#honestly doing a service to the world with that concept (me n anyone who has had the same idea)

[her-canine-teeth]

brutal by olivia rodrigo

[suuho]

Hey!! How’re you doing?

I saw this comment on reddit the other day and it was about Seventeen needing to cut the y/n fanservice boyfriend thing because it would end up in a Chen situation and it made me really curious as to what you thought about this comment!

Ofc you don’t have to! I just found this kind of interesting :) hope you’re well!

hi! i am doing okay. i am on vacation right now, so i am pretty relaxed right now - my anxiety is at a manageable level and so are my other little chronic issues. thank you! i hope you are doing well, too.

now, to your question. i think this is an issue with a lot of layers. on one hand, there is obviously exo. at one point, exo was korea's biggest boygroup, literally their first choice in presenting the nation that is south korea (their nickname 'the nation's first pick' doesn't come from nowhere), and with that along came a lot of honors and opporturnities. so, exo was a little more than just a y/n fanservice boyfriend group, they have had a cultural and national significance. in that case, the member to become married/a father first was always gonna end up in a tricky situation. the other side of the story, though, is that these men don't owe anyone anything, not even their fans. especially not the fans that are delusional enough to buy into a fabricated notion of being a pop-star's girlfriend. jongdae had (and still has) every right in the world to start a family and get married, just as k-drama actors do and the general population is allowed to as well. why would this be a privilege to him? he is a singer, first and foremost. yes, he is an idol, but even in their hayday, exo wasn't the most fan service-y group in the world. there are members in the group that are and never will be game for it (think kyungsoo, for example, sehun too, and yes, jongdae as well), and on the other side there are members, like baekhyun, minseok and junmyeon, that do a lot of fanservice, especially baekhyun. and even so, these days it is rarely about being y/n's boyfriend.

the thing with seventeen is sort of the same except that they don't have the same cultural relevancy as exo did. there are members in the group who do not engage in that sort of fanservice - woozi, first and foremost, minghao (who shuts it down at first glance), vernon, jeonghan (who teases and turns it upon its head rather than fully engages in y/n nonsense), wonwoo. the members that do are obviously the ones most "sought" after. people go crazy over mingyu and joshua (and even joshua is rather tame). but honestly, the only person who baits hard in that direction is mingyu ... and i think he a) is having a good time with it and b) has every girl or guy he interacts with romantically or sexually so tightly locked under a book-thick NDA, we will never know shit beyond gossip.

so, in conclusion. i do not think they have to cut out anything - their concepts rarely revolve around girls anymore, and more around conceptualized ideas of love/infatuation/longing or lore, and you can see it in the _world mv already. it's a POV mv without a female (or male) lead, for that matter. it is up to the viewer to feel drawn in. i see seventeen as men my own age and while i love to joke about vernon or jihoon, i have absolutely no delusions in that regard. it is all in good fun. after all, this is the purpose of many kpop groups and there is no harm in engaging with it and having a little fun. (as a gay male bg fan, i have absolutely no illusions, by the way. just saying.)

that said, there will always be controversy when an idol announces their marriage or engagement, and i wish there wasn't. these people are allowed a private life just as much as anyone else and the general (korean) public should stop shunning men for living their lives instead of adhering to the made up version people have of them.

[binniesthighs]

multifandom soulmate aus ✨

soulmate (n): a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

✨ a/n: hello hello!! today on, “Ro’s self indulgent fics” ehehe i’ve been thinking a lot about some of my favorite kpop besties and how i feel like sometimes in a group, there’s the members who just stick like glue and it’s kinda like they were destined to meet that way! anyway hehe this concept is so fkn cute to me so i wanted to make some poly r-ship headcannons with some of my favorites! 

➛ disclaimer: the pairings that i use are def not all inclusive of all “soulmate” pairings out there, just the ones i know of atm! also, i know some of these groups better than others, so some will be more specific, and others a little more general! 

✨ groups included: stray kids, ateez, the boyz, monsta x, seventeen, txt, bts 

✨ feedback is always appreciated! who’s your favorite?✨

➛maybe if we’re feelin’ spicy i can do a part 2 with the ones i haven’t done yet ;) 

Pairing: idol x female reader x idol (see fandoms above!) 

Genre: fluff n’ smut

Tags: established r/ship au, poly r-ship, sexual content (the usual stuff also including unprotected sex-please stay safe!) comfort ahhh, mentions of food alcohol  

*all photocreds go to ops :) 

both sfw and nsfw under the snip snip! 

♡ chanlix ♡

sfw

omg where the hell do i start with chanlix we love our cannon soulmates 

arguably the softest fkn pairing on this list; being soulmates with chanlix is like meeting your other halves (thirds?). there’s some serious destiny at work here!! 

the three of you understand each other on a spiritual level--almost to the point where you could likely read their minds if you wanted to try haha. there’s also a really, really strong type of emotional intimacy that you share with them that’s out of this world. 

this soulmate bond is so fkn strong, the three of you could go through any hardships and come out of it stronger than ever! 

the three of you have cute lil nicknames for eachother that you thought up yourselves! 

 your families are close as heck! it’s really pure how by the three of you so many people can get close ahhh 

i think that chanlix would be really into more outdoorsy dates? camping, swimming, hiking, sightseeing, stargazing, picnics etc! felix also loves taking you on food tours! 

bc chan is chan, he really takes on such a protective role over you and felix, he would quite literally do anything for you two: forgot your notebook or documents on the way to work/school? he’ll drop everything to bring them to you. sad? he’ll get you your favorite food, tons of blankets, his hoodie to wear and your favorite movie/tv show to watch with you! if anyone hurts your feelings too he will square tf up. 

felix is the world’s most adoring boyfriend in so, so many ways. not only is he such a cuddle bug, he shows you that he cares with tons of acts of service similar to chan! this comes in the form of his baking of course and other silly little gifts he sees that reminds you of him. he isn’t the best at words sometimes, but will soothe you by giving you a little massage or by playing with your hair! 

nsfw 

okay...😏 damn i’ve been wanting to write some poly chanlix so fkn bad ahhhh 

once again i really see chan taking the lead in more intimate situations. he really likes giving directions and seeing both you and felix carry them out! honestly he gets a bit of an ego boost seeing the both of you all whiny and fucked out ahhh 

here i come with my softsub!felix agenda oops hehe but this boy is frickin’ angelic for you and chan oml, he always asks for permission before he does things and eats praise up with a fkn spoon. praises alone really get him off: “does lixie like it when i play with his cute cock like this?” 

there’s something that gets the three of you ridiculously amped when you do all kinds of roleplay scenarios FRICK some favorites are pet play (you and lix being the kitties) teacher/student, roleplaying strangers, sex slaves, artist/muse, oh my god there was a halloween where you once did vampire roleplay you still think about it 🤤 

since the three of you are so comfortable with eachother, experimentation feels really safe! for example, the suggestion of shibari came up and now....let’s just say lix looks really pretty tied up ;) 

chan’s got a huuuuge (cock) and size kink!! he really likes topping both you and lix and seeing a bulge omg.... also when he can bulge your throats mmmhm! 

felix loves it especially when you ride his face, and he cold do it for hours! he looks so cute between your legs when he licks over and over your clit. he’ll ask you too if he’s doing good and you better say yes ;) 

favorite position would be all cuddled up and cozy with the two of them double penetrating you real nice and slow with tons of kisses and just touchin’ all over 

cockwarming cockwarming all day, every single time, without fail, it feels wrong if you finish without it! 

♡ woosan  ♡

sfw 

idk why but the first thing that comes to my mind is that in certain settings, ya’ll are loud as fuck AHA i guess what i mean to say as that as a trio, you are all super, super unapologetic and confident when around each other! this might have lead to you getting kicked out of a couple bowling alleys and karaoke places before... 

there’s a type of unspoken understanding that the three of you have that makes your bond so special. while you love eachother so dearly, it isn’t something that you really feel needs to be said out loud, it kind of just is! 

woosan are already really clingy on their own and when you come along?? you all can’t keep your hands off each other!! ya know how in movies there’s the whole “hand in the back pocket of your jeans???” woosan!! 

their energy together is so fkn chaotic but that's why you love them! they never fail to make you laugh and this is also the best way that they know how to cheer you up! 

Bc the three of you are a bit unbridled, it’s a bit hard to be serious at times when you go on dates/hang out with friends together so often you get some affectionate eye rolls haha 

wooyoung is someone that will try anything with you! hehe even if he knows that he mind not be that into it, he’ll still go with you! of course, he might say something snarky but he really does love just spending time with you! wooyoung also shares you with all his friends (changbin, yeonjun) so lowkey it feels like you’re one of the bros at times LOL 

san is a big fan of giving you gifts! oh also! words of affirmation too, san is someone who knows your insecurities well, so hypes you tf up all the time!! he especially loves buying things for you that he knows you’ll look pretty in just so he can compliment you ahhh 

at the end of the day however, there’s nothing more more that the three of you love than the tightest cuddles ever as you fall asleep! honestly, sometimes its a little too tight haha 

nsfw 

THESE BOYS FKN RAVISH YOU LIKE YOU’RE A FIVE COURSE MEAL 

and of course they expect the same from you as well! i mean....can you blame them??? these boys are sexy as hell and they frickin’ know it!! 

i have this super clear image of both of them stripping you down and rubbing massage oil all over your body and then giving you the turn to do it to them my lord...

sort of along this line, temperature play makes these boys feral. wax, ice, blowies with popsicles you name it 

both of them really just like being touched all over because they have the prettiest dancer’s bodies and just feeling hands on their muscles makes them loose it. 

wooyoung loves to mark the hell out the both of you in a really territorial way: all over your chests and necks even on your thighssss 

san, while he often does find himself in sub space, really easily can switch to dom you in the most beautiful way. everything with him is really intimate and raw: if this wasn’t already obvious haha he would like have a hand kink and loves seeing the way that his fingers look pumping in and out of your entrance and how your juices look as well. 

back too wooyoung, he’s the king of oral. whether it’s going down on you and sucking at your clit or deep throating with master level skill...foreplay is never boring with him! 

in my brain, i can see the both of them filling nearly position so this makes for an interesting dynamic to say the least AHA 

every once and a while, they’ll let you take complete control of the both of them while they just sit back and watch you with the most smug-ass grins that you’ll see in your life! 

AH another thought: woosan fkn love when you squirt on them, in any way this might look: when you’re nearly screaming in your overstimulation they want it all over them. 

favorite position would be 69 threesome style with all of your sloppy moans in-between <3 

♡  moonbae  ♡

sfw 

HEAR ME OUT the king of soulmates that know that they are soulmates but don’t take it seriously in the slightest istg this is my most favorite dynamic ahhhh 

there is not one dull day with these two boys, they’ll have you laughing in stiches until you can barely breathe like, the best kind of wheezy, silent laughter ya know what i’m talking about 

INSIDE JOKES literally so many inside jokes with the three of you 

Kevin is never scared to call your ass out, but that’s bc he knows you so well!! it’s all just jokes don’t ya worry ;) 

Along this line, your groupchat like has some random-ass name that’s also an inside joke

Jacob on the other hand is the biggest sweetheart when it comes to you, boy frickin’ melts. There is not a day that goes by when he hasn’t told you he loves ya morning and night. 

Also the best listener in the whole world, you can tell him anything and everything and he’s just sit and listen and give advice. 

Kevin loves you a ton a ton but just shows it differently! He remembers all the little things about you that you tell him to the point it’s scary how he does it so well 

Meme king Kevin would send you memes that remind him of you and Jacob

Lowkey i can see the both of them getting into the cutest petty arguments like which one of them you love more or think is more talented AHA again it’s all in good fun hehe 

it goes without saying but...it’s cuddle central up in here. 

THEY WOULD SERENADE TF OUT OF YOU oh my god it’s literally heavenly, Kevin would play piano and Jacob would play guitar FRICK 

You have oddly specific dates?? Like they would pick a movie to go see that the three of you would all hate just to meme the whole time. Jacob would still get invested accidentally tho. 

The way to both of these boy’s hearts is their stomachs so when you cook for them they would quite literally do anything for you 

nsfw 

ok ok so i’m a baby deobi so this is the gist of what i’m getting (i also did a little research LOL thank you @ deobi smutblr hehe) 

firstly i would like to say that i’m manifesting thigh riding with Jacob and i literally can’t think of anything else for some reason just p h e w and BOY does he love it too he thinks its so fkn cute to watch you! 

i get heavy, heavy switch vibes from Kevin with maybe some sub leanings??? either way, jacob def has soft dom vibes (oh god and occasional soft sub) to me but also has no problem with you taking control and doing what you like to him if that’s what you desire! 

kevin is impatient impatient and does not do well with your teasing. also...loud as hell, like, sometimes you have to tell him that he needs to calm tf down hehe (but of course you love it when he gets like that) 

separately, both of them are very different experiences i think: kevin is a fan of hard and fast, kitchen counter over the sofa type stuff sloppy toppy in risky places, and he loves to experiment too! 

jacob is also really different where he likes much, much more slow and intimate stuff like missionary, shower sex, real atmospheric stuff like candles and nice scents ahhh BIG fan of really fluffy pet names too like baby, princess, angel etc. super visual too omggg gets hard when you strip for him i think ;) 

together it’s a fkn whirlwind i’ll tell ya that. its like, honestly the most unique experience i can think of on this list because the two of them are so different. i will say that it can end up being really giggly and sweet tho! 

when it’s the three of you, kevin’s dom side comes out a little more so you’re left with these two lovely boys who want to give you all the attention! it’s lowkey a competition lol 

favorite position is when you’re sucking jacob off and kevin gets to do literally whatever the hell he wants with your pussy...i imagine that it might have to do a lot with edging if you ask me ;) 

♡ jookyun  ♡ 

sfw

oddly, i find myself soft af for jookyun and idk how to describe it haha (considering that they can often be hard as hellll) 

the three of you are also really nonchalant, but this is really in the way that you just feel as if you’ve known eachother for a really long time! 

as we know, jookyun were a bit of an enimies to lovers arc (AHA) so with the time that they’ve spent building their bond, it’s strong asf! 

i like to think that jooheon and changkyun would really get a ton of artistic inspiration from you for their music. since both of them write and often reflect bc of this, you’re totally their muse! (they’ll write some nasty as hell lyrics thanks to you too LOL) 

while our lovely thicc mx boys have unbridled confidence at times, really, they are babie. and they are frickin weak for your pampering. 

because of this, the two of them would become flustered as all hell when you do lil things for them!! this could be making them some lunch or just giving them the off compliment that they look a lil extra handsome that day. 

your safe place is with them!! ahhh i would also like to add the number of slick ass grabs when you’re in public is a bit off the chain at times ahah 

the duality of this r/ship is really something to note LOL when you go out and about when the two of them you certainly get some stares bc they look a lil intimidating at times but when you and your boyfriends cuddle up on the subway you give all passerby's whiplash haahah

Kyun is someone who is insanely romantic. almost to the point that it is cheesy haha he’d treat the both of you to expensive ass dinners, beach vacations and maybe even matching couple’s jewelry like rings or bracelets! 

jooheon on the other hand is a little more toned down haha but has another side to him that fkn swells with pride knowing how breathtaking you both are...frankly, his ego skyrockets knowing that he’s got you both for arm candy if this make sense teehee 

the three of you call eachother “babe” interchangeably, so it can get a bit confusing when you’re all in the same place and someone says “hey babe?” you need a new nickname ooP 

nsfw 

hello and here i am to push the sub!changkyun agenda. first and foremost i would like to explain how this man is such a pillow princess with the most lovely bratty edge *sighs* all that kyun wants is for you to fkn use him and do literally whatever the hell you want!! this man daydreams about you riding him right then and there wherever the hell he is. 

also, kyun is the king of toys, both using them on you and on himself! need i also say breath play as well in the same giving and receiving form? more than anything he loves it when jooheon wraps his hand around his neck hooooly ahhh he prefers it when you tease his tip with a vibrator until he’s angrily red and begging for you to give him a break just for you to bend down and give a kiss to his pearly head which makes him jolt 

jooheon is often more of a soft to hard dom if you ask me and takes care of both you and kyun really well. also... he will manhandle the hell out of you if you feel up for it (cough cough your arm kink for him ) oh shit and his thighs....don't’ even get me started 

while the three of you often opt for the hard and fast (even in some more risque places--such as in the recoding studio) there are really some more intimate times that you share too! 

on one of changkyun’s vacations, in the middle of the night, when no one was in sight and the hot tub was free for use...it started out as a bit of making out but then turned into something else when you decided to straddle jooheon and he let his hands creep under the straps of your swimsuit...needless to say you were bouncing on both of their dicks while you were warmed by the crackling bubbles 

at times, jookyun can get a little needy and impatient without you, so this has lead to a couple situations where you walk in on them letting out their frustrations ;) of course, immediately then they’d love for you to join! 

kyun has an oral fixation too, sooo he may or may not love cockwarming with his mouth or sucking your fingers lightly when you go to suck his dick~ 

♡  junhao  ♡

sfw

here me out with this one...but...there’s something really intimate about this relationship?? oh how to put this into words LOL junhao also have an insanely deep bond that really transcends if ya ask me haha 

while they both can be really goofy around eachother when comfortable the soulmate vibes are just...immaculate! this is all i can say? all three of you are just so connected in the way that you accept each other for all that you are and just kind of naturally gravitate towards each other even before you really knew that there were romantic feelings involved! 

first, i would like to say that out of all the pairings on this list, you three are classy as FUCK. seeing the three of you next to eachother is like seeing literally three models in the flesh. the way that you dress (sometimes even to match a little) is unbelievable bc you all just look so good? 

hand holdingggg wherever you go! holding hands across cafe tables, playing with each other’s hands absentmindedly hehe 

TRAVEL BUDDIES you would go anywhere with them and take tons of pics!! i mean the prettiest pics 

hao shows his love for you in the form of so many things, all of which he makes himself!! you inspire his physical art and drawings which he shares with you and he also loves to take clothes too and personalize them for you! 

jun on the other hand would take you to the studioooo and you could watch him danceee oh my gosh he’s literally so breathtaking and he would be dancing just for you with every curve of his body he’s so magical :’) then he’d ask you for feedback and you’d just be speachless...also loves to make you smile!! just being his goofy self he’s the best at it and thinks you’re so cute! 

there’s a ton of adoration in this relationship! tons of cute little displays of skinship that might look like a poke in the cheek or the fluffing of their hair ahh 

still, i feel like you would have kind of silly little nicknames for them that match their personalities and perhaps...you could have matching phone cases with these nicknames.... 

in this relationship there’s a ton of quiet moments that are really peaceful and indulgent such as watching sunsets, drinking wine together, just talking about life n stuff like that! 

nsfw 

hellz yeah we’re in for some more intimate-ass fuckin! but also....😏

this boys are kinky as shit but in like a really classy ass way lolll this is so hard to put into words. 

well, i’ll start with junhui catboy agenda so there’s that hehehe he would most def be into pet play: that could be like ears or pretty collars and of course calling you (or him) kitten. 

minghao is really versatile and doesn’t really like labels of dom and sub, he just does what he wants and what feels good to him! bc we’re talking about how intimate everything is, the kind of sex that you share with them is often never rushed but really purposeful and even planned sometimes! 

i also see there being TONS of sensory items that would come into play with junhao such as flowers, fragrances, aphrodisiacs, all kinds of fabrics for sensory deprovision such as velvet, silk, hemp rope, and so much more! 

BOTH OF THEM WOULD SOUND ANGELLIC i see hao as letting out really pretty soft moans that kind of trail on his tongue and jun sort of choking out gasps with a bit of a rasp to them when they cum or they feel turned on

oh god MIRROR SEX that's what i have to say about this 

it doesn’t happen often, but sometimes when any one of you would be feeling needy or pent up they can certainly do hard and fast with you between the two of them. especially when this happens, oh my god hao loves it when you moan really breathily into his mouth when you’re pressed against him ooooh shit 

and jun loves it when you bite into his shoulder too when he fucks you it just makes him feral 

actually, i could really see the three of you recording yourselves, or even taking pictures when you have more intimate moments to look at later, just for your own enjoyment or to get off when you’re without the others 

favorite position: hmmm mirror sex with you on top of minghao literally just kissing him and marking his body as jun eats you out until you’re dripping down to minghao’s cock which he jerks off too~ 

♡  yeonbin  ♡

sfw 

DON’T TOUCH ME IM SOFT  

admittedly i don’t know too much about this pairing but i do know a lil so i wanted to add them!! i also did a lil research hehe 

FIRST i would like to say that the three of you would without a doubt have the cutest puppy together, if not one, then two!! they would be little dogs with perfect haircuts and likely have their own instagram account which the three of you would run! they’d be instragram famous of course 

LITERALLY EVERY DAY ITS A FIGHT OVER WHOS CUTEST i kid you not this is an ongoing battle you’re all just...so weak for the other ahaha 

being in a relationship with them is like being in a relationship with your bestfriends! 

dates with the two of them can really range all over the place bc you just like having fun together! movie dates, breakfast dates, ZOO OR AQUARIUM DATES, taking little trips to places you haven’t been before or stay at home dates like having a little indoor picnic! 

soobin is really low energy, and would often opt to hang out with you at home or at a cafe while the two of you do your thing together! he lovessss when you bake or cook for him, literally whatever it is he’ll eat it! 

his smile is instant serotonin and the reason why you fell in love with him! the two of them together all smiley is your lockscreen! 

yeonjunie prefers going out with you clothes shopping and would DEF enable you to dye your hair a color that you’ve always been dying to do! he also loves showing you new music and blushes like heck when you tell him that you like the songs that he picks! 

in their own playful ways too, they’d always call you out on your bs LOLL but they just wanna motivate you! they’re your biggest cheerleaders! 

Deep down though, both of them are quite cheesy and would love to shower you with alll the stereotypical romance that you can take even if it makes all three of you cringe ahahah 

nsfw

NEEEEDY and literally so mf horny on the dl like it’s comical to how soft and shy they can be in real life situations 

oh my god this is a godly thought but i see both of them being both switchy as heck but not really bc they like how it feels to be in those different postions but literally....bc no matter what it is they are getting off lolll 

i see both of them having sub leanings but can get real bratty if they’re feeling it. 

yeonjun does have a dom side to him that just comes with his general confidence that he gets around you! when either of you beg from him he’s ready to let himself loose. 

im so sorry but they literally handed pet play to me on a silver platter with cat & dog and there is no going back for me. SO you’re in for puppy, kitty and bunny play (shhhh yeonjun’s got his fox ears too) 

WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT HOW ALL OF YOU WOULD LIKE THIGH HIGHS

both of them love being edged to high hell by you...no matter if it hurts...they kinda like it? 

at the same time, both of your boyfriends also love giving you all the attention at times too! i’m talking about one of them playing with your breasts while the other trails kisses down your body all the way down to your pussy aching for attention too

FUCK this might be just me but soobin eating you out>>>> a GODLY sight. 

i have this other fantasy of yeonjun with either lip piercings or nipple piercings or even a dick piercing someone plz tell me to calm down 

oh please...bubble bath with the two of them holy shit baby pink bubbles all around you while you take turns givin’ each other cute kisses ahhhh 

one more thing to the pile here would be hella mutual masturbation soo much of it. the three of you get off just simply watching eachother too and dirty talking how much you love the way the others look with hands rubbing themselves away with cute whiny moans~ 

♡ taekook ♡

sfw 

omg! this is my first time remotely talking about bts on my blog hehe this is so exciting!! i don’t really read too much bts ff so this is going off of my own perception! 

i just wanna say....there’s so much to unpack here LOL but like many of the soulmates on this list, these boys are ~whipped~ for you and eachother!! its so stinkin’ cute 

another thing about these expensive boyfriends is that they loooove to sing for you too! they’d sing you to sleep, when you’re sick, sad, or just had a hard day allllways hehe 

the three of you have sickeningly adorable nicknames for eachother, the kind that honestly make heads turn LOL 

jk would without a doubt get tattoos with you!! and wine drunk lollll he’s also a huge enabler so if there’s anything that you’re considering buying or doing he’d hype you up so bad you barely have to think twice heheh 

kinda like junhao they’d also make amazing travel buddies but less for the aesthetic, but for the luxury. you’d stay at amazing hotels and eat at Michelin star restaurants wearing luxury brands that they bought for you

i feel like this goes without saying, buuuut in this r/ship, its alll about the adoring glances from afar or even just right next to you bc they love you so much!! 

i also get a very protective vibe from them as well, you’re very special to them, and they never wanna see you in harms way or disrespected by anyone! this could even look like having their arm around you on the bus or on the small of your back in a crowd 

together, they’re the biggest jokesters and flirty as HELL they think that it’s so funny when they flirt out in public AGRESSIVELY just to make you a lil embarrassed hehe  

forehead kissessss and kisses on the back of your hand! 

nsfw 

luxurious in this area tooooo 

they would rent out the penthouse or presidential suite to make an evening for you and pull out all the stops: expensive champagne, lingerie selected just for you, a breathtaking view of the city ahhhh 

ya all know how much i love my soft and intimateeee body touching and there would be plenty of this! they take their time undressing you and eachother and would plant kisses into the nape of your neck and shoulders as you do so! 

i would like to contribute to this conversation sub!jk bc this is something that ahhhhh i really like to think about as well as soft dom tae bcccc why not heheh 

these boys are utterly gorgeous under soft lighting and prowling all over your body too tho ahhh 

BUT! imagine teasing the hell out of jk, barely letting him feel your mouth besides fleeting kisses while tae drives his hips into you from behindddd 

in fact, these boys actually don’t mind a little voyeurism with the wide windows in your suite, opting to leave them open so there's a bit of thrill in the way that they fuck you too~ 

tae has a bit of...dare i sayyyy a power kink, so when you call him names such as sir, daddy, master etc oh boy 

jk himself is bit into sensory dep specifically with blindfolds especially when its your hands travelling all around his body making him shiver. 

both of them just looove cuming all over you as well: face, ass, thighs, belly, literally anywhere, they just think that you look amazing like that! 

there are a couple times here and there when the three of you also do a bit of cam work together for other people to watch--although it isn’t often, you rake it in when you do so. the three of you are a perfect fantasy! 

sex also can happen in odd places with you three too since you can just start feeling it and don’t really care ;) strangest place....hmm i’d say when you joined the mile high club with them~ 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses! 

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz  @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @lmhmins @eunaeiekim

[curly-bangtan]

Blizzard (M)

Pairing: roommate!Jungkook x reader

Summary: When a blizzard hits your town, you and your shy awkward roommate are forced to spend time together, not being able to leave the house due to the strong snowstorm. To make matters worse, the power gets cut in the middle of his shower. Which also means no heating.

Genre: roommate au, domestic au, fluff, smut, strangers to lovers

Warnings: bit of a slow burner, vanilla!Jungkook, virgin!reader, dry humping, penetrative sex, fingering, oral (m receiving), losing virginity, shy soft boy Koo with a crush and a noona kink, your heart could possibly burst from how cute he is

Word Count: 15.5k oops

A/N: (This fic is written in parallel to Heatwave, with an opposing concept in mind. You don’t have to read Heatwave to read this, but it would be interesting and funny to see the differences in the two scenarios that both lead to roommates hooking up.) Also, happy birthday, bunny boy! Sorry this was a day late, I was honestly swarmed. I love you, koo. Writing this very much gave me a bias crisis but it was all worth it. Enjoy! :”)

PS. Think April 2019 Jungkook 

.

‘A severe snowstorm is set to hit us this weekend with temperatures dropping down to -16˚C. It is therefore ill-advised for anyone to leave their houses during this period until the blizzard subsides as the fifth snow-induced traffic accident has been reported this week in our town…’

You have always marvelled at how the weather lady announces such things with such a passionate captivating tone.

‘The calculated probability of a city-wide power cut is currently at 72%, so please be well-equipped to stay indoors for the next two days.’

Oh shit. A power cut?

This is not good at all. Not like you have any plans for this weekend anyway, and you wouldn’t necessarily mind being stuck inside since you are good at entertaining yourself. But to possibly have no warm water, no internet in the duration of these few days?

You are currently snugly rolled up in the warmth of your blanket burrito, a mug of chamomile tea fitted in your hands, the steam of which evaporates under your chin into a slick coat. Friday evenings have never been eventful for you as long as Jimin doesn’t drag you out to some bar with him. As introverted as one can get, you much prefer staying in and watching TV or endlessly browsing the web.

The distinct rattling of keys spins your attention to the front door. Hearing the plunge of the metal into the keyhole is strangely satisfying to your ears. In steps a pink-nosed, frost-dusted Jungkook, all wrapped up in winter apparel thick enough to make him waddle clumsily.

A gust of cold flares inside from the harsh outdoors, stray flakes of snow flying in after him and landing on the rich oak tiles of the foyer. From the couch, you see his silhouette breathe out a visible grey huff. The door behind him falls shut, once again entrapping the warm temperature into the confines of these walls.

You watch your roommate, humming to himself with his black earpods hooked in his ears, as he unties the scarf around his neck. He probably hasn’t noticed your presence yet; he’s always been a little clueless afterall.

Then he looks up and meets your lingering gaze.

You both jump a little, his humming ceases instantly, eyes scrambling, darting away to your surroundings: the quiet television, the arching lamp, the white powdered window panes. Anywhere but at each other.

Clearing your throat, you greet him softly . ‘Hi.’ Your thumb rubs at the lip-shaped tea stain on the rim of your mug.

‘Um, hi. Good evening, noona.’ He dips his head at you, hood drooping lower over his head. You are two years his senior, and despite your supposed familiarity, he insists on formalities.

The weather lady has now been replaced with the anchorman, who is droning on about the car accident this morning. Awkwardness hangs in the air between you, as it always does every time you speak. It’s now your turn to say something, you’re painfully aware. But what do you say?

‘Snow storm.’ It is a statement more than anything. As if he hasn’t noticed… Nice one. You immediately want to hide your face in the mint furry throw you’re wrapped in.

‘Yeah. Snow storm.’ The rubbery sound of the careless removal of his shoes against the floor is louder than his response. ‘Jimin didn’t make it.’

Your blood freezes. ‘Wait what?! Oh my god! What happened to him?’ It takes the blanket sliding off you for you to realise that you’ve stood up abruptly. Your body is immediately flushed with a breeze of cold, devoid of insulation.

The car accident… It can’t be…

Jungkook’s attention flickers to the glaring screen as he paces towards you and realises how he must’ve sounded. ‘Woah, sorry, I worded it badly. I mean, Jimin’s stuck at Taehyung’s because the snow is too thick for him to drive back. And the service on his phone is whack, so he can’t reach you. Taehyung told me. Sorry, I didn’t mean he didn’t make it.’ Nervous chuckle. Scratching the back of his head.

Never has he said this many words to you in one go, this must be a record. That, as well as your own silly misunderstanding of his words, makes you release a humoured breath. ‘Oh right… Haha… I’m stupid.’

‘No. my bad.’

Wow. If you two keep this up, this might just be your longest running conversation in the history of living together.

Because he’s looking at the floor rather than you, you feel the liberation to look directly at his face. His round nose is red from the freezing temperature, his teeth gnawing at his chapped lips. You follow his gaze travel across the dark wooden panels, reaching a halt at your feet.

‘You’ve got a hole in your sock, noona.’ He states.

Indeed you do. Under his wide-eyed glare, you can’t help but curl your toes inwards as if it would hide your pinkie jutting out of the fabric. The way he addresses you, how his lips form a pouted ring when he pronounces the “oo”, makes you particularly self conscious. ‘Oh… Yeah, I know, it’s fine. It’s my only pair of fuzzy socks.’ These socks have sheltered your feet for three winters only to betray you now, during a bloody blizzard. The icy floor licks at your exposed skin tauntingly.

Silence draws taut between you. Like you’re tied to opposite ends of a string and are both trying desperately to escape, to walk away from each other.

It’s his move now… Why isn’t he saying something? But at the same time, what can he possibly respond to ‘It’s my only pair of fuzzy socks.’?

‘Right… See you.’ Jungkook nods politely and heads for his room. And you know you probably won’t see him reemerge until tomorrow; it’s practically his batcave in there.

A shudder courses through your body. Though it’s not from the cold but rather the embarrassment of that encounter. Quickly switching off the TV, you hide back in the comforts of your blanket like a Halloween ghost and scurry into your own room to avoid seeing him again.

.

Jeon Jungkook.

Even the thought of his name makes you crease inward involuntarily like it’s some bad memory. Despite having lived under the same roof for more or less six months, neither of you have warmed to the other in the slightest. It’s not that you have anything against him; you’re sure he must be a lovely boy, but…

Well, when you put two shy individuals next to each other, you can’t really expect them to bond over their bashfulness. No, they both tend to retract into their shells.

How you came about living together is three simple syllables: Park Jimin. If it wasn’t for this one common thread you share, your worlds would never have collided.

Ever the caring friend, it goes without saying that Jimin would rent out his vacant room in his three-bedroom house to you without even a second of hesitation after Hoseok ditches the boys to move in with his girlfriend. You’ve met all his friends before. Jimin is a social butterfly afterall, how could he resist forcing all his best mates into a confined space and make them talk to each other, or more commonly known as a party?

Namjoon and you get along just fine, seeing as you both are whores for literature. Seokjin? As long as you compliment his cooking and force a giggle at his jokes, he’ll accept your friendship. Surprisingly, Yoongi took a liking to you; you guess is due to your mild mellow nature which must clear his headaches caused by this chaotic bunch. Unsurprisingly, Hoseok took a liking to you, well, because he’s Hoseok and incapable of negativity. Much to Jimin’s jealousy, you have a soft spot for Taehyung, his mysterious charm and boyish charisma; your friendship was almost instant.

But then Jungkook…

Your introduction was a blur of awkward hellos and unmet eyes. Every time you spoke to each other, it’s a nervous stutter from him or unwarranted silence from you. Worse, if the two of you happened to bump into each other in public, neither of you knew whether or not to say hi and commence a conversation like normal acquainted people, so it always ended up being an uncomfortably long pause before nodding out of courtesy then parting ways. It’s not like you belong to the same friendship group and see each other every week or anything.

Jungkook’s playful childisness shines brightly when surrounded by the boys, witch-cackle laugh and all. However, for some reason unbeknownst to anyone, this goofy side to him is immediately switched off in your presence, as if you’re the rain that extinguishes the flame of his candle. His body stiffens, eyes widen, voice stammers. Which only leads you to mirror his behaviour.

‘He’s just really uncomfortable around girls.’ Jimin has tried to offer the only plausible explanation. ‘Poor kid went to an all boys’ school his whole life, has only ever had one girlfriend who dumped him on their one year anniversary. Your femaleness scares him.’

That would be kind of cute, you guess, if you weren’t also a socially-uncomfortable hermit who requires soft gentle prodding in order to befriend. Because then you become two logs sitting beside each other, neither willing to inch towards the other.

Forgive Jimin’s mistake of thinking that sharing a roof would change this. Because how wrong was he… If anything, it only led to increased timidity around each other.

When you first moved in, Jungkook was eager to help you carry and unpack everything, seeing as he is the most physically apt person in the house. So you thought that it was his first step towards you, and that your dynamic was finally making progress into becoming one that’s more comfortable. He even lingered around your room the first few days with Jimin to help you open all your cardboard boxes.

However, he has since struggled to utter more than five words to you. Which has continued forth until this day. In the morning rush to class, you never encounter him due to your proneness to punctuality and his to tardiness. If you ever do, it’s only ever just a quick good morning, noona without looking up from his cereal. You both enjoy the safety of your own rooms, hence rarely peak your head out unless it’s for food. Jimin is always the one to drag you out by the foot, even if its just to his room or the sofa to watch a film with him. You say drag, but really you just enjoy seeing Jimin all pouty and whiny and sucking up to you in order to earn precious quality time with you; you actually enjoy being around Jimin. It’s worse for Jungkook though because he has his own ensuite bathroom, orders Deliveroo instead of coming out to eat with you two, and only ever joins social gatherings that you’re also involved in if a high enough bribe is offered.

Hence the time you and Jungkook are exposed to each other gradually diminished over time despite being roommates. At first you only suspected, but now you know for a fact, that he is purposely avoiding you like the plague.

It baffles you, if Jimin’s theory is true, how he could possibly be scared of you, regardless of his shyness towards the female specimen. Look at you, you’re this soft-mannered, quiet-spoken creature with a meek presence. You have more reason to be intimidated by his melon-sized biceps and aggressive shouts that echo from his room when he’s gaming at 2am.

So due to this mutually reciprocated mousiness, this awkward friendship-but-not-quite thing, has never been overcome in these months.

This is not a result of lack of trying, at least from your end. You do try to talk to him, exerting enough friendliness to burst your balloon of introversion. And you suppose he does make as much effort as he can as well. He once left you a note telling you to help yourself to the leftover pizza in the fridge. On your birthday, he gave you a card in which he drew cute little cartoon illustrations of you three housemates and wrote a short message.

Happy birthday, Y/N noona!

You are such a kind person, I hope we can speak more.

Jungkook :)

You thought the exclamation mark and smiley face were above and beyond for his standards. It made you smile for the rest of the day.

.

It’s 6:23pm and your growling stomach is exacerbated by the cold that has made itself at home in your bones. You’ve always been an early dinner person while Jimin and Jungkook are the opposite.

You’ve managed to get a hold of Jimin through Taehyung; your FaceTime call with him lasted a total of twelve minutes before the connection got too poor that it hung up on its own. Berating Jimin for leaving you alone with Jungkook, especially in this snow storm where everyone is basically on house arrest, all he did was laugh at your feign annoyance. You know it isn’t Jimin’s fault but you still like to blame him for all the awkward predicaments that are bound to happen.

After this chapter of the book you’re reading, you’ll go out to the kitchen and make some dinner, you decide.

Wait a second... Do you even have enough food in the pantry to last a whole weekend? Particularly since Jungkook can easily demolish three bowls of rice and a whole pound of meat, and still have room for dessert?

Looking out the window, you realise it’s snowing way too hard for you to feel confident to pop to the nearest grocery store without slipping and dying.

Shit! What are you going to eat these few days? Especially since the electricity can cut any minute?

Just then, you hear the echo of the front door shutting. Oh no… Jungkook did not just go out in this weather. He probably noticed the lack of food as well and decided to go for a shop. You know what he’s like, he’s a boy who’s really certain of his capabilities, over certain in fact. He probably does not see the hazard of leaving the house in such heavy snow, especially in the evening. Because nothing stands in the way between Jungkook and Food.

Do you go after him? Hell, if you do, you would probably get lost somewhere and slowly freeze to your inevitable death. You can barely navigate in perfect daylight.

Scrambling for your phone, you begin searching for his number. You’ve embarrassingly only called him once, and that was when you and Jimin got locked out of the house after a pub night.

No one is picking up.

In fact, when you check your screen, you don’t even have signal. The blizzard must be getting so bad that it’s refracting the radio waves. Which means it’s even worse for Jungkook to be out right now.

He’s such an idiot. Why did he think it’s okay to just take a walk to the supermarket right now in the middle of a snow storm? You’re such an idiot. Why were you too lazy to stock up on food during the day?

You pace around your room, phone clutched in your hand in case you miraculously get signal somehow. How on earth would you explain to Jimin that your roommate, his friend, whom he left in your care since you’re his senior, went out in a blizzard to buy food that you were supposed to have gotten this morning, and ended up dead from hypothermia?

Are you overreacting? Surely you’re overreacting. Everything is going to be fine! Deep breaths.

He’s going to come back any minute now and see you losing your mind over nothing. Right? Right.

Jungkook isn’t going to die. You’re being paranoid. Ridiculous. Overly anxious as usual.

But you can’t help yourself from pressing your face against your window to try to peek outside for a sign of him. The glass is ice cold against your skin, and it sends a blood-chilling shock through your veins. You can barely make out any shapes in the sea of greys and whites.

If you can’t even see out the window, how is he walking outside right now?

Screw it, you’re going to find him.

You’re a tornado getting dressed, whipping on your massive faux-fur lined puffer coat over two layers of fleece. A pair of gloves, double layer of socks, snow boots. Useless phone and hand warmers shoved in your pockets, you storm out of the house.

The cold that greets you burns up your nostrils and painfully invade your lungs. Snow is flying directly at your face, and you’re barely sheltered by your hood as you feel the icy flakes stab at your skin and melt away. Step by wary step, you steadily walk off your porch, careful not to slip. Your heart leaps out of your chest when your feet sink down at least 10 inches of snow, your squeal is muffled by the scarf you’re using as a ski mask.

It’s now been at least 10 minutes since he’s left. Jungkook is a fast walker, but in the snow, perhaps you could catch up with him.

The flickering lamp posts light up the night, but they may as well not be working because all you can see is white. Barely able to keep your eyes open, and batting away the heavy wind that’s threatening to blow you over, you trek in the direction of the local supermarket.

You don’t know how much time has passed when you realise that you don’t recognise the way anymore. Everything is a blur of snow. The cars, houses, street signs. All snow. Google maps is failing you; you’ve given up removing your gloves each time, your fingers instantly freezing at the exposure, to zoom in or rotate the navigation which keeps hopping from location to location.

