#here have my terrible edit

[cozylittleartblog]

@staff if you [change] the [design] of the fucking [dashboard] i will kill you

edit. i want it on the actual post that i am not actually making a de-th threat against the staff. that's shitty. the caption quotes the fucking costco hot dog meme, which i originally said in the tags. if any staff member sees this please do Not take it personally

[dreadintrusion]

The Ides of March: prophet of truth edition

[freakartack]

[adriennefrombrooklyn]

A Hard Day’s Night [1964]

some John x Paul bits

[aalt-ctrl-del]

mad take, but I can't with how the "Vivzie hate club" has two brain cells:

how dare this character be absolutely vulgar, vile, sexist, toxic, and a meanie. This show is terrible, and is teaching children terrible things. I don't care if this is hell, this is wrong and I hate.

but also

how dare this character of gluttony not look like a swol fly. This is not biblically accurate character design. How dare the deadly sins not behave in a cliche way that I have come to expect after watching 50 marvel movies. This free show is terrible and I hate.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[guckies]

Okay this is going of my previous post about Leo so go read that first. Also this post is like background and kind of reasoning so really make your own judgement from this post. Plus this is like 800+ words so this is gonna be a doozy.

Leo only really trusts her direct family, yes of course she loves her aunts, uncles and egg siblings. But when it comes down to it, she’ll always be looking for her dad in the crowd of people because she holds herself back from really developing deeper connections with anyone else. Which I think is in part due to the death of Trump, the lack of effort from others, others being untrustworthy and Vegetta having to leave for long periods.

With Trump’s death, I do think that when Trump died a part of Leo died. Like some people forget that Leo had to watch their best friend die while they were unable to do anything. We talk about how much of a tragedy Trumps death was, but we never talk about the effect it had on Leo. Part of the reason I think Leo doesn’t actively seek out other eggs is because she fears that they’ll die, and it’ll be her fault. Cause somewhere in her heart she believes that Trump’s death was her fault since she wasn’t able to do anything to help him.

She also doesn’t often initiate conversation with others because of how many times she is disregarded by the others. Which isn’t to say they don’t care for her but often they’ll have like 2-3 sentences of conversation and that’s it or some who don’t understand Spanish barely try to understand or give Leo the time of day. But it isn’t the case for all of them because there are a few (like Cellbit, Roier, Jaiden, Tina & Mouse) who don’t always get to see her, that do actively interact with her. However, she will always end up being the second choice (which is becoming the truth for Mouse and Tina who now actually have a child; I think Jaiden will always have Leo in mind, but it depends on how she reacts to Empanada).

All of this is part of the reason Leo doesn’t always try to initiate conversation anymore because of the effort many don’t put into trying to understand her. As well why should she give up her native language to conform to everyone else’s needs when they have the tools to understand her, they have the sign translator, and nothing is stopping them from asking chat or using google to translate. Those things just take a bit more time to do but nothings wrong with doing it cause at least then they’re trying.

Along with all this only recently (excluding festa junina), when the election arc was ending and before the eggs went missing was, she actively seeked out her extended family on her own, like Roier, Cellbit and Richas without their prompt. Which is a big step since she’s hasn’t actually done that without Foolish in months, practically ever since Trumpet died. (Yes, sometimes others do her tasks, but this part isn’t about tasks. Also, that’s usually a desperate situation in which Leo has to rely on others if Foolish isn’t on and her admin still is in school so she can’t be active all the time. So tasks don’t really count here cause she’s just trying to survive).

With Vegetta she understands why he’s not around because that’s all she can do. She has never doubted that he doesn't love her, but she does miss him. I think because Vegetta was such a fierce protector of his family, she did feel a bit threatened by others when he wasn’t around. Because Foolish isn’t taken seriously and Vegetta was always respected due to his fierce protectivenesses. So, without Vegetta who isn’t afraid to strike back on people 10x harder, it can be hard for her to feel truly safe interacting with others because of how aware she is of the situation and feelings surrounding her parents.

She is truly content being just with Foolish and seeing others on the occasion but I do think she was tired of trying only to be met with failure and learning that you can’t always trust everyone on the island. She’s not blind to how everyone treats Foolish so she is always aware of Foolish’s warnings about others and from watching that she’s can’t trust everyone here like the other eggs do.

Plus, when she comes back, she’ll witness it herself again if she notices some of her things are missing and if Bad asks Leo to share her NINHO room. Which is unfair to her because they wouldn’t dare do that to another egg. Like they might not know it’s her stuff but they could ask Foolish before hand to prevent that risk of taking her things yet they don’t. Also with the NINHO they can build a temporary NINHO solutions somewhere else (like normal protected houses such as Ramon’s or Phil’s house). The solutions aren’t hard to do if they put their heads together and think, but they just don’t want to put in the effort. But even with the NINHO room she might agree to it (even though she shouldn’t) if Foolish isn’t there because I don’t think she’ll be honest about her feelings with anyone but Foolish or her direct family(if pressed) cause others have never really listened to or understood Leo’s emotions before.

Really the conclusion to all this is that Leo has never been able to honestly express her feelings to others because she’s learned not to trust them and they’ve never actively tried to understand her more than surface level. But she’s a child so how is she even able to communicate this when the communication and understanding is the problem.

Overall I'm tired of people not seeing Leo for what she is and that is a happy child despite the struggles she continues to faced due to the disrespect, lack of effort from others and loneliness from having to struggle with all of this as a child.

[katnissmellarkkk]

my aesthetics :

the second quarter quell generation, pt one (aka the generation with all the principal characters’ parents, and then also haymitch)

[pixelatedraindrops]

Okay lemme be real with you all.

I LOVE it when someone touches someone else's cheek to check their temperature. Sooo good and sooo tender 💕 One of my top favorite prompts when it comes to an illness scene.🌡️

So I had to make a quick edit of this. Poor Yuma tries too hard...😞 At least there's a sensible adult in the room to tell him so. (and even his death god partner thinks he's pushing it)

A scenario of Yuma about to leave the agency, but Yakou KNOWS something's wrong. The trainee looks tired, he’s panting a little, and his face is tinted red. So he stops him, walks up to him, and puts his hand to his cheek to check.

And turns out, he was spot on.

Yuma tries to deny it, but Yakou ain’t havin’ it.

Then he IMMIEDATELY puts him to rest. Practically pushing him onto the couch (it only takes one hand like what is yuma gonna do lol)

I like to believe Yakou’s like a worried mother hen for his agency's staff. Panicking as a first-time caretaker in years. ESPECIALLY with Yuma since he's very likely the frailest of the bunch. (he's a father now :3)

Shinigami tries to help in her own way too

Yay for duo caretaking >w<💕💊

(...yes I know its the SAME freaking couch edit template here I'm sorry, ITS ALL I HAVE OKAY? LEAVE ME ALONE X’D)

[sneez]

various fairfaxes and a drawing from my english civil wars hiking au which i never posted :-) [id under cut]

[image description:

the first image is a digital drawing of a group of men on a light brown background. they are all wearing hiking-appropriate clothing. from left to right: a young man swinging from a tree; arrows pointing at him read ‘weirdly passionate about hiking’ and ‘like 15′. a man leaning against a tree; arrows read ‘grumpy’ and ‘only here for family bonding with father-in-law’. a man with a cane and one arm in a sling, leaning over to read a map; arrows read ‘has injured himself on every hike so far’ and ‘designated driver’. a man reading a map with a serious expression; arrows read ‘annoyed about everything except hiking and sometimes also hiking’ and ‘only one who can read a map’. a man with his hands on his hips looking at the viewer; arrows read ‘arranges hikes and then doesn’t go on them’ and ‘good at arguing’.

the second image is a collection of four digital drawings of thomas fairfax, a man with long dark hair, a moustache, and a beard. he is wearing seventeenth-century clothing. one is a full-body coloured drawing of him sitting in a chair facing away from the viewer with his legs folded and his hat on his knee. the other three are uncoloured: two are headshots of him as a young man and an older man, and the third shows him sitting at a table reading a piece of paper with an expression of concentration.

the third image is a coloured digital portrait of thomas fairfax as an older man. he is clean-shaven and has long dark hair and a scar across his cheek. he is wearing a dark doublet and a large white falling band, and is looking to the left of the image with a serious expression.

end image description.]

