#i am? was? idk trying my best. trying to keep everything afloat and take care of everyone

[marcmymistakes]

I use to journal a lot when I was younger and it helped so here I am.. trying to sort things out in words. The past few weeks have broken me, broken me like I’ve been broken before but never wanted to feel ever again. I decided to make a change for what I thought was the way forward to a good future. One where me and Chelsea had all the right tools to make our lives work forever. We had been through so much that I thought it wouldn’t break us, I thought out love would handle anything.. and it probably could have but what happened after took it all away. Idk where to really begin but this is for my own mind so I’m gonna word vomit cuz who fucking cares. I’m in pain, not that uncomfortable can’t figure out why kinda pain but that gut wrenching loss kinda pain where you can’t think, every thought is filled with a multitude of panic and anxiety, the worst thoughts fill my head and I am acting crazy. I never wanted to open myself up to feeling anything like this again after last time but when I met her it wasn’t a question, I was gonna open that door no matter what. After 3 and a half years, here I am, feeling like this again. I carried every emotional burden that came along with both of us, it broke me, I lost myself in her. I failed. I failed again and I don’t know why I let it get here. How could this all happen.. how did I get so off track? I made a lot of mistakes along the way but I always faced them with her and worked on being better. When we went through the roughest times I made sure we talked about it, I made sure to apologize first, she’s the most stubborn woman I know and she always needed me to do it first, and I would do it every time because not getting past it with her was never an option in my mind, she was who I wanted to work on everything with, she still is. I got to a point that I felt like I was drowning inside, not because taking everything on that we had to face was too much but because I let go of myself and didn’t keep track of what made me feel strong enough to do it. I had nothing that was mine, that I drew my strength from, nothing that I had achieved on my own to give me confidence in myself. I needed to leave to work on that, to keep my focus, around her I couldn’t focus. I left and it crushed her, she was always afraid that I was going to leave, and even though I was doing it to make things better for us, it didn’t matter. She was hurt and I couldn’t take it back, I didn’t want to because I was focused on the goal of being the best I could so that I could be the man she truly wanted, the man I was when we met. I spent a lot of the time trying not to cry, trying to hold it all together so I could make it through each day and function. She didn’t like that, she made me open up, it fucked me up, I cried and cried and cried and couldn’t work. I got complaints from clients, I messed up a lot, I couldn’t function. Work was all I had and I hated that job but I needed to stay afloat. I needed the money. After moving out I had nightmares, I couldn’t sleep well and I would find myself reaching for her in the middle of the night. I missed her but I needed to be strong. I needed to find that man I was or everything meant nothing. After nights of being sad, feeling horrible, I decided to keep going out and try to find moments of happiness, to find something that felt normal to me or at least what use to be normal to my schedule. Going around Deland here and there felt weird. It was the same town, the same faces, the same bullshit, but without her being around. I would talk to people and tell them about what was going on and they would all tell me that it’s all gonna work out, that I was doing the right thing trying to be better. So I kept doing it. And then I went too far, I only know now because of hearing it later but I got drunk and made out with someone that I didn’t know. It doesn’t matter really whether or not I defend myself on how it came to be, the fact that it happened is all that matters. It hurt Chelsea to find out, it embarrassed me to find out too. Now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.

[amethyst-skeleton]

✌

[icefrozendeadlyqueen]

Embodiment of a Goddess: Prologue

A/N: It might just be a one time thing. It was hard to write I couldn’t decided where my mind was taking this. I am incapable of following the show in ways. This pop up in my head, and I couldn’t stop writing it.

I don’t own the viking show or its characters. I do own mine

idk Viking Language Google told me:

Að unna means love. 

if you know plz let me know, I appreciated Thank you

enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~

"You lied to that boy, sister", (y/n) locks the door once both of the Perovina sisters were in. The daughters of the Godesses people whisper among themselves as they go in crowds and out. (y/n) glances around her sister's chambers when she claim in front of the crowd the truth Ashla is Hvitserk's other half perfectly align with the prophecy she sees in her mind. (y/n) wears a fine silk (f/c) dress with adorning accessories gifted to her by her husband. Long and horrendous years that we have lived not knowing if we gotten to our destination that century or achieve the path we were given. 

Ashla & (y/n) always together... that was the idea of the gods for us. (y/n) can know the desire future of the beholder with no regards on reality. You can bend the future to your bidding with or without re-precautions... you have never suffer any or because the gods fear darkness that you have at your disposal. You are the delighted representation of light in all types or forms. This world has proper our mission is true, we have done enough and given everything to become what we are now. The journey here to find Kattegat was not easy; however, we prevail in what we do best create hell-firing WAR.

"You know as well as I that you are Hvitserk's future for all of these not to be in vein. You have to marry him not King Umpa of the Legion", (y/n) extend her arms about sketching a map of all the steps we have taken through the vile obstacles that the gods would give us just to fuck with us. Heart tightens making hard for you to not scream at the skies for the stubbornness of your sister here, "It's meant to be", She whispers under her breath trying to atone for the pain she cause Hvitserk. Ashla wears a blood red cloak tender flickers of light emit from the piece of clothing moving about as if alive. (y/n) catches sight the darkness pilling at the hem of her sister's dress. Ashla wore a black dress (y/n) has no idea how can she turn dark everything touching her body of the finest fabrics Hvitserk could find. (y/n) remembers that day by the markets Hvitserk searches fabrics for a dress to be made for Ashla, "There is a bet at stakes (y/n). Ashla told me that if I can somehow make a dress keep its color while she wears it at the next feast! She'll dance with me for as long as my heart desires", His lips press together staring from thick to soft fabrics not sure what would do. He knew that such task was impossible to achieve in his heart he knew thus still he tried to make it a reality. In Hvitserk's shared chambers with your sister, Ashla darkness among men, (y/n) has this whole plan to convince Ashla that this is madness.

"He told you? so it was you that help Hvitserk win huh?", (y/n) glances up lips curl into a genuine smile from your sisters lips. A sense of helpless washes over you when you stare into her eyes it comes with looking into darkness, "You know having share thoughts its extremely annoying", (y/n) claims knowing very well it isn't. You and Ashla are more connected than your husband and you would ever become, "Bridge fell?, Cave Bandits?, Dragon?, Saxxon army? and so on and so forth. I may be arrogant after all who better to protect you than darkness huh? Your Ragnarsson's husband? A human? ha! Cute", Ashla goes on about set reasons to avoid centering to the matter at hand, Hvitserk. You know from the way she caress Hvitserk's objects all around a sense of peace rushes in the room when Ashla's eyes soften barely showing the blood she is so hungry for all the time. War its what keeps her going, she says. War is all she needs, she continues. Love is not something she wants, liar is what she is. 

