#i actually hope his last ex comes back and they get together again and fix everything so that i can move on or smth

[n0thingbutlov3]

need you now | 2 |

in which readers true feelings are revealed.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader warnings/tags: angst again (whoops) miscommunication (it’s short dw) fluff, reader is hungover lol, spencer is handsomely disheveled (moans) mentions of blueberry muffins being readers favourite type of muffin (sorry for not being vague but also if you don’t like blueberry muffins??? why) some tears, some swearing, some kissing, suggestiveness at the end of you squint (WHOOPS *evil smirk*) no use of y/n!! wc: 2.1k a/n: call me slim shady because i am back!!! i procrastinated writing this because i was scared everyone was secretly judging my writing and actually hated it and a second part would be a stupid idea but THEN i realised that was a little bit silly so im here B) part one got over 1000 notes (INSANE) all the support has been so so lovely—every note, reblog, and comment means the world to me, thank you!! i hope this part is okayy, feedback is always appreciated :) i hope you enjoy it you choose to read!!! <3 p.s kissing scenes are so difficult to write, i think i done absolutely awful!!!so let’s ignore that…. if you haven’t already and you’d like to, you can read part one here!

Your eyelids twitched as the early morning sun filtered through your bedroom. What was usually a calming wake-up call now felt like being blinded.

You burrowed your face into your pillow, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to dull the throbbing in your head. This is why you didn’t drink often.

Asides from the obvious headache and nausea, you always seemed to wake up with a sense of dread; ‘hangxiety’—a friend had called it once. It was creeping up on you now, and even though you weren’t sure exactly what you had done, you knew it was bad. You flipped onto your back, fixing your gaze to the ceiling as if it could tell you what irreparable mistakes you had made last night.

It couldn’t, of course. The only thing you had realised is that you should probably coat it in a new layer of paint soon.

“How’re you feeling?”

You shot up, eyes widening at the sight of a man in your doorway. A man whose sleepy voice and disheveled hair threatened to make you melt, but a man who should not be in your doorway, nonetheless; Spencer.

Your brain was quick to supply you with information then, your memory coming back in hazy remnants. You were upset so you…called Spencer for the first time in months. Yikes. He didn’t answer so you turned to a bottle of high end whiskey instead—yikes, again—and passed out on your couch, only to wake up to your ex-boyfriend in your apartment. Cue more sobbing, a pathetic attempt at asking—no, more like begging—him to get back together with you, and that was it. Well, mostly. There was also the promise of discussing your breakdown in the morning. The morning, which was now.

What the fuck.

“Like I’ve been napalmed.” You weren’t sure you were just referring to your raging hangover.

That prompted a raspy kind of chuckle from him and Jesus Christ—you really shouldn’t have called, because it was going to be infinitely harder to watch him leave when he inevitably told you you were sad loser who needed to get a grip and move on—except, he’d be a lot nicer than that, wouldn’t he? Because even if things were over between you, he was still the sweetest person you had ever met and he’d never say anything to intentionally hurt you. Maybe things would be easier if he did. If he wasn’t so sickeningly perfect—if he just insulted you in the way you were certain you deserved, then maybe you’d get over him quicker.

“So, I-ah-uber’d breakfast—“

Your inner turmoil came to a screeching halt at those words.

“You uber’d? You?”

He scoffed, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“The team’s been very into it lately and I always finish my paperwork first so it only makes sense that I—stop laughing! I can uber!”

“Sorry! I just can’t imagine the great Doctor Reid stooping to the levels of a fast food delivery app. Do you ever order to the wrong place?”

“No.” he said, unconvincingly. “Well, only once—“

You were laughing again.

He whined, turning on his heel.

“Just take your aspirin and hurry up!” He grumbled petulantly as he left the room, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

After a quick freshen up and taking the pills placed on your bedside table—as per his request—you padded through to the living room, joining Spencer on the couch.

You gasped delightedly as he pulled out muffins from a brown paper bag. To be more specific, blueberry muffins; your favourite.

“Did you know that blueberries are good for fighting hangovers? They’re rich in vitamin C, which helps break down and metabolise blood alcohol. Muffins too, they—what? Do I have something on my face—“

“No! No, sorry,” You had been caught staring—ogling, more like. “I just missed…that.”

“What? My incessant rambling?” He was joking, but you could hear the insecure twinge in his voice—the one that told him he was too much. Over the course of your relationship, you had showed him that he didn’t have to think like that around you—that he was never too much; he was perfect in your eyes. You hated that he doubted that now.

“Yes, actually.” You tried to keep your tone light, unserious. But there was nothing unserious about just how badly you had missed the man sitting beside you. How you could hear his voice in your mind when you drove late at night, giving you statistics on accidents. Or how on other late nights, you swore you could feel his hands ghosting over your skin—only to find out it was your imagination.

If he could see how truthful you were being, he didn’t acknowledge it, turning his attention back to the coffee table.

“I’ll, um, save you the facts on how beneficial coffee is for hangovers, anyway.” He smiled awkwardly, shuffling a paper coffee cup to where your muffin sat.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, “for the coffee, not the withholding of information—i’m a real fiend for coffee facts…especially when they’re related to curing hangovers!” You said a little too cheerily, trying to alleviate the awkward tension. Although, that only seemed to make it worse.

Spencer just huffed out a little laugh in response, taking the wrapper off of his muffin.

The rest of breakfast went by in silence. Not the comfortable silence you always seemed to have with Spencer—when you were together, you reminded yourself—but a strained one. The kind of silence that occurs when there’s something left unsaid, and you’re just waiting for someone to spit it out.

Spencer broke first.

“So we should probably talk…about last night.”

You finished the remainder of your coffee, setting the empty cup down before turning your whole body to Spencer, tucking your legs up underneath you.

“Right, yeah…”

A beat passed, Spencer’s eyes darting around your face—assessing you.

For someone who had imagined this conversation in your mind countless times, you certainly weren’t saying much.

“I—uh…was very drunk.”

Something in him shifted, like he was putting up imaginary walls.

“So you didn’t mean…any of it?” His brow furrowed, his nose twitching slightly.

“Well no, but I—“ You what? Meant every word you said and more? You couldn’t just say that. You had just got a small part of Spencer back and you didn’t want to ruin it by coming on too strong.

He waited for you to add something, anything, to show him that maybe, maybe there was a tiny part of you that still wanted him as badly as he wanted you. But you didn’t. You just sat there, playing with the fabric of your—his—t-shirt.

He couldn’t do it.

He was so tired of loving people only for them to leave like he had meant nothing to them. Was that all he was to you? Someone you could call when your inhibitions were lowered, looking for comfort? He would do anything to be back in your life again, but he couldn’t be a person of convenience; someone you only wanted when you were lonely.

He ran a hand through his hair, swallowing down the tightness in his throat.

“You were drunk and you got carried away, I get it. I think I better go though—“

“What? No, I—“ You bobbed your mouth like a fish, trying to find the words necessary to keep him here. There were too many of them and yet none at all. None except for three. Three words that you wished you had the courage to say months ago, or weeks ago, or last night. But you never claimed to be a courageous person, and you weren’t about to spill your heart out again only for it to end up in rejection.

Spencer stood, making his way to your bedroom to grab his shoes and coat. He didn’t care about his other clothes, he could buy more—he just needed out before he broke.

You sat dumbfounded on the couch, willing yourself to do something, say something. It was like you were frozen. And you stayed frozen. As Spencer shuffled around your bedroom, as he returned to the living room—completely avoiding your gaze—even as he searched for his keys. You hadn’t realised he had driven over here. He didn’t usually drive unless he had to get somewhere urgently. Were you someone worth seeing urgently to him?

He picked up his keys, heading for your door and only then did you realise how dire the situation was. If he left now you weren’t sure he would ever come back.

“No—wait, Spencer!” You stammered, lunging off the couch to try and stop him. He unlocked the door, moving to leave when you grabbed onto his jacket sleeve.

“Please don’t—I love you!”

“What?”

He turned to face you and you noticed just how wrecked he looked—not at all dissimilar from how you had for the last few months. Had he looked like that the whole time?

You must’ve been staring because when you came back to your senses he was calling your name exasperatedly.

“Do you mean it?”

You were fed up living like this; harbouring so much love for someone and not being able to express it. Even if he didn’t love you back, even if he was over you, you couldn’t go another moment without at least telling him how you felt.

“Yes,” you heaved, “I love you—I never stopped loving you, I was just…” You knitted your brows together, unsure how to phrase what you were feeling.

“I’ve never loved someone the way I love you and that’s…terrifying. I thought the way I felt was wrong, like—when you were on cases, I missed you so much, more than I thought humanely possible and—well, I never wanted to be the kind of girl to base her happiness on another person because that’s how you get hurt. So, I thought the only way to combat that was by…distancing myself. I thought if you weren’t in my life anymore then I’d be able to get a grip and become more independent—“ you huffed, trying to stop the wobble of your voice. “but it didn’t work, because then I was just missing you twice as much, except I couldn’t see you at all—“

“You could’ve answered my messages, we could’ve—“

“So you could return your key? Then things would actually be over. Why do you think I ignored your messages?”

“Why do you think I kept messaging? Angel, I was never going to return that key—at least not willingly—I just wanted to see you, to see if you were doing just as horribly without me as I was without you. You know, I couldn’t even focus on cases—Hotch even suggested I take some time off.”

You frowned, your voice impossibly small. “I’m sorry.”

He took a step toward you, cupping your cheeks in his hands.

“Don’t apologise, you were dealing with your emotions in the best way you knew how. I just wish…” he swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. “I wish I hadn’t let you go so easily.”

His eyes were shining and—God, you wished you could take it all back. All the pain you had caused him, caused yourself, just because you were too scared to talk about your feelings.

“I wish I hadn’t left.” You blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes. “Y’know, I read a book on astrophysics because it reminded me of you. I didn’t understand any of it but I couldn’t put it down. I still—“ you let out a watery chuckle. “still have it in my bedroom somewhere.”

Spencer smiled, swiping under your eye at a tear that must’ve escaped.

“Yeah? Maybe I can read it to you—help you understand it.”

“I’d like that.”

You didn't know much about celestial bodies or the ultimate fate of the universe, but you could've sworn you'd seen the stars pictured in that book in Spencer’s eyes when he looked at you.

“Say it again.” He mumbled, tilting his head down so that your faces were just inches apart.

“I love you.”

And then his lips were on yours, impossibly soft and everything you had been missing since you had broken up. He kissed you like you were the oxygen he needed and all you could do was sigh into him because you knew the feeling.

He leaned back all too soon, resting his forehead against yours.

“Well, I should probably go—“ He smirked, but you cut him off before he could continue his teasing.

“You’re not funny.”

He narrowed his eyes, sucking his teeth.

“I don’t know, I—“

You pressed a firm hand on his chest, bunching the cotton of his t-shirt into a fist.

“Stop. Stay—we can have a pyjama day and maybe for dinner, you can show me just how tech savvy you’ve become and uber us some food—“

He rolled his eyes, kicking the door shut before pressing his lips to yours with more force this time.

“Stop talking.”

[lovecrazedpup]

mmmm jamie moment

[zepskies]

Dream With Me - Part 2

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-sized!Reader (Latina)

Summary: When your asshole ex-boyfriend calls for help on a case, you have a tough decision to make. But Dean isn’t going to let you do anything alone. AKA: The last hunt you, Sam, and Dean will ever go on together.

[Set in 15x20]

AN: Yes, that barn scene. 🫣

(In case you missed it, here's Part 1.)

Word Count: 3.4K

Tags/Warnings: Protective Dean (and angry Dean), blood and violence, angst, and a big twist…

☕ Midnight Espresso Masterlist

Part 2: “We Can Fix This”

The vampires leave you and Carter alone after a while.

You two are the convenient bait, literally chained to your chairs. You’re so irate, you can’t even look at him. His head hangs low, with his chin nearly meeting his chest.

“I’m sorry I got you into this,” he says again. 

“I don’t care,” you flatly reply. 

Carter grimaces. “I didn’t know any other way to get them here. I figured the three of you could hold your own.”

At that, you finally turn your head towards him. 

“But you sold out your own. You sold me out,” you say. “What kind of man are you?”

Not the one you thought, is the answer. 

The problem is, you still need him if you're going to get out of this.

Once you’re able to see past your anger, you two begin to brainstorm on how to escape your restraints. Carter has been working on his for much longer than yours, but his hands are still too large to slip through the thick ropes. Your ankles are tied to the chair as well.

You turn your chair backwards towards him, careful to not let the chair’s legs scrape too badly against the ground. You’re forced to touch hands with him in order to slide him the small knife you hide in the sleeve of your jacket. 

It takes several minutes of quiet sawing, but after a while, he’s finally able to free his hands, then more quickly his legs. He’s about to start on you when you both hear footsteps drawing near the stairs. You and Carter lock eyes. 

“Don’t leave me here,” you whisper instinctively. Carter puts the little knife back into your hand and closes your hand over it. Right about now, you wish you could reach his neck with it.  

“We can’t take them all. I’ll get help,” he says.

You suck in a breath as you realize it. He really is about to leave you. 

“They need you alive as bait more than they need me. You’ll be fine,” he says.

“Carter, you dick,” you hiss. Tears sting behind your eyes, but you blink to try and keep them at bay. You’ll never admit it, but your fear of fangs and the clammy, undead hands of vampires runs deep.

Carter sees your fear, and he can’t help himself; he frames your face with his hands for a quick second, despite the way you glare at him and pull your head away, trying to evade his touch. His eyes hide the depths of his regret, but he doesn’t have time to say anything more.

He leaves you, ducking out the back entrance to the barn that leads into the woods.

