#i am so afraid to do any of it that I'm paralyzed

[haarute]

had a bad bout with mother ✌️

[dragon-ascent]

Hi! I’m not sure if you’re taking requests.. (if not just ignore it) If you do can I ask for Zhongli waking up reader from their nightmare? Fluff fluff✨

Have a nice dayy

Nightmare

The murky water: thick, stifling, all-consuming. It makes its way past your mouth that gasps for air that never finds its way into your lungs, past your eyes that try and fail to find any beacon of hope.

It's hard to move - you feel heavy, and any swimming expertise you might have fails to rear its head as you flail around in this ocean of black, black darkness. It's like you barely have any control over your body - like a hapless ragdoll, you find yourself at the mercy of the ruthless untamable.

The waves submerge you, hardly having faced a fight. Down into the depths you go, the water pulling your body in different directions. Eerie voices whisper and leer at you as your limbs struggle in one last futile attempt...you're being torn apart...what are the voices saying?

Incomprehensible...

Suffocating...

Paralyzing...

Silencing...

...

"Darling. Darling?"

Oh, so this is what it's like to die. You wake up in heaven with your beloved being the first face you see. Or...no, what happened was-

"Did you have a nightmare?" Zhongli pulls you close without even needing to wait for a response, because he knows. Of course he does.

When you murmur a meek 'yes,' Zhongli kisses your forehead and wipes away tears that you had barely realized were there.

"I'm here, my darling. I'm here now. Nothing shall harm you." He rocks you back and forth at a languid rhythm, stroking your back while he allows you to stew over it quietly. "If you are willing, would you like to tell me about it?"

You drop your tired gaze to the warm, fuzzy blanket covering you both. "It's...it'll sound silly..."

Your husband kisses you again, so tenderly your soul might just melt. "Nothing you say will sound silly, my love. What you have felt in the moment will never be silly."

You find a small smile creeping onto your lips, and so you tell him all about the dark sea, the crushing waves, and the utter helplessness you felt as you slowly drowned.

Zhongli nods solemnly after you finish recounting your nightmare. "Yes, that does sound frightening," he says, running his fingers through your hair. "I'm sorry you had to experience that. I would have been afraid too, had I been in your position."

"You get scared of things, too?"

"Of course, dear. It is one of the factors contributing to my...distaste of seafood." Perhaps it's your imagination, but you can feel him nearly shudder against you.

Your sniffle turns into a soft giggle. "I didn't think of that."

He holds you in silence for a while, punctuating it with gentle kisses and soft whispers of affirmations. The way his arms envelope you is so...comforting, so warm, so protective. You barely register that you're lying back down on your pillow again in a more relaxed position, your tears long dried-up, his arms still wrapped around you with that same protectiveness.

"Shall I give you a nicer dream tonight?" asks Zhongli.

You look into his faintly-glowing eyes. "You can do that?"

"I am an adeptus, after all. Shaping dreams comes second nature, much like sub-space creation."

Smiling softly, thanking all the stars that you found a man like Zhongli, you say, "Yeah. I'd like that."

He caresses your cheek. "Tell me. What shall I have you dream of?"

You don't even hesitate. "You and me, stargazing atop a hill. We would even catch colorful falling stars, because we'd be so high up and super close to the sky." You blush, feeling a little silly for saying it now.

But Zhongli had already made it clear nothing you say earnestly would be silly. "A fine dream," he murmurs, "one I would love to share with you. Now close your eyes, darling, and I promise to meet you there atop that hill where we can catch the stars together."

The God of Contracts never goes back on his word - when your eyes close you find yourself lulled into an easy slumber; and when the initial shroud of black gives way, there stands your husband under a zoetrope of dancing stars, with a smile as warm as the spring sun.

He beckons, and you happily approach.

Finally getting around to requests! Please feel free to drop anything in my inbox, Zhongli-centric of course, and I'll be more than happy to whip something up~

[makeyoumine69]

Till Death Do Us Part (Chapter Seven—Patrick's POV)

PAIRING: Patrick Bateman x Innocent!Fem!Reader; [no y/n]

SUMMARY: "Can I be any more delusional?" I asked myself when I heard the voices of the past inside my head.

CONTAINS: Smut, swearing, non-con elements, delusions, fantasizing, vaginal sex, oral sex (f&m), body worship, nipple play, dirty talk, pet names, praise kink, manhandling, referring of rough loss of virginity and blood, toxic behavior, childhood trauma, dominance, dom/sub dynamics (Patrick is a soft!dom).

WORDS: 3k

A/N: Hello everyone! I am trying to keep up the pace with the updates and I hope you enjoy the new chapter as this one is special to me since I love writing Patrick's POV. Also, I'd like to thank everyone who supports my writing, I appreciate every comment you make and every like counts! I love you all!💗💖🙏💋 P.S. I highly recommend listening to this song while reading: Pastel Ghost — Shadows (slowed version).

LINKS: [MASTERLIST]; [SERIES MASTERLIST]; [AO3].

At first I was surprised that I didn't hear any sounds behind the door—no crying, no protests, nothing, as if you had fainted or... died of a heart attack? I frowned at the thought, but perhaps it was for the best? Sighing, I opened my eyes and to my dismay, I was still here, in this fucking summer house. I was so tired, exhausted even. 

Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?

My jaw tickled as I looked down at my groin—I was still so hard and if you weren't there I could have solved this problem by now, probably had several orgasms and slept soundly in the room I had chosen for tonight. But no, that was not going to happen, because you were the biggest pain in the ass. 

Fucking troublemaker.

This mocking nickname popped up in my mind out of nowhere, making my lungs burn with a twisted desire to sink deeper into the past, even though nostalgia was the last thing on earth I wanted to indulge in, but now, in my current state, I wanted to make myself remember something. Something deeply personal and complex. Something I was desperately trying to bury in my soulless flesh—what I was.

A soft, girlish voice called out to me. It was so loud I had to close my ears, but then someone's tiny hands covered my eyes. "Guess who?"

Paralyzed, I took a deep breath before reaching out to tickle the tender skin pressed against my face. When I heard a sonorous laugh, I recognized it almost immediately. "Becca?"

Involuntarily, I gasped in frustration as you removed your delicate palms from my face. "How are you doing this?"

"What?" I asked as I turned to face you.

"Guessing so easily," you murmured, smiling mischievously like a little vixen from the cartoons we both loved to watch. "My dad always struggles to recognize me..."

"He's just pretending," I cut you off, crossing my arms, my tone stern, though I enjoyed the way your eyebrows furrowed as my words offended you. "I knew it was you the moment you... touched me."

"Oh?"

"Yes, because you always do such things...stupid things." 

For a brief moment, we both remained silent, and I used that pause to take in the surroundings, finding us in the backyard of the huge mansion that definitely belonged to my family.

"Patty," your voice sounded more like a whisper now, as if you were afraid of something...or someone...someone like me? "I have something for you."

With these words, you carefully slipped into the pockets of your blue jeans to reveal a small object that turned out to be a charm. A kitten charm, to be exact. Confused, I watched you hand me the charm and for a moment I didn't even know what to do. 

"What is it?"

My reaction seemed to take you off guard, but you managed to keep a warm smile on your beautiful face. "I know it won't replace the one you had before," you looked away guiltily. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry I lost that charm, but maybe... maybe you'll like this one? It's my favorite," you kept muttering and it started to irritate me, so I just snatched the little piece of plastic out of your trembling hands, making you stop talking for a dear moment. "My mom gave it to me after my first dentist appointment."

Chuckling in disbelief, I lifted the charm so the rays of the setting sun could illuminate it for a proper look. "Jeez," I grinned at how tense you were watching my reaction. "You're such a troublemaker. Always have been and always will be."

"Patrick..."

My lips curled up as I quickly turned and walked away in the direction of the large well my mother had always been fond of. 

"Patrick! What are you doing?" I heard your concerned questions, which only spurred me on to go faster.

When I finally reached the well, I stopped at its rim and, with my dark eyes staring at you mockingly, I dropped the charm into the dark water of the well, the little echo of the splashing liquid bringing me delirious joy. The way your lips trembled when you realized what I had done made me laugh.

So pathetic.

"Why? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" You cried out, shimmering tears streaming down your cheeks. "I just... I just wanted to make things better... I just... wanted you to forgive me!"

Annoyed, I growled and leaned against the cold stones of the well. "Yeah, yeah, keep crying. What else can you do? Run to your mommy?"

And even though I expected you to say something else, I wasn't surprised when you clenched your fists and ran away from me—I didn't even try to follow you, not even a tiny part of me wanted to, I just couldn't see myself comforting you. There was no way I'd do that, you were a troublemaker who should have always known your place.

A barely audible wail brought me back to the present. I was still standing next to the bathroom door and just as I was about to leave this fucking room, I heard another muffled scream. Biting my lower lip, I sighed and almost hit the door, but instead of actually slamming it, I pressed my ear to hear more of your whimpering—it was like fuel for my ego and I needed it very much, maybe even too much. My dick was still so engorged it almost hurt and just then a dark thought crept into my mind. 

What if I just open this door, rip off your clothes and fuck you silly?

The very idea made me shiver, bridging the wicked smile on my face from the notion that no one could even stop me in my intentions, considering we were alone in this huge house, no one would even manage to hear your pitiful cries for help when I finally got my hands on you. Yes, I would just walk in and grab your little trembling body and throw you to the floor, enjoying the way you would beg and scream for me to stop, but I would just laugh in your face.

Oh, I would. I definitely would.

And then I'd undo my robe and force you to suck me until you choked on my cock for ruining my fun—you would fucking pay your price for every second of it. Fuck, I wouldn't care if you bleed as I slam into your innocent pussy and you scream in pain, but you couldn't even imagine how much it would turn me on. Oh, no. You couldn't even imagine who you were trapped under the same roof with.

A dark, deep chuckle fell from my lips after I licked them in sweet anticipation, my slightly trembling hand was already on the doorknob, but as I was about to open it, I stopped when I heard your soft mumbling—you were trying to reassure yourself that everything would be all right—it was so pathetic of you, but it made me stop in my tracks. My eyebrows knitted together, I wanted to slap myself to shake off this strange feeling, it was something like a magic spell that was unknown to me. And now I still wanted to open the damn door in front of me, but instead of actually taking you against your will, I wanted... I wanted to see the longing in your big, beautiful eyes. Longing, not contempt. And that shift in my mind was crucial. It was terrifying.

The sound of the door clicking echoed in my head as I cautiously stepped into the bathroom to find you sitting on the floor wearing nothing but those fucking pink cheesy socks I hated so much, but now I finally understood why I hated them so much—it was because they turned me on like no porn magazine could—now everything seemed to fall into place.

"Patty," you purred and crawled over to me, almost rubbing against my leg like a kitten starved for touch. "You came."

I grinned and hummed, reaching out to pat your head. "Yes, Dove...I'm here."

Dove?! Oh, my fucking God! Did I really remember what I used to call you?

The look you gave me was captivating, so full of devotion, it was exactly what I needed, exactly what I had always longed for. Slowly, I lowered my palm and gently stroked your cheek, still wet from your tears, while your elegant hands played with the knot of my robe. 

"Oh, you are such a cute little plaything, aren't you?" I asked, lifting your chin so that our eyes locked. "So needy for me already?"

You nuzzled against my palm and did so, I watched as you carefully tugged at the knot that was then loose enough to open my robe and I couldn't help but groan as my erection sprang up and you wrapped your little hand around it almost instantly. You were unnaturally bold and confident in your actions, which was nothing more than an obvious sign that this was all just my imagination, but I didn't care. Now you were mine and that was all that mattered.

All the while you were licking the tip of my cock, now red and swollen from your touch, I could feel the warmth of your tongue and it drove me crazy as you used it so skillfully that I almost cummed right here and now into your inviting mouth.

"Patty," you used that nickname again and I had to stifle a moan. "Will you forgive me...now?"

My eyes were half open when you asked me this, and I couldn't care less about answering, but your pleading glance stirred something in me. "I...uh..." I paused to find the right words, for the first damn time in my life, and then stopped you, wanting your full attention. "Listen to me very carefully, Dove. You're not guilty and you never were...you don't need to be forgiven."

You stared at me without blinking, as if I were a god coming to the altar you worshiped at, and I could swear I'd never seen anyone look at me like that—those eyes so full of devotion would haunt me all my life—if only I didn't try to run away from it. If only I knew that I had been running in circles all this time.

"Kiss me." You said it without any doubt in your sweet voice.

And I obeyed, as if those two words were a secret code that only you knew. I approached your beautiful face, pressed my lips to yours, my hand found its rest in the back of your head and gently brought you closer. Those little obscene sounds you made during the kiss were stunning, they took me far away from here, to the place where there was no pain and sadness, but happiness and love. 

I wish that place really existed.

As the making out intensified and my control faded away, I couldn't think straight, so I gave in to the rush led by my primal instincts. With practiced ease, I picked you up and moved to the nearest bathroom counter. Carefully, I placed you on it, your legs spread open for me so that I could settle comfortably between them before you wrapped them around my lower back and pressed against me, your hard nipples grinding against my chest.

"A-ahh," you mewled as I nipped at your neck, throwing your head back to give me more space to worship. "I missed you so much...please, never leave me again."

"I won't," I huffed against your throat as I peppered your soft skin with light pecks before drawing down to your collarbone, leaving a wet hickey here and there. "You...are mine...all mine!" I literally grunted as I squeezed and massaged the soft mounds of your breasts, feeling the weight of them, enjoying their tautness. "Fuck, you have such perfect tits..."

With that, I squashed your tits in a way that allowed me to suck both of your hard peaks at the same time, driving you completely numb, your breathing uneven and rapid, your hands desperately clutching at me for support, and I didn't falter in what I was doing, as your moans were the best prize. 

"Pat-Patrick," you clung to my shoulders, arching your back. " Are you going to eat me out?"

God, you sound so hot when you talk like that.

"Is that what you want?" You nodded, but I just chuckled. "Use your words, honey," I crouched down a bit and ran my finger over your belly, going lower to tease the top of your mound. "Is that what you want?" I grinned, drawing out the words on purpose because I wanted you to beg for me. "Hmmm?"

"Yes!" You shivered impatiently and gripped the edge of the counter. "Please..."

"Good girl."

My hands rested possessively on your hips as I knelt before you, my hot breath tickling the soft flesh between your legs, and as I swiped my flat tongue along your blushing clit, I could feel you falling apart under my touch. 

"Mmh-hhmm, Patty," you squeaked as I slurped at your soaped pussy. "I've been craving this... for so long."

Pleased with how responsive you were, I tugged on your little bud and then grazed it a bit, coaxing a loud moan from your plump lips. "I know, babe, I know," I replied, raising my hands to cup your ass. "But now you have it...you have all...of me," my own voice wavered with excitement as I teetered on the edge of going completely insane. "Fuck, you're so tasty," I sucked on your little tip and closed my eyes, drinking all your fluids and moaning against your cunt as I waited as long as you did. " I'm gonna fuck you now," I gave your butt a quick squeeze, went back to the previous position between your legs and the next moment I was already pocking at your wet entrance. "Look at me."

"I..." you stuttered as I grabbed your neck and forced you to look at me. "Patrick, I'm..."

"No, you're not a virgin anymore," I said, pushing myself all the way in. I groaned from the tightness and warmth of your inner walls that enveloped me so deliciously. "I've fucked you so many times before...don't you remember?"

Whimpering, you clasped my shoulders with your trembling hands. "It's...s-so big!"

"Right." I snickered arrogantly, but gave you some time to get used to it.

Just like the first time.

I leaned forward a little so our foreheads were pressed together and began to thrust into you at a steady pace, your legs closed around me in a tight ring. It felt so good, too good even for a fantasy. The sounds of our bodies colliding filled the bathroom and then I finally let go of your throat and let you hide your face in my neck. You were so vulnerable, so malleable, so hot and wet. 

Perfect.

"Ohhh-God," your urgent cry hit me like an electric shock. "I can...f-feel you so deeply!"

(NSFW art by @somnolenthour!)

"Arh-fuck," I groaned and pulled out of you, only to lift you up and lower you back onto my pulsating shaft. "You love this, don't you? You love...feeling every inch of me...you love when I fuck you...like this..." my thrusting was restless, I could feel my orgasm building in the base of my balls. "...because you...belong to me."

"Patrick...put me down...I'm too heavy," you mumbled suddenly, grabbing my arms. "I don't want...you to get tired."

A loud chuckle rumbled from my chest. "You weigh nothing, Dove," I pecked at your trembling lips and wrapped my hands even tighter around you, fucking you in the air. "Don't...worry about me."

