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#i need to vent but i know people will see it and so uh dni at all please? i will be ok im just fuckin Sad rn
berylcups · 5 months
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Pervert Alert! Perv!Ghiaccio x Reader
MINORS DNI
CW: OOC, Sub-ish Ghia, creepy behavior, perv behavior, somnophilia, titties, food, phone sex(one sided), temp play,
Notes: it’s finally complete!!! I had so much IRL work to do it messed with my FUN work 😩 Ghia is kinda OOC because I wanted to make him a bit of a subby bitch. 😈 he deserves to be a whiny bottom sometimes…as a treat. Now I have an ask that’s brewing in my inbox that I need to work on next! So if you happen to be reading this don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about you! I’m going to be whipping up something very soon! Until then- I hope you all enjoy~ 💜 Beryl
Y/N was unusual, you were basically the squad's emotional support. Anything they had an issue with they would come to you and get some of your advice, or just to vent. Mostly it was just venting. Many of these men were too headstrong, stubborn, or just straight up vain to take actual advice. It’s unknown how Y/N has this much patience… especially with Ghiaccio. All he does is stomp around and yell about whatever is bothering him. Yet, you give him your full attention. Ghiaccio lately has been complaining more and more… he doesn’t want to talk to anyone but Y/N. Only Y/N knows what he’s talking about. It’s like he’s finding excuses to be around Y/N. Sometimes he doesn’t even have a reason for complaining. He’s just “pissed off”.
“I swear I was gonna lose my fucking my mind when that dumb bitch said CaN i GeT a ChIcKeN pArM? Just say chicken parmigiana! You sound like an idiot! Don’t take the Italian language and butcher it by shortening words! And for fucks sake! Chicken parmigiana isn’t a real Italian dish! Get Eggplant parmigiana! Ugh! I HATE English speaking tourists!” He paced around the room getting animated with his hands. “Don’t they piss you off too???” He asked.
“I understand you are frustrated Ghia. But they’re just tourists, they’re not going to be here forever. And I do get annoyed when foreigners think all my people eat is (stereotyped restaurant). But They’re not doing it out of malice. They just don’t know any better.” Y/N reasoned.
“I know that. But it still annoys me. All I’m saying is if you’re going to visit a foreign country the very least you could do is learn a little bit of our language.” He started to calm down. “You are a foreigner and your Italian isn’t perfect but it’s proficient! I can understand you most of the time!” He complimented you to the best of his ability.
His shitty attempt to compliment you made you giggle. “Aww thanks Ghia. You know I try my hardest.”
“Uh…no problem.” He broke eye contact out of sheepishness. “Thanks for listening to me again. I feel much better now.” He adjusted his glasses from sliding off his nose.
“No problem at all~. You know where I am when you need me.” You beamed.
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You didn’t really notice at first… Ghiaccio is downright obsessed with you. You just thought you gained his trust enough to have a healthy friendship with him. But he’s watching you like a hawk and always wanting to spend time with you. The poor guy has no clue how to tell you how much he likes you…or how much he wants to be on top of you.
Whenever you're eating he’s low key watching. Especially if it’s a dessert. He's secretly losing his shit seeing your plump lips wrap around a cannoli. As you bite into it some of the filling falls onto your chest.
“Mmm…”you moaned, savoring the sweet pastry cream in your mouth. “I could eat several of these!” You said licking your lips.
“Yeah… cannolis are great once in a while, but I’m not big on sweets.” He muttered looking at the white cream on your chest. His face was as red as his glasses, the sight was filling his head full of lewd thoughts.
“Oh for fucks sake…Don’t think about licking their chest- don’t think about licking their chest- don’t think about licking their chest” he kept repeating inside his head. He adjusted his sitting position to hide his raging hard on.
“Oh you sure you don’t wanna bite then?” You asked.”hmm? What’s wrong Ghia? Do you have a fever?”you looked down to the same area he was staring down at.
“Ah! So messy! I’m gonna have to change and clean this shirt quickly so it doesn’t stain!” You say frantically as you take a napkin and wiping the food off your shirt.