“What’s going on?” Jenny says, as she comes down the stairs. Her face falls when she sees Carter’s empty chair. 

“What the hell?!” she shouts. Two of the men in her nest come running out to meet her. She gives one of them an order to run after Carter. 

Her attention snaps to you. “I’m guessing you helped your boyfriend escape?”

You don’t answer her at first as she draws near, but inside, you’re trembling a bit. You have an idea of what’s coming. Nevertheless, you try to remain stoic. Strong.

“Not my boyfriend,” you reply. Jenny cocks her head.

“Oh, that’s right. He betrayed you, and now he's left you in the hands of monsters,” she says. She holds her hands on her hips. “You must be the most gullible woman in the world.”

Your lips thin into a line. “Or you’re just stupid enough to leave a couple of hunters alone. You better damn hope he doesn’t find Sam and Dean. Even when they don’t know what’s coming, they should be the stuff of your nightmares. But when they’re prepared?”

You lick your dry lips and give Jenny a grim smile, with more confidence than you actually feel.

“Say goodbye to your family,” you say.

After a beat, Jenny smiles tightly and grabs your face. Her nails bite into your cheeks and make you wince.  

“All right, Nate. You can have a taste,” she says.

She steps to the side as one of the larger backup dancers in her little entourage draws near. Jenny wrenches your head back by your hair, so he can lean in and bite into your neck. Your scream reverberates on the barn walls.

Sam and Dean left the car parked closer to the main road. They’re prepared for anything as they trek through the woods, with silver bullets in their guns and machetes strapped to their belts, along with witch killing bullets in their pockets for good measure. 

Sam has pinpointed not just an estimate of your location, but also those coordinates as a few minutes away by foot. With their long strides, they can hopefully reach you soon.

“Wait,” Dean says, stopping his brother with a hand on his arm. “I hear something coming.”

Sam hears it too. Quick footsteps running on the crunch of dead leaves.

Carter comes stumbling from between the trees, out of breath, but still on the run while another man gains on him. When Carter sees Sam and Dean, his eyes widen with recognition. 

“Vampires!” he shouts at them. 

The brothers immediately switch from guns to the machetes on their belts. Dean reaches the vampire first, but he ducks the initial swing of Dean’s blade. It’s a quick scuffle, in which Sam manages to behead the creature. Blood sprays across Sam’s chest as the body falls to the ground.

Dean’s angry gaze shifts to Carter, who’s catching his breath. Dean doesn’t give him a chance to recover when he grabs the man by his collar. He pins him up to the nearest tree, hard, and holds his blade up to Carter’s neck, even though the man raises his hands in surrender.

“All right, all right!” Carter exlaims.

“Where is she?” Dean demands.

“A nest of vamps, in a barn up and over the hill. They took her, they’ve got her,” Carter says.

Dean wars between processing that, and becoming fucking furious.

“You left her there?!” he growls. Sam’s face furrows as well in anger, though he watches his brother out of the corner of his eye.

“Just let me explain!” Carter says. 

Dean tightens the edge of his machete against the other man’s throat.

“Talk fast,” he warns.

“They’re waiting for you and Sam,” Carter says. “They nabbed me on account of you two assholes. That’s why they took her, so you’d have to come to them.”

Dean’s jaw locks. He glances at Sam, who’s just as angry as him. He’s just better at keeping a handle on it.

“So wait, lemme get this straight,” Dean says, as he continues to put the pieces together in his mind. He tips the end of the machete towards Carter’s chest. “They grabbed you up. So you called her, brought her into this, to save your own damn skin?”

Carter sighs harshly. 

“Look, I know I’m going to hell. But the longer we stand around here waiting for you to do mental math, the longer they’ve got her alone,” he says. “I managed to get free, but I didn’t have time to get her out with me. So I left to find you.”

Dean's anger burns under his skin, but he lets Carter off the tree, just to turn him around and point the machete at his back. It’s reminiscent of years past, when a far darker blade used to fit all too well in Dean's right hand. 

“Walk,” he barks the order. “Any twitchy moves, and my Christmas comes early.”

You've slipped in and out of consciousness, but finally you garner the strength to blink your eyes awake. Jenny had been watching you up until a few minutes ago, giving you reprieve when she went into the back room to join her nest. 

You heave a shaky sigh and wince at the pain emanating from your neck. You have a gaping bite wound that still oozes blood with every infinitesimal movement of your head. 

Fuck. You really hate vampires. 

You won’t bleed out, probably, but the situation isn’t good. You have no idea if Carter will come back, or if Sam and Dean even know how to find you. 

You try to remember that they’re masters at the impossible, and this is certainly not the biggest challenge you three have ever faced. Hell, if you could survive getting dusted by God, then you can survive a nest of flea-bitten vamps.

Wincing with strain, you try to twist your wrists under this rope so you can start sawing at it with your little knife. All the while, your thoughts inevitably bring you back to Dean.

You regret snapping at him. Because his instincts were right, yet again. You had trusted Carter the slightest bit, and he’d proved to you, yet again, that he's an even bigger piece of shit than you took him for. 

A door quietly creaks open, and you’re able to turn your head in that direction. Your eyes widen in surprise when you see Sam and Dean. Your breath escapes you.

And that’s when Dean’s eyes lock on you. He hastens over to you first, with Sam following right behind. Carter comes in after them, but all you can focus on is Dean. There’s relief written across his furrowed face when he kneels beside you and immediately starts cutting at the ropes that bind your hands with his machete. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, rushed, but purposeful when he meets your gaze.  

“Hey,” you whisper back, with a hint of a smile, despite your eyes that shine with both relief and unshed tears.

“You okay?” he asks gruffly. 

“Yeah,” you reply, even if you don’t entirely mean it.

Dean touches your cheek and wipes a tear there. He then tilts his head to take a better look at the glaring bite on your neck. He grimaces and lets out an angry exhale, his jaw clenching, but he finishes cutting through the ropes. 

When your hands are finally free, you hiss in relief, rubbing some of the sting out of them. It allows you to reach for his face and bring him in for a quick, but hard kiss. And then another for good measure.

Dean accepts them, briefly savoring them with his eyes closed, but he has to shift his attention as he starts on the ropes around your ankles next. 

Neither of you notice the way Carter looks away from the scene. He feels out of place, and even hides a thread of jealousy deep down. 

Meanwhile, Sam keeps watch with his machete at the ready. He gestures at Carter to keep an eye on the stairs leading to the second floor while he watches the door to the back room. 

When you’re completely free, Dean helps you stand. He steadies you with an arm around your waist when you sway a bit on your feet. You’ve lost enough blood that it’s a problem, but you assure him wordlessly that you just need a moment. Then, you give him a nod, and he starts to move with you towards the door. 

But danger comes—just not from upstairs or the back room.

The vampires swarm in from both entrances to the barn. 

A fight ensues, in which Dean’s top priority is keeping you safe, and yours is making sure his blind spots are covered. Your main problem is that you don’t have a weapon, and neither does Carter. He eventually gets beat down, while Sam and Dean are also overpowered, and you’re all but thrown to the ground.

Jenny comes in right as Carter and Dean are pinned down beside one another by three vampires.

“Wait…I know you,” Dean realizes. It takes him another moment, but soon he’s able to connect the familiar face with a name.

“Jenny.” The name falls from his lips in wonder. It’s been fifteen years, but he almost never forgets a face. He smirks, giving a cocky look to the vampires holding him down.

“We tried to kill each other back in the day. Ain’t that a bitch?”

“That’s all you remember?” Jenny asks, raising a brow. “Do you remember Luther and Kate?”

Dean has to wrack his brain, but it does trigger a memory of how his dad shot Luther, a centuries’ old vampire, with the Colt.

“Well, if I remember right, we left Kate alive,” he says, maintaining a cocky quirk of his brow. “Eh, bit sloppy, but we were young. What’re ya gonna do?”

He notices you on the ground behind Kate. You’re inching towards a scythe from the collection of rusty farming equipment that spans each corner of the barn. Slowly, your hand wraps around the farming tool.

Jenny’s face becomes grim, and even colored with pain.

“Yeah, well, Kate got reckless. It wasn’t long before another hunter found us. She saved me,” she says. “But because of you, she lost the only man she ever loved. And I lost my sister.”

Jenny smiles, and it’s all fangs.

“So today, I get dibs.”

With a short yell of strain, you heft the heavy scythe and behead Jenny.

The distraction gives Sam an opening to get ahold of his own dropped machete. He beheads one of the vampires that’s holding Dean. He and Carter are then able to break free of the other two in order to keep fighting.

However, Nate, the vampire that bit you, is drawn to your scent—to the blood from your open wound. He sniffs the air, and his gaze finds you with a smirk. 

He grabs your scythe, and with a force that stuns you, he twists it out of your grip and backhands you hard. You cry out and stumble to the ground. Before he can take advantage of it, Dean grabs the vampire’s arm and punches him. 

Nate grapples with him, his larger frame and enhanced strength allowing him to push Dean back. The two are headed for a large wooden support beam. As you pick yourself up from the floor, you think you see something protruding from the beam. It sends up a flare in your subconscious. 

So when Nate starts bulldozing Dean back like a linebacker, you use what strength you have to charge at the vampire. Your body collides with his side, and the two of you crash onto the dusty ground. 

Dean falls hard against the beam, but he trips back at a lower angle. He cracks his head against the wood and slides down to the ground onto his seat. He’s winded, probably half-concussed, but when he looks up and over his shoulder, he sees a long piece of rebar sticking out of the beam. He just barely missed it.  

Well, fuck me, he thinks. 

Nate elbows you off of him and knocks you onto the ground, where he grabs your hair and yanks your head to the side. You wince in pain as you struggle and push against his chest, but it’s no use. He’s got you pinned. His fangs descend.

Until Dean takes hold of him by the shoulders and bodily hefts him off of you. It gives you a chance to breathe and scramble to your feet. Nate punches Dean solidly across his face, keeping him occupied. 

You look around for any weapon you can use. You see a flash of silver on the ground a few feet away, and you realize it’s Dean’s forgotten machete. You attempt to get by the vampire to grab it, but Nate catches you with the edge of his backhand. 

You stumble, though you don’t entirely go down as you try to catch your breath. While Dean is trying to hold him back by his arm, Nate kicks you in the side, sending you crashing toward what looks like an old weedwhacker. Except, it’s mostly made of metal.

You fall onto it hard.

Meanwhile, Dean finally sees the machete he dropped. He picks it up and gives an instinctive, powerful swing. It decapitates Nate, and the large body falls to the ground with a heavy thump.

Dean heaves for breath afterward. He looks over and sees that Sam and Carter have finished up with the others. 

Dean turns back to find you, and he notices that you’re still sprawled out against some farming tools. 

“Hey, you okay?” he asks. He goes to you and grabs your arm to help you up, but you stop him with a hiss. 

“Wait, wait, Dean,” you raise a hand at him.

You look up at him with panic in your eyes. You have a white-knuckle grip on an iron handle.

When you try to push your body up, Dean realizes, with no small amount of horror, that you’re stuck.

You’ve fallen straight onto a rusty, circular blade. 

Dean immediately lowers to his knees beside you. His hand grips your shoulder. 

“Oh, God,” you utter. “I can’t move.”

Dean takes maybe half a beat, before his brain kicks into high gear. 

“Sam!” he barks. 

Hearing the urgency in his brother’s voice, Sam rushes over on your other side. His eyes are wide when he realizes what’s happening, but he meets Dean’s steely gaze.

Together they maneuver the saw in such a way that it allows you to raise up to your knees, despite your whimpers of pain. Already small streams of blood fall from your body and down the side of the blade.

Sam and Dean share a knowing look. They really shouldn’t take out the blade until they get you to a hospital, but this tool is too damn big. There’s no way to stabilize you.

“Okay, it’s okay…we’re gonna have to take this out so we can get you to the car,” Dean says, rubbing a hand over his mouth. It’s a nervous tick you know well. You nod in agreement, even though you know this is about to hurt like fucking hell.

Sam braces you from behind, while Dean takes the saw by the handle and carefully takes the blade out of your side. Your scream echoes horribly in the barn, making his jaw lock and his body tense up even more, but he carries through with his task. Once the blade is free, Dean tosses it away. 

Sam lays you down and takes off his jacket and his outer layer of plaid, as does Dean. One of the shirts is bundled like packing, to press against your gaping wound, while the other flannel is used to keep it all tied tightly around your waist. It’s white-hot agony all throughout the process, and you definitely black out for a few moments, your eyelids fluttering shut.

When you do come to, you try your best to contain your pain—and work through the way your head is swimming toward falling into shock. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. We gotcha,” Dean murmurs. His hands work as quickly as possible while trying not to do more damage to your body.

All the while, Carter watches in worry. 

Once you’re as wrapped up and stabilized as you can be, you, Sam, and Dean realize that both flannels are slowly being soaked with your blood. Dean wastes no time in positioning you in his arms. Sam helps him raise you off the ground, but Dean takes you fully and starts to carry you out of the barn. Sam opens the door for him and follows Dean’s lead, with Carter in tow.

You manage to raise your head enough to look up at Dean. He looks down on you, noting that your normally tan face is already far too pale. And still, the right side of your neck is bloody and raw. 

“You’re really gonna carry me all the way to the car?” you ask weakly. 

“You got a problem with that?” Dean retorts, with an attempt at a smile. 

His voice is steady, but you see everything in his eyes. You see the depths of his worry, and his fear. For once, you don’t know how to soothe him. You grab onto the front of his black undershirt and rest your head against his chest, just trying to keep your eyes open. 

“You’re gonna be fine, baby,” he says. “We can fix this. Just stay with me, okay?”

