#i am losing my mcfucking mind

[bugslaststraw]

Having a borderline religious moment at the computer today

[zacksfairest]

THERE WAS NOOOOOOO REASON FOR THAT PREGNANT PAUSE IN WHICH HE LOOKS AT HER WITH A STEADY GAZE BETWEEN "LOSS" AND "DESIRE."

[underwhelmingalchemist]

Starting pride month with the pharmacy denying me my testosterone prescription until mid-June and my doctor saying she can't do anything about it because it's a controlled substance 🙃✌️

[sheila--e]

Man I'm having quite the issue with BOTH of my Shift buttons ever since this dumbass update showed up. It's either unrelated hardware error (weird cuz whats the chance both of the keys broke at the same time) OR some shit Windows just pulled. The keys work for a while then seemingly randomly stop working. I think its software tho, I even took the keycaps away and apart from some Dust and Grime nothing seemed out of the ordinary. My guess is that something stops working on the background of the computer and then it remembers "Oh shit yeah the keyboard." and restarts. I hate it here

[monitor-kernel-access]

.......... wait a fucking second.

is so. is he. IS SO? IS SO THE FUCKING,

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

august 17, 2021 4:00 a.m. paradise hotel

three hours later

[grant] you know, i didn’t get a good start to dealing with the whole “my body is broken” thing.

[henry] huh? oh, sorry, i'm awake and heard you; i was just surprised.

[grant] the first time that, um, i got really sick after my sister died, everyone just thought i was mcfucking mentally losing it. i mean, i was, but also i could not get out of bed, could not walk, couldn’t hold a toothbrush even because my hands wouldn’t move…

[grant] and my parents, who are medical professionals, wouldn’t take me to any doctor because they thought i was melodramatic.

[henry] you missed two months of school. we went different schools but i remember that. i didn’t see you for that two months either.

[grant] they only ever took me because they got tired of dealing with me, and they were getting in trouble for me being truant. and what do you know? like every other kid with something wrong, the answer was growing pains. you're tall for your age, so that's it!

[henry] doctors are stupid sometimes.

[grant] tell me about it. i lived with two idiot doctors for eighteen years. the proof is in the pudding.

[grant] and then, uhh, there’s the whole…

[grant] the whole college thing.

[grant] did i ever tell you how i became an addict, bud?

[henry] you’ve never wanted to.

[henry] i assumed it was because people try to numb childhood trauma. and i could tell something was not right with the college hockey team situation, but i didn’t know what or if that was connected at all.

[henry] it could have come from anywhere. most everyone in college does drugs. i smoked a lot of weed.

[grant] it’s both of your assumptions. there were a lot of things i needed to suppress, and i didn’t know how to control myself after tasting the slightest bit of freedom from my parents. but also…

[grant] the dudes on the hockey team hated me except sebastian. i just didn’t click. i wasn’t the right kind of person to fit in that very dudebro jock locker room.

[grant] so, on one hand, i started on a bunch of party drugs and alcohol because i figured out that when i got fucked up out of my mind, they finally found me funny, and you know how i am.

[henry] you are really desperate for people to like you and for you to not feel like you're imposing.

[grant] it’s totally true. i need to be liked. and need is the right word. it’s not as bad now, i've grown out of it a bit, but still, the feeling is there. i need to be liked and to not be anyone's burden.

[grant] yet that’s not the whole story.

[grant] i was, um, well, also illegally prescribed a lot of painkillers.

[grant] by the team's medical people.

[grant] my health issues were already there, but playing a contact sport made it worse. i'm gonna be honest, i don’t remember what happened, but i got some kind of back injury, and i went right back to that state i was in after my sister died.

[grant] seriously, same stuff. couldn’t really get out of bed, couldn’t function. at least not without...

[henry] oh god. i don’t like the way this sounds.

[grant] i was naive enough to hope that people might do the right thing for me once in my life, so i told the medical staff, like, hey, i'm suffering, and i need help. and they just kind of, uh, waved me off and said their job was to patch me up so i could be on the ice, not fix me.

[grant] i was already trouble in all the staff's eyes because i was the odd one out in the locker room, and that's not looked upon well. so, in hindsight, i should have seen literally all the red flags or should have been brave enough to just break down and see a real doctor elsewhere again, but i didn’t.

[grant] anyway, the team staff offered me opioids and i gladly took them. and they kind of sort of barely worked. so i took more. and more and more, and i mixed them with all kinds of other substances. like, i should probably be dead from the amount of mixing i did or from just the sheer volume of drugs i took. also, no one gave a fuck how many times a week i came in to ask for drugs as long as i played hockey good enough.

[henry] and you were good.

[grant] still, the pills never genuinely made me feel better. they just got me high enough to forget about suffering. that makes sense now because i have a diagnosis and have heard nothing but anti-inflammatories are going to really work on resolving the whole pain thing. too late for that, though. i'm an addict. yes, am, not was, even if i'm sober. so, i won't touch them now. i haven't in years.

[grant] but there you go! there’s the story.

[grant] that feels supremely embarrassing to have told, but i wanted to get it off my chest. you are my best friend. more than that. you're family. you're my brother. i don’t have to be afraid to tell you anything and you deserve to know the truth.

