#i am so forgetful my brain is a sieve

[nelkenbabe]

there was this african book festival in berlin last summer, and i still think about it every few days, checking to see if there is a 2023 date. there were so many fantastic things there, but something that stayed with me is the panel with the author of The First Woman, Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi

she talked about the protagonist of the novel, and especially how it took years and years to publish it. how Kirabo, the mc, had been with her for decades (?) before the manuscript was accepted. how she would do mundane tasks, like swimming in a pool, and ask herself: would Kirabo enjoy this? what kind of bathing suit would she wear? how she knew Kirabo inside and out, almost like a friend

as somebody who has had their own characters live in their brain since they were a child, this was so validating. my character Risa is the only thing that can lull me to sleep. it always felt silly, i still feel silly, bursting with all this information about this person that isn’t real. the intense adoration for a figment of my imagination, knowing dialogue that was never written down by heart

it was validating as a writer (-ish) to hear such an accomplished, impressive author talk excitedly about her character and nodding eagerly when a question about Kirabo was asked

it was just such a good day. i hadn’t even read the book yet, but i bought it there on the spot and asked her to sign it, and she was so nice about it

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

[munsster]

brain like a sieve

A/N: i am on a MAD ONE with the way im writing. she has motivation and inspiration and fingers of STEEL. (gif creds: @neblisi )

Pairings: Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

Summary: Eddie’s on top of the world when you tell him you love him. So much so, in fact, that he forgets to say it back. 0.8k words

Warnings: established relationship, kissing, fluff, insecurity, obliviousness, pet names (bunny, bug, lovebug), ONE half swear word (i SWEAR it took so much self control, i dont know how i limited myself)

You’ve got this fiery look in your eye right before you say it that distracts him.

“I love you, Eddie.”

And your hair is wild and your hands are wound into the collar of his shirt and he can’t help but wonder what divine force of nature got him here. Made him so lucky.

And in the midst of everything: Eddie forgets to say it back.

He kisses you sweetly and holds you at the waist, drinking in the way you look at him and tug him closer. But he still doesn’t say it back. A minute passes, and everything settles and he thinks you’re beautiful and you love him, and he forgot to say it back.

You go home in a frenzy. Why didn’t he say it back? You can barely do your laundry without running the conversation over in your head. Did you do something wrong? You think you’ll wait a week, give it time, maybe he’ll call and say it. Maybe he’s still processing it. Does he not love you back? You end up waiting two days before calling him in the middle of the night.

“Okay! We can talk, lovebug. Why don’t you come over tomorrow night? I’ll order takeout.”

You can hear Eddie’s smile through the phone, completely unfazed by the ungodly hour and by the confusion and hurt in your voice. Your eyes go wide, and you slowly nod.

“Yeah… that works,” you say.

“Alright, I’ll see you then.”

But you’re still confused. He spoke and smiled like nothing was the matter. Like you hadn’t been down on your knees with devoted confession for him. Maybe he just didn’t hear you. Except you know he heard you because you said it in the rest between laughter and conversation and the way he gave you a soft smile meant he had to have heard you.

“I brought cupcakes.” You stand on his porch steps, shivering from the cold, wind licking your face and threatening to blow you off your feet. Eddie grins and takes the plate from you, grabbing your hand and leading you to the kitchen. He sets the soft yellow platter down beside the bags of takeout and whips around to leer at you like a big cat.

“Hi, bunny,” he whispers. And you’re already flustered.

Eddie smiles because he knows and plants one on you like you’ve never kissed before. Like it hasn’t been his favorite pastime the entire time he’s known you. Despite how stone-faced you told yourself you’d be, you crumple into temptation and whine when he pulls away.

Moments later, you’re both perched on his bed, facing each other while he’s smiling and poking at your knee.

“So…” Eddie says, batting his lashes.

“So?”

