#he's got a lot of angles of nuance

[the-suns-beloved]

sometimes I have thoughts about niccolo....

[sailorrhansol]

Amnesia | c.sc (m)

❀ Pairing: Choi Seungcheol x f. reader

❀ Summary: Choi Seungcheol has never been the type to commit to relationships - casual is more his thing. You’re fine with that - except you and Seungcheol seem to be terrible at casual when it comes to one another. 

❀ Word Count: 11,920

❀ Genre: Friends with benefits to lovers 

❀ Type: Smut, Angst if you squint 

❀ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.

❀ Warnings: Recreational drinking, mild jealousy from both reader and Cheol, themes of self doubt/relationship doubt, light depictions of anxiety regarding ambiguous relationships, explicit language, Cheol and reader are both idiots, explicit sexual content including oral (f. and m. receiving), vaginal fingering, nipple stim, breath play if you squint, unprotected vaginal sex, a lot of bodily fluids like spit and cum, multiple smut scenes, hair pulling, light spanking, sub-space adjacent feelings, being a lil silly goofy during sex sometimes, stupid ass nicknames at the end because I’m a millennial and I’m cringe sometimes. 

❀ A/N: This was absolutely not what I originally imagined when I wrote this fic - it was supposed to be angsty and frustrating and a lot of back and forth and instead I wrote two fucking idiots who obviously like one another just being down bad. I don’t know how or why I got here, but here we are. Also - Jeongcheol coming out with billiards content after I posted the teaser for this is fucking sENDING me, thank you for making Pool Shark Seungcheol canon. 

❀ Disclaimer: Disclaimer: All members of Seventeen are faces and name claims for stories. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios. Moreover, none of my works accurately reflect, represent or take a stance on the nuances of Korean culture, cities, people etc. Seventeen members are not Seventeen culturally, intellectually, physically, or representationally in my stories, and should be considered name and face stand-ins for made up characters.

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DAY ONE

You’re a goner as soon as you lay eyes on him. You know it before Jeonghan properly introduces you, shouting over the rock music that is blaring in the dive bar you like to hang out at on Friday nights. The neon from the sign creates a blue silhouette around Seungcheol as he smiles and holds a hand out to you. You can barely pull yourself together to shake his hand - warm, firm - too busy staring at his face. 

Choi Seungcheol is what your best friend Vin likes to call pretty motherfuckin handsome. He’s got dark, warm eyes that light up playfully when they meet yours, full lips the color of crushed rose petals, a square, firm jawline and silky dark hair that falls in his eyes when he tilts his face down to hide a smile at something Jeonghan says. 

Crushed against the wall of the booth, you feel the cold glass of your beer warm against your palms as you steal glances at Seungcheol. He’s directly across from you, angling his broad shoulders to fit snug into the corner of the booth, lounging backward as he observes the argument brewing between Joshua and Jeonghan. 

He even dresses well. Fitted t-shirt paired with light wash jeans and boots, a fancy watch reflecting the burning neon on the wall next to him, delicate chain necklaces tucked into the collar of his shirt. 

It’s the way he wears them that speaks to you, though. 

“Do they do this often?” his deep voice drags you from your reverie. You blink, gathering yourself when you realize he’s leaning forward a little, addressing you. He sips his beer before tilting the tip of the bottle toward Jeonghan and Joshua. “It’s like they're married.”

“You have no idea. Wait until game night.” 

“Oh yeah. Jeonghan told me about game night.” Seungcheol’s mouth twitches in a smile. “You’ll be there?” 

“Every Sunday. Do you like games?” 

Something about the glint in his eye makes your stomach flip. You sip your beer just to give you something to do, feeling more drunk off the easy confidence he exudes as he shrugs. “Depends on the game. I’m competitive.” 

“So am I.”

He grins. “I look forward to it, then.” 

Warming up to Seungcheol is easy. He’s the new hire at Jeonghan and Wonwoo’s office, and they both felt confident enough to bring him into the fold. You can see why - he’s kind and funny, and there’s a charm to him that draws the people around him like moths to a flame. Even with just the four of you sitting in the booth, you feel the magnetism. 

Friday nights at Rusty’s has been a tradition with Jeonghan and Joshua since you had been in college, filling yourself on five dollar wings, three dollar beers and occasionally lukewarm mozzarella sticks. Normally Vin, Wonwoo and Mingyu would be around, but tonight it’s just the smaller group. 

Jeonghan and Joshua slide out of the booth to play darts, shoving one another back and forth, the drink in their step making them a little off balance. You smile fondly as you pluck another beer out of the bucket of ice, struggling to pop the top, your wet hands sliding against the metal cap. 

Wordlessly, Seungcheol holds his hand out. Flushing from the neck down, you hand it over to him with a silent thank you. He pops the top easily, bicep flexing for a moment before he passes it back over, shooting you an award winning grin. 

“Wow, so strong.”

He pouts and you swear you see stars. “Hey, I am strong.” 

“No, no, you are. Thank you.” 

“You shouldn’t tease me. I’m new.” 

“Huh.” You sip your beer, letting the cool liquid slide down your throat. It does nothing to soothe the heat spreading over your skin under the sole attention of Seungcheol. “I don’t remember that being a rule.” 

“I never was one to play by the rules anyway.” 

“Oh, so you’re saying you cheat at games like Jeonghan does.” 

“I like winning.”

You roll your eyes. From the edge of your vision, you see people leave the pool table. Eager to stand up and stretch your legs, you start to slide out of the booth, the wood grain scratching against your jeans as you do. 

“Come on then, cheater. Let’s play pool.” 

“I’m down.” 

Seungcheol follows you. Your fingers grip the glass of your drink tight, knuckles straining. You move around tables and duck around other patrons, hyper aware of the way Seungcheol keeps close to you, the heat of him against your back. 

Next to the rows of dart boards are two pool tables, the felt a faded green with beer stains and other mysterious smudges on the surface. You grab a cue from the rack on the wall, spin it in your hands, and hand it over to Seungcheol. He eyes it, running his fingers along the splintered and dented wood.

Grabbing your cue in one hand and the triangle rack and set it on the table while he collects the balls from the table and the pockets, rolling them over to you. A few feet away, Joshua is already accusing Jeonghan of cheating. You don’t know how you cheat in darts, but you do know if there is a will, Jeonghan will find a way.

“Dangerous to let them have sharp objects,” Seungcheol notes, sliding the last ball over to you. You huff out a laugh, rolling the rack of billiard balls back and forth to set them. “You’re not going to get violent with me, right?”

“I don’t know, are you going to cheat?”

His smile is wicked. “Me? Definitely not.” 

“Hmm. Not convincing.”

Seungcheol presses the flat of his palm over his chest, drawing your eyes to how thick he is in the chest area. You swallow thickly as he says, “Cross my heart.” 

“Whatever you say. What are we playing for?” 

“What will you give me?” 

You look up at the shift in his tone. Dark. Flirty. He leans against the pool table, resting his hip casually as he crosses his arms over his chest. You ignore the way his arms flex, totally focused on the way his eyes are only for you. Intent. Meaningful. 

A warning goes off in your head. You already feel the pull to him, the innate attraction that has your heart hammering. You should brush off the flirtation, move on to other things. Relationships aren’t really your thing, but there’s something about him that makes you know you’ll want more. 

You already do want more. 

“What do you want?” you ask softly, ignoring your better judgment. 

When Seungcheol smiles, you know you’d give him anything. Everything.

“I can think of something, I think.”

-

DAY SEVEN

“I like this,” Seungcheol says, voice rough from use. He buttons his jeans, looking over at you. You’re still half-alive on your bed, a sheen of sweat covering your body. The sheets stick to you when you roll to look at him. “Are you good with casual?”

You’re only half listening, too distracted by his flexing abs. “Hmm?”

Seungcheol looks good tonight. He looks good every night, but tonight he’s in dark jeans and a white sweater. The sweater looks soft like his hair, which has grown longer and hangs in his eyes as he looks down to slip on his shoes. 

“I’m not really looking for a relationship at the moment but this,” he answers, flicking his fingers between the two of you. “It’s good.” 

“Agreed. I’m good with casual. I’m a little too busy for anything more.” 

It’s not a lie. You are too busy to really commit to someone. Again, a warning goes off in your mind like that first night you met him, screaming danger. You ignore it, not ready to give up Seungcheol just yet. 

He grins, pulling his short back over his head. “Cool. If you ever don’t want to or whatever though, let me know, yeah?”

“You too.” 

-

DAY TEN 

Seungcheol [2:06 AM]: Come home with me You [2:06 AM]: Everyone would notice Seungcheol [2:07 AM]: Tell them where you’re going who caaaares Seungcheol [2:08 AM]: Unless you don’t want to tell them then that’s ok Seungcheol [2:08 AM]: I personally don’t care if they know I’m rearranging your guts most nights :)  You [2:10 AM]: CHEOL You [2:10 AM]: Fine pls hold my hand while I do this. They’re going to roast me Seungcheol [2:08 AM]: Holding your hand sooo tight Seungcheol [2:08 AM]: But from like over here tho  You [2:19 AM]: That was so embarrassing. Where did you go Seungcheol [2:19 AM]: She’s so brave, she’s well behaved Seungcheol [2:19 AM]: Standing outside hurry it's cold as dick out here

Seungcheol [4:38 AM]: Don’t forget to text me when you make it home  You [4:52 AM]: Home safe!  

-

DAY TWENTY THREE

You [11:10 PM]: Wyd Seungcheol [11:34 PM]: Need it that bad? You [11:39 PM]: Wow goodnight!!!!! Seungcheol [11:39 PM]: Nah come back Seungcheol [11:43 PM]: COME BACK Seungcheol [11:43 PM]: Omw. Unlock the door You [11:45 PM]: Need it that bad?  Seungcheol [11:45 PM]: Yes actually :) 

-

DAY THIRTY

You slide your finger across the phone, curious as you pick up Seungcheol’s phone call. “Hello?”

“Are you hungry?” 

You look at your watch. It’s almost one in the afternoon, your stomach growling as it realizes that yeah you are kind of hungry. “Actually yeah. Why?” 

“I had to run errands and I’m by your place and starving. Wanna get lunch?” 

Your lips twitch in a smile. Leaning against the counter, you press the phone against you a little closer. “Sure, what did you have in mind?” 

“Do you like Greek?” You hum in assent, chewing on your fingernail nervously. You can hear him get into his car, pausing momentarily as he starts it and curses at how hot it is. You can’t help but laugh. “Alright, pick you up in ten?”

“Alright.” 

-

DAY FORTY THREE

He’s not yours. You tell yourself that over and over again as you try not to look across the bar where Seungcheol is sitting for the nth time. You’d noticed him immediately when you and Vin walked in, clocking his wide frame and familiar laugh with a precision that makes you curse yourself.

Now, Seungcheol is leaning against a high top, talking to a pretty girl sitting on a stool next to him. He’d waved at you earlier and shot you a smile and a wink, but he’s with friends you’re unfamiliar with tonight, and hasn’t come over.

Not that you expect him to. He isn’t yours and the casual thing you’ve got going means he can do whatever he wants, no strings attached.

So why is your heart in your throat as you glance over to see the girl laughing at something he’s said? They’re not alone but somehow that isn’t comforting at all. You pick at the varnish on the table to distract yourself, suddenly interested in the splinters and not the man across the bar from you.

Finishing the rest of your beer, you pull out another, hoping that the hoppy taste erases the icky feeling that settles on your skin. You’re not participating in conversation much, but if your friends notice, they have the decency not to call you out. 

At least Vin knows what’s up, checking on you every once in a while. Thankfully she doesn’t say anything, occasionally giving you a squeeze instead. She knows the deal, understanding the irrationality between wanting to control something that isn’t yours to control. 

Halfway through your beer, your phone vibrates. You flip it over and your heart starts pounding when you see Seungcheol’s name come across the screen, a message waiting to be read. With a shaky hand, you slide your thumb across the screen to unlock it, the message popping up.

Seungcheol [12:13 AM]: Wanna come back to mine? 

Surprised, you look up from your phone to where he’s still at the high top. His phone is in his hands and he’s looking right at you, flashing a grin when you meet his eyes. The girl is still sitting next to him, but his attention is entirely on you now, pinning you to the spot. 

Your phone vibrates again and you glance down, your phone’s brightness stark in the gloom of the bar. 

Seungcheol [12:13 AM]: You’re cute when you’re surprised You [12:14 AM]: What, the girl you were talking to said no? Seungcheol [12:14 AM]: I didn’t ask her. I asked you Seungcheol [12:14 AM]: Omg wait are you jealous?? You [12:14 AM]: No You [12:14 AM]: Definitely not  Seungcheol [12:17 AM]: Hateful to me is Hades for a liar or whatever You [12:17 AM]: Hateful to me as the gates of Hades is that man who hides one thing in his heart and speaks another, loser Seungcheol [12:18 AM]: Same thing Seungcheol [12:18 AM]: But seriously, I have no interest in her. I’m asking YOU Seungcheol [12:18 AM]: Will beg from my knees in this bar Seungcheol [12:19 AM]: Even tho the floor is kind of gross You [12:20 AM]: I mean, if you’re offering to get on your knees… 

You’re not sure if you trust his answer about not being interested in the other girl, but it doesn’t matter. You still end up leaning against him in an Uber, his hand squeezing your thigh playfully as he leans his forehead on the window, eyes closed to enjoy the cool glass. 

He is so handsome, face glowing red as the car stops at a stoplight. You examine him closely, eyes dragging from the soft curve of his mouth to his impossibly silk lashes. You’d told him once that most girls would kill for those lashes, and now he likes to bat them at you every time he wants something. 

The car starts moving and you look away from him, taking in a deep breath. Seungcheol isn’t yours, but you’re starting to think you want him to be. 

DAY FIFTY TWO

“Is it weird if I bring a bag of shit to stay?” Seungcheol’s voice is shy over the receiver. You grip your phone tighter, biting your bottom lip to hide your smile as you roll onto your side in bed, snuggling into the pillow more. It smells like him, bergamot and cedarwood. “You can tell me if that’s weird.”

“Not weird at all,” you say carefully, too nervous to scare him off. “You usually end up sleeping here anyway.” 

Usually really means always. He’s been doing that more recently, crashing at your apartment after coming over and vice versa. You’ve gone from Uber rides home at dawn to waking up curled into his back. He’s the first person you’ve ever let loiter in your space as much as he has, but you try not to think about it too much, as though just the acknowledgement might spook him.

Whatever thing between you feels fragile, a rare, glass menagerie set that can shatter if handled wrong. Friends with benefits is what you call it, but you’re not quite sure if that’s what it is.

“Okay cool. Waking up at the ass crack of dawn to go back to my place and shower sucks.” 

“I do have a shower.”

“Oh I’m aware. It’s one of my favorite places in your apartment.” 

Your stomach flutters and you clench your thighs together. Looking at the clock on your nightstand, you realize it’s getting late. “Better hurry,” you murmur. “I might be too tired for a shower when you get here.” 

His chuckle is deep. Throaty. “I’ll speed, then.” 

After hanging up, you toss your phone to the end of your bed and stare at the ceiling. Outside, the city hums beyond the window of your apartment. The lights in your home are mostly turned off, a single lamp providing low light in the living room so Seungcheol can see when he comes in, and a flickering candle on your nightstand and in the bathroom. 

Your bed is warm and you do feel sleepy, but the excitement of seeing Seungcheol keeps you awake well enough. You try not to think of that too much, either. He was just there a few nights prior, and already he’s on his way back. Like it’s common. Routine. 

And it sort of is, you guess. You hangout with Seungcheol almost more than you see Vin and Jeonghan these days, and you’re almost always spending the night together. You know his favorite late night snacks, you know the type of coffee he likes to make in the morning before work, and you know about his family, his stresses at work. What makes him tick. 

It’s more than you ever thought you’d know about him when you agreed to keep your sex life with him casual and at a distance. He is anything but at a distance. 

Seungcheol must speed, because it feels like hardly any time has passed when you hear your apartment door open and shut, the sound of the deadbolt clicking. You lift yourself up to lean on your elbows, watching from your bed as he enters your line of vision, a backpack over one shoulder. 

He’s dressed in a long t-shirt and sweats, cozy and warm and still unbelievably good looking. He grins when he sees you, eyes creasing at the corners as he enters your room and drops his bag by your door. 

Without saying anything, Seungcheol crawls onto your bed, the mattress sinking under his weight as he inches up over you. Falling backward onto the mattress, you let him loom over you. Heat radiates from his body, warming you up. Your heart thuds as he ducks down, his hands bracketing your head as he cages you in. He brushes his nose against yours and you feel sparks, trying to regulate your breathing. 

“Hi,” he whispers. 

“Hi,” you whisper back, reaching your hands up to rest on his hips. He reacts, pressing his waist into yours a little, making you bear his weight. “Ugh, heavy.” 

“Too bad.” 

Seungcheol’s teeth nip your jaw, making your hips twitch upward. You can feel the smirk against your skin as he presses a wet kiss under your ear, moving his way to your neck. 

“I was promised a shower.”

“Maybe I’m too tired,” You murmur.

He hums, leaning more of his weight into you. It’s comforting, not crushing, and you can feel the way his heart is beating wildly in his chest, in tune with yours. You smell bergamot and cedarwood, making your thoughts dizzy and scattered while he whispers, “I’ll wash your hair.” 

“Hmmm. I’m listening.” 

