#hiding-from-reality-56

[crossbackpoke-check]

56 and any Yamo pairing! 🫶

i just wheezed so hard when i saw what the song was i almost snorted coffee out of my nose i am so sorry for this one

#56 - kyoto phoebe bridgers + yamo

the story of how this song ended up on my wrapped is too long so it’s going in the tags but. let me set the scene for you.

2026 NHL GLOBAL SERIES™️ JAPAN - Presented by YPPI

November 13 & 14, 2026: Dallas Stars, Montreal Canadiens, Seattle Kraken, Vancouver Canucks

Saitama Super Arena, Saitama, Japan

It’s a pitiful excuse of a consolation prize for not being able to go to the Olympics, but Kailer’s not going to look a vacation horse in the mouth. The arena’s cool. It’s huge. The people are cool. There’s so many more of them than he thought there’d be with jerseys that have his name on the back, and a lot more that have the familiar orange and blue. He takes a picture of the fifth Oilers Yamamoto jersey he signs—this one’s the good Reverse Retro—and texts it to Connor, says,

no one here has even heard of mcjesus

and gets a moon face emoji in response. Leon’s influence. Kailer’s still never really deciphered what that one means, and he doesn’t think Connor knows either.

They don’t have a lot of time off between games, but Kailer’s trying to be a good tourist. His dad had been so happy when Kailer had told him about the series that Kailer’d had to stop him from trying to book a flight a year in advance, and his mom’s been just as bad, sending him every article she sees about Best New Spot in Tokyo! Cool Restaurant! Have You Seen This Japanese Cat Café? that she scrolls across on Facebook since June. Suzy’s in the same boat, so they’ve been crossing off their compiled travel-guide list together, looping in as many guys as they can. Everyone’s been pretty game. All the teams are crammed into close quarters at the same hotel, which means everyone wants to spend as much time as possible outside of it, and it helps that Kailer’s gotten pretty close with all the other guys that the NHL picked up as Global Series figureheads. Robo’s memes? Absolutely fire. The groupchat loves them.

For every item he crosses off the list, Kailer takes a picture and keeps it tucked in his phone notes. It’s like speed-running a scavenger hunt—they’re only here for four days—but he’s doing a pretty good job. His favorite so far has been all the gardens. They’re stunning, trees shining bright red and yellow, and every vendor has been selling maple candies, maple cakes, and even fried maple, though the official maple festival doesn’t start until next week. The second garden he visits, he does it on his own after practice, buying two cakes from a cart near the gate and walking until he loses the bustle outside. It’s easy to get lost in the winding pathways, heading deeper into the quiet, and there’s dozens of benches underneath the burnished leaves where young couples are tucked away on dates, or old friends are laughing and catching up. In some of the little clearings, there’s small shrines where people leave offerings, a prayer for good luck or good fortune.

Kailer stops at one without any people and sets the second maple cake on top of it, then sits and scrolls through all the texts that he’s missed. His mom gets replied to with a picture of him outside the garden gate, grinning and surrounded by other travelers. He sends his brother a picture of a trashy graphic I Love Japan t-shirt with the threat that he’ll buy one for him, and Kailer’s dad gets a picture of the meticulously arranged and cut bonsai that are across from the bench where he’s sitting. The Seattle groupchat gets a recycled meme from Robo, and he gets two thumbs up and an “LMAO” before he can even exit the thread. Finally, Kailer takes a picture of the half-eaten maple cake in his hand, holding it next to a fallen maple leaf on the bench, and gets halfway through typing another message before he thinks better of it.

(On the plane over, Drieds was reading them a story about how when they first introduced the high-speed railway, people were afraid to use it because they thought it would be too fast for their souls to keep up.

“Bro, if that were true, you just left your soul in the middle of the Pacific,” Ebs had laughed. “Planes are faster than trains.”

“Are they?” Matty asked. “Isn’t the train in Japan the fastest in the world?”

Drieds couldn’t make it through the rest of the story over the sound of everyone ripping Matty to shreds, so Kailer didn’t get to ask whether or not they found out anything about planes. Kailer’s not worried about his soul, but the logic makes a strange kind of sense; after all, he traveled 429 miles in five and a half hours once, and that was a little too fast for his heart to keep up.)

Fuck it. Kailer’s been trying to write a response for the past ten days, and he’s sick of swiping in and out of the message, staring at the keyboard so long he starts to see swirls in his vision.

Kailer drafts the text again and sends it, no context, no caption. A text travels faster than a high-speed train or a jet. Maybe it’ll pick his heart back up on the way.

[ijustdontlikepeople]

Kailer Yamamoto 🌸 Aesthetic as requested by @hiding-from-reality-56 for emoji edits

[nearlydawn]

nights like this.

⋆ pairing: josh washington x fem!reader ⋆ genre: fluff ⋆ warnings: no y/n, just slight flirting, mutual pining, before prologue ⋆ wc: about 3.1k ⋆ note: not proofread, expect part two ⋆ requested: no

masterlist ⋆ about ⋆ ask

tuesday, 7:56 pm.

both you and josh had been planning this night for what felt like weeks—a movie night. to be frank, neither of you are very coordinated when planning hangouts, but when you stepped inside and saw nothing laid out—blankets, snacks, drinks—or even a recorded movie ready—you knew this was going to be a mess, a small frown tugging at the corners of your lips.

sometimes things are better done spur of the moment! josh sheepishly let you in, insisting he forgot, but you knew he didn't—he couldn't have. texts back and forth every day talking about how excited you were proved that—not to mention hannah and beth were trying to tidy things up in the living room, waving at you with smiles on their faces. "i'm sorry—really—i'll get popcorn going," he rushed out, shaking his head softly as he made his way into the kitchen. you could've sworn he was blushing. from embarrassment. obviously. you didn't mind in the long run. you were here, and now the party was really going to get started. "it's alright, josh."

-

you sat criss-cross on the washington’s couch, remote in hand as you scrolled absentmindedly through the channels. josh, on the other hand, was in the kitchen whipping up popcorn. you were supposed to be looking for movies… but nothing seemed to be on tonight. nothing interesting, at least. it bored you to the point you were lost in thought while clicking the down button. their house was one you'd been in many times, and honestly you treated it like your own—albeit a bit better since you wanted to make a good impression. every time you arrived you just felt an immense sense of comfort, like you were wrapped in a warm blanket the second your foot hit the hardwood floor. but i guess that's just the effect the washington's have. on everything, really. whenever you get texts from them you're unable to hide the smile from your face.

the subtle pops and snaps of the kernels filled your ears, as well as the overwhelming smell of butter. it was a nice contrast to the frustration you were feeling... just seeing the same shit as you switched channels—almost to the point where you just wanted to take that dumb, plastic remote and throw it at the screen. deep breaths, you said. just take a deep breath.

click after click, channel after channel, nothing. the only things coming up were reality tv, animal planet—hell, judge judy. honestly, you could've settled for something dumb like 'ridiculousness' or 'the impractical jokers', but you desperately wanted to find a horror movie. you know. that cliché movie scene where the girl clings to the guys arm helplessly as she pretends to be scared—nuzzling her face into his shoulder to 'hide' from the absolute terror on screen. and then the boy consoles her, telling her that there's nothing to be afraid of, but deep down the girl just wanted an excuse to be by him. -

“aye, ya find anything?” he walked up behind you, a dopey grin on his face. his hands rested just behind your head, leaning on the couch. his voice broke you out of your small fantasy... unfortunately. you glanced behind yourself, thumb still auto-pressing like a zombie. “nope. no luck,” you sigh, scrolling so far you reached static.

“mm, well, i'm pretty sure i have dvds lying around somewhere,” he shrugged, patting your shoulder gently as he stepped back.

“now that's more like it.” you smiled with relief, setting the remote down by your side as your hands came to rub your face. "any idea where they are?"

you stood up from the couch, circling it as you followed him back into the kitchen. josh hummed softly, trying to think whilst pouring the popcorn into a medium sized tin bowl.

“they’re either in my room or my sisters, i’d assume,” he concluded, shooting you a knowing look. “we’re all movie people.”

you nodded, walking over to the fridge as you grabbed two bottles of water. “i can go check with hannah and beth,” you smiled.

hannah and beth. they had left the living room in silence the second they were done organizing—no hello or hug like usual. it was a bit strange, but you chose not to question it. i mean, they were only helping him, you know.

your hand lingered on the fridge handle for a moment, closing it quietly as you walked back to the couch. the cold of the water bottles were beginning to burn your hand—a sensation you never enjoyed. quickly, you set them down on coasters on the coffee table, wiping the condensation on your pants.

“so you don’t want to come to my room with me?” he teased, following after you as he brought the popcorn out.

“ew, josh,” a slight scoff escaped your lips, faint blush dusting your cheeks. “i’d much rather talk to your sisters.”

you feigned annoyance, but the smile creeping up on your face clearly said otherwise. it was incredibly hard to hide the fact his little comment made your heart race and all of your blood rush to your face.

silence fell between the two of you—a tension filled silence. your heartbeat echoed in your ears, trying to steady your breathing. his eyes scanned over your face, and suddenly the world seemed to stop. the glow of the tv seemed to illuminate his face perfectly—accentuating all his features. it was like he was luring you in. a sort of magnetic pull that just had you absolutely captivated.

conflicting feelings arose in your mind. it was a known fact that you liked josh—but should you act on them? your heart wanted you to walk forward and close the distance, but your mind was unsure. you were good friends, sure, but it was far-fetched to say he felt the same. he was unobtainable in your book.

