#i am trying though but overall. i am sad. so sad. but very happy joel has friends now :)

[beacon-lamp]

beacon. beacon. bdubs in on grian's list. but also. they are both red now. and joel calls them friends. also grian was thrown out of his friend group. bdubs in a similar situation. so. i don't know where i'm going with this. but. last life, am i right? -cat

@cat-26

cat im apparently not capable of being remotely normal about last life smp so as per tradition, i will be word vomitting my thoughts under the cut

grian fell for 4 entire seconds before he hit the nether roof. he fell for so long that the shock had already turned to realization by the time he died.

mumbo's little sign hurt me so much i've said it before and i'll say it again. because the Shock of turning red had barely set in and grian and joel are trying to turn it into a positive thing. like hey :) we can be friends now and cause violence :) and grian's also trying to explain the logistics about how all alliances are now cut once you're red. but then the southerlands officially exile him and he returns to the place of his death. and the little sign. "dont hurt me". and you're just suddenly yanked back to not even ten minutes ago when mumbo and grian were just dancing and joking around. and grian's little. "you can still be my friend". absolute pain.

etho being invisible in cleo's base as cleo respawns after being betrayed by her day 1 alliance. and he kinda comforts her? as he's trying to steal her valuables? that was really unexpected to me honestly i thought he'd just steal stuff and leave without saying anything. i loved that he put his armor on so she could see him. something something humanity of it all.

bdubs fucking died. he fucking died. like i thought we were in the clear, and the gremlin man had to go and fucking plummet from a high place. im gonna riot. and the end of etho's episode where he's just cutting the snow castle in half. not quite willing to evict him. but also definitely not willing to live with him either.

and bdubs pleading with etho at the end. trying to convince him that he wouldn't kill etho. he hadn't before and won't now. pain. agony even.

i gotta watch the fairy fort alliance man. i skimmed through cleo's episode because obviously she had a rough recording session. but her interaction with lizzie after bigb's betrayal left a bad taste in my mouth. like lizzie was more interested in protecting the lives of the fairy fort rather than how her friend felt? but that's the name of the game so i definitely gotta watch their episodes when i get the chance.

scar has 7 lives and lives at the top of a mountain in a dirt hut. an absolute mad lad. he's gonna win the whole thing i believe in him. i kinda want him to team with the red team. like one of those "im only using you and you're only using me" type alliances. but it just seems so lonely. someone wrote a post about loneliness on LL and it really struck a chord with me. the man has the most valuable resource on the server and not a single true alliance.

bdubs is the worst business negotiator hahaha. etho's little: i care more about bdubs than the enchanter, line got to me. etho being like a disappointed parent at some points with bdubs made me :) like they're friends :) it's the duo i've always wanted. which made the end of etho's episode so much sadder.

i just. the vibes of LL are so much more different than 3L. like lives are more valuable than alliances or friendships. it adds a sinister undertone about the world imo. like a greater force is at play. whereas 3L seemed more about human nature. there are more eloquent posts about this out there. i like it. but i'm also in pain.

impulse is gonna have a great time coming back on the server next week :)

[oonajaeadira]

Adira, Queen of Soft Feels and Happy Endings, I have an utterly ridiculous request:

Please reassure me?

I adore Pedro and all of the Pedro boys fic writers but I am TERRIFIED of zombies. Just thinking too much about them makes me feel sick. So I will probably have to steer clear of TLOU which makes me quite sad, but what makes me sadder is what if all the wonderful Pedro boys writers just start writing only TLOU fic (which I’m sure will be amazing) and I can’t even read it because of my phobia 😞.

I am NOT me trying to police ANYONE’S writing, the TLOU fics will undoubtedly be incredible. I think I am having that feeling of the older sibling being afraid they will be forgotten when the new baby arrives.

So my very silly, illogical request for reassurance is:

Please reassure me that these wonderful, talented, fantastic fic writers (yourself included, of course) are still probably going to also write some other Pedro boys fic after TLOU is released?

(I know you all likely will and I am being very silly - but life is tough and I fear losing my comforting fantasy spaces.)

❤️ - @lilfanficthings

OMGTS 100%.

I will admit that I'm a zombie girl. They're some of my favorite monsters, but for the same reason you dislike them--I'm absolutely terrified of them. I have been watching and loving horror films since loonnnnnng before I really should have been allowed to, so I have a deep love of the genre, but I also have calluses and am very hard to scare. In the moment, yes, I can be freaked out and I love love love a good scare. But very little horror lingers with me and even fewer things scar me. Zombies, though, they get to my psyche. They poke that shiver trigger in me like nothing else. And so I deeply appreciate them.

However. As someone with anxiety, I understand that some folks can't do the horror. I get that. And while I will probably lean into some of the infected stuff if I get to writing about Joel--because it goes along with protective Joel and that's got my heart purring--I'll totally tag anything both that's infected-ful and infected-free. Because you know I'm gonna write some soft Joel stuff. You know I will. Hell. That man might become the basis for my first true AU....

But hells yes, I'm going to still be writing other characters. I'm not done with the Bookshop or Din or Whiskey and his Techmate. I'm only two chapters into Branded and I'm still deeply in love with Pero. Don't even get me started with Javi. Do not.

