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tpwkjerii · 3 years

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strawberry kisses

you and felix have a longstanding tradition of baking the day after finals. usually, it’s the best method of relaxing after long hours of studying. unfortunately, you find yourself rather tense this time — after all, it’s always fun to spend an entire day in a cramped kitchen with your crush, isn’t it?

pairing: lee felix x reader

warnings: fluff and kissing, mild angst, reader likes strawberries (sorry if you’re allergic skdlsd), ex boyfriend (but supportive bestie) minho, reader has low self confidence :(, like two curse words, kisses!!

genre: friends to lovers au, kinda idiots to lovers, mutual pining

word count: 2.9k+

a/n: short fic for Felix hehe

Your eyes glazed over as you reviewed the last response of your final exam of the term. After two long hours of plugging equations you hardly understood into your nearly-dead calculator and speed-writing to the point where you’re sure you’ve bruised your dominant hand, you finally finished. At lightning speed, you gathered your exam papers and submitted them at the front with a quick prayer to the universe.

A few other students followed your rushed pace out of the large lecture hall, all of you eager to finally get out of the stuffy room.

As you stepped out of the packed hall and into the cooling outdoors, you checked your phone, which was filled with texts from the one person you were trying desperately to get out of your head (and miserably failing at that).

felix (strawberry head) <3

5:23 PM

did you finish your chem final ???

hyunjin and i just submitted our video for our dance performance

your editing was very good btw :D

5:35 PM

y/nnnnn you’re taking forever :(

we’re waiting at the quad for you !!

5:40 PM

*i am waiting at the quad for you

the others got too hungry and left, but i’m waiting for you!

pls hurry it’s cold :[

You bit back a laugh at his texts, his heartwarming tone filling you with a familiar fuzzy feeling. You pushed the feeling aside as you texted a reply.

y/n

5:43 PM

be there in 2 :D

You stifled a smile as you rushed towards the quad. Soon enough, you saw Felix and his bright, red-dyed hair (you first noted that it closely resembled a strawberry). The moment your eyes met his, you felt your heart skip a beat and heat spread across your face. This was the common reaction you’ve had for the past few months whenever you see Felix.

He rushed over to you with a giddy smile and his arms outstretched. Quickly, he barrelled into you and pulled you into a tight embrace.

“You took so long,” he whined, his chest vibrating as he spoke.

“I know, I know. ‘M sorry,” you responded, your voice slightly muffled by his shirt. You took a second to enjoy his hold and the comforting warmth that Felix always provided you whenever he was near. Over the past few years, you’ve grown accustomed to the scent of his sweet floral perfume, the feeling of his tight hugs, and the way he played with your fingers when he was bored.

All the things you were fond of were now extreme nuisances in your life. Not because they were annoying or because you disliked Felix, but rather the complete opposite; you were completely, helplessly, and foolishly in love with him.

“You ready to go?” Felix asked suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts. He brought his arms down from around you, and you looked down at the ground as you nodded, hoping that he didn’t see the intense blush that was spreading from your face to your neck.

You are so fucked for tomorrow.

After an entire night of tossing and turning in anxiety, the next day finally arrived. To say you were nervous was a massive understatement.

The minute you woke up, you began to anxiously clean your apartment while your roommate Ryujin laughed at you. As you wiped down every visible crevice, she made sure to pester you about a “missed spot” or tempt you with sweets.

“You’ve never cleaned this much whenever Felix came over before,” she pointed out with a laugh while you wiped down the kitchen counters for the fourth time.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice uncharacteristically high-pitched.

Ryujin scoffed. “It is so obvious that you like Felix, there’s no point in lying to me,” she stated bluntly.

Your hand froze mid-wipe on the counter. You looked over at your blue-haired roommate nervously. “Is it really… that obvious?”

“Yes,” she deadpanned.

You winced and dropped your head onto the smooth stone countertop. “Do you think he’s noticed?” you moaned into your arms.

“If he hasn’t, I will personally pay for his glasses prescription.”

You whined again as you lifted your head up to look directly at Ryujin. “If he’s noticed then why hasn’t he said anything?”

She stood up as she answered, “Not sure but you could always ask him today.”

Your mouth dropped in horror at the suggestion. “I can’t tell him how I feel! That would completely ruin our friendship!”

“So you’d rather continue tip-toeing around him and never get a clear answer?” she questioned, her arms crossed.

“Yes.”

Ryujin sighed and started to collect her things. “You can do whatever you want,” she started as she placed her papers in her backpack, “but I recommend you tell him soon.” She stood up and headed for the door. Just before opening it and leaving you alone with your thoughts until Felix arrived, she turned around and said, “I won’t be home until late, have fun.” With that, she winked and walked out of your shared apartment.

You scoffed at her suggestive tone and stood upright to check the time.

10:08 AM

You gasped. Felix said he was going to arrive at 10:30, but knowing him he would be at least 15 minutes early, meaning you only had 7 minutes to get yourself together!

You cursed and rushed to your bedroom. Switching out of your wrinkled pajamas, you opted for a random hoodie you grabbed out of your closet and jeans. After you changed, you made a beeline for the bathroom and fixed your appearance. You quickly brushed through your hair and washed your face, hoping you removed all remnants of your restless sleep.

Just as you predicted, you heard four distinctive knocks on your front door right at 10:15.

“Coming!” you exclaimed as you rushed out of your bathroom.

Right before you opened the front door, you placed a hand on your beating heart and mumbled words of encouragement to yourself. Then, after deciding that you were probably taking too long, you pulled the door open.

Immediately, Felix, covered in a large hoodie and arms filled with large bags of baking ingredients, greeted you with a large grin. Like every other time, you felt your heart skip a beat when you made eye contact with him.

“Hi,” you said simply, a smile on your face.

“Hi,” he responded. He looked you up and down, asking, “Are you wearing my hoodie?”

You paled and looked down at the large pink hoodie, immediately recognizing it as the one that Felix lent you almost one year ago when he dropped you off at the airport since you forgot yours in the car. Once you got back from your trip, you’d forgotten to give it back to him.

“O-oh,” you stuttered, looking down at the oversized sleeves. “I didn’t even realize,” you continued awkwardly. “You can ha -”

“It’s fine,” he cut you off, the smile never leaving his face. He shrugged. “You look better in it anyways.”

Your mouth dropped and you found yourself unable to respond for a few moments. Felix laughed at your dumbfoundedness and gently pushed you aside to walk into the apartment. Once he set the bags down on the kitchen counters, you returned to your senses and closed the door to walk over to him.

“So, what are we making today?” you asked, trying to keep your voice as level as possible. It wasn’t an easy task to do, considering his proximity to you.

You held your breath as he grabbed your hands and looked into your eyes. “What’s your favorite fruit?” he asked excitedly.

“Er, strawberries?” you answered, tilting your head to the side in mild confusion.

At that, Felix let go of your hands and quickly pulled out a carton of fresh strawberries from one of the bags. You gasped in delight at the sight of the bright fruit and immediately thanked him.

“It’s no big deal,” he responded while sliding the fruits into the fridge. “I’m gonna eat most of the tarts and choco strawberries anyways,” he added with a sneaky laugh.

You scoffed. “You always say that but you always end up giving me the most.” You smirked at him while taking out the baking materials.

“I don’t give it to you,” he countered. “You steal them.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” you told him with a sing-song tone. He laughed from your side, and you swore that you heard actual sparkles, as if he were a fairy, when he did.

You cleared your throat, hoping to rid your mind of distracting thoughts that could be potential problems during the next seven hours that Felix would be at your apartment. “So, master chef Felix,” you started, lowering your voice like a TV show announcer. “What are you going to do first?”

“Well, my fair announcer,” he began, holding up the silicon whisk like a microphone. “I think we should start with preparing the shortbread dough, what about you?”

“Ah, you are the chef. Lead the way,” you responded with a wide smile.

You both laughed together and actually began the baking. Like usual, Felix did most of the work while you played music and assisted from the side. You worked together seamlessly, and soon enough the shortbread cookies were done and strawberry jam cooling to the side.

While you taste-tested the jam, Felix began to whisk the melted chocolate, and you took this time to admire him. You stood at his side, allowing you to admire his side profile.

Felix was easily one of the most beautiful individuals you ever laid your eyes on. But his appearance wasn’t the only part you fell for — he was one of the few people whose inside beauty matched their outside beauty.

Felix was kind, funny, optimistic, and just about every positive adjective you could find in a dictionary. After every failed test, he was there with a cup of strawberry ice cream and a shoulder to cry on. When you landed your first job, he was there to celebrate with you even when your own family wasn’t. And when you and Minho mutually broke up, he was there to give you advice as you coped with the end of your first relationship.

How could you not fall for him?

And sometimes you had the feeling that he liked you back. The touches that would linger for just a few seconds too long, the soft smiles that Chan claimed he only ever gave to you, and his late-night texts all spurned a tiny hopeful fire in you that kept your crush alive.

No matter how many times you tried to get over him and convince yourself that your crush didn’t exist, the tiny voice in your head still spoke. “But what if he likes you back?”

Now, as Felix stood by your side with a soft smile on his face while he whisked the chocolate, that voice screamed louder than ever.

And just as you gained a sliver of courage, the same paralyzing thoughts that have held you back for the past few months returned.

Felix was out of your league in every way. He was social and easily commanded the attention of an entire room with so much as two words. His outward beauty matched his insides, and everyone on campus reached a collective agreement that if angels ever existed and walked among us — Lee Felix was certainly one of them.

And those things were only the tip of the iceberg that is Felix. He was talented, sensitive, supportive, passionate, and everything you could ever ask for and then some.

You then thought back to all the people he rejected - kindly, of course - and how you matched up to them. If Felix didn’t choose to go out with all those beautiful and talented people, what on Earth made you think you would choose you?

At this point, Felix picked up on your sudden silence and how your breaths grew heavy and uneven.

“Are you… alright?” he asked carefully, his own chest beating heavily.

You stared at him, panicked that he caught onto your apprehension. “Um…” you started, trailing off as you met his gaze.

Felix let go of the whisk and grabbed your hands. “You can say whatever you need to.”

“I uh,” you started after a few moments, internally battling yourself to gain courage as you realized that it’s now or never. “I kinda like you,” you admitted quietly, looking down at your intertwined hands anxiously. You waited for him to pull his hand away in disgust and start to kindly reject you like he did to all those other people, but it never came. After a few seconds, his hands still the entire time, you looked up at him with glassy eyes in confusion.

“What?” he finally said, his deep voice softer than ever.

You looked back down at your hands shamefully. “Do I really have to repeat it?” you asked weakly. “I like you, Felix. I have for the past few months and it’s been driving me insane because it feels like my heart’s about to stop dead whenever I see you and I can never think straight when you’re with me. Apparently, it’s been pretty obvious and I really tried my best to get over it so it wouldn’t hurt our friendship.

“Trust me, I really wanted to get over it but I couldn’t, and I know you don’t like me back so it’s ok. I can deal with it on my own and you can just leave a -”

“Y/N,” Felix said suddenly, his voice firm. You looked up, tears rolling down your face as you were sure that he was about to reject you.

“Felix please don’t interrupt me. At least let me finish what I have to say,” you pleaded softly, removing your hands from his.

“Y/N,” he repeated, his voice much gentler. He carefully wiped the tears from your face and took your hands into his again. “Can I say something before you finish?” he requested.

You choked back a sob as you nodded, certain that he was just going to let you down kindly.

“I like you too, Y/N,” he said shyly, a blush spreading across his freckled face.

Your entire body froze.

“I was too scared to admit it because I didn’t think you liked me back,” he continued, the words slowly registering in your mind. “To be honest, I thought you still liked Minho.”

You blushed at his words, thinking back to all the times you would pull Minho, your ex-boyfriend, to the side to talk about Felix these past few months. You didn’t realize how it must have looked to Felix or your other friends.

“I was also… afraid of ruining our friendship, so I’ve just kept it to myself the past two years.”

You gaped at him. “Two years?” you sputtered, causing him to laugh at the way your eyes widened comically. “That’s when we first started uni!”

He shrugged. “What can I say? I was instantly attracted to the way you fought Chan on why you should be allowed to keep the minifridge in your dorm,” he joked.

You blushed at the embarrassing memory, although it wasn’t completely regrettable as it was how you met most of your current friends — including Felix.

“I’m surprised,” you voiced simply. “I didn’t think you would ever like me back.” You breathed out, your muscles relaxing instantly.

Felix grinned again and he moved slowly to envelop you in his arms. He rested his hands on the small of your back and his head on the crook of your shoulder.

“Does this mean that I can take you out on a date?” he whispered.

“Will you promise to stop taking unflattering pictures of me and sending them to me in the middle of the night?” you asked, your head resting against his and arms around him.

He sighed. “Fine,” he answered reluctantly with a whine.

“Then sure,” you responded and pulled your head back to meet his eyes. His eyes shined from the sunlight pouring through the windows and his freckles glimmered like stars across a canvas. Felix was truly beautiful inside and out.

“You have some strawberry jam on your lip,” he said after a few silent moments where you both admired each other.

“Really?” you asked. Your hand moved from his back towards your face, but Felix caught your hand in midair and returned it to its original position.

“I’ll get it,” he murmured with a gentle smile before closing the distance between your lips.

You held your breath as he pressed his soft lips against yours. You instantly recognized the strawberry chapstick he uses and the taste of the shortbread cookies. He swiped his tongue against the corner of your lip, and the sudden sensation caused a shiver to run down your spine.

You brought your hand up to his hair and gently tugged at his dyed locks. Felix brought you closer to him and massaged your back as he deepened the kiss.

When you finally pulled away, your face was burning red and you were completely breathless. Felix was smiling giddily, his arms still around yours.

“I think there’s still some jam left,” he told you, not even giving you a second to respond before he pressed his lips against yours once again. This kiss was much more playful than the last as you giggled against each other in the kiss.

“Did you get it all?” you asked him, your voice reduced to a murmur as he continued kissing your lips.

He hummed, kissing you once and twice in between, before responding, “I don’t think so.”

You laughed against his lips. “Well, I guess you better get it all. I can’t have strawberries stuck on my lips all day.”

He laughed with you, and true to his words, he eventually did get all the strawberry jam off (an extra two hours and an uncountable amount of kisses later).

#lee felix #lee felix x reader #felix stray kids #lee felix fanfic #lee felix imagine #lee felix imagines #skz scenarios #skz #skz fanfic #skz x reader #skz x y/n #stray kids #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids felix #hyunjin #minho

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yamayuandadu · 3 years

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Circe by Madeline Miller: a review

As you might have noticed, a few of my most recent posts were more or less a liveblog of Madeline Miller’s novel Circe. However, as they hardly exhausted the subject, a proper review is also in order. You can find it under the “read more” button. All sorts of content warnings apply because this book takes a number of turns one in theory can expect from Greek mythology but which I’d hardly expect to come up in relation to Circe. I should note that this is my first contact with this author’s work. I am not familiar with Miller’s more famous, earlier novel Song of Achilles - I am not much of an Iliad aficionado, truth to be told. I read the poem itself when my literature class required it, but it left no strong impact on me, unlike, say, the Epic of Gilgamesh or, to stay within the theme of Greek mythology, Homeric Hymn to Demeter, works which I read at a similar point in my life on my own accord.

What motivated me to pick up this novel was the slim possibility that for once I’ll see my two favorite Greek gods in fiction, these being Hecate and Helios (in case you’re curious: #3 is Cybele but I suspect that unless some brave soul will attempt to adapt Nonnus’ Dionysiaca, she’ll forever be stuck with no popcultural presence outside Shin Megami Tensei). After all, it seemed reasonable to expect that Circe’s father will be involved considering their relationship, while rarely discussed in classical sources, seems remarkably close. Hesiod’s Catalogue of Women and Apollonius’ Argonautica describe Circe arriving on her island in her father’s solar chariot, while Ptolemy Hephaestion (as quoted by Photius) notes that Helios protected her home during the Gigantomachy. Helios, for all intents and purposes, seems like a decent dad (and, in Medea’s case, grandpa) in the source material even though his most notable children (and granddaughter) are pretty much all cackling sorcerers, not celebrated heroes. How does Miller’s Helios fare, compared to his mythical self? Not great, to put it lightly, as you’ll see later. As for Hecate… she’s not even in the book. Let me preface the core of the review by saying I don’t think reinterpreting myths, changing relations between figures, etc. is necessarily bad - ancient authors did it all the time, and modern adaptations will inevitably do so too, both to maintain internal coherence and perhaps to adjust the stories to a modern audience, much like ancient authors already did. I simply don’t think this book is successful at that. The purpose of the novel is ostensibly to elevate Circe above the status of a one-dimensional minor antagonist - but to accomplish this, the author mostly demonizes her family and a variety of other figures, so the net result is that there are more one dimensional female villains, not less. I expected the opposite, frankly. The initial section of the novel focuses on Circe’s relationship with her family, chiefly with her father. That’s largely uncharted territory in the source material - to my knowledge no ancient author seemed particularly interested in covering this period in her life. Blank pages of this sort are definitely worth filling. To begin with, Helios is characterized as abusive, neglectful and power-hungry. And also, for some reason, as Zeus’ main titan ally in the Titanomachy - a role which Hesiod attributes to Hecate… To be fair I do not think it’s Hesiod who serves as the primary inspiration here, as it’s hard to see any traces of his account - in which Zeus wins in no small part because he promises the lesser titans higher positions that they had under Cronus - in Miller’s version of events. Only Helios and Oceanus keep their share, and are presented as Zeus’ only titan allies (there’s a small plot hole as Selene appears in the novel and evidently still is the moon…) - contrary to just about any portrayal of the conflict, in which many titans actually side with Zeus and his siblings. Also, worth noting that in Hesiod’s version it’s not Oceanus himself who cements the pact with Zeus, it’s his daughter Styx - yes, -that- Styx. Missed opportunity to put more focus on female mythical figures - first of many in this work, despite many reviews praising it as “feminist.” Of course, it’s not all about Helios. We are quickly introduced to a variety of female characters as well (though, as I noted above, none of these traditionally connected to the Titanomachy despite it being a prominent aspect of the book’s background). They are all somewhat repetitive - to the point of being basically interchangeable. Circe’s mother is vain and cruel; so is Scylla. And Pasiphae. There’s no real indication of any hostility between Circe and any of her siblings in classical sources, as far as I am aware, but here it’s a central theme. The subplots pertaining to it bear an uncanny resemblance to these young adult novels in which the heroine, who is Not Like Other Girls, confronts the Chads and Stacies of the world, and I can’t shake off the feelings that it’s exactly what it is, though with superficial mythical flourish on top. I should note that Pasiphae gets a focus arc of sorts - which to my surprise somehow manages to be more sexist than the primary sources. A pretty famous tidbit repeated by many ancient authors is that Pasiphae cursed her husband Minos, regarded as unfaithful, to kill anyone else he’d have sex with with his… well, bodily fluids. Here she does it entirely because she’s a debased sadist and not because unfaithfulness is something one can be justifiably mad about. You’d think it would be easy to put a sympathetic spin on this. But the book manages to top that in the very same chapter - can’t have Pasiphae without the Minotaur (sadly - I think virtually everything else about Pasiphae and Minos is more fun than that myth but alas) so in a brand new twist on this myth we learn that actually the infamous affair wasn’t a curse placed on Pasiphae by Poseidon or Aphrodite because of some transgression committed by Minos. She’s just wretched like that by nature. I’m frankly speechless, especially taking into account the book often goes out of its way to present deities in the worst light possible otherwise, and which as I noted reviews praise for its feminist approach - I’m not exactly sure if treating Pasiphae worse than Greek and Roman authors did counts as that. I should note this is not the only instance of… weirdly enthusiastic references to carnal relations between gods and cattle in this book, as there’s also a weird offhand mention of Helios being the father of his own cows. This, as far as I can tell, is not present in any classical sources and truth to be told I am not a huge fan of this invention. I won’t try to think about the reason behind this addition to maintain my sanity. Pasiphae aside - the author expands on the vague backstory Circe has in classical texts which I’ve mentioned earlier. You’d expect that her island would be a gift from her father - after all many ancient sources state that he provided his children and grandchildren with extravagant gifts. However, since Helios bears little resemblance to his mythical self, Aeaea is instead a place of exile here, since Helios hates Circe and Zeus is afraid of witchcraft and demands such a solution (the same Zeus who, according to Hesiod, holds Hecate in high esteem and who appeared with her on coins reasonably commonly… but hey, licentia poetica, this idea isn’t necessarily bad in itself). Witchcraft is presented as an art exclusive to Helios’ children here - Hecate is nowhere to be found, it’s basically as if her every role in Greek mythology was surgically removed. A bit of a downer, especially since at least one text - I think Ovid’s Metarphoses? - Circe directly invokes Hecate during her confrontation with king Picus (Surprisingly absent here despite being a much more fitting antagonist for Circe than many of the characters presented as her adversaries in this novel…) Of course, we also learn about the origin of Circe’s signature spell according to ancient sources, changing people into animals. It actually takes the novel a longer while to get there, and the invented backstory boils down to Circe getting raped. Despite ancient Greek authors being rather keen on rape as plot device, to my knowledge this was never a part of any myth about Circe. Rather odd decision to put it lightly but I suppose at least there was no cattle involved this time, perhaps two times was enough for the author. Still, I can’t help but feel like much like many other ideas present in this book it seems a bit like the author’s intent is less elevating the Circe above the role of a one note witch antagonist, but rather punishing her for being that. The fact she keeps self loathing about her origin and about not being human doesn’t exactly help to shake off this feeling. This impression that the author isn’t really fond of Circe being a wacky witch only grows stronger when Odysseus enters the scene. There was already a bit of a problem before with Circe’s life revolving around love interests before - somewhat random ones at that (Dedalus during the Pasiphae arc and Hermes on and off - not sure what the inspiration for either of these was) - but it was less noticeable since it was ultimately in the background and the focus was the conflict between Circe and Helios, Pasiphae, etc. In the case of Odysseus it’s much more notable because these subplots cease to appear for a while. As a result of meeting him, Circe decides she wants to experience the joys of motherhood, which long story short eventually leads to the birth of Telegonus, who does exactly what he was famous for. The final arcs have a variety of truly baffling plot twists which didn’t really appeal to me, but which I suppose at least show a degree of creativity - better than just turning Helios’ attitude towards his children upside down for sure. Circe ends up consulting an oc character who I can only describe as “stingray Cthulhu.” His presence doesn’t really add much, and frankly it feels like yet another wasted opportunity to use Hecate, but I digress. Oh, also in another twist Athena is recast as the villain of the Odyssey. Eventually Circe gets to meet Odysseus’ family, for once interacts with another female character on positive terms (with Penelope, to be specific) and… gets together with Telemachus, which to be fair is something present in many ancient works but which feels weird here since there was a pretty long passage about Odysseus describing him as a child to Circe. I think I could live without it. Honestly having her get together with Penelope would feel considerably less weird, but there are no lesbians in the world of this novel. It would appear that the praise for Song of Achilles is connected to the portrayal of gay relationships in it. Can’t say that this applies to Circe - on this front we have an offhand mention of Hyacinth's death. which seems to serve no real purpose other than establishing otherwise irrelevant wind god is evil, and what feels like an advert for Song of Achilles courtesy of Odysseus, which takes less than one page. Eventually Circe opts to become mortal to live with Telemachus and denounces her father and… that’s it. This concludes the story of Circe. I don’t exactly think the original is the deepest or greatest character in classical literature, but I must admit I’d rather read about her wacky witch adventures than about Miller’s Circe. A few small notes I couldn’t fit elsewhere: something very minor that bothered me a lot but that to be honest I don’t think most readers will notice is the extremely chaotic approach to occasional references to the world outside Greece - Sumer is randomly mentioned… chronologically after Babylon and Assyria, and in relation to Persians (or rather - to Perses living among them). At the time we can speak of “Persians” Sumerian was a dead language at best understood by a few literati in the former great cities of Mesopotamia so this is about the same as if a novel about Mesopotamia mentioned Macedonians and then completely randomly Minoans at a chronologically later point. Miller additionally either confused or conflated Perses, son of Perseus, who was viewed positively and associated with Persia (so positively that Xerxes purportedly tried to use it for propaganda purposes!) with Perses the obscure brother of Circe et. al, who is a villain in an equally obscure myth casting Medea as the heroine, in which he rules over “Tauric Chersonese,” the Greek name of a part of Crimea. I am honestly uncertain why was he even there as he amounts to nothing in the book, and there are more prominent minor children of Helios who get no mention (like Aix or Phaeton) so it’s hard to argue it was for the sake of completion. Medea evidently doesn’t triumph over him offscreen which is his sole mythical purpose. Is there something I liked? Well, I’m pretty happy Selene only spoke twice, considering it’s in all due likeness all that spared her from the fate of receiving similarly “amazing” new characterization as her brother. As is, she was… okay. Overall I am definitely not a fan of the book. As for its purported ideological value? It certainly has a female main character. Said character sure does have many experiences which are associated with women. However, I can’t help but think that the novel isn’t exactly feminist - it certainly focuses on Circe, but does it really try to “rehabilitate” her? And is it really “rehabilitation” and feminist reinterpretation when almost every single female character in the book is the same, and arguably depicted with even less compassion than in the source material? It instead felt like the author’s goal is take away any joy and grandeur present in myths, and to deprive Circe of most of what actually makes her Circe. We don’t need to make myths joyless to make them fit for a new era. It’s okay for female characters to be wacky one off villains and there’s no need to punish them for it. A book which celebrates Circe for who she actually is in the Odyssey and in other Greek sources - an unapologetic and honestly pretty funny character - would feel much more feminist to me that a book where she is a wacky witch not because she feels like it but because she got raped, if you ask me.

