#his last album is already 2 months old so a new one makes sense

[f-ngrl]

kitsyojiiwtf D-1 💿📀 2023.06.13 18:00 키츠요지 EP [FrediCassoISMYPRODUCER] Track List 1. No Auto-Tune Music 2. Water 3. 근본 2 (Feat. 딥플로우) @deepflow39 4. Hattori Hanzo (Feat. Chillin Homie, 노윤하) @chillinhomiethesavior @1san_newcity_boy 5. Rap Money (Feat. Owen, DADA) @owenmyown @iamdadac 6. 동전 한 닢 Freestyle 7. AVENUEL (Feat. The Quiett, Rakon) @thequiett @rockonasrakon 8. Where Are We (Feat. 가오가이) @kaogaiiwtf 9. P4P 10. NSW yojii (Feat. NSW yoon) @nswyoon All Tracks Produced By Fredi Casso @fredi__casso

[brightlypainted]

I went completely bananas and wrote a full analysis of Joker Out and JO fandom stuff and situation... idk

Hi baby boos!

I’ve seen some confusion regarding JO’s latest announcements and social media activity (or lack thereof) so I've tried to analyze the current situation with a critical eye 🤓

I don't use Tumblr much so you're probably more familiar with my Twitter but I got suggested to post this here for easier reading (and... better audience in general 👀)

Long rant under the cut:

Before I begin I must point out that these are my opinions and theories. I have no idea how JO’s communication and management is being organized right now, I’m just making assumptions based on my perception as a fan 🤷‍♀️

(also I’m a communication graduate but my studies and current job cover this sector only tangentially so I may not know how some/most of this works…)

Let’s start with comparing last year’s situation to the current one: one year ago the boys were riding high on the wave of enthusiasm, having had a successful ESC (despite the ending placement) and having gained a lot of attention as fan favorite competitors ✨

A very high % of the growing fanbase, esp the international one, was coming directly or tangentially through ESC and how do you maintain that attention once the contest is over? you increase your social media presence and you start planning international concerts. which they did!

This constant exposure to content made the fandom flourish: we were all witnessing how easily people from everywhere could join and already feel at the very center of attention, both because JO’s communication was being very active and successful and also thanks to fanmade organizations like JokerOutSubs, group chats, old time Slovenian fans sharing juicy pre-ESC content, etc. I'll be grateful forever

We had a past year that could be divided into 2 halves in terms of communication: it all went extremely well until more or less the end of 2023 (last tour dates in Spain) and then started gradually becoming very odd and chaotic all through 2024 until last month’s complete draught

We know that they mostly tend to manage their online presence on their own, so ofc during breaks and during very busy times is harder for them to find good content to share. They had also been very clear about needing time off their phones all through the London era and the album recording in Hamburg, so that didn’t come as a surprise for fans 🤷‍♀️

But having very sensible, personal reasons to quit/decrease social media presence has unfortunately no meaning in communication, where the laws are very simple: once you stop sharing, you stop existing

I don’t want to criticize their choices, because they are entitled to their privacy and offline time. I’m just pointing out that this very long, hiccup-y period probably could have been avoided with better management and with the presence of a smm/pre-planned sm communication 🙃

It also unfortunately happened concurrently to the new ESC season, which was bound to “organically” erode part of the fandom anyway, and to an EU tour that, although successful, has still highlighted a lazy/bad management and yet again a communication that made little to no sense at times (es. the whole campaign that subtly asked people to go to more than one concert, which clearly made fans with less financial and logistical possibilities feel ‘lacking’ and ‘inferior’) 🙄

In their defense, the tour was to establish a fanbase more than gaining more fans and exposure, so pushing for getting more of a loyal than an occasional fanbase wasn’t completely wrong an idea… it just backfired

And it did because the greatest part of their international fanbase is made of very young people who aren’t financially independent and whose interests are bound to be fleeting and shifting ESPECIALLY when they aren’t constantly met with content production/consumption

Let’s also not forget that having completely shifted their attention to international waters at the expense of the Slovenian/regional fanbase has been very risky. We still can’t tell if the gamble was successful or not

It’s never a good idea to ignore/neglect your hardcore supporters, the very people that helped you raise to your current standards. it’s true they are the most loyal, but they are also very easily the ones that could feel more betrayed

I also think it’s very risky trying to shift the fans’ content consumption out of social media and into a (controlled, easier to manage, ofc) site like Openstage for two main reasons: as said before, complete disappearance from socials means communicational suicide and until now, the “dedicated content” directed toward fans on the site has been… too bland and generic (sorry)(they can learn how to improve that)

Openstage has other very interesting uses tho, firstly the early access to ticket sales and secondly the tracking of international fan presence, which was pretty clearly the main goal and reason why they opened the site in the first place... so it’s not ex ante a bad communication choice, just (until now) one that has yet to show its potential and usefulness

So what now? I think it’s time they make a few considerations and sensible choices to maintain what’s currently the status quo and in order to tackle festival season in the best way

They need to keep their international presence by opening their fanbase to a new kind of fans: festivals bring exposure to bands from a very specific type of fanbase, more interested in music than in contents. If they manage to capture the interest of Sziget people, for example, they could gather a new type of international fanbase less interested in the “social media” content consumption and more in the “I wanna see these guys play again, somewhere else, maybe a show of their own” way

(which, to be completely fair, could be the best choice to cure their current crazy/shifting/confusing fanbase state, giving them more peace of mind, more privacy and a more “normal” rock band experience than the one they had in the past year… that we can all agree has been pretty bad at times)

I personally think this summer season must go in the quantity direction (gaining more new fans) and at the same time in the quality direction (less shows, bigger stages) and this is why some of you are disappointed in seeing so little shows compared to last year or to the SYS tour... I get it

Many of us, me included, won’t be seeing JO live for the whole summer season, and I’m aware that is disappointing, but I hope this analysis has helped you put things into perspective and consider maybe one of the possible reasons why this next phase for Joker Out is being organized this way

I’m still hoping they’ll find a good compromise with their social media communication, because right now I really feel that being the main issue with the gradual but constant drop in traction (please boys hire a smm. i adore jan’s sad edits and the unhinged video and stories like the next person but serious work has to be done too)

Ending the rant on a note of hope: I wish to see you all enjoy the summer and the content to come and I hope for the boys to have a successful, fun season full of new experiences, new music, new people, fresh ideas for the future. I’m honestly very excited for what’s to come! 🌻

[for-yoongi0309]

Suga of BTS: “You have to find what makes you happy, what brings you joy”

As he prepares for his first solo tour and shares his debut solo album ‘D-DAY’, the BTS rapper talks to NME about his Agust D alter-ego and the importance of living in the moment

To be honest, I had this sense of being a victim when I was very young,” BTS’ Suga says, taking a sip from the big cardboard cup in his hand. It’s an early April morning in Seoul and the rapper, producer and songwriter is discussing his alter-ego Agust D on a video call with NME as he prepares to return under the moniker for the final part of a trilogy of records. “I came up with the name because I had [this] hate, [this] anger inside me […] I couldn’t control that anger.”

When he first introduced us to Agust D back in 2016 with his self-titled debut mixtape, Suga used the alias as a vehicle to express those fiery emotions. Although he had spent years in his hometown of Daegu passionately pursuing music, when he debuted with BTS in 2013, he felt the rejection of other artists and fans outside the K-pop realm; his rap credentials not taken seriously now he was a member of a boyband. It fuelled his early solo music, that first mixtape full of barbed lines positioning him as mightier and fiercer than those who spurned him. “I’m the thorn in the side of those hyungs that are far from success,” he spits in one such lyric on the record’s title track.

As we grow up, get older and experience more, we often learn how to control the fire that blazes in our gut and, in the intervening seven years since ‘Agust D’, Suga has gone on his own journey with that. You can trace it in the evolution of his solo music, from the soul-searching of 2020’s ‘D-2’ mixtape, to his debut solo album ‘D-DAY’. The flames still burn at times – “Fuck that shit you think you know ’bout me,” he declares on the shadowy ‘HUH?!’, featuring J-hope. But there’s also an undercurrent of peace, not least in him ending the new record on ‘Life Goes On’, a more tranquil track that opens with his verse from the BTS song of the same name.

Although he acknowledges there has been a transformation in him and Agust D since 2016, he rejects that it’s because his life has changed – “I still live as Suga of BTS and, as a person, Min Yunki,” he reasons. Instead, he characterises it as a natural part of our life cycle: “Things change, situations change – people have no choice but to change.” Later in our conversation, he returns to this idea. “Everybody changes, but what’s important is the way that we change,” he says, cracking a small smile and adding with a chuckle: “I think I changed very nicely.”

One such metamorphosis – and one that informs ‘D-DAY’ as a whole – that Suga has gone through over the last few years has been the rapper’s attitude to focusing on the present; living in the moment rather than fretting over regrets from the past or the unknowns of the future. “I think we should be the subject in the life that we’re living now,” he explains. “You might think, ‘Future me is going to live in this big house, a nice house’ and, of course that would be nice. But, I think, in that process, the most important thing is me.” He leans forward in his seat slightly, widening his eyes to emphasise his next point: “I’m going to be the person that’s going to be in the future, so I’m just trying to say [I] should focus on the me now.”

It’s a perspective that Suga adjusted to during the pandemic, when our lack of control over our days, weeks, months and years ahead came into excruciatingly sharp focus. For the members of BTS, that meant, in part, being forced to cancel the ‘Map Of The Soul’ world tour they’d already sold tickets and begun preparing for. “I thought, ‘Well, what can I do right now at this moment?’” he says. After listing out his concerns to himself and “things I was in pain with”, he decided to do something about the old shoulder injury he’d sustained in a motorcycle accident in his trainee days and underwent surgery – an act in the present moment only he was in charge of.

Focusing on the now could be seen as something of a survival tactic; a way of living that makes the stresses and strains of our modern world a little more bearable. In Suga’s mind, love is another part of that handbook to endurance, and an antidote to the loneliness he details on the IU collaboration ‘People Pt.2’. “I just hope that people simply love,” he says, explaining that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to be in love with another person. “It can be a simple thing, like loving coffee or you can even love your internet community. But I just hope that people love people – let’s hate less, let’s be angry a little less, because we all feel lonely.”

The gentle, comforting boom-bap of ‘People Pt.2’, a thematic sister song to ‘D-2’’s ‘People’, offers consolation and solidarity with anyone feeling isolated, Suga rapping: “If you can’t hold it back, it’s okay to cry / You’re already more than enough to be loved.” He quotes these lyrics to NME and rubs the back of his neck with a sigh. “I’m just trying to say that you’re enough [as] yourself and you deserve to be loved on your own, and I’m also saying this to myself too. I just hope that everyone gets loved from the moment they’re born until they die.”

They’re powerful words in a world where it can feel like toxicity reigns and the nature of our chronically online lives, sifting through divisive misinformation and comparing ourselves to others on social media, can easily wear you down. ‘D-DAY’’s main track, the urgent ‘Haegeum’, provides a rallying cry to free ourselves and our existence as “slaves to capitalism, slaves to money / Slaves to hatred and prejudice / Slaves to YouTube, slaves to flexin’”. “This song’s a haegeum,” Suga raps in the chorus, using the Korean word for both liberation and the traditional string instrument that features on the track. “Get on board now.”

The song, he notes again, is as much a message to himself as it is to the wider world. “I’m a slave to capitalism, to YouTube, to money, and I have to say that to myself so I won’t be like that,” he shares. Does he really think, in this day and age, that music can still inspire big change in our society? He smiles wryly and replies: “Music certainly has the power, but we cannot be free.” Not all hope is lost, though. We can still find some form of emancipation by “being less conscious of other people[’s opinions]” and “find[ing] a way to make ourselves happy”.

Much like his views on love, happiness doesn’t need to be something big and complicated. “If eating makes you happy, just eat,” he explains. “If making music makes you happy, just keep making music. You don’t have to put too much meaning to it.” Perhaps if locating this “ephemeral emotion” was instilled in us from childhood, we’d be better off, he suggests: “We must be educated in how to find happiness from an early age, like learning the alphabet, but we haven’t learned it like that. Smart people actually find a way really, really fast, so we must be smart – if we tell people to be happy, they’re not going to be. You have to find what makes you happy, what brings you joy.”

From next week, Suga will bring more joy to ARMYs across the US and Asia as he kicks off his first solo tour. He is the first member of BTS to embark on such a run and some of the stops will see him return to venues he previously performed in with the group. “On top of being the first one among the BTS members to go on a solo tour, I’m more excited because it’s been a long time since I went on a world tour with multiple stops in various countries,” he says

The tour poster shows the musician’s face split in two – one half largely blue, the other half mostly orange-red. Both the names Suga and Agust D sit in the top left corner, all combining to hint at a show made up of two distinct halves. Although he’s not ready to spill many details yet (“Too many spoilers will make it less fun”), he says there will be a third part too. “This tour will show Suga and Agust D as an artist, and Min Yunki as a person,” he explains. “I’ll just put it like this, ‘Suga, Agust D and Min Yunki’s tour that will burn it up’. I dare say it’ll be a totally different tour from previous BTS tours, and a tour beyond what everyone can imagine.”

As he prepares to head out on the first leg in America, the Disney+ and Weverse documentary Suga: Road To D-DAY captures a different, more personal kind of tour. The film follows the artist on a journey across the US, Korea and Japan as he searches for fresh inspiration for his solo album. Although he admits both to NME and in the documentary itself that he was never one for travelling before, the voyage gave him new revelations and valuable experiences.

“Just finding joy in travelling is itself a new discovery for me,” he explains. “Also, I gained a lot from having genuine interactions with greatly renowned international musicians [Halsey, Steve Aoki, Anderson .Paak and the late Ryuichi Sakamoto all receive visits from Suga in the film] who I had a chance to collaborate with or was very close with personally. It was [a] great lesson for me as an artist and also from person to person.” On the trip, he surmises, he achieved what he set out to do – find “a great sense of new inspiration and stimulation”.

Although the next few weeks and months look set to be busy for the rapper, and with his enlistment for mandatory military service due later this year, Suga is staying true to the message of ‘D-DAY’ and focusing on the present. “I’ve been keeping myself busy preparing for my first solo album and my solo tour these days,” he says. “I think I’ll probably be busy like this until the end of the tour. I will do my best on every stage where I can meet ARMY and I’ll take good care of my health to do so.”

© Rhian Daly of NME

[stillyour-sweetheart]

Hi <3 I came across some of your old posts about heartbreak. I am going through something similar and have been feeling down lately. Your feed feels so welcoming and warm :-) How did you find healing and peace?

Awe, hello there! First of all, thank you so much for liking my feed and for taking the time to send me a message. Secondly, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through… I know how much this hurts. It’s like a pain that can’t be described. It’s a pain that I wouldn’t want to wish upon any of my enemies. It really, really hurts. You know, it’s funny (in a very sad and ironic way). So the heartbreak and guy that you’re referring to happened more than a year ago already. Within that timeframe, I happened to find someone new about 6 months later (this was totally by chance bc I wasn't even looking!) We dated for 6 almost 7 months, and he just recently broke up with me around 2 weeks ago. I hope that makes sense, I know it sounds really convoluted. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I’m experiencing heartbreak all over again, but with a different person. It feels fresh – again. 

Unfortunately, I can’t say that it gets any easier the more you go through it. Each relationship is so different and you learn so many things. It feels terrible to feel like ‘the one’ has slipped through your fingers. It’s hard to readjust to live on your own again and to build yourself back with the now broken pieces. Some things that I’ve found that do help are being honest with your struggles and reaching out to your support system. People who can fill your cup with genuine love. Your cup will feel empty right now because you won’t have the energy to fill it up yourself. I have been talking to a lot of my friends about the way that I feel. I’ve reached out to my sister, something that I’ve always wanted to do and failed to do last time. Each person comes and listens and gives advice and different perspectives, but they all do so lovingly and with tact. I find this helpful. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by a really good and close-knit support system made up of people that I trust with my life. I utilized that because I’m the type of person who needs to talk to someone, I can’t bottle things up. It hurts more to be in my head. Surround yourself with love. Try not to equate yourself with the love that has left, but the love that still continues to surround you.  

Other things that help (as cliché as this sounds) are just keeping yourself busy/distracted. Put out your emotions and make them into something tangible. Do you like art? To draw? Do it. Do you like coffee? Go out and get some. Have you been meaning to clean your room? Check out that vintage store? Or listen to that new album? Do it! Now is a good time to fully indulge in the things that you’ve been pushing to the side for whatever reason. Fully immerse yourself in them (this is assuming that none of them are unhealthy of course). 

But even with that being said, don’t ignore how you feel either. Don’t be SO distracted that you push all your feelings aside. FEEL THEM! Cry! Be MAD! Be confused! Sometimes I’ll just sit on the couch at the end of the day, and simply cry. The feeling of wanting to cry comes out of nowhere, but I allow myself to do it. I cry and I feel my whole face wet, and then I continue to sit. And the feeling moves on. It comes in waves. Expect to feel not in control of them, and let them come and go as they please. 

I don’t know if any of this was helpful or not… I’m so sorry that I wrote so much. But one last thing I do want to tell you and emphasize is this: every relationship is made up of two IMPERFECT people. NO ONE person is to blame for the end of it. Each person shows up with the insecurities and shortcomings they have and hope to make things work. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean there wasn’t love. It doesn’t mean that your efforts and feelings are invalidated. I think that’s one of the hardest things for me to believe – that the love was real even though the results tell me otherwise. Every ending of a relationship I get so fixated on the fact that I hope that the guy regrets, and this is something you won’t know (unless for some reason they come back saying it). However, something I CAN tell you for SURE is that whether they regret or not, they won’t ever find another YOU. Why? Because there is only ONE you. Take comfort in that and be proud of yourself and who you are because in that sense, you are irreplaceable. Does that make sense? You bring to the table strengths, history, weaknesses, etc. that no one else can. And they will realize this. 

Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I really do wish I could help take your pain away, especially because I know how much it hurts. Just know that you will and can get through this. You will shine even brighter than before and in that way, your love will also emulate that when you decide to love again. I’m here for you if you need anything else! And thanks for reading and entrusting me with your message <3 

[lwt28brave]

LT2 masterpost

If it was up to me, we would get an autumn or winter EP. Since it’s not up to me at all, here, enjoy this post with everything we know so far of LT2, which is to say, not much at all. Everything here is hypothetical. I’ll be updating every time I see something relevant. A little disclaimer that while this is a masterpost (kinda), it could be read as discourse (duh, it’s also a theory), AND it’s also by me, and you shouldn’t expect me to be serious at this point.

Due to me restraining myself, there’s no reference to any of the times he’s mentioned his guitar skills and him improving but I hope you know I cried every single time.

I’m also linking my old pinned here. It was written before AFHF and around the free merch thing that didn’t lead to much, but I still think I made some good points.

Possible tracks:

Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Change

Faith in the future??

369??

Possible names:

369

Faith in the future

When is the album coming out?

Your guess is as good as mine

Friday 28th of January 2022. Almost two years after Walls. It’s a Friday. It’s a 28th. What else can I say?

Here you can find @want-to-be-loved timelines for every month.

Here you can find @berlinini’s timeline of what Louis has been up to this year (2021).

The rest is under the cut. And here you can find a PDF version where Tumblr can't tell me how many pictures I can add.

2020

He said back on May 2th 2020 he wasn’t writing anything new yet.

(x)(x)(x)

Interestingly enough, he’s said many times after that that the album’s not ready cause he has no new experiences to drawn from. I won’t call him out because he does it himself.

May 4th. He liked a tweet from DMA’s Johnny Took saying they had to go write together again. Louis has been credited as an influence for them and (kind of) participated in their previous record, so I’m assuming he meant for their music and not his, but you never know.

Nothing(literally nothing??? how did we survive) until 11th of July. We all know what happened that day. We all celebrated it. Nonetheless, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

(x) So, by the beginning of July 2020 he was working on concepts and ideas for the new album. That was fifteen months ago. I know perfection takes time but…

Brief summary of important things that happened from then until the next mention of new music:

Louis left Syco!!!! 10 days later he rescheduled the tour for the first time. He followed Matt Vines on Twitter, probably so we could publicly shame him into doing something. Also, the 10thanniversary. He followed more people I wish he hadn’t.

Then more nothing until September. Not even a single tweet. The first merch drop was on the 28th of August but he just RT’ed the tweet. He first mentioned Free my Meal on the 25th of September. Then on October 1st Walls hit #1 on a lot of countries and Louis was incredibly happy and excited about it ^^

And then, that same day, October 1st, 2020, he dropped this bomb:

(x)

He also said it was too soon to be sharing new lyrics with us (x)

And, obviously, this tweet which is actually what made me start this whole post. I would hope you know mate.

(x)

He also told us he was cooking "banger after banger" and that he was incorporating more social themes into his music (x)(x) (I believe any social issue is a political issue but that’s not the point rn).

COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY?!?!

These next paragraphs are brought to you by my mind not remembering things and me not having any links. I’m assuming COACOAC came from those writing sessions that supposedly happened in October. Or in LA but I have no idea if he actually was in LA at any point other than a Daily Mail article putting him there on December which would have been too late, but I do remember that someone said he was in the studio in LA last autumn???? A rumor. Maybe. IDK. Did I mention already all of this is very hypothetical?? Well, this is it. I can’t even remember if this was October or November or what. So, take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also… taking the liberty to assume, if you must, that Copy wasn’t meant to be a Walls reject because it sounds more mature and darker and it has a vastly different tone that Walls songs. I know he’s said that song probably isn’t getting into the album, but I want to have faith (in the future) that I’m getting a studio version. (But also, Louis, if you’re reading this, first of all GET OUT OF MY BLOG second of all, please don’t ever feel pressured again to add a song to the album because we have already heard it before. It’s your art and it should always be under your own terms).

So yeah, I believe that Copy is either one of those four songs (then imagine the other three??!!) or was written around the 1st of October date.

---End of the Intermission---

Then not much important (other than sharing more about Marcus Rashford fight against food poverty and the 2nd merch drop) until he announced the livestream on the 24th of November. (x)

It wasn’t until a few days before the livestream date we even thought again about new music (jk, I know we’re always thinking about new Louis’ music). So, December 9th/10th, 2020. Nine months ago. We got our first taste of new music!

He made sure we knew Copy of a Copy of a Copy isn't a cover! (x) (x)

(x)

Ok, so that’s it for 2020. (I feel like I’m missing something from September 17th because tweet was deleted but maybe he was still talking about cucumbers. We might never know. Unless I understand how Tumblr tags work). Expected, cause Walls was released in 2020. We needed to let it sit for a while.

2021

Another Summary: Louis third tweet of the year was telling the UK government off. So was the fifth. What a good beginning. On the 26th of January, he said he prefers pancakes over waffles. I hope he meant pancakes other than his own. More importantly, he tweeted the infamous “you lot read into things too much”. Don’t get me started, Tomlinson. Don’t. Then the 31st came around and Walls was one. He tweeted this. How wise. And Project Defenceless happened!!

15th of February!! Who cares about Valentine Day when the next day we got this? ♥

(x)

(x)

So…AN EP?? AN EP?? PLEASE RELEASE AN EP.

“I’m sure I will have something out this year but unlikely that will be the album”. Unlikely but not impossible. Also. A single would be good. This is the second time he mentions releasing something in 2021 and he sounds surer about it than the first time around.

He also said that he isn’t sure we will get a studio version of Copy. And that the best bridges from Walls to LT2 are Walls, OTB, KMM and Copy. Can’t wait!

Then we jump to March 6th when he announced he was going to create his own management company. “Sometimes action is needed first to encourage the motivation and belief”. As we can tell he was already manifesting some stuff which will lead us to the numerology stuff/Tesla… kidding. Or not. We might never know.

On the 22nd of March he answered some questions:

He told us music was still his main focus ♥ mwha. (x) I included this tweet to guilt-trip him into giving us music in case he’s reading this even after I told him to leave. ILY.

(x) I’d love to get a visual EP this autumn. Just saying. It sounds like a lovely concept.

(x)

…next (I will get into it, I promise. I’m just mad).

On the 25th he left for Mexico until April 10th. You could assume it was just for the documentary where we got ten seconds of footage or admit the obvious: LT2 its a Mexican baby!!

On the 26th (so, not so far apart from that first 369) we got the first Faith in the Future mention: (x)

Back then we were innocent people who had no idea what was coming upon us. We still have no idea because what the fuck does he mean with these. Please explain. I have one braincell and I don’t use it enough for this. I’m linking some theories.

On the 30th of March he confirmed he was already working on the documentary. So AFHF was already on the works. Will it take this long for us to get the Veeps numbers? We also got this tweet: "Got a decent chorus idea down" (x).

Same person that got the “something out this year” exclusive. If you know something share with the class. Also. Is this Change? I feel like this could be Change but I also assume he wrote Change after hanging out with his friends or being in Doncaster. But who knows.

(x) And the second mention to 369.

(x) 15th of April. The second "Faith in the future".

On the 19th of April he announced that he had something BIG for us later on the year which turned out to be the Away From Home Festival ♥♥ (x) I love him so much.

Then on the 28th he announced the 369 merch drop (which it’s probably the Walls drop? Except that the TOU and KMM ones were “drop 1 and drop 2” and this was drop 369 which, again, makes no sense) but we still don’t know what 369 means.

Into May’ 21 we go.

He rescheduled tour again. And dropped another bomb (x).

He announced he has signed with BMG as an independent artist by RTing this tweet on May 10th. The article also says that he’s already working on writing and recording LT2. The timing… we don’t know. What this deal involves… we don’t know either. Bear with me here because I have a lot to say about this.

I think the deal is only a distribution one, but that BMG are interested in Louis and what he (us) could bring to the table. They were either present at the festival or watching it, but officially they had no involvement at all with it (everything is credited either to Louis own company, 78 Productions, or Charlie Lightening’s company). That’s the case for both giveaways too; the vinyl one and the tickets for the festival.

I think it would be an unbelievably bad move not to test the waters with BMG now or soon-ish. At least a single, to see how it performs. Due to the circumstances, it’s obvious there’re certain limitations on place but I want to see how they push it, whether the radio play exist this time around and if the song is playlisted and promoted and all that… I would also love to know, since it says he signed with BMG UK, but it also states it’s a global deal, how things are going to go on the US and other countries.

Yes, yes. I know those are all questions and no answers. But I know the same as you, sadly. If any of you know more than you’re letting on… again, share with the class.

Where was I? Yes, on the 25th of May Louis had a great day writing (x). Since the first time he had mentioned he was officially writing to this date there’s almost eight months. And I believe he was writing before October’ 20.

He followed Robert Harvey that day and, on the 28th of May (why is it always the 28th???) he was spotted at the studio for the first time.

June was an interesting month for the fandom ♥. Lots of LHL content which I will love and cherish for the rest of times. On June 4th, June 9th, and June 10th he was spotted at the studio, but I believe he was there more days.

(x)

This was posted on June 6th and captioned Studio. Charlie also shared it with “Mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this @louist91 #louistomlinson #LT2” as the caption. This gives me 2019 (Elton-Joint) vibes. I like it. Feels like we’re getting closer to something.

He added the Milano date on the 9th too which I’m mentioning because I’m going alone. Anyone wanna go with me please? I’m nice and I never eat anything before a concert so you can have my food. On other news. It didn’t come home.

During July he was at the studio at least three days too. Probably more. Feels like more with all the fan pictures we got. Or was that June? Anyway, July 1st and 9th we got some videos from Robert Harvey and wearesuperhi, which is who Louis has been working with the most, that we know of. I don’t know for sure they’re from that day. And on July 5th we got an article and lots of pictures of Louis looking really good outside the studio.

On the 12th of July the first fans started getting the free, 369 bucket hat and print. We still don’t know what the purpose was other than to thanks fans. Maybe that was it. I want answers and I still think it relates to a future project (see theories above), but it could also just be a bridge with the Walls breaking.

He didn’t tweet about anything interesting for a while, mostly because he lost his phone (he either throwed it in the air or smashed it who knows). Then on the 29th of July he announced the festival!