[grant] especially because you've never shied away from honesty and you stuck with me that whole time. i don’t think most addicts are lucky enough to have friends and family that patient. and i tried many, many times to push everyone away so i could destroy myself in peace. i wouldn’t blame any of you if you had given up on me.

[grant] yeah. it's not very kind of me to receive that much, um, grace and love and forgiveness, and not at least reward and thank you with the truth. the full and honest truth, even if you didn't ask for it. oh, and a window into why i am the way i am, why i keep my mouth shut.

[thegenvyisreal]

Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6 Thoughts (for real this time)

Let's just take this chronologically so I can lose my mind at the end.

Crowley in heaven! What a dork! He looks lovely I hope SO MANY PPL cosplay him.

OKAY. OKAY LISTEN. I know we never got Crowley's angelic name but that demon was a SERAPH I WILL NOT BE TAKING QUESTIONS. I AM A RAPHAEL!CROWLEY TRUTHER AND WILL BE SO UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE.

He's so powerful! Someone on here pointed out that when Gabriel in the recording said he was the only supreme (or level 1 or something?) archangel in heaven it panned immediately to Crowley. MY MAN. MY GIRL. CROWLEY IS SO IMPORTANT!!

Throwing encyclopedias at the demons and Aziraphale wincing, boy I feel you.

And shax made fun of Zira for liking food?? Okay fat shamer! Get fucked!

Wartime Halo Demon Bomb?? Great band name.

Crowley defusing a war with just saying "no, bad, do NOT"? The power he has!!

OMG

INEFFABLE

BUREAUCRACY

First of all, I THOUGHT the fly was a Beelzebub thing! I just didn't think it had Gabriel's memories in it.

Their little love story was cute, but explain to me HOW we were supposed to deduce why the jukebox is the way it is or WHY Gabe lost his memories without the Bureaucracy exposition??? NEIL YOU WANTED US TO FIGURE IT OUT BUT HOW???

Good for them for going off together but it's just so SILLY how THEY get to have that and our duo DON'T. I do not like it.

Okay. Let's get on with it.

So I DON'T get my angsty finale, but I do get something INFINITELY WORSE.

Maggie and Nina coming to Crowley to tell him what's up. Good for them!

Nina calling Maggie Angel I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR

Hell yes Derek Jacobi you're so lovely but I want to punch the Metatron in the FACE.

Why on earth would you get Zira THAT coffee?? He doesn't drink coffee!! Is this some power trip?? Is there SOMETHING IN THE COFFEE???

Aziraphale. Sweetie. Darling. Dear boy. You're so STUPID.

Crowley being like, I need to tell you this right now or I may never be able to say it. And Zira like, hold that thought! YOU RUDE LITTLE BITCH LET HIM SPEAK.

Aziraphale. WHY. WHY DO YOU INSIST THAT HEAVEN IS SO WONDERFUL AND GOOD!!! THEY SUCK!! THEY HURT PEOPLE!! YOU LITERALLY LIED TO THEM ABOUT JOB'S KIDS CUZ YOU KNEW THEY WERE WRONG!! WHY DO YOU KEEP DEFENDING THEM!!

Crowley confessing. Begging Aziraphale not to do this. Aziraphale not understanding why Crowley WOULDN'T want to do this. ZIRA AFTER EVERYTHING CROWLEY'S BEEN THRU YOU WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO HIS ABUSIVE FAMILY???

The kiss.

My heart shattered.

I've been waiting for this moment for over a month, and I got it in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY. Crowley's desperation, Aziraphale not knowing how to react. Not reacting at all. Crowley kissed him and he just stood there.

Sidebar: I KNOW that Aziraphale KNOWS that he's in love with Crowley. He KNEW in 1941. You dumbass. You imbecile. You fucker. Why.

"I forgive you".

LITERALLY MURDER ME

I want to understand him. I am Aziraphale-coded for sure. But I guess I'm also Crowley-coded?? Idk what to do with my feelings.

The WAY he SAYS the line. The ACTING from Michael. Bravo bb. THE WAY. HE SAYS IT. MY HEART IS ALREADY TORN OUT AND NOW YOU PUT IT THRU A MEAT GRINDER.

Excuse me Zira I have one question:

WHAT.

ON EARTH.

DOES HE NEED TO BE FORGIVEN FOR.

YOU ABSOLUTE TWAT.

I'm gonna commit multiple crimes.

Crowley just standing there HEARTBROKEN. He LOVES THAT ANGEL SO MUCH. HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM. I'M GONNA MCFUCKING LOSE IT.

And he just walks out. And Aziraphale looks just as broken. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

And after EVERYTHING. Crowley still waits by his car. Waits to see if Aziraphale will come to his senses and come back for him. But he doesn't. Zira even LOOKS BACK AT HIM before going into the elevator. How DARE you. How FUCKING DARE YOU YOU COWARD.

And you know??? You know what really gets to me?? You know what really cooks my noodle?? Besides the "I forgive you"???

Aziraphale's face journey in the elevator. How it lands, at the end, on a horrific smile. Bless Michael's acting skills cuz that is a horrible smile.

