#hypervigalence

[belamourelysianlimerence]

I've been feeling so alone...

I have no in person friends.

I'm afraid to meet people because masking is exhausting and when I'm in a safe space I cry for hours.

I'm so tired...

But every time I sleep I have nightmares of my abusive parent.

I want to move more and exercise...

But I'm so drained from lack of sleep I become dizzy and nap in the day and have aches all over my body. Especially my joints. Idk what to do.

Any gentle suggestions?

Autistic,adhd,cptsd,pda,executive dysfunction, anxiety, depression, rejection sensitive dysphoria, ocd, bpd, BP, hypervigalence, derealization+depersonalization.😒😮‍💨😔☹️😟🥺😥😢😖😣😩😫😤😭💔

HAS:THERAPIST+PSYCHIATRIST

[aropride]

how are we doing today!

[grrrrrrrbarkbarkbark]

Wanna see a magic trick?

(Puts a chronically disabled person in a state of hypervigalence doing hard labor all day) (they almost pass tf out when done)

[dearmahiru-archive]

my partner calls you his 'beloved mutual dearmahiru' frequently enough that i thought all that was your un haha

ive just unlocked some secret hidden lore... some mysterious mutual not only has a partner but refers to me as "beloved mutual dearmahiru" this is insane

[abjectathena]

Do citizens in other countries have government sponsored trainings on how to not die in an active shooter event or is that just an American thing??

[kiki-strike]

God Zhao is so fucking spivey I forgot how gross he is

[dontlookatmytmntcollection]

SOCIAL BATTERIES

Do the boys REALLY like people that much?

Character studies.

Going from the most Extroverted to the least.

- 🟠 -

Mikey is THE definition of an extrovert

Suprise, suprise.

I keep thinking about him making fun of Casey constantly, and his fist bump with Vern, or him working the crowd on Halloween. And his eye rolls at Raph and Leo

Can be annoying af and play dumb, but half the time he knows way more than he let's on. And it's SUPER hard to get him angry.

Would be in a fraternity tbh. And like, seven sport teams.

The world is a lesser place with him cooped up away from it.

He's a HUGE teaser and talker. Loves to flirt and prank and play the vibes.

He's a NATRUAL at it

Give him ONE conversation. ONE chance, and he can get literally anyone out of their shell.

Loves having April or Casey or Vern around. Loves teasing them or harassing them tbh.

The bigger his social circle, the better his life.

Is usually a HUGE buffer between humans and his grumpy, tired brothers.

He would be the LIFE of the party. Would be an excellent host of an event, because he'd be everywhere talking to everyone. Remembering everyone by name and face, introducing people to one another, so on and so forth.

He would have multiple friend groups everywhere he goes, with all sorts of different types of people.

Out of his brothers, I see Mikey having the body count tbh

Also probably jumped into a relationship too soon and got hurt early on. He'll be way more ready for the next one.

He has SO MUCH TEXTING TO DO.

His favorite is snap chat.

The BEST out of all his brothers at reading social cues and body language. By FAR.

Can find something to talk about with ANYONE

He's been wishing to socialize his WHOLE LIFE. So he DO!

Probably the only one that can confront and process trauma in a healthy manner.

Not at all afraid of deeper, more meaningful conversations.

Often finds himself the one initiating deep conversations with people who need it the most (his brothers).

He knows there is a time and place for problem solving. And sometimes you just gotta sit with your feels.

Something his brothers STRUGGLE WITH

- 🟣 -

Donatello might not be EXTROVERTED but he is outgoing.

Second to Mikey, everyone in his family has a close relationship with Donnie.

Super caring and fun and inquisitive with everyone he meets.

He'll be down for ANYTHING. Sports, games, cooking, drives, crafts, working out, adventures or pranks or geeky movie nights.

He might not always be good at INICIATING these with strangers but he loves going along with stuff.

Loves showing people his projects and stuff and letting people use them or have them.

Will be there for his friends the instant they ask.

At a party he'd be in another room having a conversation with two or three people.