You’re utterly and undeniably - lost.

Stopping dead in your tracks, you just plop down on your ass in defeat.

Where the hell are you? Where the hell is Jungkook?

Fear and frustration bubbles in your chest. It must have been half an hour now since you left the house. Surely he should be back, and surely he would’ve intercepted you on the way. That could either mean one of two possibilities: he got lost, slash, injured, slash, died on his way, or you have somehow strayed from the route to the store and he’s now frantically searching for you.

The lump in your throat festers into a ball of panic and despair. Looking around you, there’s absolutely no one. Just eerily-still buildings and snow-hidden cars. The only sound is the howl of the winter gust and your own uneven breathing.

You’re scared, and cold, and alone.

Why the hell did you think you could find him in this snow storm? You watch your warm visible exhale disperse in the icy air, the stinging of desperate tears piercing the back of your eyes. What are you supposed to do now?

And then it hits you. Perhaps you could trace your steps back since your feet have imprinted a trail in the snow. Looking behind you, you see that the downpour of snow has already began filling the footprints nearest to you. You’re praying that they haven’t already entirely covered your earlier steps closer to the house.

Gathering yourself together, you exert a lot of effort to stand up from the ground. Your butt is now wet, and a damp chill is seeping into your underwear. Determined, you follow your footsteps, which are growing fainter, back home.

You’re hoping you recognise the way now, that you’re not just convincing yourself that the street looks familiar.

Then an awful realisation hits you.

Both your hands are stuffed into your pockets, holding those hand-warming packets and your phone. But not your keys. You forgot your keys.

‘Fuck!’ Cursing is rare for you, but anyone would probably deem this situation as a very reasonable one to swear at.

Hot gushes of tears begin flooding down your face, painting streaks of cold that freeze over in a matter of seconds. How could you be this dumb? The snow is getting heavier right now. Checking the time on your phone, it’s 7 o’clock. The streetlights are dimming due to the weather, and the pitch dark night is starting to settle in around you.

You sink to a crouch.

This is it then, you guess. You’ve met your inexorable demise, rooted from your own stupidity. And Jungkook.

You can’t believe you’re going to die trying to find Jungkook in a goddamn snow storm.

The quiet sobs and sniffles that escape you are muted by the hood around your ears. A shiver overtakes your body as your muscles tremble as a last attempt to keep you alive. Your whole face is numb, teeth clattering, eyes clamped shut to stop the tears from freezing on your cheeks.

‘Noona?’

The voice is muffled but you recognise it instantly. Your eyes fly open to see a pair of shoes halted in front of you. You look up.

And there Jungkook is, eyes wide in shock, quivering lips parted in concern, carrying four plastic bags full of food and supplies. The streetlight situated directly behind him shines a halo around his head, painting a heavenly image of him. You’ve never been more glad to see anyone in your life.

Unable to contain yourself, you fling your ice-stiffened arms around his waist and bury your face in his coat-clad torso. Your knees give in and hit the ground. New tears spring from your eyes, but this time it’s tears of relief, tears of joy, tears of gratitude. A surge of his warmth washes over you, and all of a sudden, the cold cannot touch you.

‘W-What happened? Are you- Are you okay?’ Jungkook is rooted to the ground, he wants to wrap an arm around your small head or help you up but his hands are full with the groceries.

Gripping his sleeves, you tug yourself up to face him. You probably look like a mess, red eyes, nose and cheeks. But you don’t care. Jungkook is alive, you’re alive, and you’ve found each other. ‘Yeah, I’m fine, Jungkook. Everything is fine.’

‘You’re crying, noona.’ His ears are neatly tucked under his black knitted beanie.

‘Not anymore, I’m good now.’ Ferociously wiping the liquids profusely leaking out of your orifices, you give him the biggest grin your frozen cheek muscles would allow. ‘Let’s go home. Do you need help with the bags?’

‘No, don’t worry about them.’

Standing an inch apart, you walk side by side following his lead, assuming he knows the way. The material of your coats scrape at each other when either of you leans a bit too far towards the other.

‘What are you doing out here though?’ He asks quietly.

What are you doing out here? How do you give him an explanation that does not depict you as an idiot? Because once again, you’ve been stupid and dramatic and stressed over absolutely nothing. It’s twice in the same day now that you thought one of your roommates have died. When both of them turned out to be alive and well.

‘Um… Well, I thought it was dangerous for you to go outside alone in this weather, especially since it’s getting dark... I tried calling you but had no signal so, uh, I decided to... uh, come out to find you…’ Embarrassment begins to creep it’s way to your senses, it claws digging into your skin.

You peak at him in your peripheral vision to see him stiffen, eyes eerily focused on the snowy path in front. What is he thinking? Is he going to laugh at you? Think you’re dumb? Find you weird and obsessive?

‘Oh… Um.’ Clearing his throat, he glances at you and you quickly look away. Flustered. ‘You didn’t have to, I’m fine. I know this neighbourhood like the back of my hand, noona.’

‘Yeah, but you took so long. I got worried…’ You whisper the last bit.

An awkward pause is birthed. Your fists tighten around the hand warmers in your pockets.

‘I- I’m sorry for worrying you, noona.’ You hear his own fists tighten around the handle of bags as well, the plastic crinkling. ‘The supermarket around the corner was shut so I had to find another one that wasn’t. I made it just in time, though, right before this one closed as well. Then I also had to find a store that sells those so-’ He stops abruptly when he realises that he’s rambling.

‘Sells what?’

‘Doesn’t matter.’ Jungkook mumbles.

Another silence. The night has fallen, looking around, if it isn’t for the scarce light casted by the lamp posts, everything would be pitch dark. You’re so glad you’re not alone. Worse come to worse, you would’ve had to knock on these random houses and beg them to take you in for the night.

‘Wait,’ he says, ‘That doesn’t explain why you were crying.’

Well, crap. What are you supposed to say?

‘Uhh… Well, I got lost and my phone wasn’t working, so… I just kinda panicked.’ If your face wasn’t red from the cold and embarrassment from before, it definitely is now. You feel the blood pumping to your head, enough to make you sway a little.

‘Oh shit. I’m sorry, that was all my fault. I- I should’ve told you I was popping out in the first place. Ugh, noona, I’m sorry.’ You’ve never seen him display much emotion towards you, but currently, seeing him so alive with exasperation… It’s kind of endearing.

Screw earlier, this is the longest conversation the two of you have had, ever.

‘No, Jungkook, stop apologising. It wasn’t your fault at all!’

To be fair, you couldn’t have wandered that far if Jungkook found you on his way back from whatever shop he went to; you must’ve been close at least.

And so you two arrive safely to your house. Carefully wobbling up the porch slippery with slush, you stop in front of the door.

He looks at you expectantly. ‘Keys, noona?’ Of course, his hands are full.

Here you are, thinking you could’ve gotten away with not telling him you had moronically left your keys at home. ‘Um, I forgot to bring them with me.’ You utter, then add. ‘I was in a hurry.’

For a second, Jungkook looks like he’s about to tell you off for endangering yourself with such stupidity. But he just lets out a half-laugh half-sigh and bites down on his lip. ‘Mine are in my left, no, right back jean pocket.’

Right. He is asking you to get his keys from his back pocket.

His back pocket.

You freeze.

You’ve never so much as touched Jungkook, if you don’t count brushing shoulders. Hugging him back there was purely out of hysteria, which you retracted from the second you registered your action. Now, you’re going to grope his ass. This day just keeps getting you more familiar with him, doesn’t it?

Gulping, you suck up your cowardice and slide your hand into his back pocket, intentionally not looking at him while doing so. The firmness of his buttcheek fits snugly in your palm while your index finger hooks around his keyring. And what the hell, you strangely get the urge to squeeze it.

You yank your hand out of there before it can betray you and act on that impulse. Glimpsing up, you see that his cheeks are also crimson as he stares up at the ceiling a little too attentively.

.

After changing into some warm dry clothes and setting your snow-dampened ones on the radiator, you go out to the kitchen to see Jungkook cooking some ramen, which doesn’t come as a surprise as he practically lives off them. He’s dressed in sweatpants and a black hoodie; after cupping his ass through his back pocket, you can’t help but notice how round his rear is, especially in those bottoms.

God, what is wrong with you? You cannot seriously be checking Jungkook’s ass out.

This time his hood his down, and you appreciate how fluffy his hair is starting to grow. You can’t help but wonder what it sme-

Woah.

Why are you thinking so much about Jungkook?

Truth be told, that scare he gave you just now opened your eye as to how much you actually care about him. Despite never really saying much to each other, you guess you’ve grown a sort of fondness for him that you didn’t realise you have. It’s only natural; you have known each other for close to a year now, and half of which was spent under the same roof. Of course you would worry for his well being, you tell yourself.

The kitchen fan must be blocking his hearing because he doesn’t sense your approach, he’s singing softly to himself. He’s got a lovely voice, both your roommates do. But whereas Jimin sings loudly and proudly, Jungkook only does so in the shower or when he doesn’t think anybody is listening.

When he notices you finally, you’re peering over his shoulder. He jumps. You jump. The chopsticks he’s using to stir the noodles fly out of his hands, clattering on the counter.

‘Oh jeez, you scared me.’ He picks up the chopsticks.

‘Sorry.’ You squeak and take a step back when you realise your proximity.

‘Haha…’ He chuckles nervously, embarrassed. ‘Noona, you like jajangmyeon, right?’

Do you like jajangmyeon? You live and breathe jajangmyeon. You can’t go a week without jajangmyeon. You’ve had it for breakfast, lunch and dinner before all in one day. Those noodles in that sauce… Mmm…

‘Yeah, they’re my favourite.’ Is all you say though, you figure he probably doesn’t care for a whole speech about your love for them. Surely he knows at this point, there isn’t a single day in this house where the ramen cupboard is devoid of jajangmyeon.

‘Great, I’m making you some.’

Oh. Jungkook is cooking for you. A warmth creeps into your cheeks, and you’re not sure why.

‘You don’t have to, Jungkook. Just cook for yourself, I’ll make myself dinner after you.’ But then your stomach chooses now to bellow aloud like a bullfrog traitorously. You look at him, abashed.

A smile is playing at his lips, though he’s trying not to show it.

‘Go sit down, noona. It’ll be ready in a second.’ His eyes are fixed on the bubbling water, chopsticks hauling up the softening noodles to check their texture. Though you’ve never tasted his cooking, you don’t doubt ramen mastery, so you nod compliantly.

The bags of shopping are half unpacked on the dining table, so you decide to finish sorting them out. He’s bought gimbap, bread, cheese, some salad, mostly food that doesn’t require cooking; you can tell he has thought ahead for the potential blackout.

Then something else in the bag catches your eye.

‘Dinner’s ready.’ Jungkook carries two bowls of brown noodles, garnished with sausage and cucumber, just the way you like it.

He sets the bowls opposite each other on the end of the table that’s not packed with groceries. This feels extremely weird and domestic. Although you live together, you don’t remember the last time you’ve had a meal together on this table, just the two of you without Jimin. Yet now, you’re about to eat jajangmyeon that he cooked for you, right across each other. Extremely weird.

‘Thank you so much for cooking, Jungkook.’ You bow your head at him politely and take a seat opposite him.

‘You’re welcome, noona.’ He also mirrors your action. You can kind of understand why it must be so annoying to Jimin how you’re so formal to each other, it must sound so forced and awkward.

Which is what this meal is going to be. Forced and Awkward.

Jungkook waits for you to take the first bite before digging, which you have to do so without rolling your eyes back and moaning out loud in satisfaction. Jajangmyeon tastes so flipping good! Your one and only true love.

You’re too focused on slurping down the noodles that you don’t notice him smiling fondly at the rare sight of you so blatantly excited.

The meal goes by quietly, neither of you are talkers to begin with, much less while eating. Whether it’s because it’s your favourite dish, or because it’s a freezing cold winter day, or even maybe because it’s Jungkook’s own cooking, the food tastes especially scrumptious.

‘This is delicious.’ Your eyes are practically glowing at him; he shys away from the praise by sipping on his can of coke. Who drinks coke in this weather? A smile stretches your lips at the oddity of this boy’s taste.

Jungkook mumbles a thanks, avoiding your eye as usual. But the jajangmyeon has put you in a good mood, you’re feeling rather chatty actually. ‘Also, Jungkook, I saw you bought-’ You dig into one of the grocery bags and pull out what you spotted earlier.

‘Oh yeah.’ Jungkook stares at the two-pack of fluffy socks in your hand, wearing a slightly mortified expression. ‘Um… I thought... you could do with some new ones.’

Surprised, your whole body tenses. You had thought he bought them for himself after seeing you wear yours so comfortably. All thought flaps away from your mind like a flock of frightened birds, leaving an empty field. He- Why- What do you-

‘Oh.’ Clearing your throat, you murmur. ‘Wow, thank you so much.’ Unable to look at him for any longer, your eyes fall onto your noodles. Your hand holding the socks drop onto the table at the weight of his kindness. Then a realisation creeps up on you. ‘Wait… They don’t sell these socks in supermarkets…’

Glancing up, you find him fiddling with his fingers nervously. ‘Uh. I went to another shop that does.’

Knots upon knots begin to tie in your stomach. So that’s why he took so long out there, not only did he have to find another supermarket that was open, he also searched for a store that sells fuzzy socks. For you.

Why do you feel so warm everywhere?

When you fall into a silent trance of your own thinking, Jungkook gets worried. ‘Noona, do you not like them? Did I get the wrong ones?’

‘No, no, no!’ You frantically dispute, forcing yourself to look at him. ‘These are perfect! I’m just surprised… and touched. That’s all. Jungkook, you really didn’t have to.’ The fabric of the socks feel heavenly to touch, your thumb sinks into the clouds of its softness. Truly, this has taken you by surprise and you don’t know how to react.

‘It’s okay…’ Redness blooms across his cheeks like drops of watercolour.

First he cooks you your favourite meal, then he buys you fuzzy socks? Is this the same Jungkook you’ve been living with all these months?

‘No, here…’ You rip open the card of the packet and snap the plastic wire that holds the four socks together. ‘Take a pair, I only need one anyway.’

At you waving the socks in front of him, he leans back in refusal, shaking his head and muttering a string of no no no’s. You’re not at all a strong-willed person by any means, but you’re not backing down on this, not when he’s been so lovely to you all night. When he realises that you won’t take no for an answer, he sighs, scratching the back of his ears. ‘Okay, okay. You can have the mint ones.’

One pair is mint and the other is pink. You blink. He wants the pink ones?

When he realises what must be going through your head, he quickly says, ‘Mint is your favourite colour right?’

Mint is your favourite colour. Though how does he know? All your possessions are in a variety of pastels: baby blue, cotton candy pink, mint green and lilac purple. He couldn’t have possibly guessed…?

‘Yes, it is… But I seriously don’t mind if you want the mint ones, I’m not gonna make you take the pink ones.’

‘No, it’s fine. I don’t mind.’ Jungkook snatches the pink fluffy socks from you before you can argue and stuff them onto his lap.

Your heart does a little thing that you can’t describe.

The two of you finish your dinner in silence, mirroring each other with one hand gripping the socks ever so tightly and the other hand picking up the noodles with your chopsticks. Awkwardly, Jungkook take a glimpse at you. A tiny smear of sauce stains the corner of your mouth.

Does he tell you? It would make it awkward though, wouldn’t it? But then again, it would be worse for you to find out yourself when you look in the mirror and think that he didn’t tell you you have sauce on your face.

‘Sauce.’ He accidentally says before he could finish formulating what he’s going to say to you. Shit. What’s wrong with him? Why did he say it like that? In response to your confused expression, he gestures dumbly at the corner of his own mouth.

Instantly a blush flames across the apples of your cheeks. You are about to wipe it away with your sleeve when you realise a second too late that you’re wearing a white sweater.

Your hand dangles a centimetre from your face, wrist caught in Jungkook’s fingers as he notices the mistake in your action before you. His whole body is leaned over the table in order to reach you. Wide eyes locked on each other, neither of you dare to move at his sudden outburst of motion towards you.

‘Um.’ He peeps. ‘Careful, I’ll do it, noona.’

Before you can register, he lets go of your arm allowing it to fall onto your lap. When his index knuckle brushes against the end of your mouth, a wave of shock zaps down your spine. Your heart lurches down an abyss at how soft his skin feels on your sensitive lips. Then his touch is gone, leaving a warmth tingling in his wake.

As he looks around for something to wipe his finger on, pupils round like a puppy, your eyes refuse to leave him. Thank you sits at the tip of your tongue but your throat is too clogged to utter a sound. The clockworks are trying to turn in your brain but all you can focus on is Jungkook.

How is he this nice, kind, gentle boy? And how have you completely missed this about him? In fact, why have you been so demure with him when he’s… an angel?

Watching his tongue poke at the inside of his cheek, a much scarier thought dawns on you.

Do you have a crush on Jungkook?

.

White screen glaring at you, the words of your unfinished essay frowns at your lack of attention in disapproval. You can’t write about Jane Austen’s exploration of feminism when Jungkook has overtaken your capacity to concentrate on anything other than him.

The radiator by your desk acts as your foot rest, blazing the pleasant heat up your legs. Ever few seconds, your eyes would wander to those mint green fuzzy socks you’re wearing, so brand new that its fluff caresses your toes like a flower bed. Just the thought that he went out of his way to replace your old hole-ridden pair…

Stop.

Jane Austen. Focus.

But the phantom touch of his finger sweeping across the plump of your bottom lip is etched on your skin, the picture of his doe eyes staring at your mouth refusing to leave your memory.

What has happened to you? How have you just swung from two extremes: from hardly able to speak a word to him without stuttering, to daydreaming about his kindness towards you?

The cold is making you delirious. It has to be this godforsaken cold, because why else would you all of a sudden be so flustered from the thought of Jungkook?

You take a long hard sip of your coffee, and mark it as a new leaf. From now on, no more thinking about anyone else other than Jane Austen. Pushing up your sleeves, you straighten your slouching back and face the monster of you assignment head on.

Not 5 minutes later, your desk lamp begins to flicker. You throw it a quick glance as your fingers type on your keyboard. Weird, you just changed the bulb a few weeks ago. Nevermind it.

Then all of a sudden, all the lights in your room go out. Frowning, you get up and try the switch several times to no avail. Peaking outside your room, all that greets you is a cold darkness. So you turn on the flashlight on your phone and try other light switches of the house. Nothing. Even the heat begins to seep away from the heaters as they dim to a cool. Oh no, right now?

Using your phone as a torch, you pad towards Jungkook’s room and open his door before you can remember to knock. Perhaps your anxiety has overridden your common sense and courtesy. Unfamiliar with the orientation of his room, you trail your side against the wall to guide you.

‘Jungkook? I think the power’s ou-’

Your phone shines onto a tall silhouette, illuminating a view that makes you shriek and stumble back.

There he is, standing with a white towel around his waist, beads of water splattered across his naked body and dripping rapidly out his wet slicked back hair. The swell of his biceps catch your attention first, lined with prominent veins running all the way down to his large hands placed on his hips. Which leads your gaze to the illustrious v of his hips that arch down to-

Without meaning to, your eyes travel down to this bulge. His hefty unmissable bulge. The towel protrudes out like a tiny hill, and you want to scream at it.

If you had a drink in your mouth right now, you would surely spit it out all over him and choke to your death. But you don’t, so all that comes out of you is a strangled cat noise. Looking away from that sinful area as quickly as you can, you arrive at his face - shocked, alarmed and confused. Your cheeks burning in the flames of hell, you spin away hastily to sprint out of his room in horror.

Except you run into the wall.

The impact hits your forehead and thankfully not your nose. Phone flung onto the ground with the light facing up, you fall onto you knees clutching at the eruption of pain. But nothing hurts more than your pride and image.

‘Noona!’ One hand securing the towel covering his manhood and preserving his dignity, he scrambles over to help you despite himself.

You flinch away at his hand on your shoulder because he is now right beside you. And it’s as if you’ve zoomed in too far on a picture because his nakedness is suddenly magnified 100x. You want to Ctrl Z yourself out of his room and back into your own desk. Because what. the. hell.

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

Transfixed on the ridges of this abdomen, you cannot focus on anything other than the way his muscles groove up and down so smoothly to form a six pack. Shadows casted by the flashlight sculpting more definition onto his marble chest. Goosebumps are raised on his blemishless skin, which you almost want to stroke away with your warmth.

‘I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.’ You chant cataleptically in a daze. It’s more for your own reassurance than his. His bare upper body needs to let you breathe.

‘Are you sure?’ His concern is apparent in his expression, eyes examining your entire face for your injury.

‘Yes, yes.’ Desperately wanting to shoo him away, you wince at the pulsing ache burgeoning in your forehead.

‘I’m sorry.’ You both say in unison, though neither of you understand why the other is apologising.

Though he seems abashed about being shirtless, his humiliation comes nowhere near your level. Why isn’t he scrambling to put a shirt on?

To be fair Jungkook does seem awfully self conscious, you’ve caught him looking down at himself for about the fifteenth time now as he helps you up to your feet.

‘I’ll let you get dressed, sorry.’ Is all you say after snatching your phone off the ground, not even bothering to check for a cracked screen, before making your timely escape. This time more successful than the last.

Clutching your throbbing head, you race to your room and catapult onto your bed. The picture of a wet, shirtless Jungkook with only a towel to shield you from his crotch is now ingrained in your mind. You think shutting your eyes will help but you still see his divine abs behind your lids.

Holy shit.

What perhaps scares you more is how attracted you are to him. Since when did you find your roommate hot? This is shy, quiet Jungkook who plays overwatch until 4am. How dare he have a Greek God’s body to confuse you like this?

You need to stop thinking about his naked body right now.

Instead you check outside your window to see that the streetlights are off as well; it must be a blackout across the whole town, if not city. Without heating, the cold air begins to harshly sting your exposed skin. Panic starts to fester in your chest. How long can you last with no electricity whatsoever? You don’t even have phone signal, or something to charge your phone with except the one portable charger that may or may not be dead right now.

Though your door is wide open, Jungkook knocks on it politely outside your room. Which is what you should’ve done with him, you mentally scold yourself. Though he is now dressed in an oversized hoodie, your image of him is forever changed after seeing him fresh out the shower, hair still dripping. You blink hard in attempt to rid that thought.

‘Hi…’ He whispers. He’s holding two burning candles against his chest, their flames lighting up the underside of his sharp jaw.

‘Hi, come in.’

You can sense his hesitancy, the unease in the air between you, when he enters your room gingerly, feet clad in those pink fuzzy socks.

‘Sorry-’ You both say at the same time again, then release a breath of laughter. Mirth twinkles in his eyes, though his shyness does not stray from him.

‘I’m sorry for barging into your room like that.’ It’s an effort not to glance down at his adorable socks. ‘That was completely my fault, so don’t apologise.’

He swallows. ‘It’s okay, noona.’

His eyes hold yours for a solid moment before dispersing. A familiar blush is starting to paint your cheeks, you feel the heat from your chest blare up to your entire face. Unable to help imagining those solid muscles underneath his clothes, you tug at the hem of your sweater.

‘So,’ Jungkook places one of the candles on your desk. ‘This is for you.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Instead of using the flashlight of your phone, use the candle or one of the torches I’ve put on the table outside to save your battery. I’ve checked the main fuse, it isn’t switching back on. Good thing is that we still have running water and plumbing, just no heating or any electricity.’ He glances at your own socks. ‘We need to use the water sparingly though or the reservoir will run out. From the shops, I’ve bought some food that we can eat without cooking like gimbap or sandwiches. There’s also a stash of hand warmers in the drawer of the TV stand if you’re cold.’

That’s a lot of words to come out of Jungkook’s mouth in one go, all spoken to you. What he’s saying is sinking in and relief washes over you, yet you can’t help but focus your attention on the way his lips move as he speaks. The dark red gleaming with lip balm, curving over each syllable so prettily.

‘That’s great, thank you.’ You finally snap out of it. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’ That last sentence slips out of you before you could stop it.

Pupils widening a fraction, Jungkook’s lips part in reaction. Why did you tell him that? Maybe you should just lock yourself in your room after continuously embarrassing yourself tonight. But then he pulls into a smile that melts away the ice that’s numbing your limbs and burning your lungs. The front of his teeth slightly jutting out sweetly.

Again, a fondness tickles your chest.

‘Me too.’ The tingle spreads into a pulse that crushes your throat. Is that why they call it a crush?

You simply cannot suppress your own growing grin.

Jungkook begins to walk away, but then stops at your door and turns back. There’s a reluctance, an uncertainty to his slow movement as he faces you.

‘If… If you get too cold without the radiator… you can…’ His voice barely a husk. ‘You can come over to mine.’

Then he’s gone. The aura lit up by his candle gradually diminishes away from you as he walks down the hallway to his room.

Frozen in place, you’re not even sure if your heart is beating anymore. Those final words ring in your ear like wind chimes.

You can come over to mine.

Does he mean what you think he means? Is he offering to keep you warm during the night?

You watch the candle he’d placed on your desk, its flame mirroring the small fire kindling in your core for the boy who went out during a blizzard to buy you fuzzy socks so your feet don’t get cold.

On the other side of the wall, Jungkook is on the verge of combustion at his bold proposition to you, red burning the tips of his ears. Though the memory of the look of pure euphoria on your face when you took your first bite of jajangmyeon burns his heart hotter yet.

.

The cold is brutal and shows no mercy. Despite your tossing and turning and effort to warm yourself up, sleep does not grace you. Part of the blame goes to Jungkook, you have not been able to cease thinking about him and everything he has done tonight. It makes you reflect on all your past moments together, whether he has always been like this and you were only too closed off to pay heed.

Sitting up from your bed, you decide you won’t be able to fall asleep without extra warmth. You need hand warmers stuffed down your pyjamas.

So, muscles stiff from the cold, you clamber out the little warm burrow of your covers and head for the living room, forsaking any light since your vision has adapted to the dark. On your way there, you walk past Jungkook’s room. Without knowing why, your legs betray you and stop outside his door.

You can come over to mine.

The low rasp of his voice still echoes in your head, stirring your unwarranted feelings for him into a warm pot of honey.

Had he really meant it? Did he honestly invite you to his share his bed? Surely not - this is Jeon Jungkook you’re thinking of, he doesn’t even speak to you most days, can’t not cower away from your glare. And he also knows what you’re like, how it took you two whole months to even warm to all of Jimin’s friends, how you only recently stopped using honorifics with those older than you.

And surely he must be at least mildly aware of the lack of boys and romance in your life, living just down the hall from you. Jimin is the closest male friend you have, and even so, you aren’t completely comfortable with sleeping beside him.

But then… All that has transpired about Jungkook’s character tonight, how sweet and kind and thoughtful he is which completely falls outside your predictions of the boy…

You realise you want to know more, want to explore the depths and mysteries that is your strange roommate. This intangible force that has been building up in the mere hours you’ve spent together this cold winter’s night draws you to him.

So screw those hand warmers, they last way too short anyway. Who needs those fidgety packets when there’s a whole Jeon Jungkook next door?

Gathering all the courage you can muster, you knock on his door.

The wood sends tendrils of cold into your knuckles. There’s a pause at first which leaves you thinking that he’s asleep, and to be fair, this late at night he has every reason to be. You’re about to turn away and head forth down the hall when you hear sheets moving, followed by his muffled come in.

Timidly, you step into his room, mind still fresh with the memory of what had happened last time you entered here unannounced, mere hours ago. Let’s not think about that right now, shall we?

Jungkook is sat up in his bed, black hood engulfing half his head. A single scented candle lit on his bedside table beside him illuminates the whole room into a golden ochre hue, it smells of freshly washed sheets.

‘Hi…’ You peep out, stopping in front of his bed.

‘Everything ok, noona?’ His eyes are fixed on your face in wonder, but when you meet them, they dart to your socks.

‘Um, yes.’ How do you put this? How do you formulate those words? ‘I just… It’s absolutely freezing with the radiators not working. Maybe- D-’ You exhale shakily. He’s gaze slowly crawls back up to your face as he realises where you’re going with this. ‘You know how you suggested that we should… sleep tog- on the same bed… to keep each other warm…? Well...’

Jungkook blinks at you. For a heartbeat, all you want to do is curl up into a ball and roll out of here. You couldn’t even finish what you were saying because your jaw has simply refused to move, refused to let you carry on embarrass yourself.

Then, although he was already on one side of the bed, he scooches over to the left. He doesn’t look at you when he replies, ‘Of course.’

Your heart is pumping fast, almost making you choke on your constricting throat. Warily you clamber onto his bed, but stop when only your knee is on the mattress. The bed frame creaks. Jungkook is regarding you with an unreadable expression, nibbling on his bottom lip. ‘Wait, if this is weird, just tell me to go.’

‘N-No. It’s fine.’ Pulling the covers over his chest, he crosses his arms shyly. There’s a pink tint to his cheeks, though you could be mistaken due to the odd lighting. ‘I was struggling to fall asleep from the cold as well.’ He adds when you don’t seem convinced.

Both of you are making this a bigger deal than it actually is, you are fully aware. It honestly pains you how awkward you two are with each other; if this were Jimin, he’d be dragging you onto his bed by the waist, letting you flounder about in his arms like a cat trying to escape before smothering you with his affection. But this is Jungkook. Quiet, shy, awkward Jungkook. Jungkook who hasn’t spoken more than ten words a day to you before the events of tonight even though you live together. Jungkook who you’re slowly learning more and more about during this blizzard.

Plus, he was the one who offered to share his bed earlier in the first place. This is fine, just fine. Act normal.

Overly conscious of how he’s watching your every movement carefully, you slowly burrow into the comfort of his bed. Immediately you’re enveloped in his residual body heat under the duvet. Now you realise that he moved over to the other side of the bed, the cold side, so you can relish in the warmth that he’s been collecting under these covers.

Why is Jungkook so… considerate?

Again, the same fuzzy feeling as before tugs at your heartstrings. Suddenly you want to reach out to him, but instead, you tug at your sleeves.

You’re both staring at the blank ceiling as if it is some fascinating art piece, with enough space between you to fit a Jimin. The candle has casted long grey shadows across the room, occasionally flickering haphazardly.

Everything that is currently whizzing through your head is driving you insane. This is actually happening. You are sharing a bed with Jungkook, the guy who you can’t even look in the eye when speaking to, your roommate who has only ever tried to avoid you. This day is a jack-in-the-box of Jungkook-themed surprises. What’s going to be next?

‘Feeling warmer, noona?’ He breaks the silence first, and you can’t help but glance over at him. His side profile is mostly masked by his hood, yet you can still see his jaw clenching. You can only imagine how uneasy he is currently feeling.

‘Yes.’ It’s barely a whisper you manage, so you clear your throat. ‘Much better Jungkook, thank you.’

Another silence. Though this is an improvement from before, you still feel a chill in your bones; the cold is a resilient pest that aches your muscles and numbs your face.

‘Should I blow out the candle then?’ You ask.

‘Oh right, yeah.’

You huff at the small flame but it refuses to go out, and you kind of don’t want it to as it provides a strong beacon of heat as its smoke licks at your face. You huff again. Still, it only wavers. You’re so cold that you don’t even have the strength to take out a candle. Peaking over at Jungkook, his eyes are locked on you patiently.

‘I’ll do it.’ He leans across the bed over you, you feel his warmth radiate into your proximity as his should hovers over your face. His scent, a clean soft musk, swims up your nose; you never noticed how pleasant he smells. The veins on his neck are protruding as he strains to reach over. When he extinguishes the candle with a single harsh blow, embarrassment rains on you.

Darkness enshrouds you two. As he returns to his position, you notice that he’s closer to you than before, now only less than a foot away. The sound of his breathing provides a steady rhythm that soothes your wild thoughts.

Though your social skills are subpar by nature, Jungkook has a way of magnifying your awkwardness. Should you say something? Good night? Thank him again?

Then you realise, he’s shivering. Of course, his hair must still be wet from his unfinished shower that was cut short by the blackout. God, he must be freezing.

‘You’re cold.’ You state, though you mean it more as a question.

‘I’m fine.’ Hums his response, yet his inhale is shaky.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you know what you’re going to do next is completely out of character and will require more guts than you actually possess. Your hand gropes at the space between you until you find his hand. It’s ice cold. Jungkook jumps at the contact and you hear him turn his head towards you. You hope his sight hasn’t adjusted to the dark yet so he can’t see how abashed you are.

‘You’re not fine.’ His fingers are stiff when you interlock yours between his. Everything is screaming inside you. What are you doing? What the heck? If Jimin were here to see this his jaw would drop all the way down to hell.

Unable to suppress the urge either, you also turn to look at him. In the dark, you can barely make out the outline of his face, the shape of his glossy eyes reflecting the moonlight seeping in through the window. Slowly, his fingers curl up around your hand. Your heart flips.

Blood roaring in your ears, you inch towards him like a frightened deer until your sides are pressed against each other. Your faces must be a hand’s width apart, but the darkness fuels you with a brazenness that allows you to not cringe away. His whole body tenses in response.

‘Better?’ Voice so soft he strains to hear you.

Jungkook nods, eyes never leaving yours. ‘Better.’ His response rumbles into your ear and percolate into your mind, and only now are you aware of how close he is.

An amalgamation of unidentifiable emotions stir inside you. You feel your own warmth trickle towards him as his does with you, and slowly his presence plucks away the cold you are plagued with.

‘Good night, Jungkook.’

‘Good night, Y/N noona.’

Though it’s only briefest of movements, you feel his thumb stroke over yours once, twice, as your eyelids fall shut.

The next morning, you wake up first with your head fitted cosily on his heavily breathing chest, his arm draped across your shoulder, shielding you from the chilly morning air.

.

The power still isn’t back on.

It’s now nearing 24 hours since the blackout first hit.

You’ve wasted the day wandering about the house, unsure of what to do with yourself. Though you tell yourself it’s the withdrawal symptoms from the internet, it’s mostly due to the fact that you slept next to Jungkook last night.

The earlier half of the day was spent subtly avoiding him because what the hell are you supposed to say to him? Do you just carry on your usual selves around each other or are you, like, friends now? You caught yourself watching him sleep this morning, serene breaths in and out through his nose. There’s a tiny mole under his lips that you’ve never noticed before. You had poked it with your pinky before you could stop yourself. And thankfully he’s a heavy sleeper, he didn’t even stir.

With more effort than you thought would require, you pried yourself out of his arms, a cold breeze instantly welcoming you in an embrace as you left his bed.

Those scenes keep replaying in your head: him finding you out in the blizzard, watching him cook you jajangmyeon, discovering that he when out of his way to buy you new sock, then walking in on him almost stark naked from the shower, and finally, falling asleep enveloped in his warm and scent.

You’re definitely crushing on him.

You’ve stopped denying it when you saw him meander wearily out his room at noon, bed head ruffled, eyes still droopy from sleep. Wordlessly, you had passed him the ham and cheese sandwich you prepared for yourself and you don’t even know why because you were absolutely starving.

The downpour of snow only stopped for a good 10 minutes this afternoon, a tiny window in which you poked your head out for some fresh air. Jungkook had tried to shovel away some snow to clear the porch, but quickly ran back inside when he saw your worried face plastered to the window watching him.

There isn’t much either of you can do with no electricity, no internet, no television, trapped indoors. So you occupy your day curled up on the couch, nose buried in a novel, completely immersed in that beautifully crafted fictional world.

Until Jungkook walks out in a white t-shirt and shorts.

Your eyebrow raises, peeking at him from behind the pages.

‘I’m gonna work out here, if you don’t mind. There isn’t enough space in my room.’ He scratches the back of his head.

‘Sure.’ You exhale, knowing your demise is looming over your head like a storm cloud. A lot of self control is exercised in order to not ogle at his calves.

Training your eyes at the novel in front of you with great determination, you turn the page. The first minute is easy enough, you just have to angle your book to block your view of him. But then his breathing grows heavier, panting every rep. At that, you can’t help but glimpse past the corner of your page.

Oh Lord. He’s doing push ups.

Though his biceps are mostly covered by his sleeves, the muscles of his forearms tensing at every contraction catch you eye. You marvel at the way his tendons flex out, and the way his serpentine of veins snake down his hands.

Jeez.

Then he lets out an unholy grunt, setting your whole skin on aflame. Scarlet stains your cheeks, you’re sure of it. But the sinful sounds do not stop. Sweat his now seeping through his shirt, rendering the material transparent down his back. And his ass…

You snap your focus back to your novel.

Just in time as well because he stops onto his knees, head falling back as he sits on his ankles, panting. His neck is shimmering with his perspiration, droplets trickling down like a brook.

Jungkook glances over at you to see you reading intently, jaw clenched from what he guesses is due to the excitement of the plot.

But then you stand up so abruptly that it startles him. You can’t sit here and spy on his workout any longer, you physically cannot take it. Not to mention, it makes you feel so awful, like you’re perving on the poor clueless boy who only wants to break a sweat.

The both of you just stare at each other, flustered for different reasons. His breathing slows.

‘I’m gonna-’ You don’t know where you’re going with the sentence. Gulp. ‘Uh, see you later.’

Scampering away into your room, you don’t wait for his response. Why are you panting heavier than he is when he’s the one exercising? Your book is pressed tightly against your pounding chest as you lean your back on your door. Your legs give way and you slowly slide down onto the cool floor.

There’s one thing you know for sure.

Jeon Jungkook is not good for your heart.

.

It’s almost midnight and Jungkook is standing outside your door. Fist clenched, inches away from rapping on the wood, but completely frozen in action.

Just do it, idiot. He scolds himself.

After an ice cold post-workout shower, this time early enough so he doesn’t have to sleep with wet hair, you both had gimbap for dinner. It was an excruciatingly silent meal which he blames himself for, though he can’t help the way his tongue gets tied every time he wishes to speak to you.

And now, bed time, he is at a dilemma of whether or not to ask to sleep with you again. It may come across as too forward coming from a guy, he doesn’t want to scare you. But he also knows that he will be missing the warmth of your body beside him if he goes to bed alone.

Jungkook sighs and lets his hanging hand fall to his side.

If you wanted to, you would have gone to his room anyway. Might as well save the awkward rejection and just take this as a no.

However, your door suddenly swings open. He’s confronted with a pyjama-wearing, baby-faced you, flinching back a step at the surprising sight of him.

‘Op- I was just....’ His sentence falls flat. He was just what?

‘I was just coming to find you.’ You mutter, eyes softening if he isn’t mistaken. A flood of relief rushes at him, so you were planning on coming to him tonight.

Wordlessly, you pad after him to his room. Everything is dark but you see his figure clearly in front of you. It gives you a false sense of confidence which leads you to trip over his charger wire you so clumsily missed.

You don’t know how he reacts so quickly to your yelp of distress, but he turns around in time to catch your outstretched arms by the elbows. ‘Watch out.’ Feet fumbling over each other, he stumbles back onto his bed as you fall onto him. The weight of your bodies sink down onto the mattress.

Hard muscle cushions your fall. Chests pressed against each other, you don’t realise your hands have instinctively circled around his shoulders for balance. Your nose is touching his fabric of his collar, his musk instantly overriding your senses. When you look up, his eyes are a crystal clear pool somehow reflecting the constellations of the night sky in this darkness. His breath caresses your forehead. Your gaze drops to his mouth, pink and parted.

You want to kiss him, you realise. So badly. Every fibre of your being is currently yearning to meet his lips, longing to know whether he tastes better than he smells.

But then your limbs are moving for you, propping yourself up and off him. Your own mouth forms and quiet ‘sorry’ as you shuffle under the sheets. It’s as if you’re watching your own actions through your eyes, controlled by your logic rather than desire. You couldn’t let yourself kiss him.

Jungkook silently squirms into his bed beside you, unwilling to look your direction as much as you’re averse to his.

So this is how it’s going to be again. Two sleeping logs next to each other.

There’s an ache of regret in your heart for being so timid. Annoyance at yourself drips down your throat, fist clenching at the sheets. You should’ve kissed him right then and there, consequences be damned. When will you get another chance? But perhaps it was fate. You have no idea how he would’ve reacted; the pessimist in you thinks he would’ve been disgusted. Yes, it was fate. It was right not to have kissed him.

Wait, no. A boldness suddenly pours down on you. Shyness and introversion has gotten you nowhere before, and it will not help your situation now.

‘Jungkook.’ Your voice comes out crisp and clear.

‘Hm, Noona?’

‘I’m still cold.’ Turning to face him, you see innocent confusion settle in his expression. The sound of your thumping pulse has reached your ears, your heart is a speeding motor flying off to find him. ‘Come closer.’

The shadow of his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. His focus does not stray from you as he slides across the bed hesitantly.

‘Closer.’

He edges further towards you. You can now just about make out the shape of the scar that flecks his left cheek.

‘Closer.’

This time, his exhale tickles your neck. Warm bodies touching, confusion and perturbation cloud his glassy orbs as he scans your face for an answer to the plethora of questions swimming in his head.