And...I haven't really spilled the beans on this new project I'm working on, but let's just say that it involves a lot of the other boys. I can't and won't give up on our loves.

I don't think other writers will either. Whenever a new character hits, there's a glut of fic for them. But there's also a lot of writers that get overwhelmed with the crowd and take the opportunity to go into a quiet corner and play with some of the wayward boys. There will be plenty of fic to be had. And remember, every time Pedro premieres a new role, the fandom grows. So there will be more fic coming overall, I'm sure of it!!!!

[the-baticeer-extraordinaire]

The Last of Us Part 2

So, I finished it a couple of days ago, and I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I spent about three days playing, and I plan to play it again soon. I have some Thoughts ™ about it that I decided to share, but be aware -- there are major spoilers all throughout this post! You’ve been warned! 

It’s broken into three sections: what I loved, what I hated, and what I’m mixed about. Discussion is welcome. :)

What I Loved:

In the first game, you get to see Ellie's experience with the world outside of the QZ - and most of it is new to her. She grew up in the QZ, raised by Fireflies. She doesn't know much about the world before the outbreak, but you get to see her learn about it. You see her grow up and mature in this new, violent world and the toll that it has on her. In TLOU2, she's an adult now with friends who all grew up in this new world - they don't have the experience with the old like Joel or Tommy or Maria, so they are learning as they go. They've only experienced THIS world. I really enjoy listening to their conversations about what the world is like to them, trade stories about their wildly different experiences, and point out things they find odd about the old world. For example:

Ellie grew up in a QZ, but Dina did not. They trade stories about what it was like - particularly, the horrors of living in a QZ.

Ellie and Dina comment on Joel's love for coffee, saying they didn't "get it" as it tasted awful.

Ellie and Dina discuss the first time they killed a "non-infected" and the circumstances that caused it; it's clearly something very emotionally important to them, especially as they were young. It's also likely that this is the reality for all kids growing up after the outbreak. They don't get the privilege of knowing a life where they don't have to kill others to survive.

When Jesse and Ellie stumble upon a bookstore with a kid's section, Jesse can't believe they decorated the kids area with mushrooms. Ellie says that they must have had a different meaning to people before the outbreak, and in her journal, she notes that people used to think that mushrooms were cute.

Lev points out that a kid's bedroom is painted to look like nature but that it isn't realistic, and Abby tells him that it's more a "dream-like version" meant to be cute and commonly painted by parents for their kids. She tells Lev that her own father painted her a jungle.

The uncertainty of knowing whether or not Ellie knew that Joel had lied. I had always hated that Joel chose to lie to Ellie, but I had always suspected that Ellie must have some idea. I liked the gradual revelation that she did know, that Joel had finally fessed up. There were moments when someone would ask her if she had any idea why that group would kill Joel, and I'd be saying, "Because Fireflies" but then I would have to think "Ohhh, but Ellie doesn't know that!" Because you couldn't be sure that she did until the flashback reveals.

I felt like the strained relationship between Ellie and Joel resulting from the lie makes perfect sense; Ellie placed all value of her life on being the cure, and it must have been devastating for her to hear that she could have lived up to that perceived value if it weren't for his actions. Shitty actions of the Firelfies and the unrealism of a mass cure aside, Ellie must have felt insanely betrayed by the person she trusted most. The growing gap between the two of them and her pushback against his helicoptering makes absolute sense, even if it's sad. If Ellie had just blindly accepted it without some kind of anger or betrayal, I'd have been really disappointed.

Despite the lie and knowing what he had done, she still felt a sense of injustice enough to pursue his killer. In her journal, she notes that she had suspected Fireflies all along, so she knows why they came and why they killed him.

At first, I really hated playing as Abby. I knew immediately from Abby and Owen's conversation on the cliffs that she intended to find and kill Joel, and I wasn't surprised because even though I hadn't seen any spoilers prior to playing, I fully expected Joel to die in this game. It just made sense to me that Ellie would be on a violent rampage to avenge Joel, so it wasn't hard to connect. But playing as Abby, ESPECIALLY after Joel's death, was really hard to swallow. I couldn't really get behind playing as Joel's killer, as I adored Joel as a character and I had a lot of hate for her. As I played through her scenes, I started to realize that Abby and Ellie are kind of two sides to the same coin. Both grew up in and are navigating this "survival at all costs" kind of world, both are the sort to go to the extreme to seek revenge, and both are deeply hurting from the loss of their fathers. I was slow to really appreciate seeing Abby's perspective, but in the end, I got to see qualities of Abby that I liked, even if I didn't care for her overall. It reminded me that people aren't all good or all bad - they're more of a mixed bag.

Ellie is a child in the first game, and so it's not really surprising that she doesn't really make a lot of life-altering decisions for herself. She goes with Joel and Tess because Marlene says so, and she goes with Joel because what other choice does she have? And in the end, neither Joel or the Fireflies give her a choice in her situation - she's just dragged along to whatever they think is best for her. The sequel is different - Ellie is an adult who lives on her own and makes her own decisions. She pushes back when she feels Joel meddling, and it makes sense considering how he took control of her situation before. So, Ellie's actions have a lot more weight, and she's actually responsible for them. What I love is that Ellie is unquestionably herself - even when I, the player, felt like she was doing something wrong, it was her choice to make. It makes her character all the more human that she's not some righteous saint getting revenge for Joel's death. She makes mistakes and does things that are morally questionable. It makes her like everyone else - someone who has both good and bad.

