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issaxcharlie · 3 years

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You’ll always be the answer

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Fem Reader

Requested: YES💚

Summary: For the first time Charlie and Y/N have to do an interview together and things get pretty interesting and chaotic as always with the couple.

*In the wired autocomplete section the part of the question that was covered will be in bold*

Pretty much based in the we say we’re friends world, (yes, again😤 I love their dynamic I’m sorry) you only need to know that Y/N is a musician by profession, wrote the JATP soundtrack, a childhood friend of Charlie and now his current girlfriend.

The couple is completely excited because today they have their first interviews after the confirmation of the second season of Julie and The Phantoms, and usually they are not on the same interview team so this is new. Charlie always does them with the band and the singer usually does them with director Kenny Ortega representing the people behind the scenes.

“Hello everyone, I’m Charlie Gillespie and I play Luke in Julie And The Phantoms.”

“And I’m Y/N Y/L and I play Daniela in Stardust.”

“Baby, you are here today as the songwriter of the album.”

“I know?” She thinks for a few seconds until she realizes what she said. “Oh. Well, this is embarrasing. Make my selfpromo accident worthwhile and watch Stardust after watching JATP!”

“Nice safe, beautiful. Pretty natural.” Her boyfriend teases as she smiles proudly.

“I like to believe I could be an actress.” Charlie begins to laugh at the seriousness with which she answered and looks at her, full of happiness. He loves that they can enjoy moments like this where their careers can go exactly on the same track.

They know that it will not always be this way so they should make the most of the experience.

“I’m excited to have you back, Y/N. And a pleasure to meet you Charlie. You both sure are full of amazing energy, I love it. Let’s start with the questions. Charlie, this is your first leading and in a fairly complete role, you acted, sang, danced and even wrote one of the songs, how was the experience?”

“Pure magic. They are all incredibly talented and so supportive of us, they worked so hard to unleash our full potential in an accelerated manner. They had a lot of patience with me in the dance part, they taught me to use my voice properly, they supported me in the change to electric guitar, it was simply a dream to work with every single person in the project.”

“Sounds amazing. Next question is for you, Y/N. Much has been said about the unreal chemistry between Julie and Luke. How was it for you as his girlfriend to have to witness it live? As I understand you were present throughout the recording."

"Oh man, it was awesome!" Charlie laughs at her pure response and the interviewer looks at her in disbelief.

"I'm Team Juke all the way. I know I may sound like a liar or something since I'm the girlfriend, but here's the thing.

I can't see my Char in Luke. Charlie is so good at bringing him to life that I can't believe that cool rockstar is my adorable goofball. It’s like Clark and Superman with the glasses thing. Beanie and electric guitar? Oh, hi Luke. You are so hot, wait... don’t tell Charlie I said that! Bandana and acoustic guitar? Hey baby, give me a kiss in the forehead and sing me to sleep.

What I was saying again? Oh, yeah. So... I see Juke and I’m soft, they are perfect for each other.”

“So you think Luke is hot, huh.” he pretends to be jealous and folds his arms.

“What can I say, I have a thing for rockstars, my legs melted during now or never."

He snorted a laugh. “Good to know.”

The interviewer cannot contain a laugh of her own.

"It's always a pleasure to have you here, Y/N. You are such a character and I always enjoy listening to you, and I love that even though the years go by and you are no longer so new in the industry you continue to have that fresh and iconic personality."

“Thank you so much Maria, If I can be myself here it is thanks to the beautiful atmosphere that your interviews always have.”

“My pleasure, ‘golden star’. Let’s continue. Y/N, We know you already knew Charlie, but who did you get along with better from the rest of the cast?”

“Oh my, definitely Owen. He was Charlie's roommate throughout the project so we hang out together a lot in our free time taking turns as third wheel. I'm pretty sure he's going to apply the same card to me this second season now that I'm gonna be the roommate.

But it’s okay, I totally deserve it. May the best third wheel win, Joyner!” Charlie grins and does a fistbump with his girlfriend who looks really hyped about going back to Canada with the band.

“I’m rooting for you, girl! Let’s go back to Charlie a little bit. The album that Y/N wrote is a resounding success and a very important piece for the series to be as brilliant as they are. I imagine that the four of you have a special affection for the album, but how do you feel that your girlfriend was the one who wrote a soundtrack of that level for such a special project in your career?”

Charlie looks so proud. He looks at her in a way that makes the young woman blush.

“I’m just so blessed that the things happened they way they did. She’s the love of my life, you know? I couldn't be more proud to sing her songs. She has always been insanely talented and nothing gives me more happiness that knowing she gets to do what she loves and is able to share it with the world.”

The singer's eyes water and she puts her head on the actor's shoulder, who kisses her hair sweetly.

“You two are so pure and so cute to watch, I have a new favorite celebrity couple.”

They continue the interview for a few more minutes and then they have to move on to the second section, in which they are handed some boards with the most searched questions on the internet regarding them.

“Okay guys, introduce yourselves again. I’m not going to be in the segment this time so you’ll have to help each other.”

Both agree without confessing that they have seen videos of this segment until 5 in the morning when they have nothing to do the next day and have sleepovers.

“Hi, we are Charlie Gillespie and Y/N Y/L and will be doing the wired-autocomplete interview today!”

“Okay handsome, let’s start with yours.” Charlie smiles and takes the sign in his hands, while his girlfriend removes the first tape and reveals the first question.

“Does Charlie Gillespie have a girlfriend?” Charlie smiles proudly and kisses his girls nose.

“I do, and she’s so adorable.” He touches gently her cheek and she closes her eyes at his touch.

He gives her a light kiss in the forehead and then uncovers the next question.

“What is Charlie Gillespie like in real life.”

“I’ll answer this one, Char’s a total goofball. He is cheerful, funny, always full of energy, talented, caring, and really, really hot. All done, next question!”

He laughs while blushing and reveals the next one. “Is Charlie Gillespie married?”

“Well I tried but someone ate the ring.”

“I would do it again, it was really good. Answering the question, he is not yet, but he is taking too long, maybe one of these days I will declare myself.”

He opens his eyes wide, he knows very well that his girlfriend is capable of doing it, and honestly he wants to be who does it, so he makes a mental note to prepare everything soon. Thank god he is working on the rings already.

“It’s Y/N still dating...”

“If the question says Ross Lynch I’m goin’ to lose it. No shade though, man.”

She laughs, after the James Larkin show, a lot of people showed anger as they felt that she was a much better match with the blonde, and Charlie couldn't help but feel a bit offended.

“...Charlie Gillespie! Yes, baby!” Both high five, Charlie looks almost relieved, is adorable.

“The answer is always yes folks, get use to it.”

“Who is Y/N’s best friend?”

“Well, this one is easy.” She turns to see Charlie and gives him a flirtatious little smile. He blushes and reaches out to kiss her, but she answers the question just before their lips touch.

“Ross Lynch.” She leans over and presses her lips against his for a few seconds as Charlie reacts to her response and then gapes in disbelief.

“You did nOT.” He laughs and and wrinkles his nose feigning annoyance.

“Yes I dID. But to be honest, has to be this man right here. Not a lot people know this but we’ve been best friends all our lives, so yeah. You baby, of course.” He blushes and kisses her hand, clearly happy with the answer.

“Is Y/N going to be in Julie And The Phantoms S2?”

“Will you?” He asks, genuinely curious. She never tells him what Kenny secretly confesses her about the project so as not to be unfair to the other members of the band.

“I will, but probably still back the scenes, guys. I'm really enjoying this part and learning from the best of the best so I am very happy not to be in front of the camera for now.”

“And you are doing an amazing work, love.” She grins and kisses his cheek.

“Thank you for watching us being ridiculously corny for 30 minutes, don't forget to watch Julie and the Phantoms Season 2 only on Netflix! I feel sorry for that poor people that will have to see how cheesy we are.”

“We were still recording Y/N, but never mind. The editing team has a lot of work ahead.”

“Well, damn. I’m sorry guys!” Charlie laughs for the thousandth time today. There is nothing better in life than sharing your days with your best friend. He can't wait to formalize that ‘forever’.

Thank you for reading✨

NEXT PART HERE

Taglist: @writerinlearning , @ghostofmgg, @strangerthanfanfiction713, @thebloodthirstyvampress, @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa, @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13, @ifilwtmfc, @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals, @imsydneywalker, @really-dont-forget-it

#charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie fic #charlie gillespie fanfic #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie one shot #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie imagine #luke patterson fanfiction #luke patterson oneshot #luke patterson imagine #luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson x reader #jatp one shot #jatp fanfiction #jatp imagine

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autistic-lalli · 3 years

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I dont know how to properly frame my question, but autistic!lalli has always been a headcanon I readily claimed as canon in my heart because it MAKES PERFECT SENSE in my brain. But besides me, what I'd like to ask is what traits/habits/behaviors Lalli has that immediately clicked to you that he was autistic? Or showed that he was? Like, gush to me about them

(this is mainly so I can get better at writing him and also because I'm curious to know! Actually, SLAP me with EVERYTHING about Lalli, if you can 😂 I'd love to actually know everything)

This topic was also requested by @the-story-isnt-over-yet ! This post is for both y’all :)

I’m going to try to keep this organized, but we’ll see how successful I am. First up, I’ll talk through Lalli’s general traits, then the traits I picked out quickly and resonated with, and then I’ll touch on a couple other things that stand out to me!

Sensory Experience

Lalli repeatedly displays sensory-avoiding and sensory-seeking behaviors. He likes soft textures and sweets—he picks himself up a big ol’ fluffy cloak in Adventure 2, and his mind conjures him a nice and soft one in his dreamspace, and we all know how he feels about pastries. He’s always willing to eat sweets and breads, which suggests that Lalli has samefoods as well (samefoods are like a comfort food, but taken up to eleven; foods that always sound good, sometimes to the point that they’re the only thing an autistic person can eat.) It’s just a single line, but where Lalli tells Emil that he hates blueberries, it makes me think of a very specific picture (I’ll link it later if I can find it.) Blueberries, and other fruit, don’t taste the same every time! Some are sweet, some are sour, some are mushy, some are grainy, and some are juicy. When you don’t know what to expect from a food, this makes it hard to want to eat it, even if some aspect of the flavor is good.

But I digress! One thing that I resonated with right away with Lalli is that he clearly has sensitive proprioceptive awareness. That just means the sense of where your body is in space. When Lalli sleeps or hides under a bunk or table, he’s reducing his sensory input. Being in a small space is comforting because there’s less space to be aware of.

Lalli is also sensitive to touch, which is a fairly easy trait to spot. He doesn’t like the friendly punches the crew delivers, and even balks at Emil’s touch when he’s upset. There are exceptions, but those exceptions come at times when Lalli is calm and expecting the touch to occur.

And sound! Lalli doesn’t like loud sounds, in particular loud people (sorry, Sigrun.) This is a great place to talk about Lalli’s shutdowns. We don’t see Lalli experience meltdowns, but he does have a shutdown a couple times. Shutdowns are a response to stress and sensory overload. It looks different for everyone, and since it’s internal, it’s hard to tell how exactly Lalli’s shutdowns run. However, we see him cover his ears to block out sound and hum (“mrr!”) in order to calm himself down. He’s just trying to regulate his sensory experience. His humming is also an example of vocal stimming.

Social Difficulties

Lalli definitely has social difficulties, but it can be hard to tell which difficulties are due to the language barrier and which are due to his brain chemistry. But! Paying attention to the first part of the story, when he’s with all Finnish-speakers, as well as the dream sequences can really help us hone in on those traits.

Lalli, in general, doesn’t understand other people beyond what they say. He doesn’t understand body language or sarcasm—he doesn’t get why everyone’s punching him, he doesn’t know when Tuuri’s joking and when she’s serious, and he stares at Emil because he’s curious about him and doesn’t realize it’s impolite. He doesn’t notice when Emil is rude and doesn’t understand social scripts like saying “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” When he wants to express approval or comfort, he gives a soft pat to the other person. More touch than that might be too much for him, but he does want to express something, and pats are an excellent tool in that way.

