Tumgik
#how am I supposed to sleep at night knowing what I know...
alastwhorez · 2 days
Note
may i request something where reader watches alastor undress. him slowly taking off his coat… sliding off the straps of his suspenders… rolling his sleeves up to his elbows…
Talking Body
♡ Pairing: Human!Alastor x Afab!Reader
♡ summary: Alastor has been neglecting you lately, so he decides to give you a show.
♡ warnings: 18+, MDNI, stripping, needy reader, neglected reader, masturbation, voyeurism, bodily fluids, Alastor is a tease, pet names. I think that is everything.
♡ an: Thank you so much for the request. I hope you enjoy! Not proofread, possible spelling errors
The day was long and boring. Being a stay at home wife you tend to run out of things to do by the end of the week. All the chores were finished and dinner was in the oven.
You were glad it was finally time for your husband to get home. You've missed him dearly. He has been working late hours at the radio station the past several weeks. Not returning home till late in the night, long after you have finally gone to sleep. This morning however Alastor had promised you he would be home on time. Telling you he had a surprise for you.
Since your husband has been working late he has started to neglect you intimately. Alastor was never one for physical contact but he always made sure you were taken care of.
You checked the clock and saw you still had about an hour before he should return Home and another twenty minutes for the food to cook. You decided it was a perfect time to take care of the ache between your legs.
You spread out on the couch, hiked your dress up over your hips and pulled the top down to expose your tits. Your hand trailed down your body till you found your Clothed cunt. You push your panties to the side and rub your finger up and down before finding your bundle of nerves. After a few minutes you slip a finger inside and start pumping.
You whine because it's not as good as Alastors cock, doesn't stretch you the same way. You speed up fingers trying to find release when the door slams Open.
Alastor is standing in the doorway with flowers and a shocked look on his face when his eyes land on you. You gasp and stop moving.
“My my my, what is my lovely wife doing?” He says smirking in a teasing tone.
Your mouth hangs open not knowing how to respond. “Couldn't wait for your dear old husband to come home? Tsk tsk tsk” He shakes his head back and forth. “Just what am I going to do with you darlin'?”
He shuts the door with his foot as he walks into the living room, playing the flowers on the coffee table. He grabs your hand and takes you to your shared bedroom.
He pushes you down gently to sit on the bed as he grabs a chair and places it in front of you in the middle of the room. He sits down and spreads his legs wide.
“I suppose I have been neglectful these past few weeks, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to touch yourself.”
You whine in embarrassment
“Now you're going to be a good girl and sit there and behave yourself. Bad girls don't get rewarded.”
You nod your head as you bite your lip
“You're going to keep those pretty eyes on me and you aren't going to move a muscle. Understand love?
You nod again and he whispers good girl.
You watch as Alastor takes off his jacket and hat, sitting them beside you on the bed, then you watch as he loosens his bowtie, pulling the fabric and twisting his head back and forth. Next he unbuttons the sleeve of his shirt and slowly starts to roll the right sleeve, exporting his toned, tanned arms, next me moves to the left side rolling even slower.
His eyes stay on you the whole time, a slight smirk on his face when you fidget on the bed and play with your fingers.
He spreads his legs further apart as he trails his hand slowly down his body stopping at his belt, he tilts his head to the side when your breath hitches. Laughing he slowly undoes the buckles and makes a shower of pulling the leather out of his lands. He folds it up and sits it beside you.
He runs his hand back up his chest and stops at his bowtie. He removes it, throwing it towards you. He fists his suspenders before slowly sliding them off his shoulders and removing them completely. His hand then lands on the first button of his shirt. He slowly starts unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
Your legs are rubbing together at this point and you're fisting the sheets on the bed. Alastor is smirking at you as he continues to agonizingly Slow undoing his shirt. When He finishes he lets it hang open and you have to hold back a groan from how delicious he looks.
He slowly lets the fabric fall down his shoulders then His arms, letting it hit the floor. He leans back in the chair and stretches. You watch as his Muscles Flex as he moves. He raises an eyebrow at you as you rub your legs together harder.
His hands run back down his chest and stop at his pants. He lifts his hips up slowly then sits back down. He unbuttons them and slowly slides the zipper down. His eyes are trained on you as he pushes them down his hips then down his legs. He folds them and sits them on the bed then he removes his socks next.
He's left in nothing but his boxers and you moan at the sight. He chuckles as your flushed face. You've hiked your dress back up because of your fisting the fabric. You can see the outline Of his cock and a wet spot forming on his boxers. He lifts his hips and slowly slides them down,leaving them forgotten on the floor.
You suck in a breath at his naked figure. His cock stands tall, leaking. He notices you biting your lip and decides to tease you some more. He wants to see how long you can control yourself.
He fists his cock, giving it a squeeze before lazily stroking it.
“Alastor” you say breathlessly and be chuckles
“What darlin'? I said good girls get rewarded and you've been a bad girl. Touching yourself While I'm Gone”
You whine
You can see the tip glisten from how much he is leaking. it's spilling over onto his fist acting as lubrication. He speeds up his first and moans your name as he throws his head back. While he isn't looking you lean back and spread your legs, pulling your panties down.
When Alastor looks back at you he is met with your cunt on full display and his breath hitches. You suck a finger into your mouth before it finds your bundle of nerves And you start rubbing. You throw your head back and moan, back arching.
He says your Name more stern this time and you moan out his name “Oh Alastor, faster”
He groans and his fist Matches the speed of your finger. Your other hand comes down and you slip a finger in then two. He cups his balls as he watches you matching your pace.
You're both moaning and growing, trying to outlast the other.
“fuck” He curses. Something he hardly ever does. “Look at you. All spread out and giving me a show. So pretty baby, prettiest I've ever seen ya.”
“Alastor! Yes, just like that” you scream as you add a third finger and speed up your pumping.
Alastor grits his teeth feeling his release coming. Your back arches as you feel yours.
“Squeezing me so well baby, pussy was made for me”
You moan feeling that familiar heat flood your senses. You scream his name as you cum all over your fingers.
Alastor moans your name, his eyes rolling back as he shoots his load all over his first. The sight of you pushing him over the edge.
You both sit there for a moment catching your breath. Alastor gets up out of the chair and crawls on top of you.
“That Was a good show darlin’ but how ‘bout I give you the real thing?”
89 notes · View notes
pitviperofdoom · 10 hours
Text
High School Time Travelers, Part 2
It's finally here! Follow up to this story.
***
“So. Spill. What the fuck is going on with you and Angelique?”
