#huge dong

[dagdareborn]

My favourite form of Girl Math is them trying to figure out how much of me they could realistically fit inside themselves, before their size kinks and delusions of grandeur convince them that their cervix is feeling brave or optimistic 🥰🥰🥰

[moomoocowmaid]

Call me Jack the way I got two magic beans and a giant

[ultimatekingemperorsupreme]

Canadian diver Vincent Riendeau 🥰🍆

[jaxoncox]

Follow me on OF to see me wrecking my hole with this 😉 JaxonCoxOF - content coming in a few days stay tuned!

[itsfirebadger]

I'm slurp suckswell and I'm here to inhale every rod in the western Pennsylvania area, no matter how rancid.

[dagdareborn]

I’ve been thinking about breeding a lot lately. Maybe thinking isn’t the right word? I think the best way to explain it is a deep, carnal need whenever my dick is hard and all the blood has drained out of my brain. I’m not thinking, as much as the mental image of rutting my gigantic monster cock into your unprepared little womb saturates my conscious mind.

I think about how I’d fly you over. I think about how much it would overwhelm you. I think about how the cocktail of anxiety, excitement and lust would consume you on the flight. And how that would build to its zenith when you see me in the airport with a sign with your name on, and a collar for you on my wrist.

I’m bigger than you expected.

I think I’d start to grow involuntarily just being near you. I’d feel my length swell as I tie the collar around your neck and kiss you on the forehead. The walk back to my car would be punctuated with tension. Both of us desperate to claw and rake at each others’ clothes. Knowing that we had to wait.

Almost immediately as we sit down I think you’d realise I had outgrown my shorts. My length, even soft, far more intimidating than you originally expected. Your pupils dilate. You can feel your heartbeat in your throat. You start to drip. Your wits abandon you entirely.

You don’t remember arriving back at the hotel.

You don’t remember all the work I do with my hands and my mouth to make sure you’re prepared to take me.

You actually don’t remember how long you’ve been cumming. Judging from how your voice is strained and beginning to fail, it must be a while.

You feel yourself stretched to the point of ruin. Fucked within an inch of oblivion. Drowned in the tides of your own bliss.

Eventually you feel my seed pump into you. It’s more than you ever thought possible from a man. You’re filled so completely that each thrust forces the precious seed you had longed for out of your overfilled womb.

You’ve never been happier.

The rest of the visit is more of the same. Lost in a maelstrom of beautiful agony and rapacious ecstasy. And like all things, it ends. You trudge back to your flight and we kiss goodbye.

We know you’ll be back soon.

Returning home, your family have so many questions. They judge your decision openly and unkindly. But you don’t care. The bliss took your wits months ago now. And it won’t be many more until it’s back.

Again, you disembark in a small airport and recognise me waiting for you with another sign and another collar. The walk from the plane to me is trickier than last time.

We grin broadly. I tie the collar around your pretty little neck, and rest a hand on your swollen belly. A lot can change in nine months.

You’re one trip to the hospital away from being mine forever.

Mine.

[sashayed]

ok slut

[dagdareborn]

This could be us.

[sharonisthebettercarter]

hugh campbell is literally the tallest member of the boys in the show and it's one a my favorite details<3

they rarely show it off and tend to use camera angles and posture (hughie boi i see you constantly slouching--LOOK AT HIM~<3<3<3 just casually *unintentionally* making butcher appear is *actual size*--) to play up or downplay/switch up height differences, but i kinda love that hughie went from being the second shortest member (comics) of the boys to the literal tallest<3 (butcher was generally in the middle with homie just casually being a head taller than him--, frenchie and mm being the taller guys on the team, love sausage of course being the biggest guy when there~<3<3<3 he still is btw--)

love love LOVE him so fucking much<3<3<3 literally the *only* REAL bear in this damn series (HE STRAIGHT UP BEAR HUGS BILLY IN THE COMIC AHHHHHHHHHHH~<3<3<3!!! we better see moar of him i swears--). mm is a close one, but he's more of a good big papa wolf~<3 butcher's a scraggly dumpster kitten or fuckin' heifer--

i *also* love love LOVE the single inch height increment hughie and billy got goin' on with homie, it's just the cutest most fun thing~<3 it goes--

5'11" (homie<3)

6'0" (billy bean<3<3)

6'1" (not so wee hughie<3<3<3)

6'2" (LOVE SAUSAGE~<3<3<3<3!!)

i see you sandwiched right inbetween those bois there, 'ey billy~<3? ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

throw in mm between billy and homie, it's hard to find a solid height on that bitch<3 (and they *def* keep trying to downplay his height and bulk cause holy FUCK, THAT MAN--) but i'm gonna say he's probably around 5'11.5", closer to 6'0" maybe??

lol for the roughest layout i guess, they tend to bill urban a bit taller than he is (you can tell cause they'll bill quaid at the same numbers but he's definitely taller than urban, also i SWEAR everytime this man is in a photo that's not a solo glamor shot he's tryin' out some jank ass angles always always always leaning *in* to the camera to make himself look *bigger* leik honey you are so fuckin' cute-- and they *def* keep trying to make billy look *way* bigger than he actually is, BILLYYYYYYYYYYY--) but boi, i see you too<3<3<3

i guess maybe a little closer, it might go something like...