Lalli’s inability and/or refusal to learn or use the crew member’s names also gives us insight to how Lalli faces social conundrums. To him, everyone else is more distinguishable by the epithets he gives them—their names don’t mean anything. It’s like naming someone “flower delivery guy” in your phone contacts instead of “Greg.”

Lalli also isn’t easily frightened. The only times we see him be really afraid is when someone he loves is in immediate mortal danger. The everyday stuff like trolls and omens don’t scare him, which is certainly in part just because he’s used to these things. Trolls and spirits are an everyday part of his life. But an unusual lack of fear is a common autistic experience as well, so I suspect it goes beyond Lalli’s accustomation.

Other Traits

A couple other things that didn’t fit into either of the former categories! First of all, the rubik's cube. That’s just autistic solidarity. Emil picked up a stim toy for his bf, we love to see it.

But also, Lalli relies a lot on his routine. That’s probably why the military, and scouting in particular, suited him. He has his own personal routine that is the same day in and day out. He tries to keep a routine on the expedition, but isn’t able to, which increases the amount of stress he’s under. Nothing is predictable, which automatically makes everything more stressful.

Relationships

I also think the dynamics of Lalli’s different relationships are super interesting and really highlight some things that aren’t often covered in media with autistic characters. It’s super heartbreaking the way Onni and Tuuri don’t seem to understand Lalli. Tuuri especially doesn’t understand why Lalli does the things he does, and doesn’t seem to make any effort to understand, which is sadly a common experience for many autistic people.

On the other hand, Emil’s reactions are the complete opposite. As I put it to a friend once, Emil often makes mistakes with Lalli, but he never crosses the same boundary twice. He lets Lalli have agency in their relationship. If Lalli has a boundary that inconveniences Emil, he doesn’t complain about it, he simply adapts. Lalli has very specific needs in his relationships, needs that are both unusual and difficult for him to communicate, so it’s far easier for him to just default to being a loner.

Me & Lalli

On a personal level, I have a whole lot of these traits. I stim with soft things, I’m sensitive to sound, I tend to be hypersensitive with my proprioceptive sense, I had to intentionally teach myself to read body language (I work as a theatre artist, which helped a lot,) I’m not easily frightened, I’m sensitive to touch and sound, and I certainly struggle socially. Furthermore, I actually had an untreated sleep disorder until about a year and a half ago, so I deeply resonated with Lalli’s chronic exhaustion.

Truth be told, I headcanoned Lalli as autistic from his introductory card, and I knew he was autistic within ten pages. Chronically exhausted and doesn’t know what’s going on? Mine now.

The Autism Metaphor

I talk about this some in my autism and superpowers post, but I really love that Lalli is both autistic and is living an autistic metaphor. It’s not uncommon for characters who can see or sense other things (ghosts, spirits, emotions, danger, etc.) to read as autistic, because that’s what autism often feels like. Our sensory experience is so distinct and we are so aware of it that it can feel like a superpower at times--in a good way and in a bad way. We’re living in a sensory world that a lot of neurotypical people don’t understand. Furthermore, these kinds of powers or sensitivities usually come with an isolating social impact in these stories, which only strengthens the metaphor for autism.

But Lalli has both actual autism and is a mage. He sees spirits and omens and can sense when trolls are near, and also is sensitive to sounds and doesn’t like to be touched. These things aren’t related to one another, but they all read as being in the same category, which both deepens the metaphor and makes him really interesting as an autistic character.

This is also why Onni readily reads as autistic as well. We don’t have as much direct evidence for him, and in many ways his trauma seems to run much deeper than it does in Lalli and Tuuri, so it’s hard to separate out what’s a trauma response and what’s an autistic response. Overall, I’m quite a fan of “no Hatakoinen is neurotypical,” but that’s a post for another day ;)

I’ll also be posting a panel or two of an instance where Lalli is displaying an autistic trait each day for the month of April!

#stand still stay silent #sssscomic #lalli hotakainen #autismacceptancemonth2021 #meta #actually autistic #long post

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junkworldusa · 3 years

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Raudive Voices

(process post for TV comic)

i’ve been really into william burroughs the past month & haven’t had a chance to make much art until now. i decided when i had free time my first project would be a cut-up comic: i would divide pre-written dialogue into small sections and pull random images to go with each section. then i would faithfully copy these down & translate them into the form of a comic. in other words, the dialogue would be transcribed exactly as written, while the images that went along with it would be random (first sign of cowardice; if i was going all-in i should have mixed up the dialogue too).

burroughs described reading poetry with the TV on in the background and making notes of what he was reading when certain images were on screen. that’s the vibe i wanted, hence the TV frame (also a coward’s move-- ANYTHING can be on TV, no narrative framing necessary!). i wish i had had the randomness of TV but the internet sufficed.

[ask me about my collection of portentous jeopardy answers]

first i wrote a draft of dialogue to get a sense of the pacing. i printed it out, chopped it up into 20 "panels" and glued these to index cards (i ended up adding 7 more panels throughout the process). these were flipped over, labeled 1 through 20, & set aside.

i spent a day compiling screencaps of movies, commercials, TV shows, cartoons, news segments, etc. i tried not to think too hard about what these were in-context, but i did choose a couple movies for their thematic relevance (zero dark thirty, dr. strangelove, the day the earth stood still.) i printed the ones i liked best, cut them up, & numbered the backs. there ended up being 65 of these.

[ambien ad i liked but didn’t end up using]

the next day i laid out the 20 index cards & the 65 images face-down & pulled up two random number generators: one set to 1-20 and one 1-65. i began generating pairs and matching the corresponding images to their cards. i kept everything face-down the whole time b/c it felt fun and dramatic to get to flip them all at the end.

finally i began flipping over the cards & their images in sequential order, one card at a time. if a card had multiple images, i flipped the one that was generated first & only looked at more if i felt unsatisfied. this meant there was some kiana selection involved, as most dialogue cards had at least 2 images to choose from, but over half of the images in the comic are the first ones flipped (including some of my favorites). i fiddled around w/ pacing for a while, adding 7 new panels & generating images for them with a similar method. then it was time 2 make the comic

[what my desk looked like. the pencils are in blue so they’re barely visible, but they were finished at this point.]

i was really satisfied with the results of this experiment. there are strange & interesting juxtapositions of word & image that i couldn’t reach just by sitting around and brainstorming.

“Thousands of people dreamed about 9/11″ generated Neo waking up from the Matrix (welcome to the Desert of the Real). “I’ve always been an obsessive guy” returned Ripley holding jones the cat close to her chest. “Lots of demonic influence out there” generated an alien spaceship: a significant number of christians think aliens are demons sent here to deceive us, including my mom. some pairs i was unsure or dismissive of at first but soon grew on me, like the simpsons at thanksgiving dinner praying as the atomic bomb hits.

even after the exciting part was over & the significantly harder work of “making” the comic began, i was still finding new meanings/patterns (for example the successive trio of Ash/Neo/Max Renn only dawned on me once i started inking-- all men, all covered in fluid [milk/amniotic/blood], all interfacing with machinery). at one point photoshop crashed and made glitch art-- that’s cut-up too.

if this process seems anathema to stuff i’ve written about comics in the past, that’s because it is. its also (obviously) stylistically different from brush and ink cartoon dogs. reason:

that being said, the inking took forever (5 days) at which point my enthusiasm had considerably waned (“FUCK IT, WE’LL DO IT LIVE!”) so i dont think i’ll work like this again. but i’m happy with the end product-- cold, eerie. america seen through multiple screens. or should i say...through a scanner darkly????? *shot*

thanks for reading!

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marvel-m-lee · 3 years

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Fire, Note books and a- kid? •Part 1 of M-Verse•

Warning! This series will include gruesome descriptions of blood, bodies etc. These may be rare but they will be graphic. (This one doesn't have much tickling but it has a⁸ little haha)

This Series is also a tickls series, so if you dont like it, sorry oof.

Fandom: Marvel

"CRAP" Sam yelled as he flew right under a collapsing tie beam. "Language!" The cap yelled through the intercom, they were on a mission. There had been an explosion in an old warehouse building, no one knows how it happened but once they got there the place was covered with fire and dead bodies.

They were now in the building, fighting what they believed to be ex hydra workers that went into hiding for more experiments.

Cap fought from the ground whilst Sam was trying to get some shots from above while reading looked for any potential prisoners.

"Ain't seeing nothing from RedWibg Cap, the place is about to blow, we've gotta get out" Steve had just taken out about 17- now 18 Hydra agents, throwing them in the burning flames or beating them in combat.

"Alright, have one more look around the perimeter. Nat get the Jet prepared for exit incase the place actually does blow" He yelled, fighting off the last two Hydra agents in his area, throwing one onto another knocking them into a large fire screaming.

"K, sam make sure there arent any survivors" Nat ran back to the jet and started it up, the lights turning on as it slowly began to hover over the ground.

"Will do Widow" Sam flew up above the collapsing building to get another view of the area.

"Black Widow or Natasha" A sassy voice explained down the intercom.

"Okay Spider Lady" A grunt was heard that made both Cap and Sam laugh. Sam was looking through Redwing and his own eyes and couldn't seem to spot anything. "It all seems clear" Just as he were about to fly back down though he noticed something.

A young girl, her hair stuck together with some blood, mixed with dirt and wood. Her skin covered with brown mud and small cuts, she wore a white ripped hospital gown, too no longer white- or had seemed to be in years?...

"Holy shit-"

"Language!"

"There's a kid- west bound, see if you can get her. Covered in dirt and seemingly blood, right near where the fire seemed to have started from the burnt wood scraps and dying fires around her"

"A kid? West bound? Nat how long we got left?" Steve asked, running through the flames, dodging their burns and running as fast as he could.

"Before the place explodes? From my view about 150 seconds, just over two minutes. But you're gonna need to be fast so we can all get out." Nat watched over the intercoms and the computers showing where Steve was.

"Take a left"

"What?"

"Take a left! I'm giving you the fastest route to the west bound. Keep running until you find large doors, go through them and the last one at the end should lead to the girl"

Steve stopped asking the questions and complied. It wasnt his first time saving a kid, but the closer he got, the more he saw about the place. Cages, torture chambers, training halls.

This place wasnt a good one, especially for a kid... He thought.

He found the large doors, chained shut. Before he reached them he threw his shield, breaking the locks almost instantly. He ran through, but stopped in his tracks. The room was full of blood, the sticky walls glossed over, there were bones, some shattered, some scattered. Not hundreds, probably enough for the bodies of a good couple of people though... it was gruesome. Some of the worst things he had seen in a while, probably since... well. The blip?..

How was a kid kept here? How did we not know sooner?...

The thoughts span round the super solider head, taking up more time than he would have cared for.

"Steve? What's happened why'd you stop? We've got a minute!" Nat asked, she was getting impatient, the adrenaline was rising and so were the flames, everyone felt on edge here, as soon as they stepped down something felt very wrong.

"Shit, yeah. Alright, I'm going!" Steve ran and soon found the young girl, she didn't seem too strictly harmed for being so close to the flames. And for surviving in this, this prison.

"Got her, how long have I got left?"

"45 seconds"

Steve now had the young girl over his shoulder, he was trying to run even faster than he had before. This place. Something else had been happening here.

As the 100 year old ran though, he seemed to notice the fire die down wherever he ran to, creating a simple path for him to run in. He spotted the jet, Sam was standing in the open doorway, waiting to see if cap would make it. Silently cheering him on.

"10 seconds Cap"

"Start taking off now, we'll make it."

"FUCK NO! HURRY UP MAN" Sam yelled, this time to Captain America ratger rgan through the intercoms.