———————————————————————
No matter your size it’s healthy to engage in some physical activity, especially as an assassin. Who knows if your stand effective against the target or not? So you do some cardio every few days. You tend to get embarrassed when you’re sweating bullets and huffing and puffing your way on the treadmill down stairs. It’s embarrassing that you’re getting winded that easily but exercising is no fun to do all by yourself. Thankfully Ghiaccio is the athletic type and likes to stay in shape so he’s there to help you out with your workout routine.
Watching you pant and sweat as you run on the treadmill makes it impossible for him to focus on his own routine. Watching your chest bounce up and down and seeing your ass in those tight shorts are driving him nuts. He just wants to grab you and fuck up against the wall but he has to restrain himself. You two are just friends. You have no idea how hard he’s into you!
He definitely steals your sweat soaked shorts after you put them in the dirty clothes hamper to go shower afterwards. He cannot decide what to do with them first- smell them while he masturbates or use the soft material to jerk his cock off with. Maybe if he had a 2nd piece of clothing like a pair of panties he wouldn’t have to be in this position.
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He likes to call often especially if he’s on a mission and he can’t talk to you face to face. He likes to exercise while he’s talking or…that’s what he says he’s doing. You sure wish you could talk and take a run too! He does ask some odd questions sometimes.
“You make your own clothes right? Have you ever thought about making your own underwear?” He panted. It sounds like he’s really working out hard!
“Yeah I do! Uh I tried making my own bra and panties but I can’t seem to get the measurements right. The panties are always too small and give me intense wedgies.” You explained.
“Oh fuck… front or back? Tell me.” He asked, almost sounding like a demand.
“Both! It was so uncomfortable! It pinches the most sensitive parts!”you whined. “I’m never doing that again. I’m just gonna buy my underwear for now on!”
“Yeah? So what are you wearing right now? I mean-uh…you always know how to dress nice.” He tried to hide his intentions from the question.
“Hehe~aw thanks. I always try to look my best! I just put on my jammies. It’s just a breezy tank and some rainbow sleep shorts. Its warm out tonight so I think I’m just gonna sleep with my sheet instead of my duvet.”
“Augh~Fuck-!”he grunted hard.
“Ghia??? Are you okay?” You asked with worry.
“I’m fine-I uh…just got a leg cramp! I’ll call you back!” He quickly hung up.
“Was he really exercising? It almost sounded like something …else.” You speculated. “Nooo he wouldn’t do that.”
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He likes driving with his hood down. Seeing the wind tousle your hair around makes it look messy and it makes him feral. Even if it’s not that hot outside he blasts the AC to make you shiver.
“Ghia~! It’s too cold!” You whined. Goose bumps were forming across your exposed skin. “ can’t you turn down the AC just a bit?”
“My car, my rules.” He chuckled. “ besides… you shouldn’t have worn something so skimpy today. You won’t be cold if you dress a bit more modestly.”
You pouted and gave a raspberry. “ pfft! You’re mean ~! I dress nicely thank you very much.” You folded your arms as you pouted.
He just smirked and chuckled . “ Who said I was ever a nice guy, hmm?” He looked over at your chest as your nipples pebbled over from the cold and could be seen through your shirt.
“Yes but you’re nice to me!” You whined. “Right now you’re just plain rude!” You huffed.
Seeing you shivering and getting worked up was really cute. If he wasn’t driving he’d have to fight off the urge to kiss you right now.
“Well this rude guy is driving you in his own car to the shopping plaza so you can go buy more shoes.” He replied .
“Okay okay-I take it back. Ghiaccio you’re a real sweetheart for doing this for me.” You sighed in defeat. He was right and you didn’t like being wrong but you knew when to throw in the towel.
“Heh. That’s what I thought. “ he said smugly.
———————————————————————
It’s been a few months now…he’s getting pretty impatient. Oh how he wishes you’d pick up on his cues that he wants you to be his!