You feel his lips press a quick kiss to your forehead.

You try your best to believe him. 

AN: ...Well, sort of "fixed" it?

I know, I know, I'm sorry. 🫣 But trust me, we're not done yet...

Next Time:

Dean’s heartbeat pounds in his ears.

By the time the four of you reach the Impala, you’re in a cold sweat, pale, and barely conscious. Dean unlocks the car and carefully seats you on one side of the backseat, while Sam hurries to the other side. He then helps guide you in as Dean maneuvers you into laying across the backseat. Sam’s going to stay with you for the ride to the hospital.   

“Watch her head,” Dean warns, his tone sharp. 

“I got her,” Sam assures. He holds you securely against his chest, with your head tucked under his chin.

Dean lets out an unsteady breath. When he turns around, Carter’s standing too close, peering at you anxiously. 

“Get her to a hospital—” he starts to say, but Dean’s blood-stained fist cuts off his words, cracking against his jaw.

Dean put all his strength into that one.

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 3 (Finale!)

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Series Masterlist

Dean Winchester Series

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Dean W. Tag List (Part 1):

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms

@foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @roseblue373 @rizlowwritessortof

@this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma

@iprobablyshipit91 @melancholictearz @nic-kolas @sanscas @sleepyqueerenergy

@wayward-lost-and-never-found @thewritersaddictions @just-levyy @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @twinkleinadiamondsky

@anticxrrupt @lacilou @adoringanakin @theonlymaninthesky @teehxk

@midnightmadwoman @brianochka @branj19 @agalliasi @venicesem

@chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @deansbbyx

@candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @deanfreakingwinchester

@chernayawidow @beskarfilms @mimaria420 @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @waywardxwords

[aziraphales-library]

Hello, thank you for the work you put into this blog. It might be a bit early, but are there any S2 fix-it recs yet?

Hi! We have a plentiful #fix-it tag now! Here are some more to add...

you're the victim of your crime by JustNerdyThings (T)

It's a simple decision, really. It's simple in the way things rarely are, in that it's not much of a decision at all. Whatever Aziraphale might stand to gain by staying in Heaven, it cannot possibly compare to what he's already lost down on Earth. So Aziraphale leaves. He miracles up his letter of resignation, pretends to clear out his still-empty desk, and leaves. And he hopes against hope that somehow, someday, Crowley might forgive him.

hungry work by CCs_World (E)

“You must understand,” Aziraphale had whispered. He was on the doorstep of the bookshop, months after his departure, looking in at Crowley — disheveled, both of them. Broken, both of them. Afraid, both of them. Hopeful, both of them. “I understand, Aziraphale,” Crowley had said back. They had stretched out a hand to Aziraphale. “Come on. Let’s think of a plan together.” And they had. Somehow, miraculously, ineffably, a second apocalypse had been averted. Heaven and Hell were cut off. They were free — truly free. And they had all the time in the universe. So, naturally, they left London. OR: After the Second Coming does not Come, Crowley and Aziraphale move to the South Downs. However, living together is difficult when there are over 6000 years of tension between them - tension which must be resolved if they are to have their happily ever after.

Trembling with tenderness by HolRose (T)

When the former demon Crowley is surprised in his Mayfair flat by a visit from his erstwhile boss and their ex-Archangel partner asking for assistance, Crowley has that familiar sinking feeling that something he did in the past has come back to bite him on the arse. When the current Supreme Archangel materialises in his flat shortly afterwards, Crowley knows the time has come for them to really talk at last. Just as soon as they’ve got rid of their visitors, that is. A post Season 2 fix-it fic in which they communicate properly, and Aziraphale demonstrates just how crafty, and also loving, he can be. This is one for those who might like something genuinely soft and romantic after the ending to Season 2.

We'll make Heaven a place on Earth by arabellas_court (E)

Aziraphale unfolded the piece of paper slowly beneath the horrid lighting. He cleared his throat and looked around, the corners of his mouth faltering just a second when he landed on Crowley. He looked down at the paper. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth—” “Jesus Christ,” Crowley grumbled. “No, dear, he came later, remember?” ------ Crowley knows his worth. He can't take Aziraphale back immediately after how hurt he's been. And for once, Aziraphale has to work for that forgiveness. Both of them are a mess. Both of them go to therapy—unexpectedly, together. Angst with a happy ending.

Snogging on Heaven's Door by Tetrisbiene (M)

What if Aziraphale actually said, 'Do it again. Please. Right now!'? A Post-Season 2 Fanfic. Aziraphale has to go to Heaven to thwart the Second Coming, and Crowley just can't let him go alone. Follow the pair as they meet old and new faces, go to heavenly meetings, sow mischief, and tempt some angels to fall in love with humanity. May the two find a flat surface to talk things over with each other before this big promotion can tear them apart. This is the story of our ineffable idiots in a roller coaster ride of emotions, heavenly bureaucracy, and stolen kisses against doors. Have some angst, some stupid puns in the chapter titles, and an elevator ride that's basically an excuse for me to write a cheesy alternative ending to help me get over the actual finale.

In the cracks of light, I dreamed of you by sunrisesinthesuburbs (T)

Aziraphale stares back at the Metatron with renewed optimism. “I know where my loyalty stands, Sir,” he starts, even managing a small smile. “And I do not need to prove myself to them. When the Time comes, they will enjoy what I’ve been working on.” He sounds convincing, really. Honest, reliable and responsible. Crowley decides this is a good time to whistle: “Someone’s getting all professional up here.” Aziraphale dares to peep in his direction, hoping to convey with one brief look everything he is thinking about: ‘Shut up, will you? I’m trying to do something here.’ Crowley smirks, of course. He really is so annoying. “Well, Aziraphale, you may not need to prove yourself to them,” the Metatron reaches for something inside his jacket, “but you need to prove yourself to me.” Aziraphale fails Heaven's test (of course), and now he has to fix an even bigger mess. Throw a messy break up and a Second Coming in the mix and, somehow, you get a getaway car and a cottage in the South Downs. A lot can happen in a day. (Post Season 2; my very own attempt at fixing things.)

- Mod D

[seeingstarks]

the cream on the cake wants to escape

summary : being newly signed to all elite wrestling, you don't know many people and expect no one to show up to your birthday party but end up with company of the devil himself and mr. best in the world. pairing : mjf x cm punk x plus size afab!reader cw : cursing, many sexual innuendos, teasing, breast grabbing/kneading, daddy/babygirl/daddy dynamic, implied cmjf references, thigh riding, cock/clit teasing, begging, male masturbation, blowjobs, dirty talk, double penetration, creampies, butt-plugs, slight bondage, ass slapping, utter filth. a/n : my birthday is in three days and with cm punk coming back soon i just had to whip something up also i love cmjf but basically this is something small i made for myself. i hope you all enjoy it though and as always reblogs are very much appreciated!! my ask box might be open soon for drabbles as i'm slowly getting the inspo for writing again. <3 there may be a few spelling/punctuation errors. word count : 2,518 words tag list : @josiewrites , @baysexuality

some of the talent backstage had their suspicions when you became apart of bullet club gold in just a matter of months after being signed to all elite wrestling.

the rumours began to spread, hushed whispers down the halls the moment you left a room. there was no getting away from your ex - however none of them knew what actually happened.

you carefully hand-wrote each invitation to your birthday party being held later that night, allowing everyone to bring a plus one. in each envelope corner you curled a cursive letter heart with your initials on it.

not knowing many people at all elite, you felt doubt that anyone would come. if you had known more people maybe they would have thrown you a surprise party instead of doing one for yourself.

with a sigh you sat down at catering after grabbing a boxed cupcake juice robinson gave you earlier but didn't have time to sit down and eat until now.

glancing around, not many seemed to even care or notice it was your birthday. they were either too wrapped up in their own lives or didn't see you sitting all alone.

pulling out a lighter from your jacket pocket you attempted to ignite the flame a few times but had no luck. "seriously, the one time where things go to absolute shit and it's my birthday!?" you cursed out weight shifting as you felt someone's presence next to you.

anyone but him. "how is my switchblade babe doin', aye? need a light?" jay questioned with a smirk before pulling out his lighter and igniting the candle on the cupcake as if it were nothing.

you rolled your eyes before even taking a glance at jay, "didn't need your help, and don't call me that. we're not together anymore. don't even know why we're in a stable together." you crossed your arms at your ex.

"wow.. last time i help a friend out. well, i'll leave ya' be then." jay stood up and walked away while you took the wrapper off your cupcake and took a bite from the sweet treat.

a single tear fell down from the corner of your eyelid, today of all days you felt most lonely. the salty liquid ran all the way down to your lips and you didn't want anyone to see you crying. luckily bullet club gold wouldn't be needing the locker room today as you booked it and locked the door behind you.

the rest of the day seemed to go by at an agonizingly slow pace, you began to set up pastel decorations and blew up a few balloons as the clock ticked down nearing the time for guests to arrive.

walking into the washroom, you fixed up your h/c hair and brushed it off to the side while fixing your black dress which hugged your curves perfectly. not having the time to put a bra on or even caring about it, you shrugged while looking in the mirror and threw a light jean jacket on over the dress while slipping on a pair of combat boots, comfort and style.

once ready, you took a seat on the sofa and waited a good ten minutes before someone knocked on the door, "coming!!"

once seeing who was in your doorway your mouth fell agape, so many questions filling your mind but words unable to form.

"you 'gonna just stand there or welcome me in, i'll move ya' if i have too." shaking your head, you simply giggled and stepped aside.

"how- when- where?" you questioned and raised an eyebrow while looking the chicago native up and down who did indeed age like fine wine.

"okay.. see lemme' explain. me and uh- let's say a co-worker of mine paid off the others not to come in order for you to have a special night, that is... if you want."

you punched phil on the chest, who didn't flinch the slightest. the chicago native pretending to be hurt and scrunching up his face, "ouch that hurt soooo much."

"i was crying earlier and this so called co-worker of yours is nowhere to be seen!" you yelled at him and punched the man once again.

"shhh, babygirl. there he is." your eyes left his and looked up to meet with a pair of dark hues belonging to the devil himself who locked the door behind him.

"aw, are you two getting started without me?" maxwell asked.

gulping thickly you hid you your face in the crook of the chicago native's neck, your cheeks starting to heat up the moment phil wrapped his large hands around your waist and gave a slight squeeze.

"so brave before and now look at her hiding... we're gonna' have fun with you tonight, such a shy doll isn't that right?" maxwell taunted and approached the two of you, the heat of his breath running down your own neck sending chills down your spine, "but tonight is all about the birthday girl.. tomorrow me and phil have our fun.. that is if you can still walk by the time we're done."

stepping away from phil momentarily, you allowed him to still hold your hips as you looked up at him with a soft smile. "well... i've always wanted to try thigh riding.." you admitted shyly while glancing between the two men as they each shared a knowing look which could only mean trouble.

"oh? whose thigh do you wanna ride first?" phil pulled you in closer, rubbing his hands along your curves and pressing his growing hard on up against you, "look what you're doing to me already baby.."

maxwell smirked as another pair of hands went behind your figure, going under your shirt and massaging your breasts as you let out a soft moan for the devil, "fuck- not wearing a bra, is that just for daddy?" he asked and pinched your nipples causing a whine to escape your lips all at the same time when phil brushed the tip of his cock up against your clothed entrance.

"n-no it mm- happened by coincidence but i will make sure to wear em' less for both my daddies." you responded with a grin.

"did you hear that phil? she's got two daddies now- will be fun adding a chick into our little adventures, hm?" max questioned the chicago native who simply nodded as the two men continued to tease you.

throwing your head back you let out another moan, your underwear soaked at this point simply by the fact of phil teasing your clothed clit with his cock and maxwell tormenting your breasts with his hands, kneading at them as your nipples hardened under his touch, "more daddy- please-" you begged and took a sharp breath.

lifting your arms up, maxwell helped rid you of the black dress and phil briefly picked you up off your feet to slip the combat boots which were discarded haphazardly toward the floor.

you looked down and attempted to take your underwear off which caused phil to shake his head, "not yet, baby. don't think we forget about your little request."

phil took his clothing off and laid back on the sofa, luring you over with a finger wave as you straddled his thigh he pushed his knee up against your clit.

"go ahead and get off on my thigh, babygirl." your cheeks heated up once given permission as you began to ride his thigh, soft whimpers and moans already falling from your lips at the friction being created from your underwear.

"look at you.. soaked already and you haven't even had a cock inside you yet. just imagine how messy you're gonna be with both me and max inside you." the mere thought of what phil just said caused you to ride his thigh even faster, the moans becoming louder, your attention being adverted for a moment as you looked over in the corner to see maxwell jerking himself off in the chair, "don't stop doll, 'wanna watch." he spoke with a pant and you kept eye contact with maxwell while moaning out, "mmm-fuck!"

you were clearly falling apart on the chicago native, his cock hard while watching the curved beauty above him get off on just his thigh. "daddy- i'm so close-" you whined and grinded up against the man before making even more of a mess in your underwear.

"fuck- i'm close too babygirl-" maxwell spoke in broken breaths and phil gave you the okay to leave his thigh but not before he took your underwear as a sort of token to his accomplishments.

you crawled off the sofa, ass in the air which was definitely a sight to see for phil as your clit was still soaked from moments before. you dropped down to your knees infront of maxwell who had cum already dripping from the tip of his cock.

you stuck your tongue out and gave him kitten licks, looking up at maxwell with hooded eyes as his hands wrapped around in your hair and tugged gently while you took more of his length in and sucked lovingly. the man was already edging himself so it didn't take long for him to fill the entirety of your mouth with his warm seed, "i forgot to buy cake but that was some good as hell frosting." you smirked and wiped the remainder of the cum off your lips.

