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#i ache thinking about the others
littlestartopaz · 2 years
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This is a thank you to all my temporary friends.
To all my friends for a day, who participated in something with me and i never saw again.
To my friends whom i knew since childhood, then distance drew us apart.
To my best friends and siblings of choice who moved away or never lived near me to begin with.
To my friends whose inboxes I'll agonize over for hours, aching to reconnect but not knowing how.
To all my internet friends who moved on.
To all the traitors and back stabbers and fake friends, i guess i was the only one who thought us friends, but thank you too for being kind while you were.
Thank you all, for being my friend. I ache for the days we talked and laughed. I hope that life treats you well, and that you find someone who can accept you as you need.
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divine-draws · 22 days
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Take me to the docks, there is a ship without a name there And it is sailing to the middle of the sea The water there is deeper than anything you've ever seen Jump right in and swim until you're free
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the loneliness and sadness that creeps into you in a way that only growing up queer can cause. your parents can accept you and still make you feel like an outsider. your parents can love you and still reject parts of you. that old-fashioned kind of love where they think trying to mold you, make you tough, is better for you. or that quiet status quo where you just don't talk. and where everyone is accepted, though some are more than others. generations and generations it's just been easier to let it slide. to let it be. not cause a fuss. but then we sit there with a knot in our chests all our lives wondering how it got there
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toldentops · 8 months
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talk about kinoga. NOW.
GAH I JUST THINK THEY ARE SO............. well first of all. they are so cute and handsome. look at them right now
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Second of all I have one million feelings about them and it's barely an exaggeration. For those who aren't familiar, Kinoga is one of my beloved splatoon ocs and I think about them all the time. Originally made when I tossed a "what-if" idea about Trito, my first splatoon oc, who was once part of the octarian military, if he runs into one of the old squad members on the surface, and Kinoga was born with the help of @igneouskit. Brainworms ensue. its terminal. check out their toyhouse
(extremely brief rundown for those unfamiliar with splatoon lore the relevant bits are as follows: some octolings are part of a military that were forced underground after a war with the Inklings over land due to rising seas. At some point during the plot, the song Calamari Inkantation is sung by the two idols, which is apparently imbued in the DNA of all creatures and compels octolings to see the surface. In the splatoon 2 DLC, octo expansion, some octolings are recruited by a shady company called Kamabo Co, which entices participants to enroll in tests through a deep sea metro, and offers the "promised land" as a reward. Completing the tests entails collecting parts of a blender, and the "reward" is getting blended into sludge. This sludge can get injected into other octos which causes them to lose their will and consciousness ("sanitization").
timeline-wise much of their story takes place between splat 2, through octo expansion, and is currently in the splat 3 era. When they were still in the military, they ended up hearing the Calamari Inkantation like Agent 8 did. Kinoga and their squad were incredibly close to each other. Unwilling to just up and leave the underground but wanting to give their squadmates a better life, Kinoga hears about Kamabo's "promised land" and wants to seek it out, so they leave the squad to embark on the metros and promises to return. They do not <3 Some of the tests make them encounter sanitized octolings and they begin to question what's really happening in the metros. Their tipping point is when they run into Agara, one of their squadmates that decided to enter the metros to look for Kinoga and ends up being sanitized. Kinoga, facing the crushing realization that their squadmates had followed them, unaware of the danger, narrowly escapes being killed by Agara and eventually makes it to the surface.
This results in them experiencing a good amount of crushing guilt about leaving, they never knew it would lead to the possibility of dooming their whole squad that followed after them because they were loved and trusted. Kinoga had no way of letting the rest of them know that they should turn back and it's so. AAUGH. They have no choice but to continue on, finding life on the surface and eventually making it to splatsville with the belief that the rest of the squad may be gone. Agara and Trito end up running through the metro, Agara gets sanitized and Trito survives, albeit without getting a nasty scar from an accident that nearly got him sanitized.
