#honestly im not sure im qualified to answer this

[alphabetboyluvr]

hiii holly! i hope november's treating you kindly so far!

i wanted to ask whether you have any advice for writers that are just starting to publish. literally any modicum would be greatly appreciated.

it's really hard to assess whether one's writing is any good when literally no one ever reads it :( at the same time, I know I should write for myself first and foremost. can't help but want to be held accountable by the possibility of an audience, tho (maybe that's just my brain chemistry??) I fall into the pit of thinking "if no one's reading it, why am I even writing? I can daydream indefinitely and be satisfied. Why write?" Yet I always come back to writing; it's something magnetic.

it's not the same to ask close friends to read ur stuff bc they are ur friends, and may not give you the sincerity ur looking for so as to not discomfort u. conversely, they might not be interested enough so as to pick up on the fine details.

f/u question: how do you deal with publishing your work on the internet for free? does it ever scare you that strangers could copy and republish ur work without your knowing?

I guess that's one of my main apprehensions about posting loyally on writing platforms. I'm scared I'll write something I'm very proud of and have it plagiarized and not be able to track it back as my original property??

anyways, enough of my self-exposing on your q and a's feeling v vulnerable sharing my doubts so openly lol

thank youuuu :) ly <3

hiyaaa!! it's getting chilly, i won't lie, but other than that November has been pretty typical. likewise, i hope it's treating you well too!

honestly the fact you casually drop words like modicum probably suggests you're a paygrade above me in terms of writing hahaha

my answer is a long (srsly i just kept on going lmao) ramble, so I'll put a read more here haha

i've many lovely friends who i absolutely adore that I've met through writing that are now irls, but none of my friends that i know independently outside of writing have ever read my stuff - I've even got irl friends who are deep in the ao3 trenches, who are paying for other tannie writers' patreons, but we have an unspoken rule that my work is not to be read by them. i just don't let my friends read my work, full stop, so i get that sentiment.

the thing is, humans are naturally inclined to be storytellers - it's been that way for thousands of years. our tales are meant to be told. sharing is just a very human thing for us to do.

I've been publishing on wattpad (within the tannie space) for 4 years, now. readers didn't appear overnight - i actually recently found a screenshot of you up? from march 2021. it had 28 parts, 2.03k reads and 313 votes.

it now sits at 62 parts, 1.45million reads and 55k votes.

that's a little bit perspective for you, i guess - i'd written half of an entire novel that was averaging around 70 reads per chapter, but i loved that world, and i had story to tell, so i told it. some people viscerally hated it, some loved it. i was writing for me, and the numbers prove that. if you worry about the numbers, you'll never satisfied.

similarly, comparison is the thief of joy, or so they say.

comparing yourself to other writers is never healthy. there are far more 'successful' authors on wp in terms of reads, but i genuinely mean it when i say i think i have the most fulfilling and rewarding space on tannie wp because my readers are so unbelievably lovely. i wouldn't trade my current readership for bigger numbers, not a chance.

in terms of plagarism, there are 170,000 words in current use within the english language, and 36 plot types. we've exhausted a lot of them, already. overlap and similarities are bound to occur, so i try not get fixated on it.

take cv for example - i was so gassed up with myself when coining the terms mono and multi, only to find out after i'd finished writing the story that there was a drama with a similar concept that also used the term mono for a similar condition that aired after i'd already started writing cv. overlap happens.

similarly, we're a product of the media we consume. endeavour is my favourite word, because it was in a song i liked when i was a teenager and it stuck with me. i use it all the time, and we can trace it back to the pen of alex gaskarth lmao.

I've seen readers of mine publish work that's been heavily inspired by my work - with and without 'permission' - and i just sort of shrug my shoulders whenever i notice it.

the way i see it, we'll never tell the exact same story. likewise, no two readers will ever read identical texts the same way. i encourage creativity, and know how important it is for me to empty my brain, so I'll never go for someone's throat for doing the same. that's how myths were born, right? people telling and retelling the same stories over and over again? how am i gonna write a romeo & juliet x greek mythology inspired fic and then get annoyed for someone taking inspo from me?

just like the way hair will always grow back after a terrible cut, new words can always be written after a disappointing discovery. idk, i just don't take it very seriously, i guess.

as for whether or not your writing is any good - it's totally subjective. there are people who have explicitly, publicly stated their disdain for my writing. I've had cruel opinions about my writing projected and amplified to large followings. and it sucks.

but there are people who have been exceptionally kind about my writing, too. i get some of the loveliest messages in the world. there are tiktoks with hundreds of comments of just unadulterated loveliness directed towards my work. I'm afforded so much grace and love that it can be overwhelming at times.

not everything is for everyone, and that's okay. you can't let yourself get hung up on pleasing everyone.

the one thing i will say, is that if you're seriously concerned about your IP, write original characters, and use wattpad as your platform. i know they have a reputation, but they give a shit about copyright infringement and the second someone gets reported for plagiarism, they'll investigate it, and take down the story.

no reward without risk - you gotta decide if the risk of plagiarism is worth the reward of sharing your work.

and plus, ai is taking over anyways. may aswell write while we still can lol.

so i guess tl;dr - don't let outside influence impact your internal need to create. the right readers will find your work eventually, but it's not an overnight miracle kinda thing. if i stopped writing just because i didn't see results in my stats, then i would have stopped after kumiho, and we'd have never gotten throttle, or bd, or anything else of mine you might have read.

do it because you love it, and it fulfils you. i love the communities built around my stories, and that's why i share them. writing without sharing doesn't fulfil me in the same way.

okay i've really rambled too much so i'll leave it here, but i hope that helps a little!!! or at least has given you insight into my brain!!!!!!

luv u byeeeeeee

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part three

authors note: hi! its me again. i had some free time and most of this chapter was completed, sans gaps and editing, so i figured why not?

thank you everyone for all of the kind words, like im still so floored just how many people like the random shit that comes from my head!!!

also, some tags don't seem to work for some reason, like when i type it, the hyperlink doesn't appear so super sorry to those impacted by that!!!

warnings: angsttttt, language, suggestive content

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

word count: 4.2k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wonderingfashion

You were sixteen years old the first time you drank alcohol. Truly, a result of peer pressure. Alcohol never seemed as amazing as your friends tried to preach it to be, not with the amount of hair you’d held back while your friends retched their entire days consumption in toilet bowls. 

Just didn’t seem all that appealing.

And then it was homecoming, and your school won the game, qualifying them for state. The whole town was in celebration, but no one was as lit as the football team. And, of course, dating the quarterback at the time and as cheer captain, your presence was damn near a requirement. High school politics and all.

So, you, Amir, and your closest friends spent the night house hopping, partying at one place for a little while before moving on to the next. And at some point, at some stop, you’d been convinced to try a beer. Honestly, it was disgusting as fuck, but a small part of you didn’t want to be the one prude of your group, so you downed it. And then another. Followed by another. Which preceded one more. 

And by the end of the night, you truly were white girl wasted.

You thank God that you had good friends at the time who made sure you made it home safely, because you absolutely did black out. Amir did too, hence him not being the one responsible for your care.

When you woke up that morning, the first thing you did was dart to the bathroom where you emptied your guts. The second? Panic. You were terrified of your mother finding out that not only had you engaged in underage drinking, literally violating the damn law, but you’d gotten so wasted that you blacked out. It was incredibly stupid and highly dangerous. Your chest tightened and stomach coiled at how she would react if and when she realized what you’d done.

That was the most scared and nervous you’ve ever been in your entire life.

Well, up until now.

Because all you can focus, think, and obsess about is the fact that Joe will be in your state, in your town, in your damn apartment in a matter of hours. He’d text you in the middle of the night a screenshot of his flight information indicating an arrival time much earlier than you were hoping for. 

Dread swept over as you sent him a message asking if he would stay at the same hotel he usually used when visiting, not that it got much use. He typically stayed with you during his visits. But, you offered to meet him there instead, feeling more comfortable if you were out of this setting, not in your apartment that had some type of reminder of Callie in damn near every room.

It took longer than you liked for him to respond, and his answer only served to increase your anxiety and trigger some anger.

No. I’m coming to you.

That was it, no explanation to your follow up texts which you know he read cause bastard had his read receipts on. Just radio silence.

That pissed you off even more, because why the hell was he ignoring you? Wasn’t he about to come talk to you about something anyway?

Oh.

Your stomach tightens. Not knowing what the hell he wants is driving you insane. You know why you reached out to him, but why did he seem so keen on speaking to you? It’d been nearly five years, what could have happened to trigger this sudden desire to reconnect?

And why the hell did he respond so quickly to your initial message? Truthfully, you expected no response whatever, convinced that he’d probably changed numbers after his massive increase in fame. Or, for him to at least hit you with the ‘who is this’? But, he didn’t, he called you and immediately knew who you were.

A tiny gasp leaves your mouth. That must have meant he still had your number saved, the same way you still have his in your contact list.

You….you don’t know what to make of that, don’t know what to make of it at all.

“Mommy, why am I spending the night with Aunt Mariah?”

Callie’s soft voice temporarily eases you from your panic, granted it also makes you aware of how she’s clearly unhappy about this. You know why too. Sundays are always your ‘special days,’ where you spend the entire day together doing the most random of things from baking, to playing game, to random dance parties that sometimes result in neighbors politely asking you to keep the noise down. It’s a tradition, and this is the first time since starting said tradition that it won’t be happening. 

Closing up her drawer where you were just digging for some pajamas for her, you move to sit next to her on her bed. Her head is down as she plays with the stuffed animal in her arms. “I’m sorry, baby. I know this is our day, but mommy just has some business she has to take care of.”

She keeps her head down, voice low. “Can’t you do it tomorrow?

