#hopefully ill have more energy for art then too

[sunnys-side-upside-down]

Until then, folks ._.)/\(._.

[jaxieus]

ive written this three times but tumblr keeps messing up and undoing all the writing i did :'(

but i wont let it discourage me! ive got a lot to say about the art i made even though its messy sketches on mspain(t) XD

i had been feeling burnt out and decided to draw comfort characters ( some that ive not drawn in a long time or have acknowledged but never drew before) and the carebears is a franchise thats been with me for so long i made a whole painting for class about it!

i made a list and with utter shock i realized that i basically bacame my owm worts enemy! the list grew so much (and is still growing :')) and i only drew a few characters so far

i know ill render these soon but the others will take a while

(but im really concerned about how im gonna tag this without being obnoxious 🥲)

i have like alot to say about these characters i drew because they mean so much to me and i never really could delve into them at school.

theres more i want to say and its under the cut! :D

so this is gonna get a lil personal but hopefully not too much to the point its boring ,:)

the first character i want to talk about is Ursula. i remember when i was younger being increadibly infatuated with her. i would draw her whenever i could. on chalkboards, the wall, i made paper cut-out of her and digitally drew her on ms paint! she was the first character that a had a desire to be close to in a way. a character albeit evil felt comforting and till this day make me tear up from how beautiful her design is! Ursula was the first female character i felt a strong aesthetic attraction to. (im just kinda a sucker for powerful women)

so i made sure to stay true to her design by keeping her body type and tentacles. basically just switching her hands and head to the carebears design (im still deciding whether or not to keep her hair)

second has to be Rosalina. she really made me accept and realize that i did have an attraction to the same sex ':) i loved playing as her in smash bros, listening/watching her story in galaxy. i never really 'got' the whole thing but reflecting and growing as a person did make me realize that not just fictional men look great but women too!

her design is based on the carebear cousins because the main thing was the mane! you dont really see a bear with a long loc covering its eye so having her different from the others i think gives good variety

third King Candy. oka y i recently feel back inlove with him! mostly because of @/ blackthewolf17's drawings of him!! and that made me rewatch the movie and wow! i remember liking his character a while back but i never really appreciated his as a villain! watching the movie and seeing the art made me remember the discussions i had with my fam about liking him and them not really understanding. (its kinda a running theme with a lot of the characters i like)

i wanted the characters the pop out and look recognizable. i kept the crown and collar. his belly badge is a paper covering his original badge! this one shows the crown and a few bits of candy. (leaning into the fact that he doesnt belong)

next is NME SalesGuy for Four. (such a clever name) this dude is literally a character that i was shocked by his stature! i mean what did i expect? falling for a dude that exudes tall energy but is literally a short king! this dude was there during some cool family times while watching right back at ya!

while looking for references, i found i cb comic and i loved how their legs looked. it wasnt bent like the originals on the cards and i thought they looked really goofy! so i went with that with the design becasue he just doesnt really fit with everyone elses stlye

fifth Rick Sanchez. man, this old man. has been with me through a lot. i saw a poster if the show before it premiered and two years after, i watched it and ive obsessed over him so much i made people watch Rick and Morty so i could talk with them about it. R&M really got me back onto tumblr because it was my entire personality since the show was at its peak and after. (old men tsk tsk) i made OCs Self inserts and played the mobile game. i literally memorized episodes to recite as i went to sleep. and analyzed frames of my fave episode to get better at animation!

i gave Rick clothes because i wanted him to have some flair. iconic elements of him is his tousled hair, coat and alcohol. (hes drinking 'happy juice')

Sixth is Coach Brunt. a girlboss of a villain! she took care of and orphan and made her feel like she was her own! shes determined, strong, fierce, fit, has a great voice, money, and kind. what more could a girl ask for?? this was another character that i had seen while watching CS with the fam. (still havent completed it tho)

i did break the rule and give her a tuft of hair also ':/ but i like her BB i gave her.

its a paw punching a heart (maybe too violent)

Seventh is Johan liebert. i really loved this dude. the series just made me think more about human nature and nurture. i met some cool people becasue of this dude. Johan in a way made me cope with the problems that happened in my life. he really was the character that i also found out i was ace+aro. i just loved drawing him. filling pages of my sketchbook and centering english papers based around him and the lessons i learned from seeing the bad in his character and how people might turnout to be similar and how it can be a problem. (idk if it made sense, but i learned to appreciate humanity more and not be so headstrong and become blinded by my views. but also learning that its good for people to know whats coming for the people that wronged you)

Johans BB is painted on white, so you wouldnt be able to see what he is all about :)

theres is so much already but eighth is Senpai. this Fker is my worst enemy, just like all the characters i drew soo much of this guy that i thought i was gonna go crazy, there was a pang in my chest when the drawings looked like trash. he was the character that made me want to get better at art and engage more with people. i made a fnf OC to be this dudes father. (it was some of the most wholesome thing i ever drew)

Senpai has a more basic design. he also has his identifying elements like the backpack and mic

ninth is Saul. my bbg. it started with the character but sadlt turned into a full obsession over Bob Odenkirk and finding all of his shows and movies that he directed of acted in. thankfully im not deep into it anymore. but when i regularly used instagram, you could see the decent into madness for him. i made animations and really detailed fanart. if Sen got me to draw my fave better, Bob made me attempt to perfect it.

his design sadly is my weakest. i wanted to add some fake hair on him. but im sure you can see that i got lazy. a few weeks ago i made versions of the BRBA&BCS cast as Geronimo Stilton characters and (sad excusee) but i didnt want to put more into the design because i became drained from looking at the growing list D;<

his BB is based on themis :)

tenth is Big Jack Horner. i love this man. i ironically said "he was the hottest character in the movie" on my third watch and man i actually believed it on the way out of the theatre. i wanted to see if anyone liked him like i did and to my surprise people did! this dude has such a great bod, voice, attitude and like many of the characters i like i ask, "is there any proof of death? i dont think so".

