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illfoandillfie · 5 years

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5 Simple Rules for a Successful Fake Relationship: One Small Hitch

READ PART 1

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Reader

summery: You and Ben have your first official date and settle into your "relationship". But, with filming coming to a close, you'll need to be more committed to the act than before, especially when Ben's keeping secrets.

Warnings: Again, nothing much. Some language. Drinking. Nothing else I can think of.

Words: 8355

AN: Chapter 2 is finally here! Sorry for the delay but hopefully the next part will be up faster. I'm really really enjoying writing this series and I am so very excited about what's coming! The song mentioned is Reckless Serenade by Arctic Monkeys. Sidenote: Can anyone work out the theme of the chapter titles?

Taglist: @laedymoon @dtfrogertaylor @vee-ndetta @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @supersonicfreddie

“I’ve got something for you,” you half shouted at Ben when you saw him walking towards you from across the field you were filming in. You shuffled your shitty takeaway coffee into your other hand so you could reach into your bag, pulling out a piece of paper folded in half. He took it and pulled you into a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Funny cause I have something for you too,” Ben said as he let you go, reaching into his backpack and handing you a magazine, “Oh, shit, it’s our rules. You want page 15 by the way.” “Figured you’d want a record of them. What exactly am I looking f-” you let the word hang as you found the right page. It was decorated with a photo of you and Ben kissing on his doorstep, his hand around your back, the shirt you’d borrowed riding up just enough that it was clear you didn’t have shorts on underneath as you clutched at him. There was some text beside it, mentions of your most notable roles and his, a brief description of the movie you were in the process of making, and some speculatory remarks with a couple of innuendos thrown in. The usual gossip mag fare. On the other side of the paragraph was another photo, both of you leaving set the previous Friday, hand in hand and smiling. “We look pretty good together,” you laughed, getting only a noncommittal grunt in return. He’d suddenly become very interested in the sheet you’d handed him, staring at it like he hadn’t been there when it was written. You reread the brief article, trying not to gawk at the photographs. It certainly looked believable. “I’ve had about four people wish us well this morning,” Ben suddenly said, seemingly pulling himself together, folding up the rules and shoving them into his back pocket, “and I’ve not been here long. It’s kinda weird having everyone know we’re together. Or think we’re together,” he quickly corrected himself. “Yeah, Mel kept asking me questions about it while she was doing my makeup this morning, so I hope she took my awkwardness as me wanting to keep things private and not me not knowing how to answer some of them.” Ben chuckled, “yeah, Gail gave me a bit of a grilling too. I just told her we’d been sort of seeing each other for a few weeks and had only just like made it official or whatever and she seemed to buy it.” “Good, I told Mel the same sort of thing. Hopefully that’s enough for them.” “I’m more concerned with what my friends are going to say. I don’t think any of them read Heat though so hopefully it doesn’t come up any time soon,” “Lucky. My friend Felicity has the dumb site bookmarked. Checks it religiously. Bloody miracle she hasn’t called yet.” “Better turn of your phone then,” “And come back to a full voicemail and about a hundred texts demanding to know why I’m ghosting her?” “Tell her you were filming. I do it all the time,” he was grinning at you and you couldn’t help but grin back as you pulled your phone out and shut it off, “atta girl,” he pulled you into his side and gave you an affectionate squeeze that you leaned into , fully aware of how many people were around you, potentially watching. It was a feeling that didn’t really let up. You knew, rationally, that everyone there was focused on their jobs, but you couldn’t help feeling like you were constantly being scrutinised, and not just for your acting. It didn’t help when Seth had to stop recording to fix a problem with the boom mic and, good-humouredly, said, “don’t worry lovebirds, we’ll have her running in a second.” Or that one of the ADs delivered your call sheets for the next day with a, “I always thought you’d be cute together.” And it certainly didn’t help when you turned your phone on at the end of the day to find a series of texts from Felicity each with more exclamation points and capital letters than the last, and a missed call from Mary. “Better call her back,” Ben said, following you towards the carpark. You rolled your eyes, already holding the phone up to your ear listening to it ring. “Y/N, I was just about to try you again,” “Sorry, Mary, I had my phone off while we were recording, what’s the matter?” “Are you free this weekend?” “Um yeah, I think so, why?” “We’d like for you and Ben to go on a date this weekend. Somewhere in London preferably but it’s up to you. You saw the article in Heat? It seems to be going well. The hits your names have got on google have increased and there have been a few tweets about it. Nothing huge, you’re not trending or anything but you’re still relatively unknown so we weren’t expecting that to happen, certainly not overnight. But we think if we get a date story out quickly it’ll really help get people interested.” You rubbed your temple as you tried to process everything she’d just said, “Okay, I’ll talk to him and we’ll organise something. I’ll text you the details once I have them.” “Okay, let me know as soon as you can though. And send Peter the info too.” “Will do. See ya Mary.” “Was that about me?” Ben asked, smiling as he leaned against your car. “You up for a date this weekend? Apparently the first story went well and they want a follow up ASAP.” “Sure, where are we going?” “I don’t know, somewhere around London would apparently be best, but we get to choose. Any thoughts?” He thought for a moment, “This isn’t our first date is it? Like, we’ve said we’ve been on others before, right?” “Yeah, why?” “Well normally for a first date I take girls out for dinner and then, depending on the girl and how the dinner went, either a quiet drink or like a romantic as fuck walk in the park or something.” “That’s pretty standard stuff, Ben,” “Yeah, but in the fiction of us as a couple, this isn’t our first date. This’d be, what?” “Fifth maybe?” “Fifth. So I’m still trying to impress you a bit, but it’s like, more relaxed. We’ve done the dinner date, we’ve done coffee and a movie, we’ve even done the Museum. Now we’re getting into the fun shit.” “Museums don’t count as fun shit?” you chuckled, not sure where his train of thought was taking you. “It’s a bit overdone is all.” “What do you have in mind then?” “There’s this place that runs art classes during the day, right? Life drawing or like painting for beginner's type stuff. But a couple of nights a week they run these art and wine nights. They’ll give you a canvas or a ceramic figure or something like that and some paints and you can have a few drinks and do something arty. I did it with some mates a while ago, had heaps of fun. Seemed like the sort of thing yo- a girl might like to do on a date.” “That definitely sound fun.” “Really? You’re into it?” “Yeah, for sure.” “Okay,” Ben pulled out his phone and began typing, “shall I book us in for the Saturday night ceramics session?” “Go ahead. What time was that, so I can let Mary and Peter know.” “Seven thirty. If we get a cab in a little earlier we can grab something to eat on our way.” “Cool, okay I’ll text them. Is it BYO?” “Yeah. They do sell some stuff but it’s a pretty small selection.” “Okay, well that’s something to look forward to. Anyway, I should be going since I have about a million texts to sort through, I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Wait, one thing,” Ben said before you could open your car door, “There’s a few people coming off set now so I’m going to kiss you, okay?” “Thanks for the heads up,” “No worries,” he stepped closer, his hand rising to cup your cheek as he kissed you softly. He took longer to break away than you’d expected, letting the kiss deepen instead, but you didn’t mind too much. It was a good kiss. And if it hadn’t been for Ben and the movie, you would have been severely lacking them recently. Which explained the vague feeling of disappointment that hit you when he did step back.

On your way home your phone beeped with another text from Felicity but you ignored it until you were inside and changed into the comfiest clothes you could find, flopping down on your bed to scroll through what she’d written. They varied from, “omg why didn’t you tell me about this Ben guy?” to “Y/N!!! Answer my texts!!!” all the way up to, “BITCH!!! CALL ME!!!!” She picked up on the first ring. “Where the fuck have you been all day?” “Some of us don’t have office jobs we hate,” you laughed, “I actually had to work, funnily enough, and because we were on location I had to keep my phone off while we recorded.” “Well I’ve been going crazy over here. Imagine my shock when I boot up my computer and open Heat and see your fucking arse being grabbed by your co-star.” “He was not grabbing my arse.” “Close enough. You didn’t tell me how fucking gorgeous he is.” “No, well, I don’t usually think about the people I work with like that, do I?” “Which is why I was so surprised to see you’ve shacked up with one of them.” “It’s not quite that serious.” “One night stands aren’t your usual thing. Definitely not with guys you work with anyway.” “I never said it was a one night stand, just that it wasn’t super serious!” “How many times then?” “We’ve been on like four dates.” “You fuckhead! You mean to tell me you’re actually dating this guy, who by the way looks like he could be a fucking underwear model, and you didn’t think to tell me? No so much as a I got dicked down by a total babe aren’t you jealous message?” “I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if it wasn’t going to go anywhere.” “But still, I’m your best friend, I tell you about every shag I have.” “In graphic detail,” “Exactly.” “Look it’s just a bit weird still. Neither of us have really hooked up with a co-star before and we didn’t want to say anything until we worked out what was happening.” “I guess that makes sense,” you could tell she didn’t mean it, “But, now that it’s out you owe me. I want to hear all about it.” “There’s not much to tell. We became quite good friends during all the pre-production stuff when we were rehearsing and all that. Our director wanted to make sure we clicked and had the right chemistry and stuff, since it’s a romcom and our characters get engaged in the first scene, so we hung out a lot. And then just before filming started he asked me out. Took me to this nice Chinese restaurant. It was fun so we agreed to go out again and it’s sort of just kept going.” “Those photos, was that the first time you’d stayed over at his?” “Second. First time was a couple of weeks ago. The night that led to the photos was just a few drinks after work with some of the others and we ended up ducking out a bit early and wound up at his.” “And?” “And what?” You had a hard time not laughing when you heard her groan. Her eagerness to know every sordid detail made her easy to fuck with, and that made the whole business of being secretive a lot more fun. “And, how was he?” “I mean…y’know,” “Y/N, I swear to god,” “He was good, okay? Really good,” you remembered what Ben had told you to say, trying not to laugh too much while you repeated it, “like, three orgasms good.” “Shit, really?” “Uhuh. And then another in the morning.” Felicity replied with a long whistle, “shit, girl, hold onto that one then. That’s definitely worth any trouble working together could cause." “Believe me, I know. We’re going out again this weekend.” It was surprisingly easy to lie about dating Ben. Though, of course, you weren’t technically lying since you would be going on a date. “Shit man, date five. That’s serious shit. You better tell me everything, in graphic detail.”

When you told Ben about the conversation the next day, admitting you’d spent ages praising his sexual prowess, he laughed and then thanked you, pulling you into a tight bear hug. You thought it was a slight overreaction considering he’d been the one to tell you what to say but his happiness was infectious, and you found yourself smiling more than normal as you hung out between scenes. An attitude which could only help your performance, making people more ready to believe you were a couple. His easy laughter and bright smiles continued until the afternoon when you were telling him more about Felicity and what you’d talked about. “She thinks you’re a keeper and kept telling me not to let you go.” “Your friend knows what she’s talking about.” “Lucky for you I can’t let you go since it’s all written up in a contract,” Ben laughed but when you glanced at him his smile seemed to falter. “You okay?” “Brilliant. Just had a bit of a late night and it’s catching up on me. Think I might try to have a quick nap before we’re needed again.” “I was thinking of grabbing another coffee if you want one?” “Thanks Y/N but I think the nap will do me more good.” “Probably better people don’t see us heading off to a trailer together anyway or they’ll suspect we’re getting up to mischief.” “Very true. I’ll see you a bit later.” “Sleep well!” Ben turned to leave, his smile seeming more forced than earlier. You would have worried except he seemed to be back to normal when he was called for your next scene. And it continued on through the week, his happiness only getting more pronounced the closer it got to the weekend.