[tenowls]

[oc] jay

[davishater]

Guys, I am so sorry.... This post might just break Tumblr.... If you see my post and your Tumblr breaks, I apologize IMMENSELY! I have just written a Winter Moriarty X Reader that is 5,284 words..... Please forgive me..... 🙏 At the end, there is a part where Winter and the reader watch TV. I got that idea from @kawasemy I hope that I have been able to feed my fellow, starving, Winter simps. Again, please forgive me for everything and read the tags for more humor. Also, masterlist link in the beginning, cause it's too long to scroll....

Masterlist

Winter shoves her pale hands into her pockets and watches the sky, as the heavens shed their tears on the city of London. She was never fond of the constant rainy weather, but it's where she's lived her entire life, so all she can do is accept the gloomy weather. At least, it was gloomy until she met a certain someone.

Winter exits the store she's in and runs towards a canopy in the park across the street. She watches her only friend jump in the puddles on the basketball court the rain created. Her laughter reaching Winter's cold ears, even from that distance.

"Y/n!"

Winter calls out to her friend and she waves with a bright smile on her face. Winter weakly waves back, but quickly returns her hand to her warmer pockets.

Y/n moved here for school, from a dry climate in America. They met in a cafe, when the clumsy girl tripped and dropped her books and computer on Winter, also spilling her coffee on her in the process. The coffee had also gotten all over Y/n's computer. Winter felt bad for what happened, and even though she doesn't make it a habit to help everyone who crosses her path, she offered to fix the girls computer. Y/n's outgoing personality had pushed the unwanted friendship onto her, but after sometime, Winter couldn't bother to avoid the strange girl. She finally accepted the friendship; the first one she's had since her younger sister died.

Winter calls out to her friend again and she comes running. She stands underneath the canopy with Winter and laughs from all the fun she was having.

"You've been out here forever, aren't you done?"

Winter slightly shivers as she shoves her hands deeper into her pockets.

"What? You're such a party pooper! Why don't you come join me? You'll have more fun."

Y/n pulls on Winter's arm.

"Hard pass. You know I'm not a fan of the rain."

"And yet, you're out here with me."

Winter goes quiet at her comment and looks back out at the rain. She then speaks up to divert from the topic.

"I can't believe you forgot your umbrella."

"Well, I didn't think it was going to rain." She replies.

"Y/n, it's London. It always rains here."

"Well, it's been sprinkling lately, so I didn't think it'd come down this hard..."

"Never trust the weather here." Winter advises.

She turns back to Y/n, wipes some wet hair off of her face and brushes it behind her ear.

"Did they look at your motorcycle?" Y/n asks, brushing the rest of her hair back with her fingers.

"Yeah, just some minor issues. I can pick it up tomorrow afternoon."

"That's good, it wasn't as bad as we thought."

Winter nods and shivers again.

"If we don't dry you off, you'll catch a cold." Winter says a little concerned.

"Nah, I'm sure I'll be fine!"

"What?" Winter smirks. "Cause 'idiots don't catch colds?'"

"What!? No!"

Y/n huffs and dramatically folds her arms across her chest. Winter chuckles at how naturally expressive she is. She's been surrounded for so long by people hiding their true feelings, it's refreshing seeing someone that's so easy to read.

"It's not that funny..." Y/n continues pouting.

Winter ignores her and grabs the back of her shoulders, pushing her towards the main road.

"Come on, let's get you something warm to drink."

Winter and Y/n walk alongside the sidewalk towards the cafe that's nearby. A truck drives by and Winter tries to shield Y/n from the large splash from the truck running over the puddle, but it drenched Winter and still got on Y/n.

"Oh my gosh, Winter! Are you ok?"

Winter sputters to try and get the muddy taste out of her mouth, but fails, and wipes the excess water from off her face with her hand.

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"I'm good, but most of the water got on you! Uhg, you're more soaked than I am! Man, what a jerk!" Y/n shouts, sounding annoyed.

Winter looks at her a little questioningly.

"It happens. Come on, let's head inside."

"Are they even gonna let us inside with how wet you are?"

"Yeah. It's normal to see people drenched walking into places to get dried off from the rain."

"I see."

The girls walk into the cafe and a hostess immediately runs up to them with two towels.

"I saw what happened through the window. Are you two alright?"

"Yeah." Winter replies, plainly.

She takes the towels and places one on her shoulders and the other on Y/n's head.

"Could we use your restroom to clean ourselves up?" Y/n asked the hostess.

"Of course! Follow me."

They followed the hostess to the restrooms meant for paying customers and unlocked the door for the drenched girls. They walk inside and Winter starts rubbing the towel over Y/n's head. She swats Winter's hand away and dries off her own hair.

"I'm fine, just take care of yourself."

Winter takes a step back and stares at Y/n out of the corner of her eye. She then goes to the sink and starts washing her mouth out from the dirt taste she had since earlier. Winter wipes her mouth on the towel around her shoulders and then slowly puts it over her head and starts drying off her hair. She glances at her friend again and sees the small pout on her face.

"Are you upset with me?" Winter asks quietly.

"What? Of course not! Why would you think that?"

"You're not you're usual happy self..."

"Oh... No, I'm upset with that truck driver... There's no way he didn't see us or the puddle! He should've slowed down! Driving through puddles like that can ruin your car and it gets people wet! It was so unnecessary and if I could, I'd definitely yell at him about it! I swear, some people are just so inconsiderate!"

"He really got you that upset?"

Winter looks a little surprised.

"Of course! Now there's a possibility of you getting sick! Oh, I swear, if you do, I'm going to hunt him down and give him a piece of my mind!"

Winter accidentally lets a chuckle escape her lips and she's shocked from her own reaction.

"What? I'm serious you know!"

"I know."

"Then why'd you laugh?"

"Well... I don't know myself... I guess, it's cause I'm seeing a new side of you. I don't think I've ever seen you get mad before. I almost thought you weren't capable of that kind of emotion."

"Huh? Well of course I get mad! That's a normal human reaction, so I wouldn't be a normal human otherwise."

"Oh, my bad! I didn't realize you were capable of being normal." Winter mocked.

"What? Hey! I can be normal!"

"I'd bet my life you can't be normal about anything."

"Now that's just mean!"

Y/n pouts and Winter chuckles again. She stares at Winter's face and sees black streaks running down her cheeks from her eyes.

"Oh dear, your makeup is running."

She grabs some toilet paper and wipes off the black streaks from Winter's cheeks. Winter stares into her eyes as she does so.

"I could've done that, you know."

"And I could've handled getting drenched, so we're even now."

Winter looks away and continues rubbing the towel over her head. She then frantically pulls out her wallet and phone from her pockets. The few bills and business cards she had in her wallet were far from saving and just made the wallet look like a mess. She puts her wallet on the sink and then tries turning on her phone, but it refuses to respond. Winter cusses underneath her breath.

"That bad?" Y/n asks.

"Well, I can't contact anyone, which isn't that big a deal, but I don't have access to money either."

"Oh... Yeah that's pretty bad."

"How's your phone?"

"Well, let's see."

She pulls out her phone, which has a heavy duty case on it, and tries turning it on.

"Oh yay! My phone works!"

"I bet the case is what saved it."

Y/n chuckles, a little embarrassed.

"Yeah, I tend to drop my phone often... I guess my clumsy nature helped us a little there?"

Winter smirks and shakes her head.

"Well we at least still have access to my money, if there's anything we need." Y/n says, hopeful.

"No, save your money. Use that for your school needs."

"But I want to help out, too."

"You don't have to worry about that."

"Ok, then have you figured out how we're going to get back to my apartment without using money? We came kinda far and it's too far to walk in the rain without an umbrella."

Winter goes silent and looks away. She takes off her leather jacket and hoodie and tosses them to the floor. She then starts pulling on her t-shirt that's sticking to her body and rings out some of the water. Y/n sighs and looks around the bathroom. She then grabs Winter's hand and leads her to the hand dryer.

"Come on, we can at least dry you off a little, while we come up with a plan."

Y/n turns on the hand dryer and it blows in Winter's face. She closes her eyes and winces from the sudden intensity. Winter takes the towel from off her head and shakes her head as the warm wind blows her hair dry. She then lifts up her shirt a little, showing her stomach and waist. Winter looks up and notices Y/n staring.

