#he hated the shining for much the same flaws this movies have

[takeachillpillshawty]

No, some people do shit on Vil. I like to think there's a spectrum when it comes to Vil haters and Vil lovers.

Vil haters will demonize Vil and call him racist because he 'hates' Epel's accent, when that's not even true! He hates how crude and inappropriate he talks to others, you forget that Rook speaks French in some of his dialogues? Vil doesn't even bat an eye making the whole Vil is racist thing completely ridiculous and meaningless.

'Vil is abuse towards Epel!' Epel literally tried to pick a fight first and y'all are mad he actually got hurt? What did you want Vil to do? Stand there and take it? You all make jokes about Riddle getting his shit rocked by Ace because he was a little shit, but mad at Vil for doing the same to Epel? Vil doesn't go out of his way to abuse Epel, the fuck?! And I'm not saying that Epel is a terrible person nor a saint, we can have characters who are both flawed and still like them.

I see Vil as the type of mom you think is an asshole but when you get older you realize she was trying he best to raise you when you were a difficult child. I do agree that Vil has flaws that he needs to work on, the thing some people can't comprehend is that Vil will admit that he's wrong. Vil isn't self centered or some snobby rich dude, he strives to be a better person for himself and others that includes admitting he's wrong and bettering himself. He wants everyone in his dorm to be a better version of themselves and in one of his birthday cards it stated that while in his club he learned more about what goes on behind the scenes of movies because of his club member's help.

Vil, who is an actor appreciated the help of his fellow club mates for teaching him more about what goes on behind his profession. And I can't fully go in more dept because I'm an English twst user, and unfortunately some of the dialogue is either wrongfully translated or censored because Disney can't handle the queer themes of his character despite most of their Disney villains being QUEER CODED due to the Haze code back in the day. I'm seeing that people love to bring up the 'him trying to kill Neige' situation with his overblot, and I have to admit... Mans was genuinely tweaking, not gonna lie.... But you have to understand that Vil literally spent his life perfecting his acting skills despite his villainous roles he's given. He still held his head high despite it all, only for Neige to step in and steal that role of the hero. How would it feel to spend years at something that gave you an identity, the only thing that you're good at only to be out shined by a person who never felt the struggle of requiring that talent. I'm not saying Vil had every right to do what he did, but damn I understand why he did it.

Now onto Vil lovers, like I said it a spectrum. We have the Vil lovers who like myself can see his flaws and can agree that Vil has some issues but can see that he's a good person despite it all....then we have the Vil fans who hate and demonize Neige.

I can't understand why we can't have both, you also know you can like both characters without putting down or demonizing one over the other. I think that Neige is another version of Kalim honestly and I think he's a really sweet guy, but come on... You guys are just making stuff up to excuse Vil almost killing him which again I say, we can admit Vil was fucked for that but blaming something on Neige that he didn't even know happened is crazy. It's not Neige's fault that Vil hates him but the circumstances in their lives that put them to where they are now. Neige didn't ask to be famous, hell he didn't asked to be an actor he needed the money to have a better living situation for himself and his friends.

This has now become a Vil rant and I don't care, I love this man so much.

[beevean]

While I like Steven Universe and all of it's misgivings (even though I feel some parts of it could be written a bit more realistically, like Kevin and Steven's weird animosity angle), I always felt that the Movie adding Spinel was kind of a lazy and thoughtless decision just to make Pink Diamond more cruddy than she really is. I get that as part of the regime that considered castes wouldn't treat their lower halves with such kindess as they would the parts they belonged to, but it just seemed rather out of character for Pink to discard Spinel and make her stay in her garden for so damn long, if we were to assume Pink actually did shatter her Pearl accidentally. If there was more instances of Pink Diamond being that volatile in the show and not a lot of heresay (The Crystal Gems talking about Pink like she's an spoilt brat, for example), I'd probably would buy it more. As it stands, there's too little information thanks to the nature of the show, and it really just feels like after the revelation of Pink and Rose Quartz being one and the same, they forgot to give more humanizing qualities to Rose, especially sinc she's such a trigger for Steven in Future.

Spinel, to me, only exists to make Pink Diamond more cruel than she actually is, and I don't actually like Spinel because of that.

I agree with you in part. I don't think Spinel exists only to make Pink look more cruel, but I think the show started villainizing her a little too much in general, culminating in Future.

The idea is sound on paper. Present a character as a paragon of unreachable goodness, to the point that Steven feels like everyone expects him to measure up to his dead mom, and then start showing the cracks in her shining armor: she looked down on the same humans she swore to protect, she bubbled Bismuth, she shattered Pink Diamond and is the reason Homeworld hates everything to do with Earth, she was Pink Diamond and lied to all of the CGs and forced Pearl to keep her secret. We see her at her best, and slowly we go backwards to see at her worst. The idea is that we're supposed to put together the events in reverse order and appreciate her character development... but in practice, it means that Steven just starts to resent Rose and have an attitude of "yes mom sucks, must be a day ending in Y"

Future is what irked me the most. The last time Rose is plot relevant, we discover that she literally traumatized Pink Pearl through a temper tantrum. The last time we see Rose, it's her painting stuffed inside Lion's mane, out of sight and out of mind. The last time we hear her name, Steven is angrily comparing Greg to her. Everyone has moved on from her, but not in a healthy way, but in an almost... cancelled way? The narrative put too much focus on her bad actions, and seemingly forgot that Pink did a massive work on herself to do the closest thing a Gem can to grow up.

Spinel is just one of those examples. As an antagonist, she works, she's out of her mind with emotional pain, Pink and not Rose hurt her (so Steven can't just tell her the truth, like she did with Jasper and the Diamonds), and her inner conflict is abandonment issues, which how in the hell is Steven supposed to solve? He doesn't, the Diamonds do. But... yeah. Since Rose isn't around to defend herself, a recurring theme in SU, we never learn why she never came back for Spinel. Maybe because the portals were broken! But the narrative just leaves us with "Pink was a jerk and abandoned her friend because she was annoying" (or because she was meant to replace Pink Pearl in a shallow, insulting way, but still).

This is a big flaw of trying to paint the complexities of a dead character. We have to rely on hearsay, different opinions, and so does the titular character. Steven decided that Rose was a liar, and that's where the show stopped. It sucks, because Rose is my favorite character in the show and back in the day I swear that she was more hated than the Diamonds :<

[solongandgoodnightxoxo]

Random ooc post

Hello everyone, as we know I’d hate Gideon if I ever saw him irl and I’d 100% eat him for being rich.

I just really like his character…

Is he the best villain ever? No

Is the media he’s from flawed? Very much so

However, I really like the idea of him. The premise around scott pilgrim is really fun and I like it a lot, and I think the exes are a really good part of it!

Sure in the comics and movie they weren’t the biggest most fleshed out thing ever, but they’re still very fun to play with and I like their characters, even if we don’t see much of it

I don’t love Gideon, in fact I think he’s a “nice guy”

However he is still one of my favorites. He’s very fun to play, and I think he was really fun in the movie (even if I didn’t like the movie besides the jokes)

I’d beat him to death on sight for the kung pao chicken line. Won’t even make a justification there.

I know others don’t like it much, but I like how different he is in each media while still having the same Baseline.

Comics? I really like that version! It shows Gideon in his most deranged, and I think he has some pretty good lines + I like characters with a mysterious element

Movie? Like I said, far from my favorite, but Jasons performance was really good and he clearly had fun! I really only like the movie because you can tell everyone had a really fun time making it and obviously really loved their roles. I’m never excusing the lesphobia and racism though thats ew!!!

Spto? Its flawed, and the rose tinted goggles have fallen, but I still really like how Gideon was shown. I will admit, there were plot holes (like gideon having an act around julie, who was on his side) but I think its a great way to cast him aside and stop his yapping so others could finally have their time to shine. I think it was refreshing, and opened up a whole new view of how he acts (even if it was flawed). Also goosepowers. Im the number one goosepowers defender. LOOK AT ME. THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME TOGETHER IN THE COMICS.

I do acknowledge that Bryan himself never seems to know Gideons character..but that makes it so much fun to run with! As long as you’ve got the basics, You could accurately portray Gideon (which btw im gonna rewatch spto and the later half of the movie so I can get back on track with him, as well as Matthew)

This is probably a total yapfest with no true rhyme or reason, but I just want this to be known.

I am 100% against this man. I will be the first to drag him actually, and if he was around irl I’d be trashing on him so unbelievably hard. However, he is a really fun role to play and I’m so glad the other Gideon blogs got me to really focus on him.

He’s one of my favs, but thats really only because of you guys. I love Matthew more than him but oh my god Gideon is SO fun to play. I feel like such a theater kid rn, but its true. A lot of the blogs are shitposts, and I’ve done some of that too, but I have put my heart and soul into this blog. I really like being up on stage for people to see! Every rp I do I think of everyone reading along, and I really hope I’ve done my job of entertaining and keeping it fun!

I can say the same for Matthew too, but I love him in a different way. Gideon is fun to play and I like characterizing him, but Matthew is just a TBH creature to me. I dont think i can explain it.

Anyways yapfest over bye bye!!

[tedwardremus]

I like the way you responded to the anon that was projecting their own feelings about Ron.

I know you are doing the whole controversial asks and I respect the way you laid down facts.

Ron deserves so much respect, why is he always treated like he’s ‘lazy’ or not on the same level as his two best friends?

I feel it’s all because people rely on the movies instead of reading the books and understanding the source. Plus, Harry also slacked off many times. Hell, when he got with Ginny I can bet he didn’t even care about his grades, but we don’t see hate towards him since he’s the main guy.

Hermione literally walked out of Divination and has done some pretty messed up stuff (disfigured Marietta’s face) she also sent canaries on Ron. Wouldn’t that scene alone make people view her as unable to keep her feelings in check?

Yet, she wasn’t held accountable for her actions. Why? Because Emma Watson is the actress or because people want a Mary-Sue that does no wrong (whom takes all of Ron’s lines and personality?)

The fun thing about Harry Potter is the depth of the character's flaws and contradictions. This doesn't make them evil or awful people but very perfectly human.

Hermione is ruthless, petty, competitive, and ambitious, but she is also kind, generous, girly, and has a dirty sense of humor. She is a fully fleshed-out character.

Every character can be annoying sometimes. They can frustrate us. Their world view is imperfect. But they are also marvelous and wonderful and loved by others.

JKR really doesn't understand politics, institutional power, or war, but she did a great job with her characters, and they shine on the paper—the good guys, the bad guys, and the ones in between. They are little worlds inside the heads of even the most minor characters, and that's what makes this fandom so much fun.

If people want to knock on my door, which is the Tumblr inbox, and share their thoughts, I will always welcome them with a slice of cake and a cup of tea into my home, and I will never insult them or tell them off for having a different opinion than my own. I may explain why I think differently and back it up with examples from text, but I always hope I am a polite host in the inbox.

(and I may, for full transparency, make my own posts about my distaste for people propping up baby death eaters and misunderstanding the entire point of the series but hey - we are all allowed our opinions.)

But, at the end of the day, if someone tells me they think Hermione was the worst friend ever, that Barty Crouch Jr. was a sex god, or that Sirius was a dramatic little whiny baby, that's their cross to bear, not mine. I may not understand it. I may be baffled by it. I may wonder why our copies of the books are so different from each other to reach such radically different conclusions. But It does nothing to change how I interrupt the characters or think about the story.

Because in my heart I am this girl from Mean Girls:

[ciaossu-imagines]

hey for day 20 of the event, lets talk about homra! any unpopular opinions you have about characters or the clan itself? Any AUs or ocs?

Ohhh, you might get me into trouble here, haha! I do have some very unpopular opinions about HOMRA, haha. And you all know me well enough to know I have like, a thousand AU’s for these boys!

As far as unpopular opinions go, HOMRA? Most interesting clan, by fucking far.

But guys, spicy moment here for me? HOMRA? It’s a fucking gang. HOMRA IS A GANG. They do some shady and very violent things. They break into places, they rough up people (and it’s not always horrible people). They took a school hostage in the first season and yes, we know why they did it and there’s so much sympathy for them for losing Totsuka but again – they took an entire school hostage in their search for revenge. These boys are not angels, they are not white knights in shining armor, they are not even technically ‘good guys’. I think all the characters in HOMRA have great hearts deep down, are wonderful characters and I love them all but HOMRA is morally grey – they drink, they smoke, they swear, they commit violent acts. I really hate when people completely disregard that fact and woobify the boys into these righteous, saintly guys.

Going along with that, guys, Scepter 4 are not evil. They’re really, REALLY not. Technically they are a police force, they follow the law, they don’t run around committing violence unless tasked to. They’re not horrible, slimy gross people. Their biggest flaw is that they’re just REALLY fucking boring compared to HOMRA.

With that rant over…unpopular opinion that will get me stuck in the guillotine? Yata’s a little overrated. I do enjoy him, he’s a fantastic character, I either like him a lot or just feel favourably neutral on him. But he’s so goddamn huge in the K fandom, to such an extent, that he got boring to me. Someone says K and 85% of the time, they’ll be talking about Yata or talking about the Yata/Fushimi ship. 10% of the remaining time, they’re talking about Mikoto or Totsuka, and the following 5% is dedicated to the rest of the HOMRA boys and I’m part of that 5% haha. Yata? Fricking great character. He’s interesting, dynamic, his design is well done, he has some amazing scenes. Mikoto? Absolutely frigging spectacular, I love him. Totsuka? Despite how often I kill him, he was HOMRA’s glue and an absolutely underused character that I would have loved to see more of. But HOMRA has other members than those three and those other characters are just as well designed, interesting, and dynamic and while we mostly got them in spin-off media, I wish not only the fandom, but the creators had showed them more love.

Now onto something I love – AU’s. I have a shit ton of them for HOMRA. Recent ones I’ve thought of:

A beauty pageant for guys and HOMRA, as well as Scepter 4, being the contestants.

HOMRA as the Parachute Infantry Regiment or just a general company of soldiers(Yes, I have been rewatching Band of Brothers)

HOMRA as a male stripper troop

HOMRA having to save Christmas

HOMRA as an actual bar, the guys working there and the different customers and experiences they’d have

HOMRA working at a busy retail store

Vampire!HOMRA

Genderbent HOMRA! as magical girls

Preschool K with everyone being little kids in the same preschool

HOMRA horror movie AU! Both as what they'd be like in a horror movie and imagining them as actors filming a horror movie where weird shit starts happening.

As for OC’s…I have some self-inserty type OC’s, I’ll admit to that, but other than that, only two of them. There’s a brother, who tried out and got into HOMRA and his sister, who works as a nurse, who often gets called in to patch up the boys and god, she is so constantly fucking done with them all but still enjoys them.

[alittlefrenchtree]

3 4 9 16 17 18

Love ya.

Numbeeeeers 😍 Thank you, sweetheart 🤓

3- Pick a Sis’ to be your Sis’! June or Bea? 

Bea, I think. I'm not sure how to explain it with words, but I think I like her quiet vibes better for a family member? June would be the cool friend or something.

4- If you could keep only the book or only the movie, which one would you choose?

The movie. It might have everything to do with the fact that I saw the movie before reading the book but even if they both have flaws, the movie is more efficient for me.

9- If you had to delete the entire movie but one scene, which scene would you save?  

I'd save the New Year Eve. I like Alex and Henry's energies in this scene, they're very cute and funny and drunk!Alex is an absolute delight to watch (in every way).

16- Pick a line and/or a quote for each:

-You have to sell the book/movie to someone who doesn't know anything about it.

Who the hell wrote this question???

Oh it was easy, actually.

I knew it has to be a Zahra line. And one of her very first is actually perfect.

"You can hate prince Harry all you want, but the minute you see a camera, you better act like the sun shines out of his ass and you have a vitamin D deficiency."

It's efficient, you have both the humor and the ennemies to lovers plot so it's perfect.

-The quote that makes you the most emotional.

The Thisbe/Pyramus note would be my pick but it's not an original quote so...

"Sería una mentira, porque no sería él"

I like a lot of things about this line. The Spanish, what it says about not wanting someone to be a secret, about the kind of bullshit you hear about bisexuality and how it speaks about Alex's feelings.

-A quote/line that could be a life lesson to you.

I have two from the same scene.

I like A LOT, the "I'm allowed" from Henry because it's SO IMPORTANT to hear. To hear that even if you're talking to someone you madly love and who is madly in love with you, you're allowed to self-preservation and you should. Think of yourself first and not be ready to sacrifice everything for love without a second thought. Hearing that kind of thought in a romcom actually made me very happy. + I like how Nick delivered that line.

The second one feels like it should cancel to first one but, like always, I like the idea of finding balanced between the two :

"Nothing will ever happen to you. But Henry, nothing will ever happen to you."

17- Who is more in love with the other? Alex or Henry? (we know they’re both equally in love and idiots, just entertain your audience with some arguments to feed the international debate).

Pretty much agreeing with you on the answer here. Their love is very different, but I think Henry would win the debate overall. I haven't enough brain cells left today to justify with smart words but i know he would. Which probably also means Henry is the less balanced/healthy (for himself, mostly) in the relationship. Hopefully, as the fictional time goes on and on, he would be able to work on some of the issues.

18- You have to get a RWRB tattoo (either because you want one or because someone is threatening you and you have to get one to save your life). What do you choose? It can be anything! 

My first (and only) idea so far would be a tiny turkey in a very simple style.

Something like this, but cuter and very tiny (barely an inch). The scene is hilarious, I like their energies there (kind of like the new year eve) and mostly, it kind be linked to other things in my life, so it would be a ok tattoo. (i won't do it tho 😂)

💜

All the questions here!

[knightotoc]

So the final ep of Rings of Power came out yesterday, and I binged the whole season with my dad. Kind of a rough show to watch with him, since it's all about mean dads! How far this story has gone since Tolkien wrote it for his kids.

I went into it with low expectations, but it ended up disappointing me in compelling ways. Like Star Trek movies, the even-numbered episodes are better than the odd-numbered ones. Late-game reveals retroactively add some thrill, but can't go back in time to erase the initial tedium. The show has the same structural and characterizational flaws as last decade's LotR spinoff, the Hobbit trilogy: unrestrained emptiness in both showtime and our hero's brains. These goodguys are stupid, and their writers have even less respect for the audience.

But stupidity, while an unexpected legacy for the world's most overthought fictional setting, is not a killing blow to it. We've always had Pippin, after all. The thing that hurts, the thing that makes RoP unique, is indifference. These characters, with a handful of important exceptions, do not love each other. They certainly don't hate each other. They just don't care. In the first scene children destroy each other's toys, and nobody really grows out of that pointlessly selfish mindset.

Fight choreography is self-centered and nasty. Shot composition is lonely. Nobody talks to each other with the goal of actually communicating; they speak in dramatic pauses, anecdotes, twists and turns. At one point, a blind woman asks what has happened, and no one answers her. Her father died. Everyone else is too far inside their own feelings to tell the person for whom that matters most.

The leadership and general population of the elves, dwarves, and humans are bigoted isolationists. The villains, a host of orcs who wear cool skulls on their heads like Cubone, display far more fellowship and joie de vivre than any group we're supposed to like. They even call their leader Dad, and, by this show's standards, he's above-average at that role.

But the most shocking intrusion of indifference is with the horrible nomadic harfoots. You know how ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten? I don't think they know about ohana, Pip. These cultish hobbit-knockoffs condemn anyone who misbehaves, and their family, to the back of the group when they migrate. If not for some supernatural help, our plucky heroine would apparently have gotten picked off in the night by the cruel forces of nature. If the hobbits had been anything like the harfoots, the only logical message of the original story would have been "Fuck the Shire."