You couldn’t quite match his energy on Friday, anxiety over your date getting stronger the closer you got to it. Hanging out at his place had been easy, even if it did include leaving half dressed. All you’d had to do was kiss him which you’d done enough times during filming that it was no longer too odd. But a proper date was something else. It was going to be the first real test you faced, the first time you’d really have to sell yourselves to the public as more than co-stars and more than a hook-up. “Hey are you okay?” “Huh?” “Your jiggling your leg a lot which you only do when something’s worrying you, what is it?” “Oh,” you forced your leg to stop moving, “nothing,” “Is it about our date tonight?” “What if it’s bad? What if we don’t look like we’re actually together and Mary and Pete have to cancel the whole thing?” “I’d get a decent night sleep not thinking about us,” he muttered. “What?” “I’ve been worried about it too,” he said louder, “but I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like we’ll be starved for conversation and we’ll have the paint and the wine and we’ll be fine. Plus, weren’t you the one who said this would be easy?” “Yeah I was,” you said sheepishly, “but -” “No buts. It’ll be a piece of cake. We go and have a good time painting a couple of plates or bowls or whatever, and then hold hands while we head home. They’ll get whatever shots they get, and they’ll spin it so we look like a couple.” “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” “It’s okay,” he reached out to rub the back of your hand, smiling softly at you, “the nerves might actually help you look like you’re legit. And worst comes to worst we can always run lines. I’m honestly so much more nervous about shooting that scene tomorrow.” “The one where we’re playing matchmaker?” “Yes! Have you seen how many names are in there?” “Theres like six, Ben,” “Yeah but they’re all repeated, and I know I’m going to get the order wrong,” You giggled and shook your head, “You’re unbelievable,” “Oh whatever,” he pushed your shoulder almost making you overbalance, “Just cos you know the lines already.”

Ben’s efforts to calm you down worked and you got through the rest of the workday without a hitch. Though your stomach was once again tight with nerves in the hours before the date. You spent a solid half hour standing in front of your wardrobe, freshly washed hair slowly dripping down the back of the towel you had wrapped around you, trying to settle on what to wear. When you were finally dressed you checked and rechecked the contents of your purse, and, in a moment of panic, you grabbed the heavily highlighted and notated script pages with the matchmaker scene and shoved them in beside your lipstick and bank card. By the time Ben arrived in an Uber to pick you up, ushering you into the backseat with a kiss on the cheek and a complement about how lovely you looked, you felt like you were on the verge of throwing up. But, once again, Ben’s natural charm eased your mind. The way he talked to you and smiled constantly had your heart rate slowing and your stomach settling within minutes. Even the way he squeezed your hand when he helped you out of the car, and the way he laced his fingers with yours as he led you towards your destination were welcome comforts. “D’you wanna grab something to eat?” Ben asked, stopping on a corner and looking around, annoyed people passing by on both sides. “Uhh, s’pose so.” “Has anyone ever told you you’re indecisive?” “I swear I’m not normally.” “Oh? Do I make you nervous, snookum?” he asked, playfully. “No, you git,” you laughed back, though you found it hard to meet his eyes, “I just don’t know I’m that hungry.” “Well, keep in mind there’ll be wine drinking. Don’t want to do that on an empty stomach.” “Valid argument. What’s nearby?” After some wandering you ended up in a McDonalds, Ben wolfing down a burger while you picked at the fries, not quite certain you’d be able to keep your food down. It was when you were coming out of a bottle shop, Ben holding the wine you’d agreed on, that you spotted the photographer. It was the same one who’d been outside Ben’s house when you stayed over, camera aimed at the two of you. Quietly you nudged Ben. He just wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side as you walked. You struggled to not watch the photographer as he followed you towards the art studio, having to keep reminding yourself to pretend he wasn’t there. “Relax,” Ben said softly in your ear, “He’s not important.” You nodded, afraid if you said anything you’d lose the meagre dinner you’d had. Ben’s thumb rubbing over your own gave you something else to focus on, counting each soft, smooth stroke, until you reached the right place.

You weren’t the only couple there, far from it. Most of the claimed tables were taken by pairs sitting close together, hands clasped or laying on thighs as they talked. A few tables held larger groups, double dates maybe or perhaps just friends. You felt a few eyes on you as you found a table close to the clear glass of the shopfront, but they turned away again quickly, more interested in their own little bubbles than yours. You glanced outside to check if the photographer was still there but couldn’t see much more than the reflection of you and Ben. His knee bumped yours under the table as he leaned toward you, pressing a finger to your jaw to turn your head towards him. “Forget the photographer. Forget Mary and Peter. Forget our arrangement. We're just two friends having a fun night out, okay?” “Okay,” “Okay. So what are you thinking of painting then?” He unscrewed the bottle of wine and grabbed one of the glasses you’d been handed on arrival. “Well what are my options?” “Well there’s your classic teacup, mug or plate options. There’s a couple of different jewellery boxes, I think. And then there are the statues, ummm, fairy, dragon, alien. Maybe a princess one, I can’t remember.” “More than I thought there’d be. What were you thinking?” “I did a dragon last time I was here. But I think I’m going to do a mug this time. Need some extras if you’re gonna be staying over more often.” “Maybe we should both do mugs, then? Something we can use at each other’s places.” “Alright, deal. But we can’t look at what the other is painting until they’re done.” “That’s going to be so hard!” you laughed, feeling properly relaxed for the first time all night. “Yeah but it’ll be fun though. Wait here, I’ll go grab us the mugs.” You took the opportunity to look around the room, trying to think of what Ben might like on a mug. There was art everywhere – paintings hanging on walls, examples of what the classes could teach you, decorated ceramics lining windowsills and shelves. Judging by the wildly differing levels of talent displayed, you assumed at least some of them were left behind and never claimed. There were plates decorated with fruit trees and ocean scenes, jugs covered in splatters of different colours, aliens in shimmery blue and princesses with green hair and orange dresses. But nothing that sparked your imagination. The noise of the room was steadily growing as everyone got stuck into their creations. Ben sat down, took a drink and got to work mixing colours. “You know what you’re going to do then?” “I have an idea. But I will warn you I’m not a particularly good artist so it might not look anything like what it’s meant to.” You picked up your blank mug and put it down again, tapping the end of a paintbrush against the table as you tried to come up with an idea. What did Ben like? He liked coffee. And dogs. And his guitar. More than once he’d brought it to set, playing it in his downtime. He’d been embarrassed the first time you mentioned overhearing him as you passed by his trailer, but you’d assured him you’d liked listening to him. You’d had the song stuck in your head for a week afterwards. “Made up your mind, have you?” Ben asked, glancing up from his handiwork as you mixed a pale peach colour. “No peeking,” “I wasn’t peeking. If I’d been peeking, I would have done this,” Ben craned his neck, leaning over to where your mug was. You laughed and pulled the mug closer to you, pushing him away with your other hand. He caught it in his own, taking the paintbrush from you, “Oi, careful with that.” “Oops, sorry,” Ben laughed and kissed your palm before letting you have your hand back, “No harm done. But y’know if you splattered me I’d have no choice but to get payback.” There was no need to reach for the script you’d brought as you and Ben fell into conversation while you painted. He asked if you’d had any more awkward phone calls with your friends and told you about what had happened when his mates had found out. Nothing like the conversation you’d endured, though there’d been plenty of teasing. You had to admonish him for nearly getting paint on your work when he began using the largest brush he had to artistically spray drops of paint over his mug. And then he’d laughed when you paused, admitting out loud that you weren’t actually sure how to paint the thing you’d planned on painting. He’d promised not to peek while you whipped out your phone to look up a reference image, going to far as to cover his eyes just to make sure. Once you gave him the okay he went back to painting, switching to a thinner brush and shushing you so he could concentrate. It was ridiculous how cute he looked, tongue between his teeth, bent over the mug as he slowly outlined the design. You shook your head to clear the thought and went back to your own work.

“Okay, I’m done. You wanna see now?” “Yes, absolutely. Unless you think we should wait until after they’ve been glazed?” “Fuck that, we can’t pick them up for a couple of days, I wanna show you now.” “Alright, show me then,” you put down your brush, focusing all your attention onto the mug in Ben’s hands. The base coat was a light purple, with splatters of darker purple over top. Slowly he turned the mug to show you the design on the front. It bore a slightly wonky engagement ring, similar to the one his character gave yours in the movie. On either side of the ring, in thin, not quite straight lettering, was the words we’re really good at this dating thing. You smiled as soon as you read the quote from the script, “I love it, Ben” “Thought it was kind of fitting,” he chuckled, “plus it’ll be a nice little souvenir once the movie wraps.” “That was a fun scene to shoot. Best proposal I’ve ever had.” Ben smiled and carefully turned his mug back towards him, “Best proposal I’ve ever given,” He seemed to be about to say something but stopped himself, shaking his head. You lowered your voice, “Promise I’ll get to keep it after we break up?” “Promise,” Ben said, matching your level and leaning in close, “Until then maybe you can use it as a reminder whenever you feel anxious about this whole dating thing.” “Thanks, I will.” You were suddenly very aware of how softly you were speaking, how close you were sitting, leaning in to hear each other over the rest of the room, and for a split second you thought he was going to kiss you again. But then the moment passed, the noise of the room intruding as Ben leaned back in his seat, “So do I get to see mine?” “Uh, it’s not quite done,” you said, picking up your brush again, the moment gone, “give me another couple of minutes.” “Masterpieces take time, I get it,” “This is by no stretch a masterpiece,” “I’ll be the judge of that thanks very much,” Ben turned to look out over the room while you tried to finish your painting without smudging anything, occasionally making comments about other people there or the art that decorated the room. You took one last look at what you’d painted, the guitar with the words stun gun lullaby written in cursive beside it, “Alright, I’m done now, you can look. Careful, some of it’s still wet.” Ben gently took hold of the handle and turned the mug so the design faced him. He broke out into a grin and you felt relieved that he liked it. “It’s definitely a masterpiece. For someone who didn’t know how to draw a guitar you’ve done an incredible job. And how did you know that’s one of my favourite songs?” “Is it? It's just the song I overheard you playing that one time. I thought that line was a good one for a mug. Nice and short so I didn’t have to paint too much.” “This is definitely my new favourite mug.” “Oh stop it.” “And hey, they kind of match.” You laughed when he pointed out the similarities, “Guess they do. Y’know that’d make a pretty cute Instagram post.” “You going to tag me as my mug?” “Of course. You could post a photo and tag me in it too,” “I don’t know. I don’t really post much personal stuff online.” “Well at least comment on mine,” “I can do that.”

After you’d taken a decent photo and posted it online you cleaned up, handed your mugs over to the woman running the night’s activity and stepped back out into the night. There was no sign of the photographer anywhere and you supposed he’d got what he needed and then left. Still, Ben grabbed your hand as you walked back up the street, just in case you’d missed the photographer in the crowd. “Guess that means we don’t have to worry about going home together,” you said, nudging Ben. “Guess not,” his lips quirked down in a soft frown.” “What is it?” “Nothing, nothing, just...feels kind of weird to just end the date here, I guess,” he scratched the back of his head and laughed, “Normally I’d offer to give you a lift home. Or at least give you a good night kiss, but I guess that’s not really needed now.” “Well, it’s like you said, we’re just friends having a fun night out. We could share a ride home though, if you wanted. You live near enough to mine it wouldn’t matter.” “Nah, don’t worry about it. I actually might go grab something to eat, don’t think that burger was quite enough. See you on Monday?” “Oh, yeah, okay, see you Monday.” There was a pause, both of you hesitating and then Ben gave you a much too quick hug before he walked off, disappearing into the crowd. You sighed and hailed a passing cab, spending the whole ride home wondering what the hell had just happened. But you pushed it from your mind once you were home, going through your usual nightly routine and very deliberately thinking of anything other than Ben. It didn’t help much. You still dreamt about him. Dreamt about the goodnight kiss you’d missed out on.

