#hoping to be able to post and share more of my work tho now without needing to worry about school work and deadlines!!!! yayyyy

[svtiddiess]

⋆˙⟡ svtiddiess tumblr wrapped 2024 ⟡˙⋆

Thank you so much to Raven @shadowkoo for tagging me! This seems like such a fun idea!

I'm forever grateful for all the love and support I've gotten this year! Through this platform, I've met so many wonderful people, many of whom I can truly call my close friends. Thank you so much for all the likes, comments, and reblogs, you leave on my fics, they really mean a lot to me ♡ I hope to continue putting out fics and sharing my love for writing, SVT, and tiddies. See you all in 2025! ♡

2024 FIC STATUS

Number of fics posted: 56 (I'm shook myself)

Number of fics in progress: 17 (for now...)

TOP 3 MOST POPULAR FICS OF 2024

Thot Hour (1.7k notes) Mingyu x reader

Favourite Comments:

↳ there's nothing i love more than a man groveling for forgiveness LOL the intro alone had me hooked. i do love when he cracks tho, not able to take it anymore. we love men that are down bad for their girls 🥹🖤 @shadowkoo

↳ #im jealous i wanna dream about some yoga mat fun too @luvseungcheol

Nom Nom (1.5k notes) Seungcheol x reader

Favourite Comments:

↳ #what the fuck!!!!#screaming without the s#the way i already think bout this man’s tiddies 24/7 and now THIS????#about to reach levels of delusion never before seen in humankind I mean that with full seriousness and as a warning @nightshadeblooming

↳ #used as a wallpaper???#this is vile#EUNHA YOU'RE FUCKING VILE#svtiddiess has never been more accurate before @multi-kpop-fanfics

↳ #SCREECHING HERE#need to mark him up good and proper#like fr fr#that man NEEDS to be bitten#I dont make the rules#I just enforce them @whipped-for-kpop-fics

Sex Education (1.3k notes) Mingyu x reader

Favourite Comments:

↳ Oh sexy nerd 😩👄💗 @thepoopdokyeomtouched

↳#SUBBIE GYU IS MY WEAKNESS#oh my lord#oh my fuck @feat-sun

MOST RECENT FIC OF 2024

Moonlight (posted 28/12/2024) Jeonghan x reader

Favourite Comments:

↳ The way you wrote this I felt like I was actually there @do-you-remember-summer-127

MOST LONGEST FIC OF 2024

Green Eyes And Confessions (3.9k words) Mingyu x reader x Wonwoo

Favourite Comments:

↳ #I HAVE READ THIS APPROXIMATELY THREE TIMES NOW. OR A LITTLE MORE#the buildup??? delicious. conniving mingyu??? scrumptious.#WONWOO'S SWITCH UP??? ABSOLUTELY DELIRIUM-INDUCING @kwondotcom

↳ Rereading this while in heat was not a good idea 😖 but a GREAT idea 🥵😝💦💦 @brownbunnyb

PERSONAL FAVOURITE FIC OF 2024

Quiet Baby Seungcheol x reader

My first ever smut fic! The one that started it all. It might not be my best work, as I've improved a lot since then but it'll always hold a special place in my heart ♡

Favourite Comments:

↳ #unintelligible thoughts#as for enjoying it?#yes#thoroughly#in fact#im logging off till i recover#you have @svtiddiess to thank#yes i know i participated#but this?#😭😭😭😭😭#shambles @brownsugarbaybee

↳ Me when i realized there's only one choi seungcheol and i can never have him this way #SCREAMMMMINGGGGG WITHOUT THE S#you did so well bby 🩷#the jumpscare in the middle of the cafe was worth it @tomodachiii

FAVOURITE READS OF 2024

⭑.ᐟ Troublemaker by @whipped-for-kpop-fics ⭑.ᐟ Hush by @sailorrhansol ⭑.ᐟ The Intruder's Eyes by @miabebe ⭑.ᐟ Creature's Of Desire by @ddeonghwa-s ⭑.ᐟ Tease by @gyuzgrl ⭑.ᐟ Anything And Always by @miabebe ⭑.ᐟ Calendar Killer by @miabebe ⭑.ᐟ Sixth Sense by @gyuzgrl ⭑.ᐟ Crossroads by @smileysuh ⭑.ᐟ $60 billion by @onlyseokmins

MY TOP TRACKS OF 2024

➣ LALALI - Seventeen ➣ Rain - Seventeen ➣ Whiplash - Aespa ➣ Supernova - Aespa ➣ Igloo - Kiss of Life ➣ 1-800-hot-n-fun - Le sserafim ➣ Kazino - BIBI

GOALS FOR 2025

✮ Finish and publish all wips and write more! ✮ Adopt a more active lifestyle. ✮ Get back into reading books.

No pressure tags: @tomodachiii @welcometomyoasis @soo0hee @chanranghaeys @c-oupsie @pochaccoups @diamonddaze01 @ylangelegy @brownsugarbaybee @miabebe

+ anyone who wants to do it!

[liamket]

okay finally the most waited post (of mine (maybe)) since yesterday!!! me rambling in a weird/deep way!!!!

first of all we start strong

the Wolfie thing was something that i've been wondering when will be adressed, and when i read the word "wolf" i got nuts

I felt weird here cuz Four just mentioned Time and himself??? im crackling at Leg's face "my guy you forgot someone" now thinking better abt it Legend didn't tell anyone abt the bunny thing appart of Twi and Sky, so it makes sense they not knowing he already found out

It makes sense that he didn't wanted to show his wolf form to them at the start, he can't just go "hey guys look i can turn into a wolf *cool shadow transformation* AUUUUUUUUUU-" and not freak them out.

and i find a little amusing Wind wanting a confirmation, he wants to make sure that now there's not fractures between each other's trust. They still got their secrets, yeah, but he still wanted to at least hear that theyre cool about this one

Twi almost died, and the only reason that he's still breathing is because of them, obviously he will trust them now.

my poor guy has been working so hard, being the emotional support dog in the group together with big brother duty is exhausting

still makes me laugh that nobody really made 2+2 and realised that it was a little suspicious that every time Wolfie was there Twi was patrolling. They really share the name Link huh

Wolves are beautiful but dangerous animals, they are strong and usually agressive to invasors, makes sense to hide something that makes people run away from you. You might be able to defend them, but they will only pay back with scared glances

ohhh i would really love to see this! Wild already knew Twilight, well, future Twilight. He saw the giant dog wandering around and thought "hey i know him thats the strange wolf! hey hiii buddyyy" this guy really

love them trying to explain time shenanigans. keep it up buddy. you know basic math you can do this.

the rest of them talking abt the wolf thing while here my man fighting with the gps

Wild you already established your point calm down

Something that i and a lot of people noticed: Wars seems more relaxed, the past updates he was at the verge of screaming at the void. Now here he is, bothering his brother. Happy Warriors is back!

