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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

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Genshin: Roommate HCs [V1]

To be honest, I just wanted to ramble some more and let my brainworms take over. This is sorta late but Happy Valentine’s everyone! I was gonna post this earlier but this honestly took me a long time to write so I moved it to today.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. Seriously, as much as I love writing this non-serious fics. Why do you people like this?

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Based off my ramblings with Keqing anon: Link

Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @kaechu @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife @dokidokisama @rokipersonal@minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki @hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @nonniechan @htnicayh @genshins1mpact

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Diluc

What? Diluc has a roommate? Did you blackmail him in living with you? Is that even possible? Did you throw yourself in front of his car because you needed someone to pay for your student loans and the easiest way was to file a lawsuit? In this economy no one would blame you. Diluc seems like such the self-isolated character that would murder his roommate in cold blood but in reality, he act’s detached from the world because he forgot how to socialize and he’s desperately trying to cover it up without choking. That or he’s trying to learn how to astral project. If he could drink away the pain he would but instead he buys 20 packs of grape Kool-Aid and injects it into his veins.

Does not and will not ever have a normal sleeping schedule. You’ll wake up to him working, come back home to him working, and will sleep to him still working. His daily dose of Vitamin D is from the brightness of his screen rather than the sun and he’s filter feeding at this point. It’s concerning. He’s going to crumble and he’s bringing the world down with him. Through the power of tax evasion. But as soon as he needs to walk out into society, he pulls movie magic and looks like perfection. It’s both physically and mentally disgusting.

He’s actually is a really nice roommate to have just so long as you give him space. Great cook and knows to clean up after himself. Though he does have crash and burn days where’s he’s completely out of commission. You could set the entire apartment on fire and he would sleep through it. The entire two weeks are dedicated to zombie eye marathons and then he’ll suddenly collapse and sleep for 46 hours straight. When he wakes up from his hibernation he’s the most groggy and nonsensical person. His life blood is coffee because you keep hiding the 5 hour energy away from him because, you know, life is enjoyable and those cancer bottles will actually kill him.

“University sucks our money out of our bodies faster than our will to live.”

Beidou [Happy Birthday Queen 💕]

Despite her appearance, she’s actually really strong and it scares the piss out of you when you’re doing something or scrolling through your phone mindlessly and you suddenly get your spine re-arranged when she slaps you on the back to ask what you’re doing. Likewise, when she hoists you up and throws you over her shoulder so you come with her on her 3am convivence store raids for alcohol. It’s either you change now or else we’re walking out of the apartment in your t-shirt and no pants self. She can and will carry you under her arm that way. It’s both incredibly attractive and horrifying at the same time.

She’s really friendly and a great talker if you’re alright with her “I must hold you in my arms, fresh prince of bel air style”. It doesn’t matter if you’re taller than her, she’s doing it. She does however, get in a bit of trouble from her rowdiness and you often get noise complaints but Beidou just passes them off to Ningguang and everything is fixed. She has ovaries of steel when neighbors rather confront her personally and she’s ready to 1v1 in the parking lot. You’re trying to desperately hold onto her shirt to stop her from pile driving your neighbors for the third time this week but she’s too strong.

She’s constant party until we die attitude and suffers the hangover in the morning. It’s actually really funny to catch her in her hangover moods because whatever filter Beidou had, which is none, is gone. She really takes “cursing like a sailor” or the next level and the amount of creativity she comes up with is actually impressive. She can be a bit messy but she’s really likeable and always down to go anywhere with you as long as you’ll do the same. It’s a very ride together, we die together situation. You’re my best friend, you’re dying with me. I’ll see you in hell.

“Imma T pose over my dad and then crash the car into the parking garage.”

Kaeya

Kaeya on the surface seems like such a chill roommate. And he is for the most part. But he’s such an ass. Your things are his things, no questions asked. If you just bought a really nice sweater or you had leftover food, that’s his now. He’s innocent until proven guilty even if he’s literally holding your lunch. The pure amount of bullshit he can spit out to convince you that no, he did not pull the fire alarm because he wanted an excuse for not going to work, puts him on Shakespeare level. He’s also very pretty, way too pretty, sir can you share some of your genes?

But aside from that, he’s actually super dependable. You forgot something at home? Sure, he has nothing better to do so he can bring them for you. We’re missing eggs? No problem, he’s just by the store. You’re 95% sure that he just wants to be cheeky and make you thank him for 20 minutes before he actually hands you what you asked for. It’s better for you if you never tell him anything you’re afraid of because Kaeya has no social cues, or more like he throws them out the window, and he’s probably a psychopath.

He’s incredibly private of his room and things despite his attitude towards yours. You’re convinced he either has a secret lab or that’s where he’s storing the bodies. I was the good guy but due to unfortunate circumstances, I need to stab a bitch. But he’s a really good serious talker for those 3am, because everything happens at 3am, talks about life and the meaning of the universe. It absolutely wrecks your sleep schedule but some of the things you talk about are the most crackhead things like what’s the lowest amount of money someone would have to pay you to walk outside without clothes? It’s a legitimate question.

“Never before have I been so offended with something I 100% agree with.”

Jean

Okay, what world did you save in a past life to live with his absolutely wonderful woman? Mother Teresa take a load off, take a seat. You have nothing to worry about. She’ll bring home little treats back home and it’s the most wholesome thing ever?? Is this what love and affection feels like? We’ve been starved for so long. She says it’s not a big deal and anyone would do it BUT THE MOMENT SOMEONE BUYS FOOD FOR YOU. IT’S A MAGICAL MOMENT. They are forever stuck in your will until proven otherwise. An absolute ray of sunshine that must be protected.

She does get super busy so you don’t often see each other or get to hang out as much. She’s a bit of a workaholic but a lot more easier to talk her into taking a break. She’s also a pretty decent cook but she prefers baking and jesus christ, girl can you calm down? Be still my beating heart, I’ve been smitten. Has mother hen vibes that you’re not sure if she’s your roommate or if she adopted you into her family. It’s time to start a petition for the Jean protection squad. Given the opportunity, I would aggressively hold your hand.

She’s always open to whatever you want to do. Any recommendations or things that you like she will try out at least once despite her busy schedule. She’s lowkey lonely because work consumes her so any time you want to hang out or do something together, she jumps on it like she’s feral. She get’s a bit shy to ask if she can join in on your plans because she doesn’t want to bother you or intrude no matter how many times you tell her that’s okay, she still get’s a bit iffy about it. Please save this girl before she trips. In your arms. Platonically. Just kidding haha. Unless?

“I can’t wait to see you happy and not hating everyone again haha.”

Childe

First impressions of Childe were great, until he opened his mouth and you realized how much of a two brain cell child(e) he was. He has two braincells because they constantly have to 1v1 in his brain. He’s lived with a lot of siblings so he has no social awareness or concept of privacy that you’re lucky if you come home and he’s half-dressed. It doesn’t matter if you’re 2 weeks older than him, he’s going to call you 82 years old and why your bones aren’t being fossilized at this point. He’s such a little shit, this fucker licks the yogurt lid peel.

He get’s really restless when he’s stuck under house arrest, because apparently 1v1ing in the parking lot of a Wendy’s is illegal for some reason, so he makes dying whale noises until he get’s to go outside again. But he’s actually a really wholesome guy, probably because of his younger siblings, that he’ll sometimes get you something because you seemed down and it’s such whiplash? Who is this man and where did he come from? You’re starting to have a change of heart before he tells you that he got banned from the library for accidently punching the school’s computer. How you “accidently” punch something you have no idea but Childe always comes home with some sort of injury. Maybe he’s just incredibly clumsy. For your sanity, you’re going to go with that.

He’s actually so uncultured that it’s crippling. You can’t blame him too much considering his upbringing and it’s great that he’s so interested in learning new things but...child no...It makes you want to take your spine out of your ass and rip it like a Beyblade. Watching him take chopsticks and stab his food like it’s marshmallows makes you want to fall into a blackhole and let the chair consume you.

“I, too, fantasize about beating the living shit out of people.”

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Is this another tag yourself game cause I resonate with Diluc. I’m crying in insomnia. As much as I enjoy writing these fics I absolutely hate tagging them. I remember I used to have a tag anon but that was back when I wrote for bnha.

Valentine’s Day was fun tho. I had a drinking game with friends as we played league then ended it off with a movie night.

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moonlit-mizukage · 4 years ago

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Chapter Fifteen: 1am Joyride

Summary: Y/l/n Y/n, a third year at Sakura High School, is just a girl with a bad attitude towards anyone outside her small circle. When y/n’s younger sister starts first year, she gains a lot of attention. Unfortunately for everyone in school, the Y/l/n household has one rule, No dating till y/n does. Some people become just desperate enough to pay the leader of the “Monsters”, the trouble making group on campus, to date y/n. What will happen when she finds out? (All characters aged up to third year unless otherwise stated)

TW: Swearing, mentions of violence, implied past abuse, parents not loving their children, abandonment, foster care, jail, death

AN: THIS CHAP IS A BACK STORY SO IF YOU ARE UNCOMFY I WILL POST A SMALL LINE FROM THEN END OF THISON THE NEXT ONE AS WELL!!! Sorry as well for not updating lots. Yeah girl has been dissociating so much and losing days. I blinked and now its friday at almost 3am. My even closes as well on the 21st so if you want to participate please check out this Prompt list!!

Word Count: 1.2K

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Y/N POV

I heard the rev of Tendou’s motorbike outside my window. I grabbed my jacket and Climbed out my open window. I took the lightest steps I could around and passed Mei’s window. I grabbed the tree and started to climb down. I walked up to Tendou.

“You look hot when you are angry babe.”

“Gross, let’s just get out of here.” I grabbed the helmet from his hands as I climbed on the back.

We rode down the rural neighbourhoods of the city. I never felt more relaxed than I did in that moment, my arms wrapped around him, the wind blowing on my body as we rode off. I wanted this moment to last. We soon stopped as Tendou reached for his helmet.

“This is my thinking spot. It’s usually quiet this time of night.” I took my helmet off and stepped off the bike.

“I didn’t expect you to be of all people to need a thinking spot. Though you just Monster listed them.”

“Unfortunately there's things the Monsters can’t always help with.” The atmosphere around him seemed to change to somewhat of a depressing vibe.

“I really liked being on the bike. I didn’t even notice we ended up going up a hill to this lookout point.”

“I knew you’d be distracted once you got to touch me.” He said with a wink as he pulled me into his arms. Our lips almost touched as he whispered. “Everytime I see you, you get more beautiful.”

“Gross.” I whispered back as we both went in for a kiss..

Tendou’s phone startled us as he pulled away.

“What is it?” He asked as he answered the phone. A few minutes of silence passed.

“No, I am at the lookout point. Can’t he just lie like he always does?” A deep sigh came from him as he heard the response.

“Just give him my special stash and tell him to give it to her only if she won't come back. Shes a fucking bitch anyways. No one is at a loss by this. What’s a few couple hundred to get a forever problem solved?” Tendou laughed at whoever was on the other side of the phone and hung up.

“Sorry Y/n. Monster shit never stops when Teru”s one time hook ups won’t stop coming back.”

“I don’t understand why you covered his ass. He’s going to act like a pig. He should deal with it on his own.” I slapped a hand over my mouth “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“I know you aren’t the only one who sees it that way but Teru and Mad have been here for me always. We used to be little brats back in our elementary days too. Teru was actually a Quiet little devil at first. I do admit we definitely have opposite opinions on girls' purpose. He did watch his mom go through boys every other day some new guy railing her in the kitchen when he got home from school. His mom told him if the sex isn’t an 10 then they are not worth it”

“How would he even know what a 10 is?’’

“I think he just does it to feel some kind of connection to a girl. In hope’s to find ‘The one’, he just wants to be loved and accepted by someone. He knows he's got us but he’s never felt loved by his mom, doesn’t even know who his dad is.”

“I had no idea, I feel terrible now” I said back to him. He pulled me closer to him again as he rested on the rail.

“He’s honestly such a good guy. All four of them are. Mad gets in a lot of fights because that's all he knew his entire childhood from his 3 older brothers used to fight him. His dad was about the same in that sense too. The reason he always punches instead of thinks before he acts is that is what he's been taught. He moved out of his house at 16 after we got some income and met the other two. Started to raise some hell in our school you know?”

“It makes sense why he always tries to fight everyone then.”I said back.

“Hanamaki though is a rich kid whose parents would rather pretend he doesn’t exist. He lived with his grandma on the other side of Tokyo till she passed away in the last year of middle school. Now they buy him whatever he wants while they live who knows where in the world. Him and Matsukawa have been friends since elementary though, Matsun even followed him to Highschool cause he got expelled the last day of school for setting a classroom on fire smoking too close to some curtains. Matsukawa though also didn’t have a good upbringing. His mom left him at 2 years old outside a random house with a note saying she never wanted him. It took 4 years for him to find his father, by then the kid already had some damage because of the system. His dad worked too much to see it for himself though. That just made his choice to move in with Maki much easier for him. That's how we all kinda met though, our broken homes.” Tendou finished, as he turned away and looked out at the view.

“What’s your story Satori?” I asked him.

“My father’s in jail, my mother is dead.”

“Holy shit, I am so sorry Satori.”

“I spent most of my childhood jumping from foster home to foster home. I was a demon spawn though. Always making sure they would move me around. Getting my nickname Guess Monster cause no one knew what I would do next. I live with my grandma now.” He said.

“I am sorry I always called you the second biggest asshole on earth. I had no idea.” He just laughed knowing I meant Oikawa as number one.

“And how about you y/n? What’s your story?”

“Um, my mom left us for a guy in Paris when I was young. I was basically raising Mei as my child, with my father being a doctor he's usually never home. Well till I started dipping on her for Oikawa. Now she hates my guts and my father spoils her so much cause he feels bad about missing out so much.”

“Wait Oikawa? I thought you always hated him” He said. I began to explain to him the same story I had told Mei earlier the night. “I always knew he was a piece of shit.”

“If only Mei did. That’s why we fought too.” Tendou pulled me in closer again. He smiled at me as he gave his signature smile.

“It’s nice to have someone to trust outside of my circle again.” He pulled me into a passionate kiss….

The night continued for a bit longer as he brought me back home once again. I got off his bike and looked down at him as he took his helmet off and stood up.

“Satori.”

“Yes Y/n?”

“You were right, I did fall for you.” With that I placed a passionate kiss on his lips again. I pulled away and turned around to begin to climb back into my house...

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Previous | Masterlist | Next

An: My mobile tumblr wont let my fix things so links on all “next” buttons will be fixed when it stops being this T^T

Taglist: @belongtothewcrld @elianetsantana @its-the-aerieljeane @london-quynh @vhskenma @denkithunder @swagdaddycam @ems1des @tendouispretty @senpaisbadass @elephantloser @smolbbgorl @mikeys-thighs @kuroolilchibichan @softesyoongi @ouijaeater15 @xxsilverwingxx @prettyinblack231 @kookie-doughs @mikesdeath @bruh-kill-me @skeet-skeet-double-fckn-yeet @d0llpie @0-hysteria-0 @katsumi-sumi @rintarawr @sirachano0dles @satan-ruler-of-hells @himboos @maer-333 @pastel-prynce

#tendou x reader #tendou x you #tendou x y/n #tendou smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu smau

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vinylhazza · 4 years ago

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“i want to go home” and “let me go” with ethan 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 make it angsty i missed ur angst

you don’t want to fight with him. you weren’t the fighting type, but christ he can be insufferable sometimes. it hurt you to fight with him - no matter how much he deserved to have his ass handed to him on more than one occasion.

ethan is stubborn. often times brooding during your time together. you’ve known that since the first day you met him and watched with confused delite when he refused for you to pay for your own coffee only minutes after having small talk. he wasn’t the easiest to understand right off the bat that’s for sure. he’d talked of things far beyond your comprehension and spoke eloquently. he’d inserted his card into the chip reader with his brows turned down in a pout, dark hair a perfect mess atop his head, shoes shined, suit pressed. the corners of his mouth drooped to match his adorable pout, merely shaking his head briskly when you’d tried to pay him back. you’d known it to be a kind gesture, and he confirmed those thoughts by later slipping the small white receipt piece in your jacket pocket with seven messy digits drawn right next to a sloppy smiley face.

you still have that receipt in the top drawer of your nightstand. that spark...you remembered that first spark. thinking of him from that day on was habit, and often times more than you could handle. he’d captured a part of you before you’d even realized it. he had that effect on people.

you waited weeks until you’d texted him, too much of a chicken-shit to think he actually meant it as anything more than a kind gesture for listening to him drone on about marketing for at least a half an hour. to your surprise, he had texted back in minutes. from them on he’d made every attempt at scoring a date with you, and when he finally did - you had the best night of your life.

boy did the man have a personality. take that as you will.

if he so much as felt you were having an attitude, he’d refuse your kisses until you agreed to talk to him like a “big girl.” you knew from the moment he whipped his head to the side and shut his eyes, your body going still where you leaned across the table watching him pay bills or work on deadline work. not only did it make you want to fall into the floor and hope the foundation swallowed you up, but it forced you to talk - something you could never get him to do.

ethan only buys you the best of the best despite your objections. you figured that’s what love means to him in a way, giving your all even if it wasn't emotionally. you'd never had the guts to tell him you like to be held more than anything. he makes sure to never leave you unsatisfied in bed - especially if he noticed your legs weren’t shaking hard enough to his liking. tells you any story you want to hear if it means you’ll sleep peacefully. let’s you read your favorite books to him: his head in your lap, arms crossed over his chest in thought, pondering eyes on the ceiling. he’d stop you for explanations along the way. it was an adorable habit that you will love until the end of time. the fact that he wanted to hear your thoughts. you found yourself jotting down scribbles in the margins just to remember the moments exactly as they were: pure.

he tries to act hard, like the world is his slave and bends at his will, you know - oh you know just how soft his heart truly was. even if he was an arrogant ass 87% of the time. but he’s learning. how to be a boyfriend, how to be a man that doesn’t have to hide from vulnerability and emotion. he’s learning despite his discomfort.

ethan never wanted help when making the bed, no matter how many times you insisted and he always wanted to help you put your sunscreen on during summer and run your baths when you’ve had a long day. his work computer was shut off at seven sharp every night and shower always started at six in the morning. keys must be placed on their rightful hook and shoes on the mat. notepad must be placed on his side of the bed in case a thought wakes him in the night and he can’t go to sleep until he writes it down. all of which were non negotiable. he was stubborn, yes...but you loved him.

above all else there was love. so much love it consumed him deep in the pits of his body, mind and soul. even if he couldn’t, or much rather wouldn’t explain just how much you’d bewitched him...there was love.

he had a funny way of showing this love through obstacles and hoops you’d taken forever to jump through early on in your odd relationship. first it was friendship, a strange friendship at that. mostly consisting of calling each other randomly to ask what the person was thinking at that moment, which led to conversations of witches, wizards, and ghouls - children's tales and memories from the past that sprung free of the net. regardless if he meant for it to happen or not, that friendship blossomed into a whirlpool of admittances he would have damned himself for in the past:

“I wanted to see you”

“I hope you're okay”

“let me know when you get home safe”

“can you read that part again? I like the sound of your voice”

“I know you got that job, they’d be insane not to hire you”

“come over, I miss you”

“do you miss me too?”

“I thought of you today”

friendship turned into fire kindling in the pits of him

he wasn’t easy to trust others and you’d earned that trust fair and square. first through kindness, honesty, and a lot of self control. he wasn’t like every guy you’d been with in the past and you didn’t treat him like such. you’d been the only one to take your time and learn the inner workings of his mind and understand, not just engage or maintain his happiness. you’d expanded your craft in making him happy. giggling in bed at 3am, lovestruck, insanely, truly, madly, deeply happy. but demons don’t go away forever, and good behavior must be learned - especially with a life that has treated you unfairly.

you understood how troubled ethans mind could be at times and you tried to be patient. patient enough that when he looked over at you, he trusted that you’d listen to him even if he was being irritating and crude. the darkness swirling in his eyes didn't scare you off, not like the others. you chose to stay time and time again. not that you were a push over by any means but one must understand how hard it became sometimes, to be patient in times where he blocked out every voice, every noise, every reasonable answer and refused to listen. refused your help and your advice, gave you silence as a reward for thirty minutes of trying to make him smile. it was frustrating to be ignored.

there was a lesson you'd known to be true: no matter how many stars you wish on, how many pennies you drop into the well, nothing is ever as perfect as it seems.

you had told him more times than you could count on one hand: you weren’t his enemy. when it felt like the world was out to get him, like the sky was black and blue and he couldn’t see any light in the foreseeable future, you were there with a kind hand to lead him back. back to himself, reality, sanity. with the good came the bad and the constant back and forth it was taking it’s toll. if something didn’t change soon, he’d find that his light has left him in the clouds.

that’s how you found yourself sitting with your fingers fiddling in your lap, in the passenger seat of a car that you’d have to sell your soul to be able to afford, the hot air blowing through the vents and over your now trembling fingers, dress now more tight and uncomfortable than it seemed to be half an hour ago. you tried focusing on anything than the eery silence, save for the quiet music rolling through the speakers. it was easier than you’d thought to drown out the voices - you weren’t in the mindset to listen to someone else's problems. the many rings you wore now the main focal point for the agonizing hour drive back to your shared apartment.

it was a collection of pointless noise. pointless for the simple reason that the only sound you really wanted at the time was ethans voice. the low vibration that shot sparks straight to your stomach, the vibrato that sounded like home. anything to let you know he was okay, that he was working through his emotions instead of shutting them off.

