#hi mutuals how are you doing. spent a long time out of tumblr im so sorry <3

[wonustars]

𝘚𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 '𝘴 𝘓𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴

“𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴. 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶” - 𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘴𝘩

𖧧 pairing: choi seungcheol x afab!reader 𖧧 wordcount: 23.5k words

𖧧 reblogs, likes and comments are always appreciated <3! tumblr is based on reblogs not likes, and they help writers like me to get better reach. thank you ^~^

𖧧 genre: best friends to friends with benefits to lovers, slow burn, angst, fluff, smut (mdni 18+)

𖧧 summary: all it took was one kiss and suddenly you and Seungcheol’s friendship has turned upside down. 𖧧 In other words: exploring how far the boundaries of your lifelong friendship can take the two of you, you and Seungcheol try to navigate what it's like to be friends with benefits. just because you're secrelty in love with each other won't fuck everything up...right?

𖧧 tags: bsf!seungcheol, nonidol!au, rich!seungcheol, middleclass!reader, sml!wonwoo, jealous!cheol, possesive!cheol, mutual pining, SLOW BURN, ANGST, both mc's are heavily in denial, lotssss of miscommunication and misunderstandings, they are one year apart, jeonghan is the only sane person, hoshi is a clingy drunk, mona eisa makes an appearance!, its such a cliche story but i love it, they make bad decsions when theyre 'h' word... 𖧧 smut tags/warnings: dom!scoups, sub!reader, multiple smut scenes, p in v unprotected sex, semi-public sex (sorry), slight mutal intoxicated sex in the first smut scene, choking, slapping, multiple positons, oral (f. receiving), fingering, creampie, praise and degradation, pet names (baby, angel, princess, love).

𖧧 note: finally... its here. im sorry for the long wait :"). i thought i was only going to do 10k words but i got carried way. i want to thank @mysafehaneul who helped me with editing this story as well as my two irl friends who brainstormed ideas with me through out the writing process <3. if i've missed any tags/warnings please dont be afraid to lmk! anyways,,, im excited because this thing is my baby, i hope you enjoy! your thoughts and comments are always welcome :') leave me a comment or ask if you want~

As long as you can remember, Seungcheol and you have been attached to the hip. Even though he was a year older than you, you couldn’t remember the last time you spent a day without him, starting all the way from the young, bright age of 5, when you and your family moved into the small, humble house across his. Although your parents weren’t very well off, Cheol was. It was an odd thing that you two were neighbours because his house was much more grand and nicer kept than yours. This didn’t really bother you growing up though, he always made you feel like an equal.  

Seungcheol has been with you through it all, from the petty fights in middle school to the pains of adolescence in high school. He’s seen you at your worst like the time you tripped and fell trying to impress a cute guy at school, which resulted in a nosebleed. You were so embarrassed but at the end of the day, Cheol was there to help you clean your bloody nose and pick you back up. A true night and shining armour in disguise. He was the one to patch up your heart, breakup after breakup. Always your shoulder to lean on when you’re feeling down, and especially when you’re happy. 

A man and best friend like Choi Seungcheol didn’t come around very often, and you took notice of that since you were young. You cherish every moment you have and will have with him. He is a true gentleman with a heart of gold, he’s handsome, smart, rich and caring. Every single box on your list is ticked off when it comes to him. Yet, you know that no matter how hard you love him, you will only ever be his best friend. The girl he sees is practically his younger sister. The bittersweet feeling of being so close to him tugs your heart till it's torn. It took you a long time to accept that all you’ll ever be is his best friend, and even now you’re still trying to accept this fact. 

I.

Fall freshly arrived in your city. The bustling sound of cars, the light whistle of the wind, the leaves that would crunch with each step. It is the perfect atmosphere for you and Seungcheol's weekend movie marathon. On today’s agenda is Divergent, a series you loved reading growing up. 

There you two sat, snuggling on the couch, wrapped in maybe ten pounds worth of blankets that could be someone’s monthly rent downtown. This is why you loved having movie marathons at Seungcheol’s place, he always has the best blankets, the best pillows, the best snacks; you could go on for days with reasons. 

Your head on his shoulder, his arm resting behind you on the couch, everything felt perfect. If you closed your eyes for just one second, you could pretend that you and he were together and that this was just a stay-at-home type of date. But, the moment your eyes open again you are faced with the reality of the situation. 

“Wow, this movie was a lot better when I was like 13…” you snort after finishing re-watching Divergent for the first time in a long time. Only because Cheol hadn’t seen it before. 

“Hmm, it's not that bad..?” He tries to defend the movie, but as someone who read all the books in middle school, you knew that it just didn’t compare. 

“No Cheol you don’t understand, it’s just gets worse from here. I really don’t know why they didn’t just decide to follow the book more properly. The first one was so good.” you huff with a frustrated sigh after finishing your rant. 

Seungcheol can only chuckle, his voice sending vibrations from how close in proximity you two were. He didn’t mind the physical affection between the two of you, after being around each other for so long, you two became accustomed to it. You were always the type to rant to him about the little things, and he just likes to sit there and listen. He always wants to be the person you go to when you want to let your feelings out, no matter how trivial your tangents are. 

“Y/n, if you hate the last two movies why are we watching them?” He asks you, his brow quirked up. 

“You’re right actually, maybe we can watch something else…” You agree, your head craned up to look at him from where you’re positioned. A small smile danced across your lips, so close to him you could feel his breath fan your face. The smell of his cologne tickles your nostrils. 

“Wanna watch Ponyo?” Seungcheol suggests he knows how much you love Ghibli movies. You always like to mention to him that you’re Ponyo and he’s Souske. He doesn't disagree with you, jesting that he would carry you around in a bucket full of water as Souske does. 

Agreeing, giving an affirmative nod, you snuggle into him further as he changes the movie, exiting out of the dumpster fire they call the Divergent. As the movie starts to play, you think back to all the times Seungcheol was your Souske, and all the times he spent making sure you would heal from your hurt. 

II. 

Seungcheol has always seen himself as your best friend. The man that will be there for you when you have no one else to turn to. He has never seen you as more than his best friend, his y/n. He is a man who never second-guesses himself, always keeping a strong-willed sense of mind. Every time one of his friends asked him if he had feelings for you, he would simply answer no; and that you were like a younger sister to him. 

That first year was lonely for him, he didn’t really know anyone and all his classes kept him away from socializing. The only thing that seemed to have stayed constant was you. You face-timed him at least once a week before he went to bed, never forgetting to remind him how much you missed him, and how much you cared for him. In the simplest words, you were his rock for during first year. 

Seungcheol was never warned about how lonely and jarring your first year could be. The change in place, people, and most importantly the change in the fact that you weren’t there experiencing it beside him. He was never one to believe clichè sayings, but he finally understood what the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder” really felt like. He had gotten so overwhelmed from the loneliness he even began to write you letters, ones he would never actually send out, as cheesy as it sounds. But knowing that he was addressing them to you brought him some type of solace in that first year. 

 A year later you came to study at the same university, and he was elated, to say the least. Finally, he had thought to himself. The one person he hadn’t been able to see, smell, or touch for a year was finally going to be in his proximity. 

Unlike Cheol, you were only able to go to this school through bursaries and scholarships, your parents simply just couldn’t afford to send you to school in a different city otherwise. It reminded you how lucky Seungcheol was to receive support from his parents, getting and going to school was nothing he had to ever think twice about. You knew you could’ve stayed with your family, and gone to school closer to your house, but with Cheol away, it just wasn’t the same. Nothing had felt the same since he left. But this didn’t matter to you the moment you felt his arms wrap around you again. 

You stood there in the airport all alone, eyes searching for a head of freshly dyed blond hair. The moment you heard his voice call your name, you knew you were finally home. 

“Y/n!” An excited, deep voice calls out for you. 

You whip your head around to see him. The man you hadn’t seen in so long, the man you were so desperately in love with. Your best friend. 

“Cheol!” A squeal escapes your lips, you run to him. He pulls you into a tight hug, wrapping his large hands around your smaller frame. Swinging you around like crazy, a laugh bubbles up from your throat. 

“I’ve missed you so much y/n.” Cheol exasperates as he hugs you tighter, leaving a kiss on the top of your head.

“I’ve missed you too Cheol…” You whisper into his chest, breathing in his expensive cologne, not caring that you are in public; staying there to embrace him for a weirdly long period of time. “Never leave for that long again.” 

III.

“Y/n for fucks sake please stop asking me if we can match for Halloween,” Seungcheol whines, his hands running over his face in exhaustion. 

“C’mon it be so fun please please pleaseee,” you beg, your “please’s” getting longer with each second he refuses. You’re both sat on his couch, the morning after your movie marathon sleepover. Kneeling beside his spot on the sofa, shaking his shoulder excessively to get him to agree with you. 

It’s a week before Jeonghan’s infamous Halloween party, one that you’ve attended every year since you moved here. It is known for being one of the biggest parties of the year, and Jeonghan is the most dramatic yet genius host on campus. Everyone goes, and you mean everyone. This year is no different than the previous ones. You and Cheol have gone together every year, and he has yet to do a matching costume with you. This year you’re simply not backing down from a simple no. 

“But Tom and Jerry would be so funny!” You attempt to reason with him, giving him your biggest doe eyes and sweetest pout. You looked ridiculous, begging like a Victorian child asking for an extra piece of bread. 

“Fine. Fine!” Seunghceol finally gives in. If there was something he just can’t resist, it’s when you beg to him with puppy dog eyes. It somehow has always worked for you, even when you two were kids. 

“Yes! Finally oh my god, i’ve been waiting for this to happen for the past 3 years!” You jump around victoriously in your fluffy pyjamas. Seungcheol can’t help but laugh at your celebratory dance, especially when you wore fluffy bunny printed pj’s. 

“Ok ok calm down, I’ll only allow it if I get to be the stupid Jerry cat.” he grumbles, arms crossed as he leans against his couch. 

“You mean Tom you idiot..” You muttered under your breath as you sit back on the couch, returning back to the Ghibli marathon. 

You weren’t very slick though, Seungcheol weirdly had a great sense of hearing for someone who can act like an old man sometimes. He turns to you with a glare and you let out a squeak, ready to run away from his hold, wow he is really taking his Tom role seriously, you thought as he chased you around his apartment. The sound of child-like laughter fills the space, your Ghibli movie long forgotten. 

IV.

Monday had finally rolled around the corner, which you dread even more after spending the weekend in Paradise a là Seungcheol, a.k.a his apartment; which was a lot more fun to be at in comparison to your own. He lived on one of the highest floors in his apartment building, while you lived in the cheapest place closest to campus. It was kind of laughable how different your life is compared to Seungcheol’s, yet out of everyone he’s your bestfriend. 

What’s even worse about this Monday is that you’re finally getting your assigned partner for the midterm project. With your fingers crossed you hope that the professor would pair you up with either Jeonghan or Seunghcheol. At least it would make doing the project a little bit more bearable, especially knowing that the whole project itself is worth fifteen percent of your grade. Not a lot but enough to make a dent in your average if you get careless, which you can’t afford. Literally. 

“Okay, so I’m just going to start assigning people randomly…” The professor drones on before beginning to give out assigned partners. 

“Y/n L/n and Jeon Wonwoo.” Your name is finally called, and thank the heavens your partner is someone you actually know, and someone you know who is smart too. 

In a hurried fashion, you make your way to sit beside Wonwoo. You two weren’t really all that close, but you had mutual friends. He is often seen with Mingyu, considering the fact that they are roommates. You had only learnt this from Seungcheol, who was closest to Mingyu. A golden retriever turned person who he had become friends with at the end of his first year in uni. 

Wonwoo is an attractive guy, and smart too, which you cannot deny. He was relatively popular for those reasons, but you never really paid much attention to him. Only ever talking to him at parties or in the student union centre eating lunch with Cheol, Mingyu, and Vernon. Honestly, you were just glad to be paired with someone who you know isn’t going to make you do the whole damn thing by yourself. 

You slip into the desk where he sits, exchanging a soft hello before bringing out your laptop to write notes. “Hey Wonwoo, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Y/n.” 

“Yeah I remember you, you’re Seungcheol’s best friend right?” He asks, probably thinking you look familiar from all the times you had been seen walking around campus with Cheol.

“I am, unfortunately…haha.” You laugh awkwardly along with your joke, trying to break the ice between you two. Wonwoo just nods his head at you slowly, aware of your attempt to make a joke. He definitely wasn’t much of a talker. You picked up on that every time Mingyu had brought him around, and every time you saw him he was either on his phone or talking to a friend quietly in a corner. 

You two got down to business pretty quickly after your lousy attempt to try and make conversation. This is definitely one of those moments that would potentially keep you up a night. The ones where you’re trying to fall asleep and suddenly remember an embarrassing thing you did or said. 

On the other side of the room are Jeonghan and Seunghceol, and much to Seungcheol's dismay he got paired up with the one person he didn’t want to be with. The moment the professors called out their names, Jeonghan turned around giving him the biggest shit-eating grin. With the professor’s queue, he makes his way to sit beside Cheol, sitting too close for comfort. 

Jeonghan loves to tick Seungcheol off, he thinks it’s a great way to pass the time. Maybe even one of his favourites. There was something about getting under his skin that he just found so amusing. It doesn’t really help that Jeonghan is one of Y/n’s closest friends, second to Cheol even. 

He met Y/n in her first year at the University and even knew Cheol prior to Y/n, but the two men somehow never really got along. Jeonghan and Y/n shared an intro to psychology class back in her first year and became close for sharing an innate hatred towards their professor. After that, they were like two peas in a pod. Four years into their friendship, Jeonghan still relentlessly teases Cheol, especially when Y/n is around. 

Jeonghan has always been an observant man, at least he’d like to think so. The first time he saw Y/n and Seungcheol interact he could tell from the beginning that they were hopelessly in love with each other. Although he would never outright butt into their relationship, he definitely knows how to push things along. Their body language towards each other really was the biggest giveaway and the way Cheol gives into everything Y/n would say. What’s even more laughable was the fact that they were both deeply in denial, for what reason? Jeonghan didn’t know but he found their oblivious attitude to be insufferable. Call him bitter but after spending much time with the two of them he just wanted them to finally bite the bullet and date already. 

“Hmm look at Y/n getting all cozy with Wonwoo, they would be cute together wouldn’t they Cheollie?” Jeonghan provoked, calling Seungcheol by a horrid nickname. He poked at Seungcheols arm, giving him a cheshire cat grin. The blond man was not very amused by Jeonghan’s antics, giving him a deathly glare. 

“You’re blowing this out of proportion you idiot, they’re just partners for a project.” Seungcheol scoffs, rolling his eys at how fast Jeonghan is shipping you with Wonwoo. “Also stop fucking calling me Cheollie, its such an ugly nickname.”

“Why not Cheollie? You let Y/n call you that…” He wiggles his eyebrows. “I’m just saying people don’t just start dating out of nowhere, plus they’ll be spending a lot of alone time together.” Jeonghan eggs on, nudging Seungcheol with his elbow.

Seungcheol moves his attention towards you, boring holes into the back of you and Wonwoo’s head. Seeing you with Wonwoo didn’t settle right with him, he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it’s because of what Jeonghan said or the fact that imagining you so close with another man wasn’t something he was used to. It doesn’t matter anyways, they’re just partners, nothing else, Seungcheol thought. He lets out a huff of vexation, bracing himself for the upcoming weeks he has to put up with Jeonghan’s antics. 

X.

The day of Jeonghan’s party had finally arrived, and you couldn’t be more excited. Midterms had just finished up and you were more than ready to drink away the stress. You hadn’t been to a party in a while now, and you were definitely due for a good one. You were dying just to get your mind off school at least for one night, drinking with your friends and wear a skimpy halloween costume. 

The walk to Seungcheol’s apartment isn’t very long, a brisk five minutes and you’re already in front of the entrance. You were excited to see his costume, especially because you haven’t seen him dress up for halloween since you two were kids. As you walked down to his apartment you couldn’t help but appreciate the perfect weather for tonights party. The slightly chilly wind blowing through your hair, the moon full and shining bright in the already dark sky. You just had a weird flutter in your heart that gave you the impression that this party isn’t going to be like any of the previous ones. 

Walking down the hall to your best friend’s place always has you in awe, no matter how many times you’ve been down the path to his apartment. Most of the time you felt out of place, everything is so extravagant. The doorman, the high-speed elevator, and especially Cheol’s large floor to ceiling windows. It had a whole view of the bustling city and it took the breath out of you everytime you would spend a few minutes appreciating the scenery. 

You knock on his door, and not more than a few seconds later hes opening the door for you. A hearty laugh leaves your lips as your met with the image of him wearing grey cat ears. His cheeks rosy and the tips of his ears turn a hot red as he lets you in. you can’t help but giggle as you make your way into his living room. 

Seungcheol may be a little embarrassed by the cat ears but the real reason he’s blushing so hard isn’t because you’re laughing at him. The moment he opened the door the first thing he notices is your costume. He mentally slapped himself trying not to drool at your figure. The brown corset you had on hugs your waist perfectly, the tightness accenuating your cleavage. Your breasts are practically spilling out of the top and the view is causing all the blood in his body to rush to his head. As you walked past him laughing he couldn’t help but look down at how little your skirt covered. His heart was beating so fast, but he quickly masks his desire for you with annoyance. 

“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you in cat ears.” You’re practically creasing on his couch, laughing after every word. 

“You’re the one who wanted to do Tom and Jerry!” he defends himself, a displeased look plastered on his face. 

“O-ok sorry sorry, it’s cute! Don’t worry.” A giggle slips past your lips. You stand up and fix his cat ears, your smile widening at the fact that he’s not happy with how “cute” his costume is. “C’mon lemme draw some whiskers and a nose on you.” 

Taking his hand, you lead him to the couch. You let him sit down comfortably on the couch before you climb onto his lap, your eyeliner pencil in hand, ready to draw some whiskers. You focus on giving a cute circular nose, your tongue sticking out a little in concentration. Not wanting to mess up the whiskers, you dont pay attention to anything else as you draw three straight lines on each of his cheeks. 

Seungcheol on the other hand is trying very hard not to focus on you. His hands are squeezing your hips with an iron grip. The direct view of your cleavage, the proximity of your body, it was getting too much for him. You were so in your own world, concerned by his cat makeup that you don’t even notice your skirt riding up the slightest bit. He takes notice of this, his breath caught in his throat. With your legs straddling his, he has a good view of your panties peaking out from your skirt. Seungcheol can feel himself getting aroused but he’s trying his best to ignore it, his hands starting to sweat profusely. 

“Fuck…” He mumbles under his breath, looking straight down at your exposed underwear. He felt a bit like a pervert but he just couldn’t tear his eyes away from your body. 

“Shh I’m almost done promise.” You assure him, oblivious to the fact that he’s not whining about the make up. “Annnd done!” A satisfied smile spreads across your face as you get off his lap. Pulling down your skirt a little because of it slightly hiking up from being on his lap. 

With a relieved sigh, Seungcheol gets up from the couch after you. He wasn’t sure why he’s feeling about this away about you all of sudden. Maybe it was because you two were so close in such an intimate way? No that can’t be it, Seungcheol thinks to himself, we’ve known each other for so long. Maybe its because your costume was accenuating every attractive thing about you, he really didn’t know. But what he does know is if that happened again he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. With that last thought, he decides to just brush it off for now. He feels more than ready to get some alcohol in his system. 

“Lets go?” Seungcheol asks, lending you his bicep to wrap your hand around. You nod, taking his arm before walking out of his apartment, ready for the fun night ahead. 

VI. 

You two arrive in front of Jeonghan’s house. It isn’t a far walk from Seungcheol’s apartment, maybe five to eight minutes and you were already there. As you stroll along the side walk the music exuding from his house becomes increasingly loud. The thumping of the bass echoing slightly throughout the neighbourhood, the halloween decorations hanging off the exterior. You are a little bit in awe at how many people are able to fit in a tiny bungalow, but despite the crowded atmosphere, a party like this is a perfect way to celebrate the end of your midterms. 

As you and Seungcheol enter the house, you can already recognize a few familiar faces from your classes as well as some of your closest friends. The music practically enveloped you the moment you stepped into the room, the bass causing your heart to thump out of your chest. You squeeze onto Seungcheol’s arm tighter, not wanting to lose him in the crowd. He keeps you close, fearing that you may disappear the moment he lets you go. As you continue to scan the room for your friends, one person in paritcualr catches your attention. 

 Soonyoung who was of course wearing a tiger onesie, is already in a drunken state, swaying around aimlessly, bumping into people and then proceeding to apologize with a hug accompanied by a kiss on the cheek. Watching this unfold causes a giggle to escape your lips, you pat Seungcheol and motion to the silly drunkard making his way out of the heaps of people. Seungcheol chuckles at Soonyoung as he ends up making his way over to the two of you. The drunk tiger yells out for you , engulfing you and Cheol into a bone crushing hug.  

“Typical of you Hosh, you’re already drunk off your ass,” you scold him as you call him by his nickname, patting his fluffly tiger hood. “Now what are you doing going around and giving people kisses?” 

“Y/Nie stop acting like my mom, c’mon lets go find Hao and the others.” Soonyoung whines, tugging on your arm so that you would follow him. You give Seungcheol a look, and he just nods, you knew that meant he would go and find you later. So you let Hoshi pull you away, brining you over to your friends. 

You spot Jeonghan and Minghao conversing in a corner of the room. This is the first time you’ve seen an angel look like they were out to do more bad than good. Jeonghan’s angel wings and halo shaking as he laughs at something Minghao says. On Jeonghan’s left side is a Mona Lisa painting with the head and arms cut out. You laugh at the way Minghao is constantly keeping his hands in the same way as the original position of the painting as he talks. 

“Y/N! Finally the party doesn’t really start till you’re here.” Jeonghan greets you, taking you out of Hoshi’s grasp to pull you into a hug. “Your costume is adorable but also really sexy, Jerry right? Where’s your Tom?” 

“Goodevening to you too Hannie, and uhm…Mona Lisa?” You giggle at Minghao’s odd choice in costume.

“Mona Eisa actually.” He corrects and you don’t even think to ask any further questions. 

“Well… he would’ve been here if this intoxicated hamster didn’t pull me away from him.” You reply to Jeonghan, giving Soonyoung a look, seeing that he’s already cuddling up to Minghao, who doesn’t seem too pleased by the sudden affection. “Soonyoung stop trying to strangle Hao, he’s not going to disappear.” you scold him again, resulting in a pouty tiger. 

“Jesus Soonyoung let go of me that onesie you have on is like a fucking space heater.” Minghao complains, trying to push Hoshi away. Hoshi only whines, holding on tighter. Looking at the situation unfolding, a stranger would think Minghao is the older one of the two. You have always known how much of a lightweight Hoshi is, but tonight it seems he’s had more than usual. 

“Y/N stop calling me a hamster, and Hao what’s wrong with a hug? I thought we were friends..” He continues to whine, his cheeks red from the alcohol.

“We won’t be if you keep holding onto me like that you idiot,” Minghao replies, giving Hoshi a warning look. He let Minghao go with a mope forming on his lips. Minghao can only laugh and pat his head. He wasn’t a big fan of physical affection but he still adored Hoshi even if he was clingy. Y/N found their friendship amusing, they would always quarrel with one another yet still show affection when it really mattered. 

“Ok ok, break it up you two. Y/N over here is way too sober, let’s fix that.” Jeonghan suggests, and you happily agree. Hoshi’s face lights up and he attempts to follow the two of you. “No Hoshi, not you, you’ve had enough. Go find Seungkwan Hao, this guy needs to be put on an alcohol ban.” 

Soonyoung sulks even harder, causing his chubby cheeks to accentuate. It made you giggle at how cute he gets when he’s drinking. You bid your goodbyes to Hoshi and Minghao and follow Jeonghan into the kitchen. As you trek towards where the alcohol is you say hello to some of the people you were friendly with, complimenting the pretty costumes you saw on the way. 

 When you finally reach the kitchen, the countertop is filled with bottles of every type of alcohol. You end up spotting Seungcheol standing around the island, talking and drinking with Mingyu, Vernon, and Wonwoo. They notice your presence immediately giving you a polite wave. Wonwoo on the other hand takes a longer than normal look at you. This catches Seungcheol’s attention, causing him to grip his red cup harder till it is slightly crumpled in his hand. 

“Cheollibee! I didn’t see you come in earlier.” Jeonghan snickers, taking a good glance at his costume. This only makes Cheol scowl at him, muttering about the wretched nicknames Jeonghan is always coming up with. 

“Hello Jeonghan.” Seunghceol deadpans, still leaning leisurely against the island. 

“You wanna take a shot with me and Y/N? It’ll be fun, promise.” Jeonghan urges, a mischievous glint twinkling in his eyes. You watch the two and laugh, Seungcheol never fails to show his disdain for Jeonghan, it was kind of their thing.

“Sure why not.” Cheol shrugs, coming up to the two of you. He stands behind you, your body pressed against the counter, you can feel his breath fan the back of your neck. Stiffening at the feeling, you watch him grab a bottle from in front of you before pouring out three shots. For some reason the music was nothing compared to how fast your pulse was beating in your ears right now. 

Seungcheol’s strong bicep wraps around you to pour a sufficient amount of liquor in each glass, his cologne engulfing your senses. It makes your knees weak, the proximity of his body pressing up against you has your mind running laps. It was so close you could feel his front side brush up against your behind. The thin material of your skirt feeling the texture of his rough jeans. 

“You ready?” Seungcheol whispers in your ear as you look down at the shot glass that he’s trying to hand you. The way his breath fans across your face makes you shiver inwardly. You only nod, taking the little shot glass out of his grasp. 

From Jeonghan’s point of view you look like a deer in headlights, he can’t help but smirk. Seungcheol’s presence obviously affecting you. 

You turn around to face Cheol, and he backs away a little bit, taking the space beside you; one of his hands gripping the counter beside your waist. His blond hair pushed back, the soft cat ear headband hes wearing contrasts against his hard features. As you throw back your shot, you can’t help but keep your eyes on him. His strong jawline becomes more prominent as he takes his own shot, the liquor dripping a little bit off his chin onto his shirt. Fuck, you thought, i’m not drunk enough for this. 

Jeonghan sees you ogling and can’t help but chuckle to himself, he pours another set of shots before handing them off to the two of you. Taking the shot, you wince one again as you feel the alcohol burn down your throat. Two shots aren’t enough to get you drunk but you were definitely starting to feel a light buzz. Your surroundings start to become a tad bit hazy, but in a good way. 

“Cheollie why don’t you take Y/N to dance?” Jeonghan suggests, his cheshire cat like grin returning. The look of his mischievous smile in juxtaposition with his innocent and pure white angel costume. 

Your eyes light up the moment ‘dance’ slipped out of Jeonghan’s mouth, causing you to tug on Seungcheol’s sleeve, urging him to take you to where everyone else is dancing. The alcohol running through his system and the way your eyes sparkle under the kitchen lights is enough for Seungcheol to agree. He could feel his buzz coming on now but he knew he is far from drunk. 

“Fine, let’s go.” He allows, pretending not to be a little intrigued on what your definition of ‘dancing’ is.  

You smile excitedly and take his hand, leading him to the dance floor, your hips already swinging along with the music. Which was more like the middle of Jeonghan’s living room with the couches pushed to the side. The crowd of people in the middle of the room are moving with the groove of the thumping bass. You start to do the same, letting your inhibitions go. Taking Seungcheol’s hands you place them on your hips, your body's flush with each others. You snake your hands around his neck, holding onto him as you continue to move with the music. The grasp of his large hands holding your hips tight ignites sparks in your stomach. 

Seungcheol’s throat goes dry as you turn around, your back facing him. Your ass flush with his front, causing him to hold onto your hips even tighter. What the fuck…, he thinks to himself. The feeling of arousal sneaking up on him for the third time tonight. As you continue to grind on him, he can’t help but let out a low groan, your ass moving against his growing hard on. 

“You enjoying your self princess?” Seungcheol whispers in your ear, his hands starting to move up and down. From your hips to your waist, up then back down to your hips once again. Your breath hitches, the tips of his fingers leaving a searing heat on your skin in its wake. The buzzing haze clouding your thoughts, the pounding of the music, the feeling of his hands on you, it was too much all at once. 

“Mhmm..” Is the only thing you can say in response as you continue to dance against him. 

Seungcheol chuckles, he can sense your arousal too, with the way you put your hands over his, guiding them back to your hips. Keeping your hands on top of his own, you let the music take over you. You close your eyes to really savour the moment; just because you’re not sure when the next time you will get to experience this with Cheol again. 

The more you dance with him, the warmer you get. The heat of his body radiates onto you, his hands move from your hips down to your exposed thighs then back up. Who knew that two shots in, you would be dancing (grinding) on your best friend in the middle of Jeonghan’s Halloween party? As time goes on, you feel your clothes stick to your skin just a little more than before, as well as the heat brewing in your stomach. 

“Cheollie…” You look over your shoulder to meet his gaze. With a seductive smile, you give him bedroom eyes, not caring that you’re in front of so many people you know. Or the fact that you’re feeling extremely attracted to your best friend right now. “I’m feeling a little warm, can we go somewhere a little more quiet?” you ask, feigning your timidness. 

“Yeah if that’s what you want.” He nods, giving you his charming, dimpled smile. 

You take his hand, leading him down the hallway to Jeonghan’s room. But before you enter you send a text to Jeonghan, asking if it was ok to stay in his room for a bit. He replies promptly saying that it was fine and to drink the water in his mini fridge if you needed to. After reading that you had permission to enter, you bring both you and Cheol into the room, closing the door promptly behind you.

“You feeling better in here Y/N?” Seungcheol inquires, grabbing a water from the mini fridge and handing it to you. You simply nod, grabbing the water from his and taking a sip. 

