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#honesty box
xscape-photography · 2 years
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Honesty and Trust.
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katruna · 9 months
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Favorite Tumblr people?
gotta start with my husband @jdeanmorgan/@rylivers he makes such pretty gifs and is a hell of a writer. plus he's incredibly sweet 😘😘😘
my besties @eusuntgratie @sincenewyorks @taste-thewaste @nilefreemans
ray of tzpositivity @myteavsricochet
@maurypovichofficial2 never fails to make me laugh
@buckttommy has the best 911 takes all of the time
@eddiediaaz posts beautiful 911 gifs
the ryan girlies (gn)
@texasbama @suavecitodiaz @raemarr @limpwristdiaz @hearteyesdiaz
@unfortunatehyperfixations @cowboycart3r
my new friend @cuntnostril posts the best gay content all of the time.
that's basically what's on my dash 90% of the time.
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rose-ramblings · 4 months
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trying something new, here's a late valentine goku
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k i thiiiiink i'm gonna close my inbox for a Bit bc there is... so much in there... and more gets buried with each new ask & i Want to get to them all! but there are ninety-five (95!) asks in that box rn. and i know from experience that if i don't take care of it that number will build to ungodly levels, and then it'll get so overwhelming i won't be able to get myself to answer Any <3
#its just that i want to respond to Most with scribbles#and since it takes me so long to do anything#especially lately with... everything that's happening... my Motivation and Energy has been more drained than normal#and 'normal' is already at Low Levels!#but yeah and i just Want To Get To Everyone#there are some real good asks in there!#but then each new one is like Oh I Wanna Do That#YALL ARE GIVING ME TOO MANY TASTY RECIPES!!!#i cant bake 95 cakes at once!!!!#all of this said affectionately ofc#i never imagined my lil art blog's inbox would ever reach double digits#let alone nearing triples!#i just need to take things a bit slower than usual. implement some personal moderation yk yk#absolutely unprompted#do i know when the box will reopen? nope!#in all honesty it might be a couple months... idk idk. idk!#my life is very uncertain and stressful and will be for At least until november#mid-november probably. late november. perhaps even early december...#depends on how quickly i get settled in my New living situation or how fast i empty the inbox#cause im moving late october... i just dont know!#everything is kinda falling apart! but its fine its fine . i will work on asks and art#*will graham voice* this is my escape#there are several that im excited to get around to!#mainly a couple'a Lights Out ones but there are Others as well...#if you were planning on sending an ask. uh. sorry!#im grabbing your tongue and shoving it back in your face. hush.#edit: AND i wanna respond to some replies cause those get sooo neglected#its like my brain says 'you can either respond to replies or asks. not both. die'#and i have to be all 'thanks cool thats totally reasonable! perish'
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xiaomao-ai-wo · 25 days
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Who’s your most favorite character out of every fandom you’re in?
wow gosh sorry I took a bit to answer. questions like this can paralyze me unless I make stipulations haha! Because it's almost always whatever is most recent! :)
So that would be our dear Chase Hollow from Cinderella Boy/Chasers.
It's the good heart paired to his boldness to speak his mind that gets to me. Literally how can you look at that puppy dog face as he genuinely asks something of you and turn him down? I feel Buddy's pain for real.
A more long standing short list of some favorites though that have stuck with me for much longer would include
Adrien Agreste/Cat Noir from Miraculous Ladybug (embarrassingly for similar reason to chase hollow I really am a simple person sometimes.)
707 from Mystic Messenger. I am not as steeped into this at this point in time but I do be having his jacket and a pillow :)
Link from tLoZ. the facial expressions, main character energy. Dog boy (Twilight Princess was my first game). He'll be with me forever and always. I drew Yuri on Ice characters as Skyward Sword characters once in an airport.
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s10127470 · 16 days
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The Best Thing About The Garfield Movie
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So yeah, i just watched The Garfield Movie this past Friday night.
And all in honesty (and you're all probably gonna hate me for this).....I actually really like this film.
The story is solid (but I'll touch on that a little more when I get there).
The animation is really great. I'm always down for CGI animation actually being allowed to feel animated and this is the best the Garfield characters have looked in 3D.