“you okay?”

the last thing that had been said in over 30 minutes. you knew he was frustrated with himself by the white knuckled grip on the steering wheel, the way he drove at least ten over the speed limit, and the torturous strain of his taught jaw muscles, eyes shooting daggers at the road. he hadn’t given you an answer.

if you’d known Alec would be there, you never would have gone. you never thought in a million years you’d be seeing him again unless forced by the universe to punish you. punish you both. how often did you see your boyfriends ex bestfriend who happened to co-exist as the ex of your very own bestfriend? a person you’d both chosen to cut ties with for a multitude of reasons. for the better. a lying manipulating cheater that had no place in your life or anyone that you loved. the connection between the two had been a shock at first, but you were quick to warn ethan about the deceitful nature of his “friend.” you wondered how you’d never met ethan before considering that link but were thankful he decided to shoot his shot in the café not a block from your old apartment.

alec was...sneaky. not only had he betrayed you and your bestfriend, shown his true colors, but he’d also betrayed ethan - his closest companion for over a decade. it wasn’t long before he dropped the both of them like they were a virus he was glad to be rid of. it broke your heart to see them both grieve the man they thought they knew. from that day forward, you made it your mission to try and lessen that pain for the two of them in whatever way you could. you became the anchor to a ship gone rogue.

you’d been just as shocked as ethan to see him at the event. an event he wouldn’t have even been at, had it not been for ethan and his good word.

alec was part of the holding company, Rissito’s Publishing Co golden boy. a new top boss only thanks to ethans referral and promise that he’d “kill it.” HR ate it up. if only ethan had known beforehand the betrayal that would unleash after his hiring - he’d have stuck his foot in his mouth long before he told HR to give him a chance.

Alec was someone who gained respect without earning it first. someone who took advantage of a good friends kindness and used it for his own benefit, while leaving that same friend in the dust. he was a dispicable tyrant that had nothing better to do than ruin people to get ahead. no matter what cost.

he was someone who rarely showed his face at events that gave him no ego boost or feeling of supremacy.

you didn’t think your stomach would twist up at the the mere sight of his icy blonde air, unbelievable posture, and wicked grin. but it did. the few times you’d met him for your friend and for ethan...you’d felt the wind of something bad. “something wicked this way comes” right?

you’d been so stunned that you’d stopped in your tracks and let go of ethan’s hand altogether. the air stuck somewhere deep down in your chest, threatening to burst if you didn’t get as far away as you could. of course he would be here, he was invited to speak on behalf of the company. you quickly scolded yourself, reminded that this night wasn’t about you or alec no matter what past or resentment you held - it was about being there in support of ethan and his accomplishments.

alec had strolled up on stage draped with navy velvet curtains, right to a glass podium clear enough that you had to squint to see it just to “give his thanks and welcome” to the crowd of overdressed office workers. you wondered for a brief moment how strange he sounded when he spoke formally. like a robot coached to please. he’d used the same voice when he gaslighted your friend into thinking she was insane and needed help. really he was the lost boy. he spoke down to the group of people he now had authority over. people you knew he didn’t give two fucks about. he looked the same as you remembered - but if possible more sinister. he was the devil in the flesh and someone you knew could set ethan off in seconds. to your horror, your suspicions were true.

this was ethan’s night. at least to you and everyone that cared about him. a night he worked hard towards and quite frankly busted his ass to achieve. he deserved the silver platters, champagne, laughs with his co-workers, a pat on the back from his boss standing somewhere near the exit that you’d missed somehow on your way in. you knew it would be ruined if he let his anger get the best of him. you couldn’t stop his fuse igniting, and just when you thought you’d made it to the clear, that he’d been paying too much attention in trying to find snacks to satisfy his growling stomach - ethan froze beside you. statue still and glaring at alec. you were shocked alec didn’t drop dead from the look.

“i want to go home,” ethan had seethed immediately upon seeing Alec rise to the podium, grabbing your wrist tight with his fingers. too tight would describe his hold. much too tight. he all but ignored your grimace and look of confusion.

“we just got here ethan, you haven’t even received the award,” you had tried to reason with him. he was acting brash. impulsive and irrational. he’d be called to the stage any moment, an award he obviously no longer cared about. when ethan was set on a mission, he was rarely persuaded.

“i don’t give a fuck,” he growled lowly, turning to look at you with laser hot eyes, “i don’t want to be anywhere near that prick and honestly i don’t know why you would either, y/n.”

it stung to hear him spit your name through his clenched teeth, but you tried your best to ignore it.

you heard him. you did. but you also knew he’d regret walking out the door more than he thought at the time. for years all he’s wanted was the recognition that he’d get in just a few minutes - the praise you knew he yearned for. but he was hell bent on getting the hell away from he who must not be named.

“tonight isn’t about him. it’s about your amazing accomplishments. something you’ve earned and worked hard for. don’t let him take this away from you!” of course your words fell on deaf ears. he wasn’t in any position to negotiate.

“stop. talking,” he barked, nails digging into your delicate skin, marching through the crowd of concerned on-lookers.

“ethan stop...you’re hurting me. please stop and talk to me, we can go to the bathroom or something,” you begged, trying not to blush with all eyes set on the two of you. taking a quick glance around to the raised eyebrows and turned up lips you shook your head in embarrassment. you were mortified to be a part of such a scene.

you were embarassed to be causing such a scene at a prestigious event for one of the biggest publishing companies in the country. it caused your stomach to turn at the thought of ever having to face the crowd of people again. your office visits would be few and far between after this.

“baby please,” you whimpered pathetically, trying yet again to be a voice of reason. you figured a pet name would get through to him. hopefully to calm the storm crashing in his head, “stop and look at me.”

“all he’s ever done is fucking ruin things, y/n. don’t you agree? he caused you and i both havoc for MONTHS and you want to stand and listen to this fucking shit?” he barked, turning to look at you with daggers for eyes, “i’ll be damned if i stare at his cocky smirk all night long.” you worried his jaw might break from the strength of his clenching, but chose to keep your knit picking you yourself he’d grumbled one last “fucking dickhead.” before you’d flinched at the aching of your wrist.

being dragged through a crowd of people wasn’t exactly the easiest task when you could barely keep up with his strides on a daily basis, let alone when he was sprinting around tables set for a feast, elegantly dressed men and women, staff that bustled about, and security that eyed you both like a hawk - thankful for your hasty exit.

“let me go!” you cried with one final feeble attempt to reach him through his blind rage from just the sight of the man that had hurt you both deeply. you wretched your hand like a girl gone mad, ignoring the gasps of people much too prudish to ever sympathize with your situation - all they knew what judgment and riches.

guilt crashing through his wall of xxx only allowing him a horrified glance back at your pained expression, yanking his hand back and away from you without a word. he held his arm to his chest as if it pained him to touch you in any way but his usual soft caress.

you watched warily when he turned toward the open set of double doors, this time without grabbing you. you had half a mind not to follow him. but you weighed your options heavily: stay for no reason and get judged and ridiculed by a crowd of people that thought less of you than dirt and even worse, have to talk to alec? or run after ethan and hope for the best on the ride home? hanging your head, you gathered the bottom of your burgundy dress in your hands shyly as to not trip and humiliate yourself further, walking briskly towards the parking lot. you knew he’d be more than ashamed with himself for acting the way he had, disgusted with his failure to perceiver through a problem.

he’s lost control. ethan hated losing control.

isnt that exactly what alec would want? he would want to see ethan crumble before his eyes and the many eyes of people he’s meant to be composed and professional around. create a name for himself: not a good one.

he would want to see him act out and lose his sanity with resentment and hatred in front of the well respected business men and women he worked with daily. alec was far too narcissistic to admit to his wrongdoings, but had a way of making his victims seem crazy. it was the toxicity you’d dealt with for the entirety of your miserable relationship. you felt ill at the fact that ethan had to experience it. had to deal with it for the sake of his job.

he did hate him, more than he’d admit. but really what lied beneath the surface is something he’s only admitted to you once before when he’d had one too many shots. more than anything, alec caused him a great deal of pain. ethan was hurt by his late friend. he was hurt by the reckless behavior and betrayal. he was hurt that alec tried to take his job out from under him instead of being satisfied with what he had. he was hurt that he treated you no greater than a peasant. he was hurt that he’d thrown away years of friendship just to get ahead. more than anything, ethan was hurt. but of course he was too stubborn to say that to you, to anyone, maybe even too scared to admit it to himself.

pulling into the parking garage was in no way an experience you wanted to relive again. the silence pained you. the silence pained him too, and you know it whether or not he’d say so. your tears, silently falling right next to the man you’d normally run to, went unnoticed. the yellow-orange of the lights bounced off the hood of the car to illuminate your devestated expression. you couldn’t believe how the night had played out and how easy it had been for alec to get the best of you both. he had won. again. the thought made your stomach churn.

he was out of line tonight. he’s not only made an ass of himself in front of the head management of his company, but he’d had total disregard for his actions towards you - physical and verbal. tonight...he was someone you didn’t want to be around.

your wrist was red from where he’d grabbed you at the party, reminding you that ethan did need a serious wake up call. you’d done as much as you could to soothe him and you won’t be subject to his wrath.

when he finally turned into a parking spot and turned the car off, he finally did speak. but it was in no way what you wanted to hear.

“they’ll hold the award. i would have been on the stage speaking for a couple seconds before they moved on.”

despite your efforts, you scoffed at how abtuse he really was to the situation.

“i asked if you were okay. but you acted very not okay and i don’t know how to help you or even if i want to,” you told him earnestly, eyes glued to your lap.

“what does that even mean?” ethan snapped, running a hand through his hair.

you watched as a grey expedition passed in the side mirror before you chose to respond as calmly as you could.

“it was so easy for you to lose control.”

“i don’t stay in situations that hinder me or the people i care about.”

“oh so now you care about me?”

“that’s not fair, y/n,” he sighed, shaking his head and looking out his respective window.

“and this is?” you hold up your reddened wrist, just far enough that he couldn’t ignore the gesture and turned to look at you briefly.

“it wasn’t personal, i just get so...”

“angry. you were angry and i understand why you would be. al...he showed up out of nowhere and you don’t do well with surprises. but he is a part of that company now and maybe we both should have prepared ourselves before we stepped foot out of the apartment tonight. i didn’t deserve that and neither did anyone else at the event tonight.”

he opened his mouth to speak, another excuse your sure but you carried on while blinking back hot tears.

“you were impulsive and gave no mind to the way you treated me and how it must have looked to your boss who watched us leave not even 30 minutes after we arrived. how do you think you’ll feel in the morning when this is all you’ve wanted and you let him ruin it? you always said you were done letting people get the best of you.”

“he has a way of pissing me off and he’s just- he doesn’t care okay?! he sat up there and told lies, y/n. he doesn’t give a fuck about the job or the people or even all of the good we do and dreams we help make a reality. i...i should have been the one up there talking...” ah...so jealousy it was.

“ethan,” you laugh, not with humor but disbelief, “you know he’s as fake as they come. he doesn’t care like you do. you will have your time to shine and you would have tonight if you hadn’t ran away like a coward.”

“i don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he grumbled, opening the latch on the door in an attempt to get out and leave a conversation where he had to talk about how he felt.

“you can run all you want but one day these feelings will catch up with you and you’ll crash. you’ve opened up quite a bit with me over the past few months and i’ve noticed that change and i’ve been proud. more than anything i’m proud...but this has to stop,” you grab him by his bicep, forcing him to look at the tears that fell onto your cheek, ignoring the stiff silence without the aid of the radio and air conditioning, “you have to start believing in yourself like i do. who gives a fuck if he’s a man with five seconds of fame he didn’t even earn? you bust your ass every single day and you know it.”

his eyes shoot across your kind face, landing on your eyes that scream he’s sorry, he messed up, he wants to talk but doesn’t know what to say.

“no one can make you feel inferior without your permission remember?” you nod, trying your best to give him a smile. you suppose it looked more like a grimace.

“right,” he huffs, sucking in a breath like he’d been suffocating the entire ride home, and maybe he had. he’s pressing the palms of his hands flat against his eyes in an attempt to cover up whatever emotion threatened to expose him, “fuck him dude.”

“fuck him is right,” you chuckled dryly, flopping back against the leather back of the seat.

in the silence you waited. you must have been sitting together in the orange glow of the lights for thirty more minutes, the time passing slow. you watched him pull himself together, breathing even in an attempt to build up the nerve to talk once again.

finally he’d looked at you with those eyes you fell in love with. the hazel brightness that was a gate to who he truly was. a soft man with a traumatic story that wasn’t his fault. he fought hard for everything he had and he’d built a good life for himself. he was a different, better, man than he’d been the day he paid for your coffee without question. he was unsure of himself and self-conscious to the point he didn’t know what his purpose was. he’d bounced around from girl to girl, drank away his sadness...but you. you. you must have been his saint. his angel placed in his path for a reason. he couldn’t have felt shittier when he looked over at your wet cheeks and hair falling out of it’s elegant up-do.

you’d flinched at the feeling of his fingers trailing over the splotchy fingerprints on your wrist. this time, you welcomed the touch, staring at his hand tracing the damaged he’d caused. you tried not to bunch your dress up in your other hand.

“i hurt you.”

you nod slightly, not having the energy to respond with anything else.

“i embarassed you.”

another nod.

“i won’t do it again,” he whispered, fully ashamed of himself, “and i’ll...i’m gonna talk to Jeff on Monday. apologize for running off. i’ve never been that person and i acted before i could think straight. you were right. i earned this night and i shouldn’t have let him get to me so quickly. seeing him shouldn’t break me down. it was cowardice and i made an ass of us both and i’m sorry. i’ll try my best to make it right.”

smiling gently, you find yourself leaning over the console to kiss him on the apple of his cheek. his warmth shot sparks through your chest and stomach, something youre sure you’ll never get used to.

“we’ll figure this out together. that’s what we do. side by side. we figure shit out when it seems hopeless and when we look like idiots. it’s called being a team you dummy. thank you for apologizing. but...you know what i’d love?”

the light tone of your voice had him smiling in no time, his head rolling on his neck to look at you, head resting back against the seat.

“if i chilled the fuck out?” he teased with a grin.

“yes...but not what i was gonna say,” you continue smiling, raising his hand to kiss over his knuckles, “i was going to say...i’d love for us to go upstairs so i can get out of this ridiculously tight dress.”

inching towards you he nods, eyes latched on your lips. you feel his breath fan over your skin, goosebumps rising on your arms and legs. he’s moving slowly, enough that if your lips didn’t meet soon you’d get impatient.

“i’m sure we can make that happen,” he mumbles, so low you almost don’t hear him.

you know from this point on, you can trust him on his word. you can’t think to hesitate when he tilts your chin up to connect your lips in a gentle kiss. the fire kindling in your stomach burns brighter when he nips at your bottom lip, asking for permission. you part your lips eagerly, deepening the kiss.

the growth you’ve seen just from this conversation had you hoping for a future where he trusts you completely and didn’t shy away when his own mind punished him into make rash decisions. he’d owned up to his mistake and meant everything he’d said. it would be the last time alec got the best of him. it would be the last time he’d run away from a battle he knew he had the strength to conquer, especially with you at his side.

you’d deal with the consequences of his actions tomorrow, but for now the two of you lived in your own world - far away from alec, the banquet, and any other outside force that threatened to tear you apart. he’d placed his trust in you, and you’d do anything in your power to protect it.

#asks #e!concepts #ethan!concepts #cozyethan #i hope you like it!#it’s long af soooo

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thosch3i · 5 years ago

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Xiao Yuliang Interview [Eng Trans]

[Photo: XYL’s dog]

so remember this post? yeah well i wound up doing a mostly full translation of the entire 6 minute interview on twitter. some parts are paraphrased and a few details were skipped bc he sometimes repeated himself and there were one or two details i wasn’t 100% sure of, but other than that an eng transcript of the full interview is below the cut:

1. Introduce your role in "Ultimate Note"?

XYL: In Ultimate Note I play Zhang Qiling, Xiaoge.

2. What kind of impression does this character leave in your heart?

XYL: Before, I thought he was a really strong, and then a very cool, and then a very cold/detached person. But later, I finished reading the novel and read the script, and I felt like he's someone who lets your heart ache for him. The feeling he gives me--because once I was reading the script in a car, and I almost wanted to cry for him, because he's always searching for the things he's lost. And he's very strong, but he wasn't born strong; he also went through a lot, and he made himself strong. He can bleed, and he can get hurt; it's just that he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't show that he's in pain.

3. Talk about the initial pressure of receiving this role?

XYL: When I got this role, the pressure was really really big, but I also thought I was pretty lucky, because I'd played Zhang Qiling before, and I get to play him again, and I think that's pretty lucky. But the pressure is too big, on set right now, the pressure is very big.

4. Netizens were pretty satisfied with your performance; have you seen these comments?

XYL: When Sha Hai was airing, I saw their comments. Some of them approved, and I was happy, but others--like, saying some suggestions or opinions--I also looked at them. I also looked at the performances of other actors who played Zhang Qiling and comments on their performances. I used them as a reference, and I learned from the experiences/evaluations of others.

5. What was the greatest challenge of playing Zhang Qiling?

XYL: The biggest challenge is that there are too few lines. It's really hard to act! [Xiaoge] has some expressions where it's just, you can't make them too obvious or too "unrestrained" because his actions are also very restrained, but if you're too restrained then everyone just thinks you don't have any reactions. And the editors are also very hardworking, because they'll have 4 pages, and I won't have a single line, just reactions. The others will talk for 10 minutes, and I'll just be reacting. [Xiaoge] is a person with few/no words, but with his whole heart, he wants to go care for others...it's very difficult; this "no lines" is very difficult. Another thing is fight scenes are very difficult, and the weather is too hot.

6. What are some scenes that left the deepest impression on you?

XYL: Like when it's 3am, and we're running through a wild river, the water is all up to our waists, and we don't know what's underground. I was just afraid there were snakes, you know? Nothing we can do, just run. And there's also, because the filming location is at Xishuangbanna, there really are snakes. We've seen snakes etc on set, so we were afraid accidents would happen. Thankfully they didn't. And there was also when we were rubbing mud on our faces during the hot day. Actually, what we were rubbing was chocolate paste. When the chocolate on our faces dried, we spread on more, and it feels like you've become a "chocolate person", not a "mud person". I also tasted it--the BTS side clips recorded it; the taste is okay. [t/n: here is a link to that clip]

7. How did it feel working with the other actors in the crew?

XYL: Liu Yuning-laoshi [t/n: Hei Xiazi] is really nice. He doesn't have a temper, and he's a very calm and tranquil person. I think he's really nice. Xiao Xi [t/n: lit. “Little Xi”, nickname for Zeng Shunxi aka Wu Xie] is a little mischievous. Xiao Xi likes to stir up trouble on set and play around. In any case he plays around with Pangzi and me, but Liu Yuning-laoshi is more tranquil, not quite the same as [his character] in the show.

8. Before you posted a vlog caring for your pet on Weibo, why don't you introduce your pet?

XYL: My dog's name is a character I played once; my mom named him. Because we'd just finished filming that show, and then my mom got a dog, so she just called him my name in the show. Tell me, isn't that annoying? [t/n: drama was called 反骗天下/Fan Pian Tian Xia and his role was called 米若/Mi Ruo; his dog is apparently called 米诺/Mi Nuo.]

9. You've been an actor for awhile now; can you discuss what being an actor feels like?

XYL: Initially, before I became an actor, I thought, "Oh, cool". Everyday you're just, wow, holding weapons, cool! But now I think it's so hard. Especially while shooting this show, I got a sty for a month, and it's still not better even now. [t/n: you can definitely see the swelling under his eye in ep1] I think this sty is from accepting this role, or because of work. In any case, it's still not better. But it's no problem; thankfully, my hair can cover it. You also have to be careful of safety on set; real blades can slice open your hands. Once, I wasn't careful and cut my wrist, but thankfully the doctor's stitching skills were pretty good. When he was still stitching, I even said, "Doctor, you have to stitch it well, okay, I'm an actor, I use this hand to perform", and he said "Okay". After the stitches were done, he asked me, "Are you satisfied with the stitches?" The results were pretty good; it didn't really leave a scar.

10. Finally, promote this show to our fans.

XYL: You all have to watch our "Ultimate Note", because filming was really tough, and we've diligently tried to accomplish these three roles [t/n: the iron triangle, I’m assuming] and later on some of the the details of many of the books. I hope you will see similarities to the novel in some of the show's scenes.

and we are done! so yeah, i think his take on xiaoge’s character was the most important part, but some of the other stuff (listening to him complain about some things lmao) was kinda funny too. im still laughing about the whole ‘im an actor i need this hand to perform’ bit bc dude you literally sliced yourself open w a knife badly enough to need stitches but that’s your first priority???? glad you’re dedicated to your job though i guess but LOL

Quick question/answer:

1. What do you want to say to Zhang Qiling?

XYL: Xiaoge, you've worked hard.

2. Who from the show would you pick to go with you on an adventure?

XYL: I’ll choose...I'll choose Pangzi, because he'll definitely bring food. And he's fat, and he's pretty joyful, oh right, I can also bully him.

3. Describe the level of your cooking skills.

XYL: Cooking skills? The rank of instant noodles. Just boiling instant noodles, then adding the flavor packets, and then tomatoes, eggs...instant noodles.

4. If you're not restricted, what kind of role do you most want to play?

XYL: If I'm not restricted, then I want to play that guy who, in the morning, is just delivering takeout or is really well-behaved and wears glasses, that type, and then at night he pushes his hair back like this [xyl mimes pushing his hair back], and he starts to....different types...in any case, like split personalities, right, split personalities.

5. A sentence to describe your ideal life.

XYL: My family and I are healthy, and I have enough money to go live a normal life, eat/drink whatever I want, travel with my family, and just grow up slowly.

oh right additional note, in zsx's interview, when asked which character he'd take, he said xiaoge without hesitation. and the interviewer asked if he wanted to know who xiaoge picked and zsx was all "he didn't pick me did he...I'll be leaving now, thank you~" 😂

#dmbj #zjbj #ultimate note #xiao yuliang #zhang qiling #shouting into the void #i made an effort to capitalize and make some grammar corrections in english this time lol #its not perfect but like you get the point #i also think it's cute that he calls zsx xiao xi lol #on the other hand seems like zsx just calls him yuliang #translation

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takes-a-lawyer-to-know-a-liar · 5 years ago

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@mythicalheartbeat I got a Little carried away lmao (sorry for taking so long)

@kaykayblogs

“Because I’m still in love with you!” Dukexiety

Confessions at 3AM

AO3 link

Words: 2783

Pairing: Dukexiety

Warnings: mentions of sex and gore, but nothing explicit, just Remus being Remus

Remus turned over on the bed for the fifteenth time in then minutes. No matter how much he tried to rest, he couldn’t relax if his life depended on it. He’d tried everything: he’d tried to rest with or without clothes, he’d changed pajamas five times, he’d conjured eight different sheets for his bed, he’d tried sleeping on the floor, on a chair, upside down. Nothing worked. He sighed, frustrated. He knew physical comfort wasn’t the issue here. The problem was in his head. However, it wasn’t the usual intrusive thoughts that were keeping him awake tonight (those he had learned to accept a long time ago), but another completely different issue that he had thought he’d gotten over a long time ago.