He presses a wet kiss to your pulse point, tongue laving against your skin. Your fingers twist in his shirt, your muscles tensing as you fight off a shiver. You can hear his soft breath, the way the sheets shift under the two of you, the way your heart hammers.  

“I’ll massage your shoulders…” 

“Hmm.” 

His teeth scrape against your throat and you sigh, arching up into him, eyes closed. “I’ll eat you out.” 

Fuck. You’re putty in his hands. Seungcheol could get you to do anything he asked. You don’t know if he knows - you’re too afraid to show him, to let him in on the secret out of fear of what it would mean to him. If it was too much, too deep.

But like this, it’s hard not to hide it. Especially when his filthy mouth hits a weak point in you, turning you thoughtless as you nod your head in response, nails digging into his hip bones through the fabric of his shirt. He makes a noise in response, leaning up off of you reluctantly but pulling you with him. 

Dropping his hands, you head to the bathroom, feeling uneven. Seungcheol whines and grabs you to pull you back toward him. He wraps his arms around you, squeezing tightly. 

“You haven’t even given me a kiss,” he pouts, looking down at you through long, dark lashes. “I want a kiss.” 

This is the problem with Seungcheol. He says things like this when you’re supposed to be casual, something easy and without feelings and without strings. But this feels like something, it feels like there's a thread connecting you, tugging your mouth to his because of course you indulge him.

You always do. 

Seungcheol’s lips are soft and taste faintly of his cherry chapstick. You smile into the kiss, standing on your tiptoes to press closer to him. He kisses you back eagerly, slotting his lips against yours and humming with delight. When you pull away, he’s smug, grinning happily. 

“Come on,” he urges, now leading the charge as he pulls you by the hand toward your bathroom. 

Instead of turning on the light, Seungcheol uses the glow of the burning candle on the counter to navigate. He drops your hand to open up the cabinets and pulls out two towels as you trail to the shower, opening the glass door to lean in and turn it on. 

Steam starts to fill the room as you close the shower door and turn to him. He sets the towels on the counter, not bothering to shut the door to the bedroom. Instead, he grips the bottom of his shirt and peels it upward and over his head, revealing all toned muscle and tan skin. 

He momentarily distracts you. Seungcheol is a work of art, equal parts rippling muscle and soft skin. You slide your shorts down, distracted by the way he looks in the golden shroud of the candle light, sliding his sweatpants down his legs. 

Sensing your eyes, he lifts his head as he kicks off his sweats, briefs slung low on his hips. “Admiring me?” 

“Shut up.” 

Looking away, you take off your shirt, feeling the heat flush from your cheeks down to your neck. He chuckles, peeling off his briefs before kicking them toward the sink and striding toward the shower. He stops to kiss you on the cheek as he pulls open the door. 

“I don’t mind,” he teases. “I like it.” 

It’s true. Seungcheol has always had the easy confidence of someone who is comfortable in their skin. You admire that about him - and envy him a little. Seungcheol never seems to worry what others think of him, nor does he seem embarrassed or concerned about making the wrong move. Saying the wrong thing. 

Steam hits you full on as you step into the shower. Seungcheol is already standing under the spray of water, his back turned toward you. For a moment you admire him again, watching the way the water sluices down his broad back and narrow waist. 

Your eyes drift to the tattoo at his neck, the branches of the tree stretching toward his shoulders. You’ve traced that tree with the tips of your fingers and tongue over and over again, fascinated about the way the ink flexes when he moves. 

A chill catches you, making you shiver and step toward the heat of the water. He senses your approach, turning his head to the side to look at you over his shoulder. He grins, reaching a hand back toward you to pull you close. You lace your fingers, letting him pull you into him as he turns. 

Hot water hits your skin, immediately soothing. You sigh, leaning into the firmness of him, Seungcheol’s arms wrapping around you. He catches your mouth again, your eyes fluttering shut as he kisses you slowly, tongue lazy as he licks into your mouth. 

Seungcheol’s hands spread across your back, fingers digging in a little as he starts to explore, one hand surging up and the other down. You moan into his mouth as the hand that drifts down grabs a handful of your ass, squeezing a little. His mouth curves into the kiss and you feel his teeth pull at your bottom lip, something he knows you love.

As always, you’re a goner. You don’t stand a chance with him. Not that first night and not now when he kisses you like something more. Not when he slides his hand around to your front, pressed between your bodies to run his fingers up the wet folds of your pussy. 

He groans into the kiss that has turned sloppy, hungry. “Fucking wet.”

“We’re in the shower.” 

He growls and pulls his mouth from you to attach to your neck, biting and sucking harshly. You let out a breathy sound, head tilting back heavily as you feel his tongue lick the water from your skin. “Don’t take away my credit.” 

“The only crime is pride.”

The pads of his fingers press into your clit, making your knees knock together and the breath leave your lungs. He smiles against your neck, humming. “Which classic are you quoting at me today?” 

“Antigone by Sophocles.” 

“What’s that one about?” 

Finding words is nearly impossible. The heat of the shower has you flushed and distracted, the steam making it harder to breathe, thoughts sticky as Seungcheol continues to tease you, fingers dragging down to your clenching entrance to press his fingers in slightly before dragging them back up.

Your nails bite into the back of his neck, clinging to him for life as he holds you up, one arm looped around your back to press you to him while the other makes all your thoughts scattered. 

“Come on,” he urges gently, bringing his face to yours. He brushes his nose against yours, nudging. “Tell me.” 

“She was a tragic character in a play written by Sophocles,” you sigh. “She was the daughter of Oedipus.” 

“The guy who fucked his mom?”

Your laughter bubbles out of you. He laughs too, his hold tightening. “Yeah, Cheol. The guy who fucked his mom.”

“Craaazy family.” 

“Do you really want to talk about Greek tragedy incest right now?”

“Nope,” he says happily. “I do want to eat this pussy though.” 

Seungcheol flips gears so quickly that it’s hard to keep up. He swings you toward the glass wall of the shower, pressing your chest against it. You moan loudly, startled by the cool glass against your hard nipples. The contrast of hot water and the cool glass feels good, your eyes fluttering shut as Seungcheol drops to his knees behind you. He gently presses the inside of your knees, urging you to spread your legs. 

“Just like that,” he encourages, hands ghosting upward to squeeze your ass. He pulls your hips away from the glass and toward him, groaning as he comes face level to your cunt. “Fuck.”

Your breath fogs the glass. It’s cold when you press your palms against it, holding yourself up as Seungcheol dips forward, running the flat of his tongue down your slit. You let out a pathetic sound and he laughs, fingers squeezing your flesh. 

Everything feels like an exposed nerve. You melt, knees shaking and unsteady as Seungcheols tongue leisurely explores your folds, dipping into your entrance before dragging up to circle your clit. 

One of your hands leaves the glass to reach back, sinking into the wet strands of his hair and holding him to you. He grunts in pleasure, the buzz of his mouth adding to the simulation as he fastens his lips to you, sucking gently. 

Seungcheol’s mouth is a weapon. You fall apart under the warmth of his lips, the softness of his tongue. He sucks at your core, greedy and pleased, fingers digging into you as he presses in further. He can never get enough, the wet sounds of his hunger making your toes curl.

“Feels so good,” you pant against the glass. Your nails scrape against his scalp and he moans loudly, muffled by your cunt. “Your fucking mouth.” 

“Mmm. Love you like this.” His tongue flicks expertly across your clit and you feel your thighs clench, legs shaking as your orgasm spools inside of you. “God this shower hurts my fucking knees though.”

“You wanted to eat me out in the shower.”

A hand cracks across your ass cheek, making you arch against the glass. He chuckles, tongue diving back, words slurred as he mutters, “And I’d do it again.”

Seungcheol’s mouth feels divine. You go quiet as he sucks at you, focused on the warmth spreading through you and the way your breath starts to stutter, limbs locking up. 

When you come, you go boneless. Seungcheol holds you up, pressing you against the glass as he licks you through your orgasm. You twitch against him, nails dragging in his hair, your other hand sliding against the glass as you fight to grip anything to ground you.

Breathing raggedly, you sag when he pulls his face from you and stands. He groans and you grin, knowing his knees hurt from the tile of the shower. He doesn’t care, though. He crowds you in, cock pressed against your backside as his arms loop around you. 

“Kiss me.” His voice is soft, needy. 

Turning your face over your shoulder, you let him catch his mouth with yours, all tongue and cum and spit. You don’t care, pushing into him. One of his hands slides down between your legs, making you whimper into his mouth as he slides his fingers through your sticky folds to press two of them into your entrance. 

Seungcheol is a giver. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve slept together or had brief, fast encounters, he always makes it a point to please you. To go out of his way to make you shake against him, like he needs it. 

He keeps your mouth melded to his as his fingers fuck you slowly. You clench around his fingers, moaning his name as he presses them against the soft spot inside of you. You see stars, panting into his mouth as he strings you along, dragging you toward another orgasm. 

It’s slow. Intimate. His mouth is hot and wet, sucking at biting at your bottom lip. His other hand snakes up to your throat, not applying pressure but gripping you, holding you to him. If he didn’t have you so tightly pressed to the glass, you think you’d collapse.

“You won’t fall,” he breathes into your mouth, reading your mind. “I’ve got you.”

“My knees are fucking useless right now.”

“You’re tough. Come on, I know you can give me more.” 

You’ll give him anything he asks. You feel your heart slamming in your chest as he works you up again, feel the ragged breathing until you momentarily stop, everything tense and suspended as you clench around his fingers, shuddering violently as you come. 

“Knew it,” he murmurs. “Good girl.”

A whine leaves you at the praise, head shaking back and forth a little as the oversensitivity makes you squirm. He works you through it, mouth pressed to your ear, whispering to breathe, baby as he strokes you gently until you’re leaning against him heavily. 

Seungcheol removes his hand but keeps holding you up, letting you catch your breath. He peppers innocent kisses along your shoulder, lips brushing your skin tenderly. When you stand up with more strength, he pats you on the hip, gentle.

“Good?”

“Mhmm.” Craning over your shoulder, you catch his chin with your mouth, kissing softly. You press your ass into him, feeling his straining cock. “Come on.” 

“Yeah?”

“All good.”

“Thank fuck. Thought I lost you.”

“I’ve had worse,” you grin, a little tired.

He kisses you, patting you approvingly before he grinds the tip of his cock between your legs. He groans deep in his chest, grip on you tightening for a moment. You reach behind you, gripping the base of his cock firmly, stroking gently before lining him up with your entrance. 

Seungcheol pushes in, both of you whining in harmony at the feeling. It feels good, your pussy throbbing around him as he presses in slowly, letting you feel the stretch. He clings to you, trying to keep it together as you flutter around him. 

“Yeah,” he whispers, more to himself than you. “Shit.” 

Gently, Seungcheol starts to fuck you against the glass, strokes deep and slow. It’s mind-numbingly good, your cheek cool and pressed against the shower wall, Seungcheol’s face buried in your neck, breath puffing against your skin. 

He holds you reverently, both hands on your hips to keep you where he wants you. You reach one hand behind your head, holding the back of his neck, nails digging into his skin. He hums happily, always pleased when you bite and scratch him.

That had been a surprise. You always thought he wouldn’t want you to mark him, that he wouldn’t want evidence of your time spent together. Seungcheol is the opposite though, urging you to rake your nails across soft skin, to bite at him and bruise him. 

Your feet slide apart a little as he strengthens his thrusts. You squeal, hand smacking the glass to hold yourself up. He lets out a loud laugh, pausing to let you fix your stance. He taps your thigh in question and you nod, lifting your leg a little to let him slide a hand under your thigh to press it against the shower wall for better grip.

When he rolls his hips into you this time, it’s deeper, making you tremble against the glass. A groan drips from Seungcheol’s mouth as he sets his pace, pinning you between him and the glass with nothing to do but to take what he gives you. 

“Can you do another?” he asks, breath shaky. His fingers squeeze your thigh for emphasis, the snap of his hips getting stronger. You nod, unable to answer verbally. He huffs, half laughter, half something else. “Yeah you can.” 

And you can. Seungcheol can pull pleasure out of you like thread from a loom, his skilled hands guiding you where he wants you to go. It’s easy for him, the way he knows your body so acute and familiar that the thought alone makes you unravel a little, your whines muted by the glass. 

He makes you come like that, stuck between his warmth and the cold, the two contrasts keeping you suspended as you seize up around him. He grunts at the feeling, hips sloppy, losing their rhythm until he clenches up, growling your name into your neck as he tips over the edge after you. 

For a few moments, you remain melded together, panting in time. Seungcheol makes no rush of peeling himself away from you. Instead, he’s content to mouth at your shoulder and neck, running his nose along your throat. You squirm and laugh, ticklish. 

Grinning, he does it again, nuzzling into you and making you laugh, sound echoing in the shower. “Seungcheol!”

“It’s cute.” 

“Come on,” you urge. “You said you’d wash my hair.” 

He steals a kiss. “Alright, alright. Pass me the shampoo.” 

-

DAY FIFTY SEVEN

“Who is that?” Seungcheol asks, jerking his head toward the bar. You turn and follow his gaze to see Seokmin standing at the bar, ordering drinks. “Never seen him before.”

“Jealous?” You tease, leaning forward and batting your eyelashes at him. Seokmin is just a coworker, but it doesn’t mean you can’t poke Seungcheol a little. Except Seungcheol doesn’t laugh, leveling you with a stare, lips turning downward. “Wait, you actually are.”

“Don’t push it. It was just a question.”

“We work together,” you clarify, immediately turning off the charm when you recognize he’s not amused. “Actually I think he sort of has a thing for Vin, which is why he’s here.” 

Seungcheol hums, sipping his beer and looking away from you. Licking your lips, you reach out a hand and touch his gently, bringing his dark eyes back to you. He looks serious - more serious than you’ve ever seen him, face blank, eyes unreadable. 

“I mean it.” You squeeze his hand, trying to comfort him. “We’re just friends.” 

“Alright.” 

“I feel like you’re mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad?” 

You shrug, struggling to articulate. He still has that expression you can’t read, something stark and closed off. “Just seems like it.” 

He shakes his head again, but you don’t think he’s telling the truth, watching the way his eyes shift to watch Seokmin approach. “Just tired, I think I might head out.” 

Panic grips you and you say the first thing you can think of, throwing caution to the wind. “Want to come over?” 

That gives him pause. He studies you. You feel a tightness in your throat under his scrutiny. His mouth twitches and he nods. “Alright,” he says softly. “If you want me to.”

“I do.” You squeeze his hand again. “Really.”

-

DAY SEVENTY EIGHT

“Want to do me a huge favor?” 

You look up from your spot on your couch. Seungcheol is in your kitchen, using his hip to close the door to the fridge. He lifts the lid on the package of grapes, plastic cracking loudly as he does. Leaning against the counter, he pops one into his mouth, crunching happily. 

“Besides giving you my grapes?” you ask, deadpan. He grins around them shrugging happily as he eats another. You roll your eyes, turning back to the laptop carefully balanced on your knee. “What’s the favor?” 

“We have this giant New Years Eve party at work in two weeks and I need a date.”

That gives you pause. You stare at the computer screen but you can’t make out anything on the screen. You don’t dare to turn and look at Seungcheol, fearful that the feelings his question brings out will be right on the surface of your expression.

Date. It’s a scary word. You and Seungcheol sort of go on dates all the time, but they’re not really dates. At least, not from your perspective. If you were to ask Jeonghan, he would launch into another lecture that you should just put a goddamn title on this thing. Vin happily agrees, both of them hammering you on calling the thing between you and Seuncheol what it is.

But it’s friends with benefits. Friends go out to eat meals together and go shopping together - they hangout. The benefits are the sex. It’s the pressing you against your mattress as he maps your body with his mouth, it’s the way you sink to your knees for him after he’s had a bad day at work, taking him into the heat of your mouth to make him forget. 

So yes, you’ve gone places together alone and as a friend date. But somehow this feels different, and you don’t think it’s supposed to. 

Carefully, you ask, “Your date, huh?”

“Mhmm. Free drinks and apps, and it’s at the top of that fancy new hotel. We can stay the night so we don’t have to pay for an expensive as fuck Uber” 

Not for the first time, you find yourself unsure where the line is with Seungcheol. You’ve agreed multiple times that this is just casual, a shared benefit between friends. And yet every time you feel confident in what you are, the line blurs. 

You’re as guilty as he is, you know. On more than one occasion you’re the one who has crossed the line, messing up the clear boundary the two of you have had in place for weeks. Somehow, you both manage to be utterly terrible at casual, but you’re too afraid to say something about it. Too afraid to ruin it. 

“I suppose I can be convinced.” 

“Oh? What can I do to convince you?” 

You look up as his tone turns to velvet, that voice he uses when he’s coaxing you into his lap, or when he’s- 

“It’s really hard to be sexy when there’s grape juice running down your chin, Cheol.” 

He pouts, grabbing a paper towel to wipe the lower half of his face as you laugh. He’s cute, pink lips downturned and eyes round as he sulks. “Don’t make fun of me. Just say yes to being my date.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll go.” 

His grin is burnished gold, the sun breaking for first light over the horizon. “Thank you.” 

“Mhmm.” He crunches into another grape and you scowl. “Stop eating all my fucking grapes!” 

-

DAY NINETY TWO

“Holy shit,” Seungcheol mutters when you step out of the hotel bedroom. He feels his heart start to pound in his chest from where he stands in the kitchenette, fingers squeezing the glass of whiskey he poured himself earlier. “You look unreal.”

