#hikaru rambling on

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

do you have a favorite Hey! Sɑy! JUMP member?

Yes, I have one and it's:

Me

I mean that would have been my first choice if asked, but then again there might not have been many available options for me to pick.

If you like Saying Words in No One Likes, which was the first thing I saw on a music recommendation Web site when I was a teenager, then you should definitely check out my music

[the-blue-wraith]

It's me, I'm the weird kid and I never beat the weird kid allegations back in elementary school 😔

source

[notachair]

EYE CHECK ✅️

HAIR CHECK ✅️

DOOR CHECK ✅️

Idk it feels pretty confirmed by now

[wia-tia]

Is Kamiki evil/yandere/insane?

I've seen a lot of posts saying that Kamiki is depicted in a way that is evil/yandere/insane among other things in the last panel of chapter 159.

I find that is quite weird because my first instinct is that he's in pain/sad. I've always seen his mouth and eyes as being separate and he has a habit of always smiling no matter the situation. I think he's using the same smile but just with his mouth open. For me, it has always felt like he's forcing a smile, which has become a habit. He kinda even looks happy if you just see his mouth.

If you separate his eyes he looks quite sad or I feel even in pain. I think this would be what he is actually feeling at the moment.

I understand that the combination of these contrasting emotions makes him look uncanny, but I don't think that he is completely evil, insane or even yandere with the way he has been acting in the entire manga.

I theorise that he's the biggest liar to himself (on like being able to revive Ai or something like that, I don't have enough context to be sure on what that could be) and it hurts him that Aqua is calling him out on it.

[honorthysalad]

Screw the ghost shit, this is the biggest mystery in HGSN. If Chapter 22 doesn’t open with a full telling of Yoshiki’s tragic backstory: the birthday party where he received 11 copies of the same book from 11 different people, then idk if I can continue reading…

[risingscorchingsuns]

Happy Trans Day of Visibility, everyone! From Hikaru and I to you!!

As I was drawing this, I kept trying to think of a good caption to post it with. I’ve always been known for my words, after all. But for once, I’m at a bit of a loss. It’s a big day for me, but it also just feels like an average Sunday.

I sketched and re-sketched this over and over again, trying to get everything exactly right. It didn’t turn out perfect, but honestly, I like it better that way. Hikaru isn’t exactly the same as me, but a LOT of him is drawn from reflections of me- his experiences with masculinity and transness are a prime example.

This is my first TDOV being fully out, and openly, publicly transitioning. It’s been a difficult year. I’ve faced unimaginable feelings of loneliness and isolation, and kinds of hardships I had never even imagined. Being someone who doesn’t Fit in a small area like mine has left me with a new appreciation for the ability to pass, or my lack thereof. I’ve felt kinds of loneliness and rejection that I had never even fathomed possible before I came out.

But more importantly, I am more in touch with myself than I ever have been before. Knowing myself, knowing Leon, getting to be Leon, is an unimaginable experience. I feel like me for the first time. It took me eighteen years to discover myself, and another two to be confident enough to live it. I still have a long way to go. But I’ve made so many connections, so many friends. I love myself, thoroughly and wholly, for the first time. I’m proud of who I am, and I’m proud of who I’m going to be. It is such a privilege to wake up every day, and know that I’m Leon. I am a self-made man, and I am so proud to be trans. I am proud to be visible. I am proud of who I am, for the first time. It’s scary, and it’s new, and it isn’t easy. But I love being Leon, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I’m so grateful for this space, for this little corner of demon slayer tumblr I’ve found myself on. I am so unimaginably grateful that I’ve managed to make so many amazing connections in the short time since I made risingscorchingsuns, and nothing makes me happier than having a safe place to be me, and to share the things I love. I love Hikaru, and I love Demon Slayer, and I love all of you guys. Thank you for being here, for reading my silly rambles, for making me feel like I can make something worthwhile. (Seriously, nothing makes my day more than being known as “the Rengoku Mutual”. It makes me happy stim every time I think about it. That fucking rules.)

Anyway, this is getting away from me a bit. Apologies, this post is a bit more emotional than my usual long analysis posts. It’s a big day for me, and I feel really lucky to be able to share it with you guys.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility!!

We are here, and we are real, and we are proud!!

Trans Joy!!! For now, and forever!! We are beautiful!! 🏳️‍⚧️

Love,

Leon 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

[albino-parakeet]

I don't know what the bubble these three characters together fit in my head is called but they're there.

(The first picture is the same character, there was an art style change. The one of the left is from the first volume and the one on the right is from I think one of the last volumes. I just love both of them lol.)

[violets-and-books]

Sulu in the naked time is ultimate bbg. Peak gender. My rotten cheese, my little soldier, my good time boy

I mean look at him

[hikayunas]

Hikaru being reduced down to nothing but "horse" jokes by the wider fandom -- instead of treated as a proper character to be examined and taken seriously -- is something that's stuck with me for a while. It's ironic, if a bit sad in its irony, once you think about it for a moment or two.