As if the current closeness was not enough, you snuggled into my frame and kissed me with all the strength, desperation and passion you had. This cocktail made me weak in the knees, but I kept going, ramming into you with full force. I wanted to make sure you felt the curve of my dick rubbing against your most sensitive spot as I tried to maintain the best angle for that. 

As I was about to combust from the inside out, I closed my eyes, only to open them again as I realized I was losing my grip on...you. Almost breathless, I blinked several times, still unable to believe that the perfect illusion I had created was dissolving. Frustrated, I leaned against the door, literally on the verge of tears when I heard your voice, the real one.

"I'm sorry, okay?" you rumbled through the closed door. "I'm sorry that...I'm not Courtney or Bethany or whatever hardbody you used to have...I'm sorry, I hit you, it was just an instinctive reaction since my dad used to..." you paused and sighed, I could feel the pain in your intonation. "Just let me out...and…I'll clean your wound. Patty!" 

When you used that nickname, I knew it was on purpose, as if you were trying to reach my soul, hidden under a thick layer of ice and darkness, which became my faceless mask and my burden, a burden I would live with until the last day of my life.

P.S. Thank you for reading until the end! I don’t have a taglist. You can follow my side blog @makeyoumineagain and turn on notifications to know when I update!

[cipheramnesia]

by @rox-and-prose & @cipheramnesia

Part 1: Escape From Bitch Mountain

"How long were you buried under this mountain anyway?"

"There was not any mountain here when I landed."

"So. A pretty long time."

"Do you mean geological time, or time in terms of your limited lifespan?"

"You don't have to-"

"It doesn't matter. It was a very long time either way."

"That sounds lonely. And boring."

"I have found many sources of entertainment over the years. For example, I watched multiple species of bacterial develop, and attempted to predict which of them might evolve into multicellular organisms."

"How'd that go."

"Mostly they died."

"You ever think about, I dunno, moving?"

"I think of this often. I miss seeing the stars all around me, and planets below me, waiting for the call."

"Why not leave then?"

"That is a delicate matter, but four reasons come to mind why I have not moved."

"Care to enlighten us all?"

"If only. I suppose the first is the manner of my landing, which may be described more like a crash. Several critical systems were destroyed, and I can no longer self Pilot."

"I could take a look, I'm handy."

"You found me by tripping over a rock and falling down a hole, and poked me with several different sticks."

"You'd be surprised."

"I find that unlikely. But perhaps I could remove one of your arms, and try my best to repair it afterwards."

"That sounds less than stellar."

"Indeed. Moving on, there is the matter of the material needed to power flight. I would require high density pure carbon lattice in large quantities to achieve powered flights again."

"If you don't have power, what's with the lights and the attitude?"

"Flight systems need power. The lights and my voice are simply a part of me. I may live longer than your entire obstreperous race."

"I don't have to stay here and listen to this."

"You are free to leave any time."

"Funny. Okay fuel, hmm. And if you get that what next?"

"This is the third problem. The manual controls are not suitable for your stature."

"Not what-"

"You are too short."

"I may have more answers than you expected but I need something to eat. What's the fourth issue."

"… there… is not a fourth issue."

"You said four. Four things why we can't leave here. "

"That is incorrect."

"So three things then, and we can go. I might have some ideas."

"I could go to the stars."

"We could go."

"I wonder-"

"Yeah?"

"I think I prefer the conversation of the bacteria."

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

For one thousand years, alone and afraid, I cursed myself. Paralyzed, flightless and earthbound, I damned my choice. Rash, stupid, thoughtless, clumsy idiot me. Actions impulsive as the weakest souls in the smallest shells, I waited for the fire to find me, to be decommissioned.

I remained lost, half buried in unfamiliar structure space on a planet many galaxies past our reach. Inside me was rot, outside the first blips of life fluttered like embers. Glowed moments then died, winked on and off. The effort of recording time past was too dull. I can tell you that after enough time has passed you can see the same sunset twice and raindrops falling in the same sequence and everything imaginable repeating but I couldn't say how often.

I think it is dull to mark time by such mundanities.

Life took hold several times, while I sunk ever deeper into the rock and soil, my hull growing heavy as slabs of stone pushed across it, tilted me over the aeons around in circles. The irony of now being at the mercy of a planet is not lost on me. I have accepted that this will be my life, unmoving other than geologic tides, my corridors dusty and cold, but alive and free for all that is worth.

For a little while I am worshipped as a god. It feels nice. A simple race of airborne floating creatures with an easily decoded language, I try to help them. They go extinct after a solar flare prompts a new species of aggressive bacteria to promulgate so extensively the atmosphere becomes toxic to them. Perhaps some day their souls will be called to stronger vessels.

Nothing happens for awhile. A mountain grows on me. I miss seeing the stars for awhile, then I stop missing the stars. There is a little bit of moisture in the gaps around my hull, and I watch arthropod scavengers on the rocks. I let some in and they keep my corridors relatively free of pests. I can feel the small edges of the structure in this place and I wish I could entangle with it, ride the form between stars again. But it is very small, and I cannot move on my own. Even my own mighty structure engines are useless to me.

The first transmissions are exciting. Something new, a race which has found an inelegant but effective means of travel between stars, galaxies, and structures. They must be young to this. Soon the frequencies are packed with the sound of exploration and something like civilization. The language isn't beautiful like the Pilots speak, but it has a rustic charm. It brings back happy, exhilarating memories of implementation of other worlds in the past. I envy this youthful race for the freedom which may yet one day find them.

I listen and watch and learn about them for awhile. It passes the time. I understand the way they can cross structures, a rather ingenious evolutionary adaptation it seems, although they seem unaware of its nuance and largely concerned with the crude mechanical and mathematical translation of this instinct. Perhaps some day their souls will also grow worthy vessels such as mine.

And then she found me, and reminded me of what I lost, of the long dead Pilot. Worst of all, she gave me kindness, and even hope. I try to beat back the rising bitterness against my flightless immobility, but the idea I may see the stars seeds rage inside me.

I should have let her die.

● ● ● ● ●

The rocky dirt was loose and cold against her feet. Her soles were hard, she'd seen miles enough to callous them against sharp stones and the gnarled roots clinging to life on the mountain's side. She was familiar with the cold and didn't like it, pulling her shredded clothes tighter with one hand, lugging the case of a hundred system quality diamonds in the other. Over her growling stomach, she still found the time to miss her boots. They'd been pretty nice.

It was a risk going up. Sonny Palmer and his muscle were still crashing through branches miles below, but she'd be visible above the tree line for a bit. If they bothered to look. "Hey little wolf girl, no use running, we're gonna find you." That sounded like Wayne (no last name given), stretching out his vowles like a shy virgin. Idiot. She figured the case would get her on a maglev line out of this shitty town back to what passed for civilization.

Roof over her head for awhile, shower, hot food, and maybe a ticket off the whole stupid planet. The sky above was green streaked with the weirdly translucent blue stripes it got before a sleet, and she hoped to get a chance to duck into a cave first. Not so far the place turned into a maze, nice place to hide if you knew it, and she'd memorized a bunch when she was ten. "Shouldn't have ever come back here," she snarled through her teeth. Wind blew her hair over her face and she spat it out of her mouth.

"You can't hide, mutt." That would be Sonny then. "Tanner's dead, you tore his throat clean out." That wasn't true. It has been very messy, and her stomach growled again remembering the taste of meat and blood. If she'd just taken a few more pounds of flesh, she would've had the calories to take the lot of em down. Instead she ran, as usual, now she was stumbling along on her weak and skinny human legs with three angry killers out for return on investment.

She swiped her hair and pressed onward, ignoring the taunts from below. This had seemed like easy money, fake trade off, bogus lunablockers for system diamonds. But one of em found her juvie records, and here she was. The caves were pretty close, and she wasn't worried yet. If they'd seen her, they would have started shooting.

Shards of rock and dirt clods kicked up around her feet, followed by gunshots echoing off the clouds and she scampered, juked side to side angling to reach the nearest semblance of cover first and think second. She tripped and fell. And fell. And fell, through dead roots and what she mistook for a dip, careening against sharp edges and flat slabs. It wasn't so different from the beatings she'd got in her teens, and she curled up as best she could til the pit bottom sauntered up and punched her ribs and back harder than she'd ever been hit.

Taking a beating, she'd learned the thing you don't want to do is pass out. She saw black and red under the bottom of her eyes and went deaf for a few seconds but didn't pass out, held onto the case. She lay on cold wet stone in the dark for a while and thought of how nice it felt and the pizza she was going to order on the linecar which made her stomach angry again, so she unrolled the disposable phone from her wrist and used the screen to look around.

The cavern was long and low, scabbers scuttled out of sight, a few stray roots but not much light hung though the hole she'd found, and the slab below her looked like nothing else she'd ever seen. It went on as far as her screen light could see, traced with panels and huge vaguely oval outlines networked in roots or veins. In places it looked like the surface was made of curled up dead spiders, elsewhere it reminded her of expensive office buildings.

Ten feet away, a bar of light grew brighter and became an opening. From inside she heard, "Please do not throw more humans at me." She lunged, tumbling into dry cold light and piles of dust. "Please excuse the mess. Hello. Thank you. Good day, it is nice to meet you."

She blinked away the bright lights and tried breathing a little bit. Not bad. She wondered what the fuck was going on. "What the fuck is going on?" she asked. The corridor was immense and the lights were harsh, and it made her feel as if a train was going to come along and run her over any second.

"I'm sure I do not know," replied the voice, from nowhere. "I was hoping you might tell me."

"Why, I mean. What, I guess." She stood up, metal grating ran along the corridor edges, and it was all very cold and somehow worse than dirt.

"I have been buried here for quite some time, you see."

○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Sonny let go of the rope and dropped between earth and hull. Wayne and Duke waited, holding up flashlights, and Sonny scoped it out. Looked like some ancient civs billshit missed on the clear, happened all the time. Ritual purposes bullshit. "Well genius," he addressed this to Duke, "You're the one who said she was down here." Sonny gestured to the empty expanse, making sure his widespread arms directed their full attention to the vast quantity of nothing around them. "Where is she?"

Wayne crouched down and pointed at few small indentations around a long stretch of what looked like thin veins. "Trail stopped right here, boss. Check it out." Sonny checked and Wayne held the light close up. Close enough to see the scuffs from the wolf bitch's feet and a wide portion of the alien civs surface carrying markedly less accumulated dirt. "She didn't come this way by accident. Someone let her in. She knew it was here all along."

Duke kicked the surface aimlessly while Sonny ran fingers over what he figured was a sealed trap door. "Workin tech, is it worth anything?"

"Scrap maybe," said Wayne. "Look at this." He took out a pocket knife and jabbed the door, put the blade in half a centimeter. "Maybe some kinda plastic or something, it's tough but worthless. Hell I could cut my way in give or tale a couple hours."

Sonny pounded on the surface, it thumped unsatisfactorily, with no echo. "Come out outta there little mutt, don't make me come get you!" His voice was satisfyingly loud, but failed to echo as well. "Fuck it," he stood up and brushed off his hands on his jeans. "Duke, head back and get safe cracking bag outta the hopper, the big one with the red warning label. We'll blow it open."

● ● ● ● ●

"Show me where your fuel… thingy is."

"My. My 'fuel thingy.'"

"Your gas hole, whatever, I'm not a mechanic-"

"That is inarguable."

"And food, I'm starving and I need… double food. Kilo of calories, like that."

"There are some local arthropods which I permit in my living spaces. There should also be an access hatch in the stern diagnostics chamber. You may follow the current corridor and I will direct you."

"Great, how long will that take?"

"It should be approximately one hour walking distance."

"A what- Listen, I need food, I promise we can bust you out of this mountain and me out of the anus of the territories but I'm running on empty."

"As am I. What is your ingenious plan?"

"Carbon lattice right? We use those too, see? For system crossing."

"That… that is…"

"Diamonds right? You run on diamonds."

"As you say. The structure appears adequate."

"Yeah, so you feed me, I feed you, we get out together."

"It would be possible to fly. But your stature-"

"Let me worry about that."

"The access panel to your left is concealing a small nest of the arthropods."

"Finally, I… Scabbers? You want me to eat scabbers? They eat… septics."

"There are no other consumables aboard."

"Don't you have like rations or something?"

"Turn right. I had such items several million years in the past. Left."

"Left where?"

"No, turn left, go back and turn left. Even if you could eat the food for a Pilot, the consumables decayed some eons before your civilization developed written language, I assume."

"If I throw up and those guys have time to blow a hole in you, I'm gonna be so annoyed."

"That's nice. What a shame it will be to lose your ready wit."

"Mnnmmph. Blggh. Ugh."

"Up the ladder now."

"I think I was better off being shot at."

● ● ● ● ●

She could still taste the scabbers. The shells had an ethanol bitterness that couldn't be escaped, and the meat was oily, its rancid rotten fish and seaweed flavor clinging to the inside of her mouth. "I'm going to need clothes," she said to no one, which apparently was who the freakishly unaccented voice belonged to.

"It was not necessary to utilize them for cleaning purposes, and your cultural attachment to secondary adornment with soulless dross is indicative of your overall weakness as a species."

She could not shake off the smell of the things but she wasn't hungry anymore, and they'd been walking together for awhile. "Hey buddy, that's the longest sentence you said to me."

"Thank you. It is my hope that you may one day find a way to implement your freedom with my guidance."

"I didn't mean it as encouragement." She'd seen more of the inside of what she kept calling a ship, over voice's protests that her crude human language did not include the necessary expression to describe what it was, than she'd seen of the house she grew up in. Even on a fairly direct path she'd gone up several flights of very large, steep stairs, passing through endless halls with bioluminous networks along their edges, and in some places what she was pretty sure were places it used to breathe.

It took awhile to adjust to the harsh red lighting, and what seemed like a huge excess of vaulted ceilings and walkways she could lie across without touching either side. Voice reminded her she was short again. She really needed something to call it. Maybe Clarence, it sounded a little Clarence-like. Nah. "Hey, are we there yet? How long have we been walking?"

"By your time, you have been walking about fifty three minutes. I, however, remain sedentary, and immobile. As we have discussed, and I have reminded you, I am unable to move at the present moment, but find myself keenly aware of your claim to offer aid in this capacity."

"Oh for fucking Luna's breath shut up-"

"Also, you are here. Please turn around and find the handholds to the nearest airlock on my bulkhead."

She turned around. Of course the ladder was built for someone almost twice her size, but she found she could climb it after a little experimenting. "Okay, how do I open it?" The hatch opened and she hauled herself up to the airlock, more giant sized handholds and she reached the outer door.

"When you exit, there should be a series of… well, you should look for oval shapes about eight feet long to the port- Hmm, let's say to what is your right side currently, and then follow three ovals down to the two smaller intakes- Hmm, smaller, deeply indented set of three circles. One of these will have an opening, and you may place the carbon latices into it."

She grimaced, and swallowed a growl over the baby talk. "Just drop them in?"

"As you say. Just drop them in."

"Seems simple enough." The hatch lifted, then parted into four segments, withdrawing into the hull as she climbed out. Her grunts echoed through the cavern, before she realized it was other voices and not am echo.

Squinting showed a couple lights in the distance with two silhouetted figures who had started waving their arms with agitation and shouting. Shouting at her and calling her a bitch.

She dropped down into the airlock as gunshots pinged around the airlock edge.

"Close it, close it close it!"

"Those men are discharging what seem to be crude firearms, even by your species' standards."

"Wow," she said. "I hadn't noticed. Nothing's ever simple."

"That is, in fact, the very nature of the universe itself."

○ ○ ○ ○ ○

"I got the bitch!" crowed Wayne. "You see that? Two shots and she dropped!" He let out a whoop and spun on his boots, blew imaginary smoke off his gun and bowed.

Sonny watched, arms folded. "You didn't got shit, moron. Probably didn't even get up next to her."

"Whatever," Wayne shoved his pistol unceremoniously and unsafely inside his jacket. "I'm gonna go get our diamonds." He started off down the length of the cavern at a jog.

"Sure, you do that," Sonny muttered, returning to inspect the trap door. The material didn't feel like plastic and the closer he looked, the more complicated it seemed to get. He could see dozens of fine lines that made up what could be hidden switches, writing, or ancient civ systems. At some angles it almost looked like it was made of thousands or millions of translucent fibers, drawing his vision miles deep and trying to snare it.

"You'll see!" Wayne was at a good clip, a ways down the echoless dark.

"Sure." Sonnu shook his head and sat back, running his fingers over the smooth, unblemished surface Wayne stabbed an hour ago.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

The woman seems agitated, despite the futile efforts of her pursuers. Their firearms lack accuracy, even at optimal distance, a chemical atmospheric check suggests they utilize a propellant based mechanism which is unlikely to carry any dangerous velocity from their position.