I’m glossing over it because there’s already been a lot of talk about it (rightfully) and while it was a wonderful thing, it doesn’t have much to do with LT2.

Let’s talk Change!

On August 3rd he tweeted this about the setlist.

(x)

And this (x) on the 28th! I can’t stand him.

We didn’t get it, obviously. Because who was going to get that. But we read too much into things. Alright.

On the 16thof August Dave Gibson shared this post tagged #LT2 with the eyes emojis 👀👀👀. I believe this has to do both with Change but also with whatever else came out of that Mexico trip.

(x) Last relevant tweet related to LT2 is this one.

So, on the 30th of August we got Change and we cried, and we know that Change is going in the new album. He said it. With those exact words. He also said he was “getting a feeling for it”. This has to meant he already has a general idea of the vibe of the new album and what’s going in it!!!!!! (Right? RIGHT?).

Anyway, let’s go back a few weeks because some other things happened on August. He was at the studio a few more times. Or it was suggested that he was there. On the 17th and the 18th. (Why was it so time-pressing to be at the studio instead of rehearsing for the festival? There was no studio at all on the documentary. Which makes sense, but again, then why?).

On the day of the festival we got another mention of Faith in The Future that made me feel part of a cult ngl. The words were flashing on the screen for less than a second. Okay.

And then he tweeted those words again after watching the livestream/documentary on the 4th of September (x). This is what makes me suspect it's either the name of the album or of the single.

On the same day, we got some interesting quotes about LT2 on the documentary.

“Soon I’ll have to think about me second album, which in my head I’ll get the tour out of the way and then I’ll address that. So, I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest”.

“When every day is the same is hard to feel creative and it’s hard to have any kind of proper inspiration”.

“As season started to come back, I started writing again and it was great and some of these songs turned out alright”.

And I think this is it. I might be overlooking some important details but that’s what we know and what we don’t know.

So. Conclusions. That’s what you missed on Glee. I do believe the album is, if not mostly done, partially there. And yes, this post is pointless and never-ending but it’s all in here if you need to tell Louis “Hey, you said this, mate”.

[afriendlyblackhottie]

P*$$Y Fairy

Summary: you and Chris just like to enjoy each other’s company away from LA sometimes. Part 2 of Risk.

Pairings: Chris Evans x black!popstar!reader

Warnings: Smut, fluff, daddy kink, oral sex (female receiving), weed use

Ask 1: um i just found out that chris evans used to smoke weed 😳 but like the sex tho?? 😩😩😩

Ask 2:  how are black!popstar!reader and Chris Evans doing because I loved that one

(A/N: this is like four WIPs combined into one because that second ask really helped me figure out what direction to take the first one in because for some reason I was str.ugg.ling. Apparently all the ideas I had were meant for Chris and black!popstar. Based on P*$$Y Fairy by Jhené Aiko and Positions by Ariana Grande. I also listened to the whole Confessions album while writing this because I don’t care that it came out when I was 11 it’s still so good. Anyway, reblog always 💜 ✌🏾)

Tagging: @titty-teetee​ @iam-laiya​ @zaddychris​ @hqneyyincc​ @mariahthelioness29​ @olyvoyl​ @liquorlaughslove​ @harrysthiccthighss @donutloverxo​ @queenoftheworldisdead @whiskey-cokenfanfic​ @night-of-the-living-shred​ @buckyownsmylife @blackmissfrizzle @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression​ (Just tagging people I know that read the last one)

——————————————————————————-

Things were hectic for sure. You had your career and he had his. Yet the romance was still enough to where you got swept up in. You felt like you were living in an old movie. He was always sending you flowers. When you couldn’t see each other he’d send you cute texts like they were love notes.

No one knew about what was going on, though. Sure everyone had fun on Twitter for a few days, but it quickly became yesterday’s news when everyone thought that was it. You’d sworn to secrecy to the point where your friends had no clue who your mystery man was. When anyone would ask you who sent the flowers you’d just shrug. Even on the card he’d sign with his middle name instead of his first.

He wanted to keep you to himself and vice versa. Like you were each other’s dirty little secret. It didn’t matter that everyone saw the chemistry between you. You like sneaking around with him when the both of you were in town. Sometimes even escaping the craziness of LA to just be together.

Like right now. It was stupid maybe. Everyone was bound to be worried because this was last minute and you’d left your phone at home and yet it still sounded like the best idea ever. You’d been so stressed about your newest album when he’d asked you to go away with him. You weren’t going to turn spending the weekend with him down over stressing and arguing with your producers.

As you laid in bed tangled in the sheets beside him it felt so worth it. The polaroid camera you’d picked up flashed as he took another picture of you as you let out another puff of smoke, you giggled throwing your head back making him do another one. “I think this one is my favorite,” he said, looking down at it with a smile on his face.

You raised up letting the sheet fall from around your breasts so you could look at it. “I love it,” you said, resting your chin on his bicep. He kissed your forehead before moving his lips to yours. He pushed you onto your back getting on top of you, tickling you at the same time until you were giggling again.

“Stop!” You tried to push his hands away still laughing as he took the blunt from your hand flipping over so he was beside you.

You rolled over so you were nestled into him. He was letting his hair grow out for a movie. He looked so damn good with that beard and that hair. You kissed his shoulder needing to feel him against your lips. He shivered looking at you before turning his head so you could kiss him.

He grabbed your hips so he could pull you on top of him. The way he was touching you, made your skin prickle. Your breathing heavy from how intense it felt to have him this close. Your head felt overwhelmed from all the sensations yet somehow it was like it wasn’t enough.

You laid on top of him. Enjoying the feeling of his chest moving up and down against yours. You bit your bottom lip feeling like you could fall asleep like this. He kissed your forehead again before peering up at him through heavy lidded eyes.

You don’t know you let out another giggle before kissing him. Were his lips always this soft. Yet his beard scratched against your skin. It felt so warm and inviting. Probably why you deepened it.

He wrapped his arms around your waist as you got better situated to straddled against his abs. He traced patterns into your skin with his fingertips. The soft lightening of the room only making you feel deeper into this haze you were in.

“I love you,” he mumbled.

“Yeah?” You asked him with a lazy smile spreading across your face.

He nodded, sitting up making you sit with your ass against his suddenly growing dick. “Yeah,” he breathed, looking down at your lips before nuzzling your face.

“I love you, too,” you replied, you put your head on his shoulder needing to feel him as close as possible. It never felt like it was enough.

All the flirting you’d done at that interview and this is how you’d ended up a few months later. Heads in the cloud in love. You never wanted to come down. When it was like this, it felt like nothing else even existed.

“Fuck that sounds so pretty,” he said, he smiled against your temple. “You’re so goddamn pretty, Baby. Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you, Daddy.”

You started kissing again except this time he sank you down on his dick. Making you feel so full you thought you might actually explode. He still had the blunt in his hand even as he helped you ride him, through no longer lit.

Your nipples were aching for his lips, but you were too lost to ask him to pay attention of them. His deep breaths tickling your neck yet making you feel more tingly. It was like you couldn’t think anymore. Just feel. Feel how good he always did you.

Combing his soft hair with your fingers. Tugging on the ends every time he went a little too deep. He was already stretching you out so good. It didn’t make sense how deep he got inside of you.

“Daddy,” you whimpered.

“That’s my girl,” he panted. “Yeah you like Daddy’s dick, huh, Y/N?”

You nodded. “Uh huh.”

“You love me?” He asked bouncing you up and down on top of him.

You nodded this whimper coming out of your mouth. Fuck you were getting so close. He was making you feel so good. You don’t think you ever felt like this before.

“Say it,” he demanded, moving you so you had to look in his eyes.

“I love you.” As your pussy clamped around him he forced you up and down his cock. “Fuck,” you cried, “I love you.”

“That’s my girl,” he said grabbing you so he could put you down on your back. He fully put out the blunt in the astray on the nightstand. He climbed back on top of you, spreading your legs out so wide as he started licking your pussy.

You gasped running your hands through his hair. “Fuck,” you repeated quivering as he tongue fucked you. The grip on the back of your thighs so strong as he had them in the air. His beard burning into your thighs.

“Oh, my god- Daddy!” You gasped as another orgasm creeped onto you. He was quick to move up so he could use that time to push into you. Moving his hips so he was deliberately brushing into your spot.

It was already too much. Why did he have to be doing this to you. “So good for me,” he whispered in your ear. “My girl, huh. No one else’s.”

“Never.” You tilted your head back and be took advantage, kissing prepping your throat with kisses. Then wrapping his hand around your throat gently.

“Love you so much,” he said, before finally bathing your tits in attention as if he was reading your mind. His mouth hitting this spot you’d desperately needed to be touched.

“I’m gonna,” you squeaked out like a warning, “I’m gonna cum.”

“That’s okay, Baby,” he panted. “Cum for me. Don’t you ever not cum for me.”

You started to nod when you felt it. Starting deep in your abdomen before spreading with this warmth over your lower half at the same time that this tingle sparked all over. It felt like you could turn inside out. Or like if he wasn’t on top of you, you might float away.

“That’s it.” He smiled lazily taking in how pretty you looked, your mouth open all wide as you squirted just for him. “Fuck,” he hissed as he began to reach that point soon after.

He’d fucked it into you until he couldn’t anymore before slumping on top of you. Drawing his hands around your waist so your back was arched, head buried in the valley between your breasts. You were pretty sure you could stay like this forever.

—————

At some point you had to get back to life. Inspiration seemed to hit you out of nowhere. Everyone thought you were crazy when you’d told them you wanted to scrape the album, but you couldn’t let the feeling go. You needed to capture those thoughts in your lyrics.

You didn’t want to admit that a huge chunk of the album was about him. About the things you did together. How he’d hold you down and fuck you just the way you liked. How no one else has ever been able to do you like he does.

He’d left to Boston to film another movie. It was kind of lonely in LA without him. It was crazy. You barely got to spend time with him as is even when you lived in the same city. Yet when he was away you missed him. Even the calls every night weren’t enough.

Which led to you sneaking off to Boston. You could try to keep a low profile. At least until you got to the safety of his home.

He picked you up in his Audi also you guess trying to keep a low profile in his baseball cap and sunglasses. Taking your bags after giving you a quick hug and a kiss hoping no one would notice the two of you. It was getting harder and harder for you to sneak away from everyone, but somehow you managed.

Dodger greeted you as you walked through the door. You got down to pet him while Chris went to set your things in his room. When he came back he pulled you into another hug, savoring this one.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said kissing you all sweetly. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too,” you sighed into him.

After washing the flight off of you and changing into something comfortable. The two of you enjoyed glasses of wine over the pad thai you’d ordered since neither one of you felt like cooking. You talked about finally maybe going public soon. About not wanting to hide it anymore.

You poured another glass of wine as he started kissing down your neck, pressing your stomach into the kitchen counter. He was so hard against you. He’d made you take him right there. First from behind and then turning you around so he could fuck you while you were sitting on top of it.

You scratched at his back as he carried you to the living room, bending you over again over the back of the couch. Somehow that led to you riding him on the stairs. Each time he’d made you cum so good yet still held on.

Finally he’d led you to his bedroom where he fucked you all night. Made you call him Daddy while he was deep in your stomach. Alternating between the intensity of his thrusts or pulling out to put you in all these positions so he could hold out longer.

When it was time for him to finally fill you he didn’t hold back. Cumming into you so deep that if you weren’t on birth control you were sure he would have just gotten you pregnant right then. The thought of it only made it so much more intense.

You’d finally fallen asleep all curled into him. Not being able to keep going any longer. He’d left you worn out barely even able to think. He whispered I love you against your skin.

When you woke up the next morning all wrapped up in him, both of your phones were loud going off. The buzzing noises against the wood of the nightstand made you jump. “What the fuck,” you groaned sleepily as you reached behind you to grab your iPhone. “Hello?” You asked with your voice feeling like it was all worn out.

“Y/N, where the hell are you?” Your agent asked. “And do not lie to me.”

“What?” You asked looking over to see Chris looking at his phone.

“Oh shit...”

“What?” You asked him.

“You’re with him right now?” Your agent asked and you groaned.

You wrinkled your nose as she kept talking because your brain kind of wasn’t turned on yet. “I’ll call you back.”

“Do not ha-“

But it was too late. Chris held out his phone showing you whatever was on his screen. “I’m not gonna lie I have no idea what’s going on right now,” you said putting your face into shoulder.

“Babe, they fucking got a picture of us,” he finally said.

“What?”

“Mhm. At the airport yesterday. Even got a good one of us kissing.”

You groaned. “Wow, we suck at disguising ourselves.”

He laughed bringing you close to him so you could lay on his chest. “I know.” He kissed the side of your head. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good.” You yawned into him. Your phone was still going off, but you just wanted to sleep.

“So I take it your team isn’t really happy that you’re here with me?” He asked.

You shrugged. “To be honest I don’t know if I actually care to even find out.”

He chuckled. “Good. Maybe this was a good thing?”

“Mhm. Now we don’t have to sneak around anymore.” You sighed contently. “I bet Twitter is having fun.”

“Oh definitely.” He laughed.

“I think you broke me,” you told him. Your legs felt all stiff and sore. Liked you’d just come back from a workout.

He placed more kisses on your face. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”

“Why so you can break me some more.”

“Exactly,” he said. “Who do you think is going to be the most mad at us for this?”

“Hating ass people on Twitter,” you said with a chuckle. “Who will also be the happiest. I can imagine all the comments now.”

He laughed. “Oh, we’re definitely going to be reading them over breakfast.” He started rubbing your back trying to soothe you back to sleep even as you whispered to each other. You could worry about the outside world later. For right now you wanted to enjoy the cloud the two of you were alone on.

As he laid there, he promised himself that things would be different with you. That no matter what happened he’d stick beside you. Because as Chris looked down at you, your eyes closed all nestled into him he realized he didn’t want anyone else. You were it for him. And it didn’t matter what Twitter or your teams had to say. He didn’t care how crazy life got or how busy the both of you were. Now that he had you, he wasn’t letting go.

[little-dragon-stories]

It took me too much time

A friends to lover journey for Jiyong and Y/n. Here’s how it all began.

Warning: Smut, language, cuteness overload. Oooh, in the smut part, there is a bit of masochism (not to an extreme, it’s cute. Said in another way, she loves it when it hurts a bit), outdoor sex.  Also, a big fear of storms, the mention of a fire.

W.C. 17796 (of pure hapiness... it made me very happy to write it <3)

Personal note: This is one of my fav gif of Ji. Let’s pretend that it’s him as he’s having a good time with his best friend, okay? Okay!

Sorry for that title and description, I didn’t know how to name it until now, LMAO.

Hopefully, you will love this one. It’s cute, sexy, funny. There is angst too.

Here it is

A double date, 5 years ago.

You were not sure if it was a good idea but you couldn’t refuse to go. It was a gift on a silver plate for your friend, more likely your favorite co-worker. Jiyong had agreed to go on a date with her but at one condition: it had to be a double date. Apparently, his friend Seunghyun was head over toes for you and was too shy to ask you out. It was the perfect occasion for Jiyong, maybe he would get some and his friend would have a chance to meet the girls he was silently in love with.  Well, most precisely, to have a complete conversation instead of the formalities you exchanged when you served him at the café.

You were working in a café where the boys came to relax and eat after their practice At the time they came, the café was almost emptied from the patreons.  They were the best friends in the world, bandmates working hard to pursue their dream in the music industry. They had made their debut a while ago and the reactions were enthusiastics. The press had good reviews of their albums and the fan base grew. They were starting big.

“It will be fun,” she said, “believe me, Seunghyun is such a cutie pie, a perfect match for you. Plus, you never went on a double date before so you can’t tell me that you don’t like it”.

“Okay but I’m only doing it for you. You owe me one girl...”

This is when you had met Seunghyun and Jiyong and got to have a real conversation with them. During the date, your friend was drooling in front of Jiyong, drinking each one of his words, a slanted smile across her face. It was cutely pathetic to witness.  

Because you weren’t in a place in your life to have a boyfriend, you made it clear with Seunghyun that it would not be possible. Oh! perfect he was! He had a beautiful face, a sharp sense of humor, a deep voice and a tender smile. He was just magnificent.  It could have worked, under different circumstances. It really could have.

When it was time to split and as much as they didn’t seem to fit together, Jiyong and your friend decided that they wanted to pursue the night together. Seunghyun had dropped you to your place, you exchanged phone numbers before you left his car. You didn’t fall for him the way he wanted but at least, he was a good person and you were willing to get to know him better, as a friend.

Even though the evening turned out to be a flop on the romantic level, something wonderful came of it. Your friendship with Jiyong and somehow with Seunghyun too. Just for that, the double date was more than worth it.

Present day

“Earth to the moon! 1.2, 1.2! There’s distortion on the line” Jiyong mocked.

“Sorry, I was thinking… Do you remember the first time we met?”

"Oooh! You mean the night I had the worst sex ever with that annoying bartender?”

“Damn boy, don’t be so mean. That poor girl did her best! She was probably so stressed to be in front of you. You were already a sex symbol back then!”

“True, I was undeniably sexy already” he said, shaking his butts but realizing what he just did, his cheeks turned pink.

Both of you laughed. You have lost your friendship with her the day Jiyong broke up with her, 2 weeks after the double date. Because you continued to talk to him, she cut you off of her life, telling you that you were not “on her side”. The last time you heard about her, she had divorced from her husband and was dating an old but rich CEO. She didn’t change at all, bitch was a sucker for money and status.

“Still Ji, you got to know me that night! You won in the long run, man!” you said, proudly flipping your hair.

“Aww! You’re so cute” he cooed, “True! What would I do without that adorable friend of mine that crashes my sofa each time they announce a storm” he said piling up the plates that had dried on the kitchen counter.

“Hey, it scares me okay?”

“Oh! I know you are scared but what the fuck am I suppose to do to protect you? I can’t stop the lightning from falling over your head!”

“YAH! You’re supposed to help me calm down! Not to scare the shit out of me!”

“Girl, you are so much cuter when you don’t have that badmouth!”

“I don’t want to be cute Ji! I just don’t want to die tonight! Did you see the sky? It’s gonna be hell of a storm, I’m telling you” you pointed to the window to mark your point.

“I hope we’ll survive!” he teased. He came closer to you and kissed your temple while one of his hands rested on your shoulder in a protective way. “At least you bought sushi! If we die tonight, it will be with a filled tummy. I have a new wine that will be perfect with it, too”.

“Ji, I don’t like it at all. I’m really scared. Don’t mock me”.

“I know, love! I’m just teasing you”.

Fun fact, you were not that scared of the storm anymore. Well, you were still scared but not petrified like you used to be. But because you had that habit of crashing his sofa and getting those nights in each time there was an appearance of a storm, you neglected to specify it to your friend.

“Anyway, I hope I didn’t ruin your plans. You can go, if you have a date you didn’t tell me about or something”.

“Nah, I have nothing to do that cannot be done from here, maybe just a little work.  Plus, I have to protect you from the lightning with my super powers! What would you do without me?” he giggled.

You smiled at him tenderly. Jiyong was such a wonderful person. You were more than happy that you had the chance to call him your friend. He always had your back and you always had his. It was like that, you two against the world.  For some reasons, each time something happens to one of you, the other would automatically feel it and call right away. It was like a premonition, a soulmate thing. It made you both smile and care for the other even more. 

Of course, when one of you was in a relationship things got complicated. Your partners didn’t always understand that need you both have to call each other on a daily basis. “If she/he is so important to you, why don’t you marry her/him”? You both heard that often.

“Awww! You’re my personal superhero! I like that! By the way, before you arrived, I filled your fridge with side dishes and lunch boxes. I cooked for myself, so I brought you some”.

“You’re a bad liar, missy. You cooked for us, not for yourself only. You even bought us matching lunch boxes last month”

“True… I cooked for the both of us! And true, I bought it knowing it was matching, I couldn’t resist! Don’t make a big deal out of it, it was just too cute. Instead of a bff bracelet, we have bff matching lunch boxes” you exclaimed.

“Aaaaaw! Finally, you admit it was made to match! Thanks hun, I love the boxes and I love even more the food that you put in it”.

“My pleasure Mr Kwon! Let’s shower before it rains”

“ Why do you keep saying that?”

“It’s common sense and commun knowledge that you can’t shower or bathe when it rains in case there will be a storm, okay? I’ll go first”.

You ran to the bathroom before he had the time to argue. You knew what he was about to say anyway. He told you many times but you were still really scared of it. When you were a teenager, lightning crashed a utility pole near your house, causing an electrical fire. The strong winds had pushed the flames and your house was set on fire despite the heavy rain. It all happened while you were in the shower. That night, you were babysitting your little brother and you had to evacuate the house in a towel with him in your arms. The bad association of shower and strom had stuck in your head even though there was nothing dangerous for real. You were doing your best and you were fighting against your fear with all the courage that you had, but you still had to work more. 

You turned the water off, got out of the luxurious shower and sighted with ease when your feet landed on the fluffy bath mat. Caressing the soft fabric with your toe, you wonder if you were walking on something that was worth more than the price of your car!

“Jiiiiii! Jiyong!" when he didn’t answer the tenth time you called out his name, you went out of the bathroom. You were wrapped in his bathrobe with your hair raised in a white towel  “Where the hell are you?” you called out.

“YAH! Don’t swear love. It’s not cute” He was adding the dressing on top of a roasted veggies salad he just fixed for you. He didn’t like it but he knew it was your favorite. Therefore, he always kept the ingredients in his fridge to be able to serve you one. That and your favorite chocolate, your favorite champagne and wine, your favorite ice cream and so much more little things that you cherish. 

“I don’t need to be cute because you already are whipped for me. Plus, I’m not your girl, so cute or not, you’re not supposed to care!”

“What are you saying? You’re the cutest girl of them all, why can’t you see it? You’re my sweet but bad mouthed girl”. 

At that moment, he lifted his head and noticed how you were dressed. More likely, not dressed, in front of him. You were so cute with your concerned face, frowning with an obvious concern written on your face. He turned his head to look the other way around, covering his eyes with one hand and blushing shyly.

“I’m sorry I took your bathrobe but you were not answering me”.

“I didn’t hear you, what is it that you had to come here naked?”

“I’m not naked, relax for god’s sake! Plus a body is a body, we’re all constructed on the same pattern. So please, just calm down”.

“I can’t relax. You’re naked in front of me”

“Not naked, Sweet baby Jesus. You wanna see what naked really is?” You teased, toying with the knot of the dressing gown. Of course you would never open it and flash your naked body to him like that but he was annoying with his conservative ass and you felt a little bit provocative.

“Yah! Keep it for your man, you naughty!”

“Jesus Christ… I won’t undress, take it easy. Anyway, I’m done with the shower. I just wanted to tell you that it’s your turn. Go, before the storm starts, it’s so dark it will soon. I’ll get dressed in your room, okay?”.

Uncomfortable, he didn’t argue and ran into the shower.

He didn’t like to see you undressed, for some reasons. He was always telling you “love, can you buy longer skirts next time?”, “A bikini, are you kidding me? Why not a normal one piece swimsuit?”, “Please Y/n, don’t walk around the house in just a towel”. Jiyong had a vision of nudity that was beyond your comprehension. You never saw each other naked, that goes without saying. And of course, you never complied to his demands, telling him that you were not more or less dressed than other women of your age, which was true. You were not wearing revealing clothes anyway, he was just too old fashion.  Maybe you were pushing it with the towel thing but hey! He was even worse than you, walking in his briefs way more often than you were ‘indecent’ yourself.

When he came out of the shower, you had comfortably draped your neck with a long scarf. You were wearing a Bigbang crop top with the inscription 'V.I.P for life" and short shorts that you wore to sleep only. A long cream cardigan buttoned up to your chin covered it all. You knew you wouldn’t need more clothes to stay warm, you had a big blanket resting on the armrest of his couch. 

You finished assembling the plates with the sushi, served yourself an extra big portion of his salad and put it all on the coffee table in the living room. The wine and the bottle opener were waiting on the table with some nachos, salsa and candies for later. It was usually sitting on the floor with your back leaning against the sofa as you started the evening. Normally you weren't able to finish a movie because one or the other often fell asleep before the end. More likely, it was him that fell asleep. Then, you would always gently slide his head on a small cushion over your thighs and stroke his hair. At the end of the film, you never had the courage to wake him up, you knew that his sleep was precious and that he often suffered from insomnia. You let him in the same position and fell asleep with your head uncomfortably leaned against the couch. In the morning, he had moved and would be in a different position, on the floor. You didn’t know that he never realised the scalp and head massages. Tonight, he will notice though.

Jiyong had the bad idea to put a horror movie at night like this one, when you were already nervous. He didn’t think twice, as soon as the movie you wanted to watch for so long was out, he bought it for you. He was not a bit interested in it but he knew you would be happy.

 “Tadam,” he cutely said when the title appeared on the screen. 

“Oh, thanks Ji, you remembered”.

“Duh! Of course, you kept rambling about it for days” he teased.

“I’m happy, at least I’ll be scared for something else than the storm. It’s perfect”.

The movie had started and really soon, Jiyong knew that he wouldn’t make it through the end.

It was the thunder that awakened him. There was rain, lightning and strong winds outside. Despite the storm roaring, he felt enveloped in a big comforting bubble, cocooned under a blanket like a burrito. Above all, the familiar and comforting smell, your smell, that shielded him with security and pure happiness. He felt as if he was in a dream. He was too comfortable to open his eyes but he knew his head was on your thighs and it was your hands on his neck.

Your hands… on his neck!  

You had slipped your fingers under his nape, cupping it, your thumbs resting gently on his throat. He felt vulnerable but yet, secure at the same time. He felt raw, in the most beautiful and pure way.  He recognised your scent, your warmth, your breathing. What was he doing, lying on you like that? He wasn’t sure but he never felt like home more than right now. A little confused, he opened his eyes and analysed his surroundings.

You were concentrated on what was happening to the screen, softly murmuring advice to the characters in order to, as far as he could tell, not being murdered with a chainsaw.  

“Stupid, stupid, stupid… Girl, at this point it will be natural selection… See, I told you! You deserved it, not gonna lie”

Jiyong smiled at your cuteness. This is when he felt your hands start to move on his neck.Your fingers were making a gentle downward pressure close to the base of the skull, you were stretching his neck muscles and it was orgasmic. He said nothing, did nothing and even stopped thinking. He refrained himself from groaning with pure happiness.

“See what you did there? How could you take such a dumb decision” still talking to the television. He wouldn’t be surprised if you start to throw food at the screen!

In this position, he could see you from a new angle. A “from above’ angle that gave him dirty thoughts. In a split second, that tender moment turned into a hunger. An intense impulse that he felt quite often recently. An unbearable desire combined with an impulse of the heart. It was a strange feeling, he had never felt like that before. 

If he turned his face 90 degrees and went just a few centimeters down, he would be right at the good place to please you with his tongue and lips and fingers… Just the thought of it made blood boil.

“Woah Kwon Jiyong! Stop it!” he thought for himself. “Are you so horny that you will try to hit on your sweet best friend and ruin 5 years of a solid friendship? Damn it boy!” But also, dirty things happened between you, once. Maybe it was possible again… But was it what he wanted, a one shot deal? He was quite not sure about it. 

Before he could stop his hormones from increasing, he felt his blood run directly to his crotch. He was so hard, it was almost as if all the blood contained in his body had decided to meet there. Your fingers continued to massage his neck, stretching the muscles, putting some pressure on different spots. You were completely unaware of his state, naive little creature that you were.

It could have been a perfect blissful moment but his fucking dick had interrupt. He knew it was unfair to stay like that, to let you massage him with the effect it had on the south direction his blood was taken. So, he took one of your hands and kissed your fingers before he sat up.

“Oooh, sleepy head. You’re awake?” you smiled at him with that beautiful smile of yours. You were not wearing any makeup, your hair was messy and your clothes didn’t match but you were just perfect like that. You had the most beautiful face he never saw in his life. How come he didn’t realise it sooner?.

“Hum mmm. You love the movie?” he placed a cushion on his middle to hide his erection.