“Well, you said you wanted to talk—”

“Oh”—you press a hand to your face and take a deep breath—“I know, I’m just… okay… d’you remember the other day? We were cracking jokes on your bed and messing around in general and…”

“Yeah, I remember.” He inches ever closer, tugging at the sleeve of your coat like a needy cat. Because you don’t know how distracted he had gotten all while thinking about how pretty you looked. How pretty your laugh is and how he doesn’t know where he’d be if he didn’t have you.

“And then I said…”—you sigh—“I mean, I told you I love you, and you didn’t… say anything—”

And as if all of the blood had been drained from his face, he goes ghost-pale in embarrassment. He feels nauseous and panicked.

“Oh my God! Bug! I love you, I love you, I do, I’m—oh my God, I got completely distracted, I’m mortified, I swear, I—”

You feel relief, yet your voice is still small when you ask:

“Distracted? Distracted by what…?”

“Well”—and it makes him shy owning up to his conscience like this—“you were laughin’ so hard and… and then I snorted which made you laugh even harder and I was thinking… ‘bout how beautiful you looked smiling so wide, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. And you said you loved me and I was on cloud nine. You were grabbing me and you looked like you could cry from laughing and I wanted to kiss you and I love you. And I’m sorry I got distracted.”

Your jaw unclenches and you sit there for a second, blinking at him in disbelief and yet complete understanding.

Then you tackle him, pin him to the bed with a yelp. And once he’s done wriggling, he’s scared for his life with how furious you look pressing him down like this.

“Eddie Munson!”

“Don’t be mad at me, please! Because I love you—”

“Shut up,” you say, grinning when he cups your face and swipes his thumb across your cheek.

“I do. I lo—”

“Shh, precious few words, Eddie.”

“Too bad, that sucks, I’m completely in love with you,” he huffs, “Now say it back.”

You grin and you look like you could bite a chunk out of him right about now. And he’s pretty sure he prefers it that way when you say:

“…I love you.”

“Damn right.”

masterlist

[fish-spaghetti]

Zevlor x female Dark urge

Word count: 1484

Some stuff that is worth knowing before reading:

This is my very first fanfiction in English and English is not my first language. I tried my best to avoid crazy typos and insane grammatical errors but there may still be some. (And I am very bad at writing)

I am very sorry for creating ooc

I have absolutely no clue how to use tumblr

I named my dark urge as Tav because why not(shrug). And then probably some bugs showed up and the name of my character became the dark urge again. Funny thing is, this actually happened after she realized she is a Bhaalspawn.

I didn’t mean to create her as an idiot, it was an accident and I messed up the stats so she turned to someone who has int 8… thought it will be fun to explain this as “she forgot everything”

Not a “happy ending”

I am so so so sorry

Right, there you go:

Zevlor remembers her, even after all these years.

He's grown old, to the point where he has to squint to see things clearly and needs to hear things repeated three or four times to understand. No longer agile and swift like before, he relies on a cane to move slowly. He forgets many things – a cascade of memories slipping through the sieve of time. Names of people he had once known became elusive, faces blurred into the fog of forgetfulness. Even when he was walking down the familiar streets, midway through, a sudden lapse of memory would cloak him, leaving him standing there, questioning why he started the journey in the first place.

But he still remembers her—the way she looked and her smile. He even remembers to help her clean the armor and gloves hanging in the room every morning. And that blade, her favorite, named "Phalar Aluve." He put it next to the armor, still remembering the translated version of the drow inscription on the blade.

"I pulled it out. Hard. Pulled it out," she said back then, her sentences disjointed, as if it was a new language she started learning recently.

Zevlor remembers how she used gestures to help him understand what she was talking about. A young man, perhaps named Gale, used to kindly help her complete her sentences and pat her shoulder to comfort her when she got frustrated by her inability to articulate clearly.

After all these years, he still remembers her—her eyes, her messy hair, and the day tears fell from her eyes as she looked at him.

