#here’s to being even gayer and more annoying next year

[inkbirdie]

WE MADE IT KLAPOLLY NATION

[oroontheheels]

Daddy’s gonna be real honest with you kittens.

I’m disappointed with current Venom Run. Let me be real CLEAR here. I don’t hate it. I don’t have beef with its creator. So for a long period of time I was telling everyone “it’s a mess, but it’s better that Donnie Cates”.

But I think comparing them is not correct and let me explain why.

So Donnie Cates. Our boy. Extra edgy, made some terrifically BAD retcons, hated symbrock, tried to make Eddie Brock as trad as possible (giving him human son and all). Plus he ignored the fact that Sleeper was a child of Venom and Eddie. “nOt BioLoGiCalLy” Eddie’s but he called Eddie “father” and they both deeply cared about each other. So Donnie Cates couldn’t allow this either.

But! Donnie Cates while fighting the yaoi made the story ironically even more gayer. It was a train wreck but at the end of the day at least it was fun to laugh at this “closeted shipper” as I like to call him.

And most importantly? At the end they were still “Venom family”. All 4 of them. In Donnie Cates comics.

Now Al Ewing and Ram V… It was… ok. I like Dylan, I like Venom, I like Sleeper. I didn’t like that they “killed” Eddie right at the start of the story and sent him running solo trough time traveling shenanigans. I liked him interacting with Doctor Doom. I liked Meridus being gay with Kang and with that one old man.

But what I lacked is interactions between Venom and Eddie. They almost didn’t interact.

But like, okay. Let Eddie do his thing, let Venom singlemom it out. Also did I mention Ewing and V made Dylan Venom’s son? That was NICE. That’s I liked. A LOT.

And immideatly got my hops up.

Which was a mistake.

So the problem is where Donnie was closeted shipper, I’m starting to believe that Ewing and V don’t actually see Venom and Eddie as a romantic partnership. Or even all that important partnership.

If you check Spider Man Venom War comics, Venom talks A LOT about how much “Saint Peter”(Parker) means to him. It’s very gay very romantic very deep. But at the next pages it also downgraded Eddie role in Venoms life?? Venom is like “so yeah Peter taught me to save lives so I saved Eddie from offfing himself”. And that’s almost it. No emphasis on their bond, on Eddie’s feelings, of their bond. Almost nothing, really.

And now it’s Venom War and Venom says “wow Peter and I are sooo perfect, also it feels nice punching Eddie in the face”.

So what. Venom hates Eddie now? After all those years of forgiveness?? And it wasn’t elaborated in the slightest??

I would hate it but I WOULD understand if they wanted to make Parker new host for Venom for a while. But they don’t?? Apparently Al Ewing planing to give Venom new host (all of the candidates SUCK for the role btw). And if I understood one of his interviews correctly he want to send all the characters their separate ways.

Here’s the statement

Which annoyed me. A LOT. Like i understand that cis hetero males bring all the money to Marvel. We little faggots don’t bring so much cash. So our feelings and wants are not important. But isn’t there big ass FANDOM for symbrock? People who advertise comics for free with their art and activities?? Are we not important whatsoever? And on top of that wasn’t EVERYONE celebrating when Eddie got Venom back (in 2016)?? Don’t we all love homoerotic weird ass bond these two have??

And what does it even mean “yeah it’s been a while since Eddie and Venom have been together”. It wasn’t. Donnie Cates first made Venom into amnesiac DOG, then sent him into exile and then kept him and Eddie from having meaningful interaction until the very end of his run. Everyone who loves symbrock were STARVING.

And Al Ewing and Ram V story separated Eddie into his own story line.

And now Al Ewing tilling us “yeah it’s been too long, it’s time to move on”.

It’s like giving starving person a cup of water and saying “well now you are fed, let’s go on a 20km hike”.

“My work here is done” Tuxedo Mask meme

So like… yeah.

If they’ll make Sleeper a traitor this will be so bad. This will drop from 6/10 to 0/10 immediately.

Not looking forward to Venom future.

And the WORST part? I feel like they are pulling out “this relationship is toxic so it’s cancelled” card on symbrock. They never do that on hetero ships, but they happily destroy gay ships with that argument.

It sucks.

I hope I’m wrong. But like Venom gets new host this December. There’s not much room left to give us decent amount of Symbrock IF writers even want that.

[wagner-fell]

Spiders Are Ugly And Other Lies Capitalism Has Told Us (part one)

“Dad,” Astrid called out, shutting the coral coloured front door behind her. “Are you home?”

She dumped her cream tote bag spray painted with the words ‘Washing Machine Heart’ in big, rainbow letters onto one of the stools facing the granite countertop. The rest of the Merry Hoes followed suit. It was weird seeing a person as chaotic as Astrid in such a calm environment.

They were all spending the summer in LA with Astrid and her Dad. It had taken a while for Kevin to convince his family it was a good idea. Especially because he and Blessica had finally put years of pinning behind them. Making out on Kit’s bed at Mina’s third birthday party certainly wasn’t the way they had envisioned it but as the longing was over with, they were happy.

The Chu’s didn’t love the idea of their son living in a different country for three months with his girlfriend but we’re on board once Kevin assured them there was no possible way Blessica could get pregnant.

Kit wasn’t officially sleeping at the Yang’s but at the Institute with his boyfriend. Julian wasn’t so thrilled about the situation but Emma was. She was positively ecstatic about having a training partner as skilled as Kit was, courtesy of Jem and Tessa. Though staying a thirty minute drive away (on the wrong side of the road, Mari noted) wouldn’t keep Kit away for long. Even now he was with them instead of having his own reunion make out session.

Speaking of making out…

Mari rested their chin on the top of Astrid’s head and wrapped their arms around her middle. “Why don’t you show us your room while we wait for your dad to get home.”

It was kinda perfect, Mari often remarked, that she realized her feelings for their best friend weren’t so platonic as she previously led herself to believe at the same time they and Kit realized they were better off as just platonic.

Astrid hit her hand playfully. “That’s not fair!” she whined! ”How dare you take advantage of my constant hornyness when my God-fearing Presbyterian father could be in the next room? Shame! Shame on you, shame on your family, shame on your cow.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s ‘dishonor’”, said Kit, who didn’t even look up from his phone when he addressed her, “but go off I guess.”

Astrid looked like she was questioning all her life choices up to this point. “A white boy knows Mulan better than me.” She shook her head in disgust. Mari could feel the loose hairs of her girlfriend’s ponytail ticking her exposed collar bone. “Mulan.”

Mari laughed before softly brushing their lips against Astrid mop of bleached strands of pastel yellow, pink and blue mixed magnificently with her natural inky black.

“Is hornyness even a word?” Kevin wondered aloud as he observed the knickknacks placed at even intervals utop the kitchen cabinets. Blessica was with him. She was gazing at one of a crab steering a ship when she spotted a slim piece of paper taped below it.

“Ast,” she called. The both looked in her direction, despite Blessica needing the attention of one. “Your dad says he won’t be home till seven. Emergency at work.”

“Which leaves us more than enough time to pack and head over to meet Ty, Dru and Thaìs at the arcade,” said Kit. He finally turned his phone off and shoved it into the back pocket of his ripped jeans. “Marstrid can do the ol’ devil’s tango then catch up to us.”

‘Marstrid’ wrinkled their noses. “I thought we agreed on Astari, Christopher.”

“Astari sounds gayer,” confirmed Kevin, his eyes never leaving the miniature decorations.

“Not to be rude but why does Astari sound gayer?” asked a visibly confused Blessica.

“Because,” answered Mari, unraveling herself from Astrid to slide onto one of the bar stools and reaching into the Jolly Rancher jar, blindly searching for a green, “Astari has ‘star’ in it. Star equals astrology. An obsession with astrology is the price you pay for the gay agenda. Besides, Marstrid sounds like an old southern lady.” Then she furrowed her eyebrows and swiveled to face Astrid. “Southern is Texas, right?” Astrid nooded, a smile so big the Cheshire Cat would be jealous.

Without looking, she stuck her hand in the jar and pulled out a green apple flavoured hard candy on her first try. She held it out to Mari, who snatched it out of her hand with an angry huff.

“Hey, Ast, where do you guys keep the crisps?” asked Kevin when he finished inspecting all the knickknacks.

“Uh, under the barbecue sauce, I think.”

Kit’s eyes lit up. “So I’m sitting there”- Astrid understood what was happening in just enough time to quote- “barbecue sauce on my titties” in unison.

Mari put her head into their open palms, still sucking on the pity candy. “Why is this my type?”

“Are you sure this is the right place?” asked Blessica as Kit attempted to parallel park outside the location Ty had texted him to meet at. Key word, attempt. When Tessa had taught him to drive, he’d been such a disaster at parallel parking she had instructed him to ‘take the underground when tight spaces might be a possibility.’ Which he prided himself in doing. But this was America and the underground was called the subway, so, technically, no rules were being broken.

“Yes, Blessie, I’m certain.”

“Okay. Just checking cause a few turns back the GPS said-”

“Blessie!” He nearly crashed into the car in front of him.

“Right. Shutting up.”

When Kit managed to park with minimal damage and the three were about to exit, the voice of Nicki Minaj boomed from his pocket. Ty was calling him. He accepted the call, putting it on speaker.

“Hello Tiberius.” There was giggling from the other end of the line. A groan soon followed it.

“It’s been a year,” came the annoyed voice of Dru. “Get over your British kink already.” Kevin’s laughter echoed from the backseat.

“Hey Ty!

“Hi Kevin.”

”Hey Dru!”

“Fuck off.”

“Ouch. Why do you feel the need to hurt me so?” Blessica laughed.

“Hey…Thaìs?”

“Here,” replied Thaìs cheerfully.

“Are you here yet,” asked Ty.

“Uh, yeah! We were just getting out of the rental car when you called. You didn’t tell me it was going to be crowded. I had to parallel park!”

“What are you talking about?” interrupted Dru. ”There are only four cars in the parking lot.”

“But,” Ty countered, “there are lots of Billy’s Fun Zones’ around here. You guys must have got mixed up and taken a wrong turn. I could have sworn I sent you the correct location on GPS.” Maybe Ty said more on the subject but Kit could hear anything or see anything except the superior smirk Blessica was giving him.

He covered the speaker. “Not. A. Word.” And no word came out of her mouth the entire ride to the correct Billy’s Fun Zone but the ‘I told you so’ look on her face spoke loud enough.

Kit slid back into the booth next to Ty, handing him his pretzel. Ty kissed him on the check in gratitude.

Dru and Ty were right. About this one being empty. He told him he had heard about it from Alyssa. Her pack frequented it often. They were left alone because, well, there was no one else there to bother them.

“Where are Astrid and Mari?” he asked.

“Fucking. I think. Or maybe just making out. I’ll know which one when they finish.” When Ty gave him a puzzled look he continued, “Astrid describes it all to me in full detail. I honestly don’t know whether she doesn’t have a filter or she just needs someone to scream to about how amazing Mari is.”

“Why can’t it be both?”

“True, true.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Ty picked up the conversation again. “When Thaìs first met Astrid, she had a huge crush on her. They got along great. I always thought they would end up together. Or hook up at the very least.”

“Huh, that’s funny,” observed Kit.

“What is?”

“When me and Mari split, I was planning on trying to set them up with Thaìs. But then I caught her ans Astrid making out in a storage closet at school. Which, in hindsight, was pretty stupid cause they were in there so I wouldn’t be sad Mari moved on when I opened the door in the first place avoiding her to call you.”

“Hmmmm.”

The gears in Ty’s head were visibly turning. Kit loved watching this process. An idea was forming in his boyfriend’s genius mind, he could sense it.

“What is their stance on monogamy?” he asked finally.

“Um, fuck, hold on. Mari sent me this whole speech about it.” Kit scrolled through his phone at a rapid rate before he saw what he was looking for. He cleared his throat and began reading aloud.

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:52 AM: monogamy is just another lie capitalism has fed us

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:55 AM: like, for example, the notion that house spiders are ugly and to be feared

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:56 AM: it’s just to sell bug spray

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:56 AM: same with monogamy

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:56 AM: pointless!!!

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:58 AM: in conclusion, if I want to join a polyam cult, who tf is the government to stop me?

Kev-Kev, sent 2:01 AM: mari please go to sleep

Bless-ing_to_the_world, sent 2:04 AM: ^^^^^^^^^^^

Mitski_my_love, sent 2:05 AM: preach!

Mitski_my_love, sent 2:05 AM: go off queen

By the time Kit was finished with his dramatic reading, Ty’s plan was fully formed.

“That settles it! We are going to play matchmakers!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alyssa, Ty’s friend mentioned is @thechangeling OC, not mine.

@the-blackdale @the-wckd-powers @adoravel-fenomeno @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @illusions-give-reasons-to-live @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @sofiatheskeleton @cncnbr @its-taff @noah-herondale-lightwood @maxboythedog @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @book-dragon-not-worm sorry if I missed anyone LMK if you want to be added or removed from The tag List!!

[lucytara]

Bumbleby Big Bang: Nov 14-17

Almost to the end now, folks! Here’s your second-to-last roundup post for the Big Bang, in case you’ve missed any of the amazing fic and art posted this week. We’re so impressed with the work everyone’s put in for this event! 

Nov 6-9: Here Nov 10-13: Here

all the things you are

fic by @emocean-is-trash

art by @sympetali

When Blake Belladonna moves to Vale and starts attending Beacon Academy, she expects another lonely year of tedious studying and a lack of friends. That is, until she comes face to face with Yang Xiao Long; the ill-famed delinquent who screams danger but in all the right ways.

Through a series of improvised drum fills and complex rhythms, Yang introduces Blake to the world of jazz alongside a mutual appreciation for music. With Yang’s exceptional drumming chops and Blake’s background in classical piano, the two of them quickly form an unbreakable bond of friendship that could potentially lead to something more.

a tale of flowers and flames

fic by @jouretnuit-nightandday

art by @salsie

A few months ago, Princess Blake Belladonna ran away to join the White Fang, a group of bandits masquerading as rebels. When her worried parents ask renowned knight-errant Yang to find and discreetly retrieve the missing heir of the Kingdom of Menagerie, she accepts the quest with ease. But bringing a recalcitrant Blake home is harder than expected - especially when she has publicly challenged the leader of the White Fang…

The two of them embark on a journey across Remnant, and grow to care for one another in a way they never expected.

Rebound

fic by @empressofedge

art by @whisperingdrawings

Blake’s the new kid at Beacon High. Well known for her athletic abilities as a field hockey goalkeeper, the team is itching to get her to play after their star keeper is injured, but Blake’s not sure she wants to take the field again. That’s when Yang Xiao Long – a high scorer for the team – steps in. Compassionate and understanding, Blake hopes maybe she can help her find the love for her sport again. And maybe find love in each other along the way.

Seasons

fic by @jj-lives

art by @battlesnow36

Blake never believed in soulmates, the concept just didn't make sense to her. Was it the person's soul or their life experiences that made them a perfect match for her? What would it mean if major events forever changed who her soulmate was before they even met? If there are alternate versions of her soulmate for every season, how many will Blake have to meet, care for, and fall in love with before her soul recognizes its other half?

Two Bees in a Lighthouse

fic by @the-velociruby

art by @shrugpony

Spending her life traveling without any true purpose, Yang Xiao Long finds herself working as a lighthouse keeper off the coast of Scotland. Before she leaves, Yang finds a strange and ailing woman, taking her in to get her back to health. The mystery person, Blake, turns Yang’s reality on its head when she finds out Blake’s a selkie, a folk creature which takes the form of both human and seal. Told that someone forcibly stole her sealskin, Yang promises to help take it back even when the culprit comes up to her doorstep.

One day at a time

fic by @sodalayt

art by @starfishprime88

Who cares if Yang isn’t straight? Blake isn’t some uptight douche bag who can’t handle her photographer being gay, or bi, or anything she fucking wants. Hell, she’s working for Weiss Schnee, and you can’t get gayer than that. And it’s none of her business, who Yang sleeps with. She just can’t believe her new partner would get hit on not even an hour after she met her. Yeah, that’s it. That’s what annoys her. Blake only aims to blend in, to watch from afar. Her job requires discretion, only stepping out of the shadows when necessary, but Yang shines so brightly there are no shadows to hide in anymore. Blake feels exposed next to her, because of her.

And she fucking hates it.

Or

7 days trapped with Yang Xiao Long in Rio de Janeiro.

bluestockings

fic by @lightsaroundyourvanity

art by @cptdanvxrs

It's the end of the eighteenth century, and Blake is embarking on her grand tour, a rite of passage. She expects to find art, culture, music, and new worlds -- she never expects to find love.

Castaways 

fic by @rosykicksass

art by @foxaoxa

For Yang Xiao Long, Weiss Schnee and Ruby Rose; they wanted to go take a break, a vacation in celebration of achieving a new chapter in their lives.

Blake Belladonna, however, struggles to find the courage to face her past as well as her parents whom she has not contacted in several years.

Sun Wukong just wanted to see the world and snuck into a cruise ship with the crew none the wiser.

Now these five young adults found themselves marooned on a desolate island. Together they find ways to survive and must rely on each other until help arrives.

[wordstrings]

of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Written and submitted by @delicategoblin:

OK IM OFFICIALLY TERRIFIED BUT IVE EDITED THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF THIS AND I CANT FIND ANYTHING ELSE TO CHANGE SO UHHHHH HERE WE GO. uhhhh you don’t need to anonymize it I’m g with having my actual blog on here i’m just ,,, f r e a k i n g o u t . thank you again for this opportunity though cause i never would have done this otherwise,,,,also it’s kinda cringe i know but i’m fragile ok i needed the Bois being soft

Publisher’s note: The first official fic of I Fixed/Fic’d It: A Supernatural Fluffsgiving Event! I absolutely love this and it’s exactly what my heart needed.

Words: 1,700

—

of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Soft puffs of warm air blew onto his chest, it blew the fine hairs that grew there against their follicles. It was an annoying, tickling sensation that made it feel like there was a bug crawling on him. He didn’t move, though, or adjust the sleeping hunter in his arms. It served as a grounding sensation, a reminder that the warm body lying next to him was just that; warm, breathing, alive.

“I c’n feel you look’n at me weird.” Dean’s sleepy voice cut through the gentle silence that hung around them. One sleepy green eye cracked open and he shifted, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s bare torso tighter and burying his nose into his sternum.

“I was admiring you,” Castiel protested indignantly and smiled at the muffled embarrassed noise Dean made against him.

“Less admiring, more sleeping.” He grumbled, and pressed a placating kiss to Cas’s throat. Castiel let out a contented hum and let his fingers glide up Dean’s muscled back, feather-light, and up to the nape of his neck.

“Quit it.” Dean shuddered and fell back onto the mattress with a bleary-eyed glare. Castiel shifted onto his side and smoothed his thumb over the crease in Dean’s forehead that resulted from his affronted expression. Dean didn’t comply with his silent request, and it was Cas’s turn to frown. He leaned down and pressed a tiny chaste kiss to the wrinkle, Dean just shied away and huffed.

“Dean,” Castiel squinted at the stubborn man beside him, who stuck his tongue out and made a point to draw his eyebrows even further - the crease became more prominent. Cas could almost laugh, but this was a challenge. A challenge he didn’t intend to back down from.

“Cas,” He mocked, pulling a face.

Oh, so that’s how it was.

Gears in Castiel’s head were turning, but before they could even quite slot into place, he was on top of Dean, pinning him to the mattress with his weight. Dean’s eyes widened, no longer half-shut with the remnants of sleep, and he sucked in a breath. Pupils blown wide, and Castiel grinned. Dean had a very wrong idea of what was about to happen.

“Dean, you’re very stubborn.”

Dean smirked and waggled his eyebrows, before quickly returning to his previous expression, complete with his arms crossed across his chest.

“Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?”

Castiel hummed as if he were deep in thought, tracing his index finger from Dean’s collarbone to his sternum. Dean cringed and pushed himself back into the mattress.

“Me? Well, I’m going to knock you down a peg or two, in a manner of speaking.” Castiel purred, resting all ten of his fingertips on his ribs, a salacious grin on his face.

“You, on the other hand,” He continued, gliding his hands down to rest at Dean’s sides. “You’re going to smile for me.”

