#hes like i dont get paid enough for this shit

[yugiohz]

OOMFS DONT LOOK AT THE NEW BNHA ANIME TRAILER THAT IS NOT MY DABI MANGA DABI LOOKS SM BETTER I WOULD NEVER DO ALL OF THIS FOR AN UGLY MAN NEVER FORGET

[piplupod]

one of the cashiers at the grocery store i go to is so fucking fixated on shoplifters and it drives me crazy any time i check out through him (i try to avoid him but his checkout is often the most open/empty - hm! i wonder why! - and im often on a tight schedule w the bus). he brings up shoplifters every opportunity he gets and he seems so convinced that theyre a huge problem.

BUT WHAT REALLY GETS ME ,,, is that today the customer in front of me was needing a price check on one of the items bc it should've come out to be cheaper, so he was kind of apologetic abt it and saying "ah well, yknow, six dollars is six dollars, especially with how expensive groceries are right now" and i was nodding and agreeing (trying to show that i dont mind the wait and also solidarity my guy good for u for speaking up and getting the price fixed on that) AND THE CASHIER AGREES. FULLY ACKNOWLEDGES AND BEMOANS THE FACT THAT GROCERIES ARE CRAZY RN. AND THEN GOES ON TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SHOPLIFTERS. HUH ??????

so you agree that groceries are unreasonably expensive... and that sometimes ppl can't afford them... and yet ....................

[waffliesinyoface]

i think its extremely funny in naruto fanfiction whenever the author decides* to include a scene with hidan proselytizing, or extolling the virtues of jashinism. i love when he stops mid-rampage to try and explain his close and personal relationship with his god to his unfortunate captive audience.

*by "decides," i of course mean "they put hidan in the scene and were unable to prevent him from stealing the show"

"We have no reason to stay here. We fulfilled the client's request," Kakuzu ground out, the vein in his forehead throbbing angrily. "Stop messing around. Time is money-"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up with that horseshit. If you wanna report to Leader so bad, you can head back without me. I'm fucking teaching here, asshole! These heathen shits don't know their ass from their elbows, what kind of priest would I be if I didn't offer them moral guidance?"

Kakuzu grunted in response, then gestured to the few remaining civilian stragglers. "And what, exactly, are you attempting to teach them. They're clearly already terrified. Just get on with it so we can leave."

Hidan stared at Kakuzu incredulously. "...the fuck? What kind of shitty ass school did you go to? They don't cover fear in ethics class," he scoffed.

Kakuzu stared at Hidan, his darkened and skull-patterned skin slick with blood, and watched as he began to slowly disembowel himself. "Ethics class." He paused, letting the unspoken question hanging in the air.

Nearby, the last of the village elders continued to bleed out, his screams having long since dissolved into pained gasps.

"Yeah, ethics class!" Hidan agreed, his eyes wild. Satisfied, he yanked the kunai out, and placed the tip directly on top of his sternum, above his heart. "After all," he said, grunting with exertion, "one of the core tenets of Jashinism is empathy."

[grandwretch]

Honestly, who needed to confront the vision of that jar of suspiciously eyeball-shaped soup when you had newly enhanced hearing? Not Steve, that was for sure.

my favorite thing about writing oimw is that like. okay in the grimm tv show pretty much everyone after season 1 is pretty genre savvy, and even in seasone one, the main character is a cop so he's generally unfazed by the grossness of the wesen world.

however.

steve is a 19 yr old boy who is deeply bitchy and marginally spoiled, and he is going to throw a tantrum every time something fairy tale gross-out happens to him.

if this man saw a witch cooked in an oven he would just call his parents and turn himself in