And Crowley just feels nothing. Completely broken. Like all of us.

I get it. I GET THE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE PARALLELS. @sycophantastic pointed it out, that it's a 3-act structure, and I know this is the "dark night of the soul" portion of the hero's journey. I GET. IT. I still hate it.

It took me forever to get to sleep last night. Like an hour and a half. Cuz my brain wouldn't shut up. And I dreamt about them. And it was awful and sad. And NOW we're going to a friend's house to watch the whole thing with her for the first time. Again. I have to endure this again.

I need QUITE EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL.

[alhilton]

it is 5 am and i am awake (at what cost) and i’m breaking my own heart over halvery my beloved 😭

i’ve been re-reading all the hunters universe books and i’m currently on arcove’s bright side (so i guess spoilers for anyone who hasn’t read that) and i’m fucking Losing My Mind over how in a previous hunters book (Truly do not remember which i am so sorry) that halvery loses a cub, one of his favorites, a three-year-old female, and i Wept reading the chapter “costa” when costa, Also Three Years Old And Female and his previously stated “favorite ferryshaft foal,” is running for her Goddamn Life from the curb pack and the creasia in the boulders, and costa has a near miss, and in spite of needing to not blow their cover, halvery just jumps ip and starts shouting, “good cub! perfect dodge! run, costa, run!” I JUST…… HOUAGH….. 😭😭😭

i am Inconsolable over them. it’s like he couldn’t save that cub but he (and storm) taught costa so well that she was able to save herself when she was in danger i al McFucking Losing It [melts into a puddle and is absorbed by the earth]

……. so uh goes without saying i love these books so much i’m so normal about them!!!

(sorry if there’s typos i’m blind without my glasses)

☺️Thank you! (And I hope your day was not too demanding without sleep!!)

The details you're noticing are more obvious on re-read, because Halvery tells Storm that story *after * this incident. Storm manages to be the only near-casualty. He is behaving more erratically than usual because he is still trying to come to grips with losing the foal before Costa. So Halvery tells him about this cub that he lost. Obviously it happened in the past, but from the readers POV, you learn about it after this chase. Halvery is trying to make a point about risk and parenthood. He is not actually drawing a line between his daughter and Costa, but an astute reader may notice parallels that Halvery himself is unaware of.

Thank you for being the kind of reader who notices things.

[pianostarinwonderland]

wow this event escalated quickly

Am I late in giving my thoughts? Oh definitely. Am I gonna still say them? Aw hell yeah, there's so much to say here man + I have Thoughts now on Rollo backstory

anyway spoilers spoilers for part 3 of Glorious Masquerade, this will be split to two parts

when things were still aight

Love that they're still able to squeeze in a bunch of references here. Like, they made a reference to the man in stilts. It's such a small small thing in comparison to the other references, but they still added it. It adds to the festivities though but like wowowow they really went off with the Hunchback of Notre Dame references

THE. TIGHTROPE. WALKER.

I'M GONNA SHIT MY PANTS BECAUSE WHY IS IT THAT THE ONES WATCHING THE TIGHTROPE WALKER ARE GRIM AND AZUL???????

ok you may be wondering why the fuck that's the thing that's making me go insane. Like, it's just Azul watching a tightrope walker doing their thing,,, and getting nervous as he watches them ,, and just being enthralled by it

BUT . SEE I WROTE THIS FIC 🧍I WROTE A WHOLE ASS METAPHOR OF AZUL AND A TIGHTROPE WALKER LIKE ?????????????????? DISNEY TWISTED WONDERLAND NOT READING MY MIND CHALLENGE FAILED ??????? WTF TWST WTF

in all seriousness, Azul reacting to the tightrope walker was. so. cute. 😭 The way that he was so nervous for them, the way he was like "it's a show, they'd have something to keep their performers safe" but would still feel nervous LIKE!!!! IT WAS SO CUTE THAT HE WAS THAT WORRIED PLS AND GRIM WAS ALSO SO WORRIED IT WAS CUTE and then when Deuce was like wow the ones who are watching this are Grim and Azul then he smiles and goes wow that's a rare sight LIKE LIKE DSKFNGSDNKGFLSNDKLGNSDKLNGLNKLNG MY FAVOIRTE KIBBY AND MY LOML TOGETHER WATCHING A TIGHTROPE WALKER,,,,,,, my heart , ,, ,

anyway, I really love that they went with topsy turvy as the name of the festival!!!! Like, it's so cute, it's so Disney, and I really hope Twst EN does not change this when they bring the event over to the EN version. I also super super love that the dancers get to use magic tambourines though! I love that they not only fit in the idea of masquerades being the place where the rich and poor gather and no one cares about hierarchies and such but that they also add in that non mages can experience having magic for even just a few hours 🥺 that's honestly so beautiful

Rollo being all sniff sniff over that though hmph

NOW THE INFAMOUS SEBEK WANTING TO SIT WITH MALLEUS MOMENT

like pls PLEASE THIS WAS SO FUNNY HE REALLY WAS TRYING SO HARD TO BE WITH MALLEUS EVERYONE WAS LIKE THERE'S NO SPACE BUT HE'S LIKE GTFO GRIM TO THE POINT HE'D DO ROCK PAPER SCISSORS