Hikaru being "the Horse" isn't just a gag thrown in for a cheap laugh -- "the Horse" is Hikaru's coping mechanism; how she dehumanizes herself, and creates a mental disconnect between herself and her identity as a Futatsugi magical girl -- as a weapon -- a tool -- to further Yuna's goals, for her use alone. Hikaru may not want to stain her hands for Promised Blood's goals, but if Yuna wills it, then Torayamachi's Horse certainly does -- "the Horse" will take as many lives as it can for Yuna, or die trying.

"The Horse" started off innocently enough; Yuna suggested it when she and Hikaru were both still fresh into the ranks of Futatsugi's magical girls. It was meant as nothing more than a nickname, inspired by Hikaru's ability to summon her army of smoke-puff soldiers -- Hikaru would be Yuna's Horse; her cavalry in the shadows to assist when called upon by their general.

But it did not stay that way. At least, not entirely. "The Horse" has certainly stuck around as Hikaru's playful nickname among Promised Blood's ranks -- but it runs much deeper than that; much deeper than Yuna ever intended for it to. For a nickname, it's incredibly personal to her -- she's quick to become offended when Juri makes a mocking play on it, calling her a "stupid mule" instead of the usual "Horse." And, constantly having the "Horse" title referenced in Promised Blood just reinforces the disconnect between Kirari Hikaru, Futatsugi citizen, and Torayamachi's Horse; pack animal, weapon, and tool for Kureha Yuna's use only. In Promised Blood, she is the Horse -- she is not Kirari Hikaru.

As far as coping mechanisms go, it's not as good as she believes it to be. It certainly does get her through the harder parts of magical girl life in Futatsugi, and later on, through the Kimochi wars as a member of Promised Blood, and it serves to connect her and help her bond with the other Promised Blood members -- but it is, by exact definition, dehumanization. Kirari Hikaru -- the Horse -- is not a person, she is not a human being; it is a pack animal, a weapon, a tool, for Kureha Yuna's use. Without Yuna, it is nothing.

Hikaru cheerfully agrees when Ao says that she really is an empty shell, grinning and chirping back without hesitation that as long as she's with Yuna, she's full. A horse needs its master; a weapon needs a general to wield it; a tool needs someone skilled to put it to use. Without someone to use them, they are useless. Without Yuna, the Horse is useless. If Yuna dies, the Horse -- and Hikaru, with it -- dies, too. Where Yuna goes, the Horse follows.

Every little thing that the Horse does is for Yuna. The Horse is not its own person; it's not a person at all. Yuna is Promised Blood's general, and a general needs her loyal horse. When all is said and done, Hikaru does not need to feel any guilt nor remorse for the blood on the Horse's saber, even if their sabers are one in the same. This is simply what the horse was meant to do. It was made to do this. The horse is not its own person; it's not a person at all. It is a pack animal, a weapon, a tool. Its decisions are not its own, and certainly not Hikaru's own.

...which is to say, boiling her character down to nothing but "horse" jokes is something that I think about a normal amount.

[warpfactor9]

as a tos-raised trek fan watching tng for the first time, i find myself yearning after the idea of sulu, chekov, uhura, or scotty getting their own slice of life episodes the way data and geordi or deanna occasionally do in tng... it would've been so nice to just follow them around the enterprise for a day watching them in their off-shift hours, getting into their own tomfoolery separate from the full bridge crew

[asukiess]

doppelgängers and came back wrongs and you look just like them really get me because what is love!! attraction!! grief!! mourning!! what are your morals when it comes to accepting someone who isn’t them but serves your own selfish purpose!! how do you define the love you have for them!! and for the identity hoax, for the ghost, the puppet, how does it feel to be on the receiving end of all of that?

[nalascat]

the DIFFERENCE between Sulu and Riley in the naked time is so funny to me. Sulu decides to run around the ship with a sword and Riley just locks himself away with funny buttons and starts 2 sing

[extraordinarilyextreme]

i can't stop thinking about this scene in ep. 36 of 棋魂

SG tells CY not to worry because "even if i don't have you, i can still continue living on." yet he continually peeks at CY's face to check his reaction, 分明就是小朋友嘴硬的行为啊......

he continues to act nonchalant, telling CY about what's happened since he left, going so far as to say, "that you left without a goodbye—i don't blame you." he keeps up this detached facade for as long as he can...

...until CY gets up to leave. then SG's defenses crumble all over again. he can't pretend anymore:

"where are you going?"

leaping to his feet: "say something!"

voice strangled with tears: "let's not play this game of disappearing anymore, okay?"

那么小、那么可怜、那么赤诚的小朋友 是真的无法继续装下去的....... and neither can CY. so when he turns around, he doesn't dare to look at his xiao-Guang's heartbroken expression.

and then CY gives his fan to SG, neither of them able to meet the other's eyes.