Fuck. You hate disappointing her. “I wish, baby, but it can’t wait.” More like he won’t wait. You’re not sure what you would have proposed regarding a time to discuss, well, Callie, but it certainly wouldn’t have been the next damn day. “Hey, how about this? Why don’t you and I stay home tomorrow and have a special special day on Monday?”

At that, her head lifts, eyes sparkling with renewed excitement. “Really?”

“Yup. Mommy can take some time off, and you can miss a day of school. It won’t kill us.” You rarely ever take time off as it is, mostly because a teacher’s salary isn’t anything to write home about. You have to work your ass off to keep a roof over your and Callie’s head. But also….you’re not even sure what frame of mind you’re going to be in following this meeting with Joe, so better safe than sorry. “But only if we can watch The Lion King first.”

Clearly pleased with this compromise, she offers you her pink finger. “Deal!”

You two seal the deal with a pinky swear as you hold her into your side and sigh heavily. You wish that you two could stay like this forever. “I love you, Callie. Okay? Always remember that.”

________

“He’s what?”

You anxiously chew on the nasty ass protein bar Mariah offered you after you realized you’d barely had anything to eat today. It was a part of the latest dietary plan she was following, probably something she found from one of those weird ass dieting groups she was a member of on Facebook.

You loved Mariah, dearly, but as you two grew older, especially after having her baby boy, Micah, she’d become increasingly insecure about her body. Always the smaller, thinner, more athletic of the two, you knew that she struggled with how much weight she’d put on over the years, especially when her plan to drop the baby weight didn’t pan out. You're not sure she’s lost any of it, to be honest. 

It wasn’t even a massive weight gain, and truthfully, you thought curves suited her well. But, it didn’t matter what you thought. What mattered was how she felt, which wasn’t the best, despite your best efforts to build up her confidence.

“He’s coming into town,” you finally answer, debating if you should offer her the rest of this grass in bar form. Why the hell is it so damn grainy?

“Today? He’s coming into town today?” You nod. “I’m sorry, I must have missed a couple chapters.”

“More like volumes,” you murmurs, sourly. It’s a great opportunity for you to set aside the dirt bar and explain to her everything she’d missed, from Callie’s initial inquiry to your calling him, to him sending you an itinerary for a flight arriving in roughly three hours at this point.

“Holy shit,” she whispers, careful of her volume despite Micah and Callie being occupied in the living room watching Bluey. “What are you going to do? What are you going to say to him? This is….this is bad, girl.”

“You think I don’t know that?” You lay your head against her kitchen island and force yourself to take three, big, deep breaths. “I don’t think I can do this.” 

You hear her exhale. “Don’t say that.”

“I’m serious, Mo. I—” You lift your head and try your best not to cry. Tears won’t do anything to help the situation. “I don’t know what he wants, but it’s obvious he’s angry with me already, and I can’t imagine when I tell him about Callie that he’s gonna feel any better.”

“You think he’ll be upset?”

“Of course, he will.”

“No, not that. I mean, yeah definitely, about that. But, I mean, you know….that you kept her.” It takes a minute for you to process what she’s asking, and it’s a question you hadn’t thought about in some time.

You’d been so consumed about how upset he would probably be that you kept Callie hidden from him that you hadn’t considered the alternative. What if he was more upset she even existed in the first place?

The thought alone takes you to a dark place. Feelings of rejection and abandonment that you yourself experienced and probably haven’t fully processed. Feelings you swore with your life you’d always protect Callie from. 

And always will.

“Then he’ll continue to not be a part of her life.” Your voice is sound and resolute. Mariah also recognizes that all too familiar look of determination that fills your face. 

“But what will you tell her then?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.” A motto, a mantra, an oath. You’ve hit hard times before and always pulled through. This will be no different. Whatever's needed to keep your daughter from the trauma you experienced, you’ll do. No matter what.

Mariah knows better than to try to reason with you right now, not that there’s a ton of that needed. As a mother herself, she fully understands the intrinsic desire and borderline need to protect your child. She just also knows that you can be stubborn, and when you put your mind to something, nothing and no one can change it.

She just wonders how that’s going to bode over with whatever is about to go down.

You finish off the conversation with thanking her again for her last minute availability. You know you could have asked your mom as well, but she would have had questions, questions you don’t have the answers for nor the desire to explain just what’s happening.

Hell, you don’t even fully know what’s happening. 

As the time gets closer, you realize you need to get home and straighten up. Maybe vacuum or some shit. 

“Will you call me before I go to bed?”

“Of course, I will, mama.” You push back some of her hair, hating to see her sad again. She’s wearing that pout that you just realized is similar to Joe when he scowls. Shoving that from your head, you add, “and don’t forget about our big day tomorrow.”

That seems to win you a small smile, enough to make you feel less shitty about ditching her, even if it’s completely beyond your control. “It’s gonna be so much fun!”

“You bet your butt it is, kiddo!” You bring her in for another hug, holding her close and tight. “I love you, Callie Bear.”

“I love you too, mama.” 

Callie expressing her love for you is the soundtrack in your head as you drive home and even as you move around your apartment, dusting and vacuuming. You even clean the baseboard, something you’re sure you haven’t done since you first moved in when you were 22. 

You even make the controversial decision to leave up the photos of Callie or both you and Callie together in the living room and don’t really do much to move aside the indicators that a child lives here. Like her toy bucket near the TV or pink kiddy cups lined up near the kitchen sink. 

It doesn’t make much sense to you to hide these things when the sole reason you even reached out is to make him aware of why those things are there and who they belong to. You’ve stopped letting yourself try to figure out why he wants to speak to you or why he’s upset, realizing it was only making your anxiety ten times worse to the point where you felt like you were going to vomit.

Recognizing you have some time before he arrives, you decide to take a shower that’s much longer than necessary and will probably have you upset at yourself when you get your next water bill. 

But, it’s a nice distraction. Being fresh, clean, and moisturized is always a nice pick me up. Granted, you find it almost silly as you struggle to figure out what to wear. It’s Joe. Not Beyonce. Also, your outfit should be the last thing on your mind, as you eventually settle on a graphic shirt and some shorts. 

And realizing you have nothing else to do, you plop down on the sofa and wait. Wait for whatever the hell is about to happen once you open that door. Strangely enough, your anxiety seems to be settling. Granted, you wonder if that’s being replaced with denial, because you’re also starting to tell yourself that it won’t be that bad.

It may not be, but that’s not a good hill to die on. Preferred but not reliable. 

Needing another distraction, you scroll aimlessly through your Instagram, liking a few posts of friends, family, and former classmates from both high school and college. It’s interesting seeing how everyone ventured down different paths, some homemakers, some business execs, and of course the aspiring musicians aka unemployed. 

And then there was you, the small town teacher raising her secret love child of a WWE superstar in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. 

Your stomach twisting and turning tells you the anxiety is returning, but it doesn’t have as much time to heighten because the doorbell rings.

He’s here.

There’s this irritating yet quiet ringing in your ears and anchor on your chest, both of which make it harder to untangle your limbs and move off the sofa. It’s like watching yourself slowly make your way to the door, the tremble in your hand noticeable as you undo the lock and start to turn the knob. 

I love you too, mama.

Callie’s sweet, reassuring voice floods into your head providing the sweet relief needed to return from dissociation and snap back to reality. Eyes shutting, you take another deep breath and carefully swing the door open.

Truth be told, you weren’t quite sure what you expected to feel upon seeing Joe again, not sure what you should feel. This was a reunion, but only in name. Nothing about him being at your doorstep was warm and inviting. That much is obvious by his stoic, unreadable facial expression, which isn’t entirely out of character. Contrary and both similar to his current heel portrayal, Joe has always been more on the quiet side, not as easy to read. More open and warm once you get to know him.

You’d found that out firsthand.

Taking in his countenance, you can’t avoid observing the rest of him. He’s somehow even bigger than the last time you saw him in person, almost taking up your doorway, rippling muscles on full display in the plain, black fitted shirt he wears. His hair is pulled back as usual, clean line up, and beard fuller than you remembered him liking it. He’s aged, obviously, but well. Very well.

Heat rising to your cheeks, you step to the side, allowing him inside. You hate how you close your eyes as you inhale his scent.

He always did smell so damn good.

The physical distractions dissipate when he’s inside, the door locked, and it’s just the two of you. 

You notice almost immediately how he seems to be intent on keeping his back toward you, playing it off by taking in your apartment. Not that much, if anything, has changed. He can’t be that damn interested. 

It was painfully clear that Joe was already frustrated with you just by his texts, but his anger is even more palpable in person, borderline suffocating. 

Just what the hell did you do to upset him so much?

Clearing your throat and crossing your arms over, you decide that someone needs to say something because this silent shit is not working for you.

But then Joe angles his body, still not looking toward you but something else. And that’s when your anxiety starts up all over again.

You watch him, intently, as he walks over to the side table near the sofa, the one that has pictures on it. 

Pictures of Callie. 

He picks one up, and you’ve never been so still in your life. It’s torture, not seeing how he’s looking, unable to read his facials, clueless to what he must be thinking. He’s quiet for too long, so you decide to bite the bullet and say something. 

“I—”

“Is she mine?”

Waves. Heavy, plunging waves of emotions splash at you with a ferocity that nearly floors you. His question, so simple, isn’t what you expected to leave his mouth. It’s posed so quietly, lowly, emotion evident but not enough for you to know which one. Anger? Sadness? Confusion?

It stumps you, and for a second, you try to convince yourself that he doesn’t mean what you deep down know what he means. 

“What–what are you talking about?”

He curses quietly, and you hear him say your name before he asks again in a dangerously calm voice, “is she mine?”

You recognize this tone, the tone he takes when he’s trying his best to tame his temper, but there’s no guarantee that he can. And that in and of itself is not a good sign, Joe rarely ever gets mad. He’s irritatingly adept at maintaining his composure in all situations. 

