#hope you get over this block as soon as possible

[wonustars]

In Front of Me (Teaser)

⊹ pairing: jeon wonwoo x f.reader ⊹ genre: bestfriend to lovers, angst, smut (18+ mdni) ⊹ wordcount: TBA (this teaser: 679) ⊹ release date: TBA

⊹ summary: jeon wonwoo has spent most of his adolesence and early adult hood unable to understand why he can't seem to stay in a relationship for more than a few months. as his best friend, you allowed him to vent about his worries without judgment. so what if you're in love with him? your friendship with wonwoo meant more to you than having your feelings reciprocated. that is until you hit your breaking point, while wonwoo finally realizes what has been in front of him this whole time. ⊹ tags: non-idol!au, uni!au, bestfriends to lovers (?), unrequted love, emotionaly stunted charcters, wonwoo has a bit of an ego, toxic!wonwoo&reader. (more tags and smut tag added to full fic when posted.) ⊹ note: im really excited to share this with you all. its not by any means done but heres a teaser for now since ive been away for so long ♡ also the teaser is not edited so pls just ignore if theres typos hehe. lov u all pls come into my ask box cuz i refuse to shut up abt this story :p.

⊹ masterlist, taglist, fic playlist.

Rejection is foreign to Wonwoo.

Most times, it’s him that’s doing the rejecting. He was the one to always initiate the break up, to lose feelings first, every decision was made by him. He has no control over whether you’re going to text him back or not, and to put it simply, he can’t stand that feeling. 

Wonwoo hates not being in control. Whether that be his future, his relationships, and especially his feelings. At least that’s what he forces himself to believe. That it’s not fair of you to ignore him when he’s worried about you, because he’s your best friend. You should answer him when he texts you. When he calls you, and especially when he shows up to your door, seeking your comfort. In his mind, that is what he believes the foundation of your friendship is. To comfort each other, just like it always has been. 

Sure, maybe Wonwoo is entitled, perhaps he’s conceited and selfish, but he doesn’t care. Because in his mind, you’re his bestfriend. There was no way in hell that you were ignoring him. His ego doesn’t even consider it a possibility. You were busy, that’s it. That has to be it. 

{໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -。꒱ྀི১  ‧₊˚ ⋅ ⋆˙}

Less than fourty-eight hours in, Wonwoo couldn’t stop himself from texting you once more. Nimble fingers practically itching to open your contact to update you about the most mundane things. Maybe if he pretended that this moment of silence is perfectly normal, then maybe, you would eventually end up answering him. 

12:36 p.m [wons <3]: class just finished. lunch at our usual place?

Nothing. Not even a thumb’s up reaction. Wonwoo had become antsy, guilt and slight annoyance gnawing at the pit of his stomach. Where the hell are you? What are you doing that’s so important that you couldn’t even open his message let alone read them? 

1:27 p.m.  [wons <3]: this random girl asked for my number after class lol. weird right? i didn’t give it to her though 😁

Cursing at himself, he regrets pressing the send button on that text. Double texting you is already out of the norm for him, but triple texting? He can’t believe how desperate he looks right now. He wishes he could bring himself to unsend it, but he just hopes it’ll be the text that finally gets you to respond. 

2:10 p.m. [wons <3]: saw a bunny running thru the oval today u should’ve seen it! reminded me of u.  [1 photo attachment] 

Absolute radio silence from your end. Wonwoo is starting to think that you had him blocked, but his messages are still delivering. Unsure of what’s worse, you ignoring him or blocking his number, Wonwoo still tries his best to remain calm.

4:00 p.m. [wons <3]: im about to head home soon. r u riding w me today? 

The sight of you getting into Seokmin’s car made Wonwoo scoff. Since when did you start getting rides home from Seokmin? And why was he the one opening the door for you? Buckling your seatbelt instead of his own? Wonwoo is completely dumbfounded at what he had witnessed. 

4:30 p.m.  [wons <3]: saw u get into seokmin’s car, lmk if u need a ride tmrw. 

Seeing you laugh and smile while walking to the student parking lot with Seokmin of all people solidified the fact that you are actively ignoring his texts. And he just can’t stand the thought of it. How dare he be ignored? Especially by his best friend, the one person who had always responded to him, no matter the time or how busy you were, you always texted him back. 

Wonwoo initially thought that even if the world ended, you would be there within arms reach, enough to hold you close, where he can keep you safe. You were predictable in that sense. But if the world decided to burst into flames, or swallow itself whole tomorrow, he’s unsure if you would be there right next to him by the time he woke up.

⊹ a/n: if u want to be apart of the taglist please fill out the form, comment or send an ask! please note that i'll only add those who have an age indicator somewhere in their blog! thank you ♡

[alphajocklover]

I’ll cut right to the point. I want to be huge.

I have always dreamed of being a huge bodybuilder since before I can even remember. I remember watching hulk cartoons and wishing that could happen to me. The older I get, the bigger my desires seem to grow. I want to become the ultimate brute. Completely massive, completely covered in body hair, and with the brain of your average henchman.

Can you work your magic on me? I’ll do anything to live that big dumb brute life.

As cliche as an opening as this is, based on what you’ve told me I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you’ll soon be transformed just like how you’ve dreamed. Your muscles will grow humongous, your mind will dim, and you’ll get to live your dream of being a big, dumb, bodybuilding brute. I won’t even have to do a thing! See, you’re experiencing a Big Dick Energy overdose. If you haven’t read my past post on BDE, it is essentially a nickname for a type of Masculine Energy humans naturally produce. When someone who produces this energy does not dispel it by doing manly things, it builds up inside of them as an urge, until bursting out and transforming them temporarily into a straight stud full of toxic masculinity. It sounds to me as though this energy has been building up inside you for quite some time, so your transformation will definitely be impressive and may even be permanent from the start.

The bad news is that from what you’ve told me, you might have built up too much masculine energy. I know that sounds obvious, since it’s literally an overdose of masculine energy, but this is when you have even more energy built up. Sometimes instead of building up the energy and expelling it by transforming, like in a usual BDE overdose, the energy is blocked and keeps building up until the dam bursts and the transformation gets… really intense. This might not sound that bad at first, but the details are what might trip you up.

The first problem is actually your lack of control over details. While you’ll most likely become like the dumb brute you’ve been imagining, as desire does change what kind of jock a person becomes when they overdose on BDE, you won’t have total control over the details. I’m not what's transforming you this time afterall, you’re basically transforming yourself. It’ll probably work out, since usually those transformed by BDE are changed into their ideal manly self, but… we can’t be sure. Transformation is always a lottery, especially with more powerful transformations.

The second issue is that due to the unique way you’re transforming, you’re going to be… well, contagious. Literally. You’ve built up such a large amount of masculine energy that for a couple ays after your initial transformation, those around you will be transformed as well. Most woman and nonbinary people will just act a little more butch and masculine for a while, and some men will simply have an urge to do more manly stuff for a couple days, but for some of the people around you the energy you give off will be a spark that starts their own transformation. Some will only be transformed for a bit, but a lucky few will be transformed permanently, just like you. This might be a good thing, since now not only will you be transformed, you’ll get a small group of manly brutes to bro out with. The bad part is that you won’t be able to control who you infect. Here's hoping you just infect your friends and not your grandpa or something. Not that buff grandpas don’t have their own charm.

Despite the possible complications, you’ll definitely get your wish. To be a big and dumb brute. I hope you enjoy it, because there's no turning back.

[skiesandflowerss]

sky, i am kind of going through a writer's block and it is bothering me. do you have any ideas that i can write on? any prompts? and pov's you'd like to read that i can write? any emotion that i can write on? and fictional scene? anything? any ideas are welcomed! but of course, no pressure to come up with ideas if that'd cost you lots of energy and time. you can choose to ignore this ask as well, no problem at all. thank you. <3

and i hope you are doing well! and, also, life update. i got done with almost all of my interviews last month, so i have been very free and living these slow days without any care. it's been fun ngl but some days i get a little sad because of the lack of events in my life. anyway, next month it'd be decided which college i'd be going to for my post grad. i really really hope i get a good one! :" and i read and watched a couple of things during this free period, and they were all so good. makes me fall in love with life when i come across things that capture all my attention and make me appreciate art and the people behind it. :")

Imaaa, I don't know if i will be able to help you much here cause I haven't picked up a book to read in a while and honestly my mind is all blank these days but I do have some suggestions or lines or povs you might can write on, I hope they help you:

'You're far away,' she says, returning you to the present. 'Don't hide from me.'

You have never loved from a distance, but then you have never known love like this. You want to tell yourself, and her, that it will be OK, that nothing will change, but you don't know.

You are ending the summer, wondering how it is possible to miss someone before they have gone. There are lives moving around you but they are of little concern.

Have you ever been afraid of what lies within you, what you're capable of?

You can't live in a vacuum. And when you let people in and you make yourself vulnerable, they're able to have an effect on you. If that makes sense.'

To live with other people is to be responsible for protecting them from your moods.

It was so gorgeous that it almost felt like sadness.

Maybe I was afraid of seeing anything as absolute. I wanted to keep moving, like a stream, and I wanted to go on watching everything from a distance.

Truly happy memories always live on, shining. Over time, one by one, they come back to life.

I've always been like that—if I'm not pushed to the brink, I won't move.

What a pain I thought, wondering why everyone felt such a need for reassurance.

(Ps: these are all quotes from the books I read last year and also I read a book Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson last year which kind of gave me many ideas to write on like this book helped me write quite vividly and this book is hardly of 130 pages so I would suggest you to give it a read in your spare time, I think it will help you come out of the block)

and I'm doing fine, my exams are close so I'm not doing any extra activity which is basically reading these days but yeah and glad to hear that you are finally over your a-little-stressful-cum-eventful-days and do enjoy your mellow days and summers are here so do have a fun time attempting activities that can attract your creative brain and yes you have had quite a busy month so do relax and take care of yourself. Hoping that you get to choose your desired college and have a great time pursuing your masters. Sending you positivity, hugs and sunshine 🌻🌻🌻

(another ps: I will keep adding lines or prompts as I get time and ideas)

[helaintoloki]

Can I request something with Five Hargreeves where Five and Lilia gets back to their family after the 7 years (nothing romantic happened between them, just purely platonic), and when he sees the reader for the first time after almost loosing so much hope in seeing her again, he just can’t help but latch onto her and never let go, kissing her all over cause he finally gets to see the love of his life again :,D

a/n: ty for sending in this request anon i really enjoyed writing it <3 this is basically the “good ending” of the subway incident

warnings: fluff, mentions of five and lila but in a platonic way not the bad way

His lungs feel like they’re on fire as Five pushes himself to continue his sprint to your apartment. It’s been seven years without you, and after almost losing hope of ever seeing you again, all he wanted now was to have you in his arms as proof that he truly was back in his own timeline.

He never should have listened to Lila when she insisted on traveling the subway system in search of a solution to the Cleanse, but he had been desperate to find a way to keep you and his family safe no matter the cost. He didn’t mind having to eat subway rats and sleep in flimsily sleeping bags on dirty platforms for your sake, but with no end in sight the entire thing began to seem futile. What good was putting himself through torture if he could never go back home to you?

Thus, when he found the journal that detailed the way back home, Five did not hesitate to jump on the next subway car and return back to his own timeline. He didn’t feel sorry for practically shoving Lila out of the way as soon as the doors opened, and he didn’t waste a second waiting for her to follow before he was booking it out of the station and down the streets to your apartment. While it would have been faster to just jump there, he didn’t want to risk accidentally placing himself right back where he started, and he didn’t have the patience to wait for Lila to find a car and drop him off herself. Seeing you could not wait, and so he ran.

Though Five has experienced seven painful years of being stuck with Lila in the subway, only four hours have passed since you last spoke to him on the phone to discuss your evening plans. He was meant to be at your apartment thirty minutes ago so you could enjoy a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant, and yet here you were sitting painfully board at your kitchen island watching the minutes tick by. You knew he wasn’t exactly keen on eating out when he’d rather stay at home and spend quality time with you, but surely he wouldn’t stoop so low as to miss your date entirely.

“Screw this,” you huff in indigence as you snatch your keys from the counter and grab your previously discarded purse from its spot on the couch. “He’ll just have to meet me there.”

After putting on your coat, you fling the door open only to met with the sight of a breathless Five, his fist raised in the air as if he was about to knock before you beat him to it. He looks completely disheveled with his mussed up hair and wrinkled suit, his eyes blown wide as he swallows down a big gulp of air and takes in your features. You look more beautiful than he ever thought possible, and he can’t believe that he’s really here standing in front of you after being trapped in a time travel hellscape for seven years with his idiot brother’s idiot wife.

“Five?” You utter gently, brows furrowed in confusion and concern as you reach out to place a gentle hand upon his cheek. He’s warm to the touch, most likely a side effect from having sprinted for three blocks, but it worries you nonetheless. He nearly melts into your palm as his eyes flutter shut in contentment at the feel of your skin against his own. He’s missed this, and he’s missed you. “Where have you been, I was just about to leave without you. You okay?”

You jump at his sudden movement when Five practically throws himself into your arms. You lose your footing and tumble back into your apartment, and it takes you a moment to process what’s happening before you tightly return the embrace. You know Five loves you, but he’s never been so forward with affection like this, so his behavior takes you by surprise.

“Sweetheart, I’ve never been better,” he breathes out in relief as he takes in your warmth and your smell and your touch and everything good about you. He never thought he could miss anyone as much as he missed you, and Five swore in that moment he’d never take you for granted again.

“Are you sure you’re really my Five and not a total stranger?” You question teasingly, poking fun at his uncharacteristically tender behavior. While normally you would be met with a biting and sarcastic response in return, you are instead given a passionate kiss as he cups your face in his hands and desperately pulls you closer to him. Your startled gasp is swallowed by his lips as he deepens the kiss and pushes you further into the apartment before shutting the door with his foot.

“Five,” you manage to breathe out after he pulls away for air, your face hot and your mind frazzled as you struggle to comprehend the sequence of events that have just occurred. “Five, we’re going to be late.”

“I couldn’t care less,” he replies with a faint smile, reaching out to carefully tuck your hair behind your ear. “I missed you.”

“Missed me?” You repeat in confusion. “You saw me this morning. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll explain everything in time,” he assures you carefully, “but right now I just want to enjoy this moment with you.”

With a faint smile gracing your lips, you know you can’t argue with that. You probably will miss your dinner reservations, but none of that matters as Five pulls you in close and showers you with seven years worth of pent-up affection.

You could really get used to this side of him.

[azrielbrainrot]

A Helping Hand

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Description: A seemingly innocent confession ends with you in Azriel's bed.

Warnings: Smut, fingering, some dirty talk

Word Count: 1,2k

Notes: I've been having a bit of writer's block and decided to just finish this little prompt I had in my notes since forever ago. Hope you enjoy!

It's hard to remember how you ended up here. It's hard to remember your own name to be honest. You think it would even be possible for you to forget how to breathe when Azriel's fingers have set such a mind numbing rhythm, stretching you out so deliciously.

One minute you were confessing to your friend about how no male had ever made you finish, and the next you were lying naked on his soft mattress, his hazel eyes half lidded with desire as he cooed down at the mess you were making and all the sinful noises you were letting out.

“Are you still with me, pretty?”

You let out a loud moan at the question, one he punctuated with a deeper, sharper thrust. Hands clutching onto his soft hair to pull him in closer, his lips meeting yours, allowing you to indulge yourself for a moment. You can't believe you've lived this long without the feeling of his lips on yours.

Azriel pulls away far too soon, your lips chasing his in a hopeless attempt of keeping him close, a whine escaping you when he moves completely out of your reach.

“I asked you a question,” he murmurs, voice heavy with desire as he watches the way your pussy swallows his fingers greedily.

It takes you a moment to remember that he even spoke up let alone what he asked you. “Yes. Gods, yes. Please don't stop,” you find yourself begging when you do.

Azriel lets out a satisfied hum, leaning down to leave little bites and wet kisses all over your chest, almost purring when your fingers tangle in his locs, fingers alternating between massaging his scalp and pulling hard when the pleasure he's bringing you gets too much.

It doesn't take long for you to get impatient, drunk on the sensations he's bringing you, but still greedily needing more, your hips chasing his fingers, silently begging him to go faster, harder.

“Az,” you whimper when it's clear he won't listen unless you ask him to. “I need more.”

He abandons your chest with one last bite, looking up at your heavy lidded eyes, a smirk growing on his face.

“You think you're ready to cum?”

“Please.”

It's amazing how fast he reduced you to begging. You can't believe this whole thing started because you thought there was something wrong with you, or that you just couldn't cum with a partner when Azriel had reduced you to a pool of pleasure in a couple thrusts of his fingers. He hadn't even fully undressed you, simply pulling your dress up to your hips and then down your chest to keep his mouth busy. You can only imagine what else he could do if you gave him the chance.

“You don't have to beg. I told you I'd take care of you,” he says, looking down to your dripping pussy as he speeds up his thrusts, curling his fingers just right.

You were so, so close. It felt like you were staring down at the top of a precipice, only needing the slightest nudge to jump down into oblivion.

“You've been doing so good for me. Making such a pretty mess of my fingers.” He trusts his fingers in sloppily, showcasing just how much of a mess you're making, the sinful sounds echoing around the room along with your pathetic pants and whimpers. “Can you hear it?” You think you could be heard down the hall.

Azriel was never particularly talkative, even as you grew closer, he always prefered to listen rather than speak. You really could have never imagined him to have such a dirty mouth. It never occurred to you how attractive his voice was either, probably overshadowed by everything else, but now you think you could listen to him talk forever.

“You're so wet I think I could just slip right in,” he adds more to himself than to you, but it has a destructive effect all the same. A needy whimper escapes you, your cunt instinctively clenching around his fingers at the thought.

Of course, this doesn't go unnoticed by him, making him look up with a curious and feral glint to his eyes, “You'd like that?”

The reality of the situation sobers you up for a moment, realizing that this would have a noticeable shift to your friendship, one you cherished, but as his fingers threaten to slow down their pace, likely noticing the seriousness that you felt, you grab onto him.

“Yes, I would,” you confess, looking deep into his eyes.

He picks up his face again, those burning hazel eyes never straying from yours. “I can fuck you. I can show you every little thing those bastards never did, bring you pleasure you never thought possible,” he says, “but first you need to cum for me, alright?”

Dropping a quick kiss to your lips, Azriel moves down your body, leaving open mouthed kisses as he goes, his fingers never stopping or giving you a moment to breathe properly. He stops for a moment, lingering around the waistband of your panties, sucking a mark right above where you needed to feel him so desperately.

You're not sure if he's waiting for permission, but your hand falls to his head when it's clear he won't move on his own, giving him a more than encouraging nudge. He complies with a chuckle that sends a shiver down your spine, his warm breath ghosting over your wet flesh.

When his mouth closes around your clit, you feel an overwhelming amount of pleasure rush over you, lasting only a couple slow circles of his tongue around the sensitive spot before you to cum, head falling back against the mattress, back arching into him as your eyes roll back and your mouth falls open in a silent moan of his name.

Your fingers tighten around his hair though you're unsure if you were pulling him closer or trying to push him away in the middle of the mind numbing sensations. The resulting groan he releases sends vibrations over you, only adding to the already destructive orgasm you were experiencing.

It takes you a bit to come down, and when you do you find Azriel looking down at your face, pride distinguishable in his eyes, his fingers still working inside you softly, fucking you all through your orgasm.

He smiles at you when he catches you watching him through heavy lidded eyes, “So,” he stops his movements, bringing his face, still covered in your release, closer to you. “Do you still think there's something wrong with you?”

The idea is laughable to even consider now, and you can't help the disbelieving chuckle that escapes, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a kiss.

“No, I think I just have terrible taste,” your murmur, caressing his cheek with the pad of your thumb, “Thank you for this, Azriel.”

“You don't have to thank me, love. I was more than happy to help,” he pecks your lips, a suggestive smile taking over his features, “And I still am, whenever you need me to.”

“Actually,” a grin of your own growing, your legs wrapping around his waist, almost moaning out when you felt the evidence of his arousal pressing against your sensitive heat, feeling insatiable even though he just gave you the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, “I think you just said you had a lot more to show me, right?”

[ikeuverse]

YOU'RE MY PROBLEM — l.heeseung

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader  GENRES: angst, fluff, humor, suggestive  WC: 11.6k+

WARNINGS: swearing, arguing, cheating, divorce, mention of drinking. slightly smut in that there is a section (albeit brief) describing almost – very almost – sex.

SYNOPSIS: for some people, it was a problem working as a nanny because of the fatigue and effort it required. but you loved looking after hajun. the only problem was his older brother, heeseung.

NOTES: idk what's going on, but heeseung's been on my mind a lot these days. 2nd plot in less than two weeks and he's the owner of everything! at first this was going to have a smut, but i felt it would be too long and idk if it turned out that well, so maybe it could happen in a second part that isn't even final. but that's it for now, i hope you like it!

masterlist

"What's your problem?" that intonation was already typical when directed at you, but it still never failed to send a chill down your spine.

Sighing, you got up from the living room floor and smiled at the little boy in front of you, trying not to focus your gaze on the man next to the sofa.

"Can't you do your job properly for once?" he said to you again as he followed you into the downstairs bathroom, and you tried to ignore him as much as possible to put the first aid kit away in the drawer and leave the room. But he blocked the door.

"Can you come out, please? I want to go through" you asked, looking at him for the first time.

"I asked you what your fucking problem is" he leaned over and gritted his teeth, now he could cuss since he wasn't next to his younger brother.

"And I asked you to leave" you leaned in too, almost touching the tip of your nose to his chin because of the height difference. This caught the man completely off guard and he took a few steps back, clearing the way for you to leave the bathroom and walk into the living room.

It wasn't a horrible accident, you weren't a terrible babysitter for nine-year-old Hajun. But his older brother, Heeseung, had been a pain in the ass ever since you first set foot in the Lee house.

And it wasn't as if you'd done anything because Mrs. Lee always praised your work highly and you even did a few extra periods just to play with Hajun or stay with him when there were family problems. These, more often than not, were your suspicions as to why the Lee family had hired a nanny for their youngest, and also why Heeseung seemed so down on life. Especially with you.

It was typical for him to make some sarcastic comment, and roll his eyes when you excitedly answered something his mother had asked. Or even mutter a swear word when Hajun chooses to go out with you instead of his own brother. Jealous? Or that intensified the anger Heeseung felt even more, you just didn't want it to be directed completely at you. In your mind, Heeseung was already like that because of something that happened in the family – and you'd always been curious to ask, you just didn't have the courage – so, because you were the only person who was easy to get along with apart from his mother and younger brother, the boy only had you to put it all out there.

You weren't such a bad listener, you could call Heeseung to sit down after your babysitting shift and tell him everything that was bothering you. Why he was so angry and, most importantly, why did he seem to hate you? Your memory tried to capture a moment when you could have given him a curt reply, a grimace or simply been rude, but no.

As soon as you arrived and introduced yourself as Hajun's new nanny, Heeseung just rolled his eyes and left the room.

"Don't worry about him, Y/n" Mrs. Lee smiled lovingly at you "Heeseung is going through a difficult process, I think he'll get better soon. He's sweet."

You hoped he would be. And you waited for months to see that Heeseung was still the same... Maybe his process would take forever and you would have been chosen to be his punching bag. 

But one day it would get tiresome. Surely you knew that you would respond in full, even if you were afraid of losing your job because he might be able to get his mother's head around firing you. 

Back in the living room, you smiled at Hajun when you saw the little boy smile at you too. Your gaze completely ignored Heeseung sitting in the armchair next to his brother.

"Come on Y/n, I was telling Seungie how I fell in the park earlier" the little boy had no idea what had happened minutes ago between you and Heeseung, and you preferred it that way. Your priority was always to protect Hajun and be with him.

You sat down next to him, feeling Hajun's small hands wrap around yours.

"So I went to play ball with some boys, but Y/n told me not to go barefoot because it could be dangerous for me" Hajun formed a pout on his lips as he looked away from Heeseung to his bruised knee, now completely clean and bandaged "And I didn't listen" Hajun looked at you now, showing his newly grown teeth "Do you forgive me, Y/n?"

"Oh, of course" you hugged him as he laid his head on your shoulder.

Heeseung huffed from the other side of the sofa, running his hand through his hair impatiently.

"Anyway, do your job properly next time" he got up and left the room, leaving you with Hajun as he climbed the stairs with his feet tapping.

You felt the younger man move beside you, looking into your eyes while still smiling. Hajun was an amazing child and you felt your heart sink every time you thought that, if it wasn't for you, he might be alone in this house.

Not completely alone, Heeseung worked in his room a few days a week and Hajun could ask his brother for help with anything, as he was extremely protective of the youngest. But if it wasn't for you, the little one wouldn't do his homework. He couldn't go out to the park in the next block, let alone go to the movies in the late afternoon because he was too bored to do anything indoors.

Thanks to you, Hajun had company every day. And that was the thought you had when Mrs. Lee hired you to keep him company.

"Ignore him" Hajun's voice brought you out of your thoughts and back to the reality you were in at that very moment. The little boy was already standing in the middle of the room "Heeseung is a pain in the ass when he wants to be."

"Hey, watch your mouth, young man" you laughed when he grimaced.

"Seriously, after—" Hajun sighed, looking at you "Never mind."

"You know you can tell me whenever you want, right?" you stood up too, walking over to him to ruffle the younger man's dark hair.

Hajun nodded, smiling at you and asking you to make him a brownie. Because he deserved it and he was hurting. This made you laugh because, although the mood changed drastically in that house, you knew that he always tried to take everything in good humor. 

Hajun's slip in the previous few minutes only made you even more certain that something was going on, and your heart squeezed to see that he was aware of the problems within his own house even at his young age. So, more than ever, your determination to take care of him spoke louder. Because Hajun was your priority in that house. And that would always be the case.

With your head in your hands, you felt like screaming as you stared at the computer in front of you. Life as a university student was complete shit, even more so when you were forced to start a project and didn't even know where to begin.

Your two best friends were sitting right in front of you with their projects very well developed, but it was as if only your head was short-circuiting because nothing was good enough.

"You're going to tear your hair out soon" Jake leaned over the table to pull one of your hands away from your face, taking his attention away from his project.

"Can I rip my head off?" you almost cried as you looked at him, both of you looking away to Ryunjin sitting next to you.

"Why are you like this?" she asked.

"Is it because of the project?" Jake was already sitting properly in his seat, his eyes still on you and Ryunjin too. You nodded in agreement, swallowing dryly when the girl sighed.

"Or is it for someone else?" Ryunjin emphasized the question when she looked at you.

The table was now a little chaotic with Ryunjin peeking out with a smile on her lips, you trying to wiggle out of it and Jake looking between the two friends like a lost puppy.

"What the fuck is going on? Because I think I've lost something" the boy finally said.

"Heeseung, again" Ryunjin answered for you "He's still being an asshole to Y/n. Hasn't your little friend said anything worthwhile to let us know what happened?"

Jake opened and closed his mouth to answer but to no avail. He was a friend of Heeseung's, fortunately, or unfortunately, the boy went to the same university as you. Being Jake's friend, he once let slip that his mother was looking for someone to look after Hajun. And since you needed money... you could just combine the useful with the pleasant.

But your friend seemed to be as lost as you were, or at least he pretended very well. As one of Heeseung's best friends, it would be difficult for him to tell you if something was going on that could involve you. But he was also your best friend. This standoff with Jake could leave you confused and feeling bad on both sides, which is why you never pressured him to tell you anything.

"He's just having some problems" Jake tried to be vague on the subject.

"He's the problem, Jake" you closed your computer, giving up on working on a project you knew would come to nothing. Your head was full – unfortunately of annoyance about Heeseung – and nothing could make you concentrate on the moment "He was really rude to me last time, you know?"

He knew.

He listened to Heeseung swear for ten minutes about how you could let Hajun get hurt. Then he let his friend cool off and tried to argue that it wasn't your fault. Heeseung understood and even pondered whether he had been too hard on you.

"I... No, what did he do?" Jake nibbled his lower lip to suppress a sigh as he began to listen to everything he had to say.

From his perspective it wasn't your fault, Heeseung was too hard on you and anything you did. Sometimes Jake felt like telling you everything, telling you how many times he'd lost count by cursing Heeseung for his behavior. Or wanting to punch him just because his friend took out his frustrations on the wrong things.

"You need to talk to him to stop being like that with Y/n" Ryunjin caught Jake's eye, making him look at her "Or I'll shove some architectural material up his ass. Name one."

"A piece of concrete?" Jake frowned. He had no idea which materials were architectural, Heeseung did that course, not him. Jake was a computer scientist, just like Ryunjin.

She smiled with satisfaction at the answer and then looked at you.

"Now don't think about him and focus on your project, my love" Ryunjin reached out to touch your hand gently "I bet your designers are going to be amazing."

"We can't wait to see it" Jake also celebrated, taking your other hand and running his thumb over the back of it in affectionate contact.

Even with all the stuff going on in your life, the daily stress of dealing with the older brother of the little boy you were looking after, being in the presence of your friends seemed to cure everything and then some. Even though Jake was Heeseung's friend, that didn't change the way your friend treated you or how much he wanted to see you well. 

Ever since these disagreements between you and Heeseung started happening, Jake made it clear to both parties that he didn't want to be a part of it. Ryunjin even complained once that she would be part of it and still defend you, but no one listened – thankfully. 

After some time exchanging glances with your friends and smiling, you decided to focus on your project because, even if time was in your favor and the deadline was a month away, being prepared and ahead of schedule was your motto.

Taking advantage of a few vacant classes at college was perfect for going to a remote table on campus and working on whatever it was. These get-togethers with your friends were what got you out of stressful and bad times, even if you saw them on some weekends or in some classes. Just sitting there, chatting away regardless of the subject, made you feel a little better.

"Jake, dude, I finally found you" the voice took you away from your more peaceful thoughts and gratitude for your friends to focus forward. The boy whose name had been called stared after you with soft eyes, but as soon as he noticed your gaze on him, Jake's eyes widened slightly "Are you studying?"

Heeseung's voice was unmistakable to you. And at that moment you wanted to dig a hole and hide, or run out of there just so you wouldn't have the pleasure of bumping into the boy at his study table.

"Tidying up projects" Jake hissed, squeezing Ryunjin's leg under the table when he felt his friend move in her place. Her gaze was locked on Heeseung so angrily, yet the boy didn't notice, too distressed to find Jake.

"Can I join you here?" he asked "I need to finish some university homework and then we need to meet Jay for a game of basketball."

"Sure" Jake gave a small smile and beckoned Heeseung to sit down.

No. Not. Jake and Ryunjin were sitting next to each other, so the only vacant seat was right next to you.

Heeseung sat down without looking in their direction. He smiled at Ryunjin as a silent greeting, but she took it in her stride and ended up nodding at him politely after looking at you at the same moment Heeseung did.

The boy's eyes could come out of their orbs if it were possible, the way he opened them. Fidgeting uncomfortably on the bench next to you, he was in a bit of shock, even looking a little vulnerable given the circumstances that Heeseung always looked fierce when he was around you at his house.

"Y/n?" he asked, afraid that you were real.

"Hey" you said quietly.

He didn't know what to say, how could he forget that Jake was always with you on campus if you weren't with him? Why didn't Heeseung check out the people at that table before he sat down?

There were so many questions circling his mind that, as the boy saw you ignore him to open the computer and focus on your study, maybe he should do the same.

Focusing on his university homework while he waited for Jake to finish his project and then meet his other friends was what he had to do. All Heeseung had to do was answer a few questions that the teacher had given him in class and hope that his friend would finish as quickly as possible.

"Heeseung" Ryunjin called out after a while, her gaze flicking between him and you. You both looked very uncomfortable next to each other and it was so clear. Even more so after he arrived and didn't greet you properly, it wouldn't go unnoticed by your best friend.

"Hey, Ryunjin" he tried to smile amiably, almost feeling a shiver run down his spine when she leaned over the table, resting her elbows on the stone. She smiled strangely; he had seen it before when the girl was sarcastic or about to fight with someone. Was she going to fight with him?

"Is there concrete in your course building?" she asked.

Heeseung frowned in complete confusion. That question had no basis in fact, but at least she wasn't angry with him, so he could relax a little and not feel any more chills as the girl still stared at him.

"We have several, will you need them?"

"Yes" she said.

"Sure, but what for?" when Heeseung asked and Ryunjin was about to answer, you quickly closed your computer. Praying that everything was intact even with the small bang.

This startled the three at the table – even you – so you got up and grabbed your backpack.

"I remembered that I need to go with Ryunjin to the library, now" your emphasis was a complete answer to the fact that your friend would have to follow you. Jake was grateful that she obeyed, even if it was against her will, putting her things away as she picked up the backpack to leave.

"Why did she want concrete?" Heeseung looked at Jake after you and Ryunjin left, laughing quietly and focusing on the questions he needed to answer, missing his friend's gaze, which was a little shocked.

"I have no idea" Jake lied.

Or omitted, exactly. Heeseung didn't need to know the intentions of the girl who had ranted at him minutes before he arrived at the table.

Of all the things Heeseung wanted to put out of his mind, one was to know exactly where to find the person who had hurt him the most. Who broke up the perfect family he thought he had.

Heeseung wanted to be able not to remember the bar his father frequented, but here he was. Across the street watching the large glass windows, and inside the establishment, people were drinking and celebrating something.

He was drinking too. He was already on his third bottle and brought the glass up to his lips to finish off the bitter liquid which, at this point, no longer had any effect. Heeseung was focused on the male figure who was laughing and raising his glass of alcohol to talk to some other men. So this was how his father looked every Thursday night before going home. That's how Heeseung followed him one night, tired of seeing his father come home late only to catch him drinking in that damn bar, with a woman sitting on his lap who must have been Heeseung's age.

