#honored to share a bday month with him

[newttxt]

happy birthday, luffy!

ive wanted to draw this screencap for monthssss

original

[icewindandboringhorror]

Baby boy brother birthday photos from last year that I just realized I never uploaded!

[httpknjoon]

year-end affair | ksj

plot | Everyone heard nothing from you when Jin's birthday came. Only for you to reveal something during your appearance on The Tonight Show a month later.

words | 1625

genres | humor/crack, fluff, actors!au

pairing | actor!jin x famous!reader

note | usernames used in the fic are all fictional.  this was set in December 2021 and January 2022. This is an early birthday post for Jin's birthday! enjoy reading! feel free to send questions for yn and jin :))

main masterlist | drabble series

It was the beginning of December 2021. Just a few days early from Jin’s birthday. Your fans were already posting on social media about the special event. Some would have some charity event in their favorite actor’s honor. Some are already ready to publish online contents, which includes everyone changing their display picture as one of Jin’s meme pictures. But what really everyone is waiting for is a birthday greeting from someone…

@/y/nbestgxrl : and if y/n posts another bts shenanigans with jin…

@/loverjin : everyone’s waiting for y/n to post something today like its an annual bday tradition 😭

replying to @/loverjin

-@/blueskies : it IS a tradition

But then, the fourth of December came. The fans posted millions of their greetings to Jin for the whole twenty-four hours. A commemorative hashtag was on top of the trend list until the next day, #HappyBirthdayJin. 

@/12seokjin04 : we still have four hours left

replying to @/12seokjin04

-@/connie37291037284 : four hours for what?

– @/lovefoolforynjin : y/n still haven’t posted anything 😩

@/YNJINUpdates: @/YNOFFICIAL honey is your wifi broken again

Everyone waited. But you remained quiet on social media. Your last social media post was a picture of Franchescat in a sushi costume, which your cat obviously hates. But you shared a couple of Instagram stories after that. The latest was in the last week of November. So they expected that you are not fully on a social media break. You don’t have any known public appearance too. 

A few days later, you didn’t attend the premiere of Don’t Look Up, a movie you lead in. But your account simply retweeted a Netflix tweet about the release of the movie. Your fans were curious if there was an issue going on between you and Jin as you didn’t post anything for the so-called tradition. It didn’t help that the gossip news outlets milked the sudden coldness of your and Jin’s social media accounts.

“Please welcome, the star of the two films, From The Other Side and Don’t Look Up, Y/N!”

The Roots played a snippet of Mayer Hawthorne’s The Walk as Jimmy Fallon introduced you. You entered through a big, blue curtain, gracefully dancing to the rhythm. The studio audience cheered and clapped as you stun them with your black Atelier Versace dress and matching thigh-high boots. You and Jimmy danced around, with him twirling you around before you sat on the spruce blue sofa.

“Hi, guys!” you greeted everyone as you shifted on your seat, and everyone cheered in response.

Jimmy clapped, “It’s so nice to see you. You look fantastic!”

“Oh, thank you.” you smiled. 

This is your fourth time guesting on The Tonight Show and Jimmy always made sure to make you comfortable. Unlike the other late-night host you went to before. He was genuine and even dropped by the green room before the show, to have a quick chat with you.

“Thank you for coming to the show again! Congratulations on your two recent films!” he exclaimed. “Don’t Look Up is still one of the most-watched films on Netflix today even after weeks of release! I watched it and it was so hilarious. Adam Mckay, who was one of my good friends and colleague from SNL, wrote and directed the film. How was it working with an amazing cast?”

“Oh my god. It was a dream come true. I almost died when I saw Meryl Streep entering the set. She is one of the actresses I look up to. Then, Ariana, who is a very amazing person–”

“Yeah, she’s the best.” Jimmy agreed.

“We would go to each other’s trailers every time. She is so fun to be with! We would pull childish pranks on Jonah or Timmy.”

“Speaking of Timothee Chalamet, isn’t this like your third film with him?”

You nodded, “That’s right! We’re getting tired of seeing each other on set at this point.”

Everyone laughed, including Jimmy. “But you two have great chemistry together! Lady Bird was amazing and so are your versions of Amy and Laurie from Greta Gerwig’s Little Women.”

“Thank you, Jimmy.”

Other than Jin, Timothee is the actor you often collaborate with. He is a great guy and very nice to work with. Hailey told you before that your fandom with Jin and with Timothee would sometimes have bantered on the internet. Especially when the other gets content and the other doesn’t.

“And now, you have another movie coming up.” he moved to another topic. “And you were one of the producers!”

You smiled, “Yes. It’s From The Other Side, written and directed by Emerald Fennell. I worked with her in Promising Young Woman. So, I already said yes to doing it when she tap me in for the lead role. It feels so great to work with her again.”

“You told me backstage that it’s a suspense film, right?”

“Yes! It will be a thriller movie mixed with a bit of comedy. It centers around the commonly overlooked issues and efforts women had to go through to attain equal respect and recognition as the other sex.” you explained.

“That sounds great! I saw the trailer for this and I have to say, the visual aesthetic for it is really eye-catching.” Jimmy noted.

You nodded, “I know! Everyone really worked hard in doing this film.”

“And it’s coming out this weekend! It must have been a great head start of the year for you.” he said.

“It is. It is.” you beamed. 

It was only the first month of 2022 and you cannot deny how happy you are to have another movie out now. You’ve been working consistently for the last decade and you don’t think you’ll be stopping anytime soon.

“By the way, I heard you welcomed the new year on the other side of the world?” Jimmy punned and he highlighted those words with his tone.

You gasped and giggled cheekily, pointing a finger at him, “That was good! I like that! And yes. I did. I and my close friends flew to South Korea. It’s my first time celebrating the New Year ahead of everyone here and out of the country.”

Just by the mention of the country, the audience cheered again. You didn’t even mention who these friends were. But they seemed pretty aware since everyone knows a certain person, who’s close to you and had connections from South Korea.

“Yeah? How was it?”

“It was amazing! We really got to see and enjoy the culture there since my friend basically became our tour guide. We stayed there for like a couple of weeks and he made our stay in this traditional Airbnb. It was winter and I remembered I was almost frozen when I forgot to turn on the heater.” you told him, making everyone laugh.

Jimmy pulled out one of the few pictures you let the producers have since you haven’t really posted about it online. It was you wearing layers of clothes to warm up yourself in the chilly weather of the East Asian country. You were wearing a cap, a pastel pink scarf (that almost covers half of your face, baby blue mittens, and crazy layers of clothes. You were unrecognizable. Someone would have to stare you in the eye to recognize you.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“You look so cute! What is the most memorable thing that happened during your stay there?” Jimmy asked.

You let out a sigh as you think of it, “Probably when we visited my friend’s family and we were wearing hanbok, which is their traditional clothes. Then, they gave us a lot of gifts. I feel like a child all over again.”

“Well… is there any chance we know this friend of yours?” Jimmy tried to ask with a teasing tone. 

You laughed before acting coy, “Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.” Jimmy acted disappointed and everyone laughed including you. You consoled him, “Nice try though, Jimmy.”

“I know.” he was looking down, still in his act. Until The Roots played a snippet of another song again. Jimmy looked up to the camera, “Y/N, everybody. We’ll be right back!”

Twitter’s top trends for that night were all connected to that interview. Y/N, SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA, JIN, CLOSE FRIEND, WHAT, FAMILY. The best word that would describe is probably mindblown. Especially when you finally posted pictures and clips from your New Year’s celebration in Seoul an hour after your late-night show appearance. 

‘Nice to be back after a month-long break :)’ your caption says.

Most of the pictures and videos were captured candidly. And one of them includes a clip where you were seen throwing snowballs at someone and an easily recognizable laugh can be heard in the background.

@/gratefulstar : what the fuck???? y/n was with jin the whole time

@/jinandyncats : we’re on the endgame, guys. she already met his extended family 💘💘

@/PopCrave : Jin and Y/N photographed together in a ski resort back in South Korea, taken last December 28, 2021.

It was a blurry set of pictures and the two actors are hard to recognize due to their thick clothes. But the height difference and the same clothes you were wearing in the picture Jimmy showed on the show confirmed that it was you and Jin. Jin was holding you by the waist while you were leaning your head on his shoulder.

replying to @/PopCrave

-@/thankunecks : OMG THEY ARE SO CUTE

–@/winnerswift : the height difference 😭😭 the hand on her waist😭😭

—@/ynbxstactxrss : they look so tiny with their clothes esp y/n 😭💞

@/francheskatparents: does anyone wants to be my close friend? one who will fly me to the other side of the planet to meet their family? 🤔

replying to @/francheskatparents

-@/thatsjinzero: and celebrate new year’s with them 🤔🤔

taglist rules

THE A-LISTERS TAGLIST

@seolaquotes @jub-jub @yoontaethings @kissme-ornot @dayyy-siii @sleepy-daydreams @veronawrites @cuteipat @ratherbefangirling @babystarcandy-gcf @akirawhore @alpacaparkaseok @rjsmochii @prlan @lovesickbangtan @zealouslightcookiebasketball @rapmonie2047 @btsiguess-kpop @angelarin @walkinganxiety0 @bloopkook @stopeatread @yoooonie @amara-mars @firesighgirl @zwiehe

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@dunixxd​ @cixrosie​ @moonchild1 ​ @jksjx​ @embrace-themagic ​ @buttvi​  @starbtslove​  @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @barbiekatz @pixybear

[thisismeracing]

Go shawty | MS47

―Pairing: Mick Schumacher x fem!reader ―Warnings: curse words, a few dirty jokes, and typos; ―Summary: Every year Yn gets Mick a unique birthday cake. This year she's ready to surprise the internet and her boyfriend again. (bday boy special)

▸ my masterlist | my taglist | patreon guide ▸ support my writing by reblogging, leaving a comment (don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece), or buying me a coffee

20

yourusername

liked by callum_iliott, ginaschumacher, and others

yourusername birthday boyyy ❤️

view all comments

jackdoohan not the song reference 😂

mickschumacher thank you for giving me the best gift ever ❤️

⤷ yourusername birthday sex?

⤷ mickschumacher I was going to say your company, but that suits too 😁🤣

⤷ arthur_leclerc you guys remember that this us a public account and youre public people, right?! 😭

formulafan 😍😍

iganon can’t wait for the ferrari photoshoot!

21

yoursername

liked by arthur_leclerc, logansargeant, and others

yourusername the past few months were Shrek-obsessed months so in honor of that the bday cake this year is Shrek-themed lol happy birthday, love! ily! 💚

view all comments

mickschumacher you’re my fav oger

mickschumacher I love you!

mickschumacher I’m kidding, you’re my beauty queen, my princess 😘

⤷ estebanocon is that you typing? blink if you need help

⤷ yourusername haha you guys are so funny 🙄

ginaschumacher not the Shrek cake Yn wtf 😂😂😭😭😭

schumirrari baby angieeee

charles_leclerc happy birthday, mate! 🥳

22

yourusername

liked by lance_stroll, jackdoohan, and others

yourusername happy twenty-two, love. I'm glad you made it just in time!

view all comments

raintyres16 she's so unserious LOL

⤷ haaschumacher ikr!!! I was just scrooling through her bday posts

pierregasly LOL happy birthday, mick!

mickschumacher omg Liebling 🤣

mickschumacher I love you so so much, thank you for sharing yet another year with me ❤️

sebclerc I want what they have 😭

interlagosgp I love how she’s not afraid of being funny and open with the public

hammert1m3 another March 22nd another field day for schumacher’s pr team LMAO

23

yourusername

liked by estebanocon, sebastianvettel, and others

yourusername it's actually bigger, but I couldn't let the joke slide hehe 😇🩵

view all comments

mickschumacher brb on my way to train harder

⤷ yourusername you can train as hard as you want, my love will always be bigger 💋

⤷ mickschumacher cute, but its a lie, my love is bigger ❤️

ginaschumacher how can you guys be funny and cute at the same time but also a pain in the ass?

⤷ yourusername you can just say I’m your fav 😌

jackdoohan I knew the second I posted it you would zoom on him and ignore everything else

⤷ yourusername would you care about the ocean when you’re in front of those mountains?

⤷ strollocon LMFAO YN YOUR LOCA

lewisbrasileiro she’s my fav wag ever

midnighttracks no but the second pic was def a video and now I wanna watch it 🥹🥹

fan4447 even seb liked it bruh hahaha

24

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, and others

yourusername no comments! 😁🤭🩷 I love you, birthday boy!

view all comments

mickcedes not the sidewalk drawing 😭😭😭😭

landonorris mick.jpg when?

⤷ piastripastry do you wanna give their pr even more work?

⤷ yourusername thats actually a good idea!!!

⤷ estebanocon oh uh- 🫣

mickschumacher how are you so creative? I love your mind

mickschumacher and your smile, your body, your voice…

⤷ maryasainz bruh pls respect the single people

fortysevenfiftyfive great now I want my gf to bake me special cakes every bday 😤

25

yourusername

liked by fabioquartararo20, georgerussell63, and others

yourusername can you imagine 😁 (it's just a joke, guys, again I couldn't let it slide, and before y'all freak out: no, I'm not preggo nor do we plan on getting any time soon) 🖤

view all comments

mickschumacher you love stirrinf the pot huh

mickschumacher I love you

⤷ yourusername I love you mooooore

ginaschumacher no bc I AM ready to be an auntie, cmon you two

⤷ yourusername do you support teen pregnancy? Wtf gina!!!

⤷ estebanocon yn, bestie, you’re 24…

⤷ yourusername exactly!!!

lewishamilton love you guys 😂

lance_stroll no bday wishes will ever beat yn’s

────── ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hi! I hope you guys liked this piece! It was kinda short, but I felt like posting something for our simp club! :D let me know your thoughts!