“It’s good, yes! Are you okay? You’re pale!”

“Not surprising, the blood has left my head!”

“What? You have a headache?”

“Forget it. I’ll fresh up a bit. Be right back” 

He used to good advantage the fact that your attention was again turned towards the screen.  He got up in a hurry, hiding what he had to hide. He went to the bathroom and cleaned his face to cool down. Looking inside his briefs, he sighted! 

“Fuck you Kwon Jiyong! Fuck! Fuck! What’s your problem? She’s your friend, dammit! She is just a sweet and cute girl. What’s happening to me recently? Why have I started to dream of her? Why did I start longing for her? What are those bubbly sensations that I feel when she’s coming home to me?”.

Recently, he had noticed that not only his body reactions were different but that his emotions had changed as well. That he was more and more happy to see you. That he had way more thoughts about you than he used to. To a point that he even refused a date with an interesting woman just to be able to call you on time, just because he had said “I’ll call you before 9”. He said it, he had to comply, right? What did you talk about? Sweet nothings but it was still a wonderful moment. He allowed himself a few moments for the blood gathered in his penis to turn back. He had a crazy hard time getting there. 

Having the sensation that he was not feeling good, that something was not okay, you paused the movie and walked towards the bathroom. 

“Do you need something Jiyong? You are really pale, I’m not joking. It seems like you have seen a ghost” you said as soon as he opened the door.

He was mad, but not at you. He was mad at himself for the reaction his body had. Confused too. He also knew that he couldn’t tell you what just happened because you would tease him for days. Or worse, you would exclaim a loud and clear disgusted “EEEW” to tease him. That he couldn’t support.

“Listen, I’m going to sleep early tonight. You can continue the movie, don’t wait for me”.

Without an explanation he left for his bedroom and closed the door. It was rude but it was a necessity.

You came back to the living room and sat on the couch. Your thighs were still mild with Jiyong’s warmth. 

You couldn’t concentrate on the movie. What’s got into him? You stood up and walked towards his room, concerned. You just hope that he didn’t discover your ‘secret’.

3 years ago, on Christmas eve

After you finished hanging the garlands, you stepped back and enjoyed your hard work, satisfied.  Yesterday, Jiyong announced that the band would not be able to fly to Korea for Christmas. Something happened with their schedule and unexpectedly they had to stay in Hong Kong a little longer before they would resume their world tour. 

You didn’t want Jiyong and the boys to stay in their room and alone for Christmas. You had called Daesung’s girl of moment and Seunghyn’s sister and shared your plan with them. Youngbae’s girl had already joined him a couple of days ago. You would make a little reception for your boys. After all, no one should be alone on Christmas Eve. With the girls, you prepared it all.

“Can you taste the punch? I’m scared that I didn’t put enough rhum” 

“I did taste it and it was perfect” you answered. “Seunghyun will add wine in his glass anyway, wait for it” 

She laughed, it was exactly like his brother to do that. 

“Oh, they’re coming. I’m so nervous” you told her.

In the plane for HongKong, you had decided to open up to Ji about your new feelings for him. Lately you had come to the conclusion that you were in love with him. What you thought was just a mere flirt at the beginning, soon turned out to be much more. It was love, with capital A. You had taken your time to analyse your feelings but it was kind of obvious.  You were just not accepting the fact before, even though you were facing all the proof. 

What is the first thing that comes to your mind in the morning? Jiyong.

Who do you want to hug when you feel the need to snuggle against someone? Ji.

Who’s hand do you want to hold, when you walk on the street or discover a new city? Yep! Jiyong again.

Who do you want to make love to, when you feel that need between your legs?

Who makes your heart skip a beat because of his cuteness?

Who makes you a horny mess when he smiles?

Who do you think will be the father of your children, when you imagine yourself nursing a baby?

 Ji, Ji and Ji. Always him. He was your soulmate and the guardian of your heart. You couldn’t imagine a moment without him in your life. You wanted more. You wanted to take all of him. You had no choice but to tell him, you were not able to keep it for yourself anyway. He had even questioned you about the recent changes in your attitude. Soon, you won’t be able to hide it anymore, you rather should tell him while you were still having control over yourself. You were really scared of his possible rejection though. It was petrifying. But the possibility that maybe he shared the love was stronger and it made you so happy to imagine what you could become together. How your friendship would transform into love. Into love making. Into a deeper relationship.

It was decided. You will confess tonight, in the hotel room after the party.  You’ll deal with the consequences later.

You were waiting for the boys in the suite that you had reserved. It was a simple room that the hotel rented for meetings or private events like tonight. Because it was Christmas, it was available and you didn’t have any trouble making a last minute reservation.

The door of the suite opened on Jiyong’s manager. He was aware of the little reception, you needed someone to drag the boys in. They entered the room one by one. You didn’t notice the happiness on their face when they discovered the 3 ladies waiting for them with food, alcohol and gifts, you were looking for Jiyong only. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. Seunghun came and closed the door for more privacy, already having a glass of punch in hands.

“Wait, Ji has not arrived yet”.

His features went grave but his voice remained soft and calm. He seemed sad. He seemed to be pitying you too, his concerned eyes looking at you the same way you imagine he will be looking at his child when he’ll say “Santa Claus doesn’t exist for real”.

“He won’t be coming. He had other plans for tonight, something that popped up. I’m really sorry”

“Is he okay? Where is he?”

“This morning, he met a woman in the restaurant of the hotel. A cute damsel in distress. Well, one thing after another, it turned out that he invited her to the concert. And well… they left together, if you know what I mean”.

Your heart started to beat really fast. You didn’t like the turn of the conversation. Seunghyun’s sister covered her mouth with a hand, shocked, as she realized what her brother was telling you. It seemed that they knew about your feelings for Ji. Were you that obvious?

“Oooh… Maybe she can come here too” you said but it was absolutely not what you wanted.

“I guess they’re having sweet fucking sex” Dae laughed as he looked as his girlfriend, implying that it’s what he will have too, later!

“Woah… okay… okay”

You sat on the couch next to you and held your head. There is no way in hell that you will let your pain show in front of Jiyong’s friends.  But there was also no way you could stop the tears from falling down your cheeks. Without a word, you left the suite for the room that you rented, in case Ji would reject you. 

You were still crying, the next day when he had knocked on your door and entered your room, all excited and agitated like a puppy. More likely, like a man who hit the jackpot recently. He seemed so happy about the night he had spent, butterflies dancing in his stomach as he was telling you how cute she was. How he had spent the night of his life. How he couldn’t wait to see her again. He was so excited and centered towards his own happiness that he didn’t notice your red and bloody eyes.  

“Ji, don’t stay with me then. Go meet her right now! I guess she feels the same way and you’ll take it where you left it!”

“But you travelled all the way here and prepared such a sweet party for me and the boys! I saw the pictures, it seemed so much fun”. 

“Yah! I’d rather stay with your friends and mine, by the way, than staying a minute longer with you while you imagine yourself having sex with another woman”

“Another? It’s not like I had that many women either”

It was not the sense of your word ‘another’ but you didn’t precise it. The word had slipped your lips anyway.

“True, I’m sorry. Go, Ji! Live up for your dreams! Wout! Wout!”  you encourage him, fist up in the air with the biggest smile that you could to hide your sadness. Your eyes were your pain untold and you wish you would tell him everything.

“Sure, hun?”

“Yes, sure thing. We’re taking the plane tomorrow. If I don’t see you by then, here’s my new year kiss” you said, planting a smack on his cheek. You needed to kiss him and hold him, just for a second. To steal him from her and keep him for yourself only, a short instant.  

“Merry Christmas Ji. I love you so much” you whispered. Of course, he didn’t catch the extra meaning you had implied “And may the new year bring you only happy moments, you deserve it”.

“Aaaw, Merry Christmas my sweet girl. May the year bring you a man that will make you happy, for once. You were unlucky lately”.

You laughed ironically.

“Nah, I’ll be okay on my own for a while. Go now”. How could he have unnoticed that you were in pure agony? That your heart had been pierced with a thousand arrows? He was always so attentive normally. That was a good thing though, you prefer him to be happy with her than unhappy with you.

“Thanks, you’re the best friend ever, so understanding. I’ll tell you everything in detail later”.

“... Have fun”

He left in a hurry without a single look back and it broke what remained strong inside of you. You crumbled on the ground, unable to support your own body weight any longer. You never thought you could be rejected by him without having a single chance to say a word. You never thought you would be broken like that. You will need a lot of courage to be able to face him again. But also, it would be worse if he disappeared from your life. There was no perfect situation here, either way you were losing a part of yourself.

“That man is so fucking stupid” you heard Seunghyun tell his sister by the door Jiyong had left open a moment ago. . “How could he do that? Is he blind?"

You closed the door, you didn’t want to hear more.  You cried all day and night, curled up in the bed. You didn’t see Jiyong afterwards, while you were in Hong Kong. He didn’t come back from his cloud, therefore he didn’t come back to you. 

He had stayed in a relationship with her for a whole year. The exact time it took you to get over him. Or did you really?

Present day

You tiptoed your way to his bed and benched in front of him. His eyes were closed, he seemed to be asleep already. In his sleeping state, he was frowning, this was unusual.

He was not but he didn’t say a word, still mad and shocked. He didn’t know how to deal with it, his sudden desire for you. He couldn’t just say “let’s fuck” and then pretend like nothing happened afterward, your friendship was on the line. The only time that something happened between you, something sexual, there was a context. And you didn’t ‘really’ do something together anyway. How can’t he forget about it? How can’t he put it aside and move on? Why was he trying to relive this with his partners afterward? But of course, it was impossible, they were just not you. He realised it now! If it was not that good with them, it’s because they were simply not the good person. They were not you.

“Ji, are you okay?” he heard you ask with worry.

No answer. 

You placed a hand on his forehead to see if he had a fever. Satisfied by his body temperature, you retracted your hand with much concern. You knew him way too much to buy his sleeping state.

“Ji, I’m scared, you didn’t seem well tonight, you were really pale. I will sleep by your side to check on you, do you mind? Like we did before, when we checked on my niece. Okay? I can’t guarantee that I’ll be as good as you were though.”

No answer. 

He clearly didn’t want to talk to you. Or was he sick and had passed away? 

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I’ll squat the couch or the bed in the guest room. But the couch is more comfy. Would you prefer if I leave your house? The temperature is still bad outside but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me”

“Y/n, can you jump on the bed and shut the hell up so I can go back to sleep”? his tone was harsh.

Shocked, not sure how to take it, you did as he said and waited there, looking at the ceiling. You were cold but didn’t want to move or even less, to slide yourself under the comforter where he seemed so comfortable and warm. He was facing the other side and you could almost hear him thinking. The cat came in the bed and sat on his master’s pillow. Jiyong sighted, chased A-Ye and turned on his back. He didn’t say a word, didn’t look at you, didn’t move a single muscle afterwards.

It’s his sweet giggle that woke you up in the middle of the night. You had fallen asleep but obviously, he didn’t. From the lamp sitting on the bedside table emanated a warm and felted light. Jiyong was eating ramyeons while watching something on his cell. Confused, you sat up and rubbed your eyes.

“You seem better, it’s a relief”.

 “I just realised something. Remember the other day when I joked about your google research?”

“YAH! How many times do I have to tell you, I did NOT search for blowjobs instructions”.

“I know now!” he laughed.

What happened was that, about 2 months ago, you made a google research on your laptop while you were waiting for him at his studio. You had written “How to give a good head massage” but the research bubble showed everything but the important last word. The word that changed the meaning of the whole sentence.

He didn’t want to believe you even when you showed him the page with explicit pictures of the head massage popping from the screen. He thought that you had just opened it fast, to save the appearances. He had teased you for days with that, mocking you gently. 

“I told you that I wanted to use a new technique when I massage your head. You didn’t believe me”.

“Because I didn’t know you were massaging my head. Now, I get it”.

“Why didn’t you believe me?”.

“Why didn’t you massage my head when I’m awake?”

“I don’t know”

“I don’t know either”

Your eyes met and you both laughed out loud. You were happy to have your friend back, at least momentary. You still didn’t know what happened earlier.

“Will you stop mocking me with the blowjob thing, now?”.

“Yes, I already stopped when I noticed that you were mad for real… Sorry hun, I mocked you. I should have known better”.

“Excuses accepted. Now, let’s forget about it… please”.

He didn’t talk for a minute, you were both lost in your thoughts. You grabbed the chopsticks he was holding and swallowed a large portion of ramyeon, hungry.

“Ji”

“Hum?”

“Why were you mad at me tonight?”

“I was not mad at you at all, I was mad at myself”.

“Why though?”

“I’d rather not talk about it”.

“Okay then, but I’m here if you want to”.

“I know... Now go back to sleep and stop eating my ramyeons”.

“Nah, feed me more. I’m starving. AAAAAH” You opened your mouth for him to feed you one bite. He did and gave you his bowl and chopsticks without further discussion. He had decided to let you eat it all anyway. 

“Here, take it” 

“Mmmm, it’s delicious. Thanks Ji” 

He looked at you closing your eyes to savor the noodles, not a single bit conscious that it would break him. He was so naive. When he heard the little moan that escaped your lips after you took a bite, he remembered everything you had said when you were talking about the ‘not blowjob’ research.

“You know, I talk with my partners, it’s their ‘instructions’ that I follow, not general tips made for a general audience on the internet. I adjust with their reactions too. Nobody loves it the exact same way”.

“Ji, for god’s sake! I told you that yes, I searched for that a long time ago, when I was young. From that, I improved my technique and I didn’t feel the need to search again. I wouldn’t be shy to tell you if I would REALLY have searched for it”.

and later that night...

“Please don’t believe that I’m a pro either, I’m not that good! It’s just that I really didn’t search. You know what, now that I think about it, I should search for it. We never know, maybe I could still improve” with a blink. 

Eating your ramyeons with appetite, you were unaware of the thoughts spinning in his head. You didn’t know that your relation was about to take a complete new turn. That the image he had in his mind right was nothing but pure. You were also really naive.

2 years ago or the ocean event

Jiyong had decided to bring you to Hawaii like this, on the spur of the moment and for no actual good reason. Dae and his current conquest joined your improvised journey and the four of you had flight to the paradisiac island for a whole week of pure bliss. 

You closed the door of your room and went down to meet Ji. He texted you that he was already down there, ready for the beach like you had planned before you split last night after you took a walk in the streets with the natives. 

“Hun, were you able to sleep last night?'' he asked, rubbing his beautiful sleepy eyes when you met in the lobby. You walked outside and sat on a bench near the entrance to apply the sunscreen he handed you. Of course, he knew that you would have forgotten yours.

“Nope, there were people banging in the wall and screaming like if they were in distress or something. Did you hear that? Why did she have to yell like that? I would have shove my dick in her mouth if I was her partner, at least she would have shut the fuck up. It was so fake!”

“Woah! You’re violent! Good thing that you don’t have a dick.  Don’t judge, you were not there. It’s just her way of expressing her pleasure, chill hun! No one is hurt”.

“Her pleasure? For 4 hours straight like that, no change in the pace! Come on Ji, you know better! She yelled all night long, how could that even be possible? No rupture in the tempo… No break, no slowing down, no changes in the play, nothing. It was fake, I’m telling you.  Maybe they were filming porn…”

He laughed, you continued.

“In a way or another, she was annoying. But the bitch got fucked and not me. I guess that’s the reason why I’m so pissed” you added. Seeing his eyes widened, you smiled.

“What? I have needs too”

“I don’t want to know” he giggled, placing his hands over his ears. At this moment, Daesung arrived and sat between you and Ji. Looking at one after the other, seemingly in shock.

“Did you hear it?”

“We did” you answered, ready to complain with him.

“It was sooo hot, right? Woah! It gave me and Shirl a lot of audio stimulations. It was nice, we kind of followed their rhythm.” he seemed shocked but pleased at the same time. Without another word, he stood up and left abruptly. You watched him leave in silence.

“Ji, I hate all the couples in the world. All of them”.

“Someone is not in a good mood today. When is the last time you got laid, I can’t pinpoint it”

“Because I never tell you when I do, we don’t talk about stuff like that… but it was a long time. Maybe last year or something”

You were in a relationship with a beautiful man when you had realised that you were in love with Jiyong last year. You were still trying to forget Jiyong, compelling yourself to stop loving him. It was impossible.

“Damn… it’s been a long time. So, your last boyfriend then”.

“Yep… I won’t ask you since you were in a relationship till recently”

“True, she was the last one. 2 months is long... Wait, where are you going???”

“I’m going to calm my hormones in the ocean. I’m suddenly horny and need a distraction. Hopefully the water will be cold enough”

“I’ll go with you, I need it too”

You entered the water running and laughing like kids. You felt light, like there was nothing going wrong in your life or in the entire world. You felt detached from reality but in a good way. The flowing of the tide was languorous, the ocean was forging its own sea-song.  The freshness of the water was invigorating. For at least an hour, you and Jiyong had bickered and played around, alone in your own little universe. You threw water at each other’s face, tried to immerse the other into the water, tried to surf on a cheap plastic plank that was abandoned on the shore, falling on each attempt and laughing like you didn’t have the chance to, lately. The only time you were out of the water was to take a sip of your drink that Daesung was keeping safe for you while sunbathing with Shirlee. It wasn’t quite a good idea to drink that much alcohol when horny … not a good idea at all. 

“Y/n… It didn’t work!” Jiyong said sheepishly.

“I mean it’s water,  it’s slippery… How could it worked” you answered, knowing exactly what he meant. 

“Water turns you on?”

“Damn… not the water itself. But a wet body against another wet body… I mean… Oh, shit! I didn’t mean that you turned me on, it’s not like that. It just reminded me of, you know… things I did in the past” 

It was a big fat lie. You never had sex in the water. But you won’t tell him that his hot and wet skin against yours made you even more needy than you were before. That the water dripping from his bang was sexy. That his muscular arms, shoulders and those damn abs were giving you bad thoughts. You couldn’t tell him anything like that.

“What are we gonna do about it?”

“I won’t do anything, what do you mean?”

“Well… maybe if we turn our back on each other, we can, you know… relieve ourselves. Together, doing our own little things but not... ”

“I got it Ji, no need to say more…”

Was it alcohol? The burning sun? His cute and so sexy smirk? For a moment, you played with the idea. Jiyong had reserved the most private resort he could find in the country and the beach was almost empty. You could see some people away but no one close enough to see anything that you were doing on the beach even less in the water. Some staff members were walking around, doing their own little things. No one cared about what you were doing. Beside, the water was deep blue and it was impossible to see through it.  You could easily jerk yourself off under the depth water and no one would notice.

“But if we turn around, Daesung will get suspicious, he will think we fight and start asking questions. He’s watching over us, you know”.

“Yes… But I can’t get out of the water hun, my cock refused to calm down”.

“You have a big problem, man. I’m so sorry for you” you mocked.

“You’re not helping at all” he was almost annoyed. You understood how he felt, after all, you were horny too. You were both adults, there must be a solution. After all, he proposed something interesting.

“Ji, you know, your hands are in the water right now and I see nothing. Go a little deeper, we won’t notice your arms and shoulders. Turn the other way around, that way you won’t see me while you… you know. I won’t see anything for sure. Don’t worry. Do what you have to do, I won’t look”

“Are you serious? What about you?”

“I’ll be just fine, no worry. I can wait for when I’m in my room”.

“Sure? Ok, you’re amazing!” he smiled widely.

You didn’t know it but as soon as he turned around, he was not so into it anymore. Maybe it was the thought of doing it with someone that was so exciting. A cute and stunning lady… so sexy in her bikini.

You had turned around to let him do his thing but horny you were too. Not to mention, Jiyong, the man you loved in silence for a complete year was about to stroke himself right now, you won’t miss it so you swan towards him. He was in a deep zone, but still able to touch the ground unlike you. You arrived from behind and hugged him tightly, your arms snaked around his neck, your knees keeping balance on each side of his hips, carefully not circling him.

“Is it good?” you murmured.

“What are you doing?”

“Joining the party” You didn’t know, but there was no party so far. His penis had even softened back to its almost normal size.

“Ooooh….”

Where Jiyong was standing you couldn’t reach the bottom, the water level reached your mouth, you tried and you choke on the salted water. You had to keep a hand on him.

“Hun, stay where you are, let’s do it together, but not together. Is it okay with you?”

“Oh Jiiii… I’ve already started” you purred.

“But you’re holding me…”

“Yes, I’m holding you. I won’t drown for an orgasm”.

“Fair enough… I shall get going too, then”

He was clearly not as cocky as he was 2 minutes ago. You figured that you surprised him with your initiative.

“If you prefer, I’ll leave you alone, no worry”.

“You know, I have a voyeur side inside of me, I love this idea too much to let you go”

“Good, cause I’m a tiny bit of an exhibisionnist… well, a big bit finally” you cutely added, knowing it was not an actual word.

He smiled and looked at you above his shoulder, shocked but excited to discover that spicy side of yours.

“Perfect match then” he stated.

“Turn your face around, put your hand on your dick and stroke yourself… let me do my thing…” you palmed his neck and guided his face the other way around so he would be looking at the ocean instead at you, holding onto his back like a baby koala.

“Lord, help me cause I’m a sinner”

He attentively tried to catch a hint on what was happening on his back. You were holding onto his shoulder with one hand and he didn’t see anything, didn’t feel anything. You were cautious not to make any wave. He wanted more visuals, not that he needed it. Just to add some zest to the experience.

“Are you doing it?” The tone of his voice, his signature soft voice, was the most comforting and exciting thing at the same time. He had the cutest and the sexiest tone ever.

“Ji, shut the fuck up”, you said a little short of breathe. So, you had started, he thought.

“Come on, give me something, love. Are you really masturbating?”

You stopped and this is when he noticed the difference of motion in his back, the difference of pressure your knees applied on his hips in order to stay still despite the waves. Suddenly, it was quieter, this is how he knew that indeed, you were doing it subtly.

“You want me to leave you alone?”

He turned around abruptly. Now facing you, the lust in his dark chocolate eyes was sparkling. A sight that you imagined so often, lightning up his beautiful features for your eyes only to see. Not to mention the sunlight gently caressing his skin. His eyes half closed because of the sun. His damped messy hair carelessly falling on his forehead and temples. This vision itself was enough for your heart to melt and your core to liquefy.

“Y/n, I don’t want you to leave. It’s just that I didn’t know if you were doing it for real, I want, I don’t know… I would like...”

“Don’t hold back, tell me exactly what you want, cause I’m horny here and I need to do something about it” you told him as you touched your thigh, a soft caress along your skin, looking straight into his eyes. You didn’t begin but you knew that the moment to come will be pure. Unselfish. Undemanding. Free.

He looked at the movement of your shoulder, he couldn’t see below that level. He wished he had chosen a turquoise and clear sea to be able to see everything that was happening under.

“I’m not sure of what I can ask in this kind of situation”

“Just if you still really want to, think of us as partners in crime.  We’re 2 needy adults that consent to masturbate side by side. We won’t touch each other, just be together while we’re both having fun with ourselves like you just suggested. Let’s say that everything that happens in the ocean, stays here in the ocean. We won’t remember it once we reach the shore and we’ll never talk about it anymore. Deal?”

“You’re wonderful. Deal”

“Now… close your eyes and touch yourself”.

Strangely, you were not uncomfortable with the situation. You knew that no matter what happened, you would be safe and respected. He would never mock you or judge you. You were free to be and act in complete harmony with your desires, without holding anything back. It was the perfect foundation for a meaningful dirty play. In that moment, your chemistry became an ever-bright flame.

He moved his hand down but refused to look anywhere but straight to your eyes. He never saw that luxurious expression on your face, never heard that carnal voice, almost too low to be heard. He needed to hear you moan. Were you the type to hold back because too shy to be heard? He doubts that, now. He wonders if you were more of a high-pitched sounds or a guttural moaner. Suddenly, it was the most important question to be answered.

“What are you doing?” This is when the now ‘face to face’ thing became more interactive. His piercing gaze was on you, it’s you that he was looking at, no one else. 

You smirked. He wanted to play that game, well you were hell of a player!

“You wanna know how I touch myself?” your voice was a low murmur, it sent shivers down his spine.

“Yes, tell me…” he gulped, unable to guess what was ‘really’ happening under the blue sea. How do you like to be caressed? What makes you cum?

“Right now, I’m taking it really slow and superficial…”

You paused to breathe. For obvious reasons, the oxygen demand in your cells has increased with all the symptoms that comes with it: fast heartbeat, short breath, your senses on red alert. 

 “I’m too excited, the second I touch my clit or slide a finger in, I will cum. I love that you’re asking me. It’s fucking hot” you miraculously were able to say.

“Your answer is hotter, believe me. You look really beautiful like that… So sexy…  tell me in detail everything that you’re doing”.

“I’m pinching my clit, I need to calm down... now squeezing it between my palms, it’s good” you moan softly. After a moment you shivered and it seemed that you stopped touching yourself, taking your hand out of the water to show him. 

“You were about to cum?” he smirked

“Fuck yes”.

“You love to touch yourself with me? You love that I look at you pleasuring yourself?”

You nodded, nothing else needed to be said. He grabbed your free hand, your right one, and nibbled every single fingertips, sucking gently. 

“It doesn’t taste anything but salt, damn it!”

His longing eyes never left yours. Just that, him desiring you, dirty talking to you, was sending you over the moon. He gently guided your hand in front of your core and his came back where it was: on your hip.

 “Jiii… now, I’m scratching it all with my nails, it hurts and it’s fun at the same time… ”

“YOU WHAT? Woah! You love when it’s painful?” he exclaimed, shocked. You were not exactly how he imagined you would be, sexually speaking. To be honest, he thought you were a sweet vanilla girl, one that prefers convenient sex more. That frosted side that he was discovering, pleased him a lot. 

“I love it when it hurts a little bit… I love when it burns… I love when it’s sucked hard. What are you doing?” you breathe slowly between each affirmation.

“Looking at you only, at the moment… I think I will cum in my pants just like that! Hands free orgasm! I bet your clit is swollen right now...”

“Let me see… oooh yes... It’s really sensitive. I’m tracing small lines up and down, it feels good. I won’t last long… I let my nail trails his way up… omph”

Your clit was indeed overflowing with blood. Knowing that Jiyong was watching made you more sensitive than you ever was before. Now that it has started, there was no way out of the game. You couldn't move away from his gaze even if you tried, like he’s eyes have short circuited your mind in the best possible way.

“So beautiful... Do you imagine your fingers to be someone else?”

“Nah! I’m right here with you, it’s already really arousing”

Of course, you won’t tell him that it’s his fingers that you imagine as you rubbed smooth circles across your clit. 

“Ji… It’s good… Now, I slide 3 fingers in… it’s so good… Jiii… I’m gonna cum… Oh lord… I knew I wouldn’t last” 

“I can see it… I feel your hips love… I bet you’re thrusting to meet your fingers, right? … you’re so hot”

You closed your eyes as you locked your hips against your hand, hitting your spot right away. With Jiyong’s obvious enjoyment, the ultimate pleasure hit you. You quivered erratically and in the process you pressed yourself against him.  His wet and slippery chest against yours was enough material for your next 5000 lonely nights. When your mouth founded his shoulder, you sank your teeth onto the trapeze muscle and took a big bite of him. You needed it to suppress your moans. He continued to encourage you, despite the pain.

“Don’t stop now, I’m sure you can surf on it a little longer… that’s it love… Softs movements this time, give yourself some tenderness, my wild flower… softer with your teeth too, please” he asked, cutely and you released some pressure on your teeth but kept your mouth there. “That’s it, moan for me… you make the hottest sounds I’ve ever heard”.

He was right, the orgasm lasted for a little while. Jiyong was holding you firmly against him, his head tilted against yours as he whispered sweet dirty words.You stopped the motion of your hand and stayed like that, holding onto him tightly. Pressing your whole self against his perfectly sculpted body. His soft skin. His melodic speaking voice. You needed time to calm your breath and heartbeat.  It was a one shot deal, you decided that you will take the best out of it for the time it lasts. Therefore, you snaked your arms around his neck, cautious not to touch his middle where his length was probably throbbing. The thought of it made you almost cum again, it certainly didn’t calm the fire that was still burning. Exhausted and feeling really brave, you’ll deal with the consequences later, your nose found the crook of his neck and you nuzzled against his watered and sun warmed skin, drops falling down on both of you from his damped and sexy hair. This intimate and loving contact was risky for your heart but his neck was so prettily offered, you couldn’t resist. It was hard not to nibble onto him. To kiss him. To taste him. To tell him that you love him.

