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glitchxinthematrix · 3 days

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IRREDEEMABLE

Part 4

Love, a concept so complicated to even grasp and yet, every single soul in the universe end up craving it. I have had my share of the cravings, but, news flash, it all resulted in me being left alone stranded. So the concept is now hid safe inside a box. buried deep down somewhere inside, and at times like these I hear the faint screaming it does from the suffocation, all for some acknowledgement. And now, Geto, Love? The one minute he stared longer? Gojo's words kept replaying in my head on my way to find Suguru.

I wouldnt run my thoughts any deeper into this, i mean why should i? what did he do about this? how long has this been going on, and ,oh fuck , thats a pillar and my head is gonna raamm into-, wait no its soft, wait its a hand, a familiar one, shit-

I slowly raised my head to see geto by the vending machine with one can of his favourite drink and the other hand as a barrier to my head and the wall. and yet he doesnt frickin spare me a look, why te hell is his head stooped so low.

Walls are everywhere these days huh?,the audacity to joke around right now without even meeting my eye.

"So youre not even gonna look at me?" I blurt out, unexpectedly helpless in my delivery.

As I see him lift his head up very reluctantly and struggle, i find myself doubting everything gojo previously said, miutes ago.

"Whats up y/n". THE NERVE.

"Didnt take you to be a fuckboi Suguru Senpai, following your best friend's steps is it?"

With a confounded expression I saw him squint his eyes and , well that should be a question then.

"You never called, Geto".

His eyes bulged a bit like he wasnt expecting me to care about the things that we did yesterday. I saw him mumble something under his breath while maintaining the good old strained eyebrows.

"What, you dont care about how i feel now that you slept w me?"

I see his expression waver into immediate shock that desperately needed to set some things straight.

"Y/n..you don't know what you're talking about.. please".

No amount of strained expression from him is helping this mixed signal facade that's happening to me. He takes a deep breathe noticing my baffled expression.

"I do. i do care, more than I've done for anyone else. its just.. by the time you were asleep in my...in my arms, gojo had texted. Soo..it worked. Everything worked out. As intended. Or it didnt, and he came to his senses maybe,finally,else, it doesnt make sense. it makes zero sense. i mean why the fuck would someone not know how to treat you? to treat you shouldnt come as a chore or a result of some challenge, its as natural as breathing air, and idk what was with him all this while, but im sure he realises now, so give him a chance, he'll treat you better I'm sure."

"Is that what you want?"

"What..why..why would it matter, what I think" he visibly gulps, confused.

"It matters to me geto, if you care about me, to know that you like me, I don't know geto you messed with my head, I can't get you out of it...i broke up with gojo."

"What..wait. what?" His face couldn't contain the emotions that rollercoastered through his mind.

"Just say it geto, fucking say it. Do you or do you not like me. Shit, why am I even doing this? " I steer away on my heel as an attempt to hide the tears that are about ruin my mascara, until I feel an immediate grab on my wrist, the same soft hands.

"y/nnn, y/nn....how do i tell you this...you have no idea. not a thing. the way i have craved for you, to be with you, the way i have literally felt my blood boil seeing the way my bestfreind treated you. you have no ideaaa. please dont torment me any more than this, shit im sorry, i know, its not your fault. hell you had no idea how i felt. its just. all you had to do was exist ynnn. the way you aree, the way you smile, hold the hemm of gojos shirt when he failed to pay you the attention you more than deserve, the way you gently hit shoko on her shoulders when you laugh, the way your eyes crinkle when you smile, the way and fuck the way, the way i saw you yesterday, every inch of you, its etched in my memory, by choice. Fuck, I need some water"

I couldn't contain the happiness that bloomed inside me and I had to do something crazy because he looked just too cute.

" for now i can help you moisten your lips I think", I stand on my toes to reach his open mouth, so confused and wary and place the timid but hungry kiss on it, but within seconds he makes sense of things and grabs me by my waist only to land a kiss that lasted longer than the hourly bell that rang twice or thrice after that.