Raph fidgeted uncomfortably, and something within Erin roared out in protest at that. They were in her room, surrounded by her clutter and band posters and the stuff he kept at her house to keep his mom from throwing it away. He wasn’t supposed to be uncomfortable here.
Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I time-traveled last night.”
“I’m serious—”
“So am I,” he said wearily. “I woke up in a house I haven’t set foot in for years, across the hall from someone I promised myself I’d never talk to again. It happened, and if you’re stuck on that part then this conversation can’t continue.”
Erin got up and paced her room, kicking aside her backpack, nearly knocking over the guitar stand in the corner. “What the fuck.”
“That’s what I said.”
“What the fuck, Raph.”
“I didn’t mean to!”
The absurdity hit her instantly—he didn’t mean to time travel, as if they were talking about him forgetting his homework or getting in Monica Dillon’s way during passing period. She wanted to laugh.
But then she remembered some of the weird things Angelique had said—about friendships imploding, about college, about shit not mattering in high school, all with the easy certainty of experience.
“Prove it,” she said. “Can you do that thing where you predict what I’m about to say?”
“I’m not stuck in a time loop, dumbass, yesterday I was thirty-three!” Raph snapped. “I had to go through math class trying to pretend I still remembered my teacher’s name!”
“Okay, okay, Jesus.” Erin held up her hands placatingly. “There’s gotta be something.”
Raph sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I dunno. Anything meaningful and unchangeable I can remember won’t happen for a while, so if you’re willing to wait for the Trump presidency or the global pandemic, there’s that.”
“The what.”
“Wait, who’s president right now? It’s still Bush, right?”
Erin pulled a face.
“Next one’s Barack Obama, he’s gonna do two terms,” Raph informed her. “First black president.”
“Oh, huh. Cool,” Erin said faintly.
“Let’s see, what else, um… Balloon Boy? Has Balloon Boy happened yet?”
“No, what the fuck is Balloon Boy?”
Raph brightened. “Yeah, so at some point this family is gonna release like, a homemade weather balloon? Or something? And there’s gonna be this huge panic because they think their son is stuck inside it, but then it turns out he was fine and hiding in the basement the whole time and it was a hoax.”
“Okay, I’ll keep an eye out for that I guess?” Erin sat down again. “You’re seriously not fucking with me right now?”
“I mean, if you want, we could forget this conversation ever happened,” Raph offered. “Continue with our normal lives, while I keep under-reacting to devastating world events.”
“Christ, I don’t know.” Erin pressed her palms into her eyes. After a moment, she lifted her head again. “Wait a minute, we’re getting off track. What does this have to do with Angelique?”
Raph’s silence could not have been louder.
“Raph,” Erin said, a little desperately.
“First you have to promise you won’t be mad,” said Raph.
“Did you sleep with her in the—” Erin paused to do some arithmetic in her head. “—eighteen years between then and now?!”
“She’s my wife,” Raph blurted out.
Moments later, Erin’s mother knocked politely on the bedroom door. “Everything okay in there?” she asked. “That’s an awful lot of screaming for a Tuesday night.”
Erin continued howling into her pillow. “She’s fine, Mrs. Yokota!” Raph called. “We’re looking at—uh—creepypastas!”
“Creepy what?”
“Uh—crap, are they still called that?—like, ghost stories and stuff!”
Placated, she left them to it. Eventually Erin recovered enough to lie back and stare listlessly at the ceiling.
“Dude.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“What the fuck is your life?” Erin demanded. “How did that even happen?”
“We ran into each other at—so my friend Hazel got roped into being in their college roommate’s bridal party and dragged me along for moral support, and Angelique was in the same friend group but with like six degrees of separation from us,” Raph explained. “It took half the reception for her to recognize me because at that point I’d been on T for a few years, but the second she realized we went to the same high school she turned fishbelly-white, pulled me aside, and apologized for how much of a bitch she was back then. It was really awkward.”
Back then, he called it, even though for Erin it was still right now. “And you married her?”
“Like eight years later, yeah.” Raph ran his hand through his hair, not quite hiding the small smile that stole over his face. “She really turned over a new leaf.”
Erin was silent for a while, mulling over this new information, combining it with what she already had from that afternoon.
“Is your name still Raphael?” she asked. “She sounded really surprised about it. And I know you said you were just taking the name on a trial run, but you really seemed to like it. Not that there’s—you know,” she added. “I know that—just because I picked it, I knew you might not… you know. It’s fine, I was just wondering. If I should call you something else.”
“I did—I do like it,” Raph assured her. “But, uh, some stuff happened. My dad found me.”
Erin’s eyebrows shot upward. “Wait, really? What’d he have to say for himself?”
“That Mom ghosted him when she got pregnant because her side guy had more money.”
“Dude, fuck your mom.”
“Don’t fuck my mom, she’ll ghost you for money, weren’t you listening?”
Erin burst out snickering. “Fuck, sorry, this isn’t funny.”
“It will be in eighteen years,” Raph said with a wry smile. “Hindsight. Anyway, he found me in—he’s gonna find me in two years unless I reach out first. He’s a good guy. My stepmom’s pretty cool, too. And I have sisters? So that’s awesome. And yeah, he had this friend who passed away when he was younger, and he always wanted to name his son after him, but then Mom disappeared and he only ended up having daughters, so when he found me, it kind of worked out.” He hesitated. “I’m Damian. Damian Raphael Harker.”
“That’s such a cool name,” Erin sighed.
Raph—Damian—tilted his head back to grin at her. “Yours is cool, too.”
“Shut up,” she said fondly.
“No, seriously,” he said emphatically. “Your name is unspeakably cool.”
There was something odd in his tone, sticking up and catching like a loose nail. It bothered her, the same way something Angelique said earlier had bothered her.
“Hey, Ra—Damian?” Erin said cautiously. “Earlier, when Angelique sat down with us, she didn’t recognize me.”
“She does, don’t worry.”
“No, she didn’t,” Erin pressed. “It took her a second to realize who I was, and she stopped herself from saying why.”
Suddenly Damian looked deeply uncomfortable. “I, uh.”
She took a deep breath. “Was I dead in your time?”
“Wh-no! No no no no, of course not!” Damian looked horrified. “We played Pathfinder like last week, you’re not dead.”
“What’s Path—no, never mind. Something’s clearly up. If we just played whatever-that-is last week, and Angelique is your wife, then why didn’t she know who I was?”
“Uh…” Damian’s hands had worked their way deep into his sleeves. “You look different, that’s all. You kind of reinvented yourself in college.”
“Oh,” Erin said, momentarily relieved. Then— “Wait.”
“What?’
“Damian. You’d—” She hesitated. “If I was a guy, you’d tell me, right?’
