#how much of my self expression is even considered appropriate or obtainable

[soul-spoken]

"I can't see myself, and I feel distant."

My 'self' is directly tied to my appearance, my sense of self was blurred and lost when my vision was.

The last time I felt a connection to myself was fifteen.

I can barely see, truthfully it's less than I really talk about. Daily tasks and such are easy enough, I can do most things like cook and clean - though with struggle. However the blurriness feels like it's preventing me from doing things with my appearance, such as makeup or other forms of expression.

I can't see it.

I don't know what I look like.

I don't know what anyone looks like anymore.

[spiritualhippybitch]

Hii 💕 I have saturn and moon in gemini , and Jupiter and north Node in cancer all in 7th house . What does it mean ? Thanks 💕

Hellooo , I am so sorry for the late answer🥺👉🏽👈🏽 I was really busy and I actually did work many hours on the appropriate answers, because I really hope it will help you! ✨❤️ 

I am assuming, that you are using the placidus house system:)

Saturn in Gemini

This is a good placement for Saturn. Here, Saturns intellectual qualities are emphasized. You are most likely quick witted. A negative side is however, that one might come across as cynical and too skeptical.Many with this placement love to research and have a youthful, almost child like wish to learn.Difficulties like; a lonely childhood, due to the inability to express oneself, might have occurred.Individuals with this placement might have a hard time obtaining an education.However with Saturn in Gemini, one can be gifted with musical abilities.You have to be patient with work.Also cautiousness with the chest and lungs.

Saturn in the 7th house

With Saturn in the 7th house, you are most likely cautious about marriage and partnerships.Even to the point that you might not even marry until later in life.Sometimes people with this placement marry a widow or widower.Might benefit socially from marriage, if not it is not negatively aspected.However there might be possible legal problems through marriage and/or a set back.

Moon in Gemini

This is a very versatile, witty, charming and even amusing placement.It can however come across as very disorganized, inconsistent, superficial, sometimes cunning and even manipulative if unwell aspected.You have an active mind that needs constant stimulation.A very intellectual placement. Usually have a lot of general knowledge.Since the Moon in Gemini is so quick witted it's decisions are more likely intellectual rather than emotional. People with this placement are fast learners and great at multitasking. Very social, many know a bunch of people from different places.You might not like to stay at home for too long and should always take some time to get out and be social. The need to always do something is very occurring. Great placement for writers, teachers and even journalists. Many rappers have Gemini influence, since they are so good at writing. Good with words and communication in general. You probably analyze your feelings a lot .“why am I feeling” is a common question people with this placement ask themselves. You want to understand your emotions. Sadly some with this placement try to ignore their emotions because they cannot understand. You probably have a different way of looking at things and change your mind often.Therefore, you need constant changes, even small ones. Small trips and travels probably benefit you. Good placement for business as well, but making decisions is very hard for you.

Moon in the 7th house

The Moon in the 7th house needs security in relationships, marriages and partnerships.You might marry someone that resembles a parental figure (someone nurturing) who is also protective of you. You might become popular with the public at some point.Negatively; You might jump from one relationship to another because you are scared of being alone or you are constantly looking for “the one”. Positively; You see both sides in an argument and try to be fair.

Saturn and Moon in the 7th house, Gemini

Your mind is always very active. Your need of constant change can make it harder for you to maintain relationships. You are most likely very cautious of your feelings and romanic relationship, however you might, even subconsciously, have the emotional need to be in one. You might feel like you are being pulled from both sides like a rope. It is important that you do not avoid your feeling and find a balance. Generally, Relationships ( any relationship) are very beneficial for you. Even in business! Just be cautious and do not be “too kind” balance is a very important thing for you. Just like patience.

Jupiter in Cancer

Jupiter is considered a lucky placement here.It tends to be optimistic. With this placement you might have luck with investments, real estate and even stock market. It is also a creative, sympathetic and imaginative. Can have luck in creative careers. Speaking of careers, it is also beneficial for chefs and restaurant owners to have this placement as well. In your later years you might also have a very peaceful life. With Cancer in Jupiter you are probably going to become a good parent and/or grandparent.Children can be beneficial for you as well. This could also mean, working with children etc.Some people with this placement have bigger chests. Or at least nicely shaped. Do with that whatever you want.

Jupiter in the 7th house

Another placements for luck and success in marriages and partnerships.You might gain some sort of power through them. Marrying twice and/or rich is very common. Sometimes with this placement people date a lot in search for “the one”.Here, your opponent might even become your friends at some point in your life, because this placement means that conflicts can have beneficial endings.When Jupiter is in the 7th house you have to be careful to not put your trust in the wrong people. Also do not be too generous.

North Node in Cancer

Here you have to learn to balance between your feelings and your responsibility in your family.Learn to notice feelings and become more empathetic, nurturing and be supportive of others.You might built your own home/ family.Children can be very beneficial with this placement because it gives one motherly or fatherly instincts and feelings. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to have children, but working with children could also be an option.You have to stop the need to control everything, even people. Focusing too much on goals and wanting to be in charge of everything is also an obstacle you have to overcome, since your South Node is in Capricorn.However do not ignore your own need to take care of others. You are not responsible for everything.

North Node in the 7th house

With the NN in the 7th house you have to connect with your “true self” since the SN is in the 1st house.It is very important for you to form relationships and partnerships where you can be you true self.This can be romantic but also just friendship.In your past life you might have been more selfish, and now have to learn to become more selfless.(obviously in a health dosage)

You were probably very independent and wanted to do things your way. But now with the NN in the 7th you have to overcome your ego and compromise. There is a chance that you are used to not taking responsibility for others. With this placement it can be learnt from relationships and partnerships how to overcome all of that. Learn letting people in and help but doing the same in return.Again, you will most likely have a beneficial marriage. This placement too, is great for business.

North Node in the 7th house, Cancer

To sum those placements up, it is possible that marriage and children can be beneficial for learning the lesson of the 7th house. Since those experiences can make one very selfless, nurturing and giving, which would ultimately mean you have overcome the karma of the south node. However, if you do not desire having children or maybe even marriage, working with children or generally learning to give and empathy and sympathy through friendships and partnerships can also help you.Just be careful to not be too generous and know your boundaries.

I hope this helped you! 

I did use some Books/PDFs to help me out how to phrase my sentences properly

BIG Credits to: 

The North Node of the Moon in our Astrological Chart by River School of Homeopathy

Lunar Nodes Keys To Emotions And Life Experience by Diane Ronngren

The North Node in Your Chart Twelve Doors to Spiritual Growth by Louise Huber

The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need by Joanna Martine Woolfolk

[phoebosacerales]

JUPITER IN PISCES

Pisces is the most complicated sign to understand in my opinion. As much for being Jupiterian as for being Venusian. Pisces is an inner ocean, and Mercury has neither the resources nor the wits to keep himself from drowning in it. And poor Jupiter when he's isolated in Virgo, he couldn't believe a thing even if he's put together all the data he needs to form a truth. Eliphas Levi, a Pisces of Moon and Mercury, says in "The key to the great mysteries":

"Any dogma constitutes but a belief, and belongs to our particular communion; faith is a sentiment which is common to the whole of humanity. The more one discusses with the object of obtaining greater accuracy, the less one believes; every new dogma is a belief which a sect appropriates to itself, and thus, in some sort, steals from universal faith. Let us leave sectarians to make and remake their dogmas; let us leave the superstitious to detail and formulate their superstitions. As the Master said, "Let the dead bury their dead!" Let us believe in the indicible truth; let us believe in that Absolute which reason admits without understanding it; let us believe in what we feel without knowing it!"

Venus, on the other hand, is made too small a subject, forced to stay inside a little box. Her role, even in her exaltation, is reduced to pleasure, romance and other clichés. I don't mean to say that I consider myself more versed in the subject than anyone else, I only express my frustration as a student of astrology in looking for the goddess.

Surprisingly (or not), I'm always faced with the idea that faith is from Venus. Levi, once again:

"The act of hope is prayer. Prayer is the flowering of the soul in eternal wisdom and in eternal love. It is the gaze of the spirit towards truth, and the sigh of the heart towards supreme beauty."

I once heard Austin Coppock remind us that according to many ancient astrological definitions, Venus rules over ceremonial ritual. She brings that nice incense, the color of the clothing, that specific herb or that stone. She's the one who adorns and transforms the mundane into something beautiful and through that evokes the divine. When we try to define an astrological concept for example, we go out adorning it with great metaphors, poetry and beautiful words. We circle around until we get somewhere, and we feel the frustration of never getting to the surgical definition of what we're trying to evoke. Frustration, speechlessness and a total lack of apprehension are part of the nature of these things. Venus always leaves a taste of wanting more and at the same time a sweetness in our mouths. Love and faith cannot be explained. They demand an openness, trust and charity that only Venus' uncertainty makes possible.

In Jupiter in Pisces vibe, I'm also reading a book about prayer: "Interior Castle" by Saint Teresa of Ávila, which is kinda alien to me, who's always struggled with faith. Teresa of Ávila had a beautiful Venus in Pisces conjunct her ascendant. "Interior Castle" certainly has some triggers for those who carry traumas from an oppressive Christian environment... It's up to you to read it. But what caught my attention in this book was the idea of ​​a much more feminine approach to spirituality. And how Piscean that is.

She compares the soul to a castle, which must be entered through prayer to seek union with God. Her descriptions of the soul sound like words from her oceanic Venus in Pisces:

"Now let us turn at last to our castle with its many mansions. You must not think of a suite of rooms placed in succession, but fix your eyes on the keep, the court inhabited by the King. Like the kernel of the palmito, from which several rinds must be removed before coming to the eatable part, this principal chamber is surrounded by many others. However large, magnificent, and spacious you imagine this castle to be, you cannot exaggerate it; the capacity of the soul is beyond all our understanding, and the Sun within this palace enlightens every part of it. A soul which gives itself to prayer, either much or little, should on no account be kept within narrow bounds. Since God has given it such great dignity, permit it to wander at will through the rooms of the castle, from the lowest to the highest. Let it not force itself to remain for very long in the same mansion, even that of self-knowledge."

But anyway, the truth is, maybe I won't even finish this book, just like I don't even want to finish writing this post. Pisces doesn't put the dots on the i's, it actually writes with no commas, and right now full of its water, I feel very much not under mercurial obligations.

[jesbelle-writes]

The Gift

After his failed attempt to reach kohlinar,  Spock found that the rhythms of life aboard the Enterprise were somehow different.  He had reached a hard-won détente between his Human emotions and his Vulcan logic, and it cast a new light on even the most familiar of rituals – such as the one now playing out in Kirk’s quarters.

“So Bones – your birthday’s coming up...”  Kirk opened this conversation just as he had every year about this time.

“I don’t want a big fuss,” said McCoy, with the same frown as usual.

“How about a little fuss then?” asked Kirk, the customary amused smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

“I suppose I could tolerate it, if I had to,” came the reply.

And so some small celebration would be agreed upon.  A place and time would be chosen for a quiet round of drinks; Scotty, Chapel, Uhura, Sulu, and (now that was no longer “the kid”) Chekov would be invited; and they’d all spend a quiet evening getting mildly inebriated and swapping reminiscences.  Spock would attend, of course.  McCoy was his friend, after all.

But this year, Spock couldn’t shake the feeling that something special was in order – something to acknowlege the shift he sensed in his relationship with McCoy.  He couldn’t really name the nature of that shift – it was different somehow to the way his other relationships had changed – but he felt a need to take some kind of action nonetheless.

He wanted to give McCoy a birthday present.

His mother had explained gift-giving to him when he was a child.  She had provided him with an exhaustive lesson on the rituals and obligations involved, including a list of the types of gifts that would be considered appropriate to each occasion.

“But sometimes,” she said, “a person wants to give a gift from the heart – something that shows how much regard they have for another person. The best gifts on these occasions are something the recipient can experience.  A happy memory is worth a thousand objects.”

Spock understood that these “little fusses” that Jim put together were exactly that – another in a collection of happy memories for McCoy.  Spock wanted to give McCoy something like that.

