#hypervigalence
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how are we doing today!
#text#u know its bad when being in ur childhood home LOWERS ur hypervigalence. christ#also i got back on my adhd meds!!!!!!! its going great#i set up my sewing machine + had a snack + now im sitting with my dog while he waits for my sister to get back from the dentist#she just left he'll be waiting a while#anyway thinking of making a family tree with all the disorders that run in my family listed bc its crazy. i forgot my gma most likely has#autism too. and my gpa on my mom's side#+my grandpa on my dad's side definitely had ocd. hoarding ocd specifically meanders in my family getting to know every one of us personally#curls up in the corner of my room next to the books i cant get rid of &such
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my partner calls you his 'beloved mutual dearmahiru' frequently enough that i thought all that was your un haha
ive just unlocked some secret hidden lore... some mysterious mutual not only has a partner but refers to me as "beloved mutual dearmahiru" this is insane
#i am now hypervigalant in figuring out how it is!! /nsrs#i mean i could just ask but where's the fun y'know#꒰ ☁️ ꒱ ── warm regards‚ cinnamon
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thoughts in tags oops
Honestly if there's ONE thing I wish I could get all queer people to understand is that if you're in a situation where you know everyone would treat you differently, especially to the point of it putting your life in danger, if they found out you're queer, you aren't experiencing privilege, you're in a hostage situation.
Like sorry experiencing "passing privilege" is actually just being trapped in a room with a bloodthirsty t-rex and having people tell you that you should be thankful because thier vision is based on movement and you can just stand still. It's not a privilege to be erased, to have to lie to everyone around you to stay safe-ish, to have to closet yourself because you know even a single step out of line could be the end of your entire world.
None of us should have to be thankful to stand in front of a loaded gun while the person holding it goes "haha, don't worry, I only use this on faggots, and you're not a fag....right?" Like this is not a net good and it has almost nothing in common with actually being part of a privileged group.
Anyway, Happy Pride, let's leave this shit behind.
#Favoritism is not privelege#What this favoritism /does/ do is give us conditional acceptance#Ultimately unattainable goalposts for being able to relax#And the feeling that anyone's approval is a bottomless parking meter we have to constantly pay or it will run out#Monitoring this makes us hypervigalent#Constantly on alert for something to go wrong or the mask to slip#Anxiously feeling like nothing we do will be enough#The result is that we cannot feel secure in our value of ourselves or in the way others see us.
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God Zhao is so fucking spivey I forgot how gross he is
#😒😒😒the way he talks to Zuko and more telling the way Zuko reacts to him. don’t like that.#*reading into everything too much*#like yes he’s cartoon villain-y but behind that. narrows eyes.#nothing is safe from MY hypervigalence! not even this kids show😌
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SOCIAL BATTERIES
Do the boys REALLY like people that much?
Character studies.
Going from the most Extroverted to the least.
- 🟠 -
Mikey is THE definition of an extrovert
Suprise, suprise.
I keep thinking about him making fun of Casey constantly, and his fist bump with Vern, or him working the crowd on Halloween. And his eye rolls at Raph and Leo
Can be annoying af and play dumb, but half the time he knows way more than he let's on. And it's SUPER hard to get him angry.
Would be in a fraternity tbh. And like, seven sport teams.
The world is a lesser place with him cooped up away from it.
He's a HUGE teaser and talker. Loves to flirt and prank and play the vibes.
He's a NATRUAL at it
Give him ONE conversation. ONE chance, and he can get literally anyone out of their shell.
Loves having April or Casey or Vern around. Loves teasing them or harassing them tbh.
The bigger his social circle, the better his life.
Is usually a HUGE buffer between humans and his grumpy, tired brothers.
He would be the LIFE of the party. Would be an excellent host of an event, because he'd be everywhere talking to everyone. Remembering everyone by name and face, introducing people to one another, so on and so forth.
He would have multiple friend groups everywhere he goes, with all sorts of different types of people.
Out of his brothers, I see Mikey having the body count tbh
Also probably jumped into a relationship too soon and got hurt early on. He'll be way more ready for the next one.