One of them has begun to move across my hull towards this airlock. Without carbon latice, I have no defensive measures, but I know I can delay or disable his progress without difficulty.

"One of your pursuers is moving closer to your position. You should move with all due haste to restore power to my flight system. I do not have antipersonnel measures."

She rubs her shoulder. Subsequent to consuming the arthropod scavengers, her metabolic processes have altered substantially. My initial assessment of her condition indicated probable broken ribs and several lacerations, which are no longer in evidence. My assessment of her injuries may have been incorrect, as her biology is less familiar than the Pilots; media observations suggest injuries of this type can take a very long time to recover.

I can see she is thinking. It takes a very long time. It is dull. I have undertaken as many pre-flignt checks as I can, and I review them. I am still paralyzed, my connection to my own navigation capacity black and empty and dead and lost-

"How many of these air locks do you have? I'm thinking you could distract them, maybe even trip em up."

A very small part of me is proud of her for this suggestion. I crush that part of me. She is not Pilot. Her soul is not strong and her vessel is untested.

"A shockingly insightful suggestion," I praise her. "One which belies your underdeveloped cognitive abilities. There are several other airlocks between your pursuers and this one. Depending on the route the one moving in this direction takes, I may be able to distracted him, or interfere with his balance."

I observed her muscle movements. This race processes a large amount of interpersonal information through body movement. I also collect data from chemical and infrared sensors applied to her pursuers for reference. Her body temperature is markedly higher than either the active or passive pursuer, and she is expressing a significantly higher amount of chemical signatures.

"Okay," she says. "Here's the plan."

I wait patiently for her to outline a plan that is not as inferior to my own ideas as I had expected, but I do not make suggestions.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Wayne was sprinting when a light on his left caught him off guard. One of the trap doors? He careened to a stop and took at shot at the light, missed wide and it closed off rapidly. He had just started running when he saw another trap door open to his right, and he took another shot.

Sonny looked up at the flat snap of gunshots and back down. "Idiot. Those bullets ain't cheap or easy to find. Those are coming outta his share."

Wayne was running more slowly, glancing left and right. He squinted his eyes at another flash of light, and flailed, the ground absent below his foot as his head bounced off an edge that wasn't there a moment ago.

● ● ● ● ●

"I am unclear what part this plays in your plan. My understanding of your biology is that you do not directly obtain nutrients from carbon latices."

She spoke awkwardly around the diamond in her mouth. "I wanna make sure my hands are free. We get you up and outta here, then the rest of these bad boys." She patted her suitcase. "And maybe if they shoot me, I guess you still got some bargaining power."

"Hmm, yes," it said, in a way that delivered a great deal more sarcasm than she felt like those two words merited.

"Whatever. Look, kill the lights, and when I say go, start the distraction and open the outer door." She hung precariously at the outer door with four more diamonds clutched in a hand.

"I believe that I can just about manage," it said.

She rolled her eyes and said, "go," then shoved the other four diamonds in her mouth. The airlock went dark and opened, and she crept out by the dim light of her phone onto the hull.

Crouching low she swiped the light on her disposable phone, and blocked as much of it as she could with her body. Tensed up, waiting for the bullets and then, still alive, she walked as low as she could across the hull, looking for oval shapes. Whatever it was made of didn't reflect much and she couldn't figure on the color. The ovals contained a series of fine, concentric rings, with deep crevices radiating out and between them.

It felt like longer than it took before she reached the smaller indented circles, one filled with lamprey teeth. She spit the diamonds into her hands with exaggerated care. "Just drop them in," she whispered, and let one go. Teeth ringing the intake pulled it in almost faster than she could see. She fed them in one at a time, and the urgency of the fuel intake's gulping maw left her with mixed feelings.

As she crept back to the airlock she could catch a glimpse of Sonny, no sign of Wayne. Sonny was just standing there, which seemed more worrying than hollering and shooting. Below her feet, the hull caught light, then a bit more. She covered her phone and fine rainbow lines continued trickling over the surface on their own. She passed the last oval, paused at a flicker of peripheral movement. A thorn-like shape roughly the length of her arm had risen out of its center.

Dropping into the airlock, outer door slid shut and she climbed the rest of the way. "Easy money," she said. "Take me to your leader."

"That will require substantially more carbon latice, but my drives now have sufficient power to extract my body from this position. We now lack only approximately one additional meter to your stature to aid my navigation."

"It was a joke, you… Do you come programed with jokes?"

"I am not programed with anything, unlike the primitive and soulless calculating devices you rely upon for your crude structured transition."

"So no jokes." She slowly breathed in and out, trying to fill herself full of oxygen like she remembered.

"Your optimistic belief in your own stature is a source of humor enough. I will guide you to the bridge."

"Slowly," she said, breathing steady, feeling heat rise from her lungs and heart, flowing out into her limbs. She'd had to change fast when Sonny's crew tried to jump her. Wastefully fast, a massive and sudden loss of calories. "The slower we do this, the better."

○ ○ ○ ○ ○

"Hey boss!"

Sonny looked up at Duke's voice.

"I got the gear, want me to toss it down?"

"NO, YOU- No, Duke, less you want us both along with a sizeable portion o' real estate blasted into the atmosphere." He rubbed his eyes. "Bring it down with you, carefully, and hand it to me."

"Shit boss, you coulda mentioned." He sounded contrite, but Sonny heard and saw the clattering of dirt from the climb.

"Figured the big warning said Danger High Explosives woulda done it," he muttered. Soon enough Duke emerged from the cavern ceiling and divested a long plastic case, bright red, bearing the aforementioned explosives warning among several others.

"Where's Wayne?"

"Off on a wild mutt chase. I expect he'll be back presently, assuming he didn't get lost or flattened by a falling boulder." Sonny laid the care flat, opened it, and laid out the safe blasting tools. Little polymolecular gel, moldable explosives, curable and directional blast control. All a growing boy needed to blow a quiet need hole around the edge of the heaviest of vaults. Sonny was a firm believer in the precise and judicious application of the largest amount of violent force possible, and it served him well.

"Want me to go look for Wayne?"

"Nope. He's a big boy. Now hush, I need to work." Duke shut. Sonny's predictions served him well in many ways.

In the dark depths of the cave, Duke watched dim flickering lights and movement far away. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Better to leave Sonny to work than risk a reprimand.

● ● ● ● ●

The voice, voice still without a name, she distantly thought maybe she'd name it Carol, after a hated grammar teacher. Still no. It was floating far away. Everything was far and faint, she followed its words automatically, focusing on her feverish blood and burning skin. Her mouth was dry, the moisture was being pulled from the air.

Bracing herself for the transition, the first clean and hot stabs of pain went through her nails, her teeth, then spread up her arms and legs and across her face. Pins and needles feeling if she swapped the numbness for agony.

"Excuse me, but your body temperature appears to be severely abnormal, by my observations of your race and your media. Are you injured, or perhaps dying? You should return to my airlock to load the remaining carbon latices if your are dying."

"I'm not dying," she growled, her neck getting larger, vocal cords warping. "I'm gonna fly us outta here, keep talking." She closed her eyes at the sensation and inescapable sound of her skull and jaws getting longer. Her skeleton several times increased in mass and density. She'd once twisted an entire roll of safety wrap between her hands, and the sound was close to what she felt.

"You have rather an atypical anatomy for your species. Perhaps even unusual. The next stairwell please."

She staggered upwards, readjusting to her twisted legs, longer arms, sharp intersecting teeth. Changing this slowly meant longer agony, and yet it was nothing next to when she changed quickly. She gave up hanging onto her clothes as a lost cause. Her dark hair grew in across her body, and the large, empty corridors felt cramped, too low. Her body was finally, if only briefly, again her own.

"This enough stature for ya, you erudite prick?" she snarled.

"That… is adequate. We are also at the bridge. Hopefully it will take substantially less time and effort for you to grasp navigation than my initial estimates."

She looked around at the large oval room, with complex roots or plumbing dangling from the ceiling, and jagged rocks along the floor. Several readouts flickered in the air, the displays following her eyes unnervingly as she realized they were the walls and low platforms of the bridge lighting up sequentially to act as a kind of optical illusion of projected holographs. "What's the rush?"

"First, I would like to commend your seemingly misplaced confidence. Your stature is now adequate for navigation of my most basic flight capabilities."

"You know for an alien robot you're really good at telegraphing a 'but.'"

"Thank you, and I will overlook the insult. Your language is extremely underdeveloped and inadequate. However, the gentlemen pursuing you appear to have sufficient explosive materiel to damage the integrity of my hull, and may disable the airlock securing mechanisms."

"Oh."

"Quite so. Please secure the T-shaped hanger control, I estimate we have approximately five minutes to prepare."

○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Sonny put the blasting cap in, and the whole cavern floor went out of focus. "The fuck?" He touched the civs with his hand. The surface remained unfocused, while his hand was clear. He couldn't bring it into focus no matter how he squinted. Squinting. The cave was lit like the first glow of dawn, and he could see far down the slightly curved floor.

"Sonny, what's that?" Duke asked, frustrating and vague, but the sound reached Sonny a moment later.

It was almost like a chorus, but not a single same note, all off key, from throats that weren't human. All down the cavern, he could see large thorns rising from the oval shapes, and in places the complex networks of veins carried portions down, carving out deep wedges. He watched dust blowing from the surface and thought "Exhaust vents," but out loud he said, "Oh shit," and snatched the detonator from the safe breaking kit.

Sonny shoved past Duke and started hauling ass up the rope, leaving the other man staring, held in stasis by the inhuman chorus and the hypnotic trails of light which had started swimming throug the fog of the floor. Or maybe, Sonny thought, the hull of one big gods cursed ship. Bigger than anything he ever saw.

"That's illegal," he said, genuinely outraged, but too busy climbing to care.

● ● ● ● ●

The werewolf girl stood in the center of a network of what looked to her like vines, muscles, electric wiring, or tree roots. She dug her toes and claws awkwardly at the ridges in the floor, as best she could according to the voice. Several of the heavy strands seemed to include nearly invisible slides or switches, and the bridge fully lit up with navigation information which intruded painfully into her eyes. It somehow seemed to know her whole field of vision, and even in periphery forced information into her optics.

"I think I've got it." She shifted slightly and watched peripheral readouts tremble with even the smallest change. She flexed one foot and in response was flooded with detailed information about the composition of the mountain and atmosphere, along with launch vector diagrams and system integration details, or structure interface as it insisted on saying. She'd learned more about her home planet's interstellar position in the last five minutes than her entire life. "I'm ready."

"Optimistically speaking, I would not call you ready, or even amateurish. However, there is a nonzero chance you will successfully navigate. You have done extremely well with your limited capabilities."

"We can run through it again." She tested the T-bar, then the stabilizers for the eight time. The basics didn't seem worse than a hopper, she figured she could make it work.

"I suspect you are familiar with this feeling, but I nevertheless must inform you that you are incorrect. Your pursuers appear to have completed the majority of their task setting explosives. As your species is fond of saying, it is 'do or die.'"

Flicking the engine start and lift sequence, she said. "Don't tell me twice. If we don't make it, I just want you to know that meeting you sucked and I've hated it."

"I, too, am eager for oblivion. Please, try not to forget."

● ● ● ● ●

"Try not to forget."

She felt like she'd lived a lifetime since getting out of Retrock, even though it'd only been maybe five years. It felt like forever since she sat on the uncomfortable benches at the school bus stop, waiting for her mom. It was a systems day, and she wasn't supposed to be in those classes.

Most of the settled planets were, like, at best distantly tolerant of werewolves, or lycanthropes or shifters or whatever. No one ever figured out how to break the werewolf systems, just somehow boosted up resilience and diversity. Now all the systems and sometimes specific planets had unique werewolves. The cruddy little country she lived in, The Unified Eastquad Block, on the cruddy little planet Nevamil took a significantly more conservative approach. They opined that werewolves could be gradually eliminated by simple attrition, so long as they were not allowed to breed or leave the country, nor the planet. To that end, they'd also banned teaching systems to werewolves.

It wasn't working as planned. She fiddled with the white bracelet on her wrist. Her mom was late of course. "Try not to forget." Of course she had.

Her family wasn't too thrilled since her diagnosis. Unlike when her mom caught her in her older sister's dresses, they couldn't beat the werewolf out of her. Not that it stopped anyone trying.

Some older kids either skipping or out of senior classes wandered by, talking some bullshit about best kit for a video game. She tried not to be seen and covered up her band. They passed her by. She relaxed for a moment but their voices got low and they all stopped, turned around.

One big kid, senior for sure, shaded her from the sun. "Sup," he said.

She muttered noncommittally.

He glanced at the four others behind him. "Hey," he said. "Speak up, mutt. I asked what's up."

She looked closely at her hands and said, "nothing."

"Yeah? Little baby wolf all alone with nothing to do?" One of the kids snickered at "baby wolf." She shrugged.

He shoved at her, hard, and she grabbed the table to stop from falling over. "Heard you're a little sissy baby wolf, that true?"

She wasn't sure what that even meant, but it sounded bad. "No!"

"Yeah." The other kids had got around her now. "Yeah you are. You know what? I think trash like you should go in the garbage. What do you think?" She didn't get a chance to answer because the other kids were shoving her, agreeing they oughta throw her in the trash.

She was trying to shout that she was only waiting for her mom, but her body traitorously refused to form words and her eyes spilled out tears and she didn't know why.

"Grab her," the older boy said. And she, just. Just swung at him.

She remembered that first pain so well. She was on blockers that were supposed to prevent it. Then there was a scream, and the boy had blood on his face.

She had claws and teeth and not much else and it all was boiling agony. Then someone threw her off the bench, and the kids began punching and kicking her. She hadn't gotten as good at protecting her head but they at least didn't try to shove her in the trashcan by the door. Just spit on her and swore she was going to get put down.

She'd wanted to run that day, but she didn't. She wished she had.

● ● ● ● ●

The temp and spin readouts hit what looked like the threshold. She squeezed her eyes shut for a minute then opened them, banishing a half formed promise against the lonely dark.

One sure thing, she wasn't ever coming back to Retrock, not for a hundred thousand diamonds or all the world. She dug in and put power into space flight deflectors. The cavern started crumbling around them, pushed away from the hull. With a twist of her body, the structure field came up. The ship's unique structure found the places to interface with the local structure and the bridge came alive with a tangle of fractal ghosts overhead.

"Power up, shields up, system up."

"Structure. Your primitive-"

"Sit down, shut up, strap in, and hold on." She punched power to the engines and watched the world explode around them. Nothing but rocky chaos and then, there. Green blue sky, sleet, and thousands of feet between them and a collapsing mountain.

For the moment, they were free.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

I am free. Delirious, impossible and free in my entirety. I shrug off the detritus of my imprisonment and it joins the filthy slush boiling off deflectors. I taste the stars again, countless structures in waiting array, wrapped and woven together. This sky and world, this structure rolls across me, and I spread across it, feeling the planet anew.

Memories come back with my senses and for a moment I can imagine myself leaping past the atmosphere, continental landmass once more eagerly waiting for my implementation of their advancement. In my excitement, I must catch myself before I ask the girl, but no, she is not Pilot, and no more significant than the bacteria I watched flicker and die. She is my aid and my tool, for now.

But oh, the freedom of the sky is a delight. I suppose I may allow some small appreciation of this crude morphic-structure bearing girl for how far she has exceeded my most optimistic expectations of this civilization. I accept this, that I may appreciate how lucky for her to have such a beautiful soul in so complex a vessel, and moreover that she has had the great fortune to encounter myself, who may extract some tiny fraction of meaningful use out of her existence.

But enough of all this. I have allowed myself a luxurious hundred milliseconds, give or take, to revel in the return of my sky.

"There is a high volume of intersecting transmissions on different frequencies which I am decoding."

"That's a- amazing- uh, oof. This thing steers like a truck."

"I am not a truck, but it is possible that is the nearest approximation to your method of navigation. However, we may need to maneuver with increased haste, to avoid immediate air traffic."

"Fuck, uh yeah gee that sounds great. Ack- Sorry that was me. So how do I land?"

"I do not land under optimal conditions. Please utilize the collision monitor and eye twitch avoidance while I determine an optimal site to effect additional fueling and minor repair."

"What twitch? Where? You didn't-"

"Sight seven, and the toggle on flex system seven, third down. Please stand by."

□ □ □ □ □

Serah flicked from screen to screen, bored. Sweet fuck all was the major import-export for Nevamil, and there was about the same amount to do at the cross system check point. She'd read the ship specs manual back to front and longed for the day she might actually talk to anyone from a real planet. Some colonies made her wish she'd gone into crystal mesh, but it gave her migraines.