Except this one.

You just want to take a nap, take a break from all of this. Everything seems to be happening so fast, too fast. It wasn’t even 24 hours ago that Callie first asked about her father, and now the man is standing in front of you asking you to confirm she is his daughter. You’re so confused about everything. How could he tell so easily? You always said and thought she favored him, but did she favor him enough for him to take one look at her and know she’s his daughter?

That doesn’t even seem possible nor plausible. 

You have so many questions, but there’s no need in delaying the inevitable.

Rip the Band-Aid off.

“Yes.” 

It’s at that moment he finally decides to turn around, and you can see the moment it happens, the moment the floodgate of emotions rush through him like a tsunami. He’s shocked. He’s confused. He’s angry.

“How did you find out?” Putting the pieces together is a slow progress, but one that’s progressing nonetheless. He clearly came here with that question prepared and ready to launch. He knew about Callie, knew when you texted him, knew when he decided to call. Knew before he even walked in and saw a picture of her.

He just needed you to confirm as such. 

That seems to be the wrong question, because anger is suddenly more prominent, both vocally and physically. “You’re seriously asking me how the fuck I found out I have a daughter?” Any attempt to control his anger is out the door, replaced with visceral emotions. “No, the real question is why the fuck you didn’t tell me I have a child?”

You’re not sure what it is, the emotionality of it all, the fact that you’re face to face with the man you’ve worked so hard over the years to get over, or even just the fact that he’s speaking to you this way. Maybe all of it. Regardless, you’re not about to just take it lying down. “First of all, watch your tone. You’re not going to talk to me any kind of way. Second of all, you are married, Joe. What was I supposed to do? Send you and your wife copies of the sonogram?”

“Don't put this on that,” he dismisses, swiftly and curtly. “Jadah has nothing to do with you telling me I'm a father. Don't you think I had a fucking right to know?”

“Of course you had a right.” He did. He does. You won’t deny him that, but it’s also not as cut and dry as he’s making it out to be. “But—”

“There’s no but, Y/N!” He cuts you off, and you have to take another deep breath. This time though, it’s not to lessen anxiety. It’s to calm your own anger that’s rising. Who the hell does he think he is to speak to you this way? Like you’re some damn child. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Are you going to actually listen to me, or are you just going to keep yelling? Cause I don’t respond to disrespect, Joe. You know this.”

He actually smiles, smiles at your words. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? I’m disrespecting you? You keep my child from me, and I’m disrespecting you?” He scoffs and looks up at the ceiling, probably to settle himself. “Did you know when you ended things between us?"

The surprising questions just keep on rolling. “What?”

“I swear to God.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. “Did you know you were pregnant when you told me to leave? Is that why you did it? So I wouldn’t find out?”

This time, you’re the one scoffing, trying to rationalize how he could even think to ask you this. “Seriously, Joe? I told you why I ended things.”

“Yeah, well, you’re clearly not the most honest fucking person, so I don’t even know what to believe anymore.” 

You hate the fact that his words don’t further anger you but instead sadden you. You see how he’s looking at you, with a level of disdain and disgust. It’s such an unfamiliar experience, an unwanted one. “So, I’m a liar now?” It should have come out much stronger, firmer, showing him that you’re not putting up with his bullshit. Instead, it’s a damn near whisper.

He looks at you like you’ve grown two heads, like he doesn’t get what you’re not getting about this. “What do you call what you did?”

Your head is starting to hurt. This is going exactly how you feared it would go. 

Bad.

It’s all becoming too much, your voice weighed down with the emotions of it all. You feel like you’re on the verge of tears, and you hate that. You won’t let him see you cry. “We’re not….we’re not getting anywhere here, Joe. I think—”

“You should get a lawyer.”

Your heart stops. “What?”

He runs both hands over his face, the heaviness of this conversation clearly weighing on him as well. “We need to figure out some type of custody arrangement, and I don’t think us handling it with each other is a good idea—”

“Custody?” The room is starting to blur again, items moving wayward and sideways. The ringing in your ears is also returning. “What—you—you want to take her from me?” You need to sit down, your legs feeling like they’re ready to give out at any moment. Take her. He wants to take her from you. Unable to control yourself, you snap, “she doesn’t even know you!”

He matches your tone and volume precisely, clearly unwilling to back down. “Exactly, I’m her father, and she doesn’t know me because of you!”

You can barely believe the words coming out his mouth, incapable of processing that he’s actually standing here threatening to take your child from you. This has gone from bad to worse in a matter of seconds. “So, you think taking her away from me is the way to get to know her?”

His volume levels down a bit, and you could have sworn you saw a glimpse of sympathy. “I don’t want to take her away from you, Y/N. I just can’t trust you to not keep her away from me.”

This is disastrous. You never could you have envisioned this conversation playing out the way it is. Desperate, you move over to him, needing him to see you, to hear you, really hear you. “You’re here now, aren’t you? Isn’t that enough?” 

His answer surprises you with its austerity. He’s so angry. “No, because it took almost five fucking years for you to call me in the first damn place.”

He moves away from you, obviously headed for the door. He has nothing else to say. Your head is throbbing, vision still murky, but you manage to rush past him, obstructing his leave. “Joe….wait.”

You’ve never felt so small, so desperate, so helpless in your life. It’s reminiscent of the last conversation you had with him five years prior, that same boulder on your chest, bigger now. Much bigger. 

“Please.” You’re not even trying to hold in the tears anymore. That’s not even important. Not in the slightest. This is your child.  “Please don’t take her away from me. She’s my baby, Joe. She—she’s never even been without me before.”

He looks at you, and you can see it now. Finally see it. Finally see past all of the hurtful threats, the dismissiveness, the refusal to hear you out. He’s not angry. He’s hurt. “And she’s never been with me.” He moves past you, but not before one last statement. “Maybe now you’ll know how I feel.”

________

just curious, ya'll think joe trippin? personally, i'm team callie cause both reader and joe are wrong in one way or another but im also biased so ignore me.

[neptunescore]

The way people just suddenly have a collective amnesia of all the the times when the team asked Oscar to let Lando through without a fight is so disappointing. Now fans are just accusing him of not being a good team mate or not thinking of the team. It’s insane. How did Oscar react every time the team asked him to let Lando pass? Did he throw a tantrum? Did he negotiate over the radio? Did he make it hard? No, he literally just followed orders. And everytime this was brought up to them in interviews, what were their answer? Their answer has always been along the lines of “right now it’s not about racing each other. It’s about scoring for the team. It’s about maximizing results. because we dont have the fastest to compete for race wins yet. BUT when we do, that’s when we can race each other for wins.”

And that has always been the position they have taken as a team. Fans are deliberately misconstruing Oscar’s words. Saying that in the interview, Oscar said he wants to win while Lando said he wants 1-2 for the team. So of course that automatically means Oscar is only thinking of himself while Lando is the team player. Like really? You sure about that? You really got all that based on an interview? It’s so strange.

Oscar has never shied away from saying that once they have the car to win races, he’s going to race Lando for wins. That was their goal last year. That was their goal in the beginning of the season. That was what he was counting on when he let Lando through w/o a fight in his home race in Melbourne.

But dont you guys worry, Andrea has just come out and basically say that from now on, team orders prioritizing Lando’s WDC win will be implemented. So Oscar now will come to the remaining 8 races only as an instrument to Lando’s races. And it does not look like Red Bull’s car will get any faster significantly so that’s basically a Lando WDC guarantee. What a happy papaya team.

Honestly yeah, Oscar's always listened to team orders – the amount of times last year he was asked to let lando overtake him is crazy, like if I were a hard-core osc fan I'd be so over mclaren (NOT lando cause it's literally not his fault). Anyway, I don't really know what else to say to you anon, bc from a team perspective rn it does make sense to prioritise lando more. I mean, obv, if oscs qualified much better than him, then they're gonna give oscar more priority, but other than that... yeeaah — their last wdc win was in 2008, I bet they're hungry for it.

I also don't really understand ppl twisting Oscar's words, like leave that man alone. Even if he was saying the shit u think he's saying, he's completely in the right. (I, too, don't care abt landos championship)

ALSO. I HAD NO IDEA ANDREA SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT??? I mean, glad (im not, but u papaya fans should be🤮😩😔) mclaren finally landed on a proper decision, but I'm acc gonna cry if lando wins the wdc. I'm sorry, I literally hate mclaren, I CAN NOT watch that ugly orange abomination of a team on the top step. I will rip my eyes out and build a better car for max BLIND if it means stopping lando😭.

[campbyler]

just read chap 9.1 for the third time already, I AM VERY MUCH NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS

so lets go, time for thoughts

LITERALLY DEAD PLEASE THE HAND DOWN THE STAIRS IS ONE OF MY FAV SMALL MOMENTS YET. MIKE WHEELER will’s heart is IM COMING FOR YOU!

THE HAND HOLDING IN GENERAL IN THIS CHAP!!?!?!!?? WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND IT’S KIND OF NICE KNDKSKXKXK.

MIKE PAYING FOR WILL??? I LOVE THEIR DATE THAT ISNT A DATE BUT IS DEFINITELY A DATE BUT THEY’RE JUST NOT AWARE OF IT

sure keep being in denial guys…

yeppp you def made will autistic again thea and so true

ALSO THE CASUAL AFFECTION IN PUBLIC THEY’RE SO IN LOVE

MIKE TAKING HIS FACE IN HIS HANDS IN THE MID OF A COFFEE SHOP “Let me do something nice for you” AND THEN KISSING HIM SOMEONE RUN ME OVER WITH A TRUCK I CANT HANDLE THIS

YOU KNOW WHAT, BETTER THAT I DONT GET INTO THE THRIFT STORE PART CUZ THIS WOULD BE WAY WAY WAY TOO LONG BUT THE GOD DAMN GRAVITY PART I GIGGLED KICKED MY FEET AND DEFINITELY CRACKED MY PAINFULLY DRY LIPS FROM TOO MUCH SMILING!!