If you liked this piece and want early access to new ones and exclusive access to others, subscribe to my patreon!💘

▸ check my main masterlist | patreon guide and my taglist.

taglist: @sachaa-ff @mickslover @mishaandthebrits @fdl305 @iloveyou3000morgan @crimeshowjunkie @saintslewis @carojasmin2204 @chaoticevilbakugo @wondergirl101ks @smiithys @shhhchriss @f1kota @lunnnix @karmabyfernando @crashingwavesofeuphoria @schumacheer @callsign-scully @dearxcherry @elliegrey2803 @peachiicherries @he6rtshaker @therealcap @mehrmonga @the-depressed-fellow @cixrosie @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart @nichmeddar @fastcarsandshit @balekanemohafe @jamie2305 @nzygftoji @leclercsluv @graciewrote @alessioayla @littlesatanicassholebitch @barcelonaloverf1life @noncannonships @fanboyluvr @is-just-a @love4lando @woozarts @namgification @formulaal @v1naco @skepvids @khaylin27 @bernelflo @fakehappy27

©thisismeracing ― do not copy, steal, or translate my work; do not repost on a different media platform.

― Reminder: None of the pictures used are mine, they are all from Pinterest and other apps, but the work is, and I do not allow it to be published on a different platform. I would appreciate it if those things could be taken into consideration 💛

[kanmom51]

Your favourite Jikook moments from 2021! Go! (Only from this year, not content from last year that was released this year)

Great post for New Year's eve.

It's funny how during this year there was crying and complaining there isn't any Minkook going on. "They must be split", "they don't ride together anymore", "it's over" and so forth blah blah blah, kind of a replay of 2020, well until around October that is.

So, with all of this crying and complaining, 2021 was another huge Minkook year. So many moments to choose from, and yet I need to pick my favourite ones out of the lot, which is not an easy task, I can tell you that.

I will limit myself to 5 favourite moments, otherwise this post will never end. The order of mention is coincidental.

So here we go:

My favourite 2021 Minkook moments

JM’s bday live, of course. How can that not be in my top 5, eh?

I got a whole masterlist to prove how this birthday as a whole and this Vlive in particular in up there as one of the best 2021 Minkook moments.

19 Feb 2021 BTS OT7 Vlive –

Do we actually remember this was an ot7 Vlive? Where JK & JM aware of it? Did anyone tell them? Because man, JK and JM were kind in their own world for that one.

This clip kind of encapsulates the vibe going on there (thanks anon for sharing):

RM note to self: "Don't let those two sit next to each other during a live, like EVER."

He managed to stick to plan for a few months, good for him, lol.

LA 3rd day concert 'So what' impulsive brave JK

What words can incapsulate this moment. JK impulsive and brave. JM all blushed and shy. And the aftermath, JK gathering himself, knowing just how big that was and JM bitch slapping him (is it ok to say bitch slapping? Well, I'm saying it).

This moment here is one for the books.

Next moment happened during A butterful getaway with BTS. I guess you already know what moment I'm talking about. JK’s reaction to JM's photo card. The whole thing. JM's card curiously ending up in JK's hand (not so much a coincidence, more like JK making it happen, lol), and then JK, well JK, that smirk, grunt and

That was a happy proud boy just there.

Oh, and the reactions, well JM going all shy-giggly, RM bracing for impact as JK grunts and Suga, open mouthed Suga, hilarious.

And as for Tae, yet another one of those moments where Tae turns out to be a Minkook supporter.

TMA’s 2021 Jikook – JK’s confidence, JM’s blushy shyness, their smiles, interactions, JK's magnificent powers of teleportation.

Oops, I said I'd limit myself to 5 favourite moments, but I just cannot not mention this:

LA 2021. No need for words here.

Honourable mention:

These ones didn't make it to my top 5 (well, top 6) list, but I still felt the need to mention them.

The hickey – I know, I know, the hickey happened in 2020, but the decision to release an unknown moment, one that could have easily stayed unknown for all eternity, the decision to show it to us in 3 clips (JK arriving with the hickey, JM explaining it and then JK explaining it while caressing it) that is happened this year, and that is definitely worth a mention. And if I am mentioning the decision to add it to the official content, then how can I not mention JK & JM's reaction on the day of said content release, and after it was trending on sm? Both brave amazing young men sending us a clear message (well, to those who are willing to hear it) with two consecutive selfies.

Butter photo - one more of those that don't need words.

Run episode 137 - JK’s mom's "Jiminah sarangae".

It's the straight up "I love you", it's JM's reaction, well JK's too. JM was so happy, just kept mentioning it, lol. Just look at that happy face. How can that not get an honorable mention?

Butter Karaoke BTB - Rabbit spicey spit…

Yeah JM, we get it. Bunny spit is spicy, especially after eating spicy fried chicken? Ahm...

Jhope's and JK's reaction to JM's naughtiness...

The UN speech and Vlive that followed. JK turning to JM while he was talking, showing him he is attentive to him, supporting him, and later also during the live, telling the others to stop teasing JM. Just JK being the loving supportive bf that he is.

What does it say when the Vminkook LA Vlive doesn't even make it to the top 6 or even the honourable mentions? Food for thought 🤔😉.

[morkofday]

Now that this hell year is almost over let’s celebrate the good things! If you’re receiving this it means you have made someone’s year better. Tell who on tumblr has made this year better for you (as many people as you like, it can be something as small as liking your posts or sending something sweet) and share some of the content you’ve enjoyed (your own or others)

thank you so much dear anon! ♥ I am happy to know that I’ve managed to make someone’s year at least a tiny bit better :’) as a year on tumblr, this year has been very special to me personally so am happy to know that someone has felt that too!

this is going to be a huge list so be warned! putting it under the cut bc of that~

@i-am-just-a-kiddo you are and will always be on this list first and foremost. you and our friendship is the best thing I have gotten from this hellsite and I continue being thankful for it ♥ I always have so much fun talking to you, you support me so unconditionally, share things with me and allow me to just yell about things every day! you never get bored of that endless stream of random nonsense I pour on you and it means so much to me ♥ I also feel honored to share your things, to see your paintings and read your writings and just be there for you. let’s hope the next year will be kinder to us and the world in general! and hey, maybe you get into guardian at some point heh (and thank you for getting into so many things with me this year already!)

@leonzhng I think I said this at some point too but you were the reason why I got into this community we have going on with @mdzsnet and gave me the confidence to just approach ppl here and love things together ♥ you are always so sweet and kind and lovable and I appreciate you doing all the things you do. your edits are amazing and inspirational and I love all the tag games we keep throwing around :’D 

@ashenwren you!! you are amazing and I’m so happy to have gotten to know you through our network :’) I am excited every day when I get to talk to you, even if it’s just for a moment as our timezones make everything kind of difficult :’D it’s just so nice to share mdzs and dmbj with you, to help you get into these dramas, to share all these ideas and thoughts we have, to share our different cultures and languages and whatnot. you are always so supportive and excited and kind and I wish I could hug you sometimes! I hope I still can write something more for pingxie and that I get to see a ton of your art! ♥

then to all the wonderful ppl in our network who have made my tumblr experience so wonderful this year, who keep being kind and amazing and full of so much talent! to @manhasetardis @aheartfullofjolllly @bees0are0awesome @highwarlockkareena @yibobibo @linglynz @yiqiie @wangxiians @leoyunxi @tiesanjiao @lan-xichens @oneautumnfox @aowyn @wangxianbunnydoodles @weiwuxcian and many others who I might have forgotten: I enjoy seeing you in my notes so much, I enjoy all of your content, seeing us all interact with each other and just being very friendly and welcoming ♥ I am thankful every day that I got to join this network and learn to know so many! continue being awesome and have a nice upcoming year :’)

then quickly to:

@lzswy thank you for loving my music and wanting to know me! I hope we get to talk some more and feel free to push music my way too, am always ready to drown in songs :’)

@kholran thank you for doing my tag games and allowing me to talk to you, to call you my friend, and share my love for liu sang! I will once again tell you that your fic (link here if anyone reading this is interested) was amazing and I hope we get to talk some more! 

and then thank you to all the ppl who I see in my notes all the time and leave amazing tags and just love me with interacting with my content and sometimes making it more known and just giving it their all: @btssjamss @a-force-dyad-in-space @cuppyhands @mylastbraincql @drwcn @fytheuntamed @distantsnows @brutalbeetle @intimisky @kazaore @inessencedevided @bluebelle88 @actualmichelle @sassyassassy @thebeautifulmacabre @merinnan @inkblue-black and many others who I might not recognize or remember or find right now! or who I have already mentioned in the network part bc you guys are awesome like that :’) especially when I have tried out new things this year and have dipped into new fandoms and reached out of this mdzs pit I am still in and unwilling to leave ♥ but you are still there and like my content haha

and then I want to mention some of my favorite works this year (I’ll try to pick one per month from my archives oh boy): 

@i-am-just-a-kiddo‘s amazing niemo fic that owns my heart, soul, and the never to be born firstborn ♥ 

@bloody-bee-tea‘s amazing mdzs related fics that always just make my heart clench but also bring me so much joy!

this amazing wangxian edit that still shatters me

this amazing wwx edit by hanyi ♥ @leonzhng I love the quote in this and this breaks me in all the best ways!

@fytheuntamed‘s whole the untamed memes series that single-handedly has saved this year for me (tho I suppose this started earlier than this year but who cares, quality content either way)

this jc outfits collection post by @linglynz ♥ everything for my am-a-hoe-for-the-angry-purple-guy -needs

this amazing art by @/hana-tox that still gives me so many feels that I feel like bursting 

this stunning edit set for the best album that dropped this year, map of the soul: 7, by @/kassareo

this wangxian edit that inspired me a lot and still makes me catch my breath bc damn that looks gorgeous (by @/itsazbitch)

another very inspirational edit set by @/sammyholdsacandle (some might recognize which one of my edits got inspired by this a lot lol) 

this very beautiful post by @alienwlw that’s really just goals tbh 

@sarawatsaraleo‘s favorite the untamed scenes series, every one of these edits is a huge joy and so beautifully done! ♥

@tiesanjiao‘s wonderful, wonderful wangxian edit that keeps being my one of my favorites ever and just. inspires me to this day, I hope one day I can gif :’D ♥

another one of my absolute favorites is this edit by hanyi again ♥ you just have the best ideas and you make everything so pretty!

this soft but heartbreaking, delicate but so emotional edit by @gusucloud ♥ I think I’ve never loved an edit this much, it’s so pretty and absolutely perfect!

this edit by @highwarlockkareena bc wth, the coloring? the gifs themselves?? gosh it looks so pretty and I might cry

@tiesanjiao‘s wonderful gifset made for the gif challenge that was going around during this time ;; as I was slowly falling in love with the iron triangle and dmbj in general, this felt like a blessing ♥ 

these absolutely stunning pieces of art by @/tiphs 

this absolutely gorgeous post for wwx’s bday by @alienwlw (all of this is just. perfect?? the colors, the gifs, the scenes... everything!)

this gorgeous edit by @distantsnows that makes me smile and cry at the same time ♥

this edit also by @distantsnows that is just. pure perfection?? bc fuck yes, sect leader jaing yanli!! I love you for this one

this edit by @lanzhansmiles bc the colors are just absolutely stunning and I love how they both sit there like that and just? wow 

this edit just makes me feel so many things and just looks so dreamy by @cescedes 

this adorable but also very painful edit by @manhasetardis ♥ I love all about this one :’)

and as a shameless self-promo (bc apparently I haven’t done enough of that lol) I want to mention my wu xie edit which was just so much fun to do and turned out so great and. I just love him a lot ok, he’s a wonderful character and zhu yilong played him so well ♥

I wish you all – all the ppl mentioned here and all who see this and all who still do not – a very merry christmas, happy holidays, and happy new years too! I hope the year 2021 will treat us all well and that you will remain as amazing, lovely, and wonderful as you all have been! ♥ 

[wetheoriginals]

"tom posts full on photos of her eg her birthday and for dune." lemme go on a little rant here first of all tom's bday was an entire month before they went public and she did post a photo of him it was just on her story. she does not use her ig feed for personal stuff anymore it's only work related. it was not a flirty or lovey photo or caption like tom's was because they were not public yet. second of all tom posted a photo of her from the dune premiere, he never posted any dune trailers or commented on them or anything of the sort. the uncharted premiere has not happened yet, all we have is a trailer and zendaya commented on it and shared it on her story. to me this is all very comparable and no one is doing more or less than anyone else. now please get your heads out of your asses and stop trying to defend tom's honor or whatever it is you're trying to do when he's clearly happy with the way things are going like y'all are such weirdos

i defend z once LITERALLY ONCE and the tom stans go feral it's so weird how some people will claim to ship tomdaya yet actually hate one of them.

[yaz-the-spaz]

But I want to know your theory. :(

ok ok i guess i’ll spill…i was kinda hesitant to share just cause i’m still not all that solid in my belief in it myself but basically it seems like maybe ziam has made it a tradition to have some kind of couples trip most years (if not every year) in february ever since 2014…

(btw for future reference this ask is a continuation of this ask re ziam both being publicly in vegas earlier this year)

ugh sorry guys! hit enter by accident and posted this wayyyy before i was anywhere near finished lol…this will be updated within the hour (if it doesn’t take me too long to get my thoughts out)

narrator: she did not finish it within the hour.

