#he even tells her that she changed him. this ep is SO mirroring ep 1 with the kitten

[denkies]

I know that thematically speaking, Miri is going to go back to Rei and Kazuki. The point of the entire show is found family. But episode 10 SHATTERED my heart into a million pieces and I started crying.

And this is more incentive for Rei to kill his dad. This man is the reason why Miri had to leave, he basically took their daughter from them. Neither Kazuki or Rei are going to just roll over and let that happen. Maybe Rei would have, before Miri, but she changed him. He's going to have the strength to stand up to his dad, because to be loved is to be changed.

[mllebabushkat]

☀️ Warrior Nun S2E4 🌙

stressing!!!!!!!!!!!1111

NO when I asked for more bea cam interaction it wasn’t like this TAT

oh ava dear 🥺

^recurring face cos my children are in danger

uhhhh taraskS 👀

angry woman yelling VINCENTTTTT counter: 2

spider bea 😂😂😂

DEUS EX MIGUEL

"i'm god's vengeance" FINE he might be growing on me

people who have offered vital "i can help you stop him" info to ava this season counter: 2

HOLY SHIT THQT FOG JUMPSCARE

also wait wait wait miguel THE OTHER SIDE??

ava: casual badass phasing

me: that's my girl <3

on today's episode of team super cam:

LeVANTAR

cam + spanish = heart eyes :D

car chase????? in MY warrior nun? more likely than you THINK

yasmine bbyyyyy ahahahaha she is adapting well bless her heart

“thank you god” BAM EROTIC PASTRIES VAN

quick detour-

raya's blood? WHO

lilith is such a bad liar imo surely she's hiding smth right,...

did i mention yasmine bby aww

MOTHER SUPERION NONCHALANTLY MUNCHING A DICK HAHAHAHAGAHAHGDHDJDALALDJF

she is the moment i love her so much

obligatory VINCENT EL BASTARDO

the whole time superion was taking him out back i was like pls pls pls kill him,, for shannon,, 😭 pls

kudos for the editing to make it seem like it was his last moments!

but,..,, I GUESS i understand it is not in her nature to do so :///

let it be known i'm not happy abt this decision he's just gonna come back to wreak more havoc

uh also "suzanne" omg???

(btw love the shot of the delicious red lighting from the van *kisses the crew*)

poor jilian her business bitchboy is a backstabbing bastard what a surprise

back to the main show :)

beatrice + spanish = heart eyes motherfucker

i love!!!!! the multilingual roots!! of this show! so much !!!

oh darling beatrice 🥺

hallucination!ava bellowing "i know what you are!" no 😭

her greatest fear being ava exposing her sexuality and hating/mocking her for it nooOOOO

also her fbc guard takedown?

that's gameplay straight out of a hitman level LMAO

OH NO DEMON BAPTISM

not to mention ava's finally met her match in punch-first-tell-my-friends-about-the-plan-later in miguel hahahah-

so uhhh he's already possessed by a blue demon? divinium demon? isn't that a tarask? confusion????

all i know is that was a full on angels vs demons lookin ass spectacle

TEAM FIGHT TEAM fIGHT TEAM FIGHT

YESSSSSSSSSASASSS THE HYPE

"you should look in the mirror mate" please he's so british 😂😂😂

hold on lemme pause right there-

CULT DRUMS (from the priest preaching scene) fade to end in time with the team ko body thud, beat of silence, HYPE SONG ([Shock Out] for reference) TO THE ONE AND ONLY BEA ENTERING

i'm such a slut for satisfying ost/sound design

ugh and 10/10 fight + camera choreo *even more kisses for the crew*

avatrice reunion!!!1 the way they lurched into that hug it looked like they were abt to kiss-

ahhhh their hands 😍 and bea's eye contact 😍

bea: "let go"

ava: "hang on"

(their synchronicity in battle, their willingness to embrace each other's values, all that mutual growth and understanding in so few words-)

hold on HOLD ON i need a moment please

anyway YES HALO POWERS GO GIRLIE

unfortunately necessary interlude:

what the hell is going on with lilith???

adriel gives a weakass "you’re my destiny" speech, fires off a cheapass parlour trick?

and that's enough??? to change her mind?????? tf-

ok back to our regularly scheduled avatrice

so now there's a tarask and it's fighting the demons? more confusion

AVA FLYING?????????

terrible news: ava paralysed without halo confirmed 😭😭😭

[Darkest Hour] ost slapsssssssssss

sandwiching the episode with this song? 2 steps forward 1 step back vibe loving it

ANYWAY

next ep let's gooooooo

[daggerlove]

S2 theory

The creators said that at the end of S1 Sylvie was basically where Loki was at the end of Thor 1, driven by anger, pain and grief which clouded her judgment. Loki, however, recognized that pain in her in those final moments because he went through the same thing. 

The cast and crew said that in terms of character development, Loki has already evolved further than Sylvie, he’s moved past his anger and pain, but unfortunately, Sylvie hadn’t made that journey yet at that time and it was the reason for their disagreement in episode 6.

So I think Sylvie's arc in S2 will mirror Loki's 2012,S1 one and it will be about healing, letting go of her anger and pain and finding new purpose in her life, along with allowing herself to trust and being vulnerable around others.

After the events of Thor 1, Loki's glorious purpose was seeking power and ruling. But like Tom said, Loki found out early on in the show that that glorious purpose was devoid of meaning and it did nothing but cause pain to him and those he cared about.

Sylvie never wanted power or to conquer anything. Her goal, her own glorious purpose in this case was putting an end to the TVA, the people behind it, destroying the organization and then walking away. Eventually, she did that.

However, it brought her no relief, no satisfaction, no catharsis. The pain she had before still lingered on. She killed HWR and then promptly collapsed to the ground, sobbing. She did what she intended to do for so long and it was meaningless because it didn't help her at all.

Loki, after realizing his glorious purpose was meaningless, that the people he cared about and hurt with his actions still loved him, going through all that epiphany and surrounding himself with new people he grew to care about and who cared about him in return, allowed himself to be vulnerable, changed his tune and found a new purpose in his life.

And I believe something similar is in store for Sylvie this season. But unlike Loki, who saw his family still loved him despite his mistakes, who went through that Mobius' therapy, who, yes, admittedly recruited him only because he needed him, but still showed that he had faith in him, Sylvie has no one. No one who cares about her or even knows her at this point. No one, except Loki. And I think this is where he steps in.

Because she knows she probably hurt him, just like Loki knew he hurt the people he loved and who loved him, which is what he even tells her in ep.5,  but just like Loki's family who still loved him despite his mistakes, Loki still loves her and wants her to be ok.

So maybe this Sylvie is our Sylvie and sometime after killing HWR, she travelled to the 70s to lead a normal lowkey life because she's lost her way and doesn't know what else to do, is not in the best state of mind because she did what she wanted to do but she still lost everything.

The pain remains, she has no goal. Maybe she's even quietly punishing herself with this and drowning in pain and misery.

And maybe that's why Loki keeps returning to her workplace. Because he knows she's not ok and they could use each other's help.

 And this way Loki could display two things. 

That by asking her to help him, he has faith in her that she can do great things and turn her life around, just like what happened with Loki in S1, that there's more to her than to just let her marinate in this misery.

And by showing her he still loves and cares about her, he's mirroring how his own family still loved him regardless of how much he hurt them.

Basically, I feel like Loki will force her to go through a therapy, an epiphany of her own, paralleling his own experience from previous season.

I could see her being dismissive at first, just like Loki was, refusing to cooperate, but Loki absolutely refuses to give up, hence why he keeps returning to McDonalds, and it kinda starts escalating because Loki doesn't leave her alone, he refuses to let her go and wallow in pain, so Loki keeps returning and keeps pushing her buttons so I expect them to have one fight, a blowout, before he finally breaks through to her and kicks her out of this downward spiral and she finally, finally opens up to him.

Basically, Loki acts like a therapist in some way to Sylvie and helps her realize that she shouldn't be alone. That stabbing HWR and then becoming a shell of herself is not her glorious purpose, that it's not right. And I think Sylvie will figure out that he's right.

 In S1, Mobius recruited Loki to help him with a specific task because he was the only one who could. It didn't start off smooth, Loki refused to cooperate at first as well. But he persisted and showed he had faith in him.

I think in S2 Loki will do the same to Sylvie. Ask her for help, because she's the only one who also knows what happened and simultaneously display he has faith in her.

And just like in S1 when Loki saw how his family still cared about him and loved him and it helped him heal, I think Sylvie will realize that she still has someone who cares and loves her as well.

I really believe Sylvie's S2 arc will mirror Loki's S1, and Loki will literally force her to go through a mini therapy to reach that same epiphany that he did in S1. To go through the same journey as he did in S1. Like how Loki went through a journey of self forgiveness and healing in season 1, Sylvie will go down the same path. And Loki plays a major role in that. Because of their relationship, their connection, he's the only one who can break through to her and steer her on the right path of healing.

Perhaps we might get a hint of what Sylvie's doing in episode 1. then we will see Sylvie at some point in episode 2 and then that episode and episode 3 will be about Loki trying to get through to Sylvie. And after he does that, I think we will move past the 70s time period

Because I really feel like they will,for the most part,stay in the 70s for the first 3 episodes until Loki finds and reaches Sylvie. After that, they're together, all on the same page, the band gets together, and they go on that multiversal adventure as a team.

[raayllum]

Hello! It's been a day since S4, how we feeling? Personally, I think it was a pretty good season, (a little fast-paced, but that's probably just me) except for maybe one thing; Rayla. I feel like Rayla was kinda weirdly written this season. Like seriously, for two episodes after she appeared, me and my sister were convinced that her behavior was "off" and really thought she was a fake until ep.4. Sure, I was glad it was the real Rayla, but it doesn't change the fact that I thought her behavior seemed unnatural. Maybe the whole Fake Rayla theory is what made me cautious about her behavior. Perhaps months of Rayllum angst accidentally set an expectation, or maybe I'm just missing something. EXTRA: This is kinda nitpicky, but given how Rayla lied to Callum about going to find Viren together in TTM, I feel that Callum should've helped Rayla chase Viren down at the end of the season, but that's my opinion.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Honestly Rayla’s mix of nerves, heartbreak, forced casualty and trying to cheer her way through it reminded me a lot of her arrival back at the Silvergrove + how she tried to cover things up in 2x09 when she was awkward and flustered ( “You’re even looking cheery!”  → “You look nice, Callum”)

Another thing that I think about sometimes but haven’t really meta’d about is that is that like the biggest instances where Rayla apologizes to Callum in show (1x02 when she thinks she has to kill him, and 2x03 in the aftermath of finding out about Harrow) particularly the former is that Rayla is worried and scared that Claudia and Soren will hurt him and Ezran. It’s not just a matter of their relationship being at stake (although that terrifies her too) but also that if it breaks, she will not be able to effectively protect him and Ezran. And I think that adds a layer to her desperation that we don’t talk about a lot, and I also think it’s interesting how much that similar desperation (chasing after him in ways she almost never does at any other point in the series, some expressions, etc) of those surrounding scenes mirrors her body language and behaviour in 4x03 despite not having the same amount of like, literal stakes

If you are interested in more thoughts on Rayla’s characterization in S4 I will direct to you this post! A Rayllum focused follow up to touch on things I didn’t get as much of a chance to (i.e. the “I know” 4x09 scene in particular) should be coming in the next few weeks (unless I am a mad man and commit to it this weekend or something)

But to write the short form, I think Callum didn’t go after her for a few complicated, interrelated emotional reasons

1) Callum realizing that he can’t change this part of Rayla, to a degree. This is something that will always be a part of her. I think that’s why his look here mirrors his sad gaze in 2x07 - and he’s undeniably sad in 4x09 - because whereas before he was sad that she had left, he’s sad now that she’s already gone. He tried in TTM and it didn’t work. 

2) Additional growth in some ways in Callum realizing if Rayla is taking on a dangerous and/or self destructive path, he doesn’t have to follow her down. (Or at least he can try not to, but more on that in the final point)

3) In TTM, Rayla wasn’t really trying to move on (and for her own understandable reasons) and that’s one of the big changes in S4 where she is trying to see if she can Let Go. The answer is no. Likewise, Callum is also attempting to see if he can let go, since again: she’s hurt him very deeply. And if he can watch her walk away now (the fact she tells and waits for him to respond first, too, I think means a lot) than he can close himself down in a way that she won’t be able to hurt him. A final test to see if he can do it

And he can’t, of course. So then he finally lets himself fully run after her / to her, the way he always has

[kazaa-chan]

Yorichii's World

Book 1 Ep.1 "Demon King "

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Age 13-18

WC: Somewhere between 900 and 25,000

Warnings: Blood, gore effects, violence, foul language.

Authors note: this is a perspective of what yorichii's Life was like before he meet Rouis and changed for good. Muzan named his son after yorichii ( sun god(ish) because he seemed to be powerful and his son was bound to be as powerful as him once he became a demon. ))

♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♤♡♤

It's been five years since mother has passed. I feel lonely ever since. It doesn't help that father was never around either. I only see him around when he's not onto something. She passed while she gave birth to my younger sisters not to mension that I failed to protect my eldest sister who died from a demon's blood art. But that's just history, nothing more.