"I love you," she whispered gently, and with that, she jumped out of the window and disappeared into the night.

All that has vanished, leaving only a set of armor she loved but couldn't wear, the gloves he gave her, and that damn blade.

Zevlor, with a rag in hand, gently wiped the armor. Would things be different now if he hadn't told her about the things related to the Paladin? He clenched the rag and shook his head.

He remembers their first encounter. She and her companions helped them when the goblins attacked. Afterwards, she threw a punch at the human boy whose name he had forgotten. An interesting young Tiefling, he thought, introducing himself and expressing gratitude to her and her companions.

She looked at him blankly, glanced at her companions, and shook her head, "No name. Don't remember. Gone." She pointed to her head, "Gone. Memory.Everything."

What happened next? If he remembers correctly, it seems that one of her companions suddenly suggested giving her a name. “We can’t keep calling you Tiefling all the time, right? ” But she couldn’t think of any name herself, she couldn’t even speak fluently. So they wrote down several names they came up with and let her choose. Zevlor helped with the name picking, he read those names for her, in case she forgot how to read, and added one to the list.

"Tav," she pointed to one of the options written on paper, then pointed to herself, "Tav."

She laughed happily, repeatedly saying her new name.

She used to have a lute, a gift from Alfira, she claimed. Her brain was like it had been pierced by countless holes, rendering her unable to articulate words and remember her name and her past. However, she still knows how to use a blade, cast spells, and even remember how to play the lute. She even performed a duet with Alfira and was shocked when she realized what she was doing.

Unfortunately, Halsin didn't bring the lute to him, saying Alfira wanted to keep it to commemorate the hero who saved her several times. Zevlor didn't say anything, just nodded in acceptance.

And her staff, she said it’s called the Spellsparkler and she loved it very much. She was an excellent sorceress, even Rolan agreed.

The staff went to Rolan. He said he was there with her before her final battle. He refused to give more details on what happened, just sighed and told Zevlor that she was no longer herself that day.

"She did it for us. She became a mindflayer." Rolan showed Zevlor the staff, "She gave me this staff before they left."

Zevlor felt jealous, jealous that he wasn't there as her ally. If he had been there, she wouldn't have disappeared like this. Even if the one sitting across from him now is a mindflayer, it is still better than the cold armor and other lifeless items.

He missed the time spent with her, the celebration at their camp where she sat next to him humming tunes, and her tail swayed to the music. He advised her to go chat with others and enjoy the rare moments of happiness.

"Tav.” She pointed to herself, “Wants to be with you."

He tried to continue persuading but was interrupted, "Zevlor, what is a Paladin?"

He explained it was about upholding justice and righteousness, to become a beacon of hope in dark times.

"What about Tav? Can Tav become a Paladin?"

"Perhaps?" he smiled.

After that, Alfira took her away to play a duet together. People gathered together and enjoyed the music. Rolan even joined, clapping and laughing on the side. He remembers how good it was to see their smiles.

Maybe it was that moment, or perhaps some other strange moment, Zevlor couldn't say, but he knew he developed some affection for her.

He had once thought he might not see her again. He got trapped in that nightmare, the sounds he heard were not just the screams and cries of people, and what he saw wasn’t just helpless civilians hiding behind him while watching everything burn. There was also her. She stood amidst the sea of flames, her eyes emotionless.

"You should have saved me," she screamed, and the fire ate her alive. Zevlor couldn't wake up from this nightmare. Desperation and agony enveloped him; he knew he was trapped in a dream but couldn't wake up. He saw his deceived self kneeling, begging everyone to surrender. And he saw the people he protected suffered. They looked at him with anger and hatred, calling him a traitor and a coward. But awakening came too late; he was already immobilized, helplessly watching all those tragic events they could have avoided. In despair, he immersed himself in the lies woven by the absolute. Beautiful illusions, where everyone survived and started new lives, and he once again became a Paladin. And there she stood by his side.