Dean barely had time to swallow nervously before his senses were set alight by tingling, buzzing electricity. He bit his lip and squirmed, grappling with Castiel’s flitting hands.

“C-Cas, c-c’moHAH. Nonono, c’mohon man, this shit’s for kIDS.” His voice raised an octave when the ex-angel who was enjoying this way too much dug his infuriatingly skilled fingers into his tummy.

It took less than three minutes for Dean to be lost to laughter, punctured by the occasional ‘No!’ or ‘Cas!’ and things that were definitely not shrieks when his attacker got to a bad spot.

Cas, the bastard, was watching him with a big stupid smile on his face. It was so wide and genuine Dean couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad when he caught glimpses of his face amidst his thrashing.

“Cas! Cas, it’s like 4 am, stoho- nahaha CAHAHAS NOT THERE, YOUSONUVABIHIHITCH.” Dean cackled and threw his head back with laughter as Castiel’s hands shot into his armpits, he convulsed and clamped his arms down as hard as he could. Nothing could deter Cas’s determined digits.

When Dean’s breathing started sounding labored, Castiel retreated his hands and took to scritching at Dean’s lower belly. Tickling there, just above his waist-band, was the closest thing to giggling he thought Dean Winchester was capable of. His other hand, bored and itching to roam the squirming body beneath him, cupped Dean’s other side and stroked the skin there. There was another layer of squirming away added to Dean’s half-hearted struggle.

“Caaaas, quihihit playing with my chubby spots.” He whined through bubbling laughter. It was innocent enough, but Castiel knew this man well enough to tell the difference between a joke and genuine insecurity.

Castiel pursed his lips and abandoned his tickling, leaning forward to kiss the panting, red-faced mess. Dean was enthusiastic, cupping the back of Castiel’s head, meeting his kiss sloppily with an open mouth and obscene smacking sounds.

When Castiel pulled away, Dean’s hand kept him there; their faces just inches apart, noses brushing.

“You’re the single most beautiful creature in all of creation, Dean Winchester. Inside and out.” Castiel said firmly, cupping Dean’s jaw reverently and looking into his lover’s wide eyes. A faint blush dusted Dean’s cheeks and he dropped his gaze, shrugging, and grumbling. Cas used his hand to nudge Dean’s face back up and pressed kiss after kiss to Dean’s face. His forehead, each eyelid, his nose, his top, and bottom lip, and his chin.

“I’ve seen stars born,” Castiel murmured against his jaw, pressing another kiss to the stubbled skin.

“Galaxies formed,” Another kiss, this time to his neck, then his collarbone, then his sternum.

“Supernovas,” His chest, right over his heart.

“I witnessed the creation of the very first life forms,” His ribs.

“I’m older than time, older than this world, than the universe.” His diaphragm, his stomach, his hip.

“It’s you, Dean. Nothing I’ve ever seen, ever experienced, could ever hold a candle to you. I just wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

Dean sat completely still, watching Cas with twinkling eyes, he swallowed thickly and made to sit up, Cas climbed off him and Dean leaned forward, resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder.

“You mean that?” He whispered, taking Castiel’s hand and fiddling with his fingers. Castiel smiled and pressed a kiss to the crown of Dean’s head, nodding.

“Yes, Dean. I mean it.”

Castiel could hear the quiver in his breath when Dean inhaled deeply.

“That’s pretty gay, man.” He said shakily, pulling away from Castiel with a wobbly smile on his face.

“That it is. I’d venture to say what I’m about to say is gayer, though; I think your smile is especially beautiful. And your laugh.” Castiel added with a sly smile. Dean was quicker on the uptake, though, and before Cas could follow through on his plan, he found himself pinned to the mattress. Staring down a disgruntled Dean, who wasted no time in reaching behind him and kneading Castiel’s thighs.

He howled with laughter and grabbed blindly at Dean’s arms.

“DEAN! DEAN, STOHOHOP!” He bucked underneath the grinning man.

“You started it! And you were about to ambush me again.” He feigned offense, his words spoken around a laugh. His hands converged on Cas’s ribs and dug into the giggle-shriek-inducing spots between each bone.

Expertly, Dean took Castiel apart. Fingers seasoned with years of big-brother experience. His goal was to just tire Cas out to the point he wouldn’t be able to re-retaliate. Ten fingers scribbled across his belly and Cas was lost to giggles that Dean would never tire of hearing.

“Deheheannn, nahaha I’m sohOHORY!” He barely managed around an honest to god squeal that left his mouth when one of Dean’s curious fingers wiggled into his bellybutton.

“See, I just don’t think that’s true.” Dean tutted.

He could have continued on forever, sweet laughter and adorable attempts at an escape or a plea. But, now that Cas was human and oxygen was kind of a necessity, he made the mature decision (what can he say, falling in love changed him) to stop. He pulled away with a parting raspberry to the side of Cas’s neck, which made him shriek and jackknife under him.

“I didn’t bring you back from super hell just so you could tickle the shit out of me, you know,” Dean said, poking his hip. Cas flinched and rubbed a hand over his face, residual giggles still tumbling out of his mouth. He sighed and parted his fingers, peering up at Dean.

“Why did you bring me back, then?” He challenged. Dean glared down at him, but his gaze held no heat. Maybe some exasperation.

“You know why.”

Castiel pulled his hands away from his face and shrugged innocently.

“I don’t, actually.”

“I told you,” Dean huffed. Don’t ask why he was allowing himself to be swept up into Cas’s little game - maybe he liked it. Or maybe he felt guilty still.

“You told me lots of things - through wailing sobs, so it was hard to understand at times. Here; I’ll even make it easy for you. I love you…”

“I know,” Dean replied in a mocking, honeyed tone as he flopped back onto the mattress, pointedly shutting his eyes. Castiel let out a long-suffering sigh and lay back next to him, body curved around Dean’s; a perfect fit, like pieces of a puzzle slotting together. It was a shame Dean was being too much of a man-baby for Castiel to properly enjoy their compatibility and closeness at the moment.

“You’re impossible,” Cas murmured into the skin of Dean’s shoulder, reaching over to pinch at Dean’s waist. He curled away with a squeak that made Cas’s heart swell and grabbed his hands.

“No more tickling,” He pouted. The other man smiled fondly and pressed a kiss to Dean’s temple.

“No more tickling.” He agreed, nodding solemnly.

Then it was quiet again, peaceful. The soft sounds of Dean’s breaths were in sync with his own - the feeling of his heart beating was still alien to him, even though it wasn’t something he noted often.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said quietly, fingering a mindless pattern on Castiel’s bicep, “I do. Love you, I mean.”

Castiel smiled and pressed his thumb gently into the give of Dean’s thigh, reveling in the softness, the warmth.

“I know.”

[aowyn]

hiii alright same shl anon here, i've been a little busy but i've managed to watch another 11 episodes since so i'm back with an update!!

but first of all how're you doing, how was your day? 💜 and to replying to what you wrote: I KNOW SAME they really are the softest omg and alright that's fair honestly who wouldn't?? and a gifset would be amazing i'd be honoured (pun unintended), give me another few days to finish it and i'll request something officially because i just know if i requested something now i'd find twenty more new favourite scenes i'd love to see :D but until then thank you so much and i'm glad i'm not being too annoying asdfhdjs because at this rate i don't think i'll be shutting up about this show anytime soon—

anyways i'm loving it so much honestly i keep watching an episode and thinking alright this is going to be my favourite one it can't get any better and then it does!!! i'm up to episode 21 rn and the amount of hugging and hand touching in the last couple of episodes oh my god?? also i'm obsessed with how they just have these really dramatic break ups every few days and the next day or in some cases in the next hour they're already back together and even closer and more romantic than before they're SO in love and the way wkx always reminds zzs that all he wants is for them to retire together and calls zcl their child and is more than happy to sit back and watch the martial arts world annihilate itself but the moment anyone dares touch zzs or their kid he's right there beside them to protect them i just [sobs] and the scene with long que where wkx is shaking and crying and zzs is just there holding him and the whole thing is so tender and i don't remember the exact line but when he says something to long que about how having a friend like that you can have no regrets even in death and looks at wkx god these episodes are amazing also ye bai yi calling them out on flirting while zcl thought they were dead jsjdndj i have no idea how they got away with that but it was hilarious i love their dynamics with yby so much he tries so hard to pretend he's Very Serious but the moment wkx is there the two of them are like actual five year olds— also also the costumes are so beautiful *cough* especially wkx's ones (can you tell i'm in love with him??) i mean the reds and that green one he wore in episode 11 and now the purple one aaaa and also a more technical sidenote but the theme song is so beautiful i usually skip the intros but it's been stuck in my head since i started watching it and i still can't get enough of it!!

this is already so long i'm so sorry but one last thing since i'm curious to hear your opinions, i was wondering what you thought of the other characters/who your favourites are apart from zzs??

OMG HI ANON so sorry it took so long for me to respond to this!!

my day was wonderful! i recorded and edited a bunch of podfic and made a gifset and watched a cheesy romance film with my housemates and reread the first chapter of an old favorite manga! (setsuna graffiti by kino hinoki! super cute found family pyrotechnics business story) how was your day anon?? (also i'll be tagging your asks with #shl anon from now on and will backtag your previous ask! unless you'd prefer to be called something different!)

i keep watching an episode and thinking alright this is going to be my favourite one it can't get any better and then it does!!!

I KNOW RIGHT! i watched shl as it was airing starting from like episode 8? i think is what episodes were available with eng sub when i started watching. and every day it was like ok this can't get any gayer. wenzhou cannot get any sweeter and more in love. anD THEN EVERY EPISODE IT DID. honestly it felt like it did when yuri on ice was airing in like 2016 and everyone was like there's no way this is one upping itself every week and then it did hgjgfhjgkj

also i'm obsessed with how they just have these really dramatic break ups every few days and the next day or in some cases in the next hour they're already back together and even closer and more romantic than before they're SO in love and the way wkx always reminds zzs that all he wants is for them to retire together and calls zcl their child and is more than happy to sit back and watch the martial arts world annihilate itself but the moment anyone dares touch zzs or their kid he's right there beside them to protect them

THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! sometimes a family is two murderdads and their gaggle of adopted teenagers!!! i really like how soft shl!wenzhou are. in tyk they're both much more like, less dad more murder? or i guess like they're still dad but theyre also much more jaded and snarky and i adore tyk!wenzhou too but it felt like shl rounded out their harder edges.

i love their dynamics with yby so much he tries so hard to pretend he's Very Serious but the moment wkx is there the two of them are like actual five year olds

I KNOW RIGHT their dynamic with yby is my FAVORITE thing! idk if you've seen nirvana in fire but i really want to write a crackfic where yby and lin chen bond over bullying all the dumb kids (wenzhou, mei changsu, etc) in their care. there's this (https://twitter.com/niebraids/status/1383869721846579210?s=20) one wenzhou + yby fanart that lives in my brain rent free. gosh. yby ilysm dude. i live vicariously through yby making wen kexing behave like a child gfjhgkjhlk

i was wondering what you thought of the other characters/who your favourites are apart from zzs??

this is a great question! all of the fics i've written for shl have been zhou zishu pov because i'm fascinated with his mind and choices and am also in love with him but that's beside the point XD dude really said i'm ready to die but this guy who's been following me around and flirting with me won't leave me alone and we feel like two sides of the same coin so oh no i gotta live now i guess!

but hmmm aside from zzs that's a difficult question! lately i've been really interested in reading stories that are liu qianqiao centered? there arent nearly enough fics about the women of shan he ling (guess i gotta write some!), but she especially really draws my mind. i kind of want to write a fic from her perspective about what life is like in ghost valley.

have you watched any more of shl? what thoughts have you had post ep 21???

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Prologue

You know, I didn’t think this would happen. I didn’t go into bingeing the 2020 renewal of Animaniacs with the thought “I’m going to watch this and then go and watch the original Pinky and the Brain shorts and spin-off show and do a rewatch and loose analysis on the whole franchise with special attention on queer subtext and themes”. What I initially set out to do was simply watch the renewal and see if it lived up to the show I watched pretty regularly as a kid in the 90s…or at least what I remembered of it through the haze of decades worth of time.

Pinky and the Brain was my favorite set-up on Animaniacs back in the day. Back then I probably wouldn’t even have been able to tell you why beyond “I think it’s funny and the characters are fun to watch as they screw up trying to take over the world”. Other segments were funny to me back in the day, too. Slappy the squirrel was great in that she was basically just like the classic, near-timeless Looney Toons a la Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, but as an old lady toon who’s seen it all and tries to relate to the changing world while proving that the ol’ slapstick ways still work. The Goodfeathers were entertaining despite the fact that I was a literal child and didn’t even know that it was a big ol’ spoof of Goodfellas. Hell, I’ve still never seen Goodfellas, but three pigeons trying to carry themselves like macho tough guy mafia folks while being goddamn pigeons is still funny with or without that context. And as for the Warner siblings themselves? Their skits were pretty consistently great as well. Lots of that Bugs Bunny-like energy of putting terrible folks in their place when they annoy you while coupling it with the dynamic of three child siblings who are very, very active and much too clever for the average person. It was fun!

But as I watched the 2020 reboot with its stripped-down cast now largely consisting of just the Warner siblings and Pinky and the Brain segments for the season (And I’ll be honest, some of the segments from the 90s like Katie Kaboom, Buttons and Mindy, and the Hip-Hippos are ones I’ll be happy to never have return because they were godawful even back then), it brought into focus the strength of those segments compared to most of the others from the old 90s line-up: The strong dynamic and chemistry of the relationships between the main characters of those skits. The Warner siblings are a trio of kids who, despite being truly cut from the same wacky cloth as the most beloved of Looney Toon characters, also very much tap into a very realistic depiction of sibling relationships. Sure, they get on each other’s nerves sometimes. Sure, sometimes they have disagreements on how they view a certain situation. At the end of the day, however, they care about each other more than anything else and work in such perfect sync despite differences in who they are individually.  Sure, Yakko is a talkative theater kid jackass who sasses back at the drop of a dime. Sure, Wakko is kinda quiet and spaced-out and he has the appetite of a garbage disposal. Sure, Dot is adorable and witty and loudly and proudly feminist with an oddly feral streak. But if any one of them is inconvenienced or picked on or threatened in any way by someone, even if that someone is a powerful celebrity of some sort? You bet your ass the other two will immediately back their sibling up and make their tormentor’s life a living hell for the next however long the skit lasts. They’re little gremlin children who love one another, and have a surprisingly tragic backstory that actually speaks to a lot of fans on several levels.

But, okay, the bond between the Warner siblings is great and fun. What about Pinky and the Brain? What makes their dynamic stand out?

Folks, that’s where things get a little more…interesting. To me, at least.

So, watching the beginning of the 2020 reboot got me to slowly remember the parts I loved about the Pinky and the Brain skits from Animaniacs…were actually from their spin-off show. And the things I remembered most clearly from the spin-off were the more heartwarming moments that showed how much they cared about and loved one another, despite Brain being exhausted by Pinky’s dimwitted antics at times. And for a supposedly continuity-light cartoon show, there was a surprising amount of consistency to the main duo and their motivations. There was even a handful of reoccurring side characters the audience was expected to recognize from past episodes, as well, which is a bit strange to have for a show that initially seemed to aim to be strictly episodic. I remembered the odd amount of depth there was to the series. Nothing groundbreaking, mind you, but definitely something more than the average comedy cartoon.

So after watching the first few episodes of the reboot, I took to Tumblr to see if anyone remembered the old 90s show and to see how they were reacting to the new one. In doing so, I came across this post:

“i love that ppl make jokes abt a pinky and the brain version of the destiel confession because that. already happened....... the only difference is that brain pulls pinky out of superhell instead of dying on a barn nail”

Now, look, I’ve never watched Supernatural and only know it through Tumblr cultural osmosis, and at the time we were all riding off the high of the madness that was the finale of that show and the fallout from it. But ANYWAY…

This piqued my interest because 1. I didn’t remember watching an episode of Pinky and the Brain where anything like that happened, and 2. I was already picking up strong gay vibes from the reboot only a few episodes in. So, basically, I just had to hunt down this episode to sate my curiosity and see for myself if there was subtext in this 90s cartoon that I hadn’t quite picked up on as a kid.

I found the episode and started watching it. “Wow,” I said to myself, “this is a lot gayer than I remember…” And after finishing the episode, memories came flooding back to me:

That time the Brain fell for a girl mouse that was looked and acted lot like Pinky.

All those moments where Pinky would wear drag to disguise himself as Brain’s significant other in one way or another to further their plans for that episode, and how I could never remember it being ridiculed.

That one time they accidentally had a child together via a science mishap.

The ending of the Christmas special!...

And as I sat there, dumbstruck and searching Tumblr’s tags to see how far this particular rabbit hole (mouse hole?) went, everything finally clicked in my little bisexual mind.

This was one of the big reasons as to why I loved the Pinky and the Brain skits so much above all the others on Animaniacs all those years ago when I was a kid. It was the same sort of thing that subconsciously drew me to many of the cartoons and anime and media in general I loved as a child, back before I had the proper knowledge and self-awareness to know or express it.

Looking back on my life, I’d always gravitated to and resonated the most with stories and media with queer content in text or subtext. And sure, this cartoon was/is no Sailor Moon or Revolutionary Girl Utena with explorations of gender roles and queerness. It’s no Steven Universe or She-Ra with out and proud queer characters. It’s no The Little Mermaid or The Happy Prince where the stories were made by queer authors and subtextually about queer experience.

However…

However…!

I was surprised to find how deep the gay subtext went with Pinky and the Brain. Hell, I still am. This little Warner Brothers, Looney Toons-pedigree, continuity-light show about two lab mice trying to take over the world in bizarre, hilarious ways has such a weirdly continuous, heartfelt, touching, engaging, and sometimes outrageously raunchy queer undercurrent to it. All done in the 90s! It’s kind of baffling.

This is not to say that the creators and writers of the shows deliberately set out to do this. I don’t believe that anyone involved sat down and said to themselves “I’m going to make this so fucking gay!”. Sure, the voice actors of both Pinky and the Brain have said that they played the dynamic with “the energy of an old gay couple” and they’ve said plenty of suggestive or outright not safe for work things in the character’s voices in interviews and at convention panels. I firmly believe that they’re just having fun as the characters, just as much as I believe the writers were probably just having fun and putting in the gay subtext and suggestive lines as a kind of long running joke and seeing how far they could take it.

(By the time of the Pinky and the Brain comics, however, I’m not so sure. Some of the stuff they got away with in those issues is…amazing, to say the least.)

Regardless of actual intent, I think the writers of Pinky and the Brain (both old and new), have accidentally created a sort of subtextual, yet pretty powerful love story. And you know what? I want to rewatch this story for myself and write down my thoughts as I go along. I tried something similar quite a while back with Droids, and while I kind of ran out of steam as my life got busier and never finished, I have time now for something like this.

I should also say that I’m not out here to, like, convert anyone into shipping cartoon mice together. I imagine most people see Pinky and the Brain as nothing other than very close friends, and that’s a completely valid viewpoint to have. I doubt there will ever be some sort of canonization of a gay relationship between the two, as I imagine most of the writers on the new show (and hell, on the old one) are heterosexual themselves and would view such an idea as “ruining the comedy and the dynamic of the characters” or something similar. I’ve been in the fandom game long enough to know better than to hope and expect any media to sincerely tackle queer relationships in stories that only have the subtext there, especially in comedies.

I guess I’m doing this more to explore something I loved as a child and to see if I can find just as much if not more enjoyment from it as an adult, albeit maybe for different reasons. Hell, it’s also an opportunity to peek into a kind of time capsule from the 90s regarding how far queer subtext could be pushed back then, even when heavily couched in comedy. This is just a little project I wanna do for fun in my spare time. And hey, maybe a few of you out there will have some fun reading it too, who knows?

Either way, see you sometime soon in the new year.

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

Communal 2018 Drarry Rec List

IT’S HERE, EVERYBODY!!! And it’s long! Thank you so so much to everyone who sent in their favorite fics written in 2018! To make this easier to navigate, I’ve created categories that make sense to me based on this collection of fics — obviously many fit into multiple categories, but I tried my best to place them accurately! I had so much fun looking through these and talking to everyone about their favorite fics, and I’m already super excited to do this again next year!! :D

Note that all recs were written by the person who submitted each fic, and they are in no particular order within their categories :) 

ENJOY! 