But I said there were important exceptions. Of the multiple subplots, at least two revolve around genuine affection, and at least one of those is actually cool and fun. Firstly, there is the grand romance of sexy elf Arondir and lovely human Bronwyn, original characters who have to drag around his lazy coworkers, her stupid neighbors, and a cute kid.

Secondly, there is the rekindled friendship of conflicted dwarf prince Durin and ambitious half-elf Elrond...who is not only my favorite character in LotR but one of my favorite characters in anything, so I am happy to report that he slays in this one. And in the end, for me, that's all that really matters.

Durin and Elrond's friendship is not only beautiful on its own, but it shines all the brighter among the cynicism and apathy that characterizes the rest of this show. After some genuinely great shenanigans, Elrond starts to give Durin a literal elevator pitch about some bullshit. Suddenly, Durin tearfully confronts Elrond with the fact that, though they used to be friends, Elrond missed Durin's wedding and the birth of two of his children. Elrond is taken aback -- after all, twenty years is much shorter for an elf than any other being. He apologizes. They hang out. They take a vow on the mountain. They defend each other to their shitty kings, at the risk of their own futures. Durin almost tells Elrond his true name, and Elrond's like, "Save it for Heaven." They cry because they wuv each other so much. It fucking rules. Eat your hearts out, Legolas and Gimli.

Unfortunately Elrond's not a dad yet -- he's a little baby who looks like a combination of Hermey and MatPat (pictured) -- so the proportion of bad dads to good dads remains overwhelmingly poor. The only actually good one was the one who sat next to me while we endured this terrible production.

[antibioware]

how would you rate the lotr + hobbit movies, from 1 to 5 stars?

TIME TO REWRITE THESE RATINGS AS I REWATCH (in January 2024) THESE BECAUSE LAST YEAR MY ANSWERS SUCKED.

Lord of the Rings:

The Fellowship of the Ring - 4 stars. I think this movie has a marvelous introduction to Middle Earth and its lore without ever resulting tedious, I absolutely adore the way they worked around Arwen characters to make her more involved in the plot and more interesting overall. While I don't agree with all narrative choices and tiny lore imperfections bother more than they should (WHY DOES GIMLI CALL MORIA "MORIA" FOR ONCE IT'S AN ELVISH NAME) this movie is insane. Boromir's death makes me cry ugly to this day. Only real flaw it has is that because the FotR book is really slow and at times a little boring, the movie feels also slow at times.

The Two Towers - 4,5 stars. THE BATTLE OF HELM'S DEEP. THE ATTACK ON ISENGARD. This movie is packed with good interactions faithful to the text, wonderful action scenes, and most important of all, Eowyn is there. It's probably the closest all the movies get to the books. I love the portrayal of the Rohirrim. Not a full 5 stars again for the Gimli slander, I really can't stand the fact that this is the movie where he decided to make him a fully comic relief character. Also I love Legolas surfing a shield while he shoots enemies, 10/10.

The Return of the King - 4 stars. This movie is wonderful, makes me cry every time I rewatch it but by god the ENDING NEVER COMES. My girlfriend and I rewatched the whole extended trilogy a couple years ago and we both nodded off for a good half an hour during the very last bit of the movie, and when we woke back up, Aragorn was yet to be crowned. Not a full five stars because they cut out the scene where Eomer finds Eowyn on the battlefield and thinks her dead from the released version, despite it being the best, most heartwrenching scene in the movies. I do love the "what about side by side with a friend" scene but it doesn't fix the fact that Peter Jackson pretty much saw Legolas and Gimli's relationship in the books, spit on it and replaced it with Legolas and Aragorn instead. Personal gripes aside, this movie deserves all the recognition it got.

The Hobbit (sigh):

An Unexpected Journey - 2,5 stars. This is probably the best one of the trilogy, because it's the only one that mostly follows the book and has fun, light scenes, where the rest of the movies tend to get overserious for no reason. They butchered the HELL out of Dwarven lore and managed to avoid having to characterize any dwarf that wasn't Thorin despite having 12 others to work with, many of which are RELATED to Thorin. I hate Martin Freeman's ugly dog face so much still, but I can admit sometimes his Bilbo works, I just have a personal bias against it. I love Richard Armitage as Thorin and to me he's the shining jewel of the trilogy, BUT I hate his shorn beard and how young he looks. Thorin is OLD, he's an old king without a kingdom, he's bitter and he's proud, the characterization is decent enough but it really feels like they made him ""hot"" and closer looking to a human just because he's a character of relevance - same thing with Kili, by the way. Also I hate a movie about dwarves that treats the lot of them like comic reliefs.

The Desolation of Smaug - 1,5 stars. This movie is BORING. I literally can't stand to watch it fully because my eyes start watering from boredom. So many useless introductions to characters that don't matter at all, especially the Elves outside of Thranduil. If I love what FotR did with Arwen, I absolutely despise that they only female character they add to the movie is not only boring and uninteresting, she's also just some guy's love interest - AND TO MAKE A ELF/DWARF ROMANCE BORING TO ME IT REALLY MEANS YOU BOTCHED THE HELL OUT OF IT. The only scenes that I like in the movies are the ones with Smaug. Bilbo talking to him? Good stuff. The whole chase scene is insanely stupid but it's kinda genius? absolutely. Calling a dragon stupid and fat and splashing it with molten gold truly does solve problems. The rating could have been higher if I didn't hate the whole deal with Tauriel and Legolas so fucking much. Why is Legolas in this movie dear fucking god I love him but I genuinely think he makes it worse just in virtue of being there. Also THRAIN DOESN'T MENTION HIS DAUGHTER DIS IN HIS LAST WORDS FUCK THIS THIS MOVIE IS STUPID.

The Battle of the Five Armies - 2 stars. This movie sucks BUT I don't completely hate the portrayal of Dwarves in this one and Dàin Ironfoot's presence makes the whole movie shine. Last time I said this was my favourite and I was wrong, I just like Thorin, the movie is so stupid it's insane, it went so far away from The Hobbit but it doesn't stand well enough on its own. The whole deal with the Necromancer works so poorly compared to the insane zigzag of alternating POVs in The Two Towers, it feels shoehorned in there and it doesn't fit, it detracts from y know the BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES. I love Thorin's death scene so much but all the other ones felt so cheap in comparison. Also gonna be controversial but the gaybaiting was tasty, and imo no one would have liked the movies weren't it for the decision to give Bilbo and Thorin a could have been something relationship. It really feels like they added it to make tumblr give it some shipping attention. The scene of Thranduil telling Legolas to "go north and find the Dúnedain" is so funny GO NORTH WHERE. NORTH OF EREBOR? TO FIND ARAGORN WHO AT THE TIME WAS A FUCKING CHILD AND LIVING IN FUCKING RIVENDELL? FUCK YOU AND YOUR LEGOLAS/ARAGORN AGENDA PETER JACKSON.

I can't believe what I said last year I need to stop writing stuff when my "fandom brain" is online

[teetant-meetant-neetle-teetlz]

Another headcanon this morning because I made this account and I’m damn well gonna use it:

Now, I love 2k12. I really, really do. I. LOVE. 2k12.  Idk which iteration is my favorite per-say, I don’t know if it’s 2k12, but I do still love it to this day whilst still admitting and acknowledging all the writing flaws of the series (Wow! You can still love something AND criticize it?! What a shock!). 

But I will never for the rest of my life forgive what the writers did to Donnie (and extension, April -_-; ). I won’t get into it here, this is not what this headcanon is about, but just know I despise 2k12 April and I will never forgive what the writers did to my love, Donnie.

Something I’ve always thought that they should’ve done (I mean there’s a lot, but just one thing:) is that in the episode where the gang is ambushed by those... Psychedelic nightmare shrooms in the sewers and are forced to face one of their nightmares, I REALLY wish we could’ve got something more... In depth for Donnie. Everyone else’s was some show of their character, even if Raph’s was kind of comedic, it still shows a part of him, Oh “big tough guy” is scared of cockroaches! He’s not AS tough as he seems! Y’know?

But for Donnie, we of course got, “Uwaaaah April doesn’t like me T_T My life is Ovvverrrrrrr T_T” Absolutely awful. 

What I wish it was instead was not just April not accepting him, but possibly humanity on its own.

I have this feeling for ALL Donnies, (and it is MOST visible in the Bay movies- ((YES I LOVE THE BAY MOVIES BUT WE WILL NOT TALK ABOUT THAT HERE-))) that he/they wants to be accepted by humanity the most out of all of his family. Maybe not for the same reasons as Raph or Mikey may, but because...

Donnie has no one else to talk to to understand himself or his ideas or creations. It’s not necessarily that Donnie wants to help advance humanity, and it’s not that he hates being what or who he is, he just wants someone else to talk to who can understand him. He wants to speak to other scientists and creators, other professors and scholars. This again is evident in all Donnies, I feel. 

He loves his family, and again, he doesn’t HATE being a mutant turtle, he just dislikes being the only ‘smart one’ around and feeling like no one cares about his creations or effort. And, this is once again another thing I will not get into here, Donnie has done SO MUCH for his family and has never been thanked or rewarded for it. The reason they have clean running water or technology, entertainment and comfort is all because of Donnie.  Something breaks? Donnie’ll fix it.  Want something made for entertainment, training, or fighting purposes? Donnie’ll make it. 

So not only in 2k12 does he never really get... Thanked for what he does, he’s never asked about it or has anyone shown any interest in it. 

So, he wishes he could be accepted more above ground.  I feel like this is actually evident later in the series. I can’t remember the whole Vivioso(??) incident (I DO REMEMBER THE NEAR MURDER THOUGH OOOUGH THAT WAS SO GOOD-) but I do remember Donnie being angry that mutants were targeted, and for what reason?

If I were to change that episode, I would make Donnie’s fear being him caught on the surface, surrounded by humans who start throwing insults at him. Speaking down to him, calling him a freak or weirdo. 

As he reaches out to Casey and April for help, (his only two human friends), they also turn on him with disgust and hatred, calling him names and telling him that they never REALLY liked him, they just liked what he could DO for them. They were just USING him, you never thought they’d actually be friends with a FREAK, did you?

I think that would’ve shined a lot more and made us really take a step back to look at Donnie’s character. His inner emotions, his inner wants and needs. 

To be able to share his ideas with the world. To be accepted for his brains, and for what he is.

[dachi-chan25]

So i finally watched It chapter 2...

DISCLAIMER: So I know most of y'all don't like anyone to critizise anything u like, right of the bat I am telling u I did NOT liked this movie at all, there are changes I thought were good ideas but most of it was just plain terrible in MY opinion and I need to vent. If u share my opinión or find my rage amusing read on.

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I had been putting off watching this movie, cuz in 2017 I enjoyed the 1st IT movie but I had a TON of issues with it (Mike's complete erasure, Stan being a completely different character, The Losers Club moments being sacrificed to cool sounding one-liners, WTF happened to Henry Bowers and Alvin Marsh, Bev being overly sexualized, etc, etc) so I was on the fence about this one. The cast is what finally caught my attention but then I heard very mixed reviews about it, and as I am starting on a new job I hadn't had the time to go and watch it til now and oh boy was I disappointed.

First off, we have to ask ourselves was Adrian Melon's murder scene really that necessary??? I understand what they used it for in the movie (to make a R3ddi3 reference /as a side note I do not care for the ship or any other IT ship tbh i write it like this cuz i don't want this post to invade the ship tag) but the characters involved are never mentioned again and it was too gratuitous (like we can have a homophobic hate crime, slurs thrown around all the time but we can't have the gay ship this movie was going for saying they love each other in a straightforward manner??? I know this is an unpopular opinion but I am not giving Muschietti props for doing the gay closeted ship for the 1000th time, if u were gonna do it go for it!!! Do right by the characters, hell in the book they get more tenderness and they are never explicitly gay, Eddie is heavily coded as gay or asexual and Richie is super bisexual) like my queer ass is tired of seeing gay ppl die in violent gruesome ways all the time.

While I love Bill Skarsgard's performance, the excess of CGI and all those jumpscares and strobe lights, actually take away from his performance, he is super scary and eerie when he is talking and even being friendly but super hillarious and plain silly when he is actually trying to be scary or when he is eating, it looked too wierd.

TBH whyyy was Tom Rogan in this?? Muschietti had already changed Alvin Marsh from being physically violent to being a sexual predator (everything they changed from Bev took away from her character, like we can have her smoking and flirting w Mr Keene but we can't have her teaching Richie how to use his yo-yo or winning in a fucking video game or drawing or anything that remotely has to do with her character) why was Tom necessary?? Hell we could have skipped that and have Bev in Kay's house telling her all that happened instead, I mean if he wasn't gonna die in the sewer why is he even a character? It was so easy to erase him and have Kay instead. Also how tf did Alvin survive???

Whyyy do that to Audra??? I fucken hate Muschietti, was it necessary to justify Bill cheating on her??? Nope, we could have simply have Bill not kiss Beverly and that’s it, also I am kinda salty Audra is not part of the plot.

Lmao Henry, like he fell on the fucken pipe and you could hear his fucken bones breaking and craking and he gets to get up and walk home????????? Whyyy y y , Muschietti ????

We never really got to see how deeply ingrained Pennywise is in the town, he is actually Derry. And if Muschietti thinks he fixed the wtf ending everyone complained about in the 90's adaptation he is on fucken drugs, this ending is super messed up and has nothing to do with the book or with anything at all, we never get to know what exactly is Pennywise, his true form it's a clown spider apparently or something cuz the death lights were there but not really ???

STAN was fucken robbed (again) last time he was completely ereased, he was physically there on the scenes but that’s it, his personality was null. And his thing, the thing that made him comit suicide was the fact that he was the one to see the death lights, the most logical and disbelieving of them faced something far beyond anyone's comprehension and they gave that to Bev?? And the death lights apparently gave her Final Destination abilities? ?????

Eddie was robbed. Of so so much. Muschietti fuck you. Frist off why isn't Eddie the CEO of some app like Uber like he was the Losers Club compass he was a great fucking driver, he loved sports (I actually got excited when they had this scene with the baseball game cuz i thought it was gonna be an Eddie scene but nope) y not connect that with this Token bs Muschietti pulled off his ass (this is actually a great idea, and could symbolize the Losers' lost childhood IF Muschietti had been assed to give them significance or something in part 1) His death scene. Just why? Why are his last words a cheap joke instead of a love confession, fuck it Muschietti if u wanted R3ddi3 have the courage to really do it (in the books the Losers take turns to carry his body out of the sewer cuz they will not leave him there, that's more meaningful than them diving) One of his most beautiful quotes is something Bill is writing??? Lmaoooo Bill wishes he could have thought up that (I love Bill but come the fuck on)

Why make such a huge deal out of B3nv3rly or r3ddi3 when the point of it all was that the Losers Club all loved each other, apart from whatever romantic feelings, they found a family in one another and they really erased that in this movie, I was like y are this ppl friends with each other. Mike drugged Bill, Richie was awfull to everyone, they barely had a conversation in the restaurant (biihhh the 90s miniseries does this better) and show no respect for Mike at all ( I mean I am not surprised cuz Muschietti has no respect for Mike as a character at all) or bill like nah son.

Stephen King cameo was there I guess, it was fine.

The Kiss me fat boy, of all things u could have taken from the 90's miniseries why that?????

Ben building the house club by himself ???? Bullshit, Muschietti ereased another great Losers Club bonding time and hate him for it.

MIKE, I AM ENRAGED. So Muschietti is braver than King for making R3ddi3 "canon" but he destroyed Mike's entire character and that is fine with y'all mmmmm. His parents were "crackheads" apparently cuz it's not like that is a stereotype black ppl have carried on for years on end, he did not go to school, he was not the historian but now he is cuz he had to stay and he is crazy and obsesive and drugs Bill and also stole from a native american tribe???? FUCK this so fucken much I hate it with all my being .

How does such a choppy movie manage to drag on forever??? Like there were still 45 Min left and I was bored out of my mind. Why is the final arc so bad??? Like some much stuff that could have actually gotten away with erasing (Paul Bunyan, whyyy it was so silly, it doesn't even work in the book, but fine like King was super high he barely remembers writing it, why take it to the big screen u should have sticked to him being afraid of clowns like u had already messed up) and added and could have added things that actually enriched the adaptation.

I just give up. Like if they do a 3rd one like it's rumored I won't see it, Muschietti clearly does not know how to be subtle or to have meaningful character arcs, he is just good for cheap jumpscares, one líners and yo mama jokes so I pass. I really hoped the up coming King adaptations are better than this one. That being said the movie had real fun/enjoyable moments, if this were not an adaptation I would have liked it a hella lot more than I did but alas nope.

[lobotomy-maybe-bestie]

anyway hi so the triplets and the cool colour sisters mirror each other

pepa mirrors isabela: "so much hides behind my smile" "what could i do if i just knew it didn't need to be perfect, it just needed to be? and they'd let me be? " "a little just won't do" "i wanna feel the shiver of something new, i'm so sick of pretty, i want something true, don't you?" "how far can i rise, through the roof, to the skies, let's go!" "what can you do when you are deeply, madly, truly in the moment?" "making waves, changing minds" "what else can i do? (show 'em what you can do) what else can i do? (there's nothing you can't do)"

pepa mirrors isabela, but instead of perfection, the focus is on repression. pepa is basically told to smile and keep any emotion that is not peaceful and quiet away. plus her feelings are literally always on show, she can't quietly be angry in a corner bc her anger would manifest in thunder. imagine being five years old and being mad at something, throwing a tantrum because that's what five year olds DO and then your mother tells you that if you don't calm down you'll destroy all the crops in the village and then we won't have anything to eat. imagine you're really really furious and when you calm down and go outside you see someone's house has collapsed because of you. teenage pepa must have REALLY repressed all of her emotions. and then imagine her, for the first time, actually letting go and leaning into what she's truly feeling, learning that she can do so much, control the direction of her outbursts so much BETTER when she just lets her emotions sweep her off her feet (i imagine she can probably make the wind strong enough to make her and her siblings fly around)

julieta mirrors luisa: "i don't ask how hard the work is" "under the surface i'm pretty sure i'm worthless if i can't be of service" "a flaw or a crack, a straw in the stack that breaks the camel's back, what breaks the camel's back?" "give it to your sister, your sister's older" "who am i if i can't carry it all, if i falter?" "under the surface i hide my nerves and it worsens, i worry something is gonna hurt us " "under the surface i think about my purpose, can i somehow preserve this? " "give it to your sister, it doesn't hurt and see if she can handle every family burden" "who am i if i don't have what it takes? no cracks, no breaks, no mistakes, no pressure"

julieta mirrors luisa, not in literal strength but in composure and availability. julieta has to be there when someone gets hurt. she can't take a day off or decide to not cook or bake anything for a while, she HAS to do all this work bc if she didn't it would be selfish because people would be suffering longer than they need to when she could instantly stop their pain. she's in a terrible situation morally speaking. also i feel like there is a lot of pressure on her to be "the oldest" because she's the most mature even though they're all the same age and she just had to grow up the fastest. she isn't allowed to do anything for herself because she's so busy helping everyone else and everyone relies so much on her. (also i like thinking about her yelling at her siblings only for them to give her a BIG hug when they realise what she's going through)

bruno mirrors mirabel: "don't be upset or mad at all, don't feel regret or sad at all" "hey, i'm still a part of the family madrigal " "i will stand on the side as you shine" "i can't take another night up in my room, waiting on a miracle" "i can't heal what's broken, can't control the morning rain or a hurricane, can't keep down the unspoken, invisible pain" "always walking alone" "open your eyes, open your eyes" "someone please just let me know where do i go?" "i would heal what's broken, show this family something new" "am i too late for a miracle?"

bruno mirrors mirabel. yes he has a gift but he feels like he's useless, like he just makes everything worse. the way his power works in the movie means what he sees will 100% happen and he hates not being able to fix or change anything like his siblings, he's the odd one, the black sheep of the family and he's probably really desperately hoping that he'll be good for SOMETHING at some point, that he can actually use his gift for something that HELPS his family (imagine him at like ~15 years old after another bad vision that the town blames him for when it comes true, storming to his room after his mother told him if he can't figure out how to use his gift in a helpful way it was wasted on him)

[swamp-cats-den]

Now that Thirteen's run is coming to an end, I've figured out what bothered me about those at times enjoyable, but never satisfying seasons the most. For all his attempts to emulate Russell T Davis, Chibnall failed to grasp what made the former showrunner's writing so appealing to many people - the philosophy of the series. Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that it was perfect during the RTD 's 'golden days', the way he explored ideas could also be flawed, inconsistent and deserving of criticism. But it was always there, and it was very specific. Meanwhile, the Chibnall's era just leaves you with the feeling of gaping void in that regard.

