#help I have been addicted to the damn album for weeks

[artsisqool]

I have no words sooo uuuh

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/08/2024 (Post Malone/Luke Combs, Central Cee, Calvin Harris/Ellie Goulding)

For a fifth week, Sabrina Carpenter remains atop the UK Singles Chart with “Please Please Please”, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, lesbian sex, confusion

Rundown

As always, we start the episode with our notable dropouts, those being songs that exit the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 and first of all, that Eminem album really crashes out this week as both “Habits” featuring White Gold and “Brand New Dance”, only lasting a single week, make their exit. As for the rest, well, Charli xcx switches out “Girl, so confusing” - helped by its Lorde-featuring duet version - with another song we’ll get back to, but other than that, we say farewell to “the boy is mine” by Ariana Grande (also helped by a remix with Brandy and Monica), “Addicted” by Zerb, The Chainsmokers and Ink, “Illusion” by Dua Lipa, “Viva la Vida” by Coldplay and, though it’s not notable, just for fun, we say goodbye to a brave soldier, “Pink Lemonade (Str8 Reload)” by LeoStayTrill. Song of the Summer indeed.

One thing you may notice this week is that older songs had a particularly nice lift, and this shows in our re-entries, as other than Ariana Grande’s “we can’t be friends (wait for your love)” returning to #66, we see a massive resurgence for *NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye”, so massive and manufactured that the song now claims to be “from” the Deadpool and Wolverine soundtrack. Yeah, okay, Justin, anything to recover your world tour. Timberlake’s boy band debuted at a #3 peak with the song in 2000, with the #1 on that week also being a debut for Madonna’s derided cover of “American Pie”. “Bye Bye Bye” only lasted 10 weeks on the chart but definitely made itself a cultural staple due to its ear-worm chorus and iconic music video, leading Anne-Marie to interpolate it in her #3-peaking “2002” from 2018. That song’s uninterrupted five-week run at #3 saw #1s from Calvin Harris, Jess Glynne, Clean Bandit and George Ezra pass it by, and I reviewed all of that back when I was just starting. The *NSYNC hit is back thanks to the release of the aforementioned superhero movie that has high enough praise on aggregate sites like Rotten Tomatoes as well as genuine fan push evident from how high this song is, that it might help the declining Marvel universe. Why am I pretending to care about that?

As for our notable gains, we see plenty of hefty boosts this week for “Ain’t No Love in Oklahoma” by Luke Combs at #56 off of the continued success of its film, Twisters, “Smalltown Boy” by Bronski Beat at #55, “You & Me” by Disclosure featuring Eliza Doolittle at #51, “WILDFLOWER” by Billie Eilish at #45, “The Door” by Teddy Swims at #25, “Move” by Adam Port, Stryv and Malachiii at #18, “Apple” and “360” by Charli xcx at #14 and #12 respectively (more on her later) and finally, making their first entry in the top 10 for whatever reason, BL3SS, CamrinWatson and bbyclose - all clearly household hitmakers - are at #7 with “Kisses”. The song’s not bad at all, but I just never would have expected it to be this successful, even if ACR might be paying it some favours.

As usual, our top five should look pretty standard, aside from a decent jump for Dasha as the already long-lasting top 10 “Austin (Boots Stop Workin’)” - yes, it’s been renamed for easier clicks - is up to #5. Otherwise, we’re all familiar with “Stargazing” by Myles Smith at #4, “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” by Billie Eilish at #3 and “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan reaching a new peak of #2, and of course, Sabrina at the top. What should be much more interesting though is our mixed batch of fascinating new song a bit lower down on the chart, which we’ll have to get through now.

New Entries

#71 - “Gold Mine” - Aitch and D-Block Europe

Produced by AoD and Jacob Manson

Damn, what other way to start an episode is better than to begin the new entries with my boys Young Adz and Dirtbike Lb? …and some white guy. Okay, Aitch isn’t awful and has displayed a degree of personality over the years - though not often as a lead artist - but one thing I’ll never care to hear from him is relationship drama, especially with one of the laziest beats I have ever heard on this show. A singular acoustic guitar line that already cuts out abruptly is then cut in a rush that makes it sound like flipping paper, then we have some of the cheapest trap drums available - I hate that snare - and it’s way too stagnant to go for the West Coast swagger it clearly attempts, though Aitch’s personality-void vocals aren’t helping matters. For some reason, Youthful Advertisements, going for a sing-songy flow and incomprehensible sense of flow on the chorus, is way louder than everything surrounding him and decides to croon about having his tongue in a woman’s ass - classy - whilst Dirtbike Lb seems to not understand he’s on a relationship song until the end of his verse. Aitch is the only one on topic, but he’s my least favourite presence on here - it’s insane just how better this nearly objectively terrible beat sounds with Dirtbike on it instead of Aitch. There are some vaguely cool lines but nothing special, and his flow isn’t new for him, but there’s something so effortless and liquidy to how Dirtbike appears on a track nowadays that appeals to me. And yes, though this may not be the song for it, I agree that I hope the situation in Palestine turns around. I have no faith that it will and whilst this is a throwaway line in an otherwise unrelated song, it should show how much the youth care about the genocide that a pop-rapper is bringing it up so casually. Wait, isn’t this an Aitch song?

#67 - “Lonely Road” - mgk and Jelly Roll

Produced by SlimXX, BazeXX, Charlie Handsome and Travis Barker

Okay, I’ll bite: who’s this new, abbreviated figure of mystery who goes by the simple three litters, mgk? I wonder who could be hiding behind there. Jokes aside, it makes perfect sense for Machine Gun Kelly to take his awkward, triple-barrel name and shorten it down to what everyone was calling him anyway - especially for him, as his name is long enough for it to be very noticeable in Spotify and YouTube titles. Hiding as “mgk” makes it much clearer and easier for you to see “Jelly Roll” on the title for this YouTube video, which could be obscured if he used his full name, which would be a massive turn-off for any Jelly Roll fans with taste. Given that Mr. Jelly has songs with Falling in Reverse and HARDY, I would assume this is not an issue, but part of me does find it amusing how this guy had a song with Eminem just three weeks back and is now hopping on to duet with mgk.

This is actually Jelly Roll’s first time charting and whilst he has a history in underground country rap, he’s recently brought a belting presence to country and rock stations in the US through his rougher but mostly accessible country rock and soul tracks that have gained him a slow-burn following Stateside, yet - perhaps unsurprisingly - he’s yet to crossover to the UK. We love our big, gruff rock belter guys though so I don’t supect it’ll be long, and this track seems to be the UK’s first taste of the J-Man. Is it a good first impression? Well, given the Travis Barker production credit, this seems to be more the first impression for whatever mgk’s next album will be but unfortunately, if you thought that maybe country and rock would be safe from nostalgia-bait sampling, you will be devastated to know that our story starts in 1971.

John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads” is one of the most iconic country songs of all time. Whilst Denver always associated himself with Colorado, the ode to West Virginia became so famous that it’s now one of their state anthems. A pop song becoming raised to even that standard is really honourable, though perhaps expectedly, the late Denver’s version never crossed over to the UK charts, though it has of course appeared in various alternate versions because everyone and their mother has covered it… and I mean everyone and their mother: literal mother Olivia Newton-John took it to #15 in 1973 (the #1 was “Blockbuster” by the Sweet) and a mother to many online, Lana Del Rey, covered the song just last year as a way to signal the start of her country era. The West Virginia anthem didn’t return to the charts until it found its way there in the year 2000 in possibly the most bizarro world way: Melky Sedeck sang a brief parody of the song in the bridge to Wyclef Jean’s hilarious #3 hit “It Doesn’t Matter” featuring, of all people, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The #1 the week of its peak was Modjo’s “Lady (Hear Me Tonight)” but please, I beg of you, take a listen to that batshit song that to this day, is the highest-charting rendition of “Take Me Home, Country Roads” in the UK and I’m not even joking. The next year, a Dutch Europop group Hermes House Band would make a more standard cover that peaked at #7 in 2001, whilst the #1 was Daniel Bedingfield’s “Gotta Get Thru This” and the #2 was “Murder on the Dancefloor” - funny how those things turn out - and another straggling cover by the Revellers hit #86 the week before. Now, once again, Denver’s anthem is back on the UK Singles Chart thanks to… Machine Gun Kelly and Travis Barker. 2024, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, you may be wondering: was all that background history worth it for mgk and Jelly Roll? And the obvious answer to that is, “No, but it was more interesting than telling you the obvious fact than an mgk song sucks, right?”. Turning “country roads” into “lonely road” in the intro of the song, pushing the chorus ahead to catch your interest due to the sample, is just pathetic and cynical in a way that I should probably expect mgk to be now, but still hits a sour note, especially given the verses seem to use reference humour - except without the humour - to rock bands like Taking Back Sunday and The Devil Wears Prada who are… decidedly not country, these are punk bands. The Taking Back Sunday reference made me sigh and nearly turn it off, but when the fake snap beat came in, I knew that this was going to a bro-country-rap fusion that, surprisingly for two people who came up in rap, is surprisingly awkward! I like Jelly Roll, but I’d prefer if mgk weren’t showering his echoed backing vocals behind him for no reason, let alone that shitty trap beat, but that southern, gritty texture in his voice is at least much more preferable to mgk’s nasal drawl. I honestly think the song if it were just Mr. Roll and the female backing vocalists would be somewhat salvageable… oh, what am I kidding? A country-rap-rock hybrid interpolation of “Take Me Home, Country Roads” produced by Travis Barker is horrible basically on principle. There’s some comedy in it, I suppose, but it’s otherwise a gross attempt at a monogenre comeback for a guy who’s not respected in a single one of the scenes he’s fusing together… and I’m starting to think he doesn’t respect any of those genres either, because this is sad.

#63 - “365” - Charli xcx

Produced by A.G. Cook and Cirkut

It’s… kind of weird that this is charting, right? It’s a tad extraneous: a book-end song intended to close off the BRAT album by calling back to its opener and most successful single, “360”. Charli will have a fuller song debut next week as Billie Eilish cameos on the new version of “Guess”, so this’ll be one week where “360” essentially deposits two similar but not identical spaces on the chart. That’s not to say “365” isn’t good or is just a remix because that is far from the case. After a rollercoaster array of different beats, hooks and emotional progression, we return to the glitchy buzz of “360”, one that’s almost quaint by the end of the record, with the “bumpin’ that” mantra ending each line in what is essentially a singular, continuous verse building up for the whole song, with the funnelling switch early on bringing a thundering bass and acidic rhythm to the song that separates it absolutely from “360”, if the new inclusions of less playful or even likeable lyrics, painting the image of the “it girl” from that first track being way too far gone, didn’t already do that for you. The original song takes a lot of restraint to make it an opener that doesn’t alienate you with its sonic palette, whilst bringing you some signature ugliness in the back of the mix, but Cook goes fully wild on here, especially in that disgusting drop by the end that drowns out every melodic element, filtering it behind a slodging hardcore bass that eventually fuses with the vocal lead to an unrecognisable, inhuman slush… yet Charli still gets the last laugh, even in pitch-shifted form, reminding you at the last second that she’s still “bumpin’ that”. It may not make much sense as a single, which it isn’t trying to be, but it’s a brilliant production and inspired way to close the album. Sure, it wouldn’t resonate nearly as much if it weren’t for the fact that “360” existed, but that’s so much of the song’s appeal in its distortion and looping of some of that track’s core elements, so “365” doesn’t really need to stand on its own… and given “Guess” is coming, probably for a top 40 placement, I doubt it will need to stand on its own on the charts for very long.

#53 - “Sailor Song” - Gigi Perez

Produced by Gigi Perez and Noah Weinman

Gigi Perez, according to her website, is on tour in October and is signed to Interscope. She… she doesn’t tell me anything else, what’s the point of even having a website nowadays if it’s only links to your social media accounts and music videos? We don’t even get a bio, but thankfully on Spotify, she gives us this detailed description of her music and her backstory. It reads, ahem, “Sims 2 emo lesbian love story but in the medium of music”. So… Little Miss Buzzwords here actually went semi-viral back in 2021 with the sleeper hit “Sometimes (Backwood)”, which boasts over 100 million streams on Spotify and is a largely structureless, lo-fi song, wherein the vocal mix echoes itself into crossing gender boundaries a little, whilst also telling a full story of a relationship, singing about some of what made them work, what made them break up, and the sexually-charged intro the song’s subtitled after. I’m not that big of a fan of the song’s undetailed writing or demo flavour, but I can see the appeal, even if her vocals on that track are really not great, but it is a debut and it shows some ambition and a unique sound that I figured would be expanded upon in “Sailor Song”, released a year after her debut EP, and yes, this is more like it.

Weinman brings a cleaner production to Perez’s acoustic racket, with a warped jazz sample occupying the back of the mix, smoothly texturing the fast-paced indie guitars and that wonderful falsetto chant in the intro that is incredibly catchy in itself without even getting to the verses. “Sailor Song” is similar in tone to the first part of “Sometimes”, being an awestruck sex song where, in her unique, imperfect vocal recording and tone that reminds me of maybe a Left at London, but many others I can’t quite put my finger on right now, she gets down and dirty with a girl that reminds her of Anne Hathaway. For a song without much in the way of bass or production, there is a swagger and groove to it that makes the sexual lyrics not come across as awkward as they could have, with that chorus not only giving a wistful touch through the clever ending lyric, “I sleep so I can see you ‘cause I hate to wait so long”, but also justifying the “sailor” comparison by getting pretty raunchy, including blasphemy and admitting that she’s covered in, well, glistening girl juices… on the second chorus, it’s the other way around, in a subtle twist of perspective. The general tone of secrecy surrounding their rendezvous is emphasised by how she may burst into a louder delivery but it’s tempered with softer crooning, even if it’s the same lines being sung, and frankly, it’s been a while since I’ve heard a sex song this poetically written whilst still getting as horny as it does. I’m surprised I like it as much as I do but this is a brilliant song and I hope that within the recent wave of sapphic pop songs led by Chappell Roan, that the charts can find a place for this too.

#42 - “Somedays” - Sonny Fodera, Jazzy and D.O.D

Produced by Sonny Fodera and D.O.D

I see that Mr. Fodera actually produced this one, or at least didn’t forget to add himself to the production credit on Spotify like on “Mind Still”. Regardless, this seems to be a new trio assorted through recent UK chart recurring characters, particularly in EDM, with Fodera joined by fellow house producer D.O.D, whose work I consistently enjoyed and can be seen on best hits list for last year, as well as Irish singer Jazzy who may have surpassed her sketchy breakout with Belters Only in the eyes of the public but has yet to prove herself as much of interest outside of being a relatively anonymous dance-pop vocalist for me. As far as this goes, she doesn’t need to be much more, as that is exactly her role, even if it could have been played by the marginally more interesting Clementine Douglas, who co-wrote the song, and sadly, this is very much a generic house-pop song, fine-tuned to fit all audiences. It’s got flat yet anthemic pianos in the pre-drop, a rote four-on-the-floor beat, even flatter future house bass synths as a lead for much of the build and enough reverb to mean amateur remixers only need to put “(slowed)” above this one, yet despite that, the drop still lands on a weirdly dry, anti-climactic note. The composition is fine, it’s sequenced as you’d expect a song like this to be, and Jazzy’s performance is okay even if that lead vocal reminds me of Flo Rida’s “I Cry”, almost distractingly so. It’s just that it’s all so processed that it’s hard to fish much personality out of me for me. I kind of like the farty bass they introduce in the final drop but not only is it not exactly atypical for this song of song but it’s also too little, too late. Sure, it’s serviceable, but when EDM, including house-pop, has been breaching more genre boundaries and delivering great pop music over the past couple years on the UK charts, including from people involved in this very track, I don’t think I’ll settle for the more generic leftovers. Sorry.

#36 - “Free” - Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding

Produced by Calvin Harris

If this song debuted nine spots higher, I’d be five pounds richer. Anyway, this is the latest collab between the duo of Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding, coming really not that long after “Miracle”, and going for a… surprisingly very different approach, probably because Harris already rettried the formula with Sam Smith on “Desire”. Instead, Harris goes for an anthemic piano hardcore track that I felt the need to check WhoSampled for since it is so clearly referential, if not a straight throwback, to that era of 90s breakbeat rave with diva vocals. What’s wonderful about this modern revision, however, is not just the inclusion of webby synths to elevate the song to cosmic textures amidst the piano stabs but also how much Goulding is not a diva. She doesn’t belt as much as she careens smoothly through the mix, becoming a very breathy presence as she holds that “free” in the chorus, taking it to a really interesting, nuanced delivery that could have just been held in one note but was taken to more interesting levels, similar to how she could have punched in “free” to the “when I’m with you, I…” take but let herself fall short of the full line to not only get a more organic take but also to ensure the resolve of that line, when it’s finally completed, hits satisfyingly. Goulding brings a really unique and subtle approach, furthered by the lack of much in the way of lyrics, that textures Harris’ always top-notch production. The actual lengthening of the “free” vocal in the drop to hold the note before breaking down in a glitchy stutter behind the pianos and drums is a sick way to distinguish the chorus from what follows, and whilst I’m not exactly a fan of the muddier mix the factorial drums take in the verse afterwards, especially given the subtle, angelic melodies are the best asset this song has so covering them doesn’t do wonders, I appreciate the risk taken in regards to the progression of the song. It has a build-and-drop structure, but the two parts play off of each other and are placed within a more nuanced composition instead of just being there for clubs’ sake. What I’d really love to hear, however, are some remixes as, to my surprise, none exist yet for this song! Extended, five to eight minute edits of the fantastic foundation this song lays down, by other producers and DJs in breakbeat scenes, could turn what is a good song executed carefully but not perfectly, into something I adore if you bring the right guys on, especially if the remixers can trace their roots back into those classic 90s rave scenes. For now, this is good, but it can - and knowing Calvin Harris, probably will - be expanded upon into something genuinely transcendent with a little time and care.

#34 - “gen z luv” - Central Cee

Produced by Ambezza and Peter Iskander

…Excuse me? Are we doing this? Sigh, okay. The increasing memefication of a clearly talented and interesting Central Cee into a zoned-out crossover novelty rapper digs him deeper into mediocrity every time he releases some new gimmicky single, and “gen z luv”, as you may expect from its title, is no exception. It’s not just “gen z luv”, it’s “FYP love”, “IG love” and God, I have never felt older listening to a song. Hell, I feel second-hand embarrassment for Cench as whilst I’m sure the millions and easy access to Ice Spice helps for now, but if I were 40 years old looking back at my life accomplishments, and I saw “gen z luv”, I think I’d rediscover my relationship with the big guy upstairs. There’s a certain ugliness to parading the idea of having kids with his current relationship when he just ditched his long-time partner, who he previously referenced in “Doja”, for a viral pop-rapper, especially when above this garish production mixing cheap, muddy loops with half-finished drill percussion and an almost eerie key note reminiscent of Kanye West’s “Say You Will” more than anything actually loving or “Gen Z” for that matter.

The line “Usin’ words [that are] not my usual language” may be more telling than Cench thinks. He’s basically just rapping buzzwords and trendy phrases in about as smooth a way as someone in a board room taking algorithmic phrases they see spread on TikTok and Instagram would - for someone who is seemingly a part of the generation he’s “celebrating” on this song, there’s a lot of “how do you do, fellow kids?” energy to how he constructs the bars. A few highlights include that in the chorus, he bemoans that people call their love “childish”, and that he must agree because she’s his “baby” - gross! - and that he starts the first verse by basically giving a middle finger to the audience that he started out with, by saying “My crisis ain’t from cost of living”… man, fuck off. More than anything, this song just renders as sad and boring, but maybe I’m just not in tune with the youth of today or something because I saw how people older than me reacted to mid-2010s trap with a similar distaste. Cench just finds new ways to disappoint me and alienate anyone who either doesn’t understand or doesn’t give a shit about the kind of social media “aura” he surrounds himself with. When it comes down to it, this debuted lower than it should have for Cench. People want to hear bars, man. I don’t know what this really qualifies as but I’m damn sure a lot of the audience for his harder street drill cuts, or even a more general audience who found him through “Sprinter”, won’t care for this one at all, if it’s not just genuinely incomprehensible for them. And yes, I’m very much included in that last section.

