#holy moly this was a long one. MY BAD. i rambled

[vulpixelates]

self-efficacy, wisdom, authenticity, appreciation, and prudence for Ollie, Logan, and Caerellia now plz

SELF-EFFICACY– Does the end justify the means? How to they approach their goals? Do they blame others for their own faults or admit them?

all in all, ollie is much more likely to blame herself than those around her (unless the other person in question is her mother) because you know, it's usually her fault, so why would this time be different? she can be very temperamental in her decision-making but it's less "the ends justify the means" and more "what would make me feel better right now?" however, she does try to keep an eye out for the people she cares about.

logan is extremely goal-oriented, so sometimes the ends do justify the means for her as long as she's not harming her family or her community. when she was younger i think she often shifted blame onto others before herself but mostly in a self-preservation way - she always had to be better than everyone to "prove" her "worth" to her family so i think this made her pretty defensive. though it might have been a long road to get there, she's cooled down quite a bit in that regard as an adult.

caerellia will do whatever it takes to get her way by any means necessary, the tricksier the better. there are a few groups who she won't trample over but the rest had better watch out. she has to practically delude herself into being entirely certain that what she is doing is the best for everyone in order to do so, but y'know. desperate times and all that.

[popping the rest of this under a read more bc i got VERY wordy 🙃✌]

WISDOM– Are they open to other people’s perspectives? Do they look to history and past mistakes? What kinds of internal dialogue do they have about difficult situations?

while ollie tries not to look back too far behind her, she recognizes when other people know more about things than her and will lean on them/listen to their advice before moving forward. in times of difficulty, mostly her head is just a repeat of "jesus fucking christ i have GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE."

logan has enough sense to know what she knows and what she doesn't, and understands the importance of learning from her past errors. especially now that her oldest daughter is a teenager and she realizes how much her youngest picks up on everything, it's so important to her to model emotional intelligence like this. in difficult situations, she will take about 10 seconds to panic (or a few minutes to hit someone w her shoes if the situation calls for it) and then jump immediately into problem-solving mode.

caerellia is also very aware of her abilities - and where her weaknesses are. she isn't the wisest person but she has grown up around someone who is (volusena, probably the only voice of reason in all of artana tbh) and learned the benefits of listening to others' perspectives. acknowledging past mistakes is definitely a point of contention though; she is very convinced that she can't show any weakness and being wrong is one of the biggest weaknesses to her, something that she would take advantage of in a millisecond if any opponent were to do. so that's definitely an area she needs to grow in. maybe some of lilith's temperament will rub off on her.

AUTHENTICITY– What are sub- and unconscious things that make them who they are? Who can they be themselves with, and who do they wear a mask for? What kinds of social roles do they perform?

this one is tough for ollie. i've touched on the fact that she has trouble letting people in, so i think she definitely puts on a facade for the world: she's tough, she's hard, nothing can break through her shell and hurt her. her friends can see glimpses of this though, especially people like jo, billie, and maude but especially maude. who understands a weird lesbian with trauma better than their high school art or english teacher?

to logan, i think above everything else is being a wife and mother. she became that at such a young age that it has become a huge part of how she identifies, though i wouldn't say it's a bad thing in her case. she is a person outside of it still, with a clear identity - her wife and children are just such huge parts of how she sees herself. parenthood shaped her; being gentle and loving to her children in ways she had never experienced healed her. it isn't about who she is to others or what she can do for them, it's about how she sees herself. making other people feel seen and loved is one of her favorite things.

i have answered similar questions about caerellia often so i'll give myself a pass on this one given the length of all of my other answers aoiejfaoi. tl;dr, caerellia wears a mask around almost everyone (literally) and has so much trouble taking it off that it takes her a lot of soul-searching to learn who she really is and what she wants to be.

APPRECIATION– What kind of accomplishments do they recognize? What things do they find beautiful or attractive? Which of their senses do they find most joy engaging with?

for other people, ollie is very (and secretly) impressed especially by academic and social accomplishments/traits. like, she's so fucking jealous of people who are able to be vulnerable and authentic with others so easily, or people who work their ass off to do cool things. she is really attracted to people who know who they are and what they want. and as an artist/photographer, i think sight and touch are her most joyful senses to engage with.

logan is the type of person who just loves to see people around her succeed, no matter what they're doing or if others might think it's just a small thing. she's the #1 hype woman. as for attractiveness, her type is all across the board but she heavily prefers dating butches and studs; she feels the most authentic in romantic/sexual herself when in relationships w them and i think she especially loves the romantic side of taking care of them when usually people expect them to take care of others. as for senses, god, that's a hard pick, but probably a tie between touch and taste? so much of her life revolves around food but she's a touchy-feely and tactile kinda girl too.

caerellia is most impressed by feats of power and talent, especially if it's natural. effortless. nothing is sexier to her. bonus points if there's a secret soft side, or a not-so-secret one. for senses, she'd probably chose sight, which is ironic given the profession she almost went into.

PRUDENCE– How far ahead do they plan? Are they able to strategize future potential factors? Do they go out of their way to ask for clarification, or simply assume they know what they’re doing?

ollie does not often plan ahead, at least for her own future. she definitely thinks a lot about how things could go wrong though which will surely come in handy in the days to come, and she'll definitely always ask for clarification if it's a situation where she feels comfortable.

logan is a PLANNER. she has to be with her ADHD and how busy she is, or else she'd always be running around like a chicken w her head cut off lmao. (it should be noted that she has gotten these habits primarily from her oldest daughter, who is an organized, planning queen.) i think planning is also a major source of comfort for her, though she is always ready to switch gears if something goes awry. she isn't the type to ever assume and doesn't have any ego about asking for help or clarification when she needs it.

caerellia is very similar to logan in this way: she's a chaotic ADHD girlie as well but in her situation, she has to stay on top of everything so excessive planning is how she copes. however, i think she's less adept at adapting in the moment if something goes not according to plan. despite the chaos, she's strung a little bit tightly at times. in regards to asking for clarification, often she'd rather eat her own boot than to admit that she doesn't know everything around someone she doesn't trust, harkening back to the answer for wisdom. but she grows up a bit eventually.

[chaotic-orphan]

Found fictional story/novel

So... I have found a fictional novel that I wrote over the last ten years that I had completely forgotten about, and then, once I found it again, I realised there is so much of it - like 90,000 words much of it - and it is a lot to comb through and I kind of shut down mentally when I found it but I am working more now on updates for the WIPS I have on Tumblr!

So you can Expect updates soon in:

Delirious Villain x hero caretaker,

Heroic betrayal,

Intoxicating fear (updates every Saturday) (from now) :)

Vendetta,

and, A Benignant Mischief

which are all started in the drafts!

Updates continued under cut

(*not necessary* to read as it is mostly rambles and ranting about the novel I found (and others), but I want to share some fun revelations I found while skimming it)

There are some whumpy scenes from the novel that I may post as I find them, cause some of them are very whumpy, and I enjoyed reading them~

The plot has a lot of male characters which is both interesting and annoying— interesting because I love the two brothers dynamic, even not even blood related, like two brothers joined together by fate, blood, prophecy etc. Annoying because it’s obvious that I looked at the media I was surrounded with and was like “nobody wants to read about women, if they did, there would be more women centric things” so I’ll write about boys!

Point 2 Contd. (Rant!) Obviously discounting the genre of YA dystopian fiction which was great, and populated by mainly female protagonists, and which I enjoyed, but then, were shit on by the mainstream media because GIRLS CAN’T FIGHT? Girls can’t be the main driving force of a novel? Girls suck, boo girls, unless they’re tom boys or men. Ahem, thank you for your input on teenage girl’s book choices FORTY YEAR OLD WHITE MEN :D WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT YOU

Part 2+3 contd. (the brightside!) However, the good thing about this is that I can populate the rest of the novel with strong female characters! There are a few dotted through who i dote on a bit, I love them, like come here my little beautiful minority <3

The plot centers around two brothers who get torn apart when outlaw's raid in their coastal village - actually, my newest Medieval WIP was inspired by the novel!! Same setting/vibe (as in the coastal village) so very fun

This to say that actually I think the new Medieval WIP is my brain trying to flesh the world out more and see what the average people would do in the world… but it’s a story in its own right too!

There are magic, gods, good gods and bad gods ofc, ancients, bloodlines, descendants, royalty, soldiers, outlaws, magic schools, political intrigue - like it is a mix of everything I have loved over the years which is so funny to see because clearly I haven't changed...

The dialogue?!?!? I don't think I have written like that ever, but the dialogue is so much better than the dialogue I write today and idk why? Maybe because I wrote it off a sudden throng of inspiration or something? But, fuck, how do I write like that again? I mean, without editing, because the amount of editing I had to do to make the novel READABLE wasn't funny, it took so long... it's finished now though, just the editing, NOTHING else - give me strength, I need it

Also, realised that I hate editing - is it something new? Not really, but holy moly... editing sucks, but it also?? Improves the story and fluidity so much, I should start editing my pieces before I publish and come off as far more eloquent than I do

Planning... is also so difficult - 90% of the novel is like this:

Scene X: completed Me: ah, good, that scene is written, I can move on to the next one Me, still staring at Scene X: ...move on now My brain: but what if it happened like this? PROVIDES SEVEN DIFFERENT ALTERNATE ENDINGS TO THE SCENE THAT WEREN'T NECESSARY AND NOW I HAVE TO CUT SO MUCH CRAP BUT MY BRAIN'S STILL LIKE - BUT WHAT IF?

My brain's literally like the writer's brain from Hush, such a good movie... ANYWAYS!!!!

That's the end of all my ramblings for today, was this post necessary? No, but like, I clearly wanted to get it off my chest and vent so we live, laugh, love... I hope all your days are going well :3

~ Orphan,

(P.S. - I'm toying with the idea of dropping my nickname in the bio, or doing a whole overhaul of the blog - the name, the layout... get rid of orphan, or maybe just become "nickname_the orphan", or something. But, see orphans are just so whumpy though I love a good orphan story... thoughts, ideas, waste management? I'm just dunking all my overflow of thoughts on this update today, but sure, look, be grand — I’m truly sorry if you read this far, I am having an ✨episode✨)

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Hello! Firstly I wanted to say that I'm an old fan since your overwatch days and I've always admired how much depth you're giving all the characters and relationships you touch! I'm talking like, mariana trench DEPTHS. And how confident you seem about just doing the things you enjoy and exploring the themes you want? I really respect that.

I'm having a bit of an art crisis recently and I was wondering If you could offer some advice?

I'm thinking about self-indulgence in art, particularly fanart. I like to dive in deep to expand on characters, I find it as enjoyable as creating my own work. But I fear of people getting angry at me for latching onto these characters, thay they'll say the original work wasn't THAT deep, or that I'm completely wrong or cringe or whatever. And I don't care about being right or anything, I just want to have fun here and tell my little stories? :( The fear is making me keep the work to myself and I don't know what to do. Would it be better to just enjoy it on my own?

Your blog really is goals when it comes to that, so I'll respect your opinion a lot. Thank you for your time!

holy moly thank you so much for your sincerity first of all!! Second, this is making me misty eyed ngl!! I have alot to say about this so i shall put it under a read more bc im gonna ramble

If someone cares about you fixating on your fave characters, then they're usually the fucking weirdos in this situation if they dont just block you and move on. I LOVE making shit up about my faves like i have a modern au hc that kakashi and gai are ddr competition rivals and i gave yeehan 7 dogs just for funsies!! we were in the trenches in early overwatch making up our own lore bc there was none and it was so fun

I've always been like that now that i look back bc when i first started uploading my shitty ms paint fanart on deviant art in like 2006(naruto funnily enough we've come full circle) i was still drawing cringey shit /I/ wanted to see. I don't agree with almost all of it today, but i remember the fun i had while making it, and that's really the trick. Drawing what you personally want to see then people can come and go audience wise. If they like it, they like it, if they dont? oh well! There's people who still follow me from when i was 14 and i follow them even tho we're in completely different spaces now.

The fanart part i vibe with personally bc im really bad at coming up with totally original work and premises. i much prefer having pre-established rules and worlds to work with (plus the characters i love getting massacred in the writing i HAVE to save them)

Just existing online will garner you mean comments or asks, and my best advice is its not worth it to take the bait even if its absolutely absurd and wrong, i just block and go now, and im much happier :) this all being, of course, as long as what you're doing isnt harmful, bc even with good intentions, you'll mess up/blunder eventually. If the heat gets too much for you, no one will judge you for withdrawing your art from social media. thats a perfectly safe thing to do to keep it for yourself.

As an adult, shits not that serious im 28 drawing naruto fanart bc it makes me happy after a long day of work, so have fun!! art's supposed to be fun don't let the fear win i love sharing my art with strangers on the internet!! Hope this made any sense at all and I wish you the best, my friend!!! If you ever wanna dm me, feel free

[fletchfeathers]

Tag (9) people you'd like to get to know better!

