#i am not desperate enough to chat with my mother

[mediumgayitalian]

nothing is worse than none of your friends being online like how dare you

[beeseverywhen]

god the duality between 'I don't want someone in my house' and 'yeah I'd like my own kids and no way I'm doing that alone'

[moonselune]

hello there! I was summoned by your most recent post ^-^ may i request a karlach x minthara x fem!tav where minthara and karlach both desperately want tav for themselves. Rock on!

The way I am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure at this prompt.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Karlach x f!reader x Minthara

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

You didn't know when you first noticed it, when you had become a toy for the women to fight over. At first, you didn't mind; you were flattered even that these goddesses of women were both vying for your attention. You rarely had to carry your pack, you always seemed to get the best spot by the fire, and you can't remember the last time you put your tent up. You knew it was wrong, indulging in their behavior, but it made you feel special, wanted.

Karlach's fiery enthusiasm and Minthara's cool, calculated allure were both intoxicating, and you couldn't help but bask in their attentions. Yet, what started as innocent rivalry soon turned into something darker.

One evening, after a particularly long day of traveling, you found Karlach unusually pale and weak in her tent. She was usually a powerhouse, her infernal heritage giving her boundless energy, but now she was doubled over, clutching her stomach in pain. Minthara watched from a distance, her expression unreadable.

“Minthara, do you have any idea what’s wrong with her?” you asked, worry evident in your voice as you rushed to her side and Karlach offered you a weak smile.

Minthara approached, a feigned look of concern on her face. “Perhaps something she ate,” she suggested smoothly, her eyes briefly meeting yours before flickering to Karlach. “I’ll fetch some herbs to help, but it's probably best we leave her alone though, just in case it's contagious.”

You nodded, grateful for her help, but unaware of the true cause. Minthara had slipped a rare, undetectable poison into Karlach’s meal earlier, ensuring that she would be incapacitated and unable to monopolize your time. And what a coincidence that all the healers had decided to go to the tavern that night. You could have sworn you had a few healing potions stashed away somewhere, but Minthara had checked for you and clearly not.

As Karlach lay recovering, Minthara took full advantage of the situation. She stayed close to you, her presence a constant comfort. Her fingers brushed yours often, lingering touches that sent shivers down your spine. She spoke in low, soothing tones, weaving tales of the Underdark and her battles, drawing you deeper into her world. Soon enough you had rested your head on her shoulder and drifted into a light slumber, you put it down to being tired but you could have sworn her had kissed the side of your head as you rested.

But Karlach was not one to be easily defeated. Within a few days, she was back on her feet, her infernal constitution burning through the poison. A miraculous recovery, Minthara had commented and Karlach just grinned at her, she could play this game too.

One afternoon, while you were chatting with Minthara by a river, Karlach approached silently from behind. Without warning, she gave Minthara a hard shove, sending her tumbling into the cold, rushing water. You gasped, rushing to the riverbank. “Karlach! What happened?”

Karlach feigned innocence, her eyes wide. “She must have lost her balance. Poor Minthara, I hope she’s alright.”

You bought her act, your concern shifting to Minthara who was now scrambling out of the river, soaked, furious and practically hissing. Minthara’s glare promised retribution, but for now, she played along with Karlach’s ruse. Karlach drew you closer to her, it was a bit chilly out here wasn't it? Couldn't have their fearless leader catching a cold. You two continue to walk along the riverbank, Karlach enthusing about the way you had fought earlier that week, how kind you were to the tiefling kids back at the grove. You felt a blush creep on your cheeks as she told you that you'd be a brilliant wife mother one day.

Days turned into weeks, and the tension between the two women only grew. Their rivalry became more blatant, their actions more desperate that even you had become aware of them.

One night, things came to a head. You awoke to the sounds of shouting outside your tent. You hurried out to find Karlach and Minthara locked in a vicious fight, their weapons drawn. Sparks flew from Karlach’s infernal blade, while Minthara’s eyes glowed with an unholy light.

“Stop! Both of you, stop!” you cried, rushing between them. They hesitated, their gazes turning to you, chests heaving with exertion and anger. "This is insanity."

“You have to choose,” Minthara hissed, her voice dripping with venom.

Karlach’s eyes blazed with fury and desperation. “Her or me, soldier”

“If you can’t share me, then no one gets me.” Your words hung in the air, heavy with finality. Both women stared at you, stunned into silence. That hadn't been an option, clearly Halsin and his principles had got to you first.

You turned and walked away, your heart pounding. You knew it was the right decision, but it hurt more than you expected. It paid off though, as over the next few days, the tension in the camp was palpable, but neither woman approached you. The rivalry seemed to have died down.

But slowly, things began to slip back to how they were. Karlach would offer to carry your battle gear home after a gruelling fight and Minthara would The cycle began anew, and you plaid the part as the willing victim all too well.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Hope you liked it! I couldn't pick who to win so why not keep the dream nightmare going ! - Seluney x

[sotwk]

Hello, you wonderful, thoughtful, sneaky busybody! I’ve read the letter that you snuck into my room—in fact I may have read and reread it until my eyes went crossed. I can hardly believe you took such risks for me, spying on Lord Eomer and taking his private writing—but I’m certainly glad you did.

Grateful as I am, I have another favor to ask of you—though I know you’ll accept gladly, given your love for meddling in other people’s business. I have a letter for Lord Eomer—oh, Bema help me, I knew you’d be insufferably smug about it. Yes, you were right—you’ve been right all along! Are you happy now? 

I know what you’ll ask next, and yes. If you must, you can take a peek—I suppose I owe you that much, since you were the one who brought me his letter in the first place. Just make sure he gets this, won’t you? I won’t be able to rest until he does.

.

.

.

Lord Eomer,

Last night, my friend gave me a curious gift: a letter, crumpled, torn, and painstakingly pieced back together. A letter written and nearly destroyed by your own hand. I do hope you can forgive her actions—for my part, I have never been more grateful for her meddling.

I was determined Forgive my penmanship. My hands have not stopped shaking since I read your words.

I was determined to speak to you at once. I’d decided to sneak to the Golden Hall and throw pebbles at your window until you awoke. Would you believe that I’d donned my cloak and had a foot out the door, with no thought that midnight had long since passed, when my mother caught me and herded me to bed like an errant foal? Trapped in my room as I was, I resolved to write to you instead.

I slept not at all. 

For months, I have endured the attention of the suitors my parents paraded before me. Foolish man, had you made known even a word of that letter to me, I would have sent them all away without a second thought!

I am—I was resigned to do my duty to my family. But you cannot think I wanted to marry one of those men! If ever I smiled at them, I was thinking of you. If ever I looked attentively at them, I was studying their faces seeking some trace of you. 

I underst  Bema, my quill grows unsteady again. You cannot know what your words have done to me.

I understand your reservations, truly. But I am of a mind with your cousin, that our duties need not rule us entirely. Nor must they be the enemy of our hearts.

Do you recall the midsummer feast last year, when you asked me to dance? We spoke afterwards in the garden below the north balcony. I don’t recall a word of our conversation, for you had kissed the back of my hand when our dance was done and I could think of nothing else. You must have known how your touch would haunt me, how I would drive myself mad with thoughts of how your lips might — 

Bema, I am not myself this morning! But there, you see? I do not cross out words in regret, not when I mean them. 

I will be waiting in that garden tonight, at sundown. If you have the courage to stand by the words you tried so desperately to destroy—if, Bema help me, you are as seized by your passions as you claim—you will meet me there. I make no demands of you. Only that you speak the truth to me, without reservation, as I am doing now. 

Enough of prudence, enough of patience! What good have those miserable words ever done us?

I don't know if you will receive this letter in time (don't know how legible it will be, I have never scrawled so fast in my life), but even with the hour being late, I HAD to write and reassure you that:

I survived reading it, though it got hairy there for a second, my poor heart was not ready.

I delivered the letter.

I did more spy-work and lingered in the halls all morning until I was sure Eomer had returned to his rooms and found it.

I got caught. No, no, not by him, thank Bema. By the other one.

No worries, I handled it. He went all high and mighty, telling me I "should not meddle so much", but he didn't rat me out right there. He went into Eomer's room and chatted with him for a good while. Alas, door was too thick for me to hear a peep. Why are these doors so damn heavy.

I managed to corner him later on, but he wouldn't confirm anything other than that Eomer read your words. I then rushed off to get this note to you, but I'm gonna run back to talk Theodred's ear off until he spills everything. I don't care if he is the Prince. I know for a fact that he meddles as much as I do if not more, that sweet hypocrite.

Please just show up in the garden as you said you would and this would all be worth it I'm sure. I'll meet you on the other side, girl! GO GO GO!!!

Tagging parties who are probably interested in this crazy drama: @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras @morethantheycansay @emmanuellececchi @celeluwhenfics

For the other confused readers:

The "Anon" who wrote the gorgeous letter in response to my own "Letter from Eomer" is actually the incredibly talented @scyllas-revenge. It started as a letter writing Ask Game, and is now blowing up into a co-written Eomer x unnamed OC fic.

I've posted my work of Eomer's letter as a ficlet on Ao3 called "A Salvaged Letter", but now I'm probably expanding that into a SMALL multi-part fic. We'll see. Now that I've pulled my beloved Theodred into it, it's hard to resist the urge to write more.

Oh, and the busybody gossipy friend will definitely be an OC self-insert of yours truly. Shamelessly, I'm doing that.

[angelisgonnastartchangingurls]

mom

annie and robbie went home for christmas and it was fine. annie and her mom, who of course hadn't even spoken to each other in something close to a year, got along well, not exactly catching up but talking together kindly about the events of the day. annie masturbated alone in her room on christmas eve and sent pictures of it to tom, to richard, and to her father. tom sent back a cock pic, richard did not reply, and her dad sent her a video of her mom riding his cock.

in the morning, she went downstairs in white panties and a tank top and found her mother in a near-identical outfit. she sat on her dad's lap on the couch near the tree and played with his cock every time her mom went out of the room. when she went upstairs to wake up robbie she was gone for a while -- long enough for annie to get him hard and push him against herself over her panties. to her surprise, he pulled them aside and let her guide his tip in. he wouldn't let her go deeper, so she rubbed herself around on the head of his cock for a very wet 60 seconds or so.

she was sitting on the floor by the tree when robbie came down, and he sat next to her and showed her a picture of his cock in their mother's mouth.

annie and her mom made breakfast together and annie was surprised at how much physical contact her mother made with her in their kitchen, repeatedly putting her hands on annie's waist and commenting favorably how thin she was. annie returned compliments when her mother stripped in the bathroom with the door open -- she told her how much she liked her very trimmed bush.

after her own shower, annie masturbated in her room again, and was just about to finish when her mom walked in.

"wow, i guess you and robbie really like having your own rooms again," she said, "i walked in on him doing that earlier too."

"doesn't he have such a huge cock?" annie said. her mom laughed, surprised. "i see it all the time, you know, since we don't have our own rooms."

"lucky you," her mom said. annie was completely nude, and yet felt comfortable chatting with her mom this way. she saw no judgment in her eyes.

annie and robbie stayed over again that evening, and when annie left her room after another long masturbation session, her parents were fucking in their bedroom with the door open. she stood in their doorway in her wet white panties and t-shirt and said, "you guys look so good together" as her mother bounced reverse cowgirl on her dad's cock.

She went back to her room and her mom came in a few minutes later, naked, with cum all over her stomach and bush. She ran her fingers through the cum and put them in Annie's mouth. "This cum made you," she said.

Annie giggled. "It tastes good," he said.

"I know," her mom said. "He's mine though."

"You're very good to him," Annie said. "I hope I am as good to my husband someday."

"You will be," she said. "You have a perfect pussy like me."

Annie woke up early. Only her dad was awake downstairs, and so Annie sat on his lap over his robe and rubbed her ass against his cock for as long as he could take. He took her hand, walked her out to the garage, and bent her over the hood of his car. He felt so thick inside her. Annie gasped and tried desperately to get wet enough to keep it from hurting but for some reason she couldn't. And then he came inside her.

On the drive home, robbie showed annie videos of himself doing the same thing to her mom.

[sirdolraan]

Last Call

(( DWC August 2024 Day 7, Enigma/Victory, CW: None; @daily-writing-challenge ))

Lorellai flounced down on the bed of the room she was sharing with the other ladies, feeling still tired from all the work but relieved by the shower she'd just had. She idly watched as magical brushes and washboards tended to her and everyone's gear over in the corner, quite a bit different from the devices her dad had made back home. Handy though, it meant she could just lie there, ache a bit, and think about things. She'd really enjoyed her chat with Dagran, and wouldn't mind talking to him again, but the idea of crossing Moira sent a chill down her spine worse than when she'd come face to face with the villains out in the dragon isles.

"At least she's on our side, I guess." Lorellai said to no one in particular, as there was a knock at the door. She groaned, not wanting to move, but also not wanting word to get back to her mum that she'd been impolite. Begrudgingly, she slid off the bed and headed to the door, opening it up. "Can I help y-" she said, stopping short as she processed what she saw.

"Ah, miss Truthhammer, my mother and I were wondering if you'd care to join us for lunch?" Dagran said, his mother not far behind him, looking, well, as grumpy as she'd ever been when Lorellai saw her.

"I will say only this." Moira started, taking her seat at the head of the table as her attendants brought in their meal. "I apologize for my rudeness to you. My feud with your father is nae your responsibility, and I will not have it said that I am encouraging our people's tendencies towards long lasting grudges. By all reports you have shown yourself to be an upstanding citizen, which I choose to attribute to your mother's influence."

"Uh... I mean," Lorellai stammered, trying desperately to remember the etiquette lessons her parents had tried to get her to pay more than a moment's interest in while she was growing up. "Thank you for your kind words, yer Majesty, uh, let there be nae quarrel between us," she ventured, at least sixty percent sure that was the appropriate phrasing.

"I'm glad we could clear that up," Dagran said, taking up a fork and spearing some salad. "There's enough conflict in the world without opening old wounds, I think. Please, relax miss Truthhammer, this is a friendly lunch after all! Please, tell us how things have been going out in the field!"

Elsewhen, a portal illuminated Spiru as she went over her list. She'd already made emotionally satisfactorily farewells with the SI:7 team and the Shado-pan she'd befriended, without alerting them to the strange temporal nature of her situation, and now all that was left was to gather the belongings she'd been informed were safe to keep and prepare them for her journey. "Hi there Spiru!" Chromie said, hopping on a chair beside her. "All ready for the big day?"

"I believe I am, Chromie," Spiru replied, closing and buckling the bag, before gathering up her hair to restore her usual ponytail. "All my farewells have been said, and my keepsakes are ready for travel. Has all been settled on your end?"

"It sure has! Nozdormu was a little hesitant at first, but when Eternus and I showed him everything we saw, he agreed that this was a situation where the rules could be bent enough to tip the scales in Azeroth's favor. Now, you said you have everything, do you remember your introduction?"

Spiru gave Chromie a flat look. "You've had me rehearsing it for three days. I am ready."

"Great!" Chromie said, checking an ornate hourglass, "Because it's time! Good luck in the Prime-Time-Line!" Chromie yelled, shoving Spiru suddenly through a bronze portal that opened behind her. As it closed, Chromie dusted her hands. "Another job done by the amazing Chromie!... no, that's not gonna catch on. Back to the drawing board..."

Spiru spiralled through the sands of time, before emerging in a stone room next to a table with several surprised dwarves. Spying Lorellai Truthhammer (three centimeters taller than Chromie had mentioned, hope that's not a problem), she launched into her prepared words. "My name is Spiru Handycog. I have been sent by Chromie to join your fight to protect Azeroth and follow the Radiant Song. In five minutes this entire city will be under attack, you need to get your gear ready."

"What is going on-" Moira's demanding question was interrupted by a loud klaxon.

"Attention, Citizens of Dalaran!" Khadgar's voice rang out throughout the streets. "Prepare for Civic Teleportation. Return to your homes or emergency shelters immediately. I repeat, citizens of Dalaran, prepare for Civic Teleportation!"

As the message and klaxon continued, Lorellai quickly wiped her face with a napkin. "Timely, we'll discuss later. Excuse me your majesty, I must gather my gear."

"We shall return to Magni's side. Come Dagran." Moira declared, rising from her chair.

"Fight well, Champion Lorellai!" Dagran declared, before following his mother out the far door as Lorellai took the nearer exit to return to the dorm, new acquaintance and perhaps friend in tow.

Things were about to get exciting.

[lovelyleclercs]

My Biggest Gift is You- GR63

George Russell x Fem!Reader

-> George finally decides he's ready to spend the rest of his life with you.

word count: 1244

warnings: incredibly cheesy, mentions of sex, not proof read

A/N: this is by far the cheesiest thing I've ever written.

3 years. 1095 days. 26280 hours. 1576800 minutes. 94608000 seconds. That’s how long you have spent by George Russell’s side. 

3 years. 1095 days. 26280 hours. 1576800 minutes. 94608000 seconds. That’s how long you have spent by George Russell’s side. 

You had met George in November of 2019 when you visited the Williams garage with your father who happened to be good friends with George’s father. 

From the moment you meant George, you had been completely starstruck. His eyes were the first part of him you fell in love with- afterall, who wouldn’t love his ocean blue eyes. 

After spending the entire day with him, following him around the paddock and the hospitality sweet as he tried to explain the sport he lived and breathed to you, you very quickly realized that you had caught feelings for him. Some would call it love at first sight, and maybe it was. 

It wasn’t until after George was done with all of the postseason testing that he had finally asked you out on a date. 

You had expected the date to be a one time thing- surely the feelings you had for him weren’t reciprocated- so when he had asked you to be his girlfriend as he was dropping you off at home, it had caught you by surprise. Of course, you had agreed, and the rest has been history ever since. 

George had planned a surprise date to celebrate your three year anniversary, which you hated because you desperately wanted to know where you were going and what you were doing, but George wouldn’t give in and spoil the surprise. 

You had dressed up in jeans and a nice blouse- it was far too cold to wear a dress since it was mid-December in london. George had given you a set of diamond earrings earlier that morning and asked you to wear them out tonight, so you put them in as quickly as possible before making your way down the stairs of the house you shared. “George! I’m ready!! Where are y- mom?”

“Oh, hello darling! Pretend like I'm not here, I’m just dropping off some leftovers for you and George for tomorrow!”

You laughed a little and gave her a quick hug. “Thanks mom, I would stay and chat but I'm already 5 minutes late for our date so I have to find george. Have you seen him?” 

Your mother laughed and nodded, pointing out the back door. “He went out that way, something about needing to check to see if the roof of the shed is still standing after the snow storm two days ago”

You laughed a little and put your shoes on before walking out the back door. You had expected to see George standing on the deck trying to see the top of the shed, instead, you saw a trail of lit candles, leading their way to the shed. 

George was a hopeless romantic, always finding ways to make each date more romantic and memorable than the last. An intimate night at home just the two of you would be absolutely impossible to beat. 

You followed the trail of candles and knocked gently on the shed door once you approached it. “George? Am i all good to come inside?”

“Yes, of course darling. Come in!”

You opened the door and smiled, looking around at how beautifully decorated the shed was. There was a small table for two sat in the middle of the small shed, lit candles placed on the middle of the table while the best plates and silverware the two of you owned were set out, waiting to be used. 

White Christmas lights were draped from the top of the ceiling, hanging down slightly, but not low enough to hit your head on as you walked over to George. “I hate to break it to you, honey, but I think this date will be hard to beat,” you said with a smile before wrapping your arms around his neck and giving him a slow, gentle kiss.

George smiled into the kiss, allowing his hands to rest on your waist. “Never underestimate the power of my date planning abilities, darling. I’m sure I could top it”

You laughed and rolled your eyes before giving him one last kiss. “You’ve got a big ego, mr. russell.”