#26 - “Guy for That” - Post Malone featuring Luke Combs

Produced by Louis Bell, Charlie Handsome and Hoskins

Posty’s fishing for another hit through the third of these country duets, this time with American megastar Luke Combs, who has charted decently in the UK before with his “Fast Car” cover. As I said before, the UK may not like country music too much, but it likes its big, gruff, rough-and-tumble singer-songwriters, and Combs fits that bill more so than, say, Morgan Wallen. Combs’ more homegrown and honest position in country worried me as it could be less of a neat fit for Post, who even in his country songs has his foot clearly embedded in the pop rock sphere, and yeah, this is evidently his weakest country track yet. This is Post’s third ode to bromance in this album cycle - which is of note when there’s only been three singles - but the detailed lyrics here give it an edge that not only is reminiscent of the same 90s and 2000s country he has in his “country forever” playlist on Spotify but also places it even further into Luke Combs’ territory. He’s been writing about fatherhood recently, so it’s fully in his wheelhouse to evoke the dad trope of having a “guy for that” - a friend you can call up or drive to for each and every little problem he may have. However, this may be Post’s least convincing performance thus far, as he stumbles on the wordiness of the verses and practically murmurs some of the chorus which fills so many words in and is so unnecessarily lengthy that it honestly confused me… and that’s because it tacks on relationship drama to the song for no real reason. Post hasn’t got a “guy for” fixing his relationship, but this seems so pointless when it’s only part of a song mostly preoccupied with listing near-comical situations. This sitcom of a song has Post so desperate to prove his fumbling warble over honestly stale country pop that he refuses to even let the fiddles have room to breathe - what does that tacked-on post-chorus riffing do other than muddy the momentum of the track, which is barely there in the first place?

Even Luke Combs performs bizarrely here as whilst his vocal tone makes more sense, he’s talking about knowing a guy who has a time machine and flexing about his brand new AP watch... what?! You’re Luke Combs, is that supposed to be a brag rap? I can accept being silly but when it comes in tiny flashes in an otherwise stale song, it stands out as tonally unfitting or just desperate. The duo really took the 2000s country pop throwback to its slightest detail as well, as unsubtle Auto-Tune is quietly smothered on some of Combs’ overly patched-up vocal. Why get Luke Combs on to practically take over the track, which ends with some cinematic petering off instead of an actual bridge or narrative resolution where the two can display any chemistry, if you’re going to take the soul out of his performance?

“I Had Some Help” was catchy enough to convince me somewhat on Post’s reinvention but the two following singles have demonstrated some wide open holes in how he approaches this genre, and how awfully the guest vocalists have been implemented. Part of that may be Louis Bell, whose production is fine but he and Post have yet to write any of these songs to have any impact or feel like anything more than a simple, breezy sing-a-long you don’t like but put up with when it plays on the radio during a road trip. Post’s uniquely ambivalent take on the country genre clearly comes from his history in pop-rap, but the last-minute clean-up has been slowly wearing thinner as more music from this album is released, and I am honestly worried that this upcoming album, which I was excited for previously, will end up just as faceless and subtly dysfunctional in the mode it wants to perceive itself in as this track was, purely for the sake of pushing Post headfirst into a trendy movement whilst sticking with songs short enough to gather virality, jeopardising the genuine chance it has to tell a story. I don’t like this song at all, and it has me really concerned if this malformed “duet” is what ends up being the last-ditch attempt at not having the Morgan collab overshadow the rollout entirely.

Conclusion

Yeah, it’s obvious who’s getting Worst of the Week here, though Central Cee’s “gen z luv” has genuine challenge from the Dishonourable Mention, “Lonely Road” by mgk and Jelly Roll. There was a lot this week that was pretty bad, though, but at least it was in an interesting way this time around, and there was a lot to balance it out: Charli xcx gets Best of the Week for “365” whilst Gigi Perez is trailing close behind with “Sailor Song” as the Honourable Mention. As for what’s on the horizon, Charli of course is coming with Billie but the rest may be a bit of an unexpected jumble of tracks - I can pray for Jamie xx and The Avalanches but it’s more likely we see some bubbling under songs get a good week to break through. For now though, thanks for reading, long live Cola Boyy and I’ll see you next week!

[niieve]

HOLY FVCK LYRIC SENTENCE STARTERS

( 127 sentence starters from demi lovato’s album holy fvck. please like or reblog if you found this helpful! )

freak

❝ pinch me. ❞

❝ ain't gotta spell it out for me. ❞

skin of my teeth 

❝ when is this shit gonna end? ❞

❝ sounds like the voice in my head. ❞

❝ i can't believe i'm not dead. ❞

❝ i'm alive by the skin of my teeth. ❞

❝ i survived, but it got harder to breathe. ❞

❝ go easier on me. ❞

❝ god damn it, i just wanna be free. ❞

❝ i don't need you to keep score. ❞

❝ i'm just a product of the problem. ❞

❝ won't you try and have some mercy on me? ❞

substance

❝ is anybody happy with life in the backseat? ❞

❝ is anyone grasping that nothing lasts? ❞

❝ i know we're all fucking exhausted. ❞

❝ am i in my head, or have we all lost it? ❞

❝ it only left me lonely and loveless. ❞

❝ i don't remember last week. ❞

❝ am i talking to myself? ❞

❝ is anyone out there? ❞

❝ i can't relate at all. ❞

❝ give me the real shit. ❞

eat me

❝ be more predictable. ❞

❝ all that i'm hearing is you want to make the impossible possible. ❞

❝ is this what you'd all prefer? ❞

❝ would you like me better if i was still her? ❞

❝ did she make your mouths water? ❞

❝ i know the part i've played before. ❞

❝ i know the shit that i've ignored. ❞

❝ i know the girl that you adored. ❞

❝ she's dead, it's time to fucking mourn. ❞

❝ i can't spoon feed you anymore. ❞

❝ please be presentable. ❞

❝ would you like me better if i didn't oppose? ❞

❝ choke on it. ❞

holy fvck

❝ i'm an angel, i'm a demon. ❞

❝ i'm the one she was afraid of. ❞

❝ now i'm what your dreams are made of. ❞

❝ i'll show you the light with all the lights off. ❞

❝ you see me begging for permission. ❞

❝ she's a novice, a beginner, i'm the sexorcist, the sinner. ❞

❝ i can guide you, i can teach you. ❞

❝ honey, this is just the preview. ❞

happy ending

❝ i met god. ❞

❝ i tried love, gave me something to believe in. ❞

❝ giving pieces of my heart, just to end up leaving. ❞

❝ am i gonna die trying to find my happy ending? ❞

❝ will i ever know what it's like to be fine without pretending? ❞

❝ i got high. you name it, i've tried it. ❞

❝ sure, i'm sober now, and everybody's proud, but i miss my vices. ❞

❝ i was your poster child. ❞

❝ it didn't fill the void. ❞

heaven

❝ i had a secret, it killed me to keep it. ❞

❝ so close i could almost taste it. ❞

❝ crucified for the life i'm living. ❞

❝ oh my god, hope i'm forgiven. ❞

❝ going to hell 'cause it feels like heaven. ❞

❝ i can't help it, guess i'm a heathen. ❞

❝ if pleasure's wrong, cast me out like a sinner. ❞

❝ i found myself with my two little fingers. ❞

❝ my right hand’s got me singing my praises. ❞

city of angels

❝ been here for fifteen years. ❞

❝ i'm bored to tears. ❞

❝ there's nothing left to do. ❞

❝ this town is heaven-sent. ❞

❝ better when i'm face down under you. ❞

❝ show it to me from every angle. ❞

❝ i want you to make me scream. ❞

❝ you call me they, but i'm still daddy's girl. ❞

❝ come make my day and rock my world. ❞

bones

❝ the second you walked in the room, my legs started to shake. ❞

❝ heart pounding like there's a fucking earthquake. ❞

❝ one look at me and i lost myself in those blue eyes. ❞

❝ so many feelings when you said her name. ❞

❝ i want you so bad that i need restraints. ❞

❝ lemme jump your bones. ❞

❝ no one has to know. ❞

❝ selfishly speaking, i want all of you to my self. ❞

❝ one day i'm gonna leave you needing nobody else. ❞

wasted

❝ i'm scared of the come down. ❞

❝ i don't think i'll know how to live without this. ❞

❝ i'm wiser and older. ❞

❝ i'm clean and i'm sober. ❞

❝ the highest high can't hold a candle to getting wasted on you. ❞

❝ happened so fast, i can't hold back. ❞

❝ i'm addicted, we both know that. ❞

❝ it feels like it's dangerous. ❞

come together

❝ you lead, i follow. ❞

❝ i knew the minute i met you, that i had to have you or i'd die. ❞

❝ no way to hold me back tonight. ❞

❝ don't rush, i love a slow touch. ❞

❝ you're doin' everything just right. ❞

❝ you gotta hold back till it's time. ❞

❝ got me closer to the edge than ever. ❞

❝ we could make it last forever. ❞

❝ paradise is even better when we come together. ❞

❝ your hands send shivers down my spine. ❞

❝ feels like the first time, every night with you. ❞

❝ there's nothing i'd rather do. ❞

dead friends

❝ i watch the sun go down, they won't. ❞

❝ i'm waking up right now, and they never will again. ❞

❝ i made it through hell, and i don't know why. ❞

❝ how am i different? ❞

❝ i miss my dead friends. ❞

❝ we had the rest of our lives. ❞

❝ didn't get to say goodbye. ❞

❝ god only knows where they went. ❞

❝ sometimes i wish that i could jump right into the blue, for a moment with you. ❞

help me

❝ what you think matters isn't up for debate. ❞

❝ you think you're helping, huh? ❞

❝ thank you for your useless information. ❞

❝ what's with your desperate fascination? ❞

feed

❝ i found my soul just to lose my mind. ❞

❝ all of the sinners know my name. ❞

❝ there's scars i've caused and scars i've earned. ❞

❝ still don't know much, but here's what i learned. ❞

❝ some days are diamonds, some days are rough. ❞

4 ever 4 me 

❝ i fell for you, smitten and hopelessly. ❞

❝ maybe i'm healing. ❞

❝ i couldn't be scared if i tried. ❞

❝ nothing's ever felt this right. ❞

❝ i can't hold back i'm falling in love. ❞

❝ take me home, i can't wait to hug and thank your mother. ❞

❝ he's beautifully made. ❞

❝ i can't wait to show you, you'll see. ❞

❝ i promise his heart's safe with me. ❞

❝ they say you know when you find the one. ❞

❝ just a look from you, i come undone. ❞

[xmystophalesx]

Best New Heavy Metal Releases Week of February 17th, 2023

Bit of a rough week for me on a personal level, as I wasn’t really sure if I was going to put out a new list for the week or not. I tested positive for my second round of Covid Wednesday night and that put me pretty far behind on my list. Got on some Paxlovid and things turned around pretty quickly after that. Not sure if it was the meds or knowing that Hellripper had put out a new album. Ill just go with both being a tremendous help. Time for the highlights.

All My Shadows-Eerie Monsters (Heavy/Hard Rock)**

This was a very pleasant surprise. From the album art and the band name, I would have bet money this was going to be some American metalcore band. I was fully expecting for this to be a short couple track listen and then a move to another album. Well, this is actually the vocalist and guitarist from the band Vanden Plas, so what you have here is some top quality Melodic Metal with a Progressive tinge. Excellently crafted songs with some killer guitar work. Not exactly sure why this was not just used on a VP album, as this sounds like classic VP. Regardless of all of that, if this is a genre you enjoy, this could easily be stuck on your personal play list for quite a while.

Tulus-Fendens Kall (Black)**

This is labeled as Black Metal, but to be completely honest, that is to simple a designation. There is a lot going on here, from folk influences to straight up simple Hard Rock and even flashes of Doom. This was the first band Blodstrop and Sarke were in before starting the band Khold. I will freely admit for Black Metal purists, this album may be hard to get into but I enjoyed it quite a bit.

Hellripper-Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags (Black/Speed)**

What can you say about James McBain that hasn’t already been said? Hands down one of the very best in this Black/Speed Metal genre and still a one man project. This album just continues his streak of releasing one killer album after another that are just a blast to listen to. The only differences I see is maybe a bit of advancement in the overall songwriting and his guitar leads are getting better and better, which is impressive as they were already pretty damn good to begin with. Hellripper for me has become an automatic purchase album every time I hear he has an album coming out and this one was easily a preorder.

Tryglav-The Ritual (Melodic Black)**

Yet another one man Melodic Black Metal project. Slowly but surely, this is becoming more of the norm than the exception. I first listened to this on Sunday morning so I didn’t get as much time with this as I did the Hellripper album. Even so, it was really pushing the “Warlocks…” album for the pick of the week. Excellent use of melody and guitar work throughout the length of the album. There is something very addictive about this album and I feel it will get a lot more play in the near future.

That will do it for this week. Still not at 100% but getting there and when I thought of possibly skipping this week, it made me feel worse than the covid. The cause of Heavy Metal waits for no man! Illness is nothing compared to praising the glory of all the Metals! Or even worse, disappointing my tens and tens of fans that actually read this thing….lol Until next week, and as always, listen to metal and fill your soul with happiness and, of course…

BANG THY HEAD!!!

All worthy of a listen if you like the genre

*= standout in that genre

**=best of the week regardless of genre

Best of the Week

Street Tombs-Reclusive Decay (Death/Thrash)**

Scars of Oblivion-Misanthropy (Melodic Death)**

Last Legion-Metall, Blod & Aska (Thrash/Death)**

Tramilizer-Fumes of Funeral Pyres (Death)**

Tulus-Fendens Kall (Black)**

Knights of Blood-El Juicio de Osiris (Heavy)**

All My Shadows-Eerie Monsters (Heavy/Hard Rock)**

Hellripper-Warlocks Grim & Withered Hags (Black/Thrash)**

Tryglav-The Ritual (Melodic Black)**

Standout in their Genre

Cryptic Witch-Summoning (Doom/Stoner/Psychedelic)*

Proxima B-Void Cycles (Melodic Death/Progressive)*

Desosser-Vitalism (Death)*

Age of Ruin-Thieves (Melodic Death)*

Hard to Kill-Resistan (Death/Hardcore)*

Parasitario-Everything Belongs to Death (Death)*

Ulthar-Anthronomicon/Helionomicon (Death/Black/Progressive)*

The Abbey-Word of Sun (Doom)*

Hail the Void-Memento Mori (Doom/Stoner)*

Winds of Tragedy-Hating Life (Melodic Black)*

Setanera-Equilibrium (Gothic)*

Robin McAuley-Alive (Heavy/Hard Rock)*

Gutted-A Path To Ruin (Death/Grind/Technical)*

Majestic Ryte-Majestic Ryte (Heavy/US Power)*

Exhibition-The Last Laugh (Thrash/Crossover)*

66Crusher-Limbo (Thrash/Progressive)*

Creye-III:Weightless (Hard Rock/Progressive)*

Depravation-IV:LETVM (Black/Death)*

First Signal-Face Your Fears (Heavy/Hard Rock)*

Kromheim-Journey to Divinity (Melodic Death)*

Siege of Power-This is Tomorrow (Death/Thrash)*

Worth a Listen

The Black Moriah-Desert Hymns & Funeral Grins (Black/Thrash)

Clit Commander-Obey the Clit (Brutal Death/Grindcore)

Avatar-Dance Devil Dance (Heavy/Alternative/Hard Rock)

Skinflint-Hate Spell (Heavy/Speed)

Ad Omega-Aphelic Ascent (Black)

Enisum-Forgotten Mountains (Black/Atmospheric)

Man Must Die-The Pain Behind it All (Technical Death)

Genghis Khan-Who Art in Hell (Traditional Heavy)

Soul of Death-Spiritual Disease (Melodic Death)

Hellpass-Gates of War (Heavy)

Strange Omen-Marasma (Heavy)

Theophonos-Nightmare Visions (Black/Experimental)

Pick of the week goes to Hellripper with yet another fantastic and FUN album. 5 lazy bulldog side eyes out of 5! Go buy this record!

[crmsnmth-journal]

2/18/2024 8:37 PM

I thought about Dad alot today. Mom was going through some old things and found the mugs from their wedding. She gave me dad's, because I'm the oldest, and I stood up in their wedding. I can't imagine how hard it was to get me to stand still during the ceremony. I was only four years old when they got married. She also found a box of old pictures. I'm honestly surprised she saved any of it after their bitter and ugly divorce. I used to blame her for it. I mean, usually the person who's having the affair is the problem, right? But my dad was far from perfect back then. He was an addict, living off cocaine nose jobs and dirty burnt spoons. We once found his kit when we cleaned out the basement. Looking through the pictures, it's almost shocking to see the timeline. Remember when pictures were actually printed and not just taking up memory in your phone? There's hundreds in the box, and I still have to go through it all. The pictures I kept are kind of hard to look at. To see my dad so young. Compared to the man I saw at the end. I miss him. Everyday. Which is weird, because while he was here, we maybe spoke once a month, and now that's he's gone, I want to talk to him everyday. You don't know what you've got until it's gone. Or something like that. However it goes, it fits. It's been over a month since he passed, and there's so much I want to tell him. I am the living example of wishful thinking.

Fuck, "Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard" is a phenomnal record. She can't miss. Not one album has been bad, but this one is chef's kiss.

JJ wanted to hang out today. We haven't hung it in a while. For being my oldest friend, we don't really see each all that much. And we live fifteen miles apart. It doesn't help that I'm in recovery when it comes to drinking and drugs, and he's a full-blown alcoholic. I love the guy, and I wish he'd get sober, or at least cut back a bit. Getting a Felony drunk driving I hoped would knock him into space, but if anything he just drinks more. This kid was going to be a lawyer, and if he had stuck the plan, he would have made an excellent lawyer. But he knows he's an alcoholic. He knows it, and he just accepts it. Every so often he'll stop drinking for a week, find some new cure all that will help him. But none of it ever lasts, and by the end, he's downing a six pack in a half hour, and everyone wonders how he's not drunk yet. I tried getting him to come with me to meetings. I hit one a week here in town, and they really do help. And I think they'd help him, but he won't go. Even when he says he's going to quit. Switch to weed. Work. Anything as a distraction. Distraction is great, I won't deny that, but eventually you need to find the problem. The root of why that bottle tastes so good. For me, it's regret and lost love, anger and the constant need for self-destruction (You know, to keep things interesting.) For him…I don't know. I know everything about the guy, but I guess we all have our dirty little secrets and our skeletons in our closets.

I started Mass Effect again today. I forgot I had the legendary edition on my Steam account. I love the games, and still consider them some of the best storytelling of that era, but damn. The first one is such a janky mess in it's action sequences though.

[epwrenn]

“What’s Sauvignon Blanc?”: Why I love Italian restaurants

My girlfriend, Peggy, has several annoying habits. Making me watch her dog on short notice; saying “MMMmmm” after the first bite of any meal I cook her, regardless of whether or not praise is warranted; reading ahead of me when I’m trying to read - as fast as I can, damn it! - to her in bed. Yet none of these examples get under my skin quite like her smug satisfaction whenever I take her hand while walking down the road together.

“Awww,” she croons, as our fingers interlock on Quarrendon Street.

“Oh bloody hell, Pegs! You don’t have to comment every single time we hold hands, y’know?!”

She smiles and looks ahead, giving the impression she’s won some sort of moral victory over me. She has. 

We’re making our way towards Vicino, an olde worlde Italian restaurant on the New Kings Road near Parsons green. Or, at least it looks olde worlde from the outside: the bright red and white paint job of its exterior makes it seem like the whole place has been draped in one of those classic vinyl tablecloths; the stencil of a lobster flanked by two olive trees watch over the street under ornate, gold lamps; Billy Joel and his band come tumbling out of the front door, congratulating each other on having just finished their best album, 1977’s ‘The Stranger’. Ok, that last bit I made up, but it doesn’t take the piano man in his prime to see why this place caught Peggy’s eye earlier in the week. Before you’ve even set foot inside, the place emanates something fuzzy and familiar. A time capsule, but without the stench of disintegrating memorabilia and Blue Peter presenters succumbing to entropy. 

Given its location and crustaceous guardian, you might assume it haughty and overpriced, but it's not at all. We peruse the sunshine yellow menu near the front door and remark on how fair it all seems. Not dirt cheap (£13 for the Spaghetti Bolognaise) but very fair for this part of town. The bourgeois Bayley and Sage supermarket across the road looks on with displeasure as we walk in and aren't immediately held up by our ankles and shaken. Instead, the head waiter, a white haired italian gentleman, gives us a smile and briskly whisks us over to a little table by the wall (painted with a mural of vine leafs and waterfalls of course) in the middle of the dining area. There aren’t many patrons yet (it was 7:30ish when we showed up), but this doesn’t mar the warm, unpretentious interior with its dimly lit decorative plates, bottles of wine, jars of preserves, and art deco posters. It might all be well placed set dressing, but the effect is working on me, and I can’t help but smile as I swivel around in my chair; the smell of evaporated wine and garlic tickling some primitive bit of my brain. I immediately pull open the skinny little bag of crunchy breadsticks next to my fork and pretend to smoke one.

“Something to drink?” our man asks.

Peggy asks for Sauvignon Blanc. He has no idea what she’s talking about. I knew then that we had come to the right place.

Breadsticks smoked, we get some actual bread and olives to start. Nothing to write home about here sadly: just a stock white baguette cut into chunks with some unspreadable butter, probably the only ‘restaurant classic’ here I wish would remain in the aforementioned time capsule or, at the very least, be thawed before serving. The olives however, are delicious: Plump and lightly salted, the meatiness of each has me frantically skewering the next before I’ve finished with the one I’m working on; that toothsome, almost snappy bite of a fresh olive in limited quantity is addictive. I think Peggy gets a little annoyed at this gusto, but sips at the house white (we never found out if it was Sauvignon) instead while I gaze around in an olive induced trance.