He has SO MUCH TEXTING TO DO.
His favorite is snap chat.
The BEST out of all his brothers at reading social cues and body language. By FAR.
Can find something to talk about with ANYONE
He's been wishing to socialize his WHOLE LIFE. So he DO!
Probably the only one that can confront and process trauma in a healthy manner.
Not at all afraid of deeper, more meaningful conversations.
Often finds himself the one initiating deep conversations with people who need it the most (his brothers).
He knows there is a time and place for problem solving. And sometimes you just gotta sit with your feels.
Something his brothers STRUGGLE WITH
- 🟣 -
Donatello might not be EXTROVERTED but he is outgoing.
Second to Mikey, everyone in his family has a close relationship with Donnie.
Super caring and fun and inquisitive with everyone he meets.
He'll be down for ANYTHING. Sports, games, cooking, drives, crafts, working out, adventures or pranks or geeky movie nights.
He might not always be good at INICIATING these with strangers but he loves going along with stuff.
Loves showing people his projects and stuff and letting people use them or have them.
Will be there for his friends the instant they ask.
At a party he'd be in another room having a conversation with two or three people.
But I also see him hanging around girls a little more than guys. Finds the girlies to be easier company than guys.
He's been on discord for YEARS. He had human friends before even Mikey did.
But.
He's HYPERVIGALANT of the vibe
Extreme empath.
He does NOT like confrontation.
A HUGE people pleaser.
Feels he's stepping on eggshells around his loved ones and friends. In an effort to keep them happy.
He's a sensitive guy.
If he's told to shut up or be quiet, especially if he's excited or talking outloud- he's modified. He WILL shut up. For a while.
His brothers know this. While they get exasperated sometimes, they rarely interrupt him.
Does NOT like gossip. Don't gossip with him, he hates it
Makes him feel gross and mean.
Hates when people are upset or sad in any way.
When vibes get rough he does not cope well. Often chooses to avoid or straight up leave.
When things get heated he gets overstimulated quickly.
If he can't leave, he shuts down. He won't talk and if he does it's very quiet
Doesn't know how to help or address emotional things either. He prefers to let it go and just move on, leaving stuff unaddressed.
He's an outgoing and pleasant guy, but he definitely doesn't mix with everyone.
- 🔴 -
Meeting Raphael is a terrifying experience.
Because he talks and looks at you like he hates you already.
But he doesn't hate people.
He just sucks at them.
Raph wants a normal life just as badly as Mikey does.
Raphs love language is harassment???
He shows his love by annoying his loved ones. Or through teasing and banter. Or wrestling his bros to the ground or pull them into rough hugs.
However
When he meets new people he isn't there to make FRIENDS.
He's there to let you know that if you bullshit with his family you're gonna get whooped.
So he will posture and glare and tower and maybe even roll his neck or crack knuckles to anyone.
Literally anyone.
Remember how rude he was to April?
So when he can't do any of that- no banter, no pranks, no wrestling and no INTIMIDATING-
He is COMPLETELY at everyone's mercy
Put him in a group of girls, or take him to a party or a bar. ANYTHING out of his comfort zone.
He's very awkward.
Only because he's kinda quiet
And honestly SUPER shy.
Wants to be liked SUPER badly.
He doesn't know how to make friends. At all
Flirt with Raph. I dare you.
You'd terrify him
Is the type of guy at a party to stick to the side of someone he knows and never. Leave. It.
But he finds out he gets along with blue collar guys the most.
And Raph has this super power
He can detect if you're a good or bad character super quickly. Much quicker than everyone else in his family. Like, one conversation in.
Not that he really believes himself. He thinks everyone's out to get him. or his family
If he's not making fun of you, you know he doesn't like you.
Is the type of guy to have quality over quantity relationships.
Hates texting. Honestly hates social media and technology beyond like...insta reels or something. He doesn't like sitting on his phone or video games all the much. Half because he breaks things easily or gets easily frustrated at leaning how to work it.
Rather be doing something active or working on a car or build something or carve stuff.