‘Thank you.’ You breathe, though it feels like no air is entering you. You can’t believe what you’re doing. This close to him, you’re entire being bathes in his presence, his aura; a familiar tingling ails your soul as your eyes flicker to his lips.

Every single muscle in Jungkook is frozen in shock, unsure of what is going on and why the sudden change in your demeanour towards him. And when you turn onto your side away from him and inch by inch back your body onto his front, his heart

stops

beating.

Nose buried in your floral-scented hair, vacillating thoughts tell him to put his arm around your waist and hold you close to him. You sense his unsureness in the way his hand rests on your side and pauses for too long before pulling you into his chest.

His frame engulf yours, the curve of your back lining perfectly with his. You feel safe, protected. His furnace touch on your waist burns through the thick fabric of your jumper and seeps into your core. The effect he has on you is nothing you’ve ever experienced before, and neither have you ever been in this position with anyone. Although it isn’t much, merely just cuddling, this feels so remarkably intimate and intense, like you’ve finally stepped through a threshold built into the emotional wall that towers between you and him.

You’re not entirely sure if you’re breathing.

Despite being the one to instigate this, you’re awfully apprehensive, not daring to even twitch incase it rattles him and sets him scrambling away. The two of you are like a pair of squirrels, slowly approaching to sniff each other, curious yet easily frightened.

His hot breath rushes down your spine like smoke. You desperately want to know what he’s thinking. Is he as nervous as you? Do you feel comfortable to him as he does to you? Or is he already falling asleep?

You should close your eyes and try to. Though who are you kidding? You’d never manage to catch a wink when you’re an accidental turn of a face away from kissing him, at least not right away anyway, not until you calm yourself down with a mental meditation exercise or something.

The urge to check if he’s indeed asleep is yanking at you, but you use all your willpower to resist, not wanting to risk rousing him when he’s as skittish as you.

But then you feel it.

Him.

It’s subtle at first, just a gentle pressure at your bottom.

Innocent and untainted as you are, you don’t even realise what it is at first, so you shift your hips unconsciously.

Then it’s stiffness grows, and grows, until it’s a baton poking at your rear.

Something in your core ignites, your chest constricts, and a wildfire of lust you’ve never felt before smoulders from your scalp to your toes before finally rooting itself in your sex. Ten hells, Jungkook’s boner is touching your ass. Jungkook has a boner and it’s touching your ass. Jungkook has a boner because of you and it’s touching your ass.

Your brain is devoid of all senses except a formidable hunger for him. Suddenly, though he’s almost surrounding you completely, the only thing you can feel is his hard member prodding you.

Is he asleep or not, you need to know.

Then a strange force possesses your lower half, and like a puppet on a string, your ass sinks back further onto him until his length is tunnelled between your cheeks.

The softest moan escapes him, almost a gasp even.

You think he’s going to say something, move away or stand up and leave. Instead he pulls himself away and slowly thrusts forward again. His clothed length slides smoothly up your crack, brushing ever so slightly over your slit. It sends a wave of arousal convulsing up your core, so powerful you almost choke.

Continuing to encourage him, your hips move in tandem with his, rubbing your ass all over his pulsing erection, occasionally letting it slide between your thighs against your clit. A pleasured mewl escapes, though you’re not sure who from. You’ve never felt anything like this, the ruin that overtakes your core at the friction. This is a divine sensation, luxury of the gods.

Jungkook’s fingers dig into your waist as his pace increases, his breathing slowly shifting into wavering panting. Finally you succumb to the urge to twist around to look at him. Your heart erupts at the pure devastation contorting his face. His brows angled in pleasure, teeth clamped down on his lip to suppress those unholy noises, lids hanging heavy at the weight of his thirst for you. When his eyes lock on yours, something unleashes in him and devours you wholly.

Fire and ice. His lips feel like both fire and ice. Fire because your entire mind is burning at his smoothness, fuelled by your unkempt want for him to take over you. Ice because everything that isn’t him feels numb and insignificant, and your feelings for this man holding you is the purest flake of snow.

Your first kiss, and it’s already the best kiss you’ll ever have, you’re sure. Because the way his lips meld onto your, the desperation in the way he leans so far into you, the heat of his arousal forging it’s mark between your legs. Nothing in this world can top that.

‘Noona.’ He sighs into you. It drives you absolutely insane.

Fingers grappling in his wavy locks, you reposition yourself completely to face him. His length twitches against you as your leg swings behind him to pull him closer. He is holding your neck with a heartbreaking delicacy, thumb stroking your jaw like it’s the most fragile of chinas.

‘Jung-’ You whimper. ‘Koo…’

Tasting of mint, his tongue gently laps at yours when you open for him. You’re drowning in his essence, lungs filling with his air, though you welcome your sweet painless death like it’s a heavenly gift.

Knowing his docile nature, you move his hand underneath your top, giving him permission to roam freely on your skin. He snakes around your back and circles around your front before finally meeting your sore breasts. As he kneads them tenderly, you feel a warmth ooze out of you into a puddle of concupiscence in your pants.

Oh God.

Your own hands wander beneath his hoodie, raking up the bumps of his god-sculpted abdomen and taking hold of his muscular chest. His wet kisses are a drug, and you’re completely and utterly under its control.

‘Jungkook, I want you.’ You moan.

When his eyes fly open, you’re met with pools of desire, seething into you like jets of lust. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you’d experience him like this, covetous for you and withering under your touch.

‘Noona… Fuck.’ He trembles as your hand travels down his navel, daring to slide under the band of his sweatpants. ‘I want you so bad, noona.’

The whimper that leaves his mouth when you palm him through his boxers sends a flood of yearning down to your core.

Holy shit.

He feels…

Massive.

Heavy with girth, only about half of his length fits in your palm. You have to stretch your fingers in order to fully encompass him. He is fully at your disposal, groaning, grip tightening on you.

As he huffs into the edge of your jaw, his own hand comes down to find your pussy pulsing for his touch. When his touches your clothed slit, a compulsion forces your hips to buckle forwards. And when he begins to rub circles right on that tender spot, waves upon waves of ecstasy hit you.

Whining like an animal, your head falls back at the newfound pleasure he’s showing you. With you neck presented so openly to him like a platter of dessert, he plants dulcet kisses onto you, his gentleness kindling your fire for him. Despite your attempt to wind your focus back to him, your grip on his erection slackens at his vibrations on your cunt.

‘Can I?’ Jungkook whispers into your ear, softness tickling your lobe. You don’t waste a second before nodding eagerly.

Then his fingers slide underneath your panties. Sensitivity explodes at the contact between the pad of his thumb and your clit. A string of moans release from you. His fingers stroke tactfully up your slick, lubricated by your wetness for him. And when he slides his digit into you, the thread that holds your soul to sanity snaps.

‘Oh my god.’ He pushes through the sleek pressure of your walls. ‘Jungkook.’ The whimper of his name rolling off your tongue sends a rush of blood down to his aching cock.

‘Noona, is that okay?’ The genuity in his voice squeezes your heart.

‘Yes, it feels so, argh, good.’

He latches his lips onto your neck and sucks clouds of lavender to your smooth seamless sky. His finger is slowly pumping in and out. It is a foreign feeling, so strange and unfamiliar, yet all the more exciting. The rise of his knuckles hit your wall at eye-rolling angles. Your hips roll in his rhythm to help him reach newer depths. The pleasure is unforgiving, relentless.

Another feeling gnaws at your chest, a longing to please him.

‘I want to make you feel good, Jungkook.’ You mumble, shy.

He looks up at you, finger gradually ceasing its movement. The pure passion alit in his eyes drives you thrumming for him.

‘O-Okay.’

‘You… You have to teach me though.’ Redness flushes your cheeks.

‘Okay.’ He says again, and you wonder if you’ve broken him at the way he’s frozen.

Sheepishly tugging down his pants, you inch yourself down and settle between his legs, the duvet rested upon your shoulders. He bobs free from the restraint of his apparel.

Your eyes bulge at his cock that is, despite the darkness, standing tall and proud, beaming at you. How is that monster going to fit inside you?

A strong vein runs down the course of his length. Angry red tip swollen and trickling with a clear liquid. You look up to find him staring helplessly down at you, gulping. A nervous fear is eating away at your throat; you’ve never done this before, how are you supposed to know how right now?

‘Teach me.’ Your fingers come around the base of his shaft and he gasps audibly.

‘Uh-’ Another gulp. ‘Lick the tip.’

You lick the tip. Drawing your tongue over his engorged head, tasting his salty precum that continues to leak out of him profusely. He curses.

‘Like that?’ Your mouth doesn’t leave him as you say.

‘Mhmm.’ He runs his hand through his dark locks in exasperation. ‘Suck on it gently.’

You suck on it gently. Lips wrapped around his tip like a vacuum while you breath him in. Your cheeks hollow. You look up at him for approval. One eye is clamped shut, the other is barely held open to witness the most seraphic scene.

‘Fuck, noona, like this.’

You try to take in more, letting his wide cock slide into your mouth, careful not to scrape your teeth against his hilt. When he hits the back of your throat, you gag and splutter around him. Embarrassment shoots at you, yet when you glance up, he doesn’t seem to care.

Instead, he brushes your hair behind your ear and coos, ‘Careful, noona.’ He’s so sweet, so dear, you feel a crack in your heart.

So you try again, this time slower, swallowing as much of him as you can. Your hand swirl around his shaft while his massages the back of your scalp. You roll your tongue around his head every time you come up, flickering at his slit. Soon, your pace increases along with your confidence. Jungkook is a mess under you, thighs quivering, toes curling. Humming in satisfaction, your vibrations resonate into his dick and he yelps.

‘Noona, stop before I cum.’ The way he pleads sends your cunt throbbing. You pull his member out of your mouth almost obscenely, inhaling sharply for air.

He gently places you on your back, finger tracing your drenched lips in endearment. ‘Was that ok?’

‘That was perfect, noona. Are you sure that was your first time?’ Doe eyes wide in awe of you. You giggle and nod, glowing in timid pride. ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’

At that, the reality of this situation hits you. This is happening, this is actually happening. You’re going to have sex for the first time. With Jungkook.

Are you sure you want to do this?

You are sure you want to do this. If not with him, then no one else.

‘Yes.’ You state firmly, eyes never once wavering from his.

His gaze on you is so soft, yet so intense, you want to melt under him. ‘Okay. I- I need to go find a condom in Jimin’s room.’

Fuzzy with your feelings for him, you watch him scramble off in the dark to the other room. Loud clangs echo down the hall, you can’t help but smile at the thought of him digging through Jimin’s pig sty, frantically searching with his rock hard cock.

Jungkook returns moments later to the sight of you completely naked on his bed. Gaping like a little boy, he almost falls onto you as he climbs onto the bed while he tears off his own top. For a minute, you two just stare at each other’s bodies, allowing the beauty to sink in and etch itself forever in your souls.

‘Noona, you’re so beautiful. Do you know that?’ He leans over to kiss all over your face.

A warm prickle sieges your heart. No one has ever called you beautiful before. Emotion floods you like an ocean, and you’re suddenly met with a familiar sting behind your eyes.

He hovers over your lips, nose rubbing on yours so lovingly you want to cry. You’re at a loss for words, so you just nod, not daring to peep a sound lest a tear escapes from you.

His hands are shaking as he rolls on the condom. Prudently, he kisses up your inner thighs before spreading them open with care. Finally, he pecks the top of your flower fondly.

Then slowly he rests his elbow beside your head and situate himself between your legs. Both your breaths are wobbly, you search his face for security and find it. His irises reflect his galaxy - you. And your fear ebbs away.

Stroking his tip along your wetness, he kisses the shell of your ear. ‘Are you really really sure?’

‘Yes, Jungkook.’ Your fingers entangle in his hair assuringly.

‘Tell me to stop if it hurts a lot. Promise, noona?’ His concern is heart wrenching.

‘Promise.’ You whisper, other hand locking with his.

Only then does he begin to ease into you. At first you don’t feel much, just his tip diving into you. Then the rest of his length pushes in, plunging through a tremendous pressure built into your walls. Pain blooms inside you as he enters deeper and deeper, it’s an ache that you anticipated but never imagined. You both cry out, though for different reasons.

‘Are you okay?’ You can tell he’s struggling to stay still, shoulders tensing at the temptation to thrust again.

‘Mhmm.’ You manage to gripe. Because despite the blinding pain, you are okay.

‘I’m gonna go as slow as I can.’ He ensures you, fingers tightening around yours.

When he plunges into you again, you expect the hurt to lessen, but it doesn’t. It overwhelms your whole body, yanking inside you. Though, every time he kisses your lips so tenderly, your forget the soreness he’s impaling into you for a fresh second. Opening your eyes, you see him panting at your tightness, trying with every muscle in his body not to go wild at you.

‘Fuck, noona.’ He exhales, forehead rested on yours.

Seeing him so berserk with pleasure calms your running anxiety. His thrusts inevitably quickens, and you just about begin to see pass the pain. Behind the ache, there’s a gratifying sting clenching your walls. The slap of his hips against your thighs ring loud.

‘Still okay?’ Jungkook asks again, worry painting his face at your silence.

‘Yes, you can go faster.’ You answer despite the ever-present soreness. When he drives hard into you, stars and tears blurring your vision.

Something in him snaps as you feel him twitch inside you. His movements grow sloppy and feral, just like the grunts that he heaves. Chasing his climax, you can tell how close he is to his sweet release.

‘Oh- Noona, I’m so cl-ose.’ He’s whimpering into your neck.

‘Jungkook, baby. Come for me.’

At your name for him, he goes crazy, ramming into you with a strength and stamina that you couldn’t expect less of from him. ‘Noona…’ He begs. The pressure inside you is easing, pain dulling, though you know you won’t feel any pleasure this time round.

Then, in one last powerful push, he ejects into you with a loud cry. You pull his lips to yours immediately to soothe his euphoria. This look of pure pleasure on his face rips you to shred as he refuses to let go of your hand. His hips jerk into yours to ride out is high as his whole body deflates onto you.

Although it’s a freezing night, goosebump plaguing both your skins, neither of you feel cold. Instead, you are enshrouded by the warmth of your passion and desire, all you feel is each other.

You, wrapped tightly around him, and him, spasming inside you.

Heavy with exhaustion, he nuzzles up to kiss you. Long, slow and hard. You have never truly appreciated his beauty until this point, under the subtle snow-clouded moon, eyes boring into you with a never-dimming glow of adoration.

Jungkook removes himself from you, hastily disposing the condom to not miss a moment by your side. Dressing you first so you don’t catch a breeze of cold, his touch feels so much warmer, gentler.

Snuggled up under the covers, he holds you so close to him that you hear his beating heart. For a timeless passage, you stare into each other wordlessly, fingers tracing delicately over every patch of skin.

‘Y/N...’ He muses out loud. ‘Y/N… You don’t know how perfect you are…’

Again, he has rendered you speechless.

Caressing your cheek in his palm, he continues. ‘I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because then you would understand why I’m so completely in love with you.’

At his words, your throat constrict. ‘What?’ You choke out.

‘I’m in love with you, noona.’ His lips are trembling, chest pounding against you. Disquietude emanates from how he’s peering at you.

‘Oh.’

‘I don’t know how you never knew, I mean- I guess it’s pretty obvious from the way I act around you. Even Yoongi-hyung spotted it right away…’ He begins to ramble, focus hopping to the collar of your jumper that he’s toying with. ‘I just… I don’t know. There’s something so special about you that I can’t find in anyone else. I thought it was just a crush but... but then you moved in with us and… And my feelings for you just drove me insane. That’s why I kept trying to avoid you. I know I wouldn’t be able to hide it if I actually spent time with you, I’m kinda stupid when it comes to girls if you can’t tell already.

‘But the truth is,’ he takes a deep breath and sighs, ‘I am truly, deeply, madly in love with you, Y/N noona. Everything about you. The way you devour jajangmyeon as easily as breathing. The way you never go a day in winter without wearing these fuzzy socks. The way you only drink lattes and chamomile tea. The way you would rather spend your friday nights curled up with a book. The way you pretend to find Jimin annoying but secretly love the attention he gives you. The way you rushed out to find me in the snow and forgot the bring your keys. And the way you can’t talk to me without stuttering just like how I can’t look you in the eye when we have a conversation.

‘I know this is a lot to spring onto you, and I don’t expect you to love me back at all. But just know that I’m here for you whenever you need. I’m your furnace in a snowstorm, hand warmer in a blizzard. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same for me, I’ll still be here.’

Jungkook finishes with a final huff.

You stare at him, dumbfounded by his confession. Emotion floods your veins at the revelation, and you can all but break down into sobs. Jaw gaping, you regard him from his arms, trying to piece together your scattered thoughts.

‘Noona, say someth-’

You kiss him, urgently and desperately. Like you’ve been drowning in a sea of lostness, aimlessly floating about to try to find your way, and he’s your first gulp of air. Mist of perplexity is finally starting to clear away, and you see the path ahead of you with crystal lucidity.

It’s Jungkook. Jungkook, who knows your favourite colour when even your own mother doesn’t. Jungkook, who waddled out into the freezing snow to buy you new socks. Jungkook, who so gently and delicately made love to you tonight. Jungkook, who has loved you unconditionally and will continue doing so regardless of your feelings towards him.

‘I think… I think I’m falling truly, deeply, madly in love with you too, Jungkook.’

.

End

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extras: christmas special

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@shookpreme @hazelelizabeth99 @teenage-hippie @bunbundesu @tangledsparkles @gingerpeachtae idk who wanted to be tagged lol 😬

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02/09/2019

© Copyright 2019

[crazy4myself]

No Harm List | Pt. 5

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 9,494

Summary: You live in a city where crime runs rampant. One day, you save a young boy's life, not knowing that he is one of the most powerful crime lord's heir. And you have just been put on the no harm list. 

Warnings: cussing, mentions of drugs

Genre: Gang/mafia AU, romance, angst, violence, fluff

Rating: 17 N/C

Banner Credit: @mindays​ 

A/n: So it’s been a whole month since I’ve updated and I’m so sorry. Between work and the baby, it’s been impossible to find time to write. I know the chapter is a little shorter than promised, but that’s because it got soo freaking long that I had no choice but to split it into two. But as a result, you got a bit more Jungkook and Ella fluff, so you’re welcome. I hope you enjoy this chapter! As always please let me know your thoughts because it really does help me write!

Also thanks again so much @mindays​ for this rockin banner!!!!

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You sighed as you took another bite of your cookie, it was delicious, but it wasn't perfect. Something about the texture felt off too you. The cookie felt homemade in the unprofessional way, not the 'grandma's classic' way Sugar Daddy always delivered. 

"Jimin," you whined as you set the half-eaten dessert next to you on the counter, frowning at the cooling batch. Jimin made his way over to you, smiling as he reached for the other half.

"What is it, princess?" he asked, taking a bite and raising his eyebrows in delight. 

"Don't humor me, you know I did something wrong," you grumbled. While you have overcome most of the baking learning curve your past two weeks in the kitchen, most of your baked goods being tasty enough to sell upfront (when Jimin decorated them), they were not perfect. 

You were still learning your way around the chemistry it takes to make the 'perfect' cookie. 

"You did, but we'll figure it out" he confessed as he shoved the rest of the baked good in his mouth before clapping his hands, "C'mon walk me through it," he ordered and you turned back to your work station with a sigh, 

You both loved and hated Jimin's guidance. Loved because he was brilliant in the kitchen and caught your mistakes in a heartbeat, he was eager to teach you and rarely judged you for your incompetence. You hated it because you felt embarrassed, you were hired to do a job you weren't excelling at, and it took a hit on your ego.

Not to mention Jimin dropping everything he was doing to help you get it right was also slowing him down when opening up the bakery. 

"Are you sure you have time?" you asked peeping at the clock, it was 7:45 you still had a few minutes before the bakery opens at 8. Enough to prepare one more batch of cookies to put in the oven.  

"Yeah I'm good, Jungkook had a hard open this morning, I just came in a little earlier than you did so the kid could take a nap," he says with a shrug. 

The bakery had two opening shifts; the 'hard open' has a report time of 4:30 am where the bakers have to prepare all the bread, breakfast pastries, and any custom orders for the day. And the soft open starts at 7 am. 

Lucky for you, you hadn't proven valuable enough to qualify for the hard open just yet, and you were clinging to your mornings of sleeping in as you slowly passed through your 'new girl' phase at the bakery. 

"Jungkook? Really I didn't even see him," you said surprised, certain the two of you would have crossed paths on his walk home.

But when you turned and looked at the apron hooks at by door, you saw his apron, which simply stated, Let's get this bread, was hanging front and center, confirming he had come by today.

 Jimin smiled a knowing smile, "That's because he went to nap in the apartment upstairs," Jimin teased. "Now come on we have cookies to make." 

You reached for the ingredients, and you and Jimin carefully measured out before turning to the mixture, "So the apartment upstairs, is that one of your safe houses?" you asked tentatively. 

You were slowly, but surely introducing yourself into BTS's world the past two weeks of working here, asking Jin and Jimin and any of the other members who came by to visit tentative questions about the gang's inner workings. 

Jimin grinned, amused, "Kind of, it's definitely a safe place for our members to use, but we don't put anyone up there if they're on the run. Can't risk having the place raided- it's bad for business." he added as an afterthought as you looked at him with a raised brow. 

"Why else would they need a safe place?" you asked, confused on what dilemma the men you were slowly getting to know could worm their way into and not out. 

"Well, Army comes from all parts of life," Jimin started with a shrug. "A lot of them join because they don't have anywhere to go, or they need a place to getaway. The apartment upstairs is for people like them, people who need to escape their homes." Jimin explained. 

That was one thing you could never see to make yourself forget about BTS as much as you want to write them off as criminals and be upset with Hoseok about what he has done. 

They honestly were trying to make Alcorn a better place for the forgotten. The kids who can't help but have the circumstances dictate their outcomes. Who has no way to better their resources on their own? 

When Army takes the tattoo, an inversion of the inner circle's symbol, they traditionally get it placed on their forearms, but some can choose to have it on their upper arm or chest. They can also choose its size.

 You met a member who had the small shape in the fleshy crook between their thumb and pointer finger, Getting the tattoo in a small place ensured that it was easy to cover or remove if they chose to leave BTS. A concept you were still trying to wrap your head around because of the series of dizzying rules that follow it. 

"Well, that's your problem," Jimin laughed as he watched you distractedly sift your dry ingredients into the mixer.

"What am I using the wrong sized sifter?" you asked, confused as you looked for another tool nearby to check if there even was a size difference. 

He laughed, "No, but you put your sugar in as a dry ingredient, have you been doing that this whole time?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes, why wouldn't I sugar is dry" you sad dumbfounded

"No, the sugar counts as a wet ingredient," he chided

"But it's dry its-" you couldn't form words as you tried to process what he was telling you, looking between him and the bag of sweet crystals in outrage. 

He giggled at your expression, "It's treated like a wet ingredient because it's soluble it dissolves better in the liquid, making the texture softer and less gritty." You growled at his explanation, it made perfect scientific sense, but you were still infuriated by sugar being identified as the wrong physical property. 

"Well what about salt is it property fluid as well?" you snapped accusingly, 

Jimin couldn't help but giggle at your frustration, "No salt can go in as dry, because the cookies rely on the chemical reaction of the salt to control the rate the dough releases carbon dioxide," he explained simply.

You blinked at him expression vacant as you processed what he was saying, Jimin sighed; clearly, you didn't pay much attention in your college chemistry class. "It keeps from making giant air bubbles," he dumbed down, and your eyes lit up in understanding. 

You grunted in frustration as you watched Jimin dump your dry batter out of the mixer. Before you could think to stop yourself, you reached for a handful of sugar out of the back and threw it in his face in frustration. 

"Hey, what are you doing!" Jimin demanded as you pelted him with another hit 

"I'm splashing you; what else would you call it" you teased as you threw another handful showering his apron, which proudly had Hot Buns embroidered across it, in the sweet crystals. 

"Look at how WET you are. You're absolutely soaked," you continued as you berated him much to his distress.

"What's going on?" 

You turned at the gravelly sound of Jungkook's morning voice, seeing the boy squinting in the bright light of the kitchen. 

"Koo, thank goodness this insane woman was attacking me." Jimin hissed at you.

You threw one more pinch of sugar before you smiled sheepishly as you were caught in your childish antics, thankful it was Jungkook and not Jin who walked in on you blatantly making a mess of his kitchen. You looked down as you remembered your place. 

"I'll grab the broom," you murmured as you moved to clean up your mess. 

"I'm sure you deserved it," Jungkook told his brother as he put up a hand to stop you. Grabbing the broom from the wall himself, "I got it you go open up front Ellie" he mumbled tiredly as he began sweeping. 

You smiled at him in gratitude and reached to ruffle his hair endearingly, before sticking your tongue out at Jimin, who just muttered "Unbelievable" under his breath as he turned back to his work station. 

You had already started the coffee and filled up the display area when you were waiting for your cookies to bake. So you only needed to unlock the front door and add today's specials to the chalkboard menu on the counter before Sugar Daddy was in business for the day. 

"Mornin' princess," you heard a tired voice mumble, and you looked up from the curling S in the word 'chicken salad' to see Yoongi in front of the counter swaying where he stood like he was at risk of falling asleep right there.

 You set down the chalk as you greeted him, quickly rinsing your hands off and fixing a large iced Americano before he could even make the order himself.

 "Anything for breakfast?" you asked as you handed him the cup, watching with a satisfied smile as he slipped the reusable straw you had given him a week prior. Yoogi simply grunted before taking a long sip of his drink. 

"I'm good," he said with a satisfied smile, already looking more alert as the caffeine instantly revived him, there was even more color to his cheeks. 

"Okay, that will be $2.75," you chirped in your best customer service voice, but your hands didn't move for the iPad that made up your register. 

"Cute," Yoongi laughed before turning away with a smirk, "You got jokes, Ella, keep it up, and I might tip you one day," he called over his shoulder before letting himself out of the store. You gritted your teeth.

 Your first day of handling the register by yourself, Min Yoongi came in and ordered an Americano, when you rang him up he gave you a dismissive, 'put it on my tab,' before stepping out of the growing line of the morning rush behind him. You were frantic as you searched for the setting where you could open tabs, watching in distress as Jimin quickly handed his elder the drink, and he made his way out the store, all while impatient customers tapped their foot in front of you.  

"I don't know how to open a tab," you finally called to Jimin after he came to check on what the hold up was. Jimin let out a loud belly laugh amused by your distress as he closed out Yoongi's order with a simple, "He never pays." 

You never got an explanation as to why or how that happened, but you do know Yoongi drinks at least 10 ten iced americanos a day. While the diluted espresso wasn't a huge financial strain, you wondered how many disposable cups Jin lost to Min Yoongi each week. 

You were always a bit of an environmentalist and had taken personal responsibility to try and reduce Yoongi's waste output. He accepted your gift of a reusable compact straw he could attach to his keychain, noting it made his drink taste cooler when he sipped through it. 

But you were still working on how to get him to reuse his cups. The man was unwilling to carry around a reusable one all day, claiming it was a hassle and didn't want to wash it. 

Environment and economics aside, there was the whole other concern that you were fairly certain Yoongi drank more coffee than water. And you were worried his little heart was going to give out from the caffeinated strain one day. 

"Cute handwriting," Jungkook whispered over your shoulder, making you startle and causing you to mess up the flower you were doodling next to the lunch special. 

You pouted, sending him a small glare as he smiled sheepishly, "I'm going to get you a bell to wear around your neck, so you don't sneak up on me like that," you threatened as you smudged the haywire petal. 

Jungkook smirked as he took the chalk from you, "You going to have to ask a bit more nicely if you wanna see me in a collar," he teased as he drew a perfect flower over yours. You flushed at his comments as you turned away. 

You and Jungkook had gotten closer in the few weeks you had been working at the bakery. Apparently, he was grounded by his gang dad's for a situation you still didn't understand, and part of his punishment involved working opening shifts at the bakery before class. 

He was starting to get more comfortable around you, and the shy bashful Jungkook you had been acquainted with two weeks prior had faded in your shared mornings kneading dough in the kitchen. 

To your dismay, he had grown bold and cocky, and a never-ending pain in your ass as he wasn't afraid to joke and tease you anymore. And if you thought bashful Jungkook was dangerous, you had nothing to prepare you for his confident persona.

"I wouldn't need a bell if you stayed aware of your surroundings," he pointed out as he continued to sketch a cute kitten on the bottom of the menu. 

You sighed, "It's too damn early for this Jeon," you murmured as you made your way to the coffee station, grabbing your personal mug and pouring your coffee and cream into it. Before reaching for Jungkook's to-go cup to fix his drink. 

"It's always too early or too late when are we going to talk about this?" he asked, turning to face you. "I'm not going to be able to walk you home every night, ya know." 

"Not even if I ask nicely," you asked over the rim of your cup, batting your eyelashes at him innocently. He scoffed, but you could see the blush creeping up his neck as you wormed your way under your skin. 

"Jungkook, I've lived in Alcorn for four years now, not once has anyone got the best of me," you gave him a look that clearly said unlike you, "I'm pretty sure I'm fine," you finished as you turned back to steaming the caramel syrup into his milk.

"Things are different now," he argued.

"No, they're not, Kook I can handle my own," you sighed, growing tired of the back and forth, asking yourself why you were even making this ungrateful brats coffee. 

"Ooh, are we talking about how Ella can or can not kick ass?" Jimin asked as he made his way from the kitchen with a tray full of muffins. 

Your concentration broke as his outburst, and a large portion of milk plopped into Jungkook's mug, ruining the heart you were practicing in the drink. "No," you hissed in frustration, grabbing the caramel sauce to doodle a smiley face over your mistake. Jungkook smirked as he watched you work more willing to hold his tongue when his coffee was on the line. 

And to your relief, the bell chimed as customers made their way in the bakery. You brushed past Jungkook, handing him his drink as you took your place at the register, effectively ending the conversation as you greeted the customer. He sighed but surrendered for now. 

Jungkook has been pushing to give you self defense lessons since your first day at the bakery. While BTS made sure to keep an eye on you while investigating the Black Tips incident.

 Jin got word that the men who ambushed Jungkook, were there for him in advance. And while they could assume the leek came from one of Sylvia's men if not the trafficker himself, no one has found out why Jungkook would be a target—not finding any leads from the Black Tips themselves. 

Jungkook was nervous, he was used to their being a target on his back, but no one had ever had the guts to aim for it before. And while he got away that night, he hated knowing he dragged you into this mess. He couldn't stand the thought of you being in danger of helping him. He needed to know you could protect yourself if you somehow ended up on your own. 

Jungkook took a quick sip of his coffee, trying to keep his face neutral despite the incense sweetness that attacked his tongue. While it was true, he favored a sweeter drink like a caramel macchiato in the afternoons; he preferred something stronger like a plain coffee with one cream and two sugars in the morning. 

Not to mention the amount of syrup you used to decorate his drinks when you failed at latte art was enough to give him a cavity. Jungkook couldn't bring himself to complain, though.

 He liked the gesture of you taking the effort to make him a cup every morning too much. He smiled to himself as he grabbed his backpack and headed to his morning classes. 

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The bakery had a steady flow of customers that morning, and the constant work kept you busy enough to keep your mind from wandering during your shift. But as you got off that afternoon to head to your classes, you couldn't help but dwell on the thoughts you tried your hardest to avoid. 

It has been two weeks since you talked to Hobi. 

Well really talked to him, he still sent you text every evening to check-in that you were safe, and you were guilty of doing the same if you ever heard too many police sirens or gunshots in the night. 

But check in's aside this was the longest you had gone without seeing him since your friendship started. 

You missed his unannounced arrivals at night where the two of you would eat junk food and put on movies only to talk over them, or when he would call you to come downstairs to help him test drive a car, and you would beg for mercy on your life as he sped down winding, back roads blasting the music so loud you felt the bass dance in your bones. 

You struggled to focus on your lectures through the afternoon, before finally settling for mindlessly taking notes and hoping you could piece together the information on your own later. 

You had a test in one of your classes two days from now and planned on grabbing lunch on campus and staying at the library late into the evening to prepare, but you couldn't see yourself focusing by then either. 

You decided to go to the gym after your last lecture. 

Your university had a free gym for students on campus, and while you frequented the cardio exercise classes like Zumba, there was nothing quite like running till you can't think anymore on the treadmill or lifting weights to clear your head. You figured getting your frustration out with your workout would help you think more clearly with how you should approach the Hoseok situation.

After your lecture let out you made your trek across campus to head to the gym; it was around 4 pm that weird hour that wasn't quite afternoon but wasn't quite evening, where students that weren't in classes didn't know what to do with themselves and usually found themselves submitting the hour to Tick Tock in the Student Union, so the gym was relatively empty. 

You were a frequent rule breaker and left your gym bag in your locker between visits, despite what the signs in the locker room ask, so you always had a change of clothes for when sparattically decided to workout. 

You were quickly reminded why that was a rule when you opened the door to the musty scent of your dirty work out clothes. You were obviously in need of a fresh set.

You made a mental note to bring your gym bag home and bring back a fresh set next time you came to campus as you moved for the changing areas. 

You scrunched your nose at the musty smell. Before reminding yourself, you were going to stink no matter what after your workout and forced yourself into the smelly electric blue compression leggings and sports bra it was one of your favorite sets the color made it look bold despite its minimalist design. Not to mention the leggings made your ass look great. 

You weren't an athlete by any means growing up, but you took advantage of the resources provided to you when you started college determined to fight off the dreaded freshman 15. 

You attended several workout classes with Daewon, and outside of classes, the two of you explored a majority of the equipment in the gym, watching a number of Youtube videos for guidance, and slowly the two of you formed a baseline work out routine that you still clung to today.

You weren't a regular at the gym, there was a time in your life where you attended Zumba weekly, between your afternoon classes, but the chaos of the last month of your life robbed you of that habit too. Other than Zumba, you mostly turned to the gym when you needed a sweaty distraction or when you were avoiding your schoolwork. 

Your mind viewed working out as it did cleaning; it was productive enough to excuse you from doing your work without feeling like the quitter you were. It also meant you did it the most when you had a ton of studying to do.

You secured your hair into a quick but effective braid down your back, not bothering to check how nice it looked in the mirror before heading out on the gym floor.

 You stretched quickly before hopping on a treadmill telling yourself you would put in a quick mile as a warm-up, putting your headphones in and allowing your mind to surrender to the music as you got your heart rate up a little. 

Nine minutes later, you were walking out your cool down as you scanned the weights area, determining what looked the least crowded so you could get started without having to interact with anyone. 

You settled for taking the vacant pulley machine and worked through your usual weight routine, focusing first on your biceps and then your chest. When your arms felt like they were equal parts on fire and made of jelly, and your mind fell into that pleasant, empty haze, you had mercy on yourself and moved to wipe the machine down. 

You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror as you cooled down, and saw your face, chest, and upper arms were a splotchy red from the strain, and a layer of sweat coated your entire body. 

You knew you weren't attractive when you worked out, but you always admired yourself a bit anyways.

You were flushed, your hair was frizzing along the edge, and strands of hair escaped from your braid and stuck out wildly in all directions.

 All and all, you looked like the definition of a hot mess. 

But you were proud of your body for serving you well. You were more aware of the strength in the muscle under your skin, the way they swelled or bulged from your arms wasn't feminine or delicate, but you found it beautiful nonetheless.  

Taking a minute to rest, you mindlessly unlocked your phone and immediately found yourself opening your messages to Hoseok out of habit. 

You hadn't checked in on him in two days, and you didn't respond to his text from this afternoon. Your thumb hovered over the screen hesitantly before you finally shut it off and tucked it back in your pocket.

 You still didn't know if you wanted to avoid Hoseok or hug him and makeup. 

You decided you weren't tired enough if you could still think about this. 

You turned the music up on your headphones in an attempt to blast out the thoughts swirling in your mind and headed for the leg press machine. You did a quick circuit targeting your quads and inner thighs on a few of the machines before making your way to the Smith machine for assisted barbell squats.  

You embraced the burn in your glutes as you locked the bar back in its holder after your first rep, rolling the stiffness out of your shoulders as you counted down from thirty. 

You were never good at making yourself wait or rest between reps, and because of that, you were prone to fatigue yourself faster. 

You took a moment to stretch your arms across yourself and roll your neck, focusing on how the tension left your body before you moved to settle the barbell once again across your shoulders. 

You spread your legs abd centered your weight, and with a quick flick of your wrist, you released the bar from its holder, dropping the full weight onto your shoulders. You let your breath sizzle through your teeth as you squatted down, taking care to keep your knees from going out past your toes, so you targeted the right muscle group. 

You stared at yourself in the mirror you were facing making sure you kept the correct form when a sudden movement from behind you caught your attention. 

Your eyes flicked across the mirror to lock in on the reflection of no other than Jeon Jungkook. 

You let your lips turn into a slight smirk through your panting as you watched his arm come to a stuttering stop mid hammer curl as you continued your squats. You watched his eyes observe the motion of your body, ignoring the warmth in your stomach as you took him in return.

 Jungkook usually wore oversized clothes on a daily basis. You couldn't understand why now that you took him in in his muscle shirt that exposed the entirety of his beautiful arms. 

For the first time, you took in the full extent of the artwork that decorated his right arm. The tattoo's dark ink dotted their way up to his arm and his back shoulder. The placments were spread out enough that it wasn’t quite a full sleeve, but you were certian it would be within a few years. 

You always knew Jungkook was big, you could tell by his broad shoulders and a hint of muscle you saw when he tied his apron around his tiny waist, but you didn't realize the extent of his strength. 

You drank in the sight of him now, the defined lines of the his triceps and bicepts. And his toned obliques you could peek slightly from the low cut of the arm hole of his shirt.  

The guy could probably bench press you if he wanted to. 

You smiled to yourself as you reached 10, and pushed to lock the barbell back in its holder. You hope Jungkook didn't notice how your knees shook slightly or that you locked the bar in the clamp lower than the one you were initially using. Your trembling legs were too weak to fully extend to the one level with your shoulders.

You bide your time rolling out your shoulders as you watch him through the mirror. The punk hadn't taken his eyes off your ass yet, and you smirked as you turned to face him. 

"Something catch your eye, Kook?" You called him with a saccharine smile.

 He blinked in his daze before clearing his throat and stammering, "Ella, oh nothing at all. I was just checking your form."

You raised an eyebrow, trying to hide your smile as you watched the blush crawl up his cheeks.

You tried not to let the thought of Jungkook checking you out in the gym get to you head. But it totally did, and you couldn't help but tease him more, "I hope you were pleased with what you saw." 

His mouth curled into a smirk as he recovered and remembered himself, "I must say I was very impressed," he offered, and you smacked his arm as you sat on the other end of the bench, watching as he resumed his rep. 

"I didn't know you came here," you started, he looked at you with a raised eyebrow as if asking, have you looked at me?

You scoffed, "I meant this gym stupid. I assumed your fancy mansion had its own gym in it. Jimin told me you guys trained there." 

Trained for what? You didn't know.  

Jungkook placed his weight on the ground before straightening, "Oh well, I come between classes to pass the time, beats traveling across town," he explained as he rolled out his shoulders. 

Right, you remember him saying something about having evening lectures on Tuesday and Thursdays.

"How long until your class?" 

He smiled, "Long enough to take you upstairs and teach you a thing or two," the shock must have been apparent on your face because he quickly amended, "Self defense! There's a bunch of mats upstairs for the kickboxing classes they have; I could show you a few things." 

You sucked your teeth as you considered.

 You had no reason to be hostile and say no, there was nothing wrong with being able to defend yourself. 

At first, you were defensive because it made it all too real. You were worried knowing how to protect yourself would somehow drag you deeper into Jungkook's world, but you now realize you were in it, whether you were ready to be or not. It was best, safest, to be able to protect yourself. 

"Alright, Jeon, but don't pull anything stupid," you warned as you got up and headed for the second level of the gym. 

"Alright, we'll start simple," Jungkook started as he approached you, you were standing on the center of the mat in one of the boxing practice rooms. He was slowly pacing around you reminding you of a preditor looking at you as if you were his prey, you weren't going to lie it made you want to wrap your arms around yourself self contiously, but you held your ground and kept your hands at your side. 

“I’m going to show you a handful of moves that you can use to get out of someoe grip if they try attacking you or grabbing you. Everything will be strictly offense.” he explained settling to stand infront of you. 

You nodded along to confirm you understood. 

“An important part of these moves is to get the guy down and then disengage no beat his ass. I think they’ll be super useful and be a bit more effective than throwing a shoe at someone.” He said with a smirk. 

You smiled cheekily at him, “Hey don’t hate. You’re just jealous because you could never be as resourcful as I am.”

He rolled his eyes with a scoff before clapping his hands together and changing his stance, "I'll start by showing you how to get out of someone's grip if they grab you by your hair," he said, approaching you. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," you said quickly, putting your hands up in defense, "We don't play dirty, no hair pulling," you warned as you backed away. 