It was it a time matter a jump or life ending you have no idea what was first. No one ever interrupt us discussing matters for Kattegat's future that's what we used to tell Ragnar and he had no reason not to believed us. We have won wars for him prosper Kattegat to levels they can't wrapped their minds around. Vikings are still afloat on top of the world by the era we are in they should have died long ago. It's our duties as Goddesses to keep that from happening. It was sacred, we said. After this we would part ways going to our respective Ragnarssons; however, fate laugh in our faces. I have already knew what was coming if I let my sisters even inch closer to the window she will escape my judgement as usual. 

"I appreciate you, sisters", (y/n) starts stopping the raging monsters that's Ashla from continuing the rampage of her trying to evade love, "I am not discarding that I need you just as much as you need me", Ashla's black shadows Holt their movement watching Ashla do the same. She gulps saliva hearing (y/n) words trying to reason with her, "I don't know why don't you accept, Hvitserk. He has given you care and acceptance more than anyone in Kattegat had. Ragnar and Aslaug took a liking to me; however, Lagertha took a liking to you". (y/n) a satisfactory grin writes in your lips. Ashla breath for the first time since 2 weeks ago when you dare her to stop breathing to see how long a Goddess can go without air. Her shadows rejoice at the name of their war mentor a human, Ashla would have laugh, she would to anyone else not to Lagertha. 

"You unhitched swine. W-why! you!", Ashla swing around ready to throw her darkness at me in a playful manner to get me back for breaking her solemn walk. It was the only person that would work among us sisters, "Hvitserk", Ashla breath out her eyes flying from (y/n) to his green ones. You glance at your right stand one of Ragnar's oldest son, Hvitserk. (y/n) lets go of the breath you were holding happy that now everything might get fix, "Ashla". Hvitserk breaths out, he blinks a couple of times before taking a step forward towards her. Ashla's hand shake a bit of an anxious habit she is well known for, but no one is brave enough to tell her. (y/n) knows thats a sign that Hvitserk's presence is affecting her. Hvitserk stops looking around localizing every single shadow of hers. They have a tendency to frighten the living hell out of him, "I told you, they won't attack you...  (y/n) and you might be the only people they tolerate". Ashla blurts softly as if scared to raise her voice afraid of what might come out. They keep eye contact ignoring your presence all together, "Hvitserk and Lagertha". (y/n) corrects Ashla slight mistake.

"We need to talk", Hvitserk takes a step towards her. His hands closer to his chest though spread about hoping to get close enough to bring her into him.

"No good conversation comes out 'we need to talk' spit it out!", Ashla raises her voice a bit trying not to shout. Shouting only leads to them fighting, and she wants to enjoy this a little longer.

"We don't always see each other eye to eye. (y/n) and you have help my family keep on living for all these years with nothing in return. You given me a muse, and a reason to go into battle knowing well I'll always come out alive... my brothers don't have what I have. Sigurd has (y/n) and I can confirm I have you", Ashla got lost in his voice the way his lips move distracting her awareness. His eyes on hers is all a girl can wish for the reassurance that loneliness is long forgotten. She takes deep breath walking the couple steps towards him. She locks her arms around his back while he does the same to her, "Speak to me. I am begging you. Why? Have I fail you in anyway? Do you wish to marry me? Is that why every King or Earl thinks they stand a chance?". Hvitserk goes on to this feast trying to find an explanation for what happen. King Umpa of the Legion proclaim to Kattegat that he wants Ashla hand in marriage at the feast. The royal family's smiles left as Ashla said yes instead of no. Everyone who knows the relationship between Hvitserk and Ashla stare horrified at Ashla confirmation.

"Is it not your wish to have the greatest army of the world, Að unna? Ragnar's army are equal to none. Sigurd has (y/n) who can see our greatest and worst future. I have you, but you have no army that you can brag about. I want to give you that. I want to give you everything", Ashla takes a breathing letting her words free in the pages of destiny. A black tear runs down Ashla's cheeks showcasing the truth in her words. (y/n) has never seen her sister shed a tear not even really weep. You wait to see if she laughs at the end of her words but she never even grins. Hvitserk lets go off her tender embrace bringing his rough hand to cup her cheeks with tears on his own eyes, "I have you, Ashla. I don't need an army when I have you. You are darkness for the rest of the world, but for me you are my redemption. You make breathing a blessing not a curse. You make living paradise not hell without you in my life I would have gone mad". Hvitserk closest the gape between their lips sealing their future from now on till the ends of times.

[meangirlsx]

Theatre Advice for Anon

“So I really have no where else to put this because nobody else will really listen and it’s definitely gonna take multiple messages. So all my life, I’ve tried to find where I belong. I’ve gone through different sports and hobbies and even recently tried Mock Trial. I was fairly good at all of the things that I tried but I didn’t enjoy doing any of it. However, I’ve always loved theater and have taken vocal lessons for six years at this point. But I was too nervous to try anything.

I was able to push past this fear the end of my freshman year and I tried out for the end of year musical. I got in the ensemble which was a great! I did one of the musicals this year and once again, I only got ensemble (which is great!) However, my friend who had zero vocal or musical training got a callback. I didn’t care at the time because I didn’t love the musical and just wanted experience. 

I’ve only gotten frustrated with it recently. Me and a couple of my friends agreed to try out for Legally Blonde. I really, really wanted to be in it. I didn’t want a big part or anything; I just wanted to be in it. Well, I didn’t. But both my friends did. The one has tons of musical theater experience and I can understand why she got it. However, the other friend is the same one from before. She has no training. She forgot half her song. I felt like a smashed my audition out of the park.

Idk I guess I’m just frustrated because it feels like all the things that I’m naturally good at are the things that I don’t want to do and the things I want to do, I’m not good at. I’ve trained vocally for years and I have a lot of acting training as well. The only thing I can figure is that I’m a terrible dancer. Idk. Do you have any advice?”

First of all, I just want you to know how proud I am of you. You try so hard, you work so hard, and you don’t give up easily. That’s truly an asset and a quality that’s hard to have. And I really appreciate that you trusted me with this and wanted to come to me. I will always be here for you and I promise to always be a safe space.

It’s really good that you’re addressing your feelings. If you don’t, they build up and simmer and fester. Acknowledging them and talking about them really does help. I’m really sorry you’re feeling so discouraged, but I’m glad you’re expressing it and looking for something to help. That takes so much strength. Know that it’s okay to feel discouraged. We all are sometimes. And allowing yourself to feel it will help you process it and eventually move past it.

Something you have to have in theatre is resilience. And it sounds like you have an abundance of it. Your commitment and determination keep you fueled even when things get hard. You’re committed to working hard at everything you do, at trying a lot to see what you’re good at and what you like, at trying to find where you feel you belong most, and at trying to improve yourself. Having that drive will help you so much. It will take you far in life, and if theatre is what you want to do, it will absolutely take you far in theatre. It’s like a means of survival in theatre. And in life, honestly.