…

ok so part of the reason i’ve been hesitant to share this is because a good portion of it is VERY speculative and just based on a lot of guesswork and assumptions, but also there’s the fact that it feels like this is something major that more people in the fandom (or at least someone, other than little ass me lol) would have noticed before now and it kind of freaks me out that maybe no one else has?? (unless ofc i just haven’t happened to see any other posts there are about it idk)… 

also fyi a lot of what i propose throughout this is heavily based on info from this post just to make sure i remember to site my sources before we get into it lol

alright now onto the actual theory…

SO. all this started with me scrolling through old posts from late 2013/early 2014 and being reminded of the fuckery that was zayn’s bday that year (with the douche canoe crew and everyone pretending like liam was barely there as seemingly some sort of weird over-the-top cover-up)…the same party that seemed kinda like liam’s possible “introduction” to the malik family as more than just zayn’s friend/as his possible significant other. which was also only a month after that suspicious engagement-looking ring first showed up on zayn’s ring finger in december 2013 from bts midnight memories mv footage (and which stayed around as a necklace throughout january 2014 and early febuary 2014 right before the first appearance/debut of the mandala tat in mid feb). 

bts midnight memories mv with the ring in view - dec 2013:

(suspicious?) malik family outing/celebration with the ring in view - dec (or possibly late nov?) 2013:

[putting the rest under the cut cause as per usual with me this got insanely long]

liam and aunt zileh at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

liam and one of the little cousins at zayn’s bday party - jan 2014:

then sometime in between late jan and early feb 2014 liam went on a trip to barbados with his whole family (and supposedly also sophia lol more on that later*) while zayn was SUPPOSEDLY still home and steadily “posting” pics of himself at home with various members of his family (with the ring on a necklace clearly visible in the pics lol), anddd as some have also pointed out his hair was suspiciously unchanged in these pics despite his claim of getting a haircut BEFORE most of the pics were posted lol

zayn in family pics with the ring on a necklace - late jan/early feb 2014 (sorry i’m not the one who cropped his fam out lol):

but yet we’re supposed to believe zayn - who had just gotten awarded the asian ambassadorship for the VERY FIRST time - mysteriously (and willingly) MISSED the ceremony on feb. 5th with absolutely no explanation. which…we all know how big a deal that was to him from the way he talked about it and how honored he was when he went in 2015…which begs the question if he was really just home not doing much of anything at the time in 2014 why in the world would he just pass/bail on that HUGE HONOR with no explanation??? mayhaps because he was actually already an ocean away with liam and fam in barbados celebrating his engagement (and getting his own “introduction” to the payne family) and literally COULD NOT ATTEND?

anyway so then, we have him getting the mandala tat around feb 18th 2014 - or at least this is the day he debuted it on his old ig, so the date may be a few days off from when he actually got it - but this still would’ve been shortly after they got back from the barbados trip when he debuted this particular tat (aka another solidification of the engagement??) 

THEN we get the very first ig ziam likes from the famous and beloved aunt zileh (!!!) in this same month (still feb for reference, but she continues steadily and heavily liking stuff all the way through april when she seems to cool down again). fast forward to the 2014 brits at the end of february where we have the infamous moment with 1) ziam giddy as fucking ever, 2) zayn whispering into and practically mawling liam’s neck in public, 3) liam talking about how it was great to “fill each other in” on what they were up to during their break while zayn’s just steady standing there smiling like a loon and then 4) liam still later being like ‘you don’t wanna know’ when asked what he got up to (and zayn still grinning like a fool)

ziam being gross at brits 2014:

so to sum up so far: 1) one of them possibly proposed around nov/dec 2013 (or that’s my best guess anyway based on the evidence lol), 2) then zayn shows up with a suspiciously-engagement-looking ring in dec 2013, 3) then all the weirdness with liam’s attendance at zayn’s bday party a month later (possibly also liam’s formal intro to the malik family), 4) then liam takes his barbados trip with his fam (and supposedly sophia lol*) just a couple weeks later while “zayn” stays home and posts family pics (but is very likely secretly on the trip with liam lol which is also possibly zayn’s formal intro the payne family and a belated celebration of their engagement), 5) and then we get the beginning of aunt zileh’s likes, 6) the debut of zayn’s mandala tat, 7) and the 2014 brits wildness…all in the space of like 3 months. and most of it happening in FEBRUARY. what a wild fucking journey right?

*side note/fun fact: liam and his fam were posting stuff regularly throughout the duration of the barbados vacay but there were literally zero pics of sophia posted from this trip until like dec 2014 or sometime around then when like ONE random pic suddenly surfaced/was posted and lots of ppl had already speculated that sophia was never there in the first place so once this one pic came up that idea got upgraded to people theorizing that they maybe had some of the fam go back a second time later in the year just to stage take photos to retroactively prove/authenticate the narrative that sophia was there lol

but anyway so back to the actual matter at hand - most of that shit happened in february right? specifically the barbados trip (aka the possible engagement celebration trip)…and when i was talking about all this to a friend we realized ZIAMI WAS ALSO IN FEBRUARY. AND SO WAS THIS YEAR’S VEGAS SHIT. AND THEN. AND THEN. My friend did some research and there was apparently this little known/barely talked about article (or at least barely talked about that i’m aware of) about liam taking a TRIP TO THE MALDIVES IN FEBRUARY 2016… which coincidentally (or not lol considering these shady ass hoes) is also around the same time he got his 4 tattoo (I believe this was the first article, or at least one of the first articles, that mentioned the tat’s debut) 

BUT WAIT. 

THE INSANE SHIT DOES NOT END THERE FOLKS.

GUESS WHICH MONTH THE CARTIER BRACELET FIRST DEBUTED?

FUCKING FEBRUARY 2016.

specifically on liam’s wrist in preparation for the 2016 brits (photo posted to his brits stylist’s ig on feb 23rd). and he didn’t take it off till like june.

so. quick timeline:

february 2016 - maldives trip and debut of liam’s 4 tattoo (around feb 21st); debut of cartier bracelet via liam (feb 23rd); (there was also that valentine’s day roses pic liam posted feb 14th of this year which was quite interesting considering he and c hadn’t even been officially announced as a “thing” yet…ofc we know it still got retroactively attributed to her anyway but whatever, we all know who it was really for lol 😏)

february 2017 - i don’t have anything on this year, partly cause i stopped paying as close attention due to heavy ramping up of stunts, although if anyone has more concrete info on this period that hints at anything please do hit me up and i will add it in, but anyway just based on a little light research there does appear to be a good period of inactivity from both of them during this time (as in both of them had quite a bit of time in february where they were pretty inactive on sm, not being papped, and essentially mia and would have potentially had time to go on a private trip) - UPDATE: HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THIS BUT THIS IS THE YEAR LIAM SHOWED UP AT THE BRITS WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING 25 ON HIS JACKET AND FUCKED SIMON ALL THE WAY UP BY SWERVING ON HIS UGLY BITCH ASS SPEECH IN FRONT OF GOD AND ENTIRE WORLD (and i think also thanked zayn in his speech if i’m not mixing that up with another year??) - all on feb 23rd to be specific.

february 2018 - ZIAMI OBVIOUSLY (which specifically started feb 22nd, or at least that’s the day i’m counting it as ‘started’ cause it’s the day liam joined zayn in miami, can’t recall the exact day zayn arrived but pretty sure it was only a couple days before that)

february 2019 - zayn starts wearing this distinctive fishhook earring in all his ig pics, which on the surface seems like a pretty small thing, but quite possibly commemorates their famous august 2014 fishing trip (directly after which he also started wearing a fish hook pendant on a necklace back in 2014); this was also another period they were pretty quiet/mia as far as i can recall, although again if anybody has more concrete info from this time that could point to something please let me know, but anyway point being they again would have had a good chunk of time to possibly go on a private trip together

february 2020 - VEGAS BABY

ofc i’m sure you all will notice one year was left out - february 2015 they were on tour with no breaks coming anytime soon so they obviously weren’t able to go on a trip that year. BUT. february 14th 2015 (aka valentine’s day lol) is also the day liam was famously papped with some small shopping bags that looked suspiciously but precisely like the type that usually come from a jewelry store, and then later that same night they had a performance (for otra tour) where we have zayn pictured wearing a new gold bracelet (as in he hadn’t been seen wearing it ever before on tour or anywhere else) - btw the op of this linked post actually marks this day as the debut of the cartier bracelet but there’s a lot of counter speculation that it’s not and given that it doesn’t quite look like the cartier bracelet looked in later pics (it’s more round and more gold than the cartier bracelet which imo looks more angular and more kind of a two-tone/silvery-gold than this vday bracelet) i’m inclined to lean more towards it just being a regular but still very sweet vday-gifted bracelet. but anyway back to more important stuff. now considering this was literally just a little over a month before zayn left - and one of my theories for zayn leaving was that it was possible he felt it was the only way to save his relationship with liam…i mean if they were still giving each other vday presents they were clearly still VERY in love at this point. like that’s not the kind of thing you’d expect from a couple that was on the rocks and on the verge of breaking up and i know a lot of ppl (myself included for a brief minute) speculated that zayn leaving the band meant he maybe left liam too/or things weren’t working out b/t them or whatever, but given this context of the vday gifts just a few weeks before him leaving that doesn’t really line up…what does line up though is him being so in love and so sick of the bs that he might be driven to just be done with it all (as far as the stress of the band and mgmt bs is concerned at least). and ofc liam did say that zayn is the most emotionally impulsive/emotionally driven out of all them so when you think about it it really shouldn’t come as that much of a surprise…

anyway, in conclusion: 

it appears quite possible ziam has made it a couples tradition (ever since that first honeymoonish vacay in 2014) to go on some sort of trip/getaway together around the end of every february (or at least do something special together/for each other when they can’t) and in further conclusion I AM NOT OKAY AND WILL NEVER BE OVER THIS REALIZATION OKAY THANKS BYE 😭😭😭😭😭🌈🌈🌈 

[jtrbluv]

need(y) | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst/fluff

word count: 3.6k

warnings: swearing

request: Hello!! Could I get a jungkook angst/fluff imagine where you guys are becoming distant and you leave for some space and he doesn’t know and thinks that you left him?? Sorry if it’s confusing, thank youuuu :)

a/n: sheesh! this was not supposed to be this long HAHA. sorry this took so long to write school just started and it’s fr kicking my ass. i’ve already gotten so much hw for the first week grrrr. i rushes the ending a bit so i’m not quite satisfied and i didn’t edit it either so um sorry about it LOL. anyways thanks for requesting this anon!! in honor of his bday too ig haha, hope u enjoy it :)

☏ ☏ ☏

Missed Calls:

y/n <3 (11)

6:45- lmk when ur coming home i can’t wait to see you <33

8:30- u must be busy at the studio it’s okay i’ll wait

9:47- hey it’s okay if ur coming late but could u just give me a heads up

11:02- jungkook?

12:17- happy belated anniversary to you too ig

1:56- i needa stop getting my hopes up huh

Being in a relationship with a worldwide famous idol is never easy. Learning to understand and appreciate the value of the relationship regardless of its limited-time came easy to you. That’s one of the reasons why he became interested in you in the first place. You never came off as overbearing and clingy and you always understood why things had to be different. And that added to the list of things he already absolutely adored about you.

It had been a year since Jungkook had confessed to you backstage that night, asking you to be his lover and promising that he would cherish you like no one ever will. And you can confidently say he very much did at the beginning, commonly known as the honeymoon stage. Things only started to fizzle out and go downhill a few months ago. His group was scheduled for a new comeback. He was promoting and traveling around the world while you were on the sidelines and comfort of your home, cheering him and his group on. Daily texts and calls kept both of you grounded and steady, but as time passed by, those texts and calls ceased to exist. You had been constantly ignored and you didn’t think much of it at first, after all, he was a busy man with a busy schedule. The tour had finally been coming to an end and he’d have the opportunity to come home to you, just in time for your one year anniversary. He had flown in 2 weeks precedent to your anniversary, and fuck, you were so happy to be with him again.

He had made a promise to you that you two would get to spend a lot more time together as he was coming back. You two had finally been living together again after what seemed like years as his group had gotten a break after such a hectic year. He would go to his company need to work on future projects and such and it didn’t bother you at first. He would typically come back home late while you were sleeping and leave early in the morning before you would wake up. As it occurred more frequently, you started to become more concerned. He was finally home for once and he wasn’t even making time to see you. You didn’t want to seem annoying and clingy so you decided to push these thoughts to the back of your head and keep them to yourself.

-

You had agreed to have a celebration at home, figuring all the restaurants in the vicinity would be closed by the time he’d get home. You patiently waited in the living room, coffee table filled with his favorite foods and snacks you were able to pick up at the local convenience store. He had told you the night before he’d be coming home at 9, a little later than you liked, but you let it slide nonetheless. You essentially cherished all the time you had with him anyway, whether it be a minute, an hour, or a month.

You mindlessly sat in the living room, not paying attention to whatever was playing on the TV. Your ears were constantly alert and peeled, waiting for a familiar car to pull up to your driveway. Your eyes constantly shifted back to your front window, scanning the neighborhood to see if he was back yet or not.

Time ticked by like molasses, your patience and tolerance wavering as it went on. There were no signs of him and he wasn’t answering any of your calls and texts. You were in complete disbelief at the fact that he didn’t have the decency to spend time with you on your first anniversary. Everything you had been holding in was starting to seep out of you, anger and sadness fuming from your system as you ask yourself the same question: Why do you constantly put yourself in this situation? Being hopeful for something just to let it get torn down again. Is that what your relationship has turned into? An insurmountable lost hope?

For the first time, you realized all you’ve been doing his abiding by him, waiting for his cues, going off of his beck and call. You were being walked all over, and you didn’t realize until that moment. For the first time, you were fed up.

You groan in frustration as you snatch your phone from the coffee table. It was 2:34 AM. You furrow your brows as you see how late it is, and how many hours it’s been since he was supposed to come home. Your emotions took control of you as you hastily shut off the TV, charging into your room as you recklessly grab one of your backpacks and stuff random clothes into it.  You grab the nearest hoodie you could find and slipped it on as you grabbed your wallet, keys, and phone. You abruptly halt at the doorway, deciding to write a small note for him before you left. What were the chances he would see it anyway?

I need some time alone to think. Please do not contact me during this time. -Y/N

You stormed out of the house, slamming the door shut behind you. You quickly started your car and pulled out of your driveway and into the streets. You didn’t know where you were going, but you just didn’t want to stay in that house any longer. The streets were empty and the sky was dull and overcast. You let the streets guide you, taking whatever twist and turn you happened to encounter. Your hands were gripped tightly along the steering wheel as tears slipped out of your eyes. You quickly wipe them away as you recalibrate your focus on the road ahead of you. You decided it’d be best to stay at a hotel for now, until you could think of a better solution to all of this. You were able to find a hotel that had lower rates since you literally bought it on the spot.