Time felt like it was going in slow motion, Steve got close enough just to jump and as soon as he did the whole place behind blew up. It all went so quickly after that, Sam grabbed his hand, holding on with all his might as Steve held the young girl. Nat, quicker than ever, sped off into the sky, miles from the ground to make sure the explosion wouldn't hit them as harshly as it should have.

Steve lay on the floor, with the young girl cradled in his arms behind the shield so she wouldn't get burnt. He was staring at her, even though she was covered in- well not so flattering things, she was beautiful. Something within began stirring. Something warm, familiar...

"Holy shit my dude. We almost died!" Sam droned, going to sit down on the chairs they had.

"We usually almost die, its part of our job" Nat explained, walking in and rolling her eyes. "Nahhh, Nat even you know that place was off" Sam looked over to the spy who sighed and walked over to Steve to help him up.

"How's the kid?"

Steve stood up and pulled away the shield to show off a little girl with y/c/h hair, covered in mud and pieces of blood, tucked up into his chest, breathing gently. "Wow" Sam sighed from the back.

"She's not in as much bad of a state as I would have imagined?" Nat said, watching over the little girl. "She wasnt too close to the big fire, must have been thrown into the mud and spotty snow from the explosion." Sam suggested.

Steve just held onto the small angel in his arms. He felt as though it were only he and she in the world, that time was no longer relevant. He memorized every piece of her face, even the pieces with dirt, cuts and bruises.

Suddenly Nat snapped him out of it, "Alright, I'm going to go get Bruce over. See if she's alright. For now just but her on a bed." Steve nodded as the Spider left to go call Dr. Banner.

"We haven't got beds though?- oh fuck you man" Steve laughed at Sam, he had just pulled out a bed from the sides of the ship. "You didnt know?" He teased. He and Nat had let sam sleep on the chairs or ground for the past few years. It seemed to be a secret agreement not to tell him amongst the avengers.

"Nah man, that's cold" Steve placed the little girl down and pulled up the walls of the bed to make sure she wouldn't fall out. Watching her little breaths as Sam's words started to fade away.

"Oi you even listening to me?" Sam asked unamused sitting up and looking at the fallen solider. "She's gonna be alright Steve" Steve sighed, deep down he knew she'd be fine. But he felt something strange. Fear. Like he had just found an old journal or someone he hadn't seen for a very long time.

He sighed and stood up, walking over to the bird man who was now sitting up watching the soldiers actions. They both heard Natasha in the background talking with Bruce.

"She's gonna be alright Steve"

"I hope so..."

It was a while till they had all landed at the compound. Rogers and Wilson played some card games- dont question it, Roger's made Tony buy him loads for each mission. He enjoyed the games. He also won most of them.

Steve picked the young girl up and brought her to Bruce as the doors opened up, they lauded her down on a hospital bed and hurried off. Bruce stayed back checking in on everyone. "The mission?"

"A success as always"

Steve seemed quiet, Sam answering fir him rather than fir himself. He watched the girl be scurried along into the building.

"Did you clean all her wounds?"

"Mhm"

Steve looked down and nodded before they all began walking. He didnt mean to seem any less- well captain america-y, but he definitely had something on his mind. Bruce began to follow quickly to ask what's up.

"Hmm? Oh.. nothing. Just worried for the child" Steve tried to brush the feeling off but couldn't his gut had other plans. They wanted to see the girl, see if she was okay.

"She's gonna be alright, she only needs a few tests done- safe ones of course, blood pressure, cut cleansing etc" Bruce smiled at the much taller man. Oh god he was short. Steve smiled back to the Dr with 7 PHD's.

"Thanks Banner, I'm gonna go see Stark"

"Okay, stay safe, I'll tell you when she's improved"

Steve nodded and walked into the building, turning an opposite way to Banner and going to go see Stark. Steve was secretly very grateful Bruce would tell him about the child once she was improving. He felt a connection.

"Stark?" The 100 year old asked, knocking on the doors to the Lab.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y, Open the Doors for Roger's Pleade and Thank you" The billionaire didnt move from his seat, he had been working on some new tech as usual.

"Thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y" Steve walked in, still in his spandex from the mission covered in blood and dirt with little scuff marks all over from the fire flames.

"Its an 8 Code Pin Rogers"

"I know I know, I just can't seem to remember it"

Tony rolled his eyes and looked up leaning on his chair with one arm resting over the top.

"What's up?"

Steve furrowed his brows. "Hmm?"

"You, you seem... less Super, more Man"

Steve rolled his eyes, "I'm not Super Man Tony!" Tony just shrugged and chewed the side of his cheek.

"Dunno there Cap" The genius stood up and walked over to him, the man was much seemingly smaller without his heals on, just bare foot walking around. He got extremely close to the Cap and got on his tip toes leaning in. If he wanted he could have kissed the man he were so close, though they both knew it wouldn't happen, Tony just liked getting close to annoy people.

That's when the billionaire squealed and almost fell to the ground with a jump back, a light blush on his face. "Dick" Steve smirked at the man, he sure was one ticklish man, billionaire, genius who cares. He was still ticklish. Tony went to go sit back down.

"So what's up?" This time, happily keeping his distance.

"I saved a kid today"

Tony furrowed his brows and chuckled, slowly clapping his hands. "Well done soldier, you saved a kid"

"Tony im serious"

"Well I didn't really think you were lying-"

Steve stepped forward making the Billionaire loose his confidence. He never minded being tickled, but then again it didnt help his reputation being melted into a giggly mess. He was still really nervous. Steve smirked at the man but then continued.

"She was covered in dirt and bits of blood. But before I found her, I ran through a hall. It was Dark, but the raging fires lit it up. There were bones, scattered. Probably enough for a good few people, some big some small. And blood, all over the walls..."

Steve tensed up, remembering the place. "It reminded me of the war with Thanos."

Tony stayed quiet, no longer fearful of childish tickles. It seemed horrifying. Even for them. "Okay, send me the Locations, I'll get F.R.I.D.A.Y up and working on it alright?" Tony wasn't the best when it came to comforting, but he knew he could do something.

Steve looked up at him and smiled thankfully, but Tony coukd tell there was something else bothering. Yet he didn't want Steve to be too focused on it all.

"Hey, here" Tony grabbed something from within a draw, it had a captain America's shield on the front, he handed it to steve. Just a normal sketch book. And some pencils. "You're welcome to use these and sit down at the window or something while I work. Keep your mind off things.

"Thanks Tony" Steve smiled at the billionaire, he wasnt great at comforting, but he knew what Steve wanted. It was a strange friendship that's for sure.

"Look at the first page too! I did a little something" The billionaire smirked as Steve turned the book open, on the front was an IronMan helmet with a little speech bubble saying "I Am IronMan" and a little stick figure with a shield in a cage in the bottom corner saying "I stink!"

Tony burst out laughing at Steve's expression. Let's just say his laughing continued for longer than expected...

#steve rogers #y/n #tony stank #bruce banner #hulksmash #the avengers #endgame #tickling #tickle community #natasha romanov #sam wilson #gore tw #bucky barnes #steve x reader #tony x reader #dr banner #marvel mcu #marvel

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spirit-shroud · 3 years

Note

what are some roles that have been largely changed for cityrune? since you said queen was an influencer now :]

hi ty for asking me im vibrating. havent gotten to talk about this au now for three years and now that chapter 2 is like real and this time i can like........draw occasionally and i have more understanding of nuance...... [grips table] [screams]

this isnt quite what you asked but heres what's everyone from chapter 1 has been Up To with a little bit of context (and under a read more bc it got LENGTHY):

kris - professional stay at home teen (they live w/ asgore n help run the flower shop sometimes. this decision was entirely bc i dont like toriel). was wrongly diagnosed w Sudden Soul Rejection when they were incredibly young and given an experimental transplanted soul as a replacement. it works for them fine, give or take having to see gaster once a month for checkups. but sometimes the soul makes them skittish n decides they're going to sit in front of the pc and play 30 consecutive hours of a certain simulation game and not even let them drown people in the pool. if it were entirely up to them, they'd be like. passing out on the sofa to documentaries about bigfoot. or practicing cool knife tricks to impress their friends at their next tabletop meetup

- EDITED IN: the soul is kind of their friend. they are wearing a hypothetical get along shirt. most of the time, they agree on actions and things to do. tends to refer to themself + their soul as we/us which originally was just something they did in their head but they kept slipping in speech/text n just became a Thing of how they talk. switches to 'I/Me' whenever smth is wrong.

- also edited in: they believe the soul they have is their original soul bc nobody has told them otherwise. whenever theyre like 'oh yeah we think about our soul n view it as a separate entity to us like. all the time. it likes to hurt if we make too many choices it doesn't seem to like and kind of forces us to be a toned down version of what we want to be but thats just how souls are haha' and everyone is like.... 'Hey Kris That's Really Not How It Is.' theyre like. 'huh. gonna ignore that for now' - this was going to be a plot point

toriel - head of H0MEWOR1D (H01)'s department of education; kind of lost her roots as a simple math teacher as she was pushed into a lot of power she didn't even really seek out. divorced asgore over some miscommunications in their relationship; also loosely as a result of grief from asriel's death

asgore - the same. runs a lil flower/gift shop. people come in more to talk with him than to buy flowers most of the time, though

asriel Flowey - he's back in flower form, thanks to the government an accident. causes a lot of technology glitches wherever he goes, and wants revenge. isn't sure how to go about it. asriel "died" around 8 years before the story takes place and kris still misses him and refuses to even THINK about even the IDEA of calling someone their sibling after what happened, just in case it somehow happens a second time

susie - more of the same really. she spends most of her time either at grillby's (she's sort of become his assistant n helps with opening/closing. it just happened) or getting into low-stakes trouble w/ kris

noelle - she's in the city's equivalent of college and shes so tired. shes So Abysmally Tired n got kinda pushed 2 follow in her mom's footsteps. she's rarely around anymore except through text or on monsters & mages (dnd) night. (however.........she will come back w/ a long break n hang out w everyone again)

berdly - tbh i didnt even consider berdly when i made the au initially. idk what he's doing. probably in a similar situation to noelle??? canonically got kicked out of the M&M group due to clashes w/ other players but lurks in their group chat to posts memes sometimes

didnt rly think of any other of kris' classmates (+ their families) after ch1 and probably will continue to not, until chs 3-5 come out and i gotta whip up roles and histories for like. a lotta guys all of a sudden. i also forgot about noelle's parents

sans - runs a convenience store that everyone kind of thinks is a front, but also it has really cheap snacks and the local teens make a point of stopping there after school. so essentially, more of the same papyrus - similar to ut. is a very polite and sweet boy but you'll know when he's coming

grillby - he's back. he runs a bar like back in ut but the cozy vibes and weird-for-a-bar hours keep attracting kids who need parents, so half of his menu is comprised of overly sweet mocktails. usually only frequented by monsters

QC - same as usual. has a "rivalry" with grillbz but, theyre besties and have a book club

mettaton - he's real and he's back. he's similar to how he is back in ut w/ his EX body. likes to hang out at grillby's and talk to unsuspecting fans. has a show for everything

napstablook - similar to how they are in ut. helps mtt with making music sometimes. doesn't leave the house too often, but spends a lot of time posting on undernet

undyne - unfortunately. more of the same. she is a cop in the monster district. i am also upset by this but couldn't think of anything better for her

alphys - a doctor studying under dr. gaster in the hopes she'll one day take over his research. she spends most of her time as a nurse with a bigger title, though, and blocks out the weirdness of her job with anime.

gaster - weird guy. H01's top soul researcher and resident House wannabe. trying to manufacture the ultimate soul that can be controlled with simple internal switches, but so far he's only had 1 (very limited) success with a certain human. monsters just melt, and darkners just sorta......get weird... he's onto Something, though.