When you woke you had to laugh at yourself. You were sure that, had you binged a few episodes of a tv show or read something before you’d gone to bed you would have dreamt about it instead. Brains were suggestable like that. When you felt awake enough you rolled over and grabbed your phone finding a text from Ben and one from Felicity and an email from Mary. You opened Mary’s first, skimming over it and vowing to look at it properly once you had a coffee in your system. Ben’s was much easier to understand, a short message to say he had fun last night and that he’d pick the mugs up on his way to work on Monday. Felicity’s was just a series of question marks. You sent back a short response saying the date had been a lot of fun. It wasn’t enough and she was bound to come back at you asking for more details, but it would have to satisfy her. Slowly you got out of bed and made yourself a coffee, setting your laptop up next to you at the kitchen counter so you could try to read Mary’s email again. There was some information about some scripts she was going to send you, a couple of potential future roles, but the majority of the email was about you and Ben. She’d already seen the photos, apparently, and some of them would be run in the coming week’s magazine while others were being put online. She’d also seen the Instagram post and commended you for thinking of it. Another date would have to be organised, but it was better to wait until the next weekend or even the one after, so as not to fatigue the public.

So you and Ben fell into the routine of it. An email from one or other of your agents sometimes as vague as just telling you to organise a date, sometimes much more specific in what they wanted you to be doing, then the date itself, and in between work where you played up the romance as much as possible. You got good at pretending to stay over at each other's places, often just hanging out watching TV or running lines until the photographer called it a night and you were free to leave. Once or twice you’d opted to sleep in your own bed but get up early and head over to Ben’s for the required morning after shots but that process got old very quickly so you ended up actually staying over more and more. There was one day when your period came unexpectedly while you were at Ben’s. You were halfway through asking him to take you home when he offered to run to the store for you instead. “No, no, you don’t have to go out of your way like that, I’ve got plenty at home I just didn’t think I’d need any today.” “Y/N, I promise, it’s no trouble. I feel bad I don’t have anything here for you already. Been a while since I’ve lived with a girl and it didn’t even cross my mind. Seriously, it’ll take me two minutes.” When you still weren’t convinced he continued, “Plus, if I go we won’t ruin Peter and Mary’s plan for today. And the Paps can get a shot of me staring at boxes of tampons like a good caring boyfriend. It’ll help our image.” “Oh alright, as long as you don’t mind.” He was out the door a second later and back within ten minutes, though you did get a call from him at the shop, asking what brand you preferred. Once he was home, he made you a cup of tea, gave you a painkiller and, after checking you didn’t mind, cuddled up with you on the couch, teasingly calling you his cuddle bunny as he pulled you back against his chest. You almost complained, almost cited Rule 5, but it wasn’t so bad. Some might even go so far as to call it cute. It was better than snookum at any rate.

The dates themselves got easier after the first. You knew what to expect now so it wasn’t as nerve wracking as before. And Ben was always fun to be around, your list of inside jokes steadily growing as he became the one person you spent the most time with. You let yourselves relax a bit. On your third date Ben’s arm stayed glued around your waist as you walked around the zoo, only losing contact when a lemur jumped on his shoulder and you stepped back to take a photo. It wasn’t low enough to violate the rules you’d put in place but his hand was dangerously close to falling below your belt, and it was definitely something you would have put a stop to when you first started the charade. The Instagram posts had got more frequent too, though Ben still refused to post anything to his own profile. But he commented on everything you posted whether it involved him or not. And people were buying it. You’d been moved from page 15 to page 13 and then to page 10 in the magazines. You both picked up more followers online as your photos were shared across Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr. There were some downsides like rude comments and nasty messages but mostly they were easy to ignore. Worse were the phone calls and messages from family members and friends asking when they’d get to meet Ben. He’d had to fend off his own family as well, but you both stuck to Rule 4, making up excuses and promising it would happen eventually, but it just wasn’t possible right now. But your biggest problem was the issue of intimacy. It wasn’t the lack of sex itself, that was easily managed. It was that Ben had started to intrude on your fantasies. You’d be there with your fingers or your toys and suddenly it was Ben’s voice you were thinking of, Ben’s hands, Ben’s teeth and tongue and chest. Ben’s name falling from your lips. And you knew it was just because you were pretending to date him, on and off set. It was the dumb suggestable brain thing again. The thoughts were only there because you were pretending to be in love with him and usually sex was tied up with love or at least relationships. And really, you hadn’t been attracted to anyone much lately because you hadn’t been looking because you’d been pretending to be attracted to Ben so it’s really no wonder you’re brain got all confused and mixed him into those other thoughts. The first time you saw him after it first happened you wondered if he could tell, a slightly flustered awkwardness hanging over you. But it wasn’t worth mentioning to anyone. You just vowed to push him out of your mind as much as you could.

Nearly two months later you found yourselves back in the office where the idea of pretending to date was first floated. With filming drawing to a close Mary and Peter were keen to check in with you. The first thing either of them said when you and Ben turned up is how well the story was going. “Projections have the sales for this movie increased by five percent, just because of your relationship and that number is expected to grow as we get closer to release,” Mary spoke fast though whether that was excitement at the boosted numbers or just a busy schedule rushing her along you weren’t sure. “What happens now?” Ben asked, “I mean, since we won’t be filming together anymore after this week,” “That’s exactly why we wanted to talk with you both today,” Peter opened a pocket notebook and thumbed through a couple of pages, “so not much will change but we may occasionally need to balance out the loss of on set photos with shots of you out and about together. Nothing stressful and all very easily staged. You probably wouldn’t even need to be out for more than an hour or so at a time. People have been loving the domestic sort of photos you’ve been putting online, Y/N, that one of you using the coffee mugs you painted was especially good. So we’d like a few more of those sorts of moments. The two of you grocery shopping or walking a dog, do either of you have a dog? No? Hmmm, we could hire a dog and write a story about you sitting for a friend. We’ll put a pin in that for now. But yes, just some candid shots of you walking around London and doing regular everyday things together.” “We’ll also need to schedule the argument soon. We’re thinking somewhere within the first two weeks of filming being over. It means we can run speculation about whether the relationship is on the rocks now that you aren’t working together anymore. We’ll see how things go this week and make some decisions later, but we’ll give you plenty of warning before you have to perform it. Obviously, it has to be scheduled so we can guarantee someone will get photos but we need it to seem as natual as possible so we’ll leave the specifics of the argument up to you.” You nodded along but Ben had more questions. “What does this mean for any jobs we might be looking at taking after this movie wraps?” “You can still take on whatever roles you want provided they’re filming here. It’s harder to keep you in the public eye if you’re separated and while the drama of a long-distance relationship might be interesting at first, it’s not sustainable.” “If it was filming somewhere else in the UK we could maybe organise something. We’d have to look into it and see if it was possible to stick to our same plan but just shift the location. Maybe have a weekend visit angle to it, Y/N flies out to see Ben, Ben comes home to see Y/N, that kind of thing.” “Leave it with us Ben and we’ll get back to you on the logistics of it all.” “Oh, that’s okay, I don’t have anything set in stone, I was just curious.” “Is there anything else you have questions about?” “No, I don’t think so,” He looked towards you. “No, I’m all good.” “Okay, well, if you think of anything you can message us any time.” “Really, though, this is going very well. It’s already paying off but we need to keep the momentum during the post-production phase, so we need you both to be committed to this.” “We are.” “Unbelievably committed,” Ben added.

You and Ben left the meeting joking about potential arguments you could have and for the rest of the day, whenever you passed each other in the halls or had a moment alone you’d try to one up each other's suggestions. It was a good way to keep your spirits up even though the end of filming was fast approaching. One by one each cast member recorded their last scenes, saying an emotional thank you to the crew when the director called cut. You and Ben were the last to finish since you were the leads. A small pillow talk scene that you could do in your sleep. It was a nice way to end it, lying in bed with Ben’s arms around you, even with the heat of the studio lights. While you were waiting for the cameras to be positioned you and Ben joked around with the crew that were flitting around angling mics and adjusting set decorations. “Hey, Seth,” Ben said suddenly, “can you pass me my phone. I think we need to document this moment. What d’you say, cuddle bunny?” You laughed and poked him in the side but agreed. Ben stuck his arm straight up into the air, trying to angle the camera just right but he couldn’t quite get the photo to take without blurring. Seth took pity on you and offered to take the photo himself, allowing you and Ben to snuggle in close. “If you post it on Insta you better credit me,” Set laughed, turning it round to show you. “I’ll do that,” He said with a smile, “It’s pretty cute, I think I have to post it.” “Really?” you asked, surprised he’d volunteer to do such a thing. Ben didn’t have a chance to respond because everything was ready to go. Seth put the phone back away so you could film the scene, laughing in between takes until everyone was satisfied. “That’s a wrap on Ben Hardy and Y/N Y/L/N everybody,” A round of applause started as you pushed yourself to sit up, trying to stop yourself from welling up. “And that’s a wrap on The Perfect Match.” The applause continued and Ben pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing your back and pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You had to say a few words but you managed to get through it, and Ben’s little speech, without completely losing it. Afterwards, as people packed up the equipment and you headed back to your trailers to change, Ben pulled out his phone again. “I guess I should post that photo now, how’s this caption,” he said each word slowly as he typed it out, “Thank you Y/N for being the perfect Edith to my Andy. And thank you @theperfectmatchmovie for finding me my perfect match.” “Did you tag me?” “Of course,” “Did you tag Seth?” “Uhhhh, camera emoji by @seththesoundman. Now I have,” “Then it’s perfect. Little bit cheesy but I’ll let it slide.” “I’ll post another lot of photos with everyone else later and write a longer thing about how much fun this movie was and all of that, but I think this’ll do for the minute. Mary and Peter better fucking appreciate it.”

That evening most of the cast and crew headed out for drinks at the local pub. The official party would come later but everyone needed to get out and celebrate for an evening. You and Ben stayed for a few hours, Ben getting a little more clingy with each drink he finished. You limited yourself to only a couple. Ben wasn’t going to be able to drive so you decided to fall on that sword, switching to water quite early on. When he reached the point of intoxication that had him constantly complementing everyone you decided to call it a night, taking a final lap to say goodnight to everyone. There were a few wolf whistles and slurred comments about getting some as you left, Ben’s arm around your waist and his laugh in your ear, but you waved them off and led Ben out to your car. “C’mon Benny boy, I’ll drop you home.” “What about my car?” “Well you’ll have to come get it in the morning, won’t you.” He hummed and lay his head against the back of the seat, chatting animatedly as you made the trip to his. You wished him goodnight as he got out of the car and watched him make his way up to his front door. There he paused, patting his pockets. “Everything alright? You called out to him. “I don’t have any keys,” he laughed, turning around to come back to the car. “You fucking goon, did you leave them at the pub?” “Guess so,” he shrugged, “Can I crash at yours?” “Get in,” “Thanks cuddle bunny, you’re the best” You rolled your eyes, “Guess this means I’ll be your taxi tomorrow, running you around to find your keys and your car,” “That’s what girlfriends are for,” “If you say so.”

