#he is one of the few members i recognize tbh but ill go to bad for haechan like my guys a 00 liner AND a gemini like

[wooahaes]

realistically i couldnt date him bc the minute hes genuinely hurt by something one of the other members said, sm is gonna have to start looking for a replacement for whoever i had to throw hands with!!!!!

[oceanselevenism]

I've seen that most of the stories on ao3 about them are mostly canon-compliant (and I don't have anything against that tbh) but I was wondering if you have any aus that you think could fit them or that you'd like to see?

omg i have SO MANY aus!! (it got Very Long so its under a cut)

- college au! danny gets kicked out (hes on full scholarship and does Thiefly Things to cover his expenses so hes not endangered just fairly fucked up abt it) (does it count as kicked out if u only live w ur dad three months a year) in freshman year, he befriends rusty (1 year below him) in sophomore year, debbie also befriends rusty (she and danny dont talk much but shes 2 yrs below him at the same college), and when reuben comes calling for a job he thinks debbie has a boyfriend (thanks to debbie telling her dad that she does) so she fake dates rusty. who ends up joining the job. and danny is Very Jealous

- snl ripoff au! danny and rusty are the weekend-update-adjacent anchors and they get gay. i Would have this take place in la (reuben is taking A Risk producing a late night sketch comedy show on the west coast but the 11/12/however fuckin many are fantastic cast members so even though they lose revenue from the other timezones not watching as much as they watch snl or whatever, they still make BANK... but danny and rusty getting gay throws the equilibrium out of whack) BUT la sucks DICK so its happening in new york. also this way u get Ocean Sibling Banter (debbie and lou are the anchors for The Actual Weekend Update and when debbie/lou get together and also when danny/rusty get together there are so many ‘just switch out the blondes/brunettes nobody will be able to tell and we won’t have hr down our necks’ jokes)

- au where the caldwells, abt to go deep undercover on a Huge Fucking Case, have to give up custody of 6 year old linus to tess and danny. the case stretches on for twelve years and linus grows up w tess and danny (who get divorced like right after they adopt him bc tess finds out abt dannys Thiefly Activities-- he confesses to her bc he doesnt rly want to predispose the kid to said thiefly activities) and also isabel (she and rusty break up like Right Before tess and dannys wedding and its very funny; she then goes on to marry tess) parenting him (rusty isnt as much in the picture bc he doesnt feel bad at all abt stealing and tess doesnt want linus to pick up that mentality also rusty Feels Things abt danny)! then when linus is like 18 or 19 danny disappears (tess and isabel think its Thiefly Activities again and arent concerned, just disappointed, but linus is very concerned for his dad-slash-stepdad-slash-sort-of-uncle) and he tracks down rusty so they can find danny. they roadtrip across america and eventually catch up to danny, who is helping the caldwells, and the five of them take down whatever gang the caldwells were chasing. linus now has 6 parents

- au based on this post where some archaeologist finds a bunch of dannys [french person voice] Love Lettairs 2 rusty and so obviously the logical course of action is to rob the museum (which happens to be the museum that tess is curating. funny how things work out) without telling his team What Theyre Stealing. they successfully pull off the heist but turns out the letters were not among the items they stole!! danny is getting desperate. as a last-ditch attempt he calls tess and asks her to let them rob the museum. shes like Why The Fuck Would I Do That. he explains and she begrudgingly agrees. danny and livingston go break into the museum Again but rusty tails them bc dannys been acting Weird and he finds out abt the letters bc livingston sweats more whenever he tells a lie. they live happily ever after (literally, theyre immortal) the end. also even though dannys a werewolf the 11 all call him the new jersey devil (its not his fault that legend came to be ok!! he was very drunk!!)

- childhood friends au!! danny and rusty were best buds as very young kids and then the oceans had to move. flash forward 2 present day where danny and debbie r robbing a museum (theyre building a flower shop over the vault and tunneling in, the dudes in brazil who came up w it are very very clever) and guess which two people are the assistant curators (is that even a title?). guess. ill tell u its tess and rusty! danny recognizes rusty, rusty ‘does not recognize’ danny (which is valid. look at photos of child george clooney and tell me you would recognize him). the 11 demand that they use this to their advantage and so danny and rusty Sort Of Date while the rest set up for the robbery, and danny feels really bad abt it so on the day of (after everyone has gotten away, ofc, he might be a lovesick bitch but hes not a snitch) he confesses and rustys like lmao i was onto u from the start. what kind of a name is [insert alias here] anyway. then they go live a life of crime and its great

- @sanduschism came up w a fantastic au where danny pickpockets rusty and feels bad so he sends the wallet back and they strike up a Correspondence

- HOSPITAL AU!!! danny and rusty r er techs while theyre doing med school and nobody knows how they juggle their shifts w school but also rusty can do a tracheotomy in like 5 seconds and danny can tell when a person needs an mri before they even list their symptoms so nobody questions it and nobody splits them up Ever. when they eventually become surgeons, danny does cardio and rusty does neuro, and whenever they have to work together not only do they never have to say what theyre doing, they don't even have What Do U Want To Cook For Dinner convos fully out loud. tess is head nurse... she makes so many excel spreadsheets... they are ALL color coded. isabel is head er doc and nobody dares to halfass things on her watch. reuben is head hospital admin, saul is chief surgeon, basher is head of the burn unit, the malloys r the HUNKIEST nurses in town, frank does plastic surgery/ent (every patient loves him bc he is just So Calm), livingston is The IT Guy, yen does like orthopedics or physical therapy, and linus is their fav resident who they all lovingly tease 24/7. the ocean sibs r both Cardio Gods and each dominate their respective coasts. debbie is an nyc doctor and if she sees a mass gen doctor its on SIGHT. the few surgeries that she and danny collab on go so fast that the med students in the gallery Cannot tell whats happening. lou is also a plastic surgeon and she and frank r best buds. linus requests time off like 6 months in advance Every Time and everyone hates it bc then They have to be on call but he doesnt realize his Extreme Overachieverness is causing so much strife. whenever tess and danny get in an argument she colorcodes his rounds spreadsheet to be the most neon shit youve ever seen. can you tell i never fully progressed past my greys anatomy phase this one is like 93489302 lines long

- superpower au where rusty has midas touch and danny has corrosive touch and when theyre too young to have control over their powers (abilities develop throughout adolescence and the user gains control at the end of adolescence) they accidentally brush hands and are terrified they just killed each other but turns out their powers like. cancel out. so until they reach like 21 or 22 and can touch things without fucking them UP they just. hold hands all the time. bc otherwise they have to wear gloves to prevent Accidents and both of them “hate gloves” (and also love holding hands. gayasses)

- uhhh hallmark au where danny is a crime fiction writer out on some beach north of ocean city nj and rusty is his fancy nyc editor. everyone else is a thief including debbie who is just Very weirded out that her brother, who robbed boston’s institute of contemporary art at age 22 and got away with it, has decided to spend the rest of his life churning out books. he is very critically acclaimed and about half of the 11 are buds with him and use his published books as heist inspo. the other ~half of the 11 are buds with rusty, and they tell him if danny’s heists are feasible or not (they always are. scarily so.) anyway rusty and isabel break up 12 days before xmas and danny and tess break up 8 days before hanukkah so dannys heading to debbie’s place in upstate new york to mope for the holidays when A BLIZZARD HITS and he gets stranded in midtown. and he and rusty are buds but like. Email Buds. they dont hang out irl and therefore they dont let their Totally Bud-Like Feelings mess up their professional relationship. but danny is stranded and its hanukkah and he ends up crashing at rustys place for the duration of the blizzard. and then rusty ends up coming to debbies place for the rest of the holidays. and then they kiss on new years eve and debbie kicks them out bc theyre being gross

- And More! thanks for the ask, anon! sorry it got so long lol i just have Many Thoughts

[clarenecessities]

so shit’s fucked

here is a timeline

09/03/2019.

two people in a 70 person server discuss the SU movie in the general chat channel, using spoiler tags because it had just recently been released. this lasts five posts.

09/07/2019.

alyson comes into the general chat channel and says man, isn’t it a bummer that SU is n*zi apologia and racist and actively harmful?

Donnie says yes, it’s harmful, but drop the n*zi comment because RS is jewish (alyson does not, then or the other two times donnie asks, despite donnie being jewish himself). He later says he doesn’t care about SU at all

Synth says it’s understandable that people would drop the show because of poor handling or the racism issues, but agrees that n*zi is too far when there’s genuine propaganda out there

Beta says yes, the writers could have handled things better, but reducing the message of the show to “n*zi good” is a deliberate misinterpretation

A fourth person comes in briefly to say they also don’t care about SU and that this should probably be in the discourse channel.

About halfway through the conversation, after his second request to stop calling SU apologia was met with a sourceless insistence that other jewish people criticized it (though alyson did not specify whether they used the term n*zi apologia), Donnie told her she was taking this very personally, which Alyson met with “Am I? I said a thing, said it was unpopular, and left it. and then got swarmed?”

At this point she held ~46% of the conversation.

She then abruptly left, saying, “like. Hooooboy, there's so much assuming and passion and defensiveness going on here, so I guess I'll leave since I've seen this all before and know for a fact that no one is going to let it rest.“

She held 41% of the final conversation. Everyone who weighed in was either explicitly open to criticizing SU or completely indifferent, and were simply asking her not to refer to the work of a Jewish nb woman as n*zi apologia.

09/10/2019

Alyson writes a post. The introduction is more or less “if you uncritically like SU, unfollow me” and goes on to say she underestimated how few people in the neopets fandom recognize its harmfulness. She says she’d been thinking about leaving the Neolodge discord for a while, but her mind was made up on the 3rd when she saw "a lot of hype and support" (5 posts), four full days before she posted in the general chat. She says she "was swarmed by questions asked by people who didn't want to hear [her] answers." (there were two questions asked of her: “did you just kind of want to get mad at us for enjoying steven universe?” and “were you venting?")

She says that SU is her “litmus test” of sorts, implying--possibly by accident--that she was then testing the Neolodge by dangling some SU-discoursey bait. 