"always more where that came from, baby. however when the clock strikes midnight we get to have fun our way."

"what does your way entail exactly, phil?" you asked in a shy tone.

"well.. let's just say instead of crying over a stupid ex it will be because of overstimulation or.." phil looked around the room, a smirk growing on his lips, "cause we tied you up with this pastel ribbon. all depends if you're a good girl for us or not. isn't that right?"

you nodded your head, "yes sir, but i rather like that idea."

maxwell stood up from the chair and approached you, "what do you say we try it out tonight?"

you nodded your head so fast if you were a bobble head it would have popped off, eager to have more fun with the two men. "yes, pretty please."

"oh.. look how desperate she is to be tied up and filled with two cocks... think she can handle us both at the same time?" maxwell asked phil.

"let's find out and see."

phil picked you up and carried you to the sofa, placing kisses on each wrist before tying them together with pastel ribbon.

"ass up, legs spread." maxwell used a demanding tone of voice which had you dripping, he ran his fingers along your folds, "such a good girl already. prepared for the devil to corrupt you?" it wasn't a question, more of a warning as he slid into your entrance, giving you little time to adjust in attempts to grasp at the sofa.

"fuck, such a beautiful sight. look at her already clenching onto you so tight max.." phil hummed and entered himself slowly into your asshole, nearly hissing at how tight you were.

"p-phil- you're huge!" you yelled out, head barely able to think of a single thought while being stuffed full of two humongous cocks.

phil slapped you on the ass while entering the rest of his cock into you slowly as maxwell started to thrust, "that's daddy to you, got it?"

"uh-mhmm! yes daddy!" words became incoherent mumbles once the two men picked up speed, both making sure you were okay but at the same time whispering absolute filth into your ears as you clenched around their lengths as if your life depended on it.

"f-fuckk! you both feel amazing!" grunts and groans alike fell from both their lips and you could've sworn you heard them both call each other daddy, leaving you to wonder what they did in the midnight hour before adding a woman into the mix. you were never one to judge but with you there it was three times the charm.

the moans became increasingly louder as they pounded into you relentlessly, you'd all probably end up with a noise complaint sooner or later.

"go ahead and cum babygirl.. we can feel how close you are." you felt the heat of the chicago native's breath up against your ear, "yes sir." the flood gates were open as you came around maxwell's cock and he released inside of you while phil did the same. the three of you continued to ride out the high but you were the most worn out.

phil was the first to pull out as cum dripped from his tip all the way down from your asshole, "i was 'gonna save this for later but.. you should open it now." he handed you a small black box wrapped with a gold bow, the contents inside being a butt-plug.

your eyes went wide as you looked over at the chicago native, "what am i supposed to do with this?"

"think y'know.. sweetheart.. want you to sleep with it in as a reminder who owns that ass." he smirked and took the plug from your hand before inserting it inside your body.

"y-yes sir, thank you for the gift daddy." you placed a kiss to the chicago native's lips which he then returned and nipped at your lower lip, leaving you to want more.

maxwell had been keeping you warm in a way with his cock as you felt him continue to twitch inside you, a whine falling from your lips when he pulled out aswell.

"don't worry baby. there is much more where that came from." maxwell revealed a brown gift bag with the words burberry inscribed on the outside.

you sat back on the couch, still panting a bit while opening the gift from max which was a matching set of burberry lingerie in just your size, on the side was a pair of angel ears.

pouting you looked between the two men and they each furrowed their eyebrows, "what's wrong, baby?"

"just wanted something to keep this cum inside me. love being full of both my daddies icing like a cake." you grinned up at them as phil had something hid behind his back, a matching plug to the one gifted, "you're in luck."

yawning, the night activities started to take a toll on you so you got dressed in the lingerie which would surely be torn apart by morning and you kept the chicago native's gifts quite warm aswell.

once returning from the washroom, maxwell and phil were in their boxers and you cuddled up between them on the sofa before shutting your eyes as they each placed a kiss to your cheek.

"how was your birthday?" maxwell asked as you rested against his shoulder and you scratched the chicago native's beard softly, noticing him start to drift off toward slumber with your loving touch.

"best birthday ever. thank you both so much. now get some sleep, knuckleheads."

phil slapped your ass playfully in response, "goodnight, babygirl."

[ilovemydarkandstormyknight]

regarding aziriphales decision in episode 6:

as aziriphale and the metatron are first talking about aziriphale taking the supreme archangel post in heaven, metatron tells him that he wants aziriphale to ‘run things’ (whatever that means). aziriphale doesn’t seem too much into the idea, asking ‘where would i get my coffee.’ this is interesting because instead of answering that question the metatron answers a wholly different question, suggesting that crowley could go to heaven with him.

crowley thinks that he convinced aziriphale to help him stop the apocalypse via earthly objects (bookshop, music, resorting to the whales) but i believe this line proves that for aziriphale, all of those things are really just a front for his love for crowley. of course he does like these things, very much i imagine, but he would never risk the wrath of heaven for them, proven even more in ep 5 when he is willing to give away his books just for the sake of human love.

he does what he does for the sake of humans, the sake of earth and most most importantly the sake of crowley. he only starts to get excited when metatron mentions that crowley could come with him, become an angel again even. and where has aziriphale seen crowley at his most happy?

as an angel of course. that’s why when aziriphale was telling crowley about how he could become an angel again he says, ‘like the old times. only even nicer’

Aziriphale wants crowley to be with him and to be happy with him, fixing anything going on in heaven is just a bonus for him.

He’s also just seen his ex boss, the former Supreme Archangel fall in love with a demon of all things, he’s seen gabriel find something more important to him than the sides that they were forced into. He’s seen gabriel stop wanting to bring about apocalypse 2.0. If gabriel can change, he must be thinking that every other angel has it in them to change as well.

For aziriphale, this is a win win. he can have crowley with him and he can fix the abusive system that is heaven.

after crowley rejects him he falls back into old patterns saying that obviously hell is bad and heaven is good, and obviously you wouldn’t want to associate with them but please still associate with me, crowley. i don’t believe he actually believes anything he’s saying. he knows after last season that both sides are just as bad as eachother, hes just too much of an optimist. he wants to hang onto the hope of there being a side that could be good, if only he was in charge, if only he had a chance to fix it.

he’s devastated, why would his best friend not want to come with him and do some good, come with him and be happy and free together?

when aziriphale says that nothing lasts forever he’s talking about the bookshop and the earthly items mentioned at the top. crowley takes it as a ‘we won’t last and i care more about heaven than you’

the real conflict between the two of them is that crowley doesn’t believe that things can change even with a good person trying to make things change, but aziriphale desperately wants to change things and truly believes he can make a difference.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Another part

Kessler getting control over Lenny’s case - and Lenny taking a back seat and letting the lawyer actually do his job - means the New York conviction is overturned in record time.

“I knew that if I could just actually get you to shut the fuck up I could get it taken care of,” Kessler says as they leave the courthouse, patting Lenny on the back.

“And if I get hooked again?” Lenny asks. “Because I have my cabaret license so I probably will.”

“Then we’ll fight it again,” Kessler shrugs. “And now that you’re back with Midge, clean, and back in New York, public opinion is back on your side. They see someone who suffers for their art even if it’s telling filthy jokes.”

Lenny takes a breath and turns to him. “Buy you a thank you drink?”

“Who am I to pass up free booze?” Kessler asks with a chuckle.

They hit the bar, chatting about strategy going forward over a couple of beers. When and if Lenny gets arrested again, Kessler thinks it’ll be time to take things to the Supreme Court.

“Like the real one?” Lenny asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“Yep. This keeps happening. We need the laws to change, and that’s not going to happen in a New York courtroom, not really,” Kessler explains. “But do your best not to get arrested again, at least for another few months.”

Lenny shrugs. “I’ve got writing gigs keeping me busy right now. Knopf wants a memoir.”

“Hey, that’s great! It’ll keep you out of office for a while.” He pats Lenny’s back and then looks at his watch. “Ah, dammit. I have an appointment, I gotta go.”

“Another sad sack like me?” Lenny jokes.

“Sure. Thanks for the drink, Lenny. I hope I don’t hear from you again too soon.”

Lenny nods and waves him off, before focusing back on his drink, thinking a out the last few months.

About how thoroughly Midge has saved him.

He told her he didn’t need to be fixed,and he meant it, but here his is, clean and back in New York with a successful court appeal. His daughter will be moving in with him soon. He and Midge are better than ever, and she had a regular spot on Carson’s new Tonight Show, to say nothing of the steady work around town.

And Lenny’s got writing jobs coming out of his fucking ears thanks to Abe.  He’s got to get going on the memoir, plus the editorials for the Times, and then this weekend there’s Yom Kippur dinner in Queens, which will be absolutely a mess, considering how Midge’s ex feels about him.

And he’s not thrilled about being saved like this, but it’s the way things shook out and it’s hard to be pissy about the outcome.

“How the hell did I get here?” he mutters to himself.

“I assume you hopped a flight during the summer,” A familiar voice responds.

When Lenny turns his head, it’s to fine Gordon Ford leaning against the bar next to him. He nods. “Gordon.”

“Drowning your sorrows?” Ford asks.

“Nope. Celebratory beer, actually,” Lenny tells him. “Just had a very successful court appeal.”

“Hey, that’s great!” Gordon crows, his smile tight. “That does call for a celebration. Whiskey?”

“I’m good, actually. It’s a little early in the day for the hard stuff,” Lenny tells him. “But uh...thanks.”

“You sure? My treat.”

“Thanks, but no thanks.”

Gordon nods, and both men go quiet.

“I know you want to ask me something,” Lenny says, taking a sip of his beer. “Out with it.”

Gordon’s smile falls and he stays silent for a long moment while Lenny waits.

“You have until I finish by beer,” Lenny tells him. “After that I leave, and you miss your chance.”

“Why you?” Gordon asks finally. “I gave her everything. I was there for her. I was willing to look after her kids. Do for her. Be what she needed. She still didn’t love me. Why you?”

Lenny considers that question for a long moment as he swallows another sip. “Why me,” he ponders.

“Why you?”

“You got to knew Midge pretty well,” Lenny says.

“I did,” Gordon confirms. “Very well.”

“Right,” Lenny nods. There’s a little sting of jealousy in his chest. That this man was with her when Lenny couldn’t get his shit together enough to be. “So you know that Midge doesn’t need a husband.”

Gordon blinks, looking confused.

“She wants one,” Lenny shrugs. “She likes having a partner. Someone to share her life with. Someone to wake up to every morning. To come home to at night. But by no means - especially at this point in her career - does she need some man to come into her life and be the man. And that’s what you failed to understand about her. She wanted you. But she didn’t need you. And it’s the same for me. She loves me. She wants me. And may even say she needs me, but I know that’s not really true. And I’m completely fine with that.”

Gordon’s expression goes sour, looking away.

“You need someone to need you,” Lenny shrugs. “Midge isn’t that kind of woman. And when you realized that, you broke it off.”

“I broke it off because she was still in love with you!”

“Whether that was true or not, she was willing to move on from me for you, and you turned her down,” Lenny reminds him. “That’s the heart of all this. And really, I should be buying you a drink for that, because it freed her up to hop a plane and come see me. And now here we are.” 

“She made a mistake getting back together with you,” Gordon tells him factually. “The fact that she can’t see it, doesn’t make it any less true.”

Lenny shrugs. “You’re probably right. But it’s her mistake to make. And mine to savor for as long as she’ll have me.”

Gordon seemingly has nothing to say to that.

Lenny watches him walk off. He finishes his beer, pays his tab, and stops on the way home to pick up some flowers for Midge.

[ruminate88]

Loved For Real ❤️‍🩹

I use to chase those emotionally unavailable men around and around. I chased Andrew for over a year. I worked overly hard to impress him and get his approval. Andrew would often lie to me and promise me a future together but then turn around and treat me like a sex toy, then disappear for days and be with other girls too before coming back and lying to me again. I was so blinded by his “charm” I just kept taking his abuse and disrespect towards me. I lowered my standards for him and I was miserable! 😩

After I finally had enough of the mind games Andrew was playing, I forced myself to walk away from him. I realized then just how much I had let myself go. I was extremely suicidal and depressed. I couldn’t hold my head up! I knew if I didn’t make a change, I wouldn’t make it. So I decided to pray and ask God for a “restart” on my life. God hit that reset button for me and changed my heart and mind!! I was a new person from there AND I realized the love God could give me was far greater than I could imagine. I felt God could fix my broken heart and give me a sense of freedom. My mental health instantly started to improve and I no longer felt the need to hurt myself.

Not only did God give me the desire to live but he soon gave me my husband! FINALLY I found a guy who could love me the right way. Someone whom could support me and care about my heart. Someone to actually marry me and not just use me. My husband was overwhelmed by my exes and very much angry towards them. For the first time I felt I had a man who could protect me and defend me against the abuse I had went through. One month after I started dating my husband, Andrew came back and tried to FaceTime me twice in the same evening. Andrew didn’t want me to move on and be happy, so he wanted to hurt me one last time. However, my knight and shining armor, my husband, FaceTimed Andrew for me and threatened him to never bother me again!! FINALLY I would be free of Andrew!!