Once at yours you headed to the kitchen to make tea, Ben following to grab a glass of water and a snack. He knew where you kept everything by now, making himself a sandwich with whatever he found in your fridge, and then carrying it out to the couch. By the time the teas were made Ben already had Netflix queued up, ready to play the next episode of the series you’d started watching together. Nearly Twenty minutes into the episode Ben’s phone dinged. “Ah shit,” he said as he glanced at it, “forgot I said I’d call Joe. Do you mind if we pause the ep? We’re trying to organise travel stuff for him and it’s easier if we talk it through rather than texting it all.” “Sure,” “I promise I won’t be long.” “Take your time, it’s fine,” you were already reaching for your laptop. Ben smiled at you before ducking out of the room. You head him walking down the hall, footsteps fading as he got further away. For a while you just enjoyed the quiet as you checked your emails and social media profiles but after commenting on the photo Ben had posted and replying to a few messages from people you knew there wasn’t really much left to do. You drummed your fingers on your keyboard trying to think of another website you could visit. There was still no sign of Ben and you didn’t want to continue the show without him so you stood up, stretched, and headed back to the kitchen to grab some chocolate from the stash you kept. You were just about to shut the fridge when you heard Ben’s voice coming from the other side of the wall. Your spare room where he’d clearly gone to make his phone call. “Yeah, Joe, I fucking know. But I don’t have much choice.” He sounded more sober than he had when he’d got up. There was a pause as Joe spoke and then you heard Ben again. “I don’t know what I was thinking getting into this mess…..Yeah maybe. Doesn’t really matter though now does it…. What’s that supposed to mean? I can’t just call it quits now, the story is doing too well and Peter has assured me that the numbers are promising or whatever I don’t really know how they measure it. All I know is that people are going to see the movie because of us.” There was a long pause. You quietly shut the fridge and took a step back towards the doorway. This was not a conversation you should be listening in to. But then Ben spoke again, and curiosity got the better of you. “It doesn’t matter Joe. It doesn’t matter how I feel.” He laughed but it was completely devoid of humour, “Of course it sucks. It’s fucking shit, man. I just keep waiting for her to tell me she feels the same but it’s not happening…... No, I know it’s completely one sided…..No, I don’t think she knows. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it in the first place if she knew…. I just wish things were different. I love being around her and being able to hold her and kiss her but it fucking sucks that it’s only in public….. I don’t know. Maybe not filming together will ma-” You could feel your cheeks burning as you tiptoed back towards the lounge room, not quite sure what to do with yourself. You paced back and forth for a moment before deciding to go to the bathroom, at least then Ben couldn’t walk in on you as you tried to process it. You let the door shut loudly behind you, hoping that if Ben had heard movement he’d think you’d just got up to use the loo. He couldn’t know you’d overheard him. You leaned against the sink and tried to make sense of what you’d heard. Ben couldn’t have a crush on you, he just couldn’t. But it was the only thing he could have been talking about. What the fuck did that mean for your arrangement? What the fuck were you meant to do now?

#my writing #my fics #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy imagine #ahhhhhhh #ya'll im so excited about this series #i have all the chapters planned out #i have all the titles planned out #i wrote a short synopsis of the film they're making #so that i can reference it throughout the fic and be consistent in what the scenes might be #god can ben please just make a romcom now #i want it more than anything in the world

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anonil88 · 4 years

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We Are Who We Are Ep 1 thoughts.

Heads up I've started writing these halfway into an episode so I'm immersed pretty into it and can make a well rounded reaction.

Interesting set up and premise. But I wonder how well this will be executed.

Very open free spirit household.

Those kids are pieces of shit for inviting him and then bullying him. He is a little weird but a sweetheart.

Also HE LIKES FASHION of course he does.

He's a bit of an alcoholic it seems or just likes alcohol which can teeter the line. Oh no he had to leave his lil boyfriend 😭.

Aw his other mom picked him up.

Ooo throw up shot nice smh.

This mustn't be the first time he's been drunk or gotten in trouble.

Sigh theres always a parent who saves the day no matter straight or gay.

Ahh military parents getting caught in their ego and ignoring their partners and kids.

Oooo "Americans can only be happy in America"...."This is America." Gotta love that US based are tiny bits of America but lineal spaces.

Wait is Fraser autistic? Or does he have any mental disorders? Maybe I'm only saying that because my family would have drop kicked me if I'd slapped my mom unless (when I was younger with less coping skills) was having an outburst of sorts.

Whattt dead? Whatttt? Oh he's still drunk.

Thank goodness he still had some clothes packrf like I would have had a full panic attack if my luggage was lost oversees with my designer clothes. (I'm assuming designer because his granddad has schmoney but he also gives me cates about his looks.)

Thats a nice jacket though, I think Commes Des Garcons is the brand or at least this is an inspired piece.

Oh okay Fraser I see you have some lil crushes forming. That soldier foine tho he's probably like 18. So eee idk bout that cause he's underage. (Edit: Fraser is 17 so if the soldier is 18 its not illegal but i'd rather Fraser not get community ass or dick. No more cmbyn Luca.)

The music selection is pretty great like Klaus Nomi ??

CUDI !!! Wait Cudi is their, Caitlin's dad :0

The military regulations are pretty clean. Her voice and commands could be a bit cleaner though. But maybe that's on purpose because shes gotta be nervous af now commanding a base.

Fuck you Colonel.

This base is pretty nice btw.

Oop okay subtle flirtatious behavior and noone can kick you out of the US military for being queer now...kind of. Oh he's just a giant flirt also again can we not do the minor and grown ass adult thing.

Loving Maggie and Fraser's relationship. But I feel like Sarah and Fraser's relationship is going to be whirlwind.

Oh thank the lord his clothes have come omg all designer/custom piece .

Just let them be them jeez everyone has to find themselves regardless of if you like or agree with it or not. Ahh Caitlin/Harper is living a double life hmm exploring their identity.

Lmfao Fraser said you're like me so lets talk, but I won't out you.

So overall thoughts the editing is a bit choppy like all over the place. Which is kind of disorienting and I don't know if a lot of people are going to enjoy that. Editing can really break shows even good ones. But characters wise I'll say Cait/Harper is a mystery and it took me a second but I got that they were staring at Fraser because Fraser seems very obviously nyc and probably more understanding. But they have no idea how to approach Fraser so they were just staring and tbh queer folk yes thats what we look like its sometimes obvious that we all stare at eachother with a certain wonder, confusion, and excitement even past the baby gay stage.

I feel like Fraser is a person who goes through the world in a daze like floating from one space to another. It makes him scatter brained and different, his interests vary but this is about him learning. I like him though just don't know much about him yet. Of course if I had to relate him to any character from another popular adult show that centers teens he's a more chaotic windmill version of Jules from Euphoria. Speaking of which I think this show might have a hard time carving out its own identity because of their shared platform. This premiere was like world building and very very vague so we only have touches on each character.

I will keep watching because I would like to see where this story is going to go. Also to see the acting chops of these new young actors. I am hoping that the next episode gives us the viewers more to hold onto rather than dental floss attached to ceiling post by nails. But, I just hope we get more clarity rather than just vague things we need to piece together in the future. Which btw works super well for movies but not always TV. So adapting that style to TV is gonna be interesting.

[Also funny how most actors first big role their characters name sounds like their name lol.]

Preview: so everyone just doing everyone but, this seems like it is going to be very sad and dark which is fine with me.

Sorry this is so long.

#we are who we are #we are who we are hbo #wawwa hbo #wawwa #jack dylan grazer #luca guadagnino #francesca manieri #wawwa liveblog

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worldwidemochiguy · 4 years

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Hello!! I just.. was hoping maybe I could get some advice on writing, I love your work so much! 💜

hi!!! thank you so much im rly glad you enjoy my shitty little unedited fics lmao

uhhhhhhh honestly i don’t have too much advice for writing and the stuff i do have to say is either a) painfully obvious b) copied from other advice posts lmao or c) stuff that i don’t even manage to do, buuuuuuut since you asked ill say anyway, but like, prepare to be severely underwhelmed

(ill add a read more thing when i can be bothered to fetch my laptop lol)

1. know what you want to write! this isn’t to say you can’t just like write whatever tf you want just for fun when the inspiration strikes bc you know, you do you, but it really does help if you know what you’re writing about. and not just, for example, ‘they go and get coffee together and then they flirt and then they kiss’ (although having a plot also helps obviously) but like - what are you trying to say with this fic? to its core - is it about loneliness? sadness? hope? companionship? (this is a tip i do not follow myself but wish i did lmao)

but also yeah remember what your plot is and make sure that everything makes sense basically. every scene should be there for a reason - plot development or character development. also, it’s really cool if you can intertwine these things. like, how does the character think and feel about what’s happening and how do they act to drive the plot forwards and why would they do that?

2. themes are cool, maybe not necessary or anything, but still cool. same rule applies to metaphors. however! if you feel like you have to shoehorn these things in and it doesn’t feel natural then don’t do it, and don’t add them just so that they’re in there, they should have like actual relave ce to the plot or character. each person has their own style and trying to force a certain way of writing probably won’t be fun to write or read. not to say that you can’t experiment with genres and/or style! but just, like, don’t think that you have to add something in to make it sound good. there are no rules for writing anyone who says otherwise is pedantic and you have no obligation to listen to them ! 💕

3. try and make sure you really know your characters. like, you could answer any question about them. a cool thing to do which can be fun and useful is to do personality quizzes in the character of who you’re writing, especially the meyers Briggs ones or like sorting hat quizzes. it can help you to get a deeper look at their personality also if they’re maybe not fully developed yet it forces you to think about these things and make decisions. this will also help with the plot and the character’s role in it! if you make them do actions that seem out of character it might feel less believable or engaging, but once you understand and develop the character more then this is less likely to happen.

4. i’ve said it before and i’ll undoubtedly say it again. practice makes perfect (or… improvement at least!). when i first started writing proper ‘fanfic’ i was 13 and it was about twilight if Bella and Edward actually had twins instead of just renesmee and the second child was kidnapped. as you can imagine, it was not very good!! but i continued to write and (im hoping lol) improve. i would even say i’ve improved in the nine months i’ve had this blog (omg almost a year now 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺) even if you feel like you aren’t improving and you read your things and think they’re awful, that’s actually good! bc (bear with me lol) it means your mind is becoming more critical as you understand more about writing and you improve. it does however have the side effect of criticising whatever you write which is... not fun! lmao

5. read! i’ve also said this one before but idc. reading helps your own improvement so much and im literally not even going to elaborate bc like that’s it. reading rly rly helps. it widens your vocabulary and helps you get used to varying sentence structures and see how plots can come together and inspire you. idk why my brain is just failing to work properly and form sentences that make sense but yeah. reading good.

but yeah that’s kind of it. just write what you want to write honestly, and then everything else will start to happen after a while.