“Mr. Russell? You usually only call me that when you want sex, Mrs. Russell” he said with a smirk.

You laughed and buried your face into his shoulder, trying to hide the fact that you were blushing. On the few rare occasions George called you Mrs. Russell, it always sent butterflies straight to your stomach and turned your cheeks the brightest shade of red. The idea of one day becoming George’s wife made you smile. “It is our anniversary, I’d be shocked if the night didn’t end in bed with our clothes on the floor, honey.’

George laughed and grabbed your hands in his, rubbing the backs of them with his thumbs as he looked into your eyes. “You’re beautiful, darling. Not only in your looks, but your personality… I don’t know how I got so lucky to have a partner who matches me so perfectly…”

You smiled and squeezed his hands tightly. “That’s so sweet, honey. I could say the exact same thing about you, ya know.”

George smiled and kissed your forehead before looking into your eyes once more. “We’ve spent the past three years getting to know one another, loving each other, and growing together. These past three years have by far been the best of my life. I’ve never been happier, and I have you to thank for that. You are the root of my happiness, the reason why bad races are a lot easier now than they ever were before, the reason why I look forward to coming home, when I used to dread leaving whatever country I was in for whatever race I was driving in. I am the best version of myself because of you. You have taught me how to love stronger, work harder, and be happier, and for that I am so grateful. You complete me, y/n.”

You smiled up at him, tears in your eyes as you listened to him say such wonderful things about you and your relationship. “George….”

George had tears in his eyes at that point. He squeezed your hands tightly before letting go of one and reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small, black, velvet box and getting down onto one knee. Your free hand covered your mouth, almost as if you couldn’t believe what was happening. You had practically dreamed of this moment for years. 

“Y/n, you’re it for me. There is nobody else in this lifetime I would ever want to do life with. I want to get married to you, have children with you, grow old with you.. I want everything in life to happen with you. Will you marry me?” he asked, opening the box to show off the ring that had been hidden under the lid. 

You covered your face with both of your hands and nodded as your tears ran down your face at a rapid pace. “Yes… of course I will, George…”

George smiled and took the ring out of the box before slipping it onto your left ring finger, pulling you into a tight hug after he did so. “I love you, y/n. So much.”

You hugged him back, your face buried into his shoulder. “I love you too, George. I can’t wait to spend forever with you…”

tag list- @hammick @Cl16msc47 @majkaftorek @polyjuiceslytherin @Lizziebitch33 @viktorie16 @Johannalindau @Southernprincess1997 @Myescapefromthislife @my-fangirling-outlet

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Tide That Turned Everything: Chapter V - I Yearn for You

Chapter Summary: You and Aleksander have a heated conversation about his methods. His plans cause you to finally snap. Finally seeing how he hurt you, he desperately tries to fix your relationship. Can he do it before you decide to leave?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Alina Starkov/Mal Oretsev, Ivan/Fedyor Kaminsky

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Fruzsi, Fedyor Kaminsky, Ivan, Vatra

Word Count: 5325

A/N: Smut alert (a really short). If you don't like it or are underage, don't read from: "You move away from him a bit." to: "When it's over, Aleksander snuggles to you.". Inspired by prompts: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089684641/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089684664/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089683706/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089559809/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089584630/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089683626/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089584637/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089683713/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089550770/ This chapter also contains some plot from sixth episode of season two. soverennyia – sovereign

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

Aleksander walks into your room and stops. You're no longer in bed. You're repacking.

'You broke the pattern,' he spokes up, walking inside. 'You get hurt, I get you to bed, you wake up with me sitting next to you. You woke up too early.'

'Well, I have enough of that pattern, to be honest,' you say, not turning to look at him. Silence fills the room for a moment.

'How are you feeling?' Aleksander finally asks. You shrug.

'Tired, but I'm not in pain,' you answer.

'You should rest,' Kirigan says.

'I've heard we're about to move,' you say. 'There's no time for rest.'

You pause. You turn your head slightly but still don't look at him.

'Did they tell you about what happened in Morozova's workshop?' you ask.

'Not quite,' Aleksander answers. You gather your thoughts for a moment.

'Alina, Mal and Baghra arrived shortly after us,' you start. 'Baghra and Mal stepped away at one point, so I could have a chat with Alina. Unfortunately, it led to nothing. She's not going to change her mind.'

'I can't say I'm surprised,' Aleksander sighs. 'But I am disappointed. I saw you managed to grab a few of Morozova's journals, though. I'm grateful for this.'

You're quiet. Kirigan frowns.

'What is it?' he asks. '[Y/N]? What's wrong? What did Alina tell you?'

'What did you do to Genya?' you ask quietly. Aleksander blinks.

'Genya?' he repeats. You finally turn to him. But he's once again in the shadows, so you barely see him.

'You kept her and your mother in cages,' you say. 'I guess you put her there after she tried to leave with David. What else did you do to her? That's what Alina told me. She told me to ask you what you had done to Genya.'

Aleksander is quiet for a moment. He clenches and unclenches his fist.

'I did nothing to her,' he finally says slowly. You frown. But then you look at him with disbelief. You shake your head.

'You sent your nichevo'ya at her,' you say and gasp. Things were broken and demolished. In anger. You can only guess how nichevo'ya have damaged Genya. Ruined her beauty.

'How could you?' you ask in a whisper. 'After everything she's done for you?'

'She betrayed me,' Aleksander spats. 'Do you know how much that hurt?'

'Then imagine how much she had to be hurt,' you say, clenching your fists. 'She endured the Queen's requests, demands and mockery. She had to bear with being treating like she's worse than other Grisha from everyone in the Little Palace. She… she let the King touch her, kiss her and… All for you. Because she was loyal to you. And this is how you thanked her?'

'If she was so loyal,' Aleksander says, walking toward you, 'then why did she try to run from me?'

'My guess? She was afraid. Of nichevo'ya. Of what creating them did to you. Of what losing Alina did to you.'

'I would never hurt her.'

'But you did!'

'Because she betrayed me!'

'Then you should have let her go! Instead, you showed her that she had every right to be afraid, because what she did for you didn't matter, what mattered was that she dared to leave you!'

Aleksander clenches his fists and jaw. You glare at each other with anger in your eyes. Kirigan is first to deflate.

'While I'm hurt and feel betrayed by her escape,' he says, 'I do regret I… made that decision in anger. I should have handled this differently.'

'You should have,' you agree quietly, also deflating. 'Leading with fear alone won't give you victory.'

Aleksander nods. You stand in silence, refusing to meet each other's eyes. Finally, Kirigan clears his throat.

'Rest and finish repacking,' he says. 'We will leave when you're ready.'

You nod. You wait for him to say more. But he turns and leaves. You sigh and fall on the bed behind you.

'You okay?' you hear a familiar voice.

'Physically or mentally, Fedyor?' you ask.

'Both,' your friend answers, sitting by your side.

'Physically I'm good, just tired,' you say. 'Mentally… not so well. I'm losing him.'

'Then fight for him,' Fedyor says. 'We all will go into the fire for him, but we all can see he's… losing himself. He won't last long if something… or someone… doesn't shake him up. And you're the only one who can do that.'

'I don't think so,' you say and turn your back to Fedyor. 'Not anymore.'

The Heartrender stares at you in silence for a moment. Finally, he sighs and leaves. You just stay like you are. Sad, but not crying. Not anymore.

*

You take a deep breath in and knock on the door. Hearing Aleksander's invitation, you enter his room. He's turned from you. You put your hands behind your back.

'I'm ready, General,' you say, the tone of your voice formal. 'We can depart at any time.'

'Good,' Aleksander says, nodding. He doesn't turn. You sigh quietly.

'What's our plan?' you ask.

'We're going to Keramzin,' Aleksander answers. 'We're going to make Alina come to us.'

You stiffen. Your heart almost stops.

'There's no way she's going to join us, I told you,' you say.

'I know,' Aleksander says. 'I tried the nice way, so now I'm going to force her. I promised her she and I are going to change the world. I intend to keep that promise.'

'You…' you say but you cut yourself off. Your heart breaks. He still wants her. She refuses him time and time again, calls him a 'monster' and yet he… You fight back the tears.

'[Y/N]?' Aleksander asks, noticing you wanted to say more. He turns to face you. He frowns at the crestfallen expression on your face.

'What is it?' he asks, worried. You look up at him (or at least what you think is his face, as he's as usual in shadows) with pain in your eyes.

'If you don't want me, don't mess with my feelings,' you say, your voice shaking a bit. Aleksander's eyes widen.

'What are you talking about?' he asks and takes a step forward. 'Of course, I want you.'

'No, it's not me you want,' you deny, taking a step back. 'You want Alina.'

'This again?' Aleksander sighs, stopping. 'Lapushka, I keep telling you, that I only want Alina to make this world better for all Grisha.'

'You say one thing and yet your actions prove you otherwise,' you say. 'And you know the worst part? You don't even think what you're doing can hurt me. And how much it already has.'

Tears shine in your eyes. Aleksander frowns.

'All that time you spent with Alina in the Little Palace,' you start, 'instead of spending it with me… horse riding, walking in the gardens, sleeping in the same bed… I was suffering quietly and you never even noticed.'

'I told you I had done it on purpose,' Aleksander says quietly. 'I thought you understand.'

'Oh, I do,' you say bitterly. 'But the problem is you can't even try to understand me. You say you love me and then a moment later you say you need Alina by your side.'

'Because without her we can't fulfil my plan,' Aleksander explains. 'She's just a pawn, milaya.'

You almost laugh. You shake your head.

'And yet you didn't hesitate to dress your pawn in your colours,' you spat. Kirigan stiffens. A tear rolls down your cheek.

'You claim I'm the one you love,' you say. 'And yet you never even suggested I could wear your colour.'

'It was to keep you safe, you know that,' Aleksander argues.

'We both know that's not true,' you say, shaking your head. 'I was being kidnapped and tortured because I was once your servant. But if you ever declared we're in a relationship no one would dare to lay a hand on me, the Darkling's beloved. You damn well know that.'

Aleksander doesn't answer. He knows that may be true.

'Everyone in Os Alta speculated whether we are or we're not together,' you say. 'But you never confirmed it. Or even suggested you can do it one day. I acted like it wasn't a big deal, when really it was breaking my heart.'

'I was planning to, I swear,' Aleksander says. 'With Alina… I needed her to trust me, to be loyal to me. That's why she was wearing my colours. So she would think she means more to be.'

'I guess kisses were for that as well?' you spat. Kirigan clenches his teeth.

'Do you have any idea how hard it was to listen to her talking about her feelings for you and that you may feel the same?' you ask, resigned. 'How it hurt you kissed her and a moment after I left your chambers? Or how I saw you leaving with her the Winter Fete after you handed her flowers?'

You can no longer stop the tears now. Aleksander looks at you with shock.

'I don't love her, [Y/N],' he says, shaking his head. 'Please, believe me.'

'Then why, after so many times she's rejected you, you're wearing her colours?!' you shout, losing control. Aleksander glances at his kefta and doesn't answer.

Outside, Fedyor and Ivan are standing, their hands behind their backs and their eyes looking everywhere but at the door. Fruzsi walks to them and frowns.

'Why aren't you walking in?' she asks.

'General and [Y/N] are finally clearing out their misunderstandings,' Fedyor explains. 'There's no way we're going to interrupt that.'

'Or let anyone else do it,' Ivan says, looking and Fruzsi menacingly. The Tidemaker is actually a bit nervous and scared.

Inside you and Aleksander stare at each other. He not sure how to explain himself. You sad, but no longer crying.

'I may not be your first date, kiss or love… but I want to be your last everything,' you whisper and gulp. 'But tell me Alina is the one you want and I'll understand. How could I not? She's the Sun Summoner. She will live longer than I will. She's your equal, not I. So, if you tell me that you love her, I'll help you win and get her… and I will leave. I won't stay in the way of your happiness. Because I love you and what you want matters to me the most.'

You're crying again. You want to be brave but it hurts so much. You straighten up anyway, ready to hear the rejection.

Aleksander stares at you with disbelief. He can't believe you felt like that. Nor that he let it happen. Hearing you're ready to leave… makes him panic a bit.

'Then don't leave me,' he says and looks at you pleadingly. 'Don't you understand how much it would hurt me to see you go?'

'How can I?' you ask. 'You can't even look at me or let me see you. All the time you're in your shadows. Or when I'm in your arms you suddenly push me away.'

Aleksander slowly walks toward you. He stops and for a moment none of you moves. Then, his shadows leave him. But his face is turned slightly to the side.

'I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms and look you in the eyes,' he says, his voice breaking a little. 'I was angry and in pain ever since what had happened in the Fold. But when I got you back… You're the reason why I'm smiling again. The mere sight of you makes me feel the happiest man in the world.'

'Then why…' you start but then you see how Aleksander's face is turned. His scars are away from you. Your shoulders slump.

'Oh, Aleksander,' you whisper, cupping his cheek. You force him to turn his face. He closes his eyes, as you trace his scars with your fingers.

'You don't want me to look at them,' you guess.

'I can't be your pretty boy anymore with them,' he whispers, pained. Your heart aches.

'Silly general,' you say softly and cup his face with your other hand as well. 'These scars? They're the proof that you fought in the Fold to come back to me. You fought, you won and you came back to me. You saved me. And no matter how many scars you have, how much deformed you are… you'll always be my pretty boy.'

Aleksander shivers under your touch. He opens his eyes and smiles. You smile back with tears in your eyes.

'I can't do this without you, [Y/N],' he says. 'I can conquer the world with one hand, as long as you are holding the other.'

You stare at him silently. You said your piece. It's his time to talk.

'I know you're hurt, [Y/N],' he says and grimaces. 'Mostly because of me. Also by the First Army's soldiers… even though I still don't know what exactly they did… but what is worse by me. I promised to protect you from harm and yet I myself inflicted it on you. I focused on my plan with disregard to your feelings. I was telling myself I'm doing it to keep you from leaving. But in the end, it made you want to leave. I'm so sorry, [Y/N]. I know I need to earn your forgiveness and I'm ready to do anything for it.'

'I don't know if I can trust your pretty words anymore,' you admit quietly. Aleksander panics. He cups your face, looking at you with desperation.

'Please!' he begs. 'Please, don't leave me here alone! I'll try better, I swear. I swear on my life. I'm completely, utterly in love with you. I have no feelings for Miss Starkov. You're the one that has a hold on my heart. I truly regret that I caused you to think otherwise. Please. Please, don't leave me.'

You caress his face with your fingers. This time he's the one who's crying. You want to believe he's sincere this time. Your heart still wants him, no matter how much he hurt you.

'I could never leave you,' you say finally, leaning your forehead on his. Aleksander exhales with relief. You look up at him. You rarely see him this vulnerable. This scared. He trusts you with the most intimate side of himself and you feel happiness because of it.

'Even though I've killed so many people?' he asks quietly. 'In the Fold, with it and later on?'

You take your hands in yours. You bring them together and press a kiss to them.

'Your hands are scarred from murder and yet I trust them completely,' you say softly and look up at Aleksander. He looks at you, stunned.

'So… you will stay and fight with me?' Aleksander asks. 'Against your friends?'

'Your battle is my battle,' you answer. 'We fight together.'

Aleksander smiles. You smile back. You let go of his hands and only hold one now, squeezing it tightly. He chuckles, understanding what you mean.

'Just so you know, you break my heart one more time, I'm creating my own soldiers of water with merzost just so I could throw you to them for lunch,' you threaten. Aleksander laughs and pulls you to himself. You relax. Safe and sound again. You hope that you can be alright again.

*

It is decided you leave early in the morning. So next day you're getting ready to leave, when suddenly there's a knock on the door.

'Come in,' you call. Fedyor walks in with a large box in his hands. You look at him curiously, as he places it on the bed.

'Delivery from the General,' he says with a mischievous smile.

'What is it?' you ask, tracing the box with your finger.

'Well, your kefta was ruined after the attack and you have no other,' Fedyor says, eyeing pointedly your blue shirt. 'So, my guess? A new kefta.'

'But why did he have you deliver it?' you ask, puzzled.

'Maybe it's a special kefta,' Fedyor suggests with a grin.

'How would he get it done with such a short time?' you ask. You lift the lid of the box… and gasp. You take a kefta, because it is one, out of the box and raise it in the air. Fedyor whistles.

The kefta is beautifully made and from a fine material. It is in your colours, however the cufs are black A clear statement.

'It's…' you start but don't finish.

'He's finally saying what you two are,' Fedyor says. 'But also underlines you're a Tidemaker. He doesn't take that away from you. He says you're together but that also you're your own Grisha.'

'I don't know if I want to smack him or kiss him,' you say, tears in your eyes.

'My suggestion?' Fedyor asks. 'First smack him, then kiss him.'

You laugh. The Heartrender grins.

'It's good to hear you laugh,' he says. 'Does that mean you two are good?'

'I think… there's a chance we can be,' you say and smile at your friend. 'Thank you. I wouldn't have gone through that without you. And Ivan.'

'We're always at your service, moya soverennyia,' Fedoyr says, giving you a small bow. You freeze. He winks at you and walks away. You stand still for a moment.

'Great,' you sigh and put on your new kefta. When you're ready, you join others outside.

'[Y/N],' Fruzsi says, bowing her head with respect. Others stare at you, whispering. You feel a bit nervous.

'Well, this is awkward,' you say, standing next to Fruzsi.

'The rumours of you and General Kirigan having a… relationship are now sort of confirmed,' Fruzsi says, eyeing your kefta. 'They have a lot to discuss.'

You know what she means. That everyone suspected you and Aleksander are sleeping together. Yes, Aleksander is telling them that you are someone important to him. But can you tell who exactly you are?

Your problem solves itself. You look up when Grisha gasp and look with wide eyes at the stairs. You turn around and are stunned as well.

Aleksander walks down the stairs, regal as ever. But instead of his black kefta with golden embroidery, or even his normal kefta, he's wearing black kefta with blue embroidery. Your colour. And since you have black on your kefta… he's telling everyone you're together. Tears well up in your eyes.

'Shall we?' he asks his Grisha. They quickly confirm and get on their horses. Aleksander's eyes fall on you. His look softens. Your heart skips a beat.

'I hope I wasn't out of line,' he says quietly. You shake your head with a smile.

'No. No, it's perfect,' you deny. Aleksander grins. He takes your hand in his and presses a kiss to it. You blush and get atop of your horse. Kirigan does the same and you move out.

Some time later you're at your destination. Aleksander, you and few other Grisha leave others and go on the edge of a cliff. You see an encampment of the First Army in the distance. Aleksander shows you to stop.

He stands more forward. He calls on his shadows and creates the Cut. He thrusts it forward with a grunt. It cuts the trees on its way, until finally it hits the encampment, causing the ground to open and the whole settlement to fall collapse. You and others walk closer to Aleksander.

'It's like the earth ate them up,' Vatra says, satisfied.

'The Keramzin orphanage is just north of here,' Fruzsi says.

'We stay here tonight,' Aleksander decides. Grisha look at him.

'Here?' Vatra asks with a frown. 'Before we take the orphanage? But, sir, we were hoping-'

'Hope is a lie,' Aleksander interrupts her, looking at her. 'An illusion. All in good time.'

He turns his head to you. He's worried you disapprove of his actions. But your face is impassive. You glance at him and nod slightly. Aleksander feels relieved.

Grisha turn and leave. It's just you two.

'Do you really think that about hope?' you ask. 'Weren't you hoping you'd find me?'

'And I acted irrationally,' Aleksander answers. 'Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I got you back and I don't regret the decisions I made. But my thoughts… were hazy. Eliminate hope. You gain clarity.'