It still hurt though… Andrew trying to FaceTime me again was a slap on my face. I cried again over him. In fact, I cried over him for years. Yet over and over again, God has continued to prove to me that real love exist and that I can still smile and come through all the hurt and disappointment. God has held me and protected me over and over and over. If you or anyone you know is hurting from an abusive relationship, let them know God loves them and can help them get through it! You are not alone and please forgive your abusive partner and let them go. Block their number and stop reaching out to them. Pray for them because they need to see their own true colors and see how their actions hurt others. They need to know there is hope for them too! ❤️‍🩹

[nighthaunting]

Hiiii, uhm...I just finished no sway over the damned and I adore the fic, it gives a better perspective to the dk legion campaign and its just refreshing

When I saw that post about you actually planning to continue it I literally screeched of joy, because I really love the fic. Its also the reason why I ended up pairing up Thoras and Darion...it simply calls to me

Could you share some ideas about the possible sequel? Some romantic hc for the couple? Thank you!

Hello! Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!

Back when I was initially working on and plotting No Sway, I ended up writing a little blurb about what I imagined for the sequel:

Better Creatures Could Love You  Between proving his love and overcoming the trials set in his path by overprotective lieutenants, Thoras Trollbane finds growing accustomed to life in the future complicated by the Legion’s invasion; being magically bound to his meddling co-workers; and the impending consequences of the Horsemen’s rise. Will the Ebon Blade ever trust him with their Highlord’s heart? Will the Lich King’s plans put Acherus on the wrong side of a renewed crusade against the Scourge? Will Alexandros Mograine’s ghost ever stop ruining people’s lives? All Thoras knows is that he’s a man out-of-time, and out of his mind for Darion Mograine.

With the main points that I'd decided upon having more Thoras POV and focused on the actual development of their serious relationship, and what at the time were my ideas for post-Legion consequences of the Ebon Blade's actions in Legion. Of course. Then BFA and SL and now DF have all come out, and those consequences never materialized beyond some incredibly disappointing missed opportunities in SL.

My general romantic headcanons for them, at the start of their relationship, are that they kind of go at it backwards: they get into personal trust and physical intimacy a long time before they're really gotten themselves fully together romantically. Thoras catches feelings first and is the one to make the overtures that advance their relationship to that point, but Darion is going though so much nonsense both due to circumstances and also due to his various issues and history that it takes them time to get anywhere serious. Thoras understands and is okay with this, but at the same time he's now put in a serious bid for a real relationship with Darion and Darion's friends/staff/advisors/lieutenants/all-of-the-above are definitely going to hassle him about it. Especially since, in the continuity of No Sway at least, the relationship that Darion considers his last """"serious""" relationship was with Arthas during his Hot Scourge Summer era (and i want to work in flashbacks to scourge Darion, because he's my most horrid little guy) which ended, obviously, with Arthas betraying Darion to Light's Hope (2) and Darion responding to this by forging Shadowmourne and cutting Arthas' head off.

And now as Fourth Horseman he's psychically connected to the shade of his ex-boyfriend.

Also everyone is very mad about the Ebon Blade attacking Light's Hope (3) again.

Also Alexandros' ghost continues to cause problems, because I was mortally fucking offended by the way the Legion Corrupted Ashbringer skin questline went and am going to fix that.

So really a less-than-ideal time to be getting romanced, but also perhaps the last opportunity they'll ever have!

[khaleesiofalicante]

So this is going to be a barrage, sorry in advance!

1. So, I re-read the story cause it seems I can't get enough of the pain. And Jaden is giving me Armand from AMC's Interview with the Vampire vibes. Like taking advantage of an emotionally and mentally compromised person. Never leaving them alone to figure out you're fucking with their head. And its because you're actually just obsessed with their ex. Jaden is actually all about Max, the way Armand is actually all about Lestat. Which just makes Jaden scarier.

2. Since the book was entirely David's perspective and the show is more Max's, I'm assuming the audience reactions are going to come out on Max's side this time. If so can we see the #JAVID tag die in this universe? And or everyone falling in love with Max and becoming obsessed with seeing #MAVID back together.

3. I'm sad that Lance is going to have to fix his family. That's too much for a kid.

4. Does Jaden not want Arthur to watch the show because it shows Max in a sympathetic light?

5. Jaden seems super possessive of Arthur which i kind of get. But I'm wondering if David gave the ok for all those public social media posts. I thought they wanted to keep the kids out of the public eye?

6. I know everyone makes jokes about Jaden taking the method acting too far. But I can't understand how he just seems to have no empathy for Max? You play him on screen, you know the pain he went through. Now you have everything he so desperately cherishes. Why are you so obsessed with getting in the way of what's left of his relationship with his child? He comes across as kind of psychotic.

7. Is David in therapy? Since writing the show itself is a form of therapy for him, should we expect everything to implode for him with its end?

8. Did David actually buy a house with a pool for Max without realizing its for him?

9. David never answers if he loves Max, is it because he doesn't know? Or like he mentally can't even go there?

10. Is there a new Mavid fic coming in the future or can I dare hope for a sequel to this because I don't think any amount of closure will be enough unless we see them heal, be together again and Jaden get his comeuppance.

Oh but I love this. I think I can answer/respond to *some* of them. Let's see. Let's go!

I loved this comparison! I don't know a lot about Armand but i immediately got a bad vibe from him so now I'm concerned...

Most definitely. I mean we've already seen this. People recognize Max on the street all the time. Everyone tells him how much they love the show. There is a reason it's popular. It's because they lie to Max (or Michael rather). We'll have to wait to see the hashtags.

I think Lance can try. But Lance is also different from Rafael (if you've read TLND). He wants to help his family but he is also VERY good at setting boundaries. We'll see.

You got that right. I'm not sure it's a spoiler, but yes. Jaden knows if Arthur watches the show, he will like Max even more. So, he prevents it.

He doesn't post about them all the time. I don't think he got permission for that last post. We know he does shit like this all the time. Like how he spoke to arthur about acting even when david said no.

Astute observation. There are characters like Mallory who are very overtly messed up. But Jadens are more dangerous. Because we are friends with them....we date them. We don't know they are actually fucked up.

He was in therapy for a while after the 'accident'. He doesn't go to therapy in the present. Max does.

Maybe? It's definitely possible.

:)

I said this in the very beginning. IALS is not like TLND. It's not about closure or everyone finding their happy ending or finding ways to heal. I don't want it to finish it with a bow on top or anything. And I'm improvising this story, remember. I have no idea if yall will be satisfied with the ending or not. But one thing i will not do is make the ending perfect or 'realistic' or whatever. It's gonna end how it's gonna end hehe. But yes of course we will see Mavid again if i get inspiration for another fic.

[brainrattlers]

Play It Cool - Tyson Jost (29/n)

Pairing: Tyson Jost x OFC (AJ)

Word Count: 2420

Warnings: Language. Few suggestive thoughts but it's PG-13 this time around.

Need Chapter 28? Find it at https://brainrattlers.tumblr.com/post/700345458844975104/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-28n

Want to see how Tyson and AJ met to start? Head over to Chapter 1 at https://brainrattlers.tumblr.com/post/684079731435552768/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-1n

Author's Notes: Just like AJ, I've got a nagging feeling. I'm trying to push it away the best I can but... that dark cloud looms. I am mentally not prepared to write about the last couple of weeks with Tyson continuing to be scratched. He needs to have the game of his life tonight to shut up the naysayers and keep his spot on the team. (Of course when you're stuck on 4th and playing 8 minutes in a game, that's hard to do. I'm having flashbacks of his last few months with the Avs writing this thought.) But I digress...

Because I'm nervous about things, we're rewinding the story a couple days from where we left off to fill in some gaps in Detroit and Chicago, and adding a hefty dose of Halloween fluff. It's 2:30am, I'll fix typos as I see them.

It’d been a year since Tyson had dressed up as The Front Man from Squid Game, and AJ a sexy nerd.  And much to Tyson’s delight, AJ recreated the costume a couple times over the coming year, making for some spicy nights that let them relive the shenanigans that went down at the last Halloween party in Denver. 

(In fact, there might have even been a couple times where they went further than where the memories stopped, and the two found a dark, secluded place to park, when the making out definitely led to more in the back seat of the Grand Cherokee. Any time after, when Tyson would put something in the back seat, he’d always smile at the thought. If both of them were there, a knowing look was shared, which usually ended up in a race to get home and, well, ahem. You get the idea.)

Thankfully this year, Tyson and AJ were official, no need to sneak around (despite how much of a turn on the game was). AJ got details from the WAG group chat that Danielle and Jared were hosting the team Halloween party as always, and that Tyson and her were invited. Little different vibe from last year’s party in Denver, where that was a full on rager at a bar, this would be at the Spurgeon’s home. 

The team was still on their roadie when AJ received the invite. The two were facetiming before the Detroit game, already knowing he was scratched for the game. She was trying to keep the mood light, not being able to fully sense Tyson’s body language through the tiny phone camera and screen. All she could see was the side of his face as the phone was on the nightstand, pointing at him, giving her a side view as he was watching TV.

Don’t jump to any conclusions, this was sometimes a thing for them, if they facetimed for more than half an hour, someone inevitably put down their phone to continue doing some task. It wasn’t that they were angry with each other, or ignoring, it was just that they were comfortable enough to get other things done. Eventually they’d come back to each other again.

“Hey Tys? Any thoughts on costumes for the party this year?”

AJ was secretly hoping that Tyson would have an idea for a couples costume. She’d never actually done one before, previous exes did not appreciate Halloween and pageantry the way she did. Her fingers were crossed Tyson would be into it.

Tyson looked away from the TV screen in the hotel room, with a look of contemplation on his face as he looked more at his phone again.

“I dunno. What are you thinking? This seems like something you’d be better at picking out something for.”

AJ decided to put out the basic idea for a couple’s costume, not sure how Tyson would feel about it.

“Maybe we could go as something… together? It’s just that I’ve never been able to do a couple’s costume, and it’s something I really would like to do if you’d be up for it.”

The look on Tyson’s face was all the answer she needed. If that wasn’t enough, the “Oh yeah? What are you thinking?” should have solidified it.

Ideas were bounced back and forth between the two, and the theme that Tyson kept landing on involved AJ showing more skin than she was comfortable with.

“How about… I go as a magician, and you can be my sexy assistant?” Tyson wiggled his eyebrows trying to emphasize what he was going for.

AJ sighed and looked down, clearly frustrated as she was not feeling that great to show off herself. Somehow this event was different from the days at the lake. No one cared what everyone was wearing, and a lot of the time AJ was under a towel, or under water. Halloween at the Captain’s house was a little different in her eyes for some reason.

“What if… I’m the magician and YOU can be my sexy assistant?” AJ giggled at the idea of Tyson in a skimpy, sequined getup. 

The gears were turning in Tyson’s head. “I think I’d make a really pretty one. But.. do we have anything that would work for my half of it?”

Tyson had a point. AJ could sew, but she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to repurpose something, let alone build something new, into a costume for Tyson in two days, most of which he was on the road. Looking through Tyson’s closet, she found that he had a black suit, and a bowtie. She could find some gloves and a top hat, or at least something that could be darn close for him in the couple days’ time before the party.

AJ thought about it for a while, and finally had an idea.

“Okay. You be the magician, Tyson. I’ll be something that every magician seems to work with. And.. even better, I don’t have to show much skin, if any.”

Tyson pouted. “But I like your skin.”

“You can see it after the party,” (Tyson’s eyes lit up.) “Besides, this party, at least outwardly, doesn’t seem like it’s going to be as crazy as last year’s. And… no sneaking around for us this time.”

A look of panic hit Tyson’s face.

“FUCK I MISSED OUR ANNIVERSARY!” He slapped his hand over his mouth, remembering he was in a hotel.

“If it makes you feel better, I did too.” AJ chewed on her lip a bit, trying to do some calendar math. “Technically, at what point did we consider us a thing? The night we announced it at the charity event we both were working? Our second date? First?”

Tyson looked a little hurt. 

“If I had my way, I’d have said that first kiss at EJ’s.” A wistful look took over his face. “And if I can be completely honest… that day you were on the ladder at work. That was the day I knew.”

“Even if you thought I was dating Nate?” AJ raised an eyebrow.

Tyson looked down sheepishly, giggling upon lifting his head again. “Shut up. But yeah, I hoped it wasn’t serious. Glad it wasn’t.” 

AJ smiled and shook her head. “How about… we don’t focus on the anniversary right now, we’ve got very little time before the party. Halloween. You good with magician? I can get the last couple things you need, and… I’ll come up with my half.”

“Sounds like a plan. I gotta get ready to go to the arena to… sit. Fuck.” Tyson was suddenly upset by remembering the scratch status.

“I’m so sorry, love. You’re going to get back soon, I know it, just need to figure out this rut. Anyway get going. Feel free to text me when you can. Love you.”

Tyson audibly sighed, but nodded. “Love you too. Talk more soon.”

AJ didn’t watch the game. For a bit before she passed out early, she sketched and Googled patterns of what she hoped she’d be able to pull off on Sunday, praying to the crafting gods she could find the fabric she envisioned her creation featuring.

Tyson had texted her a bit during the game, not knowing the craziness she had running through her head. And he texted her when they landed in Chicago, though she was fast asleep. And of course, she woke up with that migraine, which made the day a bit more of a struggle, including heading back to sleep while waiting for her meds to kick in. The stress of knowing the party the next day was not helping.

After getting a shower and dressed, feeling slightly more human than a zombie from her migraine, AJ ventured out in the hopes of finding her fabric. After visiting three craft stores, she was coming up empty, and running out of time, fast. She was really wanting to make something fantastic and fun, but her aching head and lack of time was making that less and less likely. With the meds wearing off and the migraine coming back again, AJ gave in and grabbed her phone, scrolling through Amazon in the hopes of finding what she was looking for with a one-day delivery option.

With four minutes and fifty-two minutes to spare, her order was placed and set to deliver the following morning. If it didn’t arrive, she had a very rough backup plan, but she had hoped it would not get to that point.