But I also see him hanging around girls a little more than guys. Finds the girlies to be easier company than guys.

He's been on discord for YEARS. He had human friends before even Mikey did.

But.

He's HYPERVIGALANT of the vibe

Extreme empath.

He does NOT like confrontation.

A HUGE people pleaser.

Feels he's stepping on eggshells around his loved ones and friends. In an effort to keep them happy.

He's a sensitive guy.

If he's told to shut up or be quiet, especially if he's excited or talking outloud- he's modified. He WILL shut up. For a while.

His brothers know this. While they get exasperated sometimes, they rarely interrupt him.

Does NOT like gossip. Don't gossip with him, he hates it

Makes him feel gross and mean.

Hates when people are upset or sad in any way.

When vibes get rough he does not cope well. Often chooses to avoid or straight up leave.

When things get heated he gets overstimulated quickly.

If he can't leave, he shuts down. He won't talk and if he does it's very quiet

Doesn't know how to help or address emotional things either. He prefers to let it go and just move on, leaving stuff unaddressed.

He's an outgoing and pleasant guy, but he definitely doesn't mix with everyone.

- 🔴 -

Meeting Raphael is a terrifying experience.

Because he talks and looks at you like he hates you already.

But he doesn't hate people.

He just sucks at them.

Raph wants a normal life just as badly as Mikey does.

Raphs love language is harassment???

He shows his love by annoying his loved ones. Or through teasing and banter. Or wrestling his bros to the ground or pull them into rough hugs.

However

When he meets new people he isn't there to make FRIENDS.

He's there to let you know that if you bullshit with his family you're gonna get whooped.

So he will posture and glare and tower and maybe even roll his neck or crack knuckles to anyone.

Literally anyone.

Remember how rude he was to April?

So when he can't do any of that- no banter, no pranks, no wrestling and no INTIMIDATING-

He is COMPLETELY at everyone's mercy

Put him in a group of girls, or take him to a party or a bar. ANYTHING out of his comfort zone.

He's very awkward.

Only because he's kinda quiet

And honestly SUPER shy.

Wants to be liked SUPER badly.

He doesn't know how to make friends. At all

Flirt with Raph. I dare you.

You'd terrify him

Is the type of guy at a party to stick to the side of someone he knows and never. Leave. It.

But he finds out he gets along with blue collar guys the most.

And Raph has this super power

He can detect if you're a good or bad character super quickly. Much quicker than everyone else in his family. Like, one conversation in.

Not that he really believes himself. He thinks everyone's out to get him. or his family

If he's not making fun of you, you know he doesn't like you.

Is the type of guy to have quality over quantity relationships.

Hates texting. Honestly hates social media and technology beyond like...insta reels or something. He doesn't like sitting on his phone or video games all the much. Half because he breaks things easily or gets easily frustrated at leaning how to work it.

Rather be doing something active or working on a car or build something or carve stuff.

Might not be as outgoing as Donnie or Mikey, but if people manage to ACTIALLY get him to do something fun, he is ALL IN and having a BLAST.

The kinda guy to crash at his friends house and just chill.

He recharges when he's in proximity of his loved ones. Not always SOCIALIZING but having his people close.

-🔵-

Our REAL introvert

He struggles to socialize even with his BROTHERS

Who are the only people in the world he allows himself to be even semi relaxed around

A conversation with anyone other than his dad and brothers is the opposite of a relaxing/easy activity.

He's honorable, polite, and formal.

But Leo is and EXTREMLY cold character.

Sometimes even a bit cruel and scary to strangers.

Has a weird habit of wrapping his arm kindly around someone he's about to hurt

Struggles to see even April as more than an 'asset' or 'person dad holds dear'

Doesn't see Vern as a friend. Doesn't see Casey as a friend.

Leo is the only turtle April doesn't have a strong connection to. Not out of lack of trying.

Tolerates social situations only if he falls into a leading (controlling) role.

Doesn't like large groups of people.

Very quiet otherwise.

Struggles to initiate activities with his brothers.