"Is there a problem?" Winter asks.

"Oh... No, it's nothing."

Y/n turns her head away and Winter notices her cheeks are slightly pinker than before. Winter pulls her friend closer to her as she looks surprised from the sudden notion.

"Dry yourself off with the hand dryer, too. I don't want you getting sick, either."

Y/n complies and starts to try and dry her clothes while they're still on. The feeling of her clothes slowly drying on her made them feel icky. She scrunches her nose from the feeling and feels awkward drying herself off with a small hand dryer and Winter standing closely next to her. She knows it was her idea, but didn't realize how awkward, or embarrassing, this situation would be. Lifting your arm up to dry your armpit, while someone you care about is standing so close to you, isn't the ideal situation...

"This isn't working. We'd be able to dry our clothes better if we took them off." Winter suggested, sounding a little annoyed.

She starts lifting her shirt even higher to take it off, but Y/n stops her.

"Wait, wait, wait!"

"What?"

"Well... I uh- I'm not exactly comfortable with that..."

"Oh..."

Winter put her shirt down, then picks both her jackets off the floor and starts ringing out the water in the sink.

"So? What should we do now?" Y/n asks.

"Well, this little hand dryer isn't going to be enough to dry us off. We're going to have to change into different clothes in order to get warmer."

"Well then, at least let me buy us some warm drinks as we come up with a plan."

Winter sighs and gives into the girls protests.

"Fine, but that's it! Nothing else."

"Deal."

Winter collects her things and they leave the bathroom and sit at one of the small tables next to the window. A waitress comes over and takes their orders. Y/n stares out the window as they sit in silence until their drinks come.

Once the waitress gives them their drinks, Y/n thanks her and drinks from her cup. Winter immediately puts her hands on her cup and keeps them there. Every so often, she sips from the mug.

"I swear, how does someone not bring an umbrella along when it's raining?" Winter mocks a second time.

"Hey! You don't have one, either!"

Winter sighs.

"Ok, that's fair."

"There's a hotel across the street there."

Y/n points out the building and Winter follows the direction she's pointing in.

"Why would we go to a hotel?"

"Well, we can shower, and they have a washing machine, and we can stay there until the weather lightens up. The forecast also says tomorrow won't have as much rain as today."

"And who's money are we going to use to stay there?"

Y/n goes silent and pouts again.

"I told you, you need to save your money for school. I'm sure the fees take up the majority of your allowance anyways."

"You don't know that." She says, still pouting.

"Ok, then how much do you usually have left after you've paid the fees?"

Y/n blows a bubble in her cheeks and pouts more.

"That's... None of your business."

"Which means it's not much."

She whines and turns her attention outside again as Winter shakes her head. After sometime, her friend starts chuckling.

"What's so funny?"

"No, sorry. I just realized, it's kind of like we're on a date and you're the guy who wants to pay for everything just to make a good impression."

Winter becomes flustered and rests her chin on her hand to hide her embarrassment and slightly pink cheeks. She looks out the window as she speaks quietly.

"O-oh, uh... Does it?"

Y/n sees through Winter's failed composure and continues chuckling.

"I'm sorry, maybe that was too much for me to say."

"No, you did nothing wrong."

Winter puts both her hands back on her cup and stares out the window, watching the rain fall as Y/n looks at her. She then turns her attention outside as well. After some time, Winter speaks up.

"If you let me pay you back, I'll let you use your money to at least pay for a taxi."

"Yes!"

Y/n's face brightens up.

"Let me use your phone to call a taxi." Winter says, putting her hand out.

"Why can't you use your phone?"

Winter's shoulders fall and she frowns at her friend.

"Oh right, I forgot."

Y/n pulls out her phone and gives it to Winter as she rolls her eyes and shakes her head, as she dials the number to order a taxi. After a few minutes of Winter talking on the phone and growing more annoyed, she scoffs and hangs up the phone.

"They're all gonna be busy for a while."

"Well should we wait until one is available? Or take the trains or bus?"

"Rather not be in a crowded place if I don't have to."

Winter replied, with her fist pushing into her cheek, and the way she spoke sounded silly. Y/n giggled and Winter paid her no mind.

"I remember you don't like crowds. If only your motorcycle could be ready in a few hours."

"We can't do anything about that. Why don't we just start walking? There's a small store around the corner from here. We can buy an umbrella there and dry off at your place."

"If you're ok with that."

"There's nothing else we can do and it won't be good if either of us get sick. Gotta do what we gotta do to get dried off as quickly as possible."

"Yeah, you got a point."

The two girls finish their drinks and Y/n goes up to the counter and pays. Winter holds both of her jackets and waits by the entrance. They walk out together and quickly head to the general store around the corner. Y/n grabs one umbrella, pays for it and then heads back to Winter, who's again waiting by the entrance.

"Give it to me."

Y/n gives the umbrella to Winter as they walk outside. She opens it up and holds it over both of their heads as they start walking towards her friends house.

"Why don't you let me walk on the outside of the road this time?"

"No, you stay on that side." Winter says, bluntly.

"But what if a car comes by and splashes you again?"

"I'm more aware of my surroundings, so I can move us out of the way faster if that happens."

"What about earlier? You didn't move out of the way then."

Winter sighs.

"I shielded you, didn't I?"

Y/n goes quiet and looks down at her feet as she walks. Winter notices her silence and mentally scolds herself for not being good at relaying exactly what she wants to say.

"Besides, I'd be more comfortable if I was the one next to the road." Winter continues.

"Alright fine. Guess I can't really say anything if that's the reason."

Winter pats her head and they continue walking down the street towards Y/n's apartment.

"What if you let me hold the umbrella?" Y/n ask after a minute of silence.

"No, I'll hold the umbrella."

"Well, I want to help with something, too."

"You've done enough."

Y/n huffs while Winter stares at her and sighs.

"You really want to do something more?"

"Obviously..."

"Here."

Winter hands her jackets over to her sulking friend.

"This helps me."

Y/n smiles a goofy grin and giggles contently as she holds Winter's jackets close to her. Winter looks away and scratches her cheek. Y/n looks up at her and swears she saw a light pink color dust Winter's cheeks, but it was too dark outside for her to tell. They walk in silence for a few minutes.

"So, what do you want to do once we get back to my place?" Y/n asks.

"I just want to get warm, I don't care about anything else."

Y/n hums in response.

"Are you gonna stay the night then?"

"No." Winter replies, furrowing her brow at her friend.

"How come?"

"I'm not going to intrude on you."

"But you won't be! Besides, how are you going to get home without your motorcycle?"

"I'll manage."

"What if I force you to stay?"

"Well, then I wouldn't have a choice now, would I?"

A wide grin is placed on Y/n's face and she hugs Winter's arm as they walk.

"Then I guess that's what I'm going to have to do! I'm forcing you to stay over!"

Y/n giggles with excitement and starts skipping.

"You're that happy to force me to stay over?"

"Of course! It means we get to hangout longer!"

Winter stares at Y/n.

"You're weird."

Y/n giggles again.

Winter looks out at the street, watches the cars drive by and the people traveling to their destinations. She sees the many different expressions and judges their thoughts accordingly. Some enjoy the rain, some aren't fond of the weather and some just accepts this as a part of their life. Winter remembers that she doesn't like the rain, but finds she doesn't mind the gloomy weather at this moment. She feels a shiver come on, but the feeling immediately goes away, and her body starts to warm up without the need to shiver.

She listens to her friend hum the chorus over and over from a popular song in London right now. It's a song Winter isn't fond of, but she finds herself fighting the urge to hum along to the stupid song. She hears splashing at her feet, along with the pitter patter of rain echoing all around her, and looks down. Y/n has continued to jump in each puddle they come across again today, but Winter pays her no mind. Her friend grips her arm, for support, as she jumps in ever puddle. Winter doesn't mind it when the water splashes up onto her shoes, or even the bottom of her pants. In fact, she finds it more comical, than anything.

"If you keep skipping like that, you're going to slip and fall."

"No I won't, cause you'll catch me!"

"Will I?"

"Mh hm!"