Have you considered and/or tried other areas of theatre? Like directing, stage managing, designing, dressing, even management? Assuming you’re talking about high school, it can be kind of hard to really get into backstage work until you get to college or even after that. Some high schools just don’t really have the opportunities. If you haven’t tried anything else, I would suggest doing that. Not at all because I don’t think you have what it takes to be a performer. I have no doubt that you do. But it sounds like it’s something that scares you, and if there are other areas of theatre that you discover are a better fit for you because they don’t scare you, you’re good at them, and you enjoy them, that would be wonderful! I started out as a performer and was always petrified with stage fright but didn’t know until my last year of high school that it was even an option to be involved in theatre without being a performer. When I began stage managing, it was like everything finally made sense. Like everything had led me to that. It was the perfect fit for me and the things that everyone said they hated about the job were my favorite parts. Maybe something like that could happen for you.

That being said, I’m not at all trying to say I think you should give up on performing if you want to stick with it. You clearly have the dedication and drive. You don’t give up. Even now, when you’re feeling discouraged and aren’t sure what to do, you’re reaching out and trying to find another solution. And isn’t that one of the things theatre is all about?

So, if you want to perform, something to keep in mind is that this kind of thing will probably happen sometimes. Casting decisions so often don’t have anything to do with your talent or hard work. Directors have cast one actor over another because one guy’s eye color matched the actor playing the father while the other guy’s eye color didn’t. Sometimes things are beyond our control. Sometimes you can be the hardest working in the room, the one who seems best for the role, the one with more experience, and it still won’t go your way. And it sucks. It really sucks. And it hurts. And you keep going. Because that’s who you are and that’s how you stay afloat in theatre. It’s not always easy, but you do it because it’s what you love and where you feel you belong. If you feel like theatre is your home, you move in and no one gets to kick you out.

If you do want to stick with performing, be a sponge. Absorb everything you can. Read books. Watch videos. Keep taking lessons. Take classes if you can. And see as many shows as you can. We tell writers that the best way to write is to keep writing and to read as many books as they can. That’s how we learn and rejuvenate. The same is true for theatre. Keep doing it, and watch others do it as much as you’re able. You’re doing everything right. Your time will come. Sometimes we just have to wait a bit. But your time will come, because you will make it. Every step you take is progress. Every rejection is one step closer to being cast.

I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do like to believe that things will work in our favor if we do what we can to get ourselves there. And you are. So maybe you don’t get this show. And for the record, I’m really, really sorry that’s the case. I’m sure you would have been amazing and truly it’s their loss. But maybe it opens up another opportunity for you. Maybe it lets you audition for something elsewhere. Or take a vocal or dance class. Or get an A in a hard class that you can be really proud of. Or make a friend who ends up being just who you needed, or even a connection later. Or maybe it just gives you time to spend with yourself for a bit and regroup so that you can come back swinging harder and stronger than ever before. And maybe you get the next show. Or maybe you don’t, but you’ve learned to make your peace with it. And that makes you stronger for any rejection you face in the future, in theatre or otherwise.

One other thing I’ve seen actors say to aspiring actors is that if there’s anything else that feeds your soul the way theatre does that can help pay bills, do that in addition to theatre. But I think that’s advice for a ways down the road for you.

Know that you are so much stronger than you think you are. If this is where you feel you belong, you absolutely do. Theatre will give you a home and a family that will be there for you and love you endlessly. And I’m in your corner. I believe in you. And if you believe in you, there’s not much that can stop you.

[lovedeluxe92]

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that. 

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist,  but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she  didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit. 

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is  fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy. 

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have? 

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit 

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever 

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao 

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao 

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

[rationalisms]

mcu

the first character i ever fell in love with: tony stark. :’) i saw all the films in the order they came out, when they came out, so iron man was actually the first mcu film i saw and i already liked tony as a character in the comics by that point but watching the movie made it go from “neat i guess” to “i love him so much i would move mountains for him”. he’s still my absolute fav to this day.

a character i used to love/like, but now do not:this is rly more to do with his fans than anything actually in canon but i used to be quite fond of steve (and still am wrt to 616!steve) but ime since civil war many mcu steve fans are, uh, Very Particular about their interpretations of the canon and particularly A Certain Character and VERY insistent that those interpretations must be enforced at all times and so i find a lot of content centred on him very grating.

a ship i used to love/like, but now do not: i used to like tony/pepper in im1 and im2 and i thought they were honestly cute but by im3 it was already waning and then the whole on/off thing in later films just got annoying because pepper really just turned into a plot device rather than a character.

my ultimate favourite character:tony!!! i love his disasterific self so much and i am so so so proud of him and how far he’s come and also like, wrt to cinematic quality, i honestly think the iron man films are the saving grace of the mcu. shoutout to shane black and jon favreau. also natasha because she’s actually my absolute favourite character in the comics so i HAVE to be secondhand in love with her in the mcu but honestly i hate the way the russos write her so i’m just desperately praying for anyone to take them out of their grasp. (fingers crossed for her solo film)

prettiest character:sorry i’m still like very tragically attracted to scarlett johansson because i’m weak and gay and have had a crush on her since i was 9 so natasha

my most hated character:i just. literally never ever want to hear a single word about coulson ever again. i also really hate vision and i hope he stays permanently dead (lol fat chance of that) and i want jarvis back. also peter quill can bite me. g-d.

my OTP:tony/rhodey is real and tru and canon and The Only Way. idk how anyone could deny they’re in love.

my NOTP:wanda/vision is by far the worst het in the mcu which is saying a lot because there is a lot of terrible het in the mcu. every time they make me sit thru any scene with them desperately trying to muster up any chemistry at all it makes me want to physically flee my cinema seat.

saddest death:loki’s died like five hundred times now but honestly? good for him, he’s clearly excellent at it! all of his death scenes are absolutely gutting and make me genuinely emotional and i love him so much.

favourite movie: iron man 3 and i will throw hands with anyone who tries to argue it’s not objectively the best mcu film

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: i don’t hate him but i don’t care in the least about bucky.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: loki lmao. gay icon, undisputed mvp of the thor films, absolutely correct about everything, never did anything wrong in his life, etc

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: bring jarvis back please i miss him so much he didn’t deserve what they did to him and everything about vision is a disservice to his memory

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: me/scarlett johansson

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: tony/bruce is cute in theory but i’m too invested in tony/rhodey to rly be into it.

also i have eyes and a functioning brain and so i know that nat and pepper absolutely fucked in im2 and so did pepper and maya in im3 (and bless the one good fic that actually exists for them) but there’s not enough content to keep me afloat