His father didn't see him he didn't want to cause a fuss and make his mother even more worried because, frankly, Heeseung was on the other side of town and late at night. But he couldn't hide it when he got home and told his mother. She was an amazing woman and didn't deserve the kind of thing that was happening right behind his back and that of the whole family.

Heeseung didn't know that he could feel as strongly repulsed by someone as he did by the man who, at that moment, staggered out of the bar with another woman hanging around his neck.

He felt nauseous, wanting to throw up the beers he had bought while his eyes stung and blurred. But the figure of the man on the other side who was dialing something on his cell phone was clear, waiting for the app car together with another woman. She was different from the woman Heeseung first caught him with, so his father was with a different one every time. That was even more disgusting.

"Let's go to my apartment, baby" he laughed out loud as soon as the car arrived, letting the woman get in first and him follow behind. Leaving Heeseung's sight as the car pulled away.

"Fucker" Heeseung kicked the glass bottle against the sidewalk to break it instantly.

The tears were already rolling freely down his face and he didn't care that he was crying, he'd held it in for so long since the last two days. He stayed in his room so that he could cry in peace without his mother or Hajun noticing. He didn't want to worry them because he was now the oldest male figure there. While his mother worked all the time at the company, Heeseung needed to be there for Hajun even if you were with him. 

His thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of Heeseung's cell phone, startling him briefly as he picked it up to see who was calling. His mother. 

Involuntarily, a sad smile formed amidst the tears and he didn't think twice about answering the call.

"Hi son, where are you?" she asked on the other end of the line.

"I came for a walk" he struggled to keep his voice from sounding so sad and tearful, clearing his throat as he sniffled "Is everything all right? Do you need anything?"

"Everything's fine, don't worry" she laughed, making Heeseung laugh too. That laugh that he missed, knowing that it was slowly coming back "It's just that a great opportunity has arisen to close a deal with another partner in the company and I'm going to have to travel to the neighboring city for a week."

"And Hajun?" he asked.

"I've just spoken to Y/n, she's going to sleep at home" his mother just passed on the information, showing that the decision had already been made. And even if it wasn't, Heeseung couldn't do much since he knew that his younger brother needed the nanny's care. He couldn't be available to look after Hajun.

"All right" he said afterward, "I'm coming home."

"Okay, my son. Come back carefully, okay?" she seemed to be smiling as she spoke, which warmed Heeseung's heart "Be a good boy with the two of them at home, please."

"I will" he replied "Bye mom, I love you."

"I love you more, my boy" and saying that, she hung up.

Heeseung felt less bad about his mother's call, but he still couldn't forget the scene he had seen a few minutes ago. He knew that his mother was moving on and accepting the divorce as best she could, but Heeseung couldn't forgive the betrayal. The way his father had acted in the face of everything. He hadn't spoken to the man since he found out, choosing to ignore his calls and messages and telling his mother not to go to the university. Heeseung didn't want to see him. He'd rather pretend he'd never met or lived with a lying father than have to say anything to the man.

Maybe he needed to go home like he said he would. His head was already beginning to buzz with disparaging and angry thoughts, which he wanted to get rid of quickly. 

A hot bath and a video game were all Heeseung needed at the moment to feel cleansed of everything he had witnessed that day. Not that it had been much, but he hadn't come home from university. He hadn't arrived at the same time as Hajun from school so that he could have lunch with him. Heeseung wandered around every familiar corner until he stopped at an app car and went straight to that damn bar. Now it was time to get another app car and go home.

Heeseung felt angry with himself for letting anger take over every fiber of his body, while he could do the same as his mother. Or even Hajun, who was already asking less about the man daily. Perhaps the younger brother wouldn't even remember his father if he wasn't mentioned, and the elder wanted it that way. He wanted his brother not to have the proximity he had to see how disgusting and untruthful the man who once lived with them was.

"Thank you" Heeseung thanked the driver as soon as he pulled up in front of his house, getting out of the car and waving quickly.

He took slow steps to the front door to see that everything was dark, you had probably already put Hajun to bed and that would be a relief. The two of you would be asleep and you wouldn't see the deplorable state that Heeseung had arrived home in.

In as much silence as he could manage, he unlocked the door and opened it, then locked it and looked around. Absolute silence inside the house. It brought Heeseung a little peace to think that the motherfucker he had seen earlier would never set foot in his house again.

He took off his shoes and the jacket he was wearing, throwing the garment on the sofa and feeling his body begin to tire. His throat was dry from the beers and from crying, his eyes would surely swell up because of it and Heeseung always forgot that fact. It was a pain. So maybe a little water would at least save his throat; he'd deal with his morning appearance later.

Heeseung walked to the kitchen only to feel a scream escape his mouth as the fridge door slammed shut. 

"Fuck" he put his hand over his chest as he looked at your equally frightened figure. You had also let out a little scream, but he only heard his own because his ears were ringing "Why is everything out?" he asked when he saw you moving away from the fridge.

"I thought you'd already arrived, I didn't want to disturb you" you held up the bottle of juice, probably something you'd drink while you were there until you fell asleep.

Heeseung just nodded and walked over to the light switch, squeezing his eyes shut along with you when the brightness hit. It didn't take long to get used to it before he looked at you, swallowing dryly as you looked back at him.

"Is everything okay?" you asked. Heeseung was going to ask why but forgot that his eyes and the tip of his nose were probably red because he had been crying.

Shit. Continuing with the light off could have been better.

"I don't want to talk about it" he replied immediately, his nervous tone returning as Heeseung looked away from you.

"Heeseung—"

"You're here to look after Hajun, right?" turning to look at you, Heeseung felt his eyes misting up again. He didn't know why he felt like crying while standing in front of you, one of the only people he didn't want to show himself vulnerable to apart from his younger brother and his mother "So why don't you do your job, and stop asking questions?"

For a split second, Heeseung saw your shoulders slump, the bottle of juice resting on the sink and your lips parting to say something. He blinked a few times to keep the tears from falling.

"What's your problem?" you finally said to him, your chest aching and your heart beating fast from nervousness "I have no idea what's happened to you" with each word, you took a tiny step towards him because Heeseung was blocking the passage from the kitchen worktop to the main door to leave the room. You had no choice but to approach him "But don't take your frustrations out on me!" you wanted to shout the last sentence, but out of respect for Hajun and for him being asleep, all you did was poke his chest a little harder. Pushing your index finger in there.

Heeseung closed his eyes as he felt your finger pushing him, but before you could push him away, he grabbed your hand. 

Your eyes widened at him because that was the first touch the two of you had shared since you started working at the Lee family home. His fingers were warm against your wrist and you wanted to struggle to get out of his grip, but without a doubt, Heeseung was stronger and faster. Pulling your body against his and wrapping his other arm around your waist.

It would be foolish to ask what or why, and even more foolish to try to get out of there because with every reluctant movement you made, he pulled your body even tighter against him. He tilted his face towards you, lowering it enough to touch his forehead to yours, and you took the opportunity to lean in and meet his lips halfway. 

The touch of Heeseung's lips was soft, his tongue pressing against your bottom lip was electrifying and when he wrapped the muscle around yours, you could taste the lingering taste of beer in his mouth. It wasn't as if you'd never drunk before, but feeling the alcohol in someone else's mouth, Heeseung's had made your whole body shiver.

He pulled your body closer until his big hands and firm fingers pressed your waist to your butt. Giving small touches to your thigh, he wanted to signal you to jump into his lap, and without disobeying you did so, already knowing that your butt would be in contact with the cold marble countertop in the kitchen. 

Your legs wrapped around Heeseung's waist and body to pull him closer while you lost yourself in his lips. It would be a lie to say that he didn't notice every detail of your face, and you would also be a hypocrite to say that you didn't look at him a little more closely when he wasn't looking at you. But feeling the softness of those lips that were always frowning in your direction was wonderful.

Heeseung lowered his lips to your chin and kissed down to your jaw, then down to your neck, and like a damn pro, he hit exactly the spot that made your whole body shudder. Your reaction couldn't have been different, letting out a sly moan and clamping your legs even tighter around him. When Heeseung's body tightened between your legs, he instinctively moved his hips towards your, thrusting his hips to give your better friction between his legs. 

Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging at each strand while your mouth worked wonders on his skin down to his collarbone. 

He moved his hips again, this time you could feel Heeseung's semi-hard cock pressing against your pajama-clad pussy. Moaning once more, you tugged on his hair as he lifted his head to kiss you again.

It was breathtaking how he felt between your legs, taken by your lips and touching your body with his fingertips. Your waist was perfect, fitting exactly between his palms as he pressed you even tighter against him. It was Heeseung's turn to moan against your lips when you planted your feet on his lower back to press Heeseung's hips even tighter against yours, nibbling on his lower lip to catch your breath.

"Y/n" he moaned your name and you almost whimpered and asked him to rip off all your clothes and fuck you right there. Heeseung would do it for sure, you wouldn't even think of denying it because of the way he was squeezing every curve of your body and chasing his lips to kiss you again.

If it hadn't been for the incessant crying upstairs. The two of you separated for a few seconds to see if you had heard the same thing. Heeseung's eyes traveled to yours and then to the kitchen door, hearing Hajun's crying again.

With great difficulty, he climbed out from between your legs, feeling the loss of contact grow cold between his fingers as he took a few steps back and took your hand to help you down from the worktop. Heeseung looked at you a little better this time. Lips reddened and the skin on your neck the same, a few bite marks he'd left while kissing there made him smile a little sideways as he saw your eyes go down to his cock.

"Oh" Heeseung threw his oversized blouse over it, even though it only covered half of his lower body, but he couldn't stop it. 

You'd even tease him about how beautiful he looked with his hair messed up – by you – and his red mouth too inviting to keep kissing. But Hajun had called your name, taking you away from all the unholy thoughts you were having in the kitchen with Heeseung.

"Shit" you turned away from Heeseung and watched him throw his head back, as frustrated as you were to get it over with as the two of you ran to the top of the stairs. Climbing each step a little faster until you entered Hajun's room and were followed by his older brother "Hey, I'm here."

"I had a bad dream, Y/n" he was crying, hugging your body quickly as soon as you sat on the edge of the bed.

You kissed the top of Hajun's head and looked at the door, beckoning Heeseung to come in too. And so he did.

"Hey buddy, are you okay?" Heeseung knelt beside the bed where you were sitting with Hajun.

"Seungie" the younger man pulled out of your embrace, this time choosing to hug his brother, "I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to tell us what it was like?" Heeseung asked.

Hajun remained quiet for a while still hugging Heeseung, probably calming down from the fright he'd had as he got out of his brother's arms and lay back on the bed. You dried the stubborn tears from his face with such a gentle touch, that it made Heeseung wonder if you would have done the same for him if you had seen him cry earlier.

What kind of fucking thought is that, Heeseung? He pushed any thoughts of this aside and focused on the scene in front of him, seeing that Hajun looked a little calmer as he sighed.

"I dreamt about my father" the mention of the man, made Heeseung's jaw clenched, and he wanted to curse himself so much for seeing that your eyes were on him now. Surely this could come up as a topic of conversation or, worse, now you could find out about his father. And that was a subject Heeseung didn't want anyone to know about.

"And do you remember what it was like?" you asked.

"Never mind, Hajun's tired—"

"He fought with me in the dream" Hajun interrupted Heeseung who was already on his feet, he didn't want to pace around while listening to his brother's dream "And then I saw him beating up Seungie and leaving the house with my favorite teddy bear."

Before Hajun could cry again, you grabbed one of his hands and kissed it.

"It was just a dream, it won't happen, Junie" trying to reassure the little boy that it would never happen was easier than you thought. He smiled at you.

"Promise you won't let it happen? That you'll look after me, but Heeseung too?"

Hajun's eyes were so pleading and piteous. You wondered if Heeseung did the same thing when he wanted something. But also, you wondered why that had been said. Why had Hajun asked you to do that kind of thing?

Your lack of words made Heeseung restless, moving from side to side until he went to the bedroom door. Perhaps you had been clear in your attitude that you were only there to look after Hajun. He just didn't know why it was bothering him so much, leaving a slight tightness in his chest. It could be because of his brother's dream, of course! That was it, wasn't it? Or was it his lack of an answer?

Heeseung didn't want to think too much, he didn't want to let anything get to him. But he was completely wrong when standing in the doorway of Hajun's room, he heard you.

"I promise, Junie."

If before it was inevitable not to look at you while you were around, now it seemed impossible for Heeseung to look away from you. Even having to spend a whole week with just you, him, and Hajun. 

The boy had the vivid memory of your lips against him in that kitchen every time he saw you say something. Your mouth moved to answer something his younger brother or talk on the phone to his mother because she called and wanted to know if everything was okay. Heeseung wanted to curse himself for remembering the sounds you made and how he felt when he got between your legs. It might have sounded pathetic to any guy who said it out loud, especially if it was about you.

He'd certainly heard half an hour of Jake's lecture about what had happened, especially as he didn't dare to say much afterward.

"She thinks I'm an idiot, then?" Heeseung asked.

"More than usual? Absolutely" Jake wanted to throw anything in his hand at his friend's head, especially after he saw the gleam in Heeseung's eye when he talked about you.

It was clear that all that denial was turning into attraction and Sim knew it would, he didn't read the silly novels that Ryunjin pushed at him for nothing, something would have to do and sure enough, it was the analysis he'd done on your – unofficial – relationship with Heeseung. Something he kept quiet until his older friend opened his mouth and told him everything.

At first, the kiss had been something that had shocked Jake, after all, Heeseung couldn't spend two seconds next to you without an argument breaking out. But as he went on to tell you about the events and how he had been acting around you during that week, something in Jake clicked. It wasn't necessarily a crush, but something in Heeseung about finding you attractive or starting to take a romantic interest in you.

"That's got to be a joke, doesn't it?" Heeseung turned to Jake and then looked at Sunghoon, another friend of the two of them who always listened to the lamentations and frustrations about how Heeseung had argued – again – with you.

"Firstly, you didn't deny it at any point when Jake talked about you being attracted to Y/n ever since we arrived" Sunghoon leaned back even further in the café chair, holding back a smile when he saw his friend's eyes go wide "Secondly, you kissed her, like, do you do that with someone you can't stand?"

Heeseung wanted to say yes, that was exactly it. It would be normal to kiss someone he can't stand, right? But the question would be... Why can't he stand himself? 

After keeping quiet for a while, he tried to forget how right his friends were because he didn't want to dwell on something he was struggling to forget, especially since his mother's week away was over and that meant you'd be going back home. No more seeing you at home all the time, at least not alone. This would give him time to think more calmly and put all his thoughts in order, which could make him even more confused if it were possible.

Sighing heavily after returning from university, Heeseung just wanted to throw himself on his bed and forget about all that mental confusion for the next few days. Isolate himself, do his homework, and pretend you weren't downstairs in his house. Maybe that would be easy. Maybe he could ignore it a little and try not to run around looking like an idiot in front of you because he's had a whole week, uninterrupted, to say a single word to you. But no, Heeseung couldn't.

At least he said good morning and smiled at you every day while you were with Hajun, right? You shouldn't smile back, you shouldn't make him almost scream internally because you were being nice to him. 

Shit, Heeseung. You sound like a teenager, you idiot. He might even have continued talking in his head if it hadn't been for the voices coming from the living room. 

Heeseung didn't want to think that he had arrived at his house after you and that he would see the scene of you fooling around with Hajun. He tried to run as far as he could when Jake gave him a lift so he wouldn't have to wait for you to get home and have lunch with you. At least not that day. But to the boy's surprise, the voices were much more different than his own. 

And he knew – unfortunately – who it was.

"Look, you're here" in the old days, Heeseung would have given anything to hear that voice cheerfully after coming home from school, perhaps if he were in eighth grade again. But coming home from university with a sick feeling in his stomach, he just wanted to throw up as he looked at his father.

"Son" his mother got up from the sofa where she was, not so close to his father, and they both seemed to be having an amicable conversation before Heeseung arrived.

"What are you doing here?" he asked directly to the man who was trying to smile in his direction.

"Your father called me yesterday, he misses you and Hajun" his mother had the sweetest voice of all, and on any occasion. Heeseung wanted to ask her how she was feeling in the presence of that man. It was impossible to have such a beautiful smile and calm voice after everything he had done.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he knew that his pent-up anger would come out somehow, he just didn't want to explode in front of his mother. At least Hajun wasn't there.

"I asked your mother to spend a weekend with you and Hajun" he took a step forward to try to get closer to Heeseung. The boy did the same, mustering the only ounce of sanity he had not to slam his fist into the man's face. Unfortunately, it was still his father.

"I won't, and you won't get Hajun out of this house."

"Heeseung" his mother called out.

"What's your problem, Mom? Really?" Heeseung turned away from his father and walked to the middle of the room to approach his mother. It was almost like a plea when he let out, "After everything he's done, you still have the nerve to let him in and allow this? No!"

"He's still your father, my son" she smiled weakly "And it's only a weekend..."

"No" he said.

The protests could continue, Heeseung knew that this discussion would be so long that they would spend hours in that room. They shouted and protested that they wouldn't leave, but the door opened quickly.

Hajun's hurried footsteps and the conversation he was having with you were the reason the three of them shut up immediately.

"I can't do without this ice cream, Y/n. Please" Hajun whined. When you laughed, it was the only thing that could make Heeseung relax his shoulders, even if he didn't want to admit it. The sound of your laughter so close up awakened something in him.

"We can go to the other side of town after you've done your homework" you said, making the little boy giggle. Okay, maybe you were right, but he'd still convince you to go across town to the best ice cream parlor you and he had visited last week.

"Dad?" Hajun was the first to enter the room, looking at the scene before him. Upon hearing this, you took a few more hurried steps behind the little boy to be equally shocked by what you were seeing.

The father of the Lee family was there, for the first time since you started babysitting Hajun. Mrs. Lee had a small smile when she saw the little boy go towards her to hug him affectionately. But what caught your eye was Heeseung's furious look. That look you knew because it was the only thing you saw all that time, except when he looked at Hajun or his mother.

So Heeseung was angry at his father, the man who was smiling at you at that moment.

"Hello, you're..." he tried to make conversation when he saw that no one would say anything.

"Oh, I'm Y/n, Hajun's nanny" you approached to greet the smiling man, smiling too. But as soon as your hand almost touched him, a strong tug on your wrist made you stagger backward.

Your eyes quickly searched for the reason to find Heeseung already looking at you.

"Come up with Hajun, please" he ordered.

"Heeseung..."

"Not now, just go up with him" he whispered when he saw that Hajun was engaged in an awkward conversation with his father and mother "And stay there as long as you can."

"Are you okay?" Heeseung didn't want to have another clash of feelings at that moment, especially with your gaze so intensely on him. So he just nodded quickly and looked away to the other three.

"Junie, go upstairs with Y/n. I heard you need to do your homework..."

"But I wanted to meet the babysitter and, well, spend some time with your brother" the older man seemed quite nice, but if that was the reason Heeseung was clenching his hands into fists, it was certainly a false front.

"Hajun, go with Y/n" was the older brother's final word, and from the way the little boy didn't even question it, you knew it was something much more delicate.

As a silent apology, Mrs. Lee waved to you and Hajun before going upstairs to the youngest's room.

"Do you want to take a shower before you start your homework?" you asked, going to his closet to get some clothes that were more comfortable than his school uniform.

Searching for some sweat shorts and a T-shirt, you turned towards him to see Hajun's eyes redden and shine. Running up to the little one, you knelt in front of him before feeling little arms encircling your neck.

"Hey, hey, hey... Are you okay?" you whispered as you hugged him, sitting down on the floor to welcome the little one into a tight embrace.

"I don't like it, Y/n... I don't like it."

"What? What don't you like?" as you asked, your hands went straight to the little one's hair to stroke it as you let him cry in your embrace.

Hajun cried silently for a few minutes, sobbing softly as he felt a little safer in your arms.

"The last time Dad was here..." he sighed between whimpers, lifting his head a little to meet your face "He and Heeseung had a nasty fight, but neither of them knows that I know."

"Your mother knows?" you asked, Hajun agreed.

It was the night the betrayal came to light that Heeseung didn't want to put his mother through all that lying to sustain a marriage that was only for her. His father had been gone for a long time, or at least trying to maintain an appearance that didn't exist.

Hajun was supposed to be asleep that night, but Heeseung's furious shouts woke him up, causing him to get out of bed and open the bedroom door with a crack. Hearing the swearing and shouting, he also heard something. It sounded like a struggle. Mrs. Lee's crying aroused Hajun's despair and he almost went downstairs to see what was going on, why Heeseung was cursing his father. Hajun had never heard his older brother swear like that.

But before he could go downstairs, his mother stopped midway with watery eyes and a silent plea for him to go back to his room.

"Stay here, okay? And don't tell them about it" Hajun knew something was very wrong because he had never seen his mother cry. And after a few minutes, the fighting seemed to stop. 

The front door slammed hard and then Hajun tried to forget what had happened for so long until he only remembered after seeing his father's figure standing there in the middle of the room. They were flashes of the small event that was much bigger, and it made you even more curious because Hajun's words were few, even though they contained a lot of information since you were left in the dark when you arrived.

At least there was something to know, but it wasn't as if you needed to ask him everything either. You just wanted to protect him and you would do that, the questions could come later.

"God, dude, stop drinking" Jake whined as Heeseung poured himself another glass, ignoring his friend's protests.

"Why?" he asked "As far as I remember, we came here because I'm sad and I need to get drunk."

"Drunk is fine, but not to the point of vomiting" Jake took another glass away from Heeseung "I'm taking you away and I don't want anyone vomiting in my car."

It was a fair point, but Heeseung didn't want to make a big deal out of it. He wanted to forget the last few weeks.

He wanted to forget that, unfortunately, his father had had a shitty, friendly talk with his mother, agreeing that he would take Hajun away for at least one weekend to go for a walk or do something nice. Even if the boy's fights and constant swearing came to nothing. He knew he couldn't stop it, not legally, so as long as nothing happened to the little boy, Heeseung vowed not to speak a word to his father. 

Then he became even more frustrated by your presence in his home, and this was because, as the days went by, he realized that he could feel something. Not even the slightest something for you. But what he didn't count on was the fury that went through his whole being when he saw you laughing with a boy in the university cafeteria. Heeseung hardly ever saw you there, or if he did, it was always with Ryunjin, so why did it bother him so much?

The last fact had been a state secret, none of his friends knew anything about it. So they attributed Heeseung's bad mood and sadness to the events with his father and how powerless he felt to let Hajun meet the man he hated most on the face of the earth.

"I might as well go home alone" Heeseung flashed all his pearly teeth in a childish grin when Sunghoon arrived with a few more glasses.

He was such a savior of the fatherland, making his sad friend, who just wanted to get drunk at that moment, happy.

"So why did you ask me for a ride?" Jake raised one eyebrow, smiling "Why did you say you wouldn't drive and I was supposed to take you back home?"

"Because you love me and would do anything for me" Heeseung picked up another glass and turned away from Jake to drink.

There was no point in arguing or stopping the tallest boy from drinking that night, not even Sunghoon could do it. The only way out was to surrender and let Heeseung enjoy as much as he could, even if Jake sneered every time the glass was against Lee's lips.

He wondered what the car would look like if it swayed too much while he was taking Heeseung home, or what he would look like in the back seat or even in the back if he had to take Sunghoon too.

And it was this scene that Jake found himself in, a few hours later, as he carried his two best friends out of the bar. Sunghoon was in the driver's seat to guide the way while Heeseung sat in the back seat, his legs wide apart and his head resting against the back of the seat.

Jake looked in the rearview mirror, afraid that some fluid would come out of Heeseung's mouth or that he would have to stop abruptly so that his friend would run off and vomit. But no, the journey continued normally until the three of them stopped in front of Lee's house. Meanwhile, Heeseung's mind was far away. Closed eyes had been a plague on his life for the past few weeks because every time it happened, your face would appear in his mind. It was something Heeseung tried at all costs to ignore. Something he swore to himself that if it happened again, he would have to take action.

And it was impossible not to think about you after the last scene he saw, your smile at that other boy still played like a memorized movie in his mind and even if you hadn't meant it, Heeseung had no right to feel that way. He was the one who had been a jerk to you all along, you couldn't be expected to be sweet to him about it. 

"Heeseung" Sunghoon called out, turning back to touch his friend's knee. He opened his eyes slowly, getting used to the idea of seeing his friend's face and not his own in his thoughts.

"What's up?" he asked as soon as he was off the bench and sitting properly.

"We're here" Jake said, turning off the car "Do you want us to go in with you?"

A while of silence was enough for Heeseung's mind to wander even further and, without realizing it, it had already come out of his mouth without giving him a chance to regret it.

"Take me to Y/n's house."

"What the fuck?" Sunghoon almost shouted. Jake turned around abruptly, almost hitting Sunghoon head-on.

"Dude, what the fuck? Why are you asking me this?" he asked.

Really, why was he asking this? Heeseung didn't have an effective explanation for it, much less did he think he should. He just felt like it.

"I don't know, I just need to see her now and..." a long sigh came from his lips, Heeseung allowed himself to run one hand through his hair as he looked at Jake and then at Sunghoon "I need to make up for the shit I've done and tell her that I can't stop thinking about her."

"Oh" the two friends said at the same time, Jake swallowing down the urge to shout and say that it was all part of the little novel he'd written in his head about you and Heeseung. But that would be something for future conversations.

"Only if you tell me something" Jake said.

"Whatever you want to know" since everything was screwed up, there was no point in hiding anything from his best friend.

"Your father wasn't the only reason we were at the bar hours ago, was he?"

The shy smile that Heeseung tried to hide by biting his lower lip said it all, he didn't need a specific word for Jake or Sunghoon. It was clear how exactly that said that you had also been a reason, even if neither of them knew what it was. 

Seeing Heeseung like that was new for the two boys sitting in the driver's and passenger's seats, so all that was left was for Jake to start the car again and drive to your apartment. Without asking Heeseung any questions about it. 

But nothing stopped Sunghoon from making fun of him the whole way.

Words of encouragement were a mantra in the boy's mind who, with every step into the building where you lived, felt his whole body tremble. It was strange to be feeling this way, even more so for him who had never been this attached. Heeseung had never really thought that a girl could make him so nervous that he almost tripped over his own feet as he entered the elevator.

What could he say to you when he knocked on your door? That he wanted to see you? That would be something you wouldn't believe, even if it was the only truth he could tell you. 

It made Heeseung rethink everything he'd ever said to you and the way he'd treated you since he met you. He didn't mean to be rude and he knew that it was all a reflection of what he had experienced with his father's disagreements. You, unfortunately, were the only person around and he didn't want the sight of someone new coming into his house. Because the last person to come out from under that roof had made a huge stranger in his life.

Heeseung didn't want to give in to someone like you, who came so easily into the Lee family's life and won over even his mother. The way she talked to you, the way she treated you like a member of the family. Heeseung rolled his eyes every time his mother brought the same candies, but not just for him and Hajun, she brought them for you too. Or how affectionate she was with you when you were at his house, chatting like old friends and laughing at things he didn't understand. He didn't want to understand why his mother was so happy after finding out she had been betrayed while Heeseung was suffering and disgusted by his father's image.

It was something he hadn't understood until recently. Maybe all the answers were right in front of his eyes, he just didn't want to accept it yet. So he needed to throw his hands up in the air and knock on your door right then and there, and that's exactly what he did.

He didn't know how you would react and he didn't want to, just looking at you would be enough for him to smile and walk away. Maybe apologize and say some lame excuse the next day and hope you believed his words.

Heeseung heard footsteps from inside the apartment and some mumbling that you were already on your way, indicating that you weren't ready for visitors or were far enough away to answer the door. Apprehension gripped his entire body as he took a few steps closer to hear what was going on inside.

As soon as you opened it, finishing putting on one of the sleeves of your long coat, Heeseung's world seemed to stop right there.

You were beautiful. More beautiful than he'd ever seen you before. Sharing the same roof with you for a week when his mother went away gave him the right to see you in your pajamas practically every night, but he didn't know that you looked even more beautiful in light silk pajamas and wearing a wool coat to cover your exposed arms. 

"Heeseung?" your voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he looked at your face, the shock and curiosity screaming in your eyes making him feel euphoric. He didn't know what to say as he saw that you were still standing there, slightly startled by his presence.

He opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds to say something, but nothing seemed to come out. It was as if Heeseung had unlearned how to say anything because your gaze was making him shy.

When you took a step towards him, as if to get the attention of the boy in front of you, Heeseung didn't reason enough. He just raised one of his hands to touch the wool of your jacket and pulled you forward. The slow thud of your body against his made you let out a startled cry, which soon calmed down when Heeseung looked you in the eye.

"Jake gave me your address," he whispered "I needed to come here."

"Why?" your low voice sent all kinds of sensations through Heeseung's body and he wanted to be able to run away, but he limited himself. Squeezing his fingers against the wool of your jacket and loosening the fabric little by little.

"Because I want to talk to you, can we?" it was your time to deny it, tell him to go home and carry on without talking to Heeseung because a conversation with him would never end well.

But it wasn't like you to do anything you really should, so you gave him the go-ahead to enter your apartment and guide him to the sofa. Asking him to sit down before disappearing down the corridors. Just long enough for Heeseung to take off his jacket and put it on the armchair next to him, then sit down on the larger sofa and look around. Trying to get as many details as possible in case one day you asked him what he thought of your apartment.

Not that it mattered, he could say he'd need to go there more often to notice anything different. But remembering the first time you were here could be something useful and nice, perhaps.

"Here" you came back into the living room with a glass of water in your hands, walking over to the sofa where he was sitting and handing him the glass.

"Thanks" he said after taking the glass, drinking almost all the water in a matter of seconds. This was an indication of how nervous he still was after feeling your weight next to him on the sofa, the closest you'd been since the kiss you two had shared in the kitchen at his house.

Heeseung placed his glass on the coffee table and continued to stare at his own feet as he sighed slowly, clasping his hands together and playing with his fingers.

"My relationship with my father is the worst of all, and you've realized that haven't you?" you mumbled when he asked, albeit rhetorically, letting him continue his train of thought when he looked at you straight away "He cheated on my mother and ruined our family."

Oh. So that's why Heeseung was so harsh in his father's presence. And you couldn't understand how someone could betray Mrs. Lee, even if she was such an incredible woman.

"When my mother hired you, it was because she wanted to keep Hajun entertained most of the time and she knew I wouldn't be able to do that because I signed up for everything the university offered. Just so I wouldn't stay at home and have to deal with my father showing up."

Heeseung hated to lie that he had been neglectful to his younger brother about this, but he also couldn't risk bumping into his father and ending up fighting with the man in his younger brother's presence. That's when Mrs. Lee hired you as a nanny. Having someone to give the little one the attention that neither she nor Heeseung could be her priority. Someone you knew – even if you and Heeseung didn't speak to each other at the time – made the woman feel relieved because you seemed to have hit it off with the little one straight away.

"Seeing you integrate into the family made me feel angry because no one could like such a broken family with a false front" Heeseung was still looking at you, but his thoughts were a little more distant when he rambled "My mother wasn't happy when she hired you as a nanny. Hajun wasn't so happy when he met you and he only did it because my mother asked him to be nice to whoever was going to take care of him" a long sigh came from Heeseung's lips, looking away from you. "And I didn't accept that someone would be so nice to us because the last person who treated me, my brother, and my mother, so well, betrayed all of us."

You listened intently, seeing how broken Heeseung was inside your home. Opening his heart to you and asking for nothing in return.

He spoke for the first time about what it was like to have caught his father that night at the bar, how he felt the anger consume his body, and how he fought so many times until the man finally left the house. The divorce proceedings were kept under wraps because Hajun couldn't have known that something bad was going on, and your role was important in distracting him.

Heeseung admitted everything. And all the bad treatment he's given you since he met you was because he didn't know how to separate what was bad with his father, and that it shouldn't show to anyone. You wouldn't be like his father to anyone in the family, but amid the whole divorce process, you were there. Doing good for the Lee family without even knowing it.

And he didn't think he deserved it. I knew that Hajun deserved everything wonderful because he would spare his brother any bad feelings, but when you started being nice to Heeseung, he only knew how to be defensive. 

You weren't supposed to greet him every time you were at home, you weren't supposed to flash smiles in his direction, let alone wave after a short answer he gave. Heeseung was rude – even for no reason – and you were still nice to him. Or at least polite. He wanted to believe that it was out of pure politeness and because Hajun was almost always around.

"I know I was a complete idiot and you never deserved that anyway" he slid his hand up to rest on your knee, feeling the slow touch of your fingers against his. Hesitantly, you took Heeseung's hand to intertwine your fingers in each other's "And that day in my kitchen..."

"We don't— Don't need to talk about..."

"I want to talk about it" he interrupted you, squeezing your fingers lightly and looking at you. This forced you to look at him too and maintain eye contact as you listened to every word Heeseung had to say "It was the day I saw my father in the bar, I left very angry."

You wanted to ask why he had gone after his father because Heeseung liked to beat himself up about it. But perhaps that was a conversation for another time, his gaze was so intent on you that all you could think about was every word he said.

"When I got home and you were in the kitchen, arguing was so unbearable that I acted on impulse when I kissed you and..." Heeseung's gaze dropped to your mouth, his Adam's apple bobbing with a dry gulp as he swallowed his saliva nervously "I didn't regret it, because I wanted it again."

"You—"

"I don't know what you did, Y/n, but I can't stop thinking about that day" neither can I, you wanted to answer, but hearing you say everything without a hint of pressure was wonderful. Maybe you'd confess later, but hearing his confession first was much better "You make me nervous, and want to kiss you every time we're near each other."

It was your turn to swallow. Heeseung was still staring at your mouth as if he were mesmerized by every detail of your lips when he felt your hand break away from his and go to the face next to you. You pulled him by the chin and felt Heeseung's breath against your skin from the sudden contact.

