#how to update php

[hostitsmartcanada]

Find the step-by-step instructions on changing the PHP version in cPanel to maintain compatibility with your website. Explore now!

[anesidore]

UPDATE 12/04: thank you so much for the support! i'll be closing donation channels now, as we have reached our goal. i really do appreciate the support!

i will be keeping the original post through a read more below for posterity.

hi everyone! i know i have a relatively small following but i wanted to take a chance to ask for help anyway.

my beloved cat alphinaud (alphy for short, alby if you're being cute) was a naughty boy and decided to go outside a few days ago (he's been an indoor cat all his life) and got into a fight with a stray, which led to a wound with an abscess above his right eye. on top of this, he has been struggling with urinary tract infection for the last year and the crystals in his bladder unfortunately flared up once more, so the vet recommended him to be confined at the clinic for the next few days as he undergoes testing.

so far our expenses has been PHP 23,600 (around USD 400) for all the tests he went through as well as the confinement fee, and i expect it to cost more as he stays in the vet for confinement. luckily i cobbled together enough money to pay for the 11.8k PHP downpayment for today, but i don't have any money left after that expense. i will be adding the receipt from the 50% downpayment under the read more below as proof of these expenses.

i hate to ask for help from strangers again, as i have already done so last year when his uti was first diagnosed. unfortunately i'm quite literally at the end of my rope here. i've recently lost my dad last month, which took quite a toll on me financially (and of course, emotionally) because of funeral expenses and the medical bill that we're still paying off.

my friends can attest that i don't really make a habit of asking for help even when i desperately need it, but i really can't lose another member of our family so soon after we lost my dad who i loved with all my heart. i hope whoever reads this finds it in their heart to understand where i'm coming from here, but thank you for reading up to this point despite how long it has gotten.

if you're willing to help, you can send donations at paypal.me/amunetis or if you are from the philippines like i am, you may send your donation through my gcash at 09175252352.

i will also be prepping a commissions post soon in case anyone is interested, if you need examples you can find it here in this link. i'll be updating this post when i'm done with preparations.

again, thank you so much for reading through this all. if you are unable to help financially, i would greatly appreciate sharing/spreading the word through reblogs or maybe even sharing this post through other sns like twitter or bsky.

^ 50% downpayment receipt that i paid today. i can also provide pictures of his test results and other things if needed as proof.

have another pic of alby as thanks for checking!

[catcze]

#CATCZE — Writing and Edit Commissions !!

Thank you for giving me your attention! For commissions, I will be taking two kinds: writing commissions and in-game edit commissions. If you're at all interested in commissioning me for these, please proceed below ♡ If you can't commission me, then I would greatly appreciate you reblogging this post!

— Check below for availability, T&C,  prices & more !!

Current status (02/02) : Taken slots

Writing Commissions: 0/3

In-game edit Commissions: Waitlist opening soon !!

Writing Commissions

To have an idea of what my usual work is like, my masterlist can be found here !

What I write :

Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail, Love & Deep Space

SFW & 18+ content

Reader inserts, OC fics, yume ships, character x character (selective)

Prices & Payment:

[SFW] 

Minimum of 100 words — 1 USD / 50php

For every +100 words you would like to add to the minimum word count, that is 1 USD / 50php. So 1k words = 10 USD. 2k words = 20 USD.

[NSFW]

Minimum of 100 words — 1.5 USD / 75php

For every +100 words you would like to add to the minimum word count, that is 1.5$ / 75php. 1k words = 15 USD. 2k words = 30 USD.

If you would like your explicit content to come with some sfw scenes for build up, please tell me so we can negotiate! You can indicate a minimum word count for sfw scenes, as well as a minimum word count for explicit scenes so you can save some money !! After the final piece is sent, the client may request minor revisions. Major revisions, depending on how much is to be changed, may cost extra.

Methods of Payment:

Payment accepted via payp or gcash.

After showing the client the initial draft (minimal editing, mostly only there to get a grasp for the plot/feel of the piece, is usually only 1/2 or 2/3 of the total word count) for suggestions and corrections, 50% of the total price should be sent for me to continue. 

Full payment is required only after I have confirmed that I have completed the commission.