Then our starters show up and all the bread and butter stuff is forgiven: I ordered the Cozzo (Fresh mussels) and Peggy the Burrata Con Pomodori e Basilico (Apulian Burrata cheese with heritage tomatoes and basil). Though I didn’t try Peggy’s, the plate dressing of the Burrata perfectly trod the line between rustic and gilding the lily; food you almost didn’t want to eat it looked so pretty with its decorative vegetables, strands of virgin olive oil, and casually cracked pepper. It was all gone anyway by the time I looked up from my bowl, a clumsy pile of muscles with little flecks of garlic and chilli swimming around in a white wine sauce, so I assume her’s tasted as good as it looked. 

At £12 for mussels nowhere near the sea, mine was just ok: the majority were on the smaller end of the mussel spectrum, but at least there were plenty of them. The sauce tasted fine but was a little on the fishy-er side of things, to the point where it lingered on my mussel wielding index finger and thumb until I got home and had a good scrub. I felt, and still feel, a little torn about this: Yes, I remember my dish being so-so, but that only seemed to add more credence to the charming, homely ambiance of the evening. I imagined an authentic ‘mama’ back there, adding a little too much of this and not enough of that, perhaps ballin’ out a skinny sous chef for spending too much time on Peggy’s wonderful looking plate while neglecting my own. 

Onto mains: Peggy, once again, chooses an aesthetically beautiful option: the Penne Quatro Formaggi e Tartufo (four cheese pasta with black truffle). Steam billows from the perfectly portioned bed of silky yellow tubes and heterogeneous, mole hill-like truffle shavings. Her face is full of glee, and I am jealous immediately of the five or six thousand calories I can see and smell. I almost regret my decision as the Linguine Gamberoni (King Prawn pasta) comes to rest in front of me: 

“Only three king prawns?!” I think with greedy displeasure; Dudley Dursley incarnate. Thankfully, adult me snaps back to centre, and I pick up one of the prawns to inspect it. Not only is this thing bulbous - the thin, orange shell barely containing the swollen, blanched meat - but dripping with a fragrant, boozy red sauce. I almost swoon. An old memory comes back to me then: 

“Sometimes, less is more.” My guitar teacher, Chris, playing a pirated clip from the Rush band documentary for me in a lesson: “Not every band needs a fourth member, y’know?”

 I take the prawn’s hat and coat off, and place him back with his pals. He looks embarrassed, so I cut him in two (sorry) and enrobe one half in a twist of linguine. The pasta itself is dressed in the same saucy attire as the power trio, tiny flecks of olive oil dancing around on the surface. It oozes back into the bowl as I take my first bite. As anyone knows who’s tried this dish at its best, the combination is simply magic: the meaty, slightly springy - not rubbery - bite of prawn against the sweet and sour comfort of the dressed pasta, it’s like spending the afternoon with the recently older posh: everything is rich with nostalgia, flavours still vibrant, but all ensconced in the safety of a well-worn Harrod’s cashier sweater, and a glass of whatever will get them pissed the fastest. I’m pleased to say, this was one of the best examples of the dish I’ve tried in London. I relished the annoyance of having to put my cutlery down to rip apart the crustaceans, like a very well-off caveman, before picking up my doffed etiquette and gobbling down another wonderful mouthful. Even towards the end, pasta sans prawn, the sauce stands on its own. 

Satisfied, our empty bowls disappear, and we, Peggy and I, go through the charade of pretending to not be very interested in the dessert menu. She orders the strawberry cheesecake, while I, twat that I am, flag down an older waitress and ask for an off-menu affogato. She casually looks up to our man from earlier:

“Affogato?” 

There’s a beat. 

He looks up from a long receipt and gives an ‘ok’ hand gesture, his eyes already back in accounting mode. I love this man.

By now the restaurant is full and it’s a wonderful sight to see a perfect cross section of Fulham life happening in front of me: three city guys near us meeting after work; a big family at the back celebrating something to do with the bald old man in their number; some kids on the cusp of being teenagers looking bored and embarrassed by Dad’s jokes; a gaggle of girls at the front with a big gold ‘30’ balloon; several dates too, their romantic content hidden in the cacophony of local voices. That feeling of set dressing hits me again. The place is making me feel like I’m a character in a Richard Curtis film. 

Here comes dessert: Peggy’s cheesecake is a generous portion, with two spoons (the waitress knew I was gonna steal some before I did!) and it had obviously been made a while ago, the strawberries slices beginning to weep into their creamcheese bed. This didn’t make it look particularly brilliant, but the taste was superb. Again, I’m struck by the homely quality of it: the biscuit base nearly disintegrates at the touch of the fork, but this to me is just a sign that there aren't any pesky, unnatural emulsifiers holding it all together. This is the kind of food that is meant to be served immediately, then hastily refrigerated for tomorrow before pesky hands move in for the kill.

The affogato arrives and it’s exactly what I suspected it would be: two balls of off-brand vanilla ice cream with a hot, crappy nespresso poured over it - in a massive wobbly metallic sundae cup to boot. “That sounds awful,” I hear you cry. I suspect you’re right. Alas, for me, this is the pinnacle of what an affogato should be: My first was made by my (Hungarian) grandmother, Musi, and was exactly as described above, except in a mug. My (Liverpool-Irish) Grandad, Trevor, had one too, except his mug had a picture of himself next to Shakespeare on it; “England’s Greatest Authors”. I remember having “proper” semifreddo affogato years later at a very spenny Italian in Richmond, after hundreds of delightfully subpar ones with my grandparents house listening to Classic FM. I knew I was supposed to like it more, that this was a capital A, Authentic Italian dessert I was eating, an experience I was having… but, for me, it was just tasteless whipped cream dipped in presumably decent espresso - all it needed was a green straw and a mermaid. Peggy tries a spoonful and makes a face like she’d swallowed Bitrex. I laugh and continue to gulp down delicious, sugary,  nostalgia. 

[randomcommentary]

Commentary for The Idol Ep. 3&4 🫣

-woke her up out of her sleep to go shopping🫠 I wonder who paying

-Beautiful car but y’all can’t be doing the nasty with the top down

-assistant/bff is over it

-Maximillian Rattail thinks he Kanye dressing homegirl

-not him threading people with this weak ass voice😂

-she letting Rattail fire people and run her house after the first sleepover🧐

-we got the same satin scarf

-oh her chef is fine😏

-not Rattail slapping the fine chef and firing him

-this nigga in a windbreaker and an ugly one at that and telling her she doesn’t have a sense of style

-not having sex in the store lawd…

-this girl is so dumb

-Yas Dee question his ass!!

-they found out the backup dancer can hold a note and gave her song and video away😂

-girl get these cult members out of your house!!

-Sing Dennis Rodman Jr.!!

-they really just using her studio like it’s theirs🙃

-they all look like they stank

-not a family dinner. Baby, u got 2 weeks to make 3 hits and if you don’t the label will drop u!!!!

-Rattail sitting at the head of the table like he bought the house

-girl don’t make that photo for your photo album

-he looked at her like Ike did Tina at this table👀

-not the creative director falling for this bull rattail pushing

-GIRL KICK HIM OUT!!! U don't have to tell this man your business!

-he is not a therapist stop telling your business

-sitting at that table looking how he looking talking about I don't keep secrets from anyone knowing he playing the hell out this woman

-not the mama being abusive and controling I know she somewhere hot

-lawd no wonder Rattail was able to dig his claws into her

-what is going on???

-not abusing her with the same brush her mama beat her with😣

They should have canceled this shit and burned the rest of the episodes

Ep.4

-The weeknd and these random ass songs in these episodes

-not the help saying he got a Napoleon complex

-I knew my girl Dee was going to find out Rattail tea!!

-kidnapping and assault charges!!! Get that man out that house now!!!

-who told him to undo that rattail??

-trust him??? Bitch it's been three days!

-yass Dee going undercover

-I knew chole was underage😔 save her D!!

-a heroin addict as a teenager???!! Lawd

-damn backup dancer got a record deal already!!?

-if you gotta do this fifty shades of Rattail just to lay a track don’t do it in front of a crowd please

-what is going on????

-this is disgusting 🤢

-not the bff thinking the man that’s apart of the cult go think Rattail was wrong for what he did

-oh so this all the clothes Rattail got??

-so joss just telling everybody business

-wannabe Charles Manson ass

-Run creative director!!!

-🫣

-not hogtying this man

-a shock collar???!!!!

-not blaming this man for not outing her mother for being abusive!!

-girl fuck you and ya dead mama

-just fire him and leave him alone

-he told the whole truth about u and ya mammy and you couldn’t handle it

-this man is coked out his mind(push him down the stairs and say he fell)

-she don’t know that man from Adam Dee. He got prison tattoos but she ain’t really worried about the charges cause you think the woman he abused set him up

-telling her to tell the world about her abusive mother to tell some concert tickets...the whole world Craig??? Go tell the world instead of a therapist

-another Coke binge🙃

-bff/assistant need to call everybody at the label call tmz hell call Jenny jones cause I'm tired...

-yass young former heroine addict tell Joss about the setup between the backup dancer and Rattail

-not calling your ex to make Rattail jealous

-not him trying to be intimidating with this annoying ass voice

-he coked out his mind trying to fight

-lawd rattail go beat her ass with that brush for acting like she doesn't know him

-she really doesn't own any clothes that don't look like she works at P-valley

-she loves these Virginia super slim cigarettes

-girl really😒

-not rattail crying outside the door listening to her sleep with her ex

-creative director set the ex up for no reason...i guess he the new member to the cult

Yeah, they made the right decision on ending it early. I hope the last episode 20 minutes long...

[cookiewrites]

another thing that i can clearly see is that our cute jeongin is not that cute i mean he will fuck with the boys sleeping in the same room with a hand in the reader's mouth and saying that if she moans she will not be able to cum for weeks

anon, ahhh! fuck! this is so good. and i read this half asleep this morning and then fell asleep again and dreamt about it so thank you for that 😘

i think people dom for different reasons, like some like control, some like seeing their partner feel good, and some (like jeongin) are just so damn horny they need to use someone. like jeongin is messy and rough and just wants to feel good. he always makes you feel good too but half the time it's by accident, your orgasm often a side effect of him seeking his own.

and bc he's so horny he will touch you whenever my man is so into free use it's ridiculous but we'll leave that for another time and this includes in front of his hyungs. sometimes it's subtle stuff and there was this one movie night where he made you sit on his lap in a skirt, riding him in the back of the room. baby bread will do shit wherever, as long as it ended in him cumming.

keep quiet

wc: 1.1k

cw: hard dom!jeongin x afab sub!reader, unprotected sex (do not do this), exhibitionism, orgasm denial mentioned, degradation, pet names for reader (princess, slut, whore, baby), dacryphilia-ish, tiny bit of praise kink, panties stuffed in mouth, talk of sex with multiple partners, the tiniest amount of dumbification bc apparently i can't write anything without that

'don't you dare make a noise princess, okay?'

'be a good slut and let me use your pretty hole'

'if you wake any of my hyungs up you won't cum for a very long time.'

'don't you dare be bad'

the stretch of his cock always felt so good but you were trying not to focus on that. actually, you were trying to think of anything except your boyfriend towering over you, slowing fucking himself into you and the seven other men sound asleep around you. the taste of your own wetness in on your tongue as your panties, stuffed in your mouth, aided in him keeping you quiet.

you knew he wasn't joking around with his threats to withhold your orgasm from you for weeks, he has done it before, not letting you finish for so long that you begged him, crying on your knees to let you get off. you would do anything, you told him, and then you proved it, grinding yourself to your release on his thigh without any help from him, just some harsh words and names. the wet patch you left on his jeans vivid in your mind now as jeongin sped up slightly. the half pulled down pyjamas hidden under your shared blanket, as you internally hoped that the rest of stray kids were deep sleepers.

this wasn't your plan or idea to do this. when the guys initially suggested the sleepover you were so excited, having not seen much of the guys since they split the houses up and work on the next album began. but jeongin had woken you up in the middle of the night and told you he needed you, that he couldn't help it, he'd been dreaming about you, that he'd be quick, and you never could say no to that face. you wanted him too, being full of him was addicting.

he speeds up again and it's getting even harder to stay quiet now, your eyes screw shut trying to focus on not letting the whole room know how well jeongin's cock fit inside you, how rhythmically he was hitting that spot inside you, how you could feel every vein and ridge.

his heavy breathing is hidden as he buries his head in your neck, biting down on you hard enough to bruise, just to keep himself quiet. you were also struggling with that task, hands grabbing at his shirt with such force you were scared you'd rip it, but that would be far more explainable than you screaming out his name in the middle of the night and exposing that you were fucking in the same room as everyone.

after one particularly hard thrust, the quietest yet still audible squeak left your throat and jeongin immediately stilled, completely bottomed out inside you as he pushed himself up to look at you - clearly annoyed. he gestured at the body asleep not even a meter away from your left with his head before leaning into your ear;

'do you want to wake him up slut?'

'do you think you could handle both of us? that your desperate holes could deal with both of our cocks?'

the laugh that follows is so dark you're not even sure how it came from your baby bread but it makes you even wetter, as he continues, his voice barely audible but sending shivers down your spine

'what about all eight of us? bet you'd let us all use you, let us break you'

'desperate sluts like you are always so needy for cock, bet even the eight of us couldn't satisfy you'

'go ahead, scream, wake them up, let them all fuck you, fill you up with their cum - just remember i won't let you cum if you do'

a tear leaves one of your eyes as you look at him because all you want to do is cum. you somehow try to tell him with your eyes that you'll be good, you'll stay quiet, you'll do whatever he needs you to in order to cream around his cock - but that you need his help to do that; and that's the bit he understands. placing his hand firmly over your mouth before continuing;

'dumb slut needs me to do everything for her, huh?'

'as long as you're silent, you can cum once i have, okay?'

'see, i can be nice, helping you be good for me and letting you cum'

'you're so lucky'

and it's with that reminder of just how lucky you are that he begins moving again, the knot that was building in your stomach returning as you close your eyes tightly, focusing on being quiet, focusing on being a good whore for jeongin.

his thrusts had to be shallow to avoid the sounds of your skin slapping against each other from waking the others up, which meant there was little downtime between each directed hit on your spot. the pleasure making more tears form.

and soon enough you felt the familiar warmth spread as he came, burying himself fully in you and filling you up. he fucked himself through the final waves of his orgasm as you came with him, unable to make a sound - the tears simply pouring down your face the only expression of the pleasure you had.

after a moment he pulled out and immediately pulled both yours and his shorts back up, taking the panties that were in your mouth back out again, and rolling next to you. holding them in front of you both you could see how soaked they were from your spit mixed with your initial wetness, he breathlessly laughed at it before leaning back into your ear to whisper:

'these are almost as wet as your desperate pussy was for me'

'better keep all that cum inside you, princess, otherwise you'll have a mess to explain in the morning'

a third voice starts, coming from your left, as changbin just barely opens his eyes;

'is everything okay innie?' he asks, sleep heavy in his throat.

'yeah, hyung, y/n just had a really vivid dream and i was just calming them down.'

'oh-okay, get some sleep innie, y/n'

'yes, hyung.'

changbin rolled over and soon enough his soft snoring could be heard echoing through the room again. and jeongin moving back towards your ear again;

'i love how innocent they all think you are, that none of them know you're just a needy whore, letting me fuck them whilst they all sleep'

'my desperate slut'

[aizawaskittenwhore]

𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘸 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘴

≛ 𝘧𝘵. 𝘪𝘻𝘶𝘬𝘶, 𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘨𝘰, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘰, 𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘪, 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘴.

≛ 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵. 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵.

≛ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴: 1𝘬

≛ 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴: 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘥𝘢𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢 /𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘦𝘹, 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘮, 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨/𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺, 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘥𝘰𝘮 (𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪), 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 18. 𝘥𝘶𝘩.

𝘪𝘻𝘶𝘬𝘶:

i’m gonna be honest

that whole “innocent bby deku🥺” shit is played out. this man will demolish your pussy and will not apologize for it.

izuku has the full capacity to be rough in bed, so don’t let his sweet and demure presence fool you

he’s really into overstim surprisingly enough

watching you stir and keen as you cum again for the third time in a row fills him with a sense of pride

knowing nobody else could make you whine like this, make you sputter and stumble over each word, make you cream all over the dick the way he does

he also adores fucking you to the point where you can’t form a comprehensible sentence

he’ll give you deep, slow strokes while holding a bullet vibe directly to your swollen clit, pine eyes sparkling as he watches you plead for him to stop, yet buck your hips into him, chasing another orgasm.

calls you bunny instead of puppy bc ew

“you’re so insatiable, bunny. you like it when i—ah, fuck!—tease your pussy like this? ‘like it when i take what’s mine?”

the pleasure is overwhelming, insurmountable as he brings you to that prepice over and over again until you’re crying.

he’ll then flip you onto your stomach, hands digging into the dimples and slopes of your hips before absolutely impaling you on his length

he’s thick, and comes in at a solid 6-7 inches, so you’re always sore after a round or two

also

breeding kink. like a major one.

izuku wasn’t always the most confident in his abilities as a boyfriend let alone a lover

so when you started letting him cum inside you it was a huge boost

likes breeding you before work so he can think about the guys that hit on you in the break room smelling the scent of sex all over your body as you walk past them, sticky white fluid creeping down the leg of your pantyhose.

he couldn’t keep other guys from looking at you, but he could damn sure remind you of who you belonged to.

oh, and he’ll slide two fingers in once he’s done and scoop as much of his cum between them as possible before slipping them in your mouth so he can watch you suck it all off

this mf is possessive and nasty.

𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘨𝘰:

facefucking.

that’s it. send tweet

nah but in all seriousness, katsuki loves watching your eyes well up with tears as you squeeze and milk his dick for all it’s worth.

he’s a good 7-7.5 inches

not an insane amount of girth but the length more than compensates for it

most definitely uses it as a punishment

and isn’t afraid to do it while you’re in public either

which brings us to his exhibition kink

he’s very prideful when it comes to his reputation as a hero, so you would think that it would keep him from doing anything scandal worthy

wrong

it only adds to the searing arousal he gets from watching your tongue fondle his sensitive head, knees bruised from being beneath him for so long

it’s a power trip for him, especially if he’s in costume

depending on your behavior, he’ll be generous and let you swallow while praising your performance

or he’ll wrap a hand around the back of your neck, slide your mouth off of his spit-soaked cock, and stroke himself until his cum splatters all over your eyelashes, fully debauching you in the desolate alleyway

he’s made you walk back home with cum all over your face before, after you’d been particularly bratty over the course of a week

“katsuki! i can’t walk back home like this, what if someone notices?!”

“should’ve thought about that before you decided to visit me while you weren’t wearing any fuckin’ panties. nasty little girl...now hurry up and get a move on, and you better not wipe it off either.”

loves the thrill of humiliating you

unrelated, but he’s an ass man through and through, taking such pleasure in watching it jiggle and ripple under each heavy blow he delivers

takes photos of the marks afterwards and has an album for em.

he also loves fucking you on different surfaces around your penthouse (and his agency)

the man is territorial

so what better way to mark his territory than by making his gorgeous girlfriend squirt and cream all over it?

𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘰:

babe i am so sorry for your neighbors

cause if there’s nothing else shinsou loves it’s to make you scream

he’s got a corruption kink, but not in the way most people do

he doesn’t give a damn if you’re sweet and innocent, or if you’ve got the mouth of a sailor and could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch

what matters to him is making you lose your composure.

one day you’d been anticipating a call back from a job interview you’d gone to a few days prior

and shinsou just so happened to be observing your blissed-out expression as he ground into you from below, your body atop his

when your damned phone started ringing

being the sly little shit that he is, he saw an opportunity

“answer the phone pretty girl...don’t wanna keep them waiting, do you?”

reaching for your buzzing cell, you press the green ‘accept’ button, raising the device to your ear as you jolt forward

“hello, may i speak to y/n?” a chipper voice chimed through the receiver.

“t-this is sh-she. how can i—ah!—help you?” you garble your words, trying to suppress your moans

hitoshi merely takes this as a challenge, opting to drive into you deeper whilst trying to keep the noise down, it’s less fun when it’s obvious what you two are doing

his dick is thick as FUCK. 6 going on 7 inches but honestly you couldn’t give less of a fuck with the way he’s stretching you

surprisingly enough you managed your way through the phone call, telling the white lie of “helping the neighbors move”

but little did you know this was only the beginning of hitoshi’s new favorite pastime

he’s another exhibitionist too

so uh...good luck with that

remote control vibrators on dinner dates, fingers stuffed deep inside your sloppy cunt while he makes small talk with your mom at the dinner table,

even kneeling beneath your desk and sending you to heaven and back while you’re on a video call with your fucking boss.

he’s addicted to watching you fall apart, and is more than willing to apply that pressure.

𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘪:

dabi’s dick would fuck anyone stupid.

let’s make that clear.

it’s canon that he’s got a jacob’s ladder, blah blah blah, but let’s discuss how fucking pretty it is

creeping in at a firm eight inches, and about 4 and a half in girth with a drool-worthy mauve tip, his shaft slightly lighter than the rest of his tanned, unscarred skin

it’s dangerous, barbells running up the underside of his shaft or not

definitely into temperature play

and i’m not talking about that soft shit like warming up his fingers whilst they’re plunging in and out of your sweet center

no no no

that fucker will BRAND you and will not apologize

you’re his pretty little cumdump, and he’ll stake his claim upon your body how ever the hell he pleases

degradation is a given.

“—what a fuckin’ whore. tch, you really think you deserve this dick?”

“how about you get on your knees and beg for it then if you’re so damn needy.”

“quit your god damn whining, or i swear i’ll leave you spread out on this fuckin’ bar for shiggy to find. maybe i’ll even get a promotion for giving him such a slutty little bitch to use.”

“what’s wrong? does it hurt sweetheart? can’t take it after you talked all that shit earlier?” you shake your head no, thighs trembling as you struggle to maintain the position dabi’s folded you into. “...good.” he smirks, eyes gleaming with malice before pounding you to filth, cries spilling from your mouth as you beg for release, knowing he won’t give it to you.

making you cry? a specialty of dabi’s. your tears get him harder than anything; to watch your lips quiver as you sniffle, wiping away tears while he palms himself through his sweats

has shown you off to shigaraki, and will not hesitate to tongue your fluids off his digits while carrying on a full conversation with the other man.

after all, when you know your toy’s better than someone else’s, you tend to brag.

𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘪:

speaking of this mf

he’s the reason gamer boys get the rep of having massive dicks

cause god damn did you not expect this man to be slinging around eight bordering on nine inches of dick. four and a half to five inches of girth. poor you.

he’s also got a penchant for angry sex, so if that’s not enough of an indication that you’re going to have trouble walking afterwards i don’t know what is

but one thing he loves more than taking you apart piece by piece and cumming inside of you with zero remorse?

doing it when he’s in the middle of a game, and he’s online with the party’s voice chat.

“mmm—god, you really will do anything i tell you....swallowing every inch while these guys get to listen, and you’re not even embarrassed, you’re getting off on it!”

“i love little sluts like you, always doing whatever it takes just to have a cock pry them open at all times. that’s what you are, right? my little slut, made for me to do whatever i want to.”

yes, he’s made you whine so sweetly for him, cry as you beg him to touch you, while he plays fucking valorant.

and you can’t count how many times he’s mocked the way you gag and choke on his massive length while he played genshin impact with random guys online.

is a sucker for a good set of nudes, and isn’t afraid to ask for them on a regular basis

plus he just likes taking pictures/videos of you in general, saving them to a private album of his phone for him to use when you’re not there

he may parade you around as though you’re a lifeless fuckdoll, but if nothing else he’s possessive, and would rather relive the pain of losing to all might than let another man see you the way he does

but i’ll be honest, tomura’s not always a teasing, possessive, vindictive asshole with a huge dick.

he’s also a teasing, possessive, vindictive asshole with a thing for being dominated....and a huge dick.

see, it balances out!

it started with a bet that if he lost another round of mortal kombat you got to peg him

it took a lot of convincing, but he agreed to the terms, certain he’d win regardless

and after button smashing like your life depended on it with subzero, you managed to secure the win.

a grin stapled itself to your face after being treated to two hours of tomura’s incessant sobs and wails

“mhm—please...i can’t take it—ah! fuck, fuck, fuck! right there!”

“don’t make me work for it, i promise you’ll never be player two again, just please let me cum—m’ so close..”

game nights are always fun with him, you can count on it.

𝘩𝘢𝘸𝘬𝘴:

my god my god

i’m gonna say it right now: keigo doesn’t eat pussy for you.

he does it for him.

and that makes all the difference in the fucking world when he’s pulling you to sit on his face

scruff scratching at your inner thighs deliciously as he makes you squirt alllll over aforementioned facial hair, rolling your hypersensitive clit between soft lips and a fluid tongue

he could stay between your thighs for hours and hours on end

will propose to devour you in the most inappropriate of places

and honestly? isn’t the least bit ashamed about it. elevators, in front of large office windows just a few stories above the street where you’re just barely visible to the people below,

on endeavor’s decorative towels after he spread them out on the floor so he could fuck you senseless on top of them, etc.

the flame hero had pissed him off earlier, and he needed to exert some petty rage. this was most sensible use of his energy.

also in case it wasn’t obvious: breeding kink. duh.

no thoughts head empty just hawks begging to breed you during his rut

“come on pretty girl, let me make you a momma....can’t wait to stuff you full of my chicks....”

he blushes so deeply when he’s close to cumming

and boy does he fucking whine

dick is just as pretty as he is, he’s a good 6 inches with a three inch girth; tip flushed and pink

definitely cherishes intimacy during sex

and will certainly go out of his way to make sure you feel comfortable/desired

he could have all the money/fame in the world

and it still wouldn’t compare to the feeling of your thighs suffocating him while he slurps at your cunt like it’s his last meal.

[justalost4girl]

" If anything can go wrong, it will."

Good night!! (Here it's still night :p )

A few weeks ago I said I would do a oneshot Lorraine Broughton x F! Reader, but it got too big so I decided to follow the initial idea and turn it into a mini series. I have two chapters written and I'm going to post them here and in Ao3, I think there will be 3 or 4 chapters in total, but I'm not sure yet.

English is not my first language, so all mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!!

warnings: mention of violence, R cursing, forgery of documents (?)

Words: 4573

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1989

Berlin, East Side

You feel in your bones, when you wake up, the consequences of last night and think that the famous Murphy's Law decided to test you. On this side of the wall few things go right, but having an order in your head two days after joining STASI's wanted list proves that nothing is so bad it can't get any worse. Courtesy of a dumb customer who messed with the wrong people and thought revealing where you find your customers would be enough information to escape death. The Local Gang (or Angels, as they call themselves) loves to eliminate competition from the market.

Now he's dead and you have to deal with the STASI AND the Local Gang (you refuse to call them Angels).

The local fucking gang that sent a team of idiots to break into your favorite bar and made you run out the back door before meeting a customer who was going to pay well. The local fucking gang who must be pissed that you shot the six dumbest members you've ever had to face in your life. No really fatal shots, but of course that won't matter as they do business with the KGB.

Sometimes you want to ignore the rules you've made for yourself, especially "never kill someone unless it's in defense of yourself or someone you love", but you think killing six agents who don't have the ability to set up an ambush of success would be a great waste of bullets. Now you know you're going to have to leave town soon and you have no idea how to break the news to your brother/partner, how do you honorably abandon a war before it's over?

Damn Murphy's Law

You know you need to sort this out, but you refuse to stay in bed crying over what's already written and decide to leave the wonderful Egyptian linen sheets you got from your favorite client last month to face the world and it's impossible to face the world without a good amount of coffee. After a quick shower with a cup of Blue Mountain in hand, your newest addiction, you sit in a robe in a nice armchair, look out the window at dying Berlin and thank heaven for the comfortable life you've earned by working with one of the greatest smugglers on this side of the wall, perhaps from all over Germany. Some desperate customers offer you valuable items from them in exchange for passports and unlike your idiot “brother”, you don't have a rule about only receiving cash. Almost everything here comes from gifts, from the sofa, pictures, bags, clothes and even some books on your shelf. You don't even remember buying that cup, or the coffee set, for gods' sake.

If he saw you now he'd complain about being soft with customers and say something about how items aren't a bargaining chip in the real world, you'd get into a tiresome discussion about enjoying the finer things in life and how bills don't compare in the importance of yours. silver chain with moon pendant that was once an amulet for more than three generations for a French family.

At the end of the day, Merkel has a large information network and an office that takes up half the block, where she keeps as much money as she has secrets, and you have a house decorated by other people where each object symbolizes someone you've helped.

Four walls don't make a house

The thought takes away some of the almost peace you feel and you decide to finish your coffee before it gets cold.

After a quick glance at the calendar you remember about the march that will take place in Alexanderplatz square and decide to go scream for Germany one last time, hopefully you'll be able to hide long enough to see the fall of the damn wall that divides this country. It's not your country, not really, you don't even like to remember how you got here, but the experiences you gained wouldn't be exchanged for anything, not even for an original Van Gogh. Also, Merkel asked you to go and bring a black umbrella, the reason was not explained and you didn't feel like asking, sometimes you think Gordon Merkel is not his name, but how to judge the man who is your only family in this end of the world? You smile when you remember that he shouldn't have an umbrella with a story as cool as his and decide to piss him off for it.

Your phone rings, and you notice you've lost track of time. Merkel was helping a blonde woman named L, he didn't give you more details other than a few stories about how she was a perfect and dangerous assassin that you should keep your distance, as few people know how to deal with her. You thought he overreacted, but you had to take over some business from him while she was in town. She seemed important considering the way he told you about her and you knew better than to deny help to the person who always supported you and declared himself a brother, you trusted him because not even the best agent in the world could fake so much sincerity and affection in claiming this title for himself.

You reach out, pick up the phone, and decide to answer it. “Hey little sister, how are you out there? I called to say that everything is fine for dinner today, but there was a mishap and the wine ran out, bring the best Bordeaux you have, I'll return the courtesy as soon as possible." A code, of course.

He needs your services ASAP. Wine is a passport, Bordeaux means two elements, courtesy involves a child.

You can combine business with pleasure "Hi brother. I'm looking forward to today, I'll take the best wine I have, don't worry. I already know how you can thank me. I need to clean the house and go to the office first, but I'll be there on time. wait for me." you say in a voice that oozes normalcy, you never know when someone's listening on the phone especially now that you're a fugitive, disgraced customer. Your body sinks into the armchair noticing the oncoming cloud of worry

Merkel now knows you need his help, as cleaning the house means getting away and going to the office shows you're in a hurry.

"Alright, do you want me to send the driver?" He asks like he's not freaking out and offering the bloody job of one of his mercenaries

“No, bro, thanks, I know the way.” You say as if you really have an escape plan besides getting a fake passport, emergency backpack and all the money you can find.

“See you later, don't forget the wine. Are you sure you don't want the driver?" You wonder if he has forgotten that knowing the way literally means everything is fine

“Relax, see you later” It takes a few seconds for him to hang up and you can hear his sigh.

He will be SO pissed.

You put the phone down as you get up to gather the passport forgery materials and put them in a briefcase. Your cookbook is already there along with some banknotes from different countries. As you pick up the black backpack of standard clothes and accessories that always waited for you in the corner of the door, you decide to wear the first jacket you bought, the dark blue jeans, the combat boots you got from a skinhead, the wristwatch you bought. you got for your brother's birthday, thick leather gloves and a thin white shirt that matches the rest of your outfit. After all, if you can die when you open the door, then die well dressed. Be sure to keep the Colt 1911 around your waist and the Russian dagger around your ankle, after yesterday you never know, Your pocket watch with the coat of arms of the Brazilian imperial family indicates that 15 minutes have passed since Merkel's phone call

You take one last look at the house you've been so proud of in recent years, snap a photo with the Polaroid you've won, and, with a bittersweet smile, close the door. One day when the wall comes down, the government changes and your face is forgotten, you can come back here, until then you will have to make do with the photo album you keep in your backpack and this photo.

Putting on your sunglasses, you arrive on the street and decide to take a taxi on the other corner, make sure you look around before leaving your home, no one knows your address, but you can't be sure the local gang is so stupid to the point of not following you after last night.

Getting a taxi was relatively easy. Neil, the driver, thanks to the boots, mistook you for a revolutionary and talked for 10 minutes about how he hoped he could take down the wall with his bare hands, you thought it was cool, but as you passed the big river that was just a few blocks away from the your brother's office, you couldn't hear a word from him.

A sign signaling that the river was closed to visitors made your eyes fill with tears. You used to go there when the day was bad, spread a blanket in a corner and watch the stars, or just laugh at the distinct reflection the water made of the moon and stars. Merkel accompanied you on anniversaries, justifying them as bonding experiences. After some freaks started swimming in the river and executions increased, STASI took over and you replaced the dark water for the restaurant's bright lights. But seeing it tightly closed gave him a feeling of anguish and rancor. You would silently curse the wall builders for the rest of the trip.

Neil seemed to notice but didn't comment on it, you thanked him, wiped your tears and left a good tip as you descended a block away from your final destination. This time you didn't need to look around because even though Merkel was super busy, he made sure to leave some security close to where your landing place was.

A tall man dressed in a red T-shirt approached you and hugged you as if he hadn't seen you in a long time. You've known him since the beginning of last year, when he arrived at Merkel's office begging for a job, and from the first moment the way he turned grief over his brother's death into a thirst for revolution made you admire the young man. The two of you walked through the great gate hand in hand as you asked about his life with genuine interest, and Klaus increasingly believed in Merkel's theory about you having such a pure heart that you didn't care about motivation or the number of lives they took, your explanation of the judgment not being your responsibility, crossed the man's head before he escorted you to the main office.

You thanked him with a smile, opened the door and stood in front of the table in the windowless room, where your brother was already waiting for you.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay? I was about to send J to get you, please tell me what happened"—he said hurriedly as he got up and pointed at the couch for you to sit on. J was one of the most dangerous women in the building and you were grateful for not wasting her time.

Putting your backpack and umbrella aside, you answered:

"I'll explain later, little brother, now let me help you. You need passports urgently, don't you?" Yes, you were stalling and postponing the conversation. He'd call you an idiot for going out on the street right after you got on the wanted list, and he'd feel guilty when he found out why you didn't tell him. Merkel wasn't going to understand that her fear of failing him was no one's fault but yourself.

Your sentence seemed to give him some responsibility back, but still, as he held out a glass of water for you, his eyes met yours with a glint that warned that this conversation was far from over.

"Yeah, I really do, but don't think I'm going to forget about it. Let's talk when this is all over. Even if it's the last thing I do today."

You accepted the glass with a bit of trepidation and stood up towards the large center table while opening the briefcase with the supplies you were going to need, if Merkel noticed the bills he didn't say anything. Once at the table, you made two passports for mother and daughter in record time. According to the clock, 10 minutes passed, faster than a car, this deserves a celebration. It would have been six if Merkel hadn't been so curious to make you waste time pulling your watch out of your pocket just for him to analyze.

Everything was going well and there was only one last detail for mother and daughter to be taken by one Percival to the other side of the wall. Percival, according to Merkel, was strange and fickle. Unreliable and extremely dangerous, you should also keep your distance from him, as this man had crucial contacts on both sides of the wall.

"He must have fewer contacts than you", you would answer

If a loud noise didn't break the silence

The annoying noise of the door creaking made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you almost missed the last signature, it made your body vibrate with irritation and your eyes follow to the offensive source of the sound. A tall man with short hair and blue eyes was holding the doorknob with a military posture and before you could release your anger and explain something about how people shouldn't be violent inside Merkel's office you noticed he was accompanied by a woman.

AND WHAT A WOMAN!

Your eyes connected to a pair of fierce, intent green eyes, surrounded by a pale skin tone and hair so blond it looked like snow. The barely perceptible frown showed she was surprised to find someone other than Merkel there, yet she looked ready for a battle. You looked into her eyes again and nodded in acknowledgment, this must be L, the woman he was talking about.

She looked at you suspiciously, but also as if she could see into your soul, and what must have been frightening, you found endearing. A few stories of murders orchestrated by her crossed your mind, but all you could imagine is how beautiful she must be when she's mad.

They say green eyes darken when we're high on adrenaline, does that happen to her?

Her analysis of the intriguing blonde ends when she notices that the man accompanying her has raised his voice and from his furious expression, it's not the first time he's repeated the question. You interrupt him before you hear him and make sure to direct the ghost of anger before him:

"Have you lost your mind? Who walks into the office without knocking? Surely you should be here asking about passports, but if it weren't for my experience and steady hands, they would be in the trash by now. Learn to be civilized. You're under two paws not four, so act human and not animal" you say in an explosive but articulate tone to make sure he understands what you say. Sometimes when you speak fast, you are betrayed by faulty diction. Not today. Today you want this man to feel every fiber of irritation that went through his body.

Hearing Merkel holding a nervous laugh, you try to relax, but judging by the cold, almost murderous look of the man in the doorway, you've definitely gotten yourself in trouble. Looking at the organized clothes, you notice it's an old police uniform, probably taken by your brother, and unless Merkel has hired new employees, you've never seen it around here. His eyes snap back to his and something inside you warns that this must be Percival. He probably wants to kill you.

Damn Murphy's Law

A brief silence settles in the room and you shake off the fear and turn away, refusing to play the glaring game with a man who almost spoils your art. On other days you might look at him at a party, but today you want to make him swallow the ink on the stamp in his hands and invite the blonde to dinner

And it's her voice that breaks the silence.

You're flipping through the two passports for failures when she says

"Sorry, miss. My friend is an unprecedented idiot. Shall I close the door and knock again? Perhaps your highness too--"

You turn her body towards her when you hear the slightest hint of irony in her tone and interrupt her with a fake smile as you look into her eyes.

"It's not necessary, I accept your apology, Miss. I always said that Merkel should have someone armed at the door to remind everyone of the need to knock on the door. Anyone who didn't knock would lose his mind as the law of my reign says. Perhaps I should start. for him, since the top head is the last thing he wears lately" you joke look at Merkel who doesn't seem offended by the statement, shrugging you look at those blue eyes again and say "the passports are ready. Let's get out of here."

You close the passports, reach for your backpack and umbrella and start moving towards the door, both agents let you lead the way and judging by the blonde's expression, she's not used to being interrupted, nor is she used to seeing someone talking like that with Merkel, but today it was acceptable. You really think she's adorable, but you know better than to let someone make fun of you, especially in front of your brother who wouldn't let you forget about it. Either she doesn't care, or she's a great actress. Anyway, that idiot is still by her side and you refuse to be the reason for his possible laugh.

Her friend probably didn't have the same acting classes and his resemblance to the local gang members, like he's going to kill you in the blink of an eye in a cowardly way, is almost frightening. If Merkel hadn't said L is a woman, you'd be scared. It makes you shiver a little and look for Merkel, but he's not following you. Looking over his shoulder you see him putting a few more piles of dollars and euros into your briefcase. With a snap of your fingers you get his attention and before you walk out the door, you hear the briefcase click closing.

Once out of the room, you look around and realize that nothing has really changed, all faces are familiar, except for three people: a couple talking to a child. After a brief analysis you find yourself facing the passport clients, mother and daughter. The man doesn't look older than 60 and has kind eyes, almost as if he doesn't live on this side of the wall.

They don't seem to notice you

Your observation is interrupted by Merkel's loud, proud voice, right behind you. Here it comes

"This is Elizabeth Loyd and Percival, two trusted clients. Elizabeth and Percival, this is my little sister, she will be on the march today, if you need anything in the future you can talk to her."

Hearing her name, you notice that Merkel really wasn't creative at all. Who would use the initial letter of a surname as a symbol? Anyone who heard the stories about L and met a loyde who knows a Merkel would make the connection. As you turn around, you swallow your nervousness and try to put on your best smile as you say your name to them. The blonde woman who finally has a name, Elizabeth, leans closer, her eyes never leaving yours, and you wonder if she can feel the jumble of emotions that is unraveling inside you.

She smiles a smile that makes you sure she does and reaches out and greets you with a firm grip, if she noticed the sweat on your hands, she didn't let on. She also looks a little more comfortable.

Maybe because she noticed you said her real name, idiot.

You hate yourself for one second and the next you want to be without gloves because it feels soft and warm.

The man, Percival, comes next and looks at you suspiciously and the smile fades from your face, you wonder if no one else can smell the strong smell he gives off, a smell of cheap whiskey and arrogance. Still, he holds out his hand and this time you thank the gods for the gloves. Make sure you don't bow your head or fail in your posture. He still looks at you like you killed his son. Useless even to pretend, for God's sake.

Merkel watches the exchange from afar and nods to Elizabeth, she responds and Percival walks away looking uneasy. You look around uncomprehendingly, feel a little left out, and wonder which computer must have Tetris installed.

You would kill for a distraction right now.

Going out on the street in a crowded march while being chased by two groups still makes you sick.

Your brother approaches and extends his hands around you. You've missed him for the past few weeks. He still wears the perfume you gave him for his birthday and it makes you sink deeper into the hug. You know he's going to be mad when he finds out what happened so you enjoy as much affection as you can

"Little sister, in addition to our conversation I need to tell you something" his voice is low in tone and you doubt you would understand the words if you weren't so close to him "but I can't do that until the march is over. Meet me at usual table at the restaurant where we celebrate our achievements, It's very important"

His even low voice is charged with strong emotion and you are genuinely worried, Merkel has never been like this before.

"I'll do it, brother, I promise. Whatever it is, we can work it out together" you say with all the certainty you can muster in your voice, because you need him to understand that this is true.