'I don't think it's true,' you hum. Aleksander smiles slightly. Of course you do. You two turn and join others.

In the evening you and Kirigan are alone in your tent. You're getting ready for sleep. Aleksander keeps glancing at you.

'What is it?' you sigh, having enough.

'You have a kind heart, [Y/N],' Aleksander says. 'And yet you didn't even flinch when I used the Cut on the First Army today.'

You're quiet. Your back is turned to him.

'Was it because they tortured you?' Aleksander asks. 'Did they torture you that bad?'

Memories flashes in your mind. Your grip on your kefta tightens. You close your eyes.

'Yes,' you answer. 'But that's not all that they did to me.'

Aleksander is quiet. He's known something else happened. So, now, that you're ready to talk, he's afraid to ruin it and cause you to close yourself in again.

'That day I called for you at last, Vasily came to me,' you say. 'He wanted to give me his… "protection", since no one but Alina trusted me. In return he wanted… me to visit his chambers at night.'

Anger boils in Aleksander. He clenches his fists and grits his teeth. His nostrils flare.

'He dared…' he growls and clears his throat. 'I should have tortured him before his death more.'

'I didn't agree,' you say and close your eyes. 'But he expected that. I refused him once already. So, his men entered the room. Vasily left and they… they took… advantage of me.'

Aleksander freezes. His eyes open wide with shock. Shadows form around him, ready to explode from his rage. But he calms down at once, seeing your shaking form. He rushes forward and wraps you in a hug.

'My love, I'm so sorry,' he says, pressing you to him. 'I'm so sorry. So sorry. It's my fault. You shouldn't have gone through that. I'm sorry.'

'It's not your fault,' you whisper, trying to hold back the sobs. 'And you heard me. And you came. You stopped them from hurting me more.'

'And I will make sure they will never do it again,' Aleksander says and presses kisses to your head. 'I swear this to you, milaya. They will pay.'

'They already did,' you say. 'They died in the Spinning Wheel. And I know they weren't here. But when you used the Cut, I felt as if I was taking revenge on them. That's why I… didn't even flinch. Am I a bad person?'

'No, lapushka. You're a good person. I don't deserve you. After what has been done to you, you have a right to feel that way. You're human after all.'

'With powers.'

'But still human. Which also means it's okay to cry. Let it all out. Please. Don't close yourself from me. Let me in, [Y/N]. Let me be your shelter. Your home.'

At those words the tame breaks. You sniffle… and start sobbing. You press yourself into Aleksander and cry. He hugs you and murmurs comforting words into your ear. You feel as if something heavy has been lifted from your shoulders. And Aleksander is glad you've finally trusted him to share your pain with him.

*

Ever since the Little Palace was attacked, it hasn't been unusual for you to be woken up by nightmares. It happens again that night. But this time it's not your nightmare, which makes you confused for a moment. But when you hear Aleksander's whimpers, you sit up straight at once.

'Aleksander?' you ask, as you try to light up a candle. When you manage, you turn to him. He's tossing in the bed, his face covered with sweat and twisted.

'Aleksander?' you ask, reaching to him. 'Wake up, pretty boy. It's just a-'

The moment you touch his shoulder, shadows attack you. You jump back, startled. Suddenly, though, nichyevo shows up in front of you, defending you from the shadows. Your eyes go wide. You shake your head and try to wake up Kirigan again.

'Aleksander, wake up,' you say. This time Aleksander's arm hits you. You yelp and fall out of the bed. But before you hit the ground, nichyevo catches you and gently puts you down.

'Alright, time for drastic measures,' you sigh. You stand up and bring your hands together. In the next moment, water splashes on Aleksander's face. He sits up abruptly, gasping and coughing, his eyes wide.

'Aleksander?' you ask hesitantly. Kirigan turns his face to you. You look at him apologetically and sit down by his side.

'I'm sorry, but you didn't want to wake up,' you say and caress his hair in a soothing manner. 'You had a nightmare.'

'Yes,' Aleksander says. 'Yes, I had.'

He hides his face in his hands, breathing heavily. You look at him with worry.

'Aleksander?' you ask quietly. 'Talk to me. Please. You know it will help you.'

Kirigan is quiet and still. You bite your lower lip.

'Was it about what happened in the Fold?' you ask. 'With Alina?'

Aleksander shakes his head. You cup his face and make him look at you.

'Then what was it?' you ask. 'Let me help you. Like you always help me. Let me return the favour.'

Kirigan smiles softly and cups your cheek. Your foreheads touch.

'You're already saving me, milaya,' he says and exhales shakily. You wait. You can't push him more. He has to open up to you on his own.

'I dreamt about the time I was little boy,' he finally starts. 'I told you this story.'

He stops for a moment. You don't rush him. You return to caressing his hair. He closes his eyes, relaxing under your touch.

'I was lonely because my and my mother's powers were different,' he goes on. 'And Grisha were treated even worse than now. I… I thought I finally found a friend. Annika.'

'I remember,' you say, nodding. 'She was a Tidemaker like me, right?'

'No one is like you,' Aleksander denies and exhales shakily. 'I thought my mother and I finally found a home. At least for some time. And that I could be a normal kid with friends. But Annika found out I'm an amplifier and she…'

'Tried to kill you,' you finish quietly.

'I used the Cut for the first time then.' Aleksander whispers. 'I didn't mean to. I just wanted to survive. All my life has been about that. Surviving. Until I met you.'

He looks you in the eyes. You caress his cheek.

'I'm not the first woman you've fallen in love with,' you say quietly.

'It's different with you,' Aleksander says, shaking his head. 'With others I knew they would die before my time. And it hurt every time they did. But if I were to lose you… it would end me. I'd rather give up my eternal life than to see you die.'

You look at him softly, moved by it. Aleksander turns his head and presses a kiss to your palm. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. He looks at you with worry.

'I didn't hurt you when you tried to wake me up, did I?' he asks. You shake your head.

'Your nichyevo protected me,' you say and frown. 'Which puzzles me. It's not the first time. In the Spinning Wheel I thought you ordered it to save me. But now you were asleep…'

Aleksander is quiet for a moment. He takes your other hand and intertwines your fingers.

'When I was creating them,' he starts, 'I was doing so to survive. I thought to myself that I have to survive to come back to you and keep you save. Because of that my nichyevo'ya have two primary directives. To protect me and most importantly to protect you. Even from myself. Protecting you is even more important than protecting me.'

'Hypothetically… if we two were to fight… who would your nichyevo'ya defend?' you ask. Aleksander caresses your cheek.

'You,' he answers without hesitation. You're stunned by it. You smile weakly and kiss his nose.

'Then good thing I don't intend to fight you,' you say. Aleksander chuckles.

'That is a relief,' he agrees and smiles. 'Because like I said, I can conquer to world if you hold my hand. Even if we don't have the Firebird. Or even know where to look for it.'

Your smile falls. Somehow, in all of that, this slipped your mind. You hesitate. But you don't really have a choice. The Grisha that were with you already know about it.

'While I was talking with Alina… others were listening to Baghra and Mal's conversation,' you say quietly. 'She told him that there was no Firebird. That the third amplifier was… her sister. And that this ability was passed on through generations.'

'So we're looking for a descendant of my aunt,' Aleksander says, excited. 'I don't suppose my mother knows where they can be?'

You're quiet for a moment. Before you can tell the truth, Kirigan guesses it.

'The tracker,' he guesses. 'He's the Firebird. That's why he was able to find the others. That's why he can always find Alina.'

You nod. You look at him, your look hardening.

'Don't you dare killing him, Aleksander,' you say. 'We may be on opposite sides, but he's still my friend.'

Kirigan sighs. He closes his eyes for a second.

'We can't let Alina get the third amplifier, my love,' he reminds you. You shake your head.

'Alina would never hurt Mal,' you say. 'She'll try to find another way. We can use that to our advantage. Please.'

'Very well,' Aleksander sighs after a moment. 'We'll try to find another way as well.'

You relax, relieved, and hug him. He holds you against him tightly.

'Aleksander?' you ask after a moment. 'You know I'll never betray you? I'll always stand by you. You're not alone.'

'It means so much to me, lapushka,' Aleksander says, his voice breaking a little. '[Y/N], can I… I… I need you. Please.'

You move away from him a bit. You press a kiss to his lips.

'I need you, too,' you whisper. Aleksander quickly takes your mouth with his. The kiss quickly becomes heated and passionate. You barely notice when you both lose your clothes.

'[Y/N]…' Aleksander whispers and places you on the bed. 'My love…'

You put your arms around his neck and press him to you. You gasp when he enters you.

'Aleksander…' you moan and kiss his jaw. 'I love you. I love you so much.'

Kirigan groans and starts moving in you. He's slower than usual. He wants the pleasure to drag on. He kisses your body, whispering sweet things and promises to you. You do the same to him.

'Moya lapushka,' Aleksander whispers, rubbing your clit. 'Come for me. I feel you're close.'

'You first, pretty boy,' you gasp. Kirigan chuckles. But a few more thrusts and you're coming undone together, moaning each other's names.

When it's over, Aleksander snuggles to you. It's unusual, but you know he needs it. Right now, he's not the fearsome Darkling. He's lonely boy named Aleksander, forced by many things to become someone who he never wanted to be.

You put your arms around him and hug him. Your look hardens in a quiet determination. You will make sure he wins. And most importantly, survive. You will not let anyone else hurt him nor his soul.

I am coming for all the monsters that ever touched him. I am coming for all the ones who twisted his starts into shadows. They turned him into a nightmare, so I'm going to be theirs.

And they will never wake up…

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49965037/chapters/126629104

[bananayuyu]

When We Were Young

Part 1

Pairing: Mingi x f reader x Yunho

Genre: fluff, smut

Word count: 5.7k

Summary: Sometimes sudden change is all for the best. Especially when you meet two new boys who change your life forever. You just couldn't help falling in love with them.

Warnings: smut, MDNI

A/n: I wrote this so so many months ago, when I was too scared to post publicly on here. It was the first full fic I ever wrote, thanks to the encouragement of my bestie. I've been editing it and trying to get it ready for posting and finally I just really feel like posting it. I hope you all enjoy! (and more smut in the next part for sure, sorry this is kind of a tease)

Your childhood had been unremarkable.

Well, to you it had been. Both of your parents were academics and had been since you were born. You lived in a medium sized city, in a medium sized house; you were a good student, but not the best in your class. You had one close friend in school, and one on your dance team. Other than dance, you spent most of your time outside of school by yourself; you read and listened to music, and sometimes felt so worried at how much you enjoyed it all. You never pictured a spectacular life for yourself. You felt content with the small life you had for it was free of change, free of uncertainty. That all changed New Year's Day of your 14th year.

"Y/n, we're home!" your mother called from the front door. It was the early afternoon and your parent's had been gone for most of the day because of work. You found it surprising that they worked so often, but they seemed content enough so you didn't worry. You had spent the day chatting with your friends online and reading, which felt as good a way to welcome the new year as any. Upon hearing your mother's voice you put down your book and headed towards the kitchen.

"Y/n, we have some news for you. This might feel shocking but I promise you, it's good news. I'm sorry we couldn't tell you earlier, but it could have jeopardized everything. Here, sit," your mother said. She spoke more frantically than she usually did, though still with her steady and assuring tone. She pulled out a chair at your small dining table.

"What is it?" you asked. Your father still hadn't spoken, and was gathering ingredients for the soup he was making for dinner. Everything felt as normal as it always had. In no way were you prepared for what came next.

"Well, we're moving to Korea later this year. Your father and I both have been offered jobs there, and we've accepted them. We are both so excited for this opportunity but we know it will be a huge change for you. I hope we'll all enjoy it, though..." she trailed off at seeing your face, which instead of showing excitement, or anger, or any reaction at all stayed perfectly and unnaturally still.

For the first time in your life you couldn't believe the words coming from your mother's mouth. Your parents seemed content with their lives and you had always assumed they'd live in this house forever. Your mother's direct nature didn't surprise you, but you simply couldn't comprehend the words. They sounded wrong coming out of her mouth. You felt your heart rate rise and shook your head, trying desperately to come back to yourself. You felt faint for a moment, and then just confused. What would you do in Korea?

"What am I going to do there?" you asked, still staring off at the wall with a blank expression. Your father turned to look at you, confused as your mother was at your reaction.

"You'll go to school, like you do here," your mother started.

"Mom, I don't know Korean," you butted in. You began thinking of your school, your dance team, your room with it's pink LEDs and bookshelf of comfort, the small park a half mile away that you walked to anytime you wanted to hear the birds sing and watch the turtles in the pond sun themselves. Life was good here and it was all you had ever known. A sharp panic began to color your thoughts, and you didn't hear any of what your mother said next. You felt faint again, this time much more so.

"Y/n, did you hear me?"

You shook your head.

"It will be difficult, we know, but it would be best for you to study Korean over the next eight months. We won't leave until August, so that gives you plenty of time. You are a smart kid, I know you can make a lot of progress. And your Korean will improve there. We'd like to put you in a normal high school if possible. We don't want you falling behind of course."

You sat silently for a while. There wasn't any one thing that frightened you, just the fact that so much change would be coming.

It was a very strange eight months, stranger than any time of your life so far. Initially you felt panicked, but over the months felt a new feeling creeping in, one you weren't familiar with. You started dreaming of the future in Korea and wondering what experiences lie ahead. You knew you would miss home desperately, especially at first, but you also realized it could be a special place itself. As you started telling your classmates and teachers why you wouldn't be returning next year many of them reacted with awe. It gave you a jolt of excitement each time they did. 'My life is becoming interesting now' you thought, and it terrified you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The air was hot and sticky when you arrived in Korea in early August. You all had been expecting it. Your parents had prepared you for everything; they were the ones who helped you study Korean and remarkably all of you felt fairly comfortable now. Navigating the airport was relatively easy, and as you walked into your room of your new home, now a two bedroom apartment on the 10th floor, everything felt too easy. It wasn't until a few hours later that the jet lag hit you, and you passed out for nearly fourteen hours. You woke in the middle of the night and crept out to the kitchen to find a note from your mother.

'Y/n, we left you some food in the fridge, eat whatever you would like'

You ate and stared out the window, struggling to feel grounded.

Your first day of school in Korea was the scariest day of your life so far. Your parents had determined your Korean was good enough for you to be put in a regular school, and though you endlessly studied the expectations and etiquette you were terrified of being disrespectful or rude.

When you walked into your classroom everyone stared. One quick look confirmed your expectation that you were the only non-Korean kid in your class. Your heart sank, slightly; you worried you wouldn't be able to make a single friend. But as your eyes wandered back over the class a second time they caught on a girl who was smiling at you, not just staring. She had short black hair and wore glasses, and the look in her eye seemed rather mischevious to you, though her smile was innocent enough. You slightly bowed your head to her and she winked. You almost couldn't believe she had done it.

You greeted your teacher politely, and then she introduced you to the class. You hadn't known what to expect but it was very quick, and soon she was ushering you down a row towards an empty desk. Everything was a blur as you focused on understanding what she was saying. It wasn't until you reached your desk and sat down that you realized it was directly behind that girl who had winked at you. You stared at the back of her head, her neck, her shoulders. You realized she was quite tall, especially compared to you. As if she knew you were staring she suddenly turned around and smiled at you again. You almost jumped at her sudden movement, but managed to keep your face calm. She just smiled at you again, and then turned right around.

By the time lunch came your brain felt fuzzy and your body deflated. You hadn't paid attention to a single thing but what your teacher had spoken. As everyone began getting up for lunch the boy who sat to your right accidentally bumped into your desk slightly and you jumped.

"I am so sorry," he said as he turned around, still kneeling on the floor from searching for his fallen pencil. As he looked up you were struck by his face, his sharp nose and full lips, his long neck with a large Adam's apple that bobbed as he swallowed. He looked nervous about your reply. You felt so foggy that you didn't respond for a second.

"Introduce yourself Mingi, don't just stare at her," said the girl in front of you. She turned to you and said, "Hi, I'm Bitna. If you'd like to sit with us at lunch please do. I know it must be weird for you here, I hope not too bad. Luckily you get to sit at the back with us," she smiled at Mingi, "and can ignore everyone else as much as you'd like."

"Thank you," you replied to her, rather meekly.

"You really are so soft-spoken," she said. "Will you be joining us?"

"Oh, yes," you replied, and then, "I just don't want to be too loud on my first day."

"Sorry again," said Mingi, "I really didn't mean to bump your desk on your first day. I'm glad you'll be sitting with us."

"It's okay," you replied to him. As the three of you stood and began walking, you were struck by how tall they both were, especially Mingi. As you walked to the lunch room they were on either side of you, and you felt protected and safe even as you got several more uncomfortable stares in the hall.

"Is Yunho coming today?" Bitna asked Mingi.

"Yeah, he said he would be," he replied.

"Does he go here?" you asked, a bit confused.

"No, but he comes and has lunch with us a lot," Mingi said. "He's my best friend."

How unbelievably sweet, you thought. You had a bright feeling in your chest, even as you were exhausted.

When Yunho walked in the room you knew immediately it was him. They had said he was tall, but you would have probably used the words incredibly tall to describe him. He was lanky but walked confidently, and had the sweetest look on his face as he walked towards the table. He set down two cans of Coca Cola, for Mingi and Bitna, and then grabbed a third out of his bag.

Bitna introduced you to Yunho and he reached out his hand to shake yours. You were taken aback at how large his hand was and hesitated a moment.

"Isn't this how people greet each other in America? Sorry if I've gotten it wrong," he said.

"It is, I'm sorry!" you said, still staring at his hand which felt warm and soft surrounding yours. "I appreciate it." You looked up at him and for a second made eye contact. You felt almost lost in his face for a moment. You were having so many intense feelings today and it scared you, so you put it down to the muggy weather and nerves of your first day. Yunho cracked open the soda in his hand and then slid it over to you.

"Oh, you don't have to. Thank you though," you said, sliding it back towards him.

"Do you not like it?" he asked.

"I just feel a bit faint and overwhelmed, I don't know if sugar and caffeine will make that better," you replied.

"Have some of my water then," he said, and grabbed a water bottle from his bag and opened it for you.

"Are you sure?" you asked. His kindness, and Bitna and Mingi's too in inviting you to eat with them, felt too good to be true.

"We don't want you passing out on your first day," he said with a bright smile. "I seriously don't mind at all."

You were thankful and didn't wait another second in taking a sip. Over lunch you began to feel a bit better with the food and water in your system, and a break from having to focus. You listened to the three of them chat and again stared out the window, trying desperately to feel grounded. Remarkably, you sort of did, especially when you looked at the three of them. It was that day that you fell in love with each one of them. It was the way you would feel for a long time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The four of you became inseparable over that year, and again, remarkably, your life started to feel predictable again. You spent many nights at Bitna's house, where you would sleep over in her bed and stay up giggling about anything and everything. The boys would sometimes sleep over as well, though you noted that they never slept in the bed with you two. You were beginning to understand the world around you a bit better. They all asked you many questions about America and in turn you'd ask them about Korea. You began dancing at the same studio Mingi and Yunho were dancing at, and finally convinced Bitna to join you as well. The boys would tell you two about their dreams of being idols, and you and Bitna would tell them not to forget you when they became famous. They promised not to but you would giggle, not convinced. It was the start of three blissful years.

