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#he dedicated his entire life to the betterment of the star
charmingbrute · 1 year
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just imagine how fucking sad it would be if emet-selch didn't preserve azem's crystal like... they'd just be gone in history? just like that?
with nobody to remember them at all?
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martyrbat · 1 year
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the homoeroticism of sharing a cigarette while overlooking a city you both want to save and are willing to sacrifice everything to do so while desperately clinging to the hope you both can somehow still live to see another sunrise.
#shoutout to batgordon gotta be one of my favourite pairs that makes my mutuals annoyed <33#its about having that boundary and barrier that literal mask staring you in the face every single time you talk — the painful reminder you#will never know the man underneath it entirely! yet still that trust to uphold his secret identity! to not peek or rip it off! to not turn#around when he uncowls himself behind you in a theatrical show of HIS trust! its about not opening your eyes while bandaging his injuries#and as your fingers graze the skin that you dont allow yourself to see! its about seeing this mask and accepting it as part of the man and#something he must do and have! its about finding the other person that actually cares about this city as much as you do!#everyone around you is telling you its hopeless yet you remain that hope! you remain dedicated to it and your sisyphus labour because#theres such a small possibility that one day things WILL get better and that's enough to keep you going! its about finding the other person#that has sacrificed and sabotaged their own happiness and life for this city!#its about the smoke burning in your lungs and the cold air you two will always share — if youre lucky.#its about having a consensual workplace relationship that neither of you will acknowledge!#and why should you! theree no point! its never going to happen; gotham and your family is always going to the priority for both of you#but god the stars are beautiful tonight and its so nice to have a friend that actually understands why youre bleeding for this city#its also about sad old men sex & bittersweet heartache memories shared of watching this hungry city shift and change as your blood feeds it
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billfarrah · 2 months
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One of my favourite things about Young Royals and its characters is how much it romanticizes being utterly ordinary.
Stories often focus on characters who are exceptionally good at something or who are more ambitious than the average person. Even in the teen shows I’ve watched, these young characters always seemed to have their dream career and dream university figured out at a young age and I could never relate to that because I had none of those things figured out as a teen. It always felt like pushing this narrative that teenagers need to have their entire lives figured out before their brains are even fully developed.
None of the characters in YR seem particularly ambitious and in fact, the main character’s journey is a story of anti-ambition. When he is introduced to Simon, it is precisely Simon’s ordinariness that draws Wille to him. Sure, Simon is a very talented singer, but it’s never indicated within the series that he has dreams of being a pop star. It’s just something he likes to do. Simon is motivated by very ordinary things - he wants to do well in school so he can have better opportunities for himself, he wants to take care of his family, he wants to hang out with his friends and play video games. He’s a dedicated student but not necessarily valedictorian. It’s not his ambition that Wille is drawn to but his integrity and kindness and warmth.
Wille had a chance to be extraordinary - to be Sweden’s first gay king - but being extraordinary has never been Wille’s ambition. Wille’s ultimate goal and dream within the series’ narrative is to be free to make his own decisions and live his life as he pleases. He just wants to kiss his boyfriend and get drunk at parties and live his life one day at a time instead of spending every moment of his life preparing for an inevitable future he doesn’t want. In the end Wille is extraordinary not for his ambition, but for his bravery to reject the expectations thrust upon him and throw himself into the unknown and see where it takes him. Wille had a whole future in front of him as crown prince and future king - he’d never have to work a day in his life and would have people advising his every move - and he rejects that. This lack of ambition is not portrayed as a moral failure, but a necessary step in Wille’s journey to personal self-discovery and fulfillment of his own desires. His desire right now is simple - be free with Simon, but that doesn’t mean his dreams end here forever. He deserves peace and tranquility after all the trauma he’s been through without having to worry about where or who he’s gonna be in a few years. He deserves time to just exist.
None of the characters know where they’re going when they drive away at the end. We as the audience don’t know what careers if any these characters will find themselves in, but that’s also not important to this story. The series is saying you don’t have to have everything figured out when you’re 17 and you don’t have to do something just because your parents think they know what’s best for you and even if you don’t know exactly what you want to do, that doesn’t mean you don’t have the agency to know what you don’t want.
It’s not a moral failing to want the simple things in life or to be ordinary, and I love that Young Royals celebrates that. It shows the beauty in simple moments that feel revolutionary to a person - touching the person you love, forgiving someone and making amends after a hardship, whooping with your friends in a car as you drive into the summer and celebrates them. Ultimately these are the moments that make life worth living.
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thecoochiefairy · 7 days
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𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖔𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖊𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖞
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━━ 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 .ᐟ toji.
warnings 𑄽𑄺 11.5K word count. toji zenin, married toji, wedding, honeymoon, deflowering, main character is a virgin/celibate, third person omniscient pov, black woman, vaginal penetration, sweet sex, rough + maybe a lil angry sex, lot of sweet talking, hair pulling, squirting, creaming, oral [f] [m], choking, praising, LOTS of dirty talk, condomless sex, kissing, spanking, aggressive toji, lil bit of sweet toji, minors aren’t welcome!
song to play while listening; 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒 𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑔 ; 𝑟𝑖ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎
━━ 𝒄𝙤𝒐𝙘𝒉𝙞𝒆𝙛𝒂𝙞𝒓𝙮 𝙩𝒉𝙤𝒖𝙜𝒉𝙩𝒔 .ᐟ idk why i’ve been craving the thought of marriage lately, or maybe just a wedding in general. i just love people in love. enjoy :) 💐
EVERYTHING WAS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN SHE EVER IMAGINED. Blooming red roses cascaded all around, gold trim wrapping around the flowers. Platters of gold chandeliers filled the brim of the backdrop, soft emerald leaves whisking beneath the baby breath’s. The delicate ivory plants represented sincerity, purity, love.
She stood across from the man she was deadly in love with. His large palm squeezed firmly around her small one, eyes falling to the tattooed rosary that crawled around his fingers, dark crucifix slanting over the veins flexing with each movement he made.
It was every woman’s vision, being able to perfectly create their dream wedding. Her heart was completely filled with love. Her entire family stood in the crowd of people, dark wardrobe to match the wants of her catholic-wedding. Just like a man completely head over heels, she had it her way, no matter what cost.
Toji stared over the woman he was about to marry. Her soft almond shaped eyes that slanted when she smiled, brown irises he could drown in anytime he looked into them. Her dark hair was in a low bun, pulled back to showcase a strident face. Edges curled and styled along her forehead to perfection as it was halfway covered by her large veil. The alabaster lace cascaded all the way out into the bottom step of the stage, showcasing the virgin-mary within the custom design.
Her tawny-brown skin complimented the gold encrusted nose ring, plump bratz-doll lips shining. Her honey freckles spruced all along her nose, traveling out to her cheeks and face, even with makeup. Low eyes were covered by fluffy lash extensions. He loved her with or without her makeup, never seeing another woman more beautiful than her. She was erotically pure to him, completely condescending thoughts, he knew. But that’s exactly how he envisioned her. The corset of her dress clung to her frame, a low dip within the front of the dress that swirls between the heart of her chest, sinking down at the right side of her hip. The construction at the top modestly covered her breast, hugging all around her waist, striking out to the sinful poke of her hips and ass that drips white pearls and gold Swarovski crystals.
She fell out of her trance again, locking her eyes back with the scarily dark steel grey of his pupils. Yet nothing scared her about him—at least, now. When she had first met this man, he was the complete opposite of who stood in front of her. A womanizer, a gambler, all of the worse things a person could think of—an asshole. But Selaphiel was a force to be reckoned with. Her feisty nature and unwavering determination—especially her ‘not for the fuck-shit’ attitude—had inspired Toji to change for the better. He was now a loyal and dedicated fiancée, a far cry from his womanizing and gambling days.
Toji grinned, his grip on her hand tightening. He had never been so happy in his life, not until he met Selaphiel. Her eyes shimmered like the stars, and she had a beauty that could only take one’s breath away. The way her fingers interlocked with his own, the way her lips curled into a smile when she saw him… he knew he was completely enraptured with her. She played no games with him, letting him know from the jump that she had a faithful promise to god, keeping her body for the man she planned to marry. She just didn’t expect that man to be him.
Selaphiel, a name of one of the seven archangels, had grown up in a religious home. It didn’t make her entirely a Bible thumper, having her explorative escapades in college— her parents pulling their hair out at the thought. But as she was now twenty-eight, working towards her doctorate in orthodontics, she wanted nothing more but someone to call her own. Toji was her home if she didn’t have anyone else.
She’d met him while doing her studies in medical school, learning that he was also going for his doctorates to be a Pathologist—studying fluids, tissues, or organs taken from the body after death. He was completely successful within his career, but his personal life was different. She had essentially tied all of his loose ends—she couldn’t disagree that he hadn’t done the same.
But as the pastor strung his voice out to the crowd, Selaphiel’s hand slightly went limp within Toji’s palm, realizing there was something she was afraid of when it came to him. It sounded stupid. Hell, maybe even childish. With her celibacy, it was hard at times to keep from breaking her promise, Toji not only a man, but an experienced one within the bedroom. She could see in that shit-eating grin that he knew could have her at the palm of his hand. She melted by even just a soft kiss on the neck, fingers slamming upon her ass when she walked past him, to the erotic words that fell from his lips.
Yet, Toji respected and valued Selaphiel’s decision to remain celibate until marriage, recognizing it as a personal choice. He had no desire to pressure or rush her into anything. Their relationship focused on building a strong emotional connection, based on trust and respect. But Toji being the man he was, his deep appetite for her had grown stridently in his stomach, animalistic and ready to catch his prey.
“You may kiss your bride,” the pastor then says.
Sela squeals softly as Toji pulls her forward, nearly raising her off of the ground as he pulls her into a deep kiss, tonguing her down irregardless of who watched. Her face goes red as everyone around cheers.
His groomsmen let out a deep howl, her bridesmaids clapping and gleefully smiling, seeing as Selaphiel laughs happily, trying to hold back the sob of joy she wants to let out. She almost breaks as she raises her thumb to Toji’s face, briefly wiping the tear that nearly falls. She knows he’d rather die than show his emotion, her heart swelling as she felt his emotions radiating off of him.
The reception had finally arrived, everyone seated in their assigned chairs, being assisted by the waiters and waitresses that serve the five course meal they have to offer. The first and second course varied from baby kale salad with cherry tomatoes drizzled with honey and avocado dressing, or garden salad with raspberry vinaigrette. The entrées contained Filet Mignon or stuffed chicken breast with pesto cream, desert being vanilla and dark chocolate cake with almond buttercream.
Everyone enjoyed their meals, watching in the middle of the empty floor as the couple stood there for their first dance. Selaphiel’s arms wrapped around his neck, Toji’s palms laid along her hips as she leaned her face against his chest to hear his heartbeat, the both of them sinking into each other as they swayed softly as japanese denim plays. She was glad that everyone was enjoying themselves, but she felt herself slowly just wanting to be alone with him.
She mutters to him, “My social battery is running out.”
Toji’s deep chuckle rumbled against her cheek upon hearing Sela’s comment. He knew how much she valued her alone time. He lowered his head slightly so that he could speak softly in her ear “I understand, baby," he replied affectionately, “How about we step out for some fresh air? You deserve some time to recharge. Get away from our hectic ass families.”
The thought of now being alone with him scared her. She knew at times that he almost lost himself, wanting to have his way with her devilishly. She felt with them officially being married, that urge was now pushed to a thousand.
She shakes her head briefly as she says, “It’s okay. This feels nice. This dress is also tight as hell,” she sighs out.
Toji noticed the slight change in Selaphiel’s demeanor and the hint of fear in her eyes. He knew everything about her. He held her closer, his grip firm yet gentle as they continued to sway to the music.
"You look fuckin’ stunning," Toji rasped, his lips brushing against her ear. "This dress was made to turn heads, damn near makes me wanna break a motherfuckers neck for you. I'll find a way to get you out of this dress as soon as possible if you’re uncomfortable in it.”
She ignores the way her heart drops to her ass at the mention of him, ‘getting her out of the dress.’ She nods her head, raising her eyes up to meet him as she sweetly asks “You love me?” knowing it was a dumb question.
Toji tilted his head, his gaze meeting Selaphiel. A small chuckle escaped his lips before he gently cupped her cheek, his thumb grazing the soft skin.
"Love is too small of a word for what I feel for you," he murmured, his voice filled with sincerity. "You are the air that fills my lungs, the very essence of my existence. There are not enough words in the world to describe my love for you."
“Corny ass.”
“You liked that shit, didn’t you? That was good,” he smirks, bringing his palms down to her ass, groaning lightly as he squeezes the flesh. Selaphiel giggles as he raises her up to where her heels sit atop of his shoes, playfully spinning her around.
They both separated from one another as Toji sat at the table with his groomsmen, it being a long time since they were all together in one room. Some of them already had families, built businesses or worked their way through school. It felt nice to be around his friends considering his actual family wasn’t at his wedding.
“Tell us how long you’ve been holding out for Selaphiel,” one of them asks, holding his beer as he takes a swig of it, the other groomsmen chuckling, patting the shoulder of their nosey friend.
“C’mon man, we’re your bros. You can tell us if you’ve been getting some pussy on the side,” another one says on the other side of the table.
“Nah. Sela got his ass wrapped around her pinky finger, holding on tight!”
“Shitt, damn near the whole hand!”
The entire table uproars in laughter, Toji chuckled softly, a small annoyance creeping at his friends’ teasing comments. He glanced over at Sela as she danced with the flower girl and the rest of her bridesmaids , his eyes lingering on her for a moment.
"For a year and a half" he replied with a shrug. "It took a lot of restraint. But she was worth the damn wait.“
He took a sip from his drink, a small grin playing at the corner of his lips. His friends continued to rib him, but beneath the teasing, there was genuine respect and admiration for his devotion to her decision.
“No pussy pocket? Nothing?”
“Shittt, I’m not that crazy. Lotions and oils have been a good friend to me,” Toji confirms, making them all laugh again.
“I heard her telling one of the bridesmaids that she didn’t know where you were taking her for your honeymoon. You’ gonna keep that secret from your friends, dickhead?” One of his groomsmen asked.
Toji chuckled again, “Keeping that for myself," he said, a hint of pride in his voice. "I want it to be a complete surprise —a special gift just for her. She deserves it."
His friends continued to teasingly nudge him, playful smirks on their faces as they took another sip of their drinks. They knew Toji was completely smitten with Selaphiel and would do anything to make their honeymoon unforgettable.
“Just don’t kill her, alright? You ain’t Edward, and she ain’t Bella,” another one says, the entire table falling out at that poke.
“Call me Toji Cullen then, the hell!” He smacks his teeth, laughing along with them.
Selaphiel comes around the table, waving softly as she then wraps her arms around his shoulders, kissing his neck as she smiles, “Hi, handsome. I miss you. ‘M ready to go,” she muffled along his throat.
She feels a chill go throughout her body as she sees him manspread against the chair, his tie loosened as a few buttons are open down his shirt, briefly showcasing the other tattoos that trace his body. The silver chain around his neck sits beautifully along the skin, his Bulova watch cold along her body as he grabs her throat from above him, pulling her down to hover over his face.
"There you are, my lovely bride," he replied warmly, tilting his head to kiss her chin, “I missed you too. Are you ready to head out?"
“Yes,” her feminine voice says softly, “I wanna be with you.”
Toji's bone straight smirk widened, his eyes holding a tender expression. He gently slipped an arm around her waist, a protective yet affectionate gesture.
"Good," he replied lightly, his voice carrying a hint of desire. "I’m tired of sharing you.”
Selaphiel was finally out of that extremely uncomfortable dress, now wearing a more sultry look. It was purely white, fully laced, long sleeved and clinging to her body. A deep v was within the middle that ever so slightly showcased her nipples. Her veil was much shorter now, small pink bows all around the soft white material. With a farewell to his groomsmen and Selaphiel doing the tradition of throwing her bouquet to her bridesmaids, everyone followed outside, saying their goodbyes and continuously cheering. Toji guided Selaphiel away, a palpable excitement between them as they stepped into their black Aston Martin, speeding off into the night.
When they made it to their destination, they were now parked at a cliff, the car’s window showcasing the lights of the city at night. Toji told her they would sit here for a bit while he got a few last things together for their honeymoon. She wanted to ask a thousand questions, anxious as she had no idea where they were going. But instead, the chaos of their wedding day had brought a wave of exhaustion over her, now comfortable in his shoulder as she sat on top of his lap in the backseat, softly snoring against his shoulder as he scrolled through emails from his job.
She snuggled deeper within his body, Toji immediately adjusting to the movement, his warmth encompassing the natural coldness of her skin. It was a blessing and a curse. In the winter he was her personal heater, but any other time, she would flip him over immediately in the middle of the night, sticking her face directly in the fan across from the bed as she groaned hotly.
“You remember the first time we came up here?” She asks, her voice quiet as she seems to be half asleep.
Toji chuckles, “I always do. You punched me in the balls.”
“You tried to get a feel—for the free, crazy as hell,” she mumbled, “I don’t even want to know how much you spent on this Aston Martin. Just because you have money doesn’t mean you have to spend it all.”
“It wasn’t bad. It was about five—“
“Hundred? That’s not bad—“
“Thousand?”
Her eyes flew open, upper body sitting up as she said, “Toji Zenin. You did not spend five hundred thousand American dollars on renting an Aston Martin!—“
“Woman. I spent five thousand. You know what I’d do with five hundred thousand dollars? Buy like three Aston Martin’s!”
“Don’t be funny. You know I don’t do math,” she glared, “Even that’s still too much!”
He shrugs, switching the topic as he then says, “Speaking of my name…I wanted to talk to you about something.”
She sees his face become serious, sitting upwards to fully face him as she says, “Yeah?”
“I wanted to ask a favor. Do you think I could…take your last name instead of you having mine?”
Selaphiel stares at him, his olive toned skin a cream color within the moonlight. Although she hadn’t spoken on it, the only people that appeared as “family,” at their wedding was his groomsmen. She knew that he didn’t associate with his family. He briefly told her that they were extremely abusive, telling nothing else. They had gotten into a bad argument about his stubbornness before, Selaphiel trying to offer him the word of the Bible about forgiveness. He was always extremely patient and sweet with her, but when it came to his family, that was an argument she was never going to win.
She presses her hand gently along his chin, rubbing her thumb over the scar among his lips. He grimaces slightly, squeezing the skin of her thigh as he slightly moves his face away.
“Of course we can do that.”
“Thank you,” he says, hoping she doesn’t make him push the conversation.
She leans forward, softly capturing his lips within hers, pulling back as she continues to graze her fingers along his face. He takes her wrist, softly kissing her hand, squeezing it within his palm.
“So, are you finally going to tell me where we’re going?” She tilts her head, “I’m gonna start nervously farting if you don’t. I’m extremely anxious.”
Toji laughs, “I was trying to hold out, but…” he lets out a deep breath, “I know I told you I would never go back home. But I remember for one of your assignments you had to do a city you were interested in, and you picked Shibuya, because you wanted to see all the markets, try the food, shit like that.”
Selaphiel’s eyes go slightly wide as she says, “Our honeymoon’s in Tokyo?”
Toji wants to roll his eyes as he says, “Yes, but—“
He groans as she wraps her arms tightly around his neck, pulling him forward as her back is now against the car seat, kissing all over his face and jaw. It had been a dream of hers to visit Japan, even before she’d met him. She told him her dream of going into Tokyo, but he immediately knocked down the idea, telling her it wasn’t a place he planned on going back to. Unfortunately, he loved her too much to not give her something she always wanted.
“No family shit, Sela—“
“I promise,” she nods her head, “I just wanna be there with you. But seriously, how much did you spend?”
“You want me to lie?”
“You’re absolutely terrible.”
“This we all knew.”
