#i am proud of this one

[joifee]

Decked Out Hey @hybbart uhm i reeeeally like your decked out jimmy design i just had to draw it! additional tango as well of course hope you like :D

[jimmysea]

That's it, the last image I want to see.

Jimmy Jitaraphol as MORK & Sea Tawinan as DAY

LAST TWILIGHT SERIES (2023) dir. Aof Noppharnach

[♡♡♡♡♡]

[scarr33d]

beep boop!

[ic3-que3n]

Inktober day 6. Golden

[malfunctionart]

Troy and Abed and Annie on your timeeeline!

[not-so-allegiant-general]

Gingerpilot time!

Hux's mind felt like scrambled protein bar. He remembered his schedule, his name, rank, his duties and loyalties. His ship. And his people. And it was all crystal clear. But... Something was off. Because he knew there were things that he did't remember. Blank spots scattered all over last months. And he knew that because noone ever looked at him like this Resistance pilot. Noone ever said his name with this amount of compassion, care and... Love? But they barely knew each other.

"You've been reconditioned" echoed in his head. No. Not possible. And yet... There was this man. Kneeling before him. Holding his hands. Talking nonsenses about how everything is going to be okey. About finding solution. There was this man calling him Armitage in the warmest way he had ever heard.

"You've been reconditioned"

No. Not possible.

It was middle of the night when Hux finally had a courage to picked up data pad. He was reading his chat with Dameron. Smoking cigarettes and drinking tarine. Recognizing his words but not remembering that he wrote them. He pressed hand to the forehead and took a deep breath. It was authentic without a doubt. And he was terrified.

You've been recondition.

It's not possible. They would never do that to an officer. To him.

He clenched his fingers on datapad and closed his eyes. It was not possible. No. He glanced again on the datapad and turn it off. He laid down on the bed looking at the celling and took comm from a night stand.

"Dameron?" Poe stood up quickly from his bed.

"Arm...Hux? I can go to you if you...."

"No. I want to talk like that." He wouldn't stand seeing pilot's face now. Not after what he just had read. Messages. Lots of messages. His own messages. From professional distance to snarky remarks to something more. Something personal, something warm, something foreign. Poe sighed.

"Alright. Did you... Went through our messages?"

"Half of it. Enough to know that they are authentic. Enough to know that you didn't tell me whole truth." Pilot sat down slowly.

"Yeah. I... I guess i did not. Listen I...I was scared and..."

"What was between us?" Poe took a deep breath and covered his face with hands.

"Something." He mumbled.

"Kriff that. Just tell me! I have enough of unknowns in my mind."

"Alright alright.... We... first you sent us the file. Through this other informant... And he was killed, so we met personally to avoid tracking because you know how they...

"You are babbling Dameron..."

"No no. I have a point. It was in... Some kind of hotel. Motel whatever and we... We talked and we... We kissed and... We got a room and ..."

" Enough." Poe fell silent hugging his legs to the chest. Hux was silent for a long time. "Once?"

"No." He whispered. " No. We had met at least five and every time... And through messages."

"I... I will read rest of them." Hux ended the connection throwing comm on the bed and covering his face. Poe took a deep breath trying to stop tears.

"It's... Fine buddy. I am fine" he looked at BB8. " no... I am not going to sleep. I will wait. I will wait." He whispered and took a deep breath "he needs time. And i can give him time..all time he needs." He laid down. Hux commed three ours later. Poe took a deep breath. "Hey... Hey Armiatge" he whispered. His voice was shaking. Silence "Please say something. Anything."

" I don't remember any of this Dameron."

It was painful. The worst type of pain he ever felt.

"And there is no chance i will get back this memories." Poe covered his mouth. He knew that of course. Since he was told about reconditioning. He knew that there is no hope for that. But it was still hard. "I... Don't even know if i am the same person you fell in love with."

Poe prepared himself for the next hit. You can take it. You will be fine. You have friends, and father. Maybe you will visit him and...