You breathed slowly in his warmth for a moment, your body still trembling softly from the powerful orgasm you just had but mostly because of the proximity with him. The sensation of his strong arm holding your laps against his side while the other rested on the curve of your back, it was overwhelming.

“Your turn, now!” he needed his relief too, you hoped that you will be as hot for him as he was for you.

“Yes love, but can I do something first? You don’t have to say yes. I would like...”

“Don’t ask my permission, it’s our moment and I doubt that you want to do something that will harm me. Just do it”

He smirked, a fucking smirk that would have put you on your knees. A smirk that was never directed to you before. His hungry eyes were half closed but his gaze remained sharp. He was perfect. You felt his hands slide under your arms and played with the bikini top on your back.

“I want to feel you against me, may I?”

“Help yourself” you smiled, letting him play with the fabric of your top. It was so tiny, his fingers were gracing your skin and just that little contact was electrifying.

“What’s going on Ji? Is there a problem?” You teased as you joined your hands on the back of his neck, forearms on his shoulders. 

“Hun, where is the tie?” 

It was your turn to smirk. He frowned, scrutinizing your face. You were preparing something, it was obvious. 

“Remember my bikini? The knot under my boobs is what you’re looking for”.

“Oh my god! Like a bow on a gift! Isn’t easy to pull on a string and strip your boobs naked”

“Han, han!” you purred, with a tone that implied that you didn’t mind the strip tease. You teasingly stroked his calf with your foot. “So, what are you gonna do about it? If you want to feel my chest against yours, you know what you have to do”, you said, defying him.

“Are you challenging me?” he asked as his hands found your neck. His thumb traced a line down your throat and went lower to the swell of your breast. A soft and light caress, almost too soft to be felt. He wanted to tease you too, you were way too cocky and he needed to show you how he too, could be in control.

“Who’s challenging who now? You’d like me to pinch those nipples, right? To rub them between my fingers”

He said as he brought both hands in front of your boobs as if he wanted to grab them. But he never touched you. He stayed close enough for you to feel his warmth, feel a little contact here and there throughout the thin fabric, but never touching you for real.

“I’m sure you have a sensitive breast and that you are screaming from the inside right now. You would like to be touched so badly. Am I right?”

“...” excited at the idea, you could do nothing but grasp.

“Answer me, love”

“Yes, I would love your hands on my breast” you gulped.

“Well, too bad, you set the no touching rule” he winked “But I’ll free them and you’ll soon feel me, don’t worry”. It was ‘his turn’ and yet, you felt the center of the attention. The tables had to turn. 

His fingers slid down your breastbone, caressing your skin. There, he was touching you for real and it put you on fire again. He knew what he was doing, he noticed your shivers. When he found the bow, tied just under the swelling of your breasts, he had fun with the fabric before tearing the cords apart. Very slowly he pushed your bikini top to the side, his eyes on yours.

“So sensitive”

“Remember Ji, it’s no touching and no looking.” 

“You’ll be the end of me, you little brat”

He wasted no more time. With one hand, he grabbed you by the hip and dragged you closer. He turned his feet to the side to move his pelvis away from you and surrendered completely to what was to follow.

“Can I guide you?” You asked timidly.

“Yes, I’ve never tried that… Go ahead, be my hand”.

It was true. He had met willing women before but never playful the way you were. You were a mixture of sexy, dominant, cute and submissive. You loved it rough too, it seemed, even though what you were doing was quite soft. A perfect match for him.

“You’ll do exactly what I tell you to do. Okay?”

“Of course”

“Good… Let’s go… are you touching yourself right now?”

He showed you his free hand, the one not holding you.

“Let’s switch hands. I want you to hold your dick with your left…”

“YAH! Why my left? It’s not the good hand” he interrupted

“Oh, I know that” you winked “Go, now. Good!”

He sulked in annoyance but was ready to follow your lead nevertheless so he had switched arms. His right one was holding you against him, on that he won’t compromise.

“Very good Ji, let’s run your thumb on the tip slowly. Is it good?”

“Don’t apply much pressure on your shaft, keep your hand loose around it. We’re taking it slow!”

“I feel so vulnerable and so powerful at the same time, it’s ecstatic… I want more, give me more”

“ Shhhhh, one thing at the time. Don’t go too hard on it ok, gentle touch. Grab the skin between your penis and balls. Squeeze gently. Use your fingertips, it’s good, I see you love it. Palm it gently while your fingers tickle your balls… good… your face is telling me that we are doing a good job” he had closed his eyes shut. His breathing increased already.

“I need more”

“You’ll have more, shut it. Don’t hold your moans back though, ok? I want to hear your pleasure. Not too loud… that’s it, in my ear”.

“Baby can I stroke myself?”

“No, you can’t! Let go of me, I’ll stay in place no worry, look I’m rubbing myself against you… Good… Put your penis between your palms and roll your hands in opposite directions. If you like when it hurts, put more pressure, roll… roll… roll…” 

His face twisted in pleasure, moans slipping from his lips.

“Never done that to my dick, it feels good. Is this how you give a handjob?”

“I might do it, yes”

“mmmm, it feels so good baby… aaah”

You let him proceed and before you noticed a sign of impatience, you continued.

“Now, if you’ve never touched yourself like that, or never been touched like that, it might seem surprising. But obey, it will be good”

Curious, he opened his eyes and looked at you smirking.

“Okay…”

“Take your glands between your thumb and index and squeeze very geltly. Apply this pressure all around the circumference. Don’t brush your fingers together, it will hurt. Just put pressure. Squeeze... Are you there? Keep your fingers smooth but be firm on the grip. Press firmly.”

“It feels so good… aaah”

 “Apply as much pressure as you can take. It has to be a little painful, but just a little Ji, we want it to be fun”.

The only sounds slipping from his lips were soft moans. He seemed to enjoy the touch. Maybe you surprised him. You hope you did.

“Open your eyes Ji. I want you to know that it’s with me that you are jerking off with. Keep those eyes on me”.

“Of course it’s you… you’re the only one here with me”

“I certainly hope so. Now, circle the base of your cock with your thumb and one finger, only one. Don’t put too much pressure. Are you doing it?”

“Yes…”

“Move your hips back-and-forth. Fuck your own hand slowly, gently… Good job! It’s increasing, isn't it?”

“Yes, I could cum like that”

“Then loosen your fingers, loosen it right now!”

“I fucking hate you”  he was frustrated but he obeyed nevertheless.

“I know you do, I know… I’m so mean when you were so good for me” you took your sweetest voice, your innocent voice. One that he didn’t know you had.

“Keep your fingers loose and pump now, real slow. How does it feel?

“Way too good… but it’s not my hand”

“Ooooh, may I ask?”

“Yours” he said, looking straight into your eyes, waiting for your reaction. You blush, shy.

“Does my hand feel good, around your cock?” you were already back to the play.

“It feels better than mine...” he murmured. 

“Amazing, now, put more pressure around your cock and go just a little faster with those hips. Fuck yourself in my hand”

He moaned, sweet sounds falling from his lips. You pressed yourself against him, your hard nipples caressing him as you both breathed in and out slowly.

“You love it, when I guide you?” you whispered in his ear.

“mmm” he moaned

“Use your words”

His eyes started to roll back, aroused. It was beautiful to witness.  He was weak on his legs, holding still with a solid grip on your hip. 

“I love when you guide me”.

“I can see that you do. Let go of your cock and play with your balls a bit. Squeeze them. Feel their weight”

“Jesus Christ… I was about to cum

“Oh, I know” you teased murmured in his ear. “But I’m not ready to let you  just yet. Are you playing with your balls?”

 “Hum, hum...I never loved to play with my own balls before today…”

“Can you use both hands? Yes? okay. Grab your cock with your fist and stroke not so gently while the other hand squeeze your balls… good, you’re doing good… Stroke again slowly but with a strong grip. Ji, slow down, I see you are cheating. Good… Twist your shaft when you come up, slowly, does it feel good?” His grin told you that he really enjoyed it.

“Yes…. ah… Y/n,  you’re evilish”

His sweet sounds, his voice that you always found so soothing, was now turning you on, it lit a fire between your legs. Again.

“Faster baby, faster…. Now stop”

“What? No…I can’t stop” he continued to stroke, you could tell by the movement of his shoulder.

“No?” 

“Y/n… I’m… aaaah… Argh” he could barely stay on his feet while he ejaculated in a violent burst, screaming your name out loud.

“ARE YOU GUYS OKAY”? You heard Daesung asked from the beach.

“DON’T WORRY DAE, HE WALKED ON A SHELL” you answered, your eyes on Ji. 

The sight of him as he reached his orgasm was the definition of beauty and hotness. He was perfect and so was the moment. His head tilted to the side and his mouth twisted open, he was in a blissful agony.

“aaah… aaaah”

“Don’t you dare stop moving your hand, you have more juices, I’m sure of it. Feel me against you, imagine it’s my hand, mouth, core… Whatever you prefer but keep going. I want you to empty that load… Stroke yourself… continue”

One last softer moan, a great final thrill and he was done. You felt his whole body relax against yours and his face fell on your shoulder, panting. He kissed it gently as soon as his lips landed on your skin. He was breathing heavily in your ear, the most endearing melody of them all. Combined with the murmur of the waves, it couldn’t be more perfect.

You were not sure if your heart would survive this. Not sure at all that you will be okay with him, having a girlfriend later, now that you know how he sounds like when he was having sex. How he feels. How he looks. How playful he was. You don’t think that you will be able to breathe, imagining him with another woman. Making love to her… No, you don’t have the right to think like that… You were just a lost case.

You moved away from him and gave him your most reassuring smile. He cannot know what’s got into your mind right now. That suddenly, instead of letting go of him, you would do the exact contrary. You would snuggle yourself against him and stay there forever and ever, in the comfort of his arms. 

“Thank you, it was… I have no words. And we didn’t even touch!”

“I know, right?” 

“Will you be okay with it? At home, I mean”.

“Absolutely” you lied “You?”

“Okay, good then. Good. Me too.” He showed no signs that it could be otherwise.

Both amazed by what just happened, you walk away from each other. Reality was hitting you both and you didn’t seem to want that moment to end. Neither of you. But you had to go back to your reality now.

You wanted to fix your bikini top but he stopped you, grabbing your hand between his, keeping them against his chest.

“Let me do it, hun. With the non touching thing and in the middle of the ocean, the aftercare are limited. At least, let me put it back in place for you”.

You nodded, he continued.

“You’re okay? Are you always that rough with yourself?” he asked as you placed the triangle back in place, this you won’t let him do. You felt no judgement in his tone though, just curiosity.

“I was not rough today, Ji. I even showed you my vanilla side”.

“What we did was soft, I agree. But the way you caress yourself, and me indirectly, it was not the softest touch. I didn’t know you had that in you. It was nice, I loved it”.

“Agreed, it was really nice”.

He tied the knot back in place between your boobs. After one look to approve his doing, he declared that you were all good to get out of the tub.

“Do you regret it?”

“I don’t. You?”

“Nope”

“What happened in the water stays in the water?”

“Absolutely. Let’s forget it ever happened even though it will be rough”.

 You swam towards the shore gently, side by side, as if nothing sexual ever happened. 

“Do I have a mark on my shoulder”.

“Oooh, that? Oopsie” you answered cutely. 

“You think you’re a shark or something? Jesus, it will hurt for days”

“I’m sorry but not sorry at the same time, it’s hard to explain” you teased.

“You little brat”

“Am I?” You shrugged  “But how are you gonna hide it from Dae?”

“I won’t, I’ll say that I’ve been bitten by a fish. Even better! I’ll say that mama shark bite me”

You both laughed and you realised that he had swam behind you. Snaking his arms around your waist, he said 

“Thanks Y/n, seriously. I won’t talk about it, it’s the deal. But it will be really hard to forget”

“Agreed. Thanks to you too, it wouldn’t have been that magical without you”.

Even though you didn’t really touch each other, you felt connected to him in the most beautiful and voluptuous way. A bittersweet feeling invaded you. You didn’t regret what happened but you wish you could have more of him. All of him. His love, for example. 

Before you parted, the aching to be in his arms began anew.

Present day

When you opened your eyes later that morning, you were laid under his comforter. For some reason, at the end of the night you were agitated in your sleep and couldn’t rest comfortably.  It gave you a weird feeling of anxiety. Was it because you were in Jiyong’s bed? In 5 years of friendship, the only time that you found yourself here was when your niece got sick. More likely, pretended to be dying from a runny nose just to be taken care of by the man of her dreams, the one and only Jiyong oppa, as she called him so cutely. Jiyong was so endearing to watch as he rubbed camphre on her back with caring hands. He was taking care of the sick little princess as if she was really dying. It was touching and cute and adorable. It’s probably then that you realised that he was the man you loved. Damn, it was already 3 years ago, how can time fly that fast?

“What makes you smile like that” his voice was sleepy and soft. So soothing and familiar that you calmed down a bit. At least, felt less out of place.

“I just remembered when the little princess slept here, between us. She used all sorts of tricks to get you to take care of her. Damn, I should learn from her, she can get what she wants just clicking her little chubby fingers. She mastered the art” you joked.

“Aaaw! She was so sweet. It was fun to take care of her with you. I felt like I was a king”

You burst out laughing. 

 “Duh! I couldn’t take care of her, she only wanted you. Jiyong oppa here, Jiyong oppa there”.

You turned to face him, holding your head in your hand. It seemed that he was awake for a little while, he had filled an entire notebook with lyrics, drawings and song ideas.

“You couldn’t sleep”? you asked, reaching out to pull back a strand of hair that was falling before his eyes. 

“Nope, you snore too much,” he joked as he felt one finger grazing his skin. How could such a simple contact could feel so good? Because it was you, probably.

You knew he was teasing you. For some reasons, you felt the need to get closer to him. To cuddle up with him. To show him that whatever happened last night, you were there, by his side. But not knowing how he would react, you restrained yourself from doing it.

“Jiyong, can you believe that in 5 years, it’s the second time that I sleep in your bed? It’s so comfy, we should be doing it more often”

“You… you want to sleep in my bed?”

“Relax loverboy, I said it like that. I just realised that whenever I sleep here, it’s always on the couch… I didn’t mean anything. Anyway. I’ll get going, I have to work in the afternoon”. 

“Already? Normally you stay a little longer. Can you stay a little longer?”

“What’s gotten into you? Last night you didn’t talk to me. This morning I want to let you have your space and you want me to stay. I’m not following, Ji”.

“Well, I really want you to stay. I need to clear up my mind. I need to…” he stopped when your body crashed against his. His hands came to rest on your back, his nose on the top of your head. You felt so good against him with your scent invading him, it was endearing. He knew your intention was to comfort him. He knew you were just worried, thinking that something bad was going on. Maybe that was it, after all. Maybe it will soon be the end of your friendship because of his stupid ass. 

“I’ll stay like that for 5 minutes, then I’ll leave. I really need to get going, I have some shopping to do before my shift. If you want to talk, I’m here. Otherwise, I’ll just listen to your heartbeat and relax before the day starts. You’re so comfy, Ji.” 

You snuggled closer against him. His delicate smell was so familiar and appealing at the same time. You didn’t know where to place your hands, though. Hugging was not a habit of yours. Even less hugging in bed like that. In what situation did he put himself, he wondered. 

“I might have a question… Do you remember what happened in Jeju Island last year? Do you remember the kiss that we shared?”

You froze. You didn’t see it coming at all. Why asking you this after all this time? You coughed, sign that you were uncomfortable. Clearly, you knew what he was talking about. And your little cough won’t be unnoticed or misinterpreted by his sharp ass. He continued.

“Do you think about it, sometimes?”

“No, why would I?” you giggled, nervously. There was nothing funny with his question. “Sorry Ji, I didn’t mean to laugh, it’s not funny. You caught me by surprise”

“I do, think about it… From time to time, I do. Lately, I think about it even more often”

You moved away from him and laid on your back. You shouldn’t have come in his bed last night. You had crossed a line and it could be misinterpreted by him. What have you done?

“Why, though?" 

“Do I need a reason to remember good memories? You know, it was not a simple peck, it was so passionate and emotional. I’ve never been kissed like that before or after. Of course, I will think about it”.

“Well, yes, I do think about it too, indeed”.

Your eyes met his. He seemed sad, desperate and shocked. Something was happening in his life and he needed to remember comforting moments, you thought. Maybe he felt that raw and pure love that you had for him, when you kissed. 

“You loved it?”

“What’s that question? Ji, you’re making me feel uncomfortable. You were there, do I really have to tell you how I felt? Didn’t you feel me? See me? I have nothing to add.”

“Don’t be mad at me, please. I was just… I don’t know. But please, I beg you, don’t be mad at me today”.

“I’m not mad, I just don’t want to think about it, it won’t do any good. Listen, I have to go. I forgot that I have to give a lift to a coworker”.

“You’re running away from me” he said, grabbing your side to keep you from standing up.

“Yes. I am, I admit”.

“Please don’t leave me like that”

“Ji, I will be back, I’m not cutting ties with you. I just need to work. And when we meet again, I don’t want you to remember that kiss… or talk about it”.

“Then, what about the other thing we did, in the ocean?”

“Ji, stop. I don’t want to remember any of it….”

“Why? Do you regret what we did?” he wondered.

You tried to escape the bed but he dragged you closer to him instead. He captured you in his arms and kept you there. You still felt safe and you knew that he would let go of you the second you ask for it. Despite, you didn’t move back. 

“I promise I won’t talk about any of it… But, please. Can I please hug you a little longer. I need to… I just need it”.

He was so emotionally raw that you couldn’t refuse. After all, you will never be able to escape Jiyong for good, will never have the wish to do so anyway. You relaxed in his arms and gently leaned your head on the same pillow as him. He felt all the muscles of your body relax at the same time and you melted in his arms, cute little spoon that you were. Finally, you had let go.

“I lied. Not only do I want to talk about it, I also want to do it again. I want to do it all the time” he said. But it’s your cute little snore that answered on your behalf. You had fallen asleep, in the security of his arms.

“You chose your moment to fall asleep, you little brat” he laughed. 

It was a good thing that you didn’t hear it. It won’t risk your friendship for a dirty play. He couldn’t lose you, you were too important for him. He won’t let that happen. With a kiss on your head, he pressed his legs against the back of yours. Then, he abandoned himself to sleep, too.

Last year, sharing one hot kiss.

With a bunch of friends, you had rented a few condos units in Jeju Island to celebrate Jiyong’s birthday. He had a girlfriend at that time but it’s during this week-end that she had decided to break up with him, telling him that he was “too much to handle” for her liking.

What was supposed to be a fun week-end, turned out to be a blast for everybody except for Jiyong and you. How were you supposed to be happy when your best friend was crying alone outside in the dark.

“Leave me alone, Y/n. I just need some time”.

“I know, don’t worry, I only brought you a blanket, it’s frisky tonight!”

He noticed that indeed, you had laid a big comfy blanket on his shoulders. You knew better than him! He was cold and didn’t even notice. He sighed, heavy.

“See? I didn’t realise that it was cold. How can I notice that she was unhappy with me when I can’t even notice when the temperature drops”

“Ji, I know it hurts, believe me, I know…”

“Duh! As far as I know, you’ve always been the one to leave.Have you ever been dumped?”

“No, I haven’t but I know how a one side love feels like”.

“You never told me that you were in love with someone that doesn’t love you back…” 

He was talking very slowly, struggling with his pronunciation. He probably won’t remember any of it tomorrow.

“I don’t tell you every single thing that happened to me. Listen, I’ll leave you alone. Text me if you need me, I’ll be here in a second”.

“Nah, stay here and share that bottle of vodka with me”.

He had caught sight of the bottle you were holding with one hand. Sitting by his side, you had handed him the precious liquid. He took a long sip, making an appreciation sound when he was done.

“Aaaah! Thanks, hun. The lost cause is happy”.

Judging by his speech and his general condition, it was far from his first consommation tonight. He was wasted. Once again, you stayed silent. You knew he was having an emotional breakdown right now, you’ve been there yourself. He was so in love with that model and he didn’t see it coming at all, of course he was broken. It was breaking your heart to see him that sad.

“You must be happy, right? You never loved her!”

“You think I’m happy when I can feel your sadness with every cell of my body?”

“You heard me”

“Jiyong, don’t go there. We’ll fight and I don’t want to fight with you”.

“Pfff. I know what you are thinking”.

“You don’t know, stop being like that”.

“Or what?” 

“Or nothing. Just stop. I explained myself many times before. You know why I never loved her. But she seemed to make you happy so I was making great efforts not to get in your way”.

“Ooooh, is this why I didn’t see you the last month or so?”

“Damn, didn't you realize that I had been discreet so as not to harm your relationship with the asshole”?

“I told you, I’m too stupid to realise what’s under my nose. She is right, I didn’t take good care of her”.

“Okay, Ji, that’s enough. She was a manipulative woman, she was using you to boost her own career. You did everything to please her and yet she asked for more. I told you all that before but you didn’t believe me. Next time, trust my intuition. I’m never wrong”.

“I thought you were jealous”.

“I wasn’t jealous. I was mad because she was treating you badly and you refused to see it. But yes, you’re right too. I was jealous… I got to see you less because of her and it hurt. You didn’t even notice that I disappeared from your life, it pissed me not gonna lie”.

“Oh no! Shit. I’m gonna throw up”.

He did throw up for almost 30 minutes outside in the parking lot and even after, when he laid in bed. You couldn’t let him in that state, scared that he might vomit in his sleep and choke on it. That night, you didn’t close your eyes, looking out for him. Wiping his mouth after each puke, cleaning the floor, giving him water, meds and fresh linen for his forehead. You did it because this is how he deserves to be treated. With care and affection.

Just before going back in Seoul, as you were about to close the door of the condo that you had rented for yourself, he appeared behind you and snaked his arms around your chest, in a protective manner.

“Y/n… I want to thank you for staying by my side all this time. I know you wanted to try hitting on Jae but you couldn’t because of me.  Thanks, I really appreciate it. And I’ll invite him over for you to meet again.”

“Don’t mention it, it’s alright. And turns out that Jae is a douche, so forget it”.

“What happened?”

“Well, yesterday morning, he came out of his condo with 2 girls under his arms”.

“What’s the problem? If they all consented…” you closed the door and turned towards him. He was clearly not getting the point here.

“Problem is, he didn’t invited ME”

“Ooooh…. I see”.

“No, you cannot get it. You don’t know what it is because you have never experienced it. All the girls are at your feet. You enter a room and all eyes are on you. Women want you, men want you. Elders want you as their son-in-law. You don’t know what it’s like to feel ugly, unnoticed and unwanted. I’m sorry but you…”

You couldn’t finish your phrase. He stepped towards him and held your face in his chest, whispering soft words in your ears while you cried not so cutely. You felt good, thus wrapped in the comfort of his arms.

“We were 4 women Ji. Fucking 4. He invited 2 of them to his bed, the other one is Youngbae’s girl. You know what it means? Out of the three, I was the fucking last choice. How’s that?”

“I’m sorry hun, I really am. But maybe, he didn’t invite you because you were taking care of me. YES! That must be it. He invited them 2 to replace the only one he wanted to have sex with. See? It takes 2 to replace you!”. He wanted to cheer you up and it was working. 

“You’re silly” you smiled even though you knew he was wrong.

You had calmed down, so you stepped back from him. You were normally not cuddly with each other. Not that you didn’t like the contact, it was just like that. His arms didn’t feel uncomfortable but it was not fun either. The whole situation, the whole week-end was not.

As he looked into your sad eyes, he did the only thing that came into his mind. It was stupid to do but he didn’t had much time to think about it, he acted on an impulse.

“Well, now you will be able to say that you were kissed by the legendary G-Dragon”

And he had leaned in, lifting your chin up with his index. 

What he wanted to be a soft peck became a surprisingly hot and feverish kiss. One that normally leads directly to bed, don’t pass go, don’t claim 200 dollars. Whose tongue was inside the other’s mouth first? He couldn’t tell.  After a short moment, he had withdrawn in shock but when your finger traced the spot on your lips that he just left, he had no choice but to dive in for a second taste.  

It was delicious. He melted into you like ice-cream under the warm sun and so did you. He felt like he belonged next to you, and you next to him. It seemed that your lips were drawn to fit his. That your tongue was made to dance with his. That his hands were the perfect size to circle your waist. Not only your bodies were in perfect harmony, that kiss held the sweetness of your friendship combined with a million loving thoughts. It all condensed into a moment of burning heat.  

He had just felt your boobs pressed against him and your mouth against his neck, a delightful sensation, when you heard someone coming your way. Youngbae was coming out of his condo, he would soon turn the corner and discover you. Unfortunately, you had to split apart. To stop that fire that had ignited. That desire that consumed you. 

“Ji, we shouldn’t have crossed that line…” you pushed him away.

“I know. Let’s forget it happened” he answered in shock, not sure about what just happened and why it was not a good idea. It was so perfect, it couldn’t be a bad thing.

“Good idea” 

It seems that you were equally eager to end the conversation. Obviously, both for different reasons.

“Are you mad, Y/n?” he asked later, in the plane.

“Mad about what?”

“Duh, the kiss!”

“What kiss?” you answered, determined never to think about what had just happened.

To this day, you never said anything about it. It was almost like a faded dream. Did it ever happen? 

Present day

When you had woken up after your little nap close to lunch time, you felt reposed and relaxed. Jiyong was spooning you, his arms clutching onto your waist. His warm chest rose against your back at the rhythm of his soft breathing. On your neck was the most satisfying thing that you ever felt in your life, Jiyong’s warm breath. Smiling, you softly turned around to face him, you needed to look at his perfect face. You made sure to be as quiet and gentle as possible not to wake him up. Unnoticeable like a mouse.

When you faced him, his naked legs automatically intertwined with yours. He dragged you closer to him with one strong arm and your hands landed on his chest. Snuggling your nose against his shirt, you felt butterflies dancing in your stomach, threatening to fly away with your heart on the same occasion.  Was the mornings in his arms always perfect like that?

“Mmmmm hun, you feel good” It was not a question, it was a statement whispered with his lazy voice. One that leaves no place to doubt, hatred or anxiety. A voice that could heal a broken heart and guide another out of the darkest places. 

He knew that it was you in his arms and still, he didn’t flinch. You felt so stupidly good that you had to stand up and leave. It was too perfect. Too intimate. Too soothing. Your heart won’t survive this. For the sake of your mental health, you had to leave now. 

“I have to go Ji, I’ll be late”.

“Already? No, stay a little longer. We’re so comfy”

He hasn't opened his eyes yet, still blurred from sleep. He seemed so peaceful, it was endearing. You didn’t know what was going on with him, but one thing was certain, he hadn’t been himself since last night.  He even had shown small changes in his behavior in recent weeks. 

Brushing these thoughts on the side, you moved away from his arms. You’ll have plenty of time to fall in the downward spiral of sadness later, thinking that you will never be his. That he will never be yours. You escaped the peaceful cocoon you were wrapped in and went out of his bed. Out of his house. Out of your own mind.

Later that day, after your shift

As you arrived at your place, you opened your message app and started to read it. At the same time, you took your shoes off by shaking your feet one by one, over the rug in the hall. Right after your shower when you sat on the couch with a bowl of Japchae, you passed out exhausted.

Meanwhile, Jiyong was upside down. He had spent the day thinking of you, your relationship. He was affirmative, his feelings for you had changed, he was deeply in love with his best friend. There was no doubt in his mind. And he had no idea how you would react to it.

He didn’t want to lose you, but the feeling was so strong now that he accepted it, he had to confess. He needed to. 

