#hoo boy let's go

[ofgeography]

okay so i'm rereading a bunch of the wizard of oz books, more or less because i stumbled on a collection that was very beautifully bound & i like to buy myself whatever i want all the time regardless of my financial health, and guys i think dorothy & ozma were gay for each other and also that maybe oz was like. a socialist utopia

[sodamnbored]

Catching Up

Thalia: So what happened after Juno took you? Where did you go? Were you safe, happy?

Jason, uncomfortably brushing her off: Well, it’s a long story and kind of a bummer haha. You don’t wanna hear that right now.

Thalia, softly: Jason, I’ve waited thirteen years to hear your sad stories.

[aficionadoenthusiast]

i sincerely hope that will's casting looks as much like walker as possible so that the 'not his type' jokes finally die and everybody realizes percy isn't his type not because of hair color or any other physical attribute but simply because nico has outgrown that part of his life and has to let go of it in order to move on. like. please recognize it for the literary symbolism it is. it is important to me that y'all realize this.

[professorspork]

not my wife and I having an hours-long long distance conversation about wicked where, almost simultaneously, we go "well if Glinda's ace it makes PERFECT sense that--" and then start finishing each other's sentences

everyone time to open your third eye

[coochie-sniffer3000]

big art dump because i haven’t been posting my art very much… tee hee hee (the pics miiiiight be outa order if you’re in mobile?? irdk we’ll see)

girlbound au thingalings (self explanatory):

oc crap 😈😈

and misc things 😇 (including aus and some ness smash alt redesigns)

[blackbearmagic]

My new museum job sent out the schedule for next week.

For my first two days, I'm down to shadow a specific part in one of their biggest tours. ("Biggest" in the sense of staff involvement, length, and popularity.) On my third day, I'm down as doing the part with someone watching me. On my fourth day, it's just me.

Ground, running, hit it, got it.

[reddamselette]

at a skating rink and i thought about valgrace so

valgrace except leo is a pro skater. he can spin around and practically just dance while on wheels but jason? he cannot skate for the life of him.

so leo takes jason’s hands, tells him to bend his knees and find a balance, to find a rhythm in the music and just let go; feel it. jason does, of course, after they skate in their third circle because in reality, he’s been distracted by leo and his bright smile. jason catches the way leo sways to the beat, mouths the lyrics if he knows the songs but brown irises are kept on him, forever him.

it’s in that moment, jason falls in love with leo.

[ihaveforgortoomany]

CN POSTER for 2.6 lets GO

Edit:

(Uh theories and speculation later - FUCK I HAVENT DONE LOPERAS STORY SHIT)

[jumbledbee]

doodles !

[dyinghere]

rtgame daniel spotted in Kill Six Billion Demons

[heavensincarnate1111]

as absolutely hysterical this is i can’t help but think if i was percy in this situation id literally pull an orpheus and bring luke back to cause another war against the gods

[the-face-in-the-mirror]

I cannot express how LOUD I squealed the moment I scrolled down and saw Zeldris' rewrite after months of being away from Tumblr and I legit cannot praise you enough for the absolutely delicious serving. You did that man justice in the best ways possible!

And of course, I LOVED what you did with Margaret and Veronica along with Gilthunder, Guila, and Jericho! They're absolutely stunning and love the more roles they play in here.

And Helbrim- (I cannot for the life of me remember how the hell to spell this guy's name, he always eludes me. So I just spell it however it sounds like to me) -and his added lore actually brings home the angst! And adds more world building. I love it!

Zedris and Guila have to be my favorite rewrites, I love their designs that I just stared at them for a good solid 30 minutes just taking it all in!

Now then, for me questions in this rather jumbled up and messy ask; Is the Boar Hat changed at all? What kind of role does Hawk and his mom have in this rewrite, is it roughly the same? Or are they taken out completely?

Apologies for the rather jumbled writing, I don't have time to edit it all neatly so sorry if something doesn't quite make sense.