"We're too close now, what can you do?" you whispered.

He knew very well what to do and he wasn't going to waste any more time as he had done in previous weeks. Heeseung allowed his lips to touch yours slowly, but showing the urgency he had to feel you like that again.

You completely surrendered to the moment of having to kiss Heeseung again, this time knowing the exact moment when he asked for permission to enter your mouth with his tongue and how much slower his lips were now. Each movement was well appreciated as his hands slid down to your waist and yours ran to the back of his neck. Pulling Heeseung close, almost as if he wanted to fuse him against your body. And he would certainly do that if necessary.

But all he did was lay you back against the sofa while still maintaining the slow rhythm of the kiss, sighing against your lips as you spread your legs to accommodate Heeseung's body between them. It was a scene from heaven to be there again and in a slightly better position than sitting on a kitchen worktop. Heeseung could have sworn he cried in the middle of that kiss at being so close to you again.

Like a memory from last time, as soon as you both felt the need for air and he slid his mouth over yours, a moan came out of his throat. As sly as if he was really inside you when Heeseung kissed a specific spot on your neck.

That sound triggered something in him that, at the same moment, Heeseung pressed his hips against yours so that you could feel the full effect that just one kiss had on him.

"Hee..." you whispered as he returned with kisses all over your skin until he reached your earlobe, nibbling the skin slowly before aligning his face with yours again.

"You wouldn't be able to stop me now, would you?" he whispered back, kissing your mouth as slowly as he moved his hips against yours. It was torturous and at the same time sensual to feel Heeseung's tongue slide against yours at the same pace as he pressed his hard cock between your legs.

You moaned once more, anchoring your legs and holding his body there. Helping with the pressure and making him moan this time, biting his lower lip to break the kiss.

"You're going to be the death of me, Y/n" he gasped as he looked into your eyes. The fucking beautiful expression with the disheveled hair and droopy eyes, red mouth and chest rising and falling to normalize breathing.

"My room isn't too far from here" you pulled him back to you, feeling his lips hover over yours. Heeseung's smile widened even more.

"Good" he sealed his lips to yours "I haven't stopped wondering how this would end since the day I kissed you in that damn kitchen."

He wrapped his arms around you, lifting you off the sofa to pick you up and carry you to your room with your instructions along the way. 

Heeseung just didn't know that you were also thinking about it, about to unravel all that thought.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

[loonylupinblack3]

First Win

Pairing: Lando Norris x Reader

Summary: in which Lando's first win helps the two of you finally get together

Warnings: swearing, my utter HAPPINESS AND AWE THAT LANDO WON, also not edited bc i wanted to post it as soon as possible

Word count: 1.1k

A/N: you guys dont UNDERSTAND how fucking happy i am im literally sobbing oh my GOD

You were pushing your way through the crowd, trying to find Lando, all the while your heart was fucking soaring. You were so proud of him, probably one of your closest friends, finally achieving this incredible success in his career. He deserved all of it and more, and you were so proud of him.

Getting P8 yourself, you weren’t upset with your score, though you could have done better, but it seemed insignificant compared to Lando’s win and how excited you were for him. You knew you probably wouldn’t get to talk to him until much later; he was the star of the day, a very busy man with hundreds of people demanding his attention, but you hoped for at least a look of him, maybe if you were lucky a smile, to show your utter joy of him winning.

The grid was packed, however, and even with your status as a driver it was still a challenge getting through the swarms of people. You pushed and shoved, mumbling apologies, almost desperate to see your friend before he went on the podium.

You and Lando were close. Even for co-workers you guys had a special relationship. You just clicked, able to understand each other without having to work for it. Even only actually knowing each other for a few years you felt you’d known him for a lifetime.

Sure, there may have been some… other feelings towards him that you harboured, but you refused to let them risk your friendship with Lando so you kept them hidden, shoved deep inside you and pretended to be ignored, even though in reality they seemed to have a chokehold on you.

You didn’t know if Lando felt the same and honestly weren’t sure if you wanted to know. You already had this incredible relationship with him, this understanding you shared with no one else, and you weren’t willing to risk it for anything, even to end the aching longing you felt sometimes when looking at him.

You finally managed to push your way through the crowd, now at the edge of a couple fences blocking the part of the grid where only certain F1 employees were able to be. Usually you wouldn’t have been able to go, what with you receiving an eighth position and not a podium, but you were determined to see Lando closer, maybe even give him a quick hug.

You were just so fucking proud of him, and you didn’t know what to do with the overwhelming feeling. He’d opened up to you multiple times in the past, confessing his feelings of failure, of being unable to get a win and how much that affected him, how shameful he was because of it. You knew how much his lack of wins haunted him and his career, so to gain a win, to achieve something like this, it was truly amazing, and your pride for him was overflowing. 

You managed to wheedle your way through the fences, using your driver status and known close friendship with Lando to your advantage, slipping through and immediately looking around for the Miami Grand Prix winner.

You followed the sound of cheering, rounding a corner to find the massive group of Mclaren employees behind a small fence, with Lando on top of them crowd surfing, laughing and looking like the happiest man alive.

Today he was exactly that.

You stood to the side, grinning like a maniac seeing Lando so happy. Your heart was near bursting, you couldn’t stop smiling even if you wanted to. You stayed silent though, not wanting to drag attention to yourself and get kicked out, but seeing him so fucking happy was more than enough for you.

So when Lando distractedly glanced around, a joyous smile on his face, and saw you, his smile widening, your heart warmed. You told yourself it was nothing big, but when he left his team to walk over to you, jog over, actually, your smile turned even bigger.

“Congratulations,” you exclaimed before leaping into his arms, wrapping your own tightly around his neck. His own hands came up to hug you back, holding you tightly against him. “I’m so fucking proud of you Lando.”

Lando squeezed you tighter, still not letting go. You were more than content to stay in his arms, pressing your head into the crook of his neck, ignoring the flashing cameras that would be following Lando for the rest of the day.

When the two of you eventually pulled back, however reluctantly, Lando was beaming. He looked gorgeous like that, genuinely happy, nothing able to bring down his mood. He was riding the high of winning, still heavily influenced by the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Maybe what was why he kissed you, in front of millions of people, taking them and you by surprise. Or maybe it was because he was having the perfect fucking day, and having you in his arms would have made it all the more better.

Either way you were certainly taken off guard as Lando stared at you for a split-second, eyes tracing your face before they landed on your lips, and then the next second he was leaning in and pressing his lips against yours.

There was an onslaught of noise as he did it, the cameras going crazy, people yelling and cheering, yet it was all distant. All you could focus on was Lando’s soft lips against yours, dragging his mouth across your own.

You kissed him back without thinking, your hands snaking back around his neck. His hand gripped your waist, tugging you closer as he deepened the kiss, his tongue flicking your lower lip and forcing you to swallow a moan lest you want the whole world to hear it.

Lando had the gall to grin against your lips, no doubt hearing your gasp before you could muffle it completely. You pulled back, giving him a ‘what the fuck man’ stare and he just shrugged, keeping his hand firmly around your waist.

You shook your head but your emotions were in overdrive, everything inside you screaming for more. You pressed your head into the crook of his neck again, hearing his soft chuckle as his hands roamed your back.

“We are having a very serious talk after this,” you whispered in his ear.

He paused, before whispering back, “good or bad?”

You pulled back to stare at Lando, his curls sticking to his forehead from sweat, his eyes alight with an excitement you hadn’t seen in a while, his face slightly red from exertion and happiness.

You smiled at him. “Definitely good.”

Lando grinned and pulled you back for another kiss, blatantly ignoring the paparazzi around you. He murmured into your lips, “I’m so fucking lucky.”

You couldn’t help but ask, “how so?”

He grinned against your lips again. “Winning the race and the girl in one day.”

[cakelitter]

Snuggle Up

Leon x Puppy- Hybrid Fem! Reader

warnings: p in v, dirty talking, slight somnophilia, pussy slapping, slight degradation

summary:  Sighing, you stare at the ceiling, thinking of a possible solution to finally be able to rest. Well… there is one way to solve it.

Sleeping next to Leon.

Getting wrapped up in his muscly embrace and being surrounded with his scent will surely scare away all of the thunder. One problem however, you’re not welcomed in his bed anymore.

words: 2.7k

a/n: sleepy and irritated Leon is so ughhh. Hope you enjoy him as much as I do!!

Thunder rumbles, over and over again, making sure your eyes don’t get a moment of rest. It’s been storming the past few days, but today has to be the worst day yet. Gloomy skies making it hard to tell what time of the day it is.

And there you are, bundled up in bed at four am with your tail tucked in between your legs whenever lightning strikes.  What if the house gets struck? Then you’ll be homeless again, living on the streets and getting kicked by random drunk men on the road. God no, no, no, anything but that again.

You twist and turn in bed, but it all comes useless at easing your worries. You’ve tried everything, counting sheep, counting to a hundred, and placing the pillow over your head, trying to block the sound from your floppy ears.

Should’ve known the last one wouldn’t work, your hearing is good, amazing actually. You’re grateful for that, getting to eavesdrop on Leon’s phone calls when he’s inside the office that you’re not allowed in, or listening to the couple upstairs fight about chores for the third time this week.

However, in this current circumstance, you wish you could just rip them off and sleep in peace. You have the comfiest mattress, with the comfiest pillows, and a hoard of stuffed animals to keep all the scary monsters that will try to grab your legs at bay.

 Sighing, you stare at the ceiling, thinking of a possible solution to finally be able to rest. Well… there is one way to solve it.

Sleeping next to Leon.

Getting wrapped up in his muscly embrace and being surrounded with his scent will surely scare away all of the thunder. One problem however, you’re not welcomed in his bed anymore.

Apparently, you kick in your sleep, hoard the blanket, and drool a lot, and he’s not getting enough sleep because of that.

How rude.

You are doing him the courtesy of warming his bed and dog piling on him like you did as young pup with your litter mates to keep him warm, and he doesn’t even appreciate that.

And so, you have to sleep in your own bed now. Is he not scared for your safety? What if a murderer sneaked through your window and tried to hurt you? So what if you live seven stories high, it’s still not safe!

Clearly Leon doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and is not taking your safety seriously like an owner should.

Maybe you can just sneak into his bed without waking him up. Pinky promising that you will be on your best behavior. No kicking, no hoarding, no dog piling, and no drooling. Easy Peasy.

Grabbing your pillow, you head over to his room across the hall. Your hand reaches over to the door knob, and slowly twists it, making sure it doesn’t creek too loud.

The bathroom light seeps into the dark bedroom, illuminating the sight of Leon’s bare back to you. His hair is splayed out across the white pillow case as his chest rising and falling with mellow breaths.

Closing the door behind you, you make your way to his bed, placed against the wall in the corner of the room. Tiptoeing just like how you see in the colorful cartoons you watch. You spot an empty space on the bed, but you have to climb over Leon to get there.

He’s a light sleeper, not sure if he’s always been like this; however, life events definitely have a play in that. Luckily though, today he came back from work exhausted.

Promised you to watch a movie together, well you ended up watching the movie while he snored next to you. And as soon as it ended, he got up, placed a kiss on your forehead and dragged himself to bed. Maybe you were having extra trouble falling asleep because you didn’t get enough pets and love today.

You have needs, and they need to be met.

Never were the high maintenance type, used to be grateful whenever someone felt bad for your sorry ass and threw you a half-eaten chicken nugget. Staring at them and their food so intensely, praying that they drop dead so you could eat whatever’s left.

But things are different now, you sleep with a full stomach and a worry-free brain.

Placing one knee on the mattress, feeling it shift with your weight, you place your palm on the soft surface and begin to crawl over.

Is there a smarter way to be doing this? Absolutely.

But you like a little fun challenge.

As your torso is above Leon’s sleeping body, you feel him shift a bit, making you hold your breath and cross your fingers that he doesn’t think you’re an intruder. His instincts would activate so fast, you’d be slammed onto the wall on the other side of the room within a heartbeat.

Thankfully, he doesn’t wake up, and you successfully manage to make it onto the bed. Taking in a deep breath and smiling, proud of yourself, you place your head on your pillow and take one final look at your sleeping owner.

His brows are relaxed, the knots that are usually there disappearing. Shallow breaths are the only sound echoing through the silent room along with light snores here and there. He sleeps shirtless, always had. Although when he used to let you sleep with him, he’d put on a shirt because “it’s not appropriate” or whatever.

It’s honestly bullshit, because you sleep in nothing other than an oversized shirt and panties and he never asked you to change.

Either way, he’s now top naked in front of you, blessing you with tits and all.

Listen, you’re no male anatomy enthusiast or anything like that, but you’re a Leon enthusiast because he is your favorite person in the whole world. Hence, you will in fact admire the view whenever you have the chance.

One of his massive arms is placed beneath his head to provide support while the other is draped over the bed; close to you. Chiseled abs peeking above the duvet cover, and few pieces of hair covering his face.

You want to bite him, a sweet little love bite to show your appreciation. But you have a feeling that he wouldn’t be a huge fan of that. So, shaking that idea out of your head, you pull the covers over you and close your eyes.

Tense muscles begin to relax and breaths become slower. See, all is well, you’re comfortable, Leon is comfortable, everything is great.

That’s until thunder rumbles again, causing your eyes to snap back open.

This has to be sort of sick joke the universe is playing on you. Flicking your tail and hearing it thud against the mattress in irritation, you feel the ounce of sleep that you once had, slipping away from you.

Looking back over at Leon, you purse your lips. You didn’t want to cuddle up next to him, well you did but it’s a dangerous move. Whatever, desperate times call for desperate measures. And he chose to adopt you, so a pain in the ass or not he has to deal with you.

You scooch closer to him, grabbing his arm and lifting it up to make room for you to get closer. It’s heavy, why the fuck is it so heavy. You’re struggling over here.

God forbid you get put in a situation where you have to carry him to get medical attention or to a nearby clinic. Your body would immediately give up on you.

You’re not bred for this, not one of those hybrids that can save lives or sniff drugs. You’re meant to sit at home all day and complain like you’re the one paying the bills. Might’ve been off to a rocky start when you found yourself to be homeless, but you’re past that. You have a loving home, with a loving owner, and you’re spoiled rotten.

Managing to slip into the space between Leon’s arm and the mattress, you snuggle up against is chest; taking in the musky scent of his shower gel.

“What’re you doing.” His voice sounds so groggy, barely pronouncing his words right. You hear him gulp causing his prominent adams apple to bob. He’s not even asking you; just reminding you of a topic the two of you discussed countless of times.

“I can’t sleep, thunder’s too loud.”

“Yeah, well thunder doesn’t bite sweetheart. Back to bed.” He’s ordering you around without his eyes opening once. “Aren’t you scared for my safety?”

“Not really.”

Your brows furrow, as he sleepily opens his eyes and catches a glimpse of your irritated expression. A smile creeping up on his face. “I’m just messing with you baby, I do care. It’s just that one of us has work in the morning while the other takes seven naps a day.”

His eyes close again, you’re not entirely sure if he’s going to remember this conversation in the morning.

“I promise I’ll behave.”

“Sure you will sweetheart, sure you will.” His large arm wraps around you, as he places his head on top of yours.

You take that as him agreeing to let you stay, causing a mischievous smile to flash across your face. This went smoother than you expected.

His chest is flush against you, while it is nice, you can barely breathe. You turn around, your back now facing him, and close your eyes again.

One second passes, then two, then three, and you’re sleeping position is still not comfortable. Deciding to fix it, you squirm a bit, attempting to reach a position you feel comfortable in. But you just can’t seem to get it right, either squishing your arm too hard, or your face, or your back just fucking hurts.

“Stop squirming.” His voice sounds stern, as his grip on you tightens. You raise an eyebrow in confusion, you always had the habit of shuffling till you’re comfortable, why is it such a big deal- oh.

You can feel it, the feeling of the stiff outline of his cock against the side of your ass. Freezing in place, you feel lost on what to do now. Obvious answer would be to do as you’re told and pretend like this never happen the next morning.

Or…

You squirm a little more, making sure to rub up against your owner’s boner. Letting your primal instincts take over you and savoring the choked groans that leave his mouth, his grip tightening around you even further.

Is that supposed to be a way of telling you to stop or to continue? You continue to do the latter, focusing on the sounds and heavy breaths coming from Leon, and ignoring how uncomfortably wet you’ve become.

He feels so big against you, enough to rip you in half. You wonder how he’ll feel inside of you, how nice and full you’d be. Silencing the aching desire between your thighs, claiming you as his.

A large hand grabs your hips, squeezing your side so hard to almost wince. Your movements cease as you sense him lean in closer to your ear.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop?” his breath is hot against your ear lobe; whispering through gritted teeth. “It doesn’t look like you’re behaving to me.”

All the bravery and confidence you had dissipates as he confronts you. “It felt good…”

Your voice is shaky, and barely audible. You feel trapped, unable to run and hide under the covers like you usually do. He has you here, taking accountability of your actions, no escape no way of fleeing.

“It did? Was it fun?” his tone reeks mockery, heat rushes up to your cheeks in embarrassment.

His hips thrust against you, coaxing a groan out of him. “Were you having fun toying with me? Sneaking into my bed and rubbing up against me like I wouldn’t notice?”

Shit, your panties are fucking soaked, you really shouldn’t be this turned on by this. “I’m sorry.”

A low chuckle escapes his mouth, like you just said a joke.

“No you’re fucking not.”

The mattress shifts beneath you as he gets up and yanks you flat on your back. Face now, inches away from you, fierce eyes piercing into yours. You can’t tell what’s running through his head, eyes dropping down to his jaw as it clenches then relaxes.

“I do mean it.” You don’t, no a single cell in you does. This is just a desperate attempt in trying to convince him. He won’t buy it though, no matter how bad you want him to; reading you like an open book since he day he took you in.

“You’re such a horrible liar.” His eyes squint as he shakes his head in disapproval. “You can’t be a horrible liar and a fucking brat sweetheart.”

“It’s about time that I teach you some manners, think I might’ve been too soft with you recently.” His eyes drop down to your panty clad cunt. Your shirt now bunched up at your hips, exposing the wet spot on your laced panties.

“Fuck, you really want me to fuck some manners into you huh.” Your breath hitches, mind going stupid at the way he’s talking to you. Fighting the urge to nod intensely in agreement.

His hand moves over to your cunt, cupping your mound and running his fingers up to your clit as it pulses with desire. “Such a dirty puppy I have. Here I was thinking your innocent while your cunt is soaking my fucking sheets.”

Grabbing your underwear, he pulls it up, exerting pressure onto your needy clit, causing you to moan and buck your hips. Reaching over, you grab his forearm that is supporting him above you, digging your nails into it, as your legs spread open even more for him.

“Want you inside of me, please.” He grunts at the sight of your spread legs, pussy fully on display for him. Gripping the gusset of your panties, he takes them off, tossing them into the abyss of the dark space. Hands reaching over to fiddle with the band of his sweatpants, pulling them down revealing his thick cock to you.

You don’t bark, but you would at this instant. Gawking at his length, and wondering how the head would feel against your spongy walls.

You feel the familiar sensation of his hand cupping your mound again, fingers dipping down to your leaky core, distributing the warm fluid back up to your sensitive bundle of nerves.

A stinging sensation makes you yelp as a hand spanks your pussy making your ears twitch at the pain. However, the unpleasant sensation is short lived, transitioning into pleasure. The line between the two fading away with every passing moment.

He chuckles once again, pleased with your reaction. “Take your punishment like a good girl baby.”

Your legs kick out as he spanks you two more times, leaving your cunt feeling hot; tears beading on your waterline. Moving up onto his knees, he grabs his dick, slapping it against your puffy clit before centering it between your folds. His eyes shoot back up into yours, as he teases your entrance.

Slowly, he thrusts into you, causing your mouth to open at the stretch, and it doesn’t take long before he bottoms out inside of you. Your hypothesis of feeling full is validated; you feel more than full, borderline too much. Causing you to squirm and claw at Leon’s chest.

Seconds later, he begins to move, backing up before thrusting back into your heat, each thrust becoming more powerful that the one before it. The two of you getting completely lost in the feeling of each other. “That’s it, take my cock baby. Fucking take it.”

The sounds coming from the apex of your thighs are nothing short than nasty. Rain falls in the background as your mind shuts off completely. Sweat beads at the top of your foreheads, Leon’s hips slamming into yours causing the bed beneath you to creek, creating a harmony along with your moans and whimpers.

The knot in your stomach eventually snaps, your body shudders as you squeeze down on Leon causing him to follow pursuit. The warm sensation of his cum feels oddly comforting as you get pulled back into reality.

“Told you that you drool a lot.” He chuckles, his thumb wiping off the saliva on the side of your mouth. Collapsing next to you, he pulls you into his arms as a sudden wave of sleepiness crashes over you. Eyelids feeling heavy, and mind feeling light; you finally begin to drift off into the sleep you craved for.

Perhaps, climbing into your owner’s bed was the right decision after all.

a/n: a little ooc i knowwww, but i had to write it.

divider by: @/plutism

[leahwllmsn]

next to you

leah williamson x reader

Just when you start to patch things up with your ex, an accident happens.

; angst, mentions of car accident & injuries

“Keira?”

“y/n.”

You become more alert when Keira speaks. She sounds like she has been crying, her voice is hoarse and you can tell the urgency behind it despite having only heard one word.

You’re scared to ask, but you brace yourself and hope that it’s nothing bad. “What’s wrong?”

It takes a few seconds for Keira to answer, all you can hear is her heavy breathing.

“It’s Leah.”

And you really wish Keira had stayed silent just a bit longer.

“What—Leah? What happened?”

Keira lets out a shaky exhale and you want to cry at the thought that something bad has happened to Leah.

“Just… meet me here, it’s uhm—I forgot the name of the hospital—”

“Hospital?” you immediately stand up, your hands going to the nearest wall to steady yourself. You hear commotion on the other end of the call and your heart starts to beat erratically in your chest.

What is happening?

“Keira?” you’re on the verge of tears. You two were fine last night. Leah was perfectly fine. “Keira, please say something.”

“y/n? I’ll text you in a bit. The doctors are here. I have to go.”

Keira’s voice is a faint sound that you can’t concentrate on anymore. The only thought going through your head is that something has happened to your…Leah and you have to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

—

The moment you read Keira’s texts, you hurriedly leave your apartment, all the while trying to reply to Keira as best as you can with shaking hands.

You don’t ask Keira anything else, just a simple ‘where are you’, and once Keira answered, you don’t hesitate to run all the way there because thank god, it’s only two blocks away from your place and you wonder just how long you spend going about your day thinking that everything is fine when Leah is fighting for her life a few blocks away—

No. You quickly rid yourself of the thoughts. Leah is fine.

You’ll show up at the hospital lobby, ask for a ‘Leah Williamson’ and they’ll tell you which room she’s in and you’ll see her there, sitting on the hospital bed, maybe a few bandages on her smooth skin, yet her dazzling smile plasters her face.

You’ll then chastise her for being so clumsy and reckless and you’ll give her a hug—because you spent the whole day together but not once were you brave enough to give Leah a big, tight hug when you knew she was expecting it as you parted ways at the end of the night

(You don’t want to think about the possibility of Leah not being able to hug you back.)

Yeah. Everything is going to be okay.

But once you arrive at the hospital and you ask the nurses for a ‘Leah Williamson’ and they tell you she is in the ICU, you feel the scenario you were watching in your head disappear just like that.

Leah isn’t fine. It’s not going to be okay. It’s far from that if Leah is in the intensive care unit and you feel dread taking over you, making every step towards Leah a grueling task.

You spot Keira first. She’s on the floor, leaning against the wall opposite to the doors where Leah is. Her face is pale, hugging her knees tightly as she rocks herself back and forth. You’ve never seen her like this. Keira is always full of composure, never wearing her heart on her sleeves.

But now you can see that Keira is afraid. She looks terrified and worst of all, Keira looks hopeless.

You force yourself to stay calm and not jump to conclusions. So what if Leah is placed in the ICU? So what if Keira’s face is so panic-stricken and pale and her eyes puffy from all the crying? It could all mean nothing.

For all you knew, Leah is seconds away from getting discharged and then you can have lunch together at this new restaurant that you want to bring Leah to because you know Leah will love it.

But then Keira looks up, her eyes meeting yours, it’s finally sinking in that it may be more serious than what you let yourself to believe.

The next thing you know, Keira is hugging you, sobbing silently into your chest. “She won’t wake up, y/n.”

No.

“I was supposed to pick her up, but she said she’d call an uber instead. I don’t know what happened, y/n, I really don’t. I got a phone call saying she was in a car accident—” you can feel Keira hugging you tighter. Or maybe it’s you who did, you don’t know anymore.

“I got here as soon as I could. She was already in the operating room when I got here, and uhm, she has injuries to her head and chest. I overheard them saying that she was bleeding from her chest when they brought her in. And I had to go earlier because the doctors went out. They said they had to stop the surgery because they said she needs time to recuperate or something, I don’t remember. I don’t really want to know the specifics. I just understood that they stopped the surgery in order to prevent her from bleeding to death on the operating table—”

You grimace and take a sharp intake of breath. It’s getting harder to listen to what Keira is saying.

And it seems like Keira understands how overwhelmed you are because she loosens her grip on you and steps back. “Sorry. That was too blunt,” she wipes away her tears and looks at you apologetically. “I also didn’t mean to bombard you with everything. I know it must be hard hearing all this.”

“It’s okay,” your voice is barely a whisper. You’re afraid you’ll burst into tears. “I need to know.”

Keira takes a deep breath before continuing. “They’re keeping her in the ICU for 24 hours. If she lives—if she’s stable enough, basically, they’ll operate on her again.”

“If she lives?”

Keira merely shrugs in response and you feel your eyes brimming with hot tears. You can’t lose Leah. Not like this.

“Can I—” you clear your throat. “Can I see her?”

“You can, but just… Brace yourself, I guess. She’s connected to a bunch of machines, and she has a ventilator on to help her breathe. It’s not a pretty sight.”

You nod slowly, trying to understand the severity of it all. “I just want to hold her hand. I can do that, right?”

“Yeah, you can,” Keira flashes you a smile. You can see the tears welling in her eyes. “Hold her hand as tight as you can, will you? Maybe she’ll come back to you.”

You blink away your own tears at that. How you wish that’s possible.

With one last look at Keira, you push the doors open.

The first thing you take a note of is, apart from the beeping and the hum of the machines, it’s eerily quiet. You walk slowly, not daring to lift your head up. Maybe you shouldn’t be here. Even Keira waited outside, that must be an indicator of how horrible being in this room must be.

But you decide that you should stop being a coward. Leah needs you. You aren’t going to run away again. So stopping at the foot of the hospital bed, you slowly lift your head up.

It doesn’t sink in at first. The figure on the bed looks so much like Leah, but she also doesn’t. You almost don’t recognize her with the tubes connected to her body and the bandages on her head. There were cuts as well as patches of purple and blue bruises all over her pale skin. One particular cut stood out, it’s on her left cheekbone and you’re sure Leah will complain about it if she’s awake.

You understand why Keira seems like she doesn’t want to step in the room.

You make your way to the side of the bed. You sit down on the chair and for a few seconds, you stay still. Everything is finally sinking in.

Leah is here in front of you, but at the same time, she’s not.

Leah is dying and you can’t do anything but sit next to her and hold her hand and wish that she will wake up. You try your best to ingrain to your memory what it feels like to have Leah’s hand in your grip.

And finally, a tear escapes your eyes. You blame it on the fact that Leah would always squeeze your hand back but this time it stays there, limpless.

“I know we just saw each other yesterday, but I miss you,” you chuckle through your tears that are now freely flowing down your cheeks. “I miss you, and your damn smile, and your stupid sarcastic remarks.”

You grip Leah’s hand tighter.

“You’ll come back to me right, Leah? You have to.” you hope Leah is able to hear you. “I have so many stories to tell you, yesterday wasn’t enough for me. Did you know that I went back to London a few months ago? I didn’t tell you, obviously. We hadn’t talked in so long.

“Beth told me that you were scheduled to have a Ted Talk. You were brilliant. I mean, I’ve always known that, but seeing you up there in front of thousands of people… you were so eloquent and so damn brilliant. I could tell that your smile wasn’t as bright as before though. I blamed myself for taking your happiness away from you.”

You keep your gaze on the blonde’s face. Despite everything, Leah is still the most gorgeous person you have ever seen. “I’ll do anything to get you smiling again, you know that right? I’ll do anything, Lee, even if it means switching places with you. I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

—

two years ago

“y/n!” Leah shouted, not caring about all the heads that turned in her direction.

You stood still. From across the street, Leah could see you wiping away the tears that were flowing down your face. Leah wanted nothing more than to be the one doing that, to hug you close and tell you that everything will be okay.

But the moment Leah stepped forward, you quickly turned around to make your way back inside the building.

“y/n!” Leah shouted once more, though this time it sounded more like a plea.

Leah stepped into the street, but she had to immediately step back because of the cars that rushed by her. Her eyes darted around until they landed on the intersection and she ran towards it.

Leah repeatedly pushed the button on the traffic light pole, hoping it will allow her to cross faster, all the while keeping her eyes on the spot where you stood earlier.

At the back of her mind, she knew that she was too late. She knew you were already inside your friend’s apartment, somewhere Leah couldn’t get into because she didn’t have the access keys. But Leah wasn’t the type to give up that easily, so she had to try to do something.

Once the light changed and the cars stopped moving, Leah sprinted across the street, bumping into people and muttering rushed apologies.

She arrived at where you stood. She tried to catch her breath as she stared into the doors of the building that was tightly closed. From the window on the door, she could see mailboxes and an elevator that would take her to where you were.

But Leah couldn’t do anything but stand there helplessly. It killed her and she didn’t know that it could hurt this much to know that she was too late. She knew you wouldn’t want to see her anymore—you made that clear enough when you told her you were leaving the country to play football in Paris. You made it clear that you wanted to start fresh and that meant leaving Leah behind.

Leah placed her forehead on the door, letting out a heavy sigh and tried her best to not let anymore tears fall.

“y/n…” she muttered. “Why?” Leah knew you couldn’t hear her but she couldn’t help it; she let out everything she was feeling, including the tears that she tried so hard to suppress. “I love you. I’ll give up anything for you. Isn’t that enough?”

Leah wiped away her tears and walked away from the doors. She took a deep breath. She had to calm down, she had to if she wanted to think of ways to get you back.

But with every thought of you and every flash of your smile and your eyes and your laugh in her mind, Leah’s breath started getting heavier and heavier until she couldn’t handle it anymore and she let out a scream.

“Why?!” Leah looked up at the building. She screamed as loud as she could, hoping that you could hear her. “I hate you, y/n! I fucking hate you!”

Leah sobbed, clutching her chest. It hurt. It felt like there was a knife through her heart and that no matter how hard she tried, she wasn’t able to pull it out.

“I hate you… I hate you. I hate you.” Leah dropped to her knees, unable to stop crying. She knew no matter how much she said it, she would never mean those words.

Leah contemplated sitting there, in front of the apartment doors, waiting for you, because you had to come out sooner or later. But she decided against it. She already looked pathetic enough, and she wasn’t going to wait until someone finally recognized her and took pictures of her in her most pitiful state.

She was Leah Williamson and Leah Williamson didn’t cry on the side of the street, hair in a mess, eyes all puffy.

So Leah stood up and swallowed all her tears instead of letting them fall freely.

Leah was good at everything, she captained her country to the Euros championship, for fuck’s sake. Leah knew all the right things to say and she knew what shouldn’t be said out loud. Leah knew a lot of things and she had everything one would want in life.

She had the perfect house growing up. She had the best family, the perfect support system. And with her newfound fame, anything she wanted, she’d get and anything she got bored of, she could just throw without a second thought. There wasn’t anything she couldn’t have.

But walking back to her car that day, Leah felt like knowing the answers to everything and being able to have anything she wanted was useless. All the fame and fortune couldn’t get you back into her arms.

—

“Hey, have you eaten?”

Your head shoots up at the voice. You don’t realize you’ve fallen asleep.

“Yeah,” you reply, voice groggy from sleep. “I went to the cafeteria an hour ago.”

Keira smiles at you. You notice how she keeps on averting her eyes away from the hospital bed.

“Georgia’s here,” Keira informs you. “She was so confident about wanting to see Leah but I think the reality finally caught up to her.”

You lift an eyebrow in question.

“She’s outside, too scared of setting foot in the ICU,” Keira elaborates.

“You seem to be scared too earlier.”

“Yeah,” Keira trails off, standing next to you. Her eyes still aren’t landing on Leah’s figure. “I just feel so helpless. I hate feeling helpless.”

“Me too,” you sigh. “I’d like to think that me being here helps though.”

Keira hums. “I bet she appreciates it. She never would admit it, but she missed you a lot.”

“I missed her too.”

“Are you staying here tonight?” Keira asks.

“If that’s okay with you.”

“Of course,” Keira nods. You see the pain in her face when she finally does look at Leah. “I can’t stay in this room for too long. It feels suffocating. I don’t know how you do it.”

You shrug. “I want to spend every second with her. It does feel suffocating but it’s better than not being with her at all.”

Keira places a hand on your shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “Thank you. I’m sorry I can’t be here accompanying her too. I feel like I’m such a bad friend.”

“You’re not,” you immediately shake your head, your hand going to touch Keira’s. “Leah would understand.”

Keira’s eyes are shining with unshed tears, the sight amplifies the pain in your chest.

“I better go check on G.”

“Is she okay?”

Keira gives a small laugh. “She’s okay, just scared. Who isn’t though?”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s crazy to think that we might lose her,” your voice cracking as you voice your biggest fear out loud. “Do you… do you think she’ll make it?”