The post was tagged #the problem isn’t liking a thing and #it's denying anyone from not-liking it for very valid reasons

Except the problem was demonstrated to be specifically that she was asked not to use a particular term to describe that not-like

7 months later, 4/16/2019

There is a Neolodge board on our own neopets.gov. Alyson shows up and is polite & sociable until more people that she recognizes filter in. She neomails hollis to broach the subject of what had happened in september, saying “from what i remember it was mostly synth who was very reactionary and aggressively posting at me because i criticised steven universe“ which, if you’ll review the logs, is both not about synth, who only posted twice (probably an honest mistake), but also grossly mischaracterizes the nature of the incident. Over the next day or so she and Hollis discuss the nature of the lodge and what transpired in September. Hollis emphasizes that the Neolodge has never been a place for bigots or their sympathizers, and Alyson goes radio silent.

4/24/2019

Alyson writes a new post. It tells a different narrative than we see play out in the logs. Her summary of events is as follows:

So, when wondering on the chat if anyone else was critical of the franchise, instead the chat suddenly sped up and i was swarmed by a bunch of anti-criticism fans who almost immediately -instead of reading my beginning attempts to elaborate on where i was coming from- posted over and over again that rebecca sugar is a marginalized voice and as such, immune to criticism, and how dare I insinuate a jewish woman of writing nazi apologia.

To reiterate, she began a discussion. Every person who responded was either openly critical of SU or indifferent. They were not suggesting RS is immune to criticism because she’s marginalized; they were in fact largely agreeing with the criticisms that Alyson raised, but asking her to be more conscious of the impact her choice of terms could have (and in fact was having).

I (a neurodivergent, mentally ill, pansexual aromantic woman, aka also a marginalized voice) was talked over and treated as if i ate babies. Obviously, I left the neolodge discord after that.

Again, she held 41% of the conversation--and by her own admission had already been planning to leave the Neolodge, and had thrown down this final ‘litmus test’ despite not wanting to engage with the results.

Now, obviously marginalization isn’t a contest. There’s no “I have more problems” or “I have worse problems” that will ever get us anywhere constructive. As I said in my own reply to her post, this was not a matter of RS being untouchable because she’s marginalized, but of Alyson’s behavior when asked not to draw the comparison between RS’s work and literal N*zi apologia.

Hollis refused to read and think about what i had said and the information i linked to, despite apparently going back in the discord chat and viewing the whole mess, where i had also laid out information to back up my observations.  Instead, my voice talked over, my words and concerns discarded, I was treated as if I had committed some heinous act, and if i had changed as a person then maybe they might let me back in to the neolodge.

Now being privy to the entire conversation, I can assure anyone reading this that Hollis read & thought about everything Alyson said very seriously. We had an in-depth and nuanced discussion, and ultimately realized that this was not simply a matter of whether or not SU is a poorly handled cartoon or full-on apologia. It was a matter of Alyson’s unwillingness to engage in a discussion she herself began, her repeated refusals to respect the comfort and wishes of our Jewish members, and her later misconstruals of the conversation as a ‘bombardment’.

Alyson insists she did not call RS a n*zi, and that critiquing the show is not equivalent to doing so, but unfortunately ended that thought with this:

Words mean things: look up apologia.

Now, I’ve already pointed this out, but apologia means “a formal written defense of one’s opinions or conduct.” Thus, every time Alyson has insisted SU is actual, literal N*zi apologia, she means that a Jewish nonbinary woman conceived of and executed an explicit defense of fascism, n*zis, the H*locaust, regardless of how involved she was or wasn’t in the production of the show itself.

Personally, I choose to believe that Alyson herself is unaware of the definition, and instead meant that SU makes excuses for fascism, or alludes to n*zis, or much gentler (if still harmful) language. I choose to believe that she’s conflating it with an apology, and simply didn’t follow her own advice.

The Neolodge is home to actual children/minors/underage people and most of the people in the incident were younger than 21. That is children.  I was getting annoyed at young non-adults. 

This is blatantly false. The Neolodge has always been a minor-free space, and there’s been discussion of upping the minimum age to 20. That Alyson herself is 30 may have skewed her perception, but as you can see in our response to this angry anon, we have always been concerned with the protection of minors & the promotion of a safe, comfortable atmosphere.

Alyson goes on to say that she had liked & trusted Hollis, and this came with no prior warning--presumably because Hollis had been polite and even friendly when she came to our board, and they hadn’t interacted much over the previous months since her exit from the discord.

So if you’re like me, and don’t put up with bullshit, and refuse to lie down and let bigotry get further footholds into western culture and be lauded for it, consider staying away from the neolodge and users like hollis and synthaphone

I still don’t quite understand how we got here, tbh. People standing up against a stark refusal to respect someone’s comfort as a Jewish person has somehow been skewed to mean they’re the bigots, and “western culture” is in danger, specifically from this gay nb & their nefarious lesbian pal, who spoke the least of anyone in the conversation.

I can’t speak to what’s going through her head right now. I don’t even know if she read the replies enough to know she was spreading misinformation about the Lodge’s age restrictions, let alone her (hopefully accidentally) drawing an obliquely antisemetic portrait of RS. I’m not even mad at her at the moment so much as confused. I genuinely don’t understand her rationale or what she thinks would motivate us to do the things she says we’ve done. I don’t think she’s a bad person, or even that her actions would be unfair if the situation were what she’s purported it to be.

But the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. She tried to start a fight seven months ago and has been hanging onto it since, convinced that she was in the right, never considering the express opinions of the people she claimed were so passionate about the show she so loathes. She’s attempting to drag Hollis’s name through the mud because they were kind enough to give her a chance to explain her side of things & she squandered it by instead parroting the talking points of the video we had all watched back in September, when she originally posted it.

She’s throwing Synth in for good measure, because they’re the only person she could be bothered to identify.

It’s not a true account of events, she made no effort to have a good-faith conversation at any point (particularly about her own behavior), and frankly it’s unfair. It’s easy to dump snippets of DMs and announce that you’re blocking anyone who disagrees with you, sure--it can even be good for you. But in this case it’s more of what we saw all those months ago in the discord, when she tried to stir the pot and left after scarcely 30 posts had gone by; it’s cowardice. It’s a way to frame the narrative in such a way that she can maintain her illusion of moral superiority, secure in the knowledge that everyone who has criticized her or her behavior is a bigot and and writes n*zi "apologia” apologia.

She’s isolating herself from the community one group at a time, and I still don’t know why, because she won’t talk to me about it. She won’t talk to any of us about anything that isn’t SU, and I don’t care about SU. I care about her & her motivations, and I’m starting to accept I’m never going to truly know either.

[anyhao-archived]

okay im finally getting around to posting this, tbh i had to take a few days to (rest) before i thought more about this lol. also sorry it’s so long, ill put it under a read more. ANYWAYS my vav experience, as follows:

so for the fan sign there was a Lot going on so i forgot most of it but.. barons teeth sparkled when he smiled lmao anyways st van was first and I told him he was my moms favorite and he went rly?? in a really cute voice and he just seemed so surprised, it was endearing

and then jacob... i don’t mess with him anymore. jk lol he was so freaking attractive but like in a Hot way? his smile was so nice that im pretty sure i garbled my words but i tried to tell him i really like love night.. and I was going to ayno and like idk if i was joking to myself or what but just loud enough i actually said, oh that’s lots of bling! and both ayno and jacob heard me, ayno laughed genuinely and jacob was like omg i can’t believe this idiot.. i don’t think i said anything to ayno, he seemed really uncomfortable so i didn’t want to bother him anymore. but his laugh was genuine i could tell, and for a split second i don’t think he was wearing his Idol Mask(TM) when he smiled. but that’s probably just wishful thinking lol

ACE I CANT BELIEVE HIM he looked so fucking good oh my god i got to him and i called him a Casanova and he went ayyyy with a thumbs up and finger guns and i wanted to die lmfao

when i got to baron he said my name but kinda pronounced it wrong but i corrected him, and he said it again. and then i told him my name rhymes with his and he said mine like four times in different ways trying it out and rhyming it with his stage name😭 HE DIDNT have to say my name that many times, god. his English was so fucking good holy shit and his pronounciation??? Amazing and he’s so handsome up close, like literal Disney prince handsome

ziu talks sooo much!!! I love it and he’s so good looking and kind and he shook my hand and ??? he said to enjoy the show and i told him to enjoy doing the show and he did like a shy smile kind of thing !! you could tell he was trying hard with the English i was rly proud of him

lou had a flower crown on and i complimented on it and he said my name so well and there was more with him but i forgot 😢

but that was just the fan sign lol so much other stuff happened... later during the show i nearly died bc of ayno.. they were picking people to go up on stage, right? and there was a girl in front of me also with her hand raised, like freaking out (maybe a bit too much?) and i was like okay she probably wants it so i kinda like.. stopped raising my hand and gestures to her? If that makes sense... he almost picked her but when he saw me be nice and let her have it, he literally stares at me and picks me, dead on...but someone random that he wasn’t pointing at like ROWS back walked on stage before we could realize it was me but that fucking eye contact i had with him made him SHOOT up my bias list lol now I have to rethink my entire order. im like 75% sure that he picked me because i wasn’t a crazy fan, like the girl in front of me was a bit much.. and obviously if i was willing to give it up im not that insane... ladies, it pays off to be a nice person!

AND JACOB WITH THE BABY please end me i fell for him so much like he’s almost overtaking baron that’s how much i liked him last night and how nice is vav that they tried to pick new people?? like they picked the fan boy, the little baby, the elderly lady.. and they even helped her to and from the stage 💗😍 AND SPEAKING of gentlemanly stuff there was a guy with a wheelchair during the snapshots in line for jacob and when they were done he personally pushed the guy in the wheelchair all the way to where the man needed to go. he breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously, he’s so underrated but still a genuinely and QUIET nice person.. he doesn’t do good stuff to be noticed. like when winter breeze was over, they had the rappers sing it too... but not jacob. i was so upset and he also didn’t do his solo song that i specifically told him i liked, but ayno did two of his. im not bitter at all what do u mean ??? 🤷‍♀️

i feel like more happened at the concert but i can’t think of much more, im sure other fan accounts will have it all. the only thing i can think about is the snapshots anyways lol

the group picture was ... interesting. the hi touch wasnt much except it reinforced my idea that ayno recognized me, bc instead of a high five he held my hand for as long as possible, probably an apology for earlier. i nearly died. the pic ended up looking awful but thats okay lol. then we tried to leave but i ended up going the wrong way, and a staff handed me roughly like actually grabbing my shoulders and pushing me in the right direction (which i did not appreciate, please chill, u just didnt tell us the right way to go...) and a few members saw that and didnt like either. ayno looked irritated but im sure  hes just irritated at everything at that point lol, lou and ace looked at me sympathetically, and i gave ace the happy bday present someone asked me to give to him. he was so surprised it was adorable.