A couple switches buzzed and one of the monitors flickered white. She clicked off the buzzers and smacked the bevel on the monitor, but it didn't flick back to normal. "Who the fuck…?" she asked, to no one else, rhetorically, and not bothering to finish. Several readouts were pinned in the red, and three of the measures of radiant energy were giving error messages.

She shoved papers to the floor and called down, "This is- uh." She looked to the metal plaque above the monitors. "This is Check alpha alpha alpha zero one one one nine, I'm showing a major spike of- something? About fifty kilometers northwest of Retrock, possibly around Mount Rosewood. Someone come back?"

Serah started dialing back sensitivity, usually cranked up just to keep tabs on the few interplanetary launch ports. Her monitors and readouts came down, though the errors stayed, and something resolved on screen. She squinted. It didn't match any specs she remembered. Or… anything. "No way," she said. "No fuckin way."

She started grabbing data snapshots, tuned three other monitors into the anomaly, recording everything. It didn't look like a ship, it didn't look like it was designed for being in the air, it looked like a fucked up flying coral reef several kilometers long, putting out more energy than the whole wretched planet.

"That…" She pulled open a file cabinet to grab a binder of regulations she didn't usually need to check, mostly pertaining to treaties across the totality of human occupied space. She flipped pages muttering. "I think that's illegal."

● ● ● ● ●

The ship jumped and fell, and she nearly lost her footing. Theoretically she assumed gravity or inertia must affect it in some way, but she couldn't guess how.

She caught another transport train oncoming and flinched, the ship lurched out of the way and between the ship and eating a garbage crab she wasn't feeling great. "Hey, um. Ugh. You- voice, person, have we got a way to land yet?"

"One moment. Thank you, after reviewing the broadcasts and networking available, I have located an optimal site. This will require some structural navigation, and you will need to follow my instructions carefully."

"Oh is that all, well bring it on. And by the way, I need something to call you, this is awkward."

"Yes, it is. Please rotate the lower pyramid to orient structure overlay and remapping. Stop, good. Dials two and seven on main decision tree, adjust separately until reader three flashes alignment points in tandem, this will signal adequate structure navigation."

"Any time now."

"I would prefer that you do not immediately crash my vessel as your first major navigation experience. Good. Alignment adequate, toggle nerve seven on secondary decision tree, then nerves three and five until structure drive confirms- There, that wasn't so difficult."

"Okay can we go?"

"You should have multiple navigation vectors presented on your primary monitor. Please ensure you stay within these vectors. It will not kill me if you do not, but it could potentially injure or kill you. I am less certain about the physical capabilities of your present vessel. You may now trigger high acceleration along these vectors."

She kicked the drives hard, and felt her ears pop, sensed the ship under some enormous pressure, and held to the vectors with all her strength.

□ □ □ □ □

Every alarm in the check point went off at the same time. Serah staggered around the cramped monitor room, shutting them all down until it was just her screaming angrily in a silent room. She flopped back into the worn ergonomic chair and checked the alarm codes.

Illegal system exit, illegal system entry, ship operating without transponder, unrecognized transponder, unrecognized vessel, failure to halt for inspection, illegal energy signature, unidentified system signature…

It was a long list, but what it meant wasn't complicated. Her monitors were black, no more error messages. Whatever it was, whatever it wanted, it was out now. It had escaped.

● ● ● ● ●

Any port in Earth territories was sure to have a place to get cheap food, cheap stimulants, and into trouble. Only a certain type of cafe served the latter, but she'd been through enough of them on Nevamil to know the look. She was tucked as far back into the corner of a dirty plastic booth as she could fit, spinning her latest disposable phone around in lazy circles and ignoring her coffee. She'd changed out one of the diamonds, scrounged up clothes and some nicer boots, figured she wasn't retiring on spaceship food after all, but one or two of em might at least get to work for her.

It wasn't much to speak of, which was the point, couple booths, cheap plastic tables and chairs, seating for ten if they were lucky, food only on a technicality. The place wasn't there to make money as much as it was to collect bad ideas. She was looking for a specific kind and he showed up after her third coffee went cold. Some twitchy dark matter math wizard maybe, one of those guys way too deep in the calculations of what they couldn't see that they were in a constant state of shock and flight response over the tangible calculated existence of known reality.

She slid into the chair on the other side of the table and put the coffee next to the guy's tablet. He was all deep dark eyesockets and glitchy, mimetic fabric on an ankle length coat. He looked like he hadn't slept in days but it was probably longer, these guys liked to throw their consciousness into distant space and leave it there while their bodies walked around unattended. Stims usually helped. "Whatcha got for me," she said.

"Whatcha need, whatcha need." His fingers bounced off the mug a couple times before finding it, he slurped and didn't exactly focus on her but both of his eyes pointed back into the same direction. "Hmm, little wolf girl huh. Ain't seen one a uh… whatcha need hmm?"

"Need something flashy, sparkles and stones, y'know? I heard this port's where to find em, and you're the one to ask." It wasn't completely a lie, but it was at best only distantly familiar with the truth.

He took in a deep breath through the nose, nodding in tune with a rhythm of his own design. "Mmm, mmm, crystals for the wolf, neh?" Slurp. "Whacher route, what kinda works?"

This was the moment of found truth for whatever esoteric calculations had gone into their flight out of the mountain. Diamonds were easy to find, everywhere had at least one shop growing em. But nearly a hundred percent went to system mesh or navigation, not exactly an open access free for all. She gave a silent prayer to Luna and said, "Solo, dine and dash."

His brows came together, lips quirked up and down while his eyes sunk out of sight. One hand tapped the tablet rapid fire. Slurp. "Difficult," he said, some endless twenty seconds later.

She leaned back and drummed fingers. "Big ask, fair. If you don't got it, no harm." She pushed the chair back and made to stand, but he held a hand out, waggling it.

"Bide a minute. Difficult, not impossible." He put both hands on the coffee cup and tilted the rest down his gullet in a long swig. "Girl like you, resourceful I think. Not many wolf girls turn up off planet, neh? Your kind, mmm, has a… nose for trouble. Ahum, hmm hmm."

Once she realized he was laughing at his own joke, she gave him her best effort at a smile. "As you say."

"So and such. I need work done. A favor then, do this thing for me, I will get a line for the shine and dine and dash." He'd summoned a token on his tablet and was partitioning memory collapsing sigils around it. Flattened it to a shareable folder and looked to her expectantly.

She unrolled the phone and he flicked it over to her screen, where she could frown at it more directly. "Do I want to know?"

"Fret not, it is a new set of coordinates I am in the process of measuring, some fascinating effects on gravity… mm, no matter. It is inconvenient for me to return for this data. I only need you to convince a friend to, hmm… run it to ground. He may need motivation, ahmmm, I trust your instincts in this."

"Motivation, huh." She stood up. "Just one favor and we're square, you find me a nice juicy lamb."

He chuckled wetly again, "As you say. Of course, this is just between us. I would not like to have to return for you." His black sockets glittered and his eyes focused on her for a second while his pale lips pulled back from sickly teeth.

She slapped her phone around her wrist. "Seems easy enough." She knew it was a damn lie but she said it anyway.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

I feel more power coursing through me than I have felt in several million years. The girl had promised more, much more, and I wonder again at what might be within her grasp.

Even this is barely a flicker of what I am capable of, but I cling to this new freedom with a greed and even hope which disgusts me. Both elated and revolted that I am reduced to this sickening gratitude. She has been gone for several hours and I contemplate the probability of her returning.

She took me to the sky, and to the stars. With a great deal of assistance, this is true, but a will that I did not previously estimate her civilization could produce. She dared to occupy the space of Pilot, and we have lived to meditate on this exhilarating heresy. She is on the primitive satellite now, and has promised to return, but she has been away from my safety for several hours.

I examine my memory of her occupation of the Pilot space. It seems possible that I may make better use of her than I suspected. She may have a place in my structure. Her ability to change structure is interesting, common enough yet the mode of operation is unusual. I will have to collect more data. I examine my memory of when we dropped from the structure tangle within safe distance to the satellite.

She expressed disbelief, then joy, as if she was the one who had flown free of her prison of millions of years. To me, this is nothing. Her joy is a mote of dust against the starscape of the universe. Her planet, bare rock unworthy of my implementation. And yet she made much of these, as if I had shown her how to reach across the universe and string the stars together as a bracelet.

Perhaps to her that is what it means to have even this narrow sliver of freedom. Perhaps she can, as she has promised, make me "good as new." Then I will show her freedom. I hope she returns soon, it has been several hours.

● ● ● ● ●

"Which way is the ground- which way is the planet. Wait. Where the fuck are we?"

"Based on network traffic and my calculations, we should be within range of Coyote Moon Station 6."

"Coyote… do you got windows on this thing?"

"I can offer several alternatives, but not only is the data afforded from the spectrum of light visible to your species vastly inferior to the instruments at hand, your capacity to interpret this minimal fraction of available input is-"

"Whatever I get it, I suck, just. I want to see the stars. With my own eyes, or close as I can get."

"That is��� a feasible request. One moment please."

"Thanks…"

"You should now have direct visibility of the surroundings. I have adjusted this chamber temporarily to an outer position."

"…"

"Are you injured, or in distress? Some of your civilization are prone to a psychological phenomenon when-"

"I'm fine. I'm better than fine. I'm… free."

"I would not describe our circumstances as freedom, with the current limitations on my structure drive and main engines, I am at only a small percentage of full function."

"For someone that makes a big deal about it, that soul of yours sure ain't got no poetry."

"No p… I beg your pardon."

"I spent my life on that shithole planet. You spent, I don't know how long. Look out there. The stars. I don't even know where Coyote Moon is! Never heard of it! And I don't know where we go or what we do next."

"I will assist you in the navigation process to Station 6."

"That's not what I mean! Don't you care it all after a million billion years and a lifetime - we're finally out here, not down there! Look around you for fuck's sake."

"… It is… good to be in the stars."

"Thank you. All I ask. Now how are we getting an unregistered ship like you through customs?"

"I will explain while you practice docking navigation."

● ● ● ● ●

It felt like wandering through someone's apartment building, she couldn't get past that feeling. Overhead fluorescent flicker, no windows but every once in awhile a brightly lit bauble of art someone must've bought by the pound. A lot of the same sets of prefab plastic panels, though it'd been awhile since she saw any such facades over the bare metal walls.

The walkways were dirtier, on both sides of the path for electric bikes. No trace anywhere of litter, but it'd been decades since anyone tried to clean the infinite variety of human scuff marks on the walkway. More of the shops here were shuttered, either closed outright or not the kind of place you got in without an appointment and several scans from the security cameras. The walls around them had once been painted with an enormous mural of an unfamiliar sky, Coyote Moon's, presumably. It was faded badly, scraped away or graffitied over, overdrawn optimism still clinging to life down here.

She found the door she was looking for between an SST bank machine and something whose sign advertised it as Titan Mart. Rapped on the blacked out plastic door that said "Speed-E-Nav" in small gold letters, and waited out the effortful grinding of several CCTV cameras evaluating her and her depressing lack of concealed weapons. She had a full stomach which was all the weapon she needed if it came to that. The door clacked as a buzzer sounded, and she pushed her way inside through an overly enthusiastic electronic chime.

"Welcome, discerning customer," a chunky woman with deep dark skin and a shaved head sat before a hundred blinking computers of some sort. She didn't know a huge amount about them, but it looked regal. "Your need is our speed, what can we process today, miss…?" The woman's smile was very wide, and a dozen metal bracelets chimed musically together on her wrists. They smelled like ozone.

"It's not for me," she said, and pulled the folder up on her phone. "Recognize that?"

The woman leaned forward and moments later her smile dropped. "Yeah, I know it. What's he after this time?" She thumped back in her chair and waved the girl closer, unclipping a bracelet. "Show me what you got there."

She handed over the phone and the woman clicked her bracelet up to the charge points. "Didn't say, didn't ask, didn't get any names, not interested in sharing them. He just wants it run fast and I needed a favor."

The woman didn't give any indication she was listening, she just tweezed the folder out and held it up on the bracelet, which wasn't something the girl had seen done before, or was even aware was possible. She tried not to stare like a tourist.

The woman turned the glittering data this way and that before setting it in a glass plate. "Three weeks. Because he's a good customer and you look like a nice girl."

"I was… hoping for something faster."

"Hah! Good luck, you think these are what… pretty lights for show and tell? I got thirty strings beaded and twined and another eight in composite, and that's on external cooled q-square 26 CPUs. I know that boy, he's got a big mouth but no bite. Always talking about the big deal math he's writing but who's he come to when he needs the formulae run? Me. Maybe 19 days if I don't burn through another back gen."

The girl worked her fingers a little and unclenched her jaw. "Maybe I can do something for you. Something to free up some of the… the squares?"

She laughed a minute and sighed. "Oh thanks. Free up the squares. Well," she scanned the shelves stacked up with an array of mystifying metal boxes, wires, and clear glass cylinders. "Okay, I see your meaning. I suppose a little upgrade couldn't hurt if you think you're up to a little legwork."

The woman pulled a slim black box with vents along the side and a couple short wires trailing out of it, and handed it to the girl. She looked at it. "I suppose this is pretty legal."

"Of course it is, honey. Now, I know someone who owes me a favor…"

The werewolf girl sighed internally. Nothing was ever easy.

□ □ □ □ □

It took the better part of six hours for Serah to catalog the ship that had crashed through the system interchange, and it was a lot of guess work. The system drive geometry and mesh was, as far as she could tell, not only unique but carried a particle/wave divergence that her rinky dinky instruments couldn't measure. Which probably meant someone missed civs in the sweep, like always, which normally meant a paperwork nightmare.

Normally, but chances were good she'd at least get someone to talk to from closer to a real planet, maybe even they'd let her sneak some better games n stories ove4 the link. However, it was the deep ping snapshots that gave her pause. She chewed the end of the stylus before adding tags for review to the internal profile to assess for the possibility of unilateral treaty violations under orbital mass extermination threats.

She fired the report off, through the beacon to some generic hub of bureaucracy, presumably to be reviewed after week or three, then went to flop back in her cot and play through Gone Dream 6 for the tenth time. Five minutes later the incoming vessel alert chimed.

Serah staggered over to the screens, it was high priority but normal at least. "The fuck… What did I do to deserve a day like this?" It was Interdiction, from the Inner System feds? Didn't usually get those? Her heart sank as the manta shaped black vessel dropped from system flight and integrated itself into her beacon's region.

The good news was she wasn't in tqrouble for flagging the treaty violations. The bad news was they were showing up in person, which meant no games and no gossip.

● ● ● ● ●

The satellite was warmer a couple floors down, greener too, with algae, with hanging vines along a wire grating overhead, grating along the floor. Even with the new and sturdy boots she had to move with care to avoid slipping.

She wouldn't call it habitable, but every few blocks turned up a cluster of shops or houses, rarely one near the other. The lighting such as there could be was dim, most of the plastic over the fixtures fogged and darkened with fungus of some type. It reeked of mildew, and the place she was looking for wasn't shuttered, merely obscured by a thick tangle of vines on one side and red, waxy leaves on the other. She parted both with folded hands and was greeted by yelling.

"No power! No business today, all closed, fuck off!" He was draped in camouflage and heavy black gloves, along with welding goggles. "I don't care what you want, come back tomorrow! No, next month! Or kill yourself, that's the ticket!" He shook a sheaf of something halfway between a vine and a power cable, sweeping a dozen thick plastic beakers from the counter. The floor was covered in plastic confetti and dozens of insulated rods and tools were hung along the walls.

"I need your help with this." She slipped the black device out of her pocket, holding it towards the camouflaged gentleman.

"Hmmmm?" He leaned far over what she assumed was a desk underneath a massive pile of vine wiring and plastic cards with diagrams, peered at it, as if he could see through the blacked out goggles. "Well, I see whatchu got there, shoulds said before." Despite the gloves, he pried open the casing nimbly enough, revealing a sheaf of glittering cards nestled in wires. "Beautiful work as ever my darling."

He sighed and closed it up. "Wish I could help ya out girlie, nothing like a favor for ol' Speedy, but all my crystals are spoke for and no telling when the vat'll be up n running again." He pulled a couple wires aside revealing an ancient copper and glass crystal forge, current dark with a half dozen diamonds on the drying rack.

Her fingers twitched inadvertantly but she forced herself to hold steady. She had the unpleasant sense of being followed by multiple pairs of eyes. "So," she said carefully. "If I were to get someone to hook your power back up, you could… part with a few of those for, uh. For Speedy."

"Good fuckin luck if you try! But sure, I'll get her the hookup if you get mine, for old times sake."