The bulk of his meditation time was dedicated to solving the puzzle of how to do that.

He considered the activities that McCoy engaged in during his rare breaks from work. He spent the bulk of his time simply “hanging out” with Spock or Jim or Christine.  He enjoyed reading a genre of books he called “dimestore trash” that Spock had no idea how to even begin to obtain.  And he enjoyed music.

Music seemed promising.  McCoy’s tastes were eclectic, but Spock had a good ear and he was reasonably certain that he could find something that would please McCoy.

It was in this frame of mind that he noticed the humming.

There was a little snippet of a tune that McCoy hummed when he was trying to unravel any particularly thorny problem.  Spock had heard it hundreds of times when sharing laboratory space with McCoy.  It had long ago been relegated to the background noises of the lab.

It was a pretty tune, and obviously a favorite.  He asked Dr. Chapel about it that afternoon.

“You mean the one that goes hum de dum dum dum hum de dum dum dum?”  She mangled it completely, but it was still recognizable as the same tune, if only barely.

“Yes,” said Spock.  “Do you know the title of the piece?”

“Sorry, no.  I asked him about it once.  He got really self-conscious and said it was just something his mother used to sing.  Then I didn’t hear it for about a month.”

Jim was no help.  “I don’t spend much time in the lab,” he pointed out.  “And his mom was some kind of music historian, so she probably knew a lot of obscure songs.”

Spock made a recording of himself playing the tune on his lyre and fed it into the ship’s computer, but it matched nothing in the database.  Finally, he sent the recording to the library at Memory Alpha and waited.

The answer came almost fourteen hours later – a song from the mid-twentieth century, lost for nearly 200 years before it was discovered in an archive on the North American continent at a place called Muscle Shoals.

The tune was sweet, and the song was short.  But the lyrics...

If Spock had searched for years, he couldn’t have found a song more suitable. He decided that the piece should be performed live.

“It’s beautiful, Spock.  Where did you find it?” asked Uhura.  “It’s just so… Dr. McCoy, isn’t it?”

“I believe it is a favorite of his,” said Spock.  “I would like to play it at his birthday.  I was hoping that you would agree to sing it.”

“I’d love to, but I think you should do it.  It would fit your range.”

“My musical range, perhaps.  It is a very emotional piece,” said Spock.

They practiced the song every night.

McCoy’s birthday was in the forward observation lounge.  It was busy tonight, and when Spock picked up his lyre and Uhura stood next to him a hush fell over the crowd.  

“If I needed you Would you come to me, Would you come to me, And ease my pain?” sang Uhura.

“If you needed me, I would come to you, I’d swim the seas For to ease your pain.”

“In the night forlorn The morning’s born And the morning shines With the lights of love.”

Spock spared a glance toward McCoy, but Jim was seated between them, blocking his line of sight.

“You will miss sunrise If you close your eyes And that would break My heart in two.”

Spock tried twice more to catch a glimpse of McCoy to no avail.  It wasn’t until the final chorus that he saw him.  

McCoy looked stunned, overcome, but with what emotion, Spock couldn’t tell. There were, however, most definitely tears in his eyes.

The song ended to enthusiastic applause and several people came to pay their compliments – mostly to Uhura.  McCoy was among them.  He took Uhura’s hand in his and said, “Thank you so much, Nyota.  That was lovely.”  He nodded toward Spock.  “You played that… very well – as usual, Spock.”  He raised his glass toward the others. “I want to thank y’all for coming tonight.  I know the night’s still young, but I’m not so much, and I’ve just had a week and a half of long shifts.  So if y’all’ll excuse me, I’m going to head on out and get some shut-eye before I have to deal with the next torn rotator cuff or targ bite or what-have-you.”

There followed the usual well-wishing and congratulations as McCoy left.  Spock, feeling unsettled and having no desire to feel unsettled in public, picked up his lyre and retired to his own quarters…

… where he was surprised to find Dr. McCoy leaning against his desk.

“I used my medical code,” said McCoy.  “I hope you don’t mind.  I promise I’m not planning to make a habit of it.”

Spock nodded. “I apolo--”

“I’m sor--” McCoy shook his head.  “You got nothing to be sorry for.  Just… let me say my piece and I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks.”  McCoy took a deep breath.  “I… what you did tonight, Spock – that was the nicest, most thoughtful gift I’ve ever gotten.  I couldn’t say this with a bunch of people around, but I need you to know what it meant to me.

“My mama used to sing me that song when I’d have bad dreams.  She’d come sit on my bed and… stroke my hair… and sing that song.  And it worked every time.

“She sang a lot of songs.  She had a beautiful voice and she played guitar.  She made a lot of recordings of those songs, and after she died, I’d play them all and pretend she was still there – just in the other room, singing.  Well, I was just kid...  

“Anyway she never got around to recording that one.  So I’d sing it to myself when the bad dreams woke me up.  I forgot most of the lyrics.  I forgot what it sounded like when she sang it.  I forgot what her fingers felt like in my hair.  But it always made me feel better.

“I guess I got used to singing it.  It was the tune I’d whistle in the dark, and it became the thing I turned to whenever the going got even a little rough.

“That’s what you gave me tonight.  You gave me back her song.  I don’t have words for that.”  McCoy swiped at the tear that had fallen onto his cheek.  “If you weren’t a Vulcan I’d hug you.”

Spock didn’t know what to say.  He was experiencing a rush of emotions too powerful and too complex for him to even name, let alone express, not that he wished to express them.  He didn’t even want to experience them.

Did he?

“And on that note,” said McCoy, standing up,  “I’ll just see myself out.”

“Leonard.”

McCoy had nearly reached the door when Spock put out his hand to stop him.  He took him by the wrist, his fingers curling around the warm, soft skin above McCoy’s pulse.

The sensation cut through some of the turmoil in Spock’s mind.  This was… good?  It was… fitting.

It was right because Spock had wanted to touch McCoy, hadn’t he?  He’d wanted to give a gift that would touch McCoy’s heart.

And now he was touching his skin and that was also what he’d wanted, wasn’t it?

He pulled McCoy closer, put his arms around him, held him.  And holding was also what he’d wanted.

And then McCoy’s arms wrapped around his waist…

...and there.  This is what it is to fit, thought Spock.  This is what it is to be exactly where he belonged.

McCoy drew back a little, enough to look Spock in the eye.  “You sure?”

Spock nodded.  “I am now.”

And then he kissed him.

Just a little note -- the song is “If I Needed You” by Townes Van Zandt.  I’ve used it in fics before because it gives me serious Bones vibes.  I actually had this scene in mind for one of those fics, but ended up using something else, so now you get it here.

[duraxxor]

Character Sheet: That Damn Trio

Uh oh, it would seem Duraxxor has gotten himself in a lot of trouble this time around! He’s been split into three pieces of his former self! Oh the humanity! Well there’s only one thing to do. What’s that? Well, we go on a wild adventure to put him back together, of course! That’s why I have decided to create character sheet to explain and every one of the fragments and their traits. So without further interruptions, let’s get down to the material! 

Character No. 1

Name: Daev  ( Pronounced just like Dave ) 

Race: Sin’dorei?

Height: 5′ 8″ ( down from the 6′ 4″ that he once stood at. )

Hair Color: Silver Blonde

Eye Color: None, his eyes are as clear as glass

Age:  “ I was only born not that long ago... I jest though... “ 

Physical Traits: When a person comes in contact with Daev, the first thing they may notice as his youthful appearance. Unlike Duraxxor as a whole, Daev has the physical body of a young adult that has suffered from lack of muscle. Despite this, he seems able to stand straight and maintain himself but is unable to physically apply the strength and running speed he once had. The scar that once dominated his features is now shrunken down and appears to have lining that almost reminds some of a stitching, so to speak. Perhaps even mending? The same can be said about the majority of his black attire that decorates his body other than the sleeve that appears to have torn on the right side. A thin trench coat and a pair of black leather britches that are only matched by a pair of boots below. One can also notice the pair of snake bites piercing on his lower lip that seem to have appeared as he no longer bears even a semblance of the elven fangs gene. 

Personality: Quiet and probably the most balanced of his former self. Daev seems to be given the nickname of being the Heart of the Trio. And with good reason considering he is probably the very being that keeps the other two in existence. He is never to quickly jump to violence and seeks to see how people function and feel. Selfless thought and under normal circumstances, kind to those that share a mutual respect for him and his space. Although he is the most attuned to multiple emotions, he has a hard time properly expressing them and it may even come out in a series of riddles. However, he does seem to have something to say for every type of person. 

Abilities: Lack of physical strength, Daev has to rely on his mind and quick thinking if he hopes to manage avoiding being killed off with the help of his familiars. It isn’t known whether he retains much of his weaponry training, other than having a dagger tucked away under his coat that appears to have a significance, or perhaps even symbolic value. Despite his familiars having their own personalities, he seems able to maintain control of them in certain moments and can even call them or dismiss them at will. Daev’s greatest ability is that he has so much untapped potential that is it unpredicted what he may learn in his stay within the Shadowlands. 

Character No. 2 

Name: Randdu ( Ron-doo ) 

Race: Familiar ( Bat ) 

Height: Unspecified, look to his Abilities for details

Hair Color: White

Eye Color: A mixture of Red and Yellow

Age: “ Look, man, give me a break. I only look old. “ 

Physical Traits: You feel a piercing gaze always watching you when you approach Daev with his avian shadow, Randdu. He takes on the appearance of most bats native to Azeroth aside from some defined features that make him appear more like a Fruit Bat from our world, bearing a canine-like snout beneath the leathery wraps that are his lengthy wings. Jagged claws appear to be on both the back legs and wing joints, giving him almost the look a humanoid if not for the fact he lacks thumbs. He is the definition of wild animal with personality. 

Personality: The reckless familiar that is highly regarded ( and prideful of himself ) as the symbol of Duraxxor. Randdu is also the loudest and most immature of the trio. He would rather pick a fight and see who is the strongest than listen to negotiations. He also possesses quite the appetite match this need for combat. However, this doesn’t mean he isn’t self aware when he is in over his head, being the quickest to also panic when he feels outmatched, that is until something goes right, then he will simply mock his foe. Warning: He may curse a lot. 

Abilities: Despite his reckless personality, Randdu is actually quite the powerhouse. He is physically strong and can easily pick up something that is three times his own size, which is only matched by the fact that he is able to grow and shrink his form based on the energy reserves he has obtained through his vampiric aura. The more he fights and succeeds, the stronger Randdu gets. Claws, teeth, and even a mind piercing screech are at his disposal. However, the magical affinity seems to lie more so in the fact he is able to cast a blaze of shadows about his form, giving him enough speed to perform a Wraith Flight, an ability that projects his vampiric aura outward and making mere contact results in the sapping of one’s raw energies. 

Character No. 3 

Name: Sphula ( Sph-ooluh ) 

Race: Familiar ( Serpent ) 

Height: 15′ 07″ in length 

Hair Color: “ Crimson Scales, you uneducated pig. “ 

Eye Color: Onyx 

Age: “ To old for you to know. “ 

Physical Traits: While Randdu is regarded to be the visible lurker, Sphula sticks to remaining hidden into his time is most appropriate. The lengthy serpent bears a strange familiarity to the Arcane Serpents of Northrend, but with many more rows of teeth and definitive fangs. He also lacks the ethereal skin until certain abilities are applied. Scales, bladed fings, and circular markings that are akin to chains, this crimson familiar seems to be the most colorful of the trio. 

Personality: Calm until provoked, Sphula recognizes his own intellect and will exercise it when it is most necessary. More often than naught, he is seen wrapped around Daev, whispering into his ear while chastising Randdu. For once to gain conference with Sphula would mean that you either have earned his respect or there is something of worth about you or upon you that he would sooner have you align yourself to their cause. Unlike the other trio, Sphula is not above breaking the rules in his favor. For he believes logic is more important in the case of survivability in the cruel world of a snake. There is one he deems the most worthy of his time: The Lady in the Red @sanguinesorceress​ . 