In Season 1-4, we see a broken ex-soldier, who is so traumatized by the war he adopts a very loud anti-violent stance. And often is a total hypocrite whose mercy can be a cruelty. But that's how trauma combined with coming from a very prideful, condescending society works. Being in pain is not a pretty picture, and the Doctor goes through lots of it on a regular basis as he has to make impossibly difficult decisions.

That's where the writing, in my opinion, often shined and that's what used to distinguish Doctor Who from many other similar series or movies. Death and destruction of the enemy were on par, but they rarely if ever felt triumphant. The Doctor would go on a suicide mission to the Sontaran spaceship to give them a warning about setting off the bomb unless they left, knowing, of course, that they wouldn't. That was the behaviour of a person who understood what the consequence of such actions would look like, who'd experienced too much loss to take even the demise of a ruthless enemy lightly.

And that's why I hated Thirteen agreeing to destroy all the Daleks, Sontarans and Cybermen so much. I know lots of people say they deserved to die, but was Doctor Who ever about getting one's just desserts? There's so much wrong with this kind of writing it's hard to even begin to explain. First of all, who the fuck could get so lucky that all their enemies would gather at the same time in one place to be wiped out by an unstoppable force, leaving the hero both with their hands clean and their nemesis crushed? It's the laziest cop-out I've ever seen. For all the talk of morality being the Doctor's strong suit (what kind of morality? what did you mean by morality? who thought that line was a good idea?), she faces no moral dilemmas.

Wiping out all the enemies is bad not because the Doctor isn't a killer (she certainly is), but because there is no gravity behind her choice. Of course, we know all of them will come back, but the characters should feel like the won't. On the other hand, why bother with the demise of some Daleks if Thirteen seems not to give a fuck about losing half the Universe to the Flux. And that's after the villians of the finale have made a whole speech about how her personal philosophy was 'keeping things alive'. Not mention it sounded completely idiotic, can't believe all those talanted actors had to say that nonsense.

I used to complain about Chibnall spoon-feeding the viewer the ideas in his episodes dealing with social problems, but now I think he's likely not to have any strong views regarding those issues and was just incorporating what was popular and talked about at the moment. That's why his takes felt so superficial. His Doctor Who is about nothing. And don't get me started on the imperialism thing, if you want to see some actual exploration of it in the fantasy/sci-fi setting, go read the Baru Cormorant series or something.

For me, RTD's era was about a character who saw the potential for goodness and change in even the worst, and despite their life being painful, never failed to appreciate the beauty of the Universe. The protagonist rediscovered it through the eyes of other people, as it was never just the Doctor showing the world to the companions. Chibnall has shrunk that Universe to one single person, his Timeless child, and, ironically, still has no interest in exploring her depths. His show is about getting from point A to point B, with the protagonist's perfunctory interactions to explain how they'll reach there.

[mandoclan]

SWEET HOME KENTUCKY // Jack Daniels (Agent Whiskey) x F!Reader

A/N: 14.8k. Yes, this is a spinoff of Sweet Home Alabama. I love that movie and I love Whiskey, so here you go! This is Jack Daniels x Female!Reader, but there’s no Y/N mention (unless I missed one).

Warnings: Character Death (mentioned in passing), Fluff, Angst, Divorce, Physical Abuse (a punch and a tight grip), Drinking, Drunkenness, (basically, if you’ve seen the movie, I’ve deviated but no more than normal).

She still dreamed about that night. The one where Jack took her out to the meadow behind his mama’s house and told her he wanted to marry her one day. To which she asked, “Why would you want to marry me for anyhow?” and he replied, “So I can kiss you anytime I want.” Her first kiss. Her first love. And they were only twelve at the time.

It didn’t come as a shock to her when Jack had asked her to marry him right out of high school. She was his first love, after all, and Jack swore he’d loved her since before he ever kissed her in that meadow. But then he never showed up to their reception because he was still drunk from his “bachelor party” the night before, he was always gone on missions and attempted to stop her from doing the same even when they worked for the same intelligence agency, and she eventually got shot in the head in a mission gone wrong, resulting in medical having to use Alpha-gel on her to bring her back.

That fatal injury had broken her and it had broken Jack too. He hadn’t been able to protect his own wife when she was his partner, and that killed him inside. After that, he became almost overbearing in his protectiveness and you’d eventually asked Champagne for a transfer after a whole year of turmoil in your home, explosive fights, and missions spent arguing. Champ loved you and Jack like his own kids and wanted you and your husband to fix this, but he did as you asked and you’d transferred to New York without telling Jack with the instructions that if he were to ask that Champ would tell him that you were safe and in another Statesman office.

That’s where you found yourself now, leading the New York office after the last agent had retired. You’d built up your reputation from scratch, leading missions and directing agents in the Northeast region of the United States. You kept in touch with Champ barely, but it had been seven years since you left Kentucky. You refused to even think about Jack unless you were sending another copy of the divorce papers or unless you had that damn dream about the meadow again.

You woke to the sound of your office door opening, and you lifted your head from the desk you occupied on the top floor.

“How come you let me sleep?” You grumbled to your assistant when he stepped into the room with a mug of coffee and a mission report from one of your top operatives.

“You needed it, boss, but it was only for a few minutes. Long enough for me to grab your coffee and fetch the report from downstairs.” He shrugged. “Y’know, that accent of yours gets a whole lot thicker when you’re dreaming.”

That boy had the audacity to smirk before you narrowed your eyes at him.

“And what exactly did I say?” You demanded.

“That I’m gonna get a raise when you realize how awesome I am.”

“We’ll see how good your coffee skills are, then.” You laughed, finally smiling at him through your exhaustion. In all reality, you liked this kid. He’d just been assigned to you and hadn’t earned his agent name yet, but you had a feeling he would do just fine and you already had plans to promote him come next quarter.

“Enjoy.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, “I’ll see you tomorrow for that meeting in the conference room, alright?”

The kid agreed and you nodded at him before making your way to the elevators.

Your apartment on the lower levels of the Statesman New York building was modest, but well-lived in. You’d wanted to make it seem as much like home as possible. This time, however, your apartment wasn’t as empty as usual. The entire entryway and living room were filled with rose petals and rose bouquets in glasses of water.

“Goddamn that man,” you swore, stepping around the petals and heading to the panel you had on the wall where an orange light was blinking, signifying you had a waiting message. A button was pressed and suddenly your boyfriend’s voice filled the room.

“There’s a rose for every moment I thought of you last night. God, you must be exhausted. Sweetie, listen, I’ll see you tomorrow at our meeting. You’ll do great. I love you. Bye.” The message ended and you rolled your eyes before heading over to the largest of the bouquets.

You loved your boyfriend, Agent Rum, but this was too much. You hated huge, sappy gestures like this and he knew it, but you supposed it was a bit sweet. Very few other ladies you knew had such attentive men at their sides and Jack had never done anything remotely like this. A sharp breath was inhaled in an attempt to nix that thought from your mind before you headed to your front door and made your way to the ladies’ dorms. You left an embarrassingly big bouquet in front of each door and sighed in satisfaction once you’d swept up and removed most of the flowers in your apartment.

_________________________________________________________________

The meeting you’d scheduled came sooner than you’d liked, this being a collaboration between the Texas office and your own New York one. Rum walked in and kissed your forehead before the meeting could even start and you smiled at him. He could always brighten your day in an instant.

“Thanks for the flowers, babe.” You smiled at him, squeezing his hand in yours. He grinned, asking if you really liked them, and kissed you before sitting in his spot along with a few of your other agents. You both slipped on your glasses and started the meeting, knowing that you could talk properly once the collaboration was agreed upon.

It felt like hours went by before all positions were assigned and the intel was decided upon. You groaned once you were able to remove the glasses needed to see everyone in their remote locations, rubbing your temples. Hands were felt on your shoulders, and you knew it was Rum. Your glasses blinked a light on the side and you sighed, placing them back on your face.

The blinking was due to a message from Agent AppleJack, one of your own agents whom you’d taken a shine to and often spent weekends going about the city with. She was a nice girl from Maine who had an affinity for seafood you couldn’t quite get behind, but you’d consider her one of the closest friends you had in this city.

“Please tell me he has a flaw somehow.” She had typed out. You rolled your eyes before moving your eyes on the on-screen keyboard to type a reply.

“He asked me to go to California for Christmas.”

“He’s gonna ask you a lot more than that,” was her reply.

“You think so?” You were suddenly nervous. You’d only been dating Rum for six months and your divorce still wasn’t finalized.

“Sweetie, let’s go for a walk.” Rum took you from your conversation, and you nodded, slipping the glasses back off your face. “You’re so stressed, but you did so well today.”

You both made your way to the elevator, hand in hand, and eventually you meandered around Central Park just talking about your jobs and how your last missions went. You rarely went on them anymore, but you made sure that Rum had as many as he liked to keep him happy.

“So have you made a decision?” He finally asked, bright eyes boring into yours.

“About what?” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“California.”

“Babe, California? That’s four months from now. We don’t even have to decide right now because we can literally jump on any jet we have and go within 6 hours if we want.”

“I was thinking maybe 200 guests, tops.” Rum continued in his words, but you stopped him with a pull to his hand.

“For Christmas?” You asked, still very confused. “Rum, are you on some kind of medication I don’t know about? Should I take you off of field duty for a bit? Did you get shot or something?”

All of a sudden, Rum was kneeling in front of you in the middle of a pathway in Central Park, and everything finally made sense. He held a diamond ring in his hand, the light hitting it just right and you gasped.

“Brandy, and I should probably know your real name by now, will you marry me?”

“Are you sure? Because if you’re not sure we can just go back to work and forget all about this. It’s only been six months.” You floundered, not even sure what to say, but he looked so hopeful and you really did love him.

“Brandy, I love you. I didn’t come by this decision lightly, and I really hope you’ll say yes. I want to build a life with you.” Rum stood, looking you right in your eyes. “So, I’ll ask again. Brandy, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

You nodded, not trusting your voice and felt the ring slip on your finger. It felt strange, another ring being there, but you were suddenly overcome with joy that your life was finally falling into place and you had a man who loved you and wanted to build a life with you. That’s all you could ask for. So you kissed him.

He grinned once you’d let yourselves out of his arms and released him from your kiss, hand reaching for his agency-issue watch.

“I’ve got to tell my family.” He gushed, “Wait until you see the look on the guy’s faces!”

“Babe, do you mind if we keep this to ourselves for a while? With this collaboration mission with Texas happening and everything else, I’d rather just keep this quiet for a bit.”

“You don’t want to tell your family?” Rum asked, a bit confused. You cursed yourself in your mind because he didn’t know. The only person close to being a family to you was Champ, and you hadn’t really talked to him in ages. Close to seven years, actually, which was downright awful. The guilt gnawed at you.

“Sunshine, I don’t really, um, have a family.” You stated calmly, fingers soothing the back of his hand as he pulled a face.

“But—” he started.

“I have a mentor who I looked up to as a father, but I haven’t seen him in about seven years. I think I should tell him in person.”

“Okay, whatever you want, sweetie. I’m happy as long as you’re happy.” Rum smiled, and you sighed in relief.

“He’ll love you, eventually.” You reassured him.

_________________________________________________________________

First thing the next morning, you caught a plane down to Kentucky and found yourself driving along the battered country roads to the little farmhouse where you and Jack used to live. Your watch buzzed with an incoming call, but you didn’t answer, knowing it was AppleJack. You’d fill her in later.

You parked the car next to the oak tree that still held your swing. A dog came rushing down the steps, howling at you, but you didn’t mind. It was your dog, after all. A tall man in heavy work boots busted out the door, hollering at the dog and telling you that “he don’t really bite.”

The man looked at you without really seeing you, seeing only a woman in worn out cowboy boots and aviators covering much of her face. Her hair was different, so she didn’t really expect him to recognize her.

“What can I do for you?” The man drawled in his southern accent. You shuddered, not forgetting the way that voice sounded when you were in bed together at all times of day or night.

“Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.” You snapped, pulling the sunglasses off your face. Jack’s eyes widened once your words registered. “C’mon, Jack, I mean it. The joke’s over. We need to finish this so I can get back to my office and take care of my job.”

“You’re shittin’ me, right?” Jack spluttered.

You finally got a good look at him. He had shaving cream on the side of his face as if he hadn’t got a chance to finish before your hound was howling, but he’d kept his mustache. You hated to say that he looked good, but it was the truth. The years had been kind to him.

“You know, I’ve never actually understood that expression, but no, I’m not “shitting” you.” You groaned, pulling a packet of papers out of the glovebox of your rented truck and spreading them out in the bed. “Look, it’s even got these idiot proof tabs so you can’t mess this up. I’ve got one copy for you and I both and one for my lawyer. So c’mon.”

When you looked up at him again, he didn’t say anything but he certainly looked like he had quite a few things to say.

“Well?” You demanded, irritated that he wasn’t coming down off the porch to sign the papers like you’d asked him to.

“You show up here after seven years without so much as a ‘Hey there, Jack, remember me? Your wife?’ Or a “Hi, honey, lookin’ good! How’s the family?’” He had the audacity to laugh, finally stepping closer to the edge of the porch.

“You expect me to tell you that you look good? Bless your heart. Sweetheart, we’ve been separated for seven years. I’ve had it with your bullshit.”

“They like that attitude wherever it is you’ve been?”

“Cut the crap, Jack. You knew where I was. Champ told me you accessed my records.” You spat, moving closer to the porch. “And don’t you dare tell me you’ve spent all this time missing me.”

“Oh I missed you alright, but I’ve been going to the range more and practicing so my aim’s gotten a lot better.” He drawled, leaning against the railing.

“Is that a threat, Jack? I’ve got a lawyer who charges me an arm and a leg. He charged me every time you sent these damn papers back without your signature on the dotted lines.” You lifted the papers as you spoke, but he scoffed at you.

“Well, I’m glad to see you got the message.” He smirked, going to say something else but you were both cut off by the dog howling again due to your hostile tones.

“Shut up, Coal!” You shouted, but Jack shouted a different name. “What happened to my dog, Jack?”

“He died. You weren’t here.” He grumbled, turning to go back into the ranch house. You stood there in shock for a second before realizing what he was doing.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“I’m leaving!” He shouted, back turned to you, “You done it, so you should recognize the process. I need to finish shaving my damn beard.”

“Jack, can we please just keep this civilized? For God’s sake, we’re both adults and agents. Please just sign the papers so I can go back home.” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. This was a mistake, you thought. He wasn’t going to sign the papers.

“What do you know from home?” Jack spit, finally turning around to face you, fire in his eyes. “Hell, I bet Champ doesn’t even know you’re here, does he? That old man took you under his wing and trained you himself and you have the audacity to avoid him like he’s some annoyance?”

“That’s my business, Jack, so you stay out of it.”

“Honey, he’s the only family you got.”

“Don’t you ‘honey’ me, honey!” If looks could kill, he’d have died about ten times by now with the murderous look you were giving him.

“Get your ass back in that truck, drive over and see him, and maybe we’ll talk after.” Jack demanded, pointing his finger at your vehicle. He was headed back inside before you could even think, and you started shouting at him as you followed him up the porch.

“Jack, you idiotic, stubborn, no good agent! The only reason you won’t sign these papers is because I want you to!” You yelled, hands on the doorknob of the windowed door he’d just slammed in your face and locked.

“Wrong!” He shouted, trying to pull the blinds on the door that he could never get figured out. “The only reason I ain’t signin’ is because you’ve turned into some hoity-toity, wine-drinking, Yankee bitch and I’d like nothing better right now than to piss you off!”

He finally maneuvered the blinds mostly over the door as you dashed to the back of the house, but he locked that too before you had a chance to get there in time. He could hear your frustrated shout from outside and he chuckled in disbelief before heading to his bathroom to get rid of the rest of his beard.

“Divorce, my ass.” He grumbled. Jack came out two minutes later, wiping his face with a towel to find you lounging on his bed. He froze.

“Hey genius,” you smirked, anger still evident in your eyes. “Next time you wanna lock somebody out, make sure they don’t know where the spare key is.” You waved the offending object in the air, and Whiskey made a mad dash for it but you closed your fist before he could snatch it.

“Knew I should’ve changed those damn locks. It’d be nice if my wife had told me where the spare key was!” He growled.

“I’m not your wife anymore, Jack.” You said softly, “I’m just the first girl that climbed in the back of your truck. But you’re right, I have changed. I don’t even know the girl you married anymore.”

“Then let me remind you.” Jack sneered before grabbing his cell phone and heading back into his bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Ten minutes later, Jack popped his head out of the bathroom.

“You bring any clothes with stripes on ‘em?” He asked, and you looked at him in confusion.

Red and blue lights flashed through the windows suddenly and your eyes widened.

“You called the sheriff?!” You gasped, jumping off the bed you used to share with the man looking at you with a satisfied grin on his face. “You know that old bastard hates me!”

“For good reason!” Jack shouted, still in the bathroom.

You made to run for the back door, but it opened to reveal a man you knew.

“Well, hell’s bells!” The man grinned, “If it isn’t our favorite Agent Brandy!”

“Tequila?”

“Hot damn girl, did we miss you! The agency wasn’t the same without you!” Tequila laughed, picking you up and giving you the biggest hug you’d gotten in a long time.

“I can’t believe you’re the sheriff!” You pulled on his badge for a second and knocked his cowboy hat off kilter to mess with him.

“Yep, I get to frisk pretty things like you all day and get paid for it.” Tequila put his hands around your waist and you slapped his chest.

“Aaron, can you try and be at least a little more professional? We got us a crime suspect here.” Jack emerged from the bathroom and you were struck with the fact that you hadn’t known Tequila’s real name until that moment. You quickly snapped back into it, though.

“Now, Brandy, you can’t just go breaking into your ex’s house whenever you feel like it, no matter how much they might deserve it.” Tequila—Aaron, you had to remember that—said.

“I didn’t break in. I used a key. My key, if you must know.” You snorted. Clearly, “Aaron” didn’t know that y’all were still married.

“Well, it still ain’t your house, Brandy. I’m gonna have to escort you out.” Aaron made to take your wrist in his hand, but you pulled away and grabbed the divorce papers you still had with you. You waved them as you heard Jack tell Aaron to use the cuffs on you.