THE MUSTANG!! okay honestly this hit very close to home cuz i have a very similar situation with my dad (a lawyer ofc) and his “EvErYtHiNg i PaYeD fOr iS miNe” sooo i fully get it and it felt nice having it explained so well.

OKAY IF WILL BYERS GETS BEHIND THAT WHEEL IM LITERALLY SCREAMING

ALSO IF IT HAPPENS THAT WILL ENDS UP DRIVING BACK (i rlly dont know what the US laws are for driving manual if u have an automatic license, but considering u guys let 16 year olds behind a wheel without at least a few months of driving school with a qualified instructor, im guessing not strict lmao) AND THE GANG SEES HIM IN THAT MUSTANG THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS

also rip his dignity, but it’s already kinda gone so i wouldnt be surprised kskdkskd

ANYWAY AMAZING HALF A CHAPTER THEA I LOVED IT

RIS DON'T MIND ME ANSWERING THIS JUST NOWWWW LOL...

the hand down the stairs moment makes me 🥺 i would personally pass away if that happened to me so the fact that will is still standing is insane. he is so brave. princess treatment fr <3

will is so clueless to not clock the fact that this was a date until the end of 9.2 like girl. be so fucking fr. that said he Is autistic (me coded) so i think we can allow him to live!! just this one time tho!!

i am glad that you ended up #living and #surviving for 9.2 considering your reaction to 9.1....so sorry that i took so long to respond to this that your predictions/speculations are no longer relevant BUT ty for the monster comment and for the love!! i am glad you enjoyed ch09 as a whole!!

[blumineck]

apologies if you’ve already answered this question (I’ve scrolled down quite far and didn’t see this answered) but how did you learn archery, and do you think it’s possible to “self-teach” yourself (through books and videos?) i was betting it'd take longer, but im honestly just looking for a new hobby if anything but dont wanna hurt anyone/myself in the process! many thanks!

I might have done, but I can answer it again!

I learned archery by going to a beginner's course at a range about an hour's drive away for 6 weeks. After that, almost everything has been 'self taught' (i.e. Learning from people on youtube, and a lot of trial and error trying different things).

If at all possible, I'd always recommend doing some kind of basic training at a proper range with qualified instructors, even if you're not going to go regularly afterwards. They should be able to get you on a good path and give you a grounding in the practical and safety aspects that will be harder to pick up otherwise.

After that, you'd need to check what the law is near you (do you need insurance, etc.) and make sure you have a setup that's safe, but if so, then you can pick up a lot through books and videos 😁 but yeah, I'd recommend a starter course if you can!

[stuffyflowers]

all I have to say to the vehement ceroba haters is. what the fuck did chujin think was going to happen

i mean the actual answer is he wasnt but like for sake of argument

(btw im using he/she for chujin in this post because it’s pride month which means I’m pushing my butch lesbian chujin agenda again ok thx)

not sure what ur specifically referring to but I agree that chujins role here is overlooked as hell. we all talk about cerobas devotion to him to the point she ignores his flaws but chujin honestly has a similar problem. remember, ceroba isn’t experienced in any of this kind of stuff! the game draws attention to this w/ the subversion of expectations at the start of steamworks, cerobas initial attitude leads you to believe shes going to navigate the technical problem with ease, only for her to admit she really has no idea what shes doing and pass most of the steamworks biggest challenges on to clover. THIS is the person chujin left with the sole responsibility of continuing her dangerous experiments, the one that even herself, as a qualified(ish) scientist, could not figure out a non lethal solution to. what DID he think was going to happen for real!!!!

ppl also give her wayyy too much credit for saying not to involve kanako when right before saying that she does imply that kanako really is the only boss monster ceroba could reasonably access (remember, in undertale, the only boss monsters we ever see are fucking royalty.) he’s essentially giving her the ultimatum that she either has to disregard his word and involve kanako (which….. yeah.) OR hold out hope that another *willing* boss monster will appear out of the blue. given how important ceroba believed chujins work was, can you really be surprised she chose that option?

[doberbutts]

Hi - asking in good faith here, but I am also relatively new to active anti-racism (im white, grew up in all white areas, and didn't encounter anti racist perspectives until college). In the last few years I've done a LOT of reading about anti-black racism, black feminist theory, womanism, etc, and I'm beginning to understand why the bastardization and appropriation of aave is so harmful. I don't want to put my friends of color on the spot about this or make them feel pressured to answer a certain way, though, and I DO want an answer that's grounded in theory and thoughtfulness about these things (two traits my circle of 18-20 year olds sometimes lacks, understandably). I know that that might put a lot of pressure on you as well but please know that while I do respect your opinion, I know you're just one Black person with one opinion - and of course if an irl Black friend ever came to me and told me to stop I would.

My question is, if I am making sure to attribute it correctly as AAVE, being careful to make sure I'm using it appropriately, and of course listening in case I hear I've misused it - is it still harmful for me as a white person to use aave? Is it possible to use aave non-harmfully as a white person, among Black friends? Or would it be better for me to do my best to remove those words and phrases and grammatical structures from the way I speak entirely?

A lot of these things, I pick up FROM my friends, and they haven't, idk, made faces or suggested I should stop or anything like that. But of course it's hard to sort out what I pick up from my friends, what I pick up from Black literature (im a terrible parrot from my books unfortunately 😬), and what comes from the intern*t lol. So there's obviously the potential to misuse or disrespect aave, especially if I ever stop being thoughtful about what I say and where I first hear it. And while I have tried to read up on the appropriation of AAVE and develop my own opinion, this really does seem like one of those things where as a white person my opinion is always going to be a little out of touch - and I REALLY don't want to hurt and alienate my friends and accidentally advance racism in my community because I felt qualified to comment on this.

I don't know. I grew up in a very white enclave in a very white area of a very white state, and I AM trying to catch up and think critically about what I do say and think, but honestly, I am very new to these things. So if this is a dumb question or I am inadvertently ignorant/inappropriate, I'm really sorry about that and please know that I AM trying to do better. (And I will never say no to specific resource recommendations. I've read everything you usually read in an intro to Africana studies course lol but there is so much out there!!)

Thanks, either way. I appreciate you taking the time to read this extremely long winded ask lol. And I appreciate the way you blog about these things and how you make it clear where and from what you develop your opinions - that's super helpful!!!

-bee

Well as you said I am one person and I do not know you or talk to you really so I can't really say yes or no on your specific case. But also I would challenge you to ask yourself why you felt you needed the permission of a black stranger rather than actually sit down and talk to your friends about it.

I have said in other posts that it is less about needing to be black to speak AAVE and more about respect. I am all for cultural sharing and appreciation and I do not think that culture requires specifically only blood ties. I'm a mixed race person, after all, and one who has a quite large mixed race extended and found family. I think that blood is not the only thing that defines us.

But I also think that one must go into these sorts of conversations with respect. My white (passing) mother can understand my black family speaking AAVE, despite the fact that there was a single black kid in her neighborhood and school system when she grew up. This is because she treated my dad and his family with respect, and so they are comfortable speaking this way in front of her, and she is comfortable asking for clarification if she needs it, which is quite rare nowadays considering she's been married to my dad for 35 years and in a relationship with him for 42 and has thus had a lot of practice.

But she also doesn't use AAVE herself. To her, it would be disrespectful. She did not grow up in it. It is not her culture. It is shared with her due to proximity to said culture with her husband and father of her children. But for her, she chooses to continue to use the Pennsylvania Dutch-influenced dialect she grew up in, which is a very white Appalachian specific-to-Pennsylvania dialect and culture. I myself switch back and forth between the two, depending on who I'm talking to. Sometimes in the same conversation, if I'm talking to my mom vs my dad in the same room.

I don't think any of my black family would be offended if she did use AAVE, though again with her personality and the way she has approached this over the last several decades I think they'd be surprised if she suddenly did it like tomorrow or something. But she herself does not think it would be respectful of the culture, the dialect, or of her husband and inlaws for it to come out of her mouth. And I am sort of inclined to agree. Outside of a few slang words that have become so distant from their roots that it is difficult to say they are *purely* AAVE anymore, similar with many historically-Yiddish slang words, I do not personally think she could hold a conversation in AAVE and do it respectfully enough to not be offensive. It's just not really hers to do that with.

On the other hand, when I worked in a mostly-black store in an area that was significantly more black-populated, where I rarely had to code switch and mostly used AAVE all the timewith clients and customers, there were nonblack people who also used and understood AAVE. I had no problem with this, even with the white people doing it, because that was just how everyone in that area spoke. And, mot for nothing, but I found those white people to be as a general rule significantly less racist in their treatment of me and of other people of color, and racial mixing was significantly more common. Again, it's about respect. Even if it's not really a concious thing.

[ebisul]

TCW Rewatch: Season 2 Episodes 12-15

The dreaded mandalore arc post. Im going to be upfront, if you dont like me slandering Satine just dont even read the post. Turn back now. I’m not going to engage in dumb arguments. If you want to comment be civil.

I try to be as objective as I can writing these. I call it as I see it even when i do like the character. However I also recognize the tone can come across as aggressive, its not meant to be I just Talk Like That.

Anyways, enjoy!

Episode 12: The Mandalore Plot

* Obi wan sent to Mandalore to investigate rumors about a secret army built for the separatists

* “All of our warriors were exiled to concordia. They died out years ago” thats fucking weird. Like if we’re talking just Death Watch thatd be whatever they’re terrorists but all of the warriors?? What about Satine’s Guard? Do they not qualify as warriors? Or are they allowed because they’re Satine’s warriors

* Amec awfully defensive about Jango Fett being mandalorian. “Jango Fett was a common bounty hunter. How he acquired that armor is beyond me” what exactly makes someone Mandalorian or not?