[markresonates]

Ok now I don't only admire you for your writing but for your willing to get better, rn i can't relate honestly like i sleep but i can't focus on anything and now i have 2 weeks of work to catch on, idk how they haven't fired me yet.. i just want to cry 24/7

anon, i'm sincerely sorry that you're going through this, and even more so that i can't offer you much support besides this:

do not do this.

what doesn't kill you does not always make you stronger.

when you come to another point in your life where you're searching for a reason to get out of bed or eat something or drink water or take a shower or talk to people or care about literally anything at all, trying to force something to work for you isn't going to help in the long run. the same goes for "fake it 'til you make it." this mentality isn't toxic if applied to trivial things, like feeling confident about an outfit your wearing or pretending you know what you're talking about if you're called on at school/work. but when it comes to faking a smile to either A) convince the people around you that you're okay and don't need their help or B) pretend that if you look in the mirror long enough with a smile on your face, eventually that smile will be genuine but deep down you know it's fake.

maybe you can psych yourself into believing these mindsets and maybe these methods work for a while but you're not helping yourself actually heal. you're putting a band aid over a bullet hole and ignoring that fact that you're still gushing blood underneath.

we live entirely different lives and i don't know if anything i say will resonate with you personally but what gave me an ounce of hope is the fact that i wanted to get better and finally did something about it.

for the longest time, i've wallowed in this dark pit, void of anything and yet i'm suffocating on everything all at once. a countless amount of times have i lit a match and falsely believed i was starting to get somewhere with the light leading the way but not a single match got me very far and i'd lose that light and end up at the bottom again.

i'm really trying to reframe my mindset and cling onto even the tiniest amount of hope to keep me afloat and feeling like i want to be alive and look forward to things in the future, believing i want to have a future at all. i know that to some people it's no big deal to tell their doctors like "hey this medication isn't working, let's try something else." it seems so simple but i guess for me admitting "hey these 5 pills haven't really been much help for about 2 years now but i didn't want to have to go through the whole trial-and-error method of finding out how to make me somewhat mentally stable so i quietly accepted that this is the way i am, a bipolar, impulsive, clingy, unreliable mess who can barely pass her classes and rarely leaves the house, and this is the best i can be, so i'll just have to make do with what i've got." but that's not true. i have a choice, it's the following through part that i struggle with the most.

it feels like a really big step, like in some small way, i've accomplished something that i've been putting off for years and that gives me hope. like in the future, hopefully i get to a point where i can operate as a fully functioning adult and once i find the right routine and regimen i'll feel more confident about where i'm headed.

fuck. this was like a ton of words ?? sorry bout that:( this took me days to write like i kept coming back to this ask in my drafts and rereading stuff and thinking nah this sounds dumb, i'm not a self help book, i'm literally just a college student who exists on the internet so. what do i know really? idk, idk, these are my thoughts and i hope they make sense ?? by the time i've answered this, i also hope that you are doing even the tiniest bit better than the day you sent it💞💞sending you all my love!

[slyth4rin]

dear diary,

a rather long entry because im upset

it's funny how i used to believe i was someone special— someone who was above the rest in terms of looks, wisdom and manners. mind you, i was more or less ten hears old when my parents put this idea into my fat little brain. however, as i got older, i realized just how useless i actually am. when i started to meet new people, i was suddenly hit with an unfamiliar scent— the stench of reality. one where the world doesn't revolve around my petty little ass, where i wasn't the star of my own show, and where i was just a normal girl going through puberty while trying her best to stay afloat and sane.

i knew deep in my heart that with what little talent i have, i could never keep up with my peers at all and, consequently, end up doing the bare minimum. my attitude towards everything took a massive dip and i didn't think i could ever suck more. i don't excel in anything. with music, i can read notes. i'm even confident enough to say i'm good at it. but when it comes to the things that matter in this shallow world we live in, i'm a nobody. i somewhat have a sense of rhythm and beat, but my coordination is shit so i can't play the guitar and drums. the piano bore me at one point in my childhood because all my relatives forced me into it. also, being compared to my sister in terms of musical prowess landed a huge blow to my ego (i wasn't good enough for them, i guess). i was scared to pick up on the piano ever since. singing is a big no as well since my vocal chords seem to be all over the place and the violin hurts my ears.

with dance and theater, i've never really got the chance to explore. i was sure i sucked judging by the endless class plays and mass demos in school so i just opted to cross it out of my list. i'm a lazy person by nature and subconsciously very proud; if i wasn't good at something from the get-go, then it's not worth it. it sounds more like an excuse than anything else but that's it. like i said before, my coordination is shit so i'm not good at dancing. i honestly think, however, i could improve my dancing if only i had a big room all to myself and full body mirrors just so i can see myself move and know what to fix. sadly, my parents and i don't meet eye to eye on that topic. my acting is shit too and i think it's because im way too insecure about myself. i care too deeply for what others think of me and don't want others judging me by how i look when i act (like facial expressions and body movements which actually look awkward). i hesitate more often than not and give a half-assed performance 99% of the time. i realized this long before everything else because i used to want to be the lead in old school plays but i couldn't do much. i was so self-conscious that my thoughts keep on eating me up. "what if they see my tummy looking extra fat today?" "did i stutter again?" "i need to look pretty no matter what".

when it comes to art, i think i'm ok. below average, but just a little bit past the point of actually sucking. i can't draw for shit, because i don't know how others find their art style. i can't do realisitc art like portraits, buildings and animals. i tried doing anime but i always mess up the placements of which part goes where. i can do chibis at best. i sometimes go off on shading which makes things less attractive and idk how to fix that. it's like i can imagine things but i can't put it on paper. my brain is somehow disconnected to my hand, and they say lefties are the artistic ones. with color, however, im good at that. i know the color wheel by heart and can mix and match colors better than most. i also tried doing digital art and somehow im better at that maybe because i can trace photos easily lmao. calligraphy is meh since my handwriting is ugly. i can pretend to have fancy writing but can't maintain it for a long time and just revert back to ugly letters.

when talking about literature, i think i'm pretty good though. i'd like to believe im decent at writing; my grammar and technical knowledge is something i could take pride in. however, when it comes to the imagination, like i said before, i find it hard to make ideas a reality. i can write my own ideas but have a hard trouble thinking of what comes next. poetry? i need to widen my vocabulary more. i keep on using repetitive words and my writing style has been the same for years—i want to change that. i want to go beyond conventional poetry and prose writing and discover new ways to make flowers out of garbage. precisely the reason why i'm watching old movies and reading classical books.