Terms & Conditions:

Read my rules before you commission me. All do’s and do-not’s found in there apply here. 

I will not be taking commissions from blank blogs. Ageless blogs may not commission me for explicit works. 

Please have patience if you plan to commission me. Completion time varies according to details of the commission + my own personal circumstances. Expect about 2-14 days (or more).

I can send the final work to you, or post it on my tumblr. Whichever one works for you! You may repost it wherever you want (as long as it is for non-commercial use only) but you may not remove the byline ( ‘written by Catcze’ ). If you prefer that I don’t post it to my social media, please feel free to say so!

Feel free to ask for updates, but please try not to make them too frequent!

Please be open to any questions I may have! I want to make this as best as I can for you, and sometimes I may need to ask for details or clarification.

If you have any ideas, scenes, dialogue, prompts or whatever that you would like me to use as inspiration for the work, please feel free to tell me! They can be super helpful in knowing what kind of vibe you’d like ♡

If you would like to commission me, please fill out this form!

In-Game Edit Commissions

Important: See my comms carrd for more details !!

Here is an example of a full body edit (left) and a half body / profile page edit (right) !

Prices & Payment:

Full body edit — 50 USD / 2750 php base price

Half body / profile page edit — 40 USD / 2,200 php base price

Add-ons & fees: (Please see my carrd. Examples are found there + more details !)

Flat color back view: + 15 USD / 825 php base price

Custom Character design: + 75% of the base price

Complex character designs: + 5-20 USD — 275-1100 php (or more)

Extra changes fee: + 5-20 USD — 275-1100 php

I will not be taking commissions for characters with full body armor, furries, or anything out of my ability. After the final piece is sent, the client may request minor revisions. Major revisions, depending on their severity, may cost extra.

Methods of Payment:

Payment accepted via payp or gcash.

After showing the client the sketch for suggestions and corrections, at least 50% of the total price is required for me to proceed.

Full payment is required only after I have confirmed that I have completed the commission.

Terms & Conditions:

I can refuse commissions that I'm not comfortable with or not suited to do.

I will not be taking commissions from blank blogs.

Have patience if you plan to commission me. These commissions are heavy on the details, so the more detailed your character = the longer it may take. Completion time varies according to details of the commission + my own personal circumstances (being that I have a legit irl job lol) Completion could take up to 30 days after the sketch has been approved, so manage your expectations.

Final work will include a version with the background & UI details, and a transparent version with only your character. The files will be sent after it has been paid in full, via gmail or gdrive.

You may post your commission wherever you want (as long as it is for non-commercial use only). When posting the version with the full background, do not erase or crop out my watermark. If you will be using the png version (that doesn't have a watermark) remember to credit me when you use it.

Full refunds will no longer be issued after the sketch has been approved, unless I am the one cancelling the commission.

If the client does not respond within 20 days after i send an update on the commission, then I will consider the commission completed at whatever state it is at at that point of time.

By commissioning me, you agree to my TOS ♡

If you would like to commission me, please fill out this form!

Thank you again for the interest ! Even if you can't commission me, please feel free to support by reblogging this post ♡

[solradguy]

http://www.dustloop.com/forums/index.php?/topic/6496-gg2-overture-story-translations-updated-w-sins/

know if there’s any way to recover this? it’s a link from at most 2014

So I asked Tarkus about it, the lead Dustloop site dev, and there was a PHP upgrade back around October that threw a huge wrench into the forum code that messed it all up. Tarkus and one other person are the only two that can fix it and it's going to be a royal pain in the ass

In short:

It's kinda fucked, but getting it back online is on the to-do list, just very low priority

The data's all there, at least. It didn't get wiped or anything devastating

I thought I'd backed up the Dustloop forum translations of the GG2OMC stories but.................. It turns out I did not. I'm very sorry...

I don't know why/how, but none of the forums seem to be in Wayback Machine and I could've sworn I'd thrown at least the GG2OMC pages in there. Hm...

When the forums are back online I'll try to remember to make a post about it. If nothing else, I'm going to find a way to make a backup of at least the GG sections. A lot of early GG community stuff started in there and I want it for my archives

[doubledeadstudio]

Hello! Welcome to the official Double Dead Studio Tumblr, the solodev behind Reanimated Heart, Another Rose in His Garden, and Pygmalion's Folly.