And you do. You always do. It was one of the first things he noticed about you when Jeonghan and Joshua introduced the two of you that first night at that shitty bar you like to go to on Fridays. The real kicker had been your personality, though. Warm, kind, quick wit. A bit of a history nerd, which is his favorite thing. 

Honestly, he loves a lot of things about you. He knows that he has to do something about that. Knows that this stopped being casual a long time ago. Seungcheol has no problem with casual hookups and keeping people in a rotation, but when it comes to you… he just wants you. 

It’s like he has no idea how to keep his distance, how to keep his feelings out of it. He doesn’t mind, but he needs to figure out how to tell you. How to take that next step and move you from friends to more - if that’s what you want, anyway. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you say back neutrally. He can see the way your eyes linger on him though, your gaze betraying the calmness of your voice, as always.

You don’t get it, though. Seungcheol cannot keep his eyes off you, dragging them from top to bottom. The black dress is snug on your frame, his eyes tracing the swells of your breasts, the dip of your hips, the curve of your ass and thighs. 

Dragging his eyes back up, he meets your gaze. That is one of his favorite things. Your eyes, full of light and depth and thoughts that he always wants to fall into. There is so much simmering under the surface that you don’t say and he’s never asked.

He wants to. 

Knocking back the rest of his drink, Seungcheol leaves the glass on the counter and walks over to you. You shift from foot to foot, eyes darting up to examine the ceiling. He smirks, feeling the nerves radiating from you as he approaches. 

When he reaches out, you don’t step away from him. You let him skim his hands up your sides, going until he’s running them over your shoulders and on either side of your neck so he can cradle your face. He turns your gaze back to him and you stare up at him through your lashes. 

He was a goner on day one. How ridiculous to think he’s not just made this real, told you how he doesn’t want a single thing to be casual and superficial between you. 

Instead of stealing a searing kiss and pushing you back into the bedroom like he wants to, Seungcheol presses a short kiss to the corner of your mouth. He’s too afraid that if he starts something that you won’t make it downstairs. 

Now isn’t the time for that, though. There’s a party upstairs and free drinks and he wants to spend time with his friends. Spend time with you.

The Seungcheol that existed before you is a stranger to him. He barely remembers what it was like to have people he wasn’t genuinely interested in, what it was like to show up alone at parties and take someone home. Hardly recalls pushing people away when they wanted too much. 

All it took was meeting you.

“Come on,” he urges gently, leading you from the room and to the elevator. 

Seungcheol slides his phone from his pocket in the elevator. You press close against him, your arm brushing against his as it fills up with people. He notes where Wonwoo tells him to meet and puts his phone back in his pocket, leaning into you a little.

You let him, making his mouth twitch upward. You always let him do what he wants, and when you don’t, an easy pout gets his way. He’s wrapped around your finger, too. He doesn’t know if you realize it, but he would give you anything you wanted without a moment's hesitation. 

When the elevator doors open, Seungcheol takes your hand. You let him pull you into the party teeming with people, the sound of music swelling over the dull roar of the crowd. You stick closer to him, fingers squeezing him tightly as the pair of you walk toward the check-in table. 

“This is beautiful,” you murmur to him. 

His first instinct is to look at you because you are beautiful. You’re not looking at him, your neck craned to sweep over the party. He smiles at you, watching the glow of your side profile, eyes wide with wonder.

Dragging his eyes from your face, he glances around the party. It is gorgeous, with views of the entire city glittering beneath the building like a bed of stars, shimmering decorations reflecting the golden lights, a giant clock to show the time, and massive flower arrangements. 

“It’s nice,” he agrees, shuffling to the table where he gives his name. “Choi Seungcheol.”

“Perfect, thanks.” The person working the table peels two wristbands and gestures for you both to hold out your wrists. You let go of his hand to do so, letting the attendant wrap your arm in a blue band. “Have a great night, Mr. and Mrs. Choi.” 

Both of you blink in surprise. You open and close your mouth as if you’re unsure how to correct them and Seungcheol laughs, shrugging as he takes your hand and leads you out of the line and into the party proper this time.

“This way, wifey.” 

You roll your eyes but grin anyway, looping your arm through his offered one and tugging him close. He’s satisfied, leading you through the tight crowd of people toward the south bar that Wonwoo had said their friends were waiting at.

Joshua spots you and waves you both over, making room at the bar for you to join. Jeonghan’s eyes flick to where your arm is looped through Seungcheol to Seungcheol himself, raising a brow. Seungcheol glares at him, urging him to shut up and Jeonghan grins, turning to order drinks at the bar. 

Wonwoo claps Seungcheol on the back in greeting before kissing you on both cheeks and letting you sit on the only barstool available. Seungcheol moves with you pressed to your back as he leans an elbow on the bar, keeping you close. You lean into him, earning a shy smile that he tries to hide behind the rim of the champagne glass that Jeonghan hands him.

He likes this. He likes being with his friends. He likes the way you laugh and lean back further into him when you do. He likes that his friends don’t bother the two of you about being attached at the hip. And he likes the way your face lights up every time he jokingly calls you wifey. 

Seungcheol wants this. 

He doesn’t recall the last time he wanted a relationship the way he wants with you. It doesn’t matter anyway. Everything before you is gone and forgotten, and what matters now are the things that are post-meeting-you. 

Plied with lots of champagne and your laughter, Seungcheol lets you drag him onto the dance floor, wrapping your arms around him as he spins you. He doesn’t know what has him more drunk, the alcohol or you. He thinks it might be you. 

The DJ announces that it’s one minute until midnight, making Seungcheol spin and look up at the clock. The partygoers cheer, clustering together to press toward the clock to count down. Seungcheol wraps an arm around your waist, keeping you close in the tight crowd. 

His heart flutters as he watches the numbers countdown, realizing he gets to kiss you at midnight. He’s kissed you over a hundred times by now, but the prospect makes him giddy. His heart races as the numbers drop and he looks at you from the corner of your eye.

You’re watching the clock, uncontrolled happiness on your face as you yell with the rest of the crowd, counting each number as it passes by. 

When the clock strikes midnight, you peer up at him, suddenly unsure. He can’t believe you don’t see it, that you’d doubt for one second that he wants you to be his first kiss of the year. His heart seizes, dipping down with a smile to press his lips to yours.

Your mouth is warm and champagne-sweet, making him groan in the back of his throat. Your fingers cling to his hip, holding him by the waist as he slips a hand up to the back of your neck to hold you in place, deepening the kiss. 

When you pull your mouth away, he makes up his mind. Fuck everything he said about keeping it casual - he doesn’t want to go another minute without you knowing what he wants. 

-

DAY NINETY THREE

“Be my girlfriend.”

The words that come from Seungcheol’s lips catch you off guard. A giggle bursts to your lips and you lean back, trying to examine him from a little farther away. You feel the glitter of champagne in your veins and the same buzz that comes with being near Seungcheol, wondering if maybe he’s had too much to drink.

“What?” you ask, examining his face. He’s flushed, lips pink and smiling, but his eyes are dark and serious.

“Be my girlfriend,” he says again, this time quieter. He leans forward, pressing his forehead to yours. His breath fans your face, warm and sweetened by champagne. “I know we agreed to be casual so if you don’t want more, that’s fine. But there is nothing casual about the way I feel about you.”

Heart thundering, you laugh and cling to him a little tighter. He nudges you with his head, as though asking what’s so funny. You don’t know how to put into words that you’ve wanted to be not casual for a long time, that you are dizzy with the prospect of being something more, that he’s just made the first minute of your year perfect.

Instead of trying to string together the words to tell him, you kiss him. His mouth turns upward, letting you press your palms to the sides of his face, holding him to your lips. There’s no one else but just the two of you, entirely in your own bubble on the rooftop. 

Relief mixed with euphoria floods your system. It’s a weight lifted off your shoulders, realizing that you’re not crazy, that nothing you feel about Seungcheol is casual and that’s okay. That he feels it too. 

Your fingers slide into the hair at the back of his neck, pulling slightly. He groans, separating your mouths to peer down at you, his lashes fanning when he blinks, dazed. 

“Don’t do that,” he whispers. “This is a work party. I’ll fold right here.” 

“So take me somewhere that isn’t here and fold.”

His gummy smile is blinding, your heart soaring. “Alright, wifey.” 

“Gonna need a ring pop at a minimum if you’re gonna keep saying that shit.”

He links your fingers together, stepping away from you. He tugs you after him and you follow. “Deal. What flavor?”

“Strawberry. I kind of want to suck something else right now, though.” 

Seungcheol groans and you laugh, loving the way he visibly struggles as your words land. He walks faster, a new pep in his step as you make your way toward the elevator. He shouts Wonwoo’s name as he goes, waving his hand to tell him that you’re leaving. 

Wonwoo’s grin is all-knowing as he throws two thumbs up, cheering happily. You tingle with a little bit of embarrassment, scurrying toward the closing elevator door to catch it. It opens again and you both slip inside, alone and buzzing from the party and your newfound status. 

The door closes and Seungcheol pushes in close. You press against the wall, looking up at his sharp grin, his nose nudging yours. His lips are almost on yours, the heat of them against your mouth making you dizzy and the heavy weight of his body against yours making your thoughts sticky. 

“Gonna suck something else, huh?” 

“Uh huh.” 

“Wanna do it right here in the elevator?” 

“Huh?” 

He bursts into laughter at your wide gaze, tapping the underside of your chin with his knuckle in jest. “I’m kidding. Unless…”

You shove him away and he starts laughing again, bending over with the force of it. You can’t be annoyed by his teasing, loving the way his eyes crease at the corner and how he laughs with the full force of his body. 

“You’re so annoying.” 

“You should have seen your face, though.” 

“I mean I’ll do it right now, if you want.”

His smile drops and he opens his mouth a little, shocked. “Wait, really?”

“No, but you should have seen your face.”

The elevator arriving at the appropriate floor saves him from answering. He scowls at you and you giggle, grabbing him and pushing him into the hall and toward your room. He turns on his heel, falling into step with you and fishing the room key out of his pocket. 

It’s cold in the room when you enter. Seungcheol had booked a one bedroom suite with a small living room and kitchenette. It was more than what you needed for the night, but it feels nice, like your own private getaway. 

Taking you by the hand, he walks backward toward the bedroom, pulling you along. His smile is beautiful and you wear a matching one. A thrill shoots through you when you realize that Seungcheol is yours. Really yours. 

Sitting on the bed, he pulls you into his lap. Your knees sink in the mattress on either side of his hips, ass resting on his thighs. Leaning over him, you link your hands behind the back of his neck, threading your fingers through the silky hair there. 

Seungcheol tilts his face up toward you, eyes fluttering as you play with his hair. His arms loop around your waist, squeezing you. 

“Hi,” he breathes. 

“Hi.”

Leaning down, you slot your mouth against his. He tastes like champagne, mouth warm. Kissing him takes your breath away, thoughts guttering out as he licks into your mouth hungrily. You lose yourself in the feeling of him, feeling like you’re on fire. 

Seungcheol falls backward on the bed. His lips are swollen and pink, eyes heavy-lidded as he stares up at you. He reaches for you but you give him a coy smile and slip from his lap, crouching to the floor and running your hands along his thighs, feeling them flex beneath your touch. 

You love Seungcheol’s thighs. Your nails drag across the fabric and he lets out a breathy sound. His muscles twitch as you reach to brush your fingers over his zipper, making sure to press into his cock. His hips jerk upward at the barest hint of stimulation and you grin.

“It’s no elevator,” you tease. “But will this do?” 

“Fucking anywhere will do.” 

Seungcheol has always been sensitive. He’s easy to rile, cock already firm by the time you’re undoing his belt and he’s helping you pull his dress pants down his thighs. You eye the dark patch in his briefs, proud that with just a little bit of kissing and some light touching he’s already leaking at the tip.

Sitting high on your knees, you lean forward, tongue pressing wetly to the tip of his cock through the fabric. A hand shoots to the back of your head, his fingers gripping you firmly as you laugh, tongue still pressed to him and soaking through his briefs.

“Don’t you dare tease me tonight,” he warns, voice shaky. “That is not wifey behavior.” 

You remove your tongue, pouting and moving to press a kiss to his thigh. “You never let me tease you.” 

“I’m not patient.” Your teeth scrape the softness of his flesh and his legs twitch, knees knocking your shoulder. “Baby, I am so serious.”

Biting your bottom lip to hide a smile, you give in. You know with certainty he’d let you drag this out if you really wanted to. Seungcheol is impatient and greedy and demanding, but he also lets you do what you want when it comes down to it. 

Instead of testing his grace, you peel his briefs down, freeing his cock. Your mouth waters at his thick length, your hand automatically reaching up to grab him. You swipe your thumb through the precum gathered, using it to slide down the full length of his shaft.

Seungcheol’s hips buck. You grip him properly, working him slowly as you shuffle closer on your knees. They already hurt, hotel carpet digging into them but you ignore it in favor of watching the way his fingers slowly undo the button of his shirt, needing to shuck the fabric off. 

“You’re pretty,” you note absently. His stomach flexes when he sits up to slide his shirt off of his shoulders. He looks down at you, pupils dilated. “Very, very pretty.” 

“You’re a work of art yourself.”

Instead of laying back down flat, he leans back on his palms, letting his head fall back. Seungcheol shuts his eyes, face tilted up at the ceiling as though in prayer. “Feels good.”

Humming happily, you lean forward and slowly run the flat of your tongue up the base of his shaft. That draws a low moan out of him, his chest rising and falling as he pants. You’re fascinated by his reactions, watching his face and body language carefully as you swirl your tongue around the crown of his cock.

He’s responsive, fingers digging into the sheets in an effort not to grab your head and take control. He’s testing his patience, letting you bring him into the wet heat of your mouth at your pace, sucking lazily. 

“Fuck,” he groans. You hum around him and he shakes his head, shivering. “You’re gonna kill me.”

Good you think, setting a proper place as you swallow him down, letting your spit pool to help make the glide easier. It’s messy and wet, just the way Seungcheol likes it, his moans backtracking the slick sounds coming from your mouth.

What you can’t fit in your mouth properly, you cover with your hand, squeezing periodically as you stroke upward, meeting your stretched lips. 

“God,” Seungcheol whispers. “You know how to suck cock.”

Pulling off of him with a wet pop, you grin, feeling the sting in your mouth from the stretch. Your lips are cum and spit-slicked, sticky as you continue to stroke him. 

“Thanks,” you laugh. “I heard I’m wifey material.”

“Fucking, shit, yeah a little bit. Fuckkkk, mouth please.” 

You comply, sucking him back into your mouth. He’s putty underneath you, hips twitching off the bed a little as soft sounds drip from his mouth. You watch, totally hypnotized by the way he moved, the way his hairline gets a little sweaty as he nods, encouraging you. 

Biting his lip, he lifts a hand from the bed to grab at you, pulling you off of him. “Come here,” he growls, opening his. 

Seungcheol pulls you to him, not caring that your mouth is a mess. His tongue delves in, exploring the mixed taste of champagne and precum, hands pulling at your dress to peel it off of you. 

“Let me sit against the headboard,” he pants, breaking the kiss to scoot backward. You peel your underwear off and toss them, following him across the mattress as he settles. He pats his lap and reaches for you. “Come here, baby.” 

You settle into his lap again, mouth melding to his. His hands explore you, gripping your ass, squeezing your waist, running up your front to pinch at your nipples. You moan into his mouth, carding your fingers in his hair and pulling at the stimulation, your head tilting back a little.

He takes the opportunity to attach his lips to your throat, biting sharply and soothing the sting with his tongue. Sinking a little lower, you feel your pussy brush against his cock and you sigh, gently rolling your hips to slide your sticky folds up his shaft. 

Seungcheol groans against you, mouth feverish against your skin. He maps your throat, kissing and biting his way to your chest, where he steals a pert nipple into his mouth to give a harsh suck. You squeal and he grins, plucking at your sensitive bud with his teeth. 

Holding onto him, you let him lavish attention to your tits the way he wants, hands squeezing, tongue flicking. It feels good. Aflame, you continue to roll your hips shallowly in his waist, just giving the barest of stimulation to you both.

A hand slides between your legs, his fingers finding your swelling clit, pressing against it. You whine loudly, fighting off a violent shiver. He grins where he has your breast in his mouth, sucking generously as he lazily circles your clit with his fingers. 

“Cheol,” you whisper-whine. “You said no teasing.”

“I said no teasing me.” His fingers slide backward and dip into your entrance teasingly. You clench around nothing, aching for him to do something. “Flustered, huh?” 

“Please give me something.”

He presses his lips against the side of your jaw, grinning. “Fine.” He sinks a single finger into you and you sigh in immediate relief. It isn’t enough but it’s something, your hips rocking to take him in deeper. “Better?”

“I can take more.” 

“Of course you can.” He pushes in another finger, the stretch so good. “You’re my girl. You can take what I give you.”

Dropping your head to his shoulder, you nod. You hide your face in his flushed skin, riding his fingers as he slowly slides them home, working you gently. They press against your sensitive spot and you curse, gripping him a little tighter. 

Impatient and needing more, you grind yourself forward, fucking his hand properly. He laughs, letting you take what you need, cupping you fully so the heel of his palm grinds into your clit. Your movements are frenzied, driven by the desire for him, the feeling curling inside you. 

“Just like that,” he encourages. “Fuck yourself on my fingers just like that.” 

You do, thighs aching and body shaking. The sheets stick to your legs as you work yourself up, sweaty palms sliding against Seungcheol’s shoulders. He whispers in your ear, voice low and scratchy, adding to the building mania inside of you. 

