#hopefully this essay is readable...

[glowettee]

Hi! I hope your day is going great. your blog is so pretty and your posts are really inspiring. I was wondering if you have any good book suggestions? 📚

thank you so much for your sweet message! i'm literally so happy you find my blog inspiring! book recommendations are one of my favorite things to share, so here are some reads that have totally changed my life, organized by category just for you:

✧ fiction ✧

• "normal people" by sally rooney (the way she writes relationships is sooo real)

• "the seven husbands of evelyn hugo" by taylor jenkins reid (glamour + heartbreak!)

• "little fires everywhere" by celeste ng (family drama at its finest)

• "circe" by madeline miller (mythology but make it feminist)

• "the midnight library" by matt haig (perfect for when you're feeling lost)

✧ fantasy fiction ✧

(i mostly read fiction, more so fantasy fiction, i'm such a huge fan of this genre)

• "the night circus" by erin morgenstern (magical + romantic in the best way)

• "a darker shade of magic" by v.e. schwab (parallel londons? yes please!)

• "uprooted" by naomi novik (dark fairy tale vibes that i'm obsessed with)

• "the invisible life of addie larue" by v.e. schwab (immortality with a twist)

• "ninth house" by leigh bardugo (dark academia meets magic at yale)

• "the starless sea" by erin morgenstern (underground library dreams)

• "piranesi" by susanna clarke (strange + beautiful + haunting)

✧ self-help + personal growth ✧

• "atomic habits" by james clear (literally changed how i build routines)

• "burnout" by emily + amelia nagoski (for when you're feeling overwhelmed)

• "the mountain is you" by brianna wiest (healing your self-sabotage!)

• "untamed" by glennon doyle (finding your inner voice)

• "buy yourself the f*cking lilies" by tara schuster (self-care that actually works)

✧ poetry + essays ✧

• "milk and honey" by rupi kaur (for your soft girl feelings)

• "the princess saves herself in this one" by amanda lovelace

• "trick mirror" by jia tolentino (essays that make you think)

• "salt" by nayyirah waheed (short poems that hit deep)

• "what kind of woman" by kate baer (feminine power on every page)

✧ academia + productivity ✧

• "deep work" by cal newport (how i get through finals week tbh)

• "make it stick" by peter c. brown (revolutionized my study methods)

• "digital minimalism" by cal newport (for when social media is too much)

• "how to do nothing" by jenny odell (because sometimes we need to just breathe)

• "grit" by angela duckworth (staying motivated when things get hard)

✧ cozy + comfort reads ✧

• anything by taylor jenkins reid (her characters feel like friends)

• "such a fun age" by kiley reid (so readable yet thought-provoking)

• "beach read" by emily henry (romance that doesn't feel cringey)

• "the house in the cerulean sea" by tj klune (like a warm hug in book form)

• "the secret history" by donna tartt (dark academia vibes)

hope these suggestions bring you as much joy as they've brought me! let me know if you read any of them, i'd love to hear your thoughts! just a little note: my favorite genres to read are fantasy, mystery and romance, and historical fiction as well, but i do try to broaden my genre-range, so this was a long list of books i've read in different genres, hopefully you can find some you'd like. <333

xoxo, mindy 🤍

[bleue-flora]

what's ur autism essay gonna be about new here

I am of the impression that c!dream is autistic and my essay goes into the reasons why I think that, what that means for the story, and why it makes sense narratively speaking. My first draft was over 2,000 words my second draft somehow ended up worse at just under 5,000 words and my current strategy is to break it into three parts to hopefully make it more concise and readable lol but am struggling a wee bit to put my thoughts into coherency in a way that’s not ages long but also covers things properly…

[catboybiologist]

you ever get like the most fucking amazing idea forca pieve of media but you know damn well you don't have the energy to properly realize it?

God yes. I literally have a monetary writing obligation from a kofi donation on Biologics that I physically have not had the time to finish. (I'm so sorry, I should finish something soon!). I have at least two ideas for massive video essay thingies I want to make, and I'm probably going to strip down the outlines of them to identify what I can leave out or leave for something else. I have at least two other ideas for stories beyond that, which are fully sketched out in my head, but 0 time or spoons to get them on a page and actually make them readable in any sense. I don't have the skill to implement any of these and make them good, and need to either make them crappy or get that skill, but that's also time investment.

I don't think most of this will see the light of day, but hopefully I'll get one or two of them out at some point. Taking a break from my PhD for a few months will help.

[explosionshark]

3 and 25

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Alright HERE'S where I'm gonna answer for series - I already had a separate answer for standalone books

1. The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik (Scholomance #3) - LOVED this conclusion to the Scholomance trilogy. I read books 1 and 2 during December 2022 and did 3 in the first week of January and it was one of the most satisfying conclusions to a series I've ever read. And I'm NOT just saying that bc it's the book where most of the gay shit happens. Leaving the school and having the world open up so much felt so good. I love Orion but having him out of the way for most of the book felt like a good choice to me - it made a lot of room for El's relationships with other characters and the role she decides to take on in the fight against mals. I remember at some point while I was reading the earlier books skimming past some essay or other identifying the Scholomance as like a climate change metaphor and being so puzzled by it - and then getting to the end of Golden Enclaves and being like OHHHH. YEAH. I GET IT.

2. Jade Legacy by Fonda Lee (Green Bone Saga #3) - AGAIN talk about satisfying conclusions. I know some people didn't like this book as much especially bc of issues they have with Hilo at the beginning but to me it all felt in character and didn't diminish anything about my enjoyment. I enjoy how often Lee takes the time to remind the audience that the characters are flawed and sometimes petty or foolish or cruel, even while you root for them. The scale of this book surprised me - SO much time passes, the characters and the world all change so much. I was genuinely shocked by some of the things that happened in this book. I've still got Jade Shards and The Jade Setter of Janloon to go, but man am I gonna be sad to say goodbye to this setting (at least for a while). Absolutely one of my all-time favorite fantasy series of all time now.

3. The Traitor by Anthony Ryan (Covenant of Steel #3) - honestly this could be any of the Covenant of Steel books. I just finished The Traitor this past weekend but this isn't a recency bias thing - I read The Pariah and The Martyr back to back in August. There's something I really love about Ryan's style - his characters are fucked up but compelling, his worlds feel accessible but still like they have depth and intricacy. I love his Seven Swords novellas and I'm constantly trying to get people to read them bc I think they're a great way to get a taste for his strengths as a writer and hopefully enough to whet your appetite for a more complex, in depth series like Covenant. The books are detailed and they definitely have some parts that can drag a little - but when you DO get hooked they're just propulsive. Super compelling low fantasy that builds and builds in really interesting ways. Great characters.

4. Before They are Hanged by Joe Abercrombie (First Law Book #2) - alright First Law is like TRUE grimdark. Seriously - the end of the final book was extremely brutal. Which is why book 2 ended up being my favorite of the first trilogy, actually. Before They are Hanged is the most straightforward adventure story of the bunch and it has a relatively optimistic ending. There are still gruesome and brutal things happening on the page (and frequently!) but there's such a strong sense of momentum building. The character work for Jezal in this book is so damn good - Abercrombie got me to do a full 180 on him here. (And a 360 by the third book lmao). Abercrombie is a masterful writer, the dark humor running through the story helps keep it readable when things get very bleak.

5. The Justice of Kings by Richard Swan (Empire of the Wolf #1) - another grimdark fantasy that whips ass tbh. Really great low fantasy setting. Something I really enjoyed in Empire of the Wolf books AND in the Covenant of Steel is the conflict between state power and religious power and how the people losing the most are the commons in the middle. Justice of Kings sets this up beautifully - I loved the way it slowly zooms out to this larger world-altering conflict after beginning the story as a sort of medieval fantasy murder-mystery. I also think the magic system is so cool and scary. The atmosphere in this book was incredible too - even just thinking back on it makes everything feel miserable and wet and tense despite the fact that as I write this it's kind of picturesquely sunny with white fluffy clouds outside for me. (I DO have to finish the follow-up book Tyranny of Faith, but I think I'll probably pull that off in January next year tbh)

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

I wanna continue on with more series! And I want to keep challenging myself with long books. I got some Tad Williams stuff in a humble bundle earlier this year, so I'm thinking of taking on Memory Sorrow and Thorn next year as a way to satisfy this desire. A little intimidated by the length but I think it could end up being v rewarding.

End of Year Book Asks

[the-land-of-eternal-winter-novel]

The masterpiece and her creator

~ A dystopian sci-fi retelling of the Galatea and Pygmalion myth ~

The following is only a rough first draft, initially told in the form of private messages to @stealingmyplaceinthesun (shoutout to her!) but slightly edited to be more readable. It still has some technical flaws but I believe the core of the story is very valuable. I set out to write a series of essays about this myth but ended up writing a short story first! It does apply at least some of the themes I wanted to approach in my essay series anyway (still upcoming!)

I believe the main thing about the Galatea and Pygmalion myth is the created being - creator relationship. Depending on how benevolent the creator is, a story based on this myth can be uplifting (Pinocchio) or tragic/ sinister (Frankenstein). There can even be subversions in which the Galatea figure rebels (Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion or the movie My Fair Lady). The myth can be taken literally or symbolically depending on how realistic the setting is. I believe both retellings and subversions have their place: the former expresses the beauty of knowing one's Creator - the latter expresses the horror of mortals thinking they can mold others into their image.

The following story is the latter. It may be very dark in its subtext and the setting may be dystopian, but it is ultimately a victorious story! Hopefully, you'll find that it expresses a very important truth.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Length: about 8k words [finished short story]

Synopsis: Galatea and her scientist are in love - or so she thinks. However, she becomes increasingly uneasy about this relationship, and one day, when she finally sneaks into his lab, she understands why. The shocking reveal sends her into an identity crisis: was she, like all the other clones, created just to be abused and discarded? Was there any higher purpose, or any other Creator than this evil scientist?

