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littlegiantposts · 4 years

Text

movie night

pairing: todoroki x f!reader

warning: strong language probably. possible anime/manga spoilers! grammar mistakes :( I suck at writing

summary: It’s not that Y/n didn’t want friends, it’s just people always found her intimidating

a/n: this is completely self-indulgent lol sorry about that, so like yeah I’m gonna be saying y/n, but also i am deriving her personality, attitude, looks from a character that I’ve sort of made up in my head haha. also idk if this is like a headcanon, imagine, or like a scenaro....so sorry. And like, sort of a side note, I love making main characters that are like sorta op so y/n’s quirk and story is sorta insane, but you guys dont really have to worry about it too much because its not really in this so....yeah, i guess its just some context. I wrote this while listening to a playlist I made, titled, “ur a badass hero with class 1-a” on spotify so if ppl wanna hear it, I will post a link to it lol. OH and class 1-a are in their second year! That’s a lot, sorry! But, I hope you enjoy!

y/n’s quirk (if ur curious): controlling the 4 elements (aang from the last airbender vibe lmao); but she also got a companion named koda (think of Moro-no-kimi from Princess Mononoke for the look)

Y/n was never good at making friends. It’s not like she didn’t try, because she did. When she was a little kid, living on Catalina Island, she made a lot of attempts to make friends with fellow children in her pre-school and middle school. It just seemed that they wanted nothing to do with her, talking bad about her behind her back or acting as if she just didn’t exist.

It started to get exhausting for Y/n to keep trying and ending up always failing. So, when enrolling in the top hero school, UA, Y/n thought that maybe, just maybe, things would be different.

Nonetheless, it’s not like she had absolutely no one. She had Koda! Her best friend in the whole wide world, well her only friend, which was her pet wolf. However, Koda doesn’t like being called a “pet”, let’s stick with her companion. They are quite the inseparable duo.

Y/n looked down at Koda from her desk who was lulling herself to sleep on the floor as Present Mic was teaching an English lesson. Y/n wished she too can sleep at this moment, “It wouldn’t hurt if I just closed my eyes for just a couple minutes.” Y/n thought. Oh, she was wrong though.

“Alright! We are going take a short break since we need to get our new textbooks,” Present Mic’s voice rang through her ears with all his elongation and passion, “Y/n and Todoroki! What about you two go get the books from the library!” Y/n would have jolted at the mention of her face, but she was honestly too tired to do so.

She nodded her head, got up from her desk, and looked at Koda if he was going to follow her. Of course, he perked up at the mention of her name and was going with her. A small smile was now on Y/n’s lips. Y/n was glad that she knew she can depend on Koda, always in her corner.

As she pushed her chair away from her desk, getting up and walking towards the door, she didn’t realize that most of the class was either looking at her or the half and half boy, for he had to endure the trip with the enigma that is Y/n.

The class just doesn’t know Y/n that well. She was one of the new students this year, along with Shinso. However, they at least knew of Shinso from last year. Y/n was a brand-spanking new addition to the class. Not to mention, her introduction to the class was nothing short of intimidating.

Aizawa knew Y/n had a lot of strengths. In fact, he used her skills as a type of learning lesson for the class. Not to mention, he completely singled her out during the “lesson” as he instructed the class that Y/n will have a bell that is tied around her belt. All they had to do was get the bell. Y/n, being the competitive person she was, didn’t back down at this challenge. Safe to say, no one was able to get the bell that day.

Y/n sighed at the memory. “Maybe, if you had some chill, you would be able to get a friend, Y/n” a voice in her head said, causing Y/n’s shoulders to shrink and her hands to be stuffed into her pockets. (Yes, she has pockets with her uniform. Yes, she’s still wearing the school uniform skirt. She sowed pockets into them for this very habit.)

“Uh, hey wait up.” a deeper voice called, already identifying who it is.

Y/n turned to right, looking at Koda for a brief second. From far away, one would think he was just grimacing, but as Y/n was closer, she can see he was very close to full-on growling at the sound of his voice.

Koda doesn’t really like Todoroki and Y/n always found it funny. Koda found everyone else real entertaining. As much as Koda was a wolf, he really was a people’s person. If Y/n didn’t know any better, it seemed Koda had a better relationship with her classmates than she actually did.

Y/n adopted a tired smile as she reacted to Koda’s growling at Shoto. She then looked behind her, seeing Todoroki jog lightly towards her. Her small smile soon faded away.

“Even if you try again to be a friend, you know that people will always end up fearing you.” Y/n honestly wanted to bang her head against a wall because this annoying voice was truly the bane of her existence.

Y/n stopped in her tracks. Koda made eye-contact with her, almost telepathically asking her, “Why are you stopping for him?!”.

“I may be aloof, but I have to at least be polite.” Y/n told her wolf companion. Koda only let out a breathe of frustration as he also stopped as well.

Todoroki soon caught up to the duo and was on Y/n’s left side. And the three began their trek to the school library.

There was some silence.

For Todoroki, it was so awkward. “Why don’t you say something to her?” he asks himself, “Or are you going to let another opportunity slip?”

You see, Shoto Todoroki admired Y/n. She was incredibly skilled with her quirk. She was confident, but not arrogant. She was an innovator, while still accepting old principles. She was naturally smart, but always open to learning. To him, she was so balanced. He couldn’t help himself as the admiration started to soon feel like a crush on the dark haired girl.

For Y/n, she didn’t think anything of the silence. In fact, she was grateful for the silence. More silence, means less time for talking. Less chance of Y/n making a fool out of herself.

“You seem more tired than usual. Trained a lot yesterday, I presume?” And Todoroki broke the silence that Y/n was trying to insist.

“Yeah, trying out a new technique with my water.”

Y/n was surprised.

She really could have been more blunt with her answer.

Theoretically, all she really had to respond with was a “yeah”, but she decided to add that last part.

Why? Why did she feel inclined to go into more detail? Now, Y/n was confused.

“That’s cool.” Todoroki wanted to hit himself in the head. “That’s all you got to say? What a conversation this is” Shoto mentally sighs. He feels like his heart is going to burst at how fast its going.

“I’m actually trying to freeze it, but that turns out to be harder than expected,” Y/n almost slapped her hand on her mouth.

Why is she going into more detail? This doesn’t make sense. She’s been quite blunt lately when people try to talk to her, so what gives?

Is it Todoroki, himself? “Maybe he put a spell on me or something.” Y/n didn’t think the “icy-hot bastard” would dabble in witchcraft, but things were just not adding up in Y/n’s mind. All these thoughts woke Y/n right up, ridding herself of her tiredness.

As for Todoroki, his mind was going into overdrive. “She’s having trouble with freezing water? She must know that this is my specialty. Is this her way of spending time with me? Does this mean the feelings I have for her are mutual? Perhaps, we can train together and I can help her with freezing.” The mere thought of spending time with Y/n outside of class made his cheeks warm up.

He was an absolute love-struck fool for Y/n.

“Oh, we’re here.” Y/n stated the obvious as they stand in front of the school’s library, halting Shoto’s mental mumbling, which almost resembled one of Midoryia’s ever-present babbling.

Shoto Todoroki immediately shot his arm forward to open the door for Y/n, but Y/n was thinking the same thing and they reached for the same handle.

Their hands touch.

And Todoroki thinks he can die happy now. Y/n’s hand is so soft. Much to his dismay, Y/n immediately drew her hand back as if his hand was scalding hot water.

Y/n mumbled a quick “sorry” and places her hand on the other handle as there are two doors to the library, she opens it and immediately walks through it as Koda follows in tow. Koda dawns an absolute confused look as he didn’t know what the hell that interaction was about.

The actual task of getting the books aren’t that hard. In fact, it was an easy and quick task.

So, why is this causing Y/n’s mind and heart feeling like they are overheating.

As they walk back to the classroom with stacks of textbooks, Y/n thought, “Okay, there’s no way in hell that he will try to talk to me again, especially after that awkward incident. Now, let’s breakdown why the actual hell you acted that way, Y/n.” She mentally scolded herself like she was a child.

Todoroki, as always, had a different plan and decided to continue the conversation, “You know, if you need help with freezing water, I can always help you since that is part of my quirk.”

Y/n has officially short-circuited.

He is voluntarily asking? Voluntarily. Asking?

Asking if Y/n wanted to train together?

This has never happened before, and she doesn’t know how to respond. “I would like that. I typically train in the morning and sometimes after school” is what Y/n felt like saying. It is as if her mind and mouth were working against each other.

However, Y/n’s thoughts were cut short as she heard the chatter of some of her fellow classmates. They three of them were very close to their classroom as their door to the room was wide open.

“Hey guys, if we’re having a movie night tonight, do you think we should invite Y/n?”

It was Midoryia who asked the question. Y/n, Shoto, and Koda stopped dead in their tracks at the mention of her name. Shoto and Koda looked at Y/n with a worried expression. For her own good, she probably shouldn’t be listening, but she couldn’t help but be curious of her classmates’ plan in regards to her.

“It’s not that we don’t want her there. It’s just that, who is up for asking her?”

Silence. No one responded to the question.

Koda notices how Y/n’s grip on the textbooks tightened. Shoto noticed how your head was now titled downward, hiding your face.

“She’s just so intimidating. And not to mention that training exercise we did when we first met her. She’s sort of scary, to be honest.”

“Scary. You’re scary, Y/n. Terrifying.” She couldn’t help but repeat her classmates’ thought of her. She was just torturing herself at this point. No point in dwelling on first impressions, but as this is affecting her current relationship, or lack thereof, with her classmates, she couldn’t help it.

“Y/n-” Todoroki tries to interject before Y/n gets the wrong idea.

But, it’s too late.

“No, it’s fine. Thanks for the offer though, Todoroki.” Y/n’s words were slow. As much as her brain was going a million miles per hour, her mouth was evidently slower as her breathing was heavier.

She wanted to disappear, or at least get swallowed by the ground. She kept her head down as she strode into the classroom. Her classmates being oblivious to Y/n’s knowledge of what they truly think of her, paying no attention to her.

Shoto was basically frozen in place, next to the door, but he gained composure and walked in the class as well, a couple seconds after. Y/n quickly placed her books on the front desk where Present Mic sat behind of, she sat back in her seat that was in the back of the class.

Y/n watched how Shoto was still standing in front of the classroom as he was stopped by his classmates. Now, they were just chatting, probably talking about the upcoming movie night.

Y/n felt jealousy bubble up inside her. She wished she can chat like how Shoto was effortlessly talking away to his classmates. Or how Midoryia stopped him with such ease to talk about a social event.

Y/n yearned for some friendly interaction. That’s what she wanted when coming to UA.

She wanted to be normal. As normal as she could be. A normal teenager.

“Things don’t always go according to plan, huh?” Y/n pouted and placed her head on her desk and just waited patiently till the school day was over.

Koda worriedly looked at Y/n. “She’s going to want to train after this. And I bet she’s going to push herself harder because of today.” Koda knew Y/n very well. Knew her like the back of his hand, well, paw.

And, Koda was right. Y/n was in gym gamma, completely exhausted. Sweat covered her body as her muscles were screaming at her take a break. Her labored breathe continued as her body was trying its best to keep up.

Y/n was frustrated. “Why? Why am I like this?” she kept repeating like a mantra.

“I want to be normal. Why can’t I be like them?”

“Why?”

“You’re a monster. It’s actually quite simple.”

Y/n threw a punch with her fist encased in water, and it wasn’t until after that punch was thrown, she realized that there was now an evident hole in the thick, solid concrete wall.

Y/n fell to her knees. Koda hurriedly made his way to her, making sure she didn’t do anything too stupid. Once Koda was close, she was doing something unexpected.

She was crying.

Hot streams, cascading down her face. She started to hiccup, her breathing erratic. “A-am I scary to you, Koda?” her voice was so small.

Koda nudged his way in between her legs and nestled his head into her neck. Y/n, full on sobbing now, wraps her arms around Koda and her cries are muffled by his fur. Wailing and self-deprecating questions can be faintly heard from her if anyone were to enter the gym.

A couple minutes passed. Y/n’a breathing returned to a calm rhythm.

“Thanks, Koda. I needed that,” Y/n sniffles, “C’mon let’s go make dinner, I’ll whip you up something special for putting up with me today.” Koda’s tail immediately began to wag at the thought of Y/n’s cooking.

Y/n was an independent person. She likes doing things on her own as much as can. She doesn’t eat the food from the school cafeteria, instead, she opts for making her and Koda’s meals from the kitchen that is provided to them in their dormitory. And indeed, she made a delicious dinner for both of them.

Now, the hard part. Because of how long her training took, showering, and making dinner, Y/n knew that her classmates were in the common space already, probably preparing to have their movie night. And, she had to pass them. It was a short distance, short walk, Y/n was trying to reassure herself. Just walk straight towards to the elevator and you’re safe.

Y/n takes a deep breathe and walks out of the kitchen. The chatter of her classmates emerges to her ears, but as she walks towards the elevator, the chatter dies down.

“Oh no.” Y/n’s eyes widened in fear. “Way to go on ruining the mood, Y/n.”

Thankfully, the elevator was quick and the doors slide open, making an easy escape for Y/n and Koda. She let out a breathe she didn’t even realize she was holding in as the doors slid shut. Y/n looks at Koda, who was already looking at her, “It’s better this way, anyway” Y/n didn’t know if she was telling Koda that, or herself.

On the other side of the elevator’s doors, her classmates collectively let out a sigh, “Well that was another chance we wasted.” Kaminari was the first to break the awkward silence.

“Tch. Like any of you have the guts to actually ask her.” Bakugo chimed in.

“Oh please, Bakugo, I know she intimidates you, too.” Mina fired back.

“Whatever.”

“She heard you guys.” Todoroki suddenly talked. Everyone casted their attention to him, “Earlier today, I mean. She heard you guys when you were talking about inviting her to movie night.”

The once light-hearted atmosphere in the room was now tilted with guilt.

“She heard all that?” Midoryia incredulously asked, only imagining what you would be feeling because of their words.

“She must feel terrible.” Ochaco openly voiced her thoughts.

“She probably hates us.” Kirishima adds in.

“She means well, I promise. I think we just need to give her a chance.” Todoroki tries to reason with his classmates.

“First, we need to apologize.” Midoryia proposes as he looks among his classmates. His classmates collectively nod their heads in agreement

“You’re right. Well, good luck Midoryia.” Kaminari pats his back as encouragement. Everyone else either gives an encouraging smile or a thumbs up.

“Ha?! What?! You guys already decided that I’m going to be the one to apologize?” Izuku was flailing his arm around and was checking everyone else’s reaction.

“Well, yes. It’s your idea and you are one of the most apologetic people here.” Iida explained to an overthinking Midoryia.

After regaining composure, he realized that this was probably the best option, “Okay, I’ll, I’ll go now.”

Midoryia makes his way to Y/n’s dorm room. He was nervous. He only had very limited interactions with Y/n. So, he really didn’t know what to expect. Before he knew it, he was before your door.

On the other side, Y/n was chowing down on her food. She took a swig of her water, “So, how’s the food? I tried a new technique on roasting the veggies.” Y/n babbled on for a bit, but she realized that Koda’s plate was hardly touched. Her gaze landed on Koda who was sitting on her bed with a very obvious frown, staring at the door. Y/n immediately knew why.

“Hey, if you wanna go hangout with them, I can push the buttons on the elevator for you-”

Koda was irritated at how difficult Y/n was being, she can just ask them if she can join. It was simple. Koda used his mouth to latch on to Y/n’s sleeve and started to drag her to her dorm’s door.

“H-hey Koda! Not cool, man! You know, I can’t go down there.” Y/n tugs her sleeve away from Koda.

Koda turned to his last resort. He did his signature pout.

“Oh, please. You know that stopped working on me awhile ago. Besides, we can have our own movie night, right?” Y/n tried to reason, but her reasoning just felt sad.

Before Y/n could step away from her dorm’s door, she heard a knock. The two quickly tuned their heads at the door as if something miraculous just happened.

Y/n took one step toward the door.

“It’s Midoryia.” Koda began to wag his tail, “don’t get your hopes up too quickly.”

Y/n opened the door only a slit for her head to poke out, “Oh, hi Midoryia. Is something wrong?” she asks.

“U-um, no nothings wrong.” he responds as nerves start to take over and he doesn’t continue on.

“Okay.” With that, Y/n closed her door. Koda wanted to scratch his eyes out. This was her chance! For someone who was the top student in her class, she was so stupid. “He didn’t want anything. Sorry to disappoint, Koda-” another knock interrupted her.

She looked at the door, “It’s still Midoryia.” Koda rolled his eyes.

Y/n went to to open the door, again, only opening a bit, “Yes, Midoryia? You sure something isn’t wrong?”

“Uh, well I was wondering if we can talk for a bit.”

“Oh, yeah sure.” Y/n stepped out of her door, and shutting it.

However, Koda was right on her trail, but was shut out by the now closed door. He pouts at the door. And how holds his ear to the door, interested in the conversation that has yet to come.

“So, what’s up?” Y/n asked the green-haired boy.

“I, we, as a class, wanted to apologize for our words today.” Midoryia spoke in a remorseful and quiet tone.

Y/n was taken back. “So, they know that I heard what they were saying? Must have been Todoroki’s doing.”

“Look, it’s fine. I know I’m intimidating-“

“But it’s not fine. We shouldn’t have treated or talked about you that way.”

Y/n was stunned at his words. He took that as a sign to continue, “and we were hoping, if you’d be okay if we start over and become friends.”

Y/n remained cautious with her walls, “You know, friendship isn’t really a perquisite for this course.”

“Of course, I know that. We all do, but it doesn’t hurt to have them, right?”

Y/n felt like tearing up. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to put her trust in that last statement of his.

“I’ll be be down in 5 minutes,” Y/n stated rather blandly, but it didn’t matter to Midoryia.

“Great! See ya!” He waved and started to head back to the elevator, before he pressed the button, Y/n called him once more,

“Midoryia?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” and nods his head. He couldn’t be more thrilled that this will all work out.

As for Y/n, she opened her door to her dorm, and closing it as she stepped inside.

As soon as she was in the comfort of her own room, she broke into her happy dance. Her fists clenched, eyes shut, shoulders scrunched, jumping in the air, squeals make their way pass her lips, with the biggest smile on her face

Koda felt a wave of relief of wash over him. He was glad that she was finally experiencing acceptance.

After the moment passes, Y/n sighs and looks at Koda, ruffling his fur on the top of his head.

“Well, shall we?” Y/n said in an extravagant manner as she opened her door and bowed.

Koda, playing along, held his head high and strutted out. Y/n let out a light-hearted laugh and they made their way down, together.

Once Y/n actually made it to the common room, all of her classmates were looking at her, stopping their conversations as well. The confidence that Y/n help was long gone, feeling now awkward yet again.

However, the silence didn’t last too long as the class enveloped her in boisterous apologies, hugs, and pats on the back.

To say Y/n was overwhelmed was understatement. She had never been around these many people, giving attention towards her. It was new territory she had yet to cross.

“Guys, you should probably let her breathe.”

That was Todoroki. Y/n pried her eyes away from Mina who was asking what conditioner she uses, and looked at Shoto. Y/n mouthed a “thank you” and he simply nodded.

The class went back to their seats, muttering apologies again for getting in her personal space.

Now, Y/n faced yet another problem:

Where is she going to sit?!

She kept standing where she stood for a good couple seconds, scanning the area for any good spots.

However, there was actually only one spot open. And, it just happen to be next to Todoroki.

Y/n mentally prepared herself and started her path towards him. Of course, Shoto knew this. He was the one who made sure he saved a seat right next to him just for this occasion.

But things don’t always go according to plan, right?

Rightly so, right before Y/n could take the unaccompanied seat, Denki was coming back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn, plopping right down on the seat.

“Oh, hey Y/n! I’m glad you made it! You want some popcorn?”

“No, I’m good, thanks though.” Y/n was able to play it off as she chose to sit on the floor in front of the couch, which coincidentally was in front of the seat that Shoto resided.