With a growl, he finally gave up on trying to fall asleep and got up from the bed to stretch his tense body. He felt exhausted, but he knew he wouldn’t rest properly tonight. Oh well, it wasn’t like this was the first night he’d spend awake.

However, this time his restlessness was because of Virgil.

Moving over to sit on the dirty floor of his room, he wondered where it had all gone wrong. Was it when he and Virgil started whatever it was that they had, back when he still wore just black? Was it when Virgil left the dark sides? Was it when he introduced himself to Thomas and he inevitably came back to his old friend’s life? He didn’t know, but it didn’t really matter now.

Closing his eyes, his mind drifted off to that time where Virgil was still with Deceit and him. Back then, he thought everything was doing great! Their asshole emo was their leader, and the three of them did their jobs just fine. They were a little strange family having fun and keeping close to each other. When the tension between Remus and Virgil snapped, nothing really changed between the two of them except that they also occasionally fucked. Or so he thought.

As the time passed, Anxiety and the Duke started getting closer, slowly but surely. More tender touches, more soft looks, more relaxed little smiles that they shared privately. Remus hadn’t wanted to admit it then, but he was really starting to grow strong feelings for the emo. He kept those feelings in the back of his mind, letting them be overshadowed by his usual intrusive thoughts, subconsciously hoping they would disappear so that they could keep that friends and fuckbuddies thing they had intact.

Then Virgil met Thomas, and he started hanging out more with the others, Remus and him started to fight more and more (though not as much as Deceit and him, where it got to the point where they refused to be in the same room as the other) and then, one day, Virgil packed his things and left.

Without their leader, Deceit had to take charge, and they learned how to live without their friend.

Remus immediately craved his presence. He felt something missing in his heart that he knew could only be filled if Virgil came back. He knew Deceit felt the same, although he never admitted it out loud (that snake was horrible at expressing his emotions and kept trying to hide them, but it was expected really, considering he was literally Deceit).

It didn’t take much longer for Remus to realize his true feelings for his friend. “Heh,” Remus chuckled to himself “you really don’t truly appreciate what you have until you lose it, huh?”

It wasn’t funny.

The next time Remus saw Virgil after he left was a coincidence. It was the middle of the night, probably around 3AM, like it was now, and Remus was heading to the kitchen in the dark sides’ part of the Mindscape to get something to eat since he couldn’t sleep.

However, before he could reach his destination, he heard a noise behind him and when he turned around he saw him, stepping out of his old room, a bag hung on his shoulder and looking equally as startled to see him as Remus felt. He felt his throat dry and licked his lips before speaking.

“What are you doing here?” Virgil huffed, trying to look annoyed, but Remus knew he was just anxious.

“That’s none of your business, I was just leaving.” Keeping his eyes glued to the ground, he tried to walk past Remus towards the exit door, but his path was blocked “Move.” He frowned, still looking at his feet.

“Not until you tell me why you left.” He didn’t know why he’d said that. Virgil finally looked up to him, something that Remus couldn’t decipher flashing through his face, and he hoped the other hadn’t noticed the shakiness in his voice.

“I said move.” Virgil stepped forward, shoving past his old friend. He continued walking but a hand around his wrist stopped him.

Remus didn’t know what had made him do that, but he suddenly couldn’t think and found himself at a loss of words. He stuttered, surprised that Virgil hadn’t moved away yet, and wished he could see his face in that moment. He felt his stomach and chest heavy, like he had swallowed a bunch of rocks again. Say something, say something, say something, say something.

“I love you.” Well, he thought, couldn’t have chosen a worse moment to say it.

He felt Virgil tense even more, but neither of them moved or said anything else. Several moments passed, and Remus desperately wanted to see the expression the anxious side was making, but he didn’t try anything. It was like the both of them had stopped breathing.

Then, the spell broke, and Virgil snatched his arm away from Remus’ grip. Without looking back, he walked through the door and disappeared in the dark.

Remus remained frozen for a few moments before sighing and going back to his room. He wasn’t hungry anymore.

They didn’t see each other again until years later, when he first introduced himself to Thomas.

It was fine, he’d told himself, he had already gotten over his thing for Virgil a while ago, he didn’t have feelings for him anymore, he had moved on. Now that he had met Thomas properly he expected to see the emo more often and, with those romantic feelings toward him out of the way, maybe they could actually be friends again! So he started showing up more.

At first, everyone tensed up and tried to get him to leave when he popped up uninvited, but over time they started to just let him stay. And, once the dark sides’ and the light sides’ parts of the Mindscape became one (he could thank Deceit for that), they even started to relax around him sometimes! But that also meant that Virgil was starting to relax around him.

He got to see more of those smirks, those more rare little smiles, the way he snorted sometimes at something he said, when he rolled his eyes in fond exasperation, those few times when he actually got him to laugh (those moments exceptionally precious to him). He was starting to remember why he had been in love with the anxious side.

Remus got up from the floor and walked towards the door. Maybe a glass of water would help? Once out of his room, though, he didn’t get very far before he heard a noise coming from the kitchen and saw Virgil coming out of it. Well, shit, just what he needed right now. Looking at him again, he noticed that he was wearing his skeleton onesie (in which he always looked adorable) and that he remarkably relaxed at the sight of him. Since Remus had been more or less accepted by the others, he had noticed that Virgil always tended to be more at ease around him when they were alone. He still hadn’t figured out why, though he decided to not give it much attention.

“What are you doing here?” Hearing this, he couldn’t help but have a strong déjà vu feeling, and he didn’t like that one bit. However, he still grinned and adopted his usual posture with the little energy he still had.

“Just getting a glass of water, emo, what are YOU doing here? Are you doing something you shouldn’t do?”

“Just getting water as well.” Virgil mumbled as he got closer, eyeing him suspiciously, so close that Remus could touch him if he reached out to him. “What’s wrong with you?” What?

“What are you talking about, emo?” He laughed nervously, hoping that it didn’t sound that way, but by the way Virgil’s eyes narrowed, it did. However, he still tried to sound as cheerful as always. “You know what’s wrong with me: I’m the personification of intrusive thoughts!”

“No, you’re acting weird.” Remus opened his mouth to talk, but the anxious side interrupted him. “Weirder than normal.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He started to visibly tense, already hating where this was going.

“Oh, really? Because your behavior has been different lately and I can tell. I know you, Remus! Sometimes you go suddenly quiet for no reason, looking at me with a strange expression, you randomly tense up around me, you seem much paler and more exhausted than ever, you participate with your “contributions” less than before, I could keep going if you wanted!” His voice had started to raise a little, although he probably hadn’t realized.

Well, damnit! Remus hadn’t thought he was being that obvious! He instinctively took a single step backwards, his heart pounding inside his chest. He wished he could rip it off right at this moment and get rid of it: maybe then these feelings he was having would disappear. Meanwhile, seeing he wasn’t going to answer, Virgil decided to keep asking.

“I know something’s up, Remus. Tell me! Let me help you!”

“No.”

“What?”

“No! You can’t help me!”

“What? Why? What’s going on? Why are you acting so strange?”

“It’s because of you!”

“Because of me?” He suddenly looked much more insecure about this. “Did I do something wrong? Is it because of how I treated you in the past? If you want me to apologize again I will!”

“No, you don’t have to do that!”

“If I’m hurting you I want to know! Tell me what I’m doing wrong, please!”

“You’re not doing anything wrong! You’re doing everything right, and I’m the one who’s messed up!”

“What are you talking about!? Is it really something I did!?”

“No!”

“You said it was because of me! If I didn’t do anything, why are you acting so weird!?”

“BECAUSE I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!”

They froze, and everything around them went quiet. They stared at each other with equally wide eyes, not moving a muscle.

Remus… Remus hadn’t meant to say that. He hadn’t meant to blurt out those words, damnit! What was going to happen now? Was Virgil going to hate him? Was he going to feel disgusted? Was he going to laugh at him for still having feelings for him after all this time? Every possible worst case scenario played in Remus’ head in an instant. He had no idea what was going to happen, but he certainly just wanted something to happen! Was Virgil going to stare at him for the rest of the eternity? It was killing him.

The silence stretched out for a few more moments, the atmosphere so dense that Remus was convinced it could have been cut with a knife, when Virgil spoke again.

“…What?” His voice came out as a whisper, full of disbelief and uncertainty. He still kept unmoving, not even playing with the hem of his sleeves like he usually did or even blinking.

Shit, shit, shit. Now every bit of trust they’d manage to build again would be ruined. There was no way things would stay the same after this. Shit. He felt his breath shortening, barely registering it or anything else except Virgil in front of him.

Fidgeting from where he was standing, Remus turned his back to him and almost took a step forward. His insides were screaming at him to run away and to lock himself up in his room, but he fought those urges and took a deep breath. He had always been proud of his honesty and his gay-forward nature so, now that he had already said that to Virgil, running away would go against what he was. He might as well tell the whole, unfiltered truth now, right?

He quickly turned on his heels and faced Virgil again, who looked more startled than a few moments ago. He opened his mouth to speak, but Remus beat him to it.

“Yes, I’m still in love with you! I thought I had gotten over you a long time ago but obviously I was wrong!” He laughed before continuing talking. “But how could I not have been wrong? You’re just so hot and pretty and fun to be around with! Every time I look at you I feel like I want to rip out my stomach and eat it and my heart will rise up to my throat and I feel like I’m super horny except that sometimes I’m not actually horny!”

“Remus” He didn’t listen and continued blurting out words.

“Which is super weird but made me think that maybe I’m not only attracted to you physically? But then I remembered how you made me feel when we still were fuckbuddies and it’s actually super close but this time the not-only-physical-attraction part is even more intense!”

“Remus” He could barely hear Virgil.

“And now I know I’m even more hopelessly in love with you than I was before you left and that makes me go crazy because I know you’ll never feel the same but I just love your smile and your laugh and your sarcastic comments and also your rudeness and your anxiety because I love every part of you even if you’re not perfect (or because you’re not perfect) and I’m always thinking about how much I want to kiss you and touch you and fuck you and go on dates and cuddle with you!”

“Remus!”

“But it doesn’t really matter because I know you don’t want that! Because I’m gross and crazy and dirty and I wouldn’t change any of that for anything but I know you don’t like those things anymore and I can’t sleep at night because I can’t stop thinking and fantasizing and dreaming about you and-”

“REMUS!”

Remus finally stopped talking and looked at Virgil again, noticing for the first time that his face was a deep shade of red. Breathing heavily because of the long rant, he watched Virgil slowly take a few steps forward until they were almost touching.

Virgil didn’t say anything at first and neither did Remus, eyes glued to each other’s stares. The anxious side wore an intense look that seemed like he was searching for something. What was it, Remus had no idea.

Then, very slowly, Virgil raised his hands to cup Remus’ cheeks. The creative side stopped breathing for a moment, not really understanding what was happening yet.

“Remus” Virgil said with the softest voice he’d ever heard, glancing at his lips. “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

That broke Remus out of his stupor and, without any hesitation, he leaned in and pressed their lips together. Virgil left out a hum, eyes closed, and reciprocated with enthusiasm, quickly deepening the kiss and brushing his tongue against his. Remus put his arms around Virgil’s waist, pulling him closer, while one of his hands left his cheek to bury it in his hair. Remus smiled against the kiss and huffed out a laugh. It was clear not only he had wanted this for a while.

After making out a bit more they parted slightly to catch their breaths, just enough so that they could press their foreheads together and, when Remus looked at Virgil’s eyes, he saw bare love and fondness. The same love and fondness he was feeling in that moment. He laughed, happiness filling his chest like a balloon, and kissed his love’s temple, who also laughed in response.

“God, I love you so much!” Virgil brushed his cheek with his thumb, not hiding the amusement in his smile.

“I know, Remus.” He paused. “I love you too.”

Remus squeezed him tightly and smiled so widely he thought his face was going to split in two. Then, they let go and walked together to Virgil’s room. He had a feeling that, cuddled up to him, he wouldn’t have any more trouble to sleep from now on.

#dukexiety #remus sanders #virgil sanders #ts remus #ts virgil #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides #thomas sanders #romantic dukexiety #sympathetic remus #sympathetic virgil #ts fanfic #ts fanfiction #ts fic #viana writes #my posts

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shianhygge-imagines · 5 years ago

Text

Silver Rose [Vergil/Reader] [V/Reader]{Devil May Cry} Splitting Fool

AN: This chapter is another long one. The point of view shifts quite a bit in this chapter. Each time there’s a break and a time stamp, I’ve shifted the POV. The purpose for this is to allow me to convey all the details in the scene that should be addressed.

|Masterlist Link| |First Chapter| |Prev. Ch.| --- |Next Ch.|

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May 3rd, 11:40pm

Try as you might, you weren’t able to hide your red rimmed eyes when Dante called you downstairs for the second time that night. Something akin to sympathy settled in your brother-in-law’s eyes as he addressed you, “Y/N, V doesn’t have a place to stay. Is it alright for him to take the guest bedroom?”

You paused on the small bottom stair landing, staring down Dante before shifting your gaze to your new client.

V, the mysterious client, wouldn’t directly meet your gaze at first, head bowed and posture hunched over the walking cane that supported his weight. There seemed to be an air of guilt that surrounded the younger man beyond that of chastisement from Dante’s earlier ‘talk’. But what could he be feeling guilty about? You wondered, observing V as he slowly raised his head, dark green eyes meeting your own. “It’s really not necessary,” V reassured with a half hearted smirk, “I really must be on my way.”

The posture… the manner in which he held himself… it was one you saw many times before. Slouched… raven locks limp and unwashed… slight shadows under the eyes… He’s fatigued… Tired… when was the last time he allowed himself to rest? It brought back memories… some happy, some painful. Like Dante… Like Nero… Like Vergil… Like me…

“At least stay the night, V.” You suggested impulsively, stepping down the last few steps to stand in front of the younger man. “You look like you need the rest.” Like you need a safe place to rest your head. Like you need someone to help you shoulder your burdens.

“I don’t believe that I should overstay my welcome. I should-”

“I insist.” You interrupt, a gentle smile on your lips.

V hesitates as he stares into your eyes, which peer up at him empathetically. He knows that he should leave this place. That he needed to go get Nero. But when have I been able to say no when she looks at me with those eyes? Dark green eyes shut as a heavy sigh escapes his lips. The man knew exactly when he was able to deny her. He knew that he’d done it many times before. “…Then I thank you for your hospitality.”

As your smile brightens, chiming that you would go prepare the guest bedroom, V finds himself staring after you, wondering… lamenting why it was that he had ever been able to bring himself to cause you pain.

My Spectre around me night and day,

Like a wild beast guards my way;

My Emanation far within

Weeps incessantly for my sin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1am

He could sense your restlessness from down the hallway, and he knew that it was because of the sudden reminder of a painful past. He could hear the quiet whimpers coming from you as you suffered in silence and in the dark, not wanting to bother anyone with problems that you believed should have been resolved with time. Your voice, your suffering called to him, and though he knew that he was what plagued you, he found himself following your voice until he stood outside your door, listening to you cry.

Slipping through the door, he found himself in a position that seemed very familiar. The rain pattered upon the window pane as he stood in the middle of your dark room, watching you sleep, haunted by nightmares of him.

“No… don’t…. Please…. Vergil.” You begged for a phantom to stay within your nightmare, tossing your head back and forth in denial with your arms outstretched to catch someone that had abandoned you so many years ago.

He found himself growing angry at the phantom within your nightmares, gritting teeth and pacing to and fro the length of your room. All around were reminders of the phantom, but he could make out how you’d displayed his gifts to you from years ago. The Silver Rose rested on your bedside table, and he could see that the sapphire necklace that he’d given you rested on a vanity display. He allowed a pleased hum to escape his lips before making a discussion, wanting to comfort you the best he could.

Unlike when he’d been Nelo Angelo, he decided not to stand and watch, and joined you in bed, making sure you were comfortable before settling in. He brought his head close towards your own before allowing his own eyes to close in sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3am

V slept restlessly from his place in the guest room down the hall. The bed and pillows were comfortable and clean, a luxury that he hadn’t been able to experience in a very long time, but he still found himself troubled. Every time V would close his eyes, anxiety and urgency seemed to wage a war on his mind. The mortal man knew that he didn’t have the time to be resting. That he should have gone back to Red Grave City to keep an eye on Urizen’s progress, but when you’d offered V a place to stay despite how he’d callously brought back past memories, he couldn’t help himself.

It was something that V had to constantly remind himself about now that he was around you. That while V the mortal man had the memories and emotions of Vergil, he was not the older Sparda twin. And yet, the guilt remained, a constant nagging pull to make amends. The fragmented man would close his eyes, begging for a dreamless rest, and wake an hour later from nightmarish memories.

A family home in flames.

Fleeing from the enemies of Sparda.

Watching in horror as his best friend was stabbed by a pair of absurdly large scissors

Helpless as he watch the woman he loved most be hurt by the venom that spewed from his own mouth.

“What am I to you that you could just toss me aside?”

V tried to halt his tongue, knowing what would spill from his traitorous lips.

“A burden.” He closed his eyes as your tears fell, not wanting to see the heartbroken expression on your face. But even when he closed his eyes, he couldn’t escape what he knew would come next.

V could see your face, still shedding tears, morph with the darkness, until you were hunched over, blood dripping from your lips… the Yamato buried to the hilt in your abdomen. The horror that appeared on your face mirrored V’s as he scrambled to support your body, only to once more be unable to move. And then, all at once, it was like he was detached from his body, watching as Vergil violently yanked the Yamato free of your abdomen… his wife’s abdomen before leaving her bleeding out on the apex of Temen Ni Gru.

A tortured sob left V’s mouth as he forced himself to wake from the nightmare… from the memories. Shaking… Shivering… On the verge of tears, V sat up from the guest bed and extended his hand towards the nightstand where he’d left his volume of William Blake poems. Tracing the golden etchings on the cover, the mysterious young man closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe deeply, counting the seconds that passed with each breath. Once satisfied with the stability of his breathing and the calm rhythm of his heart, V shifted to turn on the small lamp beside the bed, bringing just the slightest of illumination to the previously dark room. Flipping to a random page in the book, V read the first line aloud.

“Wept for me, for thee, for all,

When he was an infant small.

Thou his image ever see.

Heavenly face that smiles on thee,”

He chuckled at the coincidental poem before closing the book, throwing his legs over the side of the bed to stand. How strange… V thought, his eyes scanning the guest bedroom for his feline companion. Shadow usually would have appeared by now. Glancing down at the ink that decorated his body, the man hummed in surprise when he found that his tattoos for Shadow were missing. Dark green eyes darted over to the bedroom door in confusion, “Where did you head off to now?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:10am

You awoke to the pleasant sound of a deep rumble under your head. It was soothing and seemed to intensify when you burrowed further into your pillow. A purr… Blinking your tired eyes open, you first noticed that your pillow was a different color than it had been before you fell asleep. Instantly alert, you raised your head to stare at what you were snuggling up with. The lights from the street signs outside illuminate your room enough to see that it was indeed a large panther that you had cuddled up to. That’s a… big cat. You observed sleepily, sitting up cautiously so as not to disturb the slumbering feline.

Your efforts to be sneaky are futile when you notice the two glowing red eyes staring up at you. The cat stares up at you for a few moments as you freeze in place before its tail twitches and it rises to sit on its hind legs, its size easily allowing it to match your sitting height. Eyes wide, you want to scream in alarm at having such a strange predator in your bed, but can only gulp nervously as it leans forward, maw dropping open. You close your eyes, hoping that you won’t be mawled by the panther. Out of everything I’ve faced in my life, don’t tell me the thing that gets to kill me is an overgrown cat…

Something rough and wet licks your face before something warm and fuzzy nuzzles into the space under your chin. You open your eyes when the cat starts to purr in contentment as it nuzzles its head into you. Shocked, you hesitantly raise a hand to pet the panther, and its purring grows in volume. “This is so weird.” You mutter, befuddled, but enjoying the affection from the panther.

A knock at the door, interrupts the peaceful moment, and while you don’t stop petting the large cat, you open your mouth to answer the knock. “Come in.”

The door cracks open slowly, and it is V that steps through the door, posture slightly straighter, but even in the dark, you could tell that he hadn’t rested peacefully. His gaze is cast to the ground as he enters your room, closing the door behind him. “Pardon my intrusion, Y/N. I was looking for one of my companions.” His gaze raises to look in your direction, but not at you. “Shadow… it’s not nice to sneak into a woman’s bed.”

The cat, Shadow, pauses in its activities, its back suddenly ramrod straight as it stares at V, judging and silent as it flickers its tail. It doesn’t seem interested in leaving your side despite V’s chastisement.

V’s lips thin in disapproval, “My apologies for disturbing your rest, Y/N. We should be departing now.” The younger man turns to leave the room, one hand raised to open the door, but pauses when Shadow growls at him. Turning to look back at his companion, your mysterious client levels a stern glare at Shadow, “Let’s go, Shadow. We should leave her alone.”

“I don’t mind.” You voiced your opinion, voice hoarse from sleep. And in all honesty, you didn’t mind the affection that the large feline had shown you. It was a nice comfort, and you wondered why you had never thought to get a pet before.

When you voiced your thought, Shadow immediately rose to position itself curled around you, its red eyes somehow smug as it stared at V, as if saying, “See? She doesn’t want me to leave.”