i suck at communicating and expression. i can't talk in public because, like i said, i'm too insecure and self-conscious to think properly. public speaking is probably the worst thing i could ever do because when i stand in front of a crowd, my brain suddenly forgets it has a filter. it's like nothing is there while my mouth just speaks whatever it wants to. i oftentimes feel numb and feel like a possessed person when talking to a crowd because of this. i'm doing my absolute best in trying to fix this since i have a passion for public speaking though i suck at it. i'm still too scared to talk in public but i'm taking one step at a time—big crowds won't be seeing me in the near future.

im probably proudest of my fashion sense though. i got over my "mom picks what i wear" phase and because of my knack for doing whatever i can with both colors and fashion, my style has improved drastically. i do my research on the latest trends, do my best to incorporate old trend to new ones and also make my own style while im at it. make up? not too much. it is a different topic after all and i'm just learning. i'm trying my best in learning and will probably spend more than i earn on this hobby.

in conclusion, i'm bad at everything. it's because i lack motivation to explore and try new things. i find it hard to escape the confines of my own little bubble but i promise i'm trying especially now what i'm about to fly out of the nest (hopefully). my insecurities are probably the only things i can't fix and i don't think i will even bother to. it just takes too much energy and i've grown attached to melancholia and the isolation.

[custardtoast]

hmm small (edit: really lengthy) rant about my life rn

I just had a week off school and it was a much needed break... I did volunteer for 3/5 of the days so it wasn’t a crazy break, since I still had quite a bit of stress about those 3 days

I am currently in that typical position of “I didn’t do anything productive pertaining to school work all week so now I feel guilty and I should stay up and get something done” but at the same time... I feel like I always beat myself up so much when I know that I was quite busy with other things, and school work isn’t always the only priority. Granted, I did watch a kdrama lol and didn’t sleep until 2-4 am on most days, while waking up close to noon.... but I feel like I needed that. I just hate how i can never fully relax but I also can’t bring myself to work... but that is the ultimate student dilemma. I wish I had better self-control and organizational skills to balance everything

On a related note, I’ve been thinking rly hard about what I want to do after I graduate from uni... I was thinking about applying to a summer internship for half of the summer, but I need a reference letter and the deadline is this week, so I feel like its sort of inappropriate to ask any of my profs at this point... I also was thinking about just bumming around for the entire summer and being productive in other areas of my life ... like I’ve been thinkin about starting a youtube channel (lol me and everyone else in this internet world) bc I’ve just been so inspired by all these amazing ppl who show their struggles to everyone and at the end of the day they’re all beautiful ppl... I really like the idea of sharing my life w all these internet friends bc frankly, I don’t really share my life with anyone irl (i know that sounds super sad but it’s true... i dont feel like im close w anyone anymore and once i graduate from uni i feel like i’m gonna be cut off from everyone I currently talk to and I feel like no one would rly make the effort to talk to me otherwise)

so idk i kinda wanted to start a vlog/lifestyle channel so I could just chat to the camera, since i rly do have a lot of thoughts i’d like to share, but i’m just too scared to share them with anyone i actually know irl. it feels easier to just talk it out to no one in particular like a diary, but then have ppl (hopefully) care about it. but at the same time there are TONS of lifestyle channels out there and i dont think i have a particular “tv personality”? 

also filming those kinda videos have nothing to do w my university degree and idk i feel like.... it’s important to be well-rounded but i don’t want my degree to be for nothing, so i also have to think about what i want to do as my future career. which is really tough because... i’m in the sciences, i currently do clinical research in a lab, and it’s okay... i love the learning aspect but i’m not a fan of the actual scientific research process. i can’t really explain why but you’re just... studying something so small for so so so long and it’s hard to feel like you’re making any progress. but i suppose the beauty of the field is if/when you actually make progress and a contribution. i’m also scared about the whole competition in the field and constantly keeping yourself afloat with grants, idk if i want to dedicate my life to that. and to be honest i dont think im smart enough or that much of a critical thinker to become a researcher and get a phd, although i would really love to be a university professor (too bad u have to have a phd loool)

some other options are going to med school, optometry school, becoming a dietician or a physician’s assistant... med school is the scary one bc i always think about.... why would i want to be a doctor over another medical professional? do i actually have the qualities to be a good doctor, or am i just doing it bc of the image or the pressure? do i actually enjoy working with patients?? ofc those questions apply to the other options as well but... im always doubting myself and i feel like that quality alone is not very ideal for being a doctor. i would feel more comfortable being an optometrist, dietician, or physician’s assistant bc it feels like... even if you mess up there are still other people to back you up, whereas with a doctor, you are the one running the game. which is super important and impressive, but i just don’t know if i could handle with the stress and if i have the capabilities to make unwavering decisions. just cuz i know im so indecisive.... man. i got rejected from med school which is why im rethinking all of this. i might go to grad school next year, either in nutrition or continuing in physiology. i really like topics in nutrition and a masters in nutrition is only a year long, but i would have to find a new supervisor and im not a super huge fan of research (like i’ve said before)... but it seems better than a 2 year masters in physiology. i could stick with my current physiology supervisor, but that also means im stuck studying the same thing as i am now for 2 years. and idk if i love it that much.... agh... i dont know......... i wish someone could tell me what’s the best path... but i know no one can... and i know that no one is gonna read this huuuuuge text.... im just rambling at this point bc i have no one i feel comfortable personally messaging all of this to

being indecisive.... leads me to my next point. which is strange, but i really want to get a tattoo after i graduate. ive been thinking about what to get, and ofc, due to my indecisive nature, i can never really decide, but i think... i kinda know what i want? i just need to think of a good placement for it bc i dont want it to be visible in my every day life, just due to the judgemental nature of the field that im in right now and possibly will be in the future (eg. if i work in the medical field, i will most definitely be judged if i have visible tattoos, maybe less by the younger demographic but by the older ones for sure, and that can affect the whole patient-doctor interaction, or even interaction with mentors?) so if u have any tattoos, i’d love to know what you have (if you’re comfortable w sharing) and why, so it helps me justify getting my own lol (even though that doesnt rly make sense.. i should just get it if i want it, but im still debating)

guhhhh my brain has run out of juice and i should go to bed, im really trying to not sleep at 2 am today. i wish i could fall asleep faster. im not gonna give myself heck for not getting anything done during reading week, or tonight, cuz i know i’ve been going through some rough mental patches, but i hope if i sleep earlier, wake up a bit earlier, take back more control of my life, i can be more productive and less stressed. pls wish me luck.

i rly want... to make meaningful connections and impacts in this world.