Trito makes me insane also. he's my funny silly rabbit. I care about him so so much. trito goes through the metros, to maybe catch up with kinoga or meet them at the promised land, trusting that it was worth leaving if Kinoga decided it was worth it for all of them too.
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Trito, upon learning about The Horrors in the metro later, realizes what could have happened to Kinoga and Agara and is unwilling to return to the rest of the squad with this knowledge, struck by the possibility that they're both gone. <-also has to realize that these horrible things have been happening to all the octlings that left to go do the metro tests. He too, eventually escapes to the surface and makes it to Inkopolis.
Years later, Trito, on a day trip to Splatsville, encounters Kinoga on the streets, and they lock eyes. and. fuck. They thought they were dead and had dealt with the grief and accepting that they were gone, effectively pushing those thoughts aside, and now they're physically in front of each other and they have to deal with it again. they make me SICK. Kinoga knowing that trito went to the metros and followed them and made it out also. Trito knowing that Kinoga experienced the horrors as well and survived. Neither of them able to return to tell the rest of the squad but they're both here, alive on the surface and aarrghhhhhhh. now they have to cope with this. they hastily exchange contact information, having to leave each other again, and end up meeting later to really catch up.
I'm so normal about kinoga and their relationship to trito post-domes. They don't even realize that they miss each other so much because they accepted that they were already gone. Seeing how much the other had changed. Being each other's only tie to their previous lives and it dawns on them that they never can move on from this. Kinoga struggles to tell Trito that they couldn't bring themselves to go back, not knowing if they could escape a second time, not knowing if any of their teammates were still left, already dealing with occasional spurts of being wracked by grief. Trito feeling the same, wanting to forget the terrible things and find happiness on the surface, but disheartened when learning that Kinoga also couldn't bring themselves to go back to look (though now that the both of them are together.....they do eventually muster the courage to go back to the domes to look for their old squadmates). It like. sucks so bad. They didn't intend to abandon their squad, but they were given circumstances where they just could not, and none of the other squad members could have known and suffer for it. aarghhhhh.
They end up at Trito's place, Kinoga and Trito end up being very affectionate towards each other after reuniting, definitely Trito being clingier...Compelled to hold onto each other and not let go, not after feeling so much regret about leaving in the first place. It's like. they left once before and terrible things happened out of their control, so they're allowed to hold each other as close as they can so it doesn't happen again (THE DEMONS) (GRIPS). it's irrational for Trito especially to think that he'll never see Kinoga again when they have to leave, since they live in separate cities and have to go in the morning. and kinoga knows it's irrational and they do their best to comfort him anyways because. who could blame him for wanting to keep them there after being gone for so long and so unexpectedly. The slow, crushing experience of not fully registering that someone could be gone and it creeps up to them until it hits. auuuuugh. they have to be so tender with each other, not really knowing where to take things afterwards but relishing in the moment of having each other there. riding the high of each other's comfort. fuck. this post is just getting worse as it goes. Trito breaking down in Kinoga's arms because he's had to hold in his grief and having nowhere to put it and then finally being able to release it. just being able to feel Something again. kinoga feeling so heartbroken to see trito like this, remembering that he was always so outspoken and smiling and having him curled up against them unable to say anything. holding him as tightly as they can. Feeling the need to take good care of him. They aren't his squad leader anymore but they still feel compelled to look out for him because then they can feel like they're doing at least something right. whatever. you guys get the gist. I'm way too much of a sucker for like...............pained intimacy. I'm down terrible. I think both of them deserve a little kissy and more. again. very touchy and affectionate with each other, I guess theyre still like "friends" (A WARRIOR'S BOND. OR WHATEVER) and are not "together" like a couple but here are words from igneouskit who put it better then I could ever. they love each other so much and they make me blow up. worlds most situationship
