#i am going to start screaming soon | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

megkuna · 8 months

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feeling the kind of neurotic that only comes from being cooped up inside during winter this long. should i make it worse by reading bataille

#i could start the year repeating so many mistakes #i need to go somewhere but it is 10 degrees outside #had brunch plans but my friend cancelled cuz of all the ice #i am going to start screaming soon #it's the deadly combination of like read bataille listen to ethel cain stay indoors write fic that makes me feel unwell and so on #my friend wrote me 5 messages yday giving me professional career advice but i don't think. she understands where i'm at mentally rn #you know what my mom should have left theory of religion at home

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dipplinduo · 1 month

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(❀◦‿◦) BYFILWM Chapter 6 Teaser

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dribs-and-drabbles · 1 year

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WE'RE GETTING THE WHOLE SQUAD TOGETHER?!?!

#our skyy 2 #bad buddy #I am not ok #screaming crying etc #you get the drill #things that make me go alskfjald;glkdfg #sorry this photo is so bad #I WAS EXCITED!#the series starts 19 april!!#IT'S SO SOON

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st4rguy · 2 months

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Going to run away to the forest and eat roadkill. Because of The Stresses.

#I am nearby a forest. I could do it.#i await an email…#I have checked my email more in the last 24 hours than i have my school email in my life #I’m going to start biting and screaming soon

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clonewarsahsoka · 25 days

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Been fighting against my own brain alllllllllllll day

#would love to not constantly think thoughts that make me deeply uncomfortable please and thank you #i do things to distract myself but as soon as i start thinking again its all over #and on top of these particular upsetting thoughts i also opened a terrible emotional can of worms last night #AND THEN I VOULDNT SLEEP AFTER NOT SLEEPING THE NIGHT BEFORE #so i am extremely sleep deprived. feeling an overwhelming amount of emotions. AND fighting against upsetting thoughts #like..... i am going to scream.....#ive already cried twice today and im expecting a third at least #i dont even know hoe im hoing to sleep tonight becausw all of my problems are in my brain #FUUUUUUUUCK

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somecunttookmyurl · 2 years

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i think you just slightly cured my fear of spiders because i can't stop laughing at the thought of this spider going through all the stages of grief as the world gets flipped (again)

"...and then i moved over to the big lot next door and it flipped upside down AGAIN"

"have you been on the whiskey again"

#idk how anybody can be afraid of (non poisonous)* spiders #bc if you think about the world from their little many-eyed viewpoint for a few seconds it's like #yeah okay this interaction is objectively worse for you i am millions of times bigger than you #and just flipped the world upside down #maybe the second time - having survived the first - is less horrifying but still #there's no way that's going better for you than for me #*there is of course a healthy amount of fear to be had towards spiders who could - if not kill you - hurt you a lot #screaming and panicking is unlikely to help you out there either though #given things mostly hurt you as a fear response if they feel threatened #and i dunno about you guys but i would Feel Very Fucking Threatened if an unfathomably large giant started screaming at me #i'd feel pretty threatened as soon as i encountered an unfathomably large giant #but definitely incredibly threatened if said giant then began deafeningly roaring and trying to squash me #rather than just like.... leaving

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loverboybrightsideghost · 4 months

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it's gonna be so over for me once i finally get to see wicked life

#as soon as i hear those trumpets i just know im either gonna start internally exploding from not being able to scream or ill just #straight up sob #im not even talking about the movie im talking about the musical #relistening to no one mourns the wicked again and getting fucked up thinking about glinda #'goodness knows the wicked's lives are lonely/ goodness knows the wicked cry alone' SHES TALKING ABOUT HERSEEELLFFF AAAFGGHHHFSGDFSD #oh glindaaaaaaa #now i myself do not think glinda is 'wicked'#i dont think anyone in the story is #but it IS a story about what it means to be wicked #glinda was always the 'good' one #but now at the end. who is alone. who cries alone.#GFGAFDSFGAFDJBHAC #me when the award winning cultural icon musical is really good #my first ? musical obsession and ITS GOING STRONG #its just latent. like so many other things. i am if nothing else a storage of love and enthusiasm for Things.#anyways #bluebird.txt #wicked #she died alone...