I then rise myself up, as a I heard a knocking on my door. I gently open my bedroom's door, red flashy eyes show up. It was my father, Muzan Kibutsuji . He scoffs and settles down on my bed. He faces me with no emotional connection at all. "Have you heard the news my son?", he asks sincerely. "Right... I'm supposed to be a demon king?..You realise that I am human.?", I question him. "I'll give you a doze of my blood." , he then grabs you in a harden strong grip leaving you no time to react. He opened an old wound of his and yours and overdozed the blood. Your world went blurry and you blacked off. Yiu have awakened again, this time with struggle to move. You urged yourself to the bathroom's mirror. Imprinted in your fine eyes was the word Ma tei (demon king) in Japanese. Your hair was slicker like your father's hair but slightly more curly and you had his eyes as well. You soon grew large vampire-like teeth and your nails were long and sharp just like the blade of a hashira. You then try to cut yourself with a knife but you felt no pain and your wounds healed faster than any demon you've seen before. Your body seemed harder as if your bones were metal. All taught you dint want to be a demon , you dint have to go throw a painful transformation since you seemed to have passed out. You wonder if its even possible to turn back into a human without Muzan's aid. You suddently had an urge to move again and head to the downstairs kitchen. You younger sister greeted you. It only reminded you of Aswaga. "So, he already turned you into a demon ?", you were surprised by her question . "Yeah.", your responce was short like always. "Did Muzan leave already ?", you then asked. "Yup, hes busy as always.", she rolled her eyes serving me a few pancakes. It was a oreo-flavored pancake, its made from a famous American cake mix, precisaly an company named betty cooker. It was your favorite thing growing up , mother used to make it for you every monday and Friday. Right now it was summer break but university was gonna start in a few days. At This point you realise you cant survive in the sun as a demon, how are you gonna go??!

"Shit... Father fucked up this time.", you muttered with a sudden burst of anger. "Language, You do realise dad probably made you capable of surviving in the sun..", she barks back at you . "Perhaps your right., Sorry.", you apologized to her. "In that case, ill go test myself outside.", you arrongently walked to back door, only being blocked by your sister. "You cant walk outside like that! You need eye contacts to hide your eyes wich are written Ma tei in it. You push her aside, peeking your head out. "Oops.", you then head back in. "Im fine, it just feels warmer then usual. ", you smile and pat her head. She grunts and turns Her head away. "Testing yourself out Yorichii ?", your father chuckles. His kind eyes were almost hypnotizing. It seemed hard to tell that he was an awful male. " Your gonna have to hide your scent, your going in a school where humans go to. ", he passed you a small what seemed to be a fruit. "Eat it.", his eyes were demanding and rushed yourself. It tasted awful and you passed out again.

♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤♡

[myladyofmercy]

young royals rewatch

episode 6

i love this opening montage so much

right until the credits come up over wille screaming

wish we got that scream scene without the credits for edits tho

the little girl looks at simon as if she personally has seen the video

it must be so weird to see your face on a magazine cover. i wonder what the article says

he's wearing purple (in solidarity with simon)

you have nothing to apologize for wille baby

did simon go to the police tho?

love the little detail of clothes we seen on the show already laying folded up on the washing machine

is the floor of the library so clean that they can lie and sit on it? aren't there any chairs?

august just listening to the theories like the little bitch he is

I'm calling the cops if you don't leave

i love stellas clothing style so much

sara putting 1 and 2 together

rosh and ayub are back!!!

i have not seen kim ks sex tape and i don't intend to watch it

I really hope simon doesn't change schools in s2. I'm with rosh on that one

why is the sky so yellow? light pollution?

willes pajama pants from ep 2 are back

august you little shit stop spitting live lessons and spill the truth

fish scene flashback

the looney tunes shirt is back

first kiss fit

yellow tshirt, yellow shirt, yellow backpack. i know you're the center of willes universe but do you really have to look like the sun?

footsies

wille matches the blue background but simon sticks out like a sore thumb

this scene is so poweful even without a kiss

oh no i know what's coming

sara pls don't do this

she's wearing purple (in solidarity with simon)

wilhelm doesn't have everything he has nothing you piece of shit

and he will lose simon because of you too

oh doobidoo i wanna be like you u u

why does sara look kinda sad when august kisses her neck tho?

as someone who rarely sits at the dining table for dinner and watches tv during 99% of meals i relate to simon and his mom

how does felice dress fit sara so well tho?

simon you are not her father

linda you are her mother. pls act like that more often or i will have to rewoke your best mom card

the star behind simons head looks very pretty

simon saying annan and dum in this conversation makes me think of certain songs by a certain artist

sara and wilhelm both called simon fin

why do felice and maddie have their own bathroom and wille the crown prince has to share with the other guys on his floor?

the mirror shot of them on the floor

i don't think simon really believes wille will tell the truth

it's their last kiss and it breaks my heart

the sad scarf is back

why do the subtitles say how do you do??? simon says good day. that is way more formal than how do you do! simon isn't joey from friends

this car conversation is so frustratingly sad

love how many words i understand bc they sound so similar to the german word in this conversation

let wille and simon have sex in his royal bed in s2 petition

willes tie looks very yellow (simon anyone?)

why is rosh never included in eriksson family time?

poor simon

(love his sweater tho)

who put the name joakim for willes second bodyguard out there? is it canon?

i hate this scene so much

simon did the right thing even though it breaks his (and willes AND MY) heart

hemlighet

love how we see simon leaving blurry in the background

felice being the best detective

also she calls the guy she asks where willes room is edvin

why isn't there a bodyguard in front of willes room?

willes little flinch when he sees simon on the screen

yes the confrontation scene!!!

august is working out again. of course.

why didn't wille mention erik in this scene tho? something like erik told me i could trust you

edvins acting is so good in this scene. rising star award winner indeed.

this phone call hurts so much

love how him hanging up stops the background music and we are left with silence until the match strikes and the choir begins singing

wille and simon are wearing so much more hair product than they did during the whole rest of the season

god jul

the sad scarf is back again

is simon talking with sime choir kids?

falling

we are falling now

förlåt

jag älskar dig

hoppas du fan en fin jul

tack simon

running with a crown on your head

he wants to run bad so badly

city's on fire but it's beautiful

chills literal chills

i hope they continue with the 4th wall breaks in s2

i love this show

i hate this show

[marlborodean]

here’s my analysis of a 14-yr-old supernatural episode

so remember that episode where sam fucked a werewolf? because he related to her unwilling monstrosity? well that episode is actually just about dean starting to come to grips with his childhood and his sexuality.

if you ship w/ncest do not interact. this post is not anti-sam either btw. 

content warning: discussions of childhood trauma, internalized homophobia, guns, killing. 

does include some images with Image Descriptions following them.

[ID: An over-the-shoulder close-up shot from the episode, focused on Madison, the werewolf, as she cries. Dean is standing behind her. They are both looking at Sam, whose shoulder is on the edge of the frame. End ID.]

Brief episode recap just in case u don’t remember. This ep is 2x17 “Heart.” Sam and Dean are hunting a werewolf. They discover that the woman they interviewed, Madison, is a werewolf (not THEE werewolf, but one of them). Sam develops a lil crush on her <3 I wrote the majority of this after watching it for the first time in almost SIX years, so i was just vibing the whole time UNTIL the last shot changed it all for me. So let me explain!

Three important points that i will refer back to:

1. The episode begins with Dean being excited to hunt a werewolf because "what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids."

2. Then the episode centers on Sam and his relationship with the werewolf woman and his own monstrosity: "[Dean: Sam, she's a monster and you're feeling sorry for her?] Maybe I understand her."

3. BUT THEN the last shot of the episode is of Dean crying as music plays (see below for the specific lyrics) and then Dean jumps at the sound of the gunshot. That's it! That's the end of the episode!

[ID: For all three screencaps, Dean is looking torturously sad. Each one is zoomed a little bit closer to his face than the last. In the last image, Dean sheds a single man tear. The captioned lyrics for the first one say "Relax, child, you were there." The second says "but only didn't realize" and the third says "and you were scared." End ID]

Even though the story is supposed to be about Sam and his monstrosity, and partly about his relationship w/romance since this is the first person he’s slept with since Jess died (at least with what is shown on screen)...the Dean Sandwich tells us otherwise. We're supposed to be taking away something about DEAN here. Like, that's the whole purpose behind the last shot focusing solely on Dean instead of Sam who is AT THAT MOMENT, KILLING THE GIRL HE HAS FEELINGS FOR. It's literally a heartbreaking, devastating, super traumatic thing for Sam to be going through, but instead we're watching Dean as a single tear slides down his face lmao. It's because this episode is about DEAN, and furthering his story.

Let’s not queer this just yet. The death of the werewolf is about/representing his loss of innocence. It's a violent disconnect from his childhood. Point # 1 shows that he is fascinated by werewolves because since he was a kid he thought they were badass, not to mention all the werewolf films he references throughout. Then, through the music lyrics over that last scene, they mirror that theme of childhood. They’ve done this before, having the diegetic music directly reference what the characters are going through. No different here: Dean is the child they’re referring to.

I have to reiterate that that's the last thing we hear before the gunshot cuts the music short and then the cut to black. "You were scared" is the last thing we hear before the gunshot, as Dean cries. ALSO I have to reiterate that Dean was looking forward to killing a werewolf and shooting it himself. So it's super fascinating that, not only is Sam the one that kills the werewolf, WE DON’T EVEN SEE IT HAPPEN.

[ID: A medium-close shot of Dean as he looks at Sam, who takes up the right half of the frame. The caption says, “Sammy, I got this one. I’ll do it.” End ID.]

Am i gonna have to say this now? The werewolf is a metaphor, okay? It's a metaphor for his innocence, which is long-dead, forever doomed. I mean, a lot of kids love werewolves because they ARE badass! It's a classic monster that anyone could easily obsess over, and with Dean's childhood it must've seemed even cooler, knowing they're real and having the power to kill this "mythical" beast. So the way he's looking forward to killing one is the way a child imagines themselves as a hero.

But what happens instead is a tragic mercy killing. It's flipping his fantasy completely on its head, and it makes Dean realize that.....his fantasies are just fantasies. They aren't real, never would be. There's nothing heroic about killing this werewolf. It's tragic as hell. When he offers to kill her himself, it's just to relieve Sam's burden, but he's reluctant still. Because, as he keeps saying, he doesn't want to be a hunter! He doesn't want this life! He's tired of killing! And that's also what he's mourning as he cries and startles at the gunshot. His fantasies will never be real and his childhood could never have been normal and he never got a chance to be a kid because being a hunter was thrust on him at such a young age. And now it feels inescapable.

[ID: A gif of the slow zoom on Dean’s face as the single tears slips down his cheek. He jumps at the gunshot, then blinks and his lip wobbles. End ID.]

So now we can queer it :-) Of course all monster stories can be easily queered, but werewolves are popularly queered. The first example that comes to mind is An American Werewolf in London (1981) isn’t an overtly queer film (though it is Jewish!) but it’s definitely read that way by a lot of people!! Anyway the film was directed by John Landis which JUST SO HAPPENS to be the pseudonym Dean goes by in this episode. hmm. (Also, interestingly, the BTVS ep where the first gay character comes out references this film too)

[ID: Sam and Dean are standing close to each other. Sam is in the foreground, not in focus. Dean, behind him, says, “Landis. And Detective Dante.” End ID.]

There’s this essay about the queer werewolf that you can read here (and they also talk about fandom in it! very fascinating), where they say in the intro: “the werewolf seems an obvious choice as a queer monster with its identity-disrupting hybridity, as well as its atavistic, and, thus, disallowable sexuality.” A lot like Kristeva’s theory of the abject body! which is popular in queer theory. 

This episode is then queering Sam—his attraction to the werewolf makes him abject—but it also queers Dean thru the way his attitude towards the werewolf transforms (get it?) throughout the ep. His desire and eagerness to kill the werewolves is obviously ingrained in him from John’s parenting. Consider what he said in 2x03 “Bloodlust”: “And the way he raised us, to hate those things—and man, I hate them, I do.” In conjunction with the monsters in the show being seen as queer allegories (the gorgon, as an example of an explicit comparison), Dean’s excitement to kill the werewolf can be read as internalized homophobia and repressing any of his own feelings. 

Remember, though, right before that line in “Bloodlust,” he also said, “What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing?” He’s really beginning to question whether all monsters are bad, and what it means to kill them. Is he also questioning what he believes of queer people? What John believed of queer people? The loss of innocence and queering both slot together through that final shot, imo: he’s crying because he realizes his fantasies aren’t real, but he’s also mourning the fact that he never could have had the chance to grow up without John’s control, and now it’s forever tainted his worldview. What else could he have been without that? (The answer is evident in 4x17 “It’s a Terrible Life.”)

Dean was taught to hate queer people but he doesn't want to. He wants to get out of the life but it feels inescapable. He wants to kill a werewolf and then when he has the chance, he doesn't want to. He actually cries as it's killed. It scares him, having to confront that what he thought he knew was wrong, but he knows all the same that he’ll never have the chance to have grown up without that. 

[dangermousie]

Look at those arms! MMMMM!