Keira stays quiet. You don’t think she’s going to answer until she lets out the biggest sigh. “I’d like to think so.”

“But?”

“Hm?”

“I just feel like there’s a ‘but’ somewhere in your sentence.”

Keira doesn’t answer this time, instead she averts her gaze away. You see her trying not to cry and you feel bad for bringing the topic up.

After a beat, you feel Keira squeeze your shoulder one more time before walking towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Once the door closes, you look back at Leah. “Are you ready for tomorrow, Lee?” You lean forward and brush strands of blonde hair away from Leah’s face. “You’re going to be strong for me, aren’t you?”

You take Leah’s limp hand in yours and kiss the back of it softly. “Maybe I should ask the nurses where I’ll be sleeping tonight. Although, I think I’m good here too. It’s just a bit cold. I’m sure you’re loving it though. Your apartment always felt like the north pole.”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? When you wake up… I’ll go wherever you go. I’d move back to London. We can travel the world together, just us two. How does that sound?”

Although there’s no answer and all you can hear is the beeping sound of the heart monitor, you feel hope blooming in your chest.

“We can go to Nashville, see that country music festival you’ve always wanted to go to. Even though you know how much I dislike country music, I’d suffer through it for you. Or… we can just stay at your apartment, here in London. I missed that place. We had so many good memories there. God, I’m so talkative today. Are you tired of hearing me speak? Maybe I should let you get some rest.”

You feel your heart getting lighter. You’re actually optimistic about things. It feels good to have hope.

“Goodnight, my Leah. I love you. I’ll see you real soon.”

—

three years ago

“Have you ever thought about what you would name your child?”

You looked away from the TV and to the blonde next to you. “That’s a random question.”

Leah shrugged, her hands finding yours, your intertwined hands resting between you on the sofa. “I’m just wondering. I think I want to name them after me.”

“Narcissistic much?” you teased, causing Leah to flick your forehead.

“Or Amanda,” Leah continued. “After mum.”

“Amanda is nice,” you nodded your head in thought. “I think I’d like to name mine Lily.”

“You’re naming your child after your cat?”

“After the flower, dummy,” you rolled your eyes. “You know they’re my favourite flowers.”

“What if you have a son instead of a daughter? Will you name it Streaky?”

You let go of Leah’s hand and gave the blonde’s shoulder a weak shove. “You’re making fun of me.”

“I’m not!” you heard Leah’s soft laughs, and the next thing you knew Leah was scooting closer, placing her arms around you. You felt a kiss on the side of your head and you immediately sighed in content.

“Streaky is cute though,” you pretended to be in thought, not really thinking of naming your son after your second cat.

“We are not naming our son Streaky,” Leah argued. “I was only joking!”

You raised an eyebrow at that. “Our son?”

“Mhmm.”

You looked at Leah. She had her attention back to the TV, some Netflix show was on, you couldn’t remember what you were watching anymore.

“Do you think our children will look like us?”

“Can we back up a second, babe,” you laughed. Your heart was doing somersaults. You two had never talked about kids before. “Our children?”

You saw the smirk on Leah’s face as she turned back to you. “Well we are together, aren’t we? Are you thinking of having children with other people, darling? I’m hurt.”

You shook your head at her ridiculousness. Ridiculous that she was able to talk about a serious topic with such ease and so full of confidence as if having children with you was something that was definitely going to happen.

You fell more in love with her if that was even possible. “I love you, Lee.”

“Amanda and Lily are cute names, aren’t they?”

“I just know they’re going to be stubborn and cocky, with egos as high as the Eiffel Tower. Just like their mother.”

Leah pulled away from the hug, her brows knitted. “Excuse me?”

“I’m kidding,” you grinned at the blonde before peppering kisses all over her face. “Even if I wasn’t, I would still love those parts of you.”

“Whatever.” Leah was trying her best to look annoyed but you could see the small smile on her lips.

“Are you getting tired of me already?” you pouted.

Leah immediately dropped her act and kissed away your pout. “No. Never.”

“Even if I just called you stubborn and cocky?”

“Yes,” Leah rolled her eyes. “As long as you don’t mind that about me.”

“I find it kinda hot actually.”

Leah pinched your nose at your statement, causing you to laugh. “What? I’m just telling the truth.”

Leah shook her head fondly at you. “I bet Amanda and Lily will have a thousand guys or girls lining up after them if they take after their mother’s flirting skills.”

“Oh, thank you,” you beamed at Leah. “I do have excellent flirting skills.”

“I was talking about me actually. Did you forget who made you blush 24/7?”

“Wipe that smug grin off your face, Williamsom.”

Leah hummed, placing a chaste kiss on your lips. “I’m so in love with you, y/n l/n.”

You couldn’t help the smile on your lips as you melted into the kiss and into Leah’s embrace. “Me too.”

“I can’t wait to meet Amanda and Lily Cathrine.”

You laughed at that. “Cathrine? We are not naming our daughter after you.”

“Pleaseee?”

You sighed, never able to say no when Leah gave you her puppy dog eyes. “Then it’s fair if Amanda has my middle name.”

Leah grinned at you. “You got yourself a deal, my love.”

—

Hour 1

You don’t notice when Keira and Georgia arrive. They are sitting next to you in the waiting room, you’re sure they’ve said something to you, but for now, you don't feel like talking to anyone.

You just need some time to regroup, to convince yourself that Leah will be fine and that the worry in your heart should calm down.

You will talk to Keira and Georgia later, you make a promise to yourself that you will.

Just not right now.

(Right now, you’re afraid that you’re actually going to lose Leah.)

Hour 2

“Georgia, stop fidgeting.”

“How can I? When we don’t know if she’ll make it.”

“Don’t say that. She will. Weren’t you the one who said that she’s strong? Of course she’ll make it.”

“She is. She’s strong. I’m just… I’m scared, Kei.”

“Yeah, well, so am I.”

Hour 4

“What’s taking them so long?”

“It’s only been 3 hours.”

You look up at the restless blonde. Georgia has been walking back and forth for the past hour, while Keira is sitting next to you, her knees bouncing up and down.

You haven’t uttered a single thing. The whole time you have just been watching them silently.

It’s sad, you think. They are so used to being a trio that without Leah, it all feels incomplete.

Georgia would say a thousand words per minute about what might happen and Keira would reassure her that everything would be fine. Then within the same hour, it would be Keira who was stressing out over Leah and Georgia was there to calm her down.

It’s another sad thing, you think. Despite it all, they have each other to lean on. You have no one.

The only person you wanted is lying in an operating bed as doctors try to keep her alive.

Hour 6

Returning from the bathroom, you see two men in scrubs having a conversation with Keira and Georgia.

“We’ve done everything we can,” you can hear one of them say. “Now we just have to wait for her to wake up.”

“When will she wake up?” It’s Georgia who asks.

You’re now standing next to her, your thoughts running everywhere now that you know the surgery is over.

“We cannot say,” the other doctor answers. “She’ll wake up when she’s ready.”

You tune out everything after that. You can faintly hear Keira asking more detailed questions about the recovery period, but how could you think about the recovery when Leah hasn’t even woken up? Who knows if she will even wake up.

At that thought, you immediately snap your head towards the two doctors and ask something that you aren’t sure you want the answer to. “Is there a possibility that she won’t ever wake up?”

It’s a long ten seconds before you have your answer.

You feel like you shouldn’t have asked.

“I’m afraid that the possibility is always there.”

Hour 7

There isn’t a lot of difference with Leah’s appearance since the last time you saw her this morning. Still beautiful, you’d argue. But aside from that, everything is still the same—Leah still has that cut on her left cheekbone, she still has that bandage on her head and her hand is still not squeezing your hand back.

The room is still cold and the sound of the machines is still the one accompanying you instead of Leah’s laughs.

“Since you just got out of surgery,” you speak, already used to not getting a reply. “You probably still want to rest some more, huh? You did a good job back there, love, you deserve to rest. But not for too long, okay? I’d miss you too much.

“I’ll be here when you wake up, Leah. Then you can tell me what you’ve been dreaming of all this time. I hope it’s nice, wherever you are.”

“Please wake up.”

Hour 10

“You can wake up anytime soon, Lee. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll follow you wherever you go, so you don’t have to be afraid of losing me anymore. As long as I have a say in it, you won’t lose me.”

Hour 12

“You should go home, mate,” Georgia says, her voice etched with worry. “Get freshen up.”

“Yeah,” Keira agrees. “We’ll stay here with her.”

“I’m good.”

You give them a tight-lipped smile and focus your attention back to Leah. There is no way that you’re leaving her.

“I’ll go with you,” Georgia offers. “Your place is near, right? It’ll be quick, it won’t even be an hour.”

“No thanks. I’m good right here.”

Hour 14

It seems like Georgia and Keira have very good persuading skills because the next thing you know, you’ve relented to go home—just to quickly shower and get a set of fresh clothes since you’re not sure how long you’re going to stay at the hospital.

You’re back at the hospital exactly half an hour later, your backpack over your shoulders and a fresh bouquet of roses in one hand.

You smile at the flowers you’re holding. You’re sure Leah will love it.

“Where’s Georgia?” you ask upon entering the room and seeing that Keira is alone.

You set your bag down and place the flowers on the table next to Leah. You bend down and place a kiss on Leah’s forehead.

“She went to get some food at the cafeteria,” Keira answers. “You should get something to eat too.”

You’re about to argue and say that you’re not hungry when your stomach betrays you and lets out a growl.

Keira laughs at you and you only smile sheepishly before stepping out of the room.

It’s easy to spot Georgia. She’s the only person who took up a table for six people all to herself.

“Hey,” you sit down in front of her. “What are you eating?”

“I have no idea..”

You give her a chuckle. “You don’t know what you ordered?”

Georgia shrugs, shoving her plate of food towards you. “It’s good though. We can share.”

You two eat in silence before a thought pops into your head and you look at her questioningly. “By the way, where is Amanda? Does she know what’s happened to Leah?”

“Yeah,” Georgia answers, mouth full of food. “She was visiting Jacob in Australia. They’re on the flight here.”

You hesitate for a few seconds before you decide to ask what’s on your mind. “Does Amanda hate me?”

Georgia raises her eyebrows at that. “You did break her daughter’s heart, mate.”

“I know,” you sigh. The answer is obvious but it still manages to leave an ache in your chest. Amanda was once the closest thing you had to a mother. “I hope she doesn’t hate me too much.”

You hope Leah will wake up so you can make up for everything you did wrong.

Hour 17

Leah still hasn’t woken up.

You would be lying if you say you aren’t losing hope.

Hour 20

“Is it naive of me to still have this hope in my chest when hours had passed and there are still no signs of you waking up? I’m not stupid for waiting, right Lee? You know that I’ll wait for you forever, but please don’t take too long. It’ll hurt too much.”

Hour 23

Georgia and Keira decide to go home and promise to return in a few hours.

You don’t mind being alone with Leah—you would take any chance to be with her. But the silence is getting too loud and you feel like screaming.

Because why is Leah still unconscious? It has almost been a day, it doesn’t make sense to you that she isn’t awake yet.

Your head is throbbing. You can’t get an inch of sleep. How can you when the love of your life isn't waking up?

“The sun is shining so brightly, I wish you could see this. It’s nice and warm. Wake up, love.”

Hour 25

You don’t want to cry. You’re afraid that crying means you’re giving up on Leah and you will never do that.

Leah is going to be alright so there is no need for you to be sad and cry.

But Leah is still lying there unconscious and all the scenarios of her not waking up came rushing in, and it becomes really hard for you to hold in your cry.

So you let out a sob. It’s quiet at first. But the pain in your chest keeps on multiplying as each second passes and the thought of having to live without Leah’s smile is getting more and more vivid.

“Leah… I’m begging you. I’ll do anything. Why won’t you wake up? Is it better over there? That’s why you don’t want to come back here? To come back to me?”

It hurts. Everything hurts. You don’t want anything else, you just want your Leah back.

“I love you,” your vision is blurry with tears. Your cry is getting louder and louder but you don’t care. You wish it’s loud enough to wake Leah up. “I love you. Isn’t that enough? Please wake up. Lee… Why won’t you fucking wake up?”

Then it happens. It’s a whisper you would miss if your crying hasn’t stopped.

“Why… are you crying?”

You turn to the source of the voice.

“Leah?”

“I love… you too. Stop… crying.”

And you can’t describe what you’re feeling when you finally feel Leah squeeze your hand again.

(You can’t stop crying, even when Georgia and Keira finally return to find their best friend awake.

You can’t stop crying because you don’t want to go through this again and the thought of it being over is filling your body with relief and you don't know what to do but to cry.

Most of all, you can’t stop crying because Leah’s smile is the most precious thing in the world and you’re glad that you’re ble to see it again.)

—

a few days ago

You greeted Leah with a shy “hello” and a tiny wave. You still couldn’t believe that Leah actually agreed to meet up with you—a part of you still felt that you didn’t deserve this chance.

“So where are we going?” Leah spoke in an indifferent manner, which you expected. It would take some time to knock her walls back down but you were willing to be patient, however long it would take.

“The arcade,” you answered, gesturing for Leah to follow you.

Leah looked confused. “The arcade?”

(You started to walk side by side and you almost forgot that you weren't supposed to reach out and intertwine your hands).

“Yeah,” you smiled at her. You hoped Leah couldn’t tell how nervous you were. “We never ended up going,” you saw Leah’s features relaxed slightly as she realized what you meant. “You remember right? That time when I went to the arcade with Guro and you got jealous.”

Leah rolled her eyes, the scowl on her face made you smile wider. “I wasn’t jealous.”

“Sure you weren’t.”

“Do they have food at the arcade?”

You gave a small laugh at the change in subject. Leah always turned moody everytime you brought up your friendship with the Chelsea player. Mostly because she didn’t like that you were fraternizing with the enemy—her words. You loved provoking her every time.

“Yes, they do have some plain toast with butter for you. I checked.”

“I’m just hungry,” Leah replied back, her tone annoyed. “I haven’t had breakfast.”

“They have food,” you reassured her. “And tea.”

“Cool.”

Despite the short responses, Leah’s voice didn’t hold as much bitterness as you were expecting and you were grateful for that.

You walked in silence, you came up with some jokes every now and then, trying to get more smiles out of the blonde.

It wasn’t until your tenth attempt that Leah let out a short laugh.

You wore a proud smile the rest of the way.

—

“You know, you haven’t apologized for stealing my breakfast.”

Leah stopped walking and stared at you confused. “What?”

“When we first met,” you clarified. “You stole my breakfast.”

“I didn’t do such thing.” Leah rolled her eyes.

“You did.”

“Well, I don’t exactly remember something that happened decades ago now do I?” Leah scowled at you, forever annoyed whenever you brought it up. You continued walking side by side, no particular direction in mind. “But I always let you take my breakfast!”

“But I never really did fancy your plain food, Lee,” you smiled fondly at the memory. “Anyway, back to what I was saying, you haven’t apologized.”

“Even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I apologized to you every time you brought up this argument just to annoy me.”

“You didn’t.”

“Mate, I did.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Whatever! I always let you take my breakfast! Which went on for years, if I may add.”

“So?” Leah rolled her eyes again and you laughed. “Your eyes will fall off if you keep on rolling them at me.”

“It’s because you’re annoying.”

“But you’re smiling so I must be doing something right.”

It was funny how Leah immediately dropped her smile. “I wasn’t smiling.”

“You were.”

“No. Just spasms.”

You chuckled at Leah’s response. After hours spent at the arcade, you felt that Leah had started to loosen up. You could see it with the way Leah wasn’t acting like standing next to you was the worst thing in the world anymore. Leah started to talk more too, you didn’t have to start the conversation to get the blonde to say something, and you were glad because you really wanted to hear Leah speak—you badly missed the sound of her voice.

“Where are we going next?”

You tilted your head in thought. You didn’t know—your plan had only consisted of going to the arcade. You figured Leah would get tired of you by then and you would just head back, but Leah was still here, not looking like she wanted to leave.

You racked your brain of where you could take her next and when a thought came up you grinned. “I know a place.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see.”

“Why don’t you just tell me?” Leah sounded impatient.

“You’re no fun,” you pouted. “The place reminds me of you, that’s all I’m saying.”

—

“Why does a florist remind you of me?”

“Because you smelled like roses,” you answered, picking up a single red rose. “You still do.”

“That’s ridiculous. I do not.”

You grinned up at her. “I was trying to be romantic.”

Leah scoffed, looking away. You smiled to yourself when you could see the faint blush on Leah’s cheeks.

“Flowers are very symbolic,” you continued. “You can express a lot of things with them. Sometimes you don’t even have to say anything because the flowers can speak for you. I think that’s amazing.” You looked at the colorful display of flowers in front of you. “This place reminds me of you because every time I come here, I think of everything I wanted to say to you but couldn’t.”

You could feel Leah’s gaze on you so you looked back and met Leah’s eyes. “Stop looking at me and look at the flowers. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Yeah.” Leah still hadn’t looked away so you were the first to break your eye contact. Leah’s gaze made you nervous.

“These are white tulips,” you pointed at the white flowers in a clear vase. “They can be used to seek forgiveness. I think about you a lot whenever I see one. These too,” you walked across the store to where a bouquet of purple flowers lay. “Purple hyacinth… ‘I’m sorry’, ‘please forgive me’...” you trailed off.

After a beat, you turned to Leah who was still staring at you intently.

“I’ve always thought of sending you some flowers, but I never had the courage to do it. I think a part of me is scared that you’ll end up throwing it away,” you took a deep breath and smiled. “I’ll do it today. I hope that’s okay with you.”

Leah didn’t reply, instead she took the single rose from your hand and brought it up to her nose, taking in its scent. “I love flowers,” she said, returning the rose to you. “And just so you know, if you did send me flowers, I don’t think I have it in me to throw them away.”

—

“Why red roses?”

“Aren’t they your favourite? I know you love white roses too, but I think the red ones are more fitting here.”

“How so?”

“Sometimes people have different interpretations of what a flower symbolizes, or their meaning might change over time… but this one stayed consistent. Everyone knows what red roses symbolize.”

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m not saying anything, Lee. I told you how symbolic flowers are, didn’t I? I’ll let them speak for me.”

When you saw the small smile on Leah’s lips, you knew that everything would be okay.

You couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life making it up to her.

—

sorry for any medical inaccuracies:)

I don’t really like this but oh well, hope it’s decent enough 🫶🏼

[sturniluvr]

Love in the sun

Lando Norris x fem!reader

word count: 2.8k

warnings: none other than a few mentions of children (if you don’t like kids😭) possible spelling mistakes(?)

summary: Lando and Y/N go on holiday together during the summer break and come home engaged.

A/N: Keep in mind throughout that I have no idea how the luxury life works im broke asf so it may be inaccurate😭and sorry for quite a few time skips I had a bit of writers block😭

❗️semi proof read❗️

Y/N and Lando were currently halfway through their flight en route to Mykonos for a week while Lando had the summer break. The couple had a few things pre planned for the week in Greece such as a party boat they had booked prior to the holiday and Y/N was hoping for no more injuries on Lando's end after the incident in Amsterdam and going to a few tourist attractions, but they mostly just wanted to spend time with each other, they didn’t care what they were doing as long as they were together, and of course they were staying with Hilton as the couple always had the best experiences with Hilton hotels and being a sponsor of McLaren, it was only right they chose Hilton. 

Lando was scrolling on his phone and he felt a weight on his shoulder, he looked to his side and saw his girlfriend asleep on his shoulder. The love of his life, his best friend, his girl and hopefully, soon, his wife. She had been by his side since before he made it into f1, he remembers vividly how excited she was when he told her he was offered a seat with McLaren, she seemed more excited than he was, and she hadn’t left his side since. He smiled at the memory. He had a whole plan set in place to propose to Y/N, he couldn’t wait to propose to her, he had brought the ring around 2 years into the relationship when he was out with Max and he saw the perfect ring that just screamed Y/N to him and he’d just been waiting for the perfect moment, which was this holiday and also their 5 year anniversary. 

time skip to landing

Lando was looking out the window in his own world when he heard the pilot over the intercom. 

“Mr Norris, we will be starting descent in Mykonos in about 10 minutes so please get ready to fasten your seatbelt sir.” On cue, he saw the little seatbelt light come on above his head. He gently shook Y/N to wake her up. 

“Darling, we’ll be landing soon, you need to put your seatbelt on.” He spoke quietly as he knows she doesn’t like loud noises when she first wakes up. She stirs and slowly opens her eyes and lifted her head off Lando’s shoulder. Lando looked at her with a soft smile and a little chuckle escaped his lips at the sight of the woman’s messy hair.  

“Hey sleepy head, pilot just said to put our belts on we’ll be descending soon.” She nodded at him as she fixed her hair and put her belt on, Lando doing the same next to her. 

As they got closer to the ground, Y/N grabbed hold on Lando’s hand to comfort herself as landing was probably her least favourite part of flying and he rubbed her knuckles in a comforting manner. 

After landing, they grabbed their luggage and made their way to the chauffeur who led them to the car provided by Hilton to take them to the hotel.  

small time skip cus I’m lazy

They arrived to their room in the hotel and unpacked their suitcases and got changed into some clothes more suited to the warm climate of the island they were on for the next two weeks as they had an early flight and when the couple arrived it was only early afternoon After changing, Y/N and Lando left the hotel and went for a small walk around the town and get anything little essentials they may need while on holiday like bottles of water, snacks for the hotel room etc. 

“Don’t forget we need to buy sunscreen aswel, since somebody left it behind being the clever clogs he is.” Y/N said, giving Lando a cheeky smile.  

“Ha Ha, very funny cheeky.” Lando replied sarcastically, pinching her side softly. The couple laughed as they continued to walk in and out of shops and buy the essentials. 

Later on that day, Y/N was relaxing on a sunbed reading her book and Lando was next to her on another sunbed with his hat over his eyes. About half hour later, Y/N was now lying on her stomach so she could tan her back aswel as her front and she felt a pair of hands smack her bum. She looked behind to see her boyfriend with a boyish smile on his face, she smiled back at him and rolled her eyes jokingly at his actions. 

“Do you want another drink baby? I'm going to the bar.” Lando stated and she nodded. 

“Same again please Lan, I'm going to head up to the room for a little siesta, it’s getting pretty warm out here.” He nodded in understanding knowing how easily the heat got to her sometimes, that’s why he always made sure she was well hydrated and was taking care of herself. 

“Okay baby, I’ll grab our drinks and I’ll come up aswel and have a quick shower or something.” She nodded at her boyfriend before he left to go get their drinks from the bar. She packed up everything she had brought down to the pool with her and made her way into the hotel and up to their room. 

couple days later

Y/N was relaxing on the balcony of the hotel room while waiting for Lando to get back, he’d told her he was going out to get some more water for the room when in reality he was sat in the hotel reception talking on the phone to the manager of the restaurant he was planning to take Y/N to on the last day of the holiday, their anniversary, to finalise any details about the proposal and the booking details.  

“So, you’ll tell her you’re going to the bathroom and one of our waiters will lead her out to the beach? Is that correct Mr Norris?” the manager asked Lando over the phone.

“Yes, that is correct. Thank you again for helping me with this. It means a lot.” Lando replied, the manager smiled at the idea of young love.

“It's quite alright sir. Right, that's all booked and ready for you for a few days' time.” 

Once everything was finalised, he thanked the manager and hung up the phone and left the hotel with a small smile on his face at the thought of him proposing to the love of his life in the next couple days and made his way to the little shop 10 minutes from the hotel and grabbed the bottles of water like he had told Y/N he was doing. 

He walked back to the hotel and into the hotel room where he was met with the sight of Y/N asleep on the sofa in the living area with the balcony door open to let a breeze in and her book covering her face. He smiled in amusement and put the crate of water bottles down and he made his way over to the sofa. He crouched down in front of her and took her book from off her face, keeping his thumb on the page so she wouldn’t lose her page and quickly put her bookmark in place before closing it. He gently shook her awake.  

“Wake up sleepy head. We need to go downstairs for lunch soon.” She opened her eyes lazily and looked at Lando with a sleepy smile which he returned with a smile of his own. She slowly sat up and picked up her half drunk bottle of water off the table in front of her. 

“Hey pretty girl, the sun tired you out huh?” He joked, stroking her thigh. She nodded softly before speaking. 

“Yeah, and it didn’t help next door had a crying baby and I couldn’t focus on my book, so I just came inside.” Lando chuckled at her response.  

“We’ll be heading down for lunch in a minute if you wanna go freshen up a bit beforehand.” The curly haired boy spoke, Y/N nodded and made her way to their bedroom to put a clean top on as she had some sweat stains that didn’t look flattering at all and touched up the small amount of makeup she had on which consisted of just concealer, mascara and some lip balm. 

The couple both headed down to lunch, indulging in conversation about the most random topics causing them both to start laughing. The couple were suddenly interrupted by a little girl, who looked no older than 5 and had a little bunny stuffed animal in her arms, who came up to them and tapped Y/N’s arm softly. 

“Excuse me miss, can you help me find my mummy. I was with her and my older brother and now I can’t find them.” The older woman’s eyes softened at the sight of the tears in the little girl's eyes. She nodded at her. 

“Of course, sweetheart. What’s your name?” Y/N spoke in a gentle tone. 

“Emily, I’m sorry for interrupting you two, but I recognised Lando because Jack my brother is a formula one fan and I’ve seen him on tv, so I thought you two seemed safe rather than a complete stranger.” Emily admitted shyly, Lando nodded at her with a smile before the couple stood up to help her find her brother and mum. 

“You did the right thing sweetie. C’mon we’ll help you find your mum” Lando spoke, he held the little girl's small hand in his and the three of them made their way over to the front desk at reception. 

“Excuse me, this little girl has lost her mum. Do you have any idea where she could be?” Y/N asked the lady on the front desk. She nodded and made her way around to the front of the desk so she could talk to Emily. 

“What does your mum look like sweetheart?” She asked as she crouched down to her size. 

“Brown hair, green eyes, she had a long blue dress on, she was with my older brother who was wearing red swim shorts and a Minecraft t-shirt” the receptionist nodded at her. All of a sudden, they heard the voice of a woman, Y/N looked up to see a woman matching Emily’s description of her mother.  

“Emily! There you are baby!” She ran over and gave her a quick hug. Emily pointed to the three other adults before she spoke to her mum.

“The helped me mummy. Lando and his girlfriend helped me find you and the nice lady on reception!” Emily walked over to Y/N and gave her a hug which Y/N reciprocated. 

“Thank you.” Emily muttered smiling up at the couple. They both smiled at her. 

“Thank you for helping my daughter, we were so worried!” Her mum exclaimed.  

“It’s fine honestly! I can’t imagine how worried I’d be if I’d lost my kid in a resort this big.” She replied, the two women chuckling at her response. Lando looked to Jack and smiled. 

“Hey buddy, I hear you’re a formula one fan? Do you want a photo?” He asked and Jack nodded quickly, the children’s mum pulled out her phone and Jack walked over to Lando and the pair took a photo together. Jack said a quick thank you to the driver before the little family headed off and the couple went to their room to get ready for the party boat they were going on later, which thankfully did not end in any injuries on Lando’s part this time.

 

the last night of the holiday

Tonight was Y/N and Lando’s last night of the holiday, and it was their anniversary. After a morning full of cuddles, kisses, some less PG stuff and exchanging cards and gifts, the couple had spent the rest of the day walking around visiting little landmarks around Mykonos and getting gifts for family members.  

They were now currently getting ready to head out to the Italian restaurant Lando had booked for them. Y/N was wearing a flowy white dress that came down to just below her knees and Lando was wearing a plain white dress shirt and some khaki shorts that Y/N had brought him just before they came to Mykonos. 

“You ready sweetheart?” Lando shouted to Y/N from the bedroom. She walked in and smiled at him. 

“Yup. You ready?” She replied walking into the bedroom smiling at Lando who was sat on the bed. He reached out to her and rested his hands on her waist and pulled her into him, he pulled her down slightly and planted a kiss to her lips. 

“You look stunning baby. An absolute princess if you ask me.” he expressed with a small smirk on his face. She grabbed her bag off the bed and grabbed Lando’s hand and the couple made their way out the hotel and to the restaurant.  

Once they arrived at the restaurant, the waiter took them to their seats and took their orders, coming back shortly after with the drink orders which was some red wine for both of them. When they had their food brought to them around 20 minutes later, they ate their food while talking about anything they could think of. There was never a dull moment with Y/N and Lando’s conversations.

After eating and having paid the bill. Lando was about to put the plan into motion. 

“I’m just gonna head to the bathroom before we leave gorgeous. Won’t be long.” She nodded at Lando, what she didn’t realise was Lando was actually leaving through the back entrance of the restaurant to get to the beach across from the restaurant without Y/N realising. 

Shortly after, the waiter came over to Y/N and held his arm out for her to take. 

“If you’d like to close your eyes and follow me miss.” he requested. She skeptically complied and took his arm as she closed her eyes, and he took her across to the beach where Lando was waiting by the ocean.  

Once she was in front of Lando, he silently thanked the waiter and he left and went back to the restaurant. Lando grabbed Y/N’s hands in his and she took that as a sign to open her eyes and her and Lando were the only ones on the beach and the only sounds was the water crashing onto the sand. Lando began to speak. 

“Y/N, from the moment I made it home after our first date when we were 19, I knew you were the one. You’ve been with me through the ups and downs of not only my life, but my entire career and I could not thank you enough. You experienced my first podium with me and my first win and every other milestone in my career and I’ll forever be grateful to have you by my side for everything. My mum always told me as a kid that when I meet the one, I’d feel it. You’re the one Y/N. You’re my person.” Lando announced. Y/N’s hand flew over her mouth as Lando got down onto one knee and pulled out a red velvet box, opening the box to reveal the most stunning diamond ring, tears were welling in both of the adults’ eyes. 

“Y/N M/N/ L/N, will you make the happiest man ever and marry me?” He spoke with a hint of emotion in his voice. She vigorously nodded her head, tears flowing down her cheeks. 

“Yes Lando! Of course I’ll marry you” she replied. He grinned up at her and placed the ring on her left ring finger as he stood back up, hearing distant claps from people passing by and sat outside the restaurant who had witnessed the proposal. He then cupped her cheeks and pulled her into a passionate kiss full of love. The newly engaged couple pulled out of the kiss and smiled at each other, eyes filled with just as much love as the day they met. 

“I love you so much my darling girl. I can’t wait for you to be my wife.” He grinned ear to ear at his now fiancée.  

“I love you too my love. I can’t wait to be married to you and spend the rest of our lives together.” She replied, smiling back at her fiancé. 

They made their way up the beach, walking along the shore in a comfortable silence. Y/N was first to break the silence. 

“Oh my god I just realised I can now put my Pinterest board to use!” She exclaimed in excitement, clapping her hands together with a beaming smile on her face. Lando let out a laugh at her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and Y/N wrapped her arm around his waist. 

“I knew you’d say that you muppet” Lando joked. She smiled softly up at him. 

“We’re both muppets but we’re each other's muppets.” She corrected the driver. He just smiled at his girl. 

“That we are beautiful, that we are.” He softly chuckled as they continued to walk down the beach. 

Once they got home from Mykonos early the next morning, Y/N and Lando had announced the proposal on social media and rang their families, who were all very happy and excited for the couple. 

y/user

Liked by: landonorris, maxfewtrell, pietra.pilao, mclaren and others

y/user: Mykonos with my favourite human, swipe to the end for a surprise👀 (hint: he’s now completely off the market ladies🤭)

tagged: landonorris

comments:

landonorris: had the best time with you beautiful, love you forever🤍

liked by creator❤️

y/user: right back at you my love. Love you more❤️

pietra.pilao: congratulations you two!! So happy! Love you both🫶🏻

liked by: landonorris, y/user

y/user: thank you p! We love you too🫶🏻

mclaren: congratulations to you both!🧡

liked by: landonorris, y/user

lilyzneimer: omg!! Congrats you guys🤍(I better be your bridesmaid y/n/n😉😂)

liked by: landonorris, y/user, oscarpiastri

y/user: thank you lils! You already know you’re my bridesmaid babe!😉😘

liked by lilyzneimer

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landonorris

Liked by: mclaren, y/user, oscarpiastri and others

landonorris: Lando Norriz who?😏 here’s to forever with you my darling girl I can’t wait for you to be Mrs Norris🥂I love you endlessly🤍

tagged: y/user

comments:

y/user: I love you my boy🤍can’t wait to be mrs Norris🤍 (and to use my Pinterest board😝)

liked by creator❤️

landonorris: 😭😭😭 I do love you baby😂❤️

oscarpiastri: congrats mate!👏🏻Love you both!🧡 (Y/N and Lily have already been messaging non-stop about dresses😭)

liked by: y/user, landonorris, lilyzneimer

landonorris: thanks osc!🧡 and trust me mate, I know😭

y/user: watch it you pair, lily will be just as bad when you finally grow a pair and propose osc😌😘

lilyzneimer: yes I will😉😘

oscarpiastri: 👀

maxfewtrell: congrats you pair! Lots of love❤️

liked by: y/user, landonorris

landonorris: cheers mate we love you too❤️

user3: omg my parents!!😭🫶🏻also trust Lando to wear a jumper in Mykonos😭

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🏷️: @allywthsr @idathereader @moonlight-girls-posts @saturnbloom77 @scar-005 @barcelonaloverf1life @shellybee456 @meandjoemama @wellwellwellsposts @charli123456789 @timmy-wife1 @m4rt10ne @tellybearryyyy @hc-dutch @nocoolusernamesavailable-blog @neo-teenkidz @landosgirl97 @promenadewithme

If there’s a line through your name, it wouldn’t let me tag you😭

[bruisedboys]

can I request the first time shy!reader spends the night at eddie’s? maybe she falls asleep during movie night and he just doesn’t have the heart to wake her up? lots of snuggles ensue?!

ohmygosh thank you so much for this adorable req I love u so much. hope this is what u wanted angel!

shy!fem!reader 1.3k words

Eddie comes back from the bathroom and into the living room, only to stop dead in the doorway.