Jungkook flashed a bunny smile in amusement, "Unfortunately, a lot of guys do. If I remember correctly that's exactly how they got you down the night you saved me” he teased, but hesitated as he saw your discomfort. 

"Don't worry I'll be gentle I promise." he said softly as he approached you again raising his arm as if reaching for your braid. 

You shook your head furiously, "Aren't we supposed to practice on you first?" you argued. "Ya know so that you can explain it better." you pushed trying to delay the inevitable. What have you gotten yourself into?

"Ella, I don't have a ponytail," he started, but your hand quickly shot for the back of his head, entangling your fingers in the soft waves and gripping them lightly. Jungkook let a sigh escape his lips as you tugged his head back slightly, and he had to blink to remember himself before he continued. 

"Okay," he said breathlessly as he centered his weight, "A lot of people have the instinct to pull away or try to run, that won't work," he started. 

"What you do is you swing your arm around up and over theirs, and pinch their elbow into the crook of yours and push down," he gently acted out his explanation. 

You stumbled quickly, releasing your grasp on his hair as you felt pressure pushing your elbow opposite of how the joint naturally bends. 

You promptly found yourself on your knees, your arm still trapped in his hold.

"Once you have them here, you can punch them and run," he said, throwing a mock punch at your face. You tried, and failed not to flinch. 

"These moves don't require strength. You have to use surprise to your advantage and, most importantly, disengage and get away as soon as possible." He explained as he released you and helped you up. 

"Now your turn," he reached for your braid, grabbing the part closest to the base of your skull and tugging slightly, but not enough to hurt. 

You resisted the urge to try and pull out his grasp and swung your arm into an arch like he showed you tucking his elbow between yours before pushing down. 

It was a little clumsy, and he didn't go down at first, but as you increased the pressure and shoved down a little harder, Jungkook released his grip on your hair and fell to his knees with a thud.

 "Now punch me," he ordered through his teeth. 

"I'm not-" he looked up at you defiantly, and you settled with a mocking air punch making a quite "Bam" as a sound effect before pulling away. 

"I'm not comfortable hitting you," you said, twiddling your thumbs together. 

Jungkook looked like he wanted to argue, but this was your first session, and he didn't want to get you too far out of your comfort zone. 

He hoped you would be willing to show him what kind of punches you were packing later on down the road, maybe with boxing gloves so you would be more comfortable.  

"Fine, but let's do it again to make sure you have the hang of it," he offered. 

You ran the exercise again, each time Jungkook was careful not to pull your hair too hard, but he did start resisting a bit more to encourage you to move and fight more quickly. And while it should have taken you a little longer to get him to the ground each time you attacked with new vigor, making sure you moved fast enough that he couldn't resist too much. 

Jungkook smiled at you as you hovered your fist in front of his face menisenly, your face stelled and set in concentration. After a few more rounds of grabbing your hair at various angles, the defensive move came naturally to you, and you got him on the ground successfully each time. 

"Good, good, okay, let's move on," he said breathlessly as you helped him up from the ground. 

"I'm going to teach you an easy one; it's what you do if a man grabs you around the wrist." He explained, walking closer. 

"Grab my wrist, and grip it tight," he ordered. 

You did as he instructed, although your fingers couldn't fully wrap around it. 

If he moved to pull out of your grip, he could do it easily, but to your surprise, he didn't yank downwards like your dad always told you to do to get out of a man's grasp. 

"You can yank and pull all you want, and that may get you out, but some guys will be able to just grip harder, and you're more at risk of injuring yourself," he explained, giving a light tug in your grasp. 

"Instead, place your other hand on top of his to hold it down. Use the hand in their grasp to grip their wrist for a more secure hold. Then swing your arm in a large circle, grab their wrist, and push down." 

You stumbled with a gunt as he followed through with his actions, using his free hand to hold yours against his wrist, and wrapping his captured hand around your wrist as he swung his arm in a large arc, effectively taking your arm and positioning at an awkward angle behind you before shoving you forward and onto your knees.

 Jungkook was careful not to push too hard to hurt you, but the discomfort was inevitable. 

"Alright, then you push him down and disengage, do not try to keep hold of a man that's bigger than you. Safety always comes first run if you can," he explained before releasing your hand and helping you up. 

"This move is a good one because it doesn't require strength. You're stronger than I thought you were, but guys still have weight and height to their advantage." Jungkook explained as he reached for your wrist, effectively circling his fingers around it to the point where his thumb and middle finger overlapped. 

You tried not to smile to yourself at the thought of Jungkook recognizing your strength. You never liked to be considered delicate. 

Jungkook once again explained the maneuver walking you through each step and critiquing your hand placement before you were ready to try it in real-time. 

You tried the maneuver on him swinging his arm before pushing him to the ground, and while he resisted the pressure, you smiled in victory as he fell to his knees. 

"That was good, but a bit quicker, the surprise is a contributing factor, anyone who's expecting it can get out of it," he offered. He drilled you on the process a few more times, making sure you moved in one fluid motion instead of initiating it step by the step before ordering you to try with your non-dominant hand. 

It was your third try with your non-dominant hand when things went wrong. 

You grew a little vicious moving faster so you could get him down before he had time to react or resist, and you shoved a bit harder. He fell to his knees with a harsh thud, but it was the way that he desperately yanked his wrist out of your grip with a sharp cry that set off red flags in your head. 

"Jungkook," you cried, falling on your knees next to him to see him cradling his arm to his chest. 

"It's fine," he said through his teeth. You glared as you reached for his hand, remembering that it was the same wrist he injured three weeks prior when he got jumped. 

"Oh, you idiot, where is your brace?" you demanded as you inspected the swollen appendage. 

He didn't respond, only smiled at you sheepishly. "Have you been lifting weights without it? Have you let it rest at all?" you demanded as you got up, pulling him up with you and dragging him out the boxing area, you had claimed. 

You continued to lecture him and gripe under your breath as you dragged him, by the good wrist, down the stairs, and through the gym to the ice machine where you wrapped a few cubes of ice into a wad of paper towels. 

"Here idiot," you offered grumpily.

"Is this how you talk to all your patients, Doctor?" he asked mockingly as he took the makeshift ice pack.

Bedside manner was something you were going to have to work on in med school. 

You get easily frustrated when people blatantly ignore doctors' orders and further jeopardize their health. If you have liver problems, stop drinking. If you have lung problems, don't smoke. If you have an injured wrist, put it in a damn brace and don't lift weights or pick fights with people. 

You told him as much as you watched him ice it for a few minutes though the action did little to help the swelling go down. 

"Are you mad at me?" Jungkook asked softly, not quite looking at you.

He peeked up to see your eyes soften a bit at the question, "I'm not mad, just a little frustrated. You're my friend, and I don't want to see you hurt. Especially since I was the one that hurt you," you explained, reaching to brush his sweaty bangs behind his ears.  

Jungkook tried to ignore how his chest tightened at the simple action, "It was my fault, you were only doing what I told you to do." he offered, not wanting you to feel responsible for his stupidity. 

You didn't look up at him, instead focusing down on his wrist, turning and angling it in a way that you could better check the swelling. 

"I have supplies at home, I could wrap it if you like?" you offered

"I'm really fine. It doesn't even- yah! Okay," he hissed as you applied light pressure to it. You smiled in victory, and the two of you parted ways briefly to grab your bags before meeting back up. Jungkook drove to school, so you didn't have to worry about catching the bus. 

It was a quick drive from campus to your apartment, Jungkook nimbly avoided the traffic of main roads by cutting through neighborhoods you didn't even know connected. 

"You know this city like the back of your hand, don't you?" you asked, surprised by how quickly you were pulling into your apartment complex. 

"It comes with the job," he said with a shrug. 

You didn't know what 'the job' was. If it was driving a getaway car or dealing drugs, or... you couldn't even think up other possibilities. 

You couldn't muster up the courage to ask him as you made your way up the stairs to your door. A brown and black cat with bright green eyes waited outside your door, meowing impatiently as you approached. 

"That's Jeremy," you introduced as you bent down to give him pets. Jungkook smiled at the ridiculously human name for a cat. 

"He's a stray, but I leave food out for him.  Hoseok won't let me bring him in the apartment. ‘Says he'd trash the place," you explained as you grabbed the little bowl you left outside your door and unlocked your apartment. 

"But he's so cute, how can you resist?" he questioned giving the cat some pets himself.

"I know!" you whined, setting the now filled bowl of cat food back on the ground. "I'm thinking about getting him a collar, though, just to make sure animal control doesn't come to scoop him up," you said offhandedly. 

"I say you just let him move in, fuck Hoseok. We're mad at him anyway, right?" Jungkook said jokingly. 

You laughed along as you made your way to the living room area, "Take a seat," you ordered, gently pointing to the couch, "I'll go grab my first aid kit."

Jungkook sat down immediately, sinking into the worn brown couch as he inspected the apartment. It wasn't quite a studio, the entire front area was open to what was the kitchen, dining room, and living room, but there was a door that gave the bedroom some privacy, and another door that leads to what he assumed was the bathroom. 

The apartment wasn't dirty, but it was well lived in. 

The front was slightly crowded, the entertainment center and the coffee table in front of the couch were nearly touching. You had two bean bags stacked in the corner next to the sofa, probably for when you had more guests. And there was an array of fuzzy blankets draped over the couches and piled next to the bean bag chairs. 

The one window next to the door had various potted plants scatted in front of it and a few were hanging from ropes in the ceiling.

 Most of them looked the be herbs and cacti. Jungkook could tell by the way sprouts were missing their leaves that you most likely cooked with them. 

The natural smell of the plants scented the air with a mild and refreshing spice scent of mint, basil, and rosemary. But the strongest scent came from the pot of wild lavender that was placed next to the couch. The floral scent put him at ease naturally and reminded him of the time Jin put lavender drops in his diffuser when he complained about having a hard time sleeping. 

The kitchen was small, the cabinet doors were on crooked hinges, and perhaps had chipped paint, but you had taped little slivers of miss-matched scrapbook paper over the worst spots. And the look was pleasantly charming. There was no counter space, but he saw a small card table in the corner with a knife block and cutting board on it that you must use for your prep station when your cooking. 

 The dining room table had three miss-matched chairs, but the little cushions on them somehow tied the whole look together and made it seem like a matching set.

 Everything looked thrifted and worn, but the little touches you added, the cushions and pillows on the couch, the small tapestry of cacti Jungkook was pretty sure every college girl ordered for her dorm room, and the fairy lights that lined the living room walls made the place feel cozy and homey. 

He could see a little part of you in every piece of the apartment, and because of that he immediately felt at ease, and at home in it. He imagined you and Hoseok must spend many nights in the cozy room, cooking dinner together, or having long movie nights. 

He couldn’t help but slip himself into the fantasy and wondered if there would ever be a day where this apartment would be a familiar comfort. If he would know the story of how you got those chairs or where the photos pinned to the refrigerator door were taken.

You were thankful that the front of your apartment was at least presentable with the surprise company. Your room was a train wreck you planned to keep hidden. After digging through your closet for your first aid kit, you cleared your coffee table of its mess of textbooks and flashcards and set your first aid kit on top. Jungkook's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he took in the size of the kit. It looked fit for an EMT. 

You detoured to the kitchen, first grabbing an ice pack out the freezer and handing it to him. 

"You might have strained it a little while you were driving, I want as much swelling as possible to go down before I wrap it," you explained.

 Before you ruffled through the kit, moving several tools, Jungkook didn't quite know the purpose for, until you grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen. "Take this for the swelling," you ordered, handing him a cup of water. 

"Thanks, I'm sorry to put you through the trouble," he said sheepishly. 

"No, I don't mind." you amended. And it was true, helping people like this, easing their pain and making them more comfortable was something you took pride in doing. 

You could feel the approaching awkward silence, and you took the chance to ask the question that was nagging at the back of your head. 

"So earlier you said knowing the city 'comes with the job' what do you do? Ya know, for BTS?" you asked hesitantly as you pushed back at the cuticle of your thumb. You were lucky not to have a nail-biting habit, but you did have a habit of pushing back your cuticles when you got fidgety. 

"Oh umm, it kinda changes over time, the inner circle has responsibilities and such, but our duties are pretty ambiguous. We don't have assigned jobs like Armys do.." Jungkook said hesitantly. 

You looked at him expectantly, and he continued, "Like Suga Hyung is head of surveillance, but he also does investigations and fieldwork and such. And Jin Hyung is head of intelligence, but he also does a lot of the business for BulletProof, and he completely runs Sugar Daddy. Jimin is our arsonist, but he can fight, and deal, and do a lot of things really," he said, rambling. 

"I'm sorry, did you just say Jimin is an arsonist?" you asked in disbelief. Jungkook looked at you, shocked but nodded. 

"He's really good at science stuff, that's why he bakes so good." Jungkook offered as an explanation. 

You think back to the chemistry lectures you had to sit through every time Jimin taught you a new recipe. It made sense, but you were still surprised. You would expect something like arson to be more in V's field with the crazy look in his eyes. 

"Okay, but you still haven't told me what you do," you pushed. 

At this point, Jungkook's ice pack was starting to drip, and you were probably good to wrap his wrist, but you were too caught up in better understanding BTS and everything that they do. 

Jungkook huffed out a nervous laugh, "I do lots of stuff. When I first started, I was dealing. I worked my way up to more of the pharmaceuticals and medical-grade stuff. I mostly sold insulin or other simple medicines like that. The pharmacy industry is way corrupt, and poor people need meds too, ya know?" he rambled.

 You nodded in agreement. Pharmaceuticals and health care expenses were something you were continually challenging your teachers on in your ethics class. You hated becoming a doctor knowing health care was a business people monopolized in Alcorn. 

"I've helped Suga with surveillance some I really like that. I'm studying software engineering to get better at it. I think I'm faster at hacking than Suga is at this point, but don't tell him I said that. I've also just kind of been the muscle for the inner circle. When RM and Jin have meetings, I always go as back up. I lead training sessions and help teach new recruits how to fight, too." he went on.

Jungkook didn't want to tell you the other reason why he went to meetings.

For some reason, he felt like telling you he's the heir of BTS wouldn't sit with you well. To know that he was training to be a crime lord and was minoring in business so he could perfect the art of embezzlement and make network connections while taking classes with the next generation of Alcorn's businessmen and investors. 

He didn’t want to talk about how BTS had a timeline of working its way out the gang scene of the Westside and worm their way into the upper East. RM runs BTS more like a mafia, a family with limitless assets and connections, depending more on his and Jin's charm and connections than violence and brute force to make business deals. 

Jungkook also didn't know how to tell you or any of his hyungs that he didn't want to be rich.

 He knows he's in no position to complain, he's been living a life of luxury since he was 15, but he knows that money isn't being distributed equitably to Army and other lower ranks of BTS. 

RM always reminds Jungkook, it's not their responsibility to share evenly with all of BTS. There would be no assets, no way to recruit more members, no comfort for everyone if they did.

 There is nothing to keep Army from climbing their way up the ranks in BTS. RM has the baseline standard of ensuring everyone's needs are met; they have a home and a job. What they chose to do with their potential after that is up to them. You get out of BTS, what you give.

 And Jungkook understands that, but he still can't shake the feeling of unease from his chest. That BTS could be using their power and influence, not to invade the markets of the upper East, but instead to make the Westside a better place. 

He knew he was stupid for having dreams of non-profits and housing reforms, but he can't keep those feelings from nagging at him from the back of his mind. 

Jungkook's rambling fell quiet, and you could see the conflict on his face. Maybe you were pushing for too much too soon. Maybe BTS expected things from Jungkook that he was ashamed of like Hoseok was ashamed. 

"I shouldn't have asked," you said, reaching for his hands. 

"No, it's okay. It's just more complicated then I realized," he explained as he watched you wipe the water from the ice pack off his arm. 

You dug through the first aid kit for some gauze and butterfly strips, "I'm sorry if it's a little tight. I'm a low on gauze, "you said as you started wrapping the bandage, taking care to make sure his hand was set in the proper position. 

The two of you fell into small talk as you started to work. 

You talked about your classes, what your favorite pastry was at Sugar Daddy. He asked you about where you were from and whether or not you missed your home.

And it was an answer you always struggled to give, because while a piece of you always yearned to be home, to talk in your native tongue, and see your family. You know you could never bring yourself to return home. Alcorn has rooted itself so firmly in you; you don't think you'll ever leave. 

You found yourself losing track of time, as you told him stories of the funny cultural differences between your home and Kros. And too soon you noticed the sun had set in your window. 

"Jungkook, you missed your class," you exclaimed as you remembered he was only at the gym for a short break. 

He flashed his bunny smile as he chuckled, "I missed both of them, but I don’t mind. But I probably should head home soon. I have a ton of homework, and you mentioned you have a test in two days." he said with a sigh. Being such a responsible adult was such a burden sometimes. 

He wanted nothing more, but to talk with you more for hours into the night and morning.

"Of course, sorry for keeping you so late, and sorry for the shitty bandage job. I really need to go get more gauze." you rambled nervously as you got up to accompany him on the three-foot walk it takes to get from the couch to your door. 

You barely had enough gauze to properly wrap around his wrist, you had to get creative and use tape and butterfly bandaids to stretch across the bits of fabric that doesn’t meet to secure it together. 

"It's fine, it's fine," he amended as he laughed nervously, "besides, I have my brace in the car," he admitted nervously—his uninjured hand traveling to rub the back of his neck.

You stared at him in fake outrage, "You had your brace this whole time? Why did you-"

"I wanted to hang out with you," he said, shyly effectively putting your overdramatic reaction to a halt as you flushed. 

"Well then ask to grab a coffee or watch a movie, don't waste my precious medical supplies." you teased as you opened the door for him. 

His eyes lit up in response as he turned back to face you. 

"So would you? Want to hang out again sometime?" he asked his doe eyes shining so bright you swear it was an ability he actively abused. 

"I'll have to check my calendar, but I think I can manage to squeeze it in, but first, we should both get through test week," you said, trying to keep a cool tone. 

Jungkook’s nose scrunched slightly as he flashed you a bunny toothed smile, and you couldn’t contain your own as he wished you a good night and heading home. 

You watch from your door as he made his way down the stairs and to his car. Jungkook turned and looked at you over his shoulder three times as he made the descent, flashing you a small smile and wave each time he did. 

Finally, he made it to his car giving one final wave before he buckles in his pulled out of sight. You moved to close the door sighing as you added Jeon Jungkook to the list of confusing emotions spiraling through your life. 

You felt a soft nudge and looked down to see Jeremy meowing at you, demanding more food as if he didn't have a full bowl next to him. 

You should be scoffing at the audacity of this cat, but instead, Jeon Jungkook has you smiling softly over the memory of how he bent down and gave the kitty some pets while still in his workout clothes from before. The juxtaposition of his tone tattooed arm petting Jeremy’s soft fur would haunt you in the back of your mind for a while. 

Jeremy meowed at you again, and you sighed, reaching for his bowl. "Get in here," you called and watched as Jeremy happily trotted into the house. 

And you smiled proudly to yourself as you watched the kitty explore his new home, sniffing at your lavender plant with piqued interest.

Fuck Hoseok's rules, You have a pet cat now. 

Next >>

[ataraxiies]

✶⋆｡˚☆ﾟ✦ ︴boyfriend material

synopsis: round one of headcanons concerning the hq boys as your boyfriend!

★˚｡ —⌇characters: kageyama tobio (181.9 cm of bf material) , sugawara koushi (174.3 cm of bf material), akaashi keiji (182.3 cm of bf material), oikawa tooru (184.3 cm of bf material), & tendou satori (187.7 cm of bf material)

★˚｡ — ⌇ genre: fluff

★˚｡ — ⌇ warnings: n/a

★˚｡ — ⌇ author’s note: i know this prolly has been done a dozen times before (i rlly hope these aren’t repetitive), but this just seemed like the proper headcanon set to start off with! so voilà: my first series of headcanons! hope you enjoy! \(*´꒳`*)/

✶▐ kageyama tobio ↝

✦ even if he’s a socially awkward boy, a bit rough around the edges, kageyama could make such a sweet boyfriend (i mean having you as his s/o makes him softer alright). he’s passionate about the things and, in this case, person, he cares about, and it shows through his actions more than his words. 

✦ now i’m not saying he’ll write you love poems & serenade you in the night or anything crazy like that . . . as i definitely headcanon him as the type to be a unintentionally mean to his s/o.

✦ but hear me out! those nicknames he calls you may be a little mean in spirit (“dummy”, “idiot”, “stupid”, etc) but the way he says it-- it’s more on the endearing side than mean-spirited. you’re his adorable dummy, okay?

✦ he’s the classic case of “if the boy is mean to you, he likes you”— basically a tsundere lol. he has probably accidentally made you cry once, but since then, it’s been his priority to never make you cry again. his apology to that: it was very sincere & short, and you could tell by the grim look on his face that he felt bad. all is forgiven-

✦ he’s very shy about physical affection especially in the early stages of your relationship; the boy just tenses up whenever you initiate a hug or even hold his hand. you’re prolly worried about how rigid he is tbh. but... not to worry! over time, he’ll ease up & melt into it. maybe even initiating it himself for once (yeah step up, kags).

✦ not gonna lie, he’s gonna be a bit clueless at times. also- insensitive, dense & just outright awkward (*cough* “the course of true love never did run smooth” *cough*) . . . but the reason for this is you’re probably his first significant other, so this whole concept of being your boyfriend is foreign to him. 

✦ he still puts up A+ effort because he really does want you to be happy. he’ll be good at remembering some of the small details (your birthday for one). besides, he’s straightforward, so if he’s unsure about what he’s supposed to do, he’ll ask.

✦ kageyama definitely is more chivalrous than he appears! if you’re shivering from the cold, he’ll gruffly inquire, “why didn’t you dress better?” ... while he takes off his jacket to cover around you gently.

✦ this just goes to show his love language is most definitely either: acts of service or quality time. later on in the relationship, as your bond deepens, his love language may change to physical touch. he’s just never been one for words, so i can’t see words of affirmation for him.

✦ he’s not sure how to handle you or comfort you if you’re sad, but he probably ends up listening quietly & giving you his full attention. you’re taken aback by his level of concentration on you.

✦ by the way— he can be brutally honest, so if he ends up telling you a compliment then you know it’s genuine.

✦ kageyama has a habit of looking... kinda surly all the time?? but that’s just his face! he’s always content hanging out with you, be it tossing a volleyball back and forth or walking around town on a date.. but truly, the boy adores volleyball dates... like if you don’t play, he’ll try to teach you even at the risk of being made fun of by his upperclassmen (looking at nishinoya and tanaka specifically...). but, if you do play, practicing together regularly is lowkey a thing between you two.

✦ unfortunately, he’s bad at texting. the world’s dryest texter... the king of one word replies: “okay”, “sure”, “no”, “yeah”... even the dreaded “k”. it’s gotten to the point when you’re surprised if he answers back with more than a single word.

✦ communication may be a bit tough at first— but as long as you guys are equally honest & open, there is no such thing as a problem you two can’t solve.

✦ one more thing: steal his sweatshirts!! he’ll be so flustered at how cute you look in his sweatshirt. the boy ofc won’t admit, but yeah you doing that makes him so soft & makes him want to hold you in his arms.

✶▐ sugawara koushi ↝

✦ this boy would make such a god-tier boyfriend— the type that even your dad would have to approve of because sugawara is that attentive & supportive.

✦ of course, he does have a mischievous side to watch out for... but honestly that makes him ten times more dateable in my book.

✦ i get the sense that he once joking called you princess.. and then it just kinda stuck?? like, he probably has a plethora of endearing nicknames for you, but his favorite is princesss. he treats you like one, too.

✦ he, for sure, does cute good morning & good night texts like: “good morning, princess! ☀️ hope you have a good day & i can’t wait to see you on our date later ” & “good night!! 😘 i wish we could spend more time together... but make sure you have 8-10 hours of sleep so you’re fully rested ! ”.

✦ he’s so loving & he really looks out for you... he’s responsible and sensible by nature. so yeah, that’s probably why your mom is looking at you with those eyes that basically say “you picked a good one”.

✦ however— as mentioned before, sugawara... isn’t as angelic as he may appear. as much as he loves doting on you, he adores playfully teasing you, too! your flustered expression just makes him feel some kinda way.

✦ he probably lovingly teased you even before becoming a couple. why? to grab your attention of course. you appreciate that he never crossed the line, and that he kept it lighthearted.

✦ his love language?? why not all? i mean, i can definitely see words of affirmation (the boy can whip up some really smooth words okay) & physical touch being his main ones. he just can’t help but say what he feels about you; it’s no surprise it’s all good things. but he also adores soft touches... like he may be a bit needy in the sense that he adores holding your hand, or softly pulling you into an embrace just to have you close to him, or giving you a soft head pat—

✦ he may come off as clingy & protective (sugamama—), but he means well! plus, he’s selfless to a fault & always puts you first. problems in your relationship may stem from the fact he neglects his own needs (which adjsdeheh so flipping bittersweet).

✦ he definitely is so touched/moved when you essentially try to pay him back. for example, something as simple as initiating a hug, or giving a meaningful gift, or just hyping him up when he’s feeling down... like JUST seeing his beaming smile is more than enough for you to fall in love with him all over again.

✦ suga doesn’t strike to me as the jealous type, but he does have natural instincts that may make him protective?? like, in his mind, he rationally knows that he’s the one for you, but at the same time, he can’t help but occassionally let others overtly know you’re taken! catch him giving you a surprise kiss when he’s listening to his instincts-

✦ on a different note, your dates with sugawara are especially cute! like, sugawara works to make things run smoothly. you probably go on all the typical dates like movie night or dinner date (he without fail offers to pay), but doing so with sugawara makes it so more fun!

✦ he treats you right: he walks you home, he listens to you with no distraction, he happily lends you his jacket/sweatshirt, and he even gives you piggback rides (even if you’re like “no, no i’m too heavy—”, he’s quick to say “nonsense! besides, i’m pretty strong you know.. i do work out, y/n)”.

✦ by the way, daichi & the whole karasuno volleyball squad totally approve of your relationship. it’s so touching how they support you and sugawara (even if it’s by whistling when he innocently pecks you on the cheek or something)-

✶▐ akaashi keiji ↝

✦ akaashi keiji . . . you mean the epitome of boyfriend material?? i’m not biased i swear.

✦ given that he’s blunt, i can imagine a decent amount of girls turning him away as a potential boyfriend. . . even if he’s such a pretty boy.

✦ but you?? the one who insisted on being with him because of his overall personality & being? not just his looks?? yeah, you better believe he does treat you right.

✦ i just have to say it: STUDY DATES.

✦ akaashi is very smart, so i feel he’d make such a good peer tutor like you don’t even know! he’ll be great at explaining certain problems in a way that even the teacher may fail at doing, and more importantly, he knows how to motivate you to study.

✦ whether you yourself are a smart bean or not, he will cunningly offer sweet rewards to get you to study & retain the needed information. he’s a little more sneaky than you give him credit for— he knows what he’s doing, playing this game.

✦ of course he just wants an excuse to hug & maybe even kiss you - but he swears that he’s doing this for your own good, which technically isn’t a lie.

✦ bokuto definitely helped orchestrate you two getting together. he’s the ultimate wingspiker as well as wingman if you know what i mean. bokuto often made plans for the three of you, and uh, coincidentally he had other things come up the day of those planned meetups (but he didn’t really fool akaashi-). even so, bokuto also somehow expedited the process of akaashi opening up to you, and you’re just... hella grateful.

✦ akaashi is quiet & reserved; it takes a decent amount of time for him to let down his walls... but it’s worth it! once he opens up to you, you find there’s more to him than meets the eye. i mean that could be said for anyone, but akaashi is more protective & sweet to his s/o than people have guessed.

✦ he’s not overly doting or affectionate, but it’s the small things he does that show you he cares. he regularly texts you to see if you’re doing okay or if you got home safe. he makes sure to hover a little closer to you in a way that’s shielding you if he senses someone eyeing you with ill intentions. he doesn’t hesitate to buy you a snack or a drink if your stomach growls (to which you may blush profusely for) or if you look particularly parched. he’s quietly attentive and only the super observant people can catch on to that fact.

✦ acts of service may just be his main love language! he’s ALWAYS looking out for you & doing things that, in retrospect, is really thoughtful & heartwarming.

✦ even his gifts reflect how much time he spends on thinking about you. for example, you’ll be like “akaashi how’d you know i wanted this?” and he’ll simply reply “i remembered seeing you eye this in that one shop we passed by, so i bought it the other day-” and you’re just like “akaashi... that was like eight months ago how did you remember—” “ . . . ”

✦ it’s not to say he’s perfect (imeanifeellikeheisbutthat’sbesidesthepoint) ! he does have moments where he just can’t help but feel a little clingy especially if it’s just the two of you?? like there are moments where he’s very vulnerable around you, and just needs you close to him. it’s moments like these where he’ll pretty much be desiring cuddles and soft kisses— he’ll die if you end up telling bokuto about this side of him though. it’s like a secret side only you get to see, alright?

✦ he gets a bit flustered with pda though... like small pecks and hugs and hand holding is all good, but full on making out is a rare occassion (perhaps when he’s feeling a bit possesive??).

✦ also- just one more thing... akaashi can have sarcastic humor, but in your relationship, you can tell when he’s being serious or if he’s simply teasing you. in fact, the two of you joke around quite a bit?? his laugh is so beautiful. which is so wholesome because that means you’re at that level where akaashi isn’t closed up!

✶▐ oikawa tooru ↝

✦ we all know oikawa got dumped by his girlfriend due to him being “obsessed with volleyball” (cue that scene where it’s nighttime ‘n he’s watching volleyball film with intense concentration)... so the fact he’s got a significant other who accepts how passionate he is about this sport makes him happy beyond words!

✦ so happy that he makes it his obligation to rub it in his teammates’ faces. it makes his teammates royally pissed off especially iwaizumi. of course when it’s on the volleyball court, he’s dialed in, but off the court, he excitedly rambles about the cute or maybe funny things you do. he just loves bragging about you.

✦ if he ever hears about you bragging about having him or hyping him up, he’ll catch all the uwus. it just makes his ego swell ngl. but if you ever hype him up in front of him?? hoo... he’ll combust; it’ll move him so much. he’ll sheepishly say “thank you” because it just caught him off guard.

✦ he pulls you in for cute selfies & pictures literally everywhere you go. it may get old, but the pictures serve as visuals for memories. plus, they always come out good because he knows how to work a camera- his go to pose is the peace sign with his boyish smile.

✦ oikawa’s social media ends up consisting of three things: volleyball, family & you... but ever since you guys started dating, you make quite a lot of appearances on his social media. as such, his teammate tease for this; “it’s basically a fan account for y/n” — kunimi probably.

✦ unfortunately, you may have to deal with some jealous people given that your boyfriend is hella popular. and it’s tiresome because where do people get off?? but, part of the reason why oikawa is so open with his romantic gestures is to show the others that you’re the only one for him. it’s not a question; he’ll choose you over a fan anyday.

✦ oikawa... can be lowkey childish, and i can imagine him being pretty touchy-feely (his love language being physical touch or words of affirmation most likely??). again he’s a bit of a show off, so pda may be a prevalent thing. he’ll probably sit close to you, and he’ll urge you to lay your head on his shoulder if you’re feeling lethargic. or he may give you a surprise kiss when he think you look cute- he can’t resist. but i can imagine him backing off if it makes you uncomfy! he does prize your comfort above his own needs!

✦ he’ll also be much like a puppy in a relationship?? he especially likes it when you initiate those cute couple things- it’s usually him taking the lead, but he’ll adore it when it’s you for a change who wants the affection- it may go two ways: a) he teases you and eventually gives you what you want or b) he just gives in because you’re too cute!

✦ oikawa is an avid texter, responding back pretty quickly (unless he’s at volleyball practice)... anyway, he doesn’t hesitate to send you funny things he found or articles that affirms something he said in turn proving him right about that or just checking in on you. he uses a decent amount of emojis, too, so it’s always amusing to see his barrage of texts. he probably saves texting “i love you” after saying it aloud rather than doing so on a screen first.

✦ why do i feel like you guys go on fun dates?? like take his interest in aliens! for one date destination, you guys probably have visited a site where aliens allegedly landed! and after, you just watch cool sci-fi movies together with plenty of snacks & blankets to cuddle up in. and perhaps on a different date, you guys go to a haunted house (catch oikawa screaming louder than you lol).

✦ he loves it when you support him at his volleyball games!! like, he’ll feel fired up to show off for you because you’re there & he wants your validation okay? (not sure if he’s the type to point to his s/o in the crowd after a good play but maybe??) he’ll also return the favor, supporting you in whatever endeavors you pursue!

✦ speaking of support... his teammates, despite teasing oikawa for being, well, oikawa, definitely support you guys! like, someone who can keep up with oikawa & his antics?? they’re impressed there’s someone like that out there.

✶▐ tendou satori ↝

✦ tendou satori as a boyfriend?? actually more boyfriend material than you’d initially think. like sure, he’ll mess with you a little to evoke cute reactions, but where it counts, he’ll treat you so well.

✦ given that tendou has been bullied & made fun of for his appearance (and name), i feel like he’d never go as far as to make you feel the way he felt when he was branded as a “monster”. he keeps his teasing pretty lighthearted, and he’d never want to seriously degrade you ever.

✦ i feel tendou does have his moments where his confidence is at an all time low. and he naturally seeks you out for reassurance & comfort because your very presence calms him and gives him a mood boost. he visibly lights up if you offer to come over to his dorm room for much needed comfort huggles. it’s times like those that he really feels lucky you’re his and he’ll make sure to return the favor tenfold!

✦ speaking of huggles, tendou’s hugs tend to be pretty tight i’d imagine. like the kind that squeezes you with all the love he wants to show you? he just loves you so much, and he feels his words won’t be enough to convey that. i think he’d love to pull you in for hugs at spontaneous times; not that you’re complaining. also- if you run your hands through his hair during hugs, it drives him crazy—

✦ he’s probably into pda — he’d gladly show you off because he truly believes he struck gold when you became his s/o!! but, he may be receptive to the offhanded comments about you deigning to date someone like tendou. at which point, if you pull him in for a kiss then & there, his spirits would be quite lifted. he doesn’t mind being caught off guard like that, and he’ll definitely try to get one more kiss-

✦ his love language is for sure physical touch! he enjoys the hugging & kissing component of dating a lot; he can’t keep his hands to himself. catch him tryna initiate tickle fights. besides, he practically lives on your physical affection, and he gets a lil’ greedy, wanting more. of course, if you’d ask him for affection, he’ll be lightning quick to give it (well maybe after teasing you for your openness, not that he truly minds it ofc)!

✦ on a totally different note! tendou does enjoy drawing out fun reactions from you. like, he’s the type of boyfriend to scare his s/o for the fun of it... for example, you’re casually waiting around for tendou, and the next thing you know he totally shocked you with his tight hug from behind. it’s sweet & you weren’t expecting it but man that scared you when you didn’t realize who it was at first!! you probably become more alert of your surroundings due to this. of course, he apologized for scaring you, but couldn’t help his chuckle.

✦ he definitely texts you about the randomest things... like, you’re always kept on your toes because you just don’t know what to expect from him when he’s texting?? like, one day, he’ll text you a really cute good morning and the next day, he sends a random meme without any context. by the way, there’s no pattern- you start to think he just texts you randomly because he’s curious on how’d you react.

✦ for some reason i headcanon that he likes to say “i love you” in a sing-songy voice (and ofc he means it), but when he’s in a serious mood, he’ll just come out & say it without any sing-song cadence. it just hits different i’d say because his serious expression matches what he’s trying to convey.

✦ oh for dates?? you guys could literally go anywhere, and it would be so much fun! like— amusement parks are a go... aquariums... hikes... petting zoos... internet cafes... you name it! you two can find fun in any sort of date because you both knows it’s always the companion that matters more than the actual activity. tendou definitely holds your hand a lot on a date— squeezing gently now & again because he doesn’t really want to let go (tendou your protective side is showing skdueus).

✦ tendou’s teammates actually like you a lot by the way... you make tendou really happy (which is something semi noticed right away). at first, they were a little surprised someone would genuinely date him, but given your wholesome interactions with him, they give you two thumbs up— even if they’re slightly envious tendou’s got a girl.

[hanniiesuckle17]

Guns and Blankets

A/n: not requested but I have been doing too many Stray Kids posts lately holy crap this got long. yes it is heavily inspired by BBC sherlock

ASKS AND REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Member: Jung Hoseok ft. BTS

WARNINGS: Mild violence, swearing, partial smut?, smoking (don't do it kids), alcohol

Summary: Y/n L/n is the world's closest thing to Sherlock Holmes. Her intellect was unparalleled by anyone, but her snide and sarcastic remarks and attitude kept her from joining the force. However, Chief of Police Kim Namjoon can't help but enlist the services of the consulting detective. To the outside, Y/n may seem cold, calculating, and emotionless, but her partner ( Dr.Jung Hoseok) sees a different side of her.

Genre: nonidol!au, detective!au, police!au, sherlockholmes!au, mystery, comedy, angst

I paced the floor of my dark apartment, mind running. "Is your goal to create a dent, because you are doing mighty good work." I scoffed at my partner who sat in the armchair reading the paper.

"I'm waiting. I thought domestic people like you understood that concept." The young man with dark hair chuckled as he watched me burn a hole through my wood floor. My head shot towards the window at the sound of a car pulling up. "Finally, Kim shows up with something to do!"

"A nice murder. That always cheers you up, love."

I could hear the grin in Hoseok's words. "Oh shut up! You love it as much as I do, Mr. Military Doctor." I couldn't kept the smile from breaking onto my face no matter how hard I tried. "Y/n!" The familiar voice of Chief Inspector Kim Namjoon came up the stairs to my apartment.

"What is it this time, Kim?" He stopped in the doorway, out of breath. "Body? Kidnapping? Attempted political assassination? All very fun." He shook his head and started to pull his phone out of his pocket. "No. This was sent to me twenty minutes ago." He showed me a picture of a shabby empty room, but something was ominous and familiar about it.

"I know this room. Where do I know this room." Hoseok came behind me to look over my shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by my cellphone ringing on the table.

Handing Hoseok the phone I went to pick up mine. "Y/n L/n speaking." There was silence on the other end. The two men spoke in hushed tones conversing about the photo. "Hello?" The line was live and my ears picked up the slightest sound of breathing on the other side. "You're wasting my very valuable time by-"

"Y/n."

"Yes, Hoseok. What is it?"

"The room. Isn't it the apartment downstairs?"

Hanging up the phone I looked again at the photo. Without a word, I took off down the stairs yelling for out landlady, Mrs. Yang. Grabbing the keys from her painted nails I rushed to the door and opened it, Kim and Hoseok hot on my heels. I froze when my eyes landed on the center of the room.

"What? What is it?" A pair of women's trainers lay side by side in the exact center of the room. Dusty light came through the old windows illuminating the area.

"Well that's not creepy."

The second I took a step forward my phone rang once again, breaking the heavy silence. Gingerly, I pulled out the device and put it on speaker. "Hello." I said quietly still examining the shoes from afar.

Heavy,shaky breathing filled the room before a women's voice spoke. "H-hello...s-se-sexy..." In my peripherals I saw Hoseok move to my right near the wall.

"Who is this-"

"I....s-sent you a...li-little p-puzzle.....Just to say...h-hi."

"Whose talking? Why are you crying?"

Kim's eyes moved between me and the shoes. My mind was reeling with the new information being shown to me.

"I'm n-not crying...I'm t-typing...and this stupid...b-bitch is reading my w-words."

My feet moved forward towards the shoes to examine them. "Careful!" Kim said. "This sounds like a power play. The guy could be a bomber."

Handing Hoseok the phone I crouched lightly on the floor, putting the pieces together.

"14...hours to solve m-my puzzle,...Y/n.....or I will b-be ve-very naughty."

More crying could be heard on the line. I turned to my right to see Hoseok with his eyes closed and head against the wall, a strained expression on his face.

"Time starts now..."

The line went dead and silence filled the room. Hoseok opened his eyes only to flinch as I lifted the shoes from the floor. "I know these shoes...."

"You have the department's full support. Anything you need."

"Oh, Yoongi will be happy about that."

Hoseok chuckled and slipped my phone in my pocket as I turned to him.

"Come on, Hoseok. I'm sure Tae is at the lab. We've got a puzzle to solve."

"I'm sure Taehyung will be very happy to see you." Every inch of Hoseok's voice was dripping with jealousy. Something I rather enjoyed hearing.

Five hours had passed as I studied the shoes. Taehyung was more than happy to let us use the morgue's lab once again. Hoseok idly chatted with me as I worked, something I had grown accustomed to but did not so much to say enjoy. The short silence was broken once again by my cell.

"Pass me my phone?" My eyes never left the microscope as I spoke to him.

"Where is it?"

"Pocket."

With a sigh, Hoseok got up and reach into my back pocket.