Abilities:  Not as physically strong as Randdu, Sphula is also a constrictor and has no issue wrapping his long tail around his foes or even applying it in a flailing motion to dispatch someone from approaching Daev. And speaking of which, did you know that snakes can actually jump three times their length? Not just this one, but he can also slip his entire length through objects much like a pocket space just to come out in a near forty yard radius. Sphula is also the strongest when it comes to the use of magic and intellect. He is able to conjure geomancy, hemomancy, umbramancy, and in some cases, cryomancy and pyromancy. But what would a snake be without his bite? Twin fangs possess a potent cytotoxin, which is a toxin that induces tissue necrosis. Keep your hands away from this snakes mouth!

OOC Information Station 

Rp Style:  When interacting with this blog or even the in-game character, I cannot always guarantee that you will interact with all three of them, just as I also cannot guarantee that one of the other’s won’t squeeze themselves into the RP. Otherwise, I am generally laid back and always up to most themes, including the dark and twisted. I am an adult writer and in most cases, I am not so easily triggered and easy to speak with. Please, don’t hesitate to ask questions as I may have an actual answer for them. I also would like to remind everyone that I have been roleplaying in World of Warcraft for nearly ten years. All I ever ask is your undying patience and kindness in return. 

Platforms: Tumblr, Discord, and In-game (Planned) 

If you have made it this far, congratulations. Now to get to the nitty, gritty disclaimer warnings and rules.

1. Roleplaying with The Trio means you have agreed to not knowing the original character Duraxxor is the true identity of these characters without the proper knowledge or permission. Should you regard him as Duraxxor, Alphus, Lord Daevara, Myotis, or any other former alias, it will be ignored in-character. Should this become a continuing habit, I will ask you personally to please stop trying to ruin the mystery of the characters. Let’s make this a fun plot for all, old and new. 

2. If you are seeking to fix the problem as quick as possible, then you have come to the wrong player. I am wanting this particular plot device to go longer than a few weeks or even months as the Shadowlands is going to obviously take longer than a single year itself. There’s going to be hurdles to make evolve these characters over time. You are welcome to speak about being a part of the plot where he attempts to fix himself though!

3. When addressing particular character questions, please specify who you are addressing to unless it is all the above or the mun. This makes my life so much easier and more engaging. 

4. Do not god mod my characters as I would not god mod yours. All of them have their own individual strengths and weaknesses and should be considered only through natural interaction. 

5. More importantly, be respectful and patient. This is a brand new concept I am playing with and I really wish to see it through to the very end and want those involved to have fun. 

Thank you all for taking the time to read this and I do hope that everything is clear! I look forward to roleplaying with everyone and enjoying the Shadowlands storyline! Happy Writing everyone! 

And if you have not read Chapter 1 to the Shadowlands storyline, here is a link to the story is here

[shirokh]

THE POET OF THE COURT

“Alas my love you do me wrong

To cast me off discourteously;

And I have loved you oh so long

Delighting in your company.”

So was one of the more popular songs Damien, the sheikah poet used to sing for the court of Hyrule. Since he was a child, he always thought the queen was beautiful, and one of his goals was to sing in front of them just as he was now doing, and he did so since his father allowed him to acompany them at the age of twelve. The princess was a few years younger than him, but he always managed to find a nice lyric, story or poem to delight her with during special meals.

Even when he had to find some appropriate melody to her mother’s funeral, the sympathy he felt for the princess became more intense, as he felt the need to protect her from any harm, watching her child stoic self, and not allowing herself to cry in front of others. Was it perhaps his Sheikah blood, such as her guardian Impa, that he felt... whatever he was feeling...

Or maybe the songs he sang about romance were there for a reason, and from then on, every time he composed and sang, the princess came to his mind.

-“That must be what love is about... an impossible love... such inspiring” He told himself the moment he realised he just kept thinking a big percentage of the day on princess (goddess) Zelda, his muse. He didn’t eat, he didn’t sleep until he recognised on his heart that the love the songs described was little, compared to what he felt for his unreachable lady.

Or so he believed.

-“Damien! Could you keep playing that lullaby?” The princess asked him, it was already late and, as usual she kept working on her lab. Impa was half asleep sitting in a chair, and the princess was dissecting a peculiar full guardian arm.

-“You’r request is my pleasure as always, your highness” He said as he played a guitar version of Zelda’s lullaby. He loved when she called his name, it was like tasting honey.

-“You know that you are not obligued to keep working this late, right?” Impa told him, they knew each other since childhood, they were neighbours in Kakariko village, and their families also had a long friendship. Despite Impa’s parents and grandparents dedicated themselves to train in the arts of fighting as successors and guardians to the royal family, and all of Damien’s family were dedicated to music and served the royal family also.

-“It’s an honor to contribute to the princess investigations” he said as he began to play a different song, secretly this song was composed to express his feelings to the princess, it was a waltz he thought it would be better played with an accordion, but the violin gave it a soft and nice tone itself.

-“Such nice melody! I like when you play the violin also” The princes said, her hands were stained with oil from the guardian and half her face too. -“It always helps to have music, I think I can concentrate better”

-“Princess Zelda, It’s past midnight, we should get you to have a bath and prepare for tomorrow” Impa pleadingly asked, as she was tired herself.

-“I... Why can’t you come with me?! Instead of that perfect knight or whatever?!” Zelda left a heavy piece on the table, making a loud noise, Damien perceived her annoyance.

-“Princess... we already discussed it... it was a direct order from the King”

-“Impa! Or you could come along! I don’t think I need a knight to follow me around, it’s such a nonsense”

-“If I could be of any help, princess, I’d gladly contribute”

-“Thanks Damien, it’s just that I must part to the four regions to investigate the divine beasts, and my father insisted on me going with a knight he selected, instead of just me going alone...or with Impa” she said looking at her reproachingly.

“Mo! Princess! I told you already, all of us Sheikas are required to help with thecnology investigation, it could be an important part to defeat calamity... besides the sacred sword selected him”

-“Divine beasts are more important ! But my father is... worried that I can’t wake my power in time ..., so I must hurry, if I want to be able to pray to the goddess and have the Goron,Orni, Zora and Gerudo help with the beasts at the same time...”

-“I could come along if you allow me to, besides I haven’t been required in court for a while” Damien shyly suggested.

-“Could you do that?!” Zelda took his hands firmly, surprised the young Sheika blushed entirely, retreating himself from her.

-“I’m sorry... it’s just...” the princess began to apologise, it was a rush, but she liked the idea of going with a friendly face.

-“Please don’t apologise your highness, of course I’d love you... I’d love to go along with you...” he said stuttering a bit. Impa gave him a suspicious glance.

-“I’m watching you Damien, don’t try anything funny!” Impa said pointing at him with the guardian’s leg, and the three of them began laughing.

His hands were now also stained with oil. If he could, he wanted to keep them unwashed forever.

The knight was already waiting in the hall. He wasn’t a very tall man, even Damien was taller. He couldn’t help but compare himself to the boy, he seemed to be like his age, yet he had imagined a big and musculous guy, but instead there was this young man with an innocent and serious face, if he could say so.

Not that Damien considered himself ugly, even some girls had flirted with him, not because of his manly appearance, but because he took good care of his fragile self. Being a court musician didn’t involve much physical activity, yet he was trained in the proper way of the sigilous Sheikah. Demian had just packed some sheikah snaks, and of course his violin as well, it was better for travelling, the guitar would be heavy to carry.

The princess went down the stairs, and without even looking at Link, she went out her way, greeting Damien. Link bowed politely, getting on one knee.

“-Are you ready, master of music?”

-“On this tempestuous day,

Let me, beautiful princess

Show you all the way”

-“How is it you always have a verse?” She smiled and kept on going to the exit of the castle.

LINK’S POINT OF VIEW

He arrived early this morning. Rumour was that he was soon to be named the appointed knight for the princess officially. Yet now, the king entrusted him with the safety of his daughter travelling to the Rito Village. He used to be relaxed, but since that event where he obtained the master sword, he felt every one was watching him, so he was restless... “Was he good enough to carry the sword that repels the darkness?” Since childhood legends told that the hero would rise against evil, he used to love that stories, now he felt anxious about them, as he never imagined he would actually get to BE the hero himself.

A sheikah arrived and seemed to be waiting for something or someone. It was odd he carried a violin and Link felt observed. He nodded as a greeting.

The princess came downstairs. She was as beautiful as he remembered, and she had quite developed womanly features, Link scolded himself because of this thought, after all she was to become his Queen someday, so he owned every respect he could muster. Quickly he got in one knee and greeted her silently. After he stood up, he saw the princess happily greet the man with the violin, and how he took her hands and told her some words that made her smile.

“Why was he so close to the princess?” That though left his envious side arise, yet he had being training on not letting his emotions show anymore, after all, he had to be seen as a true hero chosen by the sword.

End of LINK’s POV

They began walking, followed by the knight and three more knights her father assigned to scort her. Damien thought that the sweet princess had also a different and more dark side, as she ignored and diminished the presence of the appointed knight, it was more than evident that she didn’t enjoy or even wanted his presence around her. Damien wanted to know every side of her, even the wrong sides.

The fact that the knight hadn’t said a single word about it was more entangling.

It was almost noon, they went on horse all the way, and only stopped to feed the horses and have a snack themselves. Zelda mainly spoke with Damien, as he also improvised some verses for her, and the other knights were entertained during meal by him. Link stood behind, always vigilant of the surrounding.

They went back on the horses, and when they got to Carock bridge Zelda looked at the map again.

-“So, I think that the way to Tabanta is this way to the north.”

Damien wasn’t sure, he barely traveled back and forth from Kakariko village, he had seen once or twice an orni merchant, but he was confident that the princess had the map with her.

-“It’s not”

A voice sounded from behind. Link had spoken. He had a soft and somehow masculine voice.

-“Speak, Link? Was it your name?”

-“The shortest way to Rito village is to the left. Unless you want to go trough the tundra, that would take us...”

-“We’ll take north” she interrupted him, not wanting to hear more of the chosen knight. And her horse obeyed the command to go north. Time after she would regret this decision.

-“... one more day...” he finished his sentence with a whisper. The other knights looked at him.

-“Well, if we are with you Link, I bet no monster would scare the sh** out of me”

The other knight scolded him for swearing, after all the princess may have heard them.

THIS WAS MEANT FOR A ONE SHOT, but the story kept on going 😬. Hope you enjoy it, Zelink story to the bones, and some jealousy involving the poet of the court (Main witness of Zelink) THANKS to Greenie for the name of the poet 💖

[tawakkull]

ISLAM 101: Spirituality in Islam: Part 135

Khawf and Khashya (Fear and Reverence)

In Sufism, fear denotes abstaining not only from all that is forbidden, but also from those deeds from which it is advisable to refrain. It also signifies, as the opposite of hope or expectation, that a traveler on the path to Truth does not feel secure against deviation and thereby incurring Divine punishment in the Hereafter. As a result, the traveler refrains from conceit and self-praise.

According to Al-Qushayri, fear forces a traveler on the spiritual path to hold back and refrain from displeasing God. As such, it pertains to the future. Fear arises from one’s apprehension of being subjected to something displeasing, or uneasiness over not obtaining what is desired. In that sense also, fear pertains to the future. In many verses, the Qur’an points out the future results of one’s deeds and actions, and thereby seeks to establish a world embracing the future, one in which it is possible to discern the future with both its good and bad elements.

Implanting fear concerning their end or whether they will die as believing Muslims in the hearts of its followers, the Qur’an warns them to be steadfast in their belief and practice of Islam. Many verses cause hearts to tremble with fear, and are like threads with which to knit the lace of life. For example: Something will appear before them which they had never anticipated (39:47); and Say: Shall We tell you who will be the greatest losers by their works? Those whose efforts have been wasted in the life of the world while they thought they were doing good (18:103-4). How happy and prosperous are those who knit the laces of their lives with these threads! With such warnings, the Qur’an orients us toward the Hereafter and encourages us to consider it more important than anything else.