Lev. All things Lev.

Through Ellie's perspective alone, you don't get much insight about the conflict between the Wolves and the Seraphites in Seattle. Abby's perspective offers more, and it makes sense. Ellie is a visitor and unfamiliar with the territory, but it seems Abby has been a part of the Wolves for a while. It's clear that the tension has grown increasingly more violent recently, and you get to see all of that erupt with Isaac ordering an attack to wipe out the Seraphites. What's interesting to witness is that as you progress through Abby's story, you get to see the flaws of both groups and the atrocities committed by both. The real tragedy is that neither of the groups can set aside their differences to say that it's okay to live differently - instead, they constantly fight and kill each other. The Seraphites are convinced that the Wolves are sinful and need to be put down. The Wolves say the Seraphites are freaks and need to be culled. Neither side is willing to try another truce - instead, they subscribe to the "survive at all costs" idea, and the cost is the other side - who they clearly don't see as human. This is especially clear when you see how quick they are to turn on each other for "stepping out of line" like when Lev shaves his head, Danny attacks Owen for not being able to kill an old man, and Isaac is willing to kill Abby for trying to stop the Wolves from killing Lev.

Once Lev and Abby start running together, Lev constantly corrects Abby's use of "Scars" - the name that the Wolves call the Seraphites. This seems very important to Lev, and once you run into Seraphites with him, you understand his insistence as they continuously deadname him. Lev didn't give up his beliefs when be fled the Seraphites, and it's important to him that Abby not disrespect him in that way. Even more telling is that while Abby continues to use Scars for a bit, she eventually becomes more respectful and uses Seraphites instead - something that his own tribe couldn't do for him.

Holy fuck, I am in love with the aquarium. When playing as Ellie, the place had a super creepy vibe, so I wasn't feeling it. But I was genuinely excited every time I got to visit it as Abby because I LOVE that place. Except for the last time. That sucked.

Not only could you pet dogs, but you could play fetch with them, too. That's fucking awesome. 

I went into the game expecting an established relationship with Ellie and Dina, but I'm really glad I got to witness it blossom. I actually really loved how playful they were with each other, but also how comforting they could be for each other. All the little looks and touches filled my little bi soul with all sorts of warmth and happiness.

Ellie's inability to sleep, her flashbacks, and the note she makes in her journal about finally having a day that she forgets about Seattle all point to the traumatic damage that Joel's death and her revenge quest did to her. When Tommy confronts her about pursuing Abby again, Ellie seems to completely shut down at the idea, and Dina has to take control of the situation. I like the fact that they show the cost of Tommy and Ellie’s vigilante justice, like Ellie’s PTSD, Dina having to take care of Ellie on top of taking care of JJ, the failure of Maria and Tommy’s marriage, or Jesse’s parents having to live with the loss of Jesse. Similarly, Abby sees the same kind of consequences to her pursuit of revenge: she sees the loss of her Firefly friends -- something she clearly hadn’t expected to happen.

For the most part, I didn’t care much about Abby’s friends. I got pretty into Owen’s story, until he was perfectly okay with leaving Mel and his unborn child and running off into the sunset with Abby. I’m not sure how I felt about Mel in the end, and I hated Nora and Manny. However, I really did like to see their perspectives, and I especially liked seeing how much some of them struggled with Abby’s vengeance and torture of Joel. I felt like it gave me a bigger picture of the consequences of Joel’s actions at the end of the first game (and we all had to know there would be SOMETHING).

All of the cutscenes showing Ellie and Joel’s relationship over the years were an absolute delight (even the not so nice ones) because I fully expected to be able to have more Joel and Ellie interaction before his death. I’m sad we didn’t get that, but happy that I could still explore their dynamic through flashbacks. Don’t even get me started on the birthday flashback because I have so much love for that entire scene and will probably replay it more than any other part of the game.

The attention to detail in the environment was so stunning. In one the of the apartments in Seattle during Abby’s playthrough, I saw a tabletop RPG set-up and immediately screenshotted it and sent it to my gamer friend group. All of the lore notes you could pick up and read through with stories about FEDRA, Seraphites, or Wolves really hammered home the idea that each group was at fault for their predicament and contributed to the overall tension and bloodshed. I love the theme that no one is blameless, because in the post-apocalyptic setting, you really wouldn’t expect anyone to be completely innocent. Even going to view the models in extras, you can zoom in and see the level of detail they added -- like JJ actually has blemishes on his face in the one where Dina is holding him. I fucking love it, man.

What I Hated:

When you play through Abby’s story and finally get to the confrontation, the player actually has to continue to play as Abby and attack Ellie. This seemed like a particularly cruel set-up, given that most of the player base is playing this game because they loved Ellie and wanted to continue playing her story. I’ve seen comparisons of the encounter to that of Ellie and David in the first game, but I don’t feel like it’s the right comparison. The mechanics were the same, yes, but the situation is completely different. Yes, in Abby’s story, Ellie is the villain. Ellie murdered her friends. But in the case with Ellie and David, Ellie was a prisoner who then had to fight to get free of him -- Abby is not a prisoner and sought out Ellie on her own.