Trigger warnings: mentions of human trafficking, implied sexual abuse (absolutely nothing is described explicitly, however)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We set our scene in a huge metropolis on Venus. It is an autonomous city state, not affiliated to any one country, but more of a neutral space in between multiple nations. It's also the epitome of what Bunyan might label The City of Destruction or Vanity Fair. We zoom in to a very imposing tower, visible even through the thick orange Venusian atmosphere. The inside of the tower, however, is lush with various flowers and houseplants, and every wall is decorated with some of the finest and most expensive artwork. There is a greenhouse with Grecian architecture and decorations, such as columns and marble statues. The paintings on the walls are depictions of classic myths – often Renaissance artists, which are now themselves considered Ancient. There is a library, a sprawling maze of shelves, all filled with books and other media; classical music can be heard playing.

In contrast to all of this, there is a very wide floor dedicated only to the laboratories. The scientist closely inspects the DNA sequence on his computer and makes some minute changes, but smiles with satisfaction. The camera pans out and we see the entire lab, revealing dozens of incubators for clones, all female. Among them, his favourite, which he kept for himself, instead of giving her away to any of the (more than willing) clients.

This is what the daily life of Egor Artemievich looks like. Born and raised in the Lunar Republic of Peace, he found a very lucrative job in this Venusian metropolis. Publicly, he is a well-reputed geneticist; as an open secret, he’s the main supplier of one of the largest trafficking rings, his clients being amongst the elites of various space nations, including the president of the LRP himself. Needless to say, he is paid accordingly. He is not the hero of this story, no, not even the protagonist.

Enter Galatea, his favourite "creation". He gave her this name, thinking himself a Pygmalion, a tortured romantic. After decades of hard work, creating "perfect women" for men all over the Solar System, it's time he finally got his own! Galatea is finally taken from her incubator. Her body is that of a grown woman but, as far as she's concerned, this is her first day of life. The first day she opened her eyes to see the world around her! In the beginning, everything seemed novel, and so beautiful. The house was full of the most beautiful artwork. Her favourite was the greenhouse, where she and Egor often went for walks. She was very happy at first, seeing as she was surrounded by beauty, and, as she thought at the time, love. After all, this man looked at her with sheer adoration. He made her feel beautiful, too, telling her she looks like a goddess among those marble statues in their garden. She thought she loved him too. After all, he brought her into this world, and he gave her a perfect life, showering her with affection.

In the beginning, she didn't understand any of the words he said, but it really helped that he talked to her so often, as she was able to pick up the language rather seamlessly. He was absolutely delighted, if not a little amused at hearing her first words. She learned his name, and also learned her own. As they lay in bed before sleep, he'd read her from his many books, and she was enraptured by the words, their meanings, the stories, their heroes. At the time she thought she only loved hearing the sound of Egor's voice.

One night (that is, when he turned off the ambiental lighting so that they could mimic a day and night cycle), reading from his favourite book, the one about ancient myths, she asked:

"Are you Pygmalion?"

"Ah, darling, this is only fiction" he laughs.

"If I'm your Galatea, are you my Pygmalion?" she asked again?

He looked at her as if surprised she was capable of understanding allegory and other such literary devices, but then his expression changed to sheer pride, and he said "I am!".

She delighted in knowing that she was made to be the superlative woman. The most beautiful, the most lovely, why, perfection incarnate. Her heart was also warmed by the knowledge that she was Egor's dream girl. That her creator made her the ideal object of his love. She spent every night with her lover, and her every day in the library or in the garden. Her life was bathed in beauty. If her home ever seemed repetitive to her, she lived through thousands of worlds of imagination. She wondered if it was all real, if the world beyond those pages, those four walls was real at all, or if they were all figments of Egor's infinite creativity.

He was usually gone all day with his lab work, not that she knew, let alone understood, what any of it was about. She was never bored in his absence, as she had all that art to admire, especially lifetimes worth of literature to read. Sometimes, on very long days, however, she wondered why her lover couldn't spend every moment with her, and, but oh, perish the thought! She even wondered whether there was an even more wondrous world beyond their home! If it was all real, then the world was an unending well of wonders! How she longed to see all of that, too! But she waited for his return with the same excitement every night. Then, she felt she would be forever grateful even if she never saw anything besides this house, and Egor's face, for as long as she may live.

Now that she had tens of thousands of words in her, she wondered how exactly to describe her love for Egor. The first word that came to mind was "worship". After all, if he created her, what was he, but a god? But the more she read, the more confused she became. In the stories she read, people usually came to the world by being born, that they had a mother and a father. It's usually a mother who carried them and gave birth to them. She had not yet seen another woman. She learned enough from her books, however, to understand that it was only women who could give birth. Yet, she had no mother, she only had Egor. Through whichever magical means that he created her, at any rate, if he was the one who brought her into this world, what was he if not her... father?

In the beginning, she thought he was her lover. But in all her books, except for the one containing the very myth she was named after, lovers were usually both mortals, and usually not from the same family. And, it was the case that at least one child would result from their union. But a little over two years had passed since she opened her eyes and met Egor, and she had not yet become pregnant. And even when the gods in those stories took a young nymph, they left her with child. If a god was he, Egor was very unusual. The exceptional nature of their relationship became increasingly apparent, and she didn't yet know what to do with this knowledge. She pondered upon the idea of family, which seemed like a universal constant in every story. She wished she had parents. Well, she had Egor, but... in all those stories, the love of a father always looked so different from that of a husband...

She wished she knew what it was like to be a child. Or, at the very least, she wished she was capable of bringing a child into this world, herself. She almost began to resent Egor for these two things that he denied her. But then, she rebuked herself for her ungratefulness, as she probably just wished for fictitious fantasies, when she already had everything she could ever need to be happy in life, right before her eyes. She held back her doubts for a little longer, but she could feel it gnaw at her insides. Her sleep would be disturbed. Her dreams would obsessively bring back the memories of everything she had read. In her dreams they all seemed so much realer than the four walls she lived inside. In one dream, she saw Egor and herself again. But she looked like a child, and he was holding with one arm, a book in his other hand, teaching her to read. "I want to be an artist just like you when I grow up, daddy" she said, and he gently kissed the top of her head. Galatea woke up in a cold sweat. Another recurring dream was her and Egor, in their usual appearance. But this time, she was holding a child in her arms. The little baby was cooing and squealing joyfully. Egor gently extended his finger towards the baby, and she grabbed it with her tiny hand.

When she woke up from such dreams, she felt genuine anger just seeing Egor's face again. What was wrong with her?! She had only ever experienced happiness until recently? Was too much knowledge making her haughty?? Ungrateful?! She was afraid to tell Egor any of this, lest he forbid her from reading her books. But the most common dream was of her kneeling at a marble statue of Egor, her trembling hands bringing incense at his feet. She never felt so much sheer terror as in those dreams. But Egor never did anything to hurt her! After all, he loved her! There was nobody in the universe who loved her like he did. Oh, but she wished there was anybody else at all! She wished for a mother, a father, for a baby, for a friend! But then what would Egor be to her? Her lover, her god? She wished he would sometimes treat her like he was neither of these.

"Oh, ingrate that I am!" she rebuked herself. She was made to be loved after all. Did she wish to be treated with indifference instead?! But then again, all she ever read pointed to the existence of more than one type of love. Was it just that she had gotten bored? Or was it that she doubted the goodness of her circumstances? After all, in all her books, there were people who had no lover, but had family and friends, but there wasn't anybody who utterly lacked anything, except a lover.

Lonely.

She felt agonisingly lonely. But how dare she?! Egor offered her everything she might ever wish for! And without him she would've never existed to witness all this beauty. She stifled her doubts once more, and decided her cure is becoming an artist, herself. If her Egor was an artist, and brought her into a beautiful world of art, it's only natural that she follows in his footsteps. She took to painting, sculpting, singing, playing instruments, even writing her own stories. Though her artistic endeavours were very mediocre at first, they made her feel at peace again. So it was for a couple more months.

Until one day, curiosity overcame her, despite her filling her days to the brim so that she didn’t get bored. It seems this was her hubris: she will never be satisfied. And so, one morning she sneakily followed Egor from behind, hoping to see what his daily endeavours are. She caught a glimpse of his lab. She had never seen anything like this, though she may perhaps have read a description of it in one of her books. She was hidden behind the door, when she suddenly heard a voice that wasn't Egor's. It was another man; a very demanding and impatient tone. Egor talked to this man, clearly in a negotiation process, and eventually they shook hands. Then, through the very narrow opening, Galatea was able to faintly make out the scene before her. There was a third person in the room. Galatea couldn't believe her eyes. It was the first time she had seen a fellow woman. Egor took the woman and guided her towards the other man, who forcefully took her hand, and both were out of the room in no time. Galatea didn't yet know why she was uneasy, but the scene sent chills through her spine. She stepped back, wanting to return to her room without a sound, but, all of a sudden, Egor came towards her and opened the door in a swift motion, which startled her. He put his hand on her mouth lest she screamed. She looked in his eyes, terrified.

"What are you doing here?!" he whispered in a harsh tone. She had never seen such a severe look on his brow.

"I'm sorry!" she whispered, voice trembling.

"You're lucky nobody else saw you!"

"Why...?" She was ashamed to even look him in the eyes. "Is this some sort of secret?"

Egor sighed a world-weary sigh. "I didn't want to have to tell you this"

Galatea felt her heart pounding. One second she learns there are other people in the world besides her and Egor, and now she has to hear whatever worse news he has to bring.

"The world outside is an evil place that I wanted to protect you from, my dear" he said very firmly, still frowning. Doubt flashed in her eyes. Yes, she read of all kinds of evils in her books, too, but the world at large seemed such a beautiful place. Was there anything wrong with her that would incite their hatred?

"Who was that woman?" she eventually asked.