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[roaringheat]

literally had the creepiest customer today im fr in The Closing Shift irl

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

my favourite thing in the world is when you get a letter from the government accusing you of essentially being fraudulent when youre not, so you send an email to the email listed on the letter that explains how it isnt fraud and you attach documents to prove it, and then months later they send another letter saying you did not reply to the last letters (they only sent the one) and as such you are subject to a penalty of £125 and oops if you dont pay today, it goes up by £50, and thats just not an amount of money most people have handy to pay off false fraudulent claims. so this time, you email them again and you then go through their website to send another email, and then you call them and explain it, and their workers tell you that its all sorted and youre no longer subject to the penalty.

and then, a month later you get another letter saying that youve been picked up on the false fraudulent thing again and warm you about the penalty you have to pay. because apparently the worker on the phone removed the penalty but didnt change the incorrect information on the system like they were meant to.

so then you have to email them again, explaining everything again, attaching all the evidence again, and also call them again just in case and explain everything again, and this time she does change it on the system and says shell have a corrected certificate sent to your email within the hour.

and then two hours later, you get an email saying youll be emailed the corrected certificate within 24 hours.

[fantastic-artemis]

How to find a job that doesn't make me despair to live

[maryse127]

I spend more than an hour ironing 3 shirts for my dad and I think we should just move on from pressed shirts. Embrace the wrinkles.

[orcelito]

I think im gonna cave & tag Midvalley in my fanfiction

I still don't know just how longterm he'll be around (it'll depend on how things shake out & whether he ends up liking Vash enough to stick around) but Even Tho he's mostly been long-distance present, he's been important to the story and So It Shall Remain for at least a while.

So. Midvalley 4th most major character I guess?

[skeletonmaster69]

.

[kaidatheghostdragon]

Jury Duty

Danny has been living his best life in Gotham, hiding from the GIW but mostly moving forward with his life. (College, job, whatever)

Until his name is drawn for jury duty.

He complains to his friends. They bring up a few interesting points. Shouldnt being dead disqualify him? Eventually the anti ecto acts are brought up. Can the government enforce jury duty on a citizen that was declared legally non-sentient?

Now, it might not have been danny's smartest idea, but he replies to the summons with a "cant, i died," attaching a copy of the anti ecto acts and a short argument that its hypocritical of the government to strip him of his rights but still expect him to fulfill his civic responsibilities.

Whatever government desk job gets danny's reply to the summons thinks its a joke at first (theyre no stranger to the colorful and creative excuses people come up with to try to get out of jury duty), but danny provided all the right paperwork and instructions for them to jump through all the hoops necessary to locate the obscure law. They send it higher up the chain of command.

But this is Gotham. After several days of ruminating over the strange law, they decide to leave a tip on the bats' hotline (set up and maintained by Oracle). The whole situation felt a bit left of reality, and they weren't paid enough to deal with that shit. And if the government really was the problem here (look, they might have landed a secure government-funded desk job, but they were a grunt and held no loyalty to the government that continuously screwed over their home city), then merely passing the buck meant it would get covered up instead of exposed.

Oracle gets the message and starts digging, determining that this is A Big Problem, Actually. First order of business is to track down this Danny guy and give him a bat-level security detail. Second order is to push this to the Justice league.

The thing is, the giw had successfully hidden themselves from the justice league up until now. They covered their tracks, took care of loose ends. The laws were written to look like pest control.

They never considered that someone would respond to a jury duty sommons with "cant, im dead." First of all, they dont know about halfas, who could be dead without ever being legally declared. Secondly, why would a ghost pretend to be alive? Thirdly, why would they blow their cover? ("Sir, its *jury duty.*" "point withdrawn.")

It was pure chance that the desk job took it seriously enough to report it, and oracle only recognized the threat as it was because she made the logical leap from ectoplasm to lazarus water.

The bats investigate by intercepting danny's summons. Fortunately, the higher up decided it was a joke and didnt share it any further. Unfortunately, they told danny that he better show up for jury duty, come hell or high water.

That route blocked, they hack in a jury summons for jason todd. Being Actually Legally Dead, with all the paperwork correctly filed, means that he would never actually get a summons, but they need someone on this inside that clearly falls into the same category as danny to keep a close eye on him.