"Aaargh, this...you're tempting me to do something irredeemable again" he breathes with a glistening red lips messy with the stray tints of my lipstick.

"Let's redeem through it this time then."

The smirk on his lips right then looked more promising than ever.

#jjk #fanfic #gojo satoru #geto fanfic #geto suguru #geto x reader #jjk fanfic #jjk smut #jjk × reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu geto #jjk fluff #jjk angst #geto angst #geto fluff

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mercurymacaroons · 10 days

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arrives 15 min late with a latte

......sup

#yosuke hanamura #persona 4 #cool now that its done i can ramble in the tags #fellas im surprised hes here and done #did not think that was gonna happen #fuck i forgot smth #eh ill fix it before i make my print #anywho i might make more i might not who knows not i #yukiko is the next one i have half an idea on but also i have some shining nikki designs rattling around with my sole braincell #i also made a shadow alt for the back but idk if i like the mouth so yall arent gonna see him #also i need to find a gold foil guy that does odd sizes and like moq of 1 #bc i wanna do this in gold foil #and its tarot card size bc im dumb as hell #but i want a print for my wall and i know sure as shit no one else will want one hence the moq of 1 #my heart wants to make the whole major arcana for p4 but my past completed works says °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ 𝑛𝑜 °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･#so whatever gets done will get done #also im gonna reblog this a lot bc i put in too many hours to get a singular note by me so like if you dont wanna see it block me lmfao #if you have any hot takes for future cards please share with the class bc i only have ideas for yukiko and a full cast she does not make fr #so uh yeah yeehaw #idk what else to ramble about but like cannot believe yosuke fucking hanamura is the first chara to get a completed piece in 5 years #im not fucking kidding #the rest were all quick graphite or abandoned #hes not even my fave in p4- thats naoto protag chan kou and nanako #boys lucky to hit top 5 #he just kinda crawled into my affection like some kind of sad pathetic creature idk how it happened either #maybe hes overprocessed now that im looking at it #nope i looked too long this is it this is how he is #ill do better by the women i promise

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kiok0r0 · 3 months

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"Hey Kioko, how's the new job?"

I now understand why people advocate so strongly for universal healthcare. Insurance is such bullshit. But aside from that. This is a terrible job.

"It's only been two weeks. What's going on?"

Okay.

So I didn't think this through.

More under because the rant's long

This job I'm at is at a clinic. They're open three and a half days each week, it's typically 30 hours per week. I've got no experience or knowledge of medical terminology and medical computer programs. I admitted this in the interview we had. I was way too over the moon when they IMMEDIATELY HIRED ME AFTER ONE INTERVIEW. Why do I know they immediately hired me? They sent me forms that jobs normally send after someone gets hired. That should have been, you know, two red flags. But again, they wanted me to come in for a work interview, so I thought maybe they wanted my paperwork beforehand so I can do the work interview.

No, I literally missed the signs. I mean, I thought it was weird but I sort of thought they were super eager. And then after that work interview, they asked how soon I could start.

"I want to at least do my two weeks at my other jobs." Since, to be honest, while I hated one of the jobs, the managers at both places have been super kind.

"Can you ask if it's possible to leave earlier?" The doctor asks without hesitation.

Also another thing to say, I don't have a lot of work experience. I've been hired on the spot for one of my other jobs and didn't have a job at the time so I didn't really need to do a two week notice. But a two week notice is a courtesy. And again, while I didn't like the job, I really liked the managers. They have been patient and flexible with me and didn't pressure me to do things I couldn't do. So I felt rushed and slightly offended. But I brushed it off. Maybe they just thought I would be a good fit for the position and really wanted me to start soon.

So I started Tuesday. Realized I had to leave to celebrate my brother's graduation this week. Here was what the doctor did when I told him that I would be gone Friday and the first half of next week:

I have essentially did a speed run of the basics of the tasks I'm supposed to do the four days I've been in so far.