Unlike your habit, and the timing couldn’t be more paradoxical, you had left him on read all day. It happened once before but it was because you were too busy with work. Why did it have to happen on a day like today, when he was already so out of his mind. Did you feel him today? Did you realize the changes taking place in him? Was that why you ignored his calls and texts? Were you angry? Maybe you found him too clingy. Maybe he made you feel uncomfortable.  He was going crazy with all these questions when he realised that it was already 2am. It was obvious that he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Sighting, he wore his ‘incognito costume’, meaning jogging pants, a hoodie, a face mask and a beanie. Nothing fancy, nothing to expose his identity. Hopefully, the streets will be empty at this time of the night.

He walked around his neighbourhood, wandering. He could only think of you, what your reaction could be when he’ll open his heart to you. He didn’t want to imagine the worst, he couldn’t imagine you rejecting him, his heart felt heavy with pain just at the thought of it. With the consequences that this could bring, the changes to your relationship. We should not dwell on it. He had to go heart first and confess, hoping for the best.

He realized that he was now in front of your apartment block, that he had been walking along your street for a while now, like a stalker. What if something happened bad to you? Just thinking about it made him anxious. He needed to see you, to make sure that first you were safe and warm and second that you were not mad at him. That he didn’t lose you. But why would you be mad? It was a downward spiral of thoughts. It had to stop.

He entered the building with his key, took the elevator and then ran in the hallway impatiently. He couldn’t wait to see you. To tell you. It was a strong and invalidating feeling, he had to confess. His heart had to come back to normal, otherwise he would go crazy.

Unable to wait for you to open the apartment door, he slammed it open. What he discovered inside broke him into pieces, in the best way possible. You were wearing that same old clothes he saw you so often with. That horrible kit that made him hiss in disapproval each time he saw you dressed in. There was nothing he could do to make you stop wearing it. He had tried it all.  Somewhere along the way, he had let go. It was a really good thing, it allowed him to discover you curled up on the couch with untouched food on the table near you. Your hands were hidden in the sleeves of your sweater, joined under your chin. You were so cute, peacefully asleep in your comfort clothes, his heart melted.

He squatted down in front of you and with much tenderness, he caressed your face. He didn’t want to wake you up, he just needed to touch you. He was finally able to breathe. 

You felt his hand on your cheek and automatically, you knew it was Jiyong. You must have been dreaming, you were at your place, alone. Humming with content, you whispered his name with a satisfied smile across your lips and turned to face the other side. 

“Sleep, hun… I’ll wait tomorrow, I can wait now”.

“Ji?” you exclaimed in surprise. “What are you doing here?” you asked as you rub your eyes and opened the light that sat on the low table. When you discovered his features, you jumped off the couch and sat on the floor in front of him. “What’s going on? What happened”.

He didn’t understand what you meant, he didn’t say anything yet 

“Ji, you cried! What happened?”

“I cried? ooooh, yes” patting his face he realized that he did, indeed, have semi-dried tears on his cheeks. So he cried and didn't realize it.

“Why??? What happened?” you asked in a hurry.

“Nothing happened. I just cried…”

“Something must have, you had cried and landed in my living room at 3 am” you cupped his cheeks and started a visual inspection of him. You needed to make sure that he was okay, that nothing happened to him. That he was not sick or hurt physically at least. He found you beautiful.

“I love you”

“Yes Ji, I know… love you too” you answered mindlessly as you scritized his face, concentrating on your inspection.

He grabbed your wrists and held your hands close to his heart. He had started to talk, he couldn’t stop now. He didn’t want to. With all his courage and all the hope he could gather, he repeated.

“Y/n, I love you” 

“...”

“I love you”

You understood what he just said, the words he pronounced but not quite the meaning. You locked eyes with him, searching for an answer to your unspoken question. His beautiful eyes were not sparkling exactly the same way than before. He seemed agitated and peaceful at the same time, it was strange.

“Ji? What’s going on? Are you drunk?”

“Yah… Pabo! Let’s sit more comfortably, I’ll explain”.

You both transferred on the couch, sitting face to face with your knees up under your chin. You held your legs against your chest in a comforting manner. He couldn’t resist the temptation to touch you and he placed a hand flat on your forearm, amazed by your beauty as much as touched by your obvious concern.

“Y/n… Let me talk please”

It made you smile. If the situation would have not been that tensed, you would have laughed your ass out and mock him. 

“I didn’t place a word Ji, I’m waiting for you to explain your interruption in my living room in the middle of the night. I think it’s fair to say that I’m letting you talk”.

“Yes, sorry” he scratched his head with shyness “what I meant was let me talk before you do. But first, why didn’t you answer my calls or texts today? I was scared something happened to you”.

“I figure, sorry Ji. I was dead busy today, couldn’t find the time to eat anything or rest. I took a shower and wanted to call you but the minute I sat on the couch, I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to make you worry”

“Fair enough… and what happened at work today? You had a good day? Did you finally decide to buy yourself a cat?”

“Ji…” you cut him. He was running around the bush and you became impatient. “Ji, tell me. What is it about?”

“I promise you that if you don’t feel the same way, I’ll be okay, I’ll manage to survive. Goodness, I’m petrified”.

While he took his sweet time to say what he had to say, an image was forming in your mind. Did he mean what you think he meant? It couldn’t be possible. Febrile, hope bloomed inside of you.

“Ji… what’s going on?”

“I love you”

The mocking gaze of your best friend was gone. Instead, in his eyes you saw a loving feeling come to life. You read in it doubt and hope. Lots of hope. In his eyes, new sparks you never thought that would shine on for you.  This beautiful vision speaked louder than words.

“I realised lately that you’re the one I want to share my life with. The affection I had, it changed into love. Now, I smile like an idiot when I hear your voice. I melt when you pronounce my name. I want my hands on you all the time. I want to hug you. I want to be a better person and make you proud. I want the world a better place just for you to be more safe. I want to make you happy, just like you make me. I want to kiss you. I want to hold your hand on my way to paradise if it exists, and I want to be born with you again in our next life. Say something please…”

“That hand of mine will hold yours till the end of our life and again in the next one. I promise you that”. 

It was not what he expected to hear. He was so scared that you would reject him, he never thought you would really share his feelings. He just hoped with all his heart, unsure and nervous. Therefore, he was unable to process the words you spoke.

“What?”

You didn’t repeat, instead you leaned in and kissed him, putting all your love in the kiss. The tenderness you feel for him, the passion too. You put all those intentions as your lips sealed with his. Tears went down both your cheeks and mixed together before falling on your clothes.

“You love me?” he asked between the kisses. “For real?” 

He cupped your cheeks with a tenderness that you never felt before. His hands on you was now the only thing that matters.

“Ji, I love you. I love you so much… loved you for years now”.

“Woah, really?”

“Let’s not talk about it yet, we have plenty of time ahead. But yes, I love you. I thought I was so obvious”.

“Not at all, I didn’t realize. I’m sorry love, to realize that you were mine this late”.

“It’s okay Ji, I never thought that you could love me back so I'm more than happy right now. I’m in heaven”.

“Me too”

You looked at each other, smiling shyly.

“I can’t wait to bring you out on our first date. It will be so nice to hold your hand… to show everybody that you are mine, that I’m the luckiest man who got the prettiest girl”.

“Aaaaw Ji”

Your heart was so light but it was beating fast at the same time. You were happy like you were never before. You felt fully and wonderfully alive, loved and overwhelmed. Jiyong’s features told you that he felt the exact same way about you. He had that shy loving smile of his. 

“Ji… Is this for real?”

“I could ask you the same”

“Love of my life…” you whispered as you kissed him a sweet and feverish kiss. You broke contact and plonged your eyes into his “you have no idea how you make me feel right now. I’ve been longing for you, for your kisses and touch all this time. I was loving you in silence and now I can finally touch you. I don’t mean sexually… Just to be able to cup your beautiful face like that and I’m in heaven” you said as you cupped his face and kissed the tip of his nose. 

“I doubt the ‘not sexually’ part but I know exactly how you feel. It seems like you are too far away from me. You would be sitting on my lap and you would still be too far. I’m craving for you”

“Come” you said, standing up. You took his hand in yours and as you walked backwards, you guided him towards your bedroom.  His smile grew bigger.

“Where are we going?”

“You confessed your love to me while I was wearing those clothes that you hate so much. I think it’s only fair that we take them off now… I mean, not to ruin your mood”

“You… you sure?”

“Not a bit… I’m scared that I will deceive you. I’m scared that you will not love what you see…”

“Shhhhh” he stopped you with a kiss “there is no such thing possible. You walked naked so many times before me, I already know all your curves”

“I never walked naked in front of you…”

“You do”

“Nope…”

“all the time…”

“Wanna see what naked is? Let me show you” you took your clothes off in the speed of light, exposing your naked forms in front of him. “See? Have you ever seen me naked like that before?”

He smiled a cocky smile and pushed the clothes that were on the floor with his foot. He didn’t answer your question; instead, he held out a trembling hand, the only clue of the fire roaring in him. He put it flat on the side of your neck. His touch was delicate and full of love. You felt his raw emotion in the way he was touching you, looking at you.  He couldn't believe he was so lucky. That you were his and you felt the same.

“I love what I see. I love every inch of that body because it’s yours. I will love and cherish it until the day I die”

A single tear fell down off your eyes. There was no cloud under your sky and if ever you meet some along the way, you will certainly find a way to overcome it. Of that, you had no doubt. 

“I love you Jiyong”

“I love you Y/n”

Without another word, he lifted you from the ground and transported you to you to your bed. With all the love he had, and all the love you had too, you started your new life together in the most beautiful way possible.

[natromanxoff]

Most of you probably know about the alleged tape incident of Roger’s. After constantly getting pissed off because of him getting called as “dumbass”, seeing people trying to find and watch the video (let’s be honest that is actually a little impertinent); now I am able to acknowledge better how someone out there made up some incorrect version about this, maybe even totally fake, story and the misinformation had spread around. It’s actually getting even worse when the incident in question might not have happened at all.

Last month, I have come across and received the scan of another article which had headlines about this matter. And guess what? While I was only expecting to read pure nonsense again, there was more about it - I realized that it doesn’t tell about it as Roger giving the wrong tape and it’s totally different. The Sun said “it’s stolen" too but everybody around has been saying “he gave it”. Before I start, I’d like to point out some important points: 

1. Be aware that this is, even though it has reached out to tabloids, a private issue. Whether the story is wrong or right, this is a story about a private stuff of them. Above all, Roger is already a private person himself about his personal life. Please be respectful at that if you ever say something about it.

2. You all use this story to mock him in some ways which I don’t really appreciate – it’s kind of like IILWMC –, don’t do it. I am not writing this down for you to change the context and make more jokes. My sole purpose is trying to stop this ‘gave the wrong tape’ accusation because I don’t see any source or proof regarding that. Send me if there’s any but I don’t think there is.

3. Always remember that these are only tabloid stuff. Most of the time, they are not credible or creditable at all. Those are the same papers which wrote all the horrible things when Freddie passed away. It’s hard to trust anything that those unreliable papers wrote about. But, at least, we’ll be able to see the origin of some details. Basically, keep in mind that this whole thing might not have happened at all but it also mentions nothing about him making a mistake - that part doesn’t appear anywhere on the internet actually, except on the words of fans’.

4. Let’s just not delve into this subject much more than necessary but only read the paper to see what it says. As I said, this post is written only for information.

We all know about The Sun article (May 4th, 1991). The one I mentioned now is from Sunday Mirror (SM) (May 5th, 1991). There is a couple of interesting points when you compare these two; that person asked for £10,000 from the first one anonymously and £5,000 from the second one by arranging a meeting; The Sun says they let the police know about it and some progress have already been made, SM says they gave the files to detectives the previous night; The Sun is somehow able to tell that the video was recorded in the previous year but also tells that it’s not known how the copy was made, meanwhile SM describes it with details. They make me nothing but more suspicious, like they are in contradict and something feels off. Did he request two different amounts of money from two different newspaper company by having only one copy to see which one will accept? Or were there more than one copy? If there were more than one, it makes me think that people would have found it by now. I am not going to question these anymore though, I don’t want to do that and it’s not my aim at all, because the main point I’d like to talk about and correct is how the tape has reached out to Douglas Lane, the person who tried to sell it,: by the man who was hired to do some work at Roger’s home when he was away. He thought the tape he saw on the shelf is a video from The Miracle album and took it home to watch so he basically ‘stole’ it because he ended up making a copy and giving it to Lean.

Lean claimed the tape had been “borrowed” and copied by a 47-old-friend.

The man had been hired to do building work at Taylor’s £700,000 second home in Kensington, West London, while the star was away.

He took the tape from a shelf thinking it was a video from Queen’s Miracle album.

Lean said: “He is a Queen fan so he thought he would take it home and have a look at it.”

And Douglas, who earns money in an unsatisfying amount, thought that he would get more by selling it.

“He had the sense to copy it and put the original back, but he didn’t do anything with the copy.

“He knew I was involved in music and told me about it.”

Lean, who drives a concrete mixer by day and earns £20 a night playing guitar in pubs, said: “I immediately thought I could make myself a packet out of it.

“It was my idea to sell it.”

Sunday Mirror writes that Lean said Roger edited the tape so that after those “sessions”, you see Breakthru video and he labelled the tape “Breakthru promo”.

“Taylor has no idea the video has been copied,” said Lean.

He said the tape was labelled “Breakthrough Promo” — the name of the band’s single from the Miracle album.”

I mean, really? I honestly don’t have any idea why he would do that. Why would he add a private video on a same tape with one of Queen videos? Why would he bother? If he did, why does he label it with that? Why does that worker get so curious about a video from 2 years ago? Maybe he didn’t have chance to see it in those two years, that could be the only answer. But why does he bring it to his home rather than watching it in Roger’s home? Surely, he wouldn’t see any problem at that as he’s fine with taking something that doesn’t belong to him. It’s purely a chance that he came across with something unexpected which will make him want to copy it at his home.

And after everything, this is apparently what Lean says:

But he insisted: The video was not stolen. It was just borrowed and copied.”

I can say a lot of words right now but I won’t… If all these things are really true, that is not an excuse of taking someone’s private stuff to copy without their consent, not ethical at all as he aimed to sell it and make it public. Ergo it was indeed stolen.

So, see? There is no “mixing the tapes and giving the wrong tape to a fan”. I assume this article must be the first place where that wrong version came from. And if it is telling the truth, there seems to be no mistake he has done here because his private stuff has been taken from his property unbeknownst to him. Briefly, we don’t know for sure if they had a tape and if it has really reached out to someone but if it did, then I believe this is high likely how it would happen.

It’s worth to mention that there is another theory regarding these news, that it’s been arranged to take media’s attention off Freddie. I can’t tell which one is true or if both them are wrong and nothing even happened, of course. It’s up to you, choosing whatever you’re going to believe in. But know that I can’t see any creditable source about him giving the wrong tape - so I wouldn’t suggest believing in that or keeping talking about it - and there might be more about this that we don’t / won’t know about so it’s only haste to make a judgement based on these. 

Last note about something regarding him in general: Please, don’t take the different versions of this story and comments about them into account when you form your opinion about him because only those things don’t define him. Or the other way around, “if it’s Roger, it’s probably true - he would do it” attitude is not really fair when we consider that it’s actually you who chose to perceive him in that way by getting influenced whether by the movie or some ‘facts’ around - they do not reflect some aspects of him in the right way. Always try to find an original source. It is not always only him who would have his fun in those various ways, it is possible for any other rock star. All of them did some stuff - sometimes some really bad stuff - but it is not only Roger (I don’t mean the stated story here though, I honestly can’t see anything bad there). So him being the one who is involved in this story doesn’t prove or provide any authenticity. If everyone complies with that while critizing him or not approving something about him, it is always acceptable and welcomed, in my opinion. And that is valid about everyone, of course.

[petri808]

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Inukag AU

There was a genuine smile on Kagome’s face as she sat on her bed quietly while her family and friends did what they could to try and jog her memory. It was about 3 months since the accident and today the bed was littered with photo albums, old letters, newspapers from her college days that Sango had saved, or her mother pulled from her old bedroom, really anything they could think of to provide visuals. She didn’t want them to feel bad for her predicament, so thought it best to go along with it. They probably knew— she didn’t recognize any of it but bless them for playing along as she nodded or chuckled at appropriate times or patiently waited as she stared at certain items longer than she should have. Because Kagome really wanted to remember.

But in reality, all the words and images were viewed through a strangers lens. Yes, she recognized certain people, but not everyone or the situation in the photos. For Kagome, her last recollections end shortly after graduating college. She knew Sango since they’d been friends, but barely remembered Miroku. To her Miroku was still the boyfriend of less than a year, not a husband and certainly not a father to the couples 1 year old twin girls. Sango was her best friend, so to not remember the wedding or the birth of the twins who based on the photos were precious to her... hurt. There she was in those pictures holding one newborn in each arm, beaming at becoming an aunty, and no recollection of it.

“Tomorrow is the weekend, so we can video chat with Sota,” Mrs. Higurashi reminded her daughter. “I’ve been keeping him updated by text.”

“Where is he again?” Kagome asked.

“In Hawaii, at the University of Hilo.”

“Oh... right,” Kagome chuckled. “I forgot.”

“That’s okay, dear. Sota is in his senior year now and will be coming home in December after graduation.”

“I hope I’m well enough to fly there for the graduation.”

“I think you will be,” her mother smiled softly. “There’s always hope.”

Yeah... hope. It was the only thing keeping Kagome from breaking down. Each night as she drifted to sleep, she’d remind herself of the temporary nature of her condition. Truth or not, it was worth clinging to. Earlier her mother told her of how she’d flown to Hawaii to help Sota settle into his dorm. As the big sister, she was so proud of him, but again Kagome had no recollection of this event and only Hawaiian vacation pictures to prove its truth. Still, she was happy that her brother had grown up so much. The sense of pride she must have felt at the time was renewed in the new knowledge.

She didn’t remember a lot, but there were moments that brought tears to her eyes for more than one reason. Take the other day when Sango and Miroku brought the twins for a visit. The children remembered their Aunty Kagome and quickly reached out with their small hands to her. It brought out tears from the happy emotions such adorable faces could provoke in anyone, yet also tears of frustration for not knowing them at all. Clearly, they loved her, and she wanted to love them too. Bless them, showing concern for her tears, reaching out to Kagome’s face as if to soothe the adult. So, realizing her effect, she quickly smiled and told them she was just happy to see them.

“It’s still a little weird,” Kagome confided to Sango one day, “because my only memory of Miroku is of an annoying guy following you around while still checking out other girls.”

Sango laughed, “he still an annoying guy at times, but it’s true, he has settled down since those days.”

“What was it that finally changed your mind about Miroku?”

“Oh, um actually we’d had a fight... a really big fight over his behavior and I put my foot down. It was me or them because I wasn’t gonna put up with it anymore. I guess the proverbial slap to his face woke him up.”

Kagome chuckled. “It does appear to have worked. But it was obvious how much he loved you despite the stupid things he did.”

Sango nodded. “True. If I didn’t think so too, I would have just walked away and not looked back. Sometimes guys literally need a harsh wake up a call to realize what they’re about to lose.”

That made Kagome think about the supposed fight with Inuyasha on the night of her accident, because it resembled the predicament Sango went through. She frowned. “Why are guys like that?”

Sango shrugged. “If we ever found an answer to that question, we’d be rich.”

Kagome snorted a laugh. “Agreed. We could make money writing self-help books.”

The girls shared a laugh before moving on to other subjects, but as the day grew late, Kagome suddenly sank down on the bed. There was a question she’d been wanting to ask, and though Inuyasha would be the better one to ask, he was still a strangers in her eyes. At least with Sango, she knew she could trust her friend to tell her the truth.

“Before you go, Sango, I have something to ask about.”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Could you tell me how I met Inuyasha? Tell me what you know about our relationship?”

Sango’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Hasn’t Inu told you anything?”

Kagome looked down. “He has told me things, but I— I still don’t know if I should trust him. I mean... I know my mom loves him and that tells me a lot, but it doesn’t change the fact he’s just a stranger at this point for me— it’s,” she shrugged, “awkward.”

“Oh... Guess I never thought of it that way.” Sango reached out and took her Kagome’s hand. “I’d be happy to answer your questions. It’s okay that it’s awkward, that’s understandable so don’t push yourself to accept things just to accept them, but even I would agree with your mom, he’s probably told you the truth.”

“You think so?”

Sango squeezed her friends hand and chuckled. “Yeah. I didn’t like him at first, but the guy really grew on me. Try it, test me,” she coaxed Kagome. “Ask me about something he told you and let’s see if my answers are the same.”

Kagome smiled and sat back for a moment in thought. “What’s something questionable...” she tapped her chin. “The first date he took me on was to a ramen restaurant. Which is not very romantic if you’re trying to woo someone. So, it sounds true and preposterous at the same time. He said he was so nervous that he accidentally spilled a drink on me. I wondered if he told me that just to be funny and endearing, but it never actually happened.”

“Oh,” Sango burst out laughing, “it definitely did happen! You’d told him to pick somewhere he loved to go and Inu’s favorite meal is ramen, so that’s what he picked. And the drink. It was a pink cocktail that stained your dress. You were so annoyed!” She giggled again. “But it was obvious how nervous he was, and I remember how you told me it was cute to see him get all flustered.”

“Oh, wow,” Kagome laughed too. “I guess I have to believe it now. Tell me more.”

“Hmm,” Sango pondered. “He was so nervous to even ask you out, Miroku had to ask you for him.”

“What?!” Kagome gasped and snorted a laugh. “And I’d still said yes?!”

“Yeah, because by then you liked him too. It took... if I remember correctly a year of interactions just for him to gain that much courage.” At that point Sango’s voice quieted. “I don’t know if he’s told you this part yet but, Inu was a broken person when you’d first met.”

“No, he hasn’t.” Kagome leaned forward with interest. “What do you mean?”

“At the time he’d already been broken up with Kikyo for 4 or 5 years I think, but he hadn’t fully moved on yet. I can’t say he still loved her. I think it was more just loneliness. His mother died when he was young as well. So, I think the combination of losing the two most important women in his life left him depressed.”

“Wow...”

“I knew him as Miroku’s brooding coworker, how my husband tolerated that I have no idea, but they were close friends. When we’d introduced you to him, things slowly began to change. You almost made it a mission to help him get out of it.” Sango chuckled lightly. “You know how you are, always trying to help people. At first, Inu resisted, but you didn’t let up and slowly but surely broke through his defenses. He became a puppy dog around you, totally head over heels in love.” She smiled. “It was fun and so cute for us to watch it all happen.”

“I wish I remembered any of this,” Kagome sighed.

“You will. You’ve never been a quitter, so I truly believe you will get your memory back.”

“Thanks, Sango. All of your guys help really means a lot to me.”

Sango reached out and hugged her friend. “I know you’d do the same for me.” She sat back in her chair. “It’s tough now, and I know you described Inuyasha as a stranger, but treat it as if you’re dating a new guy with all those heart racing, excitements that come with it. I see how you look at him.” She teased. “You must at least thinks he’s cute?”

Kagomes cheeks flushed pink. “Is it that obvious?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sango giggled and squeezed her friends hand. “If all you do is focus on this situation, you won’t start to live again. They’re releasing you to go home in a couple weeks, so have a little fun with him. Create some new memories.”

“Maybe you’re right... maybe I will try to think about it that way.” Kagome tips her head slightly. “It is kinda fun to feel those giddy girly emotions when I see him.”

Speaking of. The girls hear a knock at the door and turn to see Inuyasha walking in with a bouquet of flowers and a bag of take-out food. “Hey gorgeous and Sango.”

It set off another rush of heat to Kagome’s face. “Hi,” she squeaked out.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Sango stood up with a wink. “See you tomorrow.” She hugged her best friend and left the room.

Inuyasha took the seat beside Kagome and handed her the flowers. “How are you feeling today?”

“Mmm, it was good chatting with Sango.” She held the flowers up to her nose to smell them while keeping her eyes on him. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful.”

“Beautiful women deserve beautiful flowers,” he smiled back and held up a bag. “Hope you’re hungry. I brought dinner since hospital food must be getting boring by now.”

“Aww, that’s thoughtful of you, cause yes,” Kagome sighed, “it is.”

Inuyasha chuckled, then pulled out the containers of food. He handed Kagome a plate. “It’s salmon nitsuke.”

“Oh, yes!” Kagome almost moaned in delight as she opened the container and surveyed the food. “And it smells so delicious!” But before Inuyasha opened his container. “Wait! Let me guess what you got.”

“Okay?” Inuyasha chuckled.

“Ramen.”

Inuyasha’s eyes widened. “How?!”

Kagome giggled. “Sango told me it was your favorite.”

To her guessing was funny, but she didn’t expect the pained expression that instantly fell over Inuyasha’s face. It didn’t take her long to realize. “Oh my, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to make you think I got my memory back!”

“I-It’s okay, really,” he tried to reassure her. Yes, it hurt, but, “it’s nice to see you smiling and happy.”

“Are you sure? I’m really sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“Kagome, it’s really okay.” He smiled with eyes clouded over. “You’ve been... stand-offish till now, so it makes me feel a lot better that you’re comfortable enough to joke with me again.”

“Yeah... about that... I’ve been talking with Sango and she’s been encouraging me to give you a chance. I do want... to take her advice, but...” her voice softened, “could I be honest with you?”

“Of course.”

“For me, this is all like meeting a new guy and, you know, the whole crush, dating steps, and such whereas for you, it’s different and must be frustrating.”

“If I’m being honest, yeah,” Inuyasha scratched his head, “it is, but I don’t know, also a bit exciting too, like a challenge, but a fun one if that makes any sense. I get to date you all over again— I-I mean if you’ll let me.”

“They’re releasing me soon, so I think...” Kagome’s cheeks flushed. “I’d love to go out on a date with you Inuyasha.”

“Whoo Hoo!” He pumped his fists in the air. “I feel like a teenager again,” Inuyasha laughed.

At that, Kagome giggled, her mood significantly lightened, and a weight lifted. It was the first step towards a sense of normalcy. Forget the fact she couldn’t remember a chunk of her past and live in the now where a handsome hanyo sat waiting.

[rushingheadlong]

POP IN THE SUPERMARKET

Conveyer rock - is it all a hype? Colin Irwin looks at pre-packed pop and talks to the men behind new bands Queen (left) and Merlin

Hype. An ugly, unpleasant word frequently recurring in rock circles. 

Up in the boardroom of a vast record company the fat cigar brigade are scratching heads. Binn and Batman have come up with another surefire hit and they want somebody fresh to market it. They ponder a few names and finally decide on one with slight but clear sexual connotations - suggestively camp. 

Name settled, they work on the people who will be in this new band. They might be able to find a ready-made group to fit the bill but better to mould their own. There's a singer who has been around for a few years. 

He's not great but he knows how to throw himself around a stage, has a hairy chest and can hit the high notes. Give him a new name and he'll do. Somebody knows a lead guitarist who can play a bit and looks good. They can advertise for the others. 

They'll work out a sensational stage act, rig them up in some flash gear, buy them the best equipment and arrange a string of appearances in some influential venues. Plunge a few thousand quid in launching them with advertising and posters and "They'll be the biggest thing since sliced bread," chief fat cigar tells his underlings. 

Session musicians are employed to record the single and being a Binn and Batman special the radio stations label it "chart bound" and play it twenty five times a day. Seeing the glossy photos in the bop mags the kids gather up their pennies and buy it. 

VOILA, stars are born - or manufactured. An extreme form of hype. 

There's also a cliché commonly used in the business about people who have been around for many years and finally make it. It's called talent-will-out. An idealist phrase but there is still a popular belief that if a band is truly talented enough it will win through in the end. 

Yet even the greatest band in the world need a bit of pushing in the first place. When a record becomes a hit it's not always that easy to distinguish between hype and talent-will-out.

If a record company spends astronomical sums of money promoting a band, is it hype? Or is it a legitimate and necessary weapon in the music business? The argument is that the BBC's ever-tightening playlist and the effects on the industry of the three-day week have made it harder than ever for a new group to make it - talent or no. Without a big money machine behind it there isn't a hope. 