You feel eyes on you and as you look up you notice that Elizabeth keeps an eye on your exchange with Merkel while talking to the little girl's father, from the distance she probably can't understand anything and you don't know if she celebrates or cares with so much attention received. A little further away is a Percival who pretends to be busy with the coat he's wearing. He also pays attention to your exchange, but his talent for discretion is as effective as his ability to open doors.

Your eyes return to the concentrated blue eyes that are in front of you and Merkel speaks in an almost inaudible way:

"When I whistle, I need you to raise your open umbrella and stay alert. The three people we're going to cross are very important, nothing can go wrong. But if it does, I'll be at the restaurant, whatever happens find me there."

Noticing the proximity of Percival and Elizabeth, you place your hand on your brother's shoulder and smile as you speak a little louder:

"Don't worry man, it's always a pleasure to help you. I'll leave my briefcase here, then meet you to get it. Good march."

Merkel shows that she understands his strange move and smiles, you greet some friends of his that you haven't seen in a while and as you head towards the exit, you meet a pair of deep green eyes. Elizabeth is gleaming in the cold lights that are refracted by the mosaic of the gate, she looks into your eyes, ever alert, looks at the object in your hands and nods her head with a half smile, do you think the guard's idea black rain was hers.

As you wave back, you can feel that a pair of eyes haven't left your back since the moment of your brother's embrace, as the old man is saying goodbye to the family, you know who they belong to and decide not to look for them. If the STASI, KGB or local gang find you, he doesn't own the pair of eyes you want to remember before you die.

Taking a deep breath, you walk through the gate and blend into the crowd.

..........................................................................................................................

After leaving Merkel's office block, you take a hat out of your backpack and wear your sunglasses as you look around, not that a local gang member is here but because if he sees you in disguise he will ask a series of questions and he has enough problems already, plus STASI must be monitoring this area and the last thing you want is to be arrested. You decide to tuck your coat into your backpack to change your look, and while internally debating your ability to ignore the cold, your eyes catch the almost snowy blond hair in the crowd.

This signals that they are already on the march and you decide to get a little closer to them, but make sure you do this without drawing attention to yourself since the nasty man is still there. Elizabeth is on your diagonal absorbing all the extraneous details that might be a possible threat, she seems so focused on the job of passing the owner's gentle eyes in a safe way that it makes you wonder how important he is and if she's noticed you.

A few meters later a familiar noise floats through the march and you open the umbrella almost instantly, as do other protesters.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Percival taking the man's family across and sometime later Elizabeth does the same. You notice that her posture has changed and when she decides to stop for a better look, the crowd drags her and you can no longer locate her.

Her feet continue forward and as some signs are raised by the protesters, you try to find your brother. Unsuccessfully. You decide to trust their ability and hope that you can meet him again at the restaurant.

You also want Elizabeth to be okay.

Continuing on the march, after two or three long blocks you notice the familiar silhouette of one of the STASI bosses, he is watching the crowd as if looking for someone, but he doesn't seem to notice you. You notice observers on top of buildings and decide to leave the streets. Whether it's the Local Gang, KGB or STASI itself you don't know and decide you don't want to know.

Your brain tries to design routes to escape and your body mimics the movements of the closest protesters so as not to draw attention to you, but when some agents in black point in your direction and make space in the crowd, you run between people to seek shelter in somewhere you know and at every step you are sure that the day will be worse than you thought.

Damn Murphy's Law

[perhapsthanatos]

06:01 am with sungchan ♡

nct's sungchan x fem!reader (ok do u guys know that one vine where its in a party & a girl is vaping & a dude says “wow”? yeah, thats where i got my inspo from)

alternate title: after the afterparty

genre: fluff. pinning. non idol au. party!au (is that a thing?).

word count: 1250~

playlist: melodrama (the whole album) by lorde.

warnings: mentions of some of the nct dream members as well as some mentions of the loona members (not really a warning though). this is set before corona was a thing (pls dont do this now). it is set in a house party (with tension). mentions of drugs (weed), alcohol & smoking. mild swearing. making out perhaps? lower case intended.

a/n: this has been on my mind for awhile now & im really excited to put this out there! it also has more tension compared to the other works so yay :)) i also just wanna take a moment to thank the lovely @nct99 for helping me out with this plot & giving some prompts & ideas too?? :(( she is such a sweetheart & pls she is so talented too ugh im so glad we r mutuals & fellow lorde stans :(( give her love rn or else i will eat ur shower curtains (& nae i hope it was worth the wait! i wish i added more references tho lmaoo)

another graceless night and another house party. this time, it was chenle’s birthday. he is a friend of yours, known for having a huge mansion and known for throwing the best parties regardless of the occasion. come to think of it though, it could easily be the 7th one this week and it’s barely wednesday. the evening passes fast as golden rays already start to gently peek through the thin curtains of the tall windows near the living room, as bodies of wasters are sprawled all over the house.

you lean back on the couch further, a curtain of haze taking up your vision as you inhaled another hit of the fresh blunt. even with the sun rising, you still make most of what you can get before everyone (and everything) starts leaving. you never were a party person until your friends dragged you into it. since that day you found it to be a fun way to get rid of your problems and worries (even if it was just for a few hours). partying (as gross as it sounds) became a routine, even becoming its own cycle. you come, you leave and you have everything in between be a complete blur, maybe even staying completely jaded until the daylight returns. some nights it feels good to kiss and keep busy rather than face the constant harsh reality.

you turn your head to see sungchan, the back of his head resting on the top of the couch right next to you. his leather jacket rubbing against your bare arm. his eyes are closed showing off his long lashes and his pink lips are chapped and parted. he looks seraphic in this light.

to be honest, you didn’t know much about sungchan. all you knew was that he’s the new kid who started getting close with jisung barely a month ago. that led jisung to introduce him to the group and him getting welcomed in with open arms by everyone, except you. it’s not that you hate him or have anything against him, if anything he seems like the most charming people out there. you just have trouble opening up to new people especially when you’re already so comfortable with the others (which he could kind of guess already). but since he joined, he was also dragged into the party scene and often played the role as the designated driver and part-time babysitter (a role that he takes seriously along with jeno). it isn’t an uncommon occurrence for him to be seen wrestling the bottle of gin away from hyejoo, strapping in renjun’s seat belt for him, cleaning up yerim’s vomit or carrying an unconscious donghyuck over his shoulder. come to think of it, he fits in just fine. you have often found yourself near him during parties. just kicking back and sitting in a comfortable silence with you drinking and smoking from time to time. he is the one that notices when you’ve had enough and wanted to leave. maybe you’re more alike than you think?

“feeling good?” he asks, smelling the fresh smoke. he turns his head to you and opens one of his eyes.

you only nod and sigh, turning your head back to the ceiling. waves of calmness hit your head, forcing every burden out. you were about to offer him a hit but you remembered that he would only reject it. but you take another for yourself and he can only stare, completely enamored. we watches the smoke escape your lips in slow.

the thing is, he always had some sort of thing for you. a crush? a person he found cool and therefore admired? a person who he found so damn gorgeous all the time? god knows. all he knew was that there was something in you that was so addictive. on the nights where he’d stay sober, he’d watch you sit by his side, quietly drinking up your little movements and habits. even if he hates the taste of alcohol or the smell of gasoline, he loved how your teeth would close around the liquor-wet lime slices that would sit on the side of your cup and how your smoke always finds a way to leave him stained. he would constantly be falling into this fixation of you. you are etched into his mind as the embodiment of perfection even if you have multiple flaws just like he does. his mind constantly lays restless during the most ungodly hours while all of his dreams show you and him in different dimensions. it hurts him to violently like you like this but how can he not resist when the heartache came from you?

“sungchan,” you quietly call out, turning your head back to him, only to see him already staring.

“hm?” he takes one of your hands, in case you wanted to get up and couldn’t walk.

“may i try something?” you ask him, curiously with your hooded eyes barely holding on to consciousness.

“what is it?” he sits up, trying to help.

you gently push him back into the couch and straddle his hips. his eyes slightly widen and his cheeks turn a rosy red.

“ah, y/n, you’re fucking high.” he warns, stroking your hair and leaning further back.

you only giggle. your finger lifts his chin up, making him look directly at you. his shaky eyes are too irresistible.

“tell me when you wanna stop.”

you take the blunt, inhaling deeply. he continues to hold you, admiring the view while he’s at it.

you then gently pulled him closer by the neck (quite slowly incase he wanted to oppose) to leave an open-mouthed kiss on his plum lips to transfer the smoke into his mouth. he does not fight the feeling, how can he when your lips are the softest thing he has ever felt? the smoke began to seep through as he started to move his lips, eliciting a groan from you. is this what euphoria feels like? his grip on your waist tightens as your arms wrap around his neck, prompting him to go further.

sungchan, almost breathless pulls on your bottom lip, bruising them to then pull away to work at your neck, licking and leaving kisses all over. butterflies filled your stomach for the first time in awhile. you never felt this way towards another person in too long. is it love or desperation? you watch the smoke flow away so gracefully around your bodies, despite what just happened. sungchan pulls away and looks at you, his eyes holding the world. you pray that you didn’t frighten him away.

“you do not know how long i’ve been wanting to do that,” he whispers, his forehead against yours. you smile in return, pulling away to place a small kiss on his jaw which clenches from the sudden contact. you rest your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes as his head rests on yours and his cold hands trace patterns against the skin of your back.

“know i think you’re fucking awesome, right?” you hum, making him smile like an idiot.

“hm, no. but i think you should know that i think you’re really fucking awesome, right?” he says holding you tighter and gently swaying from side to side.

“you wanna leave here and get some mcdonalds or something?”

“ooo, what ever happened to the babysitter and designated driver, hm? so what, you plan to leave them here hungover and defenseless?”

“shut up, it’s already dawn. they can take an uber. i just wanna spend time with you right now.”

“alright.”

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[springalwayscomes]

Home

The place where you are 

That place is probably Mi Casa With you I'mma feel rich  That place is no other than Mi Casa Turn it on, your switch  Yeah It's comfortable even as you say nothing With you, anywhere will be my home You know I want that Home You know you got that Home Your love, your love, your love (I miss that) Your love. your love, your love (I want that) Your touch, your touch, your touch (I need that)

- HOME, BTS

Plot: It almost feels like a dream to Teahyung when he finally wakes up home, with your baby beside him and the delicious smell of the pancakes coming from the kitchen. He is home, he is home and can’t help wishing to have more, of you, of this family, of this life. He desperately wants your love, he’s been missing it for so long, he needs your touch, the place where you are is his home, he wants that home.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut (so much it will make you loose your shit), established relationship

Wordcount: 10.8k

Content Warning: - oh lord help, here we go- dad!Tae, praise, dirty talk, fingering, blowjob, cum eating, creampie, swearing, finger blowjob, unprotected sex, overstimulation, cunt slapping, spit play, multiple orgasms, rough sex, thigh riding, mentions of masturbation, noona kink, cunnilingus, pining, missionary, hand job, pregnancy talk, impregnation kink, love making

The delicious smell of the pancakes are enough to wake Taehyung up, his stomach growling already even before he opens his eyes. It’s late, almost ten, and the fact he gets to stay in bed at this time makes his heart flutter in his chest as he remembers today it’s one of his free days and gets to spend it with you and your baby, finally. After weeks of not being around - the promotion of the new album and tour and the actual tour always keeping you too far away from each other - he can finally allow himself to open his heavy lids and peek at your beautiful baby girl sleeping in the middle of your bed, a raw of pillows blocking her from eventually turn and fall. She’s so little she’s as long as his arm, looking as cute as ever with her doe eyes closed and and her puffy cheeks, lightly snoring as he smiles at her. His chest burns with love as he already feels himself grow impatient for her to wake up, wanting to spend as much time as he can with you both, but he knows that he needs to keep it quite. When he came home last night, you told him she only slept three hours yesterday, so she needs to rest as much as he should be resting now, given the fact he basically slept the same. It was the last day of him being away from you both, and the night before he couldn’t bring himself to sleep, secretively wishing to hold you in his arms and leave sweet kisses to the puffy cheeks of your daughter. He should really rest a little bit more, but he doesn’t want to waste his time like that. Not today that he’s home and you cooked pancakes as breakfast. Not when he could finally hug you as you wash the dishes like you used to do when your relationship begun. Damn, it seems a lifetime ago.

Taehyung couldn’t hide his smile even if he tried, so he simply gives in to it as he walks towards your kitchen. The sight of you in his big - big - hoodie is enough to make him feel even more overwhelmed, and the way you swing your hips as you hum to Singularity under the cloth is just and addition to his maddening heartbeat to raise.

«Fuck, I love you»

You nearly let the pan fall to the ground at the sudden confession, not really used to his voice being so close. Closing your eyes and putting another pancake in the dish you turn to the door, taking in the sight. It feels like heaven, to finally have his disheveled dark locks back here in the morning, your fingers are already tingling to touch them. His eyes are slightly glassy for the sleepiness and his lips look even more soft than usual, maybe it’s because you haven’t kissed them in weeks.

«Come here» it’s almost a plead and he can’t contain himself from almost running towards you, distance sucks and you both don’t need it now, not even the slightest. In fact, the way he’s squeezing you in his arms makes you think that if it was possible he would literally melt you with his body. Taehyung takes in your fragrance, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he leaves soft kisses on your skin, his heart beating as if it’s the last time he gets to be this close to you. It happens every time, and it’s the same for you.

You both love each other so much it is literally impossible to explain, even the I love you’s that you exchange seem to not do the job enough. You’d literally cut your arm if it’d make him happy, and he’d do the same thing. After all, you’re the only thing that keeps him going on every day, you and your daughter.

«I missed you so much, is this real?» you murmur against his pijama shirt. Your boyfriend smiles, trying to ward off just enough to lock your eyes with his but you quickly whine and squeeze him even tighter.

«Don’t»

He giggles, the sound makes you feel like your day has finally reached its topic.

«It’s real» he mumbles, lips pecking at your skin another time as his hands slide under the fabric of his hoodie, tracing your back and lowering on your asscheeks.

«This is definitely real» he scoffs, squeezing them. You whimper under his big hands, and if he thought he had been missing you so much he couldn’t breathe some times, now he definitely thinks he was dead before coming home, you’re bringing him back to life.

«Your dumb ass is real too» you mutter as his smile grows even bigger. Taehyung leaves a soft kiss on your hairline, his action definitely contrasts his next one as his fingers dangerously approach the belt of your panties.

«I really missed you a lot» he whispers. His other hand reaches your cheek and you finally bring your eyes into his, melting as you see how they’re looking at you.

«It was so fucking hard to not be around you. I even missed your complaints»

You roll your eyes.

«I didn’t miss your dirty laundry on the floor the slightest» useless to say, you’re definitely lying. Just last week you ended up crying one night because your house seemed too tidied up without needing to yell at him.

Taehyung pouts, his lower lip almost brushing against yours as his expression makes you feel the urge to brush your pads against the dot on his upper and lower lips. You lift your hand from his chest just to do so, lightly caressing the flesh as he licks his lips right after, eyes shifting from yours to your lips.

«Why are you so rude, I was being serious» he whispers again.

«I wasn’t» you whisper back, already tip-toeing to get to his lips.

«I missed you and your annoying habits, every single one of them»

By the time your sentence is spoken your lips are already on his, kissing like it’s the first time. Taehyung’s lips are intoxicating, they’re a drug and you’re just an addict trying to get as more as you can every time you get the chance to taste them. They make you feel high, almost dizzy as his tongue explores your mouth, his fingers moving again against your back and caressing the skin like he haven’t done for far too much time. The taste of you makes Taehyung always wish for more, and not only in a sexual way. It’s like he never has enough, and he doesn’t even know how to start to explain the way you make him feel. The fact you’re in his arms, wearing his hoodie, standing in your house, making breakfast as your daughter sleeps in your bedroom overwhelms him even more. And he realizes he was right all along, all the time he waited for you and all the time he had spent stealing glances at your way. This is what he wants, and he could never wish for something else. Not even in another world, universe, not even in another life. You’re his family. And his thought hits him even heavier as he parts to take a breath and already misses your lips on his, forehead resting over yours as the pads of his long fingers tickles at your back.

«I have-» he pecks your lips «one» another kiss.

«I have one-» this time it’s your turn to rest your lips on his and he chuckles against you making you do the same.

«One thing to-» and it happens another time. He groans as he slightly nibs your flesh with his teeth, earning a light whimper from you.

«Will you let me finish?» he laughs, resting his forehead again against yours, eyes so happy and light it makes your heart throb with joy.

«Do you really have to? I want to kiss you until you can’t breathe anymore» you whine. His tongue comes out to wet his lips at your words, your mouth is watering at this point.

«I really have to» he chuckles as his eyes scan all of your features, heart beating at a maddening pace as he takes in the sight.

«I have one thing to ask you» he murmurs.

«What?»

He shakes his head. «While we eat our pancakes, I’m starving»

He kisses you again before helping you finish to make your dishes and sitting on the barstool in front of the kitchen island, you sit beside him, desperately close like he would slip out of your grasp if you were just an inch or two more distant from him. You lean your head on his shoulder as you rip the pancake with your fork and bring it to your mouth, Taehyung lets his hand travel up your hip and scoots you even closer as you let out a moan at the taste of your breakfast.

«I really do love you a lot, you know right?» he murmurs, gaze lost on your face.

«You and that little scamp are my life and my family and all I want to do is take care of you for the rest of my life, because I can’t find nothing else that matters as much as you two. Not even myself. I’d literally do anything for you.» his voice has turned lower, his baritone making you turn just to meet his eyes full of fondness.

He licks his lips as you smile at his words, nodding because you know. You know it, you can read it in his eyes right now, just as much as you read it every other day as you video call through that damn phone. Taehyung wouldn’t even have a chance to hide it, even a stranger would be able to guess his love for you and your daughter, he’d guess it with his eyes closed.

You bring your fork to his mouth, waiting for it to open as he looks desperately deeply into your eyes, his hands coming up to cup at your cheeks as you rest your forehead against each other’s another time, the piece of pancake still hanging between your faces.

«Please, marry me.»

It comes out as a whine, like he can’t really bear to hold it in anymore.

Your heart stops, you swear the only thing keeping you alive now is the glint in his eyes, the love with which he is watching you. Taehyung’s heart is beating as loud as when he saw your baby for the first time, as fast as when you made love to him for the first time. And there’s a threatening feeling in his guts that is begging to tear him apart as you don’t seem to answer. His eyebrows knit together as he studies your features for the the tenth time and takes a deep shaky breath.

Truth is, you forgot how to speak. It’s too much to handle, you didn’t expect it at all. Taehyung and you had talked about it a little bit, but it was months ago and you weren’t really expecting him or you to propose this soon. Now that he bursted it out like this it’s making you feel emotions you’re not even able to discern.

«Jagi» Taehyung calls, his deep voice flustered. Your pancake is still between your lips and he lets out a tremulous sigh as he chooses to free the fork from it and wraps his lips around it, eyes never leaving yours. That seems to be the breaking point for you, as you burst out and let your self push hungrily against his lips, the pancake still in his mouth.

He moans as he forces himself to gulp, you nip at his lower lip with so much passion he feels himself about to explode right there and then.

He doesn’t need to kneel in front of you to ask you, and you both know it. Your heart is already his, your mind is already his. All of you is his. There’s not a single part of your body that doesn’t belong to him, not even an inch of your skin.

He doesn’t even need a ring, you don’t even care. All you need is his damn presence in your life until the day you die and you’re pretty sure that even then you’re going to love him endlessly. He is all you need, Taehyung is everything you can manage to think about, he is your thoughts, he is your happiness. It’s like a part of you is able to be yourself only when you’re with him, it’s hard to even breathe when he’s away.

«Please, marry me» is all you manage to say, repeating his words as you loose yourself in the taste of him. Taehyung feels his chest burst at the sweet utterance, the kiss had already given him a hint of your answer but hearing it come from your lips it’s fucking moving things inside him and the happiness taking over him is almost platonic as he smiles against you.

«Say it again» he begs, lips never leaving yours as his hands start trailing on your thighs, fingers causing goosebumps to form on your skin. He’s begging, but he can’t help it.

«Please, marry me» you repeat as you fist his hair, only now remembering you’re still holding the fork and letting it carelessly fall on the counter.

«Marry me, please, please.»

«Fuck, you’re going to be my wife.» he groans against you, another wave of happiness rushing through his body as he says the words.

«You’re going to be my wife» he repeats. You desperately nod against his lips finding it too hard to speak. Taehyung smiles and tightens his grip around you even more, long fingers sliding under your - his - hoodie for the second time, caressing your skin with so much passion and love that you feel yourself burn under his touch. The combination of his lips, the words he just said and the pads of his fingers slightly brushing against your skin until they meet your nipples are enough to make you as wet as you’ve ever been.

«I have a ring-» his lips leave yours just to leave a trail of wet desperate kisses against the column of your neck, and you have to hold back a loud moan when he nibs at your skin, you don’t want to wake your daughter.

«Could you give it to me later?» you shudder as you tilt your head back in pleasure.

«Yes, yes- Fuck, you make me so fucking happy jagi, I love you so much I can’t even explain it»

He sucks just under your jaw, the spot he learned over the years you love desperately.