* Satine is so hostile just as soon as she enters. That doesnt look good for your case, Duchess, considering you want to prove you have no intent of turning against the Republic. bad political decision.

* Sabateur is mandalorian. Amec really going hard on the denial "no mandalorian would engage in such violence. not anymore" babe you have Video Evidence of the exact opposite

* Satine assumes this whole thing is because the Senate wants to intervene in the affairs of Mandalore

* wild assumption considering obi wan has done nothing thusfar outside of try to get answers for his investigation. awfully presumtuous and honestly arrogant all things considered

* get her ass, kenobi

* i find it so hard to believe these two are supposed to have been in love

* Ok so now you mention Death Watch, not earlier when you were throwing around baseless accusations where that information could have been necessary??

* "its hardly a movement" a small group of hooligans typically doesnt warrant secret officials rooting them out. all this tells me is that she knows about death watch and refuses to do much of anything ab it. what does she plan to do with the investigation?

* The separatists want to help overthrow satine

* Satine trying to lecture Obi Wan on peacekeeping and Jedi ideals is fucking audacious. “The job of a peacekeeper is to make sure that conflict does not arise” and what when conflict does? You cant always prevent conflict. The conflict is already there so arguably Obi Wan has a more understandable and realistic point of view here.

* Also terribly ironic that an act of terrorism occurs as they are having this conversation. This isn’t Peace. Its ignorance.

* “Hooligans couldnt have arranged an attack of this scale” “It must be an offworlder” denial is going to get your people killed

* Side note: the sheer amount of blonde white people makes me so uncomfortable for this to be an idyllic state of peace for mandalorians. Especially when any mandalorians we see who are poc are stripped of their mandoness, or cult members (this is in reference to Jango and Din, im uncertain of what sabines family’s political views were)

* Damn

* That man shot at obi wan while he was trying be diplomatic ab it would she blame him for self defense? Thats fucked up especially bc shes totally cool with self defense when she does it

* Obi wan got hands

* She is being so suspicious

* She criticizes him every chance she gets, and rather unfairly too

* What do you mean they’re supposed to be in love? They dont even act like they Like eachother. Obi Wan has had kinder interactions with most of his main villains

* The pre vizla death watch entrance is unfortunately kinda badass

* The dark saber having a different sound effect scatches the brain

* Obi Wan (correctly) believing the separatists are supporting Death Watch and Satine immediately saying no i want no part in that conflict is weird. Like thats not a decision you make. You joining the clone war is not what hes talking about, The Death Watch dont care about what you want. I dont even know how she turned this conversation into a “i wont be part of this war and you wont convince me” discussion when he literally didn’t say anything of the sort

Episode 13: Voyage of Temptation

* I didnt even notice the scene of Satine expectantly waiting for Obi Wan to kiss her hand last episode until this episodes recap. I hate it that feels condescending

* This is where they start revealing that they had or have feelings for eachother and I simply Cant See It

* The way she talks down to obi wan constantly and even seats herself above everyone else like bro have literally any fucking respect for others outside of yourself

* The spider droid deaths are already so dark

* “Even extremists can be reasoned with” Duchess YOU are an extremist and you clearly can’t be reasoned with, just because your extremism isnt violent doesnt make it not extreme

* And again pacifism is ineffective in the face of an uncaring enemy, you fight or you die

* Im only like 1/4 of the way through this episode

* I feel like they try to push obitine so hard it just falls flat for me because their negative interactions outweigh any positive ones

* Anakin seems to really be pushing Obi Wan to have feelings for Satine but it comes across as Anakin projecting his worries about his relationship with Padme onto Obitine, because if Obi Wan can do it its okay that he can. Except Obi Wan doesnt, he lets it go

* Ooh creepy clone puppet scene

* I love when star wars tries to be spooky scary

* “Just because im a pacifist doesnt mean i wont defend myself” you mean like how last episode you said if obi wan had killed that guy you would blame him even tho he was just defending himself?

* Also Another assassination attempt… surprising…

* “This line of questioning borders on torture” arguably no it doesnt??? What harm is it causing? Emotional distress is already caused by the fact that there is a traitor present releasing the droids in the first place

* Senator Merrik was on Mandalore with Satine, is he from Mandalore? Who is this guy? Hes the Senator for Kalevala in the Mandalore system

* The fact that Satine could be betrayed by literally every single one of her close colleagues is honestly telling of how her peace was just a facade used by her enemies to blindside her.

* Merrik looks so disturbed ab Satine suddenly confessing her love

* Me too

* Also the fuck you mean youve loved him ever since? Youve been treating him like shit this whole time???

* At least the distraction worked, as uncomfortable as it made me

* Merrik, as shitty as he is, makes a decent point about if Satine shoots him or not, She’s politically backed herself into a corner

* “Who will strike first and brand themselves a cold-blooded killer?” Enter Anakin

* I do think had Anakin not been there Obi would have done it for the greater good, or found a less fatal way about it

* Yes Cody, please interrupt the moment

* Why did her attitude change so drastically at the end?

Episode 14: Duchess of Mandalore

* So Death Watch has the means to attack Mandalore and if Satine allows Republic occupation then Death Watch’s attack puts them in the people of Mandalore’s good graces allowing them to usurp Satine

* Obviously palps wants to do this for a power grab, Jerek could well have been another of Satine’s allies betraying her although im not so sure. He calls for Republic assistance against Death Watch becasue he sees them as a threat, calling out the Pride of the government to not ask for assistance from the Jedi.

* Either way this could have gone, it would always end the same because to maintain peace you have to Fight for it. That doesnt mean you have to be violent but you cant be ignorant of it either

* Arguably Satine is correct about the Republic occupation making them a target for the war and she has the right to remain neutral but what exactly is her alternative plan to deal with Death Watch

* Those guards of hers dont seem very pacifistic

* Damn friend zoned lmao

* So far Satine in this episode is at least more tolerable and I understand where she’s coming from

* What the republic is doing IS wrong but shes not offering an alternative to stopping Death Watch to protect her people

* Isnt she allied with 1500 other systems or something like that? Why did she go to the Senate at all?

* Thats underhanded(holding the vote without Satines presence or knowledge)

* Ok assassination yet again

* Running away is not the most intelligent decision from an innocent woman

* Neither is attacking the police

* I feel like this could have been avoided

* Ok thats a cool scene

* So are there warriors on Mandalore or not? You arent going to combat them effectively without a fight, its unrealistic.

* “The temerity to stand strong in the name of peace” so what exactly is the plan to protect the people of Mandalore from Death Watch. You can’t just say nuh uh and expect them to back down and submit to pacifism, they keep saying theyll stand strong but they haven’t mentioned anything about what exactly they will do to stand strong against Death Watch

* Mandalore escapes Republic occupation

Episode 15: Senate Murders

* A group of senators want to escalate the production of troops, Padme and her allies recognize this will prolong the war and is working against it

* Padmes enemies are accusing her of separatist conspiracy, if this gets out to the rest of the senate she is absolutely fucked

* Ono assassinated, they actually succeeded this time

* Where do i know this lieutenants voice? Its grating just like his personality, no offense to the va

* Mothma and Bail both act like parental/older sibling figures to padme, im a whore for that shit

* I wish I could hate this guy more but the dracula vibes go too hard im sorry

* Oh shit dracula is dead as hell

* I do love a good murder mystery, idk why i was so apprehensive about this episode

* Is it Lolo?

* As much as Burtoni sucks, i do believe her when she says she doesnt give a single fuck enough to kill these people, she just has that vibe

* Yeah i knew it

* Ono made the decision he did because the Rodians were starving and need the help the Republic couldn’t be bothered to expedite, it was a mistake made out of hope for his people to live

* I love when Padme throws hands

* The clones will continue to be “manufactured” although it doesnt say whether or not they will be creating more faster, i thought that was the original plan

* Manipulative bitch

War Crime Counter

Separatists: 9

Republic: 5

im counting the act of terrorism and the assassination of the informant.

Im uncertain if Ono and Dracula’s assassination belongs under Republic or not tho

[being-addie]

hi girl, how are you? I hope ur fine and that everything's perfectly okay, i got some questions, if u don't mind answering.

so on September it's my freshman year, im so excited, and especially bcz im going to a new school, which means new people, new experiences and stuff.

Ik high school isn't as perfect as i see it in movies, and that my skl won't take us on a road trip and leave us all alone so we can have fun 💀 but i was wondering if u had any tips for high skl.

I also kinda wanna have a glow up, both physical and mental, during summer, and since ur a whole glowup guru I thought u could give me a "program" to follow so i can look, think and behave better, especially cz my mom doesn't allow me to go out so no gym or activities outside, and she thinks im too young to have a skincare or follow a diet yk.

thank u so much in advance, i absolutely love ur posts, and if u can't or don't have time to answer, that's perfectly fine, stay safe hun<33

hello love,

sorry this is late. classes have been insane. congratulations on your new school! it's always exciting when you try something new, and I promise you're gonna love it.

now, im assuming you're 15/16 years old, since you're a freshman. Before I say anything about having fun in high school, I need to you remember that while TV and movies glorify high school as this really crazy time where you party and have fun (yes, you will have fun I promise), its important to keep in mind that these four years will help you decide your future and get into college. So work hard, and party harder.

Okay, now that I've said that, let's tackle this bit by bit.

How to have fun in high school:

Have sleepovers: They're a fun and easy way to bond with friends. Order tons of junk food and stay up all night.

Picnics: My favourite activity. Dress up and have a themed picnic, and have a photoshoot.

Pool party: If someone you know has a pool, go have fun in the water!

Hang out: Honestly, this was the most fun I had in high school. Just meet at someone's house or at the park, and just chat. Or bring an activity to do together (crochet, playing cards, etc). Buy some snacks and play some music and it's the most chill vibe ever. You will love it.