"Careful there, Hobi." A smirk played on my lips as I turned to him behind me. That small knowing smile creeped onto his face. He knew something the rest of the world didn't. I had quite the soft spot for him. In more ways than one.

As he opened my phone I turned to the computer screen to analyze the new results. "Text from your brother."

"Delete it. It's not important."

"He seems to think so. Something about national security codes."

"Codes are already out of the country by now. Nothing I can do about it. Besides he pretty much is the South Korean government he can fix it like a big boy. All by himself."

Hoseok tossed my phone beside me on the table and walked back to his seat on my right.

"Besides....someone else is being way more fun."

The computer finished just as the door opened to reveal Taehyung with starry eyes aimed towards me. "Any luck?" "Yes, finally." A warm body followed behind him shortly after.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Hyun- Hi! Oh my God! No come in."

The woman came over slowly to stand next to Tae, but I paid her no mind, continuing with my work.

"Hyunah, this Y/n L/n. And her.....Juny Hoseok." My partner politely shook hands with her but I could feel her stare on my back, though I ignored it.

"Hi...So....you're Y/n L/n. Taehyung has told me all about you." Her voice had a sultry tone to it.

"Yes, dear Tae has a tendency to do that."

"Are you working on one of your cases? I'm such a fan." She moved near Hoseok to try and peek at the screen. "Hyunah works in IT upstairs. That's how we met. Office romance!" My eyes scanned her over picking up every detail about her.

"Gay."

"Sorry what?" Tae said shocked.

"Nothing sorry. Hey."

Cast a nod towards her, she smiled and dropped a metal pan that rest on the edge of the table.

"Oh sorry! Oh my god!" She bent down to pick it up revealing the bright red skivy up her skirt, causing Hoseok to look away.

"I should be going." She placed the pan back on the table and bade a quick farewell to Tae with a kiss on the cheek before exiting.

"Gay? We're together."

"And domestic life must suit you Taehyung. You've put on three pounds."

"It's not three! Maybe two and a half!"

"Three."

"She's not gay! She's n- Y/n why do you have to spoil-"

"With that hair color?"

Hoseok scoffed beside me. "What because she died her hair orange. I've died my hair before." "No, love you've bleached your hair. There's a difference."

"She isn't gay."

"You failed to notice those tired clubbers eyes, the quite prominent pride themed tattoo on inside of her forearm, and obviously the short nails. Most women don't really like that you know feeling."

"Short nails?"

"Also the extremely suggestive fact that she slipped me her number before leaving."

Pulling the sticky note from under the pan Hyunah knocked over I handed it to Taehyung before looking back at the microscope.

"Call me xoxo. She quite straight to the point. I'd say you'd better break it off now and save yourself the pain, Tae."

With a glare mixed with hurt Taehyung simply turned and left the room. "Charming. Well done, Y/n."

"Oh please. You are you jealous a girl has put more moves on me than you have."

Getting out of his chair Hoseok came to tower over me. "You know that's not my problem but yours." It was true. I liked fucking with him, but I was afraid to let my heart have precedence over my head.

Two and a half days later and two puzzles had been solved within the time limit. Now I was just waiting for something to happen. I sighed as I flexed my arm. Promising Hobi I'd quit smoking was maybe the hardest things I'd encountered.

"I've brought take out and vodka-what are you doing!?"

"Nicotine patch."

"Three of them?"

"It's a three patch problem."

He sighed and opened the bottle pouring himself a glass before downing all of it. "Why isn't he doing anything?" Hoseok collapsed onto my couch, his arm spread over the back behind my head and his other hand pulling my legs into his lap so we could both fit on the small couch.

"I don't know. I'm happy not to think about anything for a while."

"What's it like living in your head? It must be awfully boring."

"Not really, I have you to keep me on my toes."

See most people would recognize the consequences of hard liquor and sexual tension, but I honestly didn't care. So when the sky grew dark all other senses are heightened. Sound. Taste. Touch.

That seemed to be the favorite of the night touch. His hands felt secure on my body as the moved across it like paint on a canvas. My lips couldn't help but find pieces of raw skin waiting to be marked as Hoseok lay on top of me. The smell of smoke and alcohol filled the bedroom, leaving my mind a blur.

The feeling of Hoseok filled my entire body and was better than any alcohol or drug I had ever taken. I felt a lack of control and I loved it. Hoseok thrust into me at a deep and steady pace and his lips moved down to my chest and attaching themselves to my breast. My fingers pulled at his dark locks eliciting a deep melodical groan from Hoseok that fueled my need even more.

A heavy pounding on my door awakened me from a heavy sleep. Light was just beginning to break outside my window. Hoseok lay under me with an arm wrapped tightly around my stomach. Hoseok still stayed fast asleep so quietly I got out of bed and slipped on a pair of sweats and put my black bra back on. The pounding continued.

"ALRIGHT! I'M COMING!" I screamed before running to open the door. Opening the door I found Kim And Min Yoongi standing in the hall. "Yoongi."

"Y/n."

"Yoongi face the other way. You're putting me off."

"Nice sex hair."

"At least I can get off with fucking and not having to be an ignorant asswipe."

"Yoongi shut up. Y/n let us inside." I opened the door further and motioned for the two men to enter, but not without flipping off the idiot.

"Another one?" Kim nodded before responding. "Down by the docks. We got a call this morning. You have 12 hours. Sounded like an older woman this time. Aparently she's blind." I smiled, excited by the new development in our little game.

"Hobi, nice of you to join us. Sorry I left you darling." I turned hearing footsteps coming from the bedroom. Hoseok stood with messy hair in only a pair of sweats he kept at my place. "You're fine." He said with a small but sad smile.

Yoongi scoffed before turning to me, taking in both of our states. "I didn't realize a psychopath like you could have a soft spot for your little doctor."

"I'm not a psychopath, Yoongi. I'm a high-functioning sociopath, do your fucking research."

"Ladies, stop fighting. We've got a murder to solve."

After changing Hoseok and I followed the two officers in a taxi to the docks. A slight mist rained down on us as we arrived at the destination. Police tape bordered the area and several officers milled about a car parked near some shipping crates.

As we got closer, I could see blood dripping out of the driver's side door. My eyes searched the car over. "Car was hired yesterday by a Jeon Minhyuk. Looks like about a pint of blood." Kim said, crouching next to the open car.

"Not about. Exactly. Most likely planted here on purpose. Our victim-"

"Jeon Minhyuk."

"Yeah, whatever. Long story short. Abduction not murder."

My eyes caught the sight of a middle aged woman crying next to some officers. "Who's that?" Yoongi nodded towards her. "Jeon's wife. Got here just before you did."

I nodded and stuffed my hands in my pockets as I turned to Hoseok. "Let's go talk to her, darling."

I took a breath of cold air before approaching the crying woman. "Mrs.Jeon?" She turned and frowned at our presence. "Yes, look I've already spoken with the police-" "Yes, ma'am. We aren't police." Hoseok interrupted politely.

"Y/n L/n." I reached out to shake her hand with a broken look.

"A very good friend of your husband's. We-uh... we grew up together."Tears started to fall from my cheeks as I 'recalled' the memory.

"I'm sorry? Who are you?" She said shaking her head.

"This is my husband, Hoseok." He politely shook her hand while casting me a side glance.

"I-don't think he ever mentioned you."

"No-no. He must've- I just can't believe it. I was just with him the other day. Same old Minhyuk not a care in the world."

Her face changed dramatically. "I'm sorry, but my husband has been depressed for months. Who are you?"

"Strange that he hired a car?" I said looking back the car and wiping away some of the tears. "Why would he do that? But suspicious isn't it?"

"No it isn't! He forgot to renew the tax on the car that's all."

"Ah. That was Minhyuk. That was Minhyuk all over. Forgetting everything."

"No it wasn't!"

"Wasn't it? Interesting."

My face turned straight and I turned back to the car walking away. "Do you enjoy lying to people?" Hoseok asked with a smile. "People don't like to tell you things, but they love to contradict you." I couldn't help but smile at Hobi's laugh. "Did you notice?" I asked.

"What?"

"I referred to her husband in the past tense and she joined in. Bit premature. We've only found the car. She's in on it."

My eyes drifted to a sticker on the bumper. Janus Cars. "Hobi." Pointing to the sticker he crouched to inspect it. "Janus? The only Janus I know is the top headed Egyptian god."

"Well let's go see."

Five hours were down as we entered the office of Kim Hyojong, owner of Janus cars. "Yeah rented the car out to him yesterday." The man said as he scratched his arm. "Mazda Rx8 I believe. Wouldn't mind one myself." He smirked as he pulled up the sleeves of his shirt revealing an expensive watch.

"Is that one?" I pointed to a random picture on the wall as I walked around. When he turned I quickly inspected the back of his neck before turning around. "Uh... that's a jag. Not a car girl I see."

"Surely you can afford one, a Mazda I mean." Hoseok said, pulling the attention off of me for a moment as I inspected the man for a few more minutes.

"Have you got any change for the cigarette machine? I'm practically gasping." Hoseok shot me a glare as I held out a ten and watched as the man pulled out his wallet.

"No, sorry."

After thanking him the two of us walked out side by side. "If absolutely need to....here. I've got change."

"Don't need it, darling. Nicotine patches, remember?" I said pulling up my sleeve to reveal another two added on my arm. "Too expensive to smoke nowadays anyhow."

"So what was that all about?" He said pulling down my sleeve quickly. "Needed to see inside his wallet. Did you see? All foreign bills." My growing speech was interrupted by my phone ringing.

"Y/n L/n."

"The clue is in the name. Janus Cars."

An older female voice came through the phone. The blind lady. Yes almost forgot. Bomb and everything.

"Why are you giving me a hint?"

"Why does anyone do anything......I like to watch....you...dance...."

The line went dead. Hoseok looked to me with brows raised. "Phone Kim. Tell him to bring the car to the garage."

Eight hours in and I was sure. Kim and Hoseok stood with me in front of the car, waiting for my explanation.

"The blood was their first mistake. Exactly a pint. But it is definitely Jeon Minhyuk's, though frozen. There are traces. I had Tae run some tests. I think Minhyuk gave a pint of his blood a while ago and that it was Janus Car's spread on the seat."

"Janus Cars?"

"Yes, the clue is in the name."

"That God with two faces?" Namjoon asked.

"Exactly. Janus Cars offers a less than legal service to help you disappear from certain problems whatever they may be."

"So where is Jeon?" Kim questioned again.

"Brazil." I said closing the car door.

"What?"

"Kim Hyojong had a 20000 Brazilian peso note in his wallet as well as some change, the dick. Which means he had been abroad recently. When I asked him about the cars he turned and I saw an obvious tan line on his neck. Somewhere hot, but not for pleasure. No one wears a shirt on the fucking beach. Next his arm-"

"His arm?"

"Do stop interrupting. It's quite annoying and we have a bomb to stop. Yes his arm. He was scratching it and It was bleeding. Most likely because he had a booster jab. The therefore out Jeon Minhyuk is somewhere lying in a cabana in Brazil thanks to Janus Cars."

I pulled out my phone and posted the answer on my website like I had the past two times. "Y/n how long have you known?" "It was very simple. I knew the bomber had given us twelve hours so I finished this and was able to complete other things."

"Other things! That woman has been sitting there with a bomb strapped to her chest." Immediately my phone rang.

"Hello."

"Help me...." the woman cried out softly.

"Tell us where you are. Address."

"They were....so-....They're voice was-"

"No! Don't tell me anything about them!"

"They sounded...so soft-"

The sound of an explosion could be heard right before the line went dead. "Hello!" My shaking hand dropped the phone. I stood frozen in place. Hoseok took my face in his hands. "Y/n? Y/n, love? Look at me. What happened?" The words were stuck in my throat.

"It's-.....it's not fair. I answered! She started to describe him and she- Oh my god!" My fingers pulled at the roots of my hair and anxiety and panic started to kick in.

"Namjoon, there was an explosion go get a squad. I'll take care of her." Hoseok pried my hands away from my face where my nails where scratching at my hair and skin in panic.

"Y/n....I'm right here it's okay. Fuck!" My vision spun and it felt like nails were driving into my skull. Clutching my head I collapsed on the parking garage floor. "I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! TAKE IT AWAY! TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed and pushed Hoseok's hands away as he tried to rip off all five of the nicotine patches, which certainly weren't helping the situation.

"I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! THERE IS TOO MUCH UP HERE! There's no room for me." I clutched my head even tighter as tears spilled onto my cheeks. Hoseok tried to pull me towards him in Hope's of calming me down.

"I don't want this gift! I don't want it! There is no more room for me! It's too much stuff in my head! Hoseok, please make it go away!" I pounded on his chest and cried like a baby as he pulled me into his lap on the ground.

"I don't want to be smart anymore.......It's too much......I can't be responsible for all of this!"

The last thing I remember was passing out in Hoseok's arms.

I woke up again to darkness. Sitting up, my coat was hanging on the door and I had been put in a tshirt that wasn't mine. The clock on my beside table read two a.m. Hoseok lay next to me, sleeping soundly. I sighed and pulled open the drawer searching for a pack of cigarettes. After finding a singular one I walked to the door and pulled a flash drive out of my coat pocket.

Lighting the cigarette I walked into the living room and to my laptop. Quickly I posted something on my website and got dressed. As I walked towards the front door, my eyes got sight of the bedroom. Hoseok shifted in his sleep a little bit.

With a sigh I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a note.

1067 Hangguk Ave.

Trust me.

Taping it on the door, I closed it and grabbed a taxi to take me downtown.

I entered the large ornate library in silence. My footsteps were the only sound that echoed throughout the three store building. Hundreds of book shelves lined the area, the only light was from the bright moon as it shone through the huge glass window in the back.

"I've brought you a little getting to know you present." I said my voice echoing off the rounded roof as I held up the flash drive.

"This is what it has all been for right? All your little puzzles. Making me dance....Just for this."

The sound of a door opening made me turn around. It took all of my power not to let the look of terror show on my face. A figure walked towards me through the dark. A figure I knew. My half brother.

"Seokjin?"

He wore a black winter trench coat and a straight expression. "Evening."

"This is a twist, isn't it Y/n? Bet you didn't see this coming." My hand lowered to my side as I tried to regain my composure.

"What...would you like me....to make him say.... next?"

Seokjin opened his coat to reveal several bombs strapped to his chest over his normal suit. A little red dot was also now trained on his chest. Frantically I searched for the shooter in the balconies.

"Humpty Dumpty....sat on a wall.....Humpty Dumpty.....had a......great...fall-"

"ENOUGH!" I screamed.

"He is one of the only....people you care about....isn't that right.......Y/n."

"Stop it."

"I can stop his heart.....if you like...."

Seokjin's face fell and he gulped at his own words. It was true. Seokjin had always looked out for me, even though I was a huge smartass. He never complained once about his ten year old sister being in junior year with him.

"Who are you?" Another door opened behind me and the sound of heels clicked across the floor.

"Gave you my number. Thought you might call."

Shadows drifted across her face as she came to stand in the moonlight. A playful smirk was drawn on her painted lips.

"Is that .45 Dan Wesson Specialist in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Her voice was smooth like honey and dripped with confidence. “Both.” Keeping my face straight I pulled the gun out from my jacket. “Kim HyunA......Hi.” The woman stepped further into the light, revealing the rest of her sculpted face.

“Hyunah? Hyunah from the morgue? Huh. Did I really make such a fleeting impression on you? But then I suppose that was the point of the whole thing.” She stepped closer. Something about the way she spoke sent shivers down my spine. My grip on the gun grew tighter. My eyes flickered to my brother to see the red dot still there.

“Oh don’t be silly, love. Someone else is holding to gun. Don’t really like to get my hands dirty.” She circled to stand behind my brother, and evil smile on her lips. “All those puzzles; did you like them?” The look on her face told she wasn’t looking for an answer she was just toying with me.

“I’ve given you a glimpse, Y/n. Just the tiniest glimpse of what I have got going on in this big bad world. No one ever gets to me.” Her stare never left me as she whispered in Jin’s ear, chuckling as he shuddered.

“I did.” My fingers cocked the gun and kept it aimed towards her. She coolly moved to the right of my brother and towards me.

“You’ve come the closest. Now you’re in my way.”

“Aww thanks.”

“Didn’t mean it as a compliment, love.”

“Yes you did.”

“Yeah, okay I did.” 

Her words left a playful ring in the air and often went up in tone giving me chills. There was a fire beneath her eyes. Something dangerous. Something deadly. “But, the flirting is over, Y/n. Mommy has had enough now!” Her painted nails played with my brothers jacket. The most subtle sign of dominance. She was in control of everything.

“I’ve cut loose all those people. All those problems-”

“People have died.”

“That’s what people DO!”

Her voice echoed off the cavernous walls making me realize how alone we truly were. A moment of eerie silence followed causing me to reach into my pocket pulling out a simple black flash drive. My brother visibly gulped when he saw them. “Y/n you wouldn’t. Those codes are top secret.” 

“This is what you want yes?” She smirked and came over, plucking the drive from my hands. “Oooo. Missile codes.” She eyes the small object in her hands before meeting my gaze again.

“I could’ve got them anywhere.” With that she dropped the drive on the floor and crushed it with her heel. “Y/n, I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yet but I could blow up NATO in alphabetical order if I wanted to at any second.”

She pulled a gun from under her blazer. “So take this as a friendly warning. Back off.” She brought up the weapon and clearly aimed it at me. “What if I was to shoot you now?” She gave a sing song laugh that rang throughout the room. “Well then you would be able to cherish the look of surprise on my face. Because, if you did, Y/n, I would truly be surprised. But, you wouldn’t be able to cherish it for long.” She loaded and cocked her own gun as well. 

“As you might have figured out, I can’t very much leave you here after I leave, so......” With a shrug she pointed the gun back at me, a smirk on her face.

“Ciao, Y/n L/n-”

The sound of a gunshot sounded and I closed my eyes for the briefest moment and I felt blood splatter across my cheek. Opening my eyes, I saw HyunA lying on the ground. Dead. Turning around I saw a small hole in the window where the bullet must have come through. My eyes then looked towards the building across the street. 

“Y/n?” My brother called out.

Rushing to him I hastily threw the coat as far away from us as possible. The both of us looked up at the sound of sirens and red and blue flashing lights coming from the front. Within seconds five policemen burst through the door and took us outside to waiting ambulances.

My feet dangled off the back of an ambulance as I sat there trying to get the EMT to take the stupid orange blanket off of me. Chief Kim interrupted the scene.

"Why do I need this blanket? They keep putting this blanket on me."

"It's for shock."

"I'm not in shock. Nothing is shocking about a man getting shot." He scoffed and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"No sign of the shooter." Kim shook his head and looked to the building across the street. "Cleared off before we got here. We've got nothing to go on."

A single disapproving look from me shut him up. "I wouldn't say that." He nodded for me to continue with a smile. "The bullet the just dug from the bookcase is a handgun. A kill shot over that distance with that type of weapon is a crack shot we're looking for. Not just a marksman; a fighter. Hands wouldn't have shaken which means they're acclimatized to violence. They didn't fire until I was in immediate danger, so one would infer they have great moral principle."

My eyes wandered as I spoke, trying to recall every detail I could gather about the shooting.

"You are most likely look for a male with a history of military service, nerves of steel, who-......." My eyes landed on Hoseok who was standing by one of the police cars simply watching all that was going around him and my words sort of trailed off. He turned and smiled innocently at me, shaking me from my trance. "Actually you know what. Ignore me."

"Sorry?"

"Ignore everything I just said. It's uh-it's just the uh-shock talking. Yeah sure."

"Where are you going? I've still got questions!"

"Oh what now! I'm in shock! Look I've got a blanket and everything!"

Kim called out to me as I walked away towards Hoseok who smiled as I came closer. "What's with the blanket?" "It's for shock. Please take the fucking thing away from me." He laughed as I shoved it into his arms. We walked side by side to the nearest main street to catch a taxi.

"Nice shot by the way."

"Yes, must have been."

"You would know."

He looked at his feet, a smile creeping onto his cheeks. "Thank you, Hoseok." My hand reached over for his and quickly latched onto his fingers. "You were very dumb to leave alone."

"Yes, but I knew you'd follow me."

"How on earth did you deduce that?"

"You love me."

He smiled down at me, the tips of his ears turning pink. "A very good deduction." His hand came up to my cheek and stroked the skin their lovingly. "I'm impatient kiss me already." He laughed and lent down to place a kiss on my lips.

Masterlist

[itsakpopalypse]

Lost In a Dream

moodboard made by @memoiresofaneternaldreamer (thank you again for inspiring this fic with this beautiful moodboard and collabing with me, you're the ABSOLUTE best!!!)  Original post is here please go give love also!!

Cold sweat mats your hair to the back of your neck and around your hairline. Your breath comes heavy and hot, barely flowing out between quivering lips. 

 Kihyun.

His fingers so gentle, so soft, lips pulled back over pointed teeth gleaming in low light, flickering fire in the corner- playing orange and yellow on his skin. The air is full of him. The world is glitter and holographic rainbows and silken sheets and desire. It’s unheard of, the spark within you, far from mundane and far too perfect to explain.

You’re rolling at his gentle direction, granting him the entirety of your bared soul and silky skin from your shoulders to the widening of  your hips. His hands follow a path made for them, slowly trailing across  your burning body. “Petal, the sun will rise soon. The fog will wipe this from your mind.” His voice is resigned but sure. You know he’s right and the panic builds in your chest at the reality.  Flowers and moss surround the bed, the smell in the air is so fresh, it always is like this near him. Alive. Clean. Meaningful. The air nearly sparkles when he speaks. 

“Don’t leave me.” You whisper into the pillow, lips touching feather soft against the nape of your neck have you reeling, his fingers loop into your hair to pull it away, granting him further access to the expanse of skin beneath. His breath is warm and damp, you can feel the desperation in his touch. 

“You have me.”  He replies. True to his kind, you will  get no solid answer. “You have me and I have you. What is a little distance when your heart beats between my ribs?” 

You roll over, pulling him to hover above you so you can see the sincerity  you know is there. 

“I want you whole. Real. Not pieces stuck in my imagination. "

"I am real. This is real.  The only thing you are imagining is that-" his finger points to the door which is opening, streaks of morning light cutting through the darkness. "That is a distraction. " 

You can feel tears teasing your lashes. "I don't  want to. I don't  want to." 

You are a petulant child and you fight  the slow  slip into reality, you grasp the fullness of his cheeks,thumbs  brushing under his eyes.  

His eyes are warm and his smile is gentle,  and he holds your soul inside his as he murmurs soft promises and bids you farewell. "You must wake. But you're still mine. "

The soft rumble of his voice pulls you away. The edges of heaven slip  out of your grasp and the real world crashes down like cold water. Reality is hateful and dull, leaving you weighed down and burdened. Your skin itches with memory. You cannot see a face, you cannot  recall the substance of the dream  but you're on fire with longing. Someone is missing you as you miss them. Someone is out there. A sweetpea sits beside your bed,one that was not there when you fell asleep. Delicate, pleasure, bliss, departure after having a good time. 

It never made sense, but you had been receiving flowers with similar messages for as long as you could remember.

Soulmates weren't  anything new, but most people remembered the face from their dreams. All you remember  is fog and velvet kisses. Promises and a whisper.   It's not fair, honestly.  It's unheard of. Everyone sees their soulmate and when they meet them, it clicks. You're scared to tell anyone  you can't  see their face when you wake, so when asked you avoid it or act as though you're too shy.  The flowers also, were inexplicable. 

There's services to contact to look based on description  but you don't have one to give.  So you deflect and hope when you see them you'll just know.  

You begin getting yourself ready for work, knowing another boring day awaits, and wish you could return to the world that lives in your mind.  

------

“Y/N! There’s a customer downstairs, can you check in please?” Your boss calls from the hallway, poking his head in to catch your attention. You look up from the plants your misting gently. 

“Got it Sebastion.” You reply with a smile, setting down the spray bottle. “I’ll be right back.” You whisper to the plants, fingers gently tracing the edge of a leaf as you leave your favorite part of the job for a few minutes.

“Hello, welcome to Dream Blossoms, can I help you make a selection?” You ask as you approach the customer. He turns, and your momentarily struck. He has light pink hair, shaggy around his eyes which are warm and smiling. The corner of his lips tick up in greeting, and some warm tingle runs down your spine. You can’t explain it. It’s not the bolt of lightening you have heard is from soulmates, but the tingle is far too strong to go unnoticed. 

When he speaks, his voice is quiet but firm and it draws you nearer, your feet following a path you don’t yet know yourself. 

“Hello. I do think I could use your help.”  The base of your neck feels hot, like someone is breathing on it. It isn’t unpleasant, as it would normally be, instead it’s welcoming. 

 “I am looking for a flower that expresses sorrow. Maybe one for longing… “ He pauses pursing his lips thoughtfully in a way that is far too attractive and makes the apples of your cheeks color. “Something about incandescent happiness.”  His hands are in his pockets, but when he turns his body toward you, the draw pulls harder. 

“I can throw something together, is it, for a lover?”  You pass by him, and notice vaguely that the air near him smells less like a person and more like freshness. Clean and lively, and so so inviting. 

“It’s. For someone who is very special. They’ll understand it all together. Perhaps you can incorporate forget-me-nots?” His eyes wrinkle when he smiles, and for a moment, the very edges of his teeth seem sharper than they should, and his eyes, did they change color? 

The dreams must be getting to you, in your lack of sleep you are imagining insanity.

You eye him for a moment, desperate for a read on him. Deciding the bouquet is likely for his soulmate, you continue in your job, pushing the strange longing away.  “Okay, give me  a moment I think I can convey a feeling for you.” you incline your head to the chair in the corner flanked by orchids. “Have a seat please.”

You’d need white tulips, lily of the valley, blue bells,  cutting and arranging various flowers to fit his description. Something appeared off. Unbalanced, without a thought, you grab some white sweet pea and add it into the bouquet, pulling the entire message together .

Upon returning a short while later, you gesture to the man. “Here, I think this should be right.”

He hurries to your side, something sparkling in his eyes as he looks over your work. He looks more excited than you’d expect, his skin brushing against yours a few seconds longer than you would expect. It feels natural and you want to sigh when he pulls his hand back and clears his throat. “It’s lovely. Can you.. Tell me why you chose what you did?” 

“Of course. White tulips are best for a sincere apology, lilly of the valley indicating the return of happiness, and the blue bells for devotion, and you asked for the forget-me-nots so I assume you know they have several meanings. It’s sort of what inspired the others I picked. “

“Remembrance, connection even over time and distance, loyalty… Yes.” He nods, there's something sly in his smile, but you continue. 

“Yes.”

“And the sweet pea?” He steps a little closer, “ Why that?” He seems nearly out of breath when he asks, leaning close to you, invading the bubble you kept to yourself. You shouldn't  be okay with it, but you allow it, unable to bare backing away from the warmth that radiates from his being. He feels like life and happiness  and it sends a rush down your limbs that you can’t describe, and he hasn’t even touched you.

“It was more of a haunch. You’re apologizing but trying to show your affection. It didn’t seem like it was something too heinous, more like you had been lost to them but are coming back. Did I assume too much?”

His smile widens, his eyes wrinkling and cheeks nearly covering his eyes. Oh. It’s a beautiful sight, and one that doesn’t belong to you, you remind yourself. 

“It’s better than I could have hoped.” He replies and after paying, gives you a final smile and wave on his way out. 

You wish you understood the way your heart followed him through the doors. It was silly, and wrong. You shook off the feeling and got back to tending the flowers. Your dreams must be altering your expectations.

---

“You nearly had me.” He whispers into your neck, trailing gentle kisses across your collarbone. “This will all be better soon, I promise.“

You heave a sigh into his hair. Casting your gaze to the bouquet on the silver side table, engraved and ornate. Fireflies dance in the air around you and the skylight lets in the moonlight. You don’t know where he has taken you but you know you trust him with your everything.

“Why must we go so slow. If you found me, isn't that all there is?”

The tinkle of his laughter fills your ears, a  sound you will never get tired of. “Not so simple, Petal. You are a woman of much distrust. I have to snatch you up the way my kind always must, if I’m to have you.” His nose scrunches as he meets your eyes with another light giggle. 

"Remind me why you won't  just tell me? After all this time and you've finally  found 'day' me, but you won't just tell me who you are to me?"  

 You know you're pouting but it doesn't  feel fair. You're getting to an age where people are going to wonder if you're undeclared… if your someone is already  gone somehow. A cruel twist of fate before you'd even met. 

You don't  remember those things, of course, only the concepts around them, since your days slip from your mind at night the same way your nights slip your mind during the day.  It's unfair,  but loving Kihyun is worth it, will always be worth it.

"I'm sure you'd respond  wonderfully to 'Hello, I'm Kihyun. I'm  a fae living in the  woods past a ‘glamour and I help bring the flowers.  Oh, also I'm the man of your dreams.’" He poked your cheek gently with a laugh. "Oh! Literally. "

You scrunch up your nose in distaste but can't help the small huff of laughter. "Okay. Fine. If I heard that line I would likely never speak to you again. Cheesy." 

"You love the way I am. You have to. That’s what soulmates mean.”

You shudder as the room begins to fade, and fear clouds your eyes-you reach for him. “Not again. I’m not ready to forget you.”  

He gives you the same saddened, resigned face as every night. “You must wake. But you're still mine." His fingers begin to lose warmth against your cheeks as everything blurs.  “You’ll be with me again soon. When this is over there will be no end to us.”

The streaks of light cloud your vision and you rub your eyes. The smell of fresh flowers sours. 

You wake, and all is gone. 

----

“I never thought I’d see you sneaking around. Aren’t you supposed to be the good son?” 

Kihyun turned to meet his brother’s eyes, unsurprised he had been followed by the light footed prince. He wore a teasing smile and his dark prowling outfit, no doubt on his way into a colony somewhere to experience the nightlife without the guards. Byeongkwan was a bit more… Outgoing, than himself. 

Kihyun preferred to follow the rules, but the current situation was getting desperate. He was tired of the empty ache in his stomach when you weren’t there. He was tired of waiting for you to figure out something that was a bit too mystical for the human mind, and he was a bit too excited to hold you in the day time. It wouldn’t kill him to bend the rules a bit, just this once. After all, he was going to visit an artifact maker, not overthrow the Sirens.

“Yes well. Priorities.” He replied finally, watching his younger sibling’s smirk grow as he stepped into Kihyun’s space. Byeongkwan’s eyes sparkled and he genuinely looked full of glee at the discomfort Kihyun felt about disobeying. It wasn’t like he couldn’t do what he wanted… he was next in line for the throne… but there was a way things were done, to keep the glamour safe, and he wasn’t used to messing with the tried and true methods. 

“Priorities,” Byeongkwan replied, stepping back with mischief in his eyes still, hand raising to show the dangling chain he had unsurprisingly picked off of Kihyun. 

Always did have incredibly quick hands, that one. 

“So it’s related to your lady, then isn’t it. Y/N.” He sat in the windowsill, holding the necklace up for inspection. The royal jewel pendant on the end glittered with a rainbow prism when the light filtered through it, something akin to moonstone but with more magick, more fire. 

He squinted at his brother and held his hand out to receive the necklace. “Yes yes, you are a master of whispers and a knower of all secrets. I am suitably impressed. You can return it now.” 

Byeongkwan sighed, placing it directly in Kihyun’s palm. ”Taking it to the enchanter, hm? You want her to know. Everything. I think it’s nice.” He smiled, wholesome and for once without a hint of teasing. It would have been a pretty smile, if he hadn’t ended it with one flicked up eyebrow, closing Kihyun’s hand around the pendant. 

“Don’t lose this again.” He leaned in closer, this time with a glint that left Kihyun a little worried. “They won’t like this, and they already know.” His lips didn’t move, and his voice was too low to be picked up, it was likely he had used an enchantment of some kind, one without an incantation, which meant he genuinely believed they were being watched at this moment.

It took everything in Kihyun to not react or look for the source of the spying. Instead he smiled back in his most warm way. Nodding as he stepped back.

“She means everything, I won’t let this opportunity pass me up.”  Kihyun watched Byeongkwan’s smile take on the knowing edge that made him as dangerous as he was. The message had been received on both sides.  Kihyun needed to see you tonight, after dropping this necklace off. 

----

 “Loosen up, Y/N. You never know, you might meet your soulmate here! It’s not unusual for you to run into them in places like this.” Your friend laughed as she made a gesture to the rest of the dimly lit bar. It was open mic night and the person singing now was… less than fantastic.

Your head hurt and you wanted to leave. It was smelly and crowded and there were too many bodies in the tight space. “Right. Soulmate.” You nodded, knowing that wouldn’t happen. You couldn't even see his face how would you see him? You didn’t want to let out your secret so you forced a smile and lifted your drink to your lips. It was sweet, something that your friend had picked. It didn’t feel great going down, somewhat burning and the tingles it left in your fingertips were the only blessing. Perhaps with a buz it wouldn’t seem so sad that  you were in this place when you wanted to be at home under your fuzziest blanket in your biggest shirt. You tugged at the hem of your dress, something a bit tighter than you were used to,  but more than fitting for the scene.

“Yes. Soulmate. We are getting to be an age where we should and could meet them anywhere!” Your friend loved the idea, her smile sparkly and genuine. You matched it best you could and nodded to the change of singer, an older woman in her mid 50’s singing off key to Journey.

“Maybe there's yours.”  you teased and your friend rolled her eyes, laughing off your joke as she motioned that her glass was empty and made her way through the crowd and from your table to get a new one. 

You focused on the inside of your glass, uninterested in the crowd pushing in, when the song changed again and a voice that could only be described as hypnotic hit your ears. You looked up, shocked to find the man from the flower shop on the small stage, and somehow, his eyes found you as he sang. It stirred something in your chest, aligning the same as the other day. This time you would blame the combination of loneliness and alcohol, though. What you couldn’t explain away was the way his eyes burned into you as he sang, drifting closed only to hit notes that seemed far outside the average person’s vocal range. 

Something about him was too enthralling to miss a second of, so you drank him in thirstily, unable to quench the longing in you. When he finished and the entire bar erupted into applause, you swallowed thickly at the lump that had formed in your throat. You heard someone sit opposit you, and fully expected your friend, but were met with someone else's eyes. 

This guy… you’d seen him here on other nights. He was attractive, but he was a bit smoother than your tastes desired. His middle part exposed a regal brow set with a stud, eyes piercing and strong beneath them. He was far prettier than someone who belonged here, and he prowled the joint enough that you knew what he came here for. 

“Did you enjoy the song?” He asked voice so deep it resonated in your chest, banging around like a caged bird. His eyes flitted from the low neckline of your dress back up to your lips before settling on your eyes. 

“I think everyone did.” You replied as nonchalantly as you could. “He belongs on a real stage.”

For some reason, that amused your guest. He grinned, eyes sharp suddenly, leaning forward, all aloofness suddenly gone. 

The room felt fuzzier somehow, when he neared. “He certainly doesn’t belong here. You are right about that.”  He seemed to say it more to himself than to you, and it was strange that you felt the air a bit tinglier than before.  You glanced at your still half full second glass… you shouldn't be feeling this much this quickly.  You'd eaten.. and you'd been here over an hour…

"I.M. I think I saw your friends looking for you. Maybe you should go and meet them.”  It was him. He had come your way, the man from the shop, who sings so beautifully.  However, this time when he spoke, instead of a gentle voice, it had a sharpness to it that was unfamiliar. He seemed... Irked? Jealous? His handsome face was tight and lacked the soft smiles you had grown to love far too fast. Any trace of the pleasant wrinkles and endearing nose scrunches far gone. 

The man in the other seat, I.M as he had been called, was smirking knowingly at the Flower Guy. They stared silently at each other, one stoic, one amused. It wasn’t a cruel smile but there was an edge to it, like they were silently exchanging a conversation you weren’t privy to.  After a moment, his smirk turned to a full, bright smile, and he turned back to you, grasping your hand gently and placing a soft kiss on the top. “Pleasure to meet you, I’m sure we will see each other soon.” His deep voice had not lost its charm. 

You nodded back, “Perhaps.”  Was all you could think to say, your cheeks were burning but it wasn’t because of I.M’s low tones or flirty smiles, or even the way his lips had grazed your hands. It was the intense, unwavering stare of the Flower Guy. You felt nearly aflame under his gaze. As I.M departed you bit your lip, almost afraid to meet his dark eyes. 

When you did, you were pleased to see the darkness had seeped out, instead replaced with a different type of intensity, but his lips were turned up at the corners now. You’d have sighed in relief but you didn’t want him catch on.

“Petal. Pleasure to see you here.” His voice was soft again, as it had been the first time you met. It sent tingles down your spine. Or was that still the drink? You didn’t know. The air was too full, too full of oxygen and you were nearly heaving from the high of it.  

“Is it? I don’t even know your name, nor do you seem to know mine.” 

An eyebrow lifted in response, tongue darting to the corner of his lips momentarily as he considered his response. “Mh. I know your name, Y/n. Petal fits you better.”

Oh. Oh. Why did that make the inside of your chest feel so full? Your head was still light and silly. It didn’t make sense, but the closer Flower Guy got, the more grounded you felt. 

“Whole.” You murmured to yourself, slipping between your too loosened lips.

“What was that, Petal?” His teeth looked sharp again gleaming behind his lips. It must be a trick of the light dancing on their tips, and the fire water flowing in your veins. 

“Nothing. Just thinking about something.” You replied, licking your lips and hoping he wouldn't inquire further. 

Your phone buzzed on the table, blessedly giving you reprieve from his eyes. 

I’m leaving with Matt. You good? 

Your friend had rekindled with her on again off again fling clearly, and while you didn’t begrudge her a good time, you also weren’t sure you were going to sober up in time to be safely home. It was best to call for a car service, because you weren’t sure walking was a great idea in your state either.

“Everything alright?” His voice dragged you out of your thoughts, a finger gently unwrinkling your brow- you hadn’t even known that you had furrowed. 

“Yeah. My friend is leaving, so I should probably try to find a way home too. I didn’t come here for me.”  Flower Guy started to look concerned, his own brows so beautifully creasing. “I’d rather curl up in bed anyway, dreams are the best part of my day.” Your teeth dug into your bottom lip, realizing the whimsy in your voice was perhaps uncalled for with a new acquaintance. 

Inexplicably, it seemed to please him though, his eyes darted to the table top and he covered his smile behind one hand, clearing his throat before smoothing his face into a more neutral position and asking you. “Soulmate dreams, then?”

“Ah.” you frown, unsure how to answer. “I suppose. I can never remember. But I wake up happy. Happier than ever.”

Something indiscernible crosses his face and he smiles again, it’s one of the extra dazzling ones where his cheeks cover his eyes and his nose scrunches. “Oh. I should assist you in getting to your bed then. So you can be happy.”

Your eyebrows shot up in shock. He-What? His hands were already rising in defense, shaking them back and forth as though to push your thoughts away, his face panicked.

“NO! Oh. No. I meant.”  His cheeks puffed as he sucked in too much air and scratched the back of his neck. “I meant it in the way where I help you get a driver and make sure you get home safe. From outside. I won’t go in... to your bed. Where you sleep that's. Uh. That’s not what I meant and…” He was cute flustered, cheeks tinging pink and words rushing out on top of each other. You couldn't help but laugh, placing two fingers on his lips to stop the babble. 

“I got it. Thank you.”

He nodded, clearly still embarrassed. It didn’t stop his lips from pouting out slightly into the pressure from your fingers, so soft and…

No. Not a safe line of thought.  You had to admit that while you had initially found him attractive, every time you saw him it intensified. You were starting to wonder what made him smile. What made him infinitely happier. Was it the person he had gotten the flowers for?

 Why were you still touching him??

He didn’t speak more as your fingers dropped from his lips, instead he stared at your hand in your lap and stood, clearing his throat again. Then he took your hand in his own to help you to your feet. It would have been suave, and gone perfectly, had not some very intoxicated patron bumped directly into you and set you off balance as you lifted yourself, so instead you stumbled and fell on Flower Guy fully. He caught you, gripping you in a sheltering way to his toned and warm chest. 

When you looked into his eyes to thank him, the room seemed to slow. Nothing made sense for a moment. The entire universe took a moment to stem the tides of time and the only thing you saw was the shine within his gaze. The truth lay there, something about fate.

“Ah! Y/N!” 

.....And just like that, the spell was broken, you righted yourself, pushing gently against Flower Guy’s chest to do so. 

“Simon.” You nodded in the direction of the interruption.  

“Why are you here? You hate going out.. You have always hated going out. It’s part of why we didn’t work.” Simon looked smug and you just wanted to turn and walk away. He didn't deserve your time, after sleeping with other people in clubs because you were ‘no fun’.

Before you could defend yourself, Flower guy smirked, that hardened expression back. Instead, he replied for you. “That’s why we are headed home. If you’ll excuse us.”  You weren’t sure how he had so quickly read the vibe, but you were thankful, and now he had rescued you in some way or another, three times within the night. 