OKAY, NOW FOR THE SNAPSHOTS: so i actually had 7 snapshots but ended up getting 2 with jacob and 2 with ayno instead of one with everyone (which.. if u look above is not a surprise lmfao) so the first snapshot i do is with baron, obviously.. and this ASSHOLE wants to kill me like... for everyone i tried to pick poses that werent too touchy bc a) im not comfortable w that and b) im sure they were all tired of being touched lol so i picked the one where you make fingerhearts while standing next to each other, but NOOOOO

baron decides he doesnt like that pose enough so he literally puts his hands on my shoulders, guides me to a position thats not only in FRONT of him but CLOSER TO HIM than i was originally!!! what the fuck!! thats not all after that he had to lean around me and basically like... he was so fucking close to me oh my god. he smelled so good i need to know where he gets his cologne. also lol when he moved me in front of him i was like... omg are u sure??? im kinda tall.. and he just laughs and smiles and leans into/around me. that picture of me looks so stupid bc i was so.. happy and Not Ready lmao

anyways i go to jacob next and do the e-t touch pose lol since like i said... didnt want touchy ones and he seemed amused that i picked that one. i wonder if it was one of the least popular ones? probably.. and GOD hes rly such a gentleman hottie like i rarely say h*t but.... jacob was hot. since we did the e.t touch pose we had to touch fingertips and (eyes emoji) not to have a hand kink or anything but hes got. really nice hands. long fingers. also lmfao he had long ass fingernails and i kinda joked with him like “youve got longer fingernails than i do!!” and he laughed and smiled at me. and okay i turn to leave like gotta have the next person go but APPARENTLY he wasnt ready for the next person yet...  i literally had to have the staff be like wait! jacob is saying bye to you!!! and i was like WHAT and turned around and ran back to him basically to say bye he was grinning the entire time and he waved his hand and held it up for (i thought) a high five but he grabbed it and i swear i fell for him right there. JACOB WHEN WILL U BE MINE godfjkdgd and i watched him for a little bit but he didnt say bye that enthusiatically to anyone else (that i saw, at least)

then i did the prom pose with st. van, it was adorable. you could tell he was rly trying to interact with everyone and idk what it is about him but i felt comfortable enough to actually do a Touchy pose (the holding arm pose, like prom yknow). we love an amazing leader~

oH i did one with ziu too!! i did the byung byung pose with the hands together and we both looked ridiculous lol. i dont remember much about him except he was so tall wtf taller than i expected.

at this time i keep looking at my pics and THE E.T PIC WITH JACOB??? makes me crack the hell up.... it had to have been fate, obviously. in the pic (from the camera flash, i guess) where our fingers were touching, it just SO HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT......... iconic. jacob n i are meant to be. so i get in line for him again bc i want to show him the pic, but by the time i got up there again i had forgotten. i was also like... ready for a touchy pose with him bc why not. i cant remember what pose i did with him or if anything happened, im sure i was in a trance then lmao. pretty sure he recognized me but i cant be sure. 

then i get in line for ayno and i have two snapshot tickets left, and the staff announces theres only a few mins left so i was like SHIT and figured id just do two with ayno bc i didnt wanna waste any. his line was so long and staff had to keep reminding ppl not to hug/touch him and i felt soooo bad. i picked poses that werent too close to him, and even those in the pic he looked like he was trying to not be close to me lol. i feel so bad for him, im sure he got a lot of weird fans that night. i think he recognized me (again) because he smiled genuinely like he was happy i was there. i think he appreciated that i picked poses that didnt require touching -- he probably had a Lott of that. when the second pic was being printed the staff member laughed at something someone said, but i thought she was laughing at my picture bc i take shit pics and i got offended for a second and so did ayno LMAO but then she explained and i said bye to him and he went back into Idol Mask(TM) and i think that was it. 

i also ate at ihop that night, it was great, we didnt get back to our hotel till after 2am, it felt so... young adult-ish to be out so late lmao. i was very proud at how everything turned out, i dont think i wouldve changed a thing

anyway, long story short: im in love with jacob, baron is a disney prince, ayno shot up my bias list (he was like... last lmao) and i appreciate him as a person. those three were the Big Three, but i still loved meeting the other members. 10/10 would recommend vav

[padawanlost]

You know what really gets me about Yoda? When Ahsoka goes to him about her vision of Padmé dying, he's like 'choose, you must, how to proceed, but be careful because the future has many paths.' When Luke has a vision about Han and Leia, he went 'You must choose, but I'm dropping major hints that you shouldn't go.' When Anakin goes to him with his visions of Padmé? 'Rejoice for those who join the Force.' What kind of hypocritical nonsense advice is that, Yoda??

BINGO! Yodais a hypocrite, that’s a fact. What astonishes me is this notion that Yodagives good advice. He has a terrible track record with counselling people. Infact, thing only work out well (or less tragically) when people ignore whateverhe’s told them. Yoda speech pattern might make him sound wiser but when youconsider all the things he has said and how it affected everything it becomes obvioushe causes harm. Yoda, when not being a complete hypocrite, is busy preaching unhealthycoping mechanisms and manipulating the truth.

Yoda’sadvices are some of the most quotable Star Wars moments and yet when I thinkabout them I see nothing but empty wisdom.

However,before I get more into it I would like to make a few things clear: this dealswith grief and coping mechanism so if this may trigger you, please do not readany further. Also, this is not an attack on people who find this particularadvice useful or comforting. If Yoda helps you deal with whatever is going onin your life, good. I have no problem with that. I just wanted to write about my own feelings on this matter and whyI believe this particular advice didn’t work for Anakin or for me.

This isquite long, personal (kind of, but not really) and it might be triggering soit’s under a “read more”.

It’s allvery pretty and helpful at first glance but once you begin to think about whatit all means or how to put it into practice you realized most of Yoda’s advicesare not helpful at all. One of his most famous quote is “Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you whotransform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leadsto jealousy. The shadow of greed that is. Train yourself to let go… ofeverything you fear to lose.” from ROTS and it’s also the one that bothersme most.

When Ifirst heard it I thought “oh! This isgood advice”. I was a sweet summer child. TBH, part of it could be consideredgood advice, especially the first part. But when you consider context and applicability it all falls apart. Ibroke it down into parts, trying to figure exactly why it doesn’t seat quitewell with me and here’s what I got:

“The fear of loss is apath to the dark side.”

Terribleadvice #1. When someone troubled comes to you with their fears, telling themfear is wrong and evil is never a good idea. You’re only reinforcing theinitial fear. Now the person is also afraid of their own fear as well. Imaginesomeone coming up to you and saying “I’m afraid my mom will die”, now imagineyourself saying “Fear is wrong. Let it go”. Does it really sound like good,healthy advice?

“Fear is a vital response to physical andemotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves fromlegitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far fromlife-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiencescan trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposingourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.”[x]

Yes, toomuch fear is a problem (in fact, that’s Anakin’s problem) but what’s  wrong here is that the fear is neverrecognized or validated. Being afraid is wrong and it leads to evil. That’s it.There’s not even a hint as how to deal with fear. There’s no “you need to faceyour fears”, or “you need to learn to control your fear”. Nope, all we get hereis: fear is wrong and you shouldn’t feel it.

It’s just awarning (not at all what Anakin was looking for) and an unhelpful advice.

“Death is a naturalpart of life.”

Fairenough. Can’t argue with that. However, I wonder if death affects Yoda (themost detached being in the Galaxy) the same way it affects Anakin and everyoneelse. Yoda is talking about grief, but grief is tied to one’s ability to feellove and empathy. Death is heartbreaking because of the loss attached to it.When you’re not connected to anyone and you’re incapable of deeply empathizingwith people, seeing death as fact of life is much easier. But here Yoda istalking to someone who:

Has a history of fear, emotional     instability, and deep attachments.

Just admitted is talking to some close to him:

Anakin: They are of pain, suffering. Death. Yoda: Yourself you speak of,or someone you know? Anakin: Someone. Yoda: Close to you? Anakin: Yes.

Ourattachments are what makes loss so devastating and personal. When we aretalking about Death as a concept, sure, there’s nothing wrong with reminding usthat Death is natural and unavoidable. But in a more immediate situation, wherethe threat is real (Anakin believes it’s real) it’s a rather cold thing to say.It’s the equivalent of saying “people die” to someone in a life-or-deathsituation. It’s not a lie, but it’s hardly helpfuladvice.  Anakin was not afraid of“conceptual death”. He was a soldier and a former slave. He was aware of deathas a fact of life. He was seeking advice on personal loss. Yoda, being the detached Jedi he was, was incapableof understanding the difference because to him there was no difference. ToYoda, every death is a fact of life, not a personalloss.

Althoughthere’s nothing fundamentally wrong with what Yoda said, his lack of empathymakes him lose some points in my book.

“Rejoice for thosearound you who transform into the Force.”

I’ve seenpeople interpreting this as “be happy this person lived” but imo, that’s notwhat he said at all. Yoda advice here is “be happy the person has gone somewhereelse”.

It’s not abad thing to say if we see “transforming into the Force” as the equivalent of anafterlife. Again, the problem here is not what he is saying but when he issaying it. Yoda is talking to someone who is afraid to lose someone they love,not to someone who has lost someone they love. He’s not talking about someonewho’s dead or dying.

Yoda: Premonitions, premonitions. These visions youhave… Anakin: They are of pain,suffering. Death.

They aretalking the possibility of loss and Yoda is already telling him to let go. Itfits the Jedi mindset but when we consider Anakin’s emotional state or a reallife situation it’s not helpful at all:

Person 1: someone I love might be ill.Person 2: be happy they’ll go to [insert any equivalent to the Force/afterlife here].

Once more,it’s matter of tact and compassion. The problem it’s not what Yoda is saying.It’s when, how and to whom he is saying it. That same sentence “Rejoice forthose around you who transform into the Force” would probably have givenObi-wan great comfort after the loss of Qui-Gon. But here, it doesn’t helpAnakin because Anakin is not ready to let go of his pregnant, healthy and ALIVEwife.

“Mourn them do not.”

This iswhat I was talking about. On paper, great. One practice, terrible. Mourning isa natural process. Dealing with our grief, learning to cope and moving on ishealthy. Pretending you’re unaffected by loss, is not. This a perfect exampleof toxic Jedi behavior. Conceal, don’t feel.

“Miss them do not.”