Around the same time, AJ’s phone started buzzing with the lineup announcement. She was happy to see Tyson’s name listed. She drew the sign, sent it to Tyson. Tyson went on to be a bit of a problem in the game, getting into the fight with Domi after the hit on Kane. AJ got a little riled up by Tyson roughing up Domi (poorly, but his heart was in it!). Tyson flew home late, hoping to get a hint of AJ’s costume as he snuck into the apartment, but came up empty.

Tiptoeing to the bathroom to brush his teeth before crawling into bed, Tyson tried to be quiet as to not wake AJ. He saw the water glass and slew of pills she had to take to combat her symptoms on the bathroom counter and figured the worst. Sliding between the sheets, Tyson gingerly draped his arm over AJ’s torso and kissing her shoulder softly.

“Mmm?” AJ incoherently mumbled to the warm body behind her.

“I’m home, but get back to sleep,” was whispered in her ear.

“Glad yer home, love you.” 

And with that AJ was out like a light again. 

Tyson smiled, and knowing she wouldn’t hear, still whispered back, “love you too, Eggo,” and quickly fell asleep himself.

When AJ gets her migraines, she’s usually down for the count due to the prescriptions she has to take. She was completely dead to the world when Tyson’s alarm went off at 7:30. There wasn’t practice, but he was meeting up with a couple other guys to work out and do some drills. He was willing to do most anything to figure out why he was struggling so much recently. He texted her from the gym, checking in.

Tyson: Hitting the weights. Hope you’re feeling better this morning. Probably home around lunch, maybe a bit after. If you need anything while I’m out here, text me.

AJ slept right through the text, even with her watch buzzing against her wrist. It didn’t surprise him in the least though. What did wake her up though was a notice that her Amazon delivery had been dropped off at the desk at the front office. Throwing on a hoodie, pajama pants, a hat and her glasses (that she never wears because they make her sinuses hurt, she’s ALWAYS in her contacts), she ran downstairs to pick it up. AJ knew that the contents were going to need a wash and dry to fluff up before that night.

Thankfully the worst parts of AJ’s migraine had passed, and she was able to focus on her afternoon plans of making sure Tyson’s black suit was pressed, and that the gloves and hat would work. As she was putting the finishing touches on his pieces, Tyson himself got home, snagging a snack knowing there would be a ton of food. He eyed the cupcakes AJ was also working on, hoping they’d cool faster so she could frost them to be brought with to the party.

It was times like this that Tyson was so happy to see AJ fitting in with the groups she was surrounded by. 

“Jost, you better not be looking at those naked cupcakes thinking you can have one,” AJ hollered from the other room.

Tyson couldn’t believe he had already been caught.

“Of course not babe,” Tyson put the warm cupcake back on the cooling rack, “I’d never.”

“Right. Okay you gotta go take a shower, you stink. I love you, but yeah, you really need a shower.” AJ was still amazed how gross hockey gear can smell, and that smell transfers to the person wearing it. “I still gotta get one too, but I need to finish up these cupcakes first.”

Tyson secretly was hoping that AJ was going to join him in the shower, but he knew that she was working to make everything perfect, and likely had a schedule in her head that he would dare not mess up. With a quick shower, Tyson strolled back in wearing only a towel and a smirk, winking at AJ who was frantically frosting the cupcakes, and then putting crushed oreos on top for dirt, and placed a gummy worm coming out from the cookie dirt.

The dryer buzzed, letting AJ know that her major costume piece was “done.” Grabbing it, she ran to the bathroom for her own shower, and also came out wearing a towel to ask a question as she had a last minute idea to go with her costume. AJ also appreciated the sight of Tyson in the dark suit, straightening his tie. He was looking dapper as hell.

“Hey Tyson, can I borrow your RARE hat?” She knew it was the hat he’d been wearing all damn summer, and into the season, and most of the team would likely recognize it.

“Um, yeah? I guess?”

Before he could even ask why, AJ scampered off to find it and get changed. She struggled a bit with the zipper, but finally got everything put on, including some face paint to give herself puffy cheeks, a little nose, and whiskers.

“Hey hon? Can you NOT sneak a cupcake, but put them in the carrier with the high lid? I need to just finish getting dressed, and need a couple minutes that we’re running short on…” AJ hollered from the bedroom. 

She could hear Tyson rummaging around in the kitchen when she appeared in the doorway, wearing a bunny onesie, and Tyson’s hat with the ears poking out the bottom of it.

“Ta-da!” AJ made jazz hands while posing.

Tyson looked up, squinting, trying to figure out AJ’s costume.

“Okay, you’re my rabbit? What’s with the hat though?” 

The joke was not playing out as well as she had hoped. She’d probably have to explain it all night, so she might skip the hat idea. But for now, she was eager to tell the punchline.

“Yeah, I’m the rabbit… in your hat.”

Tyson groaned and facepalmed.

Read on in Chapter 30: https://www.tumblr.com/brainrattlers/702241002653630464/play-it-cool-tyson-jost-30n

[episbep]

rehab day one

I forgot to bring a notebook so you lovely lot get to read the equivalent of my diary. While I’m in rehab at least😄 woke up at 5am and after a rly fucking long drive I arrived half an hour late🙃 first I was drug tested (clean for everything except weed, apparently ket is out of your system after a week or so¿) and had to answer loads of questions about my health and feelings and life shituation then went to see a doctor who prescribed me sleeping pills thank fuck. The treatment centre is intense, we are mainly alcoholics and/or drug addicts, instantly people just come up to you and ask what your drug of choice is, share their experiences with their addiction and are really friendly but I’m struggling to speak about home. I feel so ashamed and guilty. Of my actions, the things I’ve said and done and the consequences. I’ve been drinking and smoking weed this past week to help me get through but now I’ve got nowhere to hide, no drug crutch to grab at - just me and my thoughts and the consequences of my addiction and the choices I’ve made.

Going from isolating in my room for a week+ to all of a sudden spending all day speaking to new people has been exhausting. but every single person honestly has been lovely, welcoming, positive and supportive - so far rehab is nothing like I had expected. There’s a lot of genuine care and laughter, someone made a joke in a meeting today that made me belly laugh for the first time in far too long. it’s been really sunny and hot so I sat in the detox house garden and read through the papers they gave me, hoping to get a bit of a tan (mission accomplished I think).

I saw my ex a few days last week and was hoping we might be able to try again when I’m back home but he was showing me something on his phone and a message from a girl that idk popped up (we were together 4 yrs, I know I much everyone he knows) which wouldn’t have hurt so bad if he hadn’t told me he wasn’t speaking to anyone, or if I hadn’t just swallowed his cum. I want to walk away because I just keep getting hurt but I - keep - going - back. Maybe I’m addicted to him too😄 I want to focus on bigger more important things but my mind keeps wandering back to him in times of quiet. I’m trying to build a wonderful safe and beautiful life but I’m not sure that I could ever achieve that with a man that doesn’t love or respect me, and I don’t think has any intention beyond fucking.

I have no idea who I am or what I enjoy as an actual person that isn’t using or drinking. I want to meditate but my thoughts are too loud. TV is boring. I can’t chat for another minute today. I don’t want to read the book and tbh I don’t want to do the 12 steps - the Buddhist 8 steps resonates so strongly with me but I can’t get behind “handing over control to god” - I fucked up, and I’ve gotta fix it. Not God - me. They keep asking me if I want to eat but I couldn’t cope with gaining any weight right now. If anything I need to go down. I feel like crying but the tears won’t come. I forgot my shampoo and body wash so can’t even have a shower. I really don’t know what to do. I’m just looking forward to going to sleep.

[aethernightmare]

Worth noting too that when I mention I got cheated on, I don't mean some cute miscommunication or small interaction blown out of proportion for my ego.

My ex partner of 13 years literally got someone else pregnant behind my back. He refuses to be a part of that child's life either, meaning his son will grow up without a father.

The woman he cheated on me with was supposedly desperate. She was a co-worker who was facing homelessness, and he "took her in" months before actually telling me about it. Because of the nature of her circumstances, as well as her younger age (early 20's compared to our late 20's), it's possible her consent with him was dubious due to desperation or grooming (or both), if she even consented at all. (Worth noting that the cramped layout of his apartment means they'd also be forced to share a bed for the 9+ months they secretly lived together). She would later run away and keep moving house as he attempted to stalk and sue her for his debts. All of which I have proven via official court records and legal documentation, where his debts to her made everything public record.

My heartbreak doesn't just come from him cheating on me, but what he eventually ended up doing to other people. And the lack of remorse he has for any of us. As is, I don't currently blame his old affair partner, because I don't know her full circumstances. But I know from what I could gather, her story looks rather bleak, so I only hope her and her child the best in the future.

Which is still just...the last straw of the relationship after all these years. There was so much other stuff. Refusing therapy and even lying about a lack of insurance to weasel out of it. Addiction not just to various substances but other mediums as well. Sabotaging our plans to live together multiple times (instead of just being an adult and admitting that's not what he wanted). Dropping out of college and getting fired from every minimum wage job after a few months or weeks (he ended up working for a temp agency that's the employment equivalent of rock bottom). Getting either jealous towards my own accomplishments, or accusing me of faking them. Letting his living space deteriorate to dumpster fire levels (so much rodent poop and trash and dust everywhere omg). Blaming anything and everything that went wrong in his life on either me or his untreated ADHD.

Even after I presented all of my findings to him, he still had the gall to lose his temper, scream, and accuse me of lying. He holds firm that he "never cheated", because according to him "only bad people cheat, and he's not a bad person". Which is...not the correct order of events for any sane person to hold themselves accountable to, for anything. Likewise, he tried to claim that I'm the one who "broke up with him years ago", when I did no such thing, and we were clearly still on all levels a couple. Worth noting too, he kept getting my actions and conversations mixed up with the actions and conversations of later affair partners (who he later admitted to dating), so I can only assume if he genuinely feels my call for a 'breakup' happened, it was because someone else said something along those lines to him while he was drunk/high, and he mistakenly pinned the memory on to me. As so many chronic cheaters often do. (Because they get to a point where you're not an individual anymore, but just another color in their blur of their whirlwind experiences).

His mental health really deteriorated towards the end, compounded with his addictions. But he never understood that wasn't anybody else's problem to fix, and nor was it a valid excuse for cheating on or abusing his partner(s). I assisted him in finding affordable doctors and therapists over and over again, but it's not up to me to drag him there and force him to do the work. Nor will me adopting a manic-pixie-enby attitude cure him of all his own shortcomings.

What he needed was genuine clinical therapy, to get back on his ADHD medications or possibly start new ones (I hear Wellbutrin or Norpramin works well for co-morbid depression types), and most of all...to just fucking grow up. Because nobody can make the progress for him, and a relationship is not the cure to his conundrum. You first have to admit there's a problem, and then have to want change in order to enact change. That's the first step you learn in any healing community.

If anything, his obsession with "people pleasing" is actually a negative trait, because it highlights not only personal insecurity, but a willingness to chuck close friends and family under the proverbial bus if it makes you more "popular" with a large number of people. A healthy person is someone who can accept and metabolize not always being liked, and doesn't force themselves to hold only the most popular opinions (regardless to the degree of cognitive dissonance it may cause). A healthy person can examine other viewpoints and still come to their own conclusions, while an unhealthy one constantly seeks what gives the most validation.

Anyway, just some more thoughts from my own therapy sessions. As well as clarification (including to myself) that yeah, it was that bad actually. He was a very charming, charismatic, and outwardly nice person who did a lot of unkind, downright cruel, and potentially predatory shit behind my back. And a lot of it went undetected for years as a result of his amazing ability to keep up the facade. To this day I doubt his parents know about it, which is how good he is at keeping people fooled. But I also have the legal receipts, which is why I'm confident he'll never actually try to step into my lane again or slander me like he did with some of his other exes.

[shxdowsofombra]

Opening the Door

[Hope]

Hope moved to open the door and dipped as Grace stood beside her. “What the fuck are you doing?” She asked softly since the kids were in the room. “You do know this is my house, where are you going?”

[Grace]

“I just…I just thought if Austin saw me he wouldn’t be so shy…he can…he can be rather shy.” She tried to say so she didn’t start a fight with Hope again. “I am just trying to help.”

[Hope]

“Helping would be staying by your husband and not moving. Zach already wants you dead, don’t push it. Austin can see you when he walks in.” She said before looking away from her. “You’re here already. I don’t need Zach thinking something is wrong.” She says as she opens the door and lets David and Austin in. 

[Henry]

Henry was talking with Hallie about what the night was going to consist of but more specifically what Hallie thought the night was going to consist of. He knew this was supposed to be exciting but he wasn’t really sure about it. 

[Hallie]

“Oh I think it will be really fun. Grandpa bought us a limo so I invited some of our other friends for us to pick up. Like um…Josh I think his name is.” She said as she fixed her hair before seeing the door open.

[Henry]

“You invited my ex to come with us to prom are you out of your fucking mind?” He asks to try to see if she was actually being serious about this. 

[Hallie]

“Didn’t dad say we aren’t allowed to cuss at each other?” She asked as she looked at him. “And he needed a ride and he is like a friend of yours so I didn’t mind. And David didn’t either.”

[Henry]

“He is my ex Hallie. Not a friend. My EX. Would you have wanted me to invite one of yours to come with us knowing you have David? No you wouldn’t. It’s common sense Hallie.” 

[Hallie] 

“Oh I forgot you had no friends. It’s too late. I already did it. It would be rude to disinvite him and unlike you, he is really nice to me. So he’s coming. You already have a date so why does it matter?”

[Henry]

“You don’t get it Hallie and you never will. Maybe you shouldn’t have invited him in the first place. I am telling mom that I am not going and you know if I don’t go she won’t let you go either so. You better find a way very quick.” He tells her. 