Making it to the airport wasn’t the issue for Selaphiel, it was up until they were now on the plane, trapped within the sky and nowhere else to go. Toji knew she was terrified of planes, doing everything to make her as comfortable as possible. He’d even put them in first class, a bed within their section and office table for him to work while she slept. But instead, she balled up within his lap, holding onto him for dear life. He sighed, leaning his head on top of hers as he continued doing his work.
"Baby,” Toji murmured soothingly, “We’re landing in about thirty minutes. We’ll be okay.”
He was the complete opposite of her, enjoying flying in the air. He couldn't help but glance out the window, admiring the view from the plane's height. The vast expanse of the sky with its ever-changing patterns of clouds and the breathtaking landscape below filled his eyes with wonder. When he saw the overview of a place he use to call home, he felt a shift in his chest, not sure if it was nostalgia or the complete opposite.
She was thankful for them to finally land, the chauffeur placing their suitcases within the trunk as they were now making their way through the city. Selaphiel’s eyes didn’t know where to look, almost like a child seeing their favorite show come along the TV, fascinated and unable to pull away. They made it to their hotel, Selaphiel being slightly dragged by Toji’s hand as they made it up to the top floor of the building, a suite larger than she’d ever imagined now in front of her eyes. It was completely spacious, the windows showcasing the high buildings and colorful persuasion of the city, her eyes falling to a large tower not too far from where they stayed. She softly thanked the hotel staff that placed their bags within the room, her feet following her to the window, a warmth in her heart as she still couldn’t believe she was on her dream trip.
She feels arms come around her neck, leaning against her as he speaks within her ear, “You like it?”
“I love it,” she replies, “And I love you.”
“Yeah yeah, you just love me cause I’m your sugar daddy.”
She shrieks as he turns her around, throwing her over his shoulder. The hotel staff stands within the room as he says to him, “I’m apologizing now for future noise complaints you’re gonna receive.”
“Toji!” She giggles embarrassingly, unable to see as he passes the man a tip, closing the door behind himself as he leaves.
The rest of their day had been as interesting as the morning. Traveling all around the city, Selpahiel explored and took photos of anything she saw. It was also fascinating to watch how quickly Toji fell into his traditions. His deep voice switched in and out of his native tongue, speaking in words she didn’t understand yet she was still intrigued. It made her happy to see that he wasn’t repulsed with being here, finding his own way to fall in love with a place he associated with hatred. He was also falling in love with her all over again, her sunny disposition able to bring anyone’s energy up. But with that sunny disposition came a naivety that made him want to bang his head along a wall. Selaphiel stood in a soft green spaghetti strapped dress, a high slit on one leg as she wore sneakers with the look, perfectly sculpted body feverishly moving with each step she made. Even with the dress being flowy all of her curves defined themselves. Her dark curls bounced around her face and makeup, her hand reflexively pulling a stray hair behind her ear as she bent over the railing to stare down at the cherry blossom tree across from her.
He watched as her body aligned smoothly, back curving inwards, hips sinfully poking outwards. The slit in her dress swishes over the back of her thighs, a glimpse of her ass jiggling as she called behind herself, “Baby, look! You see?”
“I see,” he lowly replies, eyes only upon her figure, wondering how she'd look as he took her from behind, ass clapping harshly along his hips.
As they were seated in a restaurant, his mind only became worse. Selaphiel pouted as she adjusted the straps of her dress, “You think I should take them out?”
She refers to the heart shaped nipple piercings she has, the jewelry poking through the thin material of the dress, desperately begging to spring free.
“They’ve been kinda sensitive lately,” she says, Toji wanting to pull his hair out at this point.
“Could be the metal, baby. Your skin is more sensitive to the cheaper silver,” he replies. On the other hand, he was currently imagining her whines as he sucked along her sensitive nipples.
“Probably,” she shrugs, leaning forward as she opens her mouth, “Lemme’ have some of your food. What’d you call it?”
Of course.
He sighs, “Takoyaki.”
This wasn’t necessarily his final strike, but it was just enough. They were in a private indoor pool of the hotel, Toji watching as she absentmindedly paraded around in her baby-phat bikini. The innocent pink along her body is nowhere near as guilty as his thoughts. She was like his own personal bratz doll, her body coming out of the water as she goes to search for her phone on the table, her hair damp as it reaches the end of her back, body dripping to add along his carnal temptations. He wanted to play with her.
They were now back inside of their room, Toji laid across the bed as Selaphiel sprawled along his lap. His fingers were captured in a blunt as he held it between his lips, sucking his teeth as he kept trying to spark his lighter.
“Do I even wanna know how you snuck weed into Tokyo?”
“The safe answer is no,” he mumbles, still focused on sparking his lighter.
“Okay,” she rolls her eyes.
She might’ve come off naive at times, but she wasn’t stupid. She felt in her mind that she was stalling other things newly-wed’s did on their honeymoon. She also knew that smoking was a rarity for Toji, knowing that he only did it to take the edge off. She loved how respectful he was of her wishes, sometimes even going as far as to not touch her without asking. But this was different, their love was sanctioned within her devotion to her religious beliefs, and last time she’d read the Bible, it was now perfectly fine for them to enjoy their intimacy. So what was the issue?
Maybe she was intimidated by him. Or it was the thought of her inexperience compared to all the women he’d slept with, not knowing if she’d be enough for him. Maybe she was just afraid he’d tear her apart. It was that scary glint in his eyes, a lion constantly on the prowl when he stared. At times she couldn’t believe how incredibly attractive he was, even just doing regular things. Like now.
He brings his attention up to her, firmly pulling her downward as he tells her, “Open your mouth.”
She immediately complies. Lightly separating her baby pink lips, he blows the smoke into her mouth, pulling her forward by the back of her neck as he brings his tongue down her throat, drowning her in a ruthless kiss. She feels her heart pumping in her ears as she grips the bottom of his shirt, twisting nervously as he overpowers her, her body hovering beneath his as he dominates the kiss. Her breath hitches along his mouth as she attempts to pull herself back, Toji jerking her closer as he growls, “Don’t run from me.”
Toji holds her by the side of her neck as he briefly pulls their lips away, her pleading whimper inflaming something within his body. His eyes darkened with desire, cupping her face in his hands, his gaze locking into hers with an intensity that made his intentions clear. He was fierce, possessive. His mouth left no doubt as to who she belonged to.
“Baby—I’m uh—I’m hungry,” she then stutters, trying to distract him.
“Me too,” he rasps.
Oh.
He can feel her body now slightly trembling. He slows down his movements, staring at her aura that was shaken by a kiss alone. Her fingers softly press along her lips as her face is a deep shade of red.
“Fuck. My bad, pretty. I just—“ he cuts himself short, gripping her skin tightly to withhold his advances, “You said you were hungry?”
She can barely speak. Her eyes go slightly wide as she feels his bulge below her lap, prominent and hard. Huge, she thinks.
“Use your words, baby,” he encourages.
“Yes,” she then corrects, “I’m craving pasta.”
He tilts his head, lightly grinning at her as he says, “Basic ass pasta in Tokyo?”
She nods her head, trying to be normal with him, her eyes never looking directly into his as she replies, “Please?”
“You’re lucky I love you.”
“You’re lucky to have me,” she retorts.
She comes off of his lap, watching as he re-adjusts himself between his legs before making his way out of the bedroom. She leans back against the pillows for a while. After about twenty minutes of being in her head, it’s like she had finally come up for air, chaotically running her fingers under the blanket as she searches for her phone. Once she finds it, she immediately presses the call button, her ear to the screen as she waits.
Her best friend answers, “Why the fuck are you calling me, Selaphiel? It’s three in the morning in New York. You better be dying.”
“You’re mad yet you still picked up the phone?”
“What do you want?” She speaks in a monotone voice.
“Remember how I said I would call you if I started freaking out?”
“Unfortunately I do.”
“This is me now freaking out.”
“What the hell are you so scared of, Selaphiel? Dick?”
“His, in specific? Yes,” she admits.
“He loved your big headed ass enough to marry you, let’s not forget. He also loved you enough to hold off pussy for an entire year. And a half. Let the man break your vagina so hard that it falls off and creates a new one.”
“You’re not helping!”
Her best friend sighs, “Look. Just channel that inner sex-lioness, okay? The minute you guys start getting hot and heavy, it’ll come out.”
Selaphiel takes a deep breath as she thinks upon those words, realizing she might be being dramatic as she replies, “Okay. Lioness. Grrr,” she quietly growls within the phone.
“Girl,” her friend laughs, “I’m hanging up. You’re not being dramatic though, the man is built like a goddamn gorilla. Scary like one, too. Deuces! Writing a eulogy for your cookie as we speak.”
Her friend hangs up before she can say anything else, Selaphiel’s eyes rising as she sees Toji come back in the room. A curse leaves his lips as he reaches behind himself, pulling his shirt over his head which gives her a full view of his upper body. All of his tattoos were extremely meaningful to him. Dark ink complimented the silver jewlery along his wrists and neck, clinking with each movement he made.
Toji notices her gaze lingering on his exposed physique, a smirk now playing on his lips. He flexed his muscles slightly, a showmanship of his strength and masculinity as he said, “You wanna keep staring or come over here?”
“I just—um, did you hurt yourself?” She tries to find her words, bringing her eyes back down to the bed.
Toji's smirk widened as he noticed the subtle embarrassment in Selaphiel’s voice and the shift in her gaze. He continued to strip off his clothes, responding with a nonchalant shrug, “Got a stain from cooking. Imma’ hop in the shower before I finish,” he explains.
“Oh. Okay,” she nods.
“Wanna come shower with me? I’ll wash your hair,” he offers, “I know you don’t want chlorine sitting in it from the pool earlier.”
This was her chance. Toji was never shy to be fully naked in front of her, but at most she had only stripped down to her underwear to sleep. She knew that being in the shower with him might create an opportunity to pounce, but that wasn’t a bad thing. The longer she stared, the more she craved him. At the same time she wanted to say no based on her nervousness. But this was her husband now. There was no reason to fear it.
Lioness, she thinks of her conversation with her best friend. More like a kitten, she tells herself.
She then says, “Yeah. Sure,” she nods, convincing herself.
Toji's heart fluttered surprisingly at her agreement, his eyes lighting up with desire and affection. He closed the distance between them, gently tilting her chin up with his finger so that their gazes were level.
She nods her head, his grip becoming more firm as she repeats “Yes,” more confident this time as she sees his face.
He led the way to the luxurious ensuite bathroom, his excitement and affection for her palpable in the air between them. Toji closes the door, dimming the brightness to something softer and more ambient.
Her heart pounds within her chest. She kept her eyes down as she began to unravel her bikini top and bottom, the thin material dropping to the floor to reveal her bare body. Dark curls cascade around her, freckles appearing heavily along her face under the faint lights. Toji watched every second of this. He was now able to see every perfect flaw. Tiger stripes along her hips, dimples dented in her thighs, breast full as the jewelry within her areolas shine. Quickly placing her arms over chest, she clasps her hands over her arms, feeling her face completely hot.
He comes beside her, moving her hair behind her neck as he places a kiss along the skin. Selaphiel shivers more than she expected herself to as he says, “I’d kill for you, you know that? You’re fuckin’ gorgeous.”
She keeps her attention to stepping in the shower, the warm water pulling her back to reality as she exhales. Her eyes briefly wash over Toji who removes his bottoms, eyes falling to the third leg that sits in between his original pair. She brings her eyes back up to the shower head. Toji gently stepped into the shower behind Selaphiel, the warm water cascading over their bodies, steam embracing them like a comforting veil. His eyes fixed on her figure, his heart swelling with affection and admiration for his wife. He reached for the body wash, generously applying a small amount onto his hands before softly lathering it along her back and shoulders, savoring the feel of her skin under his calloused fingertips. It was like the first time touching her.
His hands along her bare body made her shudder, skin heating up in a way it hadn’t before. This was different. She was…aroused.
Toji noticed the subtle shudder that ran through her body as his hands traced along her bare skin, sending a wave of warmth and desire through his own veins. A low growl escaped Toji's lips as he pressed his body closer to hers, the heat of the water and the scent of her body wash blending into an intoxicating cocktail. Her hair was darker with water seeping into it, his hand latching around the flattened curls, pulling her along his chest as his lips hovered over her neck.
"You’re like a fuckin’ drug. I can’t resist you,” he whispered huskily in her ear, his breath hot against her flesh.
He twists her around, pressing his hand along the side of her throat to keep her eyes along his. Her nervousness came back out to play, eyes fluttered shut, teeth digging into her lip as she whimpered, “Toji…”
His grip on Selaphiel’s throat tightened gently as she whimpered his name, the sound echoing in his ears like a sultry symphony. His lips brushed against her skin, trailing along the sensitive flesh of her neck with a tantalizing mixture of tenderness and passion.
“Say that shit again,” he whispered into her ear, his voice low and seductive, “I want to hear you say my name, pretty. I want to hear you call out to me.”
His lips along her throat made her entire body inflamed, shakily gripping his arm, “Toji…I…” he had barely done anything, yet her entire body was trembling. The sound of his name on her lips drove his desire to a fever pitch.
“That’s it,” he grunted. His hand moved down to her hips, pulling her closer to him as the heat threatened to consume them both. He captured her lips in a fierce, passionate kiss, his touch gentle yet unmistakably possessive.
“Baby…” she embarrassingly whined, wrapping her arms around his neck, feeling her face becoming completely red.
Toji's heart raced as Selaphiel wrapped her arms around his neck, her voice breaking slightly in her pleading whine. His eyes darkened with desire, and he gently cupped her face in his hands, his gaze having an intensity that made his intentions clear.
"You’re okay,” he whispered softly, his voice filled with devotion and passion. Then, he leaned down, capturing her lips again in another sin ridden kiss.
She whimpered along his mouth, hand coming around the back of his hair as she captured his tongue in between her lips. Her thighs squeezed together as feels herself becoming horny, a newfound feeling that crippled her logic.
Toji's grip tightened in Selaphiel’s hair as she captured his tongue in hers, grunting at her desire to deepen the kiss. He could practically feel the heat between them rising with each passing second. His hands roamed over her bare skin, caressing and exploring every inch of her body, as if trying to etch her form into his memory. And then, with a low growl, he hoisted her up against the shower wall, holding her close to him as if she were the most precious treasure in the universe.
“I…Toji…wait. I don’t wanna…not in here, baby,” she stutters out, feeling her heart speed up as he hoists her against the shower.
He lowly chuckles along her skin. Selaphiel shrieks as he puts all of her weight onto him, carrying her into the bedroom. She couldn’t help the nervous giggle that left her lips, back along the bed as he began kissing her throat. The thought of their bodies wet from the shower hadn’t even crossed their minds. They enjoyed the feverish need for one another, Selaphiels neck stretched back as she raised her hand to his arm, digging her nail into his skin as his lips continued their assault along her throat. It wasn’t until his lips traveled down that she almost ripped his limb completely off.
He flattens his tongue along the jewelry of her nipple, hearing a soft gasp as she jumps. She realizes how good he is with his mouth, her areola being extremely sensitive yet a warm sense of pleasure overcomes her body. She closes her eyes the minute she sees him release her breast with a lewd popping noise, hungrily taking the other nipple into his mouth, growling as he squeezes his hands around her hips that kneel into his touch. His mouth is along her skin with a fierce possessiveness, claiming every inch to show just how badly he wants her.
“Never needed you the way I need you now, baby,” he says against her abdomen.
Selaphiel can only sit halfway up and stare down at his dark eyes, face completely red as she nods her head to mask the embarrassment. Toji watches as her breath hitches, meeting her gaze as he feels the arch within her body, his desire for her growing each passing second. His lips continue their journey down her hips, trailing famished kisses along the skin as he worshiped her body with a passion.
She had no chance to run, hide or even protest as he brought her legs over his shoulders, pulling her down to the edge of the bed as she was now staring at the top of his dark hair, Toji’s tongue making immediate contact with her clit. It was warm within his mouth, his jaw also making contact with the wetness of her arousal. He groaned in a way she hadn’t heard before. She was sweet, but he didn’t expect anything else. Selaphiel gasped loudly, attempting to push him away, the raw need coming from him overpowering everything else. His eyes locked into hers with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine.
“Toji—oh my god,” she softly cried, her body within a state of shock, unable to handle the thousands of nerve wracking pleasures she feels. He enjoys her. His entire mouth dances along her core as he swirls his lips in a circular motion, dirtily making out with the puff of her sensitive clit.
“Fuckin’ hell, Sela. You taste like goddamn heaven,” he growls against her, pushing his mouth deeper as he dives in and out of her lower lips, spreading her with his tongue as he drops spit against her, a loud slurping sound creating as he nuzzles his head farther into her. His nose is damn near captivated. She attempts to twist her hips out of his hold, Toji smacking his lips as he utters, “Come here,” locking his large palms around her ankles, spreading them from earth to hell as he locks her knees against the sheets.
It seems as if the more she tries to move out of his hold, the more aggressive he becomes. Selaphiel struggles out a cry as she watches his head bob up and down, mouth sliding down to her begging opening, his tongue fitting perfectly inside of her as it shoves in.
He tells her, “Watch me tongue fuck my pussy. You’ll love it.”
She couldn’t believe his words. She tilts her head to stare away, Toji briefly removing his hand from her ankle as he turns her chin back to him.
“Your pussy is so pretty, baby. Look how wet you are. It all feels good. Imma’ make you feel like this all the fuckin’ time,” he promises to her.
“Toji—“
He cuts her off, going back down to her spread legs, locking his arm back around her ankle. He sticks his tongue out, slowly entering it within her squelching hole. Selaphiels body shakes at this, Toji moaning as he slowly removes his mouth from her, doing it in a repetition as he leans down, thrusting it back in. Her eyes watch in horror as a white substance appears on the end of his tongue, her hips trembling as she cries, “Baby, I…no!” She flies her hands over her face.
Toji chuckles darkly, “You can’t be creaming already. You’re too fuckin’ good to me,” he grunts.
The lock on her ankles allows him to move her in a way he wants, grinding her clit along his tongue, coming back down to her trembling opening. It squeezes around his tongue as he kisses within it, stretching her open to prepare her for something bigger. He spread her legs wider, muttering against her body, “I’m gonna stretch your pussy so good, baby. Gotta’ make sure it doesn’t hurt too bad.”
“Toji,” she whimpers, pleading he stops this unruly talk.
He continued his ministries, tongue exploring her in ways she’d never experienced before. He was relentless. He squeezed her ankles, gripping them as he pulled her hips down to slosh against his face, Selaphiels eyes blown with lust as he dragged his lower lip along her clit, trapping it under his mouth as he followed the upper lip behind it.
Toji briefly looks up to see Selaphiel watching him, her eyes rolling blissfully as he continues to pleasure her. The sight only fueled his desire. His grip tightened, his tongue now working with a determined fervor, desperate to draw out anything from her lips.
“Baby…t—this feels so…”
She brings her hand into his hair, tugging lightly at the dark mane. His body was inflamed at the desperate sound of her voice. He leaned into her touch as her nails dug into his scalp, relishing the mix of pleasure and pain that it brought.
He gave her pussy a deep kiss, her vision now becoming teary, the feeling all becoming too much for her. Toji nuzzles his lips against her, kissing her opening again, and again, and again. She went to push his head away when he gripped both of her hands in his, bringing them under the hold he had against her ankles, her upper body now forced to look directly at him from how she was positioned. The sight of her dark curls covering her face as her lip was tucked under her teeth was enough to make him more careless with his movements, sliding his tongue into her hole and rocking her hips forward.
“B—baby, I feel like I h—have to pee…” she whined.
Toji can’t hold back the chuckle that comes from his mouth, sending vibrations up her spine at the rumbling along her clit.