See the only thing he needed was his emotional support scarf back

if i had a coin every time a character hide their true identity in the zelda series i would have 16 coins, which is a lot considering that i thought it would be just 5 or 6 times what the hell

oh i know that look. He has already an idea of what wars menat with that, he has already experienced the same situation

Four doesn't fully approve the use of shadow magic yet. He remembers someone that because of that lost himself in the power. What if this happends too with Twi? How will they handle that situation? His mind is already too noisy just with thinking it a little

He hopes they will not have to confront the consecuences of dark magic's abuse

i remember that someone said Wolfie looks weaker, and honestly i agree

im not sure if this is the case, but if it is i wouldn't be surprised. He looks thinner, his fur more tangled and less flat

Still fluffy boy, tho

AND NOW. the panels that made me laugh for some weird reason/i liked a lot without any comments of why

art at its peak as always

(art credits goes towards @linkeduniverse as always!)

[yearofthesnvke]

Okay so I'm the first devil's advocate anon again, and a few other ppl have brought up some really good points I didn't think about when writing that ask. Because even though a redemption for Chel would have to be offline for it to be genuine, they need to take accountability and responsibility for their actions, I 100% agree. I just want to ask y'all about that though- because I honestly can't think of a way they could take accountability online that wouldn't seem like attention seeking, or trying to get back into people's good books. Maybe they could do it through someone else? As long as that someone isn't Damien, because to me that would just seem like he's trying to smooth things out on his own, and even though I would believe him if he made a post saying Chel's trying to change, it could possibly ruin his reputation and that's not a risk he should take. Also, now that I've looked through Beth's tumblr page I can see that Chel probably isn't trying to take accountability or make amends privately (although even if they did, Beth and Chel's other victims would be 100% in the right if they ignored them, what Chel did is horrid, and even though I believe everyone can be forgiven, not everyone should be forgiven). So there goes that grain of hope.

And I want to add, I honestly think I started thinking about "what if Chel is trying to change?" because I was trying to rationalise why Damien is still with them. I've never been in a relationship, toxic or otherwise, but if I was then I know I would be trying to help that person if they were struggling, and I would try to persuade that person to change and to make amends if they did some awful thing. I'm not at all saying that it's what you should be doing, but I do think I relate to Damien in a lot of ways and this is probably one of them. It sucks.

I think I'm probably trying to think up the best outcome because I don't want to accept that the worst is more likely the reality. I don't want this situation for Damien, and my high-empathy autistic brain is trying to believe he's working towards a solution- I'm playing the devil's advocate as a coping mechanism. So instead, now I'm trying to just accept the facts and think no further, because neither extreme is healthy- if I convince myself Chel is somehow trying to make things better I could accidently become an apologist for them and everything they've done, which is absolutely not something I want to do. But if I continuously remind myself that Damien is associating with a horrible person and could possibly be stuck in a toxic relationship, I'll eventually spiral and be unable to watch any content with him in without thinking about all this. I don't want to remove myself from this, because he's my favourite Smosh member, and Smosh is my current hyperfixation (and the only thing getting me through my exams rn xD), and I want to be updated on the situation. So I'm trying to just see the facts and take people's opinions at face value, and forget about it as often as I can. And I apologise, I've probably gone into way too much detail about myself here, I write out these asks in my notes app the way I do with other random infodumps that I don't intent to share, so I tend to ramble 😅 sorry 'bout that..

Either way, I hope other fans and ppl following this situation are taking care of themselves, and like people have said, take a break from this if it's impacting you negatively (this applies to you too, Joan- don't feel as if you have the responsibility to keep running this blog if you don't feel able to. Thank you so much for creating this space tho, ofc, you seem like such a great person <3). Drink some water too, y'all :D

Hey, good luck with exams! You're doing great! 💜

Anon, you're looking for the good in people and hoping the best for someone you relate to -- I think that's really admirable. If you can, focus on the good and trust that, like all drama, this will pass.

[wrongcaitlyn]

hi tawny!!! loved the magnus chase chapter 🫶🏻 alex and magnus r so cute. I love magnus’s backstory/how you adapted it!!

ok so today is my bday and I was hoping you might be able to share a snippet from the upcoming tgol chapter🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 no pressure tho!!!!

HI OMGSDFKJDSF FIRST OF ALL HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I HOPE THAT ITS STILL YOUR BIRTHDAY IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO GET TO THISJSDF!!!

i HAVE written a bit of the next chapter but unfortunately, it is solely tweets, and the tweets are all without users at the moment bc i always add the users at the end. SO. im gonna post a good majority of those tweets here as your excerpt and update it when i eventually add the users and let you know!!! and as a special treat if you'd like to choose one of these to be under your user, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL ADD IT :)))

hope you have had an absolutely wonderful day!!!

guys i dont think u realize how crazy this is for apollo to be working with another artist. like we all accepted nico was an exception bc like he’s will’s bsf and stuff but apollo apparently REACHED OUT to sadie. and they’ve been working together on an album. under apollo’s own label.

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genuinely hope that sadie becomes crazy popular like nico and that delphi records gets bigger than ****’s

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honestly i def think it’d happen. karma at its finest

so as an angel what’s the sadie lore anything we should know?? bc she’s abt to become my third fav artist

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who are the first two?? sadie’s AMAZING

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nico and alex fierro duh

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so your music taste is nico di angelo and his openers

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yes exactly

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Sadie currently has an EP out (Worst of You) that you should definitely check out, it was produced by her and her brother as an indie artist! As for background, she’s from London and her parents are pretty big in the archaeology world. She started putting out covers on YT when she was 13, and eventually started [1/2]

|

writing her own songs. She uploaded a lot of unreleased songs to YT (they’ve since been deleted but they’re also on SoundCloud), and put out her debut EP at 18 and recently got signed to Apollo’s Delphi Records (technically second official artist signed, if we’re including Nico) [2/2]

still processing graveyard bc what does he MEAN by directly referencing how apollo “took his money and dignity and got the hell out” and thinks “i understand it now” and “i think you got it right.” nico please don’t disappear on us.

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i blame munich

i ship

[ two images attached: The first is a selfie of Nico di Angelo, Apollo, and Sadie Kane taken by Sadie. The second is the same photo, zoomed in on Sadie and Nico. ]

THE MYSTERY OF NICO’S SKULL RING: A THREAD

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Sep 27, 2015: the skull ring is first seen, albeit blurry, in jason grace’s vlog around his school, in which nico is sitting in their school cafeteria. it’s on his right ring finger, as it always has been (that we know of, logically he may have worn it on his middle or index finger when younger) 

[ two images attached ]

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May 21, 2016: it’s once again seen in nico’s first appearance on apollo’s insta, before we even knew his name. during this time, nico had been working on ‘haunted’ with apollo, and was already known as his insta user “the ghost king,” which ties into the skull/ghost/death theme

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[ one image attached ] 

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June 18, 2016: the skull ring is on the back cover of ‘haunted’s vinyl and its tracklist. it’s pretty much the centerpiece of the image, with his hand mostly covering his face.