He sucks at it.

He is always receptive to when they reach out to him though

And kinda has a fear of getting turned down. Getting turned down by his brothers makes him sick to his stomach.

Not that he admits it.

He also doesn't handle rejection with any grace. Gets just a LITTLE pushy to make you either feel bad or like he's in charge

His brothers still gotta tolerate him being a little bossy and stuck up and a fun-sucker while they hang out with him. They know he can't help it.

But Leo is super relieved every single time they invite him to do something.

What would Leo be like at a party? Leo never WENT to the party. And if he DID, he'd be outside, trying to soak in the quiet. Listening to the party from out here.

or hug him, or just express somehow they still want him around or like him. Or love him. Because those moments are getting rarer and rarer the older they get.

He's completely alone other than his dad. At least he's thought so his whole life

Would be the one petting the cat. Or dog. Not the type to go LOOKING for it, but if it came to him, he would.

Yes, he texts, but never outside of absolute necessity. Or if his brothers remind him of April's birthday.

He likes to read

Even if Donnie, Mikey and Raph are together in the lair having fun, Leo is often by himself somewhere else.

He recharges alone. He does calligraphy and he sketches SOMETIMES. Little stick figures fighting with space guns or something.

But a lot of what he reads are super geeky stuff. Like star wars novels or manga.

But don't tell anyone.

Splinter is his preferred company. He adores time with his dad. He'll spar and train and talk with his dad often.

Doesn't care about having friends but he wants a girlfriend SUPER badly. More than all three of his brothers combined

Being alone with him sucks if you like to talk. He gives you a LOOK that SCREAMS shut the fuck up.

It takes EXTREMLY specific personalities to get Leo a little soft for them. A quiet person with a good sense of humor.

And the likely hood he'll ever get out to find and meet them is next to none existent.

But hey

Even after like, ALL OF THIS

It's not hard to get Leo to smile

[birdybirp]

Astarion talking with Tav after she gets revived by Withers.

Word count: 325

A/N: Wrote this blurb way back in August for my sweet Tav AKA Tavora, so she/her pronouns used. But I feel like I did a halfway decent job getting Astarion's voice down, so I'd figure I'd share. Hope you enjoy!

After Tav is revived and everyone settles down, Astarion comes to her and gives her a bottle of some kind of alcohol and sits next to her. She takes a deep drink out of the bottle as he begins to talk

"I'm sorry," Tav is so surprised that she almost spits out the flammable liquid in her mouth directly into the fire. "I know how terrible you are at finding traps. I try to be hypervigalant to save you from yourself. It's no secret how you insist on peeking into every nook and cranny for any hidden treasure. Therefore, I take it upon myself to keep you from walking into a pit of spikes or something of the like. But today," he pauses, swallowing, and the next time he speaks, his voice is much more somber, the teasing tone gone. "Today I failed you. And for that I am sorry."

There is a pregnant pause as Tav just stares at Astarion, not really sure what's gotten into him.

"Really, my dear, you must be more careful," and just like that, a switch is flipped, and his jovial voice and expressions are back. "It is quite expensive to get that old shambling corpse to fetch your soul and get it back into your body. If we didn't have the coin on hand, then -" He stops himself, unable to say out loud that she would have been gone forever so easily. He swallows again, tamping down emotions building up in his chest.

"Then we would all be worse off, I would think." He deflects, making it about the entire group instead if just him. "You should have seen Lae'zel and Shadowheart. Scratching at each other like feral alley cats. We need you here to keep us all from killing each other."

Tav laughs at his words, the first time she's laughed since she was revived, and to Astarion it feels like she is truly back with him.

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

Title: Hearing Aids

Words: 1481

Summary: Steve Loses his hearing all at once one night, and slowly realizes he doesn’t need to hear Eddie saying ‘I love you’ to know that he’s loved.