I understood the chronology of the story, and I enjoyed having the “so she DID know” moment after the game reveals that Ellie knew that Joel had lied before she went to Seattle, but I think that the way the game switched between Ellie and Abby felt very weird. I didn’t exactly rush through Abby’s scenes, but the cliffhanger between Abby pointing a gun at Ellie and then switching to Abby’s story years before felt super jarring, and it made me more resistant to trying to understand Abby at first. I think the switch between perspectives could have been set up differently for a more satisfying playthrough.

I swear to you, I hated the rat king with every fiber of my being. I was already so creeped out by exploring ground zero -- the sheer amount of anxiety I had as I was searching for those damn supplies was intense, and then having to constantly run from the rat king or be killed felt like complete insanity -- and I played on the easiest setting! I wish they had some sort of way to opt out of those things for those interested in seeing the story play out. I know a lot of people who struggle with the combat mechanics but who want to see Ellie’s story.

In fact, slogging through all the infected in general felt really tedious. 

Yara’s death felt like it did absolutely nothing for the plot and only served to further the pain of Abby and Lev. We had already seen how vicious both the Seraphites and the Wolves could be -- the point didn’t need to be driven home by such a senseless death. Even though I also hated Mel’s death, I could see how it played into the confrontation with Abby and Ellie -- why should Abby care about Dina’s pregnancy when Ellie hadn’t extended the same mercy to Mel? Abby couldn’t have known that Ellie didn’t know. But Yara’s death served no good purpose, and I’m still pissed about it. Also, why the fuck would you kill her after the HELL the players go through to get the supplies to save her and actually have Mel be able to save her only to kill her off shortly after? It makes zero sense.

I also really hated Jesse’s death. He seemed like such a good person and his death was so unnecessary -- especially since Tommy got to live. His family and JJ and hell, Ellie and Dina, even, didn’t deserve to lose him, especially as he hadn’t even done anything to Abby. Ugh.

When Tommy pulled out that map and started talking about having a lead, I felt every bit of Dina’s outrage at the situation. Their need for vengeance had already cost everyone so damn much, and it seemed absolutely bonkers that Tommy wanted to go after her again -- especially when he had seemed perfectly okay at the theater to pack up and go home with Abby still alive. He went from “Are you good with that?” about leaving Abby alive to “You made me a promise” to Ellie when Ellie says she won’t. Ellie had Dina, a baby, and some serious PTSD -- she had no business being set back on that path, but Tommy didn’t seem bothered by any of that. 

Was it not enough to make Ellie lose her family, but make her lose her fingers, too? I appreciated the game’s constant insistence on the consequences of your actions in this survive at all costs kind of world, but it seemed like a lot for Ellie to wind up losing her fingers in the end. Blah.

What I Have Mixed Feelings About:

I was not as upset about the ending as most people seem to be. I think it says a lot that Ellie went all that way to Santa Barbara and in the end, spared Abby’s life -- in the same way that Abby initially refused to fight Ellie. It felt like they were both fighting someone else’s fight and were finally tired enough to let it die. It did feel pretty frustrating that she went all the way out there, nearly died, and lost two of her fingers to kill Abby, only to not end up doing it and thus negating the whole damn trip, but I also feel like Ellie needed the sort of closure that trip brought. In the end, it was her decision to let Abby live -- a choice that had not been given to her years prior, when Joel took her from that hospital. I like to think that she finally understood Joel’s decision.

When Dina refused to support Ellie going back after Abby, I wasn’t surprised, and I didn’t really blame her. I was even pissed that Ellie chose to go after what had happened last time, and I couldn’t really understand why she’d be so willing to leave her family behind when this had already played out so poorly for her before. I also wasn’t surprised when Ellie returned to find an empty house -- I’d imagine that taking care of a farm and a baby at the same time would likely be too much for Dina, and I just assume she moved back to Jackson, where she’d have help. Either way, I’d love to know if Dina was fully done with Ellie for good, or if she’d accept her back if Ellie went to find her. I know that the loss of their relationship is a direct result of Ellie’s actions and the fact that she prioritized killing Abby over staying with her family, but goddammit, I just want a happy lgbt ending for once.

I was genuinely excited to have a trans character in the game. I cannot express enough how much I adore Lev. In a way, his and Abby’s relationship reminds me a lot of Joel and Ellie’s in the first game. They depend on each other, and they obviously really care about each other. One of the things that super bothered me was the storyline with his mother. We already know that he’s pretty much cast out and hunted for being trans -- so we can see the horror of it. It was rough enough to know that his own mother could turn away from him and condemn him like all the rest, but having her attack him and forcing him to kill her in self-defense felt like a lot. I just can’t imagine how triggering that might feel for trans people playing the game.

[marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches]

Oh my goodness, I didnt see the link to your fanfic account! I am dumb. So ignore my previous ask and instead answer this one for the meme. 13, 3, 14, 1 and 2 for Happiness goes on? (I shall leave reviews on your beautiful fanfic soon I promise, they are good.)