You know, I really like Gilina. Or, more correctly, I really like what Gilina represents, both in terms of Crichton’s development and in his feelings for Aeryn. Gilina is Earth Crichton’s dream girl: she is blonde, pretty, sweet, and plucky (she is no push-over). She is also a girl geek, and a techie and for our scientist, that’s quite irresistibly appealing. (Btw, let me take a moment to note how much I like that the show showed us that Crichton had a type in women, B.A. (before Aeryn): they were blonde and sweet and had a certain safe niceness to them. Aeryn is not blonde, not sweet, and not safe at all. And neither is his feeling for her). If Gilina was a girl working for a research institute on Earth and she and John met at some party, I can easily see them talking, dating, falling in love and getting married. And having a happy married life. And the John of ‘PK Tech Girl,’ despite some unpleasant encounters in the Uncharted Territories is still enough of the Earth John to be attracted to Gilina, to be at the very beginning of developing something for her. He is still enough of an innocent, with enough uncomplicated and sweet left in him, for Gilina to be his type. But of course, that is not the case any more when they meet again in ‘Nerve.’ When they meet again, Gilina has had a fairly uneventful PK tech existence. She hasn’t changed much. But she is not Crichton’s type any more. Not after Maldis and finding out firsthand that there are psychopaths that will just enjoy watching you die for the fun of it, not after Crais and finding out that no, if you only explain the truth, it won’t make it better. The person will still want to kill you even if they believe you, even if it’s wrong and irrational, and there is nothing you can do. Not after ‘Jeremiah Crichton’ (my least fave ep of the whole show, but whose theme of Crichton’s long isolation is well taken). Not after finding out the truth about Zhaan, or almost dying out there in space with Aeryn. Not after the mind and soul fuck of ‘A Human Reaction.’   Gilina is not for this John. Not any more. And it’s not just that in the meanwhile he’s ceased to see anyone but Aeryn. It is also that his character has changed. And that is only the beginning. When he meets her in ‘Nerve’ it is pre-Scorpius, pre-Aurora Chair, pre-everything in S2, 3 and 4 (I’d do a list but it would take too long to type). If Gilina met S4 Crichton, she’d freak and run away and rightly so. A digression, but I find it fascinating how John's non-Aeryn women reflect his change. We have his ex-gf on Earth who he was serious enough to apparently want to propose to, before they went their separate career way. She is sort of like Gilina only blander, less engaging (Earth Crichton strikes me as someone who's had things come to him too easily because of his intelligence or what not. His passion (for whatever) was never truly engaged to the full, and the gf reflects that.) There is also Caroline (who we meet in Terra Firma) with whom he had something or other, but she is rather like his Earth-ex and it's clear the Crichton of TF doesn't even have anything to say to her any more. From them, we progress to Gilina (about whom see above). In first half of S2, there is the PK Disruptor. Now, she is a lot more edges, more hardness. If she is like anyone, it's a female version of Bond. And Crichton sleeps with her, because hey, he's tried everything to get Aeryn to admit any interest, he's beaten his head against the rock and he's beaten it and beaten it. But she refused and she's conclusively walked out of his life for good (not even came to see him for the very last time, when he needed her most). And also, girl can kill him, good to stay on her good side. There is no Gilina sweetness in her, at all. PK Tech Girl Crichton would annoy her and be intimidated to be with her, not so much Crichton of that s2 ep arc. But interestingly, that is the last time he even looks at another woman, no matter the circumstances. Once Aeryn and he admit their love to each other at the end of S2/beginning of S3, that is it. Even at the second part of S3, when Aeryn is off with Talyn-Crichton, Moya-Crichton goes deep into his obsession with wormholes, not any girls at all, and he is just as obsessed with Aeryn as ever. Even after the end of S3, the beginning of S4, even after he tells Aeryn "I can trust you with my life. But not my heart" and he locks himself away, he still does not look at anyone else. He cannot. And even the drugs cannot knock her out from his mind. Which is why his last non-Aeryn woman is Grayza, who rapes him while at the same time telling him if he gives her the wormhole stuff she will help him find Aeryn (OMG, that bit is seriously the worst in the whole scene). I think the darker progression of these women-others mirrors the darker and darker universe. OK, digression over.   I find it interesting that in S1 we have a number of people (beings, whatever) whose life is affected, changed by Crichton and who are grateful for that and thank him for changing/opening/saving either explicitly, or it’s implied. But after S1 this slows to a trickle pretty fast and then stops almost entirely. Crichton is such an innately kind person, and one of the saddest things in the show is seeing this kindness leach away under the tortures (literal and figurative) he is subjected to. I find it so sad and so significant that in the S3 finale it’s Aeryn who brings up the fact that the command carrier has a lot of lives which John’s plan might end. Aeryn. Not John. She’s become more compassionate (she, who started out saying ‘I hate that word’) and he’s become much less. These are both reactions to their environment, to events they are in (When they initially meet, she is a product of an individuality-less, soulless scenario. Even if he is wrong in reading her at the very very first in Premiere during intros, he is not wrong in reading her potential, in recognizing she is a person, and even as early as Premiere she proves him right. I also love that for Crichton, she is always her own person, not a preconceived notion of what she should be. He loves her for being Aeryn, not for some idealized being in his head). And yet it is never completely suppressed, it is always there, however muted and downtrodden, however circumscribed. He had to jettison most of it in order to stay sane and to survive, but somewhere deep inside he is still the guy who, in a completely strange world, took the time to fix the eye-stalk of a mechanical critter thingy he didn’t know at all.   And of course, part of the reason he jettisons it is also because whenever he tries to save someone or make it better, it often ends up making the situation worse. I am thinking for example of S3’s lovely ‘Different Destinations’ which turns a beloved sci-fi trope on its head and he has to live with it and he can barely bear it.   And I love how the show never lets us forget the cost this takes on him, that he is not a power-hungry psychopath, a cavalier callous being only caring about his small group of friends. That coda to S4’s ‘We Are So Screwed’ where he is with Aeryn, and he breaks down, and he can’t help it, and he weeps for what he’d done, for what he almost did (and it’s going to be small fry in comparison with PKW) is just brilliant and heartbreaking and one of my favorite bits (and I love that she is there, and she silently comforts him, and he clutches her arm as a lifeline). And that is why I actually liked the drug storyline in S4. After all the stuff that Crichton been through, I am surprised he didn’t end up going on something earlier, just to deal with it all somehow (I love that the show brought up earlier that he has nightmares, feels tremendous guilt, and that was mid S2, I am sure they are much worse now). And it also made sense that when his number 1 obsession, Aeryn, told him to give it up, he did, as he’d pick her over anything. She’s his number 1 drug. Basically, he needs Aeryn desperately. She is what allows him to function, allows him to stay (relatively) sane, what holds him together. When he can’t have her, or doesn’t have her, he falls apart and needs something else to get through the days (wormholes in S3, lakka in S4). I do find it interesting that Crichton keeps his compassion, however tattered, but he develops absolute priorities, as a result of choices he shouldn’t have had to make. Most people don’t really analyze whether they will pick the woman they love or selling one’s soul and giving up something which earlier, to protect, you didn’t give up even when tortured or hunted or broken. They don’t have to. Crichton’s developed rigid priorities are a result of the environment where he had to confront those hierarchies in himself. Crichton’s earlier ‘purity’ and goodness and optimism exist in part because he is a product of a relatively sheltered life (compared to Uncharted Territories). But that early cleanness allows others to see a better or at least a different path for themselves and so they repay the favor later by pulling him out when he is on the brink of succumbing to all these horrors (which really do seem to be scarily disproportionately triggered at him). One of the things I love about Crichton is that even after he’s seen and dealt horrors, he has a certain moral absolutism to him (however broken it gets at times) and a pure refusal to give up, and strength even if only to make the least worst of two bad choices presented to him. Something untainted is always there, maybe a legacy of his initial idealism, and so he never breaks, not permanently, not irreparably, though he comes very very close. Throughout the show, even as that world bends and molds and twists him to its own parameters, he manages to make the world somewhat bend and mold and twist to himself.   Do you know what I really really wish for John and Aeryn and the kid after the end of PKW? A few years of total peace, where they can just travel the space in Moya, and John can do his research, and be with Aeryn and watch their child grow, without having to worry about saving his and their lives every other day.

OK, these are getting epically long omg.

[chalkrevelations]

SO. Word of Honor, Episode 10, and everyone is deep in their feelings … well, their feeling, which is misery.

First, due diligence, and I really mean it on this one: SPOILERS not just for this ep but for the entire show. Out of the car, for now, and come back later, if you want to watch the whole thing unspoiled.­­

Well, it’s the breakup episode, y’all. Everyone is wallowing in misery, and Our Couple is taking that out on themselves and in some cases (:cough:WKX:cough) ­on everybody around them. We open on sad-sack Wen Kexing digging sadly in the dirt with a sword, the bodies of the Four Sages of Anji laid out beside him as he gives a RIP speech about how you have to be careful when making friends, because they’ll turn out to be bad news, which is clearly yet another warning about himself, because I don’t think anyone in the mob who killed these aging hippies in the last ep was a friend (although I suppose it could be argued that WKX is talking about their friendship with Gao Chong getting them killed) and anyway, you have to understand that WKX is a demon under the skin, not even really human, you guys, and he’s only ever going to disappoint everyone. Has he not made this clear by now? His sword breaks at this point, which probably ought to tell him he’s not going to be able to bury any of this mess. Then Zhou Zishu shows up and is understandably unhappy at the way his decision last ep to walk out on faith for this guy has gone completely pear-shaped, and he asks some rather pointed questions about whether four dead Sages of Anji is what WKX wanted and if he’s happy now – questions that sound, my dude, a little confrontational. I mean, I think you’re entitled, given the situation, but I’m just sayin’. WKX flings off ZZS’s hand and wants to know if “Leader Zhou” has only ever killed bad people, which is a hit that lands, and it hurts, just like it was supposed to, and this is definitely one of those nightmare scenarios where everyone just keeps digging themselves deeper. ZZS is all, FINE THEN, and leaves. Again. Because WKX is apparently a demon in human form who’s only ever going to disappoint everyone. Including his zhiji. I love you with all of my heart, ZZS, but a little bit, you come off like you only showed up to twist the knife, my man. Anyway, ZZS stomps off to go mope at Yuefan Tower, the scene of his bad decision to trust this guy BEFORE finding out he sets up revenge murders for fun. We’re treated to a flashback sequence of some of ZZS’s Tian Chuang state-sanctioned violence, including a pile of bodies in a burned-out house with a little girl who reaches out to him and calls him “shushu” (which I think is a reference to something that actually happens in Qi Ye); killing that official dude and making Jing’an drink poison, from Ep 1; inserting the Seven Nails into Bi Changfeng - a whole bunch of bad shit that WKX has dug back up way more successfully with a few words than that grave he was trying to dig with his broken sword. ZZS sighs mournfully and unfairly beautifully (your FACE, my dude) over the fact that he thought he found his soulmate, but he was apparently WRONG, and meanwhile, we see Han Ying lurking worriedly and devotedly in the background.

Then, both of these morose motherfuckers proceed to drink themselves (even more) stupid over each other, WKX in a brothel and ZZS moping by himself downstairs at the (No Longer) Getting Lucky Inn, leaving poor Han Ying and A-Xiang to eventually deal with them. ZZS is literally falling over as he calls for more wine – you are a sloppy drunk, laopo, although I have to admit, you’ve worked your way through a lot of bottles, so I suppose it’s understandable – and WKX proceeds to drink his four ... five? ... four, I think, girls under the table and clearly has no intention of sleeping with them, because it might interfere with his waxing drunkenly and mournfully about finding a thing you thought you’d lost forever but not being able to keep it at the price of giving up your big revenge murder plan you’ve been working out since you were 8 years old. (Also because he’s gay af. I’m just sayin’.)