It wasn't until you were sixteen that you realized you were in love with all three of them, though when you looked back you knew it started the moment you met them. The feeling creeped up on you slowly, and had started within you before you could name it. Sleeping over with Bitna so often led to cuddling and secrets, and before you knew it you began to feel like she was your other half. You began to wish you could spend every waking minute with her. It wasn't objectively sexual or romantic; it almost felt even deeper than that. And with the boys, your thoughts wandered to places you hadn't expected it to. You thought of their hands, which you had developed an obsession with. You loved to give them hand massages and they always thanked you for it, never knowing where your mind was wandering to. You longed to feel their touch, anywhere they'd give it. By the time your attraction to them was plain to you it was quite strong, and nothing you did could lower the simmer. You knew you'd never do anything with them for fear of ruining the friendships, but it didn't bother you. The time you spent together was so good as it was. You just couldn't help that feeling you got between your legs when they teased you, or when you sat on Mingi's lap when you watched a movie, or when Yunho grabbed your hand every time you climbed the stairs to Bitna's front door.

It was now near the end of junior year; the four of you were seventeen. The Friday before the end of the semester was always a time to celebrate, so the four of you went to get ice cream cones and lay out at the small park by your school. Yunho was eating his chocolate cone and trying to tickle you, which you said you hated and secretly loved. He poked at a spot on your ribs and you involuntarily let out a small scream, causing the three of them to giggle. You turned toward him and shoved him slightly, accidentally making him smudge his chocolate ice cream across his lips and cheek. He fixed you with a look of contempt and you giggled.

"That's what you get," you said, rolling your eyes at him. He just kept staring at you.

"Here, I'm sorry," you leaned over, wiping the ice cream off his lips and face with your thumb. You then licked it off your finger with a slight mmm. The moment felt briefly electric, and then briefly awkward. You hadn't ever touched his face like that before and suddenly you couldn't stop thinking about his lips. His mind seemed to be whirling too and suddenly he sat up awkwardly and put his bag on his lap. You heard Bitna giggle behind you and Yunho fixed her with a glare.

"I need to use the restroom, will you come with me?" she asked you.

"Of course. Yunho can you hold my ice cream?" you asked and handed him your vanilla cone. He still hadn't uttered a word.

"Yunho is being weirdly quiet," you said once the two of you were out of earshot.

"I know, just wait," Bitna said, grabbing your hand and ushering you into the bathroom with her. Once you were inside, she grabbed both of your hands. "I need to tell you something."

You felt a bit worried, but kept silent. She breathed in sharply, and then let out a sigh.

"Yunho really likes you, you know," she started. It sounded like she wanted to say more but stopped herself.

"You mean he's attracted to me?" you asked, tired of waiting. "Just say what you want to say Bitna, please. I just want to know, I feel like you guys are keeping something from me."

"Well..." she stopped again. Then finally, "yes he is. And so is Mingi, actually."

"I don't believe you," you said.

"Yunho obviously is attracted to you, did you not see what you just did to him?" she hadn't raised her voice but there was an intensity about it.

"I know, I know, I just don't believe the thing about Mingi. Yunho makes more sense to me but..." you trailed off. It didn't seem real at all, it seemed far too good to be true. "You aren't messing with me, are you?"

"Not at all! Oh, why would you think that?" Bitna sounded actually concerned, and pulled you into a hug.

"It's just surprising, you know. I like them too. This is so strange," you replied.

"Yunho thought you already knew, and he thought you were messing with him on purpose. That's why he seemed upset," she explained.

The two of you talked some more and then headed back, not wanting the boys to start worrying. When you walked home you walked with Mingi and gave Yunho space. You felt bad, and didn't want to make it any worse for him. You'd never intended to have that affect on him, at least not consciously.

You'd also noticed Mingi's mood had seemed lower recently. You hadn't gotten as close to him as the other two over the past couple of years. He often was quiet for long periods, and seemed prone to feeling low and not wanting to socialize. Other times he seemed perfectly fine and was very energetic. But this time he'd been low for weeks, and you were worried.

When you reached Bitna's house her and Yunho sat on the front steps and said they wanted to stay outside for a while. You and Mingi headed into her room and sat on the carpet while leaning against her bed. Your head fell to his shoulder, feeling the exhaustion of the week of exams you'd all just had.

"Are you okay?" you asked. He was quiet for a long moment.

"Do I seem low?" he asked. You nodded. "There's something going on, with my family..."

He was silent for a while and you didn't press it. You simply took his hand in yours and held it to your lips, then to your cheek.

"I can't tell you anything, really, my mother would be so mad. But there is something terrible happening, with my father. It's going to be bad, really bad. And we can't tell anyone. I don't even know if I should have told you this." He sounded on the brink of tears. You rolled over onto his lap, resting your head on his chest. He leaned down and kissed your head and though the moment was sad, you felt yourself getting flustered. You still held his big, strong hand in yours and you kept staring at it as if mesmerized. The next thing you knew, Bitna and Yunho had come in the room.

"Everything all right?" Bitna asked, and hurried on over to join you two. Yunho joined last and soon the four of you were a big pile of bodies on the floor. Mingi cried out in discomfort and you all broke into giggles. They began to get up and before you did, you leaned in and whispered, "I won't tell anyone" in his ear. He squeezed your hand upon hearing you say it.

That night the boys slept over, and you and Bitna were extra giggly.

"Can you two please keep it down? I'm exhausted," Yunho said through a yawn, and you jumped down to give him a big hug and a pat on the head.

"I'm sorry you sleepy little baby," you mocked him, and he grabbed you and rolled on top of you, tickling you again. This time you couldn't fight back so you just laughed and laughed and begged him to stop.

"Okay, fine," he eventually relented, and started to let you go, but not before he saw the wet spot between your legs on your pajama shorts. It was your turn to be embarrassed and you jumped into bed, not saying anything. You couldn't stop thinking about the slight smirk you saw forming on his lips before you had bolted.

That night Bitna cuddled you, and as she wrapped her hands around your waist and grabbed you, your arousal started by Yunho's tickling kept growing. You couldn't help moving your hips around, trying to find any bit of relief from the neediness you felt.

"Are you not comfortable?" Bitna whispered in your ear, and her hot breathe on your neck and ear made the feeling even stronger.

"I'm fine," you said, as calmly as you could.

"No, you're not," she said. "Tell me."

"Bitna..." you couldn't bring yourself to say it. "I can't tell you," you finally squeaked out.

"I think I know what it is," she started, giving enough pause for you to stop her. But you didn't, you felt frozen in place. "Yunho made you horny, didn't he?"

All you could do was nod your head. A feeling of intensity washed over you, not quite shame or embarrassment, but at the same time lacking in confidence. You felt bad for being so turned on around the three of them when they were just trying to sleep.

"Don't be embarrassed," she said as she giggled. "I understand," she whispered to you, and you felt her grip around you tighten. Your head was spinning from everything she'd said, and you worried about Yunho's reaction. All you wanted was your three best friends to still be your three best friends the next morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the end your worrying was pointless, because everything between the four of you continued on as it had. Well, mostly as it had. It was now your final year of high school and the four of you were preparing for what laid beyond. The intensity of what Mingi and Yunho were pursuing became apparent, and Bitna too with her goals of attending college in the United States. You still didn't know what you wanted to do, and felt at times like every person around you was moving at ten times your speed. But you didn't mind it really, except for the fact that the three of them were busier than they ever had been. Your time together was less frequent but felt much more intense.

In January Bitna's family moved to Seattle for her to finish high school there, and the four of you stayed up all night walking the city and talking through every memory you could think of. You held her hand all night, never once leaving her side. You cried when she left for the airport in the early morning and Mingi and Yunho held you, keeping you from collapsing on the floor. Eventually Yunho picked you up and cradled you like a baby, carrying you home and placing you softly in your bed. They both tucked you in and kissed your cheeks, and tucked your hair behind your ear.

You'd never had a particularly close relationship with your parents, given how busy they always were. You didn't mind it generally, you enjoyed your alone time. But the tears rushing down your cheeks reminded you that you hadn't cried in front of another person in many years. You felt too vulnerable, and scared what the boys might say. You worried they would just start poking fun at you. But you couldn't have been more wrong.

"Our little baby..." said Mingi. "What will you do without your best friend?" His words were sweet but felt like whiplash. You felt excited by him calling you baby, and then crushed by the reminder of Bitna's departure. Your tears began falling swiftly, but you were too exhausted by that point to sob.

"We'll take care of her," Yunho said. He sounded so sure of himself. You felt strange feelings coursing through your body, but you put it down to not having slept all night.

"You promise?" you asked, struggling to form the words.

"Of course," they both answered. They both laid down on either side of you and looked at each other, as if contemplating a previous conversation they'd had.

"What?" you raised your head and asked, but your exhaustion was too great and your head fell onto your pillow again. You began dozing off, unable to keep yourself awake any longer. You swore you heard them both chuckling, but you couldn't be sure. You slept through the whole day, being woken at dinner time by your parents.

From that day on the only time you could see the two of them was at dance class on Sunday, and the few hours after dance class on Sunday evenings that they didn't have booked up with school or preparations for their auditions. With Bitna gone the three of you had taken to spending time at your place, since your parent's were often gone and didn't mind them being over anyway. You spent many of those nights watching movies in your room, the three of you sprawled on your bed. You sometimes called Bitna if you were able, and talked for hours. But usually, sadly, she was too busy or tired. The two boys had become your comfort.

Your attraction to them had not at all lessened, especially now with the long periods of separation you had from them. You saw Mingi at school sometimes but the two of you had very different schedules and he had taken to practicing during lunch. You missed those lunches desperately, and often found yourself daydreaming about the two of them. You usually sat outside now to get away from the other students. Your mind took you places far better than you thought it could, and sometimes you felt so embarrassed at what you thought about during lunch. But it made the school day bearable and was so much fun, you couldn't help but like it.

You thought about that night when Bitna had said, "Yunho made you horny, didn't he?" Was that what she said? And it was out loud, right? So many months had passed since she'd said it; you didn't trust your memory. They had both heard, right? It was never spoken of again, though. You wondered if you had made it up. You fantasized about them both coming up into Bitna's bed that night, touching and teasing you while she kissed you softly. Each time the ending was different, but your favorite, the one you often returned to, was Mingi fucking you from behind while Yunho fucked your mouth, gently enough not to entirely choke you but rough enough to make you gag. You couldn't believe the lewdness of your own mind; the image brought such pleasure to you that even sat still you felt like you might start coming.

Once or twice, on evenings when you had nothing to do at home by yourself, you took to writing about your fantasies in your personal notebook. You never wrote in it consistently, but kept it for the random times you needed to make notes or wanted to get your feelings out. You knew no one would ever read it, no one knew about it. And you needed somewhere to put your lustfull energy, for it was certainly not being satisfied any other way. You tried yourself to satiate your needs, but it just wasn't the same. You needed the two of them so badly, and you hadn't realized how badly until now, when they were busy and had full lives that had nothing to do with you.

You became bold and somewhat brash, spirred on by your intense feelings and the fact that your parents were out on a work trip for the next five days. Bitna had said they both liked you, but you doubted they wanted to do the intense sexual things you wanted. They both were so sweet and kind, and never had mentioned anything remotely sexual around you. But you didn't care anymore, you needed them. The next Sunday when the three of you returned to your house after dance class, you changed into your pajamas in front of them, not in your closet. At the sight of your naked body they both froze as if under a spell and you felt an electric thrill run through you right to your pussy. You put on a small, thin white tank top and very short shorts, which you had worn separately many times but never together. Life had become so much about school, and though you had your hobbies and a few aquaintances at school and dance to keep you entertained, you really just wanted to entertain your two favorite boys.

As you cooked up some dinner you felt them staring at your ass, and nearly started giggling to yourself with how giddy it made you. When you turned around and gave them your food, Mingi couldn't stop staring at your tits, and you couldn't help saying, "my eyes are up here, you know." Yunho started laughing and Mingi pinched your side, causing you to yelp and start running down the hall towards your room. He caught you quickly and picked you up, holding you hostage for a moment. "Don't wear that fucking top if you don't want us staring," he grumbled, rolling his eyes at you. The tension was building, you could feel the air in the room heating up. The boys both took off their shirts, as per usual, but this time you could see sweat beads forming on both of their chests and as they continued to stare at you their mouths hung open slightly as if they were panting. You kept looking between the two of them, squeezing your thighs together involuntarily. Something about the movement caused them to look at each other, again with knowing looks. The first time it happened you were sleep deprived and unsure, but this time you knew you saw it. What was going on? A bit of uncertainty tugged at your thoughts.

"You guys want to watch something now?'' you asked, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"If you want to, baby," Yunho said, and your pussy throbbed again. They only ever called you that when you were tired or sick or not feeling well, not in every day conversation. Did they know how horny that one word made you? You felt yourself getting needy at his words, and you didn't entirely understand why you felt suddenly small and happy. The feelings felt so right. You just looked at him, expectantly.

"Come on," he said, and he led you towards your bedroom by your waist, with Mingi following close behind. He sat you down on your bed and the two of them stood next to each other, looking down at you with crossed arms.

"What do you want?" he asked. You didn't know what he meant. You looked at him with confusion but didn't respond, feeling almost at ease in not speaking anymore. You felt so safe with the two of them.

"Baby, you're never going to get what you want if you don't ask for it," he said.

"We'll do anything for you, you know?" Mingi added. "We promised we'd take care of you, whatever you need. We know we've been very busy but we're here right now. What do you want?" You were silent again for a while but they kept silent too, just looking at you with adoration. The next thing you knew you were pulling your tank top over your head and flinging it on the ground. You kept looking between the two of them, again excited by the looks on their faces. You wiggled out of your shorts and panties and then sat on your knees, spreading your legs a bit for access.

You slid your hand down your torso to your core, slowly stroking down your slit with your middle finger. You were wetter than you had expected, which excited you immensely and you involuntarily let out a small moan. You slowly slid up and down, hitting your clit each time and causing your pussy to clench slightly. You began rubbing little circles over your clit, slightly faster now that you were fully relaxed. The feeling was electric, Yunho and Mingi unable to look away from your center as your pleasure continued to build. You felt hot and needy, and the position started to feel like hard work, but it was so worth it to see the looks on their faces. You kept circling your clit a bit faster, feeling a huge wave of pleasure wash over you. You shut your eyes and rode it out, not caring about the noises coming from your pussy and your mouth. As you came down you didn't feel completely satisfied, but it was the closest you had gotten. You slowly blinked your eyes open as you tried to control your breathing, and felt suddenly shocked and shameful about what you had just done. Why had they just stood there? you thought, worried that you had read their questioning wrong. Maybe Yunho thought you weren't feeling well, that's why he called you baby. You sat on your bed, legs spread, staring up at them with a look of concern on your face.

The moment stretched for far too long.

[justanamesstuff]

All I Need

Chapter 8.5 (Matty's Version)

A/N: someone left this anon (thank uuu) and I couldn't just do a blurb for it..i felt the need to do a full chapter, adding Matty's experience of the events during chapter 8. I hope you like it, guys!!

Warnings: little fluff, heavy feelings, angst, hurt feelings, SO MUCH CRYING (sorry), typos. Also, it can be a little repetitive sometimes because it has parts similar to chapter 8 (the original) but read everything because this is only Matt's POV.

Word count: 7.1 K

Blog masterlist Series MASTERLIST

Evening of the 1st show of ‘The 1975 on tour’.

Matty smiled down at his guitar, recalling inside his mind the morning with Amelia and Y/n. He wanted his life to be that, spending all his time with them in their house. Matty loved performing, he wasn’t sure he would be able to stop doing shows. Although, since Amelia was growing faster and faster, and his relationship with Y/n getting more serious, he didn’t want to miss anything. 

His sight looked up, beyond the stage of the arena, towards the seats Amelia was going to see him play. Matty’s heart pumping nervously inside his ribcage. His little girl. 

“You look…happy.” George almost hesitates to say, interrupting his inner talk.

Matty let the guitar hang in front of him, turning to look at George, “I am, mate.” he smiled sincerely. 

“Mel and Y/n are coming, right?” G messed around with his set, waiting for Ross and Adam to show up.

“Yes.” Matty couldn’t help to smile even bigger.

“Can’t wait to see the little miss.” 

Ross popped out from behind George, screaming, “Alright, babies, aren’t we supposed to do soundcheck or something?” he patted G’s back, gaining an annoyed look from him.

“Yeah, but we were waiting for you, div.” Matty snapped. 

“Ahh, you miss me, Matty?” Ross messed with him, going to kiss his cheek.

“Fuck off!” he shielded his face. 

A few feet behind Matty, Adam plugged his guitar, “Stop that, let’s get this started!” he scolded them and the three grown-ups took their places. 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Backstage at the arena.

Matty walked along George’s side, not paying attention to all the warnings he was giving him for the show. He kept his attention down towards his phone. Y/n had notified him, by text, that they arrived. Matty’s heart fluttering with the thought of having them around. He started walking faster. George didn’t stop talking, almost running to keep Matty’s pace. 

When they could see Amelia, Denise and Y/n at the other side of the hall, George acknowledged the baby first, “Where’s my favourite god-daughter?” George’s shouted when his sight fell on Denise holding Matty’s child.

“You only have one, idiot.” Matty hit him playfully on his arm.

“Org, org!” Amelia boobed up and down, excited to see them.

Once they were close enough, George stole her from Denise’s arms, wrapping Amelia with his owns. Matty went to stand closer to Y/n, touching the small of her back, sighing under his breath, feeling at ease knowing she was there with him. 

“Hi, beautiful!” G tickled her. “I missed you!” He went to kiss her cheeks, making the little girl blush. 

“You haven’t seen her in two days…” Matty scoffed, rolling his eyes. His hands drew figures on Y/n’s back, feeling desperate because there were layers between his hands and her skin. Matty felt her relax under his touch. 

“Daddy!” Matty’s face brightened, hearing Amelia calling him.

“Is this gorgeous lady asking for me?” Matty took her from G’s arms, gaining a protest from his bandmate. George’s attention changed, going to say hello to Denise and started chatting.

“You look so pretty!” He complimented his daughter, admiring her outfit, on the same vibe as he had planned for his own for the show. “She looks perfect.” Matty turned to look at Y/n.

“She looks dashing.” Denise said, instead interrupting her talking and preventing any response from Y/N. Matty looked at his own mother. “Aren’t you going to greet your mother, Matthew?” She teased him.

“Hi, mom.” He went to kiss her cheek, with Amelia resting her head on his shoulder.

Y/n focused her own sight on George standing at the other side. “Am I invisible to you, Daniels?” Y/n exclaimed, arching her eyebrow to him.

George dramatically let his tall body hang a little, comically going to engulf Y/n in a big hug. “Thought I was imagining you being here!” He joked, talking at the top of Y/n’s head.

“Ha, ha…so funny.” Y/n’s voice coming muffled by George’s chest.

Matty stared at them, “Let her breath, George.” he whined from her side.

George let her go, resting his right arm on top of Y/n’s shoulders. “Jealous man talking…”

“How was sound check?” Y/n freshly cut the bickering.

“Everything is ready to go.” G said excited.

Y/n looked up at him, “That’s cool. Charli is coming, right?” She asked.

“Yeah! She’s looking forward to seeing you and Ames.”

“Me too! I haven’t-” Y/n started to talk, when someone from the crew shouted.

“Matty!” Mark –the security guard– made himself visible for them; the whole group turning around to look at him. “There is a girl at the gate, asking for you.” Mark addressed Matty directly.

“I’m not expecting anyone else, must be a fan.” The frontman tried to brush it off,

Mark insisted, “She’s not…she’s on the list.”

“Fuck…can you take Amelia for a second?” Matty looked at Y/n, pleading.

 “Yes.” Y/n’s replied.

Matty stared at her eyes for a moment, feeling there was some kind of worry. He wanted to take it away and bring back her smile. 

“I’ll be right back.” Matty reassured her. 

He ran towards Mark, turning back to check at Y/n and Amelia until he couldn’t see them.