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and also one bit I forgot to mention is that Trito has a huge scar on his chest that he hates talking about, it just brings back the fear and pain felt when he got it, and by association reminds him that he's alone from his squad who may never see again, so he's very protective of it. Upon getting back to kinoga, they do find out about the scar accidentally, and Trito lets them. like auuuugh they were so familiar with each other and now get to see what's changed since the last time. exploring eachother's bodies. whatever
Kinoga also ends up feeling really guilty at some point for Trito being immediately so affectionate towards them, they harbor thoughts that they don’t deserve it after having him go through that pain, and trito having to tell them that he made his own decision, nobody was forcing him to go, and besides, did it to see kinoga and now that they’re right in front of him he can give him all the love he’s been holding for them. Auuughhhh. Like don’t worry about feeling guilty for it. It wasn’t their fault. What matters to him now is that they’re both alive and with each other. I feel like blowing up
Even after Kinoga goes back to splatsville the next day trito is still aches about them......like a few days of reunion could never be enough to compensate for the years that they spent apart. every time they meet up after that trito jumps in kinoga's arms and kiss them like it was the first time they'd reunited
anyways. they eventually go back down to the domes to find the others. By that time, Agent 8 had dismantled Kamabo, the Sludge shit was no longer in operation, and octolings have started going to the surface. Kanu, another squad member, left the domes to find Kinoga, Agara, and Trito(jilon was another squad member who left for reasons I haven't decided yet). Denchu, the last remaining member, stayed behind, holding on to the hope that the missing members would someday return (denchu is a whole other can of worms. theyre everything to me and I feel so terrible for them <3). Trito and kinoga meet denchu, they update them on everybody else, leaving agara unaccounted for. Kinoga, who was the only one to see Agara firsthand, knowing that she might be completely unsalvageable, hesitates to bring it up, but Trito insists on going to look for her. aughhh. kinoga wants to spare trito the pain of seeing her dead or unconscious. They do eventually find her </3
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She is alive, but not doing well at all, Kinoga desperate to maybe find some way to undo sanitization and restore her to full health, knowing full well that it may not be possible. They take Agara back with them to the surface and Kinoga spends a lot of time agonizing again over having caused this, feeling that agara's state is somehow their fault (ITS NOTT they're beating themselves up so bad for this because they feel responsible for the squad. aughhh).
I think thats all I have for kinoga. for now. obviously there are more thoughts I can get into but currently my brain has just latched so hard on trito and kinoga's fun situation and I love them so much. didn't think I'd get attached to them this bad but here we are </3. I hope everyone who has read this far also enjoys them as much as I do
#THIS TOOK FOREVER TO TYPE. KEPT GGETTING SELF CONSCIOUS ABT HOW MUCH IVE ALREADY TYPED FOR THEM IN OTHER POSTS#my ocs#my art#trito#kinoga#splatoon#splatoon ocs#THEYRE SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I have been so crazy about them. so crazy. this post doesnt even encapsulate all my thoughts about them#basic arc(?) in chronological order and some thoughts also#cant even describe the like. aching. burning. thinking about kinoga#like I need to kiss them of course but (AGONIES) trito misses them so so much.#loves them so so much and has to deal with it when it floods him all at once during the first encounter#sorry if none of this is like. comprehensible#I've been so ill about them and trito for weeks#these thoguhts are usually for rotating them in discord servers but you all get to get blasted by them all at once#STRUGGLED so bad to write this out because every time I had a new thought I had to go lie down and think about it#anyways. anyways. care about them so much. what ever#its still mostly about trito since he's like my 'main' character but kinoga still gets roped into these feelins#also joked that if trito ever gets a partner itll be like#'this is my partner'#'and this is my friend kinoga who id die for and trust with my life and kiss on the mouth'#more realistically trito just loves all his friends as closely as he would a partner. he has so much love in his heart#blows up I just reread this I think I used ‘crushing’ as an adjective like 4 times. whatever
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undead-moth · 3 months
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I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?
I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.
Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.
Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.