Tagged by: @danniiiyyyl to whom i am infinitely mysterious and closed-off and who doesn't know me at all in any capacity <3

i'm actually gonna put this under a lil read more bc i started rambling a ton lmao so !! buckle in

Currently reading: i am. so. so bad at reading actual books bc executive dysfunction has nuked my brain from orbit lol SO i'm gonna tell you the fun webcomics i'm reading at the moment:

golden shrike - i am OBSESSED i tell you OBSESSEDDDD with this one. it's fantasy deer, the art is unbelievably beautiful and the story is fantastic, and it fully takes me back to being obsessed with the blackblood alliance comic as a teen LOL but it's so fuckin' good please read it and then yell about it with me

what happens next - holy moly talk about the most scathing, unflinching depiction of Terminally Online Culture i've ever read - PLEASE heed the content warnings before diving in bc it really doesn't shy away from the stuff it warns for, but holy shit it is the webcomic equivalent of watching a car crash and being unable to look away, it's fuckin' incredible

how to be a werewolf - just a real feel-good fun werewolf comic that also has just a really great engaging story and gorgeous art, we love to see it !

questionable content - a fuckin classic, been reading this since like 2009 and it is 100% my comfort webcomic, but if you're diving in for the first time be prepared for a LONG HAUL bc it's been running every weekday since i think 2003 so there is a BACKLOG. it's so cool watching the art improve over the years though!

Currently watching: a lot of dropout and drawfee mostly! i'm a little bit between shows right now bc i really need people to sit me down and make me watch things, but i have Vague Intentions to watch ted lasso and d20's dungeons and drag queens once my brain allows

Current Obsession: my d&d blorbos, as ever, but i'm currently playing nier: automata for the first time and having an absolute Blast with it

Tagging people I want to get to know better but also people I know already oops: @justagoos @jelliclesong @bibufflizardwizard @spectralwebs @lehamite @thevastnessof @rotanawrites @fabricandcircuits @wheatley-the-boi and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it!

(i just grabbed people i see in my notes a lot who weren't already tagged by dany LMAO so no pressure, just if you wanna!)

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

hey! I just wanted to say I love your fic A Fresh Start SO MUCH !! the writing is just *chefs kiss* and the slow burn is just long enough to be agonizing but in literally the best way possible, it’s written SO WELL AND I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH DUDE !!!!!

I love your fic so much, and for the past couple of days I’ve been kicking around the idea to ask you: is it ok if I draw your character Nima from A Fresh Start? I just love her so much and she’s one of my favorite side characters, and I was hoping I could ask if it was ok if I could draw her? She’s just such a fun character and I really like the idea of drawing her pink(?) skin and other details, and if I could draw her, do you mind providing any details about her? Like maybe some references, any outfit she wears, or just any sort of spare details you have about her?

anywyas, tysm, I love your fic a LOT and have a good day !! <3

ps. if you have an anon list going, I wouldn’t mind going by ⭐️ (star) Anon :)

THE SOUND THAT LEFT MY MOUTH WHEN I READ YOUR MESSAGE WAS INHUMAN. ABSOLUTELY YES YOU CAN DRAW NIMA HOLY SHIT IM SCREEEEAMING.

Okay. Deep breath. Holy moly. Alright. Guess what, my friend? You just opened Pandora's box. You asked for spare details but I'm about to ramble for DAYS. Nima's got a full history and backstory (b/c I'm obsessive about this kind of stuff) that I haven't been able to explore in the story to the degree I want SO NOW YOU GOTTA SUFFER THROUGH PARAGRAPHS OF INFORMATION.

Just swear to me that you'll send me the finished result because I neeeeeeed it. You think I'm insane and feral now? Just you wait. Okay. Now, info dump waiting below.

So mentally the closest face claim I have for Nima would be the actress Seo Ye Ji (as in if Nima got to ever see the silver screen that's exactly who I would want hired to play her lol).

Nima is pretty average in height, and she's built firm. Not a body builder by any means, but you can see the strength in her arms and shoulders from the multiple years of working in a garage doing heavy lifting and being hands on. Her skin tone is a more pastel shade of pink, like a soft bubble gum pink, but her lekku both have a sprinkling of freckles all over them in a darker shade of pink. Her eyes are a dark brown, and she has freckles across the bridge of her nose and on her cheekbones that match the ones on her lekku.

Nima has no tattoos or piercings, she's terrified of needles. Markings of note though, she has a collection of scars along her arms (burns and cuts) from her work. Nima has a bad habit of getting excited when working on a project she's excited about and in her excitement she'll forget to wear gloves or cover her arms in the proper gear.

When she's working, Nima wears a pair of navy mechanic coveralls to protect her skin when doing more dangerous work, but as said previously, Nima has a bad habit of shrugging out of the upper half to tie the arms around her waist leaving her in either a plain tank top or sports bra. She does it to cool off, but often forgets to zip the upper body part back up before getting back to work. While on the job, there are three things she always has on her: a pair of work goggles either resting on her forehead or hanging around her neck, an old pair of work gloves she's kept forever despite their disrepair, and a matching set of dark brown work boots. All three were gifts from her father when she got her first job as a mechanic.

When Nima's not working, her style is all over the place. She prefers pants and shorts to dresses and skirts and tends to lean toward large, loose fitting t-shirts that she'll tuck into high waist shorts or pants. But, she's also a big fan of oversized hoodies, cardigans, and flannels for when the weather gets cooler.

I attached some random pictures I found on pinterest of things I could picture Nima wearing.

AGAIN DON'T FORGET TO SEND ME THE ART PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU🥺⭐️

[hitomisuzuya]

Quick update update written at 10:58 am on February 19. Holy moly, you guys!? I rarely ever take a look at my follower count. As long as someone somewhere is enjoying my writing that's good enough for me. But, my eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw the number (I already don't remember the exact number. I have Dyscalculia, so my brain is a little broken😅) but it's over 600. Thank you so much everyone! I am going to make a habit every night to post something that I write, mainly for myself, but also for all of you as well. So, please, feel free to send suggestions with your requests (or randomly) on who you want to see in my Thank You special, smut or not etc etc I will write them all down and see what I can come up with.

I'm rambling but one more thing. At the bottom is a link with information on Dyscalculia. I was diagnosed very early in middle school. One of my teachers saw something was up when I was answering with things 9+9= 99. Yeah, that's how much my brain was struggling to comprehend simple math. And it was only ever discovered because a straight A student, the smartest one in the class in fact cheated off of me on a test. We were good friends sort of lol. I remember my mom saying, "Yeah, my daughter would cheat on a test (this was said as a joke), but she didn't cheat, it was Leah who did." That much was easy to figure out. So some staff from the special Ed department put me in a room and drilled me in simple intelligence tests. Low and behold, my learning disability sure was there. It didn't even have a name yet it was so uncommon at the time. It's something I struggle with and feel bad about everyday, even though it can't ever be helped and it's not my fault.

[star-fandoms]

Welcome

This is gonna be my fandom sideblog where I literally will just post art of fandom ocs and absolutely ramble about them(Them being my ocs, and whatever fandom I'm hyperfixating on at the time) Although not all fandoms I like I have ocs for and don't plan on making any for.

This is also HEAVILY a canon x oc(Oc NOT personas/self-inserts!!) so if you don't like that, that's fine! Just block me and move on, no big deal! Also I do kind of change some of the settings to fit my oc's in, but it's nothing extreme I don't think. Also I am not taking this blog seriously LOL, I will just ramble about whatever, whenever because holy moly the inside of my brain is an eternal hell. Maybe I could even make some friends with similar interests FHDGHJDGHJ. If you see any fandoms you like that I also like we should ramble about them and if we have any ocs for our mutual fandoms they should be besties! I guess I should get into the fandoms I like!! Oh also cw for some of these fandoms(Like the fanbase is huge and largely toxic, please don't group me in with those toxic people. Also some of them do have some not so great creators, I'll get into it more later. If you have any feeling that you know which ones I'm talking about and don't want to see me talk about them or whatever, then I would recommend not following!) Also not every fandom I have finished reading, watching, playing, and some of them are just fandoms I REALLY wanna get into, some of them are fandoms that I'm not really involved in anymore. FC stands for Favorite Characters and some of them are more like characters I'm interested in/like their design. I've colored the series names, cause it's a lot to read so if you're interested you can just read the series names and see if you like them as well! Long post, REALLY long post below

Anime/manga

Kimi ni Todoke (I'm SO excited for season 3! One of the first animes I have ever watched!! Would recommend if you're looking for a cutesy romance story, although it's still filled with drama. I have no oc's for this story. FC: All of em honestly)

Ouran high school host club (Another one of my first animes, I hold this anime very near to my heart. I know I DID have oc's for this story, but not anymore. I don't think I'll be making any oc's for this story, at least not any time soon. FC: Mori, the twins, Haruhi)

Fruits Basket (Another one of my first anime's LOL! I watched the 2001 version and haven't gotten around to the newer version, though I would like to watch it eventually. I don't have ocs for this story and I'm not planning on making any. FC: Kyo, Momiji)

Blue Lock (I started reading the manga like peak Quarantine, I would be reading this during virtual learning. When the anime came out I watched it with my sister since she used to play soccer, though we never finished sadly, so now I'm rewatching it again on my own. I do have oc's for Blue Lock. FC: Nagi, Rin, Kurona, Kaiser)

Blue Period (I never finished this one, I really need to! I still have oc's for it though. It was recommended to me by my sister who watched it, and I was drawn in because it's an art anime so ofc I would be interested. FC: Haruka)

Tokyo Revengers (I believe I'm still on season 2, like one of the last episodes of season 2, like seriously just finish it already, Star. Anyways I had binged the first season and moved to the manga to finish what was out at the time and I kept up with updates as they came out. Still can't believe season 3 is out, feels like just last week I was watching the first season and being obsessed. I do have oc's for this anime, a lot of them lol I hold them close to my heart despite not having solid designs out yet. FC: Mitsuya, Rindou, Sanzu, Wakasa)

Jujutsu Kaisen (BARK BARK BARK CHOSOOOOO, pardon me. I wonder who my favorite FAVORITE is??? Yeah jjk was an anime I found freshman year of hs, back when Megumi was my main favorite. Anyways the love-hate relationship I hold with this anime is insane. All the bad stuff? never happened, k? I do have oc's for this jjk! FC: Choso, Ino, Megumi, Inumaki, Yuta)

Demon Slayer (I didn't finish the latest season, however I did read the manga after finishing the first season which was all that was out at the time, but I also didn't finish the manga LOL. I do have ocs for kny! FC: Inosuke, Mitsuri, Muichiro, Gyutaro)

Bungo Stray Dogs (I binged the first season and then got bsd burnout soooo yeah I'm only on the second season. I have ocs for bsd! I love the art style and had wanted to get into it for a while, I do want to go back and finish it! FC: Akutagawa, Yumeno, Chuya)

Trigun Stampede (Another anime I never finished, you'll see a lot of these LMAO! I was really drawn by the art style and animation, I believe an edit pushed me to watch it. I still need to finish it and then I also want to watch the original because I've heard a lot of good things about it! Yes, I do have ocs for it as well! FC: Vash!!)

Osomatsu-san (I remember trying to get into it in middle school due to edits and fanart I had seen, I have some old OLD art of those ocs still. I did want to try getting into it again, but I've still only watched like 3 episodes so I'm really not far at all! I want to redesign my old oc's, but yeah I still have em'! FC: Ichimatsu, Karamatsu, Jyushimatsu, Choromatsu)

Nanbaka (I never finished Nanbaka either... I vibe so hard to the opening though, it goes hard. The character designs really caught my attention cause they were just so out there, like I was pretty used to more tame designs but then here Nanbaka is using these vibrant color combos and some interesting hairstyles and catching my eyes. I also have ocs for Nanbaka! I did start watching it again since it had been like 3 years since I watched it. FC: Nico, Kenshirou, Upa, Seitarou)

One Piece (Mmmmm One pee. Yeup. I told myself I would never watch it, mainly because of the cough cough 1000+ episodes and well considering how I struggle to finish animes, knew that the day I finished this anime would be the day hell freezes over. Anyways tell me why like 2 years ago I tried watching it and only made to episode 5 and then I pick it up earlier this year(2023) and make to episode 185 in like a month or two?? What happened to me?? The chokehold this series had on my brain is insane. I definitely have my own issues with it, such as the sexualization of the women and with that the proportions, but honestly I still really like this anime. I also have ocs for one piece, they might honestly be the first ones I show, but its not all of them, just the ones I have references for. FC: Kobe, Shanks, Ace, Sabo, Luffy, Corazon, Penguin, Bepo, Nami, Robin, Chopper)

Hunter x Hunter (Oof! I really need to get watching this anime already. I've wanted to watch it for so long and I've tried over 3 times but I just can't seem to find motivation to watch it. I Did have oc's for this, but obviously since I've hardly even watched it, they're sloppy and need redesigning. FC: Kurapika, Chrollo, Feitan)

Bleach (I know a bit about Bleach through my sister cause while I was hyperfixated on One Piece, she was hyperfixating on Bleach. I sounds interesting, I just haven't made it super far mainly cause I don't have motivation to watch it. I do want to make ocs for Bleach! FC: Chad)

Madoka Magica (I had wanted to watch Madoka Magica for a while but could never find motivation, even now I'm only on episode 2. I do really like what I've seen so far and I'm excited to get to the more messed up parts! FC: Madoka, Sayaka)

Snow White with the Red Hair (It's been like several years and I'm still on the first season. I made it to the final episode of the first season before getting bored and then I came back aware of a season 2 and wanted to watch it so I wanted to finish the first season but then wanted to rewatch the first season to remember what happened but I'm still not at season 2 yet because I haven't continued watching it in months. You'll see this happen a lot as well with me. I don't have any ocs for this and don't plan on making any. FC: Shirayuki, Obi)

Full Metal Alchemist (I've only ever heard good things about Full Metal Alchemist and so I've wanted to watch it for years, but I never got around to it. I still do want to watch it, but I'm not sure when. I also don't know if I'll ever make ocs for this show either?? FC: unsure as of now)

Haikyuu (I think I'm still on season 3/4 I can't remember which one. I did start rewatching it again, I made it to episode 15 so yay, I need to watch more. I started watching in middle school, got bored and took a break and then went back to it in high school, and now I'm watching it again. I do have oc's for Haikyuu! FC: Kenma, Sugawara, Iwaizumi, Osamu)

My Hero Academia (Thank goodness I wasn't there for the peak worst part of mha. I mean I had watched a bit of mha in middle school, but I never really got into it. I do love the style and the characters though, and I really like what I've heard about with the story and stuff, I'm excited to catch up. I'm currently on the 3rd season and I do have oc's for mha! FC: Taishiro(Yes, I love both versions, there is no being a Fatgum simp if you only like the skinny version>:(, Mirio, Amajiki, Ragdoll.)