*****************

At the gate

“Hi, Matty.” Daisy greeted him, when he came to the back entrance.

She was standing beside a bodyguard, looking even more small than she was. Matty felt a wash of relieve to know it was his friend the one at the gate and not some crazy person trying to get in.

“Hey, Dais. Whatcha doing here?” he went for a hug. 

Her answer came from behind his head, “You asked me?” she inquired. 

“Right! Shit- I forgot.” 

“I knew it, you idiot.” she hit his arm playfully.

Matty watched Mark talk with the other guard, letting him know everything was fine. The frontman detached himself from Daisy, glancing at her face. 

“Sorry, sorry…I’ve been-”

“Ignoring your dear friend.” she accused him directly. 

“I wasn’t ignoring you, if that’s the case I’ve been ignoring you and all the rest. I’ve been occupied with-” he blushed. “I’ll tell you later, there are a few people I want you to meet.” Matty exclaimed excited. He wanted to introduce his dear friend to Amelia and Y/n. 

“Let’s go then!” she urged him.

Walking at the same speed –not too fast, not too slow–, Matty and Daisy made their way from the gate towards the green room where people awaited for Matty specially. Matty rubbed his hands, anxiously. The time before the show was coming to an end, and his nerves sensed it.

He tried to distract himself making conversation, “So, how’s everything?”

“Not good, not bad, y’know? He’s telling bad things about me to all of our mutual friends, so…” Daisy brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, tired. 

“He’s such a twat.” Matty didn’t hesitate to say.

“I know.” she bobbed her head up and down.

“You deserve better, Daisy.” Matty let his hand rest in the middle of her upper back, patting her to show his support.

“I’m aware. Thanks, Matty.” she smiled at him, turning around the corner. Loud voices coming from the green room, and the hustle of the arena. “Hey! Sorry for bringing the mood down, this is your night!” she cheered up a little. 

“Yeah, yeah.” he smirked. “Okay, here.” he guided her, letting enter the room first.

*************************************************************

Backstage room. 

(30 minutes for the show…)

“Daddy!” Amelia was the first one to spot him, leaving Hann’s children playing alone. 

Matty's sight went first towards Y/n who was chatting with Carly. She found his eyes for a split second and then looked down. Odd.

Amelia collided with his legs, forcing him to pay attention to her, “Hey, baby.” Matty lift her up. “This one is Amelia, my daughter.” He introduced Daisy to Amelia, returning his eyes to Y/n’s form sitting on the big couch, she was not really listening to Carly’s story.

Matty grew confused with Y/n’s reaction. It was like she was miles away from him, he didn’t like the feeling.

“Hi, sweetie.” Daisy greeted Matty’s daughter.

Amelia hid her face on Matty’s neck. “She’s shy with new people.”

“It’s fine.” Daisy understood, she was a very shy person herself, so she related to the little girl.

 Suddenly, Matty watched from the corner of his eye how Y/n pushed up from her sit, excusing herself with Carly. Walking fast towards the door. 

“Y/n?” Matty interrupted her exit, worried.

“Yeah?” She turned around. Matty looked her eyes drift between them three, hiding something behind her beautiful eyes.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes, Matty. I need to go to the bathroom. Watch Amelia for me, please.” Y/n rushed her words and stormed out.

It took Matty a second to react, even though when he realized he needed to do something he moved fast.

“Mom?” Matty instantly shouted for his mother. 

“Yes, Matty?” 

“Can you look after Amelia?” he asked, walking closer to her, leaving Daisy behind.

Denise studied his worried face, “Everything is alright?”

“Yes- I don’t know, please.” he insisted, passing Amelia, so his mom could hold her. When his daughter was secured, he moved around,  “Sorry, Daisy. Be right back.” he apologized with her.

One look at his face after Y/n left the room, gave Daisy enough information to just say, “Don’t worry, go!”

****

Matty ran to the bathroom, knowing she was at the other side. He stopped, looking at the red door, catching his breath. 

He knocked rhythmically.

“Y/n.” Matty called her, trying to be polite and respectful, waiting for her permission.

“No!” she shouted, but before Y/n could prevent it, Matty was inside. He preferred to say sorry and no please that time. 

Matty took her state in, her body deflating. He exclaimed a quiet, “Baby…”

“Don’t you fucking dare!” Y/n took some steps backwards. Matty’s heart break into pieces. She didn’t want him close. His mind started to pound and his hands sweating. What happened? In fact, what was happening?

“Y/n?” He asked, expecting. 

“Please, leave me alone.” She coldly responded.

“Y/n-” He protested.

Y/n shook her head from side to side, without looking at him. “Matty, I-”

“Sweetheart-” Matty came closer, he lifted his hand going to touch her face, Y/n sensed it. She made the space between them even bigger. Matty’s heart stopping for a second. “It’s not-” he wanted to tell her that it wasn’t alright from her to push him out and what could he do, but she understood something else.

Y/n lift her hand, stopping him. “Don’t tell me it’s not what I think it is…I have eyes. I don’t understand.” 

Realization hit Matty fully when Y/n spoke those words. She believed Daisy was one of his exes. Matty felt an urge to whipped his worries.

“There’s nothing to understand, baby!” Matty desperately tried.

“Don’t call me baby! No when she’s in the other room-” Y/n bit her lips.

“This is not– She’s not–” Matty didn’t know how to explain everything, how to repair the damage he did. He wanted to push her closer, he needed Y/n. Matty felt hopeless and terrified.

“I knew it was too good to be true.” Y/n stated, regaining her coldness. 

Matty felt weak on the knees when her words reached his ears, “Y/n, please listen to me! This is a mis-” He begged.

“So you can lie to me again? I’m naive, no stupid.” Y/n spat. “I need to go and check on Amelia.” She told him, starting to walk towards the door.

She couldn’t leave the room without this mess being clarified. 

“Amelia is with my mom. She’s okay. Y/n don’t go.” Matty took her wrist. Y/n look at his fingers, and back at his eyes when he started talking. “I invited her way back, wasn’t expecting her to actually show up. She doesn’t mean anything!” He screamed. Matty felt like his words weren’t reaching her. Panic was filling his body, he couldn’t lose her.

“I don’t care, Matty. Let me go.” Y/n said strangely calmed.

“I can’t let you go….how could I?” Matty felt his eyes watering. “No when I’ve just got you back…” Matty spoke softly, loosing strength.

“Don’t-” Y/n protested. “Just stop. Let me go.” She insisted.

“Y/n-”

Someone knocked on the bathroom door behind them. Matty felt rage overtaking him.

“What?!” He shouted, still holding Y/n.

“Matty, are you there?” The stage manager asked. 

Matty breathed in, trying to calm down, he asked, “Yes, what?”

“5 minutes!” The person informed him.

“Fuck!” He swore under his breath.

“I’ll get Mel…” Y/n took her hand out of his embrace.

Matty went to touch her again, screaming, “Y/n!” but she was gone. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He started screaming without caring who could hear him.

*********

Matty stumbled into the green room, feeling disconnected from everything. Was Y/n going to leave him? 

This was a big misunderstanding he needed to fix. Daisy was his friend, and Y/n the love of his life, the mother of his child, his everything. He couldn’t lose her two times in his life. 

“Matty?” Adam asked slowly, carefully.

The frontman looked like a cat ready to jump and scratch you. 

“Mhm.” he mumbled.

“Are you okay?”

Silence was the answer the guitarist gain from his friend. He placed a hand on his shoulder, still being careful but hurried by the time. They had to get on stage right now. 

“What?” Matty snapped out of his trance. 

“Are you okay?” Adam asked again.

Matty looked around the room. The rest of the band directly staring at him, he grew self-conscious. He had a work to do.

“Yes-” he cleared his throat.  “Yes, I’m fine. Let’s do this.” Matty walked out the room without making contact with his mates. 

He was going to do the show, as best as he could, still thinking about Amelia, and then when everything was done he was going to approach Y/n and fix the mess.

********

Matty wasn’t really interacting with the crowd. Barely touching the wine the crew left for him to drink, he preferred to stay sober. Although he was smoking like a chain, his nerves and anxiety spiralling. 

Even with the mix of emotion he was going through that night, the band managed to deliver an amazing show. The singer knew he should interact with the crowd more, but he had no energy.

Matty lighted another cig when the rest of the band left him alone on stage for a few minutes. He took the microphone, walking closer to the edge of the stage. He looked up to the left side of the stage, shielding his eyes from the strong lights.

“There’s someone special here tonight…” He started to speak, still looking. People cheered for him, screaming a lot of different things he missed. “I don’t remember the exact place, but-” He rambled. “My little girl is here!” Matty screamed proud. 

The lights around the arena came back on, so he could see better around. Although, Matty wasn’t having it.

“Turn the lights off again!” He demanded. “Please, put your phones aside…” He asked rather politely. “My daughter is watching me and the rest of the band…” Matty made a signal like that last part didn’t matter, making everyone laugh. “For the first time…” He started walking around the stage, looking down at the floor.  “She’s here, with my mom and her own mother-” Y/n’s face hurt inside the bathroom earlier on made him want to cry. “So, as you can see, this is a very special night for me.” he looked at the sea of people following every one of his movements. 

People started screaming, and proceed to chant Amelia’s name. 

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” Matty spoke, bringing his free hand to his heart, looking at the fans. Even though he wasn’t a big fan to acknowledge that many people knew his baby’s name. He wanted to keep Amelia out of the spotlight as much as he could. His protective side turned on. “Back to me now…” The crowd laughed again. “This night is special. There are some things I wish were different, but life is-” Matty stopped his sentence, he wasn’t going to share this part of his life with the fans. “I don’t know.” He finished without making too much sense. Matty really didn’t care. 

The rest of the band returned to the stage, Matty stared at them for a second without speaking. “Right, we’re going to play one of Amelia’s favourite songs…which obviously-” He smugly exclaimed. “It’s one written by daddy.” he pointed to his chest, gaining a new round of screams from the crowd. “I hope you like it, baby. I love you!” Matty closed the moment. 

The first chord of ‘Sincerity is Scary’ started playing around the big venue. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost midnight, still at the arena.

When the show was done, he almost forgot to say goodbye to the crowd. Matty wanted to found Y/n as fast as he could. 

He entered the green room, some guys from the crew were there working on stuff Matty didn’t focus on. No Amelia, no Y/n. 

Matty returned to the hall, watching a happy George walk closer and closer.

“George, have you seen, Y/n?” he asked, his breath rapidly. 

“No.” G’s demeanour changing completely, feeling like something bad was happening.

“Amelia?”

George tried to think, “No since-”

“Fuck, fuck.”

“Hey, they must be stucked with the fans or something.” the drummer tried to reason with his friend, not wanting to think that something bad indeed happened.

“No.” Matty took his phone from his pocket. Nothing.

Adam and Ross rounded George’s body, coming into Matty’s view. They looked at his friend who asked without skipping a bit, “Guys, have you seen Y/n or Amelia?”

“No.”

Ross stared at him, going to speak, “No, since earlier. What’s-” 

Denise and Daisy’s returned interrupted him.

“Mom!” Matty shouted.

Denise didn’t notice her son’s worried state, she went to congratulate him, “Matty! What a show! Amelia was so happy to watch-”

He interrupted her, “Yeah, yeah. Where are they?” he asked, going directly to the point.

She stared at his face, “Y/n and Amelia?”

“Yes, mom! Fuck- Where are they?”

“What’s wrong, Matty?”

“I don’t know, fuck.”

“Y/n told us she was going, I thought she was returning here…” Denise told him what she knew.

“Okay, I-”

“Hey, they’re fine” Denise let her hands rest on his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. 

Matty tapped on the screen of his phone. “I need to know exactly that, Denise.” 

“Call her.”

“Thanks mum, very helpful.” his voice full of irony. Matty placed his phone to his ear. “I’ve been trying, she’s not picking up.” 

“There must be a reason.”

Matty tried again and Y/n picked up finally. 

“Y/n, thank god! Where are you?” Matty screamed.

He noticed her cold tone she used in the bathroom, “Home.”

“Fuck, Y/n! You scared the shit out of me!” Matty walked down the hall, far from the rest of the group. 

She explained, “I’d told your mom to tell you. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Bab-” Matty started to say, pressing on his free ear because the guys and Daisy were making too much noise. 

Y/n cut him, saying, “Amelia is fine, Matty. I’m sorry. Go to your after party-” 

He interrupted her this time, “Fuck, no, I’m not going to that…we need to talk! I have to finish here, and then-” Matty tried again for Y/n to listen. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Matty. Not now.” Y/n stopped him.

Matty felt panic creeping inside his body. “Y/n…” He begged. 

“I’m going to bed, to my bed.” Y/n informed him; her voice breaking at the end. The mention of ‘my bed’ and not ‘our bed’ broke his heart in pieces. “Good night, congratulations!” She choked on her words. 

Before Matty couldn’t add a single sound, Y/n hang up the phone.

“Shit.” Matty shouted, making his friends and mom to look at him. He felt the tears wetting his cheeks. This night supposed to happen differently.

Denise, George, and Daisy approached him almost immediately when his broken cries reached them.

“Where are they?” Denise inquired first.

“Home.” Matty dried his eyes with his sleeve. “I need to go home.” he touched his pockets, trying to think if he had everything.

“What’s happening?” Denise continued. 

“I don’t know, mom.” Matty told her a white lie. “Daisy?” he turned to look at his friend.

“Yes?” 

“I need to rush home. You can go with the boys to the after party if you want, or I’ll call a car for you.” 

“Sorry guys, but jet-lag it’s hitting me.” she told G, and he boobed his head understanding.

A quick set of goodbyes were exchanged between the little group. Afterwards, Matty walked around the halls and spaces of the backstage with Daisy to found the way out of the arena.

“So, what’s happening with Y/n?” she took the risk to ask Matty.

Matty putted his hands on his trousers pockets, “How do you know it’s about her?” he didn’t look at her face. 

“I see how you look at her, Matty.” Daisy smiled.

“Right.”

“And how she looks at you.” Matty’s friend admitted. “So, what’s happening?”

“I’m not sure, and I’m scared.”

Daisy placed a hand on his back, like he did earlier that night when they were talking about her ex.“Hey,” she called him. “Everything is going to be alright, yeah?”

Matty made direct eye contact. “I hope so”

“Believe me, I’m a little witch-y.” she joked.

He said, feeling a little more calm, “You’re a little bitchy.”

“Asshole.” Daisy hugged him once they were at the gate.

“Text me when you arrive at the hotel, okay?” he made her promise.

“Sure. Good luck, my friend!” Daisy shouted, going to open the back door of the Uber. 

“Thanks.” he waved.

Daisy last words were, “Keep me updated!” he nodded.

“Bye.”

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

One hour later…

Matty claimed up the stairs, jumping between steps to reach the first floor quicker. He needed to see Y/n, they had to talk. He couldn’t give up without fighting for them.

The house was under a complete silence. Most of the lights gone. Y/n previously informed him Amelia was sleeping. He tried to hurry without making too many noises. 

When he took the last step, finally arriving at the top of the stairs, his heart sank. Y/n’s door was once more closed. A soft glow of light coming from underneath it. Matty moved forward. He pressed his ear to the door, taking the handle without twisting it. 

Y/n was scrolling through some social media, the noise was clear for him. He knocked and all the sounds were gone. 

“Y/n…” he started softly. Nothing. “Baby…” he tried once more. “I know you’re up. I need- We need to talk, please.” Matty continued.

“Go to sleep, Matty.” She whispered loud enough for him to hear. 

“I can’t sleep if we don’t solve this…” 

“Don’t-”

“Y/n.” Matty felt he was running out of resources.  

“Go away.” 

Matty started crying again, he had lost count how many times he had cried during the night. This time he did it in silence. He decided to give her space, even with his heart broken. 

He walked all the way to his room with his heart on his hand, ripped. Matty pushed his room door open, expecting to magically see Y/n there. Reality was a hard pillow to swallow. His bed felt strange, foreign, unfamiliar without her; he didn’t want to try to get in. 

He moved closer to it, reaching for his pillow, and stopped in the middle of the same action. He leaned forward, reaching for the pillow Y/n used all those weeks sleeping with him. Matty brought it downstairs with him.

He left the pillow and stared at it, feeling his face wet. Matty was sure about fighting for her, for them. Although, his mind couldn’t help to overthink a little.

The singer folded forward, landing on the couch. His body twisting until he was lying as a little baby in fetal pose. He clutched the middle of his chest. 

Matty cried and cried until he felt asleep, with the repeating thought about how this was only a big misunderstanding. He could fix it, they were going to solve this and returned right back to normality. 

Repeating history two times wasn’t a possibility, Matty reassured himself. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

His phone started ringing from under his tired form. Matty groaned with his eyes closed, touching everywhere around him to try to find it. Useless. He had to open his sore eyes to realize the device was under his body.

“Hello.” his raspy voice, low and barely understandable. 

“Morning.” Jamie greeted him from the other end. “Sorry to disturb your princess slumber, but we have an emergency.”

“What’s wrong?” Matty sit upwards, blinking his eyes to get used to the early morning sun. 

“I know you’re stepping out of the board of directors, although util it’s done I need you here.” Jamie explained. 

Matty ran a hand through his curls, “Whatever, tell me.”

“I’ll fill you in when you get here.” subtly telling him to go to the office. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Okay, bye.”

Matty cut the line without spoken more words. 

He excited the house, taking a look towards the stairs. No sounds coming from the first floor. Matty opened the door and left the house. The sooner he solved everything at work, the sooner he could be back.

*******

Dirty Hit 

He was seated at the big table with Jaime and the rest of the people on charge. Matty was trying really hard to keep his focus on the topic, but his mind drifted several times. 

The frontman checked his phone under the table, no messages. Y/n was probably awake now, still not texting him. He swallowed thick.

Matty moved his fingers along his screen until his thumb found the Instagram up. His phone crashed with the amount of notifications that started showing on his phone. Matty kept tabs about Y/n and Amelia. He started to worried.

“Jamie.” he whispered to his managed seated beside him. 

“What?” the older man replied without sparing him a glance.

“Let me borrow your phone.” 

“Why?” this time, Jamie stared at him, forgetting the meeting.

Matty extended his hand, with the palm upwards. “I need to check something, I’ll be quick.” he promised.

Jamie let him have his phone, monitoring what Matty did with it. The singer opened Instagram again.

Multiple sites showing Y/n walking along Paul, or pictures of the seated at a fancy restaurant. Matty didn’t move a muscle. He knew they were old, but he feared for Y/n reaction. 

He continued scrolling until his eyes fell on a post that mixed the same pictures and a video of him walking with Daisy the night before. The fuckers cut the video to make it look worse than it was in reality.

“Shit.” Jamie swore beside him.

“I’m going to call Y/n.” he informed his manager, without caring about the rest of the people staring at him left. 

He heard Jamie excused him. 

******************************************

Matty didn’t know very well how he managed to make his phone work, he had only one objective in mind: talk with Y/n. Not even the cold weather that morning bother him when he opened the door to the rooftop of the studio.

He attached his ear to the phone. The characteristic sound repeating. Matty was dying for a cigarette to calm his nerves. He bit his nails anxiously. 

The answering machine. 

He huffed, going without thinking twice to call again. Still nothing. 

The light bulb inside his brain found a solution. He found fast Grace’s contact and press on it. 

Line sounding rhythmically.

“Hi, Matty.” Grace greeted him, Matty listened to the sound of the back door of his house closing. 

Matty’s voice was quavering, unsure, when he asked,  “Please tell me you’re with Y/n.” he placed a hand on his forehead. 

“I am…”

“Tell her to answer me.” Matty commanded Grace. 