OMG, it's so good to hear from you again! :DDDDD I'm so glad you like the redesigns I've done since you've last been on here. I do pride myself on Zeldris' and Guila's redesigns if I do say so myself... I have a knack for creating people, what can I say? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As for your questions: yes! Hawk and his mama will still be in the rewrite, because they are simply perfect. I love them with everything I have. Although, Hawk might be a girl this time just because it feels right for some reason. Either way, we all know Hawk transcends gender.

I think they'll roughly have the same rolls as they do in canon, with slightly adjusted designs just to account for art style. Hawk's abilities may be changed a bit as well because they always just seemed kind of random and out-of-nowhere when they showed up in season 2. I also think that Mama, this giant pig that just wanders and chills, being the original prison of Chaos and essentially one of the most powerful beings in all of Britannia, is absolutely hilarious, so of course I'm keeping that. And, because I loved seeing the little bits of her own personality in canon, I hope to convey her as more of a character rather than just the vehicle that takes us from place to place. (Love you, Hawk Mama, they could never make me hate you)

And the Boar Hat will have minimal changes; the layout was always a little bit unclear to me so I'll be adjusting it a bit. Since Mama Hawk is technically "hollow," since she's basically a moss shell, there may be a basement for cold storage, and more rooms for the Sins to stay in since it's never fully established what upstairs looks like outside of a few scenes - Meliodas made the Boar Hat to stealthily look for the Sins, after all, and even if he didn't have the expectation that they would travel with him I think he would still have set up the place with them in mind. And, slightly unrelated, but Elizabeth actually gets her own room this time instead of just sharing one with Meliodas since it seemed a bit weird to me that she was sharing a room and a bed with the guy when she only just met him. But that's just a side note.

Thanks so much for asking, I love your questions!! XDDD

[ibroughtyoumybullets-ningy]

You doing alright dude?

i had to wait until i got home from work to make this

[nelliebachesneg]

About Wash's recovery after the Epsilon incident and his character arc from there through season 10:

It’s the refusing to accept your thoughts as your own. It’s the disconnect between what you’re doing and who you want yourself to be. It’s the fight for control when trying to tighten your grip only makes it slip. It’s the bargaining and little mental rules and walls and lines in the sand. It the recognizing that the neural pathways are there and there’s not much you can do but try to replace them one electrical signal at a time. It’s the coming to terms with yourself - who your actions, thoughts, and feelings have made you, both despite and because of the circumstances. It’s the knowing who you are, wondering why you’re here, and knowing that the why matters less than the what are you going to do about it. It’s the spite for the devil responsible that turns you cold. It’s the determination to live for something that gives you hope. It’s the belief that your life and death have to mean something that keeps you going. Its the turning into something you never thought you would be in the name of justice, in the name of revenge, in the name of healing, only to realize that it all meant nothing – or at least, it wouldn’t mean anything, if it weren’t for love. And it's about realizing that that’s where the healing truly begins. 

[spacedlexi]

skybound collectively unshitting their pants after acquiring the full rights to clementine, the coolest character in their own franchise

[seventh-district]

not even gonna try to contain this vent post within the tags bc i can just feel that i'm gonna yap

for the first time in a very long time, i'm watching an old video of me, age 13, playing with my dog on the kitchen floor. and i can barely handle the envious sight of how absolutely free i was. like, i know i've rewatched this video at a few other points in time in the nearly 12 years since i recorded it, but i've never really watched the full thing, paying as much attention as possible to every single detail.

i initially dug it up the other night because it's one of the only videos i have of Sassy on my current phone, and i wanted to.. see her again. but while i was analyzing every frame of the 3min video trying to drag as much of her memory out of the past as i possibly could, it dawned on me in a way it never has before just how unbelievably free i was behaving.