Start a band: If you play an insturment/ sing, start a band! It's so much fun to practice and perform with friends!

Join a club: You can make lots of like-minded friends at clubs at school. Pick something you really like to do.

How to glow-up for high school:

Workout:

There's no rule that the gym is the only place to workout. When I was 15, I wasn't allowed to the gym either, so I had to make do.

Youtube videos: There are tons and tons of great workout videos from people with a large following. My favourites are Caroline Girvan, growingannanas, Pamela Reif and Madfit. Go get sweaty!

Makeshift weights: You can water bottles filled with water/sand as weights or buy ankle weights to put around your wrists as you get stronger.

Run: This is an amazing source of cardio. I gave up a while back on this because I detest running, but it really does work. Plug in your headphones and go for a run in nature.

Dance: Dancing is a really fun way to workout. Try Zumba, hip-hop or K-pop routines. Hell, even Just Dance has some good ones. Join a class if you want to stay accountable.

Diet:

Honestly, I can't give a lot of advice to you here, because I'm not qualified enough. Go to a nutritionist to see if there's anything you can do. If not, make sure to eat plenty of protein and fibre, limit your junk food intake and drink lots of water. Make lots of salads and fruit bowls. Overnight oats are healthy, filling and delicious.

What I like to do, is eat everything in moderation. Say I've had a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. I won't deny myself a nice bowl of ice-cream (again, not a sundae, the key is moderation). But if I've had greasy food for lunch and takeout for dinner, I'll probably settle for fruit instead. Know that you can eat without punishing yourself, but remember not to go overboard. Food is fuel, remember.

Other tips:

Skincare: Don't make it too fancy. I know influencers and the like have those weird 15-step skincare routines, but it isn't necessary. I use the Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser, and the most basic Cetaphil face lotion I could find along with an organic lip balm my mom buys. It works like a charm and itsn to too fancy. I also take an ABC smoothie (Apple, Beetroot, Carrot + some water.) This is such a game-changer.

Abundance mindset: I like to think of the universe constantly working in my favour. It's always looking out for me, and I'm the luckiest girl in the world. What you think is what you attract. If you think negatively, you will begin to see only bad things around you. Stay positive.

Wardrobe: Go thrifting, or DIY some old clothes. Pinterest has tons of amazing ideas. Paint your T-shirts, dye your skirts, make cute jewellery at home. There are no limits.

Makeup: I don't recommend it honestly. I'm more or less anti makeup to the point where I only own two pieces of makeup(eyeliner and lip gloss) and even those are used sparingly. Don't get used to your painted face. Your natural beauty is beautiful; and should not be hidden. There's something so amazing in someone who is confident in their own skin. Own yourself, and people will love you more for it.

This post became incredibly long lmao, but I hope I was able to help. DM me if you want more tips. You got this xoxo

<3

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

hello, its me! the anon who asked for your opinion abt shipping Alastor with other characters :)

firstly, thank you for answering! i totally agree that, if you build on a character's canon aro/ace orientation, then shipping them would be okay. ive just heard other people say doing that was aroace erasure, and i didnt feel like i had much say, because (as previously stated) im aceflux and nebularomantic.

my sexuality fluctuates, and i cant really tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, which is why i didnt feel qualified to put out my opinion on such matters

i also feel like i should apologize, bc i kinda feel like my ask may have snowballed into some sort discourse? idk, just from what i saw when looking at the blog every now and then, it looked like some shit was going down, revolving around Alastor 😭

now, onto why im here: why should someone do if a person they looked up to, who outwardly supported the aroace community, turns out to be a horrible person? (im sure that some people reading this can already guess who im talking about)

i feel so icky about the situation, bc ive supported and loved this person for years. all of the songs theyve ever written have been so aro-coded (as said by aromantics), and a vast majority of their fanbase is aromantic/on the aro/ace spectrum, myself included. they even spoke about their love for the aromantic community openly, and now, with them being exposed as a horrible person, i dont really know how to feel. is there any advice you could give me and others who are in the same boat? /nf

—sincerely, 🦢🦌

No it’s all good! The discourse was started by me ducking up and some people taking it slightly to far.

Unfortunately I do know who you’re talking about. I was in that fandom back in 20-22 ish, and I couldn’t be happier that I left. Honestly. I don’t know ANYthing about the situation other then someone being revealed to be a piece of shit for some reason and I would like to keep it that way:

I don’t need to know the details about what this person did.

Small side note before I begin:

I think the problem is a lot of people have put people like that on a pedestal while not knowing anything about them. 

The big difference between e- celebrities and true (actors, singers, rich assholes ect) celebrities is the accountability of the public. True celebrities have been held accountable much sooner and to much more effect then e-celebrities due to the fact that the media cares what they do. The paparazzi ect

People talking about not listening to said persons music anymore: reminder that it’s not only them who produces and plays that music. Don’t listen to their solo shit, burn CDs rip it off YouTube, piracy is on the rise.

The rest of the people involved with the band are NOT at fault here and their career and income should not have to suffer for an asshole.

“Cancel” the person not the team.

You can still relate to something without relating to the asshole

You can still relate to something without being the asshole

Be respectful

Listen to victims

And a word for my aspecs ->

The amount of straight people who are just as bad doesn’t matter here, no matter what happens next, all people will see is “he supported aroace spec people” and will try and use it.

Ignore that block them and report harassment

Stay safe anon

[napping-sapphic]

Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.

So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.

So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.

So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.

I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.

Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.

Thank you! :)

Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things😅 but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense😅

I feel like this is like my go to advice but I’d say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began🤷‍♀️ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.

My ‘oh this is NOT just platonic’ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol😅

However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldn’t work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could🤷‍♀️ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldn’t work if our relationship was romantic. And now I’m honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, they’re just my best friend and always will be :)

I dont think it’s too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether it’s something worth acting on, that you’re willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on

So I’d say ruminate on it! There’s no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know you’re a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think they’ll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that there’s no clock on figuring it out, there’s no “right” way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way you’ve got a great person in your life. I’m very sorry I can’t be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what you’re looking for soon <3!!

[lobpoints]

honestly i’ve recently been brainworming about how even though carmen’s colour is obviously red, in LC her speech box is blue??? both the memories of carmen and angela are just his interpretation of her… i love how on the surface its a hint for the player that they are connected but if you dig deeper it is one of the main reasons he failed w angela!! he only ever knew the version of carmen that existed in his own head, he could never replicate her in her entirety, angela is blue just like his carmen, but his carmen is flawed by design…….

SORRY IF I ANSWER LATE SINCE THIS ASK MAKE ME SIT DOWN AND THINK(TM) A BIT but here are my thoughts on them though it super long and super incoherent since I dont know how to necessary connect points smoothly

On the topic of color coding I actually did talk with my friends a lot on how Carmen's color or at least one that has big impression on Ayin or an indication to their relationship or connection are all red but I didn't know if I was reading too deep in it

For example:

• her eyes

•The red hairband that is said in the artbook to be a present from A

• Bloodbath

And to specifically talk about Bloodbath it is also how Angela offered the manager champagne which resembles the color of her eyes after one of your employee presumably died which is an obvious call back to that one specific passage in Bloodbath but the alcohol that was used in the past scenario was red wine which is the color of Carmen's eyes. I personally interpret this scene as Angela venting her own frustration and despair at the presumingly oblivious manager in the form of her mocking his own sad little story as well

That along with you can see how each sephirot and even including Angela has their own specific color coded letter box that fits their own respective theme while Carmen's is blue which like you said signify her connection to Carmen despite her character color theme have little to do with it and Ayin's color box is red despite his primary color being black and white (additionally I thinks that the way the characters are color coded in LC have to do with their association with respective sephirot in the tree of life in Kabbalah as well but I have not read many researches on this so I cant say for sure im qualified to speak on this topic)

And another thing of the fact that after Angela escaped from her role from lc in lor you actually don't get to see any red accessories or clothing pieces on main her design anymore being not only the red hair band is gone but also the red tie and the red shoes is also a very interesting detail to me and again as seen

I'm still warping my head around what this all mean in full extent and my personal contemplating have me agreeing it does play into Ayin and to an extent Angela's own perception of Carmen that heavily associated with their traumatic association with her seen by how most of the examples I given you here are all extremely emotionally distressing moments or sweet moment that turned distressing/become a bad symbol after bad trauma. Along side with calling to their side of characters that actually resemble and connect to her own. There are parallel to be drawn between Ayin Carmen Angela all together like you once said there are so much Carmen in Angela and Carmen in Ayin and Ayin in Angela and vice versa also literally this

Into the question of Ayin failed with Angela in like, if I understand your question right, is on his attempt to actually create an AI of Carmen out of nothing I personally think that no matter what kind of perception Ayin had of Carmen (though I do agree that it played a part in it) he would still end up with the same type of failed sentient AI because what stopping him from making said AI was not only his own comprehension of Carmen's character but also because he personally view the act itself as something inherently disgusting and morally reprehensible. Abram talking about the making of Sephirot which is the closest to an Angela's creation something only a sick twisted person would do in the main story and Ayin's monolog in Snow Queen saying that Carmen would have been disgusted by him knowing he would do this which indicate that he personally see the act itself as disgusting too. Despite him saying him feeling no guilt here player with full context of the game can immediately deduce like yeah, he was like actively lying to himself about the fact that he feels no guilt in the narration because the whole game is him lying making up scenario for himself in favor of an ultra realization for completion of Carmen's life dream and him being unsure and lying about everything he feels which I personally think would effect his decision in making Angela as well as literally everything he does

(Literally examples for his "I lied, lmao" moment)