The situation is illustrated by two energetic new bands, who both look like breaking. 

Big money has been spent on Queen and Merlin, who have had new singles released during the last month. 

Queen's record, "Seven Seas Of Rhye," is already moving swiftly up the chart, while Merlin's "Let Me Put My Spell On You," is doing well enough to suggest it might follow suit. 

There is no suggestion that either band is a manufactured or manipulated product in the sense of the Monkees. They play the music on their own records entirely themselves and they are both hard at work on the road. 

Yet the question arises as to whether they would be doing quite so well without the resources of big companies behind them. 

In the case of Queen it's Trident Audio Productions and EMI and for Merlin it's Cookaway Productions and CBS.

The one common factor is that money and backing has been provided because the companies have a solid, unshakeable belief in the artists they are promoting. They are indignant about any suggestion of a put-on or that there has been any attempt to con the public. 

Listen to Merlin's producer Roger Greenaway for half-an-hour and there is no doubting his faith in their ability. "They are going to break, I know they are. I'm convinced the record will be a hit."

Nobody's saying exactly how much it has cost to launch either band. "Over a period of months between £5,000 and £10,000" has been spent on marketing Queen by EMI while the figure for Merlin is even vaguer. "A bit, but not a vast amount. Not a fortune by any means."

"Seven Seas Of Rhye" is Queen's second single and was recorded as part of the album "Queen 2" which has just been released. Things started to move for them about a year ago when they recorded their first album for Trident, who have a distribution contract with EMI. 

An advance was paid to them to help with the immediate costs of putting them on the road. 

Review copies of the album - about 400 of them - were sent out to everyone who might conceivably have any influence on the record buying public, from discos to the national press. Copies were personally distributed to radio and TV producers and extensive advertising space was bought in the trade papers. 

The launch for Queen was more concentrated than most artist are entitled to expect. 

Trident were completely behind them from the start and found them their American producer Jack Nelson. EMI promotions men Ronnie Fowler and John Bagnall decided they had a product with an exceptional chance of success and they went all out to exploit it to the full. 

Says Fowler: "Every record we release we work to a pattern of promotion. When I went round with the album it was normal procedure. It becomes un-normal when people start phoning you - that's when you put more effort into it."

Bagnall adds: "It became obvious after a week or so that it wasn't standard promotion that was necessary. We did a more complete promotion job than usual on Queen because we thought they were going to make it.

"They're all good-looking guys and I did a round of teeny papers and all the girls in the office swooned over them. Brian, the lead guitarist, had made his own guitar and a couple of the nationals picked up on that. It was good, gossipy stuff."

Queen's publicity machine was working from all angles because they were also getting external promotion from Tony Brainsby's promotion office. 

He had been involved with them from the time they had been trying to get record producers interested. The intensity of it all paid off when they were invited to do a spot on the Old Grey Whistle Test. Radio Luxembourg latched upon the single "Keep Yourself Alive" and played it regularly. 

Their first tour, supporting Mott the Hoople, got the full works. Local press was saturated with releases about this new band which was shortly coming to their town, elaborate displays were arranged at the front of the house on the night of the concert, local disc-jockeys were informed, and window displays were made in about 200 local record shops. 

"Trident and EMI committed themselves right from the start to this band, to make sure they had a PA which was better than other bands had and to make sure they had the right clothes. Some of their outfits cost £150 each," said Bagnall. "Spending money on a band isn't hype. It wasn't being flash or extravagant for the sake of building an image. It was making sure that everything else was as good as their music."

Not so far removed from the attitude towards Merlin, although it has been on a smaller scale in this case. 

The first Merlin tour, still underway, is rigorous. They are playing ballrooms and colleges all over the country on a lengthy round. 

An ambitious project for a new, unknown band, but it has already been successful in that it has launched them as a name people now know. A full-page advertisement was bought in the MM. That's the sort of treatment you might get if you're Bowie, or Ferry, or even Mick Ronson. But Merlin?

They have only been in existence in their present form since last May. 

They emerged as a result of discussions between Alan Love and Derek Chick about the possibility of forming a band with definite commercial appeal and a glamorous stage act. The idea reached fruition via a band called Madrigal, who had for some time been working the same circuit as Mud before "Crazy" broke for them. 

Madrigal disbanded but reformed with the same drummer and bass player, and Love as singer and Chick as manager. A couple more young musicians were found to join them and Chick started the usual hustling to get them going. 

In due course they came to the attention of Cookaway, and Roger Greenaway was hastily summoned to take a look at them. He had already seen Madrigal and when he saw the new model he immediately saw a big future for them. 

Greenaway says: "I'd been looking for a group of this type for three years - a young under-20s group who can present a good act. There's a lot more showmanship attached to bands now. I wanted an act with a slightly different approach. I was in New York producing the Drifters and I came back especially to hear them."

He quickly took them into a studio to see how they reacted there and among the tracks they recorded was "Let Me Put My Spell On You" which had been written by Greenaway in collaboration with Tony Macaulay. Like Queen, the best equipment and some fancy costumes were bought for them and the launching process was put into operation. 

My own experience of the Merlin project was a couple of weeks ago at Reading Top Rank - a bizarre mixture of precocious boppers, ageing teds, and stern-looking heavies. 

Posters and pictures of the group were plastered all over the place and by the time they eventually appeared late in the evening you had been informed quite thoroughly that Merlin had made a record called "Let Me Put My Spell On You."

Greenaway says of Love: "He's got star quality and he's a great charmer. The guitar player Jamie Moses has got a terrific potential too. I've worked with Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones but for me this guy at 18 is a better player than Jimmy Page was at the same age. He's the sort of player guys can follow - like Jet Harris - he had an incredible following with the guys."

He likens the Merlin launch to a military operation. The career of the group has been minutely planned since October. Accepting that it is almost impossible to get airplay for a new band on the BBC they decided the best way to break them was through a solid mass of live dates. 

The dates were booked, once again the best equipment, including a light show, was bought for them, and distinctive stage costumes especially designed. 

"By the time the tour has ended they will be a really tight band. We are getting support in the regions and you can break a record if you can get regional radio stations and disco plays. I believe this record is a hit and the signs are there. This is a ten-year job as far as I'm concerned."

Not that big money backing is any guarantee of success. 

One of the biggest projects of this type was the launching of young Darren Burn as Britain's answer to Donny Osmond. To their eternal credit the record-buying public didn't apparently want an answer to Mr Osmond and the campaign failed. 

The pop supermarket is not a new trend. The attractively packaged mass-produced record has been a part of the industry for a long time. The early releases of Love Affair, White Plains and Edison Lighthouse for example spring to mind. 

The whole thing is justified for the makers by the fact that they still become hits, thus proving there is a demand for made-to-order records. If the public is willing - or gullible enough - to pay 50p for music created in the boardroom. Well it must be OK.

The Merlin single is blatantly, unashamedly aimed at being a big hit - that seems to have been the one criterion in making it. It has all the ingredients and as the whole thing has been done with concentrated professionalism it will probably be a hit. 

Back to Roger Greenaway: "I don't want to present this as a Monkees type of image. It's not a manufactured group in any way - these guys have all been in other bands. 

"What Merlin are about is success - reaching people. It's so wrong for opposing people to criticise. If Chinn and Chapman go out to reach a particular market at the thing they do best, and they reach them, then they're doing their job. They've filled a gap.

"When this record happens it'll be called hype but we haven't hyped anybody. Not a vast amount of money has been spent on them. It would be silly to have a tour like this without some sort of advertising. All the money that has been spent on them so far has been towards getting them on the road. 

"It's expensive but it's minimal if you think of it as a along term thing."

It may be unfair to associate Queen with the pop supermarket. The group themselves were apprehensive about appearing on Top Of The Pops and the prospect of a hit record. 

They have always regarded themselves as an album band and were concerned about being connected with the chart groups. The fact remains that they have been on the receiving end of a giant campaign to create a best-selling single and album. 

The first album had sold far better than they had anticipated and there was great excitement around Trident and EMI as the second one was being made. Manager Jack Nelson came in virtually every day to play new tracks as they were completed and many discussions followed on which one should be released as a single. 

A special meeting was held between Bagnall, Fowler, marketing manager Paul Watts and a few others to discuss the approach to the release of "Queen 2."

"We talked about the possibility of boxing the album, and other various publicity and posters needed to produce an album we were convinced was going to be one of the biggest of the year. We set a high target for it. 'Seven Seas' isn't a housewives' record so with the daily shows like Edmonds, Blackburn and Hamilton, there's no chance of getting it played, we knew that from the start. But the weekend shows - Rosko, Henry, and D.L.T. - they all flipped over it. I took the records round personally because I felt so strongly about it."

The prime plug, however, is Top Of The Pops. If a record gets exposure on that there is a more than even chance that it will become a hit. He played it to the show's Robin Nash and a couple of days later Nash phoned him and asked him where Queen were. Later he rang back and invited Queen to do a session. 

The band weren't too sure whether they wanted to do it but eventually agreed although even then they didn't know until the last minute whether it would be used because they were half expecting a David Bowie film to arrive and take it's place. But in the end Queen were shown and "Seven Seas Of Rhye" moved dramatically from there. 

"A lot of people have invested an awful lot of time and money in this band but not as a hype," says Bagnall. "The only truth in the music business is that if a band isn't good, no amount of money will get them to make it."

Greenaway may be right that Merlin are one of the most exciting bands to merge since the Beatles. Fowler might be right that Queen are one of the best since the Who. But big business still remains one of the sadder aspects of the music industry today. 

----------

Huge thanks to the anon who brought this to my attention, since I’ve been looking for a copy of this article for ages now! 

Credit for the original scans goes to @Chrised90751298 over on twitter, though I stitched it back together into a single image for ease of posting over there. Open the image in a new tab to see the full-size version!

[det-loki]

poison & wine part four

And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her

But what happens when karma turns right around to bite you?  

warnings: angst, cursing

pairing: detective loki x fem reader

word count: 3,000

A/N: I don't know why I struggled with this chapter so much but I did. I finally got it to a place that makes me happy though. Again, feedback is welcomed. Enjoy! 💕

1  2  3   ⌽  5  6 

You woke up feeling like death. Your brain was pounding against your skull, eyes sore, body aching, screaming for you to rest. You had no time to rest though. You sprawl your arm, reaching to the opposite side of the bed to hopefully find Loki but to no surprise, it was already vacant and cold. You rolled over to the bedside table, glancing at the clock, 5:46 A.M. You've got to be fucking kidding me. 

You stumbled blindly into the kitchen, your feet still heavy with sleep. Every step you took, your body screamed at you to lay back down, stars floating across your vision. You found David sitting at the kitchen table in his work clothes, sitting in silence, rigid. As you walked closer, you took notice of what was in his hands. A photo album. 

You almost collapsed on the spot, knees wanting to give out on you, your breath catching on your throat as you inhale sharply. Tears prick your eyes and your lip quivers as you step closer to David and the photo album. 

Reaching David, you lay a shaking hand on his shoulder, not daring to peer at whatever photo he was looking at. You knew which photo album it was, the bright pink making your brain foggy, the album stood out like a sore thumb in the minimal gray of the kitchen. You knew if you saw any of the pictures you wouldn't be able to get out of bed for a month. David jumps slightly at your touch, snapping the album closed, a hand coming up to wipe away tears that had fallen down his face. 

You moved from standing behind him to sit next to him, your hands finding each other as you sat down in the wooden chair, your body sighing in relief at the position.

"What are you doing, Loke?" Your voice came out as a rasp, crackling and chipping, sounding like sandpaper, disturbing the silence in the kitchen. Your voice sounded as broken as you felt.

"I needed to see her. Remember what we're fighting for. I-I was starting to lose her, her- I was starting to forget what she looked like. What kind of father is that, huh? What kind of father does that make me?" Loki's voice was rough with emotion, each word was a knife through your heart. He was the best father to your little girl, she had him wrapped around her finger since the day she was born. He was soft and tender with her, terrified of breaking her. After finding out you were pregnant, Loki went on a spiral of how he couldn't be a father, he didn’t know how. His childhood was nowhere near ideal, in and out of foster homes and juvenile detentions, his parents a figment of his imagination. He said he couldn’t be good and decent, claiming he was broken and corrupt. The first ultrasound appointment snapped him out of it, tears welled up in his eyes as the sound of your baby's heartbeat filled the room, his hand intertwined tightly with yours.  There wasn’t a thing in the world  he wouldn’t do for her, the line didn’t exist. You knew somewhere in that photo album there was a picture of him with a pink crown on his head as your little girl was in his arms laughing. The memory caused a fresh wave of pain to hit you. 

"That makes you a grieving father who is in pain, Loki. Don't- please don't do this to yourself. She wouldn't want that for you. Or for either of us." The last thing you wanted was for David to fall down the spiraling hole of self-hatred. You could barely keep your head above water and you didn’t want him to drown with you. He deserved better.

"I know. I know. I just miss her. So fucking much, Y/N." David’s voice broke, crackling like static on a radio. 

"I know." There was nothing else to say, your brain was a jumbled mess, thoughts not making sense. You knew. 

"I went to her grave last week. I wasn't planning on it, I just ended up there. I'm sorry for not telling you, but it felt like something I needed to do alone. And then this fucking case, it doesn't feel real, it can't be a coincidence. It's like the universe knew." His words didn’t upset you, if anything it made you happy, he hadn’t visited her in a long time, he just wasn’t ready and you didn’t want to force him. You visited her regularly, in hopes to apologize or make things right, you didn’t know. The fact that he went made your heart warm temporarily, the cold would creep back in again eventually. 

"David, I'm not mad at you for visiting our daughter. I think that's good. I just- this case is eating us alive. We have to make it out of this alive, promise me we will." You needed to hear it, your ears, and heart desperate for a lifeline. Desperate for a life to come back to after this case ended. If it ever did.

“We will. I promise you we will.” David brought your hand to his lips, kissing the back of it, brushing over the small black ink of a snake on your middle finger. You hoped he was right.

Hours later, you sat at your desk reading over the autopsy report of the man found in the priest’s basement. Nothing. Your phone rang loudly in front of you. It was David. You pick it up, nestling it between your ear and shoulder as you reread the report.

“Hey, I’m out here at a house on Fairmount Circle, the house the RV was parked in front of. It’s only been on the market a couple of months. I’m gonna track the owners down, see if they know anything. You got any new info on that corpse we found in the priest’s basement?”

You sighed into the phone, “No DNA, dental or fingerprint matches.”

“Nothing.” David replied in a monotonous tone, sounding fine, a stark difference than he was this morning. He was compartmentalizing, a little too well. You hated it when he did that.

“Priest is sticking to the story, too.” You had gotten report from a fellow detective who took the case, informing you about the priest’s questioning. 

Loki scoffed into the phone, frustrated, “All right.” 

You look up from your computer to see David walk into the station, walking to his desk opposite from yours. He sat down and immediately started typing. A few minutes pass before he looks over, eyes finding your hunched form, “Come here.”

You rose from your desk, your vision exploding with stars as you made your way over, leaving over his shoulder to read whatever he had been looking at. 

The headline read: “Conyers Boy Disappears” dated August 31st, 1987. Barry Milland, age seven when he went missing from his family home.

David spoke below you, “ Let’s go.” You already knew where you were going, to contact the mother of still missing Barry. 

You stood in the living room of Mrs. Milland’s home, Loki next to you as she sat in a recliner in front of a TV playing an old home video of Barry. Your fingers dug into your thigh and Loki’s hand was clamped over his mouth, the universe was playing with you, the tape that was playing was mocking the both of you, teasing you for the fact that you have done the very same thing as she was doing now, clutching onto the last good memories. 

“Same person who took him took those girls. I’m sure of it.” Mrs. Milland’s voice shook with age as she spoke, eyes never leaving the screen.

The tape temporarily faltered, screen going static before returning to normal, “Wearing out the tape, I guess. I watch it every day after breakfast. It’s the only video I have of him.” She sighs before continuing, “It was before your time. 26 years ago, August 19th. I took a nap in the afternoon, and when I woke up Barry was gone. No one could ever tell me what happened to him. He was playing in the front yard, just a few feet from where they sat that RV was parked.”

God, you wanted to scream. Playing in the front yard and then gone. You were familiar with the pain and shame in her voice, you felt the very same thing every single day. 

She speaks again, ripping you away from your thoughts, “What do you think that means?” 

Loki raised his eyebrows, shaking his head as he looked at the carpeted ground, “I’m more interested in what you think that means.” 

She shook her head, eyes still trained on the screen, “I don’t think we’ll ever know. It’s just like Barry. No one took them. Nothing happened. They’re just gone.” 

You bit your lip so hard you tasted blood, fingers digging harder into the jean covered flesh of your thigh. Gone.

You and Loki sat in the car silently, digesting what you had been told by Mrs. Milland. 

"Why are we doing this, David?" You weren’t referring to where you were, rather than what you were. How you got to this point in your life, why?

"What? Here?” David looked at you, confused.

"No. This. This job. This case. Is it to avenge her? Justice? Bring peace to other families like we couldn't have? I love my job, don't get me wrong, but I can't but help but question why is it this case? Why us?” You looked out the car window as you spoke, not catching David’s gaze.

"I don't know. I don't know, but we will get through this. I'm here, Y/N.” There was never a moment David wasn’t there for you, and vice-versa. You both knew each other better than you knew yourselves, able to take care of each other better than you could take care of yourself.

Loki’s phone buzzing in the cup holder made you jump, the bubble that had formed popping, David grabbing for the phone, reading whatever text he had been sent, “We might have something with the priest.”

You stood in the hallway, awaiting Detective Chemelinski to escort you to the priest’s interrogation room as David shifted his weight nervously. The fellow detective showed up, motioning for David to follow. Loki looked at you with mild panic in his eyes, silently pleading for you to follow. He didn’t want to face the priest alone. The memories would be too toxic for him to face without you. You nodded your head reassuringly, following David and Detective Chemelinski into the interrogation room Father Patrick Dunn was being held in. 

Loki walked in first, you next, and Chemelinski last. You leaned against the wall as Loki greeted Dunn, “How you doin’, Father?” 

“I’m...I’m- getting better.” Father Dunn avoided eye contact with everyone, eyes set on the table in front of him.

Loki sat across from him, “So Detective Chemelinski tells me that you have some specifics about the crime you claim that guy committed. The abductor.”

The priest nodded, “He was...waging a war against God.”

Loki chuckled, looking over at Chemelinski in disbelief and shaking his head, “Great. That’s great. I thought you said he had something specific.” Loki continued to shake his head, stammering at the other detective and gesturing in disbelief in front of him with his hands. 

Detective Chemelinski looked at Father Dunn, “Tell him how he took the kids.” If it wasn’t for David wanting you in the room, you would have avoided the conversation, rather having the information relayed than point-blank. This was too raw, images of Loki in the boy’s home feeling like a white hot poker in your brain.

“He said...he took them in the daylight.” You swore you were going to pass out, your hands beginning to tremble at your sides. You wished you were stronger, able to do your job without feeling like you were going to die from the constant resurfacing of horrific memories of your little girl. Broad daylight. Screaming.  

Why were you doing this?

The priest continued, “Sometimes...more than one child at a time.”

Loki rolled his eyes, “He said that?” The priest nodded. “-Did he say he was with anybody? He did it alone?”

“He...he said he had a family.” 

Loki sighed, “That’s it?” The priest nodded again. Loki stood from the chair, shaking his head at Detective Chemelinski, “All right.” He walked to the door, tattooed hand on the handle, glaring at the detective, “Informative.” He walked out, leaving you to briefly apologize to Chemelinski before you ran to find David. 

You found him in the locker room, sitting on the bench with his head in his hands.

You approached him slowly, “Hey, you okay?” It was a stupid question, of course he wasn’t okay. Neither of you were okay. 

He looked up at you with tired eyes, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just needed a minute. The candlelight vigil is tonight if you wanna go.”

“I do. It’d be nice.” He nodded along with your words, you turned around and walked out of the room to give Loki sometime to himself. Sometimes silence could be healing, yet you didn’t think all of the silence in the world could heal these wounds. 

You stood in front of the microwave watching your mug of coffee spin in circles. Coffee was now the main staple of your diet. It was late at the station, you and Loki being the only few still left. The temperature had dropped outside rapidly, leaving a chill in the air. Loki was outside turning the car on so it would be heating up as you poured coffee in a thermos. 

You walked outside with thermos in hand, pulling your coat tighter as the wind bit through your coat. Loki was already inside the vehicle, waiting for you. You opened the passenger door, plopping down as the thermos sat at your feet. 

“You sure you wanna go to this thing?” Loki asked gingerly.

“Yeah. Do you not?” 

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to. If you’re not up for it we can go home. I don’t want you to push yourself.” Loki spoke softly as not to disturb the ambiance inside the vehicle. 

“I’m okay, David. I promise. It’ll be nice, show our respect, it’s not like we have to stay long.”

David nodded as he put the car in gear, pulling out of the police station parking lot. 

Loki pulled up to the vigil, outside of the Dover’s home. A group of people had already gathered, lighting candles, placing flowers, and teddy bears. 

You and David leaned against the car, watching in sorrow. You saw Franklin Birch double over, sobbing as his family held him. Your heart broke at the sight, you wished nothing more than to bring his daughter back unharmed. Each passing day caused unease to spread further and further in your body, day four setting a new record of turmoil.  

Time passed as people started to leave, the group diminishing slightly. Beside you,  Loki put on a stocking cap and rubbed his hands together for warmth. He still refused to wear gloves.  He abruptly pushed himself off the car, walking closer to the vigil, obviously taking notice of something you didn’t. You walked next to him slowly, unsure of what exactly he was doing. Then you saw it, a man crouched down with his coat hood up, stroking a teddy bear that had been placed, his gloved hand gliding over it in a manner that made you uncomfortable. He looked up, locking eyes with Loki, and then stood up stiffly, Loki’s eyes following every move. The man glanced at you and then turned away. Loki walked closer, trying to trail him as the man continued walking away. You had an inkling that he was going to run, so you turned around towards the car as Loki made his way through the crowd. 

Looking over your shoulder, you saw David take off in a dead sprint. Fuck.

You opened the driver’s side door of the car and sat down, grabbing the radio from the console. 

“Dispatch, this is 13-43, we have a police pursuit on foot, 13-40 is responding.  ”

The radio crackled to life, “10-4 detective, we have patrol rolling your way.”

“10-4” You sat the radio down, now all you had to do was wait for Loki to either come back or for him to call you to come get him.

30 minutes later, Loki came into view, slightly limping. He walked up to the car as you got out of the driver’s seat, “You should have stretched.”

Loki shrugged past you, “Yeah, fuck off. Now get out of my spot.”

You chuckled slightly as you walked around the car and pulled the door open and sat in your designated spot. Loki grabbed for the radio with his non-dominant hand, “Dispatch, this is 13-40. Pursuit has ended, the offender fled. Put a BOLO out, description will be given by an officer.”

Loki sighed heavily as he put the radio down, hand coming up to rub his right shoulder, “What happened, David?”

“The fucker jumped on me from a tree. I’m fine.” You rolled your eyes, Loki could be mauled by a bear and thrown into the ocean and he would still say he was fine. He was even more stubborn than you. 

You got home that night at 2 A.M., going to the station after the vigil for David to write up a media release on the guy that ran and to give a description. You tried to get David to let you look at his shoulder but he refused, claiming he was fine, even when moving it he winced slightly. 

That night you slept restlessly, dreams of hospitals and antiseptic haunting you. Making you question everything.

tag list: @lexie-wayland @whew-oh-em-gee @winterlavenderskysworld @buck-this-nasty @heeyirenee @pinkpunkdynamite

[mirismuffins-ovo]

Plant palace pt 7🌿

[background: the plant based girls John has age twice as fast as a human,John ran off to go raise them at an abnormal camp his mother leads. He’s been gone two years and working as part of the abnormal rebellion and rights activist.] [this is also where I’ve decided I’d rewrite some stuff in the future,but I’ll let you guys read the first part of this before I work through it again] [first part is kinda narrative]

John's heart hurt to leave the man he loved,he wanted to raise these small little babies with Eddie but things went sideways. John and Henry stopped by the house grabbing supplies and raising the babies there for a while,until they were tracked down by the government. Escaping to a hideaway,a camp where abnormals were safe and rebelled trying to fix the outrageous laws of America. As time went on the rights of Abnormals had gotten better,after riots and protests. John raises his little girls alongside his mom. She’d become an important person in his life more than ever,helping with the babies. The little ones blooming with gorgeous pink petals and hair,John letting his own flower like features grow too. John had freed and protected abnormals with his mother, learning more control over his abilities and discovering new things he never knew he could do. Abnormals had finally gained some rights in some more progressive states,no longer needing to hide in some states. The girls were (2) 4 years old now,he’d kept up with Eddie's online following and career, proud of him for taking off. John would listen to Eddie's album Greenhouse,he recognized the song Eddie sang when they first found out about the babies,it was the most popular one. John would always tell his little girls about their dad,showing them photos of him performing. He missed him and to the point it hurt. John's family could recognize that,and John discussed that he should finally go back. It was time for John to come back home.

Now Eddie.

2 years. It has been 2 years since John has left. In the beginning, he was questioned by the government but he gave half truth answers. Yes he was with John. No he didn’t know he was an Abnormal, thinking his boyfriend was able to have kids. No the kids weren’t his, John was already pregnant when they really got official. But because they weren’t giving him the answer, he was held for 6 months for harboring an Abnormal before being let go.

After that, he explained everything to his band and how this album was going to be it. He didn’t want to make music after. They supported his decision but helped him finish the album. He had songs named after the girls, after his time at Plant Palace, the short months he was with John. Be saved the best for last. The last song on the album, which he named “Greenhouse” was called “Eden.” It was an Ode to John, thinking that no one would even get to the end of the album.

But instead people found out and it reached #1 on the charts for a solid year. He was able to go to concerts which sparked his love for music again, but he couldn’t listen to the album himself. He refused to. He would play other music in his earbuds when he was in public in case Eden came on.

He ended up moving further into the city now that he made good money off his record sales and a couple of EPs. Bitty came along with him, the cat too sweet to part with and he had a feeling John would want him to watch her. The anger he first felt after discovering John ran had faded away and he accepted it. The younger man did talk about trying to find his people to help raise the girls, but Eddie wanted to do that. He wanted to be the cool dad.

Life moved on. Eddie moved on, but still held a special spot for John, if he ever got to see him again. He even picked up a new kitty who he named Leafy. Bitty was happy to get a cute little brother and it kept her occupied. Eddie was happy.

*****

Eddie yawned as he started to make his way home from another band practice. He and his band got the idea to write themselves each a song that they could relate to in the future. They might not make sense now, but they should when they’re older and split apart. It was late and all he wanted to do was hop in the shower, order some take out and pass out with the kitties on his lap.

While on his way home, he felt a tingle down his spine. Although it was night time, and he was walking alone, it was odd that someone might jump him, or it was local paparazzi following him to see if he had a special someone since his female fans were dying to know. So he stopped and waited for the heavy footsteps to stop.

“I’ll give you 5 seconds to turn around before I face you and deck you. I’m not in the mood for interviews or dealing with your shit.” He grumbled. He wasn’t the happy-go-lucky young band member anymore, he was a man with heartache.

There wasn’t a sound behind him, signaling the person to walk off or speak up. Eddie turned around, preparing for a recorder shoved into his face when his entire world stopped.

John stood there,he hadn’t heard Eddie's voice in a long time,at least when he wasn’t singing. His voice sounded tired and moody but it didn’t change how he felt when Eddie turned around. John had his hood up but he took it off when Eddie turned to face him. A shy half smile on the smaller man's face as he stood a few feet back from the singer. “Hey Eds…” John's hair was a little longer than before,not by much but it was longer;John looked pale,tired like an overworked parent but the energy about him was slightly different.He slowly approached Eddie hesitantly taking a step forward,he didn’t know what he should say. There was so much to apologize for,him running off with the babies not even a thing as a text and gone for two years. “It’s been a while...but since when did you cuss?” John tried to clear the air with teasing as he combed his fingers through his hair. His gaze flicking between staring at Eddie and at the ground attempting to hide the tears that glazed his eyes. Johns soft voice trembled the entire time.