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EIGHTH YEAR

The Nightmare Club by Elle Gray / @diligent-thunder (85K)- Hermione and Ron are going back to Hogwarts to do N.E.W.T.s, Ginny isn't. Harry hasn't decided, until he has, in front of the Wizengamot and now he's responsible for Malfoy as well. A tale of enemies who learn to get along, get it wrong and get it on. Everything is purple, some things are on fire and no-one is sleeping properly. But don't worry, there's tea! Wishing you could curl up on a purple couch in an eighth year common room stocked with hundreds of varieties of tea and eavesdrop on our favorite Hogwarts kids as they attempt to adjust to a normal school year? If you love awkward miscommunications, snuggling, open minded acceptance, kind-hearted friends, and—of course—mutual pining, this fic is for you. 

Sex and The Art of Castle Maintenance by birdsofshore (15K)- "Come on, boys," Zabini drawled. "You’re only delaying the inevitable." Trouble always had a way of finding Harry, and eighth year was obviously going to be no exception. The antagonism, tension, and heat leaps off the screen, and I could NOT put this story down. 

To Hurt and Heal by @cassisluna (21.5K)- They say that everybody who gets out of Azkaban comes out a little mad. After the war, Draco Malfoy spends three months in Azkaban. He just wants to go insane in peace, but Harry Potter finds that he, inexplicably, still can't leave Draco alone. I went into this expecting angst, but by the end I got Eighth Year fluff and a whole lot of eating breakfast. Can't say I didn't love it.

Orbit by HenryMercury (52.5K)- "The classical problem of celestial mechanics, perhaps of all Newtonian mechanics, involves the motion of one body about another under the influence of their mutual gravitation." *They don't like each other. They're not friends. There's not even a ceasefire of any sort because they're fighting as much as ever—but there's definitely something different about it. An added layer of self-awareness they don't dare identify, but which colours every Scared, Potter? and Do your worst; each You wouldn't dare and Then prove it. 8th year fic that does such a fabulous job of bringing Harry and Draco together, that makes their pairing so realistic, even non-drarry shippers would be able to see the appeal. 

Once Upon a Time by @fantom-ftnoise (12.5K)- This is the story of Hansel & Gretel - er, that is, Harry & Draco. A wonderful retelling of Hansel and Gretel, with amazing (and delightfully creepy) sensory descriptions, humour, nail-biting tension and a glorious happy ending. 

Eighteen Kisses by tigersilver (10K)- Harry is being targeted by a very determined and wily Malfoy, a Malfoy with sly hands and a sweet, sweet mouth. The story features adorably fluffy Draco and insanely flustered Harry, with chocolate and sweet kisses 

It takes 36 Questions to fall in love by @gnarf (14K)- After returning to Hogwarts for their 8th year, Harry and Draco can't seem to stop fighting, much to the irritation of staff and students alike. Their last fight escalated and Harry and Draco are forced to room together by a pretty angry Headmistress. They will have to stay in their new quarters until they overcome their differences. But it wouldn’t be McGonagall if she didn’t have a plan. To help them achieve this goal (and to save everyone else from going crazy because of them) she gave them a charmed parchment that will ask a series of personal questions. Over the next couple of days they'll learn much more about each other than they could ever have imagined. A precious they-finally-start-understand-eachother story that left me feeling fuzzy and happy 

Oblivious by lealamalfoy / @gregqoyle (17.5K)- Harry doesn't believe his Amortentia's scent is correct, and starts questioning the potion and his feelings. Of course Malfoy, of all people, is the one to answer these questions Harry's lack of communication with the female population and Draco's lack of communication with Harry is infuriating to new levels

Heart of Silver/Heart of Gold by @lettersbyelise (54.5K)- Draco Malfoy, a young demon specialising in school bullying, has lived hundreds of uneventful lives. Until his world is turned upside down by his newest assignment a few days before Christmas: to get rid of 8th year classmate Harry Potter, Defeater of Dark Lords and thorn in the side of all things evil. Trouble is, Draco’s world has been upside down for a while… ever since he started having very human feelings for a certain bespectacled Gryffindor. It’s a slow burn fic where Draco is a demon sent to torture and kill Harry buuuuut feelings are involved; also there’s a Niffler names Jeff and some very amusing Ron moments! 

AUROR(S) / CURSE BREAKER(S)

Ten Thousand Reasons Why Not by @lqtraintracks (8.5K)- Harry and Draco are stand-ins for the usual witch who gives the workplace harassment and sexual consent talk to the Auror trainees. Amazingly funny and sexy fic, featuring public UST, great dialogue and banter, and smut to die for.

Changeling by Obscurus343 (86K)- The assignment seems to be an excuse to get the Boy Who Lived away from the press for a while – Head Auror Savage is human, after all. But when they arrive to Barebone Castle, Aurors Potter and Malfoy realize that something sinister may indeed be going on. It's terrifying. It's cursed. It's some next level freaky shit that nobody can explain. But not to worry! Two lovestruck idiots are on the case. warm and funny, with a wonderfully crafted cast, spooky mystery and more handholding and cuddling than your heart can take

Cold Like Fire by @queenofthyme (12K)- Head Auror Harry Potter had no problem with mandatory consent training for his team. He’d actually been looking forward to it, that is, until he discovered who the teacher was. Now, he had no idea how he was going to get through the training without throwing a hex at Draco Malfoy. Or a punch. This fic is absolutely hilarious and full of so many wonderful drarry-y moments! 

The Partner, the Rival and the Very Big Case by oceaxe (24.5K)- When Harry and Nott are paired up to go undercover as fake boyfriends, Draco is disappointed not to get the assignment. It's just professional jealousy that's making him feel so upset. Obviously. He's engaged to be married to Astoria, after all.But when he walks in on Nott kissing Harry for 'practice' and has a wild magic outbreak, he starts to think that something else might be going on. Is Nott right? Is Draco a homophobe? Or is there... just possibly... another explanation? Funny as hell and sexy too, it features a Draco grappling with his attraction to Harry, his jealousy regarding him, and his own sexuality, when their partnership gets split up for a case. 

Cabin in the Forest by @justdrarryme (23K)- Of course Harry would get partnered with Malfoy when Ron leaves the Aurors, nothing in his life could ever be easy. What he hadn't counted on though were his feelings for the other man. Or, Harry and Draco get trapped in a Bundling Bed and are forced to work their shit out. The art that this fic is based on (by ano-ka-ba) is incredible, and the way these two get out of their predicament is hot as hell. 

Still Catch The Tide by @dwell-the-brave, art by Razielim and Apriicat (57K)- When a ravaged body is found on Blackpool beach front, newly partnered Aurors Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are sent to investigate. This is a make-or-break case for Harry - solve the case and not scare his partner away, or risk his career. But when another body appears, and another, this mystery goes far deeper than either of them could have imagined. from Big Bang, this Auror partners casefic has suspense, rich writing with a thread of melancholy, and gorgeous art.

In Our Blood by @secretsalex (38K)- Draco is an accomplished pure-blood curse breaker, and Harry is tasked with accompanying him on his latest job—cleaning up the Van Boer mansion, which has been under a devastating fertility curse for seven generations. reading this is like watching a gorgeously shot, terrifying horror film. Don't let that scare you off - it's compelling and will leave you thinking about it long after you close the tab. 

COMING OUT / LGBT+ THEMES

Little Compton Street (One Rainy Night in Soho) by @writcraft (65.5K)- Draco is lonely, Harry hates the press and it won’t stop raining in London. Harry discovers a magical street that’s close to disappearing forever and Draco realises he’s one rainy night in Soho away from finding everything he’s been searching for. This fic is a BEAUTIFUL ode to LGBT culture and community, and was so so moving in addition to being an extremely entertaining read with a great relationship between Harry and Draco

Rookie Moves by Elle Grey / @diligent-thunder (60K)- So the war's over and Harry's a Rookie Auror, and everything seems... fine? I mean, he's single, his life is mostly work and he hasn't been out in ages and he's tired and annoyed most of the time, and he should probably be a bit more social, but the last time he kissed a girl he had to Obliviate her... but that's normal, right? And then Robards throws him a file, yells at him a bit and he finds himself guarding Malfoy of all people, and maybe that little feeling in his gut he thought he'd disproved as indigestion once and for all.... maybe was something else. Something lots gayer. A tragically under appreciated coming out fic that legit made me laugh so hard I cried.

Around You Moves by ignatiustrout / @dracomalfoyofficial (29.5K)- Harry knew Draco was gay when he invited him to move in. He’s never had a problem with this. So why does he feel so weird about Draco bringing men home all of a sudden? a fabulous fic in which Harry thinks he’s homophobic when he hates seeing Draco with other men ... and then he realizes a few things about himself ;)

Harry Potter and the Bisexual Awakening by @writcraft (23K)- Harry is perfectly content being single, heterosexual and living in Godric's Hollow with his very clingy rescue dog, Snitch. When Draco Malfoy turns up on Harry's doorstep demanding that Harry teach him how to drive, things quickly become a lot more complicated. Funny, sharply-written and sexy, HPatBA has everything I love about reading drarry (snark and UST, fantastic prose, emotional connection and hot sex) but brings an awesome new perspective to coming out, in queer fic.

When You Kiss Me (What a Lovely Way to Burn) by @femmequixotic (22K)- A drag fairytale of New York in which Draco wears red lipstick and Potter can’t get enough A fantastic piece of writing that explores a genderqueer Draco, working at a drag club in New York, where he sees Harry for the first time in years. (note from chibi: THIS FIC IS SO BEAUTIFUL IT WILL GIVE YOU A SEXUAL AWAKENING AND I WANT TO HOLD IT CLOSE FOREVER)

DANCING/CLUBBING

Kill, Fuck, Marry by @lettersbyelise (12.5K)- Malfoy leans toward him with a baleful look. “I do believe Pansy Parkinson, my best friend, paid you to spend the evening with me. It’s my birthday, Potter. So you’re going to get off your Gryffindor arse, and you’re going to dance with me. I want to dance. I want to win. I want that bloody trophy on my shelf before the end of the night.” Harry and Draco unexpectedly meet again on Draco’s birthday, years after their last encounter. Incredulity, banter, witty conversation, gin and tonics and impromptu dancing ensue. It’s only natural, of course, that Draco would expect his birthday night to finish with a bang… Perfectly in-character dialogue and great heat during what starts as an awkward, unintended date between Draco and Harry.  Two Truths and all those Hidden Lies by @keyflight790 (7.5K)- It didn’t matter whether Draco knew about the Polyjuice or not; nor did it matter what face Harry deigned to hide behind in the club. Draco could spot Potter a mile away. Polyjuice could change his face. It could change the way his hair sat along his scalp, and the color of his eyes, and the shape of his lips. It could change his height and the way his muscles rippled beneath his shirt. It could change the swell of his arse, the length of his... Not that Draco was thinking of that. The fact that Draco can recognize Harry even without his awful glasses and stupid scar warms my heart every time. 

Brick by Brick by @agentmoppet (8K)- There’s something between the two of them, something that builds beneath the smoky lights of the club and grows stronger during midnight conversations held on a rooftop high above the streets of London. But Draco wants to wait. deals beautifully with consent and all the waiting the two men go through to build something that is not just sex. 

ANGST & HURT/COMFORT

Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered (154K)- Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him. “You’re crying over that fan fiction about the children again, aren’t you.” -my husband

I could be wrong, I could be ready by @harryromper (57.5K)- (...) Harry Potter left Britain after the war and didn’t look back. Ten years later, when Gringotts discovers a vault containing his parents’ belongings—including their badly spell-damaged wedding rings—he’s forced to face up to friends and family who’ve grown in ways he could never imagine, a wizarding London rebuilt beyond his expectations, and the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. And if that wasn’t enough, there’s the entirely unforeseen problem of Draco Malfoy. Featuring pureblood wizarding traditions, ancestral magic, open mic nights, marriage equality, a diner in Brooklyn, and the return of Fleamont Potter. I am like ......so overwhelmed by how this fic is so amazing like my goodness

Chocolate and Pastry by @agentmoppet, art by @anemonensblog (50.5K)- When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected. Harry is struggling with something, pushing it far down inside him where he doesn't have to acknowledge its existence. Draco starts to worry, and then he starts to care, and then... horribly... he starts to fall in love. Fake relationships are always fantastic, but this one just hits you right in the feels, and is so beautiful!!

Things You’ve Told Him All Along by thirdeyeblinkings (19K)- Anonymous fire calls, blind dates, awkward run-ins, and kissing in the d-a-r-k. But besides all that, a story about hiding, coming out, and starting over (and over). It is so wonderfully written with artist!Draco and it tackles mental health issues just beautifully.

you’ve got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass (20.5K)- When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want. He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try. This fic is wonderful and devastating and one of the best I’ve ever read. I think I cried 5 times while reading this but it’s worth it because it’s so beautifully written.

Antlers and Ivy by @violetclarity (19K)- The thing is, Draco has always known he wouldn’t be able to marry his soulmate. Finding out his soulmate is Harry Potter shouldn’t change anything. Or: soulmarks, a masquerade ball, and gratuitous use of The Daily Prophet as a plot device. A beautiful examination of the soulmate trope, filled with longing that made me ache and a resolution that made me want to cheer. 

That Which Marks You by @belleslettres-love (8K)- After the war, Harry is struggling… He knows his heart should be aching from the loss of his loved ones. Instead, he feels nothing. Draco feels everything… cold, hunger, pain from being forced out of the Wizarding world… forced to be a beggar—or worse—just to survive. When Harry sees Draco, shivering on a street corner, he knows one thing: Draco Malfoy is the only one who can make him feel. It starts with dark!Harry which is not my thing usually, but it devolves into cute relationship that we all love.

SLOW BURN

Charming Chocolates by @fantom-ftnoise (100.5K)- The summer following the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry Potter visited his parents' graves and disappeared in a mysterious attack. His wand was recovered but the trail soon went cold and the world moved on. Twelve years later, Remus Lupin discovers James Charming, of Charming Chocolates, a mute man with no memories before July of 1998. James Charming, father of identical twin boys and loving boyfriend to a Scottish Muggle named Monty, is ripped out of his comfortable life and forced to rediscover Hogwarts, magic, and a whole world of past memories. His Mind Healer helps him to balance his new life with his old memories. A rift is formed between James and Monty, and he finds himself wanting to spend more and more time with Healer Malfoy. Meanwhile, Auror Weasley tries to solve the mystery of who is out for Harry Potter's head before it's too late. A breathtaking, heart-warming, story that explores trauma, disability, dysfunctional relationships, family, bravery and love.

Nero su bianco by zuzallove (35K)- September 1997. Hogwarts is under the regime of Voldemort and the Carrows. Finding himself alienated by both his friends and his supposed enemies, Draco puts quill to parchment, and writes letters. He addresses them to the only person he can think of, as Hogwarts rapidly falls into chaos and ruin: Harry Potter. He goes to great lengths to ensure the letters are never discovered, and he’s pretty certain he’s done a great job. Until the day of his trial. Its heartbreakingly sad, beautiful and funny at the same time featuring Trial!Draco required to reveal his feelings/true self in front of the Wizengamot

It actually hurts by @parkkate (52K)- For years, Draco has tried to avoid Harry Potter. He just knows he’ll make a fool out of himself if they spent more than five minutes in a room together. Unfortunately, Potter suddenly seems intent on becoming Draco’s friend, but neither of them are prepared for the inevitable consequences... There is so much love and emotion in this, so much body-positivity and so much pining - it’s simply beautiful.

Never Grow a Wishbone by ShanaStoryteller (65K WIP)- She almost smiles, and true alarm starts to build in his chest. “I’m afraid I’m not here for something so small. Professor Roberts has resigned.” “Good,” Draco says honestly, “Would you like a list of suitable alternatives? I know a number of competent potions masters abroad, but then of course you’d have to hire another teacher to act as the Slytherin head. I’m afraid you’ve dried up all the half decent Slytherin Potions masters.” “Not all of them,” she says quietly. [...] a hogwarts professor au which consists of a lot of world building and lore

CREATURE FIC

Soup-pocalypse and the Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (104.5K)- Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria. This is a fantastic take on the classic creature fic, which plays into some Veela tropes and turns others on their heads; very funny and warm and realistic drarry, too. 

Hush, Darling by @magpiefngrl (23.5K)- Draco is in trouble. To get out of it he needs to seduce Harry Potter. One of the coolest, most original creature fics ever, featuring Draco as an Incubus who's tasked, under threat, with getting something from Harry -- who he makes the mistake of falling in love with. 

In The Red by @bixgirl1 (45.5K)- When Harry goes looking for a vampire at a Creature club, the second-to-last thing Harry expects is to find Malfoy working there. The last thing he expects is to fall in love with him. It's so beautifully written I gasped, so hot I died, and so damn good I'm going to reread it for years to come.

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE(S)

Tangiers by @magpiefngrl (4K)- The one where Harry and Draco are archaeologists, ex boyfriends and seeking the same priceless and possibly cursed object. Featuring a revolver, the spirits of dead monks and a bed they can hardly fit in. Adventurous, sexy and highly relatable, the AU of AUs, ladies and gentlemen, a masterfully crafted tale that feels simultaneously fantastical and down to earth, that includes a substantial backstory that left me wanting more, that presents a version of Harry and Draco that is incredibly true to the characters and kept me on my toes every second. 

Purple, Peach and Vibrant Green by @queenofthyme (3.5K)- Draco Malfoy has a waiter pretend to be his date to impress an ex. Of course, it helps when that waiter is exceedingly attractive and happens to be Harry Potter. Solid fic. 5/10. (note from chibi: @jadepresley is very rude to her friends but she actually loves this super cute fic and so will you) 

Men Who Love Dragons Too Much by fencer_x, art by @danasauurrr (479K)- [Extensive re-telling of Deathly Hallows] As in Half-blood Prince, Draco is charged by Voldemort with killing Dumbledore—only instead of trying to do his best with the challenge, he realizes he’s been set a futile task and focuses on finding a way to save both himself and his parents. He eventually decides to spend his sixth year studying Animagecraft, convinced it's his best shot at escaping the impossible situation he's found himself in. But just his luck, his Animagus form turns out to be a dragon, and a rather randy juvenile at that, intent on finding its mate: one Harry James Potter. from Big Bang, an inventive and unique story with Draco as a dragon animagus, and a retelling of Deathly Hallows. With art! 

Every Me and Every You by @bixgirl1 (69.5K)- Harry liked his life just fine, thankyouverymuch — so it was bad enough when a sly fairy cursed him to leap into alternate realities. But seeing Malfoy in all of them? Definitely way too much. And worse yet: needing the bastard's help to figure out how to get out of of it. It was a disaster waiting to happen, really. Well... probably. Fabulously written, stunningly complex and multi-layered, with sizzling tension between H/D, LEGILIMENCY SEX (and other hot, hot sex), inventively plotted, perfect in every single way.

survival is a talent by ShanaStoryteller (219K WIP)- In the middle of their second year, Draco and Harry discover they're soulmates and do their best to keep it a secret from everyone.Their best isn't perfect. a soulmate au that starts in 2nd year, when harry and draco find out that they’re soulmates - my favorite fic ever 

FAMILY / KID!FIC

All I Want For Christmas (Is For You To Stop Talking) by @femmequixotic and @noeeon (163K)- The Niffler's Garden is the most prestigious wizarding nursery school in England and has been for the last century or more. Harry Potter's boys are both enrolled as pupils at the Garden. When he volunteers to assist with the Yule pageant, he has no idea that he'll be working closely with another parent, Draco Malfoy. Although they haven't seen each other much since their own school days, Harry faults Malfoy for not being a hands-on dad to little Scorpius. Will the intense weeks of preparation fan the fires of enmity or something else entirely? This is the most perfect holiday fic ever with children and a pageant and amazing side characters and tons of lovely winter feels! 

Sunshine, Fresh Air, Telly, and Time by frnklymrshnkly (32.5K)- Immediately following the war, Andromeda and Harry must look after Teddy. But who will look after them? a wonderfully loving and bittersweet tale of Draco, Harry, and Narcissa living with Andromeda after the war—all raising Teddy as they grieve and heal together. 