“Yeah thank you, it was getting really hot out there. Thank god Hannie always keeps his room freezing cold.” You shrug before taking another sip of your water as you sit down on his bed. You admire Seungcheol as he walks toward you, his tight shirt highlighting his muscular biceps, veins running down his forearms. You mentally shake yourself to stop the drool from dripping past your lips. 

He towers over you, standing in front of you as you sit on the bed. You clear your throat before putting the water bottle down on the bedside table. Seungcheol grabs a piece of your hair, tucking it behind your ear, his hand moving down slowly to get ahold of your jaw. His grip is firm but gentle, forcing you to look up at him from where you sit. You gulp, frozen, his actions not clear enough for you to predict what he’ll do next. 

“You have been teasing me a whole lot while you were dancing, did you know that princess?” He asks, looking down at you while he runs his thumb over your lip, pulling it down slightly.

He relinquishes his hold from your face, going to sit beside you on the bed. Your heart beats out of your chest as your eyes meet his. Seungcheol’s pupils are enlarged, his brown eyes lidded with lust. You aren’t sure what to do, but whatever he has planned you really wouldn’t be opposed to any of it. Although you were having fun dancing with him, a part of you knew if you kept on grinding against him like that, his self-restraint would break. 

The muffled music and the sound of your heavy breaths are the only things to be heard in the room. You bite your lip, not sure how to answer him, your cheeks heating with a little embarrassment, apprehension, and excitement.

 “No Cheol I didn’t mean to,” you murmur, your face dangerously close to his. He shakes his head with a chuckle.

“Didn’t mean to what? Get me hard from having you grinding on me like that?” he retorts, his hand comes up to grip your cheek, squishing it between his thumb and forefingers. “I think you did mean to, I only have so much self-control princess.”  

He lets go of his grip on you, caressing the spot on your cheek where he pressed his thumb. With one swift motion, he grips your hips and pulls you onto his lap, moving your thighs to straddle his. You yelp due to how quickly he got you into the position, your skirt riding up once again. 

“Mm.. Maybe just a little bit, I guess I got caught up in the moment…” you admit shyly, averting his hard gaze as you play with the hem of your skirt. 

“Well your actions have consequences sweetheart, so what are you gonna do about it?” He whispers into your ear. A shiver runs down your spine, and the feeling of his hot breath fanning your face causes the heat to pool in your core, staining your panties. 

“Cheollie…” you whimper, his hands back on your hips, his grip tightening with every second that passes. Embarrassed, you bury your face into the crook of his neck, not wanting to look him in the eyes. You were just so embarrassed at how turned on you are, the feeling of his body so close to yours has your walls lining with arousal. 

“You gonna fix what you did princess?” He continues to whisper to you, making you feel like you two are the only people in the entire house. The feeling of his hands rubbing up and down your back soothingly has you leaning more into his touch, his fingertips leaving sparks as he continues. You nod into where you buried your face into his neck. 

“With words.” His tone is firm and another shiver runs through you, but instead, it runs straight through your hot core. His hands now running over your bare thighs, squishing them ever so slightly, as he admires how they look smushed onto his lap. 

“I’ll fix it, I want to.” You whisper as you look down at his full lips, your arms moving to wrap around his neck. “I really want you right now Cheollie…” 

“I want you too, are you sure princess?” He asks, keeping a safe distance until he receives some verbal consent from you. 

“Yes, I want it please.” You’re practically begging, whimpering as you lean in closer, your nose touching his. 

Lost in his scent, you can feel the blood rush to your head at how close you are to him right now. His hands gripping onto your waist, his lips so close to yours but still not touching. The alcohol,  your beating heart, his touch, it’s making your head dizzy with arousal. You wanted this so bad and you didn’t know much you needed it up until this point. Out of all the people you’ve been with before, nothing compares to how much you’re own best friend is turning you on right now. Something about him intoxicates you way more than the two shots you downed less than half an hour ago. 

With that last thought, Seungcheol finally crashes his lips into yours. The moment he felt your lips on top of his it was like a fire ignited in him, one that he couldn’t seem to light properly till you. He’s only been kissing you for less than a minute but you’ve already got him hooked. He knows that theres going to be no one after you. The feeling of your body against his is making all the blood rush down to his dick. 

You place your hands on both his cheeks, pushing him into your face even more. Tasting the remnants of alcohol on his tongue, the flavour of him and what he drank making you whimper into the kiss. Seungcheol pushes his tongue into your mouth, exploring the softness of your lips. You couldn’t comprehend how delicious it is to kiss Seungcheol, like he was some nectar you’ve been deprived of all your life. 

He groans as he feels you grind your clothed heat against his growing erection, the friction causing his head to spin. Gripping your hips even tighter, he continues you to kiss you with while moving your hips back and forth with ease. The hard motions causing you to pull back to let out a moan. 

“Haven’t even touched you properly and you’re already moaning like that…” Seungcheol groans, kissing up exposed cleavage and collarbones. “Fuck angel you’ll be the death of me.”

He adores the corset you have on, the fact that your tits practically spilling out right in front of his face made his dick even harder for you. 

“Mmmph, Cheol please…” You whine as he continues to suck on your exposed skin, leaving red marks all over. Gripping on his biceps to stabalize yourself, the feeling of him sucking harshly on your soft skin makes your eyes roll back. As you continue to grind on him you could feel him growing harder underneath you, it nudges against your cunt but barely, teasing you even further. 

“Tell me baby, what do you want?” He chuckles against your skin, leaving kisses along your neck and face. 

“I need you to fuck me please…” You beg, your eyebrows scrunching in frustration, the kissing and grinding just isn’t enough for you. 

“Are you sure princess?” He asks slowly, trying to make sure that is something you really want. You look into his soft brown eyes with desperation, nodding to let him know that you need him right now. 

“I do I do please Cheol, cant take this teasing anymore.” you complain, grinding your hips to urge him to take you already.

“You’re a needy little slut aren’t you darling?” He smirks, placing his lips on yours once again. This time he doesn’t hold back with his actions, untying your corset from the back before taking it completely off you. He groans into the kiss as he places his hands your breasts, playing and tweaking with your pebbled nipples. You moan into his mouth as you feel him grope at your chest, fondling them in his hands expertly. 

“P-please I need you now Cheol,” you whine harder, gripping onto his strands of blond hair, trying to ground yourself in this moment of increasing pleasure. His lack of touch where you need him most is frustrating you, he may be sucking on your tits but you want him to be sucking on your clit instead. 

You’re irritation forces you to seek relief for yourself, your hand snaking down past the bottom of your skirt, pushing your thong to the side. Placing your fingers on your sticky clit you let out a sastified moan. Cheol catches on quickly to your attempt to pleasure your self. You barely got to go in a full circle on your throbbing bud before he throws you onto the bed, laying you on your stomach. Dizzy from the sudden change in positions, you yell out a yelp as he forces your skirt cladded ass in the air. 

“What a naughty girl you are…” Cheol mutters to himself. 

He tugs at your skirt so it bunches up around your hips, exposing your bare ass for him. Smirking to him self, he starts to caress the supple skin, that is until he brings his hand back to slap your ass with full force. It was so agressive that it jiggles from the impact, leaving a read hand mark on the soft surface. 

“Ah! Cheol please ‘m sorry, didn’t meant to touch m-myself,” you cry out, the tears stinging your eyes. The cries turning into moans as he continues to smack your ass one…two… three times… until its too much for you to count. You’ve never been hit like this before but you can’t deny how good it feels. 

“This is what happens when you act like a fucking whore princess.” He chuckles, rubbing your hand print covered skin, trying to soothe you. “Tell me you wont touch yourself without my permission again.” 

“I-I wont, p-promise. Please Cheollie I need you.” You blubber, the tears falling down your face. He hasn’t even touched your needy pussy and you’re already a mess for him. 

Seungcheol is satisfied at how pliant you’ve become, crying and apologizing for him like a good girl. He thinks of all the things he wants to do to you, but ultimately he decides to reward you first. You had taken his slapping so obediently, he thought, wanting to giving you a prize for enduring him. So he turns you around, your back against the mattress, legs spread wide apart for him. He finally gets a good look at your face, becoming more satisfied seeing that the tears are staining your make up, your nose red, and your eyebrows knotted in sexual frustration as you pout for him. Cute, he thought. 

“Dont worry baby, i’ll eat you so good you’ll forget all about the pain.” He laughs as he lowers himself until he’s face to face with your heat. His warm breath fanning against your folds. His hands gripping your thighs tightly, keeping you spread for him. He licks his lips, wetting them before he indulges into your hot cunt. 

Your underwear already pushed aside, he begins to lick a long fat strip against your wet lips. Letting out a wanton moan, you hold onto his hair, your thighs trying to close but his grip only becoming more tense. 

“Fuck Cheol… so good.” you moan out, your eyes rolling back with pleasure. He hums against your core, sending vibrations. His actions continue to make your walls build up with more arousal. You’re so immersed in the feeling of his tongue, he decides to take it up a notch. Choking on air, you feel him insert a finger into your dripping hole, hooking it so it rubs against that spot that sends you into heaven. As his finger slides in and out of you, he suckles on your bundle of nerves. This is the moment you begin to see stars, and you start to feel that familiar build up below your stomach. Cheol adds another finger, picking up his pace a little bit. 

“Hmmph Cheol please… need to cum.” you beg him, and he speeds up. He speeds up so much you almost black out. Screaming his name, he puts all his force into getting you to the edge, it makes your toes curl. And then its gone. 

“What the fuck?” you ask him, you face flushed from the moments before, but also with frustration. He can only smirk at you as he licks his fingers clean, his jaw wet with your arousal. Seungcheol’s eyes darken as he takes in your small frame below him, your wetness still glistening off his chin. His cat ears long gone, you admire his muscular build as he begins to take off his clothing. 

“Just wanted to see you come on my cock…” He mumbles, lining up his member with your entrance. Its large and the girth of it causes your breath to catch in your throat. You’re a little scared how much of it is going to fit without it stinging, but at this point you can’t bring yourself to care. All you want him to do now is to fuck you dumb. 

Seungcheol’s self control is thinning second by second, he wants to take his time with you. Playing with you till his touch is burned into your skin. Till his length is burned in your pussy’s memory. So he teases you more, rubbing the tip of his hard member against your  dripping folds. He loves how he can hear your lips squelch with every movement he makes. 

Savouring the feeling of his cock head bumping into your clit, he places his hands on the mattress beside your waist. He moves his hips back and forth, letting his length glide against your lips but never going into your needy hole. The underside of his dick nestled within your folds, hitting your clit with each thrust. 

“Oh hmph… Cheollie please… inside please.” you moan salaciously, as you peak at how his cock is rubbing you. It looks so pornographic you almost come just at the sight of all. 

“Sorry baby, I just want to savour you for a bit.” He apologizes, his voice wavering as pleasure radiates through his body. The pre cum beading off the tip of his hardness. He relents his teasing, pulling back a bit to sit on the back of his heels. He stares at your knotted brows, the anticipation clearly written all over your face. Chuckling to himself he enters your tight cunt in one go. “So fucking tight for me…” 

“Cheol!” you yell his name, your legs held up to your chest by his large hands, folding you in half. 

“Holy fuck princess, your pussy is perfect.” He praises into your ear while moving in and out of your entrance with ease. You clench around him after hearing him compliment you, your brain going blank with pleasure. The feeling of his cock makes you dizzy, especially with how perfectly he fills you. His large member stretching your walls deliciously, the tip grazing against that one spot that makes you weak. 

“You love taking this cock like a little slut don’t you.” He mutters, letting go of your legs to put one against his shoulder.  You can only nod and make sounds of approval. 

Seungcheol admires the way his thick cock is spreading your entrance, making him groan. The white ring forming around the base of his dick makes his push into you faster. Your moans increase as you feel him speed up, the sounds of skin slapping fill the room. The echoing sounds of your wet pussy being filled by Seungcheol’s cock grows louder, making you even more horny than before. 

You are so fucked out, you couldn’t even form words of praise for him. The ridges of your walls being filled up by him is something you didn’t know you needed until now. 

That feeling you had in your chest on your way to Cheol’s place resurfaces, is this the night your friendship with him changes forever? You think to yourself while looking into his eyes, your eyebrows scrunching as you moan.

 The sight is so lewd, his member twitches inside your heat. He knows he’s close, but he doesn’t want this to end. As he continues to thrust into you, he can’t help but admire your beauty. Seungcheol was always aware that you’re an attractive person, but something about you being under him right now, drunk off his cock, basking in the moonlight that spills through the semi-closed curtain is really doing something to him. The feeling in his stomach only intensifies as he watches you moan his name deliriously. So fucking pretty, he thinks, the image of your coming undone burning into his memory. 

“You close princess?” He asks you, watching the way your legs are starting to shake a little. You nod as you look at him, silently pleading for him to make you cum. He flashes you a smile as his free hand goes to rub circles on your clit, continuing to piston in and out of your tightening hole. Eyes rolling with pleasure, your back arching off the bed as you lean into his touch even more. Clenching and then unclenching, your pussy is pulsing as it greedily sucks him in. 

Seungcheol curses under his breath at the grip you have around his hard length, your walls pulsating with each circle he rubs into your clit. “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna come,” he warns you. 

You smile at him mischeviously, repeating your actions again and again, watching his strokes becoming sloppier by the second. 

“Come inside me Cheol, wanna see it drip out after,” you beg him, staring at him through your eyelashes innocently. He doesn’t have to be told twice, his speed increasing once again. This shuts you up quickly, as you whine at the feeling of his tip kissing your cervix. You feel him twitch in you again, and you know he’s close, so are you. Letting go, you orgasm, letting the high wash over your whole body. Your orgasm triggers his, causing him to spurt his hot load into your spent pussy, creaming you. 

“That was…” you say with a sigh, the exhaustion starting to catch up with you. Seungcheol’s breathing is heavy, his cock still buried in your cunt, his cum starting to seep out of the edges of your folds. 

“Yeah it was.” He agress with you, finally pulling out. He takes a tissue from the bedside table, wiping off his softening member and then you. Kissing your forehead, he collects your clothes as well as his own. 

You watch his muscular back as he picks up each article of clothing. A cold shiver running down your spine as the realisation washed over you, causing your heart to skip. 

I just fucked my best friend, you thought to yourself. Your cheeks heat up profusely at how lustful you two became, but also your bashfulness turns into embarrassment and a little bit of worry. The talks you’ve had with Jeonghan and the others about hooking up with a close friend flood your mind. You know things like these never end well, but at the same time this isn’t just any other friend. This is Seungcheol, and for some reason you can’t pinpoint whether that’s a good or bad thing. 

Seungcheol finishes picking up everything off the floor, handing you your corset as he puts his own clothing on. You untie the strings and clasp the front parts easily, only to struggle with re-tightening the back. With a meek expression, you stand in front of Cheol with your back facing him. 

“Uh, do you think you can tighten the back for me.” your voice sounding small. He smirks at how shy you’ve become after the fact he fucked you shamelessly less than fifteen minutes ago. 

“Of course princess,” he leans in to whisper in your ear. His breath fanning against your neck, causing you to shiver visibly. He lets out a low chuckle before tying up your corset, his fingers gliding agaisnt your skin. The touch is hot but gentle, yet the feeling lingers for a few seconds. You can’t help but gulp, thinking about how just a few moments ago his grip was harsh and possessive. Before you could register what was happening next, he steps away, asking if you want to return to the party. 

“Thank you,” you mumble before taking his hand and leaving Jeonghan’s room. 

It isn’t long before you find the host of the party. He is leaning against the counter, laughing about something with Joshua. The party had dyed down considerably, the only people left were a part of your friend group. You leave Seungcheol’s side to go talk to Jeonghan. 

“Now where have you been?” Jeonghan asks as you walk up to him, his smirk increasing as the blush on your cheeks grow. Your eyes are wide, as if he caught you doing something you shouldn’t. 

“U-um well me and Cheol just hung out in your room for a bit, the party was getting overwhelming.” you mentally curse yourself for stuttering. 

“Uh huh… hanging out. So do I or do I not have to wash my sheets?” Jeonghan presses, smiling deviously at how your mouth opens and then closes. Your eyes are wide with embarrassment, you can feel the heat radiate off your entire face. 

“Jeonghan!” You squeak, before grabbing his arm to pull him aside, leading him away from curious ears. “Ok yes, please wash your sheets. I’m sorry I don't know what happened, one thing just led to the next… and then yeah.”

You admit to your actions, feeling guilty for staining your best friend's sheets. Your eyes are glued to your twiddling thumbs, waiting for his response. Jeonghan laughs, he laughs. A hearty, bent over clutching his stomach type of laugh. 

“Fucking finally, oh my god Y/N. Sorry but it was bound to happen, you should've seen the way he was looking at you tonight. I swear to god if you didn’t fuck him anytime soon he was going to eat you whole.” He giggles, his hand on your shoulder to support himself, as he tries not to double over again. 

“W-what?” You’re confused, you weren’t really sure why Jeonghan said all that, from what you can remember Cheol was acting perfectly normal. 

“You really are so oblivious aren’t you Y/Nie.” He sighs as he pats your head. “I’m just glad you got that out of your system, you haven’t gotten laid in so long.” 

“Hey! You don’t have to say it like that…” you pout, “Hannie, I don’t know what to do now though? Frankly, I’m scared, this is obviously going to change things…” 

“You’ll be fine, trust me. Just talk to him, it’s only Seungcheollie after all.” He comforts you, and it admittedly it does help. You knew if there was anyone you could talk to about this it would be Jeonghan. 

“Ok, I’m going to his place after anyways. Thanks, Hannie. Also please don’t tell Soonyoung and Hao…” You plead. 

“Don’t worry darling, your secret is safe with me.” He smiles softly, pinching your cheek. You give him a hug, thankful you have someone to lean on when you’re feeling distraught. Especially because you can’t get advice about Cheol from Cheol, even if he’s your best friend too. 

“Y/N let’s go home?” Seungcheol interrupts your embrace with Jeonghan. You pull away and his mouth is pressed into a thin line, the possessiveness obvious to anyone but you. Jeonghan playfully kisses your forehead, knowing how much it will piss Seungcheol off. 

“Ok, bye Hannie, I’ll see you on Monday ok?” you wave goodbye as Seungcheol takes your hand in his. 

“Bye Y/N, i’ll speak to you later Seungcheollie. Get home safely you two.” He smirks, eyes connecting with Cheol. His face is hard with an unreadable emotion, he only nods at Jeonghan’s statement before leading you two to the front door. 

You bid your friends farewell as you walk towards the entrance of the house, your eyes drifting over to see the drunken tiger sleeping peacefully on Minghao’s shoulder. You wave goodbye to him as well before you’re engulfed by the chilly fall wind. 

It’s quiet as you continue on the path to his apartment, your footsteps echoing along the pavement. The city lights shine all around you, the moon gleaming in the dark sky. It really is a perfect day for Halloweekend, you think, hearing the cars zip past you along the street. It is nearing 2 a.m., and the streets are not as busy as they were while you were on the way here.  

“You’re not too cold right?” Seungcheol asks awkwardly with his hands in his pocket. 

“A little but it’s only a couple blocks till your place so it’s ok…” you mumble, aware of the stiff atmosphere. He only nods before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, sharing his body heat with you. As you two stride down the pavement, you lean into his touch more. The silence between you two becomes more comfortable, admiring the scenery even more as you’re wrapped in his warmth. 

VII. 

The morning after you lay peacefully asleep on Cheol’s king sized bed. Your breathing steady as Seungcheol observes your soft features. Without even thinking his actions through, he pushes your hair so it’s not in your face. He takes in the way your brows are scrunching, the pout clear on your face even in your sleep. Cute, he thought. 

It was a normal occurrence for you two to sleep in the same bed, platonically. A tradition that carried on from your child sleep overs to adulthood. 

Reminiscing about the events from last night, Seungcheol feels a tug at his heart, he’s confused. Never have you two been that intimate with each other before, and he’s surprised at how much he’s thinking about what happened. The visions of you under him playing over and over again in his brain. This is the first time he has hooked up with someone thats made him think about his actions so intensely. But knowing that its you, out of all people, complicates his feelings even more.Yet he still forces himself to acknowledge the fact that your friendship has changed, but he’s still not sure if it’s good or bad. 

⌗ 𓂃 flash back to seungcheol’s freshman year. 

beep. beep. 

With a heavy heart Seungcheol hangs up the facetime call. You had to go to sleep early, and he only hung up a few minutes ago, but he already misses you. 

The emptiness of his apartment was harrowing. The silence began to amplify, and the lack of noise caused his ears to buzz. The steadiness of his breath was the only sound keeping him grounded in his forlorn reality. 

In his 18 years of life, he has never felt more alone. He was in his first year at University, in a different city full of strangers. Most importantly, he was thousands of miles away from you. You had been with Cheol for the better part of his life, and not having you close was a foreign feeling for him. 

Pulling out his journal, he begins to write every single thought and feeling down, just needing a way to let go of all of his feelings. Telling you up front was scary for him, he didn’t want to burden you with his problem especially since you had many of your own. 

It’s your last year and highschool and when you two were on the phone talking, it was mostly when you were studying for your next test or something along those lines. 

Seungcheol wished that he could tell you everything that he held in his heart but it was just something he couldnt bring himself to do. You seemed so stressed and busy trying to make sure you were able to get into the same university as him, that he just didn’t want to add on to the baggage that you were already carrying. 

The familiar pang in his heart resurfaced once again, it ached in a way he couldn’t really describe. The feeling of being somewhere unfamiliar as well as being around unfamiliar people just made him feel so alone, secluded. It started out with a simple ‘dear y/n’. 

Dear Y/n, 

Today was just like the previous ones. I spent most of my time adjusting to my classes, going over lectures, and like every other day, I still miss you. I actually met someone new today, his name is Jeonghan, and I don't really like him all that much. Although he’s not my favourite person in the world he seems to make me feel less alone. His constant need to pester me about the dumbest things remind me so much of you. He has a childish attitude and I think you two would get along really well. Although in front of him I show distaste for his antics, I'm still thankful that he keeps me company. I wish I could just tell you what’s happening but I want to stay strong. I want to stay strong so that when you get here I can be the one you lean on. I want to be the one that you can talk to when you become overwhelmed with your first year. 

Just because I feel this way right now doesn’t mean that you have to go through the same things as me. I just want you by my side. So hurry up and graduate so i can finally see you in person again. 

Always yours, 

Cheol. 

⌗ 𓂃 end of flashback. 

Before he could wake you up for breakfast, his phone chimes with a notification. He picks up his phone, reading the name only to roll his eyes after, “Yoon Jeonghan”. 

“Had fun last night Cheollie?” Jeonghan chuckles over the line, Seungcheol can already invision the smirk on Han’s lips.

“So much Jeonghan. Why do you ask.” Seungcheol says sarcastically as he gets up to leave the room, not wanting to wake you up from the phone call. 

“Im going to need you to send me $50.” Seungcheol scoffs at this. 

“The fuck? Why?” He presses, pinching the bridge of his nose, he can already feel the headache coming on. 

“Because you and Y/n stained my sheets. Obviously.” Jeonghan says smugly. 

Cheol rolls his eyes once again, he can already envision the look on Jeonghan’s face. He should’ve expected that Y/n told him. He wasn’t mad at her, but he knows that Jeonghan is never going to let this go. He sighs, it was the right thing to do, he literally fucked you on Jeonghan’s bed. 

“Fine fine, just don’t call me again. I hear your voice enough at school as it is.” Seungcheol grumbles, knowing that even though he warns him, Jeonghan will continue to do what he wants. Cheol curses you in his head silently, wondering why a sweet girl like you became friends with the devil’s spawn. 

“So…you gonna finally tell Y/n you’re in love with her?” Jeonghan asks in a non-chalant manner. 

“Jeonghan. I’m not in love with her.” 

“Sure you’re not…but I’m sure you’re pissed as hell knowing Wonwoo was admiring her all night.” Jeonghan teases, causing Seungcheols ears to heat up. He noticed it too, the way Wonwoo’s eyes lingered on you for an abnormal amount of time. Multiple times that night Seungheol had caught him staring . 

“Whatever man, Y/n is my best friend. I want it to stay that way.” Seungcheol huffs before hanging up, the agitation never leaving his body. Agitated at Jeonghan for spitting nonsense and agitated at Wonwoo for looking at you so intensely last night. He doesn’t know why the latter has him so worked up, but he can’t shake the feeling off so easily. 

On the otherside of the door, you stand there, your heart sinking all the way down to your feet. You woke up shortly after Seungcheol went to pick up his call but decided to stay in bed a little longer. Now you’re fully awake, trying to keep your eyes dry after hearing the words that your best friend just uttered. 

It shouldn’t even hurt this much, you think. You know that all you’ll ever be is Seugncheols best friend, but why did it feel like you have just been hit by a ton of bricks? 

Before you could finish your thoughts the door slowly creaks open, so you blink away your unshed tears, coming face to face with your Seungcheol. 

“Oh. Didn’t know you were awake.” Seungcheol’s eyes are wide, he’s wondering if you overheard his call with Jeonghan. 

“Y-yeah I just came from the washroom.” You stutter. A wave of relief washes over Seungcheol. 

Whilst talking to Jeonghan over the phone, it felt like he was trying to convince himself more than anyone that he doesn’t have feelings for you. It was like the words were practically being forced out of his mouth. The guilt was knawing at him, but why? Why should Seungcheol feel guilty for telling the truth? You’re Y/n, his bestfriend Y/n. The Y/n he fucked deep into Jeonghan’s mattress last night… 

“I feel like we should talk about last night…” He says after his train of thoughts. 

Wide eyed and rosy cheeked, you didn’t expect him to bring up the events of last night so early on. The visions of you and Cheol tangled in the sheets of Jeonghan’s bed starting to leak their way back into the forefront of your memory. 

Instead of saying anything more, you just nod. Making your way to his couch, sitting at the corner where the back of the couch and armrest connected. Seungcheol follows suit. He looks serious, lips press into a thin line, eyeing you for some type of indicator that you feel the tension as much as he does. 

“About last night…” you begin, not sure how you want to proceed, but you continue to talk anyways, “Did you enjoy it as much as I did?”

With that question, your heart stops momentarily, preparing for Seungcheol to tell you how much he regretted what happened. 

“I did like it. But I just don’t want this to ruin our friendship Y/n. You’re my best friend.” Seungcheol confesses, you’re nerves put at ease momentarily. He keeps repeating those dreaded words ‘You’re my best friend’. 

With every breath you take its like a stab in the chest. 

“If you regret it that’s ok. We can just leave it in the past, but I just want to be honest with you Cheol…” you gulp, trying to find the right words to express how you feel,

“I’ve never felt that good before, and if there was some way we could arrange something between us. I wouldn’t be opposed.” You finally huff out. Gnawing anxiously at the inside of your cheek, you wait for his response. 

Seungcheol’s heart skips a beat,  he’s quick to agree. “I’m ok with that.” 

“I-Wait? Really? You wanna do this…?” you’re dumbfounded. 

The man of reason himself, is agreeing to a friends with benefits situation. Huh?

Seungcheol is someone who is very aware of how “FWB” tends to ruin friendships, but he can’t resist this opportunity. Especially after last night. 

“I do. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want a round two of what happened at the party… but if we want to do this I feel like there should be some rules.” He concluded. 

VIII. 

“So you are and Seungcheol are fuck buddies now?!” Jeonghan exclaims, you try your best not to slap the incredulous look off his face in the middle of the student union centre. 

“Oh my god why don’t you just tell the whole world while you’re at it,” you seethe, shoving his shoulder lightly as he leans over the table, forcing him to sit back in his chair. His sandwich long forgotten. 

Jeonghan has known the feelings you’ve secretly harboured for Seungcheol for years now. He expected that after what happened at his halloween party you and Seungcheol would finally confess to each other. What he didn’t expect were for the you to do to the exact opposite. I’m surrounded by idiots, he thought to himself.

“You two are the stupidest people alive I swear…” he mutters under his breath. You’re close enough to pick up what he said, giving him a glare from across the table. 

That previous saturday morning you and Seungcheol hashed out the details of you’re enhanced friendship. It was a pretty simple set of rules: 

No strings attached. If one person catches feelings then the agreement is null and void. 

The “relationship” is strictly exclusive. No fucking other people. 

No one is to know about this. Exception: Jeonghan. 

There wasn’t really a point hiding anything from Jeonghan, even if Seungcheol was against him knowing, he knew that Jeonghan would find out one way or another. 

“We’ve been friends for so long Hannie, this is just an added bonus.” You tell him, although a small part of you knows you’re convincing yourself more than anyone.

“Good afternoon to you all.” A cheerful voice interrupts your conversation. Soonyoung walks towards your table with a cheeky smile on his face. Minghao trails behind him, looking exhausted. 

“Ah so the tiger finally is out of his den huh?” Jeonghan chuckles, referring to Hoshi’s weekend long recovery after the halloween party. The three of them took time out of their saturday nursing Hoshi back to health. 

“Well what can I say? You can’t keep me tame for long.” He practically growls. Minghao side-eyes him, the look of disgust and worry painted all over his face. 

“...Ok! So what were you two whispering about?” Minghao asks, wanting to stray as far away from the tiger discourse as fast as possible. 

“It wasn’t anything important. Well would you look at the time! Jeonghan we gotta go or we’ll be late to our class.” You try to avoid the conversation, the guilt start to boil in your stomach. 

Of course you wanted let Minghao and Soonyoung know what’s going on, but it’s just not a good idea. Especially after having a mutual agreement with Seungcheol not to tell anyone, other than Jeonghan. The more people know, the more blown out of proportion things could get. 

“Well thats my queue, see you two love birds later!” Jeonghan waves at the two frenemies, knowing it would piss Hao off. 