So, yeah, Han Ying and A-Xiang eventually have to deal with these two, and for my money, the single most important scene of the ep - thematically, at least - is the one we get between A-Xiang and WKX, where a couple of big things are going on. One of the themes I see again, running through this ep, is the separation between the human world and the world of “ghosts,” and how that line is policed, and how Wen Kexing tries to maintain it as a bright line, in order to maintain his own distance from Zhou Zishu and the world. Now that things have gone so spectacularly wrong with ZZS, he’s going to dig in on the “ghost” side of that line for all he’s worth – much harder than he was digging that grave for the Four Sages of Anji, given he breaks the sword and gives up halfway through on that one, but this one he’s determined to get all the way to the bedrock on. So yes, in this scene we get the theme made explicit again, of human-ghost separation - which will echo and rebound throughout the rest of the show, until we see its awful, gory truth made manifest when it turns out WKX is horrifically correct and A-Xiang is NOT, in fact, going to be allowed by “humankind” to leave Ghost Valley and walk up to the human world with her lover, while meanwhile, if WKX is going to get out of the valley, he’s not staying in the mortal world but is going to end up on the icy remote mountaintop. BUT ALSO, this may be the first time we really see the show put A-Xiang forward as a proxy for Wen Kexing. This is going to be an increasingly weighted Thing as we go on, of course, but what I didn’t remember on my first watch-through - even after I realized what they were doing with the A-Xiang/Cao Weining and Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu parallels further down the road – is that, in this first time we really see it, it’s not even about their respective love interests, it’s about their respective relationships with Chengling. I mean, clearly, clearly, when WKX is being a drunk asshole to A-Xiang about how she’s been too long in her human skin (and huh, interesting that, when we also have instances where fake skin disguises are literal), and DON’T EVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE, HEARTLESS AMETHYST FIEND GHOST VALLEY MASTER HEARTLESS AMETHYST FIEND, and who among them would ever pity you me you, he’s really talking about his recent breakup with ZZS, in which he got called a crazed psychopath just for setting up a few amusing revenge murders. But here’s the thing – what triggers the diatribe is A-Xiang saying she feels sorry for Chengling trapped in Yueyang Sect, in the course of nattering on about what’s up with Chengling, and what she and Chengling have been doing together, and how much Chengling misses WKX. Which is, A-Xiang tells WKX, a lot. After which WKX puffs himself up and proceeds to be a drunk asshole to her, because of course, he’s not worthy of having anyone care about him, they might think he’s human, or something, and then he’s only going to get hurt again when they find out he’s NOT. So, all that happens. We also find out in this conversation that Changing Ghost was responsible for the pile of heads; that A-Xiang was at the Funeral/Wedding Game and saw Deng Kuan become the last survivor and get set free in much better condition than he later showed up at Yueyang Sect, so what the hell’s happened to him in between; and that A-Xiang definitely thinks her Murder Dad master is crazy but isn’t afraid that he’ll end up killing her someday. I mean, let’s be clear, I don’t think she’s absolutely positive that he won’t go crazy and kill her – she’s just not afraid of it. Zhou Ye is fantastic here, because she has A-Xiang give WKX this gorgeous little smile that’s so simple yet just so filled with love and trust and faith and everything that must have kept his heart alive all those years, the one that she probably gave him even after he burned her mouth on congee that was too hot, and I end up clutching my chest because I think she’s killed me. And then in a horrible twist on what’s eventually coming down the pike, she tells him that she’d follow him even if he’s crazy, and that if he killed her, she’d even follow him in death, and GOD. MY HEART. Because we’re going to see that in fact, he’s going to almost follow her into death, and then he’s going to dream of her leaving him instead of actually staying with him after death, and the only thing keeping me together at this point is the idea that Nian’xiang will actually be A-Xiang reincarnated so that she can be with WKX and the rest of her family again.

Anyway, all of this is apparently a dress rehearsal for WKX, because he then gets himself dolled up in some luscious green robes and proceeds to go to Tragicomic Ghost’s mansion in order to terrorize the troops and spread the misery. He requests a report from all of his top ten nine eight devils; credits them with three Funeral Games (I guess we don’t get to see the other two), annihilating Danyang Sect, destroying Mirror Lake Sect, killing Mount Tai Sect’s leader (Ao Laizi), and leaving a pile of heads for Yueyang Sect to find. He’s doing his best Lunatic Wen bit, but come on, my friend, do they really deserve credit for ALL of that? Do they really? It sounds like you have your suspicions, as well, because you want to know who was responsible for the Mirror Lake massacre. Everyone looks around, pointedly not meeting his eyes, so, hmm, it must have been Long-Tongued Ghost, right? Right? (Who we last saw getting killed and getting his (Danyang) Glazed Armor took by Wen Kexing while pretending to be Hanged Ghost.) Changing Ghost, who’s supposedly Long-Tongued Ghost’s superior and who’s smart enough to sense the wind shifting, even if he’s not sure in which direction, hastily says that LTGhost doesn’t listen to him anymore. (Yeah, because he’s dead.) At this point, White Grim Reaper is dumb enough to draw attention to himself, and WKX chokes him out just ‘cause. ‘Cause he’s Lunatic Wen, and fuck you, that’s why. Both Tragicomic Ghost and Beauty Ghost look more Completely Done With This Bullshit than scared – in contrast to the men, who are shitting their pants - which is an early indication that their relationships with WKX are different than his relationships with the male Devils. WKX also makes some pointed comment about how oh dear, he’s killed someone, and they were already low on manpower, but as a chief of GHOSTS, that’s all he has to work with, isn’t that RIGHT, Changing Ghost – which sounds on the surface kind of like policing that line between ghosts and humans, but really seems more like he has his suspicions about exactly who Changing Ghost is actually working with, because while he may not be as smart as A-Xu, he’s not DUMB. Now, let’s all come up with a plan to fuck over the Five Lakes Alliance during the Hero’s Conference. Aaaaand … end scene (and ep).

Meanwhile, Han Ying is dealing with his poor, drunk dumbass charge, and we see ZZS wake up in some richly appointed rooms, in some strange bed, and he’s clearly thinking “Oh snap. What I do last night?” Also, feeling the hangover. Once he manages to get his boots on, he notices a shrine, complete with candles, and just about this point, Han Ying busts in like he’s WKX or something (although to be fair, it is his bedroom), and wants to know exactly wtf is wrong with ZZS, getting blackout drunk with his actual face hanging out like he doesn’t care who recognizes him? (I just have to take a moment here, and point out that ZZS, who went all in, in the last ep, and who will continue to be the more open one as this relationship goes on, is being berated here for not wearing a mask, for showing his real self, while the issue for both A-Xiang and WKX is going to continue to be keeping on a protective mask/skin, even though WKX accuses A-Xiang himself in this very ep of thinking the mask is real and not just a cover for her true face. Anyway.) Oh, and also, My Lord, how is your injury? DO YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TENDERLY CARE FOR YOU? I like this scene, because Han Ying’s actually kind of angry at ZZS, and a little bit, he shows it, and we get to see that he’s not spineless, even in the (blindingly beautiful) face of ZZS, he’s just devoted. And if that means keeping this dumbass safe from himself, well, Han Ying will try to do that, too, even if it’s enough to drive him to find religion, as we also find out in this scene, explaining the shrine. I suppose he needs all the help he can get. Anyway, ZZS tells him that he’s too mean to die just yet, although he doesn’t expect any blessings on his path, and Han Ying responds – and I think this is important, given ZZS’s decision last ep to spend the rest of his life living instead of dying – that “any day we live is a day gained.” (HAN YING. MY BELOVED.) ZZS pulls some Glazed Armor out of his robes to give to Han Ying, and they both realize that it looks exactly like two pieces Han Ying already has his hands on, gdi WKX. At this point, ZZS reiterates that he just wants Han Ying to lay low and stay safe, Han Ying reiterates his undying devotion, and ZZS has clearly had it with these kids and their starry-eyed devotion. He tries telling Han Yng again to just live a good life - as if Han Ying is at all wired that way – before making some dramatic pronouncement about expecting to have to deal with what’s coming to him in hell and sweeping out the door in the last we see of him this ep.

Let’s see, other things that happened:

Gao Chong, Zhao Jing and Shen Shen confer over their complete loss of face in the run-up to the Hero’s Conference; Shen Shen gets very offended and denies killing Ao Laizi, which is the rumor going around town; Gao Chong says the Ghost Valley isn’t responsible for Ao Laizi’s death (which they are) or for spreading the rhyme about the Glazed Armor (which they are); Zhao Jing says Five Lakes Alliance can’t get a reputation for forcing other sects to do things (when he can manipulate them into doing what he wants), and Shen Shen wants to know WHY THE HELL NOT (oh, Shen Shen) when the jianghu has always been, and I QUOTE, “a place where the strong pery on the weak,” so again, I have to kind of side with WKX on this one about the hive of scum and villainy. Or I would if you guys seemed capable of actually accomplishing anything.

Elsewhere in Yueyang Sect, it’s been Bullying Hour again for Chengling, and A-Xiang is furious when she finds out, threatening to break the legs of whoever’s responsible for smacking him around (she really is like the most delightful Chengxian love-child, I have to say). She also has some Wolong Nuts – crispy and delicious! – for him. Gao Xiaolian shows up with some treats, but Chengling doesn’t want her food, and also he doesn’t want to marry her, because he doesn’t want to be Gao Chong’s puppet, which is kind of new, because he said a couple of eps ago at the Five Lakes monument that he would abide by Gao Chong’s decisions. I guess now that he’s found out from A-Xiang that their Murder Dads are still around, he thinks there’s still a chance to run away with them. Gao Xiolian runs away, crying. Harsh, Chengling, but it does give him the chance to complain to A-Xiang that he’s effectively under house arrest, WHERE ARE OUR MURDER DADS TO SAVE ME?

Last but not least, there’s this incredible scene with Yu Loser Qiufeng, leader of Mount Hua Sect, in which one of the Mount Hua Virgins (tm WKX) comes complaining that everyone is looking down on them. Yu Qiufeng tells him that the entire jianghu is falling apart and to suck it up, and then another Virgin (tm WKX) shows up to say that some people from Mount Tai Sect are here to talk about Dead Ao Laizi, because the Five Lakes Alliance killed him omg. Yu Quifeng’s response is literally “Tell them I’m not here,” and when the disciple wants to know how he can possibly say that, Qiufeng’s response is literally “Say I went out. Say I’m sick. Say I’m dead.” (OMG, Zongzhu can’t see you right now, he’s dead!)

[daggerlove]

I saw your post on twitter about Tom's IMDb episodic listing, went to check it myself and sure enough it's real. Idk how to feel about this. What is your opinion? Do you lean towards it being real or not?

Under read more because I tend to ramble a lot apparently haha

I think it's way too early to tell tbh.

Imdb is sometimes a great source of info and had during the filming of season 1 provided us with many clues or straight up leaks.

However, I haven't seen anything like this during season 1 (and I kept my eyes glued to that page). Sometimes, when actors or even agents add their client's credits they incorrectly list them for all 6 episodes (as it happened with REG and Erika Coleman for example) or just one (for example, Evan Peters' listing on Imdb for Wandavision) and their credits get updated as the show progresses.

When they announce a new season it's pretty common for the cast & crew to be majorly listed for only the first episode at first. It's what's happening with Season 2 of Loki right now. But as the preproduction and production progresses they kind of update their listing of the cast & crew and up their involvement with the show.

That's what happened with Tom for season 2. A few days ago he had still been listed to appear only in pilot episode of the second season. But that's changed now and his credits had been updated. But the funny thing is, that whoever edited his acting credits for season 2, didn't list him for the entire season. They listed him for ep.1, 3, 5, and of course, the finale.

And like...that's the oddest thing I've seen on Imdb in a while because one would assume someone would just list him for every episode since he's playing the titular character, right? But they kinda 'forgot' to list him for two episodes lol.

And the funny thing is, it kinda follows that 'skippy' pattern. Obviously he's in the pilot of S2, that's a given. But then he's not listed for episode 2. Suddenly he's listed for episode 3. And then he's being skipped again. And then of course he's listed to appear in episode 5 and the finale, because there's no way the titular character wouldn't appear in the finale.

So what I'm saying is, there's a pattern.

1. appears 2. doesn't appear 3. appears 4. doesn't appear 5. appears 6. appears

and it's the weirdest, oddest, but funniest thing. Because whoever listed him, intentionally didn't list him for two episodes. And quite smartly too since IF Tom, hypothetically, didn't appear in any of the episodes of the season, I'd say episode 2,3 and 4 would be the only and most likely candidates. Because as a lead, he's pretty much guaranteed to appear in the pilot, penultimate (this one perhaps not as necessarily but still more likely than 2-4) and final episodes of the show/season.

They recently did something very similar with Boba Fett.

So I was thinking. IF there's any truth to this, perhaps this means we will see two different stories and povs at first; maybe the season starts with the episode that focuses on Loki (mirroring S1) and how he deals with the aftermath of the finale, if he escapes the TVA, and sets off to find Sylvie. Then maybe episode 2 is happening at the same time as episode 1 and we see Sylvie's side of the story, how she deals with the aftermath of season 1's finale, and if she also sets off to find Loki, fix the multiverse. And then we return to an episode focused on Loki again, and then we're back to Sylvie.

Basically the first four episodes are spent alternating between two different stories. Loki and Sylvie's and their separate journey to find each other again. Because Tom even teased Loki won't stop searching for Sylvie. And maybe that way we get to see even more of Sylvie's backstory that the creators teased Elissa had written for her. It'd be fun!

And then perhaps they reunite at the end of episode 4, beginning of 5 when things start really heating up again, and while I love the idea of them reuniting very soon, in episode 2 for example, I think this episodes-long pining, their separate travels to find each other again would only make their reunion that more satisfying and amazing.

And I obviously love Tom and Loki and I can never get enough of him, but maybe if he steps back in a few episodes, that gives other less fleshed out characters the chance to get their fair share of screentime to be explored more. We have Ravonna who needs to be fleshed out more. We have Sylvie. We have He Who Remains, B-15, hell, even Mobius.

I don't know if this is real. Chances are, it's not, but if it is, I honestly wouldn't mind it.

That being said, on the off chance that this is actually real I'm just going to stock up on popcorn bc, oh boy will this cause a meltdown.