And in one QnA where the writer did straight up say that "Ayin simply couldnt and wouldn't make anything resemble Carmen" which can be interpret in a multitude of ways but at the same time PM have not been consistent with their lore answer in QnA in comparison to their plot development as well so take it with a pinch of salt as well. There are many reasons for Ayin to make Angela like That and I have my own personal interpretation of How Ayin Views Carmen personally since many things be affecting his view on her I agree with you but also don't know if you can pinpoint it as the Exact Main Reason to why he failed since not only was he flawed in perceiving Carmen he is flawed in being like, a Committed person along with him being actually very emotionally perceptive of people that he rather just look away from them for his own personal comfort by actively lying to himself about the reality in which he experience along with many other thing

[staraxiaa]

I just read Sunflower and i kid you not, i directly send a 3 minutes long voice mess to my boyfriend. This was genius. Incredible. I love you. Please teach me. Please be happy. You deserve the world. My head is going to ne filled with this.

responding to all your comments that you've left here below - thank you, you are so kind. this is really long. sorry for the yapping.

firstly, oh my god. the one you left on sunflower LMAOO i laughed out loud bc i never imagined someone would like my work so much, that they'd contemplate printing it! i'm glad you enjoyed the way i wrote the reader - i wasn't sure how to characterize her at first, but she grew on me so much. i'm honored. hopefully one day i will be able to write longer-length fics with the same depth that i did for this one!

also thank you and sorry in advance i need to rant about my fics/concepts - im going to dump them all here, since you asked about them! i don't have anything other than what's on my profile right now, but i hope these suffice. if you have any more questions about anything feel free to ask anytime :). barring outright spoilers, i'm happy to answer anything! some of my in-progress works are on my masterlist ( only titles / pairings, nothing else ). they will be posted to tumblr eventually, and i think they will be long enough to also be posted to ao3! however, i've only started working on these fics recently (read: after july 1st, when i made this blog) so they probably won't be posted for a while, unless i sink into a sunflower-level brainrot again. but! soon! these will likely be in x reader format. here's a tentative list, i won't go too much into detail ( i really want to. i want to do it so bad. but i won't bc spoilers!! )

porcelain, shouto todoroki x actress! reader. - but this will deal with very dark themes (eating disorder, suicidal ideation, sexual violence, child abuse, and anything similar associated with the acting/idol industry) that a lot of people will likely find uncomfortable. will also take me a significant amount of time to write due to the research i need to do to give these themes (hopefully) justice.

pirate! katsuki bakugo x siren! reader. - i came up with the concept this morning. it needs to marinate for a bit. but the vision is there!! pure self indulgence fic!! i thought of it and i was like WAIT i am a GENIUS and ive also been listening to the song that inspired it on loop so. mild darker themes but nothing like porcelain lol

sukuna x kitsune! reader - honestly i just really like kitsune mythology and whenever i think of this i want to stick my fist in my mouth and scream because im like the POTENTIAL. i also really like aus about fantasy historical times (im a diehard historical xianxia cdrama enjoyer. they are terrible. i eat every single one of them up.) will also deal with dark themes, considering the status of the world/women during those times.

i do have a tentative x oc in the works - vampire hunter! character x vampire. not sure abt the pairing, but it's bnha. i can tell you that this will be an au, like i take liberties with the entire universe and rewrite it style, with an entirely new plot set after the entire anime. (afo wins. i think.) this will hopefully be a chaptered work, which also means it will take me a significant amount of time to write. i like to have a clear vision + most chapters prewritten for anything longer than a one shot before i post bc all of my past projects have been abandoned lol. theyre getting reworked into some of these fics tho!

finally, onto this ask: i actually showed your message to my parents after squealing over it lol thank you. i'm honored you liked my fic so much that you shared it with your loved ones. i am also glad that your head will be filled with this - that's exactly how i felt writing it! nothing else. just ideas bouncing around the rest of my horrifically empty head.

you also mentioned being taught by me how to write twice - i don't think i'm qualified for a teacher. i'm not even an english major :^). i just enjoyed english classes in hs, and write in my spare time. (im actually studying computer engineering and my friends think its really funny bc like lol an engineer?? a coder?? who writes?? i am simply Special)

however, i think i can say this! write for yourself, write whatever you want to write. my first works were published on wattpad back when i was 13. that account has since been deleted, and i cringe really hard when i think back to that time, but i think that without it, without the love that those few interactions gave me, and towards my confidence to post, my writing would not be at all what it is today. it doesn't matter if what you write is bad, or not at all on par with what you'd like - writing, to me, is a journey that you build up every step of the way. you will improve in anything if you pour enough love into it, i think.

( ok unrelated interlude sorry i feel like a wizened sage i should really take my own advice and focus up on school LOL. sorry if this is also like,, condescending at all?? in any way?? i promise i don't mean it in that way )

with regards on how specifically to improve at writing: idk, i'm not that much of an established writer myself. i'm definitely not as good compared to some authors whose works i've read, though i'd like to get someday! firstly, i think reading anything you can is important. the books i usually read are of the fantasy/action/romance types, and i am a serial reader of fanfiction myself. read as much as you can, whatever you'd like. note the authors that say something that sticks with you, cut up the emotions of their characters into a million pieces, hold them within your heart. i am the writer i am today, only because of the thousands of authors who came before me, because i carry snippets of them that i admired, i thought were particularly amazing, and tried to make it into my own. i think i said this in a response to someone else: it's amazing to see how different authors interpret a character and make it into their own, taking little snippets from a fandom, tweaking it just a bit to add their own.

read for your own enjoyment, write for your own enjoyment, practice with a drabble a day or anytime, anything that you want. love the process and every step of it. be like me, and think of a comment at 11pm while watching your cdramas because one reader told asked you if you really liked to make them suffer. think of a concept because you tell them that you'd like to write fluff one day, and fixate on this so strongly that you think of nothing else for a full 48 hours, even when you are sleeping, so much that you wake up, have an idea click together, hop over to your laptop at 8am in the morning on 5 hours of sleep after you sleep at 3 (because you're grinding) and start the grind anew. or, ruminate on your ideas! let them sit, let them simmer, plan it out as slowly as you'd like. it can take you months, years - lord knows. i have a concept i've been sitting on for the better part of minimum five years? i say this, because once an idea clicks for me, the flow of it feels natural. i grin whenever i think of something really stupid to put in, a sentence that feels just perfect, a reference that 90% of my readers will probably miss.

when i decided to start this blog, it was because i was like: it'd be really cool if i went viral! and also because i wanted to share my work, to motivate myself into writing. i write because i am delighted when anyone chooses to interact with my posts, to like my writing. but i also write - and i think this is really important - solely for myself. yes, it's astounding to see the numbers go up, and i've honestly obsessed over the notifications for like hours now im ngl. but i write works for me, in a way that i know i will love; that will have me rereading over and over going oh my god i love ME. i write for those moments i will read back upon and grin quietly to myself at my own self-supposed literary genius.

tl;dr, write for yourself, and write something you know you will love.

if you have specific questions, i would be happy to answer them. to the best of my ability. i write entirely based off of vibes. i am also not sure if you asked that as like an unserious thing but i still tried my best either way.

sorry if this took too long / if any of it is unreadable / stated a bit? weirdly? tried my best :^)). also apologies for the yapping, it is also a disease, and like with my brainrot, i fear it is terminal

[landmineclinic]

okay serious question but how do you motivate yourself for a huge life changing event (board exam in my case) when you’re feeling apathetic?

like idk how to explain it but pressure doesn’t work for me bc i just dont have any feelings.

ive just been kinda “floating” since graduating. sure i have a part time job and go to the gym but when it comes time to study my brain just doesn’t care. i have no set testing date because i cant register for the board exam until i pass my exit exam, which ive taken twice and just been slightly off the passing score that’ll qualify me to take the boards. some of my peers already passed their boards and im still here unable to pass the exit exam. idk i just feel kinda stuck and unable to move forward. not to mention that literally everyone in my life keeps fucking asking me about when im taking my board exam and im just getting sick of this question like bro idk.

i need genuine answers because if you tell me to just study until i pass im going to rip out all of my hair.

material possessions dont motivate me. honestly ive never actually had dreams of prospering in life i literally just move in life like an NPC that just happened to achieve great things. id literally be lying to you if i told you i had a dream job bc ive never dreamt of labor. i studied nursing bc its the closest thing thats genuinely interested me and i dont mind the actual work itself. not even the prospect of like flexing on other people motivates me because i have such low self worth im genuinely surprised ive gotten this far. how do i trick my brain into caring. the closest thing to motivating myself is wanting everyone around me to leave me alone. idk. help

[patchwork-oil]

❧ "I didn’t say goodnight”

Pairing: Mumbo/Grian (romantic) Word count: 1,256 Warnings: Includes what may be a panic attack, but I don’t know enough about them to say that with certainty. I think that qualifies as angst. Ask for more warnings if necessary

Summary: Mumbo is working late, and Grian is getting just a bit lonely, but it seems there’s a little more to the puzzle than that.

Author’s note: The first fic of mine I’ve ever posted! umm critical feedback may be ignored bc im just doing this for fun but I’ll consider it ^^ Pointing out typos is always appreciated! The pair is in an established relationship and live together. Please enjoy :)

   Grian stared down the empty side of the bed with discontent. He’s tried to sleep, but at least an hour of struggle has passed to no avail. He knows Mumbo said he would be working late, he knows he told Mumbo he understood, and he knows he’s working on something important. Maybe he wouldn’t be so restless if Mumbo hadn’t been acting so odd lately.

   Grian pawed absentmindedly at where Mumbo should be. Just shut your eyes and go to bed. You can’t just ask him to stop working. He tried to knit eyes closed, honestly he did. Don’t be selfish. You sleep beside each other every day, you can handle one night without him. Grian knew this much logically, shouldn’t that be enough to coax him to sleep?