But he isn’t good at socializing either. He hates the possibility of you rejecting him and only seeing him as a friend. Melone doesn’t understand his dilemma. He gets rejected all the time! Just make your move and show Y/N you mean business!
Illuso being the nosey bastard that he is told you that about Ghiaccios obsession about you. You didn’t believe him. He’s always trying to start shit! But… he always wants to talk to you, hang out with you, call you and do god knows what…Maybe Illuso is right? Best to not mention anything to him about it, you know how easily heated Ghiaccio gets over things. You could only imagine how upset he’d get if you’d confront him about his behavior.
It was another hot summer night, you opted to sleep in your underwear and a tank. You were laying on your back with your limbs splayed out trying to cool down with your loud box fan. You finally fell into a light dreamless sleep.
He opened the door to your room to talk to you but you were in bed asleep. He watched your chest rise and fall as you softly snored. The cool air from the fan made your nipples harden through your tank. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore and quietly approached you and gently groped the soft flesh over your clothes. He wanted to do this for so long.
“Mmmph…”you softly moaned in your sleep.
He felt his cock straining painfully in his pants, he unzipped his pants and pulled his aching cock out to stroke it. He snaked his other hand under your shirt and groped harder and rubbed his thumb over your hard nipple.
You panted softly in your sleep. He was getting too lost in his pleasure to realize that this was slowly waking you back up.
“Haaah…” you whimpered as you slowly woke up to see a dark figures outline being illuminated by the tv hunched over you grabbing your breast.
“(Stand Name)!” You panicked as you called out your stand and flipped them over and now you were on top of them.
You squinted in the dark to see a familiar face, it was Ghiaccio. “Hey hey hey-don’t bring your stand into this!“ he panicked. He knew that his stand could protect himself but he didn’t want to accidentally freeze you.
You didn’t budge an inch, but you dismissed your stand. You really liked him but were taken back by his bold actions. “Ghia I never knew you had it in you to do something like this…”
“Ghia is a little perv~” You gave a wicked smile. “You couldn’t think of any other way to get my attention?” You giggled.
“Uh not really…” He was taken back by your reaction. “Wait. Aren’t you mad???”
“No, not really. I find it kinda endearing. Although I wish you didn’t take my bike shorts…they’re probably covered in cum.” You confessed. “What should I do to punish a little pervert like you? I’d expect this from Melone but you? The guys aren’t going to believe me~.” You teased.
“Y/N you better not tell a damn soul or I swear I’ll freeze your tits off.” He warned.
You grinded your clothed crotch on his cock and he groaned in response. “ You really want to say such mean things to me when I can make you feel this good?”
“Ok-no I don’t. I’m sorry.” He panted. “Please Y/N do that again.” He switched his attitude completely after feeling your warm covered cunt on his aching cock.
Your cunt was soaking through your panties as you grinded up on his cock. “You enjoying yourself?” You panted.
“I need you… please let me fuck you.” He whimpered.
“Not yet~. Let me play with you for a little bit and then we can fuck.” You purred while taking off your tank.
“Now…Give me a kiss” you demanded.
You straddled him as you leaned down to kiss him deeply. You knew this was probably the only time you’d ever see him subbing for you so you weren’t going to let any of this time go to waste.
You gave him a series of sloppy open mouth kisses before letting him slip his tongue inside and explore your mouth. He kept his hands busy by squeezing on your ass. You sucked gently on his tongue as you combed this hair with the hand that wasn’t holding you up. He groaned into the kiss and reluctantly pulled away to get fresh air leaving a string of saliva connecting you two.
You licked the drool off his chin and kissed one more time as you got off of him to remove your soaked panties and tossed them to the side.
You crawled back on top of him and lined up his cock with your cunt. You gently teased him by rubbing his aching cock with the entrance of wet hole just barely putting it in. He grit his teeth in frustration and tried so hard not to just grab you and impale you on his cock.
“Don’t play games with me Y/N” he begged. “I’ve been good, please fuck me already!”