Circe evidently having the time of her life, by Edmund Dulac (public domain)

#circe #madeline miller #greek mythology #madeline miller circe

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jaskiersvalley · 4 years

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Finding Jaskier

It was all a silly misunderstanding really. But Jaskier and Geralt had parted on a rather sour note for winter. Nothing major and, over the cold months, Jaskier realised that he was almost as wrong as Geralt and probably owed him an apology. Half an apology. Whatever. The point was, he left court early to travel down towards Kaer Morhen, confident he would bump into Geralt.

Geralt wasn’t the witcher he bumped into though. Instead, he found himself in a tavern with a fiercely scowling man who seemed to be demanding something from the innkeeper. This was something Jaskier could help handle and maybe even get news of Geralt’s wherebouts.

“What seems to be the problem, gentlemen?” he asked smoothly.

“This mutant is after a human. I’m not selling out no fellow to a freak.”

Which was just no way to talk about a witcher and Jaskier pulled himself to his full height. “I am sure this fine, upstanding young man has good reason to look for someone.”

“I’m old enough to be your grandfather, squirt,” the witcher growled and Jaskier graciously ignored him.

“Now, who were you looking for?”

“A bard.”

That had Jaskier perking up in delight. “Excellent, I can help you with that. I know a thing or two about bards. Now, tell me more so I can be of assistance. A name would be helpful.”

The witcher glared at him in distrust before biting out a “Lambert” which was odd. Jaskier didn’t know a bard going by the name Lambert and he said as much.

“The bard is something like Fred..uh...Pankhurst? Thought you wanted my name,” Lambert snarled.

“You’ll need to tell me more about this Fred Pankhurst, what does he look like? What songs does he sing?”

At that point, Lambert looked rather uncomfortable. He ended up dragging Jaskier to a table to discuss the matter.

“My idiot brother lost him before winter. We spent the last few months listening to that idiot pine. This Fred, he sings stupid songs but they’re actually very catchy. Has blue eyes. Wears bright clothes, most would call him a peacock but he’s more magpie.”

Not a very helpful description but Jaskier could try and work with it. A blue eyed bard with popular songs called Fred Pankhurst. He’d found more with less details.

“I shall help you, good sir witcher,” he promised, “Never let it be said that I-”

“Save it,” Lambert snapped. “I don’t care. Just find this damned bard.”

They travelled together, asking in taverns around the area for a week. Even more curiously, they picked up another witcher who called Lambert ‘Pup’ while Lambert only ever referred to the other as ‘Kitten’. Jaskier could smell the love in the air. And, on one occasion, something else too but he was too much of a gentleman to comment.

“Fuck it. We’ve found squat,” Lambert raged as he turned them back on their path. “We’ll meet up with the others to see if they had better luck.”

After a day’s ride, they were at the agreed meeting point, first ones there. Soon, they were joined by Eskel who looked surprised but also relieved.

“Glad you found him,” he said and Jaskier peered around. Before he could protest, his name was being called across the clearing as Geralt arrived.

Their reunion was cut short by Eskel’s guffaw.

“Julian Alfred Pankratz.” He was wheezing and Geralt had to turn to look at him. “Geralt. You’ll never believe this. Jaskier’s been helping Lambert and Aiden on their quest. They’ve been looking for a Fred Pankhurst.”

“Wait. What?” Jaskier was just as puzzled but could feel laughter bubbling up in his chest.

“Fuck you.” Lambert flipped them off even as Aiden reassuringly patted his back, grinning. “I still got you your bard. You owe me that Gwent card now.”

Geralt returned the fond hand gesture, holding Jaskier close with his other. “I owe you fuck all. Now piss off, I need to have loud makeup sex with my bard”

#geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #lambert #eskel #aiden #implied lambert/aiden #tldr: jaskier joins his own search party

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twinge-of-cosmicangst · 2 years

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Personal ranking of Evermore

I have insomnia so imma rank every Evermore song, this is probably not the best platform for this sort of thing but idk how to use reddit.

17. Gold rush Starting off pretty controversial, but I do like this song. Even though Evermore is not my favourite TS album (Folklore just clinches it) it is the only TS album where I actually like my least favourite song from the album, Evermore is undoubtably a consistently brilliant album.

16. It's time to go This song has some brilliant lyrics "When the words of a sister come back in whispers. That prove she was not in fact what she seemed. Not a twin from your dreams. She's a crook who was caught" astounding as always, yet I think this song having a different subject every verse weakens it a bit, and yet the song probably wouldn't work any other way so it's strength is it's weakness.

15. Closure This is a song I have mixed feelings about as I feel it had a lot of potential but it is messy. Of course I know it is meant to be messy and it in fact it makes thematical sense for it to be messy but that doesn't mean that I like the way it sounds.

14. Evermore Not a lot to say about this one it is good without being brilliant, its melancholy vibes with a slice of regret, certainly fit the theme of the album in its entirety, making it an appropriate title track.

13. Long story short This song has grown on me a lot since first listening, it certainly encapsulates Swift's career in some ways, it just doesn't captivate me like some of the other songs on this album.

12. Tis the damn season Objectively a very good song and its good to see Swift's story telling skills in action but it doesn't quite capture my imagination as much as the folklore trilogy.

11. No body, no crime This song is amazing when hearing it for the first time, and almost a unique listening experience. The verses and chorus flow together in a great way to tell a story. Its just doesn't quite hold up on the re-listens.

10. Tolerate it Although a completely different type of song to, no body, no crime, for me, tolerate it, suffers from the same problem, it is just not as amazing after a few times listening. Although it beats it on the list for its undoubtedly raw and heart breaking lyrics.

9. Coney island It's weird, because if I was trying to be completely objective, I would say that a lot of the songs above are better then Coney Island, but seen as I'm not being objective and this is just my opinion, Coney island ends up in my top 10 because I love it, I love how it sounds, I love how it makes me feel nostalgic for Coney island, despite never setting foot there, and how it makes me feel nostalgic for the mall before the internet, despite coming from a country where they are rather less romantically referred to as shopping centres and that I can barely remember a time before the internet as I was born in 98.

8. Dorothea It doesn't take a genius to work out that this is the male love interest perspective of, Tis the damn season, and although as I said before they suffer in comparison to the folklore trilogy, I do still appreciate this particular brand of storytelling in an album. Although I must admit sometimes I ignore the connection to, Tis the damn season, and instead like to imagine it is a song about female friendship, which is nice as there are not enough songs about that.

7. Happiness A beautiful, mature and reflective song, the fact that this isn't in my top 5, illustrates what an amazing album this is. Happiness, reminds me of the Fearless vault song, We were happy, another track which I am fond of.

6. Willow When I first heard this song, I of course liked it, but it was hardly one of the highlights of the album. But the more I listen to it the more I Iike it, and it has worked it's way up to number 6. It is subtle, yet brilliant, perfect for an opening track.

5. Ivy Pure poetry, nuff said, like seriously give this gal a man booker prize or some shit.

4. Cowboy like me at this point it is getting difficult to express my love for these songs so I'll let Gaga do this one for me.

3. Right where you left me Miss Havisham move out the way the girl from, Right where you left me, is the now the most iconic spurned woman who can't move on. Seriously what is Swift's obsession with making absolute bangers bonus tracks (No wonder the vault tracks are so amazing) Is it just me or is Taytay slightly leaning into her old country voice in this one, for no justifiable or thematical reason (not that I'm complaining, I love it!)

2. Marjorie It was so hard not to put this one at the top spot, one of Swift's most underrated songs of all time imo, and also just one of the best songs about grieving I've ever heard "Should've kept every grocery store receipt, because every scrap of you would be taken from me" like a punch in the face every time but beautiful.

1 Champagne problems Absolutely iconic, easily in my top 10 Taylor Swift songs of all time, it's hard to put into words why I love this song, because it really speaks for itself.

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 3 years

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Mesmerised: Mai x female reader - Imagine being a singer and capturing the attention of the stoic knife expert herself.

Mai’s POV

Mai had never liked singing.

Ever.

She found every singer hurt her ears or was just dreadfully dull. She was sure music was the most over-rated form of art....until she heard you sing.

Mai was truly perplexed and intrigued by her fondness for your singing, it was almost unantural the effect it had on her and Mai had no idea why it affected her so much. She had been walking home one day when your voice drifted out from a cafe. It had tugged at her and she found herself slowing down. She’d never heard a voice like yours. There was something so appealing about it, something so...emotion-provoking, Mai actually felt something stir in her. This had never happened to her and Mai was both surprised and alarmed at the sensation. She carried on walking and shrugged it off but you lingered on her mind. She wondered who sang like that and why she hadn’t heard that song before. It was comforting and beautiful but she knew she had never experienced anything like it before. Your voice played over and over again in her head until finally, Mai gave in. She walked back to the cafe at the same time the next day and ordered a drink. She noticed there was a stage so she took a seat with a good view and waited. As time ticked by she was ready to leave and abandon her fool's errand when you appeared. When she saw you she just knew you were that beautiful voice. Sure enough, when you started to sing the same sensation swept over her, she felt an odd array of emotions and was transfixed by every word. She finally got what people meant when they said music moved them and she liked it. But this new sensation only applied to your music specifically. She realised with an abrupt reminder as the next artist began to perform that she still hated all other music and so she sought yours out to pinpoint exactly what it was that she liked. She came back to the same cafe the next night and then the next and before long she had your schedule memorised. She also learnt the other places you sang at and went to them too. She was slowly becoming a stalker or groupie or something but she still hadn’t figured out what it was that transfixed her and so she came back night after night just to listen to you.

Your POV

You sang at an array of fire nation cafes but even with the hundreds of bars and cafes in the fire nation capital it was difficult to make ends meet. But you’d sought a creative career in a country that favoured efficiency and concrete solutions, what did you expect? You really were a dreamer. You’d noticed this girl had been in the main cafe you sang at every single night you’d been there. Maybe it was just a coincidence and she came here every night anyway but you noticed her in the crowd a lot and hoped she was here for you. She was so mysterious and impressive. She just looked cool and emanated power dressed from head to toe in long black clothes lined sparsely with red. She was very beautiful and you wondered more and more about her every day, what her story was, where she was from, what she did for a living, just everything and anything about her. One day you got your wish.

You stepped outside the bar after a successful gig and there was the girl. She was waiting on the corner yards away from you. She turned as you came outside and your breath caught in your throat. You looked at one another and she stared at you. Her eyes were concentrated and serious adding to her mysterious powerful persona. You blushed at her intense gaze and looked away. She darted her eyes away too but you noticed she kept glancing back over at you. She stepped towards you when suddenly a pink blur appeared. "Mai!" the pink girl cried and she wrapped her arms around her.

So her name was Mai?

You smiled, it suited her.

Mai’s POV

"I’ve missed you so much" Ty lee cried still hugging her and Mai let her having learned a long time ago the easiest thing to do was just let Ty lee hug you. "It’s only been a day since we last saw each other" Mai replied dryly."Well you’re so great i missed you even after that amount of time" Ty lee cried kissing Mai’s cheek. Mai rubbed at it annoyed, she didn’t want you getting the wrong idea and thinking Ty lee was her girlfriend. She looked back to see if you were watching and found your spot empty. You’d left. "Is everything okay?". Ty lee asked noticing Mai was staring and she nodded "yeah it’s fine, let's go" and they made their way home.

“We’re home!” Ty lee called as the door swung open and Suki appeared in the corridor “Mai! How was your visit to your family?”. “Boring” she shrugged before pausing “Tomtom is getting so big now” she smiled softly. Suki nodded “I bet! I thought your ship got in at 6?”. “It did, I swung by the lavender inn”. Suki frowned “again? You’ve been going there a lot" she commented and Mai shrugged "i like it there". "Why? It’s not that nice a place" Ty lee frowned and Mai paused "i...i like the staff". When Suki and Ty lee hesitated Mai rushed to cover her back "they serve me quickly, have my order memorised and leave me alone for hours, it’s bliss". Mai could hardly tell them she actually went to lots of different cafes and bars because of a girl and not just any girl but a singer! She knew they’d tease her endlessly for liking a girl so unlike herself and Mai had berated herself over that but she couldn’t help it. You were simply her guilty pleasure and she had no intention of letting you go.

1 day later

Mai showed up at your usual place the next day and took her regular seat. She was relaxed and ready to hear your music when another girl walked on stage instead. She introduced herself and began to sing. Mai frowned, where were you? She wondered if maybe this girl was the warm-up act but as time stretched on Mai wasn’t so sure. More than a little disappointed Mai discreetly made her way towards the exit. A door leading to the back room opened and Mai heard an argument within. She paused as she recognised your voice. Mai stood casually by the door and listened to what she could hear. You were arguing with someone and it appeared to be over your wages. "I can get more money if I bring in more singers!" a man said and Mai heard you sigh “I’ve had this spot for a year! You can’t just half it, I rely on tips, this will kill my takings”. “That’s not my problem” the man retorted “you either perform here for half the time or go find somewhere else, singers are easy to replace, there are hundreds of performers exactly like you”. You laughed “no there’s not but good look finding one! You can stuff your slot!” you cried and before Mai could react you stormed out from the door past her and exited the cafe. Mai paused and waited an appropriate amount of time before following you. She looked around and saw you’d walked away from the cafe a few feet before you sat on the pavement your head in your hands. Mai watched you, clearly upset, and wondered what she should do...despite her better judgement Mai approached you. "Hey" Mai said and you paused and looked up. "I saw you storm out of the cafe...are you okay?". You nodded your head, your eyes darting over her "i’m fine i just got fired...or quit? I don’t know" you shook your head and Mai frowned. "Well it’s their loss, you're the best performer here". You glanced at Mai curiously "i am?". Mai nodded "i’ve heard you sing quite a few times and nobody sounds like you or does your style...they’ll regret it". You smiled "i have seen you around before and the other night on the corner with your girlfriend!". Mai paused and cursed Ty lee. "That was me but Ty lee isn’t my girlfriend, i don’t have a girlfriend...at least not yet" Mai said and cringed at herself. She wanted you to know she was single and that she liked girls but she’d been so obvious! You chuckled slightly and Mai’s blush rose. "Good to know, your names Mai right?". Mai nodded her head. "My names y/n, it’s nice to finally meet you". Mai smiled "it is". Your eyes met and you looked away first blushing slightly which aided the recovery of Mai’s ego a little. "Can i ask you something?" Mai said fuelled by her burst of confidence. You nodded and she took a breath "so i hate singing, any form of music basically makes me sick to my stomach but i don’t hate yours, I don’t even dislike it!". You paused before smirking "thank you?". "No that didn’t come out right...what i meant was i like your music better than anyone else's and i’ve honestly never heard anyone sing the way you do, so my question is what's your inspiration? Why do you sing so differently?". You paused, that was a big question and you weren’t sure where to start. “Well I mean I’ve always liked to sing, music was my favourite lesson in school but I found there were too many restraints on it! Don’t move when you’re singing, don’t stray from the century-year-old anthems, don’t add any personality to it...” you sighed “I always found it so odd and cruel that we weren’t allowed to just express ourselves but nobody else seemed to, they all called me odd for wanting to sing in a different key or learn a different song. I didn’t fit in with the conventional music...so i quit music classes and practised music in my own way, I found a library book of old songs from before firelord Azulon’s era, apparently they were deemed too unconventional and weak for traditional fire nation custom but I loved them! The songs weren’t harsh or imposing, they were delicate but powerful, emotional but liberating! After I learnt all of those I decided to make more. I’ve developed hundreds of adaptations but the style stayed the same because it feels so free and creative, so un-fire nation. So long story short i guess my style is so different because i rebel against anything that fits with fire nation tradition. I know it’s sacrilegious" you grinned "but i sometimes feel so trapped by all our customs and rules...singing is my rebellion". Mai smiled and you blushed as silence settled "i bet that sounds so overdramatic". Mai shook her head "i know a little about rebelling against the fire nation, it makes sense. It makes me like you...i mean your music even more" Mai said going red. She heard you chuckle under your breath and cursed herself. You went to speak when a voice called out your name. You stood up and waved to the figure "my ride is here". Mai looked down the street where a girl was waiting for you and frowned. She’d embarrassed herself enough so why not push a little more? "Ow...your girlfriend?". You smiled at Mai’s not so subtle question and looked at her "no Loren is just a friend. I don’t have a girlfriend...at least not yet" you said mimicking her earlier response and Mai blushed. "Good to know" Mai said copying you and you smiled at her. "So i should go but it was really nice talking to you Mai, I’ll hopefully see you around?". Mai nodded "yeah I hope so too" and with a smile, you disappeared.

