#however horrible it is i’m gonna be real here i feel more for ppl in northern qld

[danielnelsen]

how are we enjoying the 38 degrees lads?

[hees-mine]

i've been inactive but i just caught up on your page and wow! The patreon is def a good marketing idea lol. There will definitely be people who pay to read your works since desperate horny ppl with money buy anything😂this whole "i don't have enough money" excuse is tickling me bc it seems like these ppl have more things to worry ab than begging for part 2s😭.

but yeah it was a bit surprising bc even though writing is time-consuming and im not getting paid on here, that's not what I do for it for. I genuinely like expressing my creativity for the fun of it and over time it feels like a piece of art. its just fun idk.. it's kind of mind-boggling that you're complaining about not getting anything in return because what else would you get in return? All your supporters can do is like comment and re-blog, they can't do anything else bc it's just a social media platform lol. i'm a pretty big page but even if it were 20 people reading I would still enjoy pleasing those 20 ppl. If the hate or negativity ur referring to is getting that bad I personally would just turn off asks!

ur gonna do what you wanna do and you'll make money regardless so kudos to you! It's just that i don't think this writing field should be taken so seriously or have such an effect on you, and heeseung is a human being in real life, so it is kind of weird that you'd want financial gain from it since he can't consent to that. but hey I support everyone's hustle.

you have amazing stories on here so I took a sigh of thanks that you're not going to delete or deactivate. They get me through a lonely night girl.😂😂def just delete the app if it ever gets too much for u!

Sigh

The wording of this is horrible

A lot of back handed compliments here but it’s all over text so maybe I’m not reading it right so I’m not going to dive into it

As far as money goes people can do whatever they want with it if they have it they have it if they don’t they don’t I’m not going to get into peoples finances let alone call it an “excuse” however I do agree their are more important matters than asking for a part 2

Key word YOU don’t do it for that reason me and you are two different people I don’t do it to make money either cause this blog was free to the whole public in the beginning so money was not on my mind when I made it

By you saying “i genuinely like expressing my creativity for fun” implies that I don’t

Im sorry that your mind is boggled because when I said I don’t get something in return was not in regards to money it’s a simple request for respect thats what I’m not getting here is basic respect and thats all I’ve been asking for for the past couple months

I get how social media works lol and the thing is I don’t need numbers or reblogs simply appreciate and respect my wishes and we’re gucci over here I don’t care if I had one reader as long as you’re appreciative of what I take time out of my day to do I’m cool with that

The negativity comes in more forms than just my ask box

I’m not taking it seriously and I don’t think anyone else is either clearly at the end of the day it is by no means affecting me in my personal life

Geez

This isn’t about “financial gain” it’s an opportunity for me to try and find the people who actually care about what I do and weed out the ones who just mass consume content with zero feedback sure I’d be making a little money off it but it would never be enough to sustain anything in real life I’m not greedy for a few bucks

So basically with that logic if him not being able to consent to me writing stories about him and making said money from those stories people would have to stop making fanmade items as well cause he’s not consenting to that either

Or is this different because there’s smut involved?

Either way it’s neither here nor there

Again the financial gain part is not even what I aim to do like I said some money would be involved yes but I’m not out here asking for 200$ dollars

Don’t know if you looked far enough but I’ve stated multiple times that if anyone had questions about pricing and what content they’d like to see then shoot me a dm/ask I’m open to making this a place where my readers can be happy and I can get away from the negativity that has plagued this blog

Thank you for liking what I put out i appreciate it🩵

It’ll never be a point where it gets too much because as I stated it’s just annoying but other than that it doesn’t have an impact enough for me to delete my blog it’s only an issue on tumblr

If I do ever delete it’ll be because I’m done with writing

Thanks for the input I hope my response just gives a little more insight on what things are like from my pov

[arrtemisia]

Hey so... If you could redo cannon Makoto what would you do? How would she change? I'm curious cause out of the main cast she was the only one that I just couldn't get a solid interest in (aside from Ann but that's just cause the idea of her being a fashion model confuses me more than anything I think)

God. So much stuff.

There's a couple big things about her that bug me, and none of them really change at all in her canon vs fanon portrayal, which means it's hard for me to enjoy her even in fanworks. In my opinion, I think her biggest flaw is that she's simply miscast, and her character would have worked much better as a confidant instead of a thief, which would've given her a place of her own to shine and avoid the weird dissonance between different aspects of her character (and this was actually their original plan, so Hifumi would have taken her place which. She would've fit in much better imo bc she's actually suffered under another's will like every single one of the others and she's an actual strategist instead of just """smart,""' but that's a topic for another post), but since we're talking about how I'd personally fix Makoto in the role she currently fills, I'm going to list some of the issues I take with her and potential solutions.

First of all, just to get it out of the way, she needs an actual reason to be here. She doesn't have one, full stop.

The big thing tying the thieves together is that they're all victims of abuse and oppression who rebel against their tormentors and want to prevent anyone else from suffering like they did. I'm not saying Makoto has never struggled, because she has, but it's really, really not the same type of struggle.

This leads to weird moments where everything about Makoto's personality and characterization, such as being a stickler for the rules, idolizing the police, etc mean that she has no in-character reason to stick with the thieves after kaneshiro is dealt with and should maybe even be opposing the thieves' way of doing things, but the plot drags her along anyway because the game really wants her to be a party member. And really, what's up with her awakening? She gets threatened once and then bang-boom-kapow she has a persona? It's weak.

Also before anyone says "well all those things about her personality change when she awakens and she sheds her good girl personality and yada yada," no she doesn't, actually, and I'm getting there I promise

The easiest solution here is also the most drastic. Swap when Makoto and Akechi join. This kills two birds with one stone; Makoto gets an actual reason to awaken through Sae, and Akechi's betrayal hits harder because he's pretending to be with you for longer (although admittedly this is much less needed on Akechi's part ever since royal).

Not only does this give Makoto a much stronger reason to awaken and join in the first place (Sae starts twisting into something horrible and Makoto wants to help both stop and save her), but it also gives her an internally consistent reason to stick around. Before, unlike the others (who all at least have "I want to stop others from feeling like I did," or in Futaba's case, "I wanna find the ppl who killed my mom."), once Kaneshiro is done with, Makoto has no real big personal reason to stick around other than "I'm a thief now and the plot says so ig." Now, of COURSE she'd want to go after Shido because he's the one that was manipulating her sister, and after that of COURSE she'd want to help take down mr divine sippy cup in order to get Shido tried and jailed.

However, if we're not going to shuffle around the order of party members bc that'd nuke the canon plot a little, then we need to rework the entire Kaneshiro arc and/or Makoto's backstory and values as a whole. Yeah this is why the first solution was the easy one.

I'm going to go in-depth about how I feel Makoto's personality and values should be reworked later I'M GETTING THERE, so I'll talk about that then. As for reworking Kaneshiro, I... don't have a whole lot of ideas. The palace itself is fine, it has one of the coolest atmospheres in the game (c'mon, there's got to be a fun bank heist in a game like this), but Makoto's connection with him is very weak. Maybe have it be that he was extorting her for years in secret and she never said anything? Maybe have him be the one that ordered the hit on her father? I'm not sure what would be strong enough to match to the other palace leaders, without feeling forced. I'll have to come up with more ideas for this one.

The second big issue I have with her is less of one specific thing and more of a collection of smaller problems that all come from the same source. She waltzes in, takes over, and starts acting like she's the boss of things. She then names herself the "strategist" and yet only ever states the obvious and, to use a word I hate, mansplains things to you that you already learned two palaces ago. She's constantly condescending and passive agressive to the other team members, especially Ann and Ryuji, berates everyone for not being as naturally book smart as her when all the other characters are smart in their own ways and just not good at academia, all the while everyone around her, even characters that normally wouldn't take that (ryuji, ann) or are too prideful to admit to anyone bring better (mona), are constantly like "You're so cool, Makoto!"

It's a classic case of show don't tell, and rhe game is obsessed with telling you that Makoto is "smart" and "cool." Once she joins the team, all the characters that were originally shown to be smart in their own ways are never allowed to say anything meaningful ever again bc Makoto is the "smart" one. She never does anything particularly different compared to the other party members, but the game is constantly insisting she's special.

I'm very hesitant to call her a mary sue, because I don't think she is one, and also I disagree with the use of that term at all as these days it's just meant to devalue powerful characters that happen to be girls, but I definitely think she's emblematic of a common writing flaw that can lead to mary sues. The problem with making a character the "smart" one as a personality trait instead of something that just comes naturally is that you have to dumb down everyone else's characterization to make them look smarter or cooler by comparison. It means that the character you're trying to prop up bends everyone else around them, making them act in ways they normally wouldn't in order to make the one character you're trying to look cool seem better by comparison.

This has an easy solution: cut that shit out. Have her slowly find her place on the team naturally instead of forcing her way in as a pseudo-leader. Don't give every single "well, duh" line to her, and cut the scenes where she stands around explaining obvious things you already know in a condescending manner so she looks smarter. Let the other characters actually act like themselves when they're in the same room as her instead of bending around her to prop her up. Have her treat those characters with respect in turn, bc for all intents and purposes when it comes to thief stuff they are her senpai, instead of just having her act like she's better than them, or boss them around, or be passive agressive about the fact that their grades are bad. Show that other characters are smart in other ways instead of acting like Makoto's book smarts are the end-all be-all. And for fuck's sake, stop acting like "smart" and "punches stuff real good" are personality traits, which leads me into my last big point.

Makoto and Queen don't really feel like the same character. Okay, so to explain this, let's walk through her awakening again.

Makoto is a good girl who's a stickler for the rules, sucks up to authority, idolizes the police, is obsessed with her grades and academic performance, and looks down on others who don't do the same. A couple people call her useless and then she gets threatened by a mob boss, after which she decides to live her life for herself and completely shed her good girl lifestyle and rebel against everyone pressuring her.

That is, except for the teensy tiny detail where she doesn't.

Nothing significant about her personality changes all post her awakening and joining the thieves, aside from the part where she sucks up to authority maybe a little less. She's still uptight, her grades (and the grades of those on her team) are still her top priority, she still idolizes the law and those enforcing it.

Y'see, persona has a bit of a common problem with saying one thing about a character, be it making a reveal or saying they're gonna change in some big way, but not fully committing to it. You can see it most in p4 (party members saying they're gonna quit/stop/do whatever and then backtracking in the last two ranks of their social link), but it's rarely so severe that it completely ruins their personality and character arc as a whole. Makoto, I feel, is the main exception.

The writers want Makoto to become this tough, rebellious biker queen who oozes badassery in every move and will never follow anyone's wishes for her ever again, but they also want to keep her old personality of the uptight naive rule-following law-abiding academic. So, instead of altering one to better fit the other, they try to do both... badly.

Instead of integrating the two parts of her personality, it just feels like she swaps between them whenever the plot calls for it which is really, really jarring. She'll be stuttering about following the rules and getting to know her generation one second, and then the next she'll be yelling about mowing down shadows with her motorcyle the next. It feels like Queen and Makoto are two separate uninteresting half-characters, with only a couple personality traits each, instead of one whole well-rounded character.

Either rework Makoto's thief aesthetic to better suit her personality as a whole and give her something other than "I'm totally not a good girl anymore" to make her compelling, or actually commit to Makoto shedding her past life everyone around her had forced on her and change her personality. Have her grades start to slip, have her talk back to Sae, change the way she dresses so it's rougher and less perfect, hell, maybe even have her quit student council. Just, anything to make her more well-rounded as a character.