“Hehe~ ok ok. But you look so cute when you’re desperate.” You teased.
You slowly lowered yourself onto his cock. You winced from the sting of being filled out more than you're used to. This was nothing like your toys. You raised your hips and back to a slow even rhythm allowing your pain gently fade into pleasure.
“Oh fuck…your tight.” He groaned.
You became accustomed to his size and bounced up and down on his cock.
“Fuck…” he threw his head back and panted hard.
“Ghia ~! “ you whined as bounced.
He watched your lewd expression, the bounce of your tits, and the softness of your rolls and it drove him over the edge.
In one swift motion he flipped you onto your back and grabbed you by your thighs and started fucking you into the mattress.
“Ah Ghia~!” You squealed out of surprise.
“I’m sorry I can’t hold myself back anymore Y/N.” He panted into your ear.
He fucked at a fast and brutal pace nearly overstimulating you. He kissed and nibbled on your neck leaving marks to make the others know that you are HIS now and nobody else’s.
“Y/N… Y/N… fuck I can’t get enough of you. Don’t ever leave my side. I will go crazy without you or this pussy! I gotta have you every night like this-you have no choice. You're my personal cum slut!” He mindlessly babbled in pure ecstasy.
“I’m all yours Ghia~!” You mewled.
“That’s right- you're mine.” He rubbed circles into your clit. “Cum with me.” You felt his cock twitch inside and release his warm seed inside you leading you to your own release.
“I’m gonna cum~! Ghia~ah!” You felt a warmth in your belly and your legs spasming. The knot in your stomach snapped and the warmth filled your entire body, you reached orgasm.
He let go and rolled over next to you and wrapped his arms around you.
“What an interesting turn of events.”you giggled and you nuzzled into his embrace.
“Yeah…I’m sorry I didn’t do this the…right way to win you over.” He apologized out of breath.
“It’s okay~. It will be a funny story to tell our kids one day.” You teased.
“Kids?! We cant have that! I mean-it wouldn’t bother me-but we’re both hitmen-and-“he panicked.
“I’m just kidding!”you cut him off. “But… I will need the morning after pill since you nutted in me.” You said.
“You know the term ‘nutting’…I get it because we call testicles nuts but-“ he gets cut off to the door slamming wide open to reveal a fuming Prosciutto in his silk pajamas.
“Do you two have ANY IDEA what time it is?!” Prosciutto barked.
“Pesci can’t get any sleep and won’t stop bothering me and I can’t sleep either! The ENTIRE BASE can hear you two fucking like animals! If you must do the deed, do so QUIETLY or go get a hotel room!” He scolded.
“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do you old fuck!” Ghiaccio gets up pants around his ankles and has a screaming match with Prosciutto.
Nobody in the building is getting any sleep tonight…
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reveseke · 2 years
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Why is there no Morgan x Hotch x Reader poly ships at all in general ??? This shit has consumed my mind for the past few months as an after thought and now I'm going to do it myself :( .
Soooo rogue and spontaneous headcanons time !! bc i can't keep track of new things and work on old things.
Feature ... Aaron "Hotch" Hotchner | Derek Morgan | nonbinary reader ( they them )
CW nothing much actually – absolutely nothing, I'm swearing here and there but nothing extreme. Bolded words highlight the headcanon's main topic and will continue to be of same topic untill it meets the new bolded words headcanon lol.
Disc ... Reader is nonbinary coded even if it's not outrightly said and all of my stories are towards masc intended readers.
DNI - Fudanashis/fujodashis, women & fem-aligned, profic/proship, anti - LGBTQ+ folk & exclusionists, anti-antis, Necro- Zoo- Pedophiles + (NO)Maps(and other terms), basic DNI criteria, kink/nude/nsfw/sh/vent/pro-ana/ed/18+ blogs
General headcanons – Grumpy meets the guard dog and sunshine.
Interpret it as you want, but we all know reader's the sunshine here when it comes to that sentence.
But i kinda see something akin to that that the grumpy is just Aaron and Derek is the guard dog who is as much talk as he can be bite.