“Hey! Yoon Jeonghan come back here!” You can hear Minghao yelling from across the room as you tug Jeonghan along. The only thing he does is throw his head back laughing, while Soonyoung looks around cluelessly. 

IX. 

“So what should our research proposal be?” Wonwoo asks, looking at you for ideas. 

After entering class the professor allowed time for partners to start brainstorming for the midterm project. With everything that has happened during the weekend you hardly had time to think about school again. You actively recall the events in your head, thinking about the way Seungcheol towered over you. The thought of it all causing your cheeks to heat. 

“Y/n? You still there?” Wonwoo calls out for you, waving his hand in front of your face. 

Your eyes go wide, and you shake your head slightly, waking up from your self induced trance. Wonwoo on the other hand looked confused. 

“Yeah I was just thinking about something.” you mumble, your cheeks blushing even further. The fact that you were thinking about fucking Seungcheol while you were trying to work on a project made you feel bad for Wonwoo. Clearly you weren’t focused on the task at hand, which was more important than your mid-day fantasies. 

“Oh ok. Anyways what do you think about doing child development and growing up with pets?” Wonwoo looks for your reaction, trying to gage whether you thought it was a good idea or not. 

Internally, Wonwoo became curious on what has taken up half of your attention. He finds you interesting to say the least, and pretty. He doesn’t know why it took him so long to realize how fun you are to be around, but a part of him wants to get to know you more. The other part conflicted, knowing that all your friends believe that you and Seungcheol are meant to be. Yet he can’t help but wonder if he could be the one to make you fall instead of Cheol. 

“That actually sounds really interesting! I'm down to do that.” You smile at him, thankful he’s a good partner, and not someone who just makes you do all the work. 

“Perfect. Honestly I’m glad I have you as a partner Y/n. You’re a lot better than the ones I’ve had in the past.” He confesses, putting a hand on your shoulder, his warm smile causing you to blush hard. 

You glance over at his hand, before looking up at him once more. Wonwoo is an attractive man, you can admit that much. The time you spend with him is enjoyable to say the least, but to you he’s like any other guy friend you have. Seungcheol being the one exception, who has been on your mind since you’ve met him. A man who’s been able to woo you since you were kids, in the most silent and gentle ways too. 

You leave your train of thought to answer Wonwoo once more. 

“Y-yeah same! We’ve had the same friends but for some reason we were never that close. Maybe we can change that.” You return his friendly affection. At least that’s what it seems like to you, friendly affection. 

“I’d like that a lot actually. I'm sure you’d be better company than the boys, or at least cleaner.” He laughs. You laugh along with him, not really thinking much of his words. 

…

Seungcheol was annoyed, he watches the way you and Wonwoo are laughing together. The blood in his veins already starting to curdle and boil. Who does Wonwoo think he is? His habit of wanting to be around you at all times kicks in once more. 

Cheol is aware of his possessive tendencies, but he doesn’t ever admit about them out loud. It wouldn’t be fair to speak on your actions when you aren’t dating him romantically. Although he convinces himself he’s only your best friend, he can’t help but refuse to push aside his jealousy of seeing Wonwoo spend time with you when it should be him instead. 

“You know Wonwoo isn’t going to spontaneously combust the longer you look at him. You’re going to have to try a different tactic.” Jeonghan mutters beside him, trying not to laugh at Seungcheol. 

“I dont know what you’re talking about.” Seungcheol crosses his arms, pouting, looking like a cranky child who didn’t get his way. He knows Jeonghan is right but he can’t help but try to blow up the whole lecture hall in his mind. 

“Oh please, cut the act Cheollie. We both know you’re jealous of them. Wonwoo isn’t even doing anything and Y/n seems to already be falling for his charms.”

“Jeonghan whatever you have planned I don’t want to be apart of it.” Seungcheol quips, but he can still see the mischievous grin begin to form on Jeonghan’s face within his peripheral vision. 

“What plan?” Jeonghan gasps, putting his hand over his chest, feigning an insulted expression. Trying to keep up the act, as if  Cheol didn’t have him all figured out. 

…

“Thanks for today Wonwoo!” You beam at him, sitting up from your desk to collect your things. He smiles back at you, the crescent shape of his eyes emphasizing. 

“Maybe next time we can go to a cafe for our next study session?” He suggests, looking at you for a sign of approval. 

“Yeah that sounds like fun actually!” You agreed, feeling happy that you’re partner is actually wanting to put in the work for once. “Anyways, I gotta go meet up with Cheol, see you soon!” 

“See you Y/n.” He smiles at you politely, like always, and you find it quite endearing. 

You wave him one last goodbye before finishing up packing your things, and putting your laptop in your bag. 

“Y/nie!” Jeonghan calls out for you, standing by the door with Seungcheol.

You turn around and spot them, waving at them with excitement. Focusing more on your best friend than the person who called your name. His blond hair flowed, the tight polo shirt hugging his large biceps. You drooled inwardly, trying not to get caught practically eye-fucking him. 

He catches you staring at him, smirking at you as you continue to get closer. Pulling you in by the waist he hugs you. This caught you off guard, Cheol was never one for affection in public. Even as friends, it’s always been within privacy, unless there was some type of special occasion. 

“Always wearing a tight little skirt for me aren’t you princess?” He whispers in your ear, causing you to blush. 

 Oh. His voice is low enough that you’re the only one that can hear him. So this is why he hugged you? Because of the outfit you have on? You really hadn’t thought much of it, the skirt didn’t seem short in your own opinion, but you became flustered knowing it was turning him on. 

“Y/n and I gotta do something, see you later Jeonghan.” Seungcheol dismisses him quickly, tugging you past the lecture doors without another word. 

You begin to follow him down the long corridors of your University, pushing past crowds of people as they all herd towards their next class. The opposition of the two of you moving in the other direction causing you to bump into each person you pass. A string of ‘‘excuse me’s’’ and “sorry’s” leaving your lips. The handsome and strong man pulling you by your waist doesn’t care who he bumps into, his mind only on one thing and one thing only. 

It happens all within a blink of an eye, and before you can become fully aware of what’s going on, you find yourself in an empty classroom. The door locks with a click behind you. 

“Did you enjoy your study session with Wonwoo?” Seungcheol inquires out of nowhere, feigning nonchalance. Just saying his name is starting to piss him off. Yes he sees Wonwoo as a friend, but he wants you to only see Wonwoo that way too. 

“It was normal…why?” you’re suspicious. Since when did he care about the fact that you’re partners with Wonwoo? You wonder to yourself, but he continues to try and close the distance between you two. 

“I could see the way he was looking at you, even though I was across the room.” He huffs, like a spoiled child who was told to share. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Cheol.” you sighed. “Sounds like you’re jealous.” 

Your heart skips a beat as you utter those words. If Seungcheol is jealous of Wonwoo what does that mean for the two of you? Does he wants you more than as someone to press into his mattress each night? You pondered it for a moment, but you’re highly doubtful of that being the case. It just can’t be, Seungcheol grew up as an only child, he probably just doesn’t like to share, you try to justify. 

“Jealous? Baby of course I’m jealous. I don’t like to share.” He scoffs, fuck not voicing out my jealousy, he thinks. It’s like you were reading his mind.  

He begins striding his way over to you till your back is pressed against the desk behind you. 

“It’s not like we were going to hook up, he’s my partner?” It was your turn to scoff at him, trying to ignore your pulse quickening as his face inches closer to yours. 

Seugncheol looks down at your lips, admiring how your teeth graze against them as you bite down. He likes that he has an effect on you, especially with knowing that he’s the only one who gets to see you like this. Just thinking about being the only one making you come causes the blood to flow down straight to his already hardening member. 

Placing his large hands on your hips, he tugs you closer to him. A gasp leaves your lips as you feel his hard on against your thigh. Your eyes staring up at him, admiring how he is towering over you, the stern look on his face causing warmth to pool at your core. You’ve always loved how much larger he is compared to you, his shoulders and arms enclosing you completely. 

“That better be all he is to you angel, this pussy is mine.” He mutters against your neck, trailing kisses on your delicate skin. As your eyes roll back, you whimper, relishing in the feeling of his lips and the tightness of his grip on your waist. 

He pulls you on to the desk, causing you to sit, your legs spread wide enough for him to slip in between. Caressing your exposed thighs, he can’t help but let out a groan as he feels the softness of your skin. Everything about you and your body made his head dizzy with lust, especially when you look at him so innocently with anticipation. You’re alway so eager for his next move. 

“I love how wet this pussy gets for me. Barely touched you and you’re already soaked” He mumbles, grazing a finger ahaisnt your underwear clad wetness. The feeling of his fingers make your knees weak, and he hasn’t even put them inside you. He continues to move his fingers against you while kissing you tenderly. After what happened at Jeonghan’s, Seugncheol has been dying to get his hands on you again, savouring the taste of your lips even more. 

The smack of your lips moving against his fill the quiet classroom. It was so eerily silent through out the room that you become paranoid that someone might catch you two. Knowing how much your reputation matters for your scholarship, you wonder what the reparations would be caught having sex in public. 

“Hmm Cheol.” You whine, but your legs spread further instead of shutting closed. “We’re at school, we can’t be doing this.” 

Your brain is fogged by his touch even as you try to think rationally. With every kiss and every stroke of his finger, your mind begins to slip into a state of pleasure. The outside world becoming a muted background as Seungcheol is pulled further into the forefront of your mind. 

“But look at you all needy. Would you rather I just leave you like this?” He practically purred into your ear, licking up the side of your neck as he sucks behind your ear. The hotness of his breath and the heat of his kisses makes you give in to him completely. 

Fuck it felt so dirty being here, but you can’t bring yourself to ask him to stop. 

“This pussy needs tending to doesn’t it baby?” He chides, his tone of voice causing to whine against him once more. You decide to let your morals go for just one moment, spreading your legs further, giving him full access to where you needed him most. 

Instead of staying anything more, he takes the opportunity to press his lips against yours once again. The urgency of the kiss causing you to moan against his mouth, feeling the way his tongue pushes past your lips, caressing your mouth with passion and vigour. 

His hand snaking their way down to your skirt, pulling off your lace underwear without any hesitation. You lift your hips to ease their removal, excited to feel his fingers fill you.

 As he pushes a finger in, you gasp into his mouth, the squelch of your wetness echoes within the walls of the classroom. His finger pumps your hot pussy, your core clenching and unclenching with each thrust of his hand. Seungcheol continues to add more fingers until he’s able to fit up to three comfortably. Your moans never ceasing for a single moment, the euphoria of his long digits massaging your soft spot causes your eyes to roll to the back of your head. 

“Want you.” You somehow were able to voice out, begging him for his length to fill you instead. 

“Be clear with your words princess. I’m already giving myself to you.” He plays dumb, continues you finger you as his thumb circles your clit. 

“I want you inside me please.” You let out another moan, the stimulation of him pumping his fingers into you, while rubbing your sensitive bud has your mind going blank. 

“I am inside you love.” He chuckles, enjoying you beg for him. His member straining against his jeans. Seungheol could continue this for hours, but he knows the moment you ask, he’ll be fucking you with his hard length instead. 

“Want your cock please Choelie” You whine louder, your hands making their way to unbuckle his belt. 

“Good girl, thats what I wanted to hear.” He mutters against your neck, finally moving his hands away from your body to remove his jeans. 

The absence of his fingers make you whine, but you’re quickly silenced by the feeling of his thick length pushing past your wet pussy lips. It makes you gasp and lean black slightly, your arms locked at the elbow as you try to support yourself. 

“S-so good.” You’re words practically imcomprehensable as Seugncheol pumps himself inside and out of you. His length leaving your warmth only to push back into you fully once more. Over and over till a creamy ring appears at the base of his cock. 

“Who’s pussy is this princess?” He asks you, his hand making its way to your neck, holding onto you tight, but only enough to make your head go fuzzy. 

“Mmph Yours!” You sputter, only able to think about the way his hardness is caressing against that one spot against you. He hits it once more and before you know it you’re coming all over his length. 

“Fuck you’re so tight angel.” He praises you, snapping his hips till he’s filling you with his hot white seed. 

“Ah Cheol.” You call out slaciously, your head falling against his shoulder, tired from how hard he fucked you. 

“You’re always so good for me aren’t you?” He kisses your cheek as he takes a tissue from your bag to clean you up. 

Too tired to respond you let him take care of you, it causes your pulse to beat against your veins hard. Hiding your face in his chest, he helps you get dressed after your classroom quickie. 

You jump off the desk, his hand wrapping around you to ensure you don’t fall. Knees wobbling slightly you hold onto him for support. One thing you can’t seem to get over is how caring he is after he’s pumped you full of his come. In a fucked up way it makes you fall for him further. 

“You ok to walk?” he cautioned, not wanting you to fall to the ground. You only nod and simply wrap a hand around his bicep, stablizing you. 

“I’m fine, but can we go home now?” You murmur, placing a kiss on his cheek as an unspoken thank you. 

“Of course.” 

X. 

After getting home from school and Seungcheol’s place, you decide to give Jeonghan a call. You didn’t know how to feel about what happened today, especially after Seugncheol had expressed his jealousy for Wonwoo. Maybe it really isn’t that deep, but the fact he acted so possessive made your stomach flutter, but also confused you even more. 

Jeonghan is the only person who knows what’s been happening, so you turn to him in your time of need. What you didn’t expect was from him to yell into your ear instead. 

“Why are you fucking in a classroom, are you insane?!” Jeonghan yells at you through the speaker of his phone. Your cheeks turning a bright pink at his words. 

“Ok I know it was a bad idea, but its fine we didn’t get caught!” you try to justify your actions, but you agree it is pretty insane to fuck in a classrom, especailly during school hours. It was like you were possessed in the heat of the moment, nothing could’ve stopped you from letting Cheol fuck you. 

“Y/n you can’t just be making bad decisonms because you’re ‘H’ word!” He scolds you, sounding like your mother for a second. You can’t help but giggle at the fact that he hates saying the word horny. Jeonghan once telling you someone like him should never say such an ugly word. 

You roll your eyes even though he can’t even see you. You’re phonecall with him quickly turning into a lecture because of how hard he’s scolding you right now. 

“Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me young lady.” He warns you, causing you to jump and look around your room. You know hes not here but somehow you’re spooked. 

“You can’t even see me so how would you know?” You bite back defensively even though you know hes right. 

“Becaue I know you! Oh my Y/nie one day this whole situation is going to bite you in the ass. You and Cheol should jsut be responsible adults and confess already.” He groans, he isn’t even the one in this predicament and yet hes the frustrated one. 

“Ok Han, you were literally on call with him the morning after your party. You heard him! He only sees me as a friend.” You counter, not wanting to have to remind yourself that your best friend doesn’t like you back. 

“Oh please Y/nie, we both know he was lying out of his ass.” 

“How would you know? He sounded pretty confident to me.” You mutter, absentmindedly playing with the drawstring on your shorts. The scene continues to replay in your head, he obviously doesn’t like me, you think. You can still recall the way your heart stopped beating for a millisecond as you heard him utter those words. 

“You two are impossible.” Jeonghan sighs, thinking hard. And with that, it was like a lightbulb went off in his head, with a large ding and everything. “Y/nie don’t hate me but I have an idea.” 

“Huh? What is it?” 

“What if you try and make him jealous.” He chuckles, it’s soft but there was an evil sound to it all.  

“Jeonghan whatever idea you have brewing in the scheming head of yours, I dont want to hear it.” You warn him, already not liking where this is going. The thought of seeing Seugncheol jealous is intriguing indeed, but what happens if you realize you don’t even have that effect on him? It would be so embarrassing. 

“You’ll never know what could happen unless you try!” He concludes in a sing-song tone, you can already invision the menacing look on his face. 

“Hannie it’s so highschool, I don’t think it’d be smart to do something like that.” 

“Ok but you’ll fuck him on campus grounds?” He rebuttals, shutting you up quickly. 

“I-” You couldn’t even defend yourself. 

“Night Y/nie! See you tomorrow.” The line goes dead, and you curse out at your blank phone screen. Leave it up to Yoon Jeonghan to put bad ideas into your head. 

XI.

The next day you sit with Wonwoo in a coffee shop that is only a few minutes away from campus.The city had gotten more chilly with each day that passed, and the cafe was a perfect meeting place to do your project. The warm atmosphere enveloped yout two into a perfect working rhythm. Your partnership with Wonwoo was a lot better than the previous ones you’ve had for classes, you agree to spend the majority of your time going over what to add to the presentation, as well as how it should be presented. Hours felt like minutes, and you two ended up finished earlier than you had anticipated. 

“I’m so surprised how quickly we got through everything! We even finished everything early,” you rejoiced, happy that Wonwoo is such a productive partner. 

“Honestly we make a really good team.” Wonwoo compliments you, giving you that same polite smile. You end up blushing, his eyes staring at you with so much kindness. 

“I agree, hopefully we get paired up more for the rest of the semester.” You giggle, shying away from his gaze. 

As you spent more time with Wonwoo, you realized how nice it was to be around him. He makes a good friend, and he’s definitely a lot more than just the quiet guy in the group. His personality more complex than what you had previously assumed, and it makes you wonder why you two weren’t really all that close in the first place. The two of you have the same friends, take the same classes, and enjoy the same things. So what was the one thing blocking you two from becoming closer? 

“Well that’s all for today. I can walk you home.” He clears up his things, ready to leave the serene environment of the cafe, throwing away his cup along with yours. 

“Oh no you don’t have to! Cheol is actually going to pick me up!” You tell him, seeing his black BMW sitting idle in front of the cafe already. 

“Sounds good. Let me walk you out at least.” He gestures to the door, allowing you to walk in front of him. He follows you suit till you’re in front of Seungcheol’s car. “It was fun, I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time?” 

“Yeah sure! I’ll be free.” You beam up at him, his frame towering over yours. 

The wind is blowing slightly, causing your hair to get in your face, whipping at your eyes. Wonwoo is quick to react, taking the strand and placing it softly behind your ear. The heat begins to crawl up your neck fast, making you realize how close you two are standing together. 

Wonwoo leans in a touch more to place a soft kiss on your cheek, and the blush on your face is definitely evident now. Before you can say more, hes walking away with one last good bye. Leaving you there standing with a shocked expression painted all over your face. Quickly you shake your head of what just happened before heading into Seungcheol’s car. 

“Were you two on a date?” His voice is stern, obviously pissed off at what he just witnessed. 

“...No just working on our project.” you say with a dazed look, watching Wonwoo's figure get smaller the farther he walks away. 

“Ok…but he kissed you on the cheek? I thought he was just your partner.” Cheol presses for answers, he really wasn’t impressed of having to witness such an intimate moment between you and Wonwoo. His blood curdling as the grip on his steering wheel tightens. The flesh on his knuckles turning a ghostly white.

“He is just my partner, I really don’t know why he did that.” You mutter as you try to recall all of the events that could’ve led up to this moment. It didn’t make sense to you, did Wonwoo have a crush on you or something? He’s never made any advances towards you before. So what changed that? 

“He obviously likes you. Do you like him back?” Seungcheol is too jealous for his own good. His pulse reaching new heights with how fast the blood was pumping through his veins. You can’t like Wonwoo, there’s just no way. Right?

“Well no. I see Wonwoo as a friend.” you admit, and the relief sped its way through Seungcheol’s body.

Although another side of him is wondering why it made him so angry to see Wonwoo act so flirtatious with you. He concludes that he just donesn’t like it when peoples are touching what’s his. Wonwoo’s his friend and you and Cheol are intimate with each other, it would just be weird for Wonwoo to try something with you too, at least that’s what Seungcheol says to himself as he tries to calm himself down. You’re his best friend, nothing more, he keeps repeating it in his head. And if you decide to break off the arrangement with him to date Wonwoo, then he can’t complain. 

“Oh. I see.” He mumbles as he starts the car again, taking the route to bring you back to your apartment. 

…

You and Seungcheol sit against your sofa watching a yet another ghibli movie. This time it is Kiki’s Delivery Service. Cuddled up in your blankets, your Friday movie marathon happening like clockwork at this point. Nothing can make you feel more content than feeling Seungcheol’s heartbeat as you watch your favourite movies with him. 

His breathing is steady as his arm holds you close to him, his attention focused on the moving flashing across your tv. On the other hand, you continue to stare at him, his strong brows and nose bridge has always been your favourite feature of his. You love how manly he appears, but you know on the inside he like a big ball of fluff, so warm and inviting. He just smelt like home, even though your real home is miles away, he’s a piece that you can carry around with you anywhere you go. 

As the movie continues to play in the background your attention is forced away from admiring your best friend and brought towards your phone. It lights up with a text notification from Wonwoo. 

Wonwoo: Hey Y/n. I know this is sudden but I’d really like to take you out sometime. Would that be ok with you? 

Your eyes practically pop out of their sockets as you read the text over and over again. It kind of makes sense that he’s asking you, especially with how he acted today. But what does this mean for the situation between you and Seungcheol? You decide to respond anyways, not wanting to flat out reject him over text. 

Y/n: uhhmm i’m not sure, can i have time to think about it? :) 

Wonwoo: Sure. Take your time. 

Beside you, Seungcheol sits with an arm wrapped around your shoulder. He knows he shouldn’t look at your texts but he can’t help himself. The moment he decides to, he begins to curse himself mentally, reading the text over and over again just like you. It pisses him off, seeing how forward Wonwoo is about his feelings towards you. 

He ultimately decides not to say anything the moment you reply to Wonwoo’s text, why did you even need to think about it? Shouldn’t you have said no if you don’t have feelings for Wonwoo?  His heart falling all the way down to the pit of his stomach. The familiar feeling of the tug on his heart coming back to haunt him once again. Instead of asking you, he decides to call in early for tonight.

“Hey angel I think i’m gonna head home early tonight.” He whispers to you, stroking the back of your head softly. The stinging behind his eyes doesn’t leave, he just can’t seem to get rid of it.  He looks at you with such tenderness, from an outside perspective someone would mistake his stare for utter and complete love. 

You look up from your phone, locking it before looking at him with a worried frown strewn across your lips. 

“Is everything ok? You’re not sick right?” you ask, placing a hand against his forehead to check his temperature. He shakes his head, taking your hand and placing it in his. His long fingers wrapping around yours, squeezing them reassuringly. 

“No no, i’m fine. Just gotta wake up early tomorrow.” He attempts to give you a convincing smile. You don’t know why the mood has changed all of a sudden but you begin to worry even more. 

“Cheolie is something wrong?” You press the issue, not wanting for him to leave just yet. 

“No nothing’s wrong. Trust me I’m ok.” He insists before getting up to to grab his jacket and leave. And just like the seasons passing through the city, he left with a swiftness you couldn’t seem to comprehend. The hurriedness of his movements leaving you dazed and confused.

The guilty pit at your stomach only seemed to grow the longer the silence filled your tiny apartment. Seungcheol’s once warm presence left a dent on the cushions beside you and a cold cup of tea on the coffee table. You frown at the now empty living space, as well as the empty hole in your heart, which can only be filled by the man who left without another word. 

XII. 

The snow began to fall in your city. It came unexpectedly, and left just the same. This winter being colder than most, you started to feel the seasonal depression coming on a lot faster than usual. 

Seungcheol left so abruptly that day, and with the midterm project you weren’t able to reach out to him since then. It felt weird because this is the first time in a long time you’ve gone without talking to him. The week dragging along as you head into midterm break, trying to think of what to say to him the moment you’re able to talk to him again. 

For some reason, ever since that night you have had a weird feeling in your stomach. Call it intuition but it felt like Seungcheol was avoiding you. Even though you weren’t able to reach out to him, he also didn’t try to do so either. The predicament you find yourself in causing your thought to stray as you study for the second round of midterm exams. 

You would see him often, in class, or eating with friends, but strangely enough he was gone before you could muck up the courage to approach him. The two of you stuck in an odd limbo that feels like it won’t end. 

During this time in previous years, it would be you and Seungcheol studying together in the library, but with your current situation you knew it wasn’t going to happen. So instead you sit with Jeonghan and Minghao, figuring out how to cram as much information as you can for the statistics final. 

“Y/n? You keep gazing out the window, is everything ok?” Minghao’s voice cuts off your thoughts. His eyesbrown knotted together in worry. 

“Huh? Oh yeah…everything’s ok.” You mumble, your eyes still looking out the window. The campus now coevered in a layer of snow, students walking around, bundled up in winter coats.

“You sure? You’ve been staring out there for almost fifteen minutes now.” He checks on you again. You can only muster up a sound of approval. 

Thankfully Minghao isn’t one to push to get an answer so he leaves it there. The sudden urge to pee overcomes you, causing you to walk over to the libraries bathroom. But before you could reach it, two people walk into the library, causing you to do a double take. 

The last person you expected to walk in is heading towards an empty table. Your heart beat stuck in your throat, the urge to use the bathroom is long gone. As you watch Seungcheol sit down with a girl, you feel the tears start to well. You were so confused as to why he has time to ask this random ass person to study with him, when he could’ve sent you a text instead. It made no sense to you, and with that, you leave the library without another thought. 

The tears falling down your cheeks with every step you took. Seeing him with another girl pulled hard at your heart strings, unsurfacing a feeling you thought you got rid of long ago. You continue to walk with your head down, just trying to think of a private space to let out your emotions. But before you could do so, you bump into something hard, which turns out to be a man’s chest. Looking up you realize it’s Wonwoo’s chest. 

“Y/n? You ok? Why are you crying?” Wonwoo speaks so fast, the worry spilling out of his mouth in words. His hand flying up to your face, wiping any tears that fall before they could roll down any further. 

“I-I don’t even know why i’m crying. This is so stupid my god, i’m sorry you have to see me this way,” you’re hicupping through your words. You begin to sob, and you feel wonwoo’s strong arms wrap around you, pulling you close. Giving you the comfort that you would usually receive from Seungcheol. 

Wonwoo’s large frame squeezes you in, giving you that secluded space that you were once searching for. 

Behind you is the frame of a man who is your usual safe space, your usual secluded corner. The one to help you deafen out the world from its ugliness and anger. He stands there watching you trade his comfort for Wonwoo’s. He’s never known what it’s like to be on the outside perspective and witness your hurt in this way. In the arms of another. With every moment passes as he watches Wonwoo comfort you instead, he feels his whole world crumble and fall at his feet. 

XIII.

⌗ 𓂃 flash back to seungcheol’s freshman year. 

“You talk a lot about this y/n person. Is she your girlfriend by chance?” Jeonghan asks Seungcheol. 

“No dumbass she’s my childhood bestfriend. I’ve known her for a long time.” Seungcheol tries to clarify his relationship with you, not wanting others to mistake you two for something more. 

“I dont know man, you only ever talk about Y/n.” Jeonghan shrugs before going back to his paper. 

Seungcheol thinks about Jeonghan’s words, ‘why is she always popping up in my conversations?’, he wondered to himself. He can’t help the fact that he talks about you so much, you’re all he knows after all. The only one to experience anything and everything with him. He can’t help but want everyone to know what an amazing person you are, and the fact thatt everything around him somehow reminds him of you. It was like an empidemic. You conquered all corners of his brain, always with him, but far enough for him to miss you all at the same time. 

“You know, it’s not a bad thing if you have feelings for her. She seems like a great girl.” Jeonghan pipes up after realizing how little work Seungcheol gotten done due to his rampant thoughts. 

“Yeah I guess if i did, it wouldn’t be a bad thing.” He mutters, attempting to focus on his work once again.

⌗ 𓂃 end of  flash back. 

XIV. 

For the majority of midterm break, you spent it cooped up within the confines of your room. Wrapping yourself in enough blankets to put a bear into hibernation. You’ve gone back and forth with your own thoughts. Calling yourself dramatic for crying over pretty much nothing, to crying again because you can’t just invalidate the pain you felt when you saw him with someone else, and you don’t even know what she is to him. Long story short, the over thinking is getting to you, but calling him up is the last thing you’re about to do. 

Although you’ve never really fully admitted or denied it, you know you’re love for Seungcheol goes beyond friendship. You’ve known for so long, and kept it to yourself for so long, and yet you’ve never known whether he felt the same way. His actions always contradicting his words. 

The cliché trope of the pain of falling for your best friend is as old as the bible. The story of the unrequited love you convince yourself you’ll never have reciprocated, and yet at the end of every story everything works out, the two friends turned lovers. The end. But what about you? What about the fact that this isn’t some story and you won’t be able to get ahold of your own cliché best friends to lovers ending. 

Before you could spiral even further a notification dings, your phone screen lighting up. 

Cheolie <3: im outside. 

Seeing the text makes your heart drop, but you can’t seem to stop yourself from climbing out of bed and opening the door to let him in. As you did so, you take a good look at his state. In fairness, he looked just as shitty as you did, if not worse. 

The eyebags accenuating how tired he looks, his cheeks slightly sunken in. Probably from lack of sleep, and not to mention the way his hair seems to stick up sporadically, you know immediately it’s because he keeps running his hands through it. 

“What are you doing here?” You cut to the chase, your heart already pounding out of your chest. 

“I-um. I’m not sure actually.” Seungcheol admits, his head falling as he stares at his feet nervously. You sigh, opening the door wider to let him through. 

He looks lost and not like his usual self, which makes you feel even worse, but what could you even do to help him? You two weren’t even mad, or had a fight, everything is just weird. So vague and hard to explain. All you knew is that you’re hurt and he’s at the root of it all. 

“I don’t have all day, Seungcheol.” You call him by his first name, and you can see how it pains him. The way his frown deepens with each moment you two stand there in the foyer, not exchanging the words you’re meant to say. 

“I’m sorry, I know we haven’t spoken in awhile and I just- fuck I dont even know man. I saw that text with Wonwoo and I just freaked out.” He puffs out, running his hand through his hair once more. 

“So thats why you’ve been acting weird? Because of Wonwoo?” The look on your face is unreliable and Seungcheol feels the knot in his throat begin to form. Your hand come to cross in front of your chest and you scoff. “Just because Wonwoo shows interest in me doens’t mean I have feelings for him.” 