In His luminous Speech, God Almighty uses fear as a whip to force us to His Presence and honor us with His company. Like a mother’s reproofs to her child that draws him or her to her warm, affectionate arms, this whip attracts the believer toward the depths of Divine Mercy and enriches him or her with God’s blessings and bounties that He compels humanity to deserve and receive out of His Mercy and Graciousness. For this reason, every decree and command mentioned in the Qur’an and forced upon humanity originates in Divine Mercy and uplifts souls, in addition to its being alarming and threatening.

One whose heart is full of fear and awe for the Almighty cannot be afraid of others, and is therefore freed from all useless and suffocating fear. In His luminous, hope-giving Speech, the Almighty tells people not to fear anything or anyone other than Him: Have no fear of them. Fear Me, if you are true believers (3:175); exhorts them not to suffer groundless phobias: Fear Me alone (2:40) and: They fear their Lord, overseeing them from high, and they do all that they are commanded (16:50); and praises those hearts that fear and hold only Him in awe: They forsake their beds to cry unto their Lord in fear and hope (32:16).

He praises them because those who design their lives according to their fear of God use their willpower carefully and strive to avoid sins. Such sensitive and careful souls fly in the heavens of God’s approval and pleasure. The following is an appropriate saying by the author of Lujja:

If you are fearful of God’s wrath, be steadfast in religion, For a tree holds fast to earth with its roots against violent storms.

The lowest degree of fear is that required by belief: Fear Me, if you are (true) believers (3:175). A somewhat higher degree of fear is that arising from knowledge or learning: Among His servants the learned alone fear God truly (35:28). The highest degree of fear is that combined with awe and arising from one’s knowledge of God: God orders you to fear Him in awe (3:28).

Some Sufis divide fear into two categories: awe and reverence. Although very close in meaning, awe connotes the feeling that leads an initiate to flee toward God, while reverence causes an initiate to take refuge in Him. An initiate who continuously feels awe thinks of fleeing, while one seeking shelter strives to take refuge in Him. Those choosing to flee make progress on the path difficult for themselves, for they live an ascetic life and suffer the pains of separation from the Almighty. However, those holding Him in reverence drink the sweet, enlivening water of nearness, which comes from taking refuge in Him.

Perfect reverence was a characteristic of all Prophets. When in this state, the Prophets nearly fell down dead, as if they had heard the Trumpet of Israfil and were brought before the full Majesty and Grandeur of the Truth. They were always conscious of the meaning of: When His Lord revealed (His) glory to the mountain He sent it crashing down, and Moses fell down in a swoon (7:143). Among those brought near to God, the one nearest to Him and the master of reverence, upon him be peace and blessings, said: I see what you do not see and hear what you do not hear. If only you knew that the heavens creaked and groaned. In fact, they had to do so, for there is no space of even four fingers’ breadth in the heavens where angels do not prostrate themselves. I swear by God that if you knew what I know (with respect to God’s Grandeur), you would laugh little but weep much. You would avoid lying with your wives and cry out prayers unto God in fields and mountains.

Here, the Prophet reveals his reverence that leads him to take refuge in God, and describes the awe of others that causes them to flee. Abu Dharr expresses this attitude of fleeing in his addition to this Prophetic Tradition: I wish I had been a tree pulled out by the roots and cut into pieces.

One whose soul is full of reverence and awe of God does not commit sins, even if he does not seem to feel fear. Suhayb was one of those overcome with awe of God. God’s Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, praised him, saying: What an excellent servant Suhayb is! Even if he did not fear God, he would not commit sins.

One who fears God sometimes sighs and sometimes weeps, especially when alone, in an attempt to extinguish the pain of being separate from Him as well as the fire of Hell, which is the greatest distance between him and God. As stated in the Tradition: A man who weeps for fear of God will not enter Hell until the milk drawn (from a mammal) is put back into the breasts (from which it was drawn), shedding tears is the most effective way of putting out the fires of Hell. A believer sometimes confuses what he or she has done with what he or she has not done and, fearing that the action has arisen from his or her fancy or carnal self due to a personal failure to resist temptation, feels great regret and seeks refuge in God. The description of such souls is found in the following Tradition:

When the verse: Those who give what they give while their hearts are in awe, because they are to return to their Lord (23:60) was revealed, ‘A’isha, the Prophet’s wife, asked the Prophet, upon him be peace and blessings: Are those (who are in awe because they are to return to their Lord) those who commit such major sins as fornication, theft, and drinking alcohol? The Prophet, the Glory of Mankind, answered: No, ‘A’isha. Those mentioned in the verse are those who, although they perform the prescribed prayers, fast, and give alms, tremble with fear that such acts of worship may not be accepted by God.

Abu Sulayman Darani says that although a servant must always be fearful (that God may not be pleased and therefore punish him or her) and hopeful (that God may be pleased), it is safer for one’s heart to beat with fear and reverence. Sharing the view of Darani, Shaykh Ghalib expresses his feelings of fear: Open the eyes of my soul with a thousand-fold fear!

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, so reposted version of my take on how Titans treat Dick vs how the Batfam treats Dick, which can become a very easy ‘trap’ to fall into per se, off of my posts as much as anyone’s, given how critical I am of the Batfam in specific....but the danger there, IMO, is that relativity is never quite the solution it often appears to be, when we’re just looking for ‘better than what exists elsewhere’ but from the perspective of the END results, rather than the root of the issue causing things to...exist badly anywhere.

For instance, I’m fully in agreement with others that in terms of FREQUENCY this happens far less with the Titans than it does with the Batfam, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t still issues with how the Titans have been written interacting with Dick at his lowest. And this is why I think its always, always, always a self-defeating trap just even IN GENERAL, to fall into comparison/contrast paradigms when analyzing things like problematic behavior patterns: it ultimately does no good to examine whether or not another group is ‘better’ or ‘more frequently’ better at interacting with Dick in ways that aren’t as detrimental to him….not if they still DO have times where they interact with Dick in ways that are very much detrimental to him.

The real question, imo, is simply: what’s at the root of how and why characters interact with him in ways that are to his detriment? Because nothing ultimately gets addressed or dealt with when its simply made an issue of contention between two parties who AREN’T Dick themselves…..it simply creates an arbitrary ‘bar’ wherein anything ‘above’ this bar is okay because at least its not as bad as the behavior that fails to reach the bar elsewhere.

One specific word got me thinking along these lines in general, not even anything to do with any actual stated point, but rather purely just a circumstantial thing, as it jumpstarted a chain reaction of thoughts purely from the presence of that word choice. And that word was ‘coddling’ - again, if for no other reason than the fact I think it makes for a good segue to something we have a problem with as a society in general. I think a ton of us have a reluctance to give up on the idea that tough love is the be-all and end-all its so often deemed to be….because there’s this fixation on it that’s been kinda battered into most of us, largely just as a direct result of a kind of societal belief we have that anything LESS than tough love can often be construed as ‘coddling,’ ie indulgent. Enabling weakness. Validating someone’s self-expression that they DESERVE love and care rather than forceful ‘get over it’s’ with, well…..dismissal of that.

In Dick’s case in particular, I want to point out how insidiously this can end up pairing with the extremely pervasive takes we have throughout fandom, that Dick is exceptionally stubborn and prideful - where his insistence on independence and self-determination are so often turned into a flaw and a manifestation of ego rather than something he’s actually justified in leaning so heavily into.

Because this I believe is at the heart of the relative lack of sympathy fandom displays for Dick’s position even in the takes where he WAS originally fired from Robin, rather than quitting and leaving on his own. And here I want to bring things back to where I initially said it can be so dangerous to make analysis of problems with emotional interactions a matter of relativity, of ranking, rather than just examining the problem purely from an analytical focus on Dick himself, and what he NEEDS versus what he so often GETS.

Because our tendency in life and society to make things a matter of relativity, usually because that’s FUNCTIONALLY an ‘easier’ (or at least quicker) way to address issues….I think that’s the same thing that results in how many people view Dick as being just as much at fault for the estrangement between himself and Bruce in his early Nightwing years, if not more.

See, it goes like this:

Break the problem down into its bare components there:

Bruce and Dick are at odds and estranged due to Dick no longer being Robin.

Now, let’s go purely with a take where its 100% Bruce’s fault….let’s just say there’s no nuance here whatsoever - not actually in the interests of demonizing Bruce, lol, but purely in the name of spotlighting what a problem the thing I’m talking about here is.

Okay, so take one of the takes where Bruce fired Dick from a role and mantle Dick himself created from personal reasons largely unconnected from/uninspired by Bruce, that Bruce himself had ZERO rights over. And where then this was compounded by Bruce refusing to demonstrate any emotional vulnerability by asking Dick to stay or remain in his life despite what he’d done. As well as the injury he’d caused by doing something he had no right to and by overstepping ironically by doing the very same thing people usually offer up as his reason for NOT forging more definitive personal bonds between himself and Dick….inserting himself between Dick and his memorial tribute to his first family, and appropriating control of the Robin mantle as though it’d become something he had more rights to by mere virtue of Robin being Batman’s partner. And then add to that the insult added to injury by offering his new son Jason BOTH the one thing he’d never offered Dick - adoption - AND the one thing he’d TAKEN from Dick - Robin. All without ever a word of apology or a single attempt made to be the one reaching out to try and bridge the chasm HE’D created by his own actions and no one else’s.

Pretty definitively Bruce’s fault, right? There’s no way, shape or form any of that is actually Dick’s fault, those are all entirely Bruce’s actions and Bruce’s actions alone.

So we go back to the broken down problem:

Bruce and Dick are at odds and estranged due to Dick no longer being Robin.

And now we want to create a solution to that problem. How do you fix or even come close to fixing that? Well, the only possible way to fix a problem is by addressing the root of the problem….which in this case, is unilaterally, Bruce’s choices and decisions, and his lack of apology or accountability.

But here’s where most people swerve. For various reasons, whether its personal character preference or bias, or just an inability to imagine a scenario wherein Bruce DOES step up to fix things by MAKING an apology or ACCEPTING accountability, perhaps due to seeing that as unrealistic or hard to script in character, due to BRUCE’S innate pride and stubbornness….

For one reason or another, people shy away from ACTUALLY defaulting to this view of things in order to fix what Bruce broke, EVEN IN takes where Bruce definitively and 100% was the party responsible for breaking trust.

And instead, they become preoccupied with a DIFFERENT problem:

Bruce is unlikely or hard to imagine making that apology or accepting that blame….

Making that an ‘impossible’ fix to a problem that still needs fixing….Bruce and Dick at odds and estranged.

So suddenly, by sheer virtue of there only being two parties involved here, and one of them considered ‘useless’ in terms of ACTUALLY fixing that problem….attention gets shifted to Dick.

And now, because similarly the attention is also just on ‘how do we fix this’ and not ‘why does this need fixing’….Dick is offered up as a sacrificial solution. If he just ACCEPTS that he’s never going to get the apology and acknowledgment of accountability from Bruce that he deserves…..then voila, we still have a fix to the problem. So long as he just ‘gets over that’ or any need for that, and ends the estrangement regardless of never getting that….the problem still gets ‘fixed.’

And thus, with just a few mental moves, one problem has been entirely swapped out for another one, that’s literally only been CREATED because people refused to address the actual root of the problem.

Now, the new problem is that Dick is too stubborn, too prideful to just get over this and end the estrangement himself….because people prioritized the SOLUTION over the PROBLEM, and then decided that between the two, Bruce and Dick, Bruce is the LESS likely to ever be of use in acquiring some kind of solution or addressing the actual problem…..meaning that now, the onus for obtaining that desired solution falls upon the RELATIVELY MORE likely avenue for obtaining it….Dick just caving and accepting he’s never going to get this apology. And which in turn means that as long as Dick DOESN’T do this, or the longer it took Dick to do this…..the more the newly shifted blame lands on his shoulders and his alone….

Even though he never did anything wrong and his want/need there was always valid.

In essence, people have created a problem entirely from scratch, in order to explain the existence of an actual problem….that they refused to lay at the feet of the actual source of it…..wholly because they deemed that useless in ever ‘realistically’ obtaining a solution to that problem.