Hux took a deep breath. His mind desperately trying to work. Being in a rebel camp as a FO General was far from perfect. Although they did not show any signes of violence or bad intentions towards him. And Dameron. Clearly despread. Clearly shaken. In love... With him?

And then there were things that Hux didn't want to acknowledge. The fear. The loneliness. It was crushing him. That uneasy feeling of not knowing witch thoughts are his or is any of them truly belongs to him. Memories or lies. Decisions or orders. And overwhelming hopelessness.

"Armitage?" Poe whispered.

"I...I think i would like you to come here.?" Please. I am scared. Its cold. Its dark. Please. I don't want to be alone. "That is if you are willing to... I will understand if... "

"No! I mean... I mean Yes! I want to! I ... Kriff... Five minutes." He disconnected before Hux could say something. He dressed up quickly and run as fast as if his x-wing was in flames. He rushed to the cells waking up the guards and started typing code to the barrier.

"G..general Dameron?"

"What's the code?"

"I... I don't think i should."

"What's that pffasking code!?"

Guard quickly unlocked the barrier. Poe went inside and sat down next to Hux on the bed. His eyes were red, his skin pale. He took a drag form cigarette, his hand was shaking. And Poe was speechless.

"I... " Love you. Adore you. Can't live without you. Want to kiss you. Want to hold you. "Armitage" he whispered instead.

"I never liked that name you know. People always said it like an insult. But... Well it doesn't sound too bad when you say it"

"Can I... Can i hug you?" Hux tilted his head back slightly.

"Already want to get your hands all over me? Take me to dinner first I am not that easy." He forced a little smile. Poe snorted softly.

"I will be appropriate i promise." Hux nodded slowly and Dameron pulled him closer and hugged him. Hux's lips trembled and he swallowed tears. It felt familiar and in the same time so new. And distant. He leaned into his touch. "Kriff you are so thin."

"Thinner than you remember?"

"Yeah" Poe swallowed "Yes. Pffasking hell i want to kill everybody who did this to you."

"They are most probably dead." He took another drag from a cigarette and put it out.

"Do you need something?" Poe asked silently " i will get you out of this cell as soon as possible. But we are a little overcrowded right now... "

"I don't mind. I would appreciate walk though. I can't remember the last time i was on a fresh air." He smiled bitterly. He didn't remember lots of things.

"No problem. I... Would you like to go on a date with me?" Hux snorted.

"Date?"

"Yeah. Like you know, a walk, dinner maybe. Maybe i can show off a little." he winked" My x-wing or... Whatever. And we will talk and... "

"That's what you want to do with me. Show me your x-wing?" Hux grinned.

"I... Oh my ... Stop that now. I am proposing a sweet innocent date."

"Please Dameron. I may be not in my best and have holes in memory but i am smart... You don't want to go for a walk or eat a dinner or... "

"I do." Poe smiled "I do. I... Alright we were quite involved, and we were writing a lot about that. But it was a war. And... I never knew if i will see you again. And we actually had one very sweet date with walk and dinner. And lots of talking. Armitage...i know what you think. Yes? I know you and your wicked cogs in your mind. It's not an exchange, you are safe here, it's not about protection. No way. I. Love. You. Even if you don't remember it i do. And i want to do it all again. And... I know that you are not the same person and if you will decide to leave i will respect that. So Yes. I want to take you to a sweet date if you would like to. I want to get to know you, introduce you to my father. I want to call you my boyfriend, marry you one day and die knowing that i did everything to make you safe and happy."

"I am... confused." Hux whispered fixing his eyes on the ground. And he was. Confused and tired.

"I know. I know. I... Can i touch your hair?" Hux snorted and laughed trying not to cry.

"Why... Why do you even ask?" He shook his head. Because i don't want to make any mistakes. Because i don't want you to be scared. Nor mad. Because i kissed you once without permission and you got scared. It was wrong. I should have ask.