[shg11]

Well friends, we’ve made it through another season of and what’s really fucking me up about this finale is that it didn’t give us a mind-numbing plot twist, horrifying death, or really anything that we didn’t expect. In fact, with the exception of maybe the death of Littlefinger (which I totally called but it’s fine), we all predicted just about everything that was going to happen in this finale. Jon and Dany banging? Check. Cersei somehow fucking up this truce? Check. Zombie Viserion wrecking the wall? Check. And yet, I’m still sitting here, two hours after the credits rolled, unable to formulate coherent thoughts. Because it was so damn good. Season seven was kind of crazy in that it gave us almost everything we wanted?? Sure, there were setbacks, but minimal ones when you consider the things we’ve suffered in the past. I spent most of this finale cheering when I fully expected myself to be on the ground weeping. But that’s the magic of : even when you know exactly what’s coming, you aren’t ready.

KING’S LANDING

Let’s just say that in a show of many amazing scenes and heart-wrenching reunions, nothing compares to the great Treaty of King’s Landing we were treated to at the opening. As Tyrion astutely points out later, no one gathered here likes each other. Actually, most of them openly despise each other. And yet, they’ve all come together to glare and discuss the possibility that all their petty shit doesn’t really compare to the army of zombies slowly marching their way. It’s a treat. There are so many beautiful single interactions, it’s hard to gloss over them all. First and foremost, Bronn sitting at the top of Highgarden, looking over the thousands of Unsullied soldiers and contemplating life without a penis is the single best representation of every straight man that I’ve ever had to interact with in my life. Bronn: What could you possibly do without a dick? Me: A whole lot fucking better, tbh. Also Bronn acting as the welcoming party to a bunch of people who have tried to murder each other is everything this already tense event needed. Like yeah, send out Ser Bronn of the Blackwater to be an emissary. He’s the face we want representing us. Jaime’s face while he listens to Cersei give the Mountain detailed instructions on who to murder first kind of makes me think this is the first time he’s recognizing how truly insane she is. Like…my dude….she blew up a church with hundreds of people in it. What did you really expect here? Cersei: Where the fuck is the dragon queen? Why didn’t she sail with the rest of them? Me: We all know her dramatic ass is about to soar in here on the back of Drogon. Cersei, PLEASE. Can we all take a minute to appreciate Jon Snow walking around in the near tropical climate of King’s Landing in full Northern furs? We get it. You’re a king. You still sweat. Last but certainly not least, Brienne and the Hound bonding over the fact that they’d both do just about anything to make sure Arya survives warmed what little part of my heart that this show hasn’t decimated. The entire crew comes together in the long abandoned dragon pit. If that seems like some obvious foreshadowing, it’s because it is. This pit is where dragons withered away and eventually died, kind of like how this truce is about to go. Cersei attempts a dramatic entrance after Jon, Tyrion, and their entire assorted crew has taken their places. What she doesn’t know but will soon be very familiar with: No one is more dramatic than Deanerys Targaryen.

  Hound: You’re even uglier than I am now Mountain: Hound: Yeah, well, this has been nice. Burn in hell. The brief reunion of the Clegane brothers does little for the single most awkward silence that settles in as everyone waits for the Mother of Dragons to ride her ass into this treaty. Luckily, they don’t have to wait long. Drogon: Jaime: Cersei: While she’s doing a very convincing job of playing it cool, Cersei’s mask drops for a second when Drogon lands in the pit. She’s nervous, and not for the last time during this meeting. While I get that this is a big dramatic show of power, all I can really think about are all those spoiled children who rode elephants into their birthday parties on .  Once everyone is seated and have re-secured their thoroughly snatched wigs, Tyrion attempts to start conversations. Unfortunately, he has yet to experience the singularly annoying experience of being in the vicinity of Euron Greyjoy.

Dark Pacey Witter stands up and immediately tells Theon that he has Yara and will kill her if Theon doesn’t submit then and there. Sir. Please read the room. Tyrion: Who the fuck are you? Euron: Your sister’s fiancé. Tyrion: Honestly idk which one of you I feel worse for. Even Cersei is fucking annoyed with Euron and tells him to shut up and sit down. Marriage is going to be super fun for these two. Tyrion starts off logically by pointing out the one thing they all have in common: no one in this circle likes each other.  No one can disagree here, but still not a great reason for a meeting. At this point Jon jumps in with his likely now trademarked speech about the Army of the Dead. Usually this performance brings a room to its knees, but Jon has never been a room with Cersei Lannister. She’s unmoved, even when Dany chimes in and promises a truce until after the White Walkers are dealt with.

Enter the Hound, with a crate strapped to his back carrying the wight. I feel like there were probably better means of transportation here, but it’s fine. After a prolonged silence, the wight jumps out and immediately lunges for Cersei. If only they’d let it take her out, we could have solved half of the group’s issues in the first five minutes of the episode. But clearly their expedition was worth it because, finally, Cersei's resolve cracks. She is visibly shook, along with everyone in attendance. Except for Qyburn of course, who is visibly aroused at the sight of a real life zombie.

In a move that shouldn’t have surprised anyone, Euron immediately bails, and announces that he’ll be taking his fleet back to the Iron Island, where they will be safe from White Walkers. Sure, wights can’t swim, but they’ve got a dragon. This plan seems flawed to me, and yet no one is stopping him, probably because they are all openly hoping Euron is the first to go. If you thought Cersei immediately accepting that truce was far too easy, it’s because it was. Yeah, she’s down to put their differences aside to fight the Army of the Undead, but only if Jon agrees to stay neutral in the ensuing war between her and Dany. Clearly she didn’t see their epic handholding session last week. Cersei knows that Ned Stark’s son would be too honorable to make a fake vow in front of every important person in Westeros, and she’s absolutely right. Which is why Jon, the man who is has been campaigning for peace in the face of the White Walkers at all fucking costs for the past six years, calmly and clearly denies her request. Dany: Um that was cute but also what the fuck Tyrion: You know what’s super cool, Jon? Lying. Jon: HONOR. Cersei storms off with Jaime and company in tow, and not even an impassioned plea from Brienne can get him to stick around. It is Cersei’s world and Jaime is just living in it. Now that Jon has tanked the truce that he has spent almost this entire show working towards, it’s become a fun game of “who is Cersei least likely to murder right now” as they all decide who to send in to try and talk some sense into her.

Tyrion wins out in the end and opts to go try and convince Cersei to drop her ego in favor of not being turned into a zombie. Could you imagine a wight Cersei Lannister? Bye bye, Night King. There’s a new bitch in town and she looks good in black.