Anyways, this was a long and twisted set up to get not one, but two individuals in the same jury duty line up claiming they "cant, i died."

[syxilla]

Ken sato x !reporter reader

oh, how he wishes you saw him as a man and not a boy.

cw for everything below: age difference (its used for the plot), suggestive (depending on who you ask)

thinking about kenji trying to impress reader in his games. the reader who is older, more mature and composed than him. who always comments on his arrogance in their articles or interviews. honestly, you were his harshest critic! it was your nickname amongst your co-workers as well. everyone knew you held hatred for him, and so did he. you frequently commented on his age and how it isn't smart to put so much faith into such a young and ignorant man and call him a living legend. "he isn't mature enough!" you always stated.

he hated that. his age doesn't make him better or worse than anyone else; he was just better because he was ken sato. but that didn't stop him from trying to act older, at least around you. because it was for you.

he's still so desperate to impress you. he'd do cooler moves in games, smile at the camera more in interviews, and, even though it seemed impossible, he became more prideful. but he couldn't help it! feeling your intense gaze on him as he walked onto the field or got into a stance, it was invigorating.

he especially got a rise out of seeing you roll your eyes, slumping back in your seat, crossing one leg over the other once you realized there was nothing for you to comment on his performance. it was perfect. so perfect that it would (sometimes, if he was lucky) get a small, ever so slight, smile from your lips. even better if he saw you nod your head in approval. so after one of (arguably) his best perfomances yet, one he spent weeks practicing just for his pretty little critic, he walks up to you, ready to soak in all the praise he believed he deserved.

"so... how was that y/n?" he teased, slamming himself into your personal space. it's his favorite place! if you thought it belonged to you, it was also his. "leave me alone, sato." you grumble, not wanting to admit your defeat to him. "it was good, wasn't it? right? righttt?" you push him away and begin walking away, eyes looking straight forward to avoid his gaze.

"oh c'mon, am i really that bad you can't even compliment me?" he pouted playfully, poking your oh so soft cheek, giving it a slight pinch. "fine, sato! you're a good player. you impressed me today, enough for me to even say im... proud of you." if you were to sneeze each time kenji's heart began to race, it'd look like you're having a seizure because of how fast it was.

"then why dont you show me how proud you are of me," this made you halt, snapping your head towards him. "how?" you asked, eyes focused on his lips that quirked up into a grin. "take me out to dinner. tommorow night. let me pick, and i'll consider the debt you owe me paid off." he smiled, taking a step back, allowing you to breathe again. when did you stop? "i'm not indebted to you anyway?" you retort, pushing him back even more to feel like you had the upper hand here. "yes, you are! all the times you've doubted my abilities! am i not worthy of getting an apology? a gift?" he said dramatically, placing his hand on his chest.

you sputter nothing in disbelief, until something clocks inside of your little brain. "are you asking me on a date, sato?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest, a shit eating grin on your face. he leans down to your level, which is when you register how much taller he was than you, and tilts his head to the side. "and if i am?" kenji's voice goes quieter. "you're not my type." you mock, mimicking his tone. "i like them older." to this, he laughs. "you like grandpa's y/n? you like them near their deathbed?" he joked, trying (and failing) to hide his laughter. "yeah, atleast they're gentlemen, unlike you."

"i may not be the most gentlemanly person on earth, but i am a gentle man in everything else."

oh! oh. now you were entering dangerous territory. not for him, for you. it was so clear what he was setting up as a trap, and yet, despite all the warning signs there was, opened your plump little lips and asked with the purest face ever (even though your thoughts were the complete opposite) "how can i know if youre lying or not?"

and kenji, oh the annoying ken sato who you would never admit admired, not even on your deathbed, stepped closer to you, leaned down near your ear, and said in the loudest voice, loud enough so that you cant mishear him, and quiet enough that no one else can, says

"why dont i show you?"

if your composure was a ship, it would be near the ocean floor, the reason for sinkage; ken sato. right when your last functioning braincell is able to deliver a quip before total failure, someone calls kenji over. "you have a interview remember?" it yelled. "coming!" he smiled sweetly, kissing your cheek ever so softly.

the immature baseball player might not be as immature as you thought...