“Oh my God,” Damian mumbled into his be-sweatered hands.
“Damian.”
“You’re... not...”
“You’d tell me, right?”
“See, I don’t know if I would!” Damian answered, in a strained high-pitched tone. “That’s—look. If you were a guy, that’s something you’d have to work out for yourself!”
“Damian, I swear to God.”
“I can’t crack your egg for you, that’s like violating the Prime Directive!”
Erin seized a pillow and started to buffet him with it. “You are such a nerd!”
“It’s your personal journey, you can’t use me to cheat!” Damian cackled, fending her off with a plush horse.
***
“Yeah I’ll get the banana split.” Angie bounced on the balls of her feet, eyes raking over the array of toppings. “Can you put caramel and chocolate sauce on it? And Heath bar pieces, chopped strawberries, and M&Ms.”
“Yeah, sure thing.”
It took all of her self-control not to press her nose against the glass as she watched them make it. Some small part of her balked at the sight of three huge scoops of ice cream and all the toppings, but she quieted it. She had a second shot at being a teenager, and that meant never taking her garbage disposal stomach and body made of rubber bands for granted ever again.
She hummed absently to herself, only to pause halfway through the tune. How did it go again? She tried repeating the first half, only to get stuck at the same spot. Oh, this was going to bug the crap out of her. It wasn’t like she could look it up, not when the song wouldn’t come out for almost ten years—
Her phone vibrated in her purse, and she checked it absentmindedly, zeroing in for a moment on the DAD displayed on the screen. After a moment, she put it back without answering. If it was that important, he could text.
Sure enough, her phone gave a short buzz. New text message—he hadn’t even bothered to leave a voicemail.
DADI need you to talk to your brother.
Angie checked her banana split’s progress with a glance, and replied.
lol why
DADHe’s not listening to me. We both know the courts favor the mother so if we’re going to beat her I need both of you on your A game.
Angie ground her teeth until her jaw creaked.
what do you need me to do
DADJust coach him on how to talk about her. You’re a smart lady, I know you can do it. He’s always getting scuffed up at practice, just have him say the bruises came from her. Throw in a drinking problem if you have to, just keep your stories straight.
why father dearest i’m surprised at youyou want me to lie under oath?
DADJust talk to him, will you? Keep your stories straight, don’t get too outlandish, and we’ll get out of this with everything we want. You’ll never have to hear the word no again, I promise.
ok daddy ill do my best!
DADGood girl. You’re the smartest girl I know. Smarter than your mom, smarter than her bitch lawyer. Love you!
“Order up!”
Angie brought her banana split to the table with the clearest view of the door. It took her a moment to decide how to begin, then nearly a full minute balancing equal parts ice cream, banana, and toppings in a single spoonful. She managed it in the end.
Mood lifted, she unlocked her phone again and made a call. “Heeeey, Anika.”
“Need I remind you that phone calls are billable,” her mother’s lawyer said dryly.
“Yeah, I’ll be quick, I have some incriminating text messages I think you’ll be interested in?”
The sound of rustling papers paused. “Go on…?”
“Dad just told me to lie to the judge,” Angie explained, twirling a thin ribbon of caramel around her spoon. “And to coach Eric to lie to the judge. I took screenshots.”
Anika cursed softly under her breath. “Thank you for telling me. Send them to your mom, okay? Thank you.”
“Yeah, no problem.”
The bell above the ice cream parlor door jingled, and Angie perked up as both Damian (Raph?) and Erin walked in. She waved them over, grinning when both pairs of eyes widened at her treat.
“That thing’s half the size of your head,” Erin pointed out.
“Sure is, you guys came just in time.” Angie nudged it across the table, along with the two extra spoons. “If we split it, I’ll have enough room for a milkshake chaser.”
“You’re a monster,” Damian said delightedly. “Oh shit, are those Heath bars?” He dug in without waiting for an answer.
“They’re peanut butter cups,” she said solemnly, once he’d taken a bite and could probably tell they weren’t. “I added them just to hurt you.” Damian rolled his eyes and dug his spoon back in.
Erin stared at her, probably still baffled by the gentle banter, but at least she looked more curious than infuriated, like instead of being suspicious she simply didn’t know what to make of Angie.
“So, you guys talked?” Angie asked carefully. “Are we… all good?”
“I think so,” Damian replied, shooting a cautious glance at Erin.
“You’re on thin ice,” Erin informed her as she helped herself to the chocolate scoop.
“Fair.” Angie didn’t remember Erin putting up quite as much of a fight, but then, it had been years when they’d reconnected before. This time around, it was still fresh.
“The ice cream helps,” Erin added, slightly muffled by the spoon in her mouth.
“Noted.” Angie paused, weighed her options, and shrugged. No harm no foul, probably. “Hey, you’re a musician, right?”
Erin swallowed. “Yeah, why?”
“And not just a performer, but you write music too, right?”
“Yeeaaah?” Erin squinted suspiciously. Beside her, Damian shot Angie a warning glare.
“If I give you half a tune, could you resolve it?”
Erin was staring at her like she’d grown a second head. “Probably.”
“Great!” Angie hummed the earworm from earlier. “How would the next part go?”
Erin repeated it to herself, nodding along. After a moment, she said, “Probably like—”
And sure enough, there it was. The rest of the chorus’s tune came rushing back to Angie’s memory, and she breathed a sigh of relief. 
“Thanks! That was driving me nuts.” Angie returned to her banana split, ignoring Damian’s growing scowl.
Later, when Erin was in the bathroom and  Angelique was standing in line to order her promised milkshake, Damian dug his elbow into her side. “You’re not as slick as you think you are,” he muttered.
“What?” Angie said innocently. “I didn’t give anything away.”
“You just taught her half the chorus of a song she’s eight years away from writing!”
“I’ve planted a seed,” Angie insisted. “I’ve created a stable time loop.”
“That is not what you did and you know it.” Damian pursed his lips, clearly trying to stay annoyed with her. “I barely avoided spoiling her transition, and that’s after she asked me to my face.”
Angie grinned. “So you haven’t told her she’s a genderfluid punk rocker yet?”
“No. Because she’s not a genderfluid punk rocker yet.”
“And now, when she becomes one,” Angie said with a smile, “she’s going to look back on this day and laugh.”
115 notes · View notes
fxckadoodledoomunson · 21 hours
Text
A Heart Divided -2-
Tumblr media
Previous
|2| Finding a new sanctuary…
Summary: You try your best to focus on your studies and training for the upcoming swimming competition, but with Eddie and your sister making it difficult for you, you’re left with no choice but to turn to Steve for help.
Warnings: swearing, Eddie and your sister being arseholes.
