#how to pick the right mutual funds

[bynux]

"don't vote for Harris or you're supporting genocide" "voting blue is still voting for fascists" Then what else do you expect us to do?

Here are some options y'all seem to insist on and why they're fucking stupid:

Vote Third Party :: Until we have ranked-choice voting (and probably even if we did have ranked-choice voting), it is practically impossible to make a 3rd-party candidate viable. There's not enough of the population that's far enough from moderate to give up their "safe" blue vote for some "revolutionary."

Don't Vote At All :: I'd prefer to pick my enemy. If I'm going to be working in spite of the government, or even against it in some ways, I'd rather the people I'm working against not already be targeting me for being queer, for example. If my options are "bad" or "much, much worse" I'm gonna pick "bad" and try to improve things from there.

Violent Revolution :: It's a cosplay power fantasy in the same vein as the Right-wingers looking for a reason to shoot protesters. Assuming you even have enough people organized and enough firepower to pull that off in the first place…have you prepared a plan to keep the innocents alive and safe? Are you sure you can keep supply chains for food and medicines intact? Are you sure there will be resources available for the disabled, the scared, the young and old, those who won't be able to fight and still need to be taken care of? Turns out revolution is ugly and causes a lot of undue collateral damage. Are the lives "saved" really going to outweigh those whose lives will be upended and destroyed? It's not like a newly-toppled, unorganized country will be able to do anything about Israel/Gaza, so you're just hurting and killing far more people than you're saving.

As for the power you do have to better things (and make Leftism more viable as a political stance in the US)?

Work at the level of your local government. If you're in a small enough town or neighborhood and think you have what it takes, run for local office. Be a local face of the left wing; you're far more likely to sway a small town to your views than the whole country, and each small town with a socialist-leaning government is a dot on the map for larger-scale viability, and you can help keep your community safe while trying to build up in scale.

Build community so we can keep each other safe if worse does come to worst. Push mutual aid initiatives, help at food banks, grow produce to donate to those in need, apply to work at your local free clinic, empower local businesses whenever possible so that if there is a socioeconomic collapse, you and those you love aren't left completely without resources.

Protest, and make it disruptive. You can be disruptive without being violent: graffiti, blocking roads, encampments, sit-ins, to name a few examples. Create inconveniences so it gets people's attention whether they like it or not.

Above all, FUCKING VOTE BLUE. You're choosing your enemy. You get to help decide if the government we're working in spite of is run by milquetoast neoliberal war hawks who do, on some rare occasions, actually make things marginally better…or full-tilt Christo-fascists who want to kill some of us for kissing people with the same genitals as us. There aren't any other options that are going to be picked. It sucks, but at the bare minimum we can pick the option that isn't going to actively murder us while we try to build up viability for a candidate who won't sell out brown people to an ethnostate.

If you aren't doing at least one of the things above, then don't lecture me about how I keep myself and my community safe. I'd love to see a United States (or some future iteration of it) that acknowledges the sovereign rights of indigenous peoples, that doesn't fund genocide, that provides healthcare as a basic human right, that doesn't meddle in every other country's business. But if we are to see that, let alone help that happen, we need to survive this next presidential administration.

Edit: y'all have lost reblog privileges. If you wanna screenshot this and have stupid unnuanced opinions OFF of my post, be my guest. Just leave me tf alone.

[bowtiepastabitch]

Fandom Tumblr, Do Your Thing

Mutuals, strangers, people I've force-friended by making silly fanart of your posts. Lend me your ears for like, ten seconds.

For less than the price of a cup of coffee (or for free!!) I will personally send you a custom piece of hand drawn one-of-a-kind art. So long as you give me a reference image of some kind, I will draw just about anything.* For you. At no cost. And I will send it to you in the mail, aka the coolest way to get art. All you have to do is:

1.Donate to @phoen1xr0se's mutual aid fund for housing for her and her two kids!

2.DM me a screenshot of your receipt

3.Provide me with your address** and your drawing prompt

4.Wait for your art to arrive:)

OR

1.Reblog this post. You can literally just reblog this post. When her fundraiser is completed, I will pick 2-5 blogs from the notes (depending on how many rbs I get) to send you art completely for free. If you get picked, I will get in contact to get your information.