It's not even the end of week 2, mind you, and I haven't done a complete week at this place yet. Sure, the doctor's not expecting me to be an expert, but when I am the only one working at the front desk and I have no experience in the medical field or know how to do insurance claims maybe there should be a lot of training.

There is none. I have been taught way too many things in the span of four work days that takes thirty minutes to explain to me. And then it eats away my time because a new thing arises that the doctor didn't teach me.

He's expecting questions from me. I have so many and he's not available at all times. And I don't know how to tackle a lot of things without asking for help. There is no one available all the time. I am floundering. I'm spending way too much time after closing to figure out what to do by myself.

No one is teaching me how to read insurances. No one is teaching me how to explain to patients why their bill is like this. No one is teaching me how to be good on my own. This is the worst job with training. I'm essentially the face of a clinic who's trying to maintain people's health. And I have to learn "along the way"?

I don't know. I feel that when I'm in charge of looking at someone's expenses for their health, I feel there should be someone that should be training me from the moment I get into the office and the moment I leave.

I told myself I'll give this a chance. I wanted to give myself a year, 6 months at the bare minimum. Now I think I'll give it 3 months.

Oh and they told me my position is "office manager" when I had to tell someone what my position at the clonic is other than being just being an office clerk. Which. Was the job title on Indeed.

#kioko spills the beans #// vent #rule of thumb: be a little wary about why a job is rushing you to choose them #people have been saying that im just new and not to be hard on myself #no i am telling you its not just that 💀#what the fuck i should not be learning along the way when i am supposed to be in charge of peoples money too #idk if this is just me adjusting to a new job #but literally the training has been done in four days #FOUR DAYS #AND HES LIKE 'let me know if theres something youre stuck on something'#SIR THERE ARE LIKE TEN OTHER THINGS YOU DONT TEACH ME THAT POP UP WHEN I DO IT BY MYSELF #please i need someone else to be hired to handle the expenses istg #OR TEACH ME FOR LIKE TWO THREE MONTHS #AT LEAST TRAIN ME AS SLOW AS POSSIBLE

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waywardsalt · 3 months

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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;

a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.

linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.

#phantom hourglass #linebeck #loz #legend of zelda #salty talks #imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger #and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me #that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything #otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife #and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything #the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him #but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up #the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it #everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out #it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this #for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something #will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this #anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him #when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust #i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving #he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often #tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters #his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the #actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)

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autisticlee · 3 months

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no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.

#it's like they WANT me to give up!#they sure act like i'm not trying to give up/not trying if I mention how hard it is/how i'm upset I cant reach my goals after years of work #if someone tells me to just do the thing/stop giving up/try harder/practice more/it takes time/dont expect it to be handed to you/etc #ONE MORE TIME. im going to fucking lose it. in fact im losing it right now hence the rant im writing!!!!!!!#can someone for once tell me its ok to feel frustrated and they know how hard i work and try and deserve better or something idk #ugh i hate this life. sometimes i hate being neurodivergent because it stops me from doing all the things i want #and no one is willing to help because they blame me and say im not trying hard enough when EXISTING takes more work than they realize!#for fuck sake im losing my mind here. not having any support and not being able to support yourself because none of your needs get met #and you have to try to do life with higher support needs and are denied any support. its so fucking hard. idk what to do #lee rants #autistic #autism #actually autistic #adhd #neurodivergent #audhd #and probably other things that could be tagged but im exhasuted. writing this was hard and took so much energy to make words happen #words hard. how get across what want to say?????? dont know #but why is it always dismissive comments and no one offering any actual help or support that would benefit me in any way #but everyone else gets so many opportunities and support? i guess if you need extra support you arent worth anything #IM ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND FEEL BAD. PEOPLE NEED TO STOP DISMISSING MY FEELINGS AND TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT FEELING BAD.#WHAT DO YOU WANT AND EXPECT FROM ME FOR FUCK SAKE. HOW DOES ONE TRY HARDER THAN THEIR BEST!!!#HOW DOES ONE DO SOMETHING THEY PHYSICALLY CANT IF THEY ARENT ALLOWED THE HELP AND SUPPORT REQUIRED?!#HOW DO YOU EXPECT A BIRD TO FLY IF IT WAS BORN WITHOUT WINGS #ok im done

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pteropods · 8 months

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Meow !