"Don't you worry, Galatea, I don't have anybody else besides you. "

"That's not what I asked." She frowned slightly, despite herself. "I didn't know there were other people in this house except the two of us"

"Well, there aren't any people in here, to be sure" he chuckled lightly. "This is my lab. That's where I work everyday"

"I thought you were an artist!"

"I am" he said, beaming with pride. "What else do you call this?"

Galatea suddenly caught a glimpse of the incubators. There were women and girls of different ages in each of them.

"These aren't statues..." she remarked, not knowing what else she could say to the shocking sight. "They seem too alive to be just statues."

"You have a sharp eye!"

"What are they doing here, though... you said there were no people here, and yet-"

"These are my projects, dear. Clones, if you're ever heard that word before"

She had, but she never imagined they might exist in real life. She instinctively covered her mouth. She felt nauseous all of a sudden. These women, or whatever they may have been, looked just like her. Sure, they might've have had different features, but they still looked like fellow women, and not the sort of fantastical creature she might have imagined. They certainly didn't look lifeless, or anything other than human. Then, all her internal conflict hit her again. Her lack of childhood, of parents, family... Egor implying the outer world would hate her... Him saying he created her... Feeling the room spinning around her, she asked:

"What am I?!"

"You're my Galatea, of course"

"Am I a clone?!" she pressed, her voice now raspy and her eyes furious.

Egor closed in and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You're different"

"So am I a real woman then?"

"No. I made you, just like I made all of these. But they're just for the clients. I kept the best for myself: truly, the most beautiful and lovely woman in the universe. You're like a goddess among these dolls. Anybody would want you, but I chose you for myself. I made you the woman of my dreams, or even better than that! So don't compare yourself to them, they could never compete with perfection! I've loved you since I first imagined you; only I get to adore you. Galatea, you're my masterpiece!"

A slight variation on his usual love declarations. Why did it all of a sudden stop feeling so loving, but suddenly felt terrifying to hear him call her his "masterpiece"? She should be grateful. She bit her lip painfully. She should be grateful, she kept thinking to herself. She suppressed bitter tears and went back to her bedroom. He eventually went to bed, too. She practically recoiled away from him. It was the first time she ever refused his advances. She could feel the coldness in eyes as he changed his expression.

"See? This is why I didn't want you to trouble yourself with serious matters such as my work" he scoffed.

"What will happen to these other clones? Where was that girl earlier going?" she asked firmly, still turned away.

"To their respective lovers, of course"

"The way that man yanked her away didn't seem very loving" she said in a biting tone, briefly looking back at him.

"I already prefaced all of this by saying the world is a cruel place! What did you expect? Life isn't fair! You're very privileged to be with me."

Hearing her own guilty conscience echoed through his voice struck her through the heart like a spear. Maybe she really was being ungrateful. None of these thoughts, however, made her any more eager to get anywhere near him. She felt betrayed, whether she had the right to or not. She couldn't help bursting into tears.

"Seriously, Galatea, this is so unlike you." he said, exasperated. "I guess tonight is ruined, then. Talk to me tomorrow, when you're in a better mood"

She started crying even harder, shocked by the coldness of the one who normally treated her with nothing but love and tenderness. She spent the following months trying to further suppress her disquiet and dissatisfaction. She desperately tried to convince herself Egor was still in love with her. If anything, she was trying to convince herself, more than anything. She read ceaselessly, she immersed herself in her art. She read literary and art criticism, art history and eventually general history. She got a better idea of which of her beloved stories were factual and which weren't. She discovered the real dates of publication for those books. She read and re-read the books she was most moved by.

In the past, books only brought her joy. Now, there were some stories which made her weep bitterly. One such story was about one Dr. Frankenstein. She read the narrative of the creature as if they were her own secret thoughts. She laughed cynically at how she used to think she's the beloved Galatea, when she was just Dr. Artemiev's Creature all along. She then felt ashamed of thinking of Egor that way, of being so ungrateful as to accuse him of not loving her, the masterpiece of his creation. But she couldn't help but relate to how the creature felt lonely and abandoned by his maker, even despised.

Oh, how many types of love she found in her books! She could no longer label the relationship between her and Egor using beautiful words. Was he her lover? Her god? Her father? If love was what he showed her, it was deeply conditional. Perhaps he'd have preferred her to never think for herself and just be his beautiful statue again. The love he had for her, was it really different than that of the other clones and their so-called lovers? A new word came to her mind. Lust.

Would Egor ever sacrifice anything for her sake, like the heroes in all the love stories she knew? What was her being the superlative woman in all the universe worth, if she was treated the same as the others?! He never said she was a real woman. He explicitly acknowledged she's a clone just like the others. And he clearly didn't see them as people either, so why would she be any different? She began studying the sciences. She tried to understand how she was made. Combined with the stories on this topic she had read, she began to feel that perhaps, despite Egor's phony praises, she's nothing but the copy of a real woman that once existed. She felt both resentment against him and fear that he will eventually stop loving her once he creates a better version of his ideal lover. She felt almost desperate to convince him to keep loving her. Some days she hated him. Some days she resented that he brought her to life. But she still felt she needed him to love her.

"How do I become a real woman?" she asks him one night.

"You can't" he says calmly, caressing her hair. "But you don't have to become one. You're better than any woman could ever be"

"I want to stop feeling like an impostor. Do I even have a soul or am I just a copy of your favourite actress?"

"Ah, honey, you're reading too many stories, really. There's no such thing as a soul. This life is all we have. We don't have any time to waste on tears, doubts or regrets. You'd better find a way to be happy instead of wasting your time with existential questions. And you're more than a copy of some other woman, anyway. I'm an expert in this, I know how to manipulate genes to get the desired results. That alone makes you very unique. The rest of us get random genes, unpredictable reiterations of the same matter, over millions of years. You get to be carefully crafted! If that doesn't make you unique, I don't know what does"

She doesn't find the answer satisfactory, but cannot articulate why. She becomes increasingly despondent and depressed, and barely even bothers to confront or oppose Egor at all. However, she contemplates running away more and more. She even fantasises setting the whole building on fire. She reads and re-reads her beloved books. She wishes she had a mother, so that she could have somebody to run to for half a year, just like Persephone to her mother Demetra. But unlike Persephone, she wasn't even kidnapped, but, in fact, tailor-made for this prison. Why does she, then, feel she was made for spring? Made for life? For something greater?!

‘Lover’ – what an irritating euphemism! ‘Prostitute’ – now, that's a more accurate word. That's what she was made for, but Egor found her more beautiful than the other clones, presumably. "He has no love for me, only lust" she keeps thinking, then feeling guilty. Why does every thought against him feel like rebellion, like blasphemy? But if there's no such a thing as a soul, why even bother? Might as well waste this short life being Egor's "lover". She kept getting angrier. No, he wouldn't even marry her. That would entail her being legally recognised as a person, which she clearly wasn't. But he pretends love needs no labels, no certificates. She feels like tearing her hairs out and indeed she manages to pull a few strands. In any other story, the author might have clearly labeled their relationship as incestuous. Even the ancients thought of it as scandalous! But Egor only thinks of it as a tragic, forbidden, star-crossed romance. And indeed, if there's no god to judge all of this, then who is she to label any of this as immoral? Who is she to feel mistreated? After all, Egor created her to love her, not to hate her or mistreat her. Maybe she really should feel grateful... But when she thought of the notion that there may not be any god except Egor himself, she felt she was going insane. Life would have no meaning then. But if this life is all there is, why waste it with somebody who will soon no longer love her anymore – if what he did so far may even be labeled love?!

One night she found a way to sneak outside. The elevator to the lower levels felt like it took an eternity. She eventually reached some tunnels. She had never seen such grime and felt such a strong smell as when she reached the slums. People were begging, ragged and wounded. She thought she even saw a corpse. People were fighting some distance away. Not long afterwards, somebody tried to rob her, ripping her pocket off her coat, only to find it empty. She ran away until she reached another elevator. She got to a building on the surface, but soon discovered that everybody who went outside put on a special suit, which she didn't have, and had no idea how to acquire. Through the window, she could see that the atmosphere was thick, almost impenetrable, and a deep orange hue. Far from her beautiful garden, it seemed like a perpetual desert. All the books she read about featured a blue sky, seas, rivers, trees!!! But alas, that was on Earth! Now it's long gone, and humanity ended up here! The fools they were, to leave their planet-wide garden to begin with!

She felt a pang in her conscience. Maybe she should've never left. Maybe Egor really was doing her a favour. On her way back to the elevator, she saw a trampled, dusty book on the floor and couldn't help but be intrigued. She took it, hid it and returned home. She put the book away from her usual library, not wanting Egor to question her reading choices again. When she arrived, Egor met her with an icy glare so sharp it could've stabbed her.

"Look who's crawling back home! Do you believe me now?! You're lucky you made it alive down there!"

As terrified and disappointed as she was to see the world outside, and as relieved as she was to come back to safety and comfort, his words hurt her so much she almost wanted to go back there in that instant, even if it meant getting killed by the first person she runs into. She couldn't help but think that if Egor really loved her, really cared about her in any way, he would've come looking for her, instead of being angry and condescending. He didn't even ask whether she was hurt. And at night he dared make advances on her despite all of this? She felt she could strangle him then and there. But she just went to her library and slept there, on the floor. Any time she asserted herself, she was plagued with doubt. What made her think she had the right to feel wronged? After all, nobody ever thought she was a person at all, not even Egor who, on his better days, utterly idolised her.

What makes real humans better, though? Just the fact that they're made by Mother Nature, as opposed to in a lab, by a man with a dubious definition of love? But if normal humans are just a product of random chance, how are they more valuable at all? Life itself seemed meaningless to her. She resented it, and resented the one who brought her into it. Something in her told her that what Egor was doing was evil, but she had no basis to justify that on. Her books? Her ideals, her hopes of what reality may be, but clearly isn't? She knew she had no escape. The outside world was too dangerous, and too ugly to be worth the risk. The world inside was beautiful, but fake. She began to dream of nothing but revenge. If she ever hoped for any peace, it would be if she did away with Egor.