Might not be as outgoing as Donnie or Mikey, but if people manage to ACTIALLY get him to do something fun, he is ALL IN and having a BLAST.
The kinda guy to crash at his friends house and just chill.
He recharges when he's in proximity of his loved ones. Not always SOCIALIZING but having his people close.
-🔵-
Our REAL introvert
He struggles to socialize even with his BROTHERS
Who are the only people in the world he allows himself to be even semi relaxed around
A conversation with anyone other than his dad and brothers is the opposite of a relaxing/easy activity.
He's honorable, polite, and formal.
But Leo is and EXTREMLY cold character.
Sometimes even a bit cruel and scary to strangers.
Has a weird habit of wrapping his arm kindly around someone he's about to hurt
Struggles to see even April as more than an 'asset' or 'person dad holds dear'
Doesn't see Vern as a friend. Doesn't see Casey as a friend.
Leo is the only turtle April doesn't have a strong connection to. Not out of lack of trying.
Tolerates social situations only if he falls into a leading (controlling) role.
Doesn't like large groups of people.
Very quiet otherwise.
Struggles to initiate activities with his brothers.
He sucks at it.
He is always receptive to when they reach out to him though
And kinda has a fear of getting turned down. Getting turned down by his brothers makes him sick to his stomach.
Not that he admits it.
He also doesn't handle rejection with any grace. Gets just a LITTLE pushy to make you either feel bad or like he's in charge
His brothers still gotta tolerate him being a little bossy and stuck up and a fun-sucker while they hang out with him. They know he can't help it.
But Leo is super relieved every single time they invite him to do something.
What would Leo be like at a party? Leo never WENT to the party. And if he DID, he'd be outside, trying to soak in the quiet. Listening to the party from out here.
or hug him, or just express somehow they still want him around or like him. Or love him. Because those moments are getting rarer and rarer the older they get.
He's completely alone other than his dad. At least he's thought so his whole life
Would be the one petting the cat. Or dog. Not the type to go LOOKING for it, but if it came to him, he would.
Yes, he texts, but never outside of absolute necessity. Or if his brothers remind him of April's birthday.
He likes to read
Even if Donnie, Mikey and Raph are together in the lair having fun, Leo is often by himself somewhere else.
He recharges alone. He does calligraphy and he sketches SOMETIMES. Little stick figures fighting with space guns or something.
But a lot of what he reads are super geeky stuff. Like star wars novels or manga.
But don't tell anyone.
Splinter is his preferred company. He adores time with his dad. He'll spar and train and talk with his dad often.
Doesn't care about having friends but he wants a girlfriend SUPER badly. More than all three of his brothers combined
Being alone with him sucks if you like to talk. He gives you a LOOK that SCREAMS shut the fuck up.
It takes EXTREMLY specific personalities to get Leo a little soft for them. A quiet person with a good sense of humor.
And the likely hood he'll ever get out to find and meet them is next to none existent.
But hey
Even after like, ALL OF THIS
It's not hard to get Leo to smile
#tmnt leonardo#bayverse#leonardo#tmnt bayverse#my writing#tmnt x reader#raphael#donatello#tmnt#tmnt raphael#tmnt donatello#tmnt michelangelo#bayverse tmnt#bayverse leonardo#bayverse donatello#bayverse raphael#bayverse turtles
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What are common signs of a possessed person
Inquisitive!
Here are some common* signs:
Restlessness
Twitching (Stimming more than usual if they do so typically.)
Eyebags
Hypervigalance
Darting eyes
Skin tone color shift
Facial structure shift
Different speech patterns or tone of voice
Abnormal use of body language
Poor memory
Irritability
A need to take over the world or harm others
Sudden talents someone may have not previously posessed
Personality shift
Usually those who are possesed showcase something we've defined as "uncanny valley". Someone may appear human but they will have an air about them that may not sit right.
*Keep in mind that some spirits may present one or more of these symptoms and others may not. Every spirit is different, these are merely the most documented.