i havent drawn him in months and i dont like that i havents so he was the first bear i drew. his BB is a pie but i think ill add his insignia or have him draw on it like Oopsie bear to fit his situation.

like maybe something silly like a frowning face on his BB

im going to put eleven and twelve together because both play a similar role. my two men of science. ive only recently started to like Medic and Scudworth. these two bring such a great jot to me just like all to kooky men i like as well.

sadly, they both look the same, the only thing differentiating them is the glasses. i love their voices and design.

i ahve yet to give Scudsy his own BB tho.

last thing i want to say is why i chose carebears as the main style.

the franchise has been with me since i can even remember or at least before i could comprehend what it was. i remember seeining either oopsie or good luck bear plush at a carnival and i really wanted it but it was closing and i mean it was probably bigger than me so i couldnt get it and it became an obsession of mine! i loved green and a already had a few at home whats one more? so i tried to drop hints at my mom. well as good as a 5-7 yr old could do with drawings.

theres a lot more to say but i might go one for so long it wont fit here!

this was very long and if you read it thank you very much! im glad i got to comfortably speak my mind (well write it) in my own way that did have structure but felt more personal and less embarrassing that my english teacher asking me to write something about myself and my life. or my Art teacher saying i have the freedom to create something but then talk about it with in a time span because im not the only one that has something good to say about their art.

im not sure if all of it was understandable and might've been really unnecessary but im glad either way.

[koraichalcum]

some funky previews for shenanigans - ooo mystery raid (its obvious). Already started approaching peeps to participate in some key stuff but it'll open for all to come throw hands and participate in the coming arcs...once I figure out the mechanics. Almost there, trying to make it less mathy and more fun. This is part of that turtle thing I talked about months back-been plotting in the bg, bidding time hah!

It's gonna take a long while, this is still a slow burn event. An important note for my various muses and stuff ahead beneath!

Again, slow burn event - it wont be constant cause of life, dont want stress and for story beats. Most will be fun raid events for muses to catch some neato paradox pokemon leading to funny turtle shenanigans and crater dives. It's not entirely plotted out. Like...here's my scratchy notes lol:

Anyone can join in on open parts - super hope you do! I kinda wanted this as a sort of final ruckus to Scarlet/Violet as gamefreak on record is going to announce a new venture for the year. Hopefully this ends before whenever that comes out!

While this long event is for anyone to participate (Im planning sign ups or something of that matter later down the line for crux parts-Ive already approached some of you, hello there ; > ), it also means the end of my many muse's arcs and stories they've been slowly building to in the bg. This is going to be my fun and final goodbye to my time in the rpc completely.

It's been weighed for a long long time now and I feel it's just about right. Life's been very very busy in a good way! Going to therapy, narrowing down what I want to do with myself, developing habits and schedules to ensure I stick to it including getting properly medicated, challenging my social anxiety and reaching out to others, and even deciding to quit my current dayjob in the near future. RP has been holding me up for years now with just fantastic character and plot ideas I couldn't come up including meeting so many mutuals and friends who've stuck with me for just as long as I've been here. But at some point it's turning more and more into an investment and distraction. I spend too much time here then realize Ive been behind on actual work including the amount of energy and creativity.

In no way am I leaving because of drama, trouble, etc. Figured it'd be nice to bid goodbye with an event then to just peace out quietly one day. Im not even entirely leaving rp per say. I would love to join some of the rp servers here now that Im getting better at participating in group chats. That way Id still stay connected to friends! Probably going to join with new muses entirely but besides the point--

Thanks so much for being interested in my plots, crack posts, ic things, art, etc. Again in no way is this anytime soon hah! I figured with the long while until this is happening Ill have time to start and wrap up other important plots going on with mutuals. But Im looking forward to making this the best last year ever in the rpc before the new title drops <3

Also lizard shenanigans-hes been having a time throwing ya'll around like chew toys.

[jazzyblusnowflake]

loving the new art! good to see u back! ill stick around no matter what fandom bc ur art is so good and i love it sm but wanted to ask- are you still in to EW?

Being back not might be the best way to call it since i suck at being active in general but im glad theres people who are willing to wait for me to post my silly lil work sjfhsmfn TwT

basically the thing is since im a teacher i go to school from 6am til 1pm and getting home i eat and sleep a bit from how tired i am til around 4 or 5pm and then i have to work with managing class lessons or quizzes for the next days or input scores and it usually ends up being 8-10 pm [alongside house chores and tattoo class assignments] and well you can see how i usually have no time or energy whatsoever left to really draw my heart out XD this is why i felt a bit jealous for a while from my friends that post more constantly and decided to just leave for a while. but alas, such is adult life.

but therapy has been going well and im slowly getting back into managing time for myself too so hopefully i can draw more uwu

as for Eddsworld- obviously, i doubt i could really ever leave these idiots lolololol- youll mostly find me posting fics for them on my ao3 for now, i have a lot of ideas i want to draw out but once again its a little hard atm and im hoping i get better as i go along lol. the constant wait for summer break is real 😮‍💨

thankyou for the concern. im aware i have around 30 messages in my askbox atm and i feel nervous responding to them, im sorry to everyone TvT i suck at tumblring lmao.

[thatmooncake]

hi hi!! i saw your reblog of your therapist au art and noticed in the tags that you dont mind answering questions. i hope its alright if i ask you one or two!!

so, you mention in the background section of the au that moon was used to trap souls inside dreams (or something similar to that.) will that be addressed in the future?? i feel like thats prime material for angsty stuff and moon feeling bad about what happened in the past :< not to mention the whole fazbear entertainment thing lending you the therapy bots and them linked to dream experiments is shady (as per usual with fazent.)

(also not as important, but is the whole "trapping souls" thing a reference to somniphobia, the book in the tftp series?? i actually havent read the story personally, but from a brief summary, im getting those same vibes lol. could be entirely a coincidence, but if not, thats cool either way!!!)

and on a more lighter note, can they eat stuff in this au? if so, id love to know their favorite ice-cream flavors! its a weird question to suddenly ask but for some reason this au is giving me "its a summer night, im up way too late, and im eating ice-cream when i shouldnt" type of vibes

anyways!!! im sorry i think i rambled too much but i love your guys' au, and yall's artwork!! cant wait to see more of it, hopefully in the future!