[ two images attached ]

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There are several more appearances of the skull ring, he practically never takes it off. It’s seen in his pictures at the AMA’s, VMA’s, Grammys, and pretty much every other public appearance of his from 2016 - 2018. 

[ four images attached ]

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During the haunted acoustic shows (July 2017), he’s seen wearing the rings in all of the shows. 

[ four images attached ]

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Even the design of the doomsday world tour poster is based on the skull design in his ring, as well as several other merch pieces.

[ four images attached ]

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August 26, 2018: nico is wearing the ring in the official pictures from the first night of the doomsday world tour (and from various fans’ pictures)

[ three images attached ]

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But on the second night of the doomsday world tour, nico is seen without a skull ring. 

[ four images attached ]

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Since then, he hasn’t been seen wearing the ring ONCE. Several other rings take the place on the right ring finger, but the skull ring’s pretty identifiable - and the ones he’s worn since are noticeably different. so, that leaves the question: what happened to it? why did nico stop wearing it? 

[ four images attached ]

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more pictures of the other rings he’s worn since

[ four images attached ]

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ummm maybe. hear me out. just a possibility. his ring size grew? being a living growing teenager at the time

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okay but it is interesting how it happened right after the first night of tour. and its not like a normal piece of jewelry, right? the skull ring is one of the first things we even knew about him, its basically like a logo. dating all the way back to apollo’s first post signifying haunted? it must have meant something to him if he wore it for at least three years (1/2)

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even at award shows and red carpets and all that fancy stuff. putting the exact same skull design on tour merch, etc… it’s just strange that it disappeared all of a sudden, despite nico still going on with the death/skull aesthetic in graveyard. if he just lost it or it broke/stopped fitting, wouldn’t he try and get another?

this fandom belongs in an insane asylum 

[hermitw]

I want to make a list of my JJK theories and opinions so we got (part 1 bc I know I'll have / remember more later).

-let gege cook, everyone will be fine, chill tf out (I have rambled about this in other posts so I'll just leave it at that here)

-Toji and Geto's worm is like banana fish (the drug from banana fish that makes someone delusional, easily suggestible, and violent until they self destruct. Geto lasted a lot longer than Toji under its influence bc he had his rituals of meditations, affirmations, and strong ethics. His cursed energy would have also fed the worm, though it had been trained to feed off of the soul when it was with toji). It eats away at their souls/BRAIN so Kenjaku can get into a new skull will little resistance. Remember when Geto was unconscious and Toji said the thing about monkeys? Then Geto kept repeating that kind of thing (but he never rly acted like he believed that. He was just trying to keep his daughters and innocent youth safe from becoming skapegoats like Rika was. He saw that the cult and the village would repeat their cycles and more would be hurt in the future. He couldn't redeem those adults so he killed them.) I go into this theory a good bit in my longest/first jjk fanfic, and I AM DYING for gege to confirm this. I also ofc think that Kenjaku set up the worm and Toji to find each other. Maybe by throwing it into the zenin curse pit.

-kenjaku hit Rika with his car, or at least manipulated someone else into doing it (which seems to be the theme here, the way he made geto and yuta fight, for example. It's suspicious that Yuta and Yuuji were both from Sendai. I'm sure that he was keeping an eye on them both. We see nanako and mimiko at yuuji's school in that one manga panel in the beginning.

-the prison realm can be used for time travel (since Gojo first got sealed I was expecting him to break out. And then I was expecting him to be so understimulated in there that he'd figure out how to warp time. Dude can already warp space, what's the difference?) and Hakari even suggested using the prison realm for time travel so EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE they just have to go as far as they can without using it first so they can learn what to do the next time, yeah? I also had a dream about this and Gojo told me that Sukuna didn't feel the time loop, but the rest of us knew it was our second time (at least) going back and trying to defeat him. Which doesn't mean that I'm right but it was nice ok 😭

Theories that have been proven right or wrong by now

-I've been saying from the beginning that Yuuji and Sukuna share a common ancestor and that's why he can be a vessel. I was right!! But I didn't know he was also born with a fingie

-sukuna has six eyes (this has since been disproven but I used to think so)

-the way that RCT works between two people

CHAPTER 261 SPOILERS ON THIS NEXT ONE but I hope ur caught up by now.

-yuta should use as many techniques as possible in Gojo's body bc when Gojo returns to it, then he will be able to learn them as well. Kenjaku was able to retain techniques from his previous bodies, so even if all he transfers is the copy technique, that's fkn useful too.

-there is no chemistry between Yuki and Choso. That concept feels fucking forced and gives me the ick so hard.

-yuki is a terrible influence. She has good intentions, but she isn't present enough to be helpful - showing up in shibuya after Mahito was absorbed, for example. Not keeping in touch with the sorcerers who were involved in that. Not to mention the shit with Geto. She started the whole "what kind of woman is your type" thing and it's her fault that todo beats people nearly to death for giving an answer that doesn't match his own stupid taste (it took several watches for me to forgive todo for beating up megumi tbh)

-todo is also Kenjaku's son, and possibly Yuki - tho yuki is more vibes than evidence. All of Kenjaku's confirmed kids have a strong resolve, and false memories with Yuuji. But I think that kenjaku, in a male body, would be a total slut. His motivation for anything is that maybe it'll be interesting, or funny, he's just here for a good time. I think that he wouldn't even know how many kids he has, and that by having an unknown number possibly out there, it would bring up unexpected sorcerers. The frame where kenjaku asks why don't you heal yourself and yuki says I don't want to... That feels confirmed for me but I know it isn't solid evidence.

-I think kenjaku set up yuki to meet todo bc that feels too sus as well but I forget my logic on that one lmaoooo everything is their fault tho

[valentinossecretmommykink]

Notes: hey sorry for the cringe this is my first story I have posted and I hope you don't hate it? Let me know what you do think tho!

___________________________________

Vox, the man who practically had it all, had always been known for his ability to charm anyone he came across. But there was one particular star in Valentino's crew that had caught his eye. Her name was Y/N, and she was unlike anyone Vox had ever met.

Unlike the other demons that Valentino owns, Y/N was selectively mute. She never spoke a word, but her actions spoke volumes. She was kind, caring, and always had a smile on her face. Her beauty was undeniable, but it was her personality that truly drew Vox in.

He had been watching her from afar for quite some time, admiring her from a distance, but now Vox was determined to court her. He knew it wouldn't be easy, especially with Valentino's watchful eye always on his stars, but he was willing to take the risk.

Vox began his pursuit by trying to strike up conversations with Y/N, but to no avail. She would simply smile and nod, but she never spoke. Undeterred, Vox continued to find ways to spend time with her, whether it was bugging her at work or helping her with tasks around hell for Valentino, claming he just needed to go for business or that it was just a coincidence every time he ' accidentally' ran into her.

As time went on, Vox started to see that there was so much more to Y/N than just her stunning beauty. She had a heart of gold, and her actions spoke louder than any words could. He found himself more and more intrigued with her every day. He might have even begun to develop feelings (not like he would ever admit that)

But Vox knew he had to do something big to try and make her feel the same or atleast to show her that his feelings for her were genuine.