Winter stays silent and after a few seconds, she starts moving her body weight downwards. Y/n doesn't notice until she jumps in another puddle and her grip on Winter's arm becomes unstable, from her change in posture, causing her to slip. Y/n shrieks and Winter holds her up with her arm to keep her from falling to the ground. She smacks Winter's shoulder annoyed as she spots a small smile creep up on Winter's lips.

"You did that on purpose!" Y/n yells annoyed.

"Maybe that'll teach you to be more careful." Winter says, chuckling.

"You're so mean, betraying my trust like that!"

"Well, I never told you to trust me."

"I know, but I wanted to trust you."

"I don't know why."

"Well, obviously cause you're such a good person... Somewhere."

Winter chuckles again at the "somewhere" part.

Winter stops walking and pulls her friend back, before she walks out from underneath the umbrella.

"Where are you going?" Winter asks.

"Huh? What do you mean? Aren't we going to my apartment?"

"Yeah, it's right here."

"What?"

Y/n turns her head and sees they're standing right next to her apartment building.

"Oh, yeah, you're right! Wow, I thought we would have to walk further."

"Well, we have been walking for a while." Winter replied.

"Have we? I never noticed. I guess I was having so much fun with you, time had gone by much faster. Do you ever get that?"

Winter hesitates to speak, but decided to just say what's on her mind.

"Yeah. I wasn't expecting the walk to go by that quickly, either. I almost walked past your apartment building, too."

"You and I are just so silly, huh?" Y/n giggles.

"No, being with you just lowers my IQ."

"What!? You can't say that! That's so mean!"

Y/n hits Winter's shoulder again. She chuckles as she watches her friends reaction.

"Come on, let's head inside and dry off. I'm so done with being cold and wet."

"Ok, let's go!"

Y/n holds onto Winter's arm again and they walk to the front entrance. When they get to the door, Winter closes the umbrella and continues to walk up to her friends small apartment. When the girls walk in the entryway, Y/n shuts the door behind them. They both sigh loudly, in unison, and then look at each other chuckling.

"Why don't you take a shower first?" Y/n suggests.

"I can't do that. You go take the first one."

"I don't have the energy to argue with you. Give me your clothes to wash and hop in the shower, right now." Y/n says sternly.

"O-ok." Winter says a little surprised.

She starts lifting her shirt up and Y/n stares at the curves in her sides and back. Winter's pale skin, how curvy she is, the placement of her veins and the thickness of her spine, Y/n takes a mental note of all of it. She even becomes jealous of the few droplets of water sliding down her back and disappearing in the fabric of her jeans. She wishes her fingers could feel Winter's skin, just like the rain that soaked her today.

Y/n realizes she's staring and the kind of thoughts she's having, so she immediately covers her eyes with her hands. She hears the sounds of Winter stripping down and the wet fabric pulling away from her skin. Y/n feels a tap on her arm, and while keeping her eyes closed, she holds out her arms and Winter lays her clothes over her arms.

"I'll get you a towel and a change of clothes as soon as I start the laundry." Y/n says.

"K."

She hears Winter's bare feet walk across the floor towards the bathroom. When Y/n hears the door shut, she opens her eyes and sighs. She then goes to her laundry room, shoves Winter's clothes into the washing machine and strips down to put her own clothes in as well. After starting the machine, she grabs two towels and wraps herself in one. She goes to her kitchen and fills her kettle with water and puts it on the stove. Then, goes to her room and grabs some comfy clothes for Winter before knocking on the bathroom door.

"Winter, I'm coming in!"

"That's fine."

Y/n walks in the bathroom.

"I'm putting a towel and some clean clothes here on the counter. I'm also boiling some water, so you can come and make a hot drink for yourself while I shower."

"Alright."

"Is there anything else you need?"

"I'm probably fine. I'm almost done in here."

"Ok, I'll give you privacy, then."

Y/n leaves the bathroom and starts collecting clothes for her to change into once she's finished with her shower. She sits on her bed as she waits for Winter to finish up. Winter exits the bathroom and heads towards the kitchen with a towel wrapped around her shoulders and Y/n goes in the bathroom to shower.

When Y/n gets out of the bathroom, she's dressed in comfy clothes and heads towards the kitchen and living room area. She spots the back of Winter's head, tilted slightly to the side. She makes herself some tea and heads to the couch.

As she comes around the corner, she starts laughing. She spots Winter, curled up on the far end of the couch, mouth slightly a gaped, bowl of cereal in her hands resting in between her knees and chest, and one of Y/n's thin blankets wrapped around her legs. Winter breathes in deeply and sits up straight, rubbing her eyes. She starts to continue eating.

"Did you fall asleep?" Y/n asks, still laughing.

She's never had the opportunity to see Winter in such a vulnerable state.

"No... At least... Not completely..." Winter says quietly.

Y/n sets her cup down on the coffee table and takes the damp towel from around Winter's shoulders and puts it in the laundry. She comes back and relaxes on the opposite side of the couch.

"Did you want to sleep?"

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure? I don't mind if you do. We had a long day, after all."

Winter takes a few bites of her cereal before answering.

"Maybe."

She finishes up her cereal and then puts the bowl on the coffee table in front of her. She motions Y/n to move closer to her. Instead, Y/n picks up the bowl and takes it to the sink. Winter starts to untangle herself from the blanket to try and get up.

"That's not what I meant for you to do. I was going to take care of it later."

"I know, just stay there. Now you don't have to worry about it later."

Winter leans back on the couch when she sees Y/n coming back.

"Where's your phone?" Y/n asks.

Winter pulls out her phone, that had fallen in-between her and the couch cushion, and shows it to Y/n. She dramatically snatches it from Winter's grasp and Winter looks surprised as she watches her friend walk back to the kitchen.

"What are you-"

Y/n pulls out a bowl and a bag of rice. She then takes Winter's phone out of its case and places it in a bowl. She pours the rice over the phone, making sure it's completely surrounded by rice.

"And now we wait."

"Are you performing some kind of voodoo over there?"

"Um... No? Putting your phone in rice can actually get the water out and fix your phone. At least, it's supposed to do that. Doesn't always work, though."

"You don't have to do that. I can always get a new phone."

"But then you'll lose the silly messages I've sent you! I know if it was me, I'd be sad if that happened. This way, we can say we did all we could to fix your phone."

Y/n goes back over to the couch, picks up her and Winter's cup of tea, which was also on the coffee table, and brings the two cups with her as she sits next to Winter. She gives Winter her cup and Winter moved the blanket so it's covering Y/n as well.

"You don't have to do things for me. I'm capable of doing them myself." Winter says, a little irritated.

"Oh, don't be like that. You always help me out, so I wanna help you, too. Besides, if I didn't try to help fix your phone, I'd feel somewhat responsible that it broke."

Winter purses her lips together and then takes a sip of her tea.

"Thanks." She says quietly.

Y/n smiles wide. Winter then picks up the TV remote next to her and tosses it into Y/n's lap.

"Why don't you turn on that show you like?"

Y/n thinks for a bit.

"The baking one?"

"Yeah."

"Well, why don't we watch what you want to watch?"

"Cause I don't care. Just turn it on."

"Ok, ok." Y/n chuckles.

She turns on the TV and starts playing The Great British Bake Off.

"These people are so stupid."

Y/n laughs at Winter's comment.

"That's why I like it."

"Oh, that's right, they're your people."

Y/n looks at Winter confused.

"But I'm American?"

"No, it's cause you're not the smartest person."

"Wha-! You are so mean to me, and for what?"

"Are you saying you're smarter than these people?"

"Obviously."

Winter looks at Y/n questioningly and sips from her mug.

"You think these people are smart enough to stick a wet phone in rice to fix it?"

Winter starts laughing as she sips from her mug and almost chokes on her tea.

"Please, do not die on me, I would literally cry."

"You don't want a crime scene here?"

"No! I do not!"

Winter giggles and buries her forehead into Y/n's shoulder.

"What in the world is wrong with you?" Y/n laughs.

"I don't know. I never stay awake when I'm this tired!"

"Then sleep! I literally do not mind!"

"No."

Winter starts giggling again.

"Oh my gosh."

Y/n shakes her head.

"Uhg! Why am I like this!?" Winter leans her head back and whines.

"I like this side of you. It's fun watching you act in a way you usually don't."

Winter buries her face into Y/n's lap and groans. Y/n giggles and runs her fingers through Winter's hair.