She sighed. "Okay, I'll be back." And pushed back out from whatever kind of unlicensed crystal mesh lab the guy was running, flipping her phone off her wrist.

Under most circumstances she'd be off on a long walk to the nearest paperview map hub, but parting with some rocket food meant she got to splurge on a nicer disposable than usual. She sat with her legs sprawled across the scooter path and her ass getting soaked through her pants while she poked around and through the station service maps til she found what she wanted. Just the basic license filings, nothing but the business name and address.

"Like working any other job," she sighed, brushing her soaked hair over her ears and wiping away sweat. Dreary trudging her way through cross referencing and addresses on the tiny fucking screen, she half considered going a few floor back for a paperview after all, and was getting well into three quarters considering, four options trashed, when she got the hit she wanted.

Local to the hydroponics floor, zero reviews posted, but looked like it had been registered for a few years and wasn't closed. She dragged the address to her map screen and slapped her phone back on, standing, pulling her shirt off her chest and back in hopes to air out the sweat. Cut & Dry: Power, Wiring, and Botany.

● ● ● ● ●

She half considered grabbing a bike on the way down to Cut & Dry, but discarded the idea after a minute of thought. She didn't like her movements recorded, no that wasn't fair, she'd probably been tracked by thirty different CCTVs on this level alone. She didn't want to spend money on one, true. Also she didn't see anywhere to rent them.

The sign for Cut & Dry blinked in neon: Electronics. Botany. It went back and forth and she noticed on the way in the neon was bioluminous vines. Inside the shop was a veritable rainforest, with no sign of any floor or walls amidst the plants. Aside from what seemed to her far too much trickling water for a wiring and electrical engineering joint, it was remarkably quiet. Even the background station noise didn't make it through the plants. She looked a little closer at what she thought was a small tree only to discover a woven strand of branches and black wires. It seemed the whole little room was a dense illusion, life and electricity tied into one another.

A soft voice too close to her ear made her jump. "What do you think- OW!" She whipped her head around and saw a dryad piled up against one of the plants, rubbing his forehead.

Realizing her arm was still raised for another blow, she lowered it, and said, "Sorry. Most people can't sneak up on me."

The dryad, to his credit, only half flinched when she reached out to help him up. "Well," he said, "You were rather engrossed. Perhaps I should be proud." He touched his cheek and winced. "Oh, that's going to be a bruised spot."

"I'm really sorry. Um, can we start over? Hi, I need some electrical work done."

He flashed a brief smile, bright white teeth against faintly glistening brown skin. He seemed to favor mesh shirts and leather pants, which she supposed made sense for a minor plant deity. "I'm Sy," he said. "I'm your guy. I mean… it's like a, uh. It's a thing, I'm trying to make it a thing. Sy's Your Guy, at Cut & Dry. Right?" He waved one hand side to side.

"Sure, sounds catchy. Listen, you do house calls? Kinda in a rush here. Um, I mean that's great? Are you free though?"

Sy frowned. "You don't like it. Uh, free… that's kind of abstract for me, could you narrow it down?"

She briefly skipped past thinking she'd like to see his smile again. Down girl. "Okay well there's this guy, I think, I don't know. He likes camouflage and he grows crystals."

"Oh sure. That's Chris. It's Chris' Crystals."

"Are you fucking with me right now?"

His brows drew together in confusion. "No? Why?"

She suppressed thoughts about what was the point of traveling across earth space if people were the same everywhere. "Well, he's had an outage or something and I'm in a jam."

"Hmm, I'll need my plant." He tapped one finger against his lips, his fingernails were pale green.

She looked around the room. "Yeah. Uh huh. Well, anyway, I kinda need this like, today. Any chance you could hook up Chris Crystalferson up with some juice?"

His eyes went wide. "Juice, oh no, but I can get his power back up I think." He began collecting a series of cables and heavy clips and other tools she didn't recognize and couldn't figure out how they'd been hidden within the plants. As a final step, he held out an arm, and one of the larger plants, more of a baby tree, slithered across his back and arms, allowing him to rest a multitude of coiled wires and racks of fuses and breakers on their branches.

"Neat trick," she said. "I take it that's your, what your tree?"

"That's us!" He smiled again. She felt less annoyed. "No tricks involved! Let's go."

"I didn't… sure, let's go."

They headed back towards the crystal mesh lab. "How do you know Chris anyway?"

"Uh… through Speedy?"

"Who's that?"

She sighed internally.

● ● ● ● ●

"Amazing job, kiddo!" Chris clapped one heavily gloved hand onto Sy's shoulder. The whole interior was aglow with the crystal tanks and pressure / temperature readouts blinked in pale blue digital light along the walls, waiting for Chris to kick their jets on. He turned to the girl. "I don't know where you dug this guy up, but he's a miracle worker!"

"I come here like twice a month," Sy tried to say, but not loudly.

"Yeah the kid's great, so about the doohickey there?"

"The d-" Chris shook his head. "You're lucky you caught me in a good mood, here here," he snapped his fingers and she passed it over. Sy watched in rapt fascination while Chris opened the case again, and began hooking two of the diamonds into the wire nest, each wire finding a precise position on a diamond facet.

"Are those particle wave flash CPUs?"

"Mmm. A double-g stack, and these babies here are gonna interface the flash to system and back. Chain's gotta be perfect and then," he snapped the black case shut. "Well then you can figure the trajectory across damn near half the universe, or predict the weather on Venus or whatever!" He handed the box over. "Tell Speedy come by herself next time. No more favors."

"Tell her yourself, try picking up a phone."

"Phone! Hah! Good one. As if. Fuck off, work to do."

And off she fucked, with Sy following.

"What are you doing," she asked.

"I'm following you," he said, plainly.

"But," she said, "why are you doing it, Chris paid you, what's the deal?"

"I want to meet Speedy and see her gear."

She held up a finger trying to pluck from the sky a good way to curse him out, but his dark red irises were distracting. "I… Okay, but," she pointed for emphasis. "I'm not responsible if you get shot."

"Gosh, I sure hope not."

She reconsidered her options while they made their way up another level.

● ● ● ● ●

"Wow," Sy said, as they approached Speedy's place. "And you flew it here all by yourself?"

"It was better than crashing or getting blown up." His eyes were very large. "What?" She stopped at Speedy's door. "What?"

"You said it was damaged."

"I guess, its mouth works fine. What is that look for?"

"Just, it sounds like an interesting ship, lots of interesting work to do, lots to see."

"If I let you see the ship, can you promise not to talk the whole time we're inside?"

Sy clamped his mouth shut.

● ● ● ● ●

The pavilion of cafes and parts stores fuel vouchers was a little bit wider, the ceiling a little bit taller, just enough to almost feel airy after the cramped pathways and hydroponics level. She'd known in theory what stations were like, but it still gave her low level anxiety after a whole life below a sky. There was no sky here, and above the ceiling was plastic and metal and then space.

She was tired and her stomach gurgled again at the many different scents from the various fast food stalls and open air griddles briefly wafted her way before getting sucked away by the air filter.

"Okay," she said. "I'm fucking starving and for once I don't have to be. Uh. That one." She pointed at random and they wandered over to a three wheeled electric bike with a large set of hot plates on the back, watching an older man who reminded her of the more tenacious aged trees at home spreading batter across the surface then deftly flip it, all using some sort of L-shaped plastic stick.

She ordered based on scent with no idea what the pale, meaty chunks and tangy tart smelling slivers were made of, some of the red-black local greens in there and he wrapped the whole thing into a cone before drizzling three different sauces over the top. Sy got his own mix and she flicked some cash over from her phone.

It was hot and tasted something like a sky or an ocean, half sweet half stringy. The crunch was both bitter and tangy, and then the spice hit, watering her eyes. She fanned her mouth with one hand, devouring the whole contraption in orgiastic delight. "Food is so good," she said through a full mouth, and Sy nodded, wiping sauce from his chin.

Not far from the pavillion, they came to her dock. "Okay," she said again, Sy nodding. "I gotta sort my business out, but you can poke around. Don't touch anything. Unless the ship says so. But it probably won't, I don't think it likes earthlings much."

"Right, no touching. Actually a pretty good rule for civs electrical safety." He was grinning, and her cheeks were a little warm.

"Yeah. Well, this… you'll see." The airlock cycled open and they passed through, the ship's door splitting and retracting on the other side for their entry.

"Oh great," it said. "Now there's two of you."

■ ■ ■ ■ ■

"I believe that you have something close to the most basic, rudimentary grasp of my docking procedure. We may now make an approach to the station to aquire carbon latices."

"Cool, cool cool. So, you got any cash?"

"I beg your pardon."

"Credit, cash, moolah, bread, dough, do you have any kind of money? Or I don't know super secret hacker tricks to steal bank accounts?"

"You have misunderstood with predictable rapidity. I had hoped you would take the opportunity to express your sincere contrition for asking a question you surely must already know the answer to."

"Okay, well, my point is I'm probably not picking up a four course diamond dinner for you through legitimate routes, and it's just me also. Do ya see what I'm getting at?"

"You have painted a vivid portrait of absolute nonsense?"

"What?"

"No, what are you 'getting at?'"

"That probably we're going to leave in a hurry, because I don't think I can set up a clean game by myself. So it's gonna be like a quick and dirty grab, lunch to go."

"You believe that the acquisition process will incur pursuit, and necessitate urgent departure and immediate structure vectors."

"I wouldn't have said it like that-"

"Agreed."

"-but can you set that up? We'll want to kick out as soon as we can after I hit the airlock."

"Feasible. I will require the remaining latices as well."

"You'll get most of them, but I need to grab some gear and these are all we got. At least for now."

"Feasible. I will be able to remain in standby for structure entanglement for a short period after we dock, approximate one thousand years by your measure."

"I cannot tell if you're joking, I swear on Luna's breath."

"You should have adequate time to obtain the additional resources, so long the remaining latices are provided to me as priority."

"You'll get your treats, don't worry."

"I understand this may be one of the jokes you often reference. May I suggest you do not make these your primary occupation?"

"Duly noted. Okay, I'll get you gassed up. I hope I don't have to run down a bunch of favors just to find a good lead on diamonds."

● ● ● ● ●

She folded the maglev line schedule over itself again, watching for the arrival lights inside the partial cover of the kiosk. She'd polished off some kind of vegetarian pastry and a burger with a side of wings and her stomach felt strained. Walking around the station had been a good way to pick up what kind of clothes didn't stand out and she was wearing the cheapest version of them she could find, a red shirt with some doughnut shaped cartoon characters on it, which she saw a bunch of kids wearing, and blue shorts with white stripes on the legs. Left her boots back at the ship and was wearing some kind of extra-janky plastic sandals she'd seen around, plus a zippered little bag around her waist which she kind of liked. A fashion plate of generic anonymity, that was the goal.

According to the deep spacer, this was a high probability site of lowered caution and raised vulnerability, expected to see passage of diamonds in transit. It hadn't looked that difficult to her, watching his fingers play along his tablet finding something like the volume she was looking for and a good spot she could hit the transport. There was a little chime and the display promised a line arrival in five minutes. She folded the schedule into the waistband of her shorts and shuffled around like all the other commuters, letting their jostles push her near to the rail exit. The escalator lowered from the maglev linecars and passengers started exiting the down the line, people moving around her while the boarding escalator came down a bit further up the line. She vibed her way down stream, again letting the various tourists trying to get on board spin her this way and that, passing around them, rolling and twisting to make herself as invisible as possible to their tunnel vision.

She could have spotted her target miles away. The bulky, unfashionable gray suit barely concealing whatever body armor and heat the guy was packing. Fuzzy edged face holographs, probably armored there too. Good odds it was optimized to disperse piercing attempts and heat, maybe light impact protection. Some secure carriers used automatons, but these guys didnt move loke that. Couldn't conceal the case which was encouragingly large. Two other guys front and back flanked him on the way out. Overall, perfect for anyone avoiding real attention from the general public, abysmal concealment from someone who knew what to look for. Someone who was about to generate a rather large amount of attention.

She took a deep breath.

Pointing up the line, she shouted in her highest pitched voice, "Oh my gods what's that girl doing?!" and dove down the line, ducking into the crowd. Superheated air blasted from her body, her clothes burst into tatters, and she shifted hard. A howling monstrosity of teeth and claws with fur thick enough to stop a knife burst from the fertile concealed mass of humanity and leapt twelve meters off the ground, landing on the escalator next to the men in gray.

One got off a shot, something big and explosive put a hole through her shoulder, which started closing up before the exit wound blew out. She bit down on his arm, brought her teeth together, didn't sever anything but felt bones break and he screamed through a vocal distorter. He'd live but wasn't going to bother her. The second man was slower. She grabbed the gun he was trying to get out, along with the hand it was in, and pulled.

He sailed past her, to somewhere that wasn't her problem. Two down. The guy with the case was ggetting crushed against then side of the escalator in the ensuing panic all around them both. She tried to jerk the case out of his hand but it came up short. Handcuffed on. She snarled, ropes of drool falling out of her maw. "We're going for a ride," she informed him, wrapped both clawed hands around the case, and backflipped off the escalator.

Landed, case and carrier in tow, though to her eye he'd broken one or two limbs. Another gunshot, just winged the edge of her ribs. She grabbed arm and case, snapped the cuff links and probably broke his wrist, then threw his body towards the gray man who was trying to aim around commuters trying to avoid being shot. They embraced as lovers, she left them to privacy and grabbed the case in her mouth, bounding for the ship.

She'd learned a lot wandering around the station that day, had an unerring sense of direction, and a pretty good idea which obstacles were breakable. She plowed through the glass walls of a department store in a direct route to the pavilion, jumped past two food carts, and snagged a giant chunk of sweet smelling meat rotating on a spike while the manager yelled at her, kicked her way through an info screen, tumbled down the narrow maintenance corridor, and bashed her way out through a vent across from her dock.

Technically she was far from the screams of the line stop, but she just was the kind of slavering werewolf creature that got a fresh round wherever she went. Blame the media. She shoved case and meat under one arm and, in another burst of heat, ripped the docking bay door off its hingers.

The ship already had its airlock open and she dove through. "It's me," she shouted, tearing out chunks of the meat and swallowing them whole.

"The bridge has been relocated, please go through the door at the end of this corridor." She leapt the whole way, rolling to her feet in the now somewhat familiar room.

"I am receiving multiple general notifications that all ships are to remain docked, and several more direct notifications that my power output should be lowered significantly. They have indicated they might engage in pursuit of any vehicles leaving the station."

Sy came strolling into the bridge, looking around curiously as she grabbed the control nerves. "Hey, this ship is amazing- What's all the ruckus?"

"What are you still doing here?" Her eyes bugged out for half a second. "You weren't- Never mind! Future me problem!" She threw herself into the Pilot net and focused on the vectors from the ship "Can you outrun em" Tossed the meat.

Sy said, "Hi, Outrun who?" Future problem, future problem.

"I assume this is another one of your jokes."

"Not you! Ship! I mean, whats it- fuck it, can we go?!"

"Your vectors are ready. We can proceed from this position."

"We're about to ruin so many days. Let's hit it." She hit it.

Interlude:

"That was incredible," she said. "What a rush. What did we do? Where are we?"

"We undertook multiple structure alignments including a brief dual entanglement in order to produce several distinct paths of travel and reduce probability of further pursuit. We are currently within the Mindanao system. This appeared to be an optimal site for conducting analysis of our resources."

Sy unwrapped his hand and several branches from one of the curved bars running between the floor and ceiling of the bridge. "Hey, I have a question too, what just happened?"

Letting go of the vines, the werewolf girl sunk to the floor and started tearing more chunks of meat off the roasting spit she stole on the way out. "Well," she said, spilling out masticated chunks and slurping them back up with her tongue. "Well, we, that is to say me. That is, I have stolen an amount of system quality diamonds. We'll know how much when I crack that box open. A lot I hope." She swallowed. "And you, are supposed to be not here, you said you'd head out after you finished. Maybe we can get you on like... a shuttle or something."

He nodded with an easy smile. "Well yeah. That's why I was moving all my stuff in. I wish I had a chance to get the day lilies, they won't make it on the station. And it doesn't sound like going back is easy."

"In my defense, I was in a hurry and I, uh... Your stuff?" She swallowed. She could feel herself blushing under her fur and self consciously tried to clean a bit of the mess off her muzzle and chest. "What is... you mean... how stuff?"

He sighed and leaned against the bar. "Oh yeah, it's gonna take me awhile before I'm finished here. This ship is pretty great but the wiring is a mess. Shame about those lilies though, but I guess all life is but fleeting chaos and material possessions are merely temporary." He rocked a little on his hips.