[starryseung]

lee felix + smut

☾

word count; 1.6k words

warnings; stimulation using a knife, fingering, royalty! au

prince! felix bites back a smile as he walks up the stairs. he looks up at you, only to see your mother, the queen, staring down at him with a graceful, elegant smile, welcoming the king and queen of their neighbouring kingdom who had arrived at their palace for her daughter’s hand in marriage.

celebrations, festivities were organized all around the kingdom, as the news of the princess getting married wasn’t to be taken lightly; especially if the royal lee family’s son was the one she was going to be married to. women and girls of all ages were dying to see a glimpse of the charming prince’s smile, his sweet gaze overturning their hearts. but you, you were the lucky one who was going to have him to yourself the rest of your lives.

“psst,” felix whispers, grabbing your attention. the servant standing between you smiles, and you simply wave her off. “hey,” you smile back, fingers messing with your gown as you look back down to avoid the attention of anyone else.

felix feels like he’s about to burst into tears, the fact that he was going to marry the love of his life constantly bugging him, making his heart bloom. you two had met each other in the woods towards the outskirts of your town, when you were practicing horse riding, and he was out hunting. since then, it’s been a frequent meet, and felix couldn’t express in words how much he was head over heels for you.

“you look beautiful today,” the prince flaunts, still keeping his voice low. you’re a blushing mess by now, it was obvious. you couldn’t control your feelings in front of the man, and it had been so long since you’d met him. “thanks, you too.”

“a—are you calling me beautiful?” felix grins, and you giggle softly, covering your mouth as you shake your head. “no no, i meant—”

“now that we have agreed with the wedding,” felix’s father’s voice echoes throughout the marble and concrete castle; “it’s time that the prince and with your permission, your highness, the princess, shall spend some time alone.”

your mother nods in understanding, smiling at the two of you as she gestures you and felix to head upstairs. you send felix a look, standing up to leave before bowing to the others. he follows your actions, smiling sheepishly as he trails behind you.

you open the door to your room, standing aside so felix could walk in through the door into the room he had sneaked into multiple times through the window in the past.

“ah, after you, princess,” felix bows, feigning respect while you giggle at his antics, rolling your eyes before walking and pulling him inside. you hum before plopping yourself onto your bed in the far centre of the room, draped with a white and pale blue canopy. felix laughs before walking in further, sitting himself down onto the mattress as he eyes your room, smiling at the small drawings you had made on the walls as a child.

you sit back up, nudging closer to him and resting your head on his shoulders.

“it’s finally happening,” you smile, thinking about how you were finally going to marry the love of your life about whom, surprisingly, your parents did not know about.

“yeah, it’s gonna be weird walking into your room from that door instead of jumping in from the window,” felix laughs and you chuckle beside him, holding his arm as you play with his fingers. he tangles his fingers with yours, smiling softly at the soft feeling of your hands against his calloused ones.

“felix?”

“hmm?”

“i love you,”

the prince sighs, smiling so hard his jaw hurts. he turns around to face you, pecking your lips as if replying to your sudden confession— the one out of thousand times you’d already exclaimed your love for him.

“you do?” he asks, smiling before kissing you once again, this time deeper, biting your bottom lips ever so lightly.

“yeah, a lot,” you breathe out, focused on the intoxicating feeling of his lips on yours. he pulls open a knot on the back of your dress, letting the corset untie itself as it falls loose. felix pushes you slightly backwards, so you’re back to lying on the bed. easily swinging a leg over you, he rests a hand beside your head so he’s upright, pushing his tongue in you when you gasp at his quick actions. he fishes out something from his pocket, something you can’t recognize, but it comes in your view when he moves lower to your jaw, nipping at the skin. for some reason, he had his pocket knife out in his hand, and for some reason, even after spending so much time with him, you hadn’t ever seen it. 

he moves lower, pulling your gown off of you in nearly two swift attempts, the lack of the heavy garment on you making your skin feel relieved, the warm air of the room engulfing you. he snaps open the knife and you can only see a glint of the small letter engraved on it, y/n, and when he subconsciously flips it, you see his name, felix. he kisses lower and lower against your skin, stopping when he reaches your bra.

“is it pretty?” 

you bite your lip to hold back a smile, realizing he had created the blade, just for you.

“yeah, it is,” and it’s only a split second since the words have left your mouth, before the tip of the knife gently comes in contact with your temples, the cold tip grazing against your warm skin as he brought it lower, eyes glinting in fascination as you whine at the cold feeling, a wave of sensitivity taking over you.

“you like that, princess?”

you nod, biting your lips to hold back any more noises to create suspicion outside your room. felix smirks, gliding the metal down to your bra, unbuckling and tossing the clothing away before bringing the tip back to your exposed breast, placing the cold surface flat against your perked nipples. you whimper softly, mouth hanging open at the sensation against your buds, your panties uncomfortably sticking to yourself.

“tell me if it feels bad,”

you nod again, too focused on the blissful feeling as he moves lower, dragging the knife carefully along with him. he reaches your white underwear, smirking as he cuts the fabric in a second before pulling it away from you, chuckling at the wetness slowly dripping out of you due to his previous teasing.

“is this because of me, princess? i did this?”

“y—yeah, felix, you did,”

he smiles, bringing the wide part of the knife carefully against your heat, and you bring your hand up to your mouth, shielding back the loud moan. it felt heavenly, the cold metal pressed against where you needed it the most, the mere sensation sending your brain in a frenzy.

felix knows the effect it has on you, bringing the knife away before cleaning it against the sheets; bringing it back to your cunt. this time, knowing how you feel about it, he presses it straight against your clit, and the effect it has on you has him grinning from ear to ear. your back arches away from the bed, thighs trembling as he rubs the metal against your folds, mindful of the sharp edge. your small whimper and moans make him fall further into the want of making you feel pleasure, and he pulls away the wide knife before bringing it back onto your clit, rubbing it in circles. 

“mmh felix, please,” you groan softly, clawing at your sheets, half sorry for the maid who will have to come and clean up your room. but that thought stays just for a mere second, felix’s fingers replacing the knife as he pushes it back into the pocket, tossing it on the bed. he rubs two fingers against your hole, spreading open your folds as he prods his digits.

he’s pushing them in ever so slightly and you clench around him at the foreign feeling, toes curling in pleasure when he pushes them deeper. he groans at the tight feeling you provide around his digits, breathing erratic from the way his fingers curl in you, scissoring you as you feel your high closer, like a thousand pins pricking at you. he thrusts his fingers quicker, gyrating his palm against your clit in a way you’re seeing stars.

“i— ah, felix,” your thighs shake violently under him, his fingers continuing their movements in you as he rides out your thigh. you drop your head back on the sheets as you finish off around his fingers, trying to even out your breaths as felix cleans you up with a rag he found on the chairs, cleaning up his knife as well before stuffing it back in his pocket.

he helps you get into your dress, tying your corset as he looks at you through the mirror, and you break out a small giggle at his focused expression behind you as he tightens the knots once again, double-checking you out in the mirror.

he kisses the side of your head and then your cheek, smiling before holding your hand to escort you out of your room.

he leans in to whisper into your ears, a quick ‘i love you’ before leaving you blushing, walking ahead to reunite with the rest of the royal heads to continue with the discussions of your wedlock.

—

a/n; welcome to ep. 1930127495124 of my fics aren’t showing up in the tags :D i was gonna post something else today but lets keep it for next time hehe ;) and i honestly thought about keeping changbin in this, but i realized there was like 1 felix fic on this blog, so that’s changed now >:D thanks for reading!!!!

taglist; @joengni @cherryeol04 @lomlminho @bruh-changbin @yooniversalstudios @ann0325441904 @yourdaddychan @nightshade-minho @yangomangos (message me if you want to be added!)

@stayverse

[life-rewritten]

ITSAY EP 4- SELF-SABOTAGE, HINDERANCES, AND REVERSE HELPS

Warning a painful post coming. I cried so much while analysing this. A lot happened on episode 4 of ITSAY, and I've spent days trying to process. First of all, with that episode my weary heart grows hopeful for a happy ending, even if it is bittersweet, I can't see what else they could possibly do after breaking my heart into pieces. So yes I don't see deaths coming, I don't even see running away from feelings coming anymore, I feel like episode 4 fulfilled all the foreshadowing clues left, and there's nothing left now except but to wait and see the results of the exams. To fully understand the episode and relieve that whole heartbreak again, let's analyse the theme this time and this time let's look deeply at Tehs: Self-loss, regression and sabotage because of the overwhelming consequences of feelings. 

THE CONSEQUENCES OF MISTRANSLATION OF THE HEART

For me, this episode was like a cut that refused to heal. It's easy to predict most of the events that occur in this episode: Teh freaking out about his sexuality, trying to distance himself from Oh, Oh getting hurt becoming resentful, Oh becoming even more hurt when Teh finally tries to call what they have off, both become lost and confused and defeated, Teh gives up all he has for Oh, Oh rejects it and they return back to their rivalry/ their relationship regresses.

 Remember in my previous post (here) I said that Episode 1 was going to be mirrored in Episode 5, that there were so many full circle moments they could return to. Well, I think Episode 1 started to be reflected in Episode 4 with our characters: Oh and Teh have repeated a cycle again of resentment, rivalry and regression (will discuss this in my next post). They've returned back to their old state as rivals no longer friends, no longer lovers, no longer intimate. 

And it's not like Teh wanted this to happen. Teh is so lost when he's without Oh, remember he's addicted and obsessed with Oh, Oh is like the only thing that keeps him grounded and not restless. The fear of losing Oh is something that Teh can't control, it causes him to act out, to lose his mind and it causes him to try and try and try every single time to ensure it doesn't happen. But Teh forgot who Oh was, and I also did. We all screamed from the top of our lungs that Teh would give up his place for Oh but we just forgot about a specific part of that equation: Oh's reaction. I thought it'd be easy; Oh will realise too late what had occurred and Teh would have left by then and he'd run to the sunset and keep waiting for Teh, but nooo I forgot about how Resentful, Prideful and Angry Oh gets whenever he gets hurt by Teh  (shown in episode 1). But before we go into Ohs state this episode, Let's look more at Teh in detail, try and understand him more in this episode when looking at our theme.

TEH: Reverse-Help and Self-Hindrance

Again our Chinese translation lessons become a tool for foreshadowing in this episode. From the beginning of the episode as we see Teh create the tutorial guide, and try and tutor Oh, we get foreshadowing titles/translations such as the word for Reverse Help and it's further emphasised with another translation the word for being a hindrance because of trying to help. As Teh goes through his devastating, and uncontrollable self regression, he tries to go into overdrive. First, he tries to keep his promise to the two people he's torn about; 

For Tarn, he tries to retain his position as someone who loves her for 3 years, as someone who still wants what they have, as someone who is still the same .

For Oh he tries to keep the promise he made to him in episode 1 that he'd help him fulfil his dreams by tutoring.  

Tutoring Chinese Translations Whilst Mistranslating Feelings

Tutoring Oh has always been his way of trying to make things make sense, for example when Oh told him he couldn't return back to their closeness as best friends in episode 1, Teh decides to show him that he will keep working on their friendship and proceeds to help him pass the exams by tutoring. Tutoring Oh becomes an excuse for Teh with everything, to get closer to him when he doesn't want to think, to avoid underlying issues whenever things seem hectic, and to spend as much time as he can to be near Oh without having to face the implications of it. Tutoring Oh is to make Oh learn how to translate Chinese so he can pass the exam to get to the University. 

However, tutoring Oh being Teh's priority shows what he truly wants as his goals: to always be near Oh no matter what, to grow with Oh (for both of them to go the University together and fulfil their dreams) and to repay Oh for the time he hurt him when they were kids/enemies (insulting his dreams and making him self doubt). Teh puts the tutoring as a priority because he puts Oh as his number one, Ohs dreams are important to him, and that's all that matters even if things feel too much to handle. This is already why you see what happens to Teh during this episode, he starts to hyperfocus on that priority as he tries to avoid and avoid what is truly going and instead of helping all he does is make it worse: 

Here are instances in episode 4 where Teh's over helping does nothing but make things worse for him and for the people he cares about; 

TEHS REVERSE HELP TO OH

As mentioned, we have the tutoring. The whole obsession with Ohs dreams become more of an obstacle to Oh, who feels frustrated at Teh, who isn't understanding how he feels. Teh and Oh crossed the line and become more than friends after episode 3, but Teh tried to run away from Oh and then tried to pretend everything was okay. For Oh, Teh hyperfocused on the tutoring (ironic since again he's focusing only on Oh) but he was breaking and causing him to question everything because of his avoidance of the issue. 

Both Oh and Tarn had no clue where they stood with Teh, and he didn't know how to tell them how he felt, because he himself didn't know. Remember the tutoring is all about translation and as I said before the show is all about the consequences of mistranslating feelings when young. When we are young, we don't understand how strong feelings can be, how painful, how confusing (if its someone you can't be with in your perspective) or how uncontrollable. Like Teh instead of trying to listen to the heart, we revert to logic to try and explain feelings and typically that leaves us with nothing but confusion and exhaustion. The more Teh kept running away and avoiding the subject, the more he was affecting both Oh and Tarn: 

Tarn: Because she needed to study, she made it her priority that her aspirations mattered to her that's why she held of their relationship for 3 years despite liking Teh, her aspirations were more important. But now Teh was making her revert to someone who couldn't stop thinking about their attraction to each other; the more Teh led her on, the more her feelings were becoming a  hindrance to her aspirations( trying to help but being a hindrance). But again Ironic because Teh was trying to help her too, he was trying to 'do right' by her by not changing what they have, he was trying to stay by her side even though he was no longer there in the present for her. 