«I love you too. Oh-» you bite down your lip as his fingers tease your already hard nipples, swirling them around and massaging your breasts with those big hands of his.

«Fuck, Tae, you’re gonna make me wake-»

«Shh, than keep it down» he murmurs, his low tone sending shivers directly at your soaked cunt.

«You’re so beautiful, so beautiful jagi»

His hands trail down your stomach until they meet your hips, his lips still attacking your neck until you decide you’ve had enough of the lack of his taste, slightly tugging at the roots of his dark locks to get him to kiss you again. And man- does it always feel better than the previous time, it does every time.

«I’m gonna make you feel good, yeah? You’re gonna come for me» he whispers as his fingers trail the path of your panties until they’re pushing them aside.

«Please» you whimper, eyes closing at the very moment his pads touch your folds, dangerously wet.

«Fuck, I missed your pretty little cunt» he groans, eyes shifting from your face to his fingers moving to your throbbing clit, he can feel it throb under his touch and it fucking makes him pulsate in his boxers.

«You don’t even know how many times I got off thinking about you, I wanted to call you» he’s breathing heavily as he watches his medium and index finger rub at your clit in an increasing pace that only makes you whine. The way you squirm at every movement and close your eyes is enough to make him think he could come without even doing anything.

«Why- why didn’t you call?» you let out breathless. Taehyung shakes his head.

«Fucking timezones» he hisses, adding just a little bit of pressure that has you clenching around nothing. He’s starting to feel uncomfortable sitting on the stool, so he stands up and opens your thighs for him even more, grabbing you by the back of your knees and pulling you closer to the edge of the sit.

«I don’t care about timezone, you know it» you try to hold back a moan as he starts sucking back at your neck, two of his fingers fill you up without giving you time to get used to the feeling, already arching into you and making you bite your lips. You missed his fingers so much that you feel overwhelmed now. All the nights you touched yourself you desperately pictured him over you, putting his skilled fingers to good use. Just the thought had made you come countless of times.

«But I care about you, I’m not going to call you at three in the morning just because I’m painfully hard. I can take care of it» he groans against your skin, earning a strangled moan from you at his words.

«Fuck, Taehyung faster»

His fingers shove even faster into you, lewd sounds of wetness filling the room and making your cheeks heat up as you hide your face on his shoulder.

«How can you fucking look like this? Damn, jagi, it makes me want to make you come endlessly» he hisses, his fingers are hitting all the perfect places, and the way his thumb now begins to rub back at your clit makes your hips jolt. It’s really too much to handle.

«My god, I missed your fingers» you whimper «I fucking missed you, so much»

Taehyung can’t hide his smile as he adornships you. He’s painfully hard, pushing at the cloth of his boxers and wondering how much longer they will resist until they’ll eventually tear apart.

«I swear I’m gonna give you the best blowjob you’ve ever received in your life after this» you whine, his cock twitches desperately at your words, and he groans as he bends his leg and blocks his toe on the lower part of the barstool. He removes his fingers from inside of you earning a whine at the loss, and his hands cup your hips as he tugs you even more towards him, letting you sit on his thigh.

«We have all day for it, now I just want to make you come endlessly. You’re so fucking hot it makes me ache» he groans, digging his fingers in your hips and slightly making you move on his leg, the pressure on your clit makes you feel dizzy and you let your head fall back another time as he bites his lips looking at your face.

«Use me, get off on me. Fucking god»

You place your hands behind his neck, feet now grounding on the floor as Taehyung makes sure to keep you steady with his hands on your hips. Damn, you’re going to be the fucking death of him.

«So fucking wet, you’re ruining my shorts.» he moans, clenched jaw as he watches the way your hips move. One of his hands comes up from your hips just to raise your hoodie and show him your breasts, Taehyung can’t help himself as he tilts his head and nibs at the nipples, leaving wet kisses all over your flesh and collar bones. Your breathing is uneven, the knot in your stomach building up more every second it passes by.

«I’d fuck you all day, you really don’t know what you do to me.» he licks at your neck as he makes his way towards your mouth.

«I’ll fuck you so good, I swear I’m going to take care of you every single day jagi. I’m going to give you everything I can and I’m going to work even harder for what I can’t give you. I love you so fucking much Y/N» his words take a total different way by the second part of his first sentence, but it doesn’t matter. His words are promises that he imprints into your skin like tattoos, the wetness of his saliva is the ink marking you as everywhere as he can get.

«Tae!» you moan in a whisper. Taehyung’s lips come to help you, kissing yours and swallowing your moans as you move even faster and harder on his tight.

«That’s it, come on me babe. Come on my fucking thigh, mess my shorts. Let me see that beautiful face of yours I’ve been thinking of as I jerked off when I was away»

«Damn, fu-» you can’t even proceed to finish your words, you’re already coming undone on his tight, the pleasure rushing through your body in thick waves and leaving your mind foggy and light at the same time, eyes shut close and chest heavily raising as Taehyung nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck and kisses your skin. You let your head fall on his shoulder as you keep your eyes closed, your body still twitching over his as you try to regain your breath back, heart beating at an inhuman speed.

«Are you okay?» his words make you smile.

«I’m really not» you pant. His head immediately leaves his hideout as he tilts it, eyes carefully looking into yours as his body suddenly tenses.

«You can’t come home and expect not to kill me with a proposal and a mind blowing orgasm» you whine. The warning in his eyes drifts away and he feels the tenseness leave his body as he smiles at you and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear.

«Actually, I was planning on making you come at least another time before I fuck you»

«Is this what this is going to be like?» you ask, a beaming smile on your lips as you peck his lips. His hands caress your skin in sweet, tender motions even though the bulge almost ripping his shorts screams nothing but it now, pushing against the material so much it makes your mouth water.

«I guess so» his forehead touches yours as he locks his arms behind your waist, his breath fans across your face and makes you feel even more warm than you already are.

«You don’t mind it, do you?» he grins.

«You already know the answer» you whisper. Your stomach grumbles just when you’re about to kiss him and Taehyung chuckles as he brings one of his hands in front of your face.

«You hungry?» his words are filthy, tone deepening as you feel the sudden need to feel his fingers inside you once again. His eyes never leave yours as he closes his hand in a fist and only leaves his medium and index fingers out for you.

«You want to eat?» his pads tap at your lips, feeling his cock twitch in his boxers. He’s really so hard it makes him ache, but doesn’t want to do anything else than to please you again. When he was away, he definitely missed it. He missed taking care of you, in every form and way. He missed coming back home to find you freezing on the bed and having to wrap you in his warmth just because the covers weren’t enough. He missed making you feel loved, he missed it as much as he missed your pretty mouth sucking his cock, and the fact that you’re opening your lips for him, eyes never leaving his and tongue coming out to lick at all the length of his fingers makes him loose his shit.

Your taste on his fingers makes you grin, realizing these really are his fingers and not yours anymore. He’s standing here right in front of you and today could perfectly be one of the happiest days in your life.

Taehyung hisses under his breath when you lightly nib his pads just to swirl your tongue around them desperately fast afterwards. His cock never felt more wet with precum than now.

«You missed my tongue, uh?» your voice is breathy and low and it’s making it even harder for him to contain himself. His jaw clenches as you naively blink.

«You missed noona’s tongue? The way I gulp around your sensitive cock when I make you cum?»

Taehyung definitely looses it now. He’s usually the one talking dirty, but when your pretty little mouth speaks to him like this his brain stops working, there’s nothing he can do about it. Your swollen lips leave a wet kiss on his pads before wrapping themselves around his fingers, moving slowly and witnessing the way his cock twitches once more. Truth is, the way he looks at you has you clenching around nothing. His eyes are totally blown with lust, drowning in yours as he does his best to hold his shaky breaths, lips starting to slightly hang agape as a sign of almost giving in and his messy dark locks framing the amazing sight.

«Fuck, yes» he hisses, his fingers start to move in your mouth so fast, hitting the back of your throat.

«Yes?» you stop his movements, hand wrapping around his wrist.

«You missed me doing this?» you leave a soft kiss to his medium finger and at the beginning Taehyung thinks that’s it, not really expecting you to grab at his damn cock and start stroking it through his boxers so quickly he doesn’t even notice you already let his shorts slide down his legs. His reaction his priceless, tilting his head back and letting out a strangled moan that makes you clench so tight that’d definitely make him come if he was inside you.

«Did I make you this hard? Noona makes you this horny?»

He bites his lower lip, the muscle of the leg still under you clenches and makes your mouth water as you hook the fingers of your other hand under the cloth of his waistband.

«You’re boxers are fucking wet. What’s gotten into you today? Does the thought of me marrying you makes you this wet?»

«Fuck, yes. Yes, noona» he gulps as he steadies himself against the kitchen island, strands of hair covering his eyes as you caress his sweet spot on his groin and then tug slightly at the material squeezing his length. You and Taehyung always had a balanced relationship, even in sex. You like to please each other as much as you like to receive and it took you nothing to figure out he loved to call you noona. It makes his cock twitch every time, he can’t help it. He loves it in the same way you love him talking dirty to you as he fucks you, shamelessly and helplessly. The fact that you’re able to switch who’s in charge so effortlessly makes things even more spicy.

«Yes what? Talk to me»

Taehyung finds himself moaning when you finally stop teasing him and suddenly lower his boxers, his long, thick cock hits his lower stomach with a lewd sound and his leg under you leaves his place just to help him be as steady as he can, he’s already feeling drunk because of you.

«Noona, please» his breath his dangerously heavy as he places his hand behind your neck, locking his gaze in yours. The way you lick your lips make him pulsate against your belly and you feel him through the cloth of his big hoodie.

«You’re playing dirty»

«I’m playing dirty?» you smirk, kissing his lips and trailing your fingers on his chest until you meet his nipples through the shirt  he’s wearing. Your lips lower on his neck and nibs at the skin under his ear, Taehyung is trying his best to not be vocal but he’s so fucking hard that by now every single touch of yours makes him want to scream.

«Yes,» he hisses «I wanted to eat you out»

You smirk on his skin. «My turn»

Your hand meets his cock and he holds a breath as the hand that was caressing his skin stops. He’s literally as wet as you’ve ever seen him, with his head dripping precum and making you wince at him.

«You’re making a mess on my floor»

He hisses once again. «It’s our floor, and don’t talk housewife to me now»

Your hand wraps around him with just the slightest of pressure that has Taehyung already begging for you to make him come in his mind.

«You need to get used to it» you whisper in his ear, a smile threatening to break your bold behavior.

Your thumb meets the head of his cock, your boyfriend - fiancé - desperately hides his face in the crook of your neck, nuzzling his nose onto your skin so much it makes your heart flutter. His grip around your neck tightens even more as you caress his head, soft pad collecting his precum and then swirling over his slit. The way his heart his beating and the feelings you’re giving him make him want to die right here and then, and another set of precum makes his way though his slit, making you hold your breath as you take in the sight. Taehyung’s face is still buried in the crook of you neck, he can’t even think of standing straight and holding its weight, he already knows he’s going to fail miserably.

«Noona» his strangled groan is muffled against your skin as you decide to move and caress his frenulum, you know he’s going to loose it, it’s always been his sweet place, it makes him loose his mind. Taehyung’s hips stutter under your touch, his teeth digging in your skin and giving life to a new burning sensation in your body.

«What? What do you want, baby?» you whisper.

«Please, please make me come»

Taehyung doesn’t even consider of holding back his pleads, not even in a million years. And you don’t even consider a “no” as an answer.

He’s begging you, and just the fact of it alone makes you squeeze him tighter in your fist, earning a gasp from his wet lips. If it’s possible his face buries even deeper into your neck, hissing and cursing at the way your “fucking little hand feels around me”, not even able to circle all of his girth. The way he’s holding onto you like you’re his lifeline makes a wave of fondness towards the man rush through your body and brings you to cup his balls, caressing them softly just like he likes.

«Fuck, Y/N» he moans, his hair tickling your skin.

«Do you like it?» your fist speeds up even more as you kiss his shoulder, yours hits his one at every movement, Taehyung feels already like he’s about to burst. All the days, the weeks you spent far away, the only thing that made him come when he jerked off was the thought of you. Your hands, your mouth, your body, your face, your words, your moans; it really doesn’t matter which one it was, cause it was always you. And every time he would make a mess with his white seed he’d always feel empty inside right after, just because when his mind would go back to normality you weren’t going to be there. But now you are, and he feels like nothing else in this damn world could ruin this moment, your presence is enough to make him moan.

«Yes, yes, you’re so- ngh, you’re so good to me» it’s hard to speak in this state. Your fist speeds up even more to the point your wrist hurts, but all you can think about is the man squeezing you and begging you to touch him and make him come. You feel his abs clenching against your hand, the other one now raising up to brush against his sensitive nipples.

«Baby, please»

«What?» you whine, as if you were the one receiving pleasure. Taehyung bits his lips as you speed up even more.

«Fuck- I want to feel your mouth around me» he squirms as he begs. Your hand leaves his girth and he seems to breathe again after an endless apnea.

«On the couch» you whisper, nibbling his earlobe as he manages to finally open his eyes. Your fingers intertwine with his and guide him to the sofa until you both stand in front of it. You lightly push him to get him to sit but Taehyung shakes his head as he brings you with him on the cushions,  wrapping his arms around your waist and digging his fingers in your flesh.

«I still want to eat you out» he smirks as his fingers hook once again under your panties, this time sliding them down and making you gasp. You only understand what he wants when his hands trail up under your hoodie and squeeze your breasts.

«Tae» you whine, already getting up, before you change your position and sit on his face you make sure to remove his shirt, tracing at the golden skin with your fingers. You only tried this once and it made your head spin.

«Fuck, I love your pussy» he groans at the sight as you put yourself comfortable on him. He’s still painfully hard for you, the tip of his cock the same red color of his mouth, swollen and begging to be touched. Taehyung spreads you open with his thumbs, he doesn’t even wait a second to bury his face in you, tongue already swirling around your clit and making you bite your lips hard enough to bleed a little. He’s eating you so good that for a moment you think about waiting to do the same for him, but the thought goes away quickly when you moan out loud and in response his cock twitches under you, another set of precum coming out of his slit.

«Shit, Taehyung, you really missed me» you chuckle between the pleasure he’s giving you, finally lowering to take him in your mouth. Taehyung moans against your entrance, the vibrations immediately causing you to do the same around him, and he lets out another moan. It’s like a circle without an end, and the pleasure builds in both of your bodies so much that it’s making you go out of your minds. The head of his cock hits the back of your throat and you gulp around him knowing this is exactly what it takes for him to loose his shit. And you’re right, Taehyung is already hissing under his breath, bringing his hands under your hips just to wrap them behind your back to make you get even closer to his face. He spits on you, as if you weren’t enough wet for him already, enthralled the way your wetness drips down from your count to your thighs.

«Fuck, do that again» he begs, his tongue  now making his way in your entrance as he sucks your arousal. You fist the air, desperately trying not to moan as you do the same around his girth. The knot in Taehyung’s stomach is about to burst, his balls are tight and he doesn’t remember how to breathe anymore, but he’s determined to make you come with him. So his lips never leave your count, not even when you gulp one more time and one of his hands leave your skin just to fist your hair, bringing you lower and himself even deeper in your throat. You gag around him, his breath fans you as he keeps fucking you with his tongue, alternating your entrance with your clit until you’re squirming for him. Your hands cup his balls one more time and the moment you do it his cock explodes in your mouth, hot white cum filling your mouth as you continue to move around him, his tongue never leaving your clit until you shake on him and come undone as he keeps coming. The pleasure is too much to handle with you both moving against each other to ride your orgasms, you try to swallow as much of his cum as you can, realizing only now he’s really coming like there’s no tomorrow, emptying himself in your mouth. Your legs shake and your second orgasm hits you even harder then your first one with the sight of his abs contracting under you.

«Fuck, fuck, fuck» you hiss as his cum finally seems to stop coming out, a little bit of it slips out of your lips but you don’t care, too much overwhelmed by the lips of your boyfriend still on you.

«Taehyung, god» you whine, the overstimulation makes your hips stutter against his face and he groans against you as he sucks desperately at your clit, his fingers coming again to fill you.

«This is-» you cut yourself off when he slaps at your pussy, making you clench around nothing for another time.

«Fuck, do you think you can come for me once more?» his voice is low and husky, and it adds a new wave of arousal to your throbbing count as he shoves his fingers into you, using his tongue to feverishly assault your clit. The pleasure is already building up in your stomach, so much that you feel already on the edge.

«I love when you cum because of me. Fuck, do I really get to spend the rest of my life with you?»

His words are the last drop that breaks the dam, you come again. Your hands fly behind you just to reach his hair, fisting his roots and tugging at them as he moans against you, the aftershocks of your third climax making you shake on his face as he places wet loving kisses on your thighs and tells you how much he loves you. Your body falls limp on the couch beside him, eyes shut as he sits up and shifts his position to be face to face with you.

Taehyung’s heart doesn’t even know how to think of a world without you, it’d be the death of him. And the realization affects him every time like it’s the first, wether you just came from a mind-blowing orgasm or your tidying up and scolding him for being so messy.

It’s crazy, how the world seems to begin and and end, make sense only when he locks eyes with you, it’s frightening.

«Noona» he scoots closer to you, wrapping you in his hold as you place your head on his chest and your body again on his. You ignore the way his cock is still half hard, poking at your hips.

«Mh?»

Taehyung smiles, kissing at your hair and feeling his heart about to burst, and you don’t even care if he’s coated with your juices from his nose to his chin.

«Can we try to make another baby?»

And again, your world seems to stop, you don’t even know how to feel anymore with this man.

«What?» your face lifts from his chest to peek at him.

«I want another baby» he whispers staring into your eyes. Your lungs stop working as you take in his words. Taehyung wants another baby. He wants another baby.

«Are you being serious?» his hands wrap even tighter around you, moving you on his body until your face is at the same height as his.

«Of course I am» he whispers, his hands now coming to your cheeks to cup them.

«You want another baby?» at this point the hamster in your brain has stopped working too. Taehyung giggles at your stuttered face and nods, eyes never leaving yours.

«Yes, I want another baby. How many times do we have to say it?» he shakes his head, his thumbs caress your skin as his giggles shade in a more thoughtful and brooding expression. His pads move to your lips, collecting the few drops of his cum that you weren’t able to swallow drying on your skin.

«Do you want it?» he asks, already regretting the choice he made when he opened his mouth.

«I don’t want to rush you, I- I can wait as much as you need, I just wanted you to know.» he explains.

It’s like in an hour your life totally changed even though nothing is really new. You and Taehyung already acted like a married couple, having a baby and being distant from each other makes it all even more harder and solemn. You’ve been together for four years now and your baby is already almost one. It’s like you were already official, but hearing him speak like this makes it all more real.

«And with your job?» this is the first question you mange to let out. Taehyung feels his heart sink downer in his chest as the first thing he reads in your expression his concern.

«We’re going to find a way to make it work, we’re doing it now. We’re good at this» he whispers, his fingers brush down your neck.

«I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about it» you admit «I want another baby too, I’m just worried. It’s already hard when she starts crying in the middle of the night and my touch does nothing to calm her down. What’s going to happen with another one? How am I going to handle-»

«I’m sorry. You’re right.» Teahyung cuts you off. Pouted lips and slightly furrowed eyebrows, eyes glassy as he takes a deep breath.

«I just thought-»

«I want another baby, Tae.» you affirm, deeply looking in his eyes. Damn, you’d really love to have another baby.

«We just have to find a better way to face it, because I can’t handle two on my own»

His heart is swollen with the way you’re speaking to him, soft tone and bittersweet smile that he wishes to erase from your face with a kiss.

«You could come with me?» he whispers, eyes full of hope.

«The tour is ending in a month, and you’re not working anyway. We’ll come back home to work on the next album and it will take us a few months-» he stops talking to swallow harshly as he caresses your cheek with his thumb «you- you two can come with me, we can stay all together in the same room while we’re on tour, it’s always so bleak when I come back after a concert and you’re not there»

He’s rumbling as if he thought about it at around one hundred times and it makes you fall in love with him even deeper, the glint in his eyes as he speaks is screaming nothing but fondness.

«We could do the same thing when the baby will arrive. I mean- this is my job and it’s always going to be like this. If you want I can-»

«Tea, stop» you whisper. He suddenly shuts, realizing how much his throat feels dry as he stares at you.

«Do you still want to fuck me?»

Your words leave him totally stuttered, dumbfounded as he furrows his brows and licks his lips.

«What- Why?»

«Do you?» you don’t answer him, but neither did he, even though you already know it. His cock is still half hard, aroused by the way you came on his face for the third time and poking at your lower belly.

His eyes trail back and forth from yours to your lips, wondering what the hell is going on in your mind.

«Weren’t we talking about- Oh»

His mouth falls open and his eyes wide as he stares at you with his chest so swollen by the size of his heart right now that he feels that it could burst out in a moment. The smile growing on your lips leads him to think that maybe he understood what is going on, but he doesn’t want to built his hopes up.