I have some other nitpicks with her here and there, like the fact that her confidant is actually just Eiko's confidant and doesn't give Makoto herself any development, or the way the game keeps trying to set her up as Joker's waifu or whatever, but those are just that; nitpicks. The three big things I mentioned earlier - her not having a compelling personal reason to be a part of the thieves, the way the writers shove her into the spotlight by putting down everyone around her, and the fact that her characterization is just one badass half and one smart half that don't mesh and have little else in between - are the problems I feel are what's actually holding her character back.

Again, I do think that all of this stems from the fact that she's miscast, but it's too late to fix that now. While I personally really dislike Makoto, I do kind of understand her appeal for others when she's written well, and she's a totally valid character to like. I just wish she was portrayed better.

(Also, if anyone wants to reblog this, feel free I ask that you please don't put this in Makoto's main character tag. I know how much it sucks to get a bunch of negativity in a character's main tags as I am an Edelgard fe3h fan)

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

[lonelyshrimp]

What happened with your roomies if you don’t mind me asking...?

 Yknow what I’m in a mood and they don’t know my tumblr (haha they think I’m a cisstraight girl lol) so let’s get into some shit. Imma put everything under a read more bc imma rant a bit and this is gonna get long.

TW: food, unsanitary (general things not being kept clean, typically bathroom and kitchen related), drug use, fighting, slurs

tl;dr if you dont feel like reading this beast:

They steal what food i dare leave out in the kitchen rather tan keep in my room

They slam doors excessively, fight, yell horrible things to each other, have friends over yelling at like 2 am (last night for example)

Leave the doors unlocked and open?? We cant even lock the front door anymore??? (Dw the doors to our rooms all have locks. If I’m in my room or out of the house, my door is locked)

Constantly throw around the r slur. Like. All the time. Including one person having called me it. Y i k e s

One person keeps smoking in the house even though i’ve asked numerous times (and even have a note on my door) asking people to please smoke outside, it gives me headaches. You are physically hurting me stop.

Don’t Clean Anything. The kitchen is a wreck. The toilets are constantly clogging, I Am In Hell.

For context: the house is a one story house divided into a main floor and finished basement. It’s a rooming house and the basement is largely seperate from upstairs. (They have a kitchen door that they keep closed and locked.) The stairs to the basement are split into two smaller flights, with a landing in between the floors. That’s where the side door is. The public spaces upstairs are the kitchen (connects to stairs), the hallway, and the two bathrooms (big main one, tiny water closet by the front door). The rest of the upstairs is split into five rooms. For comprehension sake, we’ll call my roommates: The Couple (M&F), A, T, and J.

Mmkay lets start with the least egregious and move our way up, shall we? Theft! Of anything and everything! No one can have anything out in the public areas if they actually care about it. It. Will. Get. Stolen. Now, I have a mini fridge and the second biggest room here, so I’m lucky in that 99% of my groceries, as well as all my other belongings, fit in my room. There’s just a wee problem: I don’t have a freezer. Not to fear, past naïve me thought, I’ll just clean out and use the locked freezer since I still have the keys for that fridge! (We have two fridges and food theft was a problem beforehand and so me and my friend who lived here cleaned out the second fridge to use as our own and kept it locked.) I decided to do this after I had bought myself some ice cream, wrote my name on the top, and put it in the main freezer. I go to have some ice cream later that week, I open the tub for the first time (as in I removed the seal holding the lid onto the tub) to find that someone eaten half the tub of ice cream while making it seem like it hadn’t been opened. I know it happened at home bc the spoon marks were clear as day and I have to walk 20 minutes back from the grocery store. That woulda melted by then (Also I would’ve noticed at the store that. The tub was hella lopsided??? And way too light???) So yea of course I’m ticked now, I spent 6 bucks on that bro like just ask or get ur own??? So I put it the other freezer, and for a while it’s fine. Next month I decide to treat myself to some frozen waffles and some chicken strips and come home to find that the hinges holding the locks onto the doors of the fridge were torn out of the fridge/freezer doors. Like. The screws were pried outta this metal door rendering the locks completely useless (to the point i wouldn’t even be able to put the hinges back on.) And the cherry on top?? My ice cream was gone!!! Hope u enjoyed it, asshole. So whatever. Fine. I put my food away and. a week later?? Im like “Man i could go for some waffles rn”. I bought 2 8 packs. One chocolate chip, one cinnamon (y’all i literally buy the cheapest ones Zehrs sells. 2,19$ a box y’all. not even eggos). Surprise surprise!! The entire box of choccy chip ones GONE. Mind u, i wrote my name on all of these boxes, as well as a very large “DO NOT EAT”. so i begrudgingly had a couple (note that, 2) cinnamon waffles and move on. A couple days later I go to have some more and. The waffles are completely gone. Out of a total of 16 waffles, ya boy got a solid 2. (It’s worth noting that there was a single waffle left, but at 0,27$ a waffle, I didn’t mind leaving the box on the table with a note basically reading “these are cheap af, buy ur own bitch”.) (I didn’t swear that much tho)

I’d add the bike to the list but i can’t confirm nor deny that one of my roommates stole my tires and seat off my bike (although M does work on bikes all the time so man idk.)

Next up: wow people here are l o u d. I’m talking slamming doors all the time, slamming things around, yelling, playing music wildly loud. It’s awful. Like. You can just. Close the door quietly? Stop slamming things around please? It’s awful because loud sudden noises make me panic and lemme tell ya, wakin up at eight am bc your a-hole roommate decided to slam the door eight times bc the front door is broken because someone took the border around the jamb off instead of fixing it so we can actually?? lock that door?? because it doesnt quite fit in the jamb and so the only wat to lock it was the chain lock and. someone took that too so thats fun :)))))). The side door isn’t that much better. We have a code lock and. No One Ever Locks It. Like. I’ll come outta room and?? It’s just open????? Close the door???????????

The worst, however, is the fucking fighting. The Couple love to argue all the time. and yell at each other and slam the doors or smashing shit and they yell pretty awful things to each other. Like. I’ve heard M call his gf some awful shit. It’s worse when they have people over too. The other day there were like. 14 cops in here bc of them at like 2 am. Cue me, 2 am, trying to watch a livestream and seeing like??? Six cop cars pull up????? Wh a t????? Not fun not good for my brain.

God and. What is with everyone and the r slur??? Like what?? there are so many words you can choose stop using that word. Like okay the other night someone?? took the dc adapter for the wireless modem and one of the dudes downstairs as well as the couple were looking to see if they had a compatible dc adapter and so i just decided to wait?? and i just spaced out a bit okay whatever i was lookin at the wall like i do and fuckin. the couple had a couple friends over and one of em was chillin between the kitchen and the hall and M yells out from his room “Hey don’t you feel weird with this creepy ass bitch standing next to you? Like what is she, m*ntally r*tarded?” like wow okay dude i’m literally not doing anything. Luckily his friends reaction was basically “?? She lives here?? She can stand there if she wants??” (wow referring to myself as she feels weird and wrong).

A big problem I have is I feel like theres a community in this house that I just don’t fit into? Part of it is I’m like. the only person here who doesn’t do drugs of any kind?? Like I have nothing against ppl who use drugs like whatever bro, but it feels super othering to me when i can’t relate to anyone here because of it. That and. Getting T in particular but really just anyone but A to respect me asking that if you’re going to smoke anything to do it outside because weed and to a lesser extent cigarette smoke trigger my sensory disorder and causes me pain and causes sensory overload and I still find myself asking people to smoke outside.Like I’ve never been unreasonable and said “no drugs in the house” or some bs. I’m just asking u to respect my disability thanks.And like?? I’ll get into this in a second but there were needles in the toilet?? Bro throw them out properly.

And now: Hell.

Can no one clean up after themselves?? Do your dishes. If theres food left on your plate, throw it out first, don’t dump it in the sink. Seriously the kitchen sink is fucked. The kitchen is gross. The microwave ugh ugh ugh no thanks. No one can clean everything. This is why all my cookware and dishes are in my room. That way I can make sure I 1) Still Own It and 2) Its clean and usable. I clean them as I go and just use my own shit.

Nothing compares to the bathrooms, though. It seems like every other day one of the toilets are clogged. Last week there were spoons in the sink?? Like at least 10 spoons. In the bathroom sink. The floor is dirty because no one owns a mop and?? there was one in the kitchen?? I haven’t seen it in like a month. And the worst of all. Okay, it’s really bad when every one up here is between like. 16 and 19 I think? And I had to put up a sign in the bathroom asking people to flush when you’re done??? And I still have to flush before I can use the washroom???? And it feels like every week or so. The toilet’s clogged. Oh! I forgot to mention that the water closet doesn’t even have a doorknob anymore. Someone took it. But wait, it gets worse. Seriously if extremely unsanitary things bother u, stop reading now.

Twice in the past month I’ve had to contact the landlord because the toilets were beyond clogged. The first time was bad but oh lord nothing compares to the second time (aka last week). The first time was your pretty standard toilet clogs and backs up and its very gross. I contacted the landlord and it was fixed the next day and it was fine. For. Two Days. Im serious. See. People here have a real issue it seems of “The person before me didn’t flush so neither will I”, leading to a toilet bowl full of like. a half a roll of toilet paper and waste. F u n. What that led to was the toilet clogging, people not doing anything about it, and continuing to use it. Eventually the toilet bowl was full, so trow a shopping bag over the lid to mark the toilet as “Out of order” and move on to the other one.Both toilets were completely unusable. I emailed the landlord and i don’t know if either they or one of the people living here contacted them, but the old landlord and old property manager were here the other day to clean them out and fix them?? and yea among all the standard waste you’d expect in a toilet, there were needles? Like buddy theres a trash can right there? I know u had the needle caps bc they were in there too. just... disgusting...

bro this is just what i can think of off the top of my head i know theres more but oh no this is so long now. just. this is a lot more detail than u wanted but i wanted to get this out of my brain??

[transadvice]

"How can I be more attracted to my trans partner?”

I got this question in my ask box, but I’m putting it behind a cut because the question itself deals with and expresses transphobic feelings. I also talk about transphobia and internalized transphobia in my answer. I just don’t want you to have to deal with it if you’re trans and it’s not the right day.  Cis ppl with trans partners: Read below Trans ppl: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, SMASH THE STATE

The question: my gf is trans and i love her so much. i've been with her for two years while she was out and transitioning socially and i support her and adore her. however now she's started taking hormones (a few months in now) and i feel myself becoming less attracted to her. i am sexually attracted to the typical "male" body and the typical "female" body, but her combination of the two - a very masc body with small tits now - puts me off. idk if that's something to tell her or to try to overcome on my own, because i want a future with her and i want to support her... but how can i tell her this without hurting her and making her feel "not womanly enough"? i can't see telling her this going well... it's been on my mind for months now and i don't know what to do. i feel like a horrible person My answer: Don’t tell her. She knows. Look: I've been in this situation from various sides. I have been the "you", the person who wants to be attracted to someone and who thinks the reasons I'm not attracted to them are bullshit, but also I just can't talk myself into feeling pantsfeelings I don't feel. And I have, even more specifically, been the "your girlfriend," the person who begins transitioning and taking hormones in a long-term relationship and who is told by their long-term partner "I am finding myself less attracted to you as your body changes, but, like, it's totally my problem, I'm gonna work on it." Let me tell you, it was incredibly hurtful! It was a huge blow to my self-esteem at a moment when I needed it most. Like, here I am really excited about all the changes happening and wanting to tell my partner about them with pride and happiness, and instead they react with tepid support plastered over visceral disgust. The feeling that as I am becoming more "me," my partner was becoming more repulsed by me, was SOULKILLING. Even though it wasn't their fault - they couldn't control what they were attracted to and what kneejerk reactions they had in the microexpression moments before they put on the expression they WANTED to have - it had a really super negative effect on me to be in that situation. It made me feel like "the real me" was inherently repulsive. 