“suit yourself,” he grinned, shrugging nonchalantly.

the second time you were broken out of your thoughts.

his voice was smooth—the way he replied igniting a spark within yourself. he turned around almost as soon as he spoke, disappearing into the hallway that led to his room. as his footsteps slowly dissipated, you finally exhaled. honestly, you didn’t even know you were holding your breath.

but, did he always look at you like that?

- the walls of their home were decorated in a plethora of family photos, some of just them individually. there weren't many of josh, but the ones they did have up were cute, mostly him as a little boy with a goofy grin on his face. excited about his first day of kindergarten—catching his first fish—all his milestones. you couldn't help but look at all of them as you wandered around in attempt to find hannah or beth. you envied the washington's a bit—a well off family with a big house that just so happened to own an entire fucking mountain, not to mention the lodge and other buildings on that property. (dare i say nepo-children?). no matter how many times you were in that house, you only seemed to remember where hannah's room was, aside from the living room. your footsteps were quiet as you navigated, walking up the staircase with your left hand on the railing. as you reached the top of the steps, you b-lined it to hannah's room, knocking on her door gently. you could the muffled sounds of laughter, followed by soft steps as the door swung open—beth greeted you with a tight hug. hannah was sitting on the floor in front of a line-up of nail polishes. fun! "hey," she grinned as your name fell from her lips, "long time no see! i thought you and josh were supposed to be watching a movie?" she let her hands fall to your sides, holding your arms as she gently shook your body back and forth. "yeah, we were going to—" you smiled, laughing a bit as she took your hand and brought you into the room, "i came to ask if you guys had any dvds. he said they might be in here." the twins shared knowing glances, and they both nodded as they looked back at you—almost in sync. it was scary. were you first hand experiencing twin telepathy? they had a full-on conversation with their eyes alone. "they're in my room, i'll take you." beth took your hand in hers again, leading you out of hannah's room almost as soon as you arrived. you quickly waved to hannah, mouthing 'bye' as you were practically dragged through the endless hallway. a couple turns away and you were in front of her door. a small, mischievous smile tugged at the corner of her lips, glancing between you and the door as she opened it. "can i tell you something?" it came off as a question, but you knew she was going to say it anyway. beth walked straight to her bedside, picking up a stack of movie cases. you stood in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe with you arms crossed. a bit skeptical, you nodded, "of course." she almost seemed giddy at your reply, walking calmly over to you to hand you the tapes. there was an expression you couldn't quite read on her face. it was like she was excited—but also like she wanted to hide it at the same time. your arms opened to take the dvds, holding them to your chest as you read the titles from the top down, slipping the case to the bottom of the stack once you were done. "i'm pretty sure josh has a thing for you," beth started, tucking her bottom lip in between her teeth. she was trying to shut herself up, but honestly she couldn't keep it in any longer. your eyes flicked between the names of the movies and her face, your brows furrowing. she knew something you didn't. "what do you mean?" curiosity laced your voice but your eyes never met. you avoided her gaze. she leaned on the wall beside you, watching as you were suddenly so focused on reading all of the movie titles. "well, for starters, you are the only girl he's ever invited over to the house," beth nodded, sticking out a hand to count how many things she was listing off. she stuck her thumb out. "the only time he ever sees sam and the others are when we go to the lodge or hang out as a group." you hummed a small 'mhm', wanting her to continue. to say you were intrigued would be an understatement—you wanted to hear more, needed to hear more. just a half hour ago you were trying to convince yourself it was too good to be true, and now you weren't so sure. "and, he keeps asking han and i what kind of things you're into." she stuck out her pointer finger.

resting her head on the wall behind her as she looked up at the ceiling, she continued: "he's been listening to a lot of fleetwood mac ever since we mentioned it to him."

a small laugh managed to escape you as you listened to her, followed by a gentle nudge on her part. "i'm serious, i've never heard someone listen to gold dust woman so much!"

“maybe he’s just being a good friend—y’know, i always try to get into—“ beth placed her pointer finger to your lips, a quick and silly way to silence you.

“can you just trust me on this one?” her voice was desperate but playfull, her hand dropping to her hip.

a beat of silence fell between you two. it wasn’t awkward, just giving you time to think about it all. and then it dawned on you.

he’d been flirting with you the entire time.

stolen glances, the way his hand brushed against your own, little presents here and there—everything began to make sense. and you looked like a fool. blush instantly rushed to your cheeks, shaking your head as your eyes met beth’s.

“and you’ve known this for how long?”

“about 4 months. he begged us to not say anything—i swore on my life.”

another beat of silence.

“does josh know that i—“ you began, cut off by beth once more, this time by her words.

“nope, not to my knowledge. unless han said something, he is also oblivious.” she reassured, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“is it as painful as watching chris and ashley dance around the topic?” you questioned, tilting your head slightly with a bashful smile on your face.

“worse, actually, way worse. you guys are always so close to making a move, and then you chicken out.”

you shook your head once more, then glanced back down at the movies. they were all comedy except for one—‘the shining’. you’ve already seen it, quite a few times actually, but it wouldn’t hurt to play it. you politely handed the other movies back to beth, tucking the horror case underneath your arm.

her palm fell from your shoulder, taking the movies into her hands as she returned them to her bedside, then right back to the spot she was standing at.

“okay, but, that still doesn’t explain why he ‘forgot’,” you put air quotes up, “about our hangout today. is something up?”

“well,” she sighed, glancing to the floor before she met your eyes again. “i honestly don’t know. i think you just make him nervous, he was kind of just sitting around fidgeting all day.”

you nodded, butterflies swirling in your stomach. you made josh nervous? hell, he made you nervous. palms all sweaty any time you got too close—your body naturally heating up—not to mention how you always get red in the face when he stares at you for too long.

“promise you won’t say anything.”

“i won’t.”

-

eventually, you had made your way back to the living room, this time ignoring the family photos and instead trying to figure out if you were going to say something to josh. each step you took matched your heart beat, nice and steady. that was until you spotted josh on the couch, eyes closed.

your heart fluttered a bit just seeing him. despite only being apart for a couple minutes, you couldn’t help but miss him. it was a familiar feeling, unfortunately, it came with the burden of having a crush on him.

as if he felt your presence (undoubtedly heard your steps), his eyes opened as he turned his head to look in your direction—immediately sitting up straight with a small smile.

“there she is,” he stood up, walking over to meet you in the middle, “i’m guessing they had the movies?”

“mhm,” you nod, handing him the case. “you’ve seen ‘the shining’ before, right?”

he shook his head, taking the dvd into his hand, examining it. his eyes glanced between you and the writing on the case. "horror?" he questioned, sauntering over to the tv—you followed after. "would you rather watch 'pretty woman' or 'ferris bueller's day off' again?" you teased, leaving him to put the movie in while you sat on the couch, sneaking a few pieces of popcorn. josh chuckled gingerly, popping the disc from the holder straight into the dvd player. you changed the hdmi until it displayed the previews for other movies, signifying that you were on the right one. he strolled back over to you, sitting on the other side of the couch. comfortable silence fell between you two as he skipped the previews, immediately turning the movie on. he seemed invested—which was good—but you were starting to get bored. it was a great movie, don't get me wrong, but having seen it a few times... it just wasn't something that sparked your interest. compared to the other movies, this was the best bet. "scared?" you turned your head to look at him, a small smirk on your face. "need someone to hold onto?" "yes, definitely," he retorted, a dramatic flare grazing his voice. josh almost immediately moved closer to you, your knees touching as his arm hung on the spine of the couch—behind your body, of course. "what would i do without you?" you rolled your eyes, graciously accepting the newfound warmth that spread through your body. yes, from the proximity, but also because your heart was racing once more. he seemed so eager to be beside you. which is a good thing. - minutes passed and you found yourself watching josh's face more than the movie. he was completely entranced—hyper-focused on the screen in front of him, oblivious to your fond eyes examining his every expression. and over that time, your positions had changed. his arm was now resting around your shoulders, pulling you (basically) as close as possible, with your legs touching, both of you glued to each other. you could feel each time he was startled—his body tensing—then relaxing. eventually you decided to watch the movie, your eyes returning to the bloody horror that was being displayed. your head rested on his chest, and you wrapped your arms around his abdomen—a lazy hug, but also because it was more comfortable this way. you swore you could feel his heart rate pick up. "scared?" he mocked, glancing down at you. you scoffed, shaking your head gently against his body. “if anyone’s scared it’s you,” you retorted, looking up at him through your eyelashes.

josh looked back down at you, this time holding the eye contact. both of your eyes simultaneously flicked between the others eyes and lips—the two of you thinking the same thing.

your lips parted almost instinctively, both of you leaning in—

“am i interrupting something?”

hannah’s voice cut through the tension like a knife—neither of you even heard her coming. you sat up quickly, blush evident on your cheeks.