5'11" (homie)

5'11.75" (mm)

6'0.5" (billy bean)

6'1.5" (hughie)

in which there's .75 increments, and then a full 1 inch leap from billy to hughie. either way, they're def very close and not a single one is 'small' per se (except compared to love sausage--tho i do bet starr is one of those fuckers to downplay his height so other men get insecure LMAO--), but i just love the sequencing<3<3<3

what i *also* love~?

(bad posture homie lol) homie's reaction to hughie posturing at his full height was fucking amazing. IT WAS OH MY GAWD--i can't. he had his little surprised moment and then made a *pleased* "ooh~<3" and then smirked like THIS--

leik hughie... MAH BOI--i know he *tried* so fucking hard but leik. homelander is just so unthreatened by him that he's fucking *amused* and engaged with hughie *trying* to be brave. *he relaxed further*-- he just... he just doesn't give a shit. and it's horrible. but also *beautiful* because at this point, you can tell he's just so bored out of his mind that he even *welcomes* the challenge in some ways. he is LOVING that people feel so attacked by him without him doing much--LEIK.

there are a couple other unhinged and unsettling *positive* reactions he has to people similarly enough, (his descent into madness in real time--not gonna get into it now lest this post become *all* about homie--) but man oh man~<3

little bit less posture difference here, will say it's silly fandom obsesses over/exaggerates single inch height differences (particularly between homie and billy while ignoring/reversing hughie and billy, leik C'MON--let hughie be his height~<3! also we should be obsessing over the perfect~<3 *sequencing*, DUH--) but it's honestly pretty amazing how much of a nonfactor the height is in general.

for homie, it's pretty obvious he doesn't give a shit as he's particularly relaxed and unbothered by people being taller than him (especially hughie--literally amused by people posturing LEIK--by the gods his reaction to hughie challenging him--I CAN'T IT WAS FUCKING--GOOSEBUMPS~<3<3<3), but it just goes to show. motherfucker is just playing with his food--

BONUS~<3

lmao blurry ass pic of baby urban getting *dwarfed* by dwayne "i'm 5'11" and wear lifts" 'the rock' johnson. (also that mofo got so much bigger leik gotdamn i am actually curious how much more he'd *DWARF* urban cause ya look at him now and just. he ate a truck--ya look at the rock next to a guy leik SHAQ and HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT the differences are staggering leik one inch is nothin' baby--) SWEET BABY JEEZUZ--

bonus bonus~<3

another detail i *love*?

the shorter two (and frenchie~<3<3<3!) have the bigger/longer noses and... *likely* the biggest cocks--

;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[insertpoetryhere]

Not to be controversial but more art needs to be made of grelle with her canon body type. No one is drawing her in cute a-line dresses or empire waistlines and she has the perfect build for those things. If this behavior continues I will be forced to create a full length presentation on how to designs outfits for your grelle bc she has that gymnast/swimmer chic build that would look SO DAMN GOOD in a corset top with a gauze pirate blouse undershirt and everyone is ignoring this potential in favor of boobs.

[paintaboveyourbones]

All Roads Lead to Ween

Ok, ok, so for various corndog-related reasons, I've decided I need to share my headcannons about Marius' weiner with you all. But, that being said, I come with receipts, and like it or not I hope to convince you all that I have a point.

Click for weiners, wangs, pee pees, I'm talking the worm that needs burping, the noodle that oozes, the gherkin that gets the jerkin - all below the cut.

The historical evidence.

So, if you've ever looked at any form of Roman-Grecco ancient art you'll notice that there's a stylistic trend to depict penises as very small.

There's a lot of debate as to why this is. Some have put forth the proposal that this was merely for public modesty and that the general public might have felt uneasy with statues that depicted full-size, adult male penises in public. Believe it or not, Rome went through some very strictly moral phases now and then, depending on who the emperor was.