Tagged: @somethingvicked @ali-r3n
As soon as you heard your parents were home, you immediately went back to your place so you could ask permission to stay over at Chrissy’s.
When you stepped inside, you heard your sister ask your father in a babyish voice, “Daddy…”
“No!” Your father sternly interrupted.
“But you don’t know what I was going to say,” your sister whinged, as she followed him to the kitchen, where your mother was unpacking the groceries.
“Well whatever it is, the answer’s still no,” your father retorted.
“Come on, honey,” your mother said to your father. “Just hear what she’s got to say.”
Your father sighed, before asking your sister, “Well, what is it?”
“I need to borrow fifty bucks,” your sister replied.
You rolled your eyes at the word borrow. You knew that what she meant was, “I need fifty dollars from you for my selfish gain and will not have any intention of returning it.”
Thankfully, your father wasn’t stupid to fall for whatever your sister says. After he declined to give her any money, she started to throw a tantrum, “But Daddy, it’s not fair. I’m supposed to go out with Roxy and Diana to this new club tonight. How am I supposed to go without money?”
“Simple, get a job like the rest of us, and not lounge around all day,” your father sternly told her. “Or better yet, not drop out of college in the first place.”
Your parents started to argue about your sister. After a year at college, your sister had decided to drop out as she felt it was more tiresome to study than go out and partying all night. While your father had always gave discipline, your mother on the other hand, coddled her. As your shoes squeaked against the kitchen floor, everyone stopped arguing, noticing you.
Your father quickly smiled, as he greeted you, “Hey pumpkin, where have you been hiding?”
“I was over at the Cunningham’s,” you replied.
Your mother approached you, as she asked, “Darling, why’s your face red? Have you been crying?”
“Let me guess, over a boy?” Your sister snidely asked.
“Enough from you,” your father scolded her.
You wanted nothing more than to snitch on her for being with Eddie, knowing how your parents felt about him, despite him always being polite to them when he used to come over for the tutoring. However, you didn’t have the energy to do it. So instead, when your father asked if it really was over a boy, you lied to him, “No Dad, it’s not. I guess I’m just a little overwhelmed, with finals coming up and the final two swimming competitions…”
You deeply sighed, when your father put his arm around you, comforting you, as he said, “You just do your best. Even if you get third place in the competitions, I would still be proud of you.”
You gave him a small smile, as you thanked him, before hugging him, ignoring your sister’s sour faced expression.
As your father let go of you, you began to ask him, “Actually Dad. I was wondering if I could stay over at Chrissy’s tonight? She’s asked me to help her with her homework.”
You figured that your father would say no, but instead he replied, “Sure pumpkin.”
“Well, are you still having dinner with us?” Your mother asked. “I’m making vegetable lasagna.”
You politely shook your head, before telling her, “Chrissy said that I can have dinner with her and her family.”
You then excused yourself from the conversation, so you can gather your overnight stuff and your sleeping bag. You were about to go upstairs when you stopped and told your father, “Oh by the way, I had to leave work early today, so I need to work an extra couple of hours to make up for it.”
“Of course, pumpkin. Do what you need to do, just don’t overdo it, okay?”
You nodded, before rushing up the stairs, overhearing your sister complaining about you, “That’s not fair, why does she always get what she wants, but I can’t?”
You got the guy I wanted, you thought. Isn’t that enough for you?
Meanwhile at Gareth’s place, Eddie and the rest of Corroded Coffin were rehearsing for the next night. While everyone was in the zone, Eddie found himself distracted. He thought about Chrissy’s sudden change in her demeanour when he saw her.
After noticing that Eddie was messing up the chords, Jeff raised his hand, prompting everyone else to stop.
“Eddie,” Jeff called out, making Eddie stop and turn to him. “What’s going on with you man?”
Eddie huffed, as he took off his guitar strap, placing his guitar in its case.
“It’s Chrissy,” Eddie spoke, as he scratched his head.
“What about her?” Grant asked.
Before Eddie could answer, Gareth exclaimed as he pointed at him with his drumstick, “I knew it! You’re secretly dating her, aren’t you?”
“What?! No! Of course I’m not!” Eddie denied.
Suddenly, the other two boys chuckled when Jeff mentioned, “Well, you’ve been really friendly with each other since the end of the semester.”
No longer tolerating their teasing, Eddie stomped towards them, as he angrily said whilst showing his index finger, “First of all, we’re not dating! She’s a client and a friend. And secondly…” He showed his index and middle finger, as he blurted, “I’m already seeing a woman.”
The rest of the boys’ faces fell, hearing Eddie’s confession, which led them to ask so many questions…
“Wait what?”
“You’re seeing someone? Since when?”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Is she hot?”
“Who is it?”
“How far did you get with her?”
Having enough of them bombarding him with questions, Eddie bellowed, “SHUT UP!”
The boys became silent, not wanting to piss off their leader.
Eddie took a deep sigh, before answering them, “I’ve been seeing her since spring break, and yes, she’s like super hot…”
“Super hot like Phoebe Cates?” Gareth asked.
“Way hotter than her,” Eddie pointed out.
The boys excitedly exclaimed, before Jeff asked, “So, who is it?”
Eddie smirked, as he crossed his arms, before revealing it was your sister.
The three of them stood still, as their jaws dropped, before repeating your sister’s name.
Eddie nodded gleefully.
“No way, she was like the hottest girl in the school,” Jeff commented.
“Not to mention rich,” Grant said, before asking if your sister and you were neighbours with Chrissy.
Eddie nodded, before revealing that after he went to see your sister, he went to see Chrissy and asked if she wanted to watch the band rehearse. “It’s weird,” Eddie told them. “Today at school, she was friendly with me, but when I went to visit her, she gave me the cold shoulder.”
“Did you say something that might have pissed her off earlier?” Grant asked.
“Of course I didn’t, I don’t think so anyway. Although…” Eddie then mentioned that Chrissy glared at him from her window earlier after saying goodbye to your sister.
The boys glanced at him in confusion, wondering why Chrissy changed her attitude towards their leader when Gareth exclaimed as he banged his cymbal, “Aha!”
“What?” Eddie asked.
Gareth scoffed, before asking him, “Dude! Isn’t it obvious?”
Before his confused bandmates could ask, Gareth told them, “She’s jealous.”
Jeff and Grant disagreed while an astonished Eddie furrowed his eyebrows.
“There’s no way she’s jealous,” Jeff told Gareth.
“Plus, she’s with Carver,” Grant mentioned.
“So?!” Gareth retorted. “Just because she’s with that douchebag, it’s doesn’t mean that she still wants to be in a relationship with him. Maybe,” he raised his drumstick, as he continued. “Just maybe…she’s finally come to her senses and wants to leave the dark side.”