Full information, terms, conditions, et cetera, are further down. Please do read them before sending money.

~~~

Laura, aka PhoenixRose, is a mutual of mine and an incredible writer. She's a total sweetheart, and she's kind of adopted a lot of the Good Omens fandom and has really been a light in the community. She is unable to work due to cancer, so this fundraiser is to help ensure that her family has a safe and stable place to live. You can find out more about her lovely family and situation at the link or on her page<3

Rules and stuff: I live in the united states, so international shipping is a bit pricy. As such, the minimum to redeem a postcard is £5 for US addresses and £10 for all other addresses, in UK currency, with proof of payment in UK or your local currency. Higher donation amounts will get you more effort into your art, and for any donations over £50 I will break out the paints. You can click here to see some of the fanart I've done recently, though my higher quality original art doesn't usually end up on my blog so it may be a bit skewed as to representing my skill level. That said, I am an artist in the loosest sense of the term and really only do this for fun. Please don't expect professional results. Additionally, I am receiving no money whatsoever for this (stamps are out of my pocket), and it's important to me that you know that. I've already donated all I can afford to, so this is my broke bitch way of helping out a little more. If you get picked to get art for free, your dms will need to be turned on so I can reach you. If I am unable to get in contact with you via DMs or asks, that will be considered a forfeit.

*I really will draw just about anything, including characters, ocs, animals, your pets, your friends, your fursona, etc. No explicit NSFW please, suggestive is okay. I reserve the right to ask you to pick something different if the prompt makes me uncomfortable or is offensive in any way.

**I want to keep your information as safe as possible. As such, if you're not comfortable sending over dms I can provide you with my email address to send the information to. I am also open to sending it digital if you are in a position where you cannot currently receive physical mail or are uncomfortable doing so. All messages, emails, etc with personal information will be deleted as soon as your mail is on its way.

[sweet-honey-fruit]

And They Were Roommates

With — Al-Haitham/Kaveh, Ayato/Thoma, and Cyno/Tighnari

Genre — Fluff

Warnings — Might get a little suggestive but overall there isn’t any

Al-Haitham and Kaveh

Being a mutual friend of Al-Haitham and Kaveh was hard. You first encountered them at Puspa Café, surrounded by homework papers and stressed out of your mind. Your professors at the Akadaymia were certainly giving you a run for your money with all the assignments they threw your way. Kaveh was the one who asked to sit next to you, and Al-Haitham soon followed suit.

“Someone as stunningly beautiful as yourself should not be suffering alone,” Kaveh said with a sly grin. He leaned back in his chair, raising his steaming chai latte to the air, and watched the liquid swirl within it.

“Don’t mind him, he’s trying and failing to shoot his shot as if he has a chance in the first place,” He swiftly takes the chair next to his friend.

“Can you please not embarrass me, just this once! Archons, you’re insufferable!”

“I’m just being honest. I tend to not live in a fantasy world, unlike someone here.”

You sat there, eyes flickering between the two as they bickered away. For that split second you felt your stress slip away. You smiled, which eventually turned into laughter. They stopped, turning to look at you as if you were the one impeding their conversation. You picked up your drink, mumbling against the rim of the glass as you spoke, “I must agree with the blonde guy. I found it rather charming.”

The triumphant grin that spread across Kaveh’s face irked Al-Haitham to his core, that part was obvious enough.

Al-Haitham leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, “This is unbelievable.”

“Names Kaveh, your future boyfriend.”

“Less charming but I appreciate the boldness. I don’t have room for a boyfriend right now,” You motion to the mounds of homework that decorated the table, “Maybe another time.”

Since that interesting encounter, you’ve been stuck with them. Through the thickness between the three of you, to even when Kaveh and Al-Haitham had their falling out.

You were never well of financially. So when a particular research project you were passionate about required personal funds, it landed you being roommates with the two that could barely stand each other.

Being a mutual friend of Al-Haitham and Kaveh was hard. Being a mutual roommate was harder.

It’s always chaotic, there is never a second of peace

9/10 you’re the mediator. 1/10 you’re the instigator

Kaveh and you will team up against Al-Haitham if he tries to say anything about your financial situation

“At least I have a job and pay the bills around here,”

“Yeah and if it weren’t for us, you’d be living like a slob!”

“Honestly, you’d look like a sewer rat if it weren’t for us,”

Cuddle sessions with Kaveh happen more often than not

Al-Haitham comes home late at night with you sprawled over his lap, drooling on a decorative pillow.

Kaveh’s head is thrown back on the couch cushion, mouth wide open and letting out the most ungodly noises

He’s annoyed by Kaveh’s presence alone and the fact you’re drooling all over everything, but that doesnt stop the smile appearing on his face

The two of them get into arguements all of the time. They never have a civil conversation. It’s concerning, truly, just how much they bicker over the dumbest things.

You try your hardest to help them calmly talk it out, but it just ends up with them both snapping at you.

When that does happen they will apologize the next day in their own way. Kaveh will cook you your favorite meal. Al-Haitham won’t apologize to you directly. He’ll go on a tangent about how you should “mind your own business” while wrapping his arm around you. That small act of affection is his apology.

Al-Haitham helps you with your homework if you need it, and Kaveh is your go-to person for emotional support

They both look out for you in their own way. Kaveh is a more gentle approach while Al-Haitham tells it like it is. And They have argued over which way is better.

Did I mention that they argue a lot?

Al-Haitham once walked in on you and Kaveh making out. He slammed the door shut, a flustered mess. As were the two of you.

He never saw the two of you the same way ever again

Ayato and Thoma

Much like Thoma, you were hired by the Kamisato clan to help upkeep the home. While Thoma mainly watched over Ayato, you mainly watched over Ayaka. Thoma was the first to show you around, to train you in what to do. His charming smile and caring personality immediately clicked with your own. During the time of the Vision Hunt Decree, you did not see much of Ayato. You heard his voice occasionally from down the hall or in his room. And you would catch glimpses of him in the common areas while following Ayaka. It wasn’t until after the Vision Hunt Decree was dispersed and Inazuma went back to a tyrant-free nation that you were finally able to hold a conversation with him.

He came up to you with a warm smile, Thoma following close behind.

“I must apologize for such a late introduction. I hope Thoma and my sister were able to keep you company during those trying times,” His tone was sweet, but you couldn’t help but feel intimidated by his presence. He looked almost regal, his hair perfectly styled and eyes sharp with intelligence.

“It’s nice to meet you, Lord Kamisato Ayato,” You internally cringed at how your voice shook with anxiety. Thoma offered a gentle smile, a smile that proved that he was the same way when he was taken in under the Kamisato clan. He understood the anxiety well. It wasn’t until later on working there that he realized there was no need for fear. Ayato was a normal man that was just forced to carry a title. That was proven true with his attitude around those in the residence.

“There is no need for formalities here, I assure you. I’ve heard much about you from Thoma and Ayaka. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, (Y/n).”

There were more moments between Ayato and you after that interaction. Your anxiety and formalities soon melted away, putting on a more casual attitude around him and Thoma.

Ayato always goes to you if he needs to relax and unwind from the stressful back-to-back meetings and demands. He finds your presence soothing.

Thoma will bring you your favorite foods and drinks when he notices you’re having a rough day. The staff around the estate can be…ignorant at times. He knows that well, and he doesn’t want you to feel down because of them. He will always find a way to cheer you up.

The shared estate between the three of you is always clean, and practically spotless. Between you and Thoma maintaining it, and Ayato never making a mess, it’s rarely ever a disaster.

Sometimes the atmosphere feels tense if Ayato is overly stressed. While he makes a point to never lash out at the two of you when he comes home you can still feel the tense atmosphere the moment he walks through the door.

Thoma implemented a mandatory game night every other Saturday. That way despite all of your busy schedules, you three still get to have time together. Don’t even think about missing it. You did so one time and he lectured you for three hours straight about the “importance of quality time.” You never missed one ever again.

Thoma got drunk once and kissed you. Ayato still has the photo for blackmail. Thoma apologized profusely the next morning. He didn’t remember you kissing him back.

Ayato will flirt with you anytime the two of you are alone. Cooking dinner? “Careful, it’s hot. Just like you.” Doing laundry? “Sometime’s I wish I could fold you as well.” Mopping the floors? “I see you like it wet as well.” He loves the way you react to it.

Ayato also got you into boba. Drinking it, making it, learning different recipes. Whenever he has time he’ll ask you if you want to make boba with him.

Arguments rarely ever happen. If there is a problem or concern, you will all sit down with snacks, and drinks, and talk it out in a civil manner.

When arguments happen it’s between you and Ayato. Usually, Ayato has a rare moment where the stress of the week peaks through, and he makes a comment towards you. Not necessarily nasty, more like passive-aggressive. Or his tone was laced with attitude. So you snap back at him and it goes back and forth. Thoma tries his best to calm the both of you down.

But even then it doesn’t get too serious. After a day or two when things have calmed down, you will both apologize and talk about it.

They are also super protective over you. If you want to go somewhere, Ayato asks Thoma to go with you. Which he will happily obey since he wants that reassurance that you’re safe. Not that they don’t believe you can’t defend yourself, but just because it gives them ease of mind.

Cyno and Tighnari

You met Tighnari before Cyno during your Akadaymia days. Coincidentally enough, the two of you had the same classes for an entire semester. In your Herbology class, he was even assigned to you as your lab partner. Meaning the two of you spent plenty of time after school together studying. Tighnari’s sarcasm was present even back then, and that only drew you to him more. Soon enough study sessions turned into hangout sessions. You would talk to him about whatever topic you had in mind and he would either respond intellectually, or just give you the sassiest sentence known to man. It never failed to make you laugh.

You did not know about Cyno till the mid-semester of your second year when Tighnari brought him up in conversation.

“There’s a new General Mahamantra on the rise,” His ears twitched mindlessly as he spoke, “Name is Cyno. I talked to him earlier today, nice guy but a little standoffish.” You watched him carefully while he spoke, pausing your writing.

“New General Mahamantra? They’ve been trying to fill that spot for months.”

“No kidding. I think he might have what it takes.”

After that conversation with Tighnari, you always Cyno down in the library by himself, head buried in a book that was along the topic of the Akadaymia’s rules and conditions.

‘Tighnari wasn’t kidding when he said this guy was standoffish,’ You thought while you gazed at him from your table in the library. You needed to do some last-minute studying for midterms. And you just so happen to be in the library at the same time as the most talked about man in the Akadaymia. His expression was stone cold, as cold as the ice that rains down in Snezhnaya. It was enough to send a chill down your spine. You haven’t realized that you zoned out staring at him till someone clears their throat.

You blink a few times to snap out of it. When you look up to see who it was, the color from your face drained. Your heart rate sped up and your skin heated up. Rather that was from fear or embarrassment, you were unsure. Perhaps both. There stood Cyno, that everlasting cold stare reflecting back at you.

“Uh- oh shit, sorry. I’m sorry. I zoned out,” You gave a nervous laugh, the grip around your pencil tightening. He stared longer. After what felt like an eternity of an awkward staring contest filled with silence, he spoke. He was soft-spoken, definitely not what you expected.

“What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?” He said, still no expression on his face. That was also not what you were expecting.

“...I’m sorry?”

“What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?”

“I…don’t know. What did it say?”

“Oh sheet,”

It was so bad that you didn’t know if you wanted to laugh or walk away. After another awkward staring contest of silence, he spoke once again. This time, a small smile graced his features.

“Get it? Because you use a sheet as a more comfortable alternative to just the mattress alone. You also put blankets on the bed. So, the joke is-“

Tighnari’s voice cut through the air, interrupting Cyno’s unnecessarily lengthy explanation, “Enough with the jokes! Stop trying to torture my friend here with them. They don’t need you filling their head with idiotic puns.”

“I was simply trying to clear the tension between us.”

“Start by dropping that seemingly permanent murder stare,” Tighnari scoffed out as he walked up to the two of you. From then on, it was no longer just you and Tighnari studying for the Akadaymia tests.

Even after graduation, and after Cyno achieved the General Mahamantra rank, you three were inseparable. You all thought it would be a good idea to live together to save money and to be closer to one another. Tighnari still thinks that was a mistake.

The jokes never stop. Cyno can stare at a household object and make a pun out of it, leaving you suppressing a laugh and Tighnari letting out a disappointed sigh.

The house is usually a disaster. The three of you all work demanding jobs, leaving no time to do housework. Although all of you tend to pitch in here and there if time allows.

Arguments are somewhat of a common thing to happen. Most of the time it’s playful bantering between one another. Sometimes it’s the stress of the month getting to everyone and it blows up like a suppressed bomb.

No matter how bad the arguments get there is always communication to talk it out when everyone has calmed down.

You and Cyno avoid Tighnari’s room between January and February.

Unless you want to help him out, go right ahead. Cyno might join you for fun.

The extent of your relationship with them certainly expands out more than just roommates. Some people suspect you’re all dating each other. You suspect that as well. The topic of your relationship is something you should talk about with them.

Cyno cooks most of the time, if not then it’s Tighnari.

Cyno also forces you to play TCG with him. He won’t stop annoying you till you play at least three rounds with him.

You’re banned from the kitchen after setting the water on fire.

Tighnari doesn’t even know how you managed to do that.

The two of them are extremely protective over you, Cyno slightly more so than Tighnari. That’s because he’s seen more of the malice that goes on in Sumeru. He knows what people are capable of, and he knows the extent they will go to fulfill their desires. Anytime you’re out and about Cyno will quietly follow you to make sure nothing happens.

Tighnari won’t go to the extent of following you. But he does stay guarded whenever you leave so he can go after you if something goes wrong.

They’re especially worried when you go out and conduct your research. Just because of other researchers that would kill to do what you’re doing and learning.

When you’re annoyed with their bickering, they’ll both kiss you on your cheek at the same time as an apology. Plus they like to see how flustered you get when it happens.

When they went away to Mondstadt for business, you threw a party at the house

Someone spilled their drink on Cyno’s TCG deck

He wasn’t happy about it

It took Tighnari to take him for a walk to calm down before he started raising hell

You were put on dish duty for a month, which was only fair

[anarchistfrogposting]

You mind elaborating on how to find and connect to our communities? Some of us are hermits and don't know how to do that stuff.

I think the best thing to do is to look online for projects in your local area that need volunteers. There are often community gardening projects, book exchanges, food banks or mutual aid funds that need extra hands. Doing this is praxis in itself, but you’re also really likely to meet folks on a similar political wavelength if you help for long enough, and they can often help you find interest groups/local parties/activist organisations that it might not be as easy to find in an online search.

If you don’t spend a lot of time outside (outside is scary, I get it), it can help to do small scale stuff with friends to dip your toes in the water a bit. The folks that are battle hardened, fervent activists have years of experience of small stuff like that under their belt. Some start in uni, some start as early as secondary school, some start when they’re aching and greying; some people have just always existed in closer proximity to those circles. The big thing is to pick a fight that matters to you right now and resolve to do something about it in your spare time.

[bfpnola]

image description under the cut

when i was 12, i was ambitious. a heart of gold, in the words of earth, wind & fire, i truly believed that nothing could stop me so long as i gave it my all. no obstacle was too large, no goal was too distant. now, at 20, my dreams are shattered in many ways. yet in many ways i am still grateful (and i am aware that i have so much left to live). i owe it to the family i have created to tell this complex truth over a neatly told lie:

for the nearly 8 years that better future program, inc. (bfp) has existed, i have run it almost entirely alone. each time that we gained momentum, it was as though the narrow visions of others dragged us right back to the depths of the void. and i was the one always left to pick up the pieces. you see, for nearly 8 years, i fought and cried, chased and fell, lived and died. but it was through my struggles that i made lifelong friends to kiss the very scars this organization has graced me with. i will always hold a place in my heart for the volunteers who showed up, who bleed alongside me as these words rip into our spirits.

you see, i am writing this because i am a changed person. called every name in the book right down to ngger whore*, something about my soul is hurting. my children and i, my wonderful children, have spent 8 years begging our white peers to care. it does something to you… to look into someone’s eyes, to say that you feel as though you could die, that the world has cursed you with this endless sense of urgency, and for them to only center their themselves whiteness in the end. even in the home we had created, we could not escape white supremacy. i refuse to sugarcoat just how heartbreaking a revelation this was. in the words of one of our truest and most gentle-hearted allies, internally, we had become parasitic, only existing to serve the needs and wants of our white members. and of course, we were disposable. when cycles of harm were disrupted, they left us without a single word of remorse.

my children and i, we are a broken people. torn from our homes, our hearts cracked open, we are a people whose throats are hoarse from screaming, who eyes flood like the mississippi river, whose soles are calloused from chasing after dreams (after humanization) across red-hot coal. we are burnt out.

so where does this leave us? what does any of this mean? crucial details highlighted below:

better future program, inc. (bfp) is changing. our nonprofit status will remain. but our volunteer positions will not. our liberation library will remain. but our discord server will not. we will no longer accept donations. our current funds will be redistributed through mutual aid networks. our 3,000 free resources will still be available. but our capacity for material change has truly been diminished. we hope to continue to provide marginalized youth with educational materials for as long as we possibly can. and so we will do so, for as long as we possibly can.

you see, my children and i, we are a resilient people. borne of slave ships and reservations, occupation and colonization, abuse and grief, we are survivors. our hands grasp one another’s tightly so that we may never lose each other in this world. we have held hands since before we ever even met. as we venture back out into our local communities, we will never stop being intentional in our relationships (in fact, we already have a new project in the works so that may stick together). better future program, inc. (bfp) has still given us so much. and for that we will always be grateful.

if you have any further questions, which i imagine you might, feel free reach out through info@betterfutureprogram.org, instagram (@bfpnola), or tumblr (@bfpnola), as these socials will remain available.

thank you so much for supporting us for as long as you have. it’s time we take a new path.

sincerely,

reaux (she/they)

founding executive director

[deedala]

💘weekly tag wednesday💘

love edition - thanks @heymacy for this weeks game and for tagging me!! &lt;3

name: deanna🌱

where the heck are ya? oHIo🌽

do you believe in love at first sight? in my fiction? yes. in reality? eeehhh...

do you believe in soulmates? like predestined one person for one person, not really. but i believe there are people out there you can make soulmate level connections with.

what’s a song you’ve been loving? im still on my guilty pleasure by chappell roan shit right now

how about a show you’ve been loving? ive been enjoying the show death and other details starring the loml rahul kohli

your ultimate OTP: i mean its gonna be ian and mickey huh

your comfort book: the masked empire by patrick weekes

a fan work you adore (fic, art, manip, etc — tag the creator!): i've been thinking about the incredible amount of detail and hard work and talent involved in these cookies made by @michellemisfit every single one of them is such ART. and so many different techniques used to create the right textures and the shiny decorative glass on the alibi?? i mean jesus michelle you were so insane for this. and two fics: a short one Flyboy and the Gearhead by @the-rat-wins which i read recently. im obsessed with the scifi world depicted in it and i loved the ian and mickey in it, they hurt me in the good way lol. And a long one you'll never see us again by @spoonfulstar which i read awhile ago but i still think about it on a regular basis, i maintain it permanently altered my brain chemistry. It's beautiful, its a work of art, it ripped my soul in two...but in the good way.

a trope that captures your heart: mutual pininnnggggg

favorite candy: is it andes chocolate mints?? yeah i think so.