Oh: Because he was starting to realise that just like Teh everything revolved around him, he was beginning to become hurt, self-hating and resentful towards everyone and Teh. He was beginning to lose the zeal to keep on struggling for his exams (Teh revived his hope thus without Teh everything was beginning to seem useless), and he was starting to feel broken-hearted each time Teh avoided the situation.  Oh was realising his dependency on Teh but it frightened him because it could be gone, it could all go wrong, and Teh still had Tarn.  He was starting to be exhausted with everything because when he tried to keep his promise (to keep them a secret), Teh refused to treat it like that, Teh kept on pulling his hopes up and then destroying them, and he became tired of it. 

: The tutorial guide

This brings us to the tutorial guide. Damn, the way my heart screamed for Teh during this. One because as his mother put it, Teh spent nights, days recreating a tutorial guide with 1000 words for Oh to learn for the exam. By tearing out parts of his own revision guides, he used it to create a version that was understandable/ easy to understand. This is clearly a metaphor for what he was doing again with his over helping by tearing/ giving out parts of himself to create different versions of himself for the people he cared about, so it was easy for them to deal with his change. 

The guide was beautiful; you could see the care, the effort, the time he put into it because Tehs priority as mentioned was Oh, Ohs dream and Oh being near him. The guide represented what Teh was trying to do all episode, to make everything easy, pleasing and understanding for everyone.  Teh went into overdrive with the tutorial guide because it was the only thing he could do to again avoid and run away from what was going on, on the surface. 

Now at first, this tutorial guide seems helpful just like Tehs intentions, and it brings Oh back to him. Oh forgives him and they reunite, even proceeding to continue their relationship like before, talking, returning to their beach and doing what they wanted with each other. Except we see later at the end of the episode, all Tehs hard work was for nothing. Oh was resentful because Teh brought his hopes up once again, but refused to deal with the situation again. The tutorial guide instead of being a helping guide to Oh became a waste, it led to Oh even retreating and avoiding to study for the exam because he was heartbroken. Oh did not use the tutorial guide and did not show up for the exam. 

Meanwhile, Teh realises how much he gave to Oh that was wasted and couldn't be retrieved, for example, he later discovers he has to study for the exam only to see empty tatters of his previous revision guide (himself), he'd given everything to Oh, and it was wasted. 

Tehs acting position

This is why Teh giving up his place for Oh with the application is just so sensitive. It's romantic how much Oh is Teh's priority. From episode 1, we've gotten a repetition that getting past this application was Tehs vision, everything he wanted since he was a child. Again we see the evolution of all this; he spent so many years studying, practising, preparing for his acting dreams. His mum did all she could to show him how proud she was of him, his brother worked hard to save money to provide plane tickets and cash for his university dream. Everyone put effort into helping Teh and pushing Teh to his goal. And it's heartwrenching to see him give it all up. 

Us romanticists squealed and hoped that Oh would understand, that this was the first steps for our two to return back together. There's still the exam, we thought, Teh and Oh will reunite, they'll be together, in University, we'll run to the sunset together and scream after that is done except, instead of Oh to see it as a gift, he calls Teh out, he's insulted, he's annoyed, and he's frustrated. He's not going to accept it, he's going to relinquish it. 

Again all Teh did was a waste. And it's worse because this was the final thing he could give up for Oh to be near him, it was the last thing he could give of himself in an attempt to make things go back to normal, the final thing he could do to have Oh forgive him. And by the end, Teh is truly mentally, psychologically, and physically exhausted and gone. There's no more to give, no more to help, he lost it all, and he still couldn't figure out why. 

In an attempt to help everyone, to revert everything to normal Teh is the person who's the most broken and lost. It's to Oh on the surface with his actions, but  he's also trying to help/ impress everyone else as well:

His family: 

His mum who has made it a thing of how helpful Tehs brother has been in her life. Their father isn't here, and Tehs mum is someone who relies on her sons' dreams and actions to provide a sense of success in her life. For Teh he couldn't live up to his brother, but once he told his mother about his dreams about being an actor she rejoiced and boasted to all her friends about it; she was proud, immensely excited and driven to push him to his dreams. 

So when Teh realises that his mum will also be proud that he had a girlfriend like his brother, another form of success, he regresses back to this thoughts, he still needed Tarn to impress his mother, he was reminded of his previous goals, to impress her and be seen as equal to his brother. So he tries to keep what he and Tarn had as normal to keep making everyone around him 'happy', and 'impressed' except it led to Oh hurt. 

It's like a sad game of choices; if he chooses Oh, everyone else he's trying to impress falls apart; for example, the revelation when he decided to give up on the acting application, it wasn't just him affected, everyone had put their hopes and excitement on it, and he ended up losing their praise and support. 

In fact, he came face to face with the thing he was trying to avoid, his mother proceeds to harshly compare him with his brother (I thought she was so out of line for this) and she finally shows him that all his fears and notions on this were real. His mum had been seeing him as a failure compared to his brother it just sucked. 

If he chose them, he lost Oh again he saw that happen when he tries to revert all he had with Oh back to normal, he broke Ohs self-esteem and made Oh go into self-hate and despair. He, on the other hand, was also just as broken, confused and defeated. 

In the end, the sick game of choices, as he tried to impress everyone Teh became a shell of nothing, no support, no praise, no love (both losing Tarn and Oh) and no aims (losing his path to his dreams and his confidence). 

Self-sabotage, hindrance, and regression

So you see Teh becomes a mess because of his failure to translate his feelings correctly. The obstacles to him being able to do so causes him to try and do so in a logical way; trying to split his self and please everyone. He becomes self-sabotaging, and as Tarn tells him he only ends up hurting himself, losing everything he tried to hold on to, and he also ends up becoming a regressed version of himself with nothing to lean on (in his perspective).

 It hurts because these are the results of Internalised homophobia, the results of a society that has made people like Oh and Teh feel like they have to hide and hate who they are at a young age,  the effects of immaturity and young age; not able to understand or deal with feelings, not being able to know what they mean or able to control how we act when it comes. 

It's all consequences of falling in love so young. And as much as falling in love is worth it when you meet the one, it sucks that some LGBTQ+ have to go through obstacles and hindrances and more pain just to understand or get to the person they are meant to be with. It sucks. Thank you to ITSAY for teaching us all about this, for showing us this, for making us realise all this. 

In a way we all can end up like Teh's cut out revision guide, if we don't have enough self-love, confidence, or trust in our feelings, we can end up tearing parts of our selves, losing our selves, dreams and perceptions because of mistranslating who we are/what we want. Luckily this is all to do with age, it's okay to make mistakes and learn from it, this will now push Teh to understand and accept himself for whatever he is, and what he feels, this will open his eyes to seeing he has people by his side who won't let him fall (Hoon, and hopefully Oh) and this will make him stronger, confident and braver. And finally, hopefully, it will lead him once again to the person he loves, and they'd be able to run to the sunset together and scream that they made it. One can only hope. 

PREVIOUS ANALYSIS: PROMISES, SUNSETS AND MALE PROTAGONISTS

PREVIOUS ANALYSIS; XIN THE FOCUS OF THE HEART

[mxgilray]

I... have some thoughts on the Loki finale. It was not what I was expecting, but I'm still hopeful for season 2.

This felt like a meh finale, like how a lot of season finales felt in Spring 2020 when they unexpectedly quit filming and had to cut things short by a couple episodes thanks to the pandemic. Only this was the planned out finale, they should've given a bit more oomph. I'm quite a fan of exposition and character development usually, but all the dialog was centered on He Who Remains, so it felt like our main characters were just side pieces.

Plus, the final "cliffhanger" of Mobius not knowing Loki and the statue of HWR replacing the Time Keeper statues felt quite lackluster. Not sure how they could've made it hit harder, but it didn't deliver the "oh shit" vibes they intended, but maybe that's cuz Mobius not remembering Loki has been an expected plot line on tumblr for half the season so it wasn't a blindside.

I get the point of the Sylki kiss. From what I've seen on tumblr so far I feel like the nuance of Sylvies actions was lost to most people (both Sylki fans and antis just Didn't Get It). It wasn't a big declaration of love like the fans are grasping onto it as, and it wasn't shoving selfcest into the canon to keep the heternormativity like antis are accusing it of being; it was Sylvie using Loki's attachment to her to trick him. She needed Loki out of her way, and she knew the only way to get past him and get He Who Remains' tempad was through emotional distraction. She used his love against him and betrayed him, a kiss was simply the most efficient way to do it. I did a whole post last week about Sylvie's feelings towards Loki, but to sum up I firmly believe that while Loki harbors some romantic feelings for Sylvie, she feels strictly platonic towards him, but is very aware of his attraction. She took advantage of his care for her to get the upper hand during their fight. Heck she even foreshadowed it herself in ep 5. "There are more important things than friends" "like taking down the TVA" she told Loki that taking down whoever is behind the TVA comes before everything; it's priority #1 in her book, above friendship or love or trust. Loki proved that his priority now is the greater good of the universe not her revenge, so Sylvie has no use for him anymore (partners only when it's convenient, because she is a Loki and that's how emotionally stunted Lokis behave).

I would like to point out the irony of her being worried about Loki betraying her, only to turn around and betray him. It's in the realm of "people who cheat assuming their partner is cheating" / "not using a turn signal when changing planes to avoid being cut off because when you see someone else use their signal you tend to cut them off", it's assuming other people will behave like you do. Sylvie feared in ep 5 that Loki would betray her in the end because she knew if it came down to it she'd betray him. But the thing is, he's actually grown past that. Loki is finally thinking about how his actions can damage others, not just his own wants and needs. Sylvie saw this moral change in Loki, realized there was no chance of getting him back on the blind revenge boat, and decided to exploit his newfound selflessness and emotional attachment to get him out of her path.

This whole season Loki has been maturing emotionally and growing into the best, most heroic version of himself. Sylvie, on the other hand, still has that deceptive, selfish, can't trust anyone persona that every Loki develops to combat insecurity. She hasn't had the emotional growth needed to see the bigger picture, she's still trapped in her own self centered mindset. As such, she disregards the impact her betrayal will have on Loki, the impact killing HWR will have on the universe. She doesn't even take a beat to consider whether revenge is still the right path cuz she doesn't practice self reflection yet; revenge has always been the goal and she refuses to give herself a chance of changing her mind. I hope in season 2 she'll get some character growth, now that her 1 goal has been accomplished.

Now on to Mobius. I enjoyed his scenes, I wish we'd been shown more of what he did to reveal the truth to the rest of the TVA. Again, I feel like too much time was given to HWR's monologing and not enough was spent on the other characters so Mobius and B-15 got very little screen time to display their plan. I am happy Mobius got the opportunity to throw Ranslayers betrayal back in her face, and his attemp at attacking her...my boy you work a desk job you ain't no fighter, she used to work in the field collecting variants, you had no chance. Also, where the F did she go??? I kept expecting her to show up at the end of time but she didn't. Where did Miss Minutes send her??

I'm sad Mobius doesn't know Loki anymore, but I can't say I'm surprised. I've got a few different thoughts on what the heck is going on with him and the TVA:

Sylvie accidentally sent Loki way back to a time early on in the TVA before HWR created the Time Keepers for anonymity. As such, this is a past Mobius who has yet to meet Loki or even learn of Loki's existence. If this is the case, then I think Loki and Past!Mobius's interaction at the end of ep 6 will be the catalyst for him becoming a Loki expert. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing before Loki interrupts are from some currently unknown disaster that'll be a plot line in s2. (This is my least favorite theory, but nevertheless a possibility)

HWR was correct when he said that if Sylvie kills him and destroys the TVA then another variant of him will just start it all up again. This variant didn't care to remain anonymous, hence the big statue of him, but kept all the memory wiped variants working there. Because time is a chaotic bitch, the changeover from one HWR variant to another may have been near seamless at the TVA and just involved a quick memory wipe of anything relating to the Time Keepers, Loki and Sylvie, or knowledge that the TVA are all variants. The 63 branches may be thanks to something Renslayer is doing like killing all the HWR variants in existence in order to negate the need for the TVA. The branching could also be from Sylvie's revenge still, we have no idea how much time has passed between her killing HWR and a new HWR taking over so the branching she caused could still be an issue.