She resumed her normal routine, pretending to be happy and to love Egor, perhaps even lying to herself about it, but the resentment was ever growing. He was oblivious to her pain, willfully so. The only thing he ever cared about was his own pleasure, and the only thing she was ever created for was just this. She woke in the middle of the night, troubled by the same nightmares over and over, and to add insult to injury, she had to see the face from her nightmares lying right beside her. One night, she quietly took her pillow and pressed it against his face. She could feel a rush of adrenaline, like a sudden flashing vision of a life where she could finally be free. But as she noticed him struggling, her blood ran cold, and she felt a pit in her stomach. For all her desire for revenge, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She turned back to her side of the bed, pretending to be sound asleep. It seemed like he didn't even notice.

The next days went as usual. However, she felt terribly conflicted. She had just tried to kill him… was she now any less evil than him?! What even was evil, anyway? Her intuition said both murder and exploitation are wrong. He probably deserved to die, especially for creating all these other women just to be abused. And for having the gall to act like he loved her, and she was somehow special. But killing him, deserved as it would be, felt like it would mean the death of her, too. Because nobody can kill their creator and survive. Maybe she did have too much hubris to begin with... Why should she continue to worship the man she had come to hate? He's certainly no god, no real god anyways. His hubris is even more egregious than hers! But oh, how she feared that, even after he died, she would never be free from him! Hidden in her library as she always was, she started crying bitter tears. None of her usual books could console her. Out of mere curiosity, she grabbed the battered, dirty book she had picked off the ground when she visited the outer world. "The Bible". She had read many references to it in her books. It seemed like one of the more ancient mythologies.

She didn't even read further than the first 3 chapters before bursting into tears again. "When the first woman disobeyed her God, she was clothed instead!" she thought, as she held back sobs. She wiped her eyes with her fists and continued reading. She locked herself in the library for days until she finished. By the end, she found herself desperately wishing this story were true. Out of all mythologies from Earth, this seemed the kindest. On the inner back cover, she found a link to some sort of organisation, "the Daughters of Heaven". Curiosity gnawed at her for the following days.

One night, she snuck to the lab and used one of the computers to access that mysterious link. It seemed like an organisation combating human trafficking. This seemed suspicious, maybe even dangerous, given her predicament. And somebody threw that book away, after all, until multiple people trampled it. Maybe she shouldn't trust it at all – it seemed too good to be true. But she had no other escape whatsoever, so she looked into it further. She read many of their resources, learning things she found so hard to believe, such as the fact that the members of this religion had an official doctrine about the humanity of clones, among other things. She read further into it, regardless.

She was impressed by their humanising view of beings such as herself, but couldn't help but expect there to be a catch. She hoped the things they were saying were true as she hoped that book she just read was true. She quietly closed the computer, erasing all traces of her activity. She continued this throughout the following weeks. She stopped at some point, fearing Egor may grow suspicious. She started re-reading the book she found, however, still intrigued. The care this God showed towards the humans He made never failed to move her to tears. She remembered how much she wished Egor loved her in any way at all, not just lusted after her. And in this story, the Creator loved humanity, though the evils they committed were appalling. She found the various comments into human nature very insightful. Combined with that website's insistence that clones are real human beings too, she, for the first time in her life, began to think of herself as such, even if as a mere thought experiment.

Everything that could be said of human beings in that book, was true of her too. If the book told the truth, it meant there was some God out there who considered her as a human being made in His image, despite everything. On the other hand, if the book told the truth, it also meant that her natural impulses were inclined towards evil. She could confirm this, too. She could still feel the pit in her stomach as she remembered trying to kill Egor. But the first murderer in this Book? Instead of being struck from the heavens for his crimes, he was deliberately protected by God. She remembered how, when she tried to kill Egor, she thought and, even hoped that she was finally killing her god, who had oppressed her. But in this Book, people killed their actual God, who had loved them all along. Yet the universe wasn't blown to smithereens as punishment. None of those people were killed for their crime. And their God defeated death itself?! Everything seemed too good to be true. Yes, this was the most beautiful story she had read, but that's exactly why she couldn't dare hope in its veracity. But the more she read, the more she began to see that all other stories she ever read seemed to point back to it, even those who predated it. She thought there must, then, be something fundamental in the human psyche that is expressed in these books, since it's so widespread. A universal desire for a home that isn't here. Oh, how she longed for life to be more than just the here and now, how she longed for God to be more than a mere scientist in his lab!

The God in this book didn't exploit His creation, but instead came to Earth as a human and experienced unimaginable hardship and death. Why? This flew against anything she had ever read. If a God has everything in the universe He could ever need, why subject Himself to any of that pain?! To save humanity from its own hubris?! Any other god would've promptly struck them dead, Fate screaming "I told you so!". This could only mean this God thought humanity worth saving, worth dying for. So this is what true love looks like? She realised this is everything she had ever wished Egor would be. A God with the power to actually create something new, not just copy it. One who is like a Heavenly Father, caring for His children. One who made His bride pure. One who offers eternal life, instead of a flimsy promise of temporary pleasures. She wished this was true! She hoped it was true! But it seemed too beautiful… Then again, it seemed too beautiful to be made up, either. All the other mythologies reflected the evil of humanity in their gods.

She was in doubt for many days, finding it hard to sleep or to eat. Egor was very busy during this time of the year, which finally allowed her to be away from him for a while. She locked herself in her library and continued reading like her life depended on it. She hoped to find an answer to her existential questions once and for all. Just searching for these answers gave her purpose, and hope that she didn't previously have. She couldn't shake her doubts, however, and was still rather distressed, even when she was able to sleep in her library away from Egor. She feared that all of this was just wishful thinking, and that she'll go through all of this ideological change, but still never escape her predicament, and have her hopes in vain.

But then, she thought about the most important difference between the God from that book and everything she had known before. This God chose to create humanity despite knowing beforehand that humans would not choose Him back, that they would flagrantly reject Him and even try to kill Him. This was not only a God willing to die to save humanity, but also a God willing to give humanity free will even if that meant enduring rejection the likes of which we may never imagine. And God, unlike Egor, genuinely loved His creation with the purest love! And they still turned their backs on Him. Whereas mere humans who would hope to be worshipped cannot take no for an answer. Egor's adoration turned to contempt the second she showed any independent thinking from his own, the moment she didn't unquestioningly accept his selfish "love". All the other deities in mythology created humanity for ultimately self-serving reasons, always expecting something from them. She became convinced that this worldview must be true. But if it was true, then it meant what it said about human nature was true as well. Indeed, she had evil inclinations in her, too, which she needed to give up. Part of her still wanted revenge, and still wanted to save herself leaving everyone else to burn. But if she was created in God's image, it meant she could no longer live selfishly. For the first time, she prayed. And for the first time, she worshipped a God that she didn't see.

She was at peace that she could finally escape her prison, even if she never made it out alive. Of course, she still hoped to escape, physically, too. So, as soon as she had the opportunity, she sent a message to that organisation, hoping against all hope that they might receive it. She described her situation in great detail, including the layout of Egor's lab, the exact number of incubators and clones etc. The days of waiting were torturous. Egor tried to make advances on her, but she locked herself in her library, anxiously searching for a hiding place. He would often taunt her and try to pressure her, making her feel guilty for abandoning him, or making fun of her for letting her existential crisis ruin the mood.

In a much steadier tone, as one certain he is in full control of the situation, Egor finally told her: "You may think you can run and hide away but I know you'll eventually come crawling back like you always do!"

She was ready to try running away even if he killed her. But she couldn't help but think of the clone women trapped in the incubators. Her heart in her throat, she went to the computer one last time during the night, and she had received a reply from the Daughters of Heaven. They told her a time and place for their rescue operation. Even the morning of that day, she still wondered whether it was all a scam, but she went ahead as though she had nothing to lose. She was determined to finally be free, and, should the Daughters stay true to their word, free her fellow clones, too.

She woke Egor up.

"I'm leaving"

Still not fully awake, he laughed.

"I finally know who I am. And I know who you're not. I cannot be your lover anymore."

Seeing the uncharacteristic determination in her eyes, he got out of bed, startled, and looked at her incredulously. "Yeah? What is it that you finally learned? Read too many books again?"

"It is you who gave me the library, isn't it?"

"Well…" he sighed. "Maybe that's my hubris, isn't it? I'm a lover of the arts. All you did was imitate me."

"You may have tried to build me in your image, but you failed. You're no god, Egor Artemievich! I shall no longer worship you nor obey you!"

"I created you!" he said, finally getting irritated. "You're my masterpiece!"

"I was created in the image of God. A real God, an eternal one, who loves His creation instead of seeking to exploit it!"

"How have I ever exploited you?! Do you know how other clones like you end up?! You definitely got lucky by being my lover!"

"Human beings are not created for the sexual gratification of others! We are created to worship God, our true creator, and live with Him in eternity!"

"I don't know where you got your hands on religious propaganda books, but don't think this will somehow help you. Run away if you want! See if you survive out there! See if you find anybody as kind to you as I was! Convincing yourself there's a God won't save you from the cruelties of the outer world!"

"You're an active part of those cruelties! You create clones in your lab just to sell as prostitutes!"

"Yes, they're only clones!"

"I'm only a clone, too! But I'm just as human as you are!"

Egor looked at her visibly offended. He suddenly changed his tone. "Honey, you're different. I made you my perfect Galatea, my lover, my muse, my masterpiece! I could never see you the same as them!"

"You already do! I'm not your Galatea, and you're not my Pygmalion"

Egor dropped to his knees, looking increasingly desperate and crazed. "You can't do this to me, you can't leave me! I love you, I've always loved you since the first day I imagined you. I've waited so many years until I got to hold you in my arms! I'll never find a woman as perfect as you!"