Reanimated Heart is a character-driven horror romance visual novel about finding love in a mysterious small town. There are three monstrous love interests with their own unique personalities and storylines.

Another Rose in His Garden is an 18+ erotic Omegaverse BL visual novel. Abel Valencia is an Omega who's hidden his secondary sex his entire life. Life's alright, until he meets the wealthy tycoon, Mars Rosales, and the two get embroiled in a sexual affair that changes his life forever.

Pygmalion's Folly is a survival murdersim where you play as Roxham Police Department's star detective, hellbent on finding your sister's killer... until he finds you. 

Content Warning: All my games are 18+! They contains dark subject matter such as violence and sexual content. Player discretion is advised.

This blog is ran by Jack, the creator.

Itch | Link Tree | Patreon | Twitter

Guidelines

My policy for fanwork is that anything goes in fiction, but respect my authority and copyright outside it. This means normal fan activity like taking screencaps, posting playthroughs, and making fanart/fanfiction is completely allowed, but selling this game or its assets isn't allowed (selling fanwork of it is fine, though). You are also not allowed to feed any of my assets to AI bots, period, even if it's free.

Do not use my stuff for illegal or hateful content.

Also, I expect everyone to respect the Content Warnings on the page. I'm old and do not tolerate fandom wank.

F.A.Q.

Who are the main Love Interests in Reanimated Heart?

Read their character profiles here!!

Who's the team?

Jack (creator, writer, artist), mostly. I closely work with Exodus (main programmer) and Claira (music composer). My husband edits the drafts.

For Reanimated Heart, my friend Bonny makes art assets. I've also gotten help from outsiders like Sleepy (prologue music + vfx) and my friend Gumjamin (main menu heart animation).

For Reanimated Heart's VOs, Alex Ross voices Crux, Devin McLaughlin voices Vincenzo, Christian Cruz voices Black, Maganda Marie voices Grete, and Zoe D. Lee voices Missy.

Basically, it's mostly just me & outsourcing stuff to my friends and professionals.

How can I support Double Dead Studio productions?

You can pay for the game, or join our monthly Patreon! If you don't have any money, just giving it a nice rating and recommending it to a friend is already good enough. :)

Where do the funds go to?

Almost 100% gets poured back into the game. More voice acting, more music, more trailers, more art, etc. I also like to give my programmer a monthly tip for helping me.

This game is really my insane passion project, and I want to make it better with community support.

I live in the Philippines and the purchasing power of php is not high, especially since many of the people I outsource to prefer USD. (One time I spent P10k of my own money in one month just to get things.) I'll probably still do that, even if no money comes in, until I'm in danger of getting kicked out the street… but maybe even then? (jk)

What platforms will Reanimated Heart be released in?

Itch and then Steam when it's fully finished. Still looking into other options, as I hear both are getting bad.

Will Reanimated Heart be free?

Chapter 1 will be free. The rest will be updated on Patreon exclusively until full release.

Are you doing a mobile version?

Yeah. Just Android for now, but it's in the works.

Where can I listen to Reanimated Heart's OST?

It is currently up on YouTube, Spotify, and Bandcamp!

Why didn't you answer my ask?

A number of things! Two big ones that keep coming up are Spoilers (as in, you asked something that will be put in an update) or it's already been asked. If you're really dying to know, check the character tags or the meta commentary. You might find what you're looking for there. :)

Will there be a sequel to Pygmalion's Folly?

It's not my first concern right now, but I am planning on it.

Tag List for Navigation

Just click the tags to get to where you wanna go!

[artzymaiuz]

OPEN ART COMMISSIONS✨

Hey everyone! My ART COMMISSIONS are officially OPEN! DM me for more information✨

What I Offer:

(Icon/headshot, bust up, half body, full body)

- Rendered Art

- Manga style

- Chibi art

How to Commission:

DM me: Send me a message with your ideas, references, and any specific requirements.

Discuss details: We'll chat about your vision, style preferences, and pricing.

Prices start at 5 USD/300 PHP for CHIBI ART pieces, and 20 USD/1000 PHP for rendered/manga style projects.