ralsei - lonely boy with some very strange hobbies. popular on UnderNet for poetry, baking videos, and general cryptid vibe. is the DM for the monsters & mages group (also seems to think everything is actually very fine in H01 when it is very much not)

lancer - about the same. professional Round Boy. lives w/ rouxls full time. follows susie around like a lost puppy and calls himself her "underling."

rouxls - runs a hotel/casino kind of deal where the objective Bad Guys hang out, and usually ends up doing any of the spade king's paperwork.

spade king - mafia godfather. kind of a dick. don't play cards with him

seam - works with the spade king as his right hand cat more or less because they have for a lot of years and are in that 'sunk cost fallacy' zone. thinks of retiring to a quiet life in the monster section of town like, daily

jevil - used to work with the spade king, but got imprisoned for Crimes. got weird after The Accident (separate from asriel's accident)

temmies (all) - dont really get mentioned except offhandedly but they run the monster space station. so far, are the only monsters who have ever been to space.

as far as chapter 2 goes:

yeah i dont have much so far for characters. in the original version of the au i accidentally made darkners as a whole just kinda..... not great? like all sorts of weird organized crime ties n sort of going out of their way to be A Problem to the city (not even in like. a revolution way. in a working against them but with the same goals kinda way). with the whole context it worked At The Time, bc i just had the spade king to look to as a villain, and also in this au the darkners are just trying to survive a world that ultimately was not built for them (that humans think they own, and monsters sort of... seeing this and wondering what it'll mean for them whichever one wins), but w/ new info abt how the dark world works n more guys to work with i want to kind of. edit the vibe a bit. like yea darkners will ultimately do whatever it takes to take over H01, but maybe in a better way than like. idk. all this. it doesnt have to be peaceful or anything it just has to be more adaptable as we meet more kinds of darkners

however yeah i thought up 'queen as some sort of childless mommy blogger/influencer' and that completely revived all memory i had of this au. she should be on mtt's talkshow. also she sells collectible wine glasses w/ her likeness

spamton is another one of gaster's failed soul experiments, but he hasn't melted yet, and seems............fine? sort of. so he hasn't gotten decommissioned yet. he does want to give you malware tho. hot monster singles in your area n all that

im blanking on the rest of the guys but i hope any of this was comprehensible

#kc takes questions #cityrune au #idk if tumblr still autotags things but if it does i am SORRY

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urkpoppsychic · 3 years

Text

TWICE READING: energy at this moment + love life update january 2021!

(Readings is for fun! This is not 100% accurate if you dont like it just move on, dont take it personally or serious!!)

Jihyo

energy

She is in the energy of making baby steps, now and doing it! Her journey is wide, the idea made seems scary but the idea is only an illusion of the truth. There is no need to hurry, She brings consistency and willpower. She knows she has the whole world on her back to support her. There is possibility for a solo or subunit or any new activity. Somehow her energy is good, she is focusing on her own journey and her home, at work she is very flexible. She is heading for a promotion in the music scene. The futuristic plans for the long term success has been seeded, where she gets a new creative opportunity to work, she is asking herself if this will work out ?

Her energy in her love life is mysterious and private, it shows me that she is emotionally unstable for manifesting a lover. I also sense that she and him (her ex) are not really done with each other… The chapter seems not closed yet.

Nayeon

energy

Nayeon has the same energy as jihyo. She might join Jihyo in a subunit, There are 2 options where she can choose and she might choose to commit the same energy and journey as Jihyo.

Unnecessary drama in her love life… She is wounded, none of these negative thoughts aren´t the truth now. She only protects herself by her past, not wanting to happen again. maybe afraid for all goods that are coming for her? But it's time to take a new risk of entering a new chapter of getting to know this person. Mature man, who got impressive and passionate charismatic traits. Creative in his hobbies. Definitely an artistic person. His hair color could have been reddish/orange color before. His height is tall. above 180 cm+?

Jeongyeon

energy

She is one with her own rhythm of her own cycle. Back to her normal life. She had to be patient in this process. She is still resting but it tells me that she is on the right path. Improvements in her personal life. Right now she cant promise yet to participate, but she is dreaming to be part of it and new options and opportunities she might have if she is getting better. I see her participate 2021 around midyear or after midyear.

Her partner is practical and financially stable. He might have opened her eyes… He might have offered her help or a sweet offer. He is thinking a lot about his long-term goals. He might own a business and he seems wealthy. He might have an earth sign, like Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn in his chart. He could be a businessman or an actor. blackhair with undercut. Height 179-186 cm.

Momo

energy

She is smiling and having fun, She is active and might practice a lot in the gym or dance her asses off these days. She is curious that she might hang out alot with Sana these days. There is lots of laughter in her energy and lots of tea. Like a Girls Night, just girls that want to have fun!

The card tells me that the relationship with Heechul has ended, someone has walked away from this connection, sensing abandonment and rejection. acceptance that things that she cannot change.

Sana

energy

A new chapter is present. The theme is about grounding, and physical change, She is one with her true nature. Counting down the days. She is communicative and playful, she is fast and expressive.

She has a partner for a lifetime. It might be possible that they will get married soon but that the dates will be postponed due to the external situations. She shares a harmonious connection with her partner. She is ready to co-create. There are still things that need to be improved in. But I see positive things at this time for her and her partner. Ready to stand their both feet on the ground and create. creating beauty, and miracles.

Mina

energy

She takes a step back and her energy is calming, While she is calm she also has some power within. She is aware of her situation and takes a small breath to and takes small steps instead of impulsively making a decision, because she most of the time dwells in someone's needs and opinions. She makes priorities for herself.

There is a man in her life, who might have the air sign in his charts… ( Gemini, Libra or Aquarius). Someone who is rational, serious and honest, someone who is very professional in his work and perfectionist. It seems like they are having a committed relationship. The relationship seems really peaceful. I do still feel it is someone from SM ENT. ( I suspect a Shinee member?).

Dahyun

energy

This person communicates, being together with her friends and making connections and bonding. Even at those moments she needs to also learn to rely on her own and not too much on someone's shoulder. She is an extravert and she loves to share things and do things together. She is also asking for some advice and help from others, it feels like home.

There is a new lover, new feelings in her love life. His approach was quick and straightforward. It was a click that fits. with no obstacles. They are in the stage of getting to know each other as lovers and having dates to explore like an adventure. If I could dive in his personality he seems to have some major boldness and impulsiveness in his approach, Someone that wants to explore and experience new opportunities. someone with a bright mindset. making new exciting plans. feeling playful and having fun. someone who is young at heart. I suspect someone around (1996) SM ENT.

Chaeyoung

Energy

She is sensitive and protective about her getting her feelings hurt. She is in a transformation for a new perspective but right now she is protecting her space. Giving her the time to grow is a way to make her come out of her cocoon, she just wants to be stronger. Because she is more used to avoiding opportunities that might be good for her, but sounds scary for her. She wants to think more realistic. Longing to change in a new color of her own growth.

She might not be in a relationship but friends with someone who she might have a small crush on. She is kinda afraid to lose her control. so she stays closed for a little. Missing the small materialistic opportunity. But there will be unspoken messages to the surface. Honesty and positive talks are presented between him and her.

Tzuyu

energy

She is feeling positive, happy, talkative… She is fast with messages. She is in a great expressive mood. There are no uneasy thoughts around her. She is flexible, being adaptable without compromising. Willing to learn new things and new skills. I see her thinking about trying some activities on her own. A new opportunity at work? baby steps for that new chance.

She might be in a romantic relationship, but the man may not be an idol. She is recovering her past wounds and she is moving forwards. carrying stress and burdens but she is almost there. there is no way to give up. It is heavy on her shoulder.

#twice #once #kpop #readings #kpop predictions #feelings #kpoppredictions #lovelife #personality #career #jyp #jihyo #nayeon #jeongyeon #momo #sana #mina #dahyun #chaeyoung #tzuyu

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txtenergyreadings · 3 years

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TXT - What is going on/ how are they doing/feeling/thinking? february 2021

Just want to remind u that this is just a reading for fun. Don’t take it serious and if you dont like it just move on. Energy can change and it is not 100% accurate. Thank you and enjoy the reading 😘

Soobin:

Past: 9 of waters: His wishes are granted, the worries are gone, he experiences a lot of love. Magician: He creates it on his own and manifests his wish to be fulfilled.

Present: 8 of air: an uneasy feeling of being trapped by his own thoughts, unnecessary thoughts about a choice/opportunity. 2 of Wands: There are pros and cons… stress is now starting to kick in a little. Cus the options are finally approaching.

Future: The Magician: He is ready, He has all the elements and the tools to create and manifest. With the 5 of cups it feels like he feels regret and loss. seeing only the 3 fallen cups. maybe reckless actions or strategic tactics. This card is warning that if you look at what you lost, what remains in his hold goes unnoticed. Grass is always greener on the other side. feeling purely emotional. stop obsessing over what went wrong and remind himself to value what he has. when the 5 of cups appear it might be disappointing but nothing is lost.

Yeonjun:

Past: Queen of Fire someone who is motivated, idealistic, ambitious, charismatic and seductive. He is focused on his vision and charging with his creativity. With the 9 of pentacles he is showing his abundance and prosperity. He is youthful and is open for new experiences in the practical world.

Present: Tien of air There is an ending of a difficult situation. He is embracing the change and things will be better. 4 of the swords it is time to take some rest and relax.

Future: The star represents good times and wishes gonna be granted, make positive optimistic plans for the long term cus he is on the right path and knight of wands represent someone who is ready to act on his passion. Ready to shine and show his talents.

Beomgyu:

Past: The empress, the king of swords: He might deal with a person, a female who he was serious with. 5 of water and the knight of cups: He might experience disappointments when it comes to romantic situations.

Present: Life experience, Queen of wands: Important experience that might give him the growth to be wiser and stronger. it's time to spread his wings for a new exciting experience. He feels energetic and motivated.

Future: 9 of fire and queen of pentacles He might be someone who doesn't want to give up, He wants to protect the situation he's trying to create. courage, believe in himself is what he keeps doing. Being the Emperor to be in control, structures and disciplines in his life.

Taehyun:

Past: 8 of fire, things are getting too quick, lots of things are happening, positive news, with the 3 of cups represents that he is enjoying his time together with a community or group of friends.

Present: 3 of fire represent, to take the action to plan things out on the long term. 6 of swords: everything seems great and situations will get better and moving forward.

Future: He might have to deal with sleepless nights and deep worries about thinking about the worst case scenario. That has to do with choosing 2 options or directions. (2 of swords).

Huening Kai:

Past: 7 of fire & 7 of pentacles represents that he has to defend his position and his investments and future goals. He stays loyal and committed to what he beliefs and he chooses wisdom for his goals. His seeds have been planted for long term success.

Present: Life experiences & The Devil: There is an important lesson going on an experience that brings change for him. Time to spread his wings to embrace what has to come. Negative habits or even addiction can play a role but if it's not the case it can also mean that he is experiencing a connection with an intense attraction towards someone.

Future: Page of air and ace of wands and queen of wands Reversed: logic, honest, impulsive and curiosity. challenging information, a change in plans. The truth is confusing but his curiosity will make him learn new things and new inspirations. He experiences someone being cold or someone demands, being bossy. But it is someone who is mature, she might have sweet, warm and caring attributes. It can be a sister or someone who he might date?

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imagine-loki · 4 years

Text

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.

Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach?

AUTHOR’S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin’s company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki’s plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

Loki let Sirena drive her own car while she talked excitedly about how well she was doing at Whispering Waters. Apparently the manager was considering having her perform every friday night, waitress the other times, and was going to pay her a small amount and let her keep the tips.

“How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there.”

Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. “You are very gifted.”

“Thanks. It’s not… I guess it isn’t so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major.”

“When do your mock classes start?”

“Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class.”

Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.

She gave Loki a big smile. “Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!"

Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.

She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.

Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena’s look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.

"What the hell?” She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.