GUYS IMAGINE . ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WITH A TANUKI AND YOU FUCKING LOSE. I CAN'T

Azul going "you were deciding with a luck based game you should have prepared better" man this guy nskfkdnlskdskdngkg

I think I fucking lost it though when Rollo's like hi can I sit here too and the others were more accommodating about it

ESPECIALLY AZUL. I FUCKING LOST IT WHEN HE WAS LIKE 'oh of course you can sit here~! Grim can sit on Yuu's lap' LIKE HE WAS MOSTLY QUIET WHEN SEBEK WANTED TO SIT IN THEIR TABLE BUT WAS SO OPENLY WELCOMING TO ROLLO

guys pls it gives me life whenever I see people really try to be polite when someone they dislike tries sitting in their table but would be so welcoming to someone they like to the point they'd willingly live with the cramped space just for them to sit beside them

AND THEN MCFUCKING SEBEK WAS LIKE ?!!??!?!?!?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT THE LAP WAS AN OPTION AZUL SENPAI AND IDIA. IDIA SHROUD.

"because you're loud and we don't want you" I think we should have another Twitter poll on who burns the hottest in Twisted Wonderland and Idia Shroud should win that on the sole basis that that statement was a literal burn

this fucking exchange sent me though

Sebek) OK ANYONE OTHER THAN MALLEUS SAMA CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP Azul) do you know how big you are Sebek) ok then..... AZUL SIT ON MY LAP

not to be possessive but excuse me Sebek, Azul's lap is MY spot and Azul's only choices for a seat are the bench or MY LAP 😤 know your place smh

(this is a good time to remind everyone that I'm very very aight with sharing oshi/bias and I love seeing people share their love for Azul and fangirling with me)

anyway thank you Malleus for finally speaking up and telling Sebek that he was causing trouble because funny as it was, I would have actually been pissed off if I was in that situation. Poor Bekbek though, sent off to the other table. But hey, he had his equestrian buddies with him 🥹 not all was lost !!

Here's a part that actually got me thinking hard! When the show starts and the Fool narrates the tale of the Righteous Judge and the Kind Bellringer, it's done in the same way Clopin does it in the beginning of the movie. Except that in the movie, Clopin tells the children of how wicked Claude Frollo was. But here in Twst, the story has been twisted to show that not only was Quasimodo (the bellringer) kind but that Frollo was also a righteous judge whom everyone respected. And when there was a calamity in the town, it was the combined efforts of Frollo and Quasimodo that saved it. What's more is that nobody knows the exact calamity, just that it was crimson.

We already know that history seems to have been twisted, but understand that up till this point, the way we heard the history of Twisted Wonderland is through a 21st century group of students learning from the books and internet. Of course they're going to read what has been preserved.

But that show sharing the story, it was clearly an age old tradition that started since, or even before, the time of the movie. True, we can't be sure that the events of the Disney movies had happened in Twisted Wonderland. Yuu's dreams remain dreams until now with no clear meaning of whether they're dreaming about the true past or if they're even dreaming about an alternate universe where the Disney we know of occurred. Still, there may be truth to Yuu's dreams, so by that logic, you would think that those stories would be preserved and passed down. But no, they were twisted, to the point that nobody knows the calamity that struck the town. Rollo and Trein even bring it up, there's no literature that specifies exactly what happened, just that the streets were dyed crimson. That's the first time that the story has somewhat addressed the issue with their history. And that makes me fear a bit on what's going to come in chapter 7, when we'll be dealing with Lilia who has lived for so long.

On that note, I find it funny that the first conclusion the boys come up with for the "streets were dyed with crimson" part was that there was a fire. Like, y'all wouldn't think there was a war or some other conflict first?? 🤡 I mean, I get it's for the plot to flow but still, that's an interesting first interpretation lmaoo

OK LET'S TALK ABOUT THE DANCE OK .

congrats to Azujami stans for getting your ship to dance congrats Sebek for getting to dance with wakasama congrats to Nobunaga Shimazaki for getting your character to dance with your biggest fav

and congrats to me because I finally get to see Azul dancing and based on the story afterwards not commenting on everyone's dancing .. he can dance. He can dance. He can dance. I can actually live out my dreams of having a waltz with him. He can dance. I can dance. We can dance together.

@ Jamil and Ruggie how does it feel to be God's chosen ones

OK BUT WE CANNOT GO WITHOUT MENTIONING GRIM SPINNING AT THE END WE SIMPLY CAN'T. RHYTHMIC SINGLEHANDEDLY BECAME THE BEST RHYTHMIC IN THE GAME BECAUSE OF SPINNING GRIM. God I love this kitty, he is so cute keep doing what you're doing my love

and then boom fireworks of course Grim's the one who starts it. I found it so cute that NRC boys were like 'we can't lose to other schools! we gotta show them that we're the best!" and it's just setting off fireworks for the people. It is so cute. I love these teenagers;;;;

part 1.5: when things slowly start going to shit

ngl had to do a 1.5 because Tumblr has a 4096 character limit per block (like all those bullet points are one whole block of text technically)

so anyway, first i just want to say I really love how the Fool was like "hey this is a once a year festival let's dance some more" when people were like hoh fireworks??? Like, they managed to slide in one more reference to the movie, I really love these writers I swear

Now we really see things slowly going to shit. This episode, we do see Rollo being more disgusted with the festival, from the idea of rich and poor mingling together to mages in general.