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urcadelimabean · 5 years

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Witcher thoughts:

- legit did NOT like how Renfri's arc ended. she was such an interesting character and it doesn't sit right with me to have a survivor of abuse go crazy and have to be killed. she would have made a fantastic anti hero. Bring her back! the moral questions in that episode were really interesting! - also the Renfri/Geralt duel was really well choreographed, almost made the rest of the sword fighting in the show look worse in comparison. - Ciri! small! must adopt - although Dara 100% did himself a service by ditching her. I ALSO ADOPT. - all these small children wandering about almost dying makes me stressed. people dying left and right? monsters eating everyone? not a nice place to live man - even though I don't like Calanthe I appreciate that there are powerful morally grey women in this show with interesting and complex motivations - could have done without seeing Yennefer tied to a chair NAKED while a man she has no reason to trust performs a medical procedure on her. yes the scene was supposed to be traumatic and literally painful in many ways but adding nudity there was necessary. if they have to explore the trauma of being sterilized, fine. but.....there are so man buts about this. - WHY is everyone just like painting Yennefer and Tissaia's relationship in an over simplified and positive light? Tissaia abused her, demeaned her, treated her and literally called her an animal, and turned her friends into eels, showing that she could and would turn Yennifer into an eel if she wanted to and if Yennefer wasn't "good enough".....like I'm not denying that Yennefer looked up to her and even wanted her respect and love, in the way that an abused child will want love even from an abusive parental figure, but..... - When Yennefer harnessed all of that pain in the last episode, some of that pain was CAUSED by Tissaia - that's my point. Tissaia, I think, got a new perspective on how much pain Yennefer was carrying around - and probably knows a good portion of it was caused by her. She knows her legacy rests on inflicting pain onto the very people who are her only hope. There can very much be a sort of strange mutual respect, shared understanding, but there's also this history of Yennefer being brought into this organization that Tissaia cares so much about and it robbing her of her will to live. - Geralt gives off SO much bottom energy no I will not take questions - seeing a character who is a hunchback get their deformity "fixed" just reminds me HOW MUCH I WANT TO SEE THE VORKOSIGAN SAGA ADAPTED LIKE HOLY SHIT. but Netflix and Hollywood and Disney and all these fucks frankly aren't interested in showing a disabled protagonist become a hero and stay disabled and deformed, especially a man who is 4'9" like Miles Vorkosigan. - sigh. this is still very off topic but.....Miles Vorkosigan...my love. I can only dream that one day I will see him on screen. but then again I preemptively already hate how fandom would treat him - some of the acting in this show has been good, other parts........not so much. - same with the costumes. the fact that one of the elves’ shirts just had holes cut out of it....come on man! - (black sails would never do that, watch black sails) - the quality of the dialogue varies a lot. some of it - really good. - some of the dialogue just needed a proofreader. like when Calanthe says "check to see if we have enough supplies" and it's like......you're a queen, and you haven't already got supplies ready for a seige??? BRUH. stuff like that could be fixed so easily. (the line should have been something like, the supplies will have to last us, or just cute that line entirely) - the idea of having these warriors who are shunned and viewed as part monster but simultaneously needed to keep everyone safe just makes me even more annoyed that The Broken Earth trilogy has no fandom on this hellsite. N. K. Jemisin does so much more with this theme - of monsters and societal control and oppression. And also emotions like pain and rage and how important and powerful they are. Cycles of abuse, etc. - the guy being a dragon could have been fleshed out more............................... - I liked that Geralt saved the striga - like he obviously doesn't want to kill monsters if he doesn't have to because often they are also victims - so this was better than how the show dealt with Renfri - maybe Geralt and Yennefer could get over their disagreements if she pegged him, and then he would calm down. JUST a thought. hmmm. moving on - Jaskier is so fucking funny omg - I actually sort of liked the nonlinear storytelling, but probably because someone had warned me going in - Mousesack was a good dude and I'm sad he's dead - so many unanswered questions about why these bad guys have some weird ass religion with the White Flame....like wtf is that?? explain yourselves! - Anna-Louise Plowman!!!! I was so excited to recognize her! - speaking of Black Sails cast members, I still think they should have cast Zach McGowan as Geralt but at least Henry Cavill did his squats. no amount of ass can fix Cavill's unsavory personality but I will STILL look - no but seriously, some people just *look* better than others wielding swords - take some of the old movies with Basil Rathbone or Errol Flynn for example - and given this I think it was a mistake to kill RENFRI, like that duel between her and Geralt was goooood (a few of her strange sword positions aside) and it should have ended differently so she could come back at a later time, like why waste that screen presence - because killing monsters will at a certain point get old and the conflict between humans who are at odds and can duel with swords feels much more compelling and emotionally satisfying - also again this is why Zach McGowan would have been great in the role, Cavill can wield a sword well but Zach seems to be a natural with all sorts of stunts, he's on another level, and it does show when you have an actor who can wield a sword versus an actor who can REALLY wield a sword - aahhhhh no but Yennefer unleashing hell was so satisfying. :)))) I hope we see even more of that. BURN IT ALL DOWN - speaking of Yennefer I did like moments between her and Tissaia in the last episode where Tissaia realizes that Yennefer doesnt want to live and encourages her to keep living, but I almost sort of hoped Yennefer would reappear and kill her in that final moment. In this moment of newfound power mixed with some sort of respect and almost mercy for this woman who for so long made her life hell, and who she still looks up to. and maybe you could even have had Tissaia admitting that she can see why Yennefer is so conflicted - they're fighting for all of this, their "way of life," but to Yennefer it's all so empty still....the lesser of two evils, because their "way of life" hasn't been good to Yennefer. Her killing Tissaia in a strange mixture of revenge and mercy and rebirth could have been very interesting. - speaking of the lesser or two evils - see? we should have had Yennefer and Renfri interact.

#the witcher #the witcher spoilers

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weaverlings · 5 years

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(so this is super long and mainly about WTNV because that’s the part I understand, or... at least have spent a lot of time thinking about, but there’s definitely a heavy component of comparison between the two series in this)

@vildflower said: I’ve been thinking how wtnv and tma approach similar concepts of vaguely otherworldly entities who are only somewhat connected to the universe that they seem to operate in vs. the universe that they seem to exist in

so this is all super interesting stuff thank u!!!! I just needed to get to the computer to go over it properly bc tbh it deserves it

vildflower said: like,, tma has the whole concept of rituals and avatars whereas wtnv could arguably have. a hierarchy? like when you think about it;; huntokar, the distant prince, the woman from italy, even the great golden hand, are ancient and possibly the closest to ‘gods,’ who dont interact w nightvale often but either have vested interest in it or are able to interact w it more easily due to number of reasons as compared to, like, the rest of the world?

Part of the reason I listened to The Magnus Archives in the first place was because I’d heard hints of the connection between belief (fear specifically, as it happened) and reality, and the tangible effects that this connection has. I have pretty much always interpreted Night Vale along similar lines, but now having listened to TMA... I don’t feel like the execution is all that similar?

While the lines are super fun to draw, WTNV doesn’t have such clear divisions or, well... I guess TMA didn’t, either, but I don’t think WTNV does have such clear organizational structure?

I think the/a key difference between WTNV and TMA is that not all of the entities of Night Vale necessarily tie back into an overarching force, or at least... the same overarching force. Which you go into, but that’s just such a core aspect of TMA that it at least feels pretty distinct.

And the gods of Night Vale, I think, all have a much clearer and even more “relatable” sentience than the Powers. The gods have trouble communicating with other people, in various ways, but they also, say, express regret or ask for coffee when they do communicate.

vildflower said: and then theres the smiling god who could be said to be in a category of his own, or even perhaps in the same category as cecil- the way the smiling god’s existence seems to be in direct connection to desert bluffs/the joyous congregation and cecil seems to ‘depend’ on nightvale and its residents. or maybe it would be more accurate to equate station management and the smiling god, both finding ways to communicate w their respective towns through 'avatars’: cecil & kevin.

Yeah! If being a “Voice” means anything, I do think it would be related to these gods... I guess it would’ve been Huntokar, once, for Cecil. (And now, well... I don’t know. But if bloodstone worship is just happening, that’s a lot of undirected faith, and I feel like it needs to go somewhere... or to something.) And yup, for Kevin, it would be the Smiling God.

However, one thing I’m hoping we’ll see from this arc is addressing the fact that what the Joyous Congregation THINKS is the Smiling God is apparently really different from what it actually is. Even some of the church elders - the actual pastor - believed that it was the centipede, and this would seem to indicate that’s not true.

I mean, if nothing else It Devours! was pretty clear about the fact that the centipede was just an animal, so I don’t see it or anything like it having plotted or directed someone to exploit people’s brains for labor in the future

So I wouldn’t put the Smiling God in the same category as Cecil, or even Kevin, but I think Cecil and Kevin occupy the same category like you said...

For what it’s worth, I’ve always thought of Cecil more like an “oracle” (even before Alice Isn’t Dead!!) - giving advice or answering questions, kind of a guide, if in a sort of opaque or enigmatic way, whether he wants to be or not. And then Kevin is more like a prophet - offering a vision of how things should be, giving commandments, etc, regardless of what people might ask for or what would help them.

vildflower said: continuing this heirarchy the next lower tier would perhaps be city council and the librarians which have pretty fixed, smaller areas of direct interaction w nightvalians. there’s also the spire! which sounds quite similar to the spiral, i think….

I think that’s a good example of how it’s different... “Barks” sounded like the kind of thing that could have been related to the Spiral, that sort of distortion. But the purpose was different - the Spire wanted to bargain, and from the sound of it it’s a lot more open about its demands (iirc: Night Valian “Thanksgiving” involves going out to thank the Spire for its “mercy”). It’s also a known destination.

People in Night Vale know what it is to them. They may not know what it is exactly, but they do know the role it plays in their community. So while it absolutely fits into the structure of Night Vale, I don’t think it’s that similar beyond some (admittedly major) aesthetic elements?

All of those forces in Night Vale, the librarians and the council etc, while indeed forces and while they definitely relate to the human citizens in weird ways... they’re still citizens.

The Powers are TIED to the world of TMA, but an explicit part of it is that they’re fundamentally alien to it, too, and basically need to be forced in.

vildflower said: but yeah,, hope you don’t mind the long rant rip aksk but at this point I’m pretty sure one could draw up a list of some 15 nightvale entities too lmao

(fdsdgh no you don’t need to apologize, I loved it and I’ve been thinking about this kind of thing a lot anyway too!!)

vildflower said: HOW COULD I FORGET! the glow cloud interacts w an even smaller group of people (the PTA) than the city council + angels!! I’d say they’re actually at the lowest rung cause they seemed to only be interested in josie; maybe their attachment to them in turn lead to be attached to nightvale even after she died?

actually the Glow Cloud works w/ the school board and seems to end up in conflict w/ the PTA and I only remember this because I was checking on it for something recently oops.

ALSO THE ANGELS... YEAH THAT’S NEAT because!! they’re the only part of this that has an explicit connection to belief in canon!!

“They are all named Erika with a K. All angels are equal to all other angels. They share all memories and all physical sensations. They experience everything simultaneously. Their minds are overwhelmed with enlightenment and pain.

“They have no centralized leadership, but they do have committees, lots of committees. These committees do not have titles nor objectives. The committees simply emerge as needed...

“Angels have no bodies, only visual projections of winged, barely humanoid forms. These forms are dreamed up by those who see and acknowledge them, and may vary based on the viewer.

“The secret hierarchy of angels is an ethereal mass of feelings and thoughts made manifest by necessity. They’re only individual beings because we imagine them so, but they are collectively beings.”

But I think, yeah... Night Vale is, at its core, a community. And the worldbuilding of WTNV reflects that, even to the extent that belief is involved. I mean, really, the world does run on “belief” it’s just not a supernatural thing... We believe in the necessity of our social structures, so we create and act on them.

And that’s what happens in Night Vale, it’s just that in Night Vale, a divine Glow Cloud runs the school board and the librarians will eat you. All the “forces” that we expect are there. Even though they’re strange (to us, at least), it’s all centered around the maintenance of a community. TMA has a much larger scope.

theres that whispering forest too and omg the desert otherworld, and the black star in ‘a story about you’ & other episodes; entities that manifest more as locations than sentient beings?

So yes!! Night Vale as a place is definitely a gathering point for the weird. I think of Hiram’s favorite memory in this context, too - Hiram was happy in Night Vale because he could just live, for a while, anyway. Or at least, when people were upset, they weren’t upset by his nature as a five-headed dragon (who cares, right?) but because of what he did)

It does have a clear structure, but it’s not the same kind that the Powers operate under - WTNV (depending on interpretation, and none of it is canon tbh, as much as I love it) and TMA are both very different explorations of the connection between belief and reality.