“You’re cumming, baby,” he explains, “Relax. Imma’ eat your pussy until you squirt, that’ll feel better than cumming. Okay?”
To hear him speaking this way, she could barely handle it. She gushes along his face, filling his mouth with the sweet taste he begged more for. Her upper body trembled as she desperately tried not to scream out. His name was the only thing she could remember to say as he moaned against her clit, spanking the side of her leg. Countlessly, endlessly.
Toji maintained his grip along her ankles, French kissing her opening as he drank from her, never wanting her climax to end. He dragged her until her hips were hanging off of the bed, watching as she gasped, quivered and moaned in pleasure.
“What’s happening to me…” she speaks softly, locking her eyes closed.
“You’re experiencing pleasure, baby. Please don’t be embarrassed,” he gruffly tells her, leaning back down as he flattens his tongue against her clit.
He chaotically shakes his head from side to side, a moan startling out of her lips from the movement against her. This had been her first time experiencing an orgasm. She whimpers deeply as she watches her legs tremble. Toji was drunk, unable to stop himself from becoming addicted. His head was swimming, the sound of her moans and fingers entangled in his hair making him more dizzy with need. He wanted her, desperately.
“You’re so fuckin’ pretty, baby. You’ okay? I want to give you more,” he coaxes, bringing himself upward to see her expression. Selaphiel turns her face from his, red and flushed. Nonetheless she nods, accepting the kiss he gives her, tasting a foreign sweetness along her lips.
She wraps her arms around his neck as he releases her hands, placing her legs above his shoulders as he now hovers over her. Selaphiels eyes go slightly wide as she looks down, seeing his tip, fat and as pink as his lips. Her eyes run over the scar along his mouth. She brings her hand to his chin, going to touch along the mark, surprised as he embraces his face into her hand. His heart swelled at her touch, coming forward as he captured her lips in his, a kiss so filled with love.
His tip smushes along her clit, bobbing up and down that it causes her hips to jump. Her heart beats in her chest, the pounding of it beaming in her ears. She feels safe with him. The love and passion within his eyes move to a desire and lustful one, his vision watching his tip throb along her clit, spreading her legs wider with his palms. Toji places his forehead against Selaphiels, seeing as she has her teeth dug into her bottom lip. He goes slow—at least he attempts to— pressing her legs back farther as he pushes himself in. His tip becomes swallowed by her, latching onto him as if she’d been waiting a lifetime. Their lips are just barely touching each other’s. Selaphiels mouth slowly gaped open as it felt like a fire had been matched along her lower abdomen. She gasps, jerking under his hold at the intrusion of pain, whimpering as Toji wraps his palms around her wrists, trapping her along the bed.
“Toji,” she softly cried, squeezing her palms under his hold as he sucked the skin of her throat, adjusting her hips to the uncomfortable pain she feels.
“I know, baby. I’m sorry,” he grunts, feeling as she tightens around him.
He brings his lips back over hers, Selaphiel moaning deeply as he spreads her legs wider than before. That moan shuddered out into a cry as a mixture of pleasure sensed over her pain. It was something she’d never felt before, a deep pleasure that felt almost blinding, like her entire body would rapture from it. Toji’s eyes darken as he listened to her moans blend with different feelings, the sensations driving him further into a frenzy of desire.
“You’re taking my shit so well, baby,” his breath is hot against her lips, “Such a fuckin’ big girl.”
His hips rock down to meet the back of her thighs. She feels her eyes slightly watering, rolling to the back of her head as she feels him drop his hips down again. Her mouth falls open as a large wave of pleasure washes over her. She whines out, “Fuck. Fuck, baby.”
“You feel so fuckin’ tight, baby. Let me have more of you,” it’s not really a question as he hovers his large upper body above her, keeping his hips low as he lightly picks up speed. More pleasure comes with each movement, her walls pulling him deeper each time his balls slam along her skin, sticky as she becomes more wet with each stroke.
He slowly removes the grip he had on her wrists, allowing her to bring her hands along his face, her finger tips tracing all along his abdomen. She brings her eyes down, watching as his hips connect with hers, causing her to whimper out.
“Look at that, pretty. ‘Pussy is so perfect…” he says, a low moan falling from his lips. The more she squeezes, the more he’s unable to hold back. He places his hand along her jaw, face right above hers as he grips firmly. Watching Selaphiels reactions only drove Toji’s desires to a new height. He could see the mixture of surprise and arousal within her face from the newfound aggression he carried. It fueled him to be rougher, even more possessive.
“Tell me how you feel,” he commands. Her mouth opens as she can hear their skin slapping together, body shifting each time he strokes. She’s unable to move her face as he keeps his eyes directly on hers.
She whimpers out, “Feels so…fucking good, baby,” to which he cockily replies, “Yeah?” Her moans become louder as he thrusts harder at that.
His expression darkened as Selaphiel talked to him, less shy than before. His grip on her jaw tightened ever so slightly. His voice was low, a velvety growl as he spoke.
“Good fuckin’ girl,” he purred, his thumb gently tracing her cheek, “I wanna make you like this all the time. Submissive,” he leaned down, lips brushing against hers before he grunted, “Let me give you all of your dick, baby. Yeah?”
Her mouth never closed, releasing even louder moans as she felt his hips slamming against hers. She went to bring her hand against his hip to slow him down, only making him speed up. She could hear his arrogant chuckle in her ear as she helplessly whined.
“Stop whining. Take it,” he tells her, voice with a dark edge, leaning down as he captures her lips in a dominant kiss.
He has a grip on the side of her throat now. She hesitantly brings her hands to the back of her thighs, whimpering as she spreads her opening for him, watching as his length sinks down inside of her, flushed and veiny as it bruises along her walls.
“S—so good, baby. Yes,” she whimpers out.
The sight of her taking control of her own pleasure, holding herself at his mercy, sends a surge of possessive desire coursing through Toji’s veins. He growled, his grip on her throat growing firm as he stared down at her.
“You’re mine,” he growls, “Every fuckin’ piece of you.”
His grip clasps around her entire throat, upper body hovering over hers as he pulls out, harshly slamming his hips back inside of her. She grips the hand around her throat, cursing each time he bottoms out. Her lower abdomen trembles as he yanks her entire body down to meet his. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared scarily down at her, watching as she fell apart beneath him.
“Baby…I f—feel like I have to pee again,” she mutters, her face hot as she hears Toji darkly chuckle again.
“You’re gonna cum again, baby. Think you’ll squirt on my dick this time?” He asks her, her eyes shutting as she whimpers at his voice.
She pulled him down by the back of his neck, kissing him softly. Her lips trembled against his, moaning out in a way she hadn’t expected herself to. Her mouth then opened as she moaned louder than before, her hand coming over her lips as she tried to quiet herself. Toji moaned into the kiss as he felt her covering her mouth, ripping her hand away as his eyes were completely possessive.
“Don’t hold back your moans, pretty. I wanna see you come apart. You hear me? Speak when you’re spoken to.”
“Yes,” she softly cried, “I—I’m cumming, baby.”
“Show me.”
Another orgasm ripped through her body. She brought her hand to his back, scratching deeply into the skin as she shouted his name. Her entire body exploded in raptures, holding him close to her as she shivered under his hold. He continued to move nonetheless.
“I love you,” she cried, her mouth interrupted by a tender kiss as he grunted, “I love you more, baby. Never loved anyone more than I love you,” he grits his teeth, a moan escaping his mouth as he pulls out of her, cum dripping from his tip and dropping along the bed. Her body still continues to orgasm, feeling as she trembles involuntarily. As she tries to relax beneath him, her breathing slowly becomes steady as he brings his lips over her neck, tickling her with his mouth. She giggles softly, trying to push him off as he holds her down.
She brings her face to his as she asks, “…Did it…feel good for you? I—I know you’ve been with a lot of women—“
“Selaphiel, don’t piss me off in a moment like this,” he snaps at her, “I love you so fuckin’ much. I’m honored to be your first, baby. Wouldn’t have changed it for the world.”
She presses her lips together, keeping her eyes down from his. She feels his hand come to her chin, pulling her up as he states, “I mean it.”
She nods her head, trying to pull herself away from the awkwardness she feels. This was a beautiful moment. She gave herself to the man she trusted wholeheartedly, and she wouldn’t have traded it for the world. She brings her lips up, kissing him passionately.
She then asks quietly, “Am I…pregnant now?”
ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏~♡
When she wakes up the next morning, she sees that the other side of the bed is empty. Sunlight bursts within the room, the large windows open as she stares over the city of Tokyo, bright and colorful lights blinding her eyes. She slowly sits herself up as the familiar smell of pancakes fill in her nostrils, the sweetness choking her throat. She runs her fingers through her hair as she looks around the room, her eyes meeting with the large silhouette of Toji, his body passing the door frame as he seems to be on the phone. Business, she figured. He winks as he disappears back into the kitchen.
Her mind falls back to the memory of the night before. The moment she thinks about it, she feels that her legs are sore. She brings her fingers up to her lips, remembering his rough kisses. His eyes staring down at her. The way he handled her. She didn’t know what came over here, but she wanted that again.
She quickly showers, debating whether or not to actually put clothes on. She stares at herself. They’d already had sex, this was her husband, why was she still afraid to tell him what she wanted?
It's not like he’d say no. Maybe she was embarrassed, only having sex one time and wanting to be ruined by him the next morning. Was she crazy?
She thought about doing her makeup. Realizing that he’d catch onto her plan, she disses the makeup idea. She allows her hair to fall around her body, her arched eyebrows strikingly dark against her light freckles, brown eyes soft as she stared at herself. She felt…different.
Taking a deep breath, she wraps a towel around her body as she creeps out of the room, making her way into the kitchen as she sees him still on the phone. He holds a bowl as he mixes batter within it, her ears not registering what he says as he speaks in his language.
He notices her, muttering another couple of words before he hangs up the phone, “Shit. Did I wake you up?”
“No,” she shakes her head, “I just smelled you were cooking. How long have you been up?”
He grins at her, “A while. I wanted to wake you up, but you were sleeping like a rock. Must’ve fucked you good, huh?”
Her face goes red, “Don’t be an ass.”
“Just messing with you, baby,” he eyes the towel around her body, seeing her face is red in the cheeks and bare of any flaws, “How did I get so lucky?”
“You must’ve gambled hard for me,” she amusingly replies, sitting herself on the table across from the stove as she watches him.
“Must’ve put my fuckin’ life as collateral,” he agrees.
A newfound feeling of lust had crawled up her spine. It spread like wildfire, furiously making her sick in her entire body. She couldn’t stop thinking of him in that way. She stares at the way his back muscles flex as he continues stirring the bowl. He looks back to her, noticing her state.
“You’re distracting me, pretty. Can’t finish cooking when you’re staring at me like that.”
“Sorry,” she shakes her head, “I just…couldn’t help to watch you.”
She tilts her head, hair falling around her body as it follows her. The minute he turns back towards the stove, Selaphiel releases the hold of the towel she wears, letting it fall along the table. She presses her hair behind her ear as Toji’s eyes capture her bare body, a giggle coming from her lips as he raises an eyebrow.
“Don’t play with me right now, Selaphiel,” his smile drops from his face.
She pouts, “You don’t want to play with me?”
She stands from the table as she comes in front of him, a newfound sense of confidence filling her body. She wants him. Slowly, she keeps her eyes upon his as she lowers herself to the ground, a jolt of surprise and desire coming within him.
“Baby,” his voice speaks lowly, almost like a warning, “What are you doing?”
“I want you in my mouth,” she tells him. A groan drops from his lips as he clutches her hair in his fist, pulling her to where her entire face is shown from below.
“You sure?” His face shows genuine concern.
She nods her head. He then grunts, “Imma’ fuck your throat up.”
He places his thumb on her bottom lip, opening her mouth roughly as he pulls his length from the sweatpants he wears, tip encompassing between her lips as he shoves himself within her throat. In this moment she remembered all of the advice her friends had given her on pleasuring him. Her eyes shut as she tries to focus, fearful that she’d chicken out as he guides her head against his hips, pulling her back and forth by the ponytail he created.
“Your mouth feels fuckin’ amazing, baby. Just like that,” he groans out.
“Fuck my throat, please?” she tells him, not so much asking. Her eyes were big and doe like with an innocence that had him wanting to shout.
“I’ll bruise it,’ he corrects.
She hummed satisfyingly at his words, wrapping her lips tighter around the dark pink flesh, sliding her palm down as she took him deeper down her throat. Her other hand placed on his hip as she pulled him forward, her head rushing back and forth as she twisted her wrist, feeling as saliva pulled between her fingers and the space between her lips. She pulled her mouth away, now only working at him with her hand as she stuck out her tongue, letting spit drag out and fall onto the pre-cum forming against his tip.
Toji couldn’t believe his sight, his innocent woman that went red at a sexual joke was now below him, sucking his dick like she was made to do so. She hungrily took him back into her mouth as she pressed herself down, eyes fluttering up to his completely low ones as she gagged. It was almost effortless to her. He forced himself down her throat, a low moan fleeting from his lips as he collected more of her hair in his fist, fucking her mouth.
Her eyes were teary, throat nearly sore, lips bearing a dark red and all she could focus on was getting him to cum. Making him cum. Hand that was still wrapped around him, she placed it behind her back with the other, her eyes shutting tightly once again and filling her throat until she could barely breathe, nose grazing over the pubic hairs attached to his skin as Sela finally pulled herself back. Toji tightened his lower half, a slew of drool coming from her tongue and lips.
“You’re fuckin’ filthy, baby,” he grits out. Yanking her up, he turns her body around, throwing her upper half along the marble of the table.
His ragged movement causes him to knock the pancake batter along the floor, her chest pressed up against the marble that makes her piercings cold, her body warm as it becomes aroused. He holds both of her wrists with one hand, feeling himself becoming pissed off at her teasing. She giggles at his impatience, keeping her eyes along the table to hide her amusement.
She then gasps softly as he spanks her, clamping her mouth shut as he asks, “What the fuck is so funny?”
She bites her lip to stop her giggling, shaking her head as she doesn’t verbally respond. He keeps his hands wrapped around her fists as he knocks her legs wider with his own, Selaphiel then softly giggling out, “You’re so cute.”
“Cute, huh?”
He takes his other hand to spread her open from behind, Toji seeing the slick arousal shining along her brown skin from the sun beaming in the room. Her body goes into shock as she feels his tip prodding at her opening, sliding himself in slowly. Her mouth drops open as he presses her back inward to perfect her arch, Selaphiel shuddering out a whine as he says, “Look at you. Swallowing every inch of my dick.”
He takes her hair within his fist as he guides her. His other hand stays locked around her wrists, her fingers reaching upward to feel for his arm as her body is trapped under his hold. He pushes in deeper. He then reaches up the front of her, pulling his palm around her mouth as he clasps her voice shut, Selaphiel moaning loudly between his fingers, eyes rolling to the back of her head as he begins snatching her back onto his pelvis.
“Thought I was playing with you, huh?” He talks within her ear, Selaphiel unable to keep up as the heaviness of her ass is clapping along the skin of his hips, her brain now fried and completely empty.
She gasps out between his fingers, “Baby—“
“No. None of that ‘baby’ shit now,” he grunts, taking one of his legs as he lifts it along the marble of the table, giving her a particularly hard thrust that causes her to shout. This was completely different from the night before. He was almost implausible, as if these feelings were deep within him. He was holding them back just for her—but she’d clearly poked the bear.
“Oh…my…fuck…” she cries, groaning at every movement he makes. Her walls feel sensitive, the strokes he gives her are nothing nice. But it all feels so good. She could feel tears blinking within her eyes, thighs trembling dangerously. Toji can’t help but smugly grin behind her, listening to the way she cries out with pleasure, sounds spurring him on with how she reacts to him. It makes him feral.
“You’re gonna’ paint my dick with your cum. You’re so damn pretty. So damn perfect,” he keeps up with his movements, removing his hand from her wrists as he now has both hands wrapped around her mouth, gripping her down, bouncing her along the front of him to where Selaphiel could barely speak. She only nods her head in agreement, eyes still knocking backwards as if she were possessed, moaning aggressively as his abdomen tightened each time he was deep within her.
She feels like she’s going to black out. Even with that thought, her mind swarms for her to keep going. She then takes her hips as she pulls them up, helping as she follows the rhythm of him bringing her back down. She turns her head slightly, seeing the darkness shift in Toji’s eyes.
“Let me fuck you back, baby,” she pleas softly.
He doesn’t release his hands over her mouth, only loosening them to show he wasn’t pulling her down as he murmured, “Go ahead.”
She whimpered as she twisted her hips around, dropping them back against his pelvic, turning to watch his low eyes. Every moan is louder each time their hips connect. Toji groaned as she took control, his grip along her face becoming less heavy as he watched her move against him, body filling with hunger as he listened to her voice grow louder with each smack of their hips.
“Mmm, I got it, baby,” she whimpered out, Toji’s abdomen squeezing at her whiny tone.
“I know,” he rasped, “Squeezing my fuckin’ dick like this.”
She hissed, pushing them away from the table to where she had no support to lean herself on. She bent herself over to where she had her hands locked around her own ankles, Toji taking his dominance back as he tugs her back by her hip, slamming her down along the front of his thighs. Her eyes roll to the back of her head.
His grip on her was strong and possessive, teeth clenched as he slammed her down heavier into his hips, the sound of their bodies connecting filling the air.
“Oh fuuuck,” he groaned, head dropping down to stare at the way her ass clapped against his body, skin shaking within his palm.
The sound of his voice, his pounding deep inside of her was all too much to handle. Her voice was quiet as she creamed along his dick, feeling him even deeper than before from the angle she was now in. She gripped tightly around her ankles, lifting her upper body as she tried to match his rhythm. He slammed in deeper, her body trembling as she felt a rush of pleasure punch her in the gut, realizing she was having another orgasm.
Her idea of moving away from the table failed her as she was now unable to take control, reaching out to move away from him. Unfortunately Toji’s grip of her skin was lethal. He slammed her down onto his hips, her ears only able to hear their skin slapping together. She felt as if she was having an exorcism, eyes swirling to the back of her head as she released a long moan of, “Oooh shittt, baby. You’re so deep.”
He shakes his head, “Nah. Keep cumming.”
She cries out, tears dropping onto the floor as she holds onto herself, messily sobbing out, “Fuck me, baby. Fuck me. Fuck me.”
And he does. She feels him damn near in her stomach as she tries to pull away, his own moans now mingled with hers as his restraint completely faltered. He lifted her up, biting down at the nape of her neck as his other hand was still along her hip, hotly pulling her down, Selaphiels voice going completely dumb as she whined, “Don’t stop. Baby, please. Don’t.”
“Look at my little crybaby,” he coos, hand now along the skin of her throat as he tugs her down, chuckling darkly in her ear, “This is your dick, baby. Stop running from it.”
“I’m gonna cum on my dick, baby,” she cries harshly. He replies, “Yeah? Show me again.”
Her stomach dropped as her orgasm released through her, shivering chaotically as Toji pulled her neck back, watching her face blown with pure lust, falling apart in shambles all because of him. She loved him, wanting every single part he had to give. Even this one. He kissed her roughly, tonguing her down the same way he had the moment they were officially married. Even in an erotic moment, their love for one another never dissipated.
He held her as he felt her body relax within his hold, her mouth panting out against his as she held him close, eyes shut as she felt her face go red. She wished she could stop that.
“You’re a bastard,” she croaked.
Toji couldn’t help but smirk knowingly, “Damn right. But I’m your bastard.”