People put the burden of fixing a problem not on the source of it, but on the person they deemed more capable of fixing things…..and then blamed him for simply not wanting to do that because it was never his place or job or responsibility….to fix what he was himself the victim of.

And all of that comes about solely from prioritizing obtaining a solution over acknowledging a problem, and falling back on arbitrary parameters of relativity to obtain said solution.

So now bringing this back to the Titans AND the Batfam AND pretty much most other characters to revolve in and out of Dick’s life and storylines…..we often end up presented with characters written enacting the ‘solution’ of ‘tough love’ to a problem that….never really existed in the first place. Because so often the tough love gets trotted out in direct response to addressing ‘how stubborn/prideful/prone to digging his heels in’ Dick is, because there’s a tendency with people to approach the issues of problems Dick’s having….as though Dick himself is the problem. As if only he weren’t just so…him, so insistent on BEING ‘him’….the problem wouldn’t exist in the first place. Ergo, its his stubbornness that NEEDS addressing. That demands he not be coddled.

But the second we stop looking at Dick and what HE’S doing as the problem that needs fixing - ie being stubborn about something…..and we look at this behavior as his ATTEMPT at a SOLUTION to the actual problem HE’S facing…..someone or something trying to do something that Dick doesn’t want to go along with or doesn’t want them to do…..we shift the focus BACK. To that ACTUAL problem. The someone or something that’s trying to do something that Dick doesn’t want.

And here’s where we get to where as I’ve talked about before - I believe Dick DOES have control freak issues, absolutely….but that his reasons for having them differ dramatically from Bruce’s and other characters who have superficially similar tendencies. And in Dick’s case, those tendencies stem from his attempts to SOLVE the problem that is….him so rarely being allowed to have control over his own actual life.  

Dick being stubborn isn’t the source of his issues. The source of his issues are his rapes, his repeated experiences being brainwashed and mind controlled and fucked with, the lack of power he’s afforded in his personal dynamics with even his own family and how often he’s just completely overruled or invalidated by even them…..

Ironically, for all that Dick IS an acknowledged control freak….this is not the actual problem. This is just a badly attempted solution that can not ever really address the problem….that is….his lack of control over so much of his life.

Because much like the only way you can really ever address or FIX the problem that is “Bruce and Dick are estranged because of what happened with Robin” by addressing the PROBLEM as being “Bruce’s actions and choices that created that estrangement, and his failure to act to end it”…..

You can similarly only ever really address or FIX the problem that is “Dick so rarely has control over his own life”….by….giving him more control over that.

Except of course, this is pretty much the exact opposite of what most people try and do whenever Dick is in crisis or struggling with personal issues. Part of the major central PROBLEMS in Dick’s life and narratives is the fact that going hand in hand with how rarely he has control over his own life….is how often others want to have control INSTEAD of him. Even many of the people closest to him, with the best of intentions, have these beliefs or images in their heads of what he NEEDS, what’s best for him….because they’re so rarely asking WHY independence and self-determination are SO important to him, WHAT the problem is that he so often and so readily trots those out as his go-to attempted solution or fix for. 

They’re innately undervaluing the importance of this to him and the WHY of that importance, because it just doesn’t match up to the view they already have installed in their head of who he is, what that looks and acts like, and what his problems MIGHT be…..and the less they listen to what he’s actually saying and asking for by assuming it to be CONTRARY to what he actually ‘needs’ or signs of some kind of flaw on his part or even self-destructive…..all they’re doing is feeding back into that same central issue of prioritizing THEIR view of him and what he needs and what he should be acting like over his OWN view of all that.

With this only being compounded by the reality that….how could they POSSIBLY ever really know what he needs in the first place when….most of them don’t even know what the myriad traumas he’s struggling with are….ironically, because he’s been taught throughout his life to keep most of that to himself, because every time he DOES open up about stuff, peoples’ response is never to ASK what he needs from them or patiently wait for him to figure that out for himself, its just to….DECIDE they know now what the requisite solution is.

With this FURTHER compounded by the fact that so many of Dick’s traumas happen to exist as data points in a repeating pattern. His greatest hits keep hitting, over and over again. Even if he opens up about one rape, there’s more to tell. Even if he opens up about one time being mind controlled, there’s more to tell. Even if he opens up about one time he felt abandoned or rejected by family, there’s more to tell. So even when he STARTS to genuinely open up to people and turn to them for help…..any progress that might result in tends to get nipped in the bud the second a character hears about the FIRST issue and immediately thinks ah-hah, okay, NOW I get it, NOW I see what the problem is….and NOW I know what needs to be done….even though again, they just wind up right back where they started….where how could they POSSIBLY know what Dick actually needs when even now, they still only know one third of it or whatever, because they jumped the gun and couldn’t be patient with him or with letting him take the lead in determining what he NEEDED in order to fix or address his problems.

And round and round and round it goes.

Of course, this then begs the question of how then can they ever truly know what Dick needs, when Dick himself might not know it because he’s long since become an unreliable narrator of his own traumas and various issues?

The answer, IMO, comes from going back to the singular recurring root of so MANY of his traumas and problems….the lack of control, the refusal to allow him to self-determinate. I think its safe to call this his central issue by virtue of the fact its the issue that throughout the decades of his most consistent characterizations….its the issue he most frequently is shown pushing back against with his own personal attempt at finding a fix for what he views as his biggest problems. Dick’s biggest central theme in his life, his one big ask that he keeps asking for over and over from everyone he knows….is just to be allowed to be in charge of his own life. To be believed when he says HE knows what he wants to be, wants to do, what’s ACTUALLY best for him.

Because when you accept that as his biggest issue, and prioritize HIS preferred solution to it as the most pressing NEED of his that needs fulfilling…..suddenly it becomes a lot clearer how to address so many of his other issues. Because he’s already provided the blueprint for doing that, even when he otherwise is a temporarily unreliable narrator of his own issues and needs.

And that’s in who he is and how he treats OTHERS….when he’s at his best. His best being defined by ‘himself when granted fullest control over who he is and how he acts’….because if his central recurring issue is people getting in the WAY of this, people trying to superimpose their OWN view of him over this….then how can himself when at his most successful in addressing THIS real root issue be anything OTHER than himself, when….most ‘himself’?

And the thing is…..how we treat others when we’re EACH at our best….as in, when we have a full drawer of spoons available to us, when we aren’t being hindered or blocked by any personal issues or unknowing biases, when we’re treating people we care about in the way that to us is most IDEAL, while in a position and state of mind where we’re capable of acting upon our personally most idealized behavior….

How we treat people THEN, at THAT point….tends to bear a direct and distinct correlation to how we ideally want others to treat us at our WORST. As in, when we’re MOST in need or want of THEIR best or most idealized behavior or treatment of others.

So the answer to ‘what does Dick REALLY need when he’s struggling with various things or even self-destructive behavior’ IMO is never anything approaching tough love, but neither is it coddling….its simply…..to be treated by the people he cares about the same way he prioritizes treating the people he cares about when he’s at his most capable and most uninhindered on that front.

He basically draws people a map to it.

And yet….so rarely do we see anything remotely close to people treating Dick the way even some of his loudest detractors EXPECT him to consistently treat their own faves.

None of the sensitivity they take for granted when demanding it of his character, given that they’ll hold even one single insensitive thing said by him against him for years. None of the compassion and understanding that they demand he display towards others’ issues, even when they’re lashing out or reacting badly from a place of frustration or loss of control or self-destructive tendencies. Etc, etc.

Its no coincidence in my mind that the times Dick seems BEST capable of and willing to accept help from others, or MOST benefiting from others’ help….are the all too rare occasions when the help others offer him prioritizes letting HIM take the wheel in what happens and when….as well as consistently displaying the same kind of treatment Dick doles out to others in need of help when HE’S at his best and the one providing it. 

But yeah, at the end of the day, for all my own ventposts about the Batfam of late, and all my own personal preferences for the Titans’ interactions with Dick….it can’t go unacknowledged IMO that there is unfortunately still a huge trend or history of them being written very poorly in this respect as well.

Which to me makes the most pressing question not WHO has the best track record of treating Dick better than others….

But why is there barely any track record at ALL, of even Dick’s closest friends and family treating him in the specific ways he’s expected to treat each of them at pretty much all times, regardless of what’s going on with him and his own issues of the moment?

The only way to truly address the problem of Dick having so little control over his own life…is to give him back control.

The only way to truly address the problem of so many people in Dick’s life having an agenda when it comes to him, even if that agenda is just getting him back to being or acting like the version of himself they’re most comfortable with….is to have no agenda other than just BEING there for him, whatever HE wants that to look like.

The only way to truly address the problem of so many people prioritizing their OWN view of what he should want or act like or think like or be like…..is to simply prioritize HIS OWN view of what he should want or act like or think like or be like.

And if the problem is what’s the best way for characters to interact with Dick when he’s going through his worst moments, when he might not even know what he needs or wants at that particular time…..IMO the only way to address this problem is to look at the problem as Dick not being able to be at his best……and prioritize treating Dick the same way he treats others when he IS at that point….rather than….unfortunately just often treating Dick the way OTHERS already tend to treat him that….so often results in him being at his worst….aka The King of Tough Love’s too-often approach to ‘helping’ his eldest in various ways.

Etc, etc.

[farzeenx234]

Digital life stories final

I remember it was June 12, 2012. As I got off the stairs of my plane, I knew my life would never be the same. New challenges were waiting ahead of me and I had to confront them. The difficult thing about moving to a new culture is that a lot of people would feel fear because they are so used to their own culture. So, now they leave what they are used to for a new way and it will be hard for them to adapt. Some may like the new food and the pace of life, then later on in the month people may feel like the new life and culture is unpleasant life. For instance: public hygiene, the language barriers, traffic safety, and food accessibility. Feeling lonely, hopeless or overwhelmed at such an enormous life change. People leave their home countries for various reasons, to escape as a refugee, or immigrate for a change in life. As easy as it seems to be there are so many roadblocks along the way. I was born and raised in Pakistan, my home country. Growing up I was very outgoing, confident, and had a relaxed outlook on life. I was always satisfied and content with my life. That was before my mom married my step dad, and then we were on our way to New York. I could only describe my feelings in one word -- apprehensive. A long and tedious 17-hour flight was ahead of me. I sat restlessly in my seat with a blanket on. My naivety allowed me to think that that blanket was more of a shield rather than a cloth to protect me from the cold. It was a shield that blurred my future and comforted me temporarily. I had no idea what I was going to be. The fact that moving to new country hunts me till this day. Trying to figure out who I was going to be as a person . Deep within I knew that I was scared; But I remember my mom words that we are moving for a better life. I was leaving all my friends, my family, and in a way my life behind. I had to start my life over again. Not only did I have to live a new life I had to conquer it. The moment I stepped out of my plane and into a fresh territory I transformed, mentally and emotionally. I went from being a social extrovert person to a very quiet and shy girl. I had spent 12 years of my life building my character, my personality, all of me. I did not understand why I was expected to change myself. Looking back I could blame it on the confusion, the pressure I put on myself during such a tender age. I had to learn a new language, culture and blend myself with other people, which at that moment I thought was necessary to do so. My mom admitted me into a middle school. The first day of school was the most terrifying moment of my life. I walked in with an anxious expression and for some peculiar reason was ready to be humiliated as if being from somewhere else was so bad. As I went to my first class, I vividly remember feeling like I needed to do something to gain attention and have everyone like me. Under the pressure of blending in, I became the polar opposite of who I truly am. I knew I had to start a new chapter in my life. My first year of going to school in U.S the biggest struggle I had was getting bullied. Though bullying does not seem to connect to school in a related to school and learning sense, bullying in schools causes a lot of negative body-structure-related effects that change how a student will perform in school and the opinions they will form about schools and other American institutions. Many existing school policies, like the structure of English Language Learning classes as being subtractive relating to viewing foreign languages as an interference for related to people who enter a country and related to social pressure, how people act toward each other, etc. normal behaviors and prejudiced mental pictures make schools unsafe for immigrants and children of immigrants youth. This problem comes from gener all good people in the world), instead of being a direct result of education, which makes finding appropriate ways to reduce bullying in schools or handling migrants child bullying situation complex.

hough there is the existence of being one of the most important causing people or animals to interact with others so they're more friendly institutions for youth in America, schools seem to fail at helping appreciation and acceptance of differences present in students. Research shows “ within the last decade, minority groups have surpassed the American mainstream, which has classically been considered to be American-born, White middle class, in the K-12 age bracket of the population. Currently, minority students make up more than half of the school-aged population (Calderón, Slavin and Sánchez 2011) and approximately twenty percent of the youth population are immigrants or children of immigrants (Pumariega and Rothe 2010.) Out of immigrants and children of immigrants, a majority of these students are Hispanic, specifically of Mexican descent, and of Asian descent According to another research published online on March1, 2012 in the Journal of Adolescent Health: Children born outside America, or born into immigrant families, are more likely to become victims of bullying as compared with kids born in the US.Kids born outside the US were more likely to be the victims of bullying rather than being the perpetrators. In addition, Fairfax County Youth Survey School Year 2010-11 data showed that:49% of teens reported that they were called bad names on the basis of their race and culture.Meanwhile, 43% reported that at some point they had targeted a peer on the basis of race and ethnicity.”