dark chocolate or white chocolate? dark chocolate!

romance novels or thrillers? god i'd love it if theyre both at the same time but if i have to pick then romance.

pink or red? pink :>

and finally, spread some love! share words of encouragement, a positive message, or say something kind to yourself — it’s up to you! to me and everyone else: keep making the things that get stuck in your head and make your heart sing. you cant please everybody so first and foremost make sure you're enjoying what you're doing <3

and now i shall tag some precious nuggets to either play or not, but either way i am handing each of you a little valentine 💘💘💘@michellemisfit @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @mmmichyyy @heymrspatel @gallawitchxx @metalheadmickey @energievie @jrooc @mybrainismelted @mickeysgaymom @whatwouldmickeydo @the-rat-wins @creepkinginc @squirrel-fund @iansw0rld @rereadanon @sickness-health-all-that-shit @softmick @juliakayyy @crossmydna @themarchg1rl @lingy910y @thisdivorce @sleepyfacetoughguy @callivich @ardent-fox @vintagelacerosette @gardenerian @sam-loves-seb @lee-ow @transmickey @tanktopgallavich @palepinkgoat @suzy-queued

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

the more i think about it the more i realize i am literally so blessed and lucky in my current situation

i don't have to figure out where things are or how to get access to them because i was largely using the same resources in undergrad.

i already have familiar faces around the college of engineering because i took these professors' classes in undergrad and my former TAs are now my graduate school colleagues. even my labmate used to be my TA for two classes.

my undergraduate research lab has a fairly known name attached to it and the methods i learned there are translatable and in the severe off chance i need to ask my old PI about something he's right there. (he wasn't too great at mentoring but at the very least we didn't part ways enemies so i think if ever i need his help with something i can approach him.)

there's mutual respect between me and my advisor and she has an established record of success with mentoring students, pretty secure funding (at least compared to other engineering labs i've heard about), and understands the need for balance and respecting boundaries.

i have a network of science people outside of the engineering school, either because of my job and being a familiar face around the physics building or from my conversations with my sectionmate in orchestra and his wife or from ate dean. and at least with the last two they already made it clear that i can turn to them if ever i need advice or want to talk about graduate school.

i have several pre-established hobbies outside of the field, but i have one particular hobby that is kind of required to be done with other people, so i basically have a completely non-field related social group.

i have two pre-established elder mentor figures way outside of my field, one of whom i see infrequently but is supportive from afar, but the other i see and communicate with on a near-daily basis during the school year, so i already know who else i can turn to.

i picked my research group not necessarily for the thrust, though i made sure to pick one where my knowledge and experience with noble metal nanoparticles would have a little bit of transfer, but for the impression of the PI i received from my interactions with them as well as the prior experience of my peers who worked with them in undergrad. and that hunch was right, i really feel like i am being supported and the extent of that support helps to motivate me to bring forth my best effort.

also i'm being paid, a lot more than i was expecting. which is great

[ill-say-anything-i-hafta]

The Lower Manhattan Boys (and Spot Conlon) Tell You How They Make Extra Money In the Winter

1. Thievin'

Jack: I will pick a pocket if the opportunity presents itself, but the church collection boxes is easiest, especially at this time of year.

Racetrack: That's a big risk Jack. They's always gonna be lookin' closer at a guy like you. it's just another form of gamblin', really.

Jack: Hey, you stay out of this, pal. You sound like Dave. And it ain't as if Ise stealin' stuff away from the intended recipients. Them funds is supposed to be for the poor and needy, right? Ain't we poor?

Racetrack: You want another card, or is we gonna sit here jawin' all night?

Jack: I fold.

2. Shovelin' walkways

Buttons: We charges two cents to do the stretch of sidewalk in front of your shop or your home, plus an extra penny if you wants your stoop cleared. Railings is free. And we gives a discount if you is old and feeble.

Romeo: Or if you is pretty.

Buttons: We do Jacobi's and the theater for free.

Jojo: But we charges extra if you looks like you can afford it. Miss Katherine taught us this is called bein' an entrepreneur.

Buttons: Hey, dummy, speak for yourself. I don't need no girl to teach me big words. In fact, I already knowed that one.

Jojo: Well I ain't needed to know it to do it. Ise a natural.

3. Encouragin' tips

Crutchie: I gets around all right, generally. Don't let no one tell you different. But ice and snow on cobblestones ain't no picnic for me. And damp weather like this, the leg won't hardly give me no peace. I miss a lot of sellin' days. But I got a compensatory seasonal advantage. Here's what I do: I fumble with the change. More often than not, by the time I gets the coins out of my pocket, they don't even want 'em.

Les: So what? I do that every single day of the year. It doesn't always work, but it can't hurt, right?

Crutchie: Youse real cute, Les. But let's just say someone like me gets more tips in December.

Les: Why?

Crutchie: Look. It ain't my fault some fella wrote a Christmas story about a kid with a crutch. It ain't my fault if i puts folks in mind of that kid. I didn't ask for it.

Les: But you're Jewish, like us. Aren't you?

Crutchie: Shh! Who told you that?

Les: Specs.

Crutchie: Well, keep it under your hat. There's money on the line.

4. Totin' packages and similar errends

Elmer: I'se the only who makes money this way because no one in their right mind would trust most of these boys. But I got a innocent face. And luckily for my regulars, I got a honest disposition to go along with it.

5. Soakin' Midtown kids

Albert: Complain all you like about the short, dark days of winter, but there is some things I happen to like about this time of year. The sight of a wreath of greenery and berries hangin' on someone's door. Hot chestnuts from a cart. The cheery fellow-feeling that is in evidence everywhere you -- hey, ain't that Lefty Petrovitch? What's he doin' south of Fourteenth Street?

Spot: [Cracking her knuckles] Let's get him!

Albert: I appreciate your help, Spot.

Spot: It is my personal pleasure, Al. In fact, this is one of my favorite pastimes of the Christmas season because not only is I doin' you a good turn, but we might also make a tidy profit besides, depenin' on how good he was sellin'.

Albert: Just 'cause we all got a union together don't mean kids should get away with floutin' mutually agreed-upon territorial boundaries.

Spot: Yeah!

Albert: Remind me, why does Race get to sell way across the bridge at Sheepshead?

Spot: [Cracking her knuckles again] I often find myself ponderin' that self-same question.

FIN.

[heymeowmao]

2024.05.28 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325039099747893642

[WB has AI highlights now?]

bgm: 未完待续 (To Be Continued) (Honor of Kings - Story of Hai Nuo and Doria) by Liu Yuning x Shan Yichun

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening! Welcome!

C: If I had known you were going to stream I would have prepared some snacks. LYN: I think you’re just a foodie. You still have time to order takeout now. Order something. C: Will you reimburse? LYN: I started streaming, to keep you company, and I still have to treat you to snacks (duck: neck, tongue, intestines)?? What about some soybean skin and fish tofu, while we’re at it? I can’t believe snacks were part of my job, too. This customer service… you really know how to chase stars. LYN: I think you should ask for these funds from wb, not from me. Because you’re currently using wb’s software, so see if you can contact them and if they’ll reimburse you for your snacks.

C: I was halfway through a game of HoK and then came here. LYN: You play your game. Finish the round, before you get reported by the other players for going AFK. It’s not worth it.

LYN: I know it’s Tuesday and pretty sudden- I’m sure none of you thought I would stream today, because I didn’t even know myself. Isn’t that mysterious? I didn’t even think I would stream today. I was filming and then the director told us that we would not be filming the night scenes that were scheduled for later in the day. What does that mean? It means the crew made itself a villain and dumped the night scenes. We’re pushing them back to a later time. It rained in Hengdian last night and we weren’t able to complete yesterday’s scenes, either. Since I’ve been filming nonstop lately and spent a lot of sleepless nights, they wanted me to be able to get a good rest tonight. They were thinking if they let me go early I could eat a nice meal and have a good night’s sleep. Little did they know… I am not resting, and have even come to stream. If they find out that I’m streaming right now, they’re going to think I’m unprofessional. LYN: They gave me a break so that I could get a good sleep and maintain my condition so that tomorrow I could pick up with the grueling- I mean- continue working hard. But I picked up a different job instead. C: Chatting with us IS resting. LYN: Of course. It’s not “resting” but it definitely is “relaxing”. To me, streaming is relaxing. Because I always used to just banter with with my fans. We would mutually roast each other. But now as time has passed and we’ve spent more time in this industry, and- how should I put this…?- experienced the worst of this industry, I’ve finally learned how to control myself just a bit. When we used to roast each other- I say that, but we’re all just joking- I thought it was a fun way to communicate. But now, I don’t dare to be as relaxed as I used to.

bgm: 唯一的回答 (No Matter) - Men in Love OST

LYN: I didn’t think I would be streaming today, but I was released from work early and I don’t know the next time that will ever happen again. The month is almost over- it’s about time for me to stream. C: I was thinking you weren’t going to stream this month. LYN: Me too. I didn’t know this would happen, either. But now that I have the chance, I just want to be able to keep myself busy. Cheers~

C: Chat about KSTLB. LYN: I will. I’ll defnitely talk about the things you want to know. You know that I don’t make any preparations or have any sort of agenda for my streams. Sometimes my colleagues will ask me, “Ning-ge, usually when you stream do you make any preparations or anything?” and I tell them I don’t. A lot of the times what I say is based on whatever you’re typing into the chat. I told them that the joy of streaming is the mutual communication and participation. We can discuss things in real time. If you prepare things in advance and just come here planning to perform, then your stream would not necessarily even be as entertaining as watching a variety show instead. Variety shows have editing; MVs and stage performances require a lot of preparations. Of course a livestream wouldn’t be as entertaining as that. LYN: That’s why, when I stream it’s more loosely flowing. I see what you’re saying in the chat, so that’s what I talk to you about. Of course, that also means I suffer some losses. But it’s okay. I am constantly learning about how to stream, even though I’ve been doing it for about 10 years now. I started in 2014 and now it’s 2024. I’ve been streaming for ten years now and I’m still learning. Truly embodying that saying, “Live until you’re old and learn until you’re old.” You still have to learn. So, I am always learning how to stream. 

LYN: Someone said LYX-laoshi is watching my stream? He’s probably busy and doesn’t have much time to actually WATCH my streams like you do. I’m guessing he scrolled across a clip and thought I was pretty insane- since I’m just spewing nonsense most of the time- and thought I was interesting. It’s nice to be able to have some colleagues in this industry also watch my stream, and I’m happy and honored to be to their liking.

C: I want to see your eyes. LYN: Friends, it’s like this- yesterday I went to get my double eyelids done. My eyes haven’t recovered enough, so I’m wearing these shades to stream. Please don’t mind it, okay? I’ll show you when they’re done healing. People always say that my eyes are small, so I went to get eyelid surgery yesterday.

[t/n: he has the li shiliu eye makeup onnn] C: I don’t mind. I want to see them today. LYN: Oh, how high and mighty! “I don’t mind”?? I don’t care if you do. What can you even do if you DO mind?? “I don’t mind. I want to see them today.” There are a lot of things that you want to see (but never will). First of all, you’re being a little demanding, forcing people to do your bidding. Secondly, if I take off my shades, all you’re going to see id blood and scarring! The blade yesrerday went a little rough, so my eyes are bloody. I’ll scare you to death! C: Which shop’s skills are so lacking? LYN: LOL. Are you going to go report them for me?? Why would you even ask? It’s like this- since I sort of count as a public figure, I can’t just go to the big names and get surgery, because what if someone sees me there and exposes me? They’ll say “LYN went to get cosmetic surgery. He realized his visuals are lacking so he went to get work done.” If that gets exposed it’d be really shameful. So I found a small shop and had the work done. I should still have found a more reputable place…

C: Ning-ge! Have a drink. After you do, your streaming condition will be even better! LYN: … LYN: You think too much. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking. All the little thoughts in your head- do you think I don’t understand them? You saw me have a glass of champagne at the Pomellato event and flush all the way down to my neck. You want to make me drunk, then make me cry. Let go of all my sins. (song lyrics) You want to make me drunk, so that I’m more open and a little bit more deranged? LYN: ! It could be this, too: last time I went to the event, as I was walking I undid a button. Maybe you thought I would lose my caution. “So, it turns out that after Ning-ge drinks, he starts undoing buttons!” That’s why you wanted me to drink a glass, so that I would start undoing buttons. But whether I drink or not, I still can’t undo my buttons!! LYN: What the heck?! /took off the shades/ Drinking- I- LYN: I undid the button because of the clothes- it was a little tight. It’s summer and even though there was air conditioning, after making myself busy and a glass of wine, I got hot. After the event ended I undid a button to save myself from being uncomfortable. I know what you’re thinking! You think I don’t understand??

C: Where’s the blood (about his eyes)? LYN: It’s bleeding isn’t it. Look at all the blood. /touches the makeup/ C: They didn’t do a good job with it. I can’t see a difference. LYN: /laughs/ First, I already told you, it was a small shop with average skills. Secondly, as an artist- maybe I didn’t know before, but now that I’m in this industry I can share some secrets- if you want to get any work done as an artist, it has to be subtle. If you go too big, you’re just asking to be ridiculed online. Even IF I were to get double eyelid surgery, I wouldn’t do the whole thing in one sitting. I’d do it 4-5 times, just a few mm each time. That way there’s a slow change and you can’t really tell. That’s an industry rule. Subtle change.  - C: Didn’t you get double eyelid surgery? I can’t really tell. Did you really do it? LYN: I was talking about my bellybutton*, not my eyelids. [肚脐眼 - “eye’ of the belly] LYN: Just listen for entertainment!! I can’t believe you’re actually considering it. I can’t stand you.

C: Ning-ge, your accent’s a little heavy. LYN: My accent is heavy…? You must not have seen me in too long. It’s my fault, for not streaming. I CAN speak Standard Mandarin, though. LYN: It’s been a long time since I’ve streamed, and usually when I do I use my hometown dialect to make it a more relaxed setting. Maybe the most you’ve seen of me these days is clips from my dramas, and that’s why you think my accent is heavier?

----- Drama - SJYM

C: How did your cameo in SJYM go? LYN: My cameo went fine. Remember- I went to cameo for them. And I also discussed with the producers- “I’ll come to cameo for you, and I don’t particularly care about the name ranking. Just put me at the end, and credit me as, “Supporting actor who shows his face a lot.”” I’m only here to cameo. Friends- in SJYM, I’m really only there to help (in the bg). As long as they credit me as “cameo actor who shows his face a lot: liu yuning” it’s enough for me.

C: Your hoodie is so big! LYN: This isn’t a hoodie, it’s a hat. (song lyrics) Hello, I have a hoodie. (你好, 我有一个帽衫)

C: Was the SJYM armor heavy? LYN: No? It was okay. It was armor, yes, but it wasn’t very heavy. It was hot, though. The weather actually wasn’t that hot yet, but every time they put it on me I would start sweating buckets. It was okay, though. I was thinking, and even asked my staff, “What dramas was I shooting summer of last year??” But thinking back in past years I was shooting the modern dramas in the summer. So in the past two years this is the most recent guzhuang that I’ve shot in the summer at Hengdian. Last year I was shooting um… /can’t remember/. In any case I was never shooting a guzhuang at the hottest time of the year. Cicada Girls and BYOL. This year the heat’s getting to me.

C: Speak English. LYN: How do I know how to speak English?? My English is really bad. 

C: Ning-ge, the sound of the music is too loud. LYN: Oh. Excuse me. I’ll turn it down. // I’ll turn the sound of the mic up and come to a nice equilibrium. 

C: You won’t die in SJYM, will you? LYN: Undetermined. We’ll see how well I get along with the crew as time goes on. If we don’t get along, they’ll make me die. If we do get along, they’ll spare my measly life. C: You can never act as a living person. LYN: Yeah, I’m about ready to start acting in ghost movies. I’ll start acting in horror movies. Out of all the guzhuang dramas I’ve done, for the most part I’ve died in all of them. But of course, it’s because I was acting in supporting roles a lot more before. Who cares if a side character dies? I didn’t feel down about it, because I figured that since I was a support character it didn’t matter too much if I died or not as long as it didn’t delay the main storyline. But then one day I came to act as the main lead- and I still died. Maybe that’s just my fate. 😬

C: Will Li Shiliu take off his mask? LYN: Don’t ask. I haven’t dared to eat much lately. I can’t even eat. I don’t dare to eat any sweets. I’m afraid that I’d get fat. My meal control for this drama has been crazy. In a day, at most I eat two meals and at the least one. What happens if I get hungry? I’ll eat a spring onion with sauce. Maybe some tofu skin or sliced peppers. I don’t dare to gain weight. Why? When I first accepted this drama, I knew that this character would be wearing a mask and I was terrified. Because for anyone who wears a mask, there will definitely be a close-up shot of that mask coming off. LYN: Friends- /sigh/ You get it, right? As long as you wear a mask- it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, old or young, there will be a shot of that mask coming off. We were shooting and one day I came to the realization, “Are we finally shooting the unmasking scene?” The crew confirmed that yes, the mask would be coming off in the next few scenes. Oh no. Here comes the pressure. I immediately went to my car and grabbed the guasha to scrape my face. I needed to get this blood point in the back, to reduce swelling. I gulped half a cup of coffee. Then I called the makeup artist over and asked them to please touch-up the eye makeup, cover my wrinkles, and draw a slightly longer eyeline so my eyes look bigger. I was flustered. LYN: But to my understanding of this drama, this will not be the only scene where I take off the mask. /sigh/ It’s coming for my life. 

LYN: I only went to “cameo” and I’m already being cursed to death. I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m only cameoing in SJYM, and people are so up in arms about it, but I don’t think it’s worth it to be.

C: Will SJYM be real-time sound? LYN: It should be, but we’ll probably also do a little voiceover after editing. A lot of dramas nowadays cannot accomplish a 100% real-time sound, because the filming conditions are limited. It’s not a closed set, available to just your own people. Sometimes you’ll be recording in one room and there’ll be construction in the next room over. Not actual construction, but because lots of different dramas use the same set, so each crew needs to move and set things how they’re going to use it. It can never be 100% real sound- we use what we can then make up for what we can’t in post. That’s the first thing. Real-time sound has strict requirements for set conditions. Having about 80-90% is already very amazing. For the rest of it, we’ll go into the studio in post to make up for it. Even after all the scenes are shot, there’s still editing, and then there’s going through the censors. After the censors, we receive the drama back with what should be changed. Eventually there are going to be parts that need to be done over in the studio. 

C: Has Daimi acted? LYN: I haven’t and I won’t let her. Not to say that as her acting manager, I am limiting her development. For this artist, I help out as much as I can. For example when I was on KSTLB, I put her pictures up on my wall as a chance for exposure. But I won’t let her act. Because it’s actually really hard for a small dog on a drama set. I won’t let her suffer through that. I’m being serious. It’s really tough for a small dog on set. 

----- KSTLB

C: Ning-ge, why do you have a secret identity in every episode of KSTLB? LYN: You’re right. How many eps have aired, now? Four? I was detective/x for 3 and murderer for 1. “X” for three times in a row- I was truly dumbfounded. You know the feeling- knowing who the murderer is, right from the start? In any case, my game experience the first three episodes sucked. But I was happy! As I said, it’s a sweet burden. A TMD burden. Sweet (tian mi de - 甜蜜的). [t/n: you sure you don’t mean Damned (ta ma de - 他妈的)??? XD]

LYN: I think the show arranged for me to be detective in the first three eps because- I functioned as a way to set an example of how to play the game. They arranged for me and the old players to be detectives, because since there are new players, they wanted us to show the process. It shows the trust they had in me. At least that’s what I think. They wanted me to be able to show the process, because we (LYN/ ZKY/BY) had been in the first season, so we had more experience. Later the new players are the detectives. It’s their problem. Maybe I’m a bit more reliable? That’s what /I/ think. It’s what I tell myself when I’m lying on my bed thinking complicated thoughts- to comfort myself. 

LYN: There were a couple episodes where I wasn’t in the best condition, too. You can tell which they are by how little I talk in them. If I went to record when I was tired, my brain didn’t have enough time to process. Sometimes I had off days.