"I'm sure you're already making a replacement" she frowned.

"You'll never find somebody like me either! This world will devour you!" he said through clenched teeth, holding onto her legs.

She struggled to free herself and started running towards the lab. He followed suit, and stopped in his tracks, frozen in shock, when he saw his lab completely emptied out.

"You betray me and now you ruin me too?! I should've known you've found yourself a new lover. Which of my rivals was it?!" he screamed at her so furiously that he seemed like a growling beast. "I can take you out of this world just as easily as I brought you into it!!!"

She ran with all her might and narrowly escaped him, going through the same route as the last time. She sprinted through the slums fearlessly, compared to the last time, and didn't stop until she reached the boarding station. She found the spaceship she was told about in the message, and went to it, not resting until she finally saw the doors closing and the ship taking off. The deep orange clouds eventually dissipated, giving way to the dark expanse of space. Only distant starts were visible, as they got further and further from Venus. Galatea finally sighed in relief. Another ship flew ahead of them.

"That's where they boarded the incubators" said one of the women on the ship. "We managed to rescue all of them"

"Thank you! I didn't think I'd make it out alive" Galatea said as she started crying, this time tears of happiness. "Thank you so much!"

"Admittedly, we first feared it was a trap, receiving a message from the lab of such a high-profile trafficker as Dr Artemiev, but we felt it was worth the risk. And we came prepared in case things went awry." said another one of the women.

"How did you learn about us?" asked the first.

"When I first tried to run away, I found your contact information in this trampled old Bible. It's the only possession I was able to take with me as I ran away now. I really believe God sent you my way"

The two hugged her as Galatea gently wiped away her tears.

Epilogue

Several weeks have passed; they reached a designated safe station where they could further organise their trip. The legal team came to help Galatea write her documents.

"Now you have the opportunity to choose a name and surname for yourself, if you were never given one"

"He called me Galatea, but I would like to keep my name. It's important to remember where I came from. And as a surname I'd like to choose Buratinova"

"Are you sure? Isn't that a children's book character?"

"Yes. It ironically contrasts the pompous aura of my more mythological first name. And what better fictional character to choose, than the little doll who wanted to become a real boy, and be reunited with his loving father, the carpenter?"

"Very well then, ma'am" smiled the lawyer. "You are henceforth Ms Buratinova".

They managed to find other identifying information about her, such as who the woman whose DNA was initially copied to make her was. She lived in the previous century. It was a surreal feeling for Galatea to learn this, as well as who the parents of her "twin sister", as she called her, were. She was thus able to identify some biological relatives. While she kept their contacts in case she ever needed them, she chose to stay with the Daughters of Heaven for the moment. During the first weeks after her escape, she received increasingly disturbing news about the incident. Seeing the vile opinions people publicly expressed about her on international news really disturbed her, making her relive some of her worst memories. She feared that the Daughters might be under attack because of her. A common sentiment in the Venusian press and not only was: "Men, watch out! Not even your clone women will stay loyal anymore".

"That's just what Egor told me as I left. That I'd somehow found another lover!" Galatea said.

"It goes on to show what he saw your purpose in life as" said the fellow Daughter.

Not long afterwards, news of Egor's death, who had allegedly committed suicide, reached them, alongside inflammatory headlines blaming it on Galatea.

"Don't let their press intimidate you. This was no lover taking his life over a broken heart, this is a political assassination. He was an LRP citizen, as well as their main supplier. They can't have the populace aware of corruption of this size, so they shift the focus on the interpersonal conflict between the two of you. Such things have happened in the past and they unfortunately continue to happen." said her friend.

"There was once a time I wanted to kill him with my own hands... But I've long abandoned my plans of revenge. I wish it didn't end this way… What a wretched man! Up until the very end, despite everything he had done, he still believed he was worthy of worship." Galatea said in a sad voice. "He's been haunting my nightmares ever since I was still with him. I can't wait to be completely free from him..."

"I think reading the news is doing you more harm than good" reassured her friend, gently. "Let's not let all of this mar our victory. You're safe now, and you're free. Not only that, you saved dozens of lives, too!"

"It's the least I could do. When I was still there, I hoped to burn the whole place down. Only later did I start thinking that these girls need rescuing too. I'm not a hero. But I did my duty towards them."

"Nevertheless, this is a huge step in the emancipation of clones"

Galatea smiled. "I hope so... I still can't believe you actually established an actual doctrine out of this."

"That was a long time ago!" the friend laughed. "The bigger fight is getting governments to comply. That'll take a long time. But all we can do is help one person at a time. You know that verse - whatever you do unto the least of these..."

"Yeah, you're right" Galatea smiled as she wiped a last tear.

THE END

[cryptid-kay]

How I Write

BEHOLD another post about writing.

I actually had this idea a while ago, but wasn't sure exactly how to go about it. Still aren't so we're just gonna put it all here and hopefully it's readable.

So how I write.

The backstory [skip if you want]:

During my college years, I had a wonderful professor in my advanced comp class who introduced us to the idea that we all wrote differently. Not just in words, but in process. This idea was revolutionary. Why? Because I grew up with the whole "you must outline on paper your essay and write for me all the bullet points and I must SEE how you're going to logically make this make sense before you ever begin."

I hated it. Hated essays.

Then this random man who always wore bowties on Wednesdays and shamelessly pushed us to do our best, not to meet deadlines or grades, appeared in my life. Sorry, no, he wasn't the doctor, but bowties ARE still cool.

What I learned, however, is that every person has a different process. I specifically, for essays, draft in my head, sometimes I sticky note draft for multiple sources, and then I write it all down and revise. Some of my classmates would just write it down and revise over and over and over.

But this is all background, because what I want to talk about specifically is my process of novelling. I have lots of people ask me how I can churn out a 50-100K novel in about 1-2 months, and my goal with this post is to both answer that, and also to remind people that my process does not have to be your process. [end of backstory]

So this is how I write.

Conception of the Idea This is the part that I can't really attribute a process to. Inspiration and ideas come to me in various ways. Short stories are easiest because I can just take a trip into pinterest and find a few interesting images which inspire me to write, but for novels, the idea really needs to stick. I wish I could outline a process here as this is probably the part most authors struggle with, but unfortunately...I just listen to lots of music, read lots of books, and scroll pinterest a lot and sometimes I get an idea.

Planning/Plotting THIS however, this part I can begin to explain. So, I have an idea. It's a good one. I'm going to say this now: I do not usually know how my books are going to end when I start writing. I do not plot. Except I do. My process for planning is one of two: The first: I do not plan anything except preliminary details (i.e. MC's name, role in the story, who the major characters are, first point of conflict). Once I have these I will write a scene and then another scene and I let the character's drive the story. This works well when I'm embarking on a really large project that I want to explore but am not 100% sure I can commit to, and for original fiction this is usually the route I go to discover if an idea will stick. The second: This is a process I tend to use for "stuck" ideas or more fleshed out ones. I also use this during rewriting and would like to use it more during my real writing and I find it eases some of the pitfalls of the more pantser method I had been using. In this second method I will begin with my stakes, my characters, and their motivations. Decide who wants what and what stands in the way of it. This is best done after fleshing out my characters, but can be applied to characters I haven't fully explored as it grants a starting point. Once I've nailed down the stakes, I figure out first how my MC is going to react, then how this is going to get them into trouble. Basically creating for myself a method of raising the stakes through the story. Subplots often crop up here, and sometimes parallel stories. After I finish all of this planning, this is where I start the writing. 3. Drafting Alright, this is where the process gets funnn. This is where we start writing. My process here is pretty simple. I will take a day or two to plan out a chapter in my head. Then I put it on paper. Sometimes it comes out different, but usually as long as I adhere to the major beats of the story, everything is fine. This also helps me break up my stories into chapters that flow into one another. I almost always leave off a chapter either after a major event, in the middle of one, or setting up for one. I treat them like mini short stories of about 2-3K with something important happening in each, even if it's importance isn't clear until the end of the story. I write linearly, so that means start to finish, but by planning out and then writing, I can usually complete a chapter in a writing session. (I plan to write about an hour on my writing days). I admit I do not write daily. I find it burns me out, but I do swap between planning days and writing days, and if I get an idea, I'll write notes. This process is both the simplest, and takes the longest, usually around 30-60 days for about 50-100K. This is in part due to the speed of my writing (around 50-75 wpm), and the fact I plan so I have a clear vision of my chapters before I write them making the writing process faster for me. It also prevents me from burning out so I can write more in a condensed period of time. 4. Revising - Round One I found after rewriting Half Crown last year a new method of revision, which requires some tedium, but ultimately I enjoyed it and am working it into my process. It begins with, while the book is either being alpha read, or just sitting in my folders, I go through the whole book and make a spreadsheet. This spreadsheet is a chapter by chapter breakdown of scenes including: the summary of the scene, characters present, motives, and the major stakes. I also sometimes add notes for things I want to change. This scene breakdown for me was really useful because I could see an easy to read cohesive breakdown, and as a I was summarizing I could find area's to improve the impact of later scenes, current scenes, or spot inconsistencies I'd accidentally worked in. It also helped me keep motive solid thorughout

[collsfilmblog]

Blog Post -Pre - Production for Scene recreation and Tableau 

Hello film chat! I am going to be entirely honest and say I need something to procrastinate my essay for comms and practice. I have been writing little entries into a doc every once in a while describing my thoughts. This is me putting it together in a readable form so I can feel productive.

Film Narrative 1 - Tableau Film 2

For this film, we had to use one of the two page scripts we had written earlier in the semester. 