(thanks for the support on the last one, so i thought i'd write another one because im desperate for this man, like he's desperate for the reader, lowk. also i didnt fully proofread itmso sorry if skme names r missing colors and whatnot)

[struwberrii]

suna headcanons 𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅

here are my silly sunarin headcanons!! hope you guys likey

ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ (also is mostly relationship stuff but not all)

has the craziest sleep schedule like he stays up all night, falls asleep at 5am, wakes up at 8 am and just goes to school fine

buys you snacks from the vending machines daily

teases you a lot but is really flirty about it

probably most active at night and invites you out when it’s dark, he just likes how much emptier everywhere is

has the best music taste and always puts you onto his music

nonchalant dread head of japan

would probably sneak into your house through your window just to see you

says the funniest things with the most deadpan expression which makes it 10x

if you dont reply to his messages fast enough he hits you with the "why do you hate me"

he’s too honest sometimes and has a bad habit of saying things that are rude when he really didn’t have to

randomly tackles you and play fights

bros the type to pick you up and jump into the pool with you

does the bare minimum with all his school work

starts talking like you and using your slang when you guys hang out long enough

he’s the guy people talk shit around bc they think he’s quiet and a loner but he’s lowkey a shit starter and shares what he hears

slacks/lazy in most things but he carries you guys in fortnite

his bed is covered in stuffed animals from you, even all the cute sanrio ones

ur his profile pic online

i feel like he’d use discord and get paid as a mod on some server 😭😭

calls you stupid as a term of endearment

he can always tell when something’s wrong, like he can sense if something’s off with you

probably wears a lot of sweat pants

always smells really woody and fresh (yk like generic men’s cologne idk 😭)

very touchy, loves having an arm around you waist :3

allergic to drinking water, ik his piss is acid (honestly same here….)

his sister loves you so much

lowkey the worst at soothing you/cheering you up so he just hugs you

let’s you do skincare on him, he thinks it’s relaxing

i feel like he’d own at least one of those stupid tiktok fidget toys that he swears works but everytime he uses it he can’t stop laughing thinking about how stupid he looks

has a bad diet only because he’s too lazy to actually cook

burps SO LOUD and SO OFTEN like hold it man

has a tiktok account that he rage baits people on and reads the comments to you pretending it wasn’t him who wrote them (smh)

tries to teach you volleyball so you guys can kinda play together

i feel like he’d know a lot about the stars and like the constellations

i also feel like he’d really like coke floats (ice cream + coke in a glass) a lot for some reason

acts like he doesn’t really care but he cares so much

he’s only vulnerable and emotional with you

randomly attacks you with kisses

i feel like he'd know some really good unknown dessert spots all around town

i feel like hes an adidas guy

says out of pocket stuff on purpose with no reaction just to see you panic (he thinks its funny)

[moneyndior]

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ she said, ‘fuck me like i’m famous.’ i said, ‘okay.’⋄ 𓍯

…IN WHICH—i have thoughts about brothers best friend!luke

tags/warnings: luke x fem!reader, loser!luke, protective!brother, unnamed brother, secret relationship, outside of chb, reader is drunk/drinking, reader is mentioned to be younger, suggestive content at the end/nearing smut, not proofread.

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ is this fandom dead or what. also i was mad insane for writing the ending to this LMFAOO DONT SMOKE WEED OR THIS IS THE OUTCOME‼️

—brother best friend!luke who was told to stay away from you.

“dude, seriously. stop staring—that’s my little sister.”