"That's nice."

"You like it when I run my fingers through your hair?"

"Mmh."

Winter reaches over and puts her cup on the coffee table and then points at it.

"Stay."

Winter then rolls over and points up at Y/n as she giggles.

"Ok, I'll make sure the cup stays." Y/n says as if she's talking to a child.

Winter's arm falls onto Y/n's lap, next to her head and then positions her legs so they're hanging over the side of the couch. Y/n fixes the blanket so it covers Winter and continues playing with her hair.

Winter stares into Y/n's face curiously.

"It's a shame that you don't know how pretty you are..."

Y/n immediately stops playing with Winter's hair and feels her cheeks heat up. She watches as Winter starts to relax down and her eyes fight to stay open. Y/n recomposes herself and turns off the TV, then continues to play with Winter's hair to help her fall asleep. Her breathing slows and her finger wraps around the hem of Y/n's shirt. She smiles and watches Winter for a while, before she starts falling asleep herself. One hand entangled in Winter's hair, other hand resting on the cup at her side. She couldn't have asked for a better day.

Later, Winter wakes up and crouches on the bathroom floor, cursing herself for acting the way she did before she fell asleep. She decided to pretend as if she never acted all 'cute' like that and swears to force herself to never act that way again for as long as she lives. She'll never speak a word of that moment to anyone and hopes Y/n will forget all about it. Although, Y/n will probably only want to talk about that one moment as soon as she wakes up....

[emmebearpaw]

“What do I do when I’m angry?” You ask without even asking. You are small, these emotions are new, the people around you teach you about each. Being happy is yellow and you show you are happy with a smile. Being sad is blue and you show you are sad by crying. Being mad is red. “How do I be angry?” They don’t really answer it.

You learn later that being angry is being loud and scary. Being angry is when your parents yell at you for doing something you shouldn’t have. Of course your parents yelling is scary. Being angry is being scary.

But being scary isn’t exactly an action to do. You can yell. Yelling is a good way to be angry. People already tell you are loud a lot though, like when you are excited! What’s another way to be angry.

The animal inside of you responds. Being angry is to be violent. The best way to get rid of the pain of holding the boiling pot of rage is throw it on someone else.

You scratch the girl you were mad at in first grade. You really should have gone to the principals when she told on you. You realize in that moment and dozens before you can’t hurt someone when you are angry. You lie to the teacher and say it was an accident, your nails were long and you didn’t mean it. But you didn’t have to hold that pot. You don’t do that again, being a good girl means you can’t be hurting anyone.

You are holding the boiling pot yet again and it hurts and it hurts and you have to do something. The pressure is mounting with deadlines for projects and extracurricular activities and now you need to do all of that work all over again and you kick a fucking hole in the wall at your middle school.

You know you shouldn’t have done that but nothing chills the pot like guilt sliding down your throat. You already knew by then that the boiling anger can’t go onto objects either. Only special objects can be hit. “You can punch your pillow if you are mad.” Your parents say. You can’t punch your fucking pillow when you are at SCHOOL. You can’t punch your pillow on the bus you cant you can’t.

So you learn to hold the boiling metal. You scream about it next time it begins to boil. Everyone looks at you and goes silent. Your friends tell you they were scared you’d hurt them.

you can’t do that. You can’t do that.

You go silent as the anger seeps through you. That’s weird. Why aren’t you talking. You talk. You sound angry, why are you angry. You leave the room. You can’t do that, we are busy right now, you can’t leave without permission.

You are trapped there. You have enough brain power left as the rage seeps into your skin to realize you are the only one who is angry in the situation you are in. Because you are angry at things you did and didn’t do. Because you have to be a good girl. That’s who you are. You set expectations for yourself and for others and you can’t even get yourself to meet all of them, how could you ever get someone else to. The kettle whistles louder and louder as the kids around you in class get off topic as the teacher runs to grab something. This is a discussion you want to scream. We have a topic to talk about you want to beg. You are sitting criss cross applesauce on the fucking floor with a hot iron pressed to your chest and you can not leave. You can not fix it.

So what did you learn to do? The anger has to go somewhere. It doesn’t sit in you well. You know you should be able to handle the searing metal but you can’t. It has to go somewhere. It can’t go on others, they’ll hurt. It can’t go on objects. They’ll break. It can’t go in the air it can’t be pushed into the ground it can’t leave the room all the time.

You pour the boiling hot anger onto yourself. It’s the only place for it to go? Isn’t it. It doesn’t solve the fact the water is still boiling. Now more is burned, but your hands don’t have to hold it. The sound of your fist hitting your own head provides some relief. The rattle in your brain after you slam it against something can distract you from the rage. You can punish yourself for the fact that no one else seems to have this problem that you do.

You know you picked the wrong way to pour out the water. it’s too loud. Too noticeable. You get in trouble for doing it. People get angry at you. Concerned for you. Scared of you. You look one of your best friends in the eyes and you want to punch them for something they said. You don’t remember what it was at this point you just remember you thought you should punch her.

But that was the first thing you learned wasn’t it? You can’t hit someone. You look her dead in the eyes and punch yourself with the force you wanted to hit her with. You get in trouble with your parents for doing it, grabbed by the arm to stop you from giving yourself a concussion in a parking lot as you sobbed over not knowing what item you wanted at the craft store.

they still haven’t answered what you should do instead.

You still don’t have a better answer. You become an adult, far past the point of learning that anger is red and you still don’t know what to do about it.

you learn to be quieter about it though. You try counting how many times you wanted to do it in a day. The people around you ask you to stop the ominous counting at the things you used to get mad about. You stop doing it on the second day. You try not to think about how you didn’t hit yourself at all yesterday, despite the rage. You start doing it again.

You learn that biting isn’t quite as good as hitting but it’s quiet and clean and easily hideable as you twist your hands to hide the teeth marks.

You stop being as angry when you leave high school. It turns out not being locked into rooms with the things that make you angry, helps a lot.

and yet.

One day you realize your sibling got to go to therapy for their anger issues. They went to therapy for it because they didn’t learn. They kept hitting and breaking and yelling. They got cards to give their teachers to take a walk when their pot started boiling. The reason you didn’t is because you learned. The reason you didn’t is because you hit yourself instead of others.

At that realization, the pot starts to simmer once more.

this time you cry.

[kyr-kun-chan]

Bad Buddy Rewatch 2022 Episode 3

[heartburstings]

hey, wait. i have a distressing thought here.

you know how, in you and i, jason has to comfort peter that It's All Just A Game? and directly after that, peter like, just directly says, "i know he wants to be the american dream. i know he wants a trophy bride, kids, a dog, a picket fence. i don't know how i'm supposed to fit into that."

and it's like... i doubt this insecurity came from nowhere. like, yeah, of course peter knows jason this well, of course he does--but also. do you think ivy was even the first girl jason went out with? you know???

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 15)

Hey, friends! We're about to begin one of my favorite arcs! (Don't ask me what my favorite arc is; it changes like the weather.) The New Year's Arc, or in my head the "Discovering Natsume Arc," is super important to Mikan's development and to her feelings for Natsume, so we'll be having a field day, y'all and I. Let's get to it!

<- Prev Next ->

Chapter Fifty-Three

This arc has everything!!!!

Ignore me, I HAVE to quote SNL right now.

This is the beginning of a pretty important arc. In the Natsume essay, I called this arc the “Discovering Natsume” arc, which made it less important for him and more important for Mikan. To be entirely honest, so much happens here--particularly with Mikan and her feelings, both for Natsume and her insecurities--that it almost feels like a climax. If you only read up to the New Year’s Arc, it almost feels like a complete story, as unsatisfying as it is. I’ll discuss that more later (“Yeah, later later--I’ve heard that one before!”) (I'm made of references. If you get this one, we can be best friends!!!).

In any case, the arc begins with the elementary Class B dorm New Year’s party! Everyone is gussied up and star ranks have nothing to do with the feast for once, so everyone can tuck in too! (Although the money packet is still dependent on star rank.) Mikan is properly excited, especially because today is her birthday. 

Class B, my beloveds.