"Because i care."

Hux snorted.

"You can't." Poe nodded shortly still holding him. "You... Are not going to?"

"You said no"

"I suppose i did. " Huxe smiled amused looking at him. "Dameron..."

"Yes?"

"I would want that. Date that is. The rest of it... Ah i am not the best in whole meeting fathers and marrying procedure... "

Poe smiled.

"Yeah. Let's start with a date." Hux nodded and closed his eyes. "Hey... You should rest. You look bad. Sleep?" Hux nodded again. " Lay down."

"Will you... Stay?"

"If you want me to i will."

"I..."

"It's alright. If you want to stay alone. Just. Have a comm close if you will need anything. And i mean... Anything...a... A tea, a hug, a..."

"A Star Destoryer?" he frowned glancing at him.

"Well....Maybe not that. Nothing deadly alright?" Redhead snorted.

" I want... You can... Stay with me. I would want that. I think." There was something reassuring about pilot's presence that held him together. He had that unpleasant feeling that he will fell apart if pilot disapear. And he was not ready for that. So he just pulled out another useless smile.

"Sure" Poe said looking at him as if he could truly see him. Hux sighed. Did he knew him that well? " Do you want a bedtime story?" Hux blinked surprised" I am serious. I know the best ones" Armitage snorted and shook his head.

"Go on. Entertain me." Poe told him his favourite. The one that he always told him through the comm when they could talk and Hux couldn't sleep.

And Hux couldn't escape the feeling that he lost something. Irrevocably. Irreversibly. And forever.

But when he felt Poe holding him closely he thought that maybe he gained more than he lost.

[loserstripes]

i am not normal about this game

[haveihitanerve]

They were, 90, and were living out their days

on the west side of the city next to where they got engaged

They had pictures on the walls of all the memories that they'd made

And though life was never easy, they were thankful that they stayed

With each other, and though some times were hard

Even when he made him angry

he would never break his heart

No, they didn't have the money to afford a fancy car

But they never had to travel 'cause they'd never be apart

Even at the end, Their love was stronger than

The day that they first met, They'd say

The world's not perfect, 

but its not that bad

If we got each other, and that's all we have

I will be your lover, and I'll hold your hand

You should know I'll be there for you

If we have each other, then we'll both be fine

I will be your brother, and I'll hold your hand

You should know I'll be there for you

[moonskandi]

new aro cuff :D

(insp under cut)

x from pinterest

[nocasdatsgay]

From the Ashes, the Wildflowers Grow

Chapter 2: Heir and High Lord

This can be read as a standalone

Word Count: 2938

CW: Blood mentions, Emotional Distress

Chapter Summary: Beron was dead. Beron was dead, and Eris… Eris was not High Lord.

Also read it on ao3 Here

Master Post and Full Fic Summary Here.

Part 2 Here

**Typos are corrected**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Eris felt like all the air around him had left with the way he was gasping but not getting enough to properly breathe.

Beron was dead.

Beron was dead and Eris… Eris wasn’t high lord.

He waited for the power to come to him, so sure it would rush into him the second Beron drew his last breath.

But it didn’t.

It chose Piran. The second oldest, who stood beside him and looked just as shocked as Eris. The room was silent. Even after the surge of power in Piran, neither of them moved. It felt like decades passed when Eris felt hands on him, guiding him out the blood spattered room and down a hall. He turned to see his mother pulling him along. She didn’t look at him. When they entered a study and shut the door, Eris nearly collapsed.

“I don’t understand,” he started but couldn’t finish.

He wanted to cry. He wanted to rage. He was the eldest; he spent his whole life enduring Beron in hopes of killing the bastard and taking his place. To make Autumn better. He felt warm hands cup his face and he gazed back into his mother’s eyes.

She stroked his cheek with her thumb. “Breathe my love,” she said.

“I can’t,” he all but choked on his grief. “It chose Piran. Piran. How- it was supposed to be me!”