Like the Whispering Forest is... well, apparently it’s its own town now. But it was sort of the local weird forest; it was... a citizen, maybe. In the way, indeed, that the Glow Cloud still is! It just wants to live (and grow. and expand) and Night Vale is a place it can do that.

The Desert Otherworld seems to be connected to the Smiling God, although we don’t know much about how or why or if it’s always been that way. Dana saw some things, though, like when she almost forgot herself in the image of a triangle (iirc), not to mention the rumbling and whatever’s up with the Mudstone Abyss... And then it does have its connection to Night Vale, too, through the Dog Park... There’s a LOT going on w/ the Otherworld; that’s basically its own post dsfdgfdg

And the dark planet lit by no sun is like. I admit I’ve never thought of it in the same light as the other things before! So I’d want to do that before going into it but that raises some SUPER interesting possibilities and if you have more thoughts I’d love to hear them! It definitely merits that further consideration.

So in summary: TMA has rituals and avatars, and WTNV has community. I think.

#welcome to night vale #wtnv #the magnus archives #wtnv spoilers #tma spoilers #spoilers #kevin //#smiling god //

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incorrectsweeneytoddquotes · 5 years

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Stage vs. Movie: What's the best Sweeney Todd

It's been a 12-year debate for the Sweeney Todd fandom: which is the better production, Tim Burton's 2007 movie version, or the original version on Broadway? This post is here as a way to compare the two to one another. Enjoy!

PLOT:

Movie-

-same as stage production, but still cuts some minor plot points for times purpose

-does help make the plot more streamline and fit for a movie

-cuts some scenes where Johanna is a badass

Stage production-

-MUCH longer production

-doesn't skip over parts of subplot

-makes for a very long, but still entertaining musical

MUSIC:

Movie-

-far fewer songs (cut for time, mostly)

-good singing! I actually really like the voices in this! Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp, Alan Rickmen, and all the other singers in this are actually really good, and their voices fit the tone of the movie

-has almost all the main songs, but also doesn't have the opening and chorus songs, e.g., there is no SWING YOUR RAZOR HIGH, SWEENEY

Stage Production-

-has many songs

-has the awesome opening and chorus songs!

-not great for people who don't love the more or less obscure songs, but that really varies from person to person

ACTING (MRS LOVETT):

Movie-

-I personally really like Helena's more dark take on the role. She's a lot more subtle than Angela Lansbury or Patty Lupone (or most of the stage actresses who have played this character) in part because Tim Burton himself asked that she was a lot less dramatic with the role bc it wasn't a stage production.

-has pretty apparent infatuation with Todd, mixed with a scary and darker feeling to her, and a cleverness, while also having this kind of naive feeling.

-I. Love. Her. Voice. Like. It's so pretty.

-however, the fact that she is a lot less expressive loses a lot of the sort of all-over-the-place-ness that makes the character so iconic

Stage Production-

-while this could apply to any of the actresses who have played Lovett in a show, I'm comparing the movie to the original Lovett, Angela Lansbury.

-She's so charming! She's just so...everywhere!

-the worst pies in London is her best song!! She's insanely expressive and funny, and I would argue a lot more interesting than Todd's character a lot of the time

-While her singing voice is good, It isn't a lot less smooth to listen to than Helena's

-this is made up for tho due to the acting

-some people aren't a huge fan of the extreme acting, and find it too "everywhere"

ACTING (SWEENEY TODD):

Movie-

-a very dark version of Sweeney, a bit more so than the stage version

-Johnny Depp does not have a trained singing voice, though his singing isn't bad

-I actually really like the way he performs a lot of his songs, and think he really sells the part

-acting is really good

-Hot Topic Emo Barber. Fight me.

-I love the dynamics between him and Lovett

Stage Production-

-Len Cariou has a great singing voice!

- Honestly so great matching Angela Lansbury

- Just...great with her. Honestly.

- Doesn't have as dark of a feeling to his part as Depp does

OTHER DETAILS:

Movie-

-JOHANNA ISN'T AS BADASS AND IT PISSES ME OFF LIKE WTF

-love the general aesthetic!! I love how dark it feels. It's not very comedy-like, unlike the stage Production

-TOBY

-TOBY IS ADORABLE AND I LOVE HIM

-The movie just has like...a cast of entirely Harry Potter characters

-have I mentioned how much I love Helena Bonham Carter in her role??

Stage Production-

-cool set pieces!!

-Johanna is really cool omg

-she. She kills a man.

-I know I've mentioned her a lot, but Angela Lansbury is so hilarious! She and Cariou are a perfect match for their roles

OVERALL VERDICT:

Overall, it's honestly unfair to compare the two, to a certain extent. The art of movie acting vs live acting is super different, and both are super respectable. I don't think one Production is really better than the other! But as far as the one I (Mod Wrenn) like the most? I love the movie. In part because it's the most accessible and I love the aesthetic and the actors who sing in it, but this doesn't make it the "better" Production. If I actually compared all my points, the original stage Production would probably come out on top, but it's unfair to compare a two act show to a shorter movie.

Let us know which version of this awesome musical you like best in the tags, via comment, or by adding onto the post when you reblog!

Have a great day!

-Mod Wrenn

#sweeney todd #musical #stephen sondheim #tim burton #mrs lovett #johnny depp #broadway #musicals #theatre #sondheim #debate #music #acting #spooky #helenabonhamcarter #angelalansbury #lencariou

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preppymayhem · 5 years

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This is where I live now

I SAW IT 2, and HONEY Y’ALL DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE IN FOR!!!

But there is something that is to be said about me. I unironically love the book. I know it was written on a coke binge. I know there is a whole lotta shit in it that I wish wasn’t because it was so unnecessary. And you can rec me other similar things that may be less problematic, and I will love them too, but I love this. This is my trash hill and I have lived here for over 20 years.

Everything is spoilers below the cut.

I am going to start with the not great stuff

So most of the most problematic content in terms of graphic discomfort is stuff that is literally lifted from the books. The homophobic gay bash which was graphic but honestly wasn’t as traumatizing as the hammer scene from Roswell New Mexico so you know mileage may vary. Also Beverly’s abusive husband. I imagine that those will effect you harder if you hadn’t read the book and knew they were coming.

Holy mother of Fat!phobia, Batman! So unnecessary and not all of it is lifted from the books. I felt they could have at least at the end had Ben make it explicit that losing the weight didn’t matter at least that he was still loved for he was.

I don’t know exactly how I feel about how they found the Ritual of Chud stuff (which is different in the book, it involves some more graphic stuff but that wasn’t filmable so I understand why that changed.) I am not knowledgeable enough to comment or critique the Native American bits so I’ll leave that to better people than me to dissect. I will say that the ritual loses something in adaptation not due to the actual change but that in the book it is involved in BOTH timelines.

I understand why they were cut and I wouldn’t argue that they weren’t necessary cuts, and it wasn’t like their roles in the book were that great but the cutting of Patty and Audra in particular was a little sad to me. Why make such a big deal about who they cast as Audra if they weren’t going to do Audra’s whole bit in the final act??? They might as well should have cut her all together and just reference Bill has trouble with endings.

I had to shut my eyes at the two child!deaths, because while they weren’t scary, I just can’t handle that. So I guess content warning for that because in the first Georgie’s (nor Patrick’s or Henry’s for that matter) were all that graphic, but this one was.

While I love that Mike got to be in the sewer, and he did get more this time around than the first, but I still think he was short changed over all. I think they should have given him more of an emotional resonance with Stan’s death since he made the call. And in the book that was such a big thing for him, stressing out about making the calls. In the film they make it like Mike is just bulldozing them into this (I didn’t like the lie about the ritual) whereas in the book, Mike’s whole thing was him being worried that he was leading the others to their deaths.

Now the middle of the road - neither here nor there stuff:

So the just a bit of casting fun, the main gay basher dude in the beginning. That actor actually plays a major character whose gay in TNT’s Animal Kingdom whose love interest on that show is named Adrian of all things. Just a bit of an odd coincidence, that.

It was gorier but just as scary as the first one. I just closed my eyes during the child deaths as mentioned, but other than that if you didn’t find the first one scary, I doubt your mind is going to change with this one.

There were way too many trailers in front of this movie. That is all. (Also someone needs to talk to me about Ewan MacGregor’s American accent. Also does Doctor Sleep take place in Kubrick’s The Shining or King’s The Shining because those two are very VERY different things)

Now the big one, which wasn’t a downside for me which is why this is in this section and not the above, but I guess it will be for others because I know people had hopes up. Reddie is not subtext but it isn’t like out and out explicit either. The reviews calling this “Horror Brokeback Mountain” were overblown and it was over-marketed. It is not on par with the queer baiting of many things but you aren’t going to get an explicit “I love you” or “I am gay” out of either Eddie or Richie. BUT it isn’t subtext, they make explicit references to it so that anyone who doesn’t read it for what it is, is just fooling themselves or being willfully homophobic. My expectations on that front were low, and I do think they baited it as more than it was, but honestly we all knew Eddie was dying and this film already had one bad gay death, do you all really want to die on that hill?

My big Mike complaints are above, but I guess my middle road of thing was last year they made a big thing about Mike possibly being in an addict in which I was just, “No.” But while there was some subtle prop hints they didn’t really lean on that and for that I am grateful.

All the Billverly was basically what you saw in the trailers, I will talk more about this below.

How they explained how Henry Bowers survived was pretty weak.

Now the STUFF I LIKE. PREP FOR CAPSLOCK! AND GENERAL INCOHERENCE

The Stephen King cameo was great! I LOVED IT!

THE KIDS ARE STILL AMAZING I LOVE THEM!

No really all the kid scenes were great, and the CGI used wasn’t too bad, the only scene where I was like “uh oh puberty” was in the Bill and Bev bike scene with Jaeden and his voice which definitely sounded different from the connecting scene from the first film.

The separated scenes during the climax were great (tho so sad Mike didn’t get one :(((((((() Particularly the Bill and the Bev and Ben ones. Like the emotional pull of the Ben and Bev scene was amazing and PRIME OTP material, their hands grabbing each other.

MY BOY BEN!!!! Omg, I know everyone was and is rightfully crowing about Bill Hader (Richie) and James Ransone (Eddie), but THIS WAS MY BOY BEN’S BIGGEST FILM. And he may have forgotten most of the events but he held on to that yearbook page and he never forgot Bev, and he understood all this time. I LOVE HIM> HE IS MY THIRD AND ONE NON-DISASTER SON!!!

Ben and Beverly who are my RIDE OR DIE IT OTP, were so good. AND THEY RIDE OFF ON A SAILBOAT?! OMG Is this real, did I dream that? OMG Benverly is so good!! The kiss at the lake,

I am not over this but Ben Hanscom gave me such Pacey Witter vibes it was fucking UNREAL. We love a great, thoughtful romantic lead guys. WE LOVE IT SO FREAKING DAMN MUCH!!!

Ok I really loved Bill’s whole thing with his guilt over not wanting to play with Georgie one time and and the scene in the cellar..... Was it cliche? Yes. Do I care? Hell fucking No.

I love that they changed the ending and that they don’t forget. Bill and Mike’s I love you (which in the movie is platonic, but if anyone wants to go there I wouldn’t complain).

I love how they kept Stan present even with what happens in the beginning. I loved that he is the emotional core of it all. I loved the bar mitzvah scene. I JUST....STAN!!! Take me to the universe where you get to live. Please. I guess you could say that the way his letter frames the suicide is problematic, but the letter at the end had me in tears.