Shoto was irritated. He wanted you to sit next to him. For crying out loud, that was the whole reason he had this seat open in the first place. All he does is sigh, catching Y/n’s attention.

Y/n turns back to Todoroki, sending a small smile his way, but then turning back to the screen as her fellow classmates were arguing on what to watch.

Y/n put her hand to her chest. This is weird. Why is her heart rate so high? She’s not usually like this. Maybe Todoroki did cast a spell on her.

Y/n couldn’t think about it too much as the movie began playing.

#bnha shoto #todoroki shoto #shoto todoroki x reader #midoriya izuku #mha x you #mha x reader #shoto todoroki x y/n #mha angst #bnha imagines

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classycadaver · 4 years

Text

A side blog for my main classycorpse. I'm posting any future art + writing here just cause I like making things difficult for myself. Anyways- heres a oneshot esc thing I wrote for a Post-Apocalypse esc au based around Fallout and Metro Exodus. I dont think I'll ever finish it but I was fairly proud of how the first chapter came out so I'm sharing it.

The original title for this work was "Pieces of The People We Love " and was going to follow the main plot of the founding of L'manburg up until it went boom, but through a Post Apocalyptic lense.

Reblogging is much appreciated and encouraged!

•○●○•

" Watch out for that branch. "

" What bra- OH FUCK!"

Wilbur snorts at the explosive cursing behind him, smirking as he stops and turns toward Tommy. The young teen was hunched over, rubbing at his face all the while letting out a litany of curses.

" Your just a grade a fuckin' comedian, aren't ya Wilbur? '' Tommy spats venomously, glaring up at his brother. Wilbur chuckles, a genuine smile splitting across his face as he rolls his eyes. " Do you think it's funny? Trying to blind your poor, helpless, younger brother in such dire times?" Tommy adds. Wilbur notes the red line that streaks across Tommy's nose and cheek, presumably where the branch had struck him; Wilbur shakes his head as his younger brother continues to air his grievances, rolling his eyes at Tommy's overreaction.

" Well, I did warn you. Not my fault you can't follow simple commands. '' Wilbur humms back in a matter-of-factly tone. " And good job with the big words Tommy, I didn't know your vocabulary had expanded so much. Techno would be proud. "

Wilbur is already turning around, walking further along the path the two were currently traversing. Tommy fumbles with himself, trying to think of a response as he hurries after Wilbur. Tommy has to lengthen his gate to match Wilburs pace, almost fast walking to keep up with the taller man.

" I- well-.... whatever, you're a jerk, I don't have to explain myself to you. " Tommy hisses, crossing his arms over his chest defensively. " Plus- dire isn't a big word. Anyone can say dire, bitch. " The blonde added hotly.

" Whatever you say, Tommy. " Wilbur chuckles, waving off his younger brother. Tommy gapes at him, taken aback at being dismissed so swiftly.

" Did you just wake up on the ' let's bully Tommy today' side of the bed this morning? Cause you're being a pretty big dick, Wil, not gonna lie. " Tommy grumbles, glaring holes into the back of Wilbur's head. Wil simply shrugs, letting out an exasperated noise that indicated he was clueless towards Tommy's accusations. " I have no idea what youre talking about,Toms. " Wilbur hums. " Someones just extra sensitive today it seems. "

Wilbur cackles when Tommy punches him in the side, a string of angry curses leaving the teens mouth. The punch had no real anger or malice behind it, but the younger boy's bony knuckles dug into Wilburs side almost painfully, leaving a sting where Tommy's fist had struck Wil's side. The taller of the two let's out a huff, a shaky, wheezing, laughter following it.

" This is older sibling abuse-!" Wilbur laughs. The darker haired man dodges another swing aimed toward his arm, he catches Tommy's fist in the air. Wilbur is quick to spin the agitated teenager away from him, snorting humorously as Tommy almost loses his footing. Tommy desperately tries to catch his balance less he falls head over heels into the dirt road.

" Fockin- What the hell do you call that, then?" Tommy yells back at Wilbur, gesturing to the open space around them. " 'Older Sibling abuse' my ass!" The blonde growls, throwing his hands in the air. Tommy stands his ground, arms crossed over his chest as he stares Wilbur down with narrowed eyes.

" I demand an apology. " Tommy practically growls in a haughty tone.

" A- you can't be serious?" Wilbur stops in his tracks, looking at Tommy with a exspression that screams 'your bullshiting me, right?'. " You started it!" Wilbur accuses, letting out an airy laugh of disbelief. " You want me to apologize for defending myself against such a brutal attack?"

Tommy's gaze seemingly hardens at Wilbur's words. His brow furrows and his mouth sets into a deep frown. Wilbur finds the look downright adorable. It sparks a small nostalgic memory for wilbur, reminding him of the earlier days with his brother- when Tommy used to pout whenever things didn't go his way. Although it seems like not much has changed over the years.

Wilbur lets out a long, drawn out sigh; a hand flies to his face, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he shakes his head. " Fine. " Wilbur knew that Tommy wouldn't let something as simple as this go so fast, it was best to just apologize and get it over with. Internally, Wilbur cheers himself on by being such a good older sibling.

" Tommy I'm sorry-" Tommy looks at Wilbur triumphantly, a smirk already replacing his frown. Wilbur suddenly narrows his eyes behind his glasses, " I'm sorry for defending myself against a rather vicious attack. " He finishes. Wilbur mirrors Tommy's fading smirk as he turns away, suddenly dismissing the teen with a simple wave of his hand. Still a totally honorable older sibling thing to do.

" Asshole!"

Wilbur snickers, shoving his hands into his pockets as he hears Tommy's encroaching footsteps.

" You think you're so-"

" About a mile up this road and We'll reach Essmpy." Wilbur interjects into Tommy's sentence, smiling softly as he watches his brother give him a death glare. There's a few beats of silence that pass between them, only the ambiance of nature filling in the gaps. The quietness seems to calm Tommy down considerably; the teen walking behind Wilbur in uncharacteristic silence. Wlibur cast a glance over his shoulder, observing Tommy with a mild sense of worry. Wil opens and closes his mouth, unable to find the words he's looking for. Eventually Wilbur lets it go, content with the silence.

But the quietness doesn't last long before Tommy begins to talk. " I'm not letting that go, by the way-you shit head. I'm holding that against you, until you actually apologize." The blonde declares, looking pointedly at Wilbur before looking away. Wilbur simply shrugs, deciding that there were worse fates than a brother's faux hatred.

A pregnant pause follows Tommys sentence, although Wilbur can tell the boy was attempting to put together another string of words. Wilbur walks patiently alongside Tommy, slowing his pace considerably." Do you think Techno will be there? Or.. or Phil?" Wilbur seems to be caught off guard by Tommy's question. The taller man's gate stutters as he tries to formulate a response. " Maybe? I don't know. '' Wilbur chokes out, furrowing his brow. " I mean-.. Techno was all the way up near Glay'seir. Doing college stuff and what not. So he's probably still up there, yea? I heard they were pretty well fortified, so Techs… okay, most likely. '' Wil blurts out, looking at the road ahead of them. His brown gaze flits over to Tommy, who had fallen back into a concerning quietness.

The blonde simply nodded his head, looking down at the beaten dirt path below his boots, subconsciously wringing his gloved hands. He quickly pushes down his anxieties, shoving his hands to his sides as he thinks of something funny- anything to get rid of the melancholy mood.

Tommy grunts when he smacks into Wilburs back, huffing agitatedly as he stumbles back a few feet, an insult already on the tip of his tongue. Before he can say a word, Wilbur whirls around, grabbing Tommy's hand as he starts to run the way they had just come.

Tommy barely has time to collect himself before he gets jerked backwards by the force of Wilburs hold on his hand. He nearly trips over his own feet in an attempt to keep up with Wilbur, the anxiety and fear building up in his chest making it even harder to focus on where he's running.

In another quick motion, they stop. Wilbur ducks past one of the shrubs lining the road, tugging Tommy in after him. Before he knows it, they're both sitting behind a tree, covered by the foliage surrounding them. Tommy scowls at the uncomfortable feeling of roots, sticks, and leaves beneath him; but he does not express his disdain for the area Wilbur chose to hide them in.

" What was it?" Tommy whispers, trying to peer past the tree trunk to get a glimpse of whatever Wil had seen. Tommy is immediately pulled back, a hand planted over his mouth as Wilbur shushed him. The blonde glares at Wilbur, scowling as he pushes Wils hand away from his face, grumbling angrily at his brother.

They wait in uncomfortable silence. Tommy listens intently for any sign of movement, but only hears the general ambiance of the forest. He lets out an exasperated sigh after what feels like ages of waiting, head thudding against the trunk of the tree before turning to Wilbur.

" Come on Wil, there's literally nothing out there-” Tommy's mouth snaps shut, body going completely rigid and eyes practically bulging from their sockets. Fear silences any words from escaping his mouth as he stares at the thing Wilbur had apparently seen earlier. He feels Wilbur tense next to him as the brunette moves into a crouched position, his hand clenching Tommy's hand almost painfully. Both of their eyes are trained onto the creature just a few trees away from them, its giant grey body could clearly be made out from between the greens and browns of the forest around them.

The lanky abomination has its flank toward them, its whip thin tail flicking back and forth as its large head hangs heavy between its bony shoulders, presumably sniffing the ground. Tommys breath catches in his throat when the creature's head suddenly snaps up; a high pitched, echoey cry leaves the animal's parted maw. The sound seeps directly into Tommys soul, his hand clenching Wilburs.

Wilbur glances back at Tommy taking his sights off of the creature for a moment. Tommy catches Wilburs eyes, fear very prominent in his blue gaze. Wil takes another quick look toward the creature before mouthing the words ‘ back to the road.’ at Tommy. The blonde furrows his brows in confusion. Back to the road? Surely that thing would hear them going through the underbrush? Was Wilbur nuts?

Tommys eyes widen when Wilbur shifts in place, yanking his hand from Tommy's. In a swift series of movements, Wilbur's arm is thrown back with a large object in hand- wait when did he get a rock? There's a loud crash as Wil throws the object; The rock tumbles through the foliage, effectively catching the creatures attention. It lets out a rumbling bark, immediately nose diving into the underbrush. Tommy scrambles against the bark of the tree, watching as Wilbur bolts from his spot besides him and quickly disappears past the tree trunk.

Tommy scrambles to follow Wilbur, tripping over his feet and the roots of the tree as he goes after Wil. Dread seeps into his stomach when a loud, ear piercing howl erupts from behind him. Tommy has his eyes set onto the back of Wilburs trench coat, focusing on his brother's back as his legs fly a mile a minute beneath him. His heart thunders in his chest, lungs burning as he sucks in quick gasps of air.

A crash and screech alerts them both that the Creature had caught on to their scent, the loud pounding of paws on the earth floor was enough to light a fire beneath Tommy's feet. He watches as Wilbur pushes past the barrier of foliage that encases the road they were traveling earlier- a spark of hope ignites in the boy's chest as he closes in on where Wilbur had disappeared. Tommy's mouth opens into a silent cry as he trips over a root or rock, sending his body barreling through the wall of leaves and out onto the road.

Tommy hits the ground hard, the impact forcefully knocking the wind from his lungs as he tumbles forwards. Tommy lets out a wheeze as he lays helplessly on the road, desperately gasping for air as he claws at the dirt beneath him, trying to make more distance between him and the creature.

A loud caterwaul fills the air, quickly followed by a near deafening screech. Tommy curls in on himself, covering his head with his arms. The blonde cries out when something solid hits his side as an uncomfortable warmth seeps through his ragged clothes.

Tommy peeks open one of his eyes, face morphing into fear as he stares at the battered face of whatever had been chasing them. He screams, desperately scrambling backwards to get away from the thing. It takes him a second to realize that the creature very much wasn't alive at all. The head that had been staring at him was decapitated, head severed just below its jaw from its neck.

" Damn- that was a close call. "

As if the situation could get even more confusing, a voice comes from Tommy's left, spooking the boy significantly. He turns to face whoever had just been talking. Tommy is immediately greeted by a figure looming above him, the sun above perfectly silhouetting the stranger just right so he couldn't make out their face.

" Wil?" Tommy asks hesitantly. He quickly realizes that whoever this was- certainly wasn't Wilbur. Tommy immediately gets into a standing position, swaying lightly on his feet from an intense feeling of vertigo- he must have hit his head hard when he fell.

The green man takes a step back, holding up his hands in an attempt to appear harmless. The bow and arrow in hand accompanied by the sword on this stranger's hip paints a different story. The incredibly tall height this guy is packing intensities the whole "intimidation" factor- he has to at least be eight feet tall. He was clad in a green camo jumper, a gold chest plate adorns his chest along with golden shoulder pads, his face obscured by what appeared to be a gas mask.

" Who- Who the fuck are you?" Tommy splutters, unsure of what to make of this situation he's found himself in. The stranger lowers his hands, a soft "oh right" escaping him as he tries to find the right words.

“ My name is Awesam... But my friends call me Sam. “

#dream smp #dream smp au #au #alternate universe #tommy innit #tommy and wilbur #Tommy and Wil are brothers in this au #Techno and Wil are twins #phil is the dad ofc #sleepy bois fanfic #sleepy bois inc #wilbur soot #other characters mentioned #Awesamdude sort of at the end #apocalypse #post apocolypse #fanfic #mild gore warning i guess #language

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a-lonely-tatertot · 4 years

Text

Finding Home Ch. 5

A/N: Yall I am soooo sorry this took so freaking long!!! but its done and I hope yall like it this was so much fun to write even if it took over a month because of school and stuff but its here so yeah! please dont forget to comment or reblog they mean so much too me :D and thank you @bookwyrminspiration for editing and helping me get this out as fast as i could word count: 5096 tw warnings: minor panic attack, mentions of volence, and invasion of privacy

Chapter 5: Starting of a Fire

Sweat dripped down her spine as thoughts raced through her head. Sophie didn't quite understand how it had happened, all she knew was that somehow she had Tam's memories. Memories of Linh and arguing and Denver. How had she gotten in his head? Did Tam know she had seen his memories? She hadn’t touched her telepathy in years. School was hard without it, but she had her memory, and she didn't want to know what her human friends were thinking; Fitz had somehow ingrained the rules in her brain. But somehow, after years of barely even thinking about it, she had managed to reach Tam's mind, which was probably hundreds of miles away, and had looked at the exact memories she was thinking of.

Memories Sophie had no right to. Fear solidified in her stomach, a weight she didn't quite know how to bear. "Soph? Sophie, you up?" Amy called from the hallway.

The pillow behind her looked so soft and tempting to fall back into, but no matter what telepathy crisis she was having, she had a life to get to. "Yeah, I'm getting there." The words came out rough from sleep.

Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, she plugged in her headphones and started her wake-up playlist. Mystical powers could wait until after breakfast.

Amy rode the bus with her to work, Their Saturday routine. Amy had tutoring with Jena (bless her heart), and Sophie who had worked at the cafe across the street. Normally she would work all day and get home around the same time Amy did from her afternoon shift. It worked well, and they would sit at home afterward juggling homework and takeout.

"That guy's picking his nose," Amy said, breaking the unintentionally tense silence.

"That's so gross, why would you say that?" Sophie whispered incredulously. No matter how hard she tried, her eyes couldn't leave the man who, unfortunately, had a finger up his nose.

"Ha, now you can't unsee it!" Amy grinned triumphantly. Annoyed, Sophie grumbled back and went silent. She stared, lost in thought, not fully present.

"Why are you so tense?" Amy said softly, as if she didn't quite want Sophie to hear. In the back of her mind, she thought it sounded like when she used to hear human thoughts.

"Hm? I'm not tense," Sophie lied, only to have Amy turn to her in surprise.

"I didn't say that you were," Amy responded quizzically.

“But I heard you?” Sophie said. Was she hallucinating? No, she couldn’t be, she wasn’t crazy. Amy was still staring at her, eyes boring, brows furrowed. Studying her, Sophie really didn’t like being studied. Her tone bordered annoyed when she finally asked, “What?”

“Why’d you read my mind?” Amy asked, eyes narrowed and her tone hushed. “Isn't there rules against that?”

It took a second for Sophie to process what Amy was saying. She hadn’t meant to listen in, but she hadn’t meant to go through Tam’s memories either. Was she losing control again? It was two minds; it could mean nothing, it wasn’t her fault, it was an accident! But what if losing control of her telepathy is only the beginning? This- the worrying, the panic, malfunctioning that reminded her she was only an experiment and a weapon- it was supposed to be over. Why wasn’t it over?

Too deep in her panic, Sophie was unaware of Amy grabbing her arm. The bus slowed down and Amy dragged her out of the bus and as far away from the swarms of people as she could. “Sophie? Soph you with me?” Amy asked desperately. In response, Sophie could only nod. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she thought, oh, this is a panic attack. The want to run, to move, to get away, exploded in her body everywhere at once. The walls around her mind fell next, and she heard everything at once. Her head pounded, her eyes watered and her knees gave out. She crumbled to the ground and Amy sank in front of her.

Hands gripped her shoulders, hard but not in the way she knew. It wasn’t trapping but comforting, grounding, a reminder of where she was. Amy’s hands moved, one to her arm and one to the back of her neck. Amidst the screaming thoughts of passerby chaos and pain, Amy knelt in front of her, pressed against her and one thought rang louder than the rest.

I'm here. I’ve got you. You can enter my mind if that’s easier, it’s gonna be okay.

Sophie wanted to cry with relief, if she could have talked she would’ve shouted with happiness. She choked in a breath, focused her mind, and plunged her mind forward.

Amy let out a sharp breath but stayed quiet. After over a year and a half of being in no other mind than her own, it was surprisingly underwhelming. It was weird, feeling her body in one place but knowing her mind wasn’t with it.

Hi? she thought.

You're loud, geez, Amy responded. How’re you doing?

It's easier to block everyone else out if I focus on you, she said. The pain was still horrible but she was getting there. One by one she matched her breaths to Amy’s and started to block off the other thoughts. Built her walls, brick by brick, until the suffocation of thousands of thoughts loosened and the migraine calmed.

Eventually, Amy spoke. So, when did this start happening?

Losing control? After Fitz taught me what to do it hasn’t happened, Sophie responded.

No unintentional mind reading? Nothing? Amy had her there. Unintentional mind-probing more like.

Sophie took another deep breath and leaned away from her sister but kept her eyes shut to block out the world. Last night, she started, I somehow got ahold of Tam’s memories. The ones of Linh and him when they first arrived here.

Amy remained silent, the only sound their breathing. A beat passed and Sophie opened her eyes to find Amy studying her, eyebrow quirked. Go on, she finally thought.

Except Sophie didn’t quite know how to go on. In an impulse decision, she brought Tam’s memories to the surface of her mind. With a brief Brace yourself, she transmitted them to Amy and watched her reaction as the scenes played before them.

When it was over, and the scene of Tam and Fitz faded, Amy was silent yet again. “Oh shit,” Amy whispered, meeting Sophie’s eyes.

With a chuckle, Sophie bitterly responded, “Yup.”

“Have you told her?”

“No?” Sophie gaped. “How would I even say that? ‘Oh yeah so in my sleep I accidentally watched your brother’s memories and learned all the shit you didn’t tell me. hope you don’t hate me or anything’?”

“Okay, yeah, that's a pretty bad conversation starter,” Amy agreed. “I don’t know how, but you need to tell her. This is pretty big.”

“I know,” she said with a sigh and Amy’s face softened with relief. Standing up she continued, “I guess we should get moving, we don’t want to be late.” As they walked, Sophie tried not to think about how she intentionally avoided saying “I will”.

Hours passed, tedious as always. Taking orders, making coffee, cups and bags, and people. So many people. Somehow Amilia's head survived. A few slip-ups, when a part of her mind would get distracted. When the muscle memory of her tasks wasn't enough and she had to rack her brain to remember an order only to get flooded with thoughts that definitely didn't help her remember.

At one point, when there was barely anyone in the small cafe, Amilia had an idea. Her gaze flicked over the cafe, from the plants scattered decoratively to the tables she had yet to clean. Taking a breath, she tried to open her mind up to one of her coworker's thoughts. To see if she could after all these years only blocking off her powers. After a few tries (and tripping over a bucket of water) she managed to do it. With enough focus, she could open her mind and build walls around the thin connection between her and her coworker's minds.