“Don’t be childish, Shadow. You know that we have work to do.” V argued with the cat after shooting an apologetic expression your way. “We need to go.” Huffing in exasperation, the feline’s form seemed to melt away, and V immediately tensed up, “Shadow. Stop it.”

The command did little to stop the demon (at this point, you were sure that Shadow was a demon...) from shift into a very familiar form, causing your eyes to widen in pain and confusion. Now armored, Shadow threw its arms to embrace you, pulling you into its body possessively. Nelo Angelo… You remembered the name that Dante had given you for the armored visitor… “Vergil…” You muttered in confusion before turning your head to look at V, who looked more tired than ever, “V… what is going on? Why did your companion turn into Nelo Angelo?”

“I… cannot explain now.” V gasps, backing towards the bedroom door. “There is no time to-”

“Bullshit.” You scowl, moving out of Shadow’s arms to stalk swiftly towards V, extending your arms past his body to pin him against the door. “First you appear with a job, telling Dante that Urizen was his reason for fighting. You cite quotes from William Blake’s anthology as if it’s your favorite thing in the entire literary world. You called me the ‘fabled Y/N,’ as if I were as well known as Dante, Trish, or Lady. Which is bullshit because I know for a fact that people don’t know shit about what I do or who I am. Then, the entire time you’re here, I keep getting weird looks and a strange feeling in my gut. And now… now your companion has taken a form that is eerily reminiscent of my late husband.” Peering up at him, you practically growl out your demand. “Explain. Now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:20am

With bated breath, V stares down at your fierce expression as you pin him against the wall. He knows that if he wanted to, he could physically force you to back down. But as soon as the though appears in his mind, he immediately dismisses the idea. No… he’d hurt you enough already, and he refuses to hurt you again. Besides, V is quite sure that if he tried to hurt you, he’d get mawled by Shadow. Dry swallowing, V could only bring himself to do one thing…

“Your husband didn’t die, Y/N.” He watches as the fire in your eyes temper before steeling himself to continue. “He was weakened considerably, but he managed to escape Mundus’ control.” When V noticed that you had begun to calm down, he continued to explain, “But suffering such defeat at the hands of Dante and being enslaved by Mundus, Vergil resolve for power only increased.” Dark green eyes peered down at you in the dark, “He took back the Yamato from Nero.” He could see your jaw clench in outrage on behalf of Nero, but continued to speak regardless. “And with the Yamato, he severed everything that he considered a weakness… memories… nightmares… until what remained was he demon half.”

“And what became of each part of him after?” You whispered, arms falling from his sides, “How do you know all this?”

V sighed and closed his eyes before opening them again. “I suspect that Dante already realized it. And I think that deep down… you know it, too.”

“Urizen…” You uttered the name, but a part of you didn’t want to believe it, “What remained became Urizen, and the parts of him that he cut away…” your eyes shifted from V to Shadow, “Became you two.”

V offered a hesitant smile before shaking his head, “Close. I merely stumbled upon the parts that he’d severed, and forged a contract with them to keep them alive.” He gestured to tattoos all over his body, “These are your husband’s memories. I was just a convenient vessel.”

“And your interest in William Blake?”

The man smirked, gaze almost pitying. “Just a coincidence, I’m afraid.”

Tired and overwhelmed, V could see the gears shifting in your head. A frown appeared on your face before you frowned and shook your head, “Fine. I’ll believe what you’re saying for now. But if you’re lying…” Your eyes narrowed as the threat left your lips, and V couldn’t help the smirk that appeared when you turned away to shower Shadow with affection now that he’d turned back into a panther.

You always were too smart for such lies. V mused, already regretting the lies that spilled from his lips. Hopefully, you won’t piece the truth together before we confront my other half.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” V turned to leave the room without another word, trusting Shadow to behave himself despite the glare that the panther sent his way.

Pausing, you nodded towards the younger man, “Goodnight, V.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed my work, please consider buying me a Ko-fi!

#shianhygge #shian imagines #vergil x reader #v x reader #dmc v x reader #Vergil Sparda #Vergil #v #dmc v #v dmc #v dmc5 #Dante Sparda #devil may cry #devil may cry imagines #devil may cry 5 #dmc #dmc5

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harryandmolly · 6 years ago

Text

Complicit // 4

summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.

warnings: language, NSFW (good & rough, babies), my self control has truly gone up in smoke

WC: 6.8k

-----------

Shawn shifts, his eyelids tightening against the morning sun even through the drawn gauzy curtains. He’s aware now, but barely. He’d rather not be. The sleep he gets after a night with her is maybe even more addictive than the date itself. He’s sure it’s because she wears him out so thoroughly.

He’s lying on his stomach, his cheek turned, pressed into the silk sheets provided by the little Malibu beachside inn the agency booked for them. If he keeps his eyes shut he can concentrate on the sound of waves lapping at the shore of Point Dume.

He grumbles. He can’t hear them. He can hear her shuffling around instead. He slowly opens his cloudy dark eyes to assess, lifting his head to find her.

Penny has a pretty strict policy about mornings after dates. Sticking around sets a dangerous precedent. The morning after, it’s all messy hair and morning breath and sleepy eyes and sore, tired muscles -- vulnerability at its most beautiful and most human. It’s not professional, so it’s not safe. That time, that kind of exposure, is to be minimized.

Penny’s already in leggings and a sports bra, typing on her phone with one hand and holding an Outdoor Voices hoodie in the other. She hears him and looks over with a sleepy smile.

“Hi there,” she whispers. Her voice is smooth. It makes his eyes flutter as he thinks about how her skin felt last night.

He just smiles in response.

Her lips curl in a wry grin. “That’s a very happy face you’re making.”

He wonders if he’s really beyond embarrassment with her now. He stretches like a cat and feels his body resist, then give in. He groans deeply, heavily. It’s music to her ears.

“That’s cause you’re a fucking miracle worker.”

When he says shit like this, Penny wants to crawl back on top of him and make him come a few more times. But she knows he’s tired. He worked hard for her. She perches beside him, ankles crossed delicately, and runs a hand down his naked back, admiring.

“You make it easy, baby,” she assures him. Her smile is placid. It turns a little devilish when she cups his ass cheek through the sheet and gives it a squeeze. Shawn squirms gently and smiles.

“I have to go. Gus will be by in half an hour to pick you up and bring you back to your car.”

Beneath her hand, Shawn rolls over. His cheeks have pillow marks and sport a hearty morning flush. His curls are wild from her fingers and his own. She swallows and leaves her hand where it’s fallen, brushing his lower ribs.

He closes his eyes. “I’m leaving for the festival run.”

She nods and keeps her eyes on his chest hair, waiting for him to give the little break up speech she’s used to.

It’s not really a break up, of course. It’s more like an awkward firing. A “hey… you’ve been great but your services are no longer required, thanks!” It’s ok. It means she’s done some good. She can see in every move of his soft, sore muscles that she’s eased most of his tension away. He’ll go into a long, hot, busy summer fresh and rejuvenated because of her. She can live with that.

“I…” He gets flustered and rakes a hand through his hair, cupping his other hand around her wrist, “I don’t know how to ask… I mean, I don’t even know if you’d be interested and it’s kind of--”

“Shawn, what do you need?”

It’s simple, she wants to remind him, I’ll give you everything you need.

Shawn’s eyes shut again. He gently, absently massages the tendons in her wrist. “I… was wondering if I could fly you out to Vegas to be there the weekend of my first festival. I think having you there would really help. But I don’t know if you’re busy or if it’s too soon, y’know, I know I haven’t been seeing you very long and I don’t want to be that guy or--”

She quiets his yammering by dragging her hand up to curl around the back of his neck, drawing his eyes to hers.

“That could be arranged,” she murmurs. It makes his toes curl. The tips of his ears go as pink as his cheeks. He grins.

“Yeah?”

She nods smugly. He still needs her. There’s no better feeling. “Call Colette with the details. She can arrange my travel and my room. I have to go home and feed Pammy.”

She stands, looking down at him fondly. Her body tenses and she leans her weight into front foot like she’s going to crouch to kiss him. Instead she swallows, reaches for her suitcase handle and waves with a couple free fingers before she steps out into the humid Malibu morning.

Penny doesn’t relish flying commercial, but she doesn’t have much of an excuse to charter a flight just to get to Vegas from LA, especially if she won’t be joined on the flight by a client.

So, first class then.

Colette has her on the United 6 PM into McCarran. She’s getting in just as the city is warming up, coming alive for the night. Flying into Vegas at sunset is especially romantic to Penny. She has visions of Frank at the Sands, of cocktails at the Carnival Lounge, of cruising past the famous ‘Welcome to Las Vegas’ sign in a topless red Thunderbird. Penny always has had a fondness for vintage, and especially to Vegas, with its close links to the Rat Pack.

Shawn has already reimbursed the agency for her weekend expenses including travel and accommodation, plus her hefty three-day weekend price tag, so Gus is not along for the ride. Instead, a driver will meet her at the airport to shepherd her over to the Bellagio, her preferred Vegas lodging. Her suite is on the floor above Shawn’s.

Penny is used to the glamour. This is not the first time she’s been flown out to meet a client in an exciting city. It’s not even the first time she’s been flown to Vegas to fuck for a weekend in the Bellagio.

But this… she’s excited about.

Shawn must have called Colette as soon as she got in her car because she got the confirmation of the booking when she was crawling back to Studio City on the 101. Two days, three nights, $12,000. He’s playing the inaugural iHeart Summer festival, headlining the first of three nights with names like Cardi B, Miley Cyrus, Dua Lipa, Sam Smith and, of course, Bex.

Not that Penny minds. She’s not attending the festival. His team doesn’t know about her and he intends to keep it that way. She’s not there to be his arm candy, she’s there to take the pressure off behind closed doors. She doesn’t mind behind the dirty little secret. She’s good at it.

The fountain at the Bellagio is surrounded by tourists when she arrives in her hired Tesla. She watches the spray of the impressive water display shimmer in the nighttime lights of the Vegas strip until her driver politely calls for her attention. Her luggage, absolutely excessive for a three day trip, is loaded onto a cart. She reaches for her phone as she’s guided past check-in and up to her fountain view king suite.

Silver Fox: Arrived safely? Xx

Petey Pie: hiiiiii pls slay in vegas you absolute queen, miss you 🖤

She shoots off a quick series of hearts and mushy love words to each before switching to her work phone to dial the agency, impatiently tapping the toe of her pointy black patent leather Brian Atwood stilettos on the hardwood floor.

“Hiya, Pen,” Colette greets, much more casually and without the put-upon accent she sports for client calls, “Everything good there?”

“Just got in. Great room. Can you let him know I’m here?” Penny asks breezily.

“He just called, actually. He says he’s sorry but he can’t see you tonight. He said he has to do “a Bex thing” and that you’d know what that meant.”

Penny looks up from her shoes. Her vision is blurred, unfocused as she looks past the lights of the strip. After a beat too long, she answers.

“Sure, no problem. Thank you, Colette.”

She hangs up and tosses the gold cased phone to the bed. Her slender hands fall to her hips. She continues staring, willing her brain to quiet as her hands begin to wander -- one up to tease her collarbones where they lay bare beneath her oversized men’s dress shirt, the other slipping between her thighs, pressing against the rough denim of her J Brand jeans. She sighs, tilts her head and closes her eyes.

Slowly, she strips out of her clothes, including the pale peach satin lingerie set underneath, leaving them lying on the floor in front of the window. She collapses into the luxurious bedspread, lips mashing together as she sets to work, fingers trembling when she muffles her desperate moans of release into the ornate cushion by her head.

After a few minutes enjoying the afterglow, she bundles up in a fluffy white hotel robe and calls for room service.

Shawn stares at the ceiling, twiddling his St. Christopher medal between his fingers as he thinks.

He doubts her room is, like, directly above his. He doubts the footsteps he hears padding around above him are hers. He’d kind of like to imagine they are, though. He wonders what she’s doing.

He’s been wondering since he stood outside her hotel room door last night after 3am, wanting her so bad he couldn’t fucking breathe. He stopped himself from knocking, though. Thank god.

He arrived in Vegas a few hours before Penny did. Upon checking in, Andrew announced that Bex’s flight was moved up to facilitate a staged night out before festival rehearsals. It made sense. Shawn had already mentally accounted for having to spend public time with her on this trip, given they were playing the same festival lineup. He just didn’t know he’d basically be stepping off the plane into a paparazzi circus to hold the hand of a girl whose middle name he doesn’t know, only to be seen slinking away with her back to their hotel.

His stomach rolled at the idea until Penny’s words in her somehow comfortingly stern voice play in his head: this relationship stunt doesn’t define you as a man or as an artist.

He still feels bad, though. He expected to spend the night with Penny. He flew her out here to be with him and now he has to toss her aside for work. It doesn’t seem fair.

He runs a hand through his curls and grunts. Maybe she’s relieved. Maybe it feels like a paid night off in Vegas. Maybe she hasn’t thought about him at all.

He hopes he’s wrong.

Penny takes a bubble bath the next morning with too many bubbles and a mimosa after a grueling start at the gym -- 3 miles on the treadmill and 45 minutes of free weights. It felt incredible, almost as incredible as the gardenia-scented bath and the fresh citrus blend of juice that had her lighter than air as the rest of the city began to stir.

She doesn’t expect to hear from Shawn until this evening, at least. It’s his first day of rehearsals at the MGM Grand and he has promo and photoshoots -- all this according to Colette, to whom he gave his schedule when he made the booking.

So Penny takes herself shopping.

Brunch at Bellagio Patisserie is followed by a short walk over to the Grand Canal Shoppes at the Venetian. It’s one of her favorite spots, not despite its kitschiness, but because of it -- the false blue sky overhead and the overflowing flower boxes beneath lit windows in a long neighborhood of Italian storefronts, the men in striped shirts and flat hats singing Italian folk songs as they steer gondolas full of tourists down the indoor river.

It’s all a little too much, just like Vegas is supposed to be. She adores it.

She has an arm full of bags by early afternoon -- Fendi, Barney’s, Louis Vuitton, and those are just for her. She snagged a cute new pair of Vilebrequin swim trunks for Peter and a pair of sky blue Ferragamo slides for Silver. She plans on having a quick salad for lunch before spending the rest of the day at the Cypress pool.

She’s striding through the airy, unusually quiet lobby of the Bellagio trailed by a bellhop toting her bags when she stops short.

In the window of Cartier, something sparkles. Well, not just one thing, but one thing in particular catches her eye. It’s a ring from the Étincelle de Cartier collection, a looped, overlapping band of rose gold, studded with diamonds. She’s seen the design before, has admired it online, in magazines, even on the fingers of other women. But it’s never called to her like this before. She narrows her eyes, tilts her head and glances down at her naked, plum-painted fingers.

She decides they look lonely. With a nod to her wide-eyed and very attentive bellhop, she steps inside.

25 minutes later, humming “I Love Vegas” by Dean Martin, a few thousand dollars poorer, Penny comes strutting out of Cartier with the little red ring box stuffed in her purse and its contents catching the afternoon light on the middle finger of her left hand.

Shawn clears his throat again. His eyes are angled down at the toes of his boots as they scuff the stage. He drums his fingers, clasped together around the mic, bobbing his head.

He looks up. Cez and Andrew stand a few yards away in the midst of crowds of roadies setting up the Grand Garden Arena for the festival. They’re talking and nodding and Shawn is trying not to imagine that they’re discussing how fucking edgy and nervous he’s been all morning.

He thinks bitterly he’d be a lot better if he’d gotten to see Penny last night. He closes his eyes and lets himself imagine it -- slipping her out of a shimmery gold dress, tangling his fingers in her hair while her lips course over his chest, lying beneath her as she rides him hard into an expensive mattress while the fountain show is visible through the window.

God, he fucking craves it. He wants to beg for her, to get on his knees for her, to follow her instructions so exactly that she can’t help but smile, call him “baby” in that sweet, breathless voice and, finally, when she’s ready, when he knows he’s earned it, make him come so spectacularly that he can’t remember his own fucking name, much less all that comes attached to it.

He’s going insane without it. That’s what this is, he’s sure. It’s not Bex or the other names on the bill or his name in the biggest lettering he’s ever seen outside the goddamned MGM Grand or the millions of people that will be watching on the TV broadcast. It’s withdrawal. It’s been six days since Malibu, he’s jonesing. That’s all.

He grunts gently and tilts his head forward, gliding into a vocal run as the band plays through LIJ. He needs what Penny and Penny alone can give him to get through his first headlining festival. No matter what, he’s seeing her tonight. No one will fight him. He’s been rehearsing all day and his show is tomorrow. He’ll eat with the team and turn in early, solemn and responsible.

And he’ll go straight to her room and let her fuck him stupid.

Andrew looks up at him. Shawn’s head lifts.

“Sounding great, dude. How do you feel?”

Shawn doesn’t hesitate. “We’re going to run through it again.”

She’s topless, facedown on a chaise lounge by the exclusive Cypress pool running through agency numbers on her laptop. It’s almost time to turn over again and reapply sunscreen. Her bellini is fresh and cool, just replaced by the cute poolside waitress who’s been especially attentive.

Her phone buzzes.

Colette: The client will meet you in your room at 9pm.

Penny wets her lips and sets her phone down. She stretches, tightening every muscle from the tips of her fingers to her toes, and slackens against the cushions, feeling pooling warmth below her belly.

Her scalp tingles at the gentle knock on the door. In the dimly lit room, she pads barefoot to the door, glass of champagne fizzing in her newly decorated hand. She checks the peephole, sweeps some hair off the shoulder of her black satin robe and opens the door.

His head snaps up like he wasn’t expecting her. He looks distracted and very tired. He smiles, guilty, like he knows how easily she can see his tension all over him. She has her work cut out for her tonight.

“Hi,” he murmurs, sounding just about as depleted as he feels. He reaches up and brushes some loose curls out of his eyes. They’re still a little wet from his post-rehearsal shower. He knows she doesn’t mind.

Penny takes his hand and it’s almost enough to bring tears to his eyes. She leads him wordlessly into her room. The lamp by her bed is on and the curtains on her floor-to-ceiling windows are drawn open, allowing the only light in the room. Her phone is plugged into the stereo, playing Sinatra’s In the Wee Small Hours album. He follows her to the sofa and sits, hearing his knees creak, feeling his back ache. She perches beside him and lifts her legs over his lap. He settles, curling one hand around her ankle and using the other to rub circles into her knee.

He looks up at her timidly. She fights a concerned frown.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he whispers, looking a little distraught, “I feel… kinda weird about it.”

“Why weird?” she asks, handing him a glass of champagne. He reluctantly pries a hand off her silky skin to take it and sip.

“Because… because you’re here for me and I ditched you. I mean, you know I didn’t want to, right? God, fuck, I really didn’t want to. I would’ve given anything to be here with you last night. But--”

“It’s ok, Shawn,” she assures him, widening her eyes to underline her sincerity, “This is your job. I understand that and I respect that. It deserves your time and attention more than I do.”

“But still, I flew you out here. I… I’d never want you to feel like just because I’m paying to see you that that means I can do whatever I want with you or your time. Because I respect you, too.”

Penny is quiet for a few very long seconds. “I know you do. It’s one of the reasons I like spending time with you. But we wouldn’t be here together if you weren’t in this position with your job.”

His skin prickles. He swallows another sip, a slightly larger one. “I guess it’s still weird for me. Being out with her, seeing the headlines and what people think.”

She brings in the ringer -- she scoops a hand up into the curls at the back of his neck and scrunches them, massaging her fingers against his nape. His eyes slide shut. He purrs.

“It’s all for a good cause,” she reminds him gently.

He nods and sips again, keeping his eyes shut.

“How was your day?” he whispers after a few quiet moments, fluttering his eyes back open.

“Good,” she chuckles, “I went to the gym, I took a bubble bath, I shopped, I laid out by the pool.”

He can tell. She’s all shimmery and warm in a way a woman only can be when she’s soaked up some natural sun. He nods admiringly, letting his fingers wander up her bare leg.

“Did you buy anything?”

She goes a little bashful. Shawn’s eyebrows lift.

“A few things,” she admits, untangling her fingers from his hair and holding her hand out in front of him, “This is my favorite.”

Shawn cups her hand in his broad palm and examines the ring with a grin. “It’s pretty. Why are you making that face?”

She purses her lips around a smile. “It’s a splurge. I walked into Cartier downstairs on a whim. I saw it in the window and needed it immediately.”

There’s something undeniably sexy to Shawn about a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it. He bites into his lower lip and brushes the pad of his thumb over the glinting stones.

“You deserve it, Pen.”

She slips her hand from his and slowly curls it under his jaw. “I know.”

His breath catches in his throat. He chokes on a stammering laugh. “I know you know. I guess I just like reminding you.”

She wets her unpainted lips. “Because you’re my good boy.”

Air whistles out of Shawn’s nose as he exhales. He nods in her hand.

Penny leans in. His lips are warm and a little rough, but they taste like champagne. She sighs into him, lets him trace his fingers up the outside of her thigh, brushing where the short robe lies against her sun-kissed skin. The tension in his jaw abates when she slips her tongue between his lips, exploring the way he softens just for her.

He pulls away first, out of breath. He presses his cheek to hers, nuzzling.

“Fuck, you have no idea how much I needed that.”

Penny places her flute of champagne beside his on the end table and reaches for him. They stand, Penny up on her toes to meet him from several inches below. With her hands secured around his neck, she continues kissing him -- she’s found it’s the best way to get him totally present with her, the fastest and sweetest way to relax him until he’s warm and pliant in her hands.

Her eyes are shut. The lights from the fountain show cast a glow against her eyelids but she’s too into him to notice. They explore different rhythms -- soft, sweet kisses, skating hands, gentle noises and rough, passionate moans, grabbing, taking, feeling.

She presses him back into the window, watching the colored lights of the strip surround his head like a halo as he pants down at her. For a moment, she just takes him in, breathing heavily, eyes wide, swallowing him in gulps. His hands twitch against her waist. She feels the tremble and lets it ground her.

She plants a hand against his chest. It rises and falls with his breath. She watches it, watches him beneath it, the way his eyes sparkle at her now that he’s all here, all hers.

