#i am having a Terrible irl time

[padfootastic]

I posted 884 times in 2022

That's 800 more posts than 2021!

433 posts created (49%)

451 posts reblogged (51%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@padfootastic

@impishtubist

@greyeyedmonster-18

@narcissa-black-supermacy

@that-halloween-gay

I tagged 789 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#sirius black - 299 posts

#pen’s asks - 296 posts

#james potter - 160 posts

#harry potter - 151 posts

#prongsfoot - 90 posts

#pen’s notes - 60 posts

#good godfather sirius black - 58 posts

#pen’s writing - 49 posts

#ask game - 46 posts

#ppb - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#‘it was me’ ‘no pads i pulled u in’ ‘ur cowardly ass could never potter. i leaned in first’ ‘pls as if u you’d ever stop sighing to do that’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

anyway.

harry having the giggliest, easy to trigger laugh but the one thing that consistently has him cracking up is his dad laughing. like it’s just a never ending loop, harry would be sitting there on james’ lap, hands on his face, grabbing his glasses, mashing his cheeks together, giggling his little head off—james starts laughing—sets harry off even louder and both of them are just getting progressively redder and gigglier and it’s a riot for no reason.

(lily’s snort-laugh has a similar, if subdued, effect)

(sirius’ very presence supersedes all humor bc the little dude has Very Important Things to talk to him about which means being carried around everywhere, nonstop babbling, and all his attention directed towards one harry j potter. if sirius looks away for one second, harry will find grab his attention again bc he’s possessive like that. u can’t blame him, he only gets his godfather a few times a month ok?)

223 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

#4

okay remember harry’s dreams about a flying motorbike?

one of my dearest hcs is that sirius used to take toddler harry out on his flying bike, particularly when he was being fussy or refusing to sleep.

(a frantic james would mirror call him, begging for help because no one except sirius can calm harry down when he’s in strops like this)

he’d wrap him in a baby sling across his chest, take him high above the clouds, and point out the different stars & constellations w associated myths.

harry would fall asleep in minutes.

in the middle of a war, it was the most peaceful sirius ever felt

(anyone who knew—and when harry finds out post-poa—the first question is always ‘how tf did ur parents allow that?’ but you need only look at the way sirius was around his godson for the answer. he was so painfully tender, so protective that james & lily knew there was no safer place for their kid to be)

237 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#3

summary: sirius tells harry he’s proud of him and our boy’s brain just. stops functioning. doesn’t compute. (for this ask)

“I’m proud of you.”

Proud. Of you.

Proud.

The word kept echoing in his ears, like a church bell, or a gong, or a siren, or a—

Well. One gets the point.

What one doesn’t get, however, is how to react to that.

Someone—an adult—was proud of him. For the first time, in his entire life.

And Harry didn’t know what to do with that.

Perhaps that’s why he’d beat a hasty retreat to the loo, seeing the befuddled look on Sirius’ face but not being able to do anything about it. He had a freak out to get to.

It had just been an offhand comment, thrown out like it meant nothing, like it didn’t upend Harry’s entire existence on its head.

“What- what did you just say?” he’d stuttered, incredulously, definitely taking it more seriously than intended.

“Er- that I’m proud of you?” Sirius had repeated. Slower. Uncertain.

Harry didn’t reply to that—atleast, he thinks he didn’t. Just remembered the owlish blinking, letting the words sink in, wrap themselves around him like a warm hug that was slightly too tight. One you didn’t want to get out of, but had to, if you cared for your circulation.

And so here he was, still sitting on top of the toilet lid, head hanging between his knees, wishing fervently he had a paper bag to breath into. That- that was a thing that helped, right? He’d heard about it on the radio once.

It wasn’t even- they weren’t even talking about anything serious. Just his grades, for god’s sake. And it wasn’t like—he was Hermione or anything. He knew he didn’t do well, but he got by, and frankly, it had seemed good enough to him, what with the yearly, er, distractions that were thrown his way. He didn’t fail, but he also didn’t die. Win-win.

See the full post

330 notes - Posted March 23, 2022

#2

thinking of toddler harry who’s very, very attached to his godfather sirius (as he should be, really) and gets pissy whenever he goes for work. (yes, sirius is a 9-5er here. suspend all disbelief, folks)

so, to get a handle on the tantrums, sirius dresses harry in his own little formal clothes, robes and over cloak and silver clasp and fake wand holder and all.