Eddie raised one of his eyebrows at the drummer, thinking about his theory. He couldn’t lie, he did once have a small crush on Chrissy when they met at the middle school talent show, but that faded over time. Even when they reconnected during the first deal, he didn’t feel that way again about her, especially as he actually liked…
“I’ve just realised something,” Grant spoke up as he interrupted Eddie’s thoughts.
“What?” Jeff asked.
Eddie shifted his attention to the bass player, as Grant asked Eddie about you.
Eddie huffed, crossing his arms, as he asked “What about her?”
“Well, weren’t you like into her?”
Jeff and Gareth faced each other in realisation, before commenting that they remembered that Eddie did once comment how amazing you were for helping him get his grades up and how happy he was to see you watch the band at the Hideout.
“So?” Eddie retorted, as he glared at them.
“So what’s changed?” Grant asked. “I mean, you gave me a hard time earlier for acknowledging her. How did you go from her to her sister?”
Eddie rolled his eyes, as he exhaled in frustration, before telling his bandmates, “You wouldn’t believe me even if I tell you.”
“Try us,” Jeff replied.
Eddie shifted his attention between the three boys before revealing why he chose your sister over you.
Staying over at Chrissy’s house was something you definitely needed. Although you were still upset about Eddie and your sister, Chrissy did her best to cheer you up after you helped her with her homework, as you both watched both Grease movies and listening to your favourite songs to lift your spirits up.
When the next morning came, you were dreading, not only potentially bumping into your sister as she would go out to see her friends for morning coffee, but also going to school and seeing Eddie.
You clutched your backpack, feeling nauseous when Chrissy placed her hand on your shoulder, as she assured you, “It’s going to be okay.”
You nodded at her, thanking her before heading to your front yard to grab your bike when you heard a vehicle horn honking. You turned around, worried that it was Eddie’s van. Instead, you sighed with relief as you saw Jason’s jeep parked.
You heard him call out Chrissy’s name, as he greeted her, before asking her if she was ready.
Instead of answering him, Chrissy turned to you and suggested, “Come to school with us.”
“Well…” you hesitated. “I don’t-“
“Please?” Chrissy begged.
Unable to resist her puppy eyes, you accepted Chrissy’s offer, which made her smile.
As you headed to the jeep, Jason raised his hand, stopping you getting in. “Woah!” He exclaimed. “What do you think you’re doing? After what you treated my girlfriend-“
“It’s okay, Jason,” Chrissy interjected. “We’ve talked things over and we’ve made up.”
Jason turned to his girlfriend, before shifting his attention to you, as he huffed, whilst signalling you to get in.
You thanked him, as you and Chrissy got in the vehicle.
Throughout the day, you avoided any form of contact with Eddie. You even reluctantly acknowledged the rest of the Hellfire club, as you didn’t want to aggravate him any further. Whilst you avoided him and the others, you were unaware of the cold expressions on the older boys’ faces as they watched you walk past without acknowledging them.
As you headed into one of the classrooms, Jeff commented to Eddie, “You were right about her. She doesn’t even have the guts to look at us.”
Meanwhile, Jason gave Chrissy a peck on the cheek, before heading to his next class, leaving Chrissy to walk alone to the next class she shared with you.
As she walked through the hallway, Eddie called out to her, as he waved at her.
Instead of waving back, she silently glared at him, before stomping to the classroom.
“Dude, she is definitely playing hard to get with you,” Gareth told Eddie, as he patted his shoulder, while Eddie glanced at the door, wondering if Chrissy is really jealous and wanted him or if she just genuinely dislike him.
Later on before your shift ended, you were packing up and getting changed in the staff room when you heard the door bell ring.
You then heard Steve say, “Welcome to Family…Oh, hey Chrissy.”
You popped your head out of the door, seeing Chrissy dressed up in a baby pink dress with matching sneakers. You smiled, as you greeted her, “I’ll be right out.”
You went back to the staff room, to collect everything as you were listening to Steve and Robin talking to Chrissy.
After sorting yourself out, you rushed out in your black jeans and your Iron Maiden shirt, as you told Chrissy, “I’m ready. How are we getting there?”
“Well, Aimee said that she and her brother Tony can drop us off,” Chrissy replied. “But I’m not sure how we’re getting back.”
Before you could respond, Steve interjected, “I can take you two home. Robin and I going later anyway, so we can all go home together.”
Chrissy beamed, as she thanked him, earning a wink from him, which made her giggle. Suddenly, you heard a car beep from outside. You and Chrissy turned to see her fellow cheerleader, waving outside the car window. “Oh, that’s Aimee,” she exclaimed, as she grabbed your hand, and pulled you. “We better get going.”
After you said goodbye to Robin and Steve, you and Chrissy started walking out when you overheard Robin and Steve bantering.
“What?” You heard Steve ask.
“You’re gonna tell me why you winked at the head cheerleader?” Robin retorted.
“It was just a wink. You know, a friendly wink.”
“That was so not a friendly wink.”
You stifled your laughter, as you caught up with Chrissy.
A few moments later, you and Chrissy got out of Tony’s car, as you thanked him for the ride.
“I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Aimee called out.
You and Chrissy waved as Tony drove off, before you turned around and faced the entrance. In that moments, your body froze.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Chris,” you mumbled, wanting to turn away. However, Chrissy stopped you, and held your hand, as she said, “You’ll be fine. If Eddie says or does something, we’ll just leave, okay?”
You nodded, and started walking into the building, as she placed her other hand on your back.
As always, the Hideout was filled with a crowd of five drunks. You looked over at the stage, finding Corroded Coffin performing, before swiftly turning away, trying to avoid being noticed.
You and Chrissy headed to the bar to order your drinks, as your fight-or-flight kicked in. You clutched your chest, as your breathing began to increase. Chrissy noticed this, and placed her hand on your back, as she said, “Deep breaths.”
She inhaled and then exhaled with you until you felt better.
“Thanks Chris,” you replied, as the barmaid placed your drinks on the counter. After Chrissy paid, you both grabbed your drinks and headed to one of booths, further away from the stage. As soon you two found the booth, you heard feedback from the microphone, before Eddie announced, “Are you ready to rock again, Hawkins?!”
After a few claps from a couple of drunks, Eddie announced, “The next song we’re gonna play is Fire Shroud.”
As the band started to play, you couldn’t help but bop your head to the music, realising how much you missed hearing them play.
However, you stopped enjoying yourself when you noticed your sister’s friends, Roxy and Diana, were sitting at a table close to the stage.