LYN: A lot of people like to take the scene where I am scared out of my wits to make fun of me. Some of you might be thinking, “Ning-ge, you’re so tall. Why are you so afraid when the lights go out? Is it worth it?? What’s wrong with you, a 30+ year old man??!” “You’re almost 40, how can you be so afraid of the dark??” It’s like this, friends- there’s a problem with my eyes. First of all, they’re small. That means that my ability to absorb light is a bit weaker than the average person. I also have astigmatism. My eyes are bad- I have astigmatism. Secondly, I can’t see very well at night. It makes me dizzy. When the lights go out I really can’t see anything at all. Some people have the ability to absorb light better, and at least they can make out the barest outlines of things. But I can’t see ANYTHING when the lights go out. It’s KNOWING that your eyes are open but not being able to see- the uncertainty of it that terrifies me. Also, I need to be grabbing something before I feel safe. I’m terrified of someone suddenly popping up and touching me. I’d lose my soul. My soul would just leave my body and disperse. That’s what terrifies me the most. LYN: I’m not afraid of ghosts- I know that there isn’t anything scare in this program. I’m just afraid of the jump-scare. For example, if we’re all quiet… and then someone suddenly yells. That scares me. The sudden fright of it. 

C: Ning-ge, if you’re afraid of the dark, don’t tell me you leave a light on when you sleep at night? LYN: /laughs/ I’m not that afraid, because it’s MY HOUSE. I have a sense of security there. It’s not like I’m sleeping on the streets! If I were sleeping on the street, I’d definitely be afraid. At home, with the doors locked, I’m safe and I know that no one is going to suddenly pat me on the shoulder. LYN: What are you talking about??? In your case I wouldn’t even be able to sleep because once I close my eyes it’s dark and I’d be afraid. You must be crazy.

----- Concert

C: My piggybanks are already full. When are you holding your concert? LYN: Soon. Don’t shatter* your piggybank just yet. Keep it for now. When my concert opens, you can smash it open then and start buying your tickets. [t/n: they way he said “shatter/break to pieces” (摔碎), reminded me of when he said it as Xiazi and LYH laughed at the heavy accent.] - C: Hello. I’m a new fan. LYN: Mn. Welcome.  - C: I won’t be able to get any tickets! LYN: I’m not as popular as you think I am! Don’t worry, you will definitely be able to get one. It may not be the seat that you want- those who are better off might want something in the front row and they might face some competition- but if you buy something in the very back row, you should be able to get it. You’ll be able to get something, don’t worry. C: Ning-ge, you’re super popular! You just don’t know it. LYN: 去你的! I’m not-

LYN: This season of KSTLB is a totally new gameplay. I had a lot of fun recording and I hope you’re having fun watching it. I’ll also skim through the show and check out the comments. Everyone is pretty interesting and we made a good group. I think Thursday is the ep where Jin Jing comes (E5).

LYN: The previous concert tour was in 2019, or 2018 right? I forgot. 2019, right? And the last stop was Wuhan- all the tickets were sold. I’ve been thinking about this. Because I was supposed to hold my last stop there, but then because of the pandemic it was postponed. I didn’t hold the concert, but the tickets were already sold. I had told you at the time that you could ask for a refund and we would give it to you, but up until this day I don’t think anyone has. Of course, it made me happy to know that you didn’t want to refund it. But- because it’s been 4-5 years since then, is there anyone out there who forgot to get their refund, or have since stopped being my fan? Is there anyone out there like that? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone posting about having a ticket and wanting to sell it. LYN: I just want to ask- how many of you watching right now have tickets for the Wuhan stop that never happened, that you didn’t get a refund for? Are any of you here? If you are, press “1”.  I want to see how many of you there are. I’m just worried about people who have a ticket but stopped being my fan, and don’t care about the money they had spent. If they wanted to, they could have.

LYN: If I’m going to hold another concert tour, I will definitely make up for that stop. I owe you one. I was thinking I would do one day for makeup, plus an additional day. Two stops in Wuhan. IF I hold it, that’s how I want it to go. LYN: I was just thinking about it, is all. Honestly, there aren’t any plans set because my filming schedule is a bit much and I don’t want to think much about what comes after. I was just thinking about whether I should accept another drama for after SJYM or not. If I don’t, then I would hold my concert. If I do, then I’d probably… not hold it this year. I don’t know becauseI haven’t set anything yet, so that’s why I don’t want to make any promises. LYN: If I accept another drama for the latter half of the year, then I will definitely hold my concert next year. This year is already half gone, so I’d hold the concert next year. If I don’t accept another drama… I don’t know what my condition will be like. But since I haven’t taken a break from filming, I could probably use some rest and get ready for the tour. 

C: Lao-da, your dramas waiting to be aired is a little advanced. LYN: See? Other than the 90% of you who are visual-fans /laughs/, I still have some career-fans. They hope that my career continues it’s upwards growth. “Ning-ge, your waitlisted dramas are in trouble, because you’re running out of stock.” /sigh/ It’s true there aren’t many left. Including the one I’m currently filming, I only have four. LYN: You don’t need to worry, because I have my own plans. I’ll see when the time comes, as nothing is set. C: I used to be a career-fan. LYN: Don’t worry about it. My career- I’m well aware of it. I don’t know about other people, but I don’t need you to push me on it. Maybe some people need it, and you were here planning to supervise my work like, “Ning-ge, instead of doing nothing at home, wouldn’t it be better for you to find a job or event to do?? You’re not accepting dramas. You’re not releasing albums.” etc. They’re worried for me, but I really don’t need it. LYN: If I go three days without work- whether that’s recording, or filming, or meetings/anything related to work- I get anxious. I’m guessing I would probably stream for three days straight instead. “I won’t have any work for three days, I should stream!” I’m that type of person. So, you don’t have to worry for me and be concerned that I’m not accepting jobs. You don’t need to do that. I’m a little intense. 

LYN: As long as it doesn’t kill me, I will work until I die. LYN: But I’m not trying to brag about how hard I work by saying that! I just… I’m afraid of not having work. It’s that simple. I’m not working hard, and it doesn’t have to do with how much hard work I’m doing. I’m just afraid of not having work, afraid that this industry won’t need me anymore. Even though it doesn’t need me very much right now, either.

----- Misc

C: Please wish me success on my gaokao. LYN: Okay, I saw your message. I want to tell everyone who will soon take the gaokao to work hard, don’t be nervous, and I hope you get good scores. Jiayou!

C: Ning-ge, I’m celebrating my birthday today. LYN: I’d also like to wish you a Happy Birthday, and hope that everything goes smoothly in the next year of your life. I hope your work is smooth, your learning is smooth, and everything goes by without a hitch. I hope that you are successful at whatever you are striving towards.

C: Lao-da, why are your eyes a little red? LYN: I just cried. I- No, forget it. Let me change a reason. I opened up the corners of my eyes a little (with surgery).

LYN: Of course, I wish all of you happiness.

C: I want to hear 奉上. LYN: I don’t know what my condition is like today. I’m not sure I can sing it well. But I can try. - /making noises/ LYN: I’m testing the sound. I don’t mean anything by it. LYN: I feel like I haven’t sung in a long time. - /turns on a effect that immediately zooms in on his face/ LYN: You don’t need to do that. It’s so big. (his face) -- 奉上 (Offer) - A Journey to Love OST LYN: I haven’t adjusted my mic in a long time, so I’m not sure how that sounded. / What’s wrong with the track? C: The bg music was super loud. LYN: Oh, sorry!

LYN: Every time I finish singing a song, there’s someone in the chat who says, “Old but still vigorous.” /sigh/ Because I’ve been acting lately, the fact that I’m even able to still sing means that I’m “old but vigorous”, is that it? I’ll pretend you mean that in a good way.

C: Sun Lang is here. LYN: Li Huan is here? Welcome! If I were streaming from my phone, I would have asked to connect but I’m streaming from my computer today. I can’t do it on my computer. The next time I stream using my phone, Huan, if you come we should connect and chat. 

bgm: 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, it’s about time to cut your hair. LYN: What do you care?! I’m shooting a drama and I don’t really have time or occasion to go out and get my hair cut. And I… don’t really dare to go out around Hengdian to get it cut. XD No- I have someone I go to, to get my hair cut. When I go to Beijing or Shanghai- I have hairdressers that I know. If I say it that way, it’s okay right? There are stylists I’m more familiar with, and when I have time I’ll get them to cut it. But for now, I’ll just leave it.C: The sound of the mic is very small. LYN: Is it really that bad?? /troubleshooting/ Is there no change? /sigh/ Sorry. - /continues trying to adjust the settings/ C: When the background music is on, the speaking sound is too little. // There’s no change. LYN: Oh, the background music is too loud? It should be fine now, right? Is the sound loud enough?? It should be good now, right? / Ok, I got it. The bgm was too loud. LYN: Maybe that’s the atmosphere I wanted to create- like you’re in a bar. I just want the music to flood your ears. Here, even though you’re watching a stream, I want you to feel like you’re clubbing. Let me find some music, so you can feel it properly. - /picks a song he calls “off-putting” to start/ - /the next song he looks like he’s in pain??/ LYN: OMG. I haven’t been out in a long time, does it all sound like this? I don’t feel like this is clubbing music. This is like those scooters with speakers on the back of it. There are all sorts of lights and leds on it, and a speaker on the back. This is the type of music that would play on those things. I’m not trying to say that I’m high maintenance or anything, but I don’t think I can accept this type of music. - /plays a new one - Mike Candys - Aliens/ LYN: This one is starting off okay, with the English from the start. // This one’s okay! - /clubbing/ C: I can’t hear you talking. LYN: I’m not talking, though?!

C: What about the lights? LYN: My normal streaming isn’t enough anymore, and now I have to arrange a flashing disco ball too? So that you can get hyped up? Sorry- I can’t do it. I can’t help you with that. - C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #33. LYN: It’s for something good, right? Is it something positive or is someone making fun of me? Which is it? … What’s the topic? “LYN Livestream”? Oh, then that’s okay. - LYN: I just hope to make a stream with the right mood. I think that no matter what you’re doing, that atmosphere is the most important. Think about it- why is it that when you’re watching dramas and the two leads are about to kiss that there’s the mood for it in the scene? It’s because of all the lights and the filters that work together to make the scene, right? If you see two people kissing on the street, will you feel like you’re watching two leads in a drama? No. That’s why- everything needs that atmosphere/mood. 

LYN: What happened, the sound is small again? /adjusting/ I know. It should be fine now. I just forgot to adjust one of the settings. If it’s still small… I’ll take off my head and give it to you. I’m that confident.

bgm: 잘자요 아가씨 (晚安大小姐) - ASMRZ

C: The sound of the music is loud. LYN: It’s still loud? I saw someone type earlier that if you’re listening with headphones, there’s no problem. If that’s the case, why don’t you grab a pair? I’ve already adjusted things to their limit. Can you grab pair of headphones? So we don’t… keep wronging ourselves. // Is the sound still low? I really don’t believe you. I’m going to go into my own stream to check it out. I don’t know what’s wrong. How can it be like this? There’s no way. LYN: Is it okay? I think it should be. You can blame me for earlier. I rather think it’s too loud, so I’ll adjust it lower. It’s okay now. There’s no problem. Let me save these settings, as long as you think it’s comfortable to listen to. That way next time I won’t have to mess with it again. [t/n: the L-R balance is off… >.>] - /more complaints from the chat, driving him crazy/ LYN: Is it okay now? Is there no end to this?? I’ve totally lost my streaming condition. I’ll stop streaming. Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight, ladies. Lao-mei, it’s time to go to sleep. C: Our ears are the problem. LYN: No, it has nothing to do with you; you don’t need to make it your problem. It IS my problem. I had reset the system, because my streams would lag before.

C: 光束一夜黑. LYN: 黑夜一束光, lao-mei!! A lot of people know this song from the variety show, but they don’t know what the original sounds like. I’ll sing it for you- 光束一夜黑. -- 黑夜一束光 (Praying) LYN: Forget it. Because I can’t be sure of how you’re hearing it, so I don’t really dare to sing. C: The sound is low. LYN: See? It’s low again. Whatever. Listen for entertainment. I won’t keep messing with it, since this equipment sensitive.

----- break #1 bgm: 落了白 (Falling White) - Jiang Xue’er

C: The speaking volume is too low. LYN: Are you going to keep on with this?? Is it low? It shouldn’t be. I’m sure it’s not. If it’s still low, it’s your problem. C: Whenever you sing, it goes low. LYN: I can hear the white noise so loudly, and you think the volume’s low?? That’s a little strange…I don’t know… /clicking/  which settings…/clicking/ It shouldn’t be low now. It’s just right. C: I’m not using the headphones because the sound’s too loud. LYN: /laughing/ What should we do with this?? LYN: /deep sigh/ Whatever, it is what it is. As long as you can hear me speaking, it’s fine. For singing, I’ll have to come here earlier on another day and fix the settings properly. As long as you can hear me fine when chatting, it doesn’t matter. Once all this equipment is out of sync, then my whole streaming mood is gone. It’s okay as long as you can hear clearly. I need to fix the settings; for now I just won’t sing.

C: Talk about TXJ. LYN: The climax is over. The time to talk about it has passed. In any case, I died again. It’s quite good.

C: Ning-ge, can you wish me luck on the gaokao? LYN: About hald an hour ago, I already did. When the stream is over you can watch the playback. That part where I wished everyone success on their gaokao- that part was for you. Okay?

C: Watching Zhuo Bufan made me cry. LYN: Yes, he does have a sad ending. I also felt emotional, watching it myself. That drama, including this year, was filmed about three years ago. At the time my biggest challenge was doing fight scenes. He fights too much and for no reason! As soon as two people meet, they start fighting. They want to spar for no reason. Every time I go into a new crew, I come out learning something. With that drama my biggest improvement was in how to do fight scenes. 

C: You’re trending at # 8. LYN: ?? /checking/ LYN: /sigh/ LYN: I think you must be mistaken. The #8 I’m seeing is “Elder Princess and Second Prince _ The Crazies Meet” [Joy of Life topic] The Second Prince… Liu Duanduan, right? I’m Liu Yuning. You were mistaken. Yes, we are both named “Liu”. - /explaining the sub-categories in the “Trending” tab/ LYN: I’m trending at #40. You can’t even figure out how to work weibo?? In your “my trending” tab, I’m at #8? That means that I must be ranked #8 in your heart, too. “My trending” filters it down to only people or things that you follow. C: Ning-ge, in my trending topics you’re at #1. LYN: For that person earlier, I was #8. Who are the first seven artists? I want their names! LYN: You must have climbed the wall in (came from another fandom).

C: Ning-ge, when will the KSTLB all-cast air? LYN: Who released that news? I don’t think there will be a livestream, I haven’t heard anything of it. What stream? There isn’t one, right? I don’t know- no one has told me.

C: Ning-ge, you’re #18 on my list. LYN: … Get out. I know there aren’t many people here to begin with, but we will not miss you. When I open the doors to do business, I hope all those who come are kind, and not here to wreck shop. For example, if I had a restaurant and I just delivered your dish to you, and you say, “Chef, your dish isn’t that great.” I would be thinking, “Then don’t eat. Leave.”

C: Can you wish me luck on my finals? LYN: Sure. I wish you luck on your finals. I hope everything goes well for you and for those taking the college entrance exam. I hope you get into your ideal school and location. I’m sure you will succeed. Jiayou. You can do it. 

C: Ning-ge, I’ve been chasing you for four years, now. Could you look back at me? LYN: /literally looks behind him/ LYN: Where are you? LYN: /looks over his other shoulder/ LYN: You’re not there… C: Lift your head and look at me. LYN: /laughs/ 

LYN: Wang Youshuo is here? Welcome, welcome! Let me introduce him- WYS. He’s an actor I am working with on this drama and he’s great. I’m happy to have him. Welcome! LYN: Next time, I really should use my phone to stream. When I do, some of my friends will come. Even if they don’t want to be on stream, I can force them to come and exchange a few words and chat. Force them a little bit. But I can’t do it on my computer. :(

C: Ning-ge, I’m a student-fan. I’m doing my homework. LYN: Focus on your homework. A lot of people use my stream as background noise; you can just leave me to the side. Work on whatever you need to, and just leave your phone playing. Do your homework. Work comes first. If you want to chat about anything, you can type it into the comments and we’ll chat. I’ve got nothing else going on today, so I’ll stay and chat. 

C: Gossip, gossip, gossip! LYN: I asked about what you wanted to talk about, and you say, “gossip”?? They’re going crazy. Can you see them in the chat, spamming “gossip”? You must think that since I’m an insider, I know a lot of things, right? You want to ask me about other artist’s secrets? Even my own secrets? Is that what you mean? You want me to publicly (on stream) engage in gossip. You must be crazy. Have you gone crazy or have I? LYN: But, in this industry it’s true that you will come to know about a lot of things. Including which dramas will be airing, and who they’ve fixed as cast and for what. You’ll hear the news about this type of drama stuff.

C: I’ve watched 50+ of your streams and have not engaged once. LYN: Find some sense of self. The reason I’m here right now- instead of sleeping, playing games, or doing other things like watching a movie or drama- the reason I’m streaming is to keep you company. I’ve done all of this to pay attention to you, so the least you could do is reciprocate. Let’s interact. Exist in the moment. LYN: There are a countless number of you out there, and you collectively make up the mood of my stream. You are included in that collective. All the words I am saying to you now, are also being said to everyone watching. Did you want to add me on WeChat and talk one on one?? And then when you’re ready to sleep, should I say to you, “Yare, yare~ Miss, go to sleep.” Should I wait on you??

------- Advice

C: Xiao Ning, ah- LYN: You must be a jiejie, to call me that. I suddenly felt like I’ve gotten a lot younger. C: Xiao Ning, if you encounter some inconvenient/troublesome/annoying things, how do you relieve yourself? LYN: Wow, this question. This is the type of question with sustenance that adults should be asking. Not like you others who only wanted gossip. You only like the useless things, but look at this jiejie’s question: When you feel like you’re under pressure, how do you release it? This is a really good question.

LYN: How do I mediate? My choice is not to mediate. In my opinion, I feel like a person’s life is just one problem, one pressure, one after another. I don’t have any way of dispelling that pressure. The most I do is get a good sleep. After I wake up, I face the problem. Whether it can be solved or not is a different story. I have to bravely face it first.

C: Xiao Ning, are you trying to become a mood streamer? LYN: /laughs/ A mood streamer?? I sure do have a lot of personal moods. 

C: How do I persevere at work? LYN: This friend is probably working now, and wants to know how they can persevere, right? I mean… what else can you do? You should work. People should be working. Unless you come from a good family, and your parents have money enough to indulge you while you laze around at home, playing games and enjoying life. If that’s the case, then you can play. That’s a blessing the heavens gave to you. But if you are in a situation where your family can’t help you, then you should be working hard and going to work so you can earn money to live. What else can you do? We’re all the same.

LYN: There was someone earlier who asked if I wanted to be a “qing xu” (mood) streamer, but they probably typed wrong and meant “qing gan” (emotion) streamer. I think people took it seriously, and really are coming to ask me questions. Friends, I can’t explain anything to you. Please don’t take it seriously. The stream is for joking around. LYN: Someone just asked me, “Ning-ge, what should I do if I don’t score well on my college entrance exam?” I can’t give you the correct answer. I can only tell you that university it not necessarily the most important thing. It’s also a turning point in your life, but it’s not the most important choice you will ever need to make in life. You might not score well. Look at me- I’m just a cook. I don’t dare to say that I’m doing well in life right now, but I may be a cook only have a high school education, but as of this moment I can also be an emotional streamer. Right? If I can’t do anything else, at the very least I can be an emotional streamer right now. But I (officially) learned how to be a cook. This might only be a small point in your life, and there are countless opportunities on your future path. As long as you keep looking forward to the work you’ll do and the people you’ll meet, you will come to face a new turning point. 

LYN: Someone asked me a question that truly touched me: C: How do I give rockets to the streamer?  LYN: /laughs/ I’m so touched. Earlier I got “I don’t want to work”, and now I have “How do I send rockets?” YOU are the true emotional streamer. You have comforted me. It’s like this- I don’t care to make a profit off of weibo. So, 1. I don’t advertise or try to market influence you, and the gift-giving function is closed on my stream. My stream is just a space for me to chat with my fans or people who know me. I don’t accept gifts. But, I do have some brand collaborations. I am spokesperson for a number of brands. Jewelry and accessories comes from Pomellato. If you want to buy something, you can check them out. Skin and haircare comes from L’Oreal. If you want to drink some yogurt, I am also Chunzhen’s spokesperson. I’m pretty good with them, so you can buy some Chunzhen yogurt and the like. Eat, drink. Okay? LYN: But when you’re checking out- you know how you asked about rockets? When you’re checking out of the store, you can tell the clerk or make note that your purchase was a “rocket meant for LYN.” Later I’ll go and check. Okay? That’s enough for me.

C: Ning-ge, when you look into the camera, it’s like we’re meeting eyes. LYN: /laughs/ I need to prepare some bgm for this… - /~~ You Are My Destiny ~~ … but missed the right timing./ LYN: It’s not this one! Oh, no. It’s flopped. Why didn’t she sing…? [t/n: he’s got the instrumental track…] LYN: AWKWARD. LYN: Let me search again. // Ok, here we go. - /~~ ₊˚✧ ﾟ You Are My Destiny ₊˚✧ ﾟ~~/ C: Sweet pretty boy suddenly became greasy old boy. LYN: Apologies, I am the performance-type. 