She tries to subtly remind her classmates, asking if everyone knows why this day might be special besides being New Year’s Day, but nobody seems particularly interested in indulging her. She has memories of celebrating with Jii-chan, who was often the only one she could celebrate with, only to have her New Year’s packet be her birthday present. It must be so sad to be born in the winter months, when the gift-giving holidays are all clumped together and your special day gets lost in the mix. Tragic. Can't relate because I was born in the summer so I am super privileged--I always got the whole day to myself.

(Natsume is left-handed, Mikan’s birthday is New Year’s--they’re so oppressed.)

In any case, she’s excited to celebrate with friends for once, to have her birthday be a big event. Mikan likes attention and, unlike Natsume, she actually wants people to make her birthday a big production because it never has been. But nobody seems to care at all, too preoccupied with it being New Year’s. It’s finally her chance to have a proper birthday and she’s still being overshadowed by the coming of the new year. 

The arrival of the New Year’s cards in particular distract everyone from Mikan’s obvious hinting, and even Mikan temporarily forgets the subject when she finds out she got a little stack of cards too! She’s touched to see the card from her Jii-chan, the only person who actually remembers her birthday. Her stack is small though, nothing compared to Hotaru’s tower of fanmail or Ruka’s mysterious postcard from his family. 

Her mood switches around so quickly!

Ruka and his family are very mysterious. Mikan may be friends with Ruka now but his past, family, and friendship with Natsume remain obscure. It’s important that our arc begins with this concept! You may remember Natsume’s essay for the Reo Arc, when I pointed out that Natsume’s dream in the beginning was important because it signaled that some change must occur by the end of the arc. Similarly, for Mikan, her dislike of Natsume and Sumire being stressed at the start of that arc also was a sign that things must change. Similarly, Mikan muses here that she knows nothing about Ruka or Natsume or their families. Thus, by the end of the arc, we can expect that to change.

(You can track foreshadowing this way. Not all stories are well-written, and even if they are, some stories have foreshadowing that you’re not meant to pick up on the first time around. But when an arc begins with a thought like this--”I don’t actually know much about Ruka’s family”--then you should keep it in mind for later, especially when such importance is placed on it. Gakuen Alice is, for the most part, pretty well-written, and most arcs begin with foreshadowing like this, which is very fun to track. These hints help us figure out what the central themes of the arc are and why they’re important. The Reo Arc was important because Mikan made friends with people she previously disliked. The Z Arc was important because Mikan realized that her wish to be useful and “sacrifice something” is not as simple as she thought. And now, the Hanahime Den Arc is important because Mikan will completely uncover both Ruka and Natsume by the end of it.)

Mikan and friends are able to get their hands on Ruka’s post card, where they see his bizarre family as well as a holiday message from his mother, mentioning Natsume and a person named Aoi. Of course, the immediate focus is on Ruka’s beautiful foreign mother. But Mikan picks up on the mention of Natsume and wonders about who Aoi could be. All Mikan knows is that Ruka and Natsume came to the academy together. The details are still out of reach. See, Mikan is closer to Natsume, but she never stopped trying to figure him out. He’s still the king of mysteries, after all! Higuchi Tachibana said in Natsume’s character profile that solving his mystery was kind of like solving the general story’s mystery, which is part of the reason why this arc feels like a climax. Mikan’s little oblivious crush on Natsume only makes her curiosity about him more potent, which is why the message stands out to her so much. 

I love this page. It's uncomfortable, but still somehow manages to be the moment before a disaster.

But Natsume confiscates the letter and gives it back to Ruka, scolding Mikan for being rude because it’s not nice to take somebody’s postcard without permission (which is true!). Mikan feels guilty and uncomfortable (because he’s right!), so she tries to change the subject to something nicer, asking him innocently how many cards he got today. But the atmosphere only gets more tense. He stays silent but glares at her. He just leaves the room, slamming the door shut behind him and leaving an awkward vibe in his wake.

Mikan asks what just happened and Sumire is eager to fill her in with as much judgment as possible, beginning her scolding by saying “And you made such a fuss when it happened to you.” Natsume never gets any letters, not during the year and not even on New Year’s when everyone else does. The censors are always strict and it’s tough for anyone to get a letter sent or received, but Natsume is special: he has never gotten letters and never will. 

And Mikan remembers the “fuss” she had made, when Natsume told her that they were special cases, that they’d never get a letter and shouldn’t trust the teachers. Sumire says that if Mikan had thought a little about it, she could have figured it out before she ruined the mood and Mikan feels instantly guilty. 

She didn't mean to!!!

This moment is important for several reasons!

One is that we (and Mikan) can see that even though Mikan is like Natsume in some ways, his struggle at the school is different from hers. He’s singled out just a bit more (for now). This creates curiosity in us (and Mikan) about what exactly his circumstances are and why it has to be this way.

Second is that this is the second time now that Mikan has hurt Natsume’s feelings (that she’s aware of). The first time was when she refused to dance with him at the culture fest afterparty, when she realized that she was just taking her anger out on him. But it’s more than that this time, because Mikan didn’t mean to be hurtful. She was curious and acting on her curiosity and accidentally pressed the wrong button. She feels awful because she didn’t think before speaking. This (in regards to Natsume) will be important in the future, particularly in the Sports Festival Arc, which is why I’m emphasizing it now. This instance is small-scale, but still important. What matters is that Mikan feels bad that she wasn’t more considerate.

And the third reason is to give Mikan some birthday angst!

Anyway, the biggest take-away to get is that Mikan is guilty because she hurt Natsume’s feelings, even if she didn’t mean to, because she was thoughtless. She wanders around outside, consumed by guilt and cajoling herself for being insensitive, especially after she’d gone through similar troubles. She runs into Narumi, who is only the second person to remember her birthday, spurring her into sobbing. 

Poor Mikan! That's my favorite thing to say.

Mikan is a child--still, after everything that happened to her--so she is simultaneously happy that he remembered, sad that nobody else did, and convinced that she doesn’t deserve birthday wishes. It’s a confusing cocktail of emotions. It’s only logical that she cries about it. She also misses her Jii-chan, which makes her cry more. She tells Narumi what happened with the ESP at the Christmas Ball, asking again why she’s being singled out. She admits that she causes problems and is concerned about being punished for it. 

I feel like I’m repeating myself but whatever: Mikan may seem carefree and cheerful on the outside, but she keeps a lot of her worries inside. She never stopped worrying about the encounter at the Christmas Ball, even if she stopped talking about it as much. She never asked any questions about “that woman” or the mysterious teacher with the same alice as her, and yet she clearly has the feeling that they’re tied to her somehow. She still worries deep down about Natsume and his alice shape, even if she tries not to think about it. She definitely doesn't want to want to think about her feelings for Natsume or romance in general. Mikan isn’t a character who doesn’t or can’t worry; she’s a character who chooses not to, especially in front of others. When she’s alone, or feeling vulnerable, like now, she does express concern. This encounter with the ESP is really weighing on her, despite all her smiles and cheer.

But Narumi attempts to comfort her, not by addressing her concerns (because he can’t right now), but by telling her not to worry, because he will always protect her. Mikan is moved by this and quickly recovers her mood, blushing and smiling again. She tells Narumi that she loves him. He responds that he loves her too, more than anyone, which she knows is a lie. She laughs about that for a moment, as well as pondering how one of Narumi’s hands is warmer than the other, but Mikan’s mood has genuinely lifted. 

She loves so many people! She just doesn't like to think about how she loves one particular person...

She shouldn’t be scared because she has all of her friends with her, standing by her side. She has people she loves, who love her too. Whatever issues she faces in the future, she won’t be facing them alone.

She overhears her friends calling for her, expressing worry and concern for her, as well as voicing remorse for pretending not to know it was her birthday (which was all Hotaru’s idea… for some cold reason). She has a surprise party waiting for her, so she is able to smile and rejoin her friends again. 

The New Year may have started chaotically, but she hopes that the year will be great, just like last year--and that the next few years will be great too!

Ha. Ha…

We call this foreshadowing too, but when you’re first reading it might seem like just words on the page to wrap up the chapter. It’s not really that meaningful until you reread, when you realize that Mikan’s year will be difficult and painful, that she will be darkly traumatized. And that the years that follow will have her stripped of her memories. It’s foreshadowing in that Mikan makes a wish, and it won’t come true. 

I love foreshadowing!!