(Hiii, sooo…this whole reply is late because I actually typed up ALL OF THIS last night, and then accidentally “x”-ed out of my browser and lost it all, because I am very very stupid. And then was too tired to retype it up before going to sleep. I hope I remember roughly everything, and apologies for that mistake.)

Oh! Haha! Alright then! Thank you! Don’t feel dumb at all for not realizing which AO3 account is mine or for your previous ask(which for others who are curious, said: “1 - 5 for all your fics! Just talk about your favs!”). I was prepared to choose 3 fics (including “Happiness Goes On” since that’s definitely the one I’m most proud of, so I guess that’s closest to a “favorite” right?), and go through the first 5 questions for each, though I won’t lie and say it wouldn’t have taken some time to answer.

BUUUT…since you said to scrap that first ask, I’ll answer these individual ones for “Happiness Goes On.” And your compliment and promise for a future review means SO goddamn much, thank you sincerely.

(WARNING / REMINDER: This is about my fic that deals with the subject of child molestation, and I do reference that a little bit in this reply. Don’t read further if it makes you uncomfortable, which I entirely understand and respect.)

**********

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

HA! Well, American Pie obviously, for a majority of it. While brainstorming / writing / editing the epilogue? A lotta Billy Joel. ;)

The idea to use American Pie bounced into my brain when it came on the radio at the thrift shop where I volunteer, one of the rare times my own music speaker battery died. Usually a disaster, because our store radio is pretty crappy, but the sound quality wasn’t too bad that day, and I rediscovered how much I love that song and ‘Why isn’t this on my ipod again?’. Listening to the lyrics, I realized how much some of them fit the Guardians in general, and this story specifically, which I have Gamora mentally note in the fic. I was sitting and casually chatting with the manager while also thinking, ‘Google what year this came out when you get home, but I’m sure it’s the 70′s. Peter would know it, and it could be the Zune. I think it could work.’ I’m proud that I was able to reference the song so many times without actually naming it by title, but I assume most readers knew what it was, it’s just that famous. (I also couldn’t resist the light-hearted joke, later when things calmed down, of Gamora saying “This…is the longest song…I have ever heard.” and Peter smiling without even looking at her and giving a cheeky “I know.”)

In terms of using Billy Joel for the epilogue, I’m just a Billy Joel fanatic. The use of him for this story began just from the We Didn’t Start the Fire joke toward Rocket at the bar (I thought it was clever, Peter!), and later on I saw how The Longest Time fit romantically for Starmora, and some of the lyrics matched the healing themes of the overall story, and I thought ‘Maybe they’ve been playing BIlly Joel since that night; maybe that can be the joke.’ Why shouldn’t his Greatest Hits albums (at least) be on the Zune? I struggled a lot over what song should be the final one Gamora comments on before they switch artists to appease the group. I never specify which romantic Billy Joel song Peter and Gamora slow danced to during their “date night” in that six-week summary, but I like to imagine it was Just the Way You Are. I considered Keeping the Faith or Vienna for the final one, but I thought they deserved something more fun and naughty to analyze this time, so Only the Good Die Young it is. :D

In conclusion, I listened to The Longest Time, and the entire An Innocent Man studio album, a lot (as if I needed an excuse).3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

The portion in italics is my favorite line, but I’m including the entire sentence for context purposes: “She would need to grow used to him viewing Yondu as a caring parent who was extraordinarily protective of his boy, and would have hunted down this pervert to whistle a glowing arrow through her skull.”14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Ohh geez, wow, that one is tough. I don’t know if it’s accurate to say this story was intended to educate, but just to explore the idea with fictional characters. I have no expertise on the subject, and would never claim such, or talk down to those who do. I didn’t intend to create a PSA. I suppose all of the “lessons” for Peter (if they can be called that) I hope all readers already know and agree on (basically a collection of “it wasn’t your fault” and “this doesn’t define you” and “trauma isn’t a competition, someone else suffering worse doesn’t invalidate your experience” and “you should feel comfortable talking about anything without judgement or shame” etc.).

Slightly lesser scale messages, there’s also reminders about the importance of communication, trusting each other, letting the other person speak in an argument, not letting one’s jealousy/instincts/bad mood interfere with fairness, not running away from a fight or staying angry, respecting boundaries and privacy, all that healthy relationship jazz that these two are still figuring out. 1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

This post is already very long, and I could probably talk for hours about the decision-making process for many scenes (of my GotG fics, this took the longest to write and publish, over 2 months), so I’ll try to condense this to a few bullet points that probably don’t fit the “inspired” criteria.

- It was originally going to be in two parts, 4 scenes each, when I thought the epilogue would be much shorter. But as the lil’ wrap-up got longer (because we needed a fluffy conclusion, dammit!), I decided to make it a separate “chapter.”