I am hesitant to encourage you to "work on it." I'm just not sure how well it will work??  I think the following two ideas can both be true:  1. Sexual attraction is a deeply-ingrained impulse that is unconscious and difficult or impossible to change.

2. Sexual attraction is informed by culture, and often reflects toxic and unkind attitudes of that culture (e.g. transphobia, racism, misogyny, homophobia, fatphobia, etc.) 

This obviously poses a huge issue for a lot of people. We want to be kind and inclusive, but our attractions don't always play along with our intellectual beliefs. And we can't necessarily make ourselves be attracted to people we're not. 

You can try; and it might work, eventually, sort of! I'm inspired by Lindy West's project of trying to see fat people as attractive (for self-love purposes) by a sort of exposure therapy, signing up for lots of fat fashion blogs and whatnot, exposing herself to tons and tons of positive and happy and sexy images of fat people. She talks about this in her book Shrill and in a This American Life episode called "Tell Me I'm Fat." This is the only example that comes to mind of someone positively changing their aesthetic taste, and even that is not about sexual attraction but about self-confidence. Plus, it took a hell of a long time. Years, I think. I don't necessarily want your girlfriend to feel like she is waiting on what might be a years-long project for you to rewire your sexuality, especially since it might not work, especially since being your attraction-changing guinea pig is probably hurting her in big and small ways in the meantime.  I am also concerned on your behalf, that trying to force your sexual tastes into a particular direction may lead to you becoming alienated from your sexuality. In the past, when I've tried to force myself to be attracted to someone I'm not because I liked them and I wanted to date them and/or they liked me and I wanted to return their affections, my body has responded by becoming sexually numb, and I think I am basically asexual... until that relationship ends, and then I realize, "Wait, I'm not disinterested in sex, I'm disinterested in sex WITH TAYLOR." (not their real name) 

And I don't think the attempt to force it for so long was good for me OR for Taylor. I mean, once we broke up, we started dating people we actually were attracted to, and those relationships just worked a lot easier for both of us. Just because I was not attracted to Taylor, it doesn't mean there wasn't someone out there who would be. 

And just because my ex, who I was with when I was transitioning, became less attracted to me as I became more masc, it doesn't follow that I was becoming less attractive. There were, it turned out, plenty of people who found me MORE attractive the more I transitioned. There were people who found me uniquely attractive in my androgynous state! But as long as I was with my ex, I couldn't find them. And it was really hard not to internalize my ex’s attitude, their palpable cringiness, and feel that, "I must be getting less attractive." After all, it confirmed my existing worst fears!

When you are a trans person, society is already telling you in a hundred different ways, "You are not attractive." "You are not even a person, really." It is SO CRUCIAL for us to love ourselves and prove to ourselves that good sex beyond the gender binary is possible. But I just don't see how that will happen for your girlfriend as long as she is dating someone who has to try to force it. 

I also want you to understand that you are not necessarily “not attracted to trans people.” I don’t want you to take that on as a source of shame, nor do I want you to write a Tinder bio that says “cis ppl only” or anything like that. You’re not feeling attracted to THIS trans person, but you might still be genuinely attracted to some other trans person in the future, who knows? One of us is not all of us.  Bottom line, I want your girlfriend to be with someone who WANTS HER. Who doesn't want-to-want her. Someone who doesn't have to try, doesn’t have to work at it with homework and projects, doesn’t have to force themselves. Those people are out there! And I want that for you, too: to be with someone you don't have to work to want. Someone you just WANT.  Unfortunately, I'm not optimistic that can happen in your current relationship. 

[lowkeysebastianstan]

hey there. I totally get your frustration with endgame and the ending. I wasn't happy and I'm not happy how half the fandom tells me/us how we have to look at it. how we have to accept it. how the actors are happy with it and so should we. how the writers/producers - okay, I'm gonna leave them out of this seeing neither of them have any idea what they have done in the first place. after all they disagree on everything in every interview since the release. and isn't that funny? (1/?)

how even they are not on one side with the movie? what I despise most right now when it comes to this movie and this fandom is how we are treated. how we should tag our “hate” - which I think is funny since I didn’t hate the movie entirely. I hated pieces of it, like I did with past movies. I never liked doctor strange and even back then people were allowed to mention how casting cumberbatch for the part wasn’t the smartest idea they had. (2/?)

people want us to be happy with an ending that doesn’t make sense to us and they appreciate and are “allowed” to shove down our throats with their happy posts about a perfect ending. how is taking tony’s life after he finally married pepper and got a daughter is perfect? how is sending steve back to peggy after they did everything in their power to convince us he moved on from his past life…how is that perfect? (3/?)

you can probably tell I’m bitter. I really am. there’s not a day that goes by I’m not frustrated with what we got after ten years and 22 movies. however, I thought to myself what would it give me to cling on to this on my blog. would it change anything? I do know I’m not alone. I see so many people agreeing with this anger and it gives me some sort of peace. at the end of the day, though, it’s also important to see what it gives to you. (4/?)

talking to one of my closest friends about it and voicing my frustration with the end helps me more than keep posting about it. because in the end it won’t change a thing. the longer I surround myself with the frustration and anger and everything that comes with this not being what I had hoped for the more it pushes me from the fandom. of course everyone do as they please and I get people who want to get it out of their system. (5/?)

but maybe sitting down and look at what the constant repeating will give you in the end, realizing where it might end, could help finding some kind of peace for you. I’d hope for you to enjoy the parts of the fandom that still apply to you. I really like your blog and you as a person and I’d hate to see one of my fave people on this site to leave (I lost count, but this is the last)

whew! hi right back, that was quite something. 

i feel ive answered this ask before, was that also you?

i mean, yeah. i know im not alone, i do. i see some of it on my dash, but not a lot, since ive had to block every marvel related tag just to keep from indulging in some light murder (just gentle ones, not to worry), and i really cannot fathom why ppl on the other side of the isle can’t do the same? or if you’re getting tired of the negativity? blacklist. or unfollow, block even. 

as ive said a few times lately, ive been here 6 years. and this is the first time ive aired my frustration in any noticeable way. sure there’s been a few occasions where i got the salt shaker out, but that was in relation to much more limited subjects, and it was a post or two at the most. 

ive been frustrated with previous movies too, but ive kept my trap shut, ive just gone on, kept my queue stocked, giffed the rare set and hid behind pretty solid content, no drama, not personality, no engagement. 

and it’s not too bad, to just be anonymous, to look at the pretty, spread the pretty, do the occasional tag rant, and let that be it. 

but.

when i came back after a long hiatus last autumn i started writing again. i posted a psa where i apologised for the fact that i would reblog my writing on this blog, i informed what tags i was gonna use, and for the first time i actually checked my follower count before and after. i lost 20 followers the first day. for posting writing. my writing. that was tagged to a ridiculous degree. and i saw a fair few more disappear before the exodus, and idk. i made me realise a thing or two.

one, people like my blog and the content i post

two, they’re only here for that content

three, to have a strictly themed blog will limit you horribly

four, my followers in general don’t give a shit about me, only about the content i post, which fair enough

five, i care about that, even if i don’t care about the follower count as such, i do care that the ones i have actually like me

six, which is completely absurd bc none of them knows me at all, i never show myself

but that was then. this is now. and the last weeks has made me realise the most important thing of all, i dont care any more. why the fuck should i? when my showing any kind of negativity about something that i did care a whole lot about but i no longer have?

endgame might have killed all my enthusiasm for the mcu, and it fucking hurts. it’s been a staple in my life for years, ive invested my time, my creativity, my love and my goddamn money, and ive got jack shit to show for it. i have a blog that i used to love, but is becoming alien to me, and that hurts too. ive invested a lot in this blog too, after i deleted a few of my other blogs a couple of years back, this is by far my biggest one. and im torn tbh. 

do i want to leave it? no, i don’t. can i go back? honestly? i doubt it. if my love for the mcu is gone, well so is bucky. and lets be real, a sebastian stan blog with no bucky? i cannot really see it, can you?

but hey. ill make you a deal, all of you. ill ease up on the memes, i won’t stop bc i have a few scheduled, you guys blacklist or unfollow if you dont want to see them, and ill see about sprinkling in some sebastian content if i can find any i deem worth it. 

also i don’t have any close irl friends to air my frustrations with, everyone here loved this crap, and that’s not really the discourse im looking for. but im happy for you, it sounds nice :)

hope you’re having a great day! 

eta: i won’t leave btw. not unless the porn hub thing comes into fruition. just so you know, and if anyone cares. just sayin. 

eta2: also? the fact that i, or we, are complaining and being pissed at the movie, but the opposition are attacking us for doing that? instead of, again, fucking blacklist and leave us the fuck alone? yeah, doesn’t help with the bitter. if y’all are so threatened by our arguments, maybe you should reevaluate your own, seems you’re trying a bit too hard there. i don’t want to take enjoyment from anyone, i envy you too much for that, but ffs, just leave me the fuck alone to deal with it. (that’s not @ you, that’s to them)

eta3: and thank you for saying im someone you like. but see? ive been trolling you all, im terrible. and i expect you don’t like me as much now anyways. but thank you, it was nice to hear nevertheless.

[ardentlythieving]

Honestly I’ve been reading a lot of posts on here lately, and talking to some mates, and getting on antidepressants and I’ve been doing a lot better in most ways and a bit worse in others than I have in awhile, but I’ve been taking the chance to get introspective and idk. I guess I’ve had some realizations about myself. Feel free to msg me about this i guess but pls don’t reblog yo. Gonna be a rambly mess just fyi.

I guess where this whole thing started was I saw this post, that I did reblog so you can check it out if you want, talking about how pain feels more real than anything else. And yea I think that’s very much the case like. I know when I was first thinking about getting on meds I had a lot of fear related to the fact that, I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 12 and I’m 18 now. I grew up hurting and the fact is that I don’t know who I am when I’m actually properly not, so the idea that I can take meds and idk. stop? it scared me, genuinely it did. And I’m so so glad I got on them, but fuck it was a really stressful time.

But fuck. I learnt to hate myself for being gay before I even knew that women could be gay, much less that I personally am a lesbian and there’s something deeply fucked up about that ya kno? And I know I’m still existing on this truckload of privilege, but fuck this society we live in is just so so full of negative messages the further you get from the “accepted norm” or w/e where it’s egotistical to like anything about urself, or be proud of the things you’ve accomplished or just exist outside of this level of self-hatred. And yea I’m talking about cringe culture here, like this whole idea that people pouring their hearts out and doing something fun, espc as teenagers, but hell even adults, is something to be ashamed of. 

And it’s just this constant fucking stream of pain is real, hate yourself, you can’t think of yourself as looking nice today, or creating something good, or you’re terrible and egotistical and it’s EXHAUSTING ya kno.

And I dunno, I guess I’m just a naturally affectionate person or something. Like I ENJOY doing things for other ppl and saying nice things about other people and just generally doing things to help the people around me. And I think at its heart that’s me, that’s who I am, that’s where I’m happiest, but somewhere along the way over the past however many years it just turned into this horrible toxic thing. Like fuck, I just have this fucking, idk. bone deep sense that I don’t have much intrinsic value as a person, that any value I have comes from what I can do for others. That I can love the people around me enough that it turns into loving myself. Because it just feels so much easier and safer and less painful to go “look how talented and amazing my friends are” than to say “look how talented and amazing *i* am”. Value by association ya kno. If these people are amazing and wonderful and brilliant, and yet still choose to interact with me, then there’s gotta be something about me that’s worth something.

