#i am using them to make my argument.
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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just love hearing kieran culkin talk about succession/roman because he always talks about, like, the process of it and it’s so interesting — the scenes that are kept, the scenes that are taken out, the choices writers made he didn’t agree with, the choices he made that the writers (originally) didn’t agree with…. always really hammers in not only how collaborative the show is in that input from the actors is taken very seriously but also just how much culkin cares about roman like as a character? which i mean ya know all actors do. but culkin always talks about being a fan of the show first and an actor in it second and i think that’s such a huge thing. like, the way he cares about roman isn’t just as the actor playing him, it’s as a fan of the show — he’s approaching it not just from, like, a This Is My Job angle but also from the perspective of a fan who is just genuinely invested in the character of roman and would feel frustrated if they saw him do something that didn’t feel in-line with his character! kc would hate tumblr just like he hates all social media but he would indeed kill it on here
#i specifically love it bc that’s the exact way i am as an actor. i’m not a bitch to directors bc ultimately it is their project but if my#character does something that just feels unlike them then i say something#which maybe feels obvious but idk in my experience i’m usually one of the only actors to kind of approach it from that kind of angle idk#and to each their own!!! i just get invested in my roles and it feels like a betrayal when i’m made to do something they wouldn’t do like i#just feels Wrong#and i’ve never really heard any professional tv etc actor openly talk ab doing the same thing#like it’s always just oh the directors/writers are great they give lots of lee way but i do what they say etc etc etc but kc’s answers r so#interesting and just really emphasize how like. invested he is in roman. in the same way so many of us losers are#idk not working this well i’m tired#succession#kieran culkin#and also like. how he openly admits when he was making the wrong choice and realized it eventually and it played better doing#it a different way! idk. i just feel like i never see actors talking this candidly about how episodes are actually MADE#like you never hear about the arguments offscreen about what a character should or should not do#but it's so fucking interesting like i could listen to him talk about it all day and night!!!! i wanna know more!!!
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bad astrology by flower face
#yellowjackets#jackieshauna#ITS DONE OMG ITS FINISHED#what do I do now. with my life (ranking)#also ive decided i am gonna do literary analysis. on all of em#literally i have NO idea if anyone cares. well. i do bc I care and tbh that's enough to me#<- guys look im living so healthy#anyways this was a blast#hope somebody has at least discovered flower face trhu me bc its one of my fav artists#mitos incredible life#mine art tag#also im sorry the like long scenes 3 and 4 arent on beat :/ i love that song but it has so long instrumental stuff and idk what to do there#ALSO!! i had it all planned out like at least half in my docs (like always)#and then in the middle i was like 'omg what if I only show jackie-after-the-argument and shauna-after-jackies-dead'#(excluding the argument and the flashbacks (they used to hear us thru the floor))#which was. restricting. very much#also meaning was changed (originally wanted jackie to have the line 'idc if ure not made for me' but the only scene i could think of was th#ure hungry for and that was the next scene already so.)#anyways this was originally gonna be lottienat before i started with The Shark In Your Water#bc I thiught it fit them SO well. (still do) but now I like have to get away from the jackieshauna thought and then ill do the lottienat#probably#omg also I want everyone (who has read this far. whoever would do that) to know i was running on like 25 screen#recordings and 3 jackieshauna scene packs form yt#that's why. I dknt have that many clips alright im not using like 10 scenes over n over on purpose#gotta go but im gonna make a wrap post thingy once im back slay#no actually I get like average 7 notes (<- that's a lie Idk bc I didnt count) but im proud of myself this is amazing#ive wanted to do smth similiar alr#but it was some album by alec benjamin and a different thing for every song (like a poem‚ a painting or a play)#but I lost motivation this is the first thing that i actually pulled though all the way I think#jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water
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"Rodimus is a better Prime because it didn't hurt for him to bond with the Matrix while for Optimus it did" headcanon/theory my beloathed.