However, other scholars often point to Greek ideals in order to decode Roman ones. While I think it's a little simplistic to simply say the Romans stole Greek culture wholesale, there's no denying they absorbed quite a bit of what they admired. That being said, in The Clouds, Aristophanes writes, "A gleaming chest, bright skin, broad shoulders, tiny tongue, strong buttocks, and a little prick" when describing an ideal of masculine beauty. So the idea of small penises being something that could be aesthetically appealing isn't that far off.

I've also heard some classists argue that a small penis is a symbolic representation of intellectual prowess. That it's less to do with the size of the organ and more visual short hand to show a man who has conquered his baser animal instincts. Put a pin in that.

I mean, honestly, I could go on all day about penis theories. Believe me when I say I've only touched on the very tip of the iceberg on this one. But for our purposes, I'll just stick to these as a few main talking points.

But! You might be saying - that can't be true all across the board! And you'd be right! Romans did love their big weiners, too. Just take a gander at these fat cocks.

Wowzerz!

But what's up with that? These big thick fat salami-sized dicks usually appear when connected to mythical figures or gods. Sayters are often times depicted with big hairy schlongs because it's comical and it reinforces the animal half of their nature - its part of the joke. Other times god's are depicted with bigger willy-whackers because it's a sign of good luck or fertility or protection. But it's important to remember these depictions were the exception rather than the rule; they usually served a purpose and were meant to be the focus.

Now we get to Marius. My big, beautiful, awkward, half-barbarian baby.

All roads lead back to weens. I know this isn't a particularly hot take or even an especially erudite thing to put in a tumble post, but men take their jhonsons way too seriously. How much of early manhood and becoming a man is directly tied to the idea of a penis before it even has the chance to be put to its intended use?

And in the Roman world, it's not like this was an area where there was a lot of secret-keeping. People attended public baths in the nude, men exercised naked at the palaestra, and having sex with slaves and prostitutes was a very normalized right of passage Pandora even makes a point to mention this when she talks about growing up in her father's house and hearing the point after the banquet when the raping of the house salves takes place. In short - probably most people in your personal orbit knew that the size of your wang was whether you wanted it or not.

But what if? WHAT IF MARIUS HAS A HUGE WEINER DONG AND HE'S LIKE TERMINALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT???

Like! It's SO un-Roman! He wants to be a scholar, god damnit! How is he supposed to be taken seriously with this huge donkey dick just bouncing around and knocking about between his thighs when he's just out trying to buy new scrolls in the marketplace?

Imagine being a young man and learning how to wrestle with the tutor and the other upper-class sons. When he goes to get in position, somebody yells out, "Careful, you don't get crushed to death by that barbarian club he's smuggling!" Then they all laugh! The shame! The humiliation! If you all only knew how hard I laugh thinking about Marius' weeny being of such a particular size that others use it to humiliate him.

BTW I think this also makes sense to think of it as being super small or really thin. Like, something that he tries to justify by saying it's proof of his superior intellect but everyone knows they don't buy it. Then Pandora's jibe hits differently. And as someone who likes to think of her being the domme in the relationship this leads to even more salacious wonderings, but that's not the point of this post so I guess I'll just stfu for now.

You too can read about Roman dick artifacts here!

[sunglassesmish]

We’ve got a couple months left for new material so I believe in you and your ability to gif every second of mr thomas kinard. It’s what he, his giant hands, his muscular thighs, big ole titties, and huge dong would want.

this is just the type of encouragement i needed, thank you 😙

[lord-shitbox]

been thinking abt it & I've decided my hate on fanon Leander is personal bc it's fucked up to see people rushing to assume the worst of or egregiously maliciously misinterpret the words and actions of a guy who In The Canon Materials is only ever polite and hardworking, even tho he's implied to do so for some ulterior less-shining motive (which has Not Been Fucking Revealed so you Can't Assume It's Heinous Shit) bc I am also just some guy who does his best to act kind despite & maybe even to disprove the gross shit that's inside of my brain. I am not always nice just to be nice and with Leander people talk like that's the most heinous shit on earth like. GAH. Given the nature of the game people aren't wrong to assume leander will be fucked up in some way!! but it's still upsetting to watch people throw away the obvious good he does for the town because he's ~secretly a manipulator~ or some shit. You don't see ais and vere running a soup kitchen god fucking damn .

Like Ais does help out at kuras's but hes also beating the shit out of people so he's probably just canceling out the extra workload that generates . not like I'm canceling ais here I do think it's interesting to note that all the LIs do something that helps others (mhin and vere hunt soulless, kuras does checkups without health insurance , leander uhh. at least gives you a place to stay 4 free & seems like he'd find you a decent job . Come on) but anyways . U can tell this post was written at 3 am to help me fall asleep. Avid Leander is Evil headcannoners on their way to have the most rancid opinions on people with personality disorders send god damnf post

[spicy0pudding]

This man