She hesitated, “She’s not…ready…to talk.”

“Grace, I swear-” groaned, closing his eyes tight. He felt the first signs of a headache.

“I’m trying to do my best to not send you to fuck yourself, for everything. I’m trying only for her, so don’t push my buttons, Healy!” She warned him, surprising how Grace brought her protective side.

“She’s not talking to me. I need to talk to her.” Matty was desperate up to that point.

“Matty-”

“Grace, I’m begging you!”

“Matthew…”

“I swear it’s not what’s look like…” Matty tried to play that card. If Y/n wasn’t going to talk to him, at least if Grace knew, he was sure Y/n was going to get the information. 

Grace scoffed at the other end. “Paul said the same to her…” 

“Don’t compare me with him.” he shouted furiously with the comparison.

“I’m stating facts, Healy.” 

“Yeah, your cousin is a wanker. I’d never do that to her, never.” 

“Then what happened yesterday?” Grace asked, annoyed. 

“I’m not with Daisy, I had never been. Grace, please put Y/n on the phone.” his patience leaving his body.

“You’re in no place to demand, Matty. If you’re worried about her, don’t.” how could he not worry about the love of his life? “I’m here, I’m staying as long as she needs. Let her breath for a minute, okay?” Grace requested this time.

“Fuck, you’re asking a lot, Grace.” Matty pull his hair. 

“I’m not. Do it, for her and Amelia.” and then she hanged the line.

Matty slowly placed his phone in front of his face. He stayed froze on his place for a minute before he returned inside.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Dirty Hit’s office to home (non-stop).

Matty’s first instinct once he returned home was to search for Y/n. She wasn't in the kitchen, or living room, or laundry room. Nowhere around the low level. For a second time in less than 24 hours, he ran upstairs. 

He was sadly convinced she wasn’t going to be in his room, even though maybe she was in Amelia’s room or bathing their daughter. The house was spectrally under silence. Y/n was nowhere, neither Amelia. Matty felt a rush of panic. He took his phone out of his pocket, ready to call her if his last try didn’t work. 

“Y/n?” He knocked on her door.

Silence was the only replied from the other side. 

“Y/n, are you there? Are you okay?” Matty tried. 

Y/n decided to reply, “I’m fine, go away.” Relief wash over his muscles, at least she was at home. 

“Please let me in, I want to check you’re alright…”

She marched angrily towards the door, opening it with a sudden movement that Matty didn’t expect.

“I’m doing fucking amazing, don’t you see?” Y/n shouted, opening her arms wide on the air. ‘Fuck, I missed her’, he thought.

“Baby-” 

It was the first time they saw each other since the fight in the bathroom, at the arena. His hands ache to hold her, to bring her closer. Y/n wanted to push his away, out of her sight. 

“Don’t call me that.” Y/n folded her arms.

“Y/n…”

“I don’t want to hear it, Matty.”

“I need to tell you.”

Y/n scoffed, turning around, far from him. “Exactly what? That all the past weeks, month were noth-” She stopped, choking on a sob. “Nothing for you.” Y/n rearranged herself, looking at Matty’s eyes with her own full of tears. 

Matty was taken aback from her sayings. “Nothing?” 

She believed she didn’t mean not only a lot, that she didn’t mean the entire world for him. 

“You were with her meanwhile…” Y/n stated very sure of her words, making Matty’s heart swelled.  

“No!” Matty took a few steps forward into her room. “Of course not! Daisy and I- We never- It wasn’t like that between us. Y/n, we-”

“We what? Right, nothing…it meant the same as the other girls you fucked…” Matty’s knees weakened instantly. 

“Y/n, you know that’s not true!” Matty insisted on it. 

“I don’t know any more after yesterday!”

“Please, listen to me.” Matty continued making himself closer to her. “I would never do that to you, never.” He searched for her eyes, Y/n started back. “You’re the mother of my baby, you’re my friend…” Y/n went to protest, but Matty stopped her. “You’re the love of my life, Y/n!” Matty finally admitted. The words slipping through his lips, but he couldn’t care less. He didn’t want to keep the secret any longer.

Y/n eyes grew a size,  “You don’t mean that, Matty.”

“I do, I fucking do. I loved you since the first moment I met you…” Matty felt brave enough to hold her face between his hands. “I was a fucking coward, I still am. Well, now I’m trying to fix that. I love you, Y/n. I’ve loved you since the start and never stopped.”

“Don’t say that…” 

Matty felt more sure of himself. “It’s the truth.”

“Why you never said anything?” Y/n protested.

“Because…the prospect of losing you, or you hating me- Can’t do, baby.” Matty stared at her with his eyes softening looking at her.

“Matty-”

“I mean it.” He leaned forward. 

“I don’t know if I can do this- No right now…” Y/n closed her eyes, Matty stared at her letting his forehead rest on hers.

 “Why not? I know you feel it too.” He was sure of it. 

“Matt-”

“Fuck, gorgeous…please.” Matty wasn’t going to stop begging if that was needed for her to returned with him.

“Stop, I need space to think!” Y/n took a step backwards, making his hands fell at his sides. 

“What there’s to think, Y/n? We love each other!” he complained.

“A lot there’s to think! Saying you love me doesn’t solve things magically, Matty. My phone is bombarded by your fans telling me how horrible of a mother I am, dating some random guy. Said guy that was fucking other girls while dating me, person I don’t want to hear about, but now I have to. My name is on a handful of articles. Amelia’s privacy, my privacy, it has been violated. Add to the mix the videos of you with that girl-” Matty stayed in silence, listening to her explanation. 

Matty went to tell her everything about Daisy, “I walked her out of the venue…that was all-”

“Well, they say other stuff.” Y/n exposed what the articles were saying, what he read after a quick inspection. 

“Y/n, you know better than-”

“Do I? Matty, this is all very confusing…I need time.” Y/n begged. 

“I can give you time, space…everything, but don’t leave me.” Matty reached for her hands. 

“I think it is for the best, Matty. For now…”

“No.”

“Yes, we need to think about Amelia. We were okay when we stopped messing around-”

Matty felt his throat close down, thinking Y/n could think so less about the connection he felt they had.

He started low, “We weren’t just-”

”Doesn’t matter now.” Y/n spat.

“It does!”

“Matty, be real.”

“I am!”

“What happens when you get bored of me, of being a…couple, ha? Where am I going to be left? Being just your friend again and the mother of your daughter? Think about Amelia…I don’t want us to mess up with her head.”

“Y/n-”

“What happens when you take onto fucking every single groupie again right where you left it?”

“I don’t want to get back to that, Y/n.” he didn’t delay saying. “Since you are in my life, I’m done with it….since we had Amelia here, I’m done with all that shit. I want the three of us…”

“And yet you kept doing it, Matty.” Y/n shot his past doings directly into his face.

“You’re not being fair with me. Adam has a family-”

“Adam is Adam, you…are you, Matty.” Y/n bitter tone wounded Matty deeply.

“I would do anything to have you again.”

Y/n tilted her head.“When did you really have me, Matty? We were never…” 

He stopped her before she could finish that lie. “Don’t say it, don’t fucking say it.”

“I’m sorry, Matty. I think it is for the better if I stay with Grace for the night…” Y/n concluded.

She signalled with her hand to move out of her bedroom; Matty didn’t want to, although if this was what she wanted for now, he’d obeyed. For now.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later…

Matty was closing his suitcase, which was placed on top of his bed; a place that stayed untouched for days. Matty had been sleeping on the couch or besides Amelia's crib. He was physically incapable of getting under his sheets. 

He looked around, feeling nostalgic already. Matty had to leave for tour in a couple of hours, before that, George was going to pick him up soon. He didn’t want to leave, not when Y/n and him were barely talking. Matty did his best to give her the space and time she needed, he was sure about his intentions and his past actions. If he had to, he would wait his entire life for her. He was sure she was going to return to be his, this time was different from before. Y/n loved him, he knew. That was what kept him going. Even though, leaving for two weeks was reaping his heart from his chest. 

Matty grew used to the routine of staying home, going to the studio and return to his girls. He was getting old, getting tired of all the hassle of touring. He loved the moment he was on stage, with the fans, but the rest was starting to bother him. Specially since Amelia and Y/n stayed at home. 

The sound of the front door closing, the soft chat of Amelia and Y/n –mostly the mother talking–, brought him back. He took the suitcase, carrying it in one hand while he started walking downstairs. 

Matty left the item close to the door, voices came from the kitchen now. He smiled hearing them interact. He walked slowly there. 

“Hey.” He made himself present. Y/n turned to look at him from the kitchen, closing the refrigerator slowly. 

“Hi.” She answered. 

Matty twisted his hands, anxiously, “George is picking me up in a couple of minutes…” he told Y/n.

“Mhm.” she expressed shortly.

“I’m going to say goodbye to Amelia.” Matty hesitated, wanting to say more, wanting to beg.

“Sure.”

He approached Amelia, interrupting her playtime. “Mel-mel?” He called her attention.

“Daddy!” the little girl said, running to hug him.

Matty rounded her, “Baby, daddy has to go now.” He tried to explain, she looked at him trying to understand. “Daddy is going to miss you so much, Mel.” Matty felt tears coming but fought them, he didn’t want to upset her.

Amelia noticed his change, “Daddy.” she hugged him tight, hiding herself inside his embrace. 

“I know, I know…I’ll see you soon, okay baby?” Matty rocked from side to side, trying to soothe her. 

“No.” she whined. 

“Yes, you’re going to have fun with mommy and aunty Grace.” Matty tried this time, holding his sobbing, biting his lip.

Amelia wasn’t having it, “Daddy.”

“It’s okay, we’re okay.” 

The doorbell rang, interrupting them. Y/n went to answered it. 

After a short chat, she informed, “Matt, George is outside.”

“I know.”

“Come on, she’ll be fine. I promise.” Y/n approached her daughter and Matty.

He stood up, taking Amelia with him. He turned around, coming closer to Y/n. She stood there, waiting for his actions. He took her cheek on his hand, caressing it. 

“Y/n-” he said, searching for her eyes. 

“Not now Matt-” 

He rested his forehead on her. If they weren’t going to talk, at least he needed to be close, to touch her after leaving the house. Maybe, like that, she would understand his feelings. 

“Please.” Matty couldn’t stop trying.

“Go and do your thing, Matty.” Y/n said, more sure of herself. “We’ll be here…waiting, and then we will talk, okay?” she promised. 

“Mhm.” Matty agreed, without moving a single muscle. 

Y/n instructed, “Go.”

Matty opened his eyes, looking at her from inches away. “I love you.” he openly expressed.

“Matty.” Y/n softly complained.

“You don’t have to say it, I need to say it.” she nodded.

“Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Matty spoke, and turned to kiss Amelia’s head. “Bye, baby.” He proceeded to pass Amelia to Y/n.

“Daddy, no-” she struggled, reaching for the comfort of Matty’s body. His heart breaking in pieces with the idea of hurting Amelia.

Y/n lulled her, “Shh, baby…it’s okay, mommy is here.” 

Matty walked away, not turning around. If he took one more look at Amelia and Y/n we would refuse to leave the house.

The front door closing down resounded around the house. Amelia started crying harder. 

“Daddy!” Amelia tried to call him back.

Matty started to fully cry, still hearing Amelia at the other side of the door.

The walking towards George’s car felt longer than normal. His feet weighing like his shoes were made of concrete.

When he sat down, G asked, “Everything alright?”

“Fuck, no.” Matty admitted, still crying. 

“Mate-” 

“I’m losing her, G.” Matty hid his face behind his calloused hands. 

“What happened?” George wondered. 

“She believes I cheated.”

“What? Have you?”

“Fuck you George! Of course not.” Matty pushed his body back into the seat, turning to look at his friend.

G showed him his palms up showing innocence, “Hey! I’m trying to understand.”

“Sorry.”

“Matty…you’re not going to lose Y/n.” G started the car, moving slowly from Matty’s house front.

The frontman shocked his face from side to side, “I can’t lose her, G. I can’t…”

“And you won’t, okay? Give her a little time.” Matty’s mate advised him.

Matty watched his house got lost between the rest around his neighbour. He wanted to return home already.

[homunculus-argument]

Actually no, it's been 24 hours and I'm still mad about it so I'm elaborating.

My cousin's graduation is soon. I had decided that I will either get there through public transport, or I'm not coming at all. After seeing that getting there by bus and train wasn't a plausible option, I informed my family group chat (my mom and sister) that I'm not coming. When mom asked whether I'd need a ride, I told them that my therapist doesn't recommend that I should travel with them after what happened in London.

See, we went to London together as a family last summer. My sister was turning 30 and really wanted to go to London for it, but didn't want to go alone. So as my birthday gift to them both, I paid for our mother's ticket on top of my own to make the family trip possible.

In London, we tried to have a good time and do family activities. All being fond of history, we went to see a beautiful old church. I kept my hat off, of course, it would be rude and disrespectful to wear your hat inside a church. We were taking pictures in the areas where photography was permitted. I wanted to take a picture of something where I needed both hands, and didn't know where else to put my hat, so I decided to hold it by the rim with my teeth for the 30 seconds it would take to snap the picture.

My sister saw this, marched up to me and without saying a word, slapped my hat from my teeth onto the church floor hard enough to make my tickets and all such things that were inside the hat scatter. I was startled and baffled, asking why she did that and protested that it was uncalled for. Our mother swooped in to her defense.

"She was only trying to correct you."

Later on, we were eating at a restaurant. I had the toughest pizza in history, and while struggling to cut it, I managed to rip it apart and pieces scattered on the floor. Defeated and beaten down, I gave up trying to eat. One piece fell beside my foot. I wanted to pick it up, bur being used to my family berating me for anything I tried to do, I figured they would scold me if I did.

When my sister told me to pick it up, I broke down completely.

I wasn't just sobbing, but stammering and shaking uncontrollably, physically incapable of holding the outpour back. I was so desperate to calm myself down that I clawed my scalp hard enough to draw blood, begging them to just fucking tell me what the fuck they want me to be like, how the fuck am I supposed to be and do to be good enough for them. I told them that no matter what I did, it seemed to be wrong.

They calmly, angrily told me that they had never done such things, that the way I was feeling was completely incorrect, and right now they wanted me to calm down and stop being dramatic, I was embarrassing them. The waitress looked genuinely unsettled and concerned for my wellbeing, while my family was annoyed with me.

So that was what I was referring to when I referred to London. My sister responded with "well you were the one who wanted to come along" and a passive-aggressive thumbs-up emoji. As if I had forced my way to her fun birthday vacation that would have been nice without me, and therefore it's my own fault if I had a horrible time there.

Our mother chimed in to say that it's very sad if we can't all just get along when our family is so small, but agreed that maybe it is for the best to let the dust settle before we can spend time together again.

And that was it. I was done. I left the group chat, blocked them both, and I am never speaking to my family again. And I know if my sister finds this post (I've blocked her on tumblr too), she'll try to find a way to contact me to try to shame me for "airing out our dirty laundry" by reporting the things that they did in public.

Fuck you.

[obsessedwithtoomanythings]

The Terrifying Ordeal of Falling in Love with Leon Kennedy

CHAPTER 13

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Reader (female reader)

Series Warnings: Minor injuries, Leon teases reader a lot, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Drinking, Drinking followed by driving, DO NOT DO THAT THIS IS FICTION, Anxiety, Leon S. Kennedy has PTSD, Leon has an anxiety attack, Anxiety Attacks, Swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nightmares, Leon S. Kennedy has Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling, Probably incorrect medical talk, Strangulation in one tiny little scene, Reader's brother was a cop who was KIA, Slow Burn, Slow Build, Grief/Mourning, Christmas Fluff, Mistletoe, Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, Arguing, Love Confessions, Looking for Alaska is mentioned, Inconvenient Love Confessions, Penis In Vagina Sex, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Oral Sex, Cunnilingus, Leon loves eating Pussy change my mind, Shower Makeout, romantic smut, Desperate Leon S. Kennedy, They are both desperate for each other tbh, They say I love you as they come, Scar Kissing, Enthusiastic Consent, Always pee after sex, UTI PREVENTION, POV First Person, No use of Y/N

Words: 5.1K

Masterlist

December 2004

I want you to know that I’m never leaving

Cause I’m Mrs. Snow, til death we’ll be freezing

Yeah you are my home, my home for all seasons

So come on, let’s go

-Snowman, Sia

“I thought you were going home for Christmas?” Leon asks as I step back in through the door to our apartment. Snow clings to my eyelashes from the light flurry outside, flakes landing on my cheeks when I blink, only to melt instantly. My skin is darkened in a blush, most likely due to the cold air and the sight of Leon lounging on our floor in nothing but a pair of red plaid pajama bottoms.

“I am. Pack your shit,” I order, and Leon actually seems surprised.

“Sorry?”

“I am going home. But I’m not leaving you here alone. Come on.”

Stepping inside the family home, the relief washing over Leon is almost tangible, the smell of vanilla and peppermint meddling together in a beautiful Christmas scented concoction. My mom giggles inside the kitchen straight ahead - cheeks pink with her braid’s strands falling loose - my dad’s strong arms wrapped around her, his stubble tickling her jaw, along with his red scratchy sweater rubbing against her bare arms as well. She continues to smile and laugh until her bright blue eyes land on us coming in the door.

“Oh, it’s my baby!” Tugging herself out of my father’s grip, she rushes to us, wrapping my shoulders in a tight hug and her flyaway strands brush against my nose.

“Mom, I’m not a baby anymore,” I giggle, her excitement contagious. She pulls back, hands cupping my cheeks to look at me with a stern smile.

“You will always be my baby.” Her gaze drifts behind me, and she releases me easily, walking toward Leon and pulling him into a hug by the shoulders, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so surprised since I met him. His right arm is holding his duffel bag, his grip tight enough that I’m sure he has white knuckles beneath his black cotton gloves. His left arm comes up, hesitantly resting on her shoulder blade, like he doesn’t quite know how exactly to hug someone. She pulls back, cupping his face the same way she did with mine. “Welcome to the family, Leon.” I watch the exchange hesitantly, unsure of how he’ll react to my mother’s unwavering need to share as much love as possible, but my attention is pulled to my dad as he walks toward me.

“How you doing Squish?” My dad comes up, arms coming around me as I roll my eyes.

“I’m good, Dad. Been really busy lately,” I explain, trying to justify my lack of phone calls. He removes his arms, never having been one for physical affection, but very talented in showing his love in other ways, like remembering something as silly as my dislike of tomatoes or that I hate the color ‘pea green’.

“That’s alright, Squish.” His attention goes to his wife and Leon, who are still chatting quietly, although Mom has decided to give Leon his own space by now. “Leon, right?” He offers Leon his hand, voice calm and relaxed unlike the first time Leon met James. Leon takes his hand confidently. This he knows how to do.

“Yes, sir.” Dad gives it a firm shake before releasing him.

“Please, Matthew is fine. If Squish was willing to bring you, then you’re definitely family by this point,” he pointed out, clapping a hand against Leon’s shoulder quickly, a friendly gesture for him.

“Do you two wanna go get settled?” My mom asks, gesturing to the duffel in Leon’s hand and mine on the floor.

“Yeah, thanks Mom.” I reach down to grab my bag, but am beaten to it when Leon’s hand grips it instead, picking it up before gesturing forward with it with a little swing.

“Your old room, okay, baby?” I nod, leading the way up the stairs, Leon following leisurely following behind me. I don’t realize how embarrassing that will be until I open the door and flick on the lights. The walls are still painted a light shade of pink, and while the walls are barren now, my desk is covered in pictures that mom clearly didn’t quite know what to do with, and I reach over, shoving them into the drawer hastily before closing it with a scrape.