Failed Application of Thought by RuArcher (67K)- Draco sighed, knowing he would live to regret his next words, “I’m willing to do anything it takes to get Scorpius the life he deserves, even if that means pretending to be madly in love with you, you intolerable buffoon.” This is a fabulous fake dating fic filled with all the feelings you could ever desire, and it has one of my favorite Dracos ever-- I just want to wrap him up and protect him and Scorpius forever! 

papa says harry potter helps people by jilliancares (10K)- Draco Malfoy is reintroduced into Harry's life when a little boy enters his shop, lost. The same little boy upends all his bookshelves, which Draco holds himself responsible for. It all kind of escalates from there. contains very adorable Scorpius moments, Harry running a book shop, and Draco and Harry slowly falling for each other. 

POST-HOGWARTS

Ynys Afallach (I will give my Love an Apple) by @femmequixotic and @noeeon (42.5K)- Professor Waverley Root's tutorial in the history of magical food is something of a legend at Flamel College. Draco Malfoy wants to apply it to his work in sustainable wizarding agriculture. Harry Potter's taking it for his interest in historical overlap between the magical and Muggle worlds in the West Country. When Root pairs them together, the fireworks (and the apples!) fly. Now if only they can find something original, perhaps they'll make it through to complete their degrees on time. Okay this fic is highly underrated and needs 5x the current kudos- it has university students!drarry, sexual tension out the roof, amazing use of arthurian legend, brilliant magical theory, and is just all around brilliant as fuck!!

Silver Soul by @dracoismytrashson (75K)- It's about a year after the war, and Draco is a bit of a London hipster working at a record store. Harry is lonely and confused about what to do with his life so hanging out with Draco and listening to shoegaze records to pass the time seems like a perfectly viable option. one of my favorite Draco in the Muggle world stories ever. Misunderstandings, softness, snarkiness, shoegaze. 

Tell Me the End at the Beginning by @harryromper (36.5K)- St Mungo’s is the last place anyone wants to spend the festive season. Harry finds himself there anyway. Or: Harry's an Auror suspended from duty, Malfoy's wearing the hell out of three-piece suits, Hermione is entirely over everything, and Kreacher just wants to be left alone to decorate for Christmas. Draco Malfoy wears three-piece suits. Like, if that's not enough to convince you, I don't know what is. 

Chasing Treacle Tart (and Draco Malfoy) by xErised (23K)- Malfoy, who is sentenced to work as a dinner lady in the Ministry canteen, has an annoying habit of withholding desserts from Harry. Harry puts up with it, but when Malfoy stops him from getting his beloved treacle tart, Harry is determined to do something about it. And Ron? He's really just there for the awkward flirting. This fic is funny, sexy, compelling, and just all around delightful :) 

Castle on the Hill by tsundanire/@breathofmine (1.5K)- Based on Ed Sheeran's "Castle on the Hill"Harry takes a "road trip" back to England after spending a few years in Romania working with dragons. It had been 10 years since Harry left, and the honest and pure relationship he built with Malfoy over letters is gorgeous. They both just hope that meeting again after all that time will be just as wonderful. (and it is) 

Highly (in)Compatible by @gracie137blogs (37.5K)- Draco’s been shagging The Prat Who Lived on and off for a few months when his soul mark starts to change. Draco’s had to accept a lot of adjustments to his life, but accepting that Harry Potter could be his soulmate is one step too far. It can’t be true? Can it? One of the best takes on soulmates I’ve read with excellent magical theory and an exploration of free will, and which includes a wonderful cast of characters and lots of humour and banter; Draco’s voice here is fantastic.

The Kitchen Thieves (and the Kitchen Herself) by @potteresque_ire (Pie) (67K)- In a deserted cottage miles away from Hogsmeade, two young spirits waited for a new owner to call the place home. One day, Auror Harry Potter bought the cottage. One evening, farm wizard Draco Malfoy showed up to spend the night with Harry...and steal a pepper shaker from the kitchen. Maybe Kate can tell you all about them? She’s the spirit who looks after the kitchen, and she’s got quite a bit to say… Pie took the sentient houses trope and ran with it; utterly unique fic, with incredible rich characterisations and an emotional arc that had me reading the last part through copious (happy) tears. 

SMUT

In the dark, the light by Phrynne (32K)- ‘Potter… It’s Malfoy. Do you still want this?’ It started like that. Malfoy’s breath on his ear, his voice low, hot against his skin. Harry shivered, though he could feel the heat from Malfoy’s body just behind him, too close, but not touching him. Even if he could. For the rest of the night, he could do whatever the hell he wanted with Harry. The best bdsm I’ve EVER read.

Whole New Kinds of Weather by @lower-east-side (2.5K)- She’s just as compelling as she’s ever been. Incredible UST, perfect dialogue, scorching, fabulous sex, and Draco as genderqueer: a fic not to be missed.

Kettle by @magpiefngrl (3.5K)- Draco likes to put up a fight. The most tender exploration of hardcore kink within a loving, committed relationship that I've ever read, and hot as hell, too.

In Deep by @lqtraintracks (9K)- Harry isn't sure when he went from hating Malfoy's snide, smug mouth to wanting that mouth all over his cock. Gorgeously hot exploration of BDSM kink in a new relationship that manages to be tender and sweet at the same time.

DEFIES CATEGORIZATION (by me at this time)

Love Him More by @bixgirl1 (17.5K)- A love story. Several of them, really. Delicate, bruising, and uplifting all at once. 

The Drarry Sestina by @julcheninred (<1K)- Sometimes I dream I’m bleeding from my scars... This gorgeously written poem took my breath away and left me haunted but ever hopeful for Draco and for the both of them 

Dwelling by aideomai (83.5K)- Curses, James and Lily Potter ride again, several Ministry balls, a teenage Summer of Love, a grim young adult dystopian winter, a few different Draco Malfoys, secrets and the problems re: not having any, alternate lives, impossible lives, real lives, allusions to Dirty Dancing, and just because it's not called the Mirror of Erised doesn't mean you shouldn't know better. The most mind-blowing fic I read this year, a story that allows the reader to see how much it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, besides giving us a delightful relationship development and some seriously hot moments, all wrapped in a glorious package of plot and overall awesomeness.

A Holiday in Provence by @dracoismytrashson (32K)- Harry Potter is turning 50 years old and feeling lonelier than ever. Divorced, retired, and learning he’s not quite as straight as he thought he was, Harry reluctantly accepts a birthday gift from his friends for a week’s stay at an idyllic French vineyard. Too bad Hermione and Ron neglected to mention that the owner of the winery happens to be a certain quick-witted blond Slytherin… The world-building and the dynamic between the characters in this is nothing short of magical. 

Memories of Draco Malfoy by ImmortalAcorn (14K)- “He had to live, I knew. Without him there would not be much to see. I guess the world would be just ashes and smoke and blood - that's at least how I imagined it. He had to live. Whatever it would take.” a series of short poems (I guess) about Draco and their relationship. There is another one, from Harrys perspective. They are short but perfect. Angst is real and sooooooo good.

‘Til Our Compass Stands Still by china_nightingale (9K)- "It was an unconventional relationship, if one could call it that. It was the way it had always been - bodies colliding while lips stayed closed, dueling and caressing and ripping one another open while hearts stayed locked safely behind cages covered in bruises from curses and kisses. There were never many words spoken. If they talked, chances were that ugly things would tumble from their tongues like they did so easily during their Hogwarts days." Harry and Draco eventually realise that things don't always go to plan, even if it's a plan they've been carefully crafting to keep themselves safe from each other. a little harsh and gritty, but so full of unspoken love <3 

Thank you again to everyone who contributed!!: @dracothecupcake @ebbet @keyflight790  @bixgirl1 @magpiefngrl @hogwartsfirebolt @amrame @bonzicatgirl @lillyevans @harryandhislittledragon @hermionejeangranger @lower-east-side @jadepresley @findingsilencetheymadelove @lqtraintracks @queendomcosplay @threeh plus several anons!  <3<3<3

I’ve done my best to tag all the writers whose tumblrs I could locate, but if I’ve missed anyone, please let me know so I can tag them!

[jawnjendes]

shawn meets... | bella

SUMMARY: in the life of a rockstar, shawn mendes comes across some unique people. sometimes, things stray from the norm. (AU, shawn x every one of my oc’s)

AN: hiiii this is somewhat of a continuation of my last series, goth gf. you dont HAVE to read it to know what's happening here, but there will be references to it every so often. if you've been here since the goth gf days then, hi. i appreciate you. enjoy this shit. let me know ur thots.

****let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!

bella's origin story | bella's playlist | masterlist

It felt awfully strange to be in Annalise's hometown, knowing she wouldn't be going home right away. The residential part of North Hollywood where her parents lived still felt like it was a million miles away. The glamorous Lyft Lux was going through the equally glamorous parts of the city, and it was almost mundane despite the fact that she had been away for over a year.

Shawn and his younger sister, Aaliyah, were frequently pointing out the exciting things they had only seen in photos and movies: the Chinese Theater, the Walk of Fame, the Hollywood sign. They were bundles of energy and excitement. Annalise was only jittery because she never fully processed that she lives in the same city as her favorite YouTuber, Bella Santiago.

Over a month ago, Bella discovered the Shawn Mendes profile on Spotify, causing her to give him a shoutout on Twitter. Then, just after the release of his newest EP, In My Blood, Bella messaged Shawn, offering to fly him out to LA, put him in a hotel and make a video with her. Shawn immediately jumped at the chance, but he couldn't go without bringing two of the biggest Bella stans he knew, Annalise and Aaliyah. The only reason why it took until the New Year for this to happen was simple: exams and Christmas.

When the semester ended, Annalise spent the holidays and her 22nd birthday with Shawn's family in Pickering, much to her own family's disdain. It was different, celebrating Christmas on the morning of the 25th, rather than the 24th. It was also different not eating tamales or pozole like she did with her family. It totally wasn't annoying when Shawn blasted that god awful Taylor Swift song on the morning of Annalise's birthday. She totally didn't miss her family either.

She had to promise her parents that she would stay in LA for the duration of the holiday break in return for missing all the important holidays. It wasn't a hard decision to make, but it was going to be hard letting Shawn go. Annalise only hoped that there would be time for him to meet her extended family during this trip. From what she understood, as soon as Bella was done with him, Shawn and Aaliyah were getting on a plane straight back to Toronto.

As it turns out, Bella Santiago is insanely generous. She reserved the three of them a deluxe suite at the Marriott. They had a view of the city, a massive king size bed, and a pull out sofa bed. Everything was spotless, and luxurious.

"She didn't have to go this hard," Aaliyah pointed out as she tossed her suitcase to the side.

"What, would you rather sleep on the floor?" Shawn teased. "And pick that up and move it so it's out of the way!"

She rolled her eyes as she did what he said.

Annalise made herself comfortable on top of the white sheets. While all of this was exciting, she was fucking exhausted. It felt like it was much later in the day, having gotten up at seven. The time change made it feel like it was well in the afternoon, but it was barely eleven.

"How's your tummy?" Shawn asked from the window. He had his phone out and was taking photos of the view.

"Much better," she replied.

Against her better judgment, Annalise had a coffee during the five hour flight, and it did not agree with her. She made good friends with a barf bag… or three. All the caffeine must have left her system if she was feeling better now.

"What time do we meet Bella?" asked Aaliyah, padding over to stand by her brother.

"Three o'clock," Shawn replied. "In the ballroom downstairs."

That prompted all three of them to take a death nap for the time being. It only lasted about three hours, and when their alarms went off, none of them felt any more rested.

Annalise was the first one to actually get up and get ready. For once, she was intimidated by who she was going to be standing in front of today. She had to look her best, even if it was in all black.

It didn't take long for Aaliyah to follow suit. Soon enough, both girls were sitting in front of the window, using the California sun for their light as they did their makeup.

The funny thing is, as much as they cared about looking their best, neither of them were going to be in Bella's video. She only wanted Shawn, who was still lying in bed half an hour before the scheduled meet up.

"What are you gonna wear?" Annalise asked her boyfriend.

"I don't know," he replied, his voice muffled by the pillow. "Will she even care about what I'm wearing?"

"You're gonna be on her channel," Aaliyah said, looking up from her handheld mirror, "which has millions of viewers, including some of my friends who will never let me hear the end of it if they see my brother looking like a clown in front of the queen!"

Shawn grinned and got up. "I'll go like this, what do you think?" He held his arms out, showcasing his plaid pajama bottoms and a Nike hoodie. He also only had one sock on.

"You'll be dead before you step out of the room like that," Ann darkly added.

“Thanks Satan.” He chuckled.

Shawn was only pretending to be calm. Inside, he was shaking and his insides were heavy. He didn't even think about Bella's subscriber count until Aaliyah pointed it out. He really wanted Bella to like him too. She seemed like such a sweetheart from her videos, Shawn hoped that wasn't just a persona.

He had spent most of the flight watching her videos (when Ann wasn’t puking up her caffeine, of course.) He made it through a few tutorials, learning a lot about not only makeup, but Bella herself. She suffers from several anxiety disorders and constantly works to better herself. She left her parents when she came out to them as bisexual, and she hasn't spoke to them or her extended family in years. She recently got out of a relationship with another YouTuber named Ethan Nestor, which was part of the reason why she spent half of 2019 in her hometown of Palm Springs. This woman has some thick skin, there was no denying that.

One of the best things that Shawn learned about Bella was that she had a butterfly tattoo on her left arm. In another video, she talked about how her viewers drew butterflies on their arms in support of her when she was down. She got it tattooed for them, and the colors of the wings were the same as the bisexual pride flag. Shawn looked at his own butterfly tattoo differently now.

The other best thing he learned was how talented of a singer Bella was. She had covers on her channel, and Shawn watched every single one. Bella had such a rich, beautiful voice, and it looked so easy for her to hit any high note. She sang Love on the Brain without any strain on her face. She sang a gayer version of You Belong with Me, and played guitar with it. She sang with Markiplier as the opening act when they were on a comedy show tour in 2018.

Shawn couldn't wait to sing with her, though he was intimidated. He thought he was a good singer, but put him next to someone with Ariana Grande levels of talent? The nerves were never ending.

It was ten til three when everyone was ready. Their only predicament was to go down to the ballroom early or not.

“Did she text you?” Aaliyah asked, clearly antsy. “Is she on her way or anything?”

Shawn shook his head. He had changed into a white tee, black jeans and a denim jacket, which the two girls approved of. “Should I message her? Or… her manager? She’s the one who made all these arrangements.”

“Hey, she might not even be here on time,” Ann said. “YouTubers are like celebrities. They run on their own schedules just because they can.”

“Bella wouldn’t do that, would she?” Aaliyah said in disbelief.

“Only one way to find out.”

And to the ballroom they went. The space was huge, clearly meant for a party. There were sheer white curtains hanging from the huge windows, and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. In the far corner of the room, tables and chairs were folded and leaning against the wall. Shawn, Aaliyah, and Ann looked around the room, all silently nervous and excited. Only a few minutes into it, they heard female voices just outside the room.

“But we’re always early! I knew I should have driven myself!”

“It’s two fifty-nine! Relax, they’re probably not even here yet!”

“Huh, I’ll be damned,” Ann mumbled, looking at her phone to verify the time.

The owners of the other two voices entered the room, carrying expensive-looking camera equipment and studio lights. They were followed by a bellhop, who was carrying a keyboard in a case. One woman was short and curvy, brown and freckled. Her short black hair was curly and glossed down, and she was wearing a bright red pantsuit.

The other woman was long and lean, decked out in a white long sleeve crop top, a black skirt, and knee high boots. Her iconic bright pink hair made a comeback, that wasn’t in her latest video. Her kind face looked airbrushed and flawless, although her brown eyes looked alarmed, like she was caught in headlights.

The first person to break the silence was the woman in red, already establishing her power. “Hello!” She held her hand out to Shawn. “I’m Sonji, I’m Bella’s manager. I believe we spoke on the phone. And on Twitter.”

“Yeah, yeah we did,” he said as they shook hands. “Uh, this Aaliyah and Ann, my sister and my girlfriend.”

“Hi, ladies!” Sonji greeted, shaking their hands as well. “So lovely to meet you! God, you’re all so pretty!”

Both girls mumbled shy thank you’s.

“Okay, so my handsome friend here and myself are going to set things up for the video,” Sonji explained. “In the meantime-” She looked at her silent client. “-Baller, come talk to your little protégé.”

Then, Sonji led the bellhop further into the room, over by the windows.

Bella still had a bag slung over her shoulder and a massive studio light stand in her hands. She was clutching it to her chest, a very performative and awkward smile etched on her bright pink lips.

“Hi!” she said after one very long second. “Uh - lemme -” She set down the giant lights and removed the bag from her shoulder. Then she stood up straight and smoothed out her hair. “Hi! Uh, I said that already!”

“I’ll say it again! Hi!” Shawn greeted, smiling politely.

Bella looked at him and opened her arms for a hug. “It’s nice to finally meet you!”

It might be weird to put it this way, but she smelled pretty. Whatever perfume she was wearing was probably more expensive than the flight over here. Shawn hugged her around her shoulders, inadvertently touching her surprisingly soft hair. You could just tell that she didn’t spare a single penny when it came to caring for herself.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to be so tall!” she said, looking up at Shawn. “For once, I’m not the tallest person in the room!”

She couldn’t have been taller than Ann, who was five foot five inches and felt very short most of the time.

“And this is the sister and the girlfriend?” Bella said, turning to the other two girls. She went to hug Aaliyah, who was more than delighted by the gesture.

Bella leaned back and took her hand. “I love your nails! Love the shape and color!” She ran her thumb over the white acrylics. “So cute!”

“Aw, thank you!” Aaliyah was beaming.

Then, Bella turned to hug Ann. It’s important to point out that in most situations, Annalise Flores is stone faced, calm, and collected. Today, however, Ann had wide eyes, like she was face the good Lord herself… like she was going to drop down on one knee and propose to Bella.

Shawn wouldn’t blame her.

“Me encanta su delineador!” Bella told her, gently cupping her face.

“En serio?” Ann softly asked.

“Yes, que linda! Those inner wings are to die for! What do you use?”

“Um.. uh, I think it’s NYX? I don’t know the exact one, but it’s definitely NYX!” Ann chuckled nervously.

“Well, it looks amazing!”

Ann looked like she was going to faint with that euphoric dazed look on her face. Thankfully, she stayed on both feet because Sonji grabbed their attention. She managed to sneak by Bella, take the lights and bag, and set them all up by the window. She also set up the keyboard, camera and two chairs. There were three other chairs behind the camera as well. Sonji was incredibly fast.

“We are all ready to go!” she said to the others.

“Shall we?” Bella gestured for the other three to go first.

Shawn, Ann, and Aaliyah went over to the set up, excitement only increasing from here.

"Were you two going to be in the video too?" Sonji asked the two girls.

They both shook their heads.

"Nervous? Don't blame you, the Internet is brutal."

That didn't help Shawn's bundle of nerves. He took a silent deep breath as he went for his guitar case while Bella sat in front of her keyboard. The Internet is brutal, and Shawn's own minuscule corner of it was safe solely because of the size. The fans he tweeted every so often were seemingly normal, and no one was overly critical about him or his music. More exposure means more space for criticism and plain old hate.

Bella had over five million subscribers, and at least forty thousand of them took an interest in Shawn over the last month and a half. It was a lot of new people to make a good impression to. He took another deep breath and removed the guitar from its case. There's no going back now.

"So, I don't want this to be a structured, planned out video," Bella explained when Shawn took the empty chair next to her. "I just want us to talk so my viewers can get to know you, and we'll sing whatever comes to mind."

"Sounds good," Shawn said, not really hearing himself.

"Now everybody - and I mean everybody - take in a deep breath."

The room was silent except for the sounds of everyone inhaling through their noses. Aaliyah and Ann still looked excited as they followed Bella's instruction. Sonji followed as well, like she had done this a thousand times.

"And exhale," Bella breathed out, and the others repeated. "Good. Get those nerves out, breathe away the anxiety. This is fun, we're having fun."