“What? But you didn’t reject him?” He presses on the situation even further. 

“I just didn’t want to be an asshole and do it over text.” 

“Yeah right, I saw you two cuddled up last week!” He dejects, his arms flying around as he speaks. He doesn’t know why you decided right now is a good time to lie to him, but he knows what he saw that day. 

“As if you werent spending time with some girl instead of communicating to me what’s wrong in the first place? You’re unbelievable. I can’t read your mind Seungcheol, and why do you even care about what happens between me and Wonwoo? We’re just friends remember? Or do you only say that when you’re on the phone with Jeonghan?” You spat, the words on your tongue coming out as fireballs of hurt. Every single one hitting him right in the chest. 

“We are best friends. I can’t explain why I was so worked up, but if you were going to start dating him, you should’ve broken off what we had first.” Seungcheol attempts to defend himself, spewing out whatever he can to justify his acts of stupidity. He knows himself that what he’s saying wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell you how in love he is with you. 

“Ok so because of that, you just get to do whatever the fuck you want then huh? The rules just don’t apply to Choi Seungcheol do they? It doens’t matter if I get hurt in the process of it all.” You sneer, the cold look on your face never faltering. 

“No Y/n, I know we made rules but you broke them first. I just copied your actions.” He replies, it makes you mad that he lashed out because of a misunderstanding. You feel fed up, too tired to talk to him or argue further. The tears already threatening to spill the more you look at him. 

You and Seungcheol never fought, you can’t even remember the last time it happened. It was probably when you two were still kids, fighting over something silly and not talking for an hour, only to make up the same day. This fight is different though, so many things said out of anger, you knew it wouldn’t just be forgotten the next day. 

“I really can’t stand you right now.” You say as a lone tear slips out, the salitness of it hitting your lips. 

“Then sit.” He bites back, his facade almost cracking as he sees your tearful expression. 

“Fuck you. Go home Seungcheol.” You walk to the door, opening it enough to allow him to exit your home. He doesn’t protest, his anger and sadness bubbling up faster with each second that passes. He’s smart enough to not let his temper overcome him completely. 

As the door closes on him, you let out an agonizing cry. Your sobs raking through your body as if the whole earth had crashed ontop of you. The echo of your cries filling the room, mocking you, reminding you of your loneliness. 

XV.

Seungcheol hasn’t been feeling well since the argument that went down a few days ago, but he can’t bring himself to contact you again. The anger and sadness he felt quickly dissipated into nothing but shame. He knows it’s his fault. Its his fault that he didn’t communicate with you properly, and the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to tell you he loves you. He doesn’t even know who he was trying to convince, but that argument with you made him realized so much about himself, you, and the friendship you two have. 

The constant sleepless nights were starting to catch up with him, the bags under his eyes more prominent than they were the last night he saw you. 

There are times he catches glimpses of you on campus and it pulls on his heartstrings, especailly because half the times he seen you, you’ve been with Wonwoo. It pains Seungcheol to know that you’ve been hanging out with him since the fight had gone down, but he has no right to stop you. After everything, he should be understand to let you do what you want freely. 

“Well don’t you look like shit.” Jeonghan interupts his train of thought, sitting beside him in the library. He takes out his notes and laptop, ready to work on their project for theri psychology class. 

“Wow thanks, I didn’t know.” Seungcheol grumbled, hating how cheerful Jeonghan looks in comparaison to his own gloomy expression. 

He takes out his tablet, pulling up their project. As much as he wants to ponder about you some more, he knows that he should probably focus on the rest of the project they need to complete. But everytime he tries to focus on anything other than you he ends up failing. 

“So what happened to you?” Jeonghan asks. He can tell something is wrong, both Seungcheol and Y/n have been looking so down in the dumps lately, and Y/n is flat out ignoring him, Soonyoung and Minghao. 

Seungcheol can’t even hold it in anymore, if there's anyone he can talk to about what happened, he knows it's Jeonghan. Despite their quarrelling, he finds Jeonghan to be a trustworthy person. 

Before he can even speak, he recalls your face, the tears that were about to spill, and the way your voice sounded when you two were fighting. He doesn't even recognize either of you from that day, it was just so out of character for the two of you to fight like that. And the only thing he can do is blame himself for everything that happened. 

Seungcheol feels his throat constrict, and his eyes start to sting. He hates that feeling, the feeling of crying and being vulnerable. In all four years of knowing Jeonghan he never thought he’d be crying in front of him. But once he asked that question it was like everything came crashing down upon him once more. All the memories of you, especially the ones from your fight make his heart ache so bad he has to clutch his chest. 

“Uh.. Y/n and I, we fought. It was a huge fight and it was really bad. I don’t know what to do and i’m so scared Han. I-I think I love her.” He confesses to Jeonghan, as the tears begin to slip down his cheeks. 

As he explains what happened that night, Jeonghan can’t help but feel sad with him. The way Seungcheol speaks about the events leading up to the fight and the fight itself makes his heart ache for the two of you. He also can’t help but mentally scold you two. He knew from the moment that Seungcheol and Y/n  decided to partake in becoming friends with benefits, that it would just blow up in flames in the end. They love each other too much to say what's really on their mind. So afraid to ruin their friendship that choosing to become friends with benefits did that for them instead. 

“Then let her know how you feel.. God Seungcheol, I’ve been telling this to the two of you for years now. You need to tell her, before it's too late.” Jeonghan is practically begging him, pulling Seungcheol into a much needed hug. 

…

You sit there, Wonwoo sitting beside you at the same cafe you two have been going to for the past week now. He always does the same thing, ordering your matcha latte and keep you company while you re-think your fight with Seungcheol. He can see that you’re hurting but he doesn’t ever overstep any boundaries you’ve set up. Instead he just sits there, waiting for you when you’re ready to talk to him. 

You called him after your fight with Seungcheol, not knowing who else to turn to. You know that Jeonghan would’ve been available but you weren’t ready for the lecture that he would’ve given you. Calling Wonwoo that one night turned into every night, and every night turned into daily trips to the cafe. He sits there, keeps you company, you thank him and he goes home. As much as he likes you, he realizes that you’re deeply in love with your best friend, even though you won’t directly tell him. 

Wonwoo knew something happened between you and Seungcheol, especially because of how red your eyes were that night you called him for the first time. As well as the fact that he caught glimpses of Seungcheol staring at you with so much longing during class, it even makes Wonwoo’s own heart ache. 

“We fought over you.” You finally speak up, not bothering to stare into Wonwoo’s eyes, instead opting to swirl your latte with your straw. 

“What? Why” He’s confused, why me? He asks himself. 

You finally look at him, letting out a bittersweet chuckle, you wish you kenw too. Seungcheol’s distaste for you becoming closer with his friend seemed uncalled for, especially because you’re under the impression that he has no romantic feelings for you. 

“Beats me.” You mutter. 

“I’m sorry Y/n, I should’ve never asked you out.” He says apologetically, the remorse filling his chest. He feels bad knowing he started this fight between the two of you, but he's also mad that Seungcheol just won’t admit his feelings for you. He just doesn’t  understand what was stopping him, especially since it’s so clear that you like him back. 

“It's not your fault.” 

“I know but you guys would’ve never have fought if it weren’t for me” He sighs, looking down at the his hands, picking at them. 

“No, I’m sorry that I even roped you into all of this. I should’ve just been a normal person and tell you everything right away. Instead I’ve been dragging you along because I feel lonely.” You sigh, the guilt of including Wonwoo in all this drama starts to eat away at you. 

“I want to be around Y/n, especially because you’ve been so down lately. I know you’re in love with Seungcheol, but I still want to be your friend. I hope that's ok?” He comforted you, putting a hand on top of yours. 

“I want to be your friend too. I’m really sorry about everything, and I’m grateful that you’ve been helping me. You don’t know how much this all means to me Wons.” You give him a small smile, the tears starting to running down your face as you glance up at him. 

You are so grateful that you and Wonwoo became so close in such a short amount of time. He is so kind to you, despite everything that’s happened. In another universe maybe you did fall for Wonwoo, and maybe you two were together and happy. But he’s not the one you’re in love with in this universe, and you’re thankful he understands that it’s strictly platonic between the two of you.

He pulls you in towards his chest, his arm wrapping around you. Staring at him, you can’t help but glance at his lips. You’re not sure what possessed you in that moment, but you feel yourself start to lean in with no rhyme or reason. Wonwoo does the same, he’s confused but he doesn’t stop himself or push you away.  Maybe if you just tried…

You’re so close that you can feel his breath fan of your face, and it’s like the realization hit you like a truck. Quickly, you pull yourself from his arms. You weren’t sure what happened but maybe his warmth and reasurring words were starting to get to you, but you’re glad you stopped before you could even make the mistake for kissing him. He isn’t the one you want, and he can’t do anything to change that. 

Wownoo can tell, he can tell that you don’t like him romantically, but the way you were closing in on him had him fooled just for one second. 

“I know, you’re in love with him. It’s ok Y/n, I understand.” He sighs, looking at you with longing eyes. 

“Yes I am.” You breathe out, before pulling away from him completely. 

XVI. 

“Y/nie open up! It's us.” A voice calls out from the outside of the door. 

Jeonghan, Minghao, and Soonyound standing outside of your apartment, hoping you’re still alive. After your fight with Cheol, you’ve been pretty much MIA from them. Not answering any of their calls or texts, so this is their last resort. Jeonghan knows why you haven’t been contacting any of them, but he decided it’s time that the two of you finally have a talk. 

His timing is a blessing and a curse, as he was the one to witness what happend the day you three went to study in the library. That’s when he knew that shit was starting to hit the fan. He’s concluded that hes had enough of the two of you being so closed off about your feelings towards eachother, and it was his time to help once more. 

You contemplated opening the door, but decided that you needed the comfort right now. 

“Y/nie! Are you ok?” Soonyoung comes running, tackling you into a bear hug. In this case, perhaps a tiger hug.  “Hannie told us everything.” 

He grabs your face, taking a closer look and inspecting your face, then making a conclusion before pulling you back into a hug. It warms your heart to see him so concerned about you, even after you’ve been ignoring them and only spending time with Wonwoo. 

You know you should’ve contacted them, but they can tell what’s wrong with just one look and you know you would’ve cried if you had to explain everything. As much as you love the three of them, it would’ve hurt your heart to recall what happened between you and Seungcheol. So you stayed quiet, opting for the solitude and comfort that Wonwoo offered. 

“Yes I’m ok. Dont worry your cute little head.” You say, patting his head as you savour his comforting hugs. 

“We were really worried about you kiddo. I’m glad to see you’re alive.” Minghao remarks as he squeezes your shoulder reassuringly. 

“Thanks Hao.” 

“Ok enough with the reunion. Y/n we need to talk to you.” Jeonghan interrupts the tender moment, a small box sitting in his hands. 

You arelady knew where this is going, but at this point you knew there was no way of getting out of this conversation. There is three of them and one of you. 

Jeonghan sits you on the couch, his stern face coming into your view. It reminded you of the times your mother would scold you when you were younger. His hands crossed over his chest, foot tapping impatiently. 

“Y/nie we love you but you really need to just come forth with your feelings about Seungcheol. The fact that you’ve kept it from him this long shows that it’s doing more harm to your friendship than good. I know you’re scared and I know you don’t want to get rejected, but you need to understand that if you don’t learn to tell him how you feel it’ll blow up in your face.” He sighs, coming down to sit next to you, his hand on your shoulder. 

“I know you don’t want to fuck up your friendship with him, but how else can you move on from this if you can’t even tell him how you truly feel?” Mingaho adds, giving you a soft frown. 

As you take in their words, you can’t help but feel the tears welling up again. Not just because your scared about the direction you and Cheol’s friendship is going to take, but also the fact that you’re thankful for friends who aren’t afraid to tell you the truth. 

“We love you ok? And what ever happens we’ll be there to help you. Every step of the way.” Soonyoung assures you, pulling you into a another hug. You laugh a little and hug him back tighter. 

“Thank you guys. I definitely needed that reality check.” you laugh as you wipe your tears. 

They laugh with you, embracing you and supporting you. 

“Anyways, theres something I want to show you.” Jeonghan says as he pulls back from the group embrace. 

He takes the small box from beside him, presenting it to you. As you open it you grow even more confused. It was filled with letters addressed to you. From Seungcheol. 

“What is this?” You look at Jeonghan, searching for an answer. He only shrugs. 

“I dont know. Seungcheol gave them to me. He told me he wanted you to read them” Jeonghan reveals, peering at the stack of letters in the box. “He’s sorry you know? He said the letters will explain the things he can’t say in person.” 

“Hes sorry? I-” you didn’t even know what to say, you were just scared of what all these letters could possibly hold. And why were there so many? 

“Anyways we’ll leave you to it. Text us when you and Cheol finally grow some balls and confess to each other!” Jeonghan and the two sidekicks bid you goodbye. Leaving you to scour through the letters on you own. 

There was one letter in particular that has a recent date written in the corner. 

Dear y/n, 

I know you don’t want to hear from me at the moment, and I know I’ve said some things I didn’t mean the last time we spoke. Im sorry. Im sorry I didn’t communicate properly with you, and that I left us in a vague and confusing position. I dont know what came over me. I was so used to the whole world just revolving around us two, and then when Wonwoo began to show interest, I just completely switched off. 

You deserve someone as kind as him. A person who will be there for you when you need someone to lean on, a person who’s willing to hold you till you can sleep peacefully. I was always that person for you for a long time, and if i'm not the one you want anymore i’ll come to terms with that. I just want to see you happy Y/n. In the same sense that I know you want me to be happy as well. 

There's not a day that goes by where I think about how thankful that I have someone like you in my life. You are my rock and sometimes you didn’t even know. The more you read these letters, the more you’ll start to realize how much you helped me. I know I would be able to survive without you, that I could do it even if it hurts me. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to live in a world where I’m living to survive, when I can be living to make you happy instead. My best friend, the one who understands me inside and out. Please come back to me angel. 

I love you and always yours, 

Seungcheol. 

As you read through the letter you couldn’t help but burst into tears. The relief you felt knowing that he felt the same way, that he wanted you in his life just like how you wanted him. This was enough for you to know that he needs you like you need him. 

You begin to sift through the countless of letters he wrote you, all of them as heart wrenching as the previous. It put into perspective all that he went through when he moved here all alone. And with each letter that you read, the harder it got to ignore to urge to just go and see him. So thats what you do. 

Dropping the letters on the coffee table, you slip on a pair a shoes and head to Seungcheol’s place as fast as your legs could carry you. The snow starting to stick to your hair as it fell from the sky, the chilly weather making you shiver. But you couldn’t stop yourself, you didn’t even care. You didn't have a coat on nor a warm pair of shoes, the only thing preserving your heat is the thought of finally confessing your love to Seungcheol. 

After ten minutes of speed walking, you find yourself in front of his door. You knock, nervously, your heart beating a hundred miles per hour. You aren’t really sure what to expect, but you knew that you just needed to see him. Even if you were shivering, even if your hair and clothes are damp from the snow. 

The door opens to reveal the man who you consider home. 

“Y/n? Holy shit you must be freezing come inside.” He ushers you in and you oblige happily. “Why did you come in your PJ’s? Are you crazy? You're gonna get sick.” He worries, grabbing your face, scolding you. 

“I needed to see you.” You pant, tired from how fast you walked. 

“Lets get you some warm clothes first.” He states, grabbing your hand to lead him to his room. Marching over to his drawer he grabs you a pair of sweats and one of his large tshirts. You’re completely engulfed in fabric but at least you’re warm. 

“Seungcheol I’m in love with you.” You tell him right before he goes to grab you a hot cup of tea. Better late than never, you thought.

He turns around, his eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Your neck turns red as the blush starts to creep its way up your cheeks. Seungcheol doesn’t say much more, his actions doing all the talking for him. 

Taking your face in his hands, he swallows you into a kiss. Pressing his lips against yours with the same amount of passion and vigour as the first night you kissed him. You whimper at the sudden affection, fisting his hair in your hands to ground you. 

He pulls way. “I’m so in love with you too Y/n.” 

He goes back to kissing you, his arms wrapping around your waist, holding on so tight that you’re convinced he thinks you’ll disappear into thin air if he didn’t hold you close. 

“I love you, I love you my angel.” He keeps repeating those three words. Three words that finally replaced the dreaded “you’re my bestfriend” statement. 

“You’re my best friend and I love you.” You whisper to him against his lips.

Epilogue. 

“Just keep watching the movie love.” Seungcheol warns you, his tongue playing  skillfully with your clit as you try to do what he says. Your legs are spread for him, your hips grinding against his face, it’s pure bliss. The pleasure Seungcheol gives you seems to work better than any drug that’s been created. 

You don’t know what happened, one moment you two were sitting on his couch, watching Howl’s Moving Castle for the millionth time. The next moment you’re watching your boyfriend kneel in front of you, eating you out while you try to concentrate on the movie playing on the tv.

“Seungcheol please…” You moan, his hair intertwined with your fingers as he continued to lick at your folds. You can hear how wet you are and it makes your head spin, the pleasure, the feeling of Cheols tongue grazing against you, it’s all too much. 

“You like this don’t you baby? You like it when your boyfriend eats you out on his couch?” He taunts you as he pumps two fingers into you now, wanting to see you the way your eyebrows scrunch from all the pleasure.  

You love the way he calls himself your boyfriend, the label rolling off his tongue perfectly. It was like he was meant to be called that all along. It’s only been a week since you two started dating officially but you’ll never get tired of hearing him tell you that he’s your boyfriend. 

“Yes! P-please I need you now, please baby.” You whine and beg as he teases you, his fingers still playing with your entrance. All you can do is watch him, your eyes lidded with so much desire that Seungcheol can probably come just from looking at you. 

He relinquishes his hold on you, getting up to sit on the couch before manhandling you into the position he wants you in. Placing  you on his lap, he takes off his sweats, revealing his hard member. You drool at the sight of it, ready to take him for all he’s worth. 

“Look at how hard you got me love.” He whispers to you, placing a kiss on your lips after. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it makes you moan against his mouth. 

Without breaking away from him, you lift yourself up to align his length against the entrance of your needy cunt. Slowly but surely you lower yourself, causing you to gasp against Seungcheol’s lips, feeling him stretch you.

“How are you still so fucking tight.” He mutters to you, his hands breaching the hem of the large shirt that you’re wearing.  He fondles your breasts, pinching your nipples as you bounce yourself on his lap. Groaning at your actions, he lifts the shirt completely off your body, taking the opportunity to take one of your mounds and enclosing his lips around it. 

“Hmm so close baby.” You tell him, feeling your climax coming on. He groans as he continues to suck on your nipples, his hands snaking around to your ass to grope at the flesh. He grips you tight, forcing you up and down faster, releasing his mouth from your chest. 

Seungcheol’s head leans against the couch to admire how sexy you look riding his cock. He doesn’t let go of your ass, slapping it and groping it till you’ve fully orgasmed. 

“Fuck you’re so sexy.” He mutters, driving you into overstimulation as he fucks up into you, his own release closely following yours. You clench at his words, your pussy gripping him like a vice, and it finally sends him into his own orgasm, his come filling you completely. 

“I love you.” He says, giving you one last kiss before finding a wash cloth to clean you with. 

“I love you too.”

⌗ 𓂃 end.  

© wonustars

a/n: you've reached the end! i hoped you enjoyed the story, because i know i loved writing it :")). if you have any thoughts, questions, or just want to chat, dont be afraid to visit my ask box <;3 - anna

𖠗 𓂃 。˚ ⋆ taglist: @mysafehaneul @christinewithluv @soonyoonswoo @aaniag @iluvmingi @auniverseline @k07-1313 @idubutily @kmoon @leah-rose03 @ana-marais98 @xcynthiaaa @wonwoo24 @yelsuki @yuyunhoo @sana-is-ms-rmty @hwashiningstar @svt-reads @imprettyweird

[steffigraf]

warning for a clearly anxiety-ridden oversharing freakout below the cut. sorry. i’m too sensitive and i’m unfortunately acutely aware of it.

tldr; im being a drama queen. gonna take a tumblr break for a week or two. to my mutuals, feel free to dm for my insta. i’ll be active until i wake up tomorrow morning and then i’m gonna zip

gonna preface this by saying this is in no way directed to the people whom i actually talk to constantly on here like you lot were lovely and im just dealing with a lot of demons in my head :(

anyway. sometimes i feel more like a product manufacturer than a person on here. and idk. i know most of you guys are really just following me for gifs and content and whatever but. yeah. idk. i guess the things i say don’t matter to anyone unless it’s funny. or if people want to call me out. not that im mad abt that exactly btw i do appreciate when people respectfully call me out for my own mistakes but. sometimes. i feel like im in a fishbowl and you’re all just waiting for me to say something wrong and cancel me. or then again, maybe most of you already think im a shit person and you just stay for the gifs. or maybe you guys think i’m a loser who has nothing to do but spend all day on this goddamn website.

and i know, somewhere inside me, that that’s not true and that it’s clearly the anxiety talking. maybe it’s just me maybe i’m making this up in my head i dunno. but i’m just kinda tired right now. too tired to battle the anxiety like usual at least. and i don’t really feel wanted outside of the content i produce, beyond the notes of my gifs or my fun posts. which ik shouldn’t matter but. i’m a pathological people pleaser etc etc.

(god, seeing this all typed out, i can’t even fucking blame you guys if you actly don’t like me cause. i kinda wanna shake myself by the shoulders and tell myself get a grip girl the world doesn’t revolve around you shut up shut up shut your damn mouth—)

i’ve been trying to manage by unfollowing and blocking a few people (which btw, if i did that to you and we used to be mutuals, it’s probably nothing personal i mostly just kept people i’m a bit closer to). but i’m still not really settled. and considering how i’m posting like every other day about feeling like shit, you guys probably figured that out lmao.

and well. on a separate note. seeing that rat’s name alone is too much for me sometimes. i couldn’t watch his game with carlos. i spent hours in his match with daniil turned away from the television, wearing noise canceling headphones while trying (and failing) to talk myself down from a full blown anxiety attack. i’ve said this before but the way people talk about him, both the fucked up silence and the justified outrage, it reminds me way too much about a family problem i have right now. hits uncomfortably close to home. prior to this i kinda thought i’d made my peace with the whole family situation but no apparently not. had he won the semis, i wasn’t even sure if i would be able to stomach cheering for jannik if it meant having to watch that man play.

so. idk. between the way actual tennis has been making me feel and the way tennisblr in general has seemed for me lately, i figure i need some space.

long story short ive been spending way too much time on tumblr this ao. and its gotten really bad for my mental health i guess. so i think i need to take maybe a week or two, to clear my head. watch tennis without opening this app every other point. spend time with people i love. get back to therapy. try to be a functioning adult.

(this is so fucking dramatic for a goddamn week of no tumblr i know that and i want to smack myself upside the head because why am i like this why do i make things snowball why why why—)

anyway. yeah. that’s it. if you actually read through all of that then. thanks. if not it’s okay too.

to my mutuals, the ones whom i’ve had at least some form of friendly interaction with in replies or dms, you can ask for my insta account btw. not that i’m crazy active on there but like. if you guys wanna be friends beyond the anonymity of this yknow. no pressure though.

[identityarchitect]

[09/11] in light of the fact that tumblr is dying, my discord is jonahfagnus. go friend me if you want to keep in contact mutuals or not

gods i spent so fucking long on the html in this stupid post let's hope it worked

eliias-bouchard -> autistic-grey-wind -> bigender-sliver-of-straw -> eliias-bouchard

hi im lynx (or just see my pronouns.page). im some sort of thing or entity. welcome to my blog. please please view my blog as a site the theme is so good i spent a lot of time on it

edit: ed/sh blogs will be blocked on sight. no exceptions. dont follow me

my ao3

- disused writing tag: #tmabsent

- when i make a new “my writing” tag ill put it here -> temp writing tag

look at my ocs also check out starfallverse

favourites tag -> #%3C3 (its supposed to be a heart)

i cant guarantee consistent cwing but i generally try & do “cw thing” and “thing cw”. all of my posts are ask to tag forever and ever (do link to the post you need tagging though)

if ur my friend i might have a specialised tag for posts that remind me of u. i also might not. dont feel bad if i dont have one for you, its not indicative of how much i like you. also i usually wont tell you if you have a tag or what it is you gotta find that out for yourself

humans tag for ender

no particular dni criteria but i am pro any and all good faith identities & choose to trust the person on what their identity is. i'll just block if i dont like you

all blinkies made with blinkies.cafe

[ID1: a blinkie with the bigender flag in the background reading “bigender & better than you”.

ID2: a blinkie with the bigender flag in the background reading “trans in both directions”.

ID3: a blinkie with rainclouds on either side reading “mike crew lover”.

ID4: a blinkie reading “gerry keay lover”.

ID5: a blinkie with the plural symbol reading “not a gatekeeper”.

ID6: a blinkie with the tbh creature on one side reading “autistic af”.

ID7: a blinkie with the aro flag reading “unloveable <2″

ID8: a blinkie with the ace flag reading “-1 bitches”

ID9: a blinkie with the tbh creature on one side reading "ask me about rw"

ID10: same as above but with "ask me about ksbd"

ID11: same as above but with "ask me about hk"

ID12: same as above but with “ask me about tma”

ID13: same as above but with “ask me about aurora”

ID14: same as above but with "ask me about my ocs"

ID15: a blinkie with the homestuck cat on one side reading “hi lev hows the omniscience coming”

ID16: a blinkie with an octopus on one side reading “<-- fish :)”

ID17: a blinkie with a space background reading “ur local vastard”

ID18: a meme reading "you can always ask me for my discord; its never socially unacceptable" /end ID]

[pikaflute]

sam and max 001 :^))

smiling and giggling. this got long because of autism.

when I started shipping it if I did

i think like. legally if you play the telltale games or consume any sam and max media youre required to think they're a old married couple. it's the law. i also thought they were gay when my tumblr mutuals put sam and max gay comps and art on my dash for many years. and shoutout to that one person who put max's penis on my dashboard too.

and special shout out to my friend teddy for getting me into these games we're going to be fighting in gladiatorial combat but like we'll be kissing while we do so.

my thoughts

theyre going to hell. like for real. do you know how much time i've spent thinking about them these past two months. like. i have a 6000+ word fic still brewing, two wips of ideas that i will probably not finish, and two google docs of headcanons for them. and my THREE playlists for them. here they are btw:

general s&m playlist - he let me hit cause i'm goofy as hell

sam playlist - look at my detective dawg, he's doomed by the narrative

max playlist - UNIDENTIFIED THING! BLOW IT UP NOW!!!

i have also spent so much on those sam and max figurines and the max plush. we're all lucky i haven't found keychains or pins yet to make an itabag. joking. maybe. anyway they're very cute and special to me. i love them so much and i love the way they love. im throwing pipe bombs at them

What makes me happy about them

i love the way they love. seriously, i read the comics over the weekend and they were very funny and very cute together. that whole road trip they took together was so adorable. i also love their interactions in hit the road. the lousy golfer bit is the most married they've ever been in my mind.

i just love couples who have been together for so long that their love language is funny banter. there's a part in 303 where sam finds max's brain and they immediately get into an argument because max was too loud. keep in mind sam just went through all the stops and was so broken up about losing max but they still have time to do this. in 304 before max turns into a monster he fucks with sam. it's really funny.

love them so much. sam throwing max out a window is a declaration of love to me.

What makes me sad about them

im under the impression that telltale games still needs to be tried in court for episode 305. like treason. TREASON. anyway post 305, they're together again (yay) but things have to be different right. like this new max does things differently than what our max did and it's making sam question if this is right. like is this really helping him let go of max? also he feels like if he gets close to this max he'll end up losing him again as he did everything he could to save max but it ended up failing at every step of the way.

meanwhile max is bottling everything up inside because he doesn't want to think about it. when he does eventually think about it, he feels awful and feels like he killed sam and is now thinking whether or not if he should stay to not allow sam to feel anymore miserable about losing max. he doesn't want to hurt sam anymore and will sacrifice his own happiness by being with sam to do that.

anyway that fic should be done soon. looking at you autistically

things done in fanfic that annoys me

surprisingly: ive only read like two sam and max fanfics (that were about them specifically, i read my lovely friend teddy's stuff because we're soul bonded) and one of them is my own draft. i think just in general, they should already be married in the fic. like even post 305 they should like get married again. sam and max have been married ever since max got one of those spider rings from sam at age 5.

things I look for in fanfic

i think they should be annoying. and in love. that's it. actually also give sam a hug max, please. please he needs a hug after the shit in season 3.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other

i'm under the impression that they need to be a couple or else. like the world is going to collapse if they don't get hitched 50 times. also i don't think anyone else is right for them besides each other.

but. i have an image for this. do you get it. walk with me.

My happily ever after for them

not living in new york for one. but seriously, i think a lot of people imagine them retiring at some point, but honestly i think they would be freelance police until the end. they just love to do what they do: sam because he loves to be a detective and be with max and max because he loves to be the "long arm of the law" aka shoot people and be with sam. when they do die they're gonna terrorize hell too. you will never separate them ever again.

if they ever retire however, they are living in new jersey for my sake. i hate new york.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

"oh wouldnt sam be the big spoon because hes like 6 feet?" yeah but max is like a cunt. he tries spooning sam and sam lets him because he's a) tired and b) doesn't want to get bit right now. half way through the night sam either rolls onto max or max wants to be cuddled instead and max tries to get sam to change positions and wake up and sam ignores him because he knew this was going to happen because it happens literally every night.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity

throwing rocks at each other. but also i think they really like doing any silly shit together. watching movies together but making fun of them. playing poker and max shooting the cards when he loses (which is often). them playing video games together and max breaking his controller because he lost (also happens often). them goofing off on cases. going to a diner for dinner and annoying everyone there. they just love to spend time together with one another. its so cute.