“Shit,” you hiss, feeling the tightness in your stomach start to boil over. 

“Come on, come around my fingers. You got it.” 

His gentle voice pushes you over all the way and you clench around his fingers, coming undone. Your hips stop moving and your legs squeeze around his as you seize up. Seungcheol is having none of it, taking the lead to drive his fingers up into you as you flutter around him.

“Oh,” you gasp as he finer fucks you through the rest of your orgasm, sucking at a tender spot on your neck until you’re trembling and a mess. “Okay, okay, okay.” 

Seungcheol takes it easy on you, pulling his fingers from between your legs with a slick noise. You heave against him, catching your breath while he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks obnoxiously. 

“Mmm.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” He smacks your ass and you squeak. “Ride my cock like that?” 

Huffing, you extend to your full height on your knees. He grabs the base of his shaft, eyes fixed on the mess between your legs as you sink down slowly. His tip breaches you, both of you letting out a sound as you keep going, holding your breath as he stretches you open.

Seungcheol taps your waist. “Breathe.” 

You do, inhaling a breath as you nestle in his lap, seated fully, clenching around him. “Thanks.”

“Mhmm.” 

Seungcheol’s hands move up your sides, his eyes drinking in every inch of you. This time, you know the look in his eye is real. His gaze is covetous, looking at you like you’re his because you are. 

You catch his hands with yours, linking your finger and squeezing. He smiles, looking up at you with dark locks of hair in his face. You smile back, starting to roll your hips, using his hands to steady yourself.

Everything feels like an exposed nerve. The cool air of the hotel room brushes across your back, making you shiver. The mattress dips under your movement, your thighs flexing to keep your balance steady, Seungcheol’s grip on you helping. 

“You’re so perfect,” Seungcheol mutters, using your linked hands to pull you toward him. Your hands slip from him, going to the headboard to help lift you instead. His grip finds your waist, aiding in your movement while his mouth finds your breasts. “God these tits.” 

An ache settles in your thighs but you ignore it, chasing an orgasm. You tremble in his hold, breath punching out of you as he mumbles your name, watching you with fucked out eyes and lips parted, like you’re giving him everything he ever wanted.

You kind of feel that way. The way he looks at you isn’t that different from before, but now you’re confident in it, realizing that everything with Seungcheol felt too intimate because it was. Casual was never the right name for it, neither of you having any idea how to really be no strings attached. 

“My fucking legs hurt,” you admit, panting. “Can you take over?” 

“Mhmm.” Seungcheol surges forward, knocking you backward onto the bed. You laugh, bouncing a little as he pulls out and helps maneuver you. “Turn around for me.” 

With shaking arms, you follow his instruction. The sheets cling to you as you roll, making you huff and swat at them. He chuckles, peeling them away from your sweaty skin while you settle on your stomach, arching your ass a little. 

He palms your left cheek, groaning and dragging his blunt nails down the curve to your hip where he grabs you. “Unreal,” he whispers, to either you or himself. 

You gasp when he thrusts pack in, punching the air from your lungs as he sets a sharp pace. You jostle on the bed, grabbing the sheets and knotting your hands in them to keep you in place, a stream of whimpers leaving you. 

A hand slips up your spine, pressing flat between your shoulder blades, pushing you down further into the bed. You gasp and nod, Seungcheol taking it as a sign to put more weight into it, angling his hips so he’s fucking down into you. 

It’s hard to breathe, the dizziness taking over as your skin starts to turn to static, orgasm so close that you can feel the buzz between your legs. He keeps going like that, pinning you hard to the bed as his hips crash into yours. 

His name leaves your mouth in a cry as you squeeze around him, letting loose. He curses, picking up his pace, ignoring the wet squelch as he does, palm pressing you harder into the bed as you come. 

You think you might disintegrate, unable to do anything but make broken sounds as he chases his orgasm. Just when you think you might not get another breath, he comes, the pressure on your back lifting a little. You gasp for air, feeling the room tilt as his thrusts slow, becoming gentle. 

Seungcheol’s hands are soothing on your back, fingers dancing up and down your spine, delicate. He’s muttering something to you but you can’t hear him, the pounding of your heart far too loud, pulse rattling in your ears. 

When his hips are still, his hands keep moving. He leans over you, careful not to put his weight on you, mouth kissing across your shoulders. Your cheek is pressed flat against the sheet as you pant, coming down from a fever pitch. 

“You okay if I get up and get you water?” the question is whispered across your cheek, where Seungcheol presses a tender kiss. You nod and he kisses you again before peeling away from you. 

Laying in the bed, you drift, listening to him shuffle around to the kitchen. You’re sleepy but more aware now. When the bed dips again, you crack your eye open, watching as he navigates carefully on his knees, two glasses of water in hand. 

“Can you sit up or do you need help?” You shake your head and muster the strength you have left to sit up. Your muscles spasm as you do, a groan leaving your mouth as the room spins from the change in perspective. “You okay?”

“Thirsty,” you rasp, reaching for the glass he offers. Gulping down the cool water, you’re aware of his eyes on you, watching you drain the glass as he sips his. “Thank you.”

He takes the empty glass and kisses your lips. “Mhmm. Need more?”

“No, I’m good. I just need to sleep for five hundred years, no big deal.” 

“Damn, five hundred goes crazy. Do you think we’ll have flying cars by then?” 

Seungcheol puts both glasses on the nightstand and peels back the covers of the bed. He slips under them, patting the spot next to him. You crawl over, limbs heavy and uncoordinated. He laughs at you and you scowl, but manage to clamber in next to him, warm beneath the blankets and tucked into his chest.

“Yes, definitely. And like giant sexy holograms advertising porn, probably.”

“That’s the first thing you think of in the future? Porn?”

“Listen,” you huff, laying your head against his chest and closing your eyes. “I’m still a little champagne buzzed and you just fucked me until I couldn’t breathe for a while. Cut me slack.” 

“Sure thing, wifey.” 

“Ugh. Is that our thing now?” 

“Mhmm. Everything pre-relationship has henceforth been replaced with the relationship-only era. Pretend you have amnesia.” 

A huff of laughter leaves you. “Sure thing.” 

“I mean I feel like I have amnesia.” You give him a questioning look. He’s contemplative, staring with unseeing eyes as he plays with your fingers. “I had an entire life and habits before you, and I swear it’s like sometimes my memory actually starts with that first night at the bar.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re just around a lot and I like to think it’s always been that way. And I’m kind of sorry for taking so long to admit nothing about this was casual for me.” 

You smile. “Wasn’t for me either.” 

“Good.” He snuggles into you, settling in silence for a few moments. “Thanks for letting me win pool that first night.” 

“I did not let you win that game, oh my god.” 

“Just admit it! You wanted to taste my goodies and you let me win.” 

“I’m gonna give you some damn amnesia,” you mutter, but grin as he hugs you tight.

“Sure thing, wifey. Sure thing.” 

-

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[jupiters-galaxy]

I've seen some people criticize how quickly Peter and Steph fell for each other (to the point of being the thing they treasure most), and while I do understand some of the criticism, I think there are a few key things that some people aren't picking up on.

-Treasuring each other IS NOT strictly romantic. While it's true that Peter is in love with Steph, and Steph with Peter, it goes deeper than their repressed love story. They ARE friends. They do genuinely like spending time together, although their connection is relatively new. They care about each other as people first; neither of them seem like they NEED to be in a relationship with the other. They seek each other out even when they're just friends.

-It's also important to remember that the lords in black only want treasured things in the metaphorical sense: they can't give up OBJECTS. It presumably has to be a person or a concept.

-It's important to remember that both of them have been through an unbelieveable ordeal. Peter's closest friends were murdered. Stephanie lost her DAD, and although they weren't close, that can't have been easy to stomach. I cannot stress this enough; Peter and Steph quite literally have no one else left. Peter has no other friends. It logically tracks for him to be attached to Stephanie, as she is someone who experienced the same traumas as him. From Stephanie's angle, she doesn't really like her friends, and since objects are out of the question, Peter is the only person who she feels truly knows her. He's really the only option for her, even if her feelings are confusing.

-I also want to point out that you can really kind of feel them falling for each other, although it is admittedly subtext. Peter is weak to Steph as early as the opening number. He does out of character things to make her happy; a compliment from her makes his day amazing; he faces his biggest fear in hopes of seeing her at Pasqualli's. Stephanie cares for him from the first day they meet, although her care is a lot more ambiguous. She teases him about how he's into her, but at the same time, she's protective of him, feeling horrible that he got beat up and wanting to stop it. Even beyond that, she's inclusive towards him, inviting him to hang out with her simply because she likes his company. Her attraction to him makes sense: we know that Steph has a thing for funny and smart guys, and Peter's geeky snarkiness ABSOLUTELY fits. Their relationship is one that just makes a lot of sense!

-Their relationship is actually portrayed really realistically near the end. They're not intense about their love, nor are they overtly sexual. In NPMD, they don't even kiss! The furthest they go is dancing close together and having conversations, cautiously stepping into a new relationship that they mutually want. Despite the heavy nature of their confessions in As Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise), the payoff is not drastic. The confessions were likely only so heavy because they both thought Peter was about to die. Of course he would go out detailing how he loves her, and of course she would say it back; their last memories together should be good ones. When faced with normalcy, they progress as most teens would.

-At the end of the day, they're two traumatized teenagers who already liked each other before the trauma. It makes sense that they feel like the other is the most important to them; after all, Grace is the only other survivor from their group, and they're thinking about her in a less than favorable way past Richie's death, if not sooner than that.

This is not to say they're perfect, but I think their portrayal was really sweet and a joy to watch. I think the implications are extremely interesting idk!! I love Peter and Steph, I think they're more nuanced than they're getting credit for. I love to see cringefail nerds getting badass and amazing girlfriends, let me have this!!!!!

Anyways yeah that's my hot take. One of many. NPMD is consuming me someone help

[oldtvandcomics]

Not to contribute to a Discourse, but I keep seeing the "should we ship Alastor or not" thing, and. Like most other things, it lacks nuance.

It is true, many people don't understand how to write him in a relationship without it feeling very weird and very out of character. But this is also true about most popular ships? The voices of the characters are not right, and they keep acting in a way that is too sweet, too romantic, and the actual dynamic that made that ship interesting in the first place is missing. "He would not fucking say that" is such a popular phrase for a reason.

In Alastor's case, his asexuality is one of the major things that fanfic authors get wrong. Another is his moral grayness, his difficulties expressing (or even noticing) his emotions, and, at least in the Alastor/Lucifer ship (which is what I have been reading) the antagonism of the canon relationship and how they would navigate it with their absurd fight for dominance. And yes, these are definitely problems.

But, as someone who has been bingeing these fics faster than the tag is moving, these are only some of the fics.

And every popular ship has got a lot of bad writing in it.

The good fics, despite being shippy and more often than not, smutty, all acknowledge Alastor's asexuality in some way. It depends on that author, how, but I have seen him confused about this new situation, participating in sex for his own reasons like manipulation and enjoying having control, I have seen what in other fics would be sexual desire replaced with hunger for blood, hunger for power, or desire for closeness, I have seen asexual and aspec authors use him to talk about their own experiences with being sexualized against their will, or to explore what they would and would not be comfortable with doing. I have seen Alastor look for and find ways around his discomforts, using magic and staying clothed and making sure that he is in control.

So I don't know. Are people being weird about him? Heck yes. But I feel like fics, even shippy and smutty ones about Alastor are also doing some actual good, representation-wise. I can only speak for myself, but I can say for certain that watching a powerful, asexual character navigate his way around sexuality has filled a need in me that I didn't even realize that I had.

I'm really not wanting to start any fights here, just, you know. Different angle to look at this from.

[bumblingest-bee]

just saw assassins at my local community theatre!!! and i thought my fellow assassins fans would like to hear about it bc it was genuinely wonderful.

before the show started there was a medley of classic american showtunes about optimism and dreams playing somewhat creepily as everyone came in

the set used strips of draped fabric that looked like they came from a huge american flag to create a simple but effective circus-tent vibe. there were sideshow style posters up for things like "DEAD PRESIDENT FROM THE GRAVE" and "THE ELECTRIC CHAIR LADY!"

the proprietor was impeccably cast. handsome as hell with a big all-american tv show host smile and nothing behind the eyes.

the presidents were represented by the ensemble holding up photos of said presidents, which led to a hilarious moment after unworthy of your love where hinckley is converged upon by a multitude of ronald reagans chanting "there you go again! there you go again!" which incidentally is a scene from my nightmares

some of the standouts in the cast were czolgosz, who delivered the single best version of the bottle monologue i've ever heard, and byck, who was frighteningly believable and intense. guiteau was also very funny with impeccable comic timing and delivery

the balladeer can only be described as an elderly butch lesbian dressed as a cowboy. she was delightful and had a gorgeous powerful voice, however they only changed the keys of some of the songs for her! half the time she was singing so low it was hardly audible. nonetheless she was great and i want to shake the hand of whoever cast her. and she played her own guitar!!

fromme and moore were hilarious together. i loved them both but i thought the angle that the actress playing squeaky went for resulted in losing some of the vulnerability that makes her character compelling. otherwise they were just a brilliant duo and got the comedic nuances that a lot of other actors miss

the only gripe i really had was with booth, who (although he had the PERFECT voice, genuinely really really impressive) i thought at first was playing it too foppish and goofy to really pull off the gravitas that sells the show in the final sequence. and yet he came through in the end! i was so relieved when he pulled off the book depository scene.

which leads me to their oswald. he brought something i think a lot of actors don't, which is the fact that oswald's a little bit unhinged already. like this guy walked onstage, scrawny and shifty-eyed and nervous, with his ribs literally showing through his t-shirt, and i immediately was able to believe that this is someone so miserable and down on his luck that he's willing to kill for a scrap of attention or admiration. he was so intense and unnervingly hyperactive that it got uncomfortable to watch (which is a good thing in assassins).

i don't know if it was the small space of the theatre or just the fact that i was experiencing it live for the first time, but everything from another national anthem to the end was so emotionally raw and intense that it was overwhelming. i thought that since i know the show so well it would lose the ability to chill me. it didn't. i felt every single moment of that show and it was wonderful.

[elswing]

i'm super glad that they're finally establishing the king's men lusting for immortality as one of their main political principles. we got a little 🤏 hint of it last season even though the main civil strife seemed to be rooted in the mass "THE ELVES ARE TAKING OUR JOBS" hysteria, which was definitely questionable at the time, but in hindsight i think it was a reasonable place for the writers to start.

we were introduced to a lot of númenorians last season who will end up on different sides of the eventual civil war. i think it does make the most sense to let all these individual characters HAVE their individual motivations while the story is still developing, because while we know that eventually the conflict will bleed and blend into *two* distinct sides, that line hasn't been drawn yet. there needs to be more nuance before we reach that point of ultimate divide

and we can see that beginning to happen!

a lot of people are unhappy with míriel for "taking orders from an elf" which obviously comes from their dislike of galadriel, and then pharazôn nurturing those seeds into outright malice. that can very easily begin to weave into different reasons for them to resent the elves (jealousy over their immortality, then greed, then the eventual desire to take it for themselves).

that doesn't mean they can't also settle into that allegiance from a completely different angle. eärien, for example, hasn't yet shown any interest in the concept of immortality aside from a throwaway quip in S1E4 that could simply be read as narrative foreshadowing rather than a symptom of some current hidden obsession. she was introduced to it BY pharazôn when he was giving his little "we are only immortal in the statues carved for our tombs" speech over the dying king's body.

the only reason (confirmed this episode) that she's sided with the king's men is because of her grief for isildur's presumed death and her want for justice. in her eyes, pharazôn is the only person willing and capable of giving her that, which is why she was so easily susceptible to his manipulations. i don't think her throwing the palantir in míriel's face in the name of Elf Racism™ and causing the riot is a sign of inconsistent character motivations, but a way to really drive home just how skilled pharazôn is at preying on people's needs and steering them down *his* desired paths under the guise of achieving *their* goals.

it's actually not dissimilar to sauron's tactics. "find out what your opponent fears, and find a way of mastering it, so you can master them", so i'm VERY excited to see his next tar-mairon disguise. it's like dropping a barrel of gasoline smack in the middle of an active gunfight lol

[charms-cat]

Thoughts on TBOSAS

Disclaimers:

my memory isn’t the greatest + it’s been a couple weeks since I watched the movie + I only skimmed the book after watching

I don’t have the book on hand so I can’t fact-check this (my criticism is based on what I remember – feel free to correct me)

Buckle up bcs I’ve got an overthinking brain and a lot of opinions.

Coryo = Good, Other Students = Bad

They only had less than 3 hours for a movie that had enough content to be split into two (imagine if they’d cut it right when Coryo finds out he’s assigned to be a Peacekeeper). So I understand why they couldn’t flesh out every detail of Coryo’s relationships.

But lack of time doesn’t really explain why they couldn’t give the students some nuance. Obviously, we have the dehumanising comments/actions from Livia, Arachne, Felix, and Festus; a horrifying truth that hasn’t learned to disguise itself under ‘generous’ sponsors and ‘faith’ in a specific tribute winning. But why did they change the scenes of Clemensia and (more importantly) Lysistrata?