i was on the floor. touching it, sitting on it, putting my hands down on it and then (to my current self's horror and disgust) putting them on my cheeks, touching my face. i sat my drink down on the floor next to me. i picked Sassy up over and over again and then touched my face and drink and then i picked her up again and actually put my mouth on the top of her head to give her a little kiss. i did all of it without a second thought. it obviously came so naturally to me. i was moving around, interacting with the world around me in such an unbelievably normal way that i barely even recognize myself. and i was doing everything so quickly, too. i had energy. i moved (what seems to me now as) recklessly (though to a normal person it is probably just. normally.) and i just touched anything and did anything and. there weren't any consequences. it was fine.

that was roughly 1.5 years before Sassy dropped dead with zero warning and zero explanation and i developed severe OCD.

my memory is too far gone for me to figure out if the two events were cause-and-effect, or simply happened to take place around the same time in my life. it's not like i kept any sort of detailed log of my developing symptoms so i don't know if i'll ever be sure.

regardless, all i can focus on is how nowadays i wouldn't be able to do any of that. nothing aside from my shoes can come into contact with the floor. and i cannot come into direct skin contact with my shoes. if i find myself in a situation where i have to sit on the floor, as soon as i can get up, i have to remove all clothes that touched it and put them in the dirty laundry, and wash my hands, and if i had to touch my phone after touching the floor, i have to disinfect it. i will under no circumstances touch my face after contacting the floor until my hands are washed. i cannot touch or pet or hold either of my pets without washing my hands and preferably removing whatever clothing they came into contact with.

they are not allowed in my room nor my bed. Sassy slept in my bed with me every night. i never put my mouth on their fur to give them a kiss. i gave Sassy head kisses without a thought. they are not allowed to lick me. i used to find another one of my past dog's 'kisses' on my hands to be very endearing and unproblematic. now if it happens i have to wash it off immediately. anything that gets touched between my hands contacting either pet and being washed, i have to disinfect it.

i mean it with my entire fucking heart and soul when i say that OCD is an insidious disorder. having lived with it for a decade now, i couldn't be more aware of this. but, therein lies the exact point i'm trying to make. in spite of knowing that it has wormed it's way into every single aspect of my life, brain, and personality, it's entire nature is defined by the fact that it will do so, and it'll do it in such a way that the disordered mindset becomes your new normal. it had managed to completely overwrite a lot of my pre-disorder memories of how i used to... operate in the world around me. it has entirely altered the way i do every. single. thing. to the point where i just can't even fathom how it used to be any different. if i didn't have videos like this one to serve as proof that things did used to be different, i wouldn't have any basis for what my "normal" ever even was. it robbed me of those memories entirely.

let's fish one example out of the thousands of different ones i've got siting around: i've spent years trying to figure out how i used to take a shower that didn't take me an entire hour. i have no video of something like that obviously, so it just feels like.. like when i try to envision how i used to bathe myself it literally just goes black in my brain. there's no memory or mental images left in there. i can't fathom it. i mush have just been walking around halfway clean. i don't know. i don't understand how anyone can take a "quick" shower and get out feeling clean. my brain just absolutely cannot grasp it because the OCD is all that's left. it snuck in and completely rewrote the code of who i am and how my brain functions and how i perceive the world and i am never going to get my old self back. no amount of medication or therapy can truly, fully undo the damage it's done to my mind and body.

i mean. i have learned to live with it, barely. i wouldn't really call what i do 'living' but i am. surviving. and some of my obsessions and compulsions have the tendency to fade in and out over time, so i've been able to CBT myself out of some of the most disabling ones. showers take 1 hour now instead of 1.5 to 2.

i can read normally again now, after that period of time around uhh 2018 i think where i could barely read since i had to count the letters of every single word i saw. that was a pretty miserable time and i eventually forced myself mostly out of it. but i still slip back into it when i'm exceptionally stressed, which makes written communication difficult. but it's not like you can just explain that to people and expect them to believe you. but the uh. idk what to call it. OCD cranked the pattern-seeking part of my brain up so far that the metaphorical knob broke off and so the uh. like. the ability for me to notice which words have what amount of letters is always there, i'm just good at overriding it now. that's what 'learning to live with OCD' is like for me. the tracks that it carves into my brain never go away, i just get better at overriding them. but certain stupid little rules never really leave you, like if i'm lengthening a word like turning 'no' into 'noooooo' or 'holy' into 'hooooly' then the new lengthened form of the word has to have a 'good' number of letters like 3 or 7 or whatever my brain deems fit.