Here's where it gets interesting though. As the students were setting off fireworks, Malleus approaches Rollo and tells him to join the festivities. Rollo then tells him that he and the students of NRC are strong mages. They shouldn't wield that power so carelessly, or at the very least, use it to entertain the townsfolk. Malleus' response is that he has a strong power, and it's up to him whether he wants to give it to people he likes.

I find their words very interesting. Let's start with Malleus: he views his power as something to be shared to others. It's a mirror to the three fairies who gave gifts to Aurora. This part alone really added a lot of depth to him because up till now, Malleus has an arrogant view of himself and his power. It's not entirely his fault, of course, he was raised with such high expectations and has seen how well he performs in comparison to everyone else. But that sentence, we know that Malleus is aware of his power. But the way he says that like it's a gift that he can choose to give to others. At that moment, it's pride but not arrogance. It's a pride over being able to do this and knowing that you can give something to other people with something that you have. I like that. I really like that.

Onto Rollo: what he says here is really interesting and I'll actually refer to this part later on in the post.

If you recall chapter 2, when Crowley explains the concept of overblot to us, Ace mentions that his grandma would always lecture him to not use his magic so carelessly and that it was due to overblot. See the connection between that and what Rollo said to Malleus? I'll leave this here.

Now Rollo asks us how we feel about being surrounded by mages every day. I think it's really interesting honestly that we get to be asked this the first time. And Yuu says that they either find it fun or that they're used to it. And the way that this puts off Rollo... ah yes, we love to see the face of one who will turn things to shit :33

I mean come on, if you've been playing Twst for a while, you should know by now what episode 3 in events like these is supposed to be: the part where things turn to s h i t

part 2: ah shit shit hit the fan

ah yes, my favorite crime: arson

so ngl this ep really sealed this event as my favorite event of all time but before we explain that, let's get to what's happening in the story

so the students get back to the school, and then they hear the bell ring four times. Very interesting, totally not sus at all

and THEN suddenly a bunch of crimson flowers grow and students start going down. Everyone's like shit fuck what the fuck

the way that they even affected Malleus,, like bruh thank God his guards were with him. That part was pretty eye opening for me actually. I always found it odd that Silver and Sebek were so protective of Malleus when he's so strong that he can defend himself. But that moment, he was stuck, and he could break out because of the two of them.

can I just say those battles had the weirdest opponents ever. Like . I commend them for inserting all the movie references but I think they overdid it with the cloaked men with flowers for heads. Like . help what is THAT .

when wehn Chenya and Neige saved Riddle & Deuce and Rook & Epel 😭 especially Chenya honestly. He saved Riddle because Riddle is his friend. Take note that Riddle was shielding Deuce but Chenya's the one taking the hit for Riddle. This guy,,,, he really cares about Riddle, it is So cute

ALSO THE ANGY CHENYA SPRITE IS HOT OK, I FUCKING LOVE IT

I love the Neige memes that came out of this event honestly. I need to abuse them KDSNFKSFDJSKGDSG

absolutely love how by some miracle (aka plot convenience), all of NRC is still standing. good thing we're here because that plant nearly killed us but turns out being magicless is a gift for once

New piece of lore! The flowers that sprouted all of a sudden are actually extinct flowers that have the ability to absorb one's magic. They are capable of absorbing all their magic to the point someone is left magicless. People have started speculating them to be based on the flowers in Maleficent 2, which were used to kill fae. It's quite terrifying, those little flowers.

So anyway we find out Rollo's the baddie behind this. Everyone's obviously fucking pissed the moment he walks in

And here's an obligatory Azul lovemail from me because hey,, come on. Everyone's pissed at him. But somehow, Azul still has the calmness to go "oh my oh my that sounds like something a bad guy would say" like bruh,,, how can you still be so FUNNY during these trying times

AND THEN WE GET A GOOD LOOK AT ROLLO'S FRENZIED FACES 😳 I think that Twst live2D artists should calm down with the feral faces they are making them too hot

anyway here's where he says that he wants to rid Twisted Wonderland of all its mages. And like hey look at him, he actually has the means to do Just that and that's actually terrifying

bruh Silver and Sebek were actually ready to throw hands at him. they were gonna use their bare fists. pls let Sebek's groovy be him punching Rollo that would be fun

ah shit trapdoor ah shit we're falling down OH HEY MALLEUS IS SAVING US man that was actually really sweet of him 🥺 I'm not a Malleus stan but even I felt touched and a bit excited seeing that part. He really rushed to our aid <3 Malleus stans won so hard

So anyway everyone's safe, Trein saves everyone with his magic go Trein we stan best prof

NOT AZUL BEING SO HAUGHTY KSFHKSDHFJKSDKGBJKSD he's like aww thank you Trein for saving us but I was also prepared to save myself too

idia being like is now the time?????? God this duo is gonna end me one day

but honestly I can relate to that haughtiness it hurts

so anyway weeding time

if you can't magic the flowers away, gotta do it the old fashioned way

Love how Ruggie and Epel are like PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT DO IT FASTER

that crack though,,, poor Trein, may your hip rest in pieces

sadly, there's too many flowers and they can't all weed them out so Ruggie and Idia just go "uhh every man for himself then?"