If you’ve read the books, you’ll know that Lysistrata is one of the kindest students. As far as we know, she didn’t suffer the same poverty as the Snows did and she doesn’t feel the same sense of kinship as Sejanus does with the kids from the districts. Still, she treats Jessup kindly. She brings him medicine when he tells her he’s in pain; she gets mad when Coryo’s angle for Lucy Gray’s image (that Lucy Gray’s more Capitol than District) meant that her angle for Jessup’s image (showcasing the District 12 tributes as a pair) would be jeopardised and thus his sponsors might be less; when she sees Jessup suffering from rabies, she offers to end his suffering by sending the water bottles; her final word about him, when it wouldn’t have given her any advantage to speak kindly about him and the Capitol had (until recently) been on high alert for ‘rogue tributes’, was to tell everyone that Jessup protected her when the arena exploded, even threw himself over her to protect her.

In the movie, she had one ‘prominent’ scene: Jessup’s attack. Maybe they were trying to showcase Coryo’s future ruthlessness by having him demand Lysistrata send the water bottles rather than use his own sponsors. But in the book, Coryo tries to send his own sponsor gifts before Lysistrata stops him and offers to send hers instead. In the original scene, Coryo’s care/affection for Lucy Gray is made obvious by how he’s willing to give up their hard-won sponsorships just to make sure that he can save Lucy Gray from Jessup; Lysistrata’s practicality also shows itself by how she willingly mercy-kills Jessup after seeing him going rabid on screen. He’s her tribute so she used the gifts that they won together.

It would’ve taken the same amount of time (or an extra minute) to keep her mercy kill and her final words on Jessup. Instead, we have Coryo’s demand + Lysistrata’s few seconds of hesitation to follow his words, despite them having an even better view of Jessup’s increasingly rabid behaviour.

Now, let’s talk Clemensia. She’s not particularly kind. Tbf in the book, she wasn’t around too long before she got bit by Gaul’s snakes. The next time she (properly) reappears, she’s cruel in how she withholds helping Reaper until he’s actually done something to ‘earn’ supplies. In the movie, she straight up disappears after getting bit (either that or the effects of the snake venom weren’t as horribly memorable as they were described to be in the book; if she really did disappear, then it also lessens the suspense of “what will happen to Lucy Gray?” later on since we don’t know the full extent of the venom’s effects). But the thing that cements my idea that “Oh, they’re trying to make Coryo look good compared to other students” is that they changed the circumstances that got her bit.

There are three key differences to her and Coryo’s meeting with Gaul:

1: when Gaul asks who came up with the ideas on the assignment, book!Clemensia claims that they both worked on it, but Coryo went by himself to drop it off; movie!Clemensia claims all the ideas for herself.

The decision to make Clemensia a selfish credit-stealer already deteriorates her likability to the audience, especially since Coryo (aka the person she’s stealing credit from) is our protagonist and, at this point in time, has ‘done’ nothing wrong. Hell, since the movie audience doesn’t know his less-than-flattering thoughts about Arachne, they only see that he was the one to rush to help her when she got stabbed. Clemensia, on the other hand, admonished him for seeming indifferent to Arachne’s death (when he told her that he had actually finished the assignment) but then goes on to claim credit for said assignment that she didn’t actually work on at all. Then the movie made it worse by changing Gaul’s dialogue from the book, namely:

2: Gaul asks/allows Coryo to fetch the paper first and

3: Gaul doesn’t explain the snake’s sense of smell until Clemensia has already put her hand in the tank (I’m 99% sure of this scene because I distinctly remember going “TAKE YOUR HAND OUT NOW, CLEMMIE” right as I read the lines).

Imo by making Gaul explain that “they won’t attack you if they’re familiar with your scent” before either Clemensia or Coryo could put their hands in the tank, it both lessens the suspense and makes it seem as if Clemensia is a very prideful person that would rather risk injury than admit wrongdoing. Which brings me to my next point ⬇

Gaul’s Depravity

There are three things I remember being weird about movie!Gaul

1: the aforementioned explanation about the snakes. The fact is that Gaul asking/allowing Coryo to take the paper first was her trying to lure Coryo and Clemensia into a false sense of security. If you don’t believe she was 100% baiting them, just remember that she doesn’t explain that the snakes might bite unfamiliar persons until it’s already too late for Clemensia to take her hand out. And when Clemensia does get bit, Gaul’s assistants rush in to inject the antivenom immediately, like they’re used to doing it. Gaul dismisses Coryo’s concerns by stating that it’s simply part of research. Then (just to drive in her callousness), Gaul dismisses him from her lab by saying it’s teatime. Coryo himself thinks Clemensia’s condition is a harsh punishment for such a simple lie.

2: she stitches up Coryo. I might’ve just simply forgotten about this, but I don’t remember a scene in the book where she personally stitches him up. After all, Gaul was willing to risk Coryo’s death in the arena (when he’s rescuing Sejanus) just to teach him the lesson that even he, with his good name and good education, would revert to predatory instincts to keep himself alive.

3: “rainbow of destruction” broadcast. Movie!Gaul indirectly warned the districts that there would be retaliation for the death of an Academy student. Granted, no one (except Coryo and Clemensia) would catch on to what “rainbow of destruction” meant, but she still warned them. When the snakes were released into the arena, people would know why they were released, why they were introducing a sudden new obstacle. Book!Gaul didn’t do that. iirc the Capitol didn’t even want the districts to know that they succeeded in dealing a blow to the Capitol (killing one of their top students/son of a prominent figure). Book!Gaul, as far as the general public knows, released the snakes for seemingly no reason than to make the Games harder. Book!Gaul didn’t even warn Coryo properly; she said there would be retaliation, but she never indicated that she would be specifically using those snakes. Coryo chanced upon the snake tank during the transfer; had he missed seeing the tank after hearing those words, he might not have made the connection that would eventually save Lucy Gray.

Positive point for the broadcast: they kept her cruel classism. They cut from the scene of the tributes killing each other to the broadcast where her opening statement was, “An important life was taken today”. I could’ve strangled her right then and there.

Modern Hunger Games

I’m sure other people have put it more eloquently than I have, but the 10th Hunger Games resembles the more modern (e.g., 74th) Hunger Games too closely. Imo the resemblance kinda strips away the initial point that the Games (without all the fanciful performance surrounding it) is a cruel and brutal punishment to force kids who don’t want to kill each other to have to kill each other to go home (does this sentence make sense?).

1: Communicuffs. In the book, the mentors used a glorified watch but, in the movies, they used TVs. You might think this is a minor thing and maybe I am overthinking it, but imo the use of a big screen makes the Academy mentors resemble the Gamemakers in the 74th/75th Games, who used big holographic screens.

2: Bloodbath. Now, I definitely remember that the 10th Games had no bloodbath. iirc Reaper was the only one ready to fight, but he took too long to get ready/get a weapon and, by the time he was geared up, everyone else had disappeared into the corridors of the colosseum. When no tributes appeared after a while, Reaper disappeared into hiding too. So, the focus was on Marcus who’d been crucified. The first death was Lamina mercy-killing Marcus.

If anything, changing the start of the Games into an actual bloodbath destroys the thesis that these kids don’t actually want to kill each other. Yes, they want to go home but that doesn’t mean they’re eager to get their hands bloody to do it. If anything, the bloodbath proves Gaul right that people are inherently predators who would do anything to survive; that compassion can be easily discarded in the face of survival. That’s the antithesis of what the Hunger Games are meant to be. Because we see time and again that compassion can exist among competitors for survival – Katniss singing to Rue, Thresh sparing Katniss in turn, Cato rushing to save Clove, Haymitch staying with Maysilee, Jessup protecting Lucy Gray, Reaper making a makeshift morgue for the dead tributes.

A bloodbath is only understandable in something like the 74th Games. Since, as far as anyone knew, the Games were here to stay. So Career districts trained their children, non-Careers grasped onto whatever knowledge they could take advantage of (Katniss’s hunting, Rue’s climbing/tracker jackers, Peeta’s camo, etc.) There were possibilities for sponsors if you were promising and a guarantee of a life of luxury if you won. So, what better time to cut down the number of competitors than when no one has supplies? Compared to the lack of…motivation during the first Games. You’d have the same type of trauma, but nothing to “soften the blow” like securing a better life for your loved ones after you win.

3: Cameras. What was with all those camera angles??? I understand having camera angles for the movie audience, but why did the Capitol audience see the same thing? One of the problems of the Games was that it wasn’t interesting to watch. The Capitol wasn’t chomping at the bit to watch an arena of nothing, for tributes they didn’t actually care about. That’s why betting was introduced, to motivate the Capitol to watch out for the tribute they were betting on, if only to confirm that said tribute was still alive.

Being able to know everything in real time undercuts the suspense of certain scenes – why was Lucy Gray running from Jessup? Why did Wovey(?) suddenly die after drinking from a water bottle? Why did Coral betray Tanner(?) In the book, we learn all this in time with Coryo. When Jessup attacks, Coryo quickly connects the aversion to water (I think Jessup swatted away the bottle Coryo was trying to send to Lucy Gray) + the bite Jessup felt on his neck + the rat poison needed around the zoo to conclude that Jessup had rabies. He had to come up with a strategy on the spot vs. when he already had an inkling by watching Jessup’s aversion to water and sudden aggressiveness to Lucy Gray in the barricaded room. As for Wovey(?), Coryo figured that the bottle was laced with rat poison vs. when we saw Lucy Gray dump in the poison. As for Coral’s betrayal, we never find out why in the book vs. when we see them having an argument in the movie (this one’s more minor, but the thing about “knowing ‘everything’ that goes on with the tributes” plays too much into the modern Games perspective; personally, her sudden betrayal made it more shocking compared to when their movie!argument already starts hinting to future betrayal).

4: Gaul’s Snake Mutts. I hate the decision to make the snakes gigantic (or normal snake size idk). The book!snakes were about as long as a ruler and were so thin that a single normal-sized tank could hold hundreds of them. They were meant for Gaul to play around with in the lab. Gaul herself didn’t intend to use her snakes in the Games.

But the reason why I really hate the gigantism of the snakes is that it dramatizes the Games in the same way as the sudden appearance of the dog mutts in the 74th. The shocking burst of the tank feels a little too close to how the Gamemakers added in mutts to up the ‘excitement’ vs. book!snakes that never burst out; they simply slithered their way out their opened tank and began surging towards all the unfamiliar smells.

Extra negative point for trying to convince us that a tiny handkerchief maintained its smell long enough to travel throughout the entire tank; this without even considering that Coryo inserted the handkerchief from the bottom. What, were the snakes passing the handkerchief up?

Infallible Coryo

Again, might be overthinking on my part, but I feel like the movie made it seem like Coryo was more strategic than quick-thinking. One of the things that made me like him was that he was intelligent in the way that he could come up with solutions on the spot. So it’s a bit disappointing that they replaced that trait, especially since it comes at the cost of Lucy Gray’s own intelligence/agency (I’ll explain this in the next point).1

1: Coryo checks out the arena the night before the Games. Again, might be misremembering but I don’t think he ever did this. Or if he even had the time since I think a lot of the Academy kids were hospitalised after the bombing and then the Games took place right after.

2: Coryo collects the rat poison vs. Lucy Gray collects it herself.1

3: one thing about Katniss’s Games that made it more realistic imo is that part of her survival relied on luck. If her dad hadn’t taught her how to hunt, she might’ve not even found water during those first days in the arena; if Cinna hadn’t chosen to be a stylist in her year and Peeta hadn’t made her look desirable, then she might’ve had less sponsors than she did. So, I don’t like that they changed how Coryo found out about the snake mutts.

As said in my previous point: book!Coryo chanced upon the tank transfer. If Gaul hadn’t called him for a meeting; if the scientists hadn’t left him alone with the tank; if he’d taken out the handkerchief beforehand – had any of his circumstances changed, Lucy Gray might’ve died from the snakes too.

But thanks to movie!Gaul’s broadcast, movie!Coryo knew/had strong suspicion of exactly what was about to happen. He knew where to go, he had an excuse to see Gaul (ig you could say the lucky part is that Gaul didn’t turn him away/direct him to the hospital instead), he knew he needed the handkerchief; all he had to do was execute his plan. If they wanted Coryo to look smart, I’d say it was more impressive that he could connect the tank transfer to Gaul’s retaliation almost immediately after seeing the tank.

Lucy Gray = Good, Other Tributes = Bad, Coryo = Worse

1: when I say other tributes, I mostly mean two instances –

Jessup’s abandonment. Like I said in my first point, Lysistrata said that book!Jessup protected her during the bombing vs. movie!Jessup attempting to run away/escape. Between Jessup’s constant protection of Lucy Gray and that Lysistrata had no reason to lie (especially about a specific action), I 100% believe that Jessup really did his utmost to protect Lysistrata at the time. It feels like a slap to the face that, in their attempt of making Lucy Gray look good, they took away one of Jessup’s kindest, self-sacrificial actions. It almost feels like they’re making him a bit classist himself since he doesn’t hesitate to protect a District kid, but they changed the scene where he protected a Capitol kid. Point is: they did my boy, Jessup, dirty bcs he (at the very least) wouldn’t abandon Lucy Gray while escaping!

Coral’s alliance. istg Coral’s alliance starting the bloodbath and hunting down Lucy Gray and Jessup was mimicking the scene of Cato’s alliance murdering in the bloodbath and hunting down Katniss. Especially since they also had a scene where one of them (I’m so sorry idk his name, but it was the kid that said he was scared to go through the door flap/Cato) tried to chase after them by going through the door/climbing the tree.

Idk if they were trying to ‘foreshadow’ District 4 eventually becoming a Career district, but no. They could be ruthless (forcing Lamina to choose who to fight), but they weren’t the same kind of ruthless hunters as the Careers in the 74th. (Going to repeat my point that these changes only prove Gaul’s point that we’re all inherent predators.) The worst part is that their bloodthirsty alliance is contrasted to Lucy Gray’s kind camaraderie with Jessup (her worriedly searching for him and dragging him away from the fight asap). Both Coral’s alliance and Lucy Gray should’ve been at the same ‘starting point’ – kids who resorted to killing, not ones who were so eager to get home that they start murdering as soon as they get their hands on a weapon.

2: Coryo does the thinking for Lucy Gray. Gonna elaborate on my two previous points…

Coryo checks out the arena. This one bothers me so much bcs can they really not give Lucy Gray something as basic as knowing how and where to hide? Why is it Coryo that has to tell her exactly where she can hide and how to get there? + for some reason, they added an underground bunker? Imo they could’ve had even more suspense if they kept the fact that there was no bloodbath and all the tributes were hiding in the stands/corridors. It also would’ve been the perfect scene to showcase Lucy Gray’s smarts by making it so that she had to figure out how to avoid/hide from multiple tributes in a confined, unfamiliar space.

Coryo collects the rat poison. This one bothers me a lot too bcs, even though Coryo gave the compact specifically to hold the poison, Lucy Gray is the one who decides to bring it into the arena. I feel like making movie!Coryo collect the poison instead of her takes away her agency how she wants to survive the Games. Book!Coryo doesn’t see her in the zoo so he can only hope that she’ll risk cheating by bringing in the poison; it could’ve been easy for Lucy Gray to lie and say that nobody took the bait or that she didn’t bring in enough poison since he had no proof whether she did or didn’t have poison during the Games. The fact that movie!Coryo pleads(?) with her to take the compact, knowing that it’s carrying poison, makes it feel more like he’s forcing her to take a risk rather than letting her choose. If the compact had ended up being empty, then they could’ve bs something like he wanted her to have a memento of him during the Games instead of it being an instrument in cheating.

3: Lucy Gray’s calculated kills. One of the things that makes Lucy Gray nuanced is that she does bad things of her own volition. She’s trying to survive the Games so it’s not as if it’s a despicable thing for her to be cunning. But movie!Lucy Gray’s too good to even be that, as proven by how she kills. Book!Lucy Gray kills Wovey, Treech, and Reaper; movie!Lucy Gray kills Dill and Treech (there’s supposed to be a third, but I don’t remember who).

Book!Lucy Gray was deliberate. She knows she isn’t as fast or strong as some of the others so she preps to take out the other tributes through other means –

Wovey: iirc Lucy Gray poisoned a bottle and then just dropped it in the corridor to make it seem like it was a lost bottle. iirc she says something along the lines of “Poor Wovey. I was aiming for Coral, not her”. Intended victim or not, she baited a thirsty tribute into drinking what seems like their only source of water.

Treech: he swings a weapon at her while she’s trying to retreat. In self-defence, Lucy Gray reveals that she kept one of the snakes and releases it on Treech. I’m highlighting the fact that she kept it bcs Lucy Gray keeps it despite seeing the frenzied assault the snakes launched on all the other tributes. (idk if this is before or after Treech, but she also counts the corpses so she must’ve seen the effects of the venom). Either way, she kept it with the intention of quite possibly using it.

Reaper: iirc she admits to poisoning the puddle Reaper was drinking from. Then, she makes the poisoned Reaper use the last of his energy to chase her. Coryo himself says that she was trying to “run him to death”. Unlike the previous two killings, Lucy Gray knew exactly who she intended to kill and what she’d need to do to achieve it. He wasn’t drinking from a bottle so she found out which puddle he was drinking from; he was protective of his morgue so she made him chase her by running off with the flag.

Movie!Lucy Gray still did things intentionally, but it felt more hasty than calculated. She killed Dill the same way she killed Wovey, but it felt less like deception (making her victim think that she dropped a perfectly good bottle) and more like force (every other bottle is empty so there’s really no choice). Not really much to comment on Treech’s death since it’s quite similar, just that her ‘last resort’ is different.

I get that they were pressed for time so they had to hasten the end of the Games, but it feels like such a pity to lose Lucy Gray’s cunning in the process.