There have actually been multiple TVAs running simultaneously, each in their own multiverse. Each one employs memory wiped variants, each one is in charge of a certain subset of timelines, and all work under the one HWR. Sylvie used HWR's tempad to eject Loki back to the TVA, but she accidentally sent him to the TVA of a different multiverse not realizing that's a Thing. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing are indeed from Sylvie killing HWR, but there's only 63 as opposed to the countless we saw diverging from Sylvie's perspective because this TVA only sees branches on timelines within their own multiverse. Mobius doesn't know Loki because he isn't our Mobius and in the multiverse he works in maybe Loki's aren't as much of an issue because none of them ever escaped the TVA like Sylvie did (or none of them have Tom's face so he doesn't recognize him as a Loki). If this is the case, then Loki is gonna have to find his way back to his own multiverse in order to be reunited with his Mobius, and that could end up happening thanks to Renslayer. Miss Minutes gave her a file that I suspect only HWR should have access to. Maybe it was tempad coordinates for other multiverses? It took til the 31st century for the multiverses to be connected despite Tony figuring out time travel in the 21st century because travel between universes is much harder, maybe HWR is still the only one who knows how to do that. (If this theory is correct then all the time travel done during Endgame was through timelines within one multiverse) Also just thought of this but what if the reason there are so many extreme variations of loki that grew to adulthood is because the criteria of "sacred timeline" is different in each multiverse. Classic Loki and maybe President Loki and Kid Loki are from the same universe as MCU Loki, but red haired Loki, Croki, Boastful Loki, etc are all from other universes. Think about it, Classic Loki, 2012 Loki, and MCU Loki all have an exact identical path up until their nexus event (or death in MCU Loki's case). I think other than identifying as female, Sylvie's childhood was identical as well and that her nexus event was coming to terms with her adoption as a child, which erased the catalyst of 2011 Thor's plot and would've changed everything for her future path. Had her adoption remained a secret and she grew up on asgard, I believe her story would mirror MCU Loki's. It mildly hit me weird that there would be such wild variation amongst Lokis, even with him being a shapeshifter, because there's a rigid sacred timeline (that supposedly the MCU movies have all adhered to) and they all felt like too big of a divergence to have been left unchecked so long. If boastful Loki was telling the truth about getting all 6 infinity stones then he should've triggered a nexus event as soon as he got more than the 3 he is "supposed to" interact with, unless in his multiverse the sacred timeline criteria is different. Another theory: the agents employed in each TVA are from multiverses other than the one they're working in. It would make sense, keep them from running into their own past by fully detaching each agent from their home timeline/universe. So the Principal!Renslayer that B-15 found will never in any future become the TVA judge we know. The one we know maybe came from the universe Loki got sent to, and that's how the two of them will end up crossing paths again.

[markandlexies]

The One With Will and JJ’s Wedding - Part 3

Summary: Based off of 8.02 and 8.03 of Friends. You finally decide to tell Spencer the news.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader 

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: This is the final part, yay! Thanks for all the love and kind feedback! :) Request some more friends eps and maybe I’ll do those next. I have some ideas! Enjoy! 

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

The following day, you waltzed into the apartment to say goodbye to JJ and Will as they were soon leaving for their honeymoon.

Emily, Penelope and Derek were already sprawled out on the couches. JJ was scrubbing the surface of the kitchen counter while you could see Will’s outline in the bedroom packing clothes into a suitcase.

“Yay! You’re still here!” You smiled. “I just wanted to tell you to have a good honeymoon.”

You wrapped the blonde in a hug, giving her a tight squeeze as she thanked you.

“Also, I just wanted to let you guys know that I am telling the father today.”

You looked around at their faces as nobody said anything. Derek was looking up, trying not to meet your eyes. JJ scratched her head awkwardly. Penelope and Emily were attempting to cover their huge smiles.

“What?”

There was a moment of silence before Derek finally jumped up from the couch, not being able to hold his excitement in any longer. “We know it’s Reid!”

Your jaw dropped as he reached your side, the rest of the girls following. “What? How do you guys know?!” You asked.

“It was his sweater!” Penelope gushed.

“Wow, I so wanted Spencer to know first but I am so relieved that you guys know!” You beamed, resting a hand on Derek’s shoulder.

“So, have you figured out how you’re gonna tell him yet?” 

“Well, I was gonna tell him that I’m gonna have the baby and he can be as involved as he wants.” You shrugged.

“That sounds good.” Emily nodded.

“Yeah, but, you know, how do I start?” you questioned. “I mean, what’s the first thing that I say?”

Another moment of silence had passed, none of them knowing how you should change Spencer’s life forever.

“Okay! Great, guys! Thanks!” You laughed as you started to walk towards the door.

“Good luck!” JJ cheered shooting you an encouraging smile.

And with that, you left.

-

JJ and Will had finally gone to the airport, bidding their farewells to the group. Penelope and Derek had migrated across the hall to watch a movie.

“You know,” Derek began. “JJ and Will are married. Y/N and Spencer are gonna have a baby. Maybe you and I should do something.”

Penelope laughed, grabbing his face. “All in good time, my love. All in good time.”

A couple of minutes later, Spencer walked through the door. “Hey, you guys.”

The two looked at each other with excitement.

“Hey, did Y/N find you?” Penelope asked, trying to keep her smile at bay.

“No, why?”

“Oh, she was looking for you.” Penelope shrugged.

Spencer nodded. “Oh, well, I guess I’ll just catch up with her later.” He walked over towards the couch where they were sitting. “What are you guys watching-“

“She really wanted to talk to you now.” Derek interjected.

Penelope turned to look at Spencer. “Yeah, it seemed pretty important!” She added.

Spencer looked at the two of them for a second and before he could get a word out, the two of them stood and walked over to him, forcing him to stand up.

“I think you should go like… right now!” Penelope gulped.

“Yeah, right now sounds good!” Derek urged lightly pushing him towards the door.

Spencer rolled his eyes, clearly getting the hint. “Okay! Okay, I’ll go find her! It was nice seeing you guys too!” He closed the door behind him, the pair letting out a huge sigh of relief, but still on edge knowing he had no idea what was to come.

-

Spencer hurried over to his apartment, figuring he would find you there. As he rounded the corner, just as he expected, you were sat outside his door, flipping through a magazine. He couldn’t help but stare at you for a moment, not wanting to disturb your calm state. You were lightly humming a song, your bottom lip between your teeth and your hair so perfectly framing your face.

He cleared his throat, “Hey.” Grabbing your attention, you looked up, a smile spreading over your lips. “Hi!”

He held his hand out, helping you stand. “I think there’s something we really need to talk about.” You said softly.

“So I’ve heard… why don’t we go inside?”

You nodded and followed him as he opened the door. It was pretty obvious to almost everyone that no matter what happened, the spark between you two would always linger. Spencer had still believed that at the end of the day you would both end up together. He secretly hoped that maybe what you had to tell him was that you wanted to start things back up again.

With that being said, what had happened a month ago had crushed him. While he of course missed you and the sex was great, it was clear it wouldn’t be anything more. He knew that he couldn’t put himself through it again with you; meaningless sex and then going on with life as if it meant nothing.

“Okay… Spence, you might wanna sit down…” You said, grabbing his hand and leading him to couch. He sat down and looked up at your pacing figure. 

“Y/N, what is it?”

Now he was completely lost, you wouldn’t be freaking out so much about asking to get back together, and if you were you certainly wouldn’t in front of him.

“Spence…”

You paused and took a seat next to him on the couch.

“I’m pregnant.”

He said nothing, but he didn’t have to. His face said it all as his eyes widened. 

Spencer was in absolute shock to say the least. How could you be pregnant?! His mind was racing and he no words were coming out.

“And you’re the father, by the way… But I think you already know-“ You cringed, cutting yourself off before you said anything else that wouldn’t be helpful. He just stared back at you, trying to comprehend what was going on. His silence was making this so much worse.

“Spence, listen. There is no pressure on you at all-“

“No, I-I uh… I just don’t understand… how this happened…” He dryly laughed in disbelief. “I mean we used a condom.”

“I know, I know. But condoms only work like 97% of the time-“

“Wh-What?!” He jumped up, running a hand through his hair. “Well, they should put that on the box!”

“They do!” You insisted.

“No, they don’t!” He shouted as he ran into his bedroom, emerging with the black box in his hand. “Well, they should put it in huge block letters!”

“Spencer!” You whined, standing up to meet him. “Let’s just forget about the condoms-“

“Oh, well, I may as well have!”

“You know what, I’ll just come back later-“

“N-No, Y/N! Wait!” He walked over, before you could run out the door. “I’m sorry… this is just so-“

“I know… I know.” You nodded quickly, understanding. You couldn’t blame him for his reaction. You felt tears well up in your eyes, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. “I get it, I’m freaked out too-“ You choked out, putting your head down in an effort to hide the pathetic tears racing down your cheeks.

“Hey,” he whispered, grabbing your chin and lifting your head to meet his eyes. You were now suddenly aware of how close the two of you were. “I’m gonna be here every step of the way-“

“Spence, you don’t-“ you sniffled.

“No, I am. I want this…” He trailed off. “I-I want this and I want it with you.” He whispered.

Your shoulders were shaking and your vision was blurry but you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. She felt her heart skip a beat as he slowly leaned in, your lips meeting. The kiss spoke a thousand words, all the feelings you had both kept bottled up for the past month. 

You pulled away, needing to breathe and were met with Spencer’s soft eyes and dumbstruck smile, which you were almost positive you were mirroring. 

Your smile faltered for a second, “I’m scared, Spence.” 

His hands were still tangled in your hair, and with his right hand he stroked the back of your head in a reassuring manner. 

“So am I. But knowing that I’m doing it with you makes it all a little less scary.”

-

“So you guys are really gonna do this?” Garcia asked the pair in front of her in awe.

“Yeah… yeah we are.” Spencer smiled, putting his arm around you and rubbing your shoulder reassuringly. You leaned into his touch and smiled up at him. “We’re gonna have a baby.” You said softly.

“Oh, you guys! I’m so happy for you!” Emily gushed.

“This is so exciting, I call dibs on godfather!” Derek insisted.

You smiled at the both of them. Having your best friends approval and excitement made the entire situation less scary.

“I mean, yeah, we were both scared at first- we still are!” You laughed. “It took us about ten minutes to actually have the conversation because I had to teach Spencer that condoms are only 97% effective-“ 

“What?” Derek gulped. 

You both ignored him as Spencer laughed, “Hey, in my defense-“

Derek interrupted again. “Hold on- are you serious?!” He sputtered, eyes bulging out of his head. “So like 3% of the time they don’t even work?!”

You all just stared at him, you should’ve expected this.

“They should put that on the box!” 

“They do!” Emily huffed.

“What?” He yelped, pulling a strip of them out of his pocket and examining it. 

The trio started to bicker but you ignored them, looking up at Spencer who was laughing at the sight in front of him. You couldn’t imagine having to go through the next nine months with anyone else. You were the luckiest girl alive.

[skullsandwineglasses]

Remembrance of Things Past - Eps 1-10 Impression/Rant

Not really a first impressions post since there are only 2 episodes left, but as I’m waiting on the last few episodes, I thought I’d rant a bit about the drama here. 

First of all, I agree with everything that AvenueX said in her review of the first 6 episodes. Her review is what prompted me to start the drama. I needed a realistic slice of life drama to balance out the idol drama that is You Are My Glory (which I’m also waiting on for new episodes), and ROTP seemed to fit bill. ROTP is just so good.

I binged ROTP in 3 days. It could have been 2 days, but I started it at 2am on a Wednesday night, so I didn’t get very far the first night. Each episode is about 75 minutes long, so almost the equivalent of 2 regular lengthed episodes, but not quite. 

I cried during the first two episodes. The character development is just phenomenal. You really feel for Jing Jing’s character even though you’ve only seen her character for an hour. There are little moments throughout the drama that made me tear up too, like when the girls were celebrating Nan Jia jie’s 36th birthday and I got emotional over how close their bond is, or moments when the girls reflected on their aging parents and how we often take our parents for granted. 

Plot pacing and structure

The plot is tight and well-paced, and each girl’s storyline is interwoven well. Sometimes they’d cut between simultaneous scenes between the girls to compare and contrast what they’re each going through. For instance, when Xu Yan is having an argument with her boyfriend, the drama will also cut and flip back and forth to Qiao Xi Chen going through problems at her workplace. When Xu Yan makes up with her boyfriend, the drama cuts to QXC and Nan Jia being romantically pursued by Jian Yi Fan and Ou Yang. It’s interesting to see how their lives mirror and differ from each other. 

Because the storylines between the girls are so interwoven and keep flipping back and forth between each other, it makes it hard to skip scenes because you can’t just skip an entire segment or else you’ll miss something important in all 3 storylines. I can see that this might be a little annoying if you have a preference for one of the girls and want to skip someone else’s storyline. But I actually like seeing all 3 of their stories play out, so I’m not bothered by it. 

Another aspect about the plot’s structure that I appreciate is how they use the mystery behind Jing Jing’s suicide as a throughline for the drama. Up until episode 8ish(?), each episode ends with a question about Jing Jing’s life prior to her suicide and the next episode opens with the girls trying to find an answer or a clue to it. The girls and we the audience learn more and more about Jing Jing with each episode. However, episodes 9 and 10 deviate from the structure a bit and so the drama has recently been less and less focused on Jing Jing’s story, especially after they found out that she had depression. The drama seems to imply that her depression due to the stress of living in Beijing was the main factor that led to her suicide, while the successive unfortunate events that happened on her birthday was the trigger. 

Characters

I like all the main characters in the drama, albeit some a little more than others, which I’ll explain. I think the 3 male love interests are a little too perfect though, and so I guess this slice of life drama is actually a little idealistic after all. 