Production meeting 1

After a meeting with Sean to explore which script we should use, we sat down as a group and went through all the practical logistics of turning the scripts into films. Not which one would be easiest, but which did we think was realistic. After going through all the pros and cons of the scripts we narrowed it down to 3 before doing an anonymous vote. My script “Walk Out” was voted for by the group due to the location being quite simple, but still requiring us to make contact with locations, and the most potential for interesting movement and sound without moving the camera (criteria for the assignment). I’m happy people liked my script and wanted to use it, it was a bit of a confidence boost as I’ve never been all that sure if I had any screenwriting capabilities. However, responsibility also lands on me, what if the dialogue is cringe? What if actors hate it? Or even worse, the audience hates it. Or even EVEN worse, the lecturers hate it? Our past films have gone down pretty well in terms of feedback but I’ve not had much creative input for them so I don't want to ruin the reputation of Group 3 as everyone in it is so talented. Anyway I need to chill it with the doubt as Sean seemed to quite like it as well as my group so hopefully it’s gonna go okay!

Meeting 1.5

David, Cliona, and I met up to discuss the Script of the project as Cole and Dylan were unavailable. We went over some actions in the scene and changed them to make it more interesting (as well as easier to film in one shot). I think David and Cliona definitely improved the script and I'm very happy with it. Script -

We also drafted up a casting call for actors as most of us either don’t want to act or are busy doing something else. Dylan is usually keen to be an actor but he hasn't had much of a chance to do any hands-on camera or sound work other than in out 8 shot film so I wanted to make sure he was behind the camera on these shoots.

Cliona also made this poster to put up in the Merchiston campus -

Production Meeting 2

Group 3 met up as a whole to discuss the film and get the ball rolling. We had discussed what roles everyone wanted to do beforehand so really just finalised them and we ended up with

David - Director

Coll - Producer/Writer

Cliona - Sound

Cole - Cinematography 

Dylan - 1st AC/production designer.

We got onto locations and looked at quite a few before settling on The Voyage of the Buck, a bar near to Haymarket where Cole’s family goes quite often. We hoped the loyalty might sway the decision, and when we asked they seemed pretty keen to let us film in their alleyway! Yay!

We also started looking at scenes for our final scene recreation. We initially didn’t have many ideas, only being able to come up with Spud’s interview in Trainspotting and the library scene from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I don't know why but I just went entirely braindead when my group asked me for suggestions. A film student who can't think of movies they like?? What am I doing here!!! But eventually, ideas started flowing and between us, we’d come up with many ideas. After watching through them all and going over pros and cons we circled back to our strongest picks, Trainspotting and Eternal Sunshine. We chose Trainspotting because it seemed manageable whilst still being a challenge. (psst. Group 3, it’s me from the future… don’t do it!! We haven’t even filmed and it's already causing so much trouble, who knew finding an empty hall would be so difficult!?)

We also settled on roles which was pretty much the same as Walk Out but Dylan is doing sound and Cliona is doing production design.

Things I had to do for both shoots 

-Risk assessment

-Book kit

-Location (although everyone has done location)

-Call sheets

-Organise more meetings

-Permission forms from locations and and actors.

I’ve got a shopping list of kit from Cole and David so I’m going to try and make sure its booked early so we can get everything they want.

Risk Assessments 

I visited the Voyage of the Buck and the City Cafe to try and scope out any risks that may be present. 

Voyage of the buck poses much more risks with cobbled roads, traffic and the weather. 

The City Cafe is nowhere near as hazardous but there is still risk of tripping and moving around in a tight space. We’ve also had confirmation from both locations that we are allowed to film which is great!! Now we just need time to find our interview room for the scene recreation…

Risk assessment for Voyage of the Buck and the City Cafe -

(very sorry Andrew, I only realised today when you said that you needed to put different locations of different risk assessments... Sorry!!!!!!!)

[ufonaut]

Hey, gang! I'm over on the Drunk Monkeys literary journal talking about the merits of Elvis Presley's films for their special 2023 Pop Culture issue. Go check it out!

[istherewifiinhell]

Following is an analysis of how Koisenu Futari writes it aro characters, aro narrative and what it intends to convey, and is also my own personal thoughts and feelings in regards to that. I refer to the characters by some stero- and archetypal categories because they are fictional, and how they are is a choice made by writers. I wouldn't say these things about real people, and you don't have to agree with me. Also of course its plot and character important that Takahashi and Sakuko are AroAce. But I will just be saying aro, because that's what was so revolutionary in the show for me and what I'm focusing on in this. Cool? Great, awesome. Let's go.

Koisenu Futari is a show that doesn't seem real to me. Part of my brain assumes, no they didn't actually make an aro show that actually cares about aros. A show that knows and shows aros of all kinds, all-be-it, some just briefly in the meet up group. But as I'll posit, ideologically this show has the space for loveless aros and all of us that really defy the more easier to digest notions of aro-ness.

Because, the thing that stuck me most about this show is that our point of view character Sakuko, is the newly discovered aro. She's a kind person with a sweet disposition and friendly to most. She doesn't relate to all the romance around her (including when someone is being insulting to her about the nature of her lack of relationships), but she is eager to please people, and doesn't like to make any trouble. She's younger and career focused that leaves people do assume any time she doesn't mesh with romance society is simply a matter of late blooming.

And enter Takahashi, the person who's words help her understand herself, help save herself. A person she meets and can finally feel a comfortable, understanding, connection with. Takahashi, an old aro, a bitter aro, he's someone who is knowledgeable about the societal construction and history of romance. He feels deeply the effects of, and understands structurally, amatonormativity. He has couple speeches about such things ready to go and bubbling under the surface, and given with an orator's tilt, compared to the rest of his conversations. And, he is epitome of your repulsed aro, your touch adverse aro and non neurotypical passing aro.

But of course, that's not the totality of what anybody is, and that's not all these characters are. Takahashi is a thoughtful and sentimental man, he's closeted even a bit shy. And through that we see his bravery when working against his reserved nature. He feels lonely, but not devoid of meaning or purpose because of it.

Takahashi's live does certainly seem much happier, and fulfilled. He maintains a blog, his garden, he keeps traditions the contented mundane rituals of life. And to me it brings to mind statistics about masking, being closeted, transition, and their relation to wellness. There is often an inverse relationship to the joy or peace of being yourself, and access to certain parts of society, or safety within it. Which of course, Sakuko, due to being younger and her general disposition, does pass mostly unnoticed in these spaces, but at great cost, some she didn't even realise, or really admit to herself.

Sakuko is, of the two, someone who comes across as more palatable to normative society. The kind of people and structures that might prefer to see aros in QPs specifically so they more closes resemble allo (& hetero) monogamous relationships. Kazu's plot line brings home that the expectations of a man and a women living together supersede the need for actually romance. So they aren't in romantic love, but shouldn't they still have the aesthetic patina of it. If you're a family should the woman not be a caretaker and the man a protector? And, obviously, no. Amantonormativity as a word, as a lens to view society, didn't even originate in aro subculture, and shares a lot of overlap with hetero- and cis- normativity for a reason. And the show's deftly handles how far that norm is from the reality.

Takahashi isn't, we learn, living his perfect life, for a mixture of reasons. Many that I would qualify under a flinch response. If you live your life in defiance of something, against others insistence. It makes sense to be resistant to change, headstrong and immutable. So he'll wholeheartedly commit to his own life, and respect others' choices and feelings. He doesn't talk as much as he simply acts, he wouldn't question someone even if he should. And he won't change his life if it may imply his current way of life is wrong, even if the change could be for the better.

So it is in this these two characters differences that their affect can be seen on each other. Sakuko learns to live a committed and more defiant life. She learns to do things that make her happy, to reach out and grab things by the throat, instead of settle. And from Sakuko who had to change just to keep being herself. Takahashi learns that he doesn't have to live just one way. He can change, if he isn't as happy as he could be he can take a risk, and if that doesn't work, it doesn't have to be permanent. And at no point do they have to change the immutable parts of themselves.

Obviously, there is no trick romance snuck in. But more importantly and, perhaps insightfully, what might be considered secondary character traits are equally respected. Sakuko doesn't have to endure more peoples romantic feelings for her, she doesn't have to stop being career oriented, or fun loving. And she doesn't have to be closer to her family before they can respect her. Takahashi, and this truly blew me away to realise. Doesn't ever have to welcome people touching him, or even being too close. He doesn't have change his affect or his demeanor in emotional conversations. The biggest changes our characters go through come from their increased happiness and increased desire to work towards happiness.

And if it wasn't clear enough yet, the end state of the show knocks it out of the fucking park, and directly into my, and I hope others brains. To be forever lodged in our subconsciouses. The prescribed ideals aren't what give us meaning. Straight couples aren't all perfect, sometimes romantic feelings cause you pain, and structuring your life so it seems familiar is never more important that if it brings you satisfaction and joy. Their lives, their family, their connection to each other doesn't end or stop having meaning when it no longer approximates the very things they were trying to live away from.

[theloveinc]

This is off topic and you don’t have to answer at all but do you ever feel that people sometimes just… Write characters massively out of character for the sake of assigning them certain fantasies or kinks that the writer enjoys? Like that always bugged me. I get that you want HIM to fuck you, but if he’s not realistically going to like or do this kink, find another character who WOULD and write them with it instead. Like I know we’re all guilty of self-indulgence, but sometimes it takes me out of the fic lmao

yes LOL. i know we talk about degradation everything other day, but i ran into some of it kinda randomly the other day and I was just like... jesus christ. who the hell is this? who the hell would even think he's like this??? (or like that one post, "he would NEVER say that").

and you'd think that ... whoever would partake in the kink would be of more interest to the author anyway, simply because their fantasies would just more naturally align with the character . but no, they gotta butcher someone else entirely just because they can't cum unless they're being choked or called a bitch (stop it, get some help/aftercare.)