Mentors

Quick aside here, but why did they make it so that the Academy kids didn’t know that they were going to be mentors? They already knew that they were going to be assigned a tribute. iirc Coryo was worried since he wanted a ‘good’ tribute and, when all the ‘good ones’ were gone, he hoped that Dean Highbottom forgot him instead of assigning him a tribute from District 12. It seems unnecessary, but maybe I’m missing something.

EDIT: got some thoughts on this movie change

Translating Thoughts to Expressions

I understand that a lot of Coryo’s more rancid opinions remain as thoughts. Esp since he’s constantly trying to look not-poor and so that he can gain any advantage he can get. So he doesn’t say anything about Sejanus (Strabo Plinth could give him money), Ma (she gives him good, free food), Arachne (he has tact), Gaul (have you met the woman?). But there is one thing that stands out to me; a good chance to show the movie-only audience that he’s actually putting up an act: Sejanus calling him Coryo.

I think it’s more obvious in the book, but only Tigris and his childhood friends ever call him Coryo. It’s a nickname reserved for people he’s close to. So, the fact that Sejanus says it so casually takes away the momentum of the moment where Sejanus feels like they’ve grown close enough for him to use it. Book!Sejanus says it in a moment of apology – “I’m sorry. Coryo, I’m sorry” – bcs Coryo had to save him from the arena and, not only was Sejanus’s action fruitless, Coryo ended up killing Bobbin and being hunted by the other tributes. Movie!Sejanus says it when Coryo finds him in the arena. I can’t remember the line, but it’s when he was trying to explain why he was there. He just blurts it out in the middle of the sentence like he’d always been calling him Coryo.

Anyway, the reason why I say this is an opportunity to show Coryo’s true feelings is bcs this is one of the few times where Coryo has the possibility and ‘safety’ to slip up. When book!Sejanus calls him Coryo, he’s emotionally overwhelmed and physically exhausted. He’s horrified by his murder of Bobbin, anxious about the tributes chasing him and Sejanus, frustrated/angry that the Peacekeepers didn’t help them until the last minute on top of his annoyance at Ma turning up at their house, disdain for Sejanus (Coryo being his only friend meant that Ma turned up at his house specifically), and his initial worry/fear of going into the arena. Sejanus assuming he could use Coryo’s nickname would be the cherry on top of an already hellish night. And when I say ‘safety’, I mean that Coryo’s expression could’ve easily been hidden from Sejanus by making it so that the shadows of the colosseum shrouded him.

Over-explanation

This might be my most overthinking one, but I feel like the movie treats the audience like they’re a bit stupid? Like they’re explicitly explaining rather than just letting us make inferences. There’re three changes I can think of for this.

1: Snake mutts. I won’t explain this scene again, but movie!Gaul specifies that the snakes would recognise the “sweat on your palm”. She’d already explained that the snakes wouldn’t attack familiar smells, like the ones that they’d been around all morning. This explanation + knowing the tank had been lined with their papers was (imo) enough info to clue in that “the snakes won’t attack bcs they’ve been smelling the papers”. The extra tidbit just feels like they’re not sure we’ll understand how lining the tank = snakes not attacking.

2: “rainbow of destruction”. Not explaining this scene again either, but the broadcast did make it seem very in-your-face about what was gonna happen. It doesn’t help that Gaul emphasises that distinct phrase.

3: Jabberjays. So, jabberjays singing like normal birds to blend in, but turn silent when they're recording. And while Coryo uses this knowledge of how jabberjays work, the scene falls flat a bit. Bcs book!Sejanus doesn't know how the jabberjays work. Coryo cleverly turns on the recording function and then gets rid of him quickly after he gets the info bcs he knows it'd be sus if Sejanus figures out that "hey, why was this bird silent the whole time but suddenly starts singing?" But, in the movie, they repeat the fact that the bird falling silent means it was recording bcs Coryo replays the recording. (Maybe I’m misremembering this)

Still, Sejanus dies without knowing Coryo was the traitor. Or he should, but they reveal the recording again right before they hang him. Just in case we couldn’t figure out why he was being executed ig 🙄

Well, that’s the end of my vent. If you’ve read this far, thank you fro reading, but also feel free to correct me if you think/know I’m wrong about something.

[bigskydreaming]

#all those parallels are killing me#the lost potential in this...#the way he words things for dick vs cass tho#there's something about it#i can't put my finger on it via @farshootergotme (from this post here)

I had a similar sentiment when reading it, so if I could take a stab at what it might be about the wording....

I've always felt that there are a lot of parallels and connections when it comes to Bruce and most of his kids - unsurprising given that they are all to at least some degree initally created as derivatives of his (note: this does not mean they have less depth or nuance than he does, just that in terms of character creation, they usually debut as members of his supporting cast before branching out from there and establishing supporting casts of their own).

But that said, I think of all the Batkids, Dick and Cass are the ones that Bruce personally sees himself in most - which sometimes leads to them being perceived by everyone around them as them being his 'favorites' - though I'd argue it tends to be more that he just defaults to viewing them as the ones he understands best, or at least thinks he does.

However, for all that this has been to Dick and Cassandra's benefit at times, and has led them to having relationships with Bruce that their siblings often view enviously.....this can be a double-edged sword in a couple of ways.

First, there's the fact that there are various ways in which Dick and Cass are SUPERFICIALLY similar to Bruce, in the sense that they're likely to respond to certain circumstances or take certain actions that match what Bruce would do there....but in Cass and Dick's case, this might be for totally different reasons than what motivates Bruce. So while looking at the end result, Bruce sees the parallels between them and comes to the conclusion that he has a more accurate grasp of Cass and Dick's mindset and motivations than he actually does....which can lead to miscommunication and assumptions.

Secondly, however, I think the same tendencies that lead Bruce to see himself more fully in Dick and Cass than he does in his other children means that Bruce can more easily fall into the trap of PROJECTING onto them. And this can be a big problem when you consider that Bruce is not always, umm, the biggest fan of himself?

And I'd argue there's an angle to be explored here, that this leads to a lot of the heightened expectations he has for Dick and Cass at times, how he's more critical of the "how" and "why" Dick and Cass go about doing certain things whereas with the others he tends to get more hung up on just the "what" of it.

None of the Batkids have a monopoly on dealing with Bruce's disappointment, but a lot of the conflicts Bruce has with Jason or Damian stem from Bruce coming at them from an angle of "this is something I would never do" whereas with Dick and Cass its more an angle of "this is not how I would have done this." Tim is a bit trickier and I think he falls somewhere in between the two pairs, and Duke doesn't have an extensive enough history of conflict with Bruce in the vein of a parent/child dynamic to weigh in on definitively here. While Steph is not someone I consider a Batkid in the same sense as the other six due to the fact that I don't think her and Bruce's dynamic has ever been born of either of them seeing each other as their parent or child respectively, so its not quite applicable here.....same thing with Babs, though to a different degree.

But the point is, because Bruce sees Dick and Cass as the two most likely to act in ways he expects or can map according to his own reasoning, the two who are usually closest to his own responses in how they respond to things.....he tends to be MORE thrown on the occasions they deviate from his expectations/his approach to doing things, and Bruce is not at his best when things do not happen according to his carefully crafted plans and predictions. Especially not when he's got projection issues in the mix.

Thus the intensity of his reactions when Dick and Cass do things he doesn't expect or agree with....tend to be disproportionate to what it is they actually did that upset him....at least compared to how he reacts to specific things the others do or what kinds of things the others do that end up inciting a similar degree of conflict with him.

Because he's not only primed in these instances to be caught offguard and feeling like he doesn't understand the two kids he usually counts as the two most relatable....because of those projection issues, born of how seeing himself reflected in Dick and Cass is the very BASIS of the birth of his dynamic with each of them.....I think Bruce unintentionally tends to react to them doing shit he doesn't expect or approve of as though.....he's reacting to HIMSELF doing something he doesn't approve of in hindsight, or feels guilty or critical of. And if there's another element of his behavior Bruce is not the best at, its handling his sense of guilt.

And just as a reference, when I emphasize that I think Bruce was initially drawn to Dick and Cass because he saw elements of himself in them and their situations, that's not to say I don't think those exist between Bruce and his other kids, just that directly relating to them himself isn't the most obvious parallel in his eyes. For all that Bruce says Jason reminded him of himself, I've always felt its more likely that a young Jason reminded him of Dick, who Bruce was missing at the time but feeling like he couldn't reach out to, so he was sort of drawn to this possibility of a second chance with the son he'd estranged.

In Tim's case, I think Tim eventually grew INTO someone that Bruce sees a lot of himself in, and vice versa, but that Tim didn't start OUT this way, and when Bruce and Tim first met, there was much less overlap between the former and Tim as he was when originally approaching Bruce in the wake of Jason's death and his early days as Robin.

Damian I think Bruce was so busy defining himself by his biological connection - and subsequent feelings of responsibility - to Damian, and the added complications of how his history with Talia and Ra's and their impact on Damian's life before Bruce ever had a chance to make an impact on him....like I think all of that added up to make Bruce initially resistant to seeing anything of himself in Damian. As in Damian as he was when Bruce first met him was so distinct from how Bruce wanted to believe he'd be if he'd had a chance to raise him, Bruce didn't want to see parallels of himself in Damian's pre-existing behaviors and choices.

Duke I think Bruce was drawn to because he was so distinct from the rest of the Batfam and Bruce himself....the fact that Duke naturally gravitated towards becoming the Daylight Defender of Gotham as opposed to the rest of them as nocturnal defenders....this wasn't so much something unanticipated as it was a feature of Bruce extending a connection between the two of them. If it were less annoying trying to cram the various continuities together, I'd WANT to say Bruce was initially drawn to Duke because he saw parallels between him and (pre-Flashpoint) Cass much in the same way he was drawn to Jason for how he reminded him of Dick, but given that the Cass whose dynamic with Bruce is most vivid in my head functionally didn't exist at the time Duke joined the Batfam, that doesn't quite work, but eh. DC's just like that. What're you gonna do.

But anyway. All that said, to loop this back around to Dick and Cass, and the parallels in those panels but slight divergences in how Bruce addresses them....

I do think that Dick and Cass are alike in that their dynamics with Bruce are so largely born of Bruce seeing himself in them and projecting on them in various ways....

But they're distinct from each other in that I think initially, Bruce saw elements of Bruce Wayne and the trauma that shaped him in Dick and his circumstances, while Bruce saw elements of Batman and the training that shaped him in Cassandra.

And this makes a big but subtle difference. To be clear, I'm not someone who subscribes to the whole idea of "Batman and Bruce Wayne are two different people, essentially" and definitely don't agree with the "Batman is the real person, Bruce Wayne is the mask" theories. To me, Bruce and Batman are very much one and the same, and they can't be delineated from each other in any particularly productive way. Bruce Wayne became - and shaped what Batman became - with intent. Intent that can not be divorced from what shaped and drove him as Bruce Wayne. They are intrinsically intertwined, at least when it comes to Bruce-as-Batman rather than just Batman as a mantle that can be worn by others and interpreted in different ways.

But that said....I do think that Bruce makes a distinction in his mind as to when he's trying to operate as Bruce Wayne vs Batman. Its more like....he knows they're one and the same, but he has two different "modes" that he slips in and out of with intent: when he feels the Batman's more hyper-aware, primed for action, logistical and deductive-emphasizing perspective and skillset would be more useful for a given situation vs when he feels his perspective and skills as Bruce Wayne are the better choice to lean into.

Its less about seeing either Bruce or Batman as the mask that's not really "him" and more about him viewing Bruce and Batman as two sides of him that he deliberately cultivated in specific ways in order to be the most effective set of traits/tools for different sorts of situations. Both his Brucie persona and Batman are larger than life by DESIGN....Bruce's intentional design. But they're designed and engineered with very different behaviors and end goals in mind. He can afford to be Bruce in ways and areas that he can't afford to be Batman, and vice versa. Both are still him, just his attempt at optimizing himself for different situations.

So there's not a straight bifurcation in how he views the two sides of him, but given that they were intentionally designed to evolve and be added on to in very distinct ways and in different directions as he grew....upon being drawn to Dick and Cass, and relating to them in different ways, he defaulted to seeing more of himself-as-Bruce-Wayne in Dick and his initial circumstances, while seeing more of himself-as-Batman in Cassandra and who Cain had attempted to shape her to be and how she had pushed back or defied this.

And THAT'S the distinction I see in how Bruce words things in those panels of him expressing similar but slightly different sentiments to Dick and Cass.

When he accidentally projects onto Dick and this leads to conflict between them....as well as him expressing disappointment in Dick's choices or seemingly in his capabilities.....Bruce is caught in the mindset of seeing Dick as a younger Bruce Wayne, and a target for Bruce's own disappointment or lack of faith in himself.

"You're fired Dick," and "anything less than total devotion to this cause is a waste of my time" as though Dick/young Bruce was the one who wasn't cut out for the mission and all it demanded. That if Dick weren't willing to do what needed to be done, he'd be better off just quitting and not going any further down the path he'd first gone down as a young Bruce Wayne, determined to become something like Batman.

"You disobeyed me," and "Gordon was right, you're just a boy," as though its clear Dick wasn't cut out for this, that maybe it had always been a mistake to think a younger Bruce was cut out for this life.

"You're better off this way"...or maybe it would have been kinder if someone had convinced a younger Bruce that he wasn't cut out for this life if only to spare him from this path and all it demanded.

In contrast, the way Bruce words things to Cassandra IMO could stem from Bruce projecting onto her as a parallel to who Bruce was in the very early days of Batman, the finishing stages of his training when he was poised on the cusp of what that was starting to shape him into and what he wanted Batman to become instead.

He speaks to her as though speaking to a version of himself who had already acquired the tools needed to be Batman, it wasn't in question but more a matter of how those tools should be applied, or even SHOULD they be.

"I'm ordering you to stand down as Batgirl" - there's a deliberate distance between person giving the order and person receiving it, in how this is delivered. The kind of distance that speaks to a teacher/trainee relationship, the kind that he would have been more likely to respond to at a time in his life when he was still open to taking orders from those he respected as instructors, whereas he would not be open to being outright diverted from his course entirely.

"I can't allow anyone to jeopardize the mission, Cassandra, even you" - he's not attempting to appeal to her emotional responses to the situation or how she's feeling at the moment, but instead relying on her training and mindset, cultivated in pursuit OF the mission, to recognize what's best for it, as this is what would've been more effective in making a young Batman stand down, rather than tangling with the emotions of a young Bruce Wayne who was better described as having landed upon and focused on the mission as an outlet for grief, who NEEDED the mission, versus someone who believed the mission needed HIM/Cassandra.

"I don't care if this is some delayed adolescence or teenage rebellion" - ie you're meant to be passed this sort of thing by now, if there was a time and place in your/my life for prioritizing a typical teenage response over a Batman-in-training's response, that time was before we ever reached this point.

"Maybe being Batgirl is doing her more harm than good" - a similar sentiment to expressing that Dick is better off without Robin, with concern for Cassandra's overall well-being here....but again filtered through a lens that by default views them from different points along the path.

Dick is told you're better off this way, because Bruce is projecting on him as a younger Bruce Wayne still more characterized by his grief for his parents than his actionable responses to that as Batman....so he speaks to Dick as though he's someone who as of this point in time could still be diverted away from the path of becoming Batman or someone like him, spared from that fate and burden entirely. Even though this overlooks that by this point in DICK'S life, contrary to the parallel point in Bruce's life, Dick had already actionably done plenty that was more akin to Batman than anything a young Bruce had done by then. It was already past the point of no return for Dick, so to speak, but because Bruce got caught up in seeing him as a younger version of himself, he's not fully cognizant of that and still sees the point of Dick-becoming-like-him-as-BATMAN as something that's still a future that can be avoided.

Cassandra in contrast is spoken of as though a younger Batman regretting his courses of action and the ways they've changed him or things they've demanded of him. Its taken for granted that she's already crossed whatever threshold marks the boundary line of life-before-Batman and life-as-Batman in Bruce's mind. BUT as seen from Bruce's vantage point as an older mentoring figure that he didn't have an equivalent for in his life when he was at that stage of things (as Alfred was there of course, but occupied a very different sphere and he was 'past' having tutors and trainers he was willing to allow direct his course). A Bruce who to some degree regrets what life as Batman demanded and cost him might occasionally wish there had been someone in his life earlier on who COULD have said to him that maybe he'd be better off without Batman, in a way he might have accepted or agreed with.....thus leading him to see this as still a viable possibility he can exercise to 'spare' Cassandra from going any further down the same road.

And then of course, the ultimate tragedy here is that Cass and Dick both remain more alike each other than Bruce himself in the sense that they are their own distinct individuals, no matter how closely they parallel who Bruce has been at earlier points in his life. And for all that those parallels do exist, and have been to their benefit at times, and are the genesis of their entire relationships with Bruce....they will never match up to Bruce and his experiences or motivations perfectly. And thus at some key moments and situations, Bruce's occasional failure to fully center his awareness that they aren't just younger versions of himself or his second chance to do things differently....is the driving force of these particular conflicts between them.

In ways that run parallel to each other, but just like their respective parallels to Bruce....don't quite line up perfectly, even if they are mostly aligned.

[misterxsamsa]

"SCENES IN DISNEY MOVIES WHERE PEOPLE DIE"

I've always appreciated the nuance of Nailbunny being Johnny's defacto "voice of reason" yet still being a little fucked up.