“If you can get that asshole to sign these papers, I’ll let you run me out of town.” You smirked and Aaron laughed at your antics.

“Now that’s none of your concern, Aaron, you hear me?” Jack started, but Aaron was already taking the papers from you to look over.

“Well, what do you know. A bill of divorcement?” He asked. You nodded, and Aaron turned to Jack. “Hell, Jack, I thought you took care of this.”

“I thought I did!” Jack protested.

“Obviously not! Well, if y’all are still married, it’s her house too. This here ain’t nothin’ but a domestic dispute.” Aaron handed the papers back to you, and you smiled at him.

“He didn’t hit you, did he? If he took a swing at you, I’ll take him in right now.” Aaron told you quietly, out of earshot of your husband. You shook your head, because no, that man had never harmed you in ways that were physical. He’d only wounded your heart.

“No, he never hit me.” You replied quietly. Aaron nodded.

“Well, seems y’all got some catching up to do, so I’m gonna leave y’all to it. There’s nobody for miles, so Jack here can make ya scream all he likes.” Aaron winked at Jack, and you shouted in indignation. “G’night, lovebirds!”

“Aaron, I saved your life at least four times back in your Statesman years! You owe me!” Jack shouted, rushing to follow the sheriff’s retreating figure. He wanted you gone from his house in handcuffs if that’s what it took to get you to leave him alone about those divorce papers that he didn’t want to sign.

“Why can’t you just sign the damn papers, Jack?” You yelled after him, and he fixed you with the nastiest stare you’d seen in a long time.

“Listen, Jack. There’s nothing I can do. Your wife’s done nothing wrong, so I can’t just haul her in for nothing. Y’hear me?” Aaron blocked the doorway with his large frame as he lifted his hands in mock surrender.

“I suppose shoplifting steaks at the grocery store’s okay.” Jack spat.

“I took ‘em back and you know it!” You screeched back.

“You remember that vandalism out at the stockyard? Totally her!”

“Like I could tip a cow by myself at sixteen.” You growled, and Jack groaned. He couldn’t hit you with anything from your Statesman years either because that was all “classified information” you didn’t have to answer to. But Jack got an idea.

“Hey Aaron, isn’t there some outstanding warrant for whoever dumped your old man’s tractor in the fish pond?” Jack smirked triumphantly, making eye contact with your horrified expression. And then the cuffs were on your wrists and you were making your merry way to the county jail in the back of his cruiser.

“Now you know I didn’t have a choice, sweetheart.” Aaron smiled ruefully once y’all reached the station. He’d ended up hauling you off in cuffs just like Jack wanted and you were seething.

“This all could have been avoided if he’d just signed those damn papers.” You grumbled. “Can I make a call?”

“Sure thing, sweetheart. You’ll get a couple minutes once I book ya.”

You rolled your eyes, taking the photos Aaron needed to do for “legal purposes.”

“You know that’s gonna get wiped once I make my call, right?” Aaron had the audacity to laugh, knowing exactly who you were going to call.

“I know. Tell big daddy I miss him.” Aaron pointed towards the phone.

It rang for a few seconds before a secretary's voice filtered on, saying the usual crap the Statesman company was supposed to yodel on about.

“Hi, I’ve got a word for you, lady.” You spit out, “Lemon drops suck.” You heard the operator say something about holding on for a moment and then a familiar voice was asking who you were.

“Champ! It’s Brandy,” you shouted, “Listen, I need a favor.”

“Name it, darling. You know I’d do anything for you and that wonderful husband of yours.” He drawled on for a moment and you smacked the phone receiver into the box.

“I need you to pick me up.”

“Well, where are ya? I’ll send a car or whatever it is you need.”

“That’s the thing. I’m in town. But, I need you to come get me from the jail.” You said after a moment. A groan came through the receiver and you winced.

“Alright, darling, I’ll be right there. I’m assuming it’s the usual one, then?”

“Yeah.”

Fifteen minutes later, the man himself was strolling through the door.

“I’m here for my girl, Tequila.” Champ rolled his eyes at you once he saw you waving. He had you out and your record erased within five minutes, and then you were back in his familiar old truck that smelled like whiskey and gunpowder. He accepted a muttered thank you while you drove off towards the Statesman offices.

“So what put you in jail this time?” Champ finally asked.

“Jack and his big, fat mouth.” You grumbled. “It was just a misunderstanding, that’s all.”

“Kinda like that wedding I officiated, huh, darling?” You refused to make eye contact.

“I would hardly call that a wedding.”

“The boy was nervous.” Champ chuckled.

“He was still drunk from the night before!”

“Can you blame him?”

“Yes, I can! We’re supposed to be professional agents and he goes and gets piss drunk the night before we’re supposed to get married. I went to the reception by myself with his puke on the side of my dress while he slept it off at the hotel. And you’re still siding with him!”

“I ain’t siding with nobody, so get rid of that idea. Y’all two are my best agents and I need you both.” Champ stated firmly. “The boy’s changed is all.”

“Can we just not talk about Jack? I know he’s like the son you never had, but you also called me your daughter and all that, so can you just ask me what’s new with me or something instead?”

“Sure. Shoot.” Champ looked disinterested, and you had the feeling that he’d kept up with you better than you’d kept up with him. Curse the archives for always spilling your secrets before you ever could.

“I met somebody. And he’s quite a catch.” You started, and Champ raised an eyebrow beneath his larger than life cowboy hat. “And I’m happy. Really.”

The rest of the drive was held in silence, neither of you feeling like talking much. He pulled into the Statesman gates and led you inside, scanning his ID card on an empty apartment in the back of the warehouses where agents could sleep during the longer missions.

“Sleep well, sweetheart. We can talk about all this in the morning.” He kissed your forehead and you hauled your bag inside. “I’ll take you to get your truck in the morning, don’t you worry ‘bout a thing.”

_________________________________________________________________

In the morning, you were on the phone with your lawyer, walking around the Statesman compound and attempting to avoid the various tour groups that were unaware of the real reason this distillery existed.

“How long does a contested divorce take?” You asked, exasperated that you had to do this now of all times because your no-good husband wouldn’t sign the divorce papers. “18 months? Mr. Collier, I don’t even have 18 days, really!”

The man told you that was how it had to be, you informed him that this arrangement wouldn’t work, and he was informing you of a different option when you heard someone wolf whistle at you, throwing out some jab.

“Ain’t seen the likes of you around this place much!” The man shouted from his horse.

“Mr. Collier, that’s just not going to work for me.” You groaned, trying to block out the man catcalling you from his horse. Clearly this was some junior agent. “Mr. Collier, I’m gonna have to call you back.”

“Listen here, bubba, why don’t you kiss my ass!” You shouted up at the guy, but screamed in happiness once you realized who it was. “Oh my god, Moonshine?!”

“Let’s go inside then, missy, because I don’t do that kind of thing out here in front of the guests.” Moonshine smirked at you, jumping down from his horse.

“I guess your mama raised you right, then.” You laughed, hugging him. You’d missed Moonshine, who’d been one of your first friends in the agency aside from Jack, of course. “I better back off of you before your little lady tries to come beat me up.”

Moonshine looked sheepish.

“There is a little lady, isn’t there?”

“I can hardly afford me and my unhealthy addiction to firearms and whiskey, let alone some high-maintenance babe.” Moonshine laughed.

“What about Cara what’s-her-name? From the class outside of ours? Y’all had real chemistry on some of the missions I supervised.”

“She transferred out to the Alaska branch, and uh, I wasn’t her type.” Moonshine scratched the back of his neck and you hummed, understanding the situation.

“That answers a few of my questions. Guess we all have our secrets, don’t we, Moonshine.” You grinned, your suspicions about him batting for the opposite team nearly confirmed.

“Yeah, we sure do.” Moonshine climbed back up on his horse, tipping his hat on the way. “I gotta get back to work now, missy, but are you gonna be in town for awhile? Me and a few of the guys are going down to our normal watering hole later tonight if you’re up for it.”

“I hope I won’t be here long. I have to go see Champ, but I think I’ll see you boys tonight.”

“Well, I better scram if you’re seeing the boss man.”

“Very funny. I’ll see you later, Moonshine.” You waved the man off and made your way inside, scanning your own ID card on the entry doors and taking the elevator up to Champ’s office.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in. If it isn’t my favorite agent.” Champ drawled from his seat at the head of the conference table.

“Hey boss man, care to give me a ride to town so I can get my truck?” You asked, leaning up against the door jam and waving your keys. He laughed, standing up and grabbing his own keys from his desk.

“C’mon then, little lady. I did make you a promise. You can tell me all about why you’re here on the way over.”

_________________________________________________________________

Once you’d picked up your truck from the jail’s parking lot, you made your way to the bank. You hadn’t accounted for Jack taking as long as he was to sign the divorce papers, so you needed some cash for necessities.

Of course, the bank didn’t have an ATM. You cursed yourself for forgetting as you stepped inside. The bank guard’s eyes widened once he laid eyes on you, telling whoever it was in the teller’s booth that he was going to take a break outside. You winced once you remembered that this was the same man whose farm you and Jack and a few of your old friends had gone rolling pumpkins in year after year. He probably hated you.

You approached the teller, but didn’t recognize her. She clearly recognized you, though.

“Well, if it ain’t the queen of the New York Statesman office.” She grinned. You narrowed your eyes, attempting to figure out who she was when the lightbulb clicked.

“Jenny? Oh my god. I haven’t seen you since you and Tequila got hitched! You look amazing!”

“Thanks, sweetie! So do you. What can I do you for?”

“I need to make a withdrawal from my—“

“Joint account?” Jenny smiled like she knew something you didn’t, which knowing her, she probably did.

“My what?”

“Your joint account. With Jack? From what I hear, y’all are still married.”

“Why yes, yes we are.” You grinned, a plan already formulating in your mind.

_________________________________________________________________

It was after five when Jack got home, but you’d already got to work. You had on one of his favorite dresses that you’d found in a trunk somewhere, one of your homemade aprons, and a wide smile once he walked in the door.

“Hi, honey! Lookin’ good. How’s the family?” You grinned up at him, serving food onto two plates in the dining room.

“Cut the shit. Where’s my stuff?” Jack growled, chucking his hat on the couch along with his whip and lasso.

You smiled where he couldn’t see it, glad to see he’d noticed what you’d done to the place. There were new appliances in the kitchen, a new couch and loveseat, a flatscreen tv, a new rug, and Jack assumed you’d also done something to the bedroom. None of the things he’d had laying around since you left were where he could see it, and the sight agitated him.

“Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn’t pick up after my husband? Dinner’s ready in five.”

“The kind that don’t live here.” Jack groaned, hands raking over his face. “Now, I’m gonna ask you one more time—where is the house key?”

“I had the sweetest talk today with Tequila’s daddy.” You started as you ignored him.

“Nice to see you got your accent back.”

“Oh, I stumbled on a few things today.” You said, noticing Jack had gone to the kitchen, likely in search of a beer.

“Holy shit!” He shouted, and you stifled your laughter. “What happened to the stove?! And where are them little magnets I got from my travels, huh?” He opened the fridge and groaned.

“What the hell is this? Chick food?” He gestured to the fridge that you’d restocked with fresh fruits and vegetables, and new groceries that weren’t stale takeout containers.

“Light beer. Less calories, honey.” You smiled brightly, missing Jack’s murderous expression. He grabbed a can anyway and popped the top off.

“I tried to pick out a new bed today, but the mattress store only had old models. I’ll have to order something from New York.”

“Whatever floats your boat, honey.” Jack muttered, taking a deep swig of the beer you’d bought. He’d have to find his stash of whiskey and hope you hadn’t gotten rid of it.

“Oh, but darlin’, I thought you said we should think of it as our money.” You saw him freeze where he stood, and continued your crusade. “Just a guess, but I’m thinking the words ‘joint checking’ are flashing through your mind right now.”

“How much did you take?” He whirled around, effectively forcing you into the kitchen.

“All of it.” You replied simply, enjoying his facial expression.

“Son of a bitch!” He cursed, chucking the now empty beer can into the trash can and rubbing his face with his hands.

“You wanted a wife, you got a wife, honey,” you spat, “and what were you doing with all that cash? Why don’t you invest it? We work for a perfectly good company with shares for sale, don’t you know anything?”

“I know if you don’t get out of my house right now—”

“Sign the papers and I’ll give it all back.”

“Fine—fine!” He shouted, “gimme the pen.”

You rummaged in your packet for the pen and laid out the papers on the dinner table. You made to give him the pen, but thought better of it.

“Hold on. What are you doing with all that cash saved up? And since when did you tell Champ not to put you on anymore active missions? You aren’t doing anything illegal, are you Jack?”

“So what if I am? I don’t ask you about your boyfriend, you keep your nose out of my life.” He spat out, not making eye contact with you. You deflated.

“Who told you?” You asked quietly.

“Honey, just ‘cause I talk slow don’t mean I’m stupid.” He said in a much quieter tone. He almost sounded hurt.

“Look, Jack—” you trailed off.

“For god’s sake, nobody finds their soulmate at twelve years old.” He mumbled.

“Yeah, I guess,” you murmured.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jack almost smiled. Your eye caught something on the mantle and you looked up to see a horseshoe and a photo of your parent’s old farm.

“I can’t believe you kept that all these years,” you murmured, eyes trailing over the familiar old farm. It had burned down four years after that photo was taken, taking your parents’ lives with it. Jack looked at you before looking at the clock on the wall.

“Oh, hey sweetie, you know what? I just remembered I got myself a hot date.” Jack grinned maliciously, unbuttoning his collared shirt as he spoke. Your eyes moved from the picture to the skin being revealed and suddenly were at a loss for words. “You don’t mind if I have my lawyer take a look at these, do you?” He tossed the papers back on the table and left the room.

“What?!” You gasped.

“Hell, I’m just a dumb intelligence agent with no regards for the law. There’s words in there I don’t even know. You might be takin’ me to the cleaners for all I know.”

“The cleaners? You? You ain’t been there since our wedding, if you even washed your suit for that,” you scoffed. “Can’t you just sign the damn papers?”

“Nah,” he grinned from the doorway to his bedroom, “but thanks for stoppin’ bye. It’s been a real treat.” And then the door was slammed and you screamed into a newly-purchased throw pillow.

You’d realized after about ten minutes that Jack wasn’t coming back into the living room. In fact, his dramatic ass had jumped out the window and you heard his truck starting up outside.

Tequila had made an offer, though, and you planned to take up the social obligation. Besides, if Jack was as predictable as he’d always been, his “hot date” was probably at his mama’s bar where everyone in that little town went to unwind.

Your phone rang once you were outside the noisy bar near Jack’s truck, and you answered at once knowing it was your fiancé.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” You smiled into the phone and Rum’s happy voice spilled out.

“Are you sitting down?” Rum asked.

“Why? Bad news? Did the mission blow up or something?” You panicked. You knew putting this in Rum’s hands would only backfire if something happened.

“No, no! Nothing like that. I was just going to tell you that I read the mission reports and everything went exactly to plan just like you said it would. You might be up for another promotion, babe.” Rum reassured you.

“Oh my god, really? Oh, I needed that almost as much as I need to see you.”

“What is that noise?” Rum finally asked, and you assumed he could hear the loud music and shouts coming from inside the bar.

“The sound of my past.” You grimaced.

“Have fun. I love you.” Your fiancé finished, and you returned the sentiments before hanging up the phone and waltzing into the bar. You were immediately greeted by a screech and an older woman who was still spry was pulling you into a tight hug and yelling over the music.

“Batten down the hatches, boys! Trouble done just walked back into my life disguised as my favorite daughter-in-law!” Helen grinned at you. “Honey, gimme a hug, it’s been too long.”

You laughed while you hugged her and stepped back to show her your ring.

“Soon to be ex-daughter-in-law.” You stated proudly.

“Ooh, who’s the lucky guy?” She asked, inspecting the diamond on your finger.

“His name’s Blake and he works with me.” You winked, and she nodded in understanding. She knew about a little of the work you and her son did, but she mostly stayed out of it, claiming that the stress would bring her to an early grave.

“Well, he’s got my vote if he picked out a ring as pretty as that. It’s good to see you, baby girl.” Helen gave you a pat on the shoulder and told her bartender to give you whatever you wanted. You asked for a whiskey on the rocks and nearly laughed at the irony of the situation.

Once your drink was in hand, you scanned the room, looking for your husband. You spotted him in the corner with some young blonde thing and rolled your eyes. A quick march found you standing right behind Jack and you flipped the edge of his cowboy hat.

“Mind if I join you?” You asked sweetly, leaning up against the pool table beside him.

“Actually we do.” Jack said, raising an eyebrow. He was challenging you, but you ignored him in order to set your sights on his date.

“You must be Jack’s hot date.” You grinned at the girl and she put a hand out to shake yours.

“I’m Carly.”

“Hi, I’m Y/N, Jack’s snotty, Yankee-bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce even though I’m engaged to another man.” You shook her hand, and the girl gasped once she saw your ring.

“Hot dog, Jack, look at the size of that thing!” She gushed. You nearly rolled your eyes at how dumb she was acting just in an attempt to impress your husband.

“Honey? Why don’t you get us a couple of drinks, yeah?” Jack turned to Carly and handed her a few bills. The girl smiled, popped her gum, and proceeded to ask you what you were having. You rolled your eyes then. “Not ‘me and her’ us, ‘you and I’ us.”

The girl agreed and scurried off, and then you turned to Jack.

“Why do you make me be mean to you? Is that what you want? To be humiliated in front of all your friends?” You snapped, frustrated that he was taking this so lightly. He shook his head and downed the rest of his own glass of whiskey.

“C’mon, Brandy, they were your friends too.” You heard Jack mutter, nodding towards a few agents who’d just walked over with their drinks. You recognized a few guys who’d been in the class behind you along with Moonshine. He nodded at you and ordered a beer before heading over to say hello.

“Alright, Brandy, you sit down while I teach your husband here how to lose at pool.” Moonshine grinned, pulling a bar stool over to you.

“Now Moonshine, I’m not really a watch and see kinda girl, am I Jack?” His expression was priceless as he took up the challenge.

At least six drinks later, you were definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol and you landed somewhere near Moonshine as he lined up his shot.

“Come on, now, Moony, you got it. Don’t blow this one, okay baby?” You drunkenly giggled and Moonshine laughed at your inebriated state.

“You can take the girl out of the honky-tonk, but you can’t take the honky-tonk out of the girl.” He missed the shot, but you didn’t care anymore, more focused on the conversation Jack was not-so-quietly having with Cognac? Coors? You couldn’t remember his codename, but it didn’t matter. Jack was talking about you.

“So, Whiskey, are you gonna divorce this girl or what?” The agent asked. Jack shook his head.

“She’s waited seven years. A couple more days won’t kill her. Unfortunately.”

“Like it’s gonna make a difference.” You snorted, nearly falling into his arms but stabilizing yourself at the last second.

“You never know,” the agent started, “you might be interested to know that Whiskey here has been—”

“Hey, hey, Cognac, let her think what she wants. She made her mind up about me a long time ago.” Jack cut him off, making you wonder just what it was that he didn’t want you knowing about.

You quickly forgot that thought, though, when Moonshine started yelling and telling Cognac he owed him fifty dollars. Cognac groaned, forking over the cash.

You didn’t really know what happened next, but you got into a shouting match with one of the other agents and eventually asked Helen for another round of drinks, but she quickly cut you off. Then you were shouting again as Jack dragged you out of the bar by your arm, yelling at you, saying that you couldn’t just insult everyone in the bar because you’d made it out of Kentucky but they were happy where they were.