Shawn felt a little better, knowing she was just as nervous, if not more. Throughout all of Bella's mental health videos that he watched on the plane, none of them seemed to touch on how severe her own case was.

Finally, Bella addressed the camera, her soft voice suddenly projected. "Hey, it's Bella! Welcome back to my channel! Today, I'm here with a very special guest! Some of you saw me tweet a while ago…"

Oh god, what the fuck was Shawn going to say? He looked over at Ann, who smiled reassuringly and silently did the motions for deep breathing. Stay calm. You're a strong guy.

"So how long have you been making music?" Bella asked him as she mindlessly pressed keys on her keyboard.

Shawn recalled as best he could. "Uh, I sang covers when I was fifteen. Didn't make my own music until a few years later."

"Nice! Are you in school, or work or something?"

"Yeah, I'm in college. I'm majoring in music and botany."

"Oh, you like plants?"

Shawn was mildly impressed. Most people had to ask what botany is, and he would have to explain for the thousandth time. Then, he would be told to drop the music major because it's easier to find a job in plant science.

"Flowers," he clarified. "I work in a flower shop."

"That's so cool!"

The conversation got easier as time went on. Sometimes Aaliyah or Ann would chime in if they felt that Shawn was getting too confident. Bella giggled every so often, which made everyone in the room adore her even more.

Shawn was about ready to propose when Bella started playing Mercy on her keyboard and humming the beginning. He stared at her in shock for a few seconds before he played along on guitar. Hopefully that didn't look too embarrassing on camera. He listened to her voice for a moment before singing with her in the chorus.

He had plenty of questions for Bella after they went through that song. "Where did you get a voice like that?"

"I could carry a tune as a kid," she explained, "so I was put into singing classes to hone it. Then I did church choir, school choir… I just never really stopped singing." She paused and then chuckled nervously. "This is gonna sound pretentious, but I think I got this voice for a reason. Meaning, I have this platform and all these followers. I think I'm meant to use my voice for good. Help people in whatever way I can."

Shawn smiled. "That's beautiful. I see that in your videos. I kinda went on a binge on the plane."

Bella grinned.

"One thing that stood out to me…" Shawn hesitated, minding the camera and the future viewers of this video. "You are so unapologetically bisexual. You always make the point to the person you needed as a kid, because there is still so little bi representation in the media. And you decided, if no one's going to do it, then you'll do it yourself, and I think that's incredible."

"Yeah, I didn't have anyone telling me it's okay to feel what I feel, and I don't want anyone to go through what I went through as a teen."

Shawn nodded, glancing over at Ann once. He had talked about touching on this particular topic with her, and he was starting to have his own shred of doubt.

But, he learned from his girlfriend. Fuck it.

"I wish I had someone like you as a teenager," he said to Bella, strumming his guitar. "I mean, when I came out to my family, I was lucky. They were loving and accepting, but I still couldn't find anyone out there who was like me, in real life or in the media. I really wish I had found your videos sooner."

Bella was beaming. "I knew I liked you."

The two of them went back and forth between talking and singing. They compared butterfly tattoos, and then Bella was asking him about his other tats. Shawn learned a couple of Little Mix songs too, which led him to discover where his girlfriend got that fixation from. He was mostly amazed at how Bella was able to belt out song after song like it was nothing. Like she was meant for this. Why did she choose to be a makeup artist?

"Have you ever been offered a record deal?" Shawn asked. "Or thought about making your own music?"

"Mm, yes and yes," she said. "But singing is more of a hobby. I can't see myself delving into the music industry at all. Makeup is where it's at for me. Makeup got me through some of the hardest times in my life."

Shawn wouldn't say no to a record deal. He'd move to Los Angeles tomorrow if he could. He would do just about anything to play music full time. He glanced over at Ann again, who winked with a smile.

next chapter

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @justordinaryjen @chillingbythesea @iloveshawnieboi @shawnsunflower @someoneunimportantxx

[stoopsbookstore]

Vegas, Baby!

Jeonghan X Male!Reader Drabble

This is my first time writing MaleXMale, so please tell me if anything crossed a line, any sort of constructive criticism is welcomed as long as it's respectful.

A shock to Y/N's friends' systems, he patted his friends on the back as they stared at the hotel, decorated floor to floor in rainbow decor, celebrating the month of Pride. The festivities of those who identify as LGBTQIA+ still in full swing for another 24 hours and Y/N plans to make the best of it with his friends.

"Is it always like this during Pride?," Y/N's friend, Velerie, asked, "it's so flamboyant. It doesn't seem like you, Y/N, you're always so quiet and never the type to go to Vegas on a whim."

Velerie was right. Y/N was the straight A good boy who never stepped out of line, who never rocked the boat and kept to himself. It was Luna, his childhood friend who suggested the idea of an impromptu road trip.

"This could be gayer, you know?" Y/N joked, watching all the couples and singles proudly show their affections without any judgmental looks, "hey, I forgot something in the car, I'll be right back. Go ahead and check in."

Just as Y/N's friends were walking into the hotel to check in as he was running back to grab something, another group had arrived, struggling to get their bags out of the stuffed van. A short male was trying his hardest to get some luggage, pulling at the bag crammed into the vehicle.

"Woozi, you just need to work out more. Maybe if you weren't in the recording stud-" a taller male grabbed the bag with a yank hard enough to hit Y/N in the abdomen, causing Y/N to gasp in pain and the other two boys to look on in concern.

"Shit! Jeonghan! What did you do?! Are you okay, man?" Woozi offered his hand to help Y/N as Jeonghan was looking for the words to say, "sorry about that. Jeonghan's not the type to wack innocent people with bags."

"No, it's okay," Y/N stood up with the help of Woozi, "I probably should've paid attention. Just getting here?"

Woozi slapped Jeonghan's shoulder, trying to earn a response. When no such response came, Woozi spoke up once more.

"Uh, oh yeah! We just came from a rehearsal for a show tonight."

"Oh, a show?" Y/N looked at the two boys, "what kind?"

"We're singers!" Jeonghan blurted out, stumbling on his words, "I'm Jeonghan and this is Jihoon! Why don't you come?! I'm sure we can sco-"

"Y/N!" Luna ran up behind the boy, "we're all checked in and good to go. Who are these handsome gentlemen?"

"This is Jeonghan and Jihoon! They want us to go to their show tonight."

Jeonghan looked up and down at Luna, "yeah. We should be able to give you guys some backstage passes. Is there anymore of you we should know about?"

"Two more, Velerie and Reed. Are you sure that's okay?"

Luna clung to Y/N's arm, "a concert?! That would be amazing! Look at you, Y/N. Breaking out of that shell. Only took a fuckton of years."

Woozi looked through the bags and spotted a few badges, sporting the Seventeen logo as well as a random member. Jeonghan grabbed the passes, looking for specific pass.

"Here," Jeonghan flung a pass out, hurriedly giving to Y/N, "I'd like for you to have mine."

Luna squealed, gaining an annoyed look from Jeonghan, "we'll definitely be there! Come on Y/N, let's go get settled in."

"It was nice meeting you!" Y/N yelled at the duo as they continued to help the other members unpack the girl.

"Woo-"

"Don't say it. I know what you're about to s-"

"What am I ab-"

"Oh, he was cute, but I think he's already taken, oh oh oh," Woozi mocked Jeonghan as he cringed in annoyance.

"I hate when you're right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the concert, after the guys got all cleaned up from the sweat and drinks they threw, the thirteen boys decided to meet with Y/N and his friends.

Drinks were flowing, everyone was talking and dancing. Jeonghan walked over to Y/N, who was awkwardly sitting in a booth, next to a couple making out.

"Hey, why don't you come out and dance? Look, you've barely had a sip of your drink!" Jeonghan yelled over the music.

"This is actually my second! And I'm not the type to normally do this! Luna thought it would've been a good idea to come to Vegas for my first Pride as an open man!"

"Wait?! You mean you're not dating Luna?"

Y/N pointed to the pair behind them that have been trying to suck off their faces off for the past hour. Luna flipped her hair, revealing she had been making out with Mingyu, Jeonghan shocked.

"She's my best friend! We did have a thing when we were like 14, but that's what helped me realize who I am!"

Jeonghan sat in silence, the music pounding as Luna and Mingyu went to the dance floor and Y/N sat, stirring his drink with the straw and eating the bar peanuts on the table.

"Honestly I can't imagine my life without you even though I've only known you for a maximum of an hour, there's a Chapel down the street, let's go."

Y/N took a sip as Jeonghan confessed, the liquid spraying out as Y/N went bug-eyed.

"Jeonghan, that's just the alcohol talking."

"No, no, I'm being serious! You're handsome, you're funny, I haven't been able to get my mind off of you since we met earlier, and I can tell by the way you treat your friends, you're an amazing person! Let's go, let's go!"

"I hope you realize, more often than not, weddings in Vegas aren't actually legal."

"That's fine. As long as I can spend some time with you, I'm good."

Y/N contemplated, thinking back to Luna telling him he needed to get out there and stop being so quiet. Y/N stood up, grabbed Jeonghan's wrist and pulling him closer.

"Who do you want as the minster? Elvis or the Devil?"

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Buster

Ava: Are you lot en-route? Buster: 'Course Buster: But we've had one foot out the door for like half an hour, honestly Ava: Good, 'cos I have presents Buster: Yeah? Buster: Pot of gold or what, like Ava: Hardly appropriate for a two-year-old Ava: None for you, soz 💔 Buster: I'd argue it's very appropriate Buster: All the shit he needs haemorrhages cash Ava: You were warned Ava: Extensively Buster: And I ain't sorry I didn't listen Buster: They can all try and sue me Ava: Enter an arena where they aren't the experts? Ava: Doesn't sound like mum and dad Buster: No such arena exists, clearly Buster: Know it all, have done it all Ava: Your degree must be a waste of time then Buster: You'd have to ask 'em what they reckon Buster: But I'd wait til they've got a few more drinks down 'em first, get closer to the truth Ava: Ugh, shut up Ava: You know they're proud of you Buster: Yeah yeah, blah blah Buster: But are you proud of me? Real MVP and everything Ava: When you get your cap and gown Ava: Funny wig, even better Ava: I still only got stuff for the kids and Ri though Ava: I'll chase a 🌈 down ASAP Buster: You're alright Buster: Already got a girlfriend, don't you? Buster: No need to get gayer just to wind me up, Nance has got that covered Ava: Ha, don't even chat to me about annoying Buster: I won't Ava: 😏 Ava: No, you're meant to ask, idiot Ava: You're so lucky you only have a son Buster: Tell me then Buster: I want a girl next Ava: Well she's not coming back, not that I'm surprised Buster: What bullshit excuse did she go with this time? She's got too much work on, girlfriend drama or she just hates fam functions SO MUCH Ava: It was column A presented but 1000% came across as column C Ava: She can be so Buster: I know Buster: Did she try and buy you off with an NYC trip that ain't gonna happen just like the last one didn't? Ava: Twin telepathy is real, yeah? Ava: 🙄 Buster: Fuck that and her Buster: I told you before, when you actually wanna go I'll take you Buster: Then you only have to see her a bearable amount Ava: I know Ava: It'd be interesting to see how long she could hold a conversation with me but yeah Ava: won't happen so Buster: Longer than she can with me or dad, probably slightly less time than she can with mum, depending what mood they are both in Buster: That'd be my bet Buster: Chin up, the good twin is finally on his fucking way Ava: Sounds about right Ava: Good time to tell you to call her yourself later or do you want a drink before you process that? Buster: Bad time to be forced to remember that I told Rio right at the start I wouldn't drink when she couldn't Ava: Honestly, I thought this kid was PLANNED Ava: She couldn't Christmas or New Year either Buster: She was planned, just not by me Ava: 'Course, you would've factored in drinking Ava: Must be their gay agenda Buster: There's loads of shit I'd have factored in Ava: That's your upbringing talking Buster: Shut up Ava: It is though Ava: Personally, I agree its better than the more the merrier approach too Buster: You'll personally be waiting a load more years before you make me play uncle then, yeah? Buster: Good Ava: Ugh Ava: Don't be making me 🤢 just because green is the colour today Buster: Gotta Buster: Who the fuck is there to be jealous of when we're us? Ava: You couldn't go the more traditional routes, no? 🍾🥂 Ava: Seeing as I'm NOT pregnant or being a very supportive partner to someone who is Buster: Come on, who am I? Buster: And you can leave me out of your rites of passage, I've cleaned up enough sick in the name of being a supportive partner Buster: Grace'll hold your hair back for you Ava: There's no need to be old AND boring 😏 Buster: Fuck off Buster: Counting down the days til I can drink you under the table Ava: Dad lets me Buster: There's nothing dad won't let you do Buster: Got him well wrapped around your finger, like Ava: It's not my fault I'm the most lovable Ava: Do better 😋 Buster: That's the one title you can keep Buster: Got all the love I need, cheers Ava: 🤢🥰 Ava: N'awh Buster: Lyla didn't wanna come and hang with the extended fam then? Ava: Wouldn't do that to someone I liked, would I? Buster: Depends how much you like her Ava: Nah Ava: That's all a bit heavy Buster: Well yeah Buster: It would be a trial by fire Ava: Then pissed on Ava: then set on fire again Ava: I like having time away when I come here, you know Ava: Not attached at the hip Buster: I know Ava: I'll send her a hilarious postcard or something Buster: You sounded like Nance there Buster: No need to miss her at all Ava: Fuck off Buster: You're right she'd never write it Buster: Half her holiday would be over before she got the words down Ava: 😂 Ava: Rude Buster: It's fuck all I wouldn't say to her face if she ever bothered to show it Ava: Can no one in this family be nice Ava: Honestly Buster: Come on Buster: I'm nice to you Buster: You ain't even bought me a present Ava: I know, I'm very lovable Ava: Have you got me one? Buster: Yeah but you ain't having it now Ava: Yeah right Ava: I know who gets last word in your house Ava: and Rio is nice to everyone Buster: She's nicest to me and she always does what I say Buster: So you might wanna think again Ava: That's entirely too much information, thank you Ava: you owe me double as compensation Buster: You ain't having two bottles Buster: Keep the first one down and then we'll talk Ava: Challenge accepted Buster: Good Buster: Don't really wanna have to disown you before the day's out Ava: Least there's enough of 'em to fall back on should you get the urge Ava: I'll survive Buster: Keep that quiet around mum, it's still them and us with her Ava: Sounds familiar 🙄 Buster: You're bound to hear it yet again by the time she's had a few Ava: Not if I have anything to do with it Buster: Sounds like you've got a plan Ava: As planned as a party should ever be Buster: Yeah Ava: 💃🎉 Ava: Hurry up Buster: Traffic's worse than London at its finest right now Buster: Everyone on the road's either already wasted or angry they ain't Ava: Stay safe Buster: 'Course Buster: Speaking of, where you staying tonight? Ava: Tipsy childcare is better than no childcare Ava: No need to beg Buster: Shut up, I'll drive you is all I'm saying Ava: Cheers 💙 Buster: I'll cash the IOU when you're sober, like Ava: Better cash it before I cash my 2nd present then Buster: Forget it for now, it's a holiday Ava: That's what I've been saying Buster: You ain't gotta tell me, even if today I can't play as hard as I work Buster: Still not a fucking amateur Ava: Still a McKenna Buster: First and best Ava: Hardly Buster: If we're going by mum's them and us viewpoint, there's hardly any competition Buster: Just you and me, kid Ava: Well I'm just saying, Granddad is gonna be fuming Buster: Everything you learned about wrapping dad round your little finger you got from watching me with him Buster: I ain't worried Ava: Pfft Ava: My baby blues are bluer and my pout is poutier Ava: I'm the new model, boy Buster: 'Cause you need 'em to fall back on Buster: I'm just that good Buster: you're the youngest model that's all Buster: Due a spectacular fuck up about now Ava: You wish Ava: On all counts Buster: Nah, I'm rooting for you Buster: 'Course I am Ava: Mhmm Ava: Dead convincing 😏 Buster: I always am Buster: Wig or no wig Ava: So soppy, you Ava: Have title of my best big brother Buster: That's a copout but whatever Ava: And fussy Ava: Alright best sibling but that isn't much more of an achievement really Buster: Don't worry about it Buster: I know how great I am Ava: Yeah yeah, blah blah Buster: Get me the least shit sounding soft drink and I'll believe you Ava: If there's anything being tragically underage has taught me Ava: 👍 Buster: Cheers Buster: See you in 5 Ava: Bring your cute kid Buster: I taught him how to say “Sláinte” earlier so you'll be able to rate my achievements for yourself Buster: He ain't just a pretty face Ava: 🥺🥰 Ava: What a face though Buster: I can't take all the credit Buster: He takes after his mother Buster: Tell her how good she looks when we get in, yeah? I'm living a nightmare Ava: 'Course Ava: I've got a girlfriend, remember Ava: I know the drill, just amp up period level love 1000% for a pregnant bitch Buster: My wife ain't a insecure teenager Buster: But I appreciate the sentiment Buster: Just don't call her a bitch ever again Ava: I say it with love Ava: from one to another Ava: but got it, I'll remind her she's old Buster: Don't Buster: It'll be your funeral Ava: 😂 I only like winding you u Ava: p Ava: Don't need anyone crying on me Buster: Good Buster: I don't need to be breaking up any girl fights Buster: Especially when I've taught you both everything I know Ava: Even if me hitting a girl is more acceptable than you, I think everyone draws the line at a pregnant one Buster: Fine, I don't wanna pick you up off the floor once she's knocked you out and do a concussion test after someone pours a pint over you to bring you round Buster: I was trying to soften the blow of how it'll play out since I'd be powerless to stop the actual Ava: And I thought you were in the festive spirit Ava: 🙄 Ava: I'll take back this virgin cocktail, like 😏 Buster: Not without any spirits in me Buster: You'll have to take what you can get Ava: Few folk songs and you'll be well into it Buster: Voice of an angel, obviously Buster: Could've been a choir boy if not for everything else Ava: You took living vicariously a wee bit hard with the name already Buster: You'd have preferred me to name him after a silent film star, yeah? Ava: That was pure wishful thinking 🙊🤐🤫 Buster: Fucked over as my boy's been by not being named Rudolph Valentino or Roscoe Arbuckle, I reckon he'll be alright Buster: Cheers though Ava: I think Fatty murdered someone Ava: so as far as aspirations go, you're in the right direction Buster: I always am Buster: Never a misstep made, no matter what mum and dad say Ava: Alright 👼 its St Paddy's not confessional Ava: and the priest would be rare pissed off if you waltzed in and said you'd never done anything wrong 😂 Buster: He'd be a fine one to talk Ava: The drama of it all Buster: Again, I don't need to be told Buster: There's a kid here asking for you, except shouting's more the word Ava: He gets it 👏 Ava: 💃 Buster: Come out before he legs it in

[m-oana-archive]

Heartsease: A Wolfstar fanfiction

Part Two: “Goodnight, Moon” 

read part one here

POV: Sirius | Words: 3543 | beta: @inflictionofopinions <3 | Read on AO3 |

Sharing a small piece of parchment between the two of them, James and Sirius’ hands seemed to be playing bumper cars, colliding perpetually and causing unwanted trails of ink to line across a detailed blueprint of the Slytherin dormitories.  Paired with the dry and stuffy heat inside of his classroom, Professor Binns’ monotone lectures typically lulled Sirius into the most restful sleeps of his life, filled with dreams of Pumpkin Pasties and soft leather jackets and a tall, brunette boy kissing him tenderly.  It wasn’t Sirius’ fault that History of Magic always seemed to fall during the time of day where the sunlight streams through the tall windows in the way that cast a glare upon the room that made his eyelids feel heavy while simultaneously warming his robes.  And it wasn’t his fault that Remus, bless his soul, wanted to get a NEWT in the most boring subject ever invented, forcing Sirius and James to take it, as well.  But today, James seemed intent on finding the best way to arrange an explosion of red and gold fireworks to go off in the Slytherin Common Room when–“not if,” according to James– Gryffindor defeated them in the final Quidditch game of the season, giving Sirius a reason to keep awake.  But if Sirius were to be honest with his heavily beating heart, the careful glances at the disheveled caramel hair and broad shoulders that sat in front of him were reason enough to keep his eyes open, so he could just look and look and look at that small freckle at the base Remus’ neck without the attention seeming out of place.