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Text
emergency contact | calum hood x fem!reader
FUCK this took so long and took so many twists and turns but i have finished lads
summary: you end up in the hospital after an accident, only to find that your emergency contact number hadn’t been updated. you are yet to find out if it’s a blessing or a curse. 
word count: 8.9k
warnings: self doubt, talking down about oneself, she/her pronoun usage, swearing, breakups, angst, drinking, car accident, hospital mentions, injury mentions, mentions of weed, partying, fighting
author's note: it might be rushed at the end and there's no set timeline of events, so it might not align with the true events IRL.
i also would like to say that we support girls here! no hate toward anyone, girls support girls!
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In defense of yourself, you hadn’t expected to be back in Los Angeles so soon. Nor had you anticipated an accident like this to update your contacts on your phone. It was on the back of your mind, yes, but you had intended to change your emergency contact list on your phone for events like these. It was something you’d remind yourself occasionally, only to push it off for the next day, then the next day, then forget about it altogether. 
And perhaps you were too cowardly to change the list. You didn’t admit this to another soul since it had been nearly a year since the two of you broke things off. Your friends time and time again had persuaded you to put yourself back on the market, to get over the musician. But how could you? You had dedicated the best years of your life to him, nearly six of them. You thought you were going to marry the man, but life had other plans. 
That being said, you still loved him. The small act of removing him off your emergency contacts list felt so final to you. Like that was the end of your sad little love story with him. Truth be told, it was the end. It was the end from the moment you broke things off with him. You were just too stubborn to admit that to yourself. 
It was your doing, wasn’t it? You were the one to tell him it was over. He had just gotten back home from their tour and went to greet you with open arms. You had been wretched enough to deny him that, pulling away immediately. You ignored his eyes when you told him you were tired of your lifestyle. Of waiting on him like a dog for him to come back from tour. Of relishing that one month of being together like it was the last thing on earth, only for him to leave once again for tours or writing retreats. 
And most of all, you were tired of not feeling enough for him. In the world of popular and beautiful stars, why did he stay with you? Calum never made you feel so ordinary, not on purpose, at least. You had nothing to offer him other than your love. You feared that wouldn’t be enough in the end. The more years that passed, and the closer the possibility of marriage became, you thought it would be better to let go of him first before he ended up resenting you for not choosing someone better when he had the chance. 
You didn’t listen to his pleas for you to stay. Or his professions of love for you, or how his promise to leave the band entirely if it meant you staying. You felt so cruel to let someone who loved you so much go so easily. He was willing to give up his music for you, so how could you ever claim that you were second best to his music? 
But that was the very thing, you were afraid. He loved you so much that he was willing to let his entire life go for you. You couldn’t let him do that to himself, to let go of his happiness. But you had enough self dignity to know that you deserved more out of life than waiting in an empty home to fill up again. 
Calum wasn’t sure what to make of the phone call he received just a moment ago. He never thought he’d hear your name again, much less be summoned to the hospital to see you. 
“Mate, why are you still here?” Ashton asked, tucking away his drumsticks. “The nurse called you a half hour ago. Aren’t you going to see her?” 
“I don’t know,” Calum uttered truthfully. “It’s been so long since I last saw her. It was probably a mistake, right? Why would they call me up?” 
Michael rolled his eyes from the couch where he was tuning his guitar. “Because you’re still down as her emergency contact,” he drawled sarcastically. 
“Thanks for pointing out the obvious,” Calum deadpanned. “I mean, why would they call me and not her parents or something? Or her new boyfriend,” he muttered under his breath. 
Luke approached the group from the bathroom, running his fingers through his hair. “Easy there, tiger,” he teased, grasping Calum’s shoulders from behind. “One might assume you’re jealous.” The youngest of the group quickly dodged the bassist’s shove, laughing while doing so. “To calm your worries, no, she doesn’t have a new boy in her life. And her parents moved to the east coast three months ago so they can’t come over.”
“Well aren’t you the stalker,” Ashton snickered. 
Luke shot the drummer a glare. “I’m not a stalker,” Luke defended himself. “In case you actually wanted to know, I still keep contact with y/n. At least Sierra does for the most part. Though, last time I heard she was in Boston.” 
“Boston,” Calum spoke up in confusion. “What’s she in Boston for? And how did she end up here?” 
Luke clicked his tongue, a knowing look on his face. “If you want to know, you can ask her yourself,” he sang in an annoying tone. 
Michael set his guitar down and stood up in defense of his friend. “While that’s true,” he began. “What about..you know?”
“What about “you know?”” Ashton piped up. “There’s no harm in Calum going. She could really be hurt and need someone with her. If what Luke said is true and you’re the only nearby emergency contact, it’s better safe than sorry that you go to her.” 
The boys shared a look with each other. In their heart of hearts they knew it was a bad idea to let Calum go, especially after everything that had happened. But a selfish part of them wanted their best friend back, so what harm was in that notion? 
“I’ll go,” Calum finally relented. “But she’s coming with me.” 
When Calum arrived at the hospital, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting. The doctor explained it was a car accident, and although you were recovering okay you still had to be observed after minor surgery. A part of Calum’s heartstrings tugged at the thought of you alone and afraid during the accident, thinking he could have done something if you hadn’t broken things off, but he pushed that feeling down. It’s been a year; you’ve probably gotten over him and he’s started a new chapter of his life without you. 
Calum followed the nurse to the recovery room where you were still unconscious. At the sight of you, he instantly lost all air in his lungs. Frozen, the bassist stood before you with a mix of emotions flooding through his face. 
It was as though you were entirely different but still the same in some way. Your face, albeit bruised, looked more peaceful than Calum had seen of you. Hell, even before you broke things off you always had a furrowed brow or frown of some sort. It broke Calum’s heart to know that he was the cause of that stress. 
Calum sat down beside you, instantly grasping your hand like second nature. It was just as soft as he could remember, and your nail polish was chipped and stained the skin surrounding it. Calum chuckled to himself, a tearful smile on his face. He knew your nail polish was your own doing, seeing as you had always asked him to paint your nails since he had “more precision.” 
“Oh y/n,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly. “What the hell did you get yourself into now?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” 
Calum jerked back to see your eyes staring back at him. “Hi, stranger,” you managed to crack a smile. “What brings you to this hospital?”
Calum choked out a laugh, his thumb grazing against the top of your hand. “Oh you know me,” he said. “Always hanging around these parts whenever I get the chance.” 
“You idiot,” you snorted, shaking your head and wincing in pain.
“Easy now,” Calum reached over to cup your cheek. “The doctor said you have a mild concussion and a sprained ankle, but nothing a bit of rest can’t fix.”
Your hand met his on your face, instantly warming to his touch like nothing had changed between the two of you. “Why are you here, Hood?” you asked curiously.
“You tell me.” Calum pulled out his phone and showed his past calls list. “I got a call from the hospital saying I was your emergency contact.” 
You dropped his hand and covered your face in embarrassment. If your headache wasn’t killing you, the sheer embarrassment was. “Oh my God,” you groaned. “I’m so sorry, Calum. I had meant to change it but I never got the chance and–”
“It’s alright,” Calum calmed you down. “Relax. I’m not mad or anything. If anything, this gave us a great opportunity to reconnect and catch up on things. It’s been what, a year?”
One year, three months, twenty eight days, and twelve and a half hours, the both of you thought subconsciously. But who’s counting? 
The both of you were. Clearly.
“Something like that,” you lied smoothly. “How are you? How are the boys? I’ve kept contact with Crys and Sierra, but I haven’t had a chance to meet with them both. I was actually planning on shooting them a text as soon as I landed here, but obviously I haven’t had the chance.” 
Calum laughed at your blunt humor. He missed that a lot about you. “I’m alright,” he replied. “The boys are great, too. They send their love, by the way. We’ve been cooped up at the studio writing and producing music, though you probably expected that from us.”
Ouch. Was that a dig toward why you broke up with him? “Naturally,” you grinned. “Do I make a special feature in this album? The trashy ex that broke up with the bassist as soon as the tour ended? You best get back to the studio, I’m sure this whole debacle has given you something to write about.” 
“You are far from trashy,” Calum countered, continuing the light banter. “And I’m not going to throw your dirty laundry out like that, I have some taste, you know.” 
“Oh come on,” you pressed. “That hoe called me back, gave me a heart attack,” you sang terribly, making Calum cover his ears. “Oh yeah she broke my heart, that’s not even the start-”
“Oi, quit that!” he laughed. “Leave the songwriting to me because good God that was terrible. Any more of that and you’d put me in the hospital bed next to you. And please do not call yourself a hoe. That’s worse than Luke calling Ash “daddy.”” 
Once your laughter had died down and you ran out of lyrics to spew, a comfortable silence filled the room. His chocolate brown eyes rested down at your joined hands. 
“Thank you, by the way,” you spoke to break the silence. “For coming. You didn’t have to do that.” 
“For my trashy ex?” he teased, a smirk dancing along his lips. “I’d do anything.” 
God why did you break up with him? He was perfect, still is. Why does he still tug at your heartstrings and make you weak with one smile. How could you still feel this way after a whole year? Do you still love him-
“Babe, there you are! This place is a maze, I could barely understand the nurse’s directions.” 
You turned your head so fast, you nearly got whiplash again. Standing before you was a beautiful girl with the most luxurious beach waves and tan that every girl dreamed of. 
She bent down to kiss Calum’s cheek swiftly, making your breath hitch without you realizing. The girl smiled at you, taking your hand -that Calum instantly dropped at the sound of her voice- and squeezing it. “You must be y/n,” she concluded cheerfully. “I’m Tia, Calum’s friend.” 
“They are so not friends,” you grumbled to your friends, days after the initial encounter. 
Your friends chuckled at your gray demeanor, each of them taking sips of their coffee or bites of their breakfast. After being discharged from the hospital, the band and their significant others thought it would be perfect to catch up with you during brunch. You had agreed, eager to learn about everything you missed, especially the new couple. 
“You’d be right and wrong, n/n,” Michael replied, setting his mug down. The group was significantly more relaxed to talk about the subject considering Tia needed to take a phone call and Calum insisted on accompanying her. “The way they’re friends isn’t the same as how he’s friends with us–”
“Speak for yourself, baby, Calum keeps my bed warm whenever Sierra’s out,” Luke teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Sierra rolled her eyes playfully, elbowing him in the ribs. 
“And Luke keeps mine warm when they’re both gone,” Ashton chimed in without missing a beat.
Michael sent the youngest and oldest members a glare before continuing. “As I was saying,” he huffed exasperatedly. “They’re in the weird phase between friends and dating. They met a little after the tour and were friends for a while. It was Tia that made the move on Calum, like, two months ago.”
Noticing the stark difference in your facial expressions after hearing Michael’s explanation, Crystal came in to quickly finish the story. “He hasn’t confirmed or denied anything, but they have been on a few dates. He’s taking it very slowly.” 
“That’s..nice to hear,” you slowly began. “But the more I hear about her, the more guilty I feel about feeling this way.” Your shoulders caved in as your friends shared a concerned look. “She seems sweet, and Calum and I are old news. It was my own decision to break things off in the first place.” 
Sierra reached for your hand, squeezing it gently. “Why did you break things off with him?” she asked in a quieter voice. 
You couldn’t help but notice how the rest of the group leaned in to hear your answer. “You mean Calum didn’t tell you?” you inquired the boys. 
“He just said it was mutual,” Ashton raised his hands up in defense. “I didn’t know you broke it off with him.” 
“Why didn’t you tell us she broke up with Cal?” Luke whisper-shouted to his partner. 
Sierra only shrugged her shoulders. “I thought you knew,” she responded, her hands grasping around her mug as she took a sip.
“No one knew,” you settled. “And it’s going to stay that way.” 
The group let out shouts of disapproval that were instantly quieted once Calum finally returned and took a seat. “What’s the fuss about?” he asked curiously. 
You shook your head, taking an overly healthy sip of your mimosa. “Oh you know,” you sighed. “Typical group shenanigans, as per usual.” 
“What kind-?” he pressed before being curtly interrupted.
“Where’s Tia?” Luke cut in, saving everyone’s necks for the time being. 
Calum took in a draw of breath after stealing Luke’s cup of coffee, much to the singer’s distaste. “Oh you know,” he copied you teasingly. “Manager calls, as per usual.” 
“She’s been getting plenty of calls lately,” Crystal commented. 
You tried to not show immense interest in the conversation. After all, you didn’t know much about Tia and the group had been too distracted to show you her Instagram profile, damn Michael and his random tangents. In the meantime, you absentmindedly twirled your straw between your thumb and forefinger as the conversation continued. 
“Tia’s getting a lot of public interest, what can I say?” Calum responded. “Her videos are getting more views every day. Her manager’s been calling her nonstop since companies keep reaching out to offer brand deal after brand deal.” 
Ashton let out a hopeful sigh. “Imagine having a brand deal set for life,” he pondered aloud, setting his salad fork down. “I’d adopt more goats and expand the garden.” 
“Cool it, Old McDonald,” Michael snickered. “I can’t imagine the band doing brand deals. Remember One Direction and their Pepsi commercials during the Super Bowl? Louis hated them.” 
The table laughed, recalling the memory. Recognizing your confusion regarding Tia’s profession, Sierra leaned in. “She’s an Instagram influencer and interior designer. She went to school for design but has branched out since. Last time I browsed her page she was doing promos for some yoga company.” 
“Great, so she’s perfect,” you grumbled to yourself, quiet enough for only Ashton to hear since he was right beside you. The drummer snorted, elbowing you roughly. 
Calum, thankfully deaf to your comment, nodded along to Sierra’s explanation. “She’s great,” he hummed. 
Your heart clenched at his words, but a hopeful side of yourself couldn’t help but perk at his courtness. Of course, it could be just to spare your feelings to not speak much about her. But a selfish part in your mind wondered if it was because she wasn’t his missing piece, the way that you fit perfectly for him. 
Stop that, you scolded yourself. Calum is no longer yours, you made sure of that. You were the selfish one who pushed him away. Why do you continue to torture him when he’s finally happy, no thanks to you. You can’t continue to pull him back, that’s why you broke up with him. And here you are,  falling back into old habits. 
You blinked back your tears, the tears you had so desperately fought back since the day you broke up with him. You didn’t deserve to shed these tears when you caused the problem in the first place. Instead, you sucked in a breath and maintained your rigid composure. It’s better than falling apart, which you more than desperately wanted to do at the moment. 
“y/n, you alright?” Calum asked, breaking you from your trance. 
You jumped slightly, lifting your head to face the group. Forcing a smile, you nodded. “Perfectly fine.” 
You weren’t sure why you were called here. After becoming mutuals on Instagram (and thoroughly stalking her pristine profile) Tia was quick to invite you out for yoga. You weren’t too keen on attempting yoga with a certified instructor, much preferring to save face in front of the already perfect girl. However, you found her nice and sweet enough to befriend despite the heartache it caused you. 
“I’m really glad you agreed to come with me today,” Tia told you honestly as you finished your session for the day. 
You settled yourself onto the mat, easing yourself into a simple stretch. “I’m glad you offered,” you replied, grunting at the ache panging slightly in your ankle. You were careful not to apply extra stress on your injured foot since it was still tender to the touch at times. “I’ve been eager to relax, especially after that accident.” 
“And you deserve it,” Tia reassured you, beginning her own routine. “Yoga’s good for recovery and stress, I’ve always tried to convince Cal into joining but he wasn’t the most graceful learner.” 
You giggled, recalling how clumsy the bassist would be. “Yeah, I’d leave that to Ashton.” 
Tia nodded in agreement. Her fingers danced down her leg as she continued to stretch. Even as jealous as you were of her, you had to admit she was graceful in everything she did (and you were sure of it with a simple browse through her Tiktoks). 
The two of you stepped out of the yoga studio, mats in tow as you continued to talk about random nonsense. On the walk back to your friend’s house -you had been staying there for the time being-, you came to realize that Tia was as genuine as they come and found it very difficult to dislike her out of jealousy. 
“So you know how Cal and I met,” Tia began, referencing the story of how the two met at an awards show. “How did you and Calum meet and get together?” 
Your mouth went dry. She knew you and Calum were a thing in the past? “I-“ you stammered. 
Tia laughed at your sudden awkwardness. “I’m not dumb, you know,” she joked. “I knew about yours and Cal’s past. He talks a lot about you, you know? More now than ever now that you’re back.” 
You had to stop the butterflies forming in your stomach. “He does?” you catch yourself saying instantly. 
Tia nodded, uncapping her bottle and taking a sip of water. “Oh yeah, big time,” she answered. “It’s really sweet to know that you made such a big impact on his life.” 
Your cheeks began to warm at her words. “He did the same,” you responded with full honesty. Tia patted your shoulder and grinned. “To answer your question, I met Calum a little over ten years ago, once the band started getting famous. I was just a senior in high school when they moved to L.A. I interned at their studio and that’s how we formally met.”
Tia gave you an impressed nod. “You guys got history,” she mused. 
You couldn’t help but smile. The memories of the past always brought a smile to your face. Dyeing Michael’s hair and staining your bathtub red, constantly buying Ash bandanas whenever you came across one you knew he’d like. Luke coming to you when he had writer’s block, and Cal crawling through your bedroom window whenever he felt homesick and wanted someone to talk to. 
“We do,” you agreed. 
Turning a corner down the street, Tia continued to ask you questions. “Who asked who out?” she questioned. “Three years of being friends turned partners was clearly not an overnight thing.” 
“It wasn’t,” you said. “It was Calum who asked me, but it took a whole lot of convincing from the boys.” You laughed quietly to yourself, recalling how he asked you to be your girlfriend. 
You heard music playing softly in the night air. You had been studying nonstop for your college finals and hadn’t seen the outside of your dorm all day. You hadn’t called the boys in a while either since they’ve been touring the world after releasing Sounds Good Feels Good. You were significantly proud of them but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss your boys. Now, hearing the soft guitar strumming from outside your window made you feel more longingful for them than ever. 
Especially Calum. You had a soft spot for the bassist, everyone knew that. You spent the most time with him when you interned at the music studio. He trusted your opinion above everyone else’s, and reached out to you the most while on tour. To say you had a little crush on him would be an understatement. The boys teased you relentlessly and teased Calum much more. They always said it was a matter of time until one of you would cave in and confess to the other. But they were wrong. You’re here in a small college dorm with no air conditioning single as can be while the boy you loved was halfway across the world. 
“Thinking of you,” you texted Calum with a heavy heart. “And the boys, ofc :P” 
You set your phone down and attempted to go back to studying when your phone pinged again. 
“You don’t have to feel so blue, n/n,” he responded. “Look outside”
You hopped out of bed and opened your window as much as the old rusty thing could go. On the campus grass were your favorite boys flashing lights from their phones at you. Calum was resting on Ashton’s shoulders, waving at you with the wild boyish smile you loved with your entire being. Michael and Luke were beside him, Michael playing the guitar and Luke grinning and filming. 
Concentrating hard, you recognized the sweet melody. It was the very song you wrote with him, Beside You. 
“She sleeps alone
My heart wants to come home
I wish I was, I wish I was
Beside you”
Your heart did somersaults at the presentation before you. You had always begged Calum to sing more for the album but the boy was too shy. It took some pushing but you helped him get his confidence up. Taking a cardigan, you ran out of your hall and joined the boys on the lawn, tackling each of them into a hug. 
“What the hell’s wrong with you!” you shouted out with a grin. You didn’t care if your yelling woke up your peers. Your boys were here in the flesh. 
“We missed our girl,” Ashton told you, giving you a strong bear hug. 
“One of us more than the rest,” Luke added with a cheeky smirk. 
Calum had long been off Ashton’s shoulders, awaiting your hugs he missed so much. You, on the other hand, hesitated to do so. 
“Come on!” Michael playfully shoved you. “We’ve come all this way, give the boy a hug!” 
Your face was on fire. The extra pairs of eyes made you embarrassed. Calum took an extra step forward, his hands bashfully in his pockets. 
“Didn’t you miss me, sunshine?” he asked you, awfully shy now after his confession of love. He was nervous he put you off and that he read the signs wrong. 