#The Bear#SydCarmy#I was like a casual fan of this show two days ago#and now seeing how little respect this show gets from it's fanbase I'm losing my mind#I mean I shipped SydCarmy before anyway but now it means so much to me#it means so much to see such a realistic and purposefully well paced romance take place#so many shows portray romantic relationships and their beginnings in ways that just don't really happen in real life#and this show very purposefully said no. These are characters who are strangers. who are working together. Who are in a tense environment#and each of them has problems - one of them the type of problems that makes developing new relationships pretty difficult#these two would not get together right away. It would take a long time. And there would be ups and downs.#And even when that's the case. Even if when it takes a long time and doesn't go smoothly and is hard -#it can still be beautiful. It can still be romantic. It can still happen and here's how#and I'm just so inspired genuinely. It is so difficult to write romance without being cliche and so difficult to write it in a way that#could actually happen in real life and I really do hope I can write something half as good some day#and then to know so many people have no appreciation for it at all#because they prefer the shows that have characters make eye contact a few times and then confess their love for each other like#it's just fucking sad. So sad that so few people have any appreciation for good writing especially the difficult of romance writing#like I really just don't even know what to tell you. In real life these two would not have confessed to each other yet. They would not have#kissed yet. They would not have even realized they have feelings for each other yet because those feelings would still be developing#and I also want to point out that given the disparity in power between Syd and Carmy in season 1 it wouldn't have been healthy for them to#get together much sooner. He was her boss. He was also her idol. Before they can even get together that needs to be balanced out.#And then on top of that don't you see the value in Carmy realizing the dream girl he's romanticized in his head - Claire - isn't actually#what he wants? Don't you see the beauty in him being disillusioned from that? And realizing that Syd is what he wants?#Don't you see the beauty in Syd having an idealized vision of what Carmy The Great Chef is like realizing she was wrong and that he's human#and flawed and then realizing - she loves him anyway? She loves him more for not being on a pedestal and for having his flaws?#Are you telling me that even thinking about this doesn't move you? Doesn't make your heart ache a little?#And again - ship and let ship - but what is Luca? What is Luca if not just what she was hoping Carmy would be when she wen to The Beef?#What is he if not just another man who she has not seen under pressure yet? Not seen reliving trauma yet? Not been her boss yet?#It's easy to look at him and think he's better than Carmy - and that's the point. That's the point The Bear is making.#It is easy to want someone you don't know. It's hard to want to someone you do know. But that's what love requires and that's the point
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piarlieism · 20 days
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oh so now we're finally talking about it
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leonsliga · 5 months
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Manu the miracle 💫
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cleromancy · 9 months
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sexiest and funniest thing roy harper ever did was look at dick grayson and go i could fix him
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cosmicrhetoric · 1 month
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the problem with reading berserk and going "ok yeah i think that was actually too much for me. like i went in with clear eyes and thought i could handle it but maybe that was too much. no shame in tapping out" is that i keep remembering parts of it that were genuinely awesome and then getting hit with the memory of like. well. iykyk and then i feel so so so so conflicted about the work as a whole that i immediately get a stomach ache
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iiguess · 6 days
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OOC. Just out of curiosity, I'd like to know what everyone thinks about self-inserts? I know I benched my main version of Sam due to her seeming to become more self-insert-y, but I do know that there were those who sincerely enjoyed her character despite it.
That being said,
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tamagotchikgs · 1 month
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my mom keeps listing off things i need to do and accusatorily asking why i never do anything like art anymore n i am just. so exhausted. ive never been more tired i just want to burrow myself in the earth n disappear in the cold dirt
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tennessoui · 1 year
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Master Anakin in Foolproof, Foolhardy is foaming at the mouth jealous of Qui-Gon for having Obi-Wan's padawan braid, isn't he?
oooo i think knight anakin is foaming at the mouth for a lot of obi-wan's padawanship under qui-gon!!