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tricoufamily · 10 months

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just finished one of my 438439 final projects in one eight hour sitting

#started working as soon as i posted that associations tag so yeah 8 hours straight no breaks :)#actually genuinely crying screaming at the computer #it works perfectly though. hacker man #it's now 4:30 am and i am going to bed

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ifyourereadingthisblinktwice · 3 months

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i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it

#i feel like it’s getting worse too #like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad #why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it #making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever #it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation #i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with #/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what #that action is #besides the two options i said before #or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week #problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule #i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat #so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes #i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory #of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3 #having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream #anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow #me rambling #i love being undiagnosed #but let’s be real #being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse #because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation #and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them #feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do #vent

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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You don't understand how unhinged I feel trying to construct an ending for Bleach that I personally would enjoy while knowing Bleach does not deserve my time and also not remembering enough to actually make anything coherent. And yet here I am.

#god. no one gives a fuck abt bleaching. i am screaming into the void. y cant i put this energy into being productive #i just want there to be themes and a satisfying ending. and ending that is sad and yet happy #i just think. for me. ichigo kurosaki died on the night rukia pierced him with her zanpakto. oh fuck i cant spell. fucking strap in #i kno he didnt technically die according to the rules of the universe but i think as soon as ichigos soul left his body. that body became #a corpse. so when he goes back into it its not suitible to live in anymore and he only starts to feel that with the fullbring arc #i think when rukia jumpstarted his powers she lit the fuse of a bomb and becoming a visor allowed him to chanel his resentment #bc he does resent. ichigo is an emotional person. he felt emense guilt when his mothet died bc he felt he couldnt protect her bc he was #being raised to protect. the boy has a complex and its kinda fuckrd up and its 1000% isshins fault. so when thr opportunity comes for #ichigo to sacrifice himself for his family he does and he literally and metaphorically dies. his life from that point on is overtaken by #death. so what do we do with ichigo after everything is said and done bc he cant go back to being human he cant be a living corpse. he has #to go to the soul society. bc i like to imagine everything hes done to his soul. his twisted cosmically weird special boy soul. hes like a #bomb. its unstable and they need to teach him to control it so he doesnt tear a hole in reality and let thr hollows pour in. so its safer #if that happens in thr soul society. and rukia lil miss ice princess can teach him to do that. i would also make it weird with god stuff but #i never read the blood war stuff so i dont kno enough abt the gods. also i would make rukia more at odds with everyone who was gonna let her #fucking die and who overlooked her bc she should b held with more reguard for her fighting. but misogyny 😒 so then what do we do with #ichigo in thr soul society? i cant stand the idea of him becoming part of the institution. i cant. i think he should be rogue. rebell. idk #train to be strong and battle agaisnt the 13 court guard squad who r clearly going to try to control him as he tries to control himself.#send my boy to therapy so he can control his reatsu? is the the word? idk. maybe he should go to that dead dog district and look for kids #with spiritual pressure. he needs to feel useful. maybe id just give him weird god powers. i am an ichigo special boy apologist #thats as far forward as i can think. ichigo has to b dead. has to learn to control his power before he can go fight. rukia can teach him #he rebells against the institution. encourages rukia to go apeshit bc fuck everyone. and then idk. he keeps trying to save ppl forever #or he dies and destroys the universe. a big ball of resentment and bad feels and secrets upon secrets upon secrets. god y am i thinking #abt this so much. ive got bullshit to deal with. anyway. idk i just like ichigo a lot and i think thr ending to bleach is th worst forever #bleach ramblings