Square and Prompt: B2 Free Space

Ships: Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson

Tags: below

Note: this was a quick Drabble I did :) I didn’t want to get to carried away lol

@steveharringtonbingo

Steve was sitting in the living room like he always does on Hellfire nights. He was one floor above the club, and he was still able to hear their muffled yelling and screaming. It always brings a soft smile on his face knowing that after everything they were all having fun. Still being children in away, even though one of them was a man child. Though Eddie was his, and he had accepted everything about the other with open arms. Such as his obnoxiously loud games that go on for hours and hours.

He flips the page of what he had been reading when the loud noises downstairs stop. Which was a bit weird, but he was quick to come to the assumption that the kids were on a break. Or they were currently in some tense situation where they all had to whisper, that was probably it. He doesn’t think to much about it, or realize how long they’ve been silent. His house was always this silent, with the exception of a few clocks. But he hasn’t had the chance to rewind them, not wanting them to go off in the middle of a session and freak the kids out. Somehow there was rarely even a creak in the boards, even when Eddie walked over them. The house was made to be silent. When his parents were home his mother hated any noise that she couldn’t control.

Eddie had also grown used to how eerily silent the place could get, but right now was one of the times that the house was filled with cheers and laughter. He sat at a make shift throne, something that he forced Steve to help him make. The guy had all of the wood carving tools in his garage, from the time his father had gone through a wood shop phase. Picking up his glass he raises it up as he hops up on said chair. Raising it up while laughing, before bowing down and dumping some of his grape soda on the table. Though he doesn’t care as he sets it down after emptying the dragon glass of its contents. Hopping down off to the right as he claps his hands. “Alright boys, time to pack up.” He hums. All of them pausing for a second before laughing. Now a days most of them just left their stuff here, knowing that their parents wouldn’t find it and treat it like a war crime.

Dnd was still a sore subject around the town, but that hasn’t stopped them from having a successful meeting in weeks. Eddie moves as he was excited to see his boyfriend. On his way past Will he purposely ruffles his hair. He’s the first one up the stairs, with the rest crowding behind him. All of their voices echoing in the stair way, raising over each others and arguing about what could happen in the next session. Eddie hums as he moves peering in the kitchen first, “Stevie.” He yells happily. No response, which wasn’t uncommon. His boy got distracted all the time. Like a normal routine all of the small crowd start to form to thank their host. Who was off somewhere. Eddie looks in the dining room, where once upon a time they used to hold their meetings up until someone dumped grape soda on the white carpet. (It was not Eddie) then he looks in the last place he could think of.

Steve preferred staying on the first floor to heat them play, which was why it was no shock he found him in the living room. “Sweetheart, the boys are headed out.” He says, dangling forward a bit as his hand holds the door frame. No response. Which was a bit weird. He could see Steve from right here and he wasn’t wearing headphones. He also never ignores Eddie either, nor did he get so lost in reading that he couldn’t hear him. Part of his hypervigalence problem. “Hey Stevie.” Eddie tried again. The boys are starting to silent down, moving to see what was happening. Dustin moving and standing right next to Eddie in a second. Eyes furrowed up in confusion as he looks up and meets Eddie’s eyes curiously. Eddie looks down with the same amount of confusion and shrugs a little ‘I don’t know’

“Hey doofus.” Dustin tries this time. There wasn’t much of a reaction there either. Neither of them were in the dog shed at the moment and Steve had been in a really good mood earlier. Eddie pulls Dustin back when he tries moving forward to get his attention. He senses something off as he moves taking the lead. The house now fully silent with the exception of Eddie’s feet moving across the floor.

“Steve?” He asks again. Closer to Steve this time. The boy wasn’t reacting to that either, just flipping his page. Frowning Eddie moves and carefully grazes Steve’s shoulder. Only growing more concerned when his boyfriend jumps up with a loud Yelp and nearly falls on his face from being startled. Looking around confused as he sees all the worried expressions of the group.

“How did you all sneak -“ he pauses mid sentence, that had started to spill out of his mouth with a slight slur to them. Eddie try’s to say something to him, but he can’t hear it. He could see his mouth moving but nothing was coming out.