[Hallie] 

“You are such a baby. Tell mom, I don’t care. You do realize Grace is here because of you and dad looks like he’s going to pop a blood vessel. Stiles is avoiding mom at all costs, this is all because you couldn’t get a date on your own. So yes if you need more drama right now, tell mom.”

[Henry]

“Look I have tried to make up with Josh and it didn’t work okay. He never messaged me back or wanted to meet up. I never asked for any of this. It’s embarrassing Hallie. I thought you would understand that.” He says as his eyes flashed blue. 

[Hallie] 

“You do realize everyone was walking around school calling me a slut for sleeping with my teacher. I am beyond embarrassed everytime I go to school and I have to get over it. You broke his heart so no I’m assuming he didn’t want to talk to you.”

[Henry]

“Yeah I do know that and I helped you through that so you should understand how I feel right now. I didn’t break his heart. What are you even talking about? He didn’t want me. His family doesn’t like ours and doesn’t want us to be together so what am I supposed to do? Mom was not around and you never helped me through it. I was on my own and now you want me to watch as he probably goes with someone else because he doesn’t want me anymore. He broke my heart by telling me all that and not being there when mom was going through…” He suddenly couldn’t breath as he pushed past her. 

[Hallie]

“Oh my god Henry, not everything is about you. Mom was in a coma and I was pregnant. And no I talked to him, Josh only said that his parents didn’t like ours because they were both, at the time, killers. Dad is still a killer and while we are perfectly okay with that, not everyone is and that is okay. His family had every reason to be scared. Dad killed my last boyfriend for breaking up with me. That’s not normal. So stop. Please. Other people have bigger issues.”

[Henry]

“I don’t care if his parents don’t like ours. I was upset because Mom was in a coma and you were having your own drama and I just wanted to escape from it and he kept trying to push me. You know I don’t like talking about how I feel. It was too overwhelming at the time. I know I said stupid things but I miss him and I just want him to want me again.” Henry said before moving to the bathroom. 

[Hallie]

Hallie eyes turned bright red and she slapped him “Fuck you.” She said softly as her eyes flashed blue and she ran upstairs to her room.

[Henry]

“Of course now you make it all about you.” He mumbled after she went upstairs and he slammed the door to the bathroom. 

[Hope]

Hope looked over at Hallie and Henry when she heard the slap and was beyond confused. “What the fuck is going on?” She asked before seeing Hallie run upstairs. “Zach?”

[Zach]

Zach saw Hallie slap Henry and he went over and stopped her before she could make it up the stairs. “Where do you think you are going? We do not slap our siblings in this house.” He says as he grabs her wrist. “Henry, get back out here. We don’t slam doors in this house either.” He called out. 

[Hallie]

Hallie ripped her arm away from him. “Stop it.” She says before running back upstairs.

[Henry]

Henry had tears falling down his face as he opened the door back up. The red mark was already forming on his cheek. “She invited my ex-boyfriend to come with us tonight. And she knows I am not over it but she doesn’t care.” 

[Hope]

Hope was a bit overwhelmed with everything going on and she knew that wasn’t good for the baby. She looked at Zach and then Henry and Hallie. “Everyone in the kitchen, now.” She said. “That means both of you.”

[Zach]

Zach stopped Hallie again, this time keeping her from getting away. “I said where do you think you are going?” His eyes burned red as he spoke to her. “You do not walk away from me young lady. Now get back down here or I am sending David home.”

[Hallie]

Hallie pushed her father away. “I hate you.” She said softly before hearing her mother’s words and stopping. She groaned as she moved to follow them into the kitchen.

[Henry]

Henry followed into the kitchen after his mother. He wiped his eyes, the spot on his cheek turning even redder. 

[Zach]

“You watch your mouth young lady. Listen to your mother and go to the kitchen.” He tells her as he ushers everyone into the kitchen. 

[Hope]

“What the fuck is going on? Hallie, did you really invite Josh without telling your brother? And why did you slap him? Henry, what did you say to your sister that made her so mad?” She asked.

[Hallie]

“I don’t even understand why I have to explain anything. Henry is a dick.” She snapped before sighing. 

[Zach]

“It doesn’t matter if you think your brother is a dick or not, that does not give you permission to slap him or physically hurt him. We raised you better than that Hallie.”

[Henry]

“I didn’t even say anything that bad. I told her that I didn’t want her to invite him and she told me it’s not all about me. I told her it's embarrassing because he won’t get back to me nor will he accept my apologies. And she said that I should just suck it up and be embarrassed like she did in school when she got pregnant. I wasn’t the one that invited my siblings ex boyfriend to come to prom with us knowing how she feels about him. That is a dick move.”

[Hallie]

“You are such a fucking liar. You basically blamed me having my son on you being a shitty boyfriend. No one told you to insult Josh’s family. You did that all on your own. She’s my mom too, you don’t think her being in a coma while I was fucking pregnant wasn’t stressful to me? Dad wouldn’t leave her side, Emmett was a fucking mess, and you…gosh everything is always about you so you were being a dick to everyone.”

[Hope]

Hope tried breathing to calm herself down and ignored the pain in her stomach as she looked at the kids. “You both are being a pain in my ass. Hallie you can’t go around inviting people that you have no business inviting and Henry, you know how sensitive your sister is about the whole pregnancy thing. You both were stressed and handled it differently. You don’t need to fight. You are family.”

[Zach]

Zach could notice that there was a pain in her stomach due to her heartbeat skipping. “Hope, I can take care of this. Maybe you should go back and make sure our guests are okay. I don’t want something to happen, you know.” He says as he waits for her to leave. 

[Henry]

Once Hope left Henry spoke. “She was the one that brought up the whole pregnancy thing. I just wanted her to not invite him. Yeah it was stressful on you too but I am sorry, you have a boyfriend to help you with that so forgive me for not falling at your feet like he does the moment you want something. It was all about you Hallie. Everything is about the princess Hallie. She gets pregnant and everyone needs to help her through it. I have followed the rules and been good and you had me, David, Emmett and mom and dad to help you through your crap. Who helped me? Who kept me from snapping at my boyfriend who had been trying to keep me from snapping at everyone else? No one. No one did because it was all about you!”

“It’s always been about you and the one time I want you to do something simple and not invite the person who got snapped at for everything because no one was there for me. It’s not that hard, Hallie. You knew what happened, you never talked to me once. You never tried to help even once. You went around talking to him and told me things to make me feel even worse about what happened and now you want to blame it on me. No. I hate you. Everything would have been fine between him and I if everyone just did what they were told and followed directions!” He snapped as his eyes turned bright red before flashing black. 

[Hallie]

“Princess? God you are so far up your own ass you don’t even see anything but yourself. If my life was so fucking perfect, I wouldn’t of had to spend everyday with Tommy and Ellie. But no Henry all you care about is yourself and that is why Josh broke up with you. Because people are going through shit. Stop lying! You weren’t there for me. You know absolutely nothing! I moved to David’s house because I didn’t have anyone. I-“

[Hope]

“Henry.” Hope snapped as she heard him say he hated his sister. “Will everyone shut the fuck up?” She said loudly. She groaned as the pain got intense and her eyes flashed red. “No one is going to prom. Both of you, in your rooms now.” She snapped.

[Zach]

“Go. This is a dumb arguement. You shouldn’t have invited his ex Hallie. All this would have been avoided if you understood where he was coming from. You also shouldn’t slap your brother just because you didn’t get what you wanted. There are other things to be concerned about than one person and that goes for the both of you.” He tells them. “Now, do as your mother says and go to your rooms.” 

[Henry]

“It’s never been about myself, Hallie. Never. And just this once I wanted one thing after doing so much for you like hiding that you kept inviting boys over after they both told you not to. The fact I had to cover for you when you would sneak out to David’s. Everything for me was ruined because of you. Because you never follow the rules. I face the consequences of your mess ups. You sneaking out means I can’t go out with anyone anymore because they are worried I might get someone pregnant or do drugs or something stupid. I have a shorter curfew because you kept breaking yours. I am not doing that for you anymore.”

“I am done helping you. You always have to ruin everything. You used to be someone I wanted to be like. I even admired you when we were younger but you changed. You aren’t the big sister I remember anymore. She would have listened and she would have cared. You aren’t her. I wish I never had a sister!” He said as his eyes turned blue before flashing black as he stormed off to his room. 

[Hallie]

“I don’t know what delusional world you live in Henry, but you haven’t done shit for me. Expect ruin my fucking life. I wish you were never fucking born. If you were as smart as you said you were you would know Josh knew you are going to be there and still wanted to come,” She said as her eyes flashed black. “You think that’s why I slapped him? Of course you do. Whatever, defending myself to the person who let someone beat my mother isn’t something I’m interested in. I hate this fucking family.” She said before heading upstairs. 

[Hope]

“Hallie.” She says in a low warning before watching them both leave. She saw them leave the room and she grabbed a bottle and slammed it against the wall. “Fuck.”

[Zach]

“Hallie room. Now.” Zach’s voice boomed loudly in the house as his eyes turned red. He waited until they left before taking a breath. “Hope, just breathe. They just need to calm down.” 

[Hope]

Hope cussed softly as she saw she cut her hand and laughed at Zach’s words. “Breathe? Okay. Do you…are you serious? Our kids hate each other for the dumbest reason in the world. I…I…I am so fucking angry right now. I can’t even see my brother TJ because of what he did and those two think that they have real problems? I…what the fuck do you want?” 

[Grace]

Grace saw the kids running upstairs and moved as she heard something breaking. “I…I just…I don’t mind Henry or Hallie staying with us until they calm down. I know you are pregnant so…I just want to help.”

[Zach]

“You really should not be in this room right now Grace because the only person that is keeping me from killing you is Hope and I don’t think now is the time to be intruding.” He growled. “They are children. They don’t have any idea and they don’t know how to control their anger and feelings. I will handle the kids okay, just try to relax. Try. I will take care of everything else okay?” 

[Hope]

“You know I know my brother thinks I am a really shit mom but I do not need you to take my fucking kids. I can handle my kids okay, thanks.” She snapped as her eyes turned bright red. She looked at Zach and was trying her best to calm down. “She slapped him, Zach. He said he hated her. She said he wished he was never born. You can’t take shit like that back. You can’t. So nothing will erase that pain.” 

[Grace]

“I never said you were a bad mom, Hope. You…I think you’ve done a fantastic job. I am not trying to take them away. I just want to help. No one wants to see them or you upset.”

[Zach]

“Grace if you don’t fucking leave…I swear to god.” He hissed. “I know. They will have to learn to live with that Hope it is part of growing up. Siblings say things they don’t mean all the time. They are just saying it because they are mad. We will give them some time to cool down and it will be okay.” He tells her softly as he cupped her cheeks and kissed her to try to get her to calm down.

[Hope]

“Oh please, you do not think that. I know you love seeing this. Once again my life falling apart and you being there to enjoy it. Except your not forcing my husband to fuck you this time.” She said before feeling Zach’s hand cupping her cheeks. “I don’t know Zach. This is so different. And did you see their eyes…I don’t-” She looked at him before feeling his lips against hers. She wrapped her arms around him as she deepened the kiss. 

[Grace]

She flinched as she heard their words. “You think I think these horrible things of you, but I don’t. And I have said I am sorry multiple times. I will always be sorry. I am just trying to fix this relationship. I am just trying to fix the family. That’s it.”

[Zach]

Zach kissed Hope back before hearing Grace’s voice. “If you don’t leave in the next two fucking seconds I will cut you up into a thousand pieces while you are still alive and then hand them to your husband on a fucking platter. Get out of this room. You were one of the ones who broke it. You can’t undo what you did. You can’t fix it Grace. Nothing you say or do will fix what you did. Now get out.” He roared at her before his eyes flashed black. The sound of glass breaking echoed in the house. 

[Hope] 

Hope could hear glass breaking and moved away slightly as the glass on the counter broke. “Zach.” She said as she made him look at her. “It’s okay.” She gave him a small smile before kissing him. “You told me it will be okay, so you have to believe it too.” She told him, making sure he kept looking at her and placed his hand on her stomach. “It will be okay.” Hope said as she saw Grace leaving the room.

[Zach]

Zach heard Hope’s words and he looked at her. He took a deep breath and when she placed his hand on his stomach he calmed down. “It will all be okay.” He repeats. 

[Hope]

Hope nodded as she smiled at him. “It will.” She heard the door closing and sighed as she knew their guests were gone now. She could hear Eli crying, meaning he was up from his nap. “You can go check on him, I’ll clean up.” She said before kissing him softly. “I love you.”

[Zach]

“I am sure he wants his mom. I can clean up darling.” He tells her before kissing her back. “I love you too.” 

[Hope]

“Hm okay.” She said before moving away from him and heading upstairs to check on Eli.

[chal-latte]

Timmy and reader just broken up, and they run in together at the met.