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rainbow-burst · 8 months

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I being so fucking normal about this fit on him rn I'm beingsofuckingnormal I'm beingsofuckin nor-

#you have no idea how fucking long I've been drooling crying begging and just screaming for them to do a Lost boy kill count #like I just watched the podcast maybe like a week ago and I'm just like rocking back and forth on my bed like they're going to post a video #<--real soon #and oh my God I watched the video of the kill count in there's so many things I wish they talked about on there but I'm grateful to get it #they did talk about the sequels and.....ekkkk... I mean it's only based off of high demand so let's hope to God no one talks about it #or send any emails for them I mean if they talk about the remake that's fine I haven't really seen that one I know Sebastian stan is in it #oh my God I feel like I'm about to be so fucking annoying about the movie again I think I'm going to just start posting random shit about it #also lately I've been more happy to be posting and drawing again than usual #so I might be back on doodling and drawing random shit or actually I've been having more confidence in myself to start posting doodles #why do I bring that up because oh I don't know...wink wonk 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤗🤗 😉😉😉😉😜😜😜#my laptop kind of sucks now so I'm going to buy a new one probably this month or next month so I'll be drawing and posting doodles #I'm also thinking about posting some of my recent sketches I have in my notebook but don't expect any Picasso or Vince Van Gogh for me #I know I'm good but like I'm not that good lol im jking kinda sorta maybe not relaly okay yeaj am BUT!!!#I feel like I'm back on my drawing shit again and if I don't finish your drawing I'll just still post it because why the fuck not I'm young #let's fuck around and have some fun why not huh #man I can't believe I'm actually really rambling here but yeah I'm happy to say that I'm going to be back on my stupid shit ❤️#kill count

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sharky-the-idiot · 1 year

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i did my duty as a spacecoco shipper and made art of them, will share later 😁😁

Also I just noticed that cigarette duet is 4:20 long that had to have been on purpose

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momochiiee-reblogs · 10 months

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Being screamed at for things that aren't my fault seems to be a norm in this house

There's cookware scattered an dirty? Guess who gets blamed for it? The exact one that almost never has spoons for cooking in the first place

I live cleaning the trail after me so they won't have any reason to scream at me, but my brother leaves absolute messes behind him and the screams are for me

Fuck off

#momochiiee mussings #then people ask why it's almost impossible to hear me walking around #I've grown used to avoiding at all costs being noticed and leaving anything that can tell I was through there #when I get up from the table I'm always told to put their dishes in the dishwasher as I am putting mine #then the days I'm not around no one fucking cleans the table after themselves and I am still the one that gets called dirty and messy #my room is a mess YES. but the rest of the house isn't my room and therefore Isn't my living space and I must make sure I do not litter #I clean my own room when I have the spoons for it and refuse for anyone else to do it for me. it's my mess and I must deal with it myself #why do they insist I am to blame for their own mess of the kitchen when I barely have the energy to cook once a month???#and it's not like they don't entrust other chores to me #but I digress I'm just mad because I've been blamed for the mess my dad and brother did and blamed on me just because I went there #every time I happen to have the energy to cook they complain about my cooking or blame messes on me even if I handwash & put away everything #it would be nice if they spared a fucking word of appreciation every now and then #I'm not asking them to call me endearingly but at least to not spit on any tiny effort I manage to make... or blame me for their mistakes #I'm starting to see how as soon as I am rendered jobless mid December I'll start to get screamed at again more often #and get the I'm a nuisance treatment because I can't afford basic stuff anymore #it's going to be a long year for sure... but I must put my all on the intensive classes so I can score a good job #If I manage... I will finally be able to get out of here and have my own space without any more screams #and without them brushing off my sensory triggers every time I try to explain how certain things and situations get me anxious af

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silverislander · 1 year

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i tried an energy drink today to see if it would do anything and. well. it didn't. it made me fucking tired is all. and now i'm mad that i'm tired, bc i have a paper to do and i STILL CAN'T FOCUS ENOUGH TO DO IT