“Shawn,” she beckons, guiding him with her voice, “Strip.”

He blinks, and it’s the only moment of pause he takes before he starts to obey. She steps back to give him room to kick off his boots, shove at his jeans and boxers, wriggle out of his fitted tee. He stands before her like the statue of David, but better -- flushed and full of life, hardening cock stirring against his thigh, brushed with soft hair all over his warm body.

“God, you’re fucking magnificent.”

Her eyes flash after she says it, locking onto his. He goes absolutely magenta, swallowing roughly and turning his face when the eye contact becomes too much. She makes a disapproving noise from the back of her throat and cups his cheek to turn him back to her.

“Look at me,” she urges, but it’s warm and, underneath, a little pleading. She holds his gaze. This time, he preens a little, lifting his chin, smiling, even flexing. She releases a wet growl and nods.

“I got myself off thinking about you last night,” she confesses hotly, reaching for the sash of her robe. His abs tense this time in shock, not to peacock for her.

“Really?” he stammers, eyes going comically wide.

She nods eagerly, slipping the robe off her shoulders. On her bronzed skin she wears a gold lace lingerie set -- a balconette bra she’s positively spilling from and a barely there v-string. His fingers curl into his palms and his head falls back into the window with a thud.

“I thought about you on your knees for me,” she pants, “Begging, pleading for a taste. God, you were ravenous. Fucking devouring me. So good for me, baby, just like always.”

Shawn whines impatiently, eyes falling shut as he imagines it too, cock bobbing against his thigh as he shivers.

“And then --” she purrs, causing him to snap his eyes back open because she sounds closer than she was, and she is, she’s standing so close that her feet are between his and her breasts are a hair’s breadth from his chest.

“--then, I let you fuck me.”

Shawn gasps a breath because he forgot he needed oxygen until his body forcibly reminded him.

“Yeah?” he croaks.

Penny nods, smirking. She rests her palms against his chest and hears him deflate like a balloon. She cocks her head, admiring her ring in this new light. The rose gold looks pretty against his skin. She hums thoughtfully, nudges it with her thumb to watch it sparkle.

Her eyes lift to his. He was already watching her closely.

“You like my ring, Shawn?”

He nods, certain, but unsure of where she’s going with this. She spreads her fingers and starts gliding her hand up over his collarbone, wrapping delicately around his throat. He stops breathing like she’s restricting his airway, but it’s just in anticipation. After a heated moment, she continues her hand’s path under his chin and up until her fingertips rest against his mouth.

“Open,” she commands softly.

Shawn’s jaw drops enough for her to slip her index and middle finger into his mouth, resting against his perfect wet tongue. He grunts, closes his mouth around them, starting to suck gently to gauge her reaction.

She watches him hungrily as he tastes her fingers, swirling his tongue along the length of them, between them, paying special attention to the ring she’s so fond of. He groans as he watches her face, lips parted like she, too, can’t believe how fucking hot this is.

Slowly, carefully, he lifts his hands to rest in the dips of her waist, anchoring her close to him as he lavishes her fingers, admiring their slender strength in his mouth. She curls them teasingly, he nips at her knuckles to watch her squirm. The lights and sounds of the city behind them are totally lost. Or maybe they’re the ones that are lost.

Shawn keeps sucking and licking far past the point of vulgarity. The noises his mouth makes against her fingers are filthy and he hopes (he’s pretty confident) that it’s doing a good job of getting her wet for him. She’s not stopping him, though. She’s rapt, amazed at his attention, waiting -- for what, he’s not sure. But he won’t stop until she tells him to.

Maybe it’s her wriggling impatience that finally has her tugging her fingers away from his swollen lips with a pop. He flicks his head back to free his sweaty forehead from some stray curls. He breathes hard, mouth open, waiting for whatever she wants next.

Penny brushes her tongue against her lower lip. She skims her wet fingers down her stomach, dipping into the front of her panties with a sigh. In her periphery, Shawn’s chest rises and falls a little faster. She curls her fingers against her pussy with a groan, shoulders softening, head lolling sideways when she releases a soft breath.

“Penny,” Shawn hisses weakly, “Please.”

Her eyelids are heavy as she stares up at him. He doesn’t know what he’s asking for, she can tell. It’s ok. She always knows what he wants even when he doesn’t.

Slowly, a little reluctantly, she pulls her hand from between her legs and slips her fingertips into the cup of her bra, holding a condom up for him to take. He heaves a relieved sigh and lifts a corner of his wet mouth.

She takes his free hand and pulls him off the window, taking his place against it. She settles back for a moment, staring up at his face as he concentrates on steadying his shaky fingers enough to roll the condom on. He blinks hard when he finishes and sees her watching him.

“Wh-what do you want, Penny?”

She turns her back to him, shifts her hands up until they’re pressing into the glass above her head. Shawn’s breath shudders hard in his chest as he admires the shape of her, fully illuminated by the city lights. He takes a mental picture, begs his frazzled brain to hold onto this image as long as he can.

She glances over her shoulder and nods at him. Wordlessly, reverently, he peels her out of her pretty bra and panties, tossing them behind him toward the bed. She chuckles at his eagerness. He smiles back, caught, but comfortable basking in how much he wants her.

She turns. Shawn inhales sharply and staggers, planting a hand up on the window beside her to remain steady. She gathers him up into her arms and, as they both lock eyes and inhale, he lifts her, wrapping her legs around his torso, angling the head of his cock against her entrance.

He chokes on a breath, “Fuck-- oh fuck, you’re so wet.”

Penny nods, a little frantic, thrusting her fingers into his curls as if to steer him. “Listen to me. I need you to fuck me as hard as you can. Don’t hold back, baby. I wanna feel you. I wanna feel everything.”

Shawn’s eyes fall shut. He hears the volume of the groan he releases but he doesn’t remember allowing himself to make it. He shifts her in his arms until he slides in an inch or two. Her eyes close just as his reopen.

He follows the stroke through until he’s buried, brushing his nose against hers. She feels him, understands what he wants. She nods again, clenching her arms tighter around his shoulders.

With a loud gasp, Shawn tilts his hips, sliding all the way back as he holds her flat against the window, and presses back in harder. He hangs his head against her shoulder, establishing a slow, deep rhythm, flinching every time he hears her body squeezing around him greedily.

“Holy… shit,” he coughs, letting his tongue brush her collarbone as he picks up his pace, egged on by her bare heels digging into his ass.

Penny can’t fucking breathe. Her head bumps back against the window with each powerful stroke. Every row of his hips stretches her further. It’s like every thrust fills her so completely, there isn’t even room for oxygen in her lungs. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t think she needs it right now. She needs this.

“So… good,” she grunts, the sound throaty and weak.

He’s not holding back, she can tell. She wasn’t sure if he could get here with her, if he trusted her, and himself, enough to let himself have this. But she knows he needs it. She thinks maybe they both do.

“Penny,” he sighs. His hips work faster. She scrunches her fingers in his hair.

“More,” she demands, but the whine in her voice gives it away as a plea.

“Fuck,” he swears, shaking his head in disbelief. He hitches her up in his arms as their sweaty bodies slip, and it changes the angle. Her fingers scrabble on his back, sinking in and dragging, leaving livid red marks as she clings to him against his mighty swings.

Her eyes glaze over, roll back slightly. “Oh god, yes!” she cries, turning her face to bury her nose in his hair and bite sharply at the shell of his ear.

He growls in a way she hasn’t heard from him. It’s rough, all animal, and she knows there’s nothing left in him that’s uncertain or anxious or self-conscious or scared. He holds her hips steady and pounds hard, relishing the slick squelch of their bodies and the protest of the window against her skin.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” she chants, holding on for dear life. It’s all she can do. She has no leverage to fuck back against him. He’s the one driving into her and, when he does, pressing her back to reach even deeper. She sobs for breath, soaking him as he ruts hard against her clit with every perfect, reckless stroke.

“Penny, shit,” Shawn moans, “Please, please, you have to come. I can’t fucking hold on.”

With a whine in her throat, she yanks at his hair to bring his eyes up to hers. The pupils are so dilated she can’t see any brown left. She focuses on the blackness and feels her walls spasm, so close she can taste it.

“Harder,” she hisses, daring him, keeping his head pinned between her hands.

His brow furrows. His tensed hands clench hard enough to bruise. He doesn’t have anymore to give, but she wants it, so he’s going to fucking give it to her. He groans, ass clenching as he forces himself deeper into her desperate, willing body until she gasps and breaks.

He’s never felt anything like it. She goes solid in his arms, every well-trained muscle hard as a rock, but her pussy trembles around him, holding him in. She massages his throbbing cock so thoroughly that Shawn loses his hold and comes right behind her, spilling into the condom with a scream. His hips keep thrusting shallowly, the rhythm holding steady long past when it usually does after he comes. It takes them both longer than usual to come down.

When they do, even Shawn’s impressive strength is nearly gone. His knees tremble as he scoops her off the window and stumbles toward the bed, using his last bit of self-control to lay her down gently, his cock still nestled inside her pulsing walls.

She loosens her grip on his shoulders and hair, stroking instead of scraping. Her breathing steadies from gasps to perfect, mindless whimpers. He doesn’t think he’s breathing at all until she shifts beneath him and he hears himself whine, loud and unabashed.

He lifts his heavy head from her shoulder to look down at her. She’s smiling gently, still panting through her overfull lips. He barely stops himself from kissing her. He grins like a moron instead.

“Are you… ok?” he asks, his voice shaky. She nods.

He starts to pull his hips back. One of her legs, still slung around him, presses into his ass cheek as she makes a weak noise.

“Slowly,” she groans, brow furrowing. He bobs his head sheepishly and eases out, feeling the way her body resists the loss. It gives him a full body shiver.

He ties off the condom and lobs it into a trashcan by the bed. He reaches for her hip, cupping where his hands held her so tight.

“Are you… sure you’re ok?”

She makes a warm purring noise and closes her eyes. “You were so good, so perfect for me. I’ve never been fucked that hard before.”

This perks him up a bit. He smiles to himself and nudges closer to her on top of the bedspread, shutting his eyes.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” he whispers.

She threads her fingers into his hair and pets his scalp until they’re both asleep, curled up beside each other.

He wants to hold her hand.

It’s a pretty sudden realization as she walks him back to his room. He’s pretty sure it’s because he’s never had a sexual experience like this in his life and he’s still fucking high from it, but it’s disconcerting, too.

So he doesn’t hold her hand. He just glances over at her again, amazed she’s up and walking, especially after they went at it again (much less aggressively) after their nap. She smirks at him.

“I’m not a china doll, Shawn,” she assures him. He flushes a little.

“Yeah, no, I… sorry.”

She chuckles through her nose and glances up the long hallway to the door of his room.

“I probably should’ve let you sleep,” she sighs, glancing down at her work phone, frowning at the time -- 6:11 AM.

Shawn shrugs. “I think I needed that more than sleep.”

They stop outside his door. He reaches for her, unsure of what he’s after, when the door next to his swings open.

Cez is looking down at his phone, dressed in gym wear, ready to go. He glances up and freezes, staring at Shawn and Penny.

Shawn’s mouth goes dry. His stomach lurches. He opens his mouth to speak.

“... anyway, I know I’m an asshole, it’s like, 6 AM and I’m definitely still super fucking drunk, but my friends will, like, murder me if I don’t get a selfie with you.”

Shawn stares at Penny for almost a beat too long. Her eyes are wide and manic. Her grin is toothy. Her voice doesn’t sound like hers at all. She even stumbles a little for effect. He swallows and nods.

“Yeah, ok.”

She slings an arm around him and holds up her phone, snapping the photo with a squeal.

“Okie! Byeeeee!”

Without a glance back at either of them, Penny hustles away, almost losing her balance even just in flip flops. Shawn’s sure she put it on as part of her little impromptu show.

He glances back at Cez, who snorts and shakes his head, seemingly unbothered.

“Went for another dawn walk?” Cez guesses.

Shawn blinks and nods, catching up. “Yeah. Gonna get changed and hit the gym, too.”

Cez nods and walks off, busy on his phone. Shawn lets himself into his room and doesn’t let himself exhale until the door clicks behind him.

Shawn Mendes SLAYS Night One of iHeart Summer Fest -- E!News

Shawn Mendes Surprises Vegas Fans With Bex Duet! -- The Hollywood Reporter

Shawn Mendes Commands Night One, Highlight of Inaugural iHeart Summer Festival -- Rolling Stone

His heart skips a beat like it does whenever La Splendeur calls, but this time it thuds even a little harder. He’s not sure why they’re calling him. He hasn’t made another booking yet. Hell, he hasn’t even left Vegas yet.

“Hello?”

“Hello, may I have your verbal password, please?”

“Ireland,” Shawn grunts, closing the door behind him as he steps onto his hotel room balcony.

“Excellent, thank you, Mr. Mendes. Miss Penny has requested that I leave you with her cell number for future bookings.”

His face is blank. “... She did?”

“Yes. It’s not uncommon practice. After a period of time, our employees often transition to arranging directly with preferred clients.”

Preferred clients. He really shouldn’t be blushing at that, but…

He puts the phone on speaker so he can type in her number, saving it under the name “Orthodontist” -- just in case.

Pamela thwaps her tail against the entryway carpet impatiently, but stays put when Penny opens the door for the delivery that the mysterious auction house called to arrange the previous day. Behind the door stands a tall gentleman in a well tailored suit, wearing a flat, polite grin.

“Miss Penny?”

Penny nods. “Yes.”

He gestures to the credenza beside her. She lets him in, clearing her throat uncertainly as she shuts the door behind him.

With his back to her, he lifts a briefcase onto the surface and pops it open. A familiar red leather box, much larger than the one she brought home from Vegas, sits inside.

He lifts it out and turns to her, presenting it as if for her inspection. She squares her shoulders and nods.

He lifts the lid. Penny’s knees turn to jello. Her eyes go wide as saucers. Her breath catches.

“Oh… my god.”

“Spectacular, isn’t it?” the man agrees enthusiastically.

Inside the box is a diamond tennis necklace in a white gold setting with graduated stones. It has to be at least 12 carats total. And Penny’s no jeweler but she bets, especially given the way in which it was delivered, that the diamonds in the settings are nearly flawless.

“The certificate of authenticity is in this folder. As I’m sure you’ve already been told, the necklace is 1949 Cartier, handmade in France, designed by Frank Sinatra for Ava Gardner.”

She swears she’s going to pass out. She lifts a hand to her forehead and focuses on her breath so she doesn’t swallow her fucking tongue.

“I’m-- is there a note? Who sent this?”

The man looks startled, like he was quite certain Penny knew all about this gift. He hands her a piece of cardstock in a creamy envelope and packs his briefcase back up, leaving the red box on the credenza. Penny is scared to touch it.

She holds the card behind her in her twitching fingers. She cocks her head, staring at the necklace. Pamela settles beside her, brushing her leg with her big, furry head.

When Penny thinks she’s regained enough sense to read, she slides the card from the envelope.

‘Thank you

x, Shawn’

----------

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blognotfound · 5 years ago

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@mytalkingraccoon nominated me for this shit ugh

1. think of the last person who said i love you, do you think they meant it? he did, unfortunately i didn’t. 2. would you date an 18yr old at the age you are now? i mean i’m 18 so 3. when was the last you were aggravated and happy at the same time? like a month ago during s 4. would you ever smile at a stranger? yeah and i do cuz i’m a nice fucking person 5. is there someone mad bc you’re dating or talking to the person you are? not currently no 6. have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yeah and i’ll link it 7. what exactly are you wearing right now? an old volleyball shirt and that’s literally it 8. how often do you listen to music? practically every waking moment 9. do you wear jeans or sweats more? jeans fo sho 10. do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014? i mean 11. are you a social or antisocial person? i’m a hybrid 12. have you ever kissed someone who’s name begins with the letter a? yeah and that was def a mistake 13. what about the letter r? no i don’t think so 14. can you drive a stick shift? yes but will i crash it? also yes 15. do you care if people talk badly about you? not really, just have the balls to say it to my face if you do 16. are you going out of town soon? no i don’t think so 17. when was the last time you cried? months ago 18. have you ever told someone you loved them? mhm 19. if you could change your eye color, would you? yeah maybe like a greenish color 20. is there a boy who you would absolutely everything for? my dad ig? maybe my guy bsf? 21. name something you dislike about the say you’re having. my skin is dry but that’s it 22. is it cute when guys kiss you on the forehead? i guess 23. are you dating the last person you talked to? nope thank god 24. what are you sitting on rn? the floor lmao 25. does anybody regularly tell you they love you? nope 26. have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? who hasn’t 27. who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? my f*ckbuddy 28. do you get a lot of colds? no i have an immune system like the fucking navy seals 29. where is the shirt you’re wearing from? from my high school 30. does anyone hate you? probably? 31. do you have empty alcohol bottles hidden in your room? no i throw them away cuz i’m not a pussy 32. do you like watching scary movies? yeah sometimes 33. do you wanna get your tongue pierced? god no 34. if you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? i mean they all suck but sophomore year of high school ig 35. did you have a dream last night? yes it was a weird ass dream with bucky the winter soldier and ben hardy archangel ok 36. when was the last time you told someone you love them? two days ago 37. do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? god i hope not marriage is for the weak im sorry 38. do you think someone has feelings for you? yeah. feelings of hatred 39. do you think someone is thinking of you rn? yeah probably 40. did you have a good day yesterday? yeah it was decent 41. think back 2 months ago. were you in a relationship? no 42. in the next 48hrs, will you hang out with a girl? yeah my sister lmao 43. has anyone told you they don’t ever wanna lose you? yeah but i don’t think they meant it 44. what’s the best part about school? LEAVING lmaooooo 45. do you have any pictures on your facebook? pft who has facebook anymore 46. do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? no i just text them lmao 47. do you replay things that happen in your head? yes constantly it’s a problem 48. were you single last summer? nope 49. is anything in your life like it was 2 years ago? god no everything is different 50. what are you supposed to be doing rn? nothing?? i don’t think?? 51. do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? no i don’t have daddy issues 52. are you nice to everyone hahahhahahahahhaha 53. have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? unfortunately 54. did you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? yeah? what kinda question 55. are you good at hiding your feelings? sometimes 56. do you think you like someone? i do not 57. have you ever kissed someone who’s name starts with j? no i’m pretty sure i haven’t? 58. do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? boys, girls are too sensitive and too gossipy and too 59. has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? LMAO YES AND THIS IS A FUNNY STORY BUT 60. do you hate anyone? no, i got no room in my life for h8 ;) 61. how’s your heart? i mean i got low blood pressure it could be beating a lil harder 62. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? several things 63. have you ever cried over a guy? yes and i’m not ashamed 64. who is probably talking a load of crap about you rn? one of my exes maybe 65. are your toenails painted pink? no. oddly specific question 66. will your next kiss be a mistake? possibly? 67. do girls love it when their bfs cry? no?!?!?! what the hell 68. have your pants ever fallen down in public? no geez 69. who was the last person you were on the phone with? my dad 70. how do you look rn? fresh asf you already know 71. do you have someone you can be your complete self around? yes idgaf i’m myself around everyone 72. can you commit to one person? yeah 73. do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yes and these questions are getting kinda repetitive 74. have you ever felt replaced? several times 75. did you wake up cranky? no 76. are you a jealous person? generally no 77. are relationships ever worth it? yeah and if you don’t think so your relationships have been toxic sry 78. anyone you’re giving up on? not rn 79. currently wanting to see anyone? yes, literally anyone. i’d like to see another human being 80. name something you have to do tomorrow. hydrate lmao 81. last person you cried in front of? oh geez it was 82. is there someone you’ll never forget? yeah i have a good memory 83. do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? i ain’t got feelings 84. if the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing rn? chillin& stuff 85. are you over your past? is anyone? 86. have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? yeeeet yeah 87. is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? mhm 88. if your fist true love knocked on your door with an apology and presents would you accept? AAHAHAHAHHAHA hellll nah 89. so the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3am, do you let them in? yeah they’re just coming over to f*ck again 90. have you ever liked someone who your friends hates? yeah 91. will you be in a relationship in 2 months? hope not 92. is there anyone you know with the name michael? probably shout out to micheal 93. have you ever kissed a matthew? ugh no but i’ve been tempted to 94. were you in a relationship in january? how was it going? yes& great! 95. were you happy with the person you liked in march? no i was not 96. is the last person you texted attractive? eh 97. who do you have texts from? my mom, my guy bsf, and my f*ckbuddy 98. if the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? “oh, cool!” (and also move on lmao) 99. have you ever kissed someone older than you? mm yeah 100. who’s in your pfp with you? no one??? 101. ever kissed under fireworks? yes i have ;) 102. has anybody ever given you butterflies? ofc lmao

tagging - the person reading this muahahahahahaha

#if u read this whole thing #you have to do it #thems the rules #super unique tag #personal #tag game

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lightningcritter · 5 years ago

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Up Ladybug, got a goal, we’ll be fine some day, together

Hello @tbriddle! Thank you so much for your understanding, patience and kindness these past few months. It really meant a lot. This fic detailing two drabbles on the relationship of our favorite ladybug and cat is dedicated to you as a secret santa gift, I hope you enjoy it!

Also big thanks to @secret-pv-presents! It was a pleasure writing for such an amazing event and thank you so much for your kindness and patience. I hope you enjoy the read!

The title is a lyric from the original Ladybug PV.

Bridgette & Felix

“ALLEGRAAaaaAAA!!” Was all the warning the blonde got before being bombarded by Bridgette, who insisted on putting all of her weight in her hugs. Allegra laughs, stumbling a little under the sudden weight, but she is not one to be deterred as she hefts the smaller Asian girl onto her back. Without a delay in her steps, she continues walking.

“Noooooooooooooooo” Bridgette whines, wriggling to get off. “Okay, okay, we get it! You’re tall! Now let me down!!”

“Oh nonono. I don’t think so.” Allegra only laughs, blowing some of her bangs out of her face. “Careful, don’t want to fall in the fountain again.”