Bullying made me something I was not I did not know any English at all and that made me feel excluded as if I did not belong here. One day, when I was in my english class, the teacher made groups of people and had us discuss about how the story we were reading . In my group, there were three Americans and me; for a few minutes I felt I had fit in the group. But when they would not even let me talk, I realized I did not feel included and little by little they completely forgot I was part of the group. There are many children that are born in different countries or move to a different countries and have two cultures, everyday they have to live their lives feeling like they do not belong to a community or even to the only country they know. I made a ton of new friends, but with the wrong intentions. I wanted to have as many friends as I could so I would be popular, a term that I now have found a new meaning for. Making those friends still haunts to how bad I turned out to be. As I got closer to graduation, I reflected on what I had become -- a bogus, arrogant, and ignorant person. I knew that these qualities were not the ones I wanted to embrace. I knew I had to do something so there could be a little authenticity left in me. I knew I had to start a new chapter in my life. Once my high school years began, I made more friends with the same wrong intentions. As I was making more friends, I stumbled upon a girl named Sara, I watched how she handled her life. I saw how she embraced her unique self. Watching her grow into the kind of person that I wanted to be deeply influenced me. That was who I wanted to become. Once again, I transformed myself. But this time it was in a positive way, I became friends with people who liked me for who I was. I was still popular, but this time, I was popular within the small group of friends I had. This time, I had people around me that actually cared about me. This time, I had people around me that wanted the best for me. My brother sometimes asks me if I regret my days in middle school and my response is always no. My experience allowed me to become who I am today. Now that I am reflecting on what I have become: understanding, caring and once again content with my life. Also working on my passion my childhood dream.When I was 15 years old, one year before I graduated from high school, my mom talked to me about what they thought would be best for me to study. she said that good careers were Doctor or Lawyer; I did not give an answer about what I wanted to study that day. However, while I was at school the next day, I thought that maybe that becoming a doctor or lawyer was something I have to study because I did not want her to get upset Studying these types of careers would most likely take me eight to ten years, and I did not want to attend college for that long. One day talked to my mom, and I told her that I would love to become a doctor or even a lawyer, but I want to fulfill my childhood dream. Ever since I was little, I wanted to be called Ma’am or Miss. Growing up in Pakistan made me see the lack of motivation and passion people had for education. Along with that, I also saw how undermined girls were in every aspect. They were forced to stay home and deal with chores. Fortunately, I was born in a family that was open-minded. Though a single mother, my mom always allowed me to fulfill my passion to its full potential. Due to my mother’s passion for education I built a vision for my future. I had always wanted to be a teacher. Differences between how girls were subjected to be a house-wife and boys were expected to be an engineer or a doctor provoked me and made me extremely passionate about teaching.n I wanted to teach people that, though physically different, there is not much difference between how capable boys and girls are.

I still have the vivid visual in my mind: a six year old with a chalk in her hand teaching an imaginary class of 20 students. I knew each and everyone of their names, I knew their strengths, their weaknesses and how to bring out the best. One of my imaginary students was always motivated by the idea of a lavish lifestyle. I told him that he could obtain this by studying hard. In my mind, still to this day, the idea that anything can be gained by studying hard is stuck.

My younger sister would always try and copy me. She would make up her own imaginary class and teach them. We would argue about who is the better teacher and who had more students. Though, at first, watching her teach her own class angered me because it was ‘my thing’. After some time went on, I was rathered motivated by her-she made me realize that if I could ignite a passion for education in her, I could do it for others as well.

The dust that fell from the chalk in the hands of a younger, and still in progress of being Ms. Fatima, though it's gone for now, comes out in the form of motivation when I am feeling down. The remembrance of how I was needed to change the lives of 20 imaginary kids never fails to motivate me to study harder so I could help more lives.Many times parents need to understand what their adolescents want to pursue as a career. It is about what their child wants to do for the rest of her life, not about what the parents want their children to do or study. My experience allowed me to become who I am today. Now that I am reflecting on what I have become: understanding, caring and once again content with my life. Also working on my passion my childhood dream.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Zuisouroku Omokage-ge hana Animate Drama Translation

Last post of the month, but instead of my usual message, I figured I should change it due to current circumstances.... So. If you are able, please consider donating to your local food banks, the Red Cross or other charities who are supporting those affected by Covid-19. Alternatively, consider donating blood (including this since I saw this on CBC and from the Canadian Blood Services and they both mentioned potential shortages), tipping those who deliver your food/take out delivery (every dollar counts to some of these people - I would know since I’m unemployed right now cuz of what’s going on but will able to get by. huzzah for the Canadian government!), or support other content creators, writers, translators and artists who need help if possible. 

Also make sure you wash your hands for 20 seconds, avoid touching your face, cough into your sleeve/elbow, practice social distancing and refrain from going out if possible.... and please, please do not go singling out a certain ethnicity for how things are right now. I have a second cousin who works in a hospital down in california, and another living in new york right now.... and the last thing they need is racism and harassment. 

Anyway. I’m finally done with this drama. not really fond of putting things all together since that means i need to translate more hakuoki content for another week (i prefer to do less lol), but i’ve made an exception to this as the audio was supplied to me earlier by Aysha (which is also why i had this drama jump the queue lol). Edits will be done when I get to my subtitle video.

do not repost elsewhere. also thank you to @jokertrap-ran​ for helping me with 2 sentences that i just couldn’t figure out the Chinese for (they’re the ones left in bold), and thank you again to Aysha for supplying the audio. 

Videos are now here 

Track 1: https://youtu.be/ETTfJHCKOkk

Track 2: https://youtu.be/Nnp0mE_DLmw

enjoy?

Hakuoki Zuisouroku Omokage-ge hana Animate Drama CD Shimabara After story

Track 1

Translation by KumoriYami

Harada: Okay! Well now that this Shimabara incident is over, let's take the opportunity to drink! Everyone don't hold back [says: be modest], we aren't going home until we're drunk/unless we get drunk!

Okita: Arresting/Catching so many ronin, Kondou-san was also very happy! He also said that the spies hiding here were also arrested by the Shinsengumi.

Saito: However it seems that the Vice-Commander was a little anxious/upset. Because of the investigation of the spies, [news of it] has already spread throughout Shimabara. Tonight's festivities, although it was approved by the vice-commander, he  however said that we need to conduct ourselves with dignity [behave appropriately]

Souji: Yes/indeed. Then let's order some expensive food! Excuse me, please start with your most expensive wine in the store served with similar dishes!

Saito: Wait a moment! Why are you doing the opposite! The vice-commander clearly said, that we should be holding a meeting to reflect upon ourselves, and should not be celebrating by drinking.....

Souji: Eh, I can't hear anything!

Harada: heisuke, what's wrong? You haven't said anything from the start. Are you still brooding over what happened?

Heisuke: Wha....what do you mean by brooding? Sano-san. Don't say things that don't make sense/something strange.

Souji: What what? What are you brooding over/what's the matter?

Harada: Ah, so it's like this......

Heisue: Hey, I told you not to say anything unnecessary!

Harada: Ah, sorry. can't you just say it?

Souji: Are you keeping a secret from us?  That's really annoying [unpleasant].

Heisuke: Since it's only a small matter, I haven't said anything.

Souji: In that case just enjoy yourself to the fullest. Thanks to her dressing up as a geisha, she was able to infiltrate Shimabara to obtain information, and we were able to catch all those roshi at once.

Heisuke: But.... I din't want to have her dressed up like that..... [force?]

Souji: Areh?

Heisuke:.......What.

Souji: Hm~? it turns out/so that's what it was, it was that thing.

Heisuke: Don't smile like that! 

Souji: How annoying, my usual expression is like this.

Heisuke: Liar! Whenever Souji shows this kind of expression, you're definitely not thinking of anything good!

Souji: Actually/In fact you don't need to feel embarrassed, could it be that Heisuke didn't think that she looked lovely dressed as a geisha?

Harada: [it's?] Because she was originally a beauty [from the start she's already beautiful]

Souji: That response is really straight to the point/direct.   Compared to Heisuke who felt embarrassed/shy because of how cute she looked dressed as a geisha, the reactions of everyone else was like the difference between heaven and earth.

Heisuke: Why am I being dragged into his! I only that because she's not a member of the troopi, that she shouldn't be taking on such a dangerous assignment, that's all......

Harada: For the purpose of keeping her out of danger, weren't we on standby in the corner room?? You were great, shouting "that's not good," [and] "I can't stand this" or something, and rushed outside.

Heisuke: Why are you telling the truth!!! Anyway shut up and stop talking you idiot!

Harada: Whoops, i'm really sorry.  

Souji: Eh..... so that's it. I didn't expect that.

Heisuke: No, that's not [it]......!s

Saito (whispering): Actually/In fact I can understand Heisuke's thoughts...... at the time I was also deeply fascinated [entranced/captivated] by how she was dressed.

Souji: Hajime-kun?

Saito: Ah...Uh, sorry, i'ts nothing...Well, I did just say it...

Souji: Well, I can hear you very well. It turns out that even Hajime-kun was also deeply fascinated by her dress [check if says kimono. also rephrase later].

Saito : !!!! I, I didn't mean [it like?] that! Just, just because I was unfamiliar with how she dressed, doesn't mean that I was attracted [to it? her?]....... [rephrase later]

Souji: In other words, you admit that you're attracted to her?

Saito: No....... In any case I am also a captain in the Shinsengumi so how could I think of something so shameless when I am carrying out my duties! Anyhow, where is she? It seems that she hasn't arrived here yet......

Harada: Hijikata-san and Shinpachi should be bringing her over soon.

(the sound of footsteps and a door sliding open)

???: I just saw her a moment ago being questioned at the entrance of Shimabara. And together with Hijikata.

Heisuke: You are.... Kazama?! (reaches for sword)

Kazama: Put away your sword. I'm in a good mood today, and have no reason to fight you.

Souji: What does your so-called good mood mean/what do you mean by good mood?

Kazama: That goes without saying. Of course it's because I saw my wife's beautiful dress [appearance]. As expect, my eyes did not make a mistake [were not wrong].

Saito: Yukimura is not your wife. Her attitude towards you has been blatant/explicit.

Kazama: I've heard that woman who grow up in Edo are very strong. Even if she fell in love with me, she wouldn't show it.

Souji: Where does your self-confidence come from?

Harada: Go back to that [going back to what you said before], Chizuru's being interrogated?! Did someone discover her identity as a woman......

Kazama: It's because of the elopement incident that Hijikata caused which seems to have [caused her to be] been noticed [rephrase later].

Souji: Eh~ I just heard some extraordinary gossip [interesting]. It turns out that Hijikata-san already had such a reputation at Shimabara/Hijikata-san's reputation has spread to such an extent at Shimabara.

Harada: Oi, Souji. For the sake of safety/To be on the safe side, don't speak of this/go around spreading this to the other team members......