Simon stood back, fumbling to reply as Flower Guy entwined your fingers and cast you a sultry smile, the type you had yet to see, but very much hoped you’d see more of, because it forced your heart into your throat.. “Let’s go, Petal.”  Before leading you out onto the sidewalk.

He hailed a cab and still got inside, but not until assuring you he was only doing it so he could pay and take it to his own home. 

You thanked him as you got out in front of your building, and asked him for his name.  He only smiled and said. “Next time, Petal. Third time is always a charm.”

You weren't sure why, but as the door to the cab slammed shut before you, you knew your dreams were going to be more... intense this time. 

----

 "You're impossible.  Irredeemable. I do not condone it." Kihyun is half serious and his scolding comes with the lightest of taps on your rear, as though punishment for your so called crimes.  It doesn’t last though, and as gentle as it was to start with, he runs his hands over the spots he swatted  reverently.  “It’s naughty. You are in trouble.” His lips pout prettily with the words and you want to be serious but you can’t.

You're laughing, cuddled into his embrace, you don't take offense because his voice has that teasing note that means you're about  to be complimented. 

"Am I?" You ask with softly pouted lips, gazing up into his eyes through your lashes.

"Yes. You're in a lot of trouble, Petal. You draw others to you like wil o’ whisps to a lost traveler. AND those you draw are of my people, dangerous and seductive. " he is trying to frown, and you can tell worries lie behind his eyes, but he's  too full of love for you make  to you feel any true shame. 

"Seductive? Are you being jealous?" You crave his jealousy. You know what nights it brings you when he is on fire with  it. The way it makes his movements less careful and adoring, more desirous and heady. 

You love it when he devours your love like the sweetest dessert. 

"Jealous? Perhaps. Worried? More than I can say. Impatient for you to come to me? Ardently. I want to steal you away.  Scoop you up into my arms and drag you to the veil. When I  finally get you,  you'd better be ready."  Danger sparks in his eyes. The exact type of danger that makes your skin too tight and your fingers itch to wrap around him. You love it when he pushes you to the brink of desire… 

"You're a silver tongued seducer on your own. Why would  I ever turn to another?" You question, breathless and leaning in to him as a reed sways in the wind. 

"You won't." And you know he's right.  The words drip off his sweetened silver tongue so full of promises you know he will keep. After all… fae can't  lie.

He's  laid his soul bare for you so many nights, that games aren't what  he wants. There isn't  a riddle in the way between you. Just circumstances.

 All deception would do is complicate your arrival  and his impatience is too overwhelming. 

"Because I'm still yours."  You remind him, as the fog begins to roll in with the sun, and he nods, bittersweet and determined. 

"I’ll make it right." He whispers.

You gasp awake, clutching your heaving chest and wondering why your skin felt alight.  You swallowed and gazed at the sun coming up.  For some reason, you felt so loved. Someone out there felt things for you that you could hardly fathom. You still couldn’t see a face, but some missing piece clicked now. You felt the emotions. Longing, happiness, affection, impatience.  Something was different, this morning. 

When  you saw fresh  sweet peas by your bed again you couldn’t bite back your grin.

 It would be a new day

----

The line at the cafe was a bit shorter than usual and you considered yourself lucky, hustling inside before your shift at the flower shop.  Your apron was hanging out of your jacket pocket and you were very ready for your daily cold brew. The wind wasn’t quite cold enough to bite your fingertips and force you to switch to your winter drink. 

The jingle of the bell behind you didn’t catch your attention until you smelled that strange floral freshness that drew you in. Flower Guy, it had to be, no one else could elicit the same response, your heart quickening pace and your fingertips buzzing. Should you turn around and greet him? No isn’t that strange, considering you shouldn’t recognize him by smell?? 

Stay cool, y/n, stay cool. Instead you go up and order your drink, lightly sweetened and stand off to the side pretending not to see him out of the corner of your eye. Hiding behind your hair as you lift your phone as though you are texting someone. He’s watching you, and biting his bottom lip to hold back a smile. His head tilts to one side and you notice his hair has changed a little. It’s still soft pink, but now it also has an undercut, and the way it’s swooped away from his brow bone has your heartbeat quickening, even without a solid look at him. His eyebrows lift and he seems about to say something to you, but instead goes to the counter to order since the line has moved. You notice him settle in standing beside you as he waits for his drink. 

“Petal. I told you there would be a third meeting, didn’t I?” His voice is as honeyed and smooth as ever, and you have to bite back the little noise you so desperately want to make.  

Trying to act as though you are surprised it’s him, you look up and smile gently. “Oh. Hello. You also told me that on the third meeting you would tell me your name, didn’t you.”

He does that beautiful, breathtaking smile again, the one that causes creases to form beside his eyes and lights your soul up like the sun. 

“I did. And I will. Let’s sit for a minute.”  He tilts his head to indicate a nearby table. You check your watch, unsure if you have time to sit before work. 

You have never been late before though, and your boss wouldn’t scold you if it wasn’t very late…

You meet his eyes and nod, taking a seat as he slides across from you. “I’m glad I saw you here… I was going to go by the shop soon in fact, because there’s something I needed to talk to you about. I thought it would entice you into coming somewhere with me.”

You want to blurt out that everything about him is enticing, alive, and enchanting but you manage to control it. Instead you laugh a little and look at your hands on the table, where his fingers slowly, and with plenty of time for you to stop him, gently lace in between yours on the table. Your palms don’t meet, and it’s not quite holding hands, but it means something and you can tell. 

You don’t want to be conflicted but you are, because those flowers were for some one. 

“What about your…” You search for the right word, eyes darting from his fingers to his lips to the fringe that tickles the side of his brow. “Person? The one you got the bouquet for.” You clarify.  

He giggles. 

Giggles. 

“What if I told you that was a ploy to talk to you?” Mischief sparkles in his eyes and he brushes up and down your index finger with his thumb, the tiniest touch is making your chest feel tight and full and you are realizing it is getting harder and harder to deny that this feels what people explain. This feels like soulmates? But it was a slow fall, not that instant dunk into a freezing tank of water, instead, it was like you had been in water that was warm, and it was slowly getting hotter and hotter, and you had  barely realized it before it began to boil. 

It didn’t fit the descriptions, but it meant something, it had to. 

“I would-" but you were cut off by the ringing of his phone. He gave you an apologetic smile and checked it. The frown that crept onto his face told you that it wasn’t good. .

“I have to take this.”  He said, but he looked torn and hurt by it. 

“It’s an emergency. We’ll catch up next time. Maybe fourth time is the real charm, for us.” You said with a small smile, trying to convince him you were okay with it. He squeezed your hand in his reassuringly before scuffling out of the coffee shop, forgetting his drink on the counter as he did. You got up to grab both drinks and saw a small blue box on the chair he had been in.  As you returned to the table to investigate, you saw there was  “Petal” written on it in neat handwriting.  This was for you? 

You picked up the box and put it in your jacket pocket, and hurried out in the direction he had gone, hoping to catch him in the parking lot with the coffee. 

The wind was blowing your hair into your face and making it hard to see, but you were rushing too much to care. It took a moment to go through and realize that he was long gone, and you held the two coffees and chewed your lip, trying to figure out what to do. 

“Look! A lost flower in the big city.” A deep familiar voice was too close, causing you to jump forward and spin to meet their gaze. I.M  Strange, but he seemed to know your Flower Guy.

You greeted him with an uneasy smile.  “Oh, hi, did you see… I-I don’t know his name?”

A smile slowly stretched across his face, eyes sparkling with some mischief.  “Your darling? I can help you find him. For a price.”

You squint for a moment, something about the situation felt a little.. Off?  “What kind of price?”

“Oh don’t worry. It won’t seem like much. But I may have need of a favor from you. No money or tricks. Just a no questions asked favor.” I.M looked  more honest but you still felt uncertain. Flower Guy hadn’t seemed to like him so much, unless that was just jealousy… You didn’t have much of a choice, something inside you nagged at  you that Flower Guy needed you for something. An inner calling that began beneath your ribs and wrapped into each one like a vine. The constriction was suffocating. You didn’t know why, but you knew you needed to go to him… Was it worth the price? 

Deciding that it was better to give a favor to this man than to have something bad happen, you nodded. “Alright. One favor. Within REASON.” 

The smile that slid onto his face made you question your decision but you stayed resolute.  Something was wrong, and you needed to help. 

He extended his hand to you in a deep bow, you scoffed but took it, and he lead you away. 

----

The greenery around you was lush and vibrant, and the smell in the air was the same as that ozone smell before a storm. You felt uneasy but at home all at once, and it made your skin itch as you drew your arms across your chest in defensive posture. 

Coffees long forgotten, the box in your pocket felt heavy for some reason, the air around you grew still. You eyed I.M as he turned around finally, eyes unreadable. 

“We approach the faerie ring. Once you get inside, we will have to activate it, and that will get us through the veil.” He was explaining, but it didn’t make sense. 

“The what? What are you saying?“ Your head was shaking and your hand instinctively went to your pocket again. The box was.. Vibrating?

He fully tuned to face you, heaving a sigh. “All right I will make this fast and lover boy can flesh out the details when everything is better okay? Let’s start here.” He waved around to indicate the area. “This is a portal. I protect the portal.” He points to the small grassy patch that while untouched with light, is brighter than the rest of the forest floor. It is  a perfect circle lined with flowers of exotic beauty and the air around it shimmers a bit in the dim lighting. “Your lover boy and I are both fae. I don’t need to explain that do I?”

“Ah. Maybe? I don’t know. Magic is real?” You squinted in confusion but his face fell to full deadpan in response. 

“Soulmates are basically magic, but fae are a stretch? Don’t be silly. Just like. Ground rules. Don’t give anyone your full name. Fake name or partial name only, understood? Also We can’t lie but we are really good at deceiving with words so be careful. The rest is less important. Anyway. Your darling is in there-” He points back to the ring again. “And he is probably in trouble. He gave you something today right?” 

You nod. “Well, he was going to but he got a call and left. Which you saw. He dropped it on his way out.” You fish the box out of your pocket. “It’s buzzing. Is this magic?” 

I.M looked slightly envious for a moment, tongue darting out before he replied. “Yeah. Open it. Now. You’ll need it.” 

“I wanted to ask him about it before I-” You began but when his eyes met yours, steely and serious, you decided to listen. Opening the box gently, you pulled a chord inside. It was silvery but a bit heavier than one would expect for how thin the chain was. It was a necklace of some kind, with a stone hanging from the end pendant style that seemed to be shining with inner light. It was almost opalescent, rainbows sparking inside. When it touched your skin you gasped, and electricity leapt through your body in arcs that should have left you stunned but instead left you gasping and awakened. 

The air got even more shimmery, and when you looked  at I.M he looked startled, his mouth fell open and he pointed at you while you slowly rolled your shoulders against the thrumming in your veins.  

Slowly, your regained your normal footing, realizing things felt different, inside and out. You felt different. 

“Sly.”  I.M said with a giggle. “You are one of us. Or partially. Guess my favor is even better now.”

“I don’t.” You began before things began to shift and bend around you, almost as though you yourself had a bubble around you refracting light… “I.M, touch me.” 

His eyebrows raised, but he did as you asked, lifting his hand only to have it forcefully blasted back as he reached your bubble. Sparks arched from the place he touched, sizzling as though it would burn him if he tried again.

“You absolute… This is great, turn it off so we can go and get him?” 

You nodded, concentrating on bringing the bubble in closer to your skin, then pressing itself back into the gem. You didn’t know HOW you knew to, but you knew it was the thing to do. 

As you stepped inside the fairy ring, reality itself seemed to shift. You closed your eyes and when you opened them, you were in a forest much thicker, much more foriegn. 

The wildlife was exotic, and shimmers danced into your vision.

Flashes of silk and skin kept playing in your head. Ki.. His name bounced on and off the tip of your tongue in the most irritating fashion. But you knew how he tasted, how he felt flush against you. How his lips felt pressed against the crown of your head. You knew he brought you flowers.

You knew he was yours. 

But it wasn’t time to revel in memories, so you turned to I.M who was still regarding you carefully.  “By now, they’ll have him cornered. Come on.” 

You nodded and followed but still called out to ask him who has him and why. 

“Usurpers. Your sweetheart is the 1st prince of the Seelie court, and word got out about you. You being human and all. It caused the already more tricky members of court to stage a coup. That’s where we come in. “ He waggled his eyebrows and it occurred to you that  he genuinely was a good person, if a little feisty. You liked him more each moment. 

“And how do YOU know about this plot?”  

His smile was jagged at its edges as he cut through a passage and lead you further along. “Oh. I know people, you know?”

You didn’t know, but there wasn’t time to dig into I.M’s world too deeply when you were still recovering memories as they slid into place on their own.

Laughter in sheets and silvery moonlight, nicknames and promises. Years of it, years of being his without knowing. 

You two kept mostly quiet as you slid through the tunnels. The air felt colder, but not quite damp, still, some pressure on your skin akin to humidity, but with more life set you on edge.

I.M motioned for you to come close, and pointed out into the opening ahead.

There was a ring of creatures, shades of blues and purples some with wings and some without, all surrounding Ki-, the man, your man. 

Your prince

You corrected. He didn’t look overly concerned, in fact, he almost seemed confident even surrounded as he was. You couldn’t make out the conversation but there were weapons pointed at him, and panic filled your gut.

“What can I do?”

“We’re cloaked best we can be. You’re going to have to get right in the middle of all of that and activate the gem. Do you think you can?”

His laughter soft and happy in your ear, breath bouncing off your skin sending shivers down your spine. The way his fingers traced the sides of your face. Your soulmate, yours all along.  

 You nodded with firm conviction. You would have to.  “I can do whatever I need to.” 

I.M smiled back at you, gave your hand a reassuring pat and pointed. “Then go get him.”

----

You sucked your breath in and held in on approach. You could hear your heart beating in your ears but you knew there wasn’t a choice. Thinking quickly,  you pretended to fall, the noise drawing the attention of the entire group.

 Kihyun looked up at you eyes widened,  alarmed and upset.  His head began to shake and mouth formed an “O”. The panic in his eyes made you feel guilty, but he didn’t know your plan.  

“Who is that? Is that her?”  A blue skinned creature that stood roughly 6ft tall asked with a graveled voice. 

Kihyun’s eyes were steely and angry, he looked ready to make a move and you wished you could calm him. There were too many of them and they were heavily armed. You needed to goad them into getting you closer to him.

“Aren’t we lucky.Now they can watch each other die.” A smaller one with sharp jagged teeth said, chuckling. 

“If you even-” Kihyun began before a harsh slap rang out and he fell to the ground. You lunged towards him without thinking, only to be stopped suddenly.

“Please. Let me see him.” You begged, you needed to be sure he was okay.

When a pale fae with purple hair and sharpened claws grabbed your arm you winced, he was dragging you to your feet and into the middle.  “You’ll see him. You’ll see him bleed out.” 

You were pushed towards where he was getting back to his feet, he stumbled but he caught you in his arms, trying to wrap his body around you and check you for injury. 

Electricity traveled inside your veins immediately, and for a moment you were lost in memories, lost in dreams... 

Silver moonlight in pink hair. Giggles and secrets and kisses. Hot skin on cool nights and promises made between glistening lips. The feather soft beat of his eyelashes against your cheek as he sings softly to you. The way your heartbeat syncs into his and drags you home. Home is him, and it’s all real. It’s a blur, but then it’s part of you, he’s part of you.

You see him, much younger, much more excited.

“You belong here as much as I do, this power is as much yours as it is mine. You are one of us, even if it’s just a little bit.”  His scrunched nose makes you weak with happiness and you feel the air sparkle with your combined magick. That little bit in your veins is enough to feel the words he says are true. 

“So I really won’t remember you in the morning? We only just met!”  You want to stay in this place with him.

“You won’t. Because I am not human, and neither are you. Or at least not all of the way. We’ll make it work, I’ll find my way to you.”

When you opened your eyes again, Kihyun was panicking, saying something to you, but your ears were still ringing. You smiled reassuringly and touched his face, cupping his cheek with one hand as you squeezed tight to the necklace in your pocket with the other, and the shimmering light enveloped you both.

He was smiling, then, and holding onto you as the fae outside began trying to attack, only to be bounced back by the shield that surrounded you.

“Hi,” you said to him, ignoring the ruckus, “It’s nice to see you again, Kihyun. My Kihyun. My soulmate.” 

His eyes were watering and he was laughing, holding your face in both his hands as he realized you had returned to him. “It worked. It worked and you remember don’t you?” He peppered kisses across your forehead and cheeks, with giggles. “This is real! This is real and you’re mine.”

You didn’t think before you acted, only knew that he had to be closer to you. Gripping the back of his neck, you tugged his face closer to yours and tilted your head to press your lips to his. Softly, at first, and then firmly when he breathed into the kiss and tightened his hold, hands pressing into your lower back and pulling you up into him. You swear you had never felt so full and so alive at once, his lips the perfect blend of soft and harsh. This was the kind of kiss people wrote songs about, the kind of fairy tail nonsense that was fed to you as a child. But here, in his arms, there didn’t seem to be a single thing in the world more magical than the press of his lips desperate to  know you as well in reality as they had in dreams.

You eventually pulled back, albeit unwillingly, your foreheads joined as you both caught your breath.

He glanced up, reluctant to look away but knowing the threat was still present. You followed his gaze when a huge smile lit his face.

“You didn’t have to wait so long to help out, but you always did have a flair for the dramatic.” He’s speaking to a smaller man outside the bubble, silver hair and a sneaky smile. He’s handsome too, with round eyes that tilt up at the ends. 

“We had a plan. You should trust us more.” He insists as I.M joins at his side, there’s others in hoods and robes also all around, apprehending the group

I.M looks slyer than ever, “You still owe me, highness.”

“I’m not-” you begin, only to be cut off by Byeongkwan who is smirking and Kihyun.

“You will be, pleasure to meet you, sister in law.” He winks at you and turns to make a hand sign at the group around him. “We’ll take care of this. You guys head back.”

You slowly let go of the jewel in your pocket, retracting the shimmering light. Kihyun refuses to let you go, clutching onto your hand and lacing your fingers. 

You walk off knowing that things will be okay, that whatever is next, together you’d figure it out.

----------------------------------------------EPILOGUE----------------------------------

The sheets are silken. The bedside table is silver. The room has a skylight.

You smell life and flowers and  Kihyun and the scent of your skin combined. 

There’s no fog to usher you back into the day, there is nothing rushing you away from this dream. 

You snuggle deeper into his hold, he murmurs in his sleep from you shifting, eyes fluttering open to regard you blearily. 

“Hello Princess.” His voice is lower and thick with sleep, you’re nearly overwhelmed with love,the way your skin tingles and your breath quickens at his touch.

“Hello, Prince.” You respond as his lips brush yours lovingly, starting soft and deepening as you tightened your grip. 

His fingers danced along the skin of your collar bone, drifting down your arms to stroke your skin lovingly. The heat between you was always present, but as he grunted into the kiss and rolled you onto your back, teeth glistening in the dark, you knew that this was going to be a longer night. And you had all night...

This time, you weren’t lost in a dream, you were lost in him, and that was perfectly alright....

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #240

end of the year one!

What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Uhhhh. Wow. I honestly don't really know; not a lot. Uhhhh... oh, I was sexually involved with a girl, I worked at a deli for A WHOLE TWO HOURS!!!!, I'm still a shameful shit that being on that damn pill actually drove me to masturbating for the first time (yes, I know it's not "bad," but), OH! I very recently found myself to relate to Neo-Paganism so kinda identify as that now, I finished a full semester of college, and uhhh. It's funny, '18 and '19 kinda blur together for me, so I can't say with certainty when some certain things took place, so it doesn't even feel right putting them here? Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn't make one; I pretty much never do. This year, however, I just might. Like I've always thought "dude it's just another day there is literally no actual difference," but I want to focus on the actual symbolism. No, there is no physical difference, but it's the idea I want to appreciate. I want to make something about self-improvement this year, probably mostly about AvPD and its "I'm embarrassed by myself omg people think I'm weird" factor irl, because that FUUUUCKS WIIIITH MEEEEE. I want to be comfortable as me, y'know? Oh, and I should definitely work on independence. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my sister is pregnant. Did anyone close to you die? My dog Teddy. What countries did you visit? I didn't leave and have never left America, yaaaaay. Fun. Adventure. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? An income. Let photography go somewhere or some shit, please. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 28th, when Teddy was put down. That's something I can never forget. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Said lasting a college semester!!!! I failed my math course as I expected to, but I mean, I lasted. What was your biggest failure? To ME anyway (people have assured me otherwise from their perspectives), it would be the first "professional" wedding I shot. I put so much into that day and the DAYS of post processing, and they never bought any of the pictures. Said they were going to discuss which ones they wanted and get back to me and then poof, vanished. I was very suspicious by another person, I think family, being there taking pictures pretty much just as much as I did, even posing people, and by now I'm pretty sure they used me (or her, idk) as backup. My only guess is my pictures weren't what they wanted so they chose the route of not paying, which, TECHNICALLY, isn't against my terms of service; you just have to pay the sitting fee, you see previews w/ watermarks, and THEN you pay for each photo you actually WANT. That's a loophole I probably need to fix, because I can honestly say $20 did NOT cover my time, hyperhidrosis e x p l o s i o n, anxiety, and my previously-mentioned DAYS-long editing period. Not to mention I was and still genuinely am proud of how the pictures turned out. OKAY WOW I'm seriously ranting but yeah I'm obviously still tilted. Did you suffer illness or injury? Did I? I don't think so. At least nothing serious. I did have a fall, but the resulting bruises and twists were negligible. What was the best thing you bought? A fuckin honeybun from the school snack machine lmao. I don't have my own income, so I just get little cash from Mom if needed for when I go out or anything. Where did most of your money go? See above. So, food lol. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Sara coming on my birthday, Ozzy re-announcing his tour for next year (WITH MANSON Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!!) and Mom and I being like "um fuck yes we're going," and that's all I can think about right now. It's not common I get like, THAT excited. What song will always remind you of 2019? *shrug* None off the top of my head stand out. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Older or wiser? Thinner or fatter? (I've been at a weight loss stalemate for two fucking years now, so neither.) Richer or poorer? (No personal income, and I don't know the exact financial position Mom's in compared to last year.) What do you wish you’d done more of? See Sara and Dad much more, reach out to more friends, exercise, cleaning alksdjfawei, studying. What do you wish you’d done less of? Sitting on this computer gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh- I honestly would prefer to just not dwell on this "I wish I had..." subject. How did you spend Christmas? Breakfast and gift opening with Mom and my younger sis, then we went to my older sister's house that afternoon to celebrate with her and the kids. What was your favorite TV program? I didn't watch TV. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No. What was the best book you read? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What was your greatest musical discovery? Hm... I don't believe I discovered any new bands, but I got waaay more into Motionless In White. What did you want and get? Making it through my first semester in college, Teddy reaching his 13th birthday, seeing my grandmother for probably the last time, seeing Sara for my birthday, uhhh other things that aren't coming to mind. What did you want and not get? Lose more fucking weight for a change, more photography growth, new glasses, the courage to drive more and get my license, SEE SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK AS WELL AS THE LAST HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON, other little things I don't wanna dwell on. What was your favorite film of this year? I do NOT get the hate of the live action The Lion King. I fucking adored it. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I don't remember other than hang out with Sara and the fam and probably eat at Olive Garden for dinner. I turned 23. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Photography reaching the level of being able to call it my *real* job. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? Pajamas. Just... pajamas whenever possible lmao. What kept you sane? My mom and Sara, MUSIC, gaming, Mark and the other YTers I love way too much, school getting me out of the damn house. Oh, and medication lmfao. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? The day I don't answer this with "Mark Fischbach," I IMPLORE you to commit me. What issue stirred you the most? I'm guessing you mean political? If so, the Amazon wildfires and how the fucking SA government handled it. NOTHING in the political world has ever had me that livid, heartbroken, and ashamed of the greed of the human race. Who did you miss? A good number of people, plus Teddy of course. Who was the best new person you met? Good question. Probably a teacher or adviser at school. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: I think more than anything, there's been a lot of focus on the fact that you can't always run at the first sign of trouble/stress. That's one of my biggest weaknesses: I flee the moment I'm under stress, but now with school, I've had to learn to fight this. It's an ongoing process, but I'm getting there. Some battles need to be fought to reach a better place.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 31: You Can’t Spell Marriage Without Mai

First off, when I got to this episode, I turned to my bro and said “WHAT” and he said “Right? This episode is the best. It’s all down from here” and I was like “YOU SAID THAT TWO EPISODES AGO” so now I know Bro can never be trusted.

If you had told me the plot of this episode before I watched it, I’d say “no, that is Mario Party Fanfiction, and you’ve changed all the names.” That is where this episode went.

Does Mario Party Fanfic exist? Quick Google search, one moment. Dear Lord. OK, I’m back.

Now guys I want you to know that every time a ship comes up in Yugioh, I write like...10k words about it, math equations appearing around my head, as I try to figure out what the freakin hell anyone is even doing and if the writers even know what they’re doing, and I’ll just promptly delete it. I just want you to know the service I do for you. Every time it comes up I start ranting about what the hell an ancient Egyptian would even understand about modern romance and then I stop myself and go “No! Focus!” and I’ll Ctrl-A and I’ll just *delete* and feel a burden lift off my shoulders and into the ceiling like a prayer.

And then this episode happened?

And I’m just like...

...

well I TRIED to spare you.

Please admire how many people they stuffed into Mai’s very small convertible. I half expected them to drive up to Kiki’s Delivery Service.

In case you’ve also forgotten something that happened 40 episodes ago, Mai saved Joey last season by giving him a McGuffin as well as a gross ass handkerchief (which he doesn’t have anymore, the whole 'will they ever return the gross ass handkerchief’ plotline seems to have left the building) and finally, here, halfway through S2 we’re going to actually address why Mai would have any compassion for this bundle of awful kids.

I mean, Joey is still in high school and Mai is like 24 (although some say 44???) so I’m pretty sure they were trying to make it seem platonic or motherly between these two but eh, I don’t even know with this show, man. I mean she and Joey are 8 years apart but Serenity is 4 years Tristan’s junior despite Mokuba being 1 year younger than her and like right there. (Mokuba’s like 12 by the way, something surprising I found out when I did a Google Deep Dive on everyone’s canonical weight a few episodes ago.) And then Pharaoh is like either 5000 or 16-ish depending on who’s asking, so age doesn’t seem to be ever an inhibiting factor in this show.

But as is Yugioh tradition, any space that could possibly be filled with any growth between a boy and a girl--even platonically--must be absolutely derailed by something exploding.

(read more under the cut)

Stepping out from inside of this limousine is a man who wears sunglasses at night, and so at first I thought “oh hell it’s Pegasus’ security, he’s back” But he’s...he’s not. I really, really wish it were.

Joey literally wiped his hand off on the ass of his jeans before trying to shake the hand of this guy he has never mentioned before in his life but swears is his favorite person in the world.

Jean wisely left him hanging.

Joey is SO ready to see a ship in this show actually do something. So ready, that he is willing to accept Mai and this rando we’ve never seen before as canon, despite the fact I’m pretty sure a chunk of last season was trying (rather unsuccessfully) to pair him up with Mai?

It’s not where I expected this episode to go! I really thought we were going to go and play a tourney? We were meeting up with Kaiba at a stadium one block away - he’s just sitting there on his big ass dragon shaped chair and like “omg the moment I walk away they get completely distracted, every single time.”

Anyways, lets get to a flashback where very fancy people in pastel suits were playing cards because apparently cards isn’t just for streetfighting.

I have been wading through 1.5 seasons of these characters doing these elaborate dances around each other to never ever speak a word of commitment or relationship, and I’ve been pretty OK with them doing that. Honestly, the less romance in my Yugioh, the more satisfied I am, but then, after 1.5 seasons of basically nothing but Serenity wearing some bandages and needing a lift from the hospital, suddenly we have this random guy show up and profess marriage, and it is the most whiplash this show has ever given me.

I will accept demonic weird ass devices threatening children, spooky magic, bad history, and all sorts of weird ass outfits but like marraige???? wtf?????

Which is something that Mai seems to know because she turned him right down as you should when a person you’ve never met before decides to marry you based on your ability to coordinate cards in a deck.

Joey honestly thinks being a rich star will automatically make you marriageable material, because I guess Joey completely forgot about Seto Kaiba, a very famous billionaire who is maybe one of the least marriageable people on the planet.

So what gets me about this episode and what makes it so freakin weird is that everyone here accepts this as the rules from this point on.

She MUST be married if Mai enters and then loses this game. Welcome to the Yugioh universe. This is how card people dating works. This is law, she has to accept this proposal if this card game based on chance loses.

Anyways, Yugi’s here to be the voice of reason in a dating episode and that’s something I didn’t expect to write in a sentence.

Yes, his motive was “Mai, this will take too long” not “Mai, you don’t know this guy, and he’s probably crazy” it was “Mai please, I know the world will end when I enter this tourney and so you have nothing to lose and it’s the best time to marry a stranger actually, but can you not? It’s taking SO LONG.”

Duke Devlin in the back still trying helplessly to keep up with what the hell is going on since he wandered on this team by complete accident four episodes ago.

And yes, it’s THIS that makes Joey not like this guy. Not the part where he proposed out of the blue, nearly ran over them with his car, stalked Mai for like a year, and then completely disregarded Mai’s common sense. No--this part, where he threatened to kick Mai out of the competition. That was the low blow to Joey.

You will lose this duel and gain a husband.

That is an actual line from the show, folks, this show went places.

aaaaand Mai starts losing right away.

DAMN

IT.

This is the one thing I thought was pretty much in the bag. That there would not be the concept of one of these characters getting married. That was the One thing I was sure of. But I was not only wrong, but this is like the most bizarre wedding I’ve ever seen on TV. It’s basically a shotgun wedding but with cards???

And what makes this more bizarre, and it was something I only noticed after watching this episode, is that we’ve seen this type of behavior before. But at the time, back in the beginning of this season I was just like “that was just a really weird thing that happened that wouldn’t possibly be accepted as normalized in this universe.”

Like, remember that creepy DDR guy who dueled Yugi so that if he beat Yugi in a match, that creepy guy would become Tea’s boyfriend despite never spending more than 2 minutes with either of them? That despite the fact that Yugi isn’t even her boyfriend, it was like something all three of them were like “I guess I have to go through with this now.” At the time I just assumed that was an insane thing that happened. I just assumed that would never come back.

This was the episode where suddenly I realized, maybe the big issue with these kids dating is a hell of a lot more than just actually going on dates. Maybe it’s because I didn’t understand what their love language is. It’s not Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, and for sure as hell isn’t Physical Touch, it’s the 6th, not very often talked about love language, that’s right, it’s Cards. Rewrite everything, Gary Chapman. Tear it all down and reshoot all those Ted Talks, we forgot something.

Like, sometimes I forget that these guys live in a universe controlled by cards. I mean we’ve seen cards and romance intermingle twice. (three times, if you count Rebecca, who might be engaged to Yugi now? It was kind of a really weird ending to a card game) Pegasus even tried to resurrect his dead wife through cards. All these cards currently exist because of Pegasus’ undying love for Cecilia (who is...OMG I forgot that chick might be alive somewhere)

What I’m saying is that...What if this is how they’ve actually dated this whole time? What if this whole time that I assumed no one was dating they......they actually...were? What if I just didn’t notice, because it was just so freakin weird? What if this is more like how in a Jane Austen novel, if someone goes on a walk with someone else it’s basically like 3rd base?

Like, remember Jane Austen’s Persuasion, where Captain Wentworth went on a walk with Louisa and she was like “hey catch me, I’m 14 years old!” and then she tripped off a wall and got a concussion and he was like “DAMN IT! Now I have to marry her!” and everyone was like “Well congrats on getting married, Louisa.” and then she fell in love with a sad poet who gave her soup once while Captain Wentworth was getting his nuptials planned out in Bath and so Louisa dumped Captain Wentworth’s sorry ass and he was like “OH THANK YOU. YOU ARE SO 14.” And then sad soup man showed up in Bath while Wentworth and the rest of Louisa’s family was quickly crossing out “Wentworth” on all the marriage invitations and sad soup man was like “Before Louisa, I was in love with this other chick, but she died, so I’m pretty stoked I found Louisa.” and Captain Wentworth was like “You’re such an asshole for cheating on your dead girlfriend, I would never do that, you ass!” and then immediately married Anne Wentworth by writing her one single letter saying “hey, want to get married Y/N?” despite the fact that he went well out of his way to avoid her the entire book?

What if that’s been going on in the background of Yugioh but I just didn’t know because, unlike Persuasion, I never took a college class on Yugioh Dating Customs so I have no idea when it ever happens.?

See, this is the stuff I usually delete but like psh whatever, it’s a dating episode, so for once this isn’t a tangent, and yes, I am reading too much into this, thank you.

Anyway, after Joey asks Yugi what to do and then telephones what Yugi just told him to Mai enough times, Mai beats Jean Claud Magnum and avoids a lifetime of...whatever that would have been like.

However, something is off about that game and it takes a card wizard to explain it to us although it was...........really obvious.

This is the third time someone on this show was abducted by a ninja net.

She gets kidnapped by a guy in a ninja jet suit contraption and this is her reaction!? Freakin lucid dream what the hell?

This is the weirdest show I’ve ever watched. Not so much because it has stuff other shows don’t have, but because it forces me to have these expectations of what I think it is and then, once I get comfortable, completely changes it. Last episode Bakura murdered 3 established characters in a graveyard. Like, not even random people, Bakura murdered 3 named people with funny accents we’ve known since last season. That was already completely insane for a kid’s show to do. But rather than address whatever the hell is going on with Bakura, we’re just going to add more to the pot and throw in this crazy asshole, too. For kicks.

Like this is a filler episode somehow? This filler episode would be an entire season of any other kid’s show.

So this episode ends with Mai hanging from a flag pole in a miniskirt, but it’s not like anyone in this city would ever peek their nose out of their window to see what the hell is going on, so at least she doesn’t have to worry about upskirting an entire town. Just these two people.

And like, Joey’s such a mess in that head anyway that like who freakin cares? He’ll probably wake up tomorrow without any memory of yesterday thanks to possession, drowning, getting beat up, tied up, and then this oncoming concussion.

I’m pretty sure she should have stabbed him right through with this duel disk?

(the dialogue really does imply that if he had done this himself she would have been cool with it. How freakin weird is Mai?)

And then he just lets her go? Makes you wonder if it was an abduction or just a game he thought she would enjoy? I don’t know. This episode was all over the place. I mean...maybe he really thought she’d like getting caught in a net and being flown all around Domino? I don’t freakin know.

Like, in my opinion she was stalked for over a year and abducted with several witnesses. But, no one is calling the cops. So like...was this weird to them? This was very weird to us...but like...maybe Mai was like “hm, that was a so-so date.” because this type of behavior is just how this universe does?

....

....

Yugioh, are you OK?

Anyways, next week:

Is the tourney cancelled because after episodes and episodes of tangents, no one ever freakin shows up and Kaiba has to go back to school to do a Chem final? Does Duke Devlin ever even do anything? Does it take 20 minutes for Bakura to walk through security because he keeps setting off the metal detector with his invisible necklace that he can never take off?

[whipped-for-kpop-fics]

BTS when you don’t speak Korean

Hoseok (J-Hope) You had only been in Korea for three hours and had to be at your new job already. You had been promised a day off to recover from the flight and time difference but apparently one of the dancers had called in sick and you were the only person available.

"Wonder what your new partner will be like." Jimin spoke curiously, watching Hoseok stretch to warm up for the day's session.

"Hopefully nice." Hoseok chuckled. "Remember that foreign girl Jungkook had to dance with?"

"Ugh, her." Jimin and Hoseok shuddered in distaste before laughing. It was then that you walked in. Jimin's eyes widened at the sight of you before nudging Hoseok.

Hoseok looked over as you approached the pair as they were the only people int eh room.

"Uh.." You looked at the message on your phone. "J-Hope?" You asked, looking back up at the pair.

"Hi." Hoseok greeted warmly. "I'm J-Hope."

"Y/N." You smiled lightly, trying to hide how tired you were and how little you wanted to be anywhere but in bed. "I'm covering for Jisoo today," you informed in English and Hoseok blinked a few times while Jimin laughed. "Ah shit, you don't speak English, do you?"

"Not...not really." Hoseok chuckled awkwardly, his words in English.

"Well, fuck." His eyes widened at your cursing. He knew enough English to recognise a curse word when he heard it. "Let's just dance." You decided. There was no point trying to verbally communicate when neither of you spoke the other's language.

"Dance?" Hoseok repeated and you nodded. "Okay, dance." He agreed with a bright smile. Despite your annoyance at the situation, you found yourself smiling.

Jimin left as you stretched and warmed up. Hoseok watched for a few seconds before joining in your warm up, sending a smile your way.

As time passed, Hoseok found himself unable to look away from you for long. You had sucked in his attention and he didn't care that you two couldn't communicate verbally, not when you two danced so well together. Dance was a language you both knew very well and Hoseok hoped he would get to spend a lot more time with you in the future.

Jimin Your best friend had moved to Korea for work months ago and you were finally able to visit them. Jimin had been told a lot about you by Hoseok's new permanent dance partner(and low-key romantic partner) and honestly, he was kind of in love with you already. He knew you didn't know Korean so he had been working hard under Namjoon's guidance to better his English skills.

But when you arrived at the dance studio with Hoseok's partner, Jimin lost all ability to think coherently let alone string together a sentence in a foreign language.

"This is Y/N." Your friend introduced you to the two males. Hoseok greeted you with a hug as he felt like you two were already friends and you giggled at his warm greeting.

"Ah, Jimin has been practising English." your friend stated, giving you a look which you rolled your eyes at.

"Hello, Jimin. It's nice to finally meet you." You greeted with careful Korean and Jimin melted.

"Hi I like meet you well finally." He stammered in English, hands coming up to cover his face the instance his mouth closed. He knew he messed up big time.

"Aww Jiminie is shy!" Hoseok exclaimed wrapping his arms around Jimin who whined in embarrassment.

"Hyung, don't." He whimpered. Hoseok laughed and pulled away.

"Y/N, don't you think Jimin is cute?" Hoseok questioned and your friend translated. You blushed and the pair began to bounce around and tease you both.

"Do you want to leave?" You asked Jimin. He looked at you shocked.

"Leave...together?" He questioned and you nodded. "Oh...okay." You held out your hand and he took it slowly. You smiled comfortingly at him before leading him out of the room.

You two wandered off and Jimin showed you around the local stores. You found ways to communicate with the little knowledge you held for each other's language but as you looked into each other's eyes, smiles on your faces, Jimin knew that language would never be a barrier in your relationship.

Jungkook You were new to the world of k-pop but had already fallen deep into the music and had no intention of climbing back out. Your only issue was that the only language you spoke was English and of course k-pop was in Korean.

So, you signed up for a language service. It was one where a native Korean would teach you and in turn, you'd teach them English. Honestly, you had no idea how it'd work, how were the pair of you supposed to communicate in the first place if you didn't have a common language but, you still gave it a shot. You figured the easiest way to learn was from a Korean living in Korea.

Jungkook had wanted to learn English for a while to communicate with overseas fans better but he didn't have the time to spare on actual lessons. He had tried various apps, books and even tried to have lessons from Namjoon but he struggled with it all. One day he saw an advert for the language tutor website and figured that maybe, it would work. He wasn't too sold on the idea of teaching someone Korean but he was willing to try anything at this point.

Of course, for weeks you and Jungkook taught each other your languages, sending voice clips to each other to help with pronunciation, and you were never aware of the fact that the man teaching you was one of the idols you had grown to love.

Are you busy today?    Jungkook messaged one day. You replied stating that you were in fact not busy. Without warning, your laptop started to ring with an alert that he was trying to call you. You knew that video calling was an option on the website as some people preferred a more personal teaching method but after talking to Jungkook for two months, you had never seen his face and the concept of video calling never arose.

You quickly checked your reflection in your mirror and threw on a shirt, not bothering for trousers as only your chest and up would be visible. Upon deciding your appearance was decent enough, you pressed accept.

It took a good ten seconds for the call to connect properly and when it did, Jungkook's face appeared on your screen. Your eyes widened in shock at his sheepish smile.

You had mentioned to Jungkook that you wanted to learn Korean to understand k-pop and Jungkook ever so casually suggested to listen to BTS. That was two weeks into your friendship and he loved it when you talked about him and his band entirely unaware that you were in fact talking to BTS' Golden Maknae.

Jungkook wanted to surprise you but the second he saw your face, his smile dropped. He had never expected the person teaching him English to be so damn beautiful. He was awestruck.

"Holy shit." You finally managed, snapping him back to reality. "You shit! You set me up!" You accused and he started to laugh. You continued to complain and scold him for letting you get so deep into his life without knowing it was really him on the other end. Jungkook only watched you with a smile of adoration on his face. He was already in deep with you and no amount of language barrier would change that.