(p.s. unrelated but i thought moon,,,had the bisexual colors in his irises,,,)

Ooh yay hihi I love AU asks!

So! The dreamscape is going to play a big part in the therapy bots AU, and the angst and drama is very much ongoing - it might seem like fun and games at first exploring the therapy themed concepts, but you’re absolutely right, there are massive Somniphobia style undertones there. Moon’s dreamscape is designed to pull you in and it can be addictive and …energy consuming. Or should we say life force consuming?

Moon meanwhile? He feels closer to you in the dreamscape than in the waking world …at first. All the souls he steals become a part of him, in a sense. Remnants of them continue to float around in the dreamscape if you look hard enough, like when you start peeling back the wallpaper of a new house that used to belong to someone else. For the longest time Moon has not really been able to interact in the real world, and honestly most people in the dreamscape very rarely interacted with him either up until the very end, being far too wrapped up in exploring the vast dreamscape which moulds itself around their wants and needs. He’s been kind of used to his role as a passive observer, or a creature without much identity at all. But this time around, because you think he’s a therapy bot, he’s a part of the action. He’s actually being played with. This is unusual for him, and his feelings get a little more muddied over time.

Sun and Moon can absolutely eat in this AU - it was one of their ill-advised “upgrades”. And as the three of you start sharing some soul energy - uhhh, bond with each other more closely, they start to gain the strangest senses too. Senses they’ve never had before, like smell and taste. And they do not know what to make of this. But they do know that Sun likes neapolitan flavour (don’t ask him to pick just one, they look so pretty together!) and Moon likes mint chocolate chip flavour (yep you heard me, mint is good). And that having ice cream late on a summer night is what it’s all about (well, ask Sun about that one - Moon thinks you ought to be sleeping, but he’ll allow it this one time).

Never apologise for rambling I love rambling :D (also everyone who’s mentioned all the pride flag colours you are absolutely correct Sun and Moon say gay rights)

[edith-is-a-cat]

OMG!! i love crystals so muchhhhh that's got such a good vibe you captured me perfectly :D

i also love minecraft foxes especially the Rotund Ones in that one mod. i'm so excited to see more arctic foxes in game because those are my favorite :) i would keep your netherite sword safe!!!

also dw i'm not worried :3 i don't mind anxiety, i have it myself. i'm not the most social person in the world but online i tend to be more outgoing. i'm kinda getting back into the tumblr scene after a year or two of neglecting it so i'm a little anxious here and there too lolol. patting your head! don't drink too much energy stuff~

in return, i am telling you to look up blue tiger's eye crystals, since you seem to like blue and you are also a cat. :) they have really cool banding and it's so reflective and pretty. one of my favorite crystals.

THE NOISE I MADE I LOVE READING LONG ASK THEY ARE SO SWEET 💕 (My older sibling made a noise back at me from downstairs 😭)

RAH SINCE I WAS REMINDED I MUST SHARE THW RANDOM CRYSTALS I KEEP IN MY ROOM AND BATHROOM (with many sea shells too)

yes all the photos have flash on because im a "one of those creatures who've evolved to spend their entire existence in a pitch black cave that's closed off from the world" (direct quote from my friend) an i never have any lights on i just run into things

WUGH WHAT MOD EXACTLY??? IM GOING TO WRITE IT DOWN AND HOPEFULLY USE IT ONE DAY!! (I haven't gotten minecraft on my pc yet, ive wanted to mod minecraft for a while but couldn't bc forever on an ipad, but i have modded stardew valley and it wasn't as scary as I thought it was! Now i can live happily with my 6 wives!! Plus ive been wanting to mod Deltarune for the Ribbit mod! but its more scary and complicated since there isn't as big of a modding community around it, ill figure it out though!!!)

also if u were like a little fox in minecraft i would give you a special nametag using my magic §!! (you can get that symbol by holding down &!! idk if your keyboard is the same but that how i get it!! It changes the text color depending on what letter you put by it!!!) Also i would construct you the best enclosure ever (or just plant a forest!!)

WUGH SO REAL if real life was like being online everything would be so cool (and maybe suck a bit more?? people get more voiced online for better and for worse ;~;)

+ I got back into tumblr like!!! October 2022, well i was never really into it but I did have my first blog that i never really did anything with (its now my reblog account)

also on the energy drink note my chem teacher said i had a problem 😭 (I dont!!! I exist like a month without any!! (I love her i showed her my can locker where i had filled my school locker with energy drink cans and shes just like "cool bud" SHE ALSO WAS ONE OF THE TWO TEACHERS TO ASK FOR OUT PREFERRED NAMES I LOVE HER))

On the blue tiger's eye note!!!! Yes. please. give. I need them i have so many things to decorate!!!! I need to put up shelves around my bed so i can look at my random stuff i adore!!!!! (the only thing i have up on my wall is something i drew for my art class and my Undertale heart locket aka one of my most prized possessions... sadly the the music box in it doesn't work anymore i played it so often, cries, it broke when i was trying to wind it for the little kids at my old school)

OKAY DID NOT KNOW I COULD TALK SO MUCH!!! DJFJDB

[lunarlagomorph]

@lvnarsapphic

Okay ive been working on this setting since high school and its been almost entirely contained in my brain so its hard to actually impart information about people in it but ill try.

In one of the regions, The Hatchetlands (named after the fact a mythical hatchet was used to cut down the Forest [there's a capital F Forest and its bad to be in] to make room for civilization), there is an Elder-Scrolls-Empire style government called the Council attempting to unify the region under their rule. They don't have much competition but it isn't a region that's easy to maintain an iron rule over. There are a few reasons for the Council's supremacy, but a major one is that they have an incredibly advanced Division of Magical Sciences. The Division of Magical Sciences is, on the surface, a way to study how magic actually works, since its mostly only been taught as an art form rather than a science. Theres a lot more to this whole deal but ill get way off topic.