She grinned, letting herself celebrate her small success for a fleeting moment until the door opened again with a ding and she was back at the register. The order was simple as Sophie plugged it into the small device. Her voice struggled not to sound bored as she called out the name when it was ready and returned to her cleaning. It was all so boring; her mind wandered to Linh coming over. She felt her heart flutter at the same time dread settled. Not now, Amilia told herself as the small bell rang again and she found herself back at the register.

"Amilia!" Jena called, sauntering her way into the cafe like she owned the place. That's what Amilia liked about the girl, how she wasn't intimidated by anything. Natalie trailed behind her with a tired look in her eyes.

"I need like three coffees," Natalie groaned.

"You won't survive three coffees," Amilia laughed, already starting to place their orders. It was the same every week, Jena with the most amount of sugar added to her coffee and Natalie with just straight black. Jena paid as an apology for whatever hell studying ended up being.

Nat hummed appreciatively when James, Amilia's coworker, gave them their order. In one move she downed the entire cup despite it being burning hot. "Ahh that's the shit," she mused.

"How did your throat not just disintegrate?" Amilia asked bewildered.

"I'm just not a weakling," she retorted. "Also your girl is coming over once your shift is over if you haven't forgotten."

'Your girl', Amilia knew, was referring to Linh who had planned to come and hang out that afternoon. Which, after the events of the morning, she had entirely forgotten. "Fuck," she hissed. "My shift is almost over so hopefully we can get home with time to spare to clean?"

The apartment desperately needed cleaning, covered in piles of homework and dishes and trash that they only occasionally had time to take out.

Thirty minutes later the sisters were rushing onto their bus home, catching their breath as they grabbed the handlebars. When they finally arrived home, the tall glass building taunting them in the daylight, Sophie took the stairs two at a time and practically kicked the door in. She ran around the apartment in a fury trying to figure out where she could stuff things when she heard murmurs.

"How long do you think it'll take her to notice?" Linh's unmistakable voice asked.

"Eh give her a second; She's in the zone," Amy responded, clearly trying not to laugh. Slowly turning around, praying desperately that her face wasn't as red as it felt, Sophie faced the figures leaning in the doorway.

"Hi?" she said tentatively, but it came out more like a question.

"Hello, sweetheart. We didn't mean to interrupt," Linh responded with a grin.

Sophie tugged at her eyelash in embarrassment, "I totally just ran right past you didn't I?"

"Yup," Linh chuckled.

Sophie groaned and buried her face in her hands. "It's nice to know you care about order though," Linh said, gently pulling her hands away from her face and placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

Amy chuckled, walking in behind Linh, "Y’all are too soft for me. I'll be in my room." In a half-hearted response, Sophie stuck her tongue out as she passed. Linh's arms were comforting around her as they snaked their way around her waist. Instinctively Sophie leaned into her touch and wrapped her arms around Linh before burying her head into the crook of her neck. The first thing that Sophie realized was that Linh was much taller than her, in all the memories she had Linh was shorter,but here she was, taller, and Sophie leaning against her instead of the other way. The second thing was that Linh was warm like a blanket or a human heater. Compared to the rest of the world, which was gradually getting colder because of the fall, Linh felt warm like home, like something familiar.

"We should probably move," Linh whispered, mouth against the top of hair.

Sophie hummed, "But you're comfy."

Linh laughed sweetly, "You were in the middle of cleaning, I don't wanna interrupt that."

Pulling back, Sophie surveyed the room. Unfortunately, it was still in need of some cleaning. "I can do that later; you're here right now and I wanna spend time with my girlfriend."

Linh just shook her head, "I like cleaning. It's relaxing, and you can introduce me to that music you've been screaming about."

Vaguely she remembered texting Linh late one night about the new band she’d found and how Linh just had to listen or she would die. She grabbed a cup from the kitchen, reluctantly started the music, to which Linh started moving slowly. "We can start in my room, it's probably the worst," Sophie said, stopping her brain from overthinking it before it was out of her mouth.

With that, they started cleaning, which was surprisingly more fun than it would seem. Now and then a song would come on and Sophie would throw down whatever she was holding and do an impromptu dance party. Linh would just laugh and watch her with those eyes that were full of adoration and pulled at Sophie's heart, pulled Sophie farther and farther into this dream of reality.

She avoided thoughts of what Linh was, of the memories she wasn't supposed to have seen, they but nagged at her over and over. Feet moved, things fell, and they laughed and danced, and Linh- Linh just wouldn't stop smiling. The small motion pulled at her heart and it was just like she imagined. It reminded her of the days during the war that they'd sit and sort through the clues, and for once Sophie found herself longing for that time.

"Hey, babe?" Linh called from the closet as Sophie shook herself out of her haze.

"Yeah?"

Stepping out there was something in her hands. It was a postcard. She cocked her head to the side trying to rack her brain where it could've come from. "It says it's from Kull? The hell kinda name is that?" Linh said.

No- Sophie stumbled a bit, no it couldn't be. But no, she remembered. Three weeks after being at the new apartment she got mail. Not some shipment for her, a postcard, with four words written on it. With shaking hands Sophie grabbed the card out of Linh's hands like she was in a dream.

I'm here, always. - Mari

Far deep inside of her, under layers and layers of running and hiding and nights of crying, something broke. She was lonely. She wasn't alone per se; Amy was there, Linh was there, giving her those concerned eyes and crinkled eyebrows, but she was lonely. Sophie missed late-night pancakes, and endless days laughing and baking hands filled with flour (distantly she wondered if that's why Fitz had fallen in love with baking), she missed the hard exterior who had the best hugs and always knew what she was doing. She found herself missing Angie too, the weekends they'd play scrabble and laugh at how Angie would win every time no matter how hard she and Mari tried. Sophie longed for late nights sitting in Tommy's attic, the lawnmower boy across the street that always came in for banana pancakes while unironically humming the song under his breath (she asked him about it once and he just said it was always stuck in his head). They used to play late night games until it was one in the morning and Mari was calling and asking if she was coming home (most nights she didn't, too busy laughing and trying to throw popcorn into each other's mouths). And something inside her realized she missed those nights. She missed the random people she'd fallen in love with, the late nights filled with laughter and shakes instead of nightmares and tears.

Glancing up she studied Linh's face. It was a mix of concern and confusion, a bit of hesitance, and a lot of wonder. The sudden urge to cry hit Sophie like a brick wall and she did. She cried quietly, knowing that this wasn't something that needed to be cried over yet she needed to do it anyway. Strong arms wrapped themselves around her and Sophie buried her head and tears into Linh's shoulder. "What do you need?" Linh asked after a moment of rubbing small circles into Sophie's back.

"To go home." Linh jerked back, confusion and bewilderment evident in her eyes because home to Linh would never be a small town with a dirt road and covered in trees, it would be a world of brokenness and misplaced ideals that forced her, them, to fix it. It would be a world of shimmering crystals and jobs she never wanted. She didn't know Sophie's was the exact opposite. Sophie explained, the town and what she left behind, not why because it felt stupid, but she explained what Mari was, her friend (mother figure? The one who knew her better than anyone else?), she said she left, and she needed to go back.

"Okay," Linh said, a finality. And Linh pulled out her computer, and an hour later they had plans and were packing and it all felt too rushed to be real. It felt weirder when Amy said goodbye from the bottom steps of the apartment; she would be coming up the next day with the gang's van. It felt weird, like moving through jelly when they stepped into the Grayhound station and Sophie was left staring at her ticket and at the bus in disbelief.

"Soph," Linh whispered after a beat, "I think you're supposed to, you know, get on the bus."

Sophie knew the functions of buses, better than Linh most likely; she knew that one was supposed to step in it, choose a seat, wait for it to stop, and if it was the desired location one would step off of the bus. If her life were the movie she watched with her parents when she was little, she would walk gracefully, with soft music setting the mood, and when she would sit down, she would let out a breath that she wouldn't know she was holding. She would watch out the window wistfully, and at some point, the music would get quieter and the image of her would fade into the memories of herself meeting Mari, a speed-up of the year she had spent with the woman would play. The music would rise, and the scene of her running trying to hold herself together in the pouring rain. The camera would follow as she ran to the bus stop, as she grabbed a ticket and made it to the last bus for the night with her little duffle bag and tears picture-perfect, the ugly sobs that wracked her that night were just not movie material, and the scene would switch just as she was sitting down in the memory to her standing up, with a new determination in her eyes, in the present.

But, this was not some multimillion-coming-of-age story with a bow on top.

Because Sophie herself was too much of an emotional mess and a real person (term used loosely and does not apply to being a secret-elven-war-hero and more used in the sense of the emotional trauma and not knowing how to function normally that comes with being a secret-elven-war-hero) to be the star of a movie. Who would pay money to go see someone with human emotions also fail at life when they can just look at themselves or the people around them for free?

"Earth to Sophie!" Linh snapped in front of her face.

"Yes, I'm alive, huh?" Sophie rushed.

Linh snickered and made Sophie blush more than she wanted to admit. "I was wondering if we were actually going to get on the train?" Linh said gently.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry it's just weird, I needed a minute," Sophie apologized.

Linh smiled slightly and gently intertwined their fingers, "I get it, and I'm here for you." Instinctively she leaned into the touch, but a knot of guilt and anxiety tied in her stomach along with thoughts that she had tried desperately to keep out of her head all day. What are you hiding? If I said anything would you still be here? Or will you run from me too?

They found their seats, and Sophie managed to steal her way to the window seat. She stuffed her bag under the seat in front of her and found herself stopping. She let out the breath, she hadn't realized she was holding. A pit settled in her, a deep and endless feeling that she could get lost in. Down down down it went filled with black and heaviness she was so desperately trying to ignore. Her uncertainty scared her the most. It was like the Neverseen, she never knew how long her peace would last or how quickly it would be ruined.

Hopefully, she could make this last another day. Another night of this feeling, of safety while holding Linh's hand. She wasn't quite ready for this to be over, to rock the boat, to ask about what Linh did. It was selfish, but Sophie was a selfish person.

The man at the front of the bus, the driver, stood up holding the microphone, and started to say something probably about rules and destinations, but Sophie couldn't hear a word he said. At that moment her thoughts were flooded as the boundaries she built came tumbling down. "Fuck," she whispered, she could barely hear herself. Squeezing her eyes she tried not to cry and kept her head down. This time it wasn't nearly as bad as the street which had so many more people, but still, her head pounded and she dug her nails into her fingers resisting the urge to pick at an eyelash. Surprisingly, it was pretty easy to hide the pain from Linh, whose sole focus was the driver's words. She clamped her jaw shut and focused on the pain in her palms, trying to forget about the migraine. The Grayhound suddenly roared to life and started to move jostling Sophie back into her seat, the motion making it worse. "Fucking christ," she hissed as a particularly loud thought rose to the surface.

"Babe? You okay?" Linh asked, putting her hand on Sophie's arm, finally noticing that Sophie was very much not okay. It took everything in her not to snap something sarcastic back.

Instead, she went for a hopefully convincing smile and said, "Yeah I just need to run to the bathroom."

Linh chuckled as she got up. "I told you to go before we left." Sophie nodded in response as her head continued to pound and she reached up to pick an eyelash. She tried to hide the pain as much as she could walking towards the back, holding her balance surprisingly well as the jackhammer in her head continued.

She made it to the bathroom, which was smaller than she expected. Sitting on the closed toilet (it was the size of a portapotty and she wished there was somewhere else to sit) Sophie counted her breaths. Slowly, she opened her mind. It was as bad of an idea as it sounded. The pounding got worse like the thoughts were trying to crack her mind, but Sophie was determined. Sifting through the loud barrage of words and ideas she searched for the quieter voices. She found her way downward (not really but it was the only way to describe the feeling) pushing thoughts to the side building a guarded bridge from her mind. A tiny wisp of thought caught her attention, a blank spot between the screaming.

Gotcha, she thought triumphantly.

Pushing forward, imaginary brick by imaginary brick she created a path to the silent mind that was most likely sleeping already. With a push, she found her way in as gently as she could, taking refugee in the calm. She allowed herself a breath before she started to build her mind walls around the second one. One by one the minds faded to the background like static until she was finally at peace in the stranger's head. It felt weird, to say the least. The walls were up, she was fine, she was protected, and yet she felt reluctant to leave. Like she should figure out who this person was. Why did she care? That was a good question, Sophie didn't quite have an answer.

As she was about to leave, pushing away her conflicting thoughts, a memory, tinted blue appeared. She shouldn't have looked at it. That was her first mistake. There were rules against this intrusion, she wasn't supposed to see it. And yet she was curious. So, against her better judgment, Sophie stayed and Sophie watched.

She could tell from the start the memory clearly wasn’t happy. It started in what looked like a bathroom. Dark and grim, dimly lit. They were staring down at the sink, something dripping from their face. It might've been blood. The door opened and the person's head swung, Sophie caught a glimpse of dark hair in the mirror before her attention was drawn to the figure in front of her.

Dangerous eyes matched a dangerous frame. A red and black striped shirt peeked out from behind a gray jacket rolled up to the man's elbows. Peaking from under the edge of the sleeve was the end of an anchor. Dark eyes were accompanied by a smirk that made Sophie's hair stand up. "What do you want?" a high voice said, presumably the owner of the memory.

He only raised an eyebrow in response leaning against the wall.

"Oh stop that little act," the voice huffed, "No one’s gonna see you here.”

His face relaxed and for a beat it was silent, then, "You're being reckless."

Saying nothing, the view shifted back to the sink. "I've got nothing to lose," they murmured. Pale hands with bruised knuckles gripped the edge of the sink.

"Yeah? Well welcome to the club," he said gruffly. "The whole reason this little group exists is cause every single one of those people? Guess what, they've got nothing else to lose except this place. And I'm not risking their safety for you."

"Nice to know you care," they said with a huff.

The man's eyes were tired as he pleaded, "Look, you know I'm not great at emotions, but try not to pick a fight with every single person you come into contact with out there?"

"Yeah, I'll try," breathed the voice, defeated.

"And Linh?" the man kept speaking, but Sophie couldn't hear. Words were muffled as they looked up, and Linh's—her Linh’s—face stared back at her in the mirror.

Startled, Sophie stumbled out of the memory, out of Linh's mind (why was it Linh's mind?) all together. The wall of the bathroom smacked against the back of her head as she jerked back into herself. "What the hell," she gasped. "What the hell."

A beat passed till Sophie stood, bumping her knees against the wall across from her. It was awkward trying to maneuver her way out of the miniature-sized bathroom (it didn’t even count as a bathroom). Finally, she pushed the sliding door back to let her out and tried to avoid eye contact with anyone that noticed her. Fumbling her way out, still slightly trapped in her haze of how’s and whys and Linh Linh Linh- she almost passed her seat when Linh tapped her.

Sophie didn’t hear what she said, it all going in one ear and out the other as she tried to mask her intense waves of emotion and thanking the universe that Linh wasn’t an empath. She avoided Linh’s silver eyes, dodging her worried looks.

“I’m fine,” Sophie barked. “Just rattled, wondering what I’m gonna say to Mari,” she lied of course the thought of Mari hadn’t even crossed her mind until then. But when she started to talk she couldn’t stop herself, “It’s just been a long time you know? I don’t know if she even wants to see me. I left her just in the middle of the night with barely a goodbye after a year of living with her and her taking care of me and-“

There was a hand holding hers and another cupping her cheek. “Hey,” Linh whispered, her breath tickled Sophie’s cheek.

“H-hey,” she stuttered as Linh brushed her thumb under Sophie’s eye, wiping off the tear she didn’t even know was there.

A small smile captured Linh’s face, it made Sophie wonder how this girl was the same one who used to be so so angry. she probably still is, part of her thought before she shoved it away.

“We’re already here, on this bus on our way; this is the point of no return. Okay? And this may be the point of no return, but you’re not alone. I’ve got you and Amy’s coming up tomorrow. You’re not alone in this. Whether she wants you to come or not cause of how long it’s been since she asked, you need this, you can’t just bury this,” Linh said, her hands stayed cupped around Sophie’s face and her eyes held her gaze firmly.

Sophie let herself nod as she noticed how close Linh was. Part of her wondered if she was supposed to kiss Linh (that’s what couples did right?) but another was stuck turning Linh’s words over in her mind unable to stop thinking, But isn’t that what you did? Bury and bury and bury?

Linh’s smile grew and she felt herself smile too, even if it was small and her mind was too busy overthinking for the aching in her chest to register. They turned away from each other, Linh with a small remark of how tired she was and Sophie grabbing her headphones from her bag. Plugging them in, a desperate attempt to shut out her mind, she felt Linh's head on her shoulder and that smile returned and grew as Linh sighed and curled into her side. For a brief moment, she convinced herself that the girl in the memory was not the same girl she knew. For a fleeting second, Sophie pretended that she couldn't feel herself setting the fire to the beginning of the end.

#hehheheheh #finding home #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #solinh #sophie foster #kotlc sophie #linh song #kotlc linh #amy foster #kotlc amy #kotlc fic #kotlc fanfic #tater writes #writers on tumblr

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tf-guru · 3 years

Text

From selling to building [f->Raven] MC

Isn't it crazy how one simple decision can change your entire life. Investing in the right place at the right places, losing your life savings after a shady internet deal, hell even forgetting your coffee one morning causing you to collide with a lamppost. God I would kill for even a sip of coffee, hard to get it in my current situation. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

My name was Valley Jackson, one of the most successful realtors in Southern California. I don't know why I'm creating this manuscript in my head, its not like I'll be able to write or even tell someone about it. Maybe it's what I would create if I were to be human again. Maybe it's just to keep me sane. Regardless here's what happened.

I had been traveling north to LA to secure a deal with one of my higher paying clients, normally I'd have them come to me but due to their status I decided to make the drive. I was on the highway around 10:30 at night when I missed my exit. That little mistake cost me everything...

Valley let out an exasperated curse as she looked ahead to see when the next exit would be coming up. In her 42 years of living in California she had visited LA maybe three times. Seeing the next exit approached she signaled and got off the highway. She was 5'6" with an absolutely stunning figure. At that time her auburn hair hung just below her shoulders and her nails were painted white. She looked down at her gps and saw as it started to emmit static before shutting off entirely

"Damn it" she muttered as she realized she was in the middle of nowhere. After about a half hour of driving in circles she finally was about to give up and try again in the morning when a sign glinted just ahead. It read "Pan's antique shop. Open 24 hours! Maps and sightseeing guides provided."

"Oh thank god! Kinda strange its open 24 hours but I guess when tourism is your biggest income it wouldn't hurt to take in a late night traveler."

Soon she pulled into the long driveway marked by another sign. Down the road was a decent sized rustic store. Its arched windows alight with a yellow glow. She parked her car and entered the shop. Behind the counter was a twenty something man who was reading a book. He looked up and said

"Hi welcome to Pan's antique shop. What can I help you with?" Valley replied

"Oh I'm on my way to LA and missed my exit, do you have a map I could look at?"

"Sure, feel free to look around while I get them."

As he took a door behind his desk Valley looked around. There were various items, old political pins, rotary phones, a Walkman, but Valley only saw one thing that caught her eye. It was a pair of Raven shaped earrings. She was drawn to them almost magnetically, their golden beaks glinting in the shops lights.. She grabbed them and headed back to the counter. The man had returned with a few traveling maps.

"Did you find something you like?"

"Yeah, just these earrings. I take it you're Pan?"

He gave a small chuckle with a hint of something else but Valley couldn't quite determine what

"Oh no, definitely not. Pan's the owner, I just work night shift."

"Ah, well thank you!" She paid for the earrings and grabbed the maps.

"Drive safe!"

As Valley started to leave she suddenly felt really lightheaded before passing out completely.

"We're just gonna head about a hundred more feet ahead then we've made it to the camping spot."

Valley opened her eyes to see one of the magnificent California redwoods ahead of her. Confused, she looked over to see who spoke.