Eddie felt like he died when he saw John.The anger he thought that went away was back. He clenched his fist and just looked at the younger man in front of him. He wanted to shout, scream, and yell, but instead he just turned around, continuing to walk to his house. He could hear the footsteps follow him as he got closer to his house only for him to stop again.

“I promised I’d be there…” He spoke, his voice getting ready to break. “But you went and broke that promise for me.” He turned to face John, tears falling, and screaming, letting his emotions loose. “You took my fucking kids! You ran from me instead of facing this together!”

John had expected something like this but it still made his insides shake. John couldn’t help but erupt with tears and watched the man in front of him go off.

“You think I wanted to leave you?...WATCH YOU FROM A DISTANCE?!?” His voice had turned into a yell,John never raised his voice.

“What do you think would’ve happened if I stayed there waiting, Eddie? The hospital called the government on me,they would’ve taken our girls! Would you rather me and the girls in a facility being experimented on?! Getting tortured?” He sighed frustrated still crying “I’ve counted the days..you don’t think I talk about you to them,do you think I haven’t listened to your album about our kids every day??”

He wiped his face shaking and turned to look away. “I get it..okay...I’m so sorry I left,but I warned you Eddie. I told you that it was dangerous and when I tried to contact you I found out you were detained for ‘harboring an abnormal’.” John took out a photo,it was a Polaroid. It showed the babies who’d begun to bloom their flowers.John was holding them in his lap,they were toddlers now and all dressed up,his mother was standing next to him holding one of the toddlers. He held it to Eddie “here..”

“I told you I would fight tooth and nail for them! I was so ready to take your place in a facility for your freedom.” Eddie was crying too.

Eddie wanted to argue more, but John silenced him by handing over the picture. It was a photo of John holding all three of the girls, and a larger woman behind them. He laughed quietly, so happy to see them and how big they had gotten.

“Why now? Why did you come back. When I saw that you left, I figured you’d be gone forever.”

John sighed staring at the cement “the governor passed a law here that abnormals living in human city’s are no longer illegal. That and...I missed you.” He glimpsed at Eddie,John's eyes looked tired. “They’d caught up to me last year and I was held in a facility for two months,my mom and Henry took care of the little ones... I broke out with the help of some other abnormals.” He crossed his arms and wiped away some more tears. John felt bad he’d not been there for Eddie. “I would’ve come back sooner if I could Eds,and I know you're mad but you have to know I didn’t leave willingly.The girls ask all the time when they can see they can see their-…you” John sighed fearing Eddie wouldn’t want to rekindle their relationship. He dreaded he wouldn’t want to see their daughters.

Eddie was surprised at all the new information, but also wasn’t. He heard about Abnormals allowed to live among humans, but there was still no law about living with them or loving them. He kind of rolled his eyes at that.

“So you’re a fugitive?”

John stayed silent.

Eddie sighed. “Look, as much as I would love to see our daughters, I can’t just easily accept you into my life again. You broke my heart and how will I know if you won’t do it again? Maybe the world was right that we, Abbies and Humans, aren’t meant to cohabitate with each other.” Eddie sniffled, taking his jacket and rubbing his eyes.

John looked like he was about to say something but Eddie held up a hand.

“Not tonight… I need time…” He turned to continue walking to his apartment.

Once inside, Bitty and Leafy greeted him with happy meows, but Bitty knew. She knew that her cat dad was near Eddie. He closed the door, set his guitar aside and leaned against the door, sliding down to the floor. He held his head in his hands and let the tears fall.

[myemergence]

take me back to the start

Title: take me back to the start Author: @myemergence Rating: E (for one smut scene, later in the fic) Artist: @benjaminrussell Artwork: MAGAZINE COVER and MUSIC VIDEO Warnings/Triggers: mentions of alcoholism, mentions of OC character death, car accident Notes: Thanks to @marcia-elena for the beta on this. I so appreciate all the work you put in! Written for @buddiebigbang. And the artwork is amazing! I love them so much, Holly! Summary: Country music star, Eddie Diaz, is on a break before his US tour when he gets unexpected news: he has a son. He needs to come home to his hometown in West River, TX right away. He hasn’t set foot there since he left for Nashville nine years ago, leaving his old life behind. West River is the last place that Eddie wants to be—he needs to focus on his career, and his tour—not looking after a kid that he doesn’t even know yet.

Crossing paths with his high school sweetheart, Evan Buckley, who’s now a Deputy with the sheriff’s office just might change all of that, reminding Eddie of the person that he used to be… and the kind of person that he wants to be.

Read the whole thing here: AO3 LINK

*

The thing about being a musician and wrapping up a big tour is that it makes the time afterward to unwind and let loose even more rewarding. Taking the time to ground himself before hitting the road again has become essential for Eddie, an integral part of his process. 

This time, there’s no unwinding. As soon as the last concert in the tour ended, he boarded a red-eye flight from Los Angeles into Houston. And he’s tired, a feeling that’s not exactly foreign to him, but he feels weary down to his bones. He’s headed back to West River, Texas, about fifteen minutes outside of Austin, where he was born and raised.

A place he hasn’t as much as set foot in for nine years.

Eddie blinks blearily as he pulls his rental car up to the drive-through at Dunkin for a much needed coffee. He’s within an hour of West River, but he’s going to need something to power through the last hour of his drive as the sun is beginning to rise over the expanse of otherwise deserted small-town Texas that surrounds him.

It’s so quiet out here that it’s almost unnerving.

“Good morning, sir. That’ll be $3.27.” The dark-haired girl at the drive-through window can’t be more than eighteen. 

“Morning.” He holds out his phone so that she can scan his payment.

“Aren’t you…” She trails off slowly, eyeing him suspiciously. 

Eddie adjusts the trucker hat that he’s wearing, despite the fact that the sun hasn’t become a hindrance yet. He’d put the hat on before he pulled up to the drive-through only a couple of minutes ago. He knows that he’d be nowhere without the support of his fans, but he’s exhausted. He just wants to get to his abuela’s so that he can fall into bed. He’s tempted to drag a hand over his face and beg for his coffee.

“Eddie Diaz.” He introduces himself with a winning smile. He’ll try to find time to rest later. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Rosie. I-I can’t believe I’m preparing Eddie Diaz’s coffee. Nobody is going to believe me,” Rosie practically squeals, her face flushed as she fumbles with scanning his phone. “Here, um,” she steps away from the drive-through window momentarily and comes back with a pastry bag along with his coffee. Simple like always: black, with 2 sugars. “For the road. Gone Now really helped me through a hard time, when I lost my grandpa—and you wrote it about yours.”

Eddie’s smile becomes more genuine as he takes the coffee and muffin from the girl. He’s sure he looks like a mess, with blood-shot eyes and bags under his eyes. “I think most people have forgotten about that song. That was on my debut album.” He’d written that song what feels like a lifetime ago.

Like he was a different person back then than he is now. He supposes that in some ways, he was.

“I was only thirteen when it came out,” Rosie says. “I hope you make more songs like that. Your new stuff is great, but… that’s definitely my favorite. Anyhow, I won’t keep you, I’m sure you’ve got somewhere to be.”

“I do,” Eddie confirms, reaching over into the top of his duffel bag that’s resting on the passenger seat. “It was really nice to meet you, Rosie.” He hands her one of the signed albums that he carries with him, a simple thank you that he likes to have for those truly special fans. “It’s not my debut album, but I do hope you’ll enjoy it.”

Eddie offers her a parting wave as he pulls away, and tosses the hat that was his poor attempt at disguise onto the passenger seat. He takes several sips from the steaming coffee, then sets it in the cupholder, wincing as the heat nips at his tongue, hoping that the caffeine will help keep him alert for the rest of the drive home.

Before he pulls onto the road, he scrolls through his phone, pulling up his debut album on Spotify and pressing play, a wistful smile crossing his face. He’s trying to put a little space between him and the reason that he’s coming home to West River; Rosie’s words remind him, at least for a moment, why he started making music in the first place. He hears the familiar opening chords and pulls out onto the quiet road.

There was a time when not a single day

Went by without us talking

And now I can barely remember your face

We’d spend hours weaving words

And guitar notes together

Just you and me in the music’s embrace

But you’re gone now, you’re gone

All those moments lie six-feet deep in the ground

You’re gone now, you’re gone

I keep missing you ‘cause you’re not around

He knows he can’t live in this world of make-believe for long. He can’t pretend that what matters is his connection to the music anymore—he stopped writing his own music long ago. But it’s nice to remember, even if those moments are fleeting.

*

Eddie pulls into the same gravel driveway that he used to skid his bike tires on as a kid. His abuela still lives in the same house she did back then, only a few doors down from his childhood home. His parents moved an hour north about five years ago. Eddie’s stomach flops a bit, and he tries not to dwell on how little he talks to them these days, or their lack of support over the years.

 He drags himself out of the rental car and grabs his bag out of the passenger side, leaving the rest of his luggage in the trunk. Before he can even make his way up the short drive, his abuela steps out onto the porch.

Eddie yawns into the crook of his elbow, then makes his way up to her. “Hey, Abuela,” he murmurs, pecking her on the cheek.

“Eddie,” Abuela says. She welcomes him with a crushing embrace, and he smiles as he hugs her back. She pulls back just enough that he can see a fire in her eyes; he already knows what that means, so he remains silent until she spits it out. “You were supposed to call me back so I knew you were doing alright.”

“I told you I have you listed as my emergency contact. If anything happens to me you’ll be the first one they call,” Eddie teases with a laugh.

“Edmundo,” she scolds, swatting his arm, and he watches as her jaw tenses under his name.

“Okay,” Eddie acquiesces. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll be more cautious next time and call you. But Houston to West River isn’t a long drive.”

“Shannon—”

“Can we talk about this later?” Eddie asks. “I haven’t slept in over twenty-four hours. I just need a couple of hours and then I promise we’ll talk, okay?”

“But, Eddie—” Despite the fact that he’ll probably be reamed for not turning his full attention to her, Eddie pushes the door open and steps inside. He stops in his tracks as his eyes catch sight of the figure who’s settled at the table, and his duffel bag drops to the floor. He feels abuela’s hand on his shoulder. “This is—”

The pretending is over.

“This is Christopher, your son.”

*

Eddie knew coming back home to West River wasn’t going to be a vacation in any sense of the word. He knew what would be waiting for him; baggage so heavy that it had the ability to destroy his entire career. The dream that he’d risked everything for, that he’d given up everything for.

This is Christopher, your son.

Abuela’s words echo in his ears.

Sure, there had been a few phone calls beforehand, warning Eddie of the kid’s existence after Shannon had shown up at Abuela’s with the boy. That hadn’t prepared him for this moment at all.

What the fuck is he going to do?

The temptation to drop by the hole-in-the-wall bar downtown to take the edge off is there. Instead, he tells Abuela he has to take care of some things and he disappears. He just needs to drive around for a little bit to clear his head. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do.

A kid will ruin everything.

How could Shannon keep this kid to herself for years, not mention a word of his existence, and then just drop him off and leave like he’s somehow now Eddie’s responsibility?

Eddie unrolls the window, letting the evening air hit his face as his foot presses down more firmly on the gas pedal.

Take care of it. You only have a few months until the tour.

Fuck all of this.

These backroads are so familiar, and there’s something comforting in driving down them late at night, when the rest of the town is quiet. It reminds him of those late nights when he and Buck would—

Eddie stops his thoughts short, the ache in his chest just as familiar as these roads. Buck.

What are the chances that in a town of a few thousand people he won’t run into Evan Buckley? That’s even if he still lives here. Eddie shakes the notion from his head, refusing to allow himself to get nostalgic about the past. A past that revolved around Buck.

Right now, he needs to focus on how he’s going to fix his life—before it becomes a public relations disaster.

Pressing down on the gas harder, Eddie gets lost in the feeling of the cool night air hitting his face, saving him from his downward spiral and memories of Buck.

Unfortunately, the moment is short lived. Red and blue lights flash in his rearview mirror amidst the otherwise stark darkness of the night. With a sigh, he pulls over to the shoulder of the road.

*

Buck climbs out of the cruiser and closes the door, walking up to the driver’s side of the out-of-state car. “Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” He quickly scans the inside of the vehicle, assessing if there are any passengers that he needs to be aware of before settling his sight on the driver.

Of all the people he could’ve had the unfortunate task of pulling over tonight, somehow it’s Eddie Diaz. He studies Eddie’s face, tipping his head to the side as his identity registers with Eddie. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Buck.”

It’s like he took the words right out of Buck’s mouth, because really, what are the fucking chances? After nine years Eddie somehow still has the ability to make Buck’s heart thunder in his chest merely by saying his name. His jaw tightens as he looks at the country music star in front of him.

“It’s Deputy Buckley,” Buck tells Eddie, his voice tight. “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“This has to be an actual nightmare,” Eddie mutters, though Buck’s sure at this point that he’s talking to himself.

“License and registration.”

“Evan—”

“I said, license and registration. Don’t make me ask again. I’m going to suggest that you actually listen this time if you don’t want to end up in jail for the night.”

Eddie’s mouth snaps shut at Buck’s words. “I’m gonna grab the registration from the glove compartment.” He opens the glove box and hands over the paperwork, along with his license.

“Yeah, didn’t think you’d want that news story,” Buck mutters as he takes the documents and inspects them. He obviously knows that it’s Eddie, and he already ran the plates and knows that it belongs to a rental in Houston. He hands the paperwork back to Eddie. “Watch your speed, because next time I’m not going to be this nice,” Buck warns.

“This is nice?” Eddie actually has the audacity to laugh at him. “Seems more like you’re Deputy Dick to me.”

Buck’s lips press together into a tight line. He’s used to not being well liked while on the job—but it feels harsher coming from Eddie. “You know, I could still take you in tonight, if that’s what you want.”

Eddie shrinks under the words, and what he says next sounds sincere. “You know that’s not what I want.”

The same words that Eddie had said to him all those years ago, at the end. Buck feels his chest fracture down the middle, a reprise of the heartbreak that Eddie left in his wake.

He forces himself to school his expression despite the way he’s feeling. “Have a good night, Eddie.”

He doesn’t wait for Eddie to respond, turning sharply on his heels and walking away from the man that’s had his heart all along.

*

“You know, I don’t really think that this qualifies as guys’ night,” Buck says as he looks across the card table at Chimney, taking a sip of the lemonade in front of him. 

 Chim raises his brow a little, glancing in the direction of the living room. “You’re my brother-in-law,” Chim says, “and I’m not sure how to say this delicately, so I’m just gonna say it. If there’s one Buckley I’m trying to make happy right now, it’s not you, Buck. I’m trying to get in her good graces after the bottle rocket incident.”

Josh snorts from where he’s sitting, bringing the beer up to his lips.

“I’m not going to be the one to tell my wife that she needs to leave so we can have a proper guys’ night,” Chim adds.

“You would never say something to Maddie, and not just about guys’ night,” Josh challenges, his brows shooting up.

“I’m sorry, was that a complaint I just heard? Because I’m pretty sure that the last time you hosted a card night your mom showed up,” Chim points out.

“And Buck’s place—”

“Has constant interruption. I know, I know.” Buck rolls his eyes dramatically. “Are you gonna deal us in, or what?”

“Mads, were you gonna join us?” Chim calls helpfully into the other room, and Buck glares at him.

Maddie lifts herself off of the couch and walks out to the dining room table where they’re all situated, grabbing the bowl of chips from the counter and pulling up an empty seat. “I don’t want to play, but I’d love to talk to you guys.”

They really need to start finding different circles of friends, at least for nights like tonight. It’s not as if Buck’s going to tell his pregnant sister to go away, so instead he smiles. “We’d love it if you talked to us, Mads.”

“Really?” She grins, and Chim looks at Buck gratefully. “So, I heard a rumor that Eddie’s back in town.”

“Pick a different subject.”

“He’s back in town and got pulled over by West River’s youngest and brightest the other night,” Chim says.

Just the mention of Eddie’s name is an unwanted reminder that he’s back in town, at least temporarily. The fact that this wasn’t a figment of Buck’s imagination sends his brain into overdrive. There’s been some speculation over the reason for his return, and Buck has done everything in his power to stay squarely on the outside of those conversations.

He’s made it clear to his family and friends since Eddie left town that there is one topic that he refuses to discuss: Eddie Diaz. A lot of the locals were around Eddie growing up, and having someone that’s famous from their small hometown is something to talk about—especially when there’s a new tour that’s announced, or when Eddie is working on a new album.

But his friends? They know that it’s a hard and fast rule, and bringing it up on guys’ night is a definite foul. 

“Guys,” Buck manages as evenly as he can muster. “Talk about something else.”

A tense silence falls over the room, and for a minute Buck refuses to look up, knowing the pity that crosses their faces any time that someone brings up Eddie. He’s tried to hide his heartbreak behind indifference, but he’s not naive enough to believe that any of them buy it. Most of them had front-row seats as they watched Buck’s hopes and dreams shatter to the ground around him, leaving a hollow shell behind.

Finally he looks up.

“Can we make an exception this one time, Ev?”

“Maddie. I don’t talk about— about this, and you know that.”

Maddie’s hand covers his, her touch light, her tone equally calm and even. “You know, this has a name.”

“Why are you bringing him up now? You know I moved on from him a long time ago.”

It’s as if Chim and Josh aren’t sitting awkwardly at the table, trying to avoid the line of fire. Even if Maddie is officially a Han now, nobody wants to get obliterated during a battle of the wills between the siblings.

“This is guys’ night,” Buck reminds her. “The one night of the week that I can unwind and relax. Instead you’re here and dredging up a past that died years ago.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I was a kid. Just a stupid kid. There’s nothing else to say. We were together and then we weren’t. He has his life now, and I have mine.”

“Maybe that’s true, but you never did move on, not really. He’s in town for who knows how long, so maybe it’d be a good chance for the two of you to talk?”

“No, it wouldn’t. And, uh, thanks for ruining tonight,” Buck mutters as he stands up from the table. This is the kind of interference he’d expect from their out-of-town parents, always assuming they know what’s best, but not from Maddie.

“Buck,” Chim warns, and Buck sighs again, shaking his head in frustration. Chim’s always been protective of Maddie, something that Buck’s always appreciated, especially after all that she endured with Doug, but tonight feels like the exception.

“I’m gonna head home.”

“Buck, you really don’t have to go,” Josh says helplessly.

He attempts a smile for what Josh is trying to do—slapping a bandage on the evening, trying to piece everything back together. Buck shakes his head. “I think it’s for the best if I go.”

Buck says his goodbyes and hops into his Jeep, driving home. He knows that Maddie has the best of intentions, and that she cares about him with her whole heart, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

When he arrives home he notices there are only a few lights left on in the house, and that the porch light is on for him. 

“You’re home awful early,” Carla says as soon as he makes his way inside, barely looking up from the little girl that’s propped against her side.

He shrugs a little, not wanting to get into all of the details of how the night quickly spiraled out of control in a way that was just too much for him to handle. “I couldn’t stand the time away from her.”

“Mhm,” Carla says in her knowing way, and Buck’s thankful that she doesn’t say more than that. She knows enough about his past with Eddie, but she’s always stayed out of that part of his life.

Buck toes off his shoes, crossing the room then and scooping Lucy up in his arms. “Hey baby,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

“She insisted I read her three stories out here and not in her bed because she was ‘not tired yet, Carla’.”

Buck chuckles at her words, feeling Lucy squirm in his arms before she settles again. She rests her head against his shoulder and he hoists her up higher so that she can curl into him. In a world where everything else is imperfect he’s able to come home and hold a little piece of perfection in his arms. Their lives have been far from easy, and there isn’t a day that Buck doesn’t wish he could be more for her.

He’s doing his best to make up for the huge piece missing from her life—the absence of her mother. Every day she helps him remember that there is more than heartbreak and loss, that sometimes there’s hope, too. He has to hold on to that.

“I’m gonna head out,” Carla says, kissing the back of Lucy’s head and giving Buck a sideways hug before leaving.

Buck walks down the hallway, glancing at Lucy’s bedroom door and then pivoting, walking across the hall to his own room and laying the sleeping girl down on the pillows, covering her with the sheet and comforter. He gets ready for bed and lies on top of the covers beside her. He knows he shouldn’t make a habit out of this and he won’t, but tonight he needs the physical proof.

He hasn’t lost everything, because he still has Lucy.

[harry-writings]

Paris and Forgiveness

- The one where Harry needs to make it up to Y/n, so he takes her to Paris

Part 1 

Part 2

Masterlist

Y/n feels like she might have been overreacting. 

Sure, she was completely heartbroken when Harry wasn’t there for her big night, but as she lays alone upon the mattress they once shared, going through all the video memories of Harry she’s stored away on her phone - she wonders if she’d gone too far.

There are so many videos of them goofing around, dancing haphazardly in the kitchen at two in the morning to throwback Britney Spears, drunk on the liquor and love - even on the weeks that weren’t so easy for them. Even when the business of Harry’s life drifted them apart, even when rumors spread about Harry constantly cheating on her, even when Harry has said all the wrong things at all the wrong times, even when she had - they always found a light together. They always brought the good out of a bad situation. They always proved their love was stronger than what could ever come between them. 

This time, it wasn’t like that. There aren’t moments quite like those that exist between them anymore. Truthfully, somewhere between her lingering resentment, she had forgotten all about these times. It doesn’t even look like them anymore. 

She knows Harry’s hurting. She knows Harry’s on the edge of bursting - he can barely stand in the same room as her without tears welling in his eyes and his palms twitching from helplessly holding back from running to her. It only makes her hurt more - it only makes things worse for the both of them, but she really doesn’t understand why the hell she keeps pushing it so much. 

He’s sorry, and every bit of her knows that. Every bit of her knows that it really was just a stupid mistake.

And her heart still aches, but she knows it’s because she’s really just not okay with what happened. 

She wishes more than anything she can just crawl back into his arms, kiss away their pain, and tell him that this month and a half has been the epitome of hell for her. That it’s okay, that it’s all going to be okay - that time heals wounds and it’s been so long since she’s been so close... and she just wants to be close again. 

But it wasn’t the first time it’s happened - it wasn’t the first time he’s put himself and his accomplishments before hers. And that night was different. That night was her night, her first chance to ever be half the person Harry is. It was her night, and he took it all away from her. And it’s been a month and a half, and he’s still done nothing to fix it. 

She can’t help but feel like she can never be enough, not for him. There’s no way she’d ever be enough. 

She’s halfway through the video album when an oddly calm, unexpected Harry swings their bedroom door open. She nearly drops her phone on her face and lets out a squeal as Harry continues walking his way across the room without even looking at her. 

“Harry!” Y/n screams, frantically getting up from their bed. ‘What are you -“ she stutters, half in bewilderment and half in nervousness he’s going to ask her why she’s sneaking in their bed when she’s meant to not act like she gives a shit about him anymore, “What are you doing here?! You’re supposed to be at your party!”

Harry seems completely unfazed by her words, keeping his back faced toward her and absentmindedly throwing random items of clothing behind his shoulder onto their bed, not giving a damn as to why she’d even be in this room in the first place. 

“Fuck the stupid party.”

It was a mutter, but it was there, spoken between clenched teeth and a tight jaw. And Y/n could have sworn she misunderstood what he just said. 

“Wha-What?” Y/n whispers, eyes wide and heart pounding, palms sweating and voice cracking with anticipation. 

What the hell is he talking about? Harry never turns down a party, in fact, he’s always the life of one. It’s what he enjoys most - drinking mindlessly with his mates, making a fool out of his drunken self during karaoke even though he has the most angelic voice on this earth, cracking the same jokes to the same people.

That was his territory - surrounded by his favorite people and living his life without the dull moments. And even though he was one of the world’s biggest popstars, always the best man in the room, it made him feel like he’s doing what normal 25 year olds do. He didn’t have to sit in a studio all night, stressed about possible unmet expectations, fingers numb from all the writing. He just, was.

And Y/n can’t help but feel bad for taking that away from him.

“I said, fuck the stupid party.” Harry responded, louder this time. Still unfazed, still not making a move to turn toward her, still throwing his shit behind his shoulder. 

Y/n blinks hard, eyebrows knit together and lips perched while she shakes her head in confusion. 

“No, I know. I heard you the first time, it’s just that I -“

And just as she was about to express how nothing about this makes any sense, her blood runs cold and the pit of her chest starts burning. It almost feels like her body can’t decide whether she wants to yell at him and scream at him and kick him to the dirt, or huddle in the corner of a dark room and be left for dead.

It hits her all at once. Him getting rid of his clothes, not being able to look at her, him sounding awfully disconnected from her, acting emotionless, and barely noticing her existence as she stands just five feet away from him. What started to not make sense is starting to make sense, and suddenly, Y/n isn’t so sure if she could handle the truth. 

He’s leaving her. He’s packing up all of his belongings, not giving her the time of day in the same way she did him, and leaving her by herself because clearly, that’s what she wants. Well, that’s what he thinks she wants - that’s what she made him believe and just that alone makes her insides crumble and get the urge to throw up all over this stupid fucking bed. 

She’s panicking. So much so that she doesn’t even know what to say - she doesn’t even know where to begin. If she loses him, she has no idea what she’s going to do. How is she ever going to survive it? Harry is her whole world, her constant breath of fresh air, her baby… the love of her life… the one person she couldn’t live her life without. 

And sure, it started out as his fault. But he would have never left her if she didn’t just talk to him, if she didn’t just sit him down and refuse to go to bed angry. 

Fuck, there was so much she could have done differently. She could have forgiven him if she had just given the chance to make it up to her. She could have at least acted like his girlfriend as the months went on. She didn’t have to be so stubborn. God, why did she have to be so stubborn? Was it really worth all this? 

This is her last time she gets to see him and it’s not even him. It’s not even the Harry she’s so desperately and helplessly in love with. He’s so disconnected and voided from her she can’t stomach it. She wouldn’t know what to do if the last image she ever had of Harry was him walking out their door, with the life he once shared with her was all shoved into his duffle bags, leaving behind the woman who’d rather spend the rest of her life alone if she can’t spend it with him. 

She’s just staring hopelessly at his back wishing now more than ever that she can just hold him to her, spend days and weeks feeding him pathetic and weak apologies. 

Now she’s the one holding every inch of herself back from him. If she thought she was heartbroken before, nothing could have ever prepared her for this. This is the worst and most disgusting sight she’s ever seen and she just wants to tear herself apart before he can. 

“Oh, no.” She sobs dryly, shaking her head from side to side as she closes her eyes and hangs her head down until her eyes open to the floor. “Are you - are you leaving me?”

She immediately regrets asking it because it can either go one of two ways: he laughs at her and mocks her for expecting anything different to come out of this, or he tells her that he still loves her and wants to work things out, but they just aren’t working anymore - that they’re too different, and they can’t keep holding each other back - that the party was just a reminder that there was so much out there for him that was apart from her.

Or what if he met another girl tonight? What if he saw her in a skin tight dress, lips painted red, lighting up the dark room with just a blink of her eye? What if she was everything Y/n wasn’t - the other life of the party, the go-getter, the one who couldn’t physically stand being in the corner of a room and watch the life go right by her. And Harry was just so drawn to the feeling it gave him - to the new emotions she surfaced in him because mentally, Y/n and Harry are done.

She doesn’t know if her already fragile heart can hear him say any of it. 

Harry’s head snaps up the second she asks, however, and quickly halts his movements before practically throwing himself around so that he can finally look at her. 

And he doesn’t now if his heart should break or if the weight should be lifted off his shoulders. She sounded so defeated, looked so lifeless at just the mere thought of him leaving her behind. He almost laughs. Why she’d ever think he could ever find a reason to walk away from the love of his life, he’d never understand. 

He could never leave her. No matter how stubborn she could be, no matter how hard she tries to kill him in her silence, no matter how difficult she is - he promised her that he’d never leave her side again, and this is a promise he never intends on breaking - one he knows in his heart he can hold his word on forever. 