CUE TREIN CRYING LNSGNKSFDNLSDLNLSDG "where did I go wrong in my teachings huhuhu RSA protected you and this is how you repay them huhuhuhu" HE ACTUALLY CRIED HE HAD TEARS IN HIS SPRITE,,,,,,

and of course. of COURSE Azul goes "oh of course we'll help, this is the perfect opportunity to get mages into our debt" like ,, ,like how can you be so ONE TRACK MINDED ???? literally the world is on fire and Azul will still think about putting people in debt. Riddle is like smh but he's like somehow seeing Azul being Azul calms me down

ah I love Azul, of course he's the first one to figure out that the flowers were Rollo's plan since the very beginning and that the symposium was all a way to bring mages to one place and wipe them out. you and your scheming-ness actually helps out from time to time

But then Idia solves the big mystery: it was to lure Malleus. Damn, these two I swear

and . oh no. oh no Malleus please don't please don't go cra—

"ROLLO FLAMM I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU" boom crackle lightning ahhhh shit there he goes

ok but the mUSIC IN THIS PART 😭 WHEN SEBEK AND SILVER WERE SAYING THAT MALLEUS WAS SO EXCITED TO HAVE BEEN INVITED TO SOMETHING THAT HE RESEARCHED ON THE CITY OF FLOWERS AND HAD THE DATE CIRCLED ON HIS CALENDAR. THE MUSIC WASN'T EVEN SAD OR SERIOUS, IT WAS THE FUCKING TWST EDITION CLOWN MUSIC THAT PLAYED

AND JAMIL GOING THAT'S IT?????? THAT'S THE REASON???????

Jamll I'll have you know that yes being invited for once in your life only to be lured to a trap meant to take you down is a very valid reason to feel upset like come on I feel sorry for the dude he's been wazowski'd at least three times by Disney pls have some sympathy

so Malleus' magic actually causes some flowers to wither and Epel being the local farm boy notices that they were overnourished by the magic

and then of course Azul and Idia figure out what to do. Of course it's the two of them.

so the bell of salvation rings four times to give the town magic and shit like that. so what happens if it's rung a few more times than that? Magic overnourishment wheeeeeeee

I genuinely hope there's no such thing as humans getting overnourished by magic because imagine there's a suddenly long line to the hospital just because people got sick from magic overload this is gonna go to Crowley wheeze

TREIN THOUGH BEING WORRIED FOR HIS STUDENTS HUHUHUHU AND HE EVEN REFERRED BACK TO THE STORY OF THE BELL RINGER AND THE RIGHTEOUS JUDGE

because the righteous judge was the one who told the bell ringer what to do to save the town. So you know, Trein in all his cracked hip glory would want that he's the one who rings the bell while the students stayed behind. But if the righteous judge trusted the bellringer whom he saw as his son, then Trein will trust his students

slay what a great prof you are Trein I hope more profs turn out to be like you

.. but he's still gonna make himself bait . and Yuu and Grim will be with him of course

and anyway yay time for NRC to do their badass thing

final thoughts

Okay so why did this episode make this event my all-time favorite? See, up till now, all the Twst events have been really light with not much real danger that happens. Halloween 2 honestly was the event that made me so so hopeful that there was actually going to be something that happens. But then it only resulted in a prank??? Do you know how disappointed I was with that ending??? 😭 I wanted something thrilling and we didn't get that.

But here we have something ruthless, something actually dangerous. We saw Malleus needing help from his guards, we saw Chenya and Neige go down. Those were extinct flowers that pose a real threat to them as mages. This event was not afraid to be like this even when we know that there is going to be a happy ending after all this is said and done. I'm just so happy that we got such important pieces of lore that I have always wanted ever since 2020.

no like come on, I have this post that I wrote on November 19, 2020, and I say, word per word:

There is another unique magic that I thought of, but it’s for a potential new character.

It’s a bit similar to Riddle’s, except it has a more permanent effect... the unique ability to take away one’s magic. Think Amon from the Legend of Korra, and yeah that’s really the idea. I’d love to see a truly villainous character with that unique magic, and they target NRC for evil reasons. Crowley would be alarmed, and the students themselves would be on guard.

.. ok it's not a unique magic that Rollo is using, but he IS a skilled mage. AND ASIDE FROM THAT, WE LITERALLY GOT THIS ... pls you have no idea how happy this makes me.

Onto my next thoughts, I have two prevailing thoughts over this event. First about Azul (of course lol) and the other being about Rollo.

So on Azul, generally I'm so happy to see him joking around more often. Either he's opening up more or he's always been this funny and we just get more opportunities to see this side of him. 🥺 But I want to draw your attention to not just his humor but his mental fortitude.