One day I'm literally gonna snap and make a whole post addressing why what's wrong bc I'm tired of the inaccuracy and tired of ppl not understanding the Point TM of IDW and its version of the Matrix/Primacy and even more tired of people putting down Optimus in favor of Rodimus by essentially arguing that being unworthy means you deserve to be punished/put in pain bc you just weren't good enough to hold the Symbol of Ultimate Authority
#it's wrong on so many levels both in terms of lore and as well as like what the general themes of idw1 are#it's just a validation contest using the matrix as some magical symbol to decide who's the most special#which is ironically something that was a plot point in exrid/OP. specifically how stupid of an idea that is ldskjflksd#ppl revealing that they havent read anything besides mtmte/ll as usual#like half the reason ppl think optimus is a bad prime and rodimus is a good prime is literally bc like#optimus was written by an author who was specifically trying to deconstruct him (sometimes to the point of absurdity)#and rodimus was written by an author who takes a more optimistic/idealistic approach. and is also better at writing#but also like am i seriously the only person who thinks that that argument is fucked up?????#like 'OP felt pain which means he's unworthy/not a real prime/not a true leader'#ok so you think that there's a hierarchy of moral goodness in which anyone who falls short of that Moral Ideal should suffer#as a sign of their unworthiness?? like does that not sound dystopian as hell to any of you?? why would you WANT the matrix to work like tha#even if the theory were true (which it isn't) why would you view the matrix as a good authoritative moral judge of character#if its idea of 'moral judgement' is to inflict pain on anyone who's supposedly not truly good/worthy#wasn't the entire point of the ending of LL (including rodimus being a good leader) that everyone is worth it?#like rodimus literally said 'you ARE damn well good enough' or something like that#so what? everyone else in the universe tries their best and that's enough but somehow when OP suffers it's like#a sign that he's not actually a good prime/leader?? we're really going with the punitive perspective purely for One Guy??#swear to god ppl are projecting their authority issues onto Optimus the way they shit on him for things they would excuse#if any other character did it#Optimus is uniquely deserving of pain/being marked as unworthy bc idk he was a cop once and that offends my delicate sensibilities#what's even funnier is how much harm was inflicted by rodimus as a captain sheerly due to his stupidity or ego but everyone forgives him#i guess bc as long as the matrix likes him that means he's valid no matter what he actually does as a person#WHICH IS SOMETHING IDW ITSELF ARGUED AGAINST BC A LOT OF THE PRIMES THAT WERE CHOSEN BY THE MATRIX#WERE DICKS AND THE FACT THEY COULD WIELD THE MATRIX DIDN'T MAKE THEM GOOD PEOPLE#like oh my god stop using the matrix as an arbiter of moral authority in idw1 it literally goes against the themes of the story#including the themes that are embodied in rodimus himself#idw op love
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Sometimes I think the 911 fandom can't be that bad, but then I remember I was posting about 911 for less than a day before I got my first "you're just a white bitch fetishizing two straight guys" and it was in reply to a post I didn't even mention Eddie.
#it's been over 2 years and I still don't know why they highlighted the fact I'm white#i mean i am but like why#also the post was about my issues with Taylor kissing Buck in 4x14#and how the should've just made them have a moment and kiss without feeding into the issue they created about Buck and consent#and now i use that in my Buck needs to make a move on Eddie argument#even if i never wrote the part of the actual problems with consent they create#but i didn't even mention Eddie#legit didn't mention him#so like#yeah#thoughts thoughts thoughts
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WHY is emailing potential supervisors so intimidating. like hey esteemed academic in the field i aspire to become qualified in do you want to put up with my stupid fucking research project. do you want me to plague you with emails for the next year. do you want me to ruin your fucking life you poor innocent soul ensnared by your duties to inarticulate sleep deprived classics students. god
#like what the fuck do i even say#do i use his first and last name ??? do i call him professor ?????? do i say dear or is that too formal ?????#how do i explain my dissertation topic when i don't have an actual title or line of argument yet#maybe i'll just attach an image of a statue of caesar and be like “discuss”#FUCKKFKDJFLJ;ASF fuck#i'm so scared. he's written so many amazing papers on roman republican art and i've read like all of them#i didn't think he'd be my supervisor because he usually does phd stuff#but my lecturer was like nah email him he'll want to see your ideas#THAT MAKES IT FUCKING SCARIER I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEAS BROTHER#i haven't done enough reading yet to have formed my own opinion or argument#he's going to think i am a fucking idiot
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i will never understand the "stop casting straight actors as gay characters" argument. people just wanna out gay actors so they can have a better grasp on who to hate.