“What makes you think you can treat them like somethin’ you stepped in, huh?!” Jack demanded as he put you right up next to his truck.

“You asked for it!” You yelled in his face, trying to get your keys out of your pocket. Jack quickly grabbed them.

“You show up here, you steal my money, you rearrange my house, and then you insult our friends, actin’ like you’re better than them.” Jack spat. He was angry and you knew it, but you couldn’t seem to stop.

“I am better than them! And you stole my keys!” You whined, wanting to be anywhere but here with your husband who was telling you that you were wrong. He was right, but you wouldn’t admit it.

“That’s all that matters to you, huh?” He asked in disbelief.

You tried to say his name, but he cut you off.

“God, ever since you left, this has been a nightmare. The money, the fancy office, the city, you’re pathetic!” He raked a hand through his mustache and you got lost in the action right before spitting out a comeback.

“Oh, like you’re goin’ places!” You groaned, a splitting headache appearing out of nowhere. “I certainly am once I get my keys back.”

“No, you don’t. No. You want to kill yourself driving, you do it somewhere else. But not here, not on my watch.” Jack said, putting your keys into his own pocket.

“At least I’m doing something with my life. So what if you and I aren’t partners anymore, you can still go on missions. You don’t have to worry about me anymore!”

“Get in the truck, Y/N.” Jack opened the door and guided you inside, defeated. His date was waiting by the door and you noticed them having a quiet conversation before he handed her your keys and made his way back to the truck.

You fell asleep before Jack even got on the two lane highway that led to the Statesman offices where he knew you’d been staying. Champ didn’t say anything when Whiskey carried you inside your temporary apartment, snoring away, but he wished things would work out between the two of you. His hopes were dashed as soon as Whiskey asked for a pen to sign the papers you’d brought with you.

When you woke up, still hungover from the night before, the divorce papers were stuck on top of the pillow beside you. You wished you could say you were happy about it, but you couldn’t deny that a pit was in the bottom of your stomach.

Once you rolled out of bed and had some coffee, the papers were sealed into an envelope and you drove to the post office to mail it out. You’d talk to Jack afterwards and apologize for your behavior.

When you got to the familiar farmhouse, you found Jack’s dog Midnight lounging at the base of the porch. You scratched his ears, and he whined happily at the attention he was receiving. The dog got up and raced up to Jack when he came out of the house with a crate.

“What’s she doing here, huh, boy?” He asked the dog before turning to face you, “Thought you’d have high-tailed it out of here by now.”

“I put the money back in your account.” You said quietly, searching his face for any emotion whatsoever.

“Thanks. Saves me from bouncing a lot of checks.” He smiled at you, a genuine smile, and it caught you off guard. “I like what you did, though, to the house. Should help it sell quicker.”

“You’re moving?” You were surprised. This was the house you and Jack had gotten and fixed up together in the early stages of your marriage and it held a lot of good memories along with quite a few bad ones.

“Well, I’ve been spending a lot of my time a bit south of the distillery, so . . .” he shrugged.

“Oh.”

“Look, hon, I signed your papers.” Jack sighed, finally hauling the crate into the back of his truck.

“Jack, I never meant to hurt you, or anybody else for that matter. And I just came out here to say thank you.” You finally said.

“You might want to move your toes.” Jack nodded towards where your feet were in reference to his truck tires. “Wouldn’t wanna run ‘em over since you need them for field work.”

“You can’t just leave!”

“Sure I can.” He chuckled, hopping into the cab. “You want to come?”

“Where you goin’?”

“I want to show you something.” Jack said solemnly, and you wished you could go. Something made you stop, though.

“I can’t.” You finally answered, defeated.

“Can’t or won’t?” Jack asked you, already knowing the answer but asking anyway.

“Both.”

“The girl I knew used to be fearless.” Jack leaned against the steering wheel to get a good look at you. You looked so much like the woman he’d once known so intimately, and yet so different. A lot had scarred you both and he recognized that.

“The girl you knew didn’t have a life.” You smiled weakly, fighting back tears.

“Well, I guess you better get back to living it then. C’mon, Midnight.” Jack got his dog in the cab with him and drove off, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

_________________________________________________________________

You didn’t know what possessed you to stay in town now that the papers had been signed and mailed out, but you found yourself in the town square that evening for the weekly square dance night.

“Hello.” You murmured sheepishly once you’d spotted Tequila and his wife, Jenny, and Moonshine, and a few of the agents from last night at the bar. “I just wanted to apologize to y’all. Last night was so uncalled for, and I’m sorry. Really sorry.”

“Brandy, forget it.” Tequila told you, a smile gracing his face. “You know we don’t stay mad for long.” The group nodded, and you smiled in relief.

Jenny pulled you to the side and handed you a glass of sweet tea.

“You know, he went up there.” She said, sort of secretively.

“Who?” You were confused about what she was talking about. But then she looked at you oddly and you suddenly knew. “Jack? When?”

“About a year after you left. He doesn’t know I know, but Aaron “big mouth” Tequila over there can’t keep a secret to save his life nowadays.”

“Jack was in New York?” You asked, completely surprised. You’d never seen him. He’d certainly never come to see you and say hello. Jenny nodded.

“He told Tequila he’d never seen anything like it. He realized straight off that he’d need more than an apology to win you back. He needed to conquer the world first. He’s been tryin’ ever since.” Jenny told you, downing her own tea.

“That’s why he kept sending the papers back.” You murmured, and Jenny nodded at you again.

“It’s funny how things don’t work out.” She sighed.

“It’s funny how they do.” You smiled warmly at her, knowing she was happy with her life and how it was turning out.

“Hey, look who I found wandering around the edge of the party.” Moonshine cheered, shoving Jack in the center of the group you were with. He had the nerve to look a bit sheepish, knowing you were there, but you were the one who blushed. After that, it was a whirlwind of everyone catching up on the times and you found yourself smiling at Jack.

The band finally started playing a slow song, and Tequila got up to ask you to dance, leaving his wife to drag Jack into the square. The both of you danced for awhile before Tequila stole his wife back, which left you and Jack standing face to face. Jack held out a hand to you to offer a dance, but you hesitated.

“Maybe we could just talk?” You asked him quietly. He shook his head and walked off, a sigh escaping your lips once you realized you were alone.

The night wore on with you on the sidelines, drinking sweet tea, and finally you made your way down the street towards your truck. Something stopped you, though, and you made your way into the coon dog cemetery on the edge of town. Maybe Coal was in there. You didn’t realize Jack had been watching you and finally ended up following you, and maybe you wouldn’t have been so honest in your talk with your old dog if you’d known.

You knelt beside the dog’s grave, his collar and your old license plate stuck to the stone placed above him.

“Hey there, buddy. Sorry it took me so long. I would’ve come sooner if I’d known you were sick.” You sniffed, fingers running along the etching of his name in the stone. “Actually, that’s probably not true. I’ve been pretty selfish lately. Dogs don’t know anything about that, do they, though?”

“You were always a big old pillow after missions. Like when everything went pear-shaped after I got shot, you never left my side. And then I just left you. Oh gosh. I bet you sat there on that big old porch, wondering what you done wrong.” You sobbed, wiping the tears away.

“I told him it was my fault.” Jack’s voice broke you out of your concentration and you whipped around to see him kneeling behind you.

“Quit bein’ so nice.” You sniffed, a small smile breaking through your tears. Jack offered you a hand to help you up and you accepted it. He led you to a bench right near Coal’s grave and kept holding your hand.

“It’s the truth.” Jack stated.

“How come everything has to be so complicated,” you asked tearfully. Jack smiled softly at you.

“What?” He asked finally.

“Truth, life, this,” you gestured between the two of you and towards the hand he was still holding in his grip. Jack didn’t answer that, not that you expected him to.

“He was one hell of a good dog, wasn’t he? You looked like you were having fun out there tonight before I got there and ruined it.” Jack mumbled. You brushed a thumb over your intertwined hands softly.

“I’m happy in New York, Jack.” You laughed wetly, “But then I come down here and this fits too.”

“Since when does it have to be one or the other, darlin’? You can have roots and wings, you know.” Jack told you. You nodded.

“Maybe I could just fly south for the winter.” You joked miserably.

Jack finally pointed out towards the woods and nudged your shoulder, “Look.”

“What?” You asked.

“There, see ‘em?” You followed his pointing finger until you realized that he was pointing at fireflies illuminating sections of the woods with their blinking behinds.

“Only you,” you laughed fondly, looking up at him. You couldn’t deny it, Jack was still just as handsome as the day you married him even if the years had gone by.

“You know, I still go out there sometimes. To the meadow, I mean. I hear the crickets and I go and sit in the field and stare up at the stars like we used to. It’s like a religion.” Jack revealed, turning to look down at you to gauge your response.

“I had a dream about it the other night, our first kiss when we were twelve. Remember that?”

“You ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t gotten shot and died on that mission?” Jack asked bluntly. You were surprised and whispered his name.

“Just, let me get this out before I can’t.” Jack started, “I thought us working together on missions would be an adventure. I loved seeing you be this beautiful badass and I loved being the one who got to love you. And it took me awhile to realize that being tied down to me would be your only adventure.”

“I guess that thug knew what he was doing then, aiming at me. I was so ashamed, Jack, ‘cause I felt so relieved once I woke up and remembered everything. And all of a sudden, I just . . . Needed a different life. Y’know? I had to get away.” You were almost frantic in your story, the painful memories resurfacing of how you just ran away from your husband with no explanation. Gosh, the number you did on him.

“You done real well for yourself. I’m proud of you, sugar.” Jack told you sincerely, fingers brushing your hair away from your wet cheeks. “I’m just sorry I never danced with you at our weddin’. I’m sure this next one’s gonna go better for ya.”

You looked up and suddenly your lips were on his and it felt like you were breathing real air for the first time since you left his home and abandoned him. It felt good, his lips brushing yours in just the right ways, but you couldn’t do this.

“Jack, I can’t do this.” You whimpered through your tears. He nodded.

“I know. Go home, Brandy.”

And just like he’d appeared, Jack disappeared in the dark, leaving you alone with your conflicted emotions.

_________________________________________________________________

The next morning found Jack entering the Statesman offices as a man on a mission. But he found an unfamiliar man with flowers in hand, pacing in the lobby.

“Y’alright there?” He asked. The man whipped his head up and sighed.

“I’m here to surprise my fiancée. The secretary won’t let me in because I don’t have a Kentucky Statesman badge, only a New York one.”

Jack quickly realized the situation, knowing immediately that the man was there to see you without needing to be introduced. He also knew that you were probably in Champ’s office, talking smack about missions like you used to do.

“Well, I’m headed upstairs to see a friend of mine, but you’re welcome to join.” Jack motioned to the elevator, and your fiancé quickly nodded and followed him inside the cab. Jack rolled his eyes at the guy’s eagerness.

“So, fiancée huh? Which one of our lucky agents is it?” Jack drawled, knowing full well who this man meant.

“Agent Brandy.” The man answered, “and you are?”

“I’m Agent Whiskey. Who might you be?” Jack smirked.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m Agent Rum.” Rum laughed sheepishly. He was quite a bit smaller than Jack and had to look upwards to make eye contact.

“Ah, so you’re the man Brandy was talking about.” Jack couldn’t help but meddle a little in his ex-wife’s affairs.

“You know Brandy?” Rum asked, surprised.

“Course I know her. I know all about her.” Jack grinned down at the man, “I know her name, her whole life story, everything. She was my partner.”

“She never mentioned you.” Rum stammered. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same girl?”

Jack described you, and Rum nodded, but that description would match a few agents and Rum wasn’t sure Jack really knew who you were. Joke’s on him.

Moonshine got in the elevator and froze once he saw Jack with your fiancé. He’d looked Rum up as soon as you’d mentioned him, and the look Jack had on his face was downright scary to someone who knew him. It was like a lion playing with its prey.

“Uh, uh, hey Whiskey.” Moonshine stuttered.

“Morning,” Jack smiled. “Brandy here?”

Moonshine nodded.

“Yeah, yeah she’s here. She’s with big daddy.”

“Wonderful. I’m just escorting her fiancé here up to meet him.” Jack nodded towards Rum who waved a hand. Jack couldn’t figure out how this man got to be an agent, all timid and shy next to Southern guys. He seemed like a schmuck.

“Oh, that’s great.” Moonshine nodded emphatically.

“I’m sorry, you are?” Rum asked, in reference to Moonshine.

“Name’s Moonshine. I’m Brandy’s, uh—” her turned to look at Jack to figure out what to say.

“Her other partner.” Jack finished. Rum smiled at the two.

“Wow! Two partners while she was here. That’s something.”

Jack rolled his eyes behind the man’s back.

“So what do you like about our Brandy?” Jack finally asked him, directing the both of them to exit the elevator. Champ’s office was just down the way, but Jack wasn’t ready to leave this man with you yet.

Rum spouted off a lot of things that Jack knew you weren’t like whenever y’all were married and he quickly realized that the woman you were with this new guy wasn’t anything like the woman he married. The woman he’d seen in the last few days. This was a woman who had completely changed herself to fit New York, and that just made Jack’s stomach churn.

Finally, he pulled Rum over to Champ’s door and he threw open the doors. You were sat inside, alone, staring at a few photos on the wall before you looked up and made eye contact with your ex-husband. You stood quickly, walking over to the two men standing before you.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, looking at Jack.

“Well, I came to deliver your fiancé.” Jack stared at you real hard.

“I, uh, think she was talking to me.” Rum cut in, handing you the bouquet of flowers he’d been holding.

“Jack . . .” You trailed off.

“Must be exhaustin’.” Jack started.

“What?” you asked softly. Rum echoed the question beside you, finally realizing that you and Jack were talking to each other in a way that wasn’t normal to him.

“Livin’ a lie.” Jack finished, hand shoving his hat further on his head. You shook.

“What’s he talking about?” Rum asked you, and you looked back at Jack, pleading for him to be kind.

“You and I are in love with two different people.” Jack said with a shake of his head as he left the room.

“Who is he really? He said he was your partner.” Rum asked you, staring after Jack’s retreating figure.

“He’s my husband.” You answered.

“Your what?” Rum was dumbfounded.

“I mean my ex-husband.” You gasped, correcting yourself.

“You married your partner?!” Rum was running his hands through his hair, trying to wrap his mind around the situation and realizing just how little he knew about you. Had you up and married another man while you were down here? Were you married before? You interrupted his thoughts with a quiet answer.

“No, I came down here to finalize my divorce.” You sighed.

“Hey darlin’,” Champ burst into the room, “just saw your precious hubby and took his resignation.” He froze once he saw who was with you. “Oh! You must be my baby girl’s new someone!”

You groaned internally.

Rum threw up his hands and made some new noise you’d never heard before then promptly left the room. You scurried after him, trying to get his attention.

“Blake! Wait!”

“I just—” Andrew started as he pressed the button on the outside of the elevator.

“Let me try and explain, you don’t understand!” You tried to wedge your way between him and the door, but he easily slid past you. You slammed your arm against the side of the sliding doors to keep them from closing. “This isn’t who I am anymore!”

“Look, I don’t know who you are or what else you’ve lied about, but I do know one thing. There’s a helicopter parked outside in the field, and I am on it.” Rum’s face was stony as the doors closed.

You stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, trying to grasp the situation. A sigh escaped your lips before you made your way back to Champ’s office to slump down in a chair.

Champ was sitting at his desk, Statesman glasses perched on his nose and a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. He looked up right as you made eye contact and gave you his signature “I told you so” look. You groaned.

“I know you’re thinkin’ I spoiled things real good this time.” You grumbled, chucking your hat on the table.

“Now, sweetheart, don’t go accusin’ me of thinking. I ain’t done anything of the sort.” Champ snorted. “Anyway, I don’t think you spoiled what you think you did. You got a good head on your shoulders kid, and I love you.”

You talked for awhile, catching up on life and missions and things you hadn’t spoken of in years when a knock sounded on the open door of Champ’s office. Champ nodded whoever it was inside, but you didn’t even look up until Champ looked at you with a knowing smile.

“Hey, you two. Look who I found wandering around by the weapons labs.” Moonshine nudged someone forward and you finally looked up. Agent Rum, your fiancé, was in front of you with the sorriest look you’d ever seen on his face.

“I thought you’d be halfway to New York by now.” You said slowly, not sure why he was still here. Your little interlude an hour before sounded like a breakup if you’d ever heard one. You stood up and moved to stand beside Champ, knowing he’d back you up if needed.

“So did I.” Rum smiled sheepishly, nodding toward Champ.

“Oh, this is Agent Champagne, but we call him Champ. He’s basically been my daddy since I started here.” Champ reached up squeezed your hand in reassurance and you moved closer to Rum. “And this is Moonshine. He’s been my best friend for a long time, well, as long as I’ve been good to him. He’s always been a better man. This is where I started, where I grew up, and my home.”

“Well,” Rum started, “it’s nice to meet you both. I’m Agent Rum, Brandy’s fiancé. That is, if she’ll still have me.” You looked at him in surprise. “ Look, I don’t really care what just happened back there. So you have a past. I mean, who doesn’t? We’re all trying to escape something in this life. What I need to know is if there is a place for me in your future.”

“Good Lord, he’s saying all sorts of sweet things.” Moonshine muttered and you laughed at him.

“Well?” Rum asked. You nodded with a small smile.

“Crap, guess I need to plan my vacation days to go to New York then.” Champ grumbled at his desk.

“What vacation days, old man?” You sassed Champ. You turned back to Rum, “Babe, what if we had the wedding here? I have so much history here, I’d like to end it all here and start fresh with you.”

Rum smiled and agreed and Champ started hollering about how he couldn’t believe you were going to do this to him again, how he’d have to officiate yet another wedding, and how many times does his only daughter get married? Apparently the answer was twice.

_________________________________________________________________

A month went by before you knew it, full of missions and planning and setting up temporary groups while you’d be on your honeymoon. In between all you had to do in the Statesman offices, you were also wedding planning. Luckily, you had Champ and his wife to help with all that along with AppleJack and your assistant.

Mr. Collier, your lawyer, had been calling nearly every day, but you’d assured him that you had everything handled and that he could clear the divorce without you. You’d been calling Jack a lot too. You wanted to talk to him about what Champ meant when he said Jack had retired, and why no one seemed to want to talk about what he was doing. But he never answered his cell and your old home phone seemed to be disconnected.

It still didn’t feel real that you’d be getting married on Saturday afternoon as you stepped off your Statesman jet at the airfield in Kentucky on Thursday with Agent AppleJack and your assistant—now newly minted Agent Smirnoff.

“You guys remember that mark from a year ago on that mission I was on for about three months, right? The Spanish one?” AppleJack was telling you. You nodded, remembering who she was talking about. He’d been rugged and good looking, and you’d told her as much when you handed her the mission. “Well, he proposed to me, and I think I loved him despite his obvious attraction to black market trading.”

“Then why didn’t you say yes?” Smirnoff asked.

“Because I hesitated long enough to realize my head and my heart were saying two different things. And he was on the other side of the legal fence.” AppleJack scoffed.

You guided the two of them towards your waiting truck and chucked your bags in the bed of it. Theirs followed as they argued.

“Well, it’s a big decision.” You added in.

“It’s supposed to be the easiest one you ever make.” Smirnoff said. You’d always thought he was a romantic, and now you were sure of it.

“Hey, y’all, I want to stop somewhere before we head to the office. Okay?” You turned to look at the two of them, and they shrugged before agreeing. It wasn’t like y’all had much to do today anyway. Champ had already assured you that the cellar was decorated and pretty for you and Rum to tie the knot, and that he’d already arranged everything for your honeymoon too.