Payment: Secure payment through Ko-fi (International) GCASH (local)

KOFI link: (ko-fi.com/artzymaiuz)

Duration: I'll get to work on your commission and send updates for changes and confirmation.

Once done, I'll send a Google drive link with your finished artwork✨.

Check out my Instagram for more examples of my work! (@artzymaiuz_ig)

Check out my Instagram for more examples of my work! (@artzymaiuz_ig)

#artcommission #digitalart

[coleshanzo]

In other news, Uncharted Waters was FINALLY updated. The chapter’s short, but I’m glad I got something out. I know how the entire story needs to pan out, it’s just writing it that is the hard part lol (I’m in PHP that’s been taking up my time and energy)

anyways, enjoy the mermaid au!! I have plans for this au :3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/64374001/chapters/166883017#workskin

[trainsinanime]

I've finally fixed trainsingames.com, so you can now actually read the things I wrote there, see the screenshots and so on. Just to be clear, this isn't my best work, it's all from 2013 or earlier, I'd definitely do and say things differently now, but hey, I still made it, and I don't want to see it gone.

The site is basically archived. I have no plans to write anything more for it at the moment. Never say never, of course, but given how few games I played over the past years, I don't really see it happening, sorry.

(I also have no plans to open it up to others, sorry, because that's something I'd need to manage, I'd probably need to install a proper CRM and so on, and I just don't have the time or energy for that among all my other hobbies.)

On the website front, I may do some changes, just to make it look nicer, but there's no set time frame for that. I also want to change it to a system where the site is just static HTML that gets regenerated from PHP when I update it (or something like that) to avoid any issues like this one in the future. For the record, the problem was that the Markdown parser I had from ~2007 didn't work with modern PHP versions, so I finally updated it.

And yes, I made trainsingames.com long before this blog, that's where I got the idea for this URL from.

[widowskins]

widowbase v3 and v4

Whooboi, there is a lot of discourse going on right now about JCINK coders. Perfect time for me to update some base skins!

For those who just want to streamline their coding process, I have updated my widowbase v3 to include a day/night theme toggle and made a few responsive tweaks to the vertical nav and sidebar. For those looking to learn how to use CSS grid and flexbox to create responsive forum designs, I added a new base, widowbase v4. This version includes some HTML templates that have a very ugly, extremely basic, but functional fluid grid layout. These templates also incorporate hidden divs (read as, display: none) that include the PHP variables frequently used inside those respective HTML templates, so you can easily delete everything I've done and start from scratch with your own. Then just delete the hidden div when you've used everything you need. Easy peasy!

For those of you just beginning your coding journey, I wish you the best of luck! It is such a fun and rewarding hobby. You are also free to rip apart any of the codes on my preview site and cobble them back together. These experiments can be a great learning tool! You are more than welcome to use any of my free resources as a base, as long as the finished product remains free. As for my actual skin bases (or template sets specifically labeled as bases), these can be used for free or paid skins. Make money or give it away, whatever works for you, just leave the credits given to resources intact so others can find out how to accomplish the same thing!

[kuai-kuai]

webdev log uhhhh... 6?

Haven't worked on my site in a bit because I think I fucked up somewhere in during the deployment phase so now it's hard to host it locally.... only the index page works and the css is half broken anyways, presumably because of laravel breeze's tailwind coming preinstalled. I DID have to jump through hoops to get it going during deployment.. just don't know which hoops so it's stuck that way >_>;; so now I can't host it locally for development......... I'll have to make things and just hope it shows up when I deploy them I think

Failed to listen on 127.0.0.1:8000 (reason: ?)

cool, cool. thanks. very helpful debugging message..

anyways, coded up a little php doohicky and updated my site! WANNA PEEK?

I wanted to migrate my fridge page (art others have done of my characters) to my site, but I didn't want to implement another table because YUCK I'm so done with that.

I wanted something more automatic because I'm lazy and I also wanted it to not look like it's from 2003 like my neocities to match with my new site. too much trouble!!!! including the stuff previously mentioned.. so I left it untouched for a while.

then I was talking with someone and wanted to try making this with php.....

it's pretty basic. finished the code for the script in like an hour maybe, and then later it was mostly just tinkering with the html/css itself to make it display all nice and grid-like.

all it does is take all images from a specified folder and spits them out.

it creates a DirectoryIterator object to iterate through the specified folder (at least, I think that's how DirectoryIterator works.... dunno) then for each individual file it checks if it's an image, gets the time the file was modified, then stores the file path and modified time in an array. then that array gets sorted via modified time (newest first), and then iterated through and BAM...