You checked into the hotel and quickly escaped to your room. You throw your backpack to the floor as you lower yourself into the cold, unfamiliar sheets of the bed. You contemplate your options. As much as you didn’t want to admit, all your actions leading up to that moment had been caused by pent up rage and frustration in the heat of the moment. In spite of that, you didn’t regret what you had done. It felt as if time had frozen and it would only continue once Jungkook became aware of what you had done. So you were going to wait.

-

Jungkook stumbled into the home, hair disheveled and vision blurry from his near sleepless night. While working at the studio he had unknowingly fallen asleep while working on a track. All of his members had already gone back home so there was no one to wake him up or remind him of his girlfriend that was waiting patiently back home for him, ready to celebrate a long-awaited and special day.

All traces of the anniversary had slipped his mind as soon as he slid into a deep slumber back at the studio. He trudges around the house and his eyes land on the organized display of snacks on the coffee table. His eyes shift to the blanket and pillow that you two tended to share was all crumpled on the couch. The lightbulb immediately lit in his mind as he put the pieces together and his eyes widen in absolute horror. He had forgotten your anniversary.

“Oh my god, I’m so fucking stupid!” he exclaims, the tone of disbelief in his voice increasing as he realizes his mistake.

“Y/N!” he cries out to you as he runs around the house, searching in all the rooms to see if you were there. He almost forgets the phone that laid in his back pocket until he takes it out, hoping to call you in hopes that you would respond. His phone lights up only to show how indecently late he was, 5:43 a.m, and the amount of missed calls and texts from you, the disappointment and dejection he sensed from you increasing as he read each text you sent to him. His jaw dropping incredulously as he shuts his eyes and takes a deep exhale.

“Fuck, what have I done?” he huffs out, his voice small and full of somber. The fact that he had forgotten a day as important as this was already encompassing his mind but more so, he couldn’t find you and it deeply startled him, he didn’t know where you were and where you could be at this hour. He walks back into the living room where he assumes you had been waiting and his focus shifts to the kitchen where he notices a small notepad and pen along with a torn piece of paper that seemed to have something inscribed on it. He squints as he walks towards the kitchen. He took the paper in his hands as he immediately recognizes your handwriting and his breath hitches as he reads your name. His feet stay rooted to the wooden tile of the kitchen as he freezes there with the paper in his hands. Dumbfounded was an understatement to whatever Jungkook had felt at that moment in time. A tear had involuntarily slid down his cheek. Was this it? Was this the end? Were you going to leave him and never come back? These were only a few out of the heap of questions that were running through his head. All he knew was that he needed to find you. And he needed to fix the mess he had just made.

Similar to you he had bolted out of the house and drove off, unaware of where you actually were but he figured if he had searched for long enough, he would be able to find you.

You had slept deep into the day, finally getting up only because you started to notice the consistent vibrations that came from your bedside table. Naturally, you figured it was Jungkook, you didn’t tell anyone else of your whereabouts since it was so sporadic and you certainly didn’t feel like conversing or informing anyone of your situation. Out of curiosity and the annoying blare of your phone, you decide to see who it is anyway. Much to your surprise, your best friend Seulgi’s beaming smile flashed on your phone screen as you pick up.

“Seulgi, hi,” your voice manages to croak out as you adjust to the sunlight peeking out of your window.

“Y/N, where the hell are you?” she immediately asks, you can basically hear the frown lines etched into her forehead.

You groan into the mic of your phone as you speak back, “Seulgi, I can explain-”

“Jungkook’s been looking for you all night and asking everyone where you are,” she cuts you off.

“Seulgi,” you exhale, trying to suppress your anger, “he forgot our anniversary.”

“Oh my god.” she gasps, “you’re joking.”

“Did he not tell anyone?!” you shriek into the phone.

“No! He just said you left and he was looking for you and he was really scared and he even sounded like he was on the verge of tears and once I said I didn’t know where you were he just hung up!” she rambles on and on.

“Okay, yeah, he forgot and I got mad and I left,” you reveal, voice barely over a whisper.

“Y/N, I don’t blame you,” she reassures you, voice softening, “but, I think you should confront him about this.”

“Yeah, I know. I just needed some time to cool off and think.”

“Well, do you plan on breaking up with him?” she speaks timidly.

“I- I don’t know. I mean, I don’t want to. I want to hear what he has to say.” you stutter, your mind in a complete frenzy.

“Hasn’t he been paying less attention to you these last couple of months?” she asks, “I rarely see you two go out anymore.”

“Yeah cuz we really don’t,” you confirm. “He’s been so focused on his career which I understand but, sometimes it just feels like he doesn’t even acknowledge the fact that he has a girlfriend.”

“Then why haven’t you told him that.”

“I don’t want to seem like the type of girlfriend to hold him back from doing what he loves. He’s invested so much time into his career.”

“Y/N, obviously not telling him how you feel has resulted in this mess. And okay, before you attack me, if he doesn’t have the decency to spend time with his girlfriend every once in a while then he doesn’t deserve your time and energy in the first place,” she advises you.

“I know that Seulgi, that’s all I’ve been thinking about all night.”

“Then talk to him Y/N,” she softly mutters, “for the sake of your relationship with him.”

You hum in agreement but as you’re about to hang up she interjects, “Okay, but just remember, I’ll support whatever decision you make next. I know you’re wise enough to know what you deserve and what’s best for the two of you. Always here for you Y/N.”

“I don’t know where I’d be without you Seulgi. I’ll update you. I’ll head out now.” you smile into the phone.

“You got this Y/N!” she cheers as you hang up.

You had clear intentions on your mind but you couldn’t help but feel anxious and uncertain about what was to happen between you and Jungkook.

jungkook, i’m in sunset central hotel. if you want to talk, come here as soon as you can. Thanks.

Jungkook’s eyes widen to the size of saucers as soon as he saw your name flash onto his screen. He redirects his GPS to the hotel you were at, a 45-minute drive. He didn’t care, he just needed to find you.

-

You waited at the foot of your bed, feeling extremely uneasy about the whole confrontation. Your foot was constantly tapping on the wooden floors, as you played with your hands and glance back at your phone to check the time.

-

Jungkook finally reaches his destination as he surges through the front doors of the hotel, asking the front desk if you were still staying over. The front desk had called you and informed you that someone had come to see you and if it was okay for them to come over. You hesitantly obliged, cowering every time you heard Jungkook answering whatever questions he was required to answer.

It never really registered through Jungkook’s mind that he was supposed to talk to you. He just planned on spilling his heart out and hoping it would be enough for your forgiveness and just being able to hold you in his arms again.

He takes his time getting to your room. His movements are lethargic and hesitant, taking the time to gather his thoughts. He reaches the floor your room is on as he steps out of the elevator and scans the area to find where your room would be. He slowly walks as he sees your room number, he knocks softly at the door, staring at his shoes.

Your head snaps to the sound of his knocks, you take a deep breath as you stand up and slowly creak open the door. You don’t even bother to try to share any eye contact as you widen the door and motion him to come in.

“Y/N,” he begins, eyes still focused on the floor, “I’m,” he exhales, “I’m so sorry.” He slowly tilts his head up, analyzing your body language. Your hands were clasped in front of you as your eyes shifted back and forth to everything but Jungkook. You could feel his stare burning into you but dismissed it.

“Is that-,” you mutter, “is that all you came here to say to me?

“No!” he interrupts, causing you to flinch. His face softens at your reaction, “I- I fell asleep while working on a song and lost track of time.”

Your jaw clenches at his statement as you take a moment to let what he had told you sink in,  “And that makes it all okay?”

“No, of course, it doesn’t-”

“Jungkook, we were supposed to spend this time together with each other. You’re on an actual break for once and you’d still rather dedicate all your time to it instead of spending time with me. All your other members have been going on trips, seeing family, hanging out with friends,” you huff out, glaring at him as he looks at his shoes, “do I not matter to you anymore?”

Your last statement almost made him meltdown right there on the spot. The fact that he had made you believe that he didn’t care about you at all was already bad enough as it is.

He takes a step towards you and looks you straight in the eye, “No, Y/N,” he sighs in exasperation, trying to piece together what he was going to say, “we’ve just been getting so much publicity and gaining so much popularity and fame, I feel like they expect so much from us. And from me. I’m the Golden Maknae, I have to be good at everything and be able to do anything, but in reality, nothing’s working out and I’ve just been stressed as hell and wanting to see you.”

“I’ve never left Jungkook until yesterday, I’ve always been there waiting,” you reveal slowly, “and I really always want to be here for you. Ever since the tour, you stopped contacting me and I just thought you were busy but in the back of my mind, I started thinking that you just didn’t care anymore.”

“But I do, I always did.” he says, taking a step towards you.

“You haven’t proven otherwise, and I don’t want to reach this breaking point just so we can be happy and go through this all over again.” your voice cracks.

“I know, I don’t want that either, but, if this was bothering you for so long, why couldn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Do I really have to remind my own boyfriend to spend time with me?” you scoff as you shake your head in disbelief.

“Y/N, I didn’t mean that, I mean we’ve never had any problems in our relationship up until now, and now that I’m thinking about it, you could’ve told me off and broke up with me a long time ago, but you never told me when you had any problems with me. Yes, I know the things I did were stupid as fuck but Y/N, being in a relationship while balancing my career is still new to me. I’m absolutely clueless and stupid and I need you to guide me so I can be there for you.”

“I-,” you sighed heavily, “I didn’t want to intrude. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are and I didn’t want to fuck it up.”

“Hey, I’m always willing to give up time for you.” his responds as his eyes soften, “I know it sure as hell may not seem like it, but you shouldn’t prioritize my needs or whatever you think my needs are over yours. Now I’ve just been taking advantage of your leniency. How did I not notice? Fuck, I’m such a dumbass.”

You honestly didn’t know how to respond to that, you knew what you were doing was selfless and you were extremely patient about it all, “I just figured that was the last thing you wanted you know, another thing to worry about on top of your career.”

“I thought about that at first too,” he agreed, biting his lip, “I realized later on that it really shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. I care about you too much to let that happen and the more I got to know you, I realized that, well, you were worth it.”

You could feel his intense glare without even sparing him a glance, “Am I still worth it to you?”

You feel his hand envelop your own as steps towards you once again, “You always will be.”

“You’re making it really hard for me to keep being mad at you,” you huff, tightening your grip around his hand.

He noticed the fact that you were still avoiding eye contact and you remained distant. He tugs on your hand and pulls you close to him, breaking your personal barrier. He pulls you into a warm hug, something you both had craved for so long. The longing and acceptance for one another was mutual, but where were you two supposed to do from there on out?

He loosens his hold on you and pulls away slightly, “Are we okay?”

For the first time that day your eyes met his as you replied, “Yeah, we’re okay.”

Only time would tell.

-

-

-

MASTERLIST

[dawonlog]

In honor of Damon's bday, what are your top 5 Dawon looks and moments? 💕

Oh what a wonderful but very tough question! 😂😅

I would like to preface this by saying I'm very terrible at choosing favorites but I really tried and these are some looks & moments that I felt were worth noting haha

Unfortunately I don't really have good pictures of this one but you can watch this stage for a better look!

I know I said I'm bad at choosing favorites but this one is for sure number 1! :) These are really two different days but it's the same shirt so I decided to put them together😅 190828/190810 Dawon were very pivotal in making me the Dawon stan I am today

Since this is getting a bit long I will put the moments below the cut!

It’s soo hard to choose favorite moments bc there’s so many and also I have terrible memory lmao but these are some of my personal favorites, some of which were part of my journey to biasing him :’)

#5 - The first win bungee jump -  Dawon is always showing his love for Fantasy someway, somehow, so this is just one example of many. I love that he also uploaded videos of himself (1,2) bc he knew we’d enjoy them 😂

#4 - Honestly any time he reminds us that we shouldn’t prioritize them and worry about buying all their stuff or going to all their events; that we should focus on ourselves and can instead use that money for our families or food.