Souji: How hateful/annoying, I won't speak of such nonsense. But in the event that someone asks me if the Vice-Commander is or isn't with a geisha from Shimabara, I won't hide anything/speak without holding back.

Kazama: Alright [Very well... or something cuz its kazama], [let's] start drinking. The depressed guy over there, hurry up and prepare sake for me.

Heisuke: Oi! Why are you sneaking into our party?!

(After a while......)

Heisuke (sounds drunk for the rest of this track): Speaking of which.... I was against this plan from the very beginning!

Saito:......Heisuke, did you drink too much? Your eyes are starting to droop [lose focus].

Heisuke: Teach me how to not drink so much!

Saito: Why are you so upset?

Heisuke: I'm super pissed!!! For a covert investigation, we actually didn't need to use her, as long as we paid a geisha to assist us, but she was abruptly dragged down into this by us.

Saito: Your way of thinking isn't understandable, but it was also her who took the initiative to help us, [so] your criticisms are a little too much. [check audio to hear if this sounds like multiple sentences]

Harada: That's right.  Based on the outcome, nothing big happened, [which] this isn't bad.

Souji: Seeing how cute she was dressed, Heisuke was definitely/obviously very happy.

Heisuke: You smiling demon [???]!!! Compared to those clothes, the clothes of an ordinary woman clearly suit her more [rephrase later]!!

Harada: maybe, I'd also like her to see her dressed like an ordinary woman.

Heisuke: Hey......Sano-san, I've wanted to ask you.... She.... what is she to you?

Harada: Hm? I don't really think much of it but, is something the matter? Why do you ask? [i’ll reword ^ later when i get to the drama]

heisuke: I feel that Sano-san.... your attitude, rather than a comrade, you treat her more as a woman.

Harada: That's the [your?] problem. Although she's usually dressed in men's clothes, she's still genuinely a woman. It's only natural to treat her as a woman/Of course she still has to be treated as a woman.

Heisuke: [That's/so] Too sly/cunning......!

Souji: If Heisuke wants to treat her as a girl, he should be honest and say so and not be secretive about it..

Kazama: (setting down a glass) Toudou...... could it be that you have ill intentions towards my wife [TL is more or less evil thoughts/desire lol]? First take a look in a mirror [Look at yourself in the mirror first].

Heisuke: Shut up! You're the last one to be teaching me anything [last one who she be saying anything] ! She hates you the most out of all of us!!!

Kazama: I remember what I said just now [Remember what I said just now], Edo women, even if they fall in love, they will not express their true thoughts.

Saito:......I think it'd be nice if Heisuke could have a face as thick as Kazama's [if Heisuke could be as thick-headed as Kazama.... probably? or if Heisuke could have a face that had a fraction of Kazama's thickness]

Heisuke: Hajime-kun where the hell did your arm go?!

Souji: Don't first talk about Heisuke, what about yourself Hajime-kun [rephrase later]? Are you confident enough to defeat a crowd of rivals in love while surrounded and at her side?

Saito:......What are you talking about! The team has rules that ban personal fights!

Souji: That is to say, if it's not a personal fight, we're allowed to fight until one of us is dead/you'd fight to the death?

Saito:.....Why must you twist other people's words to this degree/extent!

Kazama: You bastard...... it seems that I'll have to force the truth from your mouth. Oi, Toudou. bring out the strongest sake in the store! I'm going to expose what his sincere thoughts he has [will have the truth forced from this man].

Heisuke: Why are you ordering me around!? Wait a moment/Hold on...... this is for getting Hajime-kun drunk so he'll tell the truth...... Yosh! I'm going to get/grab it at once/immediately!

(Heisuke gets up and runs out)

Saito: Wait!  It doesn't matter that you guys are already drunk, but I cannot get drunk [now]......

Souji: (pours sake) Don't say that, let's drink without holding back! These opportunities are hard to come by!

---------------------------------------

Track 2

Hijikata: It was pointed out that Yukimura looked a lot like the geisha who eloped the other day...... It look a while/lot of time to settle that mater.

(door opens)

Hijikata: I've made you wait for a long time! Sorry, I sent Yukimura back first with Shinpachi to headquarters......Eh, what's going on?!

Souji: Ah. Hijikata-san, you're really late.

Hijikata: You're the one that's late! Harada and Heisuke are completely drunk!

Kazama: What are you saying/talking about. It's your fault that you're always so slow.

Hijikata: Kazama! You bastard why are you here?!

Kazama: Don't mention that, why haven't you brought my wife?

Hijikata: Who's your wife! It's because she got upset from being interrogated, she first went back to headquarters.......Geez, this isn't the time to be getting involved with that guy. You guys! Stand up! Didn't I warn you guys about conducting yourself properly!?

Harada: Ah! If it isn't Hijikata-san! Now that Hijikata-san is here, we need to start from the begining! If you ask me about when I got this scar on my stomach......

Hijikata: I've said it many times [but] I've heard already heard your [that] story before.

Heisuke: Hijikata-san! I wanna ask you...... were you really planning on eloping with her/is it true that you were really going to elope with her?

Hijikata: Ha?! Where the hell did you hear that from? At best, that's a misunderstanding since I'd never do something like that!

Souji: Eh? Is that really true?  I thought that Hijikata-san wasn't the kind of person who would do something that could cause people to misunderstand in this way/who would ever do something so misleading. [or just misleading]

Heisuke: Then it's true! Hijikata-san used his position as vice-commander to elope with her, this method is too despicable!

Hijikata: Didn't I say, that I didn't do any of that! Can't you understand [Why can't you understand that]!

Saito: Exactly. If the Vice-Commander wanted to take Yukimura, he would not employ such callow and clumsy tricks, rather he would adopt a more complex and sophisticated course of action [tactics...?].

Hijikata:......Oi, Saito, are you trying to protect me or kill me? Give me a clear-cut position [clear answer]!

Saito: What are you saying. I will always be on the vice-commander's side. [literally: i will forever stand with/at the vice-commander's side whenever]

Hijikata: It's great that your on my side......

Souji: Right now it's pointless to say anything to Hajime-kun. Because regardless of what you say to hajime-kun, his expression won't change even though he's actually already completely drunk.

Hijikata: to actually like to say this kind of things, anyway it's you guys' fault that he's [this?] drunk!

Kazama: You came at just the right time (pours wine). Hijikata. Answer me. What kind of intentions do you have towards my wife who you have confined to your headquarters?

Hijikata: What kind of intentions [what do you mean by intentions]? Why should I answer you?

Souji: Isn't there a reason? Hijikata-san has said himself that he likes women from Edo.

Kazama: What? Then it's true.......

Hijikata: What "it's true" nonsense ! Souji! Quit always saying such misleading things!

Heisuke: Ah~ so it's like that, Hijikata-san's aiming for her too? Despite how he was so strict over a mere mistake! 

Hijikata: I'm telling you, I wasn't planning on doing that......!

Harada: But to secretly protect her......

Hijiakta hey wait! When did I do that!

Kazama: I see. So it was like that. (picks up sword) Hijikata..... even if it costs me all of my pride and dignity/honour, I will have you buried here today/I will kill you today!

Hijikata: don't misunderstand me [don't misunderstand/quit misunderstanding]! She was allowed to stay at headquarters for the sake of/for the purpose finding Kodo-san, because of that, she was given the identity of a page.......

Souji: But don't you call her every few days to your room to have her make you tea? A lone man and a woman in a room, in the end, who knows what might have happened~ [between them?] [depending on the audio i'll make thr second sentence longer/shorter]

Kazama: What.... [very] good/great Hijikata, to go as far as to use/to actually make use of your position to do this sort of thing!! I will not spare you! this opportunity just arrived [this is a golden opportunity/the perfect chance?]! We'll settle this over wine/drinking!

Hijikata: HA?! why did this happen?!

Heisuke DAMN IT~~~~!!!! it turns out that Hijikata-san is a rival (in love)————！！！！ Oi, Kazama! We have a temporary alliance! Hijikata-san! We're going to drink to decide this!

Saito: The Vice-commander and Yukimura....!? Ah.... What is the truth to this emotion buried deep within my heart [what is the meaning to this emotion buried deep within my heart]? Without drinking, I can't calm/dispel my resentment!!

Harada: Although it is important to respect that her personal opinions...... if we're using wine to determine a victor, I will accept this challenge!

Hijikata: I didn't say any of that, you're getting it all wrong!!! You guys, listen to me!

【END】

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image swiped from suruga-ya...  i will definitely be rephrasing most of the 2nd half of track 2 for more... conversational word sense. couldn't think of how to make things sound natural when i posted this but i'll get that done along with all the necessary editing later when i get to making my srt file for this drama.... aiming to have the subtitles done for next month (currently working on the files now). 

also, next month im planning on mostly ssl game content... and to have the remainder of all Zuisouroku game content posted in may... (i now officially have enough tl+imags posts queued til the end of may).

stay safe ppl!

(p.s. in case you didn’t see my psa, i’m sharing a number of hakuoki vids and art books. full list is on my tumblr page “stuff i have”)

[anonymousanomieness]

Cheat the Church of Integrity — Strip the Sanctuary of Truth — Compromise the Cult of Society — Life is YOUR Game