Azul's sass comment towards Rollo and his whole "we can get people in our debt!" were hilarious, but it speaks of something deeper about him. In chapter 6, Idia does mention Azul's mental fortitude, but we really see it here. Everyone's tense, everyone's stressed, some of them considered giving up. Azul is angry, he's stressed about this situation too. But he's still being . himself. Like, he's still scheming to get people in his debt. He's still able to throw in one haughty or sassy one liner. And he was still able to think during all this. He was still able to figure out Rollo's plan along with Idia, he was still able to figure out that they could all go to the bell tower and ring the bell 248230923048082353 times until all the flowers die. Sure, maybe it's his coping mechanism. But still, he's not letting the stress get the better of him. Azul is still .. being Azul, even in the face of a disaster. And that's such a huge source of comfort too especially when you're in the situation yourself.

Now onto Rollo. So you really can see his discrimination and hatred against magicians mirrors Frollo's hatred for the Romani people. If you remember what I mentioned about what he says to Malleus, good because that part is important for this.

I believe that Rollo's hatred is heavily influenced by indoctrination from when he was young. It's very possible that he discovered he had magic pretty late, so it may have been in his formative years where he was indoctrinated to believe that mages are evil. It's likely in the kind of institution he initially was. Probably some really really conservative Catholic school that taught that witchcraft was the devil's work.

However, I think that that hatred was further solidified by overblot. It makes sense, no? Overblot in a sense is a manifestation of one's most corrupted self. It's a combination of overuse of magic and one's negative emotions. And it's one thing to just know the existence of overblot. It's another to witness it yourself (or even... experience it yourself...).

Consider: Claude Frollo from the book is an orphan. His parents are dead. What if his parents were taken because of overblot? OG Claude Frollo also has a younger brother. What if that younger brother was affected too? It could also be that the parents themselves overblotted, or there was a monster that rampaged over his home. Or perhaps... he himself overblotted... and he hated himself so much that he spills it over to the rest of humanity.

In any case, I can't wait to see if they'll reveal Rollo's backstory. Would love to see an overblot too honestly wwww but it is an event story. The chances of seeing an overblot are not that high.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this long long LONG ramble. I'm really really excited for next Monday uuuuu

[chthonicrose]

I am, to be perfectly frank, probably going to mcfucking lose it a little bit when my best friend who I have lived with for ten years moves to canada in 3-6 months

like. it's fine. obviously he should move to canada and live with his spouse. I'll be fine. I am just. also going to probably lose my mind a little bit from the enormity of that change. we have lived together our entire adult lives.

[galaxysharks]

maddox thinking jet is growing up faster than she is i am. losing my mcfucking mind

She keeps track of the typical teen milestones that he's passing.

First party

First gf

First drink

And she thinks of the things she hasnt done, and doesn't feel ready for.

But Jet watches her skip ahead to checking on bills and budgeting rent and keeping an eye on his grades....and he feels like a child.

[cloudytomboy]

I have decided to download tiktok and dedicate my algorithm entirely to spiritual, evangelical, and conspiracy content and it’s much more fun than before when it was just the app that made me feel bad about myself and others but jesus christ i am realizing how much I cannot fucking stand psychics. The other people are fine sometimes the evangelicals have interesting things to say and the conspiracy people are at least fun. If i see one more white woman with horn rimmed glasses tell me something about how tinnitus is ghosts trying to send me nudes in my minds DMs or some shit i will mcfucking lose it

[underwhelmingalchemist]

I am losing my McFucking Mind

[lettucedloophole]

cw vague discussion of sexual stuff and Tmi stuff about transition (Transgener) and also just me journalling my feelings

this is gonna sound Crazy but i think porn (and cishet boys making porn noises. do not miss when that was peak humour) made me dysphoric about the way i moan 😭

i get a little distressed worrying about if my reasons for transition are disproportionately sexual or overly related to misogyny, but it would make sense that they would be sexual because Thats the site of Misogyny, and ultimately i do think misogyny caused some of my dysphoria, if not most of it, though i can't say all because i think in a genderless society it would be quite natural to alter your body-- going on hormones or getting surgery would be like getting a piercing or tattoo, but hopefully without the prior distress of the Imposition of Gender and yknow. Patriarchal Discrimination.

i'm pretty certain i would be happy living with the effects of hormones day to day (except balding. will go Livid if that happens tho i mean... i like shaving my head a lot and odd haircuts so it probs wouldnt be a big deal but i want the option of growing it out to remain) but im not sure if i can say the same about bottom surgery. it seems like other trans ppl are so sure 😭 and i mean it's not like it'd be feasible for me to get it for a long time anyway but i might as well think about it in the mean time... i'm kind of ambivalent abt my vagina. but i wonder if i could be happier with something else? but i don't want to Not have a vagina in Case though (i dont think i can do anal. not willing to prep that much 💀)