Xu Yan - My least favourite of the four girls. She’s materialistic, but not as spoiled as I though she would be. But it does annoy me how she keeps picking fights with Shen Zi Chang, when he’s just trying his best. He’s so tolerant and patient with her. He apologizes, they make up, and then the cycle repeats. It’s just a very unhealthy relationship, and I’m tried of seeing them fight and make up. 

EDIT: So, I started writing this review when I had only watched up until episode 9, but now that I’ve finished episode 10, um, wtf?? Xu Yan made a bad choice and got scammed of all her money, her friends try to comfort her, loan her money, and tell her not to repress her emotions like Jing Jing. And then she just lashes out at them saying they have no right to comfort her because they were the ones who caused Jing Jing’s death. Xu Yan starts off blaming QXC for not knowing that Jing Jing had a crush on her boyfriend, and then she blames Nan Jia for being a bad older cousin. She blames both of them for being ignorant of Jing Jing’s depression and only caring about themselves. QXC (rightfully) retorts back than Xu Yan knew all along that Jing Jing had a crush on her boyfriend, and yet Xu Yan never told anyone, so she’s just as guilty as all of them. Honestly, I was sympathetic towards Xu Yan before, but she was just so ungrateful and entitled in that scene. What right does she have pointing fingers and assigning guilt to people? And to weaponize Jing Jing’s death against them? That’s just cruel. The argument between them in that scene at the end of episode 10 just felt so random and out of place. All of a sudden, Xu Yan points out all of these problems she has with QXC and Nan Jia, when all they’ve ever done is pamper her. Also, you can’t blame QXC for dating Lin Rui even if Jing Jing liked him first, and not to mention that QXC wasn’t even aware. QXC might not have even chosen to date Lin Rui if she had known. But it happens all the time between friends where your friend might date someone you like. All’s fair in love and war, and there’s no first come first serve rule when it comes to dating.

Jing Jing - She becomes more complex as you learn more about her. She puts her friends first and is fiercely supportive and protective of them. We get a glimpse of how far she’s willing to go for them she pulls a butcher knife from the kitchen and points it at QXC’s debt collectors in the first episode. Her friends see her as being really open, expressive, and bubbly. She’s the first one they each go to whenever they need help with a problem or want to show off an achievement. But in reality, she’s really secretive. She hides her feelings to keep her friends happy, and when they slowly uncover her secrets, she becomes less and less recognizable to them, as though she’s been living a double life all along. 

At the end of episode 10, Jing Jing is described as the “hole in the tree” that everyone goes to to share their secrets, but they forget that she’s also a person with her own secrets to share, and she’s not just a tree hole to serve others. Can we blame the friends for not paying enough attention to Jing Jing and only using her for emotional support? Yes and no. It’s complicated. We should always do more to try to care for others and to be more attentive to them, but at the same time, it’s impossible to completely know a person. I purposely hide parts of my life from my friends because I don’t want them worrying or judging or commenting. So I would never expect them to be able to figure it out, and neither do I want them to figure it out. I think it’s interesting that the drama is exploring the friends’ self-imposed guilt, but I don’t agree that Xu Yan should be the one to point it out them and to be Jing Jing’s spokesperson. Xu Yan positions herself as Jing Jing’s heroic and righteous advocator, when really Xu Yan is the most problematic person out of the three remaining friends. 

Also, after seeing how the friends interact, they don’t feel narcissistic. Yes, they each readily vent about their problems to each other, but they also ask about the other person. It’s not one-sided. Xu Yan talks about her problems with her boyfriend, but she also asks and cares about what’s happening in QXC’s life and vice versa. Nan Jia is more mature and is busy with her business, but she always takes the time and effort to help her friends. All of their conversations are reciprocal and they are genuinely interested in each other’s lives. So, I don’t think they have a major communication problem or that they don’t care or that they’re ignorant. Which again, makes Xu Yan’s accusations in episode 10 feel even more unfair. 

Ji Nan Jia - Jing Jing’s cousin and also the oldest of the three girls (about a decade older). Sassy, witty, unapologetic, confident. She’s who you’d think of when you imagine a successful, independent, career-driven woman. She’s extremely annoyed by her mother’s nagging to get married. But she herself is trying to figure out whether she actually wants to find someone to settle down with or if she just wants to beat her biological clock and have children while she still can. She’s pursued by Ou Yang, ten years her junior, and he’s absolutely enamoured with her. He seems to be unconditionally in love with her, which is what I meant when I said that the male leads in this drama seem too perfect and idealistic. But I like Ou Yang though. He’s adorable. 

Qiao Xi Chen - The main character of the four main characters. Like Nan Jia, she’s also quite sassy. In some ways, she’s like a younger version of Nan Jia. QXC is also very career driven and competitive. She’s confident and believes in her abilities, but she also gets easily overwhelmed and emotional (like when her stress and nervousness prevented her from being able to give her proposal presentation and she ran out of the room. I’ve definitely felt that way before my committee meetings). QXC is a character you can self-insert as because she represents the everyday employee who struggles with the long commute to work and tries to stand out and make a name for herself in the company. QXC is also extremely paranoid, which is understandable when you’re a woman living alone in the city. I know what it’s like to have to briskly walk home late at night and constantly having to look over your shoulder to make sure no one’s following you, or having to check your hotel room before you change, or having to make it seem like you’re not the only one living in your apartment. QXC is smart, logical, helps people when she can, but is also reasonably selfish when she needs to protect herself, like when her co-workers try to take advantage of her or throw her under the bus. She’s a character everyone can relate to.

She and Jian Yi Fan also make such a cute pairing. I love all their interactions. I love how Jian Yi Fan can’t help but smile when he’s with her, but he tries hard to clamp it down. I love how QXC is aware of her own attraction and easily admits to to Xu Yan that she does have feelings for him instead of beating around the bush. And I especially love the awkward but adorable confession scene in episode 8. Such great banter and play on words (”你是什麼意思” “沒意思” “你對我是不是有意思?”). The drama did a great job of depicting the frustration of trying to guess whether someone likes you when they seem to be sending mixed signals. A lot of dramas that don’t focus on romance seem to do a better job of showing romance than idol dramas that focus on nothing but romance. I grew up with TVB dramas, and in most of them, romance is usually secondary to the main plot, but I always loved the romances in those dramas.

Like Ou Yang, JYF is such an idealistic love interest. He’s so supportive of and attentive to QXC. I haven’t watched too many slice of life dramas, but To Dear Myself and My Best Friend’s Story both had flawed (and sometimes even irredeemable) male love interests. This drama’s rose-coloured glasses definitely reduces the amount of performative angst, but it also makes the drama a little less realistic. The men in Jing Jing’s life aren’t villainized either even when you expected them to be sinister. I think the most antagonistic character is Lin Rui, but even he’s made to be sympathetic. In fact, nearly all the characters in the drama are sympathetic characters because many of the choices they made were forced because of the situation they found themselves in, and what they did was an act of self-preservation. And so, you can’t hate them or blame them. 

Acting and Dialogue

I mean, what’s there to say? The acting and dialogue just sucks you right in. I love it so much. The characters are so animated and charming because of how well the actors delivered their lines. I’m not a mandarin speaker (I’m a cantonese speaker but learned mandarin afterwards), but even I was able to notice the colloquialism and slangs and idiosyncratic ticks in speech that made the dialogue feel so real and alive. The actors had great comedic timing, and when they cried, you could feel how vulnerable they are. 

Lastly, I also like the little “life lessons” they include at the end of the drama where there’d be a voiceover by one of the actresses and they’d muse about life. One of my favourite musings when when they talked about what it means to have a sense of security. For some people, having a sense of security is about having a certain amount of money in your bank account, or having someone waiting for you to come home, but a sense of security isn’t something tangible or physical that you can achieve or possess. It’s a belief. It’s a belief that you’re able to face any problem and that life will go on. It’s a belief that the one that you love will be faithful and supportive. It’s a type of belief that allows you to be confident to face uncertainty. And thus, a sense of security is something that only you can give yourself. I really like that little food for thought because it’s a great reminder to be self-dependent and to not rely on external gratification. Que sera sera. What will be will be. Don’t get too hung over on failure and don’t let stress dominate your life. 

Note: Watching this at the same time as You Are My Glory is extremely humbling. YAMG is an idol drama, and so they make the romance look so easy. Heck, idol dramas make being a protagonist easy. The protagonist is destined to stand out from the crowd. It’s easy to be noticed. It’s easy to cause a change in the status quo. But ROTP is a reminder that we’re all practically nobodies in the big city. It feels impossible to make an impression when there are millions of other people living almost the same life as you are. There’s nothing special about you, and it’s hard to find meaning and purpose. Obviously, the drama shows that even when it feels like you’re trying to swim upstream in a big city, we each have a life worth living. We may feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but to our friends and family, we’re their world and they’re ours. I think it was Camus who said that we should find meaning in the face of absurdity. Live in spite of how absurd and meaningless things feels. Anyway, this drama gives you a lot to think about, even though I don’t really like the melodrama they’ve recently added to drag the plot (*cough cough* that explosive argument scene at the end of episode 10 that I keep ranting about). You’d think that a 12-episode drama wouldn’t have filler, and yet here we are. 

[taywans]

mod rewatch: episode 1

oh my god i forgot how good the opening sounded. the beat kicks in and so does my adrenaline.

the environmental shots of vm are so pretty - they really abused the heck out of their drone in this episode haha

foreshadowing: the posters of the election are everywhere. plus, the autopsy of natty's death reveals quite a bit about the circumstances leading to jane death, huh

the special effects and production value of this show are top tier

THE FACT THAT THEY JUST TAKE OFF THEIR MASK AND SPIT ALL OVER THE BODY... IM DEAD

does hypostasis even set in that quickly? it probably takes a few hours, right? natty died 2 seconds ago lmfao what

pat's business card is so shiny YAAAA

jane’s actress is so skinny omg...

the food their eating looks super good though!

why is BUN TELLING JANE ABOUT NATTY’S FUCKING AUTOPSY ... THIS IS A BREACH OF CONFIDENTIALITY MY MAN

jane must be feeling so bad about natty’s fate right now, jesus

the parallel to the little mermaid is quite fitting. originally I thought it was about jane trying to change the narrative and prevent herself from being a sacrifice for love (for pued/rung’s sakes), but in hindsight the 'love' she sacrificed herself for was that for her students and hometown.

I tried searching the stanza she was teaching to her class, but I couldn’t find any similar results

I like how the club name ‘the mist’ mirrors the mist settling into vm in the earlier drone shots. mist can illustrate the precedence of great revelation. it can also represent approach death (browning) and the uncertainty about the future and beyond. very fitting for a show like mod !!

did inspector m literally ditch bun for (the) nut.

i forgot how well inspector m treated bun in the beginning! he was the one who took bun drinking. seeing inspector m being all wholesome and smiley makes me so happy. he (and oat?) took care of bun and gave him porridge the morning after haha

bun’s stretching and shower montage combo is so fucking unnecessary but we love it

why do they have a brand spanking new dead body on the table? its such a small town, who tf is dying left and right!

oat, you're a mess but please never change. STOP FLICKING WATER ON THE SPILL, YOU’RE MAKING IT WORSE OMSFSLDKFJAMMM

did oat and bun just up and leave their hospital rotation to go clothes shopping EXCUSE ME

why does pued have a bruise on his wrist? is this ever explained??

pued's smile is so forced when bun asks about his relationship w jane lmfao. he just runs away bc he isn’t able to handle it

i love the shot into the crocodiles mouth! bun is venturing into the jaws of danger oooh

the watch motif is so fucking strong in this ep.! pued looks at his watch moments after meeting bun. tan is also looking at his watch whilst being shot by bun’s camera at the director’s birthday party. rung is also wearing a watch. bun himself wears one. there’s almost a watch in every scene of the movie. side characters like oat and fai (the abortion nurse lmfao), as well as some of the vips, are wearing watches too. watches are a reminder that humans are inseparable from time (faulkner) or to represent the inevitability of death (poe). it can also symbolise that the character themselves are ‘watchers’ as in they are bystanders watching something unfold. in this case, they’re all ‘watchers’ of jane’s death, and no one was able to take any action to prevent it. again, very apt for mod.

just now realized the symbolism of clothing: rung, tan, pued are all wearing dark shades, as well as the vips there. contrarily, bun is wearing white - he’s the only innocent person there. oat is wearing a pink dress, but we don’t talk about that. we see jane in a red dress, which can foreshadow her murder. bun also has a red tie (symbolic of a bloody noose?) around his neck!! its all very interesting!!!

i forgot that tan was about to give up on having the conversation with bun, but bun responded right as he turned away, which made him turn back all smiley and soft ughhhhh

why is bun in charge of both coronial and hospital autopsy?? he literally does everything in this hospital asdjfkl

you'd think that the case wouldn’t have been assigned to him? he has an obvious connection to jane and a basic check of phone records would show that he called near time of death. he's pretty sus objectively, so he shouldn't be handling the case?

ok, for my own clarification, petechial hemorrage and facial congestion suggests the victim was hung whilst still alive - The More You Know

oat has way too many privileges as an intern …

tan was forced to take the fall for pued by saying he was jane's bf, right? he looks so fucking pissed lmfao. im also a bit confused at the testimony he gave. one look into jane’s text records and asking around would show that he's lying about their relationship, but ok.