Introducing The Games: i. The Language Game The Language Game was the first game that I had to confront.  My caregivers produced expressions with their faces, sounds with their mouths, and gestures with their bodies, and I naturally imitated.  I was taught meaning from the beginning.  “No” had an important meaning that I was urged to learn as a baby.  I made sense of verbal and visual cues in order to maintain peace with my guardians.  I became one with the nuclear family — and ultimately, one with the vast majority, as I went on to further my indoctrination in grammar school. ii. The Virtue Game As a baby, the word “no” carried a concise meaning, with a sense of urgency.  It was mostly for my own protection; but as a toddler and a young child, “no” carried a heavier meaning.  When I acted on my urges, even if it was not a dangerous choice, my caregivers would intervene with, “No!”, followed by an exclamation such as, “Don’t do that! That’s wrong! That’s bad!” If I were a toddler, I would simply cry in frustration.  If I were a young child, I would use my power of language to ask, “Why? Why is that wrong? Why is that bad?” Then I would be given an explanation such as, “Because it’s not nice.  It’s not appropriate.  It’s not respectable.  It makes you bad, and you ought to be good!” Notice how the first ethics we tended to discover were “wrong” and “bad”, as opposed to “right” and “good”.  We tended to assume everything to be neutral, until we were confronted with the concepts of “wrong” and “bad”, through which we then became aware of the concepts of “right” and “good”.   “Why should I be good?” I might ask.  Then I would be confronted with the notion of Virtue.  I would be given a long list of qualities that I ought to uphold — for no other reason than the mere idea that these qualities are, allegedly, “virtuous”.  I was forbidden to ask why these qualities were considered virtuous, or to question the necessity of Virtue altogether.  Therefore, Virtue became my first religion.  I was then encouraged to join a well-established, organized religion that promoted even more virtues — without realizing that I had already been recruited into the religious cult of Society.   iii. The Legal Game If Society could not control me with Virtue, they would use Law.  Much of the Law is based in religious Virtue, but what really matters is that the Legal Game belongs to the Operators within the Church of Integrity — the Sanctuary of Truth.  Social control is their main goal, and they wish to achieve it by any means, with the perpetuation of Virtue being only one of those means.   The rules of the Legal Game were invented by the Operators.  In America, and other Democratic countries, citizens are given false hope that they are in control of the Legal Game.  They believe they can call upon the leaders of their village, state, province, or country to make changes that would seem to benefit individuals; and if the leaders cannot or will not make those changes, then the citizens believe they can vote for new leaders to take their place.  These citizens do not realize that most government leaders are without power; they simply harness the power that is granted to them by the Operators — not all of whom are involved with government and lawmaking.  The Legal Game is not above the Operators; the Legal Game was built to serve the Operators.  Democracy is nothing but a flavor of government. The Legal Game also intertwines very much with the Language Game.  Lawmakers choose words carefully, and place them in a systematic order to form crucial sentences with the understanding that all of the words carry universally accepted meanings.  If necessary, a lawmaker will even change the meaning of preexisting words, or create new words out of thin air!  They will then publish these arbitrary sentences under the label “Law”, which is a contrived term in and of itself.   Society has accepted that laws are sentences that carry authority.  They are sentences to be upheld and respected, and to refuse them would be unethical, let alone illegal.  This is how the Legal Game ties in further with the Virtue Game.  If you commit a “crime” without anyone noticing, you may not go to jail…but you will go to Hell! If you refuse a coronavirus vaccine that is mandated by Law, then you are not just a criminal…you are a selfish sinner! iv. The Identity Game As a child, I was not so concerned with the Legal Game, since the only laws I needed to be wary of were those created by my guardians and my school teachers.  A game that I had to contend with much earlier on was the Identity Game.  Very young children naturally tend to think solipsistically, until they are confronted with the possibility that there are others.  I began to qualify others based on qualities that I became aware of within myself.  My school teachers helped me to confront my own traits further by asking me mostly about my tastes and hobbies — since that was what I was naturally concerned with in that moment.  My teachers additionally set me up to contend with my identity by obsessing over gender and patriotism — and instructing me to write my name on my assignments.  Every stroke of my pencil, and every pledge of allegiance to the flag, etched my name and my citizenship further into my own consciousness.   As a teenager and young adult, I became even more self-aware, and started to ask the following question on a deeper level — “Who am I?” This question led me to ask more questions: “What do I believe? What are my wishes and goals?” — and then I lost control when I started to ask, “What university should I choose? What occupation should I choose?” This pleased the Operators, since they did not want me to be concerned with myself, but with Society overall.  They wanted to indoctrinate me further through higher education — expensive higher education — and thereby place me in debt, which could only be rectified by swiftly getting involved with a cause beyond myself, and identifying with a job title.   Soon enough, I began to see how we were all swindled.  At birth, I was given a legal name, fingerprinted, given a social security number, and sent to school, all without consent…I was actually contending with two identities the whole time: my own ego, and the identity that the Operators manufactured for me as I grew.  What’s more, my manufactured identity is legally mandatory, tying the Identity Game to the Legal Game.   The Operators are already working on a new digital identification for Society to subscribe to: ID2020.  This digital identification, which may ultimately come with a variety of names, will place more control of us into the hands of the Operators.  They may not mandate it at first, but they will likely make it more attractive to the people by slowly passing laws that will force public and even private institutions to require digital identification for almost everything.  Want to get a driver’s license? Get ID2020.  Want to buy those apples? Get ID2020.  Want to get paid by your employer? Want health insurance and life insurance? Want to get married? Want to buy a house? Want to pay your taxes? Get ID2020…Want ID2020? GET VACCINATED! My legal name, my social security number, my driver’s license number, my employee identification number, and the digital ID that I absolutely refuse to obtain do not belong to my ego.  My identity is something I willfully create and continuously revise through my own ego — not something compulsory that is thrown upon me! I always choose my identity.  Additionally, I subconsciously tend to carry multiple identities at once.  My ego transcends any and every identity that is given to me by another.  I am not singular.  I am not one being.  I am anything I choose to be, at any moment, and my options can only be limited by myself.  The identities I craft for myself — all of which I utilize for my benefit —  are ongoing projects, supervised by me and only me.   No, I do not have “Multiple Personality Disorder” — and nobody does, as that would be a component within the contrived Psychiatry Game. To be continued…

[english-y]

Final Draft

Probably...

Sofhia J. Jaime

J. Doyle

ENGL 1302-70L

2020/09/27

Fan Fiction Writing

     ‘FanFiction’ is defined to be, “Fiction written by a fan of, and featuring characters from, particular TV series, movie, etc.” according to the Oxford languages website while true, fanfiction is much more than that. Fanfiction is the creation of alternate universes, plots, characters, characterizations, and many other aspects of popular books, shows, movies, etc.  these authors rewrite stories or continue them after their final conclusion. With that comes a lot of work, considering the high demand for this type of media. Websites such as AOS, Tumblr, WattPad, FanFiction.net, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and a plethora of other pages that thrive from this form of entertainment. Authors of these works often gain a massive following on their social media as the popularity for this medium grows. Sometimes the final writings are more complex than its original, currently the longest fanfiction in existence have 4,102,217 words and 220 chapter which are still being regularly updated. Yet, most often fan fiction is disregarded and frowned upon by the majority of readers(!). Fanfiction carries a prejudice that unfortunately discredits the author and the work as a whole. Commonly, it is believed to be the work of desperate teens from the ages 13+ who over romanticize book characters, movie characters or people in the public eye. Though this essay I want to explore the reality of this type of writing and how its misrepresentation causes it to be devalued at surface level even though this writing has shown bountiful benefits to aspiring authors.

     In Not All Those Who Wonder are Lost by Cecilia Aragon she found that most authors who write fanfiction felt similarly “Many of the authors we interviewed admitted they started off as poor writers but said they’d improved enough to consider writing professionally.” Three of the authors that I had interviewed planned on authoring their own novels and all three of them have their stories already in the making. In fact, Admin Kim of RightSockJin has her story already written but as a fanfiction she plans on editing it to form it into a cohesive novel of which she would like to publish. Also, Shannon of Kpopfanfictiontrash she is working on her young adult novel with hopes to publish soon.

     “The most recent report from the National Assessment of Educational Progress indicated that 73% of US students in grades 8 and 12 lack proficiency in writing.” Maybe instead of overlooking medium we could use it to help students work on their writing, show them how to develop plot by dissecting a prewritten story and writing it in their own likeness. We could even help students develop a writing style by having them mimic the style of an established author. There is so much we can do to help interest students and interest them in writing but the masses refuse to look passed the surface of fanfiction reading and writing.

      Recently, my friends and I have started a blog where we upload our personal writing. From what I have noticed, my writing has matured substantially. My characterization, vocabulary, problem solving skills, and many other aspects of this creative medium have grown to something I am prouder to show. Even though I do not plan to pursue a career in writing this has given me to confidence I need for general writing, for schoolwork and for jobs I hope to obtain in the future. Growing up I never enjoyed reading or writing, I was insecure about my abilities because I grew up bilingual, which caused some teachers to treat me unfairly  The friends who are writing alongside me do plan on publishing novels, and through this type of writing I have noticed that they were able to polish their skills and develop a writing style. Though, I have noticed that they have not been able to feely talk about their writing because people do not take their writing seriously because it is fanfiction.

     I was able to conduct a survey asking people about their opinions concerning fanfiction. From what I have gathered most people are turned off by what they perceive fanfiction to be.

      Out of all of the people who have taken the survey the majority did enjoy reading. Though I know reading does not necessarily mean reading books, there is a wide variety of writings that are accessible to consumers The most popular types of readings were Book and novels and comics. Which I found interesting considering the fact that those works are typically taken and used as inspiration of fanfiction. Still, most of the people who took the survey have not read and do not want to read fanfiction.

     Seventy percent of the group had not read any fanfiction and had given the media a negative connotation without actually having read though any of the works. When asked about what they had hears about the writings a lot of the times they expressed hearing “not a lot of appropriate things” someone even called it “cringe” and just decided they did not want to give fanfiction a chance.

     My goal is to show the reality of fanfiction to readers and authors who overlook these works of fiction because they bring more benefit to those who consume and create these. I was able to ask a few more established authors on Tumblr, for their background and their opinion of the stigma surrounding this media, their personal opinion, and a little information regarding their positionality. On my Tumblr I direct messages a few of my favorite writers out of the twenty I ask only five answered. Even though the turnout was not the best I was still able to get some really good insight from authors of different backgrounds. I was able to talk to was Shanna of Kpopfanfictiontrash, Sol of jamaisjoons, Traci of cupofteaguk, Admin Kim,  Admin Calico Admin AdMin from rightsockjin and lasty Athena from GoddessAthean on Wattpad.

      First I was able to talk to Shanna from Kpopfanfictiontrash (late 20’s) and comes a Caucasian background. She has been writing for around six years and at the moment she works as a businesswoman. Soon after I talked to Sol admin of the Tumblr jamaisjoons (22yrs) writer that comes from an Indian background, she has been writing for around seven years, but she is currently working as an accountant. I was also able to get in contact with Traci (23yrs) Asian-American fanfiction author with around ten years of experience who writes on the cupofteaguk tumblr blog, she is currently studying Communications in college. Lastly, I got to talk to all of the three writers in the Rightsockjin blog. Admin Kim who is a twenty-one and working as a teacher with a Hispanic/Mexican background, she has been writing for 12 years and lastly Admin Calico (19), who is a full time student working on an English Major who also is from a Hispanic/Mexican background who has had over ten years and Admin AdMin(19) who is a Computer Science major who had been writing for seven years. Lastly, I was able to talk to Athena (19) a Hispanic who writes under the AthenaGodess pseudonym who is also a Computer Science major and has been writing for around four years.

     I was able to have talk to all of the authors and get their individual opinions of their work, the writings they’ve read, and the perspective about this creative medium. I wanted to know that their work actually meant to them. Traci expressed that she “really [enjoys] writing fan fiction because it’s a form of expression...”. More than fifty percent of the authors mentioned self-expression, this medium is an easy to show the inner turmoil that in the mind of the author. Often, these writers show more vulnerable and intimate part of themselves. Personally, I love to write about my ideal relationship because I have had some really terrible experiences with relationships. Aside from using this as a way to vent her creativity it has helped her with her academic writing. “Allowing myself to write on a daily basis also helps hone in on my writing skills, which can be applied to professional situations or school assignments.”

     I also asked about their opinion on the stereotypes and stigma surrounding fanfiction and how it affects them. Shana gave me an interesting perspective, “I think most stereotypes are rooted in a general lack of understanding. I do write fanfiction based off a musical artist, so my male lead character may contain some of their features and personality traits. I don’t necessarily have to create these aspects myself. Everything else I do. The plot of the story. The side characters and romantic interests. The setting, the world-building. The dialogue and description and everything in between – that exists nowhere but in my own mind. I would also say there’s an equal, but different challenge to writing based off something which already exists. It requires greater research, perception and understanding than simply creating something out of thin air.” Which correlated from my previous research, most people who have not even read fanfiction just refuse to even look into the medium. When I asked specifically about the stigma Sol stated “There [is] an assumption that most fanfic writers are young 12-16-year-olds and while that’s true sometimes, there’s actually a higher percentage of authors who are 18+, especially ranging from 22-30.” Which while there may be young authors the majority according to my studies range higher than eighteen years of age.

     In my own experience and research, I found that authors find solace in their writing. Sometimes these writers come from some unfortunate situations which cause them to look for succor, so they write out their ideal life in these fictions. I went through a trauma with my first boyfriend which caused me to fall into a depression. I began to journal, which lead me to write out scenarios that made me feel better. Even though my writing was not explicitly fanfiction this bit of writing led me to create a fanfiction blog. This, in a way, allowed me to rehabilitate myself out of my slump and get myself to get back to a more positive form of thinking, my writing gave me hope where I before I saw none. Alongside me psyche my writing improved significantly. I started to get better grades in my AP English classes during high school, then my writing for my college classes became something I enjoyed. A subject that I once dreaded became something I looked forward to doing.

     This form of media seems to get less credit than it is worth but in reality, these works can be equally, and sometimes more intricate than their original works. Unfortunately, because it was not written by a credible source the writing is disregarded. Instead of sending negativity to these aspiring authors we should encourage their development with positive engagement and constructive criticism, so they feel encouraged to supplying their audience with their work and so they can continue to develop their skill and style.

Works Cited

Aragon, Cecilia. “Not All Those Who Wonder Are Lost.” MIT Technology Review, vol. 123, no. 1, Jan. 2020, pp. 44–47. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=ip,shib&db=a9h&AN=140364555&site=ehost-live.

 @rightsockjin​ @kpopfanfictrash​ @cupofteaguk​ @jamaisjoons​

[mobgaming957]

How much would it cost to build a gaming pc 2015

Tips For Starting A Gaming Blog

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