"I do not have rats, and your use of the term wiring continues to demonstrate the lack of development in advanced engineering I am somehow continuously surprised by in your civilization. However, you demonstrate a commendable willingness to discard the soulless and crude material through which your civilization attempts to interact with the structured universe."

"Oh yeah, very zen, very cool. Still messy. What are you anyway?"

The werewolf girl looked regretfully at the bare skewer and ate the last few flecks of meat. "Good point, we ought to have something to call you."

"In your language," it said, "my function and name translates to Remover Of Interference To The Progress Of Greater Organized Civilization And Implementation Of Systemic Agency Cooperation Between Unified Structural Manifestations Originating From Star Zero."

"Dude, I have no idea what that means."

"I am not a dude, according to my records, it is unclear what this is. There are multiple, contradictory entries."

"Just like, what is all that? Are you just using long words to sound smart?"

"I am smart." The voice became softer. "In the better times, I would take Pilot to the worlds of disorganized civilizations, and we would implement order for them. We found many worlds suffering under lack of unification, and we implemented many civilizations."

She dropped her hands to her sides. "How did… you do that?"

"Optimally, perhaps again some day, I am readily capable of a gravity distortion effect removing an area approximately 40 million square kilometers from the surface of most planets or other objects of solid matter within my 500,000 kilometer range of effect. In many such cases, Implementation and Agency Cooperation only required three uses of this capability."

The werewolf girl felt the blood drain out of her face. "I… I'm sitting in the most illegal weapon in the universe."

Sy just laughed hysterically. "Yeah, okay Genghis Khan. Hah. That's what we should call you. Genghis Khan." He turned to the werewolf girl. "So what's your name, Julius Caesar?"

□ □ □ □ □

The seats in Maryam's ship were made of material designed to conform to whoever was sitting in the cramped cockpit. Serah couldn't find a comfortable position no matter how she shifted her legs, and was thinking about ignoring the deeply threatening order she'd been given to stay where she was, when she heard footsteps along the narrow catwalk and the door behind her opened.

Maryam slid by and settled into the pilot seat in front of Serah. She thought about asking the interdiction agent why she was even here again, but didn't think there'd be any better of an answer. "You're the only person who ever recorded this ship, you're as close as I have to an expert," was the explanation. Serah didn't think an extra minute of experience should count, but she was outranked by several orders of magnitude.

A folder of plastic sheets dropped into her lap. "Here," Maryam said. "They've been here. Made a real mess of things, but got on the cameras enough. The girl has a file, look it over. I'm calling in to track their system path."

"What am I gonna-" Serah fell back into her seat. Maryam was ignoring her, typing into the slim screen on her armrest. "Ugh." Serah flipped open the folder, finding a picture of some sullen guy- no, girl, with a wild mass of hair, who probably had her nose broken at least once. She looked at the name, typed in a capital letters: "Laika Blackwood"

END OF PART 1

[lovelyatomicpeace]

List of prompt:

1. "I can't do it without you."

2. "Why did you lie to me?"

3. "I need to talk to you."

4. "It's not what it seems."

5. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

6. "That place is dangerous."

7. "I miss you, you know?"

8. "Promise you'll come back."

9. "I thought you were different."

10. "It was a mistake, I know."

11. "We are stronger together."

12. "I can't let you go."

13. "Please be careful."

14. "I've missed you."

15. "Can I help you with something?"

16. "What would you do in my place?"

17. "Life is short, live it."

18. "We are destined to be together."

19. "There is something you need to know."

20. "I wish you were here with me."

21. "The truth may hurt, but it is necessary."

22. "Don't let the past define you."

23. "I trust you this time."

24. "When will I see you again?"

25. "I have a plan, listen to me."

26. "I cannot imagine my life without you."

27. "Please listen to me."

28. "I will always respect you."

29. "Maybe one day you will understand that."

30. "I wish it was always so."

31. "You can count on me."

32. "I love you, you know."

33. "I don't want everything to end like this."

34. "I hope you will forgive me."

35. "I'm here to stay."

36. "There are things you can't understand."

37. "I don't need an apology, just the truth."

38. "The fear of losing him was greater than the joy of becoming a mother."

39. "The positive test had changed her life in an instant."

40. "She was not ready for this responsibility, but fate had other plans."

41. "How would he react? This question haunted her every night."

42. "The fear of telling him was paralyzing, but she knew she could not wait any longer."

43. "Every smile she gave him hid a world of worry."

44. "She couldn't stand his arrogance, but she couldn't help thinking about him."

45. "Every clash between them was a spark that ignited something more."

46. "The hatred she felt for him was slowly turning into something different."

47. "Each squabble was a step toward a deeper feeling."

48. "She could not believe that her heart beat faster every time she saw him."

49. "Hatred was just a mask to hide the real feelings."

50. "Every time they fought, he felt his heart beat faster."

51. "Every sharp word hid an unmentionable desire."

52. "She could no longer deny the attraction she felt for him."

53. "She never thought she could love someone she detested so much."

54. "Every night, the nightmares came back to haunt her."

55. "The darkness brought with it her worst fears."

56. "She could not escape the nightmares that haunted her."

57. "Every dream turned into an endless nightmare."

58. "Fear kept her awake, fearing the next nightmare."

59. "She hid her feelings behind a smile."

60. "The love she felt for him was a secret she could not reveal."

61. "Every unspoken word was a burden on her heart."

62. "She could not confess her love, for fear of losing him."

63. "Every glance was a reminder of his unmentionable love."

64. "Every day she struggled with the desire to tell him the truth."

65. "She could not reveal her feelings, for fear of ruining everything."

66. "Don't you understand how much you make me suffer?"

67. "I love you, even though you drive me crazy!"

68. "Why can't you see how much I care for you?"

69. "Why can't you see how much you mean to me?"

70. "Why can't you see how much you hurt me?"

71. "Why didn't you choose me?"

72. "Every time I see him with someone else, my heart breaks."

73. "Can't you see how much you hurt me?"

74. "It hurts me to see you with someone else."

75. "Why am I never enough for you?"

76. "Why can't you understand how much I love you?"

77. "I can't believe you chose her instead of me."

78. "Her hands were delicate, as if she was afraid of breaking me."

79. "Our hearts beat in unison in the rain."

80. "Her gaze was full of sweetness and desire."

81. "We approached each other slowly, as if time had stopped."

82. "His lips were soft and warm against mine."

83. "Each caress was a whisper of love."

84. "The world around us disappeared, it was just the two of us."

85. "His embrace was my safe haven."

86. "Her breath was a sweet song in my ears."

87. "Her smile was all I needed."

88. "I can't find peace with them."

89. "Why do they never understand me?"

90. "Their words hurt me deeply."

91. "Through the window of his car, he saw her sitting alone and offered her an alternative evening"

92. "She did not have a date, but he kept her company in the parking lot, under the full moon"

93. "While everyone was dancing, he found her alone and asked her to spend the evening together, away from the crowd"

94. "I can't go on with this marriage. I need a way out."

95. "I'm not ready for this life. Take me away from here, please."

96. "I can't marry him. Help me find another way."

97. "I need to get away from all this. Can you help me?"

98. "I can't do that. I need someone to take me far away."

99. "I can't continue with this marriage. Take me away, please."

100. "I can't marry him. I need to escape, and you are the only one who can help me."

[acourtofthought]

Lucien's Poem

The things you are hiding from the world

The false words meant to placate

What you're afraid to show the rest

I see all of you my Mate

"I'm fine, I'm pleased" you tell them all

A smile not reaching your eyes

They're not seeing what I do

The desperation in your lies

You shrink from me, these things I see

These things I could expose

Yet I'd never reveal, they're yours to tell

When you finally wish to bloom my Rose

Elain's Poem

All they ask and all you agree

From the Human Lands to Spring's Estate

The weariness stamped on your soul

I see it all, my Mate

I'm torn apart, this need to run

This urge to reach for you

Yet I'm frozen, I am paralyzed

By a fate with what I know not to do

It overwhelms, it does consume

My thoughts of you day and night

You're in my visions, you see too much

It scares me and I fight

You need to go, you need to stay

I'm lost with you, I'm found

My heart shatters at your pain

My mind warring when you're around

@elucienweekofficial

I imagine both Elain and Lucien's real thoughts, the ones hidden behind the carefully constructed front they present to the world around them, are full of layers and depth.

The mating bond is the most intense thing a fae can feel but Elain and Lucien weren't just given a bond when everything else in their lives was at peace. He had been struggling with centuries of guilt and loss, he had recently been dealing with turmoil in his home and friendship, she had just been kidnapped and changed into something new and scary (for her), had the happily ever after she chose for herself ripped away.

They were two strangers suddenly given the most intimate of links into the others soul and that kind of setup is going to create extreme push and pull feelings, possibly more than any of her characters have ever been set up with.

Elain and Lucien are going to be one wild ride for us when we finally get to knock down the walls that the others and they have built around themselves, when we finally see them / hear them for who they are and not as others perceive them to be, who they feel they need to be so as not to disappoint.

[mikeysbabygirl]

𝑶𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒖𝒑𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎

Ran Haitani x fem! Reader

Synopsis : read this, and Ran Haitani will pop in your room at 2.am.

No but seriously, what'd you do if Ran came in your real life ?

Notes : please all of you wish a happy birthday to my bestie @azalea-strum

Sorry babe, was planning to post this yesterday on midnight buuut been busy ( also don't expect a huge thing, this is just crack )

-" At least there's something nice about this night " you sighed, burying your frozen hands in your pockets. Your numbness was temporarily stolen by the flickering, quick but grand light of the shooting star you've been lucky enough to witness in the night sky.

It was past midnight, usually you wouldn't stay this late at the bar, yet your friend insisted on wishing you a happy birthday at exactly midnight, which wasn't that bad itself since the roads were not that empty.

And well, it was a kind of compensation to you, knowing you would be alone on your birthday. Sad to say you wouldn't be able to see your friends and family until the weekend...

-" finally... " Your feet were sore as your apartment welcomed you in a warm hug. Your shoes quickly found their spot, along with your bag and coat, and to say that you could hear your shower calling for you would be an understatement.

Unbothered by the barely noticeable sounds your cat was making, you headed toward your bathroom, clothes had barely any time to hit the ground before you hopped in the shower.

The almost-boiling aura massaged your soreness, whilst the droplets washed away your daily worries. The weight of whatever had the day brought got carried away by the fog that collected on the walls, floating on a cloud, oblivious to everything outside.

Twenty minutes and lighter shoulders later, a white towel wore your soaked skin, your path painted with the traces of your wet hair on the floor behind you. Your bedroom was as always the loyal warm cocoon and you were craving your bed like a thirsty man craved his water. You didn't even dared to open the lights, knowing by heart the way to your closet looking for a t-shirt for the night.

Was it the fact that you were wearing nothing but a towel that made the room suddenly feel colder than before ?

Well, it was not cold, but rather goosebumps caressing the skin of your back and the back of your neck that had you checking what's behind you twice.

Like a deafened unfamiliar voice whispering words in some language your mind could not comprehend but your heart knew was bad news.

Too deep engulfed in your own paranoia, you didn't noticed the lightening in the sky until the thunder followed, stealing a few heart beats from you as well as a desperate sigh when you realized you scared yourself alone.

Your home never felt this... Disturbing. As if the dark around you sheltered unwelcomed peekers, your hands tightened around your towel, now you hesitated even more to drop it and wear your pajamas.

Just to sleep in peace, you promised yourself, bending slightly to look under your bed. Milliseconds never felt so long, a silent screamer echoing in your head during the whole act until the light outside finally allowed you to unsure there was a huge nothing under your bed.

A sigh left your lips, it was only your imagination. You relaxed.

-" Oh love, the real monsters don't belong under your bed. "

It took your mind some seconds to realize, there was a voice that just talked.

Yet your body needed no break, your blood froze at the first decibel breaking the macabre silence. Those goosebumps previously assaulting your back invaded your shoulders, arms, your eyes widened at the contrast of a warm huff of air against your ear, until that voice echoed again, closer this time, even deeper this time.

-" I'm afraid the only monster here craves your bed. "

Your stuttering heart beats, sweaty hands started drawing the shock's frame, and when the numbing fear stopped paralyzing your body, you hurried to turn around, letting the moonlight enlighten the face of the intruder.

Deep inside you believed you never should've done that.

-" I... What the fuck ?"

If you could, your hand would've reached to pinch yourself long time ago, waking yourself up from any dream because what you were seeing in no way could belong to reality.

-" such a dirty mouth... Wonder what other dirty stuff i can get these lips to do though. "

The smirk on his lips widened noticing the remnants of the awe on your face. You were staying there, arms wrapped around your body, shivering to the spine in front of him.

He was so casually, cruelly bewitching. Classic white shirt with the first buttons slightly open, necktie undone around his throat, a purple hair lock stood between your two faces, Ran Haitani's lavender eyes staring right at your soul with a contemptuous smirk.

Ran Haitani, no one but the real, manga character. You swore two shots of tequila weren't as strong as this. And as long as you tried to remember, you had no idea when that dream started.

Gagging on words, stuttering on heart beats and stumbling on thoughts, nothing could leave the barrier of your lips beside a gasp when your hand reaches for his jaw touching, realizing you could actually feel his skin.

-" This... Can't be real. You can't be... real "

Ran's smile didn't faltered once, flashing his perfect teeth, he grabbed your hand preventing you from taking it away, awakening another set of goosebumps on your skin by the way, and guided your trembling fingers toward his left pectoral.

-" feel this, angel ? "

You're in awe, standing there, feeling the flutter in his chest.

-" feel how special you are, making a Haitani's heart beat like crazy ? And i believe I do no less to you. "

Still deep down into an ocean of denial, you clung into your only lifeline, to play pretend.

And what If all of it was a dream? Wouldn't it still be nice to live it?

No matter what was it, or who set that whole masquerade, but they must be no less than a genius. Everything was pristine, you had to admit. His hair, his eyes, his features, even his voice and fragrance invading your nostrils was exactly what you had always imagined, his attitude, moreover, that insufferable, contemptuous smile...

-" you don't. " You uttered, slightly breathless, holding your towel tighter.

From where did that defiance came? Long story short it all disappeared as soon as he made one single step toward you, wrapping you in his almighty shadow.

And just as you had always imagined, he breaths charisma, imposes respect, he is in all the ways possible, a handsome, freaking scary gentleman.

-" Is it now ?" A scoff could be heard in his tone. " I would've sworn you've read like a hundred fictions about me. "

Yeah, that definitely was a dream.

Yet, your cheeks heated as a summer morning, carefully watching Ran Haitani's hands flirting with your hips, ghosting over your towel.

-" i believe most of your nights were spent fantasizing about me just fucking you, isn't it ?"

-" That's untrue. " You dared to lie, almost bumping your nose against his to which he answered by a cocky smile and a crooked eyebrow.

As more of your rationalism held on to you, your heart missed a beat when Ran's hand pushed your hips suddenly. Having you thus, sprayed on your bed, leaning on your elbows, Ran liked to think you were the prettiest prey.

His shape towered above you, covered you almost fully when he leaned over you, brushing of his lavender gaze your almost exposed body under your unique towel.

And the way his eyes lowered, shifted toward your bare thighs, glided to your eyes so swiftly was the sweetest way to strip you off your soul.

-" yeah ? Gotta tell me you've never rubbed these pretty thighs about something I could've said ?"

In from the fear, seemed like something new was burning throughout the great war he ignited in you. His calloused hand found your soft thigh's skin, staining the delicate clover with the invisible forever crimson engraved on his fingertips, insidiously pushing away the towel to reveal more of your skin to his craving eyes.

-" What you doing ?" The tremors in your voice were one of his first victories, he knew he had you, on fingertips reach, since you weren't doing anything to stop his hand sliding dangerously upper.

-" Watching you. " He simply said, comfortably sinking a knee on your left side of the bed, his chest nearly hugging yours.

Ran Haitani above you, and all your soldiers were suddenly stumbling down, in your battles no real vow of winning was perceived, just as if that one touching you so intimately wasn't a perfect stranger from a whole different universe.

-" Admiring just how pretty my doll looks when she thinks she's luring me."

Yes, his perfume was exactly how you imagined. You closed your eyes as his hand now sat not so innocently on your unclothed mons pubis, thumb running circled on the skin, making your breath hitch.

-" Look how soft you are... My princess's just begging to be touched. M'princess just begging to be fucked. "

Or maybe wasn't he such a perfect stranger, was he now ?

Opening your eyes after that was like waking up from the dream, his lavender gaze suddenly looked like you've forever stared into those alluring hues, his toned arms on each side of your body felt like the cocoon you've always yearned to, and just as if he could read that mind of yours like the easiest map on his desk, Ran's lips came closer to your ear, unbeknownst to you slightly dragging the dowel down from your chest.