You drove the forty-five minutes it took to get to your parents’ old farmhouse where you used to live before it had burned down, taking both your parents with it when you were nineteen. You hadn’t been there since a few days after the fire when you’d set up headstones for your parents on the property, but you wanted to tell them what was going on.

The driveway was long, but you were surprised to see how well kept it was. Then the house came into view along with Jack’s pickup truck and a familiar black dog lounging on the steps. You slammed on the brakes and parked right off the driveway, jumping out of the vehicle.

“Oh my god.” You gasped, looking at the place. It looked nearly identical to the house that burnt down, but there was a new barn in the back of the house and fence posts as far as you could see down the drive that kept going. Your dad had never cleared that far into the woods, but it looked good. It looked like a really successful ranch had been started right where so much devastation had taken place.

“Brandy, do we know the people who live here?” AppleJack asked, finally catching up to your quick walk towards the house. “What is this place?”

A man walked out of the house and froze once he saw you, and you hardly heard both AppleJack and Smirnoff arguing about if he was single.

“Jack,” you breathed. He stepped down off the porch and came over to you, greeting you with a sad smile. “I tried to call you a couple of times.”

“Listen,” he started, completely ignoring your previous statement, “since you’re here, you and your friends should look around. Say hello to the horses in the barn or something. It’s nice out today.” He tipped his hat towards your two companions and called his dog, making his way back into the house before you could say anything else.

You shook your head, trying to clear your eyes of the tears that had somehow started filling them. As you looked around the ranch, you saw all the little things that Jack had done, as well as the big, that made this place feel so much like home. It was almost exactly the way it had been when you lived there so long ago, and you were reminded of the photo Jack had on your old mantel. You’d asked him why he kept it, but he hadn’t answered then. And the times when the guys you used to work with were trying to tell you that Jack was successful now, but Jack had cut them off. Now you knew why. He’d built this place for you.

_________________________________________________________________

When you got to the Kentucky office, Champ was waiting for you downstairs.

“Hey, little darling, there was a man here for you. He straight up asked about your whole name and everything. Did you have a guest coming for the wedding we didn’t know about who’d know your civilian name?” He asked. Your brow furrowed as you shook your head. “Alright, well we sent him on his way, anyhow. I’m sure it’s fine.”

You introduced him to your two companions and Champ grinned, happy to meet two people you trusted with your life. You asked him if Rum was here yet, to which Champ nodded and guided you all inside. “Got here about two hours before you, sweetheart.”

Once you were inside, it seemed like a whirlwind of things happened as you readied yourself to get married for a second time. The next 36 hours were hell, waiting for everything to be finalized so you could get hitched.

It was Saturday morning and Champ had stationed two low ranking agents to man the guests as they filtered into the cellar where you’d be holding the wedding. So far, only agents were to be in attendance and a few plus ones, but you’d wanted to keep it small. So when a balding man appeared and introduced himself as Mr. Collier, telling the two agents that he wasn’t on the list, they promptly told him that he couldn’t come inside as he wasn’t invited. The man insisted he had urgent business with a Ms. Daniels, but the agents weren’t having it and escorted him out of the cellar.

Meanwhile, at your old house, the one you had shared with Jack, your ex-husband was adding the last few crates and boxes of his and your things to his truck. He groaned once he saw his mama leaning up against her car in the driveway since he hadn’t seen her pull up.

“Hey, sweetheart, there’s a wedding goin’ on.” She said softly, helping him throw a gym bag into the backseat of his truck.

“Yeah, I heard mention of it a time or two.” Jack shrugged, “I sure hope this weather cooperates. It’s supposed to be a big storm.” He didn’t want to give into his mama and tell her how he really felt about all this.

The truth was, Jack was devastated. He’d spent so much time trying to get his wife back, and now she was marrying a man he knew she didn’t love as much as she loved him, and it hurt. It felt like something had died inside his chest, and he supposed something did. His heart.

“You know, Jack, you’re my only son and I love you, but sometimes you are too much like your daddy.” Helen sighed.

“She made her decision, Mama.” Jack set the last box in the bed of the truck and covered them up with tarps to keep ‘em dry.

“For somebody who’s been holdin’ onto somethin’ so hard, you’re pretty quick to let it go.” Helen eyed him.

“You know I can’t control her anymore than I can control the weather. I gotta go. I wanna get these inside before the rain ruins whatever I’ve got left.” Jack tipped his hat at his mama and climbed inside the cab. Helen shook her head in disappointment.

Champ stood in the corner of the apartment you’d been occupying in the Statesman office that weekend, watching you adjust your dress and cowboy boots. He smirked once he realized you’d be getting married, Southern style with the boots and a dress that he swore he’d seen in one of those fancy Southern Living magazines his wife was always reading. Or was it Southern Weddings? He didn’t know, but you looked beautiful. Even more so than the first time he’d officiated your wedding to Jack.

You kept fidgeting, causing Champ to speak up.

“It’s just nerves. You’re doing the right thing.” He attempted to reassure you.

“Am I?” You asked, unsure.

“When I married my wife, Lord, I was a goner for that woman. I couldn’t put one foot down in front of the other, despite being an agent with perfect balance, mind you. I remember standin’ there thinking, ‘Oh preacher, better hurry up before this woman changes her mind.’ And look where it got me. Sometimes she drives me so crazy that I could shoot her, but—”

“But you still love her.” You cut him off.

“God knows I do, and only she knows why.” Champ laughed, his eyes teary as he looked you over.

“Champ, I think I—”

“He can give you a life in this company, honey. You’ve always wanted this. And he adores you.” Champ said firmly, not letting you get back on the confusion train.

“He does, doesn’t he?” You sighed, “Well, even if he is a Yankee, at least he’s sober. Let’s go, Champ. I’m ready to get this over with.”

Champ led you down to the cellars, and then down the aisle. He didn’t get you two very far, though, when a man’s shouts were heard yelling “Ms. Daniels! Ms. Daniels!”

You whipped around, confused about why someone would be calling you by your married name. “Mr. Collier?” You asked in surprise. The two agents supposed to be manning the door had grabbed him by now, but you were quick to dismiss them.

Rum called your name, but you held up a hand to stop him from speaking. You didn’t know why Mr. Collier was here, but it had to be important if he was trying this hard to get in contact with you. The man took a moment to catch his breath.

“You are one hard woman to get in contact with.” Mr. Collier wheezed as he bent over to breathe.

“Mr. Collier, he signed the papers.” You said quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“He did. You didn’t.” You finally noticed the papers he was holding and sucked in a breath.

“What? You mean I’m still married?” You asked, unsure how you felt about this new information. You thought for sure you’d signed the papers when you’d sent them off the day after Jack had signed them. Apparently, you hadn’t. Mr. Collier pointed at the line above Jack’s name, and sure enough, it was blank.

“Well, not if you don’t want to be.” Mr. Collier replied gently as he handed over the papers.

“For goodness sake, Brandy, I thought you took care of this?” Rum groaned as he made his way to stand in the aisle beside you.

“It’s an honest mistake, Blake.” You shook your head in disbelief.

“Well, then, can we fix it? We’ve got agents who need to be on missions soon and we have a honeymoon to get to.” Rum snorted. Your brows furrowed as you watched this normally kind man getting frustrated over a mistake you hadn’t even realized you made.

“Does anybody have a non-deadly pen?” You asked, knowing no one would have one on them unless it had ten functions to kill someone and not one of them being the purpose of a real pen with ink that would actually stay on the paper. You’d made the mistake before of signing something with ink that removed itself within two hours and you didn’t want to make that mistake again.

No one around you had one, not even Champ, until a woman behind you cleared her throat. You turned around to face your mother in law, Jack’s mom.

“These things don’t just happen, y’know.” Helen said with a knowing smile as she held out a fountain pen. You took it and uncapped it, placing it on the paper but not moving to sign it.

“You can’t ride two horse with one ass, sweetheart.” Champ said from beside you. You looked up at him and with a watery smile, you told him you couldn’t sign the papers.

“Blake,” you started, taking his hands in yours, “You don’t want to marry me.”

“I don’t?” He asked, eyes almost looking dangerous.

“No, you don’t. Not really. You see, the truth is—” You hesitated before continuing. “I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back. And I don’t even know what else to say besides ‘I’m sorry.’ I can’t marry you, and you shouldn’t want to marry me.”

“So this is what it feels like.” Blake muttered, eyes definitely glittering with anger now. “You can’t just do this to me. That’s it? You’re just going to leave me for the man you haven’t even wanted to be married to for seven years? God, Brandy, what the hell!” He shouted.

You took a step back, attempting to make space and remove your hands from his, but he held your hands tightly. You gulped, knowing Blake wasn’t done.

“In my entire career, and I have a good one, I have never met someone so deceitful and manipulative! I should’ve known, considering our occupations, but this is so disgusting what you’ve done.” Blake spat.

“I’m just trying to be honest.” You whispered.

“You are such a little bitch.” Blake roughly dropped your hands and Champ immediately stepped in, crowding the shorter agent.

“Now, look here, Agent Rum. She said her piece and there’s no need for name-callin’, you hear me?” Champ growled.

“Oh go back to your office and get shit-faced.” Blake spat at Champ’s feet. You saw red.

“Nobody talks to my daddy like that.” You growled, throwing one of your best punches. Agent Rum was soon on the ground and you chucked your engagement ring at his head. It hit his cheek and bounced off somewhere, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“Praise the Lord, my baby’s back.” Champ cheered, pulling you away from your ex-fiancé.

“Hey y’all!” You shouted as you stood up on an empty chair in the venue, “If you’re friends of the bride, stick around! I’m gonna go find me a groom!”

And then you were off, grabbing your keys from Moonshine and hopping in your truck, wedding dress getting stuck in the door. You didn’t care, though. You knew exactly where Jack would be and you planned to go get your man back.

You roared into the meadow, truck chassis bumping around on the uneven ground. The door was flung open and you were racing across the field, dress bunched in your hands. Rain had started falling, and Jack was sitting in the bed of his truck getting sopping wet. He had a bottle of whiskey in his hands, but he hadn’t quite noticed you yet.

“Hey, cowboy!” You shouted above the rain and he whipped around to face you, eyes wide beneath the brim of his hat. Rain dripped off the edges and you almost laughed at how bedraggled he looked, but refrained. “You owe me a dance.”

“Nice dress. Where’s your husband?” Jack finally said as he capped the whiskey bottle and set it down beside him in the truck bed.

“I’m lookin’ at him.” You said, and Jack froze. “Apparently, you and I are still hitched.”

“Is that right?” He asked slowly as he got off the tailgate. He made his way over to stand in front of you, rain still pouring over the both of you to the point where you could only really see him anymore.

“Why didn’t you tell me you came to New York?” You asked desperately, needing to know if he still wanted you, if he still loved you.

“I needed to make somethin’ of myself.”

“About done?” You asked in disbelief. This man was already enough for you, how could he not see it?

“What is it about you Southern girls? You can’t make the right decisions ‘til you tried all the wrong ones?” Jack scoffed. He was sure this was some elaborate joke, that your fiancé would hop out of your pickup truck and laugh at him any minute now.

“At least I fight for what I want!”

“Oh, what do you want, honey? Hell, I don’t even think you know.” Jack shook his head.

“You’re the first boy I ever kissed, Jack, and I want you to be the last.” You said as you stepped closer to him, dress dragging in the grass and dirt. You didn’t even care, not if it meant you could get your husband back.

“Maybe you and I had our chance.” Jack muttered, hoping you couldn’t hear him, but you did.

“Fine! Have it your way, stubborn ass!” You yelled.

“Whatcha wanna be married to me for anyhow?” Jack asked, repeating what you’d asked him all those years ago when you were twelve. You grinned, catching up to his game.

“So I can kiss you anytime I want.”

And then you were in his arms and he was kissing you, his hat dumping water on the both of you but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You were already soaked. You’d gotten your man back, and you sighed into his mouth. You didn’t want to move again, the feeling of his kiss bringing life back into your lungs and giving you space to breathe for the first time in a long time. He just felt right. Hands wandered up his back and you knocked off his hat in an effort to get even closer to him. He groaned when fingers locked into his now soaked hair, tongue slipping into your mouth when you whined.

You only broke away when you heard someone yelling at the both of you, lights shining right onto your interlocking figures.

“What the hell are you two trying to do? Get yourselves killed?” Tequila yelled. You laughed, breaking away from Jack just long enough to shout back.

“What seems to be the trouble, officer?”

“I’m here to bring you in again, little lady!” Tequila called back, hands on his hips and looking downright hilarious.

“What did she do this time?” Jack shouted. He walked you both closer to Tequila and the man had the audacity to grin at the two of you.

“Well, the way I hear it, seems she run out on a perfectly good cake!”

You laughed and smooched Jack on the cheek before reaching down to grab his hat from the ground.

“Get in my truck, cowboy!” You grinned, “Seems we finally get our reception!”

You raced your husband to your truck, hopping in and laughing at the way you both shivered from the cool air you’d had blasting. Jack swore and turned on the heat as you got yourselves out of the meadow and started following the red and blue flashing lights of Tequila’s patrol car.

You reached a hand over to hold Jack’s and he lifted your fingers to his lips to press a kiss to the knuckles.

“I love you.” He murmured and you returned the sentiments, happy for the first time in a long time.

Tequila led you to the bar Helen owned, and you laughed once you realized where the guys had decided to hold your reception. It was only fitting that the place where you’d originally hosted your first reception was now the place of your second, and with the same man no less.

Tequila made his way indoors first and introduced you, yelling out a “Ladies and gentleman, Mr. and Mrs. Jack Daniels!”

You rushed inside, nearly tripping over your boots and dress, but Jack steadied you, dipping you for a deep kiss just inside the door.

Catcalls filled the air as Jack lifted you back up, a boyish grin gracing his lips.

“I do believe I owe this lady a dance,” Jack nodded at his Mama by the jukebox and she smiled at the two of you.

“You sure do!” Moonshine shouted.

“Hey Helen,” you turned to Jack’s mama, “make it a slow one.”

She saluted you, and then hit a button, playing Tennessee Whiskey. Jack snorted at the song choice as he held your waist in the middle of the space they’d cleared for a dance floor, but you didn’t mind. You’d always joked that the song was about him with his Statesman name, and he hated it. You loved him, though.

You had your husband back and you weren’t ever going to give him up again. You swayed to the song for a moment before leaning up to kiss him. Finally, you were home.

[bisexualwannabewriter]

Hi! Would you do Cassidy and #1 of your trope list? With a trans male reader if you're comfortable with that.

Hi anon ! This is very new to me, so I hope you'll like what I wrote. I apologize in advance if anything feels inaccurate or ... weird ? I really tried my best ! I love this character so much, so it was lovely to be able to put Cassidy in a story of mine.

Hope you'll enjoy anon ! :)

Proinsias Cassidy (Preacher) x trans male reader

1. I was a dead man before I met you, y/n. I couldn’t remember what being alive felt like. Now I do

tw : mentions of transitioning, Cassidy's self-loathing and bloody past, God, swearing, but overall fluffy wholesome shit with our favorite vampire !

Check out this post if you'd like me to write other stories with a specific character and trope ! :D

You had changed a lot over the last couple of months. You were a new person, and at the same time, not really. The world felt like it was different too. But you were you, you were exactly who you were supposed to be now. And you felt like everything around you was falling into place. And then there was him.

Being a trans man was fucking complicated sometimes. People were talking about it more, and it was nice to see people finally opening the conversation; but sometimes, you felt like trans men were a bit left out. You knew the world had such an intense obsession with feminine beauty. Those were things you were a little afraid to talk about. So much came with your transition, and it was important for you to have someone to check on you. You needed support, and Cass gave that to you. He let you go on lengthy rants about this, but also about anything else, really. He had this soft little smile on his face, as he let you externalize everything you had been scared to even mention to anyone else before, out loud.

That man was surprising, in the best ways possible, if you just let him. If you just believed in him. He didn't know why, but you did. He had been underestimated his entire life. He loved people who didn't love him back, who took him from granted. You didn't. You were so grateful for him. You had endless conversations about what it meant to be a man, to the both of you. You both challenged the idea of the perfect cis straight man, and took immense pride in that. He was unapologetically himself, and you loved him even more for that. You didn't think he really understood how much he meant to you. But you also talked about crazy conspiracy theories together, controversial opinions, God, people...

He harbored such a deep hatred for himself sometimes, it broke your heart. But all you saw in him was beauty. Sure, he had his flaws. Flaws that might be difficult to overlook for other people. Not for you. He was who he was, and you were who you were, and you accepted each other with an open heart. Cassidy thought you were the most wonderful person he had ever met in his life. He admired and respected you. He lived a long life, so that meant the world to you. He saw something special in you, in your soul, in your heart. He felt like he was broken beyond repear, and somehow you came into his life, shining light on the darkest parts of his story, his memories. You had a gift to see the good in the bad, and that saved his life.

Talking about certain parts of his past was difficult to him, you knew it was. Between his vampirism, what he did to his son Denis, his criminal record, his involvement as a freedom fighter for the Irish Republic, his brief affiliation with "Les Enfants du Sang"... It was a lot. It was especially difficult to talk about this couple he had met, a couple of years before everything. He was friends with them; Jesse Custer and Tulip O'Hare. He was his bestfriend, and she was - what he thought was - the love of his life. They went through a lot together, but eventually parted ways. He would never forget them, you knew that for sure. But you made things better. He was in a very dark place, before you met him. Saving someone was not on your list of things to accomplish at the time. You had to put yourself first. But being with him just made perfect sense. It worked. You didn't know how, but it worked.

One night, after a long debate on The Big Lebowski (he fucking hated that movie with a passion), he just layed there, in your arms, thinking. Cassidy talked a lot. A LOT. And yet you still knew that sometimes, he kept things to himself. His mind was in a constant turmoil, and you hoped your presence calmed it down. It did. Cass felt good. He loved being the little spoon. And then, he turned around, looked at you with his beautiful loving eyes, and told you something you would remember for the rest of your life, no matter how long or short it would be : "You'll never know how much I love you, y/n. You saved me without even trying to. You didn't have to. You just had to be... you. Honest to God... I tried, and I did crazy fucked up things, and I fell in love but... I was a dead man before I met you, y/n. I couldn’t remember what being alive felt like. Now I do. You make me feel more alive than I've ever felt before. I know why I'm still here. It was all worth it somehow, love. I'm finally where I need to be. I'm not too much, or not enough. I'm... here, with you."

You felt so much warmth inside your entire body. It almost felt like the warmth extended around you, and it trapped the both of you into a bubble that no one could ever burst. It was you and him, him and you. The world didn't have to understand. You two were all that mattered, and you were thankful for what he gave you. For what you gave him. For the rare treasure you were both sharing. You would never hurt him, as you knew he would never hurt you. You held him closer, simply telling him that you loved him, and that was enough for Cass.

He had everything he ever wanted right here, right now.

[fanmoose12]

Partners

Characters: Petra Ral, Levi, Hanji Zoe x Levi Genre: Action / Mystery / Romance Rating: T

Detective!au

Summary: when Petra was promoted to a detective and partnered up with legendary Levi Ackerman, she felt like the happiest person in the world.

But, as she soon found out, detective Ackerman she used to admire so much was actually a far cry from the ideal policeman Petra thought he was. He was rude, harsh and easily annoyed. And, in addition, he still hadn’t moved on from the death of his previous partner - detective Hange Zoe.