"You okay Valley? You look kinda pale." The speaker was a woman around her age with brown hair and a more slim figure than Valley's

"Who are you? How do you know my name?"

"Uh Valley are you okay? Its me, your childhood friend Hailey? Do you seriously not know? Maybe we should look at that medici-"

"Im just kidding Hailey!" She was sensitive about discussing her medication. New memories appeared as she realized she did know Hailey, of course she did. She also remembered how she had decided to take this trip to celebrate Haileys 40th birthday.

"So just another 100ft Hay?"

"Yeah, if you're sure you're alright."

The pair continued the 100 feet before coming across a good enough sized clearing. Valley looked around while Hailey removed her tent bag from her back.

"You gonna help or just gawk?"

"Be right there Hailey!"

After some tribulations the pair managed to secure the tent to the ground. Valley removed two sleeping bags from her backpack and the pair began to undress. However as Valley took off her jeans something clattered to the ground. She reached down and picked up a pair of Raven earrings. Hailey turned around and froze.

"That's odd, I thought I got these on my way to-" she stopped as regained recollection of what had just been happening a few hours prior. She scratched her arm and looked at Hailey

"Oh uh silly Valley dont you remember getting those at the trail gift shop?"

"I got these at an antique shop today. In fact, I don't remember what happened after that. Did you drug me?"

"Valley you're not thinking clearly must be the medi-"

"No! Its not my medication! I don't even know you!"

"Valley I-"

"Did you bring me here to kidnapp me? Are people coming to kill me? I'm leaving!" Valley exited the tent with no pants or shirt and started to head back to the road.

"Wait!" Valley gave the finger and continued.

"I said wait." Hailey said in a dominant tone and Valley suddenly felt her knees lock. Something or someone was controlling her.

"What the hell?"

"Valley, I'm sorry it has to go this way. I was hoping-"

"Somebody help! Somebod-"

"Silence" Valley tried to scream again but no sound came out. She looked back to Hailey, terrified.

"Im sorry you're having to go through this. Here's how its gonna go, you are going to transform into a raven in a minute or two. My name is Hailey but this isn't me"

Before Valleys eyes Hailey underwent her own transformation. Her breasts retreated slightly into her chest as she lost some height. Her features softened and when it completed she looked to be in her early twenties.

"Im gonna give you the ability to speak and move but please don't scream."

She snapped her fingers and Valley fell to the ground. She looked up at Hailey and retorted

"I dont know what kind of drugs you've filled me with but-" she looked at her arm as she felt and itch. On her left arm was a single black feather. Not laying on it but actually attached to it. She pulled at it only to feel a sharp pain. As she watched more feathers sprouted down her arm. With each feather she grimaced but as soon as they reached her hand something else happened.

Her fingers merged together to form a single appendage. Only then did she realize it was real.

"P-please don't do this to me. I have a life! A career!"

"Don't worry, Pan's already sorted everything out. All your clients belive they've been using a different realtor, your family only remembers your brother. Its all packed away."

"I want to talk to Pan, please!"

She looked at her foot and saw three sharp talons poke through her sock. With her good hand she reached down and removed the sock. To her shock her ankle was covered by a corse yellow layer of a scale like texture.

"Im sorry, no can do. Pan's pretty busy and doesn't worry about stuff like this. I can take a message though."

"Please tell him to stoooaaaawk!" She grabbed her mouth and felt as her lips began to hardnen and push back against her hand.

"I'll tell him that, here's this." She handed a small mirror to Valley who looked into it. Her face also had jet black feathers on it, removing her hand revealed a small beak forming. Three more talons burst from her other foot as she pleaded once again

"I caaaaw! I caan't be a raven! I'm a human!" Hailey walked over and removed Valley's undergarments. Looking into the mirror Valley saw her face was covered in feathers and her mouth had finished becoming a beak. Her other arm followed the first as she dropped the mirror. Trying one last time she tried to plead

"Caw! Caw caw!" No matter how hard she tried she couldn't speak. So, she reached out with her wing and touched Haileys hand. But as she reached out it became harder and harder to extend her arm as they slowly tucked behind her back. She looked down with a shiver of ironic pleasure as her anus and vagina moved together to form her cloaca. Then she began to shrink. She hunched over, her body reforming so she would never stand upright again. As the transformation finished Valley looked down into the mirror and saw her eye shift from brown to purple, she fully resembled a raven. New thoughts entered her mind

'Eggs'

'Nesting'

'Flight'

'Mating'

'Offspring'

While she retained her human thoughts and mind she now had these new impulses and urges. She looked up to see Hailey writing in small notebook.

"Valley, Raven with purple eyes, room..." she checks her watch

"Room a2e365. I'm sorry this happened but try to become acclimated with your new life. Goodbye Valley."

She then faded away, leaving Valley alone.

Well, that's my story. After Hailey left I was forced to adapt to my new body. The first month I would continually hope to just wake up in my bed, ready for my old life. But that never happened. I got used to eating whatever I could find and flying oh flying. If there is any upside to the change (I still want to go back to my old life every day) its flying. Being able to soar through the skies unrestricted is freeing. The area im in is strange because if I fly more than around two miles in any direction I blink and end up back at the (now gone) campsite. I eventually figured put how to build a nest. Its not much, just some twigs in a tree but its mine.

One day I was doing my daily routine when I heard a whistle from bellow me. Soaring down I saw Hailey with a bag of birdseed. I perched on a tree branch near her and stared at her with resent. I continued my gaze until she extended some seed and my bird instincts took over and I automatically ate some.

"Thats better, I'm sorry I took so long to visit. How are you doing? I know its a big change but at least you have plenty of room to fly around. I got you this by the way, should make things easier."

She hung a small bird feeder on a nearby branch and continued

"Well, I'll be back." And she left me alone once again. She still visits every once in a while telling me more about how I'm lucky I still have my intellect and how I could behave been left as a mindless bird. I guess I am kinda lucky. Hold on, I see another Raven approaching my nest. Ooo he's a male, maybe ill get to feel the full bird experience ;)

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theskyexists · 4 years

Text

the amazing she-ra 5

i am LOVING this first episode. they’re TRULY the underdogs now. people are hiding with magic. they live in tents. they’ve lost their edge. they’re actually leaning into the horrors of war now

Shadowweaver says OOC stupid things but it doesn’t matter because the princesses shut it down satisfactorily. Adora is weighed down by responsibility in a cool way.

Catra is staking out the enemy and weaseling her way in. (yessss)

‘You don’t need to say it! I know. I made that choice. I’m living with the consequences.’ I LOVE THIS ADORA

I LOVE THIS WRITING. Catra and Glimmer are THE greatest pair ever. Glimmer is smart enough to poke right through Catra’s defenses - and NOW they’re in the same situation - Glimmer says so - and immediately the prison wall fades away - and they’re both invited for dinner. THAT DELICIOUS WRITING

i do love how shadowweaver has been this snarky aunt for two seasons now.

Hord Prime shows us Adora in danger and Catra is like; FUCK YOU ADORA’S MINE (TO DESTROY) !!!!

I love Hord Prime’s wonderfully manipulative dinner. And I love glimmer quietly crying and I love Catra being like HRMMMM I DONT LIKE THIS. the subtle animations are so great - the close-ups

the way Catra speaks to Hord Prime - the way she’s really fuckin scared and the way Hord Prime says ‘little sister’. The way they make him seem unbeatable. I LVOE IT.

AND I LOVE THESE VISIONS FOR ADORA

jezus but how few people really live in etheria ?

the propaganda and the tech to boost prime’s image everywhere....ugh it’s delicious. im also happy Entrapta is back and on the good side instead of helping Catra be a bitch to Adora. and im glad the princesses are wary of her.

hahahaah awww Bo came to give adora breakfast and then he panics when she’s lying on the floor. I ALSO LOVE BO AND ADORA TOGETHER BEST

goddamnit Bo YAH! finally somebody who effectively protects someone from the masses. fuck off micah!

Love the princesses acting on their own - love Scorpia mediating, love mermista stepping up, love Entrapta using her .....intelligence

I love how Hord Prime manipulating Glimmer is used to show us more about his empire.

‘i only want to bring peace’ - but also i destroyed all these worlds. how is that...how is that even surface compatible?? like no attempt is made to align those two things.

wait....the heart of etheria will destroy the universe? why??? why is that the assumption. and why...does Hord Prime want that? i....

the comedy of the princesses doing a mission alone is GREAT

IM SO HAPPY THE PRINCESSES GOT TO HIT ENTRAPTA WHERE IT HURTS. now THIS is the right level of comedy versus hurt

the way scorpia rolled to cover frosta in her bulk!

i love how adora is like - HAH sleep is great actually! wow!!

because of the underlying grievances that we EXPERIENCED as audience, this friendship moment actually LANDS

I REINSTATE MY HOORAY!!! (hahahaha god i love scorpia). oh my god Micah saying he trusts glimmer’s friends to save her - fuckin hell - heart squeeze

LOOK AT THAT SHIT. LOOK AT IT!!! Glimmer being angry at Catra - but then recanting and showing vulnerability. Catra showing vulnerability by acquiescing. GOD!!!

‘why did you do it?’ OH GOD ARRGHGHHG THATS SO FUCKING PAINFUL. why does Catra scratch Adora? Because she doesn’t understand - seems to not make the effort to understand!! because she’s never understood that everybody always hurt her - she never fucking saw when it was right in front of her. THat’s even worse in a way than being hurt.

god the fuckin scale. the planet getting bombarded from space....jezus christ.

theres a hallway with light and dark at the end - its implied she goes into the dark - BECAUSE SHE INTENDS TO HIDE FROM WHO FOLLOWS HER

wow she instantly realises he’s hordak. ha!

Catra is being so open with Glimmer. She’s REALLY REALLY! off balance

they have a talking ritual!!!! THEYRE BONDING ABOUT ADORA BEING A DORK!!!!

Catra realises that nothing she was doing on Etheria had any value to her!!!! I LOVE THIS SEASON SO MUCH

I love how Adora gets to be such a badass dork this season!!!! Bo and Adora + Glimmer and Catra are the BEST COMBINATION

godDAMN they made these clones creepy. damn i LOVE Hord Prime!!!

catra/glimmer......tho.....

she pushes her onto the bed and kneels before her, holding her hands. DUDES. MY DUDES!!!! catra is they gayest cat in existence

‘do one good thing in your life!’ - oh OUCH god, you can feel the whole weight of all the hurt and injustice she’s experienced in ‘dont talk to me like you know me!’

HAHAHAHAHAHAH BO losing his mind and Adora being a hilarious himbo is SO GOOD

I LOVE CATRA’S ABSOLUTELY HEARTBREAKING ADORABLE MEMORY AND HALLUCINATIONS

‘im alway going to be your friend’ - ‘i’ll never say sorry to anybody’ GODDD

‘all i do is hurt people, there’s no one left in the entire universe who cares about me’ - a reasonable assumption based on your behaviour except for the fact that Adora has been trying to reach you for 4 FUCKING seasons with hand outstretched

THAT WAS SO FUCKING DRAMATIC I AM IN LOVE !! IN LOVE WITH THEM!!!!

are you fucking SERIOUS - ENTRAPTA MADE AN AB WINDOW IN BO’S SPACE SUIT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

the animation in this goddamn season is CRAZY and INCREDIBLE

I ADORE Catra the self Martyr i ADORE that she’s going to go through the wringer still in Hord Prime’s hands.

THIS SEASON IS WORTH ALL THE REST

are YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME- i HATE THAT SHIT WHY MUST YOU MAR THIS SEASON WITH AN INTERRUPTION OF AN APOLOGY. STOP IT!!! IT’S NOT FUN IT’S NOT SATISFYING IT RUINS THE MOMENT IT WEAKENS THE EMOTION BY DRAGGING IT OUT FUCK!!!!

well i guess that was pretty good with Adora. wish they had made that a little bit longer

i love entrapta. she’s such a perfect element to throw into the mix. and her connections with AI’s are great

that scorpia and swift wind talk is so beautiful. they are also the PERFECT pair. ‘gosh have you ever noticed how many moons we have here? it’s weird.’ HAHAHAHA

they’re visiting a planet that’s been conquered by Prime...

I love how they made Entrapta flirty with her tech ahahahaha

i love how Adora is like: oh??? you’re coming to me??? for emotional advice??? uhhhhhh ok haha nice

I LOVE ADORA

i love swift wind’s drunk history retelling of what’s going on on Etheria - especially his impression of shadowweaver and his batman micah

Bo sure is very bad at forgiveness himself lol

‘well im NOT! running awayy that is. i AM smart’ AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! i love you adora

Adora spewing all her bullshit about Catra to total strangers ahahaha

this was SUCH amazing teamwork!!!

AND THAT MOMENT OF SHE-RA BEING BACK!!!!

GLIMMER ACKNOWLEDGING SHE MADE A MISTAKE AND THAT BO DESERVES TO BE MAD AND MAYBE THINGS WON’T BE THE SAME AGAIN BUT SHE WON’T STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT BETTER AND SHE’LL BE THERE IF HE’S EVER READY

FUCKING TEARS BABEY

jezus christ !! that was good!!! i take it back - it was a stupid interruption (they could have just had Bo respond ‘eh’ at an attempt at apology from glimmer....maybe) but they made the final apology INCREDIBLE

‘i can’t just leave her...’ the voice acting in this is sO GOOD

Catra made her whole plan to keep Adora away from Prime based on the assumption that if Glimmer was in Prime’s hands, then Adora would come to rescue her no matter the danger. So she saved Glimmer. But SHE FAILED TO REALISE THAT ADORA WOULD DO THE SAME FOR HER AHAHAHAHAHAHAA

the amazing thing about these highly tech advanced societies is that none of them have invented security cameras

glimmer getting some ptsd flashes

I KNEW that the heart of etheria was built by the First Ones to fight Hordak. Makes Mara’s decision a bit more ---- hMMMM not as great. Because Hordak has killed countless worlds since!

the hive mind lol. jezus Prime is so terrible.

oh my god the very concepts of Prime when behind a fictional buffer are so archtypically delicious. Catra’s glowy green eyes and full bow. hohhohhohho. that uniform also looks great

so Prime could do this to everyone but he chose to surround himself with clones. goddamn.

oh damn that lean-in, those hands on her neck. hmmmhm. gay

she FLINCHES when Prime lays a hand on her shoulder. DAMN. love it

‘you will give me she-ra’ ---- isn’t that what she’s been offering all along? lol

AND THEN HE LEAVES ADORA WITH A BRAINWASHED CONTROLLED PUPPET CATRA WHO ATTACKS HER

OH ITS SO DELICIOUS

brainwashed Catra is really sexy and disturbing hahahahahaha

this fight is so well choreographed. Catra letting herself almost fall, Adora gathering her into her arms, the scratch across the back, the damn knee into the midriff (OUCH), the dangling her in turn.

‘i always hated that guy in particular - and also all the other guys i hit on the way in.’ LOLOLOLOL

THE CHEEK TOUCH - THE TEARS AND SMILE - THE GREEN EYES AND THE BACKHAND AFJLDJFDSJFLKDSJSDFKSDFJ

‘you’re such an idiot!’

‘yeah! i know!’

I LOVE THEM AAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS SO TRUE AHAHAHAHAHAHAI LOVE THEM

‘im going to take you home’

‘promise?’

NOELLE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME

Adora watches Catra probably die and fall off into a endless pit. JUMPS IN AFTER HER ONE SECOND LATER

Prime really did miscalculate lol - his ship’s been destroyed by one stab at a server.

CATRA ALMOST DYING AND ADORA TRANSFORMING WITH GLOWY EYES GODDAMN!!!! HOLDING CATRA INTO HER ARMS BRIDAL STYLE. NEW OUTFIT!! WALKING INTO THE SHIP LIKE A BOSS. AND HEALS HER. HEY ADORA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND SHE FUCKING

PURRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all the fucking crying is so good

‘I kNOW YOU ALL HATE ME!” ‘I NEVER HATED YOU’ ‘Then you’re dumber than I thought’ HAHAHAHAHA i love how Catra cannot accept Adora’s friendship because she cannot forgive herself. but Adora never fucking gets it because she has the emotional intelligence of a crab!!!! the problem is that Adora is the exact shape of Catra’s heart - which is one big open wound. And if she presses - all she does is cause hurt

Catra is so adorable looking god.....

SPINERELLA AND NETOSSA KISSED!!!!!!!! awwwwwww they’ve been so cute for so long and they only got more and more screentime and Awwwww

Not-Hordak and ‘dehydrated protein slaw’ AhAHAHAHA

how did they find us? UHHH THERES A CHIP IN CATRA’S SPINE????

ADORA TELLING CATRA WHAT’S UP!! YES! Catra in a corner. Catra on her damn KNEES. ADORA BLUSHING AT HOLDING HER HAND

their first impulse is to hold each other at the ship shaking.

CATRA IS BLUSHING LOOKING AT ADORA TRANSFORM

SHE-RA CAN LITERALLY FLY THROUGH SPACE - well. make matter from light, breathe in a vacuum, jumpt from one asteroid to another....

I AM GLIMMER IN THIS: YEAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Catra is very lucky that her biggest likely hater is already on her side: glimmer

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SPINERELLAAAA. what a fuckin bait and punch goddamn! making them so cute and then foreshadowing it perfectly and then BAM

CATRA IS CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO MESS WITH ADORA BY LITERALLY JUMPING INTO ADORA’S LAP

fjadslkfasdjflkadjfsja

CATRA IS

PURRING

catra is so effortlessly cool sitting in the window sill

i am actually loving that they have a not-Hordak with them. it humanises those clones a lot

this prince has farsight but they NEVER thought to recruit him BEFORE???

FUCKIN - I LOVE how spinerella and netossa have gotten so much more screentime - relevant to the plot and also revealing their characters. i wish we’d got this from the start!

well now i ship perfuma and scorpia lolololol

HAHAHAHAHA i LOVE this Seahawk and Mermista hiding behind a bar because of ex victims skjsfajfklds

Prince Peekabloo has an AMAZING design, but also he must be a fake. IT MUST BE DOUBLE TROUBLE. double trouble has TASTE

MERMISTA LOOKS SO COOL IN THAT OUTFIT - but also especially chipped and in shadows. they do love chipping people’s love interests

SCORPIA SACRIFICING HERSELF TO SAVE PERFUMA. jezus christ so much love interest drama suddenly wow

‘happy anniversary’ that is HEARTBREAKING

what a great ending to a very silly episode. that’s the balance. a last message from the last soldier standing...

‘WHY DOES SPACE HATE ME SO MUCH!?!?!’ hahahahaah

Catra’s fingers shake......

‘take it from somebody who’s defeated you guys, like, a lot’ AAHAHAHA

FINALLY CATRA IS ON THEIR SIDE TO BE THE SMARTS IN TEH ROOM

ADORA LOOKS SO BADASS IN THAT SPACESHIP CHAIR

chipping everyboddy so they’re like zombies was a great story idea.

catra upset at her signs of upset. CUTE

why the FUCK is Adora’s hair out of her spacesuit ahahahahahahaha. IM SO GLAD THAT BO AGREES WITH ME ON THE ADORABLENESS OF CATRAS HELMET HAHAHAHAHAA

catra is happy to see adora laugh again.... : ‘)

CATRA JUST CLAWED THROUGH FIVE CENTIMETERS OF STEEL????!?!?!?!

ADORA IS BLUSHING AAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

I LOVE how Catra is like, WHAT THE FUCK at having lost to these people

Entrapta trying to deal with Wrong-Hordak in existential crisis is a hilarious premise

THE ANGRIER YOU GET THE CUTER YOU ARE!!! I LOVE BO

oh wow! a first ones colony! very cool! this whole planet works against intruders and plays tricks on them. i do like how first ones are definitely like, still imperial shitlords like subtly. i love how Wrong-Hordak has a realisation arc in the background.