“Eddie, I can’t hear you.” Steve sounds freaked out as he fights to speak with out knowing if he was saying the right thing. He’s moving his hands up to his ears a bit freaks out as snaps his fingers close hearing nothing. Eddies face is contorted up in shock and worry as he quickly moves himself to Steve. Turning his head and saying something that Steve can’t hear. All of the boys except the upside down gang leave. Dustin, Mike, Will and Lucas all watch with wide eyes. Steve can’t hear them but he knows Dustin’s calling a code red as Eddie pulls him up and quickly snatching Wills art book and pencil when it’s offered to him.

“We are going to the hospital.”

Steve nods his head as he lets Eddie lead him out of the house to his van. Where he’s nearly in tears when everything hits him at once. He wasn’t going to hear Eddie’s voice again, wasn’t going to hear him sing or hear the way Dustin slurs some of his words because of his lisp. Nor was he ever going to hear Robins bitching ever again, though he may have joked about wanting to rip his ears off his head every time she complained about something he wasn’t serious.

As the days pass quickly after that, the acceptation settles in. Happy with being able to see still, not taking his other senses for granted as he constantly had his eyes on Eddie as if he would fade away. Or his hands on the others face, as if he could possibly go blind as well. He follows every step that is given to him, starting to adapt to his new life. He finds that strangely, he doesn’t need his hearing to know when Dustin’s being bitchy. Or to know when Eddie is saying he loves him. The doctors had explained that he had something called SSHL, it was common for someone to lose their hearing all at once or gradually over a few days. But it was able to receive some treatment. If it doesn’t work then Steve was going to be stuck with hearing aids.

Which was the case as he sits in front of the doctor following step by step putting them in. Nodding his head dumbly as he reads the others sign language. Steve hasn’t been able to hear for over a year now, and doesn’t have hope for this working. Though he lets his boyfriend carry of it for him as he sits across from him with a serious face. Keeping his eye on everything. He has been he rock in the relationship for months now, and Steve was beaming at him every chance he could.

Then it’s up to Steve to turn them on. He moves his fingers shakily to both ears looking at Eddie with so many nerves in his expression. Watching as Eddie signs a I love you before Steve is turning them on. And it’s out of nowhere. The sound is hitting him hard as it’s overwhelming. He peaks up confused, trying to process what’s happening. The doctor tries to say something but Steve is quick to stop him signing “no offense, but if I’m hearing anyone’s voice first it’s his.” Before his head is turning to Eddie who is blushing as Steve smiles brightly at him.

“Hey Sweetheart?” Eddie says shyly, before squealing a bit as he’s nearly tackled through the wall.

[a-faggot-with-opinions]

I just saw a thread of people saying (paraphrased) "if you're a trans man you need to be HYPERVIGALANT that you don't act like a Horrible Misogynistic Man(tm) if you're stealth. cisgender men WILL start acting misogynistic around you once they think you're One Of The Guys and you NEED to call it out and educate the violently misogynistic men in your life"

it's really obvious people think a disproportionate amount of trans men are cis-presenting transmedicalists with internalized misogyny. Trans men are not your meatshields for misogyny and don't need to put themselves in a position where they can likely be outed, ridiculed, and/or subjected to violence and misogyny themselves.

I could go on and on about trans men like Kalvin Garrah, just to name one, but it's really not any small group's fault that we're scapegoated like this. Transandrophobes will take one example of a trans man acting shitty and say that we are all like that to "prove" something about how we're all actually just angry oppressive misogynistic men. I am just going to say this: trans men don't owe anyone anything. Of course, it's still really bad if a trans man is bigoted towards anyone else in some way, but what I mean is that trans men do not owe any other group activism.

It is nice when trans men advocate for other groups that they are not part of, but us being respected as human beings shouldn't depend on whether or not we are perfect activists for women's issues, both cis and trans. And it is erasure to try and claim that we experience misogyny any less than cis women do, because that is untrue, but still so many people believe that.

[bagelwithcreamcheeseandham]

How do you deal with chronic pain/issues as an on-campus college student?