“Hiding something, sweetheart?” He smirks, setting the bags down with a smirk, ocean eyes locked on me.

“Just old pictures that you definitely don’t need to see,” I mumble before eyeing the bed. “I hope it’s okay that I didn’t ask my mom for the air mattress? I still can if it bothers you-” I stutter, fingers twisting together anxiously.

“Sweetheart, I sleep in your bed at least once a week. I think I can handle it.” There’s that cocky attitude again. I roll my eyes before raising my hands in defense.

“I was just offering,” I defend, a giggle breaking at the end as I lift my duffel bag onto the bed. It’s not much smaller than mine at the apartment, but the sheets are a dark pink with a blue flannel comforter resting on top of it and I feel my cheeks tinge the same color as the sheets.

“Seems like you really liked pink, sweetheart.” Leon follows my actions, setting his duffel next to mine before removing his gloves and jacket. He sets them on the desk behind me, and I focus my vision on the snow falling out the window. Thank god she didn’t take out my light blocking curtains. I jump as Leon’s hands land on my shoulders. “Sorry, didn’t realize you were zoned. I was gonna take your coat.” I unzip it and shrug it off with Leon’s help, his fingers grazing against my sweatered arm, but it feels like he’s raking his nails down my bare skin leaving fire scorching the tender flesh.

“Thanks, Leon.” He hums behind me, and I turn to him as he sets my coat down. His expression is unreadable and I immediately feel the need to apologize. “Leon, I’m really sorry about my mom, she can be a bit-”

“No, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all,” he admits, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. “I should have though, given how much you love hugging me,” he teases, burying the rest of the conversation beneath his joking smile. I slap my arm across his arm playfully. I open my mouth to reply when I hear the door open downstairs, followed by Natalie’s joyful cries.

“Looks like Nat and James are here,” I mumble, the teasing energy in the room disappearing beneath the cries of my little sister downstairs.

“Sounds like. We should head down.”

3 glasses of wine in and I am giggling like there’s no tomorrow. My mom is at my side, just as much liquor in her system. My dad looks on in amusement, and my eyes flit over to Leon and find him locked in a conversation with James, his own glass resting on the table with his fingers wrapped around it. I’d like to have his fingers wrapped around me. He has calluses all over his hands. Would they feel rough against my skin, like sand between your fingers at the beach? Or would they feel softer than they look, pressing against my stomach as he buries his face between my-

My mom gasping pulls me out my dirty thoughts, and I look at her quickly, uncaring of the blush on my cheeks. They’ll think it’s the wine.

“I’m going to grab the scrapbook!” She yelps as she gets up from the table in a flurry, not unlike the snow outside, followed by a chorus of ‘Mom no!’ She comes back in, a dorky family photo covering the front. One with Keegan still on the cover. “Okay, so the only one in this room who hasn’t seen this is Leon, so he needs to come sit over here.”

“Um, he absolutely does not!” I shout, covering the chair my mom vacated so he could sit between us. I look up and see his shit eating grin, crystal glass in his hand as he walks over.

“You gonna move, sweetheart?” I shake my head, and by this point, I know my entire face is the color of a tomato. “I can just pick you up?” A glare tossed in his direction. A silent ‘you wouldn’t dare’. Apparently, he would dare. He lifts my upper body like it’s nothing, and I don’t know why I’m surprised. What if he lifted me for something else? His hands gripping my thighs, my back pressed against the wall, his bare and sweaty chest pressed to me as his lips explore mine. He plants himself next to my chair, and I sink into the chair, arousal pooling in my panties and making my whole body thrum on the wooden chair. God, he smells amazing. His arm rests on the back of my chair, heat radiating from him and sending shockwaves down my spine.

The book crackles as it opens, and much to my dismay, there is a tiny version of myself looking back out, face pulled back into an almost too large grin. Talk about pouring an ice cold bucket over my arousal. I couldn’t have been any older than 4. I grimace at the face, suddenly acutely aware of Leon chuckling beside me. He doesn’t need to look like that while laughing at me.

“Oh, this one right here?” My mom points at a picture of Keegan and myself at the community pool. I was barely walking, maybe 2, while Keegan was 8. He had me in his arms, and the wide smile on my lips actually makes me smile this time. My brother was my favorite person in the whole world. “This is the first day we took the kids to the community pool. We took our eyes off of her for 2 minutes. Mistake.” Oh, fuck. No.

“Mom, we really don’t need to tell this story,” I try and reason before Leon reaches forward, grabbing my wine glass and handing it to me. “What is this-”

“You need to drink a bit more cause I definitely need to hear this one.” You fucker. He looks back at my mom expectantly. My mom giggles before continuing.

“Well, Squish had never swam in a pool that wasn’t at home. We took our eyes off of her, and by the time we looked back, she was completely naked!” Maybe if I melt into the floor, this will be easier. Leon can have the apartment and just keep my melted corpse in a jar so that he can claim I still live there. I’m sure he can access my bank account. Leon is laughing like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard, and my mom and Natalie giggle like they always do. I am going to be the star of the embarrassing stories tonight. I should never have brought him. He’ll never let me live this shit down.

“Oh, Mom!” Natalie yelps, reaching forward to the book, flipping pages until she finds the one she is searching for. “You gotta tell him the caterpillar story!”

“I actually already spilled that one,” James admits, taking a small sip from his can of sparkling water. “But the picture of them looking at it before disaster struck makes it funnier.” My mom points to the picture taken from the side of Natalie looking on in wonder at the little white, black, and yellow speckled caterpillar that rested in my small palms. I was 6. Natalie was 4. Her wide eyes stare at the small bug in amazement, as if she had never seen anything more precious. My own gaze is fascinated, if not a little smiley, the tickling of the insect on my fingers.  I have a vivid memory of the tears that spilled from my eyes at realizing it had been squished, and mom threw those purple shorts away, given the hysterics it sent me into every time I saw them for the next month.

“I’ve never seen you look at anything like that,” Leon jokes, and I don’t have the heart to tell him that that’s because everything that I have ever looked at like that has died.

“She cried for weeks, she was so upset about this little bug,” Mom utters, almost confused.

“Sounds like she was never cut out to take lives, just to heal them.” He says the words so matter of factly, as if there’s no doubt in his mind. Only heal them.

“That’s a perfect way to think about her, honestly.” She flips the pages absentmindedly, searching for more memories to embarrass me with, presumably. She flips past teenage angsty years, and stops at the picture of the whole family on my graduation date. Purple robes, holding my diploma like it was my whole life on a plate. Oh, how naive. “This was the day she graduated from nursing school.” I feel tears spring into my eyes. He was supposed to be on the day shift that day, but he had to switch with someone, taking the night shift. So he could be at my graduation. I lean back, arms folded across my chest. “We were so proud of her. Keegan was so proud of her.”

“It is quite the accomplishment.” Leon has the decency to seem impressed, and maybe he actually is, and I feel my heart swell. Keegan was proud of me, and I remember reveling in that. My big brother, who meant everything to me, was proud of me.

“Keegan was always my biggest supporter throughout school, even let me practice nursing techniques on him whenever I had an exam or something,” I say without thinking, eyes glancing at the photo again.

“Squish, that pressure is a bit too tight,” he says, pulling the wrapping a little more loose around his fake injury.

“Sorry, I didn’t-”

“Stop panicking. You got it out now. So you’ll ace it tomorrow, yeah?”

“He seems like he was a great guy,” Leon comments, placing a hand on my shoulder as he notices the tears brimming in my eyes. One slips out as I blink, and as I move to wipe it away, I can’t help but release a sad laugh as I speak.

“He would have loved you.” Then my head is in the crook of Leon’s neck, warmth encasing the sides of my face in an embrace. More tears slip out as I wrap an arm across his stomach, holding his side gently.

“Okay, maybe it’s time for bed, yeah? Amelia, will you put that away hon?” Dad mutters, hands slapping down on his thighs as he stands, taking the final sip of his drink. My mom rolls her eyes, but agrees by closing the book. 

“I’ll bring it out again tomorrow and show you the time she decided to fingerpaint herself and the whole hallway,” she promises with a wink and I gasp.

“Mom, n-”

“I can’t wait,” Leon adds, smile turning the corners of his lips upward.

The family retires fairly quick given it’s going on 11:30pm. I wobble slightly on the first step up the stairs, and, deciding it’s not worth risking, Leon’s arms scoop up under my knees and behind my back, carrying me up the carpeted steps bridal style, and it seems like I weigh nothing to him. Maybe I don’t? Setting me down gently on the bed, he reaches into my duffel and pulls out a comfortable shirt and some sleep shorts before turning away, giving me the privacy to change while he rifles through his own clothing.

“Leon, why were you encouraging my tipsy mother to tell you all of my dirty secrets?” The tease is evident, or at least I thought it was.

“Cause I don’t remember hardly anything like that from my childhood. I guess it’s kinda nice to hear that you did.” I turn toward him at his reveal of this information, and am met with his muscular back. He’s already clad in sweatpants, the same flannel ones he was wearing before we left the apartment, and he holds the tee shirt in his hands, glaring at it as if he was deciding whether it had personally wounded him or not.

“You don’t remember your childhood?” He circles around, seeing my sight already locked on his figure. He chuckles, tossing the shirt in his duffel before climbing into the bed, sliding under the pink sheets, and I giggle at the sight of his wrapped in dark pink jersey fabric. Hesitating, I wrap my arms around myself, thinking I may have asked him something that wasn’t a sharing topic, and he whistles to catch my gaze.

“Turn the lights off and get in here.” Then his arms open up. Flicking the light off quickly before darting across the old room in the mostly darkened area, save for the faint moonlight peeking in, Leon’s warm embrace is always welcome. An arm goes around my shoulder as my nose presses to his sternum with a content sigh. It’s hard to miss the way he chuckles at my quick wiggle to adjust myself into a comfortable position. The arm around my shoulder tightens, moving until his fingers are able to card through my hair softly. When he speaks, it’s into the crown of my head, whispers dancing across the strands and skin there.

“No. I don’t. My parents died when I was really little, and there was a cop that took me in, given the amount of trouble I was getting into, but he couldn’t actually adopt me, so I spent most of my childhood bouncing around foster homes in that area before I hit 18. As soon as I graduated, I went to school to get my associate’s degree in law enforcement, and then thankfully, got accepted into the academy the first time I applied.” I give him a soft squeeze, silently thanking him for sharing more about himself with me. My tipsy brain is in awe of him, and I know without a doubt, that my sober brain is too. God, he’s incredible. He chuckles, the sound rumbling in his chest and my heart flutters at the sensation. “I think you got that backwards, sweetheart.” I look up at him confused and he places a sweet kiss against my forehead, the skin lighting up like the lights on the christmas tree. “You’re the incredible one.” Oh god, I said that out loud.

“Leon?” The words are whispered now.

“Yeah?” Leon easily matches the tone of the room.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For always coming back. When you leave, you always come back. I know you can’t always control it, but… I’m glad.” The admittance turns my cheeks a dark shade, and I am thankful for the darkness of the bedroom.

“I’ll always come back to you.” A reassuring squeeze. A kiss placed against soft hair. In the silence of the room, it almost comes out.

I love you. I am terrified, but I am in love with you, Leon Kennedy.

“Wait, wait. Are those matching PJs?” Leon’s face is confused, staring at the red and white plaid pj pants in my hands.

“They are, but you absolutely do not need to wear them. I just thought it would be fun because my family always wears PJs all day on Christmas Day. You don’t-” I’m rambling at this point, words stuttering together like my tongue has decided to suddenly stop working.

“Give ‘em here.” Did he just reach for them with grabby hands? I hand them over regardless and I stare at them in his hands for a moment before him clearing his throat catches my attention. “Did you wanna watch me change, or did you wanna turn around?” He asks the question with a smirk, teasing while twirling his pointer finger in a circle. I suck in a breath before turning quickly, trying so hard to hold the blush away from my cheeks by pressing my cool hands against them. It’s hard not to let my imagination run wild at the sounds of him shifting around behind me, mind conjuring up plenty of dirty images of turning around to find him wearing, well… nothing. Imagine the smirk he’d fucking wear. The way he’d tease me over the obviously surprised face I’d make. That confident stride as-

Stop. Stop sexualizing your best friend.

“You done back there, Superman?”

“Yeah, you’re good.” I turn on my heel, and for a second, my heart stutters in my chest. He changed his shirt too, so we actually match.

“Ready to celebrate Christmas the right way, Kennedy?” I offer my hand, and he hesitates, looking at it like it could reach forward and bite him. “Hey.” His eyes find mine, nerves still swimming in those baby blues.

“Yeah?”

“Do you trust me?” He nods.

“So when her father and I walked in, there she was covered in red paint! When I asked her what she was doing, she just giggled and yelled ‘I’m a strawberry, mommy!’” The table erupts into laughter, and I can feel the heat on my cheeks, from the embarrassment or the spiked eggnog, I can’t tell. 

“You wanted to be a strawberry?” Leon is practically wheezing by this point, and I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever seen him laugh this hard. I can feel the slightest giggle break through my smile as I explain.

“Listen, I really liked strawberries!” This only serves to make the man beside me laugh even more, his hand resting against his abs as if he was holding them to prevent them from splitting.

“Oh my god, that’s adorable!”

“I’m adorable, I know.” The sarcasm drips from my words like melting snow.

“You are.” His arm is there then, slung over my shoulders, not even the back of the chair this time. Straight warmth of his bare arms seeping through my thin white tee shirt. Ugh, he can’t just say shit like that.

“Um, do you want another drink, Superman?” I ask, stuttering a bit without the intention of doing so. His smile still glows, and I can practically feel myself slipping deeper and deeper in love with him.

“Sure. Thanks, sweetheart,” he thanks, handing me his mug when I gesture to it.

“Yeah.” Once I’m in the kitchen, out of sight, my lungs suck in a gasping breath. Chill out. You are being terrifyingly obvious. A deep chuckle sounds from the entry and I turn to the sounds quickly.

“You doing okay in here, Squish?” My dad asks, a teasing lithe in his voice as he pours warm eggnog into his mug before reaching toward me, gesturing for mine and Leon’s, which I hand over easily, noting the shaking of my hands.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Dad,” I remark, palms rubbing over my arm in some unsuccessful attempt at self-soothing.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” There’s more he wants to say.

“What Dad? You obviously have something else to say.” The sound comes out much more exasperated than I originally intended. He hands the mugs back to me, the sudden warmth oozing through my veins like some sweet kind of drug. A Christmas drug. Gingerbread flavored ecstasy? The thought makes me laugh at myself.

“I know what you told Mom. I know what you told Nat. Hell, I can tell what you tell Leon. What I wanna know is what you tell yourself.”

“About what?”

“How you feel about him.” Even Dad has noticed.

“Dad, he’s my best-”

“Your best friend. I know.”

“Then what else is there to it?” He wants me to say it. He wants me to acknowledge the feelings he knows are there.

“Listen, sweetheart. I can’t make you admit things. I just want you to know that any man who has the honor of having you love him? Well they’re one lucky s-o-b.” The tears well up in my eyes and the look my dad wears, it says more than any words I could muster up. I set the mugs down on the counter and wrap my arms around his middle, his palms running through the strands of my hair as my tears fall freely, catching on the scratchy red fabric of his customary Christmas sweater. “I know you’re scared, but it’s okay. It’s okay to love someone, sweetheart.”

The sounds of quick feet and fast thumping up the stairs draws our attention, and I wipe my cheeks before grabbing the still-warm mugs. Stepping back out into the main dining room and I’m met with something I thought I’d never see.

Molly’s tiny body is tucked into Leon’s forearm, the muscle tensing in anxiety as he cradles this small human. Her head is tilted toward his chest and her eyes are wide open. She inherited her mother’s bright green eyes. Holy shit he’s holding a baby. I think my ovaries are exploding. His face is passive, and if you didn’t know better, you wouldn’t think he was phased. Too bad I know better.

“You okay there, Superman?” I tease, setting the mugs down before plopping myself down into the chair next to him.

“Please take her,” he whispers, as if raising his voice any louder will break Molly’s carefully maintained peace. She tilts her head slightly before her lip drops into a small frown. “She’s gonna scream please, I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ve never held a baby before?” I ask, setting my hand on his arm. He’s as warm as normal, and I feel the hair on his skin stand on edge as my fingers graze against it. He shakes his head with fervor, fear lighting up the blues of his iris’.

“Sweetheart, seriously. She’s about to cry.” I shake my head with a giggle as I stand to help the big strong government agent. Instead of taking her though, I shift her in his arms so she is settled comfortably in the crook of his elbow, her head cradled while her body is supported by his arm as the frown fades from her tiny features. His other arm sits on his thigh, twitching in anxiety.

“You weren’t holding her right, that’s why she was so upset. Here, take your other arm like this,” I say, tenderly grabbing his hand and placing it against her belly, where she reaches for his hand. Molly’s little fingers wrap around his, one hand gripping his pointer finger while the other holds his pinky, and he releases an almost inaudible gasp as he notices this. “You okay?” I ask before I glance up at his face. Leon’s got tears in his eyes, and for a second, I worry that I overstepped. He asked me to take her. Why didn’t I just listen when-

“She’s so… tiny…” There is wonder in his tone, voice whispy and awe-struck. “How does something so precious and small turn into…”

“A person?” He nods in response. “Through a lot of love and TLC,” I say with a chuckle.

“Well that explains a lot about me,” he mumbles. His parents. I give his arm a quick squeeze before resting my cheek on his shoulder; I can feel the muscles tense before relaxing beneath my jaw.

“I think you turned out to be a great person, Superman.”

“Thanks.” It’s whispered, and I wouldn’t have heard him if I wasn’t sitting so close. The silence is comfortable as Molly’s eyes begin to drift closed, grip still tight on Leon’s much larger fingers.

“So, ever want any?” I question, a teasing smile on my lips even though Leon definitely can’t see it.

“What, kids?” I nod against his shoulder muscle. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’ll ever be in the cards.”

“Why?” Pulling back to look at him, confused.

“Have you seen what I do?” He lightly shakes with laughter. “I’m not exactly father material.”

“I think you’d be a great dad.” The words come out unconsciously. For a beat, not a sound passes between us besides our breaths and Molly’s hushed cooing as she slips into a presumably warm slumber. Leon shifts slowly so as to not stir Molly, and when I turn to look to see what has captured his attention, our noses brush. Completely sober. Wide awake. He just looks at me. If I blink, I’ll miss the look in his eyes. The fleeting longing. The quick glance at my lips. Without thinking, my tongue darts out to wet them.

“Just…” he whispers as the distance between us shrinks, and it takes a pause for me to realize we’re both leaning in. His breath brushes against my lips, a slight chill skimming them from the moisture left from when I wet them. Lids sliding shut, heavy from the weight of anticipation. For a fleeting moment, they brush.

“Leon, thank you so much for taking Molly-” Natalie rushes into the room and we fly apart as if lightning has struck both of us, straight through our spines. “Oh, am I interrupting something?” Quickly mumbled ‘no’s follow before Leon passes Molly back over to her mother before she falls into too deep of a sleep. Bright red cheeks, huffed out breaths. When I finally manage to meet his eyes, the contact doesn’t last. We almost… Was he going to…

Hours pass, a Christmas movie playing in the background as I catch the agent’s attention, gesturing to the dining room with a jerk of my head, and without a word, he follows.

“What’s up, sweetheart?” He plants himself in a chair, and I follow suit, perching in the chair next to him.

“I know we said no gifts, but…” The small rectangle is wrapped in red paper that is decorated with pictures of Frosty the Snowman, and I press it into his hands without further question.