But he woke up again. It was her.

Once again, she saved him, after the Grove, she saved him again.

He thought she would blame him, or maybe she would slap him, or curse him as a damned traitor.

"But Zevlor, in my heart, you are a Paladin. Does oath matter that much?" She could now articulate complete sentences, walked up to him, placed her hand on his shoulder, and whispered, "It's not your fault, not your fault."

"It's not your fault," she gently touched his horn, "Go find them, I'll handle the rest. Trust me."

After that, Zevlor saw them a few times, but he didn't dare to approach them, only observing them in disguise.

"If only I wasn't a coward," he thought, cleaning the sword hilt with the rag.

There were many things left unsaid, but even if he dared to speak them now, she wouldn’t be able to hear. Every day, he repeats those words – words meant for her – to the belongings she left for him.

"Paladins uphold justice and righteousness, and have to become the beacons of hope in dark times." she repeated what he said that day, holding his hand against her face, "I can't be a Paladin. I am a Bhaalspawn, I did many unforgivable and cruel things before I lost my memory."

"No, you are Tav. The past you isn't the present you."

"But I can't erase what I've done." Her tone was calm, "But I have a chance to make amends, to end everything like a Paladin."

"I love you," tears rolled down her cheeks.

He wanted to follow her, but at the moment of leaving, he was hit by a sleep spell.

And then at that harbor, Halsin appeared with her belongings.

"Is this the place?"

"Yes."

"She killed herself."

"Yes."

"Why..."

"She turned into a mindflayer."

Halsin handed him the package, "Maybe you'd want this. Inside is her favorite sword, 'Phalar Aluve.'"

"I know this sword."

"Yes, and the armor she liked but couldn't wear. She said if she became a Paladin one day, she wanted to wear it. And... your gloves. She took them out every night before sleeping, saying it helped her sleep."

Zevlor remembered the sound of the waves and the mournful cries of seagulls.

He patted the armor gently and stood up with the help of a cane.

"I love you."

[mistrdctr]

What to expect from this blog (and what not to)

I thought I should make a small list about... well, what's written in the title lol - what to expect from this blog / this postrayal or wat not to expect from it, just so you know what you're dealing with.

What not to expect:

In-depth knowledge regarding Marvel and the MCU

Any more knowledge than what has been stuffed into the Dr. Strange Movies (and what mun remembers more than just a few snippets of the other MCU movies)

That the mun has read the comics

That the mun can remember every single MCU movie watched in general (and does not possess a sieve instead of a brain)

A completely canon-compliant, to-the-tee correct and absolutely not somewhat made-up portrayal of Dr. Strange as the canon character

Not the mun sitting over a reply and worrying because mun might not understand what the fuck is goING ON (???!!!!???)

A portrayal that's also very in-depth and stuffed to the brim with knowledge regarding Dr. Strange

That the mun as knowledge of your Marvel / MCU character

That the mun knows whether or not your character knows mine (except for 'main' characters, such as the Avengers etc)

A portrayal that will make you go 'oh wow yes'

Beautiful aesthetic and professional writing

What to expect:

A very casual portrayal of a character the mun adores

Writing things on here that are meant to be fun for both writers (me and you), no matter the topic

Also a very cringe, snarky, sassy, embarrassing but probably also canon-divergent, probably not at all very great portrayal of the Mister Doctor (It's Strange, who am I to judge)

Made up plots and things that definitely are absolutely not canon in any shape or form

Made up things about Dr. Strange that I see fit

Headcanons that might be a little odd but they're thought of with love I promise

Made up plots and situations that cause people who are in-depth familiar with Marvel / The Comics / MCU to arch their brows at when reading (and going 'what the fuck is this supposed to be')

A mun that keeps whispering 'ohmygod I am so sorry' while writing replies because believe me, mun knows that this is some weird shit and I am constantly worrying over the fact that I havE LITTLE KNOWLEDGE)