C: Recommend a drama to me! LYN: You want me to recommend you a drama? Um… there are a lot of hot airing dramas right now, you should go onto your preferred platform and do a search. I have an airing drama right now called TXJ, you can check it out. Check out TXJ; it’s airing on Tencent and iQIYI. Go have a look. C: Ge, do you have a long contract with Tencent? LYN: Yeah? I have a long contract with Tencent, iQIYI, Youku, Mango… At least that’s my wish. I hope they can continue to use me for a long time. That’s the wish I made for my birthday- that these platforms will continue to use me. So in my heart, I think of our relationship as a long collaboration. LYN: Even though up to this point I haven’t had a drama on Mango TV, I’m sure that in the future we will have a very long collaboration. That’s what I hope for, at least. I hope someone wants me to act in their drama.

C: Why is your sense of crisis so strong? LYN: That’s just the way this industry is. Actually, it applies to any industry. I will always remember a saying, even though I’ve said it many times before, I think every industry is the same. “逆水行舟，不进则退” (Like rowing a boat upstream, if you stop moving forward you fall back.) If you really like your current conditions or become satisfied with the way things are, it’s possible that you will be replaced or eliminated over time. Even when you’re trying your hardest, you’re not necessarily going to be able to keep up with the flow. So that’s why you should always strive to be more active (and move forward).  

-----

C: What’s on your face? LYN: I didn’t remove this when I was wiping my makeup earlier. This is a tattoo I have in my current drama. 

C: The volume is low again. LYN: It’s okay, I’ll adjust the settings later.

C: What did the champagne taste like when you attended that event earlier in the month? LYN: How can I describe the flavor of champagne to you? You really have to taste carefully, with champagne. You have to open up your whole palate to taste it in detail. Let me tell you how it tastes- like champagne. Do you understand? If you want to know how champagne tastes when it hits your mouth, I’ll tell you it tastes purely like champagne. What did you expect to hear?

C: What does beer taste like? LYN: It tastes like beer! C: What does a cucumber taste like? LYN: Tastes like a cucumber! LYN: What nonsense is this?? How could you ask me what champagne tastes like??? I’m at a loss!

C: Didn’t you down it in one go? LYN: What you mean to say is I was like Zhu Bajie eating the renshen fruit, who swallowed it in one go and didn’t have a chance to taste it, is that what you mean??? I drank it too quickly, and couldn’t even tell you what it tasted like? I mean… when it goes down the aftertaste is also the same taste- of champagne. I give up. C: Was it sweet? LYN: A little bit.

C: Lao-da, did you get drunk? LYN: It wasn’t enough to get me drunk, but dizzy. A glass of champagne isn’t enough to get me drunk, but I was super dizzy. 

bgm: 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi

C: I’m sleepy. Goodnight. LYN: If any of you are sleepy, you should go to sleep. I’m sure that you are- um… em… forget it. I would have made a snarky comment before, but now I don’t dare to. LYN: WHAT TIME IS IT, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP? IT’S 10PM, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP??? Do you spend your life away in dreams? 10pm to a young person is the time we are only just starting to wake up. Have you heard the song, “If I were a DJ, would you love me?” LYN: If I were a DJ, would you love me? I really want to ask you. bgm: 午夜DJ LYN: It went to my head for no reason. I haven’t even had any champagne. - C: Sleeping so early? LYN: It’s okay to go to sleep now, because early to sleep and early to rise is good for your health, right? Have a good sleep. Goodnight. LYN: Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Now I’m going to tell you something that will become today’s BIG gossip story. Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Ok. When that person has gone to sleep for five minutes, I’ll tell you the hottest gossip in the entertainment circle today. This is the biggest thing I’ve heard since I’ve entered this circle; I’ll share with you. But that person has gone to sleep, right? It’s okay- we’re not in a rush. Let’s let them get to bed, and I’ll tell you after they fall asleep. C: I knew you would say that!  LYN: You’ve seen me through. This is already a recurring program. Whenever anyone wants to leave my stream early, I’ll reveal some exposing gossip.

C: The yxh is saying that you’ll start your tour in Sep. LYN: ?? I haven’t even heard of that. They’re saying LYN will start his tour in Sep? As LYN himself, I didn’t even know about it. Because this drama is going to take me until at least October. Why don’t I just take a tour around set and sing to the props, lighting, wardrobe, and makeup laoshi? If I go around to the different departments, that counts as a tour, right?  C: A different yxh is saying summer vacation of next year. LYN: Summer vacation of next year?? I mean, they’re bound to blindly guess correctly. They’re predicting. If you find 12 yxh accounts, and each one of them claims a month, starting from September-Oct-Nov-Dec-Jan-etc.- all the way up until Sep 2025, one of them is going to be right. Then, when I actually start my tour, you’ll think, “Oh! They got it right! This account is so accurate.” This is just like fortune-telling. It’s all about probability.

C: Is the second album finished yet? LYN: No, it hasn’t. But I have a new plan for my EP. /laughs/ Inexplicably. I’ve been too busy with this crew. I found that once I enter a crew, pretty much all work on my album comes to a pause. I don’t have enough time for it all.

C: It’s been five minutes. Where’s the gossip? LYN: The gossip is- this is the biggest thing going around the entertainment industry right now- friends, let me tell you. Liu Yuning might hold his concert tour next year. /struggles to keep a straight face/ LYN: Isn’t that exciting? Of course, it’s like this- if you care about it, you’ll think it’s big news. If you don’t care about it, then it has nothing to do with you. Just like most things on the internet- it has nothing to do with me. I don’t worry about it, because it’s none of my business. 

LYN: Someone said Wang Jialuo (Pang Hanchen) is here? Here to apologize?? LYN: Welcome, Pang Hanchen~! LYN: Wang Jialuo! My senior brother is dead. The Rongtian Sword Sect has perished. Can’t you just let me go?? C: You scared him to death. LYN: Nah, that’s unwarranted. It’s all cool. Actors are actors, and characters are characters. For a character to be known or hated by everyone, that just means that the role was worth remembering. It means that an actor performed well. 

C: We’re too into the story. LYN: No, you can’t be like that. Separate actors from the characters they play. It’s because I’ve lived through this already. When I first started acting, it was as the villain. I would be the one harming the main character. I was always the villain, the bad guy. But I don’t think Wang Jialuo can be considered either a bad or a good guy. You can’t use good/bad to judge the man. But at the start, I was this type of “bad guy.” I remember my very first drama- it was a pretty big project- and I was just happy to be an actor. All of the comments I received were those yelling/cursing at me. “Why is this character such a abad person? I’m sure LYN himself is as well.” “He LOOKS like he would play a villain.” /sigh/ 

LYN: Dunming is here, too? My da-shixiong, Yu Huanjie? LYN: No- I just want to tell them that I’m streaming from my computer today, so I can’t connect. Next time, we should get the actors together for a stream and to chat. We can do a livestream. I was thinking of calling them over the last time I did a group livestream, for the drama promotion. But I want to call them over so you all can yell at them. Put them under public scrutiny. But there’s no helping it, you can only ridicule them in your hearts.

LYN: The two of them (PHC & ZDM) are both very excellent actors. You can tell by watching the drama- the only reason these two characters strike a nerve with people and are hated to the core is because the actors themselves are great. C: They acted too well; I really hate them. LYN: /sigh/ In any case, the two of you (PHC & ZDM) should take care when you go out these days. If you are plotted against on the streets, it’s understandable.

C: Ning-ge, I just went to Taobao to get rockets for you. LYN: You didn’t need to!! I was just joking. But if you truly NEED those products, you can go ahead and purchase some. Because they are products I am a spokesperson for. If you need it, you can buy it. I am not forcing you, by telling you in my stream that you SHOULD go to Taobao and buy these things for me. It’s not necessary. LYN: Thank you for your support, though. LYN: At the Pomellato event, I saw many of you taking bags home. I can tell that you have money~ I saw you with such small bags and thought, “Mn. Nice.” It makes me look good. XD - LYN: The event was in Shanghai, right? Every time I go to Shanghai I’ll shop around, and encounter my fans. I personally like shopping. I like to buy clothes, because I’ll wear what I buy when I go to any event or function, and even my daily clothes. I don’t often ask brands if I could borrow or rent their clothing. For the most part- 90% of the clothes I own I bought myself. So, I really like shopping and especially for clothes. I’ll always go to the Pomelleto shop- becasuse there’s one there- and secretly take a selfie and leave. But I guess I do it kind of suspiciously, because the clerks always squint at me like this: /imitates/ “What’s that guy doing at the entrance??” C: Release the pic! LYN: I will! Do you want to see them? Let me look.  // There’s really not much to look at. I won’t be posting it, because I wasn’t wearing any makeup.

C: Send it to the weibo group chat. LYN: Ok. How about this- I’m streaming today, but tomorrow I won’t be able to keep you company, so I will post it then. Perfunctorily. Oops- I said my inside thoughts out loud. C: Is this also a “pie”? LYN: It’s just a picture, why would it become a “pie”?? I can’t with you. C: I really like this type of half-heartedness. LYN: ?!? C: Ning-ge, if you don’t post it tomorrow I will tear down the shed. LYN: I’ll post it to the group tomorrow.

C: Ning-ge, are you still alive at the end of TXJ? LYN: Go watch it for yourself. I can’t give you any spoilers. If I tell you I live, you might not think it’s very exciting. If I tell you I die, you might be sad. So you should go watch for yourself. I won’t be telling you any spoilers. Some people are alive but dead to others. Some people die but live on in our hearts.

bgm: 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, have you been to Chengdu? LYN: I’ve been there. I also shot a drama there. BYOL with Tao-jie was shot in Chengdu. I was there for a long time. C: Have you been to London. LYN: I think I’ve been there… have I? I think I went to Paris. I’ve forgotten what cities I’ve been to. It should have been London- I shot a commercial there before. I haven’t really been out of the country, so I don’t have a good concept of it. I collaborate with a number of brands, and sometimes they will ask me to attend their events, but I never go. I don’t really like going in that direction. So I… haven’t much been out of the country. C: Do you want to go traveling? LYN: Not really? I haven’t really thought about what specific country I’d like to visit, rather I think about amusement parks. I just want to go to an amusement park and it doesn’t matter where. // I’ve been to a lot, because every time I go to a city I’ll ask about them. Then I’ll look up whether they’re fun or not. If they’re not then I won’t go. 

C: Chengdu Disney is waiting for you to come play. LYN: Chengdu…? You’re talking about… Chengdu Disney??? I didn’t mishear you, right? This joke is already long over, and you’re only cueing me now?? - [t/n: some meme reference?] LYN: It’s been about a month since that joke has passed. C: You know of it? LYN: I’m a singer, still. For things related to song/rap, that’s still within my circle. I still follow music related things. 

bgm: 拂晓 (Dawn) - Harbin 1944 OST

C: When will you go record the music variety? LYN: I don’t know. I’m waiting for the other part to update me with the itinerary. But I might not have the time to record it. It depends on my time in the crew. If I could take the time away I’ll do to record it. If I can’t take time I’ll just have to work with them the next time. It’s all still being planned.

bgm: 别梦寒 (Don’t Dream of the Cold) - A Journey to Love OST

C: I want to hear the previous song. LYN: I was afraid to play this song because I didn’t want you to be sleepy. It’s too sad (of a song). Plus, it’s almost 11p.

----- break #2 LYN: ?! It lagged for a bit there and gave me a fright. I was afraid my computer was frozen.

C: Who won and who lost? LYN: The neighbors? … The volume on their tv was up too high. The neighbors are watching TXJ, and it was right at the part where ZBF and MSD were exchanging blows. They were loath to part, making all sorts of noise. So I just decided to come back. 

C: Trending topic #4. LYN: Who are you trying to trick with that? Is it “My Trending Topics” again? C: You dropped of the Trending list. LYN: … That’s hurtful, isn’t it? Look at other people- those more amazing people- who can get a trending topic as they wish. It’s so easy for them to get a trending topic. But then there’s me. I’ve been chatting with you for (close to) three hours now and I’m only at #40. /corrects himself/ I’m not even on the list. C: Ge. You were at #39 and then dropped off after a while. LYN: That’s why I have to continue to work hard. C: Trending at #4. You’re on it. LYN: What is it? /goes to check/ LYN: In MY “My Trending Topics” I actually am at #4. If I’m at #4 in my own list… What is “LYN unmasking PTSD”? What does “PTSD” mean?? P-T-S-D? 胖头 (Pàng Tóu = fat head)... /laughs/ “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, is it? - /trying to read all the responses to “what does “ptsd” mean?”/ LYN: Okay now, all you “doctors”. Thank you, Doctor.

C: TXJ is really good! Ning-ge, shoot more dramas like this one. LYN: I actually do like this type of drama. But next time I just hope that I can have more scenes. I haven’t had enough. - /trying to remember his opening narration/character intro/

C: Ning-ge, I’m on vacation in Sanya. Will you come? LYN: What?? You’re on vacation in Sanya, and you’re asking if I’ll go? What type of job do you think I have? Huh? Do you think I’m like… a companion you can bring along like in HoK? Even if I do go, you can’t just ask me like this so openly. How could I promise you, then? Even though I am in a type of customer service industry right now, I don’t think I can do that type of service. I hope you have a fun time in Sanya. I hope you enjoy it. I won’t be going, as I have a drama to shoot. C: Should we contact your studio instead? LYN: No, no. I’m not going! LYN: Do you all know what the “contact my studio” thing is? I used to joke- someone had asked me before, “If I gave you 100k RMB, would you give me a bath/scrub?” I told them to contact my studio. XD It was a joke. I could make jokes like that three years ago, but now I don’t dare to make any such jokes. Everything goes online. People KNOW it’s fake, but they will still post it and make you a target for a round of ridicule. 

C: People have no sense of humor. LYN: It’s not that they don’t have a sense of humor, they do. They just don’t like me. They don’t like me, yet they continue to look out for news on me. There’s a group of people out there who do nothing but watch me like hawks. For example, they might be more eager to watch my stream than my actual fans are. They’re just looking for a loophole or a slip, some topic that they can turn into a point of discussion. With that, they’re happy. They’re so happy to curse people, even for one or two sentences. They’re just looking for people who resonate with them. LYN: But I can understand these types of people, too. I have a feeling that 20-30 years later, sometime within the next 30 years, these people will have a moment where they realize they actually like me. In 30 years they will have grown, matures, seen all the world has to offer, and their hearts will become good. When they look back, they’ll realize that I was the one who kept them company for the past 30 years. I’m waiting for that day to come, when they have matured and their hearts have calmed. The day they don’t think of harming others first, they will look back and realize that I have spent the past 30 years with them. It doesn’t matter if they cursed or ridiculed me for those 30 years, I was still there. Without me, how else would they have expressed their dissatisfaction with the world, or unhappiness and pressure from work?

LYN: Seriously. Friends, let’s wait and see. I’m sure there are some people watching my stream right now, who don’t like me and are ready to ridicule me. Maybe they hate me. Maybe they think I’m ugly. Maybe, somehow I am not good enough for them. Let’s make a 30-year agreement. Trust me. I guarantee you. In 30 years, or one day within the next 30 years, there will come a day where you love me. LYN: Let’s swear on it. [t/n: I am now noticing I really like the shape of this sweater. (wide sleeves)] - C: Can you go at 2x speed? LYN: Are you crazy?!? I’m LIVEstreaming. You have to cherish every word- Are you really that bored?? You have to put it at 2x speed in order to watch? - LYN: Just like how the Bodhi and Dharma successors (TXJ) had a 30-year agreement, antis and I are the same. Antis, let’s make a 30-year agreement, okay? I’m sure that in thirty years we will become people who sincerely know and love each other. 

C: You’re an old actor already, and yet you (break character to) laugh?? LYN: It had nothing to do with old or not old- I’m just impressed by how I could even think of such a thing (as the 30-year agreement). LYN: I look insane.

C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be eighty. LYN: What about it? It’s okay. LYN: Have you turned yourself in, though? Did that count as turning yourself in? “Ning-ge, I’m an anti and I can’t wait for you another 30 years. I’ll be eighty by then. I can’t hold on much longer.” You’ve confessed? Or do you mean that in 30 years you’ll be eighty, but you want to live to see that day that antis and I finally come to peace? C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be forty-five. LYN: :| … It’s a good thing that the presents are closed, otherwise I’d be afraid of being accused of soliciting money from minors. What time is it? 11pm. You should be sleeping. Fifteen years old and you’re watching my stream?? You should know better. Quickly go and rest. Go to sleep. Study well. C: Ning-ge, in 30 years, I’ll be eight. LYN: /laughs/ You- did I misread that? What does that mean? In 30 years you’ll be eight??? How does that math work??

------ Bathhouses (how did we get here??)

C: Ning-ge, how do you bathe/scrub in the South? LYN: In the South… I do it to myself. I’m originally from Northeast, and we have bathhouses there. Friends, if you go to the Northeast to play, you definitely should visit one and experience it. But you’d have to find a better rated one. You can soak in the big pool and experience the scrub. A lot of the better places are not only about the scrub. Let me tell you, because many of you have not been to one. Let me tell you what you can do in a bathhouse. People from the South might not know, so I’ll walk you through the process. [t/n: flashbacks to his 2022.08.12 stream, where he explained this whole thing]

- You walk in and see two paths. Someone welcomes you, asks you how many people in your party, and directs you to the front desk for a number - You get your number (for a locker) and are directed to an area- only shoes- where you will take off yours. “You can go in to wash but you can’t bring your shoes. Because they’re afraid of people washing then immediately leaving. Shoes are collateral.” Change into slippers. - You are asked if you’d like your shoes cleaned. It’s about 10-20rmb. - Men are on the first floor, and Women are on the second. There are no solo rooms. - Next you enter a hall full of lockers. Find yours according to the number originally assigned to you. Take off your clothes and put them in the locker. 

LYN: There are a lot of people, and some are shy. Like me. But you’re there to wash up, so normally people just tie a towel around their waist and go in. C: Really get naked?? LYN: What else are you going to do, watch?? You’re there to wash up, why wouldn’t you take off your clothes? C: Southern people are shy. LYN: It has nothing to do with whether you’re shy or not. It’s all men in there, what’s there to be shy about?? But if you are, you can just wrap a towel and go in.

- Around the perimeter of the area are shower heads. You can adjust temperature however you want and the pressure is high. In the middle there are 2-3 large pools. The largest one is usually around 30-35C. Towards the edges are the hotter pools, around 40C or a little higher. There’s another row with seated bathing- for the old people to sit and wash. - You only need to bring your body. Soaps, shampoos, and cleaning supplies are all offered. - You finish up with the baths, rinse, and are ready for the scrub. There’s a designated area to go, find and find a shifu. It normally costs around 38rmb, but can be more. It was 38rmb when he was still going. C: Is that expensive? LYN: I guess it depends on what you’re there for. If you’re there to have a bath and scrub, 100rmb should do it.

- The shifu will ask if you want a salt scrub: 68 or 88rmb. To disinfect. “If you’re stingy like me, you’ll say no thanks.” Or they’ll ask if you want lemon. Lemon is 68, the slightly cheaper option. The salt was 88. You can ask for vinegar instead. “Because it is better at getting off the dust.”

C: Do they have purple salt? LYN: 去你的!

C: Is there medicinal oil? LYN: That counts as a spa thing. You’d have to go up. I’m telling you floor by floor. We’re only on the first floor now. LYN: Putting salt has a disinfecting function. But men rarely have a milk scrub; you’d see that more in the women’s baths. It’s supposed to make your skin better, but let me tell you- it really doesn’t do anything. Even if you sit in a tub of milk, it’s not as if your body can absorb anything. Let alone using it to scrub your body with. I’m telling you- it’s all a lie. The most realistic thing is to use some lemon. Salt is okay, too. Vinegar helps to remove oil. Maybe without it, it would be easier to scrub. 

- When you’re done you can rinse off or go take a sit in the sauna. - The better accommodations are upstairs. By floor: 1. Men’s Bath 2. Women’s Bath 3. Dining 4. Rest area - one section has dim lights and you can sit on a sofa and rest a little; there’s a Chinese chess area; likens it to an amusement park. 5. Private Rooms - for massage, ear cleaning, etc. 6. Hotel Rooms -  /starts explaining what you can do by floor/

- got to 4F, when: C: Are you naked all through this?? LYN: No, when you finish washing they’ll give you a robe before you head upstairs.

LYN: When you’re all done you can come back to the first floor and rinse off before you head home. That’s the basic bathhouse walkthrough.

C: Have you worked there? LYN: I have worked in a bathhouse before. I was a waiter there for… a little more than a year, I think. I was working in the dining area, but I’m familiar with the whole process of it.  - LYN: If you get the chance to head North, visit a bathhouse. It’s pretty interesting. - C: Do you get commission? LYN: No, it’s just your regular wage. A very “dead” wage.

----- SJYM

LYN: LYT-laoshi is here? Oh, welcome! LYN: I’m sorry. I’m ashamed. Because originally I was supposed to be filming for a scene tonight- a scene where the hero rescues the maiden. The FL gets surrounded by 200 small vagrants. She was shopping on the street when she was surround by 200 small vagrants. In fear and at a loss, she looks around for help. Suddenly, I appear. Together, myself and 100 other small vagrants (?) bombard her. But this scene was scrapped and I didn’t get to film today. She’s hanging out with those 100 small vagrants now. I came back home to stream. [t/n: what??] I didn’t save her, but came to stream instead. C: What about the other 100? LYN: … - C: I thought you had cameo’d? LYN: Yeah, I’m the background actor that shows his face a lot. - C: The other 100 came to watch the stream. LYN: Meaning that you’ve already discovered that there are 100 little vagrants with us in the stream? /laughs/ You got me.