So, he planned a (somewhat) romantic evening under the stars on the rooftop of the Vox-Tech tower. He had it all set up with candles and champagne

He nervously awaited her arrival, unsure if she would even show up. But to his delight, she appeared, a small smile on her face as she took in the scene before her. Vox took her hand and led her to the table, pouring them both a glass of champagne.

As they sat and gazed at the stars, Vox found himself pouring his heart out to Y/N, telling her how much she meant to him and how he had fallen in love with her. He spoke with such passion and sincerity, his persuasive words capturing her heart.

And to Vox's surprise, Y/N spoke for the first time in front of him. "I love you too," she whispered with tears in her eyes.

From that moment on, Vox and Y/N were inseparable. They finally had a chance to get to know each other without the pressure of Valentino's watchful eye. Over time, Y/N's selective mutism faded, and she was able to speak freely to Vox, sharing her thoughts and feelings with him.

Their love only grew stronger with each passing day, and they became the talk of the hell. Vox had won the heart of the one he had been pursuing, and it was all thanks to his persuasive words and genuine love for Y/N. She may have been selectively mute, but to Vox, her voice was the most beautiful sound in the world, and he was grateful for the chance to hear it every day for the rest of their lives.

[unculturalswine]

a little update...

as you might have noticed, i stopped posting wieiads. you may wonder what happened, is everything okay and stuff, etc...

the truth is, its just that i was embarrased and didnt want anyone to see them. i was trying to restrict these days- it was only half succesful though. almost every time i ended up eating more than i wanted to, if not binging of course. i gained back almost 2kilograms... it was a tough week for me tbh. i wasnt even able to think of a reason why cant i control myself- i should have done that tho.

the reason of these binges is probably that i eat too less for my activity level. when i was starting to restrict, i was so weak and lazy that i didnt even want to start working out, so i just completely cut down on cals ofc, down to 600- it was almost half of my bmr, so it was okay since i wasnt even doing anything. but ive started to workout. at first it was just walking so yk didnt make a difference in my wellbeing tbh. but then i started pilates, then running, then gym, and then archery trainings... i truly love sports now! but doing all of this and still trying to stay under 600cals was impossible for me. maybe im weak and someone else could manage, and because of my lack of self-control i failed- i dont know. from not doing anything at all (pal ~1.15) i went to working out every single day (pal ~1.6), so me running out of energy was a matter of time ig. every time i binged, i ate everything that i craved most- carbs, like i could binge on plain wheat buns, or even uncooked pasta (gross..) . i didnt eat enough protein and fats and ive lost my period because of that, mind that im not even underweight- its just lack of nutrients. i cant risk my health, since ive finally found my love- sports. and i want to get better at it, especially archery!

back to math, my tdee is abt ~2000cals rn. of course im not going to eat allat lol- its going to be a little more than half of it (just like it was when i started wl). i think it will be okay. at least i will avoid so many binges. like im not trying to die from malnourishment- i want to be skinny and become happier person because of that, i want to be able to LIVE skinny. im doing this because i actually care for me and my body🫶

i know that 1000cals/day is a big amount for someone who wants to lose weight, and if i could, i would avoid eating this much tbh. but i want to be honest with you, thats why im here- to keep me accountable. also thats the only place where i can share what i really eat without lying, i want to keep it that way lol.

i wont continue doing daily wieiads, it just became boring chore for me, since its just rewriting everything from my calorie tracking app. maybe i'll start sharing a bits of my life, with a focus on food of course. im also changing my calorie goal for higher one in my pinned post. i hope yall arent dissapointed in me☹️

thank you for reading (or scrolling cuz why tf would anyone read allat🫡)

[sillygoblinantics]

hi I just wanted to say that I love ur art style and even tho I found u thru the lily crit community, your other content is why I followed!! anyway hope ur day is going well that's it 😊

*falls out of chair and racing to inbox*

HI! Yeah the crit community has been busy but thanky! I’m sorry it’s gotten wild lately, it’s ok to step away and good to if things get crazy.

I remember when I started I tried to be subtle with my early story and concept tips to respond not directly to lorch but I eventually ripped off the mask or bandaid and full on went in to pick apart like a lil crow. But I was going in without proper ventilation and it got to me so I took time away.

Plus I kinda wanted to post my own work and slowly as I began to warm up to tumblr and run into people who also created stories and were enthusiastic I felt more comfortable sharing and now I’m able to even talk about one of my stories/series that’s been stuck in my head for years!

Ngl if not for the lily crit community, I probably wouldn’t be sharing my brainworms.

Thank you btw! Getting an ask that hasn’t been either a white knight or scam bot is a breath of fresh air! /gen

And my day has been pretty good! Had a workout today and making something for sai right now

I hope you’re also having a nice day too! ^^

[just-a-carrot]

Hey! Just a heads up, I'm sending this to multiple people, since I wanna get as many different viewpoints on this as I can. I hope this doesn't bother you. Also, this is pretty long.

So, I have a question about gamedev, but more on the marketing/presence side.

Most gamedevs I know, even hobbyist ones, keep their accounts relatively professional. Sure, they may shitpost here and there, but it's mostly in relation to their games, the gamedev sphere in general, or very general inoffensive stuff. And, most importantly, I've seldom seen my favorite gamedevs (or any of my favorite internet personalities, for that matter) comment on random videos unrelated to what type of content they usually post.

All of my social media accounts are quite unprofessional. I've also had them for a long time, so there are a few things on my digital footprint that I'd rather people not see. I also, for lack of a better way of explaining, watch and read random shit and like to leave comments on it sometimes.

I feel like, I were to become a gamedev, I wouldn't be able to do that anymore. I'd have to treat my internet presence as its own balancing act, rather than a place for me to express myself unabashedly. I know this is working under the assumption that I would get big and that people would give a damn about me, but there is always the off chance of that happening. Of a random game you make suddenly blowing up because it hit the algorithm just right. So it's better to be prepared. And even if I don't get that big boom in popularity, I still plan to at least make games consistently enough to build a community of their own. Nothing like, huge, but I really enjoy the idea of people enjoying my work and sharing that enjoyment with others. But I don't want that to cross over into my personal life!

I know that's not an impossible feat, but I feel like it kind of destroys the purpose of the internet for me. To me, it's always been a safe space where I could express myself and easily connect with people with similar viewpoints, but I am now coming to odds with this concept as I consider how I want to become a gamedev.

There's also the side note that I don't wanna rebrand. At least not completely. I don't mind cleaning up my accounts or deleting some old ones, but I've grown very attached to being "Quamai". I can't imagine myself having any other online identity, even if there are some cringy moments attached to it.

So, do you have any advice for my situation? How did you personally go about your own online image, and what do you think is the best course of action?