It makes sense, because he's still a part of Johnny's mind and will naturally be derivative of his personality and dysfunction regardless of what he's meant to represent. He can only be a "voice of reason" by the metric of what Johnny himself defines as reasonable. Well, what he considers that to be, from his rotted mental perspective.

It's canonically established that Nailbunny and Reverend Meat are still direct extensions of Johnny's internal monologue, unlike D-Boy and Mr. Eff. With that in mind, it's interesting how their personalities were allocated and constructed. Nailbunny's got this sardonic edge I really enjoy, while Reverend Meat's strangely grounded and poetic. His way of speaking almost reminds me of Johnny's monologuing.

You think it'd be the other way around, but they both remain as clear extensions of Johnny's personality. This is especially evident to me in how Nailbunny's more passionately against Johnny's artistic deterioration than his literal murder sprees. He gets more fired up here than in any other appearence, actually. It makes sense, this is an artist essentially chastizing himself, and I think we've all been there. That's where Johnny's priorities lie, and so that reflects in Nailbunny.

Aside from Nailbunny himself, I'm very intrigued by the way his relationship with Johnny is written in a progressive sense.

Nailbunny's a lot more gentle with Johnny in the first issue as compared to even the fourth. My guess is that he slowly became disillusioned the more Johnny kept self-destructing, and ignoring his perspective in favor of Mr. Eff's.

Nailbunny's state is left very ambiguous by the end of the comics. He could very well end up redeveloping fully given enough time for Johnny to heal post-mind consumption. However, even with Nailbunny being inextricably connected to Johnny's subconscious, the possibility of him being reintegrated partially back into Johnny is something I've never seen explored previously.

[LOOK, HE'S EVEN GOT THE BUNNY EARS!]

Johnny's sudden change in perspective around content and desire is obviously fueled by his experiences with death, resurrection, and Lovecraftian wall demons. Still, approaching it from this angle gives it a little something. It's like a non-committal headcanon I only half subscribe to, but would like to make an AU out of someday.

[hrodvitnon]

Lately, I've been noticing that people are comparing MV Godzilla to Doomguy and a cat. It's funny because there's one thing all three of them got in common: people misunderstanding them as violent and angry jerks who hate everything, when that just isn't the case at all.

It's also an unfortunate trend I've been noticing, and now Godzilla's getting mischaracterized to hell and back as a dumb, angry, and violent brute by these people after GvK and GxK, especially on Twitter. In worst cases, I've even seen them say that Godzilla shouldn't be a sympathetic character at all, and that he doesn't need to be because Kong's already there, and as everyone knows, mammals are supposedly "more" sympathetic and relatable than reptiles are. Even though these are all fictional characters at the end of the day, and if so many works can make you sympathize with dragons, non-humanoid robots, and even a literal talking tree-man, among many other non-human and non-mammalian characters, then what's stopping you from doing the same thing to a big nuke lizard?

Also, they act as if Godzilla has never been sympathetic in any of his previous movies before. As if the original Gojira movie, most Showa era movies, Return of Godzilla and Heisei era as a whole, Kiryu Saga (though that applies more to Kiryu himself), and even MV Godzilla's own solo movies and in Legacy of Monsters magically don't exist to these people.

(Apologies for the sorta rant there, but this is really disheartening to see. Even Matt Frank himself has joined in with saying that MV Godzilla is a jerkface and that's all what he should be.)

As if we need another reason to avoid the Wretched Hive of Media Illiteracy and Bad Takes! But if it's any consolation, this house/blog is a MV Godzilla Support Zone: We know why Godzilla behaves the way he does, and he's just as sympathetic as Kong is. Have I made the Doomguy comparison myself? Yes, but only in jest and in response to a meme that also compares Kong and Suko to Kratos and Atreus. (Y'know, from that franchise about a guy who gets angry and kills gods; the guy who, according to old memes, would see stale bread as grounds for deicide; there's a lot more to the guy than that, but not to anyone who thinks "Kratos having nuance is boring" and are so allergic to water that they won't even touch the surface of an iceberg video.) I know how to make a joke and have the required media literacy to understand there's more to these characters than surface-level dumbfuckery.

Godzilla is like Doomguy in the sense that he loves something soft and fluffy (Daisy/Mothra) and will go through bloody hell to save the world; they both harbor scars physical and mental. He is also like cats in that he may bite and scratch, but he is subtle in showing his trust. His story may not have the found family angle like Kong, but Godzilla is still a big grumpy lizard with soulful emotional eyes who saves the world and loves his moth wife very much. Anyone says otherwise, I've got a bridge to sell them.

(Matt Frank, you better be trolling or I will be very disappointed and not reblog any of your art for a while.)

[writing-for-life]

So, you mentioned something about Thessaly in a 90s context in one of your responses to another post, and I was wondering if you could expand on that. Because yeah, I have no problem with her *existing* as a character, because obviously she has a role in the narrative, but I highly suspect that her perceived role has changed a LOT in the intervening years since the initial writing.

As someone who first read Sandman in 2022, I figured that her character role was to get us to question what we think we know about Morpheus. Can we really trust that he's changed or improved, or that he's even all that likeable, if he's literally jumping into bed with this thoroughly unpleasant woman who likes violent murder *way* too much and also seems to be transphobic to boot?

At the same time, though, I got the uncomfortable sense that we were supposed to *like* Thessaly. In a sort of, "You go girl, be a #girlboss, let's show these boys we can be JUST as good at killing as them!" sort of way. Which I rationalized as "well, that probably was progressive in the 90s, but the idea of cold blooded violence and emphasis on the possession of a womb being feminist ideals has aged poorly."

So, yeah, I'm wondering if that is anywhere close to how she seemed in the "intended" context.

[As always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!]

This is such a good ask, and I feel there are a lot of bases to cover here. Not sure if I’ll do it justice, but here goes…

Disclaimer straightaway: I absolutely detest Thessaly and everything she’s done narratively, and I’m neither a Thessaly-apologist, nor someone who loves her as a character. But I think we need to discuss her with a bit more nuance than I see in lot of fandom spaces.

I think first of all, we need to look at:

Thessaly as a fictional character

As you already pointed out, she naturally has a role in the narrative. I also think parts of her role in said narrative are sometimes a bit misunderstood. One prime example would be the idea she never loved Morpheus. And yes, she absolutely always put herself and her own interests first, so from that angle, she loved herself more than she loved him. That doesn’t mean she never loved him at any point though. Many people quote her saying that she never did as proof that she didn’t. But what people say doesn’t always align with what they feel or do: She says at his wake she swore she’ll never cry over him again—and cries while she’s saying it. That tells us two things: She *did* cry because of him before. And she *does* cry now.

Again, she is a selfish, utterly horrid bitch, but she loved him at some point, and she was mad at him for neglecting her and not paying her enough attention. That’s when it turned sour (and we know how absolutely shit at communicating with women Morpheus is, so they’re both as bad as each other in that regard).

I see her as someone who is totally disconnected/dissociated from her emotions, to the extent that she probably really believes what she says, out of some deep-rooted fear of any kind of vulnerability. Why that is—we can only speculate, because Neil never went into it, hence nothing we assume will ever be canon.

What can be considered canon, however, is that Neil has confirmed the fact that she *did* love him at some point—most notably in the Sandman Companion:

Hy Bender: […] Of course, she’s lying when she says she never loved the Sandman.

Neil Gaiman: Of course; I think that’s made explicit by the final panel, where she says, `I swore I would never shed another tear for him’ while crying. But after he’s won her and then returned to his duties, he wasn’t enough for her anymore. She wanted attention; and when she wasn’t getting it, she said, “Right. We’re done,” and walked out on him.”

I’d also like to point out that the most trans-exclusionary prick in the whole of AGoY is actually George, just that he’s not a woman, and hence, no one ever seems to mention it (he’s actually the one egging Wanda on, not Thessaly). Plus, walking the moon road is maiden, mother and crone to a T, and consciously so. Foxglove is the maiden, Hazel is pregnant, and Thessaly is ancient. So Thessaly’s choice was also based on that, and the only one who Wanda really could have *potentially* replaced would have been Foxglove; she presumably never had penetrative sex, unlike Hazel (in the archaic definition of what penetration means, so we don’t need to argue about lesbian sex practices now). We don’t know that about Wanda, no matter if someone sees her as a man or a woman. I didn’t mean to get that explicit about maiden status, but I guess it *is* important in this context (although yes, of course Thessaly said Wanda is a man, and I’m not arguing that either, but I still think it was grounded in her belief how moon magic works).

Which brings me to a very important point: Thessaly is ancient. Culturally, we can’t compare her to someone who grew up in the 20th century, also with regard to her violent inclinations. She is thousands of years old. She’s seen it all. She has a fierce sense of self-preservation, maybe even rooted in some fears or trauma of her own. All not very nice character traits, no, but that’s not the yardstick, and probably was never supposed to be. I also remember Neil saying he consciously wanted to oppose neopaganism and the watered down, new wave witchcraft of the time (late 1980s/early 1990s, and that, I really remember), which was all about the “divine feminine”, female empowerment, tarot cards and incense sticks. I’m being a bit flippant now, but it isn’t far off. It was more of a trend than anything. He wanted to consciously oppose it with someone who would still act according to ancient, rather violent codes and rules. And Morpheus will have known those, and probably found them less surprising than we do (doesn’t necessarily mean he’d condone them either).

The fact whether Thessaly should make us question Morpheus in the comics is a tricky one. What she definitely *should* make us question is: Morpheus could have quite easily broken some rules in the Kindly Ones when Thessaly had set up the protection circle for Lyta, and the consequences probably would have been less disastrous than playing by said rules. And we can safely presume he knew. We are also supposed to question the same when he lets Nuala call in her boon and doesn’t just say: “This isn’t really a good time, can we do this later?” (and he absolutely COULD have done that), but actually follows through with going ,“Well, what gives, I basically grant you your boon now and leave the Dreaming, even though I know the potential consequences.” So yes, Thessaly is supposed to make us question Dream’s choices, but probably not the way we think. And for that, we perhaps should look deeper into…

Thessaly the TERF and Feminism in the late 1980s/early 1990s

This might get a bit longwinded, and I am showing my age here. I grew up at the intersection of second wave and third wave feminism, and as a bisexual woman, I made a lot of experiences during the early 90s that feel wholly aligned with the plot of AGoY (which was written during that time). I don’t want to write a whole essay about feminism here, but second wave feminism was on its way out in the late 80s. A lot of the bad associations some people have with feminism today stem from that time (not always justified, because a lot of good was achieved during that period. But parts of it in specific sub-communities—definitely problematic). Equality vs equity discussions within the feminist movement were dominating everything, and the divide between radfems and libfems was getting deeper. People like Audre Lorde IMHO rightly criticised that failing to understand that not all women start on equal footing, that not all women are the same, is problematic (so you could easily see how this is incorporated into the narrative of AGoY).

Second wave feminism wasn’t just about making sure women had rights. It was very much about “all of us can do everything men do, and we want the same a man gets”. It was all about the workspace (so often very white, CIS, middle class), not being at home with the kids etc (of course there were also other topics, but this one was really quite dominant). You could even see it fashion (massive shoulder pads etc). All the while, actually *being* a man was vilified (again, just in certain quarters).

So I feel you’re on to something with your #girlboss comment, only that I don’t think it was intentionally set up to like her, but rather as a criticism of what certain quarters of the feminist movement were like at the time.

Personal anecdote: I got that type of schtick from WITHIN the LGBT community at the time. Bi-erasure was big. And there were radfem lesbians that would actually tell you that being bi doesn’t exist, that you are basically a traitor to your “sisters” and just a lesbian who isn’t fully out. The same shite they used to criticise about men who would say you’re only a lesbian because you haven’t found the right guy yet. And here they went, telling you that you can’t be attracted to men if you’re also attracted to women.

Third wave feminism has a much stronger focus on the individual woman and what it means to be a woman to HER. This also included trans women, much more than during the second wave. Judith Butler’s work is actually exemplary for this (in essence, there is no such woman as “the” woman—we’re all different despite sharing common traits and problems. Trying to make us all the same will only harm us in the long run).

And with AGoY and Thessaly, we are exactly at the moment in time (in the comics) where that shift happens. I think Neil got it right for the time, and understood a lot of what was going on. Many people in queer communities felt really understood and seen, myself included. I absolutely see how that translates differently today. But it always saddens me when the historical context gets completely stripped away, and people don’t take the time a work of fiction was written into consideration and only measure it from today’s viewpoint. We can, and absolutely have to be critical if the TV shows fails to address these points and just translates everything 1-2-1. Which I am fairly certain won’t happen, because Thessaly has already been stripped off a lot of her obvious TERFiness in the Audible. I’m not even sure if we’ll get her in the show—we’ll hopefully find out.

Phew, that was long, I’m gonna lie down 😂

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 36 part one

(Masterpost) (Pinboard)  (whole thing on AO3)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!  

Lan Wangji’s alcohol tolerance has improved considerably since the last time he got drunk with Wei Wuxian; this time he does not face plant onto the table. He’s still totally hammered after a single drink, though. Lan Wangji doesn’t do anything halfway. 

Wei Wuxian maneuvers him into their inn room (which does appear to have a second bed, alas) making the same vocalization that people in cdrama seem to use to settle skittish horses, and puts him into bed.

...Fully clothed, because the hair & costume department ain’t got time to be re-doing anybody’s outfit, we’ve got a schedule to keep here, people, let’s move!

The last time Wei Wuxian put a drunk Lan Wangji to bed, they were kids and he laid him down like a sack of potatoes. 

This time he cradles his head, holds his hands, tucks him in, and comes within a censor’s breath of kissing him. 

He’s obviously got a lot of feelings for Lan Wangji at this point, and I think he’s sort of aware of the nature of those feelings, but he is still not clear about what’s going on in Lan Wangji’s head and heart. So he continues to slap a veneer of playfulness over the deeper stuff that’s going on underneath...mostly.

(more behind the cut!)

Old Friends (Sat on the Park Bench Like Bookends)

While Lan Wanji sleeps, Wei Wuxian goes outside to find Wen Ning. Wen Ning shuffles up wearing comically huge chains and a deeply strung-out expression. 

He’s so blank of expression, in fact, that the editor uses this exact same shot three times in the course of his interaction with Wei Wuxian, rather than bothering to film a longer take. 

Wei Wuxian is delighted to see him; the only survivor, or sorta-survivor, that he’s seen from their little refugee village. He’s not delighted to see that Wen Ning barely recognizes him--although he recognizes him enough to come whenever he hears his flute playing, even though it’s a new flute, which is really very sweet. This kid got a sincere compliment from a beautiful upperclassman when he was a freshman and promptly signed his entire self over to that guy for the rest of eternity, and he’s not going to let death or mind control keep him away. 

Wei Wuxian can tell something is wrong because of the heap of chains that Wen Ning is wearing, which weren’t part of his look in the old days. Critical Role fans like me are probably thinking of ways to sell these to a blacksmith. 

After a little provocative hair pulling, Wei Wuxian extracts the control nails from Wen Ning’s skull. 

Wen Ning: I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

Unlike the next time Wei Wuxian encounters this exact same technology, he doesn’t stop with one nail, but keeps poking around until he finds and removes the second one, which fully restores Wen Ning’s consciousness. 

Wen Ning promptly feels bad about having killed Jin Zixuan, and kneels to apologize.

Wei Wuxian is like “dude, I’m so over it” and tries to get him to stand back up. When he won’t, Wei Wuxian kneels down too.

This is a gesture so important and powerful that he does it from two different camera angles, for emphasis. 

It’s interesting, when you watch a mix of CDrama genres like I do, to see how kneeling is so often a huge deal in Wuxia, Xianxia, and whatever genre Dao Mu Bi Ji and Guardian are (Sci-fi? Fantasy? Ghostpunk? Gravepunk?), and then to watch a palace drama where non-emperor people spend endless time on their knees without appearing to have any feelings about it at all.  I’m not saying these things are in conflict; kneeling is governed by a bunch of hierarchical stuff and in a palace drama, the hierarchy is all-pervasive, whereas in a Wuxia, it’s more nuanced. 

Here, Wen Ning kneels to apologize to Wei Wuxian for killing his family member. Wei Wuxian, however, has come to a different understanding of that death; as Wen Qing told him long ago, Wen Ning is a knife. Wei Wuxian is the knife’s creator and wielder, which makes Wen Ning’s violence Wei Wuxian’s responsibility. By kneeling himself, he forces Wen Ning to get up and to start moving past that event.

Next, Wei Wuxian wants to cut Wen Ning’s chains off, but he needs a spiritual sword to do it so he plans to borrow Bichen. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, though, Lan Wangji appears, still drunk, and now also jealous.

Wen Ning wisely makes himself scarce, after a few obvious “scram” gestures from Wei Wuxian.

Shenanigans

After Wen Ning leaves, Wei Wuxian attempts to guide Lan Wangji back to their inn, and manages to get lost in this town with exactly four shooting locations, if you count the Inn’s dining room and bedroom as two locations.

Lan Wangji enjoys being lost and immediately gets busy stealing and tagging. 

First, he steals a couple of chickens and gifts them to Wei Wuxian. 

Much has been made of the “betrothal gift” aspect of this chicken situation, but I’m more interested in the “penis slang” aspect of the scene. 

So, in English, the word “cock” can mean a male chicken, a.k.a. a rooster, and is also popular slang for a penis, as anyone ctrl-F’ing an AO3 page to get to the spicy bits knows. 

Naturally this made me curious if the same association exists in Chinese. I’m not any kind of Chinese speaker, but Google Translate tells me that 雞 (jī) means “chicken,” 公雞 (gōngjī) means “rooster” or “male chicken”, 母雞 (mǔ jī) means “hen” or “mother chicken.” 