“I did,” you whispered back, equally shy. “But I think I want something more than a hug.” 
The boys let out whoops and cheers of joy as you decided to bite the bullet, grabbing Calum by the loops of his jeans and pulling him into a kiss.
Once you had pulled away, Calum’s lips formed into a dazed smile. “Be my girl, sunshine?” he asked you softly.
You pressed your lips against his once again, though this one was much shorter. “I was always yours, Calum.”
“Why did you and him end things, y/n?” Tia asked you, bringing you out of your thoughts. You seemed to be stuck in a trance these days, always pondering over the past and what could have been. 
You chewed the inside of your cheek, truly at a loss of words. What could you say? That you had been selfish and pushed him away so that he wouldn’t end up hurting you first? That you drove the knife deep into Calum, twisting it in every way shape and form out of self preservation? There was no other way to put it than that in your mind. 
“Time heals but also kills,” you told her with a broken smile. “Cal and I decided to put ourselves out of our misery and end things while they were good before it got worse.” It wasn’t completely a lie. Sure, he had no say in your ending things, but you spoke the truth about putting him out of his misery.
“Do you still love him?” she asked. 
You glanced over at her. Her eyes shone in the light, curious and innocent. She didn’t know the pain you both had endured that landed you in this position. 
Yes, your heart cried out. You love him. You love him with your entire being, that’s why you let him go. Because you’d rather kill your soul every single day of your life than stop him from reaching his life goals. If you had to go through that awful night that you broke your own heart again, you would, just to ensure that he is happy. 
Even if that meant that he would be happy with someone else. 
“He’s my first love,” you told her tearfully. “Of course I love him. But I am not his love, and that is okay with me. Life goes on, and so should I.” 
The two of you stopped in front of your friend’s house. Tia took your hand and squeezed it. “I really do appreciate you coming along with me today,” she said earnestly. “And I’m glad I got to hear about you and Cal’s history. It really puts things into perspective.” 
You smiled back at her. “Thank you for having me,” you responded. “I hope my words haven’t changed anything between the two of you. I meant what I said; him and I are in the past. I truly want the both of us to move forward and grow in our own separate ways.” 
Your butterflies in your stomach turned into fierce wasps, stinging you sharply. Lies, your heart hissed. Tell her you love him and still want him. 
You forced the bile rising in your throat down. Tia, blind to your inner troubles, continued to speak. “That’s actually what I wanted to ask you,” she chuckled nervously. She grabbed your other hand, bringing them together. 
“I wanted to ask Cal to be my boyfriend,” Tia confessed.
Crack. There goes your heart.
Tia seemed to notice the dip in your lips and immediately retracted. “But I don’t want to overstep or anything!” she rushed. “You and Cal have history, I’m not stupid enough to deny it. And that’s okay, that’s no one’s fault. If you still love him and want him, I’m not going to get in the way. Calum, well, it’s clear he loves you, too. I’ve heard countless amounts of stories about you to not get the memo. I really like Cal, I do. But that can’t go up against love.” 
This was your chance. To right your wrongs from the past and take back what you truly wanted. Calum. You could take this moment to run to his house right now and take him back, and you’d have Tia’s full support. Zero guilt. 
But why did it hurt so bad? 
No. You made your bed, you have to sleep in it. It doesn’t matter if the bed was built of blades of self doubt and hate, you have to slip into the sharp sheets and let it pierce through your skin. You created your own mess. It is you alone that must deal with it. Not Calum, and surely not Tia. 
You’ve made enough problems for everyone as is. 
You mustered enough strength to let go of Tia’s hands and instead cup her cheeks. “Tia, honey,” you whispered calmly. “Our love is in the past. I’ve missed my chance, and I have learned to live with it. I’ve seen the way Calum looks at you, and that’s something that can blossom into something beautiful. There’s no need to dig up something that has already run its course.” 
Tia’s lip trembled at your words. You nodded carefully. “You don’t need my permission or anything to date Calum. You don’t owe me anything. You both deserve to be happy, and clearly you make each other happy.”
“Are you sure?” Tia asked. “I promise you, it won’t hurt my feelings or anything if you still want him.” 
“No, Tia,” you reassured her, despite the burning feeling in your chest. “Please, make him happy. Make him happier than I could ever make him. He deserves that much.” 
Two weeks have passed since your encounter with Tia. Last thing you heard was that the two were very happy indeed, but you didn’t hear if they made it official. You had plenty of dates with the girls, but you insisted on changing the subject whenever they brought Calum up. You feared that if you heard about him one more time, you might burst into tears or do something stupid. 
You finished up your work from the office in your friend’s house. Grateful to be able to work from home for the time you stayed in L.A., you had to admit that sitting on a chair from 9 to 5 made you quite sore. Eager to stretch your legs, you decided to take a walk to the local park. 
However, it wasn’t any random park. It was the place you and Cal used to have endless dates when he was back from tour or the studio. You’d lay on the blanket he took from his apartment at the time and stare at the stars. Back when you both didn’t have much, you’d snack on soup crackers you took from each time you went to the diner across the street and share a can of Coke Cal took from the vending machine after work. So many secrets were shared at this park, and so many memories were made, too. 
“I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who still frequents this place.” 
You jumped to see the last person you expected at this place. Calum gave you a bashful smile before sitting beside you on the grass. You took in the last hour of sun beaming down your skin before the sky went dark, closing your eyes and tuning out the sound of the infamous L.A. traffic. 
“How can I not?” you quipped. “This park is the only place in L.A. that isn’t stuffy or gross.”
Calum let out a laugh, quietly agreeing with you. “So what brings you here, Hood?” you asked, nudging his shoulder. 
The bassist could only shrug his shoulders. “Could say the same about you,” he hummed. “Sometimes I like to sit here and write music. Other times I just sit here and listen to the ambiance.” You nodded, crossing your arms on your chest and making sure to keep a safe distance from him. His touch was mesmerizing, but you had to remind yourself that he was no longer yours. 
“This place reminds me to stay grounded,” he told you truthfully. “When I get too in my head, I always go here, even after we broke up.” 
You dropped your hands to the grass, braiding the blades absentmindedly. “I’m glad,” you spoke up. Calum looked over at you, awaiting an explanation. “It’s too good of a place to let go after a silly little relationship.” 
“It wasn’t a silly little-” Calum fought back. 
“Let’s not talk about it, Cal,” you sighed exasperatedly. 
Calum instantly frowned. “Why not?” he pressed. “You never seem to want to talk about the good old days.”
“Because it wasn’t “the good old days,”” you insisted, lying through your teeth. 
Calum let out a stubborn huff. “Now that’s a lie,” Calum shot back. “But whatever, I won’t push.” A pregnant silence took over the two of you as Calum tried to find something to say. “Have you found yourself a new boyfriend yet?” he decided to ask. 
“Calum-” you began.
“You said not to bring up the past,” Calum argued. “This is the best I can do.” 
You shook your head at his words, giving in nonetheless. “No, I don’t,” you answered. 
“Are you not ready for one?” he asked. 
“I-” You took a moment to find the right words. “I need to work on myself before moving forward with someone else.” 
“Well, I don’t get that,” Calum commented with a snort. “You’re perfect, what could you possibly work on?”
You choked out a dry laugh, though there was no humor behind it. “Quite a bit, I’d say,” you confessed. “Calum, I was a mess, I still am. I can’t put someone through that again.” 
“You didn’t put me through anything,” Calum persisted. “And now that you mention us, I can’t recall anything that you did wrong in that relationship. It was all me.”
“No Calum!” you raised your voice, standing up abruptly. He quickly followed, standing up to meet your frustrated, tired eyes. “It was me. And I’m tired of you insisting otherwise.” 
“You said that I was always gone,” Calum reminded you, his voice matching the same volume as yours. “I don’t see anything that involves you in that.” 
You threw your hands in the air. “Because I was needy!” you exclaimed. “And I was pushy, and I hated being alone all the time–”
“But I’m right here!” he yelled back. You took a step back in shock. He was never one to raise his voice at you, even when you fought in the past. It was your throat that got raw in those arguments from having a shouting match against yourself and losing hopelessly. “Goddammit y/n I’m right here. And I promised you that night that I would always be here if that’s what you wanted.” 
Tears began to stream down your face as you pulled your hair in anger. “You don’t understand, Calum,” you cried out. 
“Then help me understand!” Calum took a step closer to you, taking your hands in his. His brown eyes were desperate, searching yours for an answer. “Please, sunshine, let me in.” 
For a moment, you almost faltered. You nearly gave in at his sweet words and use of that old nickname. But Tia remained in the back of your mind, and guilt sunk in once more.
You released yourself from his touch, looking away from his eyes. “You can’t call me that anymore,” you whispered to him. “I can’t, Calum. I just can’t.” 
Calum watched you back away hopelessly. “y/n,” he sighed.
“I’m leaving for Boston in two days,” you told him. “I’m sure Ash told you that already, though. I overstayed my welcome at my friend’s house. I should start packing.”
The bassist followed you to the gate of the park. “But I feel like we should talk about this,” Calum pleaded. 
Your fingertips grazed the gate, the cool metal sending shivers down your spine. “I’ll see you at the party, Calum.” 
– 
When you told the boys the date you were going back to Boston, Ashton jumped at the opportunity to throw you a goodbye party. In addition to catching up with you and spending every moment available with you, the boys insisted on planning the “biggest party of the century” for your departure. 
“I still don’t see the necessity for all of this,” you told the three boys with a shake of your head. 
“Trust us,” Ashton said with a wild grin. “We all need this.” 
So here you were, casually sipping your cocktail in the corner of Ashton’s home while their exquisite rager took the house by storm. Sierra and Crystal stayed by your side throughout the night, insisting  to keep up with each other while you were away. This time, you made sure to not end contact with them the way you did last time. Tia had also been in the group but left some time ago to deal with something. 
“Are you sure you have to leave?” Luke asked, pouting dramatically. “L.A. isn’t the same without you here, n/n.” 
You ruffled his hair playfully. The singer was always a little brother to you, no matter how close in age the two of you were. “I do, bub,” you said in a sorry voice. “I don’t think my boss could stand another week without me in the studio.” 
“Then move back to this location!” Michael proposed, raising his glass and nearly spilling his drink on the floor. “Transferring wouldn’t be a bad idea, would it? The studio would love to have you back, producing and doing whatever else you do.” 
You laughed at Michael’s drunken state. You were having a lot of fun relishing in the last few moments with your friends before leaving them once again. You almost didn’t realize the shouting that was going on in the dining room of Ashton’s home. 
The entire group ran to the source of the noise to find Calum standing on the dining table with Tia pleading for him to get down.
“Calum, babe, please,” Tia shouted. “You’re causing a scene.” 
All guests turned to see what was going on, especially to see why the bassist of 5 Seconds of Summer was shouting complete intelligible nonsense. 
Ashton ran towards the edge of the table. “Mate, you need to get down,” he begged hurriedly. “You’re not thinking straight, you need to get down before you get hurt.”
“No,” Calum insisted, his words slurring slightly due to his inebriated state. “I need everyone to listen to me.” 
Someone had managed to find the speaker and turn it off so everyone could hear Calum. Your heart was beating out of your chest, not from the alcohol buzzing through your system, but because of the drunk boy standing before you. 
Calum raised his cup to the crowd. “I’d like to raise a toast to the girl who broke my heart,” he announced sloppily. “The “heartbreak girl” herself, y/n l/n.” Calum clapped loudly. He was the only one who was clapping while you stood there in shock and humiliation. “I loved you, you know?” he sniffed. “And I bloody well still do. Tia’s great, though. Absolutely nothing wrong with you, Tia, I hope you know that. But you’re not the one. y/n right here, she’s the one.” 
His brown eyes, red from drinking and smoking God knows what, teared up as he looked down at you. “But what I can’t figure out is why won’t she love me?” Calum threw back the rest of his drink and winced at how strong it was. “I was getting ready to propose to you, you know?” he told you. “I had the ring in my pocket, and I was just waiting for the perfect moment.” Calum chuckled to himself bitterly. “Guess I fucked that up tremendously.”
“Calum, stop,” you pleaded. 
“Why should I?” he asked you incredulously. “You didn’t stop packing your things when I asked you to. You didn’t stop running when I chased after you in the dark. You didn’t stop when you booked that flight across the country to run away from me.” 
Tears were streaming down your face now. “It wasn’t like that, Cal,” you cried. “W-we broke up for a reason-”
“And that’s what I can’t wrap my head around!” he shouted. “You barely gave me a reason! You told me you never saw me anymore. I was willing to make more time for you, to end my career for you, to get down on one knee and be with you, and that wasn’t enough! There had to be another reason-”
“There wasn’t, Cal!” you sobbed. “So drop it, please.” 
Silence spread throughout the whole house. No one moved an inch, too shocked to make a single sound or move. All that could be heard was the sounds of your messy sobs that you failed to keep in. Cal dropped his cup and gestured his hands at you. 
“The Heartbreak Girl, everyone,” he announced with a broken sigh. “Hope you enjoyed this one hell of a show, with your heartbroken host, Calum Thomas Hood.”
You ran out of the house as fast as your feet could take you. The air was brisk in your lungs, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t care when the man you loved poured his heart out to you, only for you to squash it like it was nothing. 
“y/n!” you heard a voice call out for you. You whipped around to see Tia, scrambling to catch up to you. In the back, you could see the band -minus Calum- and their significant others peering out the glass door to see what was going on. 
Tia grabbed your hand tightly. “y/n, fuck, I’m so sorry about Calum,” she apologized, swearing profusely. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. First we were talking about our relationship then-“
“Please, don’t bring up your relationship,” you cut her off, roughly shaking your head. “I know I gave you my blessing, but please I can’t bear to get my heart broken again.” 
“You don’t understand!” Tia pushed. “We don’t have a relationship to begin with! y/n, I never asked Calum to be my boyfriend, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t interfere with a love as great as yours and his.”
You stumbled backwards. “What?” 
Tia nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “y/n, you and Calum are endgame, don’t you see? I only talked to him tonight to explain that you still loved him. I guess he was too caught up in the alcohol to think rationally.” 
“Tia,” you said, voice dripping in disappointment and dread. “That wasn’t your secret to tell him.”
“Were you going to say anything?” she shot back. “You weren’t, so I had to take matters into my own hands. n/n, I’m a firm believer in fate and second chances. This is your chance at making everything right-“ 
“But I can’t!” you cried, ripping your hand away from hers. “Don’t you get it? I’m the one that’s killing him! I put him through hell and I can’t continue to do that. Why can’t you see that I’m a fucked up mess that ruins everything I touch? I love Calum, I’ll never stop loving him, but I’m not blind enough to not see that my love is torturing him slowly.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration. Tears reappeared in the corner of your eyes, but you were too tired to wipe them away. “I’m never going to be enough for Calum,” you confessed. “That’s why I broke up with him. I can’t watch him waste his life away on a girl that’s only going to disappoint him. I’m not like you, Tia. I’m not perfect, or beautiful, or smart, or anything remotely interesting. And one day, Calum is going to see that and realize he missed his opportunity to find someone good for him, someone that he deserves.
“I don’t deserve him, Tia,” you finished in a broken whisper. “I never will. So I’d rather fade into the background and be a distant memory than become a face he can’t stand to look at.” 
“That’s not true,” Tia insisted, tears gracefully falling down her beautiful face. “y/n, you have to believe me when I say that’s not true.”
A car drove down the street, approaching the two of you. You let out a sigh of relief, recognizing it as your uber. “I don’t have to believe you,” you replied, opening the car door. “My word is all that I need.”
Calum woke up the next day with a pounding headache. He groaned aloud, sitting up on the couch and cradling his head. He wished he was drunk enough that night to forget everything that happened, but he remembered every single detail. From the beat of the bass from the stereo to the way your dress hugged your curves he loved to kiss and hold. 
He finally pushed you away, he realized. And for good, this time. Calum felt dread and regret rush through his system, and all he wanted was to crawl into his bed and sleep his life away. 
“You know grumbling isn’t going to cure a hangover,” Tia’s reprimanding voice rang through the living room. 
Tia. Calum jumped up to face her where she had been leaning against the door frame.
“Oh Ti,” he sighed, covering his face in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry for last night, I must have humiliated you. I’m a right idiot, and I’m so sorry I put you through that.” 
“Oh shut up,” Tia laughed, walking over to him and sitting him down. “I can’t say that I wasn’t hurt, but I also can’t say I was surprised with how things turned out.” Calum hung his head low, ashamed of his behavior. He never wanted to hurt either of you. “Cal, you don’t have to be so sullen. It’s okay, there’s no hard feelings or bad blood between us.”
When Calum couldn’t bring himself to respond, Tia decided to take it a step further. “I always knew you loved her,” she confessed. “That’s why I brought it up to you last night. I wanted both of you to work things out. She really does love you.” 
Calum let out a bitter laugh. “She sure has a way of showing it,” he muttered. “Tia, don’t make me feel worse by feeding me lies. It hurts enough that I hurt both of you, don’t make it worse by saying that bullshit.” 
“I’m telling the truth!” she fought back. “y/n still loves you, she told me that herself.”
“Then why did she break up with me?” Calum retorted. “If her love never left the table, where was it when she broke things off? Correct me if I’m wrong, Tia, but I don’t think that’s how you treat the people you supposedly love.” 
Tia screwed her eyes shut, heaving out a sigh. “She loved you so much, she thought you deserved more,” Tia finally explained. “She let you go so that you could find someone better, someone who makes you happier.” 
“That doesn’t make sense,” Calum shook his head, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “How could she think that? No one could be better than her, um, no offense.” Tia snorted at the last part. “If anything, I thought I didn’t deserve her.”
“Well you’re both idiots,” Tia deadpanned. “You two clearly love each other more than life itself but were too blind to see you were perfect for each other.” 
Calum’s shoulders caved in as he drowned in his thoughts. His hangover headache was piercing his skull but he couldn’t care less. He couldn’t process why you’d ever think so lowly of yourself when he praised the ground you walk on. 
“How can I go back to her and repair things when I never realized she was hurting?” he asked. “Why would she ever want me back when I wasn’t there at her lowest? All the signs were there. She stopped calling me every night to talk about her day while I was away. She’d dodge my Facetimes with bullshit excuses that I failed to point out.” Calum huffed to himself, beating himself up critically. “What makes you think I won’t fuck up again when she needs me?”
“Because you’ve learned from your mistakes before,” Tia told him, rubbing his arm soothingly. “And you can learn from them again. That’s what I like about you, Cal. You always made an effort to better yourself, no matter the challenge. And if you truly love her, you’re going to end up fine.” 
Calum smiled softly at Tia’s words, raising his chin to look her in the eyes. “I love her so much,” he whispered. The bassist took her hand, squeezing it affectionately. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out with us, Ti,” he apologized genuinely. “I really do hope you find someone who is willing to lay down their life for you.” 
“I’ve watched two lovers reconnect like no time has passed at all,” Tia smiled back. “Trust me, I have the groundwork laid out for what’s ahead of me.” 
Suddenly, Calum’s phone began to ring. Lunging towards the arm of the couch, Calum pulled his phone off the charger and read the caller ID. Eyes wide, he looked at Tia who gave him a knowing look. 
“I’ll start the car.” 
You opened your eyes, immediately squinting at the bright light. You were met once again with the familiar feeling of a skull splitting headache and aching ankle. 
“Must you always get yourself into these situations?” 
You turned to face those brown eyes and cheeky smile you adored. Calum shook his head in disbelief, taking your hand in his. “I thought you said you’d change your emergency contact,” he said in a scolding tone. 
Your face was on fire at his words. “I forgot,” you told him honestly. 