A spark of rage came through and his fists caught fire. He quickly shook them out.

“Eris,” she didn’t let him go. “Why don’t you sit down?”

“No!” He pulled away stomping to the other end of the room. “I’m the eldest! It should have chosen me!”

His mother looked at him with what he knew was pity. “Eris. Please sit. I need you to sit down.”

“How can I sit? I have to do something. What does it say about me that I didn’t become High Lord?”

His whole identity was wrapped in being the heir to Autumn. He was raised to rule the court. He spent his life lying and cheating his way into taking out Beron. Without it, he was nothing.

Despite his protests, his mother walked up to him and without a word guided him to the couch. She forced him to sit. She sighed loudly and he looked up at her.

“I was worried this would happen,” she said softly, looking down at the floor. “I was- I hoped my bloodline and Beron naming you his heir would be enough but-“

“But what,” he said more harshly than he meant.

He stood again, restless energy humming through him. His mother grabbed his face again, cradling it in her hands as she looked lovingly at him.

“Eris,” There were tears in her eyes. “The magic skipped you because you’re not Beron’s son.”

“That’s not possible,” he snapped back immediately, pulling away again while a chill ran down his spine. “I look just like- like father.” He spat the last word with venom. Even dead he wouldn’t give that male any niceties.

“You look like me.” His mother’s voice cracked as one of those tears escaped and rolled down her cheek, “and you have Helion’s eyes, Eris.”

“That isn’t possible!” He yelled, fire once again engulfing his hands for a moment. “I was born after you married. Your affair started after the war, you told me-“

“The affair, Eris.” His mother’s own autumn powers ran along her fingers. Probably ready to fight him if he didn’t settle. “I knew Helion before I was married.”

Eris could only stare at her. “How? Father would have, he would have killed you.”

Her flames vanished and she stood straight, her face hardened. “You were born nine months after the wedding. I went horseback riding when I felt the labor start as a cover. The healer told Beron that’s why you came early and he believed it.”

Eris stumbled back, falling onto the couch again behind him when his knees gave out. He wasn’t the heir of Autumn. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

“I don’t have any of those powers.” He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. “I would have- I would have shown them by now.”

If he was truly an heir of Day he wouldn’t have been taken by that fucking crown. Surely he would have been able to break free from it. But I did, he remembered, I was coherent enough to hide the Made blade and feed that wretch incorrect information. The whole time growing up he called Lucien a bastard but the truth was they both were.

He looked at his mother and he knew he sounded defeated when he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was selfish.” She said, more tears falling down her cheeks. “I was scared and alone. You were my baby. I- I didn’t want Beron to find out and kill you. By the time you were old enough there was a war and I was separated from you. After… I don’t have an excuse.”

“Does he know?” Eris was crying. He hadn’t cried since he was a child but he couldn’t stop the tears. He didn’t stop his voice from raising as he repeated “Does he know!”

“No.”

Helion didn’t know. Which meant Eris couldn’t go to him. He felt his throat tighten. He wasn’t safe here. He definitely was to be a laughing stock when the morning came and everyone started finding out he wasn’t high lord. He wished humiliation could kill, then at least he would be dead.

There was a knock and he heard the door open. He looked automatically, not bothering to wipe away drying tears or hide his distress. Piran had walked in looking white as a ghost. His copper brown hair was disheveled, like he’d been running his fingers through it constantly since they’d left the room. It was almost nauseating the power coming off him in waves. He shut the door and his gaze met Eris’s.

“We can fix this,” Piran whispered. “I don’t- I don’t want to be High Lord.”

“How?” Eris snapped. “Even if I killed you, which I won’t, the power wouldn’t come to me.”

“Maybe there’s a spell,” Piran went and stood beside their mother. He looked between the two. “A transfer of power. Maybe the priestesses-“

Their mother reached over and cupped Piran’s cheek with her hand. Eris could see him shaking as she looked at him with a soft smile.