so i always thought if i would get bottom surgery i'd go for a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty but i saw a pretty good meta result some days ago that's making me reconsider. and then it makes me think like, what do i want a dick for? it seems kind of.. troublesome to have an organ between ur legs. i think i'm focused a lot on ejaculation (oh yeah this post is def getting a cw) but that's not something i can do with a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty, i think. and then there's the question of clit burial and i naturally lean towards not burying it but i think i would prefer to bury it if i was sure .. and idk the complication rate cos if i lose sensation (i'm fine with doing a forearm graft) i would Lose my Mcfucking mind. i think maybe. and it's scary since there's a lot of surgeons out there who just seem to want to hurt trans people. but i'm fat anyway so i would probably not even be accepted for surgery lol 😭

so it's probably never even going to be possible for me. i take comfort in the idea that i can pack and bind and sort of. try b4 u buy. yk 🫡👍 tho im not getting top surg bc i dont wanna and i feel like i have some body acceptance to do in regards to my boobs. im rly ,, ashamed of them bc i have lots of acne scars and other scabs (caused by me. picking at my skin. either scrapes or acne lmao) and i think i would be happy with them and a lot more of my body if i could stop picking at shit and have those scars clear up. its acc so isolating to have this issue so shoutout to the one lady i followed on twt who posted a proud boob pic with some boob scars or acne (or as i call it boob-ne. like back-ne but it doesn't rhyme but it sounds funny) or smth. that made me feel less alone and not ugly 🙏

i have a lot of scars on my shoulders (Prime skin picking real estate) and the center of my chest but i still wear clothes that. show those areas sometimes and i wonder if ppl think im brave. bc i'm not i just try not to think about it after the clothes are on and i'm outside of my room Doin Stuff . same with the cutting scars on my arm but mostly my thighs. no one has ever really brought up my picking or self harm scars save for the first time my dad saw my self harm scars (that was a doozy) and this one time my dad's friend looked at my facial acne and gave me a recommendation for some product (i know she meant well but. girl 🙃) and i am so fucking thankful for ppls silence. like please just let me exist

i saw one of my childhood friends recently and Embarassingly enough i had a Mental Illness moment in front of her and i kind of wanted to, to shatter the illusion that i was the same as i was as a child because i feel so different that it feels like a lie, and i feel like i need to show the real me to people so they can decide to hate me if they want to. but i also kind of didn't want to but it would be difficult for me to cry and then collect myself in public 😭 and she comforted me but didn't make a big deal about it and maybe that helped more. idk i and probably others put a lot of emphasis on mental health but it's kind of nice to feel like... normal.. and move on. my mom kind of smothers me about my mental health and it's something i appreciate technically but maybe not in practice. idk if it's trauma but maybe i just don't appreciate physical comfort as much as i thought i did, or emotional worrying over ppl. it's just confusing bc i thought i desired these things a lot but i think it was just that the complete absence of them from my life affected me negatively, and i wanted Some Amount of it but not like A Lot. it seemed like i wanted a lot because of how much i was yearning for it but i don't think so lol 😭

it kind of follows that pattern of my mom being Too much and my dad being too little (Borderline neglectful but emotionally lmao 😭) so i guess it makes sense why my desires don't align with what i actually want. i suppose i need to Experience more to figure it out.

i also keep having Bisexual Panik that im turning straighter or am going to date a cis guy because i feel like i place a lot of emphasis on my attraction to guys. in my Mind. but i think i just note when i'm attracted to guys more bc im much more often attracted to women . and it would be difficult to keep track of all the attractive women 😭 i worry sometimes that ppl are gonna see this and be like "oh this bihet's gonna end up with a man" but what i worry about even more than that is they might be right.. but i hope not. i dony want date cishet man <3

ive reached the point in my college class now where ive Given up on voluntary reading. technically it's not voluntary but if we're not doing a class activity with it or discussing it in class its voluntary to me lmfao 💀 i struggled quite a bit with my lastest assignment, though i did get it done on time, which makes me worry that I won't be able to handle two classes. i really worry that i'm never going to be mentally stable enough to hack it. i don't think mental health meds can fix that for me as the only ones i have left to try (or the ones my psych thinks i should try, anyway) are antipsychotics and i keep having fucking insurance issues with them and they're charging me a bajillion fucking dollars so at that rate i'm never going to try them lmfao. so then i should maybe try getting tested for adhd again or autism.. but getting dxed with autism would do Nothing and just cost money. but if i did have adhd and needed medication and that made me function better, that would help! but i also worry that i have no observable condition and am just simply unable to exist in the capitalist hellscape climate by virtue of being the me... that would be the worst. but i worry that's what it is lol 😭 ah i should schedule an adhd test before i change my mind

[velvetwarfare]

“ so many people are setting the bar really low. ” from Angel (dealers choice bc they both deserve attention))

“ Da? Really? As if we are any better as FUCKING ONLYFANGS BAIT FOR VALENTINO? “

She exasperatedly gestures to the two of them, huffing.

“ But nyet, if I do not start bending over someone who does not reek of piss and alcohol, I am going to mcfucking lose my mind.

You keep getting the SEMI DECENT ONES. I keep getting the poor shitstains who died in their mama’s basement jerking off to gothic chick porn. “

[the-kipsabian]

maybe one day i'll rewatch this all in a row again (i mean like. without interruptions to breath and make gifs) and you get a mcfucking deep dive cause i am. losing my mind steadily

how the fuck do people binge watch storylines god yall are so strong