Mai was in excellent spirits when she got home. Not only had she talked to you but she’d flirted (well an attempt at flirting) and she was fairly sure you flirted back. However the best thing was you liked girls and currently didn’t have a girlfriend. Mai kept replaying the smirk on your face when you said “not yet” and was ashamed at the light blush it caused. Things couldn't have gone better and hopefully she’d see you again soon.

Man I love Mai!

She’s in my top 3 for Avatar characters but I find her quite hard to write for because half of her scenes revolve around Zuko so it’s hard to write for her alone when we’ve got so little Mai content!

But either way, this idea came to when I was listening to this classical Chinese song titled 芒种 by 音阙诗听 & 赵方婧 and it’s honestly the most beautiful song i’ve ever heard so I’d really recommend giving it a listen a https://youtu.be/8L2ds1XxrvA. I always have one song on repeat for every imagine I write but this song totally inspired this whole piece and this is how I imagine the reader sings.

Life story over, I hoped you enjoyed the soft cute Mai content!

#mai #mai x reader #mai imagine #atla mai #avatar mai #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender imagine #avatar the last airbender mai #ty lee #suki #fire nation #atla ty lee #atla suki #avatar ty lee #avatar suki #ozais angels

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victoria-daydreams · 4 years

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Of Vices and Virtues

AN: This story is being crossposted from my Fanfiction account. I figured I might as well post it up here, there’s not enough black!oc X-Men fanfictions to be honest. If anyone wants to be added to the taglist for this story let me know.

Summary: Claudia Walker created the perfect facade she had a simple life, a simple job. There was nothing remarkable about her. Until two men offer her the chance to do something with her powers to stop a war looming on the horizon. In a fight between good and evil, loyalties strain and relationships grow. The world's changing for better and worse, and Claudia is right in the middle of it.

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men just the OCs in the story.

Trigger warnings: none I can think of

Word Count: 4.3k

Chapter One: The Queen of Hearts

The music started up, with the sultry tango beats of "Whatever Lola Wants" by Sarah Vaughn. Her colorful voice lit like a spark in the air, and with it, the seductive lyrics of the song. The air seemed to crackle as I spun away from my dance partner, but a strong hand ripped me back into his grasp. With glittering eyes I pressed myself against him, his hand tenderly slipping over my back. We side-stepped as the singer continued to croon the audience with her hypnotic lyrics.

"Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets,"

"And silly man, Lola wants you," I sung to the man, who was completely entranced.

He stopped dancing to trace along my curvy figure slowly, extracting a long breath from my lips. He rejoined my hands smoothing his over my fingers. I crossed my left foot seductively in front of the right, while cocking my head mischievously to side. He smiled and placed his right hand dangerously low on my back. Before he could change direction again, I elevated my right foot, kicking it behind me, and situated behind his right leg, coquettishly hooking around his toned calf. I smirked, savoring the attention I was getting from my dance partner and the men who were watching me dance.

The man copied me by kicking his right leg between the middle of my two. He was daring, and he pressed my chest into his.

"I always get what I aim for. And your heart and soul is what I came for,"

The song finished up and I pulled away from him, creating space between us, "You may go now, I've had my fun," I instructed, trailing my index finger up over the man's tie.

He nodded and shuffled off of the dance floor. I made my way off of the dance floor, to order another drink. It was Saturday night, and the nightlife was at its height. I took my seat on the bar stool, signaling for the bartender to pour me another drink. I grabbed my clutch that was hiding underneath the chair and opened it, pulling out a compact mirror.

I looked at my reflection, my eyes were a brilliant almond shape, with dark brown irises that held knowledge and wisdom beyond my years. My lashes were long, dark, and thick. My lips were red with lipstick, but full and perfect. My wide nose curved in a delicate slope and I could clearly see my defined cheekbones. I combed my fingers through my hair making sure that every hair was in place and checking that my makeup hadn't smudged. I snapped my mirror shut and placed back it back into my purse, a sigh escaping me.

I had always known I was different since I was a child. I always felt out of place. I never blamed my parents for that. They loved me and they always did what they thought was the best for me. Well, at least what was good for them I suppose.

It was at the age of eighteen when I left my home, leaving my past in Pennsylvania far behind me. My memories from there were unpleasant, to say the least, and I needed to leave. To start a new life elsewhere, in central New York. Money was never a problem, I had a decent paying job as a psychologist's assistant at a private practice and a well furnished apartment. But I still found myself drinking away my sorrows. At this point in my life, I had to every reason to be happy, but I knew deep down I wasn't. There was always that loneliness, biting at my insides.

Someone cleared their throat next to my ear, something I wasn't all to fond of.

I glanced at them, raising an eyebrow, "Something I can do for you, stranger?" I asked, barely masking my annoyance.

He smiled, and I made a note to admire it. He was pretty handsome it, but he was overly cocky, I could tell by the way he made himself comfortable next to me, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the bar, and getting way too into my personal space. Not to mention he was easily in his mid-forties. I had just turned twenty-two

“Fucking creep, I thought.

"Michael, my name is Michael, Mike for short. You can help me by maybe letting me buy you a drink,"

I raised an eyebrow at this, he moved pretty fast. He must do this all the time to women he thought were drunk. Too bad for him, it took me more than a couple of drinks to have lost my common sense. Pushing my shoulder length, curled black hair out of my face. I faced him to reply as two other men approached, I didn't want any trouble, but the audacity of the man made my blood boil.

"And what do you expect in return for this drink?"

He smiled and leaned in closer to me, placing a hand on my thigh.

"The bastard thought he was in, didn't he?" I thought.

"Well, maybe just a friend," he smirked.

I rolled my eyes and smiled lightly at him, leaning in until our lips barely touched.

"With you? I'd rather watch the grass grow," I replied dryly, eying him up and down, as if he was something I'd find on the bottom of my shoe. "My mama didn't raise me to accept drinks from men I barely know, and my daddy taught me how to break a hand in seven different places, so remove it or I'll do it for you, Mike," I punctuated my sentence by grasping his middle finger in my fist and slowly bending it back, until I heard the pop that let me knew I dislocated it. "Next time I'll break it," I threatened.

"You bitch-" He began, but was interrupted mid-word by me.

"Run along, before I make you gouge out your eyes with a butter knife," I commanded boredly, putting effort into making my words go through the older man's head. The man walked away dutifully and I smirked. "There's a good boy," I cooed, turning away from him and took a sip of my vodka martini.

I heard a chuckle of laughter behind me, causing me to turn around again and examine the new arrivals behind me. The two men who I saw previously were now directly behind me, they appeared to be in their early thirties or late twenties. Despite being slightly tipsy, I couldn't help but gape a little when I properly looked at the two men.

The taller of the two had his thick and muscled arms crossing themselves in front of his broad chest. Clad in a short navy trench coat over a pair of long, black pants and a black turtleneck, his perfectly slicked back hair was the ultimate factor that completed the dangerous, rugged look he was probably going for. He looked like a mafia member, or something.

His icy blue eyes were fixed onto my wandering brown eyes unflinchingly, as a dark brow rose to mock me, to tell me that he had seen me appraising his impressive form. I raised my eyebrow and smirked saucily before I turned my gaze away from the taller man and shifted it to the other one, now standing in front of me.

Unlike Mr. Mafia Man and his dark attire, this man was significantly more professional looking. With his sharp pressed grey blazer jacket, a white button up shirt worn inside, the matching dark grey pants and his polished shoes, this guy pretty much screamed 'successful businessman'. He, along with the other man had sharp masculine features – sharp nose, strong, angular jaw line, and the clearest blue eyes I have ever seen. His eyes were so blue they resembled crystals, and were framed by his dark brows. His short, dark hair was tousled casually.

"Your quite clever," the shorter man complimented, with a thick British accent.

"So I've been told, but I've done nothing tonight that would warrant such a compliment," I replied, looking at the man as I lifted my glass to my lips, taking another sip of my martini.

"I think you have, actually. The song, 'Whatever Lola Wants', it fits you," the man remarked.

I raised an eyebrow in confusion, although I had an inkling to know where this was going, "How so?" I asked curiously, tilting my head slightly.

"Has anyone told you that you have an excellent mutation?" the shorter man asked abruptly, a small smile on his face.

"Mutation? You call every woman you meet a mutant?" I snorted, widening my eyes and let out a chuckle that matched my expression, disbelief. "Wow! This must be the night, where the worst pick-up lines are thrown at me," I drawled, before taking another sip of my drink. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am just me. I am normal," I laughed, and the taller man just huffed annoyed.

The shorter man smiled at me, then I noticed that his fingers were pressed onto his temple and he was still looking at me. I frowned at the slight nudge in my head. It didn't hurt, but it was very irritating. I focused on strengthening my shield against the nudges. I felt the nudge grow stronger, it was attacking my shield before it finally gave up and left.

The man looked mildly surprised and my mouth turned into a small frown. I really didn't know why he was surprised. Unless.

Mutant.

I glared angrily at him, "I don't know who the hell you are, but stay out of my head!" I snarled. "You have no right!"

I always thought I was alone, that quickly changed only a couple years ago, but ever since that encounter...well I'm uneasy around other mutants, my own mutation was something I kept to myself, only select people in my family knew about it even.

He put his hands up in surrender, "You're right, my apologies. But how? No one has ever been able to feel me before. Are you a telepath?" he asked, studying me with curiosity shining through his eyes.

"No, I'm just highly aware of myself and those around me," I answered with a slight growl, slamming my glass down on the counter nearly breaking it. "You have your tricks, I have mine," I added, glaring at him.

"My name is Charles Xavier," the man introduced in an irritatingly friendly tone. "And this," he said, gesturing to the other man, "Is Erik Lehnsherr. We're like you. We're different. And we need your help. We are-"

"Is there a private place where we could talk?" Erik interjected hastily in a strong German accent, looking mad and broody, as he looked from one side to the next.

I didn't particularly want to know what, if anything at all, they were to offer. I sat there in silent for a few seconds, first looking at Charles, then at Erik, then back at Charles. If this was a game, it certainly wasn't funny in the least.

"Why should I even try to talk to you two? The first thing Mr. Xavier says to me is that I have a mutation and then he follows that up by trying to intrude my thoughts," I argued. "It has been a long and trying night gentlemen, and I'm over it. So, I'm going to try and scavenge what little fun I can find," I concluded, flashing them a faux smile just as a saxophone moaned through the opening of "I Put a Spell on You" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins.

"What do you know, my favorite song," I added grinning, and shook my head beginning to walk away from the two men, only to be stopped by Erik gripping my arm tightly. I leveled him with an icy stare, "Let go of me right now, or I will make you feel pain that you thought was unimaginable," my voice low and threatening.

"Erik..." Charles called warningly.

Erik loosened his grip, freeing my arm slightly, but he made it clear I wasn't going anywhere, "We know you know exactly what you are, and we know what you're capable of. Stop playing coy with us," Erik stated coldly.

"Two strange white men walk into a bar, approach a black woman and accuses her of being a mutant. Forgive me, but you expect me not to find that a bit suspicious," I sassed, before yanking my arm completely out of his grip. I spotted a booth occupied by two men and I walked towards the two men, I gently grasped their chins and looked them in the eyes. "Due to your undying love for me, you two are going to give up your seats," I demanded, manipulating their desires so they reflected my own wishes.

"Of course," one man said eagerly, sliding out of his seat.

"Your wish is my command," the other man stated, getting out of his seat as well.

"Hmm, I know," I smiled, lightly laughing. "Now leave me be," I commanded, shooing them away and the two men nodded their heads and kissed the back of my hands before their departure.

I looked over to Erik and Charles, to see Erik roll his eyes in annoyance and huff before he whispered something to Charles, whose expression was unreadable. Charles and Erik sat in the seat across from me, Erik sat a stiff as a board while Charles seemed relaxed.

I interlocked my fingers together, "Ah, now that is how a gentlemen should behave. I think you should learn from them, Mr. Lehnsherr," I suggested my lips curving into a smirk.

Erik scowled at me, "You never told us your name," he remarked irritated.

"You never asked, Mr. Lehnsherr. Maybe if Mr. Xavier, greeted me properly, you would know," I countered, looking between the two men. "Although, something tells me that you two already know," I added, arching my brow and leaning forward.

"Miss...Claudia Walker, am I right?" Charles asked.

I quickly glanced at Erik and it seemed like he had one eye concentrated on me whilst the other was focused at the crowd in the club.

I focused back on Charles, "You would be correct," I replied, lapsing back into an easy lean. "How exactly did you two find me?" I asked curiously.

"Well, I was in Cerebro-" Charles began.

"Cerebro?" I interjected, scrunching my eyebrows together in confusion.

"It's a machine that helps me locate people like us," Charles explained, he was way too excited to answer my question. He was almost bubbling with excitement. "I was surprised to find you. Your signature was so strong, powerful, which intrigued me. I quickly got your coordinates and here we are," Charles finished happily.

"You certainly didn't make it easy," Erik mentioned, in a slight annoyed tone.

"Hardly, you two are here now aren't you?" I questioned, my tone was playful and I could tell that it was grating Erik's nerves.

"Really? So my eyes weren't playing tricks on me yesterday?" he questioned, as he leaned forward slightly.

"Depends on what you saw," I quipped, a small smile beginning to show.

"I saw you start that brawl. The way your hand curled and your eyes narrowed, you made that skinny man kick the fat, bald one in his groin," Erik remarked, his own mouth curving as he smirked. "You nearly got us entangled in that predicament," he added, looking at me with his piercing eyes.

Not looking away I smiled dangerously, "Yeah that was me," I admitted with a shrug. "I had an inkling that was someone was following me yesterday, I just didn't know it was you two. Whoops," I commented, my voice dripping with sarcasm and shrugged my shoulders again.

"Well, speaking of powers, you know my power. And we would very much like to know all about yours, Miss Walker," Charles started.

"Please, call me Claudia," I started. "I'll demonstrate my powers, but Mr. Grumpy over there has to show me his first," I proposed, flicking my chin out, motioning towards Erik.

Erik's eyes met were now fully focused on me again and I returned his stare.

Charles smiled and leaned forward, his elbows on the table, "Erik has the ability to manipulate metal,"

I narrowed my eyes at Erik and he glared at me in return. He would be very powerful, even with the tiniest bit of metal he would be able to kill someone with the flick of his hand.

"What's that old phrase again?" I asked aloud, tilting my head up as if I was pondering the question. "Oh, that's right. Seeing is believing," I finished, looking back at Erik, raising my eyebrow in challenge.

Erik raised his eyebrows as well, before focusing his eyes on the cutlery in front of him. Nothing happened for a while before they started shaking and eventually they lifted off the table. My eyebrows raised as I stared at the floating knives and forks.

"Do you believe now?" Erik asked, and I could see a ghost of a smirk.

"Well, I'll be damned," I gasped smirking, as I watched the utensils gracefully land back on the table.

"There you go," Erik said. "We showed you ours, now show us yours,"

I sat up in my seat and reached a hand across the table and turned it palm up, "Mr. Xavier, would you be so kind to give me your hand?" I asked.

"Call me Charles, please," Charles replied, sliding his own hand into mine without a moment's hesitation, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Erik grimace.

"You’re too trusting by half, Charles," Erik commented, shaking his head.

I closed my fingers gently around Charles', and slowly a broad, blissful smile stretched across his face as I channeled sensations of contentment into him.

"An empath," he breathed. "My, that's...mmm, that's lovely," Charles laughed, I smirked as I slid my hand back across the table, and Charles took a moment to compose himself.

"Want to see something else?" I asked grinning.

"Yes, please!" Charles exclaimed, grinning back excitedly.

I focused my gaze on one of the knives on table, and narrowed my eyes in concentration. A purple aura surrounded the knife as it raised itself off of the table and floated in mid-air and I maneuvered it to have the blade facing Erik as Charles watched, fascinated at the display I was putting on.

"Remarkable," Charles breathed.

"You’re telekinetic," Erik stated boredly, snatching the knife out of the air by the handle.

"I am," I replied, looking at Erik. "Now, you two are going to tell me why I've been performing tricks like I'm in some circus show," I demanded, glancing between the two men in front of me.

Charles laughed, "You have amazing gifts, a mutation, an ability. Erik and I are recruiting people to help us and in the process you get to learn how to control your powers,"

"Recruiting?" I asked confused, looking at them suspiciously. "For what?"

"That is what we're here to talk to you about," Charles said, sensing the sudden guarded tone in my voice. His eyes held mine in an intense stare. "A war is upon us, Claudia,"

"Yes, I know. The one between the Soviets and America, everyone knows that," I stated, now leaning back into my seat. My mind was reeling at where the conversation was going. Charles nodded firmly. "But what has that got to do with mutants? Or me, more specifically?"

"One of the agents at the CIA discovered a plot, the spark that lit the fire for the nuclear war," This time, it was Erik that had spoken. His soft yet gruff voice flooded into my ears with its tough resonance. "She had gone undercover to see one of the American Colonel's getting pressured into installing missiles into Turkey. That was the first step to angering the Soviets, and they are planning to retaliate. From what she had described, it had been a mutant who was threatening the Colonel,"

"A mutant?" I questioned. "But why?"

"We have no idea as of yet," Charles offered, leaning back into his seat as well.

It was obvious to me that Charles was troubled by the fact that a fellow mutant would want to start a war between two powerful nations.

"Well, do you know who the mastermind is behind all of this?" I asked again, raising an eyebrow.

"Sebastian Shaw," Erik spat, the venom clear in his words. A frown was etched deep into his forehead and his eyes were glaring at the coffee table, as though willing it to break under the hatred burning in his cold blue orbs.

By the way I could sense the hatred coming from Erik's emotions, he was an enemy. A big one.

"So that's why you're recruiting people? Like me?" I asked.

"We're planning to stop Shaw before he could escalate this conflict any further. He has got his own army of mutants to help him," Charles replied. "We need ours," Charles finished.

I ran my hand down my face, closing my eyes and breathed out deeply. This was not how I planned my night going, these two men walk up to me, telling me how they are like me and need my help to prevent World War III. This was a lot for me to take in, in such a short period of time. I mentally made two lists, negative and positive. Positive points: Learn to hone my powers, meet other people like me and this was probably the only chance for me to fit in and have something. Negative points: This could be a trap and if it wasn't a trap my powers could probably kill someone else.

"Give this a chance," Charles' voice urged gently, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I opened my eyes and staring at the two men, Charles and Erik staring back at me. Charles looked at me patiently and Erik looked like as though he had just proven something to Charles.

I pushed a strand of hair behind my ear and took a deep breath, "While this sounds very dire and adventurous, I can't," I answered shaking my head. "Why should I come? I have a perfectly good life right now, with a decent paying job. I don't want to be involved in any war,"

"What?" Erik started, raising an eyebrow. "You don't just charm your way out of everything?" Erik asked mockingly.

I looked at Erik pointedly and glared, "No, actually. Having everything handed to you, makes life quite boring," I retorted.

"We've already spoken to your boss about it," Charles chimed in. "He's willing to grant you an indefinite period of leave from work. Or at least until the whole thing is over," he explained.

"He agreed?" I balked, thinking back to the measly, overweight doctor who had many a times refused to grant me my annual break, unless I used my powers on him.

Charles smiled, "The words 'government' and 'CIA' can be very convincing in situations such as these,"

"He must think me to be some criminal or spy now," I muttered more to myself, before scowling up at the two when I realized what they had done. "You guys move fast. What if I didn't want to join your little team?"

"You'll get your job back," Charles shrugged his shoulders. "Your boss wouldn't even remember meeting anyone by the names of Charles Xavier or Erik Lehnsherr," He tapped his fingers against his temple with a proud smile.

"How convenient, but even if I agree to join you, my life will never be the same. I will be ostracized even more than I already am," I reasoned.

"You don't think the public will accept you?" Charles questioned.

"Charles, please tell me that you’re not this naive?" I asked back. "I don't know how you folks do it across the sea. But Charles, look at me, I am a black woman in America, I'm barely accepted now and I live in the northern part of America. Why would they accept me? Black people are being murdered for the color of their skin since this country was founded. People in the past have been killed for being different. Just look what happened with the Jews and Hitler," I pointed out.

I could feel Erik's mind radiating with anger. I frowned and when I looked up and saw Erik's face. He looked like he stuck in between an inner battle with himself.

"I think humans will accept us sooner or later," Charles stated optimistically.

"Perhaps, that remains to be seen. They don't even accept humans with a different skin color," I countered. Momentarily, a silence fell over us before I spoke up and broke it. "Just to be clear, this isn't some sort of a trap? You two aren't trying to experiment on me?" I asked in a serious tone. "And the CIA and African-Americans do not have the best history, so promise me that they won't try to assassinate me and label me as some black radical," I added.

Charles looked slightly amused, but shook his head, "No, we won't hurt you and the CIA won't hurt you, I promise," Charles reassured, and I nodded then stood up.

I was probably going to regret this.

"I'll...help you guys," I began.

"Thank you, Claudia," Charles interjected gently.

"But, let's be clear that doesn't mean I trust you. We've only just met," I explained, glancing at the two of them.

"Completely understandable, Claudia," Charles replied, nodding his head.

"One more condition, if you want my help," I stated, and Erik scoffed and I glared at him.