Thank you in advance!

oh gosh what a question ldkjfadl

hmmmm

putting this under a cut because it got long and rambly lakdfa

for me personally i don't think i've ever made that many "right" choices when it comes to how i handle my online presence in game dev, it was mostly just me doing what seemed like the right thing to do at the time. it's also changed a lot all throughout my time as a dev

tho i guess the main thing is that i did create a whole new game dev online identity, so to speak, when i first got into game dev. this wasn't really due to any purposeful thought put into it though and was more just because 1) i didn't really have much online identity anyway at the time and 2) in the beginning i was trying to be more "professional" LOL

when i released easter, i did it without any presence at all. i had no accounts or anything. i literally just finished the game and threw it up on itch and gamejolt using the new studio name i had come up with based on an inside work joke. it wasn't until i started to get a few people talking about the game or linking to it/making vids that i was like hmmm i should have a twitter maybe LOL so like a week later i made a twitter. but i barely posted on it, it was just responding to other people. a year later when i released the 2.0 update i also made a few posts. then thought i might start using it more so started posting just a few random updates of new stuff i was trying out/working on (this was when i made my first couple of posts about early OW stuff)

but then when i shifted out of game dev again for a while, i abandoned it

it wasn't until august of 2021 that i began actively using my account again to post production updates for work on ow. but back then i was a lot more "emotionless" for lack of a better word. like i approached it in a more no-nonsense way than i do today. i also never got that much response from it either, usually lucky to get like 2 or 3 likes on stuff 🤣 over the course of that first year or so though i would change a lot in how i handled my online stuff, acting much more like myself, interacting a lot more with people, and getting increasingly more unhinged(???) LOL perhaps because i'd begun to see that being "super professional" when i'm just a little random person making a game all by myself there's no reason to be so stiff (and it's just much more fun and genuine to not be afraid to be myself and be a bit silly). over this time was also when i'd shift away from using my studio name and just taking the "carrot" identity. because i realized i didn't like people thinking about me as an impersonal studio and wanted to just be me, carrot, interacting with people, making games, and getting unhinged about my chars and stories

is this the right way to do it???? i have no idea. but perhaps since i never have any aspirations of grandeur and don't plan to be any kind of business, it's fine for me. and while it's true that i don't like to post, reblog, interact with, content unrelated to my games or other VN stuff, that's mostly because i don't want to annoy people who i know only follow me for game stuff (i worry about annoying people a lot, actually, it might be one of the core foundations for how i handle myself online LMAO). i don't have any other presence online though. once i started my game dev stuff, carrot became me, and it's all that's out there. so it's not like i need to "separate" anything. but also i'm not a very avid user of social media in general so it's not like i have an active desire to have different accounts so i can tweet about or comment on other stuff lakdjfasd i'm an old socially anxious duck who gets mentally exhausted just scrolling my feed. i don't need to spend any more time online than i already do with my game dev stuff hahaha. i do know some other devs though for instance that have private accounts on twitter just for their friends and more personal thoughts. so that's always an option too

as for what you should do in your own situation with your own online presence, i'm not really sure, as it all comes down to what you want. for me, since i didn't have much presence anyway, and because i wanted my game dev stuff to be its own thing, it made sense for me to create a new presence just for game dev (that eventually evolved into my entire self LKDJFAS). so it's hard for me to say what would be the best course of action if you already have an online presence that forms a core part of your identity that you don't want to lose. it also depends on what you want to eventually do with your games and if you see yourself really wanting to pursue it actively and make it a big part of your life. most devs that i know do have "game dev" presences for lack of a better word, where if you go to their accounts, it's just for game dev. or they create studios and studio accounts. i think no matter what you decide to do, even if you keep the name the same, it would probably be best to at least keep your game dev stuff separate, because people could potentially be put off from following an account for games but then their feed gets filled with a lot of non-game stuff from you that they don't care about

no matter what you decide to do though, i recommend being yourself no matter what. whether you keep with your same identity or craft a new game dev only one, still do what feels right for you on that account and be yourself and have fun with it!! game dev can already be such an isolating and hard experience, so creating a space where you can be silly and have fun with other devs and fun with your chars and ideas can really help so much to give you motivation and just enjoy your time creating games!!!

(sorry if this was a complete ramble that didn't even still fully answer the question; i can only speak from my own personal experiences that i went through after all and i don't really have any good or professional answers since i also have no idea what i'm doing most of the time 🤣)

[valeffelees]

An Ask Game for Writers to Procrastinate Working on Your WIP(s)

thank you kindly for tagging me @shrekgogurt @youarenevertooold, and @monbons i've been seeing this game make its rounds on my dash and was really hoping someone would pull me in!

🦈 Tell us the name of one of your WIP(s)

my main three wips at the moment are without sun, ballad of the final sparrow, which is more commonly known as bitverse, and fragile things (and how to break them), but i've also been fucking around a bit the last two or three weeks with a new (terrible, evil, very self-indulgent) wip called god-forbid.

🍄 Describe one of your WIPs in the format of “___ + ___ =___”  

i think i might be dumb bc i don't understand this question at all.

🌍 What tags or warnings will your WIP(s) need if you intend to share it?

bitverse: heavy angst, psychological horror elements, alcohol abuse, allusions to suicide, unhealthy coping mechanisms, dead dove: do not eat.

🧭 An alternative title to one of your WIP(s)?

ballad of the final sparrow -> baz is typing fragile things (and how to break them) -> there's a werewolf in london god-forbid -> the gap between a tragedy and comedy

⚠️ Which WIP you’re most likely to finish or update next?

i have no idea. i mean, you'd think the answer would be without sun since it's the only fic i actually have posted at the moment, but unfortunately i am an untrustworthy villain.

💾 What is the document of your WIP called? (Not the story title, but what you’ve saved it as.)

same as the fic title. if i start a new wip and don't know what to call it, i'll pick something at random and add (working title) at the end.

🖍 Post any sentence from your WIP

from without sun:

“You don’t like peppermint,” he says. But maybe she does. Maybe that’s one more thing he can add to his growing list of things he got wrong about Agatha Wellbelove. No. 1 — Dislikes peppermint; actually, she is quite fond of it. No. 2 — Likes Simon Snow; him, not so much.

♻️ A scrapped idea for your current WIP

one of the biggest changes i made to the plot of without sun really early on was penelope's role in the story. i had a clear idea of the story i wanted to tell as soon as i saw the prompt for the fic. without sun was always supposed to be about more than simon and baz. the story is about grief and love, and the space we take up in the lives of the people around us. but n e way, in my orig draft, penny was actually supposed to be able to communicate with simon a bit, and there was gonna be a whole sect of scenes in the middle of the fic where they sat around together trying to break simon's curse what we know and what we don't know style via passing notes. i ended up tossing this idea really quickly tho, and i'm glad i did bc one of my favourite moments i've ever written in any fic happens in chapter two of without sun and it belongs to simon and penny.