Chapter 11/?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Сhapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Сhapter 7

Сhapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

With every word from Levi's mouth, Erwin's face grew darker and darker.

"Fuck." He declared, as soon as Levi had finished. "Fuck," he repeated, rubbing his temples. He took a deep, heavy sigh, and when he blinked, the tense expression was miraculously gone, the usual look, full of determination and conviction, taking its place.

"So no sign of forced entry?” he asked, calm and collected and completely devoid of the previous frustration. “No sign of struggle? And no sign of Petra?"

"Yes, sir." Oluo confirmed with a frantic nod, which reminded Levi of a stupid toy dog Hange once put in his car.

Had the matter at hand been at least a little less grave, perhaps, he’d even crake a smile at the comparison. Hange definitely would have. Alas…

“And do we know who’s behind it?”

“No,” Levi replied. “Hange suspects one of Zeke’s man, but she also thinks some third party is involved.”

Erwin accepted his answer, slowly scratching his chin. “And where is Hange herself?"

“She went to talk to Zeke to ask if he knows something, and…" Levi faltered, not sure if he should share this information with Erwin. Hange was sure that Zeke was innocent, and Levi never doubted her, but…

"And?" Erwin prompted.

Fuck it, Levi decided. Perhaps, Erwin’s unbiased opinion was exactly what they needed.

"Oluo found Zeke's cigarette pack inside the apartment," he said, throwing it on Erwin's desk.

"It's not his," there wasn’t even a hint of doubt in his voice. Erwin didn’t even glance twice at the evidence presented to him. "Zeke would never be so careless. Someone's trying to sabotage him, and they are not very good at it."

“So you think it’s someone else?”

“Naturally.”

Erwin’s confidence eased a portion of his worries. If he and Hange were of the same mind, then it must be the truth. At least, he didn’t let Hange meet up with a potential culprit all by herself. Not that it gradually quelled his concern, but it was something…

“Zeke Yeager…” Oluo mumbled, biting his thumb. “Yeager, Yeager… I heard this name somewhere…”

“Huh?” Levi raised an eyebrow, looking quizzically at him.

“Yeager!” he exclaimed, his eyes lightening up. “Of course! Yes, now it came back to me!”

“What came back?” Levi demanded, glaring at Oluo in annoyance. God, how he hated being kept in the dark…

Oluo didn’t respond, irritating Levi even more. Instead he reached Erwin’s desk in two short strides, pushing him aside. “May I, sir?”

“Be my guest,” Erwin made a welcoming gesture, pulling his chair back. “If you know something, then…”

“Could be just a coincidence,”Oluo muttered, as he opened the database on Erwin’s computer. “But…”

For a long moment nothing happened. The office was silent, except for the sounds of typing on a keyboard, and Oluo’s quiet murmurs.  

Levi shared a look with Erwin. He shrugged helplessly, seeming just as bewildered by Oluo’s actions, as Levi himself felt.

“Aha!” he beamed, finally showing Erwin what he found. “Like I said, could be just a coincidence, but I came across name Yeager before. Here.”

“A family murdered in their own house,” Erwin began reading, his eyes quickly scanning the page. “Wife and husband found dead in their own bedroom by their fourteen year old son, who came back from a sleepover. The identity of a murderer remains unknown.”

“It was the first case I took as I started working,” Oluo confessed, scratching his neck. “That’s why it stuck with me. Don’t know if it has any connections to your Zeke…”

“The father of the family, Grisha Yeager,” Levi read the name from behind Erwin’s shoulder. “Zeke is his son. From the first marriage, but still… Maybe, he was murdered, because someone wanted to get back at Zeke.”

“And now that same someone wants to finish the job,” Erwin agreed. “The culprit was never found after all. It’s a solid theory.”

“Or as solid as we can get for now,” Levi nodded.

"It's different from other cases, though,” Erwin contemplated thoughtfully, his gaze turning distant, as he taped his finger against the desk.

"Other cases?" Oluo shuddered. "Are you talking about recent... Murder cases?" he paled, his lower lip trembled, and Levi started to regret bringing him here. They needed to keep their heads clear. Petra needed them to keep their heads clear. There was no time for worrying and panicking right now.

In Levi’s experience, that attitude could only lead to more tragedy.

"It's obviously different with Petra," Erwin said, his voice going an octave softer. Levi stared at him, almost gawking. Erwin wasn't the man to give empty promises. Either he was that optimistic about this whole ordeal, or... Levi preferred not to think about the other possibility.

"Levi?" Erwin turned to him. "What do you think?"

"I think Oluo is right, Petra was taken by someone close to Zeke. But either it was the same perpetrator from before or someone else, it remains to be unknown," he replied. "And I think we don't have any time to waste."

"Agreed," Erwin clenched his jaw, his brows furrowed. "I'll talk with Pixis and Nile, ask if they know anything or if they have any people they can spare... We need to start the search..."

"Sannes!" Oluo suddenly exclaimed, startling Erwin and Levi. "Sannes, we should check him first! We’ve planted a bug on him just yesterday!"

"Fuck," Levi groaned in frustration, feeling like the biggest and the most useless idiot in the world. He had completely forgotten about it.

"I didn't see him at work today," Erwin noted. "Perhaps, it's worth checking it out. Take care of it, Levi."

"Will do," he nodded. "Permission to go?"

"Report to me once you find anything," Erwin stood up. "I'll go to Pixis and Nile."

Levi nodded again, and left the office, his steps swift and heavy.

 ***

"Could it be our lead?" Oluo asked.

They've listened through every conversation that Sannes had that day and the day before. And only one of them, the one where he had agreed to a meeting with an unknown man, had raised Levi's suspicion.

"Not sure if we can call it a lead," he mumbled, biting his lip. There was no word about Petra and no mention of the actual location, but it was something they could work with. It was a starting point, at the very least. Much better than nothing. "But it's definitely a clue. Come on, we need to continue our investigation."

"Meaning..."

"Meaning we're going to break into Sannes' office and see if we can find something inside. Don't worry," he clasped Oluo's shoulder with just a little too much force. Oluo coughed, almost doubling over under Levi’s hard hand. "Nothing you hadn't done before."

  ***

“Zeke is a fool,” the man sneered, his voice full of disgust. “He’s not the man he was before. Ever since he took in that Zoe, he made mistake after mistake. It’s time to put an end to this. It’s time for someone else to take over his legacy. Our gang needs a new leader. Someone, who has as much potential as Zeke, but who doesn’t yet possess any of his flaws. Someone, who is cunning and ruthless. There is only one man who can do this," he finished, and even from afar Petra could see a shine of adoration in his eyes.

Sannes scoffed, rolling his eyes, not moved by the passionate speech at all. "And who is that?"

"No one can achieve the greatness Zeke once possessed. Except," the man smiled, and the sight of it made shivers run down Petra's spine.

"His own brother."

"You've gone mad," Sannes rolled his eyes, still unconvinced. "You've lost it completely, and now you want to drag me down with you. I refuse. Good luck getting arrested, but I’m out of here.”

“You’ll regret this, Sannes,” the man promised, his eyes flashing. “You’ll come begging for us to take you back in no time.”

“I really doubt that, boy,” Sannes sneered, his face showing nothing but disgust. “And if you’re going to actually proceed with your plan, then be ready to meet Ackerman. Believe me, it won’t be a pleasing experience. See you in prison,” he finished, and left, throwing the door shut.

As soon as Sannes had stormed out, the man with an eerie smile turned around to face her.

Instantly, Petra closed her eyes and lowered her head, but the man simply laughed.

"There is no need to pretend," he spoke, shortening the distance between them. "I know you've been awake for quite some time, detective Ral."

She looked up then, saying nothing and glaring at him beneath her bangs. Just the sight of that man left her breathless, her heart beating so loudly she could hear it in her ears, but she wouldn’t show him her fear. She was better than this. He may have had an ultimate upper hand over her, but she would never give him the satisfaction of seeing her tremble.

"I think we've started off on a wrong foot," the man smiled, the shadow of a lightbulb above him making him look even creepier. "I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Floch, nice to meet you!"

With the same crazy smile on his lips, he reached out and patted her shoulder. Petra winced, unable to move away from the undesired touch.

"What do you want from me?" she hissed, trying to hide the shaking in her voice. As discreetly as possible, she tried to loosen her restraints. In movies she watched with Erd, Gunter and Oluo, heroes always freed themselves so easily, the ropes being nothing more than a nuisance. But in reality, they didn't bulge an inch. Petra searched through her mind, trying to remember what characters from those movies did. Wiggle out of the restrains? Broke their wrists? Or was it applicable only for the handcuffs? Shit. She should have watched more movies like this, instead of melodramas and rom-coms. Shifting her attention back to the present, she stared up at her captor, still glaring at him defiantly.

"What do I want from you? The same thing I wanted from the others."

The same thing he wanted from the others? But the others were... dead. Petra suppressed a shiver.

"It's nothing personal, really,” he continued in the same careless manner. “All I need from you is to motivate your partner."

"Levi?" Petra gasped. "What it has to do with him?"

To her surprise, the man shrugged. "Nothing, really. In a way," he swept his hand across the room. "He's just a victim of circumstances. He's one of the best detectives in this city and he has a personal connection with Zeke. It'd be a shame not to use him."

"But why do you need him?" she pulled on the ropes, leaning closer towards the man and looking deep inside his eyes, trying to see right through him, trying to understand him. "Why can't you just kill Zeke and be done with it?"

The man tutted, shaking his head. "That's not what I—" there it was, that same pleased, creepy smile. "What we want to do. Taking Zeke's life would be too easy. We want to destroy it. But unfortunately," he continued in a voice of badly feigned sympathy. "You're not the main event here."

"Not the main event?" Petra echoed, confused. If it wasn't her, then....

"Not sure if you've met...” his eyes lightened up with something dark and dangerous. The smile on his face grew wider, more sinister. “But surely you've heard of one Hange Zoe?"

"Hah," a short chuckle escaped her lips. Very soon it turned into a full blown laughter. Petra would have clenched her sides if she wasn't tied up, she would have doubled over, hands on her knees and chest heaving, overcome with a sudden feat of giggles.

"What are you laughing at?" Floch inquired, the smile disappearing under a frown.

"You, of course," Petra answered, still breathless. "You're a bigger fool than I thought. To think that you can take on Hange Zoe..." of course, he had already gotten her, but Floch had taken her by surprise and she wasn't nearly as experienced and skilled as Hange. And even if they do somehow catch Hange... "Levi would never let you even get close to her. More than that," Petra raised her chin, a confident smirk pulling on her lips. "I'm sure he'll show up here so very soon. He'll save me and ruin your stupid plan. Then you'll be rotting in jail alongside your Zeke."

"We'll see about that," Floch promised through gritted teeth. "Wait a couple of hours, detective, and we'll see if your optimism would remain just as strong."

He gave her a furious look and then did a sharp turn, heading to the door.

“Enjoy your last hours. I’ll come to check up on you later.”

With that he had left, and Petra finally managed to breathe normally.

*** "Weren't you supposed to be good at this?" Levi dryly inquired. With a bored expression on his face, he was leaning against the wall, watching Oluo fiddle with a lock on the door to Sannes' office.

"I never said I was," Oluo grunted, wiping sweat from his forehead. His head darted from one side to other, checking if the hallway remained empty. "It's my first time breaking into someone's office, you know."

"Eh?" Levi frowned, confused. "Then how did you and Petra get in the other day?"

"I stole a key," Oluo huffed.

Levi rolled his eyes, pushing Oluo aside. "Let me handle it then. You go and stand on a lookout."

Oluo didn't need to be asked twice. He got his fair share of bullying from Levi today. With an annoyed but very quiet - he wasn’t so thrilled about receiving even more insults - sigh, he rose to his feet, going to do what Levi had requested of him. He didn’t even reach the end of a hallway, and Levi was calling out to him.

"Already?" his eyebrows went up. "You broke the lock so quickly? How?"

"Well," Levi shrugged and pushed the door open, sporting an almost smug expression. "Let's just say I wasn't always a law-abiding policeman."

"So cool..." Oluo whispered in reverence, as he followed Levi inside the office.

In Oluo's humble opinion and in comparison to a small cubicle he shared with Erd, Sannes' office was huge. A large desk, a wide bookshelf that took up most of the wall, a leather couch and a mini-fridge with a coffee machine and a microwave oven? If affiliating yourself with criminals meant you can have a workplace like this... Oluo wasn't that opposed to the idea anymore.

But they took Petra, he reminded himself. They were the bad guys, even if they were much richer and more successful than he could ever be. They certainly didn’t deserve any of it. And his job was to catch them. 

"So what should be our starting point?" he asked Levi.

"You could start with telling me what the fuck you are doing inside my damn office."

With heart in his throat, Oluo whirled around. As his eyes met Sannes' dark and furious ones, Oluo gulped, slowly taking a step back.

He chanced a glance at Levi and was surprised to see that he didn't look as scared and panicked as Oluo himself felt.

Quite the contrary.

"Sannes." he snarled.

With wide eyes and mouth open in shock, Oluo watched how Levi manhandled Sannes, a man, who was almost twice his size. He pushed him to the wall, fisting hands into his shirt.

"Where is Petra, you scumbag?" he hissed into his face. "Where are you holding her?"

“Let go of me, you freak!” Sannes shouted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Oh, but you do,” Levi’s voice dropped even lower, almost resembling a growl. “You know about everything – Zeke’s dealings, Petra’s kidnapping, Hange’s survival,” he pulled Sannes even closer. “So I repeat my question – where are you holding her?”

"I don't know!" Sannes wheezed out, already out of breath.

"Bullshit," Levi answered, his voice so dark and dangerous it made shivers run down Oluo's back. And he wasn’t the one Levi was talking to. He really didn’t envy Sannes right now. "You know it, and if you're not a complete idiot, you're going to tell me everything right fucking now."

Sannes looked down at him, his gaze calculating.  "If I tell you, do you promise not to reveal my connection with Zeke?"

"No,” Levi answered coolly, shaking Sannes once more. “But you're going to tell me anyway."

Sannes closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose. "Fine,” he said. “I'll tell you everything. Just let me go."

"Smart choice," Levi murmured and instantly took a step back.

Sannes sighed, running a shaky hand through his hair. "He's keeping her at the docks,” he mumbled, his face aimed at the ground. “I'll send you the exact location."

"Good," Levi nodded, much calmer now. "And after you do that, go straight to Erwin. If I were you, I wouldn't make him wait. Perhaps, he'd be more merciful then. Although,” he added, sending Sannes one last glare. “I doubt he actually would."

Levi turned on his heels then, walking out of the office. Oluo stayed behind for a second longer, a pressing need to ask Sannes a question arising in him.

"Petra?" his voice broke on her name, but Oluo willed himself to stand strong, looking up at Sannes without an ounce of fear. "Is she alright?"

"Dragged and unconscious," Sannes replied, rubbing the spot where Levi had grabbed him. "But she's unharmed. For now."

For now. Those two words made his knees buckle. They needed to hurry. Petra's life was on the line.

***

With sweat dripping down her face and completely out of breath, Hange finally reached Zeke's hideout.

Panting like a chain-smoker and with her leg muscles burning, she climbed all four sets of stairs, cursing Zeke all the while. Why couldn't he put his office on the first floor? Or next to a police precinct? Would have made her life so much easier.

As expected, Zeke was inside his meeting room, smoking. The fat rings of smoke were flowing around the room, flying just below the ceiling before dissipating into nothingness. Hange narrowed her eyes, squinting at the cigarette in his fingers. Could the cigarette from Petra’s apartment really belong to him? Perhaps, they should have run some tests on it… No, Hange shook her head. Zeke was innocent - at least, in that regard.

She looked around the room, nodding at Pieck and Porco, who, as usual, were sitting next to their boss.

"Ah, my dear Hange!" sweeping the ash from his cigarette, Zeke raised his hands, opening them in a welcoming gesture. "What brings you here? Already missed us?" he winked and Hange scoffed.

"Missed your ugly face?” she rolled her eyes. “Not in a million years."

Zeke shook his head, his gaze filling with disappointment. "Detective Ackerman has a terrible influence on your sense of humor," he complained, his expression turning sourer.

"Whatever," Hange fell down on a chair next to him. "I came to ask you for help. Petra is missing."

"Petra?" Zeke frowned, looking genuinely confused. The lost look inside his eyes cemented Hange's conclusion that he wasn't the one involved in her kidnapping. Zeke was sleazy and unreliable, but he was also a very bad liar. Well, that meant they managed to rule out one possible suspect…

"Yes, Petra. Levi's partner."

"Ah, he found a new one already?" Zeke spread his lips into a wide, self-contained smirk. "Not very loyal, is he?"

More loyal than you will ever be, Hange wanted to say, but stopped herself. Now was not the time to start a pointless squabble.

"Do you know something or not?" she demanded from him.

"I don't," Zeke answered, putting a cigarette to his lips and exhaling the smoke right in Hange's face. He knew how much she hated it, asshole. She waved the smoke away, scowling fiercely. "But I do know one thing," he turned to Porco. "The time has come, start packing."

Without asking for clarification, Porco nodded, thrusted hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and hurriedly left.

Hange watched him go, stunned. Was Zeke planning something? What could it be? Why didn’t she know about it?

There was only one way to find out. She surveyed Zeke’s face carefully, trying to see his motives reflected there.

"Packing? To where? What the hell are you talking about, Zeke?"

"Don't worry about our destination," he patted her hand, looking so condensing Hange had to clench her fists to stop herself from punching the bastard. "You're going with us after all."

"Like hell I will!" Hange threw his hands off, glaring at Zeke. "And you can’t seriously expect me to follow you. What does all of it mean?"

Zeke shrugged, lightening up another cigarette and taking a long drag. "It's the grand finale, Zoe. The dramatic climax, the thrilling last act. And I was never the one for theatrics. So I'll leave the stage and go on my way."

"You promised to help," Hange grunted. She couldn't believe it, she actually trusted the bastard, and now he tries to escape? She wouldn't let him. "Or did you lie to us?"

"I wasn't lying," Zeke scoffed. "Like I said, I don't enjoy the drama. I simply changed my mind."

"So you won't honor your promise?"

Zeke rolled his eyes. "Zoe, please. I'm a criminal. The word honor was never in my vocabulary."

"Fine," Hange huffed, blowing hair out of her face. The attempt to awaken his consciousness failed. Maybe, she could appeal to his ego instead… "But someone is targeting you. Don't you want to know who it is?"

"Not particularly,” Zeke shook his head. “Since they went through all that trouble just to get me, I'd rather we never meet. Lord knows what they're going to do then, and, unlike you, detective, I know what self-preservation means."

"So that's it? You're just going to leave?"

Hange couldn’t believe it. She knew Zeke was a scumbag, but goddamn it. She didn’t expect him to be that untrustworthy.

"Of course, I’m not going to just leave," Zeke smiled. "I'll take you with me. To make sure that no one is going to follow us."

Hange snorted. "You're that delusional? I told you already, I'd rather die than go anywhere with you."

"Be it as you wish," he said. "Pieck," he lazily outstretched his hand to her. "Make our dear detective cooperate. Do with her what you want, but make sure she won’t get in our way."

Hange turned to Pieck, her heart skipping a beat. She held her breath and tensed her muscles, anticipating her first move. She could take Pieck in a fight, in theory. But in reality, she came unarmed, and Pieck always carried a gun. And a couple of knifes.

And Hange wasn't sure that her wits were much sharper.

There was a bit, the air in the room growing stiff. Hange swallowed, her one eye narrowed, as she watched Pieck. Maybe, if she makes the first move—

"No." Pieck said suddenly.