In reality the ultimate goal of the Division of Magical Sciences is something which would essentially turn the plane world into a magical-energy generating machine in a sort of end-of-eva way, at the behest of a otherworldly benefactor (again something that would take too much time to get into). Myella, whos original name was uh well i havent though of one but it wasnt myella, was originally the Gendo of this situation, eningeering a way to connect the thoughts and emotions of all sentient beings. She was killed in a coup within the Division of Magical Sciences by those who wanted to wrest it away from the Council.

Her body was dumped in the woods, where the lingering magic her research involved mingled with some fungi that had begun eating the corpse. Because of the connective nature of said research magic, the fungi were able to link their mycelium together (do you get the name now) into a functioning nervous system for the corpse, effectively Weekend-At-Bernie's-ing her. They can puppet her limbs around very effectively, though things like speech and digestion are beyond them. They do eat corpses, though it's mostly just how mushrooms usually do it. Myella has some access to their hosts's memories, abilities, and feelings, but for the most part they are an entirely new person.

Beyond being a mushroom colony piloting a half decayed meatsuit, the spores also maintain that connective magic, to the point that the mushrooms are able to sense their surroundings by spreading them, as a blindsense of sorts. This lends itself to a fighting style, which is basically never being hit by anything and hopefully something good happens (think vash).

They are able to expand beyond the single body, growing the colony, though distance ends up turning mushrooms left behind back to normal.

They can also use them to connect emotionally with people who spend enough time inhaling the spores, which allows for basic communication with constant companions. Eventually this ability is going to lead to them being the center of the end-of-eva situation their host had ended up planning, but thats in the future. At the start of their adventure, Myella is mostly just like a child exploring the world and discovering what everything is. So who exactly they are is something yet to be determined.

Sorry if this was a bit too much lol

[nyctophobia-au]

Where I've Been

Okay, so, 'sup babygrills. This is going to be a bit of a lengthy post, but I feel like I should update followers on here as to where I've been because I haven't been active for, like, months.

If you don't care to read all of the stuff under the cut, that's fine. Here's my TL;DR: I've been having issues with mental illness, trauma, motivation, gender dysphoria (?), and have been busy with college and YouTube/social media stuff. However, luckily my HK special interest has returned and I plan on posting more often hopefully. (Mild cw for mental health mentions ig.)

Okay, so, to begin, I've been gone a lot due to responsibilities outside of making Nyctophobia content. So, up until recently, I've been working on graduating from college. I've been finishing up my final class this Summer, but last quarter in the Spring was really difficult for me time-wise and mental health-wise. I've had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety throughout my life, and being at college was torturous and sapped all of my energy. It did not help that, last quarter, I had to be there at the college for six hours of my day five days a week. It was not easy to make art for myself and my channel, much less for this blog.

Outside of college, and I've mentioned this before in passing, but I also make YouTube videos and, at the moment, YT is my income (alongside comms as well). I've been pretty focused on keeping my my schedule at least a little bit consistent, and that alone has been draining and tiring. It also affects the kind of art that I can create, as I have to draw certain things for certain videos. I've been really weary when it comes to making content as of late, and I really need to take a small break so that I can work on stuff I actually want to work on rather than being stuck drawing certain things for the sake of videos I'm not inspired to make.

Pivoting more into specifics about my mental health, I have been needing to see a therapist for a long while, but I haven't had the motivation or the funds to pursue that option up until recently. Hopefully, I will be attending therapy soon. Last year in, uhm, September I had a particularly bad mental health episode and I've come to realise that some events that happened during that time have left me with trauma that I'm still currently working past and healing from. I've had issues with self-harm, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and self-perception for a long time, but in the Spring they were stifling and impossible to ignore. Lately, they have been better, though. So, that's nice. There hasn't been just the usual stuff lately (oh no, that's be too easy), but I've gotten jumpscared with gender issues (hooray, my favourite /s) during this time, and am struggling with my self-perception regarding my gender up to current day. (Hi, I currently go by Rot or Sexy Fictional Bug Enthusiast and my pronouns are they/them, but they may very well be they/he soon). Also, I had a bad identity crisis a couple of months ago and had to do this whole rebrand thing that was a lot of work and it kinda sucked away a lot of energy and time.

On top of all of that, ya boy's special interest metre has been focused primarily on OC stuff and other things outside of HK. It's pretty well-known that I have autism and Hollow Knight is one of my special interests. I'm unsure how it works for most people, but my fixations tend to come in waves and fluctuate (though super special meaningful ones stick for a long time). So, like, I had this whole issue with my mind always being fixated more on things outside of HK. It's been my OCs for a few months, but alongside that, I also suddenly became enraptured by The Owl House and my Digimon special interest sleeper agent returned for a hot second there. As of recently, I've been interested in HK again, but have been afraid to start/work on projects related to my AU because of me having to work on OC content for my channel and also for my friends who are invested.

As of right now, I have some more time on my hands to make the content I want to make, and my HK fixation is back (thank fuck). I've generally been doing a bit better in the mental health arena, but I will also be taking some time off of YT and posting videos regularly in favour of focusing on making stuff I want to make. So, like, expect me to be more active here for some time. I might be finishing a fic in the next month (hopefully) as well, and I have some general comic and art ideas. I just want to draw Auric again, god dammit. My beloved. <3

Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. Just figured I'd make a post about this for people who thought I died or something (and for the people who were once interested in my projects on here and are starving for content, lmao).

[gayaest]

your art makes me so happy :,) the color palettes and distribution and fashion styles are So good for my brain to just stare at for 395935 hours straight and also as someone also disabled I love love love seeing disabled people draw other disabled people. it's literally so good a shot of dopamine straight to my brain and the different cultural representations are so fucking baller too I'm literally in love and I screamed out loud when I saw that you spelled gali's name in the Hebrew too as a Hebrew speaker..... AND THEN I FOUND OUT THAT YOYRE ALSO THE MOST ENTERTAINING VTUBER EVER?? literally biggest W of my life. please keep doing what you're doing as long as it makes you happy. I will never get tired of it.