Seriously?!You can’t even miss them? Does this mean Yoda doesn’t miss all the Jedi Anakinkilled? Is this another example of Yoda’s hypocrisy or he truly doesn’t care?I’m torn on this one.

“Attachment leads to jealousy.”

True. Butthis is quite a big leap. He was talking about death and mourning, and his mindwent straight to jealousy. How does that help Anakin, or anyone else? this is basically,“don’t love anything or anyone, or else you’ll get jealous”. Seriously? Is thisreally good advice to give someone who is afraid of loss. Like I say earlier,this sort of “advice” only adds to the strain the person was already feeling.Not only no real help is being offered, their feelings are being criticized. InAnakin’s case, he’s being told he can’t help his loved one, he’s also beingtold that having a loved one is wrong and that even love itself leads to evil.

“The shadow of greed that is.”

*_____*

“Train yourself to let go of everything youfear to lose.”

Attachment= emotional bond (love)

Attachment-> Jealousy -> greed => dark side (bad/evil)

By Yoda’s(Jedi) logic here, attachment is the cause of all evil. And the only way toprevent evil is to prevent love. To prevent love, you must let go of everythingyou fear to lose. Yoda concludes his advice by saying “you shouldn’t care aboutthis”. You should let go of whoever you love, because love leads to bad things.That’s not good advice, to Anakin or to us. Good, admirable advice, would recognizethe person’s feeling and actually help them to deal with them, or at leastcomfort them.

To be fair,all the unhealthy implications above are not only about Yoda. It’s a about theJedi Order as whole and how their rules and beliefs harmed their own members.Yoda, Obi-wan, Qui-Gon, Mace Windu, Anakin and all the others felt the samethings we do: love, anger, fear, etc. and even if they weren’t attached tosomeone they were attached to the Order and their own ways and ideals. The Jediand their story is the proof this kind of thinking doesn’t work in practice. Ican’t think of a single character (who had contact with Yoda and the Jedi wayof thinking) putting all the above into practice. Here’s one example:

“The fear of loss is apath to the dark side.”

They allfelt fear.

“Fear, anger, hate. Consumed by the dark sidethe Jedi were.” Yoda to Kanan [Rebels]Right before the Jedi Purge, the jedi were so afraid to losing their power andinfluence they were willing to compromise their beliefs, spy on the chancellorand plot against the Senate.

Mace Windu: I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi. The Dark Side of the Force surrounds the Chancellor.Ki-Adi-Mundi: If he does not give up his emergency powers after the destruction of Grievous, then he must be forcibly removed from office.Mace Windu: It will be tricky. The Jedi Council will have to take control of the Senate to ensure a peaceful transition to a new government and a new leadership for the Republic.Yoda: Hmm. To a dark place this line of thought will carry us. Great care we must take.

Yoda’s “words of wisdom” are just more proof of his hypocrisy and damaging mentality that lead to the destruction of the Jedi Order.

[rqs902]

.

for a split second i actually thought tencent had bought them gifts but LOL oh its their parents that makes more sense 

ofc zzn would be with ljt’s groupppp hahahha aw im glad nana got to work with a group she had previously said she’d wanted to collab with. 

lol why do i feel like langlang is bringing all his friends and family onto this show LOL 

i cant tell if i like xiao li without bangs better, but a change isnt bad, gives him a new look 

oof the way xiao li says “im someone who doesn’t have a father” being raised by his mom and aunt and just remembers broken plates from his childhood, and left at 13?? its been 6 years?? wild 

and hyt commiserating talking about how admirably strong he thinks his mom is too but then im like wait a minute... they’re probably the two that contributed the most to making this song (well mostly xiao li) but theyre the ones whose parents didnt come, that’s sad :(

i respect xiao li rocking this bright colored hoodie in a sea of black LOL

wow i think he’s saying that music should have a personal touch to it, tell a story, and even tho growing up sometimes there are moments that aren’t happy, when you look back it may still be a treasured moment. is he talking about the broken plates? wow this just got real deep real fast and im just so intrigued by his artistic mind wow im just grateful that his group mates are really letting him drive their musical direction. i mean thats part of why hyt chose him, for his composition abilities, so im not surprised but its really so cool that his group is helping him tell such a personal story through their music 

pushu complimenting xiao li’s guitar composition in the demo and xiao li’s like im the one playing it :’) xiao li is really so talented wow

wait why did they do the elims in the middle of them making their own compositions tho? that just makes it sad that the groups that didnt make it didnt get to show their music and the reshuffled groups are at a huge disadvantage they only have 3 days left?? the timing seems bad

so basically xiao li did everything except hyt made his own drum part and they all supposedly wrote the lyrics together 

wow this song is.... oof. im still trying to process 

on a side note, i was kinda worried how mz would fit in this group but its great that he can be their bass player! and tbh im still kinda questioning xiao xiong’s singing, like it still sounded kinda pitchy to me but maybe its at least improving like gem said lol

but back to the song, when asked why a song about family isnt more warm, the way xiao li said life can be cruel but he still sees it as beautiful when he looks back and he still loves his family. i think thats why this song creates such conflicting emotions in me. its sad and even spiteful but also touching. you can feel how lonely and lost he’s been in life, but he recognizes he’s still loved. theres a lot of complicated emotions presented in the space of a few minutes (which shows how real and personal this song is) and i think i need to listen a few more times to help me digest his story. i feel like the messy, discordant chords in his piano solo represent his inner feelings and im grateful and amazed that he was willing to share his vulnerabilities so openly. 

Oof I read xiao li's weibo post about this song and it's so poetic I had to use the dictionary but oof it just made me think of hyt saying it seems like xiao li has been through a lot. I'm grateful he says he isnt lonely with the family members he loves (again sad they couldnt come support him...) I'm wondering what the meaning behind his words is when he says he still has candy and can forever be a child. At least he says he'll be happy.

OOF continuing with another sad story, man maybe its why that group of kids are so close, xu yang also talking about being raised by his mom (and zk too) from meager beginnings. kinda sad he cant perform the song himself but at least his friends can publicize it for him? i do feel like it wouldve been even more emotional for xu yang to have been in the perf himself :\ they did make it together but writing the lyrics shapes the whole message of the song. glad to see zk and jym are on good terms still and xu yang supported them to perform the song. 

well im glad to see that the adults are able to whip the kids in qiang ge’s group into shape so muji and wjy can work together lol seems like qiang ge’s learning from them and gaining confidence. oof qiang ge’s father being responsible for a family with 5 kids and always getting sick

happy to see mty so happy on stage and qiang ge so happy to see his parents and muji being so gentle with his little brother 

im tearing up at wjy talking about his grandma’s noodles and then qiang ge being all “arent my noodles good too?” I CRACKED UP HAHHAHAHAHHAHA

me watching xiao zhi’s group: wow xiao zhi is such a great older bro

AW muji’s little bro sitting at muji’s desk with the rest of the kids backstage !!! and then high fiving the kids going on stage !!!  

zhang yang’s always seemed a bit like an awkward turtle but you can tell he really loves his group mates, its sweet

oh ljt’s comment about parents gradually becoming like kids and the kids have to learn to 包容 them.... thats so real 

did nannan just walk in with a SUP DUDE.... HAHAHHAHAHAHA

nice to see jym has found peace within their group haha and not surprised ljt’s dad likes ljt’s music but zzn’s dad thinks zzn’s music is too loud L O L 

lol they said liu yang wrote the music and szb and ljt wrote the lyrics, then how come the credits have only ljt for the music and lyrics?? 

lol ljt’s dad’s singingggg hahahhah 

i teared up at szb’s mom’s words bc it must be hard for her to blame herself for everything

LOL JYM’S DAD !!! they seem to have a fun relationship. and i love how ljt saw jym sit down and immediately went to check to make sure he was okay. 

oof rip wu xing’s dad being like uh so we cared more about your older brother when you were growing up oops

but wu xing’s song may be my favorite from this ep. theyre not my favorite group, but i like this song.  

LOL zjy’s dad seems fun, why do i suddenly get the feeling thats how i imagine ljt would be like as a dad L O L 

oof hyt saying hes not surprised his dad didnt show up but he felt like something was wrong when he mom said she was sick. then asking whether parents should hide something like hospitalization from their kids... thats rough

aw muji’s mom feeling so sad for hyt and crying when saying muji would also feel like something was wrong if she hadnt shown up.. aw 

honestly i cant tell if i like muji in particular, bc there are times where i feel like his personality seems a bit unique in a way im not sure if he’d be easy to get along with, but i respect that hes repping his culture and staying strong and seems very close with his family. 

xiao xiong’s cantonese tongue twisters with the badminton LOL that made me laugh, he just seems so pure

man im sad that xiao zhi’s group is least popular, so they’ll likely be broken up. MAN if xiao zhi gets eliminated ill be sad......... hopefully he’ll get saved and jus reshuffled bc it may be cool to see him in a different context. itll be weird to imagine him as a side addition rather than the main pillar of a group tho. 

yall at this rate hyt’s group is gonna win this competition and idk how i feel about that even tho i like them. 

[sanhatation]

ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best. 

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars. 

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u. 

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !! 

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her. 

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words ! 

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good. 

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!! 

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you. 

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic. 

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!! 

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn. 

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !! 

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy 

[l3ambina]

all of the numbers for Chiyu ❤

omg dear

ok here we  go time to die lmfao

1. What does their bedroom look like?Probably somewhat dark, lots of plants. Succulents because she cant keep anything else alive long enough. It’s probably always a little messy.2. Do they have any daily rituals?Nothing in particular except waiting for something to happen with the League. She likes to hang out in Kur/ogiri’s bar with him and Da/bi and chat. Da/bi prefers other places to hang out though, he only stays there if he has to.

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?She does, by fighting with the other league members and training herself. She doesn’t want to be useless in a fight.

4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?Barge her way in. She’s hungry, dammit. That, and she knows no one would mind making room for her. They’re not that competitive about it.