#Hey future me ! This is queued on December 21st !! Im a day late lol #DID YOU GET THE ESSAY DONE IS IT OKAY ARE YOU PROUD OF IT. MY GOD ITS KILLING ME #ive got like four paragraphs but I csnt for the LIFE of me figure out how to end it #How was christmas !!!!!! I assume good unless someone. like. died #What was ur secret santa gift? I dont remember what I asked for as the prompt lol #im rlly happy rn bcs a lot of ppl are putting nice comments on my art ^.^#What are you drawing rn? Im making the no6 secret samta piece of them all in a diner #Also. How is ur spanish grade. my god.#idk if they wouldve let you know yet but if they did- did you get into the college? hope so !!!!!!!#I havent been feeling great. Moms been on my ass about my spanish grade #but James is here rn which is rlly nice !!!#oh !! I mentioned the hiragana I knew last report. You should know them all rn yeah? I know up to the y line #so 38 without the tantan or maru #mmm. dont have much else to say #hope ur doing well !!! stay safe ^.^#weather report

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hella1975 · 2 years

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im being so serious besties i am not cut out for academia

#like yes i know ive had a very uniquely shit experience in doing a degree i actively not only hate but also am BAD AT #but also i just. cannot hack it #'but hella you go mental and pessimistic every single exam period' i know that but. im right also #like the other day i said to my mum how much ive just been enjoying my job recently #and how huge a deal that is bc i HATE my hometown and ive never ever considered my time here as possibly being good #and my 20s will hopefully be a lot of travelling but in between that to save easier im gonna live at home #so i dont have to worry about rent so alas that means when im saving up for my next trip I WILL BE IN MY HOMETOWN #and as excited as i am for my twenties that is one huge downside to me but i was really cheerfully saying to my mum #that literally for the first time ever ive considered it might not be too bad bc lately i have just enjoyed my job #like i enjoy the people and the work and the lifestyle of it and while it's never gonna be ideal as a means to an end it's actually good #and instead of focussing on that she went OFF on one about how she wants me to stay in education and keep getting qualifications #and she was like 'you could do an english degree you've always wanted to do english or how about open university-'#and i was just sat there blinking at her like girl.... no #like i could FEEL myself shutting down like the terror of having to return to this environment when ive got my sight so set #on that 'one more year and im done one more year and im done' mindset like that has been the only thing getting my through #is that im halfway through the course now so im closer to the other end than i am the beginning and if i can just push through #ill be free from it for the rest of my life. so the thought of immediately returning to academia even for a subject i adore? i felt ILL #and my mum apologised the next day without me even having to say anything bc she realised she kinda bulldozed me there #but i just know whether it's the adhd or ive actually been traumatised by this econ degree #(<- and im being serious there like ik 'traumatised' is a big loaded word but idk what else to use #and this degree has done so so much damage to me like it has convinced me that i am fundamentally a stupid person #to the point i refuse to add up bills when with friends or do answer any sort of intellectual question even if i KNOW i know the answer #bc ive just gone so so long of being bad at the only subject im studying like just SURROUNDED by it and being bad at it relentlessly #and i dont think people realise how damaging it is to very simply just... feel stupid all the time. but oh my god i used to be so confident #and bright and now i wont even do basic addition in front of people)#i really truly dont think i can do this again in any capacity. like the constant exams and studying and assignments #i just cant do it. maybe i just need a year or two away from it after this degree but my goddddd rn i cant see it #yes it's exam time for me can u tell. it always makes me existential and on the verge of vomiting at any given moment #i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here i dont care about iterated deletion of strictly dominated strategies shut the fuck up #hella goes to uni

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muttsona · 6 months

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i hope i die, you broke my heart

#personal #so fucking tired oh my god #just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic #sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do #like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me #taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group #as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it #all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you #theres a reason im always the person you go to #byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you #like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair #and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat #im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love #like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired #i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us #idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood #and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest #you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either #and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix #but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt #but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much #i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me #a little more than they were supposed to #i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me #iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary #okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow #byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh #💭

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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years

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Events of last night:

Me: *crying*

My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(

Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful

My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.