It's basically night and day when you compare it to The Garfield Show and that CGI trilogy from the late 2000s.
Most of the characters are pretty solid and likeable.
My favorites were definitely Odie and Otto.
And the voice acting was actually really good all around.
Yes....even Chris Pratt as Garfield himself.
The movie's not perfect though.
A little bit of the humor can fall flat at times.
The villain is kind of weak despite being a classic, over-the-top villain.
Which is weird given the director's track record when it comes to villains.
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And while Jon was fun to watch, he sadly wasn't around for much of the movie.
But all-in-all, I think this movie is a really good time and I would definitely recommend it for anyone who's a fan of Garfield.
However, if you've seen any of the reception towards the movie (largely from the critics), it hasn't been talked about in a very positive light.
With the biggest criticism being that the movie doesn't feel like Garfield.
Which to that I have to say....
BALDERDASH!
And I feel like the critics saying this are only familiar with the comics strips and not really anything else with the orange cat.
While yes, the movie doesn't quite feel like the comic strips, it does harken more to the adaptations, specifically the ones from his golden age during the 1980s.
The major criticism towards this movie is that it doesn't feel like Garfield, especially with the whole heist plot.
And while that may be the case when using the comics as a basis, but when looking at the adaptations, this actually isn't all that far off from what Garfield usually gets up to.
He's hanged with a tribe of tropical island natives inspired by 50s American culture while having to stop an erupting volcano.
He's had to escape a crew of ghostly pirates on Halloween night.
He's gone to Hollywood.
Yeah, Garfield has been going on exciting and wild adventures for a LONG time.
Hell, look at The Garfield Show.
The fourth season had several story arcs!
These included the likes of Garfield going to a school for witches, having to stop an army of alien robots from invading Earth, and going on an African safari and trying to save a pair of rare white lions from scheming poachers.
Also, that last arc I just mentioned was responsible for introducing us to the man....the myth....the legend himself....
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This criticism has also been leveled towards the character of Garfield himself.
And I honestly feel like a lot of critics don't quite get the character of Garfield.
While yes, he's lazy, cynical, sarcastic, gluttonous and mocks just about everyone around him.
But that's not all his character is.
I can't believe I'm actually using him, but The Nostalgia Critic during his review of Garfield & Friends gave what honestly may be the best description of Garfield as a character.
That being while Garfield may enjoy being a lazy pessimistic, that's not what he's really like.
Although he's described as being lazy, Garfield is shown to be surprisingly more playful and energetic than you would think.
And on top of that, he'll usually go out of way to do stuff like creating huge ass sandwiches to eat for himself or think of unique and creative ways to mess with Odie, Jon and Nermal.
And despite the fact that he mocks damn near everyone around him (especially those close to him), he'll actually go out of his way to save them if they're in danger.
Basically, the best way to describe Garfield is that he's a character who ironically works hard to be lazy.
He won't exercise, but he'll dance and play.
He may be lazy, but he'll actually go the extra mile for something he wants.
He mocks people, but knows if they weren't there, life would be pretty boring for him.
And this part allows me to segway into what I think is the best part of The Garfield Movie: it's heart.
Yeah, The Garfield Movie has legitimately heartfelt moments where the characters get to reflect on their emotions towards those close to them.
Like Otto and his unwavering love for his Ethel and more specifically, Garfield and his estranged relationship with his father Vic.
Yes, I am a sucker for stuff like these.
Probably because I just appreciate just how sincere they come off as, and I appreciate them more because they're usually not ruined for a sake of mediocre joke.
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But anyway, these moments really do favors the characters, especially Garfield himself.
One thing I really appreciate about his adaptations is how they make Garfield a little more multifaceted.
While he does still have his trademark traits and quirks, he's allowed to show other emotions as well.
He can be happy, sad, excitable, afraid, downtrodden, caring, angry.
Garfield is able to show that he isn't just lazy and cynical.
And although it was only shown in the beginning montage, I do appreciate that movie does show that Garfield does legitimately care for Jon and Odie, which is something that you rarely see in the comics and even a good chunk of the adaptations.
Once again, it kinda harkens back to the 80s adaptations, specifically the series of specials made between 1982 and 1991.