But turns out you don’t love urself more by building others up at your own expense. Who would’ve thought. I guess if there’s a takeaway or a point to all this, I’m gonna keep loving others deeply and intrinsically coz ya kno. That’s who I am and that’s what makes me happy. But imma save a bit of that love for myself. Coz ya know what? My friends are amazing, talented, brilliant, wonderful people. And so the hell am I. And it’s about time I trusted those amazing, talented, brilliant, wonderful people who care a stupid amount about me to tell me if I’m going too far and not just assume i’m this massive egotistical asshole; and it’s about time I listened to them when they tell me good stuff about myself, without undercutting it; and it’s about goddam time I stopped listening to every message telling me that being proud of my abilities and wanting to improve are mutually fucking exclusive traits.

Coz ya know what? Pain is real, but it sure as FUCK isn’t all that’s real. Thank you and goodnight.

[lecherouswritings]

I gotta dump these alterations here excuse me!!! I guess if anyone doesn’t want spoilers to my stories lol

Had some ideas I didn’t wanna forget so I’m gonna dump them here for further development when the day comes someday. The hunters! There’s that burly trapper dude, the sharpshooter dude, and the manipulative lady. I think I want her to deal with poisons and stuff? One hunter is killed in Georgia, Rat has a snap-second reaction and kills this guy on the spot without realizing it’s like a hunter. Peter recognizes him, bursts out laughing when Rat kills him ?? hmm Can’t decide which hunter bites it first. The sharpshooter is really cute and all the girls fawn over him and it makes Peter mad because he’s a gross weirdo and doesn’t like competition. Sharpshooter loves birds, his sister and him keep birds and Peter loves birds too. Loves them. The village declines because Grandfather has a CHANGE OF HEART and decides human sacrifices are OUT and love is IN and that makes Peter SO ANGERY... it makes Hito angry too!!!!! THE LAND IS CURSED THAT’S WHY PPL THINK THEY’RE SEEING WOLVES BUT THEY   ARE   NOT   WOLVES  LOL the founders aka 3 lil piggies, man with house of hay stacks, man who built house of wood, and Grandfather with his stone home, all 3 are destroyed, other two men are killed, leaving Grandfather and the residents of the land AKA HITOTIANS!!! GASP!!!! and he’s like EEHGHH PLS DON’T KILL ME I JUST WANNA START A NEW LIFE OUT HERE ALSO MY TEETH FUCKING SUCK I DIDN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM so Hito is like Ok worship me I’m God however the fuck you wanna interpret that, kill ppl for me and I’ll make everything good and he’s like gimme wolf teeth and we have a deal and she’s like OK DEAL. THAT’S WHY THE TOWN THRIVES, and he leaves town to bring in outsiders and claims THESE SINNERS WERE TRYNA HURT US and will often pick up minorities because he’s racist and gross and given the time period and area there was a lot of hostility between shitty white assholes and Mexicans/Native peoples, hey I’m not defending Grandfather here racists exist. Hito doesn’t care racist or not, as long as ppl die that’s all that matters and if he wants to do it under the guise of Jesus or whatever the fuck fine, just do the Ritual I Asked You To Do and we’re good, and he’s like yeah cool. Then he asks for MORE, I want a SON :(((( and Hito’s like ok, go fuck someone and have a son but I swear to Me you’re gonna have to up your killing game I hate the idea of letting you make more people like that’s the opposite of my teachings you dumb shit ?! THE WOLF is a manifest of the cursed Hitotian land, that since the ppl perceive the monsters as wolves that Hito is like cool, this Proto Rat creature that’s being projected, so there’s this malicious spirit that’s lingering because Grandfather is SLACKING in his murders, so the crops are failing and people are getting sick and Peter is becoming host to this Wolf thing and Grandfather is NOT A FAN OF THAT, decides it’s SATAN and we gotta DRIVE SATAN OUT, not realizing it’s his own stupid ass fault for ignoring Hito’s wishes. After he has a son he wants to like retire and start preaching love and shit. Peter had prophetic dreams of Rat and helping Rat and THAT’S SCARY NO I WANNA BE A LITTLE KID I LIKE BIRD SONGS AND STICKS ALKGHAKJGH just kidding I’ve been tied to a bed most of my life I don’t know what I like. God I guess, Grandfather tells me how much God loves me and love is supposed to be good, good good, when Peter is good Grandfather takes him on walks so GOD BLESS. But after a while he gets to move about the room and seeing people outside his toothed window and he gets Angry. Shouts HI GRANDPA from his bed tied up because he can hear the front door slam shut. Grandpa will go untie him if he’s been good and read some bible to him or feed him or tell him how his day went CENSORED VERSION LOL because the boy is............ Not right............. all that Wolf stuff growing up MY HORRIBLE SON.....but he’s gonna carry on his legacy. HAVE A SON, SON. So Grandfather is the way he is because he made a deal with Hito ( GOD ) and the Wolf ( Proto-Rat ) tries to influence him but he’s TOO STUPID so the demon goes roaming around causing havok mindless energy no where to go. A lot of Hitotian demons target kids because they don’t have any defenses and are naive. So the town does descend into some madness because Grandfather quits. I have a scene where Sharpshooter’s sister kills her sons because she had sex with Grandfather and therefore committed a Sin and punished herself by killing her kids, and then killed the birds she kept and was shoving them inside herself and screaming gibberish about how they were going to remove the sin from her, and Peter and some of the villagers are there and I think I was thinking Peter would allow Sharpshooter to kill her instead of himself as like a familial courtesy out of respect. Peter’s more upset about the birds :( and maybe some sick pleasure in seeing Sharpshooter upset having to kill his sister like idk. Taking pride in someone else’s misery. Hito keeps Grandfather alive because that’s punishment death would be the easy way out!!! Live and suffer!! I’m gonna do away with the toxic chemicals thing because Hito can just mutate people as punishment and I like that better. If Rat kills the handsome guy then ... That leave gruff trapper dude who would be more well equipped to deal with Rat in the last arc, but... I’m thinking Peter gains trust from Grandfather by getting Sharpshooter on his side like “I let you take your sister’s life, I didn’t rob you of that, I’m a man of my word and you can testify” sort of shit. Yeah, so let’s have the gruff trapper be the GA victim and the sharpshooter be in the village at the end. The lady hunter tho isn’t having any of Peter’s shit and they have a confrontation and Amy helps and yea they help each other. I like the idea of Peter covering her with a rifle as she goes out into the wild to find Rat, then Peter had to go after Amy because she gets her leg caught in a bear trap and has to get her outta there and is like Well I’m already here might as well look for Rat before Sharpshooter finds him fuuck he tells Amy to go back and hide but she sneakily trails by the time Peter finds Rat, Rat’s stuck in a hole!!! A trap!!! He can’t get out he’s all rotted and gross!!!! and he’s YOWLING!!! HELP!!! :( Sharpshooter is there, and he’s like OH PETER JUST IN TIME :))) LET’S KILL THIS THING and Amy’s watching from the thicket. Peter has some crazy ass vision and is like hhHH and shoots Sharpshooter’s kneecaps out and ties him to a tree with his own rope. Rat’s saying some gibberish and Peter’s like oh no the wolf is so hungry hungry boy feed wolf feed wolf the hunter munch munch that was a tasty leg Thank You.... Hey Friend, can you help me out of here? SO YES Peter reaches down and pulls Rat out but IT’S SYMBOLISM FOR WHEN HE WAS A KID AND REACHED OUT TO RAT AND “LET HIM IN” SO RAT GETS OUT AND IS LIKE YESSSSSBITCH the 2nd rain of blood happens and he tells Peter to run back to the village. Amy follows behind him. I HAVEN’T DECIDED HOW RYAN, JESS, AND KYLE GET OUT OF THEIR TORTUROUS PREDICAMENT YET BUT I WILL BECAUSE THEY’RE THERE and they all reunite and RAT DESCENDS ONTO THE VILLAGE AND KILLS EVERYBODY LOL, theres all these Hitotian demons that just DECIMATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. Ryan is SO MAD at Peter because this is ALL HIS FAULT, and Amy already had this fight with Peter but they reconciled and teamed up but RYAN IS NOT FORGIVING and GOUGES PETER’S EYES OUT SO HE CAN’T SEE HIS GOD ( THIS IS SO SAD.meme ) and it’s the real first time since his reign as tyrant of the village when he was younger just FLIP THE FUCK OUT because Rat’s going through his final stages of metamorphosis and everyone can witness it but Peter slkdgjslkgh RYAN!!!!!! I think the castration of Rat happens just before the villagers capture them ??? SPEAKING OF CASTRATION that was really big with Peter, lots of sterilizing and castrating because THE ROOT OF PEOPLE’S SINS ARE THEIR DESIRES so I love that he has this knack for cutting genitals and Rat’s like I NEED A CUT BRO and he’s like oh Yeah I know this song and dance hold my beer. I think tho.... Peter has to kill his Grandfather, maybe after he returns to the village? I can’t decide if it’s a YES I FINALLY GET TO KILL YOU or a I LOVE YOU AFTER ALL BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS :(((( I can’t decide. I’LL FIGURE THIS OUT LATER. Also what if Grandfather was creeping on Eunice and so when Peter had a thing with her, he had Hito’s demons go kill her off in the woods??? hmm... idk how I feel about that.... or Rat’s wolf entity would ?? Yeah he would lol just to fuck with Peter, fuck you for having nice things you dumb bitch COME WORSHIP ME IN A FEW DECADES NERD!!! If I think of anything else I’ll make another dump post but there’s SO MUCH and also I gotta sleep but this is what I got in the last few days.

[wendylewis-blog]

06.25.2020

It’s been a month today since George Floyd was murdered beneath the unrelenting knee of a dead-eyed policeman who I will not name. His fellow officers did nothing to stop him. Our city, the nation, and then—the world—exploded with rage and into activism. Everyone came together inside the nefarious embrace of a pandemic, masked and united, to protest yet another atrocity hurled into the Black community.

A powerful wave rose after that horrible event and I won’t break down all the details because we all know what happened next, and continued for many weeks, or at least, our versions of it. What I know is that Black voices and bodies came surging to the surface of the streets, in videos, podcasts and social platforms, in articles and interviews. I live in the country, relying on news, mostly via the internet, and I have learned so fucking much in the last month from the Black voices I’ve been listening to. I am a sixty-three year old white woman and I have always considered myself an ally but I remain a functioning if resisting-the-label racist and I have more to learn every day. I am getting there. I am staying as humble as I can.

Just last night, my youngest daughter called me out for a few things I said in a certain way that she took issue with. I got defensive, because I think of myself as an advocate, but she was right. Thank you, Kitty. Don’t stop! I want to continue learning to understand every minute detail from behind the blinders of my white privilege and my age, having grown up with so much white brainwash.

This is what we need to be doing, white ppl—friends, allies. We need to remain extremely humble, even if we believe we’ve been lifelong advocates for racial equity. We have not done enough or known enough and we have to do it right now and learn and listen and seek out Black voices and continue doing it until change is not only visible but viable and put into working action. Write your representatives weekly, daily if you wanna. They need to know what their constituents demand or else they will lose their jobs.

=                      =                           =                            =                          =

One hidden historical event that many of my white friends agreed they had never heard about, is the massacre in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Eighteen hours of destruction rained down on a thriving Black neighborhood (May 31-June 1,1921)—eerily aligned with the murder of a Black man in Minneapolis ninety-nine years later almost to the date which spawned a worldwide revolution. In Tulsa, 300 people were killed, hundreds were hurt and thousands of buildings were destroyed. It is considered to be one of the worst incidences of racially motivated violence in the history of America. Do you wanna know what preceded this massacre? You should click on my link above, but just in case you can’t take the time, I’m gonna tell you, in brief—even though you might wanna tuck in and learn a longer version of it. Jus’sayin.