Also imo Morgan and Hotch can mask and generally hide their relationship in BAU so fucking well behind general banter and professionalism nobody would suggest their together. It's surprisingly easy looking back at how the whole team in their hands is full of profilers and still they manage to share some touches and glances here and there away from the unsuspecting team. (Bc if I've understood correctly you can't date someone in your team and cannot be family to them bc emotional ties and rash/impulsive thinking when one is in trouble.)
Which leads to kind of fun situations with Hotch being asked if he found someone to be in his life after Hayley and he answers yes but never actually slips names out so everyone else but Morgan is kinda on the edge with the fact that they know he's dating, but don't know who. Bc i really think he would other wise be encouraged to meet more people if he didn't tell he was already in a relationship and it could became a nag.
But when it comes to off-duty work their guards just drop around each other knowing they don't have to hide it anymore. They'll just kinda be in comfort silence both knowing their safe and don't need much more on the topic. Bc i don't see either of them being really uh lovey-dovey if they are not in the mood and home.
Wkvdvdj thinking thinking ... if R was not part of the BAU but instead worked somewhere else and just spontaneously met the two or was part of a case by accident like as someone who may have seen something, as a suspect etc etc or just plainly seeing him work when they were on a date and both regonice the interest they share for the Reader.
Cuddle piles. Really it's going to be Morgan, then R and then Hotch depending on if your actually smaller than them. If your bigger then by all means it's going to be R, Morgan & Hotch. ( I'm thinking this perspective from laying in a literal pile on the sofa and trying their hardest to have the heaviest/biggest on bottom and lightest/smallest on top so nobody feels like they're going to die lmao) but otherwise it's alternating on who feels like being a side piece and who an in-between piece of the cuddle sandwich in bed.
Ooh also thinking of Jack, just when R comes and if he isn't part of the BAU he's got time to spent helping Hotch's SIL and lending a hand on taking care of Jack. Making sure he knows he's cared for and can trust them even if building that trust may take awhile.
Silently making fast friends with Aaron's SIL and Derek's family.
Also the reader in this is normal, there's no aus on it yet . But mark my fucking words I'm going to make a hybrid, spider maybe even BAU team aus off of this fucking ship at some point in time lmao.
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stargazer0001 · 1 year
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(art from above is by @/sleepinginmute.)
Hello everyone! I’m Stargazer0001! But you can just call me Star :3
my pronouns are she/they/he/it/astro in no particular order. I like em all so use them interchangeably
I'm your local lil space critter, who has declared themself the CEO of the rainworld ship Stargazer (spearmaster x rivulet x nightcat)
I'm a silly littol spacegender fellar :3 How can I be lesbian and spacegender at the same time you ask? Fuck you thats how!/j Im also asexual so no NSFW please! This blog is meant to be at least a bit more kid friendly, even if there are more mature topics
I am also a furry so if you do not like them then please leave here
I am also questioning if I am a therian and fictionkin. I have done research on both and I am now taking them into consideration. Im not gonna label myself yet because I still might not be, but if anyone has helpful info on them then please do share :)
I have a secret draw box! if you wanna draw for me anonymously, you can go here to do it! I check every couple days.
Ask box: Open
Ship requests: closed. Uhhh i frogor to update this for a while so uh yeagh.
Ask me stuff: Always open unless the ask box is closed
Tell me silly things: Yes I want to talk to people!! Please give me silly asks i need them....
art requests: not open sorry :( artblock is blocking my art so
I wanna make my blog more organized now so I am going to start tagging stuff
#my art Art that is made by me
#Art request anytime my art requests are open I will tag it with this
#ask An ask that I have answered, this also applies to anon asks
#Star.TXT document this is for anytime I am just talking
#vent this if for anytime I just need to talk and vent about stuff
#lil starz art this is for my really old art, such as the ones near the beginning of my Tumblr journey
#Silly chat this is me and my mutuals little chats! Like if they send a lighthearted friend ask I will tag it with silly chat
IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE A CERTAIN TAG THEN FILTER IT
I rarely block people but I still will on occasion. Please don't take any hard feelings if I do block you.