🤔 What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

so many. or, well—what counts as "haven't even started"? i hate to let ideas sit around in my head bc it feels like leaving raspberries in the fridge for too long, like that shit is gonna get mould on it, so usually the first thing i do is rough out a few scenes and/or script out a very rough outline of the plot (like this / this / this style) so that i have something to come back to later. i have dozens of zero drafts just lying tf around. but otherwise, yeah, so many. one big idea i have is called heart on fire and it's based on fanart, but i haven't started it yet bc obvs i wanna get permission from the artist first but i've been holding off reaching out to them about it until i've knocked a few of my less intimidating longfics off my wip list bc heart on fire is gonna fucking hefty so i don't wanna give'r until i'm sure i can manage it.

🤡 How many WIPs are you actively working on?

LMFAO

🛠 Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

i'm having a real bitch of a time with agatha's main scene in chapter two of without sun, i've been fighting with it on and off for months, but i can't get it to do what i want it to do.

❤️ Not a question, just a second kudos to send.

cheers!

sorry for any doubles but, tagging: @drowninginships @cosmicalart @that-disabled-princess @fatalfangirl @cutestkilla @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @artsyunderstudy @thewholelemon @roomwithanopenfire @hushed-chorus @blackberrysummerblog @imagineacoolusername @nightimedreamersworld @prettygoododds @confused-bi-queer @mooncello and an open tag for anybody else who wants to procrastinate their wips!

[alphabetboyluvr]

hiii holly! i hope november's treating you kindly so far!

i wanted to ask whether you have any advice for writers that are just starting to publish. literally any modicum would be greatly appreciated.

it's really hard to assess whether one's writing is any good when literally no one ever reads it :( at the same time, I know I should write for myself first and foremost. can't help but want to be held accountable by the possibility of an audience, tho (maybe that's just my brain chemistry??) I fall into the pit of thinking "if no one's reading it, why am I even writing? I can daydream indefinitely and be satisfied. Why write?" Yet I always come back to writing; it's something magnetic.

it's not the same to ask close friends to read ur stuff bc they are ur friends, and may not give you the sincerity ur looking for so as to not discomfort u. conversely, they might not be interested enough so as to pick up on the fine details.

f/u question: how do you deal with publishing your work on the internet for free? does it ever scare you that strangers could copy and republish ur work without your knowing?

I guess that's one of my main apprehensions about posting loyally on writing platforms. I'm scared I'll write something I'm very proud of and have it plagiarized and not be able to track it back as my original property??

anyways, enough of my self-exposing on your q and a's feeling v vulnerable sharing my doubts so openly lol

thank youuuu :) ly <3

hiyaaa!! it's getting chilly, i won't lie, but other than that November has been pretty typical. likewise, i hope it's treating you well too!

honestly the fact you casually drop words like modicum probably suggests you're a paygrade above me in terms of writing hahaha

my answer is a long (srsly i just kept on going lmao) ramble, so I'll put a read more here haha

i've many lovely friends who i absolutely adore that I've met through writing that are now irls, but none of my friends that i know independently outside of writing have ever read my stuff - I've even got irl friends who are deep in the ao3 trenches, who are paying for other tannie writers' patreons, but we have an unspoken rule that my work is not to be read by them. i just don't let my friends read my work, full stop, so i get that sentiment.

the thing is, humans are naturally inclined to be storytellers - it's been that way for thousands of years. our tales are meant to be told. sharing is just a very human thing for us to do.

I've been publishing on wattpad (within the tannie space) for 4 years, now. readers didn't appear overnight - i actually recently found a screenshot of you up? from march 2021. it had 28 parts, 2.03k reads and 313 votes.

it now sits at 62 parts, 1.45million reads and 55k votes.

that's a little bit perspective for you, i guess - i'd written half of an entire novel that was averaging around 70 reads per chapter, but i loved that world, and i had story to tell, so i told it. some people viscerally hated it, some loved it. i was writing for me, and the numbers prove that. if you worry about the numbers, you'll never satisfied.

similarly, comparison is the thief of joy, or so they say.

comparing yourself to other writers is never healthy. there are far more 'successful' authors on wp in terms of reads, but i genuinely mean it when i say i think i have the most fulfilling and rewarding space on tannie wp because my readers are so unbelievably lovely. i wouldn't trade my current readership for bigger numbers, not a chance.

in terms of plagarism, there are 170,000 words in current use within the english language, and 36 plot types. we've exhausted a lot of them, already. overlap and similarities are bound to occur, so i try not get fixated on it.

take cv for example - i was so gassed up with myself when coining the terms mono and multi, only to find out after i'd finished writing the story that there was a drama with a similar concept that also used the term mono for a similar condition that aired after i'd already started writing cv. overlap happens.

similarly, we're a product of the media we consume. endeavour is my favourite word, because it was in a song i liked when i was a teenager and it stuck with me. i use it all the time, and we can trace it back to the pen of alex gaskarth lmao.

I've seen readers of mine publish work that's been heavily inspired by my work - with and without 'permission' - and i just sort of shrug my shoulders whenever i notice it.

the way i see it, we'll never tell the exact same story. likewise, no two readers will ever read identical texts the same way. i encourage creativity, and know how important it is for me to empty my brain, so I'll never go for someone's throat for doing the same. that's how myths were born, right? people telling and retelling the same stories over and over again? how am i gonna write a romeo & juliet x greek mythology inspired fic and then get annoyed for someone taking inspo from me?

just like the way hair will always grow back after a terrible cut, new words can always be written after a disappointing discovery. idk, i just don't take it very seriously, i guess.

as for whether or not your writing is any good - it's totally subjective. there are people who have explicitly, publicly stated their disdain for my writing. I've had cruel opinions about my writing projected and amplified to large followings. and it sucks.

but there are people who have been exceptionally kind about my writing, too. i get some of the loveliest messages in the world. there are tiktoks with hundreds of comments of just unadulterated loveliness directed towards my work. I'm afforded so much grace and love that it can be overwhelming at times.

not everything is for everyone, and that's okay. you can't let yourself get hung up on pleasing everyone.

the one thing i will say, is that if you're seriously concerned about your IP, write original characters, and use wattpad as your platform. i know they have a reputation, but they give a shit about copyright infringement and the second someone gets reported for plagiarism, they'll investigate it, and take down the story.

no reward without risk - you gotta decide if the risk of plagiarism is worth the reward of sharing your work.

and plus, ai is taking over anyways. may aswell write while we still can lol.

so i guess tl;dr - don't let outside influence impact your internal need to create. the right readers will find your work eventually, but it's not an overnight miracle kinda thing. if i stopped writing just because i didn't see results in my stats, then i would have stopped after kumiho, and we'd have never gotten throttle, or bd, or anything else of mine you might have read.

do it because you love it, and it fulfils you. i love the communities built around my stories, and that's why i share them. writing without sharing doesn't fulfil me in the same way.

okay i've really rambled too much so i'll leave it here, but i hope that helps a little!!! or at least has given you insight into my brain!!!!!!

luv u byeeeeeee

[luffythinker]

can i share my notes from something im writing with you? it's Overhaul/Shigaraki anon, cause i've been thinking about them.

i didn't really understand how to write enemies-to-lovers so i was looking up stuff on tumblr to see if i could get help AND GOD DID I GET THE HELP I NEEDED, now if only i could write njkdvngjkd

my notes that are pulled from some of the questions on the post i was reading.