A shoeshiner, Dick Rowland, had to ride an elevator to the top floor of the Drexel building because Black people were denied access to more readily available restrooms on ground level. No one really knows what happened when he stepped into the elevator operated by 17-year-old white woman, Sarah Page, but the historical museum of Tulsa imagines he may have stepped on her foot and she screamed. I’m thinking, she probably freaked because he got onto the elevator at all! He was seen running from the elevator, I’m sure, fearing for his life because she was young, white and had screamed. He was subsequently accused of raping her.

C’mon. Let’s get real. What can happen during the course of a short elevator ride and srrsly, what Black man would EVER have taken the chance of raping a white woman, especially in 1921, when the outcome would have surely cost him his life.

Here’s the thing. The Greenwood area in 1921, was a thriving business community and was sometimes referred to as the Black Wall Street of Tulsa, serving its 10,000 Black residents. I immediately jump to the FACT that white ppl don’t wanna support Black ppl if they are doing more than surviving, when they are becoming successful and gaining access to our way of life.

The riot broke out after an article on the incident was published in the Tulsa Tribune afternoon newspaper, which also said on its editorial page that a lynching was imminent. Crowds, of both Black and white people, gathered outside the courthouse. Twice, a group of armed African American men, mostly veterans of World War I, arrived on the scene fearing a lynching and offered their assistance to the police to protect Rowland. As they were leaving the second time, a white man tried to disarm one of the Black veterans and a shot was fired, triggering the riot, with whites pouring into the all-black Greenwood district. USA Today

It took 80 years for Tulsa to acknowledge the massacre as a racial atrocity.

(pause—take that in—80 fkn years)

I had seen the Watchmen series (Hulu/HBO) months ago and thought the opening episode that set the stage for the series was fictionalized. It’s shocking and embarrassing as hell, believing myself an advocate, to not know about that horrific event. Of course, it wasn’t in the history books when I was in school and I’m gonna guess it STILL ISN’T. I really hope I’m wrong. I’ll investigate that over the weekend. Having discovered, over the last month, that the Tulsa massacre was historically documented, I revisited Watchmen and it was a totally different experience understanding the context intended. I highly recommend. I say again, I highly recommend.

Also, if you haven’t seen 13th I hope you’ll add that to your watch list.

+                           +                            +                             +                        +

Meanwhile—addressing the White House cronies:

Reading this article in Medium was so difficult but I could not deny its truth. I posted a comment in protest, however, saying that there are so many of us in this country who are NOT subscribed to the darkness and confusion issuing from our nation’s capitol.

TEASER from linked article: I don’t use the term as an insult — the American idiot. I mean it in a precise way, as I try to remind people. For the Greeks, “idiot” carried a precise and special meaning. The person who was only interested in private life, private gain, private advantage. Who had no conception of a public good, common wealth, shared interest. To the Greeks, the pioneers of democracy, the creators of the demos, such a person was the most contemptible of all. Because even the Greeks seemed to understand: you can’t make a functioning democracy out of…idiots.

Consumer tip: T-shirts!  Support Black clothing lines! I love T-shirts. I’ve linked only one option and there are many more. Scroll down the main page for a list of Black-owned grocery stores, book stores, coffee shops and brunch spots—and feel free to Google the same in your location. Let me know what you find.

I’ll leave you with this. My nephew is production manager for a tap dance crew out of NYC. Enjoy! Here’s Dorrance Dance.

Please leave notes here, subscribe to my page and talk to me. We need to be communicating right now, more than ever. Keep love alive.

[youseriousjayse]

Oh shit. I wanna fuck my boss. This is...not good.

I stg I barely caught myself from just walking over and kissing them while they were saying something ridiculous after the shop was closed. Oh fuck oh fuck. THis is bad. They’re married and have kids and they seem like a good person but sometimes…I definitely think they’ve flirted w me before. And I seem to be a favourite for no apparent reason. They talk about their spouse and their personal life all the time to me (esp their spouse), but I’ve only ever heard them mention their spouse like twice to other workers. And they compare me to their spouse all the time. Always saying I sound just like them or I do this or that just like them. ANd I would definitely go for it if it was an option which prob makes me a horrible person, but that’s okay I already knew that. 

Idk how they manage to be both “ur really hot” and “ur the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” It’s maddening. And they’re so fucking funny and that’s my weakness and they’re always trying to make me laugh. idek how old they are. in their twenties im 96% certain. Im horrid at guessing age. there’s def at the v least 5 yrs b/t us. but idrk. I don’t even hypothetically want anything serious. I literally just wanna be able to fuck them and feel mushy about them on the side and end it when I leave next july. Obv this isn’t ever going to happen but thinking about it hypotheticlly helps me short my shit out. idk. idk. i really like thm and they seem to like me. And the thing is it’s not even just about wanting to fuck them. I care about their kids and that means a lot bc i fucking hate kids and one of theirs is an attention whore and i rlly hate that type of kid. but i like them bc they are my boss’s kids and my boss loves them. And I love hearing more about them (even tho it’s always p sad shit about them acting up in school and always being upset bc my boss is never home)

Just…..wow. if anyone needed more proof im fucked up. have at it.

Seriously tho on the seeming interested in me and showing favouritism front, they are…so protective of me. Like they are Never like this with the other employees, and it’s definitely not like I can’t defend myself. The most marked example would be the guy who runs the bodega across the street.

He came in one day, screaming about how my manager had accused his son of stealing. So they were like, I’m not sure what you’re talking about but I’m sorry if there was some sort of miscommunication. And he just kept screaming at them and calling them a little bitch and a f*ggot repeatedly, and threatening to bash their fucking head in. And they were just taking it all very calmly and professionally and saying ‘I don’t recall this happening, I’m sorry if you heard differently’ even though he was physically pushing them and still threatening them and calling them all sorts of things. Then he finally left, but not twenty minutes later he came back, just as angry, shouting the same stuff and hurling around slurs and threats and pushing my manager around. Again, they kept very calm and responded reasonably and evenly the same stuff they had before.

Again he eventually left. But then he decided he had apparently still not had enough so he came back a third time. Just as angry as before, just as hostile and antagonising. The assistant manager on duty had come up front the last time to see what was happening, but had not intervened. However this time she tried to help, also calmly saying the same things as the manager. She had been working the day before and seen the guy’s kid come in and nothing like that had happened, so he started calling her a lying fucking bitch and saying he was gonna kill both of them, and kept more and more violently shoving my manager, which they continued to just calmly take.

Eventually the guy was just was repeatedly calling them a f*ggot again and again and again. And I, also calmly, asked if he could just please stop saying that word and he fucking rounded on me and started really laying in calling me a little bitch and all sorts of things, which I didn’t react to at all, because I have an excellent poker face. But I have Never seen my manager angry at all. Not even a little bit. But they were fucking furious, and they shoved him roughly back to the door (mind you he’s a big fuckin guy) And got right up in his face and fucking snarled Get The FUCK Out Of My Store (I did Not know actual snarling words was a thing, I thought it was just smth writers said to make the angry words more emphatic, but it is a Thing™) and shoved him straight through the door. And then they just took a deep breath and turned back around calmly as ever and was like ‘sorry about that’ to the other customers and started rearranging the counter like usual.

And that whole situation has come up twice since then when we were talking (it was months ago), and both times they were like yeah it was whatever, but when he started yelling at You I fucking snapped. And I’m like. Yeahhh how do I take this. Because I am not defenseless and I don’t look like it and I’m not tiny or fragile looking, we have several other employees more likely to feel the impulse to protect but,,,they never do? It never even seems to occur to them?

Just the other day I had a lady come in who was clearly spoiling for a fight. Rude and aggressive as fuck, but I treated her calmly and professionally bc that’s what I do, but she just kept saying dumb shit, so I kept responding, not in any offensive or upset way, just repeating the facts in a calm manner. She really started yelling and was like 'I don’t like ur fuckin attitude you keep talking back you’re getting all smart with me.’ And I (again. Very calmly.) Explained that I was simply answering the questions she asked. And she was like Where’s your fuckin manager bc you’re being rude as fuck you just keep talking back.

So my manager was at the register next to(?) mine(the counter is like an L shape and has registersat either side of the corner). And they turned around and said 'I don’t hear anything unprofessional or rude’ but she kept yelling over them and talking about how rude I was, so they kept saying I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so they were like 'Okay you can go now. Please leave the store’ and gave her the corporate number when she asked for it angrily, saying she was gonna complain about us (like so??? Fine. Here’s my name and the store # idgaf).

After she left and we took care of the couple of customers left they turned to me and were like 'wow she was really spoiling for a fight.’ And I was 'yeah I mean I saw it when she came in and was super aggressive right off the bat. She was so angry for no reason. Like…chill lol’ and they gave me a sort of look and were like 'I don’t know how you deal with that (((which, mind you, every employee, and Definitely them, deals w shit like that without going off))) I feel like it bothers me a lot more when they get like that to you, than it actually bothers you’. I just shrugged, but again……they dont,,,,do that for other employees. They always stick their neck out for me or get angry (I mean as close as they get to angry, excepting the thing w the bodega owner) on my behalf. It’s…what am I supposed to make of that?

Literally if they’re around and a customer tells me to lighten up or smile or smth (bc my face is just really unexpressive unless I put a lot of effort in) they’ll just smoothly come over and be like 'I’ve got the smile for ya’ or if someone is being aggressive or harrasing about it, they won’t even pretend to be cheerful and nice, they’ll just be like 'My employees don’t get paid to smile.’ Which,,,I’m not the only one who never smiles. Actually it’s just my manager and one of the assistant managers that always smile. The rest of us are p brusque and more obviously dead inside and dislike interacting with people. But again, they’ve never done that or said anything for another employee (that I know of, obv I’m not always around, but I’m around enough to feel like I practically live there).

And just. Bloody hell, they will talk about aggressive customers and tell me the customer got in their face and will be like 'seriously, like this’ and move their face so we’re barely not touching. Like. ???!?!?!????? And they get real close to me and brush by me a lot. Mind you, they do not do this to other employees (esp the face thing), but they’ll like lean over my shoulder to look at my paperwork or make fun of me (not like in a mean way just something stupid) or they’ll come over to put their numbers in (bc we need higher clearance on the computers for like,,,almost everything it’s so stupid) and they’ll like get right up next to me or squeeze in front of me. Which again, they do not do to others, and no other employee does that to me or anyone else.

If this was a book ppl would be pissed about the slow burn like Okay Why Aren’t Things Happening Already??! But unfortunately real life and an actual human being is more complicated than that. And I don’t know what to do with it.

~update: they just turned thirty. Fuck. I’m just barely twenty.

Edit: New jeans. very nice new jeans. dammit please stop rearranging the shelves in front of me while i’m trying to work, your ass is distracting. And a new tight tight jacket too and they wear it with the sleeves pushed up right below the elbow and that’s just. Always hot. The fucking jeans together with that stupid cursed jacket makes it incredibly difficult to look away. They’re just hhhhhhhhh I can’t. This is. So much.

YEAH I could prolly go on about them forever, but I know this is super obnoxiously long. I don’t know who I’m apologising to tho bc literally nobody reads this. Which is prolly why I overshare but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[the-cryptographer]

@rainstormcolors

Why are the reviews on AO3 all so articulate? asdfg. (I wrote up most of this before reading them.)

You’re articulate too, though! You don’t give yourself enough credit, omg.

But if you guest comment on ffnet, I can’t reply to your review through the site. Which was maybe why you commented there instead of ao3, but here I am, responding publicly anyhow :p

-YGO is a franchise with such a separation from reality; it’s always striking when a fic plays their world so grounded, with all the details and routines of our reality to tend to.