Definitely some butchering of the MCU and Marvel (sorry)

Little aesthetics because I suck at that

Mediocre icons

I-try-my-best-at-writing-I-promise

My love and adoration for you to write with me (honestly, bless you, thank you)

Me always being open to OOC interactions with mutuals (I love you)

I might add to this with time because my brain is, as mentioned, a sieve and I tend to forget things. :'D

[deeisace]

I am too tired and confused by forms I can't fill in I'm just going to do all the stuff tomorrow

I should have swept, and sorted out the last bag of clothes, and done the dishes, and transferred money to my mum, and took the bins out, and cleaned my whole bathroom, and contacted the wifi people - and the water people, and the gas-and-electric people, and the council, and the new doctors, and and probably other stuff I'm forgetting cs my brain is sieve-like

I'm glad to be moving, sort of, cs the rent will be too much and the man downstairs is the worst, but it's so much so quickly I don't know how to do any of it and I haven't had time to get my head round a single thing

I'm just fucking tired

I'm gonna. Not cry. And I'm gonna nuke food, and not cry. Yeah.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hey so. its been a while. I havent had a lot of energy these past few weeks and when I did I didnt really wanna spend that energy on this bad book series, but its the weekend and its been wayyyy too long and I need to finish ACOMAF before shit starts falling out of my sieve of a brain. As always, I am motivating myself with the prospect of contuining to work on a proshot of the takarazuka production elisabeth after this, the 2014 flower troupe one specifically ^-^ or maybe I'll watch a fucked up black and white movie from the 20s thats two and a half hours long, we'll see

Today we're reading chapter 53, the precursor to The most infamous chapter 54. Im not gonna lie, I kinda forgot most of what happened last time. There was a mate reveal, Rhysand was being really pathetic which made him hot to me for the first time in about 600 pages of me knowing him, Feyre was super pissed so they sent her to the mountain cabin to cool off a bit and paint, i think thats it

is it just me or is it kinda weird that Feyre is fantasizing about green grass and flowers and flowing rivers when the NC so far has been defined by being a very wintery place. Like yeah, obviously they have seasons in the solar courts but like, theres a lot of mountains which means a lot of snow, its the most nothern court etc

And Feyre didnt like winter in the first book because she associated it with bad times at the cabin so that makes sense but idk. I feel like if youre retconning her so much already you could easily wrie something about how she actually likes winter now that she has the power to withstand it or something but no, sure, have her fantasize about very spring-y weather in the book where the spring court gets demonized to hell and back why not

'[Rhysand] would give me the money for my shop, for what I was offering would cost nothing. Maybe I would sell my paintings to pay him back the money. Because I wanted to do that under any corcumstance, soulmates or not.' I was gonna write something snarky about Feyre in ACOSF but then it hit me that shes never going to have financial independance from Rhysand ever again and now Im just sad and anxious for her

(sry, im too lazy to translate this whole paragraph rn) '[Rhysand and I would do a bunch of fun stuff that couples do.] Never again someones slave or whore.' Its so wild to me that shes saying all this about the guy who made her his slave and whore MULTIPLE TIMES AT THIS POINT. like hey sarah, do you think your readers dont remember all that? do you think constantly calling back to it will make them forget somehow

Ive seen some people describe this book as gaslighting and honestly, its not even that its just lying. this story is just a bunch of lies that keep contradicting or otherwise disturbing eachother because the person telling it isnt even a good liar

Okayyyyy this chapter was a lot shorter than anticipated can you tell i dont plan these out at all but i dont feel like doing more than this and also while I was reading i got a really good idea for an Anastasia AU for a different fandom im in and I keep getting distracted and I wanna start working on it as soon as possible. And also, I'd like to be focused when I finally read that most infamous of chapters, thank you and good afternoon

[the-good-old-reaper]

I know the direct was hours ago at this point and I'm late af to the party but brothers and sisters of tumblr I AM FUCKING EATING.