“That was only once!” She exclaims, but ceases struggling. Not without puppy eyes, the best that Paris has ever seen. “Oh fine.” Her friend rolls her eyes, releasing Bridgette who cheers.

“By the way, have you heard?”

“Hm?” Bridgette hums. She has a pretty good idea what Allegra is going to tell her, but plays along.

“Another man went missing.” Allegra exclaims as they round the corner, walking up a street. The absence of sun from the tall business building shadowing this street seemed to suck away the warmth from the sun. Bridgette finds herself gently rubbing her arms, feeling the goosebumps under her fingers.

“The fourth one in just two days! His name is Henry Bisset. But get this, people say that they saw another of those magicky pillars near where he was last seen. They think that maybe he made a deal with the devil.”

“Is it confirmed that the magick pillar and missing man are linked or is it just speculation?” Bridgette says, tugging on her backpack straps as she hops onto the stone staircase. She squints at the light that shines past some chimneys as they walk up.

“Because he could be a victim of The Mime or that weird pigeon guy.” Bullsh*t. Bridgette, or rather Ladybug, knows that the pillar of magic only appeared when the man in white corrupted a person. She saw it happen in front of her eyes as the man in white transformed a distraught father into his most dangerous subordinate, the Mime. That incident, the outstretched fingers of the man who whispered ‘help me’ before being overtaken by the pillar of light, is one she will never forget. “Like a hostage situation or something.”

“Like he might be linked to Ladybug and Chat Noir?” Allegra inquires. In that thoughtful tone of hers like she might do some investigating or something, which is dangerous especially since she is the very competent heir of the Golden Musician magic- Bridgette quickly backtracks as she scoffs, waving a hand as she hops up onto the last step to the top of the staircase. “NAH. No way! If he did, I’m sure Ladybug and Chat Noir would have done more than just snooping around and then calling it a night!”

Allegra glances to her friend, a little bemused by her strong reaction. “Yes. You may be right… Why do you thi-” She was cut off as Bridgette suddenly jumped with a happy squeal which can only meant that she found something delicious to eat, an extremely good fabric on sale… or she spotted Felix. Allegra follows her line of sight and just shakes her head with a smile. Definitely the last option.

“Oh my sTARS, Allegra! Isn’t he just so elegant?! How does he do it, this early in the morning!?” Allegra tried to look at Felix through Bridgette’s very literal heart eyes, but just couldn’t. He seems tired and grouchy as usual, almost a bit skittish. He is holding a sizable coffee cup alongside his usual book- a new one this time judging by the red cover- and is sporting eye bags that could easily rival Bridgette’s after a creative-driven night of frenzy designing. His hair and clothes were immaculate as usual.

Right now, he was just cupping his coffee cup in his sweater-covered hands, glaring at the lack of a Java jacket like it was the source of his problems. “His sweater paws are so cute!” Ah, Bridgette has already noticed, now just cupping her face and now waving her hand in the air at Felix as she skipped over. Allegra in tow, sisters in arms, of course. “FELIX!!! GOOD MORNING!!”

He jumps at the sudden sound, the cup almost sliding out of his hand before Bridgette catches it, poking it back into his hands. “Bridgette, can you not yell this early in the morning? It hurts my head. I think my ears are ringing.” Allegra wonders how out of it he is that his Bridgette sensor didn’t go off. His Bridgette sense was more accurate than ever these days and Allegra has not missed his quiet, warm looks directed at her before Bridgette eventually finds him.

“You sure it’s just the volume and not the capital letters?” Bridgette teases back, her face lit up with a smile. Felix merely rolls his eyes with the poorly concealed fondness that came from the soft spot he has for Bridgette, just taking a sip in response. He greets Allegra with a polite nod which she returns with a friendly wave.

It was a peaceful walk to the school from that point, as Allen joined when they passed by his usual morning bakery stop, and the peace quickly turned into back-and-forth banter when Claude joined, popping out from some trees like the tall gremlin he is.

Bridgette couldn’t help her wide smile and the skip in her step, happy and feeling at peace with her friends. She laughs cheerily at a musical pun Allen directed towards Melodie, who smacked him in the arm with her flute case.

Felix, engrossed in the verbal cat fight with Claude as he is, shared the same sentiment. Even while quickly finishing the coffee with the amount of angry sips taken from it.

This didn’t escape Bridgette’s notice but classes started before she could say anything. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any morning classes together.

“You drank that coffee so fast I was worried that you were going to crash before lunch.” Bridgette comments from behind, skipping until she was walking right beside him as they maneuvered through the hallway. Although their school boasted wider hallways than her old school, so it wasn’t a big deal. Felix envies her seemingly boundless energy. “You’d be surprised how long a single cup of coffee can sustain a person.”

“With six shots of espresso in it? I should never have had any doubt.” She giggles. Felix lets out a breath of laughter.

“Do you want to get lunch together, Felix?” Bridgette suddenly blurts out followed by an uncharacteristic shyness as she nervously plays with the end of one of her twintails. Felix notices how pink the girl’s cheeks had become and was unsurprised to feel his own heart rate picking up a notch. Bridgette glances up at him, delightedly smiling a bit at the tint of pink on his cheeks.

“Of course.” He responds almost immediately. He held his thermos of tea tighter in his hands, staring down determinedly at the curling bit of steam, the heat drawing out of the pink color in his cheeks. To think there was a time where Felix would sneak around the lycee in a mission to avoid Bridgette.

“I was thinking of a quaint Italian deli found the other day tucked over where you can see the Eiffel Tower. I remember you saying that you really like sandwiches.” He didn’t mention that he only knew about it because Chat Noir had slipped on an unlucky loose brick and crashed into the outdoor sitting area when battling with the Mime yesterday night. Er, this morning. At 3am.

“Yes!!” Bridgette cheers, both fists pumping in the air. “I love sandwiches!”

Ladybug & Chat Noir

There’s some kind of irony to describe this situation. Some cruel irony that only the Fate that encouraged him to put on the Black Cat ring could… inspire. Were Felix in any other situation, he could spit out bitter poetry that could properly express any and all of his emotions with a dramatic flair. Bridgette knows, having been the willing but unfortunate audience to Fellix’s hissy fits on missions and school assignments alike.

The cathedral around them was falling fast, pieces of rubble and broken purple stained glass reflecting the fading red and green light as their transformations whittled away to Bridgette and Felix. Like some kind of macabre imitation of the red and green Christmas lights that still lit up the rest of Paris.

Bridgette looked up and found Felix’s face a breath away from hers, his green eyes shining as they met her own brown eyes. This time there was no magicked haziness that hurt their eyes and their brains. They saw each other as plain as day, even as their surroundings grew dark again.

“I knew it.” Bridgette whispered through cracked lips, a soft wheeze. Her heart pounded as she drew a long, slow breath to calm her heart. It didn’t do much, her head still spun with a dizziness that wasn’t just from blood loss as she gently pushed herself up.

“I… didn’t.” He replied, almost instantly, his soft tone relaxing Bridgette’s nerves a little. A tremor went through his normally still soul, leaving his face frozen in shock and his hands trembling as he rifled through past memories. This revelation suddenly filled in all the holes and answered all the questions he had about Bridgette’s timely appearances and Ladybug’s mannerisms; their faces are the exact same! He almost wants to smack himself for not making connections sooner.

He realizes that he has been staring at her for too long. And realizes that she was also staring at him, her gaze flitting about his face as if she was making the same connections that he was.

His other hand still holding her shoulders to him gently rose to her face, brushing loose strands from her face. “There.” He says, tilting his head until his forehead rested to hers, unwilling to be far from the person he thought he just lost.

“I did have my suspicions.” He finally admitted in the silence. He saw her blink, her lips curving in a familiar smug grin.

“Before I tricked you to think they were wrong.” His face finally changes to that familiar grumpy cat look. She couldn’t help her laugh, although its usual boisterous volume was quieted by her fractured ribs.

Felix didn’t move though and just held her gaze as if seeing her again for the first time when they met under the big new moon on that rickety rooftop with tall winding chimneys. The trust and relief in his eyes caught her breath, soothing what doubt churned in her chest.

“Let’s talk about this later.” She says with a smile, bringing up her hand to her ear. “Tikki, spots on.” Her earrings hummed, flashing pink light again as Tikki whirled out of the earrings happily laughing as she flew in fast circles above their heads, leaving behind glowing red dust as it settled over the two, bringing them off the ground buoyantly. Felix watched with wide eyes, speechless, as Bridgette floating higher. The pink dust hovered in the air for only a moment, moving like little shooting stars before it coalesced over her mundane clothes. When the light faded, there stood Ladybug. Felix smiled. The red mask brought out her determined, impossible blue eyes, her suit highlighting the stance of utmost confidence.

He realizes he was staring as he sheepishly ran his hand through his hair. “What?”

“Nothing.” She laughs in such a genuine and whole way like she always does. It felt right and he returned her laughter with a soft smile. He extends his hand, gently squeezing hers and gently pulls her back to the ground. He looks over what’s left of the cathedral foyer, the shattered glass and rubble made it a precarious journey starting with the pieces of colorful ceiling that trapped them. A piece of cake for them, though.

Ladybug reaches up, her hand brushing his as the curious spherical red-and-black disc transforming itself into a hefty pickaxe in her other hand. “Maybe I should take a look, we probably wouldn’t want to touch an unlucky spot.”

He takes her gloved hand and places a soft kiss on her palm, grinning at her flustered face. “Or perhaps, my Lady, your advantage is that you’re short.” He can’t help laughing as Ladybug lets out an indignant squawk, scuffing her fist against his arm.

“Plagg.” The ring pulses three times, releasing an eerie glow of deep purple, black and green in waves, as Plagg whirled out of the ring cackling. “It was about time, Felix, do YOU know how tORtuROus it was??”

“The only time anything isn’t torturous for you is when you’re gorging yourself on cheese.” He responds dryly, to which Plagg only hovers upside, stretching not unlike a cat as his permanent grin only widens.

“Or napping.”

“Hello Ladybug.” Plagg waves a lazy paw. She looks up from where she was prying apart wooden panels, where moonlight was leaking through. “Hey~” She winks.

And before Plagg could open his big mouth, Felix thrust his arm forward, the ring facing Plagg. “Claws out.” He grins. Plagg pouts, kitten eyes shining before spiraling in the ring. Flashes of purple-black light explodes outward as he closes his hand into a fist. Felix closes his eyes, feeling his breath rush out of him as the light solidifies into encompassing bubbles that merge with his dark clothes, melting into the familiar stealth armor he preferred.

Ladybug watched his transformation with a fond smile and held a hand out when his eyes opened again, sweeping it dramatically to the opened doors. He took her invitation as they both jumped out of the chasm made by his Cataclysm, the two of them bouncing up amongst rubble and jutting stone until all that was in their view was the open Parisian city they loved.

Ladybug had gotten there first. Her fists clenched by her side, narrowed eyes taking in the challenge to war. Chat Noir walked up to where she stood on the sloped roof, resting a foot on the apex, his hands resting almost leisurely on his sides.

The first thing they saw was the Papillon miraculous’s symbol imprinted on the sky, flaring the telltale miraculous light. Impossibly white, murky with bright colors.

The moonlight that had peaked through the doors was gone, instead, rolling clouds pulsing with magic were quickly moving across the Parisian sky. Sparks of fire and pillars of Papillon miraculous magic lit up the red city, casting light on the blimps that blared the purple Papillon miraculous symbol. Neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir have seen so many pillars of magic activated.

Charged wind blew around eerily, the sounds of shouting, crying and sirens filling the air. “This is a declaration of war.” Noir notes. Suddenly a sharp wind picked up while hot air blasted up from her feet. Neither Ladybug nor Chat Noir moved as their hair and ribbons danced and flipped in the gale. As one, they looked down over the edge of the roof.

And before their very eyes, a giant blimp rises from a pit in the cobblestone streets, its giant butterfly symbol looming over them as it lifts off into the sky floating forward toward the Eiffel Tower like a shark in the water.

Ladybug only turns her head to him, a determined smile on her face. He looks over to her, his eyes thoughtful and calculating. Her phone was already out in her hand, the call activated in the group chat. “We won’t hesitate either.”

#miraculous ladybug pv #bridgette #felix #chat noir #ladybug #lucky charm #brelix #brilix #my fic #gift!!

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planetsam · 6 years ago

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Michael Guerin, Space Pirate

Huge shout out to @signoraviolettavalery who made a great post about a Martian au that I cranked up the angst on by deciding Alex would be a great space voyeur to Michael’s space pirate.

Being stuck on the graveyard shift feels oddly appropriate.

He thinks Michael would have loved the irony of it.

Alex takes a long drink from his coffee. He watched the launch after it happened, in one of the staff break rooms. He didn’t think much of it, only the 3AM shift he had the next morning was on his mind. Now he wishes things were different. Not that he fully expected his high school fling to remember him, or to realize that he was working for NASA as well. Alex is in SatCom, he monitors their satellites. Eyes in the sky, some people call him, but he likes to think of himself as an Interplanetary Voyeur. Most of his education and training goes to waste. He didn’t mind it when he felt like he was a part of something bigger than himself, making sure that everyone got home safely.

Now when he looks at the red planet, all he thinks is how Michael finally got his wish.

Michael always wanted to be part of something bigger. He also wanted to get the hell off the planet. Alex remembers their endless conversations about it, laying under the real stars when they could and the fake, tacked on stars when they couldn’t. Michael found his way off the planet. And was the most popular astronaut to boot. He was the only one surprised at that. Alex saw his face everywhere. Each time it kicked up a gut punch of emotions. Mostly now it was a sadness that was far too familiar when it came to him, to them—now though there was a finality to it. The idea that Michael would be bones on Mars and the only way Alex would ever see him was in old footage was borderline incomprehensible. For the moment Alex let himself not think about it and focus instead on his job. The storm had cleared and he focused on what they could see. It was highly unlikely they would ever see Michael’s body, the dust storm would have buried him. But Alex hopes he does. Michael deserves that closure.

Taking another hit of caffeine, he turns to scrolling through the pictures and cataloguing things that have shifted in the dust. He frowns and zooms in towards the HAB. Alex refines the pictures, teasing out a clearer image. He can picture the conversation in his head, he knows the exact arguments. He brings up the images from the past few days. The way things have shifted does not line up with what is in front of him. The solar panels should be completely covered, but they are clean. Spotless, or as spotless as anything gets on Mars. He looks again and triple checks just to make sure. The chance is impossibly slim. But his hand is already reaching for his phone. He thumbs in the number for security.

“I need the emergency contact number for Dr. Kapoor,” He says, “this is Alex Manes in SatCom.”

“Are you sure it’s an emergency?” The bored voice asks. Alex isn’t sure of anything at the moment.

“Yes,” He says instead.

The head of the mission is wildly above his pay grade and Alex has been raised to respect the chain of command. Why his violations of it seem intrinsically linked to Michael Guerin is something he doesn’t have the capacity to figure out at the moment. Not after the phone rings twice and he hears the man on the other end clear his throat. God, he’s woken his boss up at 3:35 am.

“Hello?”

“Hi, sir, this is Alex Manes in SatCom,” he says, “I think Michael Guerin is alive,” there is a distinct bang and a groan, a whispered apology and the sound of feet moving, “the solar panels are clean.”

“And you’re sure it’s not the wind?”

“Yes, sir,” he says, glancing up at the screen as the next round of images come through. He almost drops the phone, “sir, the Rover has moved.”

“What?!”

“The rover moved,” he says, scrambling to look at the photos again, “the solar panels are clean and the rover has moved.”

“I’ll be there shortly.”

Fuck. Mars.

Fuck it so hard.

Michael is over this planet. He wants off. Why he can’t find a planet he wants to stay on is beyond him and now definitely is not the time for those deep philosophical questions. He’s got more pressing issues like making sure the hole in his gut closes without infection, finding a way to supplement his food and, oh yeah, contact earth.

“Look, I’m not upset about being left behind,” he tells the log, “that’s protocol. What pisses me off is the fact that I’m doing everyone’s homework,” he shakes his head, “here’s my new universal constant: a group project will always end with one person doing all the work. We’ll call it Guerin’s Law.”

He has an idea for contacting earth. The problem is that it rides on earth knowing he’s contacting them. He’s got no idea if anyone has even figured out he’s alive. He doubts it. But there’s a chance. He knew it was bullshit but he had an affection for the dramatic Rover that gave it’s dying words and sang itself a birthday song every year. Michael has had plenty of those birthdays. And of course when he’s already doing everyone’s work, he now has to do the extra credit and pull off the save. If he doesn’t get an A, he’s fucking suing. He looks in the camera, aware this could be his last message.

“Captain Evans,” He says, “none of this is your fault, I forgive you for everything if that’s what you need to hear,” his solemn face turns deadly, “but if this doesn’t work and I die listening to your alarmingly inclusive Donna Summer, I will turn your life into the karaoke bar from hell.”

Seems like a good note to go out on.

Summer eat your heart out.

Alex looks over the chart again.

And again.

The spotlight is nerve wracking. They have established Michael is alive, but they don’t have a way of communicating. He knows Michael is trying to figure something out and everyone is scrambling to find it. He also knows he has an advantage. It’s been years, so many thing have changed, but he’s got a good idea of how Michael’s mind works. He follows the paths the Rover is making and connects the dots before anyone else.

“Opportunity?”

“It lines up,” he says, “he’s going for the Rover.”

“Let me make some calls.”

Thankfully the Opportunity team is largely still around. By the time Michael gets it up and working, they are ready. The images come in and patch together. Alex is awake for twenty hours straight but he’s there when the images come in. Michael standing in front of two signs and holding a third. Alex’s heart leaps into his throat and it’s got nothing to do with the truly staggering amount of coffee he has consumed. A cheer goes up and he sits down before his knees can do anything like buckle. Michael’s face is just visible. Alex can make out a single curl that’s half escaped from his cap and it’s always the little things. Michael is alive. They point the camera towards the ‘yes’ sign and the next image is blurry but only because he’s jumping up and down. He’s got no back up supplies and he’s jumping up and down.

Alex thinks he might be the one who dies in all of this.

OPP: Huston we had a problem.

DSN: Good to hear from you.

OPP: You have no idea.

So the communications issue is more or less resolved which is awesome. And he’s saved Opportunity. Which makes him even more awesome. All around it’s awesome. Except Isobel still thinks he’s dead which is less than ideal. So he’s in a little trouble on that one. But he would trade everything for her to yell at him. Not that he’s got a lot to trade.

OPP: hey, DSN whose babysitting me tonight?

DSN: SatCom

OPP: no shit

DSN: language

OPP: fuck

OPP: whose babysitting? got a name?

DSN: alex

OPP: i’m michael

DSN: i know

OPP: does this mean i’m super famous? think i can get free fries at the mess?

DSN: no it’s alex. from high school.

Michael is literally on a different planet but he jumps anyway and twists around like he’s being spied on. Alex was a punk kid who, okay, he may have been slightly in love with. But his homophobic dick of a dad ended that. He may have crossed Michael’s mind a few times, but never enough to do something like look him up and see that they worked for the same place. For some reason he feels more comforted by this news than he has by almost anything else. Except maybe that people knew he was alive at all.

OPP: no fucking way. i thought you said you were joining the Air Force.

DSN: i did. then I went to grad school and joined NASA.

OPP: wait SatCom figured out i was alive. was that you?

DSN: yes

DSN: i saw the solar panels were clear

OPP: and you thought that was me?

DSN: i figured even you would clean if your life depended on it.

Michael snorts, it’s not like he’s had much to clean back when he knew Alex. He was living in his truck. But when he thinks about his desk at NASA—okay it is a mess. He can admit that. It blows his mind that Alex has been here the whole time. That Alex figured out he was alive. He tries to reconcile the idea of who he remembers with whoever found him. But all he can picture is the kid who unknowingly saved his life more times than he can count. More times plus one, if he thinks about it. Probably plus more to come, if things keep going this way.

OPP: do you still have that septum ring?

DSN: go to sleep

OPP: come on, do you?

DSN: no

OPP: too bad, I thought it was kind of hot.

DSN: bed, michael

OPP: yes dad

DSN: please do not call me ‘dad’, they are reviewing these

OPP: ok daddy

Captain Isobel Evans reads the message several times to be sure. Then she gathers everyone together. She’s thought she was a good leader this whole time, focusing on getting the crew that was still alive back home even though the only thing she wanted to do was cry over the loss of her crew member. She runs the scenario over and over again. But it remains the same. There was no other choice. Now she doesn’t know what to think when she has to tell them. It’s only Max she looks at when she speaks.

“Michael’s alive.”

Pandemonium erupts from the others but Max stares at her. His own horror and guilt reflect hers. Michael is alive but he’s on another planet. Michael’s alive but who knows for how long. She made the call to leave him, but as the ship’s doctor he made the call that he was probably dead. They are both culpable and innocent, but Isobel blames herself more than anyone. She should have given the order to wait, no matter the risks. They all scramble over to the communications screen. Kyle gets there first because it is, after all, his chair. He refers to it as his ship too. Then again he is the one who flies it.

HRMS: sorry we left you on mars, we just don’t like you that much.

OPP: assholes

OPP: hows the cptn?

HRMS: we’re all good. how are you?

OPP: bored af

OPP: look. boobies ( . Y . )

HRMS: michael!

That night Max sits hunched over in his bunk, arms wrapped around himself. He never should have said that Michael was dead. But he and Isobel have been running over everything. But now it turns out Michael is alive and he can’t fathom what it must be like for him to be back there alone. Did he know that they would learn he was alive? Did he think he would die there a second time and no-one would know? The thoughts are horrible and each occurs to him in rapid succession until he thinks they might drive him crazy.

“Hey,” Liz slips into his pod, “how are you holding up?”

“I told Iz there was no way,” he says, “he’s been there the whole time and i had no idea—“ he stares at her, aware he is asking for answers she doesn’t have, “what if he dies there? How is he going to spend four years there until we launch another mission?”

“He’s going to be fine,” she says, cradling his face in her hands. He ignores the rules, the fraternization line they always dance around and leans into her touch, “he’ll be okay and soon you will laugh about this,” she smiles, “after you buy him all the vodka on earth.”