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)Not that clean when she’s not doing a mission. She has to be REALLY cleanly when helping a mission though because she has to heal wounds and she cant risk infecting them.6. Eating habits and sample daily menuThe only one who can cook anything decently is Kurog/iri, so there’s a lot of eating out when he’s not available. Chiyu can cook a little bit but its not a great idea. Don’t even think about letting the other league members cook, thats just asking for a disaster.7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting timeAnything that involves hanging out with Da/bi. As long as he’s with her, she doesn’t mind. Da/bi isn’t one to like wasting too much time though, so they don’t do that too often if he can help it. Chiyu doesn't mind the idea of it, though.8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulgingFavorite indulgence is sweets! She tries not to eat too many but sometimes she cant help herself. She’s lucky she has a fast metabolism. She has no feelings about indulgence either way, but thinks its better to indulge yourself at least sometimes. 9. Makeup?Nah lmao10. Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?The same ones I have I suppose, so Depression, Anxiety, PTSD and BPD. They are self diagnosed, though since they never had access to good healthcare.11. Intellectual pursuits?Medical stuff, she has to learn all of it so that she can heal better. She can’t just wave her hands and magically heal someone, she has to understand how the body works, and sometimes it gets messy if she has to set bones and stuff. She HAS to make sure its going to heal properly before speeding it up, otherwise she will have to start over.12. Favorite book genre?fantasy, scifi, maybe a bit of medical textbooks too lol13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?Asexual, panromantic. She doesn’t care too much about it tbh? She just knows she likes anyone regardless of gender and doesn't see the need for labels really. Especially since she’s pangender and doesn't think about her own gender too much.14. Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)Uhh, none that I can think of? She heals herself so she never really goes to hospitals or anything... if she has any of those, she doesn’t really know about it. Poor girls never had a proper check-up in her life.15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?Biggest: To help the League by being their healer. Smallest: To become an asset to them as best as she can.16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?Biggest: To make the world see what is really important. To not put heroes on pedestals.  To help others and make a safer world, not just for purely good people. Smallest: To love Da/bi and help him figure out his issues and support him. 17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dressWay prefers casual. she’s not opposed to dressing up though, it makes her feel nice sometimes.18. Favorite beverage?Green Tea19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night?A lot of things. Are they really doing what they set out to do? Is being with the League really going to help her with the world? Does that even matter? She loves the League members so much, she doesn’t know what she’d do without them. And Da/bi would never abandon her and she’d never do that to him. She just hopes she’s doing the right thing.20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?It’s a miracle she didn’t die as a kid. Her parents died whe nshe was young, and she was in an out of run down orphanages for a time, until she ran away. They weren’t good places. She learned how to heal herself at a young age though so she never got too sick.21. Turn-ons? Turn-offs?Being loved, cherished and adored with a gentle kindness. But also being looked at like a piece of meat or an object, feeling like someone owns her. It’s always consensual when its like that but it.. helps her deal with her trauma, as long as she controls the situation.22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?Writing her thoughts or drawing, probably. Writing helps her remember things.23. How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?She’s only organized with her medical self education. Otherwise her lifes kinda messy. her room is pretty messy and disorganized.24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?Yes! Medical stuff  c:25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today?Hopefully by then the world has settled into its new order and things become peaceful, but not oppressed by fake heroes like before.26. Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?Hopefully goes the way she wants, but she has no plans if they dont, except to help Da/bi with his issues and remain by his side.27. What is their biggest regret?They don’t have any at the moment. Everything bad has been out of her hands up to this point, and she refuses to let it stay that way. She has taken her life into her own hands and doesn’t plan on regretting anything about what she does.28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?da/bi is her best friend and boyfriend, but Twice and Kuro/giri are good to her too. Her worst enemy is Endea/vor. She wants him dead as much as Da/bi does, even if she doesn't understand his motives for it yet. She doesn’t need much of a reason, though.29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)HOLY SHIT KURO/GIRI WARP IT S OMEWHERE ELSE30. Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)She has no family, but if Da/bi died, she would bury herself in her work and become very quiet and reserved, only caring about her goals to help people even more at that point.31. Most prized possession?Her watch. Toga gave it to her, or rather stole it. Its very high tech and helps her keep track of how much time has passed since she has healed someone, since she can only work within ten minutes of when she starts healing them.32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?She doesn’t hang on to very many of them from her past. She has nothing to hold on to. But if Da/bi gave her something... she would cherish that forever.33. Concept of home and family?The League is her new family and she would do anything for them.34. Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)A bit prone to tmi lmao, she’s seen a lot with her medical work so nothing much bothers her.33. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?She doesn’t consider much of anything to be a waste? As long as it gets her to her goal of helping people. Maybe some of t he things the League does feels like a counter-productive time waste, but not often.34. What makes them feel guilty?When she isn’t able to help someone, or has to reset the damage she tried healing, because she knows thats incredibly painful. She’s had to do it to herself a few times.35. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?Very emotional, following her heart type of person. She’s only analytical about her healing, but even that is mixed with emotions.36. Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?Probably B ! Not super proactive, more go with the flow. But she does have goals she wants to reach, so maybe a mixture of both.37. What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?Cuddling with Da/bi... >///>38. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither? Maybe a bit of both? They very much believe they’re right.39. How misanthropic are they?Very little if at all, since they want to help and reform society to something better, rather than leave it to fend for itself.40. Hobbies?Studying medicine, and spending time with Da/bi, when she is not doing things for the League.41. How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?She never had a formal education, and taught herself every single thing she knows. She was never given proper quirk counseling either, she had to train herself to become powerful with her quirk and iron out her weaknesses. So obviously she finds value in self-education.42. Religion?Can you count Hero Killer’s ideals as a religion?43. Superstitions or views on the occult?Again, if  you count following Hero Killer’s ideals as a cult thing, then shes into that.44. Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?A lot of both, honestly. She’s very honest and open about w hat she thinks and feels.45. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?Villains lmfao46. How do they express love?Devotion, adoration, thoughtful gifts, spending time, supporting and helping the other as much as she can.47. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?She doesnt get into fights if she can help it. She’s better supporting someone else, like Da/bi in a fight. She can hold her own for a little bit, though, if its a close combat situation.48. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?Probably yeah, I imagine. She has lots of things she wants to accomplish and she wants to help people. She needs to be alive to see her goals come to fruition.

[kingfckr]

every multiple of 10 for the hc thing !

DETAILED HEADCANONS » @swyer

10.  Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

 Billy does not prescribe to that way of thinking that he has something that is mentally wrong with him because of a neurological disorder. Everything that is wrong with him to him is because of the way he was raised and the fact that being a mean nasty s.o.b. protects him.  He is all about self preservation.  He would never go to a doctor either to ask what’s wrong with him, because to him that would be - well i’m hiding behind my disorder. He’s a shit person because the world hasn’t dont anything to protect him and so he doesn’t care anymore. 

However, now as the mun - I would probably say he probably suffers from a form of depression, and one of the not so much verbally talked about symptom of it is this intense anger.  I would have said IED a while ago, however from watching the scenes to him what’s going on is provoking this anger. His anger towards max in the car, she’s disobeying him. His anger towards steve at the end where it turns to violence and he’s provoked by an obvious lie. is it right? no (i feel like i say that a lot) but to him it is something that is provoking. He has explosive anger though and I think that could be from his depression. Now with this....We don’t know a whole lot about who he was BEFORE Hawkins and Season 2. He might not have suffered from depression or it was so minor that he didn’t have as bad anger issues. We’re only seeing now.  It could have been triggered by the move, having to leave his life behind, having a step sister and a new responsibility. Now it could also be nothing and he’s just been an asshole his whole life. At the moment I don’t have enough from the duffer brothers to even make a headcanon for that. 

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

He was a bad birth, his mom on a few drugs and didn’t take care of herself like she should have, but with his grandmother she helped raise him through most of it. He had a really bad scare with scarlet fever as a child and it resulted in some loss of hearing, but nothing major. He just knows when he’s older in his 50′s it might decrease further as he ages. It also started the tradition that lasted until he was forced to leave Cali that when he’s sick his mother stays home with him and they sleep on her mattress together and watch the TV. 

30. Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) 

It strongly depends on who it is. If it was his mother, you bet he’s leaving hawkins to go get her ashes and maybe put them somewhere illegal because that’s how his mother was. Like he’d probably spread them near a river. She never would have wanted to be buried under ground. She was a wild child. He’s not going to talk about it, what she meant to him, the loss, and he’d probably wouldn’t ask anyone to make the road trip there. He probably would just tell the school he was going, if they liked it or not who cares, and go. His explosive anger would be worse. His mother being alive always means there was at least some hope that she could come there or he would be released from Neil and able to go back to her. 

Neil dying? He would grieve a lot but feel guilty for being happy about it. The person who has tormented him his whole life is gone. . . but then there is a loss of his father figure (not that he ever had one to begin with)

40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

Billy doesn’t think he’s better than anyone, in fact he knows he’s worse with a lot of things, but he’s so cocky. It’s a huge front.  If you act like you’re the best and you take the top person down. You will be the best and everyone will think that. it’s borderline self-hatred tbh, but this is who he has to live with and if he’s going to be bad...he’s going to be the best at being bad. 

50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

No.  In the end he might be afraid of the unknown, but the act of dying he’s not afraid of.  He’s seen a few of his friends die from violence in his neighborhood. He’s not afraid of it. He just accepts it. He accepts that death one day will greet him and he’ll have to go even if he doesn’t want to.  His mother has almost OD’s multiple times and so has his father. They’ve both have been close to death and it would almost be welcomed. No one would miss him. No one knows him enough to miss him and he knows that. His mother might be coherent enough to go ‘fuck my son is dead’ but that’s about it. He’d be one less thing for Neil. Max hates him and it’s not like he would matter to her. She’s getting a better childhood than him. Susan didn’t take care of him.  Whose around to miss him? That’s part of the reason I think he’s so reckless. Either Neil is going to go for too long when he hits him and something will happen or the smoking and drinking and partying will end him. 

[fanficcollection]

Tumblr - Girl (Part 1)

Tumblr - Girl (Series)

Part 2 Masterlist

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader

Summary: You post on your tumblr after a panic attack, not knowing if you would get an answer

Word Count: 1.736

Warnings: panic attack, angst, swearing, mental illness, depression, maybe fluff (I’m really not good at this!)

Notes: it is my first fanfic and I am not a English native speaker so please don’t hate me

Your POV

“Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.” you said to yourself. You felt the beginning panic attack, your pulse increased, tears welled up in your eyes and you your lungs couldn’t get enough air. “Breathe out. Breathe in.” you continued your mantra. Your whole body was shaking, but you knew it would eventually get better. After a few minutes of just breathing your body calmed down and you took your phone to distract yourself. There was not a lot going on on tumblr but you just scrolled through your dashboard, multiple times you saw postings about the unbelievable support from the SPNfamily and how they cared about their “family members”. You considered yourself as a family member since quite a long time and you often posted help-seeking texts, but not one time you got an answer to those. You just were not important, to anybody, nobody wants to talk to you. Tears started welling up again and you sobbed quietly. Before you knew what you were doing you typed a short text:

Kinda hard

Hey SPNfamily, I read many, many things about your support of family members, but it is hard to get into the family, isn’t it? I really considered me as member, but I couldn’t really get into contact with anyone. I needed a lot of support in the last few weeks and tbh nobody answered my questions for help, for someone to talk. I’m kinda sad about that.