You’ve fallen asleep. On his couch. Well, technically his and Wayne’s, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that you’re fast asleep and you look so lovely and peaceful and Eddie actually had to grab the doorframe to stop himself from falling over.

To be trusted so much that you’ve allowed yourself to fall asleep at his place feels like a big step to Eddie. You’re a shy girl, always cautious, overly polite. Eddie remembers the first time you’d been over to his trailer, you were so quiet, so scared of doing or saying something wrong.

And now look at you.

Eddie feels like he’s been punched in the gut. He practically skips the rest of the way to the couch, desperate to be close to you again, a newfound fondness for you burning in his chest that can only be cured by sitting as close as humanly possible to you. He sits down in the space he’d left, his thigh pressed to yours. Your body has tipped away from him, your head resting on a stack of cushions balanced on the arm of the couch.

The credits of the movie you’d been watching with him play on, but Eddie’s too busy looking at you, drinking up every inch of you. Your face, squished into the cushion, the TV light painting you green and red and blue. Your t-shirt sleeve riding up your shoulder. Eddie imagines your skin is as warm and soft as it looks. He longs to touch you and has an excuse when the movie ends. He knows you’ll want to be woken up.

His hand finds your shoulder and his fingers slip beneath your sleeve.

“Y/N, sweetheart.” Eddie squeezes you gently, his thumb pressed to your shoulder. “Wake up.”

It doesn’t take much for you to wake. Soon you’re blinking awake slowly, tearing your tired eyes apart, and it’s maybe the cutest thing you’ve done ever. Eddie feels so much fondness for you it actually hurts.

“Hey,” he says gently. He shuffles closer so he can get his torso in front of yours, hoping to block the TV lights that he’ll know will be blinding for you. “Hey, baby. You fell asleep.”

You blink at him. “I did?” You ask, all raspy and sleepy.

Eddie chuckles and resists the urge to kiss you all over your cute face. “Yeah, you did. Was I boring you?”

Your expression goes from sleepy to mortified so quickly it’s alarming.

“No!” You say quickly, shaking your head. “No, I—“

Eddie’s laugh drowns out the rest of your words, and you stop fretting when you realise he’s teasing.

“I’m messing with you, sweet girl.” He slides his hand up to your collar and presses his thumb to the corner of your mouth. “You must’ve been tired, huh?”

A yawn takes over your features right on queue. Your eyes scrunch up and your mouth opens wide and Eddie can’t stop smiling. You’re so cute.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Eddie asks, his hand still pressed to your face. He’s secretly hoping you’ll say no. He’d like you to stay here forever, thank you very much. “Or … you could stay the night here? Only if you want, of course.”

You blink up at Eddie owlishly. He’s never asked you to stay the night. Never suggested it, because he’s afraid of scaring you off. He’s afraid now, waiting for your answer, that you’ll run away and never come back. But you smile. You smile, and his heart does a backflip.

“Um. Okay,” you say, quiet and unsure but that sweet smile stays put. “I think I’ll stay, if that’s okay with you.”

Eddie melts like a popsicle. He brings his other hand to your jaw and cups your pretty, sleepy face.

“Of course it’s okay, angel,” he says, soft and earnest all at once. His chest feels tight. “You can stay whenever you like, you know.”

Your smile grows. Eddie’s heart aches tenfold. “I know.”

Eddie nods. He’s feeling so much for you in this moment that it’s hard to do anything, let alone speak. Instead he pulls away from you, stands up and holds his hand out. You take it unabashedly.

“Come on then,” he says, finally finding his words as he pulls you up to stand. “I’ll find you some pyjamas, hm?”

Ten minutes later Eddie comes back from the shower and finds you in his bed, dressed in a pair of his red and black checkered pyjama pants and one of his shirts. Your eyes are half closed.

You look so lovely that Eddie feels, for the second time tonight, like he’s been punched in the stomach. His breath hitches and his heart goes haywire.

“Hi,” he says softly, dropping the towel he’d been scrubbing his hair with over the back of his desk chair. “You okay?”

You nod. “M’okay,” you mumble quietly. “Just tired.”

Eddie rounds his bed til he’s on the side you’re on, kneeling next to the bed so he can take your bicep in his hand, his palm kneading at the soft muscle. You look seconds away from falling asleep.

“Poor girl,” he murmurs, mostly to himself. Then, to you, “Do you want me to sleep on the couch? ‘Cos I will, if you’re not comfortable with us both sleeping in the bed.”

You wrench your eyes open and quit looking tired to instead look confused and mildly put out.

“What?” You ask, exhaustion tugging at your words and making them sluggish and slurred. “No, don’t sleep on the couch.”

Eddie grins like mad. He squeezes your bicep, his fingers pushing beneath your t-shirt sleeve. “You want me to sleep in the bed? With you?”

You shut you eyes again and nod into your pillow. Eddie can’t stop smiling.

“Okay, then.”

He gives your arm one last squeeze and then leaps up to switch the light off. The room gets swallowed by darkness. Eddie can just make out your figure where you’re lying in his bed, the bump of your hip, the curve of your legs.

He slides into bed next to you and it feels like it’s never felt before. Even though it’s his same, regular old bed that he sleeps in every night, nothing about this is regular. Nothing about this doesn’t make his heart race and his skin tingle and his stomach ache with fondness sweet as sugar.

He shuffles closer to you and his arm touches your arm.

“Are you okay?” He asks you. You’re awfully quiet. Well, quieter than usual. He knows it’s because you’re tired, and maybe because this whole thing is probably making you about as nervous as it’s making him, if not more.

You don’t answer but you do press your arm further into Eddie’s. He curls his pinky around yours in the dark.

“Are you nervous?” He whispers, staring at the dark roof, feeling quite a bit nervous himself.

He feels rather than hears you rolling over, and when he tears his eyes away from the roof to look at you, he sees you’ve rolled onto your side to look at him.

“A bit,” you whisper back. Your pinky hooks tighter around his.

“Me too,” Eddie admits. “I’ve never had a girl sleep over before.”

You make a sound that Eddie thinks is a tired, quiet laugh. He can hear your smile when you say, “Really?”

Eddie nods though you probably can’t see him. He slides closer and takes your hand, his fingers lacing through yours. You’re so close you could lay your head on his chest if you wanted. He hopes you will eventually.

“Yeah, really,” he says. He dips his head to kiss your forehead. “Get some sleep now, okay?”

You hum something incoherent. You’re asleep within the next minute, your head lolling onto Eddie’s shoulder within the next two.

Eddie lies awake for far longer, wondering how in the world he got this damn lucky.

-

-

[bitchimasnake-sss]

YOUR YUJI FIC WAS SO YUMMY 😳 I would love a part 2 if you’re ever up for writing it! 🥹

GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE FUCKING DEAD. ME. ME. I AM BACK AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH (im sorry i just missed writing). well, anyways, with me comes the power of horny <3

ps: this took me fucking four days to write and i don't even think it's good 😭😭 writers block is a bitch

🧸learning some lessons ft. yuuji itadori!

continuation of my previous fic "teaching some lessons", so, i suggest read that first to ensure you're fully immersed into the horny storyline. set-up: yuuji itadori. the quarterback, the guy you're giving "sex ed" lessons, and ofcourse, the brother of your childhood best friend sukuna. what could ever go wrong with this combination? nothing, i hope? warnings: contains nsfw concepts such as yuuji's first time, overstimulation, penetration, a bit of porn logic. and as always, sukuna, nobara and megumi are fucking menaces. stay blessed y'all, and minors DO NOT INTERACT I WILL FIND YOU AND HUNT YOUR ASSES. [ALSO A LITTLE BIT OF TOJI AND GOJO SLANDER IM SORRY] wc: 6.4k porn with A LOT of plot [like 70% plot im sorry]

"dude." megumi's usual nonchalant demeanor had faded in a matter of seconds. now, each of his drawled out words had a certain twinge of dread, "this is actually fucking insane."

"hm?" the pink-haired quarterback didn't even bother to dignify his best friend's statement with a proper answer. he was too busy rapidly pressing the controls, trying to get the shots right.

but megumi's hand had gone slack, the controller barely held limply in his palm. he turned to stare down the forementioned pink-headed idiot. he repeated himself, "yuuji."

"gumi—" yuuji hissed back, "we're losing, fucking focus."

"you just told me that you're fucking sukuna's best friend. her." megumi deadpanned, "the only thing i need to focus on is arranging your funeral."

yuuji hissed through his teeth as his player got shot right in the head and a definitive 'GAME OVER' flashed all across the tv screen. he sunk backwards into the comfortable couch at the fushiguro household. megumi shifted backwards too, slumping next to his best friend with a resigned sigh.

the house was eerily quiet, save for the sounds of the background score of the game playing in the background. yuuji knew tsumiki was out shopping with her friends, and gojo was out annoying the hell out of someone or the other (possibly, coach nanamin). who else was to be considered in the fushiguro household? toji fushiguro? he was an enigma. he came when he felt like and left just as soon. a model poster boy for giving people daddy issues, yuuji presumed.

"have i told you your couch is super nice?" yuuji asked as he stared at the overhead lighting before sweeping his gaze over the modern living room.

"multiple times."

the quarterback snorted, "you remember the time i got drunk—"

"—and tried to take the couch home. yes, i do. i also remember the time sukuna chased you with a knife cause you took his last pack of cheetos. imagine what he would do when you take his best friend."

yuuji pouted, giving megumi a side-eye he couldn't miss, "you're no fun."

"be for fucking real." the raved head sat up, turning towards yuuji at lightning speed. his eyes squinted in scrutiny, "you're the one making idle chit-chat as if sukuna isn't gonna kill you the moment he finds out what you and her have been up to."

"yeah but—" yuuji sighed, rubbing his palms against his face slowly, "is it really that big of a deal? i mean, it's just a few lessons here and there. it's not like she likes me or something—"

"—yeah, she probably won't. ever. considering she called you her little brother."

"oh, fuck off, gumi. that was when we were five."

"just pointing down the obvious."

"i knew i should have told nobara about the situation. she would have given much better advice."

"kugisaki would have laughed at you so hard, she would have cried." megumi got up, probably to get some more chips. as he left, he quipped over his shoulder, "you're catching feelings for someone who doesn't have that kind of interest in you, itadori. you will end up looking like an idiot at the end. and possibly dead."

well, maybe megumi fushiguro had a point. but that point was so goddamn hard to see with your thighs pressed on either sides of his face.

🧸lesson 04: maybe making girls cry is okay sometimes

"mhm- ngh oh my god. yuu." yuuji placed his tongue flat against your pulsating clit. you bucked into his face, pressing his mouth messily to your hot core as you showered him in breathless praises.

nobody was home. kuna was probably gonna be home later at night and so, you both had decided his room as the venue for your next 'lesson'.

you weren't even sure which numbered orgasm it was at this point. and you weren't sure if you even existed anymore outside of yuuji and his face and his tongue and yuuji.

red, hot need ran it's course through your body as the jock manhandled you. his calloused palms pulled your jerking hips downwards to steady them and then, pulled you hastily towards himself. yur jaw fell open, going slack at the torturous stimulation yuuji had the audacity to hum in approval when you momentarily went slack under him.

"yuuji, yuuji. yuu. pl-please please- stop. st-" tears pricked at your eyes as you called out his name in a futile attempt to get him to stop. your hands bunched at his sweaty locks, pushing and pulling to get his wicked tongue on your sensitive cunt to ease up.

but the jock was unforgiving.

his tongue dipped within you, your muscles contracting and spasming against his pretty face as his nose dug deeper against your clit. his tongue was fast, delving in and out of you methodically as you bucked and keened under his touches. the salty tears fell down your cheeks.

"yuu—" you mumbled in a weak voice and he finally looked up so as to assess the damage.

"hm?" his mouth finally parted from yours, messy and sticky.

and when yuuji looked up at you, he was sure this is the last sight he would see before he was condemned to hell for the rest of eternity. your eyes were watery, lips swollen and quivering. you could barely keep your vision straight before you clenched your eyes shut and tried to pry him off of yourself.

so fucking pretty that it made him ache. and that only pushed him to kiss inner thigh and lick a soft stripe up your gushing cunt, getting back to what he was previously doing.

"fuck fuck fuc— yuu, no. no more. p-plea— fuck." you stomach was full of something hot and molten, something jittery and unstable. something that sounded and tasted a lot like yuuji itadori.

the quarterback stayed on his knees, bringing his forefinger and thumb to pinch and rub your wet clit as your thighs shook, your eyes rolled backwards and your back arched. he grinned — a feral sight — as you finally came undone on his tongue again.

he finally pulled himself upwards, using his discarded tshirt to clean off his face. as he stood before you, all he could do was watch you awestruck.

you were heavenly.

your spent figure was slumped on his bed; t-shirt pushed up to expose your bruised tits and your legs pressed together as you tried to come back on mother earth. your eyes were still closed, cheeks wet from tears and yuuji had to stop himself from begging you to let him fuck you tonight.

but he abstained. of course not. that was insane. you would never let him go that far, would you? so, instead he chose to lie down next to you and pull you into his chest.

you nudged your cheek against his pecs, finding refuge in his warmth and he gladly let you, allowing a small smile on his face. his fingers came up to push back strands of hair from your sweaty forehead and then wipe away the salty tears that had made home against the plane of you cheeks. once he was sure you had caught your breath, he pressed a sweet kiss to your skin. finally, he mumbled, "sorry, did i go too far?"

you shook your head no, curling further into him with ease. and he let you. he shifted his position so as to allow your skin on his, so as to press his nose to your hair and smell that strawberry shampoo, so as to almost pretend for a second that you were his.

but you didn't let the show run for long. a few minutes later, as you felt the energy returning to your body, you attempted to get up.

the jock's eyebrows furrowed, he sat up with you, "something wrong? do you want something? water or—"

"—no, no." you turned to give him a weak smile, "i think i'm just gonna go shower before kuna is home and he finds me like this."

oh. ofcourse. how could he forget the ever-looming threat that was sukuna?

"can you walk?" he asked earnestly, offering you his tshirt so you could put it on, "i can walk you to the shower, if you want."

"i'll be okay, yuu." you poked your head through his shirt, trying to stand up. but your legs immediately wobbled and you lost balance, "—fuck. okay. i guess not."

yuuji offered you a smile, picking you up bridal style as you squealed at his action. a blush crept up your neck and face, "what are you doing?!"

"what? i think i should be responsible for the mess i create, shouldn't i?" he gave you a cheeky smile, the kind where the cut under his eye came alive and he grinned ear to ear. a boyish grin, perhaps. and you were fortunate enough to be on the recipient end of it.

you weren't sure what it was that you felt for yuuji, or what you didn't. all you knew that right now — as he carried you out of his room clad in a t-shirt that smelt like him — it was as if he was aware of the sudden jump your heart and wanted nothing more than to be the cause of your untimely death.

"you don't have to do this." you mumbled.

what did 'this' refer to, exactly? you weren't quite sure. was it the fact that he had entertained your drunken idea for such a long amount of time? or was if the fact that in the moments even when you weren't offering him something physical, he still looked at you as if you hung up stars in the night sky for him? maybe it was as simple as the fact that he was carrying you to run you a bath.

he stayed quiet and you repeated yourself louder, "really, yuuji, you don't have to."

"i want to." and that was all he said.

you felt his biceps tense under you as he shifted your weight on one arm and attempted to open the door with the other. he gave you a reassuring smile, and you nudged your face against his chest to hide your embarrassment at his simple answer.

once he finally was through, he walked into the lliving room, attempting to make his way to the bathroom down the hallway whe—

"YUUJI?!" a voice boomed from the door and both of you whipped your head to look at the man that stood there.

ever heard of divine intervention? yeah, this was whatever the fuck is the opposite to that. satanic intervention. cursed intervention, perhaps.

"ON—ONICHAN?!"

"CHOSO?!" you scrambled off of yuuji, hitting the ground with a muffled thud.

choso immediately looked away from his half-naked brother and the girl in his brother's t-shirt*.

(*yeah, okay, just try to understand the family dynamics for a second. choso [24] is the oldest and he has graduated uni and has a job now. sukuna and (yn) [21] are in their third year, and yuuji [20] is in his second. choso knows who (yn) is since you and kuna are childhood besties or whatever. so... yeah okay, back to the shitshow 👍🏻)

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" choso asked loudly, his eyes still averted from you both so as to not accidentally see your exposed form.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" yuuji retorted as you hid behind his broad figure instinctively, trying to recover whatever ounce of modesty you had.

"I OBVIOUSLY HAD THE KEY TO MY OWN HOME?!"

"WELL, DON'T WALK IN UNANNOUNCED? DO YOU HAVE NO MANNERS?"

"yuuji."

"IM SORRY 'NICHAN!!"

and that is how choso found out about your little arrangement. and that is how you both decided to never have another rendezvous session at the itadori's.

🧸lesson 05: you got this, itadori!

"what the fuck?" megumi asked slowly, eyeing yuuji as the jock shoved some french fries down his mouth.

"YEAH, WHAT THE FUCK?!" nobara repeated, louder. to which, megumi gave her a side-eye, "we're in public, kugisaki."

yuuji took his time, sipping his coke before shrugging, "yeah, so, 'nichan found out."

nobara shook her head, "no. no. turn around 360—"

"—180. 360 makes a circle."

"die, megs. anyways, turn around and tell me that part of the story where you started—" the red-head shuddered, "—doing stuff with senpai. why?! how?! why?! how??"

yuuji took a bite from his burger before saying, "well, she offered."

"fuck that all. it's old news."

"for you. cause, apparently, i was left out of the loop—"

"—much sad. anyways, is choso okay with you and her? or is he gonna snitch you out to sukuna?"

"i mean, no. i don't think so, no." yuuji tried to steal a fry off of nobara's plate and she smacked his hand off, "ow kugisaki! whatever. he gave me a long lecture about how i should actually pursue her and officially ask her out if we wanna keep doing this. after that, for whatever unrelated reason, he cried about how quickly we grew up."

"virgin behavior." nobara stuck out a tongue, quickly reeling out of her disbelief over the fact that yuuji was getting some, "i mean, that's old-fashioned. you don't have to date her, you know?"

"but your brother's not wrong, is he?" megumi offered. "don't keep doing this just cause you want a way to get your dick wet."

"megs, it's not 1920. they are consensual adults and they can just fool around if they're on the same page."

"yeah but about that—" yuuji tried to sneak in a fry from megumi's plate now, "—i think i'm in love with her. and i am pretty sure the feelings are one-sided."

"huH?!"

"what?" the jock looked at the two dumbfounded, "i like her. she's pretty and smart and i think— i like her."

he didn't think he liked you. he knew that he was whole-heartedly, as stupidly as humanly possible, in love with you.

but he didn't bother mentioning the fact.

he didn't bother mentioning a plethora of things, in fact. first, that his heart had been offered to you at the ripe age of four when he first realized that sunlight got caught against your hair strands somewhat magically, and when you smiled, he smiled; and that when he cried, you kissed his imaginary wounds better even when sukuna made fun of him.

he didn't bother mentioning that when he asked you to marry him, there was only such a small part of him that was 'joking', the larger chunk of him would have exchanged his soul for some sort of forbidden alchemy to be with you.

he didn't bother mentioning that when he was thirteen, a slew of girls had asked to be his girlfriend, and he had turned down each one of them to sneak in his first kiss with you.

but all those years of pining just turned into a small ball of anxiety, ever-growing in his stomach. he knew you didn't feel the same. so, he didn't bother saying any of that. because, well, frankly, his situation seems just a tiny-teensy bit pathetic.

"i guess i just like her... just a bit." he repeated, more to himself than others.

"we heard the first time. and the second."

"DUDE" nobara's eyes widened, "she's sukuna's best friend."

"hey, what happened to the fact that we are consensual adults fooling around?"

"oh no, fuck that. i was humoring you." nobara shook her head, "sukuna's gonna murder you."

"yeah, i know." yuuji sighed, his playfulness replaced by something more mature, "i am not gonna ask her out. i think i'm gonna call this— whatever this is— off. i don't want her to lose her friendship with 'kuna, and she... well, she probably doesn't like me anyways."

megumi and nobara exchanged a sorry expression among themselves before looking back to yuuji. but the jock put on a smile, "ah it's fine, it was fun while it lasted." he leaned back in his seat, "wanna catch a movie after this? human earthworm is out."

so the quarterback had gone back home that day with a certain resolve. he would call this off.

he put on his lucky red sweatshirt, put on the cologne you had complimented once when he had gone for one of his lessons, and he put on his best fake smile. as he passed by sukuna in the living room, he guiltily looked away from him and walked out of the door as soon as possible.

"where ya going?" the tatted man asked, not looking up from his phone.

"nowhe—" he sighed, running a hand through his hair before he bent downwards to put on his shoes, "with gumi and nobara. we're going to the arcade."

"you've been hanging out with the fushiguro kid quite a lot nowadays. a lot of sleepovers."

yuuji's fingers halted, slowly fidgeting with the shoelaces before he threw sukuna a casual look, "he's my friend. and his dad is out of town so i go over. got an issue?"

"nah, do whatever." kuna met his eyes but then went back to his phone without saying much. a beat later, he continued, "well, let me know if you'd be home in time for dinner."

yuuji stood up, dusting off his clothes, "you're cooking today?"

"yeah, thought i'd invite her over. she likes that pasta i make."

at the mention of you, yuuji looked over sukuna once. a sharp sting suddenly erupted in his chest like someone had hit him. hard. and, so, without saying anything more, the younger itadori immediately left through the main door.

things must end.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

his fingers skimmed over the ringing bell in front of your apartment as his feet nervously shuffled around at the door. he knew you were on the other side, waiting for him. as the door swung open, he was face to face with your housemate.

"hey?" maki raised an eyebrow, a smug smile on her lips. she was dressed as if she was leaving to go somewhere, "she's in her room."

yuuji simply pursed his lips, nodded and moved past his senior. before walking into your room, he stalled in front of the door, threw his head back to catch maki about to leave, "kugisaki says hi, by the way."

and if yuuji didn't know any better, he would have assumed the glare maki gave was one well-intended to kill him.

he wasn't sure if the room was chilly or if the reason for goosebumps was something else, but nonetheless, he shut the door behind him and stepped into the room. as he came in view with the bed, he found you casually on your back, scrolling your phone.

"yuuji!" you smiled as you sat up, a familiar warmth spreading over your face at his presence. but he merely nodded, his lips drawn into a thin line.

"um," you fidgeted, standing up hastily and laughing to ease the awkwardness, "so, uh— did maki let you in?"

"yeah, she did."

"oh, well, she's going out, so we don't need to worry about her." you paused for a second before your expression fell and you tried again, "hey?"

but a same monotone expression fell across his face, "hey."

"um... is something wrong? in a bad mood or something?"

"not quite." yuuji rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the cold, wooden floors, "i wanted to talk. to you, i mean."

you nodded, although he didn't look up at you to register your expression. he continued softly, "we should stop this."

"what?"

"i—" he looked up at you, quickly sneaking in a steadying breath, "i wanted to thank you for the 'lessons'. it's been fun and i learnt so much, really. but you don't have to do it anymo—"

"why?" you interrupted, "did someone find out?"

"what? no."

"then?" you stepped towards him, your unyielding gaze trained on his face, "do you not... want to do it with me anymore?"

"no, ofcourse not." his eyes widened and he stepped forward in a desperate attempt to comfort you. his palms found purchase against your cheek, "no. that's not what i meant."

"what do you mean then?" you looked up at him, confused.

"i-" he looked at you softly, "i really can't ruin your friendship with sukuna anymore. we need to stop. it has gone for... for way too long, now, hasn't it?"

"—it's just been a few months."

"come on. we both know we need to stop." he confessed, and as his words left you hollow, so did his touch. he pulled away from you and stepped back a teensy bit to allow you some space. "it will be for the best."

you looked at him for a beat. and then one more. finally, "kiss me."

and the jock obliged without any hesitation. his lips were familiar against yours, his hands on your cheek, and his body weight pressing onto you and pushing you backwards into the bed.

the back of your knees hit the wooden frame and you stumbled backwards, falling onto the bed with a muffled thud. but yuuji didn't bother following you and caging you underneath him. instead, he stood at the edge, waiting.

"yuu?" you asked softly.

"are you sure about this?"

and you weren't sure if he was asking that question to you or himself. you weren't sure if his fingers were shaking from the betrayal or the need to hold you against him. but you nodded your head anyways, "yeah. if this is it. if this is the last time then indulge in my stupid ideas one last time." you paused, "please?"

he nodded before swiftly throwing off his hoodie off of his torso an onto the floor. bruises from a few days before laid tattered across his tan skin and his biceps flexed and moved as he slowly caged you under him.

"fuck," he breathed in slowly, taking in your low-lidded gaze, "you're so fuckin' pretty."

your fingers found solace in his pinkish locks and you pulled him closer — till your skin smelt like his perfume and his stuttered breath hit your lips, "yuuji."

"hm?" his eyes ran over your face, and the adoration in his eyes made you feel like he would set the world aflame if you so as even asked him to.

"fuck me."

his pupils widened, cheeks flushed and a breathless gasp got stuck in his throat. at his reaction, you pulled him downwards, kissing him softly before the tendrils of passing seemed to nip down on both of you. soon after, you were nothing more than messy kisses, clashing teeth and wrong decisions.

"fuuck— ha-harder." he moaned as your fingernails sunk into his scalp, pulling him harder against yourself.

your hands travelled downwards to his chest and you pushed him away only to turn him around and straddle his hips. your pelvis rolled over his, the delicious friction driving you delirious as you peered down at the man under you — kiss-bitten lips, tousled hair, flushed cheeks.

yuuji itadori looked at you as if you were his god.

and you played along. rolling your hips, tracing a finger from his jaw down to his pecs as your lips traced the path with soft kisses soon after.

his hips stuttered, trying to meet your shallow teases before he mumbled out a soft, "take off your clothes."

you smiled, putting on a show for him as you slipped out of your tshirt. leaving yourself exposed to his preying eyes, you slowly took off the bra.

"shit, look at you." he raised himself on his elbows, coming upwards to softly kiss your warm skin before slowly licking over your nipple as another hand fondled the other. your head was thrown back at the feeling of his warm mouth on you while his fingers softly tugged at the other.

soon after that, you found yourself rocking yourself on his long fingers as he sunk his teeth in your neck, getting off on the pretty sounds you made as you rut against him almost as desperately as he was. when he caught you sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, trying to stay quiet, he pulled your face towards his and kissed you senseless. when he pulled away, his hot breath fanned over your lips, "don't. let me hear, please."

and so senseless moans tumbled down your lips as you you came, still rutting against his hand.

when your breath stilled and you finally met his gaze, all you could was breath out an airy, "fuck me, please."

flushed face, hazy eyes, your mouth parted so prettily at the end of the sentence. who was itadori yuuji to deny you of anything?

"say that again."

🧸lesson 06: fuck it up, itadori!

"n-no protection? are you... sure?"

god, he was adorable.

you held back a laugh as you re-assured him a millionth time, "i'm on birth control, so, no. trust me."

"hm. hm." his breath was caught in his throat as if it were a jagged rock. your hands on his torso felt warm — too warm — as if they would char him and you blinked up at him so prettily as you laid atop those pillows.

"i- one second. i-" his voice was thick, hands slightly shaking as he tried to guide his erection into your slick cunt.

"yuu," you cooed and he looked at you in part hope, part confusion. a laugh escaped you at his expression, "you look like a kicked puppy."

"so-sorry, imjustnervous—" he mumbled, his eyes avoiding yours.

"yuu," you repeated, "this is your first time, right?"

he nodded so softly that it was entirely too easy to miss it. you held back an amused grin, "let me help, okay?"

shockwaves ran through his body as your soft hand slowly took ahold of his dick and ran the tip over your clit, gathering your wetness on the mushroom tip. you both held back a choked sigh as your hand continued the same up and down, up and down, up and down motion till you felt as if yuuji was going to cry just from the teasing.

"h-hey—"

"sorry, sorry. no more teasin', i promise." you replied cheekily, fingers finally guiding him to your sloppy hole. and as the tip finally pushed past the first ring of feeble resistance, a shuddering gasp left the man above you.

pushing in inch by inch, you gasped at the sinful stretch of him filling you. your walls spasmed slightly against him, hugging him so sinfully tight that he wondered if he would pass out just right now. but he couldn't. so he commanded himself to keep moving forward till he was all but buried within you.

"s-shit." his breath was heavy against the dip of your neck and you ran a soft hand through his hair, "you okay, yuu?"

"ye-yeah." he shook his head slowly, descending down on you to sink his teeth into your skin again as he started moving slowly.

"jus like that— yeah."

at first his thrusts were slow and shallow, as if he was just testing the waters. but as you found you keening into his touches and moaning as his tip rubbed against a certain spot, he grew sure of his actions.

his thrusts were now harder, a bit more precise and his tempo increased as you dug your heels on his back and tugged on his hair to keep him going.

"jesus" you gasped, back arching off slowly as his lower abs caught friction against your clit and his dick started ramming into your with a periodic rhythm. "fu-fuck is it your fuckin first time? for fucks sake, yuuji ngh—"

his breath was laboured, a thin layer of sweat adorning his forehead and nose, "im a quick learner, fuck— you're shi-shit, you're so fucking perfect."

lifting himself up slightly, his hand snaked in between your bodies and he found himself thumbing at your clit with ease.

"yuuji—" your voice pitched up as his circles grew in pressure. already overstimulated from his administrations on your poor cunt, you felt the pressure building inch by inch till it grabbed ahold of your body and shook you to your very core.

under him, you grabbed hastily at the sheets, at the pillow, at his hair, at anything to keep yourself on this plane of consciousness as he kept drawing messy figures on your clit and fucked into your cervix with reckless abandon.

and that unsteady, familiar feeling grew and grew and grew till it turned your body to jello and burst inwards, "f-fuck shit, ohmygod im cummin im cummin im cumm— FUCK YUUJI—"

his fingers pressed hastily against your lips but the cockiness in his voice practically dripped off of him and onto you, "shh, someone might hear, pretty."

his thrusts grew erratic, nudging him more and more towards a certain, familiar kind of high. his face found solace against your shuddering body as he cursed and spilled inside you.

"fuck." he cursed one last time as he breathed you in, just laying atop you having spent himself.

he slowly pulled himself upwards, pressing a chaste kiss to your nose, and you gave him a spent smile, the kind that had quickly became his favorite. he slowly pulled himself out, and caught the milky white gushing out of your cunt.

and with that, itadori yuuji lost all sanity.

next you knew, your face was being pressed into the mattress, your cunt being ravaged by his unforgiving dick ramming in and out easily.

"fuc-fuck, sogood so fuckin' good—"

his chest was against your back, his weight pressing down on your so deliciously and trapping you under him. you pressed your face harder into the mattress, screaming out muffled renditions of his name as he softly pinched your clit.

"i'm sorry, baby, im so fuckin' sorry" but he sounded anything but sorry as he whispered hotly in your ear, both his fingers and his dick doing everything in their power to turn you into nothing more than a woman maddened with his touch.

your fingers sunk into the sheets underneath, your death-grip growing even more deadlier as he fucked into you as a man depraved.

"this 'sthe last time," his words slurred as he left sloppy kisses down your neck, "promise, i promise."

but those promises were nothing more than candied words on his pretty lips, because now he had you on top of him, your back against his chest, his heels digging into your mattress dangerously as he fucked up into you.

"yuu— yuuJI pleaseplease ple— fucking fuc—" your voice grew in pitch, unresolved tears falling down your face as his hands fondled your tits, tugging and tweaking the nipples to his liking, and your own familiar fingers toyed with your clit.

how could he go on for so fucking long? jesus fucking christ.

"i play varsi- fuck varsity," he answered softly, "this is nothin' for me."

he pressed a soft kiss to your neck as his cock split you apart for the nth time and you fell apart on top of the man who claimed to love you more than he loved life and reason itself.

"don't." his voice grew desperate, a hand coming to hold yours over your overstimulated, abused clit, "i didn- say you could stop, did i? keep going. please. one more. fuck. please."

"yuuji stop—"

"—give me one more, please."

"pleasepleaseplease—" you sobbed, your body arching off of him as he brought you to another one orgasm. you eyes rolled back into your skull, a bit of drool dangerously on your bottom lip, and your body went slack so as to let him do as he pleased.

your cunt gushed on his dick, spraying you both in your juices he thrusted into one last time, spilling into your overfilled pussy all over again with a breathless string of pants and moans.

the quarterback collapsed backwards onto your bed with you on top of him. he reluctantly pushed the weight of your sweaty body off of him, and instinctively pressed another kiss to your head.

his hand came up to push back the sweaty hair strands that stuck to you like second skin, and to thumb at the furious blush on your cheeks. your eyes fluttered upwards at him, you barely managing a smile, "thankyou."

"for what?" he turned to his side, taking every feature of you in with a small smile. a beat passed him by in the serene room before he found his heart weighing heavily and lodging itself between his lungs.

"you're so pretty" he found himself mumbling, "i wish i- i wish i could..." but he caught himself before he could make a fool of himself and confess to a passed out girl. he bit the inside of his cheek. maybe it was better if he just left wordlessly. "nothing."

you were asleep. he knew that. but then why did you snuggle closer and whispered a soft, "i love you."