I guess to give you guys some examples.
In Garfield in the Rough, when the trio find themselves attacked by the panther that escaped from the local zoo, Garfield took shelter up in a tree while Odie and Jon were forced to take cover in the car. But that only got them so far as the panther was able to break the driver-side window. And when Garfield noticed this, he literally jumps from the tree, onto the panther's back, and proceeds to claw and scratch the big cat in a rage!
Yeah, Garfield literally fought a feral big cat for the safety of his owner and dog!
That takes fucking courage man!
Or how about in Here Comes Garfield, where Odie gets sent to the pound. And while Garfield was happy about that, he realized just how empty and boring life would be with Odie. And so, he decides to go rescue him, especially more so after finding out Odie was scheduled to get FUCKING EUTHANIZED!
Oh yeah! There was a Garfield adaptation where Odie almost got put down!
You realize how insane that sounds, right?
And despite his best attempts, Garfield ends up getting locked up with Odie.
And in the approaching hours to his demise, Garfield reminisces on the good times he's had with Odie (accompanied by an admittedly sad song).
And when it's finally time and Odie gets dragged off to meet his maker, Garfield actually starts shedding tears.
And finally there's Garfield On the Town, where Garfield gets lost in the big city. And during his journey, he stumbled upon his childhood home (an Italian restaurant that's now abandoned) and more importantly, was reunited with his estranged mother, who he hadn't seen since he was a kitten.
And during this special, we see a much more caring and gentler side of Garfield.
So yeah, that's all I have to see for all this.
Think I The Garfield Movie is pretty solid film overall and I can definitely tell that the people behind it really cared about Garfield and truly understood what makes him such a lovable character.
Unfortunately, I believe this film does have the issue of being obviously more geared towards the fans.
Which is not a bad thing.
But if the reception towards The Super Mario Bros. Movie taught anything, not everybody's gonna appreciate that.
But in all-in-all, I'm kinda glad this movie exists and I wouldn't mind rewatching every once in a while.
And I'm more glad that Mark Dindal has finally returned to directing animated films after not doing so in almost 20 years.
And while it may not be a good as Cats Don't Dance and especially the godsend that is The Emperor's New Groove, for a grand return to animated directing, this ain't half bad.
And even if you don't like this film, I think we can all agree on that it's leagues better than the last film Dindal was unfortunate enough to direct.
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mctreeleth · 10 months
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It has been a lovely evening of building a complicated spreadsheet to help score a silly little game I set up for my co-workers. This is what being 35 is all about.
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atlas-caeruleus · 1 month
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Hello, I am from Gaza, due to the shortage of medicine in Gaza, my mother who is a type 1 diabetic and was supposed to undergo urgent eye surgery, has not been able to get insulin or any medical care for the past three months. . Some members of my family fled to the southernmost part of Gaza (Rafah) in tents. But my parents and sisters have nowhere else to stay. They are forced to stay in the Nuseirat refugee camp, which has been bombed since the beginning of Christmas. "I am on my knees asking for your donations. Please help me. where you can, Goal: $700
Nb/REBLOG,DONATE & SHARE WITH FRIENDS ❤️
So I previously got an ask identical to yours, account layout and everything, with a different URL. I blocked them because of this right here. How come you only just started reblogging Palestinian content yesterday, with your posts only going as far back as yesterday in general being random fandom posts? Not only that but half of the Palestinian content you were reblogging yesterday was also quite outdated and clearly not read through before RBed to make it look like you're legit (game bundle expired April 29th, for instance). No reblogs of other GoFundMe's or other posts with links that help out, just general political content that's been going around. Not only that but you also didn't provide a link to a GoFundMe or even your name so that's totally not suspicious. You even put the well-known scammer ending of your "goal", albeit without how much you've currently gotten. So if you're a legit person, I'd love a response proving to me you are. However I feel this is one of those scammers that when I expose them they block me and/or delete their account. So I'm leaving this ask here so that people can be a little more informed.