He runs into Jaime on his way to his likely death and honestly, can we all just take a second and imagine the lovely life these two could have had if Cersei weren’t around? Imagine the laughter. The joy. The not always thinking about murdering each other. What fun. Cersei and Tyrion sitting here and hashing out 20-plus years’ worth of resentment is honestly the most realistic thing that’s ever happened on this show. It’s like any family holiday after the kids have gone to sleep and your mom and her sister are four bottles of wine deep. Secrets are coming out. Tyrion: Fucking kill me. Cersei: Tyrion: Man I did not see that coming, where is the wine? With all their feuding and hatred for each other I have completely failed to notice that the only thing these two have in common is their inhumane love of wine. Together they probably singlehandedly keep the Westerosi wine industry afloat. In the end, I think Tyrion’s saving grace is that Cersei knows he truly did care for Myrcella and Tommen, whose deaths she completely blames on him. Killing Tywin made the Lannisters weak, and circling families moved in and started hacking away at their power. She tries to go on some lengthy speech about family over all, but Tyrion cuts her off immediately with the realization that she’s pregnant. He figured it out faster than I did, and I watched the episode where she actually announced it. Back in the dragon pit, Jon and Dany have gone into their own secret pow wow, rehashing the fact that their grand plan is essentially went up in smoke because of Jon’s giant crush on her. Dany talks about how chaining up dragons was the beginning of the end for her family and how their death brought the realization that without dragons, the Targaryens were nothing. This might be her projecting a bit after the loss of Viserion, but best boyfriend in the world Jon Snow is having none of that self-deprecating bullshit. He believes in her, with or without dragons, with or without children, and especially with or without clothing if you catch my drift. Dany: I can’t have children. Jon: Who told you that? Dany: This random blood witch who murdered my husband and spoke exclusively in riddles. Jon: Ah yes, a trusted source then. Honestly I’ve never watched two people eye-fuck each other so aggressively while discussing the impending apocalypse. Someone get these two a room STAT. Tyrion walks back into the arena and everyone is shocked to see him alive. They’re even more shocked about what follows…Cersei and her entire squad. She’s agreed to the truce under some new rules: The Lannister armies will not stand down, but they will march North to fight alongside Jon and Dany. Spoiler alert: She’s lying. It’s this thing adults do. Someone please explain it to Jon. Cersei: When all this shit is done, maybe all you assholes can remember that I agreed to help despite the fact that you’re all going to try and murder me anyway. Jon: Noted. Dany:

WINTERFELL

Up North, Sansa finally finds out that Jon has bent the knee to Dany and she is less than psyched. To be fair, without any context this is kind of a big deal and you know Jon’s eloquence in war battles does not extend to letters to his sister. In modern times, Jon Snow definitely reads iMessage novels and responds with a “K.” His letter probably went something like “Sansa, I am bending the knee to Dany. Talk soon. X. Jon. PS – Winter is Coming.” Thanks for the overwhelming lack of details.

  Sansa: I can’t believe he’d do this Littlefinger: I mean…Daenerys is crazy hot Sansa: What does that have to do with anything? Littlefinger: …oh right, you’re like 15, huh. Baelish is not so subtly implying that Sansa should overthrow Jon and if that means getting rid of Arya in the process…so be it. He puts the idea in Sansa’s head that Arya only came back to kill Sansa for betraying their family and marrying their enemies. He convinces her that Arya’s grand plot is to become Lady of Winterfell, despite the fact that Arya has made it clear she’s never wanted to rule anything. I swear to GOD if this isn’t just some ploy by Arya and Sansa to kill Littlefinger and they actually turn on each other I will lose my goddamn mind. The good news is I’m a prophet, and that’s exactly what it was.

DAGONSTONE

Jon, Dany, and the team are already strategizing their move North. Jorah suggests that Dany fly to Winterfell to avoid coming into contact with any lingering enemies in the North, but Jon argues that arriving together will actually help the Northerners believe that Dany and Jon are allies. Also, all that romantic travel time together? Can you imagine? Dany decides to sail together, because riding in on a dragon might look like she’s there to fuck shit up rather than save everyone. Jorah, assuredly back in the friend zone, takes this loss in stride. Jon, victorious, is surely en route to pound town. Theon pulls Jon aside to rehash the incident in King’s Landing and discuss his general role in the fall of the Starks. Theon: So…you told Cersei the truth…when you could have lied. Jon: Yeah I think we’ve all covered that at this point. Until this moment I kind of forgot that Jon and Theon really did grow up together. But while Theon sits there and recounts all the times that Jon was right, even when he was young, it makes you remember that once upon a time, everyone wasn’t trying to murder each other all the time. I’m nostalgic for something I never even got to experience because this show has effectively turned me into a puddle of unnecessary and unwanted emotion. Jon and Theon were both unwanted sons whose only saving grace was that Ned Stark had too much honor to do anything other than raise them as his own. I’m not crying. It’s fine. Jon: I’ve done a lot of things I regret. Theon: Not compared to me. Jon: No shit, you’re actual garbage. Theon’s come-to-Jesus moment about doing the right thing is cute, but honestly so poorly timed. Like dude, there are some fairly pressing matters to attend to but sure, let’s discuss your daddy issues right now. Jon: I forgive you, you spineless worm.

Theon:

Jon’s speech about Theon not having to choose his identity between Greyjoy and Stark is some very serious foreshadowing for the undoubtedly near future when Jon finds out he’s got a similar decision to make: Stark or Targaryen. What are the odds that Bran busts in moments after him and Dany are done banging to let him know that they are in fact related? Considering Brann’s general lack of timing or usefulness, I’m going to go with Very High. Theon lets Jon know that he’s finally grown a pair and is going to go save Yara. Hope he wasn’t looking for any kind of congratulations, because he absolutely isn’t getting one from the Honorable Jon Snow, who would have busted Euron’s door down three weeks ago to save his sister.

  The rest of the Iron Islanders are not so moved by Theon’s sudden surge of bravery. They have no plans to rescue Yara, and instead are looking to save themselves and hide out until Winter passes.

Iron Islander: We’re going to sail to a quiet island, kill all the men, rape the women, and then build a life on their graves. Theon: Calm down, Christopher Columbus. A fight ensues in which Theon gets wrecked in front of all his men, likely losing any last bits of respect they might have for him. All in a day’s work for poor Reek. Iron Islander: Stay down or I will kill you. Theon: Promise? The tides turn when the dude goes to knee Theon in the balls and is met with no resistance. Like, Theon actually smiles while the guy is going to town on his crotch. At this point, every other man watching this fight take place immediately switches sides because no one wants to be against the guy who laughs while he’s getting kicked in the dick. For potentially the first time in his life, Theon wins. His men applaud him, and they’re off on their way to save Yara. Better late than never, I guess.

WINTERFELL

Sansa summons Arya to the Great Hall for what I’m really hoping is a big fake display of tension that ends in the murder of Littlefinger. I mean, Brann is there. What could possibly go wrong? Arya looks a bit uneasy surrounded by soldiers. Sansa tells her that what’s about to happen isn’t something that she wants to do but something that she has to do for the North, and then proceeds to start listing charges. Murder and treason are on the table, and someone needs to answer to them. But who is that person? MOTHER FUCKING PETYR BAELISH. THAT’S RIGHT. NO ONE FUCKS WITH THE STARKS.