You pressed the “send”-button and buried yourself in your blanket. It took just a few minutes before you heard a sound of your phone. You ignored it, you were sure it was someone who complained about you being an attention-seeking bitch. You cried yourself into a very restless sleep.

In the middle of the night you woke up, your eyes swollen from crying and your pillow soaking wet. Tired and with a bad headache you stood up to get yourself a glass of water and a dry pillow. You saw the notification on your mobile and decided to look at it, you wouldn’t be able to sleep for a couple of hours anyway. It was a private message in your tumblr inbox from a user called oldbonesgoingdown.

“Hey girl,

Just saw your post and was a bit worried about you, so I decided to write you to be sure you are okay. I’ve experienced that unfortunately it can happen that support-seeking posts drown in the floods of SPNfandom posts, gifs, fanfics (you surely know what I’m talking about)

In spite of that I wanted to make sure you know I’m here. In case nobody else recognized your post, I did, and I really wanna help you in every way I can. 

You don’t have to talk to me, if you don’t need to or if you don’t want to, but please just let me know if you’re alright, ok?

Love, oldbonesgoingdown”

You read the text again and again, there was no hate in it, no accusation, just care. A light smile appeared on your face as you tapped at the “answer”-button and wrote a few lines.

“Hello you,

I know it’s late (at least here it’s about 3 a.m.) and I hope I don’t wake you but I just wanted to thank you for your message. Tbh I had a sort of bad moment when I wrote the post and I didn’t thought that anyone would actually care about it. It never happened before that someone cared about me. So thank you! 

And I would really appreciate to have someone to talk to, I just think I will need some time to jump over my own shadow, it isn’t easy for me to share this stuff which isn’t even interesting.

Looking forward to hear from you,

Y/N”

You put your mobile on the floor next to your bed and closed your eyes as you heard that notification-sound again. *Wow, he or she is fast!* you thought, a few seconds you considered leaving your phone alone until in the morning but then your curiosity won and you unlocked your screen.

“Hey

Thanks for your reply, Y/N, is this your real name, Y/N? I like it, it’s a beautiful name, your parents did well here. 

Don’t worry, you didn’t wake me, I couldn’t sleep so I listened to some songs when I got your message, why are you awake this late? Is everything okay? You didn’t specifically say that you are alright, but I hope you are. Take all the time you need, you don’t have to share anything if you don’t want to, I don’t want to push, I just wanna say I’m here to listen, to talk. Don’t rush, my dear.

Love, oldbonesgoingdown”

And a few seconds after the first message arrived there was a second, really short one.

“I was really happy when I saw your message, so I instantly replied, I hope I don’t scared you off.”

You smiled. He, you were very sure now that this was a male because of the comment on your name, really read your message, detected the little things, that you haven’t answered his question, that you put your real name at the end of it and things like that.

“Yes, Y/N it’s my real name, I’m glad you like it, to be honest I don’t like it, but it fits to my person, it’s just as normal and boring as I am, I think.

For the moment I think I’m quite okay, I cried myself into sleep tonight and I woke up a few minutes ago. Got some water and a fresh pillow and saw your message so I thought I quickly answer it. J But if you are tired, go to bed, I don’t want to keep you up all night.

Btw you didn’t scare me off, don’t worry, but you are a fast writer!

Greetings, Y/N”

You sent the message and stared at the display of your phone waiting for his next text, minutes went by and you got sad again, maybe he really got to sleep now, you could understand it, you were just a boring, unnecessary person, no one would like to write with you. No one would like to hear about your problems. Now YOU scared HIM off. Shit, tears started rolling down your face once more as you put your phone away. Desperately you took that razor, which you used to store in your nightstand and with fast moves you slid it across your skin, ten times, maybe twenty times. You saw the little red drops and a sad smile appeared on your face. After some time you watched the drops of blood on your wrist you took a tissue, pressed it on the cuts slightly and fixed it with some bandage. Then without looking on your mobile you went to bed, falling in a deep but restless sleep.

Mishas POV

I was just scrolling through my tumblr dashboard and commented on a few things, I was glad I had this idea with the second account. I enjoyed that nobody knew it was me and I could communicate with the other users just normal. Just like they communicate with each other. I made some great experiences with those people, which are supporting each other as good as they could. I read a few texts as a very short one catches my attention. He or she said the SPNfamily just doesn’t answer his/her asks for support. I looked at the profile and figured out that it was a girl talking, but I was worried, she sounded like she wasn’t well, like she had nobody to lean on. I waited a few minutes but nobody reacted to her text and I felt like I had to do something, so I shot her a quick message asking if she was okay.

Hours later I was still worried about this girl, she hasn’t answered yet and I wasn’t sure what to do. A quick look on my mobile told me it was nearly 2 a.m., shit, I had filming tomorrow. I tried to put myself into bed and get some sleep, but I couldn’t close one eye. So I turned some music on on my phone and thought about what to do. Minutes went by as suddenly the music stopped for a moment and a soft noise said that I got a message. In a flash I took my mobile read the short message and smiled for a short moment, it was from that tumblr-girl, then I read the message again, it was no doubt she was having a hard time, that made me sad. I quickly wrote a reply and sent it, fuck, that was too fast, she might think I am a stalker or something. I shot a short second message explaining the situation and waited, hoping for an answer.

Not much time went by as my phone buzzed again, I saw a message from that tumblr-girl in my inbox but at the time I wanted to answer my phone went out. Shit. I was looking for the charger everywhere until I realised I forgot it on set. Shit. Quickly I started up my laptop and read her message again and answered.

“Don’t think like that, Y/N. I don’t know you that well ( now), but I think you are an interesting person, you seem there are a lot of interesting things to know about you and I would like to get to know them all. 

Oh my dear, I hope you are better now, I feel with you, I know this feeling when your head puts up some cruel ideas and you can’t do anything but believing it, I really know it, but it will pass, at least for a while. And remember, I am here, girl, I am.

Love, oldbonesgoingdown

PS.: And I don’t think Y/N is an normal, boring name, like you said, I think it sounds very light, adorable and lovely, I don’t know anybody who is called Y/N. I really like the sound of it.

I waited and waited but nothing came back. I checked the time again, it was after 4 am. Shit. I layed down and within some minutes I fell to sleep, hoping I did nothing wrong to her.

Part 2

[densoro]

so @ie9999​ asked me ages ago to post info about my OCs and I just realized I’m finally on a laptop so I have a keyboard enough to do that!

Densoro is a long while in the making. I came up with him when I was 11 and for a while he was just the magic/superpower mule for a hyperactive teenage Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy/Legend of Zelda fan. Changed every few months to accommodate some new complete misunderstanding of the laws of physics.

The current draft, tho, is a member of the town guard. In his world, magic is common and everybody is born aligned to one element. However, rarely, people are born unaligned. Such people have no bodily pigment, no capacity for magic, difficulty understanding emotion, and experience colorblindness. The lack of pigment lowers their tolerance to extreme weather conditions, and Densoro overcompensates for his lack of magic by excessively sword training.

His world also has three alternate realities layered one on top another. His father once created a sword, using a special ore which is constantly moving like a lava flow, frozen into form. When stabbed into the ground, it opens a portal, enabling travel between the three. This discovery became a regular fact of life. However, his father tried to use the superior quality of the blade to subjugate the people of the new land he arrived in. He terrorized them for years before he was finally killed. He and his sword came to be known as Vandal.

Years later, as Densoro neared adulthood, a man wielding Vandal attacked Densoro’s town. The town guard managed to repel him, but Densoro began to question the nature of the attacks. Long story short, he uses sword training as a way to understand the lessons handed down by other people, and to eventually understand their feelings. His story is not so much focused around defeating the Vandal, as much as about becoming the kind of person who knows what he’s defending and how.

Arvyria hails from a small, unnamed territory nestled between Sweden and Norway in the early 1300s. One day, she wakes up and her entire town has vanished -- not in the sense that it was razed to the ground, but more that it seems to have never existed. She struggles to make it to civilization, steals a weapon and a few ill-fitted pieces of armor.

Around the same time, people are reporting attacks by fae or demons, some variety of monsters roaming the countryside. Arvyria finds a gauntlet which seems to be able to suck the life out of these monsters, and begins asking around to see if anybody understands how these events are connected. 

Her character vastly changes depending on which weapon she steals, who she meets, and which creatures she vanquishes, in a branching story with several routes.

Reina is one of the people Arvyria can meet. One side of her face is covered in thick, diagonal scars like claw marks framing one white eye. She’s been traveling for months with her 16 year old cousin Vincent. She ran away from her family’s home after Vincent’s father and her abusive husband killed each other. Vincent followed, believing he had a duty to keep her safe from other violent men. Reina suspects this and doesn’t know how to explain to him how sick she is of men in her family risking their lives when she can take care of herself.

The both of them have the ability to see that magic on Earth is a sort of gaseous fluid that surrounds us like an atmosphere. Much like moving underwater, this fluid echoes off our motions in waves and ripples. This allows them to do superhuman feats, but also keeps them up at night because their dreams have been replaced by the ability to watch these waves ebb and flow off everybody’s actions. In places infested by monsters, though, this flow is frozen in place. Because of this and various other stressors -- including their personal situation -- they’re prone to night terrors which cause them to thrash about. Given their abilities, this makes them a danger to entire cities. Reina’s screams alone can fell redwoods.

Depending on how Arvyria’s relationship with Reina develops, Reina may figure out how to explain the motion of magic to her and turn her into another sleepwalker. Also they fall in so much bi lady love and I ship it so hard tbh

Rowen is another potentially crucial figure in Arvyria’s life. He claims to understand the cause of the frozen atmosphere and the monster attacks. He’s a fervent Christian who believes that these creatures were created by a man -- and that the creation of ‘life’ is an affront to God. He’s dedicated himself to mastering the two-handed sword so that he can fight these creatures off, and he has high, uncompromising expectations of all his allies in this endeavor.

If Arvyria is bad enough at using the sword she stole a week ago, she’ll get badly injured in battle, and Rowen will demand that she meet with him for sword lessons as soon as she’s able to move again. He believes he can’t allow her to be a weakness in their cause.