Loki smirked, “Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself.”

“Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?”

“It would have been considered helping.”

Sirena tapped Loki’s arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.

Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. “So get anything you can easily eat in the car.”

“Where are we going to go?”

Sirena snickered. “Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm.”

Loki grumbled, “touche.”

Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.

“With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me.” Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.

“He does seem a bit…” Loki hesitated for the right word.

“Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him.”

Loki immediately asked, “Brother? So you two aren’t dating?”

Sirena forced a gag and muttered “ew” several times. “No we aren’t dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me.”

“He was trying to scare me away then?”

Sirena shrugged her shoulders. “Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to…talk to.”

Loki had to be cheeky. “Am i good company?”

Sirena teased. “I think so.”

Loki laughed at his own question. “Was this planned out?”

Sirena pouted, “Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be.”

Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. “Where does he want us?”

“Beside each other.”

“You are being vague.”

“Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?” Sirena teased.

“Just wondering if there is more to this… How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…”

“maybe this is part of his plans..” Sirena glances at Loki’s lips as she leans slightly.

Loki starts to lean in as well.

The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.

Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, “so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?”

Sirena grinned, “I initiated the kiss, so I asked.”

Loki shrugged. “Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?”

Sirena seemed hesitant. “We can do our Q and A right here.”

“Do you actually have insurance on your phone?” It was the first question Loki came up with.

Sirena laughed, “that question is what you open up with?”

Loki nodded with a smirk.

She sighed before answering. “Yes I do. They won’t send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it.”

“Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better.”

“You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason.”

“Why not get a new phone?”

“I am worried about losing my pictures.”

Loki beamed. “I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work.”

“Maybe. Enthusiastic helper.”

Loki thought for a second. “I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud.”

Sirena looked confused. “That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms.”

Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.

“Oh come on dont laugh at me!”

Loki couldn’t help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.

“I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?”

Loki asked. “Really? Okay straight.”

And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.

Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki “ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too."

Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.

Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn’t mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.

Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn’t take the money.

He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.

Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery.” Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.

Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn’t understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki’s skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.

They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn’t take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.

During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.

Fandral teased, “I am sure Loki is going to love it.”

Sirena glared at Fandral. “It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere.”

A few days later, Loki was in his art class and felt a little nervous as Sirena came in. Sirena discussed with Loki alone about how the class would go and how if anyone steps out of line the teacher would handle it.

It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki’s hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses, hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.

Not at all troubling.

#Loki #Lover #Angst #God of Mischief #Others #Submitted fic #submission #stubborn independence #chapter 5 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight

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kissmethroughthebone · 4 years

Text

"I'm not like other girls, I don't need an allowance from my man" headass SB

"He doesn't like girls who use sugaring for financial gain or to rise up in society 💅💫"

...yeah, babe, so of course the man with two daughters older than you LOVES the fact that you fucked him at his house, TWO DAYS AND NIGHTS IN A ROW, and all you asked for out of him was a subway sandwich anf his wine cabinet.

.....

My only time EVER having a "fuck me just for fast food" phase, was with FWBs who I literally had no interest in, and, when I never had entered the bowl, nor knew of many places outside of Burger King and Chipotle for their broke asses to get me food from, so. :) thats on that.

And so imagine me, a year later, with experience and knowledge of making men old and young buy me things, clothes, food, gifts, ubers, car trips, anything in the world, and with my ass sitting pretty in the most expensive hotel in all of the city, and 400 dollars richer with pork roast and more in my stomach...

Teaching a newbie SB about the bowl.

And all the advice, tips, about manifesting her goals, funding her schooling, abstaining from sex right off the bat, meeting in public, safety advice, what to look for and avoid....

All that.

Anything you could think of, I fucking told her that.

And she.

Fucked.

Immediately.

.....

Met him at his house at 10pm for the "first date"...... stupid bitch. Strike one, but her not listening to the valuable advice of "dont go to his house, he could kill you or just hit it and dip" was telling enough of how she had viewed our friendship.

Then she saw he put out a *fruit platter* for her.

Nice..... but then didn't serve her dinner.

Smoked her out. Fine, you got weed. Cool...

And maybe an hour or two into them "really clicking", a.k.a. probably her talking while stoned and him just nodding everything on to be fucking polite... she takes him by the hand, leads him into the bedroom and fucks him totally unprovoked.

OH WOW, SIS.

I know some sugar babies still get an allowance or arrangement even after still having sex, but jesus.......

Then he left for work, and let her stay at his place. Fucked again. He gave her a subway sandwich, not even a footlong, since she "wasnt all that hungry"...

1) Cool, so she didnt even get a dinner out of it.

2) She's been rewarded for dick with half of a footlong, (NOT EVEN A FULL ONE SIS HE HAS THE MONEY AND YOU WOULD BE HUNGRY LATER????,) and with all the liquor in his cabinets. That she chugged most of the morning and night, before going "But I'm not really all that into drinking, anyways", while chugging a vodka + white wine + other intense alcohol concoction she whipped up over Instagram Chat.

And..... I was pissed. :)

And 3) She never discussed an allowance before meeting.

.....

You can imagine the screams I have, deep in my soul, after maybe four hours or MORE of straight up teaching her all I know.

Then when I told her I was disappointed in her not taking my advice, she hit me with the Pick Me level shit.

"He doesn't want a girl who uses sugaring for financial gain or social status!"..... so, hes broke, and/or you're dating a sugar daddy that won't give sugar? I hope your hands get soft from all the exfoliation caused by the rock you're trying to cause to bleed, that shit wont work sis.

"I'm a big girl, I can handle myself. Trust me, I know a bad situation when I see one, and THAT wasnt one!".... Sure, a 50 year old pathetic college professor with a slim body doesnt terrify you, but a pathetic college professor can get preeeeetty scary when he roofies and rapes you. But, she wasnt thinking that far ahead if she walked to a random mans house, in the skimpiest clothes ever, at the dead of night while claiming nothing bad would happen and she would not fuck him....

Even if nothing too terrible did, something couldve. If the thing of "i wont fuck him dont worry" did happen and she didnt think shed do it before meeting him, imagine what else she didnt think would happen could've happened....

And just several rants of her saying her intuition would tell her.

.....

I sympathized; she had been in several abusive relationships with terrible men, and wass most recently dumped by some fuckhead who was grooming her.

So the attention of an older man giving her free booze of a big selection, some pretty bomb dick, and letting her sleep over and giving her fruit???? Totally head above heels, when the bar is literally just "be white, and treat me somewhat human, even if it's rooted in selfish acts", and even her last neckbeard boyfriend from discord had her convinced that he was "the best thing to ever happen to her in life".

And.... the one that struck me the most, was the remark of "using men for financial gain" part.

I knew I had an off vibe about her when she was deadpanning and rolling her eyes hearing how good I had it anywhere in my life; but ESPECIALLY with sugaring. (Or an open relationship with two hot guys who treated me right, but alas, she could barely even find one for her.)

And yet once she got single, she was begginggggg to hear how I did it.

And... more signs came that she was interested in the fantasy and not the reality, or sometimes vice versa.

Rolling her eyes when I told her that a 25 dollar weekly allowance was so fucking low.

When I told her that anything she wanted, even a rose gold Apple Watch and a new laptop, an apartment, or whatever she wanted, could be at her fingertips if she plays all her cards right.

When I gave her safety advice.

When I told her about my life.

Anything.

She had been either repulsed, doubtful, disdainful, or nonplussed about it.

And look whar happened....

An old man was shown he could fuck a thick black girl for two to three days, nonstop, for a single subway sandwich.

What a shame.

Thats fucking sad my dudes.

Aaaaand her overall subtle hating on me showed its ass when she said what he said.

So I'M the bad guy, for actually expecting a sugar daddy to do what he says, and knows enough to know that sex too soon wont end well?

So she's gonna hate on me for caring about HER safety and not wanting her to ignore every safety precaution advised?

That's like being mad at a construction site owner for wanting you to wear a hard hat, and your reasoning being "I MISSED THE HUGE ROCK FALLING DOWN, ITS NO BIG DEAL! I TRUST MY INSTINCTS, JESUS CHRIST".

Plus, it did strike a cord.

But I just thought:

Yes, I do want a successful future.

I want rich babies, a funded college education, an apartment and a lifestyle of my own to support.

And most importantly, my fucking heart to keep beating.

So excuse me if a girl wastes my time and hers, by not taking my advice and risking her life all for the sake of a Subway sandwich, and not funding for a huge life of her dreams, and just for a subpar meal for one night.

I know how to flip my future from his shitty bunk bed, to a life of champagne and caviar.

And she knows how to flip her life from wanting to be a successful sugar baby that supposedly makes enough money to move out with me, buy groceries, and have a potentially funded college......

To..... a subway sandwich and an alcohol problem, and a number, that blocks her days after having sex.

......

I was done with her.

I never thought there'd be girls insecure enough to stoop that low.

Low enough to shun another girl, who does the same thing and gets a thousand times more thsn she does.

#black sugar baby #pick mes #sugaring #sb #sbs #yikes

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brightsun-and-darkmidnight · 4 years

Text

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach?

AUTHOR'S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin's company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki's plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

Tags: @cateyes315

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

"How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there."

Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. "You are very gifted."

"Thanks. It's not… I guess it isn't so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major."

"When do your mock classes start?"

"Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class."

Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.

She gave Loki a big smile. "Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!"

Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.

She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.

Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena's look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.

"What the hell?" She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.

Loki smirked, "Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself."

"Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?"

"It would have been considered helping."

Sirena tapped Loki's arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.

Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. "So get anything you can easily eat in the car."

"Where are we going to go?"

Sirena snickered. "Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm."

Loki grumbled, "touche."

Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.

"With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me." Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.

"He does seem a bit…" Loki hesitated for the right word.

"Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him."

Loki immediately asked, "Brother? So you two aren't dating?"

Sirena forced a gag and muttered "ew" several times. "No we aren't dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me."

"He was trying to scare me away then?"

Sirena shrugged her shoulders. "Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to...talk to."

Loki had to be cheeky. "Am i good company?"

Sirena teased. "I think so."

Loki laughed at his own question. "Was this planned out?"

Sirena pouted, "Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be."

Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. "Where does he want us?"

"Beside each other."

"You are being vague."

"Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?" Sirena teased.

"Just wondering if there is more to this... How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…"

"maybe this is part of his plans.." Sirena glances at Loki's lips as she leans slightly.

Loki starts to lean in as well.

The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.

Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, "so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?"

Sirena grinned, "I initiated the kiss, so I asked."

Loki shrugged. "Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?"

Sirena seemed hesitant. "We can do our Q and A right here."

"Do you actually have insurance on your phone?" It was the first question Loki came up with.

Sirena laughed, "that question is what you open up with?"

Loki nodded with a smirk.

She sighed before answering. "Yes I do. They won't send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it."

"Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better."

"You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason."

"Why not get a new phone?"

"I am worried about losing my pictures."

Loki beamed. "I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work."

"Maybe. Enthusiastic helper."

Loki thought for a second. "I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud."

Sirena looked confused. "That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms."

Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.

"Oh come on dont laugh at me!"

Loki couldn't help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.

"I didn't mean to offend."

"Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?"

Loki asked. "Really? Okay straight."

And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.

Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki "ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too."

Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.

Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn't mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.

Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn't take the money.

He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.

Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery." Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.

Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn't understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki's skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.

They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn't take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.

During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.

Fandral teased, "I am sure Loki is going to love it."

Sirena glared at Fandral. "It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere."

It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki's hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses, hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.

Not at all troubling.

#Stubborn Independence #chapter 5 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight #loki #college au

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nikkoliferous · 4 years

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He doesn’t bother explaining why he’s here.