HOLY SHIT THIS IS CREEPY

CATRA DISARMED THIS CAT CREATURE WITH HER CUTE SNEEZE AHAHAHAHA

CATRA IS PETTING A CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHAHAHAHA EVERY SINGLE THING WE COULD HAVE EVER WANTED IS COMING TRUE

catra is working on not lashing out :’) <= literally adora and also me

Melog is so ADORABLE and imprinted on Catra and LOVES ADORA and AGHGHGHG

I love how Adora can make her eyes glow on command

Castaspella was blushing at Shadowweaver being so close lolololol. wow this is the first time Castaspella has been interesting. ‘and stop me, if i take the power for myself’ i love aunty shadowweaver.

AAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAH WHAT HAHAAHHAAAAHA Catra notices she’s holding Adora’s hand and goes ARGGH and doesn’t just take her hand back but throws it away ahhaahaha. Adora doesn’t even respond. that was so hilarious for some reason.

GLIMMER KISSING CATRA’S CHEEK HELLO??? HELLO?????????

‘is what i would have said before i joined you. go team’ hahahaa

‘you’re wearing hooded cloaks. that’s highly suspicious’ AHAHAHAHAHA fucking meta

I LOVE HOW ADORA IS THE ‘oh god my fuckin friends blowing our cover great’ person here

MELOG IS ALREADY STEALING MUSHROOMS FOR CATRA TO EAT AHAHAHAHA I LOVE THEM

Spinerella and Netossa are so BADASS and i love their fight. it’s so deliciously painful and cool hehehehehe

so the only person im fighting here is!.....my own wife...

I LOVE THEM

spinerella is so op lololol - why did she barely do anything for them when they were still fighting hordak

wrong hordak is so fucking cute ahahahahaha

goddamn that reunion was touching and funny at the same time. and i can actually believe that Prime is having trouble with this slippery team of magic users

I love Netossa’s analysis of the princesses weaknesses. Adora: can’t act to save her life. also extreme hair envy with she-ra

BUT GLIMMER: crippling self-doubt mixed with overwhelming hubris AHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA

OH MY GOD SHE SPRITZED CATRA WITH WATER JFDKLDFWDSFKSDFKJLDSJFJDSFKDSLKFSDLFJLKFLKDJFLKS AHAAHAHAAHA

PERFUMA DON”T BE A BITCH TO CATRA. (even though yeah Catra did treat Scorpia bad) she’s right you need to fuckin go for the neck (this episode is gonna show us that you need to damage the chip AND get through to scorpia and it’s going to take catra and perfuma ofc)

awwwww glimmer and bo.... bo is really worried about his dad :’( . this is the first time ive found myself shipping bo and glimmer.....the way he sighs into her arms, turns his face into her neck. Yes....

AWWW CATRA AND ADORA CHALLENGING EACH OTHER AGAIN AWWWW

BO’S DADS LEFT HIM A CLUE IN A FUCKING DAD JOKE ahahaahahahahaah

perfuma is really getting on my nerves here. ‘we dont throw tanks at our friends’ uhhhh shes trying to kill you. just let perfuma get electrocuted adora

AH THEY FINALLY GIVE AN ORIGIN STORY FOR ‘GRAYSKULL’! ha! i do love how they keep elaborating on the First Ones as tyrants as well

hmm perfuma was right i guess. i didnt really like that development. urgh god perfuma is so grating lol..

i wonder how shadowweaver and catra are gonna....deal with each other....

hah. shadowweaver tries to weasel in with Adora again. but Adora won’t stand for it again....

Melog literally acts out Catra’s emotions and jumps adora playfully. hehehehe

shadowweaver is such a fucking bitch. i wonder if we’ll ever get her to admit guilt or apologise

no adora. you have to fucking defend catra to shadowweaver. THAT is what you have to do now that you can!

SHE JUST JUMPED INTO FIRE FOR ADORA

shadowweaver preying on Adora and Catra again goddddd. let this be an episode in which they finally shuck her off. Adora fucking THINK, the only reason you could transform in the first place was BECAUSE of Catra.

YEAHHHHH CATRA!!!!!!!! GETTING ALL THE INFO BEFORE ADORA GETS MANIPULATED INTO SOMETHING SHE DIDN’T CHOOSE. naturally she still chooses to do it.

Melog lies half on top of Adora while Catra watches her.... god fuckin hell Melog being an extension of Catra’s feelings is so fucking AMAZING

holy FUCK that confrontation. (i love how every confrontation between adora and catra starts in roughhousing - their language is extremely physical). this is the softer version of catra’s and adora’s dynamic. Catra loves Adora and she wants Adora to choose HER, LIFE WITH HER. ‘what do you want?’ (WHAT ABOUT ME??) But Adora always chooses some higher hero purpose over her. and she doesn’t want to watch Adora die....

‘i dont have to watch it happen...’

god fuckin hell this season.

shadowweaver BELIEVES that she did the right things - of course. and that’s fascinating. and I love that Adora finally totally truly was like: YOU RUIN PEOPLE AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. fuck yeah!

so when was the moment that Adora couldn’t become she-ra anymore? think it’s when she lost track of Catra....

I love Melog - I love how Catra cannot hide from her feelings anymore - at all.

the way glimmer asks adora ‘are you scared?’ ugh MY HEART

i love martyrs. i fucking LOVE martyrs.

oh my god hallucination Catra touching foreheads with Adora.....

EVERYTIME Glimmer just straight up shows Catra affection? that’s some good shit. i thought we were gonna have Glimmer going after Catra for her mother’s death at one point but no....not at all. and i dont mind it

GLIMMER SAID I LOVE YOU TWICE TO BO AND THEN BO SAID IT BACK AND KISSED HER DSFKSDLBJDS FOREHEAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE MARA!!!

the fights this season have been SO! GOOD!

i love how they’ve set up that Glimmer is a fucking POWERHOUSE. she can turn the tide of battle in a blink!

naturally they pit Micah against Glimmer. jfc this poor family....

there is something important about Prime not remembering Mara....

SHE BEAT MICAH SHE BEAT HIM!!!! WALKING RIGHT THROUGH HIS STORM OF DARK MAGIC.

SCORPIA CRADLED BO LIKE A BABY

SHADOWWEAVER SAVING CATRA? FOR ONCE???? FOR ONCE CHOOSING CATRA OVER POWER????? FUCK THAT’S CATHARTIC EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY TO GET ADORA TO THE HEART

catra has such a soft heart really. she still, after everything, loves shadowweaver. god....

SHE SAID SHE WAS PROUD OF CATRA. SHE --- SHE - SHE SACRIFICED HERSELF. GOD THE VOICEACTING FOR CATRA WHEN SHE - ADORA FALLING TO HER KNEES. THEIR PSEUDO MOTHER... AGHLDJDWFJJDSLF

FUCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk

EVERY SINGLE LINE IS SO GOOD, so well-acted. the ‘im ready’ the way she says ‘catra’ like she can’t take anything anymore

i couldn’t write anything for the whole rest of that i was just covering my mouth with my hands

The fuckiN KISS! the look of PURE LOVE on ADoRA”S FACE

which in the back of my head - they cannot actually cut that in any way - it’s impossible to cut

adora with those blue eyes in the blaze, the magic is beautiful adora excising prime from hordak’s mind (WOW), adora and catra touching foreheads and the slight PURR you can hear, adult bo and glimmer (lookin so nice), adult catra (LOOKING SO HANDSOME in her prom-y outfit,) Glimmer chasing Catra, just, GOD, THE UTENA FUCKING REFERENCE, the way they say they love each other, my GOD, Scorpia being like woah perfuma you look nice, MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD THEM GOING TO SPREAD MAGIC TO THE UNIVERSE GOD!!!!!!

every single thing in this season was worth 4 seasons of enjoyable, entertaining, interesting, frustrating and meh. WOAH! WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#she ra #i have been BLOWN! AWAY!!! EVERYTHING WAS WORTH IT #my stuff #vidi #THiS WAS AN EXPERIENCE #OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

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shattersstar · 5 years

Text

one day at a time

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader Prompt: A young kid with black curly locks, save the white streak though. He was clad in bright colours, a domino mask shielding his face. But Jason knew him, he knew him all to well. “I didn’t give up.” The young boy, who’s voice sent a shiver up Jason’s spine, whispered. “And look what happened to you.” He hissed as you turned his face towards you. “Hey, don’t do that.” You held his chin between your index finger and thumb, brow quirked as Jason rolled his eyes. He was too exhausted to stay angry. aka the time Jason was bleeding out and some old friends come to talk him out of dying. Again. Warning: angst, injuries a/n: ive been trying to write,,but my brain is dead so take this its been sitting in my drafts for weeks? months? i dont remember. feedback is always appreciated

I know you’re feeling weighed down tonight / And you can’t find the breaks / Every day is too long for you / You were sworn to your fate / But we got everything we need, baby / In the memories we make / In a world of reinventions / It’s never too late

Jason didn’t startle awake, he wasn’t foggy of his surroundings with adrenaline pumping dangerously through his system. He was slow to blink his eyes open, a low groan pulling from his lips as he tried to push himself up. His arms ached as he dropped them back to his side, staring up at what used to be a ceiling. There was now a large gaping hole from where he had been thrown through. Part of his helmet was broken away, blood dripping into his eyes, some of the metal dug into his eyebrow. He let out another grunt, back shifting against the ground. The ringing in his ears had faded and the low hum of the fluorescents brought him back to the real world.

Besides that, it was eerily quiet. Maybe the metas who were hired to kill him (or so Jason assumed) weren’t coming to finish the job, but he highly doubted that. He tried to wipe the blood out of his eye, mind far off as he barely debated what his next move was. That was until a small laugh alerted Jason, he shouldn’t have been laying here so long. He tried to sit up again, until someone placed a hand on his forehead, gently pushing his head back into the ground. “How do we always find ourselves here?” You tsked, walking around him. Jason sighed, rigid body relaxing once again.

“Guess it’s pretty common for me to be bleeding out in warehouses huh?” He replied, only now realizing how dry his throat was. You frowned at his words, squatting next to him. You always did hate when he made jokes about his death. The only time you didn’t express your dislike was when he said he was going as a zombie for Halloween. “I think the bride of Frankenstein would be better.” You had hummed, fingers brushing the white streak of hair out of his face.

“What’re you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” You countered, clicking your tongue as your fingers skirted over his knee. Jason hissed through his teeth, straining to look at you. “That looks bad.”

“A skimmed knees is the least of my problems.”

“Guess so.” You stood at your full height, one leg on either side of his body. You sat down, straddling him. Jason let out a groan, sudden pain ricocheting through his body. “You always did have trouble letting me be on top.”

“Ha ha.” He managed to keep his sarcastic edge, while your smirk pulled into a grin.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Laying here where you could be found, bleeding out, not calling for help; take your pick.”

“I was gonna call Tim.”

You frowned again, “We both know he’s out of the city.” Jason closed his eyes, a sigh pulling from his lips. “And we both also know your comms aren’t working.”

“Your point being?”

“You know my point.” Jason stayed quiet, eyes now trained on the sky he could see through the ceiling. You followed his gaze, shaking your head. “You haven’t acknowledge the fact your waist it cut open.” You moved to sit on the ground beside him, crossing your legs as the pain in his side exploded into his mind. He contained a string of curses as he looked down at it, his gloved hand cradling the wound.

“Thanks for that.” He muttered, turning to face you.

“You can’t ignore the pain Jason, I’m not going to let you.”

“Why not?” He damn near whined. He was so tired, he had gone through so much and wouldn’t you of all people just let him be? Let him stay there until his veins no longer pumped with blood, and his mind finally went quiet. Till the pain in the world stopped being his responsibility. He was already on his way to becoming empty, only living to fight despite the fact you’d always remind him, “that’s not a life Jason, not a true one and one I know you don’t wanna live.” He used to hate how well you knew him, how you could piece together his thoughts before he could, and how you always spoke with such love in your voice. He thought you would stop one day, that the fullness of your heart would shrink, but it never seemed to. Even now he knew your words were fabricated out of that love you had often wrapped him up in, taking a moment to shield the world from the boy you cherished.

“Because you promised me something.”

“And I broke it when–”

“No, not that one. You promised me you’d fight like hell to come back home. I knew you couldn’t promise to come back, but I knew you could promise to try.” Jason didn’t notice the tears pooling into his eyes till you pulled his helmet off, a hand cupping his cheek. He leaned into your touch, letting the mixture of blood, sweat and tears run onto your skin.

“I miss you.” You broke, unable to keep that love inside as you spoke softly. Jason replied by placing a kiss onto your palm, you felt so warm, so real. “You can’t do this though, you have to try.”

“I don’t want to.” He admitted, as you let out a long exhale.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t care what you want. Your life is so much bigger than just you and you know that. You don’t have to want to, or succeed even, but you just have to try my love.”

“It would be better this way.”

“No it wouldn’t Jason.” Your voice strained, cracking as you sniffled. You buried your head in your hands, shoulders slumped. Jason tried to open his mouth to tell you not to cry, he didn’t want this fleeting moment to be like this. He wanted your smile and warm kisses, but no words could form, they all choked in his throat and jolted around his skull.

“Y/n’s right y’know.” A familiar voice suddenly added, feet shuffling in the shadows behind you. You looked over your shoulder, nodding as you scrubbed a hand over your face. Jason’s heart rate spiked as he squinted at the figures until you placed a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, just friends.” You soothed, moving to sit on your knees. “Call him, because we both know this isn’t your time.” Your fingers scathed over his hairline, twirling his white locks in your hand before brushing them away from his face. You slipped your other hand into his pocket, pulling out the small device Bruce had given him all the years ago with a nervous expression. “For whenever you need it.” He had said, looking off in the distance as Jason took it with hesitation.

You placed it in Jason’s free hand, closing his fist around it. “They’re gonna find him soon,” The familiar voice was matched to a face as Roy stepped into the light, smiling softly. “Hey Jay.” He waved, his other hand wrapped around someone else's. A young kid with black curly locks, save the white streak though. He was clad in bright colours, a domino mask shielding his face. But Jason knew him, he knew him all to well. “I didn’t give up.” The young boy, who’s voice sent a shiver up Jason’s spine, whispered. “And look what happened to you.” He hissed as you turned his face towards you.

“Hey, don’t do that.” You held his chin between your index finger and thumb, brow quirked as Jason rolled his eyes. He was too exhausted to stay angry. You hummed in approval, pressing a kiss to Jason’s forehead. Your lips lingered against his skin as they slipped down his broken nose to his split lip. “We’ll meet again my love, I can promise you that.” You said softly, mouth hovering over his before you left him with the faintest of kisses. Jason’s eyes fell shut as did yours. Your kiss was a phantom touch, barely there and gone the next minute.

His eyes shot open, scanning the room as the voices of the men who had bested him erupted from above. His helmet was strewn aside, the only light now from the stars as the light bulbs had finally flickered out. The only light being from the stars and the flashing of the distress signal wrapped in Jason’s hand of course.

He stayed unmoved as he tried to remember the way your lips felt on his, wishing he could’ve said all the things he mulled over in the dark of your once shared apartment. But part of him knew you heard it all, or at least the version he stored in his mind did. Maybe it was too idealistic for someone like him to imagine there would be some chance of seeing you again, but wasn’t everything about him just that? He was the boy who died and lived again, and one day he’ll die (again) and you’ll come to brush the hair away from his face, kissing his forehead and taking him by the hand to the place you were waiting in.

But till than, he’ll keep his promise to try.

#this is inspired by the sam smith song btw #well sorta it just ended up working well with the idea i had #i also couldn't find a link for it whelp #red hood x reader #jason todd x reader #jason todd imagine #red hood imagine #dc imagine #dc x reader #dc #writing

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mellz117 · 5 years

Text

Hello and welcome to the start of Mellz Plays Kingdom Hearts Re:CoM on the Playstation 2; Riku’s campaign

If you haven’t seen my thoughts on Sora’s story, why not start with Part 1? For the 5 of you who’ve been following along since then, welcome back! Check out the rest under the read more! I’m playing on standard difficulty so if I’m having a hard time, I just suck.

So we, as Riku wake up in the basement of Castle Oblivion. How did he get there? Sora just waltzed in like it was no big deal. Riku has to materialize in a cold basement and be woken up by the disembodied voice of an all too familiar bastard… Who has a new voice.

Thanks for the card, voice of Ansem, “Seeker of Darkness”. That ain’t him. It’s been almost 10 years and I don’t remember much of this game but I know that new Richard Epcar voice ain’t Ansem.

Riku’s got no time to waste, he’s a man on a mission.

So we get a melancholy scene with Riku happening upon the room Maleficent gave him during his association with her in the first game. Memories he’d rather forget.

After progressing a bit, the disembodied voice returns once again to taunt Riku. “You cast aside your home, your friends, the darkness. What else do you have? Nothing. Your heart is as empty as your old room.”

It’s so weird playing as Riku but I hope we get more of that beyond KH3 (ReMind hasn’t released at the time of writing this)

Alot of this game so far has been me saying “I don’t remember this”… …So I don’t remember Riku’s level up system being this different to Sora’s.

…well that’s bullshit. I vaguely remember that. The fact that I can’t even edit the order my cards appear to me in battle is even more bullshit. I like to organize my cards by type and value until I’m forced to use a different method.

So I dont have to wait for the reload gauge to count down, it’s immediate and I dont lose a card on every reload like I thought I remembered… What’s the catch? I don’t trust like that.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

We meet up with Maleficent at the end of the map. She’s 100% aware she’s a figment of Riku’s memory. Riku is none too pleased to see her.

I love his sass

Riku’s ready to kick the asses of everyone corrupted by darkness, including his own, he says. Time for a dragon fight because otherwise Maleficent isn’t a threat apparently lmao. I don’t think the mcguffen card even showed up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Oh look it’s that asshole. Or is it? Dun dun dunnnnn. God his lips look soft. Why was this necessary???

So who has dominion over this castle? Marluxia, or Ansem?

This fucker is like “Sonny, you couldn’t even win against Sora. You don’t stand a chance against me”.

You have a teenager lying on the ground... Please reword your demands.

Oh my god it’s Mickey Mouse! well… sort of. He’s a bright light. Gives Riku some nice words to keep him going.

Knowing what I know now about the Guardian heartless bro, everything is so much worse…

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Ooh first scene with the boys in the dark room. “Don’t I even warrant a hello, Lexaeus?” I don’t remember seeing this as funny before but now, like 10 years later I appreciate how funny it truly is. Zexion sounds so insulted.. Lexaeus is a man of few words. Then Vexen shows up and he’s getting right down to business. Zexion’s like “Nice to see you too. We all used to be so close, what happened?”

Vexen’s all offended about that and gets pissy about “rank this, rank that, ooh I’m number 4, you shrimpy child.” as if your number indicated rank. Xigbar is the 2nd member but Xemnas’s 2nd in command is Saix (from my understanding) so sit your ass down, Vex.

So Zexion’s special talent? He smells people.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Riku smells people too?. Oh ok he can smell the darkness in his skin. Take a shower! …When was the last time he even got the opportunity?

Mickey appears before him and tells him some words of encouragement. He’s transparent because he can’t fully manifest in the castle right now. So where’s the other 50% opacity hanging out at?

“We shook hands in our hearts” omg…

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Let’s go to Neverland first yay. I did a team attack with Mickey. I remember that!

Imagine being in Riku’s stupid, dumb, giant, anime boy shoes… addressing a giant, bipedal mouse as “Your Majesty”……….. Actually my sister and I used to do that back in the day when we both were obsessed with the series. Regardless of context we’d call him “King Mickey”. It makes me cringe thinking back on it.

Oh I was gonna try to challenge myself to avoid using the dark power but I guess I dont have a choice but to use it. Might as well put points into it if that’s the case.

uses Key to Beginnings, is immediately thrown into a battle with Captain Hook oh I guess we’re not focusing on any events in these worlds they’re literally just to pad out Riku’s story. Riku is officially less Disney than Sora.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

How does Zexy know who Riku is? “Riku is here because Sora is here”. Vex that makes zero sense. What else is new?

Agrabah. Uneventful. Riku is not good at hitting small targets. Had a hell of a time fighting Jafar, or rather beating Iago to a pulp, in comparison to playing as Sora.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Next scene, and immediately like NO breath between the fade in and the scene itself, Vexen appears. And in even less time after he appears, “I take it you’re Riku?” This mofo has no time to waste. He’s a busy man.