ALSOOO, maybe this is problematic (whatever)... part of me thinks it dumb too bc... wouldn't u also wanna test ur abilities writing for someone you wouldn't normally? tho i guess that's just ur point of people wanting to indulge in someone specific but... one aspect of writing is like... challenging yourself to create something that actually makes sense, at least in the characterization/analyzation/exploration sense... so after a certain point, why does extreme ooc-ness become acceptable? if who ur writing about... is no longer there. 

because... to be fair.......... now that i think about it.......... there are ways to give characters wacky/scary/weird/random kinks ... if you actually.......... put thought into it. BUT PEOPLE DON'T!!!!! and it absolutely makes fic hard to read.

[vanicanela18]

thoughts on Jamil Viper and self-respect

This is a bit of an introspective post/analysis/character study on Jamil, born out of some rambles I rained upon a friend last night after watching this video, where the author made a couple of comments that caught my attention on regards to Jamil (the video is non-twst related though). I believe they are things that have always been there, but I finally put a name to them and weaved my thoughts into words. Hopefully it will be readable, even if this still keeps a bit of the ramble-y nature of my original messages to my friend. One of the things mentioned in the video (regarding a character, the video is an essay on Spider-Man: No Way Home) that struck me were these lines:

You have to believe in yourself enough to know your capability and show off when required and use the best parts of you. Servitude requires, yes, humility, but it also requires your self-esteem.

(...)

If you don't recognise your own value, you can't offer your value. By hating yourself, you're doing a bad job of serving others.

I was a bit baffled to say the least. I paused the video, wrote the sentences and chewed them a little in my mind. I momentarily scrapped aside Jamil's own desire of seeing the world and his own dislike of it in order to reflect on the words.

Jamil has this thing where he's very prideful and egocentric, that’s just part of his character (and not entirely undeserved, as he’s indeed very smart and capable). He feeds his own ego by constantly reassuring himself of his value, his power, his intelligence, yet on the meantime he constantly craves for approval, praise and recognition from others. His perceived chains come from the way he was raised, in which his position is tied to the way he can show himself to the world. Jamil is not an insecure person per se but he ultimately wants to prove something. He wants to be praised and adored, and such things he has associated not to himself as a person but to his position in society, which is why he also craves a higher social standing (the entire master thing with the parrot for example, because master=power, and that means he has value enough to show off).

In essence, he doesn't value himself not because he doesn't believe he's capable but because he doesn't have enough self-respect to himself, his family, their job. Not only since it's something he doesn't like, but because he's been raised with the idea that he's inferior just because he has to bow down to someone else. 

"Servitude requires humility, but it also requires your self-esteem". In other words, it’s knowing you're still capable and worthy of respect and praise. And the funny thing is that this idea that he matters less wasn't even hammered down by the Asims, it was just Jamil's parents trying to curb down their slightly-too-prideful son (in their perception) so they wouldn’t fall out of favour. They obviously did a horrendous job at it though, while also perpetuating in Jamil's mind that they're worth nothing because they're servants.

To be clear: I am not saying this is Jamil’s fault. This is a consequence of his environment and the society around him, added to his own personality which tunnel vissions on this (value=power). In the end, Jamil's insecurity is less about not believing in his capabilities and more of just believing himself unworthy because of his position, which is why he never tries his best at anything and bends under the pressure of underperforming. Yet he hungers for that praise and approval, of being in the spotlight, while simultaneously running away from it. It's heartbreaking but a self-made hell as well, because...

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light.

(quoted from the video)

Jamil never realises that Kalim has always been aware of his capabilities. Since Kalim doesn't have Jamil's bias (his insecurity, let's call it, his perhaps surprising lack of self-respect), he always lifts him up and naturally praises him. He lights a lamp (Jamil) so others can see its light! But since it comes from Kalim himself, Jamil resents him as he only sees the social ladder and not Kalim as an individual. And of course, this is because of Jamil's deeply-rooted beliefs, his upbringing, the way it is obvious he lacks Kalim's privilege. But this impossibility of ridding himself of this insecurity is what holds him back in the first place, and what makes him hold Kalim back as well (by not letting him do things by himself).

(Slight Episode 6 spoilers ahead)

This is why Leona says, "at least try your best and struggle". The harsh truth is that by hating himself (the place he was born in, the value of his profession, his true goals) Jamil has never been able to do his best at anything. He has to believe in himself enough to show off when required and use the best parts of himself! And when learning this, he can do the same for others! He can step back and also recognise when he's not needed, to let go of that tight grasp he has in the urge of controlling everything, because it's the only thing that not only makes him feel like having some control of his life but the closest he can get to a position of power (in his eyes).

This also reflects in Jamil's Unique Magic, which by itself is a reflection of a mage's soul. Gratuitious Jafar reference aside, it says a lot about Jamil as well. (paraphrased) "Look into my eyes and tell me, who is your master?" Jamil's long-sought dream; the sad reality of it all is that being called "master", even being the "master", won't bring him any of the reassurance he so yearns for.

In the end, what was what Jamil wanted in Episode Four? Ultimately, he wanted the seat of dorm leader for himself, this power he so covets, what will make him great and finally let him spread his wings, a taste of freedom before it all comes crashing down once he graduates. But... he doesn't have to do that.

Jamil is valid to not want to take on the job of a servant, much less when he's a child himself, but he's not worth inherently less just because he has to bow down to someone else. And I think that's what Leona ends telling him in Episode 6, "you're not worth less if you know your limits and know when to step back. You're not worth less if you lack privileges when you are born. Struggle, fight with all your might: that's what shows that you are worth just as much as others." That's why Leona points out Ruggie, Azul and Riddle, who have all had their fair share of struggles, but have tried ways of making up for them, and ultimately either know their worth or are on their way there. Sebek is also a great Jamil foil: although they're both servants, Sebek takes a lot of pride on his position. He doesn't believe he is worth less for serving Malleus, but more. His actual struggle comes from him as an individual (being half-fae), not his status as a servant.

Ultimately, to keep walking forward and finally find his path, I think this is the conclusion he must learn: Jamil has value as himself. He has value as just Jamil. The servant boy. The one who doesn't want to continue the work of his family. The one who wants to travel the world, and live his life on his own terms. Power won't give him the self-respect and self-esteem he so longs for.

And I think this is the road he begins to walk by the end of his arc on Episode 6, little by little. Stepping back and recognising Leona’s superior magical prowess, but that there’s nothing wrong with weakness. Starting to see Kalim more as his own person, and letting him do things on his own (which will also kickstart Kalim’s own arc, but that’s worth another post). And at last, truly letting himself do his best, speaking out his desires and accept that there’s nothing inherently wrong with the work he and his parents do (as evidenced by his Broomquet Birthday PS), even if he doesn’t want his future to be like that.

In the end, there's no such thing as an useless oil lamp. Even if it's not flashy, not golden and incapable of granting wishes, it can always give you light.

[ninja-muse]

I completely abandoned any pretense about reaching my yearly reading goal this December, but I did manage to read one TBR book per month and read 50 of the books I wanted to in 2022, so I’m counting the year as a win. And I got close to the goal, anyway, at least if you include the picture books. (I do not like to include the picture books.) This month also included surprise highlights, surprise disappointments, and not one, but two, history books, which I feel like I never do.

December also, obviously, included a book haul. I got a couple books I asked for for Christmas, a couple books that came from the “give everyone an essay about my tastes” wishlists, and The Atlas Six, which arrived at work too damaged to sell but is still perfectly readable and it had been recommended by a friend…. The highlight is Weirdos of the Universe Unite!, however. I read this at least three times as a kid, via the public library, and I’m pretty sure we can credit my love of urban fantasy to it. That one’s actually part of my birthday haul, but the postal system got in the way. Very excited to (hopefully) reread it in 2023!

The Mummy! - Jane C. Webb Louden A plan to resurrect a mummy somehow upends the monarchy and everyone’s love lives. Melodramatic satire on a grand scale. - Egyptian secondary character

Beneath Another Sky - Norman Davies A world tour of countries subsumed by the colonial West and the ways they’re rebuilding after. - diverse nations and peoples covered - warning: colonial mindsets 1491 - Charles C. Mann An examination of what is known about pre-contact life in the Americas, versus what has often been taught and believed. - Indigenous subject matter - warning: racists, genocide

The Great Believers - Rebecca Makkai Yale is trying for a bequest to his gallery while navigating a relationship and watching his friends die of AIDS. Thirty years later, Fiona is searching for her daughter and reckoning with how Yale’s friend-group has affected her life. - largely 🏳️‍🌈 cast, Jewish protagonist, Jewish secondary character, Black secondary character - warning: deaths from AIDS, period-typical homophobia, including apathy and hate crimes

Books and Libraries - Andrew Scrimgeour, ed. A collection of poetry dedicated to the love of books.

The World We Make - N.K. Jemisin The boroughs of New York thought they’d fought their biggest battle, but then a populist politician comes to town. - ensemble cast containing Black, Indigenous, Indian, Latina, and 🏳️‍🌈 protagonists, Black author, #ownvoices for Blackness

Don't Fear the Reaper - Stephen Graham Jones Jade Jennifer Daniels returns to Proofrock the week a serial killer escapes in a blizzard. Out in February. - Blackfoot protagonist, Indigenous secondary characters, Black secondary character, disabled secondary characters, Blackfoot author, #ownvoices for Blackfoot representation - warning: death, gore, animal death

Grumpy New Year - Katrina Moore with Xindi Yan (illustrator) Daisy’s going to China to visit her Yeh-Yeh for Lunar New Year! Daisy should have slept—but she didn’t. - Chinese cast

The Golden Spoon - Jessa Maxwell Six contestants, two hosts, one world-famous baking show. And a body. Out in March. - ensemble cast containing Black, Latina, neurodivergent, and 🏳️‍🌈 characters

Reread:

The Jolly Christmas Postman - Allan Ahlberg with Janet Ahlberg (illustrator) A postman delivers Christmas mail to the fairy tale and nursery rhyme residents of his village.