- I think the concept probably started as one of those strange, angsty “what if?” scenarios I make up in my head at night that I still can’t believe I created into a full-fledged work. I liked the idea of Peter and Gamora having this conversation and her comforting him, but I knew if I was really going to throw it out there for other fans, it had be more balanced with happier moments, too. I just know I was always going to make the offender a woman - both because it would lead to the misunderstanding that she was a past consensual hook-up when Peter was an adult to spark some irritation and jealousy in Gamora, and because it’s realistically different from other sexual assault stories, since women can be pedophiles and child predators too, and they’re just as horrible. :(

- The fanfic idea of “Gamora accidentally starts a fire while trying to cook, and Peter falsely accuses and lashes out at Rocket” was in my head before, but there were two key differences. 1) It was the entire plot, not a light-hearted subplot in the shadows of something bigger, 2) Meredith’s letter was either fully or partially burnt as a result of the fire. By the end Gamora was going to confess it was her fault, that she was trying to surprise Peter by cooking spaghetti, and he would apologize both to her and to Rocket for losing his temper and getting so angry. I hated that idea later and found it too sad (he’s already lost the Walkman and second cassette tape, why would I want him to lose even more from his mother?), and in “Spark My Memory” (the Christmas fic I wrote for “12 Days of Starmora”) the Guardians put his mother’s letter in the photo album gift for Peter, completely safe and unharmed. I like to keep all my fanfics canon-compliant and non-contradictory from each other, so the letter is fine, no burning it.

Yet “Gamora started a fire cooking” still seemed fun to me, as I like the idea that she’s so badass and skilled and intelligent, but failed at something so domestic and simple. Kinda cute. I was so excited to insert it into this, because I think it worked on multiple levels. It’s a driving force for the plot (the reason the team go to the restaurant and they stumble upon that particular waitress), the reason Gamora was already in a bad mood during her fight with Peter, it could be used as a metaphor/comparison for Peter’s anxiety and Gamora’s guilt, it was something for the Guardians to put at a higher priority to tease and mock Gamora for while oblivious to the main story, something for Peter to just break down into giggles over once they changed the subject (because he earned a good laugh after that heartbreaking and vulnerable childhood trauma story), an excuse to give Rocket so many funny lines, an overall silly and sitcommy-style subplot to fall back on, and a sweet “victory!” for Gamora to have (sort of?) conquered by the epilogue. ^_^2: What scene did you first put down?

This is easy. I’ve written all but one (8 out of 9) of my fanfics in order, except for “Just Like Everybody Else.” So ya, I wrote the opening scene first, Baby Groot’s magic trick lesson and Peter’s oh-so-cruel “can only be seen once” deception. I needed to ease readers (and myself) into the angst and heavy shit to follow, and that cute idea had also been in the back of my mind for a while. ^_^

**********

PHEW, OKAY, ALL RE-TYPED! Thank you again SO MUCH for the lovely ask and wonderful questions, your actual interest and curiosity thrilled me! You see I wasn’t kidding about the incessant babbling. :P

Thank you also for the kudos you left on AO3, and take care!~

[shawnskeds]

All The Things I Love About You {S.M}

non-requested// imagine where you feel as if you aren’t good enough for someone as great as shawn and he tells you everything he loves about you

author’s note// did you guys know LITERALLY all i fucking care about is taylor swift she is the ONLY woman i will ever love go buy look what you made me do on itunes RIGHT FUCKIN NOW

masterlist 

Shawn was perfect. It didn’t take a genius to understand that Shawn was overall the perfect man. He was the best boyfriend any girl could ever dream for, and he was fucking famous for crying out loud. He had countless fanfiction shit and stuff on the internet, and it was all so accurate. All of those dumb ridiculously gross relationship goal stuff all of the twelve year old girls wanted, was exactly what he did. He posted pictures online with you, much to his publicists dismay as she said it may cause a slight uproar in his fanbase if he were to announce he was in a relationship. He didn’t care at all, he posted photos with you, of you, posted mushy captions, all of the stuff teenage girls make edits of and post on tumblr. He took you on dates, but weirdly personal dates. Like he would take you on a picnic to a little hill by your house or that italian restaurant that was tucked away in the western corner of your town that you just loved. He took you on tour, when you could of course, and he always made sure he made time for you whenever he possibly could. 

But it was all just… way too good to be true. 

You considered yourself to be incredibly average. You didn’t have an extraordinary job, you were an architect. You had a pretty great job at a firm, which was amazing for your age and the fact you were a female but it was nothing compared to your chart topping pop star boyfriend. He was absolutely stunning, one of the most beautiful man you had ever seen in your whole life. His body was perfect, there was seemingly no flaws. Even the scar on his cheek he had gotten using his dad’s razor when he was younger that bothered him so much was the cutest thing ever. He was hot as all hell, girls wrote friggin sex fantasies about him online. You thought it was super weird, yeah sure, but still they existed. He was genuinely perfect in every single way and you were mediocre at best. 

You didn’t consider yourself super hot, and you weren’t super tiny, which is apparently what everyone thought Shawn needed. Someone considerably shorter than him, and tiny overall. You weren’t that. You were shorter than him, sure but it was due to the fact that he was more of a tower than a man, but you weren’t super tiny. You didn’t look amazing in a bikini, you don’t wear a size extra small, and overall, you just didn’t think you were what Shawn deserved. He deserved the perfect girl, and you didn’t deserve him. 