"—huH?!" any and all sanity left the jock at this point. his eyes as wide as saucers as he stared down your softly snoring form, "what did you just say?"

but you said nothing, still softly snoring in your goddamn sleep and yuuji felt like he was going insane. did you say it??? did he imagine it??? is this a punishment from the devil (sukuna) itself??? what was real anymore? was he real???

and hey what does a panicked twenty year old does when faced with the possible conundrum of his crush of fifteen years having feelings for him?? he runs.

yuuji itadori never had put on his clothes faster than he did right this moment. hastily putting one leg into the sweats and then another, he dashed to make his way to the door. before stepping out, he looked back at you one last time.

fuck itadori, are you dumb?! she doesn't love you like that. it's the post-sex hormones. his consciousness begged in the voice of megumi fushiguro, which was a bit concerning cause was the voice of reason in his head megumi fushiguro?!

but that was not the issue at hand right now. his voice of reason could be questioned another time. right now? running. yes, that was the plan.

the lock softly clicked and he stepped out into the living room before closing the door ever so slowly behind him.

"done fucking?"

and yuuji's blood ran cold.

he whipped around to peer at a certain, tatted delinquent who was sat on the couch in the living room, "brother?"

"brother? huh?" sukuna laughed, the sound so chilling that yuuji felt his blood freeze ad turn into cement, "bringing out the formalities?"

yuuji's tongue got stuck in his throat and sukuna stood up slowly, holding up his hands in mock surrender, "she wouldn't pick up my calls, and i had a spare key. sorry if i'm fuckin imposing."

"'kuna," yuuji's voice was quiet, "it's not what he looks like."

"hm, it is not?" he flashed the younger itadori an amused smile, "ofcourse it is not. what do you think i think you both did?"

"fu-fucked?" the jock swallowed hard.

"bingo."

"i didn't." yuuji didn't know if he was begging for forgiveness, and if yes, then what for? for betraying sukuna's trust or for feeling satisfied that his brother knew of his conquests?

"you didn't? from what i heard, she seemed a little too happy in there." and now sukuna stood mere inches apart, his hand balled into a neat fist.

"kun—" but yuuji's right cheek bore the fate of getting punched by sukuna.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND, YUUJI?"

the jock nursed his cheek, still reeling from the attack. but a certain flame came alive. he wasn't a fucking child. "YEAH, YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND."

sukuna looked at him in disbelief, "how fucking could you? she meaNS SHIT TO ME, YOU FUCKFACE."

"—SO DOES SHE TO ME."

the man stepped insanely closer, grabbing ahold of yuuji's hoodie's collar, "THEN WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU RUNNING AWAY FROM HER RIGHT NOW? HUH?"

the two boys heaved heavily, anger boiling hot through their veins. finally yuuji spat up, "she told me she loved me."

sukuna's grasp loosened, "what?"

"she fucking told me she loved me."

"and you're running?" sukuna looked at his brother with a strange look. disappointment, perhaps?

"i- it's a mistake. she doesn't." yuuji looked downwards, trying not to show his pain in his soft words, "and... i didn't want to fucking hurt you, asshole."

"so you're a coward?" the tatted man scoffed.

and yuuji pushed his brother back, "fuck you."

"no." sukuna's gaze hardened, "you fuck off, you stupid fucking dipshit. she told you she loves you, and you ran?"

"for fucks sake, sukuna" yuuji breathed in slowly, "i thought you'd be elated she probably doesn't."

"you fucked around with her for god knows how long, pretending i didn't know." sukuna stepped back, his words quieter.

"you knew?"

"i'm not dumb, of course i fucking knew." he paused, "and 'nichan told me."

"jesus fucking christ, 'nichan." yuuji looked down at the floors, "what now?"

"grow a pair, and actually ask her out."

"what?" the jock looked up, confused, "you- wait, you are saying i should ask her out?"

sukuna shrugged, "you've compromised her. you must follow through with the consequences."

"did you watch too much bridgerton? what the fuck is compromised??"

"i did, 'nichan made me watch it. pleasantly surprising, actually." and yuuji was immediately mentally slapped with the image of sukuna enjoying bridgerton.

"huh?" yuuji softly shook his head, "so... what? i like have your blessing or whatever to ask her out?"

the delinquent made a face of disgust, "i'm not a priest, what the fuck do you mean by blessing? yeah, just fucking ask her out."

"and what if she says no?"

"then i will remind you of your failure everyday in life."

yuuji looked at his brother awestruck, "thanks, kuna."

"don't. when you come back home, im gonna beat you to a pulp for fucking my best friend."

"i deserve it."

"fuck yeah, you do." the older itadori made his way to the main entrance, "go fix shit."

and as sukuna left through the door, itadori yuuji slipped back into your room, crawled back into bed with you, and held you close to his chest. softly, as a giddy smile overtook his features, he mumbled, "i love you too."

next morning you woke up next to a fully-clothed yuuji with a swollen right cheek.

"yuu?! why are you dressed?! and what the fuck happened to your cheek?!"

"i fell off your bed."

"what the actual fuck?!"

a/n: IM GENUINELY SO SORRY IF THIS SUCKS ASS, I GOT TOO MUCH INTO CHARACTER WRITING HELPPP!! i really hope it was atleast a fun read, and as i said it took me 4 days just to make it a bit coherent since i'm writing after so long. please forgive me and enjoy the meal. [sorry for any typos and such babes] tagging: @9rvm @jellibean2018 @peekawoocc @kingofthe-egirls @hugmevz [thankyou sm for sending in the request, i was already writing it here so i tagged you <3] misc.: divider by @plutism and header format by @si-eunnis plagiarism not authorized bitch.

[reiderwriter]

Here Isn't Where I Wanna Be

Chapter Four of I Can't Help Myself

Summary: With Spencer gone, you find yourself spiralling into anger again until a new friend - and a silver lining to your entire situation - appears.

Warnings: Unplanned pregnancy, mentions of the smut in the last chapter in detail, no explicit smut.

A/N: And so we get to it - the plot!! If you're enjoying the series, let me know in the replies or in my inbox, and feedback is greatly appreciated~♡

Masterlist || Add yourself to the taglist

With Mondays back to normal, you were surprised to find yourself still under the weather the day after Spencer had left you. 

Walking into your office, your body anticipated the fight, muscles tensing, heart beating, blood pumping as you opened the door to your office. Logically, you knew he wouldn't be there. He'd practically shouted it at you the Saturday before. But seeing the vacant desk left you angry once again. 

Tense for a fight, you couldn't stop pacing back and forth in your office as the hours ticked on. A small part of you had hoped that the activities you'd indulged in during the weekend - and indulged was the word for whatever it was you'd done - had simply been your over active imagination once again. 

But even though Spencer has cleaned you up to the best of his ability, had left you in your bed in fresh clothes and tucked under the covers, he couldn't erase the traces of himself on your skin or in your apartment. 

The files you'd both thrown around on the tables were still strewn haphazardly around, the tangle of last night's clothes still discarded suggestively in a line to your couch. He'd washed you up, sure enough, and you'd found a towel and wash cloth in your laundry basket the next morning, but he'd not done a thorough job and you found yourself washing all traces of your activities away from your inner thighs still. 

So, yes. You paced in your office, and you waged a silent war against the empty desk. 

The first week, you were sure they'd come to collect it, to move it elsewhere. 

After all, his time with you - with the university - was done. 

After two weeks, you started spreading yourself out across both desks, twisting them around into an inverted L space so you could roll your chair between the two of them. You stacked books on the stupid reminder of him, you used it as a dining table on late nights and short lunch breaks, you kicked your feet up on it as you read and acted as though it were yours and had never been anyone else's. 

And then you got angry enough that you unblocked Spencer Reid's number. 

You were raging and suffering this torment alone, and why should you be? You'd made a mistake with the case files, sure, but you'd been driven to it by his cockiness, his actions. You deserved the chance to make his life hell one last time as well. 

You took yourself home that night, wrapped yourself in a blanket and pulled your laptop in front of you, and unblocked his number. 

Immediately, you put the phone down and opened your emails. 

You'd take responsibility for the messages, sure, but you had not blocked his email. Searching through the files, you looked through your department database for his work email, searched your inbox for his messages, and came up blank. 

It took you two hours of traipsing through each email - admittedly, you'd probably signed up to one to many mailing list - just to be sure. You finally turned to your spam folder, and there it was. 

“Son of a bitch,” you muttered under your breath as you looked through ten emails. Ten emails from his FBI email account. No wonder they hadn't gotten throug, it was an unauthorised email on a company server. 

You only grew angrier as you read through the messages. 

“Y/N, I have reason to believe you have a file I need as soon as possible. Please message me back as soon as you get this. Spencer.”

“Y/N. I haven't received word from you in 24 hours. If there's something wrong, please reach out. If you're being stubborn, I hope you see reason. Spencer.”

“Y/N. I have your address. If you don't reply in the next four hours, I will be paying you a visit to collect the file myself. You have blocked my number and resisted adult conversation, and I am tired of playing these games. Spencer.”

Sick of playing games? 

From the man that had been playing jenga and scrabble with your bookshelves, that was absolutely rich. You may have worked out that nights frustrations with him easily, but you found yourself angry all over again.

You hadn't even checked your phone yet either, sure that he'd blown that up too until he figured out his number was blocked. 

He'd found your address. He'd practically stalked you to get what he wanted, and then he'd just washed his hands of you the night after? 

It had been a month, and you were still frustrated. 

Your stomach flipped, bike rising in your throat as your anger burned through you.

If he could find you, you sure as hell could find him. You'd assumed he'd found your address through work, and realised it was just as easy to find his as well.  

Before you could stop yourself, you were loading yourself into a car at 8 pm. and driving across the city to Spencer Reid's apartment. 

The red blurring your vision didn't fade until you sounded against his door and were greeted with an entirely too feminine “I'm coming!” 

The woman who opened the door was blonde and cute and sweet, and she had a wonderful smile. You were going to rip Spencer Reid's throat from his chest. 

“I-I’m sorry, I was told this is Spencer Reid's apartment,” you said, trying your best to disappear into the night.

“Oh, yes. Can I help you?” 

“No. No, I'm sorry, I- I don't need help.” 

You must've looked uneasy in that second because before you knew it, the woman was inviting you inside for a hot drink, taking your few seconds of hesitancy to push down your guards completely. 

“Spencer doesn't keep much here in terms of food, but I know there has to be some…aha! Coffee!” 

“No, thank you, really I'm alright, I should leave-” 

In another two minutes, she'd talked you into sitting down and had put a mug in your hands. In a miracle turn of events, you'd actually relaxed enough to take in your surroundings. 

It was like you'd stepped back into your work office. Spencer's apartment, or at least the main living space, was filled with books. There were stacks everywhere, the shelves alphabetised - obviously - and looking neatly chaotic. 

You wanted to examine everything, every picture, every trinket on the shelf, every weakness he had that you could exploit. You wanted to know him. 

“S-So,” you started, turning back to the woman who'd sat herself down in a chair opposite you, staring at you excitedly. “How long have you and Spencer been dating?” 

The woman spluttered her coffee before sending up a howl of laughter that had your cheeks heating. 

Okay. Misunderstanding. You were less pissed at Spencer, but only a fraction.

“Oh, god, the idea of me and the good doctor is incredibly ridiculous. No, it feels incestuous, actually. Really, like shivers down my spine type stuff.”

“So you're his sister?” You asked, even though you knew the answer. Spencer was an only child. You had spent three months with him, you knew at least that much about him. 

“I'm Penelope, I work with Spencer. He's on a case right now, and I came to find him a book.” 

“A book?” You asked again, taking another sip of your drink. Mistake aside, you felt comfortable sitting with her. The couch was comfy, the entire apartment was damn cosy, and it smelt….

Your spine straightened when you realised it smelt like he did, when you realised that thought was somehow a comfort to you. Your stomach had settled for the first time in a week, and the nausea leaving your body after four weeks of anger had made you sick. 

“Yeah, we've been working back to back cases, so he didn't have time to come back and pick up materials, so here I am as his little fairy godfriend to send him a care package.” 

You laughed gently and pulled your feet underneath you on the couch, curling up again. 

“He doesn't deserve you.” 

“What makes you say that?” Her face was open. Her tone was light  but you felt that you'd just walked into a trap. Even though Penelope had described her role on the team to you (not a profiler, not a big risk), you couldn't help but feel as though you were walking into a trap. 

“Well, he's… he's… You know the man better than I do, right? He's infuriating.”

She raised an eyebrow and gave you a smile but didn't say a word. 

“He's domineering. He thinks his way is the best way, he- he- he rearranged my bookshelves!” 

And my guts, you thought to yourself, holding your tongue just quick enough to not let that slip out. You still weren't sure where you stood on the sex. It was good. It was great. It was more than great, and yet you'd hated him until the very second he put his lips on yours, and you hated him again when you'd woken the next morning. Surely that meant that you'd still hated him while fucking him, that you'd just been temporarily blinded by lust? 

“Your bookshelves?” 

“At the university. Sorry, I- I didn't introduce myself, did I?” You told her your name, how you'd met Spencer and regaled her with tales of your office antics. 

“Penelope you, you should've seen the look on his face. It was priceless! Like a deer in headlights, his eyes were so wide, it was adorable,” you said, recounting the run-in with the student. 

“And then, infuriating man, he said he'd spent all day looking at me, but like, with the books-” 

You realised after five minutes of talking that Penelope had gone completely quiet, just grinning. Uncharacteristically quiet. You'd known her less than an hour, and you knew it was uncharacteristic for her to be so quiet. 

“So you hate him?” She asked, noticing your abrupt stop. 

“I- yes. Yes, I did. I do."

“It doesn't sound like you-” 

“We- we parted on really bad terms. I think. I took one of your files accidentally, and he was very angry, we both said some things-” And did some other things, you thought. 

“Things that I'm sure we both regret.” 

“Oh my god-” the other woman said, suddenly going wide-eyed and jumping up from the couch. 

“You're the- you're the reason he was late! He's never been late, never, apart from - well anyway he's never late but he was late and… oh Miss Y/N, you're not telling me everything!” 

“What? N-No, I don't know what you're-” 

“Luke owes me $20. This is wonderful. Look at me, I'm not even a fancy shmancy profiler or anything!” 

“Penelope please-” 

She heard the plea in your tone and sat down again, zipping her lips up and throwing away a non-existent key. 

“While we were…arguing, he accused me of having blocked his email, ignoring him on purpose. I found out today that he emailed from his FBI account and not his university email-” 

“So it was sent to your spam folder? Yeah, it happens all the time.” 

You shot her a tired look, and she repeated her action. Lips zipped, key thrown.

“I came here to….” To what? Fight with him again? See him again? To one up him? To kiss him again, feel his hands on you, feel his fingers inside of you, his tongue on your clit as you rode his face again, his hands around your throat as you came on his dick, as he blew his load inside you, filling you with his cum- 

“Shit.” 

“Shit? What's… what is shit, Y/N? Please enlighten me, because everything seems very not shit to me right now, other than the fact that I'm due a video call from our boy wonder soon and I haven't located this book yet.

You counted in your head and then recounted again as all the blood drained from your body. You didn't even want to acknowledge the fact that you'd come here just to see him again  using whatever old excuse you could find to get back into his arms (or more accurately, his bed). 

You counted, and you counted again until your brain fogged, and you couldn't even hear Penelope asking you if you were alright anymore. 

“Penelope, I- I think… Penelope, can you keep a secret?” 

“Yes, I can absolutely keep a secret. I'm a great secret keeper. Everyone says if you want a secret keeping, Penelope is your girl-” 

“Okay, that's- that's enough. I need to- shit, I need to go and get…” 

For the thousandth time since Spencer left, you stood up and started pacing. 

“Okay, now you're worrying me, friend I just made. Please don't freak out on me.” 

“I'm sorry, I'm going to freak out, I think I'm pregnant. Very much freaking out.”

All of a sudden, Penelope was up and pacing beside you. 

“Pregnant! With a baby? You think you're pregnant with a baby?”

“I don't see how I could be pregnant with anything else?” 

“You're sure?”

“No! I need a test or a sign from God or something.” 

The woman took a deep breath herself and then grabbed your shoulders, hauling you to her side. 

“Okay, breathe. You sit here, I’ll go pick up a test. Don't go anywhere and don't spiral. Rearrange the bookshelves of you must but don't. Leave. Okay?” 

You nodded, and she rushed out of the door in a whirlwind.

For at least ten minutes, you stayed completely still. It had been roughly seven weeks since your last period and 26 days since you and Spencer had sex. He hadn't pulled out. He hadn't worn a condom. He hadn't asked if you were on birth control. As much as you wanted to be angry, though, you hadn't told him to pull out. You hadn't stopped him and asked him to put on a condom, and if you were telling the truth, you enjoyed it all the more when he'd finished inside you. You'd forgotten that you'd gone off your birth control when you'd started your job, knowing that tenure came with health insurance and wanting to get the implant cheaper or included in your premium. 

What a brilliant plan.

Still, you weren't expecting this, and you were in a haze. 

Seven weeks. You'd missed a period, and you hadn't even noticed. 

You stopped spiralling when you paced into the bookshelves and started actually looking at the things laid about on his shelves. 

There were chess pieces, small rooks placed here and there, as if dropped and forgotten. Paper stuck out of the books at all different angles, and you noticed his looping scrawl on a few of them, his notes brief and indecipherable, but still bringing a faint smile to your lips. 

Then there were the pictures. There were a lot with an older woman you instantly recognised as his mother, and your heart softened as how they looked very protective of one another. Others showed him with his team, with Penelope, and a stern looking middle-aged man, two women, a happy looking, well-built man. There were weddings, faces that popped up here and there. There was a very young, very vulnerable looking Spencer playing chess with an older man. 

The room was filled with family, and you couldn't stop the tears from welling up in your eyes as you took in how much Spencer could love. 

He cared, and he cared deeply, and there were all these people in his life that enjoyed being around him. And he hated you. 

Your heart sank, and you were about to leave when Penelope appeared again, test in hand and gently pushed you into the bathroom. 

You took the test and waited. Penelope waited beside you, clutching your (clean) hands in hers as she talked you through her day, distracting you in the only way she could.

But your brain resisted everything, focused only on how you were about to grow a family with a man you knew didn't enjoy your company. 

“What am I going to do, Penelope?” You whispered, suddenly afraid of what your future looked like. 

“I can't - I can't raise a baby with a man that doesn't love me the way-” 

You ran a hand through your hair, biting your tongue quickly. 

“You don't have to answer me, but is it… is there a chance it could be Spencer's?” 

You nodded before you could even think of lying, too wrapped up in your mental to-do list building up and up and up. 

“It could be negative? This could just be panic and stress and-” 

You heard the alarm you'd set for the test go off and jumped up, sprinting into the bathroom. 

Two lines. What did two lines mean? Two lines meant baby. 

Baby. You were having a baby. 

“Y/N, what does it say?” Penelope asked from behind you. 

“It's… I'm…shit.” 

She came up behind you and looked herself, cursing the same way you did as she watched you for your reaction. 

There was a baby. You were going to have a baby. 

Okay. You could have a baby. You could bring a baby into this world. You just had to figure out how, and write a to-do list, and avoid telling your boss until you got tenure, and tell your parents, and tell Spencer. 

Spencer. 

You had to Spencer. You collapsed to the ground, mumbling to yourself as Penelope fanned you with her hands, squeaking at your unresponsiveness. 

“Spencer…” you mumbled. “I have to tell Spencer.”

You blinked the fog out of your eyes and stood quickly, absent mindedly making a note to check if sudden movements were good for the baby or not. 

“Penelope, I need some help,” you said, moving to the living room and pulling our your phone. She trailed behind you, sending you a worrying look, and you thanked the heavens that you'd managed to run into the most forgiving angel of a woman on quite possible the best/worst day of your life. The jury waa still undecided. 

You snapped a picture of the shelves, and then, throwing your phone down, you started tearing each stack apart. 

Once you'd made a large enough gap in the stacks, you turned back to Penelope. 

“We're going to tell Spencer. Like this.” 

🔖@stillhere197 @understandingsunrise @mindfullycriminal @aliteralsemicolon @r-3dlips @alexafromamazon15 @jasf444 @subunitless @thebloomingeagle @lackingoriginalthoughts @empressgraytea @nox-sprite @alondralolll @allspicestones @chiyozai @i_heart_mgg @2hiigh2cry @tiyuel @jiuseoks @readinglatenights @placidus @dreamsarebig @pisceslovrr @waywardgoddess66 @tampon_racecar @kbaby-024 @luvdella @feyresqueen @a1dyn @pleasantwitchgarden @kolasbombaf @lovehadlovelost @kissesforspence @moonchildooh @bubbleebubz @theoraekenslover @melagem02 @calypso-read @ari-aurelia @flipsideoflife @spicyspirit @donttrustlove @chicaconfundidaycuriosa @ivet4 @nox-xie @sarakay-gvf @miss-ev @nvrlandqueen

[hyukaslvr]

strong enough | j. jungkook (1)

< series masterlist

paring: Jungkook x (f) reader

genre/tags: idol! Jungkook, idol! reader, idiot exes to lovers, slow burn ; k-drama feels (our beloved summer but not at the same time), angst, drama, fluff, smut

warnings: foul/explicit language, alcohol consumption, unhealthy coping mechanisms, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters, panic attacks, reader is harsh towards Jungkook

w.c: TBD

series summary: you and Jungkook have too many personal problems, during and after your relationship and it keeps getting brought up. you both had tried multiple times to ignore the fact you were both struggling mentally and physically due to your workplace, but you always run back to each other. maybe one day, one day you'll get back to each other, with all your problems handled, maybe not. all you want is for him to shine like he always does, all he wants is you.

a/n at very bottom!

Jungkook didn’t need to prove to you that he was able to live by himself on his own without you, he wanted to. so for the past 7 months, he’s been taking care of himself in every way he felt he needed you to help him with.

he didn’t do it just for you though, he did it for his life. he was dependent on you, for all of his feelings and to make sure he did the tasks he needed to do. he made sure to watch himself and watch how he acts, he made sure to try his best to take care of himself, sometimes he wanted to text you that it was easy, a piece of cake he would even say.

but since you were here anymore, for the last 6 months, he’d been on his own and doing things on his own. better than he expected too, he expected himself the next week after you tore him apart that he’d be right back at your doorsteps, begging you take him back.

but he didn’t, he stayed strong, and truly believed if you loved him, you would come back. eventually. but he couldn’t wait for you any longer. he couldn’t just sit around and be unmotivated hoping you would come back soon. so he stood his ground, worked out every morning and night, the endless punches against his punching bag echoed in his empty house, the house you used to fill the empty void for.

for now, he blocked you on everything, avoids the events your group is invited to, and makes sure he doesn’t do afterparties; that’s how he met you, mama 2018, an after party somewhere at someone’s house, not that he cared at the moment, he just wanted to get wasted. he met you, standing there, looking around and watching your members have the time of their lives when all you wanted to do was drink off your mood. jungkook saw right through you, feeling the same way he did as of currently, watching his older members laugh and make conversations with other idols.

now that he thinks about it, you both needed help, or didn’t need each other at the moment. he wanted it to work, knowing the consequences of two mentally unstable people in a relationship, he wanted to change you for the better. he didn’t want to change you completely, but the way you felt about life; how you would tell him that you didn’t see a future for yourself, that you just wanted to live but not actually live, but to disappear and not die. so he nods, agreeing in his head that everything happened between you two was for the better, staring wide at his shiny black shoes on the platform below them. he needs to stop thinking about things before he gets on stage, to perform in front of every idol possible to win an award tonight.

he sighs though, his thoughts were taking over his mind again about all the could ofs and would ofs, but he took deep breaths and turned to his older to make sure everything was fine, to get some sort of comfort through the others eyes.

hoseok, one of the older members of his group and the one he came to when you broke up with him, nods with a tight smile on his face, giving Jungkook that type of relief he needed; hoseok was there when you weren’t, he took care of him like the good person he is. Jungkook doesn’t blame you though, he would get away from him too. he doesn’t hate you either, he never will.

screams could be heard behind the sounds in his ears, the constant clicking to make sure he’s on beat. he needed to perform well he thought to himself. his habit of tapping his fingers against each other showing once again, a habit he told himself he would get rid of. again, looking at his hoseok, smiling at his older who looks born to be on the stage before letting the platform below his feet rise up to level with the stage.

the arena screams, the lights become dark as beams of blinding light shown down on the members, and it takes a minute for your eyes to register to realize its bangtan. your eyes searched, you didn’t want them to search but they did on their own. they landed right on him, Jungkook, the love of your life you would like to say.

sometimes you reach your phone to text him, to tell him this stupid idea you had for a song, or a photo of something that reminded you of him. you have to remind yourself everyday that you can’t check your messages, his good mornings won’t be there any longer. you have to keep remembering that you can’t just call him after practices to come pick you up because you hate the idea of being alone with your manager in the car. but then you realize, you ruined things.

you had this “perfect relationship”, you had everything you wanted, the person you wanted for so long before becoming an idol. but, you soon realized it was wrong, and you were both not well. especially you, not just him. the way you acting towards each other during the rough times when you should of been helping each other shows, you see other couples when they are sad and how they help each other, yet you couldn’t with him. you’ve never been super into comforting people, so seeing him the way he was, made you mad. it was an indescribable feeling that you can’t even explain, it felt like a competition against who feels the worst about their lives and who had it the hardest. so when one of you talked about your feelings, it would start an argument, one that led to sleeping in different rooms and one that led to not waking up to Jungkook’s cooking.

you hate thinking about it, but when you think of him, you don’t think of the good times. you think of how you made him cry, forgetting to tell him that you were the one who was hurting the worst, not that he was a mess or how you felt like you couldn’t take care of him . it just came out, heat of the moment you like to say, but you know you’re in the wrong, you know that you should of helped him when he physically couldn’t breathe without you comforting him in some sort of way.

“it’s like you can’t live without me,” you say, your feet killing you from a day event with your group, sitting down on the couch next to him while you rub the pain out of your feet, not realizing your words towards him.

“what does that mean?” he was already in tears, his voice shaking as his throat closing from crying and gasping, “i- i called you because i need help, ______, i don’t know-”

“Jungkook, you never let me in,” you sigh, staring back at the silent man, and that’s when you froze. you forgot your words, your mind going blank, the reason you were even there, “i mean, i want you to talk to me- i don’t even know what’s going on, how can i even help?” you kept spitting out worse comments, his poor heart couldn’t handle it, and you couldn’t handle it.

“i can’t explain it- i can’t breathe, i- i don’t know what’s going on-” you cut him off in a blink, pulling his head into your chest and tugging your fingers in his hair hoping for the best, just for his arms to wrap around you as his breathing becomes quicker, the sobs getting louder.

he didn’t know who else to call, knowing you both can’t be seen in public together, but he didn’t know how else to calm down.

“i’m here, Jungkook, i always will be, but i think we need to stop,”

he looks taller, slimmer, maybe more muscular? you think as you bite your lips hoping for it to bleed a little before you stop. you never liked watching him from a distance, it reminded you a bit of your childhood crushes which you hated the thought of those. you watched him sync with the other members smoothly and perfectly, his voice perfect as ever and hitting the notes perfectly to your ears. you smile, forgetting the memory you got, and watching him proudly.

he’s living without you, hopefully dealing with things with out you. you should be happy, right? you rub your sweaty palms on your blanket, the room felt like it was closing in on you, feeling as if him and you were the only people in the whole arena. you miss him, the way things used to be, the way you used to be, but things are different now. without even realizing the performance was over, you clap along with the others as the noise of palms smacking rings in your ears. you definitely miss him.

you should not be smiling right now, Jungkook thinks, now standing a little bit behind your group as you win the award you were nominated for. but you should, he should be happy that you guys got another win, with the song that gave you a headache everytime he mentioned how well it was going to be for your group. but you shouldn’t in his heart, not when he’s standing feet away from you, when you’re standing feet away from the one person you should be with and not distancing from.

Jungkook wonders, does your heart pound around him like his does? how it feels like it running around in circles like it’s winning a marathon, pounding practically out of his chest every time he breathes in, it hurts when he looks at you.

he wishes to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling when your leader lets you hold the award as she performs her speech for the crowd. he wants to know how the award feels in your hands as you grip it tightly, maybe you feel his presence after all when his eyes dart to your hands shaking.

he told himself no more after parties, no more of you and events with you possibly being there. but you looked so pretty, he couldn’t help it. the way your makeup looked like it was your skin, the glitter in the corner of your eyes making them pop out more. he could just leave with yoongi whenever, knowing he wouldn’t want to be there for long anyways, he would rather be alone after such a long event.

did he miss you too? you thought, rubbing your thumb against the plastic cup in your tight grib, sipping on the drink as your members talk to another and other idols. you glance at him every now and then, not that you cared he was there. definitely not the reason why you were here, not hoping he would be here also.

you sigh in thought, he doesn’t even look like he wants to be here, and you know he doesn’t by the way his eyebrows furrow at a obvious drunk idol passing by and saying hello to him. you sighed again, loudly supposably as yerin glares at you.

“just go talk to him already,”

“talk? talk to who? i don’t know who you’re talking about,” you play it off as you were confused, you couldn’t let her know. it made her glare more deadly and more hard to ignore, you wanted to rip your hair our right about then.

“Jungkook, he’s been looking at you all night too, you know?”

“he has?” you quickly question, realizing she tricked you into saying who it is, kinda. “i mean, what are you talking about-”

“i know, ______, just go. i know how badly you want to make it up with him.” she knows, you glup hard as she tilts her head aggressively towards his figure. it’s not that you didn’t want to make it up to him, it that’s you felt like you couldn’t. you were so trapped in your own mind to find the motivation to help his needs and necessities in your relationship.

Jungkook tried to not look at you a lot, making sure the cup in his hand and the loud laughter around him was distracting him enough to take his eyes away from you. when he felt like something was off, he glanced at you, but when he did, you were gone.

knowing Jungkook, you purposely left and went outside, sitting and watching the stars glisten in your naked eye, the music booming loudly behind you. you knew he would come finding you soon, knowing something was wrong if you were gone away from your group for awhile. Jungkook knows you from the back of his palm, you were together for almost 5 years.

when Jungkook did, he finds you sitting right on the cold to touch balcony, your head already turnt to look at him. you find it crazy, how good he looks just standing there out of breath searching for you, in the flickering porch light. he was just standing there with his eyes widened of you waiting for him, yet he was always still pretty no matter the emotions displayed on his face.

his eyes follow yours, searching them to find the reason to your disappearance, all while you start to stand up and turn your whole body towards him before speaking. you weren’t planning anything, what you were going to say to him and how you were going to even look him in the eyes. you just had to stay strong, looking deeply into his as you spoke what was replaying on your mind.

“do you miss me like i miss you?”

“you have no idea, _____,”

the wind blowing harshly against your already prickled skin didn’t bother you, the cold night tingling goosebumps on your arms even with Jungkook’s jacket over your shoulders, giving you the slightest bit of warmth. you had no clue how you ended up here, the car ride being a daze and being in the closest you’ve been to Jungkook in months had you biting your tongue to see if things were actually happening.

‘do you want to talk?’

‘i always want to talk to you, Jungkook,’

‘let’s get you out of here then, yeah?’

the park was silently decided between the two of you, sitting on an empty bench as you watched the clouds blissfully cover the moon every other second. the silence that took over the two of you sat comfortably, but so uncomfortable at the same time that it was starting to hurt your airways. there’s so much to be said but you both haven’t spoken up since you’ve gotten there.

you sigh, it was hard to do, to see him again and all was amazing, you always missed him and hearing his voice, hearing the way he said your name. you were so in love with him that you couldn’t pull yourself away. you felt trapped, in a good way, but not in the way you needed at the moment. you just wanted him, but you felt like everything in your life now was dependent on him. you needed him, he knew you, he knew how to help you.

it sucked that you felt like you only ever needed him in your life, only trying for him, only doing good performing for him, only ever speaking to him, only surrounding yourself with him, he was everywhere. any time you needed Jungkook, he was always there, in some shape or form. speaking or not, he wanted to help you and be there for you, not realizing it wasn’t helping your unhappiness and depression but making you feel worse about how he had to take care of you like a baby. you were trying so hard to get better only to realize that you weren’t doing it for yourself, you were doing it for Jungkook. Jungkook and Jungkook only.

“i really think we should talk, Jungkook-”

“you know, i really miss hearing you talk. i don’t know how you’re doing but i would personally like to know,” it shocked you, he never usually wanted to talk about personal things or pressured you to talk about how you’re doing on top of everything he already knew. Jungkook knew that there was a reason he didn’t know much because that’s just how you are. he loves you, and looking at you right now feels so right in his heart. he knew for awhile that you were the one for him, he wasn’t going to lose you that easily.

“Jungkook, we can’t be doin-”

“i get it,” he waves you off, obviously on the verge of tears because you couldn’t handle speaking to him at all. you’ve done this many times, tried to remove him from your life completely. but you always manage to come back, saying things along the lines of ‘we can’t be doing this,’ or ‘we shouldn’t do this, Jungkook,’. he will always scared that you’ll actually never come back so he takes these talks very seriously.

“no, Jungkook, you don’t,” you sigh once again, youre never able to put what you want to say into words, they come out wrong or rude or not true. there was so much you wanted to say. how could you say it in the easiest but nicest way possible without sobbing? you don’t dare to look at him just yet because you know you’ll fold immediately and run back to him. but you stood your ground, turned your head towards him and made complete contact while you spoke, “we can’t keep doing this, talking when we miss each other. i’ll never get better- you’ll never get better if we keep this loop going on. i love you, Jungkook,” you reached for his face, wiping the tears that started pouring as soon as you looked at him, “you’re forever my number one, i’ll do anything for you even it’s letting you go so you can focus on yourself and your career, you know i’m not any better than you,”

at this point he knew he looked pathetic, sobbing in to your palms are you talked about how much you both needed this when all he felt like was that leaving you is the worst thing to ever happen to him, he felt like he was suffocating with the truth. you loved him, he should be happy, but why are you leaving? you’re leaving him once again just for him to go through the same process all over again. he would drink, party every weekend, over sleep, have bad practices and messing up everything with his dancing. you tear him apart, every damn time.

he was more mad than upset, what did you leaving have anything with him if you loved him? you don’t love him, he thought, his eyes now furrowing at you and slowly tearing his face away from your hands rubbing his face.