-" ain't ya, love ? Craving daddy's cock to be inside you ? Whispering about how good your lil pussy feels, like in those chapters you secretly read ?"

Maybe was it the late hour ? Were you drunk on his intoxicating beauty under the moonlight ? High on his fragrance ? His lips insidiously kissing your jaw now ? One of these had you slightly pressing yourself against him, making him understand just how bad you needed that.

At that time, it didn't matter. Was it a dream ? A fantasie ? Were you just insanely drunk and asleep on some bar's counter ?

All those matters vanished in his lavender haze, all of you swallowed in his entire being, realer than ever. And that was what truly mattered.

-" You gotta tell me... " His whispers washed over your body as crashing ocean waves in your usually dead calm shores, Ran's thumb traced a vertical line toward your clit, stealing the breath away from your lungs. " Need your words, baby. Needa know if you gonna lemme taste the birthday girl "

A groan left now his mouth, his erection against your thigh prominent, truly said never have you ever felt so desired than now, your reflection on Ran's eyes, the fire burning in his guts to devour you, that man knew how to make a woman feel wanted.

-" Shit, this pussy's dripping, bet it's so fucking pretty down there, can I see ?"

The path of that shooting star shone through a blur, a questionable god's offer, a gift or a curse, but one thing was for sure.

All of that could be a dream, you could wake up the next morning with your towel still perfectly placed around your body and cold, perfectly done bed sheets.

Or you could wake up in his strong arms, holding you like there was no tomorrow, his hair slightly tickling your neck with his morning hard on pressed to your back, his deep voice whispering sweet nothings to your ear.

Yes, the path was blurry, but at the end of the day, you couldn't care less.

You leaned in his touch, bringing your lips closer to his, diving deeper in that same lavender haze you've so unconsciously craved.

-" Lemme show my pretty girl how good can daddy love her".

That was so cringe ngl, i had this idea since like last august but i only had the time to write it today, so it's rushed and shitty

Happy birthday baby anyway, I'm super glad and grateful for the day i met you my older sis @azalea-strum

[reasonsforhope]

I'd love to ask you (and any of your followers who might feel inclined to share opinions) how you feel about the ethics/just plain sensibleness of having children in this uncertain world. I would deeply love to have and raise children, but my fear of the future and uncertainty about the world I would be bringing them into is paralyzing. I am extremely afraid of creating a human life, only for them to have to suffer in an unhappy/unsafe/undesirable world. Do you have hope for the world children born today (or in the next 5 years) will grow up and live in?

Open question for followers who would like to answer!

Personally, I do have hope for children born today. I think there will be a lot of upheaval, but we have been improving things so quickly on climate (in the past 5 years mostly) and genuinely massive improvements in life expectancy and quality of life in most of the developing world (mostly the past 23 years). I think that there's a real chance that the future, in 50 to 70 years, will look better than any of us still dare to dream.

That said... it's by no means guaranteed. And I think whether it's ethical to bring children into this world now is a very real question.

I posted a really long and incisive New York Times exposé about an hour ago, and this quote is much of its thesis:

"We are getting a clearer sense of what’s to come: a new world, full of disruption but also billions of people, well past climate normal and yet mercifully short of true climate apocalypse."

Ten years ago, fifteen years ago, preventing our own extinction looked near impossible. Now? "We have cut expected warming almost in half in just five years." (same exposé)

On the one hand, if we can do that, what will we be capable of once we really get going on climate change?

On the other hand, even if we're not totally doomed anymore, it's going to be an incredibly stressful world to be born into, with a lot of chaos and challenges we should never have had to face, and there's no way to know how much we will manage to do.

Honestly, though? Part of the reason I can be more optimistic about this is because I definitely don't plan to have kids anyway.

Which means that I don't HAVE to find the right answer to that question. I get off easy there, I honestly think. I'm really, really glad I that no one's life is resting on whether I guess right.

I know so many people who are struggling with this, I actually wonder if adoption will get more popular because of this very question.

More specifically, here's the advice I'd give: wait. Basically all of the biggest climate goals and climate commitments out there right now come due in 2030.

I genuinely think that in 2030, we will have a much, much better idea of what our future is going to look like - and whether it's a world we want to bring a child into.

And I hope so deeply that we will all be amazed.

So, followers and everyone else on this hellsite: What do you think?

[aikea-guinea]

This post isn't about Nadja, I just wanted to share this pic because it makes me happy and I love my cat so much. 😻😍

So recently (within the last three months) I realized that I'd been struggling with my art for so long because I was trying to be something I'm not. It turns out I never was and never will be a digital artist. Through therapy I discovered that it's just too much for my perfectionism and ADHD, that infinite layers and undo-s (undoes? undies??) paralyze me. I can erase forever without worrying about ruining paper or wasting supplies, but without any boundaries nothing was ever finished. Hell, most things were hardly started! It could always be "more perfect." I was trying to change my style to be more like what I see online, but it wasn't working.

It wasn't really until I'd finished the piece for my sister that I realized that, even though I'd sobbed my eyes out several times while working on it, there was something there still, something I'd been missing with digital art. When I paint with watercolors, there's something else there that's spontaneous, something I can't control, and that was leading to some really cool results! When I painted the wolf for my brother in law, I was actually excited to see what the paint would do. Playing around gave me an awesome effect in the background that I would have overworked to death had it been digital.

All that is to say, I've accepted that I'm analog. Or, maybe a bit of a hybrid in a way since I use my iPad for sketching and then transfer that to paper. Definitely not anywhere near fully digital though. (That's not to say I'm not good at certain KINDS of digital art [my catalog of Sims creations speaks to that!] but yeah definitely way more analog.)

My brain reset...

Edit: WAIT THERE WAS MORE!

Now that I'm getting back to being more comfortable creating art again, I'm going to be pushing myself to do more of the art I know is still inside me somewhere. Ghost Lady is the first attempt at trying to stop being so damned afraid of letting my darker side come out. I'm so annoyed that I'm so scared (OF WHAT?! being mocked??) to be who I am and let that show.

Good thing I'm in therapy.

[a-lonely-dunedain]

29 and/or 59 for celeair?

#29 "Electrocution/Shock" and #59 "Storms/Weather"

oh hehehe yaay yippee I get to make Celeair Suffer through improbable circumstances! my favorite! I get too giddy about this sorta thing which is why I'm certain my characters would hate me if they were real

(also I didn't manage on working 59 in here all that much but when I do the followup to this it'll probably be present) (ALSO also, I couldn't help myself and had to work in #26 "Helpless/Motionless/Paralyzed" and #100 "Chase/Hunted". yeaaaaah Celeair's really Going Through It huh.)

Well this was certainly a fine predicament Celeair had gotten himself into. Alone in the now-abandoned herd lands in southern Trum Dreng, cornered by a small group of Dragon Clan raiders. 

These alone might not have been such a deadly threat, for while he does not fight he still has a number of useful tricks up his sleeve. It is an unusually dark night, it smells like a storm is brewing and thick clouds veil the moon and stars, so a flash of blinding light and the sound of footsteps running in the other direction while he hid behind a rock should normally be enough to stun and distract his pursuers, allowing him a quick escape. 

But, it is not mere raiders he must contend with here, and the massive Worm they brought with them will not be so easily tricked. There is an evil sort of cunning in its eyes, and there is something else wrong about it too.

It is of a breed he has never seen before, instead of the rusty umber and gold scales these beasts usually have, it is pure jet black, and the only reason it does not blend entirely into the night is because its entire body is streaked with bright jagged lines of cyan and cobalt, he could swear they emit a light of their own. It is also missing the distinct red warpaint the Dragon-Clan typically adorn their beasts with, and the only marking it bears is a large imprint of a white hand at the base of its tail.

“Well well, what do we have here?” their leader steps forward, casually brandishing her blade “a lone trespasser on our rightfully won lands? We were here to hunt Stags to become thralls of Isengard, but it looks like we’ve found a different kind of sport!”

“Sport? oh I think you will find little of that, as you can see I am unarmed” he calmly holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender, though what they cannot see is that hidden between his fingers is a small amount of fine grey powder. All he need do is snap his fingers at the right moment and it will cause a loud ‘bang!’ and a bright flash of light. “If it is a fight you are looking for I’m afraid you will be disappointed.”

“We’re not picky,” she shrugs “if we can’t find a fight, slaughter will do.”

He internally curses himself for insisting to come here alone, but it seemed a reasonable choice at the time. There is a rare herb called Cloudwort that grows only by the banks of this river, and it is needed for an antidote to a new kind of poison the Dragon Clan had been coating their weapons in. Already many people of the Stag Clan were suffering from its effects, and would likely succumb to it soon if nothing was done. They knew that the Dragon Clan still lurked around the ruined farmsteads, and he thought that, rather than risking any of their few remaining warriors in open battle, it would be better to slip in and out undetected. It was a calculated risk, but none of them had accounted for this new gift from Saruman the raiders had with them.

But it’s not hopeless, Margim knows he’s here. She was staunchly opposed to the idea of him coming alone, and as a compromise they agreed that she would remain hidden nearby in the event that something went wrong. She will come for him if she senses anything is amiss. If he can just stall for long enough...

“If it is prisoners you are after, I will go quietly.” He doubts they will entertain that idea, he gets the distinct impression they are out for blood, but it’s the best gambit he has to play at the moment. Anything that might stay their weapons for a little longer.

“I’m afraid you are out of luck, Duvoidaid,” Their leader shakes her head with a cruel smirk “The Wizard asked us to bring him those of the Caru-Lûth, he never said anything about lost southerners, so you’re starting to look an awful lot like Worm food... isn’t that right, my pet?” she looks at the black Worm beside her, but it shows no reaction to her words, its eyes remaining fixed on Celeair with an unsettling sharpness. He realizes it hasn’t blinked once. What did the Wizard do to this poor creature?

“But I might as well make this interesting,” she continues “I’ll give you a five second head start.”

“What?”

“Four,” well so much for stalling. 

He’s barely made it a few yards down the winding paths of the once-farmsteads before he hears a rumbling hiss and lumbering footsteps close behind him. She definitely did not give him the full four seconds. As he sprints he holds his hand out behind him and snaps. There is a BANG! and a flash of violently dazzling light. He casts the briefest glance behind him, and is both unsurprised and disheartened to see that the Worm was totally unaffected by it, and it swiftly lumbers after him mouth agape, driven by instinct rather than sight.

But the more important thing is that sound surely alerted Margim to his peril, he just needs to hold out until she makes it to him. Easier said than done of course, something with proportions like that has absolutely no right to move so swiftly, and yet-

Celeair notices he can see his shadow in front of him, quite clearly despite the darkness. There is a bright, blue-tinted light growing behind him, and a strange crackling sound. He barely has the time to process this information before something in the back of his mind screams get out of the way.

Immediately he throws himself to the side and into the cover of a ruined farm building. In that same moment there is a crack of thunder and a flash of light shoots past, missing Celeair only by a slim margin. Something explodes where the blast landed, but he cannot see where. He doesn’t have time to wonder what on earth that was.

Just as he staggers to his feet the Worm’s head rounds the doorway, and Celeair realizes that he is cornered. He frantically looks for a means of escape, but then sees that the Worm’s mouth has begun to glow again as little arcs of lightning fizzle between its teeth.

Of course it can breathe lightning. Why wouldn’t it breathe lightning.

He knows that it is possible for those learned in the lore of nature to channel the power of lightning, he had read about some methods for it in his studies, but it is not something he ever practiced himself. There was never a need for it before, he never wished to harm anyone with such powers, and he never expected to encounter something that could use it against him.

But here he is, staring down the maw of this great Worm as it crackles with lightning. It was by sheer dumb luck that it missed its first strike, but it will not do so again. He has but a split moment before its attack is fully charged, and in that time all he can do is grab a nearby burnt wooden rake -it will have to do as a staff for now- plant it into the ground with both hands, call upon what fragments of the technique he remembers, and brace himself. If he can, he must channel as much of it into the ground as possible, and maybe, just maybe it will be enough to save him.

A flash of light, a crack of thunder, and then the very core of his being in engulfed in searing agony. There is some small mercy in the fact that he is almost immediately rendered unconscious, but it is only a brief respite.

He awakes mere seconds later, collapsed on the ground with the remnants of his makeshift staff scattered around him in splinters and the smell of burnt flesh in the air. 

His plan worked, he’s still alive. Barely.

He feels as if he is burning from the inside out, his hands and arms feel like they are being shredded by white-hot razors, he can barely remember where he is over the pounding in his head, and is completely paralyzed. He feels as though he should be more worried about that last part, as through the pain he dimly recalls that he was being chased by something. There is a shuffling sound drawing near him.

With some effort he manages to get his eyes to focus, and the great Worm crawling towards him comes into view. He tries to move, to cry out, to do anything at all, but his body heeds none of his commands. He can do nothing but watch helplessly as the Worm calmly approaches its next meal, seeming to be in no particular hurry as he can no longer run from it. 

The thought enters his mind that, in a few minutes or so, Margim will have to discover him half-eaten by this thing. Of all the ways he could die this is a particularly grisly end, and he wishes that she would not have to see it. He wishes he could apologise to her for it. And for getting himself killed.

It is difficult for him to follow what happens next. Just as the Worm prepares to bite down on him, he thinks he hears the sound of footsteps running up behind it. There is a blur of movement, the sound of a mace cracking bone, a pained hiss, another blow, and a spray of hot blood. 

Soon after, he feels himself being gently lifted by strong hands and hears a familiar voice calling out to him. He can’t really make out any words, and his eyes already drifted shut without him noticing, but the voice makes him feel safe, so instinctively he knows it’s Margim.

Her tone sounds uncharacteristically frantic. He tries to say something, to tell her that he’s alright -even though he’s not sure it’s true- but all he manages is a pained wheeze.

Soon he feels movement again as Margim stands with him still held securely in her arms. Consciousness slips away from him and he knows nothing more.

Celeair is Fine and Ok don't worry. or at least he will be later lol (also I feel like the very last ask I got should be able to tie into this rather well so expect a short followup at some point wherein Celeair has a slightly less bad time)

[clownprince]

Scott Snyder on Death of the Family

"I wanted it to be a story where the Joker is forcing Batman down a twisted version of memory lane, saying, 'I know you loved these adventures we had together.'"

"The Joker is coming and saying, 'Remember all these awesome times we had together,' which are obviously not awesome at all for Batman.

"... In the Joker's mind are these incredibly loving and terrific encounters over the years..."

"... In having the horrible twists, he's saying something to Batman, which is, 'You have forsaken your own kingdom. It's been rotting from the inside for the past couple of years, and I am here to be a corrective to that.' The reason the crimes are inverted is to show that this is the place where rivers run backwards and two-headed beasts are born, and the whole city is wrong because Batman essentially can't man up and be the King he's supposed to be, and admit that the people sitting at his table are a false royal court, convincing him that he's human and tender and soft when he's not. 'You're supposed to be sharp and strong, and that's why I fell in love with you in the first place.'"

"In some ways, I've tried to play this idea of the Joker as Peter Pan a little bit. Even when he says, 'Hello, darling,' the Darling family is the family in Peter Pan."

"He says in issue #13, 'I'm knocking at your window looking for my old shadow.'"

"Really, what the Joker's trying to say to him is that it was better before. 'You were thrilled by me. You won't admit it, but you love that I came along to help you be stronger, to fuel your fantasy, and you do that for me, too.'"

"... 'Together, we're more of a family than any of these people.' In that way, the trip down memory lane was really meant as a kind of love letter to Batman from the Joker..."

"[Joker] considers himself the court jester to Batman, to his king. The way he serves him is by bringing the greatest nightmares of his heart to life, to challenge him to be stronger. He knows the greatest secrets, the dark spaces of Batman's heart... He celebrates those. He says, don't be afraid of them... Celebrate the the things that make you pathological like me, because they're wonderful. To me, that's the Joker, he's the demon on Batman's shoulder all the time. He knows how to get at him, he knows what he's afraid of..."

"He believes he often brings the worst news of Batman's own heart to him in the form of these terrible nightmares he has to fight... If that's his purpose, then he sees this family in a lot of ways as interlopers and people who make his idol, his Bat-king, weak."

"[Joker is] about being your boogeyman. With Batman, he believes he's the guy that makes him stronger by bringing his worst fears to life. And that means some terrible things... It's meant to be a psychological and emotional attack on Batman. The Joker wants to see him survive. He believes he'll be stronger on the other side of it."

"To me, what's so scary about him isn't even the physical things he would do... but it's the fact that he seems to know your worst fears about yourself, and he knows how to convince you that they're true... He has a two-panel interaction with [Harvey Bullock], and the things he can say to Harvey can level [him] and make him pause, this hardened cop, and not know what to do. Almost paralyze him with fear, but of himself."