[det4rde]

#DET4RDE. 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗯𝗶𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 .

highly selective dual muse featuring original characters sibéal and bastion de'tarde, based in dnd 5e and baldur's gate 3. penned by tea. previously on @tiefsleuth and @tealias. please read the rules under the read more before following.

RULES.

hello! my name is tea, or you may know me from previous blogs as tinez, whichever is fine! please, give the rules a thorough read before you follow and don't hesitate to reach out if there are any questions at all.

001. shipping:  i am 28 years old, for my own comfort i will not be shipping with any writer below the age of 21. nsfw may occur, it will always be properly tagged and under a rm. ships (romantic, platonic, antagonistic) are some of my favorite areas to explore so please do not hesitate to reach out if you have a dynamic in mind!

002. selectivity:  i will not follow blogs that post their replies as images or write real-life people. i hardblock on sight at any indication of shipping and/or writing inc*st, nsfw involving minors, harmful stereotypes, or bigotry. if i do not follow you, please do not engage with my ic content, i will softblock if this rule is broken.  this blog is 18+ only,  if you do not have your age stated somewhere on your blog i will not follow you back.

003. duplicates: once i have an established dynamic with a writing partner, i rarely follow / follow back other portrayals of the same character / original characters with the same face claim. this does not need to be reciprocated, it's just how i function!

004. activity: i work full-time mon-fri, so the speed of my replies does not reflect my interest but more so my workload offline. if you have a reply pending from me, feel free to ask the status of it, but keep in mind that i am not a quick writer. this applies to ooc as much as it does ic. i have periods of extended absence from tumblr and social media, which is not compatible with everyone. if i drop off the face of the earth and reply to an im several weeks later, know that it isn't personal and that i do not hold it against anyone who decides it's not their cup of tea.

005. triggers: all triggers known to me will be tagged with a standard tw: trigger tag. if there is something regularly appearing in my content that you need tagged please do not hesitate to reach out to me.

006. interactions: liking interaction calls or sending memes are the best ways to start up interactions with me. mutuals are also welcome to drop into my IMS or ask about my disc.

MUSES.

sibéal ( labelle ) de'tarde, human fighter.

bastion ( labelle ) de'tarde, tiefling rogue.

bastion and sibéal are brother and sister, born eight years apart to the renowned sorceress manon labelle and her high society husband ignacio de'tarde. sibéal, the first-born, spent the first eight years of her life in the lavish labelle family estate, receiving the most sought after magical training as a birthright. the labelles were an ancient family of sorcerers who's influence on the community around them had been immense for several hundred years; for as long as anyone could remember there had been a labelle in the public eye, wielding their powers for the good of the people.

dark secret. a pact, made in a young city by a young man. every few years, a labelle child will be born sprouting horns and a tail. a child marked for sacrifice for the continuation of the pact.

when sibéal is eight years old, her younger brother is born. he is a screaming pink bundle, but the hue is not that of any human child. the baby boy is a shocking shade of pink, and two bulging nubs protrude from his forehead. bastion is marked for sacrifice.

manon tears her way through the birth-chamber only moments after having given birth. that night the little family escape the labelle estate, and vanish into faerun.

after a long journey, they eventually arrive in baldur's gate, where they live anonymous lives. for a short time they can keep bastion disguised, but one morning when manon casts the spell, it backfires and instead twists flames up her arms, wretching her in pain. with the pact unsatisfied, the magic has not only abandoned the labelle family, but as punishment the formerly famed sorcerers now suffer wild magic surges when in the proximity of spellcasting. the labelles have become allergic to the very thing they claimed as their birthright.

abandoned by her magic and irreversibly damaged by that first surge of wild magic, manon no longer feels able to protect her family on her own. instead, she turns to her daughter, and begins to raise a soldier capable of protecting them both in her place.

through the years in baldur's gate, sibéal hones her abilities and becomes a force to be reckoned with, while bastion spends most of his time trying to live a life as shrunken into himself as possible, being taught to fear what lurks around every corner.

when bastion is 23 and sibeal 31, they've grown into very different people. bastion is a well-manned, soft spoken young man with sloping shoulders. he grows his hair out to cover the horns, keeps his tail wrapped tightly around his leg as to avoid drawing attention, and spends his days solving other people's problems. sibéal on the other hand is a stoic, no-nonsense woman.

[vocaloid4-remade]

yay i'm finally home again

[teklarn]

𝔂𝓸𝓾'𝓻𝓮 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾 (𝓹𝓽. 2)

 character(s): katsuki bakugou x gn!reader 

a/n: ok so i just started writing on tumblr and honestly in my opinion for my first time posting smth on this the first part did really well thank u for all the likes :) (told from second pov; e.g you, your) reblogs are greatly appreciated :))

summary: bakugou x gn!reader. they have feelings for one another but have no idea how to express them, however y/n has someone pining for their attention. 

genre: a lil bit angsty 

warnings: cursing, jealousy, mutual pining, slow burn romance, aged-up to third year, love triangle (square?), physical injuries, kirishima gets a little toxic, also shirtless bakugou (awooga), a crap ton of time skips bc i can’t write action scenes for shit, bakugou is a flirt (lowkey but yeah), mentions of blood 

word count: 2112

pt 1 , pt 3

- - - 

kirishima had broken the skin on his lower lip with how hard he was biting it. he stood in the bathroom, rinsing his mouth, ignoring the slight sting the water brought. 

y/n was currently being blasted by bakugou, and they were fighting back. 

jealousy panged in his chest. 

bakugou had never let him know about how he felt about you, however kirishima was sure he felt something for them. you and bakugou were both a jumble of prideful and longing stares towards each other from across every room. the tension was thick enough to slice through. and while kirishima would never make a move in fear of ruining the friendship between him and bakugou, as well as him and y/n, gosh it didn’t stop him from wanting to. 

he’d stood on the side, cheering you on to no end. the sports festival last year, the year before that, training exercises, he was always there. kirishima was always there. 

whenever you needed him, whenever you wanted his company. so what did bakugou have over him? sure, the blond was strong and had bigger goals than kirishima, but why should that matter? 

what did bakugou have? why would you want him more when he was never near you? never made an effort to see you to be there when you asked for help. 

it was popular belief that bakugou was a noisy idiot, but he was actually quite a quiet boy. he didn’t bother to raise his hand in class, however he always knew the answer. he spoke rarely and only made conversation with those he was close with if they were the ones to make the effort to converse with him first. 

jealousy, jealousy, jealousy. kirishima despised it. 

whenever did he begin wanting to beat bakugou at something? 

the cloud of guilt welling up in his chest was going to become unbearable, and soon everything he ever wanted to say was going to come up like word vomit at the worst possible time. 

- 

you swiped at your cheek, brushing off the crumbling dirt. your timing had been off, and their flip backwards had landed you in an awkward position. a vulnerable one. 

honestly, though, it wasn’t like it really mattered. bakugou was a bit transparent himself. he wore a smug look like a golden medal, and held back his power just enough to keep you on your feet. 

his cocky attitude was irritating and it drew you in like a moth drawn to a lamp. 

sweat was beading down your temple. the day was exceptionally hot, the sun beaming down on your back like a proud child. 

you and bakugou had been at it for a while. with anyone else, you would have quit by now. it’s not that you gave up easily. no, not ever. but fights could get boring, especially if you were just smashing away at them with your quirk and they were acting like they could take it. 

perhaps you were being cocky. 

this fight, though. this was interesting. not only because it was bakugou; also because you knew so little about him. 

it was likely he never shared anything important to anyone. he was quite introverted. 

it was interesting for another reason. 

it was hot, bakugou sweats a lot. gosh, he looked delicious without a shirt on. he had a built figure accompanied by strong arms and a broad chest. 

he’d filled out quite nicely the past few years. you hadn’t noticed until now how much he’d grown. 

“don’t get distracted.” 

your eyes snapped up from his chest to his eyes. bakugou became a blur, shooting himself off the ground and flipping once in the air before propelling himself back down. 

before you could do anything, bakugou had you pinned, one leg pinning yours, both his hands wrapped around your wrists. he’d ditched his gauntlets, leaving the metal assistants in the sweltering heat, claiming he wanted to give you an equal fight. 

he panted atop you, hands tightening. 

tokage didn’t bother to leave her dorm today, thank goodness. it had just been the three of you. you, bakugou, and kirishima. 

the red head had suspiciously vanished halfway through the fight, though.

bakugou’s crimson eyes bored into yours. neither of you blinked for a moment. perhaps just a small eternity each of you silently reveled in. 

his erratic breaths slowed, and so did yours, although you stayed the same. unmoving, faces neutral but eyes giving away long-held secrets. 

your ears flushed, and butterflies came rising up uncontrollably. you should have pushed him off. instead you gave him a wicked grin, which earned a look from him and you couldn’t tell if he was confused or annoyed. 

“your big ass forehead is blocking the bright-as-hell sun. stay like this,” you mocked, wrenching your wrists from his grasp and snaking your arms around his neck. 

his cheeks burned red. “w-what?” 

“you heard me.” 

he scoffed, tugging you off his neck and standing. “shut up, shitface. we aren’t even done yet.” he readied himself in a fighting stance once more. 

“i thought you said you wanted to stop when you won?” you brushed yourself off as you stood. 

“i know what i said. you probably weren’t even giving it your all.” 

“’course i was.” you cocked your head. “why wouldn’t i?” 

“you’re strong, damn idiot.” 

you feigned surprise, pressed a hand to your fluttering chest. “the bakugou, dynamight himself, complimenting a humble soul like me? oh, i really must be good, then.” 

“not as good as me.” his face dropped from a smile. bakugou never got enough training no matter how early or late he stayed up, or how many hours on the weekends were spent kicking a bag or sparring with friends. hard workers did all of the work there was a still wondered if they were doing enough. the number one spot wasn’t empty, but it was still reserved for dynamight. 

- 

y/n had collapsed on their bed. kirishima was itching to tell them how he felt, however he was stuck at the doorway. 

they weren’t even dressed for bed, nor were they showered. 

he settled with leaving his friend alone, and shut the door softly to find bakugou standing right behind him. 

kirishima jumped back, closing his eyes in relief. “bakugou. what the heck man?” 

“you’re creepy as shit.” 

“i- what? you were the one staring at me while i-” 

“while you peeped in on y/n?” 

“i wasn’t peeping. i walked them back after the fight and they just collapsed. you were off doing something else and you worked them too hard.” 

it wasn’t a shock that bakugou was still riled up from the duel. this boy had the energy of a mad man. 

when bakugou didn’t say anything, kirishima said once again, “you overworked them.” 

bakugou swat away the comment. “only because they’re not working hard enough.” 

kirishima raised an eyebrow. “they work hard. they’re perfectly fine.” 

“fine?” 

“they’re amazing.”

“i know that, shitty hair. you think i’m blind?” 

“everyone can make improvements at their own pace.” kirishima’s voice dropped. 

“you train with me.” 

“it’s an hour before curfew.” 

bakugou jut a thumb in the direction of the door. “so? maybe you need some more practice, too,” he joked. 

“you’re an ass, bakugou,” kirishima released a breathy chuckle. 

the two wandered off to one of the training grounds. it was open, a wide court where they’d both kicked someone else’s ass. 

the sun was just setting, a new cool breeze coming to fill the spot of the violent sun rays. 

it was routine to fight each other out of nowhere. kirishima was usually quite playful, spewing jokes once in a while and taunting his friend. 

this fight was different. his face was stone-cold. kirishima often took the defensive role, as his quirk didn’t allow him to project any direct attacks to bakugou.

it wasn’t like kirishima was angry at bakugou, but as soon as they started charging towards one another, he couldn’t hold back. his chest tightened, arms hardening and joints becoming strong and stiff. 

with one clean sweep of his arm, bakugou was backing away from kirishima, propelling himself to the edge of the arena with a small blast. he’d always been up for a challenge. kirishima was willing to give him one. 

his sudden competitive demeanor seemed to be egging on bakugou’s. the blond tongued the inside of his cheek, grunting as he shot forth, hair flying wildly. 

swiftly, kirishima dodged, just barely missing a blast. his torso wasn’t hardened, so if he’d dodged any later, his stomach would have been scorched. 

bakugou always took their fights seriously. he knew better than to underestimate the boy who had put together his very own rescue mission. 

kirishima’s opponent stumbled from the momentum. he took his chance and brought a hardened elbow down on bakugou’s back, hearing a satisfying crack. 

bakugou was crushed to the ground with the hit. his face smashed into the sandy ground. he coughed, turning over and spitting dirt to the side. 

it took a moment for him to register what he did, but kirishima was at bakugou’s side within seconds. the sun was nearly gone, a pale blue sky flickering with the first sights of stars. 

it was hard to make it out at first, but not impossible. kirishima saw the blood dripping and smeared just above bakugou’s lip. he groaned, cupping his face in both hands as he sat upright. 

“argh” bakugou gasped. “shit, kirishima. what the hell?” 

“i...i’m sorry dude, i didn’t mean to.” i wanted to, but i didn’t mean to. 

bakugou raised an eyebrow and let a smile seep through his pain. “you’re improving, though.” 

“are you alright?” kirishima traced the small cut on his lip from earlier with the tip of his tongue. 

“i’m fine, i’m fine.” bakugou swatted his hand away. he struggled to get up, refusing kirishima’s help. 

“we should head back before this gets any worse.” 

bakugou kept his large hands hovering under his chin to catch the dripping and occasional chunks of blood.  

although he wanted the duel to continue (it was finally interesting) bakugou wasn’t stubborn enough to keep going. so he nodded, once again denying kirishima’s efforts to help him out. 

- 

you were in the common area, fiddling with a rubik’s cube. it was just you, as everyone else was spending the night among each other. ashido had invited you to her dorm a while ago, but you’d denied, wanting to spend a few more giddy moments to yourself. 

the door rattled, and in came your two friends, one with furrowed brows and the other with blood drenching the front of his shirt. 

bakugou’s head was tilted up in an attempt to stop the blood from flowing down. his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed the blood trailing down the back of his throat. 

“oh my gosh,” you gasped out, racing to the bathroom. you came back with sanitary wipes in one hand and tissue in the other. “what happened?” 

“we were training,” kirishima started, taking a few tissues from the box and handing them to his friend, “and i accidentally hit him too hard.” 

“you didn’t hit me that hard. you barely did any damage!” bakugou objected. you approached him, and through his fingers, bakugou peered down at you. 

you asked him with your eyes, and he gave you silent permission to pry his arms away from his face. “are you okay?” 

“i’m just dandy,” he scoffed. 

“dude, i’m really sorry—” 

“shut the hell up kirishima. i don’t want your pity. i swear this is the only time i’ll surrender to you, you asswipe.”

you didn’t laugh, not even a chuckle. “bakugou, you need to see recovery girl.” 

“what the hell? no way. all she’s gonna do is give me one of those shitty slobbery kisses and scold me for being careless.” 

“your nose is broken,” you said gently. 

“so? can’t you fix it?” 

you raised a questioning brow. “you want me to help you?” 

“can you or can you not?” 

“i can try to set it but you’re better off going to recovery girl instead of settling with―” 

“all i need is possible. i don’t want to deal with that old lady’s shit right now.” using the tissues kirishima had stuffed into his hand, he caught the remaining blood dripping down his nose. “let’s go.” 

you were more than unsure. he would end up with a crooked nose if you made any small mistake, but he didn’t think twice as he grabbed your shoulder and led you in the direction of your dorm. 

- 

kirishima wished he hadn’t broken bakugou’s nose. not because he felt bad, though. 

[heyheydidjaknow]

I would’ve posted this earlier but, alas, I passed out early. This is a longer one, but tumblr got its act together so I can post it all in one part. You guys know where the other chapters are, and if you don’t, they’re at the end of the chapter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat straight Nutella.

Chapter 10

“I’m thinking about getting some gloves.”

He looks over at you as he laces up his skates. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling slightly to yourself as you look your hands over, trying to imagine what they would look like. “Like, badass, fingerless gloves.”

He smiles. “Dude, those would look metal as fuck.”

“Totally, right?” Your smile widens. “With studs and shit.”

He gets to his feet, hopping onto the ice. “Hell yeah.” He drops a puck to assault as you go back to your backed-up coursework the best you can—your handwriting has gone to hell, but you are working with what you have.

You flinch at the crack of his stick, the cross of the T ending up underneath the letter somehow. A cheer from Casey tells you the rubber cylinder’s fate.

‘I swear I learned this.' You squint at the basic algebra, the pencil, crudely held in your fist, hovering over the packet. ‘Why can’t I do this?’

“How’s your pile coming along?” Another crack.

“It’s comin’.” You run your fingers through your hair. “Just… trynna remember how to do ne—… subtraction.” ‘Not debate. Negating is debate.’

He laughs. Another crack. “Man, that thing really fucked you over, huh?”

“Thoroughly.” You decide against continuing to torture yourself, having been at it for the past five hours—most of it in the library before Casey invited you to watch him practice some more— and set the large stack of homework back in your bag. “Are you actually making the shots?”

“Casey Jones doesn’t miss shots.” Another crack.

“Pardon me, oh almighty king of the ice.” You stand on your good leg, grabbing the side of the wall to watch as he went back to collect his pucks.

You two have managed to bond over a mutual respect/love of heavy metal and hockey and, seeing as you are staying out of the Hamatos’ hair for a while—not upon request, but out of courtesy—you have managed to spend a lot more time with him than you may have otherwise. Your school has not assigned Biology any big projects yet, so, until you are assigned it, you do not have anything other than your health to stress about.

“Pardon accepted.” You watch his form as he performs another slap shot.

“You…” you trail off, trying to remember what you were going to say.

“What?”

You shrug. “Dunno.” You lean your head on your arms. “I’ll remember eventually.”

He drops the second puck. “Got any plans after this?”

You sigh. “Nope. Probably gonna head home and try not to cut my fingers making dinner again.”

He takes another shot. “Then let’s go out after this. You and me.”

You smile. “What, don’t have any plans either?”

“Nah.” He drops the third. “Dad doesn’t care if I’m home late anyway.”

“True, true.” You have decided against prying into his home life; it is not your place and does not concern you in the slightest. “Where do you wanna go?”

“Wanna catch a movie? Heard there was this new pizza place just a couple blocks down if you wanna try to sneak it in.”

You snicker. “In the box and all?”

“Yes.” He grins mischievously and hits this one off the walls. Some way, somehow, it still makes it into the goal. “I bet your sweatshirt is big enough to stick the box under.”

You stick your tongue out at him. “Not in the mood for burns on top of scars, Jones,” you reprimand him teasingly. “That just ain't it.”

“Then you can wear mine under that one and—”

“Your sweat-soaked hoodie you’ve been practicing in all day?” You cringe at the thought. “Over my dead body.”

“I mean…” he licks his teeth, smile widening, “it’s not exactly like you’re in the best—”

You laugh. “So not cool!”

He puts his hands up in defense, gliding over. “I mean, am I wrong, though?”

“That is completely besides the point, you ass.” You balance on your foot, crossing your arms. “Damn. Making fun of the girl with the broken leg.”

He leans against the wall. “Man, you were dying before the crash.”

You roll your eyes. “Alright, whatever, Jones.” You lean against your hand. “How’s Johanna,” you sing.

He presses his hand against your face, pushing you away. “Annie is doing fine.”

You grin, steadying yourself on the wall. “Do you feel her, Johanna?”

“I’m gonna tell her you call her that if you don’t quit it.”

“Do you think that walls can hide her? Even when you’re at her window?”

He pushed his arm all the way out. You hop back.

“Her name isn’t even Johanna.”

“But she is Johanna,” you whine in protest, not bothering to hide your mirth. “She has the hair, the voice, the disposition. She’s an ingénue and you know it.” You have been teasing him about this for a while now: the girl in question—Annabelle Halshaw, a year below you two—had caught his eye when he had heard through the grapevine that she was the lead singer in some indie band. When he had shown you a picture and told you the story, you insisted on calling her Johanna for her golden hair and soft, sweet singing voice he had proudly had you listen to.

“She’s not.”

You roll your eyes, sitting back down as you grab your bag. “Lie to yourself all you want,” you goad, “but deep down, you know in your heart that the truth,” you put a finger up, “is apparent.”

He hops off the ice, sitting next to you as he unlaces his skates. “Whatever.” He smirks. “How’s The Don?”

You avert your gaze. “I haven’t seen ‘im.”

“Boo.” He tied the laces together. “Some girlfriend you are,” he ribs.

You go red. “Not my boyfriend. Not even friends with benefits.”

“Yeah, sure.” He sets the skates into his bag. “That’s why you already know his family.”

“That—”

“And why you’ve had him over to your place.”

“If you don’t cool your tits, I’m telling Lucy you’re crushing on her friend.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“What,” you simper, “think I won’t?”

He grabs his bag. “If you do, I’ll show her that video.”

You laugh, following him out of the rink. “You’re the worst.” You note how strange it is that he spent so little time on the ice as you two walk out, but you do not say anything about it.

“Hey, you’re the one throwing threats around.”

“Yeah,” you argue, “but my threat is clearly better.”

He rolls his eyes, pushing you again.

You two keep chatting on the way to the theatre about anything and everything, from new bands to upcoming games to the newest blockbuster horror movies. You are not personally on the hockey team, but, as his friend, it is your duty to care. Besides, you figure, it gives you something to look forward to.

The movie is fine. You convince him against sneaking an entire pizza in, you split a bucket of popcorn, and you give him shit for getting freaked out by the disembowelment scene. It is payback for him teasing you about crying during the last movie you two went to a couple of days ago.

You two stand at the streetlight.

“Dude, it’s like eight,” he groans. “It’s not even late.”

“True,” you agree. “Counterpoint: I still have another week’s worth of work to do by Friday on top of the homework I’ll have to do anyway, so unless you wanna help—”

“Forget I asked.” He pulls his hood up against the autumn wind. “Need me to walk you back?”

“Nah.” You shrug. “If someone mugs me, they’ll give me an excuse to not do my homework.”

“Murdered?

“I’m already halfway there.”

He grins. “See ya tomorrow, Y/N.”

“See ya, Jones.” You wave as he runs off.

The walk home is quiet and considerably easier than it was a couple of weeks ago. Seeing as you now get queasy whenever you get into a car, you have been limited to taking the subway and walking, which, among other things, has contributed positively to your physical strength. You know that you should probably at least try to take the bus or a cab around town to build your tolerance up, but the last time you tried, you had almost tripped and fallen from how shaky your legs were getting out. Oddly enough, you note as you go through the door, you do not have a considerably larger fear of heights than you did before, or of fire, but cars were tripping you up, even though you were the one that crashed it. You feel thankful that, at least, you do not think your fear is crippling. At least, you reason, you can still get into the car.

You lock the door behind you, debating whether you feel like adding to the collection of cuts you now possess— they are self-inflicted, but not intentionally so; you stubbornly refuse to acknowledge the fact that you physically cannot use your hands to cut things. You decide against it tonight, tossing your bag on the bed as you sprawl across it, admittedly exhausted. You allow yourself a couple of seconds with your eyes closed before you pull yourself up with a groan and get back to work.

A part of you wishes that you had the physical energy to stay out longer. You are always trying to find excuses not to sleep, and although the mountain of homework and readjusting your timelines for things you missed is certainly one way to keep yourself preoccupied, it is not exactly what you would consider fun. Then again, reliving your greatest traumas while you sleep is not exactly fun either.

You catch yourself peeling at the newly applied bandages on your fingers, fingernails catching under the crudely applied adhesives. Applying bandages properly requires more dexterity and patience than you currently possess, and you are hardly going to ask someone else for help with something as stupid as that. You have lasted this long without needing too much help. People can live by themselves. You will live, probably. Well? Not your concern.

‘I should eat something.’ Your eyes strain to focus on the piece of paper in front of you, your mind wandering aimlessly as you try to impress the actual importance of finishing this upon yourself, but you find that is an insurmountable feat.

You drop your bag off the side of the bed, reaching down and pulling your shoe off, leaning back into your pillows, the weight of the day practically immobilizing you. Fumbling hands switch the lamp off, bathing your room in momentary, blissful darkness before the gravity of your decision sets in.

“Alright, me,” you breathe to yourself. “What’s it gonna be today? My folks? Bradford? What’s his face? Hell,” you chuckle, “why not all three? I’m sadistic enough, I’m sure.”

You close your eyes. “Give me your worse,” you challenge as you slip into unconsciousness.

--

Two weeks.

He had kept his distance for about two weeks. It was not as if he did not care or was not morbidly curious what the crash had done to you—his glances through the curtains did not tell him much-- but, after some debate, he had figured you needed time to recuperate before you would want his company. Two weeks, he figured, would be enough time for you to get back on your feet or, at least, for you to start wanting company.

His excuse to see you had come in the form of his brother’s newfound prideful boasting. Feigning insult was as good an excuse as any to go see you; after all, he just so happened to be in the neighborhood anyway, and it was normal to pop in to see someone if you were already just a couple blocks down, right? Sneaking away was easy enough—they would not mind his absence—and he, after much prep work, knew exactly how and why he was going to say the things he would to get in your good favor. The plan, he knows, would have gone swimmingly.

His plans seem asinine when he hears you crying.

His brothers do not cry much. He does not, either; it was a habit that they had all thoroughly bullied themselves out of when they were much younger and, if they still did, he knew nothing of it. His master did not encourage this, per se, but talked, then, frequently about the importance of maintaining a more stoic disposition and not allowing emotions to cripple you in battle. Practically, Donatello was satisfied with that explanation, having not properly cried for more than a year now. To hear the sound again, especially coming from you, was novel.

Novel, too, is how you are crying. The sound is less of actual sobbing and more of you being strangled, quiet gasps for air escaping your lips as you shake on the bed, curled in on yourself and clutching at your chest as if whatever pain you are experiencing is centered and can be relieved by something between your collarbones. His eyes, for the first time, trace the lines on your skin, your sleeves riding up your arms to reveal them to him, tears racing down and along the gash in your face. Everything about the scene, from the soft gasping of panic to your position to the heavy scarring, is completely foreign to him, rivaled only by one or two particularly hard nights when he and his brother were much younger.

He slides in through the window, leaning onto the bed. His fingers flick your lamp back on as he grabs your shivering shoulder tightly, shaking you awake as he mumbles words of encouragement. He is not sure if his help will be appreciated, if snapping you out of it was even what he is supposed to do in this situation, but now is not the time to think of that. You are in pain. He can offer you this kindness. “Wake up,” he pleads, not thinking of how this would look until your eyes snap open to look at him.

Immediately, the reality of the situation sets in, and he scrambles off the bed. ‘Why did I think that would be a good idea?’ Panic. ‘You just walked into her room like a fucking creep. See, now she’s going to—’

“Sorry.”

He blinks, looking up at you from his place on the floor. “Huh?”

You clear your throat, wiping the tears from your eye with your sleeve quickly as you bring your knees to your chest, voice hoarse. “Sorry,” you repeat. “That you… I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for, but I know I should be apologizing.”

He is completely dumbfounded.

Your eyes glance to the open window. “I should probably start closing and locking my window, right?” You rub the back of your neck, voice clearing the longer you talk. “It didn’t occur to me since I’m so high up, but if you guys can get in, The Foot can too, right?”

‘Why is she apologizing?’

You push the hair out of your face. ‘You need something, right? I—uh—need to stop saying ‘right’ so much.” You shake your head to clear it. “’ Sup?”

He hears himself mumble some bullshit out about being in the neighborhood.

You sigh. “Sorry.” You close your eyes. “I’m usually up later; I’ve been so tired lately.”

‘Is she serious right now?’ He is completely lost. ‘She was just crying her eyes out in her sleep and now she’s apologizing? Did I miss something?’ You are smiling now, eyes still bloodshot, as if the whole thing is a figment of his imagination, still shivering where you sit.

He rises to his feet, kneeling in front of you on the bed. “What was it about?”

You blink, seemingly confused. “Huh?”

“Your nightmare,” he clarifies. “You were crying. What was it about?”

You avert eye contact. “Nothing too crazy,” you shrug. “Just about the crash. Nothing too exciting.” If possible, he thinks the bags under your eyes are worse than the last time you saw him.

He takes your hands loosely, turning them palms up to look, for the first time, at the patchwork quilt that is now your skin. “What happened in it?” He runs his thumb along the lines, keeping his voice low; he remembers how that used to help when Mikey used to have fits when they were younger. Leonardo and Raphael were never good at that; they took better to being more violently snapped out of their moods, but, then again, they never had this kind of breakdown; theirs were always more driven by loathing, self or otherwise.

You pause, still not looking him in the face as your muscles relax. He remembers, vividly, how he had done something similar when you two had first met, how much better, health-wise, you looked. ‘How long has it been since then? Three months? A little less?’

You take a deep breath. “Just… family shit,” you mumble, eyelids drooping as you trace his frame loosely. “Fire.”

Your gaze is piercing as you finally look at him properly. He feels something catch in his throat as you bow your head.

“It’s my fault, you know.” Your voice is so soft, barely a whisper. “That they’re dead, I mean.”

The air is a suffocating blanket that smothers you both.

“I never told you, did I?” Your focus does not shift as it might have a bit ago. It is locked solely and intensely on him, taking in every detail of his expression. “How I died? How they died? Why I died?”

Hesitantly, he shakes his head. He thinks it best to just be quiet and let you talk. He does not think he has ever heard anyone speak in quite the same tones, ever looked at him quite the same way you are.

You take another breath. “I wanted to try my hand at baking.” You force your eyes to stay focused on his. “I was—still am—not good about sleep. I always slept bad, and never at the right times. I used to take pills for it, to try to get myself back on track.”

He sees where this is going.