“I’ll buy him whatever he wants, as long as we get him back.”

OPP: alex

OPP: ALEX

DSN: i’m sorry, Alex has been transferred to SatCon.

OPP: GO GET HIM

Huddled in the Rover, Michael forces his breathing to be steady. He cannot afford for something else to go wrong. Behind him, the HAB stands as a shell, blown when he failed to pressurize it correctly. It broke. He broke it. His crops are gone and he feels like crying. Which is not going to help. He can’t panic. He can’t flip out. He wants Max and Isobel and his pod on the ship that’s getting farther away with each second. Mostly he wants the person on earth whose his lifeline in this. He forces himself to look away from the screen. Maybe Alex is asleep somewhere. Maybe he’s just as fed up with his bullshit as he was in college. Michael grips the chair. No, no he is not giving into his abandonment issues because he’s literally the only person on a planet and his only friend won’t answer the phone. Mars is his planet and he refuses to have them go down like this.

DSN: michael what happened?

“Thank you Martian God,” he breathes

OPP: the hab depressurized

OPP: i’m ok. crops are gone. all of its gone.

DSN: you’re ok. thats the main thing.

OPP: says the guy with seamless at his fingertips

DSN: i told you you were going to have to learn to cook one day

Michael laughs despite everything. And okay maybe it ends in a sob, but just one. Alex throwing shade like they’re texting and this isn’t a life or death situation makes him feel so much better. He knows Alex is probably hyperaware of being watched but he’s still willing to do it. Michael knows it shouldn’t be a big deal but he’s alone on a planet. The only person who can judge him is in a mirror and he sure as hell doesn’t bring one of those on the rover.

DSN: michael are you there?

OPP: i’m there i’m just outraged

OPP: i am an extraordinary boiler

DSN: do i want curly or regular fries with this sandwich?

OPP: asshole

OPP: thanks

DSN: hang in there

Maria Deluca, astrodynamicist extraordinaire figures it out.

She checks her math, swears loudly and breaks her almost new piece of chalk. Guerin is a planet away and he still manages to ruin her love life for at least—ugh—another year. Asshole. Why couldn’t he have just stayed on the ground with Alex like he wanted to? She writes out her calculations and tells the mission heads. Then she does the right thing and hides the info in the latest data dump for the ship, knowing her wife and her bff will figure it out.

That evening she finds Alex in SatCon.

He looks awful and she feels the same annoyance at Guerin. They’ve both slept with him and she might have had feelings for the mop haired cowboy at one point, but Guerin is good at leaving and being so focused on one thing that he fails to see anything else. Like an unhappy boyfriend or girlfriend. She sits next to Alex and hands him a cup of coffee.

“Any word from the space cowboy?”

“His food supplies are ok but the rations are getting to him,” he says, “part of its mental but the rest—“ he shakes his head, “he shouldn’t have to deal with his issues up there.”

Michael was food insecure for most of his childhood. He’s good at functioning on limited calories but he’s also scared of not getting his next meal. The fact that Alex remembers that makes Maria want to hug him. She settles for sighing and shaking her head at the situation. All of NASA has been reading their back and forth. For science. The fact that it reads increasingly like a romance novel is definitely not important. And people definitely aren’t taking sides. She doesn’t have a Team Alex t shirt like some people. Just a baseball cap.

“He’ll be okay,” she says.

Alex nods wordlessly but his eyes are glued to the screen where their communications occur. She nudges him.

“Say hi,” She says.

“I can’t. He needs to focus.”

“You can still say hi,” she says.

“It’s a waste of resources.”

Rolling her eyes at men and their excuses she nudges his chair out of the way and gets at the keyboard.

DSN: hi

“Maria!”

Ten seconds later the reply come.

OPP: hey i was just about to message you

OPP: you miss me that much?

“Maria—“ Alex tries for the keyboard.

DSN: always

Alex grabs it finally.

DSN: adokfjosiaf

OPP: you ok?

DSN: sorry. yes.

OPP: good. i miss you too.

Alex sucks in a breath and Maria grins. It’s almost almost worth another year with her wife. Not quite but almost. Alex gulps and stares at the message. His fingers hover over the keyboard as he hesitates, swamped by an insecurity Maria has seen before. She looks between him and the keyboard, sending every mental signal she has to him.

DSN: keep going and we can see each other again

OPP: dunno, you could always come to Mars

OPP: visit me

DSN: I like earth

OPP: you’re making this song way too relevant

DSN: what are you listening to?

OPP: I would do anything for love

“That is my song,” Maria says, “my song with my wife.”

“She’ll be back soon,” Alex offers.

Maria hates them both.

“This is a mutiny,” Isobel says, “we all need to participate and we all need to agree. Kyle and I know the consequences. We’re military. But the rest of you need to understand this could mean the end of your careers. They might not let any of you fly again,” she says, “it also means another year without your families. There isn’t any shame in wanting to go home. We do it together or not at all.”

“No one gets left behind if we can get them,” Kyle says, “I might be flying this thing but I am still a doctor. Do no harm. I vote we go back.”

“Michael is my brother,” Max says.

“My family is here,” Liz tells them, gripping Max’s hand, “let’s do it.”

“I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” Jenna, their long suffering media relations director says.

“The Hermes is in the middle of an unsanctioned maneuver to slingshot themselves back to Mars using earth’s gravity as an assist.”

“So a mutiny,” she says, “you want me to put out a press release that says a bunch of astronauts turned space pirates have performed a mutiny?”

“Actually it’s Guerin who would asked to be referred to as a space pirate, since he is technically commandeering a vehicular over international territory.”

She sighs. It’s too early for a migraine.

“I hate everyone in this room.”

DSN: michael

DSN: michael update me

DSN: GUERIN

DSN: captain blonde beard, do you copy?

OPP: CBB: i copy. everything’s good

DSN: you are taking this way too far

OPP: CBB: that’s kind of judgmental for someone whose not a space pirate

OPP: CBB: if you were here id make you walk the plank. by that i mean solar panel

DSN: find water and maybe it’ll work

OPP: CBB: i have to starve, become a pirate, now i gotta find water too?

OPP: CBB: anything else?

DSN: come home

OPP: CBB: only because I want to, not because you’re making me

He modified the ship like they tell him but until he’s in there, he doesn’t feel so great about sitting there. Not until his radio crackles to life with the first human voice he’s heard in over a year.

“Guerin, do you copy?”

“Iz!” His voice breaks around the syllable of her name.

“Michael, oh thank god,” she says. Isobel has had her game face on this whole mission, hearing the relief makes the tears break free, “we’re launching you, strap in.”

“Tell Valenti to be careful,” he says.

“I got you, Guerin,” Kyle says, “you ready to come home?”

God that sounds so nice.

“I don’t know, it’s kind of nice having this all to myself,” he chokes out.

“We got you, hang tight.”

He blacks out.

When he comes to, the ship is too far away. He can hear the swearing. It’s bad. He takes a deep breath and refuses to give in to the panic. The side door opens and he sees Isobel coming towards him. Max is on the side of the ship. His family is there.

“I’m going Iron Man,” he says, punching a hole in his hand.

“Michael!”

He aims himself as best he can and propels towards Isobel. She reaches and just when he thinks this isn’t going to work, they collide. They lurch violently to the side but she locks her arms and legs around him and snaps a carabiner to the front of his suit. The lead connecting them snaps taut and for a moment he’s sure it failed. He’s dead in space. But he blinks several time and nothing has changed. The relief shatters him in a way he didn’t know was possible and Isobel lets out the best laugh he’s ever heard in his life.

“I got him!” She calls and everyone erupts into cheers, “I got you,” she says.

“You have terrible taste in music,” he tells her.

They reel them in. The only possible reason he would let go of her is to throw his arms around his brother. Max clutches him and Isobel together as the hatch seals and the chamber pressurizes. Michael collapses against his siblings who take his weight immediately, undoing his helmet. Their voice goes into his ears, no radio or texts. But the first human hands that touch him belong to a friend.

“Mikey!” He’s not even mad about the nickname as she hugs him and then works on getting the suit off him.

“Liz! Get me—“

“On it.”

She gets him out and then Max and Isobel are there. Kyle and Liz fall with them and it’s a big pile of tears and hugs and laughter and snot. He doesn’t care. The pile make their way to the comms to message that they have him. Unwilling to let go of each other even though Michael is very aware that he needs a shower.

CMMND: good work! Come home.

Alex has his last 3AM shift the night before they get back. Maria keeps him company. She suggests that he come with her to the families area but he turns her down. He’s not family. His boss insists he come with him to the command center. He watches the ship land. When he sees Michael pop out, throw down his helmet like he made a touchdown and throw his hands up, he feels like the breath he’s been holding for the six months it’s taken to get back to earth can finally be released. Michael is okay. Everyone is okay. He staggers from the room.

“I’m gonna just—five minutes,” he says. He’s woken up every night certain the news will come in that Michael is dead. He has to go to a second funeral. Michael is fine. He’s dizzyingly exhausted with the thought. He drops onto the couch. It will be hours before he sees him. “Five minutes,” he tells himself and closes his eyes.

He wakes up to the smell of hazelnut coffee.

He opens his eyes, already knowing what he’s going to see. All the ways he thought about this going, Michael crouching there in a NASA onesie with his hair wet and two cups of coffee isn’t it. Alex carefully sits up, afraid that this is a dream. But Michael stays every time he blinks. When he’s sitting, Michael holds out the coffee cup.

“A small token of my—“

Alex throws himself into his arms. The coffee goes flying as Michael bands his arms around him, equally tight. Two years of text messages sent through a Rover and suddenly all of their other senses are flooding with each other. Alex never wants to let go of him and he can feel Michael trembling against him. Their faces are buried in each other necks and he’s never been so glad they are the same height.

“Thank you, thank you,” Michael breathes into his neck and Alex clutches him closer.

“This was all you.”

“It wouldn’t have been if you hadn’t seen me.”

They pull back enough just enough to look at each other, taking in the differences. The reports all say how driven Michael has been with his recovery and Alex has been pushing harder at his own pt. In that moment he doesn’t think that it matters. He doesn’t care what either of them look like or what state they are in. He just wants Michael here. Michael presses his lips together, his eyes dragging to his lips. After everything, there’s something he immediately recognizes.

“You’re not seeing anyone, are you?” He says.

“No, this really infuriating guy named Captain Blonde Beard keeps texting me at 3am.”

Michael is still laughing when he kisses him.

This, Alex thinks, is more than worth the wait.

#michael guerin #alex manes #malex fic #malex fanfic #roswell new mexico #roswell nm fanfic #isobel evans #max evans #liz ortecho #max x liz #maria deluca #isobel x maria #kyle valenti #Jenna cameron

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teamkaiforever · 8 years ago

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MISTAKES – PART II

Kai Parker x Reader word count: 4 567 summary: continues the story from part I … * gif by me _________________________________________

Kai sat by her bedroom door all night, listening in to what was happening inside. Every time he heard her sob his heart broke all over again and he wanted so desperately to make it right; to wrap his arms around her, comfort her and see her smile… He was willing to do just about anything to make that happen. Though something troubled him very much – what she had said earlier about how he had apologized about everything but the thing she was upset about. As much as he tried to figure it out, the only thing that popped in his mind was linking Elena and Bonnie together, but that didn’t seem right. If it was about her friends, she would’ve told him which meant he had hurt her on a more personal level.

Around 3AM, after he was sure she was asleep, he flicked his wrist and slipped inside her bedroom. He wasn’t sure what he had expected to see inside – maybe broken picture frames or tossed clothes everywhere. What he saw however was completely different. Y/N had curled up on the bed hugging something and even in the darkness he could see her eyes were reddish and puffy. As he took a step towards her, he couldn’t help but smile for a second. His girl was hugging his sweatshirt, holding onto it as if her life depended on it.

A sigh left his lips and he leaned over her, gently brushing his fingers against her cheek. Instantly her heartbeat changed and his lips curled into a smile. “I am so sorry, Y/N. I ruined everything and I will never forgive myself for hurting you like this. But I will make it right. I promise”

_________________________________________

Sunrays seeping through the curtains woke her up. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and for one blissful second she forgot everything that had happened the day before. She forgot how it had taken a second for one of her biggest dreams about her future to come crumbling down; about the tears she had shed, how her heart had been broken and her life had turned upside down in a blink of a eye… and then it all came rushing back, hitting her like a speeding truck. Her heart sank so low it felt as if it had gone through the mattress and the floor all the way to the basement. Her eyes quickly filled with tears but also, she couldn’t help but smile for a second… Because, yes, Kai had majorly screwed up and that hour she had thought he was gone had felt as if someone had thrown her in the deepest pits of Hell… but he was alive. He wasn’t gone. She hadn’t lost him even though she had lost something else and the emptiness in her heart only seemed to grow in that moment.

Y/N pushed off her blanket, not remembering when she had covered herself with it, and sat in her bed. Her feet found their way in her panda slippers while she tucked in Kai’s sweatshirt under her pillow before getting up and pulling a new set of clothes to change in. Not having him with her in the night had been so painful only thing that had helped her calm down and fall asleep had been hugging his shirt. Surely it would’ve been easier to open the door and let him inside because there was no doubt in her mind he had spent the night there. But no. Not until he realises what he had done.

When she opened the door, Kai was standing there just about to knock by the looks of it. His eyes were red and puffy with dark circles under them as if he hadn’t slept at all and she couldn’t help but notice he looked as broken as she felt. For a split second their eyes met she almost jumped into his arms.

“Morning.” he said quietly, not taking his eyes off hers. “I was just about t-to knock. Can we talk? Please, I need you to listen to me. You always listen to me and try to understand why I’ve done what I’ve done. Plea–”

“Talk.”

Y/N pushed her way past him and headed down the stairs towards the kitchen with him on her tail. They made their way to the living room and she stopped almost immediately. He had made breakfast or more likely a small feast prepared for her, though the last thing she felt like doing was eating. Y/N wasn’t sure she even wanted to be awake in that moment. Being conscious hurt a lot more than the dream world her sub-conscience had created for her last night. For a second she glanced at him, wiped her runny nose with the back of her hand and without a word sat on the couch and when Kai sat next to her, she scooted away from him. A sigh left his lips and he tried to touch her hand but she pulled away.

“I got you something.” he pulled out a small paper bag. “Your phone was broken so I got you a new one. And since your memory card was intact, I took the liberty of putting it in.” he passed her the bag but she refused to take it and in the end, he left it on the couch between them. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. I should’ve been honest and tell you I was going to the wedding. That I was planning on using magic to create an illusion spell and trick everyone into thinking I was dead so we can leave. Y/N, you have to know, I never meant to hurt you in any way. I was trying to protect you –”

“And where did that get you?”

“Not where I wanted to.” he muttered. Y/N scoffed and started to get up when he gripped her wrist and pulled her back to the couch. “I shouldn’t have let Lilly Salvatore talk me into linking Elena and Bonnie either.”

“Wait. That’s what happened? It was her idea?”

Kai nodded. “I can’t undo the spell now. My death made it permanent and I know you are upset about it… but somehow, I don’t think that’s the think you are upset with me about. But I am still very sorry.”

“You are right. It’s not.” she held her voice firm, barely able to keep it from breaking. “Is that it?”

“I um – there is something else. “ he swallowed hard. “Tyler bit me… and I could’ve died all over again but I um, I can heal myself … siphoning the magic away. I should’ve told you that last night and I am really sorry and wait – where are you going?”

“College.“ Y/N took a cup with coffee and made her way up the stairs. Secrets… lies… it was all too much for her in that moment and being around him after everything.

“It’s spring break.” he got up after her. “What would you be doing there now?”

“Dropping out.” she stopped in the middle before turning towards him. “Kai, when I get here –” she took a short breath, nervously running her fingers through her hair. “—I want you gone. I need some time alone to figure things out and you being here is not helping.”

“You are breaking up with me?” he climbed up the stairs two at a time until he was standing barely a few inches from her. “But—you love me. You s-said –” he sighed, longing gazing into her eyes. “I don’t understand. Y/N, please, don’t do this. Without you there wouldn’t be a reason for me to go on.”

“Kai –”

“I love you. I love you more than you can even imagine. More than I can understand or put into words.” he pleaded. “I’ll do anything just –“

“I don’t want you here when I come back.” she blinked back tears, trying hard to keep her voice firm. “I need time –”

“What does that mean?”

Y/N put her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it for a moment before awkwardly pulling away. “It means I need time to think. A day, or a week. I’ll call you. Until then – keep your distance.” she climbed to the top and stopped, glancing at him. “Don’t leave town without me, please.”

“I won’t.” he called after her. “But you shouldn’t drop out of college. It’s a rash decision. You are upset and you are not thinking clearly –”

“Stop telling me what to do!” she snapped. “You don’t get a say anymore.”

“I only want what’s best for you!”

“Really?” she snapped. “So that’s why you lied and got someone else beheaded to make sure everything is perfect for your illusion spell. Who was that by the way? Another innocent that got hurt in your ‘protecting my girl’ plan?”

“Who’s to say he didn’t had it coming?” he blurted out without thinking.

Y/N shook her head, placing her hand on her forehead for a moment. “I don’t think you understand how bad you’ve gotten. You are acting like the old you aga –”

“What do you care!!?!” he snapped back. “You just broke up with me. I am not your problem anymore.”

“Kai –” she started, watching him walk down the stairs.

Kai grabbed his jacket from the clothes rack and put his hand on the doorknob and took a breath. “I thought you were the one who got me. The only one who truly loved or gave a damn about me, I guess I was wrong. –” he shook his head and opened the door, vanishing from sight a few seconds later.

Y/N sat at the top of the stairs, leaving her coffee cup next to her and dropped her head in her hands. A couple tears escaped her eyes but she didn’t care enough to wipe them away. “But I do love you –” she whispered starring at the open door. “– more than anything.”

TWO WEEKS LATER

Y/N opened her eyes and pushed the blanket off her head, slipped her feet into her panda slippers and headed downstairs to make herself some coffee and something to eat… not that she was hungry. Her appetite had caught an air plane and went to a happier place the past couple of days. As much as it pained her to admit it – Kai had been right about her dropping out that day. In a way she would’ve done it anyways because leaving with him would’ve meant starting anew… but now she wasn’t sure what was going to happen between her and the man of her dreams nor what she should do. No one ever warned her that falling in love, being in love with someone would be both champagne and rainbows but also hurt like Hell. Like literal Hell. However, spending so many days away from Kai had helped her calm down a little and see things a little clearer. He really was keeping his distance like she had asked him to, which in truth bothered her and made her stomach tie to a nervous knot. Either he was respecting her wishes or… he had left town without her, breaking his promise.

Early morning sun lit up the kitchen when she got downstairs. For a moment she stopped at the door, bracing herself against the door frame. Her eyes fluttered closed and she could almost feel his breath on her neck, how his hands slid around her waist holding her towards him. But she knew it was all in her head, a trick of her imagination to help her cope with pushing away the person she loved the most. Y/N sighed, ran her fingers through her hair and started on the pot with coffee and breakfast whisking while blankly starring at what she was doing. Her thoughts and emotions were running wild and all she wanted was to call him, to hear his voice … to see him and his gorgeous ocean blue eyes she loved getting lost in. But every time she was about to tap the icon with his name on her phone her mind went blank. Every second away from him hurt more than the last, if that was even possible and she wondered if maybe she had made a mistake that night and the morning after. They could’ve left town, dealt with things somewhere else… together, not alone. Instead the heartbreak kept going on and on just like her actions in the kitchen and before she realized it, there was enough food for at least a dozen people prepared – waffles, pancakes and even a batch with cupcakes.

Y/N poured herself a large cup with coffee and leaned against the counter when the doorbell rang. Almost running towards the door, trying hard not to spill her cup, she made her way through the living room feeling a spark of hope that maybe just maybe that was Kai. That he had put the pieces together or had broken to pieces just like her, realising they can’t be apart. Though when the door swung open her hopes died just as fast as they had been born.

“Caroline? What are you doing here?” she said when her friend tackled her with a hug. “Wow easy. You are spilling my coffee.”

“Sorry.” smiled her friend apologetically and took a couple of steps inside, heading straight into the living room. That’s when Y/N noticed the dozen paper shopping bags. “You’ve been stuck in this house for two weeks. I came to see how you are – and my guess is hungry which is perfect because you look like a ghost, as if you might dissolve into atoms at any moment. How long haven’t you eaten?”

“I’m just not hungry. I’m stressed, broken, wrecked… my future slipped through my fingers.” she paused, glancing out the window. “I might stop at the soup kitchen later. Do some good for others. What’s with the bags?”

“Damon is really sorry for what he did.”

“I’m sure he is.” Y/N took a sip of coffee, glancing at Kai’s favorite spot on the comfy chair. “I’m sure Kai is… would be too, if he was here.”

Caroline placed the bags on the couch. “And those are gifts… for you.”

“And I am not taking a bribe from Damon the self-serving psychopath.” added Y/N.

“It’s not a bribe. You are starting anew which means new wardrobe, new everything.” said her friend enthusiastically. Caroline pulled out a light blue sundress to show her and sighed watching Y/N’s confused expression, her gaze drifting to the sweatshirt she was wearing which was definitely not hers. “This has to go –” she took a step towards her.

Y/N held out her hand. “S-stop. Caroline, I don’t need a new wardrobe or new anything. I need… a - a time machine to take me back to the time when I could actually have a family with the person I love, to have his kids and grow old with him. You know, away from this insanity where I don’t have to wake up every morning asking myself ‘is this the day some vampire is going to eat me’.”

“You can still have a family, kids and grow old with someone.” Caroline reminded her. “There is someone out there waiting for you. And you won’t be heartbroken forever. One day you will wake up and you would’ve moved on without realizing.”

Y/N took a step away from her, sat on the couch and took a sip of her coffee when she felt something warm to hot burn on her chest. Instantly she shot up and glanced at the shirt. “N-no. That was the only thing of him I had left… I –”

Caroline took a step towards her. “Maybe that’s a sign. Maybe –”

“Caroline –” started Y/N, “I know you are trying to help but… don’t. There are no words, no gifts… absolutely nothing that can make up for what I am going through at the moment. I know what’s best for me and – ” she paused, looking around. “D-did you hear that? Sounded like… Did I leave my bedroom window open?!”