AAAAA!! You’re so so sweet — this made me smile and giggle out loud~!

This made me very happy, thank you so much for the message! I think a huge reason a lot of the people I draw are always unique and different is because that’s both 1) how I grew up, the family around me, etc and 2) where I grew up, it was also just, literally all different cultural backgrounds, it was gorgeous!

I’ve been trying my best to learn hebrew, as I am jewish and west asian and I want to feel connected to my own culture as well! I’m glad I did a decent job, I was so scared of messing it up 😭😭

And about the vtuber stuff — THANK YOU! I haven’t had the energy to stream much lately but hopefully after I get more treatment for my chronic illness I’ll have more energy (or at least here’s to hoping *crosses my fingers*)

Thank you again for such a sweet ask!

[goremet-chef]

watching videos on animation to hopefully get better 😁😁 i used to animate A LOT when i was younger like in 5th grade i was using abcya animate any chance i could in class and CONSTANTLY at home, animation is one of my passions but ive just. the older ive gotten the less energy i have especially on account of mento illness so it just seems so... it feels too hard to try and be GOOD cuz i animated a lot but it was more like. quantity rather than quality. well and i was a kid so i didnt understand basic concepts for animation

i think one thing that pushes me the is like..... when i was younger every furry my age was doing animation memes and i was so. JEALOUS because like. we have the same experience which is none so how did you get so good and what the fuck PROGRAMS ARE YOU USINGG but ive given up on my dreams of getting some fancy animation/editing program and im just gonna do it raw with fucking. firealpaca and windows movie maker. ive tried those real good programs before but often they just make me hella confused and i dont do well with scenery change 💀

i think i can do it cuz last time i got real into something art related was digital painting and within 1 day of watching videos and practicing i painted that monster hunter scene. probably could have been better but it tells me that like. despite what i think about myself im capable of taking information and holding it in my head and yknow. USING IT so we'll see

[lotus-btas]

BTaS Update: May-July 2023 - Pages of Lotus

Back again after a VERY long while without an update. Sorry for that, I'm forgetful.

Let me catch you up to speed on how the progress for Beyond Time and Space has been going these past few months, where we are now, and how we'll do things moving into the future.

Starting with the past, I'm gonna be fully honest: I haven't made a lot of progress with episode 2. Towards the end of May and the entire month of June, I've been suffering some serious burnout, to the point where interacting with my work would make my physically ill and exhausted. For a while I thought about skipping episode 2 entirely and moving on to 3, but then remembered that I stopped working on ep 3 because of my dissatisfaction/change of ideas with ep 2 that mentally stopped me from moving into the next arc. I'm still semi trying to get over it, but every day I can feel my creative drive starting to kick back in. I just need to sit down, focus, and get to work, which is a lot harder these days than ever before.

I also mentioned in the past how I was gonna host a beta reading for the first episode of Beyond Time and Space on the 20th of May. That also didn't happen. Not only was I sick with a headache on the 19th of that month, but I was rushed to the hospital for treatment, and spend the 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd recovering. Plus, that post got little to no interest or attraction, so making a sign up that no one would bother to mess with seemed kind of pointless.

As of the present, right now I'm working on trying to balance my energy between BTaS and my other projects and interest, to make sure that my burnout doesn't get as dangerously bad as it did in May and June. It seems to be working. None of them are making much sound progress, as I keep getting distracted by my own thoughts, but it's keeping my energy in check, which is all I need.

I also decided to start working on a pilot for Beyond Time and Space! Yeah! The one thing that I should've started with, especially because this is an animated series, I'm doing now, a full year after I wrote the first episode! Kinda ironic! I find a huge benefit of this being that I know my characters super well now, but the big disadvantage is finding something for them to do; how they can interact with this new environment that I'm putting them in for a single short episode. That's also been a little draining. Might need to brainstorm some more.

And, last but not least, going forward. My plans from this point on is to hopefully have a more consistent update schedule (every or every other Saturday, if I can remember), maybe create and show off some art made specifically for the updates, like a visual summary. I'm also working on a twitter account for Beyond Time and Space that is currently up, but probably won't have anything on it for quite a while. I'm a full believer that it's never too early to share your work, but I'm an anxious gun that needs some sort of visual content to back it up, if that makes sense.

Anyways this is really long. Apologies for that. I would add a TL;DR, but I'm kinda in a rush now because I gotta cook dinner. Just getting this out of the way beforehand (and because the time it took to write this was the same amount of time I had left before the time to cook dinner struck, so it kind of just fell in my lap). Maybe I'll include one once I reblog with the tag list.

Thanks for spending your time reading this update! Your eyes are a blessing :D

- Yors Truly

[cats-inthe-cradle]

5, 8, 15, 21, and 40!

Hi Grace! Thanks for the ask :D

5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? 

Sometimes! Tho not so much recently, I sleep with my cat Misty instead <3

8. What’s your favorite band/artist? 

I don't really have one? Idk I'm not, like, the most musically minded? If that makes sense? I've never been good about remembering artists n stuff. Basically if I like a song I'll listen to it and/or add it to one of my many playlists I have for stories/characters :D

If you've got any suggestions tho I'd love to hear 'em, I'm always looking for new stuff to listen to 👀

15. What’s your favorite season? 

Spring! The tempature's perfect, everything's always so green, we get some of the BEST thunderstorms where we live (and it's always really windy, which is an added bonus, I love the wind), it's when all the baby cows are born so whenever we drive somewhere we get to see all the little calves out in the fields, and I always have more energy in the Spring! (Apparently there's this weird phenomenon for POTS patients where our symptoms get overall worse in the fall/winter, so I always feel better in the spring).

Anyways yeah, I love Spring

21. How was your day today? 

Honestly? Not the best. I didn't really get enough sleep last night so I've had a headache most of the day, and I've just been really tired this whole week. Also writing & arting & storying in general has Not been cooperating (probably because my brain is tired) so yeah. BUT! Hopefully the weekend will be better :D I've got plans to go see the new spider-verse movie with my friend on Saturday, so I'm really excited for that!