#3 - This VLIVE - This one was after their 3rd(?) win! He spent a good portion of time just singing to us, which he has done on several other vlives but at the end of this one he plays an old cover of ROSE by Wooyoung, but cuts it off bc he thought it sounded terrible (I disagree) and proceeds to sing it for us live. I just thought it was really cute and you could really hear the difference, the improvement in his vocals compared to the old cover! Also I love that song now and whenever I hear it I think of him haha

#2 - 191023 FC Update, the midnight snack - Okay I’m still not entirely sure why this resonates with me so much but it does,, maybe because it’s so relatable?? idk this just always makes me giggle thinking about it

#1 - THIS VLIVE - I always joke with my friend that this one made me fall in love with Dawon but honestly I’m not sure it’s joke anymore 😂 I never really watched his vlives much before this one, in fact I think this is the first of his solo vlives I’d watched. By the end of it I had totally, undeniably fallen for his charms (but I still didn’t bias him until months later lol), and I always find the phone call he had with Inseong so precious! I’ve rewatched this vlive like 3 times :’) 

I don’t know if my moments were very entertaining/funny but they each have a special place in my heart so I wanted to share them ^^’

Thanks for asking!❤

[luvdsc]

I’m back again,, sorry 🥺 But Pussy Blocked has furthered my “In love with the thought of being in love with Lee Jeno” agenda, and idk wHAT TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION. I actually swore off love, because I’ve seen far too many relationships go downhill as a therapist friend, and your fics make me want to believe in it for a little bit 🥺 -🥫

omg honey bee, please don’t ever be sorry for stopping by in my inbox !!! 💓 I love getting your messages, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, lovebug 💜 NDJDKJDKD wait but this is actually really funny because my friends can attest to me being so done with jeno after writing this fic like I’m so tired of him now and I’m gonna have to write his not clickbait fic for his bday next month too rip there’s too much jeno here, I need a break from him 😭 but I am very honored that I am able to help you push along your “in love with the idea of being in love with lee jeno” agenda, honey bee 🥰🥰 ah I feel that too, I prefer to stay away from it as well but omg I MADE YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE??? JDUEIENDJDJD THIS IS THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENT 🥺💗💗 thank you sooo much, sweetpea 😭💖

[gukyi]

Gukyiiiii I ADORED that’s the spirit!!! The fact that you put it up literally during my bday weekend was such a TREAT, and I cannot thank you enough for that!! Not only was that’s the spirit sweet and romantic, but it was also SO FUNNY. “What is this thing? Reginald.” 😂HAHAHA and I LOVED this characterization of Yoongi. The way he’s so GONE for her was just so tooth rottingly sweet. The way they have his and hers VALENTINE’S DAY mugs??? And she has a constant supply of his tea always on hand??? “… if Yoongi could spend every day of the rest of his life with you, then he would. If he could turn himself into a witch and cast a spell to keep you by his side for the rest of time, then he would. From the moment the two of you met in your dingy room, you clicked. And Yoongi knew, in that moment. He just knew.” 🥺🥺The soft pining REELED me in. Like he is so clearly resigned to quietly loving her in the shadows, and I’m huuuuuurt. I really enjoyed the way you flip flopped between flashback to the past and then return to the present to really highlight how their friendship had progressed over the years. But pls the way his whole heart feels lighter at the sight of her??? her presence was like warm cup of cocoa??? And only after two months of friendship??? And the pumpkin carving scene??? “a figure presses against your back, this musky, coffee-laden scent surrounding you, and you watch as Yoongi’s calloused hands slowly envelop yours… breath tickling your ear. Relax, alright?” touch✔️, smell✔️, sight✔️, hearing✔️. I especially loved this scene bc you incorporated nearly ALL of the 5 senses in a way that I could FEEL what she was feeling. And when we FINALLY find out why he HATES Halloween??? He literally went to shoot his shot but then she doesn’t remember their kiss in the morning and “As Yoongi traipses back to square one, his heart shakes in its cage.”😩😩 Excuuuuuse me?? But then she still finds her way back to him and they find out they’ve been quietly pining for each other for years??? Ugh such a sweet treat this Halloween!! Thanks for sharing, Gukyi!! Pls accept all my love💕💕

ahh thank you sooo much !! this honestly made my week 🥺i’m so honored to know that you think so highly of my writing! it really means a lot to see such a wonderful and comprehensive review, plus when people quote my writing back to me... *chefs kiss* !! quite frankly i don’t have nearly enough words to express my sincere and genuine gratitude towards you, for all of the support and love you have given me and continue to give me, and for the kind words you always send my way. i get so excited to see your user in my inbox. that’s the spirit was just a fun little halloween fic to tide you all over as i work on my next big project, and i’m so happy that you enjoyed it!! thank you so much for reading it, and please accept all of my love in return!

[cupid-styles]

smoke [bad boy/college!calum au] // pt one

a/n: HELLO i’ve been working on this fic for the past couple of days and i’m liking how it’s turning out so far SO in honor of calum’s bday tomorrow i figured i would share!!!! it’s a bad boy/college!calum au where he’s basically a douche but we luv that for him. anyway, i hope u enjoy part one of many! (ps there’s mention of drugs in this fic so if you’re sensitive to that/triggered easily by that then this may not be for you!) 

+more of my writing +part two +hit the ask if u wanna be on my tag list for this fic (or have requests for blurbs bc im always looking for more inspiration to write about these dumbasses)

On any other Friday night of the semester, Bridget would have been elated to embark on a night out in the company of her best friend. Tonight, however, was not a normal night. 

After an insanely busy week of classes, clubs, and work, Bridget wanted nothing more than to cuddle up in bed, throw a glass of wine back, and head to bed at an early hour. It had been one of those days, where everything seemed to go wrong — her college town had fallen victim to an unexpected snowstorm, causing Bridget to have to shovel her car out, thus showing up late to class. From there, her hours at the local townie bar she worked at seemed to drag on. After an exhausting week, going out was the last thing she wanted to do. 

“Bridge, it’s Friday night. I’m not letting you stay in.”

Bridget was barely able to muster an eye roll from her spot on the ratty blue couch she shared with her housemate and best friend, Noel. 

“I really doubt I’m going to miss out on much,” Bridget replied curtly as she scrolled through Instagram, mindlessly double-tapping pictures already being posted from various pre-games across town. “It’s just been a long week. I’m not really in the mood to wait in line for a drink or anything.” 

Noel sighed, “You’re probably just gonna get wine drunk here — why can’t you do that at, say… Cat’s?” 

Bridget chuckled at her friend’s attempt to get her out of the house, even when she mentioned their favorite bar to head to. After attending college in Rhode Island alongside one another for the past three years, Bridget and Noel had a lot of wild memories at Cat’s. But still, that wasn’t enough to convince Bridget. 

“It’s not happening tonight. Sorry, El.” 

Noel hung her head dramatically before joining Bridget on the couch. A comfortable silence fell between the two girls and, admittedly so, Bridget was mildly shocked that Noel had surrendered so easily. 

“So if you’re not down to go out tonight…”

Spoke too soon, Bridget laughed to herself, lifting her head to look at the blonde perched on the edge of the couch, a mischievous smile donning her plump lips. 

“Yes?” Bridget asked, urging the girl to continue with raised eyebrows. She could only wonder what Noel was going to attempt to guilt-trip her into. 

“Will you at least come pick up weed with me? I got a new dealer,” Noel proposed, catching her bottom lip between her teeth. Despite enjoying the college party scene, Bridget wasn’t one to smoke or do drugs. It was nothing against the culture or anyone that partook in it; it was just never her thing. Noel fell on the opposite end of the spectrum, who was far wilder than her brunette counterpart. She wasn’t a massive stoner, though Bridget liked to beg to differ — regardless, it was a known fact that Noel liked to experiment, which explained the multiple dealers she’d found herself befriending over the past few years. 

“What happened to Michael?” Bridget posed, referencing the guy Noel had been going to for a couple of months. Bridget had met him a few times before; a tall, scruffy guy with colorful, ever-changing hair that seemed nice enough. She didn’t know much about him besides the fact that he was a year behind the girls in school, and that he sometimes hosted parties at his house, a few of which Noel and Bridget had previously attended. Other than that, he was pretty much a mysterious enigma that supplied Noel with good weed. 

“He got busted,” Noel laughed dryly, shaking her head.  “Nothing crazy, but now he’s on probation. He gave me the number for his friend — Calum something? Anyway, he lives down the street from Michael and since we’re staying in, I figured I could at least pick up. Would you be down to come with?” 

Bridget had gone on drug runs with Noel before; it was nothing new, nor did it bother her very much. She nodded, agreeing to accompany her, earning an appreciative squeal in response. 

~

An hour or so later, Noel and Bridget stood on the steps of a white house. Bridget wasn’t exactly surprised in regards to the location of this Calum person’s house — at their school, there was an area known as “College Row.” If you lived on the Row, it meant you liked to party. 

Calum’s house was sandwiched between Zeta Xi Omega, a sorority Bridget had rushed freshman year (she inevitably dropped when she found they were hardcore hazers), and the baseball team’s house. The exterior of the house he presumably rented wasn’t exactly nice; even at 8 p.m., in the darkness of the night, Bridget could tell that the wooden steps were chipped and weakened, probably from its residents drunkenly stumbling in after a night out. Again, she wasn’t particularly surprised. She had nothing against the dealers Noel befriended, she just typically assumed that they weren’t anything special. 

“I texted him that we’re here,” Noel huffed, tearing Bridget away from her thoughts. “Does this kid not want to make a sale?” 

Bridget chuckled before shrugging her shoulders, “I dunno, El. You sure he’s home?” 

Noel nodded. As if on cue, the front door swung open, revealing a tall figure. Bridget’s jaw fell slack as she took in the male standing before them. Dressed in a pair of black ripped skinny jeans and a tee-shirt with a band Bridget had never heard of, he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, crossing his toned arms over his chest. A smirk donned his plump lips; his slightly curly, tangled hair forming an organized mess atop his head. 

“Of course I’d be sure to make a sale to one of Mikey’s most loyal patrons,” The figure chuckled cockily, extending his hand out towards the girls. “Calum. I’m assuming you’re Noel?” 

Noel nodded coolly, shaking his hand. “That’d be me,” she replied, smiling sweetly. “This is my housemate, Bridget.” 

Calum redirected his dark eyes toward Bridget, and at that moment, she swore she thought she was going to melt into a puddle. Calum’s appearance screamed “don’t fuck with me,” yet all she wanted to do was intertwine her fingers in those luscious curls, pulling him in for a heated kiss.  

“Nice to meet you, girls,” Calum greeted gruffly, stepping aside. “Come on in.”

Noel didn’t seem to be half as enamored with his appearance as Bridget was. She wondered how that could possibly be when Calum was the most gorgeous figure she’d ever laid her eyes on. 

Bridget attempted to hide how completely captivated she was by Calum as she followed Noel into the house, waiting for the male to guide them. Noel and Calum made small talk about how long she’d known Michael and the details of their friendship, but all Bridget could focus on was his broad shoulders and the tattoos peeking out beneath the black clothing his body wore so beautifully. 

They found themselves in the living room, where a blonde haired male was sunken into the couch, his eyes glued to the television. 

“This is my roommate Luke,” Calum said, though his eye contact never lifted from the Jim Carrey movie that currently upheld his attention. “He’s pretty fried if you can’t tell.” 

Bridget let out a giggle, realizing it was the first time she’d let noise pass her lips since they’d arrived. Calum’s eyes met hers and a crinkled smile reached his lips before redirecting his focus to Noel. 

“Okay, so what are you ladies looking for? Noel, Mikey said you like a lot of different shit but I have a shit-ton of weed on hand if that’s what you’re here for,” Calum explained, taking a seat on the couch. Bridget raised her eyebrows in surprise as she looked down at the coffee table, which was completely covered in drugs. The left side had baggies of pills, some of which had the word “Adderall”, “Perks” or “Xanax” messily scrawled across the clear plastic. There were a couple of pieces of tin foil that said “acid” in small lettering. The rest consisted of various quantities of weed, some of which were bigger than others. Bridget had been around drugs before, sure — but she had never felt intimidated or even surprised by the amount. This was most definitely a first. 

“I’m just here for pot. Bridge here doesn’t smoke or anything, but I do, hence why I know Michael,” Noel replied. Normally, Bridget would never be embarrassed by her decision not to engage in smoking, but this was a rare occasion where she felt seriously uncool. “Also, I would love to buy whatever Luke smoked.” 

Luke’s head lifted at the mention of his name, and a lazy smile suddenly appeared on his lips. 

“Don’t think I’ve ever met a friend of Clifford’s that doesn’t smoke,” Calum said, his eyes perplexed as they fell on Bridget, who shrugged in response. She took notice as he sorted through the different baggies, searching for the strain that Noel requested. 

“It’s never really been my thing,” she murmured, suddenly fascinated by the system Calum had at hand. “I’ve always gotten too paranoid or it’s ruined my drinking buzz.”

“That just means you’re smoking the wrong shit,” he immediately fired back with a shake of his head. “You’ve probably only had shitty pot — it’s all about the strain. I bet I could find you the right one.” 

There had been many times where Bridget had received that talk. Just about every college dude she talked to tried to tell her the same thing, but she was convinced that she simply didn’t like smoking. She had never felt that there was anything wrong with that, and there truly wasn’t — but for some reason, she suddenly felt like she had to prove herself. Before she could even think about the words leaving her lips, they were already out in the air. 

“You’re probably right,” Bridge agreed, earning a shocked look from Noel. “I’d be willing to try again if you found me something that wouldn’t get me so anxious.” 

“No fucking way!” Noel squealed, blowing Bridget’s cover once more. “I’ve been trying to get you to smoke with me for ages!” 

Calum chuckled, twisting off the plastic baggie and handing it to Noel. Bridget tried to hide the crimson creeping into her cheeks as Noel whipped out a fifty dollar bill and placed it in Calum’s hand, who nodded in response. 

“We should all smoke up together. I’m sure Michael would be down for that,” Calum said, his eyes shifting between the two girls. “Hit me up whenever you’re free. I’ll make sure to have something on deck for you, Bridget.” 

Noel blinked hesitantly, her mouth slightly ajar at the invitation. Neither girls were particularly shy when it came to hanging out with boys, but the fact that this was brought on by Bridget’s sudden flirtation with a drug dealer? Now that was out of character. 

“Sounds good,” Bridget replied, flashing Calum a small smile. The tall male returned her expression before checking his phone and standing up. 

“Sorry to kick you ladies out, but I gotta friend on the way so I’ll walk you out.” Calum led Bridget and Noel out, who graciously thanked him for being her new plug. Within seconds, Noel was tugging on the hem of Bridget’s shirt, demanding to know what her deal was. 

“Sudden burst of confidence much?!” Noel whisper-yelled as they made their way towards Bridget’s car. “What was that? Love at first sight?” 

Bridget brushed her comments off, knowing they came from a place of genuine curiosity. When it came to relationships with the opposite gender, Bridge didn’t often waste her time. Sure, she had random drunken hook-ups every now and then, but they only occurred when she wanted them to. Other than a six-month-long relationship with a jock back in sophomore year, Bridge had been happily single for most of her college career. She basked in the ability to be completely independent; never having to report back to someone or be aware of anyone’s else’s actions. She especially loved never getting her hopes up, which made one night stands that much more delightful. Once the sex was over, they were gone forever, and she never had to see them again. 

“Definitely not love at first sight,” Bridget mumbled as she unlocked the car, ducking into the driver’s seat. “He’s just attractive. I wouldn’t mind hanging around him more, is all.” 

And with that, Bridget and Noel headed home. 

[literalloserforhanzo]

Happy Late Birthday ♥

Hanzo x Reader Oneshot  ♥

Short summary: Hanzo is a busy man and misses readers birthday. To make up for it, he plans out something special for her.  WARNING! EXTREME CHEESE AND FLUFF!!!  This fic is dedicated for mah lovely friend Viri <3 (who’s bday was last month lol)

________________________________________

“Mrs (Y/L/N)!”