I'd prefer a better time system such as organize when the file was actually created, but if you paste a file into a new folder, "created time" gets changed to when you pasted it.. using file modified time is the only way when you aren't using a database and just want this to be all done automatically I think. unless I'M STUPID and someone has a better idea.. then please enlighten me.

ANYWAYS added The Fridge to my site using my lil code! :>

updated my About to include a link too...

also, I was looking up things and found this funny example code on stack overflow

let's all randomize our racism images.....

[hostitsmartcanada]

Find out the steps to check reboot and shutdown logs on the Windows server with the help of an event viewer to ensure system stability and troubleshooting.

[artsygirl0315]

Someone needs to stop me from making OCS, I do this to myself and I aM LOSING I—

Albert Intellene or "AI"

'An artificially intelligent robot made by Sector PHP but the design and blueprints were initially made by Armando when he was younger before starting his family business, Mella just happened to stumble upon it when cleaning up the attic.'

-They started working on Albert after their cadet training and kept him from the KND before eventually letting the current Supreme Leader know and letting them keep him as long as he assists them and not help adults.

-Albert was kept in the Burnham Household whenever they don't stay in the treehouse and Albert just happened to become attached to the home if anything, Both Jeremiah and Mella work on him to update his programming and remake his design to his pleasing every once in a while.

-He's very sassy and will not hesitate to stand his ground, Something you won't usually see in any artificial technology. He has his own personality and his own attachments with the sector, He's more close with Sector PHP due to either his program or how he just got used to them overtime.

-Albert's personality consists of being intelligent, charismatic, teasing, brassy and very playful. He's like the fun uncle you'd meet every week who has juicy gossips and always has a helping hand for any child. Typically what a parent's younger sibling would be like.

-Albert is sort of protective when it comes to children, he's aware that they are more than capable of handling the situation but still get that overwhelming feeling of at least being at assistance for them. He helps around Sector PHP as being a 'babysitter' for them but really is the main computer system of their whole treehouse.

-His robotic design can hide his gears underneath his suit, he can shift and unhinge some screws to pull out some mechanical parts like a computer screen, metal hands or tools. He is technically made out of a strong kind of metal but it's very malleable.

-He serves to assist Sector PHP with missions and what Moonbase sends as their missions or any message from different sectors of the KND. He organizes their digital files and lets them know whenever they need to send out some new materials or data to transfer.

[the-nox-syndicate]

SysNotes devlog 3 - Ability to create a new profile

Welcome back to my SysNotes update! SysNotes is a system management app for people with DID, OSDD, and those who are otherwise plural.

(I will keep the intro text the same in all devlogs for context)

This devlog will be shorter than usual because I didn't want to lump it in with the next feature, which I expect will be quite long. In this devlog, I will add a way to create a new profile.

First Devlog (1) | Previous Devlog (2)

Quick Refactor before we jump in

"So I did some refactoring off-camera..." - originally, everything on the page was happening inside one component. I decided to split it up into the main page and the profile section, which is a new separate component. This will keep my code shorter and easier to maintain.

I also added a way to refer to each profile individually by their ID in the URL:

(Colin's profile is ID 4, which is shown in the URL)

I was also storing profile data as separate variables, which would be inconvenient to individually pass into the new main profile component. So I moved them all into one variable:

(old | new)

Design of the New Profile form

To be honest, I've been dreading this part since the beginning. I mean, how do I even lay this out? 💀

It is common for developers to avoid UI design because they are "coders not designers". I, for one, quite enjoy web design. Still, this task feels quite overwhelming to me. So, let's take this little mockup I made and turn it into something usable 💪

Too much stuff?

I think the biggest challenge here is the sheer number of inputs. And as the app grows, the number of inputs in this form will only increase.

The only mandatory input for a new profile is just their name. Therefore, the first step should be separating the Name field from the rest of the inputs.

The new and improved New Profile form is looking much better now:

...Yes, really! That's the whole form!