Signed, Reigen Arataka 🌟
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Astarion talking with Tav after she gets revived by Withers.
Word count: 325
A/N: Wrote this blurb way back in August for my sweet Tav AKA Tavora, so she/her pronouns used. But I feel like I did a halfway decent job getting Astarion's voice down, so I'd figure I'd share. Hope you enjoy!
After Tav is revived and everyone settles down, Astarion comes to her and gives her a bottle of some kind of alcohol and sits next to her. She takes a deep drink out of the bottle as he begins to talk
"I'm sorry," Tav is so surprised that she almost spits out the flammable liquid in her mouth directly into the fire. "I know how terrible you are at finding traps. I try to be hypervigalant to save you from yourself. It's no secret how you insist on peeking into every nook and cranny for any hidden treasure. Therefore, I take it upon myself to keep you from walking into a pit of spikes or something of the like. But today," he pauses, swallowing, and the next time he speaks, his voice is much more somber, the teasing tone gone. "Today I failed you. And for that I am sorry."
There is a pregnant pause as Tav just stares at Astarion, not really sure what's gotten into him.
"Really, my dear, you must be more careful," and just like that, a switch is flipped, and his jovial voice and expressions are back. "It is quite expensive to get that old shambling corpse to fetch your soul and get it back into your body. If we didn't have the coin on hand, then -" He stops himself, unable to say out loud that she would have been gone forever so easily. He swallows again, tamping down emotions building up in his chest.
"Then we would all be worse off, I would think." He deflects, making it about the entire group instead if just him. "You should have seen Lae'zel and Shadowheart. Scratching at each other like feral alley cats. We need you here to keep us all from killing each other."
Tav laughs at his words, the first time she's laughed since she was revived, and to Astarion it feels like she is truly back with him.
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Hiii, have recently entered the slow horses fandom (only S1 so far😔) and Tumblr is where I've chosen to focus my hyper fixation, love your other River fics icl.
Need to heal myself from the tragedy that is River's love life so I wanted to ask if you'd do a River x Sid fic which starts off w them not being in a relationship and are thrown into an unexpected Slough house op together, their cover being a newly wed couple (BC lamb is a schemeing mf and likes to see River squirm). River is both buzzed and anxious for op (and their cover) and torn between hating and unexpectedly appreciating Lamb's hypervigalance. Shenanigans ensure, BC this is River and nothing can ever go completely right, and ends w some fluff. I'd prefer if this stayed sfw pls, Ty 🫢
I might have gotten carried away with this one 🤭
Get ready, @sad-quality for a multi-part undercover adventure...
this love left a permanent mark
In an assignment that takes them undercover as a married couple, Sid and River must navigate the fine line between their cover story and their growing feelings for each other. As they infiltrate a defense contractor to uncover a secret insider threat, they must balance their mission objectives with the undeniable chemistry that sparks between them. Will their real feelings compromise their mission, or will they find a way to keep both intact?
Coming soon! - Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist 🥰
#river cartwright#slow horses#jack lowden#river cartwright fanfic#river cartwright x sid baker#river x sid#sid baker#slow horses fanfic#this love left a permanent mark
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really tricked myself into thinking i didnt have OCD bc roommates OCD manifests totally differently and with catastrophising for more unrealistic scenarios and also im not usually under duress or doing many compulsions other than handwashing (because we have strict rules in the house about whats "clean" and whats "dirty" and how to handle both so that the "clean" areas remain as such (<- rulees i came up w obviously lol)) and i ONLY get hypervigalent when ppl come into our home and "break" the established rules and its like ohhhhh. no um. yeah i definitely have contamination OCD and weve just been really good at accommodating it lol
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I'm one bad experince away from losing front for awhile. Aha
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How do you deal with chronic pain/issues as an on-campus college student?
Im going back to school for the spring, after taking a leave of absence for a year and then one online class from home this past fall. Im really excited, but I just remembered all my issues and now im scared.