‘look, siri, im just like you!’ harry says, every morning like clockwork. once they look absolutely alike, hair combed and tied neatly (little butterfly clips in sirius’ curls, ofc), they set off for the day. sirius conjures a little size-appropriate desk for him that he can sit at, gets him a briefcase and all. when u open it, it has all sorts of colouring materials, beads and strings and charms for DIY, and a little notepad with a pen for Serious Stuff.

throughout the day, sirius gets his work done while harry carefully does his own stuff. whenever he gets too fidgety, sirius sends him out on a ‘mission’—going out and evaluating how the rest of the employees are doing their work. harry, of course, takes his task super seriously and tries to emulate sirius’ Grown Up Face very diligently, walking with his hands behind his back and an adorable little frown on his face. of course, he’s so short he can’t actually see what anyone’s doing but everyone’s accommodating enough that he has enough information to relay it back to sirius in his office.

at the end of the day, both of them take their cloaks off the hanger, simultaneously sling it over their shoulders, and wave a goodbye to the remaining members in the office. when they get home, harry is still meticulously copying sirius’ actions so he neatly sets his shoes to the side, hangs his cloak on the rack, and falls face first into the sofa with an exhausted sigh of relief.

‘being a adult is hard, padfoot,’ is the last thing he says before drifting off to sleep.

392 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Do you ever think about the fact that Sirius and Remus were fully planning on murdering Pettigrew for betraying James and Lily? No reporting it to the Ministry and clearing Sirius’s name, just death. Sirius was already planning on killing Pettigrew for it, and once Remus learned about the Secret Keeper switch, he jumped on the “let’s kill Peter” train immediately, he didn’t even wait for the train to stop, he climbed on through a window.

i’m gonna be honest—the whole thing is just so hilarious to me 💀💀

i mean, i can still get where sirius is coming from ykno? the poor guy was in prison, had his mind basically turned into soup, and then vilified by everyone—no wonder he’s so fixated ykno?

but remus, my god. what a mad lad. i can honestly see where all the feral remus hcs come from bc the dude didn’t need two seconds before he hopped onto the homicide wagon. he was just so matter-of-fact about it too like, ‘oh well, guess there’s no other way than to literally murder the only piece of evidence they have to explain this convoluted mindfuck of a situation.

cares not one bit about the three kids who’ll probably be traumatised—therapy exists for a reason and kids r resilient dw—or how he’ll explain it to the authorities or why they’ll do with sirius after—stash him in the outhouse—like the man had absolutely no reason to be as murderous as he was 😭😭 he’d just found out the truth five seconds ago.

446 notes - Posted August 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[vanweezer]

that type of person who you think you'd be friends with in every universe - expressed through jim & corey - id/transcript in alt text

so this is a kind of not-so-surprise for my friend @sinclarsupremacy , bc they were the first person i showed this two and was on the phone with me the whole time while i made it. didn't give a single thing away until everything was scanned and done. five dead pens and one reliable sharpie later, i show him this. wanted to get used to drawing the slipsour guyz more but also wanted to articulate something i have troubles saying to important people. this is kind of an ode to all my close friends ive made who i definitely wouldve hung around some graveyards with, and an ode to some bands i didnt know id like as much as i do 🫶

[throwaway-yandere]

Hello! I'm so sorry for this— I really didn't want to ruin the festivities— but I need to open yandere fic emergency commissions; my target is 15 USD. My school uniform has been torn to shreds in the machine and I can't exactly budget this week's allowance since my university is rather strict based on the manual. I'd do my best to write a minimum of 3k words + a drawn GIF header similar to these

[I honestly don't know wtf I'll eat this week at this rate kinda panicking rn cuz my scholarship stipend still hasn't arrived for months hahahahahha. To put it in perspective, the uniform I need costs 8 USD why are they so damn expensive when the fabric has the lousiest threads in the planet, and I have F2F classes for 3 days straight starting this Monday to Wednesday, then again at Friday to Saturday and I usually budget my meals to be 1 USD. I'm SEAsian, I'm just converting the amount to USD but I eat those 1 cup of rice + hotdog every lunch but of course the university canteen closes at night and it's a bit more expensive outside hAHAHHA 😭😭😭]

I write for: genshin impact, honkai: star rail, fire emblem: three houses. Can be x reader or OC character [please provide information for the latter]. Here are some samples of my writings...

If the Pedestal Is Beautiful... (Zhongli)

Apotheosis Upon Your First Feast (Scara & Pantalone)

Classical Conditioning (Dottore)

I Got Reincarnated As A Server NPC (Diluc)

The things I don't write are: full NSFW smut scenes & adult/minor pairings

I'll put the commissioned fic a priority above all my other works. Please message me if you're interested. Thank you so much for taking the time to reading this, have a blessed February!!!

Edit: THE SLOT HAS BEEN FILLED OMG IM SO RELIEVED 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME OUT I CAN NOW WORK FOR MY ALLOWANCE THIS FEB 😭😭😭😭

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

[unovan-gardener]

UGH!!!!!!