If they’re here, then that means… you thought when you noticed your sister coming out of the bathroom.
“I should’ve known,” you grumbled.
“What?” Chrissy asked, not hearing what you said.
You swiftly turned away, avoiding your sister and her friends. Chrissy turned to you, before shifting her attention back to the stage, realising that your sister and one of her friends were heading towards stage to dance together. Chrissy gave you a sympathetic gaze and squeezed your hand , as she asked, “Do you want to go?”
Before you could respond, the last voice you wanted to hear shouted over the music, “Well well well.”
You turned to find your sister towering over you two , as she leaned against the table, continuing to snidely ask, “What do we have here? Shouldn’t you two be at home playing My Little Pony or something like good little girls?”
You took a sip of your drink, trying to ignore her, whilst Chrissy glared at her.
However, your sister kept trying to push your buttons, as she asked you, “Why are you even here? No one wants you here.”
Before you could answer back, you realised that the band stopped playing, as you watched Eddie and the rest of the band heading towards your booth. “Hey, what’s going on, princess?” Eddie asked your sister, as he wrapped his arm around her.
“Well, I was just saying to my baby sister that no one wants her here,” your sister smugly replied.
“It’s a public place,” Chrissy retorted. “You can’t ban someone because you don’t like them.”
“True,” Eddie replied. “But like she said…”
He then glared at you, before finishing his sentence, “No one wants you here.”
You quickly stood up, as you angrily retorted, “That’s bullshit! It’s you two that don’t want me here-“
“Actually,” Gareth coldly spoke up, which caused you to turn to look at him. “Neither of us want you here.”
You gazed at him with confusion, as Jeff told you, “Eddie told us, so don’t try to deny it.”
“What are you talking about?” You asked Jeff, before asking Eddie, “What have you told them?”
“Figure it out,” Eddie coldly told you.
You shifted your gaze at everyone, before turning to Grant, who avoided eye contact with you when you asked, “So, you don’t want me here either Grant?”
Grant continued to avoid you, as you turned your attention to Eddie and your sister, with tears brimming in your eyes. Without saying another word, you grabbed your belongings and stormed out, ignoring Chrissy calling out to you.
Chrissy turned to Eddie, and angrily told him, “I don’t know what’s going on with you Eddie, but you’re being a real asshole, and as for you…”
She then turned to your sister, and scolded her, “How could you be like this to your own sister? What did she ever do to you?”
Your sister blankly looked at Chrissy, before retorting, “Exist, that’s what.”
The next thing that no one anticipated was Chrissy slapping your sister across the face. Before your sister could retaliate, Chrissy grabbed both drinks and threw it at both Eddie and your sister, which made her gasp, before whinging that her outfit was ruined.
“You two deserve each other,” Chrissy spat, before running off to find you.
While your sister ran to the bathroom with her friends following her, Eddie grabbed his handkerchief from his pocket and dried his face off, as Gareth blurted out, “I guess Chrissy’s not into you after all.”
Eddie turned to silently glare at the drummer before heading for the door, giving you and Chrissy a piece of his mind.
Meanwhile, you and Chrissy were sitting on the ground, as you sobbed while Chrissy comforted you.
“I don’t understand it, Chrissy,” you sniffled, unaware that Eddie was eavesdropping. “I mean, I’m sure that I would get over their relationship one day.”
Eddie rolled his eyes, thinking that you were pulling the poor me act when he heard you ask Chrissy. “But what did I do to make Eddie hate me so much?”
Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, confused by your question. At first, he thought it was just an act, but then he wondered if you were being genuine. But then, he shook his head, as he thought, No, I’ve seen enough to know how she actually thinks about me and everyone else.
Before he could step out, he noticed Steve’s car parking near the building.
Not long after, Robin and Steve came out and rushed over to you and Chrissy, checking if you were okay.
After Chrissy explained what happened, Steve immediately said, “We’ll take you guys home.”
As Robin and Chrissy put you in the car, Steve noticed Eddie lurking by the doorway of the bar, and shook his head at him, before getting in the car and drove off.
You silently sat in the backseat with Robin and Chrissy, as both girls comforted you.
“Everything will be okay,” Chrissy quietly told you, as she squeezed your hand.
Everything will be okay.
That was easier said than done. Although you’ve managed to avoid the Hellfire club at school, you couldn’t avoid Eddie and your sister at home. Every time you tried to do your homework, they always had loud music playing from her bedroom, drowning whatever they were doing. You wanted to go over to Chrissy’s place as it was a sanctuary to you. However, thanks to your sister snitching on you both to your parents and Chrissy’s mother, you were no longer allowed to go over, which drove you to go to the basement just so you can finish your studies in peace.
But what aggravated you the most was that you had a swimming semifinal competition coming up soon, and you needed to practice. However, you couldn’t even practice properly as Eddie and your sister decided to make out whilst lounging by the pool.
But the final straw was when the two of them decided to jump into the pool, preventing you from practicing all together.
Having enough of them splashing around, you aggressively splashed the water towards them, as you growled, “That’s it!”
You swam to the ladder and climbed up, as you heard your sister mock, “Aww, can’t handle a little competition?”
Without thinking, you grabbed your sister’s radio and threw it across the yard, smashing it to the ground.
As you stomped back inside, you heard your sister call you a bitch, which made you flip both of them off, no longer caring being called that.
As you were getting changed in your room, you were trying to decide how to practice without interruptions. You couldn’t go to Chrissy’s as you were banned from going over. And you weren’t allowed to go to the school swimming pool after hours without a teacher supervising you. Also, the community pool wasn’t great for practice if it’s crowded. The only solution was…
“Harrington,” you muttered, as you finished getting changed, you packed your spare swimsuit and goggles, before calling Steve at work, asking him if you could stay at his place for a while so you could practice.
“Sure, you know where the spare key is,” Steve immediately told you. You thanked him, before hanging up, so you could call your father to let him know that you were going to Steve’s to practice.
You thought that he would say no. But knowing that how much the competition meant to you, as well as getting the scholarship, he decided to let you go, before telling you, “But don’t stay out too late.”
As soon as you got to Steve’s house, you found the spare key under the flowerpot and let yourself in. You had managed to get a good half an hour of practice when you heard the door slide open.
You turned to find Steve coming through the door, as he greeted you. “Not interrupting you, am I?”
“No, I managed to do thirty minutes so far,” you replied, before continuing to swim up and down the pool, checking your lap time on your stopwatch.
Suddenly, Steve walked towards your stopwatch and picked it up, as he said, “I’ll time you.”
“Okay. Thanks,” you replied as you swam to one end of the pool, while Steve sat one of the lounge chairs.