The Ancient Magus Bride (I've wanted to watch this anime for a while and finally got around to it. It's not at all how I was expecting, though I enjoy it! I don't think I'll make ocs for this anime. FC: Silky, Ruth)

Attack on Titan (This anime has a special place in my heart and honestly I was debating ever continuing it. I watched it way back when it only had 1 season with my mother and my sister and we were patiently waiting for season 2, however my mom passed away like a year before season 2 so my sister and I never watched anymore since we always considered that to be an us three kind of thing, it just didn't feel right to watch it without mom. But now that I'm older and it's over, I want to watch it again. If ghosts exist, then maybe my mothers ghost can watch it with my sister and I! I don't have any oc's yet, but I do want to make some. FC: Armin)

Blue Exorcist (Something similar to aot happened to blue exorcist as well. It was an anime that mom and I watched together. I believe one season was out at the time as well. I never watched the ova or season 2, mainly cause I didn't know they had been released, but when I found out I held back since that was like mom and I's thing, but once again, I wanna try watching it again. I don't know if I'll make any oc's for Blue Exorcist. FC: Rin)

The Apothecary Diaries (I love shoujo anime so this is a must watch. I also really enjoy the main character like a lot! Like she kind of slays, she a baddie. I don't have much to say mainly cause there's not a lot out, but I enjoy it a lot so far! I don't see myself making any oc's for this show. FC: )

Act-age (Honestly, I haven't started reading this at all. I just saw this one dude from the manga on my Pinterest and went "I like the style and this character, where he from." And then added it to my to read list. I know absolutely nothing about it so far. I don't know if I'll make any oc's for this manga. FC: unsure as of now)

Battle Angel Alita (One of my best friends in the entire universe was telling me about this. Honestly I don't know much, but it sounds interesting, I have to read it and then gush about it to my bestie. I don't know if I'll make any oc's for this manga. FC: Unsure as of now)

Pumpkin Night (Okay the website I was using to read this manga had a horrible translator and that kinds threw me off, but pushing that aside, I really REALLY like this manga. The style is really clean and pretty, and I love Naoko's design. I believe I saw an edit of her years ago in early middle school and wanted to read it since and got around to it in early high school. It's really gory, so if you don't like that, would recommend you avoid it. uhm and depending on which website you're using, you may have really horrible translations, I don't mean like bad grammar or anything like that, that would be absolutely fine, I'm talking about the translator being a shitty person. I don't see myself making any oc's for this manga. FC: Naoko

Yona of the Dawn (Kimi no Todoke gave me newfound hope that Yona of the Dawn will get another season despite all this time, I am clinging on to threads honestly. I've spent so many night crying, hoping for a season 2. Everyone who has watched YotD wants a season 2, come on please! I NEED it!! Like I still see the manga getting updates so there's plenty of content to make a season 2 and once again its in high demand from those who watched/read YotD. I do want to make oc's for this show, I believe I had some but they're old and I remember nothing. FC: uhm like everyone <3)

Land of the Lustrous (Another anime I'm clinging onto to hope with for a season 2. I NEED it. I have a hard time finishing animes, let alone rewatching them, but tell me why I could watch land of the lustrous over and over again. It is so good. I do want to make oc's for this anime. FC: Phos, Cinnabar, Diamond, Padparadscha, Aculeatus, Antarcticite, Cairngorm)

Remarried Empress (Ooooo pulling all-nighters in high school to read this was definitely my favorite decision. In all honesty though, this manga means a lot to me and has inspired some of my own stories, I didn't think I would be one to like the old-timey ruler stuff, but I am. I also love the relationships between the characters. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: Navier, Heinry)

Death is the only ending for the Villainess (Also pulling all-nighters to read this during high school. I loved the art style and the story. I don't really keep up with it anymore which happens with a lot of manga's that I read. Either their anime's come out, or I just get tired waiting for updates. Anyways, I really like the mc and who she ends up with, they scare me lol. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: )

Today the villainess has fun again (Honestly, read this awhile ago and hardly remember anything. I know there was the one dude with pretty eyelashes and I fangirled over his blushing face. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: )

Spy x Family (Watched this anime with my sister, though we never finished it. We finished season one and think we made it kind of far into season 2. I think it's a really cute anime and want to finish it, I can't wait for it to get more darker and more serious. I don't see myself ever making ocs for this series. FC: Yor)

Beastars (I haven't watched the anime or read the manga but I want to! I've heard so many people talk trash about this anime before giving it a chance since it's "furries" but then like when they do watch it or for those who watched it without judging it, only say good things. I do know some spoilers, like I'd say I know like the basics. But I love the animation and art style and the story seems really interesting! I know I'll have to read the manga since no more seasons will be coming out sadly, but also because of the side stories. I don't know if I'll ever make oc's for Beastars. FC: Unsure as of now)

Chainsaw Man (I remember my sister reading the manga and then us finding out that there was gonna be an anime adaptation, so I held off on the reading. I really liked the style and animation, and the opening made it to my spotify wrapped last year. I did have oc ideas in mind, I never got around to designing them. Honestly the ideas I had I'm not really proud of either so most of them will be getting redesigned entirely. FC: Power, Angel Devil)

Sailor Moon (I haven't watched this anime in so long! It been since 3rd grade and I made it to 60 something episodes. Back when anime episodes were uploaded on Youtube with little to no problems. I wanna rewatch this anime so badly. I don't think I'll make any ocs for this anime though. FC: Sailor Mercury, Sailor Chibi, Luna )

Tokyo mew mew (I need to watch the reboot, I used to looove magical girl anime's in elementary school. I don't remember much other then liking the show and watching old Ichigo x Quiche amv's and hating the main male lead. I don't see myself ever making oc's for TMM. FC: Quiche, Ichigo, Minto)

Shugo Chara (Another anime I haven't finished. I showed this anime to my sister and she got farther then I did, I don't think I even made it past season 1. I still want to go back and watch it though. The openings are bops! I don't see myself makings ocs for this anime. FC: Amu, Ikuto, Tadase)

Cardcaptor Sakura (Never even started watching it, I just REALLY want to!! I've seen some Clips on youtube, and some funny dub moments on tiktok. I can't see myself making ocs for this series. FC: unsure as of now.)

Neon Genesis Evangelion (Another anime recommended to me by my friend. I've only watched like 8-9 episodes. I want to watch more, and I'm excited to see those darker moments cause I love stuff like that. I don't think I'll be making any oc's for this anime either. FC: Rei)

Noragami (I only watched the first season in like 5th grade or something. But now I'm seeing like all the latest chapter stuff on tiktok and like wanna rewatch/finish the anime and then read the manga, unless they'll animate the entire manga. Anyways I don't think I'll be making any characters for Noragami. FC: Hiyori, Yato, Yukine, Kofuku)

Mod Psycho 100 (Despite me only being on the second season, I do hold this anime close to my heart. I NEED to finish this anime, especially now that it's like over. I do have ocs for this anime! FC: Mob, Reigan, Teruki, Dimple)

Shows

My Little Pony (I remember skipping school in 4th grade to binge the seasons that were out on netflix. I used to have a whole bunch of mlp toys as well. I loved mlp so much when I was younger! I did want to rewatch it again recently, sometimes it's just really nice to go back and watch shows you loved as a kid, even if you cringe at how obsessed younger you was with the show(Pretty sure I tried doing a fluttershy cosplay with what I already had when I was younger.) I have a ton of mlp ocs, that I made on pony town since I really struggle with drawing ponies, but I think I'm getting better! FC: Fluttershy, Pinkiepie, Princess Luna)

South Park (I had wanted to watch south park for a long time but just never had anywhere to watch it until recently! That said I obviously haven't made it far lol. Think I'm only of season 3 or something. Obviously the show has horrible humor and touches on bad topics in a poor manner so avoid this if you're sensitive to that stuff, not that there's anything wrong with that of course! I do have oc's for this show and I'm working on my own sort of au I guess. The south parkies will NOT like me I guarantee. FC: Kyle, Wendy, Kenny, I don't know the other characters well enough to have an opinion.)

Ninjago (I remember this show airing when I was around 9-10, somewhere around that age group, and I wasn't super interested, think I watched like an episode or two. But then like I had started hearing all this talk about Ninjago online and it was only good stuff and I had wanted to watch it since. Too bad the fandom's pretty much dead :( I'm still not done watching it. I do have oc's for it though! FC: Kai, Llyod, Nya)

Lego Monkie Kid (I've rewatched this series 3 times within the past 2 months, so if that's any indicator on how good this show is and how much I love it, there's your sign to watch it. I got my bestie to watch it as well and now we're both hyperfixated. It's great and the seasons and episodes are both short so it's a really easy show to binge. I love the characters and the story. I also love the Eternal Servants au by @/emelinstriker (Sorry I don't know if it would be okay to tag her over something like this, I'll tag her properly when I do fanart!) That being said, I do have oc's for lmk and the au! FC: Macaque, Ao Lie, Mk, Redson)

Arcane (I was shocked when I found out this was a League of Legends show, it also kind of dissuaded me from watching it, but I'm so glad I did! This show is so well done! I've named plants after the characters, I have a little solar light-up polar bear named "Claggor", I named my cat "Ecko", and not that this was intentional, but when my sister and I first watched it my hair was dyed blue and hers was dyed pink. Needless to say, I love Jinx and I've never related to a character as much as I do with her. I'm so excited for season 2. I won't be making oc's for this show though. FC: Jinx, Ekko, Victor)

Bluey (I love this show so much! A huge comfort. I understand that some might be drawn away by the fact it's like a children's show, but it was really comforting to me. Like it was nice to see a good family, not perfect of course, a good and healthy family. And some parts reminded me of me and my sister. And the show isn't just like some normal kids show where the characters are asking you where an apple is when its right in front of them, no this show actually feels like it's teaching me something. Like this is something that I would show my kids and be able to watch this with them. I won't be making oc's for Bluey. FC: Bingo)

Games

AMONGUS (Among us was really fun to play with friends, it sucks that I'm so bad at it though. It's also so easy to tell when I'm imposter cause I just target one of my best friends, she does the same to me, it's great. I do have among us ocs! I even made a little story around them!)