Riku’s already tired of his bullshit and is ready to FIGHT. Same, Riku. Same.

I had him stun locked during most of this battle.

I JUST LOVE RIKU’S COMPLETE LACK OF FUCKS GIVEN HE’LL BEAT VEXEN’S SHIELD WITH HIS FISTS AND POMMEL

Vexen is a fucking twerp. And seems alot more crazy, mad scientist-y when interacting with Riku than Sora. Emphasis on “mad”. He cray

Why do they hang out in the dark? I mean, why no lamps? All I can imagine is them hanging out and barely able to actually see each other. The only way anyone knows who’s there is because Zexion can smell people, everyone else just assumes Lexaeus is there, Vexen won’t shut up about something something science, and Axel likes to hear himself talk.

Fat boi

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Zexion and Lexaeus are talking about what’s going on, I’m still not sure what they’re doing here. Like, do they want Sora for the Organization? But Marluxia wants Sora as his personal puppet? What about Roxas? Isn’t he like, in a coma or something? Just kill Sora, Roxas will wake up, and SOMEONE’S got a Keyblade wielder again. Lex says Vexen hates Marluxia and things with the replica could turn out disastrously because of it. What IS Vexen’s beef with Marly?

Ok I know it’s to pad out a second campaign but why does Riku go to SORA’S memory worlds? Unless Riku stalked him throughout the entirety of KH1, or had so visit them for darkness missions, and those are his memories as well? Idk, it doesn’t have to be explicitly stated

Oh no Riku, it’s you.

So at this point he’s aware hes a copy? Does he forget later? With Namine’s meddling? How does Vexen create a living, breathing entity out of battle data? Like, where did the body come from? Did he have it on standby for a while until the right moment?

“You’re afraid of the dark” Repliku states.. Lmao yeah, Riku- he still sleeps with a night light. Don’t tell Sora.

Repliku is like, a worse Riku as far as personality goes. The punk-ass bitch Riku from KH1 but worse. Repliku is quick to ditch the double pants with suspenders and ankle belts for a muscle suit and grass skirt. I’m not sure which one’s worse.

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! I got two level ups out of that!

I high key love Repliku’s laugh here when Riku tries to attacks him again RIGHT AFTER THEIR FIGHT. It’s adorable, hilarious, and creepy. GG David Gallagher! Check out that video if you want. [video]

Dutch angles make everything more dramatic. Unofficial rule no. 1 of cinema. Repliku peaces out and we give chase up another flight of stairs and another cutscene plays. Repliku joins Zexion, Lexaeus, and Vexen in the dark room and they talk about introducing him to Sora.

Riku finds himself alone on the next floor, yelling at empty air. Ansem shows up to taunt Riku again. This dude just doesn’t quit. God forbid he learns no means go the fuck away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Oh hey we’re in Atlantica! Maybe Riku can wash that darkness smell off his skin. Oh wait the water doesn’t really exist. And hes just a human, not swimming like a mermaid. Give me mer-Riku, you cowards. Twiggy mer-Sora is funny, twiggy mer-Riku with buff arms would be HYSTERICAL. I had a difficult time with Ursula because poor card management and I’m avoiding battles to get this game over with, which kinda shoots me in the foot as I’m not leveling up.

Yeah I was right, he ends up thinking HE’S Riku. I honestly feel bad for the guy… he’s so scared and betrayed. I know I was shit talking him just a bit ago but I need to protect Repliku. [video]

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Give Riku a Halloween Town outfit, you cowards.

This scene between Repliku and Namine is so bittersweet. [video] Just listen to how gentle he talks to Namine. Oh, my heart cannot handle it.

This game makes me so sad. Poor Repliku, poor Namine… Larxene continues to be The Worst. Like, the ABSOLUTE worst. Was Elrena like this?

(I keep getting progressively more and more angry because I can’t upload a video file to this on desktop but I can on mobile, but if I post a video on mobile I can’t edit a read more on desktop. AND I HAVE THREE VIDEOS I WANT TO PUT IN. SO I MADE A BLOG SPECIFICALLY SO I CAN POST THEM THERE AND LINK THEM HERE)

See you in part 2, where I will continue to drag Larxene.

#mellz plays kh recom #Kingdom Hearts series #kh recom #kingdom hearts re:chain of memories #square enix #Playstation 2 #mellz post

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alicezan-ncgred · 6 years

Text

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative.

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this.

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too.

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin.

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better.

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression.

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that.

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD, Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind.

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue.

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt.

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly.

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling.

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode.

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell.

#Long post #tw: suicide #TW: Depression #Trigger Warning #TW #OCD #Anxiety #Chronic Depression #Bipolar Disorder #Bipolar #Mental Health #My mental health

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creatorofclay · 6 years

Text

Tfw art inspires you to write an angsty drabble instead of your drafts. Big oof.

Words gone. Silence hangs over them. All anger seemed to dissipate, turning the atmosphere into one more tense. Both sets of blue eyes were locked, unmoving, even as synthetic skin began to reform over one of them. As the sound of the skin crackling faded away, it was quiet again.

Say something. Please just say something. Elijah couldn't handle the stare his brother was giving him. Just a moment before they had been arguing about something so meaningless at the moment. Now, the look in Gavin's eye was a different shade of anger, one Elijah couldn't place.

"Gavin," he held a hand up to reach for Gavin, who was holding his blue stained fist to his chest, only for him to step back in reaction. Elijah stopped and dropped his hand, breaking away from his eyes as he looked down.

"Explain." Gavin's voice was gruff, yet still confused and somehow angry, "What the hell are you? Why do you look like Elijah?"

Elijah raises his eyes again, "Because I am Elijah. Or at least... A shadow of who he was."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Gavin was yelling again, stepping towards Elijah once more.

Elijah just sighed, "My body died long ago, but my mind still exists in this android."

Gavin shook his head, waving his hands, "Wait, no, shut the fuck up a second. What do you mean your 'body died long ago'? Are you... Trying to say..." He slowed his words, he couldn't say it. He clenched his fists tight, his jaw even tighter, "Eli... Is dead?" He said quietly, "And you expect me to believe that?"

Elijah frowned, "I knew you wouldn't believe it, but it's true. I... Wanted to tell you so many times but... I just couldn't. We we're getting along for a while, I just..." He looked down at his own hands, "I wanted you to have good memories with me. Not this."

"Prove it."

Elijah looked up again, dropping his hands. He wanted proof, of course he did. Luckily, he knew one thing that the detective was sure to believe, something he would know fake from real. His death certificate. Elijah walked over to a painting in the wall and pulled it away, opening the safe behind it. He pulled out one piece of paper from a pile in the back and handed it to him.

"State of Michigan, department of community health, death certificate for Elijah Louis Kamski," Elijah's tone was flat, though his eyebrows knit together as he watched his brother reading the paper over, "Date of birth, July 17th, 2002. Date of death, November 20th, 2028. Cause of death listed as widespread stage four leukemia," Gavin's eyes were wide as they searched over the page, but Elijah went on anyway, "The android at the crematory had no idea what it was getting into. But, the memory of me bringing in my own body to be secretly cremated was not one it couldn't keep."

"I-Its true then..." Gavin's voice shook a bit, quieter than it had been. Elijah took back to certificate and returned it to the safe, keeping his back to his brother as Gavin stared hard at him, "Why... Why didn't he ever say anything?" He clenched his fists tight, nails digging into his palms.

Elijah paused as he returned the picture to where it was originally. This was what he had been afraid of. Gavin no longer saw him as his brother. Now... He was just another android, "What could he say?" He answered, "What could I say when neither you or Hannah would speak to me? You were both still so angry... There was nothing I could do."

Gavin's breath seemed to catch in his throat, "So she doesn't know about this either?"

"No."

"You son of a bitch!" Gavin lashed out again as Elijah turned to face him, "How could you? How selfish do you have to be to do something like this?"

Elijah gave him a weird look, shaking his head a bit, "Selfish? Is it selfish to want to live, Gavin? So selfish to want to be able to actually make good memories with you and with Hannah when I couldn't while I was alive?" He was yelling back now, "if anything, it's generous to you!"

"No! You asshole!" Gavin stepped closer and shoved Elijah back, making his hit the wall, "Selfish that you kept it all to yourself!" He snapped, punching him again, over and over between sentences, "Selfish that not even your siblings could support you! Selfish that you didn't even want to see us in your final days! That... That..." He held his fist up as the angry tears started to fall from his face, "That you didn't even let us say goodbye."

Elijah stared at him, skin reforming once again from where Gavin hit. He hadn't thought of it like that. All he knew was that neither Hannah or Gavin really wanted to talk to him before. Saying goodbye to them, giving them that closure, why didn't he even consider it? He let himself die in complete silence, not a single soul ever knowing, while he replaced himself with an android. The tears started to stream from his own face now.

"Gavin...I... I'm sorry." He breathed.

Gavin shoved into him and turned away, aggressively wiping the tears from his eyes. He sighed, keeping his back to Elijah, "Are you going to tell her?"

"I didn't plan to."

Gavin turned back, glaring at him again, "Oh, so, what, you're just going to let her find out on her own when one day she realizes how old shes getting while you stay the same?!"

"it's synthetic skin, Gavin!" Elijah snapped back, "I can change it to look however I need to!"

"that's so fucked up!" Gavin paused, lowering his shoulders, "But that was your plan from the start, wasn't it? You weren't going to tell us at all..."

Elijah frowned, "Gavin--" Gavin holds his hand up and just storms out of the room. He's almost to the front door as he pulls out his phone and dials Hannah's number. Elijah followed him, but as he realized what he was doing, he ran over to him, "No! Dont--!"

As Elijah came close, Gavin shoved him back again, "She deserves to know."

"Gavin please, it's going to destroy her!"

"You should have thought of that before!" Gavin yelled, "Now you're tem years too late to think of us."

The phone picked up before Elijah could protest further, chatter faint in the background, but her voice clear in the receiver, "Hello? Gav, what's up?"

She sounded cheerful, happy. And Gavin was about to ruin that.

"Hey, sis, gotta a sec?" He kept his eyes locked on Elijah who was silently pleading with him with his eyes.

"Yeah, sure, hold on. I'm out with a few coworkers, let me get somewhere quiet." There was a quiet "I gotta take this, it's my brother" before she seemed to move to another room, a bathroom by the sound of the echo, "What's on your mind?"

Gavin hesitated, forcing himself tk look away "Its... Elijah, have you talked to him?"

"He called me yesterday, yeah, why?" He tone immediately changed to one of concern.

"I mean, really talk to him. In person."

"Gavin, what's going on? Did something happen to Elijah?" Her voice was much more serious now, "Is he in some kind of trouble?"

Gavin glanced up at Elijah again who had his head in his hands, waiting for the worst, "... No, I... Just hadn't heard from him. Figured I'd make sure he wasn't dead or something."

Elijah looked up quickly at him, as Hannah still seemed pretty concerned, "You're acting really weird, Gav. What aren't you telling me?"

Elijah was shaking his head, but Gavin turned away from him again, "No. We had a pretty bad fight, that's all. I won't call the prick myself, but, maybe you should."

"He seemed fine yesterday but... I'll call him when I get home. Okay?"

"Yeah, alright. Talk to you later, Han." He gave a sigh as he dropped his hand and looked to Elijah again. He pointed to him before he could say anything, "You can tell her yourself. And if you don't, I swear, I'll make you wish you did."

Elijah just watched as Gavin walked out the door, slamming it shut behind him, mumbling something about the "plastic pricks" as he did. Elijah started to turn to away when he heard Gavin let out a loud yell, followed by a loud car alarm. It only had the chance to blare a couple times before he shut it off and zoomed away from the house. Elijah looked at his hand, synthetic skin pulling back to show the white plastic frame underneath.

"What have I done?" He whispered.

#false face must hide what the false heart doth know // android au #nothing can come of nothing; speak again // gavin and hannah #not all memories lost are forgotten // drabble #have this

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katymacsupernatural · 6 years

Text

A Hard Goodbye

Dean Winchester x Reader

900 Words

Written For: SPN Angst Appreciation Day 2018. Requested by Anon

Warnings: Angst

It was the worst type of countdown you could have imagined. Each day that passed, knowing that it was growing closer and closer to the end, it was almost too much to bear. Each night a reminder that you were down another day. Another day closer to the time you would have to fess up your greatest secret.

With only days left, you were always on edge, jumping at the slightest noise. Your hands always seemed to tremble, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest. If Dean noticed, he didn’t say anything, and for that you were grateful. Because it gave you time to figure out what to do.

It wasn’t until you started to see things that you knew a decision had to be made. Dean was starting to get curious, asking if you were feeling okay, staying close by your side. After sending him on a useless errand, you sat down on your shared bed.

“This is it,” you whispered, staring at everything you had come to hold dear. The memory foam mattress that Dean had fallen in love with. The soft flannel comforter you had forced him to buy. With tears in your eyes, you picked up the photo album you had started only months ago when you realized your time was fleeting. Pictures of you and Dean. Cuddling on the bed, sitting and watching the stars. Pictures of the three of you taken by Jody, showing how happy your life had been.

Reaching over to the nightstand, you opened the drawer, pulling out the notepad you kept there. “Dean, I’m sure by the time you find this note I’ll be long gone. Please forgive me for the words I said, I meant none of them. I love you, more than I thought I could love another person. You made me so very happy, and I hope that I made you happy as well. Those words I said were meant to keep you from following me. You see, I made a deal ten years ago, never imagining I would find something to live for. Someone. I had sold my soul, the reason doesn’t matter, and as the days ticked away, I knew I couldn’t have you there when the hellhounds finally came to get me. I’d rather have you mad at me then watch me be torn apart. So I left. I hope in time you’ll forgive me. But I also hope that in time, you’ll be able to move on. I will always love you, but I hope you find someone that you can love again.”

Tears dotted the paper as you folded it up, placing it in the photo album next to your favorite picture. Shutting it, you placed it back in its place just as Dean came back into the bunker. “Y/N, I got the items you wanted!”

Taking a deep breath, you picked up your suitcase, even though where you were going you wouldn’t need it. Pulling it behind you, you stepped into the hallway just as Dean rounded the corner. “Y/N! Wait, what’s going on?”

“Dean, I’ve done some thinking lately,” you started, trying to keep calm even though you were dying inside. “And I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on.”

“What the hell? I thought this thing between us was special,” Dean answered the bag slipping from his fingers as he strode forward.

“Sure, maybe it was to you. But Dean, I need to move on. To something normal,” you insisted.

“So, this was just a temporary distraction, was that it? A fling before you went back to someone boring?”

“Everything is temporary, this was merely one of those things,” you told him. “So, goodbye Dean. I wish you well.”

“No,” he muttered as turned around. Partly so you could leave, partly so he would see the tears threatening to fall. “No, I can’t believe this. You couldn’t have faked those emotions.”

“Maybe they weren’t fake. Maybe I did feel something, for a while. But it’s faded, and I want to leave before we make fools of ourselves.”

“Fine,” he spat. “Then go! Leave this life, and leave me. But Y/N, if you walk out that door, I swear to Chuck that you will never be welcomed back.”

It was what you had wanted, but hearing the venom in Dean’s voice directed at you was enough to have your knees buckling. Trying to stay strong, you continued forward. “I guess that’s a choice I’ll have to make.”

He didn’t move to follow you, exactly as you had hoped. Taking a deep breath, you stepped out into the fresh air, immediately getting drenched. “Of course it’s raining,” you muttered, but at least it covered the tears pouring down your cheeks.

“I can help with that,” An accented voice announced from beside you. Turning to face the man in the dark, tailored suit, you immediately knew who he was. Sure, you had a day left before your sentence was up, but it wasn’t like you had anything to live for anymore.

“Sure,” you agreed, reaching out and taking his hand, leaving your suitcase on the side of the road.

Dean/Jensen Tags: @acreativelydifferentlove @a-girl-who-loves-disney @akshi8278 @anokhi07 @aubreystilinski @bebravekeeponfighting @bobasheebaby @brindz30 @colette2537 @crusadedean @darthshreydar @dean-winchesters-bacon @deanwinchesters-impala67 @haelyn @horsegirly99 @ikeneasul11 @imascio08 @its-not-a-tulpa @just-another-winchester @lady-phoenix-of-tardis @librarygeekery @mlovesstories @msimpala67 @love-charmer-sketch @michirutenshi @pisces-cutie @ria132love @ruprecht0420 @shadowhunter7 @sizzlingbearpolice @sleep-silent-angel @sortaathief @superseejay721517 @thegrungequeer @thewinchestergirl1208 @torn-and-frayed @wonderfulworldofwinchester

Forever Tags(CLOSED): @16wiishes @4401lnc @algud @amanda-teaches @andkatiethings @andreaaalove @angelsandwinchesters @anspgene @artisticpoet @atc74 @be-amaziing @bemyqueenofdarkness @bohowitch @buckysmetalgoddamnarm @bumber-car-s @brooke-supernatural16 @brunettechick @camelotandastronauts @captainradicalpassion @chelsea072498 @clairese1980 @captainemwinchester @darthdeziewok @destiels-new-girl @donnaintx @dont-you-dare-say-misha @dslocum89 @duckieburns @docharleythegeekqueen @emmazach @emilicious-7 @emoryhemsworth @ericaprice2008 @esoltis280 @essie1876 @generalgoldfishldrm @goldenolaf25 @growningupgeek @herbologystudent252 @heyitscam99 @highfunctioning-soiciopath @hms-fangirl @hobby27 @ichooseeternalplaces @imboredsueme @internationalmusicteacher @ithinkimadorable-67 @iwriteaboutdean @jayankles @jensen-gal @just-another-busy-fangirl @karlee-fay-my-wayward-son @keelzy2 @leanbeankeane @lifelovelaughangell123 @li-ssu @littleblue5mcdork @lowlyapprentice @luciferslucille @maui137 @mellowlandrunaway @mogaruke @nanie5 @natashacamillaus @newtospnfandom @offbeatsilhouette @offbeatwriting @percussiongirl2017 @pilaxia @pizzarollpatrol @plaid-lover-bay25 @roonyxx @ronja-uebrick @rosegoldquintis @roxyspearing @samanddeanmyheroes @sandlee44 @shamelesslydean @sillesworldofwriting @sgarrett49 @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @smoothdogsgirl @spnbaby-67 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @spnwoman @sunskittlex @starry-chaos @superbadassnatural @thebikiniinspector @theflameontheinside @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @tina8009 @totallovelesson @tunadean @vvinch3st3r @walkslikesummeractslikerain @whimsicalrobots @wildlandfox @winchesterbrothers-inc @winchesterxtwo @winchester-writes @worldwidehansum @zombiewerewolfqueen

#spn angst appreciation day 2018 #dean winchester x reader #supernatural x reader #supernatural reader insert #katy writes #supernatural angst #dean winchester angst #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester #supernatural

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mysmewiththatstraightshit · 7 years

Note

angstangstangst. can i have headcanons of how the rfa + v would react to MC being brainwashed by rika and lead into mint eye?

Yes absolutely !! I know my writing on here so far has been super cuddly stuff, but I actually have a dark side to my writing too ;^) just ask Mod Fen.

Anyways, this will be taking place in the “Another Story” plot line, except MC assumedly gets even closer to the RFA members before MC ends up manipulated by Rika to join Mint Eye and, eventually, goes through the pain of the elixir and becomes completely devout and loses all sense of self. Onwards, yes? :^)

This got quite long and EXTREMELY angsty, so join me under the cut for tears!

Zen

Zen is known for attaching to the MC very quickly through pretty much any route. Zen adores the MC, feeling his face hurt from smiling so much as they’re always excited to see him and his selfies, and he feels like for once things are okay. He’s okay.

He’s used to being the bright and positive one, so it’s nice to get a break from that with the MC-they stay strong through it all and Zen just wants so badly to be strong and let MC take a break. They’ve done so much for everyone.