«So?» he swallows hard.

«Yes» he breathes against your face, the answer came as low as a whisper, as if it a secret for just the two of you.

«Then do it bareback»

It takes him a few moments to realize what you had just told him is the same he wanted to hear, almost as if he doesn’t want to believe it because once he does, if you’re joking or he’s just imagining things, he’s going to fall miserably hard to the ground and standing back up will be more than difficult. But he knows you’re not kidding, you would never joke about something like this, and he knows he’s not seeing things when you caress his chest, he’d recognize the truthfulness of your body even in his deeper dreams.

«Are- are you sure?» he doesn’t even care about the way his tone his crackling in the middle of the sentence, dripping with hope and fondness for you. He doesn’t care, he knows he already lost all his boundaries with you, you know him like no one else does.

«I’ve never been more sure than anything else in my entire life» your words are some of the most beautiful he ever heard in his entire life, caressing his mind and his soul and shooting at them so hard that they almost make him feel dazed.

«Oh god, I love you so much» he bursts out in a whisper, the love he feels in this moment is so deep and it’s taking over him so much that all he wants and seems able to do is let it out, no matter in what form. Kisses, promises, sweet nothings, caresses, it doesn’t matter. All his actions are pure love, from the way he looks at you before he finally removes your hoodie to the way he’s already bringing you fully on top of him. His hands trail sweet touches until they reach your breasts, and a second later you’re already tilting your head back, hissing through your breath at the way his fingertips seem to know your body oh so perfectly. Taehyung smirks at the sight, you’re going to be his wife, and the mother of his second baby, he’s going to be a dad again. It doesn’t matter if it will take time to finally swollen your belly again, because he knows it will happen now.

His hand wraps around his girth as he strokes himself a few times, his boner is still growing but the sight of you with your back arched on top of him and your head tilted back for the way he’s touching your breasts, all exposed just for him to see and worship it’s certainly helping him.

«Fuck, I’m sorry it’s taking me a little bit» he whines under you. Taehyung’s cock sometimes does it, being this big it takes him slightly more than the usual male population to get fully hard.

«Don’t worry» you pant over him, his fingers are making you so wet that it’s taking you all of your effort to not rub against him.

«Tell me what you need»

«Fuck, Y/N talk to me»

Shifting your gaze from the ceiling to look at him, you find yourself spiraling in a whirl of panoramas that brings you to the edge of horniness, from the way his jaw is hanging low and his lips are parted, looking at you, to the way he nibs at the swollen flesh of the lower one, to again the way his golden skin shines under the light of the sun coming from the window and makes the sweat on his body even more visible. Taehyung is a work of art, and all you want to do is overpaint him with the transparent painting of your fingertips over him.

«I love you» your hands reaches his pectorals, brushing on his skin until you met his nipples. Taehyung’s hips instantly stutter against you when you lightly tug them between your fingers, he lets his eyes close and you lower more to press your chest against his, wanting to feel more close than ever and already missing his lips. He doesn’t seem to mind, since the very first moment you’re against him he brings his hands behind your neck and tightens the distance between you. He moans in the kiss, still feeling like he’s in a dream with you in his arms, next to be his wife and the mother of his child again. One of his hands trail down your body passing your waist and hips until it reaches between you two and hides through your folds, making you pant and break the kiss just to take a shaky breath. Taehyung opens his eyes to see your expression as you let your forehead rest against his, your lips open in a muted moan as he swirls his medium around your clit and makes your head spin. His cock twitches at the sight, and he feels harder with every second more.

«Please, god- Teahyung- nggh» your low moans are what he needs to fully stand up under you, poking at your hips and making you let out a sigh of relief.

«Please» you hiss.

He doesn’t want you to wait anymore.

The moment he leaves your clit to wrap his hand around his girth you whine at the loss but open your eyes to see him looking down at where his body is about to meet yours, wet pink tongue sliding across his swollen red lip as your forehead are still against each other.

The head of his cock enters your cunt and it’s like the first time. You’re not used to him anymore, not after all of this weeks away from him, your fingers or your vibrator are not even close to the feeling he gives life to in your chest. You’re already clenching around him and Taehyung lets out a strangled moan in response, his girth is so wide he needs to stop to see if you’re okay.

When you nod at him, he lets himself slowly make his way through your walls once again, always making sure to check at your expression.

«Fuck, how are you so tight?»

A little push of your hips is all he gets as an answer, sliding down on him more and making him clench his jaw at the feeling of you around him, squeezing him so fucking tight it’s making him loose his mind. The way his warm hard cock is filling you, pulsating inside you as he tries to control his actions his enough to decide you don’t want to wait anymore. You missed him too much, and all you want to do is make love to him and feel him inside of you. Taehyung finds it hard to soffocate a moan when you surprise him by fully sliding down on him, letting him fill you until your hilt, the stretch makes you whimper and you close your eyes to get used to the feeling as he peeks at you.

«Is this okay?» he whispers, cock buried inside of you and his hands coming at the back of your neck to make you raise your lids and get closer to him, as if him in you wasn’t already enough. In fact, it still isn’t. Taehyung would literally like to become an only person with you if it was possible. He’d melt you in his soul like you already are, and have you inside him for the rest of his life.

«God, I had forgotten how big you are» you scoff.

Taehyung smiles.

«You literally gave me the best blowjob of my life ten minute ago» he laughs, the sound sends shiver through your back.

«You know it’s different»

He licks his lips, his fingers place a strand of your hair behind your ears.

«Do you want me to move?» he whispers pecking the tip of your nose. The action makes your heart beat faster and you nod, Taehyung’s lips brush against yours as you both shift your position, your back now on the cushions as he makes himself comfortable over you. His hips raise from yours until the head of his cock is the only part of him left in you, and with his eyes resting on your face he deeps himself into you again, starting a slow and maddening pace that would send anyone out of his mind. Your heart beats so loud that you can hear it in your ears, he fills you everywhere. Your hear, your soul, your mouth, Taehyung is everywhere and your eyes fill with tears as the pleasure grows deeper and deeper, you realize how very much you missed him. The morning wasn’t bright without him, the dark sky of the night wasn’t shining anymore with its stars. It just didn’t feel right, nothing felt right without him.

«You’re gonna have my baby» his voice is labored as he keeps shoving into you, filling up every single part of your cunt. You feel the veins at the underside of his cock, you feel him throb inside of you and seeing him close his eyes and let out a muted moan only adds more pleasure to yours.

«Faster, please faster Tae» you hiss. Taehyung couldn’t tell you let you down even if he tried, he shove himself harder into you, speeding up his pace and making you whimper from underneath him. His dark locks are beginning to cover his eyes and there’s starting to create a layer of sweat on his forehead and neck, he missed you so much that being inside of you and feeling your walls squeezing him so tight seems surreal. He can’t help but look at you, his eyes scan all over your face as he hits a particular spot that makes you arch your back, his teeth digging holes in his lower lip as he realizes once again he gets to spend the rest of his life with you, he is the one who gets to love you, the one who gets to make you feel loved. Your muffled moans increase frequency with every time he thrusts into you.

«That’s it, right? Fuck, noona, you’re squeezing me so tight»

«You’re so good» you whimper, one of his hand reaches between you two to rub at your clit, the moan you can’t hold back in response sends him over the edge of control and he clasps his hands around your calves before bringing your legs up on his shoulders. The new position gets him to bury himself even more into you, bringing a deeper feeling of feverish horniness and pleasure in your body. Taehyung’s eyes lower from your face to where you connect, the way his cock almost leaves your cunt every time and shoves back into you makes him clench his jaw as thight as your walls around him.

«Fuck, my god- Tae»

«You like it when I fuck you like this? You like feeling my cock bareback inside of you?» he groans. His dirty words make your head spin, his pressure increases on your clit as he seems to bury himself even deeper.

«I’m going to cum inside of you and swell you with my baby, you’re going to look so fucking good»

«Please» you beg. Your pleads set a new fire in his chest as his other hand leaves your leg to rub at your nipple. When you arch your back Taehyung is sure he has never seen someone as hot as you in his entire life. His breath gets stuck in his throat and when your fist wraps around his wrist he looses it again. He watches you bring his fingers to your mouth, sucking at the pads and making him hiss under his breath. When you open your mouth again and he shoves them into you, it doesn’t take you too much to realize what he wants. You hollow your cheeks around him.

«Oh- Fuck, you’re so fucking- god, noona» and if it’s possible, he’s thrusting into you even faster at the sight, building up both of your pleasure and making you clench around him more often than before, every time he lets his head fall back, holding back a moan as his lips part. The view is too much, he looks so wrecked it makes you fell dizzy as you realize you make him feel the same way.

«I’m going to- Tae-» you don’t even know how to speak anymore, he’s fucking you so good you’re shuddering and the knot in your stomach is about to burst for the fourth time as he brings his gaze back into yours.

«Fuck, you’re taking me so good» he groans. You’re squeezing him so tight, Taehyung feels so fucking overwhelmed by the feeling that he lowers over you to kiss at your lips, making you whine and squirm under him even more as your legs stay on his shoulder and the position makes it all even deeper.

«Are you going to come for me? Squeeze my cock in your pretty cunt, noona?» he fans across your face. Those words do the trick, making you writhe as your walls clench so tight that for a moment he’s not able to move anymore. He watches as your body shakes, grabbing your chin in his hand and opening your mouth for him as your eyes try hard to stay open and lock with his, you know how much he loves to see you like this.

«Swallow for me» he hums, low and raspy uneven voice as he keeps fucking into you. He splits in your mouth as you keep clenching around him riding your high, the action makes your legs feel even more jelly than they already are as you close your mouth to do what he ordered. Your legs shake from the overstimulation and Taehyung murmurs a low fuck to his stamina as he understands he has to finish on his own, or at least not inside of you. The thought makes him wince, but he really doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. He comes out of you, his hand already fisting his cock as he looks at how fucked out you look, his eyebrows slightly furrowed by the pleasure and locking eyes with you.

«Please» you whine as his hand hits your legs still on his shoulder.

«Come inside me» your words are all he needs to hear, he speeds up his movements and hisses under his breath, sweat covering his body and glimmering over his golden skin.

«Please, I don’t care, just come back in» you whine. Taehyung’s eyes lock with yours searching for a hint of refuse, but all he finds is the love you feel for him.

«We haven’t had sex for too long, I want you to come inside of me. Please»

And he’s lowering your legs from his shoulders and burying his cock in you once again, making you shudder with over sensitivity as he hits your g-spot again and again and again. Your walls are squeezing him even more than before and he hides his face in the crook of your neck to avoid to moan out loud, your hands come to his locks, massaging his scalp and slightly tugging at the dark roots as the uncomfortableness in your body starts to transform in pleasure once again. It’s so fucking strange how this man fucks into you endlessly and makes you want to come every time again just after a mind blowing orgasm, maybe it’s the way you love him that makes you feel like this, but you really can’t help it.

You tug at his hair one more time as you moan, Taehyung smiles on your skin when he fully realizes that you don’t feel uncomfortable with him inside of you anymore, feeling a little bit more light hearted. He nibs at the column of your neck as you clench around him and he brings his long fingers to your clit another time.

«Fuck, this is going to be your fifth orgasm and I’m not even tired of making you come» he hisses, rubbing harshly at your clit. His shoulder moves desperately on top of you as he keeps moving his fingers, the muscles twitch and make your mouth water. Taehyung is going to be the end of you. He feels himself closer and closer, his balls tightened and his breath hitching so much it makes it even harder to breathe as the pleasure overwhelms him. Your fingers tug more at his strands making him wince for the pain added to the pleasure rushing through his body, his head hovers over yours as you fit your eyes to his. When your gaze shifts from his dark irises to his red swollen lips and you choose to bit the lower one, Taehyung explodes. Hot splatters of cum feel your cunt, his cock twitches inside you and the feeling and the look in his face as he rides his high send you into yours once again.

«You’re gonna have our baby» he whispers as his thrusts become more soft,  wincing at the way you still clench around him. The words are so low that you’re not even sure of how you heard them, but they strike through your mind and center your heart, making you hold onto him in a breathtaking squeeze as he stops moving.

«I love you so much» you breathe, hiding your face in his neck, Taehyung smiles as he fills his heart burning with love. So much. He’s totally whipped for you, there’s no point to deny it, even a blind could see it.

«I love you too,» he pecks your shoulder as he tries to imagine of a world without your presence or your baby, suddenly feeling empty and brood «so, so much»

And you stay like this, in silent and holding onto each other, with his cock into you and your hands caressing at each other oh so softly, whispering sweet nothing into each other years. When you feel both of your juices slipping out of you Taehyung suddenly comes out, his hand reaching out to hold his cum into you.

«This is going to stay in here for a little» he murmurs, hand never leaving your entrance. Your cheeks burn for the action but he simply giggles and places a soft kiss on your nose.

«Keep it safe» he whispers, his other hand grasping at your wrist to bring it to your cunt. He rushes to your bedroom after he wears his boxers, making both sure that your baby isn’t awake and taking a new pair of panties for you.

«Here» he sits back on the couch and helps you put the cloth on, making sure that his cum doesn’t slip out of you during the process and setting your cheeks on fire.

«You make me so happy, noona. I want to make you as happy as you make me feel. Both you and that little scamp in our bedroom, and our new baby, if we’re going to have one. I promise you I’m going to be the best part of me for you» his voice soothes you and lulls you into a heavy sleep, tired from the best morning sex you’ve ever had.

«It sounds like a wedding vow» you scoff at him, but inside of you your heart is throbbing with fondness. Taehyung pouts at your giggle but he can’t hide his smile anymore when you reach out and pinch his hip.

«Did you just spoiled me your vow?» you scuff again. He shakes his head.

«Why are you like this? You could’ve just said you love me and made me smile but you choose to make fun of me. You’re rude, jagi» your hand wraps around his arm and you tug him on you with a beaming smile as he lets out a surprised yelp.

«You’re smiling anyway» you tip at his lips, caressing his dots. Taehyung pouts once again under your touch.

«Why am I still waiting for you to say something sweet?» he scoffs, shaking his head as he watches you smile big and bright.

«Because you’re an helpless romantic,» you whisper «you want me to tell you how much I love you? Fine.» your hands run though his hair, he gives in your touch, fully laying over your body with his head resting on your naked chest. Taking in a deep breath, you try to think of how to explain your love for him, but it really is hard. You find your self sighing as your mind keeps thinking, and when you take in another breath like it’s the only thing that keeps you from giving up, you find yourself smiling at him.

«I love you as much as I need air to live» you whisper. And it’s oh, so true.

[ilovevillains]

Living in a high with Sanzu 💊

WARNING: THE MUSIC VIDEOS MIGHT HAVE FLASH LIGHTS EFFECTS.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF SEX, MENTIONS OF DRUGS, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS, SPOILER ALERTS IN THE PRELUDE AND OUTRO (THERE MIGHT BE)

Album: Tokyo Revengers Playlist

PRELUDE:

Today is the turn of the mad loyal dog: Sanzu Haruchiyo! I had so much fun doing this playlist since I only saw myself jamming to these songs with Sanzu singing and messing around 😂 man, I adore this man like, GEEZ! I swear he most be the most funniest person to have around, but he can be too the most dangerous one. Here is the playlist for the one and only (and the MORE LOYAL MAN on Earth): Sanzu Haruchiyo.

💊 The Announcement, G-Eazy

Sex, drug, rock and roll Sex, drug, rock and roll I fell in love, she’s the one for me When you’re strange People look at you in different ways Creatures of the night come out to rage I’ve been up for days, been in a daze, I’m amaze

💊 John Wayne, Lady GaGa

Blue collar and a red-state treasure Love junkie on a three-day bender His grip, so hard, eyes glare Trouble like a mug shot

💊 Toxic, Britney Spears

Too high, can't come down Losing my head, spinnin' 'round and 'round Do you feel me now? With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride You're toxic, I'm slippin' under With a taste of a poison paradise I'm addicted to you Don't you know that you're toxic? And I love what you do Don't you know that you're toxic?

💊 Leviathan, G-Eazy

Drugs on the table on a Wednesday Long nights and Advil for the next day You'd be scared if you listen what you're friends say

💊 Grind Me Down (Jawster Remix), Liliana Wilde

I'll take you to the moon and back Back seat of my Cadillac Start out slow then play it faster I'll fly you out to paradise Take a hit and close your eyes I know what you fantasize about

💊 Feels Wrong, MAX

6 miles high up in the air space She's saying come on to the back baby Everybody knows just what's happening But she don't give a shit, no She just want this ooo

💊 High Enough, K. Flay

'Cause I'm already high enough You got me, you got me good I'm already high enough I only, I only, I only got eyes for you

💊 Freak, Sub Urban

Tinkering with my design, twist and turn my feral mind Play with me 'til you've found another toy Let me be your freak show, I could be your favorite monster Rattle my whole cage, remind me why I can't be fostered Let me be your freak show, I could be your favorite monster Lock me up, don't let me out 'cause you know I can't help myself

💊 Go F**k Yourself, Two Feet

Fucked and drank all night Acted all alright Had no need to fight Tonight, tonight

💊 A Pill to Crush, Evalyn

I took everything they gave me I'm still begging for more Call the exorcist, the hypnotist They can't find a cure

OUTRO

Sanzu always intrigued me since the moment he appeared in the manga and anime. He had a beautiful character designed and that attracted me to it, but then Wakui was like "Well, I can make him be madly loyal to someone he really cares about" and that's when I was like: YES, MY LOYAL KING, I LOVE YOU (loyalty is something I really love, adore and appreciated, plus I considered it an elegant value).

Once we get to know him and made certain someone pay for the betrayal I was like "Damn, you can't play around Sanzu" 😭

I think that's the only thing I can say about him, because he’s still a mystery for me but I can assure you that I adore him and that I had a lot of fun doing his playlist. I hope you enjoyed it, see you next week with the Haitani brothers. Take care!

-Villain Lover🖤

[witcherslittledove]

I Miss You

Joey Batey/Henry Cavill RPF - Also on AO3

Rated: T

Summary: Henry is busy filming in America and Joey really misses his boyfriend.

CW: Alcohol, hangovers

_________

The sunlight was streaming through the window, shining directly onto Joey’s pillow. The brightness pulled him, quite unwillingly from his sleep, and he groaned, rubbing his eyes and scrambling to find his phone in his bedsheets. His head was fucking killing him and his mouth tasted like sandpaper. The way the room spun a little as he looked around suggested he was probably still drunk. Madeleine was snoring next to him, bundled up in a heavy hand knitted jumper, her make-up running down her face in black smudges. He couldn’t remember falling asleep but it wouldn’t have been the first time they’d cuddled up together after too many bottles of wine. It had gotten worse since Henry had flown out to America to finish up some work for Justice League. They’d spent almost two week together at Henry’s house after they were done with the publicity for the Witcher, completely inseparable, enjoying the opportunity to relax in each other’s company. The relationship was still new, and Joey knew they were still in the honeymoon period.

 But he really fucking missed his boyfriend.

 His boyfriend.

 Fuck, that still made him giddy, although perhaps that was still the wine.

 He hurriedly unlocked his phone, swiping through the notifications on his twitter without looking at them. Joey paused briefly to check a message from the recording studio, but decided he’d respond later. It was probably still early enough that Henry might still be awake, if he was lucky.

 There weren’t any new messages from his boyfriend and he pouted at his phone, running a hand through his hair before falling back onto the pillow. Madeleine grumbled but didn’t stir, snuggling back into the sheets and mumbling as she fell back asleep. With a sigh, Joey stared at his phone, typing out a message and then deleting it.

     I miss you.  

     I want you here with me.  

     I love you.  

 It all felt stupid. Needy and pathetic. They hadn’t said ‘I love you’ yet but Joey couldn’t deny how he felt. Falling in love too quickly was an unfortunate trait that he shared with Jaskier, but he’d always lacked the confidence to follow through. Honestly, if he didn’t need to perform both as a musician and as an actor, then he’d probably just hide away from the world, but performing called to him. He was addicted, couldn’t give it up, and oh he’d tried. He’d even tried to study something else at University, but he just couldn’t resist joining the Amateur Dramatics Society.

 Well, it had all worked out in the end.

 Sort of.

 The proposals online could be a bit much, but Henry was helping him handle the sort of being famous thing, and he was getting better. He just needed to be okay when Henry wasn’t there to hold his hand as well. Jesus Christ, he was fucking pathetic.

 His phone pinged in Joey’s hands, the vibrations startling him out of his thoughts. “Oh cock!” he cursed as he nearly dropped the damn thing, but he soon managed to unlock it and there it was; a message from Henry.

     ‘Good morning gorgeous, I miss you x’  

 Joey’s head was throbbing and his stomach was feeling a little squiffy but fuck, he wanted to cry. Henry was just the most amazing man he’d ever met. He was kind, generous, a huge nerd and ridiculously hot. Most importantly, Henry had possibly the fluffiest dog that Joey had ever seen, and Joey was just soft for fluffy dogs. Animals were easier than people.