Witches Heart (I finished watching manlybadasshero play the main game but I don't think I ever finished the bonus stories. I love the story and the artstyle, it's a big inspiration for when I'll make rpg's. I think I might make oc's for this story, but I'd want to watch it again. FC: Wilardo, Sirius, Noel)

Your Turn to Die (I haven't watched the latest update yet so I'm not caught up yet, I also haven't watched since freshman year so I want to watch it again. I was like hyperfixated on this game the entire freshman year, I was doodling my ocs and the characters on my worksheets. It was great talking to my friend, who was the one that got me into it, about it! I did have ocs, but they're old and in need of a redesign, I'll be redoing them! FC: Joe, Sara, Reiko, Keiji, Gin, Ranmaru)

Stardew Valley (It's been a while since I've played Stardew Valley, but I want to play it with my sister again. It's fun and I'm excited for their new game as well! I do have ocs for Stardew Valley! FC: Sebastian, Sam, Shane, Haley)

Genshin Impact (Oof. This one is difficult to talk about. I hardly play this game anymore, I think the last time I played it was when Sumeru came out because I wanted to explore the region. Anyways I was super obsessed with this game back in 2019-2021??? somewhere around those times. Everything was really fun in the beginning and then it got exhausting and I have issues with the creators, especially with the release of Sumeru characters. I still do have ocs and I think about them from time to time, they're still early in development as well, I want them to be detailed like the in-game characters. I feel I have more bad things to say about this game rather than good things, but it doesn't stop this game from being an important part in my life. FC: Diluc, Xiao, Heizou, Kazuha, Scaramouche, Ningguang, Ayaka, Kaveh, Shinobu)

Honkai Star Rail (I really don't play this game much but I kept up with it during development and excitedly waited for its release date. I still somewhat keep up with it but I really don't play it often. I do like the game more then Genshin though, I just get exhausted with grinding games. I do have ocs, still in early development since they need to be more detailed. FC: Dan Heng, Blade, Jing Yuan, Argenti)

Zenless Zone Zero (I'm still keeping up with the development, I can't play it though since it's still in pre-registration. I don't have much to say since I don't really know anything. I do plan on making ocs and have a few in mind. FC: Von Lycaon, Billy Kid, Soukaku)

Danganronpa (Middle school was wild. I was into Danganronpa before it reached it's peak in 2020-2021, I was into it in like 2017-2018 and then kind of got back into it in 2020, but mainly with my own ocs and fangame ideas. I just remember the fanbase being so toxic in 2020 and even now some of the fans are not so good(Which is obvious, every fandom has it's bad apples.) I also have issues with the game, such as the sexualization of the teens and even younger in ultra despair girls. I'm not super into the fandom, but I do have my own ocs that I like and want to make a fangame for eventually. FC: Kirigiri, Mukuro, Komaeda, Shuichi, Jataro)

Punishing gray Raven (I'm sadly not very far and my interest never lasts long sadly, I think I'd be more into it if was on pc since it's really hard to play games this immersive on my phone. I do have an oc for PGR though! FC: Lee, Lucia, Liv, Kamui, Chrome, Vera, Ayla)

Animal Crossing (Dude I was obsessed with Animal crossing for a bit. New horizons is the first and only animal crossing game I've played, but I remember watching the horror places in new leaf, I loved watching the scary things in animal crossing when I was younger. I do have an oc for animal crossing! FC: Goldie, Marshal, Raymond, Judy, Coco, Merengue, and so many more but these are the mains)

Cookie Run (I don't have much to say other then I just log into cookie run almost every day and that's it, I don't really do anything like I used to. Kingdom and ovenbreak. I do have cookie run ocs! many many cookie ocs! FC: Pure Vanilla, Cotton Candy, Chili Pepper, Milky Way, Frilled Jellyfish, Snapdragon, String Gummy, Chocolate Bonbon, more so many more)

Wadanohara and the great blue sea (Okay so for the Okegom stories, I'm more so still into them for the nostalgia and my own ocs. I do love the style as well but the creator is...awful. I got into these stories in middle school so it's been awhile and I didn't realize that the creator wasn't a good person. WATGBS is really nostalgic and has a special place in my heart. Once again I love the style and the music is a big inspiration. I also love the character designs! I do have Ocs for WATGBS! FC: Wadanohara, Memoca, Fukami, Uomihime, Mikotsuhime)

Gray Garden (Unlike WATGBS, I never finished Gray Garden so I don't have much to say. I might go back and try to watch it cause I'm pretty sure I made it far but I don't remember. Oh yeah, this is another Okegom game. I also have ocs for this game. FC: Kcalb, Yosafire, Froze)

Ice Scream (I think this was my first Okegom game, it's a web browser game so I've actually been able to play it. It's a short little game and I was waiting for years for updates but none ever came. I also have ocs for this! FC: Shirogane, Yukisada)

Bloodborne (I've never played Bloodborne, the only reason I am even remotely into Bloodborne is because my friend is going through extreme brainrot and got me to makes ocs for it, so yes I have ocs! FC: the Doll

Obey Me (I started playing this game like a week after it came out and yet I'm still not even at lesson 16 LMAO. I also pre-downloaded nightbringer and I'm not far in that either. I know stuff that happens though! I do have ocs for Obey me! FC: Mammon, Satan, Beelzebub, Simeon, Barbatos, 13)

What in Hell is bad (oh gosh, this game is well its a game alright. It's really funny to me, like I cant take it seriously. Mainly because of the gacha animation, but also it's just funny. Although this would be torture for me if I was actually in the game since it's really sexual and my demisexual ass would be disgusted. Anyways, I definitely have issue's with this game, like some of the philia's are problematic(like Necrophilia, I don't remember all of them but I think that's the worst of them) and also due to circumstances in the game, noncon in common in the game which is yikes. Also I just used my Obey Me oc with a few changes, I thought it would be funny if in every au she came into contact with demons. FC: Satan, Minhyeok, Paimon, Marbas, Astaroth, Zagan)

Our Life (I love pouring 70+ hours into this game. I was obsessed. This game means so much to me. Cove Holden is my standard. Just wait till a get a card and some money, I am buying those patreon moments. Also I am so SO excited for Our Life: Now and Forever! Like I WILL cry. Our Life: Beginnings and Always made me sob at so many parts, and I'm expecting the same for OL:NF. Anyways, I do have oc's for both Our Life's! FC: literally everyone)

Ensemble Stars (I love finding out how messed up this little idol game is. I was into the game before Ensemble Stars!! came out, so I was into the first game, but I couldn't ever play it, and finally it came out in English and on the phone/computer. Since it came out on pc I've been playing it a lot more! Midnight Butler is my favorite song!! I do have ocs for Ensemble stars! FC: Ritsu, Arashi, Mika, Kanata, Midori, Chiaki, Leo)

Ikemen Revolution (Heartbreaking to find out it was cancelled. I never made it very far, but still. I like watching the event stories on Youtube. I'm pretty sure this was my first Ikemen game as well, so it's even more sentimental. I do have an oc for this game! FC: Luka, Lancelot, Jonah, Edgar, Zero, Kyle, Loki)

Ikemen Prince (This is the Ikemen game I've played the most. I love the art style and the characters! I eat that shit up! I also watch the event stories on youtube LMAO! I have an oc for this game! FC: Yves, Chevalier, Clavis, Rio, Licht, Gilbert)

Ikemen Villains (I'm excited for this game to get released in English! I've been seeing a few translations on Tumblr. I don't have much to say as I barely know anything, but I do have an oc at the ready. FC: Ellis, Harrison, Liam, William)

Twisted Wonderland (Honestly, you'll probably mostly see Seele, my twst oc, on this account as I draw them the most and also get hyperfixated on twst the most. Also I did have another account dedicated to her, I'll access it another time and delete it since everything will just be moved here. FC: Jamil, Malleus, Deuce, Kalim, all of em really)

Lovebrush Chronicles (I've played this game once, but I want to play it more! I think the premise is really interesting and I know a bit about the story and I'm excited to get to that point. I have an oc in mind, but not much work has been done on them. FC: Ayn, Alkaid)

Infinite Blue (I'm excited for the actual game to come out, so far only the scavenger hunt demo is out. I do have ocs for this game, though they aren't well thought out as of now. FC: Rory, Alexei, Leo, Milo)

Tears of Themis (I really enjoy this game, I like mystery games and romance games and boom here's a combo of the two. I do have ocs for this game! FC: Artem, Marius)

Undertale (I love this gam so so SO much, it means so much to me. Sadly I was there for the worst parts of the fandoms, I had just witnessed it, I didn't participate in it. I was a sans fangirl but not those that would make videos of killing other sans fangirls, I liked the fangirls that got together and became friends! I made an entire series off of my old Undertale oc's That said they aren't Undertale oc's anymore, maybe I'll make some in the future idk. FC: Toriel, Sans, Papyrus, Muffet, Napstablook, Mettaton, all of them!)

Deltarune (I didn't finish chapter 2. I really like this game and the music if a huge inspiration for me! It definitely doesn't hit the same as Undertale due to that nostalgia factor, but I'm gonna keep up with any game that Toby Fox makes since he's a big inspiration for me! I might makes oc's for this game in the future but as of now I don't have any. FC: Susie, Ralsei, Checker King, Seam)

Wobbledogs (The silly game ever! I don't have much to say honestly, it's just a silly game where a mutate silly dogs. No ocs, just a silly game I like. Put them in the floating cheese room)

Degrees of lewdity (oop- I haven't played this game in a bit but I was obsessed for a bit. My luck in this game is shit though, one time like every move I was getting gotten. I do have oc's for this game! FC: Kylar, Alex, Harper, Robin)

Castle Crashers (I used to play this game all the time in Elementary school, although I could only play it over at my cousins house! I don't have much to say since I don't remember that much, I do have it but there's not anyone to play it with as of now. I do want to make an oc, just a little silly. FC: The pink knight)

Sims 4 (Silly character creator, that's all I really use the sims for. Although I do want to use it for other purposes to, like house designing and stuff for my ocs. I just makes characters on it though, but they've all been ruined since my mods needed updating and I forgor every single mod I had LMAO, they're all bald ad naked)

Five nights at Freddy's (haurhaur haurhaurhaur haurhaurhaurhaurhaurrrr n e ways the horror game ever ig. This game holds a special place in my heart, I need to continue my yearly fnaf phase where I rewatch all of Marks playthrough and then every game theorist video on it. I do want to make ocs for this game, I've had ideas but never went anywhere with the ideas. FC: Foxy, Sun and moon, Marionette, Mangle)

The Witches House (I think this was my first horror rpg game ever, it started my obsession. Also I have more but they weren't as meaningful as the ones on this list. Dude the twist of this game, I eat that up. I want to rewatch this game so badly. No ocs, don't plan on making any either.)

Ib (I think out of all the horror rpg's I've seen, Ib is my favorite and also the one I've rewatched the most. This game is so important to me and who I am as a person honestly. No ocs and I don't see myself making any soon, but maybe in the future. FC: Honestly, the trio ever.)

Mad Father (This is my second favorite rpg game! Also very special to me and my heart, I could cry thinking about the memories. These games raised me, which might be concerning actually, but nonetheless, they raised me. No ocs and I don't see myself making an oc. FC: Aya, Maria, Robin)

Kingdom Hearts (Don't ask me literally anything about this game, it's crazy that I basically know nothing despite this game being an important part of my mind for the past 18 years LMAO I've only played 2 and 3 and never finished either. My mom introduced me to Kingdom Hearts and I used to LOVE watching her play it! Ofc I played it myself too after watching my mom play it. I don't know if I'll ever make ocs for this game, maybe if I get hyperfixated on it again. FC: Sora, Roxas, Axel)

Wizardess Heart (I'm so upset this game was taken down off the app store, I lost all my progress. You can still play it on the SWD collection game where it has a bunch of the developers games into one, but y'know. I do want to make oc's for this game and get back into it! FC: Lucious, Elias, Randy, Yukiya, Hugo, Zeus)

Baldurs Gate 3 (Never played it, tryna get it for the holidays. My sister plays it and we're gonna play it together. Tbh I'm mainly interested in the dnd aspect since I've been wanting to get into dnd for a while, but I never really knew where to start and this seems like a good place to start. Obviously, I WILL be making ocs :3 FC: Karlach, Gale, Glut, Lae'zel)

Garten of Banban (Say whatever you want about this game, I enjoy it's chaos, it's funny as fuck and entertaining. Is it good? No, not really. Does it need to be good? Nah, it's got chaos and that gives it at least +20 points to me lol. I might make ocs for this story later but idk. FC: Bittergiggle, Bambalena, Sheriff Toadster)

Misc

Welcome Home (I really love this arg! Definitely not as obsessed as others, but I love keeping up with the creator and seeing what's going on in the fandom. I do have ocs for this! FC: Wally, Sally, Poppy, Howdy)

Mystery Flesh Pit National Park (What an outlier in this entire list LMAO, anyways THIS is my favorite horror piece. I can't explain it, and I won't in this post, I'd need time to really get down the feelings this project gives me. I've spent several hours watching the 1 hour documentary on youtube by Wendigoon and even longer playing the roblox fangame. I love this series, specifically the part where the clowns get melted, it's a horrifying idea and I love it. FC: the pit)

Poison Bugs (More Okegom! I have no clue what's going on in this story, not much is out and I'm not sure if there's any place where I can read/watch this, no clue. All I know is bugs, and I like bugs, so bug ocs. So yeah I have ocs for this. FC: Odea)

Obsolete Dreams ( Final Okegom as of now! I think this is like a comic/manga, but I've never read it. I want to, but also like I have no clue what the plot is even about and it lowkey seems all over the place. I think the main plot is a dad who has a bad relationship with his daughter and he's trying to mend it, but he's an alcoholic sooooo. Anyways, oc's, I have 'em, but no work has been done on 'em. FC: Maekami, Jork, Kiku, Glasses)

Lacey's games (I don't have much to say, I just like it! I like horror, and I specifically like this type of horror. Where it disguises itself as cutesy but it's not, it's morbid and will haunt your days.)

Vocaloid (I also don't have much to say, fandom wise. I've been into this fandom since 3rd grade, my stalker got me into this music, its great, what an important part of my life. I want to make oc's for this so badly and make them voices and stuff, using the UTAU app. FC: Gumi, Len, Oliver, Fukase, VY2)

Homestuck/Hiveswap (So never finished this but gosh the impact the web comic has had on me. I saw this one post like a couple months ago that said something like "Every homestuck fan is trans" which was really funny since going as John Egbert for Halloween made me question my gender so yeah it really was my awakening. I do have ocs! FC: Karkat, Dave, John, Rose, Nepeta, Kanaya, Xefros)

Orin Ayo/Tragicbox/incredibox (It's mainly Orin Ayo and the spin-off/sequels. Uh warning for VERY dark content if you're looking to get into it! Anyways I'm obsessed with the story and character designs, I wanna make ocs for Orin Ayo and have an idea. Normal incredibox is fine though! The beats go hord! FC: Tab, Lilac, Cratz Pur, Kaski, Mike Scarlett(From Incredibox Airline), Mason)

[crazyworldofemmamarie]

do you like any other older horror movies? That's a very dumb question but I'm unashamed about such things. I've rewatched some of the movies that really scared me when I was younger, and if anything they're even more scary now. I only watched 3 or 4 of the Saw films, but your blog is making me feel like looking again.