...and 雞雞 (jī jī) means “dick.”  

Google image search confirms that this isn’t some other type of “dick,” either. So, with that in mind...let’s look at what happens in the scene. 

1. Lan Wangji gives Wei Wuxian one chicken.  Wei Wuxian is confused. Lan Wangji gives him a second chicken.

2. Lan Wangji asks Wei Wuxian to evaluate his chicken(s), asking is it “肥‘ (féi), which Viki subtitles as “fat” but google translate tells me can also mean “fertile.”

3. Wei Wuxian says it’s fat and pets it, then gives it a thumbs up.

4. Lan Wangji wanders off while Wei Wuxian speculatively knocks their...chickens together..

Given that Chinese and wordplay go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong, I’m going to go out on a limb and say I think there is possibly some sexual subtext hidden in this scene. 

Sword Grafitti

Next, Drunkji decides to carve his name on a post, so that everyone will know he’s a chicken thief, I guess.  Wei Wuxian reflects on how Lan Wangj, due to his repressed upbringing, is an even crazier drunk than Wei Wuxian is. 

Book and/or Manhua readers are aware that these mild on-screen antics are not nearly the extent of their uncensored drunken craziness. Tags include: hand jobs, biting, pinching, dubious consent, improper use of the gusu lan forehead ribbon, under-negotiated everything, major injury to a bathtub. 

Lan Wangji spends some time looking at Wei Wuxian’s suprasternal notch, and eventually allows himself to be dragged away from the farmyard.

Wei Wuxian puts his Lil-Apple dragging experience to good use here. 

Having convinced Lan Wangji to stop vandalizing things, Wei Wuxian’s natural sense of mischief instantly recovers, and he runs back to carve his own name in the post next to Lan Wangji’s.

He also takes the opportunity to try out Lan Wangji’s signature move: cuddling his beloved under the guise of keeping him from falling over, while gazing at him yearningly.

Drunken Master

Back at the Inn, Drunkji looks at Wei Wuxian with 100% bedroom eyes, but unfortunately Su She in a mask has shown up to cockblock him. 

Lan Wangji promptly sobers up the swordfighting part of his brain so he can bust a move. 

Not for the first time in this show, we’re treated to a fight scene with beautifully executed fight choreography paired with weird camera framing and rapid, choppy editing.

Wei Wuxian stands back and carefully watches the swordfighting, analyzing the fight moves to try to figure out the identity of the masked dude. Then he throws a talisman at him to chain him up. 

Fanfic writers, I feel like I should have read more stories featuring this particular talisman.

Anyway, with the virtue of hindsight, we know that this masked dude is ex-Gusu-Lan weasel Su She. How did Su She ever get to be such a strong cultivator? He holds his own in a sword fight with Hanguang-Jun, breaks a Yiling Laozu binding talisman, and teleports.

He still sucks, given that he’s not able to hang on to one little bag of corpse parts, but he’s definitely not the guy who couldn’t get his sword out of the lack back in their Gusu days. Maybe he’s getting regular doses of qi from Jin Guangyao, if you know what I mean. 

Oh He May Get Weary

After the remarkably proficient fighting, Lan Wangji goes right back to being extremely drunk, so much so that he briefly irritates Wei Wuxian with how bad he is at drinking.

But the dynamic shifts very quickly as Wei Wuxian sees Lan Wangji’s vulnerability, and allows himself to treat him with tenderness.

It's not just sentimental no, no, no She has her grief and care, yeah, yeah, yeah But the soft words they are spoke so gentle, yeah It makes it easier, easier to bear, yeah

We’re seeing a new side of Wei Wuxian in these moments. We have seen his devotion, his easy affection and his playfulness with his friends and loved ones. But tenderness is something he’s mainly reserved for Jiang Yanli.

Of course, he quickly moves along to mischief, asking Lan Wangji a series of questions about rulebreaking and rabbits. (Gifsets here and here)

Then he moves along to the serious question that’s been on his mind since their reunion: why are you helping me? In Wei Wuxian’s mind, he and Lan Wangji parted as enemies or perhaps frenemies; certainly not as allies. He doesn’t know about Lan Wangji’s grief or his true thoughts.

Lan Wangji gives him a serious answer, that he’s totally not prepared for: Lan Wangji regrets not being by Wei Wuxian’s side in the final battle.

Hearing this, Wei Wuxian comes a little unglued; he’s felt himself to be all alone, even while traveling together with Lan Wangji, and hearing that Lan Wangji has held him in his mind, possibly even in his heart, is overwhelming for him.

Wei Wuxian tries to tell him that he shouldn’t feel responsible for Wei Wuxian’s choices, but Lan Wangji refuses to acknowledge what he’s said, and drunkenly toddles off to bed.

Soundtrack: 1. Old Friends by Simon and Garfunkel 2. We Go Together, from Grease 3. Try a Little Tenderness by Otis Redding (but the version that is in my head forever is by that drunk Irish dude in The Committments, thanks VH1 circa 1991)

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

What if I told you that Izzy's entire character arc is actually a metaphor for OFMD itself, as a show, and its journey.

The way Izzy started out as this weird, conventionally unpalatable character that didn't seem to amount to much from the first glance, yet unexpectedly ended up gathering a small yet substantial fanbase around him that recognised his potential from the start and was so unprecedently feral, vocal and dedicated that it became a sort of fanbase within a fanbase.

The way Izzy had such an incredible, amazing arc of character growth that even his worst haters were forced to acknowledge the importance of his character and his place in the story and appreciate Con’s talent as an actor.

The way Izzy went from “subtextually queer” (as in all of us knew of course but it was still subtle enough make a lot of the fans confidently claim he was straight…) to openly and proudly queer with one single scene after which no one could deny it anymore.

The way Izzy kept getting beaten down yet surviving against all odds. Literally having body parts repeatedly slashed off, and not only did this not kill him, the crew collectively used their creativity and good will to take something “damaged” and turn it into something beautiful (yes this is about the budget).

The way Izzy had always known that pirate life was unlikely to last long or end the way he wanted to because, in the end, they’d always be outsiders fighting the system (“The only retirement we get is death”, “It’s not about getting what you want”), but he accepted it and focused on the good parts, the things that really mattered to him and made him happy (“Not moving on is worse”; his speech about the crew as his family).

The way Izzy did die, in the end. Even though he didn't have to, even though it could have been avoided, and the justifications we were given fell short when all of the nuances and other angles were taken into account. Because the inevitable force of the narrative was stronger than him. Because characters like him were typically destined to die in stories like that.

But just because he died doesn't mean his story had been for nothing. He still got to live – against all odds, against his own expectations. He got to be reborn and experience this beautiful transformation, rediscover himself, find peace and happiness and people who loved him, and love them in return. Yes, it was short. So short. He should have had more time. But the little time he did have is unforgettable. It really is written in permanent ink. It will always have been, and nothing can take it away now. The crew mourned him and made him a beautiful monument. They refused to throw his body away into the sea. His body would continue nourishing their garden forever. They will move on, but they’ll never forget him. They’ll keep tending to his grave and planting flowers around it.

And the very last shot was that of seagull!Buttons landing on the grave. A little touch of magic. We don't know what it means. Izzy definitely seemed totally, irrevocably, unambiguously dead. The show itself told us so. And yet. You never know. The world's a strange place. Every once in a while the impossible does happen, and a man’s undying devotion and longing for the sea overpowers the mundane reality around him.

[a-song-of-art-and-fire]

The Kingslaying

"The Kingslayer. The false knight who profaned his blade with the blood of the king he had sworn to defend."

A rather gruesome little diorama for this, our spookiest of months! I've said before how much I love all things Robert's Rebellion, and Jaime's kingslaying is right up there. I think it's a fantastic aspect of GRRM's writing that we're told outright at his first appearance that he's "the kingslayer", and write that off as 'well he must just be sneaky and treacherous as all Lannisters are", and it's only two books later you learn he had complex, nuanced, straight-up heroic reasons for doing it. The heady mix of seige, betrayal, potential patricide, actual regicide, and mass human sacrifice to achieve twisted apotheosis into draconic godhead... it feels like 6 different Greek tragedies crashed headlong into one another, and seeing it all though a haze of steam, hormones, and septic delirium is just... *chefs kiss*.

This diorama was actually pretty thrown together compared to my usual standards. My ASOIAF minis are from a war game, so they need to come up with a lot of distinct units for multiple armies, and the books being pretty low fantasy only really give "late medieval man-at-arms" or "conscripted peasant levy". As such, you get some fairly weird and wonderful units, such as every Baratheon soldier having Robert-style warhammers, or in this case a whole unit in Jaime's lion helmet. For me, this translates to a lot of alternative Jaimes.

I am a bit phobic with Jaime, as I once had to swap his hands very last minute, luckily here he's young and straightforwardly right handed. I don't think the close up is at quite the right angle, but you can see his green eyes under the visor, I'm pretty happy that they look quite frightened/panicked. I added the cloak as well, got to have that iconic "It was that white cloak that soiled me, not the other way around" vibe. This is also the first time I've given him his oft-mentioned gilded sword, I love the blood on it forming the Lannister colours.

Talking of the blood... yes, it's a lot. In my defence, it's actually semi transparent in a way that doesn't show well in photos, but does make it marginally less intense. I also know Jaime actually pulled Aerys up and slit his throat, but I had a hard enough time posing these figures, i thought that would be beyond me. I also like the literal nature of stabbing him in the back, and Mark Addy's delivery of "What of Aerys Targaryen? What did the Mad King say when you stabbed him in the back" is burned into my memory.

Aerys himself is a random wizard miniature I had kicking about, I had to do quite a bit of resculpting to get him right. He has the scabs on his hand, but the Howard Hughes fingernails were beyond my sculpting skills. I made the falling crown myself, again, seven tiny dragons felt a bit ambitious.

[toytle]

Hi! I love your art style it's like. Breathtaking. And your hcs on barry are some of my favourites of all time?

What do you think of "The Ballad of Barry Allen by Jim's Big Ego as an analysis of Barry's character?

are you asking or are you telling me 🤨 lol THANK YOU i put all my headcanon power into him <3

for the ballad, i love their song stress, and this isn’t bad at all as far as fansongs go. but there’s a reason i don’t include it in my barry playlist, and it’s ultimately bc it doesn’t fit my narrative haha

the song was made in 2003 and i haven’t read many comics before then, so idk how well it aligns w barry’s characterization prior to flashpoint, but i’m basing my playlist off post-flashpoint, so that’s where a lot of the differences will lie

for starters, the song only includes one half of barry’s relationship to his superspeed, and it’s important to me that a barry interpretation includes both sides of that coin. instead, it’s playing on the idea of the dark side of the hero fantasy, an inherently optimistic genre. which, fair, being a superhero sounds like a nightmare, but that angle is less novel to me when that’s the extent of the analysis (and i’m a little over the whole “i hate being a superhero” storyline in general, personally). the song is basically abt how much it would suck to have superspeed bc the world slows to a crawl and you’re left behind bc no one else can keep up w you. and it’s true, that is a very real setback! especially for someone like barry who’s already prone to self-isolation and time management issues! but what does the song actually have to say abt him as a character?

the thing is, barry isn’t a “i wish i wasn’t a hero” kind of guy. he’s a “could i be so strong [to give up the flash]? or do i love the thrill of these powers too much?” kind of guy. he’s a “knowing what i know now… if i could go back in time… maybe i would’ve been somewhere else the day lightning struck my lab and electrified those chemicals, ready and willing to forfeit a life of dodging deathtraps and battling villains… who am i kidding? there’s no going back. no do-overs. like everyone else, superheroes can only follow the path destiny has laid out for them, whatever lies ahead.” kind of guy. yes, barry is caged by his superspeed, but it would be misleading to not present it first and foremost as the very thing that frees him. it’s a double-edged sword that gives him purpose, and that freedom in obligation is what motivates him to keep going. as a wise man once said, “all you can do is go forward.” (“thanks.” “superman is pretty smart isn’t he.” “hm.”)

i think the real kicker for me was this lyric: “i’ve got time to think about the past… how my life was so exciting before i got this way.” my sincerest apologies to mr. allen, but he does not feel complete to me without his mother’s death or his father’s false imprisonment. this backstory contextualizes everything for me. his life was NOT exciting before his superspeed, it was lonely and full of escapism, either in his sci-fi/comics or his dedication to finding justice. i am of the belief that barry didn’t truly start living until he got his superspeed, over 2 decades of waiting around before he rly understood freedom and what it meant to live for himself. i get what they’re trying to do here, but this is what i mean when i say it feels like the song characterizes barry around the concept of his speed rather than how barry’s speed defines him as a person

ik i can’t expect a 4min song to include every aspect of a character’s timeline/development/nuance (esp before some of that even existed lol), but my issue isn’t that it doesn’t cover enough ground—it’s not bad that they had a theme and stuck by it, i actually love the lyrics from a speedster perspective. my issue is that i don’t think this is a good framing for barry’s character as a whole. for all his regrets and suffering, barry is optimistic to the point of denial. choosing this to be The theme to represent barry just. doesn’t feel like barry to me. it’s more like barry is the placeholder subject as an excuse to sing abt superspeed

if this was somehow less overtly a “BARRY ALLEN FANSONG” and maybe more metaphorical or even non-fandom, then it would be a dif situation and i might have dif opinions. at the end of the day, this has more to do w my pickiness than the quality of the song, and the fact that it even exists is so exciting for me as a barry allen enjoyer first, human second. but if you’re going to call smth a character study, i Will be getting my hopes up

[love-triangles-au]

bill is giving bottom energy and i hope i am right

Oh, you're right, alright :)

Well, kinda. It's complicated. In this essay, I will

(Gonna mainly use the terms "top" and "bottom" more as surrogates for "dom" and "sub" here as that's kinda what I assume anon means; but powerbottom Bill is extremely real too)

If you asked him he'd tell you that he's always in charge, really, no matter what it may look like. That was his thing before he met Venuz -- no issues bottoming as long as he knows he's ultimately the dominant partner who holds the power. He'd play the subbiest sub to ever sub if it was for the sake of manipulating somebody.

However, with the acquisition of his mortal body, he'd gotten a lot more...well, sensitive. When he was a being of pure energy he could fine-tune everything he felt, make his body react exactly how he wanted it to, but now? No control!

That's frankly part of what first drew him to Venuz in the beginning -- very mortal urges. He hadn't felt pure, physical attraction in a very long while, had turned those instincts off and only had sex when he wanted to, the same way one would decide "y'know, I think I'll play Wii Sports today". Arousal used to be a choice for him, a fun game like anything else, and now it wasn't.

Sure, Venuz wasn't of the same species, but he was close enough to trick his biology! Flatlanders* are very good at making out nuances in geometry the same way we are with faces, and one of the most attractive things to them is symmetry. Well, Venuz was symmetrical in a way only a god could be. His color was even and clean, his eye bright, his limbs strong and muscular...a very attractive triangle by Flatland standards.

Of course there was strategy to it, seduction was his best bet in getting what he wanted, and if you asked Bill that is what he would tell you -- it was all part of the plan.

With that being said, he was fully aware of the power of sex -- it was what he was planning to take advantage of, after all -- but he'd failed to recognize that it was something he might be susceptible to, as well, now that he was a mortal. And really, at first, he didn't even entirely recognize it happening, both from a lack of experience and his advanced abilities of cognitive dissonance. So, he was taken quite off-guard by just how much a simple look from the Gun God could get those long-dormant gears turning on overdrive.

As a result, their first time wasn't nearly as...calculated or dignified as he had hoped. Frankly, the second Venuz touched him he couldn't really think anymore, and he enjoyed his place on the bottom a little more than he was happy with.

Bill had gotten arguably just as much out of the act as Venuz had, and that was NOT the plan. Thankfully, he could lie to himself enough about it to where it wasn't a problem. The way Bill's gaze would trace those perfectly sixty degree angles? It was part of the plan, Venuz liked it! The way his whole body would quiver when Venuz would brush his fingers along his edges? Method acting, he was just too convincing! The way he'd drag his sharp little claws down Venuz's back in the throes of passion, leaving stinging red lines in their wake? Well, uh...Venuz didn't seem to mind, so...sure, that's probably strategy.

As things went on, however, and Bill became more comfortable with Venuz, more willing to be vulnerable, he started to mind less and less about it. Bill loves sensory overload, that's basically his whole personality, and inevitably that meant his mortal body being reduced to a trembling, boneless mass on the bed by the end of the night. So, really, being the bottom and letting Venuz take control is very enjoyable for him when he's able to get over himself.

With that being said, it's something very hard for him to admit when he's got such a massive ego. Sometimes it can call the shots beforehand and demand a role reversal, but Venuz is very willing to be beneath his sexy demon boyfriend, so it all works out either way.

Frankly, though, I'd say you're right, anon -- he is more suited to a bottom. Not only for the reasons above, but also for the much sappier reason that he feels comfort in knowing his lover is strong, maybe even stronger than him. He's always anxious about losing Venuz, so anything that can reassure him that the Gun God is this all-powerful, larger-than-life deity fulfills something very deep within him, even when it's in such a lewd setting.

But, TL;DR, he's a switch who thinks he's a dom, in denial of his submissive side. But, Venuz'll help him come to terms with it, don't you worry :)

*Note that Flatland is meant as a placeholder for Bill's home dimension; it's not exactly Flatland

~ Mod Emily 🦇