A/N: I LOVE THIS AND THIS IS HEAVILY INSPIRED BY THIS FIC @chalametsimp I LOVE YOU!!

deuxmoi 

Liked by enews and 789.100 others

deuxmoi spotted: seconds before y/n l/n teared down as ex-lover timothée chalamet hid her from the curious paparazzis, saying “give us some privacy, please.” its been a month after timothée left her for his ex lily rose-depp. but it looks like things haven’t been easy for the both of ‘em. they’d make a lovely met gala couple 😢

See all comments

fanpage30 i think the problem is rooted deeper than just him doing a pr stunt w his ex

fanpage30 i think the problem is rooted deeper than just him doing a pr stunt w his ex

fanpage29 i like lily more its obvious who he belongs to

↪️ fanpage11 you make zero sense he doesn’t belong to anyone you shithead just bc u like lily more doesn’t mean u can bring y/n down

fanpage39 my parents😢😢

fanpage43 first was devon.. now y/n.. love isnt real

fanpage86 pls get back together so i can live happily

fanpage33 nah if i were y/n i’d do the same he’s cruel for that 

fanpage28 that ‘pr stunt’ must be her last straw

y/i/n

Liked by juliafox, tchalamet and nicolasghesquiere and 3.819.019 others

y/i/n it’s met gala monday, save your tears for another day

See all comments

fanpage90 girl u know whats right! we support you y/n ❤️❤️❤️

louisvuitton a star✨⭐️

nicolasghesquiere what a night❤️

fanpage18 y/n we love you :((

fanpage89 SAVE UR TEARS FOR ANOTHER DAY Y/N WE LOVE YOU

fanpage39 whys he still liking her pics

theweeknd true

*Liked by @y/i/n

fanpage30 XO GATHER UP

fanpage22 abel boutta throw hands lol

juliafox fuck him and his crew

↪️ y/i/n louder queen!!!

fanpage99 EVEN JULIA AGREES

chloegmoretz no one can outshine you baby

↪️ y/i/n i love you :((( 

patmcgrathreal eternal beauty 💖👼

iliona not saying i love it when ur sad but ur so creative when ur sad

↪️ y/i/n gotta transfer that energy somewhere

fanpage38 DOES- WHAT?

fanpage42 IS Y/N WRITING A SONG? AGAIN?

fanpage58 oh yup this must be BAD

tchalamet

Liked by y/i/n, enews and 6.984.134 others

See all comments

fanpage51 heartbreaker🍅🍅🍅boooo 🍅🍅🍅

fanpage19 tim drunk off his ass after making y/n cry lol that so low of him

billieeilish :)

fanpage28 bILLLIE WHOS SIDE R U ON??

alexandermcqueen amazing as always✨

fanpage39 and he went to the after party.. of course

cartier 🖤

fanpage90 wtf did u say to y/n???

↪️ deuxmoi someone overheard them saying words like “i love you” “coming back” “second chance” “stunt” but we dont know who’s saying what

↪️ fanpage90 what the fuckkkkk..

mtv im a child of divorce

fanpage93 yall pls dont send him hate comments we actually dont know what went on yall assume too quick

fanpage31 i hope theyre coming back that pr stunt was bad asf

fanpage44 timothee i love you but im on y/n’s side now

fanpage37 tim u still have time to fix this we cant defend u no more babe

fanpage59 timmy look at me this isnt you tim

fanpage22 y/n went to the after party too but idk if she stayed for long

↪️ enews check our post

fanpage48 what was on his mind when he agreed to do that shitty pr stunt 

enews 

Liked by 379.391 others

enews here we have it folks! y/n l/n (@y/i/n) making an appearance at the met gala after party accompanied by chloe grace moretz (@chloegmoretz). it is claimed that she “just want to make rounds then go home.” other sources said she swung by to “get wasted” and “forget about tonight.” but she did went home with her ex-boyfriend timothée chalamet (@tchalamet), so what was that about?

See all comments

fanpage83 i say we get out of their hair and let them solve this privately

fanpage91 theyre just getting started, theyre young and this kind of drama will come along

fanpage29 theyre not a drama lover we know that  but once they make a drama its so big we’re gonna talk about it nonstop

fanpage48 i want a friend like grace:(

fanpage84 y/n did like his recent post tho

fanpage47 WE STILL HAVE HOPE

fanpage54 i wish i can hug her i love her sm i wanna comfort her

fanpage44 i hope theyre doing okay

fanpage93 im sure it was just a misunderstanding, timmy wont do such thing

fanpage77 glad chloe was present for her

fanpage89 they’ll get back together again im sure 

[thehalfbloodedwitch]

Mending (D.m. x reader)

Pairing- Draco x Femreader

Summary- This is basically a view of Draco and Y/n’s relationship which has some hurdles, it is being expressed through a song| Angsty, Fluff

A/n- Please listen to “Little do you know” by Alex and Sierra before reading if you haven’t listened to the song. Thank you!

Warnings- Mentions of cheating.

Words- 2,240 words

Masterlist Navigation

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep"

When the sun sets and night falls, Y/n’s boyfriend Draco Malfoy disappears into the darkness and returns when the sun rises. Y/n stays awake in hopes that her boyfriend would come and wrap his arms around her, protect her and care for her but in return, he comes back and just sleeps. He leaves, unknown to everyone as to where he must have disappeared to. Y/n feels as though these actions have happened to her, she fears that her past might be repeating itself. She decided to deal with these emotions on her own, not telling or informing Draco about her suspicions as she tells herself repeatedly that these thoughts are nothing and that she’s just overthinking about it too much. But this repeatedly happens day after day. A few days he would care to join her in her sleep but as he sleeps next to her, her delicate heart breaks over and over again for he is indeed hiding something from her. She tries to stay put and make this relationship work by silently letting tears slip out of her eyes, unknown to Draco.

"Little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories"

The nights when she sleeps peacefully her dreams come and haunt her, she recalls her past experience with her ex, Theodore Nott, who promised her that he would love her forevermore but, did it last? No, unfortunately, it didn’t, he found someone else to love, someone else to cherish and look after, someone else to be with. She had caught him cheating with some other girl she didn’t care knowing, she was still haunted by the sight of Theodore Nott, her ex-boyfriend on some other girl's throat. Nott too, used to disappear into the dark and return as though nothing happened, she had noticed Nott’s change in behavior but chose to ignore them. And now, at night all her nightmares come alive to make her recollect any such small incidents which happened with Draco and her. She indeed felt a lot hurt with the small things that reminded her of her previous relationship such as Ignoring in the hallways, not showing as much affection as he did before, not spending enough time with her. She hates it whenever her thoughts went over her previous relationship and would despise connecting these dots together and implying that maybe Draco was cheating on her.

"Little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece"

She was broken, sadness engulfed her and made her its target prey. She was too afraid of approaching anyone regarding this and thought it was her responsibility to put her broken pieces together. Even when she knew Draco might be cheating on her which broke her heart even more, she picked the broken pieces and fixed them with reassurances that would indeed fix her broken piece, but even if you fix a broken mirror there would be cracks in it and they take time to heal, but the time she was facing wasn’t made for healing as her heart broke even more whenever he disregarded her. She had thought no one could fix her so it was now up to her that she had to fix herself. She was worried that if she bought up the topic, things might become worse for her.

"Little do you know, I need a little more time"

Y/n doesn’t want to talk about her suspicions with him, she thinks as though her thoughts might be just assumptions and she might be just overthinking about this situation and that her train of thoughts might lead her to a totally different scenario than what it actually is, she had to get out of these thoughts that made her worry for no reason. But she couldn’t deny but see a different picture which she was painting of her boyfriend, he hadn’t been spending time with her as much as he did, he was always thoughtful when it came to her, her hopes for him were diminishing deeper and deeper but all she wanted to do was to think that these thoughts were unnecessary and that she is just being her overthinking self again. She needed time to sort out her thoughts to be true and valid or false and just silly assumptions.

"Underneath it all, I'm held captive by the hole inside"

Y/n had dug a hole, a very deep hole in which she resided. Her emotions and thoughts were taking over and it felt like she was held captive in a room with no doors or windows, she was trapped in a hole that she had dug that she felt as though she was held hostage by herself. Draco’s changing behavior was very sudden and never expected, her past life trauma was haunting her, all these factors and thoughts overwhelmed her and drowned her in a pool of regret and sadness. She started imagining Draco going to some other girl and spending his time with her, just like Nott did. Disregarded her and used her, and when his need for her vanished, threw her out of his life. She was in a very deep state of depression and stress. The hole only kept going deeper and deeper as she sank into it, with no chance of escaping it.

"I've been holding back, for the fear that you might change our mind"

Even after suffering so much she decides to stay silent, why? Why doesn’t she go and confront Draco about this? The reason is she doesn’t want to make Draco feel bad about himself, if he finds out he has been hurting Y/n in any way, he wouldn’t forgive himself, he would never, and Y/n doesn’t want Draco to feel bad about himself, she wants to grow from this relationship, she wants to mend this relationship. But where to start from? Anywhere she tried to mend, it starts damaging itself again, if this keeps happening where should she start? What should she do?

"I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight

Little do you know, I need a little more time"

Forgiveness is easy to give when you trust the person and want to grow the relationship but forgetting? Every time she tries it becomes harder and harder for her to forget. Her thoughts come back to where it all started, from when the nightmares began, from where she had fallen into this mess. She battles the thoughts between wanting to improve the relationship and confronting Draco about her emotions. But Y/n needs more time to sort herself out, she wants more and needs more time to get herself clear with her emotions and thoughts.

"I'll wait, I'll wait, I love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait"

Draco, he still loves her, he still cares for her and he wants to show her how much he cares and loves her but in order to show that he needs her to be free and talk to him about her problems, about her emotions and thoughts that are running in the little tiny brain of hers. He would never walk away or leave her for whatever problem she was facing. He would do anything to mend and grow this relationship and he is ready to wait for her to talk, he was willing to even wait a million years for her.

"Little do you know I know you're hurting while I'm sound asleep"

Draco knows, he knows that Y/n is hurting when he sleeps peacefully, he knew that silent tears slipped down her beautiful face which he had caused and he is well aware that she isn’t ready to talk to him about it just yet, but he still has been and will be her supporting pillar even when she isn’t ready to talk to him and he would assure her, that she could lean on him no matter what the circumstances may be. Draco is and will always stay and never leave her, he could and would never.

"Little do you know all my mistakes are slowly drowning me"

Draco has always been a disappointment to his parents, whatever he might do he would never be able to reach his parent's expectations and he only hoped he didn’t disappoint his beloved Y/n, but he yet again disappointed her as well himself. He knows the mistakes he made which broke her, the reason he left during the night was that his ex apparently didn’t move on, Pansy Parkinson called him during the night to which Draco declined far too many times but she wasn’t so easily convinced, to prove her that he has for the matter of fact moved on, he goes and shouts, scowls, and throws insults at her during the night and when he comes to his dorm and sleeps he forgets that he has a girlfriend who is waiting for him, who cares about him. He disregards her as he is fed up with Parkinson’s unnecessary accusations about him still not moved on. Draco ignores Y/n in the hallways, not showing affection because he is not used to such a loving and passionate relationship as the ones he had with his parents and his ex were toxic. He didn’t know how to show that he cared but not mess up while doing so, he was afraid that she might leave him and he tried his best to show and convey to her that he cared, but as he was used to being the cold, mean git he is, he, unfortunately, couldn’t show this. It killed him from the inside to see her hurt, to see her sad, he couldn’t bear the thought that he was the reason why she was broken, it was his actions that made her go depressed and he was angry at himself, he wanted to kill this very person who was in him, the very person who made her sad made his darling Y/n sad. Y/n on the other hand blames herself for not showing him enough love from the start, if she had done that she wouldn’t have been in a situation like this, Draco blames himself as his actions were the solemn reason why she had suddenly become so miserable.

"Little do you know I'm trying to make it better piece by piece"

While Y/n here, is picking herself piece by piece and fixing herself, Draco is patiently waiting for her and trying his level best to not make any more mistakes and not to break more parts of her fragile heart. He is trying to be more open to her and slowly- slowly showing his soft and sweet side to her so she feels safe and trusts him that he would never judge her or leave her alone, he tries to make more amendments to his previous actions, he now has asked his best mate Blaise Zabini to make Parkinson leave him alone, he has now started showing more affection towards her, make her feel loved and cared. She too is slowly and slowly noticing changes in Draco and his behavior and she is too taking time to adjust, Draco is hopeful that he would make her life much better than before but he wants to start slowly.

"Little do you know I, I love you 'til the sun dies"

Y/n and Draco love each other endlessly, Draco had not been as expressive as he should have been, Y/n had to give Draco time to show his love for her. The pair indeed have a lot of hardships in their complicated relationship but in the end, love conquers all. Draco and Y/n might not be the perfect couple as people may say but they are indeed made for each other, their love for each other doesn’t vanish, it stays even though the other thinks they are not happy with this relationship their undying love for each other never goes away for even a split second, they truly care for each other and want to cherish every moment they have together, just the way of expressing it is different in them. Mutual understanding is all that’s needed. Draco does, in the future improve their relationship and took it to new heights, he showed her everything, from the clouds in the sky to the stars in space, and much beyond that, he showed her how he loved her. Till today, Draco has never let Y/n down, he loved her and Y/n loved him more than anything. The way I would as a writer describe this relationship would be,

“More than anything in a relationship love is always at its peak,

The way they loved each other was always fascinating and unique,

Thou shall never leave such a pure and exquisite love,

As nothing, not even life can come above,

Save this for yourself, oh Y/n! Before the sunrise,

As someone who has never been loved would cherish it for the rest of their life. “

- someone who hasn’t been loved

A/n- Heyyy, so finally I have posted my first ever fic!! Hopefully, you liked this and yes, I am the one who has written the quote (hehe). These are the kind of fics I will be posting on this blog. And please do tell me if anything needs to be improved, your thoughts are always welcome! Take care and bye!

Also, I forgot to mention earlier, I will be writing Fluff, angst basically SFW fics here, Thank you!

Tagging some mutuals- @littlemissnoname13 @babydraco04 @panda-noosh @mellifluousart @e-m-christina @ravenclawwolf13 @loopy-lupinn @ladyvesuvia @elysian-i @dracosathenaeum @sleepy-kody @drawlfoy @pottahishotasf @lilmissquackson @nevilleismywhore