Basic DNI such as NSFW blogs, homophobes, transphobes, fatphobes, racists, antifurries and antitherians, and zionists
Cool moots who you should go check out if you like my blog:
@critter2: My IRL bestie that ive been with for a long time. We've been together through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The bestie ever :3
@cookieeevee: An amazing friend! The first person to ever really DM me on here and I'd like to say that we've grown to be good friends. We have amazing little chats and she's an amazing person! Their art is also so soft and squishable! Go check em out
@sleepinginmute: one of my first moots! Such an amazing and silly creature. Its art is amazing, and even though im unsure if it considers me a friend, I know that I do. I really do wish the best for it and I hope that it can be truly happy someday
@cumulusbrume: we dont interact very often anymore, but I still find him a great moot to this day
@athofear: I fun lil fello!! Always a fun time interacting with em. Their art is also superrr shaped and silly!! Always a treat to see them on my dash
@meowyncherry: we dont interact much but he gave me the kinitopet brainrot and their art is also super blorbo so :3
@suburbandrifts: once again, we dont interact very often but they seem very cool and silly/pos and their art is incredibly good! mm the colors are coloring/pos @weeeeblr:!!! The art ever actually!!! Idk how we're mutuals cause hes super cool actually. Great art, and his designs for basically everything is peak/srs
@bananacat76: the bestie does indeed make art!!! And said art is amazing!! Such a cool person and fren :3 their style is also incredibly interesting I need to study it under a microscope/aff
@keeper-of-magic:!!! Cool person alert!!! Their art is amazing and their worldbuiding skills are super awesome!!! I also gotta try and play DND with them sometime.... I have no idea how to but it seems fun, just like them!
@badgerfrost: the silly ever!!! Its art is very well colored and its basically eye candy at this point, and ever time we interact I KNOW its gonna be a goood time
@draagu: ohhhh the silly!!! We dont interact much but shes a super cool moot and idk how we're mutuals like. ??? awesome person with awesome art FOLLOWED ME????? Awesome
@dazzoot: we have interacted a total of like 1 time but cool mutual deserves an honorary tag
GO CHECK ALL OF THESE SILLY PPL OUT!!! THEY'RE AWESOME :333 (if I forgor anyone i am so sorry. Also if you want me to untag you just ask. I dont wanna make anyone uncomfy)
Talking to people spooks me
I have anxiety so please be patient with me, I usually overthink what I am going to say and then end up saying something either really stupid, kinda weird, or I just don't respond.
I am mentally a 5 year old so please inform me if I did something wrong, I usually wont notice or I will think its not an issue. Please be patient with me.
if you sat through all of that, congrats! You get rw gifs now :)
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gnzma · 2 years
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6, 7, and 8 !!
also 21 and 22
[ gio spills the tea ; ACCEPTING ]
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6. dash commentary ; also asked by @battlesfought
[ another dashcomm thing, if i see the height discourse again i think i will blow up fr
also i'm so glad we moved past the soup discourse. i know i'm treating with the devil over here by bringing it up but im SO glad ]
7. excessive ooc
[ okay, i think i have to make a distinction here. like for me "excessive ooc", as in writing ooc posts? that's more than fine, we all need to write things down, vent, or even just write a lot of updates or talking about stuff we enjoy!!
my big problem with excessive ooc comes when someone uses their rp blog exactly as a personal. like of course anyone can use their blogs as they please, but i remember years ago i ended up unfollowing a good friend (we're still friends now btw!!) because they really kept reblogging shitposts, memes and IRL news and posted, like. one thread every 10 posts that have nothing to do with their muse ]
8. DNIs in rules
[ eeeeeeeeh okay uh let's say i have my beef with this because. other than the usual "hey don't interact if you follow idk aku or smth", most of the times i had to deal with DNIs were from people who were like. Really Not Good? at all?