You are unlikely to know everything about an alter that has just split, so all those fields are completely unnecessary for an alter to be added to the list. Every other detail can be added later through the edit mode, where each field can be edited separately without needing one giant form.

Another big reason why I decided to forego the big form altogether is that the code for saving a new profile and the code for editing a profile would be almost exactly the same (including validation), and it wouldn't make sense to duplicate this code if I can just use it in one instance.

Saving a new profile

Let's add some validation to the input field to make sure that the user enters the name in a correct format.

As the Name is stored in the database as a string, it has the maximum length of 255 characters. Trying to save a longer name than this will cause errors, so we need to validate the input to make sure it's safe to insert into the database:

Here's what happens when I input a whole paragraph of Lorem Ipsum text and try to save it:

On the other hand, a shorter name saves just fine:

By the way, these flash messages are added in 2 ways: the success is a session message, and the error is an error stored separately by the validator. The flash messages originally have no styling, so I defined those myself using Tailwind's "@apply" for efficiency.

Once submitted, the name list automatically updates with our new profile:

(And if I click cancel it just empties the input)

Okay, let's click on Jenny's profile to see what it looks like! ...Oh

This is because the code tries to access Jenny's status, but she doesn't have one yet, she only has a name!

(When I pull the data from the database, I'm trying to access a non-existent value)

(And when I display the values I got from the database, the display may break if the value is NULL)

(This error applies to all profile fields, not just status, however the app crashes after just the first error it comes across so the remaining errors are not shown)

This can easily fixed by using PHP's "isset()" and/or "empty()" function, which checks if a variable has a value:

(I'm using a ternary operator as a more compact alternative to if-else. it basically goes: "if this condition is true ? then do it : if not, do something else")

(And here I just check if these values are not blank before rendering them)

Success, Jenny's profile shows!

Now, we just have to populate this profile with data about Jenny, and to do that we'll need to be able to edit each field. I will work on this in the next devlog, as I expect this to take quite some time.

Thanks so reading! As always, any suggestions are welcome!

[musogato]

My website had its 23rd anniversary today. To celebrate, I brought it back from the grave. I mean, technically. It currently only has the front page and the (very necessary) 404 page, but its better than the nothingburger that's been there for the past year when the server it was on died and took everything with it.

Twenty-three years. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure reviving it isn't a mistake. I was 16 when that site went up. I am, very much, no longer 16. I don't blog about myself like I did back then. I don't create like I did back then either. Fansites are very much a thing of the internet past, and just glancing at html/php coding and what updates I would have to make to my old pages in order to safely upload them gives me a headache. There was a reason why most of my sites hadn't been updated in seven years. There was reason why I let it sit, deleted, for most of last of year.

And as much as I am proud of Distant Horizon and all the hard work I put into it, and how my heart is warmed by people who still came to visit it long after it had gathered dust, or used the TCG card image gallery for their current games, it doesn't change that it's all still visible and accessible on the internet archive. Nor that I still, very much, do not ever want to update it with modern atla info ever again.

I'm sorry, I'm old and tired and got other things I want to do.

So why revive it?? why pay for hosting, why go through the trouble of updating the code and uploading everything once again, if I'm not committed to keeping it online? If I don't have any other ideas for what to do with the space? I don't know. Part of me jokingly wants to make a WHA fansite that just. highlights my favorite characters. Make some old-school LJ icons, or little blinky banners. God is that Fanlistings site even still up??

So much has changed. And it feels like everything is unraveling at the seams. But I laughed, seeing my old homepage in that sky-blue color. Seeing that silly Appa art with the gaang barely hanging on on the 404 page. Musogato.com was my home before everything else took over online.

So happy 23, MG. I don't know what your future is, but then, it's not like I know mine, either. 🎂

[never-not-ever]

The Last Hour

I'm scrolling on Tik Tok and I land on a clip from Girl Interrupted. It's not triggering or anything so I search "girl interrupted" and just scroll through there. Even a clip of Daisy's suicide didn't bother me.

What got to me was a clip of Lisa in the beginning being dragged out of a room about to be restrained and IM'd. That just brought me right back to the unit. How traumatizing it was, hearing restraints, seeing my close friends in the chair. Lisa in the clip begging "no" echoing what I heard on the unit.