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highfiveheroes · 28 days
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you have so many based rg opinions... your power.. unmatched
i feel so old i think this is a good thing!!! so thank you!!! i just have a lot of feelings about characters who are So Complicated and truly i feel myself pulling an abed nadir and trying to meta game people in real life so fiction feels like nothing to me now <3
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Where have you gone?
we're still stuck in the McDonald's Play Place and the wifi here sucks
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What’s one look/outfit/aesthetic you’d like to see tzp in (could be in film, fashion, casual, etc.)
CORSET.
i don't care what else he wear with it. just. put that man in a corset so i can objectify him (more)
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kinard-buckley · 1 month
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For honesty hour: why did you block the last person you blocked on social media?
a Take i didn't agree with!!! (i unblocked them a little while later. i usually hit the block button to get the Takes off my dash and then the post-block clarity hits so i go back later and unblock)
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As happy as I am that Sheogorath won, I can't help but feel sadness at Martin's loss. All those years I spent shipping him with my HoK feel as though they were for nothing. While I revel in this victory, I also share in your sadness.
🫂 Thank you.
I have to go 🤢 kiss Sheogorath now.
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daswarschonkaputt · 2 years
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The chair when Porsche breaks is beautiful and heart rending and so true to form for what he was going through. For DVD commentary though, what was Kinn doing during this time? What was he thinking? Did Khun come and yell at him? What was his response?
i'm assuming you mean chapter instead of chair? i'm guessing autocorrect reared its ugly head here.
i'm so glad someone asked about this, lol. one of the real struggles of this fic has been knowing what kinn's thinking at all times and not ever really communicating it, beyond what porsche picks up. there's actually quite a lot going on with him this chapter, so i'll pick apart a few moments:
After months of casual touches and thoughtless displays of ownership, there’s something deeply uncomfortable about sitting next to Kinn, each of them wooden and unmoving, an inch of obsessively-maintained space between them at all times. Porsche is furious at it, and all it represents – and simultaneously pathetically, painfully grateful for it.
okay so this is one of the first scenes in the chapter: the car ride back from the hotel to the compound. we've cut straight to the aftermath, and we don't really hear much about the immediate morning after they had sex whilst porsche was drugged. i wanted to convey palpable awkwardness with this scene.
what's going through kinn's mind right now? well, kinn is very aware he crossed a line with porsche. he's aware he's done something wrong, and feels a fair bit of guilt for it -- but he's pushed that down in favour of being functional. he doesn't know how to position himself in the light of what happened, especially because porsche's reaction upon waking up was just to sort of sit there, incredibly traumatised.
kinn spends a lot of the two earliest chapters shamelessly inserting himself into porsche's space, and putting his hands on porsche. i mentioned a few times in the comments section that this was about power. kinn felt that by controlling the ways that he and porsche touch (being the one to touch, being the one to move porsche, always being the aggressor) he could hide the power porsche already unknowingly held against him. but here, kinn's realising that his quest to make himself feel more secure has come at the price of some fundamental part of porsche.
so, he retreats. he doesn't touch. he doesn't invade porsche's space. he doesn't look at him.
this is very much the start of kinn attempting to respect porsche's boundaries, which becomes foundational to their relationship as it progresses.
There’s a moment, over the car, where their eyes meet. Kinn breaks first. “Pete,” he says, turning to the two bodyguards climbing out of the front of the car. “Have a doctor sent up to my rooms in an hour.” [...] The word bursts out of Porsche’s mouth with unexpected vehemence. “ No.” Kinn turns to him, eyes glinting dangerously. “Excuse me?”
of course, it wouldn't be kinn/porsche without some give and take. respecting porsche's boundaries also means respecting when porsche says no to things involving his body -- not just not touching him. kinn isn't so great at that yet. as you can see, he's fully prepared to force the issue of the doctor. kinn doesn't fully get the extent of porsche's issues with him yet. he still sees porsche as a subordinate, who should do as he's told.
he'll get there.