"This should be interesting," Erik drawled.

I looked back at Charles, "You have to promise me, if I occasionally let my mental shield down, you will not look inside my mind," I demanded.

Charles looked quite stunned, "Of course. But can I ask, how can you block me out? You're not a telepath,"

My gaze hardened again, "I once knew someone who was,"

Chapter Two: Division X

#x-men fanfiction #black fanfiction #x-men fanfic #charles xavier fanfiction #charles xavier x oc #black!oc #magneto x oc #charles xavier #erik lehnsherr fanfiction #erik lehnsherr x oc #erik lehnsherr x reader #charles xavier x reader #black!reader #x men fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic

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freckledmountain · 3 years

Text

Lulling comfort

By @freckledmountain for @romeoandjulietyouwish

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Summary:

"Music had gotten an entirely new meaning after that, from Disney songs to musicals to classic rock, and everything else in between. … He´d do anything to listen to Peter sing to them again."

Or, an AU where you hear whatever your platonic soulmate sings or hums! :D

For the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1: Change

Some-

BODY ONCE TOLD ME

the WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME

I AIN´T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE sHE-ED

Peter´s endearing screech and dramatics at the starting notes startles a fond laugh out of Tony, making DUM-E beep in curious surprise.

The bot has a screwdriver in his grasp and usually Tony´d chastise him for grabbing tools without permission (he has not forgotten the last lab incident, thank you) but right now he´s much too preoccupied resisting the urge to join in the kid´s slumber party via his own singing.

God bless karaoke.

Peter had looked sheepish when he´d mentioned it to him, the little get-together his scary girlfriend and Ned had planned this weekend at the latter´s place after a ridiculously long week of exams. Tony had absolutely no problem listening to his kid´s voice in his head, but it was still sweet of Peter to ask beforehand.

“You know I work best with music anyway.” He´d said, remembering all the times he´d listened to Peter perform dramatically to songs on the radio.

Peter´d hunched his shoulders a bit, smiling. “Yeah, okay, okay, I just wanted to make sure because Ned might ask me to duet to Take on me again, and last time I sang it you were on a meeting and FRIDAY sent me that video of you mouthing the words and Ms. Potts looked like the disappointed dad from that Shawn Mendes vine- “

…even if he had no idea what the kid was talking about sometimes.

He´d gasped and placed a hand to his chest, feigning offence. “Have you forgotten the time you had Call me maybe on loopin my head for an entire day?”

“…It was a dare?”

“Hmm” he´d said, raising an eyebrow playfully as Peter dissolved into laughter. “whatever you say, bud.”

His smile softens unconsciously at the memory as he methodically tweaks a few things in his nanotech suit, still listening to Peter belt out lyrics in his head. Truth be told, he misses the kid working alongside him like usual, but he knows how important spending time with his friends is to Peter.

(The parenting books say it´s imperative too, although of course he hasn´t ever read, purchased five on a whim or fret over anything of the sort. Obviously.)

He hopes Ned and Michelle´s respective other halves don´t mind the kids crooning 80´s rock on a Friday evening, but he guesses if they´re anything like them, they probably won´t complain. Soulmates are cool like that.

He remembers all the times Rhodey had told him about his soulmate´s voice inside his own head, how he´d suddenly perk up and grin at whatever melody he could hear, how he´d start humming randomly to join in.

Tony had grown up hearing nothing but his own treacherous thoughts for the longest time, almost losing hope completely at the possibility of having a soulmate right up until adulthood. Heavy metal music blasted over his speakers constantly whenever he was busy in his workshop, but he never joined in. There were moments when he´d thought his love for singing would be soured forever, since apparently the universe or whoever was in charge didn´t have a problem leaving him without someone out there to share it with him in his head.

Thankfully, he always did have Rhodey, and boycould he kick-start the fun in singing again with his flawless Mariah Carey impressions. He´d loved the few times he´d heard Pepper sing too, and there´d even been one memorable instance where he´d surprised Happy vocalizing in an unexpectedly pleasant lilt.

Hearing Peter sing though...simply put, there was nothing else like it.

-and we could aLL use a little changeeeeeeeEEE

…Yes, nothing was quite like it.

Tony shakes his head, smiling, and grabs his phone to text May about the kid´s shenanigans. She´d been more than a little concerned when Peter and him had figured out who the other was, (that was one heck of a superhero fundraiser) but now they´ve become much closer, and Tony can genuinely say they´re friends. He´s glad to have her on his side, because May Parker is, in Peter terms, a very kind powerhouse, and not someone he´d like to mess with.

He´s about to press send when the lights in the room flash red.

Tony´s up and summoning his gauntlet attentively in a second, right as FRIDAY pulls up screens around him, showing footage of the emergency.

“What am I looking at, FRI?”

“Around 30 heavily armed machines have emerged in Midtown Manhattan, boss.” She responds, as the room fills with projections. The robots on screen are huge and ugly as heck, about the width and height of three school buses together. They´re making their way through the streets surprisingly quickly for how heavy they look. People run away, steering clear of their illuminated blasts. “They appear to be releasing high frequency blasts approximately every ten seconds. Local police have just arrived at the scene and are requesting backup, since the blasts are causing structural damage to the surrounding buildings. The source of these machines is unknown.”

“Tell the team to suit up and meet me there.”

“They have already been alerted, boss, but I´ll relay your message as well.”

The rest of his suit materializes around him, and he makes haste to get to the nearest window, half worried and half downright annoyed at whoever was behind this.

“Another one for the robot bingo card on means of world domination.” He says to himself, unimpressed. Just one week without this crap…

He soars above the sky nonetheless, blasting his way towards the fight.

Please stay put kid, he wishes, even as the singing stops.

---

Three blocks.

He´s three blocks away from where Peter is making his way back when it happens.

As big and fast as the robots are, Tony can tell they weren´t exactly made by the finest of the loons who regularly try to take over New York. Not to mention they´re absolutely appalling to look at, whoever designed these things had absolutely no taste, Tony thinks, crushing his twenty-second bot with the suit´s repulsors. It hasn´t exactly been easy, since the wretched machines have no real apparent motive but to blow up everything in their path, but within an hour it seems they´re done with the worst of it.

He can see Nat and Wanda dealing with the remains of one of the last ones below, while a little way away Cap´s talking with a few cops, scoping out the damage. Even though the air is permeated with smoke and there´s rubble in some places, there are no casualties, and they´ve thankfully emptied out the buildings that got wrecked. SHIELD will take care of the rest.

He flies over the skyscrapers, keeping an eye out for any other bots, but it seems like FRIDAY´s finished identifying all of them. He activates a private line on the comms to talk to Peter.

“Done securing the area from whatever that disastrous colour scheme was?”

He can hear Peter´s good-natured groan as his location pops up on Tony´s screen, six blocks away.

“I know, right? I can wear mismatched socks for a week and rock them no problem, but blue with like, eye-melting neon? Yikes.”

“Exactamundo. Couldn´t agree with you more, kid. But hey, it looks like you might actually be able to get back to your sleepover after all. Can´t wait to hear what alarming chorus is going to keep me up until midnight.”

“Oh you just wait, we´re doing ABBA next and it´s gonna be so-“

FRIDAY tears through the conversation with an alarm, but it´s precious seconds too late.

A gasp. An abrupt thud resounding through the comms. A scream. Peter´s.

Tony´s blood freezes in his veins.

“Peter? Peter!?”

He gets there in less than a minute and sees one of the bots with its blaster pointed at Peter, still smoking from the shot.

He obliterates it without a second thought, his mind swirling with fear and rejection at FRIDAY´s next words as he runs towards Spiderman´s crumbled figure.

“No heartbeat detected, boss”.

Chapter 2

The first time he´d ever heard Peter´s voice, he´d been running on three hours of sleep, a frankly heart-attack inducing dose of caffeine, and no motivation whatsoever to sit down with stuffy board members for five hours.

It didn´t exactly come as a surprise that for the first few milliseconds of the “Itsy bitsy spider” chant in his head he´d thought, confusingly, that it might just have been his mind finally resorting to the resurface of old nursery rhymes as a way to tell him to go the frick to sleep.

His heart however, was another matter.

As ridiculous and improbable as it sounded, a new something in his chest rose even before he knew what was happening. He might not have been a machine, but something slowly and irrevocably clicked into place the more he heard that gentle voice go on about water spouts and suns.

He´d stopped short in realization. Blinked.

And then smiled wide enough to lose himself in the mirth of it.

He´d run back to his workshop right after that, laughing like mad with the absolute mayhem of emotions coursing through his whole being, almost crashing into Pepper in the process. She´d looked back at him in concern, questions already forming in her lips, before Tony had frantically mimed at her to keep quiet, wanting to listen to the soft voice´s final notes.

Once the song finished, Tony may or may not have let out a loud shriek of sheer joy and told an increasingly delighted Pepper all about it, practically bursting with excitement.

“Pep! Wait, what do I do now!? Do I- Do I sing it back to him? Do I sing another- crap I don´t even know any children´s songs, JARVIS, JARVIS!”

In the end he´d had to phone Rhodey to yell the news ecstatically to him, because he´d just found maybe the universe hadn´t wanted to screw him over after all, and he felt like screaming it from the rooftops. The little voice was sweet and shy and boyish and happy, and about the best thing Tony had heard in his damn life. He couldn´t have contained himself if he´d tried, and heck if he was going to any time soon.

(“Tones, what- “

“Rhodey!”

“…was that you or a screech owl.”

“It happened! There´s- a little kid! Somewhere! Spiders! My soulmate!”

“The- wait what-? “)

Music had gotten an entirely new meaning after that, from Disney songs to musicals to classic rock, and everything else in between.

…

He´d do anything to listen to Peter sing to them again.

Burning.

He´s burning all over.

Screaming in pain, he tries to escape from the scorching heat, but it´s everywhere, it´s everything, he´s the pain, he´s the fire, everything hurts-

And then as soon as it appears, the pain is gone.

He opens his eyes, blinking woozily.

“Oh, thank God.”

His vision blurs all over for a minute. There´s dampness in the corners, left over from tears.

Tears?

He makes an attempt to sit up, but there´s a hand holding his shoulder gently. He blinks again.

Tries to decipher his surroundings.

He´s laying down in a mostly deserted, grubby looking street. A figure kneels close to him, some sort of red and gold robot type thing. He narrows his eyes at it, trying to figure out why it feels so familiar…but finds, to a detached kind of surprise, that he can´t.

He has no idea what happened.

The robot seems to be very relieved for some reason, just staring up at the sky for a couple of seconds, taking a deep, wheezy breath.

Even with his head feeling like wet cotton, he looks at him with concern. The robot sounds seconds away from fainting. Is he…alright?

When the robot´s face opens and a man´s head peeps out (cool!), he almost jumps back in surprise.

And then…

Well. He still doesn´t have a clue who this person is, but as soon as he sees the man´s expression of utter joy and relief, something inside him settles. Safe.

He blinks in confusion at the feeling. He knows this person. He does.

But who is he?

“Pete? You´re back bud. Do you feel okay?” The man´s (man? robot? man-robot? cyborg? figment of his imagination?) smile fades slightly, looking at him in worry. “FRIDAY” Friday? Who on earth is he talking to? “didn´t you say the CPR made his vitals-“

“I´m- I´m fine” he says, because enormous confusion aside, he is. Maybe his head is scrambled, and he feels exhausted, but he has a feeling he´s been in worse shape before.

A feeling.

The man (he´s decided on man) starts going on about robots, and getting him to a tower with someone called Dr. Cho, but all he can do is blink back, his confusion increasing.

“I´m really sorry” he interrupts, knowing he´s probably going to disappoint the man, but needing to push forward even so, “who- who are you? Are you-? “

He tries to put a word on the feeling seeing the man´s face had evoked in him before, tries to remember who he is or what he has to do with the man or why he feels so…safe. So safe. With him there, even with all the questions going round and round inside his head.

“Are you my dad?”

The man´s face stills. For a second, it looks like his brain short-circuits.

Mood, a thought rings out in his head, unbidden.

That´s when he hears it.

A huge metallic…thing coming through the street towards them, and he doesn´t know why but it makes his heart thump like a rabbit´s in a cage, and suddenly he gets a flash of remembering pain, and he knows these machines, these machines are dangerous, and what if the man gets hurt too-

He pushes the man behind him as he desperately tries to look for somewhere they can hide-

-but the man grabs his hand first and hurries them both towards the sturdiest-looking car on the street, crouching so they´re out of sight.

“Uh, alright. I- this must be really weird for you, but it´ll be okay. Just stay here for now, ´kay? I´ll- We´ll figure this out. You with me?” The man holds his gaze for a second, and it´s so sincere, he finds himself nodding.

The man smiles. “Okay. Give me a sec.” And then he gets up and turns towards the robot.

What the-what´s he doing!?

He reaches out clumsily to drag him back, but the man´s face gets obscured by his robot mask once more and he…

Flies?

The frick? He thinks in bewilderment, as he sees the man lift off and attack the robot with blasts coming from his hands. My maybe-dad can fly!?

Either he lives in a sci-fi novel, or he´s going absolutely nuts.

Could be both at this point, frankly.

The whiz of gold and red fighting the robot is almost quicker than his sight can keep up with, but he persists, looking out anxiously for any opening the robot might have to take the man down so he can try to warn him about it. There is none though, the robot might be exceedingly fast, but the man remains unyielding. He takes another look at the giant machine and sees it´s blaster-

And then it´s like someone takes his brain and shakes it around everywhere, and the throbbing is so sudden he kneels and clutches his head tightly to keep it from falling apart. His thoughts feel shattered and tampered with, and the pain-

He cries out in agony, and tears fill his eyes again.

The man! I have to look out for him!

He tries to listen to the fight again, but just as he tries to focus in on it it´s like a tsunami of yells and police sirens and voices washes over him, and noise, why is there so much noise-

Overwhelmed, he kneels until his forehead touches the grainy concrete, and wishes he would just pass out.

He doesn´t, though.

Among the oversaturated ocean of noise, one adds to the mix.

Except this one isn´t grating. This one doesn´t make everything seem like too much.

Because it feels like it´s coming from within himself.

He´s at a loss for what´s happening, but the voice slowly and lightly blocks out all the other noise, grounding him in a gentle tune. In a flash, he recognizes the song. He knows where he heard it last.

Mr Stark.

And he remembers.

“Kid? What are you doing up?”

He shrugs, sinking deeper into the couch cushions. Baby Tarzan laughs onscreen.

He half expects Mr Stark to push him for more details, but he seems to understand Peter´s not in a talking mood and walks up to him solemnly.

“Scoot.”

He does, and Mr Stark plops down next to him, wordlessly extending his arms out in invitation. Peter falls into the hug gratefully and sighs. Exhaustion pulls down on his bones, but he´d rather not get back to the nightmare he woke up from. Mr Stark snorts softly at something in the movie, and then they both jump a bit at the sudden loud gorilla roar. They keep watching the movie, and Peter´s curls are brushed back gently in a soothing motion.

He wants to sleep. But he can´t.

But he´s safe here, isn´t he?

His chest grows heavier as he thinks of the dream, and when he blinks, his eyelids dampen. He hasn´t shed a tear yet, but Mr Stark must sense something again because his hand at Peter´s hair stills.

And then he starts singing.

It´s a lulling comfort, and Peter melts into the embrace, allowing his tired eyes some rest.

He´s safe.

Come stop your crying

It will be alright

Just take my hand

Hold it tight

I will protect you

From all around you

I will be here

Don't you cry

He´s safe.

With a final shot from Iron man´s repulsors, the robot powers down, and Peter runs out to meet Mr Stark, almost crushing his ribs in a hug.

“Woah, woah!” The helmet´s visor pulls up, revealing a grinning Tony. “Did that actually work? FRIDAY told me you were freaking out and I thought it might help calm you down.” He says, hugging him back. “But it did more than that, didn´t it?”

Peter´s too relieved to do anything but nod happily into his shoulder, but he gets the point across.

They stay there for a full minute, just holding on to each other. Until Tony grumbles out a “and I can´t believe you remembered Phil Collins before Iron man, seriously.” and Peter bursts out laughing, lightening the mood.

“The man didn´t sing that soundtrack in five languages for nothing, Mr Stark. It slaps.”

Tony hides his smile in Peter´s curls, and hugs him close.

#Writing #The friendly neighborhood exchange #WHOOO #irondad and spiderson #I love them #platonic soulmates

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jade-of-mourning · 3 years

Text

theformat wrote, "im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

in which i spontaneously take several hours to translate nate’s awfully punctuated commentary on dog problems into Comprehensive English Words. partially so i can write my stupid essay on it for fun. but yes here you go, 4.2k words from a 2006 livejournal archive that i managed to snatch out of two saves. here’s a link if you want to read it from the source, but i’ll have you know it’s a nightmare. early 2000′s nate ruess learn how to type properly challenge.

theformat wrote,

[@ 2006-5-18 18:44:00]

"im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

Hi,

Sitting on my couch, watching ESPN. Damn, it’s good to be home. Things have been pretty crazy the last 6 months. As a lot of you know, we were dropped by our label — we went and recorded a new record, labels became interested, [and] we decided to release it ourselves. We went on tour, and now I’m [...] home for the next week: my first week off in six months. What do I do?

Well, my roommate and I got memberships to the YMCA down the street from our house. It’s an amazing place. Downtown Phoenix is pretty much an amazing place. It’s not like the rest of the state — speaking of which, I’m declaring war on Scottsdale, it’s the opposite of Downtown Phoenix.

Anyways, so I wake up at 9am every morning. I don’t know what it is, really — I’ve been a "pro" musician for about 3 years now, [and] we are supposed to wake up at 11 or 12. I know some dudes that wake up at 1, but no; since I’ve been home the last few days, I’ve been going to bed at 1 and waking up at 9. My roommate has a job, [so] I think it has to do with that.

See, there are 3 showers total in our house. I have the big bedroom, so I have the big shower, [and] since I’ve been off on tour and recording, he has gotten used to the nice shower in my room (Which is fine — anyone that’s gotten close to me knows I’m not too fond of showers, so it’s not like I use it that much). So every morning around 8:45, I wake up to my door opening and my roommate going through my room to use the shower.

You know what it’s like when you’re half asleep but you want to act like you’re awake so as not to freak someone out with all the crazy babble, but you just end up saying all the same crazy babble? I do that every morning. I turn and look at him and try to act like I wasn’t just dreaming about tootsie rolls and parrots that shatter like glass. "Hey [Roommate's Name], that was some game last night" [is what usually] comes out of my mouth — something to that extent — and I think he feels sorry for me, but continues to walk right into my bathroom, and use the shower.

At this point, I’m awake. I usually have to pee, and I have to then use his restroom. It’s a terrible swap, and it always ends with me wide awake on my front porch (har har) smoking a cigarette and wondering how the hell I’m gonna fall back asleep when the air conditioning is broken. Ah, what a wonderful life at home, [but] that’s the weird thing — I love it. Now we wake up and we go to the [YMCA]. We run, we play basketball, we jump in the pool, we play pool basketball, we get yelled at for dunking the ball. We don’t use soap before we go into the sauna, and the night usually ends with a poker tournament. This is the life I love to live when I’m away from the road. It too is the opposite of Scottsdale. It’s who I am, [and] it’s pretty much who I’ve become.

See, for the last 23 years, it’s been about the highs and the lows for me. I’ve got an addictive personality, [so] I stay away from a lot of things because of this; however, when I find things, I get generally excited. I go crazy. It’s all I think about and all I do for the next howeverlong. For the first 23 years, it was either talking non-stop or locking myself in my room. It’s either great or terrible; not good or bad. Dog Problems changed that.

Initially, Dog Problems was supposed to be that — the original concept of Dog Problems was to be 2 sides of music, the first half taking over where Interventions [+ Lullabies] had left off: "We'll be together in the morning…"

We weren’t, in fact. We were over before Interventions was even released. We were over two weeks after it was recorded, [and] I spent the next 2 years feeling terrible. We got back together… we broke up… we got dogs… we broke up… we got back together and got dogs…

I was still miserable, but I wanted Dog Problems to get me through everything. I wanted it to help me, not anyone else — just me. The first side was supposed to be me down in the dumps [and] everything that went down: how the two of us were dealing with it differently, [and] the second half was supposed to be a realization.

The first inkling of realization was a day [when] we were on tour. We were all laughing about something I’m sure Marko or Adam said. Here I was supposed to be depressed, but the fact that I can spend all of my days in different states with my best friends, all of us doing what we love — that was major! Then my mom called… I’ve got my parents! My friends! What else could I possibly need?

At that point, I felt as if a relationship in a Michael Bolton sort of way didn’t mean anything. It was the people you surrounded yourself with — those were the people that made the difference, and that was going to be side two. I was convinced that when I just closed my eyes and thought about the wonderful people around me, I was going to be great. Not good, [but] great.

I didn’t get that far, no. I got back into the relationship.

I was sure it was going to work. At that point, life would be perfect, and we all want perfection right? [But] things went right back to far from perfect. Things went to terrible. I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself, but I had a concept. At that point, I figured that even by singing and recording these positive songs I was going to feel better, so Sam showed me what was then just a short acoustic guitar version of Snails.