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like im talking transphobes starting obviously fake shit with my friend group because we called em out for that transphobia, or people who ended up being much worse than the people in their DNIs. of course, if it helps someone feel safer, i see no problem with that!! i just wish said rule had a link to. idk proper sources or something, because all i can think of is "hey remember that one terf who tried to say we were sexist for not shipping with them?" ]
21. violent threads
[ GRABS i love violent threads so much i love blood and gore and. wheres that one tiktok where that guy goes YESSS WE'RE DRAWINGGG TWO MEN AND THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL EACHOTHER AND THE WRATH OF GOD AND THE WIND ARE MAKING THEM BLEED??? bc thats me fr ]
22. your current RPC; also asked by @battlesfought
[ WELL i talked about the pokemon RPC time to be. both positive and negative, i guess? about the SCP one!!!
because the few people who rp para are incredible. we're like, seven, eight at best? and they're hilarious we can manage to go from shenanigans to horror to angst to. fucking. mass panic at a containment breach and even if none of us is super active it's always a delight to see one pop up and quickly followed by literally everyone else
on the other. it unfortunately suffers of the "famous internet fandom" RPC disease where a lot of people play... i wouldn't say "badly", that's rude, but in a way i can't vibe with at all. most of the RP blog are actually IC blog that occasionally (which means. 20% of the time) end up having in character dialogues that fill the dash and 0 respect for rules and general RP etiquette like reblogging from source and whatnot, and once again since i'm here playing the arguably "fandom favorite" researcher i'm!already!!so tired of the people who come to me expecting to immediately play their husband!!!
so idk. i'll be in my corner with my cLiQuE being silly and cry because i just want a 076 to bully is it too much to ASK ]
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amethyst-skeleton · 4 years
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#i need to vent but i know people will see it and so uh dni at all please? i will be ok im just fuckin Sad rn#im so tired. ive had enough. i have nothing left to give the universe#i am? was? idk trying my best. trying to keep everything afloat and take care of everyone#but my best isnt good enough at all. i dont even know if it is my best truly#look at me complaining like this like i deserve to be pitied or coddled into thinking im good and kind i dont im awful and the guilt eats#me alive. i am not a good person. i am cruel and selfish and inadequate. i hurt those around me and have no way of fixing it#i cant cry anymore because it feels too fake so i just wallow in silence. everyone does leave eventually and again i was right#thats the one thing i can take pride in now is that my bitter anxious premonitions are right. or at least reliable. ive been doing it for a#long time. and now i just wonder who is leaving next. i felt so secure i thought maybe this time they would all love me and i would be safe#maybe its not me that needed to be safe maybe i was subconsciously looking for something else to fuck up. maybe they should be safe#so im not mad when people leave. its just a reminder i cant always help. i cant be good enough.#history repeats itself and instead of me being hurt im hurting everyone else. im just like he was. i knew i would be.#i think im just going to sleep more. i wish i could outsleep the world. put me in a coma please.#i already ruined my future and im ruining the present too. everything i touch i lean on too heavily until it breaks and crumbles.#inadequate. bitter. undeserving. cruel. manipulative. failure. lazy.#scared#scared of myself and the world around me#i wish i deserved help and comfort and i wish i wasnt too much to handle. i wish all my friends werent sick of me#im tired of pretending im functional and fine#and when they all say oh youre so nice kind angel darling baby sweetheart i want to cry because im not like that truly im sorry you thinktht#...idk what else to say. im done. i dont know what to do about this i cant help and my help doesnt work anyway#im tired and i cant unload anything else on friends its not fair to them. to have to put up with my mistakes.#i'll get up soon and ignore the guilt and pretend i can be ok but i dont know when bc time is liquid right now#i wish i could cry it out i wish i deserved that#thanks. if you read this please dni w this and dont message me ill be ok eventually but thank you for listening i suppose#especially particular friends i hope you never see this post because you dont need any more of this on your plates#the leaving has already started. you will all be gone too soon. it always happens. im meant to be alone but im not built to be happy alone#oh well.
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