[cordeliawhohung]

just wondering, are we going to get anymore in the soft spot Simon series?

i've got to be getting trolled at this point surely

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

[corset]

Been a while since I hated being alive but here we are

[judicent]

Yeah, I did fill 4 sketchbooks in 4 months so far this year. Huh? Am I gonna post even an ounce of it? Well, you see, I am allergic to my phone, so you will have to come CATCH ME

[crunchchute]

me itching to post some cosplay pics i just found because i look good there but also fighting for my life to Not post them cause i dont want my face online

[sailforvalinor]

.

[vaugarde]

ik its been said many times but yeah the showcases as a concept are just so massively flawed by the judging system alone bc the audience decides which one is the best. like yeah of course the one thats more popular and has an established region-wide fanbase is going to win

[ladyespera]

so i should have been finishing my citizenship application but instead i blazed through a bunch of online autism diagnosis tests (bc i've seen my friends doing it for months now and i knew that if i didn't do it quicklyyy i would angst over it for another 3 months)

in conclusion: first of all, for the RAADS-R test, i definitely scored above the threshold, and for most other tests as well. second of all: it went okay, but i do still really hate standardized tests about personality/mental stuff (i don't hate standardized tests in general even if i think they're not the best means of info gathering, and for some subjects i love them)(ie. for pathophysiology good, for literature bad). but it's just a constant struggle of second-guessing questions all the time, and to be honest, so many questions feel like they do not even apply to me in the first place, or are somewhat skewed by context/background.

e.g., do i enjoy social events/gatherings? well, usually yes! because they're so rare.

do i like having friends? yes!! bc i know so many friends who are also into my specific interests and projects that we can collaborate on.

anything academic or social related i think is also skewed by the fact that, well, i was homeschooled in K-12 and got to dive into school as much as i wanted and as much as was expected of me (which was apparently a lot, but, not forced?? my parent never hovered, in fact was quite hands-off, but they simply assumed we would take to it, and we did). in standardized testing in the 6th grade i was already scoring at a post-high school level (i.e. post-12th grade) in every subject, but i don't think that was any extraordinary achievement, that was simply a 'we must be doing a good job' result. no one in my family thinks that's abnormal, and i don't even think that myself; in fact, they (immigrants) would probably just say the US standards are abysmally low. i enjoy social situations now, but again, it's the social situations i choose to put myself into. why go to a social situation i dislike?

i felt that way about many questions - like, for example, can i tell if someone is getting bored by what i'm saying? yes, but will that stop me talking? depends. do i have difficulty doing something that doesn't interest me? you fool, i will simply make it into something that does interest me.

finally, there's age-related changes. as a child i used to be extremely scrupulous regarding scheduling, lists, room cleanliness, grammar, rules, etc. but as an adult i have loosened up considerably although i still like predictability.

the only thing that i find consistent is that i tend to have extremely strong interests in things. there wasn't any need for me to give my 9th grade teacher a cellular breakdown of how milk is created in a project on farm animals (listen - they asked how milk is created !!! it must mean on a DETAILED level right?), but i wanted to. for the record, the bibliography alone on that project reached 4 pages (wheeze). but to be honest, and i mean this sincerely, i am continuously surprised that this is apparently not how most people feel. to me, if the teacher is great and the subject is one you like, why wouldn't you? i wondered if it was instead that the class was just not the right fit for some students, and therein lies the problem - is it neurodivergence, or is it just the right environment that encourages specific interests? and, even if i am ND, i don't think i ever even thought of it while i was in k-12, bc i simply felt like all my 'eccentricities/interests' were encouraged. and so now in college i feel no need to hide anything. i would proudly march into my patho class in my flamboyant doctor who get-up or jedi robe - and then still do well. it does feel performative, but after all, i am in theatre for now...

i will say the one impression i strongly came away from in all this: my parents would probably both score MUCH higher on these (i have basically no sensory issues; my mom definitely does)(my dad is extremely precise and organized - but also, he is German ManTM).

[forbiddennhoney]

i hope all my friends who i don't talk to as much as i wish i did know they're constantly in my thoughts

[oflgtfol]

sorry i was thinking about this again earlier because my mom mentioned it again but like its so remarkable how much of a good mood ive been since zoloft like even though im working crazy fucking hours and i am exhausted im not like, in a bad mood really, ans i was thinking earlier about how just utterly terrible i felt just a few months ago and for the entirety of 2022 and it just feels like im a whole brand new person like i dont know how to describe it. i spent half my life so terribly depressed and suicidal all the time and i really did hit my absolute rock bottom from october 2022-april 2023 just unspeakably terrible and now i can barely even remember it. Maybe its part of the weird way that i kind of block out memories from the worst parts of my depression or maybe its because since everything these past few months life is actually looking up for the first time like, ever, and i just feel like such a changed person, or both even, but idk its just weird how i havent wanted to die in so long and the idea is so foreign now, just my whole state of mind just a few months ago feels so foreign now like it happened to a stranger and not Myself. its weird but im so glad