#like this is notttt the argument u think it is#'gay roles should be reserved for gay actors' TURN ON UR BRAIN#i understand wanting to have more queer actors and to have them get more recognition. that's completely fine and im all for that.#what im NOT for is trying to enforce that every gay character has to be played by a gay actor#like did u guys learn nothing from kit connor#or all of the other actors that were forcibly outed due to this argument. like seriously.#im sorry im ranting but dear lord man#i just saw a clip of a decently popular influencer saying shit like this and it makes me so upset. esp coming from a queer creator.#celebrities owe us nothing. absolutely fucking nothing.#they dont owe us that knowledge abt themselves and we should not feel like we're entitled to it just bc two men kissed on screen!! goodness#celebrities are people and they deserve their own privacy and to have their journeys on their own time just like everyone else#they dont even need to have a journey!!!! they don't have to do anything!!! they can just live their lives!!!!!#idk man this really gets under my skin#stop trying to force people to come out just so u can make sure the very little amount of queer media we get is 'genuine' or whatever#like u sound ignorant and bigoted dude cmon now#am i gonna get hate for this i swear#anyway rant done its 1:30 am im gonna go back to! writing!#long tags#rant
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i’ve been trying to get through hoh for literally like a week now but it’s so hard bc the way my fave nico is treated is absolutely ABYSMAL and i know it only gets worse
#personal#even hazel being like ‘yeah he’s hard to get along with’ or whatever she said#every single non-tartarus perspective has had at least one reference to this#and like i understand the reasons it’s not that it’s that it highlights this issue i have with a lot of the characters in that series which#is that i don’t like them. and that’s so different for me bc i actually usually find that my two favorite characters in anything are the tw#that don’t like each other? unrelated to that dynamic usually mostly but still within it#but that’s not even what the dynamic is yk.#and it’s just the whole thing overall like in the last book there was one part where these two characters who are supposed to be good#friends are separated and one makes a comment about how annoying (or something along those lines) she finds the other which.#i’m vaguely aware of what happens in toa so i think you could argue something about that but read on its own bc i don’t want to make that#argument without fully grasping where her character goes#it just kinda reinforces this… vibe to the whole series that was not nearly as present in the first series of like. really overemphasized#like gender roles/heterosexuality/etc. i can’t think of the word to use to describe it. i’ve seen other ppl talk about the parts that add u#to the whole that i’ve seen but never synthesize them. and it really varies between actually insidious and simply not my taste which is par#of the reason i hesitate to make a full critique out of it. but suffice to say i really don’t like it#with that being said the pacing of this book is really good and i am compelled to finish based on the themes i do find interesting#autonomy being a huge one#but anyway those are my thoughts on it after a few days of a break. i’ve been playing a video game instead :3 but i start work on wednesday#sooo i won’t have as much free time boo#looking back maybe ‘insidious’ is a very strong word for it. i’m talking about like when percy complains about the bag and similar moments
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one thing I really like about the no mercy route is the phrasing of some of the dialogue shaming you for… going out of your way to commit a tedious, inconvenient, and not even enjoyable mass murder. Specifically, what the characters call you. Because for obvious reasons, they’re not gonna say “you monster!!” But I think it also probably posed a unique writing challenge (or provided a blessing?) for Toby, especially considering the purpose of the no mercy route being so judgmental of you in the first place.