“not at all,” josh replied, his arm still around hour shoulders—he seemed rather calm—but his body was tense against yours.

you didn’t want to admit it, but it was so excruciatingly obvious she interrupted something. with the way she was grinning, she had to have known it too.

a small smile fell on your lips, looking at her, that same mischievous smile that her sister wore was now on her face.

beth was right. you and josh dance around the topic too much—at this point, you need to come up with your own choreography for it. the fact you two almost kissed—faces so close—yet so far.

how long were you going to have to wait for it to happen again?

thank you all for being so patient while i took my time writing this. pretty sure i experienced writers block lmao? i got kind of lazy halfway through but hope you enjoyed!!! let me know what you think in the comments pretty plzz tried to hurry this shit out like 3 days ago and got bored but now i REALLY had to have it done by today so i could watch arcane s2 LMAOO also i'd like to say that i got my layout inspo from ruewrote, so thank you for having a blog (lol)

[landograndprix]

「Feel the magic ๛ l.n」

part ii

✧.* it's the end of the season and you've never been so eager to say goodbye to your team and while your'e celebrating the end of another era, lando shoots his shot, making you question everything.

✧.* reader is older. Slow-burn who? Don't know her. Taglist open! Typos add some personality, ignore them pls 😂

✧.* prev part - next part

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teamy/n

liked by landonorris, y/nusername and 189,783 others

teamy/n getting some laps in with the papayas 🧡

tagged: y/nusername, mclaren

view all 367 comments

landoscar this is the best thing to wake up to 🥰

hannahh this family suits her so much better

charlos16 that's hot 🔥

mclaren welcome back y/n! 🧡

y/nusername 🧡

julieeeexo can't wait to see what you're going to do next season!

landonorris the color suits you 😉

norrizz boy stop flirting, isn't y/n in a relationship?

bott_ass haven't seen them together in a while so they might've broken up!

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y/nusername

liked by albon_pets, landonorris and 215,871 others

y/nusername reunited with the youths 🐾

view all 625 comments

carlandooo look at my siblings being all cute and shit 🥰

milouberger youths? Mans is 56 in dog years.

cecilemoulin time to put him in a retirement home

y/nusername bully a dog? Life must be at a all time low for the two of you..

y/nusername keep my son's name out of your fucking mouth

f1girlies I can't with these three 💀

livelaughlovelando I just know these pets are spoiled rotten 😭

albon_pets play date when?

y/nusername they are grounded 😔

albon_pets for being too cute? 😔

hamilt44n dash just chilling, basking in the sun, unbothered king

landonorris gotta meet them soon

norrizz yeah are you ready to be a dad lando?

landoscar boy is just not hiding it anymore 😂

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if you want to be removed from a taglist, please let me know. Of your name is in red, it means I was unable to tag you!

Everything taglist; @thomaslefteyebrow @hopefulinlove @smoothopz @softboystarkey @buffysummrsx @honethatty12 @cixrosie @parkersmjs @ireadthensuetheauthors @celestialams @be-your-coffee-pot @idkiwantchocolatee @heli991113 @kodzuvk @reality-is-a-con @80sloverry @bibissparkles

Lando taglist: @beatricemiruna @simp-for-fictional-people @ihrtdan @landossainz

Feel the magic taglist: @lighttssoutlewis @celesteblack08 @mrsmaybank13 @cha-hot @judesgfirl @fangirl25reader @guilliaabergaminii @roseseraj @moonclaine @kissesandmartinis @jpg3 @amulhermaisfelizdomundo @marialovesf1 @silkenthusiasts @luvrrish @di-yum

[tokkiwrites]

FAWN HEART PART TWO : When you wake up.

dark!joel x f!reader

part two | part one | part three | more coming soon.

summary: after a few months of being together, you move in with your boyfriend, 'Adam'. The landlord, Joel Miller, takes a special liking to you.

tags: dark!joel !!!!! , murder, violence, stalking, spying, mention of abuse, mention of knife, mention of blood, violence, age gap, vulnerable reader, stalker joel, mentions of abusive relationship.

ㅤ↪ㅤtokki's ۫ 𐑺 𝚜𝚞ׂ𝚐𝚊𝚛 ࣭ note ˑ ⌕ ࣭ ּ ➭ i have returned >:))) this has 2k words of just...traumatizing events for fawn so please be careful!! i tried my best. so sorry for leaving you all on a cliffhanger, promise the next part is coming soon!!!!!

【commencing】: " unhappy can't be a feeling because i dont feel not happy. i feel disappointed, alone, ugly, and cold. unhappy is for mere inconveniences, not my long time struggle with accepting my reality. i dont want to believe this is who i am and that all of this is real. i wish this were all a dream. and then I'd wake up soon, being happy, beautiful, and a little less cold."

「july 3rd ㅡ OO:56 AM」

You trembled, wide eyes flickering between Joel and the lifeless body of Adam. Joel's expression remained hard as he knelt down, wiping the blade on Adam's shirt before sheathing it. "Come here," he commanded, holding out a hand. His voice, though calm, had an edge that sent a shiver down your whole body. "It's over now, baby. He can't hurt you anymore." he reassured you.

You hesitated, fear gripping you. Instead of moving closer, you took a step back, your frame shaking as the adrenaline slowly drained from your body. Joel's eyes narrowed, and his expression darkened. "I said, come here, girl" he repeated, his voice more insistent, more menacing. Panic surged through you, and without another thought, you turned and bolted, running towards your apartment. Your heart pounded as you sprinted up the stairs, your breath coming in ragged gasps. Behind you, you could hear Joel's footsteps, slow and deliberate, following you.

You reached your door, fumbling with the key, your hands shaking uncontrollably. You managed to unlock the door and slipped inside, slamming it shut behind you. You locked it, your breath coming in heaving sobs. The apartment was dark, the only light coming from the moon outside. You backed away from the door, trying to steady your breathing ㅡ trying to think. The sickening game of hide and seek had begun. You heard Joel's footsteps approaching, his pace unhurried, almost leisurely. Like he enjoyed this. As if... He was the predator and you were his sweet, sweet prey.

"Running won't help, fawn baby" he called out, his voice echoing through the hallway. "You know.. I've always loved you. Always watched over you." You crept through the apartment, looking for a place to hide. The closet? Under the bed? Your mind raced as you heard the doorknob jiggle, then the sound of it being forced open. "You can't hide from me," Joel's voice was closer now. "I know every corner of this place." You slid under the bed, your hands shaking as you tried to stay quiet. The door creaked open, and you could see Joel's boots as he stepped inside.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," he taunted, his voice sending chills down your spine. This was a game for him. "You can't escape me. I've always been there for you, watching, protecting. Even if you didn't know. Just come to me, and it'll all be over, sweet thing." he coos. His footsteps grew louder, closer. You held your breath, praying he wouldn't find you, knowing that if he did, the nightmare would only get worse.

You trembled uncontrollably under the bed, tears streaming down your face as you tried to stifle your sobs. Your mind raced with confusion and terror. Who was this man really? You had never spoken to him until now, just seen him in passing by. Why was he doing this? Had he been stalking you all this time? Your thoughts spiraled, each one more horrifying than the last. You recalled moments when you felt eyes on you, the inexplicable sense of being watched. Had it been Joel all along? The realization made your skin crawl.

As you tried to make sense of it all, Joel's voice cut through the darkness like a knife. "My beautiful girl..." His words sent a wave of nausea through you. You had never given him any reason to think you wanted his attention. The idea that he had been lurking in the shadows, observing you, filled you with a new kind of dread. Your breaths were shallow, and your chest tightened as panic set in. You had to stay quiet, had to think of a way out, but your mind was clouded by fear. The sound of his boots moving through the apartment made your heart race faster. Each step he took brought him closer to finding you. "I'm going to find you," Joel whispered, his tone sickeningly sweet. "And when I do, you'll see how much I care, baby."

You clamped a hand over your mouth, desperate to silence the sobs threatening to escape. Tears blurred your vision as you tried to focus. There had to be a way out, a way to escape this. But all you could think of was the horror of him finding you, of what he might do once he did. The boots stopped right next to the bed. You could see them clearly now, just inches away. Joel knelt down, and you could see his face peering under the bed. His eyes met yours, and a twisted smile spread across his face. "There you are, my fawn." he said softly, almost tenderly. "I knew you couldn't hide from me forever. You can't last a moment without me, right?"

You froze, every muscle in your body tensed. He reached out a hand, and you scrambled backward, your body reacting on pure instinct. You had to get away, had to survive.

"Please," you whimpered, your voice barely a whisper. "Please, Mr.Miller, just leave me alone..." Joel's expression hardened, his eyes cold and unfeeling. "I can't do that," he said, his voice devoid of the false warmth it had held before. "You're mine, baby."

As he reached further under the bed, you knew you had to act. Summoning every ounce of strength and courage you had left, you kicked out, catching him off guard. He grunted in pain, and you took the opportunity to scramble out from under the bed, running toward the door. Your mind was a blur of fear and desperation. You had to get out, had to find help. As you reached for the doorknob, Joel's hand closed around your ankle, pulling you back.

"No!" you screamed, kicking wildly. "Let me go!"

Joel's grip tightened, and he yanked you toward him with frightening strength. "Stop being a fucking brat," he growled, his face twisted with rage and something else, something darker.