“i’m not staring. don’t make it weird.”

luke muttered, lying straight out of his teeth. he clicked his tongue as he crossed his arms, rolling his shoulders.

his eyes were locked onto you as you rushed around the living room, rushing down the halls. you struggled to put on this earring, lips in a straight line before groaning in annoyance.

you looked gorgeous. you were getting ready for god knows what, but luke didn’t need to know to know that you were the type of girl guys like him would kill for.

you noticed his staring and waved quickly, rushing back into your room. he had only a second to wave back. luke tried to make it subtle—but he clearly didn’t try hard enough.

“what did i just say, man?”

“can i not wave to your sister?”

“no.”

your brother snapped before closing his door, throwing the play station controller toward luke, maybe a little harder than he should’ve.

—brothers best friend!luke who does anything to have some alone time with you.

he seen you walk past your brothers room late at night, using your phone flashlight to navigate through the hallway. your brother was asleep on the bean bag chair, the tv remote loosely in his grip.

luke figured you were going to the kitchen, so he obviously followed. he hugged the wall, the kitchen illuminating from the fridge light.

“hey.”

“holy fuck, luke!”

you shout-whispered after jumping. he didn’t mean to scare you—but it sure was funny. he chuckled quietly as he leaned onto the counter, tilting his head. you had a soda in your hand, a piece of bread in your mouth.

“you scared the shit out of me.”

“aw, ‘m sorry.”

“no you ain’t.”

you narrowed your eyes to him, pinching your brows together. a snicker left your throat as you seen luke shrug, chuckling as he tightened his lips.

“yeah. you’re right.”

he admitted with no issue, seemingly taking pride in it. luke adjusted his position, towering over you as he stood with his arms crossed.

“so…what’re you doing up this late, hm?”

“what are you doing up this late? shouldn’t you and my brother be doing whatever stupid stuff you two do?”

“touché. but no—he’s asleep.”

“you poor thing.”

you muttered before turning on your heel, walking toward your room, leaving luke in the dark. he exhaled, his shoulders dropping as he waited an extra minute at hearing you slowly close your door.

luke ran his fingers through his hair, his hands on the counter as he tried to regain his posture.

“fuck.”

he mumbled to himself, trying to get the flush off his face as he went back to how you looked in those shorts and tank top.

—brother’s best friend!luke who takes care of you when you got a little too drunk at a party.

“c’mon, hold my hand.”

“take me out to dinner first, luke.”

you slurred out your words, giggling as you wrapped your arms around his, looking up at him. you looked up at him while fluttering your lashes, lips slightly separated.

if you weren’t drunk, luke would’ve kissed you right then and there.

“i’m taking you home.”

“awh…”

you dragged out, pouting as you stumbled over your own two feet. luke instinctively wrapped an arm around your waist, guiding you. even though you paid no mind to it—luke’s ears were burning hot and his face was bright red.

he leaned you onto his car as he opened the passenger door, guiding you to sit down with an arm still around you.

luke quickly tried to start the car, trying to avoid eye contact with you before he felt you kiss his cheek. you giggled before humming,

“thank you, luke. you’re so sweet, and cute, and smart, and…uhm.”

“mhm. you’re very welcome.”

he mumbled, his voice cracking. luke’s eyebrows knitted together as you giggled again.

“you’re too good f’my brother. god—why do you hang out with him more than me? what does he have that i don’t?”

you pouted, lips twitching as you tugged on his sweatshirt’s sleeve. luke reached out, patting your head as he kept his eyes forward.

“i, uhm—i don’t know.”

“exactly! spend more time with me. please, luke?”

you pleaded, slurring your words once again. luke gulped before nodding, all of his self respect gone. if the girl of his dreams was asking him, luke castellan, to spend time with her—he can’t decline.

—brother’s best friend!luke who can’t seem to keep a secret that well.

“luke, my brother’s in the next room.”

you complained between kisses, luke pressing up against you. his hands were gripping your hips, the mattress below you two squeaking as he pushed you down against it.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry. you just,”

luke paused, letting out a quiet whimper before finishing his sentence.