Haha. This was conceptualised before DSoD. And, now having watched it, I kinda think a ygo future fic about Seto sould be more sci-fi and futuristic in its general aesthetic. there’s some kind of discrepancy even in the ygo world between the kind of mundane limitations given to the cast and the technology they use that’s of our world, versus solid holograms and the ability to upload your brain to a virtual plane(?) but, yeah, post-DSoD the idea of Seto running a company in turn-of-the-century Japan that’s more or less limited to the realities of corporate Japan seems kind of... naïve? Seto will run his company however he wants!! - that means it doesn’t have to be limited to the laws of physics, let alone the realities of political or economic policy.

But, yeah. Aside from the fact that a fic meant to be a deconstruction of boss/subordinate pupship kind of requires a mundane company setting, I kind of like the realism of these characters having to do these really ordinary tasks. I think season zero mixed the kind of daily school life vibes well with these more absurd and fantastical moments. I think I was trying to call back to that kind of vibe.

(omg, haha. i was so worried the roller coaster crash would just jar everyone out of the fic. i’m sorry i can’t actually take these characters or their setting seriously.)

- [*snip*] Basically, I like your Seto.

I am so glad you liked their meeting so much, and that there was a very clear quality to Seto‘s mental state.

For me, many fanon interpretations of Seto run either too kind and cooperative, too competent(?) and stable, or both. I was just following my headcanons about him, but I was worried he wouldn’t be well received~ Coming from somebody else, I’d worry that they’d consider the visibility of Seto’s vulnerability an insult, lol. I’m glad his bitter form of fragility seemed on key. Thank you :)

- I’m trying to put into words how you’ve matured [Jounouchi]. It’s a culmination of small details.

I think what I was hoping for Jounouchi was to make him seem a little more self-resigned and down-to-earth. He can be pretty arrogant, even how I write him, but he’s not entertaining a lot of the same grandiose dreams he once was or- er- not with the same kind of high hopes that he used to. I think there are both good and bad things about that but- Yeah, I think he’s spread himself thin enough that there’s not a lot left to put into figuring out his own goals. Which is probably somewhat intentional.

- The moments of friendship are cute, between Yugi and Jou and between Jou and Anzu. Jou and Honda seem outright brotherly to me.

x)

re: Jou and his father.

Ah, it’s somewhat of a pet peeve of mine. (Child) Abuse as it is portrayed in fanfiction... Ah, um, I think there tend to be lots of conflicting feelings and circumstances. But, um, even if you care about someone you shouldn’t stick around them if they can’t treat your right. Advice that Joey absolutely refuses to take because he’s been raised not to.

- I like how Jonouchi doesn’t remember to return Mai’s handkerchief for so long, but apparently he’d put it on his person regularly. It’s become a token of her. I’m trying to think of how to describe the Polar scenes in general. Mai’s a presence in Jou’s heart and we’re given blips and fractures of these meaningful moments between them, and perhaps that’s a reflection of their separation. There’s almost a sort of vague dreaminess to those scenes, I think because of the way they’re spliced into the greater narrative and because there is this literal distance between them. I think the hyphenation might be contributing to this effect as well, as it reminds me these scenes are spliced in. Mai seems elegant and warm.

Thank you! I’m glad you liked the handkerchief scene!

lol, I’m doing my best to not let anybody forget for even a second that Mai is a presence in this fic, even via her absence. Jou certainly hasn’t forgotten.

The italicisation of her sections is maybe a bit on the nose. There’s a point where their conversations are going to turn ‘real’ and the italicisation will stop.

- According to the comments on those AO3, you were tentative about going with Manga Mokuba for the fic. I prefer a more worldly, biting, independent Mokuba myself. I love when he’s a character in his own right and not just somebody to prop up his troubled brother. You seem to have gone the awkward teenager route with him.

I was reading someone else’s JouKai, which didn’t actually feature Mokuba that much, but it was the manga version and I kind of fell in love with the idea of Jounouchi interacting with a Mokuba who... looks down on him slightly(?) or is a little more pragmatic than emotional in his acceptance of Jou’s presence, and Jou kind of responding to that with a more measured mix of indulgence and resistance. Manga!Mokuba is a little less iconic in ppl’s minds than the sweet anime version but, maybe more importantly, Mokuba’s gonna be taking a somewhat antagonistic role against Seto in the plot and I was concerned that those two features mixed together would make him unrecognisable. Even when Mokuba’s acting independently in the series (stealing star chips in DK, challenging Yuugi to CapMon) you get the feeling he’s doing it with his brother’s goals in mind.

But I also prefer Mokuba’s when he’s more biting and independent. There’s a lot of potential for a Mokuba that has motives and goals that run in opposition to Seto’s. It’s a... very scary time for Seto as a result. But I think what I was trying to get at with all those oblique posts was that it might actually be good sign for them. I think it’s Mokuba saying that he believes that both Seto individually, and their bond as brothers, are strong enough to make it, even if he rocks the boat.

haha. He is an awkward ugly teenage Mokie. There’s a kind of horrible tradition of making antagonists ugly, but since the antagonist is also un-secretly the sweetest little brother and the sweetest person, I thought it might cross the line twice back into adorable. Somebody give this poor ugly troubled teen a hug~

- You put effort into explaining Jonouchi’s pale hair. How would you explain Yugi’s hair?

I think I posted on tumblr about it. I’m convinced Yuugi’s hair is naturally curly. Like, at least ringlets, if not afro. He lost the genetic lottery and so he’s a foot shorter than his peers and also has the nappiest hair for someone Japanese. No wonder he got teased.

I think I also said that Yuugi gave Jou his hair dye. Yuugi bleaches his bangs. If you’re asking about the magenta though... idk. It’s anime. I’m just gonna go with bleached bangs and the rest is black to maintain some kind of parsimony with realism.

- No, bad Isono! You’re supposed to become a surrogate family member to the Kaiba brothers according to my headcanons! Boo! (Not really. I guess if he were fleshed out as a character, he should be given his own life as well.)

I know, right?! Haha! It was a good foil for Jou though. What do employees owe their employers and vice versa, yada yada? Also I had trouble imagining Jou being able to climb all over Kaiba’s office like it's his personal jungle gym if Isono was there to put a stop to it with disapproving looks. Stop Jou 2k17!

I think in canon the Kaibros are a bit underappreciative where Isono is concerned, but I hope you didn’t miss the implication that Mokuba and Isono are still in contact. They are friends. They chat about their personal lives, and Isono asks after Seto. I kind of hope they’ll reconcile and Seto will give him some references and visit him in Fukuoka, once Seto’s a little more sane and a little less self-entitled.

asdfghjkl; This was such a kind comment ;^; You are very wonderful rainstormcolors, I don’t know what I did to deserve. Thank you for commenting and giving me the excuse to blabber more about my fic~

[wendylewis]

06.25.2020 White Privilege: Part One

It’s been a month today since George Floyd was murdered beneath the unrelenting knee of a dead-eyed policeman who I will not name. His fellow officers did nothing to stop him. Our city, the nation, and then—the world—exploded with rage and into activism. Everyone came together inside the nefarious embrace of a pandemic, masked and united, to protest yet another atrocity hurled into the Black community.

A powerful wave rose after that horrible event and I won’t break down all the details because we all know what happened next, and continued for many weeks, or at least, our versions of it. What I know is that Black voices and bodies came surging to the surface of the streets, in videos, podcasts and social platforms, in articles and interviews. I live in the country, relying on news, mostly via the internet, and I have learned so fucking much in the last month from the Black voices I’ve been listening to. I am a sixty-three year old white woman and I have always considered myself an ally but I remain a functioning if resisting-the-label racist and I have more to learn every day. I am getting there. I am staying as humble as I can.

Just last night, my youngest daughter called me out for a few things I said in a certain way that she took issue with. I got defensive, because I think of myself as an advocate, but she was right. Thank you, Kitty. Don’t stop! I want to continue learning to understand every minute detail from behind the blinders of my white privilege and my age, having grown up with so much white brainwash.

This is what we need to be doing, white ppl—friends, allies. We need to remain extremely humble, even if we believe we’ve been lifelong advocates for racial equity. We have not done enough or known enough and we have to do it right now and learn and listen and seek out Black voices and continue doing it until change is not only visible but viable and put into working action. Write your representatives weekly, daily if you wanna. They need to know what their constituents demand or else they will lose their jobs.

=                          =                           =                            =                          =

One hidden historical event that many of my white friends agreed they had never heard about, is the massacre in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Eighteen hours of destruction rained down on a thriving black neighborhood (May 31-June 1,1921)—eerily aligned with the murder of a Black man in Minneapolis ninety-nine years later almost to the date which spawned a worldwide revolution. In Tulsa, 300 people were killed, hundreds were hurt and thousands of buildings were destroyed. It is considered to be one of the worst incidences of racially motivated violence in the history of America. Do you wanna know what preceded this massacre? You should click on my link above, but just in case you can’t take the time, I’m gonna tell you, in brief—even though you might wanna tuck in and learn a longer version of it. Jus’sayin.

A shoeshiner, Dick Rowland, had to ride an elevator to the top floor of the Drexel building because Black people were denied access to more readily available restrooms on ground level. No one really knows what happened when he stepped into the elevator operated by 17-year-old white woman, Sarah Page, but the historical museum of Tulsa imagines he may have stepped on her foot and she screamed. I’m thinking, she probably freaked because he got onto the elevator at all! He was seen running from the elevator, I’m sure, fearing for his life because she was young, white and had screamed. He was subsequently accused of raping her.

C’mon. Let’s get real. What can happen during the course of a short elevator ride and srrsly, what Black man would EVER have taken the chance of raping a white woman, especially in 1921, when the outcome would have surely cost him his life.

Here’s the thing. The Greenwood area in 1921, was a thriving business community and was sometimes referred to as the Black Wall Street of Tulsa, serving its 10,000 Black residents. I immediately jump to the FACT that white ppl don’t wanna support Black ppl if they are doing more than surviving, when they are becoming successful and gaining access to our way of life.

The riot broke out after an article on the incident was published in the Tulsa Tribune afternoon newspaper, which also said on its editorial page that a lynching was imminent. Crowds, of both Black and white people, gathered outside the courthouse. Twice, a group of armed African American men, mostly veterans of World War I, arrived on the scene fearing a lynching and offered their assistance to the police to protect Rowland. As they were leaving the second time, a white man tried to disarm one of the Black veterans and a shot was fired, triggering the riot, with whites pouring into the all-black Greenwood district. USA Today

It took 80 years for Tulsa to acknowledge the massacre as a racial atrocity.

(pause—take that in—80 fkn years)

I had seen the Watchmen series (Hulu/HBO) months ago and thought the opening episode that set the stage for the series was fictionalized. It’s shocking and embarrassing as hell, believing myself an advocate, to not know about that horrific event. Of course, it wasn’t in the history books when I was in school and I’m gonna guess it STILL ISN’T. I really hope I’m wrong. I’ll investigate that over the weekend. Having discovered, over the last month, that the Tulsa massacre was historically documented, I revisited Watchmen and it was a totally different experience understanding the context intended. I highly recommend. I say again, I highly recommend.

Also, if you haven’t seen 13th I hope you’ll add that to your watch list.

+                           +                            +                             +                        +

Meanwhile—addressing the White House cronies:

Reading this article in Medium was so difficult but I could not deny its truth. I posted a comment in protest, however, saying that there are so many of us in this country who are NOT subscribed to the darkness and confusion issuing from our nation’s capitol.

TEASER from linked article: I don’t use the term as an insult — the American idiot. I mean it in a precise way, as I try to remind people. For the Greeks, “idiot” carried a precise and special meaning. The person who was only interested in private life, private gain, private advantage. Who had no conception of a public good, common wealth, shared interest. To the Greeks, the pioneers of democracy, the creators of the demos, such a person was the most contemptible of all. Because even the Greeks seemed to understand: you can’t make a functioning democracy out of…idiots.