#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious #thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt #and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd #it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense #but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like #where as me and her obsess much more over morality #like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information #we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people #or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate #like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers #theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out #but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either #like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are #and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare #sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done #sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real #i guess what it kinda comes to do is #would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions #all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm #you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of #OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world #your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen #theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed #your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for #instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed

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unraveling-plot · 1 year

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Okay listen. If you have passionate niche knowledge about a topic and want to talk about it or reference it to a person who is neither passionate nor knowledgeable about that topic, please. Please. explain what you are talking about.

Do not simply drop terms and go aha my bad if the person indicates they aren't following. If they ask a question, it means they are interested and want to understand. Moving on instead of answering will leave the person frustrated and confused.

#this is a big pet peeve to me. dont assume i know!!!! i dont know!!!! but i want to!!!!!#so help me understand rather than leaving me in the dirt and making me feel bad about being unable to catch up!!!!!#if you reference something and who youre talking to is like Whatever you say bud :D youre fine #if theyre like 'what is that' and you refuse to elaborate with an air of Haha im so quirky and knowledgeable. im putting sawdust in your bed #ok. im done now. this is promted by my brothers being very good at not doing that. they will explain. they will explain everything. or else #AND YES THERES NUANCE! THERES ALWAYS NUANCE!#sometimes the audience doesnt mind not knowing. then youre fine.#sometimes its really hard to explain. then find an audience who had the basis of knowledge or doesnt mind not understanding.#or do your best! an attempt will be appreciated much more than brushing off their curiosity #or an earnest 'sorry idk how to explain this'. also appreciated #ok now I'm done

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unlimitedhorsepower · 2 years

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i made preliminary plans to put my horse down in january today:( idk why im making this post i just want everyone to know about hippu and that she exists.

im so tortured whether its the right decision or not and whatever i mightve done wrong or not good enoug or if i should try something else and if the only person (the stable owner) i can discuss it with is right or not and its just way too much to explain lol

i feel bad about january too, because hippu was born during the summer, so to make plans to say goodbye to her during the coldest time of the year in the middle of the winter makes me feel sad. i wouldve at least wanted for her to go during the summer. but i suppose that only matters to me

heres some pictures i took of her today when i was keeping her company while she worried whether her buddy will also come in to the stable or not.

she looks so scruffy because shes changing into her winter coat. i called over to her and she looked directly at me and looked goofy.

shes my first horse and she will be my last horse too. someone laughed today when i said that (”thats what they all say, you always get a new horse”) but i know its true: its just too much money and time i dont have because im always so sick for no reason, its not even that i dont like horses or cant see myself loving a different horse as much, just the bleak reality im afraid.

once i wanted to be a pro equestrian, now were here, feels funny to think about.

#animal death cw - i guess. i dont know how content warning tagging works on tumblr anymore lol #for some reason my 2nd PC screen is on its last legs too and flickering etc lol #actually my life is going so much downhill. i dont even know what to say about hippu because i dont have anyone to talk to about her.#i dont know a lot of horse people and none i could talk about this and idk..ask for a different opinion or something. oh well.#im trying to make jokes right now but i barely even have the energy for that. im just really sad.#i genuinely feel like all ive done for the past month or something is cry and lately ive cried for hours every day. TMI lore about me lol #its just exhausting and theres nothing i can do about any of it. ahh... having issues with brain and money sucks so much what else can i say

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wren-kitchens · 1 month

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kinda venty/rant thing in tags cause im embarassed by it and dont wanna put it in a post HDJSK