So I went in my kitchen and sat down on the table. There's no chairs and it's not even used as a table it's just against the wall. This table has become a new place for me when things get too much. As I'm typing these words I'm realizing that this table is the corner at the end of the unit, in between a shower room and the QR. I'd sit in that corner because not a lot of people walked down that hall. That corner was my place to go on the unit when things got too much and now this table in my kitchen has become my place. Sad.

Back to the last hour. So I sit on the table and I start recording a video just to get the thoughts out of my head. I don't know why I didn't just type out a note, I guess it's easier to just talk. It was a short video just explaining what had happened (second paragraph up top). And then I was hit with this realization. You see I am my worst critic, I invalidate myself, I worry how things will look if x, y, and z happens. I tell myself you're just playing out these "would be" conversations because you want them to happen. You keep thinking you're going to end up back in the hospital because you want to go back...

I owe a lot more of an update than just the past hour but for the past 3 weeks yes it's been a worry. I've said "I'm surprised I'm not back yet" and "it's probably going to happen soon". But the past few days it's becoming more of a legit fear and I really want to have the conversation with my therapist tomorrow about it. She's a new therapist and I've said those two things above but like it's not actually talked about like reasons to go back, how I would feel, etc.. and for the first time I'm actually going into therapy knowing how I want the session to go.

And my point of this whole post is that I'm finally validating myself that no I do not want to go back to the hospital. My inner critic tells me all the time that I just miss the safety there and being cared for, that I want to go back and I don't need to go back. But after tonight why on earth would I want to go back to a place that has given me so many traumatic memories? Sure there was "safety" although in my case there was only so much they could do to keep me safe and I still found ways around it. Sure it was a "comfort" at times. The staff would listen and I could tell they cared.

But none of that outweighed how much the acuity of the unit affected me. For months all I wanted was to leave, was actually playing a role in my discharge and actively trying to make it happen. All I wanted was to leave, even the day I left when I was filled with so much anxiety and fear, I still wanted to leave. So why on earth would I want to return to that?

go out for a drive whenever I want

cooking

cuddling with my cats

spending time in the bathroom with privacy

walking around my apartment in shorts and a tank top

being able to take my time doing my nails

being able to use my laptop and phone while they're charging

sleeping in total darkness

It's a sad, short list that mostly involves being at home.. *spoiler alert* I'm not in PHP anymore and don't have a job nor do I have a social life. But we'll save all that for an actual update at some point? It's funny all I have is downtime, you'd think I'd be on here live blogging my pathetic excuse of a life.

But for real.. I've grown used to my comforts here and I know for a fact I'm not going back inpatient unless it's needed for my safety.

I guess this post was basically just me proving a point to myself.

[kriskukko]

Hello!! I hope you are doing well. Your art is so freaking amazing 👏 I'm just enjoying my time looking at all of it!!! I did have a question tho-- how did you make your webcomic website? I'm curious of the all the steps you took!

this is going to expose my age and personality, but my website making process has two steps in total

-- get the domain/hosting (mine is over at a finnish hosting site) -- code it

and when i say code i mean like, some real mid 2000s shit when i was 13 years old. straight up barebones html and css. there are many good actual website makers these days, but i am a self-proclaimed control freak nincompoop so to me it has always appeared faster to just 'make it from scratch' to get exactly what i wanted (i owe w3schools.com my everything by now probably). i figured -- worked for me a nigh decade ago why wouldn't it now? its still just a string of links is it not (and while it was A THING to have back in the day, am glad iframes are no longer around). i have upgraded my game with some very rudimentary php since ye olden days, but even that i only use for one of the graphic novels. turns out you can really make updating a website and layouts and stuff easier by making a composite out of multiple files and then updating the parts separately. SO NEAT. i will acknowledge that while i thought of responsiveness in the coding process, it is probably not perfect. this is my blatant mirror marketing, since i personally prefer to read things on bigger screens and it is the headscape the art was made etc etc. as such, i'll just take this opportunity and formally apologize to everyone on mobile if the experience is atrocious at your end. with that said -- thank you for the kind words and the question! they brought much joy and nostalgia to my afternoon <3