This is early on, late May, a few months into the race, but he is already of the belief that he is doing something extraordinary with his presidential campaign — something that’s never been done before. The trouble is describing it. There’s no word for this in modern politics. It is, he believes, “a new way to communicate with the American people” — though he won’t say this until later, and only when asked. Even now, long after he’s put this work at the center of his campaign — at his events, in ads, on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube — he won’t talk about it much. He isn’t sure it’ll work, or if people are “picking up on what we’re trying to do here.” The media, he believes, has always believed, can’t fathom what’s at the heart of this.

So when he arrives at the house, a small mobile home 40 miles outside Montgomery, Alabama, over the Lowndes County line, in one of the poorest places in the country, with five reporters and his own camera crew, he steps through the front door, greets his host, and begins with no clear mention of what he hopes to accomplish here or how it will help him become president.

Pamela Rush, a 49-year-old mother of two, is showing him the problems with her home: the floor tilting visibly to one side, the sheets of plaster peeling off the wall, the broken pipes, the broken cabinetry. He stops in the room where her daughter sleeps. “Do you guys wanna…?” He motions for everyone to come closer. His videographer shuffles forward. On the bedside table, there’s a ventilation machine, the kind used for sleep apnea. A tube of ribbed plastic connects the device to a mask resting on the bedspread, which is patterned cheerily with tiny elephants. Because of mold in the house, Pamela’s daughter needs the device to breathe in her sleep. “How old is she?” the candidate asks. She’s 10. Pamela holds up the mask so he can see up close.

“Show them, not me,” he says, gesturing toward the camera.

She shows the camera the mask.

The visit continues like this. “Show them,” he keeps saying. “Show them.” He speaks only to ask questions, prompting Pamela to “explain” this or that, pointing her to an unseen audience on the other end of his camera lens. It’s like he’s directing his own video — except the video isn’t about him or his campaign or his policy agenda. He is, it seems, somewhere offscreen, an omniscient narrator, felt maybe, but not seen or heard. This is not a public event. There is no crowd. There is no podium, no speech. Mostly, there is silence. The leader of the political revolution — a man who has spent 50 years of his life trying to talk about his ideas — is not saying much at all.

In his first campaign, a third-party bid for US Senate in 1972, he lugged around a 2,000-page, two-volume study by the House Banking and Currency Committee, liberally quoting its findings to the people of Vermont. He spent that year telling anyone who would listen about the fact that a mere 49 banks were trustees of $135 billion and held 768 “interlocking directorships” with 286 of the country’s largest 500 industrial corporations. To him, the phenomenon of interlocking directorships was not arcane or irrelevant to daily life in Vermont. It was an urgent outrage.

In Congress, he developed “the oligarchy speech,” a bleak overview of income inequality in America. The speech became the basis of his public events, his lengthy posts on Facebook, of an entire book — title: The Speech — consisting solely of the transcript of an eight-hour speech he delivered on the floor of the Senate.

And in 2016 — the rallies? The arenas? He had 2,600 in Iowa’s hulking Mid-America Center — largest crowd of the caucus season. He hit every city he could: 5,000 people in Houston, 8,000 in Dallas, 10,000 in Madison, 11,000 in Phoenix, 15,000 in Seattle, 27,500 in Los Angeles, 28,000 in Portland — plus overflow! All those people showing up to hear an hourlong speech they already knew by heart: wages down, median income stalled, one family with more wealth than the bottom 130 million… As he spoke, they’d mouth along to their favorite lines: “Congress does not regulate Wall Street—” “WALL STREET REGULATES CONGRESS,” the crowd would shout back. “Enough is—” “ENOUGH!” they roared. The succession of grim facts — “but let me tell you what is even worse!” he’d say — became a ritual. When a small bird, later identified as a common house finch, once landed on his lectern, an entire stadium full of people cheered wildly, mouths open, their arms raised to the sky, eyes turned upward — not to God, but to the image of the bird and their candidate on the Jumbotron. There was power in the speech. He believed, aides have said, that he was literally changing a generation, person by person, line by line, with every rally.

That was the whole thing — Bernie Sanders, talking.

This is something different.

“Pamela,” he says gently, “why don’t you explain it.”

“And be loud so everyone can hear you…”

Bernie Sanders is sorry for your troubles, but that’s not the reason he’s asking you to talk about them — which he is, everywhere he goes. He wants you to talk about your medical bill — the one you can’t pay. He wants you to talk about losing your house because you got sick. He wants you to talk about the payday loans you took out to keep your kid in school. About the six-figure student debt that’s always on your mind. About living off credit cards, or losing your pension, or working multiple jobs for wages that won’t be enough to support your family.

He would like you to talk about this publicly, in detail, and on camera. He will ask you to do this in front of reporters, or in a room full of strangers at one of his town halls. Of course, the Bernie Digital Team will be there — they are always there — taping your story on camera, or streaming it in real-time to his own mass broadcast system on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter. On any given day, he is capable of reaching millions of people.

“Who wants to share their story?” he’ll say. “Don’t be embarrassed. Millions of people are in your boat.”

He has, it turns out, built an entire presidential campaign around an open invitation to speak — to talk plainly about the “reality of life” in this country — to be “loud so everyone can hear.”

His suggestion, by asking you to speak up about your private anxieties, many of them financial, is that you and the millions of people in the proverbial audience will begin to see your struggles not as personal failings, but systemic ones. He is less interested in explicitly presenting solutions than naming the problem — that “we have millions of people in the richest country in the history of the world who are struggling every single day,” which is a phrase he repeats daily, almost like an exhortation, as if to grab the American working class by its shoulders. He doesn’t deal in pity or reassurance. Yes, he’ll give hugs — one arm, from the side, other hand still clutching the mic. But mostly he’ll just listen and nod, gaze lowered. Or he’ll shake his head at the crowd, like can you believe this? And then, from the gut, a clipped scoff, like of course you can believe it. That’s the point. He has heard your story before, because it’s all part of the same story: a broken system, driven by profit and greed, built to reinforce the notion that if you’re bright enough, if you work hard enough, then you can travel the path to the middle class. And if you don’t make it there…well, maybe you’re the problem. And who wants to talk about that?

He believes his presidential campaign can, he says, help people “feel less alone.”

He is trying to change the way people interact with private hardship in this country, which is to say, silently and with self-loathing. He is trying, in as literal a sense as you could imagine, to excise “shame” and “guilt” from the American people. These are not words you hear often in politics, but in interviews this year with the candidate, his wife, and his top advisers, they are central to his strategy to win. He is imagining a presidential campaign that brings people out of alienation and into the political process simply by presenting stories where you might recognize some of your own struggles. He is imagining a voter, he says, who thinks, “I thought it was just me who was struggling to put food on the table. I thought I was the only person. I thought it was all my fault. You mean to say there are millions of people?”

He still has his rallies, but “it’s a different campaign, and we do things differently,” he says. “I can give the greatest speech in the history of the world, but it will not have the significance and the impact that the real-life experience of ordinary Americans will have.” At many of his events, the antiseptic macro focus of the “oligarchy speech” — the anonymous actors on Wall Street, the greed of the American corporation, the rigged system — has been replaced by the most intimate details of someone’s life. The outrage in his voice, a booming rasp amplified across three tiers of an NBA-size venue, is softer now. The arena itself has morphed into a digital platform for one voter’s story.

Show them, he says. Show them, not me.

We understand presidential campaigns, in their most basic form, as a conversation between a candidate and the American people. The conversation is happening all the time, in person and online, directly, indirectly, at every possible scale: It’s a handshake, a speech, a television ad, a sponsored post on Facebook. It’s a policy rollout. It’s the signage at a rally, the way an American flag is steamed and hung just so on a stage. Every dollar of every campaign is spent on shaping or beautifying or amplifying some message from the candidate. Bernie’s first presidential bid, in a sense, was the unprocessed, stripped-down version of that conversation: It was the speech. In terms of the mechanics of the thing, as he put it in late 2016, he wasn’t “reinventing the wheel.”

Four years later, he is attempting to run a presidential campaign that facilitates an entirely different conversation — one between people like Pamela and the American people. The stories he collects and broadcasts across the internet aren’t just voter testimonials produced to validate the campaign or its policies — they’re aimed, in Bernie’s mind, at people validating one another.

After 50 years, this is an unlikely place for the political revolution to land. It’s more human. More empathetic. More personal than what you’d expect from a man who’s willingly played along with his persona as a perma-“outsider” and, as he put it in 2015, “grumpy old guy.”

There’s this idea that Bernie Sanders is “a man of the people who doesn’t like people” — just issues. That’s not exactly right, though the precise balance between the two can be difficult to pin down. “Policy, policy, policy,” says his wife, Jane, who is a strategic partner on her husband’s campaign. “Fight, fight, fight — which is true, but he’s also about people.”

He arrived in Vermont in 1968, full of ideas about movement politics, and began his career by raising his hand at a local third-party meeting. He settled in Stannard, a remote town with no paved roads, populated by fewer than 2o0 people, where he learned to live in isolation. But in politics, he also discovered that he liked talking to strangers about the issues of the day. In the ’80s, he hosted his own public broadcast show as mayor of Burlington. In the footage, unearthed by Politico earlier this year, he can be warm and dryly funny. On the campaign trail in Vermont, he liked to take impromptu walks and kept a pair of trunks in the car in case he passed a swimming hole. In Washington, he kept more to himself. Interviewed in 1991, fellow members of Congress described him as a “homeless waif” with a “holier-than-thou” attitude who “alienates” his potential allies, who “screams and hollers,” one said, “but he is all alone.”

Part of the problem, of course, is that Bernie Sanders is not an open book. He will snap at reporters when they ask him to talk about himself or, god forbid, how he’s changed as a person, because what does that have to do with Medicare for All? “You’re asking about me, and I’M not important,” he once said in an interview. “What’s important are the kinds of policies we need to transform this country. OK?” The conversation was over after six minutes. His interior life, to the extent that it is acknowledged among his campaign staff, is a subject only a few people can address with any authority. A simple question on the subject — have you ever seen him cry? — recently reduced senior aides to various forms of lawyer-speak. “I’ve seen him emotionally affected,” one said after a long pause. Another, as if the question had been unclear and possibly even sinister, said only: “What do you mean?” With Jane, he’ll call from the road to talk about his day, but questions like “How did that make you feel?” are not a part of the discussion. “Oooh, no,” she laughs at the suggestion. “Oh no, no. Yeah, no. He doesn’t do that. No. No. Neeevver.”

He can be harsh with staff — short-tempered and demanding and sometimes rude. “Some people say I am very hard to work with. They say I can be a real son of a bitch. They say I can be nasty, I don't know how to get along with people,” Bernie told his press secretary in 1990, according to a memoir by the former staffer. “Well, maybe there's some truth to it.”

His mood is under careful observation. Aides are always noting things like “He’s in a good mood today.” When he is happy, everyone is happy. When he’s not, everyone is quiet, especially in the SUV, where he will ride shotgun with his iPad, a red Vitaminwater at his side, scrolling through tweets from @BernieSanders, maybe only speaking up to dispassionately observe that people must really care about education in this country because a tweet about education is getting a lot of engagement today. Everyone knows which staffers make him feel most at ease — a special currency on the campaign. Small signs of interpersonal comfort — watching an aide make him laugh, watching another gently brush dandruff from his navy blue blazer — can feel like extraordinary acts of intimacy. In 2016, when discussing the campaign at a bar, some staffers got in the habit of referring to him as “Earl” or “the old man,” because at the end of the day, he is 78 years old. And who would have expected this — the most emotionally driven, intimate, borderline touchy-feely campaign of the 2020 election — from “a real son of a bitch”?

Correction.

“I don’t like the word ‘touchy-feely,’” Bernie Sanders says curtly.

Everyone is sensitive about how to describe this. There’s been a lot of “experimentation” with this, one of his advisers will start to explain — before doubling back to say that, actually, “I think ‘experimentation’ is the wrong word.” There’s no precedent for it. Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren often invite you to consider your story through the lens of their own. Bill Clinton said “I feel your pain,” but he never asked people to reorient the way they feel about their own pain.