This was it. This was my first chance to prove to myself that life can be beautiful. The thing is, I had never been more miserable. I remember writing the lyrics to Snails: my roommate was at work, I was on the bed, on my night stand was a giant bottle of booze, and somewhere off in California she wasn’t calling me back on a Friday night. So I went to work, listened [to it] over and over. I wanted to get it right; I wanted to be positive. I passed out, then I woke up the next morning [with a] big headache (P.S. drinking is not really that cool; it’s cool when you condemn it for the first 22 years of your life, then it becomes not cool, then it becomes ok when you moderate yourself) and I started writing everything positive I could think of. [...] Snails was, in Sam’s mind, supposed to be a 2 minute kid’s song, [but] I wrote so much that there was no going back. I thought that was it — Snails solved all of my problems.

It didn’t get that far either. Nothing could shake the depression, [and] I really started to worry about myself. Here I want to feel great, but I only feel terrible, [and] a few months later it got really really bad. I had to go to my parents house that night, I didn’t want to be at my house. I wanted to feel like a kid.

It’s funny how we always want to be adults when we're younger. We want to drive cars, we want to have girlfriends. I still didn’t consider myself an adult — all I wanted was to come home, be tucked in, know that everything was going to be alright. I woke up the next day [and found out] she met someone new. I’ve got to figure myself out…

In the meantime, we've got 4 songs we are recording over at our friend Aaron’s house (he is an amazing producer and [...] musician, and his house and his roommates have gotten me through a lot of tough times. They’re some of the only people I know who would rather spend their Saturdays getting dinner and watching a movie instead of going to a party. I like that). All of this turmoil in my relationship was going on at the time, and I was trying to write side two [but] I couldn’t. There was more fuel to side one. These songs have to be done, so I wrote about what I knew, and at that point I knew how to feel terrible.

So much for side two. Dog Problems is going to be one giant mess of depression and "look what you’ve done to me".

Atlantic got those four songs, as well as a few others. They were not psyched, to say the least, but some people at the label actually cared about it enough to say "go record". So we were able to pick our producer, we met with a few people, talked to a few more. Things were looking up. Dog Problems was going to happen.

I remember meeting Steve McDonald at his house — Sam and I were excited to be [there] because we knew his wife Anna would probably be there. Anna was the lead singer/songwriter for a band we used to obsess about called "That Dog", her brother was one of the ten drummers in the world that I actually liked, so Steve couldn't be so bad. And he wanted to produce our record, so he had to be pretty cool!

He was just that, and more. Sam and I were eating every word that came out of his mouth. He had stories; he was young, hip, energetic, and yet very all knowing. We saw someone that was going to let us do whatever we wanted to do, and in the meantime he was going to make us laugh and make sure we didn't lose our minds. From that point on, I knew there was someone I could always trust. I made a friend pretty quick.

Things were moving forward. Steve McDonald was to be the producer. I hated Los Angeles so there was no way in hell I was going to record there, [so] we decided Palm Springs would be perfect. Weird, but perfect. I had a phone conversation with Steve that night and we were finalizing everything. I was going to call Atlantic in the morning and let them know just how everything was going to work, [but] I didn't get that far.

I was sleeping in a blowup bed at the house when my phone rang. I didn’t wake up and answer like it was my roommate and he was coming into my room to use my shower, [because] this call felt different. Right away, I was awake.

It was our manager: "You’ve been dropped."

When I heard that, the first thought going through my mind wasn’t "Oh man...how are we going to be famous now and make boat loads of money?" It was more like "fuck...but Dog Problems. We were supposed to go make Dog Problems."

The thing is, Atlantic wasn’t into Dog Problems. They were into whatever it was they thought we were. Never had The First Single made more sense — what was supposed to be a song about getting the band started and doing something with it had actually turned into a song about how stuck we were in the labels eyes because of the song. I was past that; we're proud of something we wrote when we were 19 and 20, but when I think of music, I think of progression.

I think of all of the wonderful records I had been introduced to when I had nothing to do riding in a van. I think of all of the new influences, all the instruments, all of the "How did they do that?" And I think of how much it gets me through everything.

Music has been the consecutive[ly] great[est] thing in my life. It’s been that one thing, and with Dog Problems, it wasn’t about "I want everyone to sing along because I can write a catchy song." It was about feeling. It was paying tribute to all of the bands that we obsessively listened to. It was for Harry Nilsson and Van Dyke Parks, it was for Jellyfish and XTC. It was our way of saying thanks for making our lives better, whether it be lyrically or musically. It was never about being something, being told something, and sticking to something. It was an adventure, for the artist and for the listener.

[And] they didn't get that. They wanted the old record, the old songs, just with different words and a few different chords here and there. They didn’t care about Snails or Dog problems [or] what it meant to write those songs. They knew it wasn't going to be huge; the guitars were not big enough (if big guitars are your thing that’s fine, it’s just not really our thing right now); it wasn’t going to be competitive, and so they dropped us. And rightfully so: we weren’t going to change, and obviously the major label business is never going to change, [so] now it comes down to who goes down first. And we weren’t ready to go down.

Sam and I had conversations about it, whether the business end of things have been fucking with us so much that we'll never be sane enough to just enjoy it. We thought about getting out — it wasn’t [be]cause we hated each other, or the songs; it was because we hated the business.

Steve called to let us know that he was still onboard, label or not, [and] we let him know we were still on board. We were going to make this record, [and] I was going to feel great! But the record was going to cost something. How could we afford it?

We were lucky that we had a management company like Nettwerk. Not only are they the most forward-thinking music business people around, [but] they’re also (for the most part) Canadian. Oh, and they care a shit load about the music we make. They could have waited for the ship to sink, but they told us they would pay for the record if need be. Fortunately, we were able to get money for getting dropped — Atlantic actually paid us to leave, so we could afford the recording ourselves. The only stipulation was that it had to be done quicker, and when you want something quick, you have to go to the "right here, right now" capitol of the world: Los Angeles. I was a little irked at the thought at first, then Steve said it was his personal goal to make LA a wonderful city for me. Like I said, I would jump off a cliff if Steve said it was the best way to get coffee, but I wasn’t jumping off of cliffs. I was too excited to make Dog Problems, [so] LA it was.

Sam and I moved to the "Silver Palace" in Silverlake California in the middle of December. We found an amazing studio in Burbank, California and an amazing engineer in Ken Sluiter, and our goal was to just do everything free from a record label and someone constantly messing up the recording process by saying things like "that’s not high octave enough". The only pressure we had at all was from our manager saying "You have a tour you accepted in March, [so] get it done by then.” Other than that, it was me, Sam, Steve, and Ken working 13 hours a day for 6 days a week.

It became our lives we were putting so much of ourselves into. Everyone that worked and played on the record was the same way when they were there contributing. I would leave the studio at 2 in the morning and wake up at 10 to be at the studio by 11. There was no free time — the four of us were so invested in this. We all bought into the concept.

In the meantime, things outside of the studio were getting interesting. We had a lot of labels calling and constantly asking about it. During one week of recording, I remember at least 3 different label people coming down to the studio. Our minds weren’t made up as to what we were doing with the record once it was recorded — all we wanted to do was finish it — but we kept our options open and let people sit in the big chair and listen to what we had been working on. The response was overwhelmingly positive, but we didn’t really think about it too much beyond the compliments we were receiving. Sam and I got used to LA — I was 10 minutes away from where I had been the previous summer when I was back "on" in my “on and off" relationship. I was ten minutes from her, she was calling every day, I was singing about it… but how was it not getting to me? Why did I not care?

My phone was off. I woke up in Silverlake one morning and started wondering why for the last month I had a smile on my face. Sure, I was down at times, but the thing that had been bringing me down for 3 years was now the last thing on my mind. Apparently, it had been that way for awhile. Something that took 3 years to get over… I was finally just okay with it. No big realization — just the fact that things happen. People make mistakes. And I came out of it alright. I was good; not great… I was good, and that felt good.

I wasn’t looking for great anymore. I was okay. The last song on Dog Problems is all about that. Here, this record was supposed to be the downs, and the ups, and it ended with the middle: the realization that I don’t need to be talking; I don’t need to be locked in my room — I need to enjoy what’s going on around me. And if things go wrong, they go wrong. There’s always tomorrow.

Dog Problems means so much to me in so many different ways. I’ve never been more proud of anything in my life. I cried so many times during the making of the record. All the money I had spent on therapy, and all I had to do was go make a record, realize that I’m alright, and realize that I made something that I’ll forever be proud of.

Shit… the record was supposed to be about how California can change you for the worse, [but] it played a huge part in doing the opposite!

So as we were putting the finishing touches on the record (all our friends came in and recorded! A ton of people we admired came and worked on the record! All of their responses were so positive that it's hard not to get an ego about it. These are the people I worship. They’re the ones I wanted to pay tribute to, and they think we've made something unique and special. It’s like Michael Jordan telling you that you have a nice jump shot (no more sports references… I swear I’m done)) and we started to think about what we were going to do with it. How we were going to release it. Labels were getting pretty into it, and we knew we would have to make a decision soon.

After much debate and discussion, we decided that the record was something we had made completely on our own, so why not release it completely on our own? Nettwerk was going to take care of the distribution so it would have a major label distro. It would be inside all of the Best Buys; what more did we want? We didn’t want a big fat check — we did that last time. It made us miserable, and nothing came out of it. Barely anyone at the labels helped us, we weren’t making music videos, our songs weren’t on the radio, so why would we take their criticism? After all, everything that we’ve done — any success we’ve had is from being real people who make music. From showing up to play, from 3 years on the road.

On Interventions [+ Lullabies], there might have been an Elektra logo on the back of the record, but it ended right there. We were the ones SHOWING people who we were. I wouldn’t have it any other way — no one knows us better than ourselves, so why not release it ourselves? To me, it’s not only a testament to the hard work we put into the band (Mike, Don, Marko, Toco, everyone else involved in putting these songs to life — you guys are the best thing we have. It’s pretty special when your best friends are some of the most talented musicians), but I really feel like the people who come to our shows are such good people that they don’t give a fuck what label it’s on.

They are there because we are doing something positive, and because we care about them as much as they care about us. So for the time being we've said "fuck the middleman": we're the only people we can blame at this point. I’m so tired of even talking about major labels and the split and everything like this. The music is the only thing I care about. Dog Problems is the only thing I care about, so why let someone else ruin it?

The Vanity Label was born.

The record got finished. We had no time to rehearse, and we had to go right back out to tour. Our first show before the Motion City Soundtrack tour was in Nashville — I remember the last time we were in Nashville, there were about ten kids. Reuben’s accomplice kept asking them why they hate whales, so we figured why not go there and get some of the rust out of the way. After all, we haven't toured in a year so there should be like 3 kids there; we can mess up if need be.

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to mess up. On a Sunday night in Nashville, with Ted Leo playing across the street (I <3 Ted), our first headlining show outside of Arizona in almost a year was over sold out. What the fuck happened?

We thought we were going to have to play for another 3 years just to get back to where we were when we left, and yet it’s sold out on a Sunday night? It didn’t end there either — the whole tour went like that… night after night ("nite after nite?"). I couldn't believe it. As if having Dog Problems wasn’t enough, now we have people showing their support in the most positive way: coming to the shows, being there from the only thing they knew before. Those two months were such good months. It was the last thing I expected. Thanks so much to all the bands that played with us, and thanks so much for everyone that came to the shows and sang along. We'll be back in July.

In the meantime, things were going great on the Vanity Label front. Business actually felt natural. We are shooting a video with the directors we had always dreamed of doing a video with (it won’t be serious...no pouty face). There were magazines like AP and online magazines like AP taking notice, supporting the whole idea and concept. We actually took press photos. I’ve never been through any of this before, it’s exciting. I don’t think it’s going to change who we are, not one bit, but it’s still exciting to see people who can help out actually help out.

So where does that leave me now? Sitting on my bed. I’ve rambled for hours, the air still doesn't work, and I’ve been told that Dog Problems (something that isn't supposed to come out till July) has been leaked. Not the best news when you just got out of the pool, but it happens. I freaked out at first — I thought I was going to lock myself in my room. After all, this is something that we spent over two years making. It’s something that you have to take the time… listen to in headphones… play loud… listen to in order of the tracks… the artwork… Sam did the best artwork he has ever done. The packaging is something we paid extra for because Sam’s concept was so brilliant, and now… it’s leaked on the internet? I was locking my door, then our manager called.

"Hello?"

"We're releasing it on the website today."

"Wow."

So, here goes. You’ve read enough. I shouldn’t have to go on about it anymore, but I will say, if you wanna wait for the full hard copy release then do so. It’s July 11 — we are gonna be touring right after that — but if you want to get it now,.please do it by purchasing it right here. We released it, it’s our money, it’s our little baby — you should take the time to listen to it all the way through, free of distraction. You should turn the songs into your own. It’s an adventure, and it’s something that we put everything we have into; and if anyone deserves it first, it’s you guys who have been here with us all along.

Without further ado...

"Dog Problems"

- Nate

#dog problems #the format #nate ruess #basically: dog problems; a lyrical & musical & emotional masterpiece #i honestly feel like i don't even need to write that essay anymore wtf #4.2k words baby that took me ages to edit bc he has the WORST typing habits #every half statement is interspersed with ellipses and there are no apostrophes and everything was no caps lmaooo #moving on #this is absolutely my favorite album ever and holy shit #finally reading this post in its entirety gave me so much more insight it's wild #i'm like so fucking emotional help jhfhbjgfhsdkg #i'm just glad he's doing alright now and having a good time even if music isn't a big part of his life anymore #and i also feel like i understand the breaking up of fun. a lot more as well #hell i just really understand nate ruess in general a lot more and it's really nice #bc he's been my favorite artist for a while and i know a lot of people shit on him for his personality but like. fuck off people are people #and u know. if work permits is my favorite song so hearing shit about it makes me happy #truly makes me appreciate the album more than i already did #and makes me get why it's the only part of his discography he still actually likes #even though OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING they are all Excellent but okay then nate

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alittlextrathatway · 4 years

Note

Fluff prompt 17 & Brettsey ❤️

“I’m pretty sure (you’re/she’s/he’s/they’re) my soulmate”

******

Monthly dinner with his sister and his niece is proving itself to be interesting. Honestly, this month he feared he wouldn’t be in the mood for it given the self-loathing hole he’s fallen into. It started with self reflection in an effort to answer Sylvie’s question and then spiraled from there.

It became a nightmarish clipshow of all the arguments and fights he’d had with Gabby. Deep in the archives of his memory he found a dusty padlocked trunk full of their relationship’s flaws and weaknesses. When she left he hadn’t let himself dwell on them but not unpacking those hurt feelings had in turn caused him to hurt Sylvie.

And that could never be allowed to happen again.

He needed to process it all but it left him feeling rather cynical. He had horrible luck with relationships. Why should Sylvie be any different?

Except, she is. She’s very different. He doesn’t know how he knows she’s different. He simply...does.

He has no idea what to do with that certainty so lately he’s been ignoring it in favor of his more instinctual wallowing.

Which is part of the reason dinner is interesting.

It seems his niece, now in her freshman year of college, has fallen in love. The young kind. The kind you believe to be invincible despite it having never been tested. Even if he’s in a cynical mood, he still finds it...sweet.

“I’m pretty sure he’s my soulmate,” Violet explains, spearing a bit of salad onto her fork.

Christie shakes her head with a fond grin.

But Matt is curious. “What makes you say that?”

She smiles broadly at the question, happy to have her feelings acknowledged by an adult. “Well, we want all the same things — right now anyway. He never judges my decisions, he just listens to me as I make them. He never tries to solve my problems for me. He doesn’t act like I have to be his entire world or that he has a right to know all my secrets. I don’t know, I guess he makes me feel free. Like I’m not having to meet any unrealistic expectations and I can relax, you know? I can genuinely be me and not the person people think I am. I mean I get that we’re young and I’ve got a lot of the world I still need to see but...when you find someone like that shouldn’t you hold on to it? Whether you're eighteen or, well, as old as you are, Uncle Matt.”

The last part is said with a teasing twinkle in her eye and he chuckles at her, tossing a piece of his dinner roll at her.

“I take the time to actually ask you about this guy and then you turn around and call me old? You’ve grown up to be a real brat. You know that?”

She laughs, shrugs, and sticks her tongue out at him the way she used to do when she was a lot younger. It reminds him of how quickly time has passed.

Of how much of it he’s wasted.

But it’s more than that because Violet’s words nestle into his brain like the overly catchy chorus of a pop song. They repeat in his head over and over as his 48 hours off ticks away — like a song on replay.

“He makes me feel free.”

“I can genuinely be me and not the person people think I am.”

“When you find someone like that shouldn’t you hold on to it?”

He may be older than Violet but her youthful optimism is taking him to school. His niece has always been precocious but these words are wise beyond her years.

Because she’s right. When you find someone who allows you to safely be your true self you should hold on to them. That may very well be the definition of a soulmate for all he knows…

So, why is he letting his go?

He walks into Molly’s, a man on a mission. He’s been energized by Violet’s hope and idealism. He can do this. He can talk to Sylvie and tell her how he feels and what he wants. They can work. They can be happy. He knows they can and that, he suddenly realizes, is what makes her different. He has no doubt he could make her happy. In fact, he’s confident they could make each other the happiest they’ve ever been...if only she’ll take the leap.

He spots Sylvie in the back, at a table with Mackey and Kidd. He ignores Herrmann’s hello and marches straight to them.

“I’ve reconsidered,” Matt declares to the table.

Sylvie’s brow furrows in confusion, head tilting slightly. “Reconsidered what?”

“A lot of things,” he says honestly, holding her stare and blocking out Kidd and Mackey’s wide eyed expressions. “But mostly your question and my answer and then your resulting request for space.”

He’s powering through his fears and his nerves and apparently that means using his commanding captain voice. Not exactly the tone he imagined he’d use but he’s getting the words out. The words he intends to say, the words he’s been thinking for weeks, are actually leaving his lips. If it works, he’s not changing it now.

“Um, okay,” Sylvie replies, cheeks turning pink as her teeth pull at her bottom lip.

He can tell he’s surprised her and she’s not sure how to respond so he continues. “I don’t want to give you space. In fact, I don’t want any distance between us at all. Ever.”

Her eyes water but a tear never falls and she doesn’t look away. She swallows thickly and shakes her head. “We talked about this. I told you it can’t happen again—“

“Because there is no regardless of Gabby, I know. I’m still unpacking that baggage,” he tells her honestly. “And you’re right there is no regardless of Gabby, but that doesn’t mean I still want her. Do I want her to be happy? Yes. Will I always feel some sort of love for her? Yes. But I’m not in love with her anymore and I don’t want to be. I want you. The truth is, I was never able to really be the person I wanted to be with Gabby. I didn’t feel as if I could be but with you—with you—I have no other choice to be authentically me. You bring that out in me and, now that I see that, I have no intention of letting you go.”

The trepidation he saw in her expression earlier melts away, leaving a blinding smile in its place. Her eyes are glistening and her face is flushing. Their eyes never move from each other. His smile shifts to match hers.

Sylvie stands from her chair, slips her arms in her coat, and without looking away from him says, “Stella, Gianna, I’ll see you both on shift tomorrow.”

“I’ll make sure Severide knows not to worry when Casey doesn’t make it home,” Kidd says with a wry grin.

Mackey turns to Kidd with an elated expression. “I knew it! I knew I saw something!”

Sylvie ignores them both and slips her hand into his, pulling him toward the exit. “Come with me.”

The rest of the bar is still hazy. All he sees is Sylvie’s blonde hair and sunny smile. He knows there’s other people in the room but they feel very far away.

They step out of the stuffy bar and into the cool night air. She drags him down the street until she finds his truck in it’s usual parking spot and then stops, turning to face him, looking overjoyed and yet still shy.

“So, I make you feel like yourself, huh?” She asks as her smile turns coy.

“You think I let just anyone hear my Australian accent?” He asks, with a secretive grin.

A short burst of laughter escapes her. “That’s good to know. It’s truly terrible.”

He takes her other hand and tugs her closer until they’re nearly standing chest to chest. Their amused expressions sober at the tension that crackles between them.

“Sylvie, I really believe we could work,” he confesses. “I think we could be great and I want a chance to prove it.”

She squeezes his hands and lifts herself up onto her toes until their noses are touching. “You make me feel like myself too, Matt. You don’t want me to be more than I am or expect me to change any part of myself for you. That’s what pulled me in, even if I didn’t want it to. You wanted to be there for me, exactly as I am. It’s hard to resist.”

“Then don’t,” he pleads. “Don’t resist. Take a leap with me. Please.”

“If we do this—“

He smiles eagerly, suddenly hopeful this might go his way.

“—we both have to be all in, Matt. That means talking about the tough topics and really putting in the work to make sure we understand each other.”

He nods, nose bumping hers. “I’m all in. We’re already discussing the tough topics and we haven’t even been on a date,” he reminds her. “I am more than willing to keep talking. I’ll talk all night if you want. I’m an open book. Anytime you want.”

“You also have to promise me that you’ll tell me if I ever make you feel as if you can’t be yourself with me,” Sylvie says, hands slipping into his hair. “I want you, Matt. Whoever you choose to be and whatever dreams you choose to have, you’re the one I want. I don’t want you to ever hide any of that from me.”