Within the past year I've had two times where it feels like my hip is out of place and it hurts to stand or walk on it. Each time it lasted abt a week where i cant put any pressure on that leg. This has never happened before until it happened for the first time about a year ago, and the second time in march. It hasnt happened in a while, but I'm just scared of it happening again and I cant walk to class for a week, and then my grade suffers bcs of attendance.
Also my cramps have gotten worse over the past year or 2. Like, it can spike to 8 to 9 out of 10 pain sometimes (not all the time). But always with very heavy bleeding. For abt 2 days out of every period, I'm going through maybe 5 tampax ultras a day, and still leak into my pad.
When I'm doing class from home, my desk is right next to my bed. If the pain gets to that emergency level to where I feel like I can't function, I can so easily leave class and lay in bed. But theres a different risk in going to class when I know I have to walk there, stay there for an hour/two hours, and walk back.
Theres also the passing out after sitting for too long and standing up. That im not so concerned about cause i'll probably be hypervigalant about it and remember to stand up slower/flex my abs when I stand up.
I wonder if I could get some kind of note from my PCP that I can give to the student disability services, where maybe if i cant make it to class, I dont get points off my grade? I dont know why, but asking for this feels exploitative. Like im taking advantage of the fact that sometimes i have pain that renders me immobile and non functioning, so I can skip class. I know its not but it feels that way.
Also I'm not sure if i'd need to ask for two different notes for the cramps and the hip, or I only need one? I'm thinking that these all might just fall under hypermobility related issues anyway :/
#chronically ill#chronic illness#disabled student#hypermobility#heds#chronic pain#college#college life#disability
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finally got my root canal and noone in the beehive of dentists & assistants & so on ever misgendered me while talking about me in the third person nonstop. felt crazy, i was so dissociated that it felt wrong but also like. damn i rly am so hypervigalant abt that 24/7 in public and it's so wild to be expecting and anticipating it that much and never hearing it. they were all so nice to me with my big rabbit plushie and trying to hold back from crying
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i guess it's okay, i've decided, to eat.
i've woken up late enough my weight is 'down' enough i'm hungry enough ignore the goldfish littering my bed the shower, cigarette and hour of preparation i take to procrastinate the running tape of background thoughts, judgements, critcisms it's a beautiful day for me to waste. i wish i had friends. or a hobby. i guess i can sit outside and pretend to read while being hypervigalent of my surroundings.
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hypervigalant account security if fun until you have to setup a new phone
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that screencap is killing me. being a high schooler in 2016 was fucking terrifying. like that comment was most definitely a white kid because. oh my god. how do you romanticize that. we were reposting warnings about where ICE officers were spotted to keep our friends and families safe. maga shitheads went out of their way to harass ppl in our neighborhood for months. it was constant hypervigalence to keep each other safe and sane. I hate white people
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I genuinely wish I could put a bullet in my head to escape this erotomania psychosis bullshit. I know I was saying that it was totally making me happy yesterday, and the lovey-dovey parts of it absolutely do, but the rest of it makes me feel fucking horrible. I hate constantly thinking that the universe is collapsing, and revolves around the continued happiness and maintinence of an unstable schizophrenic who doesn't even talk to me anymore. I hate being hypervigalant, constantly looking over my shoulder, and anticipating for him to spontaneously start geting mad at me via text, and threatening me again for no reason. I hate being chained to my delusional and time-consuming rituals that are the only way to counteract the debilitating anxiety, and I hate questioning if this universe is even fucking real. I have an actual enriching life; I have hobbies, and maybe even aspirations. I'd just love to move on and pretend this chapter of my life never happened, but I literally don't have a fucking choice. Everybody else is just going about their lives, and I just can't fucking stop. I'll be judged for it in perpetuity, but I literally just can't. I can't stop believing, and thinking it's all real. I'm going to be refreshing this guy's blog in pants-shitting terror for the rest of my natural born life after having my psychosis fucked with, and there's literally nothing I can do. I've tried everything, but it's just never going to stop. I'm so fucking tired of it all and I just want it to stop.
#killbook#schizoposting#i want to start living and doing other things again#everything was fine last week and i was happy#i don't know why i spiralled back into this again
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