“The magic chose you. It’s alright, my love.”

“But mother,” his voice cracked much like Eris’s did earlier. “I can’t. I wasn’t trained for this. I’m not,” he stopped and clenched his jaw.

Eris wanted to vomit. None of this was going according to plan. The only thing that went smoothly was killing Beron. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees to cover his eyes with his hand.

He spoke without looking up, “we just have to accept it.”

“You can’t say that,” Piran hissed. “I will concede my status.”

Eris dropped his hand and glared up at his brother. “I can’t be high lord, you idiot. I’m not Beron’s son.”

Piran’s eyes widened. “What?” He looked to their mother. “How, you didn’t- Eris is the eldest, you weren’t-“

“I knew Helion before I married your father.” She said, not an ounce of regret in her tone.

“How could you do that?” Piran stepped back, putting distance between them. “Mother, how could you? Lucien and Eris? Was I, did you even want me?”

“I am your mother, Piran.” Eris had never heard his mother speak so harshly. “Of course I wanted you. I love you no more than I love any of my other children. You both were blessings from the cauldron. All seven of you were.” Eris watched his mother pull Piran to her and hold him in a way she hadn’t been able to hold any of them for a long time. “Do not ever doubt my love for you.”

Eris failed to tamper down the jealousy welling in his chest. “That’s fantastic to hear mother, but that doesn’t solve our problem.”

“I told you,” Piran said but didn’t remove himself from the hug. “I’ll transfer the power.”

“That isn’t possible and you know it.” He shot up from the couch, the heat in his body rising with his anger again. He turned from them both, staring at the bookshelf to think. “I’ll have to leave; fake my death. Live the rest of my days disguised a common fae in the woods.”

He could practically feel Piran roll his eyes. “Stop being dramatic.”

Eris felt his mother grab his arm. “I’ll send word to Helion. We can set up a meeting-“

“Helion hates me.” Eris wanted to snatch his arm away but didn’t when he glanced and saw the hurt in his mother’s eyes. “Do you think centuries of hate will disappear just because we tell him I’m his bastard son?”

Piran didn’t let their mother answer. “Mother, go call for a priestess. We will wait here.”

There was no room for protest. Their mother nodded and left quickly. There was heavy silence between them but Eris refused to break it first.

“So,” Piran asked after a moment. “How does it feel to know you aren’t the son of a monster?”

“Don’t start,” Eris scowled. “I was raised by him all the same as you.”

“But mother wanted you. You and Lucien both. I always knew you were the favorites and now I know why.”

“Favorite? I’m the favorite?” Eris scoffed. “You and the others were coddled by her long after you became of age. At least mother tended to your punishment wounds instead of leaving you to deal with them yourself.”

Piran went quiet and Eris felt he won. Until Piran replied, “Father wouldn’t let her.” Eris stared at his brother. “He said you were the heir; you needed to learn how to deal with your own problems. He told all of us if we were caught helping it would be a week in the dungeons.”

“I didn’t know that.”

He should have. But that was probably the point of it, to make Eris feel like he couldn’t trust anyone. Not even his own mother.

Eris changed the subject. “You should stay High Lord.”

“No,” Piran shook his head. “I don’t know the first thing about ruling. It’s you who have the loyalties. You have led the army. And you know damn well Asher and Cillian won’t listen to me. I bet those two don’t even know our father is dead.”

“Probably not,” the corner of his mouth ticked up. “I bet they’re both drunk and passed out in a corridor again.”

“Leave us to do the dirty work as usual.” His remark had Eris’s eyes skimming both their clothes. They were covered in now dried blood. Piran cleared his throat. “The Night Court made Crusebreaker High Lady. If they can do that, surely we can transfer the power.”

Eris laughed. “You’re really going to take notes from the Night Court? Feyre maybe High Lady but Rhysand pulls all the strings. She’s only High lady in title; he lets her think she has power.”

Piran side eyed his brother. “You’re just bitter that their Witch didn’t accept your proposition.”