“Could we, like, make the explosion in the shape of a lion’s head?” James asked while rubbing the crease on his forehead with his free hand.  “Or we can spell out Slytherin in big, capital letters, send a rocket shooting through to destroy it, and then have all the letters in Gryffindor pop out.  Is that too much?”

Sirius didn’t notice he was staring until James interrupted his thoughts, and Sirius realized he had to look down to see the top of his quill, not up.  He stuttered for a minute, trying to recall what James had asked through his series of cluttered, crossed-out sketches.  Sirius pretended to be considering the options, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand, feeling the few strands of hair that had fallen from his messier-than-usual bun, instead of trying to figure out what the options were.  Knowing James would like his own ideas, Sirius merely repeated one he recalled with perfect clarity: “Maybe, have the one that crosses through end with the lion head instead?”

“YEAH!”  James nearly stood up out of the wooden chair in excitement, the combination of his near-scream and the screech of the chair against the floor turning every head towards him.  Professor Binns even faced them, the approach slow-motion in that way only ghosts can accomplish, looking at the pair of them with a new level of indignation in his translucent eyes.

“Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, is there something you wish to share with your classmates?”  Binns asked.  From a few feet away, Remus cocked an eyebrow at the pair of them, using the quizzical accusation to try and hinder the smirk Sirius could tell was forming on his face.  Sirius had a feeling, however, that if he looked slightly to the left, where Lily was sitting, he would be met with an expression more similar to Binns’.  

“Uh… well, you see…” James began, gesturing with his hands, as if he knew what he was saying next and would do so with dramatic flair.  He must have readjusted his glasses some three or so times before Remus spoke.

“Professor, if I may,” he said in a tone overflowing with such politeness it was difficult to think he was resisting a smirk seconds earlier, “I heard them talking.  James was just confused, Sirius helped him understand, and that’s why he got so excited.”  

Though Professor Binns lacked bones, something in his expression softened, in that way only Remus could make people melt solely using words and– Sirius was guessing– an innocent smile.  “Is this true, gentlemen?”  Binns inquired, gentler, Remus’ tone rubbing off on him.  

Afraid to return to James’ publicized glasses-readjusting stunt, Sirius spoke before he got the chance to.  “Yes, sir.  James just didn’t want to say so because he was embarrassed to be wrong.”  James waved his arms in a wild surrender, nearly knocking his ink down but missing by mere millimeters.  Taking that as affirmation, Binns returned to his stack of notes, and Sirius could hear the transition his voice went through from disciplinarian back to lecturer, emotion to dullness.  Suddenly, the room felt very warm again, almost too comfortable to keep his eyes open, and Sirius probably could have fallen asleep, if not for the small thumbs-up Remus signaled from behind his chair which caused a flood of energy to surge through Sirius.  Clever Moony, he scoffed to himself.

In order to get an adequate amount of planning done without getting caught once more, Sirius and James scribbled notes to one another on the back of the parchment.  boy, Moons really saved us there.  We’re lucky to have him here, James wrote.

Sirius gave a silent thanks to whatever God was looking down at him at the moment– or to Satan for ceasing Sirius’ bad luck– for keeping James’ focus downward, keeping him oblivious to the affection he could Sirius could feel heavy in his eyes as he wrote, yeah.  we are.

Class ended too fast, somehow, as Sirius and James were in the middle of an argument about the best way to split the letters of ‘Slytherin’ in half when they were excused.  The deep-rooted knowledge that his idea would work better, mixed with James’ equally unrelenting opinion, made Sirius almost miss the tall shadow that was cast from the other side of the table.  It didn’t help that the person the shadow belonged to stayed silent for a minute or so, before laying his pale finger atop the ‘Slytherin’ written in large, lopsided, capital letters, and saying with annoying casualness, “Just charm each letter’s firework to split a millisecond or so before the next one.  You don’t need the firework that shoots through to do anything else, then.”

“Yes!  Thank you, Moony,” James said, quickly noting that next to the ‘Slytherin’ in even worse handwriting.  “Now, we can eat in peace.”

Sirius didn’t mean to be looking at Remus, again, but he couldn’t resist watching the proud beam that spread across his cheeks.  Too soon, he turned around to begin collecting his belongings, and Sirius realized he should probably begin doing the same if he was to avoid being questioned into exposing his rather large, rather inappropriate, rather embarrassing secret.  But, out of a habit he had developed since third year, Sirius continued watching Remus out of the corner of his eye as Remus’ calloused hands packed away his belongings with meticulous care.  Meanwhile, Sirius opened his bag and swept his books, quill, and hopefully closed ink bottle into the darkness.

Lily had wordlessly stayed nearby, and decided, after relentless pleading from James, to sit with them at dinner.  “You won’t regret it, Evans,” he promised as he led them out of the emptying classroom.  Sirius sighed, wishing that James would stop bouncing on his feet through the corridor, as it made it so painfully obvious that he was ecstatic about Lily’s decision.  But, when Sirius looked down at the girl, whose cheeks were slightly flushed pink and lips were trying to not give away a smile, Sirius realized, maybe she didn’t mind at all.  He nudged her with his shoulder, and Lily glanced up at the knowing smirk on Sirius’ face, causing her to collide with his arm with a more aggressive force.

“Calm down, Black.  It’s just dinner,” she said.  Regardless of her apparent disinterest, the expression on her face told a different story, one that kept Sirius’ eyebrows raised all the way to the Great Hall.

“It’s so obvious, Moons,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear.  The unexpectedness of it made Remus jump a little, made his simply reply of  “What?” rather breathless.  Sirius smiled while clarifying, “Lily and Prongs, of course.  They ought to just get over themselves and start dating.  They’re both obviously in love with one another.”

“Yeah,” Remus chuckled, his gaze still down at the floor.  Sirius almost outwardly yelled at him to look up, because Sirius really wanted to see the way Remus’ eyes lit up while he laughed, warm with the slightest hint of deviousness.  But it didn’t matter, anyways, the way these simple actions made Sirius’ heart feel like it was constantly partaking in a high speed broom chase.

Because even if Moony was gay, gay in the slightest or gayer than Sirius himself, that wouldn’t alter the fact that they were best friends and that there were lines that came alongside best friendship.  Maybe James drunkenly kissing them on the cheeks wasn’t crossing it, or Sirius refusing to wear more than a towel around his waist after showering wasn’t crossing it, or Moony feeding them by hand wasn’t crossing it, but Sirius declaring his undying love towards Remus was.  So he had to settle with looking, casually touching, daydreaming.

Busy torturing himself with these unwanted truths, Sirius hadn’t even recognized the four of them had already entered the Great Hall, full of robes and chatter and succulent smells.  Quickly, James found a seat at the Gryffindor table, ushering Lily to sit besides him while Sirius and Remus sat across from the pair.

“So, what did you two do last night?” Sirius asked while spooning a heaping pile of shepherd's pie onto Remus’ plate before doing the same on his.

“I did a body shot off of James,” Lily said while casually slicing into a fried sausage.  Sirius’ reaction was quite the opposite, as he nearly spat a mouthful of pie into his Pumpkin Juice.  He gulped down the bite, thankful that he was able to calm himself down before he inevitably imagined lapping up liquor from Remus’ stomach.

Remus cleared his throat before saying, still quite hoarsely, “I think it’s safe to say it’s time to change subjects.”  James and Lily simply laughed as Sirius smiled weakly.  Amused but still working on regaining his composure, he was distracted by a voice beginning to speak behind him.  A voice that sounded familiar and brought back the image of bright fireworks and the taste of burning Firewhiskey.  Sirius turned, needing to see the face that was paired with the voice that just said his name with obvious uncertainty.  It was long with a broad forehead, unsure smile, and eyes whose slight gleam looked held back, like he was afraid of something.  But they were familiar, he was familiar, and suddenly a string of letters began forming in Sirius’ throat.

“Ollie, right?” Sirius asked, turning his body towards the tall Hufflepuff.  Ollie nodded, smile growing at Sirius’ ability to remember him, and Sirius felt his own grin beginning to grow.  “Sorry for having to ask.  I was pretty wasted last night.”

“That’s why I came over, actually,” Ollie admitted, busying himself by straightening the cuffs of his robe.  “I wanted to make sure you got back alright, since I didn’t see you at all after I went over to the bar, and you were, as you said, pretty wasted.”

Some light and fluttery feeling should have manifested inside of Sirius’ chest at Ollie’s words, the same kind that usually occurred after Remus accidentally brushed his hand against Sirius’, or when Remus laughed at a joke Sirius made, but nothing did.  Sirius made some unceremonious reply and gestured at the same time, but didn’t really register what he was saying or doing, too busy getting ahead of himself, realizing that though he had finally found someone who could distract him from the excruciating, fruitless, foolish love he felt for Remus, it wouldn’t matter if his heart didn’t pound for that other person. What he did hear, however with perfect clarity, was Ollie’s next question: “I was wondering if you would like to come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?”  It was simple, hopeful, and Sirius wished he could return such gentle enthusiasm.

Out of some reflex, Sirius turned back towards his friends for approval.James and Lily carried on  an artificially loud conversation to mask their obvious eavesdropping on Sirius and Ollie, and Remus, whose vacant eyes met Sirius’ bright ones, neither denied Sirius of his wordless question nor offered any kind of approval.  The look seeming so unlike Remus, Sirius almost asked him for permission to go out with Ollie.  Rather than face the assumptions such a question would lead to, Sirius refrained from following through with his initial reaction, instead turning to Ollie, who was still shining with optimism.

“Yeah, I’d love to go,” Sirius replied.  He wasn’t lying because the words didn’t feel wrong when they passed through his throat, like all those times James had asked if Sirius was into someone and he said no, or all those times Remus asked, after a full moon, who could ever fall in love with a werewolf, and Sirius said anything but, “me.”  No, this was not a lie.  But the way his heart constricted once the words were out in the open made Sirius feel as if it was one.

Ollie nearly jumped up, causing Sirius to smile brightly.  “Great,” he said, grinning so widely it took up the entirety of his face and Sirius ached to return the warmth.  “I’ll meet you by the fountain at 11?”

“Sure,” Sirius replied, wishing, as Ollie walked away, that phrase did not perfectly express his too-low level of excitement, wishing he wouldn’t be able to stop smiling for the rest of the day.  He probably could have, really, if he wasn’t met with a smirking Lily and James when he turned his body back around to his now cold shepherd’s pie.

He forked through the pie on his plate, suddenly finding it unappealing.  “What?”

“You have a date,” James snickered, leaning back and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Sirius huffed out a breath, shaking his head while searching the table for something that looked appetizing.  He settled for a cornish pasty, grabbing it slowly, considering it even more tediously– anything to distract him from his urge to see if Remus was still wearing that look of cold discontent on his face.  “It’s neither here nor there,” he replied, setting the pasty down before cutting it in half with his knife.  He raised the first half up, opening up his mouth to bite into it, before Lily stole it from his hand.

“Are you not excited?” she asked.  Sirius extended his arm across the table, not caring his robe sleeve was dangerously close to dipping into his Pumpkin Juice, as Lily kept retracting the pasty further and further out of his reach.  “Don’t play him, Black.”

Sirius took a minute to consider the stern look of warning on Lily’s face, with pursed lips and unblinking eyes, hoping she could see the exasperation in his.  He was excited, of course he was, and he knew it for a fact.  But he also knew that some piece of his heart was, throughout this entire process, going to be unwilling to move on from Remus, regardless of how handsome and kind and sweet Ollie promised to be.  It happened with everyone else he had met for the past three years.  Why would Ollie be any exception?

Saving Sirius from saying something he might regret, James shouted, in a way shockingly similar to how he screamed in History of Magic earlier that day, “Shit!  I forgot about Quidditch!  I’ve got practice for the Slytherin match.”  He vaulted over the bench, grabbing the pasty half from Lily’s grip and sliding it into his robe pocket.  “See you guys later!”

“He really is an idiot, you know,” Remus said, and Sirius almost felt like getting up and hugging James for making Remus speak again.  Lily laughed, too softly for the tension that remained, brushing her hair behind her ear.  She looked between the two of them, glancing back and forth and back again, and Sirius’ exasperation still remained heavy on his face, regardless of how amusing James’ departure was.

“How about we go to the common room?” she suggested, getting up before waiting for their responses.  Although Sirius had yet to finish any part of his meal, he followed, his loss of appetite strong but fear for Remus’ reaction even more intense.  Because Remus and Sirius were still unwilling to speak to one another—Remus out of anger and Sirius out of fear—Lily settled for asking easy-to-answer questions about James, ones Sirius assumed she already knew the answers to, for the sake of maintaining the casual air of their conversation.  The walk to the common room took far too long like this, next to Remus but still feeling so far away, trying to smile at Lily’s comments on Remus’ answers but struggling with following through with the reaction, too aware of the sound his shoes made as he walked along the wood, then the stone, then the carpet of the common room.

Remus took his regular position on the long couch facing the fireplace, finding his book on the side table right where he had left it that morning and opening it up to read, or leaving the usual fraction of space where Sirius could sit.  Disheartened, Sirius took a seat in the armchair besides Lily, who smartly asked him to braid her hair.  She hummed a few tunes Sirius was familiar with and a few he didn’t know as he combed through the red strands with his fingertips, separating sections to braid.  The distraction didn’t last long enough, naturally, and before he knew it Sirius was casting another longing glance towards Remus, Remus who was asleep with his arms up by his face and his book lying atop it.

“He’s not that angry, you know,” Lily said.  Her voice was so soft the crackles from the fireplace almost covered it up.  “I’m not exactly sure what he was feeling, but it’s Remus.  He can’t stay mad at you for long, anyways.”

Sirius looked over at her, and she was wearing that smile only she could wear believably, that was small and warm and understanding while still not knowing all of the answers.  “Would you help me get him into bed?” Sirius asked.

Lily nodded, and they got up together.  Before he did anything else, Sirius grabbed the book and marked the page Remus was on, setting it down on the side table back into place.  As Lily grabbed his legs, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’ chest, digging his right arm between the sofa cushion and Remus’ robes so he could face Lily, ensuring they would both lift Remus up at the same time.

“Go,” Lily said, and she and Sirius had Remus in the air haphazardly, making a scrambled and somehow painless trip up the stairs.  Lily nudged their door open, and the silence they were met with making Sirius feel somehow even more uncomfortable.  But, without the willingness or energy to say anything to Lily, they progressed forwards and did their best to not merely plop Remus down on the bed, but place him.

“I’ll take it from here,” Sirius said once Remus was laid down.  “Thanks, Lils.”

“You’re welcome,” Lily said, shutting the door behind her, leaving Sirius and Remus alone.  Sirius exhaled deeply, not realizing how much tension he held in his chest ever since Ollie asked him out, and glad to finally release it.  He began with taking off Remus’ shoes, carefully untying them and slipping them off of Remus’ heels in the most gentle way he could manage.  Once both were off, Sirius put the Converse in the one empty spot under Remus’ bed, finding it in him to smile at Remus’ relentless organization.  He then pulled the covers up, almost to Remus’ chin but not quite touching, knowing that’s how Remus would do the covers himself.  It must have been the jolt of the bed that shook Remus awake, as when Sirius was just beginning to tuck him in, he heard a soft calling of his name.

Too abruptly, Sirius turned to face Remus, the accidental acceleration causing their faces to end up only inches apart.  Remus’ eyes were struggling to stay open and he visibly resisted the urge to rest his head on his pillows.

“Don’t worry, Moons,” Sirius assured him.  “I’m just tucking you in.”

“‘Kay,” Remus breathed, letting his eyelids flutter shut and his cheek fall onto his pillows.  If it wasn’t for the depth of intimacy the gesture contained, so tender it clearly crossed the line, Sirius might have leaned down and pressed his lips against Remus’ forehead.  Instead, Sirius went back to tucking Remus’ sheets underneath his tall frame, replaying Lily’s words in his mind, and praying that Remus’ reply affirmed that she was correct in saying he couldn’t stay mad at Sirius for too terribly long.

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KEEP READING: Part Three: “Goodnight, Stars” 

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Taglist (let me know if you want to be added): @siriuslyimmoony @who-cares-unknown @boring-viola @cinnamonrollswithmoony

[s-oulpunk]

Winn Schott Jr Is Not Straight

Summary: Winn comes out to  his friends, and realizes the world isn’t as scary or homophobic as he thought (and his friends are a lot gayer than he knew)

TW: Mentions of homophobes, some swearing and homophobic slurs at the end

Coming out to Kara was easy.

Okay, that wasn’t 100% true.

She was very accepting and managed to wipe away Winn’s nervousness with a soothing smile.  But the points leading up to telling her, that was less easy. Winn had always struggled with his sexuality.  He had spent years laying awake at night, wondering how he could possibly have feelings for that girl in math class, yet also have the same emotions come up when the boy from english made eye contact with him.  Throughout all of high school he was constantly changing his mind, one day deciding he was straight only to realize that perhaps he was gay the next day.

Not that he ever said any of this out loud.

He never had many friends he could confide in about this sort of stuff, and telling his dad was definitley off the table.  He was scary enough without being disappointed in his son’s possible gayness.

It wasn’t until Winn was in his twenties that he found the term bi.  The relief he felt when he realized there was a term that fit him, that he wasn’t just confused, was over whelming.  He wanted nothing more than to be able to call someone else and scream “I’m normal!  I’m not a freak like I thought!” But there was no one who would understand.  Because even if he knew he wasn’t a freak, what if everyone else thought he was.

And even when Winn found friends he could tell, a part of him held him back.  Every time Winn got close to saying anything, all he had to do was remind himself of all the insults during high school and he was biting his tongue again. But he hardly ever got close to saying anything.  While he would love to tell Kara and James, it never felt like the right moment.  He was almost positive they would accept him, he had never heard them say anything even remotely homophobic, but the everlasting fear was always there. The day he came out to Kara-to anyone-is an accident...Sort of.

They were cuddled up on Kara’s couch, marathoning Harry Potter and stuffing their mouths full of buttery popcorn.

“Tom Felton is totally boyfriend material,” Kara whispered, more to herself than to Winn.

“Totally,” muttered Winn without really thinking about it.

For a moment the world felt like it had stopped.  Winn held his breath, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.  How could he have been so stupid?  He had been so careful, how could he ruin it all now?

“I’m not gay,” he blurted, not able to think of anything else in his panic.

But Kara just laughed, her eyes sparkling happily. “I figured you were joking.”

“Oh.” Winn almost felt disappointed.  As terrifying as the thought of coming out was, it would be a relief for someone to know.  So, swallowing his fear, Winn whispered out, “I’m not straight either.”

“Neither is Harry Potter,” said Kara through a mouthful of popcorn. “That boy is definitley bi.”

Winn’s mouth suddenly felt as if it was full of cotton, his tongue feeling twice as large as it should.  His brain felt like it was short circuiting.  The moment had finally come and he had no idea what to do.  His instincts told him to laugh it off and continue on, ignoring this moment for the rest of his life.  But he pushed that away, forcing himself to think of some response.

“I-Um-Yea-Yeah.  Me too,” he mumbled.

Kara didn’t respond right away, and for a moment Winn was worried he had made a mistake.  But then Kara was nodding slowly and cuddling closer to Winn.

“Me too,” she whispered.

Winn buried his head in Kara’s shoulder as he felt a surge of hot tears flood his eyes.  He didn’t say anything, too focused on keeping the stupid tears at bay to think of something.  Whether or not Kara knew about the silent tears threatening to spill over, Winn didn’t know.  He almost didn’t care.

He knew Kara wouldn’t care if he did burst into tears, but crying really wasn’t something he wanted to deal with at that moment.  He just didn’t want this to be a big deal.  He wanted to be able to say his coming out wasn’t some emotional rollercoaster.  But it was.  It might just be the biggest rollercoaster of his entire life.

“I love you,” whispered Winn. “You’re my best friend.”

“Right back at ya, you big nerd,” Kara said teasingly.

Maybe a rollercoaster was okay. [][][] Telling James was a whole other story.