“Okay,” Porsche says, voice twisted with sardonic bitterness. “If it’s for intel.” He fists his hands in his shirt, still stained with his drink from last night, and wrenches it open. Buttons fly. Pete flinches. Porsche rips the item off his torso, and throws it at Kinn. “Run your tests,” he says. “And leave me the hell alone.”
man if i could write one bit in kinn pov from the earlier chapters, i'd want it to be this scene. because porsche has been so quiet, so withdrawn, in the aftermath of the night they spent together, this is the first time he's really gotten angry with kinn, and really pushed back hard. this is one of the first glimpses kinn gets of how fucked up porsche is by what happened.
kinn's pretty affected by this, although he doesn't really show it openly. i think at this at this point, he decides that he's going to respect porsche's wishes here. that it's important that he does respect porsche's wishes here. porsche asks to be left alone -- so kinn leaves him alone. for the entire chapter.
Kinn doesn’t come to the room that night. Porsche lies on their bed, surrounded by the scent of him, and doesn’t sleep a wink.
things would have gone very differently, i feel, if kinn had come to the room that night. i actually think they maybe would have talked earlier, but i don't think it would have been good for their longterm relationship development. longterm, porsche needed to know that kinn would respect his autonomy. he needed to know that kinn was capable of listening when he said no.
anyway, kinn spends the night elsewhere, probably in a guest bedroom. he drops by early in the morning, quietly, and leaves the test results from the drink-on-shirt spillage on the dresser.
and we get this:
There’s a sheet of folded paper on the dresser. Porsche frowns. He hadn’t heard anyone come in last night, but then again, he wasn’t really in the best place to notice an incursion. He looks around for some other sign of disturbance, and finds none. Porsche picks it up, and unfolds it. His hands falter. Sample tested positive for gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB). Negative for all other substances.
so obviously, kinn isn't intending for his little paperwork drop off to trigger an incident where porsche covers himself in hairdye and strangles himself, but that's obviously one of the effects. he drops the paper off without talking to porsche because he's trying to keep porsche appraised of what's going on, without porsche having to talk to him. (because porsche told kinn to leave him alone.)
this... well. you know. porsche doesn't respond well to this.
Tankhun’s head appears in the doorway. “Come tell Hom which products are yours.” “Oh. None of them,” Porsche answers. Tankhun makes a face. “Fine. We’ll just take Kinn’s.” Then, darkly, “Serves him right.” He ducks back into the bathroom.
tankhun! my former favourite character! so obviously, here, tankhun is pretty upset with kinn, because to him, porsche just got almost kidnapped? and kinn's just sort of left him there to struggle? and clearly porsche is struggling a lot. the blue hairdye meant that tankhun could see pretty clearly porsche had tried to strangle himself, and tankhun put that together with the bruising on porsche's neck when they first met, and now he's just really upset with kinn.
following this, tankhun does go and read kinn the riot act, and kinn sort of takes it before telling him to stay out of it. it's not a great feeling to listen to tankhun's rant, because tankhun is laying the blame at kinn's feet a little, like this is your boyfriend, why aren't you looking after him? and kinn's not arguing back because he knows what's wrong with porsche is his fault, but tankhun is wrong because the one thing that would make it all worse is kinn showing up and trying to make a production out of taking care of porsche.
Tae’s gaping at him. “Keep your bike,” Porsche spits, “and stay the fuck away from me.”
tae ends this encounter by immediately going and talking to kinn, like, "hey bestie i think i really upset your boyfriend," to which kinn replies, "it's not you he's upset with."
essentially, kinn spends the week after the diamond auction with everyone around him in his life telling him that something's wrong with porsche, like, hey maybe go fix your boyfriend, and kinn's unable to tell them that he can't, because he's the one that broke him to begin with. and with every new story he hears, the guilt worsens.
because porsche isn't getting better. if anything, it seems like porsche is just getting worse and worse and worse.
“I’ll let you go,” Khun Korn says. He stands. “Kinn’ll be in his rooms, at this hour.”
okay, so the khun korn chess conversation happens immediately after porsche nearly drowns himself in the pool. what we don't see as a reader is what happens behind these two scenes.
by the time he's fishing porsche out of the pool, chan has received porsche's report on the diamond auction, kinn initiated a sexual encounter with me and all. he's already concerned, and then he finds porsche in the pool, and that concern becomes a pressing matter.
he leaves porsche with khun korn, and goes to find kinn, who, like khun korn says, is in his rooms at that hour. chan tells kinn that he wants to put porsche on psychiatric leave. kinn pushes back against this for a variety of reasons, but chiefly, because if porsche goes on psychiatric leave, kinn has to confront the fact that he's done something irreparable to porsche, that the burgeoning whatever they had between them can never be regained, that he's completely and utterly fucked everything up.
and he's not ready to grieve that, quite yet.
kinn finishes this conversation with chan, and finds porsche in his rooms.