#screams cries rends clothes etc #like. jokes aside i need to write this goddamn paper. its not due Soon but it has to be started bc im working this week and the next #and i know that fucks w my ability to do school work real bad #i was kind of hoping the caffeine either wouldnt do anything or would actually make it easier to focus. nope. just tired #levi.txt #just. i only have 2wks left to school. this is my only paper #its ALWAYS a struggle to do things at the end of the semester anyway but this worries me #bc while this semester has been rough bc im so off my game #im just. terrified for next semester. when im taking 4 english courses at once #i dont know how im gonna do it. im petrified ill go and nuke my gpa bc all that work is gonna be nigh impossible to manage #i dont know why i let myself get talked into doing honours i am not good enough at school to do honours like this #not that im not smart enough! i think i am!#but i cannot focus enough to do this. and i cant get any help

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sanchoyo · 1 year

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you know what. I planned out my entire nanowrimo novel in a month then wrote double the length last november bc i had an outline to work off of. so like. theres absolutely no reason i couldnt just blitz a script for the comic in like, a month? I KNOW i can write fast jkdhjkad i could def do that...less excuses not to finish it if its already p much entirely planned in detail, right? 🤔

#like. going double over the length was a happy accident #altho being employed MIGHT slow things down a bit. i could write on my phone on my lunch break? i did that a lot with warm healer actually #probably 60-70% of that fic was written on my phone!#and if i hard limit myself to 30 pages max per chapter #and writing comics out is WAY FASTER just dialogue + like. stage direction ig would be the word #lil snippet descriptions + maybe thumbnails #....like...id wanna have a script to follow before starting but theres NO reason i couldnt do it quickish #i HAVE chapter plans/outlines in my notebook already! and just concepts floating around #perhaps i made the theme for it already. perhaps i am planning as i type this. who really knows #.......LIKE IT JUST /WORKS BETTER AS A COMIC/ IDK WHAT TO SAY. I GUESS. IN THEORY ITS HAPPENING. MAYBE. NO PROMISES BUT. MAYBE REALLY #TwT #i want to have 3 chapters done before i start posting so not done anytime SOON. btw. just..in the works....maybe....#sanchoyorambles #also id like to wait until tmmn is finished so i can see if i wanna incorperate anything from it into it but.#what if it DOES get a s3 lol #i use a lot of stuff from la mode too!! what if we got new lore!!#id scream

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david-watts · 1 year

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I really am beginning to get murderous impulses

#if she doesn't start respecting me she is going to very soon do something and I will not be able to control myself #and I will end up beating her into a pulp #and I HATE to admit that. I do not want to do that.#but I am so scared that I'm gonna get pushed too far and because I don't have flight or fawn options I'm gonna react with fight #I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of walking on eggshells.#I'm having trouble with my relationship with my m*ther because we're both targeted.#y'know. the woman who simultaneously neglected/enabled neglect on me and was far too close to me #whatsit. emotional incest? that isn't even scraping the top of it #the woman who thought it was real fun to chase me around the house and beat me up every time we washed up the cutlery #the woman who I now have a close relationship with that I DON'T WANT #I should've killed myself before we'd even left home #I should've hung myself the moment I heard the knocks at the door #I don't wanna live in a house where I'm scared of being gassed because she keeps putting bleach in the toilet and denying it #and I KNOW it's chlorine because of the smell #because there's a line of rust down the back of the bowl from the leak that she won't acknowledge #of getting beaten up for not wanting food poisoning #of her screaming at me that I don't have anything wrong with me despite evidence to the contrary #of her fucking with everything I own to the point where I'm gonna develop a hoarding problem OUTSIDE of the ocd hoarding #my grandpa and m*ther have!#I don't have enough of the symptoms to have ocd despite having a few of the major symptoms #but I think that's from other issues #but god. I'm gonna fucking do something drastic soon

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