For a moment, there was silence. Hange sat there, dumbfounded, staring at Pieck and feeling utterly lost. She didn’t mishear? Did Pieck really—

Next to her, Zeke seemed to have the exact same trouble. He blinked a few times and then his expression changed, turning into a look of betrayal and fury.

"What did you just say?" he snarled, baring teeth at her.

"No," Pieck repeated, staring straight at him, not swayed by his outburst. "I won't touch Hange, and you, Zeke, will go with her and surrender to the police."

"What do you think—"

"Stop it, Zeke," Pieck sighed tiredly. "Own up to your shit and stop running away. Do you really not get it? If you do this right now, whether you'll kill Hange or take her with you, this—" she gestured around, her gaze on Zeke hard and disappointed. "This running and hiding will never end. If you touch a hair on her head, detective Ackerman will get you even from underneath the Earth. Accept it, Zeke," she stood up and squeezed his shoulder. "You've lost that battle the moment you started it. You simply picked up the wrong opponents."

With slow, elegant steps Pieck approached Hange and bent down to leave a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Goodbye, Hange," she murmured, tucking a hair behind her ear. "It's been fun."

In spite of herself, Hange smiled. Sarcastic, adorable Pieck always had such an effect on her. "Are you leaving already?" she asked, touching a place where Pieck's lips met her skin.

"Well," Pieck grinned. "Pock had started packing, right?"

"And where are you going?" Zeke wondered, his lips pressed in a line and hands crossed at his chest. He stubbornly refused to even glance at Pieck.

"A secret," she chirped, smiling cheerfully. "But I'll make sure to send a postcard. Hange, I'll send yours to detective Ackerman's address?” she winked, chuckling at the sight of red color on Hange’s cheek. “And, Zeke? You'll be staying at the state prison, right?"

"Oh fuck off, Pieck," he groaned. "Go away already."

Their eyes met for a second, and Zeke's gaze softened ever so slightly. "Try not to get caught, will you?"

"Roger that, chief!" Pieck saluted, kissed Zeke too and then headed to the entrance, gliding on the floor and humming under her breath.

"You two should talk," she advised Hange and Zeke, and then quietly closed the door.

As soon as Pieck was gone, Zeke dropped his head on his hands, sighing in frustration.

"How the fuck do you do it, Zoe?" he sent her a side-glance. "How the fuck do you manage to inspire that kind of loyalty in people?"

Hange shrugged, sitting back in a chair, and curled her lips in a crooked grin. "Try not being a complete jerk, perhaps?"

"Fuck off," he retorted, hiding his face again. "You'll send me to jail, right?"

"R-right," Hange sang. "And before that, you'll help us looking for Petra."

"And if I refuse?"

"Initially, I planned to be the one organizing your arrest. But I can give that honor to Levi..."

Zeke visibly shuddered.

"Fine," he looked up, fixing the glasses on his face and brushing the hair back from his forehead. "I'll help you. Now get the hell out of here."

Hange arched an eyebrow. "You're coming with me, you know that?"

"I'll come," he huffed. "I promise. For real this time," he added, when Hange just kept giving him an unimpressed look. "Just give me half an hour to get all of my possessions in order, would you? I don't know if I'll be coming back after all."

"Half an hour." Hange nodded, looking at him strictly. "If you don't show up in half an hour, I'm sending Levi to get you."

She would have stayed behind and monitored him, but time was of the essence. She promised Levi she'd back in two hours. And the watch was telling her it was almost an hour past that. She needed to get back, and quickly. Hurrying out of the building, Hange rushed to the precinct.

But in her haste to get back to Levi, she didn't see a swift shadow that followed right after her.

***

One way, then the other, back and forth, left and right, Levi paced around the room.  

Seven. That was the amount of steps needed to get from one end of Erwin's office to the other.

Levi glanced out of the window, and then turned around, starting anew. He clenched and unclenched his fists, thinking if he should look at his phone again. Maybe, he missed a message? Didn't hear its ringing? Maybe, she had already replied to a dozen of his texts and calls?

"Levi," a heavy hand fell on his shoulder, making him stop in his tracks. "Levi, we can't wait any longer," again, Erwin's voice was so much gentler than usual, and that alone should have been enough for him to realize that he was being irrational. That, the eyes of a dozen other policemen, gathered in Erwin’s office, who looked at him with a mix of worry and sympathy.

"We have the location," Erwin reminded, bringing him back to present.

"I know."

"We have the team."

"I know."

"We have a plan."

"I know," Levi gritted through teeth. "But we do not have Hange!"

Frustrated, he turned away from Erwin. He took out his phone, holding it tightly.

Why didn't she call? Why didn't pick up the phone and answer his texts? Where the fuck was she? She promised to be back in two hours. Almost three passed and no sign of that messy, four-eyed brilliant weirdo. The knot in his stomach grew tighter with each passing second.

Logically, he knew Hange could be simply running late. She could be stuck in traffic or she could be busy trying to get some kind of useful information out of Zeke. But while Hange was never the one to care about such trite matters as punctuality and she could easily get absentminded and usually appeared to be scatterbrained and frivolous, she was so very different during the times like this. Times, when lives were on the line. Hange never let herself be so unfocused, that’s why Levi was so worried now. He was anxious, and he knew that feeling won't go away until he sets his eyes on Hange, alive, breathing and well. He just got her back, the thought of losing her… Levi cursed, checking the phone again.

"Levi..." Erwin sighed, patting his shoulder. "You know, we can't waste our time."

He knew that. Petra needed their help, needed him. He couldn't let her down, but still...

Hange, oh god, Hange. He couldn’t lose her. Not again.

"Perhaps, detective Zoe isn't going to come back," came a quiet murmur from the corner of the room.

Levi’s head whirled in that direction, and, in a flash, he was beside him. "What did you just say?" he demanded from Oluo, barely stopping himself from grabbing him just as forcefully as he had done with Sannes.  

Oluo swallowed, a trail of sweat rolling down his face, but he stared back at Levi, raising his chin.

"She was working with an enemy for more than two years. Maybe, she was the one who kidnapped Petra."

Levi closed his eyes, counting to ten in his head. He was not going to lose it right now. He was not. Not when Erwin - and a dozen other of his colleagues - were looking at him.

"Bozado," he began as calmly as he was able in that moment. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course, sir!" he answered without a moment of hesitation.

"Good," Levi nodded. "You trust me. And I trust Hange. With my life. And if you are at least half as smart as you're trying to appear, you'll trust her too. If you're not ready to,” his gaze grew harder, enabling Oluo from turning away. “Then get the fuck out of my team. If you doubt Hange, you doubt me, and I can’t work like that, I have to trust my people. So what do you say – are you leaving or staying?"

"I'm... I'm staying with you, sir."

"Alright," Levi watched Oluo’s face for another second, his eyes narrowed. Would he follow his orders without question? It seemed like he would. He hoped so, at least. With a low, thoughtful hum, Levi turned to Erwin. "We can start the operation. Bozado will lead my team."

He pointedly ignored the shocked gasp from Oluo. The boy wasn’t nearly as experienced, wasn’t even a detective, but their mission was to get back Petra. And Levi believed Oluo wouldn’t let himself fuck it all up.

It's obvious he has feelings for her, Hange once told him. She was right that time, but then again – when she wasn’t?

"And you, Levi?" Erwin asked.

"Half an hour," he promised. "Half an hour, and I'll be at the location."

Hange swore to come back to him. This time, Levi won't let her broke that promise.

Closing the door behind himself, he hurried to Zeke. He prayed that Hange was alright. Zeke wouldn’t get out of this alive, if she weren’t.

***

The silence pressed onto her. The silence, the waiting for god knows what - it was all making Petra go slowly insane. She wanted to hear something, any sound would do at this point.

Or so she thought.

But then Floch came back, sauntering inside and still sporting the same deranged grin, and Petra realized that she preferred silence so much more than the low, out of tune humming mixed with the sound of him polishing the various knifes taken from a long table in front of him.

She squirmed, the ropes digging into her skin even more. It would leave bruises, she thought absentmindedly.

Bruises? She chided herself almost immediately. Who would care about bruises if they find her dead? She suppressed another shiver.

They won't find her dead, Petra tried to persuade herself. They won't, because so very soon Levi would be here, and he'll save her. Perhaps, detective Hange would be with him, maybe, Oluo too...

She had friends who cared about her. They won't let her be murdered. She just had to keep believing in them.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked Floch, trying to distract herself from the thousand of horrible what ifs.

Why haven’t you— no, she wouldn’t ask him that. She would remain optimistic.

“You’ll see very soon,” he told her enigmatically. “My friend is almost here.”

His friend? Did he mean Zeke’s brother? The one, who had planned it all? And what would happen, when he comes? Would he—

No, she stopped herself once again. She needed to hold onto that hope. She needed to stay strong.

The sound of footsteps somewhere above her startled Petra. Hearing them too, Floch started chuckling. He turned to Petra, pressing a finger to his lips.

“That’s my friend,” he whispered quietly, as though it was the biggest secret in the world. “And he brought someone with him.”

The next second, the door opened and a man – so young, probably in his early twenties – stumbled in. He was hobbling slightly, his hand pressed to a place just below his hairline. His face was a mess – split lip, bruised eye that already started to turn deep purple, bloodied nose and forehead.

“You didn’t tell me she was a fucking psycho,” he grumbled, glaring daggers at Floch. “I wouldn’t have a chance, if I wasn’t armed.”

“But?” Floch passed him a white cloth to wipe off the blood. “You’ve caught her, right?” his voice was full of hope, and his fingers were trembling in anticipation.

“She’s in my car, dragged out of her mind. Help me get her here.”

“With pleasure,” Floch turned to Petra, winking. “You’ll have company so very soon, detective. I hope you’re excited! I am!”

He didn’t stop to hear her response, following after his friend and leaving her alone once again.

It was possibly her last chance, she realized. Petra desperately pulled on the ropes, trying to get away, but to no avail. She couldn’t move an inch, and it seemed like the more she struggled, the tighter her bindings became.

Not enough time passed, before Floch had returned, dragging a body inside. His friend put the chair, right next to Petra, and Floch dropped the body there.

No, not just some body, Petra realized. Fear crippled inside her, seizing her heart in its merciless hold.

Not just some body, Hange Zoe’s body.

Her head was bowed, but even from where she was sitting, in a poorly lit room, Petra could see blood dripping down her cheek and neck.

So much blood, she thought. She was breathing, albeit faintly. But she wasn’t waking up.

Her heart stopped, as Petra realized another thing – if Hange was there, no one was looking for her. And if no one was looking… then Hange and she… they would most probably… not be found.

At least, not alive, or so it seemed.

Petra tried to hold onto that sliver of hope, but with Hange Zoe’s bloodied face in her line of sight, it was getting increasingly harder and harder to.

[seattlesea]

✨My (maybe) Unpopular Heroes of Olympus Opinions✨

(maybe part one??? idk)

-I don’t really ship any of the main canon ships in HoO. None of them had any chemistry and most of them are either pedophilic, forced and rushed, or toxic in some way

-Most of the characters that were shoved into relationships (Leo, Nico, and Hazel especially) really did not need a love interest to complete their character arcs and their relationships ended up boring and flat cause Riordan just wanted everyone to have a love interest and it never went deeper than the skin

-Piper took advantage over Jason’s amnesiac state and manipulated him. She really went ‘But what if he has a girlfriend he can’t remember 👉👈 it would be wrong to start a relationship with him while he still has amnesia 👉👈 and cause it was based off lies and fake memories 👉👈 lmao imma just jump all over him and make him fall for me while he’s still amnesiac 🤪’ as if that’s not taking advantage over someone’s mental state

-And then she blamed her relationship being forced on Aphrodite and Hera saying they ‘forced her into a relationship’ and ‘arranged their relationship’ even though Aphrodite never said anything about or did anything to them and Hera gave Piper fake memories of them being a couple but it was Piper’s conscious choice to act out on those memories she knew were fake and her relationship was in no way influenced by anyone (especially Hera and Aphrodite) other than herself

-Shelper and Solangelo were way too rushed and forced (inside and outside of the books) and were only added for publicity, plus it seems like most of the fandom only like them cause they’re LGBTQ+ ships

-I hate Pipeyna and Pipabeth. My girls (especially Reyna) deserve better than some manipulative little girl who went ‘we were friends? no weren’t ❤️’

-The fandom portrays the characters really inaccurately (tweaking them a bit for humor is fine, but changing their entire personality is a different thing)

-The movies actually aren’t that bad when not compared to the books (I mean, you gotta admit- it’s pretty good effects for 2010)

-And speaking of the movies, they did a better job at portraying Thalia and Annabeth’s relationship in one movie than Riordan did in 5+ books

-Speaking of which, Riordan wrote pretty much every platonic friendship that weren’t Thalia/Nico and Reyna horribly and most of them shouldn’t have been friends and wasted all the potential for the good friendships

-Calypso should’ve joined the Hunters, not Reyna

-Annabeth and Piper are horrible friends lmao (separately and together)

-Silena is a hero and deserves redemption, but Luke doesn’t despite most of the fandom agreeing he does (he was a pedophile y’all)

-The fandom over-exaggerated the Tartarus fall, it wasn’t really that bad tbh

-Reyna is stronger and a better leader than Annabeth

-Annabeth’s intelligence is more tell than show (and quite a few characters including Leo, Reyna, and Octavian have shown more intelligence than her)

-Riordan over-glorifies and overpowers Percy way too much. Just cause he’s the main character doesn’t mean he has to be the best of the best after barely 8 months of training (four years at CHB only in the summers is 8 months total)

-Speaking of which, Jason can beat Percy (8 months versus Jason’s twelve years) and so can Annabeth, Reyna, Thalia, Hylla, Luke, Hazel and maybe Frank and Nico. Percy’s skill is overrated and unrealistic

-And I feel like most of the fandom knows that Jason can beat Percy but just doesn’t want to admit it cause they like Percy more

-Same thing with the Greeks and Romans- the majority know the Romans are stronger and can easily beat the Greeks but they don’t want to believe it cause they favor the Greeks more

-Percy and Annabeth shouldn’t have been part of the Seven, they already had their chance to shine. Riordan should’ve brought minor characters into light instead

-And Piper shouldn’t have been part of the Seven either. Riordan really expects me to believe that she’s stronger, more powerful, and a greater/better hero and deserved to be part of the Seven more than Reyna, Nico, Clarisse, Thalia, etc.?

-Riordan’s women line-up of Reyna, Annabeth, Hazel, and Piper was really cheap and boring (Avengers: Endgame women line-up who?)

-Percy (in HoO) and Piper are easily some of the worst, most underdeveloped characters Riordan has ever written

-Annabeth got really bland and weak in HoO and couldn’t do shit for herself without others (especially newbies) having to help and/or save her. She pretty much became exclusively Percy fangirl

-As much as I like them, Frank and Hazel don’t have what it takes to be Praetors and Reyna and Jason should’ve stayed as them

-Jason’s whole ‘am I more Greek or Roman’ arc was dumb af

-Riordan’s bias towards the Romans is also dumb af (the Romans could beat the Greeks in an instant)

-Jeyna is and always will be 1000x better than Jiper

-Hazel is the most powerful demigod (way more than Percy and even Jason)

-My hot take on who should’ve been the Seven: Reyna, Nico, Thalia, Frank, Hazel, Leo, and Clovis (son of the god of sleep puts Gaea back to sleep who?)

-Riordan confirming Piper bi was a cheap move to make her more likable. It didn’t even make any sense. A character is confirmed LGBT only after they become a minor character despite being a main character before and kisses some random unnamed girl only three months after her ex-boyfriend whom she still loved dies??? girl what??? Kinda obvious it was just for publicity. Like- Riordan, honey, the LGBTQ+ community is not a circus you can plop your characters into to make them more entertaining❤️

-The PJ series as a whole isn’t that creative. It’s legit just a copy of exactly what past mythological figures have already done and a bunch of character tropes and clichés shoved into one book

-And in general it’s not even that well-written (like HP, it’s over-exaggerated a lot)

-All of the romantic relationships and platonic friendships are extremely unrealistic. Like they never argue/fight, disagree, etc. (then grow stronger from those fights) at all??? Even if they’re complete opposites???

-Reyna is the best-written character in the whole series and a queen she deserved better and y’all sit on her too much

-Theyna is ✨amazing✨ their dynamic and chemistry was just *mwah Pansexual Muslim blessings to you* and people are allowed to ship them even though they’re Hunters and swore off love

-Rachel doesn’t deserve all the hate she gets. Y’all hate on her cause she crushed on Percy when half of you are doing the same thing and then y’all go and ship Percy with Nico, Jason, Artemis, Athena, etc. 

-If y’all want to hate on Jason for ‘not having a personality’ you’d also have to hate on most of the main HoO characters except Reyna, Nico, and Leo (and maybe Hazel) for the same reason cause they have the exact same problem tbh

-Zoë and Bianca’s deaths weren’t actually that sad. We didn’t get to see them enough nor did they have enough development for their deaths to have a real impact. The only sad thing about them was Zoë’s last words and Nico’s reaction

-Thalia needed more time in the books

-Reyna was the only main female character in HoO that wasn’t a boring, bland Mary Sue that all the other characters automatically loved. She was the only one with real flaws and distinct personality traits she’s my queen

-Piper, Annabeth, and Calypso did have flaws but the fact that they weren’t called out by other characters or even noticed are what makes them Mary Sues. It doesn’t matter how many flaws a character has, if they’re not called out by other characters (more specifically, other protagonists who actually like them) they don’t count as real character flaws

-Riordan can’t write female characters for shit

-Clarisse, Drew, and Octavian deserved better than being completely antagonized for no explained reason other than to make the protagonists seem better and to make the readers root for them. Those three had more potential than most of the Seven combined

-The whole ‘Aphrodite kids don’t train’ thing is bs. It’s specifically stated that all the demigods follow a strict schedule and have to follow it or they’ll be on stable duty or smth and the Aphrodite kids shouldn’t (and can’t) be excused from that

-Therefore, Drew should be way more powerful and skilled than Piper, at least enough to not back down automatically from a duel by a newbie who hasn’t even learned how to fight (Drew can control an entire cabin of people at once and Piper can barely control one person at a time, who’s more powerful again??)

-Also I have no idea why Riordan portrays all the Aphrodite kids as weak and girly in the first place. ‘Femininity’ and ‘weakness’ are not synonymous and ‘love’ and ‘beauty’ don’t equal ‘feminine’

-Speaking of which, love is actually really powerful but Piper doesn’t stand for love or ‘inner beauty’ and all her ‘thoughtful/insightful’ quotes in ToA/TBM about love were complete bs

-Riordan using the LGBTQ+ community for the sole purpose of making Piper seem more likable and ‘special’ was disgusting and proves he thinks that straight is the default- “...Or Hera’s ideas of what a perfect couple looked like. Piper finding her own way, not the one people expected of her” my ass. In other words, he’s saying ‘The expectations for love and the idea of a perfect couple are a heterosexual relationship, and anyone who 'finds their own way instead of the ones people expect’ are different’. ‘Different’ and ‘default’ are antonyms, so if you think LGBT people are different, then you think that straight is the default. Aphrodite is the goddess of love not heteronormative bullshit. Like Riordan, honey, you’re the one who thinks that the expectations for love and the idea of a perfect couple are heterosexual couples, not fictional gods from a fictional mythology. Remember kiddos- an author writes their own beliefs

If you don’t agree with some of these that’s fine sis it doesn’t matter if you have different opinions than me❤️