Once again, you ended up in the hospital with similar injuries to what you received at the beginning of your trip. But instead of a car accident, you’d clumsily fallen down the stairs on the way to your Uber to the airport. Luckily a neighbor next door heard the ruckus and loaded you into the Uber straight to the hospital. 
“Or it’s fate,” Calum suggested, resting his hand on the side of your head. 
“Calum,” you tried to counter.
He stopped you instantly. “I know why you ended things,” he simply told you. “And I think I deserve a say in it.” Closing your mouth, you let him speak. “You’re wrong, y/n. You do deserve me as much as I deserve you. And I love you no matter what. I don’t need a famous celebrity as my partner when I have you in my life. None of that superficial stuff matters to me, y/n, you know that. And I know that for as long as I live and you forget to change your emergency contact list, I’ll always come for you.” 
Your heart fluttered, and you allowed yourself to feel hope for the both of you. “But what if someday down the line you want more?” you asked in a small voice. 
Calum blinked away his tears. “What more can I want?” he said in response. “You’re all I want, y/n. I’m so sorry I ever made you doubt that.” 
“Don’t apologize,” you laughed, tears beginning to fall, too. “It was my stupid brain that made me doubt in the first place.” 
Calum leaned in, his lips brushing against yours. “So is that it?” he asked. “Are we done doubting? Will you finally come home, y/n? Be with me forever?” 
You raised your hand to cup his cheek. He instinctively leaned into your touch. “With you,” you told him surely. “I’m always home. I’m yours, Calum Hood.” 
if you enjoyed, please like and reblog! it would mean a lot to me <3
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tsimvkas · 6 months
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one kiss is all it takes — jude. blurb #2
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You love going to Jude’s games. Watching your boy doing what he loves, vibrating with every right pass and chances he created, losing your mind over every goal of his.
Even though you need to do it as a fan.
You’ve been dating Jude for five months now, and since the beginning it was agreed between you that keeping the relationship a secret would be better.
And you’re glad you did it. His world is so different from yours, that being in the eyes of the public before truly bonding with him could've taken away the love of your life. You’re sure you wouldn’t know how to deal with all of it, the fans and the press.
Now, Jude has been talking about telling the world that his heart has an owner now. “I want them to know I’m compromised, I’m a grown man in a serious relationship with the prettiest girl in the world” was his argument to convince you.
He’s not a grown man at all. And you told him that. “You only have the size of a grown man”, and he rolled his eyes at you. But you know what he meant.
Even though he’s still twenty years old, Jude is living a grown man’s life. Being a star in one of the biggest clubs in the world, assuming a new level of responsibilities and now dating — something he thought would take a while to happen.
He feels like a grown man, and he wants to act like one, demonstrating his love for you in public, taking you out for dinner instead of eating at home, and bringing you to Bernabeu so you can cheer for him with his shirt, and everyone will know you’re there only for him.
Last night you agreed about having a public relationship. “We don’t need to announce” you told him. “But we don’t need to hide either”
He kissed your entire face while you giggled, leaving a few kisses down your jaw and neck before getting up and running to his suitcase.
You traveled with him for his away game, illegally sneaking to his hotel room to chat with him. When he came back to bed with a smirk, you rolled your eyes.
“New kit for you” he gave you the shirt. His shirt, with his number and name. “For you to use tomorrow”
And you obeyed. Now, you are doing what you enjoy the most, observing him whilst Jude runs the entire field.
First half was goalless and a bit boring for sports fans, but you had fun following him with your eyes. Then, right when they came back from the break, Jude scored.
He celebrated like he always does, opening his arms like he owns the world. To you, he does.
He was praised by his friends, like he deserves.
And then he gave a silly smile before blowing a kiss with his hand. To you.
It felt like your heart was about to stop from how fast it started beating. A lot of faces turned to you, but you discovered how less you cared about them when your man was looking in your eyes.
You blew Jude a shy kiss, but it was enough for him, happiness spreading through his body for finally being able to dedicate a goal to you.
With teary eyes from emotion, you watched the rest of the game. Unfortunately, Real Madrid conceded a goal and they were coming back home with a tie, but you were still so happy that not even this could kill your mood.
When you finally got to see Jude you ran to his arms, tucking your face into the crook of his neck and humming when held you tightly against his bare chest.
“Nice goal, don’t you think?” he murmured and you pulled your face away just to see his cocky smirk. Combined with his shirtless torso, you know it’s a pretty dangerous smile.
“How do you manage to be cute and hot at the same time?” you snorted, making Jude giggle and peck your lips. “Stop, I’m being serious. It’s unfair with the rest of the world”
Jude kissed the tip of your nose, stroking your cheek in a way that was melting your heart, before murmuring against your lips.
“If that’s how I conquered you, then I don’t care if it’s unfair”
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bluecollarmcandtf · 8 months
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Hypno-Drafted
NFL all-star Luke Novak wasn't happy that I drafted him. He swore he was going to reject the offer, so I pulled him aside and whispered in his ear. The quarterback's snarl stretched into a smile. He realized he couldn't wait to sign the contract. He belonged to me, now.
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Luke wasn't the first player I hypnotized since buying this team. I brought all 53 of my players under control the second I could, suppressing their old habits, aspirations, and personalities to replace them with an attitude that better aligns with my vision for our team.
They don't speak. They don't joke around or slack off. They only shout "Yes, Coach!" and obey commands to push their bodies harder and harder each night. It's grueling, and they don't have any time outside of football, but the NFL has never seen a more god-like group of dedicated athletes.
My men are ruthless against their opponents, but they must be restrained when it comes penalties. Each player is programmed to know what happens if he messes up and gives the other team an advantage.
Luke Novak messed up tonight when he caused a false start. He let me down.
He knows he needs me to teach him a lesson.
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Luke Novak marched over to me after the game, still clad in his sweaty match gear. His heavy steps echoed through the empty stadium as he stomped through the mud. His face was as emotionless as the day I first drafted him, but a raging boner strained against his tight uniform pants. His unblinking eyes were locked on me his owner.
"I am an embarrassment to you, sir," he stated monotonously with his deep voice, "Please, let me make up for the penalty."
"Go ahead," I encouraged, excited for what would happen next.
The quarterback slowly began peeling off his sweaty jersey and pads, stripping down to nothing but the damp underwear beneath his soaked uniform. The harsh stadium lights highlighted the pounds of muscle he'd gained under my control. His eyes vacantly stared into mine as he undressed, and the indifference on his face didn't flinch as his knees dropped to the squishy turf.
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"Fuck some sense into me, sir," he begged without any emotion in his words.
His massive package was still rock hard as he stared at me; something I programmed into all of my athletes. All my football players got hard the second they saw the team's owner.
Pro-athlete Luke Novak swiftly turned on his knees and dropped to the ground, carelessly shoving his handsome face into the muddy ground as his bulky arms laid limply by his side. He raised his perfect muscle-butt in the air for the entire empty stadium to behold.
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"I hope you learn your lesson, Luke," I moaned, pulling his underwear down and mounting him like a dog, "I don't care that we won. Next time, I expect a perfect game. You hear me?"
"Yes, sir!" a muffled reply came from somewhere between his smushed face and the grass.
I spent the next hour or so teaching my lesson to completion before hopping off him and telling him to hit the showers. The football pro didn't seem anymore upset or expressive than he had when he first marched over.
Luke Novak just stood, collecting his discarded clothing beneath a muscled arm. His face and chest was covered in grass and mud, but he didn't seem to notice or care. His dick still rose to full mast when he looked at me.
"Yes, sir," he answered and turned, marching back to the lockeroom like the obedient football boy he was.
He seemed to waddle a bit awkwardly as he walked, but his bare ass was perfect, even from 50 yards away. I'd never been a sports man, but this football team was easily the best investment of my life.
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particular-one · 10 months
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my heart won’t start anymore.
pairing. dan heng x gn!reader cw. hurt/no comfort, implied relationship between reader and dan heng, falling out of love (or is it), heavy angst that is carlyle's brand™ author's note. i say i love dan heng then subject him to my heaviest angst ideas. teehee, whoops. is anyone still surprised that i wrote yet another fic to a taylor swift song? listen to you're losing me for maximum enjoyment. ❤️‍🩹
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dan heng would have to be the luckiest man alive to have known someone like you and simultaneously, the most foolish man alive to let you slip through his fingers.
dan heng did not know where to begin when it came to describing you. to merely think he was lucky enough to call someone like you his was an understatement; you were perfect for him in every way possible, that it baffles him just how he's with you.
the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of stars, your favorite subject, before dan heng listened for the millionth time to your lighthearted ramble of where the stars came from. the way your laugh echoed melodiously in his head when he made a small but harmless mistake, how he would frown a little in shame but your toothy grin would make him forget his initial embarrassment. the way your head rested on his chest, humming to a childhood lullaby that would always have the same effect on his heart — to grow bigger in affection and adoration for you.
and you made him a better person, better than he ever thought he could be. dan heng had always carried the burden of his past reincarnation's sins on his back, but your presence always made the weight seem lighter. a glimpse of you was a glimpse of a life that he could live without guilt. and he wanted to make sure that he was worthy of it. worthy of you.
in short, dan heng found the perfect lifelong partner in you, end of story.
which ... just made your words pierce deeper than a knife to his heart.
"i think we should stop."
dan heng was too deep in his thoughts that he had not realized that he crumpled the paper flower bouquet in his hand. he was supposed to hand this to you the moment he stepped inside your room; march had teased him on the amount of dedication he put in perfecting his craft — according to the archives he has read, they called it the art of origami — but dan heng found himself smiling the entire process. secretly, he thought of it like his practice of building a life with you; handling the paper with subtle gentleness and care, folding it neatly to avoid any creases, before constructing a foundation for the camellia flower, your favorite flower.
what a joke this all seems to be now.
what was going on? where did he do wrong? why were you doing this? dan heng tried to remember if he had forgotten anything important. was it the time that he brushed you aside because he was engrossed in the mission? was it because dan heng constantly locked himself in the archives all by himself, that you grew tired of that?
".... stop what?"
you looked up at him, your stormy eyes brimming with tears that you were still trying to hold back. even when you were crying and breaking his heart, dan heng could not help but think how captivating you still looked. "you know what i mean."
why? "why?"
from his perspective, he could already see how much you were struggling to say it. you were shaking your head as your body was trying to hold in the biggest sob. it took everything in dan heng not to run to you and hold you in his arms, but what are the chances that you'd end up pushing him away? your words were evidence enough that you did not need his grasp right now.
"i just... i just don't see a future with you in it."
well, that hurt. that hurt more than the days that his other self wasted away in the shackling prison, mind swimming in terror and confusion as to why he was restrained the moment he was born. that hurt more than the time he sustained his deepest injury, because you were the one who ended up patching it up for him, all the while chastising him for being too reckless again. he won't have that anymore.
"why?" it was a repeat of his former question, but dan heng could hear his voice breaking as he repeated himself. moments ago, he was just dreaming about spending the rest of his life with you. to be able to wake up with you next to him and be the first to see the satisfied smile on your face. to stay by your side until the day you inevitably passed on before him.
and now, you were asking him to let that all go?
despite his initial reflections, dan heng took a step towards you, to which he was greeted with you stepping backwards, a sight that sank his heart even deeper. "but i love you." dan heng started, his heart soaring when he saw that his words still elicited a reaction from you. at this point, he was just grasping at non-existent straws that would bring you back to your senses. back to him. "we can figure a way—"
"dan heng." he stopped at his name, before slowly looking up to meet your gaze. your eyes were clouded with pain, sorrow, but most importantly, it was devoid of the warmth that dan heng sought solace in.
"i... i don't know if i can do this anymore."
you were no longer facing him, your back shaking in muffled sobs as dan heng stood there, as he watched you push him away for the first and last time. the feeling of the crumpled paper flower on his palm left nothing but a sour taste in his mouth. to think that he was so excited to see you.
"you're giving up then? on us?"
his voice came out hollow, his once forlorn expression twisting in incredulity and subtle frustration. to think that he was so excited to make things finally official between the both of you. he was finally ready to settle down and become the better man— no, the best man for you. could you not see how hard he worked to deserve you?
how cruel were you, really?
you didn't turn around to face him, but your silence told him everything he needed to know. it took everything in him to stifle the urge to let out a bitter laugh. how could he be so foolish? who would love someone as stoic, risk-taking and tactless as him, anyways?
"i didn't take you for a quitter, y/n. but i guess we're learning something new about each other right now." he spat out, which earned a turn from you. dan heng could see the hurt in your eyes. it annoyed him that even when you're hurting him, it still pained him to see you in distress. it took everything in him to reel back and stop himself. "so this is it; this is how all... this ends." he refused to let this flurry of emotions overwhelm him, as dan heng took one step closer towards you, and to his surprise, you stood, feet firmly planted on the ground. well, what does that matter now.
he was now towering over you, his eyes never leaving your figure and now was looking down at you. a part of him begged him to not say anything else, to leave with his dignity and his head up high. even if they weren't ... partners anymore, he could still try salvaging a friendship. and yet, his emotions took full control of himself at that moment. "i can't believe i even thought you were the one for me, but i guess i would probably outlive you, anyways. "
he could have sworn he heard your breath hitch as your eyes betrayed everything you were feeling at the time. a mix of grief, sadness and surprise at his words, no doubt. however, it was a fleeting sight that only slipped into another unreadable expression. "leave. please... just leave."
typically, dan heng would be able to tolerate the silence between the both of you, but that was because he could lose himself in your gaze. not now, though. his hand crumpled the paper flower even further before he threw it at the ground. dan heng took one last look at you, a small hope resurfacing that you would take everything back, that you were simply saying it in jest — but there was nothing.
he allowed his anger to overtake him and close the door behind him with a loud slam, huffing in mixed grief and anger and leaving your room for the last time. even when you were no longer looking, dan heng still refused to let that flurry of emotions overwhelm him. he shouldn't cry over someone who gave up on him as easily as that.
if he had lingered for a moment longer, he would have probably heard you breaking down in the loudest sobs on the other side of the door.
━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━
it had been three months since you left the astral express. three months since dan heng closed the door to the possibility that he would spend the rest of his long, long life with you.
three months since he hurled all those hurtful words towards you, which he has regretted since then. but his stupid ego would not let him utter a single apology to you the following morning.
it didn't take long for you to pack your bags and leave, which dan heng actually found relieving. the more he didn't see you and mourn over what could have been, the better.
still, it had been three months. dan heng would be a liar if he said that you did not cross his mind once. well, maybe more than once. maybe a million times since you left. he hated how you still had a hold on him, hated how your voice would be the last thing he's reminded of before he drifts to sleep, but most of all, he hated how he missed you since that fateful night.
how could he have missed the signs?
the tug on his sleeve brought him back to reality, as march looked over at him with a concerned glance. dan heng just shook his head and looked down at the very thing he was holding.
a bouquet of camellias. real ones, this time.
"dan heng, if you're feeling overwhelmed, we can just—" he was already walking ahead of march without listening to what else she had to say. truthfully, nothing she would probably say would deter him. the cold weather of jarilo vi was enough to drone out his ever active mind. so this was the planet that you called home after you left the express.
it did not take long for him to reach his destination, especially with how fast he had been walking. dan heng could barely even see the identifiable pink hair belonging to march behind him anymore. he'd probably have to offer her an apology for leaving her behind later.
it was a desolate deserted place, save for the monsters that roamed nearby and the dilapidated house that dan heng could only surmise as your house. though, he knew already what he was looking for.
"hey, y/n. i know you probably don't want to see me again, but ... here are your favorite flowers, just how you liked them."
to find himself face to face to a makeshift tombstone wasn't a sight that dan heng could have ever prepared himself for, but the fact that it was your tombstone that he was leaving flowers for made his last words towards you sink a knife deeper in his heart.
how could he not have noticed your erratic heartbeat?
when you told him that you couldn’t see a future with him in it, he didn’t think that you meant you did not have a future.
all those months, dan heng refused to let the flurry of emotions overwhelm him, but maybe for this time, he could just blame the emotional downpour on the bleak cold weather.
"if you had told me you were dying, i would have stayed."
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written by carlyle (@particular-one) copyright: all content belongs to particular-one on tumblr (2023)
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🪐 comfort.
something else little !!
WARNINGS: none, js fluff
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sometimes he feels like you are his very own, personal sun.
his entire world- his universe revolves around you and only you. when he wakes up beside you and sees the way the sun shines on your skin, kissing each and every freckle and scar that adorns your beautiful skin.
each sunrise and sunset is filled with you and only you.
your eyes are the only thing he could ever need. the feeling of your skin against his drives him crazy. and what makes it all so much better is the fact that you're all his.
no one can touch you but him.
the fact that his heart beats every day only for you is what drives him to do what he does everyday. the way you trace his scars and kiss his face like you'll die if you don't. the way you sob into him when night rolls around and your life is just too taxing...
he loves you. is that so hard to imagine?
he adores you.
his entire being is dedicated to you.
you own the breath in his lungs, the blood in his veins and the skin on his bones just the same he owns each and every inch of you. you are the only sound he hears. the way your voice calls his name when you can't open the goddamn jar of peanut butter just does something to him.
every time he thinks of you he wants to cry.
how did he deserve you? a monster such as himself paired with the being he sees as earth's very own goddess plucked straight from the paintings of old.
the way your body feels against his in the middle of the night... the way his hands cradle your body as sobs tear from your throat and out into the quiet night..
you are the only thing he sees. his eyes only land on you. when he thinks of perfection you are what comes to mind.
when you come home and lay in bed, watching the fan spin beside him as you babble on and on about your day. if it were anyone else he wouldn't give a single fuck.
but it's you.
you are the one he wants to spend the rest of eternity with. you could very well have cut his heart out and spit on it and he'd have thanked you.
you are his sun, his moon, his stars, his entire life and body and universe.
when he blinks he sees you.
you are the only feeling under his fingertips he would kill to have. his hands running over each curve and dip and imperfection you have to offer is his entire life. the way you look up at him and just smile would make any man crumble- and that's exactly what he wanted to do.
crumble into you and stay there for all of the rest of mother earth's life.
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check the tags for who this would go with !!
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inbarfink · 2 months
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The ‘Escapades‘ in TGAA1 are already such a top-tier idea. I mean, I really wish we could’ve had those in any of the other games somehow.... Overall they’re an incredibly delightful addition to the game, and taking them individually, the least good ones are still like ‘well, that was a fun little vignette for these characters, I’m just not sure if it 100% gels with the main events of the game’.
And I think my favorite one right now has to be the first one, ‘In the Defendant Antechamber’. It just does… so much great stuff to the Asoryuu dynamic, recontextualizes everything that comes after in a way that makes it even better and just feels like such an Essential Viewing for really understanding these two. 
It’s just… you can go through the entire game with Ryunosuke constantly calling Kazuma his ‘best friend’, the ‘person I trusts more than anyone else’ and you might just casually assume that these two go a long way back. Maybe not as much as Kazuma and Susato since Ryunosuke doesn’t have all the details about his childhood, but seeing how much they mean for each other, they must’ve known each other for a while, right?
NOPE
THEY MET IN COLLEGE
ABOUT A YEAR AGO
They’ve known each other for a year, just a pretty ordinary year of school, and they’re already got that Unbreakable Homoerotic Bond of Trust, and Ryunosuke is fully willing to lay down his life for the sake of Kazuma’s dream of going to London. And Kazuma is fully willing to abandon his literal Life Mission of clearing his dead father’s name and avenging him in the shame of failing to defend Ryunosuke. And he drags Ryunosuke with him to London because he knows that he’s the only one who can keep him from straying from his path. And then Ryunosuke decides to dedicate his entire life in the memory of Kazuma. His college buddy. 
But they’re not just college buddies. Because in that one year, they did forge such powerful emotional bonds that all of these actions make sense for them. Because they’re just that kind of Ridiculous Human Beings and I LOVE IT!!