AND NOW FOR THE THING MOST OF ALL. THE THING THAT GAVE ME THE MOST JOY, I ALMOST SQUEALED:

THE DEADLIGHTS - OMG, The dead lights. I kept my expectations as to IT’s true form very low, but if you are worried they are going to just repeat with Giant Spider from the miniseries you are wrong, they allude to it but keep the Lights and it was everything that I hoped it would be.

IT SAID IT’S NAME! EATER OF WORLDS!!!!! I literally cried. I was so worried when I saw the Bev scene that they were going to ruin IT’s backstory and make it boring and they didn’t. The animation sequence was really brilliant.

Give Bill Skarsgard a fucking medal.

THEY LOVED EACH OTHER GUYS. THEY REALLY LOVED EACH OTHER.

#film: it chapter 2 #it 2 spoilers #SPOILERS #In general I loved it #was it perfect? no #but did I cry? yes #Also this will be a temporary benverly blog so be mindful

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choupetit · 5 years

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GOT Recap: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Airdate: 4/21/19 ; Season 8, Episode 2

Meep, things are really heating up on Game of Thrones! Or rather, cooling down…oh heck, I don’t know what to do with all the Fire and Ice metaphors. Let’s just say, stuff is getting real and the latest installment of GOT gave us one last moment to enjoy the fuzzy warm feels before next week’s huge battle against the Night King’s army begins. This last episode was all about wish fulfillment and tying up loose ends for viewers – and I’m still a bit conflicted about how I feel about it all. But fear not, we’ll get into my two cents about it very soon. Now, find a warm body to snuggle up to and get a toasty fire going, because the night is dark and full of manipulative story ploys. Here’s my recap of: “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms.”

I Know What You Did Last Long Summer

We start things off with Jaime Lannister standing before a tribunal in the Great Hall at Winterfell, with Sansa Stark, Daenerys Targaryen, and Jon Snow seated at the VIP table. Dany shares that she and her brother grew up talking about what they would do to the man who murdered their father, once they captured him and reclaimed the Seven Kingdoms. She points out that Cersei promised her an army, and instead has only sent one man with one hand. Ouch, that smarts. Jaime fills everybody in on Cersei’s plan: She isn’t sending any help. Rather, Queen Cersei has procured a hired army and is sending them to Winterfell to finish off whatever survivors are left after the impending war against the Dead. She lied to them all – Jaime included – and he left her to come and join Jon and Dany’s battle for the living. Daenerys casts a pointed gaze at Tyrion Lannister, who looks miserable. Ya done messed up, Ty!

Dany wonders how they can possibly trust Jaime. Tyrion sticks up for his brother, but is shot down by Daenerys who counters that perhaps this is an elaborate scheme for Jaime to assassinate her. Sansa chimes in that Jamie can’t be trusted, and lists the crappy things he did to House Stark, including attacking Ned Stark back in Season 1. When Jaime defends his actions saying it was during a time of war, and that he was protecting his family, Bran dryly states “The things we do for love.” Fear flickers in Jaime’s eyes. Bran knows!

Brienne of Tarth steps up and defends Jaime. She tells Dany how she and Jaime were captured a few years back and he defended her when she was this close to getting raped – and lost his hand in the process. To Sansa, she says that it’s only due to Jaime’s honor in keeping his word to Catelyn Stark that Brienne was able to find and save Sansa from the sadistic Ramsay Bolton. This is enough to change Sansa’s mind. Dany seems peeved by Sansa’s about-face and asks Jon what he thinks. Visibly still grappling with the bombshell about his parents, Jon doesn’t even look at Dany and simply states they need all the extra help they can get. Dany allows Jaime to stay and fight with them, and they all rise. Sansa huffs off and when Dany turns to Jon, he’s all “K gotta run, byeeee.” Ugh, you let a guy ride your dragon one time and then he gets all weird on you. Brienne shoots Jaime a look that clearly states “Don’t make me regret sticking my neck out for you,” and Bran just stares at him. Again. Creepily.

Rebuffed by her lover, and fuming about Cersei’s deceipt, Dany is ripe to start throwing cell phones at her assistants. She chews out Tyrion for being either in cahoots with Cersei, or a damn fool. When Tyrion tells her it’s the latter, she retorts “It’s not the first time,” and indicates his time may be up serving as Hand of the Queen. Varys and Ser Jorah are all “Awwwwkward.”

Number 1 Crush

At the Winterfell forge, we see Gendry’s handiwork: Tons and tons of spearheads and other weapons made of dragonglass are ready to be wielded. As Gendry works, Arya approaches and takes in all his hunky, sweaty manliness, then asks him about the weapon she requested. “Yeah, I’ll get right on that after I make a few thousand more of these. Shouldn’t you be hanging out in the crypts anyway when the fighting begins? It’s the safest place to be.” Arya questions why he thinks he’s qualified to fight – he’s just a blacksmith. When he tells her he killed a few of the Dead and she wants to know what they’re like, his reply is “Really bad”. “How bad are we talking, dude? What do they look like? How do they smell? When they change a toilet paper roll, do they do it the wrong way or the right way – and don’t you DARE say there isn’t a right way, Gendry!!” “Ok, fine, they’re like death, ok?” “Oh, cool, I know all about death!” Arya gives Gendry an impressive demo of her razor sharp knife throwing skills – it’s instant bonerville for Gendry. “So…how about that weapon?” – “Yes, ma’am, coming right up!!” Ok, these two flirting is just too much. Arya is such a badass, I love it! And she deserves a little joy in her life.

Meanwhile, a very remorseful Jaime seeks out Bran by the Weirwood tree and apologizes for pushing him out the tower window all those years ago, rendering him a paraplegic. Jaime questions why Bran didn’t tell the others about this, and Bran tells him he can’t be much use in their fight if Bran lets his family murder Jaime. “But aren’t you mad at me?” Let’s just break this down for you, dude: Bran ain’t mad at anybody. He is so beyond all those petty human emotions, because OMG you guys are all about to be annihilated by ruthless ice zombies and Bran is trying to figure out how to stop it. “Ok, so what happens after?” asks Jaime. Bran counters, “What makes you think there is an after?”

Oooh sidebar! Y’all I have been knee deep in GOT theories the past few weeks, and one of the theories I’m really into says that Jaime might be Azor Ahai (the Prince who was Promised) and plays a huge role in defeating the Night King. There’s this whole prophecy about it in the books, and the High Valyerian words for “Gold” and “Hand” are very similar to the words “Lord” and “Light”. After this chat with Bran, I’m convinced Jaime is a key player in ending the Night King’s reign.

Later, Tyrion and Jaime walk around the courtyard, discussing the two queens. Tyrion says how he truly believes Daenerys will be a great queen for the realm, and the two commiserate over how Cersei fooled them – the part about being pregnant is true, though. Tyrion notes that Jaime has never been fooled by Cersei, he’s always loved her in spite of her miserable character. When Tyrion remarks that they are likely going to die at Winterfell, he muses that at least Cersei won’t have the satisfaction of killing him. Hey, maybe his dead corpse will go down to King’s Landing and tear her apart - but Jaime isn’t listening. He is distracted by something else – or rather someone:

Brienne of Tarth, is on the practice field, watching Podrick as he spars with another fighter. Jaime shows up and chats with her about the impending battle. Brienne is weirded out by how nice Jaime is acting, because he’s always shown his snarky side around her in the past. He tells her he returned to Winterfell because we wants to serve under her command. She excuses herself. Oh man! Brienne has been holding a torch for Jaime for so many seasons and he is finally sorta living up to the person she has seen in him all along: a good and honorable guy. And he came to Winterfell to fight alongside her? Hubba hubba. And yet…I don’t see anything romantic ever happening between these two, even though there is something there. It just feels like he’s the super popular dude who’s had a lot of personal growth and really likes her and cares for her, but will never actually date her because she isn’t a supermodel. Ya know what I mean? Brienne is in the friend zone 4eva. Also, I think this whole exchange means Brienne ain’t long for this world – she’s probably going to sacrifice herself to save Jaime during the battle. Sorry, Bri Bri! We love you, though!

A Matter of Trust

In Daenerys’s quarters, Ser Jorah takes a moment to tell her to take it easy on Tyrion. He knows his Khaleesi is super pissed, but he advises her to see past Tyrion’s flub and keep him on as Hand of the Queen because he has a super big brain. Coming from Jorah, this means a lot. Then he offers another suggestion: Make more of an effort with Sansa Stark.

In the great hall, Dany requests a heart to heart with Sansa Stark who also puts in a good word for Tyrion when Daenerys makes a snarky remark about not having faith in her advisors. Geez Louise, everybody is sticking up for Tyrion in this episode! The conversation turns to Dany drawing comparisons between herself and Sansa as female leaders in a man’s world and then she’s all “Girls rule, yay!!! So...why don’t you like me?” - “Honestly? Because guys can do pretty dumb stuff for women and they’re easily manipulated. And you basically convinced Jon to give up his crown for you” Dany’s all: “Ok, so, real talk? I was all about taking the Iron Throne, and then Jon pops up and tells me about these weird Snow Zombies coming to destroy us all, and I dropped everything to help him fight his war, so…who is being manipulated?” [Personally, I think that’s a lame argument, because obviously the survival of mankind is still totally in your interest, Daenerys, because if they are all dead you don’t have anybody to rule, m’kay?] Sansa warms a bit to Dany, and tells her she should have thanked her when she arrived. But just as Daenerys is cozying up to Sansa and holding her hands, Sansa takes things right back to business – God, I love her for it: “So, Dany, riddle me this: Let’s say we defeat the Night King and Cersei. What happens next?” Dany’s face is a little perplexed “Um, I rule on the Iron Throne. Obviously.” –“Yeah, but what about the North? We took back our land and we swore we’d never give it back, so…what about the North?” This does not make Dany happy, and she looks about ready to lose it.

Thankfully, however, their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of: Theon Greyjoy and his men. He fills them in on the successful rescue of Yara, and informs Queen Daenerys that Yara is reclaiming the Iron Isles for Dany. He returned to fight for Winterfell – if they’ll have him. Sansa’s eyes fill with tears and she rushes to embrace Theon. It’s a very sweet moment but also, I’m immediately worried that the writers are going to try and make something romantic happen here. Ew, not Theon. I’m just going to chalk this up to him and Sansa sharing a strong mutual survivor bond. Also, my death prediction: Theon is sooo gonna die. And they've been making Daenerys super unlikeable these past two episodes that it has me a little nervous they might off her, too.

In the courtyard, Davos is running a soup kitchen and gives a short pep talk to some of the men who have arrived. Gilly is telling some girls how safe the crypts are – the safest place at Winterfell, actually. You guys, make sure you write this down: The crypts - where they keep all the dead bodies which have not been burned - are the safest place in Winterfell. So if you have zero fighting skills, you really totally without a doubt need to head to the crypts where no dead bodies will suddenly come to life and attack you because the crypts are S-A-F-E, you got it?

A little girl asks where she should go when the battle starts because she wants to fight, too. Gilly advises her to go to…you got it. The crypts. Le sigh.

A horn blows and Jon turns the corner to see who it is: The Night’s Watch from Castle Black have arrived and as he goes to bro hug Dolorous Edd, he’s tackled by Thormund Giantsbane like an overjoyed Saint Bernard pup. Beric Dondarrion is there, too. Yay, Jon’s happy to see them all and probably is even happier that he has more legit reasons to avoid Daenerys. His friends inform him they met up at the Last Hearth - everybody was dead and gone. It’s safe to assume anybody who hasn’t made it to Winterfell by now has been claimed by the Night King’s army. Jon asks how long until the Dead will arrive and Thormund replies: Just before sunrise. Also, Thormund would really like to know where Brienne is. Oh me, oh my – will my Brienne, Jaime, Thormund troika dreams come true? Unlikely, but I do love Thormund’s interest in Brienne, if only for the comic relief it provides.