   Grian sat up with a knot in his gut. If he just said goodnight to Mumbo one last time, he would be satisfied. Yeah, yeah! He’d just walk out that door and into Mumbo’s workshop, kiss him goodnight, give him a big hug, and he’d finally be able to fall fast asleep. It’s a plan.

   So he padded through their dark base, keeping a hand dragging across the walls he passed for a bit of stability and wings dragging along the floor. Down the stairs, turn at the hallway, and open the door. The welcoming squeak of the floorboards beneath him as he walked closer to desk made Mumbo jump sharply, turning to see Grian in his loose pajamas and feathers misaligned and trailing the floor behind him.

   “Hiii! Mumb!” Grian’s chirp came out as a slurry of sleep.

   “My love, what are you doing up?” Mumbo’s words weren’t much more awake than Grian’s.

   As Grian approached, Mumbo swiveled around and they wordlessly embraced in a hug. Grian buried his head down into Mumbo’s neck, taking as much of a breath of him as possible before he knew he would have to go back. Mumbo seemed to relish just as much, holding onto Grian’s back as if they had to hold so tightly if they wanted to stay upright.

   In sync, they pulled away.

   “Grian it’s…” Mumbo pulled back his sleeve “it’s past midnight, you have to be up tomorrow.”

   “I’m only saying goodnight.. n’ then I’ll go back.”

   Mumbo’s heart thumped and his face of knitted worry softened just a bit. “My dear…”

   Grian reached for Mumbo’s face, staring at his eyes for a thick moment before planting a kiss square on his forehead. “How much longer do you still have to work, Mumb?”

   Mumbo’s eyes widened, then he quickly turned back to his work, trying to hide the way his face knitted with worry once again.

   “Erm, well. I’m… About that I’m… See you don’t really need to worry about it I’m sure I can… it’s… erm…”

   Oh. Grian was expecting a concrete answer. He craned to get a better look at Mumbo, but Mumbo flinched into turning further away.

   “Mumbo? Are you alright?”

   “Yea—! Er, well no yeah it’s not- I’ll be fi—no it’s fine, really!”

   Grian’s feathers bristled.

   “Mumbo, tell me what all of this is about.”

   “You said you’d go to sleep after you told me goodnight.”

   “And I didn’t say goodnight yet.”

   Mumbo finally swallowed, stared up at Grian, and sighed. He braced his grip on the rim of his stool.

   “I haven’t—” he choked, “—I haven’t been working on this blueprint Iskall asked me to rework. He asked me—“ he curled in on himself and hugged his sides, “—2 weeks ago. And I just haven’t been working on it! I haven’t been working on it and he’s been asking for it and I just haven’t done it.” Mumbo started to breathe quickly, and flung arm gestures into the air in front of him.

   The twinge of disgust in Mumbo’s voice wrought Grian’s heart with distress.    “And I don’t know why! I’ve quite literally had all the time in the world, Iskall’s been the most understanding and each time he asks for it I disappoint him and I’m so sick of disappointing him and—“

   “Mumbo! Mumbo listen to me! Stop! Oh—“ Grian grasped Mumbo’s shoulders and attempted to pull Mumbo to face him, but Mumbo was so stiff and his chest raising so quickly that he couldn’t move him. “Mumbo if you would breathe—“ Grian tried shouting so Mumbo could hear him over his sobbing. Thinking quickly, he wiggled himself between the stool and the desk and used the leverage from the furniture to push the chair back just a bit with the force of his legs. When just grabbing a hold of either shoulder didn’t draw Mumbo’s attention, he took a hold of mumbo chin, and pulled it up to face him. Mumbo’s eyes were clearly clouded with tears but he started finally gasping for breath.

   “Mumbo breathe for me, can you please?”

   Mumbo’s heaves came out terribly trembling, but continued them thankfully.

   “Oh good, Mumbo, good job. Great job, that’s it,” Grian worried circles into Mumbo’s shoulders. “My poor thing.”

   Mumbo’s body shuddered just a couple more times before stilling. Sniffles continuously rose from him.

   “Mumbo if you can hear me, please hear that you doing so well. Not breathing, I mean. You’re doing fine work on the blueprint, Iskall is your friend and he will understand.”

   “I’m awful.”

   “You will not say that again. How awful could you possibly be if you’re killing yourself over this desk in the middle of the night, trembling and shaking like a rabbit in front of a.. a hawk! Just trying to do a favor for your friend? I know you feel bad. We can fix this Mumbo, but we can’t fix it in the state you’re in now if you could breathe for me just a bit more.” Grian pulled Mumbo’s disheveled hair up and out of his eyes.

   Hushed, Mumbo shivered. “Grian. I don’t know what to do.”

    “We will figure this out Mumbo. I will help you.”

   “You’re too… kind to me Gri.”

   “You’re silly. You’re quite silly Mumbo.”

   “I’m not silly,” Mumbo sniffed.

   “Right right right, of course. Would you like to come to bed with me? Get out of your work clothes. It’s not good to be dressed up like that for so long y’know.”

   “Who says that?”

   “I do. And I say you’re coming to bed and we’ll think about this in the morning.”

    “I’m sorry Grian.”

   “No, you’re coming to bed, you don’t get that choice.”

   “Not about that! Not about that! I mean, sorry for troubling you.”

   “Would you quit with that, your struggles are never worth an apology. Especially to me.” Grian closed in on Mumbo once more and hugged Mumbo tightly, another kiss to his forehead.

   Mumbo put up no further resistance and leaned on Grian for the majority of the way to their bedroom. Down the hallway, up the stairs, though the door.

   Mumbo in his pajama pants and Grian leading him under the covers, Mumbo offered a new question. “How did you know, Grian?”

   “Hm? Know what?”

   “How did you know I needed help?”

   “Wasn’t it obvious?”

   “I mean how you knew to come downstairs to me.”

   “Oh, I didn’t know that. I just—“ Grian stopped himself, now fitted under the blankets and Mumbo snuggling closer and closer into Grian’s chest. “I well, um.”

   Mumbo raised his head, looking up to try and find Grian’s eyes this time. Mumbo expected a concrete answer.

   With Grian’s absence of a response, Mumbo smirked. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you missed me?”

   “Oh shut up.”

Author’s note: Tell me if you liked that! it’s very self-indulgent so i ask you be a little nice ^^; I’d also love to get to know more writers in hermitshipblr bc this is my first time ever posting stuff! Also... how do i tag this lmao

[the-guilty-writer]

Gill I just had a thought I must share with you right away. I can’t decide if I like it or not.

Okay, so. Stephen Gideon. (I know he’s in an episode in like season 10 but I haven’t gotten that far so if im so far off just like smack me or summ)

Stephen Gideon. Wiki says he was born in 1980, which would make him a year or two older than RR. I have no idea what Gideon’s family timeline is. So lemme just make stuff up okay? Okay.

RR grows up with this annoying older brother in Stephen Gideon. They’re inseparable. They hang out at the BAU (BSU) together when their dads are working and they solve lil pretend cases and accuse each other of lying all the time. They’re besties. And then, when Gideon’s wife leaves him (I’m speculating I don’t know if this is canon ok) and moves away, Stephen & RR are totally cut off from each other

There’s possibility for more but I want your thoughts on this

The canon timeline of the entire show is so wacky and sometimes just doesn't make sense so honestly making things up is the best way to do it!

As someone who had childhood best friends that were determined by who my parents were friends with I feel very qualified to answer this lol

I feel like RR and Stephen would have been obligatory besties when they were little, like from ages 2-6 ish. Since their dads work together and they're close in age, they're simply expected to get along and be friends, which isn't hard since they're so young. And since Rossi is a single dad in the RR universe you can bet that Gideon's wife probably baby sat her from time to time.

But that is the biggest difference between Stephen and RR- Stephen has a mom who can take care of him and RR just has her dad. I'd imagine that RR would spend far more time at the BSU than Stephen did since Gideon's wife would have watched Stephen most of the time. Rossi would have to find a babysitter, daycare, or watch RR on his own and I bet he didn't get paid as much then as he does now so bringing RR to work was just more cost-effective a lot of the time.

But still, Stephen would have been RR's first "best friend", especially before she went into kindergarden where she could choose her own friends. I imagine she would have been 5 or 6 when Stephen had to move away with his mom. She would have been confused at first, because that's hard to explain to a 5 year old, especially a 5 year old who doesn't have a real concept of what having two parents is like.

I don't know that they would have chosen one another as friends if their dad's didn't work together though. Just from personal experience I know that before I started school, my friends were all my parent's friends kids. That's not to say that we didn't get along, but it's more of an obligation to be friends with them because those are the friends that you have access to.

But those first obligatory friends also determine a lot about who you choose to socialize with when you grow up. All of my friends from the ages of 2-5 were boys because my mom's friends all had boys. I was the only girl. To this day, I have an easier time socializing with men than women because my first social interactions with peers were with boys. I also can't get a date to save my life because I'm such a "one of the guys" girl. Early social conditioning matters.

In an upcoming fic there is a small moment of RR and her thoughts on JJ. RR takes to Spencer right away (in The First Week), but I made it so she isn't quite sure about JJ. Her whole life she has been surrounded by men, so it's not a suprise that she'd need more time to warm up to the girls. I think it's also worth noting that Emily also seemed to grow up with more male friends than female friends and for that reason I think that her and RR would get along really well once they figured one another out. It's a dynamic I'm excited to explore in future fics!

I do think that it would be interesting to write something about Stephen visiting the BAU when RR is an agent there and seeing how Stephen went down one path- poor relationship with his father, no interest in profiling- while RR went down the other- legit became a profiler and has an amazing relationship with her dad.

Hopefully this answered your question just a little bit. I went on kind of a tangent there. I feel like there is some room to explore here, but I'd have to marinate on it to get a better grasp on what RR and Stephen's childhood friendship would look like.