And yknow? Most days are meh for me. I've got a chronic illness that sucks and I'm running on Not Enough Energy pretty much all the time. But I've learned to appreciate the small moments, and that helps a lot. 'Cuz even if most days are just meh (or worse) there's still a lot of good moments in them that more than makes up for it. So even tho physically I've been kinda miserable all day, I'm happy. I got to binge some rottmnt with my brother (soon I will introduce him to my aus >:), I played some minecraft, I listened to music, I played with my cat, I read some good fanfic, I'm messing around on tumblr at 3am

So really, looking back on the emotional aspects of today? It's actually been a good day. Maybe not an amazing, or memorable, or significant day. But still a good one, and that's enough.

Even if I still have a headache shdhd

40. Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? 

I love the beach!!! So much. It's one of my favorite places. One of my favorite things about it is being able to see forever. And, hmmmm it'd probably depends on if I wanna go swimming or not. Actually, I'd still go swimming if it was cloudy (and have actually) as long as it's not too cold. So really I don't have much of a preference? If I'm at the beach at all I'll be happy. I like when it's clear so I can see forever tho, but I also like I when it's cloudy and rainy in general, so.

[toomanywordsnllines]

I want to ask like all of them, but I'll limit myself. For the artist asks: 18, 23, and 25 :)

Honestly mood, I'm nosy and want to know your answer to everything.

18. Do you have any larger projects you’d like to pursue? Like comics, shortfilm, a series etc?

Hell yeah! My dream is to pursue illustration full time (am currently taking a degree about it XD) and hopefully get a job where I can just... write and draw my own books. and publish them! That's one of my dreams!

If that does happen I would realy want to get to make children's books! And focus on mostly children stories. Mainly, about tradicional songs and folklore from my country!

But I would loveeee to do comics about more mature topics and my life.

My dream dream, however, is to turn my comic idea (That I've had flowing in my head for... years now) into a real thing.

I do have to say... Concept art is also constantly on my mind. Sometimes I think about starting doing animations and maybe also doing a degree for it but- I love all forms of art and wish I had the energy to work on all of them but alas~

Illustration is mostly my main goal, after all ^-^

23. Do you listen to music or watch shows while you work? If so, what’s your favourite?

Yup! I try not to listen to just music for the simple reason that. I get really into my work and forget putting new music- which leads to silence and my brain gets... really mean with silence.

So! normally I will have a playthrough going on in the background while I work. If I'm drawing something I'm not a hundred percent about I will re-watch things (like Markiplier's 3 scary games playlist. I have rewatched that... so many times.) cus then I can focus more on the drawing than the game, ya know?

My favorite youtubers for noise are Mark (his voice is... one of my main reasons, very soothing), Jack and Alanzoka (that man is so funny please... I try not to put him when it's late or I'll be weezing.)

I Can't really have series cus I'll just pay more attention to that XD. Sometimes I'll just have my siblings as white noise too... they're very noisy

As for music I listen pretty much to everything BUT! Nothing but Thieves, Novo Amor, Pomme, Kaleo, Grandson (and Billie Eilish I think?) are some of my fav artists and are the ones I listen the most! All diferent vibes for diferent energies.

25. Based on your recent reference searches, what would the FBI assume about you?

If I'm being honest? Probably think what's wrong with me (same buddies) Cus I've been searching a lot about some, how should i say it, mental illenesses and mental problems in general also physical problems and illnesses. Both for my codsona Many and for me XD

(OH ALSO BECAUSE OF A QUIZ I HAVE A LOT OF '[KINK NAME] MEANING' XD cus I know most of them but not... by name... yeah)

Also the amount of times I have searched for google translate is... hilariously sad.

[acelucky]

NYE Post

I love a good NYE post where I summarise the ups and downs of the year and put into thoughts what I’m looking forward to next year. I try to keep it brief, I rarely succeed. I feel this is essentially like those old fashioned round robin letters people still occasionally do in Christmas cards!

Bad bits - All the World Events/cost of living and energy crisis/War and weather aside... I finally caught covid, an old friend passed away in horrible circumstances, my dear bunny Cloud died in June, a relative has fallen very ill and may not have long left to live and at the start of the year my mental health was in shocking shape. I also broke my wrist playing 5-aside football with work in September.

The Good - I completed an amazing course of therapy which has left me feeling so much more confident and happy in myself - it really has changed my outlook on life. I saw the Francis Bacon exhibit at the Royal Academy of Arts in March, I’ve also visited several fascinating museums and exhibitions. There’s been lots of concerts, the most amazing being seeing Placebo again at Portsmouth Guildhall, seeing Joe Jackson with my dad and after years of trying to see them live, getting to see Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds at all points east festival with @cassandrafey  My husband and I had a long road trip up to the lake district to visit his family as well as see where he grew up and visit some of my favourite places too, it was lovely. I did a 27 and a half mile walk with work for charity (The Surrey Three Peaks challenge but we got a bit lost), it was the most physically difficult thing I’ve done in my life and I was so proud of myself. For my birthday we went to Longleat Safari and stayed overnight nearby - we fed the lorikeets and the seals, it was absolutely perfect.  In October my husband and I went abroad for the first time since June 2019, we went to Rhodes, Greece and it was beautiful, relaxing and romantic. We had a lovely wedding anniversary and went to the Theatre to see Swan Lake. And finally we had a 3 night family holiday to Bruges where we experienced all the magic of late Autumn/cold crisp winter and saw all the Christmas lights.

New Year’s Resolutions - I pretty much have one this year and that is simply. To be more mindful. More mindful about what I spend my money on, what I eat, how I take care of myself, how I react to situations, what I reveal about myself at work, how much I drink at comedy gigs, what and who I spend time and energy on. 