“I thought I could still stay up as late as I was used to.” You glance to the side, stealing yourself a second before focusing back on the boy in front of you. “I sat down in my room, turned on a movie. I set a timer. I fell asleep.” You swallow, hands shaking in his. “I can’t smell well, either. I must not have smelled the burning.” Your lips curl in a bitter smile. “Sure as fuck felt it, though, when I woke up.”

He lets you finish.

You try to blink the tears out of your eyes. “They were asleep,” Your voice rises ever so slightly. “I fell asleep at two something. I woke up when they started yelling.” You purse your lips, face reddening in shame as your nostrils flair. “They were trying to get someone out of bed when the roof caved in above them. My door got blocked.”

You feel yourself smile.

“So,” you strain not to cry, “that, Donatello, is why I’m here and why I’m dead, and why I really do deserve to burn again.” You laugh. “Hell, my body count is rivaling some serial killers, so that’s… that’s certainly something.”

He lets go of your hands, face blank.

You lean forward, placing your hands on your knees. “I don’t blame you,” You wipe a wayward tear out of your eyes, trying to swallow the frog in your throat. “Fuck, man, I’d think less of me, too, if it were me.” You nod towards the window. “I get it if you want to leave, but I thought you might want to know why—”

He stops you mid-sentence, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him.

Your arms lay slack at your sides as you try to process what is happening.

He does not say a word.

You break.

You burry your face into him, tears welling in your eyes as you let out a strangled sob. You hold onto him tightly as you struggle to breathe, body shaking as you wrap your own arms around him the best you can. The sound roars in your ears like thunder, the deafening quiet of the apartment punctuated only by your own cries. He gently holds you there, resting his head on top of yours. Each sound you make sounds as though you are physically being choked by your guilt, and his chest feels as though it is being crushed by an invisible hand as he listens to your pain.

Neither of you knows how long you stay like that.

He considers telling you a story from a long time ago, about some training he and his brothers had back then, but thought better of it; he does not want to upset you any more than you already are, and being in good company with someone like him may not be exactly what you need right now. Granted, he does not know what you do need, but he knows listening to him talk about bashing brains would not help your sensibilities any.

Instead, he stays quiet.

You pull away after a while, wiping your face off again as you mumble out an apology.

“Don’t apologize.” He clears his throat. “It’s good to cry; it releases endorphins.”

You smile at that. “Well,” you giggle tearfully, “if it releases endorphins.”

He smiles back, face flushing. You look good, he thinks, even with your face all red. He knows that, scientifically, there is probably a reason, but he cannot think of it right now.

He stands up. “I’ll get—”

You grab his hand tightly.

He looks back at you.

“Can I ask a favor?”

He blinks. “Of course,” he agrees easily. “Anything.”

You glance off. “Promise not to take it weird?”

He feels his heart rate increase. “Y-yeah,” he nods.

He feels you pull him gently back on the bed. “Can you stay here tonight?”

His eyes widen as they flicker between the mattress and you. “What,” he clarifies breathlessly, “like sleep with you?”

You nod.

“In the same bed?”

You hesitate, nod again.

He clears his throat, face heating again. “Like, actually?”

“If it wasn’t actually, I wouldn’t ask, would I?” You grip his hand tightly. “I just really don’t want to be alone tonight.”

‘Oh.’ He mentally kicks himself. ‘She’s scared. Don’t make her uncomfortable.’

“It’s alright if you don’t—”

He is extremely quick to reassure you that he is more than happy—‘Bad choice of wording.’—to stay tonight until you fall asleep, but that he would not stay the whole night as to not worry his brothers.

You nod in agreement. “That’s fine.” You rub the back of your neck. “Not sure I would be good company when I wake up, anyway; I still have class.”

“Oh, right.” He nods in understanding, pushing himself further onto the bed. “Which side…?”

You shrug. “Which way do you face?”

“I usually lie on my stomach.”

“Then it doesn’t matter.” You slide your sweatshirt over your head after a bit of squirming around, tossing it onto the couch.

His face is now scarlet. “Okay then,” he mumbles, laying down on the side away from the window. ‘Is she going to—no, stop that.’

You look over at him, face down on the mattress. You can almost feel the heat coming off him. “Are you alright there, buddy?”

He nods.

You shrug, laying down under the blanket and curling into him, facing the window. “Mind getting the light?”

He reaches over, clicking it off.

You sigh in content, turning to face him, teetering on the edge of the mattress. “I’m not venomous,” you inform him teasingly. “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: of the two of us, you should not be the one who’s a nervous wreck.”

“You dunno that.” His voice is muffled by the bed.

“You’re the strong one,” you argue.

“So?” He turns his head to look at you. “I’m the guy laying in the—I’m just gonna stop that sentence.”

“It’s only bad if it isn’t consensual.” You smile reassuringly. “I invited you to lay with me, right? So, unless I make you uneasy, then we’re all good.”

He breaks eye contact. “So,” he clarifies, “you don’t mind if I move closer to you?”

You shake your head.

He hesitantly slides himself further onto the bed. “Can I move closer than this?”

“You’ve already seen me bawl my eyes out. You’re doing me a service. Move as close or as far as you want.”

He moves to press his side against you. “Is this fine?”

You nod. “Look, how about this?” You rest your arm under your head. “If you do something I’m uncomfortable with, the safe word is pina colada.”

‘We already have a safe word?’ He was not sure if he is on cloud nine or just terrified of you.

You are very confused why he looks so warm. “Do you need me to turn the AC on?”

He shakes his head. “I’m good,” he assures you tightly. Slowly, he reached an arm out and over your waist, pulling you closer. You do not seem to resist in any way, wrapping your good leg around one of his to pull him closer.

‘Conscious touching.’ He glances down at you, trying to act cool. ‘Conscious, intentional touching. She smells so nice and she feels—okay, this is not going to work if you keep being a perv.’

“Thanks,” you mumble, humming softly. “I appreciate this more than you know.”

Cloud nine. Definitely on cloud nine.

“Every time.”

You giggle.

He blinks. “What?”

“Every time,” you note, already nodding off. “Like in that book.”

‘Which one?’ “They wrote it down for a reason, right?” The longer he spends like this, the smoother he feels.

“Totally.” You smile, closing your eyes. “Just know that this goes both ways, alright? If you ever need help like this, you know who to call.”

This is new. ‘Help like this? What, like crying?’ His eyebrows furrow as he tries to understand what you mean. ‘Or he means if I ever need company in my—what did I just say?’

You pick up on his confusion. “Emotional help, I mean.” Your fingers trace the indentations in his shell absentmindedly. “I mean, I know sometimes I didn’t want to go to my family about stuff. I dunno if you have that…” you trail off, realizing that you might be unintentionally bashing his brothers. You sincerely do not want to blow this.

“I mean,” he says after a bit, “I think I get what you’re talking about.” He sighs. “You mean stuff that they’d make fun of me for, right?”

You nod.

He feels his heart melt a little. “I’ll have to take you up on that.”

You forgot how safe he makes you feel. “Goodnight, Donnie,” you mumble sleepily.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You pass out not long after that. If he has to estimate a general amount of time, he will clock it in at about five minutes. He does not move, however, until about thirty minutes before sunrise, too busy listening to the sound of your breathing and memorizing how exactly your body feels next to his. As he slips out of the window, early morning air waking him back up completely, he wonders if, someday, he could stay to see you wake up next to him. Not out of necessity, but just because you both wanted to stay like that for a while more.

‘I hope so. It’s a nice dream to have, anyhow.’

Table of Contents

Chapter 9

Chapter 11

[justpeachii]

Pairing: Sugawara Koushi x Female Reader 

Summary: After getting bored with your love life, you download one of those silly dating apps. However, things don’t go as planned, leaving you crying in your best friends arms.

Genre: College AU (Juniors), angst, comfort, platonic, mutual pining but both are dumb, kind of a cliche ending but :’)

Warnings: profanity and that is all.

Word Count: 3.2 K

Author’s Note: hello! This is my first fic here on the good ole tumblr and i hope you enjoy it! This was very much (sadly) based off of real life events and really just something i wanted to write to get my feelings out. i do suggest listening to the little playlist below while reading because not only were they what i listened to while writing, but also what got me through it (along with some great friends). Also uh… i didn’t expect this to be this long hehe YIKES. Anyways, enjoy! (also i’m SORRY TENDO he got the short end of the stick 😭 i’ll make it up i swear)

also tagging the lovely @noya-sannnn​ !! who inspired me to write this!!

Playlist

blame game (acoustic) by mxmtoon

Grow As We Go by Ben Platt

dream of you (acoustic) by mxmtoon

did it to myself by orla gartland 

ready now by dodie 

Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray

Late nights were always the worst. Between the endless torrent of thoughts or the overwhelming amount of homework, sleep was a luxury you could hardly afford. Afterall, juggling not only 18 credit hours of classes, a part-time job, and work projects for your major was not the norm, but for you, it was. 

Not only was sleep something you often overlooked, but love was as well. That is until one night you decided to download one of those silly dating apps on one of those late nights. After choosing a few of your best selfies and creating a fun little bio, you got to swiping.

Left. Left. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Pause. Right.

It’s a Match!

After a moment of hesitation, you closed out of the message prompt, continuing to swipe and scroll before feeling the weight of sleep upon your eyelids. 

It had been two months since matching with Tendo Satori. Two months full of laughter, late nights at each other’s apartments, and confessions of love. Or at least what you thought was love. What started as a spark had grown to the size of a wildfire, burning inside your chest. A newfound love so strong it made your heart ascend to the highest of places.

However, what goes up must come down. 

While you would like to believe it was sudden, all the warning signs were there. Him growing distant, opening texts but not responding, cancelling plans last minute; the list goes on. The one thing that was sudden was the text you received before class.

Of course this would happen to you fifteen minutes before a two hour lecture. The last thing you would want to see: a paragraph of half-assed excuses followed up by “i just don’t think im ready for a relationship”.

You wanted to scream, throw your phone against the concrete, cause a scene, but you didn’t. As the tears began to flow, you scrolled on your phone for your most trusted friend, pressing on the call button next to their name. 

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Y/n? Don’t you have class soon? What’s going on?”

At this point, you were holding back sobs, voice coming out in a quiet whisper as you held the phone to your ear with a shaking hand.

“Suga… I have class in a few, but I- he-” you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words. What would you tell him after all? While you and Tendo had never put a label on it, it still felt like a break-up. 

“He? Y/n, are you okay?” There was a faint rustle on his end of the line, the sound of him putting his shoes on. “Can you take a few breaths for me? Take your time, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” 

Doing as he said, you took a few snot-filled breaths before managing to get the tears to stop falling. While you did so, you found a spot outside the lecture hall, sitting beneath a tree and leaning your head against its trunk, letting your eyes close. 

“He ended it. Tendo… He texted me saying all this stuff of how he was sorry for pushing me away and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.” You said in a firm voice. It was as if you were willing yourself to be strong for his sake, not wanting to worry him more than he was. 

There was a pause from Sugawara as he processed what you had just said. When he spoke, his tone was bitter, one you rarely heard.  

“That piece of shit. Over a text! He didn’t have the decency to call you or, hell, even set up a dinner or something!” He gave a sigh followed by a beat of silence. “I’m so sorry, Y/n… I know it is probably the dumbest question to ask, but are you okay?”

“Not really, but I have to be since I have class in,” you glanced at your watch, groaning, “six minutes. I don’t really want to go, I just want to go home, curl up in my blanket, and cry.”

While your heart was breaking over some boy you had known for a couple of months, Sugawara Koushi’s was breaking for you. Not only was he your closest friend since you transferred to the same university, he was also head-over-heels for you. When you mentioned to him the dates, he feigned happiness for your sake, supporting you through all of it. Now, hearing you in shambles on the other end of the phone made him want to run to you, pull you into an embrace, and give you the world.

Sadly, he couldn’t do what he wished. He knew your professor had a strict attendance policy, which meant that you would have to sit in class for two hours with a broken heart. Two hours for him to prepare as much of the world as he could. 

“I know this is one of the last things you want to hear right now, Y/n, but I know it will get better. If your professor didn’t have such a stick up his butt you would be able to skip without a problem.” As your friend spoke, the tears began to fall once more, your free hand coming up to swipe them away. 

“I know it won’t be for another two hours, but after your class, do you want to come over and we can have a movie night? We don’t have to talk about anything, just watch Tangled or Your Name.”

It took you a minute to find your voice once more, the ball of despair tight in your throat, leaving you to silently nod. Then you find your voice.

“I’d like that, Suga… I’d love it, in fact. I just… I don’t want to be alone tonight, but I also don’t want to bother you and I know-”

“You know you’re never a bother. Trust me, Y/n. After class, come over to my place. You can have my bed and I’ll take the couch.” His voice cut you off from finishing your thought, leaving your lips parted with an apology, a breath falling out in its place.

For the first time in the past nine minutes, you smiled. It wasn’t much, but Sugawara could hear it in your voice from the other side as you whispered, “Okay. Thank you, Suga. I love you, you know?” 

“I love you, too.” His own face was graced with a smile, though behind it he held all his emotions. How he wished to hear those words uttered in a non-platonic way. “Now get to class before you’re late! I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

While you were busy in class, both from note taking, group discussions, and trying your best to not break down any minute, Sugawara was busy in his own way. As soon as the phone call ended, he was out the door, making his way to the nearest convenience store, buying the essentials for healing a broken heart. Four pints of ice cream, a mix of his favorite flavors and yours, a couple bags of chips, some candy, and even a new stuffed teddy bear later, he was checking out, checking his phone constantly for the time, in case he had spent more time than he thought.

With his bags in hand, he made his way back to his apartment, getting everything set up for the movie night. While it wasn’t going to be a joyous occasion, he wanted it to have a happier atmosphere than what the topic of discussion would be. He placed the bags of chips and candy on the coffee table, the teddy bear placed between them; ice cream in the freezer for future consumption. Once the snacks were in place, he began to gather the softest blankets, grabbing your favorite along the way. 

Every time you would come over, no matter the temperature outside, he would find you curled up in it. One finals week while the two of you were cramming for an exam the next morning, he found you dozed off at the coffee table, the same fuzzy grey blanket wrapped around your shoulders. He even took a picture of you, asleep with your cheek in hand, other hand slack from writing notes that had since been abandoned. You still didn’t know about the picture to this day, but it was one he cherished. 

Time seemed to pass quickly as he finished getting everything together, not realizing the time until you knocked at his door. Answering it within seconds, he gave you a gentle smile, opening his arms for a hug he knew you desperately needed. That was all it took for the dam to break once more. As your arms wrapped around him, the tears fell in steady streams onto his t-shirt. 

His hands rubbed soothing circles on your back as he slowly shuffled backwards, pulling you two past the threshold, allowing him to close the door behind you. One hand rested on the back of your head, holding you close to his chest, the other in the middle of your back. The two of you stood there for what seemed like hours before you lifted your head, eyes red and puffy. Sugawara’s hand moved from the back of your head to hold your face, wiping away any remaining tears.

“Sorry for soaking your shirt.” you said with a small laugh, as you finally met his gaze. Warm, brown eyes full of nothing but comfort and safety met yours. There was a soft smile on his lips, while it was kind, it held a hint of sadness. 

“Don’t worry, I like my shirts soggy.” He said with a chuckle of his own. After making sure your face was dry of any tears, he nodded towards the living room. “Now come on, I have a little surprise for you!” 

After slipping your shoes off, you followed him into the living room, spotting the assortment of treats, along with the teddy bear. You swore you were done crying, but a few tears found their way out once more, but this time for a different reason. As you made your way to the coffee table, Sugawara disappeared to the kitchen, grabbing two pints of ice cream and spoons. When he reappeared, you were already curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, bear in your lap, and a few tears rolling down your face.

“You really didn’t have to do all of this, Suga. A movie and talking would have been just fine,” you said as he sat down next to you handing off your chosen flavor and spoon. He scoffed at your remark, gesturing with his spoon.

“And just fine isn’t good enough! No one deserves to be broken up with through a text. Especially you, Y/n. Why, the next time I see him, he better watch his back.” He said, his glare pointed off to the side.

“There will be no fighting him, okay? Physical or verbally. What happened is… What happened. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming when I could have if I just looked.” You said, opening up the pint and taking a spoonful. With a small huff, he copied your motions, a beat of silence falling between the two of you. 

The lull in conversation lasted for a little while as neither knew what to say. You didn’t want to speak anymore on what had happened, but it was eating away at you. Sugawara could tell it was, so finally he spoke, clearing his throat before doing so.

“I’ll listen,” he said, his gaze meeting yours. The look you gave him was almost that of a puppy that had been scolded. Hurt. Sad. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. You can tell me everything, okay?”

The two of you sat in silence for a minute more before he decided to put on a movie, filling the void. By the halfway point, the two of you had finished your pints, the cartons since abandoned on the coffee table. The other snacks are left untouched. Finally, you turn towards him and take a deep breath.

“I’m ready now.”

Those three words were all it took for him to pause the movie and shift to face you. For the next two hours, you spilled your emotions to him, both the highs and lows of the two month endeavor. At some point, he had pulled you into his arms and between his legs, his back against the arm of the couch with you on his chest. Your tears soaked his shirt once more as his hands ran up and down your back. Soon, you found yourself asleep in his embrace, exhausted from emotions.

Sugawara looked down at your finally peaceful face, cheeks stained from tears. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the crown of your head, closing his eyes as he silently prayed he would never see you like this again. 

After that night, you and Sugawara started to spend more time together. Not only for study nights, but weekly movie watch nights, daily lunch meet-ups, and impromptu ice cream runs. 

The three months leading up to finals left your old feelings to return, but somehow stronger. While you had gotten over Tendo rather quickly (and likewise with him. Not a week after your “break up” he was in a relationship with someone else) you didn’t want to admit your feelings for your best friend. At least that was the plan until a particularly late night study session that had you banging your head against a textbook that lay on the coffee table. 

“You know you can’t actually cram the information into your memory, right?” Sugawara said with a chuckle. You groaned in response, wadding up a piece of paper and throwing it at him. He batted it away swiftly, leaning on his elbows.

“I know that, but what I don’t know is how I’m expected to memorize all of these algorithms in order to pass!” You whined, giving up as you flopped onto your back, tugging the blanket that was around your shoulders closer. From his spot across the table, Sugawara continued to type away on his laptop, stifling a yawn. 

Laying there, you looked up at the ceiling, thinking back over the past few months. Your mind wandered back to that one terrible day and the lengths that Sugawara had gone through to make sure you were alright. It brought a smile to your face as you closed your eyes, giving a soft sigh. This caught the grey-haired boy’s attention, looking away from his work to see you with the dumbest grin on your face. He couldn’t help his own from pulling at his lips.

“What are you thinking about over there? Doesn’t seem like it’s math by the smile on your face.” 

“You.”

Caught off guard, he blinked a few times before responding. You, however, hadn’t realized what you had said just yet. While it wasn’t wrong, it was very bold.

“Me? What about me?” He asked, his curiosity overpowering his nerves for the time being.

“How you surprised me that one night. Ice cream, snacks, a teddy bear… Your smile, how much you always seem to make me laugh, you good of a hugger you are… How much I think I love you.” As you listed things off, you grew quieter and quieter, your voice a whisper by the end. 

Sugawara’s heart felt like it had just gotten done running sprints after losing a match back in high school. He felt his cheeks flush as he shifted to better look over the table at you. Never had you said you loved him outside of a friendly manner and here you were, on his living room floor confessing your love for him. 

“You think… You love me, Y/n?” The breath that he had been holding exhaled in a sigh afterwards, only to be replaced with another as he waited for you to respond. 

It was then that you realized what you had said. Immediately, you felt your cheeks flush as you sat up with wide eyes, abandoning the blanket on the floor. Looking like a deer in the headlights, you searched his face for a sign of anything. What you found were cheeks as red as your own, a hint of excitement behind his eyes, and a semi-confused look plastered on his face. You felt it was as good a time as any to get it off the table. Taking a deep breath, you nodded.

“I do, Suga. And I have since the first semester of sophomore year and I never told you because I didn’t think you felt the same way or that things would get a little awkward between the two of us. I tried to just push the feelings away or ignore them, hoping they would go away, but they didn’t and I was too dumb to say anything.”

In the silence that followed, you prepared yourself for the worst. However, the worst didn’t come. Instead, a small string of laughter fell from his lips as the corners of his eyes crinkled, a bright smile lighting up his face. 

“Then we are both dumb, Y/n! I did all of those things for you that night because not only are you my best friend, but I truly do love you. It hurt seeing you like that and I knew I couldn’t tell you how I felt because it wasn’t right.” 

Letting out a sigh of relief, you moved back to the coffee table, placing your elbows on it before laying your hands flat on the surface. Soon, his hands found yours, thumb brushing against the back of your hands. With a small laugh, you gave a small shrug.

With a breathy laugh, you responded, “Even so, why didn’t either of us say something sooner! Then we would have avoided all of that to begin with.” 

Sugawara just shook his head, giving your hands a tight squeeze. “True, but that was the past. Where we are now is where we were meant to be. Like I told you, it got better.”

“It did, and it was all because of you.” Turning your hands over in his, you gave them a gentle squeeze, to which he returned.

“I love you, Y/n”

“I love you, too, Suga.”

[vampanic]

okay here’s what i remember from THE CON

i can’t remember if the ticket was cheap or pricey. i don’t know why. i wanna say it was more expensive or of equal value to a bigger con and i justified it to my parents and myself because it was the first one. but i went because i thought the idea of a con that was centered on the various fandoms popular on this site at the time was a genuinely neat idea. i also thought, okay let me just go because it’s another one to attend.

i should note: that have been to a lot conventions in my time. i’ve been to acen twice i think? i’ve been to nebkon twice. sadly i have never been to c2e2 or flashback chicago (which i may never get to go to now whoops) and i’ve been to wizard world chicago i wanna say 4 times?

now at these cons (mostly wizard world) these fandoms aren’t as present. in fact, the main demo of that con was adult to middle age to older visitors as well as families, so usually teens and young adults would find each other at this con (whether planned ahead or by accident there) and freak the fuck out over our cosplays or mutual love of whatever.

so because of this again the idea of a t.umblr con was exciting to me, even though i was already at the end of being interested in those fandoms (as i’m sure most people were at the time)

okay so first, this con was far. wizard world and acen are held at the rosemont convention center which while kind of far from where i live, is accessible by train via downtown or via one of chicago’s big airports. i always got a ride though which with summer traffic, took forever. so much like that this con was a journey away.

the hotel the con choose i remember thinking it seemed new, but it was far from where i lived which inpacted the amount of time i spent at the con and the decision to only go two days (i didn’t return the last day because it was a shit show)

i went to this con by myself because i think at this point i had already had a falling out with my friend who i went to cons in the area with (she did not attend that i know of). i wore two cosplays that i had made already for other things, gwen stacy and america chavez. this would have been the ideal place for me to cosplay something more niche, but i just didn’t care that much about it. maybe i didn’t think it was worth it at the time since it wasn’t going to be a big con.

so i get there and there’s no long line to get my badge in fact i don’t even remember a line at all. which, for me, was bizarre. every con i’ve been to before had huge lines even on off hours to get badges. but whatever. i cant remember if where i got my badge was in the the same room as where the ball pit was or not. but yes, i did go into the ball pit and i was silly in it with some other people because

idk you see a ball pit you go in the ball pit? in hindsight i know it’s not acceptable to have this at a con, but shit i guess i was high on life at the time. someone took a pic of me in the pit, but i have never seen it.

i remember seeing some very impressive cosplays at this con. i also bought some really great art in the dealers room which was small. (here’s the artist. also this was nonfandom art. i don’t remember buying anything else from anyone because i don’t think i saw anything i liked/could afford) there was no unlicensed night vale merch sold here that i remember, but i do remember receiving free unlicsenced night vale like pamphlets from a random vendor and also  there was a vendor who was giving away a large piece of night vale fan art with a purchase of over something dollars i dont remember.

panels: i don’t remember there being many panels or even very interesting panels. panels i remember going to include: bisexuality in media/bisexuality representation (which was put on by the bisexualbooks tumblr), ask an avenger (which was put on by various marvel cosplayers), and a panel that was about female characters in supernatural (i was a spn stan back in the day jsyk).

the bi one was good. i remember it being the most like a panel that you’d go to at a larger convention. they had slides and info and they took questions and had several speakers.

the avengers one was what we’d call today “cringey” but it was cute. it was exactly what it sounds like. avengers cosplayers sat up on a stage answering questions in character. i believe that all the cosplayers had rp and/or ask blogs which is why they were chosen.

the supernatural panel was, like the bi one, complete with slides and various speakers, but from what i remember it was mostly going down the list of female characters in the show. i remember from the fandom that there a good chunk of people who love the characters, but they’re often killed off or abandoned and this is something a lot of fans did have gripes with. this is gonna sound fake when i say it, but this did happen, we got to charlie and someone said “yeah i like charlie she’s cool because she’s a lesbian but she doesn’t act like one like she’s still feminine” and i spoke up and said “well yeah it’s cool she’s a lesbian, but what do you mean she doesn’t act like one. like queer female character shouldn’t have to be feminine to be seen as good rep.” and people clapped. i know that sounds fake, but please believe me because this is a setting where people are inclined to clap when they agree with statements. people clapped at others too.

i also attended the costume contest, the night vale panel, and the meet and greet with doug jones.

the contest was fine. there was one individual at this con who i can’t name because i didnt know their name, but they cosplayed as ed from edd ed and eddy and they were in character the whole time to the point of discomfort. it wasn’t just for the contest i found myself in a cards against humanity game that they were in and it was even there and it was weird.

then the night vale panel happened and ooooooooohhhh boy

this was the most filled room in the whole con. a main reason i went to this con was to see them and im pretty sure this was everyone’s main reason to go. i known someone from other cons who came from florida to see this. (fun fact: we were mutuals on various platforms and had hung out at various cons and i knew their name, but they could not remember mine and i thought that was bogus so i ghosted them. dont know if i was justified in that but whatever)

so here we all were waiting. for over an hour. during this time people talked and i remember someone cosplaying the glow cloud went up and down the isle with a little glow cloud baby in a stroller and we all laughed and cheered. people started playing card games. we kept busy. for me though.

this was one of the most boring cons i’ve been to honestly. i’m having trouble remember a lot of it and that’s because i went solo. i had no friends there. i cosplayed gwen from like the 60s and this was before spidey joined the mcu and before itsv was a thing so spidey was basically an niche fandom (i was active in the tasm and dane deha.an fandoms at this time and the latter became toxic as fuck but that’s a whole other story) or something older comic fans liked.

my other cosplay was america chavez from young avengers which never got that popular either (though kate bishop and kid loki where more recognized, but for their connection to bigger marvel names). so it wasn’t like other cons where my cosplay was an ice breaker and i could join groups. i was alone.

so a lot of the con for that reason was awkward and waiting for night vale was like being the person texting in the corner at a distant relative’s party because they know no one.

so they finally come on stage to say that night vale will not be performing and people went ballistic people were shouting and the person said “we have doug jones in the next hall you should go over to that” and someone yelled “WE DON’T WANT TO SEE HIM”

i went to see doug jones and i was previously unaware of what his name was but i knew who he was. he talked about his work and acting process and did a meet and greet after. mr. jones was a delight and i’m wondering how they even got him there in the first place. he was leagues above this. 

i had to leave the con early that day to go to my brother’s football game, but i believe that was the night they “protested” at the con and i kept seeing on tumblr that it was cancelled. i decided not to go back the next day because i was unsure of what was happening and because it was too far.

and the rest is history. i’m sure i went to other panels, but i can’t remember them. i do remember going into the room where they were watching pacific rim, but it was on a shitty projection screen and i wanted to go to a panel instead.

it’s shitty what happened with the con. and a lot of the unrest came from literal teens who were cheated from money who didn’t know how to act, but all the responsibility goes to the people who organized it poorly. The concept of a tu.mblr con i don’t think should have been inherently bad. i think it would have been cool to have a con that focused on more niche interests. but shouldn’t have been as big as they wanted it to be for the first go.

anyway that’s most of what i can remember. it’s kind of blur because i spent most of it by myself and there wasn’t much to do so i didn’t even spend the whole day there.

quite frankly, i’m glad i wasn’t there when they started singing les mis because i have no idea how i would have acted.

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[neverstcpdreaming]

⌞ʾ⁎ ⊰ henry golding, cis male, he/him ⊱ i think i just saw CHRISTIAN HART walk across trafalgar square, singing to ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE ( THE BEATLES  ). you know, the TWENTY-NINE year old PLAYWRIGHT ? people claim that they are just like CHRISTIAN from MOULIN ROUGE. it must be because they are PASSIONATE and IDEALISTIC as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at PETERSBURG apartment.  { fie, twenty-two, gmt+1, she/her }⌝

ₒ°♢ — here’s intro number two, a bit on the late side, which i apologize for. again, don’t hesitate to hit me up on discord ( mapsofstars#1350 ) or tumblr im’s if you want to plot !