He lets out a weak chuckle, making slow and gentle steps towards her until they’re just breaths apart. This is the closest they had been for so long and god, he’s already fighting for his life to find the breath she’s always taken from him. 

The most beautiful girl in the room, always. 

He hooks his pointer finger right beneath her chin, delicately lifting her head up so that his eyes could meet hers. Her eyes are red and wet, empty and voided from all emotion. It looks like the life has been sucked out of her and he swears if he ever has to see her this upset because of him again, he’s going to go absolutely mental. He loses all his senses when he sees her like this. He’d rather not see at all. 

But instead of just watching and not doing anything to stop it, this time, Harry reaches his head down until his lips touch hers. 

It’s so soft it’s almost ghostly, and so tender Y/n doesn’t even know if he’s really doing it. But her mouth is salivating at the familiar taste of his lips, and her fingers start to tingle and her throat goes numb from finally being able to kiss him again - to feel him again. It’s been so damn long, how has she been able to breathe without touching him like this? 

Just as she’s about to reach for the back of his neck and bring him in for more, Harry pulls away everso slightly before resting his forehead against hers. 

Y/n’s hands blindingly grab ahold of his, lifting his arms up until their intertwined fingers are right in between their chests. 

“Don’t leave,” she whispers brokenly, “please.” 

Harry chuckles lightly again, shaking his head against hers before slightly backing away from her and placing a gentle kiss upon her forehead. 

“I’m not, pretty girl.” He smirks, breaking away from her even further until all that’s left is one of her hands in his. “I’m not leaving. We’re leaving.”

He gives her one last glance before turning back around and going right back to the same damn thing he was doing before - grabbing his belongings and putting it all into a pile on their bed - acting as if nothing ever happened. 

Y/n is left completely dumbfounded behind him, still standing in the same spot, completely and utterly confused by his words -  eyes wide, mouth slightly agape, brows furrowed at the center with her hands shaking in question. 

Where are they going? Where can they go, when Harry needs to get his album complete and work with his publicist to start scheduling interviews? Where can they go that could possibly mend what’s broke between them? Where can they go that will make everything else disappear - the tension, the grudges, the uncomfortable silence that keeps breaking them apart? 

And again, she asks the same damn pathetic question she’s been asking him all night. 

“What?”

Harry’s deep inside their closet before he practically crawls backwards out of the corner, her suitcase in his hand. He nonchalantly walks right past her, placing her suitcase next to the pile of clothes he’s been packing since he came home. His lips are tucked between his teeth and he harshly unzips her bag until it’s laying open upon the duvet, empty and unused since her last trip from home. 

And although these plans don’t make up for all that he’s put her through, it makes up for nearly all the times she’s sacrificed her own time for his. Because nothing about this is about him anymore. It’s all about her. Her, her, her. Every second of it. 

Harry claps his hands together before rubbing at his palms, sucking in air between his teeth. He looks down at his watch before finally telling her what the hell is going on. 

“Alright, baby. Our flight to Paris leaves in 3 hours and I can’t let you be late to -“

Harry’s still talking but Y/n’s so beyond shocked she can’t make out a single word he’s saying. His lips are moving but her brain can’t process anything anymore. It’s almost as if the room is spinning and his voice has somehow started speaking under water. So much is happening so fast and her heart and head can’t handle it.

Paris? Harry hates Paris. He always has. Every time he had went for tour, or a press conference, or an interview - he would never have too much to say. He could barely stand the feel of it. It was different, a kind of different Harry just wasn’t used to, and just couldn’t understand. Paris, to him, was an overrated city with its only attraction being the romanticism that paved the way for hopeless romantics looking too hard for people other than themselves. Harry’s independent, despite the fact that he shares half of his life with Y/n, but he’s independent enough to still live by his own, even in the presence of other people.

And Paris was just not it for him. 

But it’s Y/n’s dream. Her face lights up whenever she sees the pictures Harry’s taken for her whenever she wasn’t able to join him - mouth in a smile, eyes glistening in wonder, voice squealing at the idea of her traveling to the city of love with her very own lover - sharing a kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower, going on dates at some of the most romantic restaurants, maybe even a proposal in a penthouse suite just for them.

And although Harry really, really can’t stand going to Paris, there is nothing worse than spending another day without his girl. And maybe, he just hated Paris because he wanted to be there with her, and only her. 

“What’s the matter, love?”

It’s his fingers on her cheek that brings her back to reality. 

She’s nearly panting and every muscle in her body begins to shake. She’s hyperventilating and she knows it. But it’s not from anxiety, or anger, or resentment - it’s  from all the feelings she hasn’t felt in so long, that all feel so good, so different, so completely opposite of any other feeling she’s had the past month and a half. 

And it’s the first time in what feels like forever that Y/n has a genuine, wholehearted smile on her face, and a look of pure love in her eyes. And he’s two seconds away from crying. 

Her hands absentmindedly grab ahold of his. 

“You’re taking me to Paris?”

Harry giggles with tears in his eyes, lifting their hands up in front of their shoulders while intertwining their fingers together. “Yeah, baby. I’m taking you to Paris.”

And before Harry could even blink, Y/n is jumping in the air, clapping her hands together, giggling. It’s the cutest and most heartwarming scene he’s ever witnessed in his life. And if he could put that kind of smile on her face every day for the rest of his life, he really wouldn’t mind anything else life could throw at him. 

Nothing could ever get better than this. Or her. 

“Oh, my God! We’re going to Paris! We’re going to Paris!” 

Her eyes are glistening, just like he imagined they would, and her hands are up to her mouth in complete shock. All of her wildest dreams are coming true, and getting her Harry back, she doesn’t even know what to do with herself.

But before she can think, Y/n jumps up into his arms, all of her limbs wrapping around his body. And Harry is quick to hook his arms under her legs because fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is the closest she’s been to him in so fucking long and he doesn’t ever want to let go. And even though taking her to Paris doesn’t fix everything he’s done to her, this surely is the best start he could think of. 

His knees bump into the bed frame, and he falls back onto the bed with a small thud. Y/n doesn’t mind, though, as she straddles him on their bed, her hands wrapping around his wrists and pinning his arms down while kissing all over his face, all over his lips, all over his everywhere. And Harry is living for it. Fuck, he’s really on cloud fucking nine and there’s no way he’s getting down from this high anytime soon. There’s no way in hell. Not when Y/n is back in his arms after spending nearly two months wishing she had been there the whole time.

He’s missed her lips. He’s missed her body. He’s missed the feeling of her skin against his. He’s missed the sound and feel of her breath. He’s missed her smell. Really, he’s missed everything. And he doesn’t know how the hell he’s ever going to stop crying, or get out of this bed, before their flight takes off. 

“My baby love.” Y/n whines against his lips, barely touching them as she nudges the tip of her nose against his. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, H. How did I let the both of us suffer so much when we,” she lets her hands roam down the sides of his stomach, “feel like this, together?”

His head tilts while looking up at her, letting his fingers make home on her still wet cheeks. He shakes his head against the duvet. “No, no, no, baby. Please don’t do that.” He begs. “Don’t do that to yourself. I fucked up. So, so bad. I know I did. And I fucked up more when you had given me months to fix it, and I didn’t.”

He rests his hand against her hip.

“You never left me.  Even when I betrayed you. Even when I had hurt you so bad that you could barely stand the look of me anymore. Even when I had given you so many reasons to do so. You stayed here. You didn’t leave me. And that’s all I kept doing to you, even though the thought of not being with you makes me sick to my goddamn stomach.”

He clenches his jaw tight, eyes closing, nose flaring, trying to keep it together for her because he can’t give up now. He needs her to know everything - the way he feels, the way he’s been feeling, the way he’d feel if he’s have to live the rest of his life without her. 

“I didn’t deserve you staying here with me. I didn’t deserve any of that. But I did deserve feeling like shit for this long. I really did, because I know it wasn’t even half of the pain you’ve been feeling. And if taking you to the worst goddamn city in existence makes it up to you, then I’d do it in a heartbeat. In a blink of an eye. Because you,” his pointer fingers tweaks at her nose and Y/n lets out a small giggle, “are what matters most to me. And who am I, and what am I, without you?”

Y/n’s heart is bursting with every word he speaks and she hasn’t felt this much love in her entire life. She feels it everywhere, in every bone and every fiber of her being, in her fingertips - she feels it. And how she’s gone so long without it, she’ll never understand. 

They both meet for a kiss at the same time. It’s intoxicating. It’s revitalizing, and just like it was their first time again. It never failed to take both of their breaths away - the feeling they had with one another, both physically and mentally. It was as if their souls had been intertwined since the universe had come to existence and it was only right for them to be together. Nothing else felt right in this world, and nothing else made sense, except for each other. 

When they break away, they just want to get right back to where they started. They don’t ever want to stop, not now, not ever. 

They’re both left breathless, but both so addicted to each other’s lips like it’s their own personal drug. 

“How about…” Y/n pins Harry’s arms against the mattress again, her body sliding up just a little bit farther up until her face is directly above his. “We say, fuck the packing, and stay on this bed that I’ve missed so much, until we have to leave. Then you and I will take what we need, and just buy new clothes there.”

She smirks as her lips press slowly against his cheeks again, her thumbs rubbing against his wrists, her hips slowly working against his. 

Harry’s eyes are closed in hopes to feel more of her. He’s completely helpless under her, so much so that he doesn’t even care. He doesn’t care what they do, or how they do it. Whatever she wants, he’s in. 

“‘Sides,” she breathes out, “we need to leave in an hour, and that’s all we need. Right, baby love?”

Fuck.

Paris is going to be his new favorite city. 

[callmeblake]

Kerrang Issue #1103 (Sources 1, 2)

Photo Credit: Jeremy Harris

Magazine Release Date: 2006

Issue Label: April 15th, 2006

Transcription below the cut  (translated by google from Spanish):

You're not in this alone

April 15, 2006

Kerrang April 15th, 2006

Lostprophets & My Chemical Romance 

When it comes to million dollar studios / mansions, Los Angeles, where My Chemical Romance is currently doing pre-production for their new - and as yet untitled - album, is very impressive. Built in 1920 for a silent film star, it is covered in such a way as to simulate an Asian palace, with panoramic views of the city, an outdoor swimming pool, acres of gardens, and - according to vocalist Gerard Way - a ghost that opens and closes doors and even takes baths. Gerard crawled out of bed at noon as his old friend, Ian Watkins is coming soon. He and the Lostprophets frontman will meet to discuss their future performances on 'Give It A Name' - a festival that will see them perform to 30,000 people in two days.

When Ian appears the two greet each other genuinely affectionate, talking about many things; from Gerard's art to Bono's sunglasses and, of course, the ghost guest Gerard admits to fear. The two singers are pleasant company, laughing, joking and obviously relaxed, interrupting and finishing each other's sentences as close friends usually do.

When did you meet?

Gerard: It was at the Slims, in San Francisco and Lostprophets was running a show with Head Automatica. I didn't know them, so I got on his bus and he was the coolest singer I've ever met.

Haven't you met singers before, back then?

Gerard:I had met a few, but singers are usually weird guys. They often have a 'lead singer vibe' and he didn't have one, he was so kind, respectful and personable.

Ian: We knew his manager because he had toured with bands that we had toured with. Even before the first My Chemical Romance album came out, he was already talking all day about them. He sent me the record when it came out and I used to listen to it all the time, it was fucking awesome. Did they get along immediately? Gerard: Yeah. I think everyone in both bands hit it off right away. They were down to earth guys. We hadn't met anyone as great as them, so it was a huge impression on our band that they had that attitude. Ian:

And after that, we keep crashing at events, anywhere, like in Japan….

Gerard: That is a very funny story! You have to fly everywhere when you play (at the Japanese festival) Summer Sonic; you can't drive because Japan is made of a lot of big islands. This was when he still used to get screwed. It was one of the last times that I was drunk or high, actually… Ian was in front of me on the plane and he was turning around to try to have a conversation with me, but he couldn't.

Ian: I hadn't realized it at first. I was talking about the songs on the album I was thinking about…

Gerard:… And at one point I just thought 'I can't deal with this man'. I felt really bad about that I had already thrown up more than I had ever seen in my damn life while trying to get my pills; we were sharing a bus on the way to the plane. I must have looked like the most broke asshole. I was ashamed all the way.

How often do you get together?

Gerard: I would say once every five months, maybe more often. We always collide.

Ian: Yes, when you go on tours you always bump into someone. The strangest thing was when I was in New York, having a snack ...

Gerard:Oh yeah! And we just meet! We were on our way to a place called 'Toy Tokyo', which is one of our favorite stores. We passed a restaurant and Ian was sitting there hanging out.

Ian: They came by and I was like 'Oh shit!' because it was so unexpected.

Gerard: And then we did a full US tour together and it was fun, but Lostprophets was still on the UK schedule, so they would fall asleep on the bus at odd hours and stay up all night.

Ian: That was before the My Chemical Romance record took off, so it was before they became rock stars! But it was cool because we did our own shows on off days.

Gerard:Yes, it was fun doing our shows together, because there was always the same vibe.

Do you keep in touch when you are not on tour?

Gerard: Yes, Sidekick! (controlled email senders)

Ian: You're never in yours! He used to be online all day, but now he's very cool for it.

Gerard: I think I changed my username, but I didn't tell anyone, I just hoped they would notice! So no one talks to me now!

They grew up in places as remote as New Jersey and Wales, what common areas do they share?

Ian: I think we are both working class.

Gerard:When you come from a working class place, you have to leave soon or you will be stuck there forever. Jersey is definitely that kind of place. It's very different if you live somewhere in Los Angeles…

Ian: You don't need to try here, you can go to clubs and gigs every day in LA. It is very easy to believe that you are someone in LA until you realize that there is a whole world outside. It's like the same as London and New York.

Gerard: Yes, but to come from the places that we come from; Where you have shitty jobs, you realize that you are nobody.

Ian: And if you want to do something, make a difference or at least enjoy life, you really have to work your ass off.

Gerard:What's the most shitty job you had in Wales?

Ian: I worked in Iceland. A frozen food store.

Gerard: Oh wow that's weird because my first shitty job was at a frozen food stand at a supermarket. They're both sober now, but Gerard wasn't when they first met: Did his using drugs and alcohol affect their friendship? Gerard: No Ian: I just didn't realize I had a problem! Gerard: Yes, apart from that plane trip. But even though he had a problem, I think the press made him look worse than he already was. When we did that tour together, I was already clean.

The two are working on new albums. Has either listened to each other's new songs?

Gerard: No. We haven't played anything for anyone.

People are predicting that they will both transcend the rock scene and come back with a more pop album this time. Is there any truth to that?

Gerard: I think that's what they expect us to do! On the other hand, some people may believe that our album will be more aggressive to compensate for that.

Ian: A lot of bands do that and screw themselves up. They succeed and say 'we have to prove that we are real' and confuse being real with being shit.

Gerard:That is completely true. So people might expect a more aggressive record from us, or maybe one that makes a lot less sense. But I wouldn't say it's more pop, although it's prettier.

Did you see a lot of bands growing up?

Gerard: Yes, because our only escape was to go and find the local show. There were two places that I would go, ' The Pipeline ' and ' Studio One '. The latter was completely hardcore, bands like Downset, Madball, Dog eat dog…

Ian: Dog Eat Dog! Dammit!

Gerard:The most taboo thing there was as a teenager was Slayer. The [Anti-obscenity lobby] PMRC was so big in the US that they made it almost impossible to get their records. They thought Slayer was satanic. You couldn't get WASP or Venom records, but Slayer was a sure door to evil! I remember when I got 'South of Heaven'; it made a big impression on me. Have you been in front of any other band performance? Gerard: Not in the mosh zone, but I was on the floor for Slim's once. Most of the time, I watch from the side of the stage. Ian:

Everything is ground at Slim's! That was a great show, because we met there. As I said; We got to know each other before these guys took off, and that's nice because I think meeting them after that would have been kind of weird.

So is it weird to meet bands that are already big?

Ian: Yes, because they don't care. As Gerard was saying, singers sometimes have attitudes and it is strange to meet a successful band that is still humble. I don't think My Chemical Romance would have been like that but bands get very reluctant when meeting people. They think 'you only want to be my friend because you want something.' It was great meeting Gerard before they grew up, because I know our friendship is honest.

Do things change when you get to the same level as other bands?

Ian: If we played in the US now, My Chemical Romance would top the list, whereas last time we were on them, but that's okay.

Gerard: Yes, when you go out with a band that you love, there is respect and it shows on stage. But if you play with a band that you don't respect, then you go out and destroy them.

Ian: And it's not like we release two albums at the same time. We left and their time came.

So what if both albums were out at the same time? Would they be aware of the other's sales position?

Gerard: Well we're both rock bands, but we offer something very different to people, so I don't feel in competition with these guys.

Ian:If they were assholes it would be horrible to see them get so successful, because it sucks to see idiots doing well. The only thing they do is add to your stupidity! But when you like band music it's always great to see that they do well.

Gerard: Yes, you will always be supporting your friends even if they are kicking your ass!

Ian: And if they're kicking your butt, it just makes you work harder- It's not a sour rivalry, it's a great thing -a friendship and respect.

My Favorite My Chemical Romance Song (by Ian Watkins)

I love 'You know what they do to guys like us in prison'. The first time I listened to their second album, that song grabbed me as soon as it started playing. It had some really cool changes; the way it starts off with a piano staccato, and the lyrics are fantastic. It conjured up a lot of images and I liked the fact that the verse is on the piano.

My Favorite Lostprophets Song (by Gerard Way)

It's easily 'Last Train Home'! When we were working on Three Cheers for sweet revenge, that damn video came out every five minutes and no one could help but sing it. We were saying 'Man, this is great!' I think the chorus is really beautiful. They weren't trying to capitalize on some kind of junk-young culture, the song really meant something, especially when they were playing it live. If someone is really honest with a song, it will always become a favorite song, and that one really stood out.

Translation: Liz

[tmnt-mags]

Raphael x Fem!Reader

Reader is April's little sister and meets the turtles through her. I changed the ages and timeline a bit just because I don't feel entirely comfortable writing the turtles as 15 year old kids. SO the turtles are 18 the reader is 17 nearing 18 and april is 27.

Warnings: some mention of parent death, but nothing else!

Part 1/ ??

Im still pretty new at writing fanfic and have only done a few and this is my very first tmnt one. Constructive criticism and nice things only please!

I didn't remember my dad. My mother gave birth to me a month before his death. I didn’t remember him but my big sister April did. She told me everything she could about him, all kinds of stories and old home videos. It's almost like I know him but I don’t. Sometimes it's sad and I wish for nothing more than to have some memories with him, but I’ve had a good life and have a great family. I’ve lived with my sister since our mom passed 2 years ago from cancer. I miss her a lot, but I like living with April and I love our apartment.

We both have a deep love for media. She is a reporter with Channel 6 and I started making youtube videos right around the time mom died. It was like a video diary back then and has since turned into something completely different, though there are the occasional personal diary type videos.

I was wearing my favorite oversized sweater. It was a deep forest green and nearly reached my knees. It was worn and a bit tattered in some places, but it was the coziest thing ever.. I was barefoot in the kitchen listening to April talking about the latest Foot Clan activity and thinking about the questions she was planning for some guy who worked on the docks. She had convinced her camera guy Vern to take her over there before they shot her morning segment.

“You’re gonna be late!” I called into the living room while putting some breakfastt in a container for her to take on the road.

“Thank you shorty,” She rushed in and gave me a kiss on the cheek as she grabbed her breakfast and rushed out of the kitchen again to grab her bag “I’ll either be back for dinner or late!”

“That's really specific April,” I mutter as a lean in the kitchen doorway and watch her check her purse. “Do you have your touchup bag and your toothbrush?”

April let out a small gasp and rushed back to the bathroom. She came back out with a bag, gathered her things and blew a kiss as she ran out the door. I let out a laugh and went to eat my own food.

I spent the day editing a new video. I just hit 700k last week so I was making a special video to celebrate. It had some songs that I had covered laid over a video of me painting a portrait of my mother and father. It was taken a year before he had died and they had gone on a weekend getaway in the Appalachian mountains.

I didn't look up until April burst through the door. It was already dark out and I hadn’t even noticed.

“I just witnessed a Foot Clan attack!” she called as she walked through the apartment.

“What? Oh my god! Are you okay?” I practically jumped up and followed her as she began pacing around the living room. “April? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! There I was at the docks trying to get some answers and then BAM! They were there!” She went on about the attack and then started about some kind of vigilante that fought them off.

“Vigilante? Are you serious?” She didn't answer, she just went into her room. I sat back down on the couch and tried to process what she had said. In the end I shook it off and went get some dinner ready.

Over the next few days April was hard to find. She seemed to be constantly on the move and didn't answer her phone. She came home talking about dad's old experiments and giant turtles, and over the next 2 days seemed to just be gone. The spire on the Sacks building fell and The Shredder, who was the leader of the Foot Clan, was arrested and Eric Sacks was revealed to have been working alongside him the whole time. It was a wild time for New York, and April was suddenly quiet about the vigilantes.

Time began to move on and April started talking about these 4 new friends she had that were brothers. They seemed like a fun nice group, and the stories she shared were great.

“So,” I started as we sat together on the couch, “when do I get to meet the brothers?”

April choked on her glass of white wine. “What? Meet them?”

“Yeah, You talk about them all the time! I would like to meet them. They’re all you’ve been talking about for like 3 weeks.” I said as I pushed her with my foot.

“Ummm,” April stopped to think and had a vague look of concern on her face, “I'm not sure actually. They’re pretty busy guys.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Uh-huh. If you don't want me to meet them just say so. I was just curious.” I turn my face away from her.

“No it's not that, It's just they’re kinda shy. They don’t really like meeting people.” April's face said that she was telling a lie.

“Okay.” I left it at that clearly something is bugging her about me meeting her friends.

April-

April went to spend some time with the boys, but couldn’t stop thinking about them meeting her little sister. How would she react? She thought to herself, ‘I fainted when I met them, and there are still times when it kinda freaks me out a bit. I don’t want my baby sister to get scared and I don’t want the boys to get hurt because of it.’ They had tried to act like April’s reaction didn’t hurt them, but she knew it did. ‘I just want everyone to be happy.’ She was sitting in the lair watching the boys fight and Mikey brought up their Christmas pop album again. She smiled, (y/n) loved music and often performed covers on YouTube. She was really good at it. She had even written her own songs but at this point refused to release or talk about them on her channel.

“April, is something troubling you?” The brunette turned, surprised to see Master Splinter.

“Oh it’s nothing really.” She paused, “Actually could we talk? I am having some trouble.” Splinter nodded and gestured for her to follow. Not answering the questioning looks of the brothers, they went into Hashi.

“The boys avoid this room as much as possible,” Splinter said with a chuckle, “they will not listen in in here.”

“Makes sense,” April laughed and sat down on a mat with Splinter while looking at the odd structures in the room, “I’m having some trouble with my sister.”

“Oh yes, little (y/n) she had only just been born. I believe your father brought her down to the lab twice in those last weeks.” He thought back fondly on the small soft baby that looked so tiny in the arms of her father but so big compared to him then. “ what is it that is wrong?”

“She wants to meet the brothers. She doesn’t know that they are turtles, but she knows I have new friends.” April said looking down, “ we are very open. We’re the only family we have left so we always know each other's friends. It’s a safety thing I guess.”

Master Splinter hummed and looked at April, who continued.

“She wants to meet them and honestly I want her to too! I think they would all get along so well and I think the boys would adore her. It would also be nice to know that there are 4 ninjas who would look out for her.” April sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I just don’t want the boys to get hurt. What if she is afraid of them? What if she screams and calls them monsters or freaks? What if she passes out or cries. It would hurt them so much, and I don’t want to see my sister frightened anyway.” April’s shoulders slumped and she lowered her face to look across at Splinter.

“You know your sister well? Do you think she will react this way?” The rat questioned.

“I don’t know. This isn’t exactly a situation that has ever come up before or one I ever thought I would be in.” She played with her fingers in her lap and she watched him stroke his beard.

“I think you know your sister well and know what would be the best course of action.” He smiled, “I think the trouble now will be convincing the boys to risk meeting her. I have no doubt that it will be a split crowd.”

April nodded and gave a kind of exasperated smile. She knew exactly what he was talking about. Mikey and Ralph would agree, Donnie was iffy, but Leo would say no.

“Thank you Splinter. That does actually help. Do you mind if I stay in here a bit longer?” She asked.

“Go ahead child. Take your time.” Splinter got up and left the Hashi.

April sat and thought about what he had said. She thought back to everything she knew about her sister and what she knew of the boys. If her sister could be accepting she knew that they could have a great friendship. The boys were half a year older than her and they didn't know anyone their age. It would be nice for them to have that she thought. She knew Mikey would be super friendly right away, maybe even too friendly. Donnie would be polite but wary at first and a bit excited. Raph would be happy just to meet another person, but Leo would be cold. She feared that he would be distant and unapproachable and she knew her sister well enough to know she wouldn't be able to handle that.

She took her time and eventually rejoined the brothers. She brushed off their questions with a simple: “I needed advice.” She sat down with them as they all talked and joked around. Finally Donnie brought up the perfect opportunity.

“April you're lucky you don't have brothers.” He said as Mikey bombarded him with insane ideas for gadgets.

“Well I don't have any brothers but I do have a baby sister.” The turtles all turned towards her clearly shocked by this news. “She's actually about 4 months from turning 18.”

“Woah Angelcakes, We didn't know you had a lil’ sis. Is she as beautiful as you?” Mikey said while batting his eyes at her.

“I think she is absolutely gorgeous, and she sings and does art. She’s about to be a senior in high school.” April said while leaning closer to mikey. “Shes shorter than me and has curves for days. She used to be on the dance team actually.” April laughed and Mikey threw himself back and fanned himself with his hand.

“Why haven't you mentioned her?” Leo asked.

“You never asked if I had any siblings. She was born a few weeks before my dad died.” April smiled sadly at that “She actually asked if she could meet you.”

The boys seemed to freeze at that, and suddenly all eyes were on her.

“You told about us?”. Raph asked.

“Kinda. I might have left out the part about being ninja turtles, but I told her about my new friends and she wants to meet you guys.” Raph scoffed at her answer.

“So you didn't actually tell her about us.” He almost snapped at her.

“Cool it Raph.” leo warned.

“I don't wanna be looked at like a freak. She won't want to meet us when she sees us.” he stood up and walked off. April looked at the others who all looked like they wanted to disagree and agree with Raph at the same time.

“Sorry angelcakes, I'm sure baby angelcakes is great though.” Mikey shrugged.

April sat in disbelief that they all basically said no. The lair was quiet after that and she left after they ate some dinner.

She got home only to remember her sister was spending the night at her friends house. So she had the place all to herself. She let out a sigh and poured herself a tall glass of wine and sat on the couch thinking about the events of the day. She came up with a plan as she finished her cup and decided that by the end of the week they boys will have met her baby sister. She grabbed her phone and invited the boys to come hang out at her place for once this upcoming weekend. They didn't even ask if her sister would be there.

(Y/N)-

April had gone out to pick up some pizza for a late night dinner. I had school, homework, and some video editing to do and forgot to cook. April came home late and said not to worry about it and would grab some pizza. Her new favorite place didn’t offer delivery so she went to go get it. I decided that a nice hot shower sounded good and went in. I got out as I heard the front door open and close. I made my way to my room about to throw on my favorite green sweater only to remember that It had been washed and was in the dryer. So, I wrapped my towel back around me and opened my door to head out into the living room. I walked out and looked up only to meet with 4 pairs of eyes.

“Oh my bad,” I said, turning to go back to my room only to stop and turn right back around. “Ummmm…” I trailed off not sure what to say as I stared at 4 very large, very green, oddly human like turtles, all while in a bath towel that left most of my left hip exposed.

“Oh hi (y/n). I forgot to mention I had friends coming over.” April said walking into the room. “You might wanna put some clothes on though.”

“Yeah…” I said not able to look away from the very large turtle creatures sitting in the living room.