“Yes Sophia?”

“Did I write this right?”

The little girl handed you her exercise booklet.

Your eyes glided from the top to the bottom of the paper curiously, scanning it for spelling and grammar errors.

“You did a good job for your first essay, I found something though. You got the tenses mixed up here “ you pointed towards a word, “ and here.

Go back to the pages we read together last lesson and correct it before class ends. “

Sophia took her booklet back and nodded, before she turned around and walked back to her seat.

With a sigh you checked your watch and quickly after, you peeked at your phone.

No messages.

Nothing.

The view upset you, but it was no surprise. People wouldn't want to bother you at work and the majority of your friends were at work themselves. Especially the person, whose message you were awaiting the most, would be the last in terms of capability to answer.

He was most likely busy snapping someone's neck or piercing their skull with an arrow.

The thought of that sent a shiver through your spine.

Your best friend was an undercover agent for the government, basically the one, who does the dirtiest work. Everybody thinks, that those who work such jobs are cold hearted monsters, far from human and reckless in any way possible and to someone who'd only get to know him briefly, the description would be spot on, but as someone,who actually means something to him, you have more than enough reasons to negate those accusations.

There aren't enough synonyms for lovely and caring, to gather a description of this man you called your best friend.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a group of girls' loud chats and laughter in the corner of the class room, which quickly found an end once you met their gigglish looks with a raised brow and the obnoxiously loud clearing of your throat.

It was one in the afternoon and you just finished writing the homework onto the blackboard for the students to copy, when you realized, that something was off. Usually one or two students were already eager to leave minutes before the end and had their stuff packed to run off, once the bell rang. For some reason, all of them were strangely calm and their items were still spread all over the tables, as if they were still up to something. You washed your hands to get rid of the chalk dust on your fingers and returned back to your table, when suddenly all the children got up and formed a semicircle around you and began singing.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday Mrs. (Y/L/N),

Happy Birthday to you!”

The children began to cheer and the two class representatives handed you a bouquet of flowers and a small packed gift, you were asked to open right away. You ripped open the paper and your pupils widened instantly. You were holding a set of extremely expensive paint brushes.

“This is so lovely! Thank you all so much! I can't believe you planned this all alone!”

The children looked at each other in joy and with proud expressions due to your praise.

Even though you were a language teacher, your love for art and painting was known amongst both your colleagues and your students.

Thanking your class a few more times, you hugged each student, before they eagerly packed their belongings and made their way out of the class room.

By the time the last student left you were done packing as well. You locked the classroom and walked to your car. With a thud, you closed the door and breathed out, enjoying the sudden silence as the voices of playing children were no longer in your ears.

The brushes were something you always hesitated to buy, since they were really, really pricey but now, they were yours and your mind was already flooded with ideas of what to paint first. It's been a while that you discovered them and toyed around with the thought of a purchase, literally telling everyone about how good they are, hoping to receive them as a present. As always, your genius plan worked as intended.

You couldn't wait to show them to your best friend of to surprise him with a really good painting.

Unfortunately the joy of thinking about said action vanished as fast as it appeared. He wasn't in town. Probably not even in the same country or continent. His work was top secret and he said you would be better off knowing less. You were absolutely clueless, about where he was at the moment or when he would come back, it was common for some of his duties to take longer than expected. You had just wished, that maybe this time he would be back in time. You decided not to linger on sad thoughts and drove to your parents place, who were awaiting you impatiently.

One week later.

Hanzo's POV

It's morning.

“Excellent work like always Mr.Shimada. Just like I expected it from a man like you.”

You got up from your bowing position and looked into the eyes of your boss.

“You honor me!”

“We sent that naïve simpleton our regards, they won't get in our way any time soon.”

You nodded in agreement, not knowing what else to add.

“Well well.... you look tired. The mission is over, you may go home unless you still have anything to say.”

You shook your head. “No, I am finished.”

“There is a limousine waiting to escort you home.”

You bowed down again. “Thank you.”

“You're always so formal. I guess that's a sign that you're parents raised you well.”

Your boss groaned. “Speaking of parents... I totally forgot that I have to call my wife's mother today. I guess it has to be another golden Rolex this year unless I want to hear complaints for months … Every birthday my wife wants something even more extra ordinary for her mother. I just wish she would leave me out of her plans each time.”

Birthday..... Oh god …. Oh no … OH NO!

“Sir , would you please tell me what today's date is?”

Your boss looked at you in confusion.

“It's the xx.xx, why?”

Your pupils tightened. God damn it. How could you forget.

“Sir is it possible,for the driver to bring me to another place?”

“Of course Mr.Shimada, would you first explain to me why though?”

You began explaining.

(Y/N) POV

“Ah dang it, thirteen percent.”

You had forgotten to plug your phone into the charger over night as you had fallen asleep on the couch.

Annoyed, that you couldn't scroll through the latest news as the first thing of the day, you got up and rubbed your eye. Making your way to the charger, you stepped on a piece of paper on the floor.

“Huh?” You picked it up and recognized the flyer of the city's art gallery. You placed it on the kitchen table and turned on the coffee machine while wondering where you left your charger. Ever since your birthday you were very busy with work, so you had barely any time left to look after yourself or your apartment. You decided to take a day off all tasks and catch up with what you had neglected lately.

At the breakfast table you decided to take a look into the flyer before you would drop it into the trash can. There were three exhibitions this month. Two rather boring ones and one that caught your eye, the one about ancient east-asian art. You remembered bringing the flyer home so you wouldn't forget to book the tickets for you and your best friend but the both of you forgot about it in the end and now it was too late, since it was not only the last day but most likely already booked out.

Sighing you dropped the paper into the trash can and took a sip of your coffee.

You missed him and It was becoming annoying. You knew he was good at his job and not all of it was cruel so he enjoyed it aswell. It paid well so he had a life free of worries, you couldn't complain either, as his best friend you out of everyone enjoyed that fact the most. Unfortunately all the gifts and pleasures coming along with his job were no substitute for his constant absence. Missions could take up to two months sometimes. The worst thing was when he suddenly disappeared for three and  a half months, without being able to notify you. It was an emergency and he was called in during another mission. Lucky for the both of you, that never occurred again.  

It was true, you despised his job. It consumed so much of his time one couldn't call it a life. You saw him so little amounts of time, it was ridiculous. You knew him since high school, yet nothing had developed further than a good friendship. Sometimes you would point the finger towards yourself, after all you encouraged him into taking the job offer he received after winning an award for his combat skills. You didn't know it would end up this way. If only you had known.

Unlike your best friend, who had nothing else in mind but studying, to ensure a bright future for himself, you sensed your feelings for him pretty early on but decided to keep them to yourself.

Multiple girls had confessed to him and he turned all of them down, saying he had no time for a relationship because of his studies. You knew better than doing the same mistake, you didn't want to risk losing the friendship you had built up during those three years. You eventually became the person he shared everything with but that was about it. He was very reserved and you were afraid to lose him. Your jobs didn't leave much time for the two of you to spend together. There was no solid ground for a relationship and you started to doubt that there would ever be, no matter how many times your hugs would last for minutes, no matter how often his face would be mere centimetres away from yours while watching movies or going to amusement parks together. No matter how often the two of you would look at each other blushing when you were asked how long you were dating already.  

Louder than necessary, you placed the mug onto the table and closed your eyes. Oh when would he finally come back and be in your arms again, so you could tell him how much you missed him.

Opening your eyes, you remembered your plans for today. You got up from your chair and brought your dishes into the kitchen.

Later that evening.

“Yeah, yeah dad I will call you back later, I need to bring the groceries home and I need both hands for that, love you, byee!”

Sighing you hung up the call and got out of your car. You took your goodies out of the trunk and closed the door.

Your neighbour greeted you at the door and held it open for you, since you had both hands full of bags. You thanked the woman and waited for the elevator to arrive. Inside it you eyed yourself in the mirror. You had lost some weight lately, partly because you planned to in first place and partly because eating alone was just not the same. You looked into your own eyes. It really was overdue for you to take care of yourself again, you hadn't seen yourself this pretty in a while now, just keeping your appearance up as much as necessary.

Bing!

You walked out of the elevator and placed the groceries in front of your door to find your keys, which had fallen to the bottom of your purse. You opened the door and closed it with your leg, quickly took off your shoes and walked into the kitchen to unpack the bags. You were done and decided to take a seat on the sofa and relax in front of the TV for a moment. As you walked into the living room, you immediately realized, that something was off. The chair you had breakfast on today, was missing. Confused you walked around the room, back into the kitchen and suddenly towards your bedroom.

Were you going crazy? You opened the door of your bedroom and your jaw dropped. The chair was there, on it, an enormous plush of your favourite animal. Around it, the words “Happy Birthday”

had been arranged with light strings. Three huge boxes were placed on your bed, wrapped in shiny paper with bows all over. You walked over to your pile of surprises and a card caught your eye.

“Happy Birthday (Y/N)!

I'm sorry for being late, I hope you forgive me.

I'll be picking you up at three, thirty .

Be ready!

Hanzo”

You smiled and shook your head. That's all he had to say after three weeks? This man ….

You wanted to open one of the boxes but then your watch caught your eye. It was already two fifty!

And you still had to shower and dress up! This was going to be a special day after all!

You dropped the present onto your bed and quickly ran towards the bathroom.

Twenty five minutes later you were checking your phone nervously. A last glance into your pocket mirror reassured you, that you were in fact, looking gorgeous. Not knowing what surprise he had in store, you dressed elegant enough to fit a fancy dinner but casual enough, not to stand out if he'd just take you to the cinema.  The doorbell rang and you shot up from your seat, rehearsing your greeting. Something about this was special. It didn't feel like the last times he came back. It was completely different. You opened the door and your heart began beating like crazy. Your eyes locked for a few seconds, the two of you eyeing each other after this long time, before indulging in a very long, tight hug.

“Happy belated birthday.”

“You were gone for way too long.”

“I know.”

“Do you have any idea how much I missed you?”

“I'm sorry.”

“You better are!”

You ended the hug giving him the most ridiculous angry expression, causing the both of you to laugh about it.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes, mind telling me where we are going?”

“Hmmm no, you'll have to be patient, birthday girl!”

He took your hand and the both of you walked outside.

In front of your apartment, something had caught a few passengers eye, and yours as well the moment you walked out of the door.

A really beautiful Mercedes was parked in front of the door, shining in the midsts of the regular sized cars.

“You didn't have to ….”

He grinned widely. “But I wanted to.”

The passengers stepped aside as he held the door open for you to step in. You shook your head and took a seat. Hanzo closed the door and walked over to the drivers seat.

“I really don't want to know the price of this car, do I?”

“No, and it's nothing you need to worried about anyway.”

The low buzz of the car began and he started driving.

“How did you like your presents?” He looked over to you and smiled slightly.

“I don't know.” You shrugged,  “I haven't opened them yet.”

Hanzo raised a brow.

“Why not ?”

“I barely had time left when I came home. Besides, I wanted to open them with you there.”

You looked over to him, the corners of his lips slightly rose.

“Alright, we'll open them later then.”

Minutes later, the two of you arrived at a lively part of the city and parked the car.

He opened the door for you and he took your hand to guide you to your destination.

You stopped in front of the art gallery and he looked at you, curiously.

“Why did we stop? What are we gonna do here?”

“What do you think?” He grinned.

“I don't know? All I wanted to see was the east asian art but it's sold o-”

Hanzo waving with two tickets, cut you off mid sentence.

“We should go in, it's the last day and we still have much to see.”

This man....He was full of surprises and mysteries. You had no idea how he managed to get the tickets but you couldn't care less. You were too busy being exited about the exhibition.

Time flew by as you looked at what felt like a never ending collection of ancient art. You were amazed and mesmerized by each one of them, wishing you were allowed to take pictures of all the details and individual paintings.

As you had reached the end of the exhibition you walked into a small room, arranged to be a store.

The post card section magically attracted you like a spell. Scanning the cards for some of the beautiful pieces you saw in the exhibition, a blue card caught your attention.

The blue print was met by a golden dragon, treated with a dark golden fish pattern. It looked extremely pretty and royal and reminded you of your best friends family emblem and the tattoo on his arm. You picked it up and turned around to show it to him, he would love it ! But he was nowhere to be seen. You scanned the entire room, just to be told by the saleswoman, that he got a phone call and walked out already. Sighing you looked at the post card again. Maybe it was too much to be expected but you wished to have him just for yourself, an entire day. It would've been too perfect if that day could be the day, you celebrated your birthday.

Your decision to not let that thought drag you down and just enjoy what you have, guided you to the register. You bought the post card together with a notebook and a few other cards. As you were paying the items the woman asked if you also wanted to take a look at the tie pins, since one of them would match your boyfriend so well. You didn't know what you were supposed to ask the lady first, why she thought you two were dating or why the hell the souvenir store would sell tie pins.

“The gold in the tie pin would suit the golden shine in his eyes.” She smiled.

“You are right, the shade also matches his suit perfectly, I'll take it. But …. he's not my boyfriend, what made you think that?”

The woman covered her mouth and then giggled.

“The way he looked at you, it just …. reminded me of the way my father used to look at my mother.  I don't think I've seen more love in somebody's eyes before.” She laughed nervously at your surprised expression before handing you the little paper bag with your newly purchased goods.

“Have a nice day” she said , “and oh, … I don't think my eyes were lying to me when I saw him.“ She winked at you and you smiled brightly as you stepped through the door.

Hanzo dropped his phone in his pocket and rushed towards you, as you walked out of the entrance.

“I'm sorry (Y/N)! It was an urgent call from my boss but everything is alright now.” He smiled.

“So show me what you got!” He tried lurking into the small bag but you quickly hid it behind your back. “Hmm you'll have to wait until later.”

Your playful grin made him raise a brow.