(We will ignore Mikan refusing to let herself be sad. Her insistence on finding a silver lining despite how dark things become does not cancel out how terrible the upcoming year will be for her, starting with today and tomorrow.)

Chapter Fifty-Four

Mikan’s finally having a party with all her friends. She would be entirely content, if not for the fact that she still hasn’t reconciled with Natsume after hurting his feelings. He’s still sulking, Mikan is still guilty, and thus the party has a minor hiccup. 

But the biggest distraction is when Hotaru gets personally invited to the Flower Garden Association Party. Tsubasa and Misaki visit before we can focus too much on that and suddenly the whole gang is making mochi.

Natsume seems to be the only one abstaining from the activity. Everyone else is making up their own mochi recipe--some better than others. For example, Ruka’s seems to be a big hit that the others covet, while Mikan’s is a bizarre monstrosity.

During the exam chapter, Mikan announces proudly that she loves cooking, and I believe her. Where Yuka is a terrible cook at all the basics, burning food, Mikan is happy to cook! But the combinations she puts together are so ridiculous that there’s no way they could turn out tasty. For example, today she has prepared bean broth with orange mochi. Now I know very little about Japanese flavor profiles, but that sounds horrible, especially compared to Ruka’s or Sumire’s. Based on all the other characters’ reactions to her mochi, it can be deduced that those flavors do not mesh well.  She is perhaps too creative.

As they prepare to eat, Mikan sees Sumire offer some mochi to Natsume and then gets the idea that she should too, offering her terrible mochi to him as an attempted apology for speaking insensitively before. 

She loves him so much I'm going to cry.

But the thing is that it’s hard to apologize to Natsume. Mikan always has trouble when there’s something important to discuss between them, especially when the tone is so serious. At the afterparty, she couldn’t admit that she had taken her anger out on Natsume when he hadn’t really done anything. During the Z Arc, Mikan struggled to say that Natsume was ignoring her in particular, because it felt too uncomfortable, putting herself on the line like that. Later, at the lake, she couldn’t fully complete her sentence that she wanted to give him her alice stone because she feared rejection. This is one more example of a similar issue: apologizing to Natsume, or even just implying that she cares about him or his feelings, is tough for her to do.

So she doesn’t apologize. She just stands there, trying to get the words out, until she gives up, leaving her bowl there and taking off. Things with Natsume are always awkward for some reason (because Natsume is different!) so even though she feels genuine guilt and really wants to make up, actually taking that step in vulnerability is difficult for her. She’s nervous how he’ll react, more so than with anybody else.

Misaki is able to explain all she can about the mysterious organization that has invited Hotaru. At the beginning of the last chapter, we got a breakdown of the three divisions and the vibes they give off: the elementary school is childish and impulsive, the middle school is a breeding ground for gossip, and the high school feels like a secret society. Though the entire school is mysterious, the middle school seems to be the most mysterious, with its bizarre headmistress and the countless rumors. If you pay attention while reading GA, you’ll notice that the phrase, “I heard there was a rumor in the middle school division” tends to be the precursor for the sharing of gossip. All rumors seem to have roots in the middle school. Thus it makes sense that it’s Misaki sharing the information now. Not only is she in the division and would therefore know a little bit more about her own headmistress than the elementary schoolers, but she is part of the gossipy school. 

In any case, the organization is like a harem of pretty girls, a grouping of the most impressive girls in the academy, so it makes perfect sense that Hotaru, a genius with a unique alice and a beautiful face, would be selected. Hotaru only becomes interested when she finds out the flower princesses get special treatment. But there are terrible rumors about the middle school principal and her flower princesses, that the principal locks away her favorite girls, that the position of flower princess is nothing more than a status symbol. And yet, despite all of Misaki’s warnings, the elementary girls all want the jewel ball that goes to a random girl that will allow them to attend the party. 

It’s fun to see all the girls be a little shallow. We know Mikan is already, that Hotaru has a fondness for all things glamorous and expensive, and that Sumire has a shallow affinity for the cutest boys in class despite their sketchy personalities. But all of the girls are focused on the shallow status symbol party now, entirely unmoved by the creepy rumors. They truly are children. Sniffle.

The desperate search for the jewel is interrupted when all the kids start flinging across the room towards each other, sticking like magnets. Anna and Nonoko, Koko and Kitsu, Hotaru and Youichi with Ruka, and Natsume and Mikan. Turns out they’re all stuck together because of a prank Tsubasa played, where he put a prank mochi-mochi powder in the mochi, so any people who ate the same mochi would stick together. So Anna and Nonoko, as well as Koko and Kitsu, who probably willingly shared their mochi together, are stuck. Hotaru and Youichi stole bites of Ruka’s tantalizing mochi and that sadly means he’s stuck to both of them. And Mikan and Natsume…

Well, if they’re stuck together, then that must mean that Natsume actually ate her nasty-ass mochi! The page becomes sparkly and sweet as Mikan asks if he ate her broth after all. She doesn’t really need to ask. He wouldn’t be stuck to her if he hadn’t. He brushes it aside with a mean comment about having to choke it down, but it doesn’t matter. Mikan is still sparkly! Natsume ate her apology mochi! 

I love sparkly panels! I always pay attention to them!

She bickers with him about the flavor of the mochi, but she’s relieved, because they made up after all. Now Natsume is back to normal, which is what she’d been wanting all day. Now that it’s much less awkward, she’s able to actually say the words, “I’m sorry about the card thing earlier.” Now that the atmosphere seems less serious, it’s not as vulnerable for her to put herself out there and apologize. He’s already forgiven her, pretty much, so saying the words is easier.

Immediately after this, Mikan finds out that she got the prize jewel invitation! Which means she can go to the party with Hotaru! 

What I really love about this moment compared to some other books or movies with similar tropes, is that Mikan isn’t actually special enough to have earned this random invitation. In another manga or show, for example, the main character and her best friend might be invited because even though Mikan thinks of herself as stupid or plain, the truth is that she is very special and beautiful! She gets invited because there’s something about her!

But that’s not what happens here. Mikan being invited isn’t a coincidence and furthermore it doesn’t even have anything to do with Mikan. This is a plan to lure Natsume to the Hanahime Den dungeons, where he will have to be punished for his insubordination. If the MSP had any say in the matter, Mikan certainly wouldn’t have been invited (and it’s for this reason that Mikan is treated so cruelly at the party). In another show, Mikan and Hotaru going together would be a given, so much so that you’d roll your eyes at the contrivance (I’m saying this because I hate that kind of plot). But here, Mikan and Hotaru both being invited is suspicious, something that sets off alarms for Tsubasa and Misaki.

But it’s been an hour, so most people are becoming unstuck, except for the Ruka mochi gang, whose bodies have compatible body chemistries with the prank mochi-mochi powder, meaning they could be stuck for two to three days. 

Mikan is, like always, ?????????????

Natsume and Mikan do not have compatible body chemistries with the powder, so they become unstuck, except that Natsume grabs her hand and holds her still. The plot could easily benefit from Natsume and Mikan remaining stuck like the Ruka mochi gang, but instead, Natsume makes the choice to fake it. This is important because it makes Natsume’s behavior unusual and suspicious. He’s planning something. If they’d genuinely been stuck, then that suspicion might be missing, and it’s necessary for the next few chapters.

Chapter Fifty-Five

Mikan wants to be honest. She doesn’t want to be stuck to Natsume anymore! But he hurts her hand and insists that they’re still stuck. He turns to her for her to agree that they’re stuck and many unspoken threats are apparent. If she disagrees, he will hurt her somehow. So she agrees.

Ruh roh!

From Mikan’s POV, Natsume is being needlessly sadistic. He must be doing this to torture her because there isn’t any other clear reason why he’d go through all this trouble. The girls might not be able to go to the party, they can’t be parted enough to take baths, go to the bathroom, or sleep separately. Hotaru’s group is lucky to have her because she has pills and sprays to control their bathroom needs, but poor Mikan is being bullied by Natsume, who’s not even really stuck to her!