“No. I didn’t hear a thing.” Caroline walked into the kitchen for a second, popping her head through the door a moment later with a plate with cupcakes in her hands. “May I? Your cupcakes look and taste incredible –”

Y/N glanced out the window. For a moment she thought she saw something or someone moving in the bushes, but as well it might’ve been her neighbour’s cat or a stray dog. “Be my guest.”

_________________________________________

Y/N laid in her bed starring at the ceiling. Another sleepless night because she just refused to fall asleep. Every night nightmares would torment her or more like one themed nightmare that kept playing on repeat and no matter what she tried, there was no way to shake it off. Her eyes closed for a second and flashes of images from different dreams played behind her eyelids – Kai at the wedding, killing himself then Damon killing him while she stood there helpless unable to do anything; Kai’s heart being ripped out right before her eyes. Losing Kai had always been her biggest fear and now with him being gone, things had spun out of control.

A sigh left her lips and she covered her face with her palms when the sounds of someone banging on the door downstairs reached her through the open bedroom door. Quickly she got up and glanced at the clock – a little after midnight.

“Coming.” she rubbed her eyes, tripping over one of the bags Caroline had insisted to leave in her house. “Damn it…” she cursed under her breath, hearing the knocks on the door get more persistent and she ran towards it, unlocking it.

As soon as the door swung open all air got pulled out of her lungs. Barely a step away from her stood Kai. His clothes were semi torn and covered with blood. His skin was so pale it was almost white, sweat drops covered his forehead and on his neck, there was a still bleeding wound with black veins spreading. His hand was braced against the doorframe and when he looked up at her, his lips curled into a faint smile.

“H-hi –” he said weakly. “C-can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course.” she stepped aside, catching him just as he was about to fall. “What happened to you?”

Kai glanced at her, meeting her eyes for a second and attempted to smile but instead a painfiled groan left his lips. How was he to tell her that earlier that night every suppressed emotion from the past few days had fought its way back to the surface and he had lashed out at a werewolf pack in the woods on a full moon. They had lashed out back at him and he had just given up fighting back until the alpha had shown up, forcing the others to step down. Laying on the ground starring at the night sky a dozen images of their first date together under the stars by Wickery Bridge popped up into his mind. Y/N’s smile, the way her eyes had sparked; her laugh echoing and her hands hooking around his neck before her lips met with his; how he had pulled her towards him and had tossed her under him on the blanket… He had to tell he how sorry he was, to see her again. One last time before he lets himself die, giving her the chance to move on and be happy. Because that’s all he wanted – for her to be happy, even if that wasn’t with him.

Y/N swung his arm over her shoulders, wound her arm around his waist and helped him over to the couch, quickly running towards the door to close it and pull the curtains. She knelt down next to him and pressed her palm on his forehead. It was almost as if he had a fever but she knew better. Carefully she pulled his shirt up feeling a lump get stuck in her throat. There wasn’t just a bite on his neck – a couple bullet holes were spread all over his chest including two not too far away from his heart and on his abdomen, there was a large cut from where blood kept finding its way out. Black veins spreading from it meaning the blade must’ve been laced with werewolf toxin. Why hadn’t he siphoned the bite away and healed himself? she wondered.

“Kai?” she said softly, gently brushing her palm against his cheek. “Hey, open your eyes. I need you to open your eyes okay. Please.”

Weakly his eyes fluttered open and he looked at her with eyes filled with pain, tears and something else she couldn’t quite place in her panicked state. A small smile showed on her face seeing he was conscious and the corners of his mouth twitched too. Purple/black veins flickering under his eyes but she didn’t flinch. Or scream or run away.

“What happened? Why haven’t you healed?”

“T-there is no rea-son for me t-to heal.” he said quietly, looking into her eyes.

“What? Why would you say that? Kai, please. You have to siphon it or you will die.”

“No.” he shook his head. “I don’t deserve to keep living after everything I did. After everything I took away from you. I can’t forgive myself.”

Kai sat at the bottom of the stairs listening to Caroline talk with Y/N, literally feeling his heart being ripped out of his chest. How hadn’t he realized what he had done all this time?! His answer had been right there all this time, right before his eyes… there had been nights where she’d say a thing like ‘can you imagine how cute our son would be?’; or that time they had watched UP and she had cried in the first few minutes saying how growing old with him would be a dream and that this is all she could ever want out of life. For them to have their own small family and grow old together. All those little comments he had let through his ears, hearing but not listening to her. No wonder she had been so upset with him. All she had ever wanted had been to have a family after losing hers in a fire not too long before they had met. And now… by turning into a vampire he had taken away what she wanted most – a family. He wanted to give her the world and had thought as a heretic he’d be able to, and now he could give her everything but the thing she wanted most.

A tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, swallowing hard. He wanted so badly to go to her, to wrap his arms around her, to tell her he had been there with her the entire time, watching over her… too scared to appear before her, thinking she’d kick him out. To apologize and make it right, but he knew there was no apology in the world that could compensate for what he had done. Nothing he could do or say would fix things between them or make her pain any less.

A sigh left his lips and as quietly as possible he headed up the stairs and jumped out through her bedroom window into the bushes in the backyard before jumping the small fence leading to the street.

“What? No, heal!” she raised her voice, tears threatening to start streaming down her face at any moment while she watched his chest raising barely with every breath he took. “Please –”

“No.” he opened his eyes. “I just had to s-see you, t-to tell you t-that –”

Y/N gripped his wrist and put it over the wound on his neck. “Siphon it away.“

“Y/N –” he said quietly, intertwining their fingers together. “I have to tell you –”

“You can tell me later. Heal.” she demanded, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Please –”

“I was such an idiot to –” he coughed. “– to do this to you. To break your h-heart and take away your d-dream of having a f-family with me. I’ve been so selfish because I love you. I – I love you and – I wanted so badly to spend eternity with you.” he coughed again. “Instead I lost you the n-night of the w-wedding and af-ter everything I k-know you stopped loving me.” he groaned in pain. “I just w-wanted us to be h-happy. To see your eyes, y-your smile completing my w-wolrd. I w-anted so badly for you to be h-happy and I ruined everything –”

“You idiot.” she smiled through tears. “How can you think I could ever stop loving you? I love you more than anything. You are my life, my future, Kai. You and me … we can get through anything together. Just heal. Please.”

“Y-you are better off w-without me. Y-ou should listen to your friends and m-move on…but I w-wanted you t-to know how s-sorry I am. I –”

Y/N pressed her lips against his, gently caressing his forehead while his eyes fluttered closed. “I forgive you. I forgive you.” she waited for him to respond, to say something when she realized he had stopped breathing. “Kai? Don’t you dare leave me. Kai! Wake up!” she shook his shoulders. “Wake up! Please –” she cried. “Please –”

“Hey. Hey wake up.“ came Kai’s voice as if from a fog.

Y/N’s eyes fluttered open and instinctively she tried to push away the person shaking her shoulders. Then she realized it was him and the relief flooding her body nearly made her lose consciousness. Kai smiled at her and pulled her into his arms, rubbing gentle circles on her back. Her arms wrapped around him so tightly if she was a vampire she probably would’ve crushed his ribs. Y/N scooted even closer to him on the bed but as much as she tried to calm down, it just wasn’t possible. This nightmare kept haunting her, taking her back in time to the moment he had nearly died before her eyes and every time a piece of her died thinking how she had been this close to losing him forever because of her mistake. Because she had pushed him away…

“Again?” he asked. Y/N only hummed between sobs. “It’s been months. Why does this keep tormenting you?“

“Y-you almost di-ed because of m-me.” she sobbed. “I never c-could’ve lived with m-myself if something had h-happened and you–”

Kai gently kissed her forehead, brushing away a strand of hair from her face. “It wasn’t your fault–”

“But it was.“ she said quietly, feeling his thumb wipe away a tear from her cheek before he tilted her chin up, gazing into her eyes. “I almost lost you again, I –

“It wasn’t.” he said softly. “And I am here, we –” he intertwined their fingers together, playing with the wedding ring on her finger. “– are together because you saved me that night. Giving CPR to a vampire.” his lips curled into a small smile and gently brushed his palm against her cheek, resting his forehead on hers. “I am here … and I am not going anywhere. I promise.” _________________________________________

MASTERLIST - SMUT MASTERLIST - FLUFF

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shrimpcache · 4 years ago

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Journal 3, 6/28/21

this time, from italy!

Its been a good, good time. I dont have to worry about anything; nothing exists here that must be dealt with immediately lest we face dire consequences. Ive been thinking it these weeks, but it just seems that life moves a lot slower where i am. I dont want to romanticize a country im only visiting, as i dont know the problems they face and the troubles they have to work around, but at least from my perspective, life here seems to be a life id enjoy living more. Perhaps if it wasnt so hot id change my name and move here. or maybe france, since i know more french...or sweden? Somewhere not north carolina, somewhere where the people are nice, somewhere where i feel i can be something. in north carolina, i am no one. I went to school and my teachers have already forgotten me, or they will soon. I was never enough to get attention; never good enough, never loud enough, and i could have been something to someone if anyone tried to spend the time to let me. But my melancholy of my perpetual lostness in the place meant to be my home isnt what i want to talk about; it’s always there, in the back of my head, and at least for now it can stay that way.

The buildings here are beautiful. Smooth stone with vibrant oranges and pinks and greens. The shutters here, solid wood, nearly all of them a rich and heavy brown, are real and they serve a purpose. During the day, the shutters stay closed as to let what little cool there is stay trapped inside, and to keep the burning rays of the sun out. The sun sets around 9:30, and by july, it’ll still be light past 11. But the wind between the buildings in the cobbled town is cool, and the water is spring fed, and a freezing mountain river runs down just a few minutes down the road. The mountains in the distance are lined with white, highlighted on their ridges and valleys, and the runoff over the rocks of the river is crystal blue. if it weren’t so frigid, it would be idyllic.

We stayed in venice for two days, and there was barely any tourists in sight. Few travellers due to covid meant the streets were bearable, and the shade from all the buildings and the wind from the grand canal made for great weather. Though, its only been reinforced in my mind that any beautiful street turns terrifying at night. So much safety in my head relies on the presence of a crowd; the thought that if i screamed, someone would hear, and people would come running. We went to these two italian boys’ house, and left at 3am after smoking some hash and drinking, but I felt completely sober as we made the 20 minute trek home through empty streets. It felt more claustrophobic with no one there, like my vision had suddenly closed up and the streets ceased to be connected. When i turned around out of precaution, there was a figure there. I also dont know why ive turned on my writers brain, but something about being here and not writing for however many months has me wanting to wax poetic.

Anyways. Here begins my scary story! If anyone besides me reads this, tw for sexual harassment.

So. theres a male figure behind us. We have our arms linked, both of us women under 5′5 and under 140 pounds, with alcohol and THC in our brains. I couldn’t feel either when i saw the guy. I tend to be paranoid, no matter what; when we were going to join the previous boys for a smoke, the whole time i wondered if these streets would close behind us, and they would remember how much we drank and the way we stumbled. But they were fine. We turned down a road to avoid the man behind us, and to my horror, it was a dead end. So we sat, and we waited silently, my friend holding her full metal waterbottle as a baton should someone round the corner to find us. We listened; footsteps echo through stone walls easily, so we assumed we’d hear when he passed. Silence for a minute. We continued.

He had waited. He was looking down at his phone, and when we reemerged, walking quickly, he resumed. After seeing the way we rushed, trying to leave him behind, desperately paying attention to google maps (without wifi, without service. No one was in reach), he called, “sorry! Sorry! im not trying to scare you guys! Sorry!”

we didn’t care. we stopped, and said, “Okay, then you can pass us.”

instead, he stopped to talk, saying we didn’t have to be afraid because he was gay (i dont think he was gay.) He said, “as my sorry for scaring you guys, i can walk you to the rialto!”

we didn’t say where our hotel was, just that we needed to get to the rialto bridge. for some reason, we didn’t say no, we know how to get there. Maybe we both had the thought that it was better to have a strange man than no man at all; the united states engrained in us that women alone are women in danger. and we felt in danger. As we walked, we tried to make conversation so that we didnt seem so afraid. We were gay too, our parents are the floor above us in the hotel (they werent. they were on another island), that they were waiting for us. Saying we’re gay too was a mistake, perhaps, because he took the inch as if it were a mile.

He started by saying he liked when women peg him. That he likes in it in the ass. We nod along, uncomfortable, not changing the subject for some reason. He stops after a while. We move through plazas, passing a few people, a group of police, heading towards the grand canal. I have my phone checking for dead ends the entire time. If he didnt want to scare us, why would he start talking about sexual things so much? that he liked girls who use strap ons? did he think liking anal made him gay? he was skinny, and my friend would flash her pseudo baton every time he stepped to close. we could easily beat him, but we didnt want that to happen.

We were close to the bridge when he asked my friend if he could come to our hotel and she would fuck him with a strap on. We both said NO, she said i dont have one. he said that she could just use her fingers. In my head, an escalation had occurred. It had gone from talking about his sexual preferences to revealing that he wanted one of us to do that to him; that he wanted something from us. that he was thinking about her fucking him. that we were suddenly involved in his desires that we hadn’t wanted any part of. It was my last straw. We quickened our pace, and i waved and said “We know where we are now. You can make your way back home, thanks for walking us!” and we left. we did everything but sprint; we went to our hotel and i could feel adrenaline under my skin, still buzzing. It made me feel sick. A few minutes later we agreed it had been sexual harrassment, talking like that to us when we spoke nothing of it, after he had approached us in a dark alley in a country we dont speak the language of. When i think about it i still feel gross.

But other than that, its been a great time! end of this journal for now, i have tax documents to attend to. oh what weird memories im getting here.

#journal #journal 6/28/21

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davidchill · 7 years ago

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Luna’s Holiday, That Book, and Davina McCall.

I’ve been without my pooch for almost a week - but I’m looking forward to our reunion on Friday. In her absence, I’m rattling around in this house with nobody to talk to, so I’m taking a breather from my work and my book to write an important blog. Yes, that’s allowed. And I’ll come back to That Book in a moment.

It’s mental health awareness week, so I wanted to share my two penneth. In the hope that it might help someone… and maybe even help people to understand.

People often scoff when I tell them that I let Luna watch Coronation Street, but, truth be told, that’s one of the few shows that raise awareness of mental health. Also, Luna absolutely loves the meerkats. And the cat in the opening titles. Quite recently a popular male character took his own life, but the story was handled in a very sensitive way. Some people lambasted the storyline, saying that he’d not exhibited “signs” of being depressed - but that’s exactly what the story was trying to highlight. A lot of people with depression don’t wear their feelings on their sleeve. They’re not going to come into work every day and start sobbing at their desk, they’re more likely to be quiet, affable - and crack the occasional joke. To the outside world they’re as happy as the infamous Larry, without a care in the world - because they can’t talk about their problems or bring themselves to talk. It’s STILL a huge stigma in men of a certain age, and it really shouldn’t be. We’re told to “man up” or “cheer up” or “shut up and get on with it” when that’s the last thing one should do. A gentleman of a bygone era might tell you they cycled fifty miles to work every day, in a blizzard, with a broken leg - therefore people of today should do the same thing.

Back to Corrie; I always identify with characters who suffer with anxiety and depression. Yes, I saw the signs in the weeks leading up to the character’s suicide. The crestfallen stares into the middle distance… hiding away in the house… putting bills to one side in the hope they’ll go away…

Thankfully, I’ve not lost any friends as a direct result of depression - but a few friends have gone off the radar over the years. Especially in the past year. One minute you’re exchanging messages or amiable chat and then, suddenly, it’s almost like a switch goes and no matter how much you try and reach out or attempt to be affable, they become very standoffish and matter-of-fact. It would be easy to file such people under “rude” or “cold” but so many people are fighting private battles that we know nothing about.

For the record, if I’ve ever been aloof with anyone I can only apologise. And if anyone ever wants to open up about their struggles then I am always here to lend an ear. Social media can be a very cold place at times, and it’s easy to simply ignore people - but I think it’s important to think how you’d feel if you were constantly ignored by someone who cares for you and only wants to be kind.

In the past few years a couple of things have consumed my life. My dog and my book about my dog. The eagle-eyed amongst you might spot a link there...

In 2016, when I set up my crowdfunding page, the plan was to write a book based on life with my dog. Now this isn’t an excuse, because I don’t need an excuse... but sometimes in life things don’t go to plan. I had absolutely no idea that I’d be forced to sell my home the following year, and all the palaver that entailed. Let’s be honest... most days I could barely afford to eat properly and I owed family/friends around £5,000 so when my bank loan fell through, the only possible way of getting people off my back (and enjoying an occasional meal) was to sell my home. But that was my own fault for spending too many years working for a pittance and spending beyond my means. It’s important to have a “nest egg” and now, if I fell into financial hardship again, I wouldn’t have that “safety net” and it’d be game over.

In the days after I emerged from that gruelling home sale and being “between homes” my anxiety had reached dizzy new heights... I was being asked “Where’s this book?” Or “How’s this book coming along?” And I tried to explain that things had gone off the rails…

Until this very day, and despite sending a number of updates out to the backers - I don’t hear from someone for months and then they pop up with “How’s the book?” Or “This book better be good!” or “Yawn! Still waiting for this book!”

Such pressure always works wonders for my anxiety.

No, I can’t blame people for being curious or even vexed, but my mental well being had to come first. The book is already way over budget, so to those who donated less than £20 - you’re getting an absolute bargain. Perhaps I should split the book into two books (it’s big enough) but I simply can’t afford to publish two editions, so people will get one lengthy book.

I’m not J.K Rowling, or someone who’s being paid to write novels. So I don’t have the luxury of saying; “Today I can sit in my office and write for 10 hours.” Last week I had to juggle the book with Luna, two websites, two logo designs and delivering 800 magazines in four days.

If I was constantly popping up on social media, posting photos of my lunch, I’d understand people getting rattled about me not writing the book. It’s just irksome when, after getting up in the morning and working through until 2 or 3am, I post something [unrelated to the book] on Twitter or Facebook only to receive a dig about not writing the book. Yes, I know it’s probably “banter” but at times it comes across as passive aggression.

Yes, I’m on it. The book consumes me 24/7.

Luna’s been in Southwold since last Friday (at least one of us gets a holiday) as I found juggling the book, the dog, and multiple work deadlines was probably going to drive me to a breakdown.

Taking Luna to Southwold for a holiday while I remain home in Cambridgeshire might sound excessive. But there are few places I trust with my dog… and it actually worked out less expensive (plus I get a very brief bit of sea air too). There’s no way I can afford a holiday myself - so this was the best compromise.

Also, when I get comments like; “Try having kids!” or the extended remix… “Try two kids, three dogs, and the ex wife!” I generally shake my head.

Guys, this isn’t Top Trumps.

Anxiety and depression is utterly exhausting, and when you’re alone with a high maintenance dog, people constantly on your back about something and work deadlines then, at times, things can just get a bit much.

For years I’ve had “Where’s my money?” and now it’s “Where’s my book?” so, rest assured, there’s not a soul on this Earth who wants this book out sooner than me. It’s not going to be out in time for Comic Con on the 25th, but I still have high hopes for going to print at the end of May/ early June.

If often feels like I’ve become second to the book. I’m sure if I was hospitalised, I’d wake up in my bed to hear someone say; “Right, time to crack on with that book!” God forbid anything should happen to Luna. “At least now you can focus on the book...”

So please, before you feel the need to give me stick about the book, ask yourself a question; Is this comment really necessary?

I’ve reached a point now where I don’t actually care if this book is loved or loathed. I’ve poured my heart and soul into it, and that’s really all I can do.

I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who’s just trusted me enough to get on with it in peace. Even if it receives negative feedback, it’s been the most therapeutic endeavour of my life, and has, quite possibly, saved my mind. Perhaps my life. Every day I thank God for blessing me with a sense of humour.

Oh, and please spare me any complaints about the language. There’s nothing in there that the average 12-year-old hasn’t heard in the playground. I never, ever, swear on social media, and if a word is used (very sparingly) it’s only for comedic effect.

Finally, Davina McCall…

Early last year I was asked to appear on This Time Next Year, with Davina McCall. To this day I don’t know why, but I was selected from hundreds of people… application form, telephone interview, Skype meeting that was recorded and sent to the bigwigs at ITV… and suddenly I was sitting on the sofa, in front of a live studio audience, with Davina McCall.

The second series has just aired on ITV, but I filmed for the third series, which is presumably coming later this year. However, my interview isn’t being broadcast. They film around 100, but with only six episodes per series they can only broadcast around 30 interviews.

Davina’s lovely, and we chatted a bit about Luna and how my anxiety has held me back in life. Although coming through those doors to face the live studio audience was perhaps the most terrifying experience of my life. I was on last too - so I sat in the green room for about five hours before walking out to meet Davina. At the time I was battling to clear my debt while wishing to keep my home, get the book out, etc… but from the beginning the producers wanted to focus more on my [lack of] love life. In the end it became something that I wasn’t entirely comfortable with… and I think me finding a girlfriend within the year would have been a very tall order. What with everything else. Also, on reflection, I hope looking back at the interview wasn’t awkward for Davina, because she told me how she met her husband on a dog walk… and at the time they were still together. Like I said earlier; sometimes “life” just takes us to places that we never expect. Still, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m thankful for the opportunity.

In summery; Please try to reach out to someone today. It’s especially easy for single people to fall off the radar and be forgotten about. Talk to them. Invite them for coffee. Go on a dog walk together. They won’t bite! Unless they have a particularly “bitey” dog.

Something as simple as sending a message saying “How are you?” takes seconds (unless you have particularly large fingers) and could even save a life. Sure, you could say “It’s not my problem” or “Someone else will do it” but if everyone took that stance then the suicide rate would go through the roof.

Above all; be kind. It won’t cost you anything.

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