i think i really tried to show that qui-gon and anakin's relationship is never the same after qui-gon agrees to take obi-wan as his padawan even if anakin begged him to do it. he's too jealous. he's too involved. he has a screaming fight with qui-gon about teaching obi-wan soresu because even if he isn't his master, he can't let him go AND he can't truly live with not having any part of obi-wan in his life (because i think in the early years of his padawanship, obi-wan is completely icing him out because he's the most hurt then, and anakin never really expected that)
BUT i think honestly anakin is fine with not getting obi-wan's padawan braid by the end of the fic because he gets obi-wan!! in ways he never even dreamed of when he asked qui-gon to take him as a padawan!! obi-wan loves him just as much, wants him just as much, in ways that go wayyyy beyond padawan&master relationship
so in the end, he's fine with it
(if he sometimes braids a section of obi-wan's hair into a little braid while obi-wan is asleep, that's just between him and the Force)
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moe-broey · 6 months
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Three of them
#fire emblem#feh#DIRECTLY INSPIRED by how sometimes i like to cheat in heroes journey and bring duo al/sharena LMFAOO#two of them and some other guy. idk when it happened it just integrated here.#world is a fuck born to tag along. this applies to BOTH moe and sharena i think.#it is so funny and so important to me actually that 'sometimes there's a third one' applies to both of them#anyways please please PLEASE read into the characterization in the poses bc i'm going to throw up. and cry#like fuck i'll do it for you actually LMFAO like moe is just silly. nosferatu ass. why do you sleep like that.#it doesn't like being touched a whole lot though. it's extremely picky about it. it's easier to hold a stuffed animal instead.#alfonse has a higher tolerance for touch but it's still situational. but when he touches he clings.#also. one hand gripping the plush goat ear. an acknowledgement of moe's boundaries.#and the other hand. lightly subconsciously holding on to a tuft of sharena's hair.#sharena has grown out of being super cuddly w alfonse but she will take any and every opportunity to 'steal body warmth'#she also directly mirrors him.#also i think whenever she shares a bed/sleeping area w someone she's a bed hog. she is pushing you off that thang#if you're not Willing to be smooshed by her. also. which is why alfonse is acting as a barrier here too LMFAO#like it's just a tiny doodle esp cause i didn't have the energy to do more but it made me ache so bad#that i threw up and exploded and died. badly.#fe alfonse#sharena#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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squiddcakes · 10 months
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You ever watch a Sam and Max video essay in the middle of your college cafeteria thinking it be something nice and short and end up bawling your eyes out in front of five people. Can someone please relate.
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dirtytransmasc · 1 year
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the chokehold Alicent and Aegon's bond, the level of mommy issues the latter has, and just the raw emotion between the two of them, has on me is wild and I need to be put in some sort of rehab I think.
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sparfloxacin · 4 months
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hellooooo here's something that's been stuck in my head for a few days now:
Olli and Aleksi have a fwb situantionship in which they mostly give each other handjobs or grind, and it doesn't mean Aleksi likes men because they never kiss or anything like that, so it's fine, but then one night Olli surprises Aleksi with a quick smooch on his mouth mid-handjob (maybe he'd been dying to do so for so long) and Aleksi then decides that maybe a little kissing (🤏) is okay because they're doing it during a handjob so it's, like, part of it? that's the excuse he's gonna use anyway when he kisses Olli back, and so they start regularly making out while pleasuring each other and oops soon enough Aleksi is looking forward to the kissing as much as the handjobs/grinding, if not more, because as it turns out Olli is a great kisser and Aleksi always cums so hard when they do that and sometimes he kinda wants to just make out but he's overthinking it so he doesn't dare suggest it because that would sorta mean he likes men, wouldn’t it?? which he doesn't, of course, he's just a guy in his 20s who has sexual needs to be taken care of while he's on tour far from home 🤧
helloooooo I love everything about this 😩😩😩 just today (and also yesterday and the day before that and.. actually everyday) I thought about Aleksi being in denial and his brain making all those stupid excuses to be closer to Olli and aaaaahhhhh 😭
very obsessed with Aleksi looking forward to the kissing more than the actual handjobs/grinding 👀 maybe Olli notices how much it turns him on and how much he enjoys it and starts teasing him about it and it’s soooo difficult for Aleksi not to just kiss him right there, even though his brain says he shouldn’t 🤧
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