I love the entire genre, please yell at me if I mess up a reblog, or if my extensive experience in the field can help with your endeavors. I'm a John Carpenter fan from Way back; sometimes I don't know who directed what has become my favorite movie of the week and it turns out to be his...some of em aren't horror, like Starman, but it's heavy sci fi, and 80's Jeff Bridges is such a great actor...rambling with the lunatics. I like your blog! Don't fall for any of those HP Lovecraft movies; there's no sex in the books or stories so that Reanimator fool can go...sex was the selling point in the 80's though, guess it couldn't be avoided. I've read a ton; it's gotta be good for something. The way folks are saying manifest; that's made it back around after 24, 25 years. I'm tryna track something, for the good of everyone, but I'm no psychic medium, not even a small. If you think I made even a little bit of sense, I thank you for your time.

Okay! what's One movie you Won't watch, or Can't? I couldn't watch more than probably 10 minutes of High Tension, probably because I have kids, but I think that's the only one that keeps me from looking at it. Tobyn Bell should get a fun, dancing man role huh? He's pleasant to see if you ask me;) my kid's a huge Leatherface fan but they remember his name and everything. I "got" to see all the Faces of Death tapes as a teenager, we're fine, we're fine(just smile and nod)...I'm not sure how much longer I have on this earth, so I'm making it weird, and keeping it positive and spooky is challenging! But this Halloween will be my first single Halloween since lots of years ago and I am not going to let it slip past another year. My parent's were wed on Halloween, they forgot the 31st was already special, and I've always liked that memory of them making out on the couch between the trick or treat visits...anyway, have a great day, forgive me for going off on Every tangent, still looking for my pack y'know? Idk if covens advertise openings and I'm still learning to behave lmao...if intent is truly key, I am so good. My intentions are good. I'm never surprised that we get to know the "bad guys", monsters in the movies and stories that I personally can't really hate, or judge, but those are the fictional ones. Unfortunately the bad guys out here are really bad, and boringly bad. Yell at me any time, but y'know I won't hear it, lmao

Holy Moly, I am so sorry, my dumb ass basically took forever to figure out how to reply but hey I got it now, haha!

And no, don't worry about rambling I totally enjoy your stories and thoughts and I find it amazingly sweet that you even took the time to write to me, really and I am always open to chat! (And in all honesty, I am still learning to behave as it, but there's nothing wrong with having a little fun, wink wink.)

I do wanna ay I think it's super cool you're parents got married on Halloween, that's totally badass! Halloween is my favourite holiday, my Mom was super big on it because she never got to celebrate it when she was young cause she grew up super religious and it was to make up for lost time.

If I ever got married and I could convince my partner on a date, I probably pick October 1st, but in all honesty, as long as I can get married in Autumn I am totally happy. Though that's a rant for another time, haha.

Now to answer both of your questions:

I really like a lot of horror and I usually go from 1920s German Expressionism horror to present day. Though I am not gonna lie to you, I get really stuck with that late 60s/70s horror, especially that Art house horror like The Last House on the Left or I Spit On Your Grave cause I really enjoy realistic, could really happen horror, plus as a film manic, the 60s/70s had a lot of freedom with things like art and film and I just feel we get more out of that and I'm just like you where it's dirty, raw and full of sex, haha.

Though the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 1974 is my all time favourite horror film of all time, but I do really enjoy Last House, Spit on Your Grave, Black Christmas, The Wicker Man and all that.

80s is a hit miss for me, I'm really not a big fan of those popular slashers like Elm Street, or Child's Play or Friday the 13th, but love those somewhat terrible b movies like Sleepaway Camp or Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.

B Movies are another big thing for me, anything from Puppet Master to Basket Case to Evil Dead.

Now to you second question, the one film I can't watch and it's one of the very few films I've seen once and it's Cannibal Holocaust. I don't know what it was, I love cannibalistic films like The Hills Have Eyes or Cannibal! The Musical; but for some reason, this film didn't sit right with me, I can't tell you if it was cause it was too realistic, too bloody or the fact that they killed real animals on camera or that in reality you don't really know who the villain's really are (that's another rant for another time, I gotta whole essay on that, yeah, I'm a loser haha). In all honesty, I think it was all of the above for me, either way I can't do it, I look away if I see even clips of it or something, though I am trying to hyper myself up and try to watch again in the future as a future film study since I believe it's on both Tubi and/or Shudder.

Either way, I thank you very much for message and posting ask! Don't be afraid to send more, I am always willing to chat, (now that I figured out how to reply) and I hope you don't mind that i post this if ya do, just shoot a me a message, but either way, thank you so much for your time!

[ghostwriterofthemachine]

MOBY DICK CHAPTER 54

So I actually got up to chapter 63 in this week's reading, and I'll get to those chapters soon (boy oh boy, will I), but I wanted to give the Town Ho's story its own post because

A) it's a long fucking chapter, and obviously means a lot to Ishmael b) holy moly there's a lot to unpack here

So first off, I suspect most of this story is even more BS than most of the rest of Ishmael's narration. Like. Yeah, dude? yeah? That's what you're going with? "Everyone heard some version of this story but the officers never learned the REAL, TRAGIC version because it was only told to Tashtego and the rest of the crew only found out about it because Tashtego talked about it in his sleep and then we pressured him to tell us the rest when he woke up and all agreed not to tell the captain or the officers." Nice try, but I believe the rambling not-prophet conveniently named Elijah before I believe that.

so with that in mind I am interested in the following things, in order of "funniest" to "most important to The Themes"

the fucking descriptions of the sailors and where they're from, oh my god

these obviously-fake Spaniards that Ishmael is not telling his fake story to

Oh man, Ishmael wants this whale to Mean Something so badly

Let's start with the funniest. Let me tell you, as someone who has known very many terrible people from Buffalo, NY, Ishmael's ode to the Great Lakes and the "lakemen" who live around them is hilarious. Less "wild-ocean born and wild-ocean nurtured" and more "stodgy asshole who deals with long winters via spite and overrated wings." But the contrast between the shimmering, golden, most AMERICAN kind of mariner (because the great lakes are like the oceans but INLAND IN AMERICA) Steelkilt and then the complete disdain he uses to describe the canallers as just the worst people you could ever meet. "Sailing anywhere makes you a worthy man, unless you sail the EERIE CANAL. UGH." Never mind that the Eerie canal fucking ended in Buffalo.

Second funniest: these Spaniards are not real. They're obviously not real. Their names are Don Pedro and Don Sebastian, which from my understanding is like saying you ran into two irishman O'Malley and O'Shaughnessy. All they do is call for more alcohol and go "oh, that can't be!" at Ishmael's story (which totally did not happen, which he did not tell), so that Ishmael can then go "oh ho ho! you silly european man! you know nothing of the american spirit!"

So, not only do these men not exist, I don't actually think Ishmael has talked to a Spaniard before, and he might actually not like Spain, because at the very least he portrays them as a bunch of pansies.

And, lastly, the most Thematically Relevant: God, fuck, Ishmael wants this whale to mean something so badly.

He tells this whole fake story to these fake people in order to set up Moby Dick as some bearer of divine justice or cosmic revenge, in this perfect story where a good man is hurt unjustly by a bad one and that bad man meets his end in a whale's stomach. Moby Dick raises out of the water to do The Will Of The Universe, because if the whale is the will of some higher being, the tragedy you can feel the whole crew sailing towards might also mean something. it might make sense in the scale of the greater narrative. it might be more than senseless death carried out in the name of a man fighting a whale he's decided embodies every bad thing about himself and the rest of the world.

But, Ishmael, babe, you already said it yourself — the whale isn't a metaphor. Its not a symbol. it's just a whale. and whales can't be evil, because that's not how animals work.

Sometimes, it doesn't mean anything, Ishmael. It's not the will of divine justice. You just picked a bad captain.

,,,,,,,fuck, god damn it. sometimes, I really do Get It with this book.

[koios]

help ... gender.....

[akudama-drive-incorrect-quotes]

Akudama Drive Character Opinions/Thoughts Pt. 1

Yay!! I finally finished Akudama Drive today! I’m so so sorry for not posting recently, I’ve been very busy with the holidays and semester exams. But at last, I finally sat down and binged from about episode 6 through to the end, and OH. MY. GOD. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head!! 

So today I thought I would give a very honest review/my opinions for EVERY character in Akudama Drive just for the heck of it and to help cope with the sadness of the show being over.  Thanks for sticking with me! <3 

So obviously, this will be spoiler heavy, but I assume that everyone reading knows that. xD Okay! This’ll probably be long and really long winded, but off we go! 

Swindler: Oh gosh. Where do I even begin with her?? Swindler’s character was so intriguing to me from the get go, what with us not knowing much about her (and even in the end still not knowing much about her past). I was pretty neutral towards her in the beginning, but MAN. After that scene where she killed those two guys protecting Sister. MAD Respect. I think that that marked a turning point for me liking her. I found her a bit much at times when she didn’t seem to show extreme emotions at the deaths of Hacker, Hoodlum, etc. But I obviously know that she was wrapped up into all this tea by accident and that her actions (While at times potentially suspicious) were completely justified, such as her fears, her desire to protect Brother and Sister, and her confusion as she slowly began her descent into the craziness that was the Kanto-Kansai situation. It was super enjoyable seeing how she grew, and I really wanted her to succeed and be happy. Her death scene made me cry. Also those scenes with Sister and her were so CUTE. <3

Courier: To be completely honest, I didn’t really have any strong emotions towards Courier for the majority of the season. He was frickin badass as all hell, but in terms of the character himself, I thought he was alright. That definitely changed though by the end of the season! We see him deliver a gift to Sister without any fee (Brother’s “dying” wish) and we sympathize with his tragic backstory involving the unnamed woman murdered in his home (mother? Sister?) I loved that addition because we get to see more about the coin itself and why he views it as bad luck. Super neat. I think his interactions with Sister and Swindler are cute, and makes me think of them as sort of like a family. UwU Also his love for Takoyaki/cooking is a pretty fun contrast to his stoic outside. I’m not sure that I ship Courier and Swindler (I can 100% see it though :3). I see them more as two individuals who are bound together by fate (the coin) and have grown to respect one another while learning/surviving in this crazy world. I was definitely sad to see him go, but I’m super happy that I got to love his character a lot more by the end! What a cool guy. His dedication/the way he went above and beyond for Sister and Brother in the end? Perfection. My first pick for a zombie apocalypse team. 

Brawler: He’s wholesome for sure. I’m usually not a big fan of big, tough guys in anime, but he reminds me of the traditional Danganronpa stereotype of the fighter with a warm interior. His interactions with Hoodlum made me like him so much more and appreciate what he brought to the table. I’m sad that he’s not recognized more. He's super badass in his own right and I feel sort of guilty for not realizing it while he was alive. Like cmon girl. It pissed me off the way that the Doctor was treating him after he died (also. That. She killed him. >:O) Like. Is that all you saw him as? I get angry when the POC characters always die first/disrespected by other characters for the sake of “comedy” and whatnot. Like as a POC myself...it’s not cool. But overall, I liked him for who he was. I didn’t care for him too too much, but I definitely wanted him to be happy and enjoyed those sweet moments of excitement he had when fighting, even up to his last moments. 

Hoodlum: He was the one character in Akudama Drive that I was not expecting to like as much as I did. Again, not my favorite, but MAN was he entertaining! I ADORED how much character growth we got from him. I was really rooting for him up until the end (I got super excited when he killed Doctor...and then really sad. CoMe oN) Initially in the first episode, he just seemed to be the classic sort of cowardly idiot, but after he met Brawler you can tell he changed a lot. The dynamic was super fun! Even after Brawler dies, the moments that show Hoodlum coping with his death are amazingly sad, for example, when he says “check this out,” or when he gets angry when no one else seems to care about his death. (SAME Hoodlum. SAME.) The anger and grief that Hoodlum feels is portrayed in an interesting way (he begins to lose himself and submits to Doctor’s manipulation/alternative resources in Kansai). In the end, I’m so happy that he was the one to kill Doctor, because not only was he avenging his friend’s death, but also standing up for himself in a way that he hadn’t done in the series up to that point. Overall. Loved the development of my boi. 