Bernie says he is trying to “redefine our value system.” Jane talks about breaking down decades of societal muscle memory: “It seems to be the American way,” she says. “That we all think it’s our fault — instead of recognizing there is a system that is making it unfair for them.” They are, as they see it, trying to dismantle the ideal of “rugged individualism,” an entire era of political thought. Ari Rabin-Havt, a top adviser who travels with the candidate every day, puts it more tangibly: The campaign is a “megaphone” for working people, he says. Briahna Joy Gray, his national press secretary, has likened the effect to “catharsis” from nationwide “gaslighting.” On the podcast she hosts for the campaign, she compares her boss to Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting: the therapist who tells Matt Damon, a young man who was abused by his foster parent, “It’s not your fault. Look at me, son. It’s not your fault… no, no, no, it’s not your fault.”

It really started late this spring, around the time he went to Alabama. The campaign YouTube page started pushing out stories like Pamela’s: a family living without clean drinking water in South Carolina; a family with inadequate low-income housing in San Francisco; workers at Walmart. On Twitter, he asked people to reply with stories of “their most absurd” medical bill. He got 50,000 responses in a week. By the fall, he was holding more town halls than rallies. In rooms from Iowa to Nevada, one person would raise their hand to speak, then another, and another, and another. “Don’t be nervous,” he��d tell the crowd. “You really are among friends.” Not every event has been as affecting as the next. On one trip, he visited a woman’s home in Des Moines to document her problems with contaminated well water. His host happened to be a fan and prepared two trays of homemade brownies for the occasion. Bernie, already late for his next event, declined to eat a brownie and left after 15 minutes. But more often than not, he is an attentive and genuine listener. At one event last month, a woman stood to say that people are “embarrassed if they don’t think they make enough money.” Bernie told her this had been “instilled” by “the system.” The campaign posted footage of the exchange on Instagram. As you watch the video, bold capital lettering runs across the top and bottom of the screen like an emergency weather alert: “THE SYSTEM WANTS YOU TO BE ASHAMED.”

“What we are doing,” he says, “is really speaking to the working class of this country in a way I’m not quite sure any candidate has ever done before.”

Eventually, when asked, he comes to describe this as core to his strategy to win.

“Here’s the gamble,” Bernie says. The gamble is there are millions of working people who don’t vote or consider politics to be relevant to their lives. “And it is a gamble to see whether we can bring those people into the political process,” he says. “One way you do it is to say, ‘You see that guy? He’s YOU. You’re workin’ for $12 an hour, you can’t afford health insurance — so is he. Listen to what he has to say. It’s not Bernie Sanders talking, you know? It’s that guy. Join us.”

And yet, on a Tuesday night, in one moment, the full force of the political revolution, all 50 years of it, came grinding so unquestioningly to a halt by one blocked artery. He will spend two and a half days in the hospital — and he will lie there hooked up to their beeping machines, and he will yell at the doctors when they try to ask him stupid questions, and he will quiz them about health care policy and obsess over what all this would cost without insurance — and there will be a crisis over what to say in the press release and when to say it and if it can wait until Jane is able to deliver the news in person to the seven grandkids before they see it on CNN, and there will be reporters stalking him outside the building, and all sorts of people will want to visit — and for days, he will say over and over again, “I can’t believe I had a heart attack… I can’t imagine how I had a heart attack… I can’t imagine…” like this is a fact he simply cannot accept, because he feels fine as soon as they finish the procedure and because he’s always had terrific “endurance”... Never thought it’d be his heart to cause him problems… Ran a 4:37 mile in high school...!

But not once, in all that chaos and frustration, will he consider dropping out.

ii.

Here is what Pamela explains to Bernie Sanders: that her family bought this mobile home in the ’90s for a trumped-up price of $114,000; that she lives on $1,000 a month; that she still owes $15,000 on the house; the house she fears will harm her daughter’s health; the house where her mother caught pneumonia and died; the house where, “when a storm comes,” she says, “we have to stay in the mobile home and just pray.” He learns that Pamela’s sister was arrested because she couldn’t afford to pay for the county garbage service. Another sister was arrested because she couldn’t afford to buy into the sanitation system. He turns to a reporter in the Alabama heat. “Really something, isn’t it?” he says. He is frowning, jowls gathered slightly at the neck, but there is no shock or judgment in his face. It will become a familiar expression over the summer and fall. He is not always an obviously comforting presence, but there is never judgment.

“So this is where the waste goes?”

Everyone is outside now, around back. Sanders wants to see where the waste goes.

He learns that Pamela, like many residents in Lowndes County, is also “straight-piping” her untreated sewage from the bathroom to her yard. She is here with Catherine Flowers, an activist who has worked with Congress on the pernicious tangle of issues facing Lowndes County: criminalized poverty, environmental degradation, inadequate infrastructure.

He peers down at a line of dark, matted grass where, a few paces from his feet, inches from the base of the trailer, sewage flows via exposed PVC pipes into a shallow open-air trench. “Is this uncommon in this part of the world?” he asks, steering the conversation for his unseen audience, and the cameras swing back to Pamela and Catherine.

The sun is beating down. Bernie rolls up his sleeves and starts talking gravely about how this is the richest country in the history of the world... “Today we’re in Lowndes County, Alabama, in an African-American community,” he is saying. “Tomorrow we’ll be in California in a Latino community, or in West Virginia in a white community, and the stories will be the same.” You can see his bald head turning shades of pink and red. Everyone is sweating. Pamela is talking about her mother’s death. It is not an easy conversation. “This is America,” he is saying.

Back in his Washington headquarters, the digital team is waiting for the footage.

In the supercharged world Bernie inhabits, the decision to stay in the race was considered not only reasonable, but obvious. Here, there is no confusion about “what we’re trying to do here.” The candidate moves amid a swirl of people you would classify uncynically as “true believers.” It’s a lot of passion in one place. The stakes always feel high. But the hard and fast question of whether they can win the nomination is, to a certain extent, supplanted by the general sense that the movement is a just and right cause and, therefore, in the end, the cause will prevail, likely in a shocking fashion when no one anticipates it or believes it can be done, à la Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. And so they are always on guard against outside forces — people who will doubt them, or underestimate them, or try to actively destroy them.

This is how things go in “a politics of struggle.”

In “a politics of struggle,” as Sanders explains it in a 2015 foreword to his first memoir, setbacks are expected. There will be defeats before there can be the “breakthroughs” few people imagine possible. In a politics of struggle, the goals are “transforming a city, a state, a nation, and maybe the world.” It is already understood that this is “about more than winning an election.”

It’s in this environment that the advent of the heart attack became another motivational “setback.” Ocasio-Cortez decided to endorse. Supporters only hung on tighter. Campaign staffers spoke in grave tones about the “sheer terror” of a world without Bernie. “What is happening right now,” Briahna Joy Gray told her subscribers on the campaign podcast, “is that an old man is carrying the most colossal imaginable weight on his shoulders.” By the time he is back on the trail, the mission of the campaign takes on newly urgent, almost philosophical importance.

He’s in Iowa — a town called Toledo, Tama County, population 2,341 — coaxing people to talk to him about how they feel. “What about health care?” he says at a local civic center, roaming out from behind the podium. “Don’t tell me what I wanna hear! — I want YOU to think about it. Should health care be a human right?” The crowd, not quite warmed up yet, signals a yes. “WHY?” he replies, voice booming. “Who wants to tell me why? Don’t be shy…”

This is his first campaign swing since the heart attack. Five events in 24 hours.

He has to address the age question, of course, so he does. “I've been criticized for being old. I plead guilty. I am old!” he says at his first stop of the trip. Reporters ask him about it. Pundits analyze why it matters. Dr. Oz, the heart surgeon and television host, provides his unsolicited opinion that Bernie’s “protoplasm is strong,” a you-know-it-when-you-see-it term in the medical community for physiological sturdiness. Voters also weigh in, as if to offer reassurance. “Seniors rock!” a woman says at a town hall in Marshalltown, Iowa. Moments later, a middle-aged man raises his hand to tell the candidate that, by age 39, he’d had three heart attacks, a stroke, and a triple-bypass surgery — “and it doesn’t have to get in the way of living, all right?” Bernie takes these remarks in stride, smiling back gamely. He is in a good mood. Though you get the distinct impression that he would rather not be discussing the state of his protoplasm, or himself, at all.

During the town hall in Toledo, Jane and a few staffers can hear Bernie speaking through the walls of an adjacent hold room. She and Ari Rabin-Havt, the deputy who was with Bernie in the hospital through the whole ordeal, are sitting at a small table talking about the heart attack like family members who, maybe years later, are finally able to look back at the whole thing and laugh. Except here, it’s been days, not years. Jane is going into her own Bernie impression: “He’s like, ‘I feel fine. I don’t understand… You’ah tellin’ me I had a heart attack?? I don’t — I, I don’t understand.’”

The thing that bothered him so much about it was the relative smallness of it — like this was needlessly, stupidly about him, “and I’M not important,” remember? What did his aging body, in his mind a vessel of little consequence, have anything to do with the reality that “millions of people in the richest country in the history of the world are struggling every single day”? The answer, of course, is everything: This, like any endeavor in electoral politics, hinges on the will and presence and personality of its leader. The political revolution is no less human or fallible.

And there he was, having to ask for a chair during an event in Las Vegas — he rarely sits on stage — because of chest pains. “Ari, can you do me a favor?” he looked around the room for Rabin-Havt. “Where’s Ari? Get me a chair up here for a moment. I’m going to sit down here.” Staffers found their jobs suddenly transformed. They were dealing with the questions of a health crisis: Should they take him to the hospital? And which hospital? The closer one, or the one with the better cardiology center? But this was Bernie. Everyone knows Bernie. There would be a scene. People would ask for selfies in the waiting room. Reporters would hear about it. They did not want that. It was Rabin-Havt, in the end, who approached the front desk at the urgent care center behind the MGM Grand and discretely flashed his boss’s driver’s license — 09/08/1941, SANDERS, BERNARD — so the nurses would usher him into the back quietly and without delay.

“They're like, ‘Look, we're gonna have to put him in the cath lab,’” Rabin-Havt says. Jane, seated to his right, hasn’t even heard this part of the story yet. So they got him in the cath lab. The doctor asked, how much pain are you in on a scale of 1 to 10, which Bernie rebuffed as a useless question. Then they asked him to please remove his wedding ring. “Really?” he growled, removing the ring. Then they asked for his glasses. And that’s where he drew the line. “JESUS CHRIST! I'm not gonna do that,” he said. That night, Rabin-Havt and another staffer took turns wearing the wedding ring so they wouldn’t lose it. “Oh my god,” Rabin-Havt says. “It was the scariest part.”

The next morning, when Jane arrived from Vermont, she found her husband unchanged. He was talking about how someone without insurance maybe wouldn’t have gone to urgent care at all because of how much it would cost. “That’s his brain,” Jane says. She turns to Rabin-Havt. “Did he say anything to you?” “Not during,” Rabin-Havt says. “The next day when he woke up, he was like, ‘What do you think this is going to cost?’”

His room became the center of activity in the hospital. He held policy discussions with the nurses. He asked the doctors about the hospital's finances. That was a relief, Jane says — to see “the same old Bernie.” Back in Washington, the press team kept obsessive watch over the news coverage, demanding corrections from reporters who described the stent procedure as a “surgery.” There was no surgery, they said breathlessly. It was a procedure! “I’m talking to the doctors,” Jane recalls, “and they’re saying ‘procedure,’ not surgery. It was not a surgery.” Rabin-Havt nods: Not a surgery. Once they finally got the diagnosis — “heart attack” — they needed a statement. So they hunkered down in a hospital break room. The doctors (multiple) started dictating to Rabin-Havt, who tapped out notes on his iPhone. Their first draft was a bit medical — too much jargon. One of the physicians, an English major in college, cut in: “No, no, no — we can do this so the press understands.” So then that doctor tinkered. Once they had their finished product, Rabin-Havt emailed it to the doctors and asked for a formal reply affirming the statement as their own. Proof in writing, presumably, in case of conspiracy theories.