“Well, then what do you want, Porsche?” Kinn asks. “Because I sure as hell can’t figure it out. You ask me to stay away from you, and then you show up here. You don’t want me to apologise, but you’re clearly pissed at me. Your motives are a fucking mystery to me, right now, and I don’t have time to play your little mind games and figure them out.”
hmm, i wonder what previous relationship kinn could have had that made him think he had to play mind games with porsche to figure out what's going on in his head? hmm, i wonder where we might lay that blame. truly, a mystery for the ages.
jokes aside, i'll draw your attention to this paragraph from a later chapter:
Kinn can guess at what Tae wanted to say. “Tawan and I fought,” he says. “I just didn’t talk about it, much.” It upset Tawan, the idea that Kinn would badmouth him to their friends every time they had a disagreement. It made the experience of fighting with Tawan feel—isolating, sometimes. He didn’t even like it if Kinn talked about it with his family. At the time, he thought it was because Tawan desperately wanted to be liked, approved of, by Kinn’s loved ones. He thought a lot of things at the time.
the tawan/kinn past relationship was incredibly dysfunctional, and i would probably class as vaguely emotionally abusive on tawan's side. tawan cut kinn off from his support network very effectively, to the extent that kinn ended up lashing out at kim, when he came to kinn with concerns about tawan. i didn't end up going into too much detail here, but kinn's obsession with maintaining power in his relationships is entirely due to what happened with tawan, and the way tawan played games during their time together.
when tawan was upset, kinn wasn't allowed to talk to his family about it. kinn had to guess what he'd done and make amends.
so, he's reactionary, when he sees porsche as doing the same.
Kinn looks up at the ceiling, and then looks down at Porsche. “Khun is pissed at me because he thinks I broke you,” he says. “After your stunt today at the pool, Chan wants to put you on psychiatric leave. My father – and for the record, every other functioning member of our family – is breathing down my neck because the attempted kidnapping of a major family member has every one of our enemies convinced that now is the right time to strike – and on top of all that, the Compound laundry girl is refusing to service my room, and when pressed for an explanation she simply told me that I should ask you. You won’t let me apologise, you won’t sleep in our rooms, you threw Tae’s gift back in his face – so Porsche, I mean this wholeheartedly: what the hell do you want from me?”
every time kinn hears from someone about how he's messed up porsche, he feels guiltier, and every time he feels guiltier, he also feels angrier. because what can he do? how can he make it right? he's trying to do what porsche wants, but everyone around him is yelling at him telling him that he's being a bad boyfriend for doing so. the dam bursts here, and he finally says what's going through his head.
he's as lost as porsche is.
Porsche lowers his hand, hooking his fingers into Kinn’s belt loops, and that’s when Kinn pushes him away.
kinn kisses porsche, but when porsche moves to initiate something sexual, kinn backs off. he doesn't want to push porsche too far. he doesn't want porsche to do something with him he'll regret.
He’s breathing through his nose. Porsche feels a little thrill of victory at it – the knowledge that Kinn isn’t nearly as unaffected as he likes to pretend. He tilts his head. Curls his lip. “What?” he asks, a vicious kind of dare. “Too lucid for you?” Kinn’s face twists. Porsche thinks for a second he might hit him, and in that moment, he almost wants him to. Go on Kinn, Porsche thinks. Prove yourself as awful as I know you are. But Kinn doesn’t. He just closes his eyes, and breathes. Porsche looks at him, and thinks that he’s never hated anyone as much as this.
this is bait from porsche. he's trying to get kinn to do something to him, so kinn will prove himself the monster in his head. and kinn knows that. and he just can't. so even though he's furious with porsche, furious at the barb (too lucid for you? ouch) he visibly reins himself in.