like. we all know that when certain phrases get used and re-used countless times across All of Media and also real life, it starts to lose its meaning right? So aside from the watsonian reasons for why the characters of undertale wouldn’t use ‘monster’ as a synonym for ‘needlessly cruel and evil person’, the doylist choice here is kind of fascinating to me. A little bit inspired imo
cause it just feels worse to have sans or whoever else say “you’re just a gross person, huh?” Or “you’re really a freak.” after an observation/remark of what you’ve done. and it feels like that because the characters in the game literally can’t use a certain phrase we’d normally glance over.
but it also feels like that, because their observations of you are more precise that way. Cause it directs your attention to what could be ignored through vague platitudes like “you really are a monster” or whatever; the ugly truth. To simply state the truth about your actions is what makes the route so uncomfortable. Because the truth is that you are the source of discomfort, which you can’t avoid recognizing, even for a second. You could just ditch this playthrough and start a pacifist run At Any Point In Time, but for some reason you’re dedicated to killing all your nice little cartoon friends. And that’s weird.
idk I just think its neat
#Seeing the stark truth of your own actions and being met with incredulous disgust#It’s just the seasoning on top that I think also makes this for me.#Ofc the main strength of the no mercy run is the strong arguments against any reasons you’d have to be doing this#This is just something that I think prompts deeper thinking. n might have even made some players reflect on the arguments made in the game#and go ‘yeah you know what why AM I doing this. Obligation? Curiousity? Bragging rights? …are those really worth it?’#Ut#undertale#going post#Undertale hyperfixation grabbed me by the throat but im not done with my doctor who era yet… Jesus christ#anyway that’s not the only reason I’m writing abt this#I just wanna remember and internalize this little writing quirk of undertale so I can be more conscious of phrases like this & know when to#when not to use them. depending on how much I want to make an audience rlly think abt the words being said#I think it’s neat! Teehee ^_^
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i need to post about palestine on facebook but i'm fucking terrified
#i went to a very jewish college and a very decent percentage of my fb 'friends' are jewish zionists.#i don't use fb often but when i've checked recently‚ i've found a handful of pro-israel posts‚ and they've been well-received.#i have seen one person put a palestine frame on their profile picture. they got a small‚ mostly positive but some negative‚ response.#that's all the reference i have here.#and very importantly: i feel like pretty much anything i say is going to be received as goysplaining.#i think my best bet is to stay away from historical arguments (like‚ yes palestine does actually exist‚ yes it was bad to force them off of#their land in the first place‚ etc)#and also avoid my personal feelings on this re: my relationship with judaism (which is integral to the message i want to send but w/e)#and focus on israel's very obvious current indefensible actions.#however. i feel like i'm doing the movement a disservice if i don't call for a free palestine and explain what that actually means.#but doing that would increase my risk of getting dogpiled from 'high' to 'inevitable'.#and i am not articulate!!! people might try to rebut me‚ and i am very bad at debate!!!!!!! i have multiple anxiety disorders!!!!!!#and people get fired over this kind of thing. i know the chance is small‚ but i don't know if i want to risk my career over this.#my gut is telling me to wait until i'm sure. but i don't know if or when that will happen.#i want to change *someone's* mind‚ but idk if i'll even be able to do that. maybe just my uninformed hometown gentile friends'.#i want to do this before it's 'too late'. but what does 'too late' mean here? my fb friends aren't launching the missiles.#i suppose my goal is to help turn the tide of public opinion‚ in the hopes that that'll affect the politicians/corps at play here.#but maybe i'm more likely to do that by marching. making posters. talking to acquaintances. who knows what else.#just because i don't *see* those minds change doesn't mean they're not changing. maybe those minds are actually more likely to change.#txt
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can't believe people """only"""" (bc we all know you can only talk about one singular thing and care about one thing at a time) want to talk about taylor's album and not the ever present horrors of the world. can't believe that so long as there is something bad happening in the world, we're not allowed to enjoy anything else or seek solace and refuge to give us the motivation to continue whatever fights we're fighting