i can sit small objects down now without compulsively checking that the surface i'm about to sit them on is clean. ...most of the time. that got really annoying but also embarrassing to be seen doing it. having to re-wipe the counter down every time i'd pick up my water bottle and put it back down. trying to do Anything in the kitchen was an absolute nightmare. and yeah it still takes me a long time to cook anything, and there's countless other compulsions that make me dread the kitchen, and yeah i still can't sit large objects down without thoroughly inspecting the surface below them, and. sigh. there's no making this one sound like it's much improved at all. cause it hasn't

at least the compulsion to re-live and commit to memory every possible detail of my dreams immediately upon waking has left me. that's one rare example of a compulsion that has totally left instead of just adapting to be less intrusive. it was so miserable laying there for ages every morning trying to force any shred of memory out of my dreams and then panicking when i oftentimes couldn't remember anything.

anyways. i could and would have to write a literal book to fit in even half of all the examples of every single compulsion i've ever had in the last 10 years. most of them are still with me. some of them are very.. evolved, but most of them are still with me in one form or another. there isn't a single aspect of the way that i interact with the world around me that isn't heavily influenced by my OCD.

i don't expect to ever get to be that 13y/o kid again. and even back then, i was far from neurotypical. mental things were already starting to spiral for me around 11 or so. but none of my other (numerous) illnesses hold a candle to the disabling effect that OCD had and has on me. it's one of the WHO's top 10 most debilitating illnesses in the world, physical health issues included. i think i heard it ranked at #7, ironically enough. that stat might not still be accurate but i can't help but constantly want to quote it because i think one of the most tortuous aspects of OCD is the inability of those who don't have it to truly grasp how much you're struggling. how bad it is. it's taken so unseriously by the majority of those who don't have it, that trying to get across to someone how much you're struggling feels like this constant uphill battle that you never asked to fight.

one of the most difficult things for me to live with is the knowledge that most people just aren't going to understand. or believe me. and feeling unseen while suffering through immense pain is just. it's maddening. and dealing with that exact issue of struggling so much, both in physical sorts of pain and with mental illnesses, and having everyone around me never take it seriously enough.. it has been such a prevalent part of my life for so long that it just. it's slowly driving me fucking insane lol. not to be dramatic. i know i've got a relatively easy life. but there is always gonna be this invisible, bleeding wound on my soul that gets torn open a little wider every time i have to look someone in the eye and try, exhaustedly, to explain the absolute dumpster fire shitshow that i have to live with in my brain 24/7, only to get some fuckass excuse of a response like 'haha yeah i know what you mean! i'm a little OCD too!' and they just like. like seeing things organized neatly and sometimes experience a passing worry that they left the stove on.

and i just wanna say that 'we are playing life on two very different difficulty levels and i don't think i'll ever be able to get that across to you' but no i have to be nice and downplay it and get along bc it's just not worth it. i'm so fucking tired. OCD is exhausting enough to live with, let alone trying to educate other people on it.

maybe one day ill post that stupid excuse of a poem i wrote regarding my frustration with that exact experience.

but like i said, i don't ever expect this to go away. medication only treats the symptoms and i can only force myself to suffer through so much CBT. this will be with me forever, in a significant capacity. i just hope that before i die, i'll get to know what it's like to have someone look me in the eye and understand. not necessarily from personal experience, but to at least know me well enough to be able to understand how serious i am when i say that OCD ruined my life.

but it might turn out that the only place i'll be able to find that level of understanding and acceptance, is when i look in the mirror.

that might just have to be enough.