“Anyway, walking for 3 hours straight made me sooo hungry,

can we stop somewhere nearby and grab something to eat?” you asked him, resting a hand on your stomach.

“I know a good place.” He said smiling. “But it's not nearby.”

You huffed in dismay and followed him to the car.

He didn't lie, it really wasn't close by. While you were admiring the view on the highway , his phone started buzzing very loudly next to you. Your body's reaction to the surprising sound and your nosiness were quicker than your will to respect his privacy so you took a glance on the screen of his phone. Your heart twitched slightly as you saw an unknown name of another woman light up on the display. You didn't remember him having any female colleagues or any girl named Rosie in his family. Who was she? Wasn't he always telling you everything? How come you never heard of this new friend of him? The car ride went awkwardly silent from then on. Luckily, you quickly met your destination soon after.

Hanzo stepped out of the car and walked towards your door to open it for you, you decided to use the time to quickly drop the little package with the pin into your purse. The door opened.

“I don't think I've ever been in this part of the town before, where are we?” You asked, as you stepped outside the car, hoping he'd take your hand again.

“I have only been here before once, they just finished building new houses and stores around in this area so it's not quite known yet. That should change soon thought, you'll find out why, once we're inside.”

He gave you a promising look before offering you his hand. You were glad but also surprised, he rarely held your hand , usually he'd only go that far some times when he walked you home at night and creepy people would  pass by you.

Hanzo guided you towards the entrance of what looked like the most fancy restaurant you had seen from up close. The two of you went eating out quiet often but nothing could reach up to this. It was cute of him to go out of his way for you but it was very unusual of him to make things this extravagant.

You entered the restaurant and your jaw dropped. It looked similar to a ball room but with beautifully shaped chairs and tables. The lights at the hight ceiling were surrounded by shiny chandeliers.

After naming himself to the receptionist, Hanzo was greeted with a bow and the two of you were lead to a small stairway at the side of the desk. Your friend asked you to go first and you walked up the stairs quickly, curious of what was awaiting you upstairs.

About halfway there, you realised the slight wind meeting your face and you suspected to be led to the rooftop of the building. Your suspicions were true and you couldn't believe your eyes. It was beautiful. The rooftop was rather small and looked like a very lovely balcony. There was only one table and two chairs were placed around it, facing each other.

The fence was surrounded by garlands of roses and the most powerful source of light, next to the two lanterns at the staircase, was the dark red candle in the middle of the table.

A waiter placed two menus on either side of the table and went downstairs quickly afterwards, leaving an electronic bell behind. Still admiring your surroundings and the marvellous view at the city's shining buildings, the night lights and their reflections in the sea, you took your seat and decided to read the menu as your hunger was at its peak.

“I really can't decide, if I want to settle for a pizza, or if I'd like to try something new. The baked chicken sounds soo tasty.”

“I am really tempted by the chicken aswell” Hanzo sighed. “But the grilled salmon sounds just as good.”

“How about....”

Hanzo's eyes slided from the menu to meet yours. “I choose the chicken and you take the salmon? And we try from each other?”

Hanzo nodded and smiled. “Sounds like a good idea to me.” His sudden smile made you blush and you tried to hide it quickly, by ringing the bell for the waiter and deciding on a beverage.

After giving your orders by the polite man in the suit, the two of you picked up on any news regarding your families and quickly after, you excused yourself, to go to the bathroom.

Leaving your stall, a woman passed by you to the sink next to yours to wash her hands. A moment later you recognized her. She was the wife of some TV celebrity . So this place was more than simply fancy looking? It must be serving very nice food as well, you thought to yourself.

The receptionist guided you to the stairway again and you began walking but stopped right before your head, peeked out of the entrance. Hanzo was speaking to somebody. Probably on the phone. You didn't want to spy on him but your curiosity was taking over you, as you wondered who would be calling him this time of the day.

“Yes , everything went as planned, thank you for everything again, Agasa san!”

Agasa san? That was his boss' name, so it was a work related call? But it sounded less formal...

“I can't thank you enough for your help sir and don't forget to deliver my thanks to Rosie aswell, you were right, your wife really is talented at planning surprises. I don't think I would've managed to gather all the right things in time without her help.”

You smiled brightly.

“Yes, yes, and no that was nothing. It's my job after all. Have a great evening sir.”

“Excuse me m'am, your dinner.”

You turned around in confusion just to meet the slightly uncomfortable waiter standing at the entrance, waiting for you to leave the staircase so he can deliver the dishes.

Embarrassed, you hurried to your seat, pretending not to know anything and enjoying your delicious dinner.

The fifth sip of champagne later, your plates were empty and your bellies filled.

The place was quiet and peaceful and the two of you were simply enjoying the moment of silence before Hanzo's phone gave off a silent buzz, making his eyes expand.

“It is time...” He whispered and turned off his phone.

“Time for what?” You asked , as he got up from his seat and asked you to follow him to the fence.

“There is a festival today, at the beach over there. “

Exited you waited for him to end his sentence. “And if I'm not wrong, there should be a fi-”

Hanzo was cut off by the loud chanting of people counting down from three in unison, before ten rockets shot up in the air, on the other side of the sea, dissolving in bright lights and sparkles in the sky.

You were mesmerized by the beauty of the colours and the lights, you didn't notice Hanzo looking at you the entire time instead, watching the fireworks out of the reflection in your eyes.

The rhythm of the fireworks lost it's steadiness and you looked over to Hanzo, causing him to quickly look away after you caught him staring. This made you remember the words of the woman in the store and the Pin.

“Ah, I've got something to give you.”

You quickly walked to the table and took the pin out of your purse, hiding the package behind your back as you turned around, to watch him take a sip of his champagne nervously.

“Close your eyes!” you requested as you slowly walked towards him.

“Why?” He asked.

Gosh, such a stupid question. He was really nervous all of the sudden, but why?

“Just do it, It's a surprise.”

Hanzo breathed in sharply and closed his eyes.

“Do I need to hold out my hands or anything? “

You were now standing right In front of him, unpacking the pin.

“No, just stand still.”

He swallowed hard as your voice determined, how close you were standing in front of him.

Taking his tie into your hand, you slided the fabric between the two parts of the pin and softened the fabric of his shirt causing his hands to shiver slightly.

“You may open your eyes.”

He opened his eyes and looked down. A smile marked his lips.

“The color of the pin is so beautiful. The gold really shines even thought its a bit dark. I love it! And the pattern ...”

He looked at you. “Where did you get it? I don't think I've ever seen a pin this beautiful anywhere before.”

You grinned. “The store section of the exhibition.”

“Uhm.... you're joking right?”

“No”

“Why would they sell tie pins?”

“I don't know” You laughed. “But hey, I guess that's were you'd find such beautiful tie pins.”

The both of you laughed slightly before you became so silent you heard each other breathe.

“Oh you moved and now it's uneven.”

You rearranged the tie pin and he looked down to watch you do so. Again you flat out the fabric of his shirt but your hands remained on his chest. You didn't want to take your hands off him, ever.

You wished this moment could last forever. Just you and Hanzo. No phones buzzing, bosses calling, other voices interrupting. You didn't notice you were staring at his chest, caught in your thoughts, until you heard Hanzo, call out your name.

His hands slid on top of yours, his thumb brushing over your remarkably smaller hands, his eyes locked onto yours.

“Happy Birthday.”

He smiled at you, hoping he had made up for the time, the two of you lost during his time working.

“Thank you for everything Hanzo, the presents, ... the exhibition, the dinner , …the time with you.”

You smiled and were surprised, that he wasn't anymore.

“I wish I could spend all of my time with you.”

Before you could think of an answer to that, he continued.

“I love you.”

your lips parted as the heavy blush on your cheeks gave off the answer to his proposal.

There were so many emotions going through you at this moment. Your thoughts travelled back to the moment you met him, the first time you spend your afternoon together. Every single time your heart beat fast because of him rushed by your mind, filling your stomach with a million butterflies and your heart with a strong rush of joy and an even bigger rush of relief.

“I want to be with you, (Y/N).”

Softly, you freed your hands from his, travelling up to rest your fingers on his cheeks, closing the gap between your lips, as they met each other , unwilling to ever part. His arms pulled you closer to his, making you able to feel his chest on yours.

Your lips finally distanced for a longer period, allowing you to breathe and look up at him and reply.

“I love you too Hanzo. I want to be with you for ever.”

His eyes closed for a second and a relieved huff left him, causing you to giggle. So that was, what he was nervous about?

Your finger brushed his cheek and his beard, curving his sharp jaw before he came closer to you, to place a kiss on your forehead.

He held onto you very strongly.

“I'm so happy and so ….” He looked away for a moment.

“Relieved?”

“Yes.” He replied, looking back into your eyes.

Your soft lips marked his right cheek with a kiss.

“How could I possibly say no to you, you are all I wanted and more.”

“You're exaggerating.”

“I'm not. You're the loveliest man I know and have ever known. On top of that, you're the best friend one could have and absolute husband material.”

He was startled.

“Hus-”

You cut him off with another kiss, slightly biting his lower lip.

This wasn't the last kiss of it's kind that night. The day began with Hanzo in your mind and ended with him by your side.

Extra :

Hanzo looked at his laptop screen in anger of not finding what he was looking for , before taking a look at the time and hurriedly putting on his clothes. His phone rang and he cursed whoever was calling in that moment of a rush.

“Hey Genji I'm busy , can I call you back later?”

“It's only a small question Hanzo.”

SIGH

“Yes?”

“You're planning to move out of your current apartment? Why? And why into a place so big? Is there anything I need to know?”

“How ...”

“You were still logged in on my PC so your browser history showed up while I was trying to find a website. I can't because the list is full of houses....Now tell me why you want to move into a house so big on your own?”

“Genji I ….

Me and (Y/N) are dating now.”

there was a small moment of silence before his brother bursted out loud cheers.

“FINALLY! Me and mum and everyone else have been waiting forever! Took you long enough to confess. Or her, I doubt it was you.”

Genji laughed and Hanzo snarled annoyed.

“What do you mean mom and the others? And what do you mean forever? Also I should let you know I asked her out after spending a really nice date with her, don't you dare ridicule me like that.”

“You took her out on a fancy date? Are you really my nerdy brother who only knows work and studies?”

“Yes and I am gonna be late to my next fancy date with her if you don't answer my questions and make it quick!”

“I can't believe you didn't know, that we were all waiting for the two of you to finally find each other. I always wanted to drop hints and lecture you about how to finally approach her, back in high school but mother told me to let it happen naturally. She probably cursed herself secretly when she saw, how nothing happened over the many years.” Genji laughed again.

“Well congratulations, you two wanted me to engage romantically with my best friend, now what is it about the others?”

“Oh not just us two, the entire class felt like you guys would marry one day. Or do you think it was a coincidence, that you were supposed to play the main roles in the play in eleventh grade?! You didn't get the role for your honourable acting skills brother.“

Embarrassed, Hanzo walked past his wardrobe as he forgot his watch on his desk, stopping at your high school graduation picture.

“Hanzo ? H e l l o ?”

“Yes, yes sorry, I  got to go now, I'll call you tomorrow alright?”

“Yes, I'll be waiting, ….gosh I can't wait to tell mum, she will probably cry. Bye Brother!”

“Bye.”

[jennygoeseastbay]

2018 in Review

So I used to do one of these every year on my Livejournal, and I completely blew it off in 2017 because I kind of abandoned that medium, and because the last month of that year was complete consumed with packing and moving. I’m not entirely certain I want to get more active on here, but for now this is a good place for me to post this, simply to have the written record of my existence that I need in order to process all that has happened and reflect on how it has helped me to grow and improve as a person. If I’m feeling really ambitious, I might even backtrack and do one for 2017 next week, because I like to be complete in my self-documentation. ;)

01. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before? Visited Washington DC for the first time.

Visited the Los Cabos region of Mexico for the first time.

Closed a major gift from someone who had not already had decades of cultivation from their University.

Visited even more areas of California that were new to me, including Anaheim, Santa Barbara, Santa Maria, Pismo Beach, Paso Robles, and Lake Tahoe (I guess that also includes Nevada since we stayed in Carson City)

Visited Ashland Oregon for the first time.

Sold a piece of real estate. Phew!

Practiced Yin Yoga. (And walking meditation!)

Engaged in a yoga hike!

Also tried yoga with goats!

Attended WonderCon

Attended a county fair.

Road a bicycle somewhere other than a residential street

Tried kayaking

Ran a trail run race

02. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never really make concrete resolutions, just some general proclamations about eating better, and putting more time into fitness and writing. Of these three things, the one I was most successful at this year, surprisingly enough, was eating better. In September I realized that it was time for a physical tune-up, and so I rejoined WW after a long time away, and though I still have a few pounds to go, I’ve been happy to have gotten a bit sleeker after dialing back the bread and cheese. I also attended a writing group called Shut Up and Write a couple times, and I’d like to become more of a regular at their cafe sessions in 2019, because I’ve found that their method (literally a concentrated hour of shutting up and writing) has been helpful the two times I’ve gone.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth? My dear friends Drew and Kelly had their first child in September. And my friend Lynn had her second child, a little girl, just a couple weeks ago. 04. Did anyone close to you die? Not super close, but a professor at UC Davis who I had worked with closely, passed very unexpectedly right before Halloween. 05. What countries did you visit? Mexico! Finally broke in my current passport with a new stamp! 06. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Good novel progress. Or more discipline on some other fiction and an essay that I just started tinkering with. A legit boyfriend. 07. What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 2 was my first day on the job at UC Davis.

January 7 was a super fun evening at the Museum of Ice Cream in SF

January 13-15 was a wonderful weekend in Seattle where I got to meet my nephew Apollo for the first time and photograph his first swimming lesson for his parents.

January 20 was my second Women’s March outing in Sac with my friend Jade and her little ones.

January 27 was a day when I got to play tour guide for my friend Gricel and her husband when they were in SF visiting for the first time.

Feb. 10 and 11 was a fun weekend in Berkeley and SF, being silly and singing loudly with my former Cal colleagues who had become dear friends.