“I won’t,” he promises. “You’re getting every bit of me from here on out. I swear.”

“Good,” she says, beaming at him with happy tears gathering in her lashes. “That’s all I’ve been wanting for entirely too long.”

“Then what’s the final verdict, Brett?” He asks as his arms slowly encircle her waist. “Are we doing this?”

She sighs happily and nods. “Yeah, we’re doing this.”

That’s all he needs to hear. He yanks her forward until she’s pressed flush against him and then swoops in, sealing his mouth to hers. With every sip he takes from her lips his cynicism washes away. She’s a fountain of truth and light and he feels fortunate to be near her. The sheer amount of happiness he feels, as he continues to kiss her on the sidewalk outside of Molly’s, is a shock to his system.

And, he thinks, he has Violet to thank for it.

If soulmates do exist then she helped him see that his has been right in front of him all along.

#chicago fire #brettsey #sylvie brett #matt casey #fanfiction #my fic #angellwings writes #fanfiction prompt game #ask prompt #i’m on mobile and couldn’t find the read more cut line so I hope no one minds how long this is #long post

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knives-out20 · 3 years

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The Impact Of The Intergalactic - David Bowie Opinion Essay - by Beck S.

This is an essay I wrote about the span of David Bowie's career. I wrote it for a summer school course I took last year (August 2021) for a course called History of Rock & Roll.

My teacher gave nice feedback after he marked it, talking about how it was an "Excellent paper. It charts Bowie's progress throughout his career well, and includes significant detail. I could really feel the passion you have about him throughout. In fact, there is *too much* detail! The paper was supposed to be 3 pages max, double-spaced. Still, this is a good problem to have; better too much than too little."

So...enjoy!!

From his early works like Hunky Dory, to Black Tie White Noise in the 1990’s and stretching over to Blackstar as his final album, David Bowie has rarely had a bad album or song- in my opinion. His career has had ups and downs, his musical creations ranging in the way he would pitch his voice and what instruments he would use, the people he would produce with, and the wild things he would say. Charting David Bowie’s development over time is in fact an interesting journey.

Early on in his dreamy career, Bowie would have done nearly anything- or in fact, anyone- to grow in the music world. Hopping from band to band (like The Velvet Underground), producer to producer, doing whatever he could do to get ‘in’ in the industry. His early albums weren’t taken very highly in their times- especially with the ‘man-dress’ he wore on the British release of his The Man Who Sold The World album. Although, this dress was only the start of the androgynous appearance he would soon be known for, over the course of his 5-decade-spanning career.

The 1970’s were strange, to say the least. He married Angela Bowie at the start of the decade, then welcomed their son Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones a year later. Bowie went on to be hopped up on cocaine. David donned the look of one of his famous personas, The Thin White Duke. The same persona with slicked-back ginger hair, a white button-up under a black waistcoat and paired with black dress pants. The same Duke who called Adolf Hitler one of the first ‘rock stars’ and gave off a lot of faschist energy. He said many statements he’d later apologize for and grow as a better man from, which is good- it’s better than standing by then, or even backing himself up and supporting them. David Bowie called that period the darkest days of his life, and blamed the crazy statements on his horrid addiction and deteriorating mental state. The late 1970’s were more favorable, seeing as it gave the world what was dubbed the Berlin Trilogy alongside Brian Eno and David’s personal friend, Iggy Pop. Made up of three of his albums: Low and Heroes (both in 1977) and Lodger (1978). He moved from Los Angeles to Switzerland, then to Berlin as a further decision to escape his addiction (the reason he moved away from LA in the first place). It was in Berlin, of course, where he wrote his famous song Heroes, about two lovers, one from East Berlin and one from West.

Speaking of Berlin, David Bowie performed near the west of the Berlin Wall in 1987; he played so loud that crowds gathered on the east to listen. At this time, Bowie had no idea he would be the beginning of the city’s soon-coming unifying. After his death in 2016, the German government thanked him for bringing the wall down and unifying a divided Germany.

Music isn’t all he is known for, though it is a majority. He also starred in movies from time to time. Being the titular man in The Man Who Fell To Earth in 1976, Jareth the moody goblin king in Jim Henson’s 1986 Labyrinth film (what is most likely his most famous role), Monte the barman in the 1991 movie The Linguini Incident, cameoing as himself in Zoolander (2001), Nikola Tesla in the 2006 movie The Prestige, and even Lord Royal Highness in Spongebob Squarepants’ Atlantis Squarepantis in 2007, among a few others. David Bowie dabbled in the art of acting, and was not that bad at it. He was good enough to gain a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, too. Sometimes it bends my mind that my first introduction to my all-time favourite musician was in a Spongebob Squarepants movie, back before I knew who he was, but David Bowie was never one to shy away from foreshadowing. At least one song from many of his albums would hint at the direction he’d go in for his next release. For example, his track Queen Bitch on Hunky Dory foreshadowed his soon-coming Ziggy Stardust. And the Diamond Dogs track 1984 actually hinted at the Philadelphian soul of Young Americans, which is a more famous song of his, which he went on to perform on The Cher Show with its host.

The 1990’s were certainly an experimental time for David Bowie. But to my knowledge, I think the 1990’s was a time for everyone. He married supermodel Iman some days after performing at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, and released the album I named earlier, Black Tie White Noise. It is known to have had a prominent use of electronic instruments, as was his other 1990’s album, Earthling. The early 1990’s greeted David’s first real band since the Spiders From Mars, dubbed Tin Machine. They recorded three guitar-driven albums which received mixed reviews from the masses, but Bowie looks back at this period- as do I- with a certain fondness; “a glorious disaster” he called it, when talking to journalist Mick Brown. Tin Machine is a period I don’t listen to often, compared to his solo stuff, but I don’t press the skip button when it comes on.

Alas, the starman’s career drew to a close as the 2000s rolled in. David Bowie greeted the 2000’s with the birth of his and Iman’s daughter, the beautiful Alexandria Zahra Jones. After suffering a- strange, as it were- heart attack symptoms mid-song during a concert in 2004, he took a hiatus from his career. I say strange because given what I know, he was trying his best to stay healthy at the time. According to my special Rolling Stone edition magazine about David Bowie (released at the start of this year), he was on tour and performing in a really hot arena. But Bowie was sober, and had quit smoking. He was taking medication to lower his cholesterol, and worked out with a trainer. Bowie looked great, and yet he felt a pain in his shoulder and chest, along with a shortness for breath. A bodyguard rushed onstage to usher Bowie off of it, cutting the concert short. He only performed live once or twice after that point, but was set on never going live ever again. And he kept his word on that, unfortunately but also fortunately. Unfortunately, because David Bowie live would have been quite the experience- I wouldn’t know, personally. But fortunately, because I do not believe anyone needs a repeat of the 2004 Reality scare.

I am actually not too fond of speaking of his final years. Nobody really likes to speak of the last years of their idols’ life before their death, so it’s no surprise. Blackstar was David Bowie’s 25th and final album, recorded entirely in secret in New York alongside his long-time producer, Tony Visconti. The album's central theme lyrically is mortality, and seeing as Bowie was undergoing chemotherapy for his cancer at the time, I see it as his way of coping with his incoming death. His producer Tony Visconti called him a ‘canny bastard’, when he realized Bowie was essentially writing a farewell album. Every song on the album is what is considered a swan song, a swan song in question being a phrase for a final gesture of some sort before retirement or death. In this case, death. Over the course of recording the album, David Bowie’s chemotherapy had actually been working and he had an eerie optimism while recording. But by the time they shot the two music videos Blackstar and Lazarus, where he showed off the definite passage of time and cruelty of chemotherapy through sparse and gray hair with sagging skin, he knew his condition was terminal and that this would be a battle he would lose. Blackstar wasn’t the first album to have been made by a musician succumbing to a fatal illness, but in my opinion it is in fact the most beautiful. It’s jazzy, and elegant, showing how at peace he had become with dying.

Blackstar the album was released on January 8th, 2016. Also known as David Bowie’s 69th birthday. Two days later, David Bowie died at his Lafayette Street home on January 10th after living with liver cancer for up to 18 months. Beforehand, he had let it be known he did not want a funeral nor a burial, but rather that his body be cremated and the ashes to be scattered in Bali by his loved ones. His wish was received, and planet Earth was very much bluer and quieter without his colour and wonderful noise.

As I said earlier on, David Bowie’s career came with ups and downs. His mysteriously close relationship with Mick Jagger, his cross with famous underage groupie Lori Maddox, the births of his two talented children, his faschist bender in the 70’s, and final bang of Blackstar in his final year on earth. Through the highs and lows, his career and his music meant a lot to the quote-unquote misfits and freaks of the world, myself included. David Bowie turned and faced the strange, shouted “you’re not alone!” To those who felt the loneliest, he surely spent his career helping those who needed to be themselves, feel more freer and braver in doing so, no matter what they may be when they are themselves. He never went boring, he never went stale, he sang what he wanted and dressed how he pleased, and kept to his word on how much more to life there is when you’re just that; yourself. A year after David Bowie’s untimely passing, his son Duncan Jones accepted an award for British album of the year that was won by Blackstar at the 37th annual Brit Awards. When he accepted it, he made a speech about his father that I will leave here, and never forget. Seeing as it perfectly encapsulates David Bowie’ legacy, and the true meaning of his extraordinary career.

“I lost my dad last year, but I also became a dad. And, uhm, I was spending a lot of time- after getting over the shock- of trying to work out what would I want my son to know about his granddad? And I think it would be the same thing that most of my dad's fans have taken over the last 50 years. That he’s always been there supporting people who think they’re a little bit weird or a little bit strange, a little bit different, and he’s always been there for them. So...this award is for all the kooks, and all the people who make the kooks. Thanks, Brits, and thanks to his fans.” - Duncan Z. H. Jones (February 22 2017, at The O2 Arena in London.)

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 3 years

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Hakuoki Kyoka-Roku Hijikata Character Perspective Translation

opened musescore for the first time this year (motivation for music has been unstable since covid started)... and just looking at the piece i was last working on made me really wanna to listen to the actual song I was trying to make an arrangement for and actually finish the piece, but at the same time, I seriously did not want to look at it given how screwed up the timing for some the sequences is... lol. fuck theory and timing... also i seriously procrastinate whenever there are timing errors in the vocal sections since that means the piano timing is all wrong too. plus it doesn’t help that that song is one of the longest ones i want sheet music for.

anyway, same format as all the other char perspectives... screenshots used in this post are not mine. last one of these will be for Harada since i can’t access the post for the CN tl of Heisuke’s version of this.

also since Reimeiroku is getting a new port, I’m going to refrain from from redoing my subtitle video for Saito’s final chapter/epilogue until that comes out... as my device is now running atmosphere (plus, the vita version of Reimeiroku has problems running VITA2PC [plugin I use to stream audio to pc] for me and some of the game assets literally disappear on screen while it’s in use and I’m not really wanting to capture the gameplay audio and video separately to then edit together later).

Hakuoki Kyoka-Roku Hijikata Character Perspective

Translation by KumoriYami

Face: At the time, you stared directly into my eyes. I obviously had the tip of my katana at your neck but your eyes were direct and unwavering...... No, I wasn't shocked, I just thought you amazingly courageous.

Body: Oi, what are you touching!?

Body: We don't wear heavy protective equipment except when it's for an emergency. It's for the so-called "faster response time."

Haori: This alternating stripe pattern on the haori... I really miss it now.

Katana: How could I forget the first time I met you? At the time I only thought that you were a minor nuisance, though now that I think about it... life truly is very unpredictable.

Face: Now that I think about it, my heart might have already recognized you then. I feel that like I've lost to that sincere expression of yours that shows everything you think about. That's why, I'm the only one you can show that expression to. Understand?

Arm: Oi, don't poke my arm. That tickles!

Arm: What's wrong? Are you that fond of my arm?

Arm: Listen well, my arms, they exist to protect you.

Arm: At the time, when you suddenly knelt down, you really shocked me. You were obviously not a member of the Shinsengumi, yet you were so serious about us, and wanted to help us. To tell you the truth, I had forced you into a corner then. I was very angry at myself for how useless I was, but I was still very happy.

Face: What is it? You keep staring at my face.

Face: Well, the first time I put on Western clothes, I ended up cutting my hair.

Face: Do you think that short hair suits me? Haha, since you're saying that, I feel a bit relieved.

Blades: At the time, you and I made a promise as samurai. I didn't think you would follow orders without you doing this. That’s why I might have been driven into making this promise with you [not sure bout the last sentence here].

Chizuru: You were still wearing men's clothes at that time... I'm truly sorry. I couldn't even let a young woman wear beautiful clothes. But, regardless of how you dress, at the time, I already thought of you as a woman.

Face: "Let me stay at your side," those words, I originally planned to never say them in my lifetime. But, you unexpectedly came rushing into my arms, and completely exposed my heart to you. Really... I’ve lost to you.

Hand: This hand is in the way? Don't be so cold. It's because I want to hold you like this.

Hand: Perhaps I might not be able to wield my sword with this hand anymore.

Hand: No matter what you say, I will never let you go again.

Chizuru’s head: I'm sorry to have embraced you so suddenly. I didn't expect you to be so surprised though. But I think that if I don't do this, I won't be able to speak of what is on my mind. From now on, no matter what happens, I will hold you like this. So, smile a bit more for me.

Head: Why are you suddenly touching my head? What? You want to comfort me?

Head: What is it? Touching me so many times, did you want to tease me?

Head: It doesn't feel bad to feel the warmth of someone else's body.

Chizuru’s face: I don't know to what degree you are aware of these things, but I understand that you've given me a life beyond the Shinsengumi. You are the only woman in the world who has changed my entire life.

Chizuru’s hand: People cannot live by themselves. I always thought that I understood that truth. It was only then that I realized that again. I need you.

Clothes: Nn? Ah, a petal got stuck on my back? Thank you.

Back: You’re saying that my back is quite wide? Of course it’s wider than yours.

Back: I can let you lean on my back, though this is also very good [i think?]

Chizuru: Our lives are fleeting like these sakura. Our lives are not endless. One day, death will separate us. But as for when that happens... I think that will be in a long time. As long as you don’t forget that you are now mine, that’s enough.

Sakura: I didn't expect to be able to enjoy the sakura with you like this. No, I'm not being sarcastic when I say this. Because I am able to enjoy the sakura with you. If only I could forever enjoy the sakura with you from now...

#hakuoki #hakuouki #Hakuoki Kyoka-Roku #hakuoki game translation #Hijikata Toshizou

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mrslittletall · 4 years

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And now because I have nothing better to do, I am going to rate all the Harvest Moon/Story of Seasons winter themes:

SNES -> Very melancholy and gloomy. It makes absolute sense for the theme to be like this, because the season in game is very harsh and you can run out of money or food for your livestock quickly.

GBC -> It is pretty much the same as in SNES, but on the Gameboy sound font. The melody is fine, I guess, but we have to admit, Game Boy music is VERY grating to listen to, so yikes.

64 -> It legits sounds like a remix of the SNES winter theme. It has some of this “shing shing” sounds winter music is so fond of, which makes it a little more cheery, but it is overall still a pretty melancholy song that makes you think of a harsh winter.

GBC2 -> Like GBC, suffers from the Game Boy sound font, but the tune is generally nice and it sounds a bit like a christmas jingle. Certainly makes me think of winter.

BTN -> The first Youtube comment went “Funeral music for my crops” and that is literally how the song sounds like! BTN’s winter theme is EXTREMELY slow, sad and melancholic, consisting of pretty much only string instruments.

GBC3 -> Sadly I can’t find a video that points out which one is the winter theme. But listening to the overall OST, it must be pretty terrible.

AWL -> While this game lacks traditional season songs, one of the records is called “Quiet Winter”. This one will fit. It is a very soothing and relaxing song, I actually enjoy listening to it a lot. I want to sway to it while watering my crops.

FomT -> It is the same as the BTN song, but with the GBA sound font. It actually makes it sound even MORE melancholic.

STH -> The song is very slow and melancholic, but for some reason, it doesn’t really gets stuck in the ear. Which is a shame, because STH OST normally is amazing. The winter theme is an expection.

However, there is a different winter theme, the one for the town! Different to the farm theme, the town theme is cheerful and almost christmassy, using the “shing shing shing” again in the background.

MM -> A cheerful winter tune. It is fun to listen to, but I must admit, the instruments feel a bit chaotic, the song doesn’t have much coherence, so I don’t really know what to expect from it. It feels like several songs got played over each other.

HoLV -> Wha?! Isn’t that the Kakariko theme from Ocarina of Time?! The song really sounds like this from the background tunes ^^ It turns into an original song soon enough though and it is a good one, it is relaxing, feels like it might snow, but overall is one of the more cheery winter tunes. It has a pretty cool key change in the middle.

DS -> A very wintery theme, but one that doesn’t sound christmassy. Kinda mixes the melancholy with the joyful part and makes it a pretty solid song, but the background tune is a bit too repetitive.

ToT -> It starts pretty calm and relaxing, certainly makes you think of winter, then has a key change with a very charming melody before repeating. The song is very coherent and sounds like winter. A good song.

The song also has a night theme, but this one sounds downright haunted. Woah!

IoH -> Now THAT’S a cheery tune! It screams winter joy and a fun snow day to me. The only downside is that it is really short.

AP -> It starts out almost gloomy before changing into a major key sounding song that just screams winter and star gazing time at me. The beginning notes are a trap, this song wants to slap, but it wants to let you think that it goes the melancholy route first. In a sense, it has a bit of melancholy into it even.

The night version of this song uses the same melody as the day theme, but with different instruments. Let me just say, they are equally AMAZING. I know why I think that AP has one of the best HM OSTs of all times.

SI -> I have mixed thoughts on this one... as a winter theme, it is alright I guess, but like with MM, it is kind of not coherent? It also has this strange howling wind sounds in the background, which take away from the song imo.

GB -> This one literally starts out with the “shing shing shing”, makes you think winter right away. The main melody is cheerful, though played with a low sounding instrument, but adds some bells or whatever, making the song more cheerful again. It then has a key change and turns into something greater.

ToTT -> What?! That is a winter theme? It sounds very very different, there is barely any winter to hear in there. Disappointing, because ToTT generally has a pretty solid OST.

ANB -> This must be one of the BEST winter themes in the entire series. It starts with a really solid opening and then the main melody kicks in, which just screams “christmas” or “fun snow day” to me. I want to sway to it once the second part of the song begins. The melody rises more and more until it culminates into a slower pace only to do a perfect repeat. It is a pure joy to listen to.

TLV -> While a solid song, that theme suffers from a BIG problem. The first ingame year you are pretty much stuck in winter, so you have to listen to this theme for almost an ENTIRE year. While the theme sounds pretty magical and wintery, I can’t like it anymore after having been forced to listen to it for far too long.

The night version is a little better, but still a bit grating because of the problem described up there.

SoS -> This winter theme is something special. It follows a certain event and it actually sounds like it accompanies this event and the sadness and melancholy of our farmer while they grieve. This theme sounds more like it could be a character theme instead of a seasonal theme, because it certainly tells a story. The slow and staccated melody played throughout the theme just cements this even more.

SV -> I can only find one winter theme for this game and I think it might be the night theme. It is a very slow theme, but also kind of nice.

3oT -> Similar to ANB, this is a very cheerful winter theme, which just wants to make you sway while you enjoy a snow day (or sweat your head off when you visit Lulukoko). It is very cheery and christmassy and overall very fun to listen to. I could never get enough of the theme.

LoH -> Hmmm... the song goes for a slower pace, but it sounds a bit off, like someone tried too hard. It has a keychange in the middle though and while it still sounds a bit offkey, it is nice enough, but there are better themes.

SoS FoMT -> Ah yes, our favourite, the BTN winter theme that just is TOO melancholy. They try to make it a BIT more cheery, but playing it in major key, but that, uh, doesn’t really work.

This one also comes in an alternate version that plays on weekends and festival days, but it is super QUIET. I barely can hear it when I play the game, so these days always felt like they had no music.

It is a somber piano tune, which very much makes it feel like winter, but still too melancholy.

I REALLY hope that I didn’t forget a game! Tell me if I did!

#harvest moon #story of seasons

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pekorosu · 4 years

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just a lil “if ash lived” headcanon that i need to unload somewhere bc i've been holding it in for a long time

- set within the manga ‘verse

- takes place when ash and eiji are in their early 30s... so around the mid 1990s?

- i don’t get the weird animanga trope where older = longer hair, so they’re gonna look the same... maybe with slightly shorter hair bc they get regular haircuts now

- (note: i've always interpreted long-haired eiji as symbolic of the fact that he couldn't move on from ash’s death)

- ash and eiji will continue living in the states, idk if still in NYC or somewhere else. they’ll move around a lot though.

- ash will mostly remain underground as he had to fake his death after lao’s stab, but he does it in a "hiding in plain sight" kind of way. only a handful of people know he’s still alive.

- ash spends most of his time on the computer, mostly coding, hacking, being a nerd, among other fun stuff.

- he also takes on “jobs” anonymously, and occasionally from max (who’s still into investigative journalism) when he needs info that can only be obtained through Dubious Means.