Looking to 2023 - On the one hand next year already has some very big plans and will be busy, but due to this my plan is to keep other times quieter than usual and focus more on me and the relationships I hold dear/my home. I’ll still be performing comedy but not doing as much or chasing it, I’ll continue to run the comedy night’s I run and will still perform once or twice a month at new gigs/the best gigs/gigs worth doing and am doing a Split show at Brighton and Ventnor fringe festivals, but that’s it. I want to focus more on the funeral industry and potential career change and my writing.

Plans for 2023 - There’s a few loose ones like my husband and I hopefully going to Ireland for a week. But set in stone the biggest adventure I have is going to New Zealand with my dad in May (and a night in Singapore) to explore, show him my favourite places and see family. We have Beltane Festival at the end of April at Butser Ancient Farm and in September I’m off to Budapest with the wonderful @cassandrafey to see IAMX. Oh and we may have bought tickets to see Def Leppard and Motley Crue in London....

So that’s my re-cap for the year, whether anyone reads it or not, it strangely makes me feel better knowing I’ve written it all down and can reflect in time to come.

In the meantime, I wish you all a very Happy New Year! 

(Photos are of: Cloud the bunny, Sunset in Rhodes, me on my birthday, The Lake District with my husband, Bruges)

[the-nysh]

I love your positivity towards BNHA, I get very critical of it (like I find everything so far with Bakugou is messy and uncomfortable, but its the climax stuff like that is going to happen, hopefully Horikoshi will spread that energy around so its not just Bakugou getting whumped and actually show others (Deku) would also get very injured if they go alone - I am still unhappy with the direction of Deku and his arm situation but he's been pulling the series down for me for a long time p1/?)

[Me, astounded that this is a fifteen-part ask! O___O;;!!]

-and as corny and shoehorned in as some of these statement pieces interspersed or even mining for powerful moments that are undercut because he didn't give himself enough pace and time to write for characters, relationships or after paths, I appreciate that his art can still get the point across, he's got good ideas, its his first long running series, he's clearly felt the pressure to push the plot along and he's been very physically and mentally ill over its run and weekly series are hard p2/?

to write. Of the mainstream, popular shounen series I have read (not many) its one of the more coherent and even sensible ones so far. He's putting in a effort to do well by most characters, even if it looks messy. Horikoshi reliance on reveals I think adds to the confusion, he might want to read up on dramatic irony as a way to raise tension, have the audience know things characters don't so we can feel scared for them, too often stuff happens, there is a cliffhanger, we don't know the p3/?

purpose, or even what has actually happened or why which has some suspense and be gripping but if used too much can get more frustrating. Anyway, people called that heroes present had the skills to makeshift some surgery, just swap Mirio for Edgeshot in getting the heart going but Edgeshot makes a lot of sense, he's doing what we know the character can do. I am hoping this gives a strong reason for Eri (or Overhaul) who have history undoing chimeras can save Edgeshot (and Bakugou's p4/?

severe traumatic injuries. The imbalance between Bakugou's suffering and the passes Deku gets is a annoyance for me at this point in the story when it feels like there should be more to balance other characters accomplishments with Deku, they don't have to match him in power, but there should be a stronger sense of their capabilities. I know a lot of 'saved' for the finale but by skipping so much, what the story does show is weighed on Bakugou's set-backs, failures and suffering - odd p5/?

given how associated with victory his character is. Its all water under the bridge but does affect my feelings towards what is happening, as interesting, sensible and themeatic as it is. So I really want to know the purpose of these events and I am excited for all the potential, for Bakugou, Deku, their relationship, Bakugou's relationship with OFA/All Might, his role in the finale and role in general. Where is this going and actually as painful and messy as all this is p6/?

(the potential physical trauma that could last or the mental trauma if Edgeshot dies by doing this) are concerning because the story is as dramatic as it should be in the climax. Unlike Deku, Bakugou feels like he has stakes, bad things can stick and it’s pretty amazing the story is sticking to following what is happening with him, and how its framed is more like a growth than a death, so there are lots of questions. I am also happy to see Japanese fans happy and interested, thinking about p7/?

the potential consequences and trauma (which is where my mind went in terms of, it doesn't feel right that one of the biggest traumas for Bakugou is causing someone to sacrifice themselves for him, to be repeated during the point at first felt wrong but then if the finale is about spiritually/mentally overcoming what previously brought you down, perhaps part of Bakugou finale is to accept that others sacrifice themselves for him and instead of being tortured by that he can see the honor p8/?

in it and be strong and grateful as it connects to his weakness of wanting to do everything by himself and while he has accepted teamwork, he's so far when it comes to saving he's only experienced putting himself on the line for others, even in joint training he intercepted attacks etc. and he couldn't stand Deku being self sacrifical, he couldn't stand All Might sacrificing himself, his idea of a perfect victory is not losing anyone but there is still that gap of accepting others choices p9/?

to sacrifice themselves (for him) and while it may still be a burden it doesn't have to become a handicap. In building up to Edgeshots sacrifice, the idea of legacy and heroes do what they must to protect futures (to oppose AFO’s saying his goal is to stop futures, AFO being 1D is another critique but symbols, themes, ideas is Horikoshi’s stronger points, AFO just fills a role so things can play out with other characters, fair enough), the sacrificial aspect of heroism is front and centre p10/?

as part of what weaves and connects hearts and futures, which is no coincidence that Deku’s inherent heroism starts with his willingness to sacrifice himself or his wants to save someone else. It connects to Japanese values of community and what fundamentally makes an ideal and decent person, what sort of person to strive to be. I will admit it spiritually rubs me the wrong way, even if these ideas are at the heart of most religions and many cultures for communal prosperity and peace. p11/?