C: You’re going to scare her away. LYN: No. Actually, when I work with other actors- it doesn’t matter who- I’m still a rookie. Though I may look older (and AM older) than the actors, colleagues, and friends I’ve worked with, the truth is that I AM a rookie. You can pick anyone, and they all would have debuted earlier than me.

C: Ning-ge, I want to go act as a vagrant. LYN: /lol/ You want to bombard the FL??

LYN: The director is here??

LYN: On, in that case- speaking from the heart, if I had to use a single word to describemy current state it woul be: humiliated. Because when I’m with the drama crew I never act like how I do in my stream. In the crew I need to act a little more proper/sane. I don’t want them to think that I am unreliable or unstable. I don’t want them to think I’m a vagrant. So usually when I get on to set in the morning and see the director, for example I’ll say, ‘Good morning, Director.” And if I see the Fl, I’ll say, “Good morning.” [short and simple] Do you hear- the sound of my voice is even more dignified. “Good morning.” “Did you sleep well?” “Not bad?” “Okay, good.” And to other actors: “Hello.” “Do you have a lot of scenes today?” “You don’t?” “Thanks for your hard work.” Putting on airs. But in reality, I’m just a small vagrant. XD

C: Director Guo, please film Nan Heng well! LYN: Is that not disgraceful?? Do you think he, the Director, needs you to tell him that? LYN: The Director has already done his best when filming me. Think about how many times I have to wear the mask. Every time I have to take it off, I’m terrified. But the Director has already done the best he could. I can’t say I look cool but at least you can’t say that I’m… /trails off/ We don’t want what happened before to happen again.

C: You scared Song Yimeng (LYT) away. LYN: It’s okay.

C: Ning-ge, I’m a vagrant to begin with, can I go act? LYN: Its not necessary.

C: Are there any scenes in this drama where you bombard the ML? LYN: Female vagrants?? You want to come bombard the ML???

-----

C: Ning-ge, your eyes are so pretty. LYN: You’re not kidding, are you? My eyes are the biggest “bug” (flaw) on my face. When I’m acting opposite people it’s always big eyes against small eyes. I am the small eyes. You didn’t learn this from foreign movies, did you? I always see that when they are complimenting someone they’ll say, “Wow, your eyes are so beautiful.” “Your eyes look just like a blue lake.” I feel like in a lot of foreign movies the ML will compliment the FL by saying her eyes are pretty. LYN: Oh, my goodness. ~ You have a pair of eyes that can speak ~

C: Ning-ge, we don’t self deprecate. LYN: Let me tell you. If you want to survive in this industry, you’ll have to learn how to self deprecate. If you don’t do it yourself, others will do it for you. I’m walking on others’ path, so they have no room to walk it. - [t/n: he’ll make fun of himself so other people’s words can’t hurt him.]

C: KSTLB is a really good watch! LYN: It is! I had fun shooting this season as well, and the episodes have all finished recording. If you have some time you can go check it out. Over time we came to know one another, and we were able to relax and play better together. 

C: How many times were you the killer? LYN: I don’t remember, and I can’t spoil anything. But it’s already been 4 episodes and I’ve had a special identity in all of them. For four consecutive episodes, I already knew who the killer was. It really took away from the overall experience. LYN: And then- /laughs/- this is human nature. In E1 I was Detective and chosen as the X. When we finished recording that ep, I told my PD: “It was fun, but I didn’t have any sense of experiencing it for myself. I didn’t have that motivation to solve the case. I didn’t get to experience thesearch and putting the clues together to find the killer.” But let me tell you something about how it was recorded- As the X, I do know who the killer is. But! You still don’t know what the whole story is. The story, modus operandi, timeline, and how the characters are connected- the X does not know any of that. You only know who the killer is, that’s it. You don’t know the motive or how the deed was done. So on that part, there is some sense of participation, as you’re solving the case along with everyone else. We find the clues, connect them together, and finally see the whole picture before voting for we think the killer is.

LYN: The Director is calling me for overtime. I won’t be going, Director. Thanks for your hard work. 

LYN: Then, in E2 I was Detective AND X AGAIN. So I told my PD, /smug/humble/ “Why did they pick me again? It’s like I can’t even play to my fullest. It’s a little boring.” By E3, I was Detective & X again, and I knew who the killer was, so I felt a little discouraged. /sigh/ I was originally planning on to take it by storm, but I felt that I was limited by the knowledge. I wanted to show off my strong reasoning skills and the limits of my intelligence but as the X I had to protect the killer. Therefore, I could not properly come to the right conclusions. In E4- you’ve already seen it, as it’s finished airing. Later- I finally become just a “commoner”. I was so happy. LYN: They will tell you your identity beforehand: if you are the detective, commoner- actually there is no “commoner” but rather the rest of us are “suspects”- or killer. Finally one day I became the commoner/suspect. I was so excited. It was like I got a pump of chicken blood (expression to express insanity or excitement). When I got to the set and for example:

- Saw ZLH- I said, “小杀手~” (xiǎo shāshǒu - means “little killer”, it became a sort of term of endearment on the show) “Today I’ll be- /makes the watching you gesture/- keeping my eyes on you~” “You’re a little strange today, ZLH.” “I called you out and you didn’t refute.” - Later Reba walks in. “Ba-jie… you’re not normal today.” :) “Oh, you are normal?” “I’m not crazy, no. I’m just… testing you.” “It seems you’re not very suspicious today.” - Later, BY comes in. “Lao Bai, are you the killer today?” “You are? Stop joking! The show wouldn’t dare to give you such an important position. We also have a new friend today. There’s no way you can be the killer. You’re not worthy. ” - Later, ZKY comes in. “Keyu.” “I called you, how could you not hear me?? Were you too busy memorizing the killer’s script?” “There’s something wrong with you today. Something very wrong with you today!” “Watch out, Ning-ge will be keeping his eye on you.” “You’d better be careful!” - Later, Jin Jing. “Hello, hello~ You’re shooting with us today?” “Are you the murderer, JJ?” JJ: “Why would you think I’m the killer.” “I’ll tell you why: because you are someone who records variety shows often. But since you’re here, on your first episode, the program would definitely give you some sort of special identity so you can experience being the killer. They will assume that we would never think that they’d give a new player an identity. I’m sure that’s what they’re thinking.” “Watch out. Ning-ge is watching you~”

LYN: I was super excited that day. LYN: And in the end, I guessed wrong. I thought I was so smart! But at the end of the day I voted for the wrong person. How outrageous!! LYN: After recording that day, I felt even worse. I was SO confident. “Little Killer. Let me tell you- I’m set on you as my killer. Don’t try to explain. Okay, fine. I’ll give you a chance. Let me hear what you have to say.” They say a bunch. I refute. “Keep talking.” They say, “Ning-ge, why do you think it’s me?” I say, “You don’t need to try to make excuses. Don’t try to make me pity you. It’s definitely you.” I voted wrong. LYN: I thought I was invincible, but at the end I was even more dispirited. Seems like it really isn’t easy to pick correctly… 

C: Spoilers! LYN: No- when you watch it, then you’ll realize whether I really gave spoilers or not. LYN: That experience made me realize it was better off being the X. /pause/ Not really. It’s fine being a “commoner” too. I’m better at stories that take place within reality. I’m not as good this season because I have a strong sense of logic, but a lot of the stories this season are… how do you call it?? Alternate reality. The first season didn’t have things like infinite loops, time travel, aliens, etc. I’m not well-versed in these types of scripts. I CAN understand, but I am better at the logistical side of things. 

C: Infinite loop. LYN: I did think of it, but it’s not something you can be certain of. It adds too many variables. If you think it’s a time loop, it might not be. But if it were to take place within reality, that’s not even a direction you have to think about. You’d only have to think about motive, and how the act was conducted.

C: Are the snacks tasty? LYN: Yes, they were all quite tasty.

C: What does the suannai geda (nai lao) taste like? LYN: First, you need to open up all your tastebuds. Before you eat it, it would be best to have a drink of clear water. To clear other flavors from your mouth. The moment you put the sour milk on your tongue, you will be able to taste the flavor of the sour milk. Suannai geda tastes like suannai geda. What did you expect? Would it taste like daikon?

C: Did you like it? LYN: Um… it’s an acquired taste? Some people like douzhi, but others can’t drink it/aren’t accustomed to the taste. If you like it, you will like it. If you don’t, then you don’t. So, does it taste good? If you think it’s good, it’s good. If you don’t think it’s good, then it’s not. LYN: /laughs at himself/ I can’t even believe how much nonsense I am spewing tonight!!  - likens it to stinky tofu- not that that’s what it tastes like- but people who like it, like it. People who don’t want to throw up at the smell of it. Depends on personal preference.

C: Ning-ge, everything you’re saying today is nonsense. LYN: That’s right! It’s not that I’m making a lot of noise. 1 minute on stage is 60 seconds off stage. [t/n: ??] Right? It’s not as simple as you think.

C: Ning-ge, I knew you would say that. LYN: I can’t believe you guessed right. Let me do something now that you will definitely never guess.  LYN: I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream~ Goodnight, everyone! LYN: If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. It’s about time (to go). I’ll go wash up, do some homework for tomorrow’s scenes, then I’ll go to sleep. Okay? Goodnight, everyone. LYN: You didn’t see that coming did you? 🙂 LYN: Goodnight. Bye, bye.

[ekebolou]

Kostas: Academy Days, The Butcher, pt 1

Hey @astronicht here you go. If there was some other prompt that was more interesting to you, let me know, because I kind of started this one because it hit my brain funny.

I don't know how many parts this will be, and I'm still working on the last bits, but this was one of the prompt ideas discussed and I went with it. The dubious prize for snagging my 1,000th like, which for a blog this old is probably a really sad number but we celebrate here instead of dwelling.

This is set somewhere early in the Third Year. I was going to split it up into more parts but I got lazy (~5,000 words for part one, so not on the short side, since I usually aim for like ~3,000 to a post, but kind of awkward to up)

“And for you,” Cole said, laying one dried, paper-wrapped sausage on Nika’s chest, like one might law a long-stemmed flower on a lover’s grave.

It could have been Nika’s grave, very easily (it was his bed) for he was lying in it (distinctly alive) as if he were dead, and wishing just slightly (previously it had been somewhat sharply, but Cole had walked in (and given him sausage)) to actually be dead. For a little bit, at least (like an hour or two, tops – he had things to do).

Nika wanted desperately to say it wasn’t his fault, the fatigue and stinging back, but it really was. He wasn’t going to get leave anyway, as it wasn’t his turn, so he had felt absolutely free to correct a classmate’s verbiage by nearly suffocating him with grass. It WASN’T his fault that his classmate was not better at grappling, or at least good enough to avoid being pushed face first into the ground for long enough he almost passed out. It was really the length of the time that was Nika’s fault, which the grappling ollamh knew very well (thus, punishment), and that it was rather too dangerous to be throwing anyone head first into anything when they were practicing on hard ground (thus, non-trivial amounts of punishment).

That the grass was so verdant as to be suffocating was the fault of rain, and therefore up to God. If the Ainjir had a problem with that they could come to faith and take up their own arguments.

Cole threw himself into their one intact chair and started picking at a piece of flatbread ragged with the bits he had already taken out, pinching and flattening and taking fingertip-shaped crescents out to press onto his tongue. It was barbaric (but it did make it last longer, which was probably the only reason he still had sausage to give to Nika). And, really, given their mutual lack of funds, it was impressive he had gotten the sausage at all.

“Well,” Cole sighed, taking a haphazard bite out of the remainder of his bread and slouching down, casting his head over the hard chair back, face turned upward so that he, too, looked a little dead, “that was a waste.”

Nika sniffed deeply.  The sausage didn’t smell right. Or, rather – “This is Servan’s?”

Cole lifted himself up so as to not choke on his next little medallion of bread.

“Yes, I did try, and I did try to be very discreet…” Cole insisted, quite unnecessarily (he didn’t realize or had not conceded to the fact that Nika had, from the moment he had said it, ceased giving any thought to Cole’s utterly mistaken notion that he could possibly be discreet enough for it to matter),

“…but the first time I went ‘round the butcher was too distracted to serve anyone. Just utterly preoccupied with some problem with his hooks, or his supply of meats, or something – I’m afraid I didn’t catch any familiar words.”

“You don’t know any,” Nika said, picturing (he could only see the ceiling) and ignoring the collapse of Cole’s face and the start of his protests. To give him something else to say, Nika asked, “And then?”

Cole had another bit of bread and said, “Closed.”

Nika sat up (he caught the sausage).

“–quite early, but I suppose that’s what the fuss was about in the morning – must have run through his supplies.”

“You went?” The badly formulated question Nika blamed on his surprise, but luckily Cole understood.

“In the morning?” Cole said. “I would say around ten.”

“And you returned?”

“Around three?” But this one, Cole did not understand – but that wasn’t his fault, even Nika had to admit. He meddled in matters beyond even his considerable comprehension.

Nika’s exclamation was not a result of curiosity, but of shocked disbelief. Shocked disbelief that Cole did not understand the gravity of the slight to which he had been subjected. Nika’s eyes narrowed as he watched Cole contentedly nibble his bread (he knew something had upset Nika, but would wait to see if it was something in which Nika wanted to involve him. Both because he was lazy, and because Nika hadn’t approved of the whole mission to try a new butcher’s wares anyway).

And No – Nika wouldn’t involve him. In part because he was already involved, he just didn’t know. Because it wouldn’t be Cole who had been insulted – how, after all, could a Midraeic butcher expect a faithless Ainjir to behave politely and respectably? – it would be Them.

Better that Cole didn’t know it was Them, or he would be reacting much more severely. As always, Cole said nothing, but as if Nika didn’t know Cole had broken another cadet’s nose just last week for some unwise comment (he, too had lain on the bed as if dead (but not because he had been punished for that. He had been punished for some other thing – not, inevitably, for any actual rule he had broken, like sneaking down to the cellars to steal food, but for being in a place he shouldn’t have had access to or some such lesser trespass he was continually committing). No – Cole also had a happy talent for convincing, intimidating, or somehow shaming those whose impudence he corrected into not wanting to admit to the correction, even if such a confession should see him punished for it. He also had a happy talent for not doing things as forthright as smashing someone’s face into the ground for a near-fatal period of time in front of an ollamh in the middle of class.

…Why Nika bothered with and endured the punishments for such correcting idiots he had no idea. It’s not like anyone learned anything – anyone who hadn’t, by now, stopped running their mouth at Nika was never going to – it was just personally satisfying. (And Nika sometimes called Cole a fool!)).

Better that Cole not be involved, anyway. What could he do? Cole didn’t understand, and Nika doubted he ever really would. Even Nika didn’t want to understand. It was incredibly stupid. But then, it felt incredibly stupid that Nika was so compelled to fix the situation (a disturbance in the community was a threat; Midraeic food, in addition to being good, was also some of the only food they could afford). So they were all incredibly stupid together, as a community should be.

“Do you want your sausage?” Cole asked.

In answer, Nika shoved half of it into his mouth in one ferocious bite. With a disappointed frown and delicate noise of discontent, Cole let his head fall back again.

**

“Faer.”

Two weeks later, the time had come. Faer started as his name was called, probably out of surprise and not fear. If there was anyone who didn’t jump when Galen called out his name with purpose, it would be Faer.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t (very wisely) somewhat hesitant in answering. 

“Galen,” Faer said, to the fearsome figure stalking up to him before the gates.

“Come with me,” Galen said.

“Well, such invitations you give!” Faer said, but jovially, shoving his hands in his pockets and falling into step beside Galen as he strode out the gate. “Will this take all day?”

“No,” Galen said. “I need two favors.”

Perhaps it was a trick of the perspective, but Faer almost looked disappointed that these tasks would not take all day.

“The first is very awkward,” Galen admitted.

“More or less awkward than the second?” Faer asked, still cheerful.

“I don’t know yet,” Galen said. He glanced up again at Faer walking beside him. “I don’t know what the second favour is yet. It could be very awkward.”

“Intriguing.”

He waited, but Galen didn’t seem to want to actually ask his favour. Unlike every other Ainjir Galen had ever met, though, he was not inclined to fill silences with chatter. It was probably very smart, but at the moment, Galen had trouble appreciating it.

“I need you to buy something for me,” Galen said. 

This was very serious indeed, and the bounce to Faer’s step departed for a long, sombre stride, which was also slightly annoying since Faer had much longer legs than Galen and it made their pace all funny. But Galen couldn’t complain – almost all the not-rich cadets knew that Faer was the one to ask for purchases outside their means, as his father’s law practice had generated considerable credit among the city merchants for the family. Despite being not at all rich, his reach was, in practice, second only to the most wealthy of the noble cadets. And he wasn’t a dick about it.

“So… like, how expensive? What is it?”

“A sausage.”

Faer stopped. A few moments later, Galen stopped as well. Then a few more moments later, he walked back to where Faer was.

“Is it, like, a very special sausage?”

“No,” Galen said, not certain Faer would understand the nuances of the situation, and slightly embarrassed that he felt compelled to add, “I don’t think it will be better than Servan’s, anyway.”

“But you need me to buy it?” Faer asked. He did not offer to lend Galen the money; he was, in fact, very smart.

“Yes, and it’s far – across the city.” Time was precious – they only ever got a few days of leave, and really only hours in each day.

“Sure,” Faer said, and resumed a position beside Galen, so they could continue walking. “Is this… related to the second favour?”

“Yes.”

“Is it… well, do I need to change, or like…I don’t know…”

“No,” Galen said, after a moment’s thought. “Better to be in uniform I think.”

They took a few more steps in silence.

“Is this going to get me in trouble with Servan?”

Galen scoffed, but because it was Faer, had the decency to look apologetic as he explained. “You’re Ainjir, it’s fine.” He paused, “but go to him next.”

Faer nodded, tension easing. “So, go buy sausages at two places and save one for you? That’s the mission? Honestly, I was going to go to Servan’s anyway. Anything else?”

“No, but don’t go to Servan’s now,” Galen said. “I need to speak with him.”

“Meet up later, then?”

Galen nodded, and all Faer’s cheerfulness returned.

**

A little more than an hour later, Nika sat at one of the high, tiny tables perched just inside the wall of Servan’s open storefront. This part of the wall backed to the tiny alley, in the depths of which Servan and his wife did their slaughtering, carving, grinding, and casing (at least part of this illegally, but that was none of Nika’s business). This half of the front of the shop folded up into an awning – much needed for the sun was bright today – but Nika had chosen the relative privacy of the smaller table and the shelter of the wall. There he drank tea in a leisurely fashion, all the various accoutrement of herb, citrus peel, sugar, the little dishes and spoons and sticks, arrayed before him, pretending (or not having to pretend so hard) to be too tired for much more strenuous activity on the first day of his leave.

Nika never allowed himself to be served all of the accoutrements of Midraeic tea. He also never sat inside the shop – not if he could help it – if there weren’t others with him to force his hand.

Servan knew when the gates opened to let cadets out on leave, so Nika had dallied as to not show up too early. They had passed their usual greetings, which had taken probably a half an hour – relatively brief, but Nika had the excuse of having the much reduced volume of letters from his family meaning there was not much to share that was not awkward, even for the canvassing of a butcher.

Now, Nika waited. Not because Servan was busy – it was not a particularly busy morning, but that didn’t matter, because Nika would always get a second slice of his time. Usually, if he was alone, he tried to leave before the second canvassing and would be caught, taking tiny steps backward out of the shop, having pastries or new medicines or herb bundles or off-cuts stuffed into his hands for at least another ten minutes (God help him if he ran into anything because he would be made to sit to be examined and served more tea (a whole pot!) and Servan’s wife would inevitably emerge and then all the Midraeic ladies would come to offer their opinions of his grievous injuries and really mostly gossip about everyone over his head occasionally clucking at him and telling him to sit and rest like he was an infant and it was a whole extra half-to-full hour).

Staying after of the second canvassing (never quite as long – perhaps only fifteen minutes at the most – and again, only when he was alone, and the social rules reverted back to all Midraeic rules), was an even clearer signal; Servan would present himself again, ready to stay.

“Puer, it is a fine day,” Servan said, bringing down the serving tray shielding his eyes as he moved from sun to shade around the edge of the wall.

This was not a pleasantry (‘ah,’ the voice of his father cautioned, ‘maybe not only, not only, not “not”’) – not only a pleasantry, but also an accusation. It was a fine day, why wasn’t he out enjoying it? It was a fine day, he should be spending it improving himself. It was a fine day, worth thanking God over, why wasn’t he observing while he had the chance?