“you looked so good. i couldn’t help myself. i’m sorry, baby.”

you chuckled at hearing his continuous apologies. luke felt you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

“gods, you’re so good to me, y/n.”

he whined, cupping your cheeks with a knee between your legs. luke hooked a finger around the waistband of your shorts, pulling away. he looked at you with pleading eyes, shifting down toward your shorts and back up at you.

“yeah. you can.”

with the given permission, he wasted noses time pulling them down your legs. luke kissed your cheek, trailing down to your collarbone.

“so good—too good f’me.”

[angelicblondie]

rafe x blondie!reade

when rafe was away on business, you were absolutely miserable.

you couldnt help it! i mean, how were you even supposed to function? the first day you tried to make yourself useful. you met your closest girlfriends for brunch and gossiped about meaningless things (your favorite past time, obvi), and of course, paid the cheque using rafes card.

you then all went to the mall, and you treated yourself to a designer purse and a couple lingerie sets from victoria secret. you even took a few mirror pics to send to rafe, captioning the message , "miss you tons baby :(". rafe of course, hearted the image and sent back a plethora of compliments, to which you giggled giddily to once you got back home.

you then had an easy night in, ordering in food and watching your favorite girly shows, texting rafe goodnight, not wanting to bother him when you know hes so busy. you went to bed with a slight pout on your face, hugging one of his pillows and wishing it was him.

as the days went by, your patience grew thin. rafe was texting back less and whilst you knew it was due to all the hard work he was doing, you began to grow frustrated. there was only so much shopping you could do before burning out, and only so many shows you could re-watch! you needed your rafey back, or at least, some attention.

so you sent him a little text, saying, "baby can we can call tn? miss u :(", to which he replies, obviously, yes.

you giddily get dressed into one of your new sets, and when he calls you, you let it ring 3 times before answering.

seeing his face was just such a relief, you smiled so brightly. "rafey!" you exclaimed.

"hey baby," he mumbled with a small smile. "how ya doin?"

you pout a bit. "miss you"

he chuckles. "miss y'too, blondie," he replies, watching the way your eyes brighten up when he says this.

his eyes narrow. "what'cha got on?" he asks, his eyes on the bottom of his screen.

your eyes light up. "oh, this?" you ask innocently, before panning the camera down to your body, showing off.

he groans. "fuckkkk, babe, where'd that come from?"

you giggle. "victorias secret."

he hisses out a breath of air. "shit, wherever it came from, i want more." he chuckles, and you bask in the praise.

soon enough, rafe has you seated on you pillow, your hips rocking back and forth, searching for the sweet friction. rafes camera is panned down to his cock, which he is steadily pumping in his fist. for every little whine or whimper you let out, rafe groans hungrily, mutter curses under his breath and voicing praises.

"yeah, thats a good girl, baby. keeeep going, know if feels good."

"y'close? i know baby, i can tell. just keep going, dont stop. thats it."

and eventually, your hips grew tired and your high overcame you, as you spluttered out high pitched curses and thank yours, you realized rafe had also came, and he watched the screen with amused pleasure. the two of you locked eyes as your movments slowed down, your mouth open in an "o" and your eyebrows furrowed.

rafe let out a low chuckle. "see? that was fun, huh?"

you huff. "not as fun as you actually being here." you pout a bit, dismounting the pillow and picking back up the phone.

rafe scoffs. "dont use that tone w'me, missy, aight? m'not in the mood." rafe runs a hand down his face. "just helped you cum and y'talking back like that? maybe i should teach you a lesson when i get back, hm?"

you pout. "no, im sorry. didnt mean it." you grumble, slipping under the blankets. "j'miss you, rafey."

rafe sighs. "yeah yeah, miss you too kid."

you and rafe talk for a couple more minutes before he says he has to go. you go to bed that night, still missing your rafey, but feeling much more satisfied then the nights before.