In the war room, all the important peeps have gathered to talk strategy. The Night King’s army is too big, and they never tire, so Jon & Co. won’t be able to beat them in a straight fight. Their best chance at survival is to kill the Night King – if they kill him, they kill his army. But how? If he’s that important, the Night King won’t risk exposing himself – when they say this, I just imagine the Night King in a long trench coat. Yeah, I’m mature. Bran volunteers to be human bait, because the Night King is after him. But why, Bran, why? We discover that the Night King’s ultimate goal is an endless night and he wants to wipe out all trace of men and their memories. Bran is basically a human hard drive with the entire history of their world and the Night King wants to erase it all. I don’t know…it’s kind of a weird reason to me. I mean, if the Night King is gonna kill everybody anyway, why is it so important that he kill Bran first? Sam waxes poetic about death and how when we die our memories are forgotten and we are forgotten, blah, blah, blah, but I still don’t get it. What is the difference between wiping out all of mankind’s history and killing everybody vs. just wiping out mankind? Wouldn’t wiping out mankind just, like...wipe out mankind and its history? I don’t know folks. Clue me in if you understand. Or is it just a matter of getting rid of any evidence on how to stop the Night King? In that case, just say so, Bran.

Anyhoo, Bran will wait for the Night King in the Godswood – he has a GPS tracking device on him, so the Night King always knows where he is. His siblings are vehemently against it, but Theon volunteers to be there with his guys to help protect Bran. Why do we think this is a better idea than Bran’s own family protecting him? I mean, other than simply using this as a plot device for Theon to die while defending Bran and thus somehow redeem himself for all the shitty stuff he did to the Stark kids when they were younger? Obviously, I’m not a big fan of this scene.

Dany tells Tyrion he’ll have to wait in the crypts during the battle because: a) they are super safe and b) Dany needs his mind because her faith in him has been restored. Yeah, after hearing what everybody told her so far, she also polled 28 whores about his character and realized she shouldn’t fire him after all because he’s a good dude and actually really smart. Except for when it comes to trusting his evil sister, whose superpower is stabbing people in the back, who has always hated him, and has never done anything in her life to prove herself trustworthy in his eyes.

Oh, and one more thing: They’ll need to have the dragons close by to save Bran if things go bad. Not too close to give anything away. Just close enough to probably be completely useless and get one more dragon killed. M’kay? Sounds like a plan, team!

As they wrap things up, Thormund points out the silver lining: They are all going to die, but at least they’ll die together. He flashes a winning look at Brienne. Jon hastily leaves, expertly avoiding Dany once again, and everybody except Bran and Tyrion exits the room. Tyrion tells Bran he wants to hear all about his stories and they both settle in next to the fire.

One Last Waltz

And now…get ready for the showrunners to check off all your hopes and dreams for all your favorite characters so you can have one final lovely memory of them all alive before everything goes to hell:

In the courtyard, Grew Worm and Missandei share a special moment where they make plans for the future. Once Grey Worm has finished securing the throne for Daenerys, he’s gonna retire with Missandei and she can visit her home again. And he’ll keep her and her peeps safe with his Unsullied pals as they live happily ever after. So…he’s gonna die, right?

On the ramparts, Jon and Sam hang together with Ghost nearby. Yay, finally we see a direwolf again! Sam asks Jon when he is going to fill Daenerys in on the revelation of Jon’s true parents. Edd arrives and declares “And now our watch begins.” Gilly and little Sam will be in the crypts (wanna know why?) and Jon tells Sam he can go, too – to protect them – but Sam scoffs and asks his buds to give him some credit. He was, after all the first of them to kill a white walker and discover other ways to defeat the Dead. They take a moment to remember their fallen friends from the Night’s Watch and Edd grimly states “Last man left, burn the rest of us.”

In the Great Hall, Tyrion and Jaime sit by the fire and enjoy a cup of wine as they ponder how much they’ve changed since their last visit to Winterfell and Tyrion bemoans the perils of self betterment – gone are his days of excessive drinking and whoreing.

Brienne and Podrick arrive in the great hall – oh hai, guys! They were looking for a place to warm up, and Jaime insists that they join him and his bro. Brienne agrees – obviously. Is she going to pass up the chance to be with her hunky unrequited love? Never. Oh, and would you look at that! Davos and Thormund pop in as well to join some theater in the round. Thormund regales them with a hilarious story of how he got the “Giantsbane” moniker. Truly, he is the shining star in this episode and certainly in this scene. I’m feeling extra manipulated by the show – now that we’re more emotionally invested in him, I’m 100% sure that he’ll be killed off next week.

Up on the ramparts, Arya sees the Hound and sits next to him. They have a nice moment when she questions why he’s even here fighting with everybody. “When is the last time you fought for anybody?”, she asks. He replies gruffly, “I fought for you, didn’t I?” And that is the line that wins the night. Awwwww, I love the Hound. Then Beric Dondarrion shows up and ruins the moment. He apologizes to Arya for the way they parted the last time they saw each other – ya know, when he sold out Gendry to Melisandre to do her voodoo magic. When he starts talking about the Lord of Light, the Hound tells him to shut his trap and Arya is all “Peace out, I’m gonna find something better to do than spend my final hours with you old farts.”

Next, Arya whiles away the time with some archery practice when Gendry arrives with the weapon he’s fashioned for her. It’s a spear and she gives it a whirl – not bad at all. As she shows off her fancy spear twirling skills, Arya asks Gendry what Melisandre did to him after she took him, and he tells her about the blood magic. She assumes (correctly) that Melisandre had sex with Gendry and suddenly Arya is grilling Gendry about all his past partners, presumably calculating her risk of contracting syphilis. Apparently, Gendry’s number of former lovers is satisfactory and Arya reveals that if she’s going to die in the battle against the dead, she wants to at least know what sex feels like and they get. It. On. Oh my stars!! I’m equal parts stoked that Arya and Gendry hooked up, and also intensely worried now that one of them will die – maybe even both of them. Gah! I wish I wasn’t so traumatized by GOT to assume that any time a good moment happens, it will be yanked away, but such is the life of the Game of Thrones fan: We can’t have nice things.

Call Me By Your Name

Back in the Great Hall, Tyrion remarks how all of the people in the room had at one point fought the Starks in one way or another, and now they are united in fighting together at Winterfell. As Tyrion gives them all a verbal pat on the back for surviving so many battles, he accidentally calls Brienne “Ser” and corrects himself. Thormund is confused that Brienne isn’t a knight, and she tells him women can’t be knights because sexist traditions are alive and well in Westeros. When Thormund tells her he’d make her a knight if he were king, Jaime points out that you don’t need a king to be knighted – another knight can do it. And so, with a little coaxing everybody encourages Brienne to get knighted. She’s always wanted to be a knight and she accepts the honor with all the grace and reverence it warrants. Ser Jaime Lannister taps her shoulders with his sword, reciting the words and at last proclaims her a Knight of the Seven Kingdoms. As the men in the room start a slow clap and cheer for her, Ser Brienne of Tarth rises with tears in her eyes and a luminous smile. Oh God, she’s toast now!!!!

In the courtyard, Ser Jorah Mormont and his little cuz Lyanna Mormont argue. He thinks she should go to the crypts –I really don’t want to say this, but I must…because they are the safest place to be—and Lyanna insists that she vowed to fight, and that’s precisely what she’ll do. She wishes him well just as Samwell Tarly shows up. He presents his family’s sword to Ser Jorah. It’s called Heartsbane and it’s made of Valyrian steel. The sword is too heavy for Sam to wield himself. He shares that Lord Commander Mormont – Jorah’s father – was a wonderful mentor who taught Sam to always do what’s right, and Sam would be honored for Jorah to have it. Ser Jorah accepts the weapon, and then Sam has to go and say something like: “I’ll see you when the battle’s through.” F#$K!!!! So now Jorah’s gonna die?! I can’t take it, you guys!

Aaaand we’re back at the Great Hall, where the wine has run out and the karaoke portion of the night has begun. Podrick, it turns out, has the voice of an angel and treats the group to a lovely and haunting melody. It’s a perfect tune for a montage scene and we get one last glimpse of all the characters we’ve come to love as they have one last tender and bittersweet moment of togetherness.

In the ever-so-safe crypts, Jon stands at Lyanna’s coffin and statue, and Daenerys approaches. She asks who the statue is of, and Jon simply says “Lyanna Stark.” Dany knows the story of Lyanna’s abduction – she tells Jon that she grew up hearing such good things about her brother Rhaegar, who was known to be kind and decent, and yet, he raped Lyanna. Jon corrects her “Oh, but he didn’t,” and all the details spill out. Dany is shook by the revelation that Jon is actually Rhaegar’s legitimate son and asks how he knows this – she is not impressed by Jon’s sources and points out how convenient it is that his brother and best friend are the only people who can corroborate the story. Her thoughts immediately go to the Iron Throne and the fact that Jon would have a better claim to it, if what he says is true. Before they can go into things further, a horn sounds: The Dead are here. Jon and Dany give each other a look of agreement and both storm off – presumably to ride some dragons.

In the dark, a horse’s hoof stops in the snow and as the camera pans up, it reveals the Night King’s lieutenants all lined up in formation, ready for the attack, their gaze fixed upon Winterfell in the near distance. Roll credits.

Holy moly so many people are gonna die next week, and I am losing my mind over here! This episode was a lot of things, and while I feel like I got all the moments I technically wanted, I also feel weirdly placated by the writers for actually giving those moments to us viewers. I’m not sure how true some of the actions were to the characters, and it seemed more like the last 20 minutes were purely catering to the audience’s wishes before the showrunners kill off all the people they shone a spotlight on in this episode. It’s hard to truly enjoy something when you feel like you’re being set up for a fall, ya know? But overall, it was a fine episode to set up the epic battle next week.

The takeaways for me were: Jaime has an important role to play in ending the long night. Dany’s whole worldview is going to have to be reconsidered unless of course she (or Jon) dies, making the whole “Who deserves the crown more?” a moot point. Maybe she’ll even screw Jon over? Tyrion will likely survive and I’m wondering if Bran shared something important with him during their chat. That way, if Bran should perish, Tyrion will have some trump card of knowledge to share with the others. Arya is probably toast – if not, then Gendry is. Brienne will die – for SURE! Oh, and the crypts are the least safe place to be and some freaky deaky stuff is gonna happen down there next episode.

I would like to point out that we didn’t actually see the Night King standing outside Winterfell with his homies. Like I mentioned earlier, I am reading so many different theories and one is that the Night King is splitting up his army, and he is heading straight to King’s Landing with his ice dragon to torch the city and turn its 1 million inhabitants into an army that nobody can match.

Will all my death predictions come true? Will the Night King fool us all and fly to Essos to kill the fire priestesses? Or will Melisandre suddenly pop up at the 11th hour to save the day? Are there any other important theories I have yet to discover? I’m sure by next week we’ll know a lot more, and also be bawling our eyes out as Jaime tenderly holds a dying Brienne in his arms, who it turn holds a dying Thormund in hers. It could happen, you guys. I’ll see ya here next week for a grief group therapy session!

#GOT #Game Of Thrones #GameOfThrones #Seven Kingdoms #Brienne #Lannister #Stark #Targaryen #Season 8 #a knight of the seven kingdoms #Daenerys #Sansa #tyrion #jaime #recap #recaps #GOTrecaps

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