You fought with everything you had, knowing that if you stopped, even for a second, you would be lost. The apartment seemed to close in around you, the walls echoing your cries for help, but offering no escape. In the midst of the struggle, you spotted a heavy lamp on the table. Desperation gave you the strength you didn't know you had. You reached out, grabbing it, and swung it with all your might. The lamp connected with Joel's head, and he let out a pained roar, his grip loosening.

You didn't wait to see the damage. You tore yourself free and ran, not daring to look back. Your only thought was escape, to get as far away from Joel as possible. Your mind was a whirlwind of fear, confusion, and a desperate will to survive. You didn't know where you were going, but you knew you had to keep running while you had the time.

“She’ll come to her senses,” Joel thought, as he spat out some blood onto the beige carpet on the floor and got up, retracting the blade from his pocket once more. “Baby, I don’t want to hurt you...” he tried to lure you. “Let’s talk, yeah? Get to know each other...”

You managed to hide behind your bookcase, in the space behind it you had always found awkward but now seemed like it might just save your life. Might. Your heart pounded in your chest as you squeezed into the cramped space, trying to control your ragged breathing. The shadows seemed to wrap around you, offering a thin veil of protection. Joel's footsteps echoed ominously as he moved through the apartment, his voice dripping like cold blood on a knife

“Come on, darling. We can make this work. I just want to talk. I’ve always cared about you...See, I even stoped that bitch you called a boyfriend from hurting you." The fear was paralyzing. You never thought someone could harbor such twisted feelings. It was as if your world had suddenly become a horror film, and you were the unwilling star.

The room fell eerily silent. Then, with a loud creak, the bookcase began to move. Joel was pushing it down.“Please,” you whispered, barely audible even to yourself. “Please, Mr.Miller, just go away. ill do what you want, please justㅡ just don't kill me..” you were pleading.

"I need you, angel baby... 's why I won't kill you. Butㅡ"

With a crash, the bookcase toppled over, exposing your hiding spot. Joel stood there, the knife gleaming in his hand, his eyes filled with a murky, possessive madness. "But it seems like i need to knock some sense into that pretty head of yours, no?" he said softly, his tone almost tender.

"You're lying," you managed to spit out, trying to back away as he stepped over the trinkets that were before on the bookcase, the porcelain cracking under his heavy feet. "I'm not, sweet angel..." he spreads his arms out. "I'm notㅡ do you think i would've left you to run away if i wanted that..? could've just killed you right then and there." Joel stares up at you, gaze resembling a puppy dog, as he makes his way closer. You are trapped, and there's no place for you to back up further. You heart almost stops, sweat running cold as you faintly feel the sharp tip of his knife onto your stomach and dragging it up. "Love you too much to kill you, baby. You're too pretty to die, noㅡ you were made for me to keep safe and adore.." he shakes his head.

And you finally let out those tears, weeping as the knife traces its path to your cheek. Each tear feels like a cascade of anguish, a torrent of confusion, and desperation pouring from the depths of your soulㅡ as if each droplet carries a fragment of your shattered innocence, leaving you raw and vulnerable.As the tears stream down your face, they leave behind a trail of bitterness, mingling with the metallic tang of blood where the blade grazed your skin.

As you cry, Joel leans down and licks up a stripe along the small cut he just made into your cheeks reddened with tears. "Don't cry, sweet girl.." Your body trembles with each sob, your chest heaving as you struggle to catch your breath. Each cry feels like a betrayal, a surrender to the nightmare that ensnares you. You want to fight, to scream, to get out of his grip, but all you can do is yield to the flood of emotions.

As the tears continue to flow, a quiet resolve settles within you. feeling Joel wrap his arms around you, you were too afraid to say anything but sit and let his twisted fantasy play out. "You smell so divine, angel.." The room spins around you, the walls closing in as if to suffocate you in your despair. One more breath, and you feel him bring one of his arms around your head, "I regret that it's come to this, darling. But you've been quite disobedient," he murmurs. With those words, the handle of his knife descends upon the back of your head, plunging you into darkness "I should've remembered to bring the tranquilizer," he mutters to himself, remorse laced with frustration evident in his voice. "You'll wake up a good girl, I know it."

[wyattjohnston]

with the posting of the masterlist, the summer fic exchange 2k24 has come to an end! 33 fics written by 31 people. i am eternally grateful that these exchanges are still going strong and that people are having fun with it!

please read all the fics below, even if it's a player you don't normally read for. a lot of work has gone into these fics and they all deserve your time. make sure to reblog and leave comments when you've read it!

please respect all warnings at the beginning of fics. if a fic has been marked as smut or 18+ and you are younger than, do the right thing and do not read it.

i'm still unsure if i'm running a winter exchange or if i'm going to maybe reconsider the timing, but please come back and feel free to ask questions around november/december if i haven't said anything!

the summer fic exchange 2k24 masterlist

Boston Bruins

Jeremy Swayman

Indoor Cat by @nhl-stories for @ bqstqnbruin

Carolina Hurricanes

Andrei Svechnikov

i’ve been yours since you stepped through the door tonight by @writingonleaves for @ callsign-denmark

Third Time's the Charm by @typical-simplelove for @ kurlyteuvo

Frederik Andersen

But Baby, It Feels Like Love by @callsign-denmark for @ mp0625

Chicago Hawks

Teuvo Teravainen

I Think I Dreamed You Into Life by @kurlyteuvo for @ lila-rose

Colorado Avalanche

Nathan MacKinnon

hide the sun by @ohmyeyesmyeyes for @ wyattjohnston

Edmonton Oilers

Connor McDavid

i'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet by @offside-the-lines for @ hiding-from-reality-56

Leon Draisaitl

… but you're going to by @senditcolton for @ thewintersoldierdisaster

Blue Hair and Pronouns by @hiding-from-reality-56 for @ nhl-stories

Florida Panthers

Matthew Tkachuk

always attract by @dunnerlars for @ sc0tters

truth or dare by @boqvistsbabe for @ ohmyeyesmyeyes

Montreal Canadiens

Cole Caufield

four weddings and a funeral by @thewintersoldierdisaster for @ prettytoxicrevolver

Juraj Slafkovsky

Summer Vacation by @prettytoxicrevolver for @ lam-ila

New Jersey Devils

Dawson Mercer

Baseball and Love by @lam-ila for @ hischier-papaya

Jack Hughes

CHASING YES by @puckology101 for @ tonsypep

Nico Hischier

home is just another word for you by @fallinallincurls for @ puckology101

felt like magic by @laurenairay for @ selfindulgentpoorlywritten

good luck, babe by @nol-pat for @ fallinallincurls

turbulent by @wyattjohnston for @ dunnerlars

walked in and dream came trued it for ya by @gravestrain for @ nol-pat

New York Islanders

Mat Barzal

First Time Feeling by @huuuuughes for @ ahockeywrites

truth or dare by @dunnerlars for @ writingonleaves

Matt Martin

I can't help it if I like it by @laurenairay for @ comphy-and-cozy

New York Rangers

Alexis Lafreniere

Romance in The Hamptons by @lifeofpriya for @ wildrangers

Matt Rempe

MEDICINE by @lila-rose for @ 2 manytabsopen

Pittsburgh Penguins

Anthony Beauvillier

one night standards by @comphy-and-cozy for @ offsidethelines

Tattoos of You by @bqstqnbruin for @ senditcolton

Ryan Graves

The First Time by @selfindulgentpoorlywritten for @ gravestrain

Seattle Kraken

Philipp Grubauer

Pfirsich by @mp0625 for @ huuuuughes

Toronto Maple Leafs

Joseph Woll

sunset by @hischier-papaya for @ lifeofpriya

William Nylander

I Wish You Would by @wildrangers for @ typical-simplelove

Vancouver Canucks

Quinn Hughes

somehow still stuck on you by @matthewtkachuk for @ boqvistsbabe

walkin' with his head down, i'm the one he's walking to by @tonyspep for @ laurenairay

if the person you wrote for hasn’t read and reblogged your fic, please tell me.

i only tag the person who wrote the fic as there are limited tags.

[planesky]

Every Outcome I Got Out Of The Website

(thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com)

-I keep updating this-

1. The Gun / Gun - “Oh Yes Oh Yes Oh Yes They Both”.

2. Dorito - Bill Cipher Jump Scare.

3. Matpat / Theory - Matpat Video.

4. Blanchin - https://youtu.be/iW29Peruj-0?si=tJCbMXskZ2PE_2PK

5. Alex / Alex Hirsch - Google Search “Flannel”.

6. Blind Eye - Eye Exam Code.

7. Giffany - “Input Deleted. AI Antiviral. Activated.”

8. T J Eckleburg - “Never Mention That Name Again”

9. Adastraperaspera / Ad Astra Per Aspera - Journal Pages About Bill’s Corpse.

10. Dipper - Note From Bill To Dipper.

11. Mabel - “Lab Now Fully Mabelized” after a few clicks.

12. Stanford - Lab Report.

13. Stanley / Stanley Pines - Ebuy Stanley Related Items, After Six Clicks “The Wheel Of Shame”, A Poem After You Click On “How He Beat Me” Many Times.