“It is,” Nika said, but volunteered no more, as Servan had already settled himself into the tall chair across the table. Preoccupied with cleanliness, like a good Midraeic butcher, he kept a second set of pockets, protected by his apron, tied around his waist, from which he now took a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from his brow, and which he carefully replaced, making sure he wasn’t sitting on it. 

“Ah,” Servan said knowingly, “you are having a hard time with your lessons?”

This was a bit silly. Servan always clucked sympathetically but never said anything about classes at the Academy, not even that he knew nothing about them – he would say, that was how much nothing he knew! – despite surely having heard enough years’ worth of complaints to be able to sketch the curriculum, if not pass the tests.

“Eha,” Nika said easily, “no more than usual. I know my sermones already, what else should I know?”

“A good boy, fili’s skola,” said Servan.

Platitudes – but then, so had been what Nika said.

“Not all would say so.” Nika said, switching to Midraeic.

“Let them say it to me!” Servan said, switching over himself as he thumped a fist on his chest, then tucked his serving tray under his arm.

“They would, if they were done eating,” Nika said with a deferential smile, “but then, they might not want to.”

“A loyal boy – you warm my heart, you know, in this place, it’s not like your towns – eha, your villages,” he corrected, in deference to the tininess of Nika’s home community. “We have to compete!”

While he was never rude, Nika was – even he had to admit – not usually this polite, which Servan’s self-correction noted. Servan was not fooled by this politeness (cooperation, maybe? Nika would like it termed cooperativeness instead of politeness), either. Of course Servan knew that Cole had visited some other butcher. Of course Nika knew who buttered his bread – or cased his sausages, rather. Truly, even more than a regular butcher, Nika was under Servan’s loving thumb.

“Compete for what?” Nika said. “The Ainjir?”

Servan made a wry face and waggled a finger at Nika, who sipped his tea. “You laugh, but every half-trained fool with a sharp enough knife tries to set up here, in the Capitol, where all the people are!”

“Why? Everybody’s settled, who are they going to take in?”

“Eha, clever boy,” Servan said, seeming to scoot towards the edge of his stool as if he might leave, “you just want to know who the new butcher is.”

“I have the word of God, I want for nothing,” Nika said quickly, “and anyway I can’t know who the new butcher is.”

At this, Servan pushed himself back onto his stool, but Nika took another sip of tea rather than continuing directly. He didn’t even look at Servan. The ‘can’t’ was doing work it could only do in Midraeic, when paired with everything else he did. Nika’s staunch and utter lack of interest in the new butcher – or Servan’s acceptance of such – meant that they could talk about him. Gossip was, after all, forbidden (a claim disputed in the commentaries, as it was not direct speech of the Prophet (obviously a result of the recorder’s hysterical grief (also disputed, several other tenets – some for which the punishment was death [citations of historical events to prove it] – were also so recorded (also disputed, definition needed: what is a tenet?))) look, was any of this really needed when the People exist in a perpetual state of sin? (disputed) Or was gossip inevitable, like sex outside wedlock? (disputed, disputed, disputed, and so on…)

“I only get leave every three months.” Nika set his teacup down. “What should I know, anyway?”

“Well,” Servan said consolingly, “not everyone understands.”

Ah, thought Nika, dully disappointed but not surprised – it was his relationship with Cole.

“It’s a posted schedule,” Nika protested, knowing very well that wasn’t what Servan meant, and also that Servan knew that Nika knew that wasn’t what Servan meant.

“Eha,” Servan said, almost as a grunt, waving away this protest, “everyone knows the cadets.”

“They know all the cadets?” Nika said, brows raised over his teacup. About as close to ‘have you gossiped about me outside of the acceptable radius of your couple hundred customers to the unacceptable radius of the whole city – I am a very private person’ as he could ever get.

Servan raised his shoulders and readjusted the tray under his arm as he made an equivocating gesture. He said, in an (insincere) apologetic voice. “They probably learn more things than they should really know, and think they know more than they really learn.”

“Prophet guide us, our neighbors’ fruit isn’t ours to taste, even if it falls into our hand.” This was, perhaps, the most annoying thing Nika could have possibly said, not only because it was (in context) an intensely vague parable, but because it was, technically, part of the teachings, though it was the kind of part that only a teachers’ son would bother to quote, and only in a bad argument (it wasn’t disputed but ALL of the later commentaries stopped by to make fun of it).

“What should I say?” Servan asked, in that kind of conversationally pleading tone one takes up when they won’t admit to a mistake. “I can’t stop my ears like a rabbit, to sleep.”

See – said Nika to the shadow of his father observing in his head – this is what I mean. Servan was a very good Midraeic butcher. He was the kind of Midraeic butcher that argued with you in your own voice (and he always argued) and put lesson up to lesson like a card player matching suits. But the Prophet willed it, had he gone to Academy instead of Nika he would have excelled. Their butcher back home had been a comparative idiot, and he only had so many families to track and they were all intermarried anyway.

“So they gossip?” Nika said, dropping the word in his best ‘teacher’ voice, making Servan blameless in this insidious practice.

“The Ainjir gossip,” Servan corrected, as if no Midraeic person had ever in their life gossiped. “The Ainjir gossip about all things.”

“What ‘all things’ do they have to gossip about,” Nika said, genuinely disgruntled. Of course, he already knew that (Cole had told him of the things they not just talked about but published, might God be blind). He meant it more as a rhetorical complaint, but Servan only raised his brows and looked away, at the ground.

“Eha! They do not!”

“They do,” said Servan.

“And this is all the way across the city?” said Nika, meaning, of course, only the Midraeic people in the city. It was about sex (and it was only more proof of their godlessness that the Ainjir would gather up, typeset, and print about it. Cole had told him not to worry – it wasn’t that Nika had worried, but he had been certain there was nothing truthful to put in about HIM, at least).

“You know all it takes is one visiting sister and opa,” Servan made a little explosion with his fingers, like a dandelion head bursting in the wind, “all over town.”

“So, what – they believe the little books and gossiping sisters about my business?”

“Child, your business?” Servan shook his head, then tilted it and held out mirrored hands. “Your friend, though?”

This time Nika really was caught by surprise. “Cole?”

“He has a bad reputation,” Servan continued. “It’s not for me to say, but it’s being said, you know.”

“Whose business is that?” Nika asked accusingly. (The answer being, of course, that it was his business, and his business alone. True, Ainjir were always open for discussion, but among the people certain niceties should be observed).

Servan turned his hands out as if to defend himself, then took the tray out from under his arm for a fan. “You’re a nice boy. You’re sacrificing for the people. You could be married ten times over, have twenty little children, and have your own skola, but you have this Ainjir, and, oof, this Ainjir.”

“This Ainjir what?” Nika said angrily, at some point having passed over into just genuinely complaining to his butcher.

“The mind dances and the heart stumbles,” Servan said with a sigh. “You know you’re smart, they know you’re smart, but you wouldn’t be the first! Not even the first with just this one.”

“Oof,” Servan said again, for emphasis, as Nika stewed.

It was a testament to his investment in Nika that Servan waited for him – fanning himself all the while with his serving tray – to get a grip on himself.

Nika, for his part, felt both the gentle, early stab a headache and a ferocious, aching, emptiness in his chest. He rubbed his forehead and tried to ignore both.

“I am not a fool,” Nika said.

“I know that,” Servan said, pointing emphatically at himself, then at Nika. “You know that.” He gestured expansively out with his tray at the city at large. “Them? They only know this boy is no good for you.”

“Eha,” Nika sighed, dropping his hand back to his tea, “no good? What do they know about no good? Isn’t the whole thing no good?”

Servan shrugged with divine complacency. “The holy seek to drown in the ocean of being loved, and loving.”

That was some Ainjir-Midraeic bullshit (it wasn’t, it was a near quote of a very well respected Comidrian poet-theosopher blessed to know the Prophet in visions soon after His death; Nika couldn’t even say it was disputed. It was just… argued about heavily between branches).

Nika grunted, arms folded. “Maybe they should think I’m no good.”

“Never, my child.” Servan laughed, heartily, and slapped Nika on the shoulder as he pushed himself off the high chair. “Even if you were no good, could they admit it?”

Nika smiled as Servan went, waving him off, then leaned back against the wall to rest.

He shouldn’t be so upset. It wasn’t the worst problem.

They thought Cole was a slut.

This was not an issue he had been expecting. The issue he had been expecting was that Servan’s uncanny protection would not withstand public knowledge of his taking up with Cole in the first place. That Nika would be rejected, perhaps not from the whole, but from significant parts of the Midraeic community in the city. It was nigh miraculous to Nika it had lasted at all. Even now his face heated the way it had when he had come to Servan’s knowing that Servan knew.

Because of course Servan would know, eventually. There was no way to hide from a Midraeic butcher. Even with the Academy walls. Not for long, anyway.

And had Nika wanted to?

Maybe. A little. For all it felt like home now, he had hated the whole system of butchers for most of his life. He hated the roundabout words, that his business wasn’t his own, that any little thing became the whole town’s concern (and big things – actual sins – sometimes these fell to the butcher before to the priest, IF they even came to the priest at all (lay your sins at the feet of the Prophet! (the patient face of his father rose before his mind, holding his hands up like Servan had, asking for peace (and HAD Nika laid his sins at the feet of the Prophet? (his face burned even more now)))).

Back home, it would be different. With his siblings behind him, he would have marched to the other butcher and accused him of passing tales of no significance. It would have been a great row; Catillia and Ursula would be delighted. Nothing would be concluded, of course, but he would have had his say – directly, the way he wanted to.

Because then, his mother would have reported on the whole town’s reaction and settled any lingering disputes in quiet teas with neighbours. His father would disapprove of the whole thing, but only say so if things got so that he actually heard about it from someone else. But his father would studiously avoid hearing anything, because he, too, would only want to hear what Nika’s mother would have to say and hope that settled it well before it got to him.

(Would they now, though? Would his family – his siblings – be behind him?)

Servan had done well by him. To a degree second only to his father, Servan grasped and believed in what Nika’s purpose at Academy had been (and what was it now?). He didn’t have to be as supportive of Nika as he had been, but he was, even in the matter of Cole (he wasn’t pleased – nobody would be pleased, would they? – but he understood).

Many things were different for the people of Midras in the city, who lived so close among the Ainjir. Just… Not, apparently, this:

IF Nika was a Good Midraeic Boy, Son of a Teacher, etc (which he was, thanks in no small part to Servan’s patronage)

AND the people Must Accept he was courting Cole (a severe disappointment – they had daughters!),

AND Cole was an Ainjir (less trustworthy at the base of it),

THEN it was clear that the Good Midraeic Boy Nika had been Fooled by the Licentious Ainjir (eha! A familiar tale!).

THEREFORE Cole was an Unfaithful Slut Who Would Break Nika’s Heart (this was Not Allowed because it would be a blow to the pride of the city’s Midraeic people).

In this, Nika was doubly an innocent, because his father was Geronese Midraeic. A teacher, even, whose teaching was, in their kindest estimation, of a tradition they would ascribe to only the most ascetic penitents (ludicrous, and anyway, he had his mother, too (God, they knew fucking everything)). This only made the situation more tragic.

And what could the people do? They couldn’t say anything to Nika – it wasn’t any of their business(!), one didn’t meddle in affairs best left to family(!!) – but not only did Nika have no family here to protect him (!!!) they were under no obligation to the Ainjir.  But, as Ainjir, Cole wasn’t privy to the business of the people so it’s not like they could just talk to him, either. So, Cole was being gently ostracised for his amorality in community affairs.

Honestly, this could have carried on for years without them noticing. Except that Nika wasn’t willing to have his access to Good Food threatened, and thus was interested enough to try to solve the issue.

At least, that was the reason at first. If he and Cole wanted to live on suspicious meat pies on leave, they could.

But this was still a slight against Them.

If Cole and Nika were a Midraeic couple, the people in the city would understand it that way, too. To question Cole’s faithfulness – to pass stories about his reputation in anything but the Most Hushed tones – was to insult Nika. They were insulting his fidelity, insulting his intentions in the relationship, insulting his judgement and partnership, to act as if he would not respond to aspersion cast upon his partner. Nobody would tolerate gossip that labelled their daughter unfaithful, promiscuous, and nobody would expect the one courting her to accept such a thing.

The people should understand that he viewed it that way. They should see it that way.

Because they didn’t get to apply some Midraeic rules and not others to Nika’s relationship. They didn’t get to pick and choose how Midraeic he was, or in what ways. That wasn’t the way It Worked, or it certainly wasn’t the way he was going to allow It to Work.

And, purposefully or not, Servan had given him an idea for how to Make His Point.

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen.

I hope you're well. I was hoping you can possibly give me some general life advice?

I have the possibility to finally move away from home and live with a friend I've known for 8 years (I am 26). My homelife is allright and my dad is accepting of my sexuality but mildly transphobic to the point where I'm not out and don't feel comfortable bringing it up.

I have saved up a sum of money (above 5k) to fund this move but the only problem is I don't currently have a steady job. (I've freelanced for the past 3 but it's not enough to cover rent)

We'd be sharing the apartment and to get it I need to be on the lease. The idea of signing for something without steady income to cover it makes the alarm bells go off in my head. Me and my friend have discussed this and she assured me that she would cover the rent completely until I actually move in/find steady employment (her current apartment costs the same). We've also discussed what would happen if she were no longer able to afford the place and the full responsibility would fall on me, but she doesn't see that happening as she has her family to fall back on for that if she was suddenly unfit to work.

Am I right to still be wary? Should I just go along and sign the lease even though I'm really scared of the possible consequences? Should I just stop overthinking this and just enjoy this really good thing that's about to happen??

please let me know what you think

As a parent of several 25 year olds (3) and as a former 26 year old (long ago) I would say it is time to move out and try life as an independent adult. It sounds like you have a decent relationship with your parent(s) so if things went terribly wrong you would have a place to land.

There is never any guaranty in life that a roommate situation or even a living alone rental situation will go smoothly or as planned. It is almost a sure thing you and her will have to navigate some unforeseen incompatibilities or iron out some quirks to make cohabiting comfortable for both of you. It is part of life to learn how to negotiate needs and boundaries with other people. It starts as we become teens with our parents and then, for me, college roommates and then apartment living with 5 gay guys in the very early 90's.

I think you will find that the move to share rental space and responsibility will be mutually beneficial to both of you. It is best to not be financially reliant on each other, basically, with a short grace period to get moved and your feet under you, you should work to pay your fair share. It is a great idea that in the interim while you seek gainful employment you use the extra time to give a little more effort to the household. Extra cleaning, errands, cooking is a way to show you appreciate the short reprieve from being a full financial partner while you get settled.

Having a roommate can mean learning to negotiate what is fair in payment, cleaning, and other responsibilities but it is also nice to have someone around. Having a sound relationship with a roommate means a built in support. She gives you a ride when the bus won't do and you give her gas money. When she wants to travel for a few days you are keeping the house safe, watering plants and bringing in the mail. When one of you is sick the other can pick up some of the cleaning slack until recovery.

When I rented my first place with those 5 men I had just started a new job, fresh from my undergrad and going to grad school. I paid my fair share and contributed by cleaning the kitchen and shoveling the drive during snowy times. When I lost my first job I only had enough money saved for half the rent. I was not instantly homeless because my roommates picked up my share and in turn I did some extra errands and cleaning for the house. I worked VERY hard to get a new job and did after two weeks. I often wanted to quit that flower shop job but did not because I LIKED the independence and I enjoyed not owing anyone anything.

I believe you will find that moving on your own will give you much more drive to find a job with consistent earnings. It feels good to feel stable and be an equal contributor. Having your name on the lease insures you have some skin in the game. It ensures that you ARE accountable to pay your part AND save for future mishaps. If two people are working together to make living more affordable it is a wonderful partnership.

This world is not build for single income independent living. It has not been as long as I have been alive (54 years) and perhaps never has been. Mutually shared space and financial responsibility is a long standing survival tactic. And learning to communicate and navigate in such situations is a beneficial skill.

[casualheizouenjoyers]

“what is this, some shitty romcom? trust me i hate their guts…okay but you gotta admit they’re attractive—”

self indulgent heizou x reader work rivals to lovers i wrote because i cannot follow prompts for my own life (not to spoil the request but basically reader got MAD magic fr)

work rivals to lovers <3

picture this, you're a fellow detective who uses magic to solve your cases and you're just vibing and thriving in life fr

then one day you overhear heizou talking shit about how without your magic you wouldnt be as useful of a detective

and like he doesn't 100% mean that but thus sparks a rivalry between the two of you because he’s lowkey cute and you want any exuse to talk to him (and he's lowkey thinking the same-)

anyways sara is tired of y'all's shit which honestly valid she just like me fr and forces you guys to work together on a really tough case as she got an anonymous tip about a smuggling ring operating out of ritou that is planning on moving up from natural resources to living beings and it’s your job to find them and shut down the operation before it crosses that line (look at me writing a serious scenario guys)

y’all have to go undercover as two merchants interested in buying some resources for cheap and expressing interest in the possible expansion of local smuggling rings and since sara is making you share an accommodation to avoid suspicion you and heizou mutually come up with the idea to act as business partners with a strictly professional relationship

clearly the two of you don’t know what it means to have a strictly professional relationship considering how heizou can pick up very easily on how jealous you are when possible suspects flirt with him and he flirts back

which you adamantly deny just saying you feel bad for the poor soul he’s flirting with and how embarrassing it must be to either get caught because of some corny and terrible flirting or be innocent and get your heartbroken by said corny and terrible flirting

he’s just projecting though because no matter how much he tries to ignore it he feels the same whenever anyone flirts with you

shit hits the fan at a luxurious auction held by the ring you’ve been sent to catch, where you begrudgingly admit that he does clean up nice, to which he responds with a wink and says “only for you” before dodging a (harmless) blast of magic from you

the plan of the evening is simple, make sure the auction lasts long enough for sara and her specialized team to sneak in and capture the attendees of the auction using funds provided by the tenryou commission

and everything seems to be going well until the security outside the auction house is tipped off and mass chaos sprouts all over the auction house, leading to you and heizou aiding the tenryou commission and fighting off as many people as you can, compromising your aliases

heizou is by zero means a weak fighter but soon enough out of the corner of your eye you can see him starting to get overwhelmed and rush over to him quickly and holy shit heizou doesn’t think you’ve ever looked anymore stunning than you do right now with the wild look in your eyes shining unnaturally bright and palms coursing with barely restrained energy

needless to say you kicked ABSOLUTE ass

and when the chaos finally subsided and the battle is won you’re met with chants of your name before the world starts to fade away and the last thing you feel is someone rushing quickly to catch you before you collapse

when you finally come to you’re greeted by heizou dozing off peacefully in a chair by your bed holding onto your right hand

after a second he jolts awake and doesn’t try to hide the relieved expression on his face that you’re okay :)

he does complain how sara is making him watch over you until you’re all better but you both know he’s lying (and your suspicions are confirmed when you overhear heizou outside asking sara for a few more days off to make sure you’re not alone)

he’s the sweetest though, smuggling in any sweets you want from outside and reading mystery light novels together (and making it a competition of who can guess the twist first)

poor sara, now instead of being bombarded with requests from the two of you to not work together on any cases she has to deal with you both asking to always work together even if it’s a case as simple as finding a lost cat

detective power couple fr

[loquaciousquark]