However, when the MC begins getting more and more distant, Zen grows more and more worried. He tries to hide it, but he’s obviously asking about MC more, asking how they are, if they visited the chatrooms…

As MC obviously grows more distant and distraught, and there’s obvious somethings wrong, Zen desperately tries to reach out to them more.

“MC….you dont have to go through all this alone. the RFA is here for you… im here for you. id drop everything for you.”

But the MC says everythings okay, and pushes Zen away, which just hurts the more they do it. Zen tries to act tough, but he’s working out, drinking, practicing, pushing himself in every way so he’s not wondering if MC is okay, because he knows the answer, and he knows they won’t talk about it

As the MC becomes more cryptic and more obvious about their beliefs, Zen becomes more panicked. He’s obviously trying to keep his calm, but this shit is starting to freak him the fuck out. There’s obviously way more to this than he originally thought.

“salvation…? what do you mean salvation? if theres something wrong, MC, please…you can reach out to us. it doesnt matter what time it is or what we’re doing. if youre struggling this much… please, talk to us. we’re here for you.”

His heart breaks when he offers to show a selfie jokingly and they flat out reject him.

But he tries to stay strong. He has to stay strong. If the MC is going to be okay, if he’s going to help them, he has to stay strong for them. Even when the MC is entirely on Mint Eye’s side, even when things are explained better by V, Zen still hangs onto the hope of that once bright and cheery MC. The MC he loves. If he can stay strong, he can bring them back.

But it’s when he talks to the MC again that he finally realizes that they’re gone. They’re distant, they’re hurt, they’re broken, what happened in Mint Eye had taken all the shine out of their eyes, the pep out of their talk, and Zen feels everything in him shrivel up, feels his chest tighten, feels both this overwhelming need to lie down and never get up, but also to scream and trash everything in the room.

He ends up drinking instead, and all he can do is go between his memories of the MC-bright and brilliant, always jumping for joy at the mention of his selfies, to now, where the MC feels nothing, nothing for the RFA, nothing for him, just believes in salvation and pain.

He considers it for a moment. Joining Mint Eye to be with them. But he knows it wouldn’t be the same anyways. He’d continue this fight on the right side, even if it meant going against them. But his spirit was broken. The once always positive Zen was gone.

He felt as if part of him had left and he’d never get that back. And so he just keeps drinking.

Yoosung

Yoosung had been struggling with college, his growing depression, and the loss of Rika, as well as the distrust of V. Yoosung felt torn and hopeless, and he felt like everyone around him was moving on and away without him.

So when the MC appeared, bright and smiling, willing to lend not only a hand but an ear as well, hearing out his concerns and his questions, understanding why he was stuck where he was, he was sure he’d met an angel. Someone sent by Rika, someone as brilliant, as beautiful, as wonderful as Rika.

For once in a while, he feels hope. True hope. Not the temporary distraction of LOLOL, not everyone’s attempts at trying to console him falling flat against the pain of his heart. No, true hope. He feels like if he can just reach out to MC, he can finally pull himself forward. He can be with everyone again.

But then that light in his life, only just beginning to warm his heart, begins to fade. Part of him panics, clutches to the MC, asking how they’re doing, if they’re okay, if they can call, if they can get on soon… he just desperately needs to know if they’re okay.

As they get more and more distant, he gets more and more panicky. He lashes out at V, knowing V knows more about the situation than anyone in the RFA and knowing V isn’t doing anything about it, knowing Seven isn’t pushing things, knowing everyone trusts V. He hates it. He likely ends up at Zen’s only to scream and cry while checking the chatroom again and again and again. If no one else cares, he will. Someone’s gotta listen to them, too.

As they begin to get more cryptic, more obvious, Yoosung is much more impulsive and bolder. Zen can barely get a grip on him and calm him down when it comes to V, and Yoosung never spends a moment outside the chatroom. He can’t lose them. He can’t lose them. It’d be losing her all over, and he can’t handle that. Not again.

“MC, whatever your talking about, whatevers going on…please!!! please, return to us, return to your happy self… we’re all so worried, im so worried…i cant stop visiting the chatroom, hoping youre there so maybe we could talk…ive been nagging V to tell us something, anything! please, stay strong… we’ll save you! i promise!”

But they do leave. They give in. They’re gone. Yoosung can feel it the last time they talk. In the moment he knows, but his body doesn’t. He’s just numb for a bit. Zen’s a bit shocked to see him finally calm. But it’s a scary calm. And part of that scares Zen even more.

Yoosung seeks out just about anything to feel better. He rushes out of the house constantly, middle of the night, when Zen’s in the bathroom, whenever he can to be alone and just scream or cry or slam his fists against a wall. He plays video games with fire in his eyes but nothing else. It’s all so painfully numb.

It takes everything the RFA has to keep Yoosung back from talking to Rika or the MC-they know he’d turn to Mint Eye’s side in an instant. Zen especially is in tears as he physically holds Yoosung, screaming and crying, trying to get him to calm down or stop himself from running off trying to find Rika or the MC. He sees the light gone from Yoosung’s eyes and it terrifies him.

Yoosung lost Rika. And now he’s lost MC. And finally, he loses himself.

Jaehee

Jaehee works and she works and she works and she just works. That’s her life, that’s her job, that’s her free time, that’s her pain. She focuses on work, even through everything happening in the RFA-hell, the RFA is part of her work as well.

So it brightens her up a lot to have the MC, who she once distrusted so much, be like her own little cheerleader. Always on her side, always cheering her on, always there to fangirl about Zen with, always there to make life a little less about work and a little more about…herself.

She works with a spring in her step, knowing that she’ll get to be greeted on the messenger by the MC, bright and shining, excited about the newest Zen selfie, or perhaps just glad to see Jaehee get a break. Either way, Jaehee finds a reason to laugh again while typing away reports.

So when Jaehee logs in one day to see that the MC has grown distant, Jaehee feels something drop in her chest. She tries not to jump to conclusions, instead, trying to urge the MC to open up more, to talk to the RFA, to trust in them…

“I understand you’re in a complicated situation right now. Even we’re not entirely sure what’s going on…but you should not lose hope. We are right here for you, and we’re ready to take action when the time comes. V would not let anything harm you, and I believe the rest of the RFA feels the same…”

As Jaehee visits whenever she can, the MC grows more and more distant and empty, and Jaehee feels everything in her grow cold and barren as the MC becomes cryptic as well. The word salvation echoes and bounces painfully in Jaehee’s head, and she’s terrified. She’s so fucking scared for the MC but all she can do is stare at the words on a screen.

She works double hard on the Intelligence Team. Jumin is somewhat impressed by the gusto in Jaehee’s work, but it’s not excitement, passion, or any of that. It’s hurry. It’s chugging down coffee knowing that any moments she doesn’t spend making this team perfect could mean losing MC.

But it’s useless. Like she had always felt, like it had always been, her efforts were useless. The MC was gone. The MC was no longer on the RFA’s side. V’s secrets come out into the open, but Jaehee feels no relief, no satisfaction. Just more pain and twists and drops in her chest as she pieces everything together.

She goes through everything like a robot. She feels empty. Zen can tell somethings up when Jaehee doesn’t even react to a selfie of him. However, Jaehee pushes everyone’s concerns away, reassuring them that she’s fine, and they must focus on Mint Eye and saving V, and if possible, the MC.

But she’s lost. She’s so lost. The one thing in her life to make her smile as she works was gone. No, not just gone. Jaehee saw them once they had turned over, the way they spoke. They were broken. They were beyond whatever concerns the RFA had. Something worse had happened to them.

And Jaehee could never forgive herself for that. She can’t forgive herself for letting someone so bright and beautiful break like that. And so she does what she’s always done best. She works, and she works, and she works.

If overtime and coffee can kill a person, Jaehee’s headed for Death’s Road like a paper to a shredder. And she can’t care enough anymore to stop it.

Jumin

Jumin doesn’t care much for feelings. He doesn’t care much for the fact that there aren’t a whole lot of people who understand him, who want to take the time to care about him.

At least, he thought he didn’t care.

But there’s something in that that changes as he gets to know the MC, opening up more and more entirely on accident, smiling more and more as the MC laughs at his jokes no one gets, as the two talk business, philosophy, politics-he could talk with them for days about anything.

And he feels some part of him loosen, feels that tangle in his head, that knot, loosen bit by bit as they care about him and ask how he’s doing, what he’s doing, what new project he has planned. It’s not like anything he’s ever felt before. Nothing like Rika, and similar to V. This comfort and security of trusting someone.

When the MC begins getting distant however, he inwardly panics. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, what to feel. He just knows he’s feeling hell. His chest tightening, his head hurting. He offers what he can. Which are formal words, repeated phrases barely different from chats before. Believe in V. We will take action when the time calls for it.

But he wishes so badly he could say more. He doesn’t know what, but he wishes he could say something.

The point where he begins to let go of the iron grip he had on his emotions is when the MC becomes cryptic and empty. He begins getting somewhat harsh, very direct with them, asking them what the hell they were thinking, what got them into this, why they were so fucking obsessed with salvation

He gets terrified when they begin talking like Rika. He feels sick. He feels dizzy. He can’t focus. This can’t be happening.

But it is. And it does. Despite him hurrying the progress of the intelligence agency, despite his panicked calls to V, despite using every god damn inch of his brain to find the right thing to say or do, he loses them just as easily as he lost Rika, as he lost V. And it breaks him down, breaks him completely apart and wide open, emotions pouring out of a broken dam.

Everyone is shaken up seeing Jumin like this. In these situations, Jumin was always level headed. He was always calm. He was Jumin Han. He didn’t have emotions the way everyone else did. And yet Jaehee watched him drink wine like a motherfucker, Zen watched as his teasing did nothing to even provoke some dumb joke out of Jumin, and most of all, V is worried as he calls Jumin, hearing his best friend break down more and more with every call.

Jumin eventually tries to clean himself up. When V explains the situation more clearly, Jumin tries to go back to his old self, focusing on business, on leadership, on efficiency. But he slips up again, and again, and again, and he can’t stop. He can’t stop and he hates it. Why can’t it just stop like it did before. Why did it ever have to change in the first place if it was just going to end like this?

Jaehee can only watch Jumin in silence as he reads over the papers about Rika and Mint Eye. As he slowly pieces together what had happened to the MC to hurt them, to take away everything they were. All against their will. Innocent from the start, now broken.

Jaehee sees Jumin break as well as he quietly asks for her to leave the room.

Seven

Seven was a mess from the start, and he accepted its what he deserved, what he needed, just a part of him, and that it didn’t matter so long as he got the job done and Saeran was safe as well as the RFA.

That is, that’s how it was until MC started caring about him.

His dumb ad’s, his exaggerated shenanigans, his moments of weakness-the MC embraced it all. And even in moments where he panicked, where he lashed out, over call or over text, sometimes even in the chatroom, the MC would only return with warmth and kindness.

They insisted that he mattered too, that he was a good person, that he did good things, that he was protecting good people. Good. Somehow, the MC thought he was good. He was baffled.

There was some point where he began believing them, too. He started to try and take care of himself, started trying to eat full meals, clean up a little, made all sorts of programs and alarms to get him focused. He hated letting anyone in, but he already found himself brightening because of the MC.

So of course he’s beyond worried when they begin to grow distant and the hacker’s patterns start changing. He’s questioning them, he’s questioning V, he’s doing all the god damn research he can. It’s only a bad feeling, but his bad feelings are never truly just a bad feeling.

But V won’t budge, and neither will the hacker. Seven feels the panic skyrocket as the MC grows empty and cryptic, and he feels like screaming every time secrets are brought up. He leaves a million calls for V as he messes around with something, anything, making things, breaking things, hacking, he just tries to find anything to occupy his mind that isn’t the MC being in danger.

He damn near strangles his phone talking to V once the MC is gone. Damn secrets to hell, what happened to them? Seven is beyond freaked out, he’s chewing his nails, his fingers, he’s typing up a storm, texting up a storm, he’s taking bites out of chips and cookies before throwing them out, he’s dropping cans carelessly onto the floor and he’s skipping meals.

All that progress he made is easily gone the moment MC is gone.

Even Vanderwood is concerned as Seven prepares himself without cracking a single joke, without any sort of rebuttal to Vanderwood’s complaints about the mess. “This isn’t for the agency,” Vanderwood can tell. “Maybe it’s for me for once,” Seven shrugs. “Depending on how this goes, you can kick my ass later.”

Seven can save V, but when he’s there, when he reaches out to MC, telling them to quietly come with him, to escape, he finds everything in him turn to stone and shatter as they refuse. They’ve found salvation. But they say it with such pain. They say it with nothing in their eyes.

They say it the way Seven would tell the RFA not to worry about him. And that hurts Seven more than anything.

Seven hauls ass to get him and V out there. But as he fights the hacker, he feels himself losing in everything. In fighting, in the agency, in protecting Saeran, in figuring all this out. What’s the point anymore? What’s the point when they’re gone?

After V explains the situation to Seven, Seven feels what little was left of himself crumble away. And V watches in pain as all traces of the hopeful little boy Seven once was fade away.

And Seven says, in such pain, with nothing in his eyes, “Don’t worry about me.”

V grows closest to the MC easily. He finds it odd, as he realizes that they’re nothing like Rika, that they don’t feel even the slightest bit similar to Rika, and yet he’s almost comforted by that fact.

He opens up, opens up what he once thought was locked up tight and shut closed, to the MC, and he feels like the dark parts of him can shine again. He feels the dead grass and flowers in his heart begin to try and bloom again.

As he tries to find out more and more about Mint Eye, about what Rika’s doing, he finds himself growing more and more protective of the MC. He hardly knows if he can actually trust them, but he feels like he can. He feels that they’re innocent. And if that’s the case, he has to save them. He has to protect them. He can’t let their light go out.

But that moment where Ray pulls the MC way, that moments where V has to run away, has to hide without them, he becomes so afraid. He saw the look in MC’s eyes. He hears their tone over calls. He can see the way they shake as they text. They’re afraid. They’re alone. They’re vulnerable. And V can’t be there.

V finds himself falling farther and farther into his depression and self blame as the MC grows darker and darker. He doesn’t want to give his all again, fearing what happened with Rika would happen again, but he uselessly watches the MC grow more and more distant, more and more apathetic

With great fear, with the biggest twist of his heart, he’s realizing that he’s watching them slowly become more and more like Rika.

He begs them to believe in him, trust him, to talk to him, even just leaving voice calls when he can’t answer. But the secrets are too much for the both of them, and V can see Rika’s influence dripping like a venom from each of MC’s words. He can see Rika tearing apart all the brightness they had. And it kills him to just watch.

When there’s finally the chance to escape, the chance to leave with Seven, and they reject, V refuses to leave as well. He didn’t want this to happen. He never wanted there to be an innocent as pure and as bright as MC to be dragged into this, never mind get so twisted and broken by Rika’s words and drugs. And the fact that he let this happen, the fact that he felt in his heart that this all began because of him in the first place. He couldn’t even sacrifice himself now to save them. No, he was too late. He wasn’t good enough again. He was a fool blinded by love.

and so V tells Seven with a heavy heart, “I don’t deserve an escape.”

- Mod Grim

#mystic messenger #zen #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #jihyun kim #imagine post #mod grim back at it again #anonymous

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msawesomeworld · 6 years

Text

Royalty not loyalty Chapter 10

A/N: look at me writing and stuff. A little different this chapter but I liked it. And I hope you do too.

Read the previous chapters here.

“How long are we gonna play this game of pretend. Where the coldest and most ruthless and most indifferent of us win?”

- Cynthia Go

Stella’s P.O.V.

I had tried my hardest, but I still got pretty drunk from all of that champagne. I was stood on the floor, a bottle in my hand dancing to an old song.

I felt free, I swayed to the music on my own. I felt like I could fly with out a care in the world. I resented birds for that. Being able to be free and leave whenever they wanted. I could not leave, not now, not ever. I could not do that to my sister and my father.

Right in this moment though, I was free, all the shit in my life seemed far away. Someone took my hand and spun me around. I looked up at Louis and smiled. I was too drunk to care that I was dancing with him.

He lifted me up and spun me around, at first I was laughing and it was fun. Then a feeling came over me, a memory of sorts. I freaked out and screamed at him to let me down. He immediately obliged and I looked at him shortly horrified at the memory he just invoked. He looked at me scared and worried, but I was too concerned with my own pain, hiding it that was. So I ran out of the room before he could say anything. This was not something I could ever share with anyone.

I did not want to think about that, that hurt. I went to my room and picked up something I never used anymore. Only special occasions, guess this was as good as any. It had been his too had our last name engraved in it.

I held it tight and ran outside. I ran as far as my legs could carry me. I had long ago lost my heels and was just running barefoot in the grass. It was cold and wet but I liked the sensation that it gave me.

I reached the lake which was not that far from the house. I sat by the water it was dark. That kind of dark that could swallow you whole. Normally it would scare people like me but not me. I had always liked starring at those kinds of things. There was nothing better than looking at those kinds of things. Like looking up at the sky and just letting it swallow you whole, at those small moments you can be free and happy.

I never did that anymore.

I had promised him that I would but I never did. I opened the small tin box and took out a spliff. I pulled out the lighter too and warmed it a little before lighting it up taking a drag. I could feel myself relax and the worries flow away with the smoke.

“Never pecked you for a smoker.” I heard a voice behind me say. I did not bother to turn towards him, he sat down next to me.

“I am not, only on special occasions.” I said quietly taking a big drag. I knew I probably should not smoke. We used to do it and it calmed me when I thought about him. He had taught me to smoke once we were old enough to start.

“What makes this special? You freaked out in there princess.” He said and I shrugged and took yet another drag. I finally turned to face him. I blew the smoke gently towards him, he inhaled and blew it out again. I smiled a little and he took the joint from my hand and took a drag of his own. I took it back and he smiled gently at me.

“Seriously, you can tell me.” He said sounding genuine. They all did, I glared at him knowingly and scoffed.

“Right, and then you can use it against me.” I said glaring at him.

I looked him dead in the eye and took a drag. I felt my eyes close as the smoke entered my lungs. I opened them again and he was still there.

“Fuck our little game. I wanna make sure you're okay El. And if you wanna tell me I promise not to use it against you.” He said looking at me dead in the eyes. He looked like he meant it.

I took the bottle of champagne from his hand and took a big swing from it before setting it down again.

“If this ever comes out I will rip your dick off.” I said looking at him, he looked at me a little surprised first then nodded looking at me a little scared.

“My older brother, he used to pick me up like that at parties. I always hated dancing but when he did that. I felt like I was flying. You doing it now reminded me of him. He died a few years ago. Brain disease.” I said taking a drag from the spliff. His eyes widened and he pulled me into him and gently hugged me to comfort me. I did feel safe in his arms but I hated what that feeling represented: Being weak.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He said and I rolled my eyes. God I hated being patronized about him, I loved Chris to bits, he would never pity me.

“Don’t be you didn't kill him.” I said and pulled away from him. I needed some space for this. His stupid sweet gestures was not gonna help with this. He looked at me a little shocked but let me do it.

“I dont know what to do here.” He said and I shrugged and looked at him.

“Nobody asked you to be here.” I said and his look saddened a little.

I knew it hurt him but I did not care. He had brought up some sad memories from my life. Besides I did not need nor want his help or comfort. I handled this like I always did and he could not help me. I liked him sure he was fun to be around. I was just too trained for perfection. Too fucked up. He seemed to handle it way better than I did. Maybe it was better to have parents that did not care and was not there, than a parent who played you like a doll. This was good stuff, because that was deep.

I took one last drag from the spliff before turning it off. He had not moved even through my deep thoughts.

“I still want to be here though.” He said and I rolled my eyes.

 “No. You want to get under my skin, because then it will be easier to manipulate me.” I yelled before getting up and walking back towards the house.

“You honestly think I would use your dead brother against you? You're seriously fucked up.” He said back catching up beside me.

“Why shouldn’t you? Everything in this world is just mind games. It was careless of me to tell you.” I yelled back turning towards him.

He looked at me with a mix of anger and sadness, maybe a little pity. I felt like smacking him when he looked at me like that. Nobody pities me.