Arvyria as influenced by Reina is a softer, more worldly sort of person. She’s less shy, more able to open up to other people. Reina brings her out of her shell and teaches her to move with magic. On the other hand, Arvyria as trained by Rowen is even more stiff and businesslike than before, downright militaristic, and is a much more disciplined sword-wielder.

(spoilers there’s also a third ending where shit goes all kinds of fucked up and the same force that created the monsters creates Densoro’s entire world lolol)

Alex Blake is a college student in Anchorage, Alaska, living in present day. However, in her timeline, the world’s been stuck in winter for three years straight. The snow basically never stops. In addition, violent crime rates have climbed exponentially and millions of people have gone missing during the three-year winter.

One day, a man follows Alex home and shoots her. The next day, she wakes up in her bed and, despite gruesome memories of her own death, forces herself to go to school. On the walk there, she witnesses something she can’t quite describe: some sort of entity getting mauled to death by a force she can’t see or comprehend. The dying creature’s shadow casts onto her, physically wraps around her, and forms a suit of armor. Long story short, this allows her to walk through the time stream in order to fight monsters that exist in time in a way we don’t understand.

(Fun fact: Alex’s story was going great until I realized I didn’t understand a thing about Alaska’s relationship with its indigenous people and spent days googling things that did nothing to help me understand :’3 I felt I was mishandling the setting and everything crawled to a standstill)

Carson lives in the near future. Young Carson is fine being assigned female, but they keep getting visions of themselves as a tall, lean man with a sword. It gets to the point where they keep forgetting how long their arms actually are -- like they’re used to being taller.

They keep finding incredibly finely-crafted, modern, machined swords hidden in strange places. They keep recognizing them. And they keep getting drawn into violent conflicts where they’re forced to use these weapons.

As Carson gets older, sword fighting overtakes more and more of their life, and they come out as agender. Their body proportions grow to match the man from their visions. They develop a supernatural sense to ‘feel’ the movements other people are making with their bodies -- to feel your arm as though it’s their own. Using this power, they become a paranormal exterminator of sorts.

An unnamed woman from the Gobi desert (because I realized I know nothing about the linguistic conventions of that region and don’t want my white ass to slap some Mandarin on her lolol) grew up in a militaristic society where the unforgiving climate of the expanding desert combined with monster attacks to make survival next to impossible. Their society is at war with the monsters, and uses armored trains covered in spikes to traverse the wastelands safely. However, she tried out for the leader’s personal guard and received a set of armor and intensive magic training when she passed the test. Her trademark is the ability to make force bounce off on contact. For example, she can fall straight down off a cliff, hit the ground, and rather than taking the shock of the fall directly into her body, she can deflect the force so that she flies forward and armor-punches a monster’s face off. Uncertain circumstances bring her to America to confront Carson.

...It’s late. I’ve got a lot down already, but a lot more still to follow XD Feel free to ask for more info about anyone if you’re curious though!

[survivorinternational]

Episode 1 - "You are an evil psychopath... but I kinda dig it." - Veni

STEPHENS BACK 

I love love how these tribes are split up but I’m kind of nervous about playing with people I’ve played other things with before! There was only one person I didn’t already have added and that is Daniel. I’m just going to try to stay on everyone’s good side and maybe try to get close with everyone? I think that we are going to have a strong tribe so that’s a plus! 

Israel is not in Europe

----------

So since this is "International" I decided to call everyone in our tribe be either their home country or town. So Clash is Richmond. Vilma is Oulu. Ginger is Israel. Allan is Scotland. I have yet to talk to Latvia but they appear as a very busy person. So it's Day 2 right now and I have just woken up. Me and Oulu stayed up 'till 6 AM last night just talking and chilling. I really like her so I hope we can make it far. I also like Richmond because that is a cool name so we established a 3-person group. Richmond insists on repeating F3 every 5 minutes which is pretty scary but I'll just disregard it for now. I am enjoying the diversity of our cast, proud to be a European seeing as the other tribes are basically just Australia and just USA. Right now I'll try to put some work into this flag I guess since nobody has taken initiative.

So its off to a relatively good start, I’ve talked with 3 other tribe members and they seem pretty cool, i got a good rapport with Tyler and Jacob especially. They also had good input into the challenge to so, yay. The other to however haven’t spoken, and we can’t blame time zones cause their like, at most an hour seperate. Be careful Sluggyg and Dylan, we lose a challenge we’ll be looking at you. I’m not gonna pm them first though, trying not to come off too needy yet, I’ll give at least some pretense of not being absolutely bonkers. 

Good lookin. Nah jk. So I have to admit I was a late bloomer in terms of speaking in the group chat and I conveniently missed the people I didn't know - Tyler, Dean. I have a history with Jacob and I know Michael from a previous community so I have hit the ground running with the idea of sticking together but nothings too solidified yet so hopefully in a bit I'll find myself in a majority! The only thing Stephen said to me so far is "heyo" and "ya I teach english", so.. 

Ok so Hi. I hate u all why am i here. Im nervous cause im out here trying not ti be the first boot and have to have my dog comfort me while i cry to sleep. Literally shaking in slides. Everyones a bit of a hoot, all male tribe! Wowee. Just going be pals with all these kiddies. Although the flag they made is literal trash, ill be nice :) 

hey boys time for my first confession that will be longer than it should be and not entertaining in the slightest so the cast reveal was interesting! i wasn’t expecting many familiar faces at all, maybe like one or two people i sort of know of. but when i saw ruthie and randy, i was honestly relieved. ruthie and i have always been good allies together in games and i love her a lot. she’s loyal and funny and smart. just overall wonderful person to play with and i’m really happy to have her here. also, seeing randy was so good too. honestly i know he has a ~rEp~ for being not the greatest, but i don’t particularly care. i feel like we’re going to get along really well in this game. the only thing that annoys me is that him talking to me at first was all like, “oh emily you’re so a good player i love you please don’t vote me out get me to merge xo” like he was purposefully inflating my ego because....... people generally think i have a big ego. and a year ago, yeah i definitely did. that’s why i lost both of my last two main season games. my ego got in the way and i got too confident, too cutthroat, too rude, too self absorbed. and so much has happened in my life, i’ve been taken down a few notches and the last thing i want is for people to think i’m a narcissist. i’ve worked on myself a lot and it’s just sad to see people treating me like this like they think it’ll guarantee me wanting to work with them. sigh. anyway, continuing with the other people: my skype app will NOT give me notifications when daniel or patrick send me messages and it’s frustrating me high key because they’ll respond two minutes after i send a message and i won’t see it for hours, even if i check the chat. new skype is ruining my social game yeah! but in general pat and daniel seem cool. only person i’m weary of is liana! i didn’t realize at first, but she’s married to chips who....... hates me LMAO! i’ve never played a game with her so here’s to hoping she doesn’t have an idea of me in her head already. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ other tribe comments: i saw vilma in a game for the first time like well over a year ago and was like i am in LOVE with her and i want to MARRY her. she’s so pretty and seems so funny and when we’re on the same tribe we WILL be best friends and if we’re not i’m THROWING HANDS!!! it has to happen. has to! i don’t think i recognizes literally anyone else? everyone is pretty much unfamiliar to me. so how i’m feeling right now: randy is really good at making flags! and confident that we’ll pull through with reward tbh. like he’s very talented. i’m gonna put together a makeshift flag too just in case it’s ugly and also to show that i’m active and here and contributing, but i doubt it’s going to be bad. and also it’s only reward! if we don’t win, i don’t mind it that much. my fear is that we end up going to tribal the first round! i don’t know how strong this tribe is in terms of challenges. i don’t know anything about liana, daniel, or patrick. i don’t remember anything about randy or ruthie when it comes to challenges either. so we’ll have to see! daniel told me he played on discord so he’s probably used to more text based challenges or flash games, which is very helpful because i’m bad at both. but from my experience, typical tumblr challenges are far different from typical discord challenges. yeah. also, randy and i shared our idol guesses and both found nothing. i went around camp -> shelter -> on top -> nothing and he went around camp -> treemail -> (uhhh something i already forgot lol) -> nothing. i’m gonna share mine with him every round as like a trust thing. idk if he’ll tell me the truth but i’ll tell him the truth! idc honestly! :p okay end of this long confession i hope you had fun reading if you read this far give me an idol clue xoxo emily (dennis remember in mongolia when i told you the exile idol was under a girl’s name) (i’m sorry) 

So the reward challenge is a flag making challenge. I hate a lot of the things, but I am taking a step back since I have been told I can be controlling in the tribe stages when it comes to challenges. So I want to see how well the tribe performs without me stepping in. 

Day one thoughs: Yes!!! A tribe full of people with similar time zones. Jacob and Sluggy are here, nice. UHC alliance has already been suggested... not sure how to feel. Talked to all other tribe members. Everyone seems nice... dont quite trust Tyler yet... seems shifty Reward challenge: Not a fan of original design. Spent a bit of time working on another design... which i had more time to make it better. Seems to be good enough, will see what tribe says. Idol search round one: nothing

me: so yeah just send me your image so I can do all the work and make the flag everyone: (by the way these confessionals will be over the top and not express my true true  feelings, i.e. I'm exaggerating everything)

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The plan is to kill people with kindness! I really don't plan on winning but i'd love to if I am able to. I just hope I stay long enough to talk to most. My two closest friends are Richmond and Oulu. Oulu is super nice and we talk often so that is cool ----------

Oh lord I am actually exuding so much time in this survivor good thing it is summer geez 

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Ginger spoiled 2 survivor seasons in the same message I am crying :(

So i finally got to talk to everyone on the tribe. Tyler seems rlly friendly and talkative which kinda draws me towards him. Stephen is more analytical and observant... Dean is just the passive, looks on and watches kinda guy. Both Stephen and Dean want to be or are writers so. One thing great about working with Stephen would be someone people target as a strategic threat instead of me - but I don't know if I'll be able to work well with him atm... 

Okay I was gonna wait until after the immunity challenge to do my first confessional but I am DYING. So Veni is making our flag (which honestly I'm not too sure about but I'm awful at art so I can't really say anything) and he asks for pictures to use in it. So I send him a picture of me sitting on a throne, which I took at a bar near me. and this bitch..... Goes "It's like ghetto Game of Thrones, I love it!" BITCH!? Ghetto? Honestly this guy needs to take it down a notch because he's trying way too hard to take control of the reward challenge and is being super bossy and I think people aren't gonna take that for much longer. 

