@not-bcring liked for a post despair thread at some point and i just remembered my b
Reaclimating to life after the neo program, after...all that had come before it, it hadn't been easy. Gundham had found it near impossible, was so very ready to do exactly as he had done in their little killing game and sacrifice himself for the benefit of others.
If Kazuichi hadn't walked into the room at the exact moment he had...
But that was behind them now, at least by a handful of months, and while the transition hadn't been easy, it had been done. Though now allowed to be on his own, Gundham no longer a threat to himself, he found he didn't like to be, not fully. Even the simple presence of another in the room was enough, and other times he found he needed more boisterous company to drown out the noise in his head.
Today it was the former, Gundham happily seated in Kaz's little workshop, tending to his precious pets that had stayed with him through it all. The Devas had stuck to the shadows, had even snuck into his pod before the program, they now sat on the back of a ratty old couch dragged in there just for him, shoving their little faces full of sunflowers seeds as they were passed one at a time from a bag in Gundham's hand.
Other pets of his included a pair of wolfdogs, Ares and Aphrodite, sound asleep just outside in a patch of sun. There was a hawk, Bloodwing, content to preen itself on a special perch Kazuichi had made set beside the couch. Finally there was his rather large snake, one...whose name he couldn't remember. He knew he had obtained it before the tragedy, and kept it around as it grew into the formidable yet gentle beast it was now, but he couldn't ever recall naming it as he had the others.
If it was anything like the other memories of that time, they would return to him eventually. At least with this it wouldn't be filled with pain and regret...
And return it did in the most mundane of moments, Gundham mid pass of a sunflower seed when he caught the sight of the serpent from the corner of his eye. "You know very well the Devas are not for consumption, Mr Noo...dle." Mr Noodle?
Mr Noodle!!
"Kazuichi!" Excited, like he hadn't been in so very long. "Kazuichi, it's Mr Noodle!" Who was now held aloft like he was a scarf being presented, large and slow and uncaring where it hung limply in the former breeder's hold. "It's Mr Noodle!!"
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I think one of the biggest tragedies of Laios & Falin and their relationship is how much his actions impact her life. But like. Specifically how much they WOULDN’T impact her life as much if they weren’t both stuck in such a shitty abusive situation.
This part of the Falin-tries-makeup daydream hour comic is what got me thinking about it again because truly it just... it seems like such a like an offhand comment that I'm sure Laios didn't mean to be cruel or anything. That's just like. A little kid not thinking about what they are saying. ESPECIALLY when the kid in question is Laios.
But man they depended on each other SO much as kids. Too much. It really feels like they didn't have any other source of positive reinforcement, or anyone else to share themselves with. So of course an offhand comment like that has a huge impact on Falin.
Or this little bit from one of the flashbacks:
This tears me apart. Do you think it tears him apart to think about? I think it does. I think Laios holds every small failure to care for Falin against himself.
And then there's the Bigger stuff. The way that him coping with his own trauma ended up impacting her.
Like his interest in monsters. Like him going to find a ghost, and accidentally revealing Falin's magic to the whole village in the process.
Like him needing to leave. And leaving her behind.
He shaped her life so much, and he carries so much guilt for it. And again, there should have been other people there to help. The same things that made Laios need to leave home are the things that made his leaving so hard on Falin. She ate alone after that. She shouldn't have had to eat alone just because Laios wasn't there.
She was 9 when he left for school, and he was 11.
Nine. And Laios feels like he failed her because he didn't stand by her through this better. As an eleven year old.
Both of these kids deserved so much better from the world.
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No but if you are so much physically smaller and probably weaker than almost everyone around you then you rly do risk losing your autonomy as well as your dignity basically all the time. Living your whole life that way and ALSO seeing your loved ones live their lives that way? It would be more surprising if you WERENT kind of fucked up after that. So whenever Chilchuck just reflexively lies about something or gets really pissed off and reactive it is So Important to me!! I get it king!!! When we’re powerless we seek control in whatever ways we can even if they seem nonsensical or comical or frustrating to the people around us. If he can’t stop the world from treating him how it will then well he’ll establish his own guild with rigid contracts and make everyone stand way the fuck OVER THERE —> when he’s working and he’ll be abrasive and closed off even when people want to get to know him because underneath a professional veneer you are so fucking mad all the time. At how much of your life isn’t even up to you
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How it needs to go:
Sonic sacrifices himself to save the shatterspaces
While he's fading away, Shadow tries to save him
(The world is already saved, he doesn't need to do this if he hated Sonic. He's doing it because he cares)
Shadow makes it just in time, but doesn't realise. He thinks Sonic is gone, that he's dead (and so do we)
He says some corny sentimental shit like "come on Sonic, you can't die here. You were right, I DO need you" because who's gonna hear, right?
Sonic wakes up. He heard, and cracks some stupid joke about it
Shadow punches him
(And then hugs him)
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