Kara had promised not to tell anyone, but Winn couldn’t help but feel paranoid that James somehow knew.  James had always had that impression on him.  Every time Winn looked into James’ eyes he felt as if the taller boy somehow knew each and every one of his deepest, darkest secrets.  Which was, of course, ridiculous.  But maybe it was part of the reason why Winn tried so hard to avoid him after they first met.  It just made Winn so uncomfortable.  The thought of someone being able to see right through him was maybe the most terrifying thing Winn could think of (And coming from someone who’s friends with Supergirl, he could think of a lot of terrifying things).

Over time he had gotten used to the feeling of being see through, managing to push the paranoia to the back of his mind.  It didn’t take long for James to win his friendship, with all his warm smiles and soft words.  It made Winn feel safe in a way entirely different from the way Kara made him feel safe.  Not that Kara didn’t make him feel safe.  But James was someone who immediately made you feel like you were a friend.  Which would be why Winn couldn’t avoid James.  As terrifying as he originally was, Winn had to admit he did immediately feel welcomed.  Sure, he felt like all his secrets were being exposed to the world, but he felt welcomed.

“I think I’m gonna tell him.”

Winn stumbled as he whipped around, his panicked eyes searching for Kara.  It didn’t take long to find her, offering him a small smile from across the room.

“Wh-What?” Winn choked out, glancing around the room for anyone who could be listening, despite the already obvious fact that they were alone.

“James,” Kara said.  Then, after realizing what Winn must be thinking, she hurriedly added, “I won’t out you.  I just...I feel bad.  Like I’m hiding something from him.”

“I know what you mean,” whispered Winn.  He had spent the majority of his life feeling that way.

“I’ll tell him tonight,” Kara said decisively.  Then, as if they hadn’t just been talking about it, “That I’m pan.”

Winn nodded quietly, his mind running a million miles a minute.  If Kara told James she was pan, did that mean he had to tell James he was bi?  That’s not how these things worked, right?

“I’m sure he won’t mind,” Winn found himself saying.  And though it seemed to reassure Kara, it couldn’t calm Winn’s racing mind.

Winn half expected to tell James when Kara did, to have a sudden burst of bravery and finally be free of the anxiety that curled at the pit of his stomach. But he didn’t.

Instead he found himself smiling through the whole thing, pretending like his words weren’t somehow trapped in his throat and playing on the tip of his tongue at the same time.  But he could never vocalize them. So he went home still feeling as alone as ever, guilt eating away at him at a rate faster than he could’ve imagined.

He couldn’t explain why the guilt was so bad.  It almost felt like he was purposefully hiding from James now.  Before he could’ve chalked it up to the fact that it had never come up before, but now that it /had/ come up, there was no excuse for Winn’s silence.

It was thoughts like these that held him captive from sleep.  No matter how heavy his eyelids got, the sickness in his stomach was enough to keep him staring blankly at the darkness ahead of him.  There was so much of it, the darkness, it almost felt suffocating.  It was all he could see and Winn was positive that if he tried to move at all, the darkness would keep him trapped in place.

But eventually he did move.  At nearly 3 AM, when he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and scrolled through his contact list.

Each ring was torture to Winn’s ears, and the only thing that kept him from backing out was pure exhaustion and three cups of coffee.

“Winn?” James’ voice was groggy and tired, and perhaps a little annoyed at being awoken at such an ungodly hour. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s the darkness, James!” blurted Winn. “It’s keeping me frozen!”

For a second everything was so quiet, Winn could’ve heard a pin drop....if there were any pins to drop.  Then, from the phone, “What?”

“I...” The words died on Winn’s tongue.  What was he thinking?  How could he do this, and now of all times‽ “I can’t sleep.”

“There are pills for that, ya know,” James grumbled.

“I...I know...”

“So?”

“What?”

“Why did you call?”

Winn wanted to kick himself.  Of course that excuse wouldn’t work.  He doubted any excuse would.

He supposed the only option was to tell the truth.

Each breath he took was like tiny daggers shooting into his lungs, screaming at him to stay silent.  Each time he opened his mouth it was like someone had glued his tongue to the bottom of his mouth.  Each time he tried to talk it was as if his throat was slowly closing up, his vocal chords being slowly severed with a wire.

“Winn?”

Winn just needed a few more moments.  Just a few more.

“You still there?”

He just needed to calm his pounding heart.  He just needed to be in a place where he could actually speak.

“Winn?”

Shit, he was going to leave.

“Wi-”

“I’m bi!”

Winn didn’t think there had ever been a silence more terrifying.

“So you, me and, Kara are like the three bisexual musketeers?”

“Technically Kara’s pan,” Winn said, feeling lightheaded.

“Right.”

“So you’re not upset I didn’t tell you?” Winn’s voice sounded small to his own ears.

“I mean, I don’t usually appreciate being woken up at a time like three in the morning, but for something as important as this.”

“Thank you,” Winn choked the words out, thankful James wasn’t here to see the way Winn had to blink furiously to keep the tears at bay.

“Of course.”

“Okay,” whispered Winn. “I think...I think I can sleep now.” [][][] The third time Winn comes out, he’s the one doing the comforting. Since telling James, his guilt about keeping his sexuality quiet had lessened.  The two most important people in his life knew and accepted him, and as far as Winn was concerned, that was enough.  It still wasn’t something he was open about, but the crushing guilt of keeping it to himself had disappeared.  He supposed that was at least a step in the right direction.

Despite the fact that he no longer felt the need to tell someone, the thought of Alex finding out still terrified him.  Not that he thought she would think any less of him, she was just so intimidating, the thought of telling her just about anything was frightening.

It was all irrational.  He knew that, of course he did.

He loved Alex like a sister, he knew she wouldn’t think any less of him just because he tended to lean more towards guys.  But no matter how comfortable he was with himself, her tough demeanor would never fail to remind him of the kids in high school.  The ones who stood around their lockers all lunch because they were too cool to actually eat.  The ones who spray painted the windows and carved their initials into the lockers.  The ones who broke Winn’s arm under the school bleachers because he stared at the cute guy from english class for too long.

Alex would never do those things, though.  She was a badass but she always had good intentions.  No matter how tough she got, she was still the same girl who got too tipsy at Kara’s Halloween party and declared herself “Lord of the Small Cats”.  Maybe that was the only reason she hadn’t managed to scare Winn off yet.  Even if she was tough as nails, she was also one of the most kindhearted people Winn had ever met.

Not that he would ever tell her that.

Not even if he had accidentally walked in on her sobbing her eyes out.  Well, maybe then, but honestly Winn wasn’t even sure if it would help.  What are you supposed to say to a person like Alex in a moment of weakness?

“Are you alright?” Might as well start with the basics, Winn supposed.

Alex’s head snapped up, her breathing catching in her throat and her teary eyes darting around the room for the owner of the voice.

“Winn,” she said, rubbing furiously at her eyes. “What-What are you doing here?”

“I...I don’t know,” Winn answered lamely. “I was on my way back from the bathroom and I just...heard...I saw you here...” he let the words die off his tongue, not quite sure how to continue.

For a moment he stood in silence, fidgeting awkwardly with his hands.  Maybe he should leave, maybe people like Alex didn’t want people around them when they cried.  But no matter how much his mind screamed at him to leave her alone, he couldn’t get his feet to move.  It was as if someone had stapled them to the ground, forcing Winn to stand there as Alex tried to wipe away any evidence of her tears.

“I’m fine,” sniffled Alex, voice wobbling. “Just...stuff...”

“Well do you wanna talk about this stuff?” Winn suggested, an awkward chuckle escaping his lips.

The deafening silence that followed was terrifying.  Every breath he took seemed to be too loud, too distracting, too invasive.  Alex didn’t seem to notice but all Winn could think about was how damn loud his breath was.

Winn was just starting to regret his suggestion when Alex awkwardly gestured for him to sit next to her.  And suddenly his feet were able to move as Winn scurried to her side, squishing himself into the corner.  The wall made his spine hurt and the concrete floor hurt his ankles, but Winn forced that to the back of his mind as he offered Alex a soft smile.

Alex let her breath out in a loud huff as she let her head fall softly against the wall. “It’s...complicated.”

“Well good thing I found you then because if there’s one person who understands complicated, it’s me,” joked Winn, hoping it would lighten the mood.  Alex chuckled a little, almost pityingly, but he still counted it as a win. “You know my friend, Maggie?”

Winn’s heart started to speed up, his fingertips suddenly feeling as if all the blood had rushed out of them.  Was this it?  Was this the moment Alex would say something terrifyingly homophobic and Winn would have to lock the closet door forever?

“Uh-huh,” he choked out, forcing his head to give a little nod.

“I...I don’t see her as...as a friend.” Alex spoke her words slowly, as if she were searching for them as she spoke. “I mean I do!  But I don’t.  It’s...weird.” She paused, as if hoping that would be enough for Winn to understand.  When it was clear it wasn’t, she continued, “I mean, I think she’s great.  She’s really pretty and funny and nice and a good cop, and she likes pool, and beer!  She likes beer!  That’s always a plus!  But anyways, I’m starting to think...I dunno.  Maybe it’s stupid.”

Winn shook his head, almost too afraid to speak.

Alex sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Never mind, it’s ridiculous, I’ll just go-”

“Heyhey!” Winn blurted, his words spilling out almost faster than even he could understand. “It’s not-It’s not stupid.  Or ridiculous, or whatever...Just-Just sit...sit down.  Should I get Kara instead?”

“No!” exclaimed Alex. “No.  I’m...not ready to tell her yet.  I just need to think it through.”

She glanced over at Winn and for a moment, just a moment, Winn could see past her tough girl facade.  Their eyes locked together and for Winn It was almost like staring into a mirror.  The same fear he had felt for years was being reflected back at him.

The silence was back, as if the fear was holding them hostage.  It was taunting them with their voices, giving them a few words, but not enough to coherently tell the other what they needed to know.  Winn held his breath this time, not wanting to be too loud.

“I think I like Maggie...as more than a friend,” Alex finally said, shattering the silence with her words.

But the fear didn’t go away.  Alex didn’t have to say anything for Winn to know that was going through her mind, to know that she was desperate for a reply.  Good, bad, anything.  As long as she knew what he was thinking.  It was a thought process he was all too familiar with.

“I think you two would make a wonderful couple,” Winn said softly. “A wonderful, terrifying, badass couple.”

Alex let out a loud bark of laughter as a wave of relief washed the fear away.

“I’m...not straight either,” Winn admitted, for once not afraid to look her in the eye as he said it. [][][] The fourth time Winn comes out it’s more of an accident.

Work had always been a place where Winn kept to himself.  As afraid as he was to come out to his friends, accidentally outing himself to an acquaintance at work was perhaps one of his worst fears.

His first job was a crappy pizzeria, a place that made its customers pay too much, yet still payed its workers too little.  He smelled like pizza every day, constantly had grease on his hands, and was forced to constantly serve his high school peers shitty pizza.  But it wasn’t the worst job.  He got free pizza slices, got a few extra bucks, and it was a great excuse to get out of the house. Not that that meant it was any heaven on earth.  The kids who came through were rarely anything less than cruel, and even his own coworkers were people to be avoided when he wasn’t at work.

At first he had thought it would be a good way to make new friends, but by the third week one of the other boys had broken his nose because he looked “too gay”.  So it couldn’t be a surprise to anyone why Winn was always a little closed off at work.

Kara was the first person he had really ever opened up to, and perhaps the only reason he didn’t feel the need to keep to himself once he got to the DEO.  The DEO was the only place he had ever worked that didn’t feel like a prison.  The only place where he had a plethora of friends, and he didn’t constantly worry about being judged.

Not that that meant he was planning on coming out there.

Unlike coming the conflict he had always had about coming out to his friends, coming out at work was never a struggle.  It was never even a consideration.  Work was always a place where he kept to himself, even if he had friends there, and it wasn’t that easy of a mindset to change.

And as much as he loved working at the DEO, he always held onto that tiny sliver of fear.  The fear that some coworker was going to re-break his nose, or that something would happen to tip his boss off and he would be fired.  Again. But this wasn’t that easy of a concept to explain to his friends, especially after J’onn was so accepting of Alex.

“It’s different,” Winn insisted. “He wouldn’t worry about you hitting on him.” “J’onn’s not going to think you’re hitting on him,” Kara said, laughing as if it were ridiculous.

“I don’t understand what all the fuss is about,” Mon-El said. “On Daxam, being interested in more than one gender was a common occurrence.”

“Well here on Earth it’s not so common.  And people don’t tend to like anything weird,” Winn huffed, his words perhaps coming out snarkier than he intended.

“You’re not weird, Winn,” said Alex, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

“I know that,” muttered Winn, perhaps more as an excuse to get out of the conversation than to actually tell his friends the truth.  He turned away, fiddling anxiously with his keyboard in some desperate attempt to avoid the conversation.  He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised to find it didn’t work.

“J’onn’s not going to hate you, Winn,” Alex insisted. “He’s a good guy.”

Winn’s lower lip wormed its way between his teeth, his eyes refusing to move from the computer screen.  He sat, frozen, for a couple moments, trying to allow his brain to think of an argument that could convince them.  That could prove to them, that it wasn’t as easy for him as it was for them.

“I just...I can’t loose this job,” he finally whispered, clamping his hands on his thighs to stop them from shaking. “I love it here.  And I love all of you.  I love working with all of you.  I can’t-I can’t risk it.”

“But you’re not risking anything,” insisted Kara. “It’s all inside your head-”

“You just don’t get it!” blurted Winn. “My entire life has been a series of events telling me to ignore who I was, to push it away!  I would love to believe you, but I’ve had enough people convince me to trust them, only to turn out to be some fucking asshole when they got a glimpse of who I really was.”

He squirmed anxiously in his seat, the silence from his friends causing a nasty feeling to fester in his stomach.

“Sorry, I just...” he hesitated, searching desperately for something to say.  When he came up blank, he stumbled to his feet and pushed past his friends, muttering out, “I need to go-I’m sorry-I can’t be here right now-I-Sorry-”

he threw himself into the first room he could find, slamming the door shut behind him.

Maybe he was being stupid.  He knew not everyone would be like those people in the past, he knew someone would accept him.  But it was much easier to imagine that person being some faceless person he would meet years from now, maybe at a bar or a concert, not someone he worked with now.

Everyone he met, especially at work, he placed a wall in front of.  And over the years he had gotten exceptionally good at it.  He was able to connect with people without letting them see certain parts of him.  Which, alright, maybe didn’t make for terribly good connections, but they were good enough.  Even if he was never invited out for drinks, or for game night, he always had someone to talk to on his break.

At least, until now.  Now not only was he being invited out for drinks at the local bar (an alien bar at that, what a plus!), but he had a group of friends who he could call up at any time, who he could binge all of Big Bang Theory with, who he was having game night with nearly every other weekend, who he could consider family.

Maybe that was why it was so important to come out.

“Agent Schott!  It’s time to come out of the closet!”

Winn nearly choked on his own spit, panic rising in his chest.  How could they do this to him?  He had been positive that even though they didn’t completely understand, they understood enough to let him come out on his own terms? He threw open the door, his eyes burning with uncontrollable anger and hurt.

“Who told you?” he blurted, fighting to keep his voice from shaking. “Was it Kara?  No, I bet it was Mon-El.  Fuck.  And I thought he was getting better at understanding Earth’s customs.  Can’t he understand that I don’t have to tell everyone I’m a fag‽  That I don’t want to be labeled as the local queer‽  Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, J’onn, but it’s not fucking okay to out people!”

J’onn waited until he was done, his arms crossed patiently over his chest. 

“You’re standing in the DEO closet, Agent Schott.”

Winn felt as if he had been hit with a boulder. “What?”

Glancing around him, he found that the room he had locked himself in was much smaller than he had originally thought.  He hadn’t noticed in his rush to get away from everybody, but he had in fact closed himself in the nearest physical closet.  It was as if the world was playing some crazy, fucked up, ironic, horrible joke on him.

“O-Oh,” he whispered, heat slowly creeping over his face. “I-I’m sorry.  I didn’t-Fuck-I’m really sorry.  I’ll get back to work now.”

“It’s not the worst thing to happen here,” J’onn waved it off. “I’ve had worse happen to me than being yelled at by a frightened human.”

“I-I’m not scared,” Winn insisted, his eyes darting around nervously.

“good,” J’onn said, and Winn was thankful he didn’t bring up. The obvious fear in his voice. “You have no reason to be.” [][][] When Winn got to work the next day, he was pleasantly surprised to find a small bi flag sitting on his desk.  Next to it was a small note from Kara, Alex, and Mon-El.  A smile flickered over his lips as he read over it, warmth filling his chest.

“Winn, We’re sorry about yesterday.  But we’re so incredibly proud of you for coming out.  I hope this is the first step in being able to love this part of you. Love, Alex, Kara, Mon-El. P.S. I hope you’re happy to find you’re no longer bi-yourself.”

Most of the letter was written in Alex’s handwriting, though the PS at the bottom was clearly in Kara’s handwriting, and the sticky note was surrounded in smiley faces that Winn assumed Mon-El drew.

He couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he stuck it to the top of his computer.  Maybe he didn’t have to be so skeptical of everyone.  Sure, coming out was an absolutely terrifying experience, but in the end there was no doubt it was worth it.

Despite Kara’s awful pun, she was right.  Winn was no longer alone and he didn’t have to fear coming out anymore.  He wouldn’t be shouting it from the rooftops, and he was positive he would still be petrified nearly every time he had to open the closet door, but the most important people in his life accepted him.

Winn had always felt a like there was some tiny hole in his heart, due to the fact that he would never have a family to come out to.  He never even had a foster family to come out to, as he was being dragged from one home to the other almost too often for him to remember.

But as he stared at the little sticky note on his computer, and the small flag that laid on his desk (he would need to get something to hold it up later), that hole suddenly felt like it had been closed up.  Because he had a family after all, and not only did they accept him, they loved him.  And Winn couldn’t have been more grateful.

[irishsunshine-n-l-l-h]

I went on my first date...

So, I went on my first date last night, and I waited to write anything about it because I didn’t know how I felt about said date, but I need to write to figure this out so...

We started talking on Tinder for about three weeks before he asked if I’d go on a date with him. We’d talk for hours, like start at 8pm and go to 3am, long ass talks about pretty much everything. He was nervous about saying something stupid or being awkward. (For more info, he’s about two years older than me).

I chose to have the date at a park near my house. There’s a walking trail and a area to sit, (it’s also a very open public space). So we got there at the same time and I felt like the moment I saw him that something was not off in a creepy way about him but I was just not digging his vibe, I guess. 

So we wondered around the park and up on the walking trail for a while, it poured and we only had a small umbrella so, half my body was soaked. 

Now, I have anxiety and depression issues, as well as issues with my dad (and the rest of my family on occasion). His mom has a lot of issues, and long story short she’s not a nice lady. But I’d say something about my mom (me and my mom get along really well) and he’d have to counter with his mom’s issues. (To me the correct comparison to make would be his good relationship with his dad or stepmom instead of his drunk mother. My dad’s and asshole, I get it, sometimes parents are shit. But it felt like I had to be understanding of his situation while he just waited for me to finish talking, but never commented much on the more serious things that I said.

But this next part goes back to him saying he was worried about being awkward, because he interrupted me, then I continued on with my story, then he interrupted me again to apologize for interrupting me, then interrupted me again to apologize for interrupting me to apologize. 

I had fun, I guess. We were at the park talking for like 6 hours, so we got along. But I also found out that he doesn’t like boxer or pit dogs...my dog, Jimmy is a boxer-pit mix. Also, he apparently was in a marching band that our school hosted at our marching band competition, and I found out that he dated a girl that I really don’t like (I went to grade school with her, she creeped me out).

Throughout the evening, he’d say things about like when we go on another date (if this one worked out), that he likes food so we are definitely going to a restaurant, and if I meet his parents, and if I meet his friends. And he asked if I wanted to go to a 4th of July party with his friends (I said I’d think about it). 

Anyway, so it starts to get dark out and I’m like, “Well we aren’t allowed in the park when it gets dark out” (which is the actual rule of the parks in the area). So we wander back to our cars. And he seemed slightly annoyed that I only hugged him, but I think he was just being awkward, because I told him that I don’t really like people touching me. (Side note, he does not give good hugs. not even before I told him I don’t like people touching me). 