Nintendo keeping me fed, I am a slut for rpgs and JRPGS but only 1 type has excluded me (cause I suck BALLS at the genre) is tactical rpgs, I only have 1 fire emblem game on the ds I've restarted like twice but never really gotten stuck in cause I feel so lost and front mission 1st which I do enjoy but am very bad at and haven't played in a hot minute.

And they revealed a ton during this direct which I'm not gonna lie I LOVE the look of and I genuinely think might get me to finally understand and enjoy this genre of rpgs.

My favourite genre of rpgs/jrpgs is the classic, the one that comes to mind immediately when its said and it's turned based.

People call them glorified spreadsheets and they are so right but fuck it if I do not wish I could inject them into my blood like [ELICIT SUBSTANCE], never heard of the SaGa franchise but after seeing what was presented fuck if I ain't getting that shit oh and of course the 2 fucking Mario rpgs in super Mario rpg and paper Mario which is just fucking baller.

Oh and to turn away from that for a second LUIGIS MANSION 2 now I never played the game when I was younger no money + game hating parental figure meant it wasn't something I was able to access but I did watch a lot of content of it online idk what it was but those let's plays were addictive to younger me and now possibly being able to get an enhanced version now that I have money after forgetting about it for so long FUCK I AM EXCITED.

Oh but last and definitely not least that side order trailer FINALLY more information and it looks fucking S I C K I am so excited, all that radio silence and they come out and just scream directly into my face and I am here for it I am oh so very ready for when my splatoon updates and I get access to I'll play that shit like crazy.

There was definitely a lot more but I swear I need a note book when watching this shit I forget way too quickly and they show off so much so fast it slips through my brain faster than flour thought a sieve I fucking love directs that are full of shit I wanna play, I am by no means pro capitalist but it really pops off sometimes.

[azems-familiar]

Would it be possible to get a tag for ahsoka critical or star wars critical? It is your blog and you should absolutely be as critical as you want, but I'm trying to filter those posts. Thank you for considering!

yeah sure! :thinking: "star wars critical" is a kind of a big one that expands to cover.... a lot of things, so i think for now i'll just slap an "ahsoka critical" tag on things and people can hopefully know it's about the show and not the character. the smoke is hellish right now and i have a horrible headache so i am having a Time trying to logic up if there'd be a better tag for stuff in general, so i think i'll just stick to that for now. i don't intend to post a lot about it, if that helps also, just happened to see that particular post on my dashboard - i'm not gonna be seeking it out so you don't have to worry about there being Tons of it. i'll definitely grab the tag for it!

and i apologize in advance if i forget to tag a post at any point, my brain is a sieve. i'll go back and edit the tag onto the post i reblogged now too <3

[karometeenk]

Holy shit i think it was your birthday recently?? I remember seeing a post about it half asleep at 1 am and i meant to congratulate you but forgot!!

So in case it wasn't a waking dream, CONGRATS NACHTRÄGLICH KARO!!! 🎉🥳🎂👍💝⭐💓💕😘🥰🥳🎉😄❤️

And sorry for forgetting 😐 my brain is the equivalent of a fully functioning sieve

It's okay babe <3 i never stopped loving you❤️

(hope your brain get its holes filled soon😔)

[lemony-snickers]

F / N / V

lol, nisi. always the first one to respond, tyily. <3

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

hmmm... i actually consider dialogue a huge weakness of mine, lol. because the best dialogue is that which says one thing but means more than that, which is something i am not very good at a;dslfjas;df

i suppose i like this part of when love blooms a little because they are talking about one another without realizing it and so hopefully later, after the "Big Reveal" (lmao), they will understand why they are important to each other.