Okay, if I want to have any kind of a good time in this playthrough, I have got to figure out the differences between these two characters in my head. A bunch of character rambling under the cut.

Tavish: rogue, survivalist, starts the game off very self-centered not necessarily out of a desire to have more than others, but because she knows if she doesn't take care of herself first, absolutely no one else will. Grew up in Baldur's Gate in a loving family with a younger brother who all died (I think of plague) when she was about ten or eleven. After that she was sent to live with her mother's sister, who absolutely hated having a kid kicking around her place, and spent most of her time drunk as a skunk and scamming the tourists & hoity-toity in the city.

Aunt used Tavish pretty regularly as a participant/face/distraction in these scams & that's where she picked up her light fingers. Aunt was violent in her drunken rages, & when Tavish was about fourteen she killed her aunt in self-defense. Hid the body and lived alone in the tiny (slum, probably) housing for as long as she could, hiding the fact that she was alone, until taxes came due and the whole story came out. At that point she took off on her own rather than go to some city-funded orphanage and spent the next several years living on the streets and trying not to step on the toes of the Thieves' Guild. Definitely got her bell rung a few times for picking the wrong target and wasn't quite good enough on her own to get into the Guild on her own merit. Once tadpoled, has lots of imposter syndrome and has no idea why anyone's asking her to lead this group (obviously should be Lae'zel). Just does what she needs to for herself and lets the rest of them follow along with some bemusement.

However, discovers as soon as she has an ounce of real power/ability that she can't bring herself to be as selfish as she was, that she has a genuine interest in helping others she perceives as weaker and in need of defense. A lot of pity, a lot of "let me extend my hand back into the muck I just crawled out of." Still talking a big talk, still saying all the hard selfish self-centered out-for-myself things, but when push comes to shove does the right thing and doesn't really care if she's thanked for it. Good at the "big-picture kindness," lousy at the one-on-one right thing when she's got her hand in someone's pockets.

It's why the tiefling abduction in Act 2 hits her so hard--saving them in Act 1 was the first real big gesture of altruism she ever managed in her life, and it felt like suddenly it didn't matter at all. However, Karlach especially gives her a lot of guidance on what it means to be kind despite the pain, and it's something she actively works on and becomes a lot better at it through Acts 2 & 3. By the end of the game, a perfectly reasonably mostly well-adjusted person who has a good time and mostly does the right thing.

Relationship with Astarion: built on recognition of mutual artifice. She knows he's using her from the start, and he knows she's letting him do it--he's fully aware she just wants the distraction and she knows he's ingratiating himself & they're both fine making that sort of trade. There's definitely a tangible attraction that starts the first night he feeds; she's surprised at how into she is and likes knowing she was his first humanoid bite even though she straight-up dies, lmao. I think they both enjoy their mocking flirtations because obviously they don't need them, they're already getting what they want anyway: a good time, mind off bigger matters, assurance of mutual protection in a fight. Only much later do they realize they've caught feelings. His comes somewhere around the arrival at Last Light Inn when she's very upset about the tieflings, and he takes her out in the woods and uses sex to help her forget her troubles for a bit, and her genuine gratitude afterwards is what kind of flips that switch in him from casual FWB to something he actually cares about preserving.

For her, she starts really caring for him about the same time, but it's not until he says something in early 3 about wanting to protect her and keep her safe that she gets hooked for good bc she's never really had anything like that since her parents died. Struggles to recognize her worth in the group outside of her utility; probably struggled with having overlapping skills with Astarion and really tried to make herself charismatic and winning in conversations to distinguish herself from him. Ride or die by the Cazador fight and has no idea what to do with this certainty that they're not going to give up on each other anytime soon, but genuinely eager to have some kind of future to look forward to for the first time since her parents died.

Overall, symmetry in the initial fwb -> genuine care pipeline, affection expressed as needling sarcasm and insults, feral defense when one is injured or in serious danger. Parallels in one spending centuries trying to climb out of the shadows and the other trying to hide herself deeper and deeper in them.

Tavaea: I'm still very early in Act 1 (just ran through the owlbear cave and met the tieflings), but I think where I'm landing is that she's playacting good out of a desperate attempt to counteract the dark urges. Ferociously needs to be in control and has an unspoken expectation (which she doesn't know the source of) that everyone will fall in line behind her. Of course she's the leader--why wouldn't she be? Of course Lae'zel should stand down with Zorru--how dare she speak up in the first place? Genuinely doesn't understand that not everyone sees it this way yet & really is clashing with Lae'zel a bit here.

Not really interested in the altruism of the deed--more interested in that it feels like the natural counterbalance to her desire to slaughter. If she's good enough with her actions, she'll balance out her ledger, right? Basically reactionary goodness. Even though she doesn't necessarily believe in what she's doing, has an unquestioned expectation for everyone else to obey her anyway and doesn't understand why they keep having opinions. Definitely is so wrapped up in her own problems she's not noticing any other party members' issues right now--I think the vampire reveal is going to be a genuine shocker.

Expected arc: starts doing right things for the right reasons, I think probably towards tail end of Act 2. I've read just enough to know to expect some NPC death(s) with this background, but I don't know when they occur, so I'll have to see how this shapes the narrative (and is probably the single biggest reason I can't bring this to be my canon Tav). I'd like to use this death as a catalytic event but that'll depend on the timing.

Expected relationship with Astarion: a surprise mutual understanding of compulsion and dependence and the desperate search for freedom and real autonomy. I'm not yet sure how the first night happens motivation-wise; I don't think she's capable of being attracted to anyone as she is right now. I think honestly she's going to be bemused by him more than anything--why is he flirting with her when there are so many more important things to be worried about & focused on?--and I'm hoping she'll be surprised enough to not run screaming for the hills. I do think she feels the easiest around him so far, just because she thinks he's least likely to be repulsed by the urges in her head, so that might help her acquiesce even if she doesn't find him sexy yet.

Interestingly, I haven't found her willing to share the presence of the dark urges to any party members yet (I have everyone recruited but Karlach), and very interestingly to me Astarion is one she actually CAN'T talk to about the urges! So far only Gale, Lae'zel, and Wyll have options for her to confess, and she hardly knows any of them yet. She doesn't trust any of them to not try to do anything risky and definitely doesn't trust herself not to retaliate, so I'm not sure when she's going to get herself over that hump.

Okay. I think that can get me enough to start with. Playacting good in a desperate attempt to get control of her life and balance out the evil she's walking around with in her head. We'll see if she ever gets to the heart of things as we progress!

[whiskeydickclaws]

Examine What You Decide Is Worth Donating To!

I don't mean this in a scolding way or a guilt tripping manner, quite the opposite actually! List out what you decide you can make the funds to donate to, what causes and situations you're eager to help with. Different people are moved by different things! Some want to donate to large conservation efforts, others feel more fulfilled if they donate directly to mutual aid funds for singular people with a story they identify with.

Having these different motivations is not only normal, it's good to recognize in yourself, because it shows you what you would feel best about interacting with *on a Community level as well*!

If you want to make a difference and you are overwhelmed, unsure where to start, look at your history with donations. Really examine them and find the common thread there.

Is your heart focused and warmed by the chance to help an individual person at a hard time in their life? That's wonderful! If you want to work with a charity or a cause that echoes that, look for senior help, community clean up, food banks, or child development efforts in your community! They offer a lot of options for helping people one on one, in a way that can allow you to foster a relationship and personal understanding of how your help is improving the life of a singular person you can empathize with.

If you prefer to donate to larger organizations that work with conservation, or human rights, or larger civil issues as a whole, then look locally and see what organizations like that run in your area! Do they need funds, do they have propositions and bills up for vote that you can garner support for in your immediate circles? Do they have volunteer opportunities stuffing envelopes or signatures to add to petitions? Things that can help you feel like you're effecting a larger change in the world that can turn it into something you can feel good about!

You don't have the emotional space or energy to care about every issue and every person in the world on an individual level. No one does, and no one should. What causes positive change is when you, personally, identify what you can devote that care and energy to, and then focus solely on the cause that you can interact with in a healthy and positive manner.

So examine what you're donating to, what you decide to scoot grocery money around to pass five dollars on when you see a post about it.

And then find something in your community, where you can do something that fulfills you, that's within your abilities to do.

It improves your life more than you'd think it could. Even if you can't get out there physically and dig up landfills and cherry pick beaches for old plastic, you can perhaps sit down one day with an older woman and ask "what can I do to help?" and in doing so, you'll be helping yourself as well.

[ajwrites52]

BATOBER 2023-DAY 1: REVEAL

‘What is a detective? It’s a question I’ve asked everyone who joins the mission.’

Batman stands tall in an all-too-familiar setting, the scene of a violent crime. He stood at the edge of the yellow caution tape in the corner of the living room, allowing him to peer over every inch of the crime scene. It was a homicide, and there were no signs of a broken window or any traces of a murder weapon that the officers could find. All that they found was the body of a dead man in the center of the room and a Teddy Bear stained with the victim's blood.

‘Each of them had a different answer to the question. I think it was an early way to determine how they would pan out as they grew and how they saw the mission.’

Batman knelt and removed the tarp from the victim’s body; a frown found its way onto his face as he recognized the gentleman. Thomas Matthew, they’d crossed paths once or twice when he served as a henchman for Falcone to pay off gambling debts. Bruce Wayne had helped fund his recovery and even given him a job as a staff accountant for Wayne Enterprises. Now, he was just another victim, left for dead in his home from what appeared to be a stabbing to his major organs. He then turned and looked at the Teddy Bear; it was pink with the addition of red from Thomas’ blood and sat close to his right hand.

‘With Jason, his answer was blunt yet clouded by his experiences on the street. A detective is someone smarter than everyone else in a room. Which is, sadly, something that’s all too true in certain circles.’

As he reached for the bear, he stopped and noticed something that grabbed his immediate attention. Thomas’ fingernails had two things underneath them: human skin tissue and cloth fibers.

‘Dick’s answer was simple yet hopeful, which reminds me of our mutual friend. A detective solves the mystery and brings them to justice. Which isn't wrong given certain individuals.’

He left the apartment crime scene and went downtown via the Batmobile, his mind still pondering over the teddy bear left behind at the crime scene. He pulled up the supercar in front of the destination, Wagner Toys, a small toy store in the Lower East Side of Gotham, and the location that gave Thomas a receipt for the bear the day of his death—closing hours had long since passed, not that it mattered given the lock pick he'd always carried on his utility belt.

‘Stephanie was close to the actual answer, probably the closest of everyone. Someone who takes the pieces of a puzzle and makes a solid image. I can admit that it almost got a chuckle out of me.’

Batman entered the store slowly; the appearance of shattered glass and broken furniture had ransacked it. He went to the register without signs of tampering or a forced cash withdrawal. That's when he turned his head upwards and saw a security camera staring back at the caped crusader with a red light blinking.

‘All of them had different answers. Each varied in its complexity and depth. Barbara said that, The law recognizes a detective as someone who can solve a mystery. I hope Jim is proud of her for that answer; she thought of him as she said it.’

The bedroom window was open, and Batman, ever an opportunist, sneaked through the window as he entered the apartment. The apartment didn't have much: a queen-sized bed, a flat-screen TV, and a fully furnished bathroom with a shower. But he could tell the difference between a home and a prison. As he walked towards the nearest door, he paused and ducked to avoid a baseball aimed at his head.

‘Harper was literal with it, but it carried a similar sense of anger as Jason did in his youth—a police officer who investigates and solves crimes. But in Gotham, it's just a cop who can get away with the real scum stuff. I should call her and see how she and Cullen are doing in Metropolis.’

Batman avoided another swing from the assailant before landing a solid punch to the attacker's stomach and uppercutting him into unconsciousness. Batman stood over his defeated opponent, Chris Mariano, a former driver for Falcone who was “fired” after it came out that he was planning on stealing one of Maroni’s shipments to sell Falcone. Batman had saved his life in exchange for information and told him to leave Gotham immediately. Batman looked disappointed in him before realizing he wasn't the person living there; he was just the guard to ensure the prisoner stayed in.

‘Cassandra only had one response to the question. Batman.’

Batman entered the next room and found a young woman handcuffed to the bed frame; black tear marks from her mascara stained her tanned cheeks. She was terrified, but even through tears, he could recognize her as Fabiola Maroni-Sal Maroni’s granddaughter.

‘Cassandra’s made me chuckle, but that wasn’t the right answer. Damian’s answer was, close-A detective hunts down criminals and brings them to justice.’

Cristiano groaned as he slammed the fridge shut after retrieving his fifth beer of the night, cursing up a storm as he slumped into his chair. As he continued his enjoyment of the Gotham Knights Football Game against the Fawcett City Tigers, he didn’t notice the pair of cold white eyes that sat behind his chair with only the blue light of the TV illuminating his black cowl.

“Cristiano Vinceti,” said Batman in his trademark low register. Cristiano screamed and fell out of his chair in panic as he threw his drink at the Dark Knight, who moved his head to the side and followed him slowly as he reached for the doorknob. A Batarang slammed into the door's wood frame, stopping him in his tracks; he turned to run the other way, only to slam into the cloaked frame of his stalker. Batman stood in silence before looking down at his bandaged right arm, the pieces were coming together. “We need to talk.”

‘Of those I’ve taken into my home and the ones I’ve raised. Only two have ever come close to the answer Henri Ducard taught me during his schooling. Tim and Duke.’

Jim Gordon sighed as he walked out to the rooftop, he’d been alerted by one of the rookies that saw something on the roof of the GCPD. Jim couldn’t help but chuckle as he walked outside to find a bruised and beaten Cristiano tied up to the Bat Signal with a bandanna around his mouth and a Manila folder taped to the seasoned criminal's chest. The folder said one thing, Truth.

‘A detective has one function that makes them different from any law man. A detective must reveal the truth and bring the culprit to the light.’

Jim pulled it off and smiled, reading the evidence found inside before looking around to find his caped friend waiting for him beside the Batsignal.

“Been awhile since you pulled this trick, what? Feeling nostalgic?” Jim chuckled at his own joke as Batman just walked out of the shadows.

“The murder of Thomas Matthew. I looked into it tonight, Cristiano Vinceti is the culprit.”

“Wait. Really? You think this goon would involve himself with a single random murder? I know this idiot, he started running with Black Mask’ gang as just a driver. Do you really think he’d kill a man he doesn’t know?

“He knew Thomas, maybe not intimately, but he definitely knew him.”

Jim opened the folder to find pictures of Thomas and Fabiola on several romantic dates, and some of just Fabiola in her apartment alone with her dogs and even sleeping. Jim growled in disgust as he found some that were of her just on the subway or with her friends.

“Even going back, I found psychological records from Cristiano’s time in college. He’d been expelled from Blüdhaven University after stalking several Freshman Girls back to their dorms. It was until one of them fought back and exposed him to the dean, that girl just so happened to be Fabiola. During his meeting with the board, he attested to doing nothing more than following his heart and being in love.”

“So then he murdered Thomas for nothing more than dating his target.” Gordon spat on the floor in the direction of Cristiano before closing the folder. “Thanks again Batman. We’ll make sure he gets his just desserts, but what about…”

“Fabiola? Turns out after killing Thomas, Cristiano hired help to kidnap her. I found her in an Burnside apartment, he might’ve had plans to go back but she’s already free and back with her family. You may be receiving a call from The Salvatore asking about Cristiano’s whereabouts.”

“Yeah well, I don’t blame him. That bastard messed with a man’s family, that amount of rage would drive normal men mad.”

“Yes. Yes it would Jim.” Batman said as Jim turned to head towards the door.

“So, you're gonna help us cut him down from there or…” Jim turned back and saw that the caped Crusader had already vanished like tradition. Gordon couldn’t help but smile as he looked forward and saw his friend looking back at him from several rooftops away. The two men exchanged a glance before the Dark Knight vanished into the night, there was still more work to do, and many more truths to reveal.

A part of my yearly attempt to write short stories based on Batober prompts created by Chris Samnee! Follow him on other platforms and let me know what you think!

[37q]

so yall know i gotta lor sis righ. well. fuck dude. those obligations from earlier. part rant part support seeking skip to the very end for that second part

context. 17 y/o not in school, homeless, lowkey estranged from her parents. father is unemployed and lying abt it, abusive and his ego is constantly reacting to his material precaritys impact on his manhood, sits at my old shop all day doing nothing. mom, actually employed, covering for dad, also used to work at my old shop before being fired for stealing a stack of cash, getting worse w her precarity and also sits at the shop a lot a lot. no idea where her lor bro sleeps. no idea how old he is too, could be 12 in an 8 year olds body for all i kno

so i pick her up at 1030, we go to the mall and check the ubreakifix type place and they dont work on iphone 8s. bet. we have a spare XR she bought off her big bro. missing sim tray, got a free replacement from the shop. go to the apple store, the XR is permalocked unless factory reset from the icloud acct tethered to the device (truly dystopian imo), schedule genius bar appt for tmrw at 11. take her back to her friends house, the one i hired a month before i left so she could have a comrade and a place to stay nearish work that isnt her moms (although they were kicked out of their motel right when i hired steven i think. so, unhappy coincidence?).

sis works then so i drop her off at work at 9 and take her phone w me. go home come back to the mall. genius at the bar says its busted, whatever. not like i been sayin that. its missing like the bottom 1/5 of the backing like straight up exposed circuitry and she leans it on its bottom edge on whatever flat surface she can find at her perpetually wet food service job. refurbished options more expensive than the cheap 'new' products, not saying much tho. deliver busted phone and info to her -- her mom and dad are there ofc -- go home. later pick her up that night (last night) and drive her to her gfs in the heights. oh also dropping steven and their mutual friend off at stevens on the way. whatever its like literally en route its actually kinda perfect every time.

apparently im picking her up this morning. Okay. oh yeah shes locked out of her paycard account. she locks the card when shes at 0 in case she gets an auto withdrawal thatll overdraft her. she got paid today so she was gonna unlock it but how did she access her acct previously? thumbprint. no password memory whatsoever. pretty fair, id say? she texted me asking for the last 4 of her SSN this morning. nobody picked up her call to the bank(?) until she called them in the car with me. the form required to change login credentials when u dont have account access required those digits and a form of photo id. no ability to access it from her ADP because the pw changed at some point but it still took her print.

reminder. shes homeless and out of school. she has a birth certificate but thats where my certainty of her documentation ends. ive run into this before where i wanted to start a real bank acct for her but they require legally viable photo id and even non driver state ids require 1. proof of permanent residence (X) and 2. proof of enrollment in school for minors (X) at the MVA.

so anyways weve kinda hit a wall with the limitations her unsupportive parents / guardians have provided! its taking up a large portion of my emotional, mental, physical, and temporal space in life right now so i wanted to make a post about it. my little bandaid desire is to at least set her up with a new phone which i estimate would be $200 minimum for actual 'verified third party vendors of used phones' but ugh i didnt budget for this.

oh the support seeking! if you know me and wanna ease the load on my sisters shoulders a but, id be grateful for some help raising funds for a new phone! ill include some $ links. if were unacquainted but youre reading this anyway and have a spare $5 wed love the support! thanks for reading :)

cashapp: $rmwperfect | venmo: @rmwperfect | paypal: @37q