14. Wendy - Note To Wendy From Unknown.

15. Soos - Letter From Soos.

16. CIA / FBI - “Your Webcam Is On. We Are Watching”.

17. Nothing - “Something”.

18. Something - “Nothing”.

19. McGucket - https://youtu.be/mOYZaiDZ7BM?si=SpB78zp3ZO5BZyRv

20. Gravity Falls - “Never Heard Of It”.

21. Skibidi / Gyatt - “Life Privilege Provoked. Now Releasing Poision Gas.”

22. Fuck / Shit / Bitch - Note “Not S&P Approved”.

23. Triangle - “)”.

24. Pacifica - A Letter From Pacifica.

25. Gideon - Google Search “Sweet Resistant Bolo Ties”.

26. Mystery- “?”.

27. Journal 1 - “The Journal For Fun”.

28. Journal 2 - “The Journal For You”.

29. Journal 3 - “The Journal For Me”.

30. Axolotl - “You Ask Alotl Questions”.

31. Bill - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_of_Providence

32. Bill Cipher - https://youtu.be/cZdiFNhu31c?si=-_-vBtwmRtunKcAr

33. Cipher - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle

34. Death - “Life’s Goth Cousin”.

35. Life - “Life: 72% Complete. Now Loading: Death”.

36. Book Of Bill: “Hide It Under Shirt During Pledge Of Allegiance”.

37. Scary - Book Named “Spookemups” By B. Cipher.

38. Ducktective - “Ducktective Stars In “Love, Quacktually” Coming To: “Oi, It’s The Cockney Chunnel Innit?” This Fall”.

39. Card - Bill Cipher Business Card.

40. Geometry / Plato / Greek / Greece - Page About Plato And The Pythagorean Theorem In Ancient Greece.

41. Mystery Shack - Google Search “Confusion Hill”.

42. Babba / Disco Girl - Dipper Singing.

43. Lies - Lies Board Game And Explanation about Truth.

44. Answer - “Question”.

45. Question - “Answer”.

46. Season 1 / Season -1 - “Season -1: Antigravity Falls”.

47. Season 2 / Season -2 - “Season 1”.

48. Season 3 / Season -3 - “Season 2”.

49. Sorry - A Picture Of Fiddleford And Stanford.

50. Lalala / Daddy / Baby - Bill Ultrasound.

51. Disney - “Rat.gif Censored For Your Protection”.

52. Rat - “Thurburts’ Number?”

53. Reality - “Is An Illusion”.

54. Universe - “Hologram”.

55. R34lity - Polaroids Of The Henchmaniacs.

56. Love / Romance - Book Named “The Love Triangle” By Tabitha Lustheart.

57. Waddles - https://pigplacementnetwork.org/

58. God - A video of an Axolotl swimming next to a bill statue.

59. Meow - https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS2dBpWYf/

60. Naitsuaf - A Page About Selling Your Soul.

61. Weird - A Video Of A Man Stuck Inside The Computer.

62. Fixinit - https://youtu.be/zgKSrJ_hmNY?feature=shared

63. Mason - Note From Dipper About Anagrams.

64. Who Are You - “I Could Ask You The Same Question”.

65. Monster - Google Search “THERES A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK”.

66. Platinum Paz - A Story About Pacifica.

67. Robbie - Messages Between Robbie And Thompson.

68. Love Ya Bro - A Doodle Of The Grunkle With A Code On The Back.

69. Vallis Cineris - A Video Of Little Bill.

70. Pines - “A Good Family Tree”.

71. Blendin - “Time Agent Lost And Presumed Incompetent”.

72. Imstillonyourmind - A Video Of The Ocean With Unknown Voice.

73. Tantrum - A Transcript Of A Conversation Between Bill And The Time Baby.

74. Hectoring - A Song About Bill.

75. Irregular - Bill Mugshot With A Code.

76. Paperjam - A Picture Of Messed Up Print Dipper.

77. Shave Your Grandma - Textbook Page About The Human Life Cycle.

78. Hotxolotl - Bill Cyper Wanted Report.

79. One Eyed King - Bill Hypnosis.

80. Titans Blood - “Hoot Hoot. Password Please!”.

81. Kings Of New Jersey - Downloaded A Zip File On My Computer, The Zip Contains The Font Of The Code Behind The Love You Bro Doodle.

82. Just Fit In - A Board Game Commercial With Sad Background Music.

83. Music - It Doesn’t Response To The Word, Nothing Changes Including The Background Music And It Doesn’t Show An X.

84. Cryptogram Codex - Fonts Of Several Codes.

85. Divorce / Breakup - Gives you “O’ Sadleys” Logo.

86. XGQRTHX - “Where Do Tri Angles Come From?”

87. When Will I Die - Says A Random Number Each Time.

88. Abuelita - https://youtu.be/1sdZazjDq-4?si=YAwvWQdWJVHE3_QS

89. Portal - “Portal.exe has been deleted. I bet you could build one”.

90. Cray Cray - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_health

91. Multilevel Mark - “Who Defeated Silas Birchtree—?”

92. I see - “Is Seeing Believing?”

93. Pinata - Someone Hitting A Bill Cipher Pinãta.

94. Euclid / Scalene - “Life Form Not Found”.

95. Horror / Urban Legend - The “Always Garden”.

96. Forget The Past - Color Techincal Error.

97. Dippy Fresh - Reddit - https://i.redd.it/4p4142atrf381.jpg

98. Morality - Fun Game.

99. Oroborous - Journal Pages About Axolotl And Bill.

100. Xyler - https://youtu.be/lkQE5wuBFeY?feature=shared

101. Well Well Well Being - “Paitent File: Bill Cipher. Greatest Love: Himself. Greatest Fear: Himself.”

102. Theraprism - Brochure With A Code.

103. Deer Teeth - “For You, Kid!”

104. Weirdmageddon - The Gravity Falls Gossiper News Paper Artical.

105. Glass Shard Beach - Wildwoods-Sportland-Pier-2-1024x667.jpg 1,024×667 pixels

106. Curse Wittebane - Bill Seance Board.

107. Tad Strange - Bread Cutting Montage.

108. Burned Inside - A Video Of A Oregon Park Department Tag On The Ground.

109. Boo Berry - The Meaning Of Life.

110. Fuck You Alex - Google Search “Get Help Therapy”.

111. Harolds Ramblings - “How Is Clown Repellent Made?”

112. Butternubbins - “You’ve Earned A Treat! Enter “Dispense My Treat” To Download”.

113. Dispense My Treat - Zip file named “BILLS FILES DO NOT OPEN!!” And contains photos from the book.

114. Goodnight Sally - A Yellow TShirt.

*When you click the skull’s golden teeth you get a “Get Out Of Death Card”.

**When you click the book you get a letter from Stanford to Dipper.

***When you click the McGUCKET LABS Engraving on top of the computer you get a Letter from McGucket.

****When you click “The Book Of Bill” at the end of the page you get a link to the B&N Exclusive edition of the book The Book of Bill (B&N Exclusive Edition) by Alex Hirsch, Hardcover | Barnes & Noble® .

*****When you click the button next to the red switch the computer loses reception.

******When you click the eye in the bottle you get a picture of “Failed Portal Attempt #47: Altantis” with explanation.

Decoding:

Prism Code - SORRY

Stanford’s Letter In The Book - Ad Astra Pav Aspera

How He Defeted Me - (I cAN STilL sEe) Through The Eyes Of Everyone I’ve Ever.

Candle Code - ?

Wall Code - ?

Morse Code Hypnosis - Naitsuaf

Theraprism Code - (In Case Of) The Old One (Do Not Use Elevators).

[tired-truffle]

Something's Gotta Give Masterlist

Something's Gotta Give: Cullen x Female Lavellan

AO3

In Progress (Updates regularly)

Summary: Ashvalla Lavellan wasn't supposed to fall in love with the distrustful Commander of the Inquisition. She was supposed to find her sister - now the Herald of Andraste - in a village full of Shems, ensure her safety, and do everything necessary to ensure she remained alive. But being possessed by a spirit of Love meant she could not hide from her unwanted feelings, nor could she escape the reality of her situation; no matter how much she wished otherwise, a possessed mage and a former Templar could never be. If only that could stop her heart beating faster every time she was near him.

Word Count: 266.1k

Posted: December 26th, 2024

Updated: May 29th, 2025

Chapters: (Prologue) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

(10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21)

(22) (23) (24) (25) (26) (27) (28) (29) (30) (31) (32)

(33) (34) (35) (36) (37) (Interlude) (38) (39) (40) (41)

(42) (43) (44) (45) (46) (47) (48) (49) (50) (51) (52)

(53) (54) (55) (56) (57)

Tarot Card Art

Cullen and Ash Art

NSFW Art (on Deviantart)

NSFW Art Part 2 (on Deviantart)

NSFW Art Desk Scene (on Deviantart)

Trying His Breast - Slight NSFW (on Deviantart)

Ash and Cullen Romancers OCs

Ash and Cullen NSFW by phillypumpkin

Cullen Carrying Ash by knuttydraws

Rae by emolgana

Playlist

[maybe-boys-do-love]

Scams, Fakes, Performance, & Belief

Peaceful Property: On Sale, ep. 4

This week's episode was filled with fakes: online order scams, magicians, compromised democratic processes, and a fake ghost. What reasons do we have to believe in anything? Everything is just an attempt to pull the wool over our eyes while the rugs get pulled out from under us so others can make a quick buck and protect their own hide. Who wants to be fooled by all the shams?