- i also like to think that ash's a bit of a hacker robin hood lol. but he isn’t doing it purely out of the goodness of his heart, as part of it is a subconscious need to atone for his “sins” and cleanse the gnawing and persistent feeling of shame that gets amplified when he’s around eiji.

- also whatever he’s up to these days would ofc still be Highly Dangerous and Illegal, but it keeps him busy and would sate the part of him that’s still hungry for adrenaline without him having to engage in stuff like active bloodshed or substance abuse. basically that’s how i imagine he’d try to cope with life the only way he knows.

- eiji continues to do photography and other part time gigs bc he does not like the idea of mooching off ash forever, and he slowly makes a name for himself.

- ash and eiji live together but they are NOT together in a romantic sense... not yet >:)

- therefore eiji will probably date other people in the meantime, which gets a little troublesome bc it's not like he can bring them home to where his secret Very Important Friend is secretly hiding.

- ash will maybe have one-night stands every now and then. or not. idk. this isn’t a very important detail.

- anyway there will be lots of clueless but mutual pining :)

- ash especially, is of the opinion that they should start living separately bc someone will eventually track him down, maybe someone who has a past or present grudge on him. combined with his current activities, it’s only a matter of time before eiji would unwittingly get dragged into his problems again.

- eiji is v adamantly against that plan bc he's sorta developed a debilitating sense of paranoia that ash might just get killed somewhere while he’s not looking. not that ash isn’t paranoid either, but his insecurities often tip the scale over to “eiji is safer away from me” than “with me”.

- basically they’re doing their whole “stay. no, leave. no, stay” dance all over again, but like, dragged out over MANY YEARS.

- you thought eiji’s letter would’ve cleared up any crossed wires?

- HELL NO

- like yea, there was probably a beautiful honeymoon period of about a year or two after they reunited, before their respective trauma and issues started creeping in and fucking things up again.

- esp on ash’s end, i think he’d engage in a lot of self-sabotage. and eiji is only human, he has his own limits and baggage too.

- there will be a government conspiracy plotline but on a smaller scale compared to canon that i am unfortunately not knowledgeable enough to worldbuild on, but it will probably have something to do with cybercrime/cyberterrorism/stuff like that bc it needs to tie in with ash's hacking shenanigans.

- i've heard that sing ends up becoming some sorta political big shot in yasha? idk, i haven't read it myself, but since china’s rising status was mentioned in GoL i imagine the plot should relate to that somehow.

- therefore sing would also get to be in this story!

- i guess this means yut-lung would come into the picture at some point as well, and it would be a good opportunity for a redemption arc but i haven’t given it much of a thought bc i’m indifferent to his character orz SORRY.

- look i can’t do plot, but i am basically envisioning a political thriller with a side of slow burn romance (wait, you mean like a rehash of canon?)

- i’m thinking max is the one who kicks off the story by bringing something fishy to ash, and they just end up uncovering more and more and MORE stuff as they keep going.

- so for like 80% of the story, ash and eiji will be separated bc ash will be busy spying or infiltrating something... and being at the center of Plot Things, while max and eiji will be more on the outside dealing with the journalist side of things. i’m fond of max-ash interactions but i’m also REALLY CURIOUS about max-eiji’s dynamic :D

- meanwhile sing will be like, half in and half out i imagine. he's versatile like that lol

- ...i did NOT mean that in a dirty way

- anyway, this will provide ash and eiji ample space to work out their issues separately, as i think living in close quarters for so many years has actually been aggravating them. ofc those issues don’t get 100% resolved by the end, but some time apart from each other to cool off and spend with other people should provide a bit of perspective.

- i want ash to make some NEW FRIENDS (!!!) that are on the same wavelength as him bc there’s only so much that he can tell eiji and i’m sure he gets rather lonely, so there will be OCs that he will meet in the middle of Plot Things.

- ash will get trapped at some point. preferably with sing so they can have a much needed heart-to-heart talk. they’ll have a lot to hash out, ranging from the events in BF, shorter’s and lao’s death, all the way to ash’s love life.

- btw i like the idea of eiji and sing being close drinking buddies who confide in one another but ash is kinda, justalittle, not very happy about that LOL

- i mean, it's not like eiji can confide in ash when ash is the topic at hand, ya get me? as for sing, he’s similar to ash in the sense that they live dangerous lives, so i imagine he just finds it nice to be able to hang out with someone mundane like eiji every now and then.

- not to say that ash and sing aren’t talking to each other at all, but i think they’d have a bit of a rift between them. sing probably does feel some resentment, both at ash for killing lao AND at himself bc he knows deep down that given a choice, he would’ve saved ash over his own brother. ash can sense that tortured vibe, so eiji’s like their middle man. AND THAT’S WHY THEY NEED A HEART-TO-HEART TALK

- (SIDE NOTE: i want akira to have a role in this too. i actually have a separate headcanon that happens prior to this story... kinda like an alternate GoL?

akira goes to the states to visit eiji, but ash is also there, yeah? akira and ash start out sorta prickly with each other bc ash is all weird and standoffish and always cooped up in his room. she probably mistook him as a jobless model mooching off eiji at first since 1) eiji and ibe have never spoken about him back in japan (cuz he’s supposed to be dead), 2) why would eiji be living with some random hot guy? unless they met during one of his photography gigs? right???

and then she ends up witnessing them in the middle of a tiff, which makes her not like ash even more bc HOW DARE HE YELL AT POOR OKUMURA-SAN??? UNGRATEFUL JERK!!!

but over the course of her visit, she snoops around learns a bit about their history and gathers hints as to why their r’ship is kinda strained. also ash and akira somehow end up bonding (reluctantly) over their emotional insecurities and part on a friendly rivalry to win over eiji’s affections (which eiji is completely oblivious to. also akira may have been 100% serious but ash was just jokingly playing along with her (OR WAS HE???)). anyway long story short, ash teaches akira some cool tech/IT stuff along the way so that leads to her gaining an interest in the field.

she won’t be able to do much in this story, but a minor role would be cool :)

^ a lighthearted gyoza-making scene amid all the angst)

- (SIDE NOTE #2: i ALSO want cain to feature in this, but bc canon provided very little bg info on him it’s hard for me to figure out where he’d fit. but i suppose that’s precisely why it would be great to include him, since i can just make up my own backstory! lol. for now, i think he should be connected to one of the new OCs to make him more central to the plot. or heck, he can be involved himself! ...yeah, i’m just salty about how cain was treated more like a convenient plot device compared to the other major side characters. we barely know anything about him even though he was one of ash’s most trusted allies. #caindeservedbetter2k20)

- anyway, back to the main story. ash (and his new "friends") barely escape where they’re held hostage. ash would be rusty with combat now as he’s spent the past few years doing only stealth work and being rather sedentary.

- so there’ll be lotsa old man!ash jokes like them poking fun at him whenever he complains about his back hehe

- when they finally emerge outside they find themselves in the middle of nowhere! they then hijack a passing pickup truck and do a roadtrip back to civilisation. ROAD TRIP FTW

- at this point, quite some time has already passed and ash even has a fuzzy beard and mane and all. he’s standing at the back of the truck with a small smile on his face and the wind blowing in his hair, thinking GONNA GO BACK AND SEE EIJI, MISS HIM LOADS, HELL YEA

- (bonus: this song and this scene is the catalyst for this entire headcanon btw)

(drew this about a year ago. i was trying to imitate the manga’s art style... and the ash i had in my mind was a little different. i’m too lazy to redraw, but he’s fuzzier now okay! MORE FUZZ! like an actual freakin LION!)

- meanwhile, eiji and max will get into some deep shit around this point?

- eiji in the pic above was me imagining that the Bad Guys had tossed some damning evidence (eg. severed body part?) on the ground like “ash’s dead/ash’s in a lot of danger now so hand over all the info u have”

- and eiji and max are like. SHOOKETH

- this would be the 3rd time ash has “died” after all, and as they say... 3rd time's the charm...

- eiji almost gives in, but then max spits in their face like fuck no and then... yeah. they get beat up and taken away or something lol

- EDIT: hmm... what if the Bad Guy is someone IN the government, and he uses his power to get eiji and max arrested for aiding and abetting a wanted fugitive (ash). and then ash has to rescue them... JAILBREAK STYLE

- also it might be cool to introduce ash's mom somewhere in this story... maybe SHE'S the villain! mwahaha *drama intensifies*

- anyways they will get saved by ash and gang bc that’s just the way things go, BUT! only on the condition they already made it out at least 80% of the way bc GODDAMN IT👏LET👏EIJI👏BE👏BADASS👏FOR👏ONCE👏

- (that is, after he overcomes the initial shock of ash possibly being dead again... again...... again............)

- there will ofc be moments of “oh my god, you’re okay” "i thought i lost you...!"

- something like this, because one can never have enough cheesy reunion scenes

- this will eventually lead to REVELATIONS (of the romantic kind, yes)

- buuuut they will never say "i love you" directly to each other bc ash is too emotionally constipated and eiji is too japanese. it's okay, they will communicate it through heated stares 👀

- i would love for there to be a scene where they have to be separated again for Plot Reasons and ash sorta hesitantly goes all "...will you wait for me?" as a direct parallel to canon!eiji's "i'll be waiting" and it’s like,

- FINALLY!

- FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! ash has finally allowed himself to ask for this, to let himself want it!

- and eiji would be like OF COURSE I WILL YOU BIG DUMMY, ALWAYS AND FOREVER

- but i think it'd be hilarious if eiji pops up while ash's in the middle of the final showdown and ash's like WTF I TOLD YOU TO WAIT FOR ME and eiji's like I WAS WORRIED OKAY YOU WERE TAKING SO LONG

- idk how this is supposed to end...

- oh wait! since the plot is government-related, maybe Someone will be able to pull strings to wipe out ash’s criminal record (past and present) and give him a brand new 100% legal identity, as thanks for his efforts? or maybe ash (or sing) just does it himself somewhere along the way LOL. anyway, he’ll be able to start over with a fresh clean slate and finally work on recovery FOR REAL NOW. yes this is a happy ending AND it didn’t require him to go to japan /flips off canon

- ...i realise it’s never going to be that simple but W H A T E V E R

- (also they probably will visit japan in the future with that shiny new passport... gotta meet the in-laws and all y’know)

- who do i gotta pay to write this cheesy self-indulgent fic for me

#since tumblr is for talking to myself that is exactly what im gonna do now #a very long self-indulgent post //#banana fish

124 notes · View notes

dancedelion · 3 years

Note

omg have you heard Tolerate It from taylor swifts new album? it reminds me of your fics so much idk if you might wanna use it as a prompt. specifically "if it's all in my head tell me now, tell me i've got it wrong somehow / i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it" but also just like the whole song in general hahaha xo

Ahhh you’re so right! It’s a really great song. (My other favorites from the album are ‘champagne problems’ and ‘right where you left me’) Thank you so much for the ask and the suggestion! I’m sorry it took me so long to actually get to writing a fic about it, I was busy with uni but I've been thinking about the fic all this time. I hope you like it!

Here it is (or here on ao3):

Geralt of Rivia is a man made of stone. He endures. The world spins around him, he stays the same. For a long time, he does. Nothing can faze him, nothing draws more than a sigh from him.

(He is the first man on earth.)

Nothing could surprise him or catch him off guard. He watches, he hears and he expects the unexpected. The way a witcher learns to feel the world, with all its contradictions, the threats in a gift and the gift in a threat. He learns to become the monster he hunts and understand its ravenous hunger. He has learned to recognize a trap and to walk straight into it, head held high.

(He weathers it.)

His knees might break, his leg might be bruised, might be bleeding, might be crushed beneath the enormous body of a monster he killed, but as long as it can move, he will move it. No gash in his arm will stop him from hunting. No slammed door will stop him from sleeping.

(He weathers the storms, the nights, the long days, the sad days.)

He sleeps in the woods. On rainy days, he sleeps wet. On snowy days, he sleeps cold. In monster-infested parts of the woods, he sleeps with one eye open.

(He weathers the stares and the talk and children running from him in the streets.)

No insult, no matter how well-deserved, can stop his stone heart. No breathing thing, no matter how misguided, no matter how wasted, no matter how cruel, can stop him from saving it.

(Nothing can break this curse, no true love’s kiss, no dragon’s breath. He wanders the world, he is made of stone.)

He doesn’t need.

(He weathers the crickets chirping close by.)

Nothing can change his opinion once he has made up his mind.

(Coin does not move him. Threats don’t move him. Do you dare to call the mountains noble? Do you grant a rock the notion of honour?)

Some things, a woman with soft skin and a sharp blade, a young girl with a future, stones in the street – some things leave him unbalanced. But in the end, even that belongs in his life, because it turned out to be made of pain.

But then –

Like the only thing that has ever been sudden. Like a flash from a time he does not remember. Something changes.

Someone changes. Him.

His mind, constantly. His clothes, whenever he can afford something better. His lovers like a traveller changes beds.

He – bright and inexplicable – saunters into Geralt’s life a minor nuisance – Geralt knows and deals with those – but then –

Jaskier stays. And the world becomes loud. And flowers become a sea of colours. And Geralt has rarely had to hide a smile before.

Geralt has always made do with the bare minimum, but Jaskier thinks he deserves lavender in his baths, clean clothes, healed wounds. And, just like losing the advantage in a fight, Geralt feels himself softening. The world is hard to withstand again, as if her were just a child, before his first trials, before anyone ever hurt him, and it’s all Jaskier’s fault. Hushed words hurt again, he can feel each scrape and even the smaller bruises. He never cared people were afraid until Jaskier told them to be impressed. He has never longed for something precious until -

He hates Jaskier for it, for the way his chest goes tight, for the way he misses the easy touches the moment they’re gone.

It was easier not to feel anything at all. It was necessary not to feel anything at all.

He wonders if Jaskier knows, if this was his plan all along - to become so necessary, so indispensable, so deeply lodged into Geralt’s heart that nothing could wedge him out. But Jaskier can’t have expected those feelings to grow so heavy - Jaskier would crumble under even half the weight of it. No. Jaskier never asked for this. Nonetheless, not even this unyielding bulk of emotion that Geralt can’t put a name to is enough to make Jaskier flee. He would never carry his share, but the sight of its mass doesn’t frighten him.

Of course Jaskier wants Geralt to like him. That’s how he gets what he needs, his adventures and his muse. The severity of it has never surprised him, he has always been strangely casual about it. Acceptant, even. And if Jaskier is not going to mind his affection, Geralt is not going to stop showing it, even though he does wonder where Jaskier’s limit is. If Geralt ever acknowledges it. If her ever puts a name to it. If he ever makes the wrong move –

He won’t. He needs this fragile thing whole now. He will be as fond as Jaskier can take, not a smidge more. The smallest bit of warmth from a witcher is scalding hot, he knows. So he is careful. He minds his movements. Nothing too startling, nothing too grotesque. No smile that shows his teeth. He won’t let it become so vast that it crowds Jaskier into a corner and forces him to reject it.

Jaskier tolerates the hair standing up on Geralt’s neck when he is bathing and his lingering glances whenever Geralt can’t control himself.

They both know Jaskier will only stay if he lets it go unsaid.

***

Jaskier never hoped for much from Geralt. At first, it was just a risk with massive pay-out. Geralt was intimidating and skilled while Jaskier had nothing on offer except for far-fetched promises. Only later, Jaskier realized how much better Geralt is. Not just better, but good. So good. Always trying to do the right thing. It’s clear destiny has great plans for him, no matter how much Geralt loves to deny it. And of course, Jaskier is only a footnote in his story. (No one knows better than Jaskier, he is writing it himself.)

Geralt will go out and save the world and he will let Jaskier wait for him. He will let Jaskier trudge after him and paint him beautiful in his songs. It’s perfectly understandable that Jaskier wants that – who wouldn’t want to get close to a legend? Some things are harder to get away with, but Geralt lets him, easily. He lets Jaskier make his excuses and they both pretend not to know the truth behind his little lies. Attend the festival with me to protect me from angry husbands, Geralt. Wear this doublet because that’s respectable, you heathen. Let me bathe you because you smell like a rat.

Geralt is much smarter than people give him credit for and he can see through Jaskier effortlessly. And of course he also is much kinder than people give him credit for, so he does not mention it.

Nothing Jaskier does can press Geralt into a final good-bye that Jaskier can’t wriggle out of and turn into See you next spring.

He is made of stone. Jaskier’s love won’t impress him, but it also won’t scare him, won’t hurt him.

(He tolerates the burning brightness of the sun. He tolerates the lizard’s small feet clutching onto him.)

Bottomline is, Jaskier gets to keep this. As long as Jaskier doesn’t let it overflow and keeps it just secret enough that his songs come across as odes rather than love letters, Geralt doesn’t mind it. As long as he keeps his mouth shut and leaves everything unspoken.

***

Jaskier’s favourite indulgence is bathing Geralt, perhaps because of just how much Geralt lets him get away with. The first time he did it, he was cautious about it but when he realized Geralt’s protest were half-hearted, he grew bolder. Geralt tolerates Jaskier’s hands messaging his scalp. He tolerates the petals and oils. He even tolerates Jaskier’s gentle touches so long as Jaskier reigns himself in and keeps them sparse.

Tonight, Jaskier offers to wash Geralt’s back and Geralt gives him a short nod. He is completely rigid under Jaskier’s hands, but he tolerates it. Jaskier relishes in being able to be kind to Geralt, but at the same time, he feels guilty for wanting more. Shouldn’t he be satisfied? Geralt gives him enough as it is.

Jaskier knows this is the kind of love that smothers people, violently, until their eyes are bulging and their limbs twitching. It’s the king of love to break free from, unless you have skin as though as his. And not many people do.

Jaskier is exceptionally good at making people leave. It’s his second talent – right after being a bard, he’s a leavee. Someone who gets left. Geralt is the only one who can put up with his love for any length of time. It’s precarious – each touch might be the one that is too much. When Geralt finally tells him to leave and never return. So Jaskier plays his risky game and tries to walk the edge.

“If you leave them out in the cold for too long, frozen. Let them eat mushrooms from the woods – poisoned. Don’t watch how much alcohol they’re drinking – dead. She is very concerned,” Geralt tells him while Jaskier adds more oil to the water.

Jaskier blinks. What had they been talking about? Ah right, a sorceress in love with a human.

“Uhm,” Jaskier says slowly, “Geralt, have you forgotten that I, too, am human?”

“It’s very concerning.”

Jaskier shakes his head and keeps walking around the bathtub. It’s not like he can do anything to stop Geralt from seeing him as weak and incapable. And yet –

“Excuse me? If you think I need constant supervision like a dog, I will be very insulted.”

He emphasizes very. He is already insulted. Geralt, however, is not looking at him. Like he’s not even worth being noticed.

“Humans are fragile,” Geralt says to the water, “you turn your back or don’t pay attention for a moment and they’re gone.”

“Ah, ah,” Jaskier lifts his finger and wiggles it disapprovingly, “don’t believe you’re getting rid of me so easily.”

Jaskier lets his gaze wander over Geralt’s sculpted back. He allows himself to look only because he knows even witchers don’t have eyes in their back.

He wonder who else has touched Geralt, has dared to love him, as held his gaze in the candlelight and made him smile. He wonders if they did it right.

“Susceptible to diseases, falling victim to mild weather conditions, a bad harvest,” Geralt apparently can’t let this go. “You can barely make it a few decades.”

Jaskier is inferior, sure, he gets it. Knowing Geralt, he probably doesn’t even realize how insensitive he’s being.

Jaskier lets his hand sift through the water to see if the temperature is right, then he decides the bath is missing some petals. See, Geralt. Still useful.

“You say that like it’s nothing,” Jaskier says, “that’s a whole lifetime.”

“It’s a sabbatical.”

That statement makes Jaskier so indignant he has to stop trying to pick the most beautiful petals and turn around.

“You’re just over a hundred,” Jaskier scoffs. “And you’re not invincible either.”

Seriously. Maybe writing all those high-praising songs about Geralt are getting to his head. He should write a song about how Geralt is just a totally average guy, actually, that can be killed too if he doesn’t pay enough attention to who he insults during his bath.

“I’m hard to kill,” Geralt says, “humans… a gust of wind could blow you over.”

“I don’t believe it’s quite so dramatic,” Jaskier rolls his eyes. “I have managed to keep myself alive this long after all.”

He carefully keeps his gaze on Geralt’s head and his dripping hair, conscious not to let it wander further down and make Geralt uncomfortable.

“Barely,” Geralt presses his lips together. “I had to save you from almost drinking poison twice, from slipping or stumbling down the stairs at least a dozen times, from angry men with shovels over eight-”

“Okay, okay, stop, I get it,” Jaskier quickly interrupts. “I might not be the prime example.”

Finally, Jaskier walks around the tub to hand Geralt a towel. When Geralt gets up, the water splashing, Jaskier hurries to turn his back. There are lines, and this is one.

He listens. Ruffles. Shuffling. Wet footsteps over a wooden floor. Clothes rustling – a pull. Jaskier turns back around, now that Geralt is wearing pants.

“Well,” Jaskier says, eager to get back to what they were originally talking about, “she loves a human, so what? It can’t be as bad as being hopelessly in love with a witcher, you can be sure of that.”