Doctor: This woman. I tell ya got on my nerves. Holy moly. But I should clear things up! At first when she was introduced I thought she was super cool for sure! We s t a n n  a queen to put them boys in their places, but as time went on I started disliking her more and more. Don’t get me wrong, there are parts about her that I think are amazing! For example, I loved her motivations for studying the children (interesting), her poisons/ability to heal were incredibly useful, her voice actor, and sometimes she was just a bad bitch. Like go off queen. But at the same time, I really found her bothersome. I don’t really know when I started to notice it as much, but I just didn’t care for the way that she called Brawler a “Dreadlock Gorilla” ...because like. Um. NO. I also didn’t like how she manipulated Hoodlum (obviously that’s totally in character, but still). As the show went on Doctor just really didn’ vibe with me for some reason. I guess I just didn’t like her as much as the other characters and I know it’s terrible to say, but I was glad when she died. I don’t know what else to say. I stopped liking her. ://

Hacker: Right from the beginning I knew he was my favorite character. <3 I think the aesthetic was super cool and I loved loved the similarities between him and a certain SHSL computer programmer. ;) I appreciated the little moments with him, for example when Cutthroat pushed the emergency buttons on the airbus, the whole “parting-gifts” idea, the drones, etc. His abilities that he brought forth were incredibly useful and without his sacrifice the final mission of rescuing Brother and Sister would’ve been impossible. I LOVED that his role expanded even after he left the group in the early stages (;-;), we can see he was behind the blackout, the hijacking of several systems (including the propaganda videos), and how he was able to play the puppet master by controlling/saving his old teammates. I just think that his abilities to hack and to literally do anything that he pleases was super badass. I feel like out of all of them, Hacker is one of the few that genuinely feels more human (in the sense that he seeks out a new place to call home/excitement, etc.) which I loved. Overall my favorite character...I’m still a little salty about his death and the fact that no one really acknowledged his sacrifice. >:((

Hope you enjoyed that long ramble! Check Out Pt. 2! 💕

[borathae]

I had been putting off reading aaol since the last 2 chapters because I couldn’t handle losing the couple so early that I’ve held onto for comfort the past two months. Truth be told Sibi I haven’t been having a great past 2 weeks, it’s been really challenging and I just couldn’t add the feeling.. you know the feeling when you finish your favorite tv series or a book you love or a movie with a lot of sequels? You know falling in love with the characters so much that you just don’t wanna say goodbye? The sad feeling hollow feeling that’s leave behind? …Fuck that is what I didn’t wanna deal with after reading the last two chapters because my personal life was really struggling as it is. Today I got to reading them because I felt better after a really long time and I’m just here to thank you. I can’t imagine the time and effort you put into writing this epic love story, my heart was pounding throughout the smut scenes, the domestic blissful scenes, then crying together and holding reach other and literally everything in between. Gosh Sibi you have a gift, your mind is crazy and I just want to tell you how much your writing has consumed me. I was a die huge fan of ihyily and that couple almost wrecked me when I ended that story. The day you announced aaol I was a little skeptical because nothing could top ihyily in my mind but especially not a fic set in a sexclub with “dark themes” (I usually read more vanilla stuff) but aaol has done something to me. I know I’m rambling nonsense now but what I’m trying to say is I’m literally a changed fucking person. You’ve made me discover so many new kinks for starters. :p I can’t shut up about them to my friends. And just so much else that I’ve learned through your story. I just had to write you a thank you. I know you receive a shit ton of these on literally each and every story you write because YOU ARE JUST THAT FUCKING GOOD SIBI but I couldn’t resist myself from telling you what you have done to my mind. I adore you Sibi.

I’ve sent you over 20 asks in the span of just aaol so I’ve decided to add a signature to my asks now because I know I addicted to your writing and wouldn’t shut up about it in the future either. I’m your butter anoonie!

-🧈

Wow, holy moly this is....

This is literally one of the most heartwarming and amazing messages I have ever recieved 😭😭 the fact that you talk to your friends about my story :( and that it became so dear to your heart that you experienced that awful feeling of having to let go (I feel you so BAD on that hajfssjdf this is me with literally every media I consume hafjs) and also the fact that it impacted you so much.

Like listen, it's just a lil story of mine and it means the literal world to me that it became such an important part of you! Thank you so much, I feel so honoured!! 🥺💜

[piplupod]

okay okay okay very anxious for no reason

i think... i feel overwhelmed

anyways lemme just ramble for a minute because i feel afraid of taking up space anywhere even here but im gonna take up space here bc this is like. my lil corner of the internet that belongs to me

uh.... readmore bc it turned a bit long

so disassociation very bad today very floaty maybe the worst i've ever had in my life

also i went to hospital today ER to be like "sooooo. help pls" bc i almost passed out from Not Eating last night

they got me signed up onto waitlist for Actual Counseling/Therapy, DBT education, and mindfulness education which is...... way more than i was expecting and i am GLAD to have it. excited almost!!

this gay server im in is very full all of a sudden even tho theres only like 14 ppl, that still feels like Too Many esp since three arrived at once, and one of the new members i was already very intimidated by bc theyre rly cool and i feel... stinky and lame next to them (self esteem and identity issues my beloathed) so im a little bit sad bc i'll probably be avoiding that server even tho i have very good friends on it :(

also i just feel. weird abt identity lately. like who am i. idk if i recognize myself lately tbh but that might also be the disassociation dhgsfjkl but there HAS been a lot of change lately! so i think i have to,, work on some mindfulness bc For Real i have been distracting as coping mechanism almost constantly and i haven't done like ANY mindfulness in....... months, possibly a couple years now.

okay wow i am floating so bad i hate disassociation. also i had one of the most busy and vivid dreams of my entire life last night holy moly, it was,,,, so long and busy and vivid and i keep remembering bits and pieces of it and there was so much to it

anyways! good night i guess. wish i wasn't anxious, wish i wasnt overwhelmed, wish i felt like i was like,,,, an okay person who is interesting and allowed to take up space but alas. an issue for another day i suppose since i am already ExhaustedTM

[kotilae]

Hi, i really like your art and wanted to ask, what do you think about Stone Ocean's ending? I would be extremely grateful if you could take your time and answer me, because there's one very important topic about it that you might be interested in too. Kind Regatds

Finally getting around to answering this. It is early in the morning while I’m starting this and I’m still very tired even after coffee so bear with me (also thank you!! <3)

Gonna put this under a cut for spoiler reasons and I just know I’m gonna end up rambling

Okay. STONE OCEAN. In short, all I can say is W H E W. It was a rollercoaster of emotions from start to finish and I loved every second of it! Araki has such an amazing way of making characters & stories & interactions, and I get attached so, so easily (which of course leads to many tears but we’ll get into that).

There was a lot leading up to the ending that I remember yelling about to a few of my friends. Most notably I went to the person who got me into JoJo in the first place (a very good friend I’ve known for a very long time now. If ur reading this Eli I love u but also damn you)  and I just went hog through the whole finale arc to him. The abilities, the character struggles and desperation, how they held onto hope even though everything was hopeless... just, HOO. Good Stuff.

Pucci is a FANTASTIC villain. I loved him by design alone before I even fully got into the series, back when I was just starting to really sit down and watch part 1, then after reading Stone Ocean, I was given an actual CHARACTER to stick to that image and it only solidified my love for him. My most favored villains are the ones that see their own causes as right and just, even if they’re going about it the wrong way. It’s also one of the reasons why I adored Death Note so much, but that’s a whole other tangent that I already spent 3 hours ranting to my brother about a few nights ago. Anyway,

It was so incredible and so different to see the villain WINNING like that all the time, up until the very end. Most of the time when a villain is winning like that, something happens that knocks them down and causes the protags to prevail--but not this time, and that’s what really stuck with me about it. I already knew how it ended before I read the part because I Am Not Immune To Spoilers (aka a friend will mention something and I’ll lead myself down a rabbit hole of “I don’t need sleep, I need answers”) but seeing it in action was a whole different level of off-the-shits, as-Joseph-would-say “OH MY GOD!” Made In Heaven is such a cool ability and I was losing my MIND over that whole arc. Every time Pucci made a move, every time the gang made plans to stop him and inevitably failed, I just had to sit there and take it all in because it was AMAZING. Painful because I had to see all my favorites get wrecked, but amazing. And I feel so bad for Emporio, that poor boy ;_; Stuck in an endless cycle of repeating timelines, always slightly different but ending the same. And that just ties everything together at the beginning: why he was hiding in the first place, how he knew to warn Jolyne not to go in that room and speak with Jotaro. And he still has hope through all these which just DESTROYS me because even though he probably knows it’ll be the same, he still thinks “maybe we can stop it this time” and just oof.

And unrelated to the ending (kinda?) but alluding back to my self-spoiling, I also regrettably spoiled myself on the entire Heavy Weather arc. I would’ve loved to be surprised by that, but I had to read Weather Report’s wiki like the town fool I am. But still, that was another case of seeing it in action was way different than just reading about it. And I got HEAVILY attached to Weather. I don’t really often cry over fiction (regardless of me saying “there were many tears” about things all the time), but I made the mistake of putting on sad piano music while reading it and it got the waterworks going big-time. It was an Angel Beats situation all over again where I just had to sit in silent tears for 20 minutes before moving on.

But yeah, just, holy moly. I really hope we get an anime adaptation because I need to see Made In Heaven animated. (There’s actually a fan animation one of my friends sent in discord and I internally screamed about it for a good hour because it’s INCREDIBLE. Made by TheDashingDoctorK (who also made that one really good DOOM/Animal Crossing crossover animation. u know the one) and I’ll be rb’ing it after this since I just found it on here, but here’s the yt link for it: https://youtu.be/SAsM_nd1ULQ )

Part 6′s ending was outstanding and I loved it with every fiber of my being, including how sad it made me. And we might’ve lost everything in the end there, but we gained Steel Ball Run, which I’m currently about 1/3 of the way through and enjoying immensely.

[elusive---ivory]

The Woman In Velvet pt 9

Holy shit????? 9 parts??? Holy moly???? This is insane!!! I can't believe people are actually interested lmao. Well, the masterlist will be up soon enough, as for now, enjoy.

PAIRING: Arthur Fleck x Oc

WARNING: NSFW (near the end.)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Taglist:

@princessgeekface @mijachula @gloomybih @memory-mortis @radio-hoo-ha @moonstruck-witchy (if you'd like to be apart of my Taglist. Just message me, and I'll tag you)

Sandy looked at herself in the mirror. It was almost 6. She looked over to her dress on the bed. It was a long black velvet gown that her mother used to wear. She picked it up from off the bed and posed with it in the full length mirror. As she slipped it on, she saw how comfortable it fit on her. Sandy laughed, twirling around in the dress.

She carefully applied her makeup. Her eyelashes touched her thick framed glasses as she pushed them back onto her face. Her lips were ruby red from her lipstick. Sandy smiled widely in the mirror.

Arthur watched as she got ready. He told previously that she could. God, did she look marvelous. Arthur watched her move.

Sandy caught Arthur staring at her through the doorway of the bedroom.

She smirked. "See something you like?"

Arthur blushed, looking away. "Uhh, yeah. Just you."

Sandy giggled at his boyish behavior. She looked over at the clock.

"Oh shit. It's 6. I'm heading out, Artie." Sandy kissed Arthur on his cheek.

He grabbed ahold of her hand. "Just be safe, please."

Sandy smiled, sweetly kissing his lips. "I will dear."

Arthur watched as she went out the door. His heart beated loudly in his chest. Arthur turned off the TV, heading out of his apartment.

Sandy's heels clicked on the pavement as she walked towards Dee's car.

"Sandy!" Dee yelled, excitedly. Her smile was wide with her dimples spreading ear to ear.

Dee pulled Sandy into a tight hug.

Sandy smiled, giving in to the hug. "Hey, Dee. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm just fantastic. Have you met my boyfriend, Doug?" Dee said, as a very tall man in a black suit emerged out of the car.

Sandy shook her head. "No, I don't think I have."

The man named 'Doug' grinned. "I don't think I have neither. Very nice to meet you, Sammy."

Sandy huffed. "It's Sandy."

"Oh, right, sorry." Doug falsely apologized.

Sandy rolled her eyes and got in the car.

The three of them rode down to Wayne Hall. Protesters in clown masks and makeup were yelling and screaming from left and right. Sandy looked around at the chaos, smiling a little bit.

"Look at this, Dee. Our city's in peril. I hope the asshole that caused this goes to hell." Doug rambled, behind the wheel.

Sandy turned her head towards Doug. "Funny you say that, Doug. I'm pretty sure the people outside would definitely love to hear you opinion on the matter." She remarked.

Doug glared at Sandy through the rear view window.

"We're here." Dee said, trying to cut the tension.

The three of them got out of the car. Sandy was still infatuated with the protest behind her. It gave her hope. She noticed someone sneaking off out of the crowd. It looked like a familiar yellow jacket.

"Hey, Sandy. You coming?" Dee called, pulling Sandy out of her thoughts.

Sandy backed up, blinking a little bit. "Uhh, yeah." She turned around and followed Dee into the bar.

It was a very elegant looking bar. The red lighting matched the velvet booths in the bar. Sandy looked around. There was a lot of older gentleman alongside very scandalous women. Sandy sat down at the booth.

"I'll take a dry martini, please." Dee told the waiter.

"Whiskey on the rocks." Doug ordered, taking out an expensive looking cigar.

Sandy raised her eyebrow at Doug. "I'll take a cherry cola."

"Really, Sandy? Come on. Live a little. Here I'll order you a chardonnay." Dee said, signaling towards the waiter.