  Sansa: How do you plea? Arya: My sister asked you a question. Petyr: * KILL BILL SIRENS * Sansa starts reading off the charges that Baelish has racked up since season one and honestly, it is wild. I forgot half the shit he’s pulled, including instigating the conflict between the Starks and the Lannisters aka the reason everyone is in this mess in the first place. Maybe another day, Petyr could talk his way out of this, but that was before Bran, Master of Receipts showed up to start taking people down. Fucking finally. Baelish: I loved your mother since I was a boy. Sansa: Sucks. Baelish: I loved you more than anyone. Sansa: Yikes. Sansa thanks Petyr for all he’s taught her and then lets Arya slice his throat. This entire room of hard-ass Northerners watches him bleed out on the floor and

I AM LIVING.

Sansa: * Commands the death of Petyr Baelish after he spent years plotting against her family, manipulating her, and generally being a giant fucking creep * Me: Skin clears, hair shining, crops flourishing, credit score raising, living my best life.

KING’S LANDING

Cersei interrupts Jaime’s strategy session to let him know that he’s a fucking idiot for believing anything she’s ever said. Fair. Cersei: I have no intention of helping them fight the White Walkers and I never did.

All of us:

  Sure, she’s completely betrayed everyone again and did the one thing Jon wouldn’t do, but Cersei makes a pretty fair point: If dragons and the Dothraki and Jon, the zombie expert, can’t take out the White Walkers, what good would a southern army do? Cersei knows that Dany is down a dragon which means something is up. She’s confident that the army of the Iron Bank, the 20,000 strong Golden Company made up of mercenaries, will come through for them once Jon and Dany have defeated the Army of the Dead, and she knows this because Euron left their little powwow and sailed straight to Essos to recruit them. Cersei: No one walks away from me. Jaime: Yeah I’m starting to see that. Jaime is pissed that Cersei conspired with Euron behind his back and tells her that he’s going to honor his pledge and take their armies North anyway. Cersei threatens to charge him with treason, and for the second time this episode one of Cersei’s brothers dares her to kill him. However, this time, she doesn’t seem to hesitate. That’s right. Cersei came closer to killing Jaime then she did Tyrion, and that is the single most shocking thing to happen in this finale. Not even I, the great prophet, saw it coming. Sure, Jaime does walk away in the end, but there was a moment where we all weren’t sure if he would. Like that, Cersei has severed her last true ally, the only one who cares about her and not her power. As Jaime rides away, hopefully North, hopefully into Brienne’s steady and strong arms, it begins to snow. In the South. This does not bode well for anyone, but especially not for all those poor souls in Fleabottom.

POUND TOWN

Sam and Gilly arrive in Winterfell, and Sam heads straight to see Brann. I realize this is going to be an important conversation but I’m already mad that I have to listen to it. Sam: What happened to you beyond the wall? Brann: A lot of not chill shit. Bran gives Same an explanation of the Three Eyed Raven business that he should have given Sansa and Arya about two weeks ago. He also tells Sam that Jon is en route to Winterfell with Daenerys, and that he needs to know the truth about who he is ASAP. Sam: What are you talking about? Bran: R + L = J Sam: Of course. For real, Bran just fucking lays out the entirety R + L = J for Sam and the whole world stopped, as if we all haven’t known this to be absolutely true for the past year. Bran: Yeah so his last name should be Sand. Wild right. Sam:

Somehow, Sam brings a little fact to the table that magic-ass Bran didn’t know: Jon isn’t a bastard. Just like the scroll that Gilly read told us all two weeks ago, Rhaegar annulled his marriage to Elia and married Lyanna in secret. Bran has a vision to support this seconds later. These two giant fucking nerds are having the epiphany of a lifetime in a quiet room in Winterfell: that Robert’s entire rebellion was built on a literal throne of lies. Jon is legitimate, the heir to the throne, and this entire voiceover is occurring as he heads to Daenerys’ room, his AUNT’S ROOM, for some sweet, sweet, incestuous sex. That sound you heard Sunday night was every single person in America screeching at the exact same time. The voiceover also heavily implies that Jon and Dany are in love and that sound you hear is the screeching of every single person in America as we all openly root for incest. Can’t wait for all of this to come crashing down when they both arrive to Winterfell and Bran drops some knowledge on them.

Jon finding out he fell in love with his aunt:

Dany finding out that she fell in with her rival: 

Lyanna: His name is Aegon. Ned: JON YOU SAY? A FINE NAME. Like. Yes. We all knew this was the truth. We all knew this would happen. But listening to Bran’s monotone voice fucking confirm that Jon, the bastard who has suffered everything, was never really a bastard at all and in fact the one true heir to the Iron Throne while he and Dany stare lovingly into each other’s eyes, butt-ass naked, is going to be the end of me. I’m calling in sick to work for the rest of the week. No one talk to me.

Engrave “He’s never been a bastard. He’s the heir to the Iron Throne” on my fucking gravestone.

WINTERFELL

Sansa and Arya bonding over the cold-blooded murder of Littlefinger is the only thing keeping me from passing out at this moment. The two of them sit there, compliment and insult each other, and then quote Ned and it’s fine we’re all just sobbing. Down at the Weirwood, acting like he hasn’t just singlehandedly ruined and saved all our lies, Brann is having yet another vision. In it, Tormund and Beric are holding down the fort at Eastwatch, looking out into that vast expanse of the North. Except, by holding down the fort, I mean watching as the entire White Walker army comes marching out of the trees towards the wall. There’s a noticeable addition to their ranks: Viserion, who shows up to shoot some blue fire at the wall and also directly into my god damn heart. To make matters worse, THE NIGHT KING IS RIDING HIM. SURE. FINE. THIS IS FINE.

Tormund and Beric don’t even fuck around with pretending to try and fight. They just start screaming, letting everyone know that it’s time to get the fuck out of there. You know what’s really effective at tearing down a giant magical ice wall that’s stood for centuries? Zombie dragon fire. No one even has to yell Dracarys. Viserion just goes to town on the wall and an entire section of it crumbles down like it’s made of Legos. Just like that, the White Walkers have breached the wall and begin their march into the North. Meanwhile, Jon and Dany are hanging out on their love boat, blissfully unaware that they’re related and sailing towards imminent death.

It's fine. Really. Oh, and we won’t get to find out what happens until 2019, which gives us plenty of time to recover, reflect, and then immediately start writing think pieces about how this all goes down. The only thing I can sit here and say with 100% confidence is that it's not going to be a happy ending for anyone.

Read more: http://www.betches.com/game-of-thrones-season-7-episode-7-recap