Either way, he’s been really nice about me having basically no experience when it comes to dating, like he’s okay with taking things slow, because that’s what he wants too. But at the same time, I feel like he just wanted us to work out way too much. Like there were things that he said that just didn’t sit right with me, like when he talks about what his friends do, and how, guys just need guy time so they can be themselves and say what they want without being called out by females.

The thing is, I said I agreed with him, when he said that he felt like there was something there between us, meanwhile, I’m standing there wondering if I do want to see him again, and how long I can put up with him before I call it quits so I don’t hurt his feelings right here, right now. Because I did have a nice time, I just wasn’t feeling any spark. Meanwhile, he was talking about the long distance things once he goes back to school...in like three months.

Then he said, “So it’s too early to say boyfriend and girlfriend, but I think we can say that we’re dating? Like I’m not looking to date anyone else...”  To which I stupidly said yes, because my ability to say anything against a man, especially when it’s dark out and we’re alone, is nonexistent. And made some joke about no one wanted to date me anyway, so I could go along with that. So, now I’m exclusively dating this guy, I guess.  

As I said before, I’m a horrible human being, and I’m slightly freaked out about the fact that I had a good time, but don’t feel anything for him. To which I had to ask myself if I was gayer than I thought I was, and maybe that’s my issue of not liking him, but then I saw a pic of Jensen Ackles and I’m like nope, still bi. 

I got home and I just looked around my room and thought of how disconnected the entire evening with him felt from my interests. My makeup, my writing, my favorite books/tv shows, my love for one direction and Niall’s music (which I mentioned and he shut down pretty quick...like shut up, I said I’d try watching anime for you). But I thought about it, and I think who I was in high school would’ve dated him, but I’m very different now from who I was in high school. 

I don’t look forward to seeing him again. I don’t like the idea of him touching me. I’m going with starting out as friends, so we can hang out then decide if we want to date, but he just jumped right into dating and I could even get the phrase, “if it doesn’t work out, we can at least be friends” because of my inability to say anything against a man, and because I don’t want to be friends with him. 

I am not bashing people with anxiety or depression, because I struggle with it every fucking day too, but I don’t think I can be with someone, with the unsure-ness that he has. He said I looked younger than 23, well, he feels younger than me. (He said something about not having any luck with past exes, making it their fault and not his, which idk how much of that is true because it could be.

I know my anxiety makes me nit-picky, but I guess even if you can spend 6 hours talking to a person, it doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be together.

I don’t even know where I fall on this... I know I’m used to being alone and I told him that, so that he wouldn’t message me every day (because it gives me anxiety and I get nothing done(I didn’t tell him that part). But I’m used to not seeing my friends for months on end and just occasionally messaging them. 

I’ve been accused of leading guys on, because I get jumpy at commitment on any length of the spectrum. I think I know what I want and need, so when I see someone going a different way than what I want, I jump ship, put a stop to things and never talk to them again (they usually never talk to me) so I stop trying. 

Idk. Maybe I’m just a bitch and a tease (who doesn’t want to be touched by most people). Another guy messaged me for like half an hour this morning, but I think he lost interest. I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe I’m more gay than I thought. Fuck if I know. But I guess I’m dating someone... =/

[spaceorphan18]

Changed For The Better 1 [Klaine Advent Day 1]

Rating: S for Shenanigans Word Count: 1624 Summary: AU - Kurt’s a struggling actor living in New York, and is currently working on a Made-for-TV movie starring Cooper Anderson.

A/N: Written for (or really should say inspired by because this is not a drabble, lol) Klaine Advent Day 1: Attachment.  

///

Changed for the Better - Part 1/24: Empire State of Mind

Cooper Anderson was pointing in his face again.  Not at him. Not near him.  Literally in his face.  Every scene. Every take.  Kurt Hummel, no longer bewildered by his costar, blinked slowly and took a resigned step backwards.  Cooper didn’t even notice.  

“There she is, my one true love,” Cooper exclaimed.  He was not a real person.  He was a cartoon character come to life, shouting all his lines, never following any kind of direction, and of course, pointing.  

“Then you should go get her.” Every time Kurt recited the line, it was with less enthusiasm.  He was trying.  He really was.  But after fifteen takes, it was getting harder.  He almost choked on the cheesiness.  “If she is your one true love, and you know that she is, you have to tell her, show her even. You need to do something big – like propose!  And oh my god, if you’re really going to propose you better bring the bling because there aren’t two lovebird soulmates in this world as glorious and fabulous as the two of you.  And you know if you like it you have got to put a ring on it.”

Oh, god, did the writers have Beyonce on repeat while they came up with the screenplay?  

“You’re right, Julian,” Cooper suddenly grasped his arms then paused and gave him a confused look.  Kurt wasn’t sure if Cooper was trying to pause for dramatic effect, or if he had just forgotten his next line.  Kurt leaned in, waiting.  “Darla has to know how I feel.  And what better day to propose then on Christmas?”  Cooper whipped around him, nearly knocking him over in the process, as he ran off screen.  

The director yelled cut.  And thankfully, they didn’t have to do the scene again.  

Two months ago, Kurt had been thrilled at the idea of being in a movie.  Sure, it was one of those cheesy, made-for-tv Hallmark Christmas Specials - Love On The Page - the story of two abscent-minded people who met at a bookstore, and fell in love over their shared love of reading romance stories - but it was a movie.  And in the five years that he had been out of college, roles hadn’t exactly landed in his lap.  So when there was an audition came up for the role of Julian Harper, the very flamboyant (and ridiculously stereotypical) gay best friend who helped get the main characters together, he took it.  Hey, he was in a movie.  Neither Rachel or Mercedes could say that.  It was also a job - one that he needed if he wanted to keep living in New York.

The bonus, at first, was working with Cooper-body of a god-Anderson.  He knew of Cooper his many insurance commercials.  The commercials didn’t do him justice.  Cooper was one of the most attractive men he had ever seen in real life.  He was also, Kurt learned soon enough, one of the most annoying.  After two months on set, Kurt didn’t feel so lucky anymore.  

“Kurt,” Cooper placed an arm around his shoulders.  Kurt rolled his eyes - here we go again.  “The director seems to think your performance was fine.  And it is, it is…”

“But…”

“But,” Cooper clenched a fist.  “I’m just not feeling the intensity from you.  Where’s your passion, Kurt? Look, I know you have an attachment to the methods you learned in that radio school-”

“Musical theater.”

“Same thing.  But you’re all in your head.  And real passion comes from here.”  Cooper slapped him on his chest.  “That’s your heart, Kurt.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Also, I think you can play the part a little, I don’t know, gayer.”  

Kurt raised an eyebrow.  The only way role of Julian Harper could be any gayer was if he literally fucked a dude on top of a Pride parade float while singing Judy Garland, with RuPaul and a bunch of drag queens swirling rainbow flags behind him.  

“Wait,” Cooper paused again.  Kurt couldn’t tell if he liked being that dramatic, or if it really took him that long to process a thought.  “Are you really gay?

Only Cooper Anderson would ask that.  

“Yes…”

“I should introduce you to my little brother.  He’s not quite the talent that I am, and only half as good looking, but some say that we’re twins.  Only, we’re not…twins.  He’s also gay, and…”

“Nope,” Kurt didn’t even want to imagine what a less attractive Cooper-twin would be like.  “I’m good.”

Kurt managed to slip away before Cooper could try to give him any more advice, or try to set him up on a date.

On his way out of the studio, Kurt bumped into one of the producers, who happened to be escorting a very attractive blond man into the studio.

“Oh, hey, Kurt, glad I bumped into you,” the producer said.  “Seems we found you a boyfriend.”  

Kurt did a double-take.  “What?”

“Meet Sam Evans, we just cast him as Julian’s boyfriend.”

Oh right, the last scene where everyone ends up happily-ever-after in a flashforward.  

The blond man held out his hand.  “Hi, I’m Sam.  Sam-I-Am.”  

Kurt shook it “Hi, I’m Kurt.”  

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Sam grinned. “I mean I’ve never really done a movie before.  I’ve been on a set but mostly for modeling.  My agent said it’d be a good role to take if I wanted to do a little more with my skills.  I’m still not sure, but I can’t believe I’m on a real movie set.  This amazing, right?  Wow.”  Sam continued to shake his hand as he spoke, and for a moment Kurt couldn’t help but crack a smile.  It had been a long time since he met anyone with such genuine interest in what was going on.  It was a nice change - infectious almost.  “Looking forward to working with you, Kurt,” Sam said as the producer ushered him away.  

“Yeah, same.”  

/

It was Friday night, and unlike most people in New York City, Kurt had nowhere to be.  He wasn’t ready to go home yet, despite the six hours of the Facts of Life waiting for him on DVR.  The apartment felt too lonely since Adam had left.  And as much as he was glad that was over - as much as he was glad he had his own space again - the ache of loneliness was beginning to creep up on him again.  It didn’t help that Mercedes and Rachel were always busy with their own lives.

“Kurt, I’m so, so sorry I can’t make it to dinner tonight, sweetie,” Mercedes said over the phone as he walked to the subway. “I have to get this track finished.  The album’s on a deadline - and if I don’t get it complete, they’ve threatened to use autotune.  And you know my voice doesn’t sound good autotuned.  We’ll have dinner tomorrow, I promise.”  

At least Mercedes had a legitimate excuse.  Rachel seemed to be all over the place lately.  “Kurt, Jesse’s taking me out to dinner tonight, and I really think it would be beneficial to my career to go,” Rachel had said that morning when they met for breakfast.  

“Jesse? What happened to Brody?”

“Brody and I just weren’t connecting,” Rachel had said.  “Plus, I found out that he was sleeping with half the city.  But it’s fine.  It’s fine.  Jesse’s great and we’re connecting much better.  It probably helps that we’re costarring in the same show.  Think of the publicity we’ll get if we’re dating - people will just line up to see if the chemistry is real or not and it is. And the show will be a huge hit.  And then guess who becomes the star? Me.  And then I’ll be getting plenty of offers and next thing you know, someone will be writing a musical based on my life - and if Jesse and I have such a great connection, he can star in it, too.  Don’t you see?”

He was used to Rachel’s brand of crazy, but what he really saw was his friends succeeding when he felt stuck.  Just stuck.  

He took the long way home that evening, stopping to check out a new music store, and grab some takeout on the way home, delaying the inevitable return to an empty apartment.  

But when he arrived home, someone was waiting for him.  

That someone was dressed like a glittery, steampunk love child of David Bowie and Lady Gaga.  “Hi, I’m Elliott Gilbert.  I’m supposed to be meeting a Kurt Hummel here - I answered an ad about needing a roommate?”

Oh, god, Kurt had completely forgotten.  “Oh, right, right,” Kurt said fumbling for his keys.    

“Sorry, I don’t usually look like this - well, mostly of the time anyway, I just got off a show.”

“A show?”

“Yeah, I’m in a band,” Elliott gave an easy smile.  “But don’t worry, I won’t practice at home if you’re not into that.  I just – really need a place to sleep, and keep my stuff.   See, my last roommate just got married, and this other band I was in, I stayed a lot at their place, went out to the LA scene, but I’ve been in New York for, I don’t know, ten years now, and it feels too much like home, you know?  Anyway, they’re raising rent at my old place, like, a couple grand, which I can’t swing even with a roommate so I’m really hoping this works out because it’s either this or moving in with my current band - which means a single loft with six people in Bushwick, or I guess moving back to New Jersey.”  

For the second time that day, Kurt gave an honest smile.  Maybe things were looking up.  

[littlelovelymemes]

✰ * º ❛ more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  if i’m ever murdered i hope they make the chalk outline of my body hot  ’ ‘  i hope you end up ok  ’ ‘  i’m crying my best  ’ ‘  how fucked up would it be if an astronaut was coming back to earth and everybody hid for a bit  ’ ‘  some kid just skateboarded down my street crying  ’ ‘  do you ever get in an “i don’t know” phase in your life. where you literally don’t have a solid answer to anything. you. just. don’t. know.  ’ ‘  i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself  ’ ‘  which of the three pillars of modern music is your favourite: burnin’ up by the jonas brothers, beautiful soul by jesse mccartney, or lucky by britney spears?  ’ ‘  you know my name… and also my story cause i overshare 24/7 tbh  ’ ‘  @ all of u that hate mint ice cream: what happened  ’ ‘  there is no doubt in my mind i’m really that bitch  ’ ‘  after you hit 21, you start forgetting your age cause ain’t nothing else to look forward to, besides sweet death  ’ ‘  why am i not currently in the italian countryside with a fruit plate wearing a light linen dress? unacceptable  ’ ‘  hands are weird because one of them can do absolutely everything without a problem and the other one can’t even hold a spoon  ’ ‘  remember to drink a fucking shit ton of water every miserable day of ur life  ’ ‘  what the fuck is a good day  ’ ‘  sleeping pattern: ??¿?¿??¿¿¿?¿  ’ ‘  is he………you know…….*makes football throwing motion*….straight?  ’ ‘  does anyone else have a resting bitch face™, but kinda enjoys looking intimidating  ’ ‘  i’m not like most girls [rips off sunglasses]… i like most girls  ’ ‘  time flies when u take a 2hr depression nap in the middle of the day  ’ ‘  roses are red, i’m going to bed  ’ ‘  u know when ur hairs greasy and it makes u feel so so so bad about urself. and ur entire life. everything is awful bc my hair is greasy  ’ ‘  i’m just so glad the word “ugh” was invented  ’ ‘  just another day of loving with all my heart and believing in the universe  ’ ‘  you know when dogs sit outside with their face turned towards the sun and their eyes closed and they look so relaxed and when you pet them they’re warm that’s how I want to feel always  ’ ‘  come into bed and listen to the rain with me  ’ ‘  i hope all my girls out here r safe n being loved  ’ ‘  people are so petty and then here i am, me, an angel,   ’ ‘  i want to have angel wings and be kinder, braver and more tender  ’ ‘  concept: a really nice italian restaurant but it’s spelled “spagooter” on the menu and the waiters won’t take your order unless you pronounce it like that  ’ ‘  i want kids but i’m scared they’ll blame me if they’re ugly  ’ ‘  does anyone have any tips for not thinking about it  ’ ‘  “what’s a queen without her king?” well, historically, better  ’ ‘  i want something that doesn’t taste like alcohol but has a lot of alcohol in it  ’ ‘  i’m alive out of spite  ’ ‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up  ’ ‘  a bad person? who, me? that would be correct,  ’ ‘  you hate me? wow u think ur hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so u can go grab a number and wait ur turn  ’ ‘  my heart does a little “!” when I see you  ’ ‘  i just want to say from the bottom of my heart i didn’t sign up for this shit  ’ ‘  i deadass lost interest in everything. im just cruising on autopilot rn  ’ ‘  still got love for some people i know i’ll never talk to again.  ’ ‘  my mitochondria clearly aren’t working because this bitch has NO FUCKING ENERGY  ’ ‘  y’all i get attached to people so quickly wth  ’ ‘  i wonder how many strangers hate me bc of how someone else described me to them  ’ ‘  for the 80th year in a row, the song of the summer is Everytime We Touch by Cascada  ’ ‘  it’s weird to think that people who are 5 ft are only 5 subways long ’ ‘  in alcohol’s defense i’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too  ’ ‘  man this has been the worst life of my life  ’ ‘  having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch  ’ ‘  I Have To Be Dramatic. I Have To  ’ ‘  forgive and forget?? haha no resent and remember  ’ ‘  “you’re obsessed with yourself” and you’re not??? sad. tragic  ’ ‘  are people becoming more annoying or am i becoming more angry  ’ ‘  do my dark under eye circles and unwashed hair turn you on  ’ ‘  KIDS REACT TO existentialism and the inevitability of death  ’ ‘  remember to do your best to be positive with a clear mind and believe in aliens because those motherfuckers are real  ’ ‘  personality: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK  ’ ‘  my gender is “pretty boy”  ’ ‘  what others call a rebellious phase i call the sudden realization i don’t deserve to be treated like garbage  ’ ‘  what is a sex drive? where is the sex going? does it even have a license?  ’ ‘  i don’t want to look “pretty” i want to look otherworldly and vaguely threatening  ’ ‘  i’m not interested in being polite or heterosexual  ’ ‘  do re me fa so done with you  ’ ‘  ctrl alt delete feelings cause i can’t do this shit no more  ’ ‘  i may seem like an asshole, but deep down i’m a good person and even deeper down i’m a bigger asshole  ’ ‘  should i go back to school tomorrow or should i fling myself into the ocean  ’ ‘  am i too judgemental or is everyone annoying: an autobiography by me  ’ ‘  are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch  ’ ‘  i love drunk me but i don’t trust her  ’ ‘  has anyones crush ever actually worked out for them or is that a myth?  ’ ‘  i say “fight me” a lot for a girl who is 5′3″ and has a hard time opening some doors because they’re too heavy  ’ ‘  if i had a dollar for every time someone called me ugly i’d have 0 dollars bitch u thought lmao  ’ ‘  my last words will probably be sarcastic  ’ ‘  i used to be a straight a student. now i’m not even straight  ’ ‘  ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened  ’ ‘  single and ready to find aliens  ’ ‘  it’s very important that i am both cute and powerful  ’ ‘  i want to make friends but at the same time no  ’ ‘  there’s a special place in hell reserved just for me, it’s called the throne  ’ ‘  hi i’m here to ruin everything  ’ ‘  i’m glad dogs can’t read the ‘no dogs allowed’ signs so they don’t feel sad and feel left out  ’ ‘  we’re all better and gayer people than we used to be  ’ ‘  every time i speak i am reminded why i should not  ’ ‘  every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough  ’ ‘  i don’t know what i’m feeling but there is a lot of it  ’ ‘  the rumors are true: i’m soft and i just want to be loved  ’ ‘  i’m like a hexagon: all my hecks r gone  ’ ‘  we all know that one person you get sexually frustrated just looking at  ’ ‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on  ’ ‘  my kink: not having to set an alarm for the next morning  ’ ‘  on the bright side, at least i am not addicted to cocaine  ’ ‘  they called me stupid?? well joke’s on them i don’t even know what that means  ’ ‘  i might get a lot of shit for saying this but i think it’s fun to enjoy things  ’ ‘  i’m the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person i know  ’ ‘  assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student id number  ’ ‘  there she goes again, being over dramatic and by she, i mean me  ’ ‘  if u don’t know how to respond to something just say ‘how dare you’  ’ ‘  um that’s u’re* not ur  ’ ‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on  ’ ‘  so sick of looking at my purse and not seeing $20,000  ’ ‘  literally want to be rich for the clothes  ’ ‘  me??? upset???? yes constantly  ’ ‘  a good gender neutral term to use is ‘fool’  ’ ‘  today’s schedule: suffer  ’ ‘  my middle name is actually $$  ’ ‘  don’t u hate it when u wake up and ur awake  ’ ‘  i want someone who will light a fire in me  ’ ‘  i want someone who will light me on fire  ’ ‘  i’m too cute for 90% of the shit i go thru  ’ ‘  who needs therapy when you can Realize™ things about yourself alone at 1 am  ’ ‘  why is there so much blood in my alcohol system  ’ ‘  no offense but i am a blessing to this earth  ’ ‘  haha oops i care about you  ’ ‘  they call me calcium because i give everyone strong bones  ’ ‘  do you have that one person that you can’t look at when you’re trying to be mad at them because they’re so cute??  ’ ‘  hi i’m here to ruin everything  ’ ‘  one day i’m gonna say ‘fight me!’ and someone’s just gonna fuckin deck me  ’ ‘  me? a jealous hoe? absolutely  ’ ‘  it’s raining but it’s not men so what’s the point  ’ ‘  i think i may be gayer than i originally planned  ’ ‘  i can’t hang out tomorrow i’m too busy doing nothing alone sorry  ’ ‘  me? overreacting? shit probably  ’ ‘  i would like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i’m doing  ’ ‘  is there a scholarship for trying  ’ ‘  me?? using sarcasm as a defense mechanism??????? what?????  ’ ‘  i don’t know what i’m feeling but there is a lot of it  ’ ‘  i require a lot of attention or you get a lot of attitude  ’ ‘  “what the fuck” is an emotion now and it’s the only one i have  ’ ‘  you’re important to me, you piece of shit  ’