But, that was just what you thought, not what Shawn thought. When you met Shawn at gross little coffee shop in Texas, he thought you were absolutely radiating. He thought you were the prettiest thing he had ever seen, with your glowing caramel skin, and long deep ebony hair. He was dumbfounded by your beauty, how your body wasn’t one of a super model but you made it look absolutely lovely. What he loved most was that you had no idea how absolutely gorgeous you were. He hated seeing all of these admittedly stunning women at events and parties, who just know they are one of the most gorgeous human beings in the world. You were even more stunning than all of those girls he had ever seen combined, and you weren’t even aware. 

He tells you ever since then he has been absolutely smitten. So in love with you, maybe even disgustingly in love with you. You just didn’t find it realistic. You didn’t find it realistic that this perfect human being saw you as an equally perfect human. You didn’t vocalize it too much, but he knew. He knew you felt insecure. Sure, he wasn’t sure of the extent of the fact, but he knew. 

“C’mon honey, please? You haven’t sat in on Q&A in forever.” Shawn whined, trying to pull you off of the couch that you were firmly planted on in Shawn’s dressing room for the venue that night. 

“I don’t like them, I feel uncomfortable. I’m not even semi ready. I’m wearing one of your sweatshirts and shorts. I can’t go, and I don’t want to.” You told him for what felt like the eightieth time in the past five minutes.Yet, he continued to try and pull you up. “Shawn, seriously I don’t want to.” You stated as monotone as you could physically could manage. You couldn’t show any weakness in a situation like this, he was the type to call of his Q&A to talk to you and make you feel better. You hated when he did that, you hated when he would put you before that kind of stuff, it made you feel like a controlling bitch, even though every single time he told you that it was his decision, not yours, and he is more than willing to tell anyone who asks that very thing. 

“Honey, come on. They love you they always do.” Shawn knew he was lying right through his teeth. They never loved her. At best, they completely ignored her, which is what Shawn considered ‘love’ even though it was just not being a complete asshole. 

“They literally never love me, Shawn. Last time a girl told me to hang myself with one of your broken guitar strings.” It was actually incredibly sad that you weren’t exaggerating, she had actually said that. She had used her question to ask if you could do that, which was the fucking saddest thing you’d ever heard. 

“It won’t happen this time, I promise.” He let go of your hands, knowing for a fact that you wouldn’t be going with him. He looked at you with sad eyes, pulling his blue button up sleeves up to his elbows, his muscular forearms tensed up a bit and you felt a knot in your stomach. 

“Shawn, they’re right.” You groaned, pulling yourself up and somehow dodging him, which was impressive since he was such a tall muscular guy. He scoffed a little, folding his arms as you started to pace around his dressing room, your socks picking up some static electricity as you dragged your feet across the carpet. 

“If you’re saying you should hang yourself…” He chuckled, and you quickly whipped your body to face him, a glare on your face. 

“No, Shawn. They are all right.” You started, pulling the ends of your hair that was up in a ponytail to your fingers, fiddling around with the ends of it. His arms dropped to his side and his head tilted to the side a little bit, a few of his curls falling into his eyes. He started to look sad, and he knew what you were about to say was going to break his heart. “I’m not good enough for you.” You whispered, looking down at your feet. 

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Shawn hissed, taking small careful steps towards you until he was only inches away from you. 

“Shawn, I’m just not good enough for you. You’re fucking perfect, you’re the perfect man and I’m just…” You tried to think of the correct word to use but it just wasn’t coming to your brain. “me.” You sighed, looking up at him. You could feel his breath on your forehead, he was that close to you, yet you weren’t touching. His arms were shaking just a bit, so you could tell he wanted to pull you close and hold you badly but he was scared. You were glad he didn’t though, you may have started crying. 

“Do I need to list every single thing that I love about you?” He simply stated, looking you straight in your eyes. You shook your head quickly, not wanting him to waste anymore time on your insecurity than he already has. 

“No Shawn, it’s fine, i’ll get over myself, it’s ju-” He cut you off as he grabbed both of your hands. 

“The way you smile, the way you laugh when I say something that isn’t even remotely funny, the way you get so passionate about those fucking blueprints for some class that I can’t even begin to understand, how you get so emotionally invested in those Grey’s Anatomy characters to the point of tears over the fact that Christina and Owen broke up, how you taught yourself piano because you wanted to be able to play while I sing, the way you smell like peaches every single day, how incredibly aware you are of social issues, how you literally went to a black lives matter protest on your birthday because you said that was the real important stuff, how the music on your phone literally only consists of my stuff, Taylor Swift, and Billy Joel-” You laughed a little, cutting him off. 

“I also have the whole season one of Glee soundtrack.” You swung you and Shawn’s hands back and forth a little bit. It made your whole body feel warm and happy over the fact that he saw all of these little things about you and thought about how much he loved you. He noticed things more than your body and the way you moaned his name. He noticed all of those little things, those dumb things you had barely even thought about. “Shawn, I love you so much. I seriously do, and you mean everything to but I-” He took one of his hands and placed his pointer finger over your lips. 