Consumer tip: T-shirts!  Support Black clothing lines! I love T-shirts. I’ve linked only one option and there are many more. Scroll down the main page for a list of Black-owned grocery stores, book stores, coffee shops and brunch spots—and feel free to Google the same in your location. Let me know what you find.

I’ll leave you with this. My nephew is production manager for a tap dance crew out of NYC. Enjoy! Here’s Dorrance Dance.

Please leave notes here, subscribe to my page and talk to me. We need to be communicating right now, more than ever. Keep love alive.

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #11: “i feel kinda nervous but also just kinda like i don’t give a fuck ya know” - Ally

The F8 vote seemed to have worked out well for me. I believe I shifted the plan from voting Stephen to Jess as Jess has been socially great but I havent been able to develop a great personal relationship with her and our interests in the game seem to differ. I am kinda glad with my position rn tho I am pretty sure the jury hates me rn but my aim is to find a way to maneuver to the end. Stephen and Ally must be really upset with me for lying over and over again and I might be targeted soon.

i am on a train and so i decided i'll write a confessional.

after having time to think last night (misplaying my idol), here are my thoughts: yeah, it sucks. it definitely hurt my game more than it helped. i am now 10x more vulnerable in the game. but, i'm not regretful? i'm now in a less-stressed state, where if i'm going to leave, so be it. no one was really shocked (though some may be more angered at me), and it kinda helps clear a target on my back because i'm like... easy to beat.

now, let me talk about something. after thorough analysis, i believe i have the least likelihood of winning this game. that's fine. i'm not really mad about it. below i'll just provide why i think i can't win this game, and my personal view.

CHANCES OF MAKING IT TO FTC: to begin, my chances of making it to ftc is very limited. i'm in a state where i have no idol, and i must rely on competitions (at some point, not necessarily now). i honestly think i'm safe at F7, but i know in order to get into F2 (or F3), i'll probably need to win a few immunities (or hope people see me as the goat i am and.. dragggg me BAAAAA). other people in the category of 'limited' when it comes to making ftc are stephen/ally/alyssa. now, let's pretend i do win like 3 immunities and achieve that position at FTC. this has two outcomes. first being that i don't think the jury will majorly respect it. and secondly, well, i'll describe it in the points below.

CHANCES TO WIN (IF I REACH FTC): i think i have horrible chances at this rate. ever since jury started, my management of said people hasn't been the greatest. i don't entirely blame myself (though maybe i should), but i don't see stephen w./miguel/luke/jess being keen on voting me. i think the most grossest(word choice?) of those are miguel. he's going to be emotional/bitter, and kind of rightfully so - i did vote him out. but i also got targeted in the first place for trying to save him. i put my blood, sweat, tears into trying to let him live and... well... i couldn't do it. and, in my personal opinion, that should outweigh me voting him. so as of now, i think i have 0/4 locks. i could see current players voting for me depending on how the game goes (i.e ally, alyssa, karthik) but that's so iffy to really count on. now a quick analysis of other players: alyssa - i think she's by far the strongest middle player/has been the swing vote in various instances. though bitterness may be an outcome, she's played a dominating game. ally/stephen - minority. they are going to have stephen w./luke/jess practically on lock, and even miguel to some extent. they are the underdogs that even i would be rooting for if i were on jury. tim/karthik - both are better middle players than i am. they are always the go-tos to make a move. maybe this is a bad thing for them (and by default, good for me) because they are seen as 'goats' or something. i doubt that though. they have more agency, and though i once again don't think that's at MY fault, it ultimately detriments my game. jake - jake has continually been targeted due to being a flexible, snakey threat. though he may not be doing the absolute most strategically/etc., he has that perception of ''winner'' and ''big player'', which alone can carry a lot of brownie points when it comes to voting.

CONCLUSION: So i think my chances to win are the lowest odds because of my inability to guarantee FTC for myself, and even if i do, i ain't going to be a strong contender to win unless the jury comes around to my busted ass game.

- okay, i want to talk about my personal thoughts on this.

i don't think i played the best. but, i don't blame myself for being in this shitty situation. wait. to specify, i don't blame myself for being hated by jury/players. i DO blame myself for being in the shitty position and limited chances of making FTC, which has factors including my prejury comp strength (there was strategy w/ that but i'll talk abt that another time.

my chances have sucked ever since jury started. stephen w. and i were never on a tribe together, and though i was a 'threat', i didn't flip. i did consider it however, but that isn't enough credit for him. it wasn't smart to work with him considering he was targeting me, but that's valid to not vote me in the end. miguel is a loyal and emotional person, 100% valid. i did not meet those terms at the end of the day, and that's only on me i guess. luke showed no loyalty to me and so i reciprocated the fakeness. we never worked together. jess, i DID try to work with, but she rejected that just to kinda blame it on me and so i voted her out. i have no friends on jury, and the earlier jurors are the most critical to some degree (because they can become an unit or something and start rallying campaigns for people).

my lack of agency, which is my biggest in-game flaw, isn't my fault directly. i tried to be extra social and show willingness to flip. of the 5 Kato2.0 members, i think i was easily the most willing to change up the game. karthik/tim have lied numerous times about flipping, and jake has done so prior. i haven't. maybe i should have, and i would be in a position, but i wanted to maintain this veil of honesty that like i was opened 2 working w them, even if NOW wasn't the time. the voted me and then only talked to me abt my vote when they needed me. i have to be missing something. this isn't a bad thing on MY game when others dont want to work with me, but i cant figure out the missing piece. maybe someones lying about what i'm doing and pitting people against me (good on them). maybe i did something really bad. but, it's a struggle. i thought i was playing so well but now i'm in a position of... hopelessness. i don't have any strong friends in the game. tim's probably the closest to me. i'm just... i'm unsure.

-

i want to talk about the future of this game real quick. this round, i anticipate ally/stephen will target one of me/alyssa/jake. tim wants to target alyssa (according to him) so i can see her being targeted. i'm unsure if that's how i'll vote, but i'm thinking. i think, if i am lucky + smart enough, that i'll make f5 easily. if alyssa goes, theres no way ppl would keep ally/stephen both til f5 considering they are minority n have that sway over the jury. put in that position, im the strongest physically. if ally goes F7 (or stephen), then jake/alyssa are a duo i can spearhead to break up. but, if alyssa has two idols, shes final 4 and well . it's over . but maybe she'd idol out like karthik or smthing n then me/tim/stephen vote out alyssa/jake and... yea. there's some hope for me but it's VERY circumstantial.

my brain hurts lol sorry

So last night I was BRUTALLY blindsided. And it's kinda late in the game for that to still be happening! This is way worse than Miguel or Luke leaving. Karth, Tim, Zach and Alyssa all overtly lied to me about their plans and votes. Granted, I also lied to Alyssa so there's that.

Karth, Tim, and Zach all hit me with the "but we're allies now that you proved you're honest" and I'm rolling with it because I don't have much of a choice. Ally wants to try something with Alyssa/Jake but I'm not exactly holding my breath. I won't buy anything until people start coming to me with real plans. At least Zach's idol is gone so others might be more tempted to make a move on him now.

Being voted most honest was something I ABSOLUTELY capitalized off of. I used it to try and get Alyssa on my side by telling her Stephen said she's next if Zach wins (even though she went and mentioned my name) I used it to blatantly lie to Jess and Stephen and Im using it now to do damage control with Stephen

Honestly the reason I voted Jess was very strategic. If Stephen was gone then Jess could weave her way into an alliance with Alyssa and Jake whereas Stephen would not. Stephen is still a big threat to win and with him here it means that he'll possibly take priority over me. Because honestly who wants Stephen at f3??? Who wants Zach at f3??? Who wants Ally at f3?? They MAY want Alyssa at f3 which is why she's my next target Stephen: Its not smart for me to go against you guys either way

Me: I already know this lmaoo you want me in your f3 duh

Im gonna go ahead and be overzealous when i say this may be the first game where I make f3.

I feel like I've played my cards correctly and If it works out how I want.. i could win/ get 2nd. I can literally destroy and discredit Karthik's game in a matter of seconds so I'm not concerned and Jake's game thusfar has been straightforward. If I can survive this round then I can make it to the end of the game. Omg if its a f2 instead of a f3 i will scream. I'm being too hopeful rn lol.

AHHHHH BITCHESSS I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Poverty was on my side. (I'm not poor lmao). I feel great and I definetely needed to win it considering the fact that my name was mentioned last round. Oh I also sent Karthik to the basement in hopes of finding something buy I also sent him there so that I wont make a target out of Alyssa and break any potential bonds there.

Now originally I made an ellaborate plan to vote out Alyssa but I've done quite a bit of talking to Stephen regarding my position as well as everyone's position in the game.  I'm torn between trying to get the vote on Alyssa or going with Ally, Karthik, and Stephen and voting oyt Zach. We will see.

I have a plan for this vote tonight and I think it’ll work. We’re gonna split the votes and if Stephen or ally goes, I think I’ve set myself up for s really good game. Of course anything can happen, but as long as I don’t get blindsided, I feel good about the rest of the game. Of course, that being said, anything can happen and this is Survivor

Thinking about how this could be my last day in the game is crazy. I'm relying on Tim and Karth to hold up their end of the deal to vote Zach out tonight. If it works, everything will change. I'll suddenly be in a real alliance for the first time in awhile. I don't plan on letting go of the numbers once I have them, but I really don't know if I even have them. Karth was my closest ally since Day 1 and he lied to me and sent out my next closest ally. I believe Tim has been leaking information I was posting in the 4-elements chat for awhile now. And I am definitely the target of at least 3/7 people heading into this tribal according to Tim.

Basically, everything should be seen as a negative right about now. But that's not how I see it. Playing from the bottom could be an amazing opportunity for me. I believe with Zach finally leaving, the 2 duos on the other side will finally have to point fingers at each other rather than doing everything behind the scenes. Then I'm just a little bit farther away from the end. Maybe I can still win this thing.

Of course, I could also go home 5-2 if Karth and Tim are just lying. But I think I've convinced them that keeping me is best for their game. Or maybe it's just that Alyssa and Zach come across as too threatening We even discussed possible endgame scenarios where I go to F3 with them. I wouldn't quite go that far with both of them after all the scheming and plotting on their end but hey, one of them can come along for the ride ;). Assuming I don't go home which is still totally possible LADSHSJKDHDKJHKSDJ

it’s rly quiet lol

i feel kinda nervous but also just kinda like i don’t give a fuck ya know

like... i’ve already been lied to and blindsided so many times that it’s hard to care or have high expectations at this point

i’m voting zach, afaik everyone else is down but again that could be a lie or he could have another idol idfk

i’m only loyal to stephen now idc abt any of these ppl

Ally is voted out in a 4-3 vote. She becomes the fifth member of our jury.

[thecrownprincessapollina-aa-blog]

Hey darlings!! Hope everyone’s having a nice day so far!! :D To those of you lovelies who I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet, my name’s Tia and let me warn you in advance that I’m a plot whore, so sooner or later Imma gonna be creeping at your inbox. OK, that just sounded quite creepy  but I promise you that I’m far frm it and I just can wait to get to know y’all so much better! :)) Anyway, the gist of it is that I just LOVE LOVE <3 TO PLOT, so if any of you doves, wanna plot a connection or anything with Apollina, feel free to like this intro post and I’ll def hit up yr IM’s later when I’m more free <3 Below  is Apollina’s bio :)

   So as stated in my ooc intro post in the ooc blog, Apollina is the eldest child of the human Belgium king and currently the crown princess. So far, I’m  imagining that she has 2 younger bros who are pretty to close to her age and two under-18 teenage twin sisters.