"No, Dee. I'm cutting back on drinking. I already have a bad smoking habit. I don't need to add alcohol to that." Sandy said, leaning back in the booth.

"Alright, whatever you say." Dee rolled her eyes, teasing.

Sandy crossed her arms. Despite just getting here, Sandy already felt tired of babysitting them.

After a while, lots of the protesters swarmed inside the bar.

Doug, after having a total of five drinks, drunkenly stood up, yelling in their faces.

"Listen here, you fucking scum, ya got ten seconds to get out of my bar." Doug slurred, standing dangerously close to a protester's face.

"You got a problem, buddy?" The protester said, pushing Doug back.

"Yeah, you are." Doug pushed back.

Dee drunkenly stood up as well. "Yeah, you fucking tell him, babe."

Sandy watched in horror, dragging Dee back to her seat.

"Oh, yeah, well watch this tough guy." The protester took out a gun, shooting Doug in the face.

Dee and Sandy screamed, ducking under the table. Soon, a bar fight broke out between the protesters and the old gentleman at the bar.

Dee was hyperventilating. "What the fuck?!"

Sandy looked at Dee, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Calm down, Dee. We have to get out of her." Sandy calmly stated.

"What about Doug?" Dee exclaimed.

"He'll be fine. Just hand me the keys." Sandy grabbed on Dee's hand and ran outside the bar.

Sandy grabbed the keys from Dee and revved up the car. More protesters were yelling out on the streets. Sandy pulled out from the parking space, denting a few cars in the process, before driving off.

Sandy sighed in relief as they got away from the scene. She pulled over to her apartment building. She looked over to Dee, who was quivering in the front seat. Sandy, then, looked down under the seat for a pack of cigarettes. When she found some, Sandy stuck one in her mouth, getting lipstick all over it, and pressing the car's cigarette lighter.

Dee looked terrified at Sandy. "How can you be so calm in a situation like this? My boyfriend just got murdered."

Sandy looked over at Dee, again. She grabbed the cigarette lighter, lighting her cigarette, then blowing smoke out her nose.

"How long did you know your boyfriend?" Sandy asked, deflecting Dee's question.

"Well, a few weeks." Dee said, crossing her arms. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Sandy laughed. "A few weeks, huh? Was it before or after he paid you?"

Dee turned her head away from Sandy. "It was after. Ok? God, why are you being such a mega bitch?" Dee threw her hands in the air dramatically.

Sandy continued to laugh. She inhaled another drag from the cigarette. Slowly, her laughter subsided. "My heels broken. I should probably go home." Sandy said, blankly.

Dee eyed at Sandy's behavior. "Sandy, are you ok?"

Sandy smiled at Dee. "To be honest, I thought this night was gonna be a bust, but as it turns out, I feel fantastic."

She handed the keys to Dee as she got out of the car.

"I'm sorry about your boyfriend. I'm sure you can find another one that pays more." Sandy yelled, walking into her building.

Dee glared at Sandy as she walked away.

Sandy limped up to Arthur's apartment. She knocked on the door. To her surprise, the door was unlocked.

"Arthur?" She called.

Sandy looked around in the bed, then slowly moving to the kitchen. She noticed shelves and food were all over the floor. Gently, she opened the refrigerator door.

Arthur cradled himself, not wanting to face Sandy.

"Hey, Artie." Sandy spoke softly. "Why don't you come on out?"

Arthur gave no response.

"Please, Art?" Sandy put her hands on his knee.

Arthur looked over at Sandy, and grabbed ahold of her shoulders, sobbing into her.

Sandy petted his hair, whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

"Let me draw you a bath, dear." Sandy kissed Arthur's cheek, before getting off of the kitchen floor.

"Why are you so nice to me?" Arthur asked, pitifully. "All you've been is sweet and kind. I just don't get it."

Sandy lifted Arthur from the ground. "I love you, Arthur. Is that what you don't understand?" Sandy hugged Arthur's fragile body. He melted into the hug, feeling Sandy's warmth.

"I just don't understand how an angel like you could love a guy like me." Arthur mumbled, slumping into her neck.

Sandy smiled, rubbing Arthur's exposed back. "Come on, dear. I've got a warm bath waiting for you."

Arthur peeled off his remaining clothes, slipped into the bathtub. Sandy was still in the bathroom, looking for some type of body wash. As she turned around, she saw Arthur's nude body in the tub. Sandy blushed, slightly, kneeling down to his level.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Sandy asked, maintaining eye contact.

"Yeah, could you stay?" Arthur's eyes pierced into Sandy.

She was almost about to decline, but something in her said yes. She nodded, staying in her position on the floor.

"So, how was the rally?" Sandy asked, nervously. She gulped, trying not to lead her mind down south.

Arthur looked at Sandy. "It was fine." He mumbled. Arthur noticed blood on Sandy's lip. He lifted her chin, touching the busted lip.

Sandy hissed in pain. "Ah, fuck."

Arthur's eyes went wide, letting go of her chin. "What happened?" Arthur asked, concerned.

"It's nothing, dear." Sandy answered, reassuringly.

Arthur frowned at her response, but didn't want to push it further.

"I did like the way you lifted my chin." Sandy smirked. She ran her fingers across his jawline, lifting Arthur's chin up. "Just like that." Sandy whispered seductively.

Arthur melted at the touch, holding onto Sandy's hand.

"It almost makes me want to join you in the tub." Sandy giggled, splashing Arthur a little.

Arthur nodded his head. "I'd like that." He whispered.

Sandy blushed, standing up to unbutton her dress. After unbuttoning it, she placed it on the towel rack behind her. She unclasped her bra, which fell to the floor. Sandy peeled off any other clothes left remaining on her body, and stepped in the tub with Arthur.

Arthur admired Sandy, as she laid on the opposite side of the tub. Arthur smiled at her. Sandy turned away, blushing.

Arthur leaned over and pulled Sandy closer towards him. Before Sandy could speak, she was already straddling Arthur's thin waist under her thick thighs.

She cleared her throat. Sandy felt Arthur's arms sneak around her waist, keeping her upright.

Arthur sat up and rested his chin on Sandy's shoulder. She relaxed into his touch.

"Sandy?" Arthur whispered.

"Yeah?" Sandy whispered back.

"Can I touch you?" Arthur asked, griping onto Sandy's waist.

Her eyes widened. "Touch me where?" Sandy questioned, putting her hands on Arthur's chest.

"Everywhere." Arthur said, softly putting his lips on her neck. Sandy gasped, nodding at his request.

Water spilled out the bathtub as Sandy grinded onto Arthur. He tilted his head back into the bathtub and moaned. He kissed Sandy's neck, feeling himself inside her. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, biting her bruised lip.

"Artie." She whispered, moaning.

Arthur went in deeper, keeping a grip on her thighs. Sandy tugged on his hair, warranting a moan from Arthur.

Arthur came before Sandy, yet staying inside her. Once Sandy came to her close, she fell on top of Arthur, laying on her chest.

[curlsincriminology]

Six Days of Silence - Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: After a week of silence and fighting, the team comes up with a plan to get you and Spencer back on good terms.

A/N: This fic is Maeve erasure!!! Sorry! This takes place (in my mind) around season 8/9. Also this is the longest piece I have written in a while so sorry it took a while to get up! holy moly

Criminal Minds Masterlist | Complete Writing Masterpost

He was a hard-core coffee aficionado; you preferred the taste of freshly steeped tea.

He liked it more when things stayed static; you would wake up at 3am with the urge to repaint the hallway.

 He was a string of numbers while you were the brush stroke of an ancient painting.

He was a tidal wave, a crash of facts and rapidly spoken words that jumbled together as a result of quick mind and a slightly slower tongue.

 You were a blizzard, a flurry of confusion and excitement that left an awe-filled silence as a result of the beauty you created.

 But you fit together perfectly.

He was your voice of reason; you were his sense of adventure.

 He was your anchor and yet you were his wings.

 You built off of each other’s strengths while guarding each other’s weaknesses.

 He was not your Romeo and you were not his Juliet. Your love was not a quick fuse- blinding and destructive; it was the crackle of the fireplace on a cold winter night. It was warm and embracing.

 Like fire, you were not the stuff of fairy-tales but of harsh realities. You would blaze brighter at some moments before returning to your comfortable glow. You would spit embers when pushed too far. Sometimes it took some help to keep the spark from distinguishing. But this time, you weren’t sure what it would take.

 ***

 You’d never been this long without talking. Spencer was never usually one to be quiet, his constant rambling a comforting background hum that filled the silence of even your darkest days.

 But it had been six.

 Six days of silence and the feeling that maybe you both had gone too far. It was affecting your work, and the team had noticed the absence of your subtle hand touches and intimate smiles. They knew something was going on between the two of you, but not what.

 The team was lucky; they weren’t present for the screaming match that happened the minute the two of you got behind the closed door of your apartment after the first day. They didn’t know that you had temporarily moved out of Spencer’s apartment, and were currently living in a shifty motel minutes away from headquarters.

 But they knew something was wrong.

 On day seven, you arrived in the office early in an attempt to bury yourself in casework, knowing Spencer was still at least an hour away from arriving. Your eyes were red and swollen from the angry tears you had shed on your drive over, and no amount of eye drops had allowed it to subside.

 On your way in Penelope, her eyes clouded with concern, stopped you as you exited the elevator. “Y/N, what’s going on, honey? Please talk to me.”

 You bowed your head in an attempt to ignore her, walking quickly through the glass doors towards your cubicle but the technical analyst was hot on your heels. “Just… not now, okay Penny?”

 The click of her heels followed you despite your protests and you sighed, exhausted by the prospect of sharing how you felt and talking when all you really wanted to do was cry. Your world felt like it was crumbling around you; it felt like you were losing your best friend of almost a decade and your boyfriend of almost four, and that wasn’t something you exactly wanted to gab about.

 She caught up to you nonetheless. “No, Y/N, please. Sweetie, you and Spencer aren’t okay and the team has noticed, especially when you two didn’t sit together on the flight home last night. I mean, I noticed and I’m not a profiler. I don’t want to push—.”

 “Then don’t.” You snapped, throwing your bag onto your desk and turning towards your co-worker. The hurt in her eyes made you feel awful and you let out a choked sigh, rubbing your face roughly. “Penelope, I’m so sorry. I just can’t talk about it right now… I just need to work.”

 You could see that despite everything, she was trying to understand. She gave you a sad smile and reached out to you tentatively, patting your arm with a gentle look. The two of you stood there for a moment before she gave your arm a reassuring squeeze. “I’m going to make some tea. Would you like some?”

 You gave her a tired and grateful nod and she bobbed her head in confirmation before quickly skittering off. You took your seat at your desk and bowed your head in your hands, taking a moment to breathe before opening the first file you saw.

  Spencer was suffering. Never the one to be lost for words, he couldn’t put his finger on why things had spiralled in the way he did. In the apartment the two of you shared… used to share, he fiddled absentmindedly with buttons of the cardigan you had thrown over the kitchen chair. It still smelled like you.

 He tossed it away with a frustrated groan.  He knew he was to blame in all of this. He was… on edge.

 Maybe he was looking for an excuse.

 The ring was in the inner pocket of his messenger bag, carefully placed amidst the case files and briefs, waiting for its moment to shine. It had resided there for six months… waiting for him to find the right time to present it to you along with everything it represented. But he couldn’t.

 Now he didn’t know if he ever would. The young doctor raked his hands through his hair anxiously.

 “Where do you see us in the next few years?”

 You had been cuddled together in bed, his slender fingers tracing lazy circles on your arms as you fiddled with his hair. The question had been innocent enough—but he had frozen at the question, and you had noticed. Of course you had noticed. “I, uh…” You had both expressed your desire for kids and marriage and a future together, and your most recent case had dealt with a jilted ex-fiancée. It was only natural this conversation would come up eventually.

 You had noticed his change in attitude over the last few months. He was quieter than usual, and when he spoke his thoughts trailed off frequently. He was spending more time away from the house, more time in his head when he wasn’t. And there were the phone calls.

 You tensed. “Spencer.”

 “I don’t… know.”

 You had sat up abruptly, jerking away from him and causing him to scramble into an upright position. “You ‘don’t know’.”

 It had all gone downhill so quickly from there.

 God, why had I said that, he thought. Of course he had known where the two of you would be in a few years—he had the ring for a reason. But with you looking at him so full of unadulterated love, he had felt guilty because he knew you deserved everything in the world, and he was so afraid he couldn’t give it to you.

 ***

 You were still off sulking and Spencer had yet to arrive. Penelope didn’t know how much time the team had before either of you entered the office and went in search of the missing members of the BAU, so she had to move quickly.

 “I’ve asked you all here because our sweet like Boy and Girl Genius are at odds and I will not stand to see my dream couple torn apart after everything that’s happened with TomKat, and Heidi and Seal. My bleeding heart cannot take it.”

 “Tom Kat?” Rossi’s quiet scepticism was met by Emily’s subtle eye roll as she leaned towards him to explain.

 “She’s talking about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.”

 “Oh.”

 Penelope’s noise of derision returned the room’s focus to her. “They are not important! What’s important is that Y/N and Spencer are clearly not in good places right now and we need to fix that!”