“Kook, i’m sorry it has to be this-” but all he can do is just snort, raising to walk away, drive away before he starts to kiss you to make you shut up about getting better. you are never fair, you knew that by the look in your eyes as if your heart just got shattered when all you keep doing is tear his heart apart. he wanted to roll his eyes, you didn’t care about his feelings until he started crying and begging for you to even talk to him.

“come back to me when you’re ready, this could easily be talked about and fixed but you never let me in, claiming i never let you in but here i am, bawling my eyes out to you because you can’t stop leaving me,” he started walking back towards you, his feet wide causing his things to spread your legs apart.

you gasped as he leaned low, leveling his face in front of yours, you felt like you couldn’t breathe when he goes to speak, “you can’t just keep coming back to me when you feel like it, either fix your shit or decide if you want to stay with my messy self. we both know you’re just as fucking messy.”

ouch.

A/N: ouch is definitely the word for this chapter! reminder that this will have a happy ending i promise ( :c ) and this will definitely be a very slow slow burn. i had so much fun writing this and im so thankful for all the support you guys have been giving me, i really do think this series will do well and i really hope it will! reblogs are always more helpful than notes!

(COMMENT TO BE ON TAGLIST FOR NEXT CHAPTER OR WHOLE SERIES)

tags: @loumin908 @heartjiminie @yunholuv @cuntessaiii @parkinglot-nights @minsoa97kor

[cosmic-whispers]

Control - Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel attacks you after being mind controlled by an enemy with daemati powers and struggles to grapple with the guilt that follows. 

Warnings: angst, violence, reader being strangled and attacked, mind control 

Words: 6.0k

A/N: Hi everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve posted here, life has been crazy lately and writer’s block doesn’t help. I missed writing and was finally able to get this out. Hope you all enjoy!

Your breath came out in heavy pants and your legs burned as you ran through the thick foliage of the jungle. Eldric, the daemati high fae you and Azriel had been tracking for the last week, turned a sharp corner and you pushed your legs harder, ignoring the burning ache in your thighs. You groaned in frustration after his image disappeared around the corner. He had evaded you again. 

You slowed to a stop, knowing the pursuit was pointless. Your shoulders slumped and you ran a hand down your face. The sound of flapping wings filled your ears as Azriel broke through the branches hanging overhead and descended near you. A soft hand landed on your shoulder, the thumb rubbing soft, comforting circles in the fabric of your leathers. 

“Should we look for him again?” you asked, looking up at him. 

He shook his head, disappointment and frustration shining in his hazel eyes. 

“We’ll find him again,” Azriel said. 

“He’s good,” you said. And he was. He was cunning, fast, and endowed with the same, rare power as your High Lord. He could be standing right in front of you and you would be none the wiser if he was able to break through your mental shields. He was nearly unstoppable. After a failed assassination attempt on Rhysand—where the male had gotten entirely too close—Azriel and you had decided to hunt him down and eliminate the threat. 

“We’re better.” You looked at him. Despite his obvious annoyance, he was confident in his words. You smiled softly at him, admiring his unwavering determination. 

“Getting cocky?” He smiled at you, his features lightening up, and he winked at you. You laughed, nervous as your cheeks heated up and your heartbeat increased. You looked away, hoping he did not notice just how flustered he made you. 

“I enjoy the challenge. Things were getting too easy.”

You laughed and rolled your eyes at him. 

“I have a shadow tracking him. This is his home, we have him cornered. We’ll get him soon.”

Despite his comforting words, the brief thought that you were on Eldric’s playing field crossed your mind. That perhaps he was toying with the both of you. You didn’t dare speak that into existence. You nodded at Azriel and you turned, retreating together through the thick underbrush until Azriel was able to fly the both of you out. 

The small inn you were staying at was stationed near the jungle's edge. The flight there was short and you relished being in Azriel’s strong arms as long as possible. 

The room was small, the single bed pushed against a wall and a tiny restroom where Azriel’s wings barely fit in off to the side. 

“You can freshen up first,” he offered and you smiled, grateful to get the sweat and grime off your skin. 

You walk into the dingy, cramped room, grimacing at the tiny tub you had been forced to squeeze into for the past week. You closed the door behind you and your face heated at the lack of a lock. The only thing separating your body from his was one thin piece of wood without a lock. You prayed to the Mother that he could not scent the sudden arousal that flooded you in unrelenting waves, surprised at your own self-control for the past week. 

You forced yourself through the aimless bathing, preparing yourself for bed, and trying to distract yourself from the indulgent thoughts of him. You blushed as you slipped the silk nightgown Mor had packed for you over your head, wondering if Azriel had taken notice of the contour of your figure through the thin fabric. 

You stepped out of the restroom, eyes immediately finding Azriel’s. His gaze trailed down over your body and you felt every cell in your body ignite. He was silent for a few seconds, causing butterflies to erupt within you. 

His eyes met yours once more, intense and unreadable, and heat crept up your neck and face. 

“The restroom is free,” you said, needing to break the heavy silence. Your voice was quiet and you hoped he could not hear the quiver when you spoke. 

He nodded, gaze still unwavering from you. You stared back until he cleared his throat and made his way into the restroom. You let out a heaving breath, hoping to shake the tense nerves. You distracted your thoughts away from him as much as you could, getting ready and climbing into the bed. The bath water ran muffled through the door and your thoughts wandered. He was naked, with just a wooden door with no lock in between the two of you. You felt your body heating and hoped that sleep would overtake you soon. 

The water shut off after some time and he exited the bathroom. He was shirtless, tan skin glistening from the steam of the bath and the hot climate. Your breath caught at the sight of his defined, rippling muscles and the swirls of tattoos adorning his skin. No matter how many times your eyes were blessed by the sight, you found yourself struck dumb every time.  

“Are you alright?” he asked, looking at you with his brow furrowed. “You seem flushed.”

Your heart skipped a beat and you hoped he could not notice the bashfulness that filled you.

“Yes, I’m fine. Just tired and it’s warmer here than I’m used to. I’ve been away from home for too long”

You quickly faced away from him, laying on your side and moving as close to the edge of the bed as possible. You focused your thoughts on your breathing rather than the male, trying to calm yourself. There was shuffling behind you and you felt the bed dip as he laid down next to you. Your heart was racing and it nearly beat out of your chest as he shuffled closer to you, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you closer, pinning you against him. Your skin felt electric, set alight by the feel of his rough hands and the weight of his arms around you. 

“Good night, sweetheart,” he murmured, his gravelly voice close to your ear sending rippling shivers down your spine. He had to be doing it on purpose. He was the most observant person you knew. How could he not realize the effect he had on you?

You gulped and gently cleared your throat. “Good night, Az.”

Neither of you had ever spoken about it. You were the one that was able to pull him from the dark crevices of his mind. And he was the one who was able to comfort you when no one else could. He was your safe place when your walls crumbled around you. You trusted him more than anyone. The lingering tension was always heavy, but your friendship was sacred and you had formed an impenetrable bond you were unwilling to break. 

His arm tightened around your middle, pulling you tighter against his warm body. His shadows swirled around your hands, softly tickling your skin and you sighed, content and finally relaxed as his soft breaths lulled you to sleep. 

————-

The bright moon shined through the window, illuminating the dark room in a soft, silver light. His thoughts raced through his mind—barely forming before another took its place. Between the feel of you in his arms in that damn nightgown and the elusive daemati, he knew it would be another sleepless night. 

Despite the comfort of you safe in his arms, Azriel couldn’t sleep. The taunting, smug smile of the daemati male haunted his mind and he simmered in anger. It shouldn’t be so hard to catch him. It shouldn’t have taken him this long. The male should never have gotten that close to Rhysand in the first place. He should have never let it happen. 

He needed to prove himself—to redeem himself. After centuries of honing his skills, Azriel had an appreciation for his powers. He was confident in his ability to serve his court. He was a capable spy, his shadows giving him an edge over most adversaries. But the whispers in his mind would never be fully silent—he would always be that scared little boy, desperate to prove that he was good enough to deserve everything he had. 

And after a week of tracking Eldric, he was still nowhere closer to catching him. It felt like he was chasing smoke. It felt like he was failing. 

You sighed softly in your sleep, turning in his arms to face him and you snuggled your face into his chest. His eyes turned to you and softened at your peaceful expression. Your presence always calmed him, centered him. 

His heart beat wildly in his chest and soared at having you like this. He smiled softly, memorizing the feel of you and your soft breathing in his ears. The past week had been bliss—sleeping with you in his arms and having you so close to him. 

Your sweet scent drifted toward him and he reveled in the essence of you—his best friend. He trusted you like no one else; he was able to confide in you with secrets that not even his brothers knew. He found himself falling for you more each day. He knew that friends don’t look at each other like you did. Deep down, he had strong suspicions about who you were to him, but he never dared to think about it too much—too afraid to be wrong and disappointed. It was wishful thinking to believe that you were fated to him. 

He sighed, knowing he was too strung up to fall asleep. He gently moved you to your side of the bed, making sure you were comfortably tucked in. His scarred hand tenderly caressed the side of your face, your soft skin feeling delightful against his. He admired your features for a moment, wondering how someone could be so beautiful. He shook the thoughts away, making sure you were safe and snuggled before he stood, slipped into his leathers, and left the room. 

The darkened halls of the inn were eerily quiet, the patrons and staff asleep. His siphons cast a light blue light, guiding his way outside. He was too restless and needed to leave, to do something useful instead of lying down and being consumed by his thoughts. He could get some work done. 

He made his way through the dense undergrowth, footsteps silent and shadows shrowding him in darkness. They easily guided him closer to where he knew Eldric tended to camp, to where his gray shadow had followed him. He secured his mind shields, building them up, ensuring that the male would not sense him. The moon had shifted in the sky and Azriel estimated he had been walking for nearly an hour when he found the secluded campsite. It was almost impossible to see, his belongings nestled at the entrance of a tunnel in the ground, covered by leaves and branches. He hid in the darkness the massive trees provided, his shadows helping shield any part of him that light would reveal. 

It was dark, but Azriel could make out light smoke from a small campfire, and the scent of cooked meat permeated the air. He had been there recently. He watched the entrance to the tunnel intently, hoping to catch a glimpse of movement. Was there another entrance he could use to ambush Eldric? He sent a shadow to investigate and continued his surveillance. He stood silently and immobile for over an hour without even a hint of the damn daemati anywhere near. 

The shrouding silence of the night was interrupted by a shrill scream coming from somewhere behind him. His heart leaped into his throat, beating wildly as panic crept up in his chest. He knew that voice. 

It was you. 

His mind emptied of all thoughts as he took off in the direction he heard you from. Why were you here? He had left you peacefully sleeping in bed. He was panting hard, heart nearly beating out of his chest as pure fear spread through him. His body was sweating and he found it increasingly hard to take a deep breath in as if he was being suffocated. 

His legs wouldn’t carry him fast enough and his wings kept getting in his way. He screamed in frustration as he twisted in between a thick gathering of trees. Was he even heading in the right direction? His shadows had been dispersed to search for you, but it was taking too long for them to return to him. 

“(Y/N)!” he called out. He knew it was risky and that his position would be revealed if Eldric was anywhere near him. But he was desperate to find you. 

“Azriel!”

He bolted to his left, your voice guiding him to you. He reached a small meadow, the lush ground free of trees and sprinkled with vibrant flowers and rock formations. His eyes immediately found you, tied to a tree at the other end of the clearing. Your shoulders shook as tears ran down your face as you looked at him and smiled in relief. 

“You found me,” you said softly, teary-eyed and vulnerable. 

“Always,” he whispered and rushed to you. His shadows appeared, swarming around him, whispering frantically. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, voices becoming deafening and he ordered them away as he reached you. He kneeled and his hand lifted to where thick rope held your wrists together. As his skin was about to brush against yours, you vanished like mist in his hands. He choked on air, distressed, and confusion filled him as you disappeared from right in front of him. 

“It was really too easy.”

Azriel’s blood ran cold and his muscles clenched. He turned, finding himself face-to-face with Eldric. He reeled his shadows close to him, preparing for a fight against the male. Eldric was relaxed, his shoulders slumped slightly and he leaned casually against a tree.

“Where is she?” he demanded.

“Seems like I’ve found your weakness, Shadowsinger.”

Rage was a burning, eviscerating fire within him and he snarled at the daemati, like a wild animal. The male laughed, smug and taunting. 

“Where is she?” 

“I’m not quite sure. I assume asleep at the inn, right where you left her. Or perhaps she’s woken up and decided to follow you into the jungle. Would not be her best idea–but I suppose that’s why you like her so much. You’re both fools.”

“I will kill you if you hurt her. And I’ll make sure it’s slow.” His fists clenched at his side, his nails leaving deep imprints on the palm of his hand. He fought to stay in control and focused.

“Me? Hurt her?” Eldric laughed, acting offended at the accusation. “I think the one you should be worrying about is yourself.”

In a split second, Azriel had the terrorizing realization of what was about to happen. What he might be forced to do. And no training with Rhysand could prepare him against someone who had honed his abilities for centuries and was willing to destroy his mind. 

He tried to resist with every ounce of strength in him, but the talons shredded the shields protecting his mind like a knife through butter. A sharp pain exploded in the forefront of his mind and he screamed in agony as it spread across his entire skull. He was barely aware of falling to his knees and his hands clutched his head, pulling tight against the black strands. His mind was being invaded, the parasitic presence tainting his memories and thoughts and he sobbed. His last thought before the darkness set in was of you. 

—-------------

One Hour Earlier

You paced the length of the dark room for the hundredth time, it seemed. You were surprised the ground beneath your feet did not catch on fire. You had awoken almost an hour ago, a brief moment of panic and disappointment filling you as you found the space beside you empty. You cursed the innkeeper for not having a bigger room with another bed. Despite relishing in the feeling of being in Azriel’s arms, you had grown accustomed to his presence and comfort and now were having a difficult time sleeping without him. 

You realized pretty quickly that the Shadowsinger had probably gone looking for the daemati alone. He had tried numerous times throughout your stay to go out on his own, claiming he was protecting you or not wasting time. Stubborn Illyrian baby. He was going to get himself killed. 

You wished you had daemati powers at that moment. You needed to speak with Azriel, see him, and make sure that he was alright before lecturing him about being reckless. He meant well, you knew that. Yet, the frustration settled low in your chest and you wanted to rip your hair out in distress as your mind dwelled on all the negative possibilities. 

You knew him better than anyone. You knew he felt defeated and wanted to catch the damn fae. You knew he felt like he needed to redeem himself, like somehow everything that had happened was his fault for failing to protect Rhysand. He failed to realize that he did protect Rhysand. He stopped Eldric before he could get to the High Lord and has been chasing his tail ever since, getting closer and closer to catching him. Your exasperation with the Illyrian grew like a tightening noose, its relentless grip clutching at you. How could he not see how wonderful he was? Why did he feel like he needed to throw himself into these situations without any backup and risk his own life? 

You decided to go looking for him, dressing quickly and grabbing a lantern to light your way. You had to make sure that he was safe.

You hardly knew where to begin searching and figured retracing your steps from earlier in the day was a good place to start. You walked through the dense trees, hoping that a predator was not stalking you in the dark of the wilderness. The soft light from the lantern illuminated the space in front of you and you kept your eyes peeled for anything dangerous you might run into.

You traveled for over an hour, each step spiking your anxious heart and you prayed to find him soon. You find yourself in a clearing, dappled with the flickers of moonlight. Small wildflowers littered the ground, their bright summer colors illuminated by the shining moon above you. You took a moment to admire the scenery before your eyes caught on the soft blue shimmering light emanating from Azriel’s siphons. He faced away from you, but you knew that he was aware of your presence. His spine was straight, body tense and unnaturally still. 

“Azriel?” Your voice echoed lightly in the silence of the night, the answering chirps from the bugs and grasshoppers deafening. 

He turned to you, steps slow and deliberate. 

He glowered at you, a predator locking in on its prey, and you stalled. Fear lit up inside of you for a moment and you took a step back, away from him. You had grown accustomed to his gaze being filled with warmth and softness and the sight of his icy glare sent tremors down your back. He didn't seem to recognize you, his large frame completely still and not a wisp of his shadows anywhere near him. 

His gaze remained unwavering, pinning you to the spot for a few more moments until he snarled at you. 

“You,” he growled, like a feral animal, his voice dark and coarse. Your eyes widened as he began sprinting full speed towards you, thundering footfalls on the ground bringing you back to reality and you gasped as he reached you. You thought back to all the Valkyrie training and the practice sparring you and Azriel would often engage in, hoping against hope that it was enough to keep you alive. 

You swerved to the left as he reached you, using your smaller size to avoid the direct impact from Azriel’s body. While Azriel’s brute strength would easily overpower you, you were agile. He regained his footing, swinging at you and you barely managed to block his arm. Shooting pain radiated down your wrist, and you realized that he had never truly used his full strength against you in training. You would not be able to take him. You knew you couldn’t keep up the cat-and-mouse game for much longer. His Illyrian instincts were intact and he was quick on his feet as he charged at you again, and you were able to avert him once more. 

He was much closer to you now, and you took a tentative step away from him. From that distance, you could see his features twisted in rage and the dazed, cloudy look in his hazel eyes. The realization rushed over you like ice water. Eldric. He had broken into his mind. Pure ice filled your veins—his mind was being controlled to hurt you. Your heart clenched and you prayed to the Mother and any gods in the universe that his mind was not lost. That there was still hope of getting him back. 

His shadows suddenly appeared, and fear filled you for a brief moment until you noticed they swarmed around his face, momentarily blinding him. He wasn’t using them to attack you–they were attacking him. They were helping you. 

You took advantage of his momentary distraction, using the lantern you still had in your hand, and swung, the impact of the metal on his skull echoing in your ears and you smelled the hint of metallic blood. He was still standing upright, trying to fight off the blinding shadows. One wrapped around your wrist, trying to pull you away, but you stood your ground. You could not leave him like that. 

You swung the lantern again, hoping to knock him out with the impact, but his large, scarred hand flew out and wrapped around your wrist, the tight grip making you whimper in pain as he squeezed harder. You tried to shake him off, aiming a kick toward his groin, but he growled and blindly tackled you to the ground before you were able to get another hit in. 

You heard–rather than felt–your head smashing against the hard rock underneath you. Your ears began ringing, the deafening sound and painful pressure building in the back of your head making you delirious and your vision began to blur. You were going to pass out and that realization made you panic. 

You knew he was significantly stronger than you, his Illyrian genetics making him near indestructible. You had no hope. You yelled for Rhysand in your head, praying to the Mother that he could hear you from Velaris. Azriel’s large hands wrapped around your neck, squeezing. You looked up at his face–gorgeous, despite the frigid fury that lingered in his features. His empty eyes looked into yours, unseeing and frightening. 

The air was trapped inside you, your lungs burning as they begged for air. A stabbing pain spread across your neck as he squeezed harder and tears escaped your eyes. You wanted to beg him to come back to you. You felt your face heat up as the pressure began building further and further in your head. The pulsing pressure intensified and your vision narrowed, a rushing sound filling your ears like a crescendo as darkness greeted you. 

———————

Flickers of light danced across your vision. You felt yourself slowly awaken. There were soft, silk sheets beneath you, the air smelled like the cinnamon buns Elain was so fond of baking, and a soft voice drifted near you, reciting lines from a book you had recently read. You forced yourself to blink your eyes open, the light of the window causing them to ache. You groaned and shut your eyes tight in discomfort. 

“(Y/N)!” You squinted your eyes open, thankful for the curtains that had just been drawn. You looked up at Feyre as she approached you and grasped your hand. 

“We were so worried!”

“What happened? Where’s Azriel? What about Eldric? How long have I been out?” Your voice was raspy, and it felt like needles scraping against your throat when you spoke. You coughed, the burning intensifying, and a sharp headache began forming. Feyre’s hand supported your back as she helped you sit up on the bed and passed you a drink of water and a vial of medication you assumed Madja had left for you.

The cool liquid felt heavenly against your throat and you sighed in relief as the medication began coursing through you, helping clear your mind of the pain-infused fog. 

“Please drink it all,” Feyre said. “You’ve been out for two days.” She took the empty glass from your hand and placed it on the nightstand next to you. 

“Do you remember what happened?” she asked you carefully. She looked at you, eyes soft and brows creased. 

You nodded, Her hand tightened around yours and you swallowed the knot that rose in your throat. “Azriel?” you rasped out, your voice weak and thin. 

Tears filled Feyres eyes as she looked at you and your heart raced in your chest as dread filled you. 

“Rhys was able to get there in time. Eldric managed to break down Azriel’s mind shields and essentially took control of his mind. His goal was to infiltrate Velaris and go for Rhysand using Azriel. Rhys was able to break the control away from his mind and killed Eldric.”

You stared at her, eyes wide and the blood in your veins had gone cold. You knew damn well the damage that daemati powers could cause. His mind could be obliterated. You quickly shook the thought away, desperate for any indication that was not the case. 

“Is he alright?”

“He’s…as fine as he can be. He hasn’t left his room since we returned.” Your heart broke for him–for the selfless, kind male you knew who was being consumed by guilt. You rose from the bed, and Feyre startled, gently forcing you back onto the bed. 

“What are you doing? You need to rest,” Feyre said. 

“I’ve rested for days. I need to see him.”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “It might not be safe.”

You looked at her incredulously. How could she ever think that Azriel would hurt you on purpose?

“How can you say that?! You know that if he was in control, he never would have hurt me. He’s not some rabid animal you need to keep away. He’s my best friend and I want to see him. It’s not his fault this happened.” You broke into a coughing fit again and she handed you another glass of water. 

“I know that; I do. I just worry about you. At least heal up first. And then we can go see him.” You didn’t miss the fact that she said we.

You sighed, your body exhausted and in pain, and decided to follow along for now. “Fine.”

Madja soon made her way into the room, happy to see you awake and you went through her examination without complaining once despite the haunting thought of Azriel in your mind. You fell asleep early in the afternoon, your body and mind fatigued.

—------------------

You heaved a sigh of relief as you found yourself alone for the first moment since you had awoken. Feyre had stayed by your side, perhaps thinking that you would try to sneak away to see the Azriel. The rest of the Inner Circle trickled in and out until Rhysand had to gently persuade his wife to join him in bed. 

As dusk settled and darkness started to take over, you gently rose from the bed. The rest you got during the day did you good, you felt stronger. You opened the door slowly, sneaking your head out to make sure that no one was keeping watch of your room. You quickly walked the length of the hallway, making your way to Azriel’s room.

You stared at the wooden door, feeling anxious and scared of the state in which you would find your friend. You took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door. Silence greeted you and you tried again. 

You slowly opened the door and looked inside after there was no answer. The room was pitch black, with no slivers of light making their way through the heavy, dark shadows that surrounded the space. Only a soft blue light emanated from the corner of the room–his siphons. You made your way to him, making your footsteps loud and deliberate, although he probably already knew you were there. He sat on the floor, his back resting against the wall. His shoulders were slumped and wings were pulled taut against his body. He had never looked so defeated. 

“Azriel.” You managed nothing more than a small whisper.

He turned his back to you and tears began to blur your vision. He didn’t want to face you. “Why are you here?”

His shoulders slumped and they shook as he took a quivering breath in. His shadows swarmed around him, trying to shield him from you. Or perhaps it was the other way around. 

“You shouldn’t be here. If you had any self-preservation, you would leave.”

You shook your head, taking a step closer to him. Your hands longed to reach out to him and comfort him, but you didn’t dare touch him, fearing that he would close himself off more. “I needed to see you. To make sure you’re alright.”

He let out a cynical laugh and you frowned. “I almost killed you, and you want to make sure I’m alright. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You knew he was upset and angry at himself over what happened. You did not doubt in your mind he was trying to push you away. And you’ll be damned if you ever let him do that. 

“Azriel, I know that wasn’t you. I’m so sorry for what he did to you.”

He shook his head, still refusing to meet your gaze. 

“I don’t want to see you, (Y/N).” The tears escaped your eyes, your heart breaking a million times over. 

“Well, too bad. Because I want to see you,” you insisted. 

His spine straightened and he turned to you, eyes full of rage and pain, and glistening with unshed tears. There were bags under his eyes, pronounced and dark. He had not been sleeping. “How can you stand to look at me?” he growled at you. “What I did to you–it’s unforgivable. I’m not good for you. I hurt you. Just leave.”

His eyes traveled down your face and stopped at your neck. You heard the breath catch in his throat, and his eyes widened, face growing ashen and he took a step back from you. Shit. You should have checked for bruises and tried to cover them up. Being so preoccupied with thoughts of the Illyrian before you, the thought had not occurred to you. 

“Oh, gods,” he whispered, his hands coming up to cover his face in shame. “You shouldn’t be here.”

He stepped away from you, silver lining his eyes. You took a tentative step towards him. 

“Az, you’re not going to drive me away. You’re my best friend, I’m never going to abandon you. I want to be here for you.”

His eyes blazed as he glared at you and you could almost feel him vibrating in unbridled rage. 

“I almost killed you! How can you not understand that?! I almost—“

You cut him off before he had the chance to continue. “You didn’t, though. I’m still here. I know that you weren’t in control. It’s not your fault, Azriel. I could never blame you for what happened.” 

He shook his head, dejected. “Why are you here?” His voice was quiet and small, and you had never heard him speak like that. 

“You already know,” you said slowly, your voice steady despite the tears flowing down your face. He stared at you, silent and stoic. He was waiting for you to take it back. To turn away and leave him. He knew why you were there despite what he had done. It was the same reason he had promised to always protect you. It was the same reason why you were always so comfortable with each other and why it was always so easy for him to let his walls down when he was around you. 

“No,” he whispered, eyes unwavering from yours. “I’m not good for you. And I certainly don’t deserve you. You shouldn’t want that.”

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat and slowly walked towards him, closing the distance between the two of you. He didn’t step away, but his eyes followed you, flickering down to the floor in shame when you got too close. Your hand raised, hovering over his face and you paused, giving him the time to pull away if he wanted to. He stayed still and you pressed your palm softly against his cheek and he sighed, closing his eyes. 

“You’re not a monster, Az. I know that. You’re a good male—the best kind there is.”

He shook his head and a tear escaped, trailing down his tan cheek and you gently brushed it away. 

“The things I’ve done…” He trailed off, unwilling to put his sins into words. 

“You’ve done difficult things for your court, but I know that you don’t take any pleasure in it. You do it because it’s what’s best for everyone. To protect the people you love. What happened was not your fault. Someone took control of you—please don’t blame yourself for that.”

Azriel nodded, his eyes slowly moving up and meeting yours. His gaze flickered back to the dark, hand-shaped bruises around your neck. Your fast healing was already starting to fade them. He raised his hand to touch you, but he pulled back quickly. Your other hand grabbed his, intertwining your fingers and you squeezed his hand in comfort. You brought his hand up to your face, pressing a soft kiss against the scarred skin of his knuckles. 

He let out a sob, grabbing you and pulling you tight against him, his arms wrapping around your smaller frame and enveloping you in the scent of mist and cedar. He dug his face into the crook of your neck and his arms tightened around your waist. 

“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed, and you hugged him tight, trying to comfort him as he cried. 

“There’s nothing to forgive,” you whispered, caressing the hair at the nape of his neck. 

He shook his head, weeping as he tried to calm his heaving breaths. “Yes, there is. Please.” His voice trembled as he pleaded for your forgiveness and you tightened your arms around him. There was nothing you had to forgive him for, but you knew that he had to hear it. You knew it would help him start to forgive himself.

“I forgive you. I know you would never hurt me.”

“I almost lost you,” he whispered, so low that you almost didn’t hear him. “You’re everything to me. I will never let anything like that happen again, I promise.”

There was something so astoundingly comforting about being held by Azriel, chests pressed together and arms wound around each other. The fact that he let you hold his hand, the feel of his flushed cheeks against your hand. He thought so little of himself and your heart clenched in sorrow for him. You wished he could see himself how you saw him. He brought you peace and relief. He meant more to you than you were ready to admit out loud. 

“I know. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be with you.” 

It would take so much for him to be able to forgive himself. There was so much you needed to talk about, but you knew the right moment would come along. Azriel needed your comfort and you needed him in that instant. 

[thexsilentxwordsmith]

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!reader

Part 4 to Truth or Dare Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Fandom: Call of Duty

Character(s): Simon Riley, Reader

Summary: Something has changed; no, actually everything has changed as you and Simon forget the world a moment finally let that passion run its course. The thought was that once you both had each other it would make things calm, but now you're not so sure. Maybe he is willing to risk more and maybe you are too. Having to sneak around isn't so bad, right? Maybe it could all work out... At least you hope so.

Word Count: 9.3 k

Warnings:

Part 5: Read here

Isn’t finally having the thing you’ve been craving supposed to calm the need for it? 

That’s what Simon had anticipated would happen once you had both come, but as he lays you back onto the cool floor of the shed, sliding up between your legs so that your lips can reconnect with an immediate breathlessness, the depth of his desire is still so overwhelming that he is choking on it, he has never felt more wrong. Gathering your wrists into one of his hands, he sets them above your head as his brown eyes flutter closed and he embraces your mouth as if it is his to ruin and with enough passion you feel drugged off its intensity.

No, finally having you has awakened a longing in him that he has never known before and nothing can stop it taking over until he feels completely consumed by it. 

The sounds of the stormy weather outside slowly die away and are replaced by the stillness of night as Simon’s wide torso keeps you pinned against the ground as if by the act of physically shielding you from the world he can stop the passage of time and stay immersed in the haze of ecstasy that your union has produced. How is he supposed to break the spell of this feeling when he didn’t know how starved for it he actually was until you brought it to the surface?

Time is forgotten as the pressure of his body molds yours to its curvature and soon another quarter of an hour has passed within a blink. One of you has to be the voice of reason and the longer his face stays locked to yours, the harder it is going to get; it’s inevitable that this has to end for now because he is drowning and if he doesn’t come up for air soon he isn’t going to make it out of here alive. Something has to be done and done fast. 

“We need ta get outside,” he murmurs through a break in your mouth’s connection. 

Why can’t the world just fucking wait a little longer? Goddammit, he is nowhere near done exploring you yet, but there is still a job to be done and duty has to call him back no matter how much he tries to wish it away. 

With a defeated groan he pulls his lips away from yours and suddenly a wave of misery washes over him. “Fuck, this is hard, luv,” Simon breaths into your face, the tip of his nose brushing up against yours as he struggles to keep his mouth away from taking yours again. “Just wanna stay here with ya all night.”

A shiver runs through you as his withdrawal from your lips leaves an emptiness in your chest that the cool night air seems to fill. You yearn for his mouth to come back, for him to say fuck it all and put it all on the line just to stay in here with you, but it’s not possible. 

You don’t fight it as he sits you both upright, keeping his arms around you for as much warmth as possible as he reaches over to first grab your bra and shirt off the ground. He makes certain to clean you up before helping you to slip the clothing back on to block out the weather so that he can release you without the temperature making you chilled. Simon gets to his feet and offers you his hand to help you up and you take it. 

You continue to watch in quiet surprise as he gathers the rest of your clothing, everything that he had removed just a short while ago. Except instead of just handing it off to you he bends down with your pants in hand and opens them up so that you can step into them. It’s a strangely tender ritual that you’ve stumbled into, the way he helps you get dressed as he does the same to himself in tandem: insisting without words by gently pushing your hands away each time you try to stop him so that he can zip your pants and buckle your belt up himself. You stand there silently through the delirious haze of your ecstasy admiring his work as a peculiar tugging aches in your chest. 

Another shiver runs up your spine, but it isn’t from being cold this time. 

Everything he had on before goes back on again, even the mask, though you notice his bone-patterned gloves stay shoved in the pocket on his vest. As he finishes his eyes drift to the door with a heavy heart because he knows that he’s stalled long enough and he is going to have to pull the bandaid off now otherwise he is never going to want to leave and someone needs to be on watch. 

A deep inhale and he opens the door to the refreshing, crisp atmosphere outside of your oasis. Simon emerges into the world as a different man than the one that went inside. He has a new addiction that leaves him feeling drunk with the way his head is still spinning and limbs feel heavy. Never did he think he would be forced to wrestle with the fact that his duty to this taskforce is no longer the most important thing to him, that everything he has known as truth is being turned on its head, and that it would be all because of you. A little infatuation is becoming more complicated and he doesn’t know how to handle it all.

Your eyes flit back towards the house as Simon shuts and secures the shed behind you with your heart sinking into your stomach. Wracking your brain you can’t come up with any more excuses to linger longer and you know it’s time to say goodnight whether you want to or not. 

“I-I guess I better head in,” you say as the lieutenant comes back to stand by your side, the disappointment in your voice hard to disguise. 

There are words on your tongue that you want to say in that moment, to bargain with him to keep you out here a little longer, but they get lost behind your lips and you instead stay silent; there is no sense in fighting the inevitability of your situation. You try to take a step, but before you can even make it a pace Simon’s hand reaches out and his knuckles brush up against yours before he hooks his fingers around your own so you are stuck in his grasp.

The act is done unintentionally, yet he doesn’t stop it. Maybe you could risk just a bit more time together as long as you can stay outside. There’s still a couple hours till Soap is scheduled to relieve him, so whatever excuse he can make to keep you out here with him, he will. 

“Have a smoke with me ‘fore ya go,” he says, more a demand than a request. 

Maybe he’s just as desperate not to have you go yet either; you can only hope that he needs your company just as bad as you need his. “Is that an order, lieutenant?” you clarify, playing off the nervous adrenaline making your voice tremble by teasing. 