And the story of how they met is just… perfection. Like, if you look at the pre-‘death’ Asoryuu dynamic, it’s very ‘Japan’s most amazing promising young lawyer-samurai is absolutely enamored with an Anxiety-Ridden Human Disaster’. Kazuma Asogi is the Proudest Moronsexual and Ryunosuke Naruhodo is dating way beyond his league.
But also….the thing that drew Kazuma to Ryunosuke in the first place is the fact that he bested him at something. Kazuma is this rising star at Yumei University, he’s got the brains and the brawn, it seems like he is poised for success and glory for the rest of his days - and then this anxious innocuous little goofball beats him… humiliates him even. Ryunosuke beat the star student of Yumei University without any ambition or ill-intention, he was just being himself, he is just this silly little linguistic dork who likes tongue-twisters. 
And Kazuma feels no real resentment or spite about this defeat. He was beaten at his own game by such a silly little guy and all he feels is respect and affection and appreciation. A desire for friendship. Maybe even love. 
And meanwhile, Ryunosuke has just kinda forgotten that this is how they met. I mean, it's not like he totally forgotten it, but... it doesn't seem to register as particularly Notable in his own memories. It's just not that important to him. That was probably a life-changing unforgettable event for Kazuma, but when Ryunosuke thinks about their friendship he just thinks about hanging out after class and eating Yakisoba together. Because that’s just the kinda guy Ryunosuke is, and I think Kazuma appreciates that just as much as his tongue-twister skills.
Also, it kinda connects to an idea I brought up in a previous post, that Kazuma Asogi is less of a direct counterpart to Miles Edgeworth and more of a… mirror image, an inversion.
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Phoenix and Miles’ friendship started with Miles saving Phoenix…
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A moment which was a world-changing story for Phoenix that literally defined his entire life, but Miles, although he always kept his memories of Phoenix close to his heart, can barely remember it. 
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Ryunosuke and Kazuma’s friendship started with Ryunosuke beating Kazuma. A moment that is… certainly not the most important thing in Kazuma’s life, but one that has certainly made his mark on him, and one that he is not going to forget. But Ryunosuke just... doesn't really think about it unless it's directly brought up.
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And it’s just… such a good piece of characterization for both of them on every thematic level, I just love it so much!!
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teamatsumu · 11 months
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good enough.
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Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x reader
Word count: 2,578
✎ Soulmate AU, Angst, Hurt comfort
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You had always been a meek child. And it shocked everyone you would meet.
It had a lot to do with the fact that your parents were both extremely outgoing. They were loud, adventurous types who loved trying new things. It wasn't difficult to see how they were soulmates. They were practically cut from the same cloth. But you, you often made people lose the plot. You didn't act like your parents' daughter at all.
You had always been very shy. It had taken you forever to make friends in daycare, and even longer once you entered kindergarten. Kids were too loud and too messy. So you preferred to keep to yourself. The few friends you had were because someone else would take you 'under their wing' somehow.
You got better as you grew up, though you could still technically be considered an introvert. You hated that word. Hated how limiting it was and how it put you into a box. You weren't an introvert. You had friends that you loved hanging out with and spending time with. You didn't prefer being alone. You loved companionship.
You just didn't think you were interesting enough to deserve it.
So you stayed in your little circle of dedicated friends, girls you had met as a little kid and stuck by all through elementary and middle school. But towards the end of middle school, something happened that changed your life forever.
You met your soulmate.
Well, 'met' was a strong word. You saw him, from afar. You laid eyes on him, felt that electricity shoot up inside you, the mantra of 'soulmate, soulmate, soulmate' repeating in your head. It was the same pattern of feelings you were told your whole life that you would feel. Down to every last detail. Yet your brain couldn't accept it. You couldn't believe the obvious signals your body was sending you. It just couldn't be.
Your soulmate was…… Oikawa Tooru?
The Oikawa Tooru. Kitagawa Daiichi's star setter. The best player their school had seen so far. You had seen him while he was receiving the award for best setter. When your eyes had settled on him for more than 5 seconds, signaling to your body that you were looking directly at your soulmate. You were frozen in your spot, obscured in the crowd of students seated for the ceremony. Watching as Oikawa accepted his medal and his shield. The center of attention, the smile on his face bright and warm.
You in the bleachers, clapping mechanically, no different from anyone around you. Blending into your surroundings like you had your entire life.
It took you many, many weeks to get used to the idea that Oikawa Tooru was your soulmate. Your other half. It just didn't sit well with you. You had seen soulmate couples your entire life, including your parents. People with similar tastes, more or less matching personalities, so in love and so in sync.
You and Oikawa were worlds apart.
He had a gentle charm to him, easy going smile and bright, bright brown eyes, hair so casually wind swept, the color of warm chestnut. He was tall, lean, enough to command a room the second he entered it. It almost seemed like he had a spotlight on him at all times. As you watched him from afar, cracking jokes and laughing loud, annoying his friends and greeting his fans, you realized just how different you two were.
You were, in every sense of the word, average. You weren't confident, but you could speak your mind when you wanted. You weren't ugly, but you weren't exactly a head turner. You were so….. mediocre. Especially compared to someone as rare and wonderful as Oikawa Tooru. There's no way you could match up to him.
You didn't deserve him. And more importantly, he deserved so much better than you.
You never dared mention to anyone that you knew who your soulmate was. Your friends would hound you forever and your parents would be flabbergasted that you didn't tell him yet. You didn't have it in yourself to explain to them why you didn't. It made sense in your head, but you had enough awareness to know that other people would say it's utter bullshit. You didn't want to deal with that. Someday, Oikawa would give up on finding his soulmate and settle down with someone else. Someone who could fit into his shiny, busy world. All you had to do till then was stay out of the way. This was for Oikawa's own good.
You knew fate was testing you when you unintentionally ended up at the same high school as Oikawa. You had nearly done a double take when you saw him in the halls, talking to that spiky haired boy he was friends with, basking in the admiring looks of multiple girls that walked past him and waved at him. It made you sigh. It's like every time you saw him, you were reminded how much better he was than you. And all it did was strengthen your resolve to stay miles away from him.
You managed to successfully avoid Oikawa for many months, which wasn't hard considering your straightforward routine. You didn't like leaving class for no reason. You had lunch at your desk. You weren't part of any clubs so you would go straight home afterwards. Also owing to the fact that Oikawa appeared to be the busiest person in the world, it made your life much easier.
You should've known it wouldn't last long. It seemed the entire universe was conspiring to get you closer to Oikawa. And the universe had sent Matsukawa Issei to do the job.
Matsukawa was in the same class as you. He sat next to you in the back row and dosed off during most of the lessons. You thought he was incredibly amusing. Especially when he would sneak food into his mouth during classes and try to chew it without the teacher noticing that his mouth was moving. When you would try to hide your grin, he would wink at you and offer you food too, and both of you would munch on it while you waited for lessons to be over. He was very laid back and easy going, yet had a lot of confidence. In an ideal world where you weren't so anxious, you liked to think you would be a lot like him.
You never would've dreamed that someone so naturally lazy would actually be part of a sports club. Especially not volleyball. The thought never crossed your mind. Had you known, you wouldn't have touched him with a ten foot pole. But you made it a point to stay as far away from Oikawa and volleyball as possible, so you didn't know. Big mistake.
The midday sun was beating on your head as you stood waiting at the school gate. You tried leaning against the wall but the brick was burning up, making you yelp and jump away. You scowled at your phone, staring at Matsukawa's name before hitting Call. He picked up after only two beeps.
"Y/N-?"
"Where the hell are you, Issei? I'm getting cooked in this heat!" You whined, feeling your scowl deepen. You watched students bustle out of the gate, eager to get home and away from the sun. There was a short pause on the other end of the line before Matsukawa spoke again.
"Oh shit."
You groaned out loud at the words, knowing exactly what he meant.
"Issei, I need those notes! We have a quiz tomorrow and you promised me you would give them back after school."
You could hear Matsukawa panting on the other end, making your eyebrows furrow. Was he running?
"Listen, Y/N. I left my bag at the gym. The team is out on a run right now and I think we will be back in maybe ten minutes? Why don't you go wait at the gym and I'll give it to you when I come-"
"Wait," you cut him off. "What gym? What are you talking about?"
More huffing. "Oh yeah, you don't know. I'm in the volleyball club. Go wait for me at the gym."
You stilled, blinking once, before the implication of his words sank in and panic gripped your chest. "No, no, wait! I can't go there. I'll wait for you at the gate and you can just come give it to me-"
"Coach won't let me leave the gym during practice time. What's the big deal? It'll take two minutes-"
"No Issei!" You cut him off, feeling cornered. "Keep the notebook. I'll get it from you tomorrow."
"But what about the qui-"
You hung up.
Your heart was beating a mile a minute, thoughts racing. That was so close. So close. You had unintentionally become friends with Oikawa's teammate. And you had no clue. Panic gripped you as you realized what this meant. At any given time, Oikawa could've seen you. He could've walked into your classroom to talk to Issei about something and laid eyes on you. Then he would've known.
The walk home was shaky and disorienting. You felt frustrated with yourself at this game you were playing. Trying to stay away from the boy this universe was begging you to be with. Someone your heart also desperately wanted, but your insecure, anxious brain was constantly yelling at you to stay away from.
He's too good. His future is too bright. You'll ruin him.
You were so tired.
The quiz ended up being pretty easy, considering the fact that you didn't study for it at all and spent most of your evening crying, then watching some shitty comedy on Netflix that didn't make you laugh at all, going through your snack drawer like an madwoman and finally falling asleep, where brown eyes plagued you in your dreams for the rest of the night. You thanked the gods that you had nothing good to do in your life and hence spent most of your time studying. It meant you did pretty well on your test despite doing nothing to prepare for it.
If there was one thing about you that was way above average, it was your brain.
Issei was looking at you weirdly throughout the day, and he finally spoke up at lunch, something you had been dreading.
"You wanna tell me what the hell that was yesterday?" He crossed his arms, staring at you so hard you were afraid he could take a peek into your soul.
"What the hell was what." You deadpanned, avoiding his gaze.
"Don't be daft. You nearly had a panic attack when I told you to come meet me at the volleyball gym."
You cringed at the word 'volleyball', sighing deeply. "I just didn't want to make the extra trip, it was really hot outside-"
You stopped talking when Matsukawa abruptly sat up, eyes narrowed at you. "You're bullshitting me. Tell me the truth."
You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "I am telling you the-"
"I'll drag the entire volleyball team here if I have to." He drawled, a challenge in his voice. "You freaked me out yesterday. And it has something to do with my club. So tell me, or I'll find out somehow."
You felt your heart race. Dammit. You couldn't think of anything else. You couldn't think of a lie to placate him. And as you stared into his dark eyes, you knew you had lost.
Matsukawa Issei became the first person to know who your soulmate was.
He had dragged you out of the class after lunch break. There had been too much to unpack in that short amount of time. You hid behind the school overlooking the grounds, telling Matsukawa everything, like word vomit that you couldn't stop. You realized as you talked just how desperate you were to tell someone about all this. You had kept it in for so long that just saying it all out loud seemed to lighten your load.
A thick blanket of silence fell on you two when you finished, nearly out of breath. You watched Matsukawa intently as he stared out at the grounds, one leg pulled up to his torso and resting his arm on his knee. He sighed heavily, running a hand across his face.
"For someone who gets the best grades in our class, you have got to be the dumbest person I have ever met."
You blinked at his words, shocked. "Huh?"
He scowled deeply at you, shocking you even more. He looked almost angry.
"You think you know better than the universe? You think you're smarter than fate?" He raised his voice, looking pissed. "How can you think the gods were wrong when they paired you with Oikawa? And to make this huge decision, without even considering how Oikawa might feel-"
"How dare you." Your voice trembled, feeling tears prick at your lash line. "All I did was consider how Oikawa might feel. I put my own feelings aside-"
"What the hell makes you think this is what Oikawa wants?" Matsukawa raised his voice even more, nearly swelling up in frustration. "You don't know him. You don't know if he wants you. You can't make this decision for him!"
You reeled at his words, blinking your tears away furiously. What the hell was Issei implying? That Oikawa could actually make any alternative choice? It couldn't be. Why would he want you?
Issei's face was softening, watching the emotions flit over your face.
"Y/N," he continued. "You're my friend. I'd like to think I know you. And from what I've seen, I guarantee you that there is not one thing about you that Oikawa won't like."
"But I-" You drew in a trembling breath. "We're so different."
Issei snorted and shrugged. "Trust me, he needs that. Or his head would get too big for his own body to carry."
You two stayed silent for a bit, letting Issei's words wash over you like a cold shower after a hot day. Your heart was screaming at you to believe him, but your mind wouldn't let up. You heard him sigh and stand up, stretching his arms above his head. How long had you been out here anyway? It felt like hours. Was school over? What time was it?
"Alright, let's go." You snapped out of your thoughts at his words, blinking owlishly up at him.
"Go where?"
He didn't answer, waving your question off like he was swatting a fly before he grabbed your arm and pulled you up to your feet, not giving you a moment to breathe as he led you away.
"Issei-"
"Shut up. I've heard enough outta you." He didn't look back at you. You felt a sting of indignation, falling into silence and letting him drag you. You felt so burnt out.
You only tuned back into the present when you heard the squeaks and thuds on hardwood floors, tensing up when Issei climbed the three small stairs leading to the open volleyball gym doors. He tugged your arm when he realized you had stopped, turning to look at you. He gave you a soft look, almost pleading.
"He deserves this. Please."
You felt your shoulders slump in acceptance, mind stilling and slowing in its tirade of thoughts. With one last deep breath, you stepped inside.
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Let me know what you think!
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jpnriikicore · 11 months
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── public eye
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paring colby brock x fem!musician!reader, word count 958, genre fluff, authors note ngl this is my fav piece i've did, ( masterlist )
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fireworks burst in the sky lighting up the entire night sky, as you and your members are rushed backstage.
"hi, baby!" you rush towards colby, as you enter the dressing room. he picks you up from the ground engulfing you in a tight hug. you kiss his cheek as he places you back onto the ground again.
"here you go." sam said, handing you a bouquet of yellow roses.
"thanks, sammy!" you pull sam into a quick hug.
you haven’t seen colby nor sam in two months since they went to their trip to japan and you went on tour with your band.
"alright, sorry to break this reunion, but we have to go right now." maría, your band manger said.
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you held hands as you walk into the hotel as multiple paparazzis cameras flash taking pictures of you. even some yelling questions towards you.
"y/n, what project are you working on next?"
"an album." you flash him a smile. tightening your grip on colby’s hand to make sure you don’t lose him within the crowd.
"can you tell us what is the album about?"
"a dedication towards someone special in my life." you replied quickly as you walk through the doors of the expensive hotel.
this action of holding hands wasn’t unusual between you two, so nobody would suspect anything. you’ve been friends with sam and colby since they started vine. you was the one to film their vines and youtube videos. occasionally starring in one of their vines or videos. according to the media you’ve been strictly friends since forever.
you got into the elevator pushing the eleventh floor going up to the presidential suite. "I’m sorry, baby." you apologized, as you leaned against him looking up at him. you stood on your tippy toes reaching to give me a quick kiss. you know at times all of the paparazzi could get too much. hell, you’ve had one too many anxiety attacks because of it. lucky one of your members or your beloved, colby, was there to help you. you’ve even helped colby through some when he has them out in public. normally he keeps his head down and stays as close as possible to you when the paparazzi gets too much for him.
"it’s alright." he pulled you in closer engulfing you in a tight hug. he pressed a kiss on the top of your head.
you exit the elevator and into the suite with his arm around your shoulder and your arms wrapped around his waist. you noticed your members joking around in in the kitchen, as you quietly sneak over to your room.
"did you have fun in japan?" you asked even though you already knew the answer. he sent you videos and pictures of places he visited. he even stay up just a bit longer than normal just to talk to you about his trip. you slipped on a pair of his sweat pants and an xplr hoodie.
"it was good, but i missed you." he replied, settling in the freshly washed sheets of the bed.
"i missed you too, baby." you said, turning off the lights of the bathroom crawling into bed settling between his legs.
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"do you think it’s a good idea coming out to yours fans?" you asked, leaning your head back onto his shoulder.
"it’s going to fine, baby." he kissed the top of your head.
it was your idea in the first place to finally go public with your relationship after dating for three years and being married for three years already. with the recent news of you founding our that you was pregnant you thought now would be the time.
all though when you purposed the idea he shut down the idea completely wanting to protect you and the unborn baby, but you convinced him to do so. using the fact that once the baby comes fans were going to find out anyways. it was better to hear it from him than figuring it out by another source.
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"stay for five minutes longer!" he whined, shuffling in the sheets holding onto your wrist, after his miserable attempt to keep you stay put in the hotel room with him. he let go of your wrist grabbing the pillow next to him shoving his face into the plushand groaned into the cotton material.
"babe, i can’t you’ve already made me late and maría is starting to hate you because of it." you said, slipping on your leather jacket. the leather jacket you’ve been waiting to wear since you got married. a leather jacket decorated with a bunch of pins in the front and your married surname spray painted in white on the back. you lean down and move the pillow away from his face to quickly kiss his lips.
once finally escaping clingy colby you made your way to the hotel lobby out to the valet where your bands van was. you slid open the van door slipping into the seat you always seat in.
"sorry, i was late it’s-"
"because of colby." your members said in sync causing you to chuckle. it’s been a recurring theme even since you started dating colby. that he would make you incredibly late most times because you would spend most of your time with him and forget about time making you late for important events.
you scrolled through twitter seeing all the tweets from fans going utterly crazy over the new update of your relationship. you noticed a new notification from colbs.
colbs <3
i miss you 🖤
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© JPNRIIKICORE, 2023
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haoboutyou · 6 months
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when jihoon is in love | lee jihoon
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fluff | 600-ish | no warnings
an: a lil jihoon brainrot for my wifey @bluehoodiewoozi 🫶
when jihoon is in love, you’re on his mind 24/7. it’s written on his face whenever you’re the topic of conversation with his members. it’s to the point soonyoung has to cover jihoon’s mouth whenever he talks about you. he does the utmost research when it comes to taking you out for dates, always wanting to make sure you have a comfortable and enjoyable time with him.
he stares at you like you’ve put up all the stars in the sky. to him, you are -the most precious thing to ever exist. he takes all of your compliments and criticisms seriously, and strives to be a better man for you.
when jihoon loves, he does it quietly.
he’s not very vocal about it. he loves in head pats, in bumping shoulders, in holding your hand. he loves in linking pinkies when you walk, in giving you free access to his studio, in the small glances he sends your way when he thinks you’re not looking. he loves in remembering the little things; cheering you on a project you had only mentioned briefly once, remembering your favourite cafe order, carrying an extra hair tie around because he knows you prefer your hair out of your face, despite insisting on having your hair down because you know he finds it pretty.
the best way he’s found to show his love, however, is through his music.
when jihoon loves like that, he’s louder than the roar of a formula one car, louder than the call of a blue whale. his love songs are all dedicated to you; they end up being his most streamed songs. the love and passion he has for you is so clear in them that it’s like looking through glass.
you always have the honour of first listen whenever he writes his songs. he sits you on his lap, arms around you as he navigates his laptop to start the song. the listening party always ends up with you endlessly praising his work, and him a blushing mess as he hides behind your shoulders. however, the very first time he shows you a rough draft of his music, you cry. you cry because you’re so overwhelmed by your love for him, and by his love for you. jihoon panics because that was the first time you’ve ever cried in front of him, awkwardly wrapping an arm around you and pulling you into his chest as you sob declarations of love into his shoulder.