-----

Why do they hate eachother?: (the post asked for a reason they hate eachother so i had to think about it)

Shigaraki hates Overhaul because he considers Overhaul to be "high and mighty"

Overhaul hates Shigaraki because he doesn’t think things through and has no plans for any of his movements (like plans) he’s a “Daydreamer without a plan”

How can you fix it?

it’s important to find a way to make them both see the other person as a normal human being with their own hopes and problems and not just this unshakeable image of an always bad enemy

let actions speak louder than words

for example character A thinks character B is rude and inconsiderate and only interested in themself - but then A sees B doing something completely selfless

See where im going with this? Bounces my eyebrows

Slowly falling in love

it wouldn’t be enough to see them being selfless to make them completely change their mind and fall in love, but it would make them rethink what they thought about the other one and maybe try to get to know them better, because they realized there is so much more to learn and they maybe judged too soon

my thoughts/notes

Overhaul realizing there is more to Shigaraki. he can learn, he can plan he just chooses not to cause the chaos route is easier? he doesn’t know but he would like to see more to Shigaraki using his brain. lol Only way he's gonna see it is hanging out with him

Shigaraki learns that Overhaul actually does care about the 8 precepts of death and other people maybe after risking himself just a little to save/help someone else MAYBE EVEN SHIG. this is interesting cause he thought he Overhaul only thought people were expendable tools.

a changed behavior in one character could then trigger the other one into rethinking their bad relationship

(my input: both of them thinking: MAYBE he isn’t so bad)

finding something that they have in common or that they like about the other one can pave the way for a neutral relationship that then turns into something more

i'm so shrug here i don't know what Overhaul and Shigaraki could have in common.

it rarely goes directly from hate to love, especially because this could be an indicator for rash actions and mood swings towards each other that could be harmful in a relationship

it’s more like hate turning into acceptance and understanding and then slowly to love

this advice was so good tho, acceptance and understanding turns into love THATS WHAT LOVE IS, i just wanted to share this with you :)

I'm blown away by the thoughtfulness you put into this, I'm so happy to be able to see a part of this <3

My thoughts aren't as organized as you put here, but I agree with why they would hate each other initially. If your fic is set in the canon verse I guess you could play into how they both view their groups, for all its worth Shigaraki really does care about the LOV, so even if he is not a planner and strategist like Overhaul, maybe if Chisaki saw how Shigaraki can pause and think back to protect the members it could set him for some curiosity, realizing that there is more than just impulsivity in him. Make up a mission where they have to work together after that and in this they have to play their strengths and work on their flaws, this makes them more open to each other.

And I agree, love is accepting and understanding someone in their entirety <3 (one day we gotta talk about love as a concept cause I love this topic so much!!)

[hellishboots]

if u know me personally do not read this or i stg

Tw 4 liek, a vent ig. And a longass ramble. Zeddy if u somehow reading this, i still think ur fucking awesome, this iznt targeted 2wardz u this iz just my own mental issuez lmao 😂😂😂

I… shud b asleep az im writing this. I just cant sleep, without putting my racing thoughtz in2 actual wordz tho. A few yearz ago, around 2020, i found this really cool animation on youtube (a pebble animation set 2 lollipop) and it introduced me 2 this amazing comic, ramshackle. Eventually, that comic led me 2 the tumblr of the creator, and man i just fell in love w zeddyziz blog and all her work. What i especially loved waz the fandom. It waz small, homely, friendly and felt so safe and happy.

Ramshackle quickly became my biggest special interest. I wud regularly just… think abt the characterz (stone especially) and grin 2 myself and kick my feet. On the many, many nightz insomnia kept me up, i wud go on my laptop, type a random keyword in2 zeddyz blog, and look at all the postz that were under that word. I waz a fucking master at memorizing zeddyz postz It waz amazing.

This carried on 4 a while. I started a tumblr blog specifically 2 autism out over my fave characterz. Zeddy even acknowledged a lot of my fanart of ramshackle, wich really strengthened my parasocial bond w them. And i know. I know parasocial bondz r bad, but i cudnt help it. I felt on top of the world, liek i waz her biggest fan, and she knew me personally and, obviously i didnt think we were friendz, (im not THAT mentally ill) but i felt liek she had… at least positive feelingz abt me? It waz so great and amazing. It genuinely improved and irreversibly changed my life.

 I started getting in2 punk, indie stuff, i skateboarded and spent more time outside,  i drew so much fanart. I even made ocz that started out az poor ripoffz of the ram fam, altho they did grow far beyond that eventually. After a few yearz of this, zeddy posted some amazing newz. They were making an animated pilot 4 ramshackle! I truly cannot describe how ecstatic i waz, it waz liek my entire blood supply had been replaced w the energy of the sun.

And dont even get me started on how excited i waz when the funding goal waz reached. I waz on cloud 9. I patiently waited 4 the pilot 2 come out, and when it did, i waz amazed. It waz everything i cudve hoped 4. I fucking LOVED it w all my heart and soul. But then… other ppl started 2 watch it. And.., they made youtube videoz abt it. Around 1000 new ppl joined the discord server. This might sound liek a great thing. Wow, iznt it so great how succesful it iz?

But 2 me, it waz actually 1 of the worst thingz that cudve happened. Now, b4 u just brush me off az a toxic gatekeeper, i need u 2 understand where im coming from. This may seem unrelated but, a past special interest of mine haz been scp videoz. I waz enamored by the possibilitiez of the format, and i loved watching the videoz. I loved them so much, in fact, that i felt i shud share them w some1. Who? My mom! She wud liek them 2, right? Well, long story short, she said i cudnt watch them any more 4 az long az i lived w her. Honestly, she cud have ripped out my heart and put it in a blender, and it wudve caused me less pain than that.

There have also been other instancez of family memberz finding out abt stuff i rlly liek, and then completely ruining it 4 me az soon az they discover it. So yea… itz been ingrained in me that other ppl finding out abt special interest=threat 2 my own heart and soul. And i knoww itz not logical. My autistic gatekeeping doez not function in logic, it functionz in trauma and, idk, possibly other thingz. Did i mention im autistic?

Az much az i tried 2 make myself ok w zeddy becoming more popular, i truly cud not. And that SUCKZ. i want 2 enjoy the new fanz, i want 2 b ok w youtuberz talking abt it, and i want 2 still b able 2 call ramshackle my #1 special interest. But u cant alwayz get what u want, apparently. And ik u might b thinking "oh boohoo, do u need me 2 play u a song on the worldz smallest violin? Itz not even that big of a deal" but i am being so fr w u when i tell u ive had NIGHTMAREZ and borderline panic attackz abt this. Abt ppl in my life finding out abt ramshackle and then ruining it 4 me.