ₒ°♢ — 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓼

NAME/NICKNAMES: christian hart

ALIAS: 

AGE: twenty-nine

PREFERRED PRONOUNS: he/him

MUSICAL: moulin rouge

FACECLAIM: henry golding

ₒ°♢ — 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓵𝓼

christian grew up in the south of great britain in an upper class family. he’s the only child of two university professors: his dad being specialized in mathematics, his mom in physics.

pretty much as soon as he could read, christian spent a lot of after-school hours at the library, not gravitating towards lame science books since there already were big shelves of those at home. no, christian was way more interested in the classics of literature. he would devour book after book, and when he was old enough, he started taking interest in poetry and theatre. he became fascinated by the exceptional love stories authors of any time would write about, whether it was in books, poems, plays or songs.

christian was definitely that quiet boy in the back of the class that had a crush on almost every single girl at school growing up, but he was always way too shy to confess it to them ( bless him, i can relate very very much ). throughout the years, he got a bit more assertive, though, and let’s be honest, he became a very good looking man.

life was pretty easy for christian, except for the fact that he had specific ideas about his future that his parents ( especially his father ), did not agree with. after seeing the most incredible play at the local theatre on a school trip, christian decided that’s what he wanted to do with his life. he wanted to become a writer and one day, he would see his own creations, his own plays on the scene. his father, convinced this was just a phase, sent his son off to one of the most prestigious colleges to study engineering. understandably, this did not last long, as christian quit and dropped out of college after less than a year. feeling desperate, he left home after very heated argument between him and his dad. taking all his savings with him, christian took a train to london in hope to finally meet some like-minded people, people who would get it. he was convinced london would bring him infinite writing muse, happiness and perhaps even great love while he was at it. 

being short on money, christian decided to look for someone that needed a roommate to split the rent, and so that’s how he very quickly met toulouse and his friends, the other bohemians. these struggling artists have been his squad ever since then.

christian hasn’t had much success these past couple of years. he struggles finding investors for his work and had to find another job to pay his bills. ironically, he wasn’t able to convince the theatre to perform his plays, but they did hire him to sell tickets. as for love ? he had one short relationship, but it was mutually ended without bad blood ( feel free if you’re interested in this little connection ). christian didn’t let it get to him -- this person wasn’t his soulmate anyway. they both knew it. his soulmate was still out there.

the weird thing is, this all hasn’t discouraged christian even slightly. he’s still the same man, looking at life through rose-colored glasses, taking it as it goes and trying to pursue his dreams ( his newest project has the working title spectacular spectacular, if anyone wanted to know ). this is as admirable as it is odd. feel like a lot of people who would meet christian would think he’s odd for having such unrealistic, high ideals, especially when it comes to love and romance. he needs some realist people in his life to tell him life is not a fairy tale -- however, that’s what his dad always told christian and that message never got through to him.

[bugli-bugli]

TW: insults towards depression and anxiety, toxic behavior, father/parent mention, trauma discussion, self-harm mention, suicide idealization

just a rant because im just too fucking tired of the bullshit of other sites.

i’ve really taken for granted how non-toxic tumblr is in the nice little corner i’ve tucked myself into. since i’m pretty desperate for money, cause now i think ill just have to live off disability if i can even get it.

I gotta say my mutuals and the people who reblogged my donation post, im so fucking grateful for you and i cant thank you enough. but besides the point, rant.

posted my donation post on twitter and later reddit, like the naive fool i am. the first comment i got on the twitter one was very homophobic and the guy was just an overall creep upon a quick look on his tumblr. i responded to him but immediately deleted it cause i knew thats all he wanted was to make me angry. think i was able to get him banned but fuck if i know.

this is more about the lovely reddit post i got

sigh im not going to bother replying and i just reported them, but i wanted to get out of me all the shit i wanted to say. just, first of all i know trolls and shit just do this to get attention, but this on the fucking r/donate subreddit like??? why isn’t it moderated better?? besides the point

i dont care if you believe my donation post is a scam, whatever, believe what you want and move on. i understand there is a lot of people out there trying to get money they can easily get themselves, instead they take it from goodhearted people.

you need to grow the fuck up. i redirect back at this person because, you spent your time, what? hating on a post that might be a scam. and they regularly do this to from just a quick look. so immature and annoying. this hurts so fucking much to hear too cause it strikes a perfect nerve of trauma.

anxiety and depressions are perfectly valid reasons to not be able to hold down a job. they sound like my fucking dad. i have panic attacks when people raise their voice or if there is too much going on around me, like tvs and crowds and what not.

ive mostly been sleeping lately and cant even make myself do simple physical tasks. not just because of my depression but because of my chronic joint pain that i still haven’t fucking got working medication for yet.

plus i have 472147921 other disorders that i havent been able to get diagnosed or help yet because of my stupid fucking parents. who finally are getting me help after years upon years of having obvious mental issues. ONLY BECAUSE a big argument that my sister had to speak for me in, because i went nonverbal and was hysterically laughing because my dad denying he called me fat.

but yeah i cant even brush my teeth, or shower, the only hygiene habits i have are because if i didnt do them my brain would make me have a panic attack or some intrusive thoughts of self harm.

how is it fucking entitled to ask strangers to donate, H O W? i dont think i deserve this, i dont think that im better then other people, im posting this because others who are in similar/worse situations posting donation posts gave me the confidence to do so.

yes im so entitled to be begging on my hands and knees for money because capitalism and my body and mind are working against me. im not even saying HEY DONATE AND IF YOU DONT DONATE YOU ARE A FUCKING HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. or anything even remotely close to that.

i gave the needed information and background as to why we would need money, and why we struggle to get it ourselves. and asked that people at least share, but there is no obligation to go any of these things.

i know i cant live my entire life on freelance transcription but it is LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB I CAN GET. yeah just simply go out and get a real job, because you can totally form sentences around strangers and dont feel like you are going to throw up from anxiety. its not that hard.

i totally have the endurance to do whatever it is necessary in whatever shitty ass 8 hour shift job i could get, because every step i take doesn’t physically hurt. because after walking too much, my knees wont give out ever, that never happens. because i dont have a fear of failure because my dad totally didn’t get mad at me when i took to long to learn something. i have no trauma related to that at all. im a totally capable human being. 

all of these last two paragraphs are sarcasm btw if that wasn’t obvious

i dont even know what couch sufing on craigslist even is. i had to look it up. how is that advice, how. oh yeah just live on other peoples couches, people you dont even know. thats not dangerous at all like HUH?!?! fuck no. if i wanted to get myself killed id do it myself.

also shelters are totally safe, and never have any issues whatsoever. i didnt ask for fucking advice that was going to make our situation worse you p.o.s.

also i know what im fucking doing, im researching and trying to make the most feasible and realistic plan to leave. even if that is i have freelance transcribing jobs and disability and my sister has whatever job and my so probably in the same boat as me. im not just going to move out without the needed things unless i was kicked out. which, as of the moment, none of us are currently at risk of that, yet.

if it really came down to it where Brutus would need to be rehomed, we’d probably do it. but he means so fucking much to us, we dont want to rehome him because we dont have anyone we can fucking trust to take care of him and we arent just going to give him away to whoever. Brutus and my pets and my sisters are all part of our family, and we aren’t just going to fucking give them away.

whatever, the rage is gone, im tired and i want to cry, this wasn’t posted for attention or anything i just wanted to rant. please dont leave negative comments im not in the goddamned mood.

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

Some “Swordsmithing For Beginners And Experts” replies!

Tumblr really doesn’t seem to want me to reply to post and reblog comments, but here are some long overdue ones, as best as I could manage. Thank you all so much! As I’ve said before, this fic was kind of a big deal for me personally for a variety of reasons, so engagement with it really makes me happy - especially since, in my experience anyway, Bismuth-centric and Bismuth-heavy content tends to overall get a somewhat lower amount of activity.

tymp3st replied:

Ahhhhhhhh This was great, just Pearl and Bismuth and the huge divide between what was and what can be. That distance between them when Bismuth was brought back again and how quickly they start patching it up again. This is so sweet.

The distance and the patching up was something I really wanted to have work in that last big segment, so I’m really glad to hear this. These two and their relationship steeped in a shared complicated and often burdensome but also valued history is something I really love, and loved exploring here, and I especially loved giving them that promise of a future, they deserve it so much.

dontmindmeoverherejustreblogging replied:

That’s gay!! And incredible

Thank you! I am glad I was able to accomplish both.

@earthsgayestdefender replied:

#OATHHHH AAAA #IM CRY8NG AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE THIS SO SI SO MUCH #EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED IN A BISPEARL FIC

#iLL LEAVE MORE COMMEBTS IN AO3 TOMORROW BC ITS 1 AM BUT NO REGRETS READING THIS

You left me a whole entire novel and hit the AO3 comment character limit twice, I love you, bless. I still need to go through the whole thing and reply properly, bit by bit, because it’s an absolute GIFT and a fic writer’s dream, but I have to highlight:

Agreed. Co-signed. Valid.

@ohtakudesu replied:

#Bispearl   #HI I LOVE THIS AND AM DECEASED   #spent the last few hours on the bispearl discord reeling over this fic   #I don't even read fics that often but op this is fucking great   #thank you for my life and my soul   #added ten years to my life just now op

Speaking of other platforms... you bet I saved those discord comments into a doc for easier access for cheer-up reading during crappy days. THANK.

@jeejyboard replied:

#bispearl #it's good fic brent #this shit kills me like how much yearning can you fit into one tiny little wispy lesbian #bismuth is a little more explicable but still it's a stretch

Jeej my pal my bro your comments never fail to kill me.

@alliealliealcomfree replied:

# this is amazing! # i love how these two interact #and the mixed feelings about Rose #and the history between them #Bismuth and Pearl are so cute together

I will have you know that “mixed feelings about Rose” is the title of my hot new mix(hahah)tape, check it out.

(There is no mixtape, I’m sorry, only the sound of my tears.)

When that Dove short came out with the “I value our history” bit I just about ascended.

@nacrepearl replied:

#wow i LOVE BISMUTH AND PEARL #thanks oath for this life giving word meal

Bispearl content isn’t super abundant and I’m a great proponent of MAKE IT YOURSELF so I had to. I just had to. It took me a while but I did it, and I am glad I did. And I’m really glad you liked it.

@ajora replied:

#this is absolutely lovely to read all-together #and you know me I'm always down for examining Rose's effects on everyone around her #otp otp otp #ALSO: I was hardly suffering jsyk #ALSO: I do like the section naming scheme

I’m glad to hear it holds up as a whole even after me sending it to you rather piecemeal over the past few... who even knows how long. The section naming is legit one of my favourite things about the fic personally, hah, I am proud of it to a rather silly extent.

@starsailorstories replied:

Not only is this that sweet, sweet Bispearl/Bismuth being loved and appreciated content, I'd like to present you with your lifetime achievement award for contributions to the field of gem hurt-comfort

Also: THE SECTION TITLES????? THE WORDPLAY????? I'M HOPPING UP AND DOWN

Not done gushing, I love the way you write Bismuth dialogue, it's so like...brisk and jaunty with just the right edge to it but always coming from that gooey center of the team place. I love it I love her

I am extremely honoured by that award, especially coming from you!

And yes! It’s a BISMUTH fic we need to have that proper wordplay as well as horribly cheesy puns in there! And as a BISPEARL fic it is absolutely necessary to include communicating concepts via relating them to swords and the making thereof. It’s the rules.

Bismuth, I feel, has a very distinct voice AND attitude AND way of expressing herself in general, even as we haven’t yet had the chance to spend as much time with her as some other characters, and getting it down right was very important to me. And there’s stuff like her being noticeably less literal than other Gems, and more prone to using both Gem and human idioms (and as evidenced by her pep talk to Steven in Legs, savvy enough to be able to switch between them at will). Speaking of pep talks, she’s an absolute master there and I love her. I believe Ian JQ said that “gooey center of the team” line on the Bismuth podcast ep and I am forever grateful to him.

Also just. Here, a random moment I just thought of that got me all feelsy. Look at her lovingly and longingly looking out at her friends and waiting to be reunited with them. That really tiny smile. I love her.

And this moment that breaks my heart into tiny pieces, when she was convinced she’d blown her second chance and that the people she so loves and who she was prepared to go to such great lengths for don’t want her around anymore:

Nng. Just. So much about her is related to loyalty and community and mutual support and she is so full of love and goopy feelings, while at the same time absolutely being loud and brash and a damn legit fighter and passionate revolutionary, with a definite edge and a large well of (absolutely righteous imo) anger, and she will destroy you if you endanger what she stands for and who she stands with. And the damn “she chooses to build up people instead of building palaces” metaphor that I shall continue to put into everything Bismuth-related I produce as long as I live. I love that. I love her so much.

Aaaaanyway, moving on from that little digression, I’m also flattered by the displays of faith in me, like seeing a reblog tagged with (cheers @altostratusplunge, whom tumblr now won’t let me tag, great):

#i havent read it #will read afyer rebloggimg #but i trust you as a writer and i bet this is gonna be so Good

Trust is a rare and precious commodity and I will have you know I am touched.

Once again, a great big thank you to everyone!

[maknaesdancersrappers]

devoted.

Jung Jaehyun || yandere!au(ish?), thriller(???), smut (im sure about this one lol), cursing, some pretty dark shit is under that keep reading line

word count: 9k

devoted masterlist

T R I G G E R  W A R N I N G.

A/N: i usually make a sideblog for scenarios and imagines but i cant commit to writing often //sighs at exo and svt fic blogs// so i’d rather post it on my main tumblr than on my AFF account which is strictly for memberxmember only (author name is on the gif lmao i got too lazy to edit it to my tumblr url) so here’s some jaehyun smut for all his hoes, me included.

P.S. this is based off my dream the other night and i deadass almost had a panic attack from it

As a boyfriend, Jaehyun was… devoted.

It was a mutual decision; a decision he had voiced out first, but later on deeply regrets.

Jung Jaehyun meant well when he had asked to take a break from your relationship because the final months of university was harder than both of you thought. You simply had no time for each other, especially since you come from two very different courses.

It’s been almost 4 years since you two began dating, thanks to that one Gen Ed subject you miraculously shared together during freshman year. If he hadn’t been late and ended up sitting beside you, neither of you would have crossed paths again.

Jaehyun loves you, he was completely smitten that day you had accidentally swung your head to him a little too strongly and caused your hair to whiplash against his face when all he asked was for the professor’s name to put on his forms.

And you love him, ever since he had flashed his signature dimpled smile, chuckling away your apologies for having smacked his face with your hair.

From pair works in class that turned to study sessions at the library, that turned to spending breaks together at the quad, that turned to dinner dates at the nearest pizzeria, and by then all of your friends can tell that you and Jaehyun weren’t just friendly classmates anymore.

As a boyfriend, Jaehyun was… devoted. He doted you; he made sure he showed how much he loves you every second that he can. It was cute at first, until you got used to it. It had never been a bother or a burden, no matter how many times your friends would point out it was starting to be creepy. But you always shrugged them off, saying it’s simply how Jaehyun was.

First week

“You and Jae?” Ten repeats, “Are taking a break from each other?” He scoffs and nudges Doyoung, “Are you hearing this?”

“Wait, I must have something in my ears.” Doyoung sticks a finger into each ear and pretends to clean them, “Okay, can you repeat that again, (Y/N)?”

You roll your eyes at them and Yebin throws her used tissues at the boys, “Ignore them, (Y/N.) But I’m just as surprised as they are. Are you and Jaehyun really taking a break?”

“Taking a break, in our definition, is not expecting dates every other night, texting or calling during breaks, you know, the usual things we do. And if by some miracle, we bump into each other, we’d just, smile, I guess.”

“Oh thank fuck, no more kissing like you haven’t seen each other in years.” Doyoung groans, only to screech when Yebin kicks his shin under the table.

“I bet you won’t last halfway the semester. Give or take a month?” Ten shrugs his shoulders.

Doyoung snorts, “I bet you won’t last a week.”

“It was his idea and we both agreed to it. We’re graduating soon and we both promised to do our absolute best for the last semester, so we’re getting rid of distractions.”

Ten hums, “It’s just unlike him to suggest it.”

You pout at him, “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“He worships the ground you walk on.” Doyoung says in a tone like it was the most obvious thing that existed. “He worships you.”

“He’s just affectionate.” The bell rings, “And we’ll be late for class.” You stand up from your seat and they follow suit.

Third week

It took a while for you to get adjusted to the fact you’re on a break with Jaehyun. There were plenty of times you had to stop yourself from texting him to ask how he was or if he’s up to eat out together. When there was a knock on your apartment door, you had imagined it was him and not the food delivery you forgot about.

One fateful Friday, none of your subjects had given out homeworks to slave on during the weekend and Yebin had demanded for a mandatory and much needed girl’s night out at the new bar outside of campus. You were fine with the idea, until one of your friends, Minkyung, had took it upon herself to dress you up.

“No.” You automatically told her the second her hand reached for the last dress on the rack in your closet. It was probably the shortest dress you had owned. Despite its sweetheart neckline and flowy cloth, the A-line dress was cut off just above your thighs. It wasn’t the best dress to wear on windy days, to say the least. “That’s too short.”

“It’s cute and sexy!”

“But Jae–”

Minkyung cuts you off with a snap, “Last time I checked, you and Jaehyun are currently on break. Let your legs and ass breathe while they can. You’ve kept your best assets in pants or baggy shorts because Jaehyun doesn’t like it when guys ogle them.”

“Uhm, I don’t like being ogled by other guys, too.” You weakly shot back but she had already forced the dress on you and pushed you to the bathroom.

It didn’t take long for the three of you to get ready and hop into a cab that took you to the bar Yebin had not shut up about days prior from tonight. It was the typical bar set up, with booths surrounding the dance floor with 3 bartenders manning the bar and serving up cocktails one after the other.

Minkyung was fast enough to secure a booth for the three of you and you slip inside while Yebin ordered some drinks.

You realize that it’s been a long time since you were able to go out with them like this. You had always spent your free time with Jaehyun and although you missed him, this was a nice change, too.

Halfway through the night and six margaritas and 3 shots of tequila later, Minkyung and Yebin had coaxed you onto the dance floor. Intoxicated, you sway your body to the beat, laughing and singing along with your girls. You abruptly stop when a hand glides down from your waist to your hips.

“Excuse me, but I have a boyfriend.” You slurred a bit, but stood your ground to glare at the boy that felt you up.

“Really? Where is he then? Hm?”

You size him up quickly, he was shorter than Jaehyun but had Johnny’s built.

“It’s called a girl’s night out, jackass, so fuck off.” Yebin pulls you away but he grabs your arm and you cry in pain.

“I wasn’t talking to you, short stuff.” He hisses at Yebin, who responds with a harsh stomp on his foot.

Minkyung and Yebin whisks you away from him while he cusses at her.

“Are you okay? God, some guys are just jerks.” Minkyung snarls, pulling you into a hug.

“I’m fine. I’m sorry for spoiling our night out.” You reassured her.

“You didn’t spoil it, babe. That jackass did. Besides, we’ve had one too many to drink, we should head on home.” Yebin pulls out her phone and books an Uber for the three of you.

Hangovers are the worst. Usually, Jaehyun would have prepared you some painkillers and a decent breakfast, but today, you and your roommates ate cereal in front of the television with the volume down low.

“I feel like shit. Are we too old to enjoy getting wasted already? Shit!” Yebin cries, clutching her head with one hand while jamming a spoonful of soggy cornflakes into her mouth.

“Someone ask somebody to bring us painkillers. My head is killing me.” Minkyung whines, rubbing her temples.

You grab your phone and to text Doyoung, who instantly replied with his dismay of your state but will still bring over some painkillers.

The television suddenly sounds an alarm, making all three of you groan and cover your ears.

“Breaking News from Seoul Central University. Finance student, Kim Iljung, 22, was found beaten up outside a bar on the outskirts of the campus. The victim reported that he was ambushed from behind with a bat and was not able to see his assailant.”

“(Y/N), isn’t that the guy that felt you up?” Minkyung points out and you look at the ID photo the news report flashed.

“Oh shit, yeah. Oh my god.” You gasp as the reporter described the injuries the boy had sustained.

“Kim claims that he does not know who did this and the reason behind it. He is currently recovering in the campus hospital and is working with the campus police to catch his assailant.”

“Serves him right for molesting (Y/N)! Karma’s a bitch.” Yebin says, drinking the leftover milk from her bowl.

“Karma or not, it’s scary. To be randomly assaulted like that? What if one of us were in his place?” You visibly shuddered. “I mean, who could do something like that?”

Ninth week

You’ll be having your period soon.

You know this because on top of craving all sorts of food twentyfour-seven and experiencing drastic mood swings to your friend’s unfortunate luck, you had to deal with a need that Jaehyun knew all too well to handle. But you haven’t contacted him as part of the conditions of taking a break which only meant you had to take care of yourself.

It was half past midnight when you were sure your roommates were in deep sleep in their respective rooms that you decided to lock your room and raise the volume of the music you usually played at night just a tad louder in case you got a little too vocal.

You haven’t touched yourself in a long time. And even if you had, it was under the predatory gaze of your boyfriend.

Play with yourself. He’d command and you would automatically open your legs and obey.

Everything felt tentative and unsure while your hands ran up and down your naked body. Your mind conjured up scenarios of all the times you and Jaehyun had fooled around and finally, your hand made its way to your core. Sighing, you circle your clit with the tip of your forefinger and shudder at the sensation.

You bite down your lower lip when you attempt to slip your finger inside you. After a few pumps, you slip in a second finger and a moan escapes you accompanied by your boyfriend’s name.

Yes, baby, that’s it. You could practically hear him whisper the words.

“Shit.” You remembered the last time you and Jaehyun masturbated with each other. Much like how you were lying down on your bed with your legs spread out and fingers knuckle-deep inside you, you imagined Jaehyun seated at the chair by your study table, with his large hand wrapped around his cock. You whimpered when you remembered how his eyes watched your fingers disappear inside you.

“A-ah.” You softly cry when you pump faster and harder, trying to match the speed and force Jaehyun had always used on you, but ultimately failed. You plant your feet on the mattress and lift your hips up when you finally feel yourself find the pleasure you’ve been craving for. “Jae.” You whine as your other hand squeezed one of your boobs.

There was a low groan that echoed into the room and for a split second you thought you had imagined it, but it sounded all too real and all too close for it to be a fragment of your imagination. You shoot up from the bed, your hands grabbing the sheets to cover your body as your eyes dart to the window to see a shadow move across it.

Fear seizes your heart, but you had to confront it. As quickly as you can, you run to your window and open it. Your dorm was on the second floor and if there was someone who had seen you, he was fast enough to go down the fire escape. But you shake it off, hoping it was nothing but your imagination.

You close the window before you can catch a cold, not noticing the gooey, white substance splattered on the window pane.

Sixteenth week

Finals were next week and you were at your wits end. You were neck deep in stress and you were desperate to release it. You were in no mood to drink and the girls had their own finals to study for. As you walked home late at night from the library, you stop in front of the university gymnasium.

It had been a while since you’ve went swimming.

You quit the team when you learned that Jaehyun quit the basketball team to make time for you.

The pool would have long been closed by now, but that’s not gonna stop you from sneaking in. You jumped the fence after checking no one was around and made your way to the building where the pool was.

The janitors always kept a spare key inside the emergency fire hose and with that, you successfully entered the indoor swimming pool.

The pool lights were left on as usual and you drop your bags to the side, your clothing following them soon after.

With only your matching red underwear, you slowly slip into the pool, half-moaning and half-whining at the cold water enveloping your body. When your body adapted to the coldness, you dive down and swim close to the tiled floor. From under the water, you look up and panicked when a blurred black mass stood at the side of the pool, causing you to resurface.

“Jesus Christ!” You gasp when you realized who it was. “Jaehyun!” You scolded, “You scared me!”

“Sorry.” He chuckles, lowly, pulling out one of his earbuds from his ear and letting it fall out from the hoodie of his jacket.

“How did you even know I was here?”

“I was out for a jog when I saw you jump the fence.” Once he said that, you noticed he was wearing his usual running clothes. There were a few beads of sweat sliding down his face and his breath was a little ragged. He squats down and offers you a half smile, “If anything, I should be asking you why you’re sneaking into the pool after closing time.”

You bite your lip and swim towards him. “The past weeks have been hard on me and I need to destress. Won’t you help me, Jae?”

His eyes darkened despite the pool lights shining in them. “I don’t think that’s how taking breaks from a relationship works, (Y/N).”

“We’ve made it this far, Jae. Can’t we cheat this break thing?”

“(Y/N)” He warns.

“Please, Jae. For me?” You unconsciously bat your lashes at him and he sighs.

“I don’t have my swimming trunks.”

You giggle at him, “If you haven’t noticed, I’m in my underwear.”

He watches you a little bit more and you thought he was hesitating, so you reach up and unzip his jacket for him. “Do you need help or are you going to let me play by myself?”

That made him smirk and he rises from the ground, discarding his jacket and peeling his shirt away.

Your mouth went dry at the sight of seeing his body again and it made you almost guilty to feel so sexually deprived for the past months. He pushes his running shorts down and reveals his boxers.

Your teeth bite down on your lips again when he kicks his shoes off and smirks at you before diving head first into the water. You swim backwards, trying to tease him as he swims to you from underneath. He resurfaces right in front of you the second your back hits the side of the pool.

Jaehyun wipes away the excess water off his face while you wrap your arms around his shoulders.

“Hi.” You whisper, laughing when he flashes you a smile as you helped pushed his wet hair back.

“Hi.” He breathes, grabbing onto your thighs and guiding your legs around him. “So you needed to destress?”

You nod your head, sliding the hand that pushed his hair back down the side of his face. “How are you gonna help me?”

He pulls your hips closer and grinds his erection against your clothed sex, eliciting a silent gasp from you. “I can think of a few things.”

“C-care to show me?” You stuttered, unable to say anything else as Jaehyun continues to gyrate his hips into you.

For the first time in months, you kissed each other.

The open kiss was messy and sloppy, and it was desperate, needy, and hungry. You clawed his bare back, looking for support as you slid down his body. In response, he pushes you against the side of the pool, the corner biting into your back had hurt but you couldn’t care less. His tongue had invaded your mouth, stroking your own as one of his hands roughly grab your breasts, pushing above the water’s surface.

You throw your head back, resting it against the poolside as Jaehyun clumsily thumbs your hardened nipple and trails a sloppy kiss from your cheek, to your jaw, and stopped short on the side of your neck.

Just as you slowly lose yourself with Jaehyun’s actions, a high pitched whistle hurls you back to reality.

“Shame on you two, fucking in a public pool.” Deep laughter follows afterwards.

Your eyes snap to the entrance where a group of boys watched in amusement. Humiliated, you hide yourself using Jaehyun’s body who shielded you nonetheless.

“Do you mind?” He snaps at them, defensively putting his arms around you.

“Yeah, man, we do mind.” One of them hollers, “We wanted to swim in sperm-free water.”

You flinch when they laugh once more, “Jae, let’s just go.”

He doesn’t react immediately; dark eyes glaring straight to the space behind you. His breathing had slowed and became heavy.

“Jaehyun,” You cup his cheek and make him face you, “Baby, let’s just go.”

It takes him another second to react. He closes his eyes and kisses your forehead. “Okay.”

The guys didn’t pay attention to either of you anymore as they jumped into the far end of the pool. Jaehyun helped you get out of the pool and instinctively, he checked on the guys as he got out after you. Just as he expected, one of them was checking you out while you bent over to grab your things.

“Hey!” He shouts, “I’d appreciate it if you stopped checking my girlfriend out.”

“Can’t help it, man. No wonder you can’t keep your hands off of her.” You see him look at you once more in an overly appreciative manner that made you shudder. On the corner of your eye, you can see Jaehyun tense up and ball his fists. “Jaehyun, leave him alone. It’s not worth our time, come on.”

“Do her real good, man!”

It took all your strength to hold Jaehyun down before he can even properly react. “Baby, please, I just want to go home.” You almost begged him and he finally relented.

Snatching your clothing up, both of you head for the locker rooms to dress before leaving the premises.

“Let me walk you home.” Jaehyun pulled you to his side after seeing you shiver.

After a while, he quietly says, “I’m sorry about those dickheads.”

“It’s not your fault. Maybe it’s the universe saying we shouldn’t be cheating on taking a break.” You huddled closer to him. “But I really miss you, Jae.”

“I miss you, too.” He plants a kiss on the top of your head. “We have a week left. I think we can hold out until then.”

“Until then? Hold out, what exactly?” You tease, spinning on your heels as you arrive to the doorstep of your apartment.

He leans down and kisses the spot between your jaw and your ear. “What could have happened back in the pool and so much more in the privacy of our homes.” His whisper was deep and low, tickling your ear and making you pull away with a short laugh.

“I can’t wait, then.” You let him kiss you on your lips. “Get home safely, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for not helping you destress.” Jaehyun slightly pouts at you and you smile at him.

“I had this time with you.” You shrugged your shoulders, “It helped.”

“You can always play with yourself again.” He chuckles under his breath. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” And with one last kiss, he walks away.

You turn around and reach for the door, but realization hits you before you can turn the knob.

Did Jaehyun say… ‘again’?

Seventeenth week

You were finally through with exams and all you had to do now was wait for graduation. Jaehyun still had one last exam to finish in the afternoon, as Ten told you, so you guys, along with your roommates and Doyoung, decided to go to the mall.

When everyone grew tired of window shopping, Doyoung had suggested to head over to the arcade. Yebin had challenged Ten to breaking the high score on the basketball games while Minkyung had devoted herself into getting the large minnie mouse tsum tsum in the claw machine.

“Let’s play air hockey like old times!” You pulled Doyoung by his arm.

“Right! So I can beat you, like old times.” He laughs and avoids being shoved by you.

“We’ll see about that.”

He swipes the arcade card into the air hockey machine and the puck pops out in front of you. You place the puck onto the table and grip the striker.

“Are you ready to lose?”

“I should be asking you tha–hey! That’s not fair!” He yells when you make your turn and the puck goes straight into the goal.

“Whoops.” You feigned innocence. “If you’re so great, my leading point shouldn’t be a bother.”

Grumbling to himself, Doyoung places the puck back into the table and swings as hard as he could, making it bounce everywhere before you could block it and send it back to him. He had struck it too hard and made it hit the sides that ultimately led it straight into his goal.

“What the hell!” He complains and glares at you as you laughed out loud.

“That’s two points for me!” You cheer, preparing to block his next shot.

As the game continued, you couldn’t help but laugh at all the nonsense complains Doyoung kept stuttering out. Tears even made it to your eyes when he had made an effort to put all his weight into blocking the puck but he had missed it and stumbled away from the table.