“But nothing.” He pulled you into a big bear hug, his arms wrapping completely around your body, making you feel like you were in a huge cocoon of love. You wrapped your arms around him, trying to make your hands meet so you can fully hug him back. “It doesn’t matter if I am a pop star or a dumpster diver or if you’re an architect or a screamo lead singer. It doesn’t matter, I love you and you love me. Literally, the only thing that matters. I don’t wanna hear anymore of this ‘not good enough’ shit, got it?” He stated, trying to sound somewhat powerful and dominant. He wasn’t always good at seeming dominant and scary. 

“Sh-” 

“Got it?” He boomed, squeezing you just a little tired. 

“Got it.” You grumbled, “I’m still not going to your Q&A”

author’s note// this was deadass just me going on about how hot shawn is also buy look what you made me do on itunes

[lahirusamarasinghe]

April Favorites

Today’s the last day of April, and anyone who has been following this blog or has read the title of this post knows that this means that I am going to write about my favorite things for the month of April. I do this because it gives me a break from having to think too hard about what I have to write and because it’s a fun thing to do! Let’s go ahead and get started.

1. Bojack Horseman

(Before I go on to say anything, can we appreciate 

This first on my list is the Netflix show Bojack Horseman. The show is about the title character, a washed-up 90s tv star from a “Full House” type show who is trying to maintain his fame. The show takes place in Hollywoo (yes, I spelled that correctly), home to the stars in a world where humans and animals live in tandem, as if the animals were humans themselves. The show has a really dry sense of humor, and isn’t afraid to approach the dark side of life, which really helps develop Bojack as a full character. You learn that even though he has this life of fame and fortune and can basically get whatever he wants, whenever he wants, he isn’t necessarily always happy, and actually spends most of his life otherwise. I think that’s one of the things that I like about this show. The fact that this cartoon with talking, while intended as a comedy, can get depressing and sad an real at times, somehow makes it more realistic than a live-action comedy with human actors.

So if you’re into that, I’d definitely recommend checking it out!

2. Candles

Okay, look, I know that I’m late to the game. Candles have already become a thing, but until this school year, I was never really faced with a need for them! Allow me to explain: both of my roommates are Indian, and thus, they cook a lot of Indian food in the apartment. Now, the smell of Indian food is quite good, but only when it is attached to food, not when it is attached to a PERSON. Call me crazy, but I don’t feel the need to smell like whatever eccentric mixture of spices my roommates decided to use on their food today. So, I invested in candles! Leaving one lit (lol ayyyyyyyy......I’m sorry) for about an hour not only fills my room with whatever delightful scent I’ve chosen. I’ve used a variety of scents over the past year, but I’ve found that my favorite has been the vanilla-scented one. Not only does it smell like what I assume fairy farts smells like, but it’s so distinct that I can easily tell when I’ve left the candle on for long enough to complete eradicate the other smells in the room. Hint for college kids: I know that for a higher price you can get a huge variety of smells, but the dollar section of any Walgreens/CVS-type store has a solid collection as well, so I’d start there first.

3. Vienna by Billy Joel

Now, this may have been in a favorites post before, because this has been my favorite song of all time for quite a while now. I don’t particularly know what the song is about, but the lyrics are clearly very personal to Billy Joel, the legendary rock icon who sings the song. Somehow, his closeness to the song accompanied with its overall vibe makes it very relatable and meaningful, despite the mysterious lyrics. It’s soulful, sad, and hopeful, all at the same time, which is probably why its so effective at making me feel better whenever I listen to it. The original song sung by Joel can be listened to here, while an Ariana Grande cover (I can see your skepticism, but it’s good) can be found here. Additionally, a short cover of the song by Lennon Stella of Lennon and Maisy, who I wrote about in my VERY FIRST FAVORITES POST can be found here.

4. Moana

Okay, something else that I am late to the game for. Look, I loved this movie. And I haven’t had a chance to talk about it before so I’m going to talk about it now. This movie was all about embracing who you are and finding the strength in being that person. It’s about having something to believe in. It’s about loving where you come from. All the messages in this movie were so strong and important, and the fact that the main character was a strong, brown girl made it even more important to me. Children’s movies need diversity now more than ever, which is one of the things that makes this movie so significant. Not to mention that the animation and music in this movie were beautiful, too.

5. You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

This is Pete Holmes. He is currently my favorite standup comedian. And he has a podcast in which he has deep and intense conversations with other comedians. What’s so great about this podcast is that there really aren’t any limits. Pete isn’t really afraid to take the conversation into uncomfortable places (aka “make it weird”). In doing so, we get a glimpse into the perspectives of these various comedians. More importantly, we get a glimpse into perspectives that may not match our own. The main three themes that Holmes tries to hit with his guest are comedy, love, and religion, three very multifaceted topics. Despite the depth reached in these conversations, there is always room saved for laughter. So if you love comedy, or thoughtful conversations, or jsut thinking in general, give this show a listen. You can find it here.

Well, that’s all I have for this month. It’s weird, I actually found this more time-consuming and difficult to write than some of my other posts. It’s probably because in previous posts, I usually have a train of thought to hitch a ride on while I write the post. Here, I was kind of coming up with things on the spot, since I didn’t have my favorites planned out (note for next time). But I hoped you enjoyed reading this, and that you found out about something that you might consider checking out.

Like candles, I heard they’re in now.