#do you know how many arguments over palestine i get into with my parents#do you know how much us military brainwashing i am up against i'm from a fucking military family on both sides#pushing them to see that the us and i***el are in the wrong is a battle i'm constantly fighting#bc its the only battle i can realistically make a difference in#fuck off and let me be excited about an album quit joining in on my depression and stealing every ounce of joy i have#i and basically every fucking person has the ability to care about multiple things#just because the media that is bought out by the us military empire '''only''' wants to talk about it doesn't mean-#-everyone else has stopped talking or caring about it#history is just one atrocity after another there literally has never been peace#are you mad at all past artists and musicians for making art during those atrocities as well#or do you just want a convenient scapegoat because you're feeling powerless against the weight of the world#anyways this hellhole continues to be one of the worst things for my mental health and i'm logging off until i reach a decision on whether#or not to actually delete#y'all are fucking exhausting and do nothing but reinforce burnout culture
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i do think especially arguments about this stuff that hinge on going, well im a victim and i think this is bad are unworkable because you will find a hundred other victims who go oh it helps me process it or whatever else
#i mean i guess it's like well i deserve to have my voice heard over someone else because xyz is what they are saying#it's so insane that this happens repeatedly on this site where you can just filter out terms and shit#block people who make you uncomfortable#idk man i used to be really like eww it's important to tell people about these freaks#but like fuck i really just do not agree that someone should be harassed off the internet or worse for like doing consensual things with#other adults like even if it bothers you majorly does that give you the right to harass them#i am also unsympathetic to the argument that they are gonna harm people because first off most of the people who get chased off dont#really have any power in the first place lets be real otherwise it wouldnt be an affective tool to chase them off in the first place#and secondly if they are gonna harm someone it's someone close to them and posting online about it isn't gonna do anything#you aren't gonna solve abuse by harassing people online even if they suck shit#like unless you want to fucking call the cops on them which i would hope we all know is 100x worse#it's not gonna do anything besides maybe make the situation worse lmao
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i'm starting to think living with 5 other people may simply be a problem
#vent post#negative#i've come to the conclusion i'm not getting enough sugar in my daily meals#(which is. ironic in a lot of ways. but i don't know what else the problem would be)#and that's great that's cool that i've come to this conclusion. i don't think i can solve this one#we don't buy that much sugary or junk food stuff anymore#my dad's got diabetes that makes sense that's understandable#so a lot of our family meals are like rice and meat and a salad#but yknow i'm not really gonna ask my parents to change that! it's been like that for a long time now it's fine it's alright#but i don't think i can actually solve the problem#i. already have a lot of foods that the rest of my family isn't allowed to touch. because i am So Picky#and when they were eating my foods more often i was Starving#i don't. think. i can ask for more. and you know what that's fine! that's fine that's ok i like my meals they're tasty as hell#what about snacks then? can we get snacks for the whole family? well no#we stopped buying more junk foodish snacks because it was All my siblings were eating#and it was bad! it was bad they shouldn't have been doing that. but now i don't think my parents trust us to be responsible with snack food#so our snack foods are. protein bar. fruit snacks (i had to request these specifically). popcorn#that's. that's fine. that's fine maybe i should be focused on fruit instead! fruit is good sugar!#well we don't store fruit i like the way i like it (don't put it in the fridge) so i never eat any of it anymore#but everybody else seems fine with it so really i'm not going to win this argument cause everybody else actually eats it more when it's out#(i don't think this is true. but i think it's true for My Dad and My Mom specifically.)#and i just. it really got me thinking about how much i don't have foods that i like in the house or meals that i love because Somebody Else#likes it done differently and not the way i like it#and that takes priority#to the point where i don't know what the fuck kind of foods i like because we just don't. have. any#i prefer white rice. mom prefers brown so we get brown. i prefer crunchier potatoes. mom prefers them soft so we make them soft#i like my fruits cold. my parents prefer to be able to See the fruits so they stay on the counter. i only eat chicken breast not any other#part of the chicken. my parents prefer thigh meat so we get thigh meat (which i don't eat)#oh huh. this post was a lot longer but tumblr deleted half the tags. yeah that's fair