It feels to me like over glorification of sacrifice, including this theme overriding character traits (like intelligence and strategy, that being instinctive to save, overriding tactics is framed as growth in the right direction- going back to 285). Despite Horikoshi trying to show the difference between sacrifice and being suicidal, like early Deku, I still am uncomfortable with themes in BNHA and how they are shown and put across. To get to the point were sacrifices are shown in the p12/?

story, it doesn’t feel like other options are exhausted – perhaps that is a limit to how much Horikoshi wants to draw things out to get to the narrative and thematic point. The shortcuts, if they are, undermine a bit of the beauty of the messaging that I think I understand Horikoshi is trying to capture. Yet seeing Japanese fans reactions it brings up the simple ideas of the difference between someone called a hero who can’t bear to live at others expense and someone who was called a hero p13/?

who did, or how letting go of ego is a victorious path, so again, he’s a man filled with strong ideas of something beautiful within humanity and our empathy, willingness to change and the connections forged between people, and how that works or what needs to be for that to happen. Where his writing lacks more in-depth character studies, its clear the story and cast are more an essay on heroics. While personally I don’t agree with all his conclusions or more specifically how the story is p14/p15

is showing them, there are a lot of interesting sentiments to think about. There is meaning to what is happening on the page and I am still on edge to see if Horikoshi can stick the landing for Bakugou. (15/15, End: sorry to spam my ideas  kept running on >.< and tumblr probably ate half of it so it made no sense. If you managed to read, thank you. If not, that's cool too.)

So whoa! I’m honestly surprised these all came thru. Thank you anon for sharing your long, insightful thoughts. :’3

I can say of the many ongoing shonens I’ve read over the years (published til their completion) what Hori has is very solid - conveying his strong themes and messages with heart, even from the limitations/shortcuts expected of a weekly series where ‘the plot must go on’ instead of lingering for more preferred depth (or covering ALL the characters of his huge cast), or dealing with the pressure from his many changing editors affecting the pacing/delivery, etc. I feel he’s really had to weigh/balance who & what gets top priority to show in his limited real-estate, cause damn does he have MANY interesting ideas I can tell he WANTS to fully explore but usually can’t, that even he has regrets once they’re put to the page (and he doesn’t have the same leeway Murata does to go back and redraw whole chapters if he’s not satisfied - so the pressure even on Hori’s editors to get it done the first time, is quite large.) For everything else he can’t cover, that’s what fanfics are for~

So having criticism is fine, but so is having tempered/grounded expectations for what Hori is reasonably allowed to do, too (because for many readers - esp western, it’s very obvious this is their first shonen, so it’s smart to see what the more seasoned Japanese readers think - as both the intended audience AND for being genre savvy of what to expect.)

Exploring the potential weight & trauma imposed on Kacchan - once he learns that because of him (again), yet another hero CHOSE to sacrifice himself for him...well, doesn’t that become interesting. :’D (Especially when one of his values was victory with no casualties.) Looks like I’m glad to see the Japanese readers ruminating on that potential too. As Hori’s care allotted to Kacchan’s impact & real-estate, as promised for his most popular character, is going to be significant.

As for glorifying how sacrifice as a ‘good’ thing - when during 285, to me it wasn’t, cause if Kacchan role-reverses with Deku’s self-sacrificial trait all the way, even when Kacchan deliberately chooses it - he dies (bad). Or other heroes have to scramble to fix his loss. So there’s another unsaid theme (Toga parallel) that fully imitating or wanting to become like someone else destroys/kills your own identity/individuality. So moderation, seeing each other healthily half-way, supporting together instead of shouldering everything alone. All such important things (and themes!) to consider when Deku returns.

Anyway, “there is meaning to what is happening on the page and I am still on edge to see if Horikoshi can stick the landing for Bakugou” - yes I can totally relate to that and I honestly wish Hori the best. <3

[weabooweedwitch]

I really hope your pain lessens soon. What you’re going through is very difficult and you have every right to cry, feel angry, and resent the world. Soon this period of feelings will simmer away like a dying flame. It’ll take strength to embrace the world and all of its dark sides, but from what I can tell you’re a very strong person who’s more than capable of it. You are a person with many faucets and great creative energy. I truly appreciate everything you bring to this world, your dedication to art inspires me. Please stay safe<3

Oh gosh and here i thought I was done crying for the night ;u; I feel really shitty for uh well Having A Public Episode, kinda thought i was over having public mental crises on tumblr but, I guess, I dunno how to phrase this without sounding conceited, 'I guess most of you can tell I'm going through a lot of shit right now and hopefully will be mostly okay with the fact I brought up an extremely upsetting subject' but also I just. Feel really bad for making anyone really worried. I wonder if I should delete the posts and asks but also I feel like the conversation around it is important? Does thst make sense. I'm way too obsessed with how you guys probably see me after this, honestly, becuase it isn't like this is the first time I've needed some sort of help. I still feel bad for needing money when I was homeless. People gave money for Allister to get his surgery. And I internalize a lot of guilt whenever I need help and I guess that's part of the trauma i need to work through, somehow.

Anyways it also makes me really happy for you to bring to bring up like my creative hobbies and stuff too. I've been meaning to get back into my writing but I've also been wanting to pick up like, craft skills? Like my work was selling this little activity kits and I bought one for soap making and one for embroidering because I thought they would be fun to learn. And that's kind of something I feel like I should be trying to be pursuing more in my free time is how much I like to make art and create thing and I've kind of. Fallen into a hole a little bit. And I'm honestly starting to wonder if its because I'm forming a really horrible relationship with weed. I basically smoke before any pleasurable activity so I enjoy it more and sometimes I just sit and get so fucked up I wind up getting distracted and doing something else or I like, have to sleep, or, I spend too much time and have to go to work the next day or bed or whatever. And sometimes I say "oh ill smoke or drink before I write so im more inspired and like, yeah, it can help, but its gotten to the point where I refuse to try without and that's obviously. Not normal. I obviously inherited my father's addiction genes 💀💀💀

Wait i somehow circled back to being negative! Key points are im trying to do more things i enjoy even though I've been doing not so great mentally and I do enjoy creating things and sharing things and I hope to do some of that more in the future. Maybe I'll buy some paints and some small canvasses. I liked to paint when I was in the hospital because I didn't own any paints or materials to do so at home so it was fun to experiment and for some reason its like, a fond experience for me despite rhe fact I was in the big house

Oh god did I ever show you the time I like. Deadass painted Prospit and. What was rhe blue place. Either way that fucking dates me so hard. My cringe paintings from my fail childhood 🤣