Porsche’s hands go slack in Kinn’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” he says, uselessly, reflexively. He moves to step away, to put the distance back between them, to try and return to whatever tortured stalemate they had before he fucked it all up. Kinn stops him. The hand in his hair curls around his cheek. Kinn’s looking at him. “Do you want this?” he asks.
this is the moment when kinn realises how he can make it better. he makes it better by letting porsche have control. he makes it better by finally letting porsche take the role of the instigator, the aggressor. he lets porsche figure out what he wants.
if porsche wants something from kinn, kinn gives it to him. he gives up control, just this once.
He feels a weight on his cheek. Porsche looks up to see Kinn looking down at him, a soft hand on his cheek. He can read the unspoken question in Kinn’s eyes, Do you want to stop?
i think the fun thing this chapter is that porsche characterises giving someone a blowjob as an example of taking control -- in his mind, it isn't submissive, it's dominant, because you are giving someone else pleasure -- you are in control of them. kinn doesn't really see it the same way, necessarily -- he doesn't understand why it's important to porsche that porsche does this.
do you want to stop? because kinn doesn't need porsche to return the favour. this is about porsche.
the other fun bit about the blowjob scene is that kinn is completely unaware of porsche's relative inexperience. this is one of the things i really want to be clear about: kinn thinks porsche has experience with men.
it's not, like, an unreasonable assumption. porsche was hired to be kinn's fake boyfriend, and porsche has expressed no discomfort whatsoever about this, or about what it will say about his sexuality, or even about being touched by another man to sell the ruse. kinn knows porsche has been with women, but he thinks porsche is an established bisexual.
so kinn is really oblivious, during this part of the fic, to the fact that the diamond auction was essentially porsche's first time with a man. if he knew then, he would have had all sorts of feelings about it, i think.
it's really funny to me, because kinn is a super slut. he's slept with so many guys. and he gets his entire world rocked by a guy who's never given a blowjob before.
they're so fucking gone on each other it's insane.
Later, lying in Kinn’s bed, staring up at the camera lens in the ceiling, Porsche finds the strength to speak. “I want to hear it.” He feels Kinn shift next to him. “Hear what?” Porsche swallows past the lump in his throat. “Your apology.” “Oh,” Kinn says. “I’m sorry, Porsche. About that night, at the hotel. There was a line, and I crossed it. I wish—I wish I hadn’t done those things to you, when you were like that.”
apology scene my beloved! i really, really like this scene. one of my favourite bits of the fic.
a few things about this one: kinn's apology is short, and to the point. he has been thinking about this all week. he has been waiting for a chance to say these words to porsche for a long time -- waiting for the moment porsche comes to find him. and the words held a lot of weight for him, before he and porsche slept together. now they're easier to bear.
the other thing is that i struggled with the wording of it a lot. i wanted it to be clear what he was talking about, but i didn't think kinn would be like. super specific. i knew he would use euphemisms. "a line, and i crossed it."/"when you were like that."
i also thought it was important to qualify the statement -- when you were like that. kinn doesn't deny that he wanted to have sex with porsche. he specifically identifies the issue: porsche was drugged.
Porsche stays there. “I want to wear my own clothes,” he says, when he’s built up the nerve. “And a phone. And I want to see my brother.” Kinn presses his lips against Porsche’s nape. “Okay,” he says.
kinn would have given porsche literally anything he asked for in that moment. he's indulgent with the people he loves. and i think it settles something in him, that what porsche chooses to ask for, with his new power over kinn, are simple, easy things. his own clothes. a phone. a visit to his brother. it makes the fact that he's given up his power over porsche, that he's let porsche see how much he cares back -- it makes it all less terrifying.
he can trust this one.
tawan would have taken so much more from him. and i think that's one of the important things about kinn, and his relationship with porsche: realising that the things that came from tawan, mean different things coming from porsche. kinn trusts that porsche won't ask for more than he can give. and porsche never does.
in later chapters, there are echoes, between porsche and tawan. but kinn never puts them next to each other, never compares. because he knows that they're completely different.
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thatgirl4815 · 2 years
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My biggest character flaw is that if Vegas looked at me with tears in his eyes and said he was sorry, I’d probably forgive him.
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