“Not everything is a fucking game Stella.” He yelled back. I stopped and walked back towards him, I stood my ground and looking him dead in the eye.

“Prove it then.” I yelled back.

I did not trust him, how the hell could I? So far he has only proven to be as good at making games as any of us. I stood there with my hands on my hips. I probably looked like a mess but I did not care. I wanted to see what he would do with it. Tell more lies? He looked at me frustrated and angry, he turned on his heel and then back towards me. It was like a weird wave had come over him. His facial expression changed quickly and before I could actually read it he cut me off.

“Fine.” He said in a little calmer but still annoyed voice.

Before I could properly react he pulled me into him and smashed his lips against mine. They were soft and I could feel the little pricks of his beard on my face to. At first I did not react I just stood there stunned for a second.

He was kissing me.

As soon as my brain had registered it my body reacted by kissing him back. I closed my eyes and could feel myself gripping at his neck and hair. My brain had shut pretty much off, I could not control myself I just wanted to feel more of him. I wanted him so bad. He returned the gesture by pulling me closer to him.

Everything faded, all of the sadness and anger and distrust seemed to fade into the darkness. I could not think about any of it. All I could do is cherish this feeling, this feeling of content. Like something inside of me was clicking, knowing this was so right. My logical brain screamed at me to stop this, but I could not. I had not felt this good since before Chris died. I simply felt alive.

It probably lasted for a few minutes before my brain finally got some control and I pushed him off of me. He stood back looking at me. He looked almost vulnerable. If I had not been panting a little myself I would thought that it was not genuine.

“Wow.” He said being the first one to break the silence. I just stared at him a little angrily. I would be lying to myself if I said I did not feel anything kissing him. But looking at him now, all I could see was lies and deceit, and this feeling I was having was completely in my head. I got angrier the more I realised he was playing me.

“Fuck you.” I said before turning around walking back to the house.

I left him standing there in the grass. I could not wrap my head around any of this. Maybe I was too drunk and stoned to tell properly.

How the hell does a kiss prove that he is not just playing some stupid game with me.

Unless he actually loves me or something.

Like that would ever happen.

No one really loves anything in this world.

Our only love is power and money, and we both already had plenty of those.

A/N: I hope you liked that. If you want to read other stories by me do so here.

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quack-and-yellow · 7 years

Text

Free Fall – Max Meyer One Shot

For Anna. Thanks for the plot! Tweaked it a bit – hope you don’t mind. :)

Also, my sister and my good friend Dana talked me into being “un-petty” when it comes to writing, and I love them too much to resist. So here’s a fic about the only Schalke player I can stand. :)))))

—

Ibiza was a bad idea. Anna knew it, yet she agreed to go with her best friends. If anything, it was a test for her heart – if she had already moved on from her breakup.

Too soon, Anna, she thought bitterly as she looked away from the couple who started making out on the beach deck chair in front of her. Too soon.

If she could have her say about breakups, it’s that the bawling and the sleepless nights aren’t the worst parts. The shittiest part is what comes after. How it taints just about anything – names, places, things and holidays. She ended up hating something she used to enjoy, simply because it reminded her of her ex.

In this case, the world’s party capital had his name written all over it – where he almost tripped when he was drunk, where they made out, where they watched the sunset… She used to love the beach and getting a tan, the nightlife and possibly everything about Ibiza. Now she hated it. It was hot and crowded and not at all breathtaking. Her ex ruined it for her.

“You are turning into somewhat of a killjoy,” Brenda huffed.

Anna glanced at Brenda and knew her friend was referring to her. She noticed Brenda’s tan lines for the first time, with her blonde hair pulled into a messy bun. On a normal day, she would have been envious. Brenda always gets the sexiest tan lines.

“It’s our second day here,” Carmen added, who was also tanned to perfection. Her sandy brown curls blew in the wind. “We haven’t gone to a single club because you sleep earlier than my grandmother.”

“My grandma is more fun than you,” Brenda chided.

Anna opened her mouth to argue, but thought better and quickly shut it. It’s true, she planned to spend her whole stay cooped up in their room, which wasn’t such a bad idea with a queen-sized comfy bed, Netflix and greasy hotel food. No wonder the harsh sun blinded her the moment her friends dragged her sorry ass out.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Carmen accused.

“Oh, get a grip. It’s been, what, two months?” Brenda said, frowning.

“A month and a half, I think,” Carmen corrected.

“Still a long time to be sitting around moping, if you ask me,” the blonde said with a smirk.

“Hello? You’re talking about me in front of me,” Anna snapped. “What kind of friends are you?” She snatched Brenda’s margarita and took a long sip.

“The kind who only wants the best for you,” Brenda said, snatching her drink back. “The kind who can be brutally honest with you because you need it.”

Anna threw her hands in defeat. “God, fine, what do you want to do?”

Shrieks and laughter suddenly pierced the monotonous crashing of waves on the beach. Anna looked at the direction of the noise.

“Oh wait,” she said, wriggling her eyebrows at them. “I know what I want to do.”

***

The cliff-diving spot was the only untainted spot in Ibiza that Anna could remember. She has always wanted to try it, but her ex wouldn’t let her and he never said anything about accompanying her. Maybe he was scared? What a loser.

“There are so many hot guys here,” Brenda said, giggling. “Hot, daring guys are a yes in my book. Good call, Anna.”

Carmen reprimanded her with a shake of the head then turned to her other friend. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Anna almost replied, yes, ever since my first day in Ibiza with him, but that would mean he’s still part of this spot. Anna wouldn’t allow it. This was her spot. She nodded. “Should I go first?”

“Wait!” Brenda hissed. “You should ask one of them to jump with you.”

“Do you ever quit?” Anna shot her a dirty look, but she couldn’t deny that her friend was right. An adventurous spirit sure is attractive.

“Come on, just for fun?” Brenda pressed eagerly.

“Yeah,” Carmen chimed in, eyeing a guy in red board shorts.

Anna rolled her eyes and surveyed the few ones who hadn’t jumped yet. “Okay, I choose that short guy.” She pointed at a blond in black board shorts who was horsing around with two of his friends. They were trying to push each other off the cliff.

“But that’s…” Carmen whispered. “That’s Max Meyer.”

“I know,” Anna said nonchalantly, flipping her long hair. “I mean, what do I have to lose? I got dumped, right?”

She also knew that a famous person like Max would refuse, and that was all she needed to get her friends off her back.

Anna strode confidently towards the guys, but she felt all poise dwindle when Max met her gaze. She quickly averted her eyes and, in the last minute, turned to his friend in pink shorts instead.

“Hi!” she greeted cheerfully, mustering her cutest smile. “I’m Anna.”

“Hi, Anna.” Pink Dude gave her a once-over, which made her freeze from self-consciousness. “What can I do for you?”

“It’s – it’s my first time to try this.” Anna gestured at a couple that just jumped, their shrieks fading into a splash below. “I was wondering if I could ask you to jump with me?” She fluttered her eyelashes for good measure, which made her cringe inside. What the hell, Anna?

“I can jump with you,” Max offered from behind Pink Dude.

Anna’s mouth dropped open and she glanced at her friends, panicking. He’s supposed to say no!

The Schalke midfielder’s expression was that of indifference but there’s also no denying the confidence, even in his voice. He might be the shortest but he looked like the badass boss – and with a tattoo sleeve to boot. The thought made Anna want to laugh and, to her mortification, an actual snort escaped her. Max raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oh! Oh, wow,” she exclaimed, laughing nervously. “Wow, that’s so kind of you. Thank you.”

The two taller guys stepped back to give them space on the edge. Anna peered down and gulped. The heads bobbing below looked so tiny. It was deeper than she thought.

“Don’t look down,” Max said. His tone almost sounded like an order.

She drew in a shuddered breath and squeezed her eyes shut.

“Do you want to run or just jump from here?” he asked.

“J-jump… here,” she stammered.

Max took her hand, and he didn’t say anything about how dead cold it was. Anna opened her eyes and looked into his blue ones and then at their hands clasped together. Her heart hammered in her chest and her knees buckled. She bounced on the balls of her feet so he wouldn’t notice.

“Ready?” he asked.

She took a deep breath and nodded. Max counted to three under his breath, squeezed her hand and then together they leaped through the air.

The water was surprisingly warm, and sinking into it was strangely calming. It blocked everything out. Anna wished she could open her eyes and see what it looked like underwater. It was only when she felt a tug at her hand that she realized Max was with her. She let herself be pulled back up to the surface.

Max was the first to break out of the water. He watched as she slowly blinked away the sting from the saltwater and felt around to check if her bikini was still intact. When he realized this, he looked away, his cheeks burning.

“Stay close to me,” he said in between gulps of air.

Anna squinted at him and slipped through his grasp, breaking into a freestyle stroke away from him, away from the noise.

“Hey!” he called, chasing after her.

She ducked under, grateful for the warmth and hush of the water. She stayed underneath until she felt her lungs burn. When she resurfaced, she was a good distance away from the people and the cliff itself.

“You’re not a first-timer,” Max said, swimming towards her.

Anna began treading water. She couldn’t help but laugh even as she panted.

“So you’re not? It’s just a bet or what?”

She couldn’t tell if he was pissed because he had the same indifferent look and tone. “In the first place, I asked Pink Dude to jump with me,” she argued.

He chuckled. “That’s Samy.”

They looked at the distant cliff and could barely hear the noise from the people. The crashing of waves was soothing to Anna’s ears.

“It’s my first time, I swear,” she said. “But I’ve always wanted to do it.”

“Why just now?”

She paused, trying her best not think of the real reason. “I’m trying to make new memories of this place.”

Max tilted his head sideways, smirking. “Cheesy. Got dumped here or something?”

Anna bit her lip, tasting the saltwater. His brash statement felt like a slap on the face, but she quickly dismissed it. She knew she couldn’t hold it against the football player, who was a stranger to her feelings.

When she didn’t respond, Max averted his gaze, realizing his rudeness. “It’s brave of you to try something new,” he mumbled, floating on his back.

“Thanks,” Anna said quietly. “Thanks for jumping with me too.”

Max closed his eyes and smirked again.

She floated on her back too and spread her arms sideways. She tilted her face to the sun and felt her skin starting to burn. Their fingers touched and soon the skin of their arms as they floated side by side. Anna smiled. For the first time in a long while, she felt at peace with her heart. With Ibiza. With the world.

“Hey.” Max’s voice broke into her thoughts, and a splash on her face startled her. “We should head back.”

She glared at him and splashed him back. They did it for a while, chasing each other on the surface.

“Race you to the shore?” he challenged.

Anna won, and she didn’t dare tease him about his height because, in truth, he was still taller than her. Max grumbled good-naturedly when he reached the shore. With both hands, he wiped the water from his face and rubbed his blond head. Anna couldn’t help but run her gaze appreciatively on his bare upper body. Droplets of water glistened on his skin and ran in rivulets down his toned chest and stomach. She blushed and guiltily lowered her gaze to the white sand.

She pondered on the fall earlier. There was no time to think about anything because it happened so fast, but she remembered feeling weightless. As if nothing mattered – just the pull of gravity. And it felt good. Someday, she would be ready to fall again.

“Anna,” Max said, and the sound of her name in his voice – in a friendly tone – made her stomach flip.

She looked up cautiously and found the corner of his lips turned upward in a smirk. She felt his expression growing on her.

“Want to try again?” He held out his hand to her.

Anna’s fingers tingled with excitement. She smiled and took his hand.

#max meyer #max meyer imagine #max meyer one shot #max meyer fanfic #football fanfiction #for a dortmund fan i enjoyed writing this #even if it took me 4382 years #im hopeless #and the worst #also meyer is like julian brandt's older brother #who is a bad boy hahaha

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decodervon · 5 years

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disregard the last post.

i made that with a lot of anger and frustration. weve talked a lot since then and I'm... not that angry anymore. I probably shouldn't even be talking with you, but i hate how much it helped.

i hate curiosity. i always scolded you and warned you about looking for things you might not want to find and i did it. i found something i didn't want to find.

i found out you were casually dating again.

and of course you are. i mean. we "broke up" in September. it's been months. theres no reason to feel shameful or bad. I cant fault you and I cant be mad at you. and I'm still mad about some stuff, but that's not one of them.

this one hurts though. i knew i would feel like this, but i hate how much my mind keeps REMINDING ME. I'll be trying to sleep and my mind is like, "u kno she seeing someone right. they prolly banging. its prolly way better then ur tired ass sex. doesnt have to say weird fetish shit." and its LIKE. OK. I GET IT. STOP. STOP REPEATING OVER AND OVER. DONT WAKE ME UP TO REMIND ME.

i heard about it after I went snooping about your party. people said their was distinct body language and he seems to have a very outgoing personality and seemed really nice. it sounds like exactly what you need and IT KILLS ME.

I HATE I went snooping. OF COURSE this is what i get. we've talked since then and i know you feel confused and scared. best thing I could actually do for you is leave you alone and let you have a real chance at it. maybe it's a rebound. but so were we. my evil, manipulative side knows that you still feel emotionally connected to me due to calling me about Vday stuff. my pragmatic side wants to sort out a deal where i exchange emotional support for physical intimacy because I know we both want those things and know the other can give them. i can listen and talk and care about your problems and you could do whatever weird, gross, aggressive sexual stuff and not judge me (I think.) but my less evil/neutral sides know that that would throw a wrench in both our things and the best thing I can do is stay away.

that being said... I dont want to. it's like doing coke or something. like yeah, it's bad. but like. if no one knows... then maybe it's not THAT bad. like it would detrimental to us if we got together and we argued and fought. that would be unhealthy. but just... secreting away and being physical and keeping it hot and fast.. ugh. I mean. its sorta like all those fantasies you helped me with. except we wouldn't be pretending.

ugh. prolly makes me a horrible person. prolly makes US. I know you kind of want to do the same thing. I tried to cool suggest it, but you're probably conflicted about it too. I want you to just... show up late one night. some random text at like... 11pm being like, "I'm outside. should I leave?" and then I mull it over and invite you in quietly. you're wearing something impossibly hot like you do. we hug and I can tell you want to feel my body because it's been so long. we go back to my room and talk awkwardly for a few minutes. we both mention how you shouldnt be here sheepishly while ignoring the fact neither of us are protesting it very hard. you slide off your coat, looking me in the eye the whole time. that longing, sad look. that look that makes it impossible not to kiss you. I pull away after a minute and say, "this is wrong. we shouldnt be doing this." and you lean in close to my ear and whisper "hes not you." and I instinctually press my body against yours. you nuzzle into my neck as you slide your hands under my shirt, around my waist and up my back. I put my hands on your waist and take a deep breath of the smell of your hair. I say, "i dont want to hurt anyone" you said "I dont care." or more likely "no one has to know"... we appreciate each others bodies like we always should have. I go over every inch of you, knowing I might not see it again. you go over those inches of me like they're an old friend you're excited to see. you say all the terrible things I want you to say and I hurt you like you liked to be hurt. we go on for an hour. i want you to stay but i cant ask. my willpower drained with my stress. you fix yourself and disappear like an uninvited vampire. i cry. a lot. i hold myself and wish it was you. the lifetime of memories creeping back onto me. I hate myself for what I've done, but desperately try and inhale your fading scent still lingering in my bed.

ugh. I'm probably gonna end up writing something hot and complete after sharing that. I hate that I want that so bad. but I shouldnt. I have more to lose in this than you do.

you would hate me if you knew what I had been up to since. one of the other reasons I cant judge you for moving on. I've talked and reached out to many people you arent a fan of. not to spite you, but because those people knew me in intimate ways I can trust. I gained insight from talking to them and meeting with them. but that's not what I'm referring to.

im... also.. casually dating someone. it's still all pretty fledgling, as I am WAY too delicate to dedicate myself to anyone. but its... it's someone you know. some things had been happening that neither of us knew about.. and I dont want to tell you because I feel like I'd be cursing you with the same curse that I have. imaging you with that person, not being able to stop... but I know the curiosity is almost as killer for you. its.. a hard thing to figure out morally. but I dont want to jeopardize it. its... it's a once in a lifetime chance. they care about me.. legitimately. and probably more than they should with how emotionally volatile I am right now. but they dont really know how.. I am. part of me is a sweet, great guy. but another part of me is the type to want to have that night I wrote about. a secret trust where we exhaust each other physical and say all the sick things we want, knowing that the other wont judge them. (hell, anything is better than arguing)

I want to be physically wanted... but I want to be wanted by you. I loved when you would love my body. cause like... in my head, when people say things about loving me, I always diffuse it "oh she just thinks she loves me like that" "oh shes convinced herself she likes that about me" "oh she thinks that's cute now, but give it time..." and its just... innate to my awful self esteem. but body stuff? making out with me? going down on me? holding, examining and loving.. parts of me? it feels so much... truer to me. like someone couldnt lie about that. I know thats... naive to think. but that's how it feels. no one who doesnt like you is gonna put their dick in their mouth. bottom line. or go along with your fantasies that you yourself think are strange to be attracted to. i wanted you to want me so bad. i wanted you to love my body and tell me youd been thinking about it. it's such a direct link to my heart.. ugh. but that.. stuff got all messed up. I think that's what made me fall in love in the first year. you cherished my body. you worshipped it. you wanted to sherk your duties to have more of it and I was totally enthralled. that first year made me stay for so long and through so much. always chasing that high. that time where my body was all you wanted and all i wanted was your heart. and it all got so... nevermind.

the person I'm dating.. we're talking it very slow. ive.. kissed her. in fact, your vday call interrupted that kiss. can you believe that timing? thanks universe. if you're trying to say we should get back together, maybe dont kill a beautiful innocent cat next time. I was mad you wanted me to support you through death.. after you abandoned me when I needed your support so bad. I'm still kinda mad. but whatever. this isnt a mad post.

i.. its. shes.. she lets me talk about you. she knows you. maybe better than I did. its hard.. shes not experienced with.. our type of relationship so much. I try not to put much on her. for the reasons of not wanting to overburden her and to keep from forming an instant bond. I know I still have these raw, visceral feelings for you and I dont want to hurt someone I care about because of them. I dont know how you know your new guy, but my guess is: not very well. maybe it's a tinder date. maybe it's a friend of a friend. but if I had to make an educated guess, it's someone far removed who is just.. treating you well. like how you want to be treated. kind of a nobody, but that's a good thing. like if things kept being nice, cool. if they didnt work, whatever. something noncommittal. something lowkey. something you didnt have to /worry/ about. which is all... smart. but I also know that if you felt like you wanted to drive that shit into a wall, you wouldnt lose a lot of sleep over it. and you considering the tryst.. well. yeah. speaks to that effect. i... I wonder if I should have even suggested its because I can't drive my thing into a wall. its... I cant. youd understand if you knew.

theres probably only one person in your mind you would legitimately fear me dating if you sat down and thought about it. someone that wasn't just someone you didnt want me dating. not like Kayla or Grace where it would just... bug you. I mean deeper. someone that you couldnt wrest me away from. someone that your charms would fall flat because of. I'm talking Caitlyn levels of dedicated affection. and as I said, I dont want to jump in. I know how easily i fall in love. I'm taking this slow. developing a foundation. trying to figure myself. wanting someone to treat me well and watch anime and cartoons with while being warm and laughing. someone to affectionately take care of me. someone who wanted to spend time with me.. someone who's house i could come over to in the daylight.. someone who's friends were excited for her and not judgemental of her..

I get why you're dating. I'm doing the same thing for the same reasons. i need this. you need this. i wanted you to treat me these ways but i couldnt keep.. telling you how to treat me after so many years. you could write a book on me. I STILL know how to take care of you and I mostly figured it out after years. I wanted to see you try and figure me out. you didnt have to be right. I just wanted you to try. I left a breadcrumb on my IG for this story, but I never know when or if you'll ever read these. I always want to hear your feelings too. I wish you wrote like this. I wish I had a direct line to your thoughts like back in the day when you wrote. it always helped. I still check your tumblr from time to time. like the idiot I am.

ugh. like the absolute idiot I am.

(ps. I watch that last video we made like every day.)

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