Pangpang does. Jan Ployshompoo has been fantastic in this role, and she got to devour this episode. Jan specializes in a 'camp' performance style that's easy to undervalue. 'Camp' acting involves overacting the characters and emotions, and lesser actors often approach it with self-awareness and cynicism. Jan understands my favorite note on camp that Susan Sontag wrote.

“56. Camp taste is a kind of love, love for human nature. It relishes, rather than judges, the little triumphs and awkward intensities of “character.” . . . Camp taste identifies with what it is enjoying. People who share this sensibility are not laughing at the thing they label as “a camp,” they’re enjoying it. Camp is a tender feeling.”

The tender affection in Jan's 'camp' hits the themes of this episode home (no pun intended) because she infuses compassion for her over-the-top characters. They get to have range and reasons for their shallowness.

Pangpang's manic overperformance as a social-media influencer has been all about naively buying into every gimmick for herself and from others. Home, probably from his own similarities, points out to Peach how she's doing this as a form of compensation. All along she needed to believe in something because she needed to believe in her brother, to believe when no one else would in his debilitating fear and grief. She didn't need evidence to believe he saw ghosts as he said. She needed to believe she could be there for him even if she didn't know how. Pangpang chooses enchantment because staying true to her brother and her own feelings of loss over their parents are more important than being the winner of some existential argument.

The problem of deception lies at the heart of performance, and I often have a sense that performers and production crews invest a little more when they have to address it (Foei Patara who played Chobkol GAVE!). They have to prove that there is value and truth in the make-believe and assisting people in doing it. For a while, they need their audience to return to the magic of childhood so that they'll clap to show they believe in fairies when Tinkerbell's light begins to fade.

I loved how Peaceful Property symbolized this return to innocence as an egg, a kind of spiritual rebirth. If we want to believe in the magic of fantasy (Kan), the potential in ourselves (Peach), and the value of others (Home), we have to let go of our guarded cynicism. It won't eliminate the harsher truths of reality. They'll arrive one way or another. But we don't need to be the person who crushes our own dreams or who crush others' dreams just because we're scared of being vulnerable. We need to be people like Pangpang who want to believe and help others on their journey to believing good things are possible.

[voxina]

K-pop artist Bain of Just B is ready to live his true and authentic self.

During a concert with his group last week in Los Angeles, Bain, whose real name is Song Byeong-hee, came out to his fans.

“Tonight, I want to share something with you,” he said before his solo performance of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way.” “I’m fucking proud to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, as a gay person. Shout out to my queen Lady Gaga, who showed me that being different is beautiful. To everyone out there who’s part of LGBTQ+ or still figuring it out, this is for you guys. And, also, this is for everyone. You’re seen. You’re loved. And, you are born this way.”

The crowd erupted in cheers in full support of the 23-year-old singer after his announcement. He didn’t plan to come out during the North American leg of their Just Odd World Tour. However, it happened as he started receiving support and love from the fans throughout their tour.

“When we arrived in LA, it just felt natural – like it was the right time to share my true self with them,” Bain said in an email. “Their love gave me the courage to take that step.”

Immediately following his performance, news of his coming out went viral, with support from fans worldwide. Many sent him words of encouragement and congratulations on social media, some creating videos to express how much it meant to see an active artist living their truth.

Bain is honored and touched by all the love he’s received from the fans. He says he can’t fully put into words how much he appreciates the kindness people have shown him, feeling a “strong sense of responsibility to continue living honestly.”

“Seeing so many people resonate with my story has been incredibly moving, and it’s something I carry close to my heart every day,” says Bain. “It’s made me realize that sharing who I am can be a source of comfort, not just for myself, but for others too.”

For the artist, who began his musical journey as a contestant of 2018’s K-pop reality survival show, Under Nineteen, competing against 56 other contestants for a spot in a new K-pop idol group. While he did not make it into the final group, many entertainment companies noticed his talent and recruited him as a member of Bluedot Entertainment’s group, Just B. They debuted in 2021 with the release of their first mini-album, Just Burn.

Throughout that time, Bain never revealed his sexuality, which he found difficult and almost suffocating. There were times when he questioned his self-worth.

“Pretending to be someone I wasn’t, day after day, felt like I was slowly fading away,” he admits. “I convinced myself it was necessary — that hiding a part of myself was the price I had to pay to protect my dreams, my career, and the people I care about. But in the end, it left deep scars.”

Bain had only told his fellow members – Geonu, Lim Jimin, Siwoo, DY, and Sangwoo – the truth only two years ago, and received immediate acceptance and support from them. Yet, in an industry like K-pop, Bain had many doubts about coming out, fearing the group would lose fans and opportunities, as well as his career. It wasn’t until his team and company encouraged him to be genuine with himself after they’d seen him suffer in silence for many years.

“Before the announcement, I had already discussed it with them and with our company,” he reveals. “I asked them for their advice and thoughts, and everyone was incredibly supportive. Having their understanding and encouragement made it possible for me to take this step with confidence. In the end, I realized that being true to myself was the most important thing – not just for me, but for the authenticity of our team as well.”

On their official fan forum, Siwoo, knowing the hardship and pain Bain had faced holding this secret, expressed his love and support for his teammate, telling the fans, “Byeong-hee was amazing today. I applaud his courage. I was watching backstage, and it brought me to tears.”

Bain’s performance of Lady Gaga’s 2011 gay anthem “Born This Way” was very freeing for him, as the song and artist had made a significant impact on his life. Through Gaga’s words, he felt inspired to embrace his real self, even in the face of pressure or expectation.

“She’s shown me that vulnerability is strength, and that art is about being real, even when it’s difficult,” he says. “I am deeply grateful to her for inspiring me to be unapologetically myself and for showing me the power of authenticity.”

His message to the crowd was intended for everyone, including future artists who may struggle with their identity, and that they should not have to hide who they are to succeed.

“I will show that being true to yourself is not a barrier to success but rather a way to create art that’s authentic and meaningful,” he explains. “I hope that by sharing my story, other artists will feel empowered to do the same, knowing that they are not alone and that their unique qualities have the power to make a real impact on the world.”

While homosexuality is not illegal in South Korea, there is still a prejudice against those in the LGBTQ+ community due to the country’s conservative upbringing. Though times have changed, it’s still very rare for public figures in Korea, especially active K-pop idols, to be openly gay.

Korean broadcaster Hong Seok-cheon faced discrimination when he first came out 25 years ago, losing friends and his career. After being forced out of the entertainment industry, he found success as a restaurateur and in several businesses. As the industry and audience became more open and accepting, he began acting again and hosting several talk shows, including his popular show, Jewel Box.

In an interview with Korean media, Hong celebrated Bain’s coming out and sent an open invitation for the singer to come on Jewel Box. “First of all, it’s something to celebrate. I've never met [Bain], but I sympathized with what worries and thoughts I came out with and how hard it must have been to make that decision. It takes courage to come out, but in fact, it takes more courage to endure it."

Although Bain has received a lot of love, he has also encountered some negative comments, leaving him a sense of guilt and sadness. But he doesn’t let that get him down. He is thankful for his fans as they’ve been his driving force behind everything he does. And, as an artist, he’s “committed to continuing to create great music and present the best version of myself.”

“Coming out wasn’t about being brave — it was about survival,” Bain says. “I just needed to breathe again. And thankfully, that moment finally came. Now, without carrying that weight, I can live lighter, stronger, and truer to myself. For the first time, I feel truly alive.”

Source: [x]

[ijustdontlikepeople]

Brian Dumoulin 🌼 Aesthetic as requested by @hiding-from-reality-56 for emoji edits

[hockeywasmyfirstlove]

Thanks so much for the tag, @couthbbg!!!

The Christmas Tree Deco is an app that allows you to leave little notes for your friends and they’ll get to open them on Christmas Day!

🌲 here’s the link to my tree 🌲

I’m tagging @minchymarn, @neon-medusae, @anactualfungus, @hiding-from-reality-56, @gaps-between-stories, @dwisp, @puckszone, @yamball, @angry-geno-is-score, @captainplant, @neutron-stars, @marblish0220, and really anyone else who wants to, it’s so fun!!

I can’t wait to write messages for everyone so please tag me when you make one!! 💌

[eternal-echoes]

“As the prophet Jeremiah noted even longer ago than Orwell, Steiner, and Pieper, every one of us, given the right combination of pressure and temptation, has a heart that can be "deceitful above all things and desperately corrupt" (17:9). Too often in the real world, as one scholar observed, quoting Pascal, "We 'hate the truth, and people hide it from us; we want to be flattered, and people flatter us; we like being deceived, and we are deceived.’ The deceptions we particularly seem to want are those that comfort, insulate, legitimate and provide ready excuses for inaction."(29)

Every deceit is a trip to unreality, and unreality can be a pleasant place to visit. But it's a narcotic that always wears off with an ugly hangover. For an individual, a taste for it is tragic. For a people, it's lethal.

You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free. So says the Gospel of John (8:32). There is no justice, no beauty, no goodness, without truth, because truth is the voice of God's authentic reality. Truth is the measure of reality itself; and without it, "justice" is a human equation based on power and arbitrary will. We were meant for something higher. We were made to be the kind of creatures who share in the glory of God himself. Freedom is the self-mastery to know and to do what's right, and thus to have the capacity to stand upright in the presence of God's judgment and love.