(he ranks that day second out of his top 10 proudest moments; just lower than the day he successfully proposed to you and slightly higher than winning daesangs with his team.)
when jihoon is in love, his entire viewpoint changes. all of a sudden, the sun reminds him of your warm touch, and the wind is as gentle as your fingers when you card them through his hair. he learns to take on the optimistic outlook you have in life, and grows to appreciate the mundane. especially when it’s with you.
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maislovebot · 3 months
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Tbh this is just me rambling about how Atsushi loves eating you out because I love him and I’m sick and have nothing better to do
Today I saw someone say that Atsushi wouldn’t really care for eating you out and all I could think was ‘did we watch the same show??’ and I wrote this out of retaliation LMAO
Atsushi eats, and he eats good. He loves to give you head, there’s something about dipping his tongue between your folds and holding your hips down and eating you out until you go numb and your vision goes white. He also loves to pin you down while he eats you out. He’s not sure why, but something about gripping the crux of your knee and pushing your legs back until your knees are touching your shoulders is so hot to him. When he does this, your cunt is practically on display to him, and just the thought of that drives him insane.
He so badly wants to pin your legs back and eat you out for as long as you can handle, but he knows it’s not realistic. He knows he probably couldn’t dedicate hours of his time to just eating you out, but he can surely try. Just the thought of your thighs clenching around his head while he bends you in half is so hot to him.
These thoughts often bleed into his head during work. Specifically if he’s been doing paperwork all day, his back is sore from the cheap chairs, his brain hurts from staring at a screen all day, and then there’s you, who single handedly manages to make even the mundane more interesting. His thoughts start wholesome, just thinking about finally getting home from work and getting to hold you close on his bed, getting to nuzzle his head in the crook of your neck, then he’s thinking about nuzzling his head between your thighs, and now he’s zoning out with a dumb smile on his face while he thinks about eating you out for as long as you can handle.
Before he knows it, he’s desperate and he gets even more red from Kunikida questioning him as to why he looks so red. Kunikida goes on a short rant about how if he needs a short break, Yosano’s office is right around the corner, but before he’s done Atsushi is running off to the storage closet to take some deep breaths and calm down. He doesn’t want to jerk off at work, so he tries his hardest to get you out of his head, but it obviously doesn’t work. He ends up just suffering for the rest of the day with his head on the desk.
Once he’s finally back from work, he is practically all over you. He’s like your shadow, patiently waiting for you to lay down on the bed, then finally begging to do what he’s been thinking about all day. And he does not give it up. Before you know it, you’re drooling and whining and pulling at his hair while he does exactly what he was dreaming about and pushes your knees up to the sides of your head (with a pillow under you as a sort of brace) as he fucks you with his tongue. He’s forcing his tongue as deep as it can go and tasting you from the inside. He hasn’t even glanced up at you once the entire time, he’s so focused on your taste. Anytime you twitched and tightened your thighs around his head as you got closer to orgasm was like a sense of relief for him. You didn’t even notice the tears beginning to sting your eyes from the sheer overstimulation.
He loved tasting you, but at a certain point he figured he should begin to stimulate your clit, the way you were bucking your hips up and into his face was very telling. He placed his tongue directly on your clit and began to lick stripes up it and you swore you could see stars. Your head turned to the side as the grip on his hair loosened because you didn’t have the strength to grip it anymore. He loved it. Even after you were exhausted and tired, he couldn’t stop. He made sure to get you to come just a few more times to play it safe, and he finally stopped holding onto your thighs for dear life. Once he finally pulled away, he was rewarded with the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
There you were, with your hair disheveled and sweat dripping down your forehead as you breathed heavily. There were small tears bubbling at the corners of your half lidded eyes, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He looked down and saw you twitch every so often from the effects he had on you. There was slick dripping down your thighs and onto the bed, leaving it a stain you both would definitely have to clean up later. He could see small bruises on your thighs from his tight grip on you, and he did feel bad, but a carnal part of him loved the sight. He finally took a look at himself, and he couldn’t help but notice the embarrassing stain on the front of his pants. He didn’t even try to receive any form of stimulation the entire time, and yet he somehow came completely untouched.
He glanced back up at your face, smiling at the way you whispered for him to come closer. He could tell your voice was rubbed raw from the amount of noise he had made, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Wc - 0.8k
This was so hot it started getting hard to type because I was getting that weak feeling I always get across my entire body when I'm super turned on. Just writing this a/n was difficult so I apologize for any spelling errors in advance..:3
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sequinsnstars · 11 days
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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ filling in the blanks as we go ݁˖ ⊹ ‧₊˚
JASON GRACE .ᐟ
ingredients; mason grace, walks in the woods, and little kids
fyi; gn reader who is roman but has no specified godly parent, timeline is messy but wtv, cursing, i reference media i like bc i’m self indulgent, little additions to the hoo plot, children forced into being soldiers 😕 greek part of the seven is visiting cj, also PLATONIC PIPER AND NICO CRUMBS bc wdym they only became close during the sun and the star??? reader is especially close w them
notes; part 2 of fresh page, on the desk. enjoy! dedicated to the lovely hannah @starlitszn mwah
wc; 2.1k omg
food mood; key lime pie. topped with the essential sweet whipped cream.
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You liked to think of your life as pretty normal.
Training sessions, mythology studies, war games, the usual. In your free time, you would hang out with your friends, visit New Rome, read books, listen to music, and occasionally sneak out to the mortal world.
But the praetor pretending to be your boyfriend? That was new.
Walking out of Cyclops Books, you thought about what to do next. You’d just finished baking the cupcakes with Tyson, and he’d let you take the extras home. You were planning to share them with Piper and relay the recent events, since who was better to tell than the daughter of love?
Just then, you saw your SPQR tattoo emanate a dark purple glow – the sign to return to barracks immediately.
A few months ago, the Council had proposed that all probatio and those of higher ranking have some way to be alerted if there was an emergency. In response, the praetors had worked with the children of Vulcan to design a little chip that would be placed underneath one’s forearm skin. It was connected to a special device that could activate a color change to the Camp Jupiter purple when needed. Probatio didn’t have tattoos yet, so they got the smallest (and least painful) chips, while other rankings received slightly larger ones so all their SPQR markings lit up. It was nasty to get them inserted, but if anyone complained, Reyna would list off a variety of unpleasant situations where they might be killed if they didn’t have the system. If anyone chose to ignore the alert, they were guaranteed to drop a rank.
You hurried back to the New Rome entrance and exit area. Upon seeing your glowing tattoo, Terminus (surprisingly) made no judgemental comments and ushered you out of the city. At least, you thought he did. It was hard to tell, since he had no arms.
As you headed inside the official campgrounds, you spotted a circle of worried-looking demigods waiting near the barracks. The two praetors as well as Hazel, Frank, Percy, Annabeth, Grover, and another boy you didn’t know were at the front, urgently discussing something in hushed tones. You suddenly realized that this probably had to do with the reason Jason had abruptly left Cyclops Books – something about needing to help out a soldier?
Piper, Leo, and Nico were all gathered near their friends, but the two groups weren’t speaking. Piper had her arms crossed and was talking to Leo as he nodded along.
You rushed to them, out of breath. “Hey. Do you guys know what’s going on?”
Leo shook his head. “No. We tried asking them about it, but they said they’d tell us soon enough. We didn’t push it any further, since they seemed really stressed. Honestly, considering the last time this alert was triggered, it’s probably nothing too serious. Gods, that was embarrassing. People can’t even enjoy Sabrina anymore, man.”
(Last time, Frank had caught Leo at a party dancing shirtless on top of a table while Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter played. The big guy panicked and sent out a signal to the entire camp. After that incident, Reyna banned him from using the device any more.)
Piper looked at you and grinned mischievously. “Speaking of Jason, he’s been glancing at you a lot since you arrived. Anything you want to tell me?” You almost choked on air.
Nico sighed. “Just because a person looks at another person doesn’t mean there’s something between them, Piper. We’re not all like you and Shel who give each other heart eyes when you’re not sitting together at the campfire.”
“Can’t a girl admire her beautiful and perfect girlfriend? Anyway, stop pretending you and Solace weren’t staring at each other like forbidden lovers last night just because you were on different Monopoly teams–”
“That’s different!”
“Oh, are you being sexist right now? You clearly haven’t unlearned the ways of the 1930s–”
“Attention!” Reyna’s firm voice silenced everyone in the area. “We have assembled here today due to a missing young soldier from the Fifth Cohort. We have good reason to believe she is in the woods just beyond the Field of Mars. With the help of Jake Mason, a son of Hephaestus from Camp Half-Blood–” She gestured to the boy that had been talking to their group earlier. “–we plan to send two soldiers as scouts.”
Whispers broke out among the demigods when Reyna said the last bit. They didn’t last long, however; Aurum and Argentum barked furiously, which was enough to make people listen.
The praetor continued. “Recently, we’ve discovered that more than one individual may have an empathy link as long as a satyr is involved, so we plan to set up one between the two soldiers and Grover Underwood here in case any danger is encountered on the way. Jake has found an old device that scans brain similarities: thought process, frequent emotions, cognitive functions, and so on. We will select the individuals with the most alike minds so the empathy link takes up the least energy. Please gather in a line for this assessment.”
You and your fellow campers (plus Reyna’s group) quickly did as she said, and Jake came around. The machine was pretty simple – it looked a little like those no-touch forehead thermometers a doctor in the mortal world would use. The purpose was entirely different, though, as with any demigod contraption. Everyone was a little restless until the son of Hephaestus tested himself and announced the results.
He cleared his throat before saying, “The two soldiers are–” He pointed at you. “Uh, what’s your name? Sorry.”
Stunned, you told him.
He nodded. “Ok. You and Praetor Grace will go to the woods together.”
You didn’t dare look at Piper.
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.
“Are you sure you’ve got everything?” asked Nico, his voice full of concern.
You gave him a small smile. “Yes. You really didn’t have to pack for me, you know. I could have done it myself.” The empathy links had been set up and you were just about to leave.
He rolled his eyes. “Yes, I’m aware. You’re very independent. Just let me do this one thing. For all we know, this trip is a death wish.”
“Very motivating, Nico,” Piper said dryly. “No but seriously, stay safe out there. And don’t have too much fun with Jason. You are on a professional mission, after all.” She winked.
Now you rolled your eyes. “Pipes, you need to let that go.”
You caught a whiff of something that smelled like… clean laundry? Turning around, you found yourself looking at a certain blonde boy, except this time he was wearing a dark blue New Rome University hoodie and a silver dog tag necklace on top, paired with baggy gray cargo pants.
He really had to stop sneaking up on you like that.
“Um, hi. You ready to go?” Jason’s voice was a little rough, like he’d been talking for a while and was now tired.
You nodded and waved to your friends. “Bye, guys.”
For the first ten minutes or so, it was painfully awkward. As you two walked to the woods, the only sound was chatting from the barracks and the crunchy gravel underneath your feet. When you reached your destination, nothing much changed apart from instead hearing the crickets sing and the leaves rustle. You were also half-expecting a monster to pop out of nowhere – there was a reason people avoided this grove.
Venus was probably having the time of her life watching.
“I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
You looked at Jason, startled.
“It was kind of a dick move to just throw that whole boyfriend thing on you. I wasn’t thinking, and now we’ve got to commit to this act, and now you’ve got to lie to your friend, and go on a whole fake date with me, and it’s really all my fault, sorry. If you’re mad, that’s totally fine–”
“You know, you really talk too much.” You were surprised that your voice came out so calmly, considering that you were kind of freaking out. “Yes, you did not make the smartest move there. But that’s okay. Just because you’re a praetor doesn’t mean you can’t fuck up sometimes. Besides, we don’t really have a way out of this.”
For a few seconds, there was no response.
Until Jason chuckled, deep and gravelly. “Wow. That was probably the most honest yet most comforting thing I’ve ever been told.”
“You’re welcome. So how are you thinking we execute this whole… situation? The date shouldn’t be too bad, but I’m mostly worried about how we’ll have to make it public to the camp. Tyson and Percy are half-brothers, and you know how Percy is–”
“He loves gossip. I’m guessing both camps will find out within a day if he knows.” Jason smiled. “I propose we reveal it in a subtle way, so people take a while to piece together that we’re, you know, quote unquote dating.”
You looked at him.
“What?” he asked.
“Are you cold?”
“No?” Jason frowned. He smirked and added, “Quite the opposite, actually.”
Raising an eyebrow, you replied, “Okay, Mason.” (He flushed.) “Give me your hoodie. I’ll probably get a load of it from Piper when we get back, but I think it’ll help our plan work.”
The boy did as you said and handed the hoodie over. You put it on, not expecting it to be so comfy. Jason was wearing a shirt underneath that read “I ♡ SABRINA SLUTS” which very much did not hug his biceps a little too tightly. You guessed the clothing choice was courtesy of Leo.
You were about to compliment it when you heard a faint sobbing echo through the woods.
The praetor looked at you. “Think that’s our soldier?”
You both jogged towards where the sound came from. Sitting against the trunk of a willow tree, you saw a dark-haired girl that looked about 10 years old. Her denim shorts had dark splotches from where her tears had fallen. Upon hearing you approach, she quickly wiped her face.
Jason knelt down next to her and gently took her hand. “Hi.”
You copied his actions, taking her other hand. Softly, you asked, “What’s your name?”
“Gracie.”
Jason smiled. “That’s a very pretty name. You wanna tell us what’s going on?”
The girl put her head in her hands and took a deep breath. “I don’t know. I was just thinking about how much I miss my mortal home and how scared I am now. It feels like there’s danger everywhere and I can never feel safe. I wish I was back at school like a normal kid, but instead I’m preparing for battles and having wolf ladies train me. I started feeling really bad so I came here, hoping it would help. I’m sorry, it’s really stupid and probably caused a fuss if you both had to come find me–”
“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t say that. It’s okay to feel that way. There are so, so many demigods who have thought the same things as you. Even I did, and I’m the praetor.” Gracie laughed a little at the last bit that Jason said.
“Exactly,” you agreed. “You are being so brave right now. Just telling two people you haven’t ever talked to before about how you’re feeling takes courage.”
“You really think so?” Her voice was small.
“We know so.” Jason squeezed her hand. “Now, do you want to sit down here for a little longer, and we’ll tell camp you’re okay? We can stay with you.”
Gracie shook her head and declared, “I’m ready to go back now.”
“Okay.” He grinned. “Wait. I know what to do.”
Jason picked her up, bridal-style, and the girl squealed. Looking at him, with his slightly messy hair and huge smile, you felt closer somehow. Perhaps it was the empathy link, but it was like you were seeing a side of him that not many people knew. You were seeing Jason Grace, the boy who loses his glasses and thinks he’s being a burden (even though he isn’t) rather than Jason Grace, the praetor who fought the Titan Krios.
You liked this look better on him.
“Hello? Are you there?” Jason was staring at you intently, which made your cheeks grow warm. You hadn’t realized the two expected a response.
“Sorry, what?” You started walking back to camp, and they followed.
“Gracie here was just telling me that key lime pie is her comfort food, so I asked you if you’d like to bake it with us.”
“Oh, I love key lime pie! Sure.”
He beamed at you. Gracie continued her conversation, and you listened to her talk about the time she almost burned down her house a few years ago trying to make it. It was a peaceful walk, and you felt like you were with old friends.
Maybe, you thought, you could get used to Jason Grace.
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hope you enjoyed the meal!
thank you for your order and your waitress siara hopes you come again soon 💌
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lostlegendaerie · 2 months
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Veritas Ratio and Autistic Representation
Chances are you know autistic people in your life; autism itself is a fairly recently coined term, dating back to 1911, and can encompass a wide variety of symptoms and eccentricities which have existed since the dawn of humankind. (The 'fey-touched' child or changeling in European lore shares a lot of traits with autistic children.) Autism is a spectrum, encompassing and overlapping a lot with ADHD and other neurological disorders. There are probably millions of people out there, especially from older generations, who are on the spectrum and have no idea. I did not even get my diagnosis until I was 27.
So it is entirely possible that the creators of Veritas Ratio from Honkai: Star Rail did not intend to write him as autistic and based him on people they knew in their own lives, who, diagnosed or not, are on the autistic spectrum. However, the point of this piece is to talk about the ways in which Veritas Ratio is good autistic representation (in my opinion as a autistic person), and how people who want to write characters like this can take a page out of Honkai's book in their own work.
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1) SPECIAL INTEREST. Ratio shows a *staggering* amount of dedication to the pursuit of knowledge and his quest to cure the world of ignorance. This quest of his tends to supersede everything else in his life, with no mention of any friends, family connections or romantic partners in his character story. (Said as a Ratiorine shipper - not sinking any 'ships, here) His dedication to education started early, with reading college undergraduate education levels while still in middle school - seven or so years ahead of his peers. Autism is considered a disability, yes, but it does not exclude you from being smart, and the fixation on your chosen topic(s) can be extremely useful in motivating you to reach the top of your field. His path being The Hunt also outlines this dedication; he is seeking his target without rest or distraction.
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2) SENSORY ISSUES. Ratio very explicitly can become distracted and disgusted by the feeling of dirt or sweat on his skin, something that tends to be more prevalent with specific clothing textures but absolutely can manifest in a need to feel clean. He also can apparently become very irritated and overwhelmed by lights and sounds, and wears his plaster mask as a way to deaden and deafen the amount of sensory input that he receives. This allows him to think better, and is a fantastic example of what it feels like to suffer from sensory overload. (If you find yourself getting stressed in crowds, try bringing earplugs and putting them in the next time you're in a noisy restaurant and see if doesn't help you out.)
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3) STRONG SENSE OF MORALITY. Autistic people tend to suffer from a somewhat black-and-white feeling of right and wrong, and can hold themselves and other people to an extremely strict moral code. This does not mean that they are always correct in what they believe is right and wrong, but it means that they can be extremely passionate about following those rules. Ratio's beef with the Genius Society and their selectivity is indicative of his unwavering passion towards sharing knowledge with the masses, but the tactless way in which he wishes to cure ignorance bleeds into our fourth point.
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4) DIFFICULTY WITH SOCIAL CUES. In one of his earlier conversations with Aventurine (where he is clearly irritated at how careless Aventurine seems to be about their entire mission), Ratio inadvertently insults Aventurine's his lack of education and parents. He apologizes afterwards, stating he did not intend to come across that way, but he maintains the same imperious tone of voice. Autistic people often, but not always, struggle with social cues and can often be considered rude when we are trying to be direct and easily understood; and we can especially struggle with understanding sarcasm or sounding sarcastic when we intend to be sincere.
With my reasons for believing Ratio to be Autistic coded firmly established, let's move onto why I think he is good representation. The two most important parts of representation, in my lived experience as an Autistic person, are RELATABILITY and EMPATHY.
Ratio exhibits some of the same mentalities and symptoms I've had, such as being misunderstood and accidentally offending people and becoming extremely stressed in large crowds due to overstimulation, so he checks off the first box. But the way that the other characters in the game respect him and do not ridicule him for his eccentricities marks the second. Whether in marketing material or in character dialogue options, Ratio's love of baths, his plaster bust, and his ceaseless drive to educate other people (whether they need it or not) are seen as charming and generally positive, and those attributes are not constantly brought up (and mocked) in his interactions and dialogue with other characters. Aventurine doesn't constantly ask Ratio if he needs to leave the Dream to take a bath, and the TB's text conversations with him allow you to engage with his special interests such as his requests for problems to solve and debates to wage against you. He is canonically seen and respected as a brilliant individual, and not reduced to a joke or viewed as comic relief (e.g. Sampo, who almost exclusively is given negative dialogue options for the player to use when interacting with him and who almost every character in the story openly despises.)
Some of you are going to disagree with me in the comments (which is fine, it's my opinion), but for the few of you who read this all the way through, thank you. I hope that this helps you view Ratio and Autistic people overall in a new light, and I am excited to see where else we go from here with him and the rest of the cast!
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