As for the first day of this season I’m loving it so far. Loving the activity and positivity in our tribe and people here are very friendly. Already have started conversation with Clash, Vilma and Ginger. Trying to develop early relationships that will be necessary for the rest of the game. Just need to show activity in tribe chat so my tribe mates not see me as an inactive player because inactive players are usually the first one out. 

So we won the reward challenge and we get a firemaking kit, and inside there's an immunity idol clue. Jacob and Stephen both get it, and Jacob told me it was hidden at the beach. I have no clue if he is lying or not, but if he isn't it means God was right to tell me yesterday that it is at the beach. Now i just need to be the first one to search the next time around. 

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So talking with Stephen, he seems to say the word "snazzy" a lot, so I've nocknemaed 

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Oops i didn't finish...I nicknamed him "snazzy Stephen". What's Snazzy Stephen gonna call snazzy today!?

So we won the reward challenge! Great. The morale seems fairly high amongst our tribe. I've had conversations with pretty much everyone in some way. No talk of strategy or alliances have begun, from what I'm aware. I hope we win this challenge, because I feel good about this tribe. 

I mean, can I not flop this first challenge ? I feel like this tribe is a very good mix of people, chemistry is there so now we just need not to be total failures ! hehe 

After all the bonding I love this tribe, Dean is a lot more reserved than the rest of the tribe and hasn't approached me yet, but everyone else has talked. I've got a nice alliance with Michael and Sluggy, as well as some trust with Tyler and Stephen. After Michael won us the firemaking challenge I found the idol clue. Once everyone has used their firemaking advantage, I'll decide who I share the clue with. So far I have told Sluggy and then Stephen got the clue. All Giraffes Deserve Kisses.

Usually I wouldn’t mind going to the first tribal, but with 6 people all it takes is one misstep to be the target, and I don’t want to risk that. That being said if it does come down to that i think Jacob, Tyler and I will stick together, all we need is one more than that. 

looking over the whole cast, I realised I know Dani & Sluggy from other survivors that's cool

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I got 30 point something seconds like 3 times I hate fairdyne

So basically I've talking quite a bit with Emily and Randy, they're great people. Overall people are super nice, it's awesome! The Ala Mai flag winning is bullshit though what kind of judges were those? I'd have been fine with Faatasi winning, that's a nice flag, but Ala Mai's was ugly af sorry bros 

So, Emily and I are working together to try to find the idol! Which is exciting, hopefully one of us will find it. If I do I’m pretty sure I’ll tell her because it will show that I trust her?!! I talk to her and Randy the most on our tribe and I really don’t know where I stand with everyone else

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i got a big fat 0 for the team but I’m glad our tribe won! Everyone else did great.  Hopefully no one points out how weak I was in the challenge. I’m going to savannah for the night tomorrow so I’m glad not to worry about tribal council while I’m out of town! Yay for not being the first boot!

ok see I am here to win but I got ginger on my tribe!! we love us a good ol rival so yeah even though he's acting fake and said he wants work with me I can't trust him with that I have built a good connection with Veni and Vilma and hope they will stay loyal as well. I am worried about the tribal as my score was bad but lets hope for the best 

Right. So we’ve just won the immunity challenge but all the rats on my team did well so it doesn’t give us an easy target for any upcoming tribals. I got some T from Michael letting me know that both Jacob and Dean found the clue to the hidden immunity idol and they told him but not me. First off rude considering I told Jacob I’d tell him if I found it. I’m in an uncomfortable situation already on this tribe, I feel like i don’t have as strong of connections as everyone else and it’s scaring me. All I need is two friends to guarantee my safety and it’s looking like those friends will be Michael and The kid from Singapore (don’t remember his name oops). This season feels different, I usually feel powerful but Rn I feel like I’m having to push to navigate my way into relationships with people. Also some of these guys on my drive give off the arrogant and cocky vibe and I hate it. 

Only one in my tribe to win a challenge, got the r/ultrahardcore alliance, everyone knows the idol clue because Michael got looser lips than Mia Khalifa.

I *think* we're voting Emils? I mean he's been the least active and from I've been told he has not talked to people much (including me) so. I hope it goes well. Usually I am pretty calm in the survivors I play but goddamn I am paranoid. Maybe since I am enjoying myself so much so I don't want to go yet? 

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Logically I won't be voted out here, right? I've talked to basically everyone a fair bit, I did the whole flag and I got 2/2 possible points. I'm safe.. right? 

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Here is veni's power rankings of the people in my tribe: 1. Oulu 2. Tel Aviv 3. Richmond 4. Allan 5. Emils 

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So I re-read my Fairy Survivor S2 stuff I wrote pre-game and goddamn if I am not a broken record. I am basically doing the same thing this time I love it lol. I do hope the experience I got in the year and a half between those has taught me valuable lessons. 

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Tel Aviv has really high gamesense and sense of strategy. We both discussed how important it is to have that one loyal person to win. I hope he implies I am his. For me it's Oulu I think

Okay so the first round is almost over. Thankfully my tribe was able to win immunity because I am not ready for tribal that's for sure! These small tribes freak me out. But...if we do end up going to tribal I am ready because I FOUND AN IDOL! I'm a little skeptical because it was way too easy and so I'm scared everyone has an idol but we shall see. I'm really terrible at games in the beginning because I hate awkward small talk so I was definitely scared of tribal. I'm not in any alliances yet but hopefully that is because it is still early. I'm trying to prove myself an asset and I was glad I did great at that shark game. It was very challenging to play because I had my baby smashing my keyboard or mouse and closing out of the game in the middle of playing, ahhaha. 

Day 2: Won Reward challenge!! WOOT!! All that effort wasn't for naught. The /r/ultrahardcore alliance was made between Sluggy, Jacob and myself... Im not sure how I feel about this. Immunity challenge announced, Flash games while I'm at work. FUCK FLAPPY BIRD I can do this Hextris and Shark game... I will submit one of these. Fire lighting challenge, I fail at striking a light. Sluggy and Jacob tell me that Jacob has an Idol Clue, it is apparently on the beach. Continue my chats with everyone. Dean also tells me about the Idol clue, either its on the beach and people trust me or there is an alliance that is fabricating stories. Work out everyone but Tyler knows about the clue so I tell him Gained Tyler's trust End day 2 Day 3: We win Immunity, YES!!! I spent the day continuing to build relationships. Mention to Jacob the Tyler doesnt think he likes him and to win Tyler's trust Jacob told Tyler about the clue, but it seems to only further distrust as he waited so long to tell him about it. This could have made Tyler distrust me more as well... Working with Jacob could be dangerous down the line. /r/UHC needs a 4th... Dean and Tyler's names are suggested. Trash talk hosts in tribe chat all day. Im worried my chattiness may put a target on my back, will need to be careful. End Day 3 

I’m loving my tribe and our female avatar presence. Whoever is rob Mariano I kind of want to vote out though. I’m super glad we won immunity and I don’t have to try super hard to be chatty. Loving the format so far 

HI I'M VILMA AND I'M VERY EXCITED TO PLAY I also suck at making confessionals because they take a lot of effort for my Finnish speaking ass so I like to just copy bits from my host chat, be prepared Right off the bat I was confused because I didn't get cast with anyone I would've played with before. I recognized a few familiar faces but most people I have no frame of reference for. This meant I couldn't rely on riding with any pre game relationships and I had to actually socialize with people. Thank god we didn't have a one world phase this time around so I only had to keep up with five other people! Clash playing hard right off the bat I specced his season so I know he was a big moves type of guy haha I wanna make sure I'm on his good side My tribe is very active But I'm Very Scared Of The Zwooper People They tend to be crazy And I'm not about that crazy life at all I CAN'T EVEN WITH VENI WHERE DOES HE GET ALL HIS JOKES FROM I LOVE HIM Alright I think Veni and I are the only ones left awake And He is my favorite I've talked to everyone except the Latvian guy or was he Lithuanian THE BALTIC GUY Ginger and Clash both seem like people I need to be wary of Power players for sure, and good socially And according to Clash they have bad blood from previous games So I can see them targetting each other if we go to tribal And Clash already made a three way alliance between myself him and Veni Which I'm okay with, as of now Veni I definitely want to work with And I prefer staying on good terms with Clash Allan I have neutral feelings towards, only talked to him a bit so far But I stan the Europe tribe I just can't keep up with multiple convos at once so it's been super confusing Already shared my idol guesses with Veni and Clash I think I'm the only girl on my tribe Not a big fan of that fact Really wanted to play with Emily I hope we both make it to a swap so I could meet her Chatting with these people I've started to realize how much I abuse caps lock and exclamation points It's a really bad habit Should probably tone it down, everyone must be thinking I'm screaming at them constantly I'm playing so different compared to how I usually play I usually never initiate convos And try to step up as little as possible While still being friendly with everyone But now I've been very social It's weird Feels like I'm harassing everyone ... Unfortunately, we lost the first immunity challenge ... YIKES I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST BOOT CALLING IT NOW HOW TF DID THEY GET 6 MILLION I think Emils might be the target Which I'm okay with since he seems to only be online a bit in the evenings Everyone knows I hate losing challenges so I want active people He seems really nice though, but seems like everyone has talked to him the least Clash told me that him and Ginger have decided to leave their past behind so I guess they're not going to target each other just yet I'm glad he's telling me this though it makes me trust him a bit more But I'll still keep my eye on both of them _ Ok hi I'm checking in about an hour before tribal and as far as I know Emils should be going home tonight. It's been super quiet around camp though and it makes me feel paranoid, but I hope it'll be an easy first vote. Veni wants me to make a chat with him and Ginger so we could solidify we make it through next round if we end up having to go to tribal again. My issue is I think Clash and Ginger are closer than they seem and I'm scared if we made a chat without Clash and he found out about it he could become angry. That's why i'd rather it to be a four-way chat between me, Veni, Clash and Ginger but we shall see what happens in the next few hours I guess.

Okay that went perfectly. Ngl when Ginger was like "someone doesn't know it's them tonight" I FREAKED. Then my name gets written down at tribal and I was like ????. I mean luckily it wasn't me but god that was scary. I really hope we win this next immunity I can't deal with that stress rn lmao. I also have no clue who I'd vote out. Also in other news, Chase is cute af! I'm gonna be so embarrassed when he leaves and is able to read this but it's true. I definitely wanna keep him around for a bit lmao. 

jesus christ ginger you are an evil psychopath.. but I kinda dig it

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also I am mostly done with location based names.. for now