Im going back to school for the spring, after taking a leave of absence for a year and then one online class from home this past fall. Im really excited, but I just remembered all my issues and now im scared.

Within the past year I've had two times where it feels like my hip is out of place and it hurts to stand or walk on it. Each time it lasted abt a week where i cant put any pressure on that leg. This has never happened before until it happened for the first time about a year ago, and the second time in march. It hasnt happened in a while, but I'm just scared of it happening again and I cant walk to class for a week, and then my grade suffers bcs of attendance.

Also my cramps have gotten worse over the past year or 2. Like, it can spike to 8 to 9 out of 10 pain sometimes (not all the time). But always with very heavy bleeding. For abt 2 days out of every period, I'm going through maybe 5 tampax ultras a day, and still leak into my pad.

When I'm doing class from home, my desk is right next to my bed. If the pain gets to that emergency level to where I feel like I can't function, I can so easily leave class and lay in bed. But theres a different risk in going to class when I know I have to walk there, stay there for an hour/two hours, and walk back.

Theres also the passing out after sitting for too long and standing up. That im not so concerned about cause i'll probably be hypervigalant about it and remember to stand up slower/flex my abs when I stand up.

I wonder if I could get some kind of note from my PCP that I can give to the student disability services, where maybe if i cant make it to class, I dont get points off my grade? I dont know why, but asking for this feels exploitative. Like im taking advantage of the fact that sometimes i have pain that renders me immobile and non functioning, so I can skip class. I know its not but it feels that way.

Also I'm not sure if i'd need to ask for two different notes for the cramps and the hip, or I only need one? I'm thinking that these all might just fall under hypermobility related issues anyway :/

[vonnegutcunt]

When being hypervigalent doesn't make you moral but you've never experienced any feeling or desire in moderation

[cogbreath]

those are thoughts that i feel are almost like similar to what goes on with pocd, but i dont know or really think i have that, but idk basically forgive my paranoid ramblings about my hypervigalance that i never ever ever come across remotely like the ppl who hurt me i cannot stand the idea of it at all at all to the point im googling ages of characters i feel i might like and feel kind of ill if i cant find anything and they are a character of ambiguous age like if the writers say something like "they can be any age" i dont like that because yes they can be adults but also they can be kids and im not sure how many people out there see the character as a kid vs and adult and what if im an outlier and everyone else thinks theyre a kid and then i come across as a creep like id literally just start sobbing

[grrrrrrrbarkbarkbark]

I'm one bad experince away from losing front for awhile. Aha

[syssyadmin]

finally got my root canal and noone in the beehive of dentists & assistants & so on ever misgendered me while talking about me in the third person nonstop. felt crazy, i was so dissociated that it felt wrong but also like. damn i rly am so hypervigalant abt that 24/7 in public and it's so wild to be expecting and anticipating it that much and never hearing it. they were all so nice to me with my big rabbit plushie and trying to hold back from crying

[reynita9]

The hypervigalence of my brain makes me think like.: 3 train derailments in 1 week. It’s MORE than OHIO. Which is fucked. (Texas & South Carolina) mixed with this “ufo” (psyop) they’re about to be like, “domestic terrorists” “threat to national security” and further oppress people within the US borders. at the same time say it’s for our safety and further suppress freedom of speech/thought/movement and build up support for going to war with China. There was a military general who said we’d be at war with China by 2025. So now when I think of, my position, I know I’d be considered redacted. And that scares me. And I domt think war will be fought body to body. Militaries all around the globe are investing lots and lots of money into bio weapons and subversion through mixed information and creating deep insecurity. Every day my grandma tells me she’s ready to die and this current world is too scary for her. She’s healthy and 79 but is losing the will to live because she doesn’t know who she can trust and it eats away at her. I think many people can relate. It’s just. Insane. U know? …. “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.” Somehow humans always persevere. I can’t tell if we are still in weak men create hard times or hard times create strong men. I really love so many of you and wish peace and health and security for you and your loved ones in these times. We are young still and we are going to see a lot being alive in this time specifically.