 Emily leaned back in her seat, considering the complexity of the situation. “Garcia, what are we supposed to do? How many times have we seen them fight in the last four years? Twice, maybe? And those fights lasted what, a total of two hours tops? It’s been six days. Clearly this isn’t something small.”

 Penelope’s face drooped as she nodded sadly. “I know, but we can’t just sit here while they drift apart.”

 “Frankly, I agree with Garcia.” There was a room-wide expression of surprise at Hotch’s interjection. His stern face was pinched, a hand rubbing at his temple as he continued on. “Apart from whatever implications it’s having on their relationship, it’s affecting the team’s dynamic. Y/L/N and Reid are both clearly not in the right head space to complete anything properly, and I’d rather not make their relationship a cause for professional reprimand.”

 The silence of the room was broken a moment later by JJ, her voice subdued as she fiddled with a piece of paper on the table. “He bought a ring, you know.”

 “He what?” Despite the general shock, Derek was the one whose voice rang the loudest.

 The blonde agent was clearly conflicted with how much of her confidential conversations she should be sharing with the group of experienced profilers. “Six months ago. He’s been waiting for the right moment to propose but you know how he is. He’s spent so much time with me and Will, constantly trying to perfect his proposal that he’s probably driven himself crazy.”

 Rossi clucked his tongue, his brain shifting quickly with the insight of new information. “We did just finish that case regarding the woman who killed the ex-partners of her fiancé.”

 “And the fighting started the day after, didn’t it?” Emily’s face was drawn tightly, an almost pained look of concern shaping her features. “Do you think he proposed and she turned him down?”

 “Now, I know Pretty Ricky’s a little slow on the social cues but there is no way in hell that boy would choose to propose after a train wreck of a case like that. Even I wouldn’t want to think about settling down after what we just saw.”

 “Whatever it was, it was bad, guys. Y/N is miserable all the time, and I don’t think Reid has said more than a few hundred words this entire week.” Penelope had taken to pacing back and forth in front of the head of the table, the tap of her heels echoing through the room. “But I have a plan…”

 ***

 The words in front of you might as well have been written in some lost language that no one had deigned to learn in the last several centuries. You slid the case file away from you, suddenly overwhelmed by the clutter that surrounded you.

 It had been several hours of this, this stressed false productivity that you were sure had resulted in numerous case reports you would have to re-do later. But at least you weren’t on a case and at least you had been left alone. Spencer had shown up an hour or so later after you had, quickly avoiding your gaze as he hurried past your desk to his own, and you had resigned yourself to another day full of silence and heartache.

 The remaining members of the BAU had also been suspiciously silent, and you had caught them staring at you or Spencer multiple times throughout the day before resigning to strained whispers. You tried to ignore it as best you could, not needing the stress of your team on top of your own.

 It wasn’t until the end of the day anyone spoke to you aside from the usual pleasantries and small talk. Derek had sauntered up to your desk to find you staring blankly at a crime scene report and he sighed at the sight. “Lil mama, you’re breaking my heart over here.”

 You glanced up at him warily as he took a seat on the edge of your desk, picking up one of the many case files you were feeling buried under. “Hm?”

 “You’re bringing down my mood, girl! I was totally set to have a day-off from the field and I can’t even enjoy it because you and Little Boy Blue over there are harshin’ my groove. So you’re going to follow me, and we’re going to get out of this sad little bubble you’re in and do something to bring a smile back to that pretty little face of yours. Alright?”

 You gave him a hesitant nod and he awarded you with a mega-watt grin when the hint of a smile graced your lips. “Alright!” He cheered jokingly as he gently raised your chin to admire your attempt. “She still smiles!”

 That did it, and you felt yourself smiling genuinely for what felt like the first time in forever. You reached for your bag and wallet, but Derek shook his head as he grabbed your hand. “Nope— Adventure’s on me, sweetness.” You shrugged and left your bag where it sat under your desk, following Derek as he pulled you along.

 Spencer watched your interaction from behind his cubicle walls, a growing pit in his stomach as he watched Derek finally draw the first smile from you he had seen since your fight. He was happy you had support, but that didn’t make it any easier to witness. JJ was the one who finally broke him out of his reverie, pulling his gaze from you as you and Derek walked away.

 “Hey.” The young agent turned to face his confidant with a desolate smile.

 “Hi, JJ.” Her gaze followed the direction of his as she watched Derek chatting to you animatedly while you waited for the elevator. She let out a sad sigh and looked pityingly at the man in the chair.

 “Oh, Spence…”

 His face crumpled at her words, and he dropped his head into his hands. “I really messed up, JJ.” She knelt down in front of him, placing her hands on his knees in an attempt to regain his focus. She tried to regain eye contact, but with his head bowed, dark curls and large hands obscured her view. JJ squeezed his knees reassuringly.

 “Let’s go for a walk and we can talk about it. Okay?”  

 Spencer nodded from behind his hands, allowing the agent in front of him to stand and pull him up from his seat before she wrapped a supportive arm around his waist.

 ***

 Derek had made you wander around outside, leading you down a small path behind the building towards a sprawl of restaurants and coffee shops. You had, for just a moment, thought you had seen Hotch and Emily standing inside one of the French restaurants you had passed, but it was probably just a non-descript dark haired couple. Somehow, before you knew it the sun was quickly setting, and you realized you had managed to spend a stress-free hour or two without thinking about Spencer once.

 On your way back to the office Derek stopped, you grabbing your arm gently to pull you into a surprising hug. It was a welcomed comfort. “I just want you to know, kid. We’re all rooting for you.” The sincerity of his statement was sweet, if not a little out of place, but you smiled gratefully in spite of your confusion.

 “Thanks, Derek.”

 He gave you a final squeeze before motioning you inside so that you could grab the things you had left behind. It wasn’t until you reached the elevators that you realized he was no longer behind you, somehow slipping away silently after his words of encouragement. You shrugged it off, knowing he probably needed to get home to Savannah, and that it would have made no sense for him to follow you upstairs just to return down to the car park.

 It was a lot later than you expected when you got off the elevator and began the walk towards the BAU’s office segment. Luckily, that meant you didn’t need to talk to anyone or stay for particularly long.

 Yet when you pushed through the glass doors of the BAU, you froze.

 The bullpen was…awe-inspiring. It didn’t look anything like the space you were used to, the cubicles covered in gauzy white sheets strung with fairy lights that gave an ethereal glow to the entire room without the harsh overhead lighting. In the centre of it all was a small table, intimately dressed with a fine tablecloth and a bottle of champagne sitting in a bucket of ice. You couldn’t tell what was on the plates from where you stood but it smelled incredible.

 It wasn’t long before you realized you weren’t alone.

 Spencer cleared his throat, causing you to jump as he gave you an apologetic grimace. “Grabbing this?” He was holding your purse delicately as you looked at him quizzically, the question ‘why are you here?’ clearly evident on your face. He cleared his throat again before looking down at his beaten up shoes. “JJ asked me to grab a file she had forgotten.”

 You shook your head wearily, nodding towards the table and the folded piece of paper that rested on top.

 “I think we’ve been ‘Parent Trapped’.” You murmured under your breath, your arms wrapping tightly around your stomach in an attempt to soothe yourself. Spencer’s slender fingers reached out to pluck the note off the table as he set your purse aside, reading the short letter with a vaguely humoured expression.

 “Dear Spencer and Y/N,

 We don’t like it when Mommy and Daddy fight.

Please make up.

 Love, the Team.”

 He held the note out to you and you took it, quickly recognizing Garcia’s curvy scroll.

 You groaned. Suddenly your outing with Derek and his constant watch checking made a lot more sense. Spencer gave you a timid smile as he stepped forward and gestured towards the expensive champagne Rossi had undoubtedly supplied. “At least we don’t have to pay for it?”  

 You stood stoic, your arms tense as you made no attempt to move towards the table and Spencer sighed. “Y/N.”

 The chance of the doors out of the office being unlocked was slim, especially if the whole team was involved. They had learned the hard way that you were frustratingly stubborn, and they would have wanted to remove any and all ways for you to avoid facing the situation at hand.

 Spencer stepped towards you, a dejected frown on his face when you unknowingly took a step back. “Y/N, please.”

 You stared at him wordlessly before walking silently over to the table and taking a seat. He followed behind you sullenly, taking his seat and watching you fiddle with the napkin beside your plate. It was clear now, seeing the elegantly plated ratatouille and cheese plates that it had been Prentiss and Hotch you had seen earlier… everyone had had a part to play, it seemed.

 It was some time before you found the words that had been floating around your head for a week. “Do you not love me anymore?”

 Spencer spluttered, the fork he had been balancing in his hand making a loud clang as it fell to the table. “What?”

 “Do you not love me anymore?” You repeated, raising your eyes to his so he could see the hurt and doubt reflected in them. Immediately, his hands reached to grab yours—he held them tightly as if you would leave him that very moment if he let go.

 “Y/N. I can’t even—I don’t—I wouldn’t…”

 Now that the silence had been broken, it was hard to stop talking. “Because if you don’t see a future with me, Spencer, even if you do love me, I would want to know now.” It was harder to breathe as spoke and your words were coming out with more difficulty. “I – I love you, Spencer, but I can’t stay with someone who after four years doesn’t love me like I love them. I can’t stay with you if you’re scared of a future with me.”

 Spencer stared at you in disbelief, his heart aching as he watched you hold back tears. He took a deep breath, realizing that if there was ever a moment where he needed to take the leap, this was it.

 “Y/N, you asked me a week ago where I saw our relationship going. And… and I panicked. Not because I didn’t see us having a future but because there was no future I could see for myself without you in it.”

 You held your breath, somehow feeling numb and like every nerve ending in your body was on edge at the same time.  You stared down at your intertwined fingers, and marvelled at the way they had always fit together so perfectly. Spencer’s expression was soft when you lifted your gaze back to his.

 “Every day, we leave home, our home, and we face monsters. We see people at their lowest moments, when they’re dealing with unimaginable loss and pain.” He swallowed nervously as he gripped your hand tighter. “And from the moment I met you, I began to imagine what that would feel like. Because if I lost you, I don’t think I would ever be able to recover from that.  I’m so in love with you it scares me sometimes, because every time we leave home, I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you.”

 You let out a gentle sigh. “Spencer…” He shook his head to signal he wasn’t finished.

 “And I know I don’t need to be because you are more than able to take care of yourself. But I’m still scared every single day that I won’t get to wake up next to you for the rest of my life, or I won’t get to raise a family with you. That is what terrifies me, Y/N. Not being with you, but being without you.”

 The tears that had slowly been building behind your eyes had silently begun to overflow; you brushed absently at your face in an attempt to wipe them away while Spencer used the moment to reach inside of his book bag. The small navy blue box that had appeared in his hand did nothing to slow your tears. His voice came out slightly choked at his first attempt and he cleared his throat before trying again.  You had somehow missed him getting on his knees. “Y/N Y/L/N, you have made me a better person in every single way possible, and if you’ll have me, I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. Y/N, will you marry me?”

 You weren’t able to hear the giddy squeals and surprised gasps coming from Penelope’s office, but they would have only added to the surreal nature of the situation. You nodded your head vigorously, the words stuck in your throat. Finally, you manage to choke out a, “yes”.

 Spencer beamed up at you, slipping the band over your finger before pulling you into a tender kiss as your hands moved up his shoulders to weave into his hair. You stood like that for what felt like a small lifetime, intertwined and giddy at the realization of what you both had just committed to.

 “Thank God she said yes, you little Casanova, otherwise I would have accepted for her.” The two of you pulled apart in shock, the voice coming from the overhead system startling you from your idyllic moment. It took just a few moments before the cavalcade of BAU agents descended the stairs, swarming to you like moths to a light. Garcia led the procession, and as such, was the first to engulf you in an ecstatic embrace. “I’m so sorry for interrupting but I couldn’t help it.”

 Derek was grinning from ear to ear as he clapped Spencer’s shoulder in celebratory manner. “Man, I can’t believe Pretty Boy popped the question before me. Definitely didn’t expect that.” He proceeded to pull you into a bear hug, raising you off the ground in his excitement and eliciting giggles from you in return.

 “Congratulations, you two. May you learn from every single mistake I made in my three marriages and never repeat them.” Rossi chuckled.

 JJ pulled Spencer into a tight hug, “I’m so proud of you, Spence.” She whispered as he squeezed her tightly.

 Hotch and Emily offered their congratulations as well, before Hotch began to round up the group. “Alright, alright. Let’s leave them to it.” Final smiles and hugs were exchanged as Hotch turned to face the two of you. “We got the maintenance crew to hold off cleaning until tomorrow. Enjoy yourselves.”

 “But not too much.” Emily chipped in cheekily, winking at Spencer who quickly developed a healthy flush at the insinuation.

 “I have cameras everywhere.” Garcia said with a pointed grin, as Derek pushed her towards the doors. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Which still leaves you with a lot.”

 You watched them begin to leave and you stepped forward hesitantly, calling out to your team, your family, that had done everything they knew how to fan your spark when you didn’t know where to start.

 “Guys?”

 The members of the BAU turned back to face you as you smiled appreciatively. Spencer’s hand had found his way back into yours and you were more than happy to realize there was no reason you would ever have to let go again.

 “Thank you.”

___

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