After Steve started the countdown, he shouted, “Go!”
At once, you swam as fast as you could, back and forth for about five minutes, until Steve called out to you to stop, as he pressed the button on the stopwatch to stop.
You swam towards the ladder and got out of the pool, before grabbing your towel, as you asked, “How did I do?”
As you wrapped your towel around you, you sat in front of him when he showed you the lap times. You grabbed the stopwatch and sighed with relief, as you managed to break your record.
You looked up at him, as you said, “Thanks Steve. I wouldn’t have been able to practice today if it wasn’t for you.”
Steve smiled, before asking, “So, why did you ask me if you could practice here? Is because of your sister and Munson?”
You lowered your head down, facing the ground, not wanting to cry as you thought about them ruining your week.
You heard the chair creak, as Steve moved to sit to you. “I’m sorry,” Steve apologised. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
You shook your head, telling him, “Don’t worry about it.”
You lifted your head, and sighed before telling him, “I wouldn’t have minded them being together if they weren’t such arseholes. But…I don’t know what I’ve done to Eddie to make him despise me.”
“Hey, I’m sure that you’ve done nothing wrong, okay?” Steve wrapped his arm around your shoulder, as he said, “Whatever his problem is, that’s on him. The same goes with your sister.”
You leaned against his shoulder, as you said, “If only I wasn’t born in the same family as her. It would’ve made things less complicated.”
Steve had a sympathetic expression on his face, as he lightly ruffled your dampened hair, which made you smile a little bit. Suddenly, you both heard the phone ring.
“I better get that,” Steve said as he moved away from you, getting up on his feet, before heading inside to answer the phone, leaving you alone to pack your stopwatch in your bag, before taking out your diary and started writing…
No longer tolerating with the so called valour bard being seduced by the succubus, and being banished by the acrobat’s wicked mother from seeing her friend again, the mermaid swam to the other side of the island to find a new sanctuary where she found the young fallen king. Despite his former status, she got on well with the king, and he was willing to help her any way possible, even if it was to talk about her problems. There were times that the mermaid wished she was a part of the king’s family and not have a sibling like…
You stopped mid-sentence when you heard Steve call your name.
You looked up, as you closed your diary.
“It’s your dad,” Steve informed you. “He wants you home right away.”
You felt deflated, hearing the word home. With the way things were at the moment, it didn’t feel like home.
You sighed as you shoved your diary back in your bag, before grabbing your dry clothes and ran inside to get changed.
Shortly getting changed, you immediately ran for the door, as you shouted, “Thanks Steve. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” Steve called out, as he raided his fridge when he turned to find you left your bag behind on the lounge chair. He rushed to pick it up and ran out of the house, as he shouted, “Hey, you forgot-“
By then, you had already gone. Steve shook his head, before going back inside to get his car key.
68 notes · View notes
theprinceandthewitch · 5 months
Text
I didn't think the Bible and The Pilot would make Sense and Insensitivity even more suspicious than it was... but it did...
The Lunter kiss really is going to haunt me forever...
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
120 notes · View notes
hanzajesthanza · 5 months
Text
the headcanon that regis can hang from the ceiling to sleep or rest like a bat is funny on its own, but when i consider geralt and others in the hanza holding conversations with him like this, it’s made better by my understanding of this as just an advanced “neurodivergent sitting” technique
#in an irl au i suppose he could be doing an upside down yoga pose. that would fit irl au regis well. ugh#the better headcanon is angoulême walking in their room. going ‘[head nod up] cahir. where—‘#and cahir (not looking up) points to the ceiling on the other side of the room. also in total darkness btw no candles lit on that side#i imagine that when someone else walks to their room’s door and knocks. for example let’s say dandelion for instance#dandelion’s hardly a stranger but he did that thing where your friend stops hanging out with you because they’re busy with their gf#he knocks and immediately regis is suddenly sitting in bed like a normal person . and he put his eyeglasses on and pretended to read#oh hi dandelion i didnt recognize your footsteps#my… footsteps?#this is actually kind of bullshit though because the only person more talkative than dandelion at night is regis (angouleme close third)#so if dandelion ever wanted to discuss meaning of life at 2 am i know where he would go#sorry cahir. put a pillow over your ear#the elbow-high diaries#edit: no actually he would bother geralt with this#edit edit: no actually he and geralt were ‘on a break’ (unresolved tension) so he wouldn’t. but he would want to#angoulême goes to their room too often to chill and hang out#milva goes to their room and cahir and regis stand at attention like yes ma’am. what do you need#hi milva how are things ​(your ongoing mental health crisis)#if geralt walks in starts talking with regis. cahir leaves the room. ‘im going to um. check on the horses’#its 12 am. horses are sleeping. ? answer; he is being a considerate roommate. he had to share bunks before. he knows how It Is
30 notes · View notes
maj0rmayhem · 29 days
Text
Really feeling that post abt how yearning and loneliness is great until you're curled up on your bed whimpering at the ache in your chest like a wounded dog. are we cooked chat.
7 notes · View notes
keeps-ache · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
think this is funny. anyway. the Thoughts are back at it again
#just me hi#doodles#Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Characterssssssssssssssssssss#[<- projecting things so hard it's experiencing Physical Effects] Lmao#what if . what if the. the. they. the. you know what i mean ??#LIKE. [stares over your shoulder]#head in hands. what am i supposed to do about this gbfhsbvhf#//btw how is it only a thursday lol#it should be friday. or saturday. the timing is long this week i think !#that's#//<- forgot what i was going to say lol; my previous tags popped up and i think that's fun hfbhvs :3#here they are:#that's crazy!#that's me!#that's insane#that's crazy#that's it#hfhbsfh - i seem to be regularly bewildered hfbvhsf#which. well yea lol#//oh yea guess who's halfway done with those refssssss :3#it's meeeeeeeeee :DD !! i'm almost done !! :D#i am enjoying it a bit more than i thought. the feeling of Have To is a real bog hgfsh#//speaking of bog guess who ALSO got their sleep thing figured out#i may just have busted sleeping habits lmao; staying up til 12-2 is actually so great#i wake up at a reasonable hour and don't feel like a mixture of cement and pop rocks got poured into my body and soul overnight hfbshfvh#plus sleeping in twos is working pretty well; stay up til an ungodly hour one night and then the second go to sleep at about 11 or 12#cuz then i can actually Sleep! it's working pretty well hfvhs :>>#//that and i'm figuring out how to drag myself through stuff w/o some outside force compelling me :33#frequent breaks help with morale (if i don't forget what i was doing while doing that lol) and 30 minute timers are a godsend fr fr fr#//AH i've run outta tag space - ciao from here then i guess hfsbvh !! :>
6 notes · View notes
lucyvaleheart · 4 months
Text
.