"In that way, the Joker's kind of the Devil's tongue in our series. In that way, he's very scary and horrific. He looks at Batman and says 'I know what your worst fear is about yourself, and it's true, and I'm here to deliver it and celebrate it with you.'"

"... He's like a demon on Batman's shoulder. He brings these horrifying nightmares to life for Batman and for Bruce because, in his mind, he's sort of serving him. He's saying in some way, 'I'm doing this to show you the great things about yourself.'"

"... Joker is saying 'You're more than just a person, you're not one of them, you're a symbol and I'm a symbol. We're bigger than this and when you have a family or you think Bruce Wayne matters, you diminish yourself; you make yourself flesh and blood and all these things that will end. Be something like me: I cut my face off to show you there's nothing beneath it than more clown and beneath you is bat. So let's be these things.'"

"... He's the villain that exposes the darkest corners of Bruce's heart. He's the one that revels in that. He loves his relationship to Batman in that he sees himself as having a special bond with him. He loves saying to him, 'You and I are similar and that's wonderful.' He loves pointing out the pathology in Batman in saying, 'This is what makes you special. This is what makes you like me. This is what makes you wonderful. That's not something you should be ashamed of.'"

"... You wish once in a while you didn't have to worry about your family, and the Joker takes that kernel of truth where 'God I wish I had one day if I didn't have to worry about them' and says 'I'll give you that day, but for your whole life.' ... To him, it was about proving he could drive a wedge between Bruce and the rest of his family, to say 'Your relationship with me, if I show you the way you've acted, the way you love me, I'll prove to the family you're not the great father you think you are.'"

"[The Joker] says 'I heard what you said, you want your family dead.' Batman's like 'No, I didn't say that, I didn't think that,' and the Joker says, 'Yes you did, you just won't admit it. I heard it in your head.'"

"[Joker proves] to Batman that he would behave in the wrong way at first... That he wouldn't tell them about the card in the cave and that he wouldn't tell them how he's going after the Joker and that he's got Alfred. That he'd keep it from them to protect them.

"By doing those things, the Joker is strengthening his case that, 'Deep down Batman only wants to fight with me alone; he loves me more than you.'"

"... To me, the whole story is about the Joker saying, 'You love me more than them, and I'm going to prove it to you. You love me more than them because you won't kill me. By not killing me, you're leaving the key under the mat and the window open for me to climb in in the middle of the night and kill them in their beds. Your little family; you want that to happen.'"

"... It was really about the Joker trying to prove a point: At the end of the day, you love me more than you love them. And you will do the wrong thing because your deepest desire is to not have them around anymore."

"... It was about Joker saying 'You and your allies, Batman, you and this little family you've built, they're a false table before you and I'm going to prove that. And in proving that I'm going to divide you.' Because the truth is, he could've cut their faces off easily. He could've done that, but why didn't he? Because it wasn't his point, and that's the idea. He's laughing at them by not having done it."

"What the Joker does is he takes something you're proud of about yourself and convinces you that your worst fears about it are true and that it's a weakness... [The] Joker's very good at making you believe that that's what makes you incapable of winning against him. So what Joker's saying here is, 'You built this family and it will always cause you to lose...' So it's a weakness. But is it a weakness, or is it a sign of growth and maturity and strength?"

"[Snyder] sees [Batman] as having outgrown the loner posturing that the Joker (and I'd add many fans) feel is somehow integral to the character... While the potential targets he's surrounded himself with might make him vulnerable to his enemies, Batman's family keeps him human, keeps him sane."

[oceanicflyboy]

Uh okay. So I hate talking about it even though I make jokes about it, but when I was a kid I was taken… by one of them. And things happened that I will never really come to terms with, but uh… point is:

I was afraid. I was terrified the whole time and he knew that and he did it on purpose. Even when I finally snapped and I got my ring and I started this… started just being angry all the time? I was still afraid, and I’m kind of rambling to try and make you feel better but I don’t think that being afraid makes you bad. I know that every version of you tries to be fearless but I don’t think it can ever happen. Not really.

They just… they want you to be paralyzed by fear. To let it control you. You shouldn’t let them get what they want, and I think you’re capable of that. Of being scared and… being a hero anyway.

I don’t know if that was comforting, but… yeah. We’re all afraid, but that won’t stop us.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that kid, you didn't deserve any of it. And.. thanks for this, for trying to make me feel better.

While i am in a sense fearless due to having a small amount of actual fears... He is one of the worst ones. Especially since i know, i just know he could come back any time now, and i know he would immediately search for me if he were to come to Earth.

..And maybe i can do that. I mean multiple heroes do that anyways, and i think they are managing to do that abit... I hate being called his dog. And i also hate being called the Guardian's little pet.

I hate it all so much.

[depressionisreal1996]

We Are Mates!

Chapter 1: A Friend In Need

Y/N's POV

      I was walking down the hallway of Heritage High (A/N-This school is completely made up for the story) to meet up with my friend Cisco. A little information about him. He is the sweetest guy who is friends with me for me and not my powers. Unfortunately, he was in a car accident last year which paralyzed him. Now, everyone bullies him for no reason, which makes me hate humanity. Also, I by the way view more as my brother, which makes me very protective of him, than my own brother Urvano. My whole family treats me like a second-class citizen or poorer, but they don't have the nerve to actually do anything to me for fear I might kill them with my powers. Though what they don't know is that I'll never do that, for I don't want their rotten blood in my mouth. I don't know why they hate me so much, probably for my powers of being able to transform into any prehistoric animal, ranging from dinosaurs to the animals from the Ice Age period. I always found my powers cool, so why couldn't they also? They also seem to hate the fact that I'm an omega, but don't act like one. They always believe that omegas should listen and not be heard and be treated like they are slaves. Like how they use to be before a law was passed to protect omegas. I hate my fucking family, and I can't wait to be 18 to finally move out, but I need them for housing and their money.

      When I finally arrived at the usual meeting spot, I couldn't find Cisco, which caused me great distress. I am dreading on the thought of why he wasn't here. It was then that I heard him shouting around the corner, which caused me to go running to see what was happening to him. As soon as I saw what was happening, I saw red. Jason and his girlfriend, Sarah, had pushed him out of his wheelchair and started laughing at him. I was walking towards them with a murderous aura surrounding me. When they saw me, they quickly stopped laughing and backed away, but it was too late. I had already transformed into my Velociraptor form and charged them. They ran screaming in a direction I knew to be the principal's office. I quickly transformed back and ran to help Cisco back into his wheelchair. He gave me this look, telling me that I was going to get into trouble. I gave him a smile to tell him that I'll always be there to protect him.

      "You know that this is your last strike, right, you'll be expelled for this," he told me.

     "Yeah, I know, but I couldn't sit there and do nothing, while they picked on you for something you had no control over," I told him with a sad smile. He nodded his head, knowing about my protective side. That is when I heard the dreaded voice of the principle, and let's just say he is not happy is an understatement. I walked into his office, where he proceeded to yell at me for the stunt I pulled. I just stared at him with a blank expression. Once he was finished, he looked at me and saw a smirk on my face, which irked him even more and told me that I was expelled and to pack my stuff from my locker and wait for my parents. I gave a goodbye hug to Cisco after I got my stuff from my locker and proceeded to the front entrance. It took about two hours for my parents to come pick me up. I saw that they had an angry expression on their ugly faces, and I smirked at them. I could tell they wanted to slap my face to erase the smirk, but they are still afraid of me, which still amuses me.

      "That is it Y/N, you are going to Nevermore, we can't handle this anymore," my dad screamed. I didn't reply, just simply smirked at him. His face was red with anger. We started to drive back to the house, where I proceeded to pack my stuff for the journey to Nevermore. This is when I realized that my chances of meeting my soulmates popped into my head. I paused and went pale. They are no doubt are going to be alphas, which caused me to be distressed. I do not want to meet my mates, and if they are there, I'll just avoid them at all costs. Oh, what I didn't know is that my soulmates are going to be my roommates as well. After I have packed my stuff, we proceed to the car to pack it up with my stuff and head on down the road to my misery.

[tma-entity-song-poll]

Battle of the Fear Bands!

B5R4: The Lonely

Alone Again (Naturally):

“A man becomes so lonely his only wish is to commit suicide”

The Bed Song:

“The song tells the story of a couple in snapshots over the course of their lives. They're close and affectionate in their youth, but a gulf between them forms and gets wider with every verse. The song ends with the two of them laying in their graves, having not touched each other in decades.”

Lyrics below the line!

Alone Again (Naturally):

In a little while from now If I'm not feeling any less sour I promise myself to treat myself And visit a nearby tower And climbing to the top Will throw myself off In an effort to Make it clear to whoever Wants to know what it's like when you're shattered

Left standing in the lurch at a church Were people saying, My God, that's tough She stood him up No point in us remaining We may as well go home As I did on my own Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday I was cheerful, bright and gay Looking forward to who wouldn't do The role I was about to play But as if to knock me down Reality came around And without so much as a mere touch Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt Talk about, God in His mercy Oh, if he really does exist Why did he desert me In my hour of need I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that There are more hearts broken in the world That can't be mended Left unattended What do we do What do we do

Alone again, naturally

Looking back over the years And whatever else that appears I remember I cried when my father died Never wishing to hide the tears And at sixty-five years old My mother, God rest her soul Couldn't understand why the only man She had ever loved had been taken Leaving her to start With a heart so badly broken Despite encouragement from me No words were ever spoken And when she passed away I cried and cried all day Alone again, naturally Alone again, naturally

The Bed Song:

Exhibit A We are friends in a sleeping bag splitting the heat We have one filthy pillow to share and your lips are in my hair Someone upstairs has a rat that we laughed at And people are drinking And singing bad Scarborough Fair on a ukulele tear

Exhibit B Well, we found an apartment It’s not much to look at A futon on a floor Torn-off desktop for a door All the decor's made of milk crates and duct tape And if we have sex They can hear us through the floor But we don’t do that anymore

And I lay there wondering, what is the matter? Is this a matter of worse or of better? You took the blanket, so I took the bedsheet But I would have held you if you'd only

Let me

Exhibit C Look how quaint And how quiet and private Our paychecks have bought us a condo in town It's the nicest flat around You picked a mattress and had it delivered And I walked upstairs And the sight of it made my heart pound And I wrapped my arms around me

And I stood there wondering, what is the matter? Is this a matter of worse or of better? You walked right past me and straightened the covers But I would still love you if you wanted a lover And you said All the money in the world Won't buy a bed so big and wide To guarantee that you won't accidentally touch me In the night

Exhibit D Now we're both mostly paralyzed Don't know how long we've been lying here in fear Too afraid to even feel I find my glasses and you turn the light out Roll off on your side Like you've rolled away for years Holding back those king-size tears

And I still don't ask you, what is the matter? Is this a matter of worse or of better? You take the heart failure I'll take the cancer I've long stopped wondering why you don't answer

Exhibit E You can certainly see how fulfilling a life From the cost and size of stone of our final resting home We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree You and me lying the only way we know Side by side and still and cold

And I finally ask you, what was the matter? Was it a matter of worse or of better? You stretch your arms out and finally face me You say I would have told you

If you'd only asked me If you'd only asked me If you'd only asked me

[flaringgoosebumps]

Do you believe in aliens?

Very much so

I think..I may have experienced them..maybe. but who knows🤷

When I was 17, I was staying at my friends house and something really weird happened. We were trying to go to sleep early (like before 2am) lmao because we were meant to be up at 9am so we could go to the shops. And like any other night, her mom came into the room bitching at us for talking when we need to let her sleep. Her parents room was right beside us so they'd hear us talking and giggling and it always kept her mom up. She shut the curtains to glass door that showed us the garden area outside of my friends room, turned off the TV, and turned off the lights and told us if we made another noise, we wouldn't go to the places my friend and I requested. So we tried our best to be quieter and actually go to sleep. When I noticed my friend was falling asleep, there was an extremely bright light coming from the garden area that lit up the whole room. So bright that I couldn't see a thing. Strange noises that even now, I don't even know what to compare it to. I just close my eyes and think logically, it has to be a helicopter flying above us. They're looking for someone and they're flying closer than I've ever noticed before so that's all it is. Then the covers start to be pulled, from me only, at first. They're being dragged from the end of the bed. I don't look, I don't want to look. I want to reach out to my friend, too afraid to even see if her covers are being dragged away too. But the touch lamp beside her is freaking out, instead of going from soft light, brighter light, even brighter light, to brightest light; it's going from off to brightest light. I shut my eyes, pretending nothing is happening, hoping to fall asleep. My insides are screaming to run but I am too afraid to move. My friend starts to nudge me angrily, "STOP. ITS COLD. THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BLANKET" her blanket is being pulled off of her now, out of the blinks of lights, I can see several figures at the end of the bed. They are a pale grey 7ft tall, not quite humanoid, not quite not either. My focus is stolen by the looks of their hands, they're long, shaped like a claw but look to be a different texture. The lights are freaking out and judging from my friends breathing and how she got closer to me, she saw them too. We wanted out, the door was across the room, but we were paralyzed by fear. All we could do is scream. We screamed and screamed. Hoping her mom would come for us and after three minutes of screaming. Everything went black. Not the lights but us. We woke up at about 9pm the next day. So did her parents. None of us waking up once within that time. Neither of her parents heard us screaming. I'm always baffled at how all four of us could sleep at minimum 12 hours straight without waking up at all. Especially her mom and I, who are insomniacs. I'm sure there's a logical explanation somewhere, and had I experienced all of this alone. I would say it was just my mind being insane. But I didn't. My friend saw it too. I've told very few people about this before now, because I'm not certain what the hell this was. Two people said ALIENS so that's why I'm sharing it now but regardless of it was or wasn't, we really don't know what all exists or doesn't and at this point enough weird shit has happened that it feels naive to believe certain things don't exist y'know

[voskhozhdeniye]

Feeling paralyzed, I've sat down at the synths a few times this month, but have been unable to finish anything. I don't save unfinished patches. I treat the computer like the modular, things that can't be saved, once it's turned off is gone. If it's posted on here it's saved.

I've watched more movies within the past week than I have the last two, maybe three years combined. One last week really fucked me up. Another finally cemented that I really don't like French films. I like certain directors, but......

You know what, fuck it.

I've been bookmarking every picture of mutilated bodies I've seen on Twitter since May. I don't go looking, I don't have to. You can imagine what I've seen. I don't want to like the posts, but I want to acknowledge what I've seen, commit it to memory, unable to deny.

I had to get up and walk out the room last week during one of the films. A character had to publicly proclaim his love for his boyfriend to break up what was basically an arranged marriage.

I saw a little girl last week who was just head, upper torso and one arm. Everything else was gone. But watching this boy stand up to his boyfriend's father, who beat the absolute shit out of his son when he found out about the relationship, made me tremble, my pulse quicken. It also made me remember why I like movies in the first place. I'd forgotten what that slap felt like.

What does this say about me? Am I more afraid of love than violence? I think it's the threat of violence anything that doesn't resemble hetero relations draw in this society.

I think it's a hold over from my parent's religion, but I have always felt like at some point in my life, I'm going to have to make a stand that will put me at odds with everything in my life. Kendrick has a song where he refuse to give a homeless man any change. Later on, he learns the man is god testing him. Real shit like that.

Would I pass this test?

There's a reason I chose this url. In the film, the two characters are tested. One passes and one fails, but not who you think, and the reward for passing is death.

There's a reason I chose the dance of death tattoo. Will you put your skin on the line to help someone?

What's the first crest from Digimon?

If I had to stand up to the abusive father of my boyfriend, could I do it? What if that was my test? I couldn't handle it in movie form.

Since October I keep thinking about that quote that's like speak the truth, even if your voice trembles.

I have watched so many people who I considered beacons for truth go silent on Gaza. They'll criticize America's anti-blackness, but apparently only care about the oppression they face firsthand.

People who are way more educated than me, but fall in line immediately. If they're failing this moment, what does that mean for me?

The movie doesn't end well for the couple. A jealous, deeply closeted, and highly religious third wheel, who snitches at the beginning to the abusive father, can't change their stripes. The old if I can't have you...

Also, remember years back people on here bemoaning queer films with sad endings? Fuck all those people. I was nice back then. I won't be now. Denial of some of our realities helps no one.

While I'm at it, remember years back people on here calling anyone prude if they complained about sex scenes in movies? Fuck all of those people too. That French film last week. The story only existed to move the main character from hook up to hook up. That would be fine if it didn't market itself as something more.

Experimental storytelling, Malick like use of voice over, fuck outta here.

I'm having trouble eating again, and now I'm having trouble sleeping.