“Browallia,” you said, “apparently it means ‘admiration.’”  You rolled your eyes, scrunching the napkin in your palm before slamming it onto the bar.  You kept your eyes on the brunet as you refilled your sake cup. “Coreopsis,” he said finally, “also known as tickweed.  Supposed to mean ‘always cheerful.’” You snorted into your sake, stifling another coughing fit as you swallowed. “What’s so funny?” the man asked, his eyes still level on your face. “They just sound like such nice things, don’t they?  Admiration and cheer.  But they’re really not.  Not like this, anyway.”

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

uh... all of them? at this very moment, helping hands and the strength of vines which are the two remaining mix and match fics because i am tired, lmao.

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

sdljfa;sdfj damn it. you know, i had a great response to this like three weeks ago because there was definitely a fic i read and was like BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE.

and now i forget what it is ;sdjfa;sldfj i'm so sorry my brain is a sieve.

as a tangential response, there are several abandoned longfics i'd love to take up the cause for. there is nothing worse than a great fic you never reach the end of.

[alloutofgoddesses]

My mind is a steel trap and a leaky sieve.

I can remember your birthday but not your face.

The worst moments are ones I will never be able to recall, and yet they’re also the ones that keep me up at night.

I can’t tell you what 8x9 is but I can describe your exact tone when you got mad at me for suggesting your sister get the same type of car your entire family has. I still want to know why you reacted that way.

It’s everyone’s best guess what happened that night on the youth group trip. All I remember is the bus. All I want to remember is the bus. Hotels become a blur after a while anyway.

I will never hear her voice again, and I lost it before I realised it. I knew she was dead before my dad told me. Now all I have is clothes that will never fit, jewellery I’m afraid to wear, and birthday cards with grandma written in parentheses.

Well, I suppose that’s not true. Her house is a mausoleum, stuck in time but increasingly being overrun by grandpa’s tools. It feels wrong to have internet there. It feels worse to know he only started sitting in the chair she never got to use a little over a year ago.

He’s using a cane now, as am I. Every visit he looks thinner. More tired. I feel relief, which is a horrible thing to say, but well… at least when I introduce Mary to him I won’t have to lie and say she’s just a friend.

I wish that my mind didn’t tinge all the good moments with bitterness and anger.

I wish I could let you go. I wish the first two letters of your name weren’t so common. It just stopped appearing in my suggested words when I type. Four years out. I haven’t even spoken to you in three.

I wish I could forget you entirely. I wish I had realised what was happening and had tried harder to keep you. I wish that I wasn’t writing to the memory of you I have frozen in my head.

(What I won’t say is that you were always terribly selfish. You only wanted someone who could be exactly like you, and when you realised I wasn’t going to be that, you turned your back on me. You take advantage of your mother, your sister deserves better, and the frequency with which you talk about your father I can tell that there is a deep pit of rage welling within you that you refuse to acknowledge. That rage is going to destroy you one day.

I won’t say I am glad I know nothing about your current life. That my life improved when you left it, even though there’s a place in my heart that will forever be for you.)

I will grow yes, but I will always have these feelings with me. I will always revisit them when my brain cannot stop going.

I am a broken record, repeating the same patterns over an over again without even realising it.

[p-bassist]

The only song I’ve had manifest into my head is (of all things) a country song, which is weird for me cause that genre is not a particular favorite for me

I don’t know where it has come from, and it almost feels like it must be part of a song I’m remembering because it’s hard to believe that this thing has been created entirely by my own brain, which has never shown signs of manifesting a song before

I’ve even said on multiple occasions I don’t feel I have any songwriting ability, cause the inclination to produce a tune - either the sung one or a chord progression - is not there

So I’m hesitant to try to make this partial-chorus that has plopped into my brain into something more, since I don’t feel certain that it’s not just a weak remembrance of some other song that’s out there, it feels like it can’t entirely come from me cause there’s no precedent for that

[racingliners]

tagged by @babysdrivers (I threw this in my draft ages ago... but at least I didn’t totally forget about it!)

google “[your name], [favourite colour] aesthetic” to create your own custom moodboard!