“Are you sure you’re as good at this game as you say you are?” You jeered, peeking up at him through your lashes, but your eyes catch sight of someone else. “Jae?”

Doyoung cheers when the puck slips past you while you were distracted.

You eyes flutter down when the puck plops out of the bank by your legs but you ignore it and look back behind Doyoung. Jaehyun wasn’t there anymore.

“What’s wrong?” He stops his mini celebration and turns around, trying to look for what you were staring at.

“I just… I thought I saw Jaehyun.”

He whips his head back at you with a confused expression. “He should be taking an exam right now.” He glances down at his wristwatch. “Well, if he was fast, he could be done, but it would still take him some time to get here.”

“Right. I was just seeing things.”

After a few more minutes at the arcade, you head over to a fastfood chain across the arcade.

“To console you on your loss in our neck-to-neck air hockey match, I’ll buy you ice cream.” Doyoung wraps an arm around your shoulders, “Sound good?”

“Add in some fries and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be okay about losing.”

He exaggerates a sigh, “My best friend, using me for free food.” He lightly pinches your shoulder, “You’re lucky I love you or else–”

It happened so fast that you could barely register it into your mind.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? Keeping her warm for me?”

The voice didn’t register at first, but the face that owned it did.

“Dude, what the hell?!” Doyoung scrambles onto his feet with Ten’s help.

Jaehyun steps forward but you block him. “Jae, what is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with  me? I finished my exam early and rushed here to see you, but I see him,” He juts his chin towards Doyoung, “With his arm around you.”

“What’s happening here?” A mall security guard approached your group.

“A misunderstanding, nothing we can’t handle ourselves. Sorry for the trouble.” You bow your head at him and grab Jaehyun’s arm. “Can we talk outside?”

He casts a glare at Doyoung before letting you pull him out. On the way to the exit, you recognized the same group of boys that chanced upon you and Jaehyun in the swimming pool from the previous week. You were ready to avoid their gazes, but they had seen you and immediately steered clear from you–and you didn’t fail to notice the fear in their expressions. Glancing up at Jaehyun, you could see the smug look on his face as he watches the group retreat.

You walk out into the parking lot and spin around to face him. “Do you want to explain yourself for what you did back there?”

Jaehyun frowns, “He had his arm around you.”

“I–Jae! He is Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. My best friend since pre-school. My best friend who is asexual. You know that!”

“He can’t be asexual forever. For all we know, he’s already got a crush on you!”

“Why are you being jealous of him? He’s my best friend and will always just be my best friend.”

“He just said he loves you!”

“And I love him back, as in, platonically, which I think is what he meant!” You groan in frustration. “You’re being ridiculous!”

Jaehyun scowls, “I’m being protective of my girlfriend!”

You suck in your lips and stare him down, “Your girlfriend that you’re technically on a break with.”

“What?” His body visibly tensed up.

“Maybe we should extend the break for a week or two.” You began to step back, but he follows you.

“What?” Jaehyun repeats, “Why?”

“Because, Jae,” You snap and he flinches at your tone, “I need time to get over what you just did inside to my best friend and you need time to contemplate over your actions and apologize to Doyoung.”

“(Y/N).” He whines.

“Jaehyun, please.” You cross your arms over your chest, defensively, and he stops in his tracks, looking at you with pleading eyes. You shake your head with regret and turn away, walking to the mall front.

He hadn’t followed you or tried to stop you, and you were thankful for that.

You take out your phone, book and Uber, and sent a text to Yebin, saying you’re heading home to rest, and then sent one to Doyoung, apologizing for Jaehyun’s actions and asked if he was okay.

Yebin replies with a kissy face emoji and a short message that she and Minkyung will bring home some dinner for you, to which you replied with a quick thank you.

Doyoung responds to your text a little while after, telling you that he’s fine; that nothing was broken or bleeding, and Jaehyun came back to check up on him and to apologize for punching him.

You close your phone as you see your Uber arriving and hop inside. Jaehyun had never reacted that way and it came as shock to you that he did. He was always that shy and nice kid that everyone was friends with. He was never assertive, but you knew it irked him when guys would so much give you excessive attention.

Seventeen weeks and three days

With classes over and practices for graduation rites starting in two weeks, you were left bored at home while Yebin and Minkyung had their exhibits and recitals to attend to. You woke up at noon and ate late lunch in front of the television, catching up on all the dramas you’ve missed for the sake of studying.

It pained you to watch some romantic scenes, if you were to be honest with yourself. It reminded you of Jaehyun and how he had acted a few days ago.

You learned from Ten, since he’s been seeing Jaehyun’s roommate, Johnny, that Jaehyun was either cooped up in his room or spending his hours at the gym.

The news didn’t make you feel any different. You missed him so much, but your pride wouldn’t allow you to give in. He had to apologize and admit his mistakes.

You fell asleep in the middle of a drama and was woken up by your cellphone ringing. The caller ID read Unknown, but you answer it either way.

“Hello?” You yawned. The other line was silent. Thinking there was a problem with the signal, you stand up and walk closer to the window. “Hello?” You repeat. “Who is this?”

As the line continued to remain silent, you decided to hang up.

The call was unsettling, but you shake it off and gasp to see that it was half past 8 already. You trudged to the kitchen, taking out some left overs from the fridge and pop it into the microwave. While waiting for it to heat up, you scroll through your SNS; liking pictures, watching random videos. You see Taeyong’s new profile pic that showed his newly bleached hair and you give it a heart eyes emoji react.

The microwave beeps and you close your phone to eat your dinner in silence.

As you cleaned up after your meal, you’re overcome with the sense of someone watching you. There was a palpable tension in the air and you convince yourself to look behind you. You regret not turning the lights on in the living room, leaving the open space dark and barely illuminated by the kitchen lights.

Your imagination went haywire, thinking how possible it was for someone to stand in the darkest corner and possibly staring you down, mocking how you can’t see them. But your eyes adjust to the darkness and you can map out the tall lamp shade Yebin’s mother had gifted you guys the day you moved in.

You let out an awkward, shaky laugh. “It’s all in your mind, (Y/N).”

Your phone rings, ripping through the silence and effectively made the tiny hairs all over your body stand up. “Motherfuck.” You hiss, clutching your heart as you take your phone from the counter.

It was an unknown number again.

“Hello?” You answer, a little too aggravated.

There was static on the other side and thinking the cell service was bad from the kitchen, you move to window and peek up into the cloudy sky. “Hello? This better not be a prank phone call.”

Instead of the silence you expected, you hear slow, heavy breathing.

“Hello? Who is this?” The clouds move and the moon shines the ground below. Your eyes drop to the street below and your chest tightens.

On the sidewalk that leads to your apartment building, there was a man dressed in a black hoodie, ripped jeans, and a black face mask covering half his face. He was looking up at your building, you weren’t so sure since his hoodie had casted a shadow over his eyes. But what caught your attention was his hand, holding up a phone to his ear.

You see his chest heave and at the same time, an exhale comes from the other line of your phone.

You drop your phone and stumble backwards as a scream erupts from your throat. You hear your roommates concerned shouts from outside the hall as they scramble to open the front door.

By the time they reach you, you were on the floor, shaking uncontrollably and crying from what you had seen.

Seventeen weeks and four days

Your landlady came to visit you and told you she had asked the campus police for extra security every night. They had also tried to trace the unknown number, but didn’t get any leads and guessed it came from a burner phone. Nevertheless, they reassured you that they’ll continue to investigate your case.

Minkyung and Yebin had slept beside you last night to comfort you, but the thought of having a stalker still haunted you.

You were still jittery and with your mind playing tricks on you, you grab your phone and head out.

“Hey, I heard from Ten what happened. Are you okay?” Johnny asks as he opens the door for you.

“More or less? Uhm…” You look inside the room as you toed off your shoes.

“He’s taking a shower. He actually planned to go to you, but I guess you beat him to it.” Johnny cocks his head to the small bouquet of flowers on the side table. “I’m meeting Ten for an early dinner.”

“Bye.” You quietly say as you watch him close the door behind him.

With soft steps, you make your way to Jaehyun’s room. It was tidy as it always was. You can hear him singing as the shower turned on and it makes you smile.

As you move to sit on the bed to wait for him, your eyes catch the black face mask on his table. “Has he been sick?” You frown to yourself, walking over to it. Upon closer inspection, you find an old-school phone beneath it. You dismissed it as a toy when you try to open it and consequently failed to do so.

Your eyes travel to the picture frame beside it. It was you, of course. You were with him to help him choose the picture he’d have printed and framed. You pick it up only to put it down as fast as you could when your fingers came into something sticky.

“Ugh, Jung Jaehyun!” You hiss, stretching your hand as far away as possible. You were disgusted, to say the least, but a part of you is flattered to know your boyfriend jacks off to you instead of some porno video or magazine. You walk to his laundry basket and grab the first thing you could and wiped your hands on it.

You feel bad for using one of his black hoodies to clean your hands but he’d understand. As you returned the dirty laundry back into the pile, you noticed the light washed denim jeans inside. There was an unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach when you see that they were tattered. It’s a coincidence, you convince yourself, a horrible coincidence.

You throw the jacket back into the basket and walked over to the other side of the room to sanitize your hands with the bottle of rubbing alcohol liked to keep there. Your emotions have suddenly turned a complete 180 degrees; when you stepped inside the apartment, you felt safe and secured. But after running into items that looked so out of place and had triggered your memories of the past events the last weeks, you were uneasy.

The sound of the shower turns off and you cast a glance at the bathroom door, catching your reflection on the full length mirror. You blink repeatedly, seeing (yet another) item that you did not know Jaehyun had owned.

Your heart began to speed up as you twist around to get a better look. You could hear your heart beating in your ears with every slow step you took towards the corner of the room. There, hidden behind an armchair, resting against the crevice where the adjacent walls met, was a metal baseball bat. You wanted to throw up as your mind connected the dots.

Jaehyun was always protective of you.

“(Y/N)?”

You gasp, turning around, putting a hand over your chest.

Jaehyun, dressed in a loose shirt and boxers with a towel haphazardly thrown over his head, looked as equally as surprised as you.

He couldn’t possibly have done it.

You choke on the onslaught of tears, running to him and burying your face into his chest.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He automatically wraps his arms around you, smoothing your hair down. “You’re okay. I’m here. You’re safe with me.”

Jaehyun holds you tight, letting you cry out the remaining fear from the previous night, all the while placing kisses on your head and rubbing your back.

“Oh god,” You breathe in, smelling his strawberry-scented shower gel. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” He pulls away, tilting your face towards him. “How are you? Did you get any sleep? If I found out any sooner, I would have gone over to you.”

You shake your head, “I couldn’t sleep properly, even though Yebin and Minkyung stayed with me.”

“Have you eaten at least? Let me cook something for you to eat.”

“I-I… Don’t leave me here.” You hated yourself for sounding so weak.

Jaehyun offers you a soft smile, “No one’s going to hurt you while I’m around. But if you really don’t want to stay in my room, you can come with me to the kitchen.”

He leads you to the kitchen by the hand, his thumb running over your knuckles. He makes small talk with you, asking how your finals went, and you smile to yourself, seeing how he wanted to get your mind off last night.

You respond to his questions and watch him fry some eggs and slices of pork. It didn’t take too long for him to serve it to you with some reheated rice from this morning.

“Eat up, baby girl.”

“Baby girl?” You smirked, “Should I call you daddy, then?”

Jaehyun laughs, a blush still makes it way to the apples of his cheeks. “Be careful what you wish for.” He whispers into your ear, trying to sound seductive but ended up chuckling.

He watches you eat and from time to time, lets you feed him some.

“What are your plans after graduation?” He asks out of the blue.

You swallowed your food, “My plans?”

He nods, waiting for you to answer.

“Get a job?” You shrug, “I haven’t thought about that at all, actually.”

“How about moving into a new apartment?”

You pause for moment, “I don’t know if I can afford it, but my contract for my apartment right now ends two months after graduation so I should probably look into it.”

“Well,” Jaehyun massages his nape and avoids your gaze; a telltale sign he was nervous. He looked exactly the same when he first asked you out. “My parents graduation gift for me is my own apartment room in downtown Seoul. I was wondering if, you know, you’d want to move in with me.”

You stare at him, trying to process what he had just said. “Will your parents be okay with that? I mean, I thought you and Johnny would still be sharing an apartment.”

“He and Ten have their own plans, besides, I’m not sharing a bed with Johnny.” That makes you giggle and he lets out a short chuckle of his own, “And about my parents… they love you like their own daughter. They wouldn’t mind. I’m willing to bet they’re hoping for grandchildren in two years.”

“Woah there, big boy.” You laugh, “How about we take baby steps instead of hoping of seeing our baby take their first ones, huh?”

“Tell that to my parents.” He grumbles like a child and you reach up to pinch his cheeks.

“Anyways, I’d love to.”

“Hm?”

“I’d love to move in with you.”

It takes a second for Jaehyun to grin at your answer, both cheeks displaying a dimple each. “Really?”

You giggle at his reaction, biting down on your lower lip while you nod. “Yes, really.”

He pulls you in for multiple kisses, making you laugh in between each one. The last one he planted stayed longer against your lips, igniting a heat below your belly. His tongue grazes your lips and you instantly grant him access into your mouth, moaning at the sensation of his tongue sliding against yours.

His hands snake onto your thighs, roughly massaging them before pulling you tight against his body. You cling onto him; mouths undetached as he hauls you up and takes you back to the bedroom.

As if you were a delicate piece of china, Jaehyun sets you down on his bed with utmost care. He pulls away from the kiss, leaving a string of saliva between your lips before it snaps as he straightens himself to remove his shirt.

“Oh, god.” You groan, “I can’t believe I lasted 4 months.” You palmed him over his boxers with one hand while the other travelled upwards, fingers dancing across the expanse of the hard muscles of his abdomen and chest. Before you can slip your hands into his shorts, he grabs both of your wrists.

“I still owe you a destresser.” Jaehyun reminds you with a matching smirk on his lips.

You let him undress you, watching his eyes dart to every newly exposed skin and grow darker with carnal lust to every drop of clothing article on the floor by his feet. When you’re finally stripped off of all your clothes and underwear, he gently pushes you back until you’re lying on the bed. With a light tap on your thighs, your legs part to make room for him.

He removes his boxers and kneels on the bed, one hand already stroking his hard member. He leans down and kisses you, “I’m going to show you how much I missed you.”

“Don’t hold back.” You challenged and he playfully scoffs at you.

“When have I ever held back?”

Before you could answer, a digit dips into your core. A shaky sigh escapes you as Jaehyun languidly moves his finger around.

“Show me how much you missed me first.” He quietly says, “Use my hand.”

Whimpering, you covered his hand with your own, grinding your clit into his palm. Your fingers tapped onto his middle finger and he got the message, inserting it along with his pointer finger. He dragged them against your inner walls that caused you to softly moan.

You lifted your hips, hoping to get some more leverage but Jaehyun flexes his middle finger and it brushes against your g-spot. You gasp, dropping your weight back down to the bed. From there, Jaehyun takes over.

With no warning, he pumps his fingers into you, curling them inside before pulling out. It felt amazing and your body was already starting to convulse. He continued his actions, going harder and faster, ignoring the signs of your oncoming orgasm.

You cry out, grabbing onto his wrist with both hands as your body violently shook.

Not wasting any time, Jaehyun takes whatever essence of your climax his fingers collected and smears it over his cock, giving it a few more pumps before he slides it in you.

Your moan may or may not have been too loud for the neighbors to hear, but you had no control over it. Despite being sensitive and still high from your orgasm, you try to spread your thighs further for him. One of your legs pinned his on the bed while you wrapped the other around his hips.

Jaehyun mumbles something about you being tight and how it feels amazing just before he begins to thrust, slow and deep. He leans over and kisses your neck, alternating between sucking and licking every patch of skin he can get his mouth on.

“I’m going to mark you so other guys wouldn’t think twice about hitting on you, okay?” He thrusts a little too hard, as if to punctuate his question, and you groan in response.

“Yes, yes,” You gasp, your hands finding purchase on his shoulders. “I’m yours.”

He makes almost an animalistic growl, hips moving more erratically with your words. “Say that again.”

“I’m yours.” You chant, almost like a prayer.

With every repetition of your invocation, Jaehyun snaps his hips into you, gaining more speed and power. It had you curling your toes and teetering over a cliff, ready to jump head first into ecstasy only he can deliver.

Your body thrashed against him as he gave you your second mind-blowing orgasm for the night. He helps you ride it out, keeping your hips still as he shallowly pushed into you. Unintentionally, you clenched around him and he moans at the sensation.

“Shit, that feels so good, baby.” He rasps, throwing his head back.

“Won’t you come?” You asked, pouting up at him as you catch your breath.

Slowing down his thrusts, he looks down at you. He studies how you were still shivering from your high, how his kisses on your necks have bloomed into a bouquet of purple flowers, how your breasts rose with every haggard breath. He takes one into his hand, softly palming it. “I’m getting there.”

“Is there anything you want me to do?” You watch his eyebrows scrunch up and his lips curl into a wicked grin.

He pulls out of you all of a sudden and crawls until his knees are on either side of your chest. “Open up.”

You part your lips and stick your tongue out a little.

Jaehyun groans at the lewd sight of you; taking his cock into his hand and pumping as fast as he can. He places the tip on your tongue when beads of pre-cum ooze out.

You lick it up immediately, coaxing him to ejaculate by running your tongue on the underside of his cock’s head.

A string of curses fall from Jaehyun’s lips as he finally found the final push he needed to come. White, hot liquid shoots into your mouth and amidst of you swallowing it, the remaining cum splashes onto your cupid’s bow, cheek, and chin. He cries out in anguish when you push yourself up to suck him dry with hollowed cheeks. As you fall back to bed, one last spurt escapes him and hits your brow.

Seeing it dribble down your eyelid, Jaehyun uses his thumb to swipe it off. Before he can clean his finger, you grab hold of his wrist and guide it to your mouth, collecting the salty substance with your tongue.

“Jesus christ, (Y/N).” Jaehyun exhales, feeling his cock twitch at the salacious scene.

“I just missed how you tasted.” You giggled, kissing his thumb. “Still delicious.”

He combs your sweat-slicked hair and chuckles, his ears turning red at the compliment, “Well, I’m sure you taste sweeter.”

You jut out your lower lip at him, “How would you know? You haven’t tasted me in months.”

“Oh?” His eyes glaze over once again, “Is that a challenge?”

“Baby,” You coo, “It’s an invitation.”

If his dimpled smile made you melt, a dimpled smirk made you melt in other places–places he was about to visit.

“Don’t mind if I do, then.” He trails a kiss from between your breasts down to your navel.

Your jaw drops when he arrives right at your core and does his magic.

You dip your head back down further on the bed, moaning at every flick of his tongue. You turn your head to the side and your eyes fall on the baseball bat from earlier. You had a clearer view of it this time.

You had a clearer view of the other end stained with dark red splatters.

Your blood ran cold and you froze up.

Jaehyun, realizing immediately that you had stopped responding to his actions, pulls away and looks at you. His gaze follows yours and once he spots what had grabbed your attention, he hovers above you and places a hand on either side of your head. “Look at me.” He commands.

“You couldn’t have…” You murmur, meeting his darkened eyes.

“He touched you.” He simply states, devoid of any emotion.

“Jaehyun!” You reprimand, but he cuts you off.

“He disrespected you, (Y/N). I wasn’t going to let that pass by!”

“How did you even know I was the bar? Were you following me?”

“I wanted to make sure you were safe!”

You push him off, scooting off the bed and picking out your clothes from the floor. This wasn’t something you wanted to discuss in the nude. “Well, I was! Yebin and Minkyung were there with me. We left before he could do anything else. You didn’t have to beat him up with a bat! Jesus christ! Jae! You’re wanted by campus police.”

“He got what he deserved, (Y/N).” He coolly shrugs his shoulders, grabbing his boxers and slipping them on while watching you dress.

“And what about those guys from the pool?” You suddenly remembered running into them the other day.

“I only meant to go after the one who couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Jaehyun admits, “But his friends came looking for him, so I had to deal with them as well.”

“You took them by your–” You shut your eyes in frustration and disbelief. It felt like you didn’t even know the man in front of you. Shaking your head with a scoff, you avoid his piercing glare.

Another thought pops into your head, a scarier one that gave you goosebumps.

You look to the table and stare at the black face mask, “…w-were you the guy last night?”

“Yes. I was outside your window, too, when you masturbated.”

You gaped at him with horrified astonishment. “Why?” It took every fiber of your body not to start shaking from fear and disgust. “You scared me shitless!”

“That was the point.”

Your jaw drops, unable to formulate a proper response, nevertheless, Jaehyun continues.

“I had to scare you back to me.”

“What?!”

“I was losing you.” His voice finally breaks from the monotony and raises an octave higher. “You asked for an extension when I was at my limit. I missed you!”

“I was mad! You punched my best friend, Jaehyun! I had the right to be! And it didn’t mean you were losing me. I just needed time to cool down!” You pinch the bridge of your nose. Never, in the four years, you and Jaehyun have spent together did you argue like this. This was a completely different side to your boyfriend and all these revelations were giving you a headache. You needed time to process them. “I can’t do this.”

You make a move to leave but Jaehyun blocks your path.

“Can’t do what?” His voice had dropped and his eyes were practically black as the night. Taken aback from his demeanor, you were unable to respond to him, making him ask again in a raised voice. “Can’t do what, (Y/N)?!”

“Let me go, Jae. I need to go.”

“Go where? Who are you running of to, huh? Doyoung? Taeyong?”

“Why are you dragging Taeyong into this?”

Jaehyun scowls, “I saw you giving his picture a heart eyes react.”

“Oh my god!” You shout, “Do you hear yourself right now? So I liked his new photo because I thought his new hairstyle looked good. He’s our friend, remember? Jaehyun, please, let me leave.”

“And what? Extend our break even more? I don’t think so.” He reaches for your hand, but you move away. “(Y/N).”

“You’re honestly scaring me right now.” You back away until you feel the wall behind you. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I love you, (Y/N),” He steps forward, “Everything I do is for you. I have to protect you. If you could only see how other guys look at you, how they would undress you with their eyes–I, I can’t let them disrespect you like that. They need to know that you’re mine and I’m yours.”

“And if you really, really do love me, Jae,” Your eyes tear up, “You would let me leave.”

“No. W-why?” His eyebrows scrunched up in frustration “Do you want to break up?”

You swallow hard, “I’m really scared right now, Jaehyun. Just please give me time to think–”

“Answer me!” He yells, making you flinch in your spot. He traps you against the wall, “Are you thinking about breaking up with me?”

“I don’t feel safe with you right now.” You breathed. Your words were barely audible but they rang like sirens in Jaehyun’s ears.

He steps away from you, the emotions on his face have changed from hostile to defeated. His eyes are wet as they searched around the room for something, and they fell on the full length mirror attached to the bathroom door. Huffing, he takes two large steps towards it and swings as hard as he can.

You shrieked as his fist connected to the mirror, creating a large, cracked web onto it. You had expected him to stop, or at most react to the the pain of the blow, but he repeatedly punched the mirror, smashing chunks of the glass and sending them crashing to the floor.

“Jae, stop!” You yell, but it was as if he couldn’t hear you.

You found yourself grabbing his arms at the first sight of crimson staining the mirror. “Jaehyun!”

“Go away! I don’t want to hurt you,” He spares you a tormented glance. His cheeks were damp from tears already. “I can’t hurt you, so let me–”

He attempts to throw another punch, but you hold him back. Then both of you struggled with one another, until he nudges you away and faces you. “You hate me!” He cries.

You shake your head in denial, but he repeats himself.

“You hate me.”

“I never said that.” You squeaked, staring into his eyes.

“You wanted to break up.” Jaehyun grabs a fistful of his hair as he shuts his eyes.

“I never said that, either.” You quietly admonished, shakily reaching up to wipe his tears.

He had flinched away from your touch at first, snapping his eyes wide open like an injured beast being cornered, but the way you looked at him made him drop his defenses.

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, sobbing like a little boy and your heart wrenches at the sight. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeats over and over until you pull him down, letting his head rest on the crook of your neck. “I can’t lose you, (Y/N). I can’t. I just wanted to protect you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me and you won’t.” You run one of your hands down his back while the other combed through his hair.

He pulls away, tears still flowing down his cheeks, “You’re not leaving me?”

You take in his expression; a mix of pain, anguish, confusion, guilt, and above all that, you see the expression that made you choose him and stay by his side: love.

“I mean, I have to go home sooner or later.” You cock your head, offering him an unsure smile in an endeavour to bring up his mood, and it sort of did. The briefest flash of his dimple with the curl of the corners of his lips told you that you had at least succeeded in making him laugh. “But I can spend the night if you want to.”

“I want you to.” He mumbles and you smile up at him.

“Then I’ll stay the night.” You pull him down until his forehead was touching yours. Playing with the short hairs on his nape, you whisper onto his lips, “I love you.”

A smile finally breaks out onto his face, lighting it up from the solemn mood “I love you, too.”

“Let’s get your hand cleaned up and wrapped, okay?” You kiss his cheek and lead him out the room, careful not to step on any glass shards.

The clock in the living room struck 12 and exhaustion seeped into your system. You were beginning to accept that there was something terribly wrong with your boyfriend’s psychological health. You should have ran away when you had the chance; you should have left when he, himself, told you to. But you remembered his eyes when he spared you a glance. Something in them switched like an on and off button when they were on you in comparison to when he had been punching the wall.

You look over your shoulder and up at Jaehyun, who sniffed as he inspected his bleeding knuckles.

Your friends have always told you how much he doted you.

Up until tonight, you had no idea just how devoted Jaehyun was to you.

devoted 2 part 1

devotee (jaehyun’s pov)

[kihyxnnie]

🌺85 questions🌺

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

thank you @lucasthiccthighs tagging me 💗💗💗

🌈 last 🌈

1. drink - black coffee bc im middle aged apparently

2. phone call - my brother

3. text message - i dont rly text hahahhahahah

4. song you listened to - A.C.E Cactus

5. time you cried - I can’t even remember

🐸 ever 🐸

6. dated someone twice? - Yeah

7. kissed someone and regretted it - i dont kiss people unless im sure i wont regret it

8. been cheated on - i think i have idk

9. lost someone special - sure hing

10. been depressed - ive had negative thoughts for a long period of time but ive never been diagnosed so I wouldn’t say so

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - ew no

🐱 fave colours 🐱

12. Light Blue

13. Yellow

14. Black

🌻 in the last year have you… 🌻

15. made new friends - id like to say so

16. fallen out of love - i dont really believe in love

17. laughed until you cried - this is the one thing im always doing

18. found out someone was talking about you - hahah yeah

19. met someone who changed you - does kpop count?

20. found out who your friends are - yep

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - not in the last year idk

🐤 general 🐤

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - 95% i reckon

23. do you have any pets - i have 3 dogs

24. do you want to change your name - i just want a middle name hahaha

25. what did you do for your last birthday- I spent the day being sad and going out for dinner and having my first legal drink

26. what time did you wake up today - 9:51 am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - dreaming abt mark lmao

28. what is something you can’t wait for - One of my internet friends sent me a letter that she wrote on a jb photocard and im pumped for that

30. what are you listening to right now - SF9 Fanfare

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - yeah i have

32. something that gets on your nerves - people who expect everyone to be fluent in english

33. most visited website - tumblr and youtube

34. hair color - dark ass brown

35. long or short hair - short

36. do you have a crush on someone - i dont believe in romantic feelings

37. what do you like about yourself - my singing voice

38. want any piercings? - atm i have all the ones I want, but id like a double helix on my right ear

39. blood type - I dunno

40. nicknames - nelly

41. relationship status - single

42. zodiac - taurus

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows - tbh i dont watch tv that much

45. tattoos - i have none but want like 2

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - i had my tongue cut loose lmao hi

48. piercings - both nostrils, industrial on left ear, 3 lobes on each and navel

49. sport - i did gymnastics for ages

50. vacation -south korea, london and japan

51. trainers - im gonna assume this is shoes i like and im gonna say no and go with timberlands

🐹 more general 🐹

52. eating - i like most food with like a soupy thing? But im weak for ramen

53. drinking - i like most cold drinks

54. i’m about to watch - im procrastinating finishing dream high 2

55. waiting for - to get employed wow im sick of appying

56. want - a good nights sleep ahhahahahah

57. get married - i am afraid of it

58. career - musician or translator

👽 which is better 👽

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes but nice lips are a plus

61. shorter or taller - taller

62. older or younger - older or same age (i have strong maternal feelings towards younger people)

63. nice arms or stomach - I like nice arms but i dont mind that much

64. hookup or relationship -  relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant but adventurous

🍔 have you ever 🍔

66. kissed a stranger - id rather die

67. drank hard liquor - when i was an edgy 16 year old abt 2 years ago yea

68. lost glasses - yes wow

69. turned someone down - I reject 99% of men bc i cant be assed

70. sex on first date - i am afraid of that

71. broken someone’s heart - If i did it was probs mutual

72. had your heart broken - once i think

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yeahs

75. fallen for a friend - i havent rly fallen for anyone

🐫 do you believe in 🐫

76. yourself - depends what for

77. miracles - yes

78. love at first sight - lol no

79. santa claus - i wish i did

80. kiss on a first date - only if im interested in them otherwise NOPE

81. angels - yes

🐑 other 🐑

82. best friend’s name - kai and reilly atm

83. eye color - dark brown

84. fave movie - jurassic world

85. fave actor - i like the rock and kang sora

I’m tagging: @ecstasyxkpop @monstaxnight @yikes-anotherkpopblog💗💗💗

🌺you don’t have to do it🌺 (I need more friendds lmao im sorry to the tagged people!!!)