Geralt, who had just pulled a black shirt over his head, abruptly turns.

“A witcher?” Jaskier freezes. Ah. Fuck.

He spoke the unspeakable. He said the poetically and pathetically unsaid. Another line he promised himself he would never cross. He doesn’t want to test Geralt too much.

He can tell his heartrate speeds up and he hopes against hope Geralt will ignore it, will ignore his sweating hands. Maybe if he just acts casually enough, this can be another thing Geralt tolerates. (Oh, if he could say it, Jaskier would never stop.)

“Don’t be obtuse, Geralt,” Jaskier says quietly.

Geralt flinches backward, a small movement.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He tries to parse Geralt’s reaction, but Geralt is just staring. He’s not taking it well. Maybe he thinks he has to respond, so he’s awkward and trying to find a gentle way to state the obvious. Maybe Jaskier just made it too literal, too personal. So direct that it’s suddenly uncomfortable, when Geralt could overlook all of Jaskier’s other slip-ups.

Laid out like that, Geralt might feel guilty about just accepting it. Even though Jaskier would be more than happy to just continue as they were, giving as much as Geralt would let him. Would it help if Jaskier promised not to mention it again? How can he step back behind that line? How can he swallow the words back down again?

How can he stop Geralt from leaving?

***

Geralt knows he’s giving too much away again, with his idiotic reaction. He should take it in stride, like he does all of Jaskier’s little love affairs. But he can’t move, can’t do anything but look at the fragile human across from him, who just won’t understand what exactly it is Geralt is so afraid of.

(Once you blink out of existence, I’m the one who will have to deal with the damage you’ve done to that wall I built around my heart.)

Geralt can deal with all those lovers who come and go, who are so loveable that it just makes sense Jaskier would leave him for them. But he never thought –

He didn’t expect –

A witcher?

Why would Jaskier love a witcher? Witchers are too brutish, too brutal to be worthy of a love like that. Then again, when he thinks about his friends back at Kaer Mohren, someone like Eskel, yes, it doesn’t seem so strange. Because deep down he’s always known it’s not being a witcher that makes him untouchable. It’s something else, something far more terrifying. Because that makes it his fault. It’s his own fault Jaskier doesn’t like him.

And Geralt should never, ever ask him to. He should get a grip, shake himself out of it and just accept that Jaskier can love a witcher. Just not him.

Act like it’s nothing. Act like it doesn’t matter. It’s just a small incident they can sweep under the rug like every other time Geralt was being a little too much.

“I -”

Geralt has forgotten how to speak.

Each moment he draws it out longer, the less likely it becomes that Jaskier will forgive this overreaction. Not as easily as the last few times.

What if Geralt just asked, why it can’t be him? Could Jaskier forgive that? No. They both know. It’s that Geralt can’t ever get it right, that he’s too harsh, has too many edges. It’s that all of his affections are pitiful, laughable, compared to what Jaskier really deserves.

Okay. Okay. He just needs to calm down. They can walk through this. He tries his best to smooth out his expression.

“I’m sorry.”

Deep breath.

“So, who’s caught your attention now? I didn’t know you’d met another witcher.”

As he says it, it becomes terribly clear all out of a sudden how very replaceable Geralt is. Geralt isn’t giving Jaskier anything he can’t get elsewhere. If this other witcher allows it, Jaskier can just as well travel with them. If Geralt makes it anymore plain what a bad friend he is, Jaskier will leave without hesitation. Especially if Geralt can’t get a grip on his emotions. Jaskier needs to be absolutely sure that Geralt will never make a move that will be embarrassing and uncomfortable for both of them.

But Jaskier’s jaw falls open, almost comically.

“What – what the fuck are you talking about?”

Damn it. Jaskier won’t just let him circumvent the topic then. Geralt has made things too awkward earlier with that long stretch of silence. Being casual won’t do this time.

“Fuck,” he says, looks away. “I’m sorry.”

Forcibly, he drags his eyes back again. Please, he tries to somehow communicate. Please just tolerate it.

“I don’t understand why you’re apologizing.”

Geralt swallows audibly. The statement is a little hard to interpret. Maybe this is Geralt’s olive branch. Jaskier is willing to pretend this little mishap never happened. All Geralt has to do is go along with it and they can be back to normal.

“Hm,” he says.

He’ll go to sleep. Maybe in the morning, Jaskier will go off with his witcher. But maybe he’ll come back in the spring, bored of the witcher like he gets bored of all his other lovers. Geralt has to hang on to that possibility.

“Wait, no -”

Jaskier is suddenly scrambling to get closer. Geralt pauses in his step.

“Wait, wait, wait, conversation not over,” Jaskier says quickly, stops in front of Geralt. “What witcher are you talking about? What the fuck, Geralt?”

“I – your love – I – it doesn’t bother me,” Geralt says, staggeringly unconvincingly.

It is a little strange, now that Geralt thinks about it. Where did Jaskier meet this witcher, and why did Geralt not notice? They’ve been travelling together for weeks. Maybe he met this witcher longer ago. In spring, before they met again. If that’s the case, that means it’s more serious. It’s been on Jaskier’s mind a long time. Fuck.

“Really?” Jaskier asks. “It doesn’t?”

Maybe this is why Jaskier hasn’t told him all this time. He was afraid how Geralt would react, if he would take it badly.

“Oh, thank the gods,” Jaskier lets out a long breath. “I was so worried.”

Geralt nods curtly. Good. He said the right thing, then. Jaskier’s heartbeat quietens down.

“But then, it hasn’t bothered you so far, am I right?” Jaskier gives him a lopsided smirk.

It’s an irritating thing to say. Surely Jaskier noticed that all of his dalliances had bothered Geralt, at least a little. It might be that Jaskier expected more of a reaction out of Geralt because this is more than a dalliance.

“Hm.”

Out of all the people Jaskier could choose to settle down with, why did it have to be a witcher? He wonders if it’s just implied that they won’t keep travelling together. Should he ask? No, better not. That would make it seem like it does bother him. He doesn’t want to put Jaskier off more than he already has.

“Does…” Jaskier seems hesitant, shy even. “Does that mean you don’t mind when I tell you?”

Geralt’s hands clench, but he unclenches them again quickly. No, he does not mind to hear about how much Jaskier loves someone else, about how he is going to leave and live a happy life with them. He doesn’t mind at all.

“No.”

“Wonderful.”

Geralt waits for a beat, certain that Jaskier is about to start gushing about this witcher he met, but it doesn’t come. The conversation seems to be finally over. Jaskier is humming contentedly under his breath while they are getting ready for bed. It’s good. (It’s the last of this Geralt might ever get.)

They have a room with two beds. Geralt lies still and listens to Jaskier’s calm breath.

Jaskier blows out the candle on his bedside table.

“Goodnight, Geralt. Love you.”

…

???

“What?”

“I said, goodnight.”

“After - after that.”

“You said you didn’t mind. You can’t take it back now.”

The light of Geralt’s candle flickers up after a quick use of Igni.

Jaskier is shooting him cautious looks from the other bed.

“You said you didn’t mind,” he repeats.

“I said I didn’t mind if you talked about your witcher,” Geralt says, because it’s the easiest thing to say. This one he knows.

“Stop talking about yourself in the third person, it’s weird.”

Stunned, Geralt sinks against the wall.

“Me?” “Yes, you. Who else would I be talking about?”

Who else, indeed.

“I thought you met someone.”

“Yes, I did, in Posada. You were there.” Jaskier rolls his eyes. “Come on, Geralt, stop playing dumb. You’ve known for years I’m in love with you.”

“You’re in love with me,” Geralt says, dumbstruck.

“Geralt, are you okay? We just had a whole conversation about it.”

Jaskier is sitting up in his bed too now. He looks small in the shadows, even smaller when he draws his legs up. Geralt can only keep watching him.

“Wait, you really didn’t know? You thought I was talking about another witcher?” Geralt nods mutely.

“Oh.”

There is no other witcher. Can that be right? Geralt has a distinct feeling he is misunderstanding something.

“Well, I’m sorry. If you didn’t know,” Jaskier says. His voice has turned very soft. Geralt can feel Jaskier’s gaze on him.

“I didn’t.”

“I thought you did. I really did. But, uhm. I get this is a lot to deal with. If you. If you would like time to process, I could -”

“No.”

“Oh. Good.”

Geralt sits up urgently, swings his legs over the side of the bed. Jaskier is instantly alarmed.

“You don’t have to go,” he rushes to say. “You can just get used to it. Nothing has to change.”

“I just want -” Geralt closes his eyes, takes another deep breath. “It’s hard to say.”

“Whatever you want, really. If – if you want me to leave, I will. Of course.” “No. I.”

He stands up abruptly. Each of his movements is stark and sudden. Why can’t Jaskier just understand him? Why can’t he just say all those things he thought both of them knew, when it was really just him all along? Him, in his head, with a myriad of unfeelable things.

He steps toward Jaskier stiffly, watches Jaskier’s eyes go wider. He climbs onto the bed and presses Jaskier back by his shoulders. Wills him to get it. He searches his eyes, wants so viscerally, so obviously, that Jaskier must see it.

“Oh,” Jaskier mouths. “Is this -”

His hands come up to cup Geralt’s face.

“Yes,” Geralt’s voice doesn’t come out as anything more than a whisper.

“Darling,” Jaskier says, like it’s a revelation.

Geralt needs to tell him. Out of all the things he has never said, this one is burning his tongue. He leans down and presses his lips to Jaskier’s in the half-dark. Jaskier draws his head back only to catch his breath. But it wasn’t good enough. He needs to say more. He needs to tell Jaskier in all the words that he has.

He breathes another kiss to the corner of Jaskier’s mouth, then one against the barely visible dimple on his cheek. Nothing cushions Geralt against the way Jaskier’s hands slide up into his hair and his grip tightens. His hair smells sweet. His eyelids flutter. Love is lighter, now that Jaskier is helping him carry it.

Jaskier lets out a breathless laugh. Geralt wants to catch his pretty smile. He wants to make that smile everyday. He wants to draw up laughter from the bottom of Jaskier’s stomach.

It’s disarming. Geralt is still wearing pants and a shirt, but he feels stripped down. It’s all laid bare now, all those impossible hungers. All forbidden wishes. Each place on Jaskier’s face that Geralt has dreamed of kissing.

Here is something soft, something that has always lived in him. Jaskier has just chiselled away at the stone until he found it and fed it and made it grow into a vast expanse of tender touches and whispered words.

“Is this okay?” Jaskier says quietly.

Okay. Okay is a flavourless four-letter word. It weighs much more than that.

It’s significant. Substantial. It extinguishes sadness swiftly, like an uprising flame just before it can consume everything else.

“It’s beautiful,” Geralt says, because he’s never been particularly good with words. “It’s perfect.”

I want you, I want you, I want you. Aren’t you frightened?

Geralt takes one of his hands from Jaskier’s shoulders and props it up next to Jaskier’s head instead. Looming over him, a threat in the darkness, Geralt keeps his face close to Jaskier’s, his eyes fixed on his eyes, as if to ask him.

Jaskier answers with an cheerful smile.

I’m elated, darling. You have me.

It’s nothing to take. It’s nothing to endure. It’s no weight to crumble under. It’s something to have. Something to share. Something to make real in the dead of night and fantastical at dawn.

It’s the most precious thing Geralt has ever been allowed to have. And it’s a privilege, getting to keep it.

#the witcher fanfic #the witcher fanfiction #geraskier fanfic #geraskier fanfiction #the witcher

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bangtan-sonyeonddaeng · 5 years

Text

|Jungkook Scenario| He likes you but you only see him as a friend

A little bit of angst if you squint but with a happy ending ^^

Jungkook was finding it more and more difficult to hide his growing crush on you. But he was worried you still saw him as a kid. You two had been friends for years. You were older than him, a little more serious and studious than him but otherwise your personalities were identical. You both loved to laugh and have fun, you both had a more playful side. You loved to experience and try new things which is probably why two got along so well. You always kept each other on your toes with what you were going to suggest to do next. Theme park? Bungee Jumping? Sky Diving? You pretty much would do everything together.

It was no wonder Jungkook quickly became attached to you. Not only that but because you were older than him, you seemed to have this natural inclination to take care of him. When he was sick? You were right at his door step with medicine and soup. If he was feeling sad, you were right there with some music and video games to help cheer him up or keep his mind off things. If he was having trouble sleeping, you were always a phone call away and if he was back home you would come over to hold him and he always fell right to sleep.

Yeah, he definitely was in love with you. There was no doubt about that. Everyone seemed to be able to see it except for you. Either that or you just chose to ignore it, not wanting to reject his feelings and hurt him. But it came to a point where he just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

He had been having trouble sleeping and asked you to come over and you did without hesitation. You had made him some hot tea to help him relax and now you both were laying in his bed, him laying on your chest with his arms wrapped around your middle. When you started playing with his hair he was just suddenly hit with such a fondness that he couldn’t keep it in anymore, so he blurted it out.

“I love you, y/n.”

“Aw I love you too!”

“No like... not in a friendly way.” Your hand immediately stops carding through his hair.

“Jungkook please don’t...”

“I can’t hold it in anymore, I’m sorry. I just needed you to know that I have romantic feelings for you. Is there any chance you feel the same way?” You let your hand fall and sigh while staring up at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry... but we’ve been friends for so long it’s hard for me to see you as anything else.” Jungkook’s heart sinks and you hear a quiet sniffle escape him and it breaks your heart to know that you are the cause of his pain.

“What if you did see me as something more?”

“What?”

“What if I make you see that we can be more than friends? What if I show you that I might be young but I can take care of you too. I can be a good man for you. I’m just asking you to give me a chance to do that. If by the end of all this you still feel the same way then I will let it go. But I have to at least try.” It’s quiet for a few moments while you consider his words. Never in a million years did you ever thing Jungkook would like you in a non platonic way. You had only ever seen him as a friend, to see him in a romantic way was difficult to you. He was always just a sweet innocent friend to you. His big doe eyes, sweet bunny smile, they were all very endearing but in a way that was more like you wanted to protect him. But Jungkook was asking you so sincerely you couldn’t say no, you always did have trouble telling him no. You take a deep breath and nod.

“I think you nodded your head but I’m still laying on you so I can’t see you.” You giggle.

“Yes, Jungkook. I’ll give it a chance. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up, okay?”

“Alright, y/n I won’t. But that doesn’t mean I am not going to try my hardest to win your heart.” You place your fingers back in his hair and resume your ministrations.

“Okay, Kookie. Now get some rest, you have a busy day tomorrow.”

And try his hardest he did. He started working out more, and it didn’t go unnoticed by you that now whenever he hugged you, you could feel his back muscles underneath your fingertips. He started taking care of you now. Often showing up at your door with dinner for the two of you and wine. One night after one too many glasses of wine you were shamelessly checking him out and he couldn't help the cocky smirk that spread across his face.

When you two went out together, he insisted on paying and he started taking you to do romantic things together. Like watch the sunset, hold hands walking at the beach, or watching the stars come out together. Overtime you couldn’t deny that maybe your feelings for him were becoming a little less than platonic and that scared you. So you did the only thing you could think of, ask Namjoon and Yoongi. They were very wise even though they were only in their 20′s and you always asked them for advice when you needed it. You stopped by the studio, knowing they were there recording their unit song for their new album. You knocked on Yoongi’s studio door and within a few moments it popped open. He looked surprised to see you.

“Y/n? What are you doing here I thought you were hanging out with Jungkook today?”

“I am but not until later he’s uh.. actually the reason I needed to talk to you both.” Yoongi steps aside and you wave at Namjoon and sit next to him on the couch. You let out a heavy sigh and press your palms to your eyes.

“Y/n what’s up? Everything going okay with you and Jungkookie?”

“It’s going great. Too great. I think I... might... like him.. in a romantic way?”

“Well it’s about damn time!” Yoongi blurts out. Namjoon shoots him a look and he snaps his mouth shut.

“What do you mean? I thought you only liked him as a friend?” You remove your hands and look at them both confused.

“He really didn't tell you his big plan?” They both look at each other just as confused as you are and shake their heads. “Wow okay. Well a few weeks ago he confessed his feelings for me. And I told him that I didn’t return his feelings. that way. But then he asked me to give him a chance to see him as something more. So he starts working out more, dressing in tighter clothes to show off those gorgeous muscles and don’t even get me started on those tattoos of his oh my god-”

“Y/n close your mouth before you start drooling.” Yoongi teases. You grab a pillow off the couch and throw it at him.

“Ignore him. Go on.”

“Anyway. So he starts taking me out on these dates. He insist on paying, he takes me to the beach, holds my hand, takes me star gazing. Like he actually would be a really good boyfriend.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know I’m just having a crisis because for years I have only seen him as a friend and now in such a short time they just changed so rapidly I just.. I dont’ know. What if I go back to only having platonic feelings for him? I don’t want to break his heart.” Namjoon considers your words for a few moments before he speaks.

“Well, honestly you don’t have any way of knowing that unless you try. Jungkook has liked you for a really long time. You should hear the way he talks about you. ‘Nuna is so pretty, and she takes such good care of me. And she’s so sweet to me too. She’d literally be the perfect girlfriend.’”

“And he was so sad when he thought you never would return his feelings. ‘Nuna only sees me as a kid. She’s never going to like me that way hyung.’” Yoongi offers. “He came to me many times venting his frustrations about it all and I did my best to help him. I think I may have pushed him to confess because I told him he’ll never know for sure unless he tries.”

“So should I? Make it official between us then?”

“I think you should. Pardon me if I am overstepping but, have you kissed him yet?” You face turns bright red.

“No..”

“But you’ve thought about it?”

“Muscles.. tattoos... I’ve thought about doing a lot more than that.” Yoongi grabs the pillow you threw at him and tosses it back at you.

“TMI y/n I don’t want to hear your dirty fantasies about my dongsaeng!”

“Sorry sorry!”

“Maybe you should. Kiss him I mean. At the end of your date tonight. See if you feel anything. That might be the best way for you to make sure your feelings are genuine.” You smile and nod.

“Okay that’s actually a really good idea. Thank you, Namjoon!”

“You’re welcome.”

You’re pacing around your apartment nervously waiting for Jungkook to pick you up. You’re worried for how this is going to go. What if you kiss him and you feel nothing but he feels everything. You don’t want to hurt him. Above all else he is still your best friend and to see him hurting and knowing you’re the cause of it would break you. There is a knock on your door and you take a deep breath, standing up straight ready to take on whatever is thrown your way tonight. The moment you open the door and lay your eyes on him every fear you had goes out the window.

He’s wearing tight black skinny jeans that hug his thighs nicely. A belt with a white t-shirt tucked in showing off his small waist that you loved so much. The shirt is tight, and little see-through leaving nothing to your imagination. You can see his abs through the shirt. Then your gaze moves to his arms. The sleeve tattoo adorning his arm being your main focus and before you can stop yourself you reach your hand out and run your fingers over them.

“Um.. y/n?” Your gaze snaps up to his and your breath is taken away by how gorgeous he looks right now. His hair is parted away from his forehead, and he has on a small amount of dark eye shadow that really makes his brown eyes pop.

“I’m sorry I can’t wait until after our date.” You grab him by his shirt and pull him down and press your lips together in an urgent kiss. You feel everything. The way he immediately melts into the kiss, his hands flying up to cup your cheeks and kiss you tenderly. You knew he had to have been waiting a long time for this so the fact that he kissed you so patiently and with care made your heart melt. The butterflies were running rampant in your stomach and your knees were shaking. You felt like you were going to fall over but Jungkook’s strong arms trailed down to your waist and wrapped around there rightly, pulling you closer to him as he deepened the kiss. He tongue swiped along the bottom of your lip and you allowed him entrance without hesitation. Your tongues intertwined together, lips moving against one another and when he finally pulled away he trapped your bottom lip in between his teeth causing you to let out a quiet whimper at the loss of contact. He’s panting, his hair is a mess and his lips are slightly swollen and he looks every bit of beautiful as you could imagine.

“Wow.. Y/n what was that?”

“What do you mean? Where did you learn to kiss like that?!” Jungkook blushes and looks away. “No no don’t you be getting shy on me now. Where did that confidence come from huh?”

“It’s just.. it’s you. I don’t know. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while I never thought you would kiss me so when it happened I just kind of let my body take over..”

“That was the most amazing kiss I’ve ever experienced.” His eyes light up.

“Really? So.. what does this mean then?”

“Well.. you definitely accomplished your goal.”

“Really?! You mean it? You don’t just see me as a friend?”

“I don’t kiss my friends like that, do you?” He blushes and looks away again and you can’t help but find it cute. You place your hand on his cheek and guide his gaze back to yours. “Jungkook.”

“Yes, nuna?”

“Be my boyfriend?”

“Y-yes! Of course. Oh my gosh you have no idea how happy I am right now.” He pulls you into a tight hug and you rest your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat wildly in his chest. You grab one of his hands and place it on your chest where your own heart is beating just as fast.

“Oh I think I have a pretty good idea actually.”

#bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts #jeon jeongguk #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #reader x jungkook #jungkook scenario #jungkook reaction #jungkook imagine

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