Currently reading:

A Killing In Costumes - Zac Bissonnette Jay and Cindy just got an offer that might save their movie memorabilia business. Unfortunately, their competitor has turned up dead and that might sink everything. - 🏳️‍🌈 protagonists

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle Victorian detective stories - major disabled character
 - warning: colonialism, racism


Stats


Monthly total: 9
 Yearly total: 145 + 2
 Queer books: 1
 Authors of colour: 2
 Books by women: 5
 Canadian authors: 0
 Off the TBR shelves: 2
 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June July August September October November

[the-art-librarian]

So these are very different paintings, but I was wondering if you had anything for Albert Aublet's Selene, or R. B. Kitaj's The Wedding. Love the blog, btw

This one made me think of Fatoumata Kébé, unfortunately her books don’t (yet?) exist in English :( She's a French astrophysicist who has a PhD from the Institute of Celestial Mechanics in Paris, she's written two books so far and both are love letters to the moon—literally for one of them, it's called Lettres à la lune. The other one, La lune est un roman, is more scientific (but very readable) while Lettres is about the moon in literature and poetry. They were both published recently, hopefully they'll get an English translation at some point!

I’m also reminded of Mary Ruefle’s essay Poetry and the Moon, from her collection Madness, Rack and Honey—I recommend the whole book :)

It has been noted many times that there are more sad poems than happy poems in this world, and [...] I would guess that the moon occurs more frequently than the sun as an image in lyric poetry. And I wonder, why? I could start with a dozen reasons: insomnia; [...] or the fact most of the poems in this world have supposedly been written by heterosexual men, who desire women, and the moon is embodied, in so many languages, as a woman.

[Moreover] there is a greater contrast between the moon and the night sky than there is between the sun and the daytime sky. And this contrast is more conducive to sorrow, which always separates or isolates itself, than it is to happiness, which always joins or blends. And to stand face-to-face with the sun is preposterous—it would blind you. The moon has no light of its own; our apprehension of it is but a reflection of the sun. And some believe artists reflect the creative powers of some original impulse too great to name.

At first I thought this one should be some sort of family saga, with lots of characters and events spanning decades, something like Charles Lewinsky’s Melnitz—but then the messiness of it and the wedding theme made me think of Isaac Singer’s Enemies: A Love Story. Singer’s short stories also feel quite like this. I prefer Melnitz and would recommend it more heartily but that’s because I really enjoy big hefty books, that let you spend a lot of time within the same story and in the company of the same characters.

[minnarr]

hey there! i hope that you’re doing well:D

this is. a weird thing to ask, and potentially time consuming, so by all rights feel free to ignore.

so, i found you through ao3 (your solo works are just— absolutely perfect, now i have the urge to rewatch the movie for the umpteenth time😂), and it says in your bio that you studied a history and literature degree.

so i’m in high school, and i… will have to apply to universities in a couple months, but i don’t actually know what i’d like to study. i know that i want to be a teacher (different from an office job, i know), and being a history teacher sounds like something that i’d be happy with/hopefully fairly good at. but— well, only one person in my family has ever completed a degree, and it was a business degree lol. i don’t know anyone who studies history and can’t attend open days (i live in the southern hemisphere, planning to study in the northern).

so— if it’s not too much trouble, this is me asking what it’s like? (i’m only familiar with high school history, and my country’s education standards are definitely behind places like the uk, so i don’t even know if that counts for much - we do a lot of worksheets and write some essays, with minimal reading/notes.)

i know that english lit isn’t something i’d be interested in - do i love writing? with all my heart. do i enjoy literary analysis? …not really - but history is something that i’ve been wondering about, and what i think i’ll apply for when i have to.

i really just want to know more about it. for example, there’s something called… historiography, i think, that’s come up in my research? people who studied history seem to detest it, but is it a) as horrible as all that and b) a huge part of the curriculum? what sort of tasks did you do for the history part of your degree: was it, assignments, essay writing, etc? is there a lot of reading? what sort of things can you do with a history degree (if teaching doesn’t work out, i don’t know if there’s a demand for history teachers as there is for maths, for example) — and would you recommend it?

is it a difficult degree, or one of the easier ones, or somewhere in between? and— oof, i know this is an awfully specific thing to ask, but what would a typical task or assessment have looked like? no specifics, ofc, this is the internet, but like… for example, an assessment we did last year was “write a source-based essay on what extent the new deal was successful” — could i have some kind of description like that, if you remember?

again— no pressure to answer! this is a very long and kind of all-over-the-place ask, and i don’t want to take this much time from someone i don’t know— i’m just curious, and in a bit of a panic as the application dates draw closer lol. but again, no pressure (and also — thank you for sharing your fics with us! your qi’ra voice is amazingly on point, and you write everyone from solo in a way that makes me think you went into the gffa and met them all)

i can only answer with my own experience: i went to a smallish university in the US, with a very small history program that isn't exactly the college's focus but had some excellent professors.

i had no idea people seem to detest historiography—anon, i think it's so neat. that's where history really came alive for me. historiography is just studying how history is/has been written. sources, methods, lenses, ways the consensus has changed. one of the capstone courses in my program was a theory class where we had to write a historiography paper over the course of the semester, and i got so much out of that. this isn't quite a historiography, but if you want to get fired up about the process of history, may i recommend silencing the past by michel-rolph trouillot? it's part about how history is made (and places in the process where voices get left out), part history, with a dash of biography, shortish and extremely readable.

i really can't answer to whether it's a huge part of the curriculum where you'll end up—curriculums vary where I'm from, and my particular school didn't place much emphasis on theoretical grounding—but imo it's important to understand not only what happened but how we came to our current understanding, how we can continue to try to understand the past.

once i got to upper level courses (again: US; the last two years of our four year degree, roughly, focus on our actual major), the emphasis was entirely on reading and writing essays. i had one teacher who gave exams, and lectures of course, but essays formed the bulk of my big grades. there is sooooo much reading. so much. i never quite learned to read at that volume, and more ended up learning the art of the productive skim. i wrote an apparently good paper on the communist manifesto and hard times having read maybe 30% of hard times. probably don't be me.

i have no idea about the job prospects for history majors; i never intended to do history as a profession, only as a thing worth learning along the way of just getting Any Bachelor's Degree. i work in accounting now and am perfectly happy with that.

re, difficulty and assessment, again i suspect that this is going to vary in the US and be next to useless if you're looking at, say, the UK. but i can describe my experience! i would not call my program difficult, largely because it played to my strengths (I'm a good essay writer) and gave me a ton of flexibility—few required courses, and my degree required non-history electives so my lit minor basically fit into that space. (i don't know if there's a point to doing a minor, but i was already deeply in the lit major social space).

the typical class structure in my upper levels was that we'd have assigned readings and lectures or in-class discussions, then about three papers scattered through the course of the semester. most of these were based on the assigned reading, just to assess how we used and analyzed what we were given. the only variation on this was my capstone classes, both of which were built around writing a research paper by the end of the semester, and the two classes that made us do an interview and write an "oral history." (scare quotes because i really don't know much about the methods of actual oral history).

so one professor would say, "using documents xyz and book a [all assigned readings], discuss Topic. i want to see you discuss authorship of the documents and these facets of the topic." with another prof, in the communist manifesto/hard times paper mentioned above, we were asked to discuss how these sources approached the "social question" in 19th century Europe, and given some suggestions to help us think about it.

also worth noting: i don't know how it is elsewhere, but my understanding is that with my undergraduate degree, i am definitely not ready to actually be a professional historian. if i wanted to, it would be a base to build on with graduate work, where you learn to actually *do* history.

i don't know if any of this is helpful to you, but best of luck, and i hope you land somewhere you're content with! and also, i am glad you enjoyed the fics.

[bantarleton]

what are the good military histories of the American Revolution?

@ivan-fyodorovich My go-to for a “standard” military history of the American Revolution is Hugh Bicheno’s Rebels and Redcoats. Detailed without being laboured, it gives air time to just about everything you need to know without becoming a multi-volume epic. Despite being a little on the dated side now it also still has a sufficiently “modernist” slant and still fits well with more recent literature on the war.

Would also recommend David McCullough’s 1776. It does only deal with that pivotal year, and some academics turn their nose up at it because it’s very much readable “popular” history. In my opinion there’s nothing wrong with that though as long as the research is solid, and McCullough’s definitely is.

On a similar note, Rick Atkinson’s The British Are Coming is the most recent “big” book on the Revolution. It won the Pulitzer Prize and is very readable indeed. Again, I’ve no qualms with its overall quality and would definitely recommend it. It deals with the years 1775 - 1777, but there are sequels in the works.

The Spirit of ‘Seventy-Six is also essential reading - its a large collection of primary sources backed up by short essays contextualising each in turn. It covers everything from the Boston massacre to British grand strategy, and is invaluable for digging deeper into the subject of the war without becoming too focussed on one particular aspect.

Lastly, I’d add After Yorktown by Don Glickstein. Two years of world war followed the 1781 siege, and this book gives them the coverage that almost all others neglect.

Hopefully that gives a solid basis of reading for the RevWar. After that it depends on what particular topic you’re interested in.

[csykora]

Hi! Hope you’re well. I started reading your story? essay? on AO3 and just wanted to clarify…is this fiction or nonfiction? I know you said you did research so it seems it’s based on real events.

Thank you.

It's nonfiction! It's just a write-up of the real events. Since there aren't any books/summaries of the events widely available, I started sharing all of it, and hopefully one day it will become a historical nonfiction book of some kind. I originally started posting it here (my pinned post), and then made it available on AO3 under the meta category because of AO3's more searchable and readable format for people who have trouble reading the length of the tumblr post.

(The silly title makes this confusing, I'm sure--it's just the working title from my draft, because I needed something to amuse me and anything more serious sounded pretentious!)

If you would like more detail on any event, or my research sources for anything in particular, let me know.