As he peers back into your eyes sparkling in the moonlight, lighting up happily at the sentiment in his words, the attraction gripping his heart is too strong and he draws you back into him as he rips up the bottom of his mask to place another brief, but impassioned kiss to your lips. “It is, sergeant,” he answers. “Let me do my perimeter check and I’ll meet ya back at the front. Wait for me, yeah?”  

Those strong arms of his desperately want to stay filled with your body, but he has to let you go so that he can do what he is here to do. Another quick kiss he gives you before he pulls down his mask as he leaves you standing there in a stupor, head reeling with everything that has happened, and you take off back to the patch of ground a few yards from the front of the house where you had been set up before. 

Sitting in the grass under the stars with the cool breeze rippling through the loose strands of your hair, you think yourself alone for the moment as the thoughts race through your mind, but from within the house a pair of eyes secretly watches you from the shadow of the window. Even in the pale moonlight they catch the way your smile glints through the dark followed by the several deep breaths you take to calm yourself and they wonder if this is a result from the lieutenant walking out earlier that rustled them from sleep. 

Maybe it is nothing, something completely harmless, though they can’t help to wonder where you both were when the storm was at its peak. They continue watching until they hear footsteps near the front of the house and decide to creep back to their bed to avoid detection both from inside and out, making a mental note to stay aware of what they have seen tonight. 

You wait patiently in silence as you mull over your feelings until the sound of fast-stepping boots approaching breaks you out of your thoughts and looking up you see Simon has stopped right at your side. He shifts back a step and takes a seat on the ground behind you, parting his legs around your thighs so that you are seated between them. Tugging you to scoot back until you are against his chest he grabs the pack of cigarettes from his vest pocket as an arm snakes around your middle.

Keeping his hands off you isn’t an option anymore, not as the enchanting magnetism of your body that calls for his touch still tingles under his fingertips.

Moving his mask up and out of the way and placing the stick of tobacco in between his lips, he flicks the lighter to make it spark and takes a long pull as the tip glows bright orange. That first kick of nicotine he holds in to let it fully coat his lungs until the calming effect it produces fills his chest and pacifies his heavily beating heart. He exhales the billow of smoke and takes another puff before handing it down to you.

You’re not much of a smoker, but accept the cig willingly if only for it to chill you out so that you might be able to sleep once you leave here to go back to the house. Bringing it to your lips, you inhale deep as Simon’s head rests up against the side of yours. The contact causes you to shudder in his arms

“Are ya cold?” he asks, tilting his head around the side to catch your face in his sight. 

You shake your head, releasing the smoke from your mouth with a smile. “Not anymore” you answer as you pass the cig back for him to take his turn and settle against him. 

“Good,” he says through the inhale he takes, “can’t have ya bein’ uncomfortable, not wit me.”

There is a peace that settles over you both, cloaking you in a silence that doesn’t feel forced or uncomfortable. No words are needed to fill in the space, nothing that has to be said aloud anyway, as two people simply enjoy the physical company of the other, passing a cigarette back and forth taking shorter and shorter puffs to make it last as long as possible.  

The fact you cannot stay here in this moment for as long as you want feels like a crime.

Leaning your head on his shoulder, your gaze shifts towards the sky and you can see the clouds drifting away into the distance to reveal the clear night full of stars that has been concealed behind them. You stare up at those twinkling bits of light with a sense of wonder, unaware that Simon has not followed your gaze heavenward. 

“Clouds are finally clearing out,” you say offhandedly. “Guess the storm’s passed on. You know, I always like how beautiful the sky is after a heavy rain. All that chaos leads to everything becoming so pristine.”

There is something here that he finds beautiful, but it isn’t what’s swirling up above your heads; he’s holding it in his arms. He wants to say it aloud, he can feel the sentiment tickle the back of his throat, but for a reason he does not quite understand he stops himself and simply hands you back the cigarette after he takes his turn.  

It isn’t long until the cig has dwindled to nothing and once again you are thrust back into the reality of having to part. You check your watch as Simon flicks the butt away; it’s getting late and you need to get inside to try and get some rest so that you will be able to at least function tomorrow. 

“I should go, your relief will be coming before too long,” you say as the feeling of his lips pressing to your neck.

Simon nods against your shoulder as he too knows it’s time. He releases his arm from around you as he shifts you back to face him; one last look at you before you go.

Why is it so hard to find the words? He’s never been as tongue tied as he has been around you, but he’s able to settle on a phrase that he finds suitable enough. “Sleep well, yeah?” he says and you give a smile in response.

The feeling of his mouth hits you as he leaves you with one last kiss for you to take and you move up onto your feet a little less gracefully than you want after he breaks it. Your hand trails over his shoulder as you take off towards the house without looking back, feeling that you are stepping out of a dream as you make it to the door and shut it behind you.

His sight remains on your form until you step back inside the confines of the house and out of view. Suddenly being alone in all this silence has his mind spinning as it goes over the events that have transpired tonight. He’s usually so in control of himself, years of training making him the perfect soldier to push everything aside except for the task at hand, but now his emotions are running rampant through his veins.  

Though you’ve not really been too close before this, you aren’t strangers. Simon knows you already: he has been around you long enough to understand your sense of humor, your work ethic, how well you boost morale during long missions, your constant kindness no matter the circumstance, and you know him in similar ways too. It comes with the familiarity of serving together for the last couple of years, making the quick intensity of your intimacy so natural.

Taking another cigarette from his pack, he inhales more of the numbing smoke as his mind involuntarily wanders back to how you felt in his arms and how perfectly your curves fit into their embrace. It’s better than he had ever hoped it to be during all those restless nights he spent telling himself that his infatuation with you would pass, that you deserved better than a bastard like him, that he should leave you alone. Now with everything that has happened between you and even though he knows it's wrong, he needs you so fucking bad… what he deserves be damned.  

You make him feel alive for the first time in years and fuck is that something that has him in it’s clutches.

Now he just has to figure out how to keep this up without detection. The lieutenant ponders the rest of the night until he is suddenly brought out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. “Ya came back for…” he says as he turns with a smile on his exposed lips as if expecting you to be standing there only to be met with the masculine, stubble-covered face of his other sergeant, causing him to startle and rise to his feet, dropping his nearly finished cigarette as he scrambles to calculate a way to explain his statement.

“Came back?” Soap questions, his eyebrow raised curiously as a knowing smirk spreads across his mouth. “Nah, first time I been out ‘ere. Didn’t mean to scare ye, just ‘ere as yer relief. Seems yer a bit lost in yer head tonight LT. Were ye expectin’ someone else?”  

A quick clearing of his throat as the lieutenant stomps out the butt of his smoke and pulls down his mask to hide the surprise on his face. “No,” he says firmly, “just didn’t expect ya ta be so fuckin’ quiet. It’s not like ya ta not make noise.”

Soap eyes the lieutenant up and down, but doesn’t push his joking any further, even though he has the perfect opportunity to pick on his superior because even in the dim light outside he is sure that his shirt is on backwards. The look in the lieutenant’s eyes says it all, that he doesn’t want to be messed with, and the young sergeant decides it best to leave it alone by sending the lieutenant on his way with nothing more than a nod as he takes up the post.   

By the time Simon reaches the inside of the house, you are already fast asleep in your cot from what he can see in the darkness that fills the room. You have always caught his eye, but God, you look so fucking beautiful just in your natural state. He quickly surveys the room to be sure everyone is still out before he quietly and carefully steps up to your side on the way to his own bed. 

 With a light touch his fingertips gently brush over the loose hair near your ear to tuck it securely behind as he studies your calm and serene face. You don’t stir and he doesn’t want to wake you, so he creeps back over to lay down in his own cot, keeping his eyes focused on your form through the pitch black until sleep finally takes him as only one thought rolls through his mind.

Tomorrow evening can't come soon enough. 

The day goes off just as it should without a hitch, though the way the lieutenant has had to keep his distance from you has proved to be much more agonizing than he had hoped. So, as soon as everyone is asleep, he does not hesitate to join you near the end of your watch the same as the night before. The thrill of this new and exciting connection is the catalyst that pushes him to ignore any warnings in his mind to take this slow; he wants to be near you as much as he can as he realizes that he can’t deny what he wants if he is going to keep up appearances when the sun is out. 

Sitting in the spot that is becoming the usual meeting place, you are caught by surprise as his rough palm grazes the skin underneath your chin as he tilts it back to him while his other hand cradles the back of your head. His full lips are already exposed so that the moment your eyes meet he is already bowing his head to envelope your mouth entirely with his own so hard that the hair on his jaw pricks your face as his tongue slips in to taste you.

And the midnight world behind your closed eyelids explodes into fireworks.

Minutes pass without a care as his kisses take you away into a realm of pure bliss, the passion collapsing any reality outside of him and the microcosm his touch creates. In that timelessness wrapped in all of that euphoria he finally breaks away to rest his hand against your cheek, silently stroking it with the pad of his thumb as that piercing gaze follows the contours of each and every detail that comprises your face as if he wants to commit them all to memory. 

“What?” you ask quietly after a few seconds, curious about what he is thinking.

He shakes his head as he answers. “Nothin’,” he says quietly without stopping. “Just like lookin’ at ya is all.”  

Breathing becomes near impossible as the tug on the strings of your heart is enough to make you collapse. Who would have guessed that behind that rough exterior that the lieutenant dressed himself in day after day is a man whose heart is bigger than he lets on? It is clear from his kiss alone that he has been struggling all day to keep it together just as you have, but now that you are back together again all that evaporates into thin air.

Simon takes his place sitting wrapped around your body and the moment his hands brush against the bare skin of your arms, your breath catches in your chest and your pulse begins to race. The feeling of the heavy pounding he can sense through his palms and that excitement immediately floods his body, making his touch start to wander.

“You aren’t concerned about anyone catching us?” you ask as you lean into his chest. 

Simon shakes his head. “They can’t see anythin’ from this angle,” he reassures. “I gotcha, don’t worry; I just need ta feel ya again, pretty girl. But tell me ta fuckin’ stop and I will.”

Those strong fingers play cautiously around the waistband of your pants as he waits for your response. His body is beginning to vibrate with how instantaneous his need overtakes him as you are under his touch again. 

“Don’t stop,” you breathe. “Don’t ever fucking stop, Simon.”

You can feel his lips near your ear. “Open your legs for me,” he urges in a deep, guttural groan that makes the hair on your arms stand up as he uses both hands to undo your pants and slip inside them. 

Everything goes so fast after that: the way he has you moaning and panting like a dog in heat is almost too easy and before you can think your pants are off and he is desperately thrusting his aching cock inside you. It is becoming apparent that his appetite for you is insatiable and as you come you realize that this is going to be a delicious problem that you don’t want to find a solution to other than this.

“Just so ya know, pretty sure your pal Mactavish knows somethin’s up ‘tween us, though,” he chuckles as you finish fixing your clothes and sit back down facing him. 

You knew this was a possibility, especially after all the jokes he’s been making lately, but hearing it out loud just solidifies a worry you’ve had rummaging around in your head since the beginning of all this. The anxiety must be present on your face as Simon feels compelled to continue. 

“If he wanted to, he coulda done something about his suspicions long ‘fore now. Just wants ta be a little shit ‘bout it is all,” he says.

That’s not what concerns you the most; Johnny has never betrayed your trust before and you are mostly sure he wouldn’t now. No, getting caught doesn’t seem half as distressing as the thought that has you in its chokehold. You hold Simon’s gaze with worry in your eyes. “Does this mean we shouldn’t do this again? I mean… if Johnny suspects then that means something must have been a sign to give us away and any of them could pick up on it as well.”

“Is that what ya want?” he questions back as a lump forms in his throat that he desperately tries to swallow down. “Do ya want ta stop this?”

Simon knows this would be the best option, to call it before things get even more out of hand than they already are, but as he waits anxiously for your answer all he can think about is how much it’s gonna fucking hurt if you pull away from him now.

“See, that’s the problem,” you admit with hesitance as you divert your gaze, unable to look into his face; you can’t take this back once you say it aloud. The intensity of it all has you unsure of yourself, but there is something about Simon that causes you to be honest, even to a fault. 

“I don’t want to stop,” you sigh.

The instantaneous relief that immediately hits is overwhelming and unconsciously Simon’s hand reaches out to turn your face back to him. “Then I don’t either,” he confirms as the pad of his thumb strokes over the smooth skin until your features soften and he can finally steady his pounding heart again. “We’ll just have ta be careful is all. I’ve… wanted to be near ya for a long while now, even before Mactavish pulled me into his silly fuckin’ game, and it would fuckin’ tear me up to give it all up so soon.” 

He had thought about you before? It surprises you to learn that you weren’t the only one that was struggling with infatuation. “Really?” you ask.

Simon nods as he takes your hand in his. “Needed ya for so fuckin’ long, thought I was gonna lose my goddamn mind. It’s been hard tryin’ to keep my distance. Christ, I used ta get so fuckin’ worked up at seein’ other recruits askin’ ya out, thought I was gonna break one of ‘em cause I wanted that ta be me.”

“Well, you have to worry about that anymore,” you say as you watch him gently play with your fingers. “I never wanted any of them anyway; they weren’t worth the trouble.”

“Then what do ya want, hmm?” he asks, watching you closely.

You look up from your hands to his face. “You,” the answer just comes out effortlessly. 

That word, that one fucking simple ass word is the only thing he has ever needed to hear. From that moment on there isn’t a night that passes without him finding some way to see you, whether it be for minutes or hours, he does what he must to get to your side. Even if the days are long and rough, he is missing sleep to be with you however he can.

It isn’t just about the sex, though his need for you stays insatiable. Simon starts to talk with you about anything and everything: what’s on his mind, anecdotes from his past, funny things to make you laugh, and you find yourself sharing in turn as well. On nights when things are too risky to even touch you as he wants, he finds himself just content to sit and share the thoughts in his head. It’s so easy to talk to you that sometimes he finds himself feeling like you’ve always been this way and it catches him off-guard how right it seems.

Time on this mission passes quickly in your company and sooner than you realize it is time to return to base, another success under your belts. You’ve both built a strange routine on your time away that you bring with you back home, though you’ve yet to have the discussion of defining what this is. Honestly, you don’t feel the need to; you are committed to him and he seems committed to you and in your line of work where guarantees aren’t always an option, that is enough. 

The only problem in returning is now that you are back you’ve gotten closer to the source of danger and with every risk you take as you navigate how to keep this all up, there are more scrutinizing gazes around to take notice of the bond you’ve formed. You’ll have to be twice as sneaky, twice as vigilant, twice as cunning to make sure you aren’t found out. Ultimately, it is a small price to pay because the alternative does not even register. You both make the promise to each other to do what you can to keep up this charade of normalcy to try and not get caught; whatever you have to do to keep seeing each other like this.  

But there are also benefits to being back, like dreaming about how you can actually screw around in a bed instead of on the ground or in a dilapidated building, if only you can figure out how to get some alone time. From the moment you set foot on home soil it’s like everything and everyone is determined to keep you both too busy to find the time after a mission that could not have gone smoother. 

And of course you can’t forget that Johnny is going to organize a night out at the bar now that you have a bit of free time. It’s his second favorite pastime, the first being a nuisance. It is right after debriefing the day after your return that the scottish sergeant catches up to you to tell you the news and make sure that you are on board for the plan.

“Yer comin’ yeah?” he asks as he finishes giving you all the details about when the usual group is gonna take off later that night.

Goddammit, you curse internally. 

All you want to do is get a few measly hours with the man your heart pines for daily now, but that option is immediately crushed the moment Johnny utters the question. Of course you can’t say no, it’ll look suspicious to back out without any reason since you’ve never backed out of these sorts of things before. Simon loiters not a few feet away, having hoped he could capture you a moment just to steal a quick word and maybe a kiss, and you sneak a quick glance over at him, hoping he can read the apologetic expression in your eyes.

Your glance doesn’t seem to be subtle enough and Johnny follows the hastiness of your eye-line over to none other than the lieutenant who is standing at the end of your gaze. You hold your breath a second as you wait to see what he will say, but instead of making another snide, knowing joke at your expense, it’s like he only just now realized that he has left someone out of his plan and that won’t do. 

“Oi, LT, yer coming too, yeah?” he calls over to ask.

Soap’s timing might be terrible, but the idea of there being less people on base tonight might just play to the lieutenant’s favor. Perhaps after a bit of socializing you both can somehow slip away from the crowd and get some alone time together. It’s worth a try. 

“I guess,” Lt. Riley agrees, playing up the agitation in his voice to mask his true feelings.

Johnny turns his attention back to you. “See, even the lieutenant is coming. Are ye?”

You huff exasperatedly as you see from the corner of your vision Simon nod his head, giving you a sign to agree to go and it clicks. This might be a way to get near him again. “Fine, you got me. Who else is gonna keep you in check when alcohol is involved?” you pick as you sock your fist into his shoulder. “Can’t have you getting us banned from our favorite place over some bullshit.”

The bar is only fifteen minutes from the base, just close enough that you can all walk without having to drive; something that has saved your drunk asses on several occasions. You walk at the back of the group as thankfully Johnny is involved in a heated discussion with Gaz about something and is too busy to keep his eyes on you. Simon slips in close a few times to brush his knuckles against yours while shooting you hungry glances.  

You all settle into the routine of hanging at the local spot just as you always do; Johnny’s even wrangled a few others from base that weren’t on your recent team so that the tiny bar is packed with taskforce members. Everyone gets started on round one and then two, though you are able to keep nursing the one drink you ordered when you got here all night as you need to keep your wits while Simon is close.

A bit of laughter, a lot of conversation, and a couple of games of pool where you kick Johnny’s ass once he’s good and liquored up and the night is going fast. That’s when the lieutenant decides that he can’t take it anymore. You have both allotted enough of your night here that it wouldn’t look suspicious to head out and he decides it’s time; he wants to get you alone and if he doesn’t act soon the night will be over. Getting up from his seat he makes his move over to the wall where you are putting up your pool cue before you head back to the table with the rest of your teammates. He is at your side in no time and you nearly bump into him as you turn around, but he catches you so you don’t fall.

Simon leans in close against the side of your head and lowers his voice into a gruff whisper; he has to make this quick. “Ya wanna get outta ‘ere?”

Never have you agreed to something so fast before that you don’t even have to think about it; quickly you nod. 

“Meet me outside in ten, I’ll be waitin’,” he continues before pulling away expeditiously, hoping the interaction is brief enough that no one has seen. Your eyes dart down to your watch to catch the time so that not a second will be wasted, wanting to follow his directions to the letter. 

Your heart is pounding in your ears as you watch the lieutenant walk back to the table, finish off his scotch, and grumble his quick goodbyes before stalking towards the door and out into the night air. Each second that the clock ticks away takes what feels like an eternity and it is agony waiting for the last bit to pass so that you make your excuses to leave. 

The second hand finally hits the tenth minute mark and you immediately jump into making your excuse that you’re just really tired all of a sudden and need to head out before the alcohol makes you trip over yourself. It takes you a minute to placate the group, the lie seems flimsy at best, but  when you do you dart for the door before you can get pulled into any more conversations. 

Once outside you find Simon patiently standing there propped against the brick of the building near the corner where he is cloaked in shadow, taking a long drag from an almost finished cigarette that he holds in between his long fingers. The faint orange light glowing from the tip dances across the lower half of his exposed face to get caught in his eyes, making him look animalistic in the low light of the parking lot.

That autumn gaze pops up as he hears the approach of footsteps and he instantly flicks away the butt of his cig before you make it to him and he can immediately pull you close.

“Hope you weren’t havin’ too much fun back there,” he says with a nervous chuckle, “but it …uh… was gettin’ hard to sit there with ya so close and not be able to fuckin’ touch what I want. Couldn’t wait anymore.” 

“Likewise,” you agree. “I was ready to go.”

He can feel the way you tremble in his grasp as your eyes keep falling back to the area of his lips; it’s been a few days, you must be dying for them again just as much as he is dying for yours. Being under your relentlessly intimate gaze again has him growing hot and hungry and throwing caution to the wind he cannot hold back until you are completely safe.

“Come ‘ere,” he says as he pulls you by the belt until your body is flush against him. “Jus’ a quick one ‘fore someone sees.”

Not wasting a second he urgently leans his head down to meet your lips and take them with force and in a flash he is reeling through the overwhelming beast of his desire, not wanting to let go even to leave this unprotected spot. The strength it takes to break the magnetism causes his body to shudder, but eventually he is able to pry his lips away long enough so that he can break their charm. 

“Let’s get back to mine quick, yeah?” he struggles to ask against your lips as he is suddenly out of breath. “Don’t think they’ll miss us now and I’m done wastin’ time. Need ta take this opportunity ta spend some alone time with ya.”  

How could you say no to that? You aren’t about to pass up on a chance to be with Simon. Even though you don’t know how long you have, any amount of time is enough and you will make the most of it. “Let’s go,” you say and like that you both take off into the night.  

His hands stay plastered to your body the entire walk back, the forbidden nature of your endeavor to get onto base and into his quarters undetected making you both excited to the point of disorientation as pulses begin to race violently. The closer you get the more warm your cheeks become as sensitive nerve endings spark to life across your limbs and a familiar heat gathers between your thighs.

Hurriedly Simon opens the door and pulls you into the confines of his dimly lit room, the door quickly closing behind you both with a quiet latch. No sooner has the door shut than he is on you, crushing you in between him and the door as his mouth can’t stand being separated from yours anymore. 

“Goddammit, I just can’t fuckin’ leave ya be,” he breathes against your parted lips as he pulls your hip in tighter to him until he is sure you can feel the bulge forming in the crotch of his jeans. A pulsing meets your thigh as he rotates until you can feel that thick appendage prod into the muscle. “Ya feel how hard I am already, yeah? That’s what ya do to me, luv. Got me actin’ like I’m fuckin’ young again, excited ‘nd horny all the goddamn time.”

His hands now grasping at your shirt take hold and pull the scant article up over your head to toss to the floor. Your hands immediately move to his pants as he takes off his shirt to throw it next to yours; you have to remove any barrier between your bodies. In a flurry of lips and limbs you find yourselves naked as Simon pulls you to his bed ready to devour you… only instead of lust being the only emotion he feels, there is something else there.

In the quiet of his room the tension permeates the space like a heavy fog as he sits down on the soft surface of his mattress and pulls you on top of his lap. As skin is pinned to bare skin he is overcome with emotion and his hands begin to caress your body with such admiration as if you are made of something sacred. Walls he’s built up to keep everyone out have been dissolving since you were thrust into his life and now all of that comes to a head in this moment as he has to come to terms with how much he really cares for you.

There is a void inside of him that only you can fill. 

Those rough hands run up the length of your spine so tenderly, flat palms gliding over the curve of your smooth, exposed skin as he peers up into your face with clear intention. The way his eyes sparkle in the low light as he looks at you, his stare full of something more than just lust, makes your heart pound wildly in your chest. 

What is happening? You can feel the shift in the air as the passion you both have towards each other morphs into something cosmic in its intensity and suddenly you can’t breathe. It is overwhelming to be looked at like this, as if he would burn everything to the fucking ground and salt the earth just to have you, but you don’t want him to stop.

For so fucking long he has been waiting for something he never thought he would get to have. Yet the moment you touched him everything changed; you have broken him out of that state of being nothing more than a stoic statue, a man hardened by life so that he never let anything break past the barriers he erected, but suddenly that vicious cycle of wanting and never getting is finally over. And you did it all without ever even knowing it. 

Now the future actually feels like something he could look forward to, as long as you are in it.

“What?” you ask as his silent autumn gaze drifts over your body before it returns to your face.

“I hope ya know that you’re all I fuckin’ want,” he says with conviction as he leans up into you while grabbing your hips tightly so that he can flip you over onto your back, his body weight crushing you into the springs of the mattress. “That goddamn kiss did me in and I ain’t ever comin’ back. You belong ta me, ya hear? I don’t care ‘bout nothin’ else.”

“I’m all yours Simon,” you reassure with confidence. “And you are mine.”

Fiery kisses assault your mouth in desperate fashion, aggressively capturing your lips as if he hasn’t seen you in weeks as his fingers trace burning lines down your abdomen and over the curve of your hips. Pupils dilate and breaths hitch as nerve endings explode to life until you are bucking and writhing against his touch.

Your fingertips graze across the bulky muscles of his abdomen, dancing over the sparse covering of hair that leads down his V line to his pelvis and the sound of him trying to gulp down air to fill his lungs as his breath gets caught in his throat matches your own desperate sounds.

Fuck your touch sets him on fire more than it ever has and with a growl he moves down your body hastily as a new impulse takes control: to strap you to his face and suffocate. You barely have time to react as he reaches his destination at the end of the bed and lays himself flat on the mattress, his head moving in between your legs without hesitation. The hair on his chin pricks the delicate skin of your inner thighs to force you to whine as he uses his first two fingers to open you up so that he can nestle the tip of his tongue between your petals. 

His tongue drags up the length of your slit to collect that first bit of sweet juice to bloom along his taste buds before he reaches your aching clit where he teases feathery light circles around it to make you squirm before he thrust the pad up against it. There he begins to stroke with vigorous movements that are spurred on by the beautiful music he is causing you to make.  

So soft, so wet, so warm, why is this the first time he’s eaten you out? He has been denying himself of all this for what? Simon can hardly breathe, but he has never felt more alive.

Your vision blurs as you clamp your eyes shut, your head falling back while a back-arching vibration of pleasure throbs through your clit and you bite your bottom lip hard, trying to remember how to intake air through the haze caused by the intensity of his pace as with every press and movement from his tongue draws you closer to that razors edge.

Steadily that pressure continues to build as he takes the cues from your body on exactly how to tongue-fuck you into your orgasm. Sucking and licking, each stroke feverish, but effective. Nothing exists in the entire world outside of this bed: not consequences or repercussions that could come from getting caught, not reprimands or disciplinary actions that could lead to the ruination of both your careers. The ecstasy of you is worth all the goddamn bullshit you both may face for being together.

He desires you to the point of obsession and you crave him just as terribly.

Your honey coats his face, clinging to his cheeks and through the stubble on his jaw as his desire to fill your pussy with his cock takes hold, consuming him to the brink of insanity so that he is forced to rip his face out from within you. “Sorry, not done; need ta be inside ya,” he groans, needy and out of breath. “Want us to come togetha. You an me, sweetheart.”

“Yes, yes, together” you moan incoherently as you grip the sheets in your fists to steady yourself for what’s to come.

Sliding between your legs he positions himself on his knees and throws your ankles up onto his shoulders as he has to get as deep as he fucking can. He can see the glistening from between your lips and he knows you’re ready for him; there is no hesitation once he has you situated and with a strong thrust he is fully inside of you down to the very base of his cock.

Your hands rip from the covers and your fingernails dig into the muscles along his shoulder blades as you cry out while your body adjusts to his girth, each twitch as it throbs inside you pulsing against your g spot in the best way. Simon hisses as he struggles to collect himself as he bottoms out; he’s had you countless times at this point, but every single time the sensation your body produces is enough to make him see God.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he murmurs as he regains his composure enough to start slowly thrusting in and out, hips rolling over yours with a need that only grows. “Ya always have been. Fuck… I can’t believe how lucky I am ta get ta have ya ‘ere all to myself.” 

Each snap of his hips that shoves his cock deeper and deeper into you is a physical reminder that you are his, that you belong to him, and each buck of your body is a response that says claim me forever.  He wants to possess every single last centimeter of you, steal away all your sanity until there is nothing left of you except for him, and so he desperately grinds harder and harder to try and fill you full enough.

His thick abs contract and release with each thrust as he looks down on you, admiring the bright flush in your cheeks from his passionate movements. Each movement makes him strain harder and harder until his torso is coated in a thin, glistening layer of perspiration and yours is right there with him.

“Come on, baby,” he guides you through it, “I need ya to finish with me. I’m so fuckin’ close.”

Right there. It’s right fucking there; the precipice inching within reach with each stroke as your body readies itself to take the plunge. That warmth gathering at the base of your spine grows stronger causing your brows to knot together as your toes curl.

“Close,” you whimper. 

He’s almost there. “That’s it, sweetheart, just let go for me,” he praises as he reaches down between your bodies so that his fingers can stroke over your clit as he strains to keep himself from coming by digging his fingertips into your hip. 

A few more strokes as his fingers and cock work in tandem and the overwhelming sensation is enough to cause that deep ache finally find its remedy and your orgasm pops off, shooting through you like magma until your limbs go numb. Through your cries he picks up the pace and finally the warmth that had been building shoots through his body as he rips his cock out of you and buries it in the mattress underneath you as he milks himself dry.

Simon’s head hangs slack against your calves as his unsteady breath slowly returns to a tolerable rhythm before he removes your legs from his shoulders and rolls over onto the bed beside you, situating himself propped up on his pillow before pulling you closer to rest against his chest so that he can feel your pulse through his torso. You wrap your arm around his waist and hold on as you both simply breath until you have it under control.

Silently you bask in the glow of your euphoria as he holds you close, enjoying your presence in the place Simon’s never brought another person before. It’s a surreal experience to allow someone in so easily, but with you there is no other choice. He is lost in that thought until he notices how you begin to slump against him and he looks down to see you struggling to keep yourself awake. 

“I better go before I fall asleep,” you say softly as your tired eyes flutter to try and stay open as the exhaustion lulls you steadily towards slumber. “Don’t wanna get caught leaving in case anyone decides to head back early.”

His arms tethering you to his chest stay locked tightly around you. It is a terrible fucking idea and he knows it, but that stoic lieutenant cannot deny himself of what he wants, not tonight; he doesn’t want you to leave him alone again. 

“No,” he says with a hushed firmness in his tone. “Stay.”

Lifting your head up off his body, you turn your gaze up to look into his face. “You sure?” you ask skeptically as the palpitations of your heartbeat flood your ears. 

Surely he’s just taking the piss, right? You haven’t forgotten the promise you both made to be extra cautious and yet…you have to admit that you desperately want to stay.   

Simon’s opposite arm resting at his side moves across his bare torso until his hand can find and pick up the one you have lying against his chest. Silently he slips his fingers through the spaces in between your own, interlocking them together before he rests them back against his warm skin. It is a gesture that says all he needs it to say without having to utter a single word: he’s not going to let you go.

“They’ll be too fuckin’ hungover tomorrow to notice ya aren’t in your bed,” he murmurs into the dark. “You’re already tired, just stay ‘ere tonight.”

You know you shouldn’t, but you can’t stop what your heart wants and your worn out mind agrees. As you settle back down against him he brings his hand up to comb his fingers gently through your hair in a lazy, repetitious pattern until you are putty in his hands. 

What the fuck am I doin’? he thinks to himself as you lay in the crook of his arm slowly falling asleep to the sound of his calm and metered heartbeat. From the moment he finally had that first taste of you it is like everything has been turned on its head: priorities he once held as important are now shifting and thoughts he never imagined he’d have about someone suddenly seem closer than they have ever been.

He’s never allowed himself to get this close to anyone, never wanting to let another in enough to know him more than surface level, but with you it just seems so effortless. Now all he wants is to keep you around more permanently so that he can fall asleep lying next to you more nights. Everything is so clear when you are close and he doesn’t want to let it go; that both thrills and terrifies him. 

Though he cannot admit it to himself yet, not even to think of the word, he knows that he is falling hard and for the first time in a long while he is happy.

In this line of work, though, things can go south in an instant and if you don’t stay on your toes you can fall. And unfortunately things are about to come crashing down hard.

Those same pair of eyes that had been watching you both from the window of the safehouse are now glaring with rage at the lieutenant’s door as their owner’s blood boils over. The man watched you both leave the bar in a hurry, snuck out and caught you both kissing outside, followed you back to base and watched as you immediately headed for the lieutenant’s quarters, and now they are watching as you don’t seem to be leaving anytime soon and he is done.

Enough is fucking enough; he can’t take it anymore. The man wouldn’t feel so scorned by these actions if you had not previously turned him down when he had made his advances, citing that as flattered as you were that it wasn’t smart to get involved with anyone on the taskforce. “Would be inappropriate” you cited as the only reason you had to say no.  

And yet here you are sneaking around with the lieutenant like it’s nothing. 

No, if he couldn’t even be given a chance with you due to propriety, then why should your masked superior be given special treatment? He decides at that moment that he isn’t going to turn a blind eye anymore to this bullshit and immediately he turns heel to head in the direction of the officers building, hoping to catch the one person he knows can set this right. 

Captain Price sits behind the desk in his office even though it is late, obliviously absorbed in his work until he hears the repetitious knocks of someone standing at his open door followed by a familiar voice that draws his attention. A man stands there waiting for his admittance inside.

“Captain Price, sir,” the man addresses him formally. “I apologize for the late hour, I know you’re busy, but I need to speak with you.”

Price is intrigued by the urgency in his subordinate’s tone, it makes this impromptu visit seem vital that they speak. Knowing things around here it is most likely a problem that isn’t as bad as it seems and he nods for the man to come in, but he doesn’t move from his spot. “In private sir,” he insists.

“Shut the door,” Price agrees to the confidentiality and the soldier makes sure the door is secure before he comes to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. Price waits until he is situated before pushing further as to what exactly has brought the soldier here. “Now, what’s this about then? Let’s get on with it.”

The soldier nods and starts talking. “I have some information that I think you will want to know about, sir. About rules that are being broken around here without your knowledge.”

“What sort of rules?” he asks, raising a bushy brow as he leans back in his chair; the soldier has his full attention now.

He has to tell; it isn’t right. No matter what the lieutenant has threatened to do to him if he says anything, he will not let this slide a minute more. “Misconduct between the lieutenant and your female sergeant and them engaging in an inappropriate relationship,” the private says, irately. “In fact, this isn’t the first time I’ve caught them either. And I know where they are right now.”