“Sweetheart-”

“Just… Just open it.” He sighs before digging his fingers into the flimsy paper, revealing the gift inside. “It’s not much, but you made a comment about not having anything personal on your desk at work, so…” The frame is made of simple black wood, but the picture inside is what matters. It was over the summer. He was home for a few weeks, and Claire insisted on us all going to the beach. We were all at least 3 shots of tequila deep when this picture was taken. A silly piggy back ride that I attempted to squirm free from after I realized his intent was absolutely to drop me in the chilly ocean water. My hair is in a swirl around my head, strands of it even sticking to Leon’s sweaty skin. Bright grins from both of us, and for a moment, it’s easy to forget that he has seen hell and back. My eyes are squeezed shut as I wheeze from laughter, and his are locked on my face beside him. My swimsuit is barely visible, mostly covered by my hair and Leon’s bare chest. We look happy. He looks happy.

“This is…”

“I know, it’s not great but I just-”

“It’s perfect.” He looks up at me as he leans forward, arm winding around my shoulders to tug me into an overheated hug that causes me to start sweating immediately. “Thank you.” The air feels brisk once he lets go, the sudden warmth vanishing as quickly as it appeared. Rising from my chair, I offer him a hand.

“Wanna go finish that movie, Superman?”

“Not so fast!” Natalie yelps as she rushes in from the living room, and Leon and I both freeze in place, both of us standing by this point, looking at her with confused glances. She points up with her finger and my eyes follow the gesture.

They put mistletoe in the fucking dining room? I can practically feel the blush crawling across my cheeks painfully slow, and I drop my eyes to the floor as my arms wrap around each other. Light footsteps rush out of the room, and I realize Natalie has bolted out of the room. BITCH.

“We don’t have to actually-” his hand slides under my chin, tilting my head up and before I can even process it, his lips press to mine. It’s short-lived, but it’s impossible to miss the subtle taste of eggnog and rum. The warmth. Spearmint. His lips are chapped, although that hardly matters at the moment, heart fluttering against my chest as he pulls back, just enough for our noses to brush again. I am never going to be able to forget this.

“Thank you.” Neither of us have opened our eyes, almost afraid to break these precious seconds.

“For what?” I whisper back.

“For everything.”

Leon: @house-of-kolchek @bonnibuckets @athanasia-day @muffimtv Everything: @chaosandbubbles @kassiekolchek22 @akiramoon8088

[rist-ix]

What do you think about the fact that the "light" put Valtor in a torture prison for almost two decades and how it could have affected him ? Love you meta btw

Thank you!! About the company of light sending Valtor to Omega…

welp. he had it coming

The exact circumstances of his imprisonment are, as usual, a victim to timeline wonkiness, so we can’t say for certain who it was that locked him up — whether it was Oritel and Marion before the Witches arrived to wipe Domino clean, or the Faragonda-Griffin-Saladin-Trio. But it is likely that Domino was destroyed before he was sentenced to eternity in ice, if not before he was even captured in the first place.

Going from that, Faragonda and Co. have just learned that their friends, their kingdom and their two young daughters (one of them a literal infant) were murdered as a final act of desperation/cruelty in the war. And they have the man who was complicit, if not actively executing said act, in their hands. If we assume that Valtor‘s fate was solely up to them, no Council and Light Rock involved, I totally get why they yeeted him to Ice Hell without hesitation. Any of his previous crimes would probably be enough to warrant that too already. I am frankly surprised that they didn’t straight up murder him on the spot, but that’s were my favorite headcanon that he’s pretty much unkillable (‘cause dragon fire) plays in quite nicely.

I love Valtor, he’s my pathetic lil meow meow, but he is also unrepentantly evil in canon. He’s living for the atrocities. He's doing it for power, but also DEFINITELY for funsies. There is the implication that his mothers can control his physical form, but even then, he never regrets anything he's done and would 100% do it again if given the chance. That is a) very sexy of him and b) a very good reason to put him in the freezer and never talk about him again. I'm with Faragonda on this one folks

That second question tho, how his imprisonment could affect him, offers a whole lot more options:

To be fair, I don’t think it was ever explicitly confirmed that Omega prisoners are awake and aware while frozen, I just like to do that in fics for the angst. But thats still 20 years he's just straight up missing, a lot of changes and developments that happened without him noticing. If he was frozen before Domino fell, thats one big newsflash for sure; if he knew beforehand, he's still terribly out of touch with how the dimension settled around that loss. I also like to think he does not understand half the lingo the trix throw at him. He fakes it till he makes it, but he is SO confused.

Going back to canon, there actually is one pretty big indicator that his imprisonment really fucked him up emotionally tho. And its in everyone's favorite episode too: the one with the ruins on Andros, where Valtor officially introduces himself to the Winx.

If we skip past his private conversation with Bloom (which would be a crime), and to the part where the Winx re-enter the fray to blast him with their colorful beams, we can see one INCREDIBLY quick shift in his behavior, to the point its almost jarring, and it's when Layla / Aisha steps up.

Up to this point, and really, in 95% of his battles, Valtor never loses his charming tone of voice and his calm demeanor. It's how he's mocking his enemies and asserting his superiority: he is so confident in his power that he doesnt even bother raising his voice, he just swats away spells and keeps up the chit-chat. That little shit. He's iconic that way.

Un-fucking-bothered.

But it also means that when he does lose his cool, its very noteworthy and makes it obvious he feels genuinely threatened or unbalanced. When Layla lands in front of him and announces herself as Princess of Andros, his face visibly falls. His smirk is wiped clean off, and he goes straight into the offensive, for the very first time that day.

No banter, no pulling his punches, he goes in for the metaphorical kill and leaves immediately after, with Layla permanently (for now) blinded in one shot. It's the only time i can remember that he specifically targeted her, and its with pure, unregulated rage and ruthlessness. Similarly, while he is doing his one-man world tour of planetary crisises, every planet suffers but Andros specifically is nearly wiped off of the star maps entirely.

While there is a point to be made about how the writers always seem to have it out for Layla, the watsonian reason for this that jumps to my mind is that Andros, for the past 18-20 years, has been his jailor. I'm pretty sure i remember lines from the german dub about how Andros and everyone on it is worthless and deserves the same fate, but even without that, its pretty obvious that Valtor is pissed at them specifically. By doing their galactic duty (or political responsibility) and guarding the Omega Gate, Andros has ensured Valtor stays nice and frosty for almost two decades. While his outward reaction - anger and violence - demonstrates his desire for revenge, his sheer lack of restraint and impulse control hints more at fear in my opinion. In the latter half of s3 we only ever see him freak out like this when he is actively losing the war. He is the animal that bites when cornered.

We cant be sure he was aware in his cell, but if just the mention of Andros can set him off like this, we can assume he really doesn't like to think about it, and might even have some form of PTSD sticking with him. And since his only reaction to fear at this point seems to be maiming and murdering, this will likely contribute to his evil-and-lovin-it problem.

Excellent ask anon!!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML au: Lady of Second Chances (Season 3 opener)

(Season 1) (Season 2 + Divergence)

-The New Season begins with Hawkmoth unmasked and captured. Ladybug's plan worked and Viperion was able to capture the weakened Hawkmoth the moment he detransformed.

-Nooroo was safe. But the six teens now had to question what to do.

-Ladybug looks to Viperion to make sure that he is really Hawkmoth.

-"I have the butterfly here". He hands her the miraculous and nooroo pops out. Chat noir was silent as he looked at Gabriel, who was konked out.

-"So he really was Gabriel agreste." Ladybug spoke. Her mind flashing to all of her assumptions, all of the moments he was suspicious. That jerk played and manipulated them. Thats how Felix was able to hand over all the miraculous. All the thoughts clicked.

-She used her yo-yo to tie him up.

-She hands Viperion a macaroon. "Go feed you kwami and come back. I want to make sure we are playing this cautious."

-Viperion nods and heads off.

-Carapace is the first of the heroes to speak.

-"What am I gonna tell Adrien, I know his pops was a jerk but... I didnt think he was evil." Carapace let out.

-Chat noir's eyes went wide at the statement.

-"Assuming he wasnt the one helping him" Rena Rouge commented.

-Carapace, Queen bee and Ladybug shut that down.

-"Adrien would never do that!" Simultaneously said by the three.

-Chat noir punched the sewer wall hard.

-That got the attention of the group.

-"Why would he do this? He has a son, and he just decides to try and be a villain? For some stupid wish?! He is rich? He can have everything! The only thing he doesnt have is..."

-Chat noir realized why Gabriel was hawkmoth. His mother.

-Gabriel woke up. Tied up he tried struggling.

-"Dont bother, we caught you Hawkmoth." Ladybug stated.

-"You have no idea what youve done!" Gabriel stouted with hatred in his eyes. "You ruined everything. If you had just let me have your miraculous I..."

-"You wanted the wish to bring back your wife." Chat noir stated.

-The room was shocked by the sudden comment.

-Gabriel could feel a chill go down his spine. The stare of chat noir piercing him.

-Viperion returned as the tension grew.

-Gabriel thinking that nathalie will notice something was wrong. She might be foolish enough to try and send another sentimonster. He hated to admit it, but that might be his only escape. He needed time though. he needed to stall.

-"Yes. thats the only thing I ever wanted. I tried for years to get the miraculous... undo my wifes illness, but the miraculous were nigh impossible to find. So with the one I did find. I decided to take a more... drastic approach."

-The rest of the group started to feel sympathy... except for one. Ladybug. Ladybug was furious. She remembered the time with Bunnyx. She remembered how obsessed he was at getting the miraculous. He could have used it to time travel and save his wife but didnt.

-"Youre lying." Ladybug spat in hushed tones.

-Chat noir and the crew looked at her.

-"I know thats a lie. You get a chance to go back in time. You could have saved your wife, but you didnt! Youre lying! I know your lying! You want power!"

-Gabriel was shocked by that? Time travel? Why would time travel even matter? How dare she accuse him of such a thing. He loved Emilie! And he nearly gave up to protect Adrien, the last piece of her he had.

-"What ever are you blathering about, time travel doesnt matter? The miraculous of the peacock is still broken. That wouldnt stop my wife from using it. we were desperate."

-"Why would she use a broken miraculous? Why were you desperate."

-"She wanted a son!"

-Ladybug stopped cold. The others were confused. They didnt really know what Gabriel meant by that statement. But she did.

-Gabriel noticed.

-"You know what the peacock can do. You know what it means."

-Ladybug dropped to her knees. She knew what it meant. Oh she knew better than anyone else what that meant.

-"My lady, what does it mean?" Chat noir asked.

-"You cant mean it, youre lying. That cant be true." Ladybug focused on Gabriel.

-"I havent lied since ive been down here. I dont know why you know so much, or about time travel. Maybe thats how you figured out how to stop me. But know this Ladybug. I will do anything for my family.

-A sudden burst from above. A woman clad in blue with blue skin and a Peacock motif appeared. On top was a Massive dog like creature. Easily the size of Feast, but leaner, sharper and more beast like.

-Gabriel was a mix of relief and despair over seeing Nathalie.

-"Get them." Mayura ordered.

-"So thats the peacock." Carapace commented

-Ladybug was still in shock over the revelation she had. Gabriel managed to get untangled.

-The dog knocked Viperion into the water. Rena Rouge and Carapace jumped to try and fight Mayura. Chat noir trying to snap Ladybug out of it.

-Gabriel rushing to get away.

-Mayura was still fresh and was bullying the teens.

-Ladybug did snap out of it, seeing chat noir worried about her. She realize now is not the time for a crisis. She thanks chat noir and makes a plan. She tells Viperion to go after gabriel. He gets out of the water and does so. She tells Queen bee to stun the dog. Rena Rouge and Carapace give her an opening to do so.

-"Go help Viperion capture Hawkmoth. Ill handle Mayura."

-Chat noir sees the look in her Eye. and nods. He cant let his father get away (not that she knows that)

-Mayura looks at her.

-"You really think you can handle me alone?"

-"You would be amazed at what I can do."

_____________________________________________________________

-Viperion and Chat noir split up to try and find Gabriel. and as luck would have it. Chat noir found him.

-Gabriel found himself at a dead end (a deep drop he isnt surviving without super powers)

-"Dead end."

-Chat noir points his staff at him.

-"So all of this was to save your wife." Chat noir stares him down

-"Yes. I need her, my son needs her."

-"Your son? Do you really know what he needs? have you even spent time with him after she past? All you did was keep him locked away."

-"You know nothing about my son."

-"No, YOU know nothing about your son."

Vote now and share.

[tenderhungering]

okay now serious jack hc time bc i feel like im going CRAZY thinking about this (and have a fic set during/slight after this event); theres a mention in the info dump at the beginning that jack took a month long break from the show and fled ny…WHERE DID HE GO THO

these two asks are the same thing so i’ll be combining them !

i don’t want to do armchair psychology because i am not well versed at all in psychology unless its a collective behavior situation (i’m a sociology major) but i would like to make note of the fact that there are times, where after someone’s death, some people might throw themselves into religion. i’m not saying jack did this specifically, or he’s displaying behavior of someone who is experiencing religious psychosis (as in, it might be perceived by others as this if he tried to explain what was going on in his head after minnie’s death, not that he’s actually experiencing it) but i don’t think it’s uncommon for someone’s grief to turn to something they believe to be more powerful than they are.

jack had just lost his wife (whether this be through his own hands and he is now carrying this guilt or he legitimately thinks she passed away from her illness and it isn’t till the in events of the film that that part of his brain is no longer repressed and he’s met with that information does not matter shh, we can deal with that some other day) and he wants so desperately to find solace in something. i don’t think jack is religious (did he ever mention his faith in the film? imagine he was raised catholic or something and this is all another layer or catholic guilt, hah.) so he goes to what people worship; power & money.

i always imagined he spent a few days in he and minnie’s shared space, he’d leave her chair she would sit in the living room empty, couldn’t bear listen to any music, especially anything that contained piano, theatre seemed ridiculously now — no one could really nail it like she did, and now he kind of regretted having so many pictures of her in his bedroom. he just needed out of there, and right into what he has turned into his religion. i don’t think it really matters if he went to the grove or the cult (though i think he went in that order? first the grove, he felt like it wasn’t enough. he needs something bigger. something the size of his want. his desperation has turned biblical.) he was going to lose his soul to either one eventually, he was going to kneel before those he thought more powerful than he and beg for him to become something because after minnie, he really doesn’t have anything to lose (other than himself).

i’d imagine it was sort of a journey of self discovery? well, more like loss of his own. i think he very well just lost sight of himself during that month — enough to go from something like the grove (who tbh i’ve always seen as just some sort of elite club that’s terrifying just because of how much they worship one another and power, i don’t think they have any actual ties with the occult. it’s like a bunch of grown men playing pretend, baha) to abraxas. some of the most powerful people he knows worship abraxas. it wouldn’t be surprising to hear jack also likes thinking my suffering has made me special. i’ve had to give up more than anyone. i’ve been punished more than anyone. whatever is giving me this hurt feels stronger for me than it feels for you. my reward will be bigger. i’m the favorite sacrificial lamb.

also i did wrap up my semester which is why i have been able to be so active lately. sorry to everyone who has had to scroll past my account’s incoherent thoughts under this tag so much. i get the same adrenaline that mothers gain in order to lift a car whenever it comes to chatting film ! so thank you everyone for questions, you guys are genuinely so sweet to enable my behavior, actually! however, it doesn’t always have to be questions, it can be your own thoughts / headcannons / suggestions / dropping by to say hi ! whatever !

[gaoau]

Bristle — Please, Work on Receiving

A Mother's Instinct warnings — none. word count — 916

prev. — next.

When first accepting to become Nekoma's Volleyball Club's manager, [Name] had little to no clue what she was agreeing to. Lovely Kai in her class had overheard her chatting with her friends during their first year, saying how she didn't have any interest in any clubs. He later mentioned this information to his fellow teammates and they went feral. Next thing [Name] knew, two other first-years she'd never seen before were dragging her to the gymnasium to meet extremely tall upperclassmen.

How could high-schoolers get so fucking huge? She had no idea, and she wasn't too sure she wanted to find out either way. Her accepting the role of manager was solely out of utter fear those kids would stomp on her and toss her out like trash. In the end, she became Nekoma's one and only manager.

Two problems arose after welcoming [Name] to the team. One, she knew absolutely nothing at all about volleyball—or any other sport, for that matter. The boys moved way too fast for her to try and understand what was going on, and before she could blink, one set was already gone and everyone was cheering Nice kill! The confusion in [Name]'s face as to why they suddenly switched to English was hilarious. Overtime, though, she managed to memorize the rules, positions, and plays, and did a great job at managing by the end of the school year.

The second problem, however, remained even after three years of intently watching practice matches and attending one-week Summer training camps. [Name] never had a good relationship with the concept of time or keeping a schedule. Practice could have been going for an hour already, and their precious manager was nowhere to be seen. She called it fashionably late the first couple times, but after a while it became simply late and she had learned to accept it.

So [Name] was late to afternoon practice yet again. Yaku glanced towards the gym doors every now and again, hoping to see his best friend step inside with that apologetic smile of hers. It was fine; [Name] and time didn't get along one bit and Yaku knew that. He made sure to keep his eyes only on Lev as he tried to drill the art of receiving into his thick skull.

Another aggravated sigh fell from his lips, watching how Fukunaga's spike bumped Lev's forearms clumsily and shot to the side. Yaku was ready to commit a crime. Pinching the bridge of his nose, brows furrowed, he started barking at his underclassman once again, "Up, Lev, you have to get it up!"

"I'm trying, Yaku-san! I really am! But it just bumps right off!"

"Because you're doing it wrong! Oh, my God!"

Kenma watched his teammates bicker—more like Lev cower under Yaku's berating—and winced at their loud volume. He also glanced desperately at the gym doors, hoping and praying [Name] would show up and kindly ask Yaku to calm down. As Lev struggled to understand how to position his body correctly, Yaku asked for another spike. Yamamoto cracked his knuckles and waited for Kenma's toss to float in the air.

While scrutinizing Lev's terrible stance, the hairs on the back of his neck bristled. His eyes enlarged in sheer panic. Yaku whipped his head towards the opening gym doors and needn't see who was behind them to cry out, "[Name], watch out!"

"Sorry I'm late, guys, the teacher deci—" The gym fell quiet in an instant upon hearing the slap of a volleyball against skin. [Name] stumbled back, her palms shooting up to hold her burning face. Her knees hit the floor as her body shook—whether it was her attempt at holding in her laughter or her sobs, nobody could tell.

Yaku blinked repeatedly, brows arched in shock. Then he inhaled enough air to scream his lungs out. "Lev, you were supposed to receive that! What are you doing?!"

"I'm sorry! You startled me yelling like that all of a sudden, Yaku-san!"

But Lev's apology fell on deaf ears, since Yaku was already half-way across the gym to reach [Name] kneeling on the stairs. Yamamoto followed suit in the blink of an eye, brimming with threatening tears. He dropped to the floor in front of his manager and touched his forehead against the linoleum—something about defiling her beauty or whatever. Lev joined in not a second later.

It was an obnoxious chorus of I'm so sorry, [Name]-san. Please, forgive me! while Yaku tugged on [Name]'s wrists to uncover her face.

[Name] sniffed as she swatted her hair away from her eyes and lifted her head. "It's fine, I'm fine." Her voice shook and Yaku still couldn't tell if it was laughter as a coping mechanism or she really was ready to cry. Although judging by the lack of stirring in his stomach, she was laughing her ass off. "Karma for being late, don't worry. But I suggest you work on receiving, Lev. Please."

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Oh, fuck, [Name], you're bleeding." Yaku rushed to pinch her nose, forcing her to keep her head down. Yamamoto cried out in agony, his tears finally pouring. Kuroo's hyena-like cackles echoed in the background.