Namjoon (RM) It was in a bookstore that Namjoon first met you. You were both in the information section, eyes wandering over various titles. Namjoon was there before you and at first, he didn't really pay you much attention but then you got closer to squint at a title, turning your head to read along the spine and he thought it was the cutest thing. He found his attention flitting back to you regularly to look at you from the corner of his eye. Eventually, you looked at him and smiled lightly.

"Can-can I help...you?" You asked carefully, not wanting to come across as rude but you knew he kept looking at you.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to keep staring." He apologised, cheeks red as he rubbed his neck awkwardly. "It's just- you're beautiful and I can't help myself." You stared at him for a few moments, letting his words sink and he was worried he had gained an attraction to a strange person but then you repeated one word in English and he understood.

"Beautiful." You mumbled, cementing the only word you understood.

"Oh, you speak English?" He asked, talking fluently in your own language. You relaxed and nodded.

"I'm trying to learn Korean but I'm not very good." You admitted with an embarrassed laugh. He found it cute and smiled lightly. "That's actually why I'm here, to try and find a useful book."

"Oh, I can help you!" He offered, his attention turning back to the shelves.

"It's okay, you don't need to."

"No no, I probably creeped you out by staring like that, this is the least I could do."

"Most guys would offer to take someone out, not find a book." You mused.

"I mean...I can do that too...if you want?" He looked at you nervously. You nodded and his dimples grew deep as he smiled brightly. "Let's find you that book!" His head turned back to the titles to search with a new found enthusiasm. You smiled fondly as you watched him. You thought he was so cute.

Seokjin (Jin) Another trip to the supermarket to stock up on the food the rest of his band had consumed much quicker than he had anticipated.

You were staring at the list in your hand and the bottles on the shelf when Jin entered the aisle. His steps slowed until he stopped and admired your features pulled together in concentration. His eyes travelled over your form, appreciating your beauty, even in jeans and a loose hoody with messy hair. Jin's attention fell to your trolley, his lips curling into an amused smile at the bulk buying you were doing.

"I know how you feel." He spoke before he registered his mouth opening. You turned your head surprised, not having heard anyone join you in the aisle. Jin was leaning forward onto the handlebar of his trolley when you looked at him. The moment your orbs met his, his throat grew dry and nerves rocketed through his body. You were much more attractive than he first thought and suddenly he wished he hadn't spoken.

"Hm?" You hummed, realising he had indeed talked to you.

"Uh, I uh live with a lot of people too. I have to bulk buy." He motioned to the bulk items in his trolley and your eyes followed the motion. He watched your lips move as you silently repeated his words, trying to fully understand them, but he had no idea what you were miming. "Are you looking for something in particular? I come to this store a lot so I know where almost everything is." Carefully, he approached you, parking his trolley next to yours. You looked up at him and he wordlessly motioned to the list in your hands. Understanding washed over you and you showed him the list. "Oh, this is...this is English." He muttered. "Do you speak Korean?" He asked in English softly.

"Very little." You replied with a sheepish grin. His heart thumped.

"I'm Jin." he held his hand out which you took.

"Y/N."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too."

"I'll try to help." Your grateful smile spoke more than your words could and Jin didn't mind that there was a language barrier. Your smile was enough for him.

Taehyung (V) Taehyung was taking Yeontan for a walk when he first saw you. You were crouched in front of a small dog, much like his own, with a serious expression on your features. You were having a serious discussion with the dog, well you were talking and the dog was just staring at you confused. Taehyung couldn't help but giggle at the sight. It was certainly amusing. But otherwise, he didn't really pay you much attention, he had a schedule to keep to and couldn't afford to be sidetracked by a stranger, no matter how angelic they looked in the early morning sunlight.

Every morning Taehyung started to notice you appearing with that same dog, doing the same thing and he wondered if maybe he was stuck in a drama where he lived certain aspects of his life repeatedly.

Day fifteen was enough for Taehyung and without warning, he crouched down beside you. You looked at him, a pout on your features. He chuckled and your lips lifted into a smile.

"I'm Taehyung." He greeted.

"Y/N." You responded with a firm nod of greeting.

"This is Yeontan." He motioned to the dog in his arms.

"Didi." You pointed to the dog sat in front of you. Taehyung only then noticed that there was no leash connecting the dog to you.

"What is wrong? I see you doing this every day."

"Didi won't...hmm play." You answered, thinking carefully about your words. Taehyung noticed your accent and difficulty coming up with the correct word. But, he wasn't at all bothered. He often couldn't find the right word so understood foreigners more than his bandmates when they spoke broken Korean.

"Ah, let them play together." Taehyung placed down Yeontan who immediately scuttled over to Didi to sniff curiously. Didi's interest was piqued and he turned to sniff back at Yeontan.

Taehyung turned his attention to see your features were lit up with joy at the sight of Didi interacting with another dog.

"Ah, thank you!" You beamed, looking at Taehyung. He couldn't help but smile widely back at you. You took in his boxy smile and leant your chin on your palm to admire him. He didn't mind your stare, he was doing the same to you after all. "I have toys!" You suddenly announced in English, pulling your bag off your shoulder to pull out a ball. "Maybe Didi will play is Yeontan plays too!" You thought aloud. "Is that okay?" you looked at Taehyung who was smiling dopily at your cute excitement. "Taehyung?"

"Huh?"

"Can they play ball together?" You wiggled the ball in your hand to gain his attention.

"Oh!" He reached over and unclipped the leash from Yeontan's collar.

The four of you spent an hour in the park together before going your separate ways. Taehyung was scolded when he returned home for being almost 20 minutes late but he decided it was worth it to spend time with you.

It became routine for you two to meet with your dogs every morning to let them play and you two talk. When Taehyung was away, he would leave Yeontan with you and Didi and soon the two dogs grew inseparable. So much so that Taehyung started to spend most of his free time at your apartment.

It came as a surprise to literally no-one when you started dating and Taehyung moved in only a week later.

Yoongi (Suga) He first saw you in his regular coffee shop. He went into the store so often that he knew all the staff and regulars, at least by face. Of course, Yoongi didn't talk to them but it didn't mean he didn't notice them. The first day he saw you, he noticed your cute, shy little smile as the barista handed you your coffee and the side of his mouth twitched up into a small smile under his face mask. You were cute. Once you retrieved your order, you headed to the door, passing Yoongi on the way. Feeling eyes on you, you looked up and met his gaze. Your cheeks flushed pink at the attention and you offered a shy, polite smile before turning your head down to leave. Yoongi's heart fluttered in his chest. Yoongi found himself returning to the store the next day at the same time with hopes of seeing you. You were there, picking up your drink again and he smiled under his mask.

It went on like this for almost two straight weeks before he decided to ignore his worries and step up to bat. He was at the store earlier that day purposely.

When you arrived, he had just stepped outside.

"Oh! You're here!" He smiled, extending his right hand which held your usual drink order. You tilted your head at him curiously. "I uh, thought if I bought you your drink and had it ready, it'd give us a few minutes to talk before you had to leave." He explained.

"Mine?" you asked carefully, pointing to the cup. He nodded and you smiled, accepting the drink. "Thank you."

"It's okay. So I see you here a lot and thought it'd time I gain the courage to talk to you." He laughed nervously and you only stared confused. He stepped aside when the door opened behind him so he wasn't blocking the entrance. You moved over to him. "Can't you understand me?" Cautiously, he lifted his hand to remove his face mask. "Can you understand me better now?"

"Sorry, uh..no...Korean speak well." You replied, thinking carefully to pick your words.

"You don't speak Korean?" You shook your head. "Oh..." He chewed on his bottom lip awkwardly. "Uh, English?" He asked in the language. You nodded and smiled. "I know...little English." You smiled wider at his cute pronunciation.

"We can help each other." You suggested in English. "You teach me Korean and I'll teach you English."

"Oh." His features lit up realising you were suggesting more time together.

"Deal?" You held your hand out. He took it instantly.

"Deal."

I think this is the longest reaction post I have written, I apologise for the length, I got carried away ~ Chee

Masterlist

[lxveille]

compatibility

jun x reader

word count: ~ 3900 a/n: part of my three-day-weekend writing challenge/goal; speculative (/absurd) fiction of a post-potential-extinction-event society; warnings for some sex talk but no actual sex depicted

The pandemic had been your grandparents’ lifetime. Your parents were the fearful generation who grew up being told our species may never recover sustainable population numbers. Your generation is seeing the rise of the TruvNé, a biological and reproductive research company whose mission statement is to “help build healthier, tenable generations of human life.”

“You’re getting junk mail from them too?” Jeongyeon comments with clear exasperation when she spots the yellow and white striped envelope coming out of your mailbox. “I swear if I get one more letter from them about what great idea it is to do one their scans, I’m going to seriously consider setting fire to their nearest clinic.”

“There’s a number you can call to get taken off their mailing list, you know,” you tell her with a roll of your eyes as you tuck the envelope underneath a plainer looking one. You start up the steps from your mailroom to your apartment and decide now is as good a time as any to tell your friend the truth. “Besides, this one actually isn’t junk mail.”

“You’re kidding.” You can tell Jeongyeon has stopped following you without having to look back. “You actually did one of their creepy scans? When was this?”

“I don’t know, a month or so ago?” You answer, tapping your stack of mail against the handrail of the stairs as you run to look back at her. “And it wasn’t creepy. They mostly just asked a lot of questions and took some bio samples.”

“Why are you being so casual about this? You’ve basically agreed to let a whole company harass you about having kids. Don’t we get enough of that from our families already?” Jeongyeon gives a wide gesture with both hands as if pointing out the vast array of nagging comments both you were quite familiar with. 

You sigh in surrender. “They pay you if you agree to do the scan and the options consultation if they find anyone compatible in their database,” you tell her, “And I was not gonna make rent last month without some kind of boost.”

“What the hell is an options consultation?” Jeonyeong crosses her arms, still scowling as if you’d done something to personally offend her.

Perhaps it wasn’t entirely uncalled for. After all, the two of you had just been at lunch with several friends, and when the topic of TruvNé’s latest ad campaign came up, you had been right there along with them trash talking the overdramatic nature of it. (Participant or not, even you could agree that the bold, red font and the deep-voiced narrator reading about how human beings are still on the endangered list was a bit much.)

“Can we please just get to my place to carry on this conversation?”

This time Jeongyeon is the one to roll her eyes. She trudges after you nevertheless.

You can only really tell her as much as the nurse told you at your appointment. That the consultations are where they introduce you to whoever they found who, genetically speaking, has a ninety-six or higher percent chance of creating an optimally healthy baby with you. And that they may not even have such a match for you yet.

“What are you gonna do if they say they do have some guy for you?” Jeongyeon questions, glancing pointedly towards the pile of mail on your table.

“I don’t know. It’s not like it has to change anything about my life. One option is to donate to some couple that’s found out the residual virus has left them incompatible to conceive with each other.”

“You sound exactly like one of their ads right now, you know?” she deadpans.

“Only because it’s true,” you decide to rely upon.

“So when are you going to open the damn things and find out if you have to go talk about ‘options’?”

“Probably when you’re not here to be all judgemental about it,” you tell her flatly.

“I just think at our age we should be exploring the world and figuring ourselves out! Not worrying about some made up reproductive responsibility to the world.”

“Jeongyeon, I promise, you’ll be the first person I tell if I decide to do anything with whatever options they give me. If they even have options for me.”

Honestly speaking, you’d been expecting an apologetic letter saying there’s currently no certain match for you. Your parents had considerable trouble even having you. You had assumed from that much that you would be in a similar position of being one of those who carried latent proviruses that made conception even more difficult than it already was.

So when your letter begins with ‘congratulations’ and details how you need to log in to their online system to arrange your consultation appointment, you’re at a loss for words.

The only reasonable thing you can think to do is text Jeongyeon.

          [sent 14:23] so turns out they do have a match for me...

You sit at your table with the opened envelope and the crisp, stock-paper letter pushed to the side as you wait for a response from her.

           [received 14:25] you could always not go            [received 14:25] they cant force you to do anything right?

          [sent 14:27] no, but i don’t get the bigger half of the payout if i don’t at least go to the consultation

          [received 14:31] then go. just tell whoever it is youre not looking to actually make a baby right now and leave!!

You think of telling her about how the letter from TruvNé includes details about financial rewards for taking action after the consultation as well. But you have a feeling she’ll try to talk you out of it altogether if you include that.

The appointment ends up being confirmed for two weeks later, on a Tuesday afternoon. Jeongyeon doesn’t keep the information to herself, so you’ve begun fielding questions from your entire friend group now. Seulgi is the first to come up with the hypothetical of what you’ll do if your match is anyone you already know. You dismiss the notion is as absurd, insisting it’s highly unlikely. Hyerin latches onto the idea nevertheless and argues that the quick turnover between results and appointment must mean the mystery man is local.

Nervousness doesn’t actually hit you until you’re at the TruvNé clinic’s doorstep. You sign in with curious glances at the others sitting in the waiting room. The secretary smiles at you with a clipboard in hand when she calls your name to escort you to the consultation.

The room feels more like a therapist’s office than a doctor’s office. The walls are painted a light blue, and while the doctor sits in a professional looking dark-wood chair, you’re encouraged to take a seat on one of the well-cushioned armchairs. You wonder vaguely if there’s some psychological reason why the company abandoned their otherwise sterile, more traditionally medical appearance for this room.

“How are you feeling?” the doctor asks you, and you aren’t certain if it’s simply out of politeness or if she has some professional reason for asking.

“Okay, I guess,” you answer, glancing towards the door, “I thought I was going to be meeting...”

“We will be. Our experience is that these meetings go best when we check in with both parties as individuals before discussing options.”

“Right.” It doesn’t make much sense to you. You just want to get this obligation over with and collect the money they’re offering in exchange for hearing them out. “So... What do you need to know?”

“Have you read over the information we provided about the options that you have if you choose to move forward with the TruvNé process?” The doctor asks, smiling despite the gravity in her tone. You nod and answer that you have. “And which options seem most appealing to you at the moment?”

None, is the first answer comes to mind. It’s the answer your friends drafted for you. “I guess the donation option,” you tell her instead, shifting in the soft seat with some anxiety, “As a one-time kind of thing.”

“I see,” she nods, lips an indiscernible line. “You’re aware TruvNé offers its greatest financial reward for pairs that pursue a reproductive relationship?”

“Yeah, I saw that,” you reply, discomfort creeping up the back of your neck, “I’m not really sure what that means.”

“It can mean different things depending on the individuals involved,” the doctor answers, which does little to help. She leans forward in her chair some, putting on a soft expression you imagine is meant to be reassuring. "Some frame it simply as regular donations and utilize our services to do so without interrupting their lifestyles. Others handle it amongst themselves, drawing a distinction between romantic and reproductive partners and determining custody of their offspring separately. And some even find romantic compatibility with their matches."

“That sounds,” you pause, searching for a better word than weird, “...Kind of unconventional.”

“Humanity has gone through a lot of norms, you know,” the doctor almost laughs, “At one point in time, love marriages were unconventional. And only several generations back, our ancestors went from thinking it was weird to meet a significant other online to it being the primary way couples met. It’s always unconventional to be at the forefront of new ways. But again, you’re under no obligation to take any further options if you’re not comfortable with them.”

The doctor goes over a few other details before asking if you're ready to meet your match. When you agree, she picks up the telephone on her desk and calls to some other office to ask if he is ready as well. Next thing you know, you're walking down the hallway to another one of the consultation rooms.

You nearly turn to run when you recognize the man sitting in the armchair of this room.

"We'll give the two of you time to make introductions and discuss options privately," his doctor explains, "This is the buzzer you should use to notify us when you're ready to discuss your decisions."

You nod and stare after the doctors as they leave the room.

"So..." you begin slowly, turning to look over your match, "How's Mingyu?" Asking after your ex is the only thing you know how to do with Wen Junhui.

"He's good," he answers just as awkwardly, "He's been dating someone for about seven months now."

"Awesome," you reply dryly, not really caring all that much about Mingyu's love life ever since the messy breakup.

"So..." he repeats your earlier buffer, "TruvNé, huh?"

"Yup." You nod meaninglessly and glance around at the minimal decor of the room. "I'm just looking to get paid," you tell him hurriedly.

"Yeah, obviously, um... same," Junhui confirms, nodding with a bit more vigor than the moment called for.

"Okay," you extend the syllable, stalling for time as your process your circumstances, "Well, we could -- I mean -- it wouldn't be that big of a deal to donate. We wouldn't even have to see each other again after this. They just, you know, take what they need and..." You give a stirring motion with one hand as you fail to find an eloquent way to word it.

"True," he nods.

Neither of you says anything more for several seconds. They end up feeling like an eternity with the way the two of you are avoiding making eye contact.

"Here's the thing," Junhui starts again suddenly, leaning forward in his chair some and speaking only just above a whisper. You furrow your brow immediately at his sudden shift to a secretive manner of speaking. "If we... tell them we want to pursue a relationship, we could get paid way more. And... how are they gonna know if we actually try or not?"

"Are you suggesting we try to scam them into giving us money?"

"That, uh -- well -- I wouldn't put it like that," he stammers, clearly still flustered by this whole ordeal. Although you're beginning to sense this has been his plan all along regardless of who his match was. “It was just a suggestion, I get it if you don’t wanna bother, I mean...” he starts to ramble in what sounds to be a mix of panic and regret.

"I’m in,” you interrupt him to say. “Let’s do it.”

The doctors are delighted by your choice and take several more minutes to walk you through the paperwork together.

“Now, we won’t be able to pay your first installment until we get registered confirmation of your first attempt at conception,” one tells you matter-of-factly.

“Sorry, what?” you speak up, shooting Junhui a nervous glare before smiling back at the doctors.

The other doctor nods and pushes too small, silver and yellow boxes across the table to each of you. She explains how the sensors inside work to measure vitals and check bioIDs. The two of you are assured that it is easy and noninvasive -- just put them on prior to intercourse and the attempt will automatically be registered with Truvné’s system. “We do have rooms available at the clinic if you’re looking to receiving payment immediately.”

“I think we want to get to know each other a bit better first,” you reply quickly.

“Yeah, definitely,” chimes in Junhui, sounding just as anxious as you feel.

The doctors are very understanding.

You don’t start yelling at Junhui until the two of you are out on the sidewalk, safely away from the ears and eyes of the TruvNé staff.

“I cannot believe I let you talk me into this dumb idea! ‘How will they know?’” You paraphrase him bitterly, “God, of course I should’ve known they’d have some proof program in place! What the hell are we going to do? Huh? This was your great plan, right?”

“It actually wasn’t my idea,” Junhui admits quietly, “I swear I had no idea about these sensor things.”

You groan. “Alright, which one of Mingyu’s smartass friends thought up this mess then?”

“Jeonghan.”

You nearly scream. Instead, you let out a hiss of a sigh and run a hand through your hair in frustration. “Honestly, I should’ve known.”

It’s decided that both of you need more time to process this whole ordeal. You exchange numbers and promise to get in touch once you’re ready to sort this out.

As soon as Junhui is out of sight, you’re texting your group chat. It takes several repetitions of the facts for all of them to believe you when you say your match turned out to be one of your ex’s friends. Seulgi, of course, is taking a strange sort of pride in the fact her theory turned out correct.

But the teasings stops when you tell them about the deal you’d made and the utter loss you’re at as to how to fake a relationship when there’s sensors literally made to ensure it isn’t.

An emergency happy hour meeting is called for.

“Now, Junhui was the one who just smiled politely and mostly just murmured to his friends when we all hung out that one time, right?” Hyerin clarifies as she sets down her drink. 

You nod dismally at the description.

“What if one of you handed the sensor off to the other and put it on someone you actually want to sleep with?” Seulgi suggests.

“Except TruvNé has all our genetic data and the sensors use bioIDs,” you shoot down her idea with another sip from your glass.

“Can we agree with the creepy part of this whole thing now?” Jeongyeon insists, giving you a firm look. There are a few mutters of agreement around the table. You sigh and shrug in defeat. “They haven’t paid you anything for the relationships yet, right? So why don’t you just back out?”

“I think there’s a cancellation fee once you’ve actually signed papers.”

“That’s bullshit! What happened to all their ‘no obligations’ stuff?” exclaims Jeongyeon.

“I mean, that was technically before I signed a contract saying I’d try.”

“Now, would the sensors detect if there’s a condom on?”

“Hyerin! You are not suggesting she actually has sex with him, are you?”

“It could be worse!” she defends herself in the face of Jeongyeon’s suddenly soured look. “Mingyu was a mess in bed, right? Maybe his friend will be better. It has been a while since you actually got laid, hasn’t it?”

“First of all -- let’s not bring Mingyu into this, please?” You press your fingertips into your temple. “Second, I have no idea about the condom thing but it seems like something they would’ve accounted for.”

Seulgi hums and raises one hand, mouth too full with wine for her to voice her idea yet. The three of you look at expectantly as she swallows. “What about pulling out?”

“That’s not an effective method of birth control!”

“Wait -- but if he is anything like Mingyu than he’ll only get off on oral anyway, right?” Hyerin promptly goes back to bringing your ex into this conversation, making you slump forward in your seat.

“I think I’m just gonna evaporate instead,” you mutter, “That’s starting to feel like the only viable options.”

“Wait! Let’s just approach this rationally,” Seulgi proposes urgently, placing a hand on your shoulder. You swear you hear Jeonghyeon say something under her breath, but you don’t bother putting in any effort to make it out. “Just, logically speaking, what are your options? Are you willing to pay the fee for breaking your contract off early?”

“I have no money.” You lift your head to look at Seulgi. “That’s the whole reason I went to TruvNé to begin with.”

“So what options does that leave?”

         [sent 21:18] okay, Junhui. We need to talk.

You meet at a café on Friday afternoon and quickly realize neither of you are comfortable with the possibility of a barista listening in on this conversation. With coffee cups in hand, you relocate to a park bench.

“I’m not ready to take a financial loss on this,” you open with.

“Me neither. So what are we going to do about the sensors?”

“I looked a bit into how they function and I think we can trick them if we both, um...” You lose steam as the details come up, “If we both do our own thing at the same time, in a close enough location that the location services won’t pick up anything suspicious.”

Junhui blinks at you from over the rim of his cup. “You mean like, masturbating together?”

“Yeah but I don’t wanna look at you when it’s happening.”

“Okay,” he glances away from you as if it were occurring then and there.

“The other thing is, I’m not entirely sure how many details the sensor is gonna be registering on my end but, we can’t risk messing up the details. So, I’m gonna need some details from you about... sizing.”

You have never seen someone turn red quite as quickly and brightly as Junhui in that moment.

“Is that really necessary?” he asks in a nervous pitch higher than he usually speaks.

“Do you want us to get sued for trying to swindle a company?”

“It’s not like I know the exact numbers off the top of my head!” Junhui says as emphatically as he can without raising his voice above a whisper.

“Then go home and deal with it and message me them!” you insist, “It’s not like I’m raring to find out, you know. You can blame Jeonghan for this whole thing.”

Junhui runs his free hand through his hair and sighs. “Okay, don’t -- don’t yell about it,” he urges you quietly.

One week later, you show up at Junhui’s apartment with a purse full of contents you’d be mortified to show anyone at all.

“This should work,” you agree with him as the two of you look over the space between his bedroom and the attached bathroom. “So we’ll... deal with the sensors separately, and you can just give me a shout once you’ve come and we’ll be done here.”

Junhui looks you over nervously. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“I don’t know. I mean -- are you gonna...?”

You look away from him and place a hand over your eyes. “I don’t think anyone in the history of babymaking has ever cared about if the woman orgasms.”

“I’d feel better if you did,” Junhui says.

“I’ll do my best,” you try to sound sarcastic, but the heat rising in the apples of your cheeks is making it difficult to pull off.

After Junhui has climaxed (louder than you’d anticipated; the bathroom door not quite muffling as much as you hoped), you give him several minutes to clean up before unlocking the bathroom door.

“Are we bad people?” Junhui asks as your phones ding with a notification from the TruvNé app. Successful registration of an attempt at conception.

“We’re slightly less broke people, Jun,” you tell him simply.

On your walk home, you wonder when exactly you decided to start calling him by a nickname.

The next question the two of you are faced with is this: exactly how many times can you get away with this fake-intercourse before the TruvNé doctors suspect something must be wrong?

Both you decide it’s a bridge you’ll cross when you get to it.

It’s during dinner with your friends after the fifth ‘session’ -- as you and Jun have come to call them -- that you find yourself making a strange admission.

“Honestly, it’s kind of... nice?” you cave into answering their relentless questions about what the whole experience is like. “It was really awkward the first couple times, but now it’s like... kind of a low-pressure way to get off.”

“You realize you could get that same effect by masturbating without Junhui in the next room over?” Jeongyeon comments with a questioning sort of chuckle.

“Yeah, but it’s kind of more exhilarating than that,” you confess, face flushed.

“This is starting to sound like some kind of kink,” Hyerin observes.

You roll your eyes and take another bite of your meal. “Whatever. My only kink is being able to actually pay my rent.”

It would be easier to believe if not for the reaction you have to Jun’s question when you next show up at his place to register another fake copulation.

“I just was thinking...” he started, looking antsy over whatever he’s leading up to with fingers toying with the ends of his sleeves. “What if we -- well -- what if you stayed in the bedroom?”

You understand his implication immediately. Still, you fake obliviousness and ask, “You want to use the bathroom?”

A part of you is mad at yourself for finding the deepening of the blush on his skin attractive.

“N-Not exactly,” he stutters, clearly about to backpedal, “It was just an idea. It was dumb, I know. Don't worry, it’s not like we have to --”

“No -- hey, Jun, listen.” Here you hesitate, knowing you probably ought to take more time to think this one over. But something more deeply seeded inside of you has already decided upon the answer. “I’m in.”

[thegirlwhocriedfandoms]

Why is kpop so special to me?

Why is kpop so special to me? It's been 8 years since I've become a kpop fan. Way back year 2009, where everyone thinks you're odd because you like kpop. People will call you an addict, weird, crazy, delusional, and many other harsh words you couldn't imagine. They'll call your faves gay, because they wore make up and extravagant clothes. As a 10 year old that time, I'm easily hurt and offended by that. I know I've been immature at that time because I'll really fight anyone who says anything bad about my faves. My mindset at that time is that, it's okay to call me a freak or a weirdo or delusional, but Never ever say anything bad about my faves. It's funny to reminisce the times when I joined fanwars. Those immature days that I've had. But as I grew older in age and as a kpop fan, I realized a lot of things. There are times that people asks me "bakit ba gustong gusto mo yang mga koreanong iyan? Hindi mo naman sila naiintindihan. Di ka naman kilala ng n mga iyan." (Why do you like those koreans so much? You don't even understand them. They doesn't even know you.) And sometimes I ask myself, "Bakit ko nga ba gusto ang kpop?" (Why do I like kpop?) I always tell them that it's because of their catchy music, woderful fashion sense, and screaming visuals. Which is really true. But what I realized is that it's beyond that. Some people find healing through ballad songs, OPM, Classic, Rock, Raps, R&b, and many other genres of music. But it's Kpop that heals me. I don't even understand the lyrics but I can feel the connection. It makes me calm whenever I'm having breakdowns. It affects my mood. Especially if I'm out and suddenly I'll hear a kpop song randomly playing somewhere, it excites me. But like what I've said, It's way more beyond their catchy music, woderful fashion sense, and screaming visuals. but it's also the artists itself. First, I love their passion and dedication. After watching Produce 101 Season 2, it opened my eyes. Now I understand why I really love them. It's their passion. Their hardwork to achieve their dreams. Their love for what they're doing. Their dedication to reach where they are right now. Honestly, before, I am that kind of fan who's really annoyed when there are new groups debuting because there are so many kpop groups emerging lately that are always using the same concepts. For the past 8 years, my perspective changed and after observing them for a very long time, it made me see the things clearer and wider. It's not easy to become a kpop idol. You have to train hard, work hard. You have to make sacrifices. Just to pursue your dreams. You'll be training for so many years without the certainty of debuting. It's physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. But they'll endure it just to be an idol. And that's why I appreciated kpop idols even more. Rookie or legends. All of them deserves to be gamous, all of them deserves to debut. Second, I realized how ugly the Korean entertainment industry is. That it is not like what we see on tv, and online. It's cruel, ugly, sickening, and disgusting. It's hard to find a company who really cares about the trainees and artists. It's really rare. It's always all about the money. There are so many abuses and maltreatment. Slave contracts, sexual harrassments, mismanagement, unfair treatment, companies who doesn't give their artist's rightful income, harsh manipulations. These are just some of the cruelties in the Korean entertainment industry. The big entertainment and broadcasting conpanies can bully anyone who threatens or diss them. They can ruin your career by manipulating the media. Korean Artists are also often used to block the corruption in the government. If there are big issues, the media will release rumors and issues so that the public's attention will shift. And it may ruin the artists image like what happened to 2ne1's Park Bom. She was accused of using drugs. It was all over the news, and it ruined her career. It was used to block the public's attention to the sewol incident. Same as Exo's Baekhyun and SNSD's Taeyeon's relationship. It was revealed to the public so that their attentions will shift from the sewol incident to the issue. There are also companies who abuses their artists. They're not giving them their incomes rightfully, slave contracts, mismanagement, and the worst, there's this company (I forgot what it is, but it's small) that was said to be sexually harassing their female artists/trainees and if they refuse, the company will not produce their albums and they'll not be funded and promoted by the company. These are just some of the few cruelties of the entertainment industry. Third, I am amazed on how the artists endure all the sasaeng fans just for their dreams. Sasaeng fans are the worst fans in the world. They're the obssessed fans. To the fact that they'll be following their faves anywhere they go (you'll be shocked to know that there are sasaeng taxis who sasaeng fans rent to follow their idols and if they run out of money, they're willing to use their bodies instead to pay for the fare. You know what I mean), they'll be creeping inside their faves dorm, stealing things, hacking their phones and accounts, poisoning them, leaving sanitary napkins with blood on it inside their faves dorm, asking for their faves' sperm cells, hurting their faves (these fans are often the reason why the artists experience car crashes because these fans keeps on following the artist's vans). These are just SOME of their obssessive activities. It's unbelievable and disgusting but yes, it is happening. And it's worst than what you think. (If you want to know how extreme these fans could go, you can look at the web. Search "tvxq sasaeng fans" or "sasaeng fans activities" or "exo sasaeng fans" and you'll be very shocked) The fact that these Idols are enduring these for the sake of their dreams and passions, I am so amazed. Because If I were on their shoes and these happened to me, I'll just give up and leave. But they didn't. Fourth, Their fan service. This is what I loved about Super Junior, Infinite, Nu'est, and Sechskies. Unlike other groups that I stanned, their fan service can't be compared to other groups. Their love and gratefulness for their fans are unexplainable. Ugh. I don't even know how to explain this because their overflowing love for their fans are undescribable. It's self explanatory for fans who are in a fandom. Fifth, their talents are legit. They trained to gain skills, or sometimes they're just born with it. But no one can't deny the fact that Kpop Idols are not talented. Even if you're a hater that always say that they don't have talent. I know that deep inside that they're amazing and you're just envious to them (Haha!) Unlike here in the Philippines, Anyone can release an album as long as you're famous even if you don't have the talent to sing. Sixth, their visuals. Yes when you're new, the first thing that you'll notice is their face but when you get to know them more, it'll be much more than their visuals. In my case, yes I sometimes do look on visuals but If I started stanning someone just because of their visuals, It doesn't last long. But if you're a vocal, regardless of the appearance, I'll definitely stan you. (And also variety skills and humor is a big plus too!) People will say that "Retokada naman iyang mga iyan" (They did plastic surgery anyway) but It's normal to them. And just because plastic surgery is known in Korea, doesn't mean that all of them did plastic suregry. And Lastly, I realized that Kpop has become a part of me. I am not Tintin without kpop. It's planted inside my heart already. 8 years. 8 long freakin' years of ups and downs, of people's criticisms, of people making fun of me being a kpop fan. People may call me delusional, weird, crazy, or a freak. It's okay. I don't care. I've been immuned to it. Kpop makes me happy. It's the only thing that makes me genuinely happy these past few years. It saved me. It saves me. It heals me. You guys may not understand it especially if you're not a fan of any kind but the impact that my faves gave me is much more than what you think. It's more than what you think. I love them so much to the extent that I'll protect them with all my heart. Why? Because their music protected and saved me when I almost pulled the trigger inside me. They're my only companion. Not physically though, but through their music. If I'm feeling really sad, or if I'm having a mental breakdown, their voices soothes my soul and heart. When I'm happy and excited I also listen to kpop because it makes me even more happier. Like what I've read, Music can save lives. Regardless of the fact that you can't understand it. It's the emotion that connects us. Because music has no language barriers. That's why we cannot judge the fans in general. We never know what these fans are enduring. We never know that their faves and fandoms are the only ones that keeps them alive and happy.

[the-punforgiven]

ALL 200

WELL, ALRIGHTY THEN, LET’S GET STARTED

200: My crush’s name is: I’m not sure honestly, I’m kinda not really into anyone super seriously right now. Like I’ve got a few people I think I might have crushes on, but no one I’m certain I do, if that makes sense199: I was born in: A hospital198: I am really: Fuckin dumb197: My cellphone company is: I can’t remember off the top of my head196: My eye color is: Some weird green/brown195: My shoe size is: Too fuckin big I’ve gotta order shoes off the internet194: My ring size is: Honestly? I don’t know, I’ve worn like two rings ever193: My height is: 6′2192: I am allergic to: A very specific brand of hot dogs and a couple types of smoke191: My 1st car was: Well, we’ll see when I get one190: My 1st job was: A Dishwasher, unless you count the middle-school paper route189: Last book you read: Lisa Peschel’s The Runes188: My bed is: A loud-ass-fucking steel bunk bed that I swear is gonna give me a concussion someday187: My pet: Is a cat, her name is Groucho and she’s very shy but I love her186: My best friend: I can’t pick a favourite person, I’m sorry185: My favorite shampoo is: Whatever makes my hair flow majestically like a fuckin power metal album, I haven’t found a brand I prefer though184: Xbox or ps3: I don’t actually use either, but PS3′s got some better exclusives I’d say183: Piggy banks are: A thing? I dunno182: In my pockets: My wallet, phone, some papers, and a pendant with no chain181: On my calendar: I.. I don’t presently own one180: Marriage is: Something I rarely think about, sorry179: Spongebob can: Stop airing completely and I genuinely wouldn’t care178: My mom: is a great person and I wish her nothing but the best177: The last three songs I bought were? I dunno whatever the last three songs on Amon Amarth’s Jomsviking album are176: Last YouTube video watched: This one (Or at least that’s what I’m presently watching, the one before that was This175: How many cousins do you have? Too many. (7? I think??)174: Do you have any siblings? Yeah dude I’ve got like 5173: Are your parents divorced? They were never married, they can’t get divorced172: Are you taller than your mom? Yeah171: Do you play an instrument? Yes! I can play the guitar and the piano, and I’m hoping to learn more instruments just as soon as I can get ahold of them170: What did you do yesterday? Hung out with a friend of mine, spent the night, played some videogames, talked about superpowers. The usual I guess[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Maybe?168: Luck: Yes167: Fate: Yeah?166: Yourself: if I believe in myself to fuckin fail at everything yeah165: Aliens: Yes. I mean, the universe is so insanely fuckin massive, it’s honestly fucking terrifying to think that this is the only planet out there with life, you know?164: Heaven: Maybe?163: Hell: Maybe?162: God: I dunno161: Horoscopes: Kinda?160: Soul mates: Yeah?159: Ghosts: Yes158: Gay Marriage: Yes157: War: I’m not quite sure what this is supposed to mean, sorry?156: Orbs: ???155: Magic: Kinda, yeah[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: I prefer kisses, but I hug people way more153: Drunk or High: N/A152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Black Haired150: Blondes or Brunettes: Depends on the blonde. Like, platinum blonde hellyeah, but buy-and-large, brunettes, I guess?149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter, seriously a full moon on a clear winter’s night with freshly fallen snow is alone more fuckin beautiful than most of the shit summer can muster in my opinion, and also there’s less chance of me fucking burning to death, which is always a plus147: Autumn or Spring: Spring, rain is good, and spring has the most rain I think?146: Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate145: Night or Day: Night, for the sheer virtue of not getting sunburns, and the fact that a full moon is so fuckin pretty dude144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: How curly we talkin? Like, wavy is my favourite, but that’s kind of middle ground. I dunno, they can both look really good, I guess142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds, though that comes with the qualifier that the only Burger King I have ever visited gave me food poisoning141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: No Dark Chocolate? What the fuck??? Nah, aside from Dark Chocolate being the best kind without debate, I still prefer Milk Chocolate to that White Chocolate filth. It’s not even real chocolate and it tastes like ass140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: High heals, huh? Honestly, no preference138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: honestly I’m ugly and poor and I’d honestly prefer enough money to shower my friends in the wealth an happiness they deserve over a slightly-less-disgusting face137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke136: Hillary or Obama: I’m not gonna pretend I know enough about American politics to answer this one135: Burried or cremated: I mean, both, kinda?134: Singing or Dancing: I can’t do either, but I sing a lot more than I dance133: Coach or Chanel: I’m sorry, this question doesn’t make any sense to me?132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Who and who?131: Small town or Big city: Small town, I get this really weird panic in big cities130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller, I guess?128: Manicure or Pedicure: I.. I don’t remember the difference?127: East Coast or West Coast: Is this referring to where I live, or?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: I would say Christmas since I love giving gifts as much if not more than getting them, but I can rarely actually afford gifts and I always feel like absolute shit for not getting anyone anything, so I guess I’ll go with my birthday?125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate. Flowers wilt, and that shit’s kinda really sad to me for no reason I can describe, sorry124: Disney or Six Flags: No preference123: Yankees or Red Sox: No preference[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: I’d prefer if it never happened, but that seems depressingly unrealistic121: George Bush: I don’t know enough about him to feel confident about forming an opinion120: Gay Marriage: Why isn’t it allowed everywhere yet, like actually what the fuck119: The presidential election: There is no combination of letters possibly capable of describing the twisting in my stomach that comes with thinking about that event.118: Abortion: Honesty it’s really not my place to say, like, I’m almost literally the least qualified person to talk about this117: MySpace: I vaguely remember it, rest in peace you dead service you…116: Reality TV: Not my cup of tea, personally115: Parents: They’re… Necessary to the continuation of life and a common occurrence in nature? I’m pretty sure there isn’t really much alive that doesn’t have parents, how am I supposed to give my thoughts on a concept that widespread? Yeah, things have parents, and reproduction’s been around for millions of years, I guess114: Back stabbers: I’d appreciate it if I wasn’t stabbed in the back, thanks, I mean I’d appreciate if nobody was, but these things happen, I guess. Best we can do is to make sure not to do it ourselves and hope everyone returns the courtesy113: Ebay: I don’t use it, is it any good?112: Facebook: Bad. I mean I still use it, but it’s bad. Especially it video player, like actually what the fuck, Facebook put how much money into itself why is the fuckin video player still that bad???111: Work: Money is good110: My Neighbors: I dunno, I’ve never talked to them, Generally they seem ok though, though exceptions exist109: Gas Prices: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh108: Designer Clothes: Wear what you want, make what you want, I’m not gonna judge you for it107: College: I’d love to go there someday, shame it’s nearly inaccessible for me in my present situation (i.e. Dumb and Poor)106: Sports: Not my cup of tea105: My family: I mean, despite everything, I still love them, I guess?104: The future: I can only hope it’s long and wonderful, I hope the world can love in happiness and peace for the rest of time. I mean it’s not like that’s entirely possible, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: No idea102: Last time you ate: Just earlier, I’m doing good!101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: Also just earlier!100: Cried in front of someone: Uhhhhhhhh, back in like, grade eight at some point, I think? I’ve cried like twice within the last 7-8 years, give me a break99: Went to a movie theater: Back whenever Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was in them, I dunno98: Took a vacation: Like middle school, my dude97: Swam in a pool: Not sure. Not like, recently, but not as far back as the crying thing. Fuck honestly I don’t even remember when the last time I wore shorts was96: Changed a diaper: No idea95: Got my nails done: Like never. Maybe once, but I do not remember that day very well at all, so it might have been some weird fever dream94: Went to a wedding: A couple years ago, I think?93: Broke a bone: Never92: Got a peircing: Never91: Broke the law: No idea90: Texted: Earlier?[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: I dunno, I laugh a lot, and I can’t quite pin down who does it the most88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My instruments, honestly87: The last movie I saw: Harry Potter and the Big-Ass Cup? I don’t remember which one. I want to say The Goblet of Fire, but that seems too logical. The one with the hedge maze of death, I wasn’t really paying attention86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: Halloween!85: The thing im not looking forward to: Actually making a costume for Halloween!84: People call me: Weirdly nice things, it’s almost as if they haven’t met me or something83: The most difficult thing to do is: Stop time. I still haven’t figured it out82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: No, but I’ve also never driven, so take of that what you will81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo80: The first person i talked to today was: My mom79: First time you had a crush: Back in elementary school sometime. Remembering what I was like back in elementary school, it’s probably best I didn’t say anything to anyone about it78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my fuckin grandma, her presence alone is enough to force the truth out of you77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Earlier today, I guess?76: Right now I am talking to: You, Anon!75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Kick a few habits, hopefully? Maybe develop a few healthier coping mechanisms? I’m not gonna pretend I know what I’m doing with my life74: I have/will get a job: I fuckin hope so73: Tomorrow: I’m gonna hope it goes well, and probably try to get my rent situation sorted out. Chances are I’m gonna really want to do something with some friends and completely miss the opportunity for one reason or another, I seem to have made a habit of that recently72: Today: I’ve gotta try and get some fuckin sleep honestly. I’ve also gotta remember to take that pill lest my stomach attempt to dissolve my fuckin throat again71: Next Summer: I’m gonna set up my Air Conditioner at the fuckin start of it, like a fucking smart person70: Next Weekend: I’ve got no plans69: I have these pets: I have two cats, two dogs, and two birds, it’s a fuckin zoo in here. I mean technically only one of the cats are mine but whatever68: The worst sound in the world: My fuckin midrange, help67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Dude I’ve only cried like twice in reliable memory, only one of them was actually brought on by anyone, so that guy, I guess66: People that make you happy: There’s just way too many to say, but I’d say a great many of my mutuals, followers, and whoever’s been sending me anons, I love you guys, as well as my Discord pals, obviously, you guys rock65: Last time I cried: Season 2, Episode 2464: My friends are: th fuckin best63: My computer is: Not quite my whole life, but a very significant portion of it62: My School: I’m not in one presently, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯61: My Car: What car?60: I lose all respect for people who: Can openly condemn a person they don’t know anything about.59: The movie I cried at was: It, uh, wasn’t a movie, for one, and for two, I’ll take that secret to my fuckin grave58: Your hair color is: Red57: TV shows you watch: Honestly, I just really don’t have time for TV56: Favorite web site: I dunno, probably either this one or YouTube, I don’t do a lot on the internet, honestly55: Your dream vacation: Visiting festivals in Norway and Finland54: The worst pain I was ever in was: When I got an ungodly sunburn on my back. Now, that may sound weak but keep in mind I was like ten and I burn faster than your average tank of gasoline. Like, it didn’t even compare to the times I tore open my legs on rocks, including the one that got infected and the anaesthetic-free treatment for that, just to give an indication of how bad that fucking burn was. I’ve been literally on fire and that was more pleasant than that fucking sunburn somehow53: How do you like your steak cooked: I’m not big on steak, honestly52: My room is: My own. It’s a bit too hot, and it’s kinda small, but it’s mine and I’m very glad to have it51: My favorite celebrity is: Honestly? No clue.50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere with more food, I’m fuckin starving49: Do you want children: Maybe if I am ever able to competently raise some, but until then, no48: Ever been in love: Maybe? I don’t really know, as strange as that sounds47: Who’s your best friend: I’m not picking favourites46: More guy friends or girl friends: More guy, I think? I’m not gonna count them out, and I don’t know if most of the people I regard as friends really regard me as a friend in return, you know?45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Fuckin, Music, man! It’s just so fantastic, I love it44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My dad. He’s a swell guy, I miss him43: Do you have a 5 year plan: A what42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Not really? I’ve got some things I’d like to do, but the chances I’ll ever be able to actually do them are… Slim41: Have you pre-named your children: No40: Last person I got mad at: Not sure. I rarely even get frustrated with anyone, let alone mad39: I would like to move to: I dunno, I don’t really have anywhere I could see myself settling down38: I wish I was a professional: Animator, musician, metalworker, I dunno[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Dark Chocolate Kit Kats, I fuckin love those things so much36: Vehicle: That fuckin huge ass speaker truck from Fury Road that I really want to say is the Doof Wagon, but I don’t remember for sure35: President: Chip Zanuff34: State visited: The State of Bliss is a favourite of mine. I’ve anted to try visiting the state of intense meditation, but alas, no luck yet33: Cellphone provider: No Preference32: Athlete: Honestly I don’t know the names of like any, dude31: Actor: Sir Christopher Lee, may he rest in peace30: Actress: I fuckin forgot her name, it’s gonna bother me for the rest of the week but rest assured as soon as I remember it there’s gonna be an allcaps text post that’s just her name, I assure you29: Singer: Joakim Broeden, Nina Osegueda, Christopher Bowes, and Anna Murphy, presently28: Band: Arsis, Children of Bodom, A Sound of Thunder, Alestorm and Sister Sin27: Clothing store: The fuckin music store lmao26: Grocery store: No preference25: TV show: Metalocalypse24: Movie: Kung Fury23: Website: Wasn’t that asked above? I think a few of these were, actually22: Animal: Snow Tigers. They’re cute but large cats, but with added majesty21: Theme park: I’ve been to like one theme park in my life, I can’t really say20: Holiday: Halloween19: Sport to watch: Do the Armored Combat Leagues count? If so that18: Sport to play: See above answer17: Magazine: I don’t read magazines, sorry16: Book: I don’t have a favourite honestly15: Day of the week: Saturday, I guess?14: Beach: No idea13: Concert attended: I haven’t attended any, I don’t think. I might have been to one when I was in grade two, but that might have also been a weird fever dream, I’m not sure12: Thing to cook: Brownies and Cake! I just love to bake, honestly11: Food: Pizza and Pasta10: Restaurant: The Colander Restaurant. Literally the most amazing fucking spaghetti I have ever eaten in my entire fucking life. Seriously, it’s the best, go eat there9: Radio station: No preference8: Yankee candle scent: I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a yankee candle in real life, ever7: Perfume:Not a clue6: Flower: No idea5: Color: Red, Blue, Purple, Green, frankly I’d have a faster time listing off colours I don’t like/consider a favourite4: Talk show host: I don’t watch talk shows, sorry3: Comedian: No idea2: Dog breed: Samoyeds, they’re so cute I love them so much1: Did you answer all these truthfully? I’m allowed to lie??