“If you saw how they used her, you would have offered her a way out as well.”

They both were silent after that. They both ended up on the couch, waiting. Embarrassment settled back in but Eris was too tired to care. He could weather the humiliation of the priestess finding out. It was the whole court and all of Pyrthian learning of his predicament he wasn’t sure he could fully handle.

And Helion.

Helion would probably kill him, if only to keep Eris from inheriting Day. He doubted his mother could sway him differently. Eris was always worried about that happening with Lucien. He never dreamed it could happen to him too.

Eris mulled it over in his mind while he cradled his head in his hands. How did he not know? He looked nothing like Lucien. However, the more Eris thought about it, the more his stomach soured. He didn’t have the Spring sun to see if his skin would tan. He didn’t burn as easily as his other brothers. He had to spell his hair to keep it neat. So many little details adding up to a glaring miscalculation on his part.

And Lucien. The gods have damned him as he made promises to Lucien he now couldn’t keep. He couldn’t even- his chest tightened. What would Celeste think? She was going to come back and find him an utter failure. An heir to none and unwanted bastard of a court he never knew.

When the door opened, snapping him out his thoughts, he and Piran jumped to their feet. His mother walked in and behind her the Head Priestess. Shame washed over him as she looked at Piran with shock. Her eyes seemed to dare not glance at Eris.

“High Lord,” she said with a curtsy. “May the Mother bless your reign.”

“No,” Piran shook his head. “It will not be my reign the Mother will bless.” He looked at their mother then back to the priestess. “Priestess Rhea, I need to transfer the power.”

She shifted on her feet, staring at the floor. “My Lord, I am not sure it can be done. There are risks.”

“What are the risks?” Piran asked.

“The Magic is ancient. If it feels disrespected, there would be devastating consequences. The cauldron blesses those it deems worthy. It is a slight against the cauldron and the mother to go against those blessings.”

“But there is a way,” Piran pressed on.

“You could lose your life,” she replied softly.

Eris saw the pain that flashed in his mother’s eyes. He turned to his brother. “Piran, this is nonsense. Just stay High Lord and make me second in command.”

“No, it’s supposed to be you,” he countered. “You’re the strongest of all of us. It- it should not matter whose blood runs through your veins. It should be you.”

“Mother would never forgive me if you die trying to make me High Lord.”

“Boys, please-“ she started but Eris held up his hand.

“No, mother. You’ve suffered enough.”

Fire shown in Piran’s eyes. “Well, I am High Lord for now and I command it. Rhea, explain the spell.”

Eris glowered but couldn’t fight the command. Rhea couldn’t either. She went into detail on how the process worked. How they would have to stop at just the right time before all of Piran’s powers were drained. If they didn’t, his very life would leave him. She added with great emphasis that nothing of this sort had ever been attempted in her lifetime.

“Even if it worked,” she added, “the cauldron could curse the reign. The Autumn Court would be a shell of its former self until the magic rights itself.”

“The reign will not be cursed. The Mother blesses those who act selflessly. I’m not doing this because I want to. I’m doing what’s best for the court.”

Eris scoffed. “This is everything but selfless Pir. Stop being a coward and accept this is how things are meant to be!”

“The Cauldron is wrong.” Piran yelled so loudly it came as a roar. The two females recoiled but Eris stood his ground. “I can’t do this!”

“You can and you will,” Eris replied.

Eris and Piran stared each other down. It was their mother, sensing the increasing hostility, that ushered the priestess into the hall. He was uncertain what that would accomplish, but when the door shut Piran’s shoulders went slack.

“We split it.” He said and Eris narrowed his gaze. His brother pressed on. “We split the power. We both take the title of High Lord. You do politics and I will take over agriculture. We split the legions.”

“And when you get bored of sharing?” Eris snarled.

If it wounded Piran’s pride, he didn’t show it. “We make a bargain to never willingly or knowingly plot to overthrow the other.”