And this is why the great American Catholic writer Flannery O'Connor said that the truth will not only make you free, it will also make you odd. In a world of hyperbole, duplicity, factual disfigurement, and spin, speaking plainly and living honestly in obedience to Jesus Christ is an abnormal behavior. And the cost of that discipleship (but also its rewards) can be high.”

-Archbishop Charles J. Chaput, Strangers in a Strange Land: Living the Catholic Faith in a Post-Christian World

—

(29) McEntyre, Caring for Words, 56-57.

[aerbiscuit]

From the April Fools Fart questions:

3.Have you ever farted too carelessly that it promoted into a shart instead?

15.What have you done to try and hide your farts? Have they worked?

56.Describe your most rancid fart.

3. Have you ever farted too carelessly that it promoted into a shart instead?

Fortunately, I can say that this has never happened to me! As much as I love farting, sharting isn’t my cup of tea.

15. What have you done to try and hide your farts? Have they worked?

Hmm… when I’m out in public, I either maintain a brisk pace if I’m actively walking (to quote one of my favorite Game Grumps bits, “No one will ever know! I’ll be miles from here!”), or I sneak off to a place that’s isolated and/or strongly scented. Stores that sell incense or perfume (or that have really strongly smelling soap sections) are life savers.

If I’m around people, then I try to disguise how I move to let out a fart silently. I’ll pretend like I’m only stretching or working a kink out of my back, when in reality, I’m lifting a hip and letting something slowly hiss out.

Usually all of these strategies work. However, silently letting out farts around people is always risky in case they smell. I don’t think my farts are rank enough to cause a commotion, but it can be embarrassing if I realize I’m surrounded by a sudden funk. In that case, I just remain very neutral and act like nothing happened. It’s up to the other people to address it and make it real.

56. Describe your most rancid fart.

Hmmm…. nope!

Like I’ve said before, my farts aren’t really “rancid,” and even then, my strengths don’t lie in describing fart smells. Sorry to disappoint you there!

[inkedwingss]

Raskolnikov's fever

— an essay on prefigurations in ''Crime & Punishment''

This essay ''discusses'' many characters without providing detailed introductions, so readers who haven’t read the book might find some aspects unclear. However, this shouldn’t significantly affect the overall understanding. Oh, and obviously: this essay contains spoilers.

PART I

With an ''irritable state of mind'', ''so absorbed in himself (...), so isolated from anyone else'' (p. 5), Raskolnikov is an entire generation's timeless mirror, amusing himself with fantasies. ''Just pretty pictures'' (p. 6) for him, harmless thoughts.

He meets the stranger, the drunk man who believes and screams: ''Why should anyone feel pity for me, you say? Indeed! There's nothing to pity me for! I ought to be crucified, crucified upon a cross, not pitied! Crucify him, O Heavenly Judge, crucify him and, when it is done, take pity on him! And then I will come to thee for mortification, for it is not merrymaking that I seek, but sorrow and tears!'' (p. 29)

Marmeladov, whose words are a mystical warning, or a prophetic path for Raskolnikov to walk on, still cries: ''O Lord, thy kingdom comes'' (p. 30), revealing the only hope of a man who knows he can't save himself. Why is always the blackest sheep that adores her shepherd the most, sleeping at his feet after rescue?

Raskolnikov's heart faints, falling gradually, forgetting its own cries for light. His mind is too important. He is so tired from working!

''What sort of work?'', Nastasya asks.

''Thinking'', he answers.

''Nastasya fairly rolled with laughter''. (p. 37)

When the reality of his mother's letter strikes him, what is all that thinking good for? His beloved sister deals with life's business for his sake, while he hides in the shadows of his dreams, distancing himself from objective reality, from virtue, and from life — he exclaims like a victim: [I will] ''(...) turn my back on life altogether! (...) Obediently accept my fate, such as it is, once and for all, and stifle all my aspirations, renouncing every right to action, life and love!'' (p.54)

Well, that is the path he is already on, by his choices. The choices of how he thinks and understands the world, life, and love.

His fate is being made with every single one of his thoughts; thinking and thinking with diligence still doesn't mean you're thinking the right thoughts. One can, and frequently one does, think wrongly. And what is worse: believe its own thoughts as truth!

Where is truth, so we can have a comparison? Raskolnikov doesn't know. He remembers Marmeladov's words:

''For every man must have at least somewhere to go...'' (p. 56)

Rodion meets the prefiguration of Sonia, who also carries something of Dunechka, especially in the way Svidrigailov preys over her. At first, the obvious response to that drunk lady, clearly the victim of some bad-intentioned people, was to ask for the police officer just like he did and to care deeply: ''are we just going to let him get his hand on her? Aren't we going to try to fetch her home?'' (p. 59)

Which suddenly turns into: ''Forget about it! Let him have his bit of fun!'' In an instant, he was ''utterly transformed''. (p. 61)

Does the audience feel disgusted, or do both believe objective morality doesn't exist?

Raskolnikov ''studied intensely, not sparing himself, and for this, he was respected [in the university]; nobody liked him, however. He was very poor and at the same time somehow haughtily arrogant and uncommunicative: as though he were keeping something to himself. Some of his fellow students had the impression that he looked down on them all from a certain height as though they were children, as though he had outstripped them all in terms of education, knowledge and convictions, and that he views their convictions and interests as something inferior.'' (p. 63) For better contrast, we are presented with the description of the good-natured Razumikhin, the humble, at this exact moment.

Raskolnikov thinks: ''Wait for a moment: did I really think I could put everything right just by going to see Razumikhin, find a way out in the person of Razumikhin?'' But he is too proud. He is determined to write his fate, and blame it on circumstance, on coincidence, even on the divine hand, as is common for human beings.

Raskolnikov's soul didn't give up yet, though. He falls asleep, poor feverish creature, sick to the bone, and dreams of his childhood. Isn't it in childhood where all the horror begins?

He sees the old church, that ''he loved'' (p. 68). He sees the little grave of his brother — the shadow of death, also in holding his father's hand. And then is about the old little mare, about Alyona Ivanovna; but does he know that? The thinking mind seems to lose track of what is important, essential, truthful, and real.

''Get in, I'm going to take you all!'' The mare's owner, Mikolka, screamed, leaping into the cart first. ''She eats her oats and gives nothing back! Get in, I say! I'll fly there at the gallop! I'll make her gallop!'' (p. 69)

''He [Raskolnikov] felt towards her [Ivanovna], at first glance, without knowing anything particular about her, an unmasterable sense of revulsion (...)''. (p. 78)

'Papa, Papa!', he cried to his father. 'Papa, what are they doing? Papa, they're beating the poor little horse!' 'Come along, come along!' said the father. 'They are drunk, playing mischief, the fools; come along, don't look!' (p. 70)

''(...) the student had suddenly begun to tell his companion all sorts of details about Ivanovna. (...) 'Only she's a horrible old cow...' And he begun to relate how mean and capricious she was (...)``.

''Little jade began to tug with her might but not only was she unable to set off a gallop — she could barely manage to move forward at all (...)'' (p. 69).

The student said: ''I'd murder that old woman and rob her of all her money, and I swear to you, I'd do it without the slightest twinge of conscience.' (p. 80). Pretty images, harmless. Just thoughts, ideas, vague words — weightless.

Who could measure the intention of the human heart?

''Flog her to death!', cried Mikolka. (...) She belongs to me! I'll do as I like with her!'' (p. 70)

I am her god: her life is mine. My desire is sovereign. I answer to no one: I am the law. I am perfect. I face no consequence! That is the testament of the cruel, twisted hearts, through all generations. I will climb the tower, and sit on the throne.

''Whip her on the muzzle, on the eyes, on the eyes!', Mikolka shouted'.

But young Raskolnikov was crying (p. 71). He escaped his father's grip and ran to her. The mare was flogged and everyone sang a song, while she fought until her last breath, while Mikolka was angry that he wasn't strong enough to kill her with one blow (p. 71).

''and then shall be revealed the Lawless One, whom the Lord shall consume with the spirit of his mouth'' (2 Thessalonians 2:8a, Young's Literal Translation).

''She'll fall down in a minute, lads, it's all over with her now!' one versed in such matters called from the crowd.

'Take an axe to her, for God's sake! Get it over with quickly! cried a third.''

(...)

'Finish her off!' Mikolka shouted, leaping out of the cart as though he no longer knew what he was doing. (...) Mikolka stood to one side and began to beat her on the spine with the crowbar at random. The jade stretched her muzzle forward, uttered a heavy sigh, and died.

'That's the end of her', people shouted in the crowd.

'She ought to have galloped.'

'She belongs to me!' Mikolka shouted, holding the crowbar, his eyes bloodshot.'' (p. 72)

I will do with her life as I please. And so the student kept in the same line of thought, as Raskolnikov still listened.

''I was joking just now, of course, but look: on the one hand you have a nasty, stupid, worthless, meaningless, sick old woman who's no use to anyone and is, indeed, actually harmful to people, who doesn't; even know herself why she's alive, and who's going to kick the bucket of her own accord tomorrow. Do you get my meaning? Do you?'' (p. 80)

Her money could be used for something better. Everyone has being negotiating with her and using her, but no one remembers. No one knows how she got there, was it hard? What did he have to endure? What thoughts hide deep in her heart? Oh, the old lady is a cow, she doesn't have a heart. She is not human.

'One death to a hundred lives — I mean, there's arithmetic for you! (...) common balance? No more than the life of a louse, a cockroach, because the old woman is harmful. She's wearing another person's life out: she's mean: she bit Lizaveta's finger out of meanness the other day; she very nearly severed it!'

'Of course she doesn't deserve to live,' the officer observed. 'But then that's nature'. (p. 81).

In the end, the student would say that it's not his business. But what about the thoughts? Could those words be taken back? Pretty images, harmless. Just silly thoughts and intentions that mean nothing.

Raskolnikov keeps being superstitious, volatile, and influenceable. Oh, if just some day he would notice that he actually doesn't not think by himself, but he is a product of his generation's poor line of thought!

Superstition is the devil's version of faith: why would he listen to that conversation if not by some kind of heavenly sign that he was right? What an amazing coincidence! Maybe it was his destiny! No, he didn't consider that listening to those words could be a warning, a chance to listen to such twisted thoughts from a stranger's mouth and be horrified, so he could then recognize the monster within himself and stop the madness from consuming him.

Back to the nightmare, ''with a howl, he forced his way through the crowds towards the little grey mare, flung his arms round her dead, bloodied muzzle, and kissed it, kissed her on the eyes, on the lips...'' (p. 72) He even runs and attacks Mikolka, ''hammering him with his little fists.'' (p. 72)

''Papa! The poor little horse... Why did they... kill it?'' (p. 72).

His father's answer seems too simple, but it's true: they are drunk, up to mischief. (p. 73). Drunk in their own thoughts, blind and lost. Raskolnikov wakes up from this nightmare and asks himself: will I do it? With the axe? (p. 73).

He asks God: ''Oh Lord, will I really?'' (p. 73).

In the silence, the answer could be an echo. Will you, Raskolnikov?

''O Lord', he prayed, 'show me my path, and I will renounce this accursed.... Dream of mine!'' (p. 74).

But He already did, Rodion.

Foa slaver one moment he was free, in the next, slave of his own desire again. The power of choice is so often underestimated. He searches for the excuse, he walks into the trap only to say it was preordained. The reality of morality is the fact that we have a choice (always). The reality of our helplessness is how we choose.

''Ugh, the way the sleeps!', she [Natasya] exclaimed indignantly. 'He does nothing but sleep, either!'' (p. 82). Rodion's laziness is a portal through were his life and self-control escape. Razuminkhin is always working (serving). Raskolnikov is always tired, self-absorbed, lost in his mind. When he finally finds the courage to eat, his vision of an oasis is not only the answer to his last prayer but also prophetic. He could stay in those warm sands, and make his way to peace much shorter, but the human heart is rebellious, stubborn and arrogant.

He thought about everything until ''he was satisfied'' (pg 86). He found delight in his own plan. Not for one moment did he consider that the previous choices led him to this place. He considered himself smart enough to overcome morality through reasoning. The human mind is above the Natural Law. He was immune to the kind of failure and childish behaviour criminals display soon after the crime. In fact, what he had planned was not a crime. (p. 87) He was the law, like Mikolka. He decides morality. Her life is his to take. ''Flog her to death!''

When the time came, he even thought ''Shouldn't I just go away?'', but he ignored himself. Things were done purposely (p. 92). When the old mare opened the door, his intentions spoke louder than his words: she was scared. (p. 92) And when the axe went down, so was his consciousness. But his soul cried, seconds later, he was deep into madness, considering the possibility that Ivanovna could still be alive, somehow. He, who thought he had everything planned and under control, who wanted to commit his crime so carefully that no blood would stain his clothes, ended up covered in it. (p. 96) Blood stained hands by the murder of the old lady and her child-sister.

''And if at that moment he had been capable of seeing things in better proposition and of making decisions, if he had been able to perceive all the difficulties of his situation, in all its desperate monstrous absurdity, and to realize just how many problems he would have to overcome and how much villainy he might have to perform in order to get out of this place and arrive back home again, he might very well have abandoned the whole undertaking and gone at one to give himself up, not out of fear for himself, but from a simple feeling of horror and revulsion at what he had done.''

But Raskolnikov is too proud to repent, he thought he could do it and leave with clean hands. He thought no one would come, but later he found himself on the other side of the door, on the difficulties of the run, and then he cried: ''Oh Lord, what shall I do?''

You shall not murder.

''The rags and tatters of vague thoughts swarmed in his head; but he could not seize hold of a single one of them, could not focus on a single one of them, even though he tried to force himself to...'' (p. 106).

-

READING MENTION LIST If Dostoevsky or lit essays are not your thing, feel absolutely free to ignore the mention, my beloveds. If you want to join this list, DM me or reply :)

@caustic-splines @hersurvival @icantdance @poetici @informedimagining

@thedayoftherae @sablewing @stumbling-through-time @burntblanc @lelestarmy

@fairytaleinagem @remnantofabrokensoul @yakultstan @illarian-rambling @cssnder

@crow-with-a-typewriter

[landscaping-your-mind]

We return you now to a safe place. The Street Cleaners have passed. Street Cleaning Day, as so many other days, is behind us. We emerge from hiding spots, from secret locations, from places under other places. We step out into the street, and it is as though it is brand new to us. Certainly, it is cleaner now, but that is not all. We have survived all the way from birth to this very moment, and we look at each other, and some of us start laughing and others start weeping and one or two of us break out into a wordless humming song, and all of us mean the exact same thing.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 15 — Street Cleaning Day)

Somewhere the tiny people of the city below have arrived in Night Vale, and are beginning their war against us, having already shown themselves capable of murder. Somewhere a man in a tan jacket is whispering into the ears of our mayor, and we do not know what agenda they pursue. […] This all happens, somewhere else. But here, Carlos and I sat on the trunk of that car, his car, looking together at the lights up in the sky above the Arby’s. They were beautiful in the hushed twilight, shimmering in a night sky already coming alive with bits of the universe.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 25 — One Year Later)

But.... In spite of all this, coach al-Mujaheed called a pep rally last Friday, in a gesture of support for Malik Herrera. This, as any time, is when we should join as a town, despite the game that never was. […] Everyone was sad, and everything was perfect. We stayed late into the night under the fluorescent corona of the bleachers, eating damp barbecue, wearing our orange ponchos, and telling those tales we wanted to tell to those loved ones who have left us, telling them instead to those who we currently or may eventually love. Tears were hardly noticeable on our rain-streaked cheeks by the time we said our goodbyes.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 56 — Homecoming)

And they both take the hand of the person they love, and Amber smiles at Wilson and Wilson smiles at Amber and everyone smiles at everyone and at everything and no one is okay, exactly, but we’re outside and we’re smiling and that is a kind of perfection of its own.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 57 — The List)

Night Vale isn't a single unified thing that can love or be loved. It's just the name slapped onto a set of borders and rules that some old bureaucrats [..] devised centuries ago. But they don't live here anymore. We do. I do, and I can make it worth it. I can’t just leave it, I have to live it. Live it and make it better. For myself. For Carlos. For my friends. […] And for you, listeners. We will together celebrate another homecoming game. We will together survive another street cleaning. We will together… well we will see.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 70B — Review)

Our reality is badly damaged, and the only thing keeping it together is our acknowledgement, finally, of this strange town that we live in. No more denial. We must see ourselves clearly or risk losing ourselves forever. Angels are real. Our town is a deeply weird place. We know and acknowledge that it is a deeply weird place. There are dotted lines and arrows in the sky. And I love my family, and I love my brother Steve. He was right about everything. He always has been.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 110: Matryoshka)

This is my work, listeners. My work is to speak to you all. To talk you through the day. To murmur you into the night. Settling in to be another clear and pretty evening here in Night Vale, this weird, weird town. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with. I know I do.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 111 — Summer 2017, Night Vale, USA)

Carlos and I hold each other through the town, passing two teenage boys dressed in scraps of of airplane upholstery, gripping tightly each others’ faces. We help a lost toddler find his parents. We clear broken glass from streets. We walk home. We shade our eyes from the setting sunset which kindles through a hilltop cleft. We talk nonstop about today about tomorrow about yesterday about every possible moment, just talking, and talking, because we almost lost our talk forever. We do not hear the returning echo of sirens across the valley. We do not hear anything but ourselves. Stay tuned next for a silence that is all your own.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 167 — Echo)

And I say: “Look at the clouds in the sky. They mean nothing, and yet they are there and they are pretty. Isn’t that nice?”

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 181 — C****s)

The day after Valentine’s we said “it’s over” but we did not believe it was over. We believed it would never be over, that we would always be living the same sad and terrifying minute, breathing the same stale air thick with our own fear. But we were not in that moment anymore. But we were, some part of us, still. The day after Valentine’s was a rebuilding, a recovery, a return to form, a back to business. Bury the bodies and stand up the fences, it’s time to move on.

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 202 — The Day After the Day)

“What do we do now?” I asked him. He smiled, “First we go home, eat meals together, remember that we are a community, and that we are better together than we are alone.”

(Welcome to Night Vale: Episode 230 — Carlos, Explained)