[naliaarnold]

Digital Media in 2019

Welcome back to my blog, lovelies!~ As Tumblr dies out, and people cling on to its last dying flame, I am back with another school project to speak about:

D i g i t a l   M e d i a   i n   2 0 1 9

I’ll focusing on broadband, mobile evolution, social media being used for governance and politics (the good and bad sides).  At the end, I might even show a lil’ survey I did in my class for those who use Smartphones (if i get the chance, of course).

Now, let’s dive in!

The Modern Wonders Of Broadband

Before we can dive into this blog and talk about how it’s used nowadays, we must understand the core of this section of the conversation; what exactly is broadband?

Broadband is a high-capacity transmission technique using a wide range of frequencies, which enables a large number of messages to be communicated simultaneously.   Or in commoner terms, ‘a high speed connection to the internet.’

Today, broadband is mainly used for that sweet, sweet, high-speed, super sonic wifi.  It’s also used for Cable TV, but be honest; most people don’t exactly watch Cable anymore. . .do we?

But that’s besides the point, of course.

The only thing that I can truly see is that broadband is much better and faster than whatever that old dial-up internet was.

Different types of broadband

DSL

The DSL (or Digital Subscriber Line) internet service makes its connection by utilizing unused telephone wires that cause no interruption to your telephone service. 

The speed you experience with a DSL connection varies with your distance from the switching station.  Your speed will be slower the further away you are and faster the closer you are to the switching station and this may be a deciding factor when you attempt to select between a DSL line and a cable connection.

Cable

Ah, Cable.  Something that I don’t watch anymore but is still pretty important nowadays.

*ahem*

Anyway.

The broadband cable connection is provided by the local cable TV provider.  Here, the cable Internet connection speed varies with the number of users on the service at a specific point in time. 

Given a specific geographical area, users of the broadband cable service share the connection bandwidth which slows the speed the more users are on the system.  This will occur at the peak times for example late in the evenings after the work day is over when many people will be accessing the Internet.

Somewhat misleadingly, often the cable company would estimate connection speeds that are based on the thinking that you are using the service. 

But that is clearly not the case.

No-one:

Cable Companies: 

Fibre-Optic

The newest broadband service is fiber-optic, which is the fastest Internet connection thus far.  Plus, it has a really cool ring to the name. 

However, this type of Internet service is still in its infancy as its service areas are quite limited and because the laying down of the fiber-optic cable takes a while to complete. Wherever it is available, the cost not only competes with that of DSL and cable, but it provides a much faster connection than both of those services.

And it even LOOKS cool, too!

Satellite

The last and slowest broadband service is provided by satellite. Although this is a good replacement for dial-up for those people living in remote rural areas, the installation costs are quite high, but the ongoing monthly charges are competitive to both cable and DSL.

Can’t remember the last time I saw a proper satellite still in use.

Moving onto the next sub-topic, here are:

Caribbean Broadband Companies

In the Caribbean, there are 2 companies that I know are region-wide, and provide broadband services.

First up, Digicel.

Digicel is a mobile phone network provider operating in 33 markets across the Caribbean, Central America, and Oceania regions.

The company is owned by the Irish billionaire by the name Denis O'Brien, is incorporated in Bermuda, and it’s headquarters is down here in Kingston, Jamaica. It has about 14 million wireless users.

Quite a bit of people, huh?

They have a service which is known as Digicel 4G Broadband.  Powered by WiMax technology, it speeds up to 6 Mbps for uploads. 

You can stream movies, play games and video chat online to your heart’s content.

The prices for the pre-paid 4G ranges from JMD$350 to JMD$3000, for 1 day, 3 to 14 days, or even an entire month (30 days).

They even go as far as to supply fibre WiFi (which I’m just finding out as I edit this blog).

From download speeds of 50Mbps to 400Mbps, and upload speeds from 25Mbps to 200Mbps, and prices ranging from JMD$4699 to JMD$15,499, this is the type of high-speed WiFi I’d want for my own house.  

I. . .I. . .don’t need it, I swear.

Second up is Flow!

Under the parent company of Cable and Wireless, Flow is a trade name used to market cable television, internet, telephone, and wireless services provided by the company.   

They provide a broadband service from 40 mbps for downloads up to 100mbps for downloads, and a constant of 5mbps for uploads, ranging from JMD$4,999 to JMD$12,299 (+GCT).

Their best offerings come in bundle packages, where they offer Cable, phone services, and internet packages in one! 

Now that we’re done with the Broadband section of this blog, let’s move on to……..

The Evolution of Mobile Devices!

The following informational screenshots are all from Tigermobiles.com, where they speak about the evolution of mobile devices/phones for over 30 years:

Features introduced in this era:  

Mobile calling

Features introduced:  

SMS 

Gaming

Features introduced:  

Email

Vibrate Notifications

Colour screens

Features introduced: 

WAP (Wireless Application Protocol)

Tri-Band 

Video Calling

GPS Navigation

Predictive Texts 

Camera 

Polyphonic Ringtones

MP3 Player

Bluetooth

Memory Card

MMS (Multimedia Messaging)

Features introduced:  

Realtone Notifications

Augmented Reality

WiFi

Quad-Band

Waterproof

Full Web Browsing

Features introduced:  

NFC (Near-Field Communication)

Capacitive Touchscreen

Mobile Apps

Wireless Charging

Features introduced:  

Voice Control

Dual Lens Camera

Facial Recognition

Fingerprint scanning

Full HD Screen

Heart-Rate Monitor

Features introduced: 

Retina Scanner

Apple & Android Pay 

Bezel-less Screens

Notch

In-Display Fingerprint sensor

So much progress.  I’m proud.

Now onto the next topic!

Social Media Governance and Politics

Firstly governance.

The main point that I will focus on here is Political Participation.

Governments have provided formal online channels for citizens to report crime, comment on policy, or petition for change.   This is honestly a great concept as everything that is sent would be kept secure, and it would be almost certain that your voice would be heard.

Unfortunately, however, this is restricted to a small elite of internet users, and government websites are not popular. The citizens often use social media to organize activism and protests.

For example:

The ‘Jamaica House Petition’ is a governmental page that is linked to the office of the Prime Minister.  This page would allow you to create a petition that would allow you to engage the Prime Minister in an issue that you wish to address. If you gather 15,000 signatures in 40 days, your petition is reviewed, and if it complies with agreed standards, the Office of the Prime Minister will issue it as an official response.

It’s a great concept and all, and it would be even better if there were actually any petitions there for anyone to sign.

Anywho, moving onto Politics!  

Yay! My excitement is paramount!

This gif perfectly accentuates my overflowing excitement. :3

So!

Especially in America, Social Media has changed the way that politics works.

With the use of Social Media in politics, it is now:

Reaching out to multiple people in the world, regardless of the fact that you may or may not live in their country.

Advertising without actually paying for anything at all.

Message Tailoring

Feedback

The main drawback, though, is that there is tons upon tons upon tons of controversy.  Depending on what’s being sent on can have a huge effect on how the world views certain candidates.

A perfect example would be the one, the only, the very ‘loved’. . .

Donald Trump

Oops, wrong picture

Much worse.

Let’s go through some memorable gems that are known as his nice array of tweets.

This last one here personally makes me laugh, because he basically predicted his own leadership.

“Maybe I should check his account for myself instead of looking at Top 20’s onli- oh wait.”

“Right, right, I forgot.”

As we all progress further on in 2019 and beyond, I’m sure other things will come into light as we continue to progress, right? Yep, yep.  Our use of media will evolve, alongside our memes.

Thanks for reading my blog once again, babes!~  I’ll be editing the results to my survey later if I can~.

Bye!~

[topsolarpanels]

Where global warming get real: inside Nasa’s mission to the north pole

The long read: For 10 years, Nasa has been flying over the ice caps to chart their retreat. This data is an invaluable record of climate change. But does anyone care?

From the window of a Nasa aircraft flying over the Arctic, seeming down on the ice sheet that covers most of Greenland, its easy to find why it is so hard to describe climate change. The scale of polar ice, so dramatic and so clear from a plane flying at 450 metres( 1,500 ft) high enough to appreciate the scope of the ice and low enough to sense its mass is nearly impossible to fathom when you arent sitting at that particular vantage point.

But its different when you are there, cruising over the ice for hours, with Nasas monitors all over the cabin streaming data output, documenting in real day dramatising, in a sense the depth of the ice beneath. You get it, because you can see it all there in front of you, in three dimensions.

Imagine a thousand centuries of heavy snowfall, piled up and compacted into stone-like ice atop the bedrock of Greenland, an Arctic island almost a one-quarter the size of the US. Imagine all of modern human history, from the Neolithic revolution 12,000 years ago when humen moved from hunting and meeting to agriculture, and from there, eventually, to urban societies until today. All of the snow that fell on the Arctic during that entire history is met up in simply the top layers of the ice sheet.

Imagine the dimensions of that ice: 1.71 m sq km( 656,000 sq miles ), three times the size of Texas. At its belly from the top layer, yesterdays snowfall, to the bottom layer, which is made of snow that fell out of the sky 115,000 -1 30,000 years ago it reaches 3,200 metres( 10,500 ft) thick, virtually four times taller than the worlds highest skyscraper.

Imagine the weight of this thing: at the centre of Greenland, the ice is so heavy that it warps the land itself, pushing bedrock 359 metres( 1,180 ft) below sea level. Under its own immense weight, the ice comes alive, folding and rolling in solid stream, in glaciers that slowly push outward. This is a head-spinningly dynamic system that we still dont fully understand and that we really ought to learn far more about, and rapidly. In hypothesi, if this massive thing were fully drained, and melted into the sea, the water contained in it would stimulate the worlds oceans rise by 7 metres( 23 ft ).

When you fly over entire mountain ranges whose tips-off scarcely peek out from under the ice and these are just the visible ones its possible to imagine what would happen if even a fraction of this sum of pent-up freshwater were unleashed. You can plainly see how this thing would flood the coasts of the world, from Brooklyn to Bangladesh.

The crew of Nasas Operation IceBridge have seen this ice from every imaginable angle. IceBridge is an aerial survey of the polar regions that has been underway for nearly a decade the most ambitious of its kind to date. It has yielded a growing dataset that helps researchers document , among other things, how much, and at what rate, ice is vanishing from the poles, contributing to global sea-level rises, and to a variety of other phenomena related to climate change.

Alternating seasonally between the north and south poles, Operation Icebridge mounts months-long campaigns in which it operates eight- to 12 -hour daily flights, as often as weather permits. This past spring season, when I joined them in the Arctic, they launched 40 flights, but had 63 detailed flight schemes prepared. Operation IceBridge seeks to create a continuous data record of the constantly changing ice by bridging hence the name data retrieved from a Nasa satellite that aimed its service in 2009, called ICESat, and its successor, ICESat-2, which is due to launching next year. The Nasa dataset, which offers a broad overview of the state of polar ice, is publicly available to any researcher anywhere in the world.

In April, I travelled to Kangerlussuaq, in south-west Greenland, and joined the IceBridge field crew a group of about 30 laser, radar, digital mapping, IT and GPS technologists, glaciologists, pilots and mechanics. What I insured there were specialists who have, over the course of nearly 10 years on this mission, mastered the arts and science of polar data hunting while, at the same day, watching as the very concept of data, of fact-based discourse, has disintegrated in their culture at home.

On each flight, I witnessed a remarkable tableau. Even as Arctic glaciers were losing mass right below the speeding aircraft, and even as raw data gleaned directly from those glaciers was pouring in on their monitors, the Nasa technologists sat next to their fact-recording instruments, sighing and wondering aloud if Americans had lost the eyes to see what they were assuring, to see the facts. What they told me revealed something about what it means to be a US federally money climate researcher in 2017 and what they didnt, or couldnt, tell me uncovered even more.

On my first morning in Greenland, I dropped in on a weather meeting with John Sonntag, mission scientist and de facto field captain for Nasas Operation IceBridge. I stood inside the cosy climate office at Kangerlussuaq airport, surrounded by old Danish-language topographical maps of Greenland, as Sonntag explained to me that the ice sheet, because of its shape, can produce unique weather patterns( the ice isnt flat, its curved, he said, making a little knoll shape with his hands ).

The fate of the polar ice has occupied the last decade of his life( Im away from home so much its likely why Im not married ). But at pre-flight weather meetings, polar ice is largely of fear to him for the quirky style it might affect that days weather. The figure in Sonntags mind this morning isnt metres of sea rise, but dollars in flight hour. The estimated price tag for a flight on Operation IceBridge is about $100,000; a single hour of flight time is said to cost $10 -1 5,000. If Sonntag misreads the weather and the plane has to turn back, he loses flight time, a lot of taxpayers money, and precious data.

I would come to view Sonntag as something of a Zen sage of atmospheric conditions. He checks the climate the moment he wakes in the morning, before he eats or even uses the bathroom. He told me that it wasnt simply about knowing what the weather is. With weather, there is no is. Whats required is the ability to grasp constant dynamic change.

What Im doing, he said, is correcting my current reading against my previous one which he had made the last possible moment the night before, just before falling asleep. Basically, Im calibrating. The machine that he is calibrating, of course, is himself. This, as I would learn, was a pretty good summary of Sonntags modus operandi as a leader: constantly and carefully adjusting his reads in order to better navigate his expeditions shifting conditions.

Nevertheless, despite the metaphorical implications of his weather-watching, Sonntag was ever focused on the literal. At the climate meeting, I asked him about his concern over some low cloud cover that was developing a situation that could result in scrubbing the flight. Was his concern for the functionality of the aircrafts science equipment, its ice-penetrating radars, its lasers and cameras?

John Sonntag on board Nasas Operation IceBridge research aircraft at Thule airbase, Greenland. Photograph: Mario Tama/ Getty Images

On that day, as it turned out, Sonntag was more worried about pilot visibility. You know, so we dont fly into a mountain, he explained, without taking his eyes off the blob dancing across the monitors. That kind of thing.

A few weeks before I fulfilled Sonntag, a reporter had asked him: What stimulates this real to you? The topic had startled him, and he was evidently still thinking about it. I honestly didnt know what to say, he told me.

Sonntag cuts a trim, understated figure in his olive green Nasa flight suit, fleece coat and baseball cap, and his exuberances and mellowed ironies tend to soften his slow-burn, man-on-a-literal-mission intensity. I could imagine how a reporter might miss the underlying zeal; but get to know Sonntag and youll learn why, even three weeks later, that topic was still rattling around his head.

Im still kind of at a loss, to be honest, he told me. What attains it real ? I mean, wow, where do I start?

It is indeed a strange question to ask someone who was once on a high-altitude flight when temperatures fell so low that the planes gas turned solid, almost sending it straight down into Antarctica, directly on to the ice, in the middle of the darkest of nights. Each of the 63 flight plans for this season in the Arctic was the result of months of meticulous planning. A team of polar scientists from across the US situateds the research priorities, in collaboration with flight crews, who make sure the routes are feasible; the mission is managed from Nasas Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland.

Sonntag is there at all phases, including at the construction and installing of the scientific instruments, and he is the person in the field responsible for executing the mission. He is supposed to have a plan for every contingency: if the plane goes down on the ice, hes get plans for that, too. He is responsible for making sure that his crew have adequately backed up and stored many terabytes of data, and that their own creature comforts are taken care of. On days off, he cooks gumbo for them.

The reporter probably had something else in intellect. The melting of ice, the rising water, and all the boring-seeming charts that document the connections between the two what builds that real? To Sonntag and his crew, it is as real as the data that they have personally helped fish out of the ice.

Sea levels, which were more or less constant for the past 2,000 years, have climbed at a rate of roughly 1.7 mm a year in the past century; in the past 25 years, that rate has doubled to 3.4 mm a year, already enough to create adverse effects in coastal regions. A conservative estimation holds that waters will rise approximately 0.9 metres( 3ft) by the year 2100, which will place hundreds of millions of people in jeopardy.

Given the scale of sea- and ice-related questions, the vantage point that is needed is from the air and from space, and is best served through large, continuous, state-supported investments: hence Nasa. There is a lot we dont know and a lot that the ice itself, which is a frozen repository of past climate changes, can tell us. But we need the eyes to see it.

First built during the cold warto track Russian submarines, the P-3 Orion aircraft, a four-engine turboprop, is designed for long, low-flying surveillance missions. IceBridges P-3, based at Wallops Flight Facility in Virginia, is armed with a suite of instruments mounted under the plane and operated by technologists sitting at stations in the cabin. A laser altimetry system which bounces laser beams from the bottom of the aircraft to the top of the ice and back determines the height and topography of the uppermost layer of ice; a digital mapping system takes high-resolution photos of the ice, helping us find the specific characteristics in which it is changing shape; and a radar system sends electromagnetic pulsings through the ice, thousands of feet and a hundred thousand years to the land beneath.

This data shows us where the ice is growing and where it is shrinking, and helps researchers ascertain its current mass. The IceBridge data has also helped create a 3D map of an ice-locked land that no human eyes have ever seen: the territory of Greenland, its mountains, valleys, plains and valleys, and also a clear opinion of the layers of ice that have grown above it. Nasa repeats its IceBridge flights annually, to chart how the ice changes from year to year, and, by comparison with earlier satellite data, from decade to decade. For the integrity of the data, it is best to repeat the flights over exactly the same terrain. The path of each IceBridge flight must adhere to a line so narrow that they had to devise a new flight navigation system, which Sonntag cannot help but describe with boyish glee( We basically trick the plane into thinking its landing !).

In trying to grasp how the ice runs, its necessary to know the shape of the underlying terrain: in places where the land slopes up, for instance, we know that ice will flow slower. IceBridge data helped discover and chart a canyon in northern Greenland the size of the Grand Canyon. In addition to being a wondrous discovery in its own right, this was useful in understanding where, and how, the ice is moving. One effect of this giant canyon system can be seen at the coast, where sea water can seep into cavities, potentially melting lower layers of ice. Other aerial data has shown how glacier fronts, which served as corks holding back the ice flow behind them, have decreased and unleashed the flow, causing more ice to flush into the sea at increasingly rapid paces.

Fantastic 3D maps of the ice sheet created with IceBridge data have also helped researchers situate rare, invaluable Eemian ice, from more than 100,000 years ago. This was an epoch when the Earth was warm similar to today and in which the seas were many feet higher, which resembles the world to which we are headed. By drilling deep into the ice, glaciologists can excavate ice cores containing corpuscles of materials such as volcanic ash, or frozen bubbles that preserve precious pockets of ancient air that hold chemical samples of long-departed climates. Because of IceBridge data, researchers know where to look for these data-rich ice layers.

These are among the reasons that John Sonntags head hurts, and why he doesnt know where to begin or what to think when people ask him what builds this real for him. Behind even well-meaning topics is a culture of ignorance, or self-interested indifference, that has stimulated it easy for a Republican-led, corporation-owned US government to renege on the Paris climate arrangement, to gut the Environmental Protection Agency, and to slash billions of dollars of climate change-related funds from the federal budget this year. When the White House recently proposed cuts to Nasas climate-change research divisions, the media has enabled them along by interring the story under speciously positive headlines: Trumps Nasa budgetary support deep space travel, crowed CBS News. The worlds coasts are facing catastrophic sea rise, but at the least Americans can look forward to watching their countrymen grill hot dog on Mars.

The US built Kangerlussuaqs airfield in the early 1940 s, and they still maintain a small airbase there. In 1951, America constructed a giant fortress on the ice, Thule Air Base, in north-west Greenland strategically equidistant from Russia and the US where it secretly kept armed atomic weapon. In one of naval history more ambitious armadas, the Americans cut through the ice, generated a port, and effected a conquest second in scope merely to the D-day invasion. And all they had to do was uproot an Inuit settlement.

The USs history in Greenland gives the lie to the notion that ice research is inherently peaceful, much less apolitical. Glaciology advanced as a field partly through the work of US scientists serving the needs of their countrys rapidly growing nuclear war machine in the 1960 s, helping to build Camp Century, a fabled city under ice in northern Greenland and designing Project Iceworm, a top-secret system of under-ice tunnels nearby, which was intended as a launch site for concealed nuclear rockets. In 1968, at the high levels of the war in Vietnam, a nuclear-armed B-5 2 crashed near Thule. A fire, started when a crewman left a pillow over a heating ventilate, resulted in four atomic weapon hydrogen bombs plunging into the ice, and releasing plutonium into the environment.

When our flight landed in Kangerlussuaq, we passed quickly through passport control, but our pouches were nowhere find work. For 40 minutes we could see the one and only commercial airplane at this airfields one and only gate simply sitting on the tarmac, with our pouches still in it. This wasnt a serious problem Kangerlussuaqs one hotel was just up a short flight of steps from the gate but it did seem odd that the bags hadnt come through customs. Another passenger, sensing my embarrassment, approached me.

Yankee? he asked.

Yankee, I replied.

Customs, the man told me, was actually merely one guy, who had a propensity to mysteriously disappear.

By the route, he added conspiratorially. You know customs here has a special arrangement with the Americans. The customs guy, the stranger told me, turns a blind eye to liquor headed to the US Air Force bar on the other side of the airfield.

Kangerlussuaq( population 500 ), or as the Yanks prefer to call it, Kanger, still feels like a frontier station. Most locals run either at the airport or at the hotel. Next to the airfields main hangar, local people house the huskies that pull their sledges. The roads of Kangerlussuaq can be dicey; there are no sidewalks. Once you leave the tiny settlement, there arent roads at all; and if you go north or east, of course, theres only ice. Decommissioned US air force Jato bottles airplane boosters that, to the untrained eye, resemble small warheads are ubiquitous around Kangerlussuaq, usually as receptacles for discarded cigarette butt. In the hotel cafeteria you can see American and European glaciologists, greeting one another with astound and hugs, because the last time they met was a year or two ago, when they ran into each other at the other pole.

Kangerlussuaq in Greenland. Photo: Arterra/ UIG/ Getty

When I ultimately got my container, I stimulated my way down to the 664 barracks, where the crew was remain. But before I met the crew, I fulfilled the data itself. In a small, slouchy barracks bedroom, near the front doorway, I encountered two Nasa servers. IT engineers could, and often would, sit on the bed as they worked.

The window was cracked open, to cool the room and soothe the crackling servers, whose constant low humming, like a shamen chant, was accompanied by the pleasant aroma of gently cooking wires one of the more visceral stages of the daily rite of storing, transferring, copying and processing data captured on the most recent flight. After years of listening to Americans debate the existence of data demonstrating climate change, it was comforting to come in here and fragrance it.

When I first arrived, I found one of the IT crew, dressed in jeans, T-shirt and slippers, and with big, sad, sleepy, beagle eyes, reclining next to the server, his feet up on a desk, chowing on a Nutella snack pack. He explained the irony of his struggle to keep the servers happy in the far north. A week earlier, when IceBridge was operating its northern flights from Thule Air Base, they couldnt seem to find any route of get the server rooms temperature down: Were in the Arctic, but our problem is determining cold air.

For a moment he paused to consider the sheer oddness of life, but then he shrugged, and polished off his Nutella snack. But we just chug on, you know? he said.

This attitude captured something essential about IceBridge: its scrappy. Its the kind of operation in which the engineers are expected to bring their own off-the-shelf hardware back-ups from home.( As one radar tech told me: if your keyboard breaches in the Arctic, you cant just go to Walmart and buy a new one .) More than one crew member described IceBridges major piece of hardware, its P-3 aircraft, as a hand-me-down. When the Nasa crew “was talkin about a” their P-3 they sometimes voiced as though they were talking about a beloved, oversized, elderly pet dog, who can act dopey but, when pressed, is astonishingly agile. IceBridges P-3 is 50 years old, but as one of the navy pilots told me, they baby the hell out of it. It just got a new pair of wings. I got the strong sense that this climate data gathering operation was something of an underdog enterprise the moodier sibling of Nasas more celebrated deep-space projects.

But these unsung flights are not without their own brand of Nasa drama. The IceBridge crew would tell me, with dark humour, the story of the time a plane was in such dire straits that everyone aboard was panicking. One man was staring at a photo of his children on his phone, and in his other hand, was clutching a crucifix. Another man was pinned to the ceiling. Someone actually hollered Were gonna die !, like in the movies. John Sonntag, on the other hand, sat there, serenely assessing the situation.

During my time in Greenland in April this year, I didnt witness Sonntag manage a distressed aircraft, but I did watch him carefully navigate a Nasa crew through a turbulent political season. In the week I was there, the group was preparing for two anxiety-provoking scenarios, courtesy of Washington, DC. One was an imminent visit from several each member of Congress. As one engineer put it to me, We just get nervous, honestly, because we dont know what these politicians agenda is: are they friend or foe?

The other was an impending shutdown of the entire US federal government: if Congress didnt make a decision about the budget by Friday that week, the government would close all operations indefinitely.( The sticking point was budgetary questions related to Trumps proposed border wall .) If the government shut down, Operation IceBridge was done for the season; the Nasa crew would be sent home that day.

This had happened before, in 2013, just as IceBridge was en route to Antarctica. Congressional Republican shut down the governmental forces in their effort to thwart Obamas diabolical plot to offer medical care to millions of uninsured Americans. Much of the 2013 mission was cancelled, with millions of dollars, many hundreds of hours of preparation, and, most importantly, critical data, lost.

I still cant truly talking here that without feeling those feelings again, Sonntag told me. It was kind of traumatic for us.

The crew of IceBridge was facing an absurd scenario: living in anxiety of a shutdown of their work by Congress one day and, shortly thereafter, having to smile and impress members of that same Congress.

Conditioned by the tribulationsof modern commercial airline travel, I was unprepared for the casualness of my first Nasa launch. The impression in the hangar before the flight, and as the crew prepared to launch, was of change workers who are hyper-attentive to their particular tasks and not the least concerned with gratuitous formalities. The flights were long and the deployments were long; the key to not burning out was to pace oneself and to not linger over anything that wasnt essential. Everyone was a trusted pro and nobody was out to prove anything to anyone else.

Shortly before our 9am takeoff, I asked Sonntag what the plane should feel like when everything was going well what should I be looking for? He smiled sheepishly. To be honest, if you assure people sleeping, thats a good sign.

On the eight-hour flights, ensure engineers asleep at their stations meant international instruments below their feet were blithely collecting data. For some stretchings, there wasnt even data to collect: hours were spent flying between data target sites.( Over the intercom, a pilot would occasionally ask, Hey, we sciencing now or simply flying ?) Flight crew, who attend to the plane but are not directly connected to the data operation, occupied the cabin like cats, curled up proprietarily, high up on fluffy, folded-up engine covers.

This permeating somnolence the hypnotic hum of the propellers, the occasional scene of crewmen horsing around in their flight suits, which devoted them the appear of sons in pajamas coupled with the low-altitude sweeps through fantastic mountains of ice, devoted the whole situation a dreamlike quality.

From the windows of the P-3, at 450 metres, you dont need to have read anything about glaciers to know what they are. At that low altitude, you can see the deep textures and the crevasses of the ice, and just how far the glacier widens across the land. The eye immediately grasps that the ice is a being on the move, positively exploding ahead, while also not appearing to move at all, like a still photo of a rushing river.

A rift across Antarcticas Larsen C ice shelf, seen from an IceBridge flight. Photograph: UPI/ Barcroft Images

Seeing the polar ice from above, you get a very different view from that assured by novelists in past centuries, who saw this scenery, if at all, by boat or, more likely, from a depict. But the vision, to them, was clear enough: it was the Objective, the annihilating whiteness of demise and extinction. Herman Melville described this colour as the dumb blankness, full of meaning, in a wide scenery of snows a colorless all-color of atheism from which we shrink. This is where so many of those old narratives discontinued. The Arctic is where the ogre in Frankenstein leaps off a ship on to the ice, never to be seen again. Polar decideds spell doom for Poes sailors, and Captain Nemo, who are pulled into the icy maelstrom. And celebrated real-life travellers did, in fact, die gruesomely on the ice, in search of the Northwest Passage, or the north pole.

But, from the window of Nasas P-3, that old narrative seems inaccurate. Deem that whiteness, which so frightened Melville and Poe, who objective his Antarctic tale The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym with a horrifying italicised refrain on the word white. But polar snow and ice, precisely because it is white, with a quality known as high albedo, deflects solar energy back into space and helps keep globes climate cool; the loss of all this white material means more hot is absorb and the earth warms faster. In a variety of other routes, including moderating climate patterns, the ice helps makes life on globe more livable. The extreme conditions of the poles, so useful for instilling dread in 19 th-century readers, actually stimulate the world more habitable.

Our bias against the poles can be seen even in that typical term of praise for this icy scenery, otherworldly. This description is precisely incorrect: the Arctic is intimately connected with every other part of the planet.

This, too, is something you can see. Flying over it, at a low altitude, I was struck by the familiarity of the thing, how much of Greenland was a visual echo of my northern homelands. In the muscular frozen ripples of its glaciers, created by an intensely pressured flow, I considered the same strong hand that profoundly etched those giant scratchings into the big boulders of Central Park in New York City. This isnt an analogy: those marks in Manhattan were made by shifting ice, the very same ice layers that still have a foothold in Greenland. I grew up, and have expended the majority of members of my life, in Ohio and New England, places that were carved out by that ice: ponds originally made of meltwater from the last great ice age, low mounds smoothed over by retreating glaciers. That old ice gave shape and signature to almost every important place in my life, and in the lives of so many others. And, in the future, this ice will continue to shape the places were from, right before our eyes. It is merely our ignorance that attains us call it otherworldly.

But even as we passed through this scenery, even as the lasers and radars took their deep gulp of data from the ice, I could hear expressions of nervousnes from the data hunters. At the same day that were getting better at assembling this data, we seem to be losing the ability to communicate the great importance to the public, one engineer told me four hours into a flight, during a transit between glaciers.

You can hear this anxiety surface in the witticism floating around the crew. I heard one engineer joke that it might be easier to merely rig up a data randomising machine, since many people out there seem to think thats what their data is anyway.

I mean, itd be much easier, and cheaper, to do upkeep on that, he pointed out.

In another conversation, about how to increase public awareness about climate change in the US, I asked one of the senior crew members whether they would greet a novelist from Breitbart aboard one of these flights.

Oh, utterly, he said. Id love for them to see what were doing up there. I believe sitting on this plane, assuring the ice, and watching the data come in would be incredibly eye-opening for them.

His optimism was inspiring and worrisome to me.

The mantra of the crew is no politics. I heard it said over and over again: merely stick to the job, dont speak above your pay grade. But, of course, you dont need to have a no-politics policy unless your work is already steeped in politics.

Glaciers on the Greenland ice sheet, observed by the IceBridge crew. Photograph: Jeremy Harbeck/ Icebridge/ NASA

Speaking with one of the scientific researchers mid-flight, I got a very revealing reply. When I asked this researcher about the anthropogenesis of climate change, the tone changed. What had been a comfy chat became stilted and deliberate. There was a little eye-roll toward my audio recorder. Abruptly my interlocutor, a specialist in ice, got pedantic, telling me that there existed others more qualified to speak about rising sea level. I offered to turn off my recorder. As soon as it was off, the researcher spoke freely and with the confidence of a leading expert in the field. The off-the-record view expressed wasnt simply one of sober arrangements with the scientific consensus, but of passionate outrage. Of course climate change is related to human activity! Weve all assured the graphs !

The tonal discrepancies between this off-the-record answer and the taped answer that I should consult someone else told me all I needed to know. Or so I believed the researcher then asked me to turn my recorder back on: there was one addendum, for the record.

Richard Nixon, the researcher said, looking down at the red record sunlight. Nixon established some good climate policy. Theres a tradition in both parties of doing this work. And, I entail, if Nixon

The researcher chuckled a bit, realising how this was sounding. Well, thats what Im hanging my hopes on, anyway.

Over the planes open intercom, there was abruptly, and uncharacteristically, talk of the days headlines. While we were in flight, people around the world were marking Earth Day by demonstrating in support of climate rationality and against the present US regime. On Twitter, #MarchForScience was trending at the exact moment Nasas P-3 was out flying for science. There was even a local protest: American and European scientists took to the street of Kangerlussuaq for a small but high-profile demo. While it was happening, one of the engineers piped up on the P-3s intercom.

Anyone else sorry to be missing the procession?

But the earnest question was only met with silence and a few jokes. Among the Nasa crew, there had been some talking here trying to do a flyover of the Kangerlussuaq march, to take an aerial photo of it, but the plan was nixed for logistical reasons. The timing was off. The senior crew seemed relieved that it was out of the question.

Later that week, after my second and final flight making a total of 16 hours in the air with Nasa the crew retreated to the barracks for a quick science meeting, beers in hand, followed by a family-style dinner. We dont seem to get enough of each other here, one of the engineers told me, as he poured a glass of wine over ice that the crew had harvested from the front of a glacier the day before. One of the engineers asked a glaciologist about the age of this block of ice, and frowned at the disappointing answer: it probably wasnt more than a few hundred years old.

Well, thats still older than America, right? he said.

Outside, the sky wasnt dark, though it was past 10 pm. In a couple of months, there would be sunlight all night. After dinner, one of the crews laser technicians lounged on a couch, playing an acoustic version of the sung Angie over and over again, creating a pleasantly mesmerising impact. Two crew members talked of killer methane gas. But most sat around, drinking and telling stories. One of the pilots tried to convince someone he had assured a polar bear from the cockpit that day. These deployments are tiring, someone told me. Bullshitting is critical.

One of the crew spent his off-days on excursions with a camera-equipped drone, and had attained spectacular videos of his explorations, which he edited and set to moody Bush tunes. I joined the crew as they gathered around his laptop to watch his latest. There was something moving in considering these people who had spend all day, and indeed many months and years, flying over ice and obsessing over ice-related data now expending their free time relaxing by watching videos of yet more ice.

As usual, politics soon snuck into the picture. The next video that popped up was footage recently shot at the Thule base. The video indicated some of this same Nasa crew hiking through an deserted cement bunker, a former storage site for US Nike anti-aircraft rockets. Today its simply an eerie, rusted, shadow-filled underground space, its floor covered in thick ice. When these images came on the screen, the crew fell quiet, watching themselves, only a week ago, putting on ice skates and doing figure-eights over the wreckings of their countrys cold war weapons systems.

An engineer chipped a shard off the frozen block harvested the day before. Perhaps sensing my mood, he dropped it into a glass and poured me some whiskey over ice older than America and said: Well anyway, maybe thisll cheer you up.

Early the next morning, before the crew boarded the P-3 for another eight-hour flight over polar ice, a rare political debate broke out. Four of the crew were discussing the imminent Congressional visit, which inspired one of the veteran pilots to recite, once again, the mission mantra: Stick to science: no politics. But because that approach felt increasingly less plausible in 2017, one of the ice specialists, feeling frustrated, launched under a small speech about how Americans dont take data seriously, and how its going to kill us all. Nobody disagreed. Someone jokingly said: Maybe its best if you dont fly today. To which another added, Yeah, you should stay on the ground and only do push-ups all day.

Finally, John Sonntag who had been too busy reviewing flight plans to hear the chatter stood up and tapped his watch. OK guys, he said. Lets run. Its is high time to fly.

Main image: Nasa/ Joe MacGregor

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