“Yeah, it was fun,” Jane says, laughing. “Well, it was — it was not fun.”

You might wonder, reasonably so, why a 78-year-old man would rather be here, back in Iowa, still doing this, likely at some risk to his health, when he could also just drop out, endorse Elizabeth Warren, and spend his days at the family home on Lake Champlain. Maybe this is especially true if you also believe that Bernie Sanders stands no real shot at winning the Democratic nomination and probably knows it — but will take his diehard supporters, his loyal 15%, a big enough chunk to influence the debate and stay relevant, as far as they can carry him. But then, of course, you would be ruining his good mood and missing the point entirely.

“Honestly,” his wife says, seated at the small table, “I think things are getting worse. Things are getting worse.” By which she means wages, costs, bills, just not knowing if you can keep a roof over your head. “And this is an opportunity. I don't know that the opportunity was there in 2016, where it was so widespread in the same way, the feeling among people of, ‘Wait a minute. We deserve better. This is not OK. The system is completely broken.’ There were some people who saw it in 2016, but it has gotten so much worse over the last two or three years.”

“We’re losing ground as a people. And that angers him,” she laughs dryly, and from the other room, you can hear that he does sound angry — angry about how people go bankrupt for getting “CANC-AH,” angry about our crumbling “IN-FER-STRUCHRR,” angry about his colleagues in Congress who say everyone “LOOOOVES” their private health insurance. “THAT TRUE?”

He is yelling, yes, but Bernie Sanders is “happiest and most comfortable in rooms like this,” Rabin-Havt says, gesturing to the event across the hall. “When you put him in a room full of political hacks — like, phonies — that’s not his room. He’s not going to like it.”

Jane nods. “And he’s going to be gruff.”

“He’s going to be gruff,” Rabin-Havt says, “and he’s not going to know how to deal with it. You put him in a room with real people telling their real stories and—”

“And he’s a different person,” Jane says. “If you have politicians and, uh, media personalities just trying to play gotcha politics or talk about the polls or other candidates — and never asking the real questions about what's affecting the people, he has no time. He has no time.”

Jane, like most everyone around her husband, is a true believer. The two grew up in the same area of Brooklyn — 10 blocks apart, where her father worked as a taxi driver — but they wouldn’t meet until 1980 in Burlington. She was a community organizer. He was running for mayor. She had never heard the name “Bernie Sanders” when she helped organize a debate for the candidates at a Unitarian church in town. “Nobody liked the incumbent mayor in the community groups. Being a good Catholic girl, I greeted him and made sure he was all set up. I didn't even talk to Bernie! But everybody was interested in Bernie. And then I sat in the second row, and I listened to him, and so did the entire Unitarian Church,” she pauses, then continues slowly, “and I felt that he embodied everything I believed in. The first time I heard him speak. And I knew I would be working with him from that moment on.”

There is a stunning intensity in the belief — one made very real by the heart attack, one held firmly by his staff, his wife, by the candidate himself — that if Bernie Sanders isn’t going to be telling the American people these stories, then no other candidate will.

“It was a gut check for a lot of people,” Jane says. “Everybody was thinking cerebrally, ‘well, you know, we'll see how it plays out. The polls don’t seem to be doing that well right now. Who knows whether it's gonna be Biden or Elizabeth or Bernie…’” She waves her hand in the air.

“And then when people — I mean, I felt it very strongly from so many people — when people heard that he had a heart attack, it was like, ‘Oh my god.’ And envisioning, OK, without Bernie's voice, oh my god, this would be a totally different race. It would be a totally…” her voice trails off. “People understand that he's the one that can affect real change…”

“This is not a, uh, an intellectual discussion.”

At some point, the sound of Bernie’s voice from the other room drops out.

Jane goes silent. The staffers go silent.

Everything is abruptly quiet, and there is an instant, a half of a split second, when the mind imagines that maybe something’s happened — and then there’s the sound of Bernie Sanders speaking again.

“Somebody was just asking a question,” Jane explains.

“Oh, OK,” Rabin-Havt says.

“OK.”

iii.

The video team is still rolling outside Pamela’s house.

After about 25 minutes, the visit is over. They are all standing in the front yard — Bernie, Pamela, and Catherine. Two campaign vans are idling silently in the driveway. Both women have dealt with politicians before: Catherine has worked on legislation with US senators, including another presidential candidate, Cory Booker, to address rural wastewater problems. Pamela has testified before a congressional forum on poverty convened by Elizabeth Warren.

“Thank you,” Pamela tells her guest.

“I want to thank YOU,” he replies. And suddenly, there are tears. Catherine is hugging him, and then Pamela is hugging him too and crying into his blue button-down shirt — and then they are all hugging together. “We won’t forget you,” he says. “This is just the beginning.”

After they leave the house, he turns to one of the political reporters with him. “Learning something?” he asks.

The visit is still heavy on his mind. There is some light conversation about the trip — and then you see his face turn to a grimace. The reporter asks about Joe Biden. At this particular juncture in the horserace, there is a thirst for conflict between the two candidates.

“One day at a time…” he responds.

The reporter tries again: “Do you think Biden’s message is resonating in the South?”

“We’ll take it one day at a time, I have no idea. Nor does anyone else.”

He is, of course, annoyed. “You have all heard me rant and rave,” he starts telling the group. “I don’t think that the media is the enemy of the people, that it’s fake news. God knows I don’t think that.”

“But I do think we have to do a better job in looking at issues that impact ordinary people.”

“There are millions of people in this country…”

Later in the day, he relays Pamela’s story to the crowd at his town hall. The following month, his campaign releases a two-and-a-half-minute video about the trip, titled “Trapped.” Eventually, it hits 750,000 views.

In the middle of an interview, he bats back a question to ask one of his own.

“Do you know what it’s like to live —”

He is about to say “paycheck to paycheck,” but he stops himself. As he sees it, the media doesn’t know anything about that. Reporters, even the well-meaning ones, he thinks, don’t have a clue. “I mean, I do,” he says. “I grew up in that family.” His father, a paint salesman, worked hard but never made much money. The family lived in a three-and-a-half-room, rent-controlled apartment in Brooklyn. Both parents died young. As a young politician in Vermont, Sanders had to borrow gas money to campaign. The windshield wipers on his Volkswagen bug didn’t work. He struggled to pay bills. After his swearing-in as mayor of Burlington, he bought his first suit at age 40. He was, in those days, the same voter he’s trying to reach now. His old notebooks, legal pads fished from the archives by a Mother Jones reporter earlier this year, include rambling notes on his inability to do better for himself and his young son. The internal commentary is scathing and unkind. “Not only do I not pay bills every month — ‘What, every month?’ — I am better now than I used to be,” he wrote, “but pretty poor…”

The secret, it turns out, is that in addition to taking this work very seriously, Bernie Sanders also takes it very personally. The secret is that a mostly solitary man — a man who has spent most of his political career on the outskirts, who’s never really fit into someone’s idea of a politician, who’s “cast some lonely votes, fought some lonely fights, mounted some lonely campaigns” — is now trying to win a presidential campaign, maybe his last, by making people feel less alone.

This is his campaign, his theory of change, though he’s done very little to explain it to a wider audience. “I care less about the coverage, in one sense,” he says. “What I care about is that someone turns on the TV, and there’s someone who works at Walmart, or someone from Disney, or McDonald's. And they say, you know, ‘that’s me.’” He wants those people to do the talking: the people who worry about their electric bill. The people who wonder if they can afford to have another kid. People for whom “the idea of taking vacation” — he scoffs as he says the word — “is not even in their imagination even though they work all the time.” In his mind, he was those people.

He is not among the politicians “whose mommies and daddies told them at the country club that they were born to be president,” as he put it last year. He suspects his parents were Democrats, but he isn’t sure — it’s not something they discussed. So he is not drawn to Washington in the usual ways. Which is not to say that he doesn’t have ego. In 2016, staffers watched him adjust with unexpected ease to his new power and popularity: The guy in the middle seat, coach class, was suddenly flying private and showing up to watch the Golden State Warriors play the Oklahoma City Thunder in Game 7. But he does not have what one former president called “that wretched mania, an itching for the White House.” He is driven by a different compulsion.

You get the sense, without exaggeration, that he will keep doing this for the rest of his life. That he would die before he stops. There are some signs, after the heart attack, that this is playing on his mind. “At the end of the day,” he told his supporters in a seven-minute video he recorded after his release from the hospital, “if you’re gonna look at yourself in the mirror, you’re gonna say, ‘Look, I go around once, I have one life to live. What role do I wanna play?’”

But for the most part, his mood is notably light. His return to the campaign trail, ever since the heart attack, aka “heart incident,” as senior aides refer to it in the press, has been a happy, bordering-on-joyous affair. He starts cracking jokes during his speech. He plays basketball. He hosts his staff at his house in Burlington, demonstrating the best way to build a fire in a tiny stove. He announces plans for his own New Year’s Eve party in Iowa with food, drinks, and live music: “Bernie’s Big New Year’s Bash.” Inexplicably, he ends up dancing at a labor solidarity dinner in New Hampshire. “Our revolution includes dancing!” he declares. And then, to the sound of ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” and The Temptations’ “The Way You Do the Things You Do,” he sways his hips from side to side, grinning, and twirls woman after woman across the banquet hall.

The major papers describe this period as a “renaissance” and “resurgence.” In polls conducted since the heart attack, he has either maintained his position or become even more competitive. He has a shot at Iowa. He looks good in Nevada and California. He remains the only candidate with more donations than Donald Trump. And he has some $1.67 million coming in each month from people who have signed up for automatic recurring donations.

On one afternoon in late October, he travels to Brooklyn to do a few interviews.

The plan is to walk up Henry Street to the Brooklyn Promenade, a pedestrian area overlooking the East River and downtown Manhattan, but he makes a turn onto Kane Street instead — spontaneous! — another indication of his good mood, which an aide quickly notes aloud.

He walks a few blocks, greeting passersby, before ducking into Francesco's Pizzeria & Trattoria, where he orders a slice of pepperoni. His staffers also order pepperoni. “See!” Bernie says. “Can’t think for themselves!” Jane shrugs. “Well, I got cheese,” she says.

The guys behind the counter open the oven and pull out a slice of pepperoni, wet and shimmering in its own hot oil. No one is concerned, apparently, about whether pizza is a wise choice three weeks after a stent procedure. Jane doesn’t blink. His staff doesn’t blink. No one blinks. Bernie takes his plate to a corner table, where he sits for a brief interview, giving polite but clipped answers about his decision to stay in the presidential race after the incident.

In one swift hand motion, as if to dispense with this line of inquiry entirely, he lifts the slice from its white paper plate, folds the crust lengthwise, takes a large bite, and swallows.

“This is my life,” he says.

The statement is, for Bernie, as straightforward and uncomplicated as it sounds. Everyone seems to understand this. Of course he should eat pizza. Of course he is still running for president.

“Well,” Jane says a few days later, “I mean, it would be kind of ridiculous if it didn't affect him in some way.”

“I think the way it affected him was, ‘OK, this… This is my mission in life. This is my purpose. I'm here for a reason.’”

On that long flight from Vermont to Las Vegas, she thought about what she should do when she saw him in the hospital. “If he wasn’t doing well,” she thought, she would put her foot down. She would tell him no. “If he was in danger, I would absolutely say, ‘I’m sorry. You can’t.’”

Jane pauses. “But honestly, I don’t know that he would have listened to me.”

#i totally didn't cry while i was reading this #not even a little bit #bernie 2020 #bernie sanders #2020 us election #2020 democratic primary #political revolution

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