   Ever since she was a young girl, she had always been an  extraordinarily intelligent, sharp-eyed and extremely mature for her age. She had a HUGELY IMMENSE thirst for knowledge about everything and she was also a very eager learner. Her quick and sharp mind made it easy for her to catch and grasp stuff, so that resulted in opening her eyes to to the world,the state of her country and the workings of the political state as well as some other stuff.

   She thus, turned out to be very forward-thinking, resourceful and pretty self-reliant which lead to her having many good ideas/thoughts and opinions on how to solve whatever problems the country  had and  on how to consistently improve/advance her country.

Eversince the supernatural community came out to the world in 1996, she had been fascinated to know more of the many supernatural species. Thus, she had whole-heartedly delved into reading, researching and gathering up as much knowledge and information as possible about them. That was not to say, she condoned the villanous acts or murderous rampages or lust for tyrannical power half of that community demanded/craved. She definitely frowned upon the creatures who had committed evil or extremely selfish deeds to benefit their ownself or their own kind solely and would like nothing better for those ppl to be stopped or punished at least. BUT since she was pretty clear-headed and open-minded, she definitely was smart not to condemn a whole supernatural species for the bad things done by only half of their population. She knew there must  be good supernatural creatures around.

And she was proven right, through somehow fatefully getting to know a few supernaturals over the years who meant to do no real harm to humans and didn’t have any bad intentions for the human race. (hint: wcs here fr a few supernatural buddies ;)) She even had a tutor for one of her fav subjects, during her teenage years who was secretly a powerful Wiccan witch who had extended her aging and thus could pass off s looking to be about middle-aged. That witch was a very loving and generous soul who Apollina instantly quickly liked and befriended. her tutor then gradually find out about Apollina’s eagerness to expand her knowledge of the supernaturals and knowing the girl to be  just enough not to use the information for evil gains, she then revealed her secret to the trustworthy teen, and taught her as much as she could about all kinds of info about the 3 main species of werewolves, witches, and vampires.

Thus, my cunning and clever baby has def not arrived unprepared as she has  come stocked up with plenty of vervain (some which she has already ingested before arrival), vervain darts, wolfsbane grenades,a few stakes, some small magically charmed personal items by her dear witch tutor-friend (like her necklace & rings/ even dress) of her own which can protect her somewhat from other supernatural beings and thru her many travels over the years which she used, to lap up normal & supernatural cultural knowledge, she has searched hard and for now found 2 dark objects. All of this kept securely under a secret compartments in her many luggage bags..Ok ,my baby doesn't mean to purposely attack anyone with all her stuff, she's just being  playing safe and smart to use them for self-defense purposes as she has def no plans to die anytime soon. PLus, in fact, she's somewhat hoping to be able to use this gathering as an opportunity to hopefully foster political/economical connections with some of the supernatural royals as being the always-forward and innovative thinker that she is, she can see that there are quite some benefits for everybody involved to work together to further improve/advance their respective countries

My poor baby has never really been in any sort of romantic relationship. For one thing, this ambitious, goal oriented, knowledge-hungry girl has hardly ever spared a thought for romance and wasn't bothered at all in seeking any romantic relationship. She is a warm and loving person but to her, all romantic stuff was just frivolous stuff and in some cases, could even be just small stuff for people to amuse themselves with and quite frankly isn;t really worth her time. Why be knee-deep, madly* passionately in love till you while your hours away doing romantic stuff for long periods of time. Isn't it far better to use your valuable time to devoting yourself in pursuit of information, advancement of your society  socializing with platonic friends & family as well as networking? Thus, my baby isn;t really against romance but she just doesn't bother about it or see the necessity for it. Hence, she views her upcoming marriage to a supernatural as just an advantageous opportunity to foster alliances, gain peace and to hopefully further improve her country. She thinks a marriage is good enough if its based on mutual respect, understanding and maybe some caring for the other's welfare. She doesn't even think about the possibility of falling in love. She is just hoping that her future husband isn't a monster, is witty, smart , proper and has steady head on his shoulder and then they could be friends XD lmao

   So her personality is that of a charming, highly intelligent, friendly, sociable, sharp-eyed, good-hearted and quite compassionate woman as she never wants to see anyone get hurt  unless they truly deserve it or deserve to get punished for a wrongdoing. She  cares deeply about her family, close friends and citizens and can be quite loving towards them. However, she doesn’t trust someone too easily or quickly as she had learnt that people carry many faces or hidden agendas, so she from early on had learnt how to put on a charming  and amiable exterior altho on the inside her true feelings of either anger, frustration, or suspicions remain in the inside. She does show some sternness when dealing with wrongdoers but she never lets her emotions get out of control and does her best to appear collected. These actions were tiring at times, but hey that’s the life of an effective queen is it not?

   Thus she can also be pretty cunning and subtly manipulative towards others, but solely for the reasons of doing good or for benefiting her loved ones or country. There are also times when she has a tendency to be impatient tho she does her best not to show it. She’s also an ambitious woman, goal-oriented, forward-thinking who’s always determined to reach her objectives or results.

She also cares a lot for elegance and behaving in a conduct that's befitting of crown princess in order to maintain a good and perfect public image, so that can sometimes be a pain in the ass to some people. She can also be a lil picky at times, and she is quite opinionated but she's wise& crafty enough to know when and how to voice them.and like i said earlier in her bio, while she isn't against them & ,  this crown princess doesn't really spare a thought of her precious time towards romance or lustful affairs/romps. She's benevolent toward her friends or people who are really into it or pursue it or in relationships but she's is not at all bothered about having this kind of stuff for herself. (tsk, tsk, this girl really needs to loosen up more and get the romantic part of her soul stirred up or shaken up somewhat.)

Oh and one of the things she is highkey not good at is singing. To her frustration and embarrassment, her vocal pipes ain’t that good for singing. Her voice is elegant and lovely enough on the ears when she is talking or giving eloquent speeches, but poor girl can’t sing very well.  Despite having taken some classes, she’s still unable to master the art of singing well, so she can carry a decent moderate tone when she sings, but she can’t go deep and she specially can’t go high-pitch or try to sing loud vocals or else it’ll be horribly off-key or pitchy.

[wendylewis]

06.25.2020 White Privilege: Part one

It’s been a month today since George Floyd was murdered beneath the unrelenting knee of a dead-eyed policeman who I will not name. His fellow officers did nothing to stop him. Our city, the nation, and then—the world—exploded with rage and into activism. Everyone came together inside the nefarious embrace of a pandemic, masked and united, to protest yet another atrocity hurled into the Black community.

A powerful wave rose after that horrible event and I won’t break down all the details because we all know what happened next, and continued for many weeks, or at least, our versions of it. What I know is that Black voices and bodies came surging to the surface of the streets, in videos, podcasts and social platforms, in articles and interviews. I live in the country, relying on news, mostly via the internet, and I have learned so fucking much in the last month from the Black voices I’ve been listening to. I am a sixty-three year old white woman and I have always considered myself an ally but I remain a functioning if resisting-the-label racist and I have more to learn every day. I am getting there. I am staying as humble as I can.

Just last night, my youngest daughter called me out for a few things I said in a certain way that she took issue with. I got defensive, because I think of myself as an advocate, but she was right. Thank you, Kitty. Don’t stop! I want to continue learning to understand every minute detail from behind the blinders of my white privilege and my age, having grown up with so much white brainwash.

This is what we need to be doing, white ppl—friends, allies. We need to remain extremely humble, even if we believe we’ve been lifelong advocates for racial equity. We have not done enough or known enough and we have to do it right now and learn and listen and seek out Black voices and continue doing it until change is not only visible but viable and put into working action. Write your representatives weekly, daily if you wanna. They need to know what their constituents demand or else they will lose their jobs.

=                          =                           =                            =                          =

One hidden historical event that many of my white friends agreed they had never heard about, is the massacre in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Eighteen hours of destruction rained down on a thriving black neighborhood (May 31-June 1,1921)—eerily aligned with the murder of a Black man in Minneapolis ninety-nine years later almost to the date which spawned a worldwide revolution. In Tulsa, 300 people were killed, hundreds were hurt and thousands of buildings were destroyed. It is considered to be one of the worst incidences of racially motivated violence in the history of America. Do you wanna know what preceded this massacre? You should click on my link above, but just in case you can’t take the time, I’m gonna tell you, in brief—even though you might wanna tuck in and learn a longer version of it. Jus’sayin.

A shoeshiner, Dick Rowland, had to ride an elevator to the top floor of the Drexel building because Black people were denied access to more readily available restrooms on ground level. No one really knows what happened when he stepped into the elevator operated by 17-year-old white woman, Sarah Page, but the historical museum of Tulsa imagines he may have stepped on her foot and she screamed. I’m thinking, she probably freaked because he got onto the elevator at all! He was seen running from the elevator, I’m sure, fearing for his life because she was young, white and had screamed. He was subsequently accused of raping her.

C’mon. Let’s get real. What can happen during the course of a short elevator ride and srrsly, what Black man would EVER have taken the chance of raping a white woman, especially in 1921, when the outcome would have surely cost him his life.

Here’s the thing. The Greenwood area in 1921, was a thriving business community and was sometimes referred to as the Black Wall Street of Tulsa, serving its 10,000 Black residents. I immediately jump to the FACT that white ppl don’t wanna support Black ppl if they are doing more than surviving, when they are becoming successful and gaining access to our way of life.

The riot broke out after an article on the incident was published in the Tulsa Tribune afternoon newspaper, which also said on its editorial page that a lynching was imminent. Crowds, of both Black and white people, gathered outside the courthouse. Twice, a group of armed African American men, mostly veterans of World War I, arrived on the scene fearing a lynching and offered their assistance to the police to protect Rowland. As they were leaving the second time, a white man tried to disarm one of the Black veterans and a shot was fired, triggering the riot, with whites pouring into the all-black Greenwood district. USA Today

It took 80 years for Tulsa to acknowledge the massacre as a racial atrocity.

(pause—take that in—80 fkn years)

I had seen the Watchmen series (Hulu/HBO) months ago and thought the opening episode that set the stage for the series was fictionalized. It’s shocking and embarrassing as hell, believing myself an advocate, to not know about that horrific event. Of course, it wasn’t in the history books when I was in school and I’m gonna guess it STILL ISN’T. I really hope I’m wrong. I’ll investigate that over the weekend. Having discovered, over the last month, that the Tulsa massacre was historically documented, I revisited Watchmen and it was a totally different experience understanding the context intended. I highly recommend. I say again, I highly recommend.

Also, if you haven’t seen 13th I hope you’ll add that to your watch list.

+                           +                            +                             +                        +

Meanwhile—addressing the White House cronies:

Reading this article in Medium was so difficult but I could not deny its truth. I posted a comment in protest, however, saying that there are so many of us in this country who are NOT subscribed to the darkness and confusion issuing from our nation’s capitol.

TEASER from linked article: I don’t use the term as an insult — the American idiot. I mean it in a precise way, as I try to remind people. For the Greeks, “idiot” carried a precise and special meaning. The person who was only interested in private life, private gain, private advantage. Who had no conception of a public good, common wealth, shared interest. To the Greeks, the pioneers of democracy, the creators of the demos, such a person was the most contemptible of all. Because even the Greeks seemed to understand: you can’t make a functioning democracy out of…idiots.

Consumer tip: T-shirts!  Support Black clothing lines! I love T-shirts. I’ve linked only one option and there are many more. Scroll down the main page for a list of Black-owned grocery stores, book stores, coffee shops and brunch spots—and feel free to Google the same in your location. Let me know what you find.

I’ll leave you with this. My nephew is production manager for a tap dance crew out of NYC. Enjoy! Here’s Dorrance Dance.

Please leave notes here, subscribe to my page and talk to me. We need to be communicating right now, more than ever. Keep love alive.