 Madeleine and Henry seemed to be the exception to this. When Joey had clicked so quickly with Madeleine he’d thought it was a miracle, one that would never be repeated, but then he had met Henry. They’d had such a great time on set, laughing in between takes and struggling to stay in character. The normal anxiety had just never occurred, and then on the last day Henry had stammered and stumbled over his words, asking Joey out on a date.

 He’d been convinced it was some cruel joke but it turned out that Henry was really just a big softy, and Joey was completely head over heels. Madeleine thought it was adorable and teased him endlessly, which would have been fine if he wasn’t so bloody needy.

 His fingers hovered over the keyboard, thinking about how he could possibly express what he wanted to say over text. “Fuck,” he grumbled and hit the call button.

 Joey hopped out of the bed, swiping his dressing gown from the floor and shuffled out into the lounge before he woke Madeleine.

 “Joey,” Henry said in a low voice, a soft gruff growl in Joey’s ear. Immediately, he felt the tension leave his shoulders and he sunk into the warm embrace of his boyfriend’s voice.

 “I love you,” he breathed, not thinking about it until there was a deafening silence on the other end of the line. “Oh shit, fucking, cock balls! I am so sorry. I didn’t.. I shouldn’t, cock!”

 When Henry spoke again his voice was barely above a whisper. “You love me?”

 “Ah, umm… yes? Rather hopelessly,” he admitted. “Sorry?”

 “No,” Henry choked out, half laughing which really wasn’t helping Joey’s anxiety. “no. You don’t have to apologise. I love you too, Joey. I’ve been beating myself up over it.”

 “What?” Joey whined, suddenly wishing he could just go back to sleep off his hangover. He did not have enough brain power for this conversation.

 “I thought,” Henry paused and Joey heard a long heavy sigh. “I thought it was too soon.”

 Relief washed over him and, despite feeling a little like death warmed up, he joined in the laughter. Soon both of them were giggling like bloody teenagers. Henry loved him. Henry fucking Cavill, heart throb of the world, Superman, Geralt of bloody Rivia, loved him. Joey Batey, a nobody.

 It seemed ridiculous, completely ludicrous, but this was his life now. He had a dream role in a successful television show, he had fans, his second album was due out soon and his first album had had a second wind with the release of the witcher. On top of that, he still had his very best friend, and a brand new boyfriend. He couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was bound to break soon, but he was getting better at ignoring that little voice.

 “I love you,” he repeated, hugging one of the couch cushions. It wasn’t Henry but it was as close as he could get right now. Fuck, he really wanted to just curl up into his boyfriend’s side, maybe kiss him silly.

 He’d never hated Superman more.

 “I know Geralt really hates portals, but I really wish we had one,” Henry sighed.

 Joey scoffed, rubbing his eyes. Now that he was in the darkness of the lounge, he was starting to feel tired again, and he really needed to sleep off the rest of his hangover. “You’re such a nerd,” he teased.

 “Says the man who writes his own Dungeons and Dragons campaigns.”

 Joey gasped “Hey now, you love my D&D campaigns.”

 “I love you more.”

 Joey grinned, snuggling further into his pillow, wondering whether he was in fact dreaming the whole thing. “I love you too, darling.”

 Henry chuckled. “Go back to sleep Joey, love. I’ll talk to you when I wake up?”

 “You have work,” he whined.

 “I can make time for you,” Henry reassured him. “Sleep now, love.”

 Joey yawned in spite of himself, he wanted to stay awake, but Henry was right, he was fucking exhausted. He hadn’t even checked the time but he never slept late after a night drinking. “Fine,” he grumbled. “But I love you.”

 His boyfriend laughed. “We’ll be together again soon, only another couple of weeks.”

 “I just want a hug,” Joey slurred. “Can’t sleep properly on my own anymore.”        

 “I’ll never let you go.”

 Joey hummed, letting Henry’s voice wash over him, lulling him back to sleep right there in the arm chair. “Sounds good.”

 He was asleep before he could hang up, just holding his phone close to his chest.

[prettyindielads]

"Everyone only writes about Peter ..."

[Carl Interview from september 2004, translated from german]

Carl Barât is beautiful. And so self-confident that he deliberately intensifies his mumbling for an interview ... and at the end asks charmingly, if it was bad. This is what the libertines are like: the outside world belongs to them. Inwardly, they are sensitive and vulnerable; just stumble over the simplest questions.

Carl Barât stands in front of me relaxed and damn good looking. Is that supposed to be the same one, who stared at you so pale with his distraught look from the album cover? The one who looked clearly youthful on the last tour? Now it is hard to believe that this man who comes up the stairs to the interview room with his shoes clattering loudly is only 26 years old.

He sits in front of me completely relaxed and mumbles "It's really hot here". And that where the libertines have just come from a festival in sunny Italy. Without Peter Doherty. Last year it still seemed inconceivable that the Libertines would finally break up their front man duo and go on a full tour without the problem child. In the meantime you look at their second album in disbelief and wonder, why the band even managed to record a second album.

This may be mainly due to their new manager Alan McGee: The man, who tamed the Oasis brothers, "chose us. He saw our problem and wanted to change something. He saw that we needed help ... and he could help us a lot." But how do you help a band like the Libertines, which Carl himself calls "difficult to manage"? Certainly not by slipping into the role of a contract dealer as a manager.

Much more important was McGee's human instinct: "He persuaded Peter to go to rehab. As a manager, he protected him from certain things." It was McGee who kept this complicated band structure together even in difficult times. "He's great", Carl summarizes his assessment of Alan McGee. And while he is saying that, he stops mumbling so outrageously for a brief moment. It seems important to him that he is understood here.

The effects of McGee's involvement may be good for Peter. But Carl obviously takes this topic with him. What he misses most about Peter while touring Europe without him, he has to think about for a while. Hasn't he been asked this question a thousand times? Is it so important to him that he has to look for the right words first? "A sense of unity ... our success ... when we work together you can feel that we are achieving, what we want to achieve"

But the songwriting is not always so cozy: I would like to know whether there is cooperation or rivalry between the two when writing. Again Carl has to think twice to come up with a monosyllabic answer: "Both a little."

The friction between Doherty and Barât is constant. While the songs of the Libertines on "Up The Bracket" still had a clear framework that held them together, this now seems to be falling apart like the bond between the two front men. The dispute between Carl and Peter is reflected on every corner. But was this step towards being less catchy really a conscious one? "No, you don't do that on purpose. It's just different. It was a bit more sincere than the first time. Because we knew that we had people's attention", explains Barât the self-image when working on the second album.

But could the irritable, violent mood that prevailed between the heads of the Libertines during the recordings for the second work have released positive energies? "Violence?" Asks Carl in disbelief. I try again, if the trouble in the band also unleashes positive energy. "Having troubles? I don't think so! But, well ... I don't know if I really understand the question." I'll make it clearer: if you argue in the studio, for example, doesn't that help you? "But I wouldn't say that that's positive. Maybe it has something to do with passion. I don't know."

Often in the last few weeks it has been written that the album should tell the libertines' view of their own story of friendship, setbacks, and forgiveness. It is intended as a reply to the countless articles in the tabloid press. But Carl Barât doesn't want to know anything about that this afternoon in Berlin: "No, I don't want to oppose anything to the boulevard. I don't want to have anything to do with this world." These are just stories about life and music. "We just want people to listen to us." Which is difficult, because "everyone only writes about Peter. Unfortunately, that also overshadows the album." Carl finds it "hard to do interviews. You reveal so much personal information. And when you are unlucky people write really terrible things about you, especially the tabloids."

Contrary to Carl's attitude, Peter literally runs to the gossip papers and tells them his hot stories of addiction, disappointment and hope. You'd think Carl would be incredibly pissed off at this behavior: "No, not really ... as long as he's telling the truth! Which is not always the case ... And then I get very angry."

Nor is he really surprised by rumors that Peter is posting libertines demos on his Babyshambles site. When asked about this project by Peter Dohertys, he first sighs for a long time. "I don't really want to talk about that." No problem. This often seems to be the keyword for Carl. As soon as you tell him: It's OK, you don't have to talk about it, then he decides to do it: "Oh, I don't know," he says, and sounds like a worried mother, "I'm never really surprised about something like that. Just disappointed. "

Carl has no contact with Peter at the moment anyway. He must first "stop using crack and heroin" before he can return to the band. Is it likely that it will stop? "At the moment I don't believe in it," Carl mumbled quickly and incomprehensibly. Despite all this, he continues to think that the Libertines are a very romantic band, dreams of his fairy tales of Albion and Arcadia. And about the fact that everything will be fine again: "The band will definitely go on". The question is not whether, but how things will go on with the libertines.

Even the hype surrounding the band didn't leave any significant marks on Carl: He only noticed something in interviews anyway. "But no, that has nothing to do with my world." Much more important than the gossip magazines are the fans, with whom the Libertines have developed a very special relationship, especially in England. In their homeland they often play "intimate gigs" that are announced on their homepage shortly beforehand. With his "Babyshambles", Peter Doherty has already gone so far as to organize concerts with fans or even at home.

But what is the intention behind these concerts? They have enough fans anyway: After all, their second album in England hit number one in the charts from scratch. "I like to play the guitar, make music and be in bands. And I like those big buses, stopping somewhere, driving off again, and all the other stuff, I don't like. But that's probably how it is when you play, on the road. If you want to make music, you need an audience that wants to hear you. "

Manager McGee not only attested that the Libertines had an intimate relationship with their fans, he even called them the "most culturally significant band, perhaps since punk emerged". "He's our manager, he says a lot of things like that." You don't want to believe it, can't the convinced Carl understand such a statement? "But I think so. It's about passion. You have to show people that they should go their own way. You have to show them a way."

To encourage young bands to go their own way, Carl also has his own club project in London. "I do this to have a nice evening. And there are people who want to go on stage. There are some brilliant bands that I want to give an audience to."

The moment I signal to Carl that I don't really have any more questions, he suddenly comes to life. His mumbling settles on a bearable level, he offers me a butt and starts chatting away. That he is looking forward to the concert tonight because he remembers the German audience as so "passionate".

And that the Coke Light Lemon he is drinking is really disgusting: "it has never seen a lemon in it‘s life." Suddenly he's relaxed, joking about how gross Coke Vanilla is, too. Then he would like to know something about monuments near the Berlin Victory Column. Whether it had something to do with the Second World War. Apropos: is the libertines song "Arbeit Macht Frei" a provocation? "It has nothing to do with Germany or the Germans. The song is about something that has historically been synonymous with hypocrisy and hypocrisy." All right.

Carl explains to me, that the builder of the Oberbaum Bridge killed himself because the bridge was not high enough ... and finds this an understandable reason for suicide. But even now he remains a little skeptical. What remains is the fear of the lurid tabloids that want to squeeze out the history of the band even further.

"Oh what became of the Likely Lads? What became of the dreams we had? Oh what became of forever?" Can something like this band, shaped by a back and forth between friendship and rifts, really last forever? "I don't know, I've never tried!"

source: https://www.laut.de/The-Libertines/Interviews/Jeder-schreibt-nur-ueber-Peter-...-13-09-2004-240

[sambergscott]

your son is going to love you

Summary: Peralta dads are cursed, destined to have terrible relationships with their sons. When Jake finds out *he's* going to have a son, he spirals. Amy helps.

goes without saying that if you haven’t watched 7x10 yet maybe don’t read this

She wakes up at 2am needing to pee.

She’s been waking up needing to pee a lot lately.

It’s like their baby has no respect for her sleeping pattern, perfectly honed over the years to maximise productivity, while still fitting in the full 8 hours of sleep needed a day. Their baby doesn’t care about the 8 hour recommendation, he laughs in the face of scientists. With the bad back and heart burn and constant kick, kick, kicking of her bladder, she’s averaging 4.7. She thought babies didn’t start keeping you up all night until they were born but, oh, how wrong she was.

She pats her husband to wake him up and come keep her company. If she’s awake because of their baby, then damn it, he’s going to be awake, too. But he’s not there, leaving her hand awkwardly patting a bare mattress.

“Jake?” She murmurs groggily, sitting up and switching on her bedside lamp. She’s half-expecting him to be sitting in the armchair playing Mario Party on his Switch (he has become a little bit addicted in the last few months and it wouldn’t be the first time she’s found him trying to beat Wario in the early hours of the morning) or have left a note beside her bed that he had a lead on a case and needed to go in with a scribbled ‘love you’ underneath and a lopsided heart. The armchair is empty, but there’s a light on down the hall and since there’s no way she forgot to turn it off before bed (she triple checks), she figures that it must be Jake.

Forgetting the whole reason why she woke up in the first place, she grabs Jake’s hoodie from the floor for warmth and pads into their living-kitchen-dining area. It’s the open plan-ness that made her fall in love with the apartment upon first visit and submit all her paperwork as soon as she was out the door. It’s the open plan-ness that would make the Property Brothers proud and the dumb people who go on that show foam at the mouth with jealousy. It’s the open plan-ness that allows her to see her husband straight away, snacking on the unfinished party food.

(Apparently people don’t feel like eating after a man cuts his thumb off and spurts blood everywhere. Who’d have thought?)

There’s a weird, pensive look on his face that draws her towards him.

“You OK, babe?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he responds. He pops a tomato from the salad bowl in his mouth, then another, then another.

She narrows her eyes. He never eats tomatoes unless they’re in ketchup or on top of a famous Sal’s pizza. Something is wrong.

She thinks back on their day, mentally rewinding the events from waking up to the morning briefing to their private sex reveal in the break room and finding out they’re having a boy (the empty cake box and blue frosting around Scully’s mouth was very surprising indeed). They were both floating on Cloud 9 all afternoon, came home and Zoomed the entire family, falling asleep on the couch around 9.30pm because pregnancy is exhausting.

Nothing particularly awful stands out.

Unless...

“Are you thinking about your Grandpa?”

He’d been so excited to see him again, so excited to reunite Walter Peralta  with Roger, The Admiral with the Captain. To be honest, Amy was less than impressed. He’d been nice enough to her, asked her about her job, about the baby, small talked about the weather. But he never asked her about Jake, probed about the 20 odd years of his grandson’s life that he’d missed out on. Which is frustrating because she has a lot of embarrassing stories ready to tell and a whole photo album of Jake on her phone. He couldn’t care less about Roger or Jake, storming out of the sex reveal party after calling his son a screw up and turning off his phone so they couldn’t get in contact with him. He’s a selfish dick and her husband deserves better. Still, he won’t be thinking about what a monster Walter turned out to be, he’ll be finding ways to blame himself that yet another father walked out of his life again.

He nods silently and she leads him to the couch.

“Talk to me, Jake.”

He releases a shaky breath. “The Peralta’s are cursed.”

“With devastatingly handsome good looks?” She half-jokes, trying to lighten the mood. Because, hello, her husband is hot; she constantly overhears other women in the precinct talking about his glow up and it would be impossible to ignore the female attention he gets in bars and even just walking down the street before he scratches his face to show off his wedding band and wraps one arm proudly around his wife’s shoulders. She’s seen the pictures of a young Roger Peralta, too, and with that charm smile... she gets it.

“Thank you,” he smiles briefly, “but no. Peralta dads are cursed with terrible relationships with their sons.”

“That’s not going to be you,” she says without hesitation, without a shred of doubt.

“How do you know?” He launches into a scathing personal indictment that leaves his cheeks stinging with tears. “I’m immature, obsessed with my work, messy, always late. My dad was never around when I was a kid. I don’t even know what dads do with their sons! And what if it’s in my genes? To be a crappy dad, abandon my kid like a dozen Peralta fathers before me. Your parents still don’t think I’m good enough. You didn’t even like me at first. It only makes sense that our baby would hate me, too.”

“Woah, babe. Slow down. Let’s unpack that one at a time.” She wipes away his tears with his hoodie sleeve and squeezes his hand. “First of all, you are way more mature now than you used to be. We bought a family friendly Sedan. You read parenting books. You were eating fruit, like, two minutes ago.”

“Tomatoes are fruits?”

“What? Yes, how do you not - not the point.” She shakes her head. “And so what, you enjoy your job. That’s a good thing, Jake! Do you understand how rare that is? You’re doing the thing you love while providing a decent income for our family. And besides, I’m way more obsessed than you. I have FOMOW, but that doesn’t mean I won’t love our kid more than anything. And as for the messy, late thing, if I can look past it because of how much I love you, so will our son.”

“Love you, too,” he mumbles.

“Now onto your point about not knowing what dads do, that is a straight up lie and we both know it, Peralta. You’re always hanging out with Charles and Nikolaj and Lord Knows Terry doesn’t shut up about all the activities he does with his girls.”

“I know what they do when I’m around, but what do you do when it’s 5am and they won’t go back to sleep?” He frets. “At what age do you introduce them to Die Hard? In Cry Hard With A Vengeance,” he quotes the parenting book she originally bought him as a joke but has kind of become his Torah, “Bruce Willis says right away, but what if he’s not ready to understand the complex plots? What if he prefers Timothy Olyphant to William Atherton? Oh my God, what if our son doesn’t think Die Hard is a Christmas movie?”

He’s spiralling and it’s a good job he’s with the only person who can truly calm him down.

“I think Bruce Willis is just trying to promote his franchise and that we’ll be watching more Paw Patrol than Die Hard for the next few years, babe, but I’m sure when he is old enough, he will love the movies as much as you.”

“Right,” he agrees, “you’re totally right. Action thrillers aren’t very baby friendly. I’ll just watch it on mute with subtitles.”

She laughs, her eyes crinkling in the corners. She loves him so much. Which segways them nicely onto his final two points.

“My parents do love you. Sure, they’re critical, but that’s just the way they are. They’re the same way to all of us. My mom complains to everyone she meets about how I can’t cook, how Tony hasn’t settled down and made her any beautiful grandbabies yet, even Perfect David faces her wrath when he goes a week without phoning her. If the worst thing my mom has to say about you is that you’re below average in height, you’re doing OK. And as for me apparently not liking you at first, I did like you.”

He furrows his brow. “But you said you found me annoying and difficult to be around.”

“Yet I didn’t ask to switch desks, continued working cases with you and went to Shaw’s whenever I was invited.” She stares at him pointedly. “If I really found you difficult to be around, I wouldn’t have stayed. I thought you were cute and funny and good at your job and yeah, you were annoying too, but,” she shrugs, “it never put me off.”

“So what you’re saying is that you had a crush on me first,” he grins.

“No. You obviously had a crush on me back then, too. What I’m saying is that I love you, our son loves you and you’re going to be a great dad.”

He blushes, ducking his head. “My dad said the same thing. About our son loving me.”

“He’s right,” she replies. “I feel him kick every time you get home from work, every time you sing to Taylor Swift in the car, every time I mention your name. Why didn’t you believe him?”

“I don’t know, still nervous about the curse, I guess.” He twists his wedding band on his finger.

Amy bites her lip. “Are you not excited about us having a boy?”

She has to ask. His excitement looked genuine in the break room, but it’s no secret that he was hoping for a girl. A mini-Amy, he said. While she’s always been more accustomed to boys considering the Santiago’s have, like, a million of them, Jake couldn’t get over the image of a little girl in dresses and doing ballet and with long, dark hair that he eventually learns to braid.

“Of course I am,” he’s quick to assure her. “Stupid excited. Never been more excited for anything. Not even the Ninja Turtles reboot. But still... nervous.” He rubs his hand over his face, muffling his voice. “Everyone is assuming what kind of dad I’m going to be. Whether I’m going to be good at it or not. To be fair, the only person who doubted me is that murderer I arrested last week, obviously not my biggest fan. Everyone else is convinced I can do it. What if I can’t? What if I’m genetically wired to be a bad dad? What if I disappoint you and our baby and Charles who has been dreaming about this forever?”

“Jake,” she softens her voice, pulling his hand away from his face, “the fact you are so worried about being a bad dad proves that you will not be one. Nor could you ever disappoint us.”

“But you’re my wife. You have to say that.”

“I would never have married you and become your wife if I thought you were the kind of person who could abandon your kid,” she promises him. “You have been perfect so far, dealing with all the vitamins and over-scheduled sex and washing my clothes when I sweat through them and holding my hair back when I’m being sick. You’ve been to every doctor’s appointment, read every binder, bought me every weird food craving. You hang out with the bump every night, talking and singing to it. I know you’re going to be a great dad, Jake, because you already are one.”

She kisses him and it’s soft and tender and filled with love, only interrupted by the kick, kick, kicking of their son.

“Hey,” Jake says in his best authoritative dad voice/John McClane dealing with German terrorists voice (he’s been practising in front of the mirror following Bruce’s advice), pointing a warning finger at the bump. “I’m going to kiss your mom as much as I want, Peralta. I loved her first.”

Amy giggles, stroking her fingers through Jake’s unruly curls. His bedhead is always wild and it’s maybe her favourite thing in the entire world. She silently sends a message of her own to their son to inherit his dad’s hair. And eyes. And handsome smile.

He kicks again as if to say ‘OK, mom’.

And then she really needs to pee.