6 notes · View notes
knifegremliin · 6 months
Text
on my hands and knees begging for my body to let me sleep. please. please. just let me fucking sleep what do you WANT FROM ME.
2 notes · View notes
chaotictomtom · 1 year
Text
hehe hoho feeling absolute rage!!!!!!!!!
#i thought mothers in laws being the worst human possible was a myth. guess what#GOING BALLISTIC 👍#i don't give a shit abt her being all lovey dovey and shit but straight up homophobic and transphobic in my back.#even if after months and months living (hell) with her she never misgendered me nor say anything abt her son being with a man#kinda impressive to be that respectful for this amount of time then in reality being the biggest bigot on earth#like damn. she do be commited to the bit huh (making ppl she's not bothered by my existence) (when in reality she kinda wants me dead)#but like. ALL THE OTHER THINGS.....#IM USED TO THE HATE CRIMED BUT HAVE TRULY LESS TOLERANCE ABT THE TURMOIL BF IS GOING THROUGH BC OF HER LOL#thank fuck so many good ppl who also know who horrible she is are supporting bf with me#the more i learn abt her the more!!!!!! im loosing my temper lmao help im never angry what am I supposed to do with all this#IT'S NOT ONLY SHIT SHE DOES TO HER OWN SON SHE'S TERRIBLE WITH OTHER PPL 💀💀💀💀#i want so badly to warn that company abt the abuse she did to one of the worker going there but i caaaan't#and god knows it reminds me of my groomer and how there's a risk she could do that to other ppl if no one does anything 💀#I mean abt my groomer it is a certainty as he did abuse another wee lad after me and started with another lass and. idk what he's up to now#and it does not help with sleeping at night. but anyway hoping that she won't pull out shit like that with the other workers#she drove everybody working at that company away for having the reputation of being absolutely horrible anyway lmao 💀💀💀💀#sorry for renting no one gives a shit but im simply!!!! loosing it ++++++#need to find a way to channel this anger now lol help!!!!!!!! what do now#tomtom_is_rambling#tomtom_is_venting
5 notes · View notes
caruliaa · 1 year
Text
literally why am always like. feeling so inhernetly inferior to everyone
3 notes · View notes
toastsnaffler · 1 year
Text
istg one of these days.......
#ya know that post thats like texting lesbians: its throw bowling balls down the stairs day u better be game#one of my fave posts ever in the world#anyway my lesbian flatmate texts like the straight female friend part of that post and i love her but its killing me#its endearing but its so hard not to read it as flirty stoppitttt im already dedicating so much work to repressing this little crush 😭#ALSO THAT POST THATS LIKE FLIRTING W GIRLS WILL HAVE U ADDING :3 TO UR TEXTS literally so true but I dont think she means it like that 😭😭#like she talks to everyone that way I remember when I first met her me + my ex spent ages trying to work out if she was gay#bc we were so sure she had a gay vibe but every text felt like it was pointing the other way..... the vindication when I found out she WAS#anyway my resolve weakens with every 😘 emoji like im already thinking abt it dont give me any more ideas !!!!#its not even embarrassing anymore like how am i supposed to exist near someone like her WITHOUT ever having a gay thought#so im not sorry if she sees this. i take rejection like a champ dont be shy#but genuinely tho i dont think shes interested shes just cute like that. and idw make things weird cuz we're still living together next yr#itd be suchh a pain if i made things awkward right when we need to find a place. and anyway my best case is our 3rd flatmates WORST#i wouldnt do that to him god forbid#buuuut...... nope ok enough of that im going back to bed its almost 1am#this is what HAPPENS when u have insomnia tuning into the crazy radio every night#need to get onto dating apps and find smth new to distract me before this gets out of hand....... buttttt i dont want to >:|#its ok my patience is infinite i like playing the long game. i was into my ex for 2 and a half years before i made any moves#i can wait this one out too either itll happen eventually or itll pass. we're good#ok thats GOODNIGHT from me if u read this far wow ur nosy arent u...... jk ily sleep well everyone#muah all round#.diaries
5 notes · View notes
loutrem · 1 year
Text
.
#its dumb of me but a few days ago i went with his deadname on google to see if i could see more stuff about his dead#since his friends who were alqo supposed to be my friends did a 'ceremony' together without telling me#even tho i rly wanted to go to be able to grief and to cry it out properly#so since i havent been able to grieve well i did that. search for his deadname. i just wanted to know#and i found out that a page for him was made on the tdor website. there were a ton of details on what was happening#before and after his death#many things i didnt know about. because i was a shit friend and never kept contact. and also because he was secretivz#i feel awful since then. who was i to him. why couldnt i help him. why am i even sorry for myself. he was the one suffering#i keep crying and i cant sleep at night without reading comics until i feel too tired to open my eyes#because otherwise im thinking too much about him. its just too awful. too unjust#i have. weird cravings for alcohol. ive never even drinked much before. im scared of starting to get addicted#but sometimes i wanna get somethibg anything and just drink until i pass out since people say its good to forget#i wish he were still alive. i wish i could hug him and help him. i wish id visited him in the hospital after his 1st mental breakdown#he had sent me a text to tell me he was there but i had work and i was tired and honestly too lazy to go. and now i regret it so bad#its all so unfair. death is so unfair. grief is so unfair. i was afraid i had no heart before because people who died around me didnt#phase me much. i didnt cry. but now that ive experienced the deaths of 2 actually very close people counting one i couldnt grieve forproper#i just wish i had no emotions. that i wouldnt cry when i think of them. but especially him.#and i cant stop thinking about how awful ill be when my parents die. ill be a wreck.#im just crying in my bed and its 4am. everythibg sucks. im so sorry to everyone whos ever met me. im awful#negative /#death m /#suicide m /
4 notes · View notes
britneyshakespeare · 1 year
Text
why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it#not my finest moment#tales from diana#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
6 notes · View notes
fintensifies · 1 year
Text
Oh the moral dilemma of watching something people have been asking you to see or rewatching the same single episode from a show and specifically rewinding for that one scene fifteen times
4 notes · View notes
noxtivagus · 2 years
Text
evening has come again huh
#🌙.vent#i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that#i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me....#last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time'#she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too#i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you#i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices#i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously#what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance#n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry#& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n#it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating#:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv#but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it#& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come#but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur#i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment.#for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change.#wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too.#this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming#n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me#i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life#i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway#crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be#soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent#struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again#i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive#am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know.#it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me.#it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired
3 notes · View notes