“What happens, when you die? The next heir only gets half the power of a High Lord? How can you not see how ridiculous this is?”

He wanted nothing more than to collapse, settling for leaning back against the wall. Dawn was going to break soon. They didn’t have time to keep arguing. And Eris was tired. So very tired.

He continued. “We need to focus on damage control. We cannot kept wasting time arguing about who deserves the power more. The governors and lords loyal to Beron need to be elimated.”

Silence fell heavy between them.

“Fine,” Piran said, sounding just as tired as Eris. “I keep the powers and you’ll be my second.”

In the future Eris knew he would make peace with that. For the moment, he was reluctantly thinking of all the things he would have done if he had been crowned High Lord. Piran was right on that front; he wasn’t trained. Eris would need to swallow his own pride for the next few weeks while he walked his brother through the ropes.

“Your first act, I request you pardon Lucien.” Piran nodded. Eris was relieved he didn’t argue. “Then you’ll call the court together before sending out formal letters to the other High Lords.”

Piran still looked worried. “And what do we tell them, Eris? What do we tell them when they see I am now High Lord?” And you are not, went unsaid.

Eris shrugged. “You tell them to bow.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Author’s note: I really wanted to play with the fact Eris and Helion have the same eyes. I also wanted to explore what would happen if Eris wasn’t high lord and how he would feel.

[mangoeatseyes]

just attempted rendering for the first time after exclusively using cell shading for years

i tried

[joifee]

Since you looking for requests how about Empires S1 Jimmy and/or Lizzie?

The Ocean Queen

I choose Lizzie because I havent drawn her fully yet! I love how it turned out^^

[sakurachan7734]

It was a hot day and Jackson wanted to wear a skirt and smoke at the back of the school during lunch

[thaissingarts]

[messengerhermes]

Double edged

If I can act like a selfish jackass I suppose I shouldn't be any more surprised that I can be a hopeless romantic, after all, both require my head to be where it shouldn't be what difference is it if it's up my ass or in the clouds?

Sometimes you only recognize love after it’s dressed up in regret’s clothes

I don’t want to admit how many times I’ve found this to be true But fuck no, I don’t want to try again, But fuck all if I don’t wish it could have gone differently

I'm sorry I was so quick to move between confessing how much you mattered and making you feel you mattered so little, yours was a confidence I couldn’t keep I’m disgusted by the gulf between our definitions of honesty When I could fill a book it feels with your lies by omission

Does everything go over sour sweet for you, too? All the memories of the times I made your heart soar tinted bitter metallic Do they still come up for you, was there anything even there? Or did I keep you enough on a knife edge that you took the fear that I’d drop you for the thrill that I’d love you?

I kind of think I’m the villain in your story, and that’s where I should be I don’t know who you are in mine? The kind of dancehall partner I always needed, that I stood up because I was too busy kicking rocks? A cowardly time waster, who cuts their tongue off to spite their face? I don’t want to say that, let my insults slip past my eyelids Into the world where you might see them I don’t owe you that decency, but it feels hard to let it go Let myself be teeth and claw for you When once, a day could change simply from getting a cluster of messages in a bottle from you Blooming in my pocket Snapshots of your day when you thought of me, seaglass bright Interspersed with dazzling abalone, the revelations from the depths you were diving too

Can I be changed by moments that were one sided connection? Can it be I never transformed you, because I never knew you really? A tilt of your hand casting the light on a facet of myself I never considered, what I find to be the truest forms of love What a crime, what a loss, if I never gave you the same light to see by

[pleasetakethis]

Trust and Time Travel by rearranged (her_ghost) / @pleasetakethis art by KerrAvonsen / @kerravonsen for the @marvelreversebigbang

Summary:

Pepper wakes up in the past with no idea how she arrived there. Without a way to return to her timeline, she has to figure out how to make the most of the second chance she's been given, even if it means letting go of the future she'd been living. Post-Endgame.

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