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when i’m in an explaining something u don’t understand to someone who’s directly experienced it contest and my opponent is the mother of a trans guy
#got reminded of that time i was in an argument w/ my mum abt how i wanted to take hrt when im older#nd she was saying how it had side effects nd id need to do research and it doesnt actually help all that much#and i brought up the suicide rates and she was like “actually it’s been proven that gender affirming care doesn’t affect those at all”#or something#like mother i am ur transgender son who has attempted suicide because of transgender reasons and u were explicitly told to use my#name/pronouns because i told them that that was mostly what was making me suicidal#i think i may be more qualified to speak on how dysphoria and suicide rates correlate than a cis woman who she/theys every tboy she meets#deadnames them whenever they aren’t around/some specific people are around and gets half her political knowledge from facebook#honestly that event is why i don’t bring up trans stuff around her anymore bcz she’s just so Like That abt it yk#it’s why i have to be passive aggressive asf when correcting her on my friend’s pronouns#cw transphobia#cw suicide#<- for the tags#trans#ryan shut the fuck up
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[ID: an edited version of the Jenny Slate "I had to unfollow NASA" meme from Drunk History. the edited caption of image 1 is "I had to stop watching Außer Gefecht because it made me too crazyyy.", image 2: "It would just be like, So war das nicht gemeint, mit den getrennten Wegen.", image 3: "And I was like: (in caps) *screams*." /end ID]
this post is a lie i have not and will not stop watching außer gefecht
#it's not even just that line i could make 3467536452 different versions of this meme just for this episode#it's not my fault this episode makes me so fucking insane !!! just LOOK AT IT#there's fucking layers to EVERYTHING i am lying on the floor chewing glass#ivo and franz' argument. (which. like. i have so many thoughts about how the thing that makes it so hard hitting for both of them is that#it is an EXACT REVERSAL of their usual arguments. how the problem at the core of it is that ivo can't recognize the person franz is being!!#because he is missing a MAJOR DETAIL#and the cherry on top of it is that when he sets out his ultimatum (wenn du mir nicht mehr traust franz etc) franz DOESN'T back down#something something that margaret atwood line. i used to think i'd know you anywhere. but it's getting harder#but that is a whole nother essay)#(AND also ivo saying zwölf erbärmliche leben to franz' face when [REDACTED] is one of the people peschen killed. hhhhhhh)#everything about franz and peschen in the elevator.#the press conference scene. THE FUCKING PRESS CONFERENCE SCENE#FRANZ VISIBLY STARTING TO DISINTEGRATE WHEN THE GUY ASKS IF THEY'RE ASSUMING THE DEATHS WERE BY CONSENT OF THE FAMILIES#the reoccuring motif of trust!! ivo says franz if you dont trust me anymore .... franz saying carlo and ivo will figure out what was in the#spritze auf die ist verlass ... peschen saying believe me. what's in this syringe is your salvation#franz saying i'll never let you go. over my dead fucking body#HHT. THE SCENE WHERE FRANZ IS STARTING TO FEEL THE SEROTONIN EFFECT#AND HE JUST FUCKING. SLAMS HIS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WASTHAT#every day i think about this goddamn episode#tatort münchen#also the whole thing with. peschen WAITED. he fucking. he WAITED FOR THE MORPHINE TO TELL FRANZ THAT HIS FATHER LOVED HIM#WE CANNOT. WE DO NOT KNOW IF HE WAS FUCKING LYING OR NOT#NEITHER WILL FRANZ#among the many many things außer gefecht is about. it is also about the dead losing any chance to speak#franz will never know if anything peschen said is true#if josef's death was suicide or murder#AND then it is also about handholding. the humanity in the middle of horror!!!#i am a simple man i htink about franz and peschen holding hands and i make inhuman shrieking noises
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