And, i guess, bcoz of that fear, i kindaa ruined it 4 myself. Damn. I truly do hope eventually i can deal w the new fandom, but, itz been over a year since the incident, and it still burnz just az much. It feelz liek i waz a little worm under a rock, jamming out w my bug friendz, having an absolute fucking blast, and then a shit ton of other bugz crammed under the same rock, pushing me out and exposing me 2 the sun, there4 killing me. Iz the rock alot bigger than i think it iz? Probably. But i waz still pushed out and killed. Damn this metaphor fucking suckz. Ig what im trying 2 say iz i literally cant not gatekeep. Itz in my bonez. I try and i try and i try 2 b chill and cool, but itz actually impossible 4 me.

Bc in the back of my head, i fear that ramshackle iz mainstream now. I fear the ppl around me irl know abt it, but they dont see it in the special way i do, wich just, killz my soul, and i dont know why. I mean, 1 reason iz bc the larger a fandom getz, the more toxic and divisive it getz, and if any of zeddyz work ever got 2 that point i wud genuinely cry myself 2 sleep every night.

I just… i just miss when the ramshackle fandom felt liek a small town where u knew every1, yk? I waz familiar w my neighborz b4, idk who these fucking strangerz r. Moving in on my own goddamn lawn. Idk, if just suckz man. I still love zeddyz stuff, i just,, dont know if itll ever b the same again.

[countdown-123]

4 days until my life begins

I'm very excited for the surgery. it's a necessity for me, and honestly I'm frustrated that a life saving surgery has been put off so far and the whole process took over a year from referral to surgery. that's an unacceptable wait time for something I've been suicidal over since I was like 13

but that's something I've talked about before

a new anxiety has come up

I saw a pic of someone's (post surgery) chest and I really hope mine doesn't turn out like theirs

there was nothing messed up with the surgery I think, and they seem happy. this post isn't about them, it's about the anxiety that it sparked in me. what if my results aren't good? what if there's still residual of my boob shapes? that's what I'm afraid of. the scars are cool and I don't care about them. my nipples looking odd would make me a little self conscious, but it's better than what I have. but the picture I saw really has me nervous cause there was still like, idk, a boob shape, even after surgery

I've messaged the two people I know who got surgery (one even had the same surgeon as me) and asked if they were comfortable sharing pics of their results. I'm hoping that seeing their success will help me feel better

I'm so scared now tho. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not want to die! is that too much to ask?

I keep having really bad bouts of dysphoria when I think about cis men. I've come very far in actually liking my body, and I'm very happy with my shape in general. but when I remember that I can spend years of my life and 10s of thousands of dollars and still not have what they get for free. it's so frustrating! it makes me feel like life isn't even worth it. like I can't have an adams apple without surgery. I can't have a strong jawline without surgery (or weight loss which I can't do cause I'm barely at a healthy weight now from past EDs). I will never have a fully functioning penis. I'll always just be transitioning towards the body I want

it's so fucking depressing

and I don't always believe all of that. like I said I am very happy with many parts of my body. and I don't have a ton of dysphoria about my genitals (yet). but there's always the spectre of this pain. if I remember it, then everything comes crashing down and I feel hopeless again

sometimes it just doesn't feel like all this effort is worth it

well this was a lot more depressing than I meant for it to be. I only meant to vent about the one new anxiety but I remembered the other pain I've been dealing with

im absolutely ready for this surgery to be here already. I'm so tired of waiting for something I should never have had to deal with. I'm so tired of waiting for something I should have been done with a year ago. I'm tired of being reminded every moment of how my body has worked against me. I'm tired of half of my interactions with customers being painful. I'm tired of feeling behind my sister (tho that won't go away I think, but at least I won't be as frustrated with her for no reason). I'm just tired of being trans sometimes

it's not like I have any other option. and I love celebrating our community and teaching others. but for myself, for my own vent blog, for my eyes only, I'm so fucking tired of the constant pain

and that's not even getting into the political stuff. I just want to not want to kill myself when I see my reflection. but apparently that's too much to ask

[thedivinemechanism]

Sorry for spamming u today, but I, the солянка anon, just sent you a rlly long ask and now im worried that its going to get cut off cuz idk how tumblr works and whether it tells you when you exceed the charavter limit so now im really worried even though this is such a dumb thing to worry about :(

Ugh :(((((

Have a nice day tho🥳💞🧚‍♂️💓💞🥳

And please somehow lmk if it is cutoff i really want you to see the full thing (if you want to see it too ofc(its fine if you dont))

(Ooc response)

I thiiiiink I got the whole ask. I don't think tumblr usually cuts posts, and the character limit is usually pretty long ::P

But there's no need to worry about spam!! I love hearing from you guys! It really makes my day!

These roleplay responses have actually been a very fun and easy way for me to engage in fanworks without involving overwhelming amounts of dedication or energy. And playing as viktor has given me a chance to express some of the complicated feeling I have/have had with my own real-life disability that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to share. It's been really fun and very cathartic. I look forward to more asks from everyone and hope you've enjoyed things so far 🩶

[luxu-loveskh]

OH SRRY ur new game + au (the Musketeers post is what brought my attention) that's the one I was referring to

I sed XD11

sure im happy to share info about it

I actually have a fic im working on for it but i havent been able to get the energy to continue the fic

although i will do it

eventually

but if ur interested in reading a short chapter its called a messy second chance on ao3

now to somw details regarding the au

Its an new game + au where a velvet room attendant(my oc to be exact,since lavenza has a different role) tried to send sumire,akechi and joker back in time qfter they lost the battle against maruki

Sadly the attendant messed up and got the 3 scrambled all around

Sumi got stuck in a loop where shr had to watch different version of her sisters death endlessly,not even able to save her until akechi steps in on accident pulling both of the siblings off the road

a simple move able to change alot (since hes q wildcard)

Akechis situation is that he woke up a few days before the day where he would have to kill wakaba

he decides to pack his stuff and to go into hiding hoping it would stop any kind of attempt of shido doing shit

It sadly didnt,meaning someone else is the black mask

Akirens situation is that before he really could regain his memories yaldaboths stepped in so akirens memories are locked away and he only experiences them in dreams

Futaba is the blackmask in this au,When akechi finds out he takes her into the musketeers(named by sumire) to make sure she doesnt commit crimes

Sophia was created by futaba as a helper in this au

and im debating on giving her a body in reality

The musketeers and the phantom thiefs exist both at the same time

The musketeers dont steal hearts tho,they force the shadow of a person to return to their real counterpart qnd leave the treasure

it was originally an accident do to the palace breaking before they could get the treasure

but sending a shadow away without taking the distorted desires would make a person hate the item they once cherished and they would be forced to do smth about their sins getting reminded everytike they see the item

So the mussketeers change hearts but not really

i have probably alot more info but i don't want to make this to long of a post while also wanting to leave sole plot points open for when i continue my fic and/or my comics

oh right i qlso got a few comics related to the au,i think one is currently posted