March 23-25 Was my whirlwind Anaheim weekend at Wondercon, and I got to catch up with my friend Mike, whom I’d not seen in a couple years.

March 30-April 1 was an epic road trip weekend, the first of what my friend Maya and I now call our Girls Gone Sensibly Wild excursions. We drove to Santa Barbara and visited the deserted UC campus there (it was closed for spring break) and also enjoyed an amazing live show featuring Dave Hause, Dan Andriano, and Cory Branan, among others at the Cold Spring Tavern. And then got a joint membership at Peachy Canyon Winery on our way back, because it was one of the few establishments open on Easter Sunday.

April 22 was Earth Day, and prompted me to venture out to Marin for an impromptu yoga hike at Rodeo Beach.

May 14 was my first appointment with a new hair stylist who would also unexpectedly become a trusted friend.

May 24 was my first time seeing Depeche Mode live, and it was incredible.

June 8-10 was my second of two hit it and quit it Chicago trips (although really, the first one wasn’t so much Chicago as it was Joliet) this year, and allowed me to reconnect with my dear friends Drew and Kelly (Drew finished his PhD at UChicago and I attended his commencement and hooding), have a day at the zoo with my friend Dawn, and also road trip to WI with my friend Mary for a beautiful and moving Lights Festival experience together.

June 30 was the day I attended my first ever CalShakes performance with Maya and our mutual friend Paola (Girls Gone Sensibly Wild continued!), and Maya also got me on a bike for the first time in ages, thanks to LimeBikes being available at the Pleasant Hill BART station. We took a short, wobbly, but fun ride down the Iron Horse Trail.

July 1 was the day I learned to kayak and surprisingly got myself through 5 miles of the Russian River without tipping over or running out of steam.

July 26 saw me reuniting with my dear pals Shannon and Glenn, when they were visiting the Sac area for a wedding.

July 27-29 was the weekend I drove up to Ashland to enjoy some time with my friend Debbie and to experience the Oregon Shakespeare Festival for the first time.

August 3-6 was when I somewhat unexpectedly had the delight of hosting my friend Clarise for a weekend visit. We drove down to Pacifica for the International Dog Surfing competition and I schooled her in the ways of California wine as much as I could with my limited knowledge.

The following weekend, August 9-13, I had a lovely time hosting and touring around with my 16 year old niece, and got to introduce her to the joy that is Santa Cruz. And yoga with goats!

August 30-Sept. 4 was when I hosted (this is a recurring theme in August, isn’t it?) my Aunt Sherrie for local sightseeing and a road trip up to Lake Tahoe.

Sept. 22-24 saw me heading down to L.A. for my cousin Katie’s wedding and some work meetings. It was the first time in ages that I got to connect with that specific branch of my family, and get to know them a bit better.

Sept. 29 was my first AFSP walk in Sac. And i was joined by Jade, her visiting mom, and her three little ones.

Sept. 30 was the really long hair session with Mason that helped solidify that we were legit friends (and included a shared sunset from the window of his hair studio!) and a quick follow up appointment on Oct. 3 allowed us to enjoy a rainbow and storm together.

Oct. 19-21 saw Maya and I doing another Girls Gone Sensibly Wild road trip. Back to Peachy Canyon to pick up some wine, and also Pismo Beach and Santa Maria for our first visit to a really lovely winery called Foxen.

Oct. 26 was quite possibly my all-time favorite Brian Fallon performance. It was just him alternating between his acoustic guitar and an electric piano, and he was joined by Craig Finn from The Hold Steady, who also did his own acoustic set.

Oct. 27 I got to introduce my new friend Torrey to the Old Sugar Mill in Clarksburg, and we did a fun wine and Halloween candy pairing and some epic day drinking.

Nov. 3 saw me reuniting with my Cal crew and a sprinkling of East Bay friends at Fillmore Karaoke, for an epic night of loud singing as an early celebration of my 40th bday. So much wine. Actually too much, but for a birthday, that’s acceptable!

Nov. 4-6 I was in Indianapolis for work, and though the work part wasn’t particularly memorable, I was super honored and thrilled that my BFF Dawn drove all the way down from Joliet IL with her two boys to have dinner with me on my first night there.

Nov. 9 was an epic Local H show in Sac. Also a welcome break in the midst of a period of forced solitude, after the Camp Fire residual smoke prompted my whole office to work from home for about a week to protect us from the terrible air quality.

Nov. 18 was the day we had the beautiful service honoring the life of a beloved professor who passed.

Nov. 24-29 was my trip to Cabo with my Aunt Sherrie, and was also my official bday celebration.

Dec. 9-12 was my DC trip, which also allowed me to catch up with my friend Max, who lives in Baltimore, and my friend Stacey, who also happened to be there for her own work purposes.

Dec. 15 was my full day of yoga retreating at Green Gulch Ranch in Marin, and then I drove to the East Bay to catch up with Maya at Calicraft, which is one of our favorite craft distilleries in the area.

Dec. 16 was a white elephant celebration in Pleasant Hill that allowed me to unexpectedly meet a new, interesting friend.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year? So far, meeting all expectations at my new job and closing a major gift earlier than is required. Also not losing my shit during the condo selling process, even though there were a lot of reasons to do so.

09. What was your biggest failure? I wrote VERY little fiction. But I did dip my toe back into writing in general, so I guess there’s that. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I took a tumble at home that left my tailbone a bit tender about a month ago. But otherwise, no, pretty healthy, even after getting rear-ended in my car! 11. What was the best thing you bought? Various travel tickets, both air and rail. A beautiful new necklace that I found at the holiday market in D.C. All the concert tickets that provided soul-fueling live music.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine! I adjusted to a new job and an unfamiliar setting and managed to acquire a few new friends while also maintaining the East Bay friendships that meant the most to me. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Who else but certain immediate family members? 14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Travel. Wine, and to a lesser extent, craft beer, now that I’ve picked up a taste for stouts and sours. 15. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Anything off of Sleepwalkers by Brian Fallon

Anything off of  Be More Kind by Frank Turner

Chariot by Gavin DeGraw

Tall Green Grass by Cory Branan

16. Compared to this time last year, you are: Thinner and sleeker, weight-wise

More willing to make room for others and open my life and space to them (friend and lover both) Still as sleep-deprived as ever 17. What do you wish you'd done more of? Novel writing, as always. Flirting. And kissing. 18. What do you wish you'd done less of? Angsting over adulting-related things that were either beyond my control or that ended up working out just as they should.

19. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?

I’m driving to Santa Cruz on Xmas Eve and treating myself to an overnight stay so that I can indulge in my happy place and a sunset hike. Also get to celebrate Boxing Day for the first time with my friend Jade and her brood back in Sac.

20. How will you be spending/did you spend New Year’s Eve? Original plan was to hang at my friend Jade’s place with her kids, movies and snacks. But just learned the wee ones are ill, so now I’m not sure what I’m doing. That was how I spent last year (the original plan, that is), with the main difference being that last year I also went to a two-hour yin workshop beforehand, which was how I discovered my current yoga studio, and discovered how much I enjoy yin practice in general. 21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

No. But I made more effort to pursue it, and had more options than I think I’ve ever had in a single year. Which was kind of encouraging even if each one was relatively short-lived.

22. How many one-night stands? I always laugh when I read this question. How about I just wink knowingly and say a lady never tells? 23. What was your favorite TV program? Supernatural. iZombie. To a lesser extent, Riverdale, even though I’m still pretty behind on that one. Sons of Anarchy (which I know is old but I’m playing catchup via Netflix and Hulu) And as a guilty pleasure, Total Divas. And of course, I'm still casually following WWE on the WWE network, though the only thing I’m finding compelling aside from the women’s matches are the Brits featured on the UK specific programming. 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, I don't think so. 25. What was the best book you read? I finally got into the Harry Potter series and I’m really enjoying it. I just finished the Order of the Phoenix, and have the next installment requested from the library. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Not entirely new, but my appreciation for Cory Branan was reinforced and amplified after seeing him in Santa Barbara. And I’m also on a rediscovery tear with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Cold War Kids.

27. What did you want and get? Reassurance that this move to Sac was the right next step, after I settled in to my new role relatively easily. 28. What did you want and not get? Romantic love for an extended period. More down time. 29. What was your favorite film(s) of this year? Bohemian Rhapsody, even though I know it had some historical inaccuracies.

A Quiet Place was hard because of the ending, but decent as well.

And the latest Halloween was hella satisfying, especially since I caught it after needing an escape after learning about the passing of the professor I mentioned earlier.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I prepped for my Cabo departure, went exploring at the Cosumnes River Trail, which is also a bird sanctuary, and caught the movie Widows with my work friend Christine. Then she took me to Panera for dinner. Couldnt’ do much more than that since I had a 5 am flight the following morning. I turned 40.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Love, as always. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? Activewear as much as possible. But never enough. 33. What kept you sane? My friends. The various trips I took and rock shows I attended. Junk food. Wandering in nature.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jensen Ackles. Tom Hiddleston. Charlie Hunnan. Idris Elba. My taste doesn't change much. 35. Who did you miss? Dawn. Becca. Kelly and Drew. Stephanie and Scott. Rob. Elspeth. Mike K. Jason. 36. Who was the best new person you met?

Lu

Ellen

Mason

Torrey

Anthony

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018 Never underestimate my own ability to adapt to new situations, and to handle my own shit like a boss. I had a few challenging things thrown at me, namely the condo selling process, and the logistical gymnastics that followed after having to bring my car in for a bumper repair following a recent rear-ending, and though I felt tested by both of those situations, I ultimately succeeded at navigating both of them to a positive end.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I’m always starting over....

I don’t wanna waste the nights in my life

But I never fit in, or felt home in my skin.

I’m waiting on a big love, baby.

--Brian Fallon, “Her Majesty’s Service”

[vespertineflora]

hi🥺wishing u well during these troubled times♥️im sending this message bc I feel u would know more about something like this (& bc we’re both lesbians lol) but I need ur advice on a situation. here it is: im freshly 20, bday was last month. I have this really hot, & I mean smoking hot older butch coworker (well, used to) who I pined after b4 she left 2 2nd shift (we were 1st shift) & being me, I whined to my other coworker who worked closely w my crush & jokingly told him to message her (cont.)

message her for me and I didn’t think he would do it but he did and see enough, he texts me & tells me my crush said to text her and I did. she compliments my bravery and said she didn’t think anyone from where we work ever think she’s hot (?!?!?!?) unrealistic. but anyways, we text and text. Mild hurt and drama happen but we get through it. We occasionally see each other in person at our workplace (my day off, her being 2nd shift) and I get so happy thinking about her ugh.

then we get to a point where she tells me she’s moving 1hour 30mins away from me & that she wants to continue to stay friends. (Earlier on she texted me & said “let’s see where this relationship goes😉) idk how to interpret that or what to think bc I really thought she wanted to get a relationship going, like as in gfxgf. Idk. but now she’s gone and we barely text bc I feel like she’s just, not into me, as a person? She compliments me & calls me pet names and calls me cute & shit

so idk what she’s trying to do. She seems so mean & my coworkers all say she’s a bitch & mean & it seems that way but she’s nice to me. but when we’re texting she kinda just, brushes me off? Doesn’t ask how I’m doing or how I am even tho I’m invested into her emotional baggage & everything. idk if it’s our age diff even tho she said it’s not about that in a relationship (??!) (I’m freshly 20, she’s going on 41 in April) but idk man, am I thinking too much & being a doormat? Advise me🥺

Well, let me say first, I'm really honored you would come to me for advice, and I hope that I can help!

I'm sorry you're in such a confusing situation :c plus any time distance is involved, it tends to just complicate things more.

I will say that, even when both parties are adults, it's very dismissive to say that age doesn't matter, especially with an age gap as drastic as that. Now, it's not impossible for two people who are far apart in age to have a healthy relationship, but it is a bit of a red flag. Sometimes it's a predatory thing, where the older person is looking to groom a younger partner, or they're looking for a specific power imbalance, but that's not always the case, and I don't know enough about your interactions with her to tell you that's what's happening.

Sometimes it's just about the difference in self-awareness and maturity between two people of very different ages. That could be part of what's causing a dissonance between you two. When I was in my early twenties, I dated someone in their early thirties--and even at just nine or so years apart, we were at clearly very different places in our lives when it came to what we were looking for and expecting from a relationship and each other.

Honestly, based on how you've described it, there are some mixed messages in what she wants and how she feels. Now, there's a chance that she doesn't ask you about your day because she's working under the assumption that you'll just talk about your day if you want to, and doesn't realize you want her to ask, which is just a difference in communication expectations. This is especially true with texting, because the older someone is, the less they're used to relying on text as a primary means of communication (my 41yo boss, for instance, would always prefer phone/facetime communication)! There's also a chance her not asking means she's not invested. Saying she wants to see where the relationship goes while also saying she wants to stay friends is also confusing.

The hardest pieces of advice I can give, and probably the hardest to hear:

1) Try to figure out what you want. Is this a person you want to pursue a relationship with? Do you have shared life goals and interests? If you decide you just want to stay friends, then that's fine! If you decide you do want a chance at having a romantic relationship with this person, then proceed to step 2

2) Talk to her about it. I KNOW this is hard, and might even feel impossible, but think of it this way: if this person isn't someone you can have an open conversation with about your feelings and theirs, then this probably isn't someone you should date anyway. If you don't feel comfortable having the conversation directly, the next-best thing to do is to type up your feelings beforehand, just outlining how you feel about her, what you'd like to happen (to try dating or pursue something more serious, etc.) and then ask her how she feels and how she sees your relationship. After this is typed, find out when she'd be free to have time to read the note/email/etc. and respond (instead of just sending it while she might be unable to read and respond properly). I understand how terrifying it is to let yourself be vulnerable, but being honest with her about what you want, and asking for an honest response is the quickest way to find out if you two are on the same page.

I do really hope this helped, and I’m wishing you the best! Stay safe out there in these trying times xx