She hates being stuck to Natsume and she loudly says it to everybody who can hear. She bitterly muses that being stuck to Ruka would be much more pleasant because Ruka is nice. He wouldn’t insist on staying stuck for no reason, wouldn’t be angry when they go to the bathroom, wouldn’t be threatening her and ruining her birthday. All those happy sparkly feelings about Natsume eating her mochi are gone, replaced by bitter indignation. This is important too. We are in the Discovering Natsume Arc, after all, which means Mikan will have to learn more about him. Additionally, Mikan has and will continue to have misunderstandings about Natsume’s behavior, leading to hurt or anger when he genuinely doesn’t mean to hurt or anger her. 

We know from Natsume’s POV that this isn’t some fun prank for him. He doesn’t want to torture Mikan. He doesn’t even want to be stuck to her because he has feelings for her because, as we know, he’s already given up on that option. Instead, he wants to find his sister and this ruse is the only chance he has of getting into the girls-only Hanahime Den. 

And so Mikan will continue to misunderstand him, partly because he’s a mystery and partly because he tends to be dishonest on top of that. Keep this in mind for later.

For the moment, Mikan gets called out by Koko, who teases her by asking if that means she prefers Ruka to Natsume. She answers yes without thinking, only to realize what she’s said and start yelling at Koko not to meddle. 

That's nice, Mikan. Not that Natsume is being nice.

Mikan messes up a lot by being rash and impulsive, by saying or doing the first thing that pops into her head. She is so preoccupied currently by her own feelings that she doesn’t even think about how Ruka or Natsume will feel hearing something like that. Of course, anybody can answer a question too quickly without thinking and end up messing something up (like answering one question at work too honestly and then having the work offer rescinded as soon as you get home so you have to find a new job after only one day… sigh). Still, this is the second time today that Mikan hurts Natsume’s feelings because she’s too preoccupied with her own to think before she speaks.

In any case, they’re sleeping together in Natsume’s room. He is open to sleeping in her tiny bed if she prefers it, but the issue isn’t the bed, it’s who she’ll be sleeping with. He tells her he really doesn’t want to sleep with her either, which just pisses her off because this is all his choice! If he wants to sleep by himself all he has to do is let go of her!

But then he says, “I’m sorry for not being Ruka.” He’s very serious all of a sudden, and Mikan can’t be angry anymore because now she’s confused instead. He announces that the ruse will end tomorrow, and even though Mikan has no idea what he means by that, her anger has dissipated. 

They’re alone in the dark in a huge bed now. They can let go of each other’s hand. She muses about how much nicer his bed is than hers. He’s not doing anything weird. Sleeping with a boy is not as terrible as she’d assumed it would be. She asks him what his plan is, pointing out that she deserves to know if she’s going to go along with it. But he just tells her to go to bed without answering any questions. 

♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥♡ ♥

Natsume is mysterious for many reasons. He doesn’t talk a lot. When he does talk, it’s usually to insult or tease her. He seems to be involved with the shadier parts of the academy, but nobody is willing to tell her much about any of that. Additionally, all the real information she gets about him is second-hand. Misaki-sensei warns her about him being dangerous. Hotaru and Yuu tell her the rumors of him being a murderer. Ruka insists there’s more to him, that he hates his own alice. Reo is the one who spills that he works in black ops missions for the school. He rarely tells her anything about himself. Not before, not now, and not during this arc.

Natsume, as we know from his essay, would never willingly drag someone into his dark life by oversharing. Telling someone about his dark backstory would be out of character. Explaining to Mikan why he’s doing this whole act would be out of character.

But as a result, Mikan can’t help but misunderstand him. She’s the only one actually trying to fill the gap between them, despite his every effort to be as mean and rude as possible.

Mikan is wide awake and lonely. Natsume managed to fall asleep, which means she has nobody to talk to. She yearns to attend the party tomorrow and bitterly thinks it’ll all be Natsume’s fault if she doesn’t end up going. But again, for the tenth or twentieth time, her anger vanishes as soon as she hears Natsume groaning in distress. 

She will never care about any anger more than making sure that he's okay. He's more important than grudges.

During the Culture Fest, when Natsume faked being sick to get her down off her carpet, Mikan forgot her anger because the idea that Natsume could be in genuine danger concerned her. She distinctly worried about his potential alice shape and then acted upon it.

This is a similar situation, where Mikan can see that he’s having a terrible nightmare and even looks like he’s in pain. She wakes him up and is instantly relieved when his eyes open. She was so nervous that something serious was going on that she felt like she had to wake him up to check on him.

But then he pulls her closer into a hug and snuggles her.

She naturally starts freaking out. We already know that Mikan gets nervous whenever Natsume does anything remotely kind or gentle. Their nice, intimate dance during the Christmas Ball made her very nervous. The idea of kissing him freaked her out even more. And this is snuggling! Natsume definitely doesn’t seem like the type who would snuggle, and especially not her, and yet! She blushes and panics, but he tells her to shut up, which lets her know that he’s still awake. He tells her some confusing stuff about giving her back to Ruka after tomorrow--stuff that I’m sure she understands at least a little.

I genuinely think Mikan has an idea that Ruka has romantic feelings for her, as I’ve said before during the Christmas Ball. I think she has a semblance of an idea about it all, some level of understanding that she’s in a bit of a love triangle. I don’t think it’s a fully fleshed out thought because, as we know, Mikan doesn’t really like to linger on uncomfortable concepts. But she knows Ruka likes her. She cares for him too, although I’d argue not romantically, even if she doesn’t fully realize that. This situation is only confusing to her because she doesn’t know what she feels or why.

Doki doki!

But Mikan’s heart is racing, and even though he’s telling her to just shut up and be quiet, she still thinks he’s cute. She stops arguing pretty quick and does indeed keep still, blushing while her heart beats fast and loud in her chest. 

I don’t know if Mikan decided to hug him back before she fell asleep. She thought he was cute so it’s a possibility that she decided to snuggle him back. I mean, she kissed him back on Christmas, so it's a possibility! In any case, she’s definitely hugging him by the time they wake up, though Natsume seems to not remember any of that nonsense and instead accuses her of clinging to him. She’s very upset that she wasted her emotions on him, ashamed that she’d actually thought he might be cute.

Mikan may be our protagonist and occasional narrator, but she doesn’t actually reveal very much in her narration. If you’re reading and feel yourself getting confused, asking yourself, “What is she actually thinking right now?” then you’re not alone! Mikan doesn’t actually tell us very much. She doesn’t tell us what she thinks of Natsume kissing her, or about him snuggling her. All she ever seems to say is that she’s confused because she is. I think that, just like she’s nervous to voice her serious feelings to Natsume, she doesn’t want to admit it to herself (or us) either. She’s confused too, so she doesn’t always know what she’s thinking. Mikan is not nearly as upfront as she may seem. She needs to be analyzed too, just like Natsume. 

Cute! She snuggled him back!

See, Mikan only said (to us) she thought Natsume was a little cute after she got pissed off at him. She didn’t think anything clear in the moment. She only admits it (to us) when she’s upset to voice her shame. Thus, we have to connect some dots. Mikan acts a certain way when Natsume snuggles her, a similar way that she acted during their kiss--at first surprised and maybe a little panicky, until she settles down and maybe thinks he’s a little bit cute. It’s a victory for us that she’s willing to share even just this small crumb, admitting that she finds him cute at times, especially when he’s affectionate.

She’s such an enigma. Analyzing her is so much work. Anyway!

It turns out Mikan and Hotaru can attend the party after all, even with their male companions. The thing is, though, that they have to crossdress in order to gain entry.

Yet another plot element that might seem contrived or cheap until you realize this is a big conspiracy to lure Natsume into the dungeon where he’ll be trapped forever. 

Conclusion

Wow, that was so much emotional repression! It makes my head hurt. But we've wrapped up Mikan's birthday, so next time we'll talk about how the actual party goes (hint: not well).

I won't be posting for at least ten days, because my precious Zoe is coming home for Spring Break, so I'll be devoting those days to spending time with her. I'll still be here. Ask questions to your heart's content! I'll be back soon to continue the New Year's Arc!

I don't always listen to my NM playlists while writing/editing/formatting these posts. Maybe I listen to a specific album or an emo playlist. Or maybe I listen to a seven hour playlist featuring music from the precise time I was in middle school (why was it so eerily accurate, down to the years, to my specific experience? Creepy that it just randomly appeared on my recommended). Anyway the playlist still fits because I first found GA when I was in middle school so I associate it with this particular era.

<- Prev Next ->