睹物思人："xiao-Guang, although i've left, i am always here." (ep. 34)

then CY bows, and smiles to himself. "to have had this chance to encounter you is the greatest fortune of Chu Ying's three lives." (ep. 32)

and only when he is certain, absolutely certain, that SG is not looking at him—does he dare to steal a glance.

如今的褚赢早也不执着神之一手了，师父现在最放心不下的人 就只有他最疼爱的小徒弟了：影（赢）子的出现是因为有光。

finally, as CY turns and disappears, we see a guqin left behind in his wake.

知音啊：“我就住在你心里，我知道你是怎么想的。” (ep. 13)

亦师亦友亦知己，半尊半慕半倾心：这就是时光与褚赢之间的羁绊。

all this to say, 褚赢你给我回来啊！小光还需要你呢......

"you asked me what a thousand years is. a thousand years... a thousand years is when someone tells you, 'if only every day from now on were like today, how nice that would be'—and then he disappears. every day after that is a thousand years." (ep. 34)

— 小光，别怕。山水有重逢：月亮一直都在，而褚赢也依然的在。

“我怎么可能会离你而去呢？” / how could i possibly part from and leave you behind?

“我已经很久没见你了。是不是想见你还要再等上一千年？” / i already have not seen you in a very long time. is it that, in order to see you again, i have to wait another thousand years? “小光，这一千年的滋味 你又何尝知道？” / xiao-Guang, this taste of a thousand years—how could you know it? “只要你愿意回来，我什么都可以不要。” / as long as you're willing to come back, i won't want for anything else. “比起想念来，千年又何其长；比起相见来，千年又何其短。” / how endless a thousand years feels when longing for you, how short a thousand years feels when we are together. (ep. 34)

[wia-tia]

AKA, please, one interaction between adult Taiki and Hikaru, PLEASE

I need an angsty pannel between them

The angst potential is way too good (maybe a bit of comfort too?)

[bloodsoaked-rainbows]

the helm husbands brainrot.... it's overtaken me.....

[risingscorchingsuns]

What was hikaru's transition experience in the corps? How did they take his coming out (if that happened)? How easy was it for him to get care (you said shinobu did his top surgery)?

This is a great question! Unfortunately Hikaru being trans is one of the most historically inaccurate parts of his story, if not medically, then definitely socially. I use a lot more modern methods and language because I wanted Hikaru to be trans similarly to how I am. It’s my canon-accurate Achilles Heel 😭

Don’t get me wrong, trans people definitely existed back in the Taisho period!! We’ve always been here, but back then we were recorded a little differently, generally regarded as “women in men’s clothing”, et cetera. I will never deny their existence, and Hikaru being modern with his gender expression isn’t meant as erasure or denial to them, but as an expression of myself via a fictional character. Their existence is real, and valid, and they are no less trans than Hikaru- at the end of the day, he’s my silly little self insert, and I wanted to write his experiences based off of mine. If the focus of Hikaru’s story was his gender journey, I would put more emphasis on the time period and the difficulties surrounding being trans in the Taisho period, but the themes surrounding Blazing Heart’s Rhapsody are acceptance and solace found within family, and love in spite of war. This isn’t a story about trans people- Hikaru just happens to be trans ☺️

Hikaru realized he was a boy very very young, (probably around 6 or 7) and his father, Hiroki, encouraged him to live in whatever fashion made him feel most comfortable. Because Hikaru grew up in the woods with only his father and little brothers, he was never really socialized as a woman or a man- he was just Hikaru, the oldest Eritora child. He likely hit puberty while living on his own in the Sumitomo Forest, but didn’t experience dysphoria until he was found by the Kochos when he was 16. When he was brought into the Corps, Hikaru experienced gender norms full-force for the first time. It wasn’t really that they didn’t support Hikaru being trans, it was more that he didn’t fit. He was Different, and that made him Othered. For the first time, Hikaru was struggling with where he belonged, and that was when he started to really learn the societal importance placed on gender roles. Additionally, Hikaru is neurodivergent, so these norms never made much sense to him logically in the first place. So while he never really had to come out, he did have to fit in, which was difficult for him to navigate. He talked to Shinobu, who in all her medical expertise, gave him the best advice she could. She was the one who helped him hormonally transition, (if she can inject herself with 700x the lethal dose of wisteria without fucking poisoning herself, she can probably make Hikaru’s testosterone. She’s iconic like that I think.) and ultimately it was Shinobu who helped Hikaru figure out where he stood in terms of gender identity. Hikaru is a self-made man in every sense of the phrase, but he couldn’t have done it without the help of those around him.

As for top surgery, I don’t really have a canon-friendly justification for that. Shinobu’s not a plastic surgeon, she’s probably done minor surgeries before, but never anything to the level of gender-affirming surgery. I feel like she’d DIY that shit tbh. She could pull it off. I’d let her do my top